#some events have a range of a full year they could happen and i haven't just PICKED one

[comfortlesshurt]

okay, I promised I was gonna do the outline for my fic today. so that's it. i'm gonna do it, and i'm not gonna draft a word of actual fic until i do

[teleportbooks]

Ficbinding: 誰謂河廣、一葦杭之 | who says the river is wide (or, Lan Fangji) by @astronicht

Astronicht's Lan Fangji series is a wangxian Italian Renaissance AU (they are visiting). Also, a vampire AU (“A european vampire,” he says, “my uncle will be so disappointed.”) Please read it if you haven't, I'll wait.

Anyway so a year or so ago I did a mockup title page just for fun in a vaguely historically appropriate style, but at that point I had no intention of actually binding the series because at under 20k words in total, it would make for a pretty thin tome. Enter: @renegadepublishing's tiny book bang! This was an event where participants typeset fic in miniature and passed it off to someone else to bind. On a smaller page size, it worked out well. The typesetting is loosely modeled after Aldus Manutius (did you know you can just look at full scans of really old books on archive.org? it's very cool). He's credited with inventing italic type and with popularizing printing 8 pages on a sheet (octavo) for more conveniently sized books. This book is also an octavo! But on smaller paper. I don't know if shaping the text into a triangle at the end of sections was his thing or if everyone did it back then but I like it, it's very fun. The AU setting is a little before his time but iirc not too far off. I printed the art (by @butleronice, included with permission) in black and white to better match the style.

Here I will pause to recommend KPS Fonts (a collection of historic fonts) and Bookbinder JS (an online tool which can rearrange your pdf into an octavo or pretty much any other imposition you might want).

So, I didn't do the binding for the exchange, but I couldn't help thinking "what if I bind it in a historically appropriate style too?" and then this happened. This style of limp vellum binding covered a wide historical range and I think is reasonably appropriate? Though the specific details of construction are closer to modern conservation techniques, because that's what I could find instructions for. I'm not entirely sure that what I bought from etsy was the right sort of vellum for this project, but the nice stuff is beyond my current purchasing power so this will have to do. For the paper, I bought some big sheets of drawing paper from the craft store (off-white cotton paper, with a laid texture instead of smooth like printer paper) and cut them down to letter size so they would fit in my printer.

[beck-a-leck]

Hello, what are your headcanon ages for the 3ot characters?😊

Oh my gosh, Nonny, this ask has been sitting in my inbox since January, and I completely forgot about it! it must have come in shortly after I answered a similar ask about the RF4 characters ages and then just fell through one of the swiss cheese holes in my brain. 😓 Sorry about that!

Funny coincidence, I've recently gotten back into playing 3oT, so all of the characters are fresh in my mind. So I guess I was cleaning out my inbox at just the opportune moment.

3oT has a ton of characters, so I'm assuming you're asking about the Marriage Candidates as opposed to Every Single Character. And I don't have any real solid numbers, just more like general age-ranges for the characters. So here goes!

Holly/Henry - They're young adults. Young enough to still be living at home with their parents (which for an American-coded family is not something that typically happens past the earliest of your 20s in fiction), and not yet have settled into a career. I know in Earth and Rebirth, I wrote Holly as being 21 (20 when the story starts), and I based that strongly off the vibes I got from the game. When you start the game your parents seem ready and accepting that the player character wants to set off on their own because you are of that age, the only push back comes when the PC says they want to be a farmer. So yeah, I really seem them as being a very young adult, no older than a recent college graduate, so in the 18-23 age range.

Lisette - She's in her mid-20s, I think. She says once that she took over the flower shop from her parents after she finished horticulture school, which I imagine was like a college program or some equivalent. So her years from 18-22 were likely spent in school. And I also believe she mentioned having run the shop for a few years by the time the game starts, so I've always placed her around 24-27ish. She could easily be read as older, she doesn't get specific about her age, and since this game does better than most with regards to characters close to 30 complaining about their age.

Wayne - He's a mid to late 20s guy. I think he mentions having lived in Westown for several years by the beginning of the game after getting assigned there as the postman. He doesn't talk about other previous assignments, but that doesn't mean he didn't have any. I believe he did mention doing the "normal schooling" before he became a postman, so it's possible he went to college as well and didn't start working until he was in his early 20s. But even getting "several" years into his 20s that can still put him at 23-25 at the young end. But I can easily see Wayne being anywhere from 25-30.

Ford - He's definitely in his 30s. I'd have to say somewhere in his mid-30s if I needed to be specific. He's a doctor, and assuming he didn't fast track himself through college and med school and graduate med school at an early age, then he would have been about 26 at the end of med school. There's mention of Ford having been Westown's doctor for the better part of a decade, so following that logic he's probably somewhere from 34-37. He's definitely the oldest of the marriage candidates (not counting the supernatural ones)

Komari - She's a tricky one to place. Her general energy and mannerisms can definitely skew her to the younger end of the 20s. But at the same time, that could just make her appear younger than she really is. I don't remember much of her later events (and haven't seen them since I started my replay) but I remember her seeming to be caught between needing to figure out what to do/how to grow up and be taken seriously. But in her early dialogue she very quickly seems to take the PC under her wing keeping an eye on them like an older sibling might. I think given the mix, I tend to read her in her early to mid-20s. Grown up, but maybe not fully matured, and not yet seen as full grown in her father's eyes. So 22-25ish.

Kasumi - I think she's younger than Komari, not by much, maybe a year or two difference, but I think she is the younger of the two. If I recall correctly, she's still a relatively new teacher when you're introduced to her. So if she's finished her own schooling and just in the first couple years of being a teacher, she's probably somewhere from 21-24 years old.

Hinata - Like Holly/Henry, I think he's a young one. Probably the youngest marriage candidate. He's been in Tsuyukusa for a while when you meet him, I believe he came here to work for Moriya when he was 13, but he still hasn't been working there for as long as Shizu and Ittetsu. So probably less than 10 years. And given he's still seems to be in the early stages of his acting training when he mentions it, it points to him being younger. I've personally headcanoned him as the same age as the PC, but really he could be anywhere from 18-23 years old.

Yuzuki - He's another tricky one to place. Given his life experiences with his illness in his youth, and his continuing fight with chronic illness, it could very easily account towards "aging" him prematurely, so he looks older than he really is, not to mention forcing him to mature much faster than he otherwise might have. However, I think Komari mentions growing up with Yuzuki and being friends, and Hinata and him became friends shortly after Hinata moved into town. So I think their ages are pretty close, within a few years of each other. So I could happily put him around 23-26ish. But honestly, an argument could be made to put Yuzuki in his late-20s. Having been sick for so long could also just mean he made friends with whatever kids he could keep up with, and that would have been the ones younger than him.

Iluka and Siluka - being twins, obviously they're going to be the same age. I generally place them in their early to mid20s. Somewhere from 23-27 I think given their experiences as children they all matured a lot faster than they would have otherwise. And given their town's culture, once they were able to do real work, they started working. So they probably started their training as priestesses in their teens and have been at it for a while now. So even if they're young, they've still probably got a decade of experience under their belts. Arguments could be made for them to be older, but I think if they were closer to their 30s or in their 30s, they probably would be more like friends with Zahau and Caolila, but when they talk about those two, it's more like they were babysitters for the kids, as opposed to cool older friends.

Ludus - I've always headcanoned him as around the same age as the twins. Older, but within a year or two. So he's also mid20s. Same arguments for why he's not older as for the twins. Their experiences had them maturing faster, he was probably beginning his jack-of-all-trades work when he was still in his teens, though probably didn't start the heavy construction projects until he was older and more experienced. (and ya'know, despite the game's suggestion he can't be the only person building houses. there has to be a team of carpenters/construction workers who help him with the jobs) So like the twins, he's 23-27.

Now for the Special Candidates!

Stephanie - I could see her being in her late20s to early30s. She's clearly been at her MC career for a while by the time she settles down in Westown. She mentions having traveled and lived lots of places, but this is the first place she feels like wanting to settle in for the long term. So I can happily place her around the 26-32 age range.

Woofio - mild spoilers for his back story, but he's gotta be decades, if not over a century old. I don't remember if he specified how old he really is, but I know he's MUCH older than anybody else in the game (deities excluded). However, if I wanted to assign an age range to the way he acts, I think like Stephanie he's mid20s to early 30s. Old enough to have gotten lots of experience with animals, learning to care for them, and judge them, and build a career on the festival circuit. So 26-32 for him as well.

Inari - They're hard to pin down. Being a deity, I'm pretty sure they're several hundred years old, if not over 1000. They do mention something like for them aging one year is equivalent to humans aging 10 years. They also look very young. but they do insist to the PC that even if they might look childish, they are much much older and more mature than they look. However, given the way they act and behave, even if they're mature enough to be an adult, they're a very Young adult. Having never spoken to a human before, since mortals can't see them, they're very naive about a lot of things, particularly when it comes to relationships and such. if I had to stick an age on them, it's gonna be Babey Adult range, 17-19.

That's all a lot of text so the tl;dr version:

Holly/Henry: 18-23

Lisette: 24-27

Wayne: 25-30

Ford: 34-37

Komari: 22-25

Kasumi: 21-24

Hinata: 18-23

Yuzuki: 23-26

Iluka: 23-27

Siluka: 23-27

Ludus: 23-27

Stephanie: 26-32

Woofio: 26-32

Inari: 17-19

[rp-partnerfinder]

hello! i am looking for a couple more threads set in the elder scrolls. firstly, a bit more about me: i am 25 year old woman who hails from the USA, and i have been writing for 13 years. i work full-time and also have some pretty meaty projects that i chip away at in my free time, though i am still pretty good at getting at least a few posts out per week. i am pretty private about my personal information, though i am always eager to chat ooc via whichever platform we choose to connect on.

i am highly uncomfortable with the idea of writing with anybody under 21, so please meet that requirement if reaching out -- my characters deal frequently with mature themes, and i prefer for the person i am writing opposite to to be around the range that i am as far as life experience goes.

writing style: i love writing lit, long-form replies in the third person. i am not picky about present/past tense, and honestly i have this awful habit of flipping back and forth, though if you prefer one over the other i am happy to try and accommodate. i really don't prefer a certain length, in fact i think that it's nice to have shorter-form posts for dialogue-heavy scenes and longer-form for stuff that isn't dialogue heavy.

platform: i haven't dipped my feet into these waters in quite some time; i have a few long-term partners that i write with over both discord and email, and so i am very familiar with those. that being said, i really don't mind going one way or the other for platform -- if you are interested in everything else here but want something different just let me know! i honestly miss tumblr rping a lot hahah, so i may be open to doing something with that.

setting: i really don't have a specific preference for exactly where in tamriel our thread takes place, but right now i am looking specifically for something set in the fourth era. my characters tend to be well-traveled versus homebodies, and so they can really be found anywhere. the thread can focus on the events that take place in skyrim, or they could have nothing to do with it at all! the main reason i want to focus on the 4e is because many of the details regarding my muses are contingent on details related to the great war and the third dominion.

content preferences: so, my bread and butter is threads which focus a lot on the political happenings of tamriel. i love political dissidents, corruption, that sort of thing. I am also a huge fan of romanticism and adventure. my writing is usually focused heavily on characters versus worldbuilding or plot; i love to get deep into the psyche of flawed individuals and either allow the course of events that take place to build them up or tear them down further. i love romance, but it really isn't a must at all -- the biggest priority is character development.

character preferences: my characters tend to be heavily flawed individuals whose actions and behavior would at best deem them morally grey. they can deal with issues such as addiction, morality struggles, mental health issues, and skeletons in the closet. i have two in particular that I am hoping to flesh out by writing them: an altmer male and a bosmer female. i usually lean to M// but M/F is great too, i really don't mind as far as this goes BUT i will say that i really don't enjoy determining the relationship dynamic (sub/dom, that sort of thing) in advance -- that sort of skews the focus from where it should be, in my opinion. i greatly prefer to let them figure it out authentically through interaction.

like i said above, i can write adult themes, but romance is not a must and i am just as happy with fade-to-black as well. if love scenes are included, i'd just ask that they are not the main focus, and that plot takes precedence either 80/20 or 60/40.

i'd love to share more about my characters and plot ideas if anyone is interested in getting something put together here!! please feel free to interact with the post if any of it caught your eye!

.

[thrandilf]

I'm willing to read most shadowpeach fics even if they are pretty ooc (I have a limit of ooc, but it's pretty wide) but fics I can't read are ones where macaque is just now in modern times meeting wukong. Like I'm sorry, but macaque would be a completely different person if he never met wukong. So wildly different that a macaque acting like macaque breaks my suspension of belief, and a macaque acting like he should in that scenario isn't my macaque anymore by any metric (might as well be an OC)

I sat here for a bit wondering how to say that I haven't actually found any Shadowpeach fics I like that I haven't written myself without sounding horridly self absorbed/picky but it's where I'm at

To be clear, I've only been in fandom for a few months and I haven't looked all that hard, I'm sure out of the 8k or so on ao3 there are absolute gems, just haven't found em. I'm open to recs! but I'm in fandom for characterization and specific dynamics which drew me to the characters in the first place, so you've got the biggest lead on me for not being picky/coming off as judgy, anon hahaha

In that circumstance you laid out I'd also wonder who Wukong would even be. He's influenced by his past relationships just as much, even if he isn't as overt about it as Macaque/he's had a wider range of influence since Macaque is more Wukong centered than vice versa, it would still be Different.

Fic of them in early or pre brotherhood would be really interesting! Or in this AU- a Macaque full out reincarnation would be fascinating if LBD hadn't brought him back. Like, that could be interesting, but their history is such a core part, even as obscured as some of it is to us right now, that I'd have a hard time trying to untangle it and make it feel like them. It would still have to be History on Wukong's end for me or too many pieces are gone from the jenga tower yfm

I'm also someone who writes canon compliant or adjacent stuff Most of the time, where I like to extrapolate and kind of take the edges of the picture and expand, like a degree removed from canon/plausible, but not putting people in totally different worlds or altering major canon events. Hell, I don't even make OCs for fics unless my arm is twisted by necessity (my novel length tdp fic has some OCs because I needed more characters for the mains to meet in the world/filling in vacuums left by foreign leaders being killed, said OCs are still as minor as I can make them while being hopefully interesting and serving their purpose)

However, I know that a majority of fandom really loves totally new AUs in other worlds/making OCs (LMK fandom is especially OC heavy which was a surprise to me) and that's its own writing exercise/source of fun, it's just one I've never had a desire to read or write. Canon for me is fun to explore more of canon potential, not to fuel something seemingly unrelated

As I said, I'm picky. I typically don't even read modern AUs for fantasy characters, it just so happens that LMK works so well that I love the futuristic world and get my magic meets technology kicks in canon, otherwise I wouldn't have anything written in remotely modern day within the past few years. LMK got me back into it

So I hear you about characterization/I probably sound like I live a stifled existence but I just thrive by being as close to canon as I can while playing with it, my most fun is different from others on the fan spectrum

And all this isn't to say that I feel like an expert in characterizing Macaque and Wukong- they're tough cases to crack. They're challenging. They both have their facades and levels of jadedness and sincerity. LMK requires flat out studying to really nail anyone I've found, even characters I feel more confident in writing- and that challenge is part of the draw for me too!

[starvingtongue]

Today we're looking at how The Watcher gained full sentience/consciousness. Originally the Guardians weren't meant to be fully sentient, only partially. They were supposed to have just enough sentience to respond to certain stimuli, mainly in reference to guarding the Vaults and any other locations the Eridians deemed necessary, but also respond to any orders from the Eridians themselves with very little pushback. The ones who put up any type of firm resistance were permenatly killed and their souls weren't put back into a new body.

Nyriad mentions in the 'Keen' echolog that she's heard Guardians speak to each. She also mentions that she's noticed some of them are keener than others. Which leads me to believe that some Guardians are more sentient than others, which we obviously see with The Watcher, The Overseer, etc., but it also happens amongst the more 'regular' Guardians as well. This kind of ties into what this post says, with that the more times a Guardian has been 'reborn', the more sentient it becomes.

This all works fine and dandy for regular Guardians, who might gain more information, knowledge, control, feelings, etc. over their own existence over the hundreds of years they've been alive, but not for Guardians like The Watcher. Guardians like the Seer, the Watcher, the Overseer, feel waaay too intelligent for this continuous cycle to have made them the level of consciousness or sentience that they have. This isn't to say that The Watcher hasn't already died several times prior to achieving full sentience, but it's not the dying over and over again that helped them achieve it.

No, what helped The Watcher achieve full sentience/consicousness was watching Nyriad 'kill' the Eridians back on Nekrotafeyo. But The Watcher knew one thing that Nyriad didn't and that was the machine that Nyriad used on the Eridians helped them go back to their original dimension, leaving all the Guardians behind. It was made to look like Nyriad had killed all the Eridians by feeding them to the Destroyer (mainly because Nyriad had no idea what she was actually doing with the machine), but in reality. the Eridians had realised they'd screwed up with the Destroyer and wanted to get out of there. If it meant leaving all the Guardians they'd created behind, so be it, they didn't care, they could create more.

And I am fully running with the idea that The Watcher was the one that watched Nyriad 'kill' all the Eridians back on Necrotafeyo (the Echo Log in question is 'Watcher' and starts at roughly 2:03 on this video). And I'm not saying this sentience happened instantly either. No, it took a couple more rebirths for that to happen, and when it happened, they were pissed. They struggled with their new emotions for quite a while after this turn of events, before setting in motion their plan. The same goes for quite a few other Guardians, both semi-sentient, and ones like The Watcher. When The Watcher regaled them with the story of what happened (backed up by a couple of other Guardians that had been present when all the Eridians 'died'), they realised what their 'masters' had done.

