#soft skk heals my soul

[iwantmochisoup]

i really needed happy skk :3c Happy holidays to ya'll~!! ♡

[lotus-pear]

*Enters your inbox again and casually drops the link*

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuri_LotusFlower/works

Just a heads up, my works are very much fucking soft bcs I was healing my soul from the canon at the time of writing those 😭

nah it’s ok i’ll have to like domestic skk one day if i want to last in this fandom 😔

[stargazerlilith]

Fic Roundup 2018

Total year-long word count:

52, 589 which is almost 33k less than last year

Word count by fandom:  

FMA: 18,851

BSD: 33,738

Fics completed:  

14

Drabbles:

No Drabbles this year.

Oneshots:

Luckiest Man: BSD, Skk, Sfw/Abo 

Death by Chuuya™: BSD, Skk, Nfsw 

Bound and Gagged:   BSD, Skk, Nfsw

Sexual Healing: BSD, Skk, Nfsw   

Love, Dazai: BSD, Skk, Sfw 

Say It!: BSD, Skk, Nfsw 

His God: BSD, Skk, Nfsw

Daddy: BSD, Hirostu/Reader, Nsfw

This Time: BSD, Skk, Sfw 

Praise by Thy Name: BSD, Hawthorne/Reader, Nsfw 

Run to You: BSD, Skk, Nfsw 

Can’t Have This: BSD, Skk, Sfw

Just Let Me Go: BSD, Skk, Sfw /MCD 

Popcorn Kisses: BSD, SKK, SFW 

Chapter Fics:

None Completed this year

Works-in-progress:

Dancing with the Devil: First Chapter: BSD, Skk, Nsfw

Heathens: Chapter 10 and 11: FMA, RoyEd, NSFW 

Rock The Night: Chapter 1: BSD, Skk, Sfw 

This year I wrote and posted:  

16 New stories 

 2 Chapter updates

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

Less than I had wanted to. But that was due to studying for state exams, my daughter getting sick, and other personal things getting in the way.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

I would never guess that I would write reader inserts and all the smut that I did. The reader inserts were a first for me. I would never have predicted staying in one fandom either minus the chapter updates for WIP. That was a first for me as well.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

To be honest, Luckiest Man is a favorite. It was an indulgence of mine.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I did. I wrote ABO and more kinks. I played with my style a bit.  I wrote my first ever reader inserts and they went better than expected. I learned I am decent at writing those tropes and a bit wordy. Working on that.

Your best story of this year:  

I really don’t know. I don’t have that ‘Ah-Ha!’ moment with any of them. I writing developed more, but I couldn’t tell you which one I think is the best reflection of that. 

Your most popular story of this year:  

My most popular is Luckiest Man.

Story of yours most under-appreciated by the universe, in your opinion:  

Rock the Night is one of them, but I know it is because it is still at its first chapter and nothing really has happened yet.

Can’t Have This is another because it’s just fun and I think we could all use a little more fun.

Most fun story to write:

Daddy and Praise by Thy Name. It was a different style and I had fun writing it.

Story with the single sexiest moment:   

Heathens, Edward has some ‘fun’ with Dazai. 

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

I don’t think I had a moment like that.

Story that shifted your own perceptions of the characters:

I haven’t had that moment yet. It may come this upcoming year.

Hardest story to write:  

Heathens and Devil were really hard to write.

Heathens because I am heading towards the end and I got a bit discouraged with it.

Devil was hard because it was a different pov and very smutty. There are actual parts of smut that were cut out from it.

Biggest disappointment:  

As far as my stories, I thought Run to You would get a little more love than it did.  But otherwise, I am happy with it.

Biggest surprise:

Luckiest Man, I didn’t expect it to have such an impact.

Most unintentionally telling story:   

Run to You and Just Let Me Go: some of my own feelings with grief had seeped into those.

Favorite opening line(s):

The world around him glimmered. Bright neon lights swept across the dark marble floors, shimmering against the darkness in an intricate array of colour. Bodies moved sensually, beckoning each newcomer into their midst with murmurs of seduction. — Dancing with the Devil, Part 1

There was no light, no sound, just deafening silence. Roy glanced around the room trying to figure out how he ended up here. He knew this room, had seen it a dozen times. He never wanted to be in this room. This room was reserved for special treatments. Treatments only Wrath himself with a selected few carried out.  — Heathens, Chapter 11

He waited in the eclipsing darkness. The drums began their opening, the echo of each note ringing into the night. Claps and stomps filled the square in excitement, matching the beat. The feel of the bass filled his bones, the beat coming together in perfect harmony. Nimble notes of the guitar joined the melody as adrenaline coursed through his veins. The chants and cries of the crowd became louder—revving up in excitement...calling for him.  — Rock The Night, Chapter 1

Favorite closing line(s):

He closed his eyes; the sound of the door as it clicked closed piercing through his heart like nails into a coffin. — Heathens, Chapter 10

Laughter mixed with sighs of pleasures filled the room while Dazai showed his mate just how thankful he was. — Luckiest Man

Dazai smirked against his lips and Chuuya felt a shiver run down his spine. He felt sorry for the Boss of the Port Mafia. After all, Oda had always said: “The worst thing for Dazai's enemies was the fact that they were his enemies.” — Run To You

Letting the alcohol take him away, he ignored the warm breath against his ear. He sighed when long slender fingers carded through his hair tenderly. His heart shuttered, feeling Chuuya’s sweet voice caressing his soul and shattering him to a million pieces. — Just Let Me Go

Favorite 5 line(s) from anywhere:

“So, damn beautiful. Just look at you, tenshi. Spread out below me like the an offering for the goddess Amateras. I want to take you apart inch by inch before slowly putting you back together, Ed-ward. Let them see how I wreck you,” Dazai breathed against his ear, letting go of Edward’s {redact}. — Heathens, Chapter 10

Death by Chuuya™, what a way to go. — Death by Chuuya™

He’s not tender about it. He wants you to feel him for days after. Wants you to know that only he can make you feel this way, so full and complete. He wants you fucked out to where you can barely move. — Daddy

“The devil lives in each of us. He whispers his darkest desires and waits for the weakness of man,” Father Hawthorne whispers into your ear, smacking your bottom in quick succession. — Praise by Thy Name

“Awww did hat rack not like the balloons? Were they too big? Ooh... did Chibi get lost under them? Don’t worry I’m sure someone will rescue the chibi mafia boss~~” — Love, Dazai

Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated from anywhere

Chuuya on his throne in Devil.

The opening to Rock the Night.

Chuuya and Dazai at the end of Run to You.

The soft moments of Popcorn Kisses. 

Edward with Dazai and Roy watching in Heathens.

Also, wouldn’t mind any part of Bound and Gagged or Chuuya’s Karaoke of “Can’t have This”, any of the presents Dazai gifts Chuuya in Love, Dazai

Fic-writing goals for next year:

I want to finish my WIPs and become better at editing.

[daughterofsinsloth]

Hi! It's stated in your bio that you analyze fics, so I just want to hear about your fic recs for Soukoku? Preferably fluff, but other genres are also fine since the ship is full of angst and smut lol. Thank you!

 Hello hello anon-chan!! How are you? Mm! It does, thank you very much for asking! Fluffly fluff heh? (my ultra favorite!!!!!!) Okay! Here are some fics! Enjoy ^^

Of sleepless nights and warm embraces by Konoha79 : 

this fic.. aaah this one is a true gem!  just amazing! its about Chuuya working really hard do he can have some free time will his boyfriend Dazai on Christmas Eve. this one has protective!Dazai and cute!Chuuya in.its really well written and the writer made their emotions appear well. another thing that I like is that the writer with only a few sentaces put a nice history behide and you dont need more informations. they write about an episode and thats it, without confussing the reader. the characters are build well and the bit of crack in there is really funny. Dazai is gently, something that we dont see often, and Chuuya is soooooooo cute, that gets your soul full! ITS A MUST READ FIC!

Oops by Witheryvine :

another good fic. in here Dazai and Chuuya are secretly married, but it slips off Dazai, while he trys to play the matchmaker to shin soukoku in front of EVERYONE! Mostly crack in here, but the fluffiness is located at protective!Chuuya Kouyou I can explain dont kill him and at how Dazai treats Chuuya. its short but full at the same time. well writen and the writer made a great job giving us some skk background. also also kunikichuu friendship!!!! THE BEST!

Captured by Witheryvine:

(AU) another short story by the same writer. Photographer!Dazai capturing lawmajor!Chuuya on camera and some good flirting!! well writen, cute and of course sweet.  its … “soft” and calm. love it.

Shared Gravity by writingfromtheshadows  and ZODIACHUUYA:

(AU/multe-chapter) okay  this one anon-chan! they start as academic enemies to enemies friends with benefits to lovers/couple. well writen. they portrait skk’s inner thoughts and fears really weel and realistic. this is like some friend of yours talking about their story and if this is not GREAT i dont know what its gonna be. they take turns with the chapters as Chuuya and Dazai PV, but its in perfect harmony. doesnt have much smut, if not at all. this one is a favorite coz it shows how you fell in love unexpected, hard and uncontrollable. Gin is the “come on you idiots you love its other!” in a cool way. its great that we can see her, coz not many give her spot time. im telling you this fic is GOLD. and leaves you with a healing feeling. complite

the opposite of alone by TheGreatCatsby:

short fic, cute fic. Chuuya can’t sleep, so he decieds to texts Dazai. its really sweet fic. Dazai immediately runs to were Chuuya is and they are all sweet couple but not really. its more about the feelings that are there but they cant get out, yet its all there for people to see.its an amazing fic and the best thing it is that it gives you the feels from the first part! also we are talking for thegreatcatsby, of course its well written, well structured and soooo satisfying. 

This by sodenoshirayuki_23:

okay anon-chan hear me up.this fic here is one of a majestic kind of story. BUT! THE WRITER!!!! has sooooooooooo many good fics that i couldnt choose. her angsty fics are masterpiece one by one. and please, i  beg you go read “heavy”; its angsty you die but you go happy. HIGHLY RECCOMENDED.  this one, tho, is AU and an mpreg (sorry if you are no into it) and its sooooo sweet and fluffy you could die. the children are sskk and spoiler later kyouka . well written.really nice story. fluffy fluff with fluff on top. what more can i say? its just sooo cute. the characters here are really interesting. and the episode is great. MUST!!!

Margin Of Error by izanyas:

its not fluff just to be clear. but its SO HIGHLY RECCOMENDED THAT YOU FLY TO ANOTHER PLANET. its AU,mafiaboss!Dazai anddoctor!Chuuya.After a failed assassination attempt on his person, Dazai finds himself recovering in an unfamiliar place: a hospital where criminals abound, staff and patients alike, and Dazai’s own doctor is a little too attractive. when you finish this, run to the writer’s other fics like Usen Bolt. they are soooooo talented. not so fluff but GREAT nonetheless. ruuuuun! ah! when you see Owe No Debt you will know that you reached the paradice.

This Time by stargazerlilith:

another MUST READ writer. this on this cuteness overload. well writen. another with workaholic!Chuuya and great boyfriend!Dazai. sweet and fluff compinate to an amazing resolt. read read it!. side note:their other stories and awesome! i storngly reccomend “mine”, which is smut with feelings.

Mother by WhisperingWinds99:

here we have skk relationship from the start. the fluff is of course in the relationship, but mostly coz we see the relationship between Kouyou and Chuuya. she is the ‘mother’ in Chuuya’s life more than the ane-san. its fluff coz you she skk get more mature and you see Kouyou growing old with them. well writen, good story. GODESS KOUYOU IS BACK! 

The art of paint by  Konoha79:

this one i promise you that its the most beautiful thing i have ever read. its skk family. canon universe, skk is married, Chuuya finds a child and everyone is oppose, but they keep him. this takes place two years later and shows us an episode of their life as famly. God its beutiful. when i have a bad day i read this. anon.. anon! read this! its really great. well writen, well build, well partial. you have a clean picture of their life and feelings. its sweet, its cute, its fluff and its a must. honestly,in my opinion,this is one of the best skk fluff stories i have read.

Now let me talk a bit about SoukokuParadise:

she is the fluff goddess of the skk fandom. she writes fluff, and a damn good ones. check out her works; they are great, well writen and well build, some character development and a lots of cuteness. i will talk for her favorite “How to Hate Nakahara Chuuya” and hear me up anon when im telling you that its great! its about Dazai taking care of Chuuya after ep. 21. as the writer says, Dazai speaks with actions (she keeps the characters close to the canon and that's really good, makes them more realistic), small words that speak loud of his true feelings. i really like how she  writes Chuuya. he is unconscious but his reactions are being given to us by Dazai. thats really interest and i havent see many writers do that. interest PV. spoiler Chuuya calls Dazai “Osamu” and im dead. also the endingggggg

lastly but not least!

Insomnia_Productions :

yet ! another one writer that I cant decide which one fic is the best. they are all GREAT and you should read them all! like ALL! the ones I LOVE LOVE LOVE are:

 The New Year’s Tradition (AU)

Not Safe For Work

“Ah… I Think We’re In What They Call A Hate/Love Relationship.” (AU)

Disney’s: The (Totally Not Little) Merman (AU)

How To Obtain A Child And Husband Entirely By Accident

  one is greatest than the other. well writen, like watