#soles and smile because life is full of whimsical beauty

[scourgebff]

warrior cat twitter polls might actually be a malevolent force bro

[tinietaehyun]

As Dark As A Feather

[Angel!Minhyuk x Angel!Reader]

Pairing: Angel!Minhyuk x angel!reader

Genre(s): supernatural, romance, angst, mystery, fluff.

Contains: cussing/swearing, mentions of blood, supernatural concepts. [No similarities to the actual personality of behaviour of the idol mentioned. ]

Summary: With his illustriously beautiful nature, and whimsically magical personality, the new Angel you’ve managed to meet strikes your heart and seems to have you fawning over the angelic boy. His endearing mannerisms, slightly flirtatious charm and good looks have you flurrying with the feathers of your wings faster than light. Minhyuk seems to always know what to say and when to say it, and you loved spending every moment with him. Two angels, falling in love at such a rapidly euphoric pace, what would this ever entail?

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The clouds hang over the sky mighty in their stature; they look fluffy to the touch when in fact they’re rather cool and velvety in nature, as though running your fingers through cold satin. Large tufts of white that slowly drift across the sky for the humans below to gaze at. These dense swirls of white and grey are (unknowingly to humans) home to the Angels.

Angels of course, heard in all sorts of religions, folklore, music, literature etc. All humans had their own interpretation of what these mystical beings looked like. However, one thing they got right was the largely sized luminous and voluminous feathered wings coloured like the clouds they lived on. The only major difference is that their wings were never visible, until they willingly showed them. This is because an angel’s wings are not only their soul and life force, but the sole reason that they are distinct from any other supernatural creature and humans. If anything were to happen to their wings, it would be game over. Thus, most angels keep their wings hidden. Oddly, it makes them just look like strange humans standing on clouds, apart from their pearlescent and heavenly glow (and no…no halos.)

This special trait is often rather endearing in its own respect. Angels typically don’t see each other’s wings unless for training, discipline or inspections or to of course fly. It’s rather endearing and a humongous sign of trust if an Angel shows you their wings outside of the reasons aforementioned. It’s the equivalent of quite literally a human ripping their heart out of themselves for their partner. So it’s often a right of passage for couples up in the cloud kingdom.

Angels spread, love, peace and happiness. They are with humans in distress and help and guide those who need help. Some higher ranked angels can be guardian angels too! As free as it sounds, being an Angel is full of regulations, responsibilities and obligations and rules. As are most things.

You sigh with a disgruntled expression, “You know, I forgot how long the elevator takes.” Your friend opposite deadpans equally exhausted, “You realise I’m on my third human this week, I’m exhausted.” You grimace at the thought, having to deal with one human is already bad enough. What tiresome creatures. “Yikes, sounds rough, man,” you sympathise. “What about you?” She inquires. You murmur leaning your head against the fluffy wall waiting, “I’ve got no humans to deal with at the moment. Just been asked to be on patrol; Seoul this time.” She scoffs playfully, “Ugh, you’re so lucky. You’re always so good, you’re too good at this.”

You release a chuckle whilst folding your arms, “Oh shh, I’m not that good, I just work quick.” Your friend smiles as she hears the ‘ding’ of her elevator, “Give me your luck.” You smile reassuringly, “You’ve got this. Where you going?” “Bangkok, Thailand.” She responds before finally stepping into the elevator and she presses a button. You pout, “See you later, Bangkok is beautiful.” She grins pained almost before waving, “Bye, good luck too. Off to the ground floor.” The doors close.

You consequently hear the ‘ding’ of your own elevator. You peer to see another fellow angel step out and you awkwardly shimmy past into the elevator. Your finger pad presses down on the ground floor (otherwise known as Ground E. Earth.) You feel yourself being dragged down. You see the clouds whizzing upwards past you through the small glass slit leading outside. The blue and white blurring together as your elevator zooms downwards towards your destination.

You’d never been to Seoul before. This was a new destination for you, considering you’ve been so, so many places. You’re nervous but also excited, thrilling in an aspect. You feel the pressure change as you reach closer towards the ground. The air rushes in through the crevices of the elevator. You always had an adrenaline rush before entering into a new adventure down on Earth. You were set to patrol the streets of Seoul for the next three months, after that, finally a break and then back to guiding distressed humans. You were emotionally and mentally drained and so you were thankful for this break from that.

You feel the elevator slow down and the huge skyscrapers and glittering ocean come into view. The blurry images come together to form a beautifully pristine environment of Seoul City, South Korea. It was stunning under the glittering sun. You had thought, it was definitely summer, you could feel the heat deep through the elevator. The elevator gently hovers over the ground. You seemed to have landed in a random alley, nearby the beach as you spot the ocean.

Your ability as an Angel has its perks being able to adapt to any environment and any language almost instantaneously as you walk to read the signs to walk out of the alleyway as your elevator shoots back up to the sky behind you.

You walk out on the promenade of the beach. The glittering ocean glistens back at you. The view was surreal. The beach was full to the brim of humans, sunbathing, playing, building sandcastles, swimming and eating. The energy you were feeling from this place was warm. Just as warm as the rays of sunlight kissing your skin. It made you feel whole and complete. You were glad, people were happy.

Nothing suspicious or malevolent here. As with most pure things, evil is often attracted to it to destroy it. That was your job on patrol to prevent things like that happening, along with the thousands of other probable angels situated here doing the same thing as you. You were bound to meet another one soon enough.

As much as you loved roasting out in the heat, you were much more used to the cool, serene temperature of the clouds up above, not the summer heat. Your eyes scan the area as you feel your body becoming rather sticky and sweaty from the intense summer sun. You wanted to cool down urgently. Your eyes halt at the sign of a small stall and you feel your mouth water at the vast array of trays of the cool, refreshingly icy dessert. Ice cream. Absolutely perfect!

You rush over towards the stall and scan the various flavours. You adored ice cream and you couldn’t hide the excitement across your features even endearing the old lady running the stall making her chuckle. “You like ice cream that much?” You nod with a smile, her aura was pleasant. You choose strawberry in a cone and pay accordingly. It tasted incredibly delicious, the coolest touch to your tongue with a burst of sweet, fruity flavour. It begins to melt over your fingers as you lick your way through the pink dessert. You hoped it wouldn’t melt quicker than you could eat it.

You continue to walk entranced and enamoured by the flavour of the ice cream, battling with the fiery sun above to eat it until you crash into something, or rather another person.

Your ice cream lays on the floor splattered decoratively seeping into the crevices of the sandy concrete glittering under the sun. The cone broken in half. You were unfortunately nowhere near finished. You were wondering if the heat itself was making you hot, or whether you genuinely felt anger surging through your veins right now. You don’t even look up at the person too angry, worried whether you’d snap at the passerby. He’s probably going to walk away anyway.

It takes you by surprise as the stranger suddenly crouches down and you peer up. You feel as though your breath has been stolen from you. Your heart rate soars at the sight of such a beautiful stranger. The cause of your miserable ice cream’s death, was this pretty? If death was this pretty, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad up in the clouds.

“Your ice cream, I’m so sorry! I know this is a terrible crime, in fact heinous. God, I’m so, so sorry.” He stammers still crouched in front of you.

You were gobsmacked in fact at his beauty, he was otherworldly. His orange toned hair stood out amongst the sea of mostly brown and dark coloured hair. His sharp features cut into your heart immediately. In no way was he human, was he!? You splutter, “You-“ You peer down at your sorry excuse for strawberry ice cream. “My ice cream,” You whine.

He frowns, “My bad, I really didn’t mean it. I didn’t see where I was going. I-“ You murmur, “I..It’s fine. I guess I wasn’t looking where I was going either. Too enamoured with my ice cream.” That brings out a chuckle in him and he smiles at you. Your heart flutters, his smile was stunning. He gives you a sloped grin, as he tilts his head, “Your ice cream isn’t gonna be salvaged unfortunately, but hey, let me buy you a new one. Is that alright?”

You murmur standing up with him, “A new one?”“Yeah, on me.” The handsome man smiles scratching the back of his head. You felt the genuine guilt radiating off him. You found it sweet. You weren’t complaining in trying to spend a bit more time with the handsome stranger.

“Alright then. The ice cream stall is back this-“ You begin to point before he interrupts. The male smiles, his eyes forming light crescents, “Oh I know, there’s a dessert place down a few streets, we’re closer to it anyway. It’s much cooler there I promise. Both in terms of temperature and how it looks.” You can’t help but giggle at the pun.

He hums walking beside you. You notice his pearlescent skin and dewy looks. You try and focus in on his aura. You feel something ever so pure, light, an indescribable warmth. Something only an angelic being would give off. Your eyes widen and you murmur peering at him, “Angel?” He pauses, “..Huh?” You ask, “Are you an Angel? Patrol or Guider?” His eyes light up immediately and he stammers, “Oh! Oh my goodness, you’re an Angel too? Thank god.” He looks almost unbelievably relieved to hear so making you chuckle.

“Wow, you’re that relieved? Don’t like humans then?” You tease. He shakes his head, his orange locks bounce. “No, no. That’s not what I meant! I mean, it’s been absolutely hell since I got put on patrol here. I have no idea what to do. I just got thrown here.”

You raise a brow, “I’ve not seen you ever. Are you new?” He nods, “This is my first time doing…uh, what was it patrol. I don’t even know how I’d guide someone. This is all so difficult, humans are so uncooperative too.” You can’t help seeing his frustration, it was endearing. You were exactly the same when you had your first patrol. It was mostly learning from experience.

You smile, “Well you’ve made a friend, now. We can stick together, it’s my first time here in Seoul. I can help you with patrols and get ahold of the ropes and things.” His eyes sparkle in relief and joy, “Thank you so much,” He continues with a playful smirk, “I’m kinda glad I ruined your ice cream now.” You huff, “Hey!” He hums, “Oh yeah, my name’s Minhyuk. Lee Minhyuk.” You nod, “Well Minhyuk, it’s great to meet you, despite it being by accident, my name’s y/n.”

“You really do look like an Angel, believe it or not.” He summasises. Your cheeks feel flustered, “Oh come on now.” His eyes widen, almost in a puppy-like fashion, “No, no really. You do. When I bumped into you, you were so beautiful, honestly.” “Oh hush.” You bashfully reply with a smile.

“We’re almost there.” He hums. You peer at his side profile; almost as if he were a sculpture. His chiselled features, sharp jawline and elegant expression. His piercings decorated his ears with various gold jewellery. Minhyuk was also dressed very lavishly with a very colourful almost tie-dye-esque collared v-shirt with a luxurious looking design and loose trousers. A casual but definitely eye-catching look.

“I know I’m handsome, but I didn't think I’d be the subject of such an intense gaze.” He suddenly faces you catching you off guard. You snap your head to face forwards with your cheeks slowly heating up at being caught. You hear him chuckle as he continues, “As an Angel, your eyes do hold such a lustful gaze, now that’s rather peculiar. Sinful, really.” You roll your eyes whilst clearing your throat, “Now, now, don’t go making assumptions. I was admiring the shoreline. It just happened to be in the direction you are, which is coincidentally my right,” You huff, “I didn’t think you were so self-absorbed, Minhyuk.”

He lets out a loud laugh, “Oh look at you, painting me the villain.” His laugh was uniquely endearing to hear. You wanted to hear more of it. What would it sound like if you made him completely guffaw? His autumnal locks glow under the sunlight and you both talk and chatter as you finally reach the ice cream parlour he so desperately loved.

Your mouth waters once again at the even more vast array of flavours in their metallic tubs with weird, wonderful and quirky names. The coolness of the parlour was ecstasy to your sweat-struck skin. The neon decor across the walls and furniture was indeed gorgeously blinding. Minhyuk was right, this place was so cool!

“Choose a flavour. Any; I’ll pay.” He quirks at you showing you his brown wallet. It had a small teddy keyring on it making you laugh. How cute. His cheeks become a rosy tinge as he places it back into his pockets out of embarrassment. You scan the flavours and once again find strawberry, you also find mint chocolate! “Yes, yes! Mint chocolate. I want that.”

“We can get a dessert bowl, two scoops, chocolates flakes.” He speaks to the worker with a smile. Your eyes widen, “Oh no, no, I don’t need all that, a cone will be fine!” Minhyuk leans against the counter, his arm on the countertop as he tilts his head with a playful grin, “Oh yes you do, we’re getting a bowl for the two of us.” “You like mint chocolate too!?” You yelp, (maybe you have found your soulmate!) He grimaces with a disgusted expression, “No…I don’t really like it, but I can’t judge since I killed your ice cream. However, I’ll be getting strawberry and vanilla to go with it.”

The bowls were cool in the way they were segmented and rather large. The workers beautifully display and present the scoops with toppings. You thank them before you and Minhyuk sit down at a table beside the window which looks out onto the sea, in a small secluded balcony area.

