#somber yet hopeful that they might one (hehe) day get out of there

[space-was-an-artistic-mistake]

If you can't tell I finished hfjONE recently XD, binged it all in one (hehe) night, sketched this, and promptly passed out. So have this finished piece about my feelings towards the ending with my Liam gijinka!

Sketch, Text-less, and alt versions under the cut! (there's quite a few)

Plus just the line art!

[atangledfate]

How long had they been sitting here, Whisper holding her and playing with her hair. She was like that, she couldn't speak but she could convey her thoughts in other ways. That Wolf was something, and she knew how to make her smile in ways she couldn't explain. She still felt terrible about the whole yelling at her, the things she said that day. But Whisper seemed to forgive her? Maybe she did or maybe it was to easy. But things wouldn't change would they? as long as Mimic was out there nothing would really change. Whisper would leave to find him, and she'd be sitting here wondering if Whisp was ok.

She slowly drug herself out of the blissful embrace with her wolf girl, and let out a deep sigh as she rubbed the back of her neck. Right she couldn't lay here all day she had to--- OH crap! the wedding! She hadn't even told Whisper yet hell she didn't even know if she was going to go! She should do that, and if she didn't go? Well maybe she'd drag Belle along it might do her good to get out of that work shop even for a little bit.

" So Whisp... Uhh i know we talked about watchin' the fireworks an stuff tomorrow night, and i still wanna do that! But umm, I got this friend, an she's gettin' married. Like kinda only told me today... that girls either forgetful or insane probably both. "

She chuckled thinking about Carol having to get dolled up she was probably all kinds of stressed.

" Anyway! Point is i want you to come with me! i'd love you to meet her and, i sure as heckie dun wanna go by lonesome..."

She could already see Whisper's apprehension as she looked away from her and toward the Window. She never did great with public places she still was very skittish and, shy by nature. She did hope she would go but with Whisper she never knew what to expect from her. Still if anyone was to be her plus one it had to be whisper right? no one else fit that bill they were... weren't they? sometimes it was hard for her to tell if they were friends or lovers...

Whisper huffed and looked as if she didn't want anything to do with it, yet her wisps had other ideas. Whirling around her making those cute sing song sounds, and she seemed to groan more like a mother being force to go someplace she didn't want to. She finally turned to tangle and nodded her head, but also posed a question using sign language to speak. She did so very slowly knowing Tangle wasn't good at it yet she was still learning.

✋ Ok, we need outfits. I don't exactly have much beyond my sneak suit. ✋

" You will? ok ok! don't worry Amy gave me this number of a friend of hers! she said she'd hook us up! Eeee! thanks whisper! "

She gave the wolf a Hug, and squeezed her tight! Gaia she loved this girl!

✋ Cyan is asking if they can come... they want to know what a ... wedding is...✋

" I'm sure it'll be fine! Not like they eat or anything right? besides! i'm sure Carol will love to meet literal aliens from outer space! hehe! i'll ask her to be safe. Just you all better be good, during the ceremony gotta be super quite and well behaved! "

Whistles a somber tune at Tangle

Whistles a cheerful tune at Tangle

hums a ditty at Tangle

Just Stares at Tangle!

Flies over and pokes tangle on her nose! and whistles a tune!

✋ They say alright, but are wondering how you will sit through a ceremony ✋

" Ouch... that burn though... fair points we'll be good together yea? ok i'll send Carol a quick text and we'll go see about those outfits! "

[katie-writes24]

Standing Right In Front Of You

Pairings: Alexander Hamilton x reader, Thomas Jefferson x reader

Warnings: a complete VENT, indecisive reader, kinda fluffy in the end, the reader is l o n g i n g, but overall sad and unfair :(, mean girl Eliza if you think about it

OKAY! So, I had a thought the other day, since I’m a total sucker for the Alex vs Thomas fics, because truly, I love them both. So, I thought: let me make a fic where you could really choose who you, as the reader, want to be shipped with? Or, even better, can be BOTH! I hope that makes sense, because despite not having a real ending, I left it open so you can choose which man you want to go for, even though both are shown to have feelings for the reader? Okay, anyway, next thing. Where am I to ever figure out a plot for this fic, you ask? Well...I totally based this off an episode of The Office. I have NO regrets! DM me if you know what episode this if from hehe! Okay, sorry I’m rambling, enjoy! I love feedback, and let me know if you wanna be tagged!

The party was in full swing; with the sun setting and various kinds of alcohol being passed around, everyone was warm and giddy. People were dancing in the middle of the room, others were sitting at tables laughing. The top lights had been dimmed and replaced with flashing lights of different colors near the stage.

It was definitely a kind of party that Y/N wasn't used to.

Once the ceremony was over, they had moved inside and she hadn't left her seat since. John had left to go dance and Anjelica only came to talk to her every once in a while. Currently, Y/N was sipping on her straw and watching the crowd in front of her.

She was lost in her own thoughts and when she heard the chair beside her scrape across the tile floor, she jumped in her seat.

"Some party, huh?" Alexander sat and looked across the room before lookign at Y/N.

"Yeah, it's uh...it's nice," She shrugged and sat up in her chair, suddenly becoming nervous from the man being so close to her.

"I bet you twenty bucks that John ends up bellyflopping on a table," Alexander smirked as he watched his friend do shots with Hercules and Lafayette.

Y/N scoffed, "I bet you double that the three musketeers try and steal the swan over there."

They both laughed as Lafayette looked suspiciously at the ice sculpture in the corner, whispering to John and pointing accusingly.

"You know what, I don't doubt that," Alexander folded his hands behind his head as he leaned back. "So, when are we going to see those dance moves? A little birdie told me that you can swing pretty good."

Y/N rolled her eyes, "Whoever told you that was a liar, I've never danced in my life." Alexander obviously wasn't buying the lie as he looked up at the ceiling and groaned.

"That's not true, I know you can at least do a shimmy!" Alexander raised a brow teasingly as she gave a glare.

"That's what you want to see? A shimmy? How classy." Y/N tossed her hair over her shoulder and ducked her head, oblivious to the way Alexander was looking her up and down adoringly.

"So, I was thinking-" Alexander was cut short by the burst of excitement from Eliza, who wrapped her arms around his shoulders and giggled.

"I am loving this venue," Her eyes were lit up in excitement, Y/N always wish she had her attitude of constant positivity and bliss. "I'm so glad we got to come!"

Alexander looked up at her with a soft smile, caressing her arm with his hand. He looked peaceful, looked at Eliza with adoration. Something lovingly.

Something Y/N would never have with him.

"You know this could fit maybe another fifty people, Alex? It would be a perfect place to hold another wedding don't you think?" Eliza rambled on and on and Y/N had to sip on her drink in order to keep her mouth shut. She couldn't stand that they were talking about their hypothetical wedding in front of her, not that they could know that it bothered her that much. They couldn't understand that Y/N was pained every time they kissed, or every time they called each other cute pet names. They didn't understand that she aches for Alexander and his warm hands and witty smile.

They didn't understand that she craved something she could never have.

Before they could talk about their future even more (if she heard the names of their children, she might explode), Aaron came over and clapped Alexander on the shoulder. Eliza gave him a hug and a wide smile.

"Glad you could all make it," Aaron smiled and kissed the top of Y/N's head.

"Congratulations, Aaron! This really is a beautiful set up!" Eliza smiled at him as Y/N put her drink down.

"Yeah? I thought it would be too much, but this is what Theo wanted, and if it makes her happy, then I'm happy." It was so sappy that Y/N wanted to punch him in the face.

Screw everyone being in love and happy, I want that, too.

An upbeat song started playing and Eliza gasped, "I love this song! Alex, babe, come dance with me!" She took his hand and pulled him to the dance floor. Alexander went easily, smiling at Eliza with such passion.

Y/N had to admit, she had never seen Alexander happier than now. Ever since the two started dating, he smiled more and was high spirited, he even took days off from work, could you imagine?

She must of had a somber look on her face because Aaron placed a hand on her shoulder and looked down at her with a sympathetic look in his eyes. "You okay?"

Y/N nodded, "I'm fine..."

Aaron pursed his lips, but nodded nonetheless. He knew about her feelings, at least that's what he thought it was. To Y/N, it was something that grew incredibly.

She used to only imagine what his lips would feel like, imagined what it would be like with his arm around her shoulder. Now, she imagined how he would look in the morning, when the sun would wrap around his skin. She imagined if he would whisper to her late at night, when the world was quiet. She imagined what he was like when he just came back from work, if he would be all grumpy, or if he'd want to take a shower, or if he'd just wrap his hands around her waist and give her a kiss on the neck and tell her about his day.

But she didn't tell anybody that, of course not. Because it didn't matter. He probably did all those things with Eliza anyway.

"Well, I'm gonna give Laurens some water before he knocks something expensive over," Aaron tapped the chair and went to walk away, but Y/N called his name.

"Congratulations, I'm really happy for you," She smiled and he returned it before walking away.

The song switched to something slow and Y/N kept her eyes on her cup, refusing to look up because she knew her eyes would land on Alexander holding Eliza close as they swayed slowly.

Yet, temptation fought her, and the moment she looked up she saw them. Alexander was resting his cheek against Eliza's, whispering something in her ear. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck and their bodies were closer than imagined.

Moments passed and she was still watching them, a mix of envy and guilt resting in her chest. Suddenly, Alexander's gaze found hers and she quickly looked away, pretending like nothing happened.

Footsteps approached her and she saw Thomas walk over, waving softly. "There you are,"

"Hey, Thomas," She sighed, hoping that he didn't notice the way her mood changed, how she was totally different than earlier that afternoon, when they talked in the courtyard briefly, his smart charm making her laugh.

"Well, don't sound so excited to see me," He raised a brow and sat in the chair Alexander had previously been in.

"No, sorry...just- it wasn't at you," Y/N rubbed her temples and sighed again, looking up at him and giving a half smile. "Sorry."

"No worries," Thomas smirks and lays his arm on the back of her chair. "Nice ceremony, huh?"

"Yeah, it was beautiful," She never been to a beach wedding before, and while she didn't appreciate the sand in her shoes, she liked the fresh air. She wouldn't mind having a beach wedding one day, if she found someone who she could spend the rest of her life with, someone who appreciates her and listens and laughs with her and loves her.

Once again, her eyes fall on Alexander, and she pushes the thoughts away.

Thomas follows her eyes and clears his throat, "You want to dance?" He holds out his hand, and Y/N is hesitant before she takes it.

He has big hands, promising hands. They hold her own with such care, and as he lead them to the dance floor, his grip staying the same.

Thomas wrapped one arm around her waist and held her own hand with his other. Y/N held onto the back of his shoulder with her free hand, and for a while they just held each other close.

Y/N could feel his breath near her ear, his fingers finally intertwining with hers. It made her stomach flip, not used to such affection. She leaned against him and laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

It was peaceful.

While others around them danced in a soft sway, they moved slowly in a circle, more focused on each other's warmth than the actual dance. As Y/N buried her face into his neck, she could hear him swallow. She hoped he was feeling what she was feeling.

Seconds passed, maybe minutes or hours, she couldn't tell, too lost in the tempo of the song in the background mixed with the safe feeling she had. Suddenly, Thomas was pulling back, licking his lips and looking at her with soft eyes.

"Y/N, do you want to get out of here?" He asked nervously, she'd never heard him sound so shaky. Looking into those dark orbs, she knew that he held promise, of what, she didn't know yet. But, she'd like to find out.

"Yeah," Y/N whispered and he nodded firmly. He took their untwined hands and lead them back to her table, gathering her purse and saying goodbye to the others at the table. As they headed for the door, she looked back to the dance floor to find Alexander looking back at her.

It made her pause; he looked unsure, eyebrows raised and mouth parted slightly.

Y/N would like to think that one day, he would try. He would stop distracting himself with work and worrying about what's next. He would sit down and have an honest conversation about them and that he would let her see that vulnerability that he hides so well. She'd like to think that they would be the one dancing right now, or even the ones sneaking out.

It was too late.

She mentally shook herself as she blinked, looking away and walking out of the reception, the look of what seemed to be heartbreak on Alexander's face.

Let me know if you want to be tagged!!!!

@notebookgirl30 @dontblinkumightmiss @companionjones @tinywhim @checkurwindow @21bruhs

[hansols-yoda-boxers]

In Bloom - Part 3

Plant Monster!Yunho x Female Reader x Water Nymph!Yeosang

Word Count: 4991

Contents: accidentally suggesting a threesome, threesome, vines and vine bondage, aphrodisiac pollen, powers that manipulate sensation what even is this, breast play, hand job, clit stimulation with fingers, oral (male and female giving and receiving), unprotected sex

Notes: @lustjoong ahhhh it’s f i n a l l y done lmao. I hope everyone likes it and I hope you really enjoy the wrap up tho I could write more who knows hehe

Prequel | Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

What Yunho’s Flowers Look Like

Getting to know Yeosang was a slow process. The rain of the monsoon season gave way to the heat of late summer and then the crisp days of early fall as you spent more and more time with the two. Yeosang spent more and more time with you when you visited, talking to you and telling you small things about himself.

Yunho seemed happy that the two of you got along. More and more you realized he had been nervous, having you around but not knowing about Yeosang. They were close and the fact that the two of you got along as well as you did helped ease his mind.

It did mean, of course, that Yunho and you had a bit less sex. Neither of you wanted to kick Yeosang out, you enjoyed his company. But you also both got a little antsy, particularly when one of you was already needy and Yeosang peeked in on you before anything could actually happen.

And so, maybe it was unsurprising that some days the second you found your way to Yunho’s little home he’d grab you and kiss you hard, leaving no time for talking. Other days as you sat and talked with him and Yeosang, he’d pull you into his lap and start kissing your shoulders or nuzzling against you and wrapping you in vines until Yeosang made some sort of excuse and jumped back into the water, leaving the two of you alone.

Today, you had a feeling, might be one of the latter. As you made it to the pond Yeosang peeked out at you, eyes glinting and voice calling your name softly. You felt bad that it made your heart sink just a little to see him. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him, but that you were hoping to make it to Yunho first. You could of course just tell him to leave but you didn’t want to, despite his quiet nature he seemed eager to get to know you and happy to have someone else to talk to and it warmed your heart.

“There are ways for… you, to come underwater?” Yeosang asked as he swam along beside you and you followed the water towards Yunho’s home.

“I mean I could just swim,” you chuckled.

“Ah no. Can you… how do you breathe?”

“Oh,” you hummed. “Yeah no I can’t breath underwater.” You listened to Yeosang’s quiet chuckle. “I mean, if I could get my hands on some scuba gear,” you mused.

You caught Yeosang’s eye. He had a smile on his face and a hopeful expression and you couldn’t help the way it made your heart swell.

“I- I don’t know if I can though,” his smile faltered. “But i-if I figure it out I will. I promise.”

“Ah,” he thought for a moment before speaking again. “I want to show you underwater.”

“You do?” you should have guessed that was what he was getting at, but some part of it still surprised you.

“Yes,” he hummed. “I think you would like it.”

A smile tugged at your lips as you gazed at him, though the foliage grew up around you and grew darker. You knew now that you were close to Yunho’s home as it always got the thickest before where he lived. You wondered how many of the workers had been in this deep.

“What are you thinking?” Yeosang seemed to know you were contemplating something.

“I- do people know about Yunho’s home? Do people know about yours?”

“Not many know me,” he said simply. “I can… hide well. I think… only a few know of here.”

“I’m glad you two have each other,” you said quietly. “Otherwise it would be too lonely.”

Yeosang let out a laugh, though one too sad in tone. “It is still lonely. Less lonely, but it is lonely.” He said. “I miss…”

You glanced at him in the darkness, knowing that soon enough it would lift as you found the clearing, but he seemed almost lost in memory. You bit on your lip, unsure if you should say anything but as the silence stretched out, deciding it would be best to.

“What do you miss?”

Yeosang blinked a few times before gazing up at you, mumbling something too quietly for you to hear before shaking his head as you pushed past the last few large leaves.

“It does not matter,” he smiled at you. “We are here. I will meet you inside?”

“Okay…” your word trailed off as he dove down into the water. You did yearn to know more about him, but now seemed not to be the time. Both Yunho and Yeosang could be quiet and secretive about their pasts and you were sure there would be a lot you didn’t understand. You just worried, sometimes they seemed so somber and you wished you could help somehow.

“Oh thank gosh!” As soon as you pushed through the door Yunho wrapped you in vines and pulled you closer quickly. You didn’t manage to get a word out before he was kissing you and you couldn’t help the smile it brought to your lips. Your fingers found a vine and you dragged your nails over it lightly, drawing a small whine from Yunho’s lips but managing to get his attention.

“Is tha-”

“Yeosang is coming.”

“Agh!” Yunho plopped down into the soft moss, bringing you down into his lap. “Okay but if I just start making out with you-”

“Yunho, he’s always so excited to hang out with us,” you chided.

Yunho buried his face in your neck. “Is it bad that I just really wanna have sex with my girlfriend?”

Even in your surprise you couldn’t help the way you smiled and your cheeks warmed at his somewhat sudden confession.

“Not that- I mean I know it’s not- this isn’t really- I haven’t-”

You quieted his nervous babbles with a kiss. “I know it’s complicated, but I’ve already been thinking of you as my boyfriend anyway.” You hummed.

Yunho kissed you again, pulling you to face him. “Can I kick him out now so we can celebrate?”

“We can celebrate later,” you hummed. “And I know you’ll want to tell him.”

As if on cue Yeosang made his way through the door, wrapped in a large, soft sweater. You always wondered how he dried off so fast but you had yet to question it and you had a feeling it was another answer you might not understand.

“I have a girlfriend!” As you expected, Yunho couldn’t keep the news in as he squeezed you in his arms. Yeosang’s face broke into a smile, though there was something nervous behind it as he sat in the moss with the two of you.

“I am glad you finally asked.” He said.

“How long have you been thinking about that?” you questioned, watching the colour rise in Yunho’s cheeks.

“J-Just a while.”

“Over a month,” Yeosang corrected him. “I just…” he broke off into his own language.

Yunho’s face fell a little as he replied, resting his head on your shoulder as you listened to them, wondering if it was possible for you to learn it. You thought so, since they seemed to both make sounds like humans did. Maybe they would teach you.

“It’ll be fine,” Yunho finally said, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

“I hope…” Yeosang sounded sincere as he watched Yunho’s actions. “Should I…?”

“You don’t have to leave yet,” you said, though Yunho let out a small whine. “You just got here.”

“I think,” Yeosang looked between the two of you with a bemused smile. “Yunho would like you alone.”

You felt heat rush to your face. You hadn’t thought too much about it and he’d never mentioned anything about it before but it made sense that he knew you had sex. He usually just excused himself and the way he called it out a little more clearly had a flood of embarrassment rushing through you. Still you felt bad about the idea of kicking him out.

“You can stay.” You said. Yeosang chuckled and Yunho let out a muffled sound against your skin as you processed your words fully.

“I- I didn’t mean-” Yunho started to laugh and you smacked his arm as his laughter spread to Yeosang. “Shut up! You know that’s not what I meant!”

“I didn’t know you wanted Yeosang to watch, sweetheart,” Yunho teased. Yeosang added something and the two of them cracked up, tears in their eyes as they laughed.

You shoved Yunho despite not being able to move from his lap. “What did he say?”

“Something along the lines of ‘kinky.’” Yunho laughed, wiping tears from his eyes.

“You two are so mean,” you grumbled.

“You were the one who said it,” Yeosang teased.

“If that’s what you want you can say it,” Yunho laughed.

“I wouldn’t ask for that!” You cried. “That wouldn’t even be fair anyway, not unless he joined in.”

You should have known you were digging the hole deeper and yet somehow that slipped past you until Yunho cracked up even more and Yeosang looked at you with wide eyes.

“Would you really… suggest that?” he asked slowly.

“Has this been on your mind, sweetheart?” Yunho was still teasing you but you could feel the immense heat on your face as your mind started to wrap around the idea, unwilling to let it go.

“I-I- n-no.”

Surprise finally overtook Yunho’s expression as his giggles subsided. “Wait, are you actually serious?”

You wanted to hide in the wake of their surprised gazes and you curled in on yourself. “That wasn’t- You guys just- I-I mean it would be the only fair option, th-that’s all.”

Yunho was much gentler as he cupped your face and turned you to look at him. “Is that all you’re saying?”

Your head started to spin as you gazed back at Yeosang, taking in his curious stare and the way he leaned towards the two of you. Then back to Yunho, feeling somehow helpless and nervous at the prospect of it and yet, with shivers rushing down your spine from the idea of it.

“I-I- Couldn’t it be fun?” You finally said, feeling small.

Yunho looked up at Yeosang, colour rising in his cheeks as he spoke to him quickly, a nervous grin tugging at his lips. You hid your face in Yunho’s chest as they talked but you heard Yeosang shifting closer and your heart was pounding in your ears as different ideas, different images all started to rush into your mind. 

You felt Yunho’s hand slip under your chin, finally lifting your face to look up. You followed their gaze upwards to the flowers along the ceiling. They bloomed slowly and what looked like fine, yellow pollen started to fall from his flowers. Your eyelids fluttered as the scent hit your nose and you breathed it in.

