#some are perceived as mid and some are hot

[swizzlemynizzle]

Underneath the Noise - George Clarke

Chapter 2: Somewhere Between Gin and Chaos

———————————————————————————

If someone had told Y/N she’d be walking through central London in a pink tracksuit that read Hot Bitch Ready To Party, she would’ve laughed them out of the room.

But here she is—hood up, sunglasses on, bottle of gin in one hand, half a Greggs sausage roll in the other—walking with her two teammates like they’re a band on tour. A chaotic, mildly tipsy band with no musical ability and a terrible sense of direction.

They’re only two pubs in, but Y/N already feels the city spinning in a strange, hyperreal way. Not drunk—yet—but loosened. Her anxiety still hums beneath everything like background static, but it’s muffled by the ridiculousness of it all.

“We should be vlogging this entire thing,” ArthurTV says, spinning the camera toward Bach, who’s trying—and failing—to convince a stranger to swap shoes with him. “This is quality content.”

“Mate, please. I’ve got plantar fasciitis,” the stranger protests, eyeing Bach’s bright pink trainers like they might give him a disease.

“Respect,” Bach says, backing off. “I wouldn’t either.”

Y/N leans against a lamppost, laughing, trying to steady the giddy lurch in her chest. There’s something freeing about being this visible. Normally, she hates standing out. She prefers to blend, observe from the edges. But today, dressed like a walking punchline and surrounded by people who don’t seem to care about how they’re perceived, it almost feels... safe.

“Okay, team,” Arthur says, scrolling through the bingo list. “Outfit challenge—check. Two pubs down—check. Failed the shoe swap. Should we try the wild animal next?”

Bach’s eyes light up. “Let’s find a squirrel.”

“Do squirrels count as wild animals?” Y/N asks, eyebrows raised.

“If it can bite me and give me rabies, it counts,” Bach insists.

“By that logic, George counts too,” she mutters before she can stop herself.

Arthur snorts into his drink. “Oh damn.”

Y/N groans. “Ignore me. That was... nothing.”

But the moment hangs in the air for a second too long.

It was nothing. And yet—it wasn’t. She keeps replaying the way George leaned in, the way his voice dipped when he called her shirt “very accurate.” It was harmless teasing. Probably something he does with everyone. Still, it lingers.

She doesn’t have time for that kind of distraction. Not now. Not when she’s still trying to prove she belongs here.

“Alright,” Arthur says, saving her from herself, “we’ll circle back to the animal. Let’s hit pub three.”

They keep walking. More pink. More laughter. A random tourist stops them to ask for a photo, clearly thinking they’re some kind of performance art. Bach poses like a runway model.

By the time they reach the third pub, Y/N’s legs are starting to ache, and her drink has settled into a warm buzz just beneath her skin. Inside, the pub is dim and a bit crowded, the kind of place that smells like sticky floors and good stories.

They order pints, squeeze into a booth, and spend the next ten minutes trying to convince a guy at the next table to do a shot with them.

Eventually, Bach pulls out a fiver and slaps it on the table. “That’s my final offer.”

The guy considers it for a beat, then shrugs. “Alright.”

The whole pub cheers when they clink glasses. Y/N throws her head back and laughs, cheeks flushed with the kind of joy that comes from being in the moment and nowhere else.

She feels her phone buzz in her pocket.

Chris

> Pub 4. Team Sad Lads are ahead. Hope you like losing.

Y/N shows the message to Arthur and Bach.

“We need to pick it up,” she says, draining the rest of her pint.

They step back onto the street, and almost like the universe is laughing at her, they immediately run into the other team—Chris, Arthur Hill, and George—lounging outside a pub bench, mid-pint and mid-laugh.

“Ahhh, the Barbie Brigade returns,” Chris calls out.

“Did you guys even try to change clothes, or did you just raid your granddad’s closet?” ArthurTV asks, nodding at George’s tweed jacket and matching flat cap.

“We’re going for sophisticated chaos,” George says. “It’s high fashion. You wouldn’t understand.”

Y/N tries not to stare, but George does actually look unfairly good. The tweed makes him look like a countryside villain in a murder mystery. Smug. Relaxed. Teasing.

“You look like you own five boats and cheat on your taxes,” she deadpans.

He grins at her, slow and wide. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Before she can think of a response, Chris claps his hands. “Alright, let’s do a mini challenge. First team to convince someone to let them jump in a fountain wins a bonus point.”

Everyone groans. It’s still early spring. The idea of swimming in London water is... vile.

But Bach’s already scanning the area like he’s dead serious.

“No way,” Y/N says, shaking her head. “There’s not enough gin in the world.”

George sidles up next to her, just a little closer than necessary. “Scared?”

She doesn’t move away, but she doesn’t look at him either. “I just have standards.”

“Good,” he murmurs. “Keep those. You’ll need them around this lot.”

His voice is different this time. Still teasing—but softer. Like he meant it. Like he’s offering something more than just flirtation.

She looks at him then, eyebrows raised. But before she can say anything, Arthur Hill lets out a whoop and sprints toward the nearest fountain like he’s been waiting his whole life for this moment.

Chaos erupts. Chris follows, shouting. Bach yells something about filming it for TikTok. ArthurTV is already pointing the camera and running after them.

Y/N stands there for a moment, blinking. And then—laughter bubbles out of her chest. Real, unfiltered laughter.

She turns back to George, who’s still watching her, not moving.

“You’re not going to jump in?” she asks.

He shrugs. “I don’t need to. I already won.”

Y/N rolls her eyes, but the smile won’t leave her face. She hates that he’s good at this—at getting under her skin in ways that feel both infuriating and... weirdly comforting.

The rest of the group is soaked and breathless by the time they regroup, laughing and dripping all over the sidewalk.

As they all head toward the next pub, the teams split again.

Y/N trails behind for a moment, her fingers brushing the hem of her ridiculous pink shirt.

She’s not sure what she expected when she agreed to this. Maybe just a fun distraction, a video to be edited and forgotten. But it’s starting to feel like something more.

And George?

Yeah. He’s going to be a problem.

---

Masterlist

——

I’m basically writing this for myself

[ozzgin]

Yandere! CEO Headcanons

Just a little idea I had some time ago of a rather bizarre dynamic: a CEO with no time to spare, introduced to a young student his wife befriended. Perhaps he does have a moment, after all. (I need to dump my preference for a cultured older man somewhere) Content: female reader, age gap, older yandere, NSFW, dating the wife is optional

[Yandere Masterlist]

Yandere! CEO who is in his mid 40s and terribly invested in his job. So much, that he and his wife agreed on an open relationship many years ago and barely interact anymore. Not a gloomy business by any means: she gets to meet new people and he can enjoy his work and hobbies in peace and without guilt.

Yandere! CEO who doesn't think much of it when his wife brings home a young student she befriended at a convention. He nods dismissively, returning to his papers and phone calls. At dinner, he just hums in acknowledgement and fiddles with the cutlery while the woman talks about you excitedly. "You know, (Y/N) reminds me a little of you." Nonsense.

Yandere! CEO with whom you scarcely interact: he's a borderline workaholic, and your relationship is cordial at best. That is until you're asked by the wife to retrieve some important documents from their ridiculously luxurious apartment. You quietly tiptoe past the office, but can't help glancing at the imposing library, stacked with books. The man's sudden arrival startles and you begin to mumble apologies, but he seems more interested in your curiosity than anything else.

Yandere! CEO who can't believe you both like the same authors. He discreetly removes the folder from your hands, tasking one of the assistants to deliver it to his wife instead. There are more important matters at hand. Have you had your coffee yet? Oh, you must stay longer. What's the hurry?

Yandere! CEO who has become awfully perceptive whenever your name is mentioned in conversations, innocently probing for more details. Naturally, he wouldn't mind meeting you again, but it's not...a need, per se. He was just pleasantly surprised to find someone he could so easily engage in conversation with. Hell, you're old enough to be his daughter. Don't be ridiculous, he'll scold himself sternly whenever his mind wanders too far.

Yandere! CEO who begins to feel like each encounter is a flirty tease. Is it just wishful thinking, or are you becoming cheekier by day? The way you bat your eyelashes, the way you cast your eyes down whenever he looks at you. The next time you're alone in the apartment, he's too far gone in his delusions to act rationally. How unusual for him to act so nonchalant. Unbuttoning your shirt with haste, trailing your neck with hot kisses, lifting your leg and pressing you against the wall. He never considered himself the type to fuck a much younger woman out of raw lust.

Yandere! CEO who loves taking you on dates despite his busy schedule. Art museums, theatres, the Opera. He is eager to introduce you to his interests and will answer any question or curiosity you have. Who would've thought everything is better in two? Of course, there could be other factors involved. Like the added bonus of watching you squirm in your seat and biting your lips to be quiet while he fingers you at the peak of Act 3. Then smirking to himself when everyone stands up for applause, and you have to rearrange your dress to hide the wet mess underneath.

Yandere! CEO who worries about you when he's on work trips, so he tasks his right-hand man to look after you and keep you company. If you ever get lonely, you can rely on his assistant to take care of all your needs. Now, he's not one to share, despite his marital arrangement. As bizarre as it sounds, he just sees the employee as a mere toy, an idle occupation who can temporarily entertain you in his absence. What he does perceive as a threat is swiftly taken care of. It's enough for you to mention another student flirted with you, and you'll never see that person again. You have to understand that he doesn't play around with his assets. One he has something, he holds onto it with ironclad strength. And he's never been more desperate to keep something in his possession.

Yandere! CEO who makes sure to remind you why dating him is your best (and only) choice. You would've wasted your time with boys your age. He can offer you the world and more, all you need to do is ask for it.

[a-very-tired-jew]

Hot Take Incoming The more I read about Neo/New Bundism, the more I'm convinced that it's an ideology that is based on a weird mix of Ashkenazic white guilt, "yearning for the shtetl", and identifying with Yiddish culture over Jewish culture because the former emphasizes secularism while the latter does not (which belies that fact that Judaism has multiple ways to engage with it and you don't need to be religious).

This last part is especially important to understand as in the West, Judaism is emphasized as one of the Big Three religions even though it's one of the smallest in the world. Many of us are taught that Judaism is just proto Xtianity or Islam, and depending on where you live and your community you absorb that. Especially if your family is non-practicing and there isn't much of a Jewish community and culture for you to interact with growing up. Many of our holidays, cultural norms, and so on are associated with Xtianity and framed in regards to a Cultural Xtian society. Hence why I think so many young secular Jews feel that they can't actually connect with Judaism because the narrative they have from Xtian society plus their disconnect from Jewish society means they perceive Judaism through the Xtian religious perspective.

If Cultural, religious, and lax Xtians are this way, then sure Judaism is as well since Xtianity is based on it, right?

That's the mindset I've seen over and over.

This is further exacerbated by the immigrant communities in the North Eastern USA (NY, PA, NJ) that had massive moments of cultural exchange and assimilation. Deli culture in the North East is a mix of Italian and Jewish cultures. Historically, Italian and Jewish communities allied and mixed in the early 20th to the point where it's a stereotype. And if you don't believe me then let me point to Harley Quinn in pop media, any of the organized crime families and the start of Las Vegas, or the fact that you can get a cheesesteak in a Jewish deli in PA.

So it makes sense that Bundism is having a revival of sorts into it's Neo era. It's a socialist ideology that emphasizes progressive ideals that man of us agree with. But Bundism also emphasized secular Judaism by putting Yiddish culture at the forefront. It was a way to be Jewish without being religious, and if you have any hang ups on religious practice then it makes sense as to why this ideology might be attractive. However, there is a failure to acknowledge that the largest Bund, and successor populations/groups, had to give a pound of flesh repeatedly to "prove" that they were loyal because of the old dual loyalty antisemitic conspiracy. And that was never enough as these groups were wiped out after their governments were done with them.

(Note: some of the most ardent anti-communist Jews were ex-Soviet citizens who managed to escape and witnessed all of this firsthand)

Neo/New Bundism comes across, especially since Oct 7th, as an aggressive "yearning for the shtetl" that rehashes the compromises the Old Bund was willing to give the USSR regarding its Judaism by embracing and emphasizing Yiddish culture instead.

For example; look at all the literature and examples regarding JVP. They had the seder plate incident back in the Spring, have had literature that told Jews not to pray and/or speak in Hebrew but in English or Arabic, and have rabbis that denigrate and dismiss Jewish culture and history (as well as so many other incidents and issues). All they need to do is tell Jews that they should actually be secular socialists and speak Yiddish instead and you'd have one of the cornerstones of Bundism.