“It’s beautiful, the view here.” He comments with the ocean breeze smoothly whisking into the area, a slight salty aroma. You nod in agreement as you both begin to dig into your deliciously frozen treat. Minhyuk rests his head on the palm of his hand as his earrings dangle and glisten in the light. He ponders with a coy smile, “It’s almost like we’re on a date, don’t you think?” You feel your heart rate shoot up. It really is, sharing a huge bowl, on a table; a whole ice cream date too!

You wave your hand with a flustered expression painting your features, “Oh hush.” He lets out a breathless laugh as he consumes the ice cream, “What? This would be the perfect spot for a date, don’t you think?” You wonder, what life did you previously lead, (did you save a country?) in order to be eating ice cream with someone who looks like a prince. You nod pursing your lips, “Well…I suppose. You have a point.”

He smiles, “So, y/n. I hope this makes up for the ice cream incident then.” You beam back with a giggle, “Oh definitely, more than enough.” He cranes his neck and huffs, “I also hope that we can be friends you know.” You coyly smile, “Mm, I don’t know about that. You just want help with your patrols, don’t you?”

His eyes soften as though you had upset a puppy, “Well, being honest I also want help with my patrols, but also I want a friend, I haven’t made any friends since I became an Angel.” At least he was honest, you found it sweet. You chuckle, “I’m being harsh, don’t worry. I’m not that mean. I'm not just going to dip after eating ice cream, and never see you again.” You see him visibly relax, it makes your heart flutter. His cheeks puff up slightly every time he takes a munch out of his ice cream; it was incredibly adorable.

“Have you got a place to stay?” He inquires. “What about you? How long have you been here?” You ask back curiously. Minhyuk swirls the remainder of his ice cream and he huffs with a playful glare, “You answered my question with another question. Answer mine first.” You smile with an eye roll, “Fine, I do, don’t worry whenever they send me down somewhere they book accommodation somewhere. I just need help finding where it is. It takes me an hour or so using my phone as a nav. Now, you?” He listens to you with a small fold between his brows indicating his focus on your words.

“For me, I’ve been here for the last day or two. I’ve just been told to patrol and do what I’ve been trained to, and if I need help to look for more angels located in the area. I live in an apartment block that I’ve been given.” You nod taking in the information; odd that he’s been set up alone, especially since he’s new. Then again, so were you, when you first started out. Things up there were busy after all. “That’s alright, patrol’s not too bad, and you’ve been through the training, so that’s good. Plus you now have me.” You smile with a reassuring expression. You roll your eyes as you mirror his posture by resting your head onto the palm of your hands, “I think I can handle having to look after an Angel for three months. Out of the kindness of my infinite heart.”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes with a smirk lining his lips, “It’s my pleasure to have such an experienced teacher. I’ll think of it as work experience. Except I’m already employed.” You chuckle, “Yeah. Follow my lead and you’ll be an A-Rank angel in no time.” He waves his fingers teasingly, “Ooh, A-Rank, fancy huh? Never met such an egotistical angel, I thought we were supposed to be humble, Hm?” You grin, “It’s confidence not arrogance.”

“If that’s the case, can I get your number then?” He confidently slides his phone across the table making you get butterflies storming viciously in your stomach. He cooes with his rosy lips, “Can’t have you flying away from me now, angel, can we?”

You raise a brow typing in your number, “Rather flirtatious aren’t you?” “Can’t help it when I’m with you.” He fires back with a golden smile. You groan, “I’m gonna have to put up with this aren't I?” Minhyuk innocently smiles, “Perhaps. I wouldn’t call it a bad thing.” “Yeah, yeah.” You smile bashfully back. Thus, so it began, a beautifully poetic friendship started by the sacrifice of a poor dessert. Who would have thought?

>>>>>

You peer up at the tree with a perplexed expression, “Now how did you get up there, baby?” You can’t help but empathetically cooe at the small ginger cat stuck up the tree. Poor thing, it looked scared stiff. Cats stuck in a tree were a common occurrence you dealt with on all your previous patrols; curious little things. You fold your arms ready to summon the cat down.

You suddenly feel a presence behind you making you freeze. His face swings into your peripheral vision and he gives you a cheerful smile and a mini wave, “Hey.” “Don’t do that, you scared me.” You sigh in relief.

“Cat up the tree?” He asks peering up at the branches above. You nod, “Poor thing refuses to come down. I have no choice to summon it down. Might feel a bit delirious afterwards, so I tend not to.”

Minhyuk tilts his head with a cute grin before placing two upside down peace signs atop his orange locks; he was mimicking cat ears. “It’s a mini me, don’t you think?” Your heart was about to explode. That was adorable! Your mouth twitches trying to hold back a wide smile. The ginger cat indeed did look a bit like Minhyuk in its own way.

“Let’s get it down. You finished your rounds?” He hums, “Yeah.” His brow raises, “Won’t come down no matter what, huh?” You huff, “Yeah, must be terrified.” A sly smile settles onto his lips and his fingers trace the bark of the tree, “Maybe doesn’t like you.” You scoff, “All cats like me. How could they not?” His sly smile morphs into a smirk, “Oh is that so? Why not this one then?” You have a keen expression, “Okay then, you save it.”

The small cat meows timidly with its ears flickering at the sound of you both talking. Minhyuk traces his fingers up the bark with a smirk that you could only be described as dripping in arrogance, and you didn’t like the way it made you feel like there were a thousand butterflies swarming inside you right now.

“Come down. I won’t hurt you, I promise, tch, come on. You can do it. Slowly.” He cooes in a soft and timid tone. He reaches his hand out. You scoff with a smirk, “As if I haven’t…” You fade before finishing your sentence as you see the cat begin to anxiously get up and slowly hop down the branches and down into Minhyuk’s arms as though nothing had ever happened. You can do nothing but gawk. The cat purrs in his arms happily content and rubbing up against his chest leaving fur behind.

Minhyuk peers back up at you, his eyes glistening with achievement and confidence. His lips curl into a smirk, “Oh, what were you say-“ “Shut up.” You snap playfully. The cat meows ever so happily. “How did you do that?” You ask genuinely confused. He responds with a grin and arched brow, “All cats like me…how could they not?”

You glare, “So funny aren’t you?” A wink is what you get in response before he places the cat down, “Run off home, kitty. Stay safe. No more trees.” The cat contently jogs off down the pavement to your shock.

So many bad things were happening at such frequency, who knew Seoul had such mischief being caused? No wonder you were dispatched, you’ve definitely been kept busy.

“So what are you, a cat whisperer?” You snark. He walks beside you lightly brushing against your arm and his autumnal locks of hair fall over his umber irises, “Nah, not a cat whisperer, just good with words. Good vibes.” You huff, “So you’re saying I’m neither of those.” He lets out a laugh, “Nope, you’re both but I’m better.” His gaze is somewhat sultry as he peers down at you and you playfully shove him, “What you looking at?” Minhyuk hums, placing his hands into his pockets, “You.”

There are those butterflies, they feel like whole birds now. God…what were you doing?

You murmur, “Me? Nothing special about me.” It had been around three weeks since you and Minhyuk had first met. You couldn’t believe how fast time had gone. He’d go off and patrol or you’d both patrol together sometimes. It was unbelievably so much more fun than doing patrol by yourself, like you had usually done. You always preferred working alone, it felt more efficient. You didn’t expect Minhyuk to get to grips with his duties so quickly and do them so well either. A talented angel that’s for sure.

“Lots of special things about you,” He echoes back, “List goes on.” You chide, “Oh, you and your flattery.” Minhyuk tousles hair hair away from his eyes, “I’m being serious, from what I’ve seen of you, nothing negative. All good things.” You smile feeling bashful, “Thanks.” He retorts with a flirtatious wink, “I always speak the truth.” You raise a brow, “Do you?” He stops and leans his face closer to yours making your heart palpitate faster. “The beautiful lies I’d come up for you, just so that I’d see you happy.” He pouts, “But I can't, angels can’t lie.”

You giggle, feeling your entire heart being set on fire. You murmur, “You have a way with words, I can’t describe it.” His lips lower to your ear, “Leave the describing to me. I’ll talk to your heart's content.” You smirk, “You’d talk either way, with or without me.” He gives you a chuckle, “That is…in fact true as well.” You query, “Boba?” Minhyuk frantically nods, “Don’t even need to ask.”

You feel as though you lose yourself with him. You felt so understood, complete with him. A sense of euphoria you hadn’t felt with anyone else. Even thinking about him made you feel all fuzzy, fluttery inside. Was this love? Was this what it was like? You hadn’t really ever experienced it much, if at all. No, you weren’t going to fall this easily. Come on, now.

Minhyuk hands you your boba to which you receive overjoyed. He breathlessly laughs at your excitement. “Finally, got my boba for the week.” You sigh. Minhyuk shakes his head with a smile, “You and your boba, I swear.”

You mimick a hush gesture placing your index finger on your lips, “Shush, what’s that? It’s heaven’s call for you to shut up.” He cackles, throwing his head back in laughter. Your eyes widen, you haven’t heard his laugh this hard, it was endearing. You can’t help begin to snicker at yourself, “What?”

“Anyway, god, I haven’t laughed like that in awhile, there’s a fayre set up in Gangnam, you’ve got some extra money?, if not, I do.” You nod with a smile, ah yes, you were going to the fayre with Minhyuk this evening. You were unbelievably excited. Night fayres had their own unique brightly lit beauty to them. You both make your way to the fayre.

You finish off your bobas and begin to walk around the brightly coloured fayre. All the lights shine brighter in the darkness of the night, everything seemed more fast-paced, blurred, so liberating. You loved it so much. You both walk past a child holding a purple heart shaped balloon; before you can make it past however you hear a ‘pop.’ Oh no.

You spin around to see the popped balloon on the floor. It popped so suddenly. Minhyuk frowns, “Oh no, the poor kid.” You walk over, “Hey, hey.” The kid and their mother look distressed. The child’s eyes glaze over and their lips tremble. Minhyuk takes the child’s hand, “Oh your balloon popped, I’m so sorry.” The child snatches his hand away with a glare, hiding behind his mother. She awkwardly chuckles, “It’s alright, he’s very shy.”

You smile, “We can get him another balloon.” She wavers, “Oh no, no I couldn’t possibly, I don’t want to interrupt your..uh date?-“ “No trouble, plus-“ You begin stammering. “Plus, my girlfriend here adores balloons, I’ll get one for her too.” Minhyuk steps in with a grin. You splutter, “…Girlfriend? Balloon..?” He gives you a charming smirk, “Come on. Let’s win two balloons.” You walk shocked over to the stall. Did he just..?

“We’re not dating.” You stammer beside him. He peers at you whilst he holds the water gun aiming for the neon targets, his lips curling into a coy smile, “We could be though.” Your heart soars up to the sky.

Ding. Ding. Ding. Multiple sounds of success as he accurately hits the targets to the keeper’s surprise. How was he so good? He wins one balloon to which you pout looking at your missed shots, “You’re making me look bad.”

He raises a brow with a charming smirk, “How about this? May I?” Minhyuk stands behind you as you nod. His hands overlap yours as you hold the water gun and his head is right beside your own hovering over your right shoulder. He murmurs, “I’ll help you aim.” You can feel Minhyuk’s breath fan beside you along with the heat of his chest pressing against your back and arms. “Ready?” Minhyuk has a smirk lining his lips, the one that had been ingrained into your mind.

Ding. Ding. Ding! Another win. “You did it.” He smiles with glittering eyes. You shake your head shyly, “No way, that was you.” You realise you’re still holding his hand and you let go flustered. He shakes his head, “Oh hush, now choose a balloon prize.” You scan the wonderful balloons bouncing and hovering on display and your eyes land on a large teddy bear; it reminds you of the little teddy keyring that Minhyuk had on his wallet. You let out a giggle before pointing to it.

Thus, you both walk beside each other as your left hand holds an oversized metallic teddy balloon which bounces whimsically in the wind. “Thank you, Minhyuk.”

As you walk you notice a person dropped their ice lolly making you smile in memory, Minhyuk buys them a new lolly. As angels it was your job after all? Someone rushes past you crying and you frown. You sense a break up. “There’s a lot of negativity nowadays. I’m concerned.” Minhyuk comments with a confused expression. You nod in agreement, “Yeah; this is higher frequency than expected.” Minhyuk’s eyes widen in panic, “Do you think there's demons in the area?” You whisper, “Careful. We can never tell where they are. Let’s just do our job. Our job is not to tackle demons, we’re merely on patrol, okay?” He nods with a frown and you place a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, don’t get too worked up, okay?”