I think a lot of the Guardians haven't reached the level of sentience that The Watcher has. I think there's a range of them having little sentience (ones that are predominantly guarding the Vaults) to a middling amount (ones that can kind of think and feel for themselves, but can't outright shake their original orders of doing xyz). The latter of which could be ones like The Overseer, where they're clearing capable of indepedant thoughts and feelings, but (as far as wel know), can't leave the proving grounds, even if they wanted to. The Watcher feels like an extreme example of a Guardian that's gained sentience AND been able to break free of their original orders to go wherever they want, speak about whatever they want, etc.

[mine-curse]

I uhh... lost my shit over this so uhh... I delt with my feelings by writing fanfiction, sorta. Its mostly just a drabble and half way to just being like, a summary meta post but 🤷‍♂️ Uhh also fair warning, I haven't written anything thats not a script in a while, and its been like 10 years since I really tried to write a fanfiction. Also misspelling and grammar errors incoming.

Uhh... cw for talk of death and imortality, aging and not, vague allusions to apathy towards death... nothing too serious, just like... thats what its about.

"Technoblade never dies."

The first time he heard those words were in hushed tones, rippling through a dingy tavern, flying with the rumors that the famed gladiator Technoblade would soon be visiting the local collisiem.

Ohkay, sure, what ever you say mate.

He couldn't help chuckling as he sipped his beer. He knew a thing or two about not dieing.

---

It was a blistering hot day as he settled in to a seat, high in the stands of the grand coliseum. Curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he'd happened to find himself staying in town a few extra days to see this supposedly invincible warrioir. The stands were packed and the excitement of the crowd was tangible.

The other combatants were introduced first. The announcer clearly saving the 'best' for last. The crowd going wild as Technoblade stepped onto the feild. He was a massive... man? Pigman? Towering over the other fighters. Wearing a thick red cloak, he must be sweltering in this heat.

The second the starting bell rang Technoblade moved, shockingly light on his feet. He dodged and countered with honed instinctual accuracy. He moved from one attack to another, one opponent to another, with frightening efficiency.

As the fight went on, the crowd became dominated by one single chant.

"Technoblade never dies!"

Somewhere, deep in Phil's mind. A tiny spark found some kindling.

is he..?

-----

Diamond blade met diamond blade as the two clashed. Blue eyes met blood red and somehow, it seemed neither could look away.

Is he?

He couldn't be.

Phil spread his wings, and, taking advantage of Technoblade's momentary shock at this revelation, broke the stalemate. leaping backwards, his opponent awkwardly lurching forward as he took to the sky. He looked down at the pigman, who was staring back up at him. Though they had broken apart, the stalemate continued. Technoblade probably could have thrown his sword and hit Philza. Philza could have drawn his bow, and taken a shot, taken out this unkillable foe. Technoblade never dies. Well, if that were true it would just be a waste of arrows to try.

-----

Its was another while before they met properly. How long, he couldn't quite be sure. But Technoblade looked no older than he had on that battle feild. So it probably hadn't been too long. Then again he wasn't exactly confident in his ability to judge how old a pigman was. This time they were on the same side. One of many two-person wrecking squads, sent behind enemy lines to do as much damage as possible.

"Bet we get way more kills than everybody else."

That was not empty confidence. "You think? There's supposed to be some strong people in this fight."

"Come on, you're Philza Minecraft, you actually know what you're doing! And I'm really good at stabbin' people."

He laughed, Phil chuckled along. "I'll just try to play support, scout and keep guys off you while you do your stabbing."

Technoblade gave a laugh, "Appriciate it," he clasped a clawed hand on Phil's shoulder, "We got this!"

--

Phil noticed, as they fought, Technoblade seemed to grow more used to having a partner. Stopped covering all sides with frenetic energy, and just let Phil cover his back, allowing him to focus on tearing through warrior after warrior. As they fought they laughed, setting off TNT, drawing opponents into traps. It was exhilarating, fighting with someone so powerful. Someone who was... like...

Me...?

-----

As time passed, Techno stayed the same, at least pysically. Same voice, same features, only more and more scars. But no matter how grievous the injuries that lead to those scars, it seemed nothing could truly harm him. He always made it out alive. The rumors and chants were true, Technoblade never dies. Together, they always made it out alive with a laugh.

He'd saved Phil's life on more than one occasion. A particularly nasty run in with a baby zombie had seemed to leave the unshakable Technoblade quite shaken. So Phil tried, tried to be a little more careful, at least for now, for Techno's sake.

-----

Philza would go off on his own for a while. Each time, dread would build for the inevitable moment he'd return and find his friend changed, grown in grey fur, developed that telltale rasp to his voice that signaled the inevitability of his mortality. Or maybe one day Phil would simply hear that he had already died, and that would be that. In some ways, he might prefer that. He wouldn't have to face... It. But Techno never changed, his voice stayed as full and booming as it ever was. He stayed as strong and graceful as the first day Phil had seen him.

Maybe it was just... less time had passed than he'd thought. His life had been a bit more eventful recently, mostly due to the time he spent with Techno. And that always had a way of slowing things down. Maybe pigmen, piglins (?) (he still wasn't sure), just aged much slower than humans. But maybe...

Is he...

Maybe it was better not to think about it too much. Yeah, better to just... enjoy his company, however long it lasted. Whether or not Technoblade would or would not never die was.. out of his hands anyways. Well, mostly. They kept fighting together, always watching each other's backs. He couldn't really say how much time had passed. He'd stopped bothering to keep track. It didn't really matter. They had somehow fallen in step with each other, and if that simply meant Phil was once again experiencing the flow of time as a mortal would, well, that was fine by him. But somewhere, deep in his mind, he had to hope, even if the fear of that hope being crushed kept him from finding the answer. Technoblade never dies. Maybe it was true. Maybe it could be...

Is he like me?

[jjaeong]

The Heiress, And The Twelve. Act I.

Episode VI: To Be Deceived, Or Protected.

Series: KPOP Girl Group: 이달의 소녀 (LOONA).

Pairing: OT12 & Mafia Heiress Female Reader.

Summary: While the members residing with The Heiress in Eden managed to resolve her internal conflict about who she was and who she had deemed herself should be—Haseul, along with Sooyoung and Jinsol, discovers a certain string of information that could potentially lead to a much more greater complication than they had ever encountered before. And as Jinsol finally reconciled with Sooyoung after the incident, Hyejoo and Heejin find themselves stunned as they come across your room—realizing that something had been missing in the vicinity, with that something being you.

"Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be with the members?"

Jinsol had just managed to set her foot on the top of the staircase when she met the sight of the distressed Ninth member who had lingered in the hall that led to the boss' office, pinching the bridge of her nose in clear disbelief with the disrupted idea that only she was called by Haseul for the meeting. It's been days since the Leader had regarded her request to be removed in any missions with the Seventh member, being that she was still sensitive over what had just happened with the incident—Jinsol had already been walking through thin ice with her miscalculation, but Sooyoung's projected anger towards the woman intensified when Jungeun had informed them of your order to be left alone. And as much as she was relieved that both her member, and her adoptive sister were safe—Sooyoung couldn't shake off her impression that you had not been unscathed, because physically, you and Hyejoo were well, but your order was the effect of the event which she had deemed also as her own error with being one of the Twelve.

The Seventh member, however, no matter how many times she had blamed herself for it, she had understood Sooyoung's hostility towards her and knew that it was absolutely justified—from all those years that the members had grown together, she knew well enough that the woman was as emotional as she could get, more so for the people she cared for the most. But the Seventh could only take so much, she had somewhat prepared herself for the the member's response—yet she still couldn't avoid condemning herself over it, for the most part being Sooyoung not wanting anything to do with her.

And as Sooyoung stood there, leaned back against the hall's wall with her arms crossed and her brows knitted in apparent frustration while looking the other way—Jinsol could only manage a hesitant smile as she tried her best to swallow down the bitter aura between the two of them, before directing her weary gaze towards the tall double doors at the end of the hall. Slightly taken aback by how isolated the scene had looked from their position, which meant that the Leader had not yet arrived—making Sooyoung the first person to have been called by Haseul, and Jinsol quickly becoming the second.

"Is it.. Just the two of us..?"

"She just told me to meet her here, and that she'll be arriving shortly from her visit with our guests," Sooyoung muttered, practically scoffing at the mention of the Lee Family that had been staying in the Mansion as they awaited for their Boss' recovery. The younger of the two winced at the recollection of when they'd first arrived at the infirmary with the Lee Family's Boss, and how Sooyoung raised her tone at Haseul for the first time since she'd been appointed as Acting Boss after declining Sooyoung's plea to head straight to Eden—which led to the Ninth member into defying the Leader's instruction and driving all the way to the castle, just to be pulled aside by a stone-faced Jungeun, "but you still haven't answered my question—why are you here?"

"I don't see why I shouldn't be..? Haseul did ask for me—"

"I specifically told her that I don't want to be in any operation with you right now—and for what? Suddenly she doesn't listen anymore?" Jinsol would be lying if she said that hearing those words come right out of Sooyoung's mouth didn't hurt her, she swore that when this member of theirs was mad she knew exactly how to do so—but to be on the opposite end of the woman's livid state, Jinsol had never experienced to be this ridiculed by her. The silence that had come after Sooyoung's sharp words even made the member glance at Jinsol from the corner of her eye, finding her head hanging low as she picked on her blue pin on her tie in deep contemplation—slightly irritating Sooyoung even further because the Ninth had known that the habit was common with the members since they'd acquired their pins, holding onto the object when they couldn't seem to find it in themselves to assess a situation in their own way.

"Maybe we're not on a mission as a pair, probably.. A reschedule? Change of posts? Haseul assigning you to my spot—and me with yours?" Sooyoung gripped onto the fabric of her sleeve as Jinsol began to straighten her tie, which she had done several times before looking behind her to the staircase below—as if Haseul would just magically appear out of thin air and cut through the tension between the two of them, saving them from possibly making it worse than it already was.

"That's great, maybe then Y/N wouldn't be in as much trouble as she'd be if she was under my range of security." Jinsol frowned at the malicious tone that the Ninth had suddenly switched into, making her turn to eye the member who still refused to meet the clear regret plastered all over her features—while Sooyoung continued to glare at the nothingness that had seemed to have kept her attention more than the member currently standing right in front of her.

"Sooyoung.."

"Just admit it, Jinsol—you despise her. You don't want her to be our Boss because she's nothing of what you expect her to be—it's a full circle to what happened the day we told her everything, you want her gone." Sooyoung spat as her member flinched, making Jinsol shaking her head in attempt to relay the message to Sooyoung that it was nothing of that sort.

"That's not true—I care about her just as much as you do!" the Seventh stammered, completely taken aback by how she had been suddenly accused for having felt something that she had not.

"She was in the lot! You could've prevented it even before he approached her—"

"And you think I don't go every single day thinking about that!?" Sooyoung's furious eyes snapped to connect with Jinsol's exasperated ones, the Seventh's demeanor looking as frustrated as she could get with her hands balled up into fists hanging by her sides while her eyes stayed connected with her member's, "We've never had any complications with our group since the beginning, and ever since Y/N came in the picture—it's as if the least we can do is not turn against each other."

"Oh, and that makes it her fault? Is that what you're trying to say?

"I'm trying my best to understand—alright!? I thought we can continue this Family without having her in the picture, but.." Jinsol tore her eyes away from Sooyoung's to think carefully about her next words, having an inkling that whatever she may say next would be enough to tip Sooyoung off the edge and tarnish her reputation completely—or in some sort of miracle, she'd be able to properly express what she had wanted to say, "I didn't want any of that to happen—I swear that if I could have stopped it in all the ways I've calculated it after, I would've. But it's already done, I messed up and the only thing I can do is try to make up for it with Y/N—for as long as she'll have me, and if she can't forgive me for what I've done then.."

Sooyoung lowered her eyes at Jinsol who shrugged her shoulders in defeat, sighing when she thought that the apology didn't go exactly as she'd expect it to be. She'd thought that once she laid her heart out, it'd go as smoothly and sincerely as she'd thought—but instead, she felt that the reason for Sooyoung's silence was that she had taken her words in the complete opposite. Her words being taken under the impression that she was over it, that she didn't care as much as she said she did—causing the gap between her and the members that had your well-being as the priority to broaden, when she had just warmed up to the idea that she had wanted the same thing as well.

The Ninth member eyed the struggling woman in front of her, it was clear that Jinsol was incessantly thinking through what she had just told her and continuously trying to criticize her choices of wording—but as much as Sooyoung hated the thought that had led her into blaming Jinsol for what had happened, the greater part of her that believes that the members would never do each other wrong was pushing past her projected anger. This wasn't them against a common enemy anymore, this was Sooyoung's protectiveness over you—against her protectiveness over her members, but instead of it mostly being directed towards the Lee Family's Boss, she had Jinsol to blame. And that was what caused her inner turmoil, Jinsol is her member and a member that had been one of the reasons that put you and Hyejoo in danger—but Jinsol was just as much as a member as the others, yet there Sooyoung stood, continuously reminding her that she had messed up and she needs to feel the consequences of her ignorance.

Sooyoung then realized that Jinsol had already been going through the motions just as she'd been, and it was unfair of how she was quick to blame her for it—when Sooyoung had no idea about what was about to come until Hyunjin had some sort of vision.

"Well—apologize to her, not me," Jinsol practically choked at Sooyoung's mumbled response, feeling the weight of her worries fall off her shoulders as she watched Sooyoung shake her head at her and detach herself from the wall—slipping a hand into the pocket of her dress pants as she placed the other to her neck, craning it as if to stretch in exhaustion. The member still had a pout set on her lips but her brows were anything but furrowed, just looking drained from the encounter—while Jinsol slowly started to fall apart in her position, "you can start by how you acted in our living room, then with whatever happened with the Lee Boss. She's not the type to hold a grudge, you know—yah! Jung Jinsol, get off me—"

"I thought you'd never forgive me! I apologized so many times and you were never this mad—"

"Let go!" Jinsol continued to wail as Sooyoung's pout threatened to stretch into a grin while she tried to pry the member's arms off her, opening her mouth to start threatening the Seventh. But just as she was about to, light footsteps started echoing from the steps behind Jinsol and soon after revealed an absorbed looking Haseul—which had seemed to be caught off guard at the sight as she blinked at the two who just froze in their spot and stared right back at her, Haseul's eyes softened only for a moment before they dimmed yet again.

Looking away from the two, Haseul motioned over to the end of the hall before starting to make her way past them.

"You've made up, good. Follow me." the youngest of the three started to walk down the halls, which made Jinsol release Sooyoung from her hold before they both hurried to trail behind the Leader—eyeing each other in question about what had the member in such state, Sooyoung could only hope that it was just something connected to the Lee Boss and nothing more.

As Haseul pulled the key out of her pocket, Sooyoung had remembered that the last time all twelve of them were inside the office was when Haseul had first sat herself into the Boss' chair—how she carefully laid out what specific orders the previous Boss stated before he had passed, and how they would slowly but surely make sure you were well acquainted with a few members. Haseul also swore that it would also be the last time that she were to set foot inside of the office, not finding it comfortable how she would occupy the room as if it were her own when her purpose was to have you settled into your rightful place.

And as if Jinsol could hear Sooyoung's thoughts coursing through her, they could only wonder how much trouble the Family had caught themselves into for Haseul to break her own word.

"Shut the doors behind you, I've asked to keep this floor vacated until one of us leaves the room." Jinsol quickly turned to shut the doors behind them as Sooyoung followed behind the Leader to stand in the middle of the room while Haseul circled behind the desk to open one of it's emptied drawers, reaching far into the compartment as if rummaging to find anything that had not been in there in the first place.

"Are you looking for something?" Jinsol question as she stood beside Sooyoung who eyed the Leader suspiciously, the two watching Haseul shut the drawer to then move to another.

"What are you even doing, Haseul?" the light sound of a click echoed through the spacious, and moonlit office that had Haseul tensing up on her spot. Jinsol made a move to approach to the woman and lend her a hand but Sooyoung grabbed ahold of her arm before she could even do anything, the two members carefully watching as Haseul pulled out what seemed to be a thick stack of papers—jaw clenched while she placed them on the desk before looking up the puzzled expression on her members' features.

"Lee Seokmin has returned to his conscious state today, he refused to speak with the doctors and requested to speak with the one he perceived as the Family's Boss. And so I paid him a visit," Haseul shut the drawer to fully grab the stack from the desk, eyeing the papers before walking over to the two and meeting them in the middle of the room, "he was convinced that I was Y/N, stating that he couldn't believe that the previous Boss' plan worked—how he kept the Heiress safe by letting her live a normal life outside of the Family, all while being protected from the other Families."

Jinsol paled as Sooyoung let go of her arm, eyes widening in alarm while Haseul stood in front of them with a vacant expression on her face.

"He asked me if I knew about it, when I found out about it—confessing that he knew about the documentation because he had overheard it once from the Jeon Family that the Heiress was being watched."

"We were watching over her, but I thought the documents were supposed to be discarded after the Boss' passing?" Jinsol barely questioned as her voice failed her, switching her eyes from Haseul to Sooyoung who could only look at Jinsol with wide eyes as well.

"It was, I saw through with it. Haseul, Vivi-unnie and I were the ones present when it was erased."

"He wasn't talking about our documents, he was talking about this." Haseul motioned to the papers in her hand, it didn't take too long of the three to stare at each other before Sooyoung reached over to grab the papers and start inspecting each and every page—feeling lightheaded at the information that she had read from it, how as if every page she had skimmed through just continued to reveal a deeper story behind the minimal observation reports that they had set for you.

The papers dated back up to four years prior to the previous Boss' passing, several pictures of you, Jungeun, and Jiwoo were practically on each page of the stack—the lightest conversations, passed homework, your every move was typed down as if they were studying not a living human being but a test subject. Through the documentation, it seemed as if you weren't the Y/L/N Y/N that the members had made a point on learning to care for and to believe that you'd lead them into a better future—but rather a statistic in which would demonstrate if you were fit in becoming a Boss for the highest ranking Family there ever was, and ever will be if you had truly had what it takes.