It didn't work during the early to mid 20th century, and it won't work now.

But nostalgia is a helluva thing.

And so it comes across as this highly aggressive rejection of Israel and everything it stands for, whether true or falsely attributed to it, because it's not about the Jewish connection to Israel but the Jewish connection to a more immediate loss: Yiddish culture, which was decimated and destroyed in the 20th century. This is especially true when talking to Ashkenazic Neo Bundists as their family histories, like mine, start and stop with the Shoah.

Consider that the Bund were one of the largest Jewish organizations in the Pale, the resulting Yiddish community in said region were the largest in the world, and they organized and fought the Nazis, then it makes sense as to why the loss would be so poignant for many and grabbing ahold of the ideology to create a connection makes sense. I know for me that if I were to dive into everything Yiddish I would develop a greater appreciation for my family and where I come from even with the loss of knowledge caused by the Shoah.

If you further consider that it's a secular ideology that puts socialism first, then Yiddish, and then Judaism last, then it makes sense as to why you see so many anti-Zionists emphasize the "Israel killed Yiddish" talking point (which I haven't seen in months, but I remember it being a thing up until the Spring). The ideology does not emphasize identifying with Judaism and Israel, but with Yiddish culture and institutions.

There's nothing wrong with this per se, but it isolates an aspect of the Jewish community and says "you're different from the rest of them" while at the same time emphasizing that they should assimilate into the rest of the world. And let's be honest, because it is a European based ideology it was emphasizing assimilation into Western civilizations of European descent.

It therefore makes sense as to why Neo Bundists don't identify with Israel and/or refuse to identify with it. They identify with the European aspect of their history and not with the Middle Eastern. The European connection is immediate and direct, the Middle Eastern is distant and cultural. I understand this position as its Biological Altruism theory in practice, but it does fail to take in the larger "ecological" community that is being Jewish.

Part of the ideology and its adherents also blame Israel for not reviving or reconstituting the Yiddish community and culture, which is ironic because that would be focusing on a very European subculture of Judaism (and anti-Israel activists continuously yell that the country is a White European Colony). Ironically, this "Israel killed Yiddish" point either fails to take into account or lies through omission that the Nazis and USSR killed the largest Yiddish cultural centers and populations in the 20th century and that Yiddish culture in the USA has faded away over time as more and more ethnicities and cultures have assimilated and torn down their metaphorical, and sometimes very real, isolationist walls.

Unfortunately Neo Bundism focuses on the pre-WWII aspects of Bundism. I've personally talked to a bunch of Neo Bundists, and witnessed/read on social media their writings and interactions, and in each instance they emphasize that Bundism has been around since before WWII, was a widely supported ideology, and it stood opposed to Israel and Zionism.

Except they rarely talk about Bundism post WWII. After WWII and with the establishment of Israel it dropped the opposition position. Israel became an extant country and opposition to its existence didn't make sense anymore. It dropped the anti-Zionism, but still emphasized doikayt. It emphasized that Israel should adhere to the progressive Bundist ideologies of economic, social, racial, and political equality and equity. Hell, there was even an Israeli Bundist organization.

Hence why the last extant Old Bundist organization in the world, Melbourne's Jewish Labour Bund, has an issue with New/Neo Bundism. The Melborune JLB is the last existing Old Bund group in the world with all others have closed down in prior years or decades. MJLB acknowledges the October 7th attack by Hamas and the violence imposed on Palestinians by Israel. It acknowledges suffering on both sides. New/Neo Bundist organizations rarely, if ever, do this and instead commit to a Holocaust Universalization like position regarding Gaza while omitting the terrorist attacks.

Furthermore, the Neo/New Bundist organizations do not discuss the issues that define Bundist ideology, such as economic and social issues, but instead emphasizes the anti-Zionist position. This reduces it to a one trick pony that misses the point entirely (paraphrasing Dr. Ringelbaum who is President of JLB here). The focus on pre-WWII Bundist ideology echoes the sentiments of Bundist groups that did not want to change their ideals and positions afterwards, which led to them becoming defunct. The Neo/New movement is repeating the same mistakes that led to the dissolution of the movement at large and resulted in the ideology being relegated to the wings with no real voice.

It is also important to note that the majority of the Neo/New Bundist movement is under 30, with a lot of them being undergrad age. As someone who teaches this age bracket I will say that they're passionate but overconfident. They're informed but also ignorant. They're sympathetic and empathetic, but easily misled. I was too at that age.

And like any movement, Neo/New Bundism is going to have its growing pains. I think if it is to continue past this conflict and does not fizzle out then the movement and associated organizations need to reflect on what they actually mean outside of anti-Zionism. Because as of right now and for the past few years of its inception, and the brand new groups, that is all they've been. That's not fighting for labor, social, racial, political, and economic rights. That's repeating the same mistakes as the Bund in the early 20th century did. It's cutting off your nose to spite your face.

At this point in time myself and others don't trust Neo/New Bundists because why would we? The movement has shown that it's anti-Israel positioning is more important to them than anything else. This means they ally, like the Old Bund did, with antisemites who want to harm all of us. The movement just happens to give them permission to be extremely and violent antisemitic by using "as an anti-Zionist Jew" as a permissible framework. Just like the Old Bund did pre-WWII.

You're not doing anything new or innovative or helping the diaspora. You're following in the footsteps that led to more deaths of our people.

Please re-examine where you stand and what you stand for. It's been done before and we need to learn from history. Not repeat it.

[jonathansthickthighs]

My Sweetest Heart 2: Yandere! Fushiguro Toji x Reader

Description: You have a one night stand with Toji and now he won’t leave you alone.

Part 1 here

Part 3 here

Part 4 here

Part 5 here

Trigger Warnings: yandere, obsessive behavior, female reader, AFAB reader, toxic behavior, stalking, desperate toji, no smut this chapter, implied smut, alternative universe (no curses), age gap (reader is in her early 20’s, toji is in his mid 30’s)

A/N: im so overwhelmed by the amount of notes on my first post, tysm :’). This is a soft, slow chapter. Steamy smut next chapter 🥵

Not edited!

It had been a week.

Disconsolateness spread through Toji’s chest like a wildfire, the wretched feeling not leaving his soul since that damned night. But was it really damned? Toji dreamt of that night from the moment he set his gaze on you, but why. Why did you have to behave like he was nothing to you? He was certain no man would ever make you experience the ecstasy he made you feel, the pleasurable sensations you felt only he could provide. Yet, you haven’t answered a single one of his texts. The extraneous feelings were clouding his mind, making his thinking unclear.

The things you do to him.

If you could squeeze your way into Toji’s mind, you would be able to see the profoundness of his love for you, but he wasn’t sure how long he could let you explore his mind before you fell into an deep abysm of pure darkness. He would never allow that darkness to collide with the love he held for you. He would never in his life time hurt you in any way, nevertheless he would not hesitate to hurt —kill— any man who did as much as lay his eyes on you. You were his one and only treasure and he was never one for sharing.

Would it seem too desperate to call you? He already refrained himself from texting you more than twice a day, but the way you were ignoring him was making the hole his chest feel larger with each painful minute that passed from the lack of notice from you. He spent the last seven days watching you from afar, which was nothing new to him, but he felt the progress he made with you had dissipated. Why did you have to behave like he was nothing to you?

You were right across the street from him.

You were at a local café, sipping on some iced coffee. He knew you lied to him when you told him you didn’t drink coffee; he had watched you enter and leave the place countless times. Thus it was another reason why he felt hurt by you. He was aware of how despicable he was, nevertheless that’s not how he wanted you to perceive him. That’s why when you started making all those excuses, he felt like you were seeing right through him, like you could see how bad of a person he truly was. In the labyrinth of his soul, he felt an inexorable need to reshape your gaze upon him, the same way he would mold clay under the weight of his hefty fingers. Even if the whole world saw him as scum, he harbored a silent hope to be seen through a lens untainted by judgment by you.

Each beat of his heart was chanting a plea for you to fill the void within. He wanted to demonstrate he had a vulnerable tenderness reserved only for you.

He observed you chatting vigorously with your friends —the same ones from that night. He wondered if you told them about him. Would you go into detail about everything he did to you? Would you start getting flashbacks from all the things he did to you? He could envision the supple flesh of your thighs rubbing together, feeling your underwear dampen from the memories of him mounting you, making you squirm under him. Toji felt himself harden in his pants at the picture of you getting all hot and bothered because of him. A recollection of memories of your enchanting body flooded his mind each passing day, his groin aching with a ceaseless desire to be engulfed by your tight, warm cavern once more. He needed you more than he ever needed anything in his entire miserable life.

He decided the only way he could reclaim your attention was in the flesh, so before he could form another thought about it, his large figure plotted his course toward the café with gumption.

He strode into the aesthetically pleasing looking place, with practiced nonchalance, feigning ignorance of your presence as he made his way to the counter to order some simple black coffee. Once he paid for the overpriced coffee, he turned straight to the table you and your friends were occupying. You were laughing beautifully at something silly your friend had said and in an instant, you locked eyes with Toji.

A smirk tugged the corners of his scarred lips. He could tell you were experiencing a sense of inner turmoil running through you. Your friends noticed your shift in mood, their gazes pivoting towards the source of your abrupt change in demeanor. When they noticed what you were looking, they started giggling teasingly questioning if that was “the hottie you banged the other night” quite loudly. It was safe to say your friend weren’t ones for being subtle.

On the other hand, Toji’s chest swelled with pride upon learning that you did, in fact, tell, your friends about him. He was starting to believe that approaching you in the presence of your friends had been a nothing short of brilliant. He was well aware of his talents and it was abundantly clear that the most conspicuous one was his charm with women. He was going to win over your friends so they could influence you into giving him a chance, knowing all too well the powerful sway that a woman’s friends held over her decisions —especially when it comes to men. He was going to use your friends to his advantage with unyielding determination.

Toji could see you visibly tense up as he made his way to your table.

As soon as he was standing in front of you, your named rolled out of his mouth almost seductively, the smirk never leaving his perfectly sculpted face. “I hope I’m not intruding, wasn’t expecting running into ya here. It’s so great to see you!” He exclaimed without forgetting to greet your friends, forging politeness. He couldn’t give two fucks about your friends, but in order to execute his plan it had to be done.

Your lips curved upwards, a hesitant smile forming on your face. “Toji, wow! It’s good to see you too.” You rose from your seat awkwardly extending your arms in a friendly embrace. He instantly enfolded you into the embrace of his strong arms, not denying himself from indulging himself to the irresistible urge to inhale the delicious scent of your hair. Gods, if only he could live in your embrace forever. You were wearing a yellow summer dress that hugged your frame exquisitely. Holding you so close, taking in your scent, plus this little piece you were wearing had him almost coming in his pants. To make things even better for his perverted self, he was certain, by looking at your cheeks flushing with a deep hue of scarlet, that you had felt his hard on press against you while you were being embosomed by him.

Your friends gaze bore into at you expectantly as you jumped momentarily forgetting their presence. With a quick apologetic smile you hastened to introduced them. “Oh! Toji, these are my friends.” You told Toji each of their names and he nodded attentively, inwardly acknowledging that he was going to forget their names instantly. “It’s a pleasure. With all due respect, I have to say this has to be the most good looking friend group I’ve seen, quite frankly.” He playfully danced on the edge of flirtation, his words laced with a charm that clouded the insincerity of his words. And of course, your friends giggled gullibly, already smitten by the Adonis standing in front of them.

“No wonder miss ma’am here went for you. Not only are you a sight for sore eyes, you’re also good with your mouth!” Your friend teased, the rest of them agreeing with her making your cheeks deepen into a brighter shade of crimson, the flush of embarrassment spreading like fire across your delicate face. Toji knew what you were thinking. You knew exactly how good he was with his mouth, having experienced the onslaught of his fierce tongue in your cunt.

“Ah, you girls flatter me. And trust me, your pretty friend here is well aware of what this mouth is capable of.” He joked, eliciting peals of laughter from your friends.

“Girl, he got a sense of humor too? Why haven’t you married him yet?” Your other friend chimed in. In response, you laughed with a hint of discomfort, failing to understand how your friends couldn’t feel the tense atmosphere that surrounded you. You had recounted to your friends how he had been texting you nonstop for the past week, collectively agreeing to label him as nothing short of a creep. Yet, as they now met him face to face their skepticism suddenly melts away and they transform into Toji advocates? You didn’t understand. “Why don’t you sit with us, Toji? Let us get to know you a little!”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Toji chuckled, planting himself in the chair right next to yours, a little too close for your liking. He turned to you, a wide grin lighting up his features, meanwhile you settled into your seat with a frozen expression, like that of a deer in headlights. The morning after your night with him lingered in your mind, haunted by the memory of his hand grabbing your hair. Though he didn’t harm you, a sense of unease lingered, leaving you unable to shake the feeling of dread. You thought you’d never see him again, so running into him here took you by surprise.