Minhyuk clears his throat, “The Ferris wheel’s queue is shorter, do you wanna go on it together? We can see the skyscrapers of Seoul from there apparently.” You nod excitedly. You both wait in the queue patiently chattering and jittering and you finally get in. “To prevent it from flying away.” He takes your wrist and the balloon’s string tying it around your wrist delicately.

A slow ascend round and round begins. Indeed as he said, you can see the glimmering and glittery skyline. It was indescribably gorgeous along with the gentle but cool breeze up that high. You peer at him and notice he’s gone quiet, not admiring the view. “Minhyuk?” “Hm?” He answers in a quiet tone. “You okay?” You question softly.

“Uh..I forgot to say…I don’t like heights,” He murmurs almost not even above a whisper. Your heart pangs. “Oh Minhyuk? Why? Why did you want to come on here?” He suddenly faces you, your eyes meet. Your blown away by his features glowing under the lights of the Ferris wheel and bouncing strands of hair; he looked ethereal. “I know you wanted to go on here.”

You feel your heart melting into a sappy puddle. He went on here for you? “My goodness, Minhyuk. You didn’t have to, I care about you more than a ride. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” You tentatively say as you place a comforting hand atop his. His eyes widen at your gesture and you internally panic; did you cross the line? Before you can remove your hand he takes your hand into both his and squeezes it. “T-Thanks.”

Your brows furrow, you’ve never met an Angel who’s scared of heights. It seems kind of ironic? Angels aren’t really meant to be afraid of heights. Then again you can’t speak for everyone. You murmur, “Minhyuk, if you’re scared of heights, how do you..I mean didn’t you get sent down? The clouds are up high?” He chuckles nervously, “I know, it’s dumb. It’s really dumb. I just..I don’t know. It’s not bad when I’m up there, all you can see is the clouds, and you can’t see down, you know? I can handle small heights, like balconies, just fine.”

You nod with a sympathetic expression, “That’s fair and no, it’s not dumb at all. What about…” You begin, it was a sensitive subject you were about to touch after all, “What about your wings? Have-Have you used them at all? Are you okay with flying?” Minhyuk clears his throat, “I have. I just..I’m not very good. Uh, yeah. Sorry, this probably makes me sound so useless. What angel is afraid to use his wings?” He laughs sardonically.

You squeeze his hands reassuringly with a comforting smile on your lips, “You’ll get there. Being scared of things is never dumb. Me knowing this doesn’t make you any less of an Angel. In fact even coming up on this Ferris wheel is a big accomplishment; I’m proud of you, Minhyuk.” His lips tremble and his eyes glimmer as he gives you a heartfelt smile, “Thanks. A lot.”

A large groan emits from the wheel and a small shake ruining the moment. Minhyuk yelps, clutching onto your sleeve. Your eyes widen, what was happening? Just as you were about to reach the top of your second rotation, the ride halts suddenly. Luckily you weren’t right at the top of the wheel. “Shit-!” You snap your head to face Minhyuk as you scold him, “Minhyuk! Language-!” “I know, I know I'm sorry!” He whines.

It’s not that Angels can’t physically swear, oh yes, they definitely could use colourful vocabulary, it’s just it causes consequences when they do. Minhyuk clutches his chest in a burning pain as his heart burns for a few seconds. You chide with a worried expression, “God, Minhyuk, what am I going to do with you?”

“Is the wheel stuck?” He grimaces, recovering from the flash of pain. You nod as you hear the operator below with a megaphone: “We’re trying to solve the problem! Very big apologies, please remain seated and calm. It seems to be a sudden fault.”

You think, what went wrong? Minhyuk hisses, clinging to you like a puppy, “Just wait till I get my hands on those demons.” You shake your head laughing, “You won’t be getting your hands anywhere. But you’re right, I think Seoul is going through a dark monsoon.” He grits his teeth, “Great. Great.”

[Dark Monsoon: A period of time defined by negative energy, mischief and violence, in which demons create, and maintain disharmony.]

“Get comfy, we’re stuck up here,” You laugh, “It’s like a movie. Cliché right?” Minhyuk seems to nod with a grimace, “Not so romantic when you’re up in the air, terrified.” You chuckle, “They’ll get us down, don’t worry. We can talk in the meantime, look at me. Don’t look down.” He does so. You notice him relax a bit when he meets your eyes.

You hum, “Minhyuk, wanna have a deep conversation?” His lips quirk up amused, “Who just asks that?” You huff, “I do.” “Okay then,” he answers with a chuckle. “Mm..do you like being an Angel?” His eyes glitter, “Of course, I love helping people. I wouldn’t have met you if I wasn’t. How about you?” Your heart pangs. You respond, “I do too, sometimes I look at these humans living their lives, dedicating their lives to one individual, it’s so…it’s so romantic. I wish, sometimes I could do that. It’s always about working up in the clouds. We don’t die either, so…yeah, I think that makes us less grateful you know?”

He nods, “I haven’t been an Angel for long, but I’ve noticed that,” he continues with a soft smile, “I also notice that you’re a sucker for hopeless romance.” You emit a flushed expression, “Shut up, I know I’m a hopeless romantic. What’s wrong with wishing for love like that?” “I never said there was anything wrong.” He smiles as he peers down at your hands, still connected and intertwined with each other. “I think it’s admirable. In a world as harsh as this, to wish for such pure love, shows your character.” You gaze at him, “Have you ever been in love?” His eyes suddenly darken and he clears his throat, “Uh..” You figured that was a ‘yes.’

“Yeah, I have. It didn’t end well. It ruined my picture of love if I’m being honest. Shattered it.” He answers harshly; with a hurt expression. “I had aspirations like yours, I wanted a love so pure and passionate, but it never came to fruition. I found the truth behind the world.” Your heart hurts hearing him. What did he go through whilst training?

“You think you love someone, only to realise they lied to your face the entire time and used you to see your downfall.” Minhyuk peers at you. A slightly hurt expression on his face but a pained smile. You have the urge to cup his cheek, tell him it’s okay. Tell him that he won’t be hurt again. “Minhyuk I-“ The Ferris wheel groans and creaks and starts moving again putting an end to the painful conversation. You think it’s best not to pry further. You descend to the ground in a comfortable silence, hand in hand.

••••

Minhyuk watches you help the kid get her ball out of the bush. He leans against the brick wall with folded arms, the wind brushes against his arms. It had been now what, a month and half, no it was going to be two months since he met you. His lips curl into a satisfied smirk as he watches you cooe and play with the young girl as you finally fetch the ball out of the bush successfully.

How endearing, how pure. Joyous. The epitome of what an Angel should aspire to be. His fingers delicately whisk in the air with a subtle motion and the petals of the yellow flowery trees begin to rain down upon the two on his command. The scenery was magical. The child excitedly screams and he watches you giggle and laugh with the child. You wave ever so happily at him from afar and he casually gives you a wave.

So innocent, the energy was so deliciously pure. Interesting really, with the Dark Monsoon reigning over Seoul for the last month or so, so many things have been happening, so little time to tackle them all. Must be giving the Angels a run for their money. His lips curl in a smirk peering up at the sky; the clouds. A place he would never be able to set foot ever again.

He hums, why haven’t you noticed? How naive. When you’d go back up to the clouds for your weekly report. You never went together. It’s pitiable really. It’s funny almost how so many things seem to go wrong when you’d both walk together. Minhyuk couldn’t help it, he had to. He takes a gaze at his own fingers with a haunting smile - these fingers were the cause of so much destruction. Destruction and pain he was ever so proud of. Not even an ounce of remorse within his bones.

Minhyuk laughs to himself. You were so endearing, so preciously naive. As most angels were; you weren’t the first after all. It never occurred to you, how quickly he finished his “patrols,” or how he just seemed to be so good at everything on the first try. Oh, how you fell right into his trap ever since you first met.

The way his eyes locked onto you; he could straight away you were an Angel, you had that annoyingly unearthly glow, or holy should he say. Of course he had to knock your ice cream down, what a precious way to begin a lovely and wholesome friendship.

“Minhyuk, lower your head down a bit.” His thoughts are broken as you suddenly approach him beaming. His heart pangs. The look on your face was one that was full of adoration…love. A warmth spreads through his black heart. ‘Ignore it. Ignore it’. That’s not what he’s here for. Never again.

“The kid’s so happy, I’m so glad. She’s adorable. You should have played with us! And here I made a flower crown. It’s small but it’s fine.” You yelp cheerfully. He lowers his head allowing her to place the weakly crafted yellow flower crown. She lets out a, “Awh, you look so cute with it! I love it, it suits you so much!”

How happy you look, that glimmering smile, he observes. Oh you idiot, anyone in this world can tell you’re in love. You’re so deeply in love with him. He could tell how passionately you were falling for him. You loved every bit of him, all the moments you shared and he knew it. He knew you craved romance. That’s what he came here for. To break your heart and take your wings. That’s all he was made for after all.

Then why…then why was he not hurrying things along? Why was he taking his time with this? He doesn’t remember being this slow. He doesn’t remember putting this much effort on an Angel.

“Minhyuk, Minhyuk! You’re coming over right? I baked a cake yesterday evening. I know you like chocolate, so I made a dark forest cake. I spent ages on it.” You chirp walking beside him. He stammers, “Oh? Oh really? You didn’t have to do all that.”

Most people didn’t do that for him. Most people didn’t put in this much effort back. Why were you? He didn’t like it. It made him start to feel weird. “Your birthday is coming up soon, so don’t worry you’ll be getting more cake soon.” You quirk with a wink. His heart oddly flutters, he never wanted to feel his heart flutter ever again. He promised himself he’d never fall for anyone again. Not after that time.

Minhyuk looks down at his hand brushing against yours as you both walk. He craved to hold it. Fuck it; he takes your hand with his causing you to flinch in surprise. Your wide-eyed expression was something he almost felt as though it was addicting.

For the last week or so, his emotions have been a rollercoaster tumble of ups and downs. He’s been slacking. He should have confessed to you by now and gotten ready to tear your world apart. Then…then why wasn’t he doing it? Why the fuck was HE the one asking to meet up? Why was HE spending so much money on you? Why wasn’t he wrapping you around his finger faster? What the fuck was wrong with him?

He’s done this plenty of times before. What was so wrong with him this time. Why was…why was he acting like his pathetic old self? His past weak self, that shrivelled at the thought of pure love, craved it so desperately and fell so hard to the point of no return. His heart enraptured into black flames of betrayal, malice and sinister greed.

A sickly feeling of reminiscence crawls up his body in a vicious hold making it hard for him to breathe. A memory that weighted so much agony, the memory that caused him to become the monster he is today. “Minhyuk?” You call out noticing how pale and blank-faced he’s become. His breathing becomes uneven. “Minhyuk?” You call out again panicked. “Minhyuk?” He hears. His eyes close tightly. This time not hearing your voice, but the voice he despised hearing, the voice that was the epitome of monstrosity. The Devil herself. The thorny memories stab his noir heart, as they flood back.

Icy fingers slid up his cheek as he kneeled broken on the dark, cold ground. Blood ran down his hands seeping through the back of his white shirt. Her other hand with nails painted with blood, sharp as a blade held a feather. One of his feathers. The pure white feather slowly faded darker and darker, becoming black.

Her cold, merciless voice cuts through the silence with a tone dripping with malice, sadistic enjoyment at his shattered nature. “Oh dear, my hand slipped, baby. I’m so, so sorry.” Another laugh.

Minhyuk’s wings were widely spread out. She had ripped out a single feather from the wings he trusted her so much to show. That was all it took for his stunning fan of snowy wings to become stained with the darkness of night. Wings of the Devil. A Fallen Angel. That’s what he was.

Her cruel sneer, he’d never realised it then. He mistook that for an affectionate smile. He mistook the hand on his cheek for an act of true love. “Oh my dear, did you really think I loved you? Oh poor thing.” Pity. Unfathomable fake pity. He despised it. Why did he fall in love?

“My pretty angel, you were drawn to me like a moth to a flame, it was only natural for this tragic ending. After all, the moth's wings will begin to turn to ashes if you touch the flame. If only you’d paid more attention.” She let out an unhinged cackle with a crazed gaze, her nails digging into his cheek, “Minhyuk, what do you feel? Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel angry? You do, right? Don’t you want to rip my heart out. That’s how you kill demons, that’s what you’re taught up in the clouds aren’t you, my sweet Angel. Do it. Take your revenge.” Another sickly laugh.

Revenge. Blinded, searing anger. Blood pooled around his knees and feet. His white shirt then dyed dark red. Unhinged vengeance painted his mind, his features. He wanted to rip her heart out so bad. His hands trembled unforgettably. She used him.

She cooes; her eyes menacingly red, horns that he never saw before, “You saw what you wanted. I gave you what you wanted, Minhyuk. Are you ready to paint the world red? Are you ready to inflict the pain you feel on everyone?” Her slender fingers brush through his now ink-stained feathers, “My fallen Angel, this will be our parting, how beautiful.”