Whoever had created this document, only had that particular version of the Heiress in mind—and it made Sooyoung feel sick to her stomach.

"Who.. did this? How did you even know this exists!?" Sooyoung's voice started to raise as she looked up at the torn expression on Haseul's face, making Jinsol take a step in between the two to try and calm the Ninth member down while also turning to glance at the Leader behind her—but as Sooyoung started to prod Haseul with questions while waving the papers in her hand, Haseul swallowed sharply before looking up to meet the the concerned look on Jinsol's face.

"I didn't."

Haseul's words echoed in Sooyoung's head, and before she knew it—she had let the papers fall onto the ground, pushed past Jinsol to reach for Haseul's collar to aggressively grab ahold of her. However, Jinsol was quick to recover after staggering back—attempting to pry Sooyoung off of the Third member by wrapping an arm around the Ninth's waist and tugging her off the Leader.

"You—you're our Leader! You can't just tell us you have no clue! our lives are dependent on your choices—and you have the audacity to tell us you don't know!?"

"I thought I had properly vacated this room after we all left—that was the last time I've been here, it was all the previous Boss had instructed me.." Haseul barely whispered, crumbling under Sooyoung's hold to the point that it was the member that had been keeping her up on her feet—making Sooyoung snap out of her fuming state to watch the dread sink into her member's features, "he told me where everything was, the archives we needed—I thought he told me everything I needed to know, I was appointed Leader for this."

"Sooyoung, she doesn't know." Jinsol dragged out slowly as she loosened her grip over her member, walking towards Haseul and prying the Ninth's hands off completely from the Leader—all while keeping Haseul up on her feet by wrapping an arm around her shoulder, leading her to the desk so she had a place to lean on.

"The Twelve, Y/L/N Y/N—that's all I know, you have to believe me."

"We do, Haseul—Sooyoung's just in shock, we'll figure this whole thing out. Right, Ha Sooyoung?" the Ninth continued to stare at the two, absolutely mortified that they were currently easing themselves into uncharted waters—completely unknowing of what would come, but only to prepare themselves for whatever it may be. Sooyoung caught Jinsol switching her gaze from Haseul to the papers on the ground, the Seventh seemingly the more composed member out of the two—and as if moving completely out of practice, Sooyoung bended over to grab the papers and walk over to Jinsol to hand it to her.

"What do you suggest we do?" Jinsol's eyes widened at the blank, yet expectant look that Sooyoung held as she offered her the papers—glancing at Haseul who had now held onto the desk as if her life had depended on it, before she caught onto what exactly it was that Sooyoung was trying convey. With Haseul's Leadership position becoming nothing of aid to the members as of her current state, Sooyoung wanted them to work it out as a group instead of letting the woman carry all of this on her own. So Jinsol grabbed the papers from her hand, eyeing the front page and skipping to the last as she followed her gut—having a relieved sigh escaped her lips as she pointed a finger at the signed letter 'R' initial at the end of the page, it's ink shining under the moonlight while she directed it to Sooyoung's view.

"We can start by tracking whoever this is?"

"Alright." Jinsol gave Sooyoung a small, yet grateful smile before looking back down to scan the papers while Sooyoung turned to Haseul who sat still on the desk—completely frozen as she tried to recall every bit of information that the previous Boss had passed onto her, fingers gripping tightly onto the pin on her tie. The Ninth member reached over to place an consoling hand on the Leader's shoulder, halting mid-way but somehow going through with it—which made Haseul visibly tense but when she had found that it was Sooyoung from her peripheral vision, she just looked back down to return into her state of recollection.

"I shouldn't have lashed out, Haseul. I'm sorry."

"You have every right to be mad, I'm the appointed Leader and I can't even uphold a simple task. Even I'd be mad at myself." Jinsol snorted from behind her which made Sooyoung glance at the member, finding Jinsol eyeing Haseul from the side before flipping another page from the stack.

"You mean tracking down this profiler from just one initial? Haseul—you can't even find the right curtains to hang inside your room without Yerim." Sooyoung's lips broke into a grin which made Jinsol release a laugh, making the Leader turn to look at her members who were now laughing amongst themselves as they eyed the paper in Jinsol's hands. Haseul then looked up to find Sooyoung's careful eyes directed on her, the member giving Haseul a determined look in contrast to the Leader's downcast expression.

"You might be the Leader, but we are a team, Haseul. We'll get through this mess, with or without the previous Boss' help." Haseul tore her eyes away from Sooyoung to look back at Jinsol's thoughtful expression as the member continued to inspect the page—until she found Haseul watching her, so she gave her an encouraging look before raising a fist in the air.

"Damn right we are! Fighting!"

"If you use that language in front of Y/N—I swear, Jung Jinsol—"

"Your sister is a year away from graduating High School—she's old enough to know if cussing is bad or not."

"You don't tell me how to raise my sister!"

"She's our future Boss! She can decide that for herself!" Sooyoung placed her hands on her hips as she continued to banter with Jinsol as the member continued with her task, the two completely back to the way before their feud—while Haseul watched them silently, feeling the anguish of her assumed failure as a Leader slowly dissipate as Jinsol and Sooyoung continued on. The interaction had somehow eased the Third member's worries, the sight reminding her that no matter what happened—they were still the Twelve, and with that, the world would still be turning for as long as they'd stay like this after whatever may cross their path.

"Until we've figured out who this person is, be that they're in this Family preparing for another coup—or from outside, this stays between the three of us," Haseul stated, making Jinsol's look up to clearly try and object but one pleading look from Haseul—she had known that her intentions were nothing but for their safety, "please, the more people that know about this—the harder it will be to find them. One word about this from anyone but us.."

"They'll know we're onto them—got it."

"But what do we do about Lee Seokmin and his members?" Sooyoung crossed her arms on her chest as Haseul turned to look at her, more composed than a few moments ago.

"They'll be returning to the village that Jeon passed onto them in a few days, I made sure that he didn't recognize that I wasn't the Heiress he was talking about. All he can pass to whoever he pleases is that the Y/L/N Family's Heiress is back in her rightful place." Haseul concluded as Sooyoung released a heavy sigh, looking at Jinsol yet again but this time—Jinsol had lingered over one specific page.

"What is it?" Sooyoung leaned over to check at what the member was staring at, which made Haseul completely turn to peek as well when Jinsol practically gripped onto the stack in worry.

"From the beginning of the document, they never mentioned any names—they even labelled Jiwoo and Jungeun as Upperclassmen A, and Upperclassmen B," Jinsol placed a finger on a specific sentence on the paper before looking up at Haseul and Sooyoung, "'4:35PM: The Heiress returns home. Property under the name of 'Ha', a civilian household consisting of two adults and three daughters.'"

"Don't tell me—"

"Who ever this 'R' person is—they know exactly which one of us is the Heiress."

Hyejoo had just shut the door to Jungeun's empty room, signalling the end of her morning rounds which consisted of surveying the vacated rooms of the members that typically headed to school approximately two hours before her—when she had realized that today marked the fifth day since the incident, which made it Wednesday. And Wednesdays were different, because in that specific day Yeojin and Yerim would accompany Jungeun and Jiwoo for early morning Student Council. With Yerim being the President of her class, and Yeojin being her own—Jungeun had briefly talked the two into either occupying their roles once they've graduated, or at least being part of it.

The two Maknaes were quick to take her up for it, being that they had fit the credentials well—they'd agree without a doubt, but that had meant that every Wednesday, Hyejoo would only have to drive her and Chaewon to class. And it wasn't that she wasn't on good terms with her Gowon-unnie, it was quite the opposite—because every Wednesday morning would be Chaewon asking Hyejoo about how she's been, and how she had felt about whatever had happened the days before. Somehow, it had slightly bothered Hyejoo that she had always started off their conversation in that manner since Yeojin and Yerim rode with the two Unnies—but the ride had seemed to grow on her once she realized that the Eleventh member wasn't shooting up a conversation to fill the silence, but to genuinely ask Hyejoo how she's been.

Park Chaewon had surprisingly seemed to have understood her even in that alley, which was something that goes over Hyejoo's head sometimes.

The Twelfth's eyes seamlessly connected with your door in the middle of the hall as the recollection of the alley felt similar to what happened that day, and being that only room in that specific hall was only occupied by you—with Haseul, Sooyoung, Jinsol, and Kahei being everywhere at once, the closest member that could reach you incase of an emergency was Jungeun, because her room was the closest to yours. Hyejoo started to make her way to your room almost subconciously to check up on you when she was met by the unusual sight of Jeon Heejin who was never usually awake this early in the morning, already dressed in her uniform—glowing as if she'd just awakened to the greatest sleep she's ever had, her eyes even widening in surprise as she found Hyejoo coming from the other end of the hall.

"Son Hyejoo! Good morning!" Heejin waved enthusiastically with both hands outstretched, making the Maknae scrunch her nose up in distaste as Heejin grinned adoringly—eyes turning into crescents while she continued to her venture into your room, the sound of her footsteps lightly decreasing as she neared. The First member carefully twisted the handle to peek into your room, her smile impossibly widening as she expected to be greeted by the sight of you laying on your side with Jeon Stitchie and Hyunjin's Shiba Inu—only for her to squint her eyes through the darkness to find the two stuffed toys but not even the top of your head revealing from the covers in sight.

"Y/N-ah~?" Hyejoo heard Heejin call from her position, slightly peeking through the door frame, making the Twelfth member furrow her brows and stand behind the member just as she had flipped the light switch on—illuminating the empty room before walking inside and making her way over to the door that lead to your bathroom, pushing it open to find it unoccupied as well. Heejin continued to scan the room, even getting down on her knees by your bed to check if you were under it as Hyejoo stayed put by your door—watching her Unnie's puzzled features slowly turn into concern just as she saw someone approaching by her peripheral vision, she turned to find an equally confused Chaewon standing next to her before the Eleventh turned to her.

"Have you seen Vivi-unnie?"

"Did you just come from the Surveillance room?" Hyejoo questioned in reply, but before Chaewon could even get a word out—Kahei appeared from the end of the hall, seemingly reading a book while doing her rounds as she donned her reading glasses. Heejin had managed to slide past the two members just as Kahei was about to walk past them, making the woman look up from her book to eye the startled trio in wonder.

"What's with all the worried looks? Did something happen?" Kahei asked softly, making Hyejoo and Chaewon exchange glances while Heejin looked at your empty room before looking back at Kahei.

"Unnie, Y/N's not in her room." Heejin stated in a tone that had slowly started to reflect her dismay, but as Kahei tilted her head at the three something flashed in her eyes before she stared directly at Heejin—as if she should've known.

"Of course she isn't, she already left with Jungeun and Jiwoo. Why? Is there something I should be worried about?" Hyejoo's eyes widened in surprise as Heejin mouth popped open at Kahei's nonchalant reply, Chaewon was the only one of the three who had managed to not be surprised—considering that she had been looking for the Fifth member to ask why she had been the one to send you and the other members off as she watched a replay of the cameras just as she had woke up.

"You let her go, just like that?"

"I didn't see a problem with it—she had me convinced, afterall," Chaewon raised a brow at Kahei, to which the member only smiled at before walking past the bewildered Heejin and Hyejoo and return to reading her book as she walked down the hall, "Heejin, it must be some miracle that you woke up before Hyunjin—but if you don't wake her up you'll both be late to class. You two should start getting ready as well, Hyejoo, Chaewon."

The three members watched as Kahei disappeared from the hallway, turning to face each other briefly before hastily doing as the member had told. Heejin switched the lights off and shut the door before speed-walking down the hall to Hyunjin's room—pounding her fist against the door the second she reached it and tugging on the handle as she followed by calling her member's name. On the other side of the door, Hyunjin had already been awake, she was just about ready to leave—all she needed was to attach her pin onto her tie which she had quickly finished, so she grabbed her bag from her desk to pull the door open and roll her eyes at the sight of her aggrievated best friend.

"I get it—you woke up before me for the first time in years, you don't have to shove it to my face." Hyunjin pushed past Heejin who was trying to catch her breath, breathing in deeply before stopping Hyunjin dead on her tracks with what she was just about to say.

"Y/N isn't in her room—she left with Jungeun-unnie and Jiwoo-unnie to school!"

"..She what?"

Greetings,

I hope this message finds you well—sike with the formalities, it's a tumblr post, there's no need for that. But what this Author's Note actually needs is.. An apology (even though I came clear with you all if you've read through the first chapter to not be too attached with this story) because it's been over two months since my last story update!

But in all honesty, I'm not even sure if it had actually been two months or.. A month and a few days—but still! Am I back? Maybe~ What could JJ have been possibly doing to go MIA for this long? Real life stuff, but mostly the overwhelming feeling of Orbit twitter that's.. Something, a true bit of love and hate between that.

It's actually funny how many Episode VI's I've wrote before properly settling with this one, the first draft had too many new characters involved (spoilers for who they are? I'm sure if you've read a few LOONA fics—it's just in between those lines), the second and nth were all too messy—and so there's this one! I think it's a nice turn, considering that this is the half of Act I. and I literally just wrote this in one go again, I really can't believe myself at this point.

Though I think most of our new readers that are following this blog is more into the OS spectrum—so I should maybe start leaving posts? Like.. Talk? But it's not really my thing, having posts up but it's just me talking about God knows what—I don't really know how to feel about it.

I'm getting way over ahead of myself again, so yeah. I truly hope you guys are doing well out there, what's happening outside of these social media platforms is absolutely petrifying—I made this blog as an outlet to express how much I love the girls but you can't escape the crippling truth that is reality itself. This world is unforgiving even to those who had never done anything drastically wrong, and for a writer to not have the proper words to express how they truly feel about what's happening around them.. Please take care of yourselves, and I'm sorry for not being able to find the right words for this.

Laters,

JJ.

>ovc: loonatheworld (200316).

https://youtu.be/U5z35vxC9bs

[trekkiehood]

Never Again - SPN Fanfic

@febuwhump : Day 6/ Alt 2 - Trapped Under a Collapsed Building

Title: Never Again

Fandom: Supernatural

Words: 3.1k

Setting: Stanford Era, Brotherhood AU, 9/11/2001

Whumpee: Dean

Caretaker: Sid (OC/RP)

Other Characters: Caleb

Ship: None

Ao3 Link

Summary: Dean is working a job with Caleb in NYC trying to distract himself from Sam's departure for college, when the Twin Towers are hit in a terrorist attack.

Trigger Warnings: 9/11, fire, death, explosions, building collapse, injury or death do to disability

Authors Note:

Dean is 22 Sam is 18 Caleb is 30

Disclaimer:

I'm sorry if info dump I spent four days majorly hyperfixating on this, watching 6+ hours of live news and even longer reading news articles on everything from the event to the elevator system in the towers. Also I was not born until a few months after 9/11 so if I mess up or have gathered wrong information I apologize. Also while the story of Stairwell B is true Dean was obviously not there. I know very little about the actual Sid except that he was a firefighter that day so I apologize if he is portrayed accurately. If you want the true events surrounding stairwell B you can read about them here: . /news/19572389.9-11-attack-josephine-harris-miracle-stairwell-b/

Jensen recently said that most scared he's ever been was on 9/11 and tho Jensen and Dean are in very different circumstances, I tried to capture some of that fear.

I know this one is really late (it's not quite midnight here tho so still on time) and it's because I wrote it today lol. Everything else has been prewritten. With that in mind, this was written very fast and I haven't even had time to re-read the whole things so I apologize for any mistakes.

However! I really love this one guys!

I've always wanted to write a 9/11 piece, especially when I realized it would have happened right after Sam left for college. This is nothing like what my original plan was when I first decided to write one a year ago, but I like it still. It moves really fast I know but it was the only way I could make it work.

I'll say more in the end note and let you guys get to reading lol.

Enjoy!

~TH~

There were very few things that scared Dean more than heights. Very few. One of those things had already happened but he was trying very hard to keep his head in New York and away from Stanford. But regardless, Dean hated heights. And he was very high. Yes people paid over ten bucks for a view he was getting for free. He did not care. It was grossly unfair that Caleb had made him come up here to attend this meeting when the older man just as easily could have come himself.

Dean's phone rang and he looked down at the number. Speak of the devil.

He stepped into the hallway and answered. "I hope you're happy."

"Where are you?" Caleb sounded oddly stressed for this early in the morning.

Dean rolled his eyes, "You know where I am."

"I'm serious. I want to know the exact place you are."

"About to go into the meeting with the guy from McLennan. And no I'm not late. The appointment isn't for a few more minutes."

"You need to leave."

"As much as I'd love to, we actually do need to talk to this dude."

"No. Get out of there. Now."

"Dude I just took two elevators ninety-three stories into the air just so you could make me come back down? If I leave I'm not coming back up here. You're on your own."

"Deuce, listen to me. You have to get out of there. Now. Something bad is going to happen."

That caught Dean's attention. "Did you have a vision?"

"More- more of a nightmare but listen to me you have to get out of there. I don't know what's about to happen but it's bad and you need to be as far away from the Trade Center as possible."

"Are you sure you're not just, I don't know, getting everything mixed up? I mean it was a dream not a vision. Maybe you're just feeling protective and remembering 93'-"

"Dean." The use of the Wincther boy's full name stopped him in his tracks. "It's not. I'm telling you something is going to happen. Not has happened. Is going to."

"Fine, fine. It's not that I don't trust you it's just that those elevators are-"

"Take the stairs."

"You're kidding. It's ninety-three floors, Damian."

"You didn't- Listen I can't explain it. I didn't get the whole picture. I just know that if you don't get out of there right now you will die."

"And the elevator?"

"Please."

"Fine but only to seventy-eight." He didn't understand why the civilians got a straight ride to the top while workers had to take to elevators to get to their floor. But he'd play along until he could get to the express elevators.

"Just get moving."

"Fine, I'll call you back when-"

"No! Just- just stay on the line, alright?"

"Dude how bad was it?" He said, opening the door to the B stairwell and beginning his descent.