As your other friends interrogated Toji, your best friend seized your arm, pulling you aside so she could talk to you closely. “Oh my God! You never mentioned how nice he is! Why have you been ignoring him this whole time, you bitch!” She voice came out in a furious whisper.

“I’ve told you before, I’m not looking to get into relationship at the moment and he’s so persistent. I just don’t want to lead him on.” You replied feeling annoyed at her abrupt change in demeanor. “The best men always come when you least expect them. I think you should give him a chance! Just go on one date with him and see how it goes from there on.” She insisted, her tone pleading. You were starting to feel guilty for avoiding him. Could your best friend be onto something? One date wouldn’t hurt, would it?

“Fine, but only one.”

Your best friend erupted in excitement at your agreement and sprung from her seat.

“Well girls, remember that thing we had to do? We gotta dash.” Confusion clouded the faces of your friends, prompting your best friend to shoot signals with her expressions, discreetly urging them to leave you alone with Toji. “W-wait, wha—“ Stammering in puzzlement, you attempted to grasp the situation. Your friends caught onto the unspoken cue and swiftly began gathering their belongings preparing to leave you two alone.

“Yeah, that’s right. We have plans… without you.” One of them giggled teasingly as they hurried out of the café.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

You couldn’t believe the scene unfolding before you. You made eye contact with Toji and he chuckled at your bewildered expression. “Quite the friends you’ve got.” He remarked casually, trying to hide the fact that he was shaking from excitement at being alone with you at last. He was fighting hard to conceal the thrill that vibrated beneath his skin.

You let out nervous laugh in agreement and joked, “Right. Making plans without me all the sudden.”

An awkward silence settled between you for a moment before you decided to break it, “Toji, about the texts—“

Toji interjected quickly, “Oh, don’t worry about that, sweetheart. I understand if things have been hectic lately. I’m just glad you’re okay. No pressure at all. Although, I do hope we can talk once in a while, I would like to get to know you more.” Toji mastered the art of concealing the ache of your week long indifference, cloaking his wounded heart with a facade of nonchalance. Determined to shield you from the depths of his longing, he masked his feelings, refusing to unveil his yearning for your attention.

You smiled genuinely at him for the first time since he got here. “I wouldn’t mind that at all. But, I would like to clarify that I’m not looking for a relationship right now. If we could keep things casual, I would really appreciate it.”

Toji felt a twitch in his eye; you were going to make things difficult for him. “I get it, sweetheart. No compromise.” For now.

You grinned at his acceptance and suggested, “You mentioned a mean ramen place in your texts. How about we go there now?” The realization that you were asking him on a date sent a wave of anticipation through him. Getting to talk and share his time with you again was the only thing he had been looking forward to the whole week. He let his gaze linger on your soft features, you were undeniably beautiful. He was determined to make your heart his, he knew he had to step up his game.

“I would love to, sweetheart.” Toji replied eagerly, excitement coursing through his veins. Temptingly, he added, “We could also go watch a movie at my place afterward, if you’re up for it.” You squeezed your thighs together, considering the myriad possibilities that could unfold once you two were alone at his place.

“Sure.”

[avonne-writes]

7. When he and Bucky start falling into their big fight when they're 30, Gale starts rebelling against what he thinks Bucky wants from him (to act like a dad), so he gets a little wild. He grows facial hair, loses weight and dresses more roughly too. He’s anything but soft during this period. Bucky would find it hot if he didn’t know what's causing it.

Need more on this Gale so badly 🥵

Gale is deeply hurt by what he perceives as Bucky betraying him. He has been clear about not wanting children since high school. They didn’t even discuss it seriously because it was so evident that they wouldn’t have any - except, maybe it wasn’t as evident as he thought it was.

There were small signs here and there that Bucky might actually want kids but whenever they brushed upon the question, Bucky reassured Gale that they would do whatever Gale wanted. The issue didn’t seem important to Bucky. But as Bucky's 30th birthday approached, the number made him reflect on his life more seriously than ever before. And years of Gale helping him build boundaries paid off - and backfired - because Bucky felt confident enough in his needs to finally voice that maybe he did want children.

Bucky absolutely didn’t mean it as an ultimatum or to pressure Gale, but he wanted a serious discussion where the why's are addressed, not something brushed off as "come on, John, you know I'm not cut out for this, let's talk about something else". But maybe his delivery wasn’t right, maybe nothing would have been right - his insistence to discuss the question hit Gale at the deepest scars on his heart.

This is when Gale’s reactive behaviour starts. He and Bucky stop the conversation the day it breaks out but it's in no way resolved and they both know it. As a nonverbal expression of just how badly suited he is to be a father, Gale begins to lean into those traits of his that don’t fit a traditional fatherly image.

He learnt how to ride a motorbike back in high school from Neil and he has his own bike since his mid-twenties. During this period, he starts using it excessively. Whenever he feels cornered or smothered by Bucky, he pushes Bucky away and goes away to ride his bike. He wears biker clothes a lot and refuses to wear his softest clothes, like some of his sweaters and the scarves he got from Bucky.

He's belligerent with Bucky, and things he would usually be only mildly irritated by now make him livid. It’s the effect of all the unresolved tension between him and Bucky.

They fight on and off, they get petty with each other, and their interactions get less understanding and nastier because of the hurt accumulating. Gale and Curt stop talking because Gale feels like Curt is on Bucky’s side.

Gale's entire being screams a big, loud NO during these few months, and he never stops to address why. All he feels is "I can’t, I can’t".

So, technically, Bucky does notice how insanely hot Gale is when he's a little rougher, and they do have some amazing sex in their better moments during this time, but Bucky feels more anger, concern and sadness at this acting out than desire.

After an uncomfortable Thanksgiving back in Milwaukee with Bucky's family, they have one huge, nasty fight, after which Bucky sleeps in the guest room and they both have to face the idea that this may lead to divorce.

[olderthannetfic]

My two favourite things in the world are both books that have all the elements that I enjoy, and I mean this in the sense of both the ID-gratifying elements like whump and fucked up intriguing character dynamics, and broader and more poignant topics about society and humanity and how it all functions and also some fucking beautiful writing.

Thing A has a massive fandom, whereas thing B has a fandom of like 20 people. This is due to several factors: A got an adaptation and lots of promo, and is also in a genre that doesn't seem intimidating and that fandoms tend to like interacting with, whereas B begins in a way that feels too highbrow/complicated so loads of people bounce off of it even though in the end it has more or less the same mix of ID-gratifying elements and poignant commentary on human nature.

I need to be clear that it's the combo of the two (+the sheer quality of the writing and plotting) that makes those books my two favourite things ever. There's just something very comforting about a work of art that effortlessly gets the things that you perceive about the world at large and find important but ALSO includes all your favourite kinks and trashy romance dynamics.

Now, you'd expect the fandom A to water down the source material and reduce it to incorrect quotes but there's actually a large and quite popular contingent of people engaging with the more philosophical/moral/sociological themes of the work, with excellent quality meta that gets as much traction as the cutesy ship fanart and people going apeshit over the whump and the meowmeowness of the morally questionable characters. There's arguments and fandom drama as well but I cannot describe how much I fucking love it there simply because the average fan understands the source material fairly well and is ready to engage with all of its elements, hot romance and whump and reflections on human nature and all.

OTOH fandom B tends to attract snooty intellectual types - and you can immediately tell from the profiles that they're snooty intellectual types. Lots of people calling themselves "bluestockings" and having the most stodgy upper middle class academia person attitudes imaginable. Which makes sense because you need to have a certain level of... confidence in your ability to comprehend complex things in order to not give up on the canon material halfway through? There's a very prevalent attitude of thinking they're cooler than other people because they're into this super deep and complicated thing.

The funny thing is that they seem to absolutely refuse to engage with the actual themes of the work and insist on mangling them and misunderstanding the characters to gush over the whump and the toxicity of it all. This, combined with the small size of the fandom, and the snooty intellectual attitude (sensitivity to opposing opinions because they've built their entire personalities on being Very Smart and Always Correct included!), and the frequent incapacity to comprehend that sometimes the grey morality and ambivalence is ON PURPOSE, makes me very reluctant to engage with the fandom at all even though the brainrot about the canon material is by this point an integral part of my soul.

I go into the tag almost every day - it gets a couple of posts per week from the same 15ish people and almost all of the ones that aren't jokes that fall flat misunderstand the canon while being obnoxious and snooty and gatekeepy as fuck.

Whereas in fandom A nobody's really putting on airs - they're all like "yeah we like this popular thing, isn't it cool! let's talk about the cool thing!" I don't know what my point was with all of this, beyond the fact that, man, I WISH fandom B were more like fandom A and it makes me sad that it's not.

I just want more cool people that I can discuss shit I like with, yeah?

(funnily enough I'm pretty sure that like 50% of fandom B are also at least casual fans of A, or at least A's mid adaptation, they just don't often have a lot to say about it.)

--

*id

[writingduhh]

omg, can u write something for ted with a tall!reader? like maybe she’s never dated a guy that’s taller than her and it could just be some cute fun moments in the relationship, like finally getting to wear heels on a date (obvi tall queens eat in heels but i personally get super self conscious about it lol)

YES OMHHH AS A PRETTY TALL GIRL I ADORE THIS! Hope this is alright!!

Head Over Heels || Ted Nivison

Tonight was your and Ted’s weekly date night.

However, when he arrived at your home carrying a garment bag over one arm, you were unsure of what he had planned.

"Alright, darling, take a seat," he said as he stepped inside, rubbing his hands together in a dramatic gesture. You settled onto the couch, watching him with curiosity.

"I have something special planned for tonight. Now, before you say anything, hear me out—because I already know you are going to look absolutely stunning in this."

With a deliberate motion, he unzipped the bag, revealing an elegant, silky dress—the kind that appeared to have been selected straight from the display window of an upscale boutique. Your breath caught as you reached out to touch the fabric, its luxurious softness confirming that he had spared no expense.

Before you could speak, he presented another bag.

"And to complement it..." He carefully retrieved a pair of sleek, sophisticated heels that matched the dress perfectly.

You hesitated, glancing between him and the shoes.

"Oh, Ted, that is incredibly thoughtful of you, but... I am not sure."

His expression softened as he noticed your hesitation, and he stepped closer. "What is the matter, sweetheart?"

You sighed, shifting slightly as you gestured towards the heels. "You know I have always felt somewhat self-conscious wearing things like this. I am already tall, and when I wear heels, I feel as though everyone is staring at me—as if I stand out in a way that is uncomfortable."

His expression transformed into something so gentle that it made your heart ache. He crouched before you, taking your hands in his.

"First of all, the *only* reason anyone will be staring is because you are going to leave them speechless." His thumbs brushed lightly over your knuckles, his touch grounding. "Second"—he gave your hands a reassuring squeeze—"I selected these because I know just how breathtaking you will look in them. I would hate for you to hold yourself back over what you *think* others might perceive."

You offered him a tentative smile, still uncertain. "And you truly do not mind if I am nearly as tall as you?"

Ted’s grin returned, a trace of mischief behind it.

"Are you joking? I love it. Do you think I have not noticed how heads turn when you enter a room? And if heels give you that extra confidence—if they make you feel even more like the goddess you are—then I fully support it."

Leaning in slightly, he brought your hand to his lips, his voice dropping to a murmur.

"Besides... if I’m being honest, I find it kinda hot.”

Warmth spread across your face at his words.

"And you," he added, straightening as he extended a hand to you, "are irresistible."

You let out a soft laugh, rolling your eyes in amusement as you accepted his hand.

"So, what do you say? Will you try it on for me? If it helps, I will even do that little twirl thing to show you my outfit.

Shaking your head, you retreated to the bedroom, your initial nerves giving way to an unexpected sense of anticipation. As you slipped into the dress and fastened the heels, you glanced at your reflection. Perhaps Ted was right—perhaps you had nothing to worry about. When you emerged, his reaction was worth every moment of doubt.

He froze mid-step, his jaw slackening slightly before a wide grin spread across his face.

"Oh. My." Running a hand through his hair, he appeared to be gathering himself. "Darling, you have just set a new standard for date-night attire."

You gave him a playful spin, laughing as he clutched his chest as though physically affected.

"Too much?"

"Not in the slightest." He stepped forward, his hands resting at your waist, his gaze full of admiration. "You look absolutely exquisite. And now, I have the privilege of spending the entire evening with the most beautiful woman in the room. I dare say I may be the luckiest man alive."

As you walked out the door, Ted cast a glance down at your heels, a playful glint in his eyes.

"By the way, if you ever need a rest, I would be more than happy to carry you."

"Careful," you teased, leaning into him with a knowing smile. "I might take you up on that."

And as the two of you set off for the evening, you realized that the heels were not only elevating you physically they were lifting your confidence as well.

Ted had a way of doing that.

[howdeepthegrave]

Agatha shopping with Rio to get gender validating items would be cute

This got set aside in drafts last night but here it is now!

Whose gender are we validating here? Both? Because all genders are valid (mine is basically the way Agatha ACTUALLY said the word "out" during her "interrogation" of Teen while still enspelled) so I'm just gonna assume Rio? I feel like Agatha's gender is validated for her everytime she wears a swoopy coat and a fetching enough pair of slacks while winning an argument.

I need you to imagine some sort of superstore that's like a Gender Validation Supply. (Is there such a place? That would be so cool.) Also this turned out to exist in one of my fic universes so that's fun.

"So do you like this or this?"

"Both. Both are good."

"Is that indecision talking, or..."

"What? Some days I need more compression and some days I don't. Actually, I don't always need much at all, but some days..."

"Okay, so both," Agatha said, dropping the short binder and the light compression tank into the cart.

"This place has everything," Rio breathed in awe, having wandered over to stare at the boxer briefs.

"You know, you could probably see to choose things more easily if you took off your shades."

"Agatha, I need my eye armor. In this way, I am not perceived."

"Oh, honey, you're cute. See, this is why I snapped you up out of the entire big giant lesbian dating pool at Westview."

"Well, I mean, I picked you because you were cute. And you came and visited me in the hospital. Granted, it was to get your panties back..."

Agatha shook her head.

"C'mon, loverboy. You said you wanted to look at the things that go in the underpants."

"Yes! Okay, this is where I'll really get to shine. I know exactly the sort of thing I want. I want something unobtrusive, yet bold. Something that says 'I run a garden center, then go home and rail my wife sometimes!'"

"Are you planning on showing your packer off at work, or..."

"Heck no! I said unobtrusive. I want it to say those things to me."

"Didn't know you needed a dick to run a garden center."

"I don't. Any more than you need another big, intimidating coat to run a bookshop."

"Oh come on! I look good breezing around in those, and it keeps the employees on their toes."

"Agatha, you give all of them three hour lunch breaks. Since when are you intimidating as a boss?"

"Since Yelena said I am. I mean, she would know intimidating, I guess."

They blundered their way over to the next items Rio had wanted to look at, but she suddenly shied back.

"We... We don't have to look at these, actually. I mean, I have the boxer insert and stuff at home. I... We don't have to."

That familiar note of nervousness was creeping into Rio's voice, the one that spoke of self-loathing over 'the whole gender thing' as she was wont to put it. Agatha touched her back gently and rubbed up and down the mid spine area.

"We can if you want to though, my love."

"I... Don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I'm not."

"But... I mean... I... I don't want you to hate me."

"Rio, I don't hate you and never will. I love you and I want to help you do whatever it takes to feel comfortable."

"But when I... When I lean into this way of being, I worry you'll be grossed out or something."

"Why would I? Sweetheart, I fell in love with you, with your inner self. I mean, you being super hot helped, but I fell in love with your sweetness and courtliness and kindness."

"You fell in love with my courtliness, huh? Basketball joke!"

"Yes, Rio, my love, I fell in love with you the moment I saw you concussed, strapped to a stretcher with my panties draped over your face."

Rio laughed.

"See, this is why we work. We were less meet cute and more meet frankly bonkers. This is why we work. This is the synergy. We match each other's freak, as they say."

"We do."

Rio looked at some of the items on display.

"Think I... Do you think I should look at these?"

"If you want to. If you feel comfortable. What's holding you back, because I know you know I love when you pack, so..."

"It's the baby, really."

Turning, Rio put her hand on Agatha's belly, pressing softly. It was still too early for anything to be showing, but Rio was still already fascinated.

"What if I should stop this stuff? What if me being all weird about my gender will screw them up?"

"It won't, Rio."

"But what if it does? What if they think I'm gross or messed up or whatever and they hate me?"

"Rio, they're going to love you, just as much as we're going to love them."

"What if I'm bad, though? What if I need to just pick a way to be..."

"My love, you have picked a way. The way that feels best for you. You are who you are, and who you are is Rio. The love of my life. The... Well, essentially the father of my child. You're a loving partner, a great friend, and a good person. You deserve to feel safe, my love, and happy with yourself."

Nodding, Rio suddenly looked very convinced.

"Right. Right. Okay. I'm gonna... Just look."

Agatha watched Rio move off among the racks and shelves, studying each item on offer. She was just happy to help her love find a way to be who they wanted to be. Rio had worked so hard throughout their relationship to make her happy, and Agatha figured the least she could do was try and return that action.

"Ooh, hey cariño, this one doubles as an STP device, AND it has retractable foreskin!"

[osaka-lilac]

Asking you to kindly elaborate on the strollonso football au:

hello raapija my beloved, i would love to elaborate <3

for those out of the loop, refer to my tags on this post!

warning: i am an american with a incredibly basic understanding of footy ("soccer"). there is a reason the actual talk of any gameplay is basic and limited

fernando is this new guy to Lawrence Stroll's footy team right. (because in every universe, lawrence has to own a Team.) i can imagine he's some draft pick from spain for a new striker or something like that. possibly some trade, maybe a mid-season exchange (they do that in american football but idk if they do that in footy) those who know specifics of positions in footy please let me know your thoughts on what position fernando would play

lance: couldn't give two shits about footy. he's seen maybe once in a blue moon on the sidelines tagging along, and he's known for being visibly bored or on his phone during matches. (he has the Pout Blast 3000 for this.)

the reputation he receives from fans is much like the perceived impressions he gets irl: some spoiled kid who shouldn't be there. he's more into hockey than any match his dad's team could ever play.

now when fernando shows up its like a fucking slap to the face. like. "holy fuck i didn't think they could be this hot" type beat.

for the first time, lance shows up to a team practice with his father, not just a match. but he's really not there for the team: he is enamored by fernando. his speed. he's a sly yet devilishly handsome fucker with this wicked grin when he knows he's tricked his opponent yet again, and lance is obsessed.

not only does he start going to way more matches. he also starts showing visible interest and gets invested. and he gets loud. the mumbles online about his "spoiled reputation" turn to joy. he becomes a meme of the team for a few weeks after a clip of him getting frustrated after a poorly-called card is given to fernando ends up going viral.

and maybe this entire time, fernando has been watching this young boy from afar. he totally believes he can't be with his literal manager's young son and jeopardize his spot on the team and a shot at glory. and maybe he believes that lance initially isn't interested. but maybe when he sees lance become more invested in the team, he figures he might have a chance. he just can't figure out why lance has become so invested in what was, quite frankly, a very short amount of time.

so maybe fernando's on the side for a while in a practice. lance is there, but he seems distant. not in the game. not really watching the drills by the other players with much enthusiasm. and fernando's a smart man. and he puts some pieces together in his brain. and makes a move.

he comes up to lance and asks to talk with him once practice is done. when all the other players are gone. in the locker room. of course lance agrees

flash forward a bit. n lance is like. hanging out by the exit outside of the locker room. he counts all the players. and when there's only one left. he goes inside. finds fernando sitting on one of the benches, still in his kit.

they get to talking. what lance does outside of being at games, (i can imagine him being a student but i don't have the will to kin assign him a major right now), what his favorite hockey team is (habs. of course) and of course, the loaded question:

"lancito, what's gotten you so interested in the team now?"

of course, lance doesn't really respond to this, kinda dances around the question. he gets flustered. he doesn't want to be found out. what if he sees right through him, what if he already knows, what if he tells his dad??

fernando leans in slightly, and slides his hand over lance's hip. he cups his chin softly, and slowly turns lance's head to look at fernando straight on.

"be honest, niñito."

and when has lance ever been anything but honest.

[atouchofireland]

PR Perception & Consequences: Luke Newton

[This analysis is from the perspective of a lover of story with a Masters in Publishing & Writing, with ties to a publicist with 20+ years experience.]

I didn't watch Bridgerton until a while after s2 came out. Partly because I hesitate with new shows and mainly because I hate waiting years between seasons.

I LOVE Derry Girls because it clicks with my mainly Irish family. So, I knew who Nicola was as Clare before watching Bridgerton, but nothing else.

That leads into the LN assumptions.

From what I can tell as a general viewer of the show and Social Media, he came from musical theater and Disney stuff in the UK before landing the Colin role in his mid 20's.

During this time, aka 2019/2020-2023, LN had a gf named Jade for that whole time.

Media reported that they'd broken up some time at the end of filming in June 2023. Then, there is some reports saying he got with his current partner, mere months later in at least 8/23 if not sooner. (Nic is known for keeping her even longterm relationships a secret, but Luke's previous gf would post a few pics and vids here and there.)

This is where PR should've started to protect his image before the first premiere and press tour even happened.

At this point, late 2023, Luke has not posted even a hint of his supposed app gf anywhere. Then he leaves for a 6-month world tour with his friend, of 5 years that he has easy chemistry with, but now they both are not with longtime partners.

LN leaned into the romantic press interviews with his friend because he was comfortable with her and it promoted the show.

Here's where his friends as PR shows dumbass judgment.

I believe I saw something about the app gf attending the 1st premier in London, before the tour, but it wasn't paparazzi-d. Whereas, after the WT, the 1st LN news was pap photos with this girl at the after party 2nd half premier. Basically, PURPOSEFULLY taking the romance illusion away from the couple that the actors built for the months leading up to this.

Bad PR leads off from here: self-described introvert Luke goes to Milan with 'gf',' fair enough it's fashion week. But, THEN he's BACK in Italy on "holiday." Getting paparazzi pics of him they didn't even get on his World Press Tour. Then possibly in Greece, continuing some vacation? So much of this shit makes zero sense both PR-wise and normal person-wise.

For example of good PR capitalizing on lead roles: Nicola is on a movie rn, she's part of A-list representation, she's possibly a future bond girl. Johnny Bailey was shooting a drama, Wicked, and his Bridgerton cameos at the same time. Simone is starring in a motion picture out soon.

The rumors of LN's friend Rory running his socials is horrible because: 1) Rory seems like a douchebag who wants more shirtless pictures of himself on his non-famous account than of his gf. 2) He puts Luke's skinny "similar to his gf" wannabe influencer gf on his instagram without hyping up any on Luke's actual work and projects.

This all gives off the vibe of this friend being resentful, taking advantage of Luke breaking up with his longterm gf and deciding to get more built for the show, and convincing him he needs the "hot rebound" for himself and image. As always, that gross straight man is wrong. All his friends say he's so sweet and quiet and genuine.

How I perceive him from his own press: Had a supportive, longterm gf who was also an aspiring actor as they were both coming up in their early 20's. LN started working out so much to get lean & abs to feel on-par with the other Bridgerton guys. Him and his gf grew apart, maybe even felt resentment, while LN was shooting so long for BS3. Shooting raps.

This is the overall perception that makes me and I think many others so mad: Luke had a sweet, curvy, talented gf for 4 years. And he was a thicker tall guy, not fat, not skinny, not ripped but amazingly curvy in the male way that's rare. He got all built for Bridgerton when Nic refused cuz it isn't necessary for the characters. And after all this real-life and on-screen romance with a mid-size woman, after becoming a "muscly man," he shows up with a stick-figure wanna be dance influencer.

His actions of allowing his pr/friend to paint him as if he gets "hot women" now that he's "desirable" is what makes me fucking sick about the perception of him and I think this is why so many Bridgerton fans in the SM sphere got the ick.

[msbiaxalblanc]

Bellarose's Journal No. #

Slight mature warning near the end

Spring, #

Winter had recently ended so that means classes are now back in session. Although it'll be nice to see the teachers again, life feels too... dull.

I'll be honest. The break for me was spent alone and although I don't feel things strongly, I feel envious to the rest of the student who had people to go back to.

Then again, it's not surprising. I am Merlin in the end.