“What is that?” you hummed, relaxing against Yunho.

“It will… help us to not be awkward,” he replied before pressing a kiss to your jaw. Yeosang murmured something as he shifted a little closer, looking between the two of you with more intensity now.

“I’ve found it can,” Yunho’s voice was low as he murmured against your jaw and a rush of arousal ran through you. “Help turn people on.”

You let your hand fall into the moss as you finally met Yunho’s lips. Yeosang’s fingers found yours and you sighed against Yunho’s lips at the calm feeling that washed over you at his touch, a cool, refreshing feeling rolling through your body. Yeosang pressed his lips to the base of your neck, kissing you slowly and drawing his fingers in shapes over your skin that left a cool feeling in their wake.

Yeosang whined against your shoulder, murmuring something to Yunho who broke your kiss to answer. You gazed at Yeosang and a grin tugged at your lips when you saw the way his body was wrapped in Yunho’s vines just as you were, pulling him closer.

Yunho caught your lips again, his tongue pressing past them and the kisses growing deeper and sloppier. You let your free hand slip up and tangle into his hair. Yeosang’s fingers started to trail up your arm as his lips kissed slowly along your collarbone. His fingers moved until they met the strap of your shirt, next to his lips. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before pulling the strap down slowly, pulling your bra strap with it.

Yunho’s lips moved down to kiss along your jaw and you felt him smile as a vine curled around your other shirt strap, pulling it off your shoulder as well. His lips trailed down your neck slowly, stopping to suck at your skin and leave marks in their wake. You let your eyes flutter shut as you breathed deeply, though your heart was starting to race and butterflies tickled your stomach as they kissed lower, closer and closer to revealing your chest.

Not like Yunho hadn’t seen you naked dozens of times. That itself didn’t make you nervous. Maybe Yeosang did a little but if anything, it was suddenly having both of them focusing on you making you shy as they kissed down your body. Your breathing seemed to pick up on it’s own and you gripped Yunho’s hair just a little tighter.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, as if on cue. You peeked down to find him giving you a sweet smile before kissing along the top of your breast gently. You felt Yeosang’s hand slip into yours, fingers entwining and the feeling of calm washed over you again as he murmured “So beautiful” against your skin.

You let out a deep sigh, relaxing more as they pushed the cups of your bra down gently, Yunho letting out a quiet hum while Yeosang let out a low groan. You bit down on your lower lip as Yeosang ran his tongue over your nipple gently. Yunho kissed back up your neck and jaw as a thin vine curled around your body and then around your breast.

A whimper slipped past your lips as the vine wrapped around your nipple and tugged gently. Yunho’s lips found yours and he grinned into the kisses as you let out small whimpers and moans.

You let your hand fall from his hair and slip down his chest as you shifted a little in his lap. You let your hand purposely slow as you moved down his lower stomach, listening to his breath hitch and feeling him shift his hips. Your hand finally made it into his lap and you slowly started to palm him through his pants.

Yeosang let out a small whimper around your nipple and you pulled your hand away from his, feeling along his thighs and feeling the way heat rushed to your face and between your legs as you felt how hard he was. Some amount of confidence started to seep into you as both of them moaned and pressed into your hands.

You dragged Yunho’s bottom lip between yours as you pulled back from the kiss, smirking at the lust filled look in his eyes. You both gazed at Yeosang, his expression hazy and desperate and his lips still wrapped around your nipple. Yunho brought his lips to your neck as you moved your hands to the waist of his pants, moving out of his lap gently and slipping his pants down past his hips. His moans grew whiner as you turned to Yeosang, slipping him out of his pants as well before wrapping a hand around each of their cocks.

Both of them let out beautiful moans as you started to pump them and tease the tips of their cocks, their sounds muffled against your skin. Yunho’s fingers slid along your thighs and you parted them for him, feeling his vine wrap just a little tighter around your nipple as he groaned against your neck, his fingers easily pushing into your pants and between your legs.

You let out a moan as his fingers dragged through your folds, gathering your arousal before teasing your clit slowly. Sparks of pleasure ignited within you and you started to slip into desperation, pumping each of them a little faster and letting your head fall back as you rocked your hips down, following the movements of Yunho’s fingers. 

Moans fell from all of your lips as you each moved your hips, desperate for more contact, more sensation. Yunho’s and Yeosang’s moans were muffled against your skin but each of yours had them bucking into your hands and groaning against you. You heard Yeosang’s moans grow whiny as his lips started to move up your chest until he could nip at your ear.

“Please,” he hummed. “More.”

Heat rushed through you and you let out a low moan at his words and all of Yunho’s vines wrapped you both a little tighter as he raised his gaze, heated and lust filled as he regarded Yeosang before pressing a kiss under your ear.

“I agree,” Yunho murmured smoothly. “Let’s move on.”

You bit down on your lip and nodded, feeling his vines shift on you before he was gripping at your shirt to pull it off and Yeosang’s hand was sliding up your back to undo your bra. You sighed at the feeling of their fingertips on your skin, moving lightly but you were already sensitive enough for it to add to your arousal.

Yunho’s hands travelled down to your hips, properly pulling off your pants as Yeosang pressed kisses along your shoulders and his fingertips came up to play with your nipples, sending a cool feeling rushing through you as pleasure sparked within your body. Your heavily lidded gaze slipped down to Yunho, fingers pushing your thighs apart and smirking up at you. You leaned back into Yeosang and spread your legs a little wider for him, letting out small gasps as his tongue licked at your folds and over your clit.

A few whimpers fell from your lips but they were short lived as Yunho pulled away, his gaze meeting Yeosang’s over your shoulder. He spoke quickly to him as you squirmed, feeling impatient for more and he soothed you, rubbing his hand comfortingly over your thigh until he started to chuckle.

You looked back at Yeosang to see him blushing, seeming to stumble a little over his words but a nervous grin tugging at his lips. You looked between the two of them until Yeosang was nodding and moving away from you whined at the loss of contact, a pout jutting out your lower lip. Yeosang and Yunho slipped off their pants fully and Yeosang his sweater as Yunho grinned at you.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Yunho hummed. “Lay down for me.”

You laid back in the soft moss and a squeal fell from your lips as Yuhno flipped you onto your side quickly. You caught the smirk on his face as he rolled onto his side and shifted between your legs, wrapping you in vines to keep you steady. Your eyes met Yeosang’s catching the desperate, heated look he wore as he laid down too and you finally caught onto Yunho’s idea.

As Yeosang moved his hips towards you, you reached out and wrapped your hand around his cock, urging him closer to you. He let out a low moan as you took the tip of his cock into your mouth, vines wrapping around him as well and Yunho sucking your clit between his lips to draw a moan from you.

You peeked at Yeosang, savouring his pants and moans as he moved a little closer to Yunho, colour tinting his cheeks and gaze hazy as he took Yunho’s cock into his mouth and Yunho groaned against your core, sending vibrations of pleasure shooting through you.

You moaned and let your eyes fall closed, trying to focus your mind on teasing the underside of Yeosang’s cock with your tongue, the way he rocked his hips into your mouth and moaned around Yunho. Your hand moved slowly on the base of his cock, twisting slightly and finally taking more of him into your mouth.

Yunho’s tongue dragged through your folds, growing more feverish as Yeosang sucked him off. He focused his attention on your sensitive clit, running his tongue over it just the way you liked and gripping your hips tightly as they tried the buck and roll against his face, desire burning bright inside you.

Pleasure sparked through you, the flame burning hotter and hotter by the second. Yunho’s tongue knew you too well by now and he had you coming undone for him far too fast, thighs trembling slightly as your hips moved against his face in a plea for more, moans muffled by the cock between your lips.

You let out soft curses and moans around Yeosang as you took him as deeply as you could into your mouth, sucking him off quickly. His and Yunho’s moans only served to turn you on more, mind spinning and body burning as you started to climb towards your edge, your free hand gripping Yeosang’s hip tightly.

Yunho let his tongue dip into your heat, unable to stop himself from groaning at your taste and hips bucking into Yeosang’s mouth, drawing a whimper from the nymph, his hips bucking gently towards you as you hollowed your cheeks around him.

You heard Yunho curse between your legs before running his tongue over your clit and sucking it between his lips. Each of you bucked and rolled your hips into the others mouths, letting out muffled moans, Yunho’s hands and vines holding your tightly as a nearby flower burst open.

Yunho let out a beautiful moan against you and Yeosang a muffled whine as Yunho released into his mouth, bucking and thrusting as he came. He let out a few pants against you before sucking your clit between his lips harshly.

You cried out around Yeosang’s cock as you came. Your release crashed over you and your thighs squeezed in around his head as you rolled your hips and rode out your high on his tongue. The sensations sucked you under into bliss, panting and whimpering as sensitivity took over your body.

Yunho sat up slowly, pulling you up along with him and kissing you deeply. Arousal rushed through you at your own taste on his lips and as you heard Yeosang’s whine, you reached out behind yourself, finding his hand and pulling him a little closer. He sat up shakily, kissing up your neck and moving up your check until you shifted to kiss him, moaning quietly at the taste of Yunho’s cum on his lips, fingers tugging at Yunho’s hair.

“Yunho, lay down for me,” you hummed, a thought forming in your hazy head. Yunho regarded you curiously before doing what you asked. You pulled Yeosang with you as you moved around until you were between Yunho’s legs. You gave him a smirk as you wrapped your hand around his cock and kissed the tip, then lifted your hips at the air, gazing back over your shoulder at Yeosang and wiggling your hips.

“You haven’t cum get, Yeosang.”

Yeosang said something, and despite you not knowing the word you were sure it was a curse as he moved behind you, groaning as he ground his cock against your ass and his hands found your hips. You pressed back against him as your eyes met Yunho’s and he groaned, taking in the sight and already sensitive as you started to tease his cock with your tongue.

Yeosang guided his cock into you slowly, letting a beautiful deep moan fall from his lips as he sunk his cock into you. You let out a moan and Yunho’s fingers threaded into your hair, vines curled up your arms and small flowers blooming on them as he guided your mouth onto his cock, heat burning in his intense gaze.

Yeosang pulled his hips back before thrusting into you and your thighs trembled as you moaned around Yunho���s cock, eyes fluttering shut as pleasure rushing through your body. Yunho let out a breathy chuckle.

“You look so fucked out already, sweetheart,” he teased. “You need to make sure you moan loud enough to let him know.”

Yunho spoke to Yeosang and the way they spoke, the deep tones of their voices made your head spin and had you clenching around Yeosang as you hollowed your cheeks around Yunho and his hand pushed your head down just a little more on his cock.

Yeosang’s pace picked up, thrusts becoming rougher. The pleasure in your core mixed with a cool, intense feeling rushing through you from his touch. The sensation had you trembling as Yunho started to rock up into your mouth. A sweet smell surrounded you again as more pollen fell around all of you and each of you moaned, arousal rushing through you.

Yeosang began to snap his hips into you, chasing the high that had already been close at hand. His movements pushed you forward onto Yunho’s cock and you relaxed your jaw as much as you could, taking him deeper into your mouth as you did your best to suck him off. You heard Yeosang’s voice, breathy and low as your name fell off his lips over and over like a mantra. Your movements on Yunho’s cock grew more messy but he didn’t seem to mind, guiding your head and letting out groans. Drool started to slip from the corners of your mouth and your body shook.

Pleasure rushed through you and you felt Yunho’s vines curl around you tightly. Each thrust into your heat was like a wave of pleasure taking over you and had you pressing your hips back messily for more. The coil inside you curled tighter and tighter as Yunho bucked up into your mouth. You felt vines curl around your nipples and tug them, far more harshly than earlier and nearly overwhelming you with sensations.

You clenched around Yeosang, shaking and moaning so incredibly close to your edge again. Yeosang’s hips snapped into you roughly, beautiful sounds falling off of his lips and grip on your hips tight. Each deep, quick movement building until your eyes rolled back and fluttered shut from the pleasure as you moaned out around Yunho’s cock. 

Yeosang pulled out fully, pumping his cock over your back as he let out gorgeous low moans. His cum landed on your ass, dripping down and slipping down to the small of your back, a calming feeling soaking into you from his release. He collapsed into the soft moss beside you, panting.

Yunho was quick to flip you onto your back, drawing a gasp from your lips as your needy gaze caught his. His lips crashed against yours as he wedged himself between your legs and sunk his cock into your heat, both of you on the edge of cumming again.

His hips snapped against yours as he moaned against your lips, and your fingers dug into the soft moss beneath you as pleasure rushed through you from each of his rough thrusts. The coil in your core curled impossibly tight as you built closer and closer to your peek, thighs shaking and squeezing around Yunho’s waist.

You felt Yeosang’s fingers touch yours. His lips pressed lazily against your shoulder as his panting slowly calmed. He pulled your hand from the moss and laced his fingers with yours again. A small whine left his lips as he sent a rush of sensation through your body, refreshing and cool and at the same time extremely arousing.

Your back arched off the ground below as you cried out. You clenched hard around Yunho as you came. Your eyes squeezed shut and stars burst in your vision and you felt dizzy as you body shook hard. Pleasure crashed over you in a wave as your orgasm reached every inch of your body, sensations rushing through you to your fingertips and toes and the feeling dragging out, your body continuing to cum as Yunho snapped his hips into you and your cries turned to screams.

 Yunho let out low moans and his hips grew sloppy as he fucked you through your orgasm, his own thighs trembling from the effort but his hips not letting up as his lips fell against your neck, your name falling off his lips over and over.

As you started to come down your entire body trembled. Yunho’s hips stuttered to a stop as he released inside you and let out a loud moan, holding you as tight as he could. His breaths came out shaky as he ground against you shallowly until he’s finished riding out his high.

Yunho’s body was trembling as he pulled out of you before collapsing into the moss on your other side, panting heavily and reaching out for your hand. You laced your fingers with his and squeezed both of their hands.

“That was so good,” you breathed.

“I see now why you both… often kick me out,” Yeosang hummed. You felt heat rush to your face but Yeosang let out a chuckle and squeezed your hand. “Do not worry, I will not join in every time.”

“I don’t think she’d mind if you did,” Yunho laughed, though it was cut short, morphing into a groan as you kneed him in the thigh.

“I’m not the only one,” you let your head fall to the side and took in the pink on his cheeks and the sheepish grin on his lips. “I wasn’t the only one enjoying myself.”

“Then,” You turned your head and your heart melted a little at the deep blush on his cheeks. “May I join you… sometimes?”

Yunho rolled onto his side, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “I think so,” he hummed.

“Absolutely,” you smiled, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.

[eatfishies]

champagne problems

summary: “Your mom’s ring in your pocket, my picture in your wallet, your heart was glass, I dropped it. Champagne problems.” note: features time skip! kageyama. all characters in the present timeline is 21+. slight spoilers from the manga. fem! reader. she/her pronouns. song: champagne problems by taylor swift word count: 1,800 words warnings: alchohol use genre: angst arthie’s note: a fic for the capricorn baby ~~ happy birthday kags!! initially i didn’t plan this out however i’ve been listening to taylor’s new album on repeat and one of my favs from her album is the song “champagne problems” hence the title *wink wink* anyways, this is rlly sad and i hope all of you like this as much as i like writing it hehe ~~ ♡(｡- ω -) ↳ main masterlist ⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆ Hugging herself tightly, clutching onto the thick jacket to shield herself from the chilliness, watching as the pearly white snow cascade onto the wooden floor, evaporating into liquid. “Y/n?” He calls out making her head turned, gazing at him fondly. He walked towards her, handing a glass of champagne which she thanked for the gesture. They both indulged in the alcoholic drink as they watch the snowfield scenery before them. It was Christmas Eve and they just had gone and celebrate Kageyama’s 24th birthday. After bidding farewells to their guests, the couple took the time to unwind outside their rented vacation home, sitting atop of the snowy mountain. Kageyama had insisted to stay here for a few weeks until Christmas or possibly till New Year’s. Now that they had the house all to themselves, he couldn’t help but feel more anxious as time goes by, side-eyeing his lover who seemed to be immersed on admiring the beautiful frosty landscape from a distance.

He had memorized the details of his properly thought-out plan, wishing all of his luck that nothing ruins it. God, knows how long he spent dwelling over it and fretting about the worst possible outcomes that could come out of this. However, his friends had reassured him multiple times that it would go as smoothly as he hopes it to be. Feeling the presence beside him made him fully aware of how in awe he is with her, his ethereal partner who is ever-so kind, thoughtful, supportive, patient and understanding of every part of him. She even knows how to manage his short-temper and often gives him space whenever he needed it. Looking back on their relationship definitely confirmed of how utterly in love he is with her. Shaking his head, quickly diminishing any thoughts that would turn into a session of overthinking— he gently intertwines their fingers together, the cold emitting off of her as she blinks at him innocently. “Babe, are you okay?” She asked, concerned underneath her tired, soft voice. He gave her a small smile, gripping her hand to assure her, “I just feel lucky to have you.” That caused her to broke into fits of laughter, he furrowed his brows. “What’s so funny about me confessing what I truly feel?” She can hear the tiny hurt evident in his voice. She cooed, caressing his cheek, “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just.. so weird of you to suddenly make a proclaim that you love me when you’re usually so standoffish.” He averted his gaze, pondering over her words. Quickly sensing that he might go into overthinking mode, she held his face, staring into his crystal azure eyes. “Kageyama Tobio.” She started off, watching him gape at her. “You are the most loving person ever. It doesn’t matter that you don’t often express your emotions but your actions speaks louder than those words. So please, don’t be sadden over what I said. It’s a part of you that made me love you and I don’t mind that at all. In fact; I love every single thing about you.” Hearing those affirmations made his heart sparked with elation, gingerly bringing their faces close as he tasted her lips that escalated into something more as he drowns himself in her love with the tang of champagne filling up his mouth every time he kissed her. He’s so desperately, maddeningly, in love with her. ⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆ The bright sun peeked beneath the curtains, signalling them to wake and start their day. He awoken to a pair of arms wrapped around him, soft breathing from his lover as she sleeps peacefully. He smiled, gleeful of her declaration and what the future has in store for the both of them. Carefully removing himself from her embrace, he walked towards the kitchen, preparing them both breakfast before heading out. They took the train to visit their families, beaming at everyone and its cheerful atmosphere that makes him feel warm. He recalls the moment he told his family about his “plan”, they were all thrilled and couldn’t wait to hear the news. Her family had been delighted as well, noting that they were both good for each other and is a perfect couple. Knowing that he has permission to make his move, he feels himself getting more eager to execute his plan. The reunion with families had left him content and all of the anxiousness is slowly dissipating away as they strolled around the park, stopping at the middle where a massive Christmas tree was placed, decorated with glimmering ornaments and festive lights all around. It makes the ambience more fitting with what he’s about to do. Throughout the entire day, he had observed his partner, imprinting her facial expressions into his mind and the way she communicates. Kageyama has always been observant— he just paid extra attention to his lover than anything else (except volleyball). He knew she is the one when she didn’t fuss or get annoyed with his obsession over volleyball even if his career comes first, she never minded and persuaded him to go follow his dreams. He reciprocated that with her too; often checking on her to make sure that she doesn’t overwork herself and celebrated every milestone and promotions she achieved. He knew how important it is to her for her ambitions to come first; they’re both alike yet different in many ways which makes them work well together. Her eyes gazes at the bright lights, awe of the stunning decorations. He fidgets with the box inside his coat pocket, biting his lip as he tries to shake off the anxiety bubbling in the pit of his stomach. With his heart hammering against his chest, he bent down to one knee and pulls the box out of his pocket. Noticing his actions, she widened at the sight of him. He opens the box, revealing a dazzling gold ring. She covers her mouth, stunned. He exhaled, staring at her with so much honesty and love. “Y/n… we’ve been together for the past couple of years. You’ve stuck with me even through all the highs and lows. You comforted me during hard times and knows how to deal with my sensitive yet childish behaviours. You never once doubted my love for you and supported me through all of my endeavours. You were never upset with how ambitious I am for volleyball and always cheer for me throughout every game I’ve had. You made me the happiest person alive and God knows how much I love you with all my heart. I’m never one to rightfully express what I truly feel therefore here I am, pouring all of my feelings for you. With that being said, will you marry me?” Tears prickled on her eyes as she stared at the man whom she knew she loved… yet she doesn’t feel right by saying yes. With a shaky breath, she solemnly responds. “No.” Shocked upon her answer, he looked up at her in disbelief. Hurt plastered all across his face as he slowly stood up. He inched closer, “What do you mean… no?” He whispered, his voice brittle due to her statement as he can feel the void inside his chest. Breaking off the gaze, she closed her eyes shut. “I’m sorry Tobio but.. no. I can’t. I’m not ready for it.” She admitted, scared of his reaction as she gripped her jacket tightly. “I— you could’ve just told me. I would wait for you and—“ “No. Tobio just.. please don’t make this harder than it already is.” She cuts him off. “I’m sorry but I can never see myself being tied to someone.” He can feel the ache in his heart, “Even me?” He asked painfully. Finally opening her eyes, she nodded sullenly. “Yes.”  She gently holds his face, pulling him into a chaste kiss. “Goodbye, Tobio. I’m sorry.” With that, he lets her hand fall just like how she lets his heart shatter against the floor, as she disappears into the sea of strangers. The crowds bustling around him as he feel his heart broke into a thousand pieces. The ringing of his phone startled him from his stupor, he answered it without needing to check. “Mom.. she said no.” He breaks the news forlornly, allowing the tears that he held back stream down his cheeks as his chest ache dreadfully. The night had never seemed so dull for him as he lies his head against the train window, watching the constellations dim from blazing so brightly. He cried and cried until he couldn’t. He didn’t care if anybody stared at him sympathetically, all he knew and felt on this somber night is heartbreak, swallowing him whole as her crestfallen response plays in his head over and over again. He can tell from the moment he stepped inside their once-shared house that she had left and brought all of her belongings with her. Officially leaving him to wallow in his own sorrow. The box which the ring sits prettily at is tossed aside, he considers burning it or throwing it away but decided against it as the ring belongs to his mother whom got engaged with the said band.  A picture of her grinning happily as the wind blows her hair is tucked safely in his wallet, he glared at the memory before casting it into the fire, watching it burn and turn into dust. From that night— he closed himself off from everyone nor did he ever catch a sight of her again. It was as if she had vanished into thin air or perhaps she moved to a new country. He stored away all of the memories they had with each other into the back of his mind, never wanting to relive it. Years had flew by and he not once got an answer or a hint as to why she had so readily rejected his proposal. He long accepted their fate and the love they once shared was nothing but a memory of the past. She was just a stranger he used to loved. As he makes his way towards the figure standing in front of him, he smiled and bent down, reenacting the bitter scene yet again. His new lover sobbed happily as she joyfully accepted his proposal. Her picture in his wallet as he slips the ring onto her dainty finger, noting her wide grin. Little did he knew— his past lover is observing the scene from afar, smiling sadly at the exchange. She sighed, knowing that she deserved to be hated for what she did as she walks away, wishing them nothing but the best for their future.  Maybe someday, she can tell the tale of someone who was dear to her to her grandchildren and to never make the same mistake as she did. 

[kkulmoon]

SUNSET HEARTBEAT | KTH

pairing: Taehyung x Reader (f)

genre: fantasy au, hybrid au, sci-fi (?), fluff, angst

word count: 5.1k

rating: pg

a/n: ngl i feel like the beginning portion is a bit rusty, by rusty I mean it may feel a bit slow but pls give it a chance 🥺, I struggled to write that 😭. I am also tagging two very lovely people who were excited about this, hopefully you like it uwu @blossomkoo​ @inkedxclouds​. This fic is part of Bangtan Scenery’s collab ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers’, make sure to check out everyone else’s entries!

warnings: implied sex, other than that none, except for heartbreak and slight purple patches here and there cause I was in the mood hehe

beta read by: lovely angie @scvkjin​ and amazing emi @bangtiddies​ 💕 

synopsis: The time had come for the seventh sun to rise. For the seventh and last color in line to have its cycle. As one indigo supernova signified the coming of a purple nebula, you and Taehyung spent the remaining of your last day together creating something of your own. If it comes into fruition can only be known years in the future. A decade after you found someone unlike anyone. Truly one of a kind. Someone with a destiny they couldn’t outrun. It has been 10 years since the birth of a purple sun.

☁︎ masterlist ☁︎

It was in your final year of university, twelve years ago, that you met Taehyung. That same year you decided it was time to give up on the idea of becoming an astronomer. Quite frankly, you were just too dumb. However, it did not mean that you couldn't enjoy it all while living a life where pretending that you truly understood everything was your best bet, your only bet. They all say that interest and dedication trumps natural talent, right? For that same reason you decided to still attend as many astronomy lectures as possible even though you were studying to become an English teacher. You were always quiet and attentive so either the professors didn't notice you or let you be. Either way, what mattered was that you got to be there.

The first time the two of you interacted was a random weekday in April, near finals’ season. You were sitting at the back of the room as usual. The professor had handed out some papers to be passed back. A gold tinted hand with slender fingers, on which well groomed and shiny fingernails were present, reached out to you. You could all but wave away at the paper, trying your best to dismiss it. A pouty and confused expression was what you got as he continued to jab the paper onto your palm. You kept trying to mouth 'it's okay' but he was persistent. Not much of a purple characteristic but surely a sun one, now that you think about it. Finally you settled for a verbal response.

“I don't actually take this class, so really, i'm fine.”

He retreated his hand for a second, “Huh, don't we all wish that was true,” he said as he placed the paper on the small desk in front of you instead. “You've got this! We're almost done, hold in there.” You got a thumbs up before he turned back to focus on the class.

And every week from there on, whenever he got a short moment in class while the professor was writing on the board Taehyung would pester you with motivational notes filled with sayings. One particular somber April morning where you looked more tired than usual he even went as far as offering to help you with the class and your homework. You did your best to decline and yet that same night you got an email in your inbox that told you he obviously hadn't understood.

| Kim Taehyung     Chapter 15: Helpful Resources, (hang on there, you got this!) |

While you didn't take the class and had no official obligations to learn anything, you were still interested in astronomy so you decided to have a look. The links did clear up some questions you had during the lecture. However, you didn't want him to be wasting time helping a lost cause. As much as you loved reading about astronomy and learning about it, you were slow and having him help you was more than unnecessary. The definition of futile work. You decided to send him a screenshot of the official classes you were attending from the university's student portal. You made sure to censor your grades. He truly didn't need to think that you were any dumber, all he needed was proof that you weren't taking the class.

But once again, Taehyung's sun qualities shone through. Where it would have been expected for the person to drop the subject and for the two of you to go back to your habitual behaviour, he thought otherwise. He responded, but this time instead of answers he had questions, none of which you felt like answering so you left him on read. Well, the email version of read. You opened the email, read it, thought about answering it but ultimately left the email thread to die on the read pile.

A week went by. No Taehyung and you felt relieved. At least that's how you think you felt, the sleep deprivation might have been playing tricks on you. As yet another day came, where the indigo sun let its rays shine, Taehyung thought it better for him to act as the sun. You hadn't seen him in class, but it just turned out he changed his usual spot. He tried to catch you before you left the room but your daydreaming self was quick on her feet. He had a quick talk with the professor before he hurried to you.

“Hey!” The sound of sandals echoed against the cement floor. “Hey! You there!" 

You kept on walking, as far as you knew your name wasn’t you there'.  Someone grumbled behind you only to exclaim after a short while. 

“Y/N! Y/N! Hold up, I need to talk to you.” So in that case you were 'you there' and someone was Taehyung. 

You stopped walking and turned around. You couldn’t help but cock your head at him. You had only seen Taehyung from the torso up while in class. His attire surprised you for some reason. Maybe because he was a STEM student and you had expected him to look more uptight. He looked like one of the people from the pot dorm down your hallway.  Everything he wore was oversized except for the big knitted headband he had on now that he was outside. He looked devoid of colour with his muted clothes, but his cross body bag stood out with its patterned rainbow material.

"Yeah, what is it?" The quicker you could get it over with the better. However, Taehyung didn’t seem to agree with you on that aspect. He took his sweet time to fix the misplaced headband as you were left to witness the action. As much as you would have liked to categorise the scene as boring, it would have been a lie. His grey hair strands somehow managed to sparkle in the sun. They didn’t shine the normal way hair shines when light reflects on it. His hair literally sparkled as if it had recognised something familiar within the sun rays. But at the time you just thought you were being delusional or being tricked by the elements of his beauty.

"You didn't answer my email," he asked with curious eyes and an innocent tone. Right, that happened.

"Oh, that... uhm... I just haven't gotten the time to go through my email, things have been a bit hectic," you shot him a sympathetic smile.

Taehyung seemed like a pretty understanding person but he sure wasn’t dumb. You saw the way his tongue shifted to lick his lips as his teeth found their way onto his bottom lip. He trailed his hands on the strap of his bags as a pensive lip bite made adorned his features. Taehyung could have either been nervous or so irked by the bullshit you just spat at him that his body was reacting. Either way you felt bad for your white lie, but maybe not bad enough.

"It has been two weeks though," Taehyung stretches his back to stand straighter, "Also I take a chem class with Hoseok and you're always chatting in the gmail chat so..." 

What do you say to that? You lied and the worst part of it all was that you were caught right in the same moment. Your mouth opened and closed continuously as a hot flush made itself present on your ears and neck. You made note of the fact that Taehyung seems sweet but he actually packed a punch and was definitely ready to confront you on your bullshit. Classic STEM student approach, just face things head on. Thinking back at it, that was yet another instance in which his sun characteristics took the wheel. The sun's rays don't budge for anything or anyone and they certainly don't cave in to make others feel comfortable.

"Uhmm... right. But I am here now, so ask away!" Maybe your fake enthusiasm could make up for your little lie. Taehyung gave you a wondering look as he calculated  the pros and cons of continuing this conversation, You hoped the cons would win. 

“Uhmm, alright, fair enough,” He shrugged and the pros must have won because he kept talking. “Why do you go to astronomy lessons if you don’t take the class?”

Why did he want to get into your personal business? You could have very well told him that it was none of his business, turned around and left. But that seemed a tad bit too rude for you and for some weird reason you didn't want him to think of you as any more rude that you had been.

Would you paint yourself as an overly ambitious student that just had a general love of learning or would you tell him the truth? If you were to lie again you were sure he wouldn't manage to uncover this lie.

"I just like astronomy and find the class interesting, on top of that I've got time so like why not?" You felt good about your response, so good you were happy that you had made the choice not to lie to him, again.

"Oh okay, then how come you didn't apply for the program?" Wow, this dude was really trying to uncover all of your flaws during the first real conversation you've had. He should have become a detective instead, his focused and analysing eyes made it very hard for you to lie and not feel any residual guilt. He would, without a doubt, catch you if you were to slip up again.

"Uhm... I just felt like education was the right place for me you know." You shook your head with squinted eyes in hopes that he would just get you. Which he obviously didn’t if you had to go off of the way his jaw jutted out to the side. 

"Well, to put it simply, I am not the brightest of students and while actually taking the class would have been a nightmare, just being there and listening and learning at my own slow pace just makes me feel better about my shortcomings."

Taehyung's lips parted slightly. Okay, maybe you didn't have to give such a confession but he had been pushing and you wanted it to just end.

"Ohh, I see." Not the response you expected but how else do you respond to someone who said that they were too dumb to follow their dream. "But still my offer stands, if you need help trying to understand anything, feel free to tap my shoulder in class."

"But you changed seats to sit in the front."

"Nah not really, I was just bitter that you hadn't answered and didn't want to hurt you. From now on you'll see me at my usual spot in front of you."

The squeamish movement that accompanied the words ‘hurt you’ gave rise to a wondering look on your face. Hurt you? Why would he hurt you? Taehyung looked pretty harmless so you decided to not take his weird comment at face value. He most likely meant hurting you in a verbal sense.

The rest of the semester progressed in that same weird manner that characterised your relationship with Taehyung. A constant push and pull that kept being encouraged by your closest friends– Hoseok being the top player in the game. Inevitably, the more time you spent with him the more you warmed up to him. A month down the road the two of you decided to put a label on it. Or it was more so you who needed a verbal confirmation that you had somehow managed to catch someone's interest.

It took you awhile to reset the way you thought. Your wandering mind wasn’t only filled with personal affairs anymore, another individual had found their place in your day to day thoughts. All of a sudden being affectionate wasn't something you had to actively be, it was simply default mode whenever Taehyung crossed your field of vision.

For that reason alone, finals season was filled with movie nights, whispered love confessions, enough takeaways from different cuisines that you felt you were now ready to become a food critic. But the most precious instances of that time was the afternoons where Taehyung did his best to teach you astronomy and you being too lazy to listen despite your interest. You can't help but ask yourself if you would have been more attentive had you known what astronomy actually meant to him.

You had now been with Taehyung for one entire year. One year filled with diametrically opposite feelings. The good, the bad and the ugly. But ultimately all of it was left at the door the moment the two of you decided to reconcile despite the drawbacks. You were happy. The kind of happy that you don't recognise until it's gone. That can only be acknowledged in the midst of incoming fury. You had never in your life wished for the ability to predict the future. To see what happens after sunrise before it is manifested. 

One particular day eleven years ago, you wished that astronomy was fake, that the sun wasn't real and that it never needed to rise or set, to be born or die. You wished the sun didn't exist, knowing very well that that would mean the most important person in your life wouldn't exist. But you could have dealt with that. 

Longing for something you know you could have hurts far more than craving for the unknown. In the latter situation there's at least hope, that if you search hard and long enough you could find that thing you so deeply want. In the former, you know where that thing is, it's in fact right under your nose, or more accurately right over your head, where you can feel it at least a little bit every single day. Except this time you can't have it, no matter how hard you wish for it or how long you choose to wait. The whole scenario was like a twisted marshmallow test. Made to incite cravings with no intention of ever quenching them.

This all started a year following the start of your relationship with Taehyung. At that time you took notice to how hot he would get at the most unexpected of times. A behaviour that was usually reserved for when he was irritated or angry. It wasn’t only him that was hot but he radiated the kind of heat reserved for an extremely sunny summer’s day. 

You overlooked those instances and decided not to pay them too much mind. It could just be you having the extreme hots from him. However on a particular night, you just couldn’t bring yourself to stay in bed with Taehyung. The sheets were drenched and the windows had fogged up. You had to leave and find refuge in your living room sleeping right by a fan. 

The coming morning you woke up to breakfast on the table and right beside it there was a thick pocket sized book. The Book Of Suns. That was the white title that was engraved onto the black cover. Taehyung was nowhere to be found but his belongings were still in your room so you assumed he had gone for his morning walk. 

You had to make a choice between the two. Would you read the book first or you would eat breakfast first? You knew that whatever you were about to find out would most likely curb your appetite. Your hand glided against the rough cover of the book. 

Wouldn't it be better to read it now, just in case something made you extremely sad? That way you could cry before he got back home. Whatever it was that you were about to find out was very important to him, important enough that he wanted you to form your own opinion of it in peace. He wanted in no way for his presence to taint your reaction towards the truth that he had been hiding. Or as he thought protecting you from.

You sat down by the table, knees to your chest as you brought the book onto your hands. 'The Book Of Suns' was, as you realised after reading it, just that, a book about suns, in particular Taehyung’s sun lineage. It was a story about your world’s suns, the rainbow sun family. A fact unknown to you before that very moment. You were surprised by your behaviour, you weren’t exactly known for having calm reactions. It must have been Taehyung’s scent on the sweater you wore. It tickled your nose and calmed your senses. The book served as a track record for the next person in line to become the sun. It had seven chapters. Beside each chapter title in the contents page there were small vertical lines. The first six suns had five lines while the last had four. Taehyung must be purple sun. You read silently or more so you attempted to read silently, the deep breaths you were taking in effort to digest everything couldn't be contained.

After a continuous hour of reading you got to what was perhaps the most interesting chapter. Where do the dead suns go? And most importantly what do the suns that have yet to be born stay? You were cautious about continuing your reading. What if you found out that Taehyung was in fact just the ghost of someone that didn't actually exist? Or worse what if Taehyung would cease to exist? 

Fear curbed your initiative to let your eyes continue their dance on the page. But fear also did its job in fixating your attention on the slightly faded black letters present on the off-white pages. Fear of the unknown is always worse than that of the known.

Deep in the forest, there was the garden of suns. Every time a sun died and resurrected as a human, their statue appeared in the garden, where their sun soul was kept, only to vanish on the day of their sun birth. In the middle of the pages there was a picture, at the back of it you could read Taehyung’s harsh handwriting ‘The garden of suns -15/07/39’. He had been there four days ago.

The statues of the first five suns were covered with vibrant collared moss equivalent of their sun pigment. The sixth and seventh sun’s statues were only slightly visible in the photograph. They seemed to be in an intermediary phase. Not quite gone, yet not quite there. It was hard to figure out whether they were emerging or vanishing. That’s until you remembered the previous week’s news report. A supernova was on its way and scientists believed it would most likely occur near the end of next year. 

The indigo sun is near its death, and a purple sun is nearing its ascent. 

Taehyung’s statue was the one vanishing. His sun soul was ready to find its owner and ascend to its rightful place amongst the other stars. Just as you were about to continue reading, ready to delve into how this whole sun birth situation went about, the sound of metal clashing against metal resounded in the dead silence. Clinging keys and heavy steps entered the apartment. 

No 'hello' or 'glad to see you're finally awake'. But could you blame him? It would have been weird to act as if it was like any other of your usual mornings. You wished you had mustered up the strength to get off the chair and go greet him at the entrance. In your mind you did that but in reality you stayed rooted right where you were, back squeezed into the corner between the table and chair.

Taehyung walked in to lean against the door frame that lead into the kitchen. He looked exhausted. Dark under eye bags decorated weary eyes. You thought you could hear a tentative squeak come out of his mouth. Maybe you should've said something, because he looked like he was hurting and trying to find the appropriate words to start a conversation he knew would only end with heartache and tears. You thought that talking about the small steps he made outside was a good way to segue into talking about the biggest step he would take in his life. One that he could unfortunately not walk back on. 

"How was your walk?" You managed to ask before Taehyung walked past the kitchen and into the bedroom. He stopped midway, standing in the living room, where sun rays illuminated his surroundings. You couldn't help but think that it was very fitting for him to become a sun. The rays may have been bright and hot but he was the only one able to make you feel as hot as the sun and make your smile shine brighter than the biggest star. He was already a sun. Your sun. Why did he need to leave and become everyone's sun as well?

"Pretty good, helped me wake up," he said and sat down on the bean bag present beside him. You put the book down on the dining table just to look back at him from your seat. You were just there, in the moment, sitting down and doing your best to have an internal conversation. Both of you knew that words would hurt too much. And they surely couldn't bear the complete weight of what your current predicament meant neither could they have illustrated the joint pain that was shared between two beating hearts.

Your conversation might have been dead but the emotion was very much alive. You stood up from your seat, Taehyung's knitted sweater fell back down to caress your thighs. The walk to the beanbag felt like an eternity, not because it was but because you made it so. You had felt his sour and vigilant mood and you knew that being playful at that moment was your best bet. You tiptoed back and forth all the way to the beanbag as the sweater shifted here and there to reveal skin that was highlighted blue by the sun.

He was upset but he couldn't manage to keep his mouth set. His lips would stretch and unstretch as small playful wiggles played at the tip of his mouth. Finally you had found your way to the bean bag. You stood tall as your body cast a shadow over his. You placed a foot on the bean bag as the material sunk under your weight and you found your place on his lap. 

Right there, that's the kind of pat in the back that Taehyung gave you as his arms enveloped your slouching form. You snuggled your head deep into the crook of his neck and inhaled all the way in. If he was really gonna be leaving you, you needed to make sure you could imprint the scent and feel of his flesh right onto yours.

You sat there, quiet, with synchronised breaths yet fighting thoughts. How in the heck were you supposed to manage this? Him just being gone? Sure, you had a year left before it was officially time, but a year is far from a lifetime, what he had promised you.

"You are sure you don't want to talk about it?" Long hand strokes continue to comfort your back. You move your buried head side to side, groaning in response. Alright is all he said. Things were far from alright.

While on that morning you decided not to talk further on the topic, the coming months were filled with explorative trips to the Garden of Suns, where you would spend hours listening to Taehyung tell you about the stories of him and his sun brothers. He talked about being particularly close to the blue sun.

"It's just because he literally has no filter," he said gazing longingly at the statue covered with flashy blue moss.

"Is that like, dangerous?"

"Well yeah for you, but I am a sun remember." He turned around on the grass to face your way.

"And that's probably why I orbit around you." The huge grin that found its ways to your face was uncontrollable and contagious as Taehyung couldn’t help but snicker at your corny joke.

Just like that, your months together flew by until it was finally d-day. You hoped that waking up wouldn't be a necessity but Taehyung refused to let you sleep through it. He refused to let you think that it was all a dream. Getting yourself off the bed and into the shower felt like an endless task. One that he was patient enough to help you with. In hindsight you feel bad about having put him through that on such a significant day. He was, most likely, having a harder time dealing with his destiny than you were. That day was one to remember, the most vivid of them all, the most cherished of them all yet the most sad of them all.

All of that happened in the past and you were currently in an unsure present. The indigo sun had faced its fate, to be extinguished in an equally coloured supernova that would give rise to the last one in line, a purple sun. One day they would all be back to the complete cycle. A day where you wouldn't be present.

It has been ten years since Taehyung became a sun. You could talk to him, well, not really but you could see him and most importantly feel him. It had been a decade since you asked him to leave you something to remember him by, a part of him, a living one. On the night of Taehyung’s sun birth he decided to take you up on the offer. Cuddled up, in each other’s arms that’s how the day progressed. While usually persistent yet gentle, that night Taehyung felt it was appropriate and maybe in fact vital for him let his sun like ferocity be expressed. How else could you have understood the intensity of his feelings, a muddy mix of grief and love. The remains of that one last heated night were left for you to admire and cherish.

You thought you would manage to stay up the entire night to witness the purple sun birth but Taehyung’s warmth, forehead kisses and soft singing lulled you to sleep before you could realise it. 

Nothing was felt. No heat, no cold. Nothing was seen. No light, no spark. Taehyung was gone into the void in the same effortless way he entered your life. You’ve now been waiting over a decade to know if the fruits of that night would come into fruition. Conception can only happen when eclipses take place. Eclipses happen every 126 months. It has been 10 years. Half a year is left.

That half year could not have passed at a slower pace. It was a Thursday, yet another tiring day at school. You loved kids but you were drained of energy. You couldn't wait for time to pass by so that you could leave. It was Thursday, which meant you could watch the sunset to its complete  end without being bothered. It was also Thursday, the day after you got your first ultrasound. Taehyung may have not been there but that didn't mean you couldn't share the remaining of your waking hours with him, whenever you thought it was possible. You looked out of the window from your classroom to see purple hues in the sky as the sun said goodbye to leave place to another night.

The clouds thought otherwise, for some reason they always felt the need to be there to cloud his presence. What right did they have to cover up his tint? If it weren’t for them you would have been able to bask in his purple light, let it colour you bare as your feelings went from blank to purple butterflies that made you lose sight as tears formed in your eyes.

So you did what any sensible person still in love would have done. As soon as the clock struck 4 pm you ran to catch the train that would take you from skyscraper views to wide flower fields. It took the train two hours. You did your best to enjoy the way he set along the ride. Once you arrived you were left with two entire hours to enjoy the last of him and say goodbye to Taehyung and hello to the darkness.

During that time you reached into Taehyung's patterned cross body bag. You truly hated it but it was his so you kept it. You pulled out the ultrasound picture and raised it to the little part of sun that was still left. You didn't actually think that he would, through some weird magical way, actually be able to see it. It was more so something to calm your conscience. But most importantly, it presented you with the opportunity to capture an unusual family picture. It was you, the ultrasound, your baby bump and the purple sunset all in one picture. One that had found its rightful place on your bedside table.

Years unmasked themselves to reveal the growth of your child. One that grew to inherit the intensity of her father. Every now and then you made sure to let her know about him. As young as she was she couldn't truly understand it all, but as a child your love story was something that was within imaginable grounds. So you took advantage of that and taught her all you could about him. Maybe if you started early she could manage to develop past your less refined genes with regards to learning.

You took your time to tell her all that she wished to know and all that you wished to share. Sugarcoating to the maximum, cause that’s what Taehyung would do, but still making sure to keep a coherent timeline. One specific day you are unable to answer her question.

"Wh–why did dad break the promish?"

You had to fight long and hard with your tear ducts. Never had you cried in front her and you didn't intend to do it anytime soon.

In fact in one way or the other, Taehyung hadn't lied about keeping his promise. He had omitted some important specifics but he hadn't completely been untruthful. He said a lifetime and he would give you a lifetime. It just happened to be one where he wasn't always there, present by your side. 

However he would always get up to see you rise, and always say goodbye as he sets down to give place for lonely nights. And on all of those goodbyes unlike the one where he left you for the first and last time, you could swear that in bed with your child pressed to your chest, you could feel and hear his sunset heartbeat as clear and strong as the rays of a certain purple sun, your only one. Sun rays filled with his most cherished truth: 

‘I will turn purple when i miss you and to say i love you’.

Posted: May 28, 2020

[uglypastels]

So you reblogged a blurb you wrote about Tom getting a call from the reader being in a car crash, but what about a part 2, when Harrison and his brothers find out and try to get him to get his life back on track?

I never had the intention to write more but after reading the request i had some kind of That’s So Raven-like vision and I could see this one part of it play out in front of me so here you go. Now that I think about it, I might have swerved away from what you requested but i hope you like it. It got a bit too long hehe. 

(part 1, kinda) Car Crash 

warning: mention of death, blood, injury… its angsty yall. (about 1.1k  words of it) 

Tom stood in front of the large mirror. His eyes blank. The slightest hint of redness and puffiness was still showing underneath them from this morning. With shaky hands, he adjusted his tie. Even though he had not yet tied it completely, he felt as if he was suffocating. His air pipe was getting tighter and tighter. Suddenly, his vision was blurry again. 

No, not now. He had to keep strong. Just hold on a little bit more. 

“Tommy?” A voice he had not expected came from behind him. Tom turned around as a tear fell down his cheek. He looked at his brother, Harry, in the eyes. Just like him, Harry was dressed in a slim black suit. His curls were tamed as much as they could be.

“We have to go.” he just said but didn’t push his brother to actually get a move on as he used to when they were younger. They both stood there, not saying anything. Something between them seemed to hover in the air. This kind of presence, this heaviness. 

“Is everyone-” he couldn’t get more words out before that feeling in his throat came back. It was choking him, hurting him from every side. 

“Yeah, they’re waiting downstairs.” Harry put his hands in his pockets. The warmth of the material barely did anything in comparison to how cold he felt, how cold Tom felt, how cold everyone felt for the last week. 

“You go, I’ll be down in a minute,” Tom said. His younger brother seemed a bit hesitant at first, but nodded eventually and walked away. Tom turned back around to face that goddamn mirror. The golden frame glistened mockingly in the sun. How dared it look so joyful on such a day. He looked into his own eyes. Brown, but there was no warmth in them anymore. His hair was brushed and washed but it didn’t have its usual bounce in it. His skin was paler and the suit just felt a little too big. Though it was just a short time, the muscles that he had worked so hard for were gone. He felt empty and numb. 

So numb that he barely felt, barely realized, when his fist hit the glass. It smashed into pieces under his knuckles. The blood trickled from his hand. All Tom could do was look at it as it dripped. Scarlet drop by drop. It was nothing to worry about. He had seen worse. He had felt worse. 

Except he hasn’t. He has never felt so hollow, so far away from existence. 

It took him much longer to get downstairs than what he had told his brother. When he got to the foot of the stairs, everyone’s eyes were on him. His parents sat on the couch with cups of tea in their hands. Sam and Paddy had been talking to eachother but fell silent at the sight of their older brother. Harry had been looking at his phone while Harrison stood a bit away from everyone. 

“What happened to your hand?” Nikki jumped up at the sight of the blood that kept falling on the carpet. Tom looked down too. He looked at his knuckles in confusion. There was a deep gash going over his knuckles. The blood covering all of his hand now. Without saying a word, he walked to the sink to wash the blood off. He didn’t even flinch when the water hit the cut. He was still washing off the red stains off his skin, too busy to notice the worried looks his family was giving each other behind his back. 

Instead of getting some kind of bandaid, he got a tea towel and wrapped it tightly around his hand in the hopes it would stop the bleeding eventually. Without a word, he walked out of the room. The tension didn’t disappear once everyone was out of the house. It followed the family into the car, all the way to the somber building on the other side of town. There were already plenty of cars parked around it. People walking in but everyone stopped in their tracks when they saw them walk up. Next to them the people Tom was so close to calling family. It hurt them to see them again. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to see each other in Greece this summer. Not- not here. 

They walked in. The first thing that Tom saw was rows of benches. Each of them filled with the other guests. Each and everyone except the first two. They walked down the aisle, listening to the soft piano music and the whispered mournings of others. They walked and walked. It felt like there was no end to it. 

Then they stopped. Right in front of it. The large black box. It was decorated with golden filigree and large bouquets. All varying in sizes and colors. There was no coordination to them at all. Just like she would have liked it. 

Next to it, a picture frame. It was simple, not to distract from the beautiful girl on the photograph. She looked happy, so vibrant, so full of life. Seeing her again made Tom take a step back. He felt a hand on his shoulder, making him look to his side. Harrison gave his best friend a sad smile as he squeezed his shoulder again. He gave him the small push back forward. With a deep breath, Tom took the steps he needed up to the casket. With shaking hands he put down his own flowers, right at the front. He forgot when he had taken them. The memories were all flooding back. It were the same flowers he had gotten her the day before their fight. Before the accident. It was her favorites. White Asiatic lilies and lavender daisy poms. 

“I’m so sorry,” he managed to make out, as he straightened out the ribbon falling down, reading the words Forever in our hearts. Of course, he meant in his heart. She would never leave him. He had no idea how to go on with his life without her. 

Tom took the step back and took one more glance at her picture. She looked beautiful, as always. It was a picture he took on one of their holidays. He couldn’t even remember where it was exactly. Just that it was warm and they had the best time together. He always did when they were together. Just that one night… it took everything away from him. 

The End 

thank you for reading and i hope you liked it. please leave a comment or an ask with your thoughts or just anything you want to say about the story. i love to read y’alls opinions or just talk to you all really 

taglist (open) and masterlist in bio 

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Ephemera Chapter Nineteen (END)

Ephemera: In art, transitory written and printed matter (receipts, notes, tickets, clippings, etc.) not originally intended to be kept or preserved.

Alternatively, things that exist or are used for only a short time.

Description: Nobody knows who Vante really is. Everything about the popular artist is shrouded in secrecy: from his face to his name to everything in between. After years of working for his art gallery, Y/N feels she may just be the closest thing he has to a friend. Between her success at work and her relationship with campus hot-shot Jeon Jungkook, Y/N’s life has never been better. But is Jungkook truly who he says he is? And who will Y/N protect now that she knows Vante’s livelihood may be on the line?

Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst

Pairing: Jungkook x (f) Reader x Taehyung

Word Count: 7.0k

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Gang!Au, Art History Student!Reader, Film Student!Jungkook, Art Student!Taehyung

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of alcohol, although infrequently

A/N: GUYS THE ALBUM!! THE MV!! JAMAIS VU, MAKE IT RIGHT, DIONYSUS!! TRULY THE BOPS OF ALL BOPS I CANNOT BELIEVE THE LEVEL OF ARTISTRY! EVERY TIME I THINK THEY’VE GOTTEN AS GOOD AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE, THE DO SOMETHING BETTER!! God, I loved it. Anyway, this chapter! Haha we’ve finally reached the end of our journey! I can’t believe it, really. Anyway, please don’t be shy and send feedback, critique, questions, theories, and comments my way. I’ll be sure to respond to all asks I receive within a day of receiving them! Links will be added later, so for now check my masterlist to find previous chapters!

And again, if you want to follow my Twitter, my username is @/plzpunchmebts. I’m super active over there and hopefully in the future I’ll do some livestreams/chats with you all! And concert videos!!

ALSO BIG UPDATE: I’ll be taking a couple weeks off from writing series’ until after the BTS concert on May 4. I don’t want to get into a posting routine only to have to throw it off for that weekend. That said, I’ll be working on finishing REALLY OLD requests that I haven’t gotten to yet, so I’ll be posting! Just not series. (Although, I do have my next series planned and started. If you guys want spoilers for that, plz send me an ask hehe)

- Mercury

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

Masterlist

Weekly updates: Sunday, 1PM (PST)

My daughter,

I’m sure this letter comes as a bit of a shock to you. It’s a bit of a shock to me as well. I don’t know exactly where to start.

Leaving you was the hardest decision I ever had to make. But now that you’re older, I hope you can understand me. Even just a little. You were the biggest hope in my life, but I didn’t feel worthy of you. I didn’t want to raise a daughter whose only mother was dependent on someone else to support her. I didn’t have any options in the countryside, but I thought if I went to Seoul and came home successful…maybe you’d grow to respect me.

It sounds selfish writing it down. It was selfish. I am selfish.

To be honest, I didn’t intend on reaching out to you. As it stands, I’m working for a small company as a web designer. Not exactly the lofty dream I had when I left. I didn’t want to face you until I’d made something of myself, so you’d understand why I had to leave. But…well, things change over time I suppose.

I keep a close eye on the tabloids in Seoul because of my job, and when the news about Vante dropped I was intrigued. Truthfully, I’d been trying to get in with him for years. Ever since he showed up in the art scene. I wanted to help him market himself online.

I was perplexed, however, considering the fact that he seems quite reclusive and yet had a female companion with him in almost every photo. For a while, I was trying to figure out who that girl was so I could reach out to her. And as it turns out…you know the rest.

I don’t want you to think I’m exploiting you. I’d never want to do something like that. I’m really glad you were the girl, and not just for career aspects. I was shocked when I found out, and I immediately called a PI to find your address. It wasn’t cheap. But being able to speak with you after so long is a blessing.

I’d love to meet with you in person. Catch up. Talk about what you’ve been up to all these years. You’ve grown into such a beautiful young lady, and you’re doing so many exciting things. I’d love to hear all about them.

Please meet me at the address below on Sunday at 1 PM if you can. It’s a little coffee shop I like. I think it might be a nice place to reunite.

And I apologize for not writing a return address. I’m not sure how you’ll receive this, and I don’t want any legal trouble should you decide this letter is worth litigation.

Hoping to see you there.

Sincerely,

Mom

I’d read and reread the letter enough times to burn the script into my mind forever. If I shut my eyes, her words still floated around on the blacks of my lids. I’d never expected to hear from her again, and was content living my life independently from hers. Perhaps some deep, dark part of me was hoping to rub my success in her nose somehow, but…not like this. The nerve of her. To reach out to me after all these years…

Just because I knew Taehyung.

Something about that stung me in a place that was too tender to look at closely. I didn’t know why the pain was so visceral, but it felt deeper than just a blow to the ego.

I stared at the letter sitting on my coffee table, wrinkled and worn from my chronic folding and unfolding. It had only been a day, and my mind was still swimming in the letter. What right did she have to disrupt my life this way? Who was she to me anyway to be able to affect my waking hours? To consume my thoughts?

I sighed and flipped it over so I only saw my address. What a joke. She thought I might hand over the letter to the police or something? Everything about the letter disgusted me.

So why was that address now burned in the back of my mind?

I touched my pointer finger to my necklace, the ruby one Taehyung had given me so long ago, as I waited in the Sanyo Industries reception room. Yoongi sat beside me, playing with his hands. As decided during our meeting, Yoongi and I were dressed sharp: him in a nice pair of slacks and a pressed button-down, and me in my work skirt and a blouse I had to steam to get the wrinkles out. The reception area was vast, a wide room with wide windows and lots of empty space. The employee behind the desk eyed us now and then, and it was clear by the way she’d received us that she knew exactly who Yoongi was. She’d practically stuttered out her greeting as we entered the modern-looking office.

“Why should the son of a CEO have to wait in the reception office?” I mumbled under my breath with a sigh.

I hadn’t bothered asking Yoongi if he’d gone to meet Nara like I suggested, mostly for his own sake. Emanating from Yoongi’s very core was a jittery sense of anticipation. His eyes flashed wildly around the room, toward the elevators, toward the front doors, toward the marble floor. I’d never seen him so visibly nervous. He was always like Troy, impregnable. But it seemed his father was his own Trojan Horse, his undoing. I eyed him, awaiting a reaction, but none came. Almost like he didn’t hear me at all.

I gave his arm a poke and raised my brows as he jumped and looked at me with wide eyes. “Huh?” he asked, swallowing hard.

I sighed and crossed my arms. “Yoongi, you don’t look so good,” I said, tone softening as I watched him with furrowed brow.

He inhaled sharply and held his breath for a few seconds before letting it out in a puff that startled the receptionist. “Sorry,” he said quietly.

I smiled, attempting a gentle pat, but he was so jumpy that the touch of my palm on his shoulder almost made him shout. “If this is too much, you can go. Honestly, we mostly needed you to get me inside,” I said, then rolled my eyes and glanced out onto the street where Namjoon stood, smoking a cigarette. “Well, me and that idiot.”

Yoongi shook his head and braced himself on his knees, knuckles white as he held on to the tops of his knees. “No,” he said, shutting his eyes with a steadying breath. “I’m not here just to help you guys.”

I nodded. “Listen…you wanting to take responsibility — for yourself and for Nara — it’s really noble. I respect it. But…well, if you don’t mind me being a little nosy, you seem super rattled. I don’t know if this is the best move for your sake,” I said, watching him for any reaction.

He only opened his eyes and nodded, somber. “It’s probably stupid,” he said with a humorless laugh. “But…after spending so long with my head in the sand, I guess the guilt of it is catching up with me.”

“Guilt?”

He shrugged. “How many innocent people have had their lives ruined by my dad’s business? How many people like Nara have I just…left behind? Because it was too much responsibility?”

I raised my brows. “This is the first time I’ve heard you talking about reformation. You seemed a bit ambivalent,” I said, then shrugged. “Like Seokjin.”

“Neither of us are ambivalent, Y/N,” he said seriously, finally meeting my eyes head-on. “We both grew up seeing all the corruption and didn’t see any ways of making it better. Rather than ambivalent…we became cynical.”

I smoothed down my skirt, thinking. “I bet you’re not the only ones to become disillusioned,” I said, recalling that letter on my coffee table with a scowl. “Sometimes all we can do is accept that things are messed up and try to do the right thing on our own.”

He shook his head. “But what if I can’t accept that anymore?” he asked, brows knit as he implored me with his tender gaze. “What if I’ve been accepting it to avoid doing the right thing? Because the right thing is hard?”

I blinked at him, disarmed by the vulnerability in his eyes. “Yoongi…”

“I don’t deserve a free pass,” he said, serious as he scanned me. “Not when people are getting hurt.”

“What do you plan on doing?” I asked, raising my brows.

He settled back against his seat and his jitters slowed, knees stopping their anxious bounce. He anchored his gaze on something far away, perhaps something not physically here at all. “I’m gonna fix it.”

“Fix it?”

“The company,” he said with a steady nod. “From the inside. I’m gonna make it so that people don’t get hurt anymore. Like Ori.”

I watched him for a long moment, watched the way his jaw went staunch against his neck, and couldn’t help but admire his determination. Righteous outrage and a little bit of guilt. I exhaled in a puff and smirked, eyeing him sidelong. “Min Yoongi,” I said, and he glanced at me. There was an innocence in the rounds of his eyes, in the expectation in his parted lips. “You’ll do great,” I finished with a smile. I gave his shoulder a pat and nodded once.

He met my eyes and, slowly, a halfway there smile touched his features and he returned my nod. “Thanks,” he said, chuckling once, sharp.

“Excuse me?” called the receptionist, sounding uncertain. She had risen to her feet and was staring at us with her hands clasped in front of her stomach. She gave a smile I recognized from wearing it myself at work. “Mr. Min is ready to see you.”

I nodded and gave her a bow before catching Namjoon’s eye outside and jerking my head toward the elevator. He quickly stomped out his cigarette and rushed inside, smelling strongly of nicotine. I gave him a grimace and he responded with a smile, resting his hand on the small of my back and leading me down the hallway toward the elevator.

“Ah! Do you need help finding the office?” the receptionist called, craning her neck to peer after us.

Yoongi chuckled and shook his head, waving at her as he called for the elevator. “I think we’ll be okay. Thank you,” he said with a smile her way.

She blinked a few times before adjusting her hair and bowing, her head disappearing back around the corner. And, in silence, the three of us entered the elevator.

The CEO of Sanyo Industries was not the imposing man I was expecting. Perhaps I’d built him up as some sort of malevolent deity, but looking at him sitting in a chair that looked several inches too big for him, glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose, it was hard to see Mr. Min as the ruthless businessman I knew he was.

The office was spacious, like the reception area, and decorated with classic mahogany browns and deep reds. It looked like the sort of office you’d see in a rich man’s mansion. But Mr. Min himself didn’t quite match it. Mousy in the face with sallow skin and salt-and-pepper hair, he looked like someone’s quiet uncle, the one you only see at family get-togethers who you have trouble even making small talk with.

He cleared his throat and stared up at Yoongi and I, raising his brows. “Son,” he began, then chuckled, rubbing his nose bridge and shutting his eyes. “Is this some sort of marriage announcement?”

Yoongi sighed. “You’d know about any marriage before I would, Dad,” he said, eyes going dull.

“Well then, what brings you two here?” he asked, eyeing me. “And furthermore, who are you if not a fiancé?”

I glanced at Yoongi, waiting for him to speak. But he simply kept his eyes ahead, perhaps trying to tether himself to reality somehow. It wasn’t a part of the plan for me to be too vocal. And besides, I wasn’t so sure it was safe to speak much. If what yoongi said about his father was anything to go by, I’d be smart not to oppose him.

Namjoon had planned everything pretty meticulously. For the first time since arriving, I felt concerned that I’d mess up my role. And with Namjoon himself waiting outside the office so as not to spook Mr. Min right off the bat, I felt ill at ease with all of his attention squarely on me.

I played with the pendant on my necklace. “Uh,” I began, meeting the CEO’s eyes once more. “I’m, uh…I…work with Yoongi.”

He cocked a brow and smirked. “Ah, another criminal?” he asked, scoffing. “Really, Yoongi, when are you going to come to your senses and get serious?” His tone had taken a shift. Gone were the fleeting moments of jest and teasing. In its place was nothing short of frightful intensity, his gaze on Yoongi, boring into him through thin-rimmed glasses.

“Today,” said Yoongi, facing his father. “If things go well.”

Mr. Min leaned back and coughed a little, one of those innocuous old-man sounds that once again threw me for a loop. Was he any suburban dad you might see at the Han River or was he a cutthroat criminal?

“That’s…very good news,” he said, then eyed me with a scowl. “Although if you’re looking to get your friend a job, I can confidently say not a chance.”

I was nearly hurt by his comment before remembering just what sort of company he ran. I took my bruised pride and, clearing my throat, crossed my arms. “I’m not looking for work,” I said.

He hummed. “Well, Yoongi, I can’t say I’m unhappy to hear about your change of heart,” he said, giving Yoongi the ghost of a smile.

Yoongi cleared his throat and rubbed his palms together. “There’s a condition.”

“Condition?” asked Mr. Min, his expression darkening.

“Call off your hit on Ori.”

He chuckled. “You think having you under my wing is worth letting my biggest competitor go?” he asked, raising his brows. “That’s shockingly confident. Even for you.”

Yoongi shook his head. “No,” he said, locking eyes with his father. “I know that’s not enough.”

“Then what’s the rest of your bid?” he asked with a smirk. “You know you can’t prove I’ve got a hit on Ori.”

I cleared my throat and took a step forward, rifling through my bag to grab my phone. “That’s,” I began, but had to pause since my phone was hidden beneath my wallet. I chuckled to myself, nervous, and continued once I had my cell phone in my hand. “That’s where I come in.”

Mr. Min stared at me, but his teasing once again halted. Quietly, I pressed play on my cell phone. The recording played and I took the moment of respite to lean back, inelegant and unceremonious, to knock on the door twice, alerting Namjoon to his cue.

Mr. Min’s gaze went hard like obsidian and it locked on me. “That’s Kim Seokjin?”

Yoongi stepped forward, crossing his arms. “Take action against Jin and we’ll release the recording and tell the press. You might not be aware, but Y/N has become pretty intimately familiar with news outlets these days, being Vante’s secret woman and everything.”

Mr. Min’s face flushed and his eyes skittered between us like a cornered animal. “You’re her…,” he said with a nod. He rubbed his temples and an almost childish smile touched his face. Shutting his eyes, he nodded again as the door opened and Namjoon stepped inside. “You’ve outplayed me, haven’t you?”

Yoongi adjusted his cuffs and cleared his throat. “Sorry, Dad,” he said, sighing. “But I can’t sit back and watch you ruin people’s lives anymore.”

His father opened his eyes and they were sharp, angry, but there was a margin of respect in them. “So this is your offer? You come on under me and you don’t air Sanyo’s dirty laundry?”

Yoongi nodded once sharply. “Yes.”

He smirked and glanced at Namjoon who had taken the spot at my other side. “I suppose you’re here to discuss the logistics,” he said, chuckling. “You two can leave. This is a discussion between businessmen.”

Namjoon grinned and pulled out the plush chair in front of Mr. Min’s desk before settling in. “It is,” he said, turning around to smile at Yoongi and me. “I’ll meet you two downstairs when we’re done here,” he continued. Yoongi and I each turned halfway toward the door, and as my fingers clasped around the doorknob, Namjoon called, “Oh and Y/N?”

I glanced at him over my shoulder. “Yes?” I asked, eager to leave the intimidating place.

He smirked. “Have your friend send her resume to my secretary. She’ll schedule her for an interview with my hiring department.”

A small smile spread across my face as I opened the door. I nodded and he returned it, grinning. “I will,” I said, leading Yoongi out into the hallway once more.

I awoke to pounding at my front door. Groaning, I rubbed my eyes and pushed myself upright on the couch. I must have fallen asleep shortly after returning home from Sanyo. Namjoon had emerged two hours later with a big grin and a new contract with Yoongi’s father stating neither company would attack the other moving forward. And although Namjoon hadn’t been the one to strike first, his strategic prowess had proven extremely useful as by the end Mr. Min was offering a collaborative project. Namjoon wouldn’t tell me whether he’d accepted the project or not, but I suspected I knew his principles well enough to know exactly where he’d told Mr. Min to shove that offer.

Yoongi had stayed behind to hash things out with his dad, and he told me not to worry about him. Of course, I worried anyway, because as his back retreated back toward the elevator, he looked so small. Too small for this big corporate world.

But my worries were quickly assuaged as he turned slightly before entering the elevator and shot me a playful smirk and a wink. As I moved to respond, he quickly hopped into the elevator and that was the last I saw of him.

Once I’d gotten home, I’d practically fallen into a puddle on the couch, turning on the TV and letting whatever cable show was on play as my mind wandered away from me. I wasn’t sure when I’d fallen asleep or how long I’d been out, but the knocking was incessant and demanding.

Groggy, I wandered toward the door and opened it without checking the peephole, rubbing the back of my head with a groan. “Hello?”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

I pried my eyes open and saw Taehyung fuming in the doorway. I furrowed my brow and blinked at him. “What time is it?”

He sighed. “It’s midnight. Why are you still dressed up?” he asked, finally scanning me before shaking his head and waving his hands. “No, that’s not important! Why did you keep this whole plan from me? Don’t I have the right to know?”

My senses had returned to me and, gently, I took his forearm and led him inside the apartment. He followed, albeit unwillingly, and pouted down at me. He was dressed in leisure wear, likely having run here from his apartment once Namjoon told him what happened without so much as grabbing a jacket.

I sat him down on the couch and smiled. “I’m sorry,” I said.

He opened his mouth to say something but shut it quickly with a sigh, gripping his nose bridge. “Shit,” he mumbled. “I can’t scold you if you apologize first.”

I laughed and nodded. “I know,” I said, then shook my head. “I really am sorry, for what it’s worth.”

He eyed me from between his fingers and cocked a brow. “Why didn’t you tell me, though? Really?”

I rubbed his arm with a smile. “I didn’t want you to take this on too,” I said. “With everything that happened with the gala…I figured you’d do something unnecessary again. You’d handle things on your own and demand I stay out of it,” I began, pausing to rub my hands together. “I know it’s annoying, but I thought that there had to be a way to fix things without someone sacrificing themselves.”

“What about your friend? That Yoongi kid? Didn’t he sacrifice himself?” he asked.

I chuckled, remembering that mischievous wink, that boy with his head in his computer, that guy who saved a stray dog and bought expensive food for it. “No,” I said, smiling. “He’s found something new to be passionate about.”

Taehyung sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I hate that I can see your point,” he said, shaking his head. “I wish I could’ve helped you more.”

Gently, I touched the pendant on my collarbone and smiled at him. “You did help, Taehyung,” I said, and his eyes flashed toward me. “More than you can possibly know. You showed me that I’m stronger when I speak out. That I have what it takes to advocate for myself.”

His shoulders slumped with a sigh and he glanced toward the coffee table where Mom’s letter still sat, wrinkled. “You would’ve figured it out on your own eventually,” said Taehyung with a pout.

I smiled. “No,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t think I would have.” I sighed and watched the letter as if it might change the longer I looked at it. “It took you to shake it out of me.”

“Well…that’s one contribution at least,” he said with a sigh.

“It bothers me.”

He sat upright and stared at me wide-eyed. “Huh?”

I shook my head. “Not that you’ve been helping me, but that it took someone else pushing me for me to finally get myself together,” I said, brow furrowed as I leaned back against the couch cushions. I crossed my arms and stewed over it, still staring at the letter. “I feel like everything I’ve done has been because of either you or Jungkook.”

Taehyung stiffened. “Wait, what?”

I sat up and frowned. “Yeah. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get,” I said, thinking about that stupid letter. If not for Taehyung, I probably would never have heard from my mom again.

“Y/N, you just got home from blackmailing a billionaire CEO,” he said, raising his brows. “I don’t think any of that had to do with me or Jungkook.”

I shook my head. “I dunno,” I said, trying to name the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Taehyung sighed and leaned into the couch, glancing up toward the TV. “What’re you watching?”

“I’m not sure,” I said, reclining beside him albeit uneasily as my thoughts kept swirling.

We both watched the screen for a moment and I felt the call of sleep beckoning again. Why with Taehyung did I always fall asleep? Perhaps he was a comfortable person. Our relationship had after all began when he left me trinkets while I slept at work.

“My agent wants me to start thinking about doing a documentary,” he said, like the thought couldn’t remain in his head.

I hummed. “Weird,” I said with a nod. “About you?”

“Yeah. Since public interest is so high right now, she thinks it might be a good time to start working on something,” he said, then shook his head. “But I don’t wanna be followed by a big film crew that I don’t know and everyone she’s suggested has been awkward.”

“Hm,” I said, resting my head against the back of the couch, eyes fluttering shut.

“I just want a small company, you know? If I’m going to do it, that is,” he continued, but his voice was growing more and more distant.

And before I knew it, I was asleep.

“Hey-wait, what the fuck?”

“Oh…sorry.”

“I…you…what are you even doing here?”

“I fell asleep.”

“Why were you here late?”

“Because I-…ah, forget it.”

I groaned and rolled over, tumbling off the couch and onto the rug. I stared up at the front door, the source of the noise, and saw Jungkook in the doorway. Smiling, I gave him a wave and pushed up to my bottom.

“Morning,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

Jungkook gave me a pout. “Don’t give me that cute face,” he said, jerking a thumb at Taehyung who, by that point, I’d only just begun to register as being in my apartment at all. “What’s he doing here?”

“He came over last night to scold me,” I said, standing to my feet with the help of the coffee table. My fingers brushed Mom’s letter and I recoiled like I’d touched a hot stove.

“Scold you?” asked Jungkook, eyes round. He tuned to Taehyung and frowned. “Why were you scolding her? And why didn’t you do it during business hours?”

“Jungkook,” I said, laughing as I approached. I gave his shoulder a pat before breezing past him into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I’d slept in my work skirt and blouse, so both were horribly wrinkled now. Great, and I still had to get to work in a few hours. “What are you doing here, Kook?” I called out into the hallway.

But to my surprise, both boys had followed me in to the bathroom and were beginning to cram themselves into the small space with me. I shouted as Jungkook shoved my pelvis into the countertop with his hip so he could perch on the toilet seat. Taehyung left a more reasonable distance between us and lingered in the doorway.

“I heard about what happened with Yoongi. Jin told me Yoongi’s leaving Bangtan and gave me an out too,” he said, then gave Taehyung a cautious look. “Can I talk about this with him?”

I chuckled and nodded, swishing my mouth with water. “Mhm,” I said.

Taehyung hummed. “So you’re leaving the shady business?”

Jungkook, his defenses lowering, nodded and returned his eyes to me. “Yeah. I want to do what I love instead.”

“What do you love?” asked Taehyung.

“I wanna make movies,” said Jungkook with a soft smile. “I bet you’d get it, being an artist and everything.”

Taehyung smiled and nodded. “Boy do I,” he said with a sigh. “Deciding to leave home and go it alone was really tough, but once I did it I never regretted it. Not even for a second.”

Jungkook grinned. “That’s comforting to hear, at least.”

I glanced between them a few times as the beginnings of a scheme began working in my brain. “You two are actually really similar, now that I think about it,” I said with a nod.

Jungkook scoffed. “No way,” he said with a snort.

I shot a warning glance at him and he quieted down. “I mean it,” I said. “You both see beauty in the ordinary and want to capture that.”

Taehyung raised his brows. “Is that something you’re interested in, Jungkook?”

He pouted and shrugged, watching the floor. “Yeah, I guess.”

Taehyung chuckled. “Man, I wish I would’ve known sooner! I take photos, so if you ever want to go and get some material, I’m free.”

Jungkook glanced up with wide eyes. “Huh?” he asked.

Taehyung nodded. “Yeah. Video is really dynamic, but I don’t have an eye for it. I’d love to see your process.”

Jungkook smiled, just a little, and sat up straighter. “Wait, you mean it?”

“Yeah, of course,” said Taehyung with a laugh. “Give me your number and we can plan something.”

I smiled knowingly and leaned back against the wall so the two could exchange contact information. “You know,” I began, rubbing Jungkook’s shoulder. “Jungkook’s working for a film company now.”

Jungkook stiffened. “N-Not yet! I just sent off my video, but-,”

“But you’re in. I saw that video, Kook. And, as an art curator, I’m telling you it’s good,” I said.

Taehyung’s eyes went wide. “For real?” he asked.

Jungkook shrugged, his knees spread wide as he sat slumped slightly. “Yeah. Probably, anyway.”

Taehyung scoffed. “Well…I might have a really big project for you guys if you’re interested.”

Jungkook stiffened. “What?”

“Let’s chat about it today. Y/N, do you mind if I steal him for a while?” asked Taehyung.

I smiled and gestured toward Jungkook with both hands. “He’s all yours.”

Jungkook glanced up at me, wide-eyed. “Wait, what’s happening?”

I chuckled. “Meet me after work, okay?” I asked with a smile, patting his shoulder as I slid past both of them to get ready for my shift.

As I was getting ready to leave work, I noticed a few text messages on my phone from while I was working. Smiling, I unlocked it and read over the text.

Nararawr: I’ve got an interview with Ori.

Nararawr: The receptionist said I had to interview properly if I wanted the job, no handouts.

Nararawr: IDK you did, but…thank you. I’ll be sure to do my best!

Nararawr: Yoongi came by my class on Monday. I assume that’s also your doing :P

Nararawr: He said he had some things to explain to me, so we’re meeting up on Friday to talk about everything. Methinks it’s a…*gasp*…DATE?!

Nararawr: At any rate, thank you. I won’t waste this opportunity. Thank you for letting me get this myself. I appreciate you more than I say.

I ran a finger along my screen and chuckled. Of course he’d gone. I knew he would. Gently, I typed out a response.

Y/N: Hey, I didn’t do much. I’m just glad everything worked out. Let’s meet up on Saturday to chat! I’ve also got some things to explain to you. And besides I wanna hear about you…*gasp*…DATE?!

I smiled and slid my phone into my purse, removing my ascot and stuffing it inside along with it. The shift was quick, quicker than usual as I’d been scheduled during a busier time of day. The midday rush had died down by the end, and Areum gave me a four-fingered wave goodbye as I made my way back toward the exit from the break room. But as I stepped into the hall, Mr. Kwon jogged up behind me and grabbed my shoulder. I jumped a little and spun around to face him.

“Y/N! Thank God I caught you,” he said with a breathless laugh.

I smiled and gave him a bow. “Is there anything I can help you with, Sir?” I asked.

“If you have time, I’d love you to join me for a meeting right now,” he said.

“With who?” I asked.

“It’s-,” he began, but paused with a chuckle.

He grinned and glanced over my shoulder as the elevator dinged and out walked a few familiar faces. No way. Two of the Japanese philanthropists I’d sold paintings to all those weeks ago. It felt like a lifetime. I bowed deeply at each of them.

“Hello,” I said once I stood upright once more.

“Ah! Are you going to be in the meeting as well?” asked one man with a smile.

I took a peek at Mr. Kwon who gave me an encouraging nod and a smile, and turned back to the philanthropists. “Um…yes,” I said with a smile.

“Wonderful!” he said. “I was telling Mr. Kwon that we’d love to have you.”

“Have me…?” I began, but Mr. Kwon simply laughed and shuffled me back into the gallery, leading all of us to his office.

I stared at the letter on my coffee table, now dressed in my favorite turtleneck and the same skirt I’d worn to meet Jungkook for our study date, months and months ago. Any minute, he’d show up in his car, awaiting my arrival so we could go somewhere. Anywhere.

And still, here I was. Staring at that stupid letter. What did I think would happen if I kept looking at it? Would it suddenly sprout wings and fly away? Would it burn up in flames?

My phone buzzed and I knew he was here. I leapt to my feet and, without thinking, swiped the letter and pocketed it before rushing out the front door to meet Jungkook downstairs.

Jungkook and I sat beneath the dome stars, resting on a blanket in the grass at a park by my apartment. One I hadn’t been to in a long time. Neither of us was saying much, not after the initial flood of information exchange. How he was going to be in touch with Taehyung regarding that documentary, how the two are actually pretty compatible, how everything had gone with Yoongi at Sanyo.

Now there was just silence. The comfortable kind.

I knew I had to tell him about what had happened in the meeting today. If anyone needed to know, it was him.

But I let myself indulge in the silence for a moment longer. “My mom wrote to me,” I said, resting on my palms as I stared up at the fresh, cloudless autumn night sky. Stars splayed out like paint splatters.

Jungkook glanced at me, eyes wide. “She did?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. She wants to meet me.”

“She…she does?”

“Yeah,” I said with a chuckle. “I thought…I thought I might feel really vindicated when this moment finally came, but I kinda just feel…empty.”

“Empty…,” repeated Jungkook softly.

I nodded. “Because she wants to meet with me to get to Taehyung,” I said with a nod. “Isn’t it a little pathetic? Reaching out to your estranged daughter once she can benefit you?” I chuckled. “And what’s more pathetic is that I’m actually considering going.”

“Y/N,” said Jungkook softly, chiding. “I’ll support whatever choice you make,” he said, eyes boring into me intently.

I smiled and leaned toward him, giving him a chaste peck, and nodded. “Thank you,” I said with a sigh. “You know, it’s been bothering me for a while now,” I said, touching the ruby necklace where it met my skin. “I wonder what I’d be on my own. Who I’d be. Without you or Taehyung or Dad or Nara or anyone supporting me.”

“That’s a sad thought,” said Jungkook softly.

I shook my head. “It’s not,” I said. “I wanna know, Jungkook. All my life���I’ve been holding on to people so tight that I forgot I’m also a person worth holding on to. I forgot that I’m a person at all.”

Jungkook reached out and laced our fingers gently, inching closer. “I understand.”

“And I appreciate you for that,” I said, chuckling. “But…I wanna know what I’m made of when I’m on my own. Up until now, the only thing making me move forward has been circumstance. I haven’t done anything by myself. I haven't grown because I actively wanted to become better, but because I’ve been forced to through my relationships with you. With Taehyung. With Namjoon. With…everyone.”

Jungkook nodded. “You wanna stand on your own two feet.”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna see what you’re capable of,” he said, smiling.

I smiled too. “Which is why I’m gonna take a job offer in Japan.”

Jungkook coughed a little, sputtering, before staring down at me with wide eyes. “Wait, what? Where the hell did that come from?”

I laughed. “Today, my boss at the gallery offered me a year-long position at a new gallery they’re opening in Tokyo. He’s been having these talks with a bunch of philanthropists who I sold paintings to. I guess they really wanted to have me on the team at least for the first year to train new employees. I’ll be done with my degree in a few months anyway and I’ll be a manager,” I said, watching his expression change from shock to something like respect, mingling with a tinge of sadness.

“I…Y/N, that’s incredible,” Jungkook said, laughing as he swept me up in his arms. “I mean, I’ll miss you like hell but this is an amazing opportunity. You’d be crazy not to take it.”

I smiled and held on to him tightly, inhaling the sweet, gentle scent of his cologne, feeling the firm expanse of his chest. He rubbed my side, tender, and pulled back to press his palm against my cheek, smiling. “Let’s call it…our test period,” I said with a grin. He raised his brows. “After everything that happened, I can’t say I trust you one-hundred percent.”

He nodded. “I get it.”

“So…this year abroad,” I began, resting my hand atop his as he smoothed his fingers against my cheek. “If we still feel the same way about each other when I get home, then we can start again. For real this time.”

He swallowed hard and smiled, his thumb rubbing circles into my warm skin. “A test period,” he repeated with a nod. “I know I’ll pass.”

I laughed and gave his stomach a poke. “Don’t get cocky. I also have to pass,” I said with a smile.

“I’ll make sure you pass,” he said with a wink.

I shoved him away and stuck out my tongue, miming gagging. “We’ll see,” I teased.

He smiled. “I’m really proud of you,” he said.

I raised my brows. “You are?”

He nodded. “A few months ago, you wouldn’t be able to take this opportunity. You would have held yourself back and let it go to someone else.”

I blinked at my lap as I thought. “I…I guess so, huh?”

“The you from before…I don’t think the you today would like her much,” he said with a chuckle. “Do you?”

The letter suddenly felt heavy in my pocket, like it was burning a hole. Without another word, I pulled it out and stared at it, off-white, worn at the corners. And I took it in both hands before yanking each corner, tearing it clean in half. And again. And again. And again and again until the pieces were small as confetti. Then I opened my palm and let the gentle, chilly breeze carry the scraps away, gone forever into the streets of Seoul.

“That was brave,” said Jungkook from beside me, rubbing my back.

I smiled, a sense of ease washing over me, and turned to him. “I’m about to do something braver,” I said, meeting his curious eyes with a smirk.

I reached out and clamped both hands on his cheeks. He gasped a little as I yanked his face down to meet mine. I tried to convey with a kiss exactly what I needed him to understand. That he wasn’t a bad person, just lost for a while. That he deserved to be happy. That he was strong and smart and talented and so full of potential. That what I felt for him wasn’t something transient, like receipts, like a memo. That it was forever.

He leaned into the kiss, deepening it slightly with a tilt of his head. His lips were sweet with chapstick and soft, never pushy, gentle always. And as I slowly let my fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck, I felt him growing flushed, the heat from his face reaching mine through the small fraction of space between us.

Slowly, I pulled away and met his eyes, smiling. “I love you, too,” I said finally.

His eyes glittered with growing moisture and he smiled slightly, scoffing. “Jeez, baby,” he said, wiping his eyes. “You surprised me,” he mumbled.

I chuckled and reached around to the clasp on my necklace, removing it and holding it in my fingers. Slowly, I took his hand and flipped it palm up. I dropped the necklace and smiled at him.

“What’s this about?” he asked, eyeing me.

I closed his fingers around the necklace and patted his fist. “Hold on to that for me,” I said. “And don’t give it back to me until I come back from Japan.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll only take it back when I’ve proven that I can stand on my own two feet,” I said with a nod.

He furrowed his brow before meeting my gaze once more. “You want me to keep this for a year?”

I smirked. “It’ll also keep other girls from getting too cozy if they see that in your room.”

He gaped. “Y/N!” he shouted. “You really think I’m gonna be seeing other people while you’re gone?!”

I shrugged. “I dunno.”

“Wait…are you gonna see other people?!” he shouted, pointing an accusing finger my way.

“I dunno,” I repeated, giggling.

He frowned and leaned down to press a pouty kiss to my lips. “You’d better not or I’ll fly over there give you an earful.”

I laughed, ruffling his hair. “One year…are you sure you like me enough to hold out that long?”

His expression softened and he took my hand in his, pressing a kiss to my palm. “That much and more,” he said gently. “I’ll wait as long as I have to.”

And with that, I smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. I didn’t know where life would lead us, or what might change in a year. I wasn’t sure how I’d tell Dad, how I’d tell Nara. But I knew enough. I knew that the people in my life were good, that they deserved to be beside me. I knew that the ones who walked away from me weren’t meant to stay, and that they weren’t meant to come back either. I knew that the person I was becoming was someone I could finally believe in. And I knew that I could trust the people I loved to be there, always.

[putschki1969]

Harmony Magazine #5 ~ Hikaru Solo Interview

Note: Here’s my translation of Hikaru’s solo interview from the latest Harmony issue. Sorry this took so long. The interview focuses on Hikaru’s Birthday Event and how she felt about performing all by herself. All in all, it’s quite nice and it provides some insight. HERE’s my detailed event report in case you are interested. Without further ado, let’s get to it.

On July 31, her first solo event took place, 「"Hikaru" Birthday EVENT 2018」. After successfully facing this challenge and overcoming all obstacles Hikaru openly talked about her feelings to us. What were the thoughts that occupied her heart while she tried to convey her gratitude as intimately as possible, while she did everything within her power to fulfil everyone’s wishes - all those fan requests filled with love...

The current condition interview

◆ In today’s interview I would like to focus on what you felt after your Birthday Event. It was a very fun event, something only you could have done. When you suddenly came up on stage after the opening movie and straight up starting talking, I was quite surprised, I didn’t think that would happen *laughs*. Yes, after greeting everyone with a “thanks for coming today” I sat down on my chair and started talking *laughs*.  Even though I tried my best organising this event I felt like fans might become a little anxious in the beginning so in order to prevent that from happening, I thought it would be best to start the event with my talk corner. In the opening movie I tried to answer all the questions I had received by fans in the questionnaire, I put my answers on slides so they could be easily presented. In between I would occasionally insert a childhood picture of myself.

◆ Those pictures caused quite the commotion. Yes, it was quite an experience for me as well *laughs*. Even with all those pictures - pictures that I had never shown to anyone before - I wondered whether or not people would like that section.

◆ It was totally fine. I hoped it would be...I had received lots of casual questions so I thought the pictures would be fitting. Many people were asking me about my favourite characters or my favourite food, things like that. That’s why I chose this sort of quick and casual opening.

◆ After your talk corner, you introduced your live goods, something that everyone had been eagerly awaiting. Yes, it’s been quite some time, we didn’t have a goods introduction corner during our 10th Anniversary Live after all *laughs*. During the afternoon event everyone was quite calm and then during the evening the atmosphere felt very sophisticated *laughs*. All those things combined made me quite nervous.

◆ Did your event feel different during the day and at night? Yes, it’s very strange but they did feel quite different. I realised that the audience might be in a different mood depending on whether the sun is still out or not. And then there is the fact that I performed at Suntory Hall, a very special venue with a unique atmosphere so maybe that had an effect as well. At any rate, many people ended up buying the goods so maybe it was because they enjoyed my sales corner. At one point I couldn’t hold back a shriek of happiness when I found out that some of the items had been sold out. I was just so grateful~!

◆ Soon after your goods were also available in the online shop in response to the great demand. Something that everyone had been waiting for. For those who like to do things from home *laughs*.

◆ Then you had a Special Hikaru Corner where you introduced some of your favourite manga and recited a few of your most beloved scenes. There were really a lot of requests for you to do something like that. Yes, when we decided we would do that corner I really tried my very best. I made my choice by going through all the manga I had read so far. After I had decided on the manga I wanted to introduce I re-read them carefully, trying to find the perfect scenes to recite. I suddenly noticed all those amazing lines that hadn’t really caught my attention back in the day when I read those books for the first time. It was really quite fascinating to discover that. Take “Tenshi Nanka Janai” for example, I first read that back when I was still in high school, reading it now as an adult, there were so many parts that affected me so much more deeply than they did before, it made me feel like I had lived life properly in the past 15 years ever since coming across that manga for the first time *laughs*.

◆ The audience was captivated by your recital, they hung on your every word. That’s true, everyone was really kind and listened carefully to my talking. I wanted everyone to get an idea of what the stories are about and why I am so in love with these particular books. While I kept reciting my lines I hoped all of that would come across well. I also chose a different BGM for each work I introduced, I wanted the music to be related to the work *laughs*. For my introduction of “Ten-nai” “Stand By Me” was playing in the background. There is a lovely scene in the manga that involves this song. The heroine and hero of the story are in one of the student council rooms while an after-school festival is taking place. There they are dancing together while this song is playing.

◆ I thought it was a really great corner. How was it trying something like that for the first time? I was really nervous! I had intended to read the lines much slower but I ended up rushing through them quite a bit *laughs*. Tension makes people talk super fast. I was incredibly embarrassed. I realised that it is truly an intense mind practice *laughs*.

◆ When will you be doing it again...? Well, if everyone is really adamant about me doing it again...I might think about it *laughs*. I feel like there were a lot of people in the audience that don’t really care for manga at all, if I managed to awaken their interest in some of my most beloved manga then that would be really nice.

◆ Next up you did a Janken competition with everyone. As usual, you were a strong player *laughs*. Yeah, during the first few rounds the audience was losing *laughs*. At the night-time event a fan from Thailand won the game and came up on stage. It made me really happy to know someone from overseas had come to my event.

◆ You also played a reverse version of Janken. Those who kept losing to you would ultimately win the game. Quite the revolutionary system *laughs*. Hehe, yes, that was also a request by the fans.

◆ They probably came up with the idea because you are such a strong opponent. I have never played Janken with about 800 people in a single day so it’s definitely a precious memory. When we started our first round you could really feel everyone’s tension rising. People were getting up from their seats, ready to fight. It was a lot of fun. They were all excited for the game, you could tell they had been waiting for it *laughs*.

◆ Since everyone was rising from their seats to play all the reporters and staff people including myself also stood up. Unfortunately, I was defeated by you. Eh? Thanks so much for taking part! *laughs* That really was a unique experience, something we could have never done during our normal live shows. It was a really nice and exciting transition to the Live Corner.

◆ Your pianist Sakurada Hirotaka appeared on stage... The tension had been sizzling from our game of Janken but with the first song “Hōseki” the atmosphere immediately became somber and serious.

◆ Indeed, the atmosphere changed instantly. I auditioned with this song for Kalafina so I thought it would be nice to start my live with it and present it to everyone for the first time. Since this was my audition song, it holds a lot of meaning to me, all those memories of me being nervous suddenly came back to me. It was really difficult to sing it.

◆ It might be due to the world views presented in this song but you really created a mature atmosphere with an amazing singing voice. For this event, I tried to face the challenge of singing very mature arrangement. it made me really feel the depth and progress of the past ten years.

◆ Did you feel certain changes within yourself? When I imagine a song I am singing in my mind, I tend to not see the main character as young girl anymore. Many Kalafina songs portray the flow of time and usually I would be assigned the melodies sung from the point of view of a young girl.  Now that I am singing by myself, that has changed. In the past I would sing just looking straight ahead with only one world-view in mind. I guess it’s because I was still so young. And it was completely fine like that but little by little my way of thinking and interpreting lyrics changed. That’s why I wanted more profound and mature arrangements for this event.

◆ I think you conveyed that very well. Also, it was a lot of fun to have all these unique aspects for each song block. That’s right. My second block consisted of some of my favourite karaoke songs, lots of fans had requested that. I never thought I would be singing an Akina Nakamori* song in front of fans *laughs*. Back in the day I used to listen to my mother singing this song during karaoke. [* Kita Wing - one of my favourite performances that night]

◆ It was very refreshing to listen to you like that, I had never heard you sing with such a low voice before. It’s true, the melody is more or less in Keiko-san’s range.

◆ And then the tension kept rising when you sang “ARIA” which was pretty much the most requested song by your fans. Ah yes, “ARIA”...that really is a special song for me. It was the very first song I sang as part of Kalafina. I conveyed all my memories from back then and all the precious memories I had accumulated performing this song throughout the years. I think the atmosphere felt so deep and meaningful because all those memories, all those feelings were resonating while I was singing my version of “ARIA”. “ARIA” has very short yet profound lines like most of Yuki Kajiura-san’s songs. Because of that listeners have a lot of room for imagination and interpretation. Everyone has their own thoughts, their own sceneries so we all have our very own “ARIA”. it’s one of those songs that creates a unique atmosphere due to all the different thoughts and feelings overlapping. “ARIA” and “sprinter” realy are like that...they manage to expose the deepest parts of my heart. I feel like everyone was able to stare right into me.

◆ A truly precious moment. I was overcome with emotions, more than I would have expected. It looked like it really touched you as well. Oh definitely, there are just so many thoughts and feelings I associate with this song *laughs*. It’s really quite special for me.

◆ Next up was your Western Song Corner. As one would expect, your performance of English songs was really good! I thought it was nice to make some use of the skills I had attained during my school days...but really, aside from our Christmas lives I hadn’t really sung a lot of Western music before so it was quite the challenge for me. But I thought I would give it a try.

◆ I really didn’t expect “Blackbird” from the Beatles to get selected. I felt very much at peace listening to your soft singing voice. I sang with a different timbre, I used a slightly different style, one that I hadn’t really used as part of Kalafina. Quite airy and gentle, yet with a breathy intensity. It was my first time singing like that in front of an audience.

◆ Then you delivered two amazing performances, "Honesty” and “Just The Way You Are” by Billy Joel. These sort of Western songs really showcase the versatile nature of your voice and your range of expression was incredibly broad. Your performances seemed very natural. I am glad to hear that. The Western Song Block had a very warm and soft feel to it and it was a nice transition to the next block which was quite serious and profound *laughs*.

◆ Next up was another anisong block, right? Yes, there were really a lot of people who requested anisongs. I think aside from Kalafina songs, anisongs were the most requested songs in my questionnaire *laughs*.

◆ It was a good selection of staple songs that are known by everyone. “History Maker” was my personal favourite, I was very happy to hear you singing it. I had actually picked that song all by myself *laughs*. It was “My Request” so to speak. Translated into Japanese the title for the anime OP of “Yūri!!! On Ice” sung by Dean Fujioka means “a person that creates history”. With that in mind I thought it would be perfect for my current situation. I put all my soul into this song thinking of how I will continue to create my own history in the future while reflecting on my 10-year history as part of Kalafina. 

◆ Then, your final song, “sprinter”. It left a lasting impression with your voice that came straight from the heart and that arrangement which emphasised a feeling of absence. “sprinter” was truly difficult. Sakurada-san and I were worrying a lot about how to best arrange it. It’s because this song has always been about connecting with each other and connecting with the audience. But since “sprinter” and “ARIA” were the most highly requested songs, I wanted to sing them no matter what. As a result we had to come up with an arrangement like that because it was the only way I would be able to sing it all by myself. I ended up singing Keiko-san’s parts and even a few of Wakana-san’s parts. Wahhh, it really was super difficult.

◆ The song itself is quite difficult I think, the way you interpret it, how you sing it and how you convey your own feelings through it... Whenever I am singing this song a lot of feelings and emotions are carried across so this particular “sprinter” was a culmination of all of my past performances - memories of 10 years coming together...

◆ This Live Corner really felt like a roller coaster. Despite the time limit, the live was very powerful and it ended on an extremely high note. That’s what I was aiming for. I really wanted to keep this corner as dense as possible which is also why the MCs ended up being quite short. At the very end of my event, I waited at the exit to personally send everyone off with a final greeting. Since I was only able to hold this event in Tokyo I wanted to express my utmost gratitude to everyone who came to see me.

◆ You had four different types of postcards which you handed out at random, right? I had postcards with four different images and six different messages in total. The message also included a signature and the date. I would choose one of those for each fan. I had so many feelings within me, a single word just wouldn’t have sufficed. All those things I wanted to say came to my mind, that’s why I ended up with so many different messages *laughs*.

◆ I think everyone was surprised that these messages were hand-written and not printed on. Now after having finished such a meaningful birthday event, are there things that you have become aware of? While preparing for the event and the live part of it I have been able to reflect on my life. It was a truly important event for me. It was my first time standing on stage all by myself, a very special experience. And this time the messages in the after-live-questionnaire were all directed at me, usually they would be directed at Kalafina as a group. It felt quite weird. I am taking the first steps all by myself, I am like a peeping baby bird, like a newborn shaking and fumbling around but I just have to take those steps ahead. I used the opportunity to think about how to reset myself and how to walk on this new road. I have realised so many things during this event.

◆ I am looking forward to your next birthday event which is no doubt going to be even more powerful. I am also excited to see Hikaru-chan advancing forward from now on. There is still a long life ahead of me. Reflecting upon all the things that have happened in my life so far, dealing with the things that have happened. Keeping all of that in mind I would like to live life in a straightforward manner, I very much believe in facing life and its challenges head-on. I would like to continue forward by choosing that way of living while not losing my way, while sticking to my beliefs.

[readerwinterbarnes]

Bring Me Back

Bucky x Reader

Summary: Bucky’s stuck, stuck in a way where he thinks the therapy isn’t working. Thankfully he has you to help bring him back.

Word Count: 2,425

Warnings: Bucky’s lost, feels, trapped inside your own head, Bucky feels, fluffy fluff

A/N: Because why not have feels on a Friday? I just want to wrap Bucky in a blanket burrito, hold him tight and chase away his nightmares. Not a lot of dialogue in this one, but packed with tons of feels.

You headed into the kitchen to find something to snack on when you bumped into Steve and Natasha. 

“Hey guys,” You took in Steve’s somber expression and his lack of response, “You okay?” Turning your gaze to where theirs were, you noticed the reason why. Bucky was sitting in his spot again, it was never a good day when he sat there. Usually meant that he was having a drawback from himself and his countless therapies. It was always sad to see him like this, he would be doing so well, then he’d be pulled back three more steps. They watched as he just stared off into space, no longer acknowledging the world around him. Getting lost in his own thoughts, which was never good. For him or the team.

Steve sighed deeply, hurt that there was nothing he could really do to help his friend. “He’s been like this since yesterday. Apparently, the session with his therapist was a rough one, when he left he was no longer responding to anyone or anything. Just went back to his spot and been there ever since.” You could tell that Steve was trying to keep himself together, always needing to stay strong for the team, to keep his emotions dulled back until he could deal with them privately. Nat also seemed to look a little down as well, even if she didn’t show it.

Setting down your coffee, you looked back at them and Bucky’s still form. Making a decision, you got to work on breakfast. Grabbing a pair of bowls and all your favorite fruit along with Bucky’s from the fridge, you diced up everything then dumped it all into the bowls. Topping them both off with a side of yogurt and whip cream, since Bucky loved this type of food any time of day. And during a time like this, it would be easier for his stomach to handle, rather than eating heavy foods.

“Give us some time yeah? Just continue on with your normal daily routine Steve, he knows you’re worried about him, but sitting here and waiting for him to break out of it will only keep him like this longer. He’d hate to have you sit here and worry about him. I heard the gardens in the park look better than last year.” You smiled kindly at Steve, grabbing the fruit bowls and drinks, making your way over to Bucky. Knowing full well that Steve would take the hint and grab his art stuff to spend some personal time in the park.

You knew Bucky could tell that you were making your way towards him, his impeccable training always in use. You actually liked the spot he chose, it was by the window in the corner, enough room to move but also feel comfortable with the way it blocked everyone else out. The view was absolutely gorgeous, looking out towards the city skyline, especially when the sunset out on the horizon. It was calming in a way, quite, no loud noises, stress from traffic and the bustling life in the streets. Making sure you gave him his space, you sat down leaning against the opposite pillar, setting down his food and juice within his reach if he wanted it.

You looked out the window a bit, then started a game of Words With Friends with Nat, Tony, and Clint in between bites of fruit. You never asked how he was doing or feeling, cause honestly, that was pretty stupid and kinda obvious. Not to mention having a therapist hounding you with those type of questions would get annoying, let alone frustrating. No, Bucky always needed a different approach, one that reminded him that he was still and always a human being. Not some emotionless robot who couldn’t take care of himself.

“Nat you smart bastard, now I’m twenty points behind you. How the hell did you come up with that word quizzify?” You glared at the screen, looking at your own words thinking of how you can get your points back up to match hers. Playing with Nat was always a battle, each of you trying to out word the other. Not ten seconds after you put in your word, she responded with one that again put her a few points above you. “How? This is completely unfair, I swear she’s a living dictionary that one.” Taking another bite of fruit, you watched a pair of birds flying nearby, eventually them passing the window. However, that wasn’t the movement that caught your eye. You noticed Bucky’s arm twitch before slowly reaching for his own bowl of fruit. You didn’t acknowledge it though, not wanting him to draw back into himself again. He’ll talk when he’s ready, so you weren’t going to push him into responding to you.

So you continued on with your game, cursing under your breath when Nat put down another word that put her in the lead. Again. Eventually, you finished your fruit, then moved onto your juice. After losing yet another game with Nat, you gave up and decided to play a different game, Maze Runner, loving the adrenaline rush it gave you. You were so involved in the game, close to beating your personal high score, not to mention Clint’s, that you failed to notice Bucky watching you. Head tilted to the side slightly without turning his body, but his full attention was focused on you.

The way your whole focus was on the game you played, determination filling your face, the way you stuck out your tongue in concentration. Which he actually found adorable. He knew you couldn’t tell that your body was leaning forwards more with each passing second, focus still on your phone. But he watched the excitement fill your eyes, worried they were going to pop out of your head as they continued to widen. Soon enough, you were on your knees cheering in victory as you finally beat your high score.

“Beat that Clint! Ha! Beat my score AND yours!” Forgetting who you were with at the moment, you jumped up and put your fists in the air in Rocky mode, but your moment was short-lived, as you came to your senses and realized that you were not quite alone and had an amused silent audience. Fists still in the air, you looked down to see Bucky looking up at you with a hint of a sparkle in his eyes. The corners of his lips twitching, wanting so desperately to smile, but held back. “Uh, sorry ‘bout that. Um...been trying to beat my high score for a while and Clint always managed to beat me…” when you received no response from him, you sheepishly lowered your arms, now self-conscious of your actions.

“Hehe, you probably don’t need to hear about that,” you said quietly, hoping that you weren’t making this situation any more awkward than it already was. Well in your opinion it was, you probably looked like a total nutcase in front of him. Which didn’t help, since you had feelings for the rugged, hard-muscled assassin, who just happened to be your best friend.

Then again, you got no response from him, except his eyes watching you, you decided to end the awkward moment and leave. Starting to pick up your empty dishes, you refused to meet his eyes. Probably thinking that he’d actually want to be alone now and have his space. But a quiet voice made for only one person to hear, stopped you from going any further than a few feet.

“Please don’t go.”

Standing straight, you replayed those words over and over again. And they always came out the same way, broken, alone, frightened of what would happen if you were to disappear. Of what would happen to him if he was left alone. A voice that so desperately wanted someone to stay with him, protect him from whatever was going on through his head. Someone who desperately wanted a friend, who specifically wanted you to stay.

He wasn’t looking at you when you turned around, but you could tell that he was watching you. Waiting to see if you’d actually act on his plea for help. He might be the most feared assassin anyone has seen and read about, who always had the perfect mask on 24/7, but what you saw in front of you was the complete opposite. You saw a man who believed he was truly broken and couldn’t be fixed, no matter how many countless hours of therapy he goes to. Or how deep he goes into explaining his daily torture of memories of a life he once had, one he was forced to have and one he wasn’t quite sure how to adapt to.

Setting the dishes on the ground, you went to the couch and pulled a few pillows, Tony’s huge comforter and headed back to Bucky. Without saying a word, you laid everything out, then proceeded to lie down on your back. Once situated, you looked at him and opened your arms in invitation. Hoping that he’d take it and just be comforted. He didn’t need much convincing, for he took your offer right away. Crawling towards you, until he was sprawled out by your side, ear placed over your heart, head tucked underneath your chin. He grabbed the end of the comforter and threw it across both your bodies so only your guys' heads were peeking out from underneath. You didn’t say anything when you felt your shirt grow damp, nor did you say anything about his shoulders shaking with quiet sobs of pain. Instead, you just held him, kissing his forehead, whispering softly to him, brushing the hair out of his face. But mainly just holding him, giving him the comfort he so desperately wanted but was terrified to ask for.

Safety in your own cocoon, the two of you laid there for hours. The room quiet despite the sounds of whimpers and soft-spoken words. Soon enough, Bucky cried himself to sleep. Carefully, you wiped away the remaining tears, tangling your legs with his, freezing when he began to shuffle around so he was practically spooning you like a koala. Which you didn’t mind, you’d be his tree, if he’d be your koala.

“You’re safe now Bucky, you’ll always be safe here. And I’ll always be here to bring you back, to fight your demons when you think you can’t. Sleep well my favorite assassin.” You whispered softly to him before you yourself slipped off to sleep.

You woke up to a bright light shining on your face. Squinting your eyes, you look around to see that you slept through the rest of yesterday, the night and it was now late morning. Your movement caused a tiny whimper from your left. Turning towards the sound, memories of last night came back to you, as you watched Bucky shift slightly before settling back on your chest. You didn’t dare move, not wanting to disturb the deep sleep he was getting.

Looking over his shoulder, you noticed the rest of the team standing at the entrance of the room shocked. Unsure of how to respond to the sight before them. Nat, however, was the first one to act. “We’ll get started on breakfast and call you when it’s ready. Is he still only able to stomach fruit?” That’s what you loved about Nat, her tendency to care deeply for everyone, even if she was careful about how she displayed it.

Nodding, she smiled at you before heading towards the kitchen with everyone minus Steve. Who was standing there like a pillar that threatened to crumble down in a heap from a single blow. You knew he wanted to know how his friend was doing and if he managed to climb out of this whole he was currently in. Running your fingers through Bucky’s hair, holding him tighter to you, feeling overjoyed when he responded positively to the action. You gave Steve an encouraging smile, which he understood perfectly. Smiling himself, shoulders relaxing a bit more, before heading to the kitchen himself.

Breakfast was now ready and you hated when Bucky missed a meal, especially breakfast, his most favorite meal of the day. So you had no choice but wake him up, calling his name tenderly. “Bucky, you have to get up. Nat and the guys made breakfast.”

“Mmnn...don’wanna. No breakfast, s’tired, girlfriend comfy…” He grumbled back uninterested in getting up, you, however, were frozen at the last statement. Girlfriend? What? “Stop thinking so hard, heard your confession, which was quite adorable by the way. And yes before you act, I share the same feelings towards you Y/N. And would like you to be my girlfriend...if you want.” You turned your head towards him, to already find him looking at you, uncertainty but a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“I’d love to be your girlfriend!” Replying cheerfully, but quickly composed yourself, “I mean...sure.” Bucky shook his head, smiling widely at you, lifting himself onto his elbow to gaze down at you fondly. You held your breath, waiting anxiously for his next move, secretly hoping that he’d kiss you. Which he did. He leaned down the rest of the way, sliding his lips over yours slowly, humming deeply when you responded in kind. Sadly, the kiss was short-lived, but you didn’t mind.

“You have no idea how much you mean to me Y/N. You always manage to bring me back from my darkest times, when I feel as if nothing is working.” He leaned his forehead against yours breathing deeply, “You never left me alone, never pushed me and were just...there for me.” You held his face in your hands.

“I’ll always help bring you back Bucky, you’d do the same for me.” There were a few seconds of silence before your stomach grumbled loudly in complaint of not having breakfast. Bucky laughed out loud, getting the message. Standing up, he offered you his hand helping you up, still holding onto your hand as you both made your way to the kitchen to join the others for breakfast. Bucky sat beside Nat, you across from Steve who looked thrilled to see Bucky smiling and laughing with Nat and Clint. You gave him a knowing nod, letting him know that Bucky was going to be okay.

And you meant what you said to Bucky before, you’d always be there to help bring him back. Knowing he would never be alone.

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Do I Wanna Know (part 2)

Alex Standall x Reader

Do I Wanna Know part 1

A/N: Hello guys! I finally gave in and wrote a part 2 of this. I’m going to stick to one shots from now on though since I don’t want to leave stories hanging, especially now that I’m back at uni. Speaking of school, I apologize in advance if updates are slow. If I haven’t replied to your requests, I’m either working on it already or it’s included in my list so please bear with me. Also, thank you for reading my imagines.Much love! I had to use this gif of Madelaine just because she is gorgeous and that dress is so beautiful. It’s also relevant with most of the scene in this imagine since winter formal hehe

Bolded and Italicized sentences are lyrics from Jason Mraz’s I won’t give up.

On weekends, you and Alex meet up to rehearse the song at his house. Other times, you do it after class when both of you are free. It had been like that for the past three weeks and now, tonight is the night. A night to remember, to make impressions, and to sing your heart out to a song contradicting the desolation you feel. Winter formal and events like it are allegedly the highlight of high school, which is not surprising at all. Tonight, after all, is a night of slow dances, taking risks, and of firsts. However, for you it is a night you dread for the closure you yearn. You were already parked near the gym of the Liberty high and yet, you can’t help but sit still and anxiously tug on the flower on your wrist. The idea of entering the venue and getting closer to your moment of embarrassment is not too enticing just yet.

A tap on your side of the window diverted your attention from the flower, it was Courtney and two other girls. You awkwardly smiled at them and carefully got out of the car making sure you don’t step on your velvet gown.

“Nervous for your debut tonight?” Courtney asked. You breathed out a sigh and laughed feeling your nerves relaxed a little. She took you by the arms and excitedly engaged you in conversation talking about how the sophomores had to re do the decorations in just two days. As you neared the gym, you muttered a low “fuck, let’s do this.” making your companions chuckle.

As soon as you entered the gym, Courtney and her friends excitedly went to the dance floor already forgetting about you. You smiled at their excitement and went on your way walking around to find a particular blonde. Easy enough, you found him drinking pulp beside the table filled with food. You waved as you walk towards him and you felt his gaze on you as if he was studying you.

“You look decent tonight, Y/L/N.” Alex said with a hint of his usual cheekiness. You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“Thank you. You’re starting to look like a decent human yourself.” You clap back. Before you could continue your banter, Ryan Shaver appeared between you.

“You’re up in 3. Be ready to sweep these people off their feet.” He nonchalantly said before walking off towards the DJ station not even waiting for your response. You bit your lips in nervousness as you look at the people gathered in the middle, dancing so fervently.

“What are you worried for? You’ve got a nice singing voice it’s like constipated angels were humming.” Alex teased. You lightly punched him in the shoulder before walking towards the stage just right in front of the DJ station.

“ Let’s give it up for Alex Standall and Y/N Y/L/N to serenade us with this special song. Perfect time to get close and intimate with that special someone.” Ryan announced.

“Do you wanna say something first?” You whispered to Alex to which he just shook his head. “Alright, but I thought you were going to serenade Jessica with this? Don’t you wanna…you know?”

“In private, I will.” He said. You nodded and got into position, you took the mic from the stand and held it nervously. You scanned the room looking at the people who are already occupying the center of the gym.

“To the people who are helplessly in love. To those who continuously choose to love despite the torment and heartache. To the people who keep on holding on despite the hopelessness you feel. You are all loved and you deserve happiness! This song is a shout out for all of you. ” You said closed eyes before turning to Alex signaling him to begin.

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use

The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake

You sang about not giving up while you thought of letting go. Guilt is eating you up but you also know that Alex wouldn’t really care if you gave up, that he’d be fine, and that you must do what you must for the pain to stop.The song finishes and bigger crowd soon formed in the gym when Tony started playing a more upbeat song. Alex high fived you and went off to find Jessica, while you decided to sit on the bleachers to pass the time. You walked up to Hannah who happily welcomed your company.

“Your voice is really beautiful.” Hannah complimented.

“Really? I’m glad. I was sweating buckets during that performance.” You chuckled. “Uh I think Clay is looking at you.” You said darting your eyes to the other side of the room. She excitedly but unsurely grinned at you.

“Go on, Hannah. Enjoy yourself! Anyways, I have somewhere I need to be soon.” You assured her. She went on her merry way towards the dance floor. You can’t help but smile at the two of them, both obviously likes the other so much, if only one of them would ask the other out already.

You scanned the room immediately seeing the blonde who stood out amongst brunettes. There he was happily chatting with the girl he is head over heels in love with. The mere fact that you felt jealous was something you’ve always felt guilty about, you want Alex to be happy, you really do but you also hoped that he would stop pining over his taken ex. Soon after, Jessica went with Sheri to the dance floor. With shaking legs and rapidly beating heart, you went over to Alex excusing him from his jock friends.

“Alex, can I talk to you for a second?” You asked him nervously, you could swear your voice quivered. The blonde, on the other hand, straightaway noticed the seriousness of your tone. You nervously but calmly walked out of the gym with him trailing behind you.

“What’s wrong,y/n?”

“Nothing is wrong. Everything is fin-”

“You’ve got teary eyes…yeah sure everything is fine.” He said sarcastically.

“Alex, just fucking listen. I mean it when I said that everything is fine. I just have to get some things off my chest before I can finally move forward. I’m so sorry.” You shifted your gaze away from him, the floor suddenly becoming much more interesting.

“I…I love you, Alex. Don’t worry! I’m not expecting you to return the feelings.  I mean I already know, I’m the girl you talk to about Jessica. ” you smiled through your tears. He looked confused, speechless and clueless as to what to do. You took that moment to hug him before walking away. It might be selfish telling him all this. It might be contradictory to say you want him to be happy but also distance yourself from him. It might have been better to not tell him anything at all and just keep quiet, but well, the damage between you has been done and you are the catalyst.

It has been two weeks since the winter formal, since you’ve talked to Alex. Not even in band rehearsals since you decided to skip the weekly sessions. Sometimes, you would see him around the campus, but you always ended up either going the other way or pretending you did not see him. Once during gym class, Zach casually approached you asking what happened between the two of you, but you just shrugged at him, not giving an answer.However, something he said struck you. “Alex looks miserable at best.” You feel your heart sink knowing you contributed in putting him in that position. He must have realized how ridiculous it was to go after Jessica when she already has Justin and you abandoned him when he needed someone the most.

A crowd was gathered near the entrance of the campus, there seems to be a fight so you casually approached to see who it was. You feel an overwhelming amount of panic, stomach was churning at the sight of Alex being beaten to a pulp. You scrambled towards them trying to pull Monty away from Alex to no avail.

“Fuck Monty, fucking stop! A little help?!” You yelled looking at the people surrounding you,  but no one came. You saw some familiar faces, some of his friends even but they were frozen. Not a single person moved to help. Monty finally stood up leaving a bloodied Alex on the ground. You ran to Alex’s side helping him stand up.

“The fuck were you thinking picking fights, Standall?!?” You yelled at him in a low voice as you help him stand up.

“Oh so now we’re talking?!” Alex was pissed. Wide eyed, you stared at him not knowing what to say. While guilt over your damaged friendship may eat you up, you do not regret telling him how much he means to you and how much you love him…except maybe during moments that you yearned to talk to him, to tell him something that happened to you or maybe just a random fact you found online.

“Chill. You look like you saw a fucking ghost.” He sighed. “….Listen, I understand why you want to distance yourself. And I may not see you as how I saw Jess….but that doesn’t mean you are any less important to me. That doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

“You’re one of the only good things going on for me and i’m fucking losing my shit, y/n. Please, I don’t want to lose you too. Not you, y/n.” His voice somber, devoid of his usual cheekiness, and he sounded almost monotonous if not for his voice quivering. His hand held you by the wrist and you can just feel their slight trembling as he try to keep a straight face. Being his best friend, you’ve been his support system for the past years and while it was rare seeing Alex like this, him coming undone was always very raw and intense. It was almost impossible for you to deny him. Speechless, you lunged yourself towards him, holding him in your arms.

“I love you too much to let you lose me, you fucking idiot.” You mumbled tears flowing. He smiled rubbing your back in the embrace.

And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not, and who I am

“So..before things get awkward I might as well come clean and let you know now, since you didn’t let me speak before you left the winter formal.” He said smiling as he wiped away your tears. “Remember when I asked you to change the song the day before the event?” You nodded in response.

“A week or so before that, I didn’t really see any sense anymore, especially because she was already happy. I wanted to talk to her to be sure that I was ready and if the past two weeks made me realize anything it is that I am and that you mean so much more to me than what  I thought before.”

“Are you taking advantage of my feelings, Standall?” You joked but he just stared at you, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sigh exasperatedly before finally cupping your face in between his soft and bony hands.

“Ugh I know this isn’t an ideal time but fuck it i’m done being too blind to see what is in front of me all along. I just want to be with you, y/n. Maybe we can give it a shot?” He asked nervously.

“Well, well, well how the tables have turned.” You smirked and he just rolled his eyes before looking at you with hopeful eyes again. “Look, Alex I love you so much but if we’re going to give this a shot I want you to be sure, I want dont want you to do this because you feel sorry or anything I wan–”

Before you could finish your sentence, he kissed you gently, which soon turned passionate and hungry and as both of you come up for air…..

“Hey, no PDA near the school premises, Mr. Standall and Ms. L/N! What are you doing out here? classes will soon begin.” you turned towards the voice only to see Mr. Porter in his car. You mutter an apology to him and not soon after a thankfully short preaching, he left the two of you by the side walk. A few students still walking by trying to catch up before the bell.

“Is that sure enough for you?” Alex asked smugly grinning at you. You rolled your eyes, lightly punching him in the chest.

“I don’t know, Standall. It feels a bit forced and hesitant and um..um…” You said sarcastically. Alex, in response, just chuckled, ruffling your hair and pulled you with him towards the entrance of the school.

[fortune-failing]

Faedon Breakup

Day 53 (Night of Session 84) - Ainsley Inn Day 54 (Morning of Session 84) - Ainsley Inn (just prior to London arc)

Summary: Faedon breakup.  Gay Level: Medium (3/5)

London

London's hand slid across a wood dresser as he stepped into the inn room. He was unusually observant that night looking around at minor things like the clock and bedframe. Eventually he settled on the windowsill and spent the next few minutes staring outside. He seemed unusually restless in that he simply sat there - not saying a word since arriving.

Faelian

Faelian heads into the room soon after London did and greets him with a simple hello. He soon notices London's sitting staring out the window unusually somber. He heads over to him and glances out the window before looking back at London. "You okay?"

London

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, London did greet Faelian back. He wasn't that out of it. :seduce: He blinked and smiled back at the taller man. "I'm alright."

Faelian

"You sure?" He looks at London for a few moments before looking out the window as well. "What are you watching?"

London

"Not really." His head slumps back. He returns to peering out the glass of the window, resting his temple against the frame. "It's nice here, isn't it? I was just looking around."

Faelian

He sits beside London to also stare out the window. He isn't sure he believes London isn't upset over something but he decides he won't ask just yet. Maybe London would bring it up on his own. "Yeah. It's really pretty. I wish we could walk around and enjoy it but there's probably no chance anytime soon."

London

"Hehe, yeah. With the Red Crown soldiers around, that'd be too dangerous." He moves to make room for Faelian to sit too. "A lot has changed..." Faelian hears him exhale a sigh.

Faelian

"Yeah. We can't afford risks like that.." He tilts his head a little and looks over at the other. "What's changed?" Their travels? The place? Something else?

London

Not turning his head, London's eyes glance back at the blonde. "Us.... The people around us.... You, me... Everything... It's a little scary to think about..."He resumes looking towards the darkness outdoors.

Faelian

Faelian keeps his eyes on London for a few minutes without speaking. Eventually he gives him a small nod. "Yeah. Things have changed. But this isn't the first time I've seen you change. You were different when we first met too. Change is scary, huh? But sometimes change is good. Refreshing even."

London

In those minutes nothing was spoken, London retained a serious face, but after Faelian finally replied a deep sigh was let out. "Gods the atmosphere here is tense!" He brought his knees to his chest to further invite Faelian to sit next to him and smiled while looking directly at him. "You're right. I think it can be good."

Faelian

"Yeah.. I'm really nervous too." He takes London's invite and sits next to him closely. He puts one of his arms around the red bard's back to half hug him. "Yeah, you stopped drinking and bathe more. Those were good. It makes me happy to see you taking better care of yourself."

London

London's smile seems to grow and he nuzzles his head a bit into that awkward half hug. He holds that pose until he finally speaks up once again, backing his head with a serious expression. "Um. After everything that has happened... I think we should break up."

Faelian

Faelian feels sick instantly. It felt like his heart was suddenly stabbed. He lowered his head, hiding his face behind his bangs and felt tears threatening to fall. He's silent for what seems to be a very long time before speaking again. "..But why..? I thought things were getting better..." His hand clings onto the side of London's shirt and he continues hiding his face.

London

His lips shook hearing that pained response. London could have sworn he was breathless but words still managed to fall from his mouth. "Have they? I'm not sure..." He lowered his head taking note of the elf's grip on his shirt. Shit, this was hard. "It's just.. you were right about a lot of things. I overreact too easily and make promises I'm too scared to keep. I don't understand what I want out of life, but here I am making all of these life changing choices, ha ha... I really am just one hell of an idiot..." His voice quieted into a whisper.

 "When it comes to love, lust, and friendship, I really can't see the line... Maybe I have actually been looking at it all wrong, and it really is love I don't understand..."  ...  "I thought I did..." ... "But I don't." ... "Letting things get this far over something I didn't understand was my fault, and I really should have noticed it sooner... There's a lot I have to get passed before I can even consider it, I think...." His mumbles finally come to a stop.

Faelian

He doesn't speak until London is finished and it takes him a while to actually find any words. "...I thought they were.. but maybe I was just hoping they were." Tears fall down his cheeks now, not that London can see them because he's still hiding his face. In fact he pulls his legs up against his chest, wrapping his arms around them and placing his face into his knees. 

"..So I guess that's that..." He wasn't going to talk him into staying with him. Not this time. Not after hearing London admit those things. Not while knowing London was right. Not while knowing things would only get worse if he continued to cling onto him like he had. It really hurt though. "...Maybe we can try again someday, when you learn some stuff. ...Maybe.." He sniffles.

London

Now he really was breathless. London held his mouth open searching for the right words to say. If he tried too hard to comfort him, that would just make things worse, wouldn't it? Biting his lip, London looked out the window again. The colorful lights of the city nightscape made him feel dizzy. 

"All things considered... I learned a lot by being with you..." A lack of confidence made his voice lower. "You helped me a lot, and I'll always treasure the time that we've spent together..." And lower. "Um..." Ah, now he really was making things worse. He was sure of it.

Faelian

London couldn't even say maybe. Not even when he has all the time in the world now. He couldn't even give him that. Faelian sniffles again and lets out a small sad laugh. "I guess you can't even give me that hope either..? Forget I asked... Okay?" 

He really really wanted to leave the room right now. What an awful time for this to hit him. It was too risky to leave. He hugged his legs tighter and continued to silently cry into them.

London

Fuck fuck fuck "W-wait! I didn't mean not to answer! Of course we can probably try again later!! I just got sort of distracted.. or lost in my own thoughts...." Now he didn't know what he was saying. "I'm sure I really do love you! I'm just confused... and um..." London was aware he was fumbling hard. He was sure there was more he had wanted to say, but piecing that together with his current train wreck of a thought process was going to be difficult. "Do you want to have sex right now?!" His voice echoed through the inn room.

Faelian

Faelian finally moves his face from his knees to peek at the other with furrowed brows, most of his face is still hidden. "Do you mean that or are you just saying it because i'm upset? And no way. I absolutely do not want to have sex right now. Don't use sex as an apology or when you don't know what else to do."

London

"I-I mean... I did owe you... and I thought it might make you feel better..." Why was he still talking? London was aware that Faelian's issue was with love and not sex, but shit if this wasn't part of his original plan. "I.." Well, what else was he wanting to say? "Also I'm... happy to be alive right now! To meet you and go on these adventures... and I'll try harder to live from now on... okay..?"

Faelian

"..You dodged the question again. Just tell me honestly, London, or else I won't know what to think." He sits up a little more while looking at the other. It looked like he was done crying for now. "We already talked about that. I don't want apology sex ever again. Just calm down okay? Me crying isn't the end of the world..." 

He sniffles again and starts wiping his face with his sleeves. "You are..? You will? ....How come? It was only a few days ago you said the exact opposite."

London

"Wh...what are you wanting to know?..." He could feel the pressure of the window frame behind him. But that was actually caused by the fact he was backing into it, not because the world was closing in on him, he had to remind himself. With heavy breaths London looked back, assessing Faelian's now less watery blue eyes and ready to attempt answering the final set of heavy questions. "I............think....?" Godfuckingdammitlondon. Even he was starting to feel a little impatient with himself.

Faelian

Faelian watched London silently until he answered him. He sighed heavily and looked down at his knees. "...So you really can't answer.. well don't worry because I won't ask it again.." 

"Anyway.. i'm not sure I believe you but.. if you really will try harder to live then i'm glad.. " He gives the other bard a small sad smile.

London

In return, it was clear London was very distraught and confused. "Um... hold on.. I'm not sure what you were asking..." Everything was blurring. He blinked and wiped some of his own tears off his face.

Faelian

Faelian frowns and he feels tears of his own threaten to fall once again at seeing London wiping his own face like that. "H-Hey! Don't cry.. it's okay.. I'll ask again.. so please calm down.." He moves to sit beside London and takes his hand and gives it a squeeze between both of his own. "Take a few deep breaths okay?"

London

Shit "I.. I'm not! Don't look at me! It's embarrassing!" London waved him off and turned further towards the frame. Embarrassing... He sighed heavily. 

After a few minutes passed, he spoke up again, more calm than he was a bit ago. "....I shouldn't answer you right now. I'm still confused. I really don't understand anything, and I don't want to give false hopes or expectations based on that. I'm sorry, Faelian.." 

"The truth is I want to believe in love, and I want to believe I love living and life, but maybe I'm just fooling myself... I don't think I'll truly understand anything 'till later... If I ever do..." His purple eyes finally glanced back.

Faelian

He wanted to say something to London about having cried his own eyes out just now and to not call it embarrassing but he decided against it. Now wasn't the time. Faelian just silently held onto London's hand for now. It was like he thought. London couldn't make him this promise.. not even after all those things he'd said to him in the past. London really couldn't keep any promises and now he couldn't even make them. 

"..Alright, London. That's fair.. I wouldn't want you to lie to me anyway.. I still hope we can try again in the future but.. um.." He trails off. "Don't worry about it alright?" He glances at London and pats his hand. "I'm sure you'll understand someday.. Or at least.. I hope you can, for yourself."

London

"Yeah...." Weren't there other things he wanted to say? His mind was totally blank now. All he could think to do was hold Faelian's hand back silently.

Faelian

Faelian lets the silence hang in the air for a while before speaking. "Are you feeling alright now?" 

"I'm sorry I got so worked up.. I.. didn't realize that it was that hard for you too..." He look down, feeling ashamed.

London

"You don't need to apologize... I'm the one who should be sorry. If I didn't rush into everything, then you wouldn't have needed to deal with all the stress I put you through.... Well.... If I didn't take everything out of proportion...then that could have helped, too..." He sighs and releases Faelian's hand after what felt like an hour. (It wasn't actually an hour.) "Sorry."

Faelian

"I made mistakes too.. and didn't see things were as bad as they were so.. don't worry about it. We've been stressing each other out without meaning to for a while now so it'll be nice to not have to worry about stuff anymore..." The last sentence is spoken much more quietly than the rest and he sighs softly afterwards. He wanted to ask something else but.. maybe later.. if it came up again anyway. 

Now that his hand was free he moved and opened the window. His face was tired and hot from crying and the night air felt really nice on his skin. He leaned his head on the window pane and just looked at the night sky.

London

"Mm..." It was difficult to know what to say to that. London chose to focus on his hands after Faelian let in the seasonal breeze. It did feel nice at least...

Faelian

Faelian stayed quiet for a little while longer. It was hard to know what to say after everything had happened. He eventually moved away from the window and covered up in the bed. "Um.. I guess i'm just going to go to sleep now."

London

"Huh? Already?!" It was like London snapped out of a trance. "If you want..."

Faelian

"..I'm just not sure what to say now.. I don't mind talking more though..."

London

"I.. don't know what to say, either... Maybe it's for the best." He returned to looking out the window. "I'll probably be awake for a while longer."

Faelian

"Alright. Goodnight London. Sleep well.. and um.. I love you. So don't ever doubt that, okay?" He moves a little under the covers before getting comfortable.

London

It was already out of sight from Faelian, but London opened his mouth to reply but stopped himself. A quiet 'goodnight' was heard then only silence. Then after a little more time a quieter 'I love you, too'.

Faelian

Faelian didn't say anything but he appreciated hearing it. He laid still trying to doze off.

London

In the passing silence an even quieter voice spoke out. "Are you really sure you don't want to have sex?...."

Faelian

He lays there with his eyes closed for a few moments without reacting to those words. "Positive." He opens his eyes and looks back at the other. "...Maybe next time." 

London was so confusing. 

... 

He propped himself up a little and furrowed his brows at the other. "Does that mean you still want to be friends that are closer than normal friends? Because if you're offering me apology sex again I might smack you.”

London

London looked back at him with his arms wrapped loosely around his legs, smiling. "I don't know... It's not an apology at least. I'll stop nagging you and let you sleep."

Faelian

Faelian gives him a small smile back. "Alright. Goodnight again, London." He gets comfortable under the blankets again.

It really annoyed him that the other was so confused about what he wanted. At least now he might calm down some.. He hoped so anyway.

The next morning

London

It seems London did not move from his spot by the window and now continued sleeping there even with the morning light covering him and the noise of the city outside.

Faelian

When Faelian returned from a conversation with Pawo he noticed right away that London was asleep by the window sill. He just watched him for a while before laying on the bed. He wondered why things had to be so difficult with the other bard. He still felt that disappointed feeling tug at his heart and stomach. He didn't even know what to expect between them anymore.

He sighed heavily and slowly sat up.

London

A loud noise of a crash nearby startled that bard, and he began looking around for answers. His eyes settled on Faelian and instead of assessing the noise, he assessed his memories of the last night. 

"Good morning...." He spoke but still sounded a little tired.

Faelian

"...Good morning.." What was so good about it...? "You should have slept in the bed. You'll get a crick in your neck sleeping like that."

London

"Yeah... but it was so comfy!" He fakes a laugh after delivering his weak excuse. "Um, are you going to be okay today?"

Faelian

"Somehow I doubt that's comfortable." Faelian looks at his hands for a few moments and then back up at London. He gives him a small nod. "Yeah..."

London

That seemed less likely than feeling comfortable sleeping on a windowsill, but London didn't want to call him out on that. He stared down at his feet for a few minutes. "Do you think breaking up is a mistake?"

Faelian

He shakes his head. "No. With the way you've been stressed out and overwhelmed by everything it's probably for the best... I just.. I don't know what to expect between us now, I guess.."

London

"I really don't know if it will be better or worse for me...." He continues looking at his feet. "But I do know I should have handled things better instead of... leaping before I look I guess.... It's a bad habit of mine, huh?"

Faelian

"It will probably be better.. You won't have to worry as much about everything." He reaches over and pats London's hand. "Yeah, you kinda do. You gotta get out of that habit.."

London

"I don't really feel better.... but things are about to get tense, so I wanted to settle this beforehand, I guess.. I don't want to risk taking things out on you. We should probably distance eachother some." His head lowers. "But now I feel really alone. I shouldn't rely completely on you, but I also shouldn't push everyone away. This is a mess. I really don't know what I'm doing."

Faelian

"I don't really understand what this has to do with that but.. I appreciate that you don't want to take things out on me." He furrows his brows and frowns. "I don't want to distance myself from you.. why do you even think we should do that? If you need some space that's fine but I don't want you to push me away, it's not fair. I'm your friend before anything else London and it's not right to try to push me away completely. I'll be here for you whether you like it or not."

London

London nods before looking up at him. "You mean it?"

Faelian

Faelian nods strongly. "You better not try to push me away like before. I'll be really mad at you. I told you that I always wanted to be your friend. And I'll always be here for you."

London

"Of course I don't want you completely away!!" He corrects himself with more intensity than probably is necessary. "I mean.... last night, I was kind of insensitive. I shouldn't cling to you for love just because I'm feeling lonely, but I feel like it's something I'm bound to do. I need to get stronger. Strong enough to not depend on anyone else. Ah..." 

He sighs backs away enough to peer at the ceiling. "I scolded you for this exact same thing before. I'm sorry..."

Faelian

Faelian gives a short nod with an intense look. "Good." At least that had been reassured. "Yeah. It was insensitive... and sex and love aren't the same thing anyway. Asking to hold me would have been much better if you wanted to feel comforted." 

"I think you do need to get stronger.. things upset you too easily.. but getting stronger doesn't have to mean not depending on anyone. It's good to be able to depend on yourself more but everyone has to depend on someone else sometimes. Don't try to handle everything on your own."

London

"N-no way!" London spoke up. "If I asked you to hug me, then I might as well say 'Forget what I said and let's never break up, Faelian.' It was already hard enough to say things as it was..." 

He sighs. "I am overreacting, though. It's just scary to think about... We'll see how it goes. As for the future... well... let's just stay focused on being friends for the time being. We just broke up, so it'd be stupid to say things like 'let's get back together later' or 'wait for me to grow up some, and we'll see'. I just told you last night I was going to stop making promises I wasn't sure about. I don't want to get your hopes up over something that I can't guarantee. I do love you... just as friends, I guess.. There's a lot I need to learn about love before I try something like that again..."

Faelian

"Would it have really been like that? Friends hug too you know.." 

He sighs softly. "At least you tried... I had some fun and I'll miss being so close with you but It really is for the best..." He messes with his own hands while looking down at them. "Alright.." 

"I love you too London, in both kind of ways. But yeah.. it seems like you have a lot to learn before trying something like that again." He stresses the words a lot. "And it really is better if you don't make any promises you can't keep anymore at all."

London

London opened his mouth to debate but then thought maybe it'd be better not to. "I've always had fun with you, and hopefully that won't ever change." He instead smiled then turned to look outside. "And, well... I think we both needed to learn a thing or two from this... Wasn't it too soon to be making promises like that in the first place... We've only been dating a month now..."

Faelian

"I've always had a lot of fun with you too, London. I hope that won't change either." 

"It's true that I need to learn some things too but.. not as much as you." He scratches into his hair and lets out a soft sigh. "Yeah but.. i'm a sucker for romantic stuff and they really made me happy... So it's better if you think before making promises in the future."

London

"I know what I did wrong... but what I'm saying is, you shouldn't have agreed to a lifelong promise to live your life with someone the day you started dating them, too." He stares out the window, continuing to avoid looking in the elf's direction. "And even then, it's silly to take it all so seriously... I really got way too worked up over everything this entire time, thinking I owed it and stuff, but that's not what love is... We were both children thinking we could plan our future together after only just starting a relationship."

Faelian

Faelian flops back on the bed and sighs heavily. "I know..I know." Her rubs at his face and sighs again. "It's not like all this hasn't taught me anything. I know that you're right. I can't help but feel disappointed though but i'll get over it."

London

"Yeah, it is disappointing, isn't it?..." He sounded glum but then beamed up. "Next time, you should make sure it's someone who agrees with your idea of a future wholeheartedly, so there's no room for mistakes! Oh, also make sure they're not just lonely. I guess that's a big thing too..." London smiled and looked back towards the other man on the bed. 

"Also even if we're not in a relationship, I don't think I'll be against sex sometimes. And you're right, comforting each other is a friend-thing to do, too! We really don't have to change things too much, I think."

Faelian

He lets out another heavy sigh. "Yeah... It's not too bad at least." He mumbles out the last bit. "I don't think there will be a next time for a while and when there is a next time I think i'm going to be less serious in new relationships." 

He moves to lay on his side and look at London. "You don't mind?" London really was confusing but he wasn't against that idea. "Alright then, it's good that too much won't change. I really like sleeping beside you and stuff."

London

London smiles looking back at him, but inwardly he's sweating. "W-well, I mean! We should change things some.... Otherwise, nothing is different... If you're feeling sad, I want to talk to you. And if you want to have sex, then I might be up for that... but I didn't mean sleeping next to each other overnight per se..." He grows quiet.

Faelian

There's that drop again, and it probably shows. "Well, of course some things have to change but.. I thought that part might stay.. it's alright though. Don't worry about it." He really couldn't understand London and he was starting to feel like he never had or ever will.

London

With that said, London finally stands. "We can still cuddle sometimes! Don't feel too down. We just shouldn't make a habit of it." Then stretches. "Anyway, we should probably eat and stuff soon. There's lots of Upper Keep break in planning to be done!" He keeps a close eye on Faelian wondering how he's taking all of this.

Faelian

He just hums in response. It's obvious he's not happy with the situation but at least he's not crying. "Yeah, we should get ready. I think i'll go take a bath and get dressed for the day."

London

"Ah, um, Faelian!" London's voice raises, and he now gives him all of the attention he can muster.

Faelian

He looks back at the other. "Yeah?"

London

"There were two other things I wanted to say!" Now London walks across the room closer to the bed the man was lying on. "First... There is something I haven't said, but there's a reason I haven't told you about it yet... I don't want you to think I'm lying or hiding things, but if I talked about it, then I'll definitely break down... It will be obvious in a little while." 

He clears his throat. "And second.... I want to hear your side of things! I've talked so much, but there must be something you want to say! Even if we're friends, we can still talk about eachother's problems, right?"

Faelian

What was London talking about? What would be obvious soon? "Um.. okay.. is it something bad? Is everything going to be okay?" He slowly sits up and frowns at the other. 

He looks down again, at his hands, just so that he doesn't have to look up at the other. "What can I even say? Things are settled and that's that. Things are going to be even more different than before.. and I'm disappointed and a little scared."

London

London waves a hand and continues to smile. "It'll be fine, don't worry! All I have to ask is a... possibly really selfish request." The smile fades to a grimace and he looks away awkwardly. That didn't come out right. He resumes smiling! Until he hears the rest of what Faelian had to say. Then he frowns. "Hm.... Well it's just a breakup after a month's dating, it's not the end of the world, yeah! It seems natural to be disappointed and a little scared, but I'm sure things will pick up again..." Saying that, he offered the blond a pat on the shoulder, hoping that would help reassure him.

Faelian

Faelian frowns more. London's words just made him worry. What was going to happen? "Alright just.. don't get into any trouble, okay? And come to me if you need help or to talk, okay?" 

"It's just going to be weird and lonely sleeping alone after so long.. don't worry about it." He gives London's hand a few small pats. "I guess i'm also scared that you'll just continue to try to push me away again, like before."

London

"You don't have to be alone. There are plenty of people around! I'll probably use the time to try to get to know the others more, too... I've kind of been distancing myself from everyone recently, I think..." London continued holding on to Faelian's shoulder. "I promise I won't try to hook you up with others again, too, but after things are over I might try traveling on my own again just so I can get strong enough to not depend on other people.. You understand why I need this, don't you?" He looked back at him, staring intensely into Faelian's crystal blue eyes.

Faelian

"I meant without sleeping beside you like we have for a long time. I'm certainly not sleeping beside any of the other members of our group. Anyway, like I said, it's fine." He didn't like it but there was nothing to be done about it anyway. 

Faelian looks down for a few moments and then back at London with a very worried look. "Yeah.. it's fine if you wanna travel alone for a while but.. you'll still contact me and meet up sometimes, right? You won't just push me away and vanish from my life, right?"

London

"Aw, don't be like that! It's as you said, everyone's friendly! They probably won't mind. And it's not like you're shy about sleeping next to friends." London clung onto the elf grinning. "Remember how quick you asked to sleep next to me when we first met? All it took was a bath and some time together. You don't need to deny yourself this simple pleasure." 

And then he sat back up again. "It will still be easy to contact you. Hopefully, I'll be able to contact everyone. We'll see how it goes when the time comes...." Then after a moment's thought- "Are you sure you understand? Why I want to travel on my own, that is? Just a bit ago you said I should depend on others.. But the thing is, as long as we're stuck together like this, I'll never feel like I can live without you. And I don't consider that a good thing. That's just scary.. I'd just feel obligated to stay by you or else feel like I'll be lonely otherwise. I don't consider that love. It's just sad... We both have a lot to learn..."

Faelian

Faelian grumbles. "Forget it. I'm not going to. The only one I would even consider is Beaford and he's probably not up for that. And i'm not up for that anytime soon either." 

 "You better contact me when you can. I won't be able to call you a friend if you drift away and vanish. I'll be really mad at you too. I might never forgive you even!" He furrows his brows and nods. "I do understand. I really do. I don't consider that love either and I don't want that even if you would give it to me. All I meant earlier was that everyone has to depend on someone every now and then. Don't forget that. And don't misunderstand it as me telling you it's good to be dependent on someone else all the time." 

 "When all of this is over i'm going home for a while."

London

What a strong response... Under his breath, London mumbled. "But you just said it was going to be weird and lonely without it..." He sighed. "I know the stuff with Noronir left a bad taste in your mouth... If we stop talking, I'm sure there'd be some reason for it to happen, so we'll see... Do you contact all of your friends often like that?"

Faelian

"I was just complaining because i'll miss sleeping beside you. I'm allowed to complain without being comforted." He huffs a little and then looks awkward. "I uh.. I don't really have any other close friends. Why is it weird to want to contact you every now and then? Wouldn't it weirder to not contact you after spending the last few years by your side?"

London

"Right, right." There was a teasing tone in London's answer. 

 He looks to Faelian's side again. "I just thought it was funny you'd be so unforgiving after you went easy on Noronir. Cut me some slack." He smiled. "Also, you told me you were good at making friends, but that doesn't sound like a very good track record. We'll see how it goes." He makes a final attempt to reassure him. 

 "If I don't contact you, there will probably a reason. I can just be kind of forgetful sometimes. But it's like you said: Now that I drank the eternal youth potion, we have plenty of time to part ways and meet up again. I'm sure it will be fine."

Faelian

"That's because you would be repeating what he did while knowing how much it already hurt me. And I hope i'm not that forgettable." He huffs more and then sighs. "I can make them easily. I just never bothered to keep in contact with the ones I made back then. I traveled a lot and didn't get close to them." 

 "Yeah, that is true. But I still want you to contact me every now and then. It shouldn't be that hard for you to do that much for me."

London

"Well there's your problem. You should try to make more friends you will keep in contact with for the long run. That's what I should do, too, I guess.." His words draw out . "But don't take it too personally. I've never had people to contact before, so I'm new to this. If I make a mistake, it's not on purpose." 

 "But saying that... Shouldn't you get strong enough to handle saying bye to your friends sometimes? I know it was rude of Noronir to not leave a letter, but it's not completely 'no forgiveness' worthy, is it? I mean he was only gone one year out of your one thousand year life.... You aren't losing that much time." London lies back on the bed before glancing back up to the back of the elf's head. "How often are you expecting to be contacted anyway?"

Faelian

"Believe me, I plan on it. I want more friends too and more people to contact." He runs his hand through his hair while thinking. "Alright.... I'll keep that in mind... Just try not to forget to do it every now and then..." 

 "I don't really need a lecture, London. I plan on getting stronger and I already know that i'll have to say goodbye to a lot of friends throughout my life. I have the right to feel sad when saying goodbye to someone. I already forgave Noronir.. and he was only gone from the stronghold for that long but he was out of my life for ten years." 

 He looks back at the bard laying down. "I was hoping for every few weeks or at least once a month.." He really hoped for more but with the way it sounded London probably didn't want that.

London

"Heh. You know you can only blame Noronir for one of those years. The rest were your own doing." London sounded too smug for his own good. "It's still hard to believe he came back just after you left... Fate works in strange ways sometimes, huh?..." 

 "But we'll see how it goes!" He sits up quickly with more energy than before. "By that point, I'll need to get in the habit of contacting my parents and everyone else, too. I'm sure I'll get lots of practice!"

Faelian

"Maybe.." He fiddles with his hands while watching them again. They really were interesting lately. "...Maybe i'll really chew him out when I visit." He huffs a little and looks back at the other again. "You made me realize he never really answered anything I asked him at all. He's sneaky in conversations, just like you." 

 "Good, you better..."

London

London blinked. "H-huh?! You don't need to chew him out.... I helped give you a chance to talk to him, but you said you didn't want to press him for answers, remember?..." His eyes narrow at the memory. "Then you said, you got the idea, and let it go." 

 We'll see...  He adds in telepathy.

Faelian

"Hmph.." He crosses his arms. "Don't worry.. I won't really. I'm not even talking about the conversation that you heard. I meant when I talked to him privately out on the balcony. He didn't answer anything but I was just.. so happy to see him and talk to him. I kept jumping from subject to subject with him while he half answered all my questions.. When I think back on it now I feel like a fool." 

 "I guess we will see..." He says outloud and not in telepathy. He gets up from the bed and starts gathering his clothes for the day. while gathering up his clothes he speaks again. "...What should we have for breakfast?"

London

"He probably has his reasons... It was probably a tough time. You can try mailing him anytime for more answers, can't you?" London was just starting to get more comfortable on the bed when Faelian got up. "How about some fruit?"

Faelian

"I'm sure he does but.. I'm tired of being treated like a child and not being told the truth about things. I want people to treat me like an equal and there are things that I deserve to know. There's a better chance of him giving in if i'm there looking at him." 

 "Fruit sounds good. I guess i'll get some pastries then and some juice. But for now I'm going to go bathe. I'll be back shortly." He gives London a small wave with his hand while heading towards the bathroom.

London

London smiles. "I think that would be good. For both of you." 

 And then he sits up. "Before you go! I'm actually going to head on downstairs... We're about to infiltrate Upper Keep, so I'm feeling kind of anxious. I'll probably go ahead and work on some planning. Meet me there. Um, also..."

Faelian

Faelian nods. It would be good for them. He pauses when London speaks to him again and turns around to look at him. "Alright. I'll meet you down there then. ...Yeah?"

London

"Are you sure you'll be okay today?... You won't be too unlike your usual self? I don't want this to make things difficult..." He lowers his head.

Faelian

He glances away for a few moments before answering. "Yeah.. I'll be okay. You worry too much."

London

London sighs. "I know how lonely you get. I think I have a good reason to worry.. I'll see you later then."

Faelian

"It's fine. I'll see you later." He starts to head towards the bathroom again.