"Bad dude. I'm really not even sure what happened but it was bad."

"Do we need to call someone?"

"I wouldn't know what to say. It's more of… just a bad feeling mixed with images I can't place. I don't know man, I just want you out of there."

"Yeah, yeah, and you want me to walk down over ninety flights of stairs to do it. Let me use the elevators and I'll be out in five minutes."

Caleb let out a breath of a laugh at that. "Get down to the express elevator and we'll talk about it. The one's near the top aren't near as fast."

"And here I thought you didn't like the business side of New York."

"Architecture, Deuce. It's the tallest building in the U.S. It'd be a sin not to study it."

Dean let out an involuntary shiver, "Don't remind me."

"What floor are you on now?"

Dean glanced up at the marker as he continued the seemingly endless descent. "Eighty-eight."

"Keep going."

"I am. You gonna call the office and cancel my meeting? They don't seem like the type of people to appreciate a no show. Especially before nine. 8:45 Damian. Who sets a meeting that early?"

"They can deal with it." He said with a smile in his voice. Dean was glad to have relieved at least some of the tension. "I'll call them as soon as you're out."

"Yeah yeah, which will be over an hour at this rate."

"Stop complaining, dude. Just think of it as one of Johnny's training exercises."

"The difference being, Dad never sent us an unholy amount in the air! Mountains? Yeah? Skyscrapers? Never again."

"One day you'll thank me for breaking your fear of heights."

"Breaking them? You mean exploiting them?"

"Hey whatever wor-"

A loud explosion shut out any other sound. The building shook and Dean was sure that the stairs were about to fall out from under him. His phone slipped from his hand and fell over the railing as he desperately grabbed for the shaking rail. Chunks of debris began to fall above him. Something hit his head and his knees started to give out. He was going to die. The building was about to collapse and he was going to die. The shaking stopped. Dean kept his hands firmly on the railing, pulling himself up and taking a few deep breaths.

He was okay. He was fine. Whatever had happened up there didn't involve him.

And he'd done a pretty good job at convincing himself of that before the stairwell began to fill with smoke.

Dean didn't know what was going on but he knew that Caleb was right. He needed to get out of there. Now.

His phone was lost to him. Whether it was broken somewhere or had fallen down the flights, he didn't have time to go looking. Caleb would have to deal until he could get out of there or find someone else with a cellphone. He felt like he was being actively chased by the fire. The smoke was coming down the stairwell faster than he could outrun it.

The eighty-second floor had smoke coming from the doorway. Had the fire spread that fast? Dean still had no idea what was happening. It had to have been some sort of bomb. But how had they gotten it up all the way up? The tower wasn't even open to visitors yet. Last time it had been the parking garage and they'd upped the security since then. How-?

It didn't matter. What mattered was that the smoke had caught up with him. It had caught up with him and he couldn't breathe. It didn't matter. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Stop. People needed help. But that wasn't hig job. His job was to get out. But he could hear them. The door was stuck. He should- should he?

Flashes of baby Sammy being pressed into his arms made the decision for him. He turned and ran back up the stairs until he found the door that had stuck in his mind. Someone was pounding on it from the other side.

Dean glanced up, noticing the fire still spreading. They needed to act fast. Some of the debris was blocking the door if he could just-

The debris moved, the door swung open. People started pouring out. Dean was trapped between the flow of people and the wall. He waited, unsure of what else to do. Saving people had always been his job. The fact that there was no supernatural activity involved that he knew of didn't change that fact.

When the last person had rushed past him down the stairs, he went in finding a man in a wheelchair trying to stand up.

Dean gave him a once over. He was smaller. Dean should be able to lift him with relative ease.

"Legs or back?"

The man blinked up at him, falling back in his chair. "What?"

"I need to know how to carry you."

"Back."

Dean couldn't stop the curse. Fireman's carry was out of the question. "Okay, okay, do you think you could hang on if I tried to get you on my back?"

"I think so." The man nodded.

Dean squatted in front of the chair. "Wrap your arms over my shoulders and then lean into me."

The man did as he was told and Dean crossed his arms over his chest, grabbing the man's wrists.

"Do what you can with your legs. I'll get you out of here but I need all the hlp I can get."

The man nodded into his shoulder and Dean stood up. The smoke was really pouring in now. It was nearly impossible to see.

"Grab onto my left arm." He instructed. "I need my right one to feel my way down."

When his arm was free he felt along the wall. It was slower than he would have like but faster than the man would have been able to get down himself. If the man could have at all. Dean thought about asking his name but at this point just breathing was enough effort without the added idea of speaking.

It was around floor seventy when Dean had to take a break. "Sorry, sorry," He muttered slowing down and finally coming to a stop.

"It's okay. Put me on the steps."

Dean didn't have the energy to decline. He knew he needed to keep moving but was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe. His head was pounding and there were far too many memories flooding his mind of smoke and burning and death.

Okay. Okay. He could do this. Don't think about the fact that he was close to a thousand feet in the air in a burning building in the near pitch black. Or that his life was not the only one he was responsible for right now. He felt around until he found the door handle and pulled. It opened and the smoke went into the room. Dean quickly grabbed the other man under the arms and pulled him into the room, moving back away from the fire.

"Just, just give me a minute to catch my breath."

The man nodded. "I'm Samuel by the way." Dean's head jerked up. Of course he was.

"Dean."

Winchester shook his head, clearing the rest of the cobwebs. The floor was beginning to fill with smoke anyway. "Okay. Get on." He instructed.

Dean happened to glance out of the window when he saw it. A plane. And it flew right right into the South Tower.

Debris from the tower was coming towards them and Dean took off a run towards the smoke-filled stairwell.

A plane. It was a plane.

"Did you see that?" Samuel whispered, clutching tighter to Dean's arm.

Dean didn't answer. He hurried down the stairs as quickly as he could.

He wasn't sure of the floor numbers anymore. Just breathe. Step. Breathe. Step. Breathe. Step.

Time seemed to drag on in a never ending world of darkness and smoke. His eyes stung and he wondered if there was even any reason to keep his eyes open. Then his eyes weren't open. Then he was on his knees with someone calling his name. He wasn't sure exactly how long he had been there. Had he lost consciousness or was his head just fuzzy from the smoke?

He felt foolish. He'd been trained to continue to fight in terrible conditions and yet here he was, choking on smoke in a friggin' skyscraper of all things. He really, really hated heights.

"Sir?"

When Dean looked up there was a blur of movement.

"What floor are we on?" he heard Samuel ask.

"thirty-four." An unknown and slightly muffled voice answered.

"He's been carrying me since eighty-three. Collapsed a couple minutes ago."

Dean blinked as hands tilted his face up and something was pressed over his face. "Take a couple of breaths kid." Then to someone above him. "Get him out of here. I'll stay with the kid."

His initial reaction to fight was overridden by the blessing of cool oxygen filling his lungs. "Sam?" Dean muttered, handing the mask back over to who he now realized was a firefighter.

"Someone's got him. Worry about yourself for a minute. I'm Sal."

"Dean," He answered as Sal helped him to his feet. He was barely standing when an earth shattering roar sounded. The building swayed and Dean clutched onto the firefighter, all thoughts of embarrassment long gone. He was going to die. He was going to die in a metal deathtrap higher in the air then he had ever even wanted to be.

The firefighter's radio went off. "South Tower has collapsed. Get out of there now. Over."

"No." the man whispered, an air of disbelief in his voice. Then into his radio, "Coming down."

"What does he mean it collapsed?" Dean asked as Sal started pulling him down the stairs at a much quicker speed than he had been moving before. "How is that even possible?!"

Not that he hadn't thought the building was going to collapse when the initial explosion had happened. But Caleb had always gone on about the structural brilliance of this place. Surely the building couldn't just… fall.

The fireman didn't answer and Dean didn't press. He stumbled down the stairs, the high power flashlight finally allowing him to be able to see where he was going.

The two continued until there was a group of firemen in front of them. One of them was carrying a woman. "What's going on?" Sal shouted.

"We're looking for a chair! It will make it easier to carry her down the rest of the way!" Someone shouted back.

"You good to stand here while I help him look?" Dean nodded, leaning against the wall. He was unsure if he'd ever been this tired in his life.

They weren't sure how long they'd been on the platform, but it couldn't have been too long, when the rumble began. Dean had seen and heard some loud and downright horrific things. But nothing had ever been louder than this moment. A gust of wind stronger than anything Dean had ever felt picked him up and threw him. It was like being attacked by a ghost but with no one to fight back against.

Dean hit the ground. Then there was silence. For a moment Dean thought he was dead. There was no sound. No light. He couldn't breathe. He could taste dust and his eyes burned along with his other senses. For a moment he wondered if he was in Hell.

"Sound off!" Came a shout from somewhere. Names began being called out. He heard Sal call out his name and felt relieved that the other man had survived.

Dean called out after it seemed that no one else was alive to speak. There were fifteen of them. Twelve firefighters, a police officer, the women that they were helping down, and him. A radio went off somewhere. People calling in their locations and asking for help. Dean knew he should get up, try to help. But the idea of just letting the darkness claim him was far more appealing. There was so much smoke. Was there even a hope of them getting out of this alive? Probably not. He was so tired.

"Kid, is that you? You with us?"

An arm shook him slightly and Dean grunted. "Wh-what happened?"

"Not sure. The stairwell is blocked below us. A Lt. Warchola radioed in. Said he's on the twelfth floor. We were heading up to check on him. How are you? Anything broken? Bleeding?"

Dean hummed lightly, finally taking stock of his aching body. His shoulder ached but wasn't broken. There was a cut on his leg but it wasn't life threatening. His head was pounding but it had been since the initial explosion. He might have hit it again but supposed at the moment it didn't really matter.

"I'm fine." Dean finally answered. "Help me up." Some debris had caught him, keeping him from being able to get up himself. The railing had twisted in such a way that squeezing out from it would have been near impossible without the fireman's help.

He followed Sal up the stairs, limping slightly. They went up as high as they could, meeting several other firemen, but there was no use. Everything had caved in. It was nothing but twisted metal above and below them. They were trapped.

The smoke was too much to see. After the failed rescue attempt, the fifteen survivors made their way as far down as they could go and sat together on the debris covered floor. Those who had oxygen, would periodically hand it off to one of the others. Dean was unsure of how long they sat there. Time held no real meaning. His head ached and he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to stay awake.

"Hey," Sal nudged him slightly, handing off the mask.

Dean blinked a couple times before taking it.

"Hang in there kid, we're getting out of here."

A grunt was the answer. Dean had always had a complicated relationship with talking. He had no problem chattering on if necessary, but also found no reason to force out words when what he really wanted was to remain silent. So he just leaned his head back against the wall and breathed.

After a time, the smoke cleared enough for them to be able to catch glimpses of light. The firemen broke away to look around. Dean stayed with the woman, Josephine Harris. They didn't talk. She cried. Dean stared blankly into the darkness.

A commotion above him had him jerking up from a not quite sleep.

"Sunlight!" Someone called, "I think there's a hole big enough to get through!"

Sal appeared a few moments later with a fireman Dean vaguely remembered being named Butler. "You hear that? We're getting out of here. Told you we would."

Dean was pulled to his feet while Butler lifted the quietly sobbing women. They made their way up to the fourth floor.

It wasn't a constant stream, but every once in a while the smoke would clear enough to see sunlight. Dean followed Sal through the hole. The sun was bright. Too bright. But then Dean got a good look around him.

There was nothing.

He supposed nothing was a bad word for it. There was never ending rubble and flames and smoke. But what there wasn't was towers. The twin towers were gone. Dean glanced towards where they had come from and looked up. The tower was gone. The tower had literally collapsed around them.

"Come on kid, let's find someone to get you looked at."

Dean allowed himself to be led forward, ignoring the shouts of rescue personnel, ignoring the hands on him. He felt disjointed. Unreal. He couldn't stop glancing back at where the World Trade Center had once stood. The sky, so full of smoke and debris and who knew what else looked so… empty.

"But it-it's gone."

The guiding hand around him tightened. "I know kid, I know."

(To be continued in Day 16)

~TH~

9/11/01 was an extremely tragic day in America and it had worldwide effects. I hope I dealt with it respectfully. As I mentioned in a pervious note, I was not even born when 9/11 took place, but I EXTENSIVLEY researched the event (I had over 30 tabs open and the floor plan for the building. Not to mention watching hours of survivor footage) and did my best to make them reasonably accurate. Of course I have taken creative liberties. Sid was a real person. I know little to nothing about him except he was part of Station 6 and was assisting a disabled women named Josephine Harris in Stairwell B when the building collapsed and survived.

We'll be seeing Caleb's side of this story on day 16. It has not yet been written so feel free to throw out ideas lol.

I live and breathe comments so let me know what you think!

God bless,

Jamie

[getitinbusan]

Studio Sessions 1

It's Min Yoongi's birthday and you're ready to give him whatever he wants. When he makes a sarcastic wish while blowing out the candles he didn't think you'd take it seriously. But he's glad you did.

When word spreads about these special "Studio Sessions" everyone wants to collaborate.

A chaptered 0T7 smut. 

The Taehyung Collaboration - Smut

"You should take a break baby, it's your birthday." You whined at him while rubbing his shoulders.

Turning in his chair he chuckled, "We've already had sex 3 times today, I'm getting old jagi, I can't keep up." He kissed your hand that was gently massaging his old injury. 

The doorbell rang and Taehyung came in with his cake followed by the other 5 members. They sang and left, visits to Yoongi's studio we're usually kept pretty short, he made no qualms about telling them he'd rather be alone.

Taehyung was the last to leave as usual. His affinity for Yoongi  was endearing, always taking his time when he was allowed to be in the studio.

"What did you wish for Hyung?" the curious dongsaeng asked.

You kissed his cheek grinning with a raised eyebrow, "Yeah what did you wish for?"

He shook his head and groaned, "I wished that Taehyung would take you off my hands and fuck the shit out of you so I could get some work done."

"Interesting," you tried not to let his words fluster you.

 It was a game he liked to play, albeit usually not in front of people. Yoongi liked to be vocal in bed, calling you a slut, asking which of his friends you wanted to fuck. You'd spoken about three somes but nothing ever came from it. Now, here you were.

Looking from him to Teahyung you went along with it, "Well, I did tell you you could have anything you wanted today." 

Poor Taehyung stood with his mouth open as Yoongi shrugged, "I've got work to do, just keep it down."

Grabbing his hand playfully you pulled Tae over to the green leather couch, he stood not knowing what was happening. 

Looking over his shoulder Yoongi let the words leave his lips, "Go ahead Tae, she's fucking instiable. Think of it as doing me a favour." 

Taehyung looked at you questioningly, so you nodded in approval. Like a switch had flicked inside him, his hungry sexuality was now on display. His duality always amazed you, changing his whole persona in a heartbeat. You knew he was never as shy as he pretended to be, now you looked forward to seeing just how bold he would get. 

Staring you down he rubbed his thumb over his bottom lip. His eyes went dark before swirling his tongue around the appendage and forcing it into your mouth. 

Yoongi let out a laugh, "oh baby girl, I think you may have just met your match. 

It took all of two seconds to learn that Tae was 100% Dom. Grabbing your face he pulled you in close, so close you thought he was going to kiss you but instead he hissed, "Get on your knees." 

You got down reaching to undo his pants, you couldn't wait to see him. It was a common joke amongst the members that Tae's cock was so huge and talented that it could easily be named the 8th member of BTS.

"No touching," he said, swatting your hand away. Undoing himself, the baggy brown dress pants fell around his barefeet. He wasn't wearing any underwear and his semi hard honey cock was already impressive against his dark full pubic hair. 

A quiet,"Fuck," slipped out of your mouth. You could hear Yoongi shift, back still turned in his chair. 

Teahyung's large hand wrapped around his dick as he tapped it on your lips, getting it harder and harder. "Do you think you can take it all, be a good little girl choking around my cock?" 

Opening your mouth as far as you could, you sure as hell were going to try. 

Moving his hands to hold both sides of your face he pushed himself in slowly. His head fell back and he sighed.

"She's good right?" Yoongi offered from his work station. 

You wondered if he felt jealous, was he enjoying it? Suddenly Taehyung thrust into your throat making you gag, "Pay attention!" 

Testing your limits he shoved himself deeper, holding himself there until you struggled for air. Tears were streaming down your cheeks as he continued the pattern, leaving you gasping everytime he pulled back out. 

"I told you to fuck her, not kill her," Yoongi had turned to watch. "Tell Tae our safe word baby."

He used your hair to pull you off him, saliva dripping down your chin. Taehyung waited for the answer, "It's Mercy, and I've never had to fucking use it so keep going Tae." 

Tae laughed,"Get up and strip, I've been imagining what those tits look like for years." 

Yoongi cleared his throat as if to scold the younger man. "You're the one who asked for this, we're just giving you what you wished for," Tae said a little to defyingly.

Walking over to his chair you knew he was questioning his decision to do this. You leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek and whispered, "If you want me to stop I will, I belong to you."

That was all he needed, a reassurance that despite who was fucking you, you were still thinking of him. He gave you a slight nod to continue.

Turning back to face Taehyung you got on your knees between Yoongi's legs, "unzip me baby?" 

Undoing the zipper of your dress he let his fingertips trail over back. A shiver took over your skin turning your nipples into hard pebbles. As you stood, the dress fell to the floor leaving you on display. You'd foregone any undergarments in the anticipation of today's events. However, your wildest imagination couldn't have prepared you for this. 

Taehyung walked towards you, cupping your breast, "God you're perfect." He said leaning in to finally kiss you. 

His mouth, his soft lips, his warm tongue, he moved them down your neck, making you moan. Pinching your nipple while asking softly in your ear, "How do you want me to fuck you?" 

Making eye contact with your boyfriend you answered, "I love it from behind...leaning over the desk." 

Yoongi could only shake his head at you, "you're really determined to keep me from working today aren't you?" 

Sliding his chair and keyboard to the side he gestured to the empty spot on the desk, "don't let me stop you." 

Strategically positioning yourself on an angle, you made sure your tits would be bouncing in Yoongi's face while Tae fucked you. He pretended to do work as you bent over waiting for Tae's giant cock to make it's entrance. 

You heard him spit before it landed and slid down the crack of your ass. Using his fingers he spread the slick of his saliva over you. "I don't think you even need this, you're so wet already."

You winced as you felt the head of his cock attempt entrance, "such a tight little hole Y/N." 

He really was big, not just in length but the sheer girth was beyond normal. They made a special category of porn for dicks like this. "For fucks sake Tae, just fucking shove it in."

So he did. Nothing held back, full force, one thrust and it was in. It jolted you so hard you smashed into Yoongi with a whimper, tears streaming down your cheeks. Tae stayed frozen inside you while Yoongi held your face, "You're doing so good baby, let him know when he can move." 

He kissed you, his lips soft and delicate on yours, a huge contrast to the stabbing pain radiating from between your legs. 

Tae was patient as he ran his hands over your skin. Reaching between your legs his fingertip found your clit and he began rubbing it trying to bring back some of your lost arousal. Slowly you moved, adjusting yourself to Taehyung's cock by rocking him in and out little by little. 

"You feel so fucking good Y/N, are you ready? I want to make you cum so badly, cum all over my cock…" 

When he knew you were okay, he picked up his assault on your pussy. The pleasure mixed with pain had you moaning and crying while he seemed to get off on knowing he was afflicting you with both. 

Yoongi watched, staring at you as his friend fucked you right beside him. You could tell he was enjoying himself as he palmed himself over his jeans. 

"Do you want more baby?" He asked you.

"I always want more Yoongi, help me cum, you know what I want."

Pushing his chair closer to you, you braced yourself on the arms. He did know what you needed, he knew your body so well he could get you to cum in seconds. Reaching out to grab both your breasts he sucked and licked back and forth until your moans were so loud he wasn't sure the soundproofing would muffle it. 

Picking up speed as you got wetter Tae was grunting trying to hold off a little longer. Yoongi could tell you were just about to peak. "Cum on his cock baby, I want to watch," he slid his tongue around your nipple and you hit your high. 

"Fuuuuck, I'm coming, fuck...Tae don't stop…" 

He sloppily thrust a few more times and shot his cum deep inside you. 

Yoongi collapsed back in his chair while Tae was leaning over you pressed into your back. Trying to catch his breath, he laid small kisses over your shoulders and repeatedly muttered thank you. 

After a few awkward minutes Yoongi broke the silence, "So thanks for the birthday party." 

Tae took the hint and began putting his clothes back on. Walking him to the door you left a kiss on his now shy blushing cheek. Yoongi shouted from across the room, "Yah, don't make this weird...and for fucks sake don't tell anyone."

The door clicked shut and you made you way over to your boyfriend. Sitting naked in his lap Taehyung's cum dripped out of you puddling on Yoongi's jeans. "Oh no, I got you pants wet. You should probably take them off." 

His smiling mouth hung open, "You still haven't had enough?" 

Just about to say you hadn't, you heard the lock tone of the keypad and the handle turning. 

Jimin came bustling in and immediately began blushing, "I'm sorry..." he said, but he made no quick effort to leave. "I just...wanted to make sure you had a happy birthday." He licked his plush lips while staring. 

You looked at Yoongi and he palmed his face. "You should be careful what you wish for I guess," you couldn't help but laugh.

Giving in Yoongi sighed, "Come on in Jimin, it seems like everyone's getting presents tonight."

_______________________________

Jimin

J-Hope & Joon

Jin

Jungkook

Yoongi

[fics-n-stuff]

Empty Castle

Pairing: JJ x reader

Summary: Three weeks after John B and Sarah Cameron were lost at sea, Kildare is still reeling from the dramatic events surrounding the death of its sheriff. JJ in particular has been struggling to get back to normal, so Y/N goes to try and help him get back on his feet. Sequel to Holding Cell.

Warnings: tiny bit of swearing, v sad JJ

Word Count: 4.2k (about double what I originally intended)

A/N: This took way longer than expected and I didn't mean for this to be so sad but it got real sad, so there isn't really anything beyond platonic until towards the end. I would highly suggest that you read Holding Cell first (perhaps because I worked hard on it and I want people to read it) but if you really don't want to then all you really need to know is that JJ and Y/N were childhood friends but hadn't spoken for two years until they both got arrested on the same day and they decided to be friends again. Cool, enjoy! :)

The bell for the end of school rang and the crowd of teenagers swarmed out, and you made your way to the bike rack along with your friends.

"So, my house for movie night?" Jess said, and the rest of your friends chorused in agreement.

"Actually, I have something else to do." You replied, fastening your helmet. "I'll come by after if I finish up in time."

"What are you doing?"

"I need to go see someone." You replied, quickly getting on your bike before any further questions could be asked. "Later guys."

You cycled out to the house that you knew was where John B lived - basically the entire island knew where he lived after everything that had happened - and left your bike on the porch. The front door was open.

"JJ?" You called tentatively. "Are you here?" You heard movement from one of the rooms and turned towards it, seeing JJ walk out a few moments later. He looked disheveled, shirtless and with messy hair.

"Y/N?" He asked, surprised. His voice was slightly gravelly, like he'd woken up not long ago. "Why are you here?"

"I came to find you, JJ. School started on Monday, you've missed the whole week."

"School started?" His question made you frown in worry. "Wait, how did know I'd be here?"

"Because you're not anywhere else." You answered, putting down your school bag. "Nobody's really seen you. I stopped by at your house and your dad said-"

"You did what?"

"Relax, JJ, it's not as if he has any idea who I am. And he told me that you haven't been home in two weeks."

"I'm surprised he's kept track." JJ muttered.

"Clearly you haven't." The comment made JJ pause. He ruffled his hair and let out a long sigh, looking down at his own appearance. "What have you been doing these past weeks?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "It's kinda blurred. I go to work, I go fishing, I smoke. I really didn't realise that school had started." He crossed the room to the sofa and grabbed a tank top off of the back of it, throwing it on before making his way to the kitchen.

"So I take it you've just been living here." You stated, looking around the mess that had accumulated in the house.

"Yeah. Pope and Lie have been staying away from the place ever since, uh..." He trailed off, pushing his tongue against his cheek and clearing his throat. "But me, I'm here basically all the time. They use Heyward's boat so I've got the HMS Pogue all to myself; they use Kie's car, I get that busted up van." He laughed, but there was a real sadness behind it.

You watched JJ as he made himself a sandwich, and even from a distance you could tell that there was barely any food in that kitchen. A few seconds passed and you spun on your heel, starting to collect empty food packages from around the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Cleaning." You answered matter-of-factly. "If you insist on staying here, I insist that you keep it clean."

"Why do you even care?"

When you turned around to face him JJ was leaning against the kitchen door frame. He wasn't looking at you, rather he was staring at the floor. His body language was relaxed but you knew that that wasn't how he was feeling.

"What happened to the 'giving to whole friendship thing another try' deal?" You replied. "I'm just trying to live up to my side of the agreement."

"Maybe that wasn't such a great idea."

"Okay." You muttered after a stretch of silence. "Let's try this again later. You go off back to your bedroom or whatever, I'll clean up here and we can reconvene at a later time." You pushed past him into the kitchen to look through the cabinets for trash bags, and when you found them you pushed past him back to the living room.

"Y/N-"

"I'm not leaving, JJ, so don't even try it." You interrupted, throwing empty bottles and cans into a trash bag. You heard him mutter something under his breath and disappear down the hall, slamming the door shut behind him. You scoffed and continued clearing the house.

You got rid of all of the trash from the living room and the kitchen before knocking on the door to the room JJ had shut himself in. By now he'd had about half an hour of preparation for a civil conversation.

When you opened the door he was lying on his back on the bed with a hat covering his face, but you knew he was awake because he kept fiddling with his fingers and tensing and untensing his jaw.

"You ready to talk about it?" You asked softly, taking a seat at the foot of the bed.

"No." He mumbled, his response muffled by the hat over his face.

"Want a hug?" He didn't answer, so you took his silence to mean 'yes but I don't want to say it out loud'. You kicked off your shoes and shuffled up the bed so that you were lying beside JJ, draping an arm over his body and resting your head on his chest. He let out a long sigh and slowly wrapped his arm around your body, pulling you in closer.

You stayed like that for a long time, just listening to yourselves breathe while you waited for JJ to be ready to talk to you.

"We really ran off a cliff, didn't we?" He finally broke the silence, his voice quiet and full of emotion as he removed the hat from over his face. "Pope lost his scholarship, I've become a complete pothead, John B and Sarah are missing. We don't even have the gold."

"Gold?" You questioned.

"We found the wreck of the Merchant, Y/N." He whispered, staring up at the ceiling. "And we found the gold, underneath the Craine house, and Ward Cameron took the whole lot out from under us while the town was on a manhunt for John B."

"Oh my god, JJ!" You exclaimed, sitting up. "You seriously found the Merchant gold?"

"Yep. To finish what Big John started. But it doesn't matter now, it's gone. Just like John B." His voice broke as he said his best friend's name, and you lay back down beside him.

"I'm sorry."

"They could still be out there, right?" JJ murmured. "I mean, they found the Phantom but they didn't find John B and Sarah. Maybe they got picked up by a ship."

"Yeah of course, that's totally possible." You nodded. The silence stretched out again, JJ sniffling every now and then as if holding back from crying.

After a while you sat up, getting JJ's attention and he turned his head to look at you.

"Let's go grocery shopping." You said. "There's barely any food in this house, you need some supplies."

"I haven't really got the money, Y/N."

"My parents just left town and I never spend all of the money that they leave so we can use that." You replied adamantly. "You need to get some human contact, okay? So let's go."

You climbed off of the bed and put your shoes back on before pulling JJ up as well. Reluctantly, he put on some shoes and grabbed the keys to John B's van.

+++

The two of you were out for about an hour. You stopped off at your house to grab the cash before going to the grocery store, where you ended up leading the shopping trip because JJ apparently had basically no knowledge of nutrition. Being with another person seemed to bring JJ out of the haze that he had been presumably for the past few weeks; he even smiled at a joke you made while you were at the checkout.

"I didn't expect you to have enough money for a full grocery shop." JJ said as the two of you packed the food away in the kitchen.

"Well, because my parents don't talk to each other they also don't coordinate their trips out of town which most often results in them both leaving money for me." You explained. "I never tell them, I just keep the extra cash as compensation for the neglect." You smiled, closing the cabinet you had been packing things into and turning around to take a seat on the counter. JJ finished putting away the last of the groceries and leant against the wall opposite you, folding his arms over his chest.

"Why'd you really come find me?" He asked.

"Well, after John B and Sarah got lost in the storm it was obvious that you weren't going to be doing the best." You answered, watching him carefully to gauge how he was feeling. "And when you didn't show up for school all of this week, I figured that you might need a friend to bring you back to reality."

"I, uh, I appreciate that." He nodded, his lips turning upwards into a small smile.

"Happy to help." A silence settled between you again, as it had many times throughout the evening, but it felt a little different this time; slightly more tense, but not in a bad way.

"Do you wanna go out on the boat?" JJ suggested. "The sun's about to set."

"Sure. Sounds nice." You replied, hopping off of the counter. His smile grew and he kicked off the wall, adjusting his hat on his head as he headed back to the front door, you following after.

You took a seat on the bow of the boat while JJ got it going, and you stayed in silence as he drove you out into the marsh. The sky was orange and violet when he anchored the Pogue, and he came to take a seat beside you.

"It's nice, isn't it?" He said quietly, looking out at the sun setting over the water. "I come out here most nights if I'm not still at work."

"Yeah, it's beautiful." You nodded. "What's your job?"

"Busboy in a hotel restaurant. You got a job?"

"Nah, I've got my absent parent money." You looked over at JJ and you could see sympathy in his eyes. "Don't feel bad for me, it's really not so terrible." You chuckled. You didn't need sympathy; certainly not from JJ, who was in a far more difficult situation than you.

You talked idly as you watched the sunset and when the sky turned dark you had settled into silence and lay back on the boat to look up at the stars. The two of you were lying with your hands on your stomachs, your elbows touching with the proximity in the small boat.

"What if they're not out there?" JJ whispered, barely audible.

"Then... we learn to keep going." You answered, turning your head to look at him. "Look, JJ, I was never as close to John B as you were, and I have no idea how you guys became friends with Sarah Cameron, but whether they're out or not, and whether they cane back, you'll always have them with you."

He turned to look at you too, tears shining in his eyes, and you reached a hand out to grab his and interlocked your fingers.

"I know it's cliché, but it's true." You smiled reassuringly. "They left you a piece of themselves to keep in your heart, and nothing can ever take that from you." He held onto your hand tightly, a single tear escaping his eye as he tensed his jaw to try and hold back any more.

"I really miss him, Y/N." He sniffled. "He was my brother, you know." You quickly moved to hug JJ, your body half on top of his as he wrapped his arms around you tightly and buried his face in your shoulder as he started to break down.

You maneuvered the two of you into a sitting position so that you could wrap your arms around him properly, cradling his head in your hand. He held onto you tightly, his tears soaking through your t-shirt and his body shaking with his sobs.

Minutes passed before JJ calmed down, and you held onto his shoulders as you broke away from the hug.

"You'll be alright. Okay?" You said softly, and he nodded. "I'll drive us back." You wiped away the tears on his face with your thumbs with a smile, before getting up to bring up the anchor.

JJ stayed where he was sat while you drove the boat back to John B's house. You docked the boat and went inside, the atmosphere heavy. He took a seat on the sofa while you flicked on the lights.

"Can I tell you something, Y/N?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course."

"I used to have the biggest crush on you when we were kids." The confession left you a little shocked, but you didn't show it, and JJ continued. "John B used to tease me about it all the time. When we were thirteen, after, like, four years of pining after you, he told me that I just needed to man up and tell you... but I never did, and then our friendship kind of just fell apart."

"Why are you telling me this now?" You questioned, and JJ let out a sigh before shrugging.

"I don't know. With John B missing and you suddenly back in my life... it just feels weird." He answered. "But I'm glad that you're here. I think I really need it."

"I think you do too." You chuckled. "Now, I'm gonna make us something to eat."

"Us?"

"What, you don't want me to stay?"

"No!" He defended himself loudly, making you laugh. "No, that's not it at all. I just wasn't expecting you to."

"Well, I have nowhere else to be." You smiled before disappearing into the kitchen.

You busied yourself in cooking, cutting up some chicken and vegetables and throwing them into a stir fry. You were completely absorbed in what you were doing, humming to yourself while you pushed the food around the pan with a wooden spatula, so when you felt a hand on your shoulder it made you jump.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." JJ apologised quickly, taking a small step back. "I said your name but you didn't hear me."

"Oh, really? Sorry." You chuckled. "What did you want?"

"Just... You weren't weirded out that I used to have a crush on you?" He asked tentatively.

"No, of course not." You shrugged turning back to the pan. "I'll admit it was a little surprising, but we were kids and we were super close. Jess used to tease me about that all the time."

"About us being close?"

"Yeah. I remember one time she totally freaked out because you called me pretty. Can you get a couple of plates out for me please?" You heard JJ open a cupboard and take out a couple of plates.

"For what it's worth," He said, setting the plates down on the counter beside you and taking out some cutlery. "I still think you're pretty."

"Aw, thanks JJ." You smiled. "You're not too bad yourself."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He countered, feigning offense, and you laughed.

"Nothing. You're a good looking guy; not at all like the chubby cheeked little kid that I used to know."

You dished up your meals and you and JJ went back to the living room to eat. You kicked you legs up onto the sofa with your plate on your lap and tucked in. It was later in the evening than you would usually eat, so you were eager to get some food into your stomach. Even still, JJ practically vaccumed in the food and finished before you did. He took the plates back through to kitchen when you finished.

"You gonna head home any time soon?" He asked.

"I'm not in a rush." You shrugged. "I'll just be going back to an empty house." JJ hummed in acknowledgement. He lifted your legs up to sit on the couch beside you, putting them back down on his lap once he'd gotten himself situated. Maybe him being in such a vulnerable situation earlier had accelerated your connection, but it was like those two years that you didn't talk at all never even happened; you were just as close as ever, if not more somehow.

"You're gonna stick around, right?" He said, turning to look at you. You tilted your head slightly.

"Of course." You reassured, smiling. "I'm not gonna leave you now, of all times. Besides, I missed you and we were supposed to be trying the friendship thing again anyway."

"Yeah, the friendship thing." He muttered, downcatsing his gaze, and you frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"JJ, you can tell me." You took your legs off of his lap and crossed them under you, shuffling forwards towards JJ and lowering your head to try and catch his gaze.

"I..." He began but trailed off immediately. He let out a loud sigh, running a hand over his face and through his hair before taking a deep breath. "I know that I might just be saying this because I'm kinda fucked up in the head with my friends being lost at sea and all, but I think I still like you Y/N. As more than a friend." He rambled.

"JJ, we didn't speak to each other for two years." You replied, taken aback by what he was saying and trying to introduce some reason into the conversation.

"I know- I know that, Y/N, but... it doesn't feel like anything has changed for me." He explained, mirroring your body language and crossing his legs under himself to face you. "I get it, it's stupid, but I can't help that. I mean, I know that we were literally twelve years old but when we were friends before I think that there was something there. Maybe I'm biased because I liked you, but maybe..."

He looked at you, his eyes searching for any tell of what you were thinking, and there was a long pause while you thought.

"Even if there was something." You started slowly. "We were kids, JJ."

"We still are kids. We're sixteen." He argued. "When we were at the sheriff's station I felt something there, even though we hadn't spoken for two years. Tell me you didn't feel it too."

You looked away from him and took a deep breath. You would be lying if you said that you never had any feelings for JJ - he was probably the first real crush that you had - and it was probably your feelings for him that made you react so strongly when he would get himself into trouble. And you did think that being with JJ again felt much the same as it had done back then; plus, you hadn't been lying when you said that he'd grown up to be pretty handsome. Even still, he was going through an incredibly difficult time and you didn't think it would be a good idea to start any kind of relationship.

"Maybe... Maybe there might be something." You mumbled. "But right now really isn't the time to try it."

"Why not?"

"Because... well, you..." You struggled to articulate what you wanted to say.

"Y/N, I know it's a really messed up time, okay? Two of my best friends are lost at sea and I haven't spoken to the other two in weeks. I have lost all of the people closest to me and I feel completely alone, so maybe the fact that you're literally the only person that I have right now is making my feelings more extreme - I recognise that - but that doesn't mean that they're not real."

"JJ, I can't in good conscience agree to pursuing anything with you right now." You replied softly, shaking your head. It hurt you to have to say no.

"Don't you want to try?" He asked, voice a little weak as he looked into your eyes. "It doesn't need to be a huge commitment, we can just give it a try."

You looked over his face, the cogs turning in your mind as you thought through the situation. You really did want to give it a try, you were just worried that it might do JJ more harm than good. But the longer you ĺooked and him and the more you thought about the possibility, the more you wanted to pursue it.

"No promises, no big commitments... but I'll stick around." You smiled slightly, and you put a hand gently against JJ's cheek when he smiled back. "I just don't want you to get into something that's not good for you." He chuckled, taking your hand from his face and holding it in both of his.

"You've always been looking out for me." He mumbled, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. "Where would I be without you?"

"Somewhere messy I'm sure." You smiled.

"Definitely."

You sat in silence for a minute. You were watching JJ's face while he fiddled with your fingers. He let out puffs of air every once in a while like he had just remembered something funny, and it made you smile. You yawned, suddenly realising that you were actually really tired.

"Since I'd be going home to an empty house anyway," you began, breaking the short silence. "Would you be alright with me maybe staying here for the night?" JJ looked up from your hands with an amused smile.

"Of course." He answered happily. "I could use the company."

"Great."

He stood up from the sofa and gently pulled you up after him. Your hands remained connected as he walked you through to the same bedroom as earlier and flicked on the lights.

"This is where I've been crashing." He said, quickly scratching the back of his neck. "You can stay here with me if you want, or you can stay in the other bedroom if you'd rather do that." He became noticeably more tense at the mention of the other bedroom, and you just knew that it was because that was John B's room even though you'd never been there before.

"I'll stay here." You smiled, giving his hand a comforting squeeze. "Can I borrow a t-shirt?"

"Yeah, sure." He let go of your hand and crossed the room to a duffel bag in the corner. "There's stuff in all the drawers so I've kinda just been living out of this thing." He pulled out a t-shirt and handed it to you.

"Thank you." You smiled as you took it. JJ nodded awkwardly and shuffled past you out of the room, pulling the door shut after himself.

You quickly rid yourself of your school clothes and put on the t-shirt that JJ gave you - which was long and baggy on your body - before hopping onto the bed and covering your legs with the covers. He came back in not long later carrying two glasses of water.

"I figured you might want a drink at some point." He mumbled, setting the glass down on the bedside table. You gave a grateful smile and quiet thanks as he turned on the bedside lamp and then went to turn off the main light.

"We used to have sleepovers sometimes when we were kids." You mumbled as he walked around the bed and climbed in beside you. "Do you remember?"

"Yeah, of course I do." He smiled, lying down. "We used to stay up until midnight thinking that it was a big deal."

"It was back then. Midnight is really late when you're ten years old."

"I miss when little things like that could be so exciting." He sighed, staring up at the ceiling. You looked down at him thoughtfully, absentmindedly reaching out to brush a piece of hair out of his face.

"Well, anything can be exciting with the right company." You said softly. His eyes shifted to connect with yours and he smiled ever so slightly. "We have the whole weekend ahead of us, maybe we could do something fun. Go surfing, like old times, maybe?"

"That sounds nice." He murmured.

You shuffled down the bed to rest your head on the pillows and reached over to flick off the table lamp. You lay on your side facing JJ as he remained looking up at the ceiling. With the moonlight coming through the window you could just see the silhouette of his face and a slight shine where the light reflected off his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" You whispered after a while.

"Lots of stuff."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe tomorrow." He answered with a sigh, turning his head to look at you. "But thanks."

"No problem." You smiled. "We'll talk tomorrow." You shuffled towards JJ and curled into his chest as he wrapped an arm around you. You felt him press a very light kiss to the top of your head and it made you smile. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He replied, holding you a little tighter, and you fell asleep in each other's arms. For the first time since John B and Sarah went missing, JJ had some comfort and you were happy to be the person to provide that for him.

[mikkachu8888]

A/N I do not own any of the main plot line or characters of Marvel. Those rights are reserved for the creators. Thank you.

Peter x adult!reader

You were nervous to say the least. You looked at the clock on your wall again. It was probably only 15 minutes until they would arrive. You sighed. Mae and Peter are coming over for dinner. It's only been a few months since Tony's funeral and you can't say you were coping well. Natasha...Tony... Steve... all gone. Steve wasn't dead, but he seemed on the verge of it due to his old age now, but either way you weren't ready to let him go either. It felt like you were robbed of so much time you could have spent with him. He always was my most understanding fake uncle/dad/brother...or whatever you wanted to consider him. It didn't matter how you felt though, it's what makes him happy and you have to respect that... even if internally you weren't ready to bury another one of your family members. These people helped raise you and it broke your heart to see how your family got so much smaller.

Clint made more of an appearance in your life after the events, however. After Nat died you both found great comfort and grieving her death together. He became your new outlet to vent, which had previously belonged to Steve. Actually, this whole dinner was Clint's idea. It was something that was meant to clear the air between Peter and I.

"Are you okay?"

I turned to the voice and saw my fiancé of 8 months standing in the kitchen door with his hands in his pockets and looking at me with a concerned, but supportive smile.

"No..." I admit. "I've faced mass genocide, the largest war to human kind, and losing most of my family all at once... and yet... I've never been more nervous than I am right now."

"What do you think is going to happen?" (f/n) says.

"I don't know... I know it's really not that big of a deal compared to what we've all gone through before, but for some reason I can't bear to see Peter so upset with me. It...Just...It hurts my heart. I can't explain it." you say putting your face into your hands.

"I understand... and to be honest I think it is... a big deal." (f/n) says walking over and placing his hands on my arms gently. "So many families have been disrupted by the blip. Parents seeing their children all grown up all of a sudden, couples having larger age gaps and who have grieved and moved on, people who have blipped and realized that their loved ones that have remained here passed away in that what seemed to be moments they've been gone...in which it was actually years."

You looked up at him. He gave a small smile. "You are not the only one struggling to adjust in these weird times and grieving the lost time. I'm sure Peter is just as confused and nervous as you are. He was your boyfriend, your lover. You guys were very close and I'm sure when he came back from the blip he still thought you were the same as ever... only to realize that it wasn't the case."

"He saw me for the first time at Tony's funeral...and he wouldn't even talk to me. He just stared at me... almost like he was afraid of me." The sentence came out like it was a soft whisper, but ended with just pain and hurt in it.

"Is that a bad thing?" (f/n) asked. "Wouldn't you be? I know I would, especially if I was just a 16 year old kid."

"No no...No... You're right. I honestly should be thinking about him too. He's probably shell shocked and I'm just worried about myself." You take a deep breath and gave a slight bitter chuckle. "I'm the adult here. I've matured and learned to cope. I shouldn't be the one who's scared here."

"I think it's okay for you both to be scared. Don't worry, though. I'll be there and Mae will be there to help. Clint says he'll be standing by if you need help." It was at that moment, the doorbell rang making you jump. "You got this. I promise."

He gave you a kiss on the cheek before leaving to answer the door. You mulled over his words for a moment before sucking in a breath and following him. As you walked through your living room you reached up and began fixing your hair as you walked. You wanted to make sure you at least looked like you weren't a complete mess, but you were on the inside. A horrible, grieving, pitiful, shawarma and ice cream eating mess.

I wore black. It was my go to color. Not because I was sad or grieving, but because it is the most convenient color and showed so much class while also hiding your shame. There was very little the color black couldn't hide. You were grateful that when you joined SHIELD and the main uniform color was black. You cut your hair shorter and mostly wore it up in a tight seamless bun for work, but tonight it is in its full glory. Your fiancé wore basic white button up and black pants. He had on a tie before, but you supposed it was bothering him so he took it off. At least he put on the black blazer as well. You never liked the tie anyway. It was just something Steve had said one time that was necessary for important events. He taught (f/n) how to tie it and everything.

You stood beside (f/n) a little ways back as you were bit afraid. He opened the door and there stood Mae, Peter, and shockingly Happy smiling back. Peter actually wasn't smiling. He wasn't even looking at neither you nor (y/n). His gaze was to the side towards the floor. It was clear that he wasn't ready to face reality either. Your eyes moved back to the group as a whole. "Happy, what are you doing here?" You- asked stretching out a smile that may have seemed a little forced.

"Well, I was just popping over to the Parker residence from visiting Pepper and Morgan, and Mae invited me to come along, so I thought I haven't seen you in a while and there was no harm in dropping by as well. I wanted to see what you've been up to and what not." Happy nodded with a big smile. He leaned close and half whispered "Mae thought that you all could use as much help as you could get with this weird situation anyway."

"O-oh... okay... well um. Thanks for coming. I'm sure it's appreciated." You internally cursed. More people to witness the horror that will be this dinner. You turned your attention to Mae. "Hi, Mae." You smiled a bit and you could tell she already had tears pricking her eyes and she held out her arms for a big hug. She gave you tight motherly squeeze and rubbed your back. "Hi, Honey. Gosh, you've gotten so big. You just look absolutely beautiful."

"Yes. Thank you. It's been so long since I've seen you... Well I suppose not to you." You attempted a joke to lighten the mood. She and Happy laughed though that joke didn't seem to land well with Peter as he didn't laugh and only seemed to be made more uncomfortable.

Your eyes did fixate on Peter now and the silence of the group became thick and very tense. He wasn't saying anything and you bit your lip. "Hey...Peter." Your voice was softer and sounded week. He looked exactly the same. Young baby face with wispy brown hair that seemed to like to hang in his face depending how it fell. He did a pretty good job at keeping it combed back, however. His brown eyes finally looked back at you and widened just slightly. You looked so much different, yet, exactly the same. For starters, the makeup. That was so much more new. You never wore makeup. You were perfectly happy with the nude appearance of your face. Although you weren't wearing much makeup it was still prevalent that you had some on, but just enough to look clean and classy. Your hair wasn't as super long as you had it when you were younger. It was always down and long and it was a daily struggle for you to keep it maintained and out of paint or your food at lunch. You were always getting it caught in your mouth or finding random strands of it on your clothing or in your stuff. He remembered how sometimes when he kissed you your hair would get caught between their lips. It was embarrassing then, but now he missed it. Now it was cut much shorter and seemed more tamed. He wasn't sure if he liked that or not. It didn't matter, however, for some reason in Peter's mind it made you look all the much more mature and older. Everything about you seemed older and mature. Your body was different. Slightly wider hips and a bit larger breasts. He probably wouldn't have noticed either difference if it wasn't for the dress you were wearing... or for the matter that you were wearing a dress at all. Dresses and skirts weren't your forte last time he saw you. You said they restricted you from doing the things you wanted to do. No, leggings and jeans covered in paint, pen marks, sharpies was what you wore on a daily basis along with an oversized hoody of some sort. Peter looked down at the ground. He noticed you weren't wearing any shoes. He cracked a slight side smile. At least that was one thing that didn't changed about you. You always hated wearing shoes. It didn't matter where you were or the temperature outside. Shoes were never the priority for you. You always carried a pair and wore them when you had to, but if they bothered you too much or you just found them unnecessary you'd kick them off and immediately toss them in your backpack. So many times you'd walk down the school halls bare foot with some type of drawing that you drew on them from being bored in class. Peter always thought that little quirk was cute. He could actually see a little tattoo on the side of your foot, but couldn't make it out in that moment. In fact when he looked closer, he saw that both your feet looked slightly different from each other. He wasn't quite sure, but it seemed the foot with the tattoo seemed somewhat off. He just wasn't sure what was different.

His voice finally decided to make an appearance. "Hey... again..." It didn't come out as strong as he wanted it to, but it came out enough for her to hear.

"How are you?" You asked him.

"Uh..." He didn't have anything to say. He just gave an awkward nod and a generic 'ok'. He wasn't ready to talk. You backed off and looked at the group as a whole once more.

"Oh um... everyone. This is my fiancé, (f/n)" you said stepping back and introducing your now future husband. Peter's face immediately dropped. His eyes widened and he looked back and forth between you and your fiancé in an almost panicked state. He couldn't believe it. You had found someone else. You had left him.

"Hi, everyone." (f/n) smiled and waved and shook everyone's hand, except Peter who didn't even attempt to raise his hand. His face now stared wide eyed at your fiancé who waited patiently for his hand in return. Mae nudged Peter's arm and he blinked a couple of times in realization and took (f/n)'s hand to shake. "Oh yeah um sorry... it's nice to meet you." He says politely trying to cover up how frazzled he was for a moment.

"Well, everyone. Why don't you come inside?" You say and step to the side allowing everyone to filter into your home.

"Wow... fancy." Happy says looking around at stuff.

"Happy, you knew I lived here." You say unamused.

"I've never seen the inside, though." He commented back.

"So how long have you lived here?" Mae asks looking at the light fixtures.

"3 years or so now." You say watching them. "I know it's much different than that dingy apartment I was at before."

"Yeah um.... How did you get a place like this?" Peter asks quietly.

"Uh well... with my new job and the housing being cheaper from the blip and-"

"Tony bought it." Happy commented bluntly cutting you off.

You sighed. "Yes. Tony bought and designed it for me. My job at SHIELD lets me be able to pay for it."

"You work at SHIELD?" peter asks glancing back at you.

"Yes. Head of the entire global security and protection program. Also, I'm a public advocate for the international super powered and mutated community." You say with a bit of pride.

"Wow that sounds like a very high position." Mae says.

"It can be, I suppose." You shrug your shoulders.

"You've certainly come a long way since you were young." Mae says a little sad.

"I think everyone who was left here during the blip has. It just depends on if they came a long way for the better or worse. That depends on the person." You state glancing at Happy. "Right, Happy?"

"Yeah. There's been a lot of people who dropped over the edge since that, but also a lot of people who've thrived since then. We've seen it all." Happy says skeptically looking at one of the vases you had on your counter. You walked over and took the vase from Happy's hands. "Why don't we all sit down before you break something." You says putting the vase back down where it was.

"Where did you get that? It's hideous." Happy says moving towards the sofa.

"It came with the house." You stated.

"Why'd you keep it?" Happy says scrunching up his nose.

"Don't worry about it." You say ushering him to the couch.

"I happen to like it. I think it's... unique." Mae says admiring it from afar as she sat next to Happy and Peter on one of the sofas. You and (f/n) sat across from them on the other. He gave them each glasses of water in case they got thirsty. You hadn't seen him even go into the kitchen to get them.

"Oh yeah... I mean... if you look at it that way then I guess it's pretty nice." Happy says backtracking and taking a pert sip of the water he was just given. Your eyes furrow as you look between Happy and Mae. You glance at Peter who also seems confused at the interaction.

"Okay...so Happy. What were you doing at the Parker residence?" you ask Happy with a smirk.

"Oh you know. Just checking in. See how Peter is doing." Happy says not so casually.

"I see." You say as your eyes look back at Peter. "So, Peter."

"Huh?" he asks a little startled by my turn of attention to him. The water in his cup sloshing at the sudden movement. "How are you doing?"

"Oh um... okay, I guess." He responds nodding. That was it. The entire highlight of the conversation between us for the rest of the time. The rest of the time he and you both remained quiet and only spoke when spoken too. You were hurt. He was hurt. You could tell. Not only because you know him, but because teenagers tend to have less of a poker face when they're upset. No matter how hard they try to hide it, it usually slips through that they are emotional in that moment. You have learned to control that side of you a lot better. You are no longer that emotional and even if you were, you've learned to hide it a lot better. Your face remains impassive, but you sit there thinking that perhaps he doesn't need impassive. He needs something to know that you are feeling much of the same feelings he is feeling. You just don't know what to say.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you two meet?" Mae asks setting her glass on the coffee table in front of us. Peter's attention becomes more alert at the question. It was obvious he was wondering the same thing. Just when did this happen?

"Oh no. I don't mind. I suppose that is one of the big elephant questions in the room." You say a little nervously.

"We met in physical therapy. We had the same Therapist and she brought all her patients together for group stretching once a week. It was something that was set up through a volunteer group for people with superpowers and mutations. I can't exactly remember the name, but it was group that helped with the devastation after the snap. They helped clean up and got people out of crisis and arranged for a lot of the people with powers who were injured to receive medical attention and physical therapy from medical professionals that had mutations of some sort as to not expose us or risk exploitation. Do you remember the volunteer organization's name?" (f/n) asked looking at me.

"It wasn't an organization. It was a school, I believe. Dr. Xavier ran the school. He's quite the man. I talk to him every now and again, but I haven't heard from him quite a while. He's part of the reason I got my foot in the door for advocating for those with superpowers or mutants as they call them." You state.

"Interesting. What were you going to physical therapy for?" Mae asked. "Or what I mean is, what happened?"

"Well I was on a train in New York with my sister and mother when people starting dusting away. I suppose the conductor was one of those people because our train never stopped and crashed full force into one of the buildings and derailed us from the tracks over a bridge, it sent us crashing into the streets. My mother died on impact, but I was able to protect my sister with my body. I can turn my body into different materials, so I was able to keep most of the things away from her and she just had a couple of broken bones, but I didn't move fast enough because I got a metal rod straight through the chest. It broke right near my sternum. I had no clue why or how I was still alive. I thought I was going to die in there for sure until some of the students from that school showed up." (f/n) unbuttoned his shirt half way to show the large star like shaped scar right in the center of his chest.

"That's awesome..." Happy muttered looking in awe at his scar before getting nudged in the shoulder by Mae. "I mean terrible. Truly terrible. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Yes, that's awful. I'm sorry that happened to you." Mae says sympathetically.

(f/n) chuckled and buttoned his shirt back up. "No, don't worry about it. These types of things make us stronger right? And I do agree with Happy. I think my scar is pretty awesome." He patted his chest proudly. You smiled in amusement and gave slight chuckle.

"...and you?" Peter's soft voice piped up after a moment. Everyone looked at him. He was looking at you. You weren't really sure what he was trying to ask you. He glanced at everyone before licking his lips and trying again to clarify. "Uh um. What I mean is what happened to you... as well? Why were you in, you know, physical therapy?"

"Oh. I was actually in Africa fighting in battle." You sated simply.

"You were a part of the Battle of Wakanda?" Peter asks sitting up straighter now.

You smiled a bit and let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah. It was like pulling teeth to convince Steve to let me, but yeah. I was. It was a savage alien that bit and clawed into my leg and that started the problems, but it was a female servant of Thanos that actually took my leg. Cut it clean off with swords she had."

"Oh my god. That's horrible." Mae exclaimed and Peter's eyes traveled to your foot once more. That's why your foot looked so off. It was a prosthetic. Peter thought it looked too real to be a prosthetic, but too fake to be real. You were able to walk so seamlessly though. Like you never lost your leg at all.

"Not as horrible as for her. When Natasha found out she was absolutely pissed. She and one of the Wakanda guards kicked her ass." You laughed outwardly. Peter saw the old you come out all of a sudden and all at once. He smiled brightly. "And then what happened?" he asked.

"They sent her ass through her own giant alien sawblade that they tried to kill us with!" You were full blown laughing now. The memory had you almost in tears because of how convenient and karmic the whole thing was. If you remembered correctly you remember yourself laughing in that moment as well. Despite nearly being dead in a ditch and bleeding out uncontrollably, you were still verbally shouting out cheers of praise to Nat as she fought and when she came to quickly bandage you up to stop the bleeding. You remembered Nat replying to you "Shut up, kid or I'll leave you here instead. All that shouting is going to make you pass out anyway." Funny enough she wasn't too far off the target because it wasn't long after she told you that did you fall unconscious from blood loss and woke up with a sweet new robotic vibranium prosthetic leg in Wakanda's medical ward.

"So, if she cut your leg off what happened next." Peter asked now interested in the story.

"Nat bandaged me up, I passed out, and I woke up with a sweet new robotic leg in Wakanda's medical ward. After I was healed enough I was transferred to Xavier's school where I sharpened my powers and did physical therapy along with the others. Once I was healed, Tony came back from outer space. Once he was recovered he told us everything and eventually upgraded my leg. Now it looks almost like I never lost a leg. Well, sort of. It still looks a bit off and it glitches every now and again, but I'm not complaining. I can still walk so." You shrugged now crossing your leg over the other and folding your arms over your chest.

"Wow. That's really cool." Peter said breathlessly. He seemed to admire you so much more. You knew you were now Tony Stark, but it was nice to have those admiring eyes directed towards you for once. The type of eyes that didn't hold romantic feelings, but still held the belief that everything you did was cool and amazing.

"Thank you, Peter." You smiled.

"So when are you two getting married?" Happy asks randomly and taking a gulp of water.

*smash*

The glass in Peter's hand immediately smashes in his palm. Everyone makes a noise in surprise at the sudden sound and turn to Peter. "Oh! Uh... I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I'll... I'll clean it up." Peter says getting down on the floor to clean it up.

"Peter, your hand." You gasp setting your cup down. His hand started bleeding from all the glass shards that decided to embed themselves into his skin.

"Oh um..." Peter's face flushed a bright red. He couldn't help but feel intense embarrassment about the situation.

"Don't worry about the glass. I got it. You go with (y/n) and get your hand all patched up, okay?" (f/n) says already standing to go and get the broom.

"Yeah, come on, Peter. I have a first aid kit in the kitchen." You say standing up and helping him to his feet. You held his arm as he kept his hand underneath his injured one, hoping to catch the blood so it wouldn't get onto your carpet. You walked him to the kitchen. "Just put your hand over the sink and I'll be there in a moment."

"Okay." Peter says doing what you asked as you began to rummage around the medicine cabinet. Peter began to run his hand under a bit of water as you came back with the first aid kit. You first got some tweezers and a dish towel and dragged 2 chairs over so we could sit. You first sat down and put the dish towel across your lap. Peter then sat down and you gently grabbed his hand and set it in your lap while looking closely at it. "Nothing bad it looks like. Obviously nothing the Amazing Spiderman can't handle." You joke looking at him with a smile and he smiles back with an awkward laugh.

A silence falls over you both as you begin to focus on plucking the tiny shards from his hand. You didn't notice how the air got thicker and you certainly didn't notice how things got increasingly more difficult for Peter to stomach. He stared at you the entire time and the longer he did the more his heart broke. You didn't notice how his straight face slowly broke until you saw a few tear drops fall onto the surface of the hand you were working on and you heard a choked back sob. You looked up and saw his face as he turned away. You set the towel with glass pieces aside and held his hand. You knew he wasn't crying because of his hand or if there was a possibility you hurt him. He was much tougher than that. You also knew you couldn't physically hurt him even if you wanted to. His powers made it easier for him to handle a lot more than a regular human. No, his pain was internal. His kind soft heart was bursting with pain. "Peter..." you said softly with a frown.

"I... I miss you." He said finally with his head down and his chest heaved. "I miss you so much."

This is where your heart broke and you couldn't even keep your composure anymore. You hugged Peter and you hugged him tight. You hugged him like how you wanted to hug him the day you found out that he was one of the victims of the Snap. You hugged him like he would dust away again. You hugged him like he would leave you again, but this time not come back. And you cried. Oh, you cried like you should have when you first saw him again. You cried as you were finally getting the closure you wanted. It was five years, but you had him in your arms again and you couldn't be more grateful. "I miss you, too."

"First I lost Mr. Stark and now you..." he began crying harder now. He drops to his knees on the floor and his face goes to your lap.

"That's not true. I'm right here." I told him holding him tighter.

"But you're not mine anymore. You're his... and it only seems like just a few months ago you were at my house and we were playing video games and listening to music." Peter said getting his voice more.

"But it wasn't a few months ago. It's been years, Peter." You tell him stroking his hair.

"I know... but... it's just not fair!" he says gripping the fabric of your dress around your thighs tight in his balled fists.

"I know, I know it's not fair." You tell him as more tears fell from your eyes.

"If... if he wasn't there... If you weren't getting married, would you wait for me?" he asked quietly. You pressed your lips together. This was a very heavy question. It wouldn't change the outcome of how things were now no matter how you answered, but it could change the way Peter thought about things and how your relationship would be from here on out. You had to answer carefully. Either he could be angry with you and refuse to have contact with you, or he could have a false sense of hope and closure all depending on how you answered his question. You just hated to see him so upset and you wanted to give in, but you also could not lie to him either. If you ever loved him then you would not lie to him, even now.

"No, Peter." I told him gently petting his hair. His body tensed at the words. "Look at me."

He didn't move, so you shifted your body away slightly and lifted his chin up, so he would look at you. "Peter, I want you to listen to me. I want you to really hear what I am trying to tell you."

He looks at you with his tear stained face, but he does what you ask. "What happened to us is cruel and unfair, but it did happen. This whole situation is hard to swallow and seeing you like this kills me. Seeing your face for the first time when you came back and realizing you didn't grow up with me was one of the hardest things I had to come to terms with because I immediately realized that we couldn't work. I think it was even harder for me when I realized that when you came back, you had no idea what had happened and you thought we were still together like always. I found it difficult when I saw the reality hit you when you looked at me for the first time at Tony's funeral. I still care deeply for you, but you are still a child, Peter. You blipped. I didn't. I mourned and moved on. I know that when you become in your twenties it won't really be a big deal anymore with the age gap, but that's nearly 10 years of my life waiting for you. That's 10 years of my life halted and stagnant. That's also nearly 5 years of your life wasted waiting on me when you also need to move on. I'm sorry, but it won't be healthy if you wait for me."

He doesn't say anything for a long while. He just sets his head back down in your lap as he thinks over what you just told him. I don't mind, however. You said what you had to. You couldn't lie to him. It wasn't the adult or right thing to do. You had to just rip the band aid off. It seemed we sat there for a while. I knew the others were giving us our privacy. We all knew this dinner was really just to break the news to Peter that our relationship wouldn't work and hoping we could still be okay afterwards.

"Do you love him?" he asked quietly, his voice breaking a bit.

"Yes." You answered back.

"Did you love me?"

"Yes."

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes."

"But... not the same way..." he sighed.

"...No... not in the same way." You tell him gently.

"I... I suppose that's okay." He muttered, even if he didn't like his own answer.

"Thank you, Peter." You say with a smile looking down at him.

"For what?" he asks looking up at you.

"For understanding, for not being angry, for being a good person, for doing the right thing for yourself and I, ... and for just giving me some of the best moments of my life being with you." You tell him happily.

"O-oh. No problem." He says now getting back up off the floor and going to his feet.

You follow suit. His face was still tear stained, but he didn't have complete dread in his eyes anymore.

"It's going to take a while for me to get over you." He says looking at the ground.

"I know it will because it took me awhile. (f/n) was very patient with me." You tell him before thought came into her head. "Peter, I know this is too soon, but may I point you in a direction of people to consider giving a chance?"

"Um... okay?" He didn't seem too comfortable, but he was open to hear what she suggested.

"You know Michelle Jones that was in our class, right? I believe she just went by MJ."

"MJ?" Peter thought taking it into consideration.

[allsystemsarenotgo]

I normally save these kinds of posts for a much smaller cluster of peers that I trust, or on an alternate profile where I can keep my public and private images separate.

I'm choosing to blur that line with this post because I am reaching out to the very people on my life that will see this and take the time to read it.

I had a complete and thorough meltdown the other day. I haven't had one in a great while.

I was out on the edge, feeling like I didn't have control of myself, so close to simply giving up.

I finally cried myself to sleep at 5AM clutching a pillow in loneliness and abandonment as I do on a nightly basis, only to be back awake at 7AM as my alarms went off.

I spent the morning in deep thought and self revelation. Thinking about my past, the people in my orbit, who I actually care about and who cares about me.

In that time of weakness, one friend stepped forward to talk to me, to bring me away from the edge and show me that they cared.

I know that I've never been the most perfect person and that I've wronged some folks. I also feel like alot of people have false images and presumptions. And I know alot of people don't know that I have changed over time.

I know that is a cliché statement used and abused by alot of people through the years.

But I'm really trying to be a better person. I can't fix or make up for my fuckups early in life, but I can change how I interact with people.

I was talking to a friend tonight about some feelings stuff, and this scene came up on the show 'Mom' (S07 E08 - Hot Butter and Toxic Narcissism).

It goes along with the first card - Comprehension is the real key to communication, and comprehension is gained by actually sitting and listening to the other person.

That tends to be an exercise in futility in my world - as much as I want to shut up and listen to somebody else, I have a horrible habit of listening to respond, not listening to comprehend. On the same token, I have lost alot of people's respect, to the point that they no longer take the time to listen to me.

Some (most....all) of my best and closest friends have walked out of my life because they could not put up with my poor communication skills. I allowed the pain to continually happen, doing the same thing over and over, hoping that maybe one day, somebody would understand.

That person has only existed once.

The one person that I thought did understand, tried to take me to a bar...knowing that I don't like alcohol and can't breathe in smoke. I went just to say I did after much attempted refusal...but that is the only best friend that I have ever pushed away intentionally.

I've been single for 8 years. I wrote relationships off for a long time to focus on making heads and rails of my little world. Recently, I've tried to put myself out there and am zero for three first dates, and several that I didn't even make it that far. It doesn't matter how much I "match" or have in common with another person - when I make an ass of myself and don't even mean it, the massive bloody hole in my foot tends to hurt.

I also know that I have, at times, exhibited jealousy or envy. I am trying to be better about that. I'd love to say that it comes with the territory, but that is only a pathetic excuse ...

Change is really difficult for me. I can't just reach over, flip a stack of switches, and become a whole new person. Unfortunately, I am not a robot and (thankfully?) I am not bipolar or split personality.

I'm just a guy with no social life and no communication skills.

But I want to try. I'm tired of being this introverted, selfish, mute person that I have been.

I want to have friends instead of acquaintances.

I want to be invited to places and events

I want to not be shunned or avoided when I try to join a social group.

I want others to take the time to actually talk to me and let me explain things before presumptions and rumors go flying around.

I want to be able to carry on a normal coherent conversation in person...even if I know that will take a little more work...

*I just want to be normal.*

I just wish it was as easily done as it is said.

I know that some people don't believe this whole "High Functioning Autism" thing. These same people have never asked me to explain it, never let me share my life story.

My school didn't have diagnosticians. We were lucky to have a registered nurse. Sometimes I question if the counselor was actually licensed in something other than college and career planning.

I've gone through four counselors and psychologists. I spent my senior year of high school and first 3 years of college in and out of the counselors office. I've been on and off medications.

Nothing has ever worked for me. When I learned about HFA, it explained alot. I got a facility to accept consulting with me about it even though I was outside their typical range of patient. I spent 30 minutes with the doctor there, and they agreed with full confidence.

That's why medicines have never worked for me. There isn't a "fix* for this.

All I can do is try to break outside of my comfort zone and try to change myself forcibly.

But that starts with the people in my orbit, my real friends, the people who genuinly care about me to motivate me and help me improve myself.

The people who have actually read this to the end.

Thank You.

Previous Entry, Part 2: https://allsystemsarenotgo.tumblr.com/post/615994879114362880

Previous Entry, Part 1:

https://allsystemsarenotgo.tumblr.com/post/615982884577263616

[leelee10898]

Born to Love you: Spell bound (1/?)

Leo & Alicia, what really happened....

This is from the CGW(Cordonians gone wild)universe. A collaborative effort by @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @cocomaxley @riseandshinelittleblossom and myself.

If you have not yet read the original when Leo met Alicia, you should do so. References will be made from that, and events will coincide with it. You can do so HERE

Santorini

Leo opened his eyes and looked around the unfamiliar room. The sound of ringing coming from across the room. He jumped up digging through his pants. “Hello? Liam is that you?”

“Yes its me, where the hell are you?”

“I'm not really sure at the moment?” He held the phone between his face and shoulder,  tugging his jeans on.

“What do you mean you don't know where you are? I thought you were in Santorini.” Liam sighed, Leo could picture him pinching the bridge of his nose, which made him chuckle at the thought.  “I am, I just don't know exactly where or who's house i'm at, right now.”

“Jesus Leo. Look, i'll be there April 9th to come get you. That gives you a month to get your shit on order.” Leo looked at the phone confused. “for what? Ooooh, the wedding,  right. How long you need me for again?”

“yes the wedding. Your the best man Leo. Look if you don't want to do it, I can always ask-”

“NO! I told you, I want to do it Liam. I'll be ready.” Leo heard shuffling outside the door. “Hey, I gotta go Li, I'll talk to you later. And i'll be ready for the wedding, don't worry.” Leo hung up the phone, he slipped his shoes on and pulled his shirt over his head.

“oooo a wedding, I love weddings. I could be your date.” The woman spoke as she walked in the room. “yeah, you're not going.” Leo snorted as he grabbed his leather jacket. “Where are you going?” she asked. “This had been great and all monica, but it's time for me to move on.”

“But my names Beth.”

“Monica, beth, susan… all the same.” He shrugged and walked out of the room, Beth following him out. “But I thought we had something special, that maybe we would end up together.” Leo spun around, one hand on the door knob “Look. Beth. Its Beth right? I don't do relationships. Never have never will.”

“But what if the right girl came along, what if i'm her and you just walked out on true love.” she pouted.

“I have been around, trust me if she's out there, I haven't met her yet.”  He opened the door and left.

Bronx, New York

“Hey Nitah, How's the wedding planning coming along?” Alicia walked down the dimly lit street, she had just closed up the bakery for the night and was headed home with dinner and desert for Mark.

“It’s going! It’s so hectic! I can’t wait for you to get here!”

"I know, I can't wait either. I need a vacation, like stat! Seriously like now would be great."

“I need a vacation too, from all of this planning. Do you have any idea what goes into a royal wedding?” Anitah dropped her voice to a whisper, “some of this shit is so ridiculous.”

"No, but I will find out whenever I get there." She giggled.

“Speaking of when you get here, I’m going to be coming to get you on the 7th.”

"The 7th? The wedding isn't until June, so i'll be staying for 2 months?"

“Please! I need you here,” Anitah whined.

"Um Fuck YES! Absolutely! I will be there. I will need to take care of some stuff for the bakery but, it's not a problem. Oooh I can't wait." Alicia couldnt help but grin.

“I’m so excited!” Anitah squealed. “I already told Liam you were coming. He’s very thankful,” she laughed. “Um...are you bringing the dick head with you?”

"I will have to ask,  you know he doesn't want me to go without him. But, I could use a vacation from him too.”

“Well I purposely sent your invite without a plus 1 option,” Anitah snorted.

"You're such a dick. Hey, I just got to Marks apartment, im gonna get off here. But Anitah, Thank you. Love you. "

“Love you too!”

Alicia ended the call, pulling out her key to marks apartment she walked inside and flicked on the lights. “What the fuck?” she screamed dropping the bags on the floor.

“Alicia, shit. This isn't what it looks like.” mark put a throw pillow over himself.

“Then what the fuck is it Mark? Because it looks alot like you fucking someone else. And fucking Tessa? Seriously dude, you're supposed to upgrade,  not fuck clown school rejects.”