He gritted his teeth. How painfully cruel. He peered up with now darkened, soiled eyes, glittering with tears. He placed his hand atop her, “You didn’t have t-to do this. We can still…” Still what? He thought. She tore apart everything. He hissed, “I won’t work for you. I…”

She smirks with a dark sneer morphing, “My dear, I don’t care if you do or not. It’s not like you have a home to go back to.” She laughed with no remorse. “You can’t ever set foot into the clouds again.” She coldly hissed. His heart shattered. Her tone turns sweet, “Down in Hell you’ll be. You’ll come crawling back. Not like you have a choice.”

She cooed, removing her hand, “My dear, you’re a monster now. You’ll only inflict suffering.” He was broken beyond repair. Oh, how he fell in love to only fall into despair. She murmured, stepping back, “I told you back then, I’d destroy the entire world for you. So I did, I destroyed your world.”

That was the moment this tragic tale started. She crushed the feather beneath her foot in front of him. His tears glisten in the darkness like diamonds. From then on, this was his life.

It goes white.

————

His eyes open and the light flushes in making him squint. A groan releases from his lips as he sits up, it feels like ages. He once again feels the wind brush his face and he notices a few people gathered around him. Minhyuk peers up and notices you tear-stained and sniffling. You gasp noticing he’s awake, “Oh my god! Minhyuk! You’re awake! You’re awake.”

He was still on the street but on the ground. He must have collapsed. The memory was painful to the point he must have been overwhelmed. His heart darkly beats in his chest. Minhyuk had to get this over with. He was falling for you.

You peer at him; your heart aching despairingly. You hated seeing him like this. He suddenly blanked out and fainted in front of you into the pavement; you were thankful his hard hit to the ground didn’t cause any injuries. You jump forward taking his face into your hands, “I’m so, so glad. You’re okay? You’re okay right?” His eyes widen and see his brown irises swirling with so many emotions. What happened?

You peer around at the people, “Thank you, it’s okay, I can take it from here though.” They all nod and slowly disperse. You wrap your arm around his as you help him up from the ground. “God, you worried me so much? Have you been eating your meals regularly? Drinking water? Anything on your mind, you know you can always talk to me Minhyuk?”

He suddenly starts laughing; it’s a laugh that puts you off. Minhyuk removes your hand off his arm before taking a large intake of breath. “I’m fine. Really. I just. I just had a bad headache, I must be overworking myself.” Your brows scrunch together concerned, “You can go back up to the clouds and request for a break, I’ll come with you-“ “NO!” He suddenly yells, stepping back. You freeze; you can’t be mad at him. He must be experiencing shock right now. You had to take it slow.

He runs a hand through his hair, “It’s fine, really. I appreciate it. I never wanted you to worry.” You frown, “Of course I’d care about you, why wouldn’t I?” He nods slowly, “Right. Of course. Sorry, I’m, yeah, it’s my head. Pounding.”’ His words are slightly disjointed. “Let’s get you home. You need rest.” You smile comfortingly. Minhyuk nods with a solemn expression.

You get his apartment soon enough and you end up making him some ramen. You can’t reach the bowls and you try to find a stool of some sort. Before you can walk, you see him walk beside you with a smirk, “Sorry, I don’t have a stool here.” You scoff, “Yeah, I get it, why would you?”

He grabs the bowls down and leans forward; you become flustered, “What?” His eyes glimmer, “Thanks for earlier by the way. Being by my side.” You smile, “Of course, no worries.” Before you can take the bowls, he playfully moves them behind him. “Ah, ah.” He hums. His eyes sparkle mischievously; he leans even closer, “Were you that worried for me?” You stammer at the closeness, “Y-Yeah of course. Didn’t you see me crying?” Even closer. “Do I mean that much to you?” He asks, a wry smile on his lips.

You smile; him and his ego. You murmur, “Maybe. A little.” His eyes flash with a grin, “Angels can’t lie, it’s written all over your face. I’m your entire world.” You shove him as he laughs and you huff, “Oh shut up, you’re such a narcissistic brat. Maybe you are.”

Even though you think he’s joking, you didn’t want to admit to him that in fact, what he said was true. He was your entire world now. He means the most to you. You had come to terms with the fact you’d fallen ever so seriously in love with him. You wanted to confess before you left Seoul; there was what, only a week left? Once you got back to the clouds, it would be much more difficult to find time for him. He’d be just as busy as you. Whether he reciprocated them or not, you wanted to get it out there. Maybe you could still be friends?

You could do it. You peer back at him observing you. “Deep in thought?,” He asks. You take the bowls, “A bit.” He sighs sarcastically, “It’s hard running all day in your head.” “I will batter you, Lee Minhyuk.” You glare. He laughs loudly, “Try me.” So with that, you both eat ramen together for the afternoon beside each other whilst watching a drama on his TV. Ever so perfect.

>>>>>>

You peer at your phone for the umpteenth time at the text message you sent to Minhyuk: “Meet me up at Eungbongsan, the spot we went to, with the bench right by the lake, 7pm? Is that okay?” “Sure, I'll be there a bit early.” He responds.

Your heart palpitates at a velocity which you thought was unimaginable. You clutch your heart; your breath wavering and shaky. Today was the last day of you being in Seoul; tomorrow morning you’d have to back up to the clouds. Minhyuk was set to leave this evening, since he came to Seoul a few days earlier than you. You felt saddened. It might be awhile before you can see him and hang out again. So this was your chance.

This moment was plaguing your mind for the last week since it entered your head. You were scared, terrified in fact. This was the first time you had been properly enamoured, in love, enraptured by someone to this extent. In all honesty, you hope you wouldn’t have to face the pain of rejection.

You were also going to do something an Angel would only do to show the sincerity of their feelings. You were going to show him your wings. You made sure that absolutely no one would walk in, and even if they did, not like they could see your precious wings, only the supernatural could.

You peer up at the sky, it looked like it was going to rain soon; the clouds arch looming over you with an ashy colour, swirls of dark grey too. Stormy.

Your ears perk up at the sound of crunching- footsteps on the stony, gravelly ground. You feel a shiver run down your spine; goosebumps decorate your skin. Your knees feel shaky and your chest feels heavy. You peer up and see the familiar fiery coloured hair. Minhyuk climbs up the steps atop the hill and walks towards you. He was dressed more fancy than usual, a white shirt laced up towards the collar and tailored trousers.

You smile, “Hey.” Minhyuk gives you a beaming smile, “Last day here for me.” You nod, “Are you that excited to leave me then? How rude.” He crosses his arms; his sleeves being slightly longer than his arms but flowy, “Oh, no, no how could I?” His tone cooes sweetly.

A roguish expression paints itself on his face, “What did you call me here for? We hung out all this morning?” His eyes remain playful. You shakily murmur, “I know, I just. It’s your last day and all, I was, yeah. We might not be able to see each other for a while, it’s busy up in the clouds you know?” He nods with a burning smile, “I can imagine. You’ll be too occupied, being a good Angel and all that.” You chuckle, “God, your flattery hasn’t changed all these months.” Minhyuk murmurs, “That’s good to hear.” His eyes seem to be swirling with many emotions.

“I..uh have something important to talk about though. In all seriousness, no more fun and games.” You begin facing him; your hands begin to clam up. He tilts his head up and you see his lips twitch, “That important..huh?” You nod, “So listen well, I..I’ll say it all once, and then, then I’ll wait. You can talk afterwards.” His posture changes as he folds his arms expectantly and his lips twist into an amused smirk. His eyes swirl darker almost matching the clouds up above.

“I’ve been feeling this way for awhile. I mean..I’ve not had experience with this kinda feeling before. I…I sound stupid, let me just get on with it. Minhyuk, I like you. I like you a lot, and, and I’m genuinely scared, I haven’t felt like this before. You mean so much to me. You’ve only come into my life since the last three months and wow…I have to say I’ve never been happier than now.” You pause briefly, “You make me feel so whole and complete. Sappy I know. But yeah. You make me feel happy, okay? I like everything about you. I don’t know what you’ve been through, with love, but I want to cherish everything about you, and give it a new meaning if, if that’s okay..?”

You feel your wings beginning to appear. You close your eyes. You see the light glow emitting from you. The light pain your back now feels and it feels much heavier. Your wings beautifully outstretch either side glistening with a pearlescent and illuminating hue. Stunning white feathers layer upon layer. You were at your most vulnerable but you were wanting to seem the most incredibly sincere. You would give him the gift of seeing your wings. If he reciprocated, he’d let you see his. It’s a tradition that you hoped he knew.

You gaze back at him with hope written in your eyes. You spot his head hanging low, looking at the ground. A moment of silence passes before he peers back up; his pupils dilated and a calculating smile rests on his lips. Your heart drops, what was he thinking? Minhyuk lets out a laugh. Huh?

“Y/n. Do you want to see my wings?” His eyes sparkle. You nod cautiously, is he going to reciprocate your feelings? This was a sign. Minhyuk throws his head back laughing again and you notice how you begin to feel sick. A dark, almost grotesque feeling invades your senses and the usual glowing aura that Minhyuk emits has disappeared, now replaced with a dark, ominous aura.

One that could be described as similar to a malicious entity, a demon. Your heart pangs. From his back sprouts large wings except to your shock, these wings were coloured the darkest of black, darker than the night sky. A fallen Angel? A demon? Realisation glows on your features. Your knees shaky violently as you collapse to your knees on the soft grass. Your hands vivaciously tremble.

His once sweet eyes that held adoration were cold and full of malice. His dark wings flutter with the utmost grace, beautiful, untouchable for an Angel like you. You want to get up but you feel as though an invisible force is pushing you down. You couldn’t. Your eyes glaze over, panic rushing into your features. “M-Minhyuk?..This can’t be you. It has to be a fake..right? A demon-a shapeshifter..?”

“Excuses, excuses.” His voice cuts like frigid ice. The smile you’d become so accustomed to now felt like the edge of a sword. His words are sharp, twisted like thorns, “You love me don’t you?” You half expected a demon to be prideful, sadistic, happy to see you in such a state, but he was so cold, his eyes held such…pain. You murmur, “I..I do.”

Another empty laugh, his hair covers his eyes. A sly smile, “So naive. So pathetically naive.” The words pierce through you. “Is it really you..?” You splutter. You see his hands forming fists; they were trembling as though fighting something within himself.

“Love, it’s really me. Minhyuk. Can’t you recognise the man you oh, so very much love?” He patronises you. Why? Why is this happening to you? His face remains bleak. “What a shame it’s come to this. Don’t you think there was a reason why so much shit was happening around you, around Seoul? What did you call it? A Dark Monsoon.” His eyes widen manically, “Why did you never realise the cause for it was right in front of you, love?” He steps forwards, his wings arching intimidatingly. Demons don’t have such feathery wings, he’s definitely fallen. You stammer, “What happened to you?”

Minhyuk hisses, “You don’t deserve to give me pity. Focus on yourself. I’ve betrayed you, don’t you get it?” He stands in front of you. His lips twitch, “Your heart is in my hands. I came all this way, did all this shit just so I could tear it in two. Destroy your entire world all today.”

You should be raging. Sobbing your eyes out. What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you weeping, screaming incessantly at him? Your emotions are mixed; you can feel it. You can feel him hurting. There must be a reason why he’s like this. “Minhyuk you don’t h-have to do this.” You plead with glistening eyes; tears begin to build up. You see a flash in his eyes and his hand almost freezes. A pause ensues; a painfully silent one.

The wind picks up exponentially. You hear thunder begin to rumble and grumble above you. A wet raindrop falls onto your skin. “Oh, but I do.” His eyes icy in nature peer down at you as the rain begins to fall down. The sky is dark as this moment. “You’re hurting.” You croak out as tears stream down your face. “I’m not,” he shuns. “You are. You don’t want to do this. I’ve seen the l-look in your eyes. You’re happy. You..You-“ You stutter out sniffling.

You see him hesitant for a moment and his eyes suddenly snap to meet yours, “You don’t know who I really am. You only know me as what you want me to be.”

The words feel like you’ve been stabbed by a dagger. You may as well rip your heart out. Ouch. A cry leaves your lips and Minhyuk’s knee buckled slightly. He frustratedly runs a hand through his soaked locks. His wings flutter violently spraying water everywhere. “You don’t know me. You’re too good for this world, the love you want will never happen.” He sneers out.

Your hands dig into the soil. Pain, you can feel indescribable pain. Heartbreak, the feelings of having your heart violently trodden on, shredded even. He toyed with you. You have to realise this, why are you giving him excuses. He’s fallen, it’s what he was created, reborn to do and now you were going to become one too.

His fingers tentatively run across the top of your right wing. You quiver in fear. Was he past the point of no return? You notice even now how his hand trembles. “You should have yelled at me and told me to fuck off the day I dropped your ice cream on purpose.” What was that, another crack in your disintegrating heart? The malicious smile upon his mask burns into your mind; a dark smile you’d never forget. A dull smile but with glossy eyes.

“You’ll regret this,” you painfully whisper. You just knew he was getting ready to rip a feather out. You close your eyes as more tears slip past your shut eyes. The rainfall becomes a noisy hiss as it picks up pace. Thunder becomes even louder taunting your pathetic position. “I already have,” he croaks back unbeknownst to you. You feel him grip your wing. You couldn’t do anything; you couldn’t move. Did he really despise you this much? You wait for the painful moment.

It never arrives as he suddenly steps back. You hear a ruffle of feathers and a grunt. You open your eyes seeing Minhyuk with a black feather in his hand dripping with blood. It was his own, he ripped out one of his own feathers. What would that even mean?

“Minhyuk? Why!?” You scream. His lips curl into a sadistic smile, “You even care about me even though you knew what I was about to do to you. Fucking pathetic. These demons, whoever you encounter, will eat you alive with that innocence.”

He grabs your hands off the soil and places the feather onto your hand and closes your hand over it encapsulating it. Minhyuk crouches; his eyes dark, wings twitching in pain. He shakily cups your cheek, gritting his teeth, “Get out of my sight. Never try to look for me again. I don’t ever want to see your pretty face. Even in my dreams.” His voice cracks. “M-Minhyuk..” You weep. You feel yourself being able to move. You cling onto him, wrapping your arms tightly around him; you didn’t want to let go. He was tainted. He was tainted, he still wasn’t fully gone, you could salvage him. He moves strands of your drenched hair out of your face, “Don’t even think about it,” he sharply snaps.

He lets go of you immediately and stands up stepping away from you breathing heavily. His eyes pleading but also mercilessly cold. “I’m doing what I should have done long ago. I don’t deserve you. Run away.” You weep harshly; sobs wracking your body. You reach out with the feather in your other hand. “Minhyuk please…please this is a f-fate worse than death.” “Death would be better than being with me. I regret not being able to go back up to the clouds. You don’t deserve that punishment of being dragged down to Hell with me.” He snarls.

“Don’t fucking waste time. Run. Never look back. Don’t even hesitate.” He peers at you with a haunting expression, “Because the next time I see you. I won’t be so merciful. With or without a choice.” “So run. Keep this as a mere nightmare.” He coldly finishes.

You shakily stand yourself up; you immediately retract your wings. Your drenched figure pains his heart. He twists himself away. You stand there in silence seeing him. You look down at the feather. A mere memoir, this tragedy. He spared you the rebirth of a fallen Angel. He didn’t want you to suffer. Did he really love you? Was this still all a painful ploy? You didn’t know anymore. All you knew was that you now felt broken hearted, hopeless, empty.

You had the tiniest bit of hope somewhere in his heart, he wished he could be with you. Even if he himself wanted to be with you, you couldn’t. He was from Hell now, it was forbidden, unspeakable even to court a demon spawn or fallen Angel. You shake your head, what were you thinking? At the end of the day, he betrayed you. He used you. Right? Were you convincing yourself?

You squeeze the feather in your hand. You peer back at him yelling, “I want to know! I want to know the absolute truth, i at least deserve this after all this, before I finally go.”

He nods silently. You cry out, “Was that all I was? Are you just pitying me right now? I was just another Angel to mess with and taint? You’re sparing me, do you do that with all your Angels?” Minhyuk answers back, “If I say I do love you, what difference does it make? Does it change anything?”

“Do you?” You snarl pained. He doesn’t answer you, and that’s all it takes for you to start walking away, no, running away with all your might with tears streaming viciously down your face. Rain pelts against your features like stones against your skin. Torturous.

Minhyuk buckles to his knees letting out a horrific cry of pain. He places his hands onto his head letting out all his emotions and tears. His wings fade away. His face twists into agony. His heart, his dark, murky heart hurts.

Pathetic. Worthless.

He painfully whispers, “I love you. I wish I could say that to you. I wish.” He crackles out. His eyes sting.

The rapturous lies he enveloped you with, the ribbons of deceit he tied you up with, a small part of you wishes you never knew. You wish you never gave him your time of day that very first day you met. He destroyed your world, your heart, right between his fingers.

You run with the feather in your hand and you cry out, “I hate you, I hate you so much.” You let go of the feather. It whisks off hastily in the harsh winds swirling and twirling through the gales. Where would it go? You didn’t care.

It drops into a puddle somewhere far off becoming even more drenched. The dampness making the colour of the feather even darker than an abyss.

It wasn’t meant to be. It never was.

[theheartofpenelope]

SIMPLE THINGS - Chapter five

Chapter five - excerpt : Granted, the subsequent sexual encounter might have been quite imaginary, it dìd prove to Charlotte she was still alive inside. It reminded her of her youth, her possibilities and – let’s be honest - her needs. And upon returning home Charlotte had deemed herself finally ready to gently ease herself back into the dating game, much to her best friend Elisabeth’s joy. The ‘Lizzie’ to her ‘Charlie’. Ever understanding, ever supportive, but ever impatient as well.

Tag list: @winterisakiller, @devikafernando, @scorpionchild81, @messy-insomniac-bookgirl, @smutsausage, @hiddlesbitch1 @noplacelikehome77 @wolfsmom1 @meh1217 @dina-bln @lilaeye39 @tinchentitri @fairlightswiftly @nonsensicalobsessions @wolfsmom1

Author’s Notes/Warnings: tags will follow later on -also : the lay-out of the text-conversation is so much cleaner on AO3. But here on Tumblr it’s a bit of a mess as those specific html-outlining- inserts don’t work *perfectionistic groan* So it’s not looking ‘perfect’ here on Tumblr, I had to manually try to outline it - but I did the best I could... Anyway thank you in advance for feedback - would love to know what you think…

Also on AO3 through this link Bonus: click here for the pinterest moodboard (always updated)

Chapter five Amsterdam, the Netherlands

1.

Amsterdam did not hold many secrets for Charlotte anymore. She had visited the scenic city many times before and so the site had somehow become a familiarity to her. She would never have realised that if Tom hadn’t requested her to send him some pictures of the Netherlands’ capital.

Yes. Tom.

His first message came as quite a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. And Charlotte gladly obliged to the kind wish of this man who had kept his word and sent her some not-so-touristy addresses she ought to visit while in Hamburg and Berlin - her next destinations.

Charlotte’s phone shots mostly consisted of her favourite sights such as the bridges over the breath-taking canals, boats, strings of light bulbs lighting up pop-up summer bars in the park and the beautiful restored architecture that took her breath away as if it were the first time she’d laid eyes upon it. Thank you Tom for reminding me of this.

The Convention didn’t take up much of her time for a change. Charlotte gladly took the opportunity to stop by the floating flower market for some fresh flowers, and browse through one of her favourite flea markets where she picked up a few books before boarding the intercity train home later that afternoon.

With her new acquisitions all packed up, Charlotte strolled down to the Central Station. Upon entering the building, that felt more like the ‘arrivals and departures’- scene at any given airport, she walked passed some colourful shops. She hopped in one to get herself a refreshing drink for the ride home and upon queueing at the cash register, her eyes scanned over the headlines of the international press that was presented there. One specific title in big bold letters called out to her. A tabloid read out in bold red print : ‘Tom Hiddleston spotted with mystery woman’.

Charlotte laughed a little louder than planned as she detected the picture showcased in fact his publicist’s intern. She shook her head in amusement; was this the man she was currently sending touristy pictures to? Felt a bit silly really…

Charlotte couldn’t deny that over the start of the summer her life had somehow taken an unexpected and bizarre turn. While her professional life had continued to overshadow her private life, she did seem to have found a somewhat manageable and unique balance between the two.

In the sense that she would combine her professional obligations at conferences abroad with some extra me-time. She would try to extend her stay as far as time or reason allowed, so she could go and explore the cities and come to herself before starting all over again somewhere else.

In her head her plan seemed picture perfect, in reality she came to realise she really ought to prepare these kinds of visits just a little bit more. Tom’s tips came in more than handy here… She caught her lips curving into a smile.

Stop it! Silly girl...

Up until now Charlotte had managed to keep her head on straight, regardless of her hectic schedule. She was tired but ambitious, worn-out at times but always remained curious and anxious for what came next. And then came London... the visit that shook her up a bit. It felt as if the carpet had suddenly been pulled out from under her feet. Metaphorically she’d stumbled at first, taken quite the fall nevertheless but then got up again, feeling quite unsure and apprehensive. It had been a dizzying 72 hours, but equally exhilarating nonetheless.

Granted, the subsequent sexual encounter might have been quite imaginary, it dìd prove to Charlotte she was still alive inside. It reminded her of her youth, her possibilities and – let’s be honest - her needs. And upon returning home Charlotte had deemed herself finally ready to gently ease herself back into the dating game, much to her best friend Elisabeth’s joy. The ‘Lizzie’ to her ‘Charlie’. Ever understanding, ever supportive, but ever impatient as well. So before Charlotte was good and well aware ‘Lizzie’ had her all set up for a blind date later that night.

Charlotte did her best not to take any offence in Lizzie’s sudden matchmaking extravaganza - lord knows how long she’d been pushing the matter - but decided to ‘just go with it’.

Charlotte switched her phone into flight mode as she boarded the train. She had a thing with flight mode. The thrill of being able to cut out all outside intrusions was one she often indulged in. And right now she had opted to treat herself to some lounge music while reading. With two hours to kill, it seems the perfect getaway from reality.

She settled in her seat, earphones plugged in, loungy music on and one of her new acquirements resting in her hands. She admired the mysterious cover for a while. It was a book Tom had highly recommended to her. Intrigued, she curiously delved in.

WIthin no less than a dozen pages, to her greatest surprise, the words struck home to both Charlotte and her wounded heart.

“Even though I complain sometimes it (his heart) said, it’s because I am the heart of a person, and people’s hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams because they feel they don’t deserve them, or that they won’t be able to achieve them.

Many years ago Charlotte had lost her heart to a man. Well, a boy still when they’d first met. And she’d treasured him just as much as he had treasured her. They had gone through so much together; they left the university-benches together and dived headfirst into their professional lives. And while they took their time to search where their respective professional futures lay, they wasted no time on their personal future and got married. She’d truly followed her heart.

Fairly soon he was on his road to success, while Charlotte struggled. They bought a flat with a breath-taking view over the park but by then the marriage was already in heavy weather...

Charlotte’s stomach turned into a knot as the narrative in the book went on.

"We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away, or of moments that could have been good, but weren’t, or treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because when these things happen we suffer terribly.”

You see; back then, in her professional life Charlotte had only faced glass ceilings and struggled with the balance between professional and private life. A struggle her husband had failed to see or recognize.

Evidently work demanded they would started moving in different circles, networking, meeting new people, investing. He had to put in crazy hours, there was no energy left for other struggles. And Charlotte definitely felt like a struggle he wanted to do without. Or one he could do without.

It astounded her really. After all, they had overcome so much together; she always thought their relationship had a solid foundation that could resist any type of storm. But somehow, in this phase of their lives, she felt as if their marriage was built on nothing more than a children’s floaty. Whimsical, terrifyingly unpredictable. To make matters worse, in his opinion there was only room for one career in a marriage. Charlotte begged to differ but for the sake of her marriage she gave up trying to pursue more , thinking it would make her happier and by result him as well. Only it didn’t.

She wasn’t suffering though, not anymore , Charlotte thought. With pain in her heart, she had to accept the crumbling of their relationship, their understanding and ultimately their love. She had fought and sacrificed, alas it takes two to tango and their paths lay so far apart now. Closing the door on her marriage, she closed off the door to love in general. Although the divorce was ultimately somehow a mutual decision; that didn’t mean it hurt any less. He had been a part of her past and present, but sadly no longer held her future and that insight hurt. Those who say infidelity hurts the most, meet ‘indifference’; the very close runner up!

"My heart is afraid it will have to suffer,” said the boy.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams because every second of the search is an encounter with God….”

Charlotte had turned her focus now solely on her professional life where all of a sudden – to her a delight - a glass ceiling started showing subtle cracks. She grasped the opportunity with both hands, diving into work and research at full speed, ignoring all else.

Her wings had been clipped in the past, she felt she owed it to herself to open them up now and fly. Far, far away. And she dreaded the day (or the person) who would even try to confine her again.

It caused her an occasional lecture from her best friend Lizzie, but was it clear to outsiders as well that she had closed herself off like this? Or was Tom’s recommendation of this particular book just a happy – albeit freakishly strange - coincidence?

Cracking open the door to my heart wasn’t enough; must you take down the entire façade as well?

Realising the answer to this question was irrelevant she immediately engrossed herself further in the book. Charlotte felt tears stinging as the chapter went on. Before she knew it, she was halfway along the book when the train halted at her destination. She left the train with a heavy heart, an emotional wound but a regained insight. She shook her head and tucked her new favourite book in her purse.

2. It had to be said : Charlotte was pleasantly surprised that she was greeted with a very charming man that evening.

Well done Lizzie!

He was tall and dressed to the nines, with dark hair, piercing green eyes and a handsome smile to match. She had an inkling he knèw he had charm, but she was not yet sure if he played that card.

He turned out to be both charismatic and intelligent. Charlotte had to fight her inner cynic who immediately wanted to find out what was ‘wrong’ with him in order for him to be single, temporarily forgetting he might as well have the same reservations towards her.

They shared appetizers while talking about the current heat wave, the local news, bits and bobs. It was mildly entertaining, at least as far as anxious blind dates can go. It would seem a lovely dinner would ensue.

The man was athletic, which made him easy on the eye however not on the mind. It started when dinner was ordered and gluten was off limits. “Not allergic,” he elaborated, “but bad for my physique.” Charlotte however gladly indulged in a homemade Sicilian pasta stew. It wasn’t meant as a rebellious act, she was simply a not-so-secret foodie.

We’re on the fence here, ladies and gentlemen, but let us not jump to conclusions…

When the topic of interest came up, it was clear they could not have been more divers and while in her mind that thrilled her, she found he held no remote interest in her hobbies. In fact; he was quite opinionated. She may have been as well, but isn’t there some sort of grey zone? Or the illusion of politeness for starters?

Strike 1.

He considered art as overrated and too pricey. While Charlotte could agree on the financial matter, but ‘overrated’? Seriously? He considered literature old and stuffy, and commented along the lines of “honestly who reads these days.”

Strike 2.

Also, he left his smartphone on the table during the entire dinner and wasn’t too shy to check it at times. Hel-lo?

Strike 3.

Charlotte had learned long ago to be honest about her desires and so by the end of dinner, after the coffee and the dessert, when he suggested drinks at a wine & lounge bar, she politely refused. She was knackered and the foresight of spending more time going through pointless conversation frustrated her.

She kindly bid her farewell and at his attempt to a ‘let’s do this again maybe’ Charlotte carefully added she did not see any point in that. Kind as he might have been. She was met with a surprised reaction. Apparently he did not expect an answer as honest as this, even though he did feel the same.

Was it not ok to just step forward and say things like this, then?

Clearly he wasn’t a feminist either. Or was she just high maintenance?

You’re out!

On her walk home, Charlotte unmuted her smartphone. At least shé had the common sense to zone out outside distractions during her date. As expected Lizzie had already dropped several lines to her. And Charlotte was about to – and very gingerly so – elaborate on the horror-date, “ 3 hours down the drain, did I rush home for this ?” when she made another, more pleasant, discovery.

Tom had replied to her Amsterdam snapshots. It instantly lifted her mood to read her pictures had brought ‘joy to his heart’ before going on to share an equally amusing as eloquent anecdote on his day. Clearly a man who reads , the devil on her shoulder fired back to her long-gone date.

3.

After London, Charlotte had adjusted his name on her contact list to the more fitting ‘Instigator Tom’. She grinned as they exchanged some messages back and forth. As it appeared Charlotte wasn’t the only one who had suffered a lousy end to a promising evening; Tom had gone through a crappy day as well. In an attempt to lighten the mood, she carefully informed him :

                           I started reading ‘The Alchemist’<<

>>And? Your thoughts so far?

          There was this quote that I cannot shake…<<   ”You will never be able to escape from your heart.<<           So it's better to listen to what it has to say”<<                                       So tonight, I listened to it.<<

Tom’s lips curved into a smile while he tapped on his phone that that was undoubtedly a very wise decision on her behalf. Although he did sympathise for her date gone wrong. He chuckled out loud when Charlotte swiftly countered with a “you should be, it’s all your fault really - recommending that book and all…” And he gladly and sincerely apologized to her.

To his surprise her date turned out to be a blind date, and before he was well aware he had sent out :

>> So, it was a ‘blind’ date? Forgive me for saying, but you don’t strike me as the type who would need a set-up?

                                     I’ll take the compliment ;-) <<

So Charlotte had went on a date, a blind one at that. While Tom wanted to think 'good for her', his mind fixated on 'single'. Truly, he wanted nothing more than to bond with her on the difficulties of dating but found himself lacking for any decent answer in that department because he simply did not date. Not anymore.

Long gone were the days were he would (or could) just go out and strike up a conversation with a woman and see where it went. He wasn’t around long enough to let anything flourish, let alone bloom. Not at all. When he wasn’t working, his days or evenings were filled with press tours, interviews, premiers, gala's. Maybe an occasional party. But the essence of it all was always exactly the same. Someone would pull on his sleeve, demanding him to ' come and meet someone' . Someone in his line of work, someone up and coming, someone he should definitely rub shoulders with. Meet so and so. Talk, discuss, network. At times it really wàs lovely and interesting. But the horrible truth of the matter remained that Tom was living by his work schedule and not by his heart. A very conscious decision he’d made many years ago, that had somehow turned into a grueling reality these days.

So he replied to Charlotte in the only way he could, by truthfully confiding in her and sharing the loneliness of the ‘picture perfect actors’ behind the spotlights.

Thank you for saying that. However, I find this very doubtful… <<

>> It is the truth though, I’m afraid.

He hesitated for a moment, before daring to question her :

>> You’ve not been dating long?

              No. Just easing into it again. (Peer pressure)<<                                                        It’s been a while…<<

Tom unknowingly bit his lower lip, subsequently running his tongue over it while he wondered how he could diplomatically find out more without seeming crass or rude. Did she suffer from a bad break-up? To his surprise she very easily and clearly admitted that the only thing she ‘suffered from’ was a lonely divorce.

A divorce?

Charlotte chuckled and shook her head when Tom apologized via text - as if he had anything to do with her marital status… A short text of his followed asking her what had happened and then a third one; another apology because he reasoned his asking was ‘probably rather indiscrete’.

She was unaware that a heavy sigh escaped her lips as she delved deep into her thoughts before typing out:

                         That’s all right. I guess ‘life’ happened?<<                                                   Feels like failure though.<<

Or the death slot on the goose board. Back to square one.<<

                                           (can’t believe I just said that)<<

         Goes to show, I’m damaged goods. Steer clear ;-)<<

Her answer came out in a series of separate texts. The obvious proof her mind was still processing somewhat. Tom’s benevolent reply that she shouldn’t be too hard on herself, warmed her heard. After all, he reasoned “Sometimes it’s nice to start over? Or heal.”

                                                                  So they say… <<

Dot. End of the line.

Charlotte kept silent after this. Nothing more was to be said on the matter, was there? In London, Tom thought long and hard about a decent reply… In his heart he felt he could not end this conversation on those last words of her.

>> If memory serves me well, the book also says : “Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.”

Charlotte smiled to herself as a text followed in which he reasoned “we’re not meant nor made to be alone” and that her peer pressuring friends are right in pushing her forward after nearly a year on the bench. “Someone to talk to late at night, Someone to cuddle, … not to be underestimated!”

He shook his head to himself when he caught himself typing that the end of a marriage isn’t the be all - end all. And while he fervently dreamed he would never have to experience a divorce first-hand, sometimes it was simply the right thing to do. If only you handled it well. In which case he referred to his parents and the toll it could possibly take on the young children involved. But Charlotte had no children, she was young enough to start over. And there is no harm in that.

Now this is some very cheap therapy , a mirthless grin at his own expense.

>> Not all storms come to disrupt your life, Charlotte, some come to clear your path.

A pause.

>> Besides, there’s always the prison-slot. Just a time-out until someone sets you free.

                                                       … isn’t that a Sting song?<<

>> Avoiding the point Charlotte..

                                                                                            :-) <<          Thank you for recommending the book to me though.. <<

>> I hold it close to my heart. I had a feeling you might appreciate it as well.

Charlotte heaved a content sigh and confessed that, indeed, all she wanted to to was to get home and finish the book. To her surprise he correctly guessed she would and should just do that in her garden. Good memory, young man. Bonus points for you.

She agreed with him and shared her intent of making a fresh mint tea first. Because when you read in the garden at night, this was the only way to do it right. He chuckled to himself and confessed how much he could relate to that.

Their conversation ended with wishing the other a good night and the promise of more book recommendations.

Placing his smart phone away, Tom reminisced on the sneak-peak he’d gotten of her heart and it was not what he had imagined it to be. In his eyes she was intelligent, beautiful and carefree. He never considered her broken hearted. Goes to show everybody hides behind a façade, he realised. It made him like her just a little bit more.

[athyrabunlord]

Kyouka Suigetsu (1)

A/N: I should not be starting any new stories when I have so many things pending but, this idea’s been bugging me and I must get something out at least. While I can’t promise regular updates, this story shouldn’t be too long, perhaps around 6 parts (honestly could be written as a long oneshot but that means it’ll never get written OTL I think I prefer this format anyway)

Summary: [AU] 鏡花水月 (Kyouka Suigetsu) - lit. flower in the mirror, moon on the water; something that is visible but having no substance; illusion; phantom; A story of a struggling pianist, a desolate koto player and dancer, and their intertwined lives.

Ships: DiaRiko

Words: 1,371

It started with a tingling note.

She blinked lethargically, looking down at her own reflection on the glass of water she was sipping from. A pair of tired amber eyes stared back at her, the mirror image showing a woman with a placid expression. She half-heartedly brushed her fingers through her messy wine-colored tresses, reminding herself to put more care in her hair but also acknowledging that she would forget it later.

All her thoughts were on composing a new piece, her quotidienne life revolving around and devoted to music.

Yet there was no progress. None whatsoever.

She had even taken a break from the city and travelled to the countryside, staying at a cozy and homely-looking inn by the sea to see if she would get any inspirations. A few days had already gone by, and her music sheet remained laughably blank.

Frustrated, she got up from the piano to put away the glass of water at the sink at a corner. This was a rather peculiar room - it was spacious enough to house a grand piano, a few other desks and a kitchenette, as if built to accommodate any occupant with the desire to focus on music and music only.

The owners of the Inn explained that the structure had always been like this, passed down from generation to generation, even though none of their relatives had affinity with any instrument. Still, they appreciated music and were fond of how the room was set up, despite not knowing its origin. Thus, the area was never renovated and she, a struggling pianist, found herself making full use of this room.

Not that there was any progress so far.

Sighing, she washed the glass and allowed the cold water to run over her fingers, jolting her sense awake. The transparent water trickled down her palm and into the sink, slipping through her grasp just like any vestiges of ideas she had.

Why was it this difficult? What am I missing?

As if in response to her prayers, she heard that tingling note once more.

Brow furrowed, she hastily dried her hands and searched for the source of the sound. It was clear and reverberating, akin to a bead of water dropping upon a pond. The tune continued, the ripples of music plucking at the strings of her heart, and her search became desperate. She glanced around the room, likening the flowing notes to that of a guitar but not quite. They were more subdued and refined, perhaps even comparable to those produced by a piano’s ivory and ebony keyboard.

She found a glass wind bell outside the window, fluttering along the slight breeze with its chimes just as gentle. The more she gazed at the fuurin, the more soothed she felt under its simple yet mesmerizing sound. Even then, she knew that the song she just heard did not come from this wind bell.

The melody was too beautiful, too emotional, too human to have been made by a mere breeze.

Was she hallucinating from stress? Was she dreaming?

She closed her eyes as the tune enveloped her in its magic, and images began to seep through her mind. She could see someone dressed in a humble but still intricate kimono, the long and flowing sleeves swaying along with the dancer’s dainty movements. The performance was as stunning as it was artistic, flawless in rhythm and full of emotions.

She had vague memories of watching the traditional dance in festivals and other occasions, but those paled in comparison to the vivid image she just saw.

It was beautiful, both in form and sound.

Nodding, she returned to her seat and began to jot down notes on her sheets. The music may have stopped but it continued to play in her mind.

When her fingers tentatively danced over the keyboards, she smiled for the first time in months. She wasn’t certain of the theme or the direction just yet. Nevertheless, she poured her heart into the new composition, the notes soaring in innocent joy.

Gratitude to the mysterious sound, for inspiring her and for letting her enjoy that wonderful performance.

Thank you.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

It ended with a resonating note.

She slowly opened her eyes, and relaxed just ever so slightly in her seiza position. She should be worried that she was hearing things, but she honestly felt calmer than ever. This sense of peace had been evasive for a long time now, especially now that there were even less patrons at the Inn and her performances unnecessary. With no goal and a grim future ahead, she felt like breaking down.

That and because of her inability to immerse in music anymore.

Restlessness at the worldly affairs and frustration at her personal issues, this combination had rendered her a hollow husk. The folk songs she performed no longer had any feelings behind it, enough that even the most dense of audience had noticed.

Therefore, on this quiet evening, she had shut herself inside the room in an attempt to compose and rekindle her flames of passion. She held great pride in her art, having danced and played the koto for as long as she could remember, thus her despair grew at her current predicament. She vented it out in the stringed instrument, plucking a series of notes that had no meaning or connection, and simply bared the entirety of her raw emotions.

Again and again, she had played to her heart’s content, not having to worry about decorum or the proper style required for moderate folk songs. Tired but pleased, she had allowed herself a break by sitting out on the veranda upon her favorite red cushion. As she gazed at the night’s canvas, illuminated by the bright full moon and clusters of stars here and there, she prayed and hoped for some sort of change in this mundane life.

And that was when she heard the mysterious sound.

It was otherworldly, for it sounded neither like string nor wind instrument. Not shamisen and definitely not the shakuhachi flute. Just what was it? It was too different than anything she was used to hearing, for each note resonated with power yet flowed in harmony.

The song was similar to the intimate piece she just played but at the same time, it was something else as well. There was another person’s style to it, and the lively melody was the only thing that prevented her from looking for the source of music.

Instead, she remained seated in reverence until the performance ended.

Had she been too stressed? It couldn’t have been a hallucination caused by a heat stroke, not during a pleasantly cool autumn evening. There were no more musicians who worked for this Inn, for they had long left to seek their fortunes elsewhere. She was the only one who stayed, had to stay, for many reasons she couldn’t even begin to enumerate.

Thus her bewilderment. What was this song then? Where was it from, perhaps Heaven itself? A divine encouragement, a blessing from the Moon who kept her company on countless sleepless nights?

Strange. As fleeting as it had been, I felt… complete.

Shaking her head at such whimsical thought, she stepped off of the veranda and onto the grass lawn. Her geta made soft clicks upon the stone path as she walked towards the pond, where the the calm surface provided a clear reflection of the night sky and its sole spectator. She gazed down at her mirror image, a woman with billowing black hair and troubled emerald eyes whose countenance was feeble enough to be swallowed by the shadows around her.

She took a small step forward and out of the shades to bask under the moonlight.

Glancing at the reflection again, she noticed a small smile upon the woman’s visage. Ah, indeed, for the first time in many months, she had been able to enjoy playing the koto, as the melody was for herself and herself only.

Her hand reached for the moon, and languidly swung sideways while her body shifted and turned. Gingerly and quietly, she began to dance to the beautiful melody that replayed inside her mind.

For the unknown musician who touched her heart.

Thank you.

[theliterateape]

A Story About a Mom

By J. L. Thurston

[Editor's Note: Yes, Mother's Day is a few days away but some of you have forgotten it. Here is reminder. –DH]

Some girls dream of being an ice skater, some dream of starring in movies, and the wildest dreams involve princesses and ballerinas. As they get older they imagine becoming teachers, or nurses or travelers of the world.

There once was a young woman who dreamed of the day she could become a mother. Holly was beautiful, full of life and laughter and of an easy temperament. In the late 1970s, she was like dandelion seeds blowing everywhere in the wind. Whimsical and free.

There was an older man who filled her eyes with stars and her head with the buzzing excitement of bees. He gave her three children in the span of six years. She thought she was getting everything she ever wanted, but instead she received heartache.

He abused her. Stole from her. Ignored their children. He ran off with other women for months at a time, returning for food and shelter. He was an addict. He broke her nose. His own mother told Holly to leave him. It seemed endless and hopeless. It wasn’t until she lost her mother to cancer that she found it within herself to move on.

She scooped up her babies and traveled three days in a train to a small town south of Chicago. There she was, a young mother with a brood of crazy toddlers, completely alone with nothing but her wits to survive.

Did she cry? Probably, but she never showed it. She rolled up her sleeves and got to work on rebuilding her life. She focused only on paying bills and keeping her children healthy and happy. She got her kids into school and church, they ate three meals a day, and there was never a shortage of laughter under their roof. They all thought that nothing could possibly be missing from their lives.

Until she met this one guy. John worked with her in a kitchen. He’d blow straw wrappers at her and she would laugh, making the sun shine with her smile. He had a sharp wit and was just the right amount of carefree. He loved rock ballads. They went to KISS concerts, wearing leather jackets and hair-spray. They rode around in his green Chevy Nova, blasting cherry bombs and speeding through country roads. He made her laugh, she made him want to make her laugh.

And though she refused him many times, he finally convinced her to go out on a date with him. How had he finally broken through the impenetrable fortress she had built around her heart? Was it possible she could actually trust a man again? She found herself willing to try.

Their first official date was in winter, and the snow was coming down like a white curtain. That’s the story they tell these days, anyway. They claim the roads were terrible when their date ended. He just had to stay over. And he never left.

He was there for every meal, every church and school play, every game, and every bedtime. He didn’t have it easy. Raising someone else’s kids is one of life’s most difficult challenges.

The eldest child refused to acknowledge him. The son was grateful for a male figure to wash away the sea of estrogen in the house, but they had very little in common and rarely bonded. He had his hands full with the mouthy, drama-queen youngest daughter (that’s me, by the way). I was constantly testing him, but I was quick to call him Dad, and sit on his lap for cartoons, and make him tie my shoelaces.

After abuse, abandonment and starting a new life, my mother finally had the one thing she had dreamed of. A family. Happy and whole. It wasn’t perfect, but that added flavor.

We all argued with each other and tested boundaries. We butted heads, we disagreed. But underneath it all was love. And it was all so blissfully normal.

My mom’s maternal spirit was not exclusive to her offspring. Many times, she took in the abandoned kids in their small town. Surprisingly, this kind of thing happens a lot. Sometimes cousins were taken under her wing, sometimes it was kids from school who had nowhere to go. It wasn’t just her own brood who called her Mom. And for many years I had to endure being called “Holly’s daughter,” in my own hometown.

My mother became a grandmother in one giant swoop. I was the first to be pregnant, and five months into it, my brother turned up with a pre-started family and his own baby on the way. My mom went from mother-of-three to grandmother-of-six in one year. It was a beautiful year.

It was no surprise that my brother became such a dedicated and happy step-father, being raised by an amazing one himself. If anyone brings it up, I will proudly say that my step-father was the best gift my mother had ever given us. My brother would easily agree, but only say so in his mind or maybe after a beer. As for the eldest kid, my big sister, well, she’s kind of a black sheep now. Eh, can’t win them all.

To this day, my parents are still in love. Older, going to doctor’s appointments and laughing as they both fall apart. My mom’s a little blind, my dad’s a little deaf, they struggle with cholesterol and blood pressure and blood sugar and sleep disorders. The jokes never end at the dinner table. They bicker, they squabble, they get angry for no reason, and they never leave each other’s side.

Mother’s Day is all about how amazing our moms are. They kick ass for their children, they fight battles for us without seeking credit or attention. My mother is a queen among women because she gave us a father who not only loves us unconditionally but loves her just as much, too. So, in a way, I can never feel solely grateful to one parent or the other, because they are a single unit. They are the foundation of our family, so only thanking one instead of both would be like thanking a single rope for holding up a bridge.

Thank you, Mom and Dad. Your children and your grandchildren love you.

[annastrxng]

Annlett: Infinite & Unwavering

Drabble requested by @badsurfer

With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite. How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

Anna’s widened eyes are solely fixated upon Hewlett. She can not help but take full notice of him, the way she had many times before. Edmund was exceedingly handsome. Especially, when bathed in the splendid pastel-white glow of the moonlight. His root-beer and foam shaded hues come to life with boundless passion as he speaks of the stars and galaxies that loomed far above their heads. This is the side of Hewlett that Anna had fallen in love with years ago. Strangely enough, it was still every bit as enchanting. Well, maybe it wasn’t all that strange because this is the kind of love Anna had yearned for since she was a young girl. 

Hewlett’s exact words were lost upon her ears the very moment his mighty hand encompassed her smaller one. 

“Isn’t it spectacular, Anna?” His smooth and gentle tone beckoned, breaking her out of her quiet reverie. 

Pale-rose shaded lips pull upwards into a nervous smile. “Aye. Indeed it is. But it is made even more so when accompanied by your presence,” she gently remarks. 

It takes a moment, but a pleased grin appears upon his face. He was so grateful that all of his bumbling, during their courtship, hadn’t caused Anna to push him aside or reject him. God couldn’t have blessed him with a stronger nor more beautiful wife; even if she had been at first... an enemy. Gently, he draws her into his arms. Her back slowly comes to rest against his chest. “You know, Anna, I’ve always known that we were fated,” he croons.

“Oh? Is that so, Major?” She half teasingly breathes. Anna is admittedly slightly surprised by his revelation. Her head tips back so that her maple-syrup hues can study him, awaiting further explanation. 

“Its true. From the very moment I met you, I knew there was something special,” Edmund affirms. “However, I really fell for you when I watched you jump out of the rebel boat and into the Sound. I’m so fortunate that you did that... and so is our little one.” His palms slowly and respectfully find their way across her swollen abdomen. If she had abandoned Setauket to join the rebel camp that day, she would have robbed him of all the joy he felt now.

Anna feels a heated blush returning to her face and she fights back the urge to cry. That moment had been one of the lowest in her life. She could almost still faintly hear his voice beckoning across the frigid water for his men to cease firing and rescue her. Had it not been for his intervention then, Anna knew she probably would have been a casualty. Her second husband had always been and continued to be so very good to her. It was difficult to recollect that at one period of time, she had actually considered having him killed.

Hewlett’s smile falters as he sees the silver sheen dancing across her beautiful dark eyes. “Now..... now.... love, there is no reason to cry,” he murmurs sweetly. The gentle and warm bows and curves of his lips press a kiss against the sweeping curve of her nearest cheekbone. 

His doting and affection caused Anna to gush with pride. He knew just how to quiet her troubled soul. It takes her a while to recover emotionally but when she does, the pregnant brunette prompts,“do you want to know the moment my heart started melting for you?”  

“Yes. Please tell me.” He eagerly murmurs, against the shell of her ear.

“It was that night when you first showed me the telescope. When you begged me to call you Edmund in private, instead of Major. And... I... I can’t explain it. But it was the first time I saw you... as something other than my enemy. You let me into your life. Something about your honorable nature and kindness made me want to stay involved,” Anna returns softly. 

Edmund is stunned by her confession and it shows in the way he squints and blinks his eyes. Of all their moments, he had hardly suspected that would be the one that had soften her heart towards him. Still, Hewlett found himself grinning as he recalled that night. His darling Anna had been every bit as gorgeous and desirable then as she was now. He startled from his thoughts as Anna suddenly jilted within his arms. Or had it been Anna? The movement had happened against his palm over her abdomen. 

The brunette’s widened eyes fix upon him. Every coil and fleck of her maple-syrup hues happened to be flooded with golden shades of honey, denoting excitement and worried anticipation. 

It takes Edmund a moment to decipher Anna’s knowing gaze.  “Th.... the babe?” He sputtered, feeling his heart practically soar.

Silver orbs slowly trail down her face. “Aye. It be healthy and strong, if the kick be any indication.” She breathes, with a hint of a nervous but giddy laugh playing across her lips. In truth, it was the first time she had experienced such a powerful stirring of the child inside of her. Anna had for the longest time assumed that she’d always be baron. This child was a small miracle. One both parents were pleased to be welcoming into their lives with opened hearts and arms. 

In Hewlett’s excitement, he slowly turns Anna around to face him. His face was beaming with pride and his smile practically stretched from ear to ear. “Oh Anna, I’m so inexplicably happy!” One of his large hands raises to caress her cheek, his trembling thumb slowly wipes away the closest tear. “We’re finally going to have our family and everything is going to be alright. I promise. I’ll take care of both of you,” he reassures her. He ducks his head ever so slightly, till his forehead rests against hers. “Imagine all the possibilities......” he breathes whimsically. 

Edmund’s elation was contagious and it could not be prevented from entering her own veins. His happiness had become the brunette’s priority. Seeing it manifested in such a profound way, made her confident that she had chosen the right path; leaving Setauket behind. Anna could dream of no greater joy than being his wife and remaining at his side for the rest of eternity. 

“I know it will be...” Anna returns, her voice wrought with an abundance of emotion. Any fears and qualms she had over childbirth slowly melted away like ice under the power of the heated sunshine, the moment his forehead comes to rest against her own. “You know, Edmund, you are going to make the most magnificent of fathers. I don’t know what it is, I have done to deserve you, but it must have been something amazing,” she adds. Without further warning, Anna tips her head upwards and leans forward, pressing her pale-raspberry lips to his. She was so enamored with her husband that every other man who existed in her life before him, ceased to be. He was her only love, her world. 

Anna’s small speech blessed him, the way rain does the plants trying to grow in the midst of a drought. Without his even saying a word, she dispels any anxiety he has over welcoming the baby and being a father. Her kiss catches him further off guard but he gladly embraced it. His one sturdy arm wraps protectively around her shoulder-blades as he draws her as close as her rounded belly would allow. Edmund’s lips shower her with every ounce of passion contained inside of him. The fingers of his other hand slowly comb through her deep-chestnut curls. The Major silently vowed to himself that he’d never let any harm come to his beloved family. As long as there was air within his lungs, nothing would rob him of her or their child.

Her long lashes flutter as she is drawn to him as intimately close as possible. Anna’s breath hitched within her throat as she is submerged in his great devotion. Her own slender fingers brush through his short hair. She is content to savor his kiss and return his adoration ten-fold. She internally vowed that nothing would ever get between them, not even a war. 

It suddenly dawns on Anna how beautiful of a thing it was to exist at Hewlett’s side. Their futures were unpredictable. Just as they had been when they had first fell for each other. However, together Anna was certain that they would make it through the storms of life together. No matter what happened, their love for each other would remain eternal, unwavering against the strong gales of change. 

[peace-and-disquiet]

Ignore this

First One Hello Second Purgatory and all the shit Third one Why are movies so like under like a man thing is it because they like to look at things more? Women edits the film Bisexuality- several definitions Bisexuality-negative stereotypes NOPE bisexuslity-what it actually is I like being sick because it's a physical representation of what is going on in my brain. People can finally see that there is something wrong. They cant just take my word for it and they won't be able to see the inner workings of my brain. I like being sick because I know there's something wrong and at least it's on the outside now. Intelligent fools I'm high on devotion "Be happy please" -Roman I'm so ironic A girl with commitment issues that wants tattoos You want me to be as flat as Texas but I am like the rolling hills of California Nothing more mostly yes You taught me how to love and lose myself I don't know who I am or where I belong you took that away so just find a place for me to stay La La Land Short film from kid perspective only see legs moving and audio While taking off from LAX I was looking out the window and it hit me. I flew over the place that I've lived my whole life in. The place that will be hard to escape. It was almost tear dropping. But then I remembered, I remembered everything. This place looked so beautiful from above with the lights shining and it being so untouchable, but it's terrifyingly devastating how horrible it is once you land. Once you leave the airport and go back to your life. And it made me realize that it is like that everywhere, no matter where I go it will be like that. There really is no happy place anywhere. Then I looked again and I remembered the places where I had the greatest memories and met the greatest people. Despite the extensive amount of bad in the world these places still shown through. It made me love these memories twice as more. Look again. sockhead: Two people on couch one gets up to grab water and walks over to box and empties it out and puts it on head then walks back to couch sits looks at other person gets up paces walks funny turns around does a spin and walks to other person and says "would you like a dance" "Look at this post Your battery percentage is the age you lose your virginity What's yours at *pulls out phone* lmao it's at 16 and I'm 16 Exactly" And you can tell what happens next First scene is someone people watching and them getting stuck on one person and they go to their friend and is like "I was people watching but I got stuck on this one person *describes*" "Who is my someone in the crowd?..hmmm... WHERE IS MY SOMEONE IN THE CROWD HUH WHERE ARE THEY *cries*" Idk that's usually what I say when I want the world to fuck off Future short film: Foggy (silent) Trust goes both ways -rogue one Let's tell him how much we love him Falling in love with some is loving a person so rapidly, you just figure out the person automatically basically. Falling in love with someone gradually is the best feeling because you never know what is coming or what you feel. Once you know what it is you either regret it or embrace it. Nothing can ever be that perfect. That's what makes it beautiful Your voice is like a lullaby Scene or picture: All kinds of couples kissing in front of the Hollywood sign All cute and poop and then boom It's a misconception of a heart... I don't like misconceptions. I no longer fear death because I know that when I die it means that I am being taken out of this world because I have fulfilled my sole purpose so there is no point in me being here anymore. So Roman you and Irene are hanging out at some place together and you guys are left alone cuz Roman had to go somewhere but Irene looks at you all mad but as she pounces on you, you start making out... Irene only dated Roman to get to izzy Most underrated scene: when someone is going through something and they kick something and more stuff comes down Well shit Google translate to I Love You Use human nature in short film with ending like bad things (one person turns around) or in any love short film Covers: Secrets What a wonderful world Fly me to the moon Breaking Free w/ Roman Something New w/ Roman Creep Walt Disney is evil "The hardest part is the fact that I would do it all again" Oh you don't know me until you've seen cry about a boy cuz there's hurt in the world oh you don't know me No matter how much you wanna forget how much you loved someone because it hurts you would still do it all again "I mean when I love I love hard ya know" "It excites me that one day I will just leave" "The idea of running away intrigues me" I was too scared to love her If I lived in the places where my parents are from I would have the almost ideal body type but no I live in Cali where it's filled with impossible goals but hey even over there the goals are still impossible but society loves telling women all over the world that they have to look a certain way to be beautiful or to have people be attracted to them but hey we can't really do shit about it cuz it already affected our generation but we can help stop it for our kids or grandkids cuz it's fuckin unbearable Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one improvising Lets say all the things we never said I'm under my bed the scary man is in my head I love you Alex I love you and I fuckingn hate you -OITNB Sock head:can it go in notes? Song for girl You're a cool hat because you go over people's head Mom:I better not get a grandchild anytime soon Me:well that ain't gonna happen cuz one of us is gay and the other one sucks at getting into relationships "Ask no questions and you'll be told no lies" -Charles Dickens The city Sock head *kissing* *pulls away just a bit* what are we doing? Idk Okay *continues* You kick it up but it comes back down with more crap I have to go see about a girl -Good Will Hunting My whole life I was told to just slap a smile on and don't feel only be happy and normal but as I got older I realized that the beauty and meaning in life is feeling. The smile was still there but only when I meant it so it became more special. For once I was truly happy and had real friends. It's insane the things we're taught as kids because they really hold us back from life. Unreasonably obsessed You've made it-engaged-reality-join-idealize Love-laughter-talk They say the best way to move on is to let go as if letting go is the easiest part To house cats their home is their earth Seventeen Laying down staring up camera in front first scene rest shows how the person should change but last scene is same thing Walking out of house furious walking swamp scene Last first kiss Ten Commandments of film Prince Charming would never settle for you-bo burnham Beatify=violent Some Future stranger I got my mom a mug on her birthday she got a mugshot on mine It was something...a great story...just not a novel (it's not a poem) Life really does teach you how to live it if you live long enough Gentlemen you can't fight in here this is the war room -Dr Strange Love CURRENT Perspective What is it exactly that you see in this (July 7th) TATTOOS Music passage on rib cage (Creep) 28, 3, 10, 4, 7, 8 on forearm like it would show up on fortune cookie Equal sign behind ear Music not thumb Lame on middle finger w/Amanda Let life be A-live Aliento Love only Simplicity Not enough to time for time outs (tattoo and idea) Perspective tattoo Three spiral tattoo Pulse tattoo Viking symbol tattoo Roman Numerals (18) (17) Passion Now Ellipses Semi colon Vegvisir compass Hakuna Matata symbol Arrows Music note Bicycle Faceless cat tattoo or cat tattoo Moon tattoo Tree tattoo ™ tattoo Equality (two lines) & City outline tattoo Silhouette Parentheses FILM TITLES In the eventual reality It's not the first time someone has walked away from something beautiful It's Not a Poem (film idea sammy) Person thinks that they're in love but the other one is like "hey reality" etc. People who fear death die everyday people who don't die only on one day-Julius Ceaser The light at the end of the tunnel is behind us It's still real (film idea) Because The Movie Ends (film idea)NAH What's your mentality Do you need the past to have a future Do you need a future to have a past Right answer:You need the now to have anything SONGS We're falling apart together Le-e-E-t meeee lovvvee youuuu Sock head We're just PG-13 (idea) Lost stars One piano hit City Oauahhhhhohhhh Stars Music Headphones Pearls=lights Let me be afraid Light bulb lantern sleep eat Connected Flowin rivers Whimsical Running through the flowers falling for the hours oh time goes on no mercy for the broken Caannnn iiiii SEEE tonight Ohhhh dreeeaammsw tooo faarrrr rreeaacchh dying slowly aging with faces taking the lights breaking it down Falling towards nothing but it feels like something Candle Julius Ceaser Kissing on a grave yard Wrinkled hearts fading spades Numerology Crumbs I feel so bad I broke a plastic man SCENES Camera on girl calm face then she winces and starts screaming FIGHT BACK *pause* FIGHHT BACK *pause* then the camera goes to the side girl is looking in mirror *full mirror shot* as girl screams (score is like insane and then is white noise as she screams then like a gust of wind as the scene cuts) Car crash two people in car siblings scene goes Car flipping silence car flipping silence car flipping silence car flipping silence for slightly longer then one of the siblings waking up like the car hit the floor and looks at dead siblings wide eyes swallows crawls out of window looks at car wide eyed turns around looks at people getting out of their car wide eyed then walks limping and dripping blood maybe possibly when far away from camera just dropping dead (either ending or beginning) RANDOM IDEAS 818-fuc koff Kissing on a graveyard I can feel myself falling as I lay on the floor Death is the hour of life You're in a cage-what cage?-life You can't come to terms with reality reality comes to terms with you I'm addicted to addiction I wanna try acid you? I wanna try cigarettes well that's boring Doing drugs in front of chuck e cheese The extra that no one notices If I wanted somebody to die I would've killed them myself Meaningful regrets You know when people jump off a bridge to commit suicide well when they fall into the water they slowly float past the other uncared for yet loved souls This guy fucks a manikin and then he dates this girl and she's like a manikin She graduated from being raped to being murdered Why should I die? I'm not the asshole The Public:They like you they dislike you they hate they want to kill you they love you You know me in your marrow The fact is that it The unlikely couple Emails what a bunch of load of shit Is it that I people care for a little bit or is it that they just don't care How long do we have to deal with this? Till we don't "There's no such thing as the past when you haven't had a future" I've realized that there is nothing telling me yes but you Ankh Fuck shit you Life Death Truth Lies Don't you wish that there was a way to know you were in the good ol days before you left them I wish there was cuz I would go back Love just is Lost in a world full of love There is no light There is no everything without death Every mask rips My hand are like mini earth quakes My stomach has a heart beat "Do you want him to be your English teacher" "I know how to speak English" "He was drunk" We only die on one day It can either be a child or a penis (kid) I have a lot of pictures of my plants Texting your sexuality We were forever Scared to Come out to a parent who works at a place called pride A man named John Prays calls crash die Uh sorry my email isn't working right now Candle I go to grammar I know synononomns my wardrobe is mostly flannels because I took a flannel from every person that I loved It took forever to get out of my moms manipulation growing up and then I was thrown into his and I got out of it and then I get out of that and I'm trying not to get into anything else like that Growing up my mom would always make me do things or make me feel things and the actual me would only pop out occasionally and during that I would just live in fear and its like that again and I really hate it because now it's not just her I just want to leave cali But that's gonna be really hard and even my family says that I won't leave because I care too much and even though my mom does so much crap to me I can't leave her alone because she doesn't know how to be and she'll go crazy Because my brother will be here but he's not good at this I've had to do it my whole life because he was non existent I've been taking all of it from both parents and all of my family my whole life And I still get compared to my brother and my family says I'm copying him just because I like some of the things he does and I told him about things that he really likes now but no I'm copying him She's always made me do things and never let me be my own person because I'm so god damn afraid of her And I ant escape it and it freakin sucks even more now because I'm aware of it but I don't want to be oblivious again because I never had good experiences then Now I do occasionally like I feel now and I have actual friends but now it's just stale and it sucks because for some stupid ass reason I close myself off Because I'm scared that everyone is gonna be like what I grew up with Or that I'm gonna have to leave them So I screw up good crap or I don't let stuff be great just good I can't help it because at the time where I could've defined myself a little bit it was mostly what my mom told me to be and fear and now I'm kind of just everywhere still afraid And I'm scared of the future because I feel like I'm gonna get into a relationship or have friendships where I'm controlled Of be stuck doing something I hate Just slap a smile on and walk away At this point the smile is kind of necessary for other people that I love so I have to do it so people can not like explode so it's fine it's kind of normal now My brother and I just wrote music for a song and like idk it's weird cuz we were kind of just improvising and then this kind of thing rose from it and like we were playing together and we ended it and we both looked at each other and he was like "woah that hit me really hard" and I was like "I almost started crying" and he was like "me too" and so like idk I guess the notes and Rhythms hit a soft spot All cute and poo and then boom

[inthelife-of-blog]

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