~

Spring, #

We recently got a new peer among us. I don't think I caught his name, only that he came from noble line. Heard his magical prowess is admirable.

I wish him well.

~

Early Spring, #

I think I made him dislike me. Just this late morning, the teacher made the assignment to make us create our brightest light yet. One where it doesn't burn but shines.

I excelled it in one attempt. Bright as ever. But before that, the new student could only did it in three attempts.

I don't know why but he seems.. a bit peeved that I did it better than him. Once whispers about who I am made clear to him as 'Merlin', his expression soured.

... I hope he isn't too jealous however I am aware what nobles could be like.

~

Early spring, ##

I'm in my special place again by the river, patches of flower and leaning against the willow tree.

I was startled in the midst of my old studies when the new student came from the other side of the willow.

He's having a tantrum to himself. Someone must have annoyed him greatly if he showed such reaction. So I watched silently in curiosity. Now that I'm close and aren't disturb by others proximity, I can feel it...

His magic feels so cold... Yet so heartbreaking.

He was startled when I called out to him, out of concern for his well being.

We talked. His name is Cyran.

~

Mid Spring, ##

I gravitate towards him. I don't know why but I do. There's something about him that.. caught my attention. Maybe it's his looks? That's a common reason, yes? Maybe it's his social position? He's well off and influential, could easily make his way to be the best.

No. I don't believe it's those reasons. His magic... I'll admit, there are things even I can't do and the emotions tied in his magic is just..

Lots of incoherent scribbles followed

~

Mid Spring, ##

We met up again, in the library. Studying for a sudden test that we weren't prepared for. Cyran complained about the inefficiency of the magic instructors for not giving the test date in advance. I won't speak ill of the people but I thought the same.

Throughout our study session, I can't help but ask what he thinks of my magic. Not out of pride or arrogance but I'm just curious.

How does he perceived my magic?

Warm and bright, he said. And filled with.. something.

We passed the test and days later, we were having our lunch together. By the river. In my special spot.

... Is it too soon that I figured out what this something is?

~

Mid Spring, ##

We passed the test and days later, we were having our lunch together. By the river. In my special spot.

I made too much crepes so I offered some for him. Seeing him eat my treats fills me with a sense of contentment so strong that it startled me.

~

Late Spring, ##

He's my friend. The realisation was so sudden that I nearly dropped my pen and got this page smeared.

But yes, he's my friend. My first friend.

I guess the following years in the Lyceum won't be lonely after all.

Cyran is calling me, I'll continue this in a later date.

~

Late Spring, ##

I notice that he prefers my sweet crepes than my savoury ones. Hopefully, he appreciates my gift to him that I bought from the nearest village. With these chocolates, I could possibly made hot chocolate.

Edit: He loves it.

~

Late Spring, ##

We discussed our magic again. Comparing it even. I had my palm against his just to feel his magic channeling to know.

... His hands are so soft.

~

The following shows lots of undated journal entries.

~

Cyran saves my life today. A cart was barreling down a hill and I would've been knocked down if he didn't pull me out of the way.

Still, despite how cold his magic is, he feels warm so close...

Or maybe it's my body's reaction to the environment in a near death experience.

~

We stayed up late out of curfew, away from the dorms to watch the stars.

The stars looked beautiful as always. Though, Cyran argued he found something more beautiful than the specks of lights in the sky. Wonder what he means.

~

He invited me to his summer home for the, well, summer. His family won't be around and he doesn't wish to be alone.

I took it. I don't want to be alone too.

~

It was an experience. Being around Cyran for the summer. We had tea, we entertained ourselves with the books his family had. Dura above, we even baked together.

After a magic spar we did today, he asked me something if there's something I couldn't do in my life with my title being Merlin.

I confessed: I can't dance.

Although amused at first, he offers to teach me. I accept, with as much hesitance on my inexperience.

Break is over in the late summer and I'm currently trying to make a spell to feel another person's experience and emotions. The success rate is.. varying.

Although, news of me and Cyran spending together for the summer is spread. The student body (and teachers, admittedly) are looking at us expectantly whenever we're together. Odd. What could they be expecting? Isn't this what friends do?

Yet, my heart pangs when I consider us friends. Why?

~

We kissed. Nothing too wild, just an innocent kiss in the library late at night. But Dura above, my heart was blazing as I recall how he held me close.

He loves me, he said. That's what my feelings for him are, right? Love. It was love all along.

I wish to cherish this moment.

~

We spend the day together again, this time outside of Lyceum obligations. It feels nice, to hold his hand. To be close to him. To cherish him.

I can feel his coldness in contrast to my warm magic. Gently, I kissed the back of his fingers.

He's cute when his face is red.

~

Time passes by the following entries

~

I let him bed me and let him take my maidenhood in his private dorm. It was.. an experience. One I'll look back to.

He's beautiful yet is it possible for someone like him to hold someone so roughly yet gently? Cause that's what it felt like to me.

~

He bought a piece of jewelry, one that split for two people. He gave me one half of it. It was a dove. He had a raven.

~

We had a dance as one of the annual Serene Lyceum traditions. I am thankful that Cyran taught me how to dance well. Lest I step on people.

Regardless, it was a night to remember. Especially since my last dance was with him.

After that, he made sure I forget my own name as he takes me within the confines of our shared dorm.

~

He's suddenly avoiding me. I don't know why. Did I do something wrong? We're close to graduating yet news of war is slowly reaching our ears.

I don't want to be alone. I don't want to forget. I love these memories.

I love Cyran.

~

... The entries seems to end here.

[garlictoast]

It Takes Two

i hate this title but cannot think of anything better for the life of me.

day 6 of @lastdaysofwar! baby boy finally makes an appearance. it's actually criminal how little i write chuck.

The day of the PPDC’s annual ceremonial dinner, Chuck sulks for the better part of the day, taking the annoyance with him from his room, to the mess hall, to Kwoon. Raleigh must notice Chuck’s less than grand mood as he stops mid sparring session, arms folded over his chest.

“What?” He asks simply.

“‘What’ yourself, Becket,” Chuck retorts, dropping out of his ready position. “Why’d you stop?”

“You’re in a bad mood.”

Chuck snorts. “So? I fight better.”

“No, you don’t. You easily could’ve blocked my last three hits. You’re distracted.”

“You stopped in the middle of the fight.”

Raleigh raises one eyebrow. Chuck sighs but doesn’t yield. The two stand in silence for a long minute, unmoving, both determined to wait out the other’s patience. Or stubbornness, depending on who you ask. Finally, Chuck sighs, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not looking forward to wearing dress blues tonight, okay?” he snaps.

Raleigh stares at him, his stupid face breaking out into a mocking grin. “Are you serious, Chuck? Dressing up is what has you so put off? It’s just a dinner party.” He’s right, of course, but Chuck isn’t going to give him the pleasure. Every year, the PPDC hosts the same event, where a bunch of stuffy, uptight officials lurk around the rangers and pretend they know what it’s like to fight Kaiju.

Chuck waves him off, moving back into a ready stance. “Don’t patronize me, Ray. Pick up the stick and fight me already.” Raleigh’s still grinning as he matches Chuck’s stance. Chuck scowls at the other ranger’s stupid face, pushing his ire into their sparring session instead.

That evening, Chuck tugs on his ties with deft hands. He refuses to perceive himself in the mirror, dutifully keeping his eyes only on the thin fabric between his fingers. He doesn’t necessarily hate the uniform; they’re boring, if anything. No different from regular military dress. The problem is the event.

Chuck doesn’t see himself as a dress-up type. He’s not a hero, and not some desk jockey who has this one thing to look forward to every year. He hates being shown off like some show pony, dragged around by directors and board members, judged by the way he acts, the way he looks, the way he talks. (Though, the way he looks, isn’t as much a problem.) There is, inevitably, some group of old vets who compare getting body slammed by 3,000 tons of alien to sleeping in the mud for three days. Not to mention, the suits are damn stuffy, and the room is always too hot. Chuck yanks the end of the tie through the knot, giving it a sharp tug before finally stepping back.

Yeah, the looks are definitely not the problem. He drags a comb through his hair—the most he’s willing to do with it—before tossing the comb aside and leaving his room, his jacket slung over one shoulder. He steps into the hall at the same time as Raleigh, the two rangers pausing to take each other in. Raleigh’s not fully dressed yet, with his tie looped limply around his neck and jacket missing, but Chuck thinks the Gipsy pilot has never looked better.

“Have you seen Mako?” Raleigh asks before Chuck can come up with anything clever to say.

“Well, she’s not in my room, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Raleigh frowns at him. “Never mind.” He starts to walk away, and something possesses Chuck to go after him.

“C’mon, Ray, you can’t give me shit for being annoyed about playing dress-up when you don’t even bother to finish the look. Go tie your tie and get your jacket, then we can find Mako together.”

Raleigh glances sideways at him, the frown still pinching at the corners of his mouth. The guy’s gonna have some serious frown lines someday, Chuck thinks. “I need to find Mako first.”

“What, you need her to tie your tie?” Chuck jokes, punching Raleigh playfully in the shoulder.

Raleigh doesn’t laugh, though. He actually stops walking, gaze flicking to one side, then downwards, as he tries to avoid eye contact. Finally, he sighs, staring Chuck down with those seriously blue baby-blues.

Chuck’s playful grin slowly morphs into one of disbelief. “You can’t be serious, mate.”

Raleigh only sighs, shifting his weight.

“Raleigh. You can’t tie a tie?” Chuck doesn’t fail to recognize the irony of the situation. Raleigh gives him shit for not wanting to dress up, and the man can’t even do it himself.

It’s Raleigh’s turn to be annoyed as he turns on his heel, back towards his room. “I just never learned, okay?”

“You never—hey, hold on—” Chuck has to jog to catch up to him, blocking Raleigh’s door with one arm. Raleigh gives him the most withering look he’s ever received from anyone who wasn’t Herc. “I need to know how the great Raleigh Becket does, what, five years? In the PPDC, and never learned how to tie a damn tie.”

“Get out of my way, Chuck.” Raleigh shoves him aside, pushing the door open. To his credit, he doesn’t slam it in Chuck’s face. Chuck trails into the room after him, blocking the exit as Raleigh grabs his jacket from it’s hanger. The two rangers face off for the second time that day, though this time, Chuck is the one with his arms crossed over his chest. He’s not letting up this time, either. He holds Raleigh’s stare, one eyebrow raised in a mock of the other ranger, until Raleigh finally caves. “It’s just—Yancy always tied it for me.”

Chuck, for once in his life, doesn’t have anything to say. Instead, he steps forward, hardly registering he’s moving until he has Raleigh backed up against to wall. The older ranger doesn’t protest, only watching carefully as Chuck tosses his own jacket onto Raleigh’s bed before reaching out to the other man’s chest.

“I had to teach myself how to tie a tie,” Chuck says quietly as he takes to two ends of Raleigh’s tie, looping the thicker end over the other. “Growing up, just me and Dad, I was home alone more often than not.” He loops it over again. “There were a lot of times I had to get dressed up on my own. Proms, weddings, funerals, PPDC bullshit. I’m sure Dad would’ve done it for me, if he could’ve been there.” He doesn’t mention how much he hated it then, putting on a suit. Always has. Always will. Always a reminder of how much he was alone as a kid. “Maybe I can teach you sometime.” He tucks the end through the knot, pulling it snug. He pats Raleigh’s chest before stepping back, admiring his handiwork.

Raleigh stares down at his tie, then at Chuck, as if he’s just witnessed some weird, convoluted magic trick. Chuck turns away quickly to hide the blush he can feel crawling up his neck, grabbing his jacket off Raleigh’s bed.

“Put your jacket on, Ray. Pentecost will kill us if we’re late.”

Raleigh obeys—something Chuck vaguely thinks he could get used to—slipping his jacket over his shoulders, buttoning it snuggly across his front. Chuck grins, pulling on his own jacket before taking Raleigh by the shoulders, twirling him to face the mirror. The two blonds stare back at each other, looking almost identical in their dress blues.

“Well, don’t we make a pretty picture,” Chuck says, only half joking.

For once, Raleigh smiles.

[luluprevention]

OC Introduction: Coal

Time to out myself as a DoL enjoyer (like I haven’t been reblogging stuff about the game already lol) by introducing my favorite little pretty boy OC. Short information about him can be found in the character sheet above, if anyone wants to know more about him pls look for my ramblings below :3 

���•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ Character Info Below ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

This turned out really long so if anyone is curious about specific information instead of reading the entire thing, I sectioned this into three different parts: General information, supernatural related information and yandere information. Feel free to just jump to wherever you need to be :3 (also, I’m gonna be using ‘the Player’ sometimes in the text down below but just know that this includes all PCs and OCs and anyone else tbh)

General Information

Coal isn’t made as a PC insert, he is more of an NPC or maybe even a love interest (at least in my mind he is uwu). He’s in his early to mid twenties (if I had to pick a set age for him it would be 23) and can only be found in his uncle’s convenience store, at least initially. If found there one will rarely see him do any actual work but try to strike up a conversation with him and he will entertain it gladly. Anything that will give him a good excuse to do even less work lol. Apart from that, whenever he is manning the counter he is either on his phone, tablet or reading books. 

Personality wise, he portrays himself differently depending on the situation but don’t worry about that. Most of the time however he adopts a very ‘nice boy next door I’m here to help’ kind of vibe :3 Of course he is not above some friendly or not so friendly teasing now and then. Don’t pay too much attention to this next bit, but, most of what he does and how he presents himself is very calculated. Not necessarily in a bad way unless it is but more in the way of, I am presenting myself in the way I want to be perceived. Of course that also means that he is not adverse to being a complete dick or even just adopting a ‘bad boy’ vibe if he deems it more appropriate. He is my little skrunkly and I love him sobs

Takes great care of his looks and body but at the same time doesn’t. Like, he will follow a strict skin and hair care routine but at the same time only keep long hair bc he can cut that himself and doesn’t have to go to the hairdresser every month to maintain it. Will regularly take the time to do hand treatments to keep them from getting rough but also never wears sunscreen. Won’t drink anything except water flavoured with fresh fruits but will almost exclusively eat ready made meals. Also, I know I drew him with his hair down (mostly bc I just rly wanted to show it off lol) but he usually has it in as much of a ponytail as he can manage with that length. 

Bc of the nature of the town I feel I have to mention this here. Coal is not overly interested in acting on any of his romantic or sexual interests (mostly bc he has more important things to focus on and in his mind these interests just don’t serve that). But there are exceptions. Or, well, one exception. But we get to that when I go into his yandere mentality later lol. But yeah, he doesn’t accept or reciprocate if someone tries to hit on him and good luck to whoever is unfortunate enough to actually try and cop a feel (or more). 

Now like I mentioned, the convenience store, think 7/11 style btw bc I think the town could really use that, is in theory run by the uncle. (In my mind's eye I picture Coal's uncle, Ace, as very hot. In the gruff hunter kind of way, you know? Unfortunately I will probably never draw him bc I don't want to become obsessed with another middle aged man, Bailey is already more than enough orz). What do I mean by in theory? It will be explained once we get to the supernatural business of all of this. But anyways! The convenience store is still a fairly new addition to the town, opened only shortly after Ace and Coal moved into the town around a year ago and seemingly closed at random times.  

Does the convenience store generate profit? Uuuuuh. Could one say Coal is not helping with that? I mean, he could stop offering to just give the stuff to people in exchange for “something interesting” but look at all the cool rocks and little personal tidbits he’s gotten. And really, does the store even need to generate business? Not really bc it’s only a front. On another note tho, the convenience store is definitely a possible place of employment for the Player (someone has to pick up the work that Coal simply isn’t doing lol) and offers a very low harassment environment to spend time in :3 and if the Player is lucky they might even find out about the supernatural business

Supernatural Related Information

Omg, did you see this flawless transition into the next topic?? Anyways, the player can find out about the more supernatural part of what Ace and Coal do in one of two ways. One is to work at the convenience store and get Coal’s love up. This will either lead to Coal helping out during a supernatural encounter and revealing his actual job afterwards or, if the Player has high Awareness, Coal bringing it up himself bc he thinks that the Player might have information that could help run into trouble and he wants them to know that they can turn to him if needed. The other way is completely removed from the convenience store or Coal’s likeability but requires the Player to wander the forest at night for a chance to run into an investigating Coal there. A lot more dangerous bc the likelyhood to encounter something else is a lot higher actually. But if you manage to meet him there it’s some “caught in the act” kinda deal where he will also reveal that he is a hunter. (Psst, after the reveal the Player has a chance to encounter Coal leaving for, or coming back from, jobs ;3)

Now that we know how the information can be obtained, let’s talk about what the information actually entails! (Tbh a lot of the information I’m about to get into would probably not make its way to the Player or would just be mentioned very surface level but I just really want to yap about it, sooooo…)

Being a supernatural hunter, and being aware of the supernatural, is very much a family tradition that has been upheld for a very long time. In general it goes like this: child is born into the family and receives necessary lessons on the supernatural and fighting - at 12 they take part in the trial (will be explained in a bit) - if they succeed they receive their contracts and learn to fight while utilising their new abilities - at 15 they become active hunters under the mentorship of an older, still active, family member - they continue their work as a hunter until they themselves become a mentor - probably die before retirement tbh. 

So, just like every child of the family, Coal started his training very young and he took to it very well, even enjoying it most of the time. He actually took so well to it that he became the first new hunter in his generation following the failed trial of his older sibling. Speaking of the trial again, let’s actually get the explanation for that entire thing out of the way.

This trial is part of a ritual and is followed by the actual contract ceremony. To get to the contract part tho one has to first face multiple ordeals that are created through an illusion field. This makes sure that the children (bc let’s not forget that they are 12 at the time) don’t actually get physically hurt but, well, fear doesn’t really care whether or not something you see is just an illusion or not. Now, one very important thing that will be explained more once we get to the contracts is that the hunters of this family are not allowed to receive help from most outside sources, especially religious institutions, doesn’t matter if they are established big religions or some smaller sects (or even a cult tbh). So, what every child has to go through is tailored to them and their deepest fears, it is meant to push them to reach out, to take the easy way of asking for help instead of pushing through at their own detriment. And, obviously, the illusions given are mean enough to actually put the aforementioned outside sources in as well, and they are oh so willing to help, offering a helping hand even without being asked. And wouldn’t it be nice to take that hand and be free of those nightmares quite literally haunting you? Anyways, unsurprisingly there is a pretty large amount of failed trials, which is why the family usually has multiple children every generation, just to have some backup.

Now, if one gets through this successfully they go right into the contract ceremony! Fun! :D As soon as the child enters this part of the ritual they officially join the family’s hunter ranks, which also means that they accept "help from beyond". So to put it very simply, the hunter goes into the ritual with their ultimate goal in mind, eg. protect the innocent, bring harmony to this specific place, etc. and then the beings that wish to help with this goal step forward. The hunter, at this point, no longer has the choice to refuse the beings that have decided to help so tough luck if they are unhappy with who came through lol. In exchange for the supernatural help towards their goal the hunter, of course, vows to work towards their goal come whatever and to carry the names of the beings with them for as long as they are receiving the help. And I mean that quite literally bc the names (plus a customised protection circle) get supernaturally tattooed on the hunters. 

But what does this actually mean for the hunter? Obviously the most important part is the additional supernatural abilities that help with hunting. What these abilities are depends entirely on the contracted entities and how much of their power they are willing to lend. Of course this also comes with some cons, so let me tell you about the biggest con to this entire thing (I mean, apart from signing away your life I guess). Contracted hunters are not allowed to receive any blessings whatsoever. Or, well, I say allowed but they get actual debuffs if someone blesses them, no matter if there was any actual intent behind it. Even a “bless you” after sneezing will have an effect, though it is a smaller one. The reason for this? The ritual itself and the beings that the hunters are contracted to. There’s no way to know all of their affiliations, except maybe if you get yourself contracted to a big name in the game, and the entities certainly don’t owe their hunters this information. So, in an effort to not offend any of the beings, and also some other smaller things that I can get into some other time, the family has decided generations ago that not receiving any blessing, not aligning with any organizations, is the way to go. To make sure that all of the family’s hunters adhere to this as well, they added a part to the ritual that will cause the debuff should a blessing be detected. Of course this also means that they have to be careful during their work to make sure that they are not accidentally committing any taboos against any faiths while they’re hunting something. Like, you know, attacking the thing that this small temple is actually praying to. 

Also bc I feel it is important but I can’t think of a good segway into it: in Coal’s family the way they bring up kids is a bit,,, unique, let’s say. As the ritual and the following contracts are a family tradition it has become crucial to drill into every child born in the family that they cannot rely on anyone or anything except themselves and the ones they are contracted to. And in such, one could say that the upbringing of the young ones is quite neglectful. My bad whoopsie. It makes sense tho, I swear. It basically goes hand in hand with the entire ritual and the blessing debuff I mentioned earlier. Like, the big part of the ritual is to face multiple trials that are designed to make the person reach out for help, right? But if they do reach out they fail the trial. So in a sense the family is preparing the child to be self reliant enough by the time they go through the trial to succeed. But also if they fail the family will actually start taking better care of them, so there’s that. 

Continuing my horrible information placement bc I’m already at it anyways. No one in this family uses their real names bc names hold power so it’s better if no one else actually knows them. The parents are the only ones who know their child’s true name , mostly bc they are the ones who have to name their children. But right after giving the child their real name they just never use it again (except for when the child learns the name from them later on). Fear not tho bc after the whole ritual they get a new name, which name they get depends entirely on whether or not they succeeded or not. So yeah, Coal is the name he got after getting his contracts and not what his parents named him. Horribly placed intermission over ;v;

Fully back to Coal now! :D Like I mentioned, his older sibling failed the trial so when the time came for Coal himself to go through it he kinda told himself that he can’t fail bc if he fails one of his younger siblings would have to be the one to take the place as this generations hunter. But if he manages to get his contracts, then that means that his siblings are free from their responsibilities towards their family, free to choose whatever they want to do with their lives. Plus, he really enjoyed what he had been taught up until then so he didn’t see a reason to falter in his determination. He got through the trial (maybe a bit mentally scarred but eh, it’s probably fine) and went onwards to the contract ceremony. His goal going in, and going forward, was protection. Wanting to protect his younger siblings, protect his non-hunter family, protect the unaware from the supernatural, protect the weak from the scary. As a reward he got five beings that entered the contract with him and his protection circle tattoo engraved on his back, along with the names of all of them. 

Out of the beings Letro (nickname, not the official name bc, as established, names hold power and all that stuff) is the one that stays around Coal a lot more than the other ones. A lot more communicative, a lot more willing to lend power, a lot stronger than the others and maybe a slight bit obsessed with its favorite hunter. As such Coal has a quite close relationship with Letro compared to the more business-like relationship he has with the other four entities. And because it might come up and has very a heavy influence on how Coal is I won’t even make a secret out of what being Letro is lol. Well, kinda. Just know that they are spider inspired :3 

This means that Coal’s preferred hunting style is to string his web, to manipulate a situation in whatever way is necessary to have his unaware prey step into the trap he has laid out for them. Speaking of traps! Pls ask me about all the traps sobs The convenience store is so so so heavily warded against the supernatural that it is basically a shining beacon in this town. Makes it very safe but also attracts the attention of said supernaturals. So why would they do that? Why wouldn’t they ward in a less obvious way? The same question has come to many supernatural beings and too often they have come to the conclusion that Ace and Coal will be an easy target bc only fools would make themselves such obvious targets. But, well, a moth to the flame is still a moth caught. Anyways, the entire spider thing also influences Coal’s worldview and personality a lot but let's not worry about that, yeah? :) 

Now, why are Ace and Coal in DoL town anyways? I’m very glad you asked. A town like the one portrayed in DoL is a bit of a supernatural epicentre so rumours are bound to spring up. And rumours like that would certainly make their rounds in the hunter circles. Coal and his uncle, having heard some of those rumours, decided that it would be worth it to check out this town, putting their lifestyle of traveling from place to place on hold for a while to investigate. Knowing that this would be a longer operation and not one of their usual “let’s spend 3 weeks here and finish the threat” deal they decided to open the convenience store. Of course it is so that they have a front, a reason to be there without making people suspicious. But they also chose this bc at night the people who are aware of their business can come by to ask for their more specialised services without drawing attention. 

By the way, Ace and Coal often have to visit the temple to make sure that whatever they are hunting isn’t in some way related to it. The temple does answer those requests but isn’t very forthcoming with any other information. Which makes sense considering that the hunters are basically outsiders. But that also means that their job is made a lot harder by this. Most days they aren’t even allowed to go investigate places of supernatural interest within the forest. Bc of this tho both Coal and his uncle tend to still accept jobs outside of town, trying to make sure that one of them stays behind in the town but closing the store down without warning if that isn’t possible. Situations like this are the reason why Coal owns a black sports motorbike even though he and his uncle usually travel by car. 

Now then, as some might have noticed, Coal's title as the Protector comes mainly from his life's goal of protecting people from the supernatural, but that is not the only reason I chose that one. After the Player finds out about his supernatural main business the likelihood of Coal intervening in situations, especially supernatural ones, becomes a lot higher. Even if he has no strong opinion (or a negative one) of the Player he will help out with any supernatural problems he happens upon or is made aware of. Mostly bc that aligns with his job and interests anyways. If one gets his love up a decent amount tho he will start to help out with more mundane encounters as well, getting himself involved if he hears the Player call out for help or providing a hoodie/jacket if clothes are drenched or fully torn among other things :3

Yandere Information

Now, I promised that Coal has great yandere potential, so I should deliver, right? Okay, so, the potential is definitely there, it is just very hard to get Coal interested in someone. Or, well, maybe that is not the way to put it. His highest priority is, and always will be, hunting and he is not willing to jeopardize it by growing too attached to someone, especially if that someone could become a hindrance in the long run. And because of that Coal is very likely to just ignore whatever romantic or sexual interest he feels towards anyone, stomping it down before it can ever become something serious. 

But Caelum, I hear you say, why bring up that he would be a yandere if he is never going to allow himself to be interested in anyone? And I’m so glad that you brought this up bc this is where it gets interesting (and exciting imo). 

The true way to get Coal interested in someone is to catch not just his attention but also Letro’s.

Once the attention is caught? Congratulations, time to be promoted to being his little Grayling! Unfortunately tho that is not a good thing for the person of interest. Letro is the type to aim for consumption, after all becoming one with Coal naturally is the only thing that one should desire. Coal, too, is a little unhinged and feels the desire to consume his Grayling but it is a lot less noticeable. And also he’s not actually that interested in acting on those desires. He will keep Letro and its desire to swallow Grayling whole in check for as long as possible. Once it’s no longer possible? Uhm, well, whoopsie? I mean, there is one way to keep both Coal and Letro sated enough to not have it go that far. (I mean, apart from playing along to their rules but neither of them are gonna say what those are, so kudos if anyone actually manages to do that :D)

And that is where we come back to what I mentioned all the way at the beginning of this entire thing. I established that Coal is not overly interested in acting on romantic or sexual interests of his, right? And I did say that it would be different in relation to his Grayling, so now I would like to tell you why. If his Grayling comes on to him he will absolutely use the opportunity to endear himself to them. But the more important part is that he can also sate his desire to consume by having his mouth on whatever parts of them that he can reach. There’s gonna be so many bitemarks and hickeys lol. But at least Letro will stop urging him to eat his Grayling. At least for a while. 

Just a heads up, all bets are off if someone actually manages to drive Coal mentally unstable enough bc then none of that is gonna help anymore. He will be absolutely obsessed with the thought of consuming and Letro is only going to encourage and reward all of these thoughts bc look at them working towards the same goal :3

On a more positive(?) note tho, Coal would not be the kind of yandere to stalk his Grayling all of the time or to imprison them, especially if he has gone through the process of putting his mark on them. He would be the type that is very helpful. “Oh, you want smth to drink but you don't have money or anything interesting to trade? Just tell me your favorite colour and we will call it even *winks*” - “oh is that you little Grayling? What happened to your clothes? Here, take my jacket.” - “oh, this person has been bothering you? Would you like me to scare them off for you?”. Very coincidentally too, he is often nearby or happens upon his Grayling whenever they are in some kind of trouble, especially if it seems like a situation is about to turn dangerous. Even more strange is that these coincidences only become more frequent at the same time his Grayling begins to have more supernatural encounters.

He absolutely has the potential to get rid of anyone that is bothering his Grayling or shows romantic/sexual interest in them but, well, there’s really no need to. Coal can just make sure that he is the one to protect his little Grayling from anything too bad happening. And isn’t it gonna be so much more rewarding when Grayling picks him over everyone else in the end? And certainly they will, after all Coal has been so nice and helpful to them. He is certainly their one constant of safety now, so he knows that it is just a matter of time before he is chosen. Don’t worry he has totally not been manipulating any situations in his favour. Ever.

Back to more unfortunate news: Coal isn't the type of yandere that is like “my life means nothing without you” so if he doesn't get his desired outcome at some point he will be okay with just,,,,, giving in and eating Grayling only to move on afterwards like nothing happened orz. Same result if Grayling decides that they don't want to join the travelling lifestyle that is necessary for his hunter work. The only way to not get consumed but also not have to travel around a lot is to agree to move in with or near Coal's family. He will explain that it is for safety, because hunters make enemies in their line of work and that is the only way to keep them save, which is very true and is part of why Coal is making such a big deal out of this but there is also the need to have his Grayling where he put them, an environment deemed adequate enough if Grayling can't be by his side at all times. 

Aaand I think that is where I will end it. I know the yandere part is a bit short but that is mainly what I will be writing for my Coal fics so I don’t want to give everything away here already ;v; pls forgive. But also, I’m like 4.000 words into this and I’m tired sobs. 

Thank you tho for reading this far and have some more fun facts below that I didn’t work into the above :3 Also, any Coal questions are absolutely welcomed, he’s been running laps in my head anyways lol.

Some more fun facts: 

I default to male for him bc I’m always lacking male fandom OCs but just know that female and nonbinary Coal exist and are identical to male him lol

his actual name is Azrael, it will probably never come up again tho

he keeps his bike constantly in storage if he doesn’t need it (especially while in DoL town) bc he doesn’t want anything happening to it

I know I drew him with a gun but pls know that he is just as likely to use a dagger or other weapons ;v; it’s very important to me that you know that

(there was actually supposed to be another Coal drawing with a dagger on the character sheet but it made the whole thing look too cramped so I had to scratch it sob)

the convenience store has a basement :3 it’s very cool down there, trust

speaking of, Ace and Coal live in an apartment above their convenience store

one day Coal will take his place as the mentor for a new young hunter and I’m so looking forward to it

the Grayling nickname evolution goes: Grayling -> little Grayling -> my little Grayling (yes, there are thoughts going into which version of the nickname is being used lol)

I wanted to make Coal's yandere tendencies correlate with Letro’s identity as a spider entity so he wants to weave the web without anyone being the wiser and then just lie in wait while the prey gets itself caught without him having to do much more lol

if the investigations into the town stay stagnant for too long Ace and Coal will agree to leave permanently to go back to their previous lifestyle and work

(So if one wants to keep them in town for longer than just like the next 2 years it would be very beneficial to feed them supernatural information. Especially if it is something the temple is trying to keep hidden :3)

I was heavily inspired by the first season of Supernatural when I started working on him lol. Almost gave him the Dean fit but decided against it

btw Coal isn’t even a cannibal. The thought of eating anyone has never crossed his mind before Grayling lol

[cringearenachamp]

Silent All These Years: A Social and Sonic Situating of For The Love of Strange Medicine

(henceforth called FTLOSM cause fuck typing that title out every two seconds, no offense)

FTLOSM is Steve's second solo album and-- maybe controversial-- far and away my FAVORITE. First of all he's killing and slaying on the cover which always helps. More seriously, though, it seems like the solo album where he makes the least compromises and experiments the most. Street Talk had that wonderful album cover that looked like the cover of some mid-century gay pulp novel about cruising or something, but the most famous song off that record, Oh Sherrie, was obviously about (and for-- to the extent that she gets royalties from it), well, Sherrie. She's Mine is a misogynist mess of a surface text (which can and probably will be its own mini-post at some point lol). Nearly all the songs are sung in a very masculine tone, and his aesthetic is also still that more masculine style a la Frontiers but with an added... fedora.

(steve honey.... girl... why.)

So Street Talk was Steve's first step out on his own and it shows. He's still very insecure about how he's perceived, wants to be seen as masculine, but-- as the album cover hints at-- he wants to be seen as masculine by other men not just for approval and safety, but because, well... he's one of those streetlight people livin just to find emotion cruising for [redacted] at 3 in the morning (or at least, a part of him wanted to be)! There are still interesting songs on that album, too-- my favorite being You Should Be Happy, which reads as a "fuck you"/"how dare you and fuck you for being so HOT" to Neal lol, but beyond that, includes some imagery that recurs on Running Alone on the same album, but also FTLOSM: being trapped in dark empty rooms, longing to get out but being afraid of it. A bit of closet imagery!

(yay no more fedora! And just generally a lot more of a comfortable look for him, it seems: not super femme but not super masc either, just vibing and subtly slaying!)

FTLOSM, on the other hand, was released ten years after Street Talk and is a lot more mature in various ways. His voice has changed even more and shows the wear and tear of 10 years of a harrowing tour cycle, but there's still a lot of power behind it and he's not trying to sound extra-macho. The song topics are surprisingly varied and aren't just introspective but show that he was willing to dip his toe into more social messaging as well: vague, still, but for a guy who is mostly known for love songs, it's a welcome step forward and another sign that he was willing to experiment a little bit! The stuck in the darkness imagery that found its way onto some songs in Street Talk is still present in songs like the title track, I Am, and Young Hearts Forever: it seems to be something of a motif for him. Street survival references are also present here as they were on Street Talk (album name but also Running Alone-- 'the street won't defeat me/'cause i've got the will, i'll survive') and Frontiers (Troubled Child-- 'sunrise creeping in your eyes/cold empty sidewalks/miles away from trusting someone/far from giving up'): You Better Wait is about sympathizing with a young street sex worker, and the title track also includes references to the "sidewalks" that were present on Troubled Child. These sorts of references are something of a recurring lyrical/thematic motif for him as well (as I hinted at earlier, too, Don't Stop Believing itself has these references-- streetlight people!).

Street survival and sex work, like closet life and cruising (basically picking guys up in public, whether that's in a park, on the street, or indoor locations), are things that would be familiar to poor gay men in the mid-late 20th century (of course, even more familiar for gay men of color, and even still more familiar for "street queens" and trans women of color): there was quite a bit of legal discrimination to deal with at that point, alongside social stigma and violence. Cities could have more accepting pockets/gay neighborhoods and provided certain kinds of freedom, but that stigma and discrimination meant that there was still less economic opportunity, the jobs available might've not paid well and/or carried the fear of harassment or worse from bosses or co-workers, and the results of fear/violence/shame/etc of being gay in an unaccepting place would make drug and alcohol use more likely in order to cope with it all. Both cruising and street sex work would have had some overlap in physical coding (gestures, looks, dress) and location choices (secrecy/discreetness, of course, were important regardless). If Steve did hang around cruising grounds, he likely saw men and women around that weren't so lucky and had to do things for money instead of fun/thrill/moments of contained self-actualization.

FTLOSM is also interesting sonically because of Steve's willingness to experiment, try things out, and be a little more open: there's classic power ballad type stuff, but also stuff with strings (which he'd always wanted to do), hard rock, blues/gospel (Somewhere There's Hope, which is a gospel-inspired song without references to god, which I actually appreciate-- a twist on the genre-- and a song that hits on a personal level for him but also would fit on a cultural level for the time, as it reflects that uneasy tension between increased visibility and acceptance-backlash; increasingly self-actualized life amidst continued death), U2-style arena new wave, and even a sort of art pop track in Tuesday Heartache, which happens to be one of my favorite songs on the album because of how comparatively out-there it is. I wish he was able to do more like it, or even went farther into alternative pop sounds and tried his hand out at trip-hop or dream pop. But alas! The production is often the main critique people have of this album: it sounds dated for the time. That's true! BUT: the early 90s were a VERY fast-moving time for various musical trends, and the popularity of Nirvana turned everything upside down. All that echo/etc wasn't that out-of-place just two years earlier, when the album below was released, and I think it is THEEEEEE album to turn to when talking about this era of Steve:

(i'm looking for a savior on these dirty streeeeets/looking for a savior within these dirty sheets~)

Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes also has very similar echo-y production, very introspective lyrics about the traumas she went through being a girl and then a woman in a misogynist world, and her vocals are beautiful, dramatic, and.... breathy. Steve's vocals on FTLOSM have that sort of breathiness as well, and for a long time I was like "girl WHY did you do that". Maybe Mizz Tori is why! There's also being in the shadows/darkness imagery in Girl: "from in the shadows she calls/and in the shadows she finds a way" (compare to Young Hearts Forever: "here in the darkness/she dances alone/roses from yesterday/will she ever know". There's also some similar lyrics and motifs to Girl in You Better Wait).

Tuesday Heartache, which I mentioned earlier, also sounds a lot like Janet Jackson- Pleasure Principle (and the keyboard intro sounds like Cocteau Twins - I Wear Your Ring). Stand Up Before It's Too Late is the U2 worship song in every way lol. So this is an album that wears its influences and inspirations on its sleeve! But in my opinion, this works very well: for one, he and the rest of the band synthesize these influences very well and they still add their own touch to it. It's not derivative, or if it is, it's very pleasantly so, not sloppily done at all. For another, this album is very reflective in tone, a sort of giving back of a kind (there's an apology-to-sherrie song, and apology-to-journey song, and young hearts forever is/includes a tribute to Phil Lynott, the front man of Thin Lizzy, who was a friend of his), and so all the influences and inspirations make sense with that framing as well.

FTLOSM is, by and large, a brave step forward for Steve that was sadly cut short by the Trial By Fire Journey reunion nonsense, which was an experience that fucked him up enough that he didn't release anything else for nearly twenty years. Like many things about Steve it stands on its own as an interesting piece of music, but it also contains tragedies and whispers of what could have been.

The FTLOSM tour is interesting in and of itself as an exploration of male gender roles and uses of camp, but that's for another essay...!

And if you like this, listen to....

Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes Cocteau Twins - Heaven or Las Vegas Peter Gabriel - Us Sinead O'Connor - I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got Everything But The Girl - Walking Wounded

[udretlnea]

The Divine City: Some Slices of Life

Part 1 \ Part 2 (here) \ Part 3 \ Part 4

"We seal our fate with the choices we take, but don't give a second thought to the chances we take"

Gloria Estefan

At precisely 7 am it spilled into the room from the window. It crawled onto the floor and up the bed until it hit the eyes of its occupant. With a soft sigh, her eyes flutter open. Then she frowns at the growing sunlight as if it had interrupted a perfect dream.

Muttering to herself, she slides out of bed without a second thought. A quick glance at the clock tells her she’s got ten minutes before the servants wake up. 

She huffs. May as well get ready. A quick snack should suffice for now. I can eat properly at lunch.

Her morning routine was simple: Wash face, change out of sleepwear and into something plain (that reminds her: she needs to do shopping), and brush her hair a dozen times.

With that out of the way, she makes for the kitchen. It is blissfully empty save for her. 

She grabs an apple before grabbing a pitcher of water and an empty cup. Breakfast is a quiet affair as she sits down in the middle of an empty table; she doesn’t bat an eye to the empty chairs on either side. Her mindless chewing fills the silence. 

As she finishes her apple, a door opens. Without turning her head, she already knows who it is.

“Lady Cecilia. You’re earlier than usual,” says a mature, refined female voice.

Cecilia nods at the statement. “I have an awful lot to do today. With Volksfest coming up, I imagine my classmates are up to something so I figured I’d give them a hand.”

She turns her head to look at the person’s expression. Said person is a tall woman with slightly dark red hair, yellow eyes, and fair skin. The maid uniform she wore went to her calves mid-way. 

The woman hums with a thoughtful expression. “I see. Will you be back in time for dinner?”

Probably, though if I’m right Rickard is going to try to get me to stay. I’ll say no of course. Is what she thinks. Instead she says, “Sure,” and gets up to clean her things. 

Cecilia walks past the maid only to pause. The teen faces “Wait, Emery, before I forget I wanted to say that-no, ask you…is there anything you need while I’m out?”

Is there anything you want me to buy for you and the others? Is what she wanted to say, but the maid already replies.

“Well, now that you mention it, we’re already expecting festivities soon so some wine, cheese, and grapes would be needed.” Cecilia nods.

Screw it. While I’m here I may as well ask. If I don’t I’ll regret it. She opens her mouth-

“As for gifts, well, nothing comes to mind. Though I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if I desired an accessory for the neck,” finishes Emery.

-and it hangs open. Cecilia looks at the redhead bemusedly. The latter’s lips curl upwards in what Cecilia perceives as amusement. 

After three seconds of stunned silence the teen finds her voice again. “I see. Is there-is there a particular item you had in mind?”

Emery smirks. “You may try the lower end of the commerce district. Look out for a place called Timeless Treasures.”

“Timeless Treasures. Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.” The two said farewell to each other. As she went back to her room, Cecilia couldn’t help but think about how Emery knew what was on her mind.

That woman can be scarily perceptive at times. She shuddered as she slung a light coat over a plain green dress. I wonder if she has a super dark past she’s running from like in those light novels. 

“Now there’s a fun thought,” she muttered as she exited her room.

///////////

The skies were clear save for the single stray cloud, but with it being August temperatures were cooling down. Cecilia silently thanked Her Grace she didn’t have to walk through humid and hot air.

Depending on where you went in the commerce district, you could either find the low-quality items sold at twice their price or “one-of-a-kind” merch that was special and thus was marked at an exorbitant fee. Cecilia was familiar with this game, however, and thanks to her folks training her to haggle she was prepared to play.

Thus, thirty minutes later she had two bottles of fine vintage, several blocks of cheese, fresh grapes, and some knick-knacks. She carried them both in bags in either hand.

She had to ask around where Timeless Treasures was. Apparently it was near the southwest edge of the middle section. 

As she made her way there, Cecilia walked through the streets almost in a trance. She barely acknowledged the decorations or the festive aura around her. Her head was locked straight ahead like she was dead set on getting to her destination.

CRASH

A loud commotion drew her attention to her left. Cecilia turned her head to find a trio of students cornering another student. Inside of her, some small ugly part recognizes what’s happening. She doesn’t even need to get close enough to hear what they’re saying.

“Think you’re worthy to stand on the same ground as us?”

“I bet you don’t even know basic etiquette.”

“What’s a country rat even to do here? Shouldn’t you be picking weeds?”

To his credit, the student doesn’t flinch. “I’m middle class-”

He doesn’t get to finish when Bully 1 punches him in the gut. The air knocked out of his lungs. Bully 2 sneers. “Did we say you could speak, trash?”

They laugh mockingly and start name-calling him. From a distance, Cecilia watches this. She feels frozen to the spot and far away. It’s as if she can see herself in third-person.

A small part of her whispers in her ear. You can stop them before it gets worse.

She could. She can! Cecilia takes a step, ready to shout at these punks-

Do not.

When another voice stops her. Suddenly, it’s as if she’s seized by fear. Anxiety roils in her gut, making her hide on the side. Cecilia is holding her breath.

If you intervene, those students will remember your face. Come school they’ll gossip and in five minutes you’ll be an outcast. That’s more trouble for you and everyone back home, ignoring your parents. Just keep your head down and walk away. Cecilia clenches her fist. 

We can’t walk away from injustice! the smaller voice protests.

Your actions have consequences. Consider them carefully.

The conversation lasted for ten seconds, but it felt like an hour. Then she shuts her eyes, tilts her head down and walks away.

Cecilia put on a flat look. She was already pushing the incident to the depths of her mind to be forgotten.

///////////

Timeless Treasures was in between a cafe and a hat store. Cecilia was near-tired at this point, but she powered through. It took a long walk, but she took solace in the fact she can go back home soon.

Cecilia reached a hand out for the door, only for it to open. She watched as a farm boy walked out carrying a wrapped gift.

The teen stared at the teen as he walked away. She should’ve just ignored it and went through the door. She should’ve asked the storekeeper for a necklace. She should’ve just taken her spoils back home. 

And yet her curiosity demanded to be sated. Cecilia mentally cursed herself before following the teen.

It took her longer than she imagined thanks to the morning rush starting. She nearly lost him twice. Cecilia counted herself lucky when she spotted him breaking away to another street. From there, she saw him turn into another alley. When she rounded the corner she caught the sight of his foot before he disappeared through a hole in the wall.

Cecilia carefully made her way, stepping lightly so as not to alert him. Once close enough she examined the exit with a scrutinizing eye.

…Is this an old tunnel? I figured these would be sealed up by now. She observed. It wasn’t faring well nor was it in an ideal condition, but the fact it still stood told her what she needed. This is how that commoner’s been entering the city, eh? I’m surprised he hasn’t been caught yet!

And then a feeling of fear flared within her. She wasn’t afraid for herself, but rather the boy. She remembers what happened earlier today and she feels bitter. Somehow she finds the resolve to do what she could’ve done before right now. 

Cecilia turns back around, already retracing her steps. In her mind, she thinks of one person she knows who can help her pull this off.

For now, she’ll prepare for tomorrow.

//////////////////////////////////

A/N:

Taglist: @yuriisclumsy

Social Hierarchy in the Divine City for context!

Questions, comments, and critiques are more than welcome! Let me know how I can improve anything at all (Please.)!

I wanted to write Cecilia not as a snooty, arrogant brat, but as a bored young teen who hasn’t found her motivation in life yet. And that affects her confidence in DOING things like stopping bullying. She’s not terrible, but she isn’t good when she isn’t proactive in solving problems in general.

As the sole child of wealthy parents who go on frequent business trips, I desired to write her as somewhat independent. She COULD have just gotten servants to go out, but she wouldn't waste any opportunity to keep herself busy. Of course, she knows this conflicts with the general image of the upper class so she's prepared to lie her way out.

Man, social hierarchies are complicated to live in.

//////////////////////////////////

P-34: Hm. Lady Cecilia seems almost disappointed in herself at that moment.

"Sir": That's definitely regret.

P-34: And classism is...terrible. Just generally terrible. Besides, where are her parents?

"Sir": It's implied they're not at home. And Cecilia thinks of them in the present, which means they're not dead. So no 'dead parents' trope in effect here.

P-34: Oh good! That whole trope is getting rather cliche if ya ask me. It's nice for some variety now and then.

"Sir": Mm. It's a good thing Emery and the servants are there. Granted they're not actual parents, but the details are boring.

P-34: I wonder if she actually cares for Henry or simply wants him to stay out for his own good.

"Sir": Yes...a good question for next time.

P-34: Hmm...well then, who's after her?

"Sir": *shuffles paper* Oh, a blacksmith apprentice. Makes sense. A big city and national guard means someone needs to be making weapons. As for who's learning HOW to, well...hmhm. This'll be a first to write. Best to give it my all!

[coldjustness-archive]

Obervations and thoughts of Neve's phantom pain. So while more research is done, and pondering how Neve deals with it considering her schedule is basically 'go go go' it brings up the question, how does she handle it, what does she do when it is triggered, and how does her attitude change? We see in the beginning if she is injured, she tries to hide the fact that she is worse off for wear, and tries to continue on the journey anyway.

This is probably the same way that she tries to approach phantom pain, especially since she can manage it (face value anyway) better than when she first experienced it once her injury was properly healed. And if you ask after her, she will a 100% get snippy, which- fair, anyone would feeling like a hot iron is being pressed into a heel of a foot that isn't there, or like razors are being pressed between non-existent toes, OR electric shocks firing through her leg, when she has her prosthetic on.

And like when she is injured in game, she will get defensive on what you perceived as her ability. If she is there, visibly uncomfortable - with something that can't be fixed by taking weight off her prosthetic, and you tell her to take a moment. She will get angry, has likely gotten angry too. In fact, I wouldn't even doubt that IN GAME, she is also pushing through that as well. (Which these episodes can last for a few short sharp minutes, or.. longer. It varies from person to person.)

Moments I am sure happened in the Lighthouse.

In the middle of eating, Neve has put her food down and stared at it. Eyes everyone, and then excuses herself and thanks Lucanis or Bellara for the delicious food and slowly stands up, and gradually makes her way to the door. Keeping her composure until she steps out and then leans over slightly - hands on her knees, and eyes that office and suddenly it looks SO far away with such a huge climb to the doors. But she does it anyway, and goes right in to remove her prosthetic in private and ... deal. Also the wisps have shown up around her as she goes.

She will be talking mid conversation, and one of her hands starts casually gripping her right thigh and will briefly look uncomfortable - this is a shorter spell of it, and will try to downplay it because she is in the middle of a case, or case study. Yet her other hand is gripping into her scepter. Either way, if in company she will play it as casually as she can so no one asks questions.

Romanced. Can be found sitting on her cot, prosthetic off, and gripping and massaging her residual limb. But this is during one of the worst episodes that can happen every now and again (and again, it's different for everyone with an amputated limb).

I tried to link a video to a lovely lady talking about her experience with phantom limb but tumblr won’t let me for some reason. Her URL is FootlessJo on YouTube and many other platforms if you are interested in her content. She speaks on her experiences, and answers questions, as a below the knee amputee.