“Hey! You can't talk to me like that.” Tessa yelled.

“Shut the fuck up Tessa before I punch the dicks off your brows.”

“Alicia. I'm sorry I don't know how this happened. I thought you weren't getting off until 10.”

“Yeah well got off early. I brought you dinner.” she opened the container of ziti and tossed it all over tessa.

“What the fuck Alicia. You're crazy.” Mark screamed.

“Oh you haven't seen crazy. Here enjoy desert.” She smashed the whole cake in his face. She cocked her arm back and extended it. Fist connecting with his face.

“Fuck, I think you broke my nose.” Mark held his face.

“oh. And you have a little dick. Enjoy it tessa. Were through.” She slammed the door and took off for home.

Cordonia....

Liam walked in from the veranda as Anitah ended her call. “So Leos in.”

“Alicia too.” Liam sat down giving her a kiss.

“you think they'll get along?” Anitah asked as she leaned into him. “well, Leo's a sexed crazed playboy, who cant stay put in one place for long.  Is Alicia anything like that?” Liam chuckled.

“Definitely not. She's been with her current thing for about 2 years now.” Anitah putting extra emphasis on the word thing. Liam chuckled. “it'll be fine love, don't worry.”

One month later…

“Seriously Alicia, you've been sleeping for days, let's get a move on.” Anitah sighed sitting on the bed. “i'm done in the shower, just let me grab my bra and shit.” Alicia yelled as she ran out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Anita's phone rang, facetime from Liam.

“Hey you. I thought you had meetings today?”

“we wrapped it up early. Im at Leo's hotel room, or dump, which every you want to call it.” Liam scrunched his face. “Haha.” Leo shouted from the background.  

“So what I was calling you for, was to let you know I'm coming home today. Well, that is if Leo ever gets his shit together.”

“Really? Yay! I'm so excited. Don't get me started about not being ready.  Were supposed to go shopping if ALICIA STOPS RUNNING AROUND IN A TOWEL.” she turned behind her yelling. “im working on it, shit.” Alicia called out.

“Who's running around in a towel?” Leo rushed to Liams side.

“Anita's friend is getting ready, they are going shopping. Will you get away.” Liam slapped Leos hands “Just, let me see,  I want to say Hi.”

Leo wrestled with Liam trying to get the phone,  he put him in a headlock, grabbing the phone and running to the other side of the room. “Heeey, there's my favorite soon to be sister.” Leo said out of breath.

“Ah hey Leo, um is everything ok? Where's Liam?”

“Oh yeah everything's great. Liam's um, over there. So your friend-” Liam darted across the room tackling Leo to the ground.  

“Liam!” Anitah shouted

“I'm trying here.” He called out as they scrambled for the phone.

“What the fuck is going on?” Alicia pulled a pair of jeans on looking at Anitah.

“oh, Liam and his brother are fighting over the phone. That's all.”

Liam grabs the phone.  “Sorry, i'm pretty much dealing with a horny teenager.” Liam chuckled as Leo snatches the phone. “So as I was saying before.” Alicia stood next to Anitah. They couldn't see her face, just her front half.

“Ooh they sound like fun,  Hi Liam's brother.”

Leo stood there stunned

“Shirt. Shirt!” Anitah hollered.

“Oh fuck.” Alicia ran off grabbing her shirt, pulling it on.

Finally Liam tackled Leo to the ground, knocking the phone out of his hand and through the open window.

“You broke my phone Leo.” Liam snapped.

“No, you broke your phone when you tackled me. That's on you.” liam rolled his eyes.

“So, you've seen this friend? What's she look like, she had nice tits.” Leo smirked as he continued putting clothes in the suitcase.

Liam pinched the bridge of his nose. “For fucks sakes Leo, NO. You're forbidden.”

Bastien entered the room, sir Anitah is on the phone. Liam gave Leo a pointed look, leo stood there and smirked. “Hello?”

********

A couple hours later Leo kicked his feet up on the coffee table in Liam and Anita's quarters. “So, what's on the agenda for the lead up to the engagement? Since you guys aren't doing a tour that is?”

“well a few dinners, balls, galas, charity events.  A garden party or two.” Liam folded his hands on his lap, an amused grin in his face as he watched his brothers face fall. “ugh Liam, this is the shit I ran away from, can we do something fun?” Leo groaned.

“Well, Anitah is planning a bachelorette party, we may be able to fit a few trips in before the wedding.”

“Alright, now we're talking.” Leo perked up rubbing his hands together. Bastien entered the room “Sir, we got a call. Anitah is at the bar, the guard assigned to ger can't get her to leave.” Leo snorted,  Liam gave him a pointed look.

They walked into the bar immediately finding Anitah. Leo noticing the woman sitting with her.  It was like time slowed, he felt immediately drawn to her. “Who's that sitting with Anitah?”

“Thats Alicia her bestfriend…” thats all Leo heard, he blocked Liam out almost instantly as they walked over to where the women were.

Alicia turned, her eyes locking with the brightest set of blues she had ever seen. She mumbled some stupidity she instantly regretted. God, He was sexy. His lips, his eyes, that cocky grin that sent a tingle through her body. There was something about him, a feeling she couldn't shake. Nothing bad, all good.

Leos breath caught in his throat,  she was beautiful from a distance but up close, she was breathtaking. The way her long brown hair flowed over her shoulder, those deep chocolate eyes that he could see himself getting lost in. Her full lips and that Gorgeous smile that met her eyes. She said he was hot, god he wanted to tell her she was hot to but the sight of her rendered her momentarily speechless,  a feat no woman had ever accomplished.

He took her hand placing a soft kiss on it. Both of them feeling a jolt pass through them as their eyes locked.

“I'm Leo.”

“I'm Alicia. Nice to meet you, Leo.” ........

I was a wild child between lost and found. Then you spoke my name, it was a sweet sound. - Lanco

Tag: @annekebbphotography @carabeth @moneyfordiamonds @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @3pawandme @indiacater @ooo-barff-ooo @ownworldresident @tornbetween2loves @perfectprofessorherokid @stopforamoment @editboutique @wannabemc2 @zaffrenotes @enmchoices @lauradowning29 @lodberg @smalltalk88 @gibbles82 @heatherfilliez @drakesensworld @nikkis1983 @sweetest-marbear @classylady1234 @daniv2278 @jlouise88 @jared72612 @liamxs-world @notoriouscs @blubutterflyy @captain-kingliamsqueen @whenyourheartskipsabeat @lynne1993 @coldcollectornight08 @be-still-my-aching-heart @dcbbw

@explorer-of-gems @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @hopefulmoonobject

[cklatoza]

"THE ART AND BEAUTY OF SOCIAL ANXIETY"

In our class, there was a transfered student that goes by the name of Jenny, she's the type of a person that doesn't talk to people whom she doesn't know that's why most of the time she's left isolated in a corner minding her own business. I, on the other hand, want to practice socializing with other people for a simple reason that I don't want to be forgotten by masses, rather I would let them know my existence and if I pass on they would somehow remember the name Enrique T. Del Rosario in any way, shape, or form. The result of that, some highs and lows, but I could tell to myself that I'm making tons of progress, and this one would be another open opportunity for me to communicate with people whom I haven't talked with at all.

And so I did frequently approach Jenny through serious discussions that are schoolwork related of course, and I also tried to score some bonus points taking about anything that interests her, some small talks here and there and she would politely answer it.

After months of socializing with this new friend of mine, there goes an unexpected news about Jenny and her family, and that they're leaving Palawan to move in Manila for private and personal reasons that even I don't want to actually get myself involved with for I don't want to ruin the effort of trying to socialize with her in such a significant period of time.

A sleuth of anxiety and sadness starts to kick in that would almost results to me having a series PTSD, like the food poisoning incident that my favorite cousin had that led to his unexpected death when I was ten years old. Remembering all of those events happening brings back the old me not talking and giving a care to people around me for almost a school year back in fourth grade, it was a tragedy that might've scarred my presence that I don't want to relive those times because I have drastically change my personality: humble, smart, polite, and affable.

What my mother always tell me when I'm feeling down is breathe in and out, know what makes me feel sad in a very particular day, think of a possible solution, and of course pray to Lord God for he knows what's going on in our life especially mine. And so I waste no time, I tried looking for a solution, something that would make the last day of Jenny here in Palawan memorable between us. And then I finally found it, it's the last days of February and March is about to blossom, same as the upcoming festivals that's about to happen in the first or second week of March: Puerto Princesa City Foundation Day and Balayong Festival. I quickly chat her and told her that she would come with me and celebrate the founding anniversary of our city and also celebrate the the blooming of Palawan Cherry that is similar to Japanese Cherry Blossom Tree. It took her a while to give a reply and it reads: "Sure, I'll go with you." I'm not really sure why but the moment she answered that, my heart skipped a beat. "So this is how it feels to gradually invite someone on a festival," I said.

The day arrived and we went to the city of Puerto Princesa where the starting parade is already happening. The view was mesmerizing, colors of bright, mild, dark, especially the color pink for the theme of Balayong Festival were gushing out and a lot of performers, young and old, were happily participating in the parade to the point that event alone would satisfy our needs to see the Festival. We did continue that day and saw many events ranging from sports competitions, parades, street dances, beauty pageants, and quiz bees. I was sweating in full nervousness that makes me think that she doesn't enjoy the invitation that I have for her. Thankfully, she was smiling and enjoying it when I turn to her.

The day ended and it was time for the both of us to go home because the time is already that late for us to even be together enjoying the festival, we did have some small talks while inside of a multicab on our way home. She said she enjoys it and this makes her last days here in Palawan memorable for she got a friend that she can talk with and even invited her out for a memorable festival viewing experience. Before she leave the cab that pulled over to her destination, she requested me to hand over my phone, close my ears, and turn away, for she wanted to do something in my phone. When she was done, she quickly hands it over to me, and says her most genuine 'Goodbye'... possibly. When I finally went home and settled down for the day, I looked through my phone and found out that she recorded a voice message saying that she wants to thank me for this very special day and also reminded me that one day, we will hopefully meet again. She added that she put her contact number on my phone in case someone wants to have a little conversation, either me or her. I can tell by the look and feeling being written down on my face that this was truly a heartfelt experience of my life.

[acsversace-news]

Tony Magaldi corrects the record about one Gianni Versace anecdote that has persisted all these years: The designer did not eat breakfast at News Café the morning of his death on July 15, 1997. “His routine was to visit our newsstand in the morning and buy out-of-town papers; once in a while he had coffee with us,” explains Magaldi, managing partner of the iconic 24-hour café on Miami’s South Beach. “But he rarely ate here; he had his own chef at home.”

News Café will be one of the locations seen when American Crime Story:The Assassination of Gianni Versace premieres Jan. 17 on FX, but the script doesn’t put the designer there on that fateful day. “I thought they might re-enact when he came in that last day, but it was another scene,” says Magaldi, who recalls standing on the café’s front steps on that July 1997 morning. “I remember how hot it was – July in Miami, you know? He came in, bought his papers and left. Not long after, a cop came by on his bicycle and asked if Versace had been here, and I said yeah, I had just seen him. And then he sped off. It’s one of those days you don’t forget.”

Memories of Gianni Versace have not faded in South Beach over the two decades since Andrew Cunanan shot and killed the designer, who was just 50 years old, on the steps of Casa Casuarina. Versace had purchased the South Beach mansion for $2.95 million in 1992 and lovingly converted it into not only his personal residence but also one of the world’s most celebrated examples of Italian Baroque splendor (it's now a luxury hotel). Versace’s big-picture vision in this endeavor shouldn’t be underestimated: In 1992 South Beach still felt undeniably dingy and largely underdeveloped, dotted with faded Art Deco buildings occupied by senior citizens, many of whom spent their mornings (before the sun rose to sizzling temperatures) in lawn chairs on the porches of these forgotten hotels; locals had dubbed it “God’s waiting room.” But with News Café as a buzzy spot at Eighth Street and Ocean Drive, Casa Casuarina situated between 11th and 12th streets, and now-legendary hotels like the Clevelander, the Carlyle (used as a location for 1996’s The Birdcage and now a condo building) and the Tides (where portions of 1999’s Random Hearts were filmed) nearby, not to mention considerable help from the fashion and modeling industries, the oceanfront avenue evolved within less than a decade into one of the world’s most glamorous vacation spots.

These days you will find plenty of onlookers at the gates of Casa Casuarina; the numbers have not diminished after all these years. “We have literally thousands of people taking photos in front of the house each week — it’s actually the third most-photographed home in the U.S., after Graceland and the White House,” maintains Chauncey Copeland, general manager of the property, now the Villa Casa Casuarina, a boutique hotel, restaurant and event space owned by Victor Hotels Management since 2013.

American Crime Story execs contacted both Magaldi and Victor Hotels Management early in 2017 when they were getting set to film this latest installment of the Ryan Murphy-produced anthology. A miniseries highlighting the devastation and after-effects of Hurricane Katrina had been planned, but as the 20th anniversary of Versace’s murder approached, this story — broken into 10 episodes and based on Maureen Orth’s 1999 book, Vulgar Favors: Andrew Cunanan, Gianni Versace and the Largest Failed Manhunt in U.S. History — was pushed to the front of the line. The News Café scene was filmed in just one day in May 2017. “They needed a couple of days prior to that, because just the month before we actually had closed down the newsstand; everyone is always on their phones these days, so we didn’t really need it anymore,” Magaldi says. “But they did a great job bringing everything back to what it looked like at that time.”

The production took over Casa Casuarina, meanwhile, for the entire month, Copeland says. “At one point I know they were going back and forth about how they could re-create things as best they could on a Hollywood lot,” he notes. “But then they realized how little we had changed the environments, and they got very excited about filming on site. They didn’t have to do very much to it: They switched out some courtyard furniture for something more of that era, added some vintage chaise lounges by the pool, repainted the gate the color Versace originally had it, and removed some exit signs that are required because we’re a hotel. That’s really it.”

Indeed, it would have been costly to reproduce Versace’s vision on a soundstage. After he purchased the property, the designer reportedly spent $33 million on restoring and enhancing the original 1930 building, which had been conceptualized by Alden Freeman, an architect and heir to the Standard Oil fortune. Casa Casuarina, which takes its name from the species of tree Freeman regretfully razed while constructing his home, had changed hands and fallen into disrepair over the years; it was a dilapidated apartment building with 24 units when Versace discovered it during a South Beach vacation (among the elements that charmed him was a 1928 statue known as Kneeling Aphrodite, installed long ago by Freeman and currently positioned at the front entrance). Versace combined the building’s 24 units into an Italianate villa with 10 bedroom suites; after purchasing and tearing down the property next door, he added both a new wing and a garden with a 54-foot, mosaic-lined pool.

Those 10 bedroom suites remain largely unchanged, Copeland says. Donatella Versace removed furniture, artwork and other personal items, putting most of it on the auction block at Sotheby’s in 2001 after selling Casa Casuarina in 2000 to telecom millionaire Peter Loftin, who tried to make a go of the property as a private club. The current owners painstakingly examined books and old magazine layouts in an effort to reproduce Gianni Versace’s original interiors. “We combed through old photos and available film stock and also spoke with people who had worked with him on the design,” Copeland says. “There were several pieces we had to re-create, but we wanted to be faithful to his original vision.”(It should be noted that Donatella Versace has disavowed the miniseries; on Monday the Italian label released a statement affirming that no one connected with Versace authorized Orth’s book or the resulting screenplay, and that the miniseries should be considered “a work of fiction.”)

During high season — October through April — booking one of the suites can be tough, especially if you want to stay in the connected two-bedroom Villa and Empire suites; Versace slept in the former, which is adjacent to the latter via a lavish vestibule. The decor is as opulent as you might expect, with details ranging from frescoes to double-king beds that stretch 12 feet across. Rates for any of the 10 suites range from $899 to $1,599 per night during the slower summer months on up to $1,399 to $2,999 during high-occupancy periods. Hotel guests also are able to swim in the ultra-glamorous pool, but only until 4 p.m. Tuesday through Sunday. “That’s when we start to set up the restaurant, with tables on the pool deck,” Copeland explains. “On Monday, when the restaurant is closed, you can swim all day.”

Rechristened Gianni’s in 2016, the restaurant features a menu that showcases Mediterranean seafood and is helmed by executive chef Thomas Stewart, who cooked dinner for the James Beard Foundation at Casa Casuarina soon after taking over the kitchen. In addition to the dining room, tables spill over onto a raised terrace and the aforementioned pool deck (during high season, tables also are positioned in the galleries leading to various dining areas). And regardless of season, don’t expect to walk in without a reservation; the privacy of the property remains strictly guarded. “Anyone with a reservation is of course welcome to enter,” Copeland says. “We’re very protective of the space, but that’s also for the enjoyment of our guests.”

Ultimately, with the premiere of the miniseries a week away, has Casa Casuarina been feeling any effects from, say, the release of various trailers, which make it clear that Versace’s beloved South Beach residence was used to its full advantage? “We’ve been on a steady rise in interest the past few years, so it’s really hard to say,” Copeland says. “A lot of people, however, still don’t know that they can stay here and eat here; I have no doubt that interest will increase within the next few months.”

Twenty years later, Magaldi is happy that News Café patrons still seek out the site because of its connection to the most famous neighbor he’ll ever know — not because it’s good for business, though that idea is undeniable, but very simply because he genuinely liked Gianni Versace. “He was very gentle, quiet, unassuming,” Magaldi says. “Everything I saw about the [miniseries] production was that they were trying to be respectful to his memory. That was important to anyone who was here when it happened. That made me feel good about doing it.”

Copeland agrees. “If they bring to film what we saw them doing, I think it’s going to be a very high-quality production,” he says. “From our point of view, what Gianni Versace brought to South Beach was nothing less than heroic. He established himself right here in the middle of things when it was still very edgy and unknown. What happened was a tragedy. But we’ll always feel it’s important to celebrate the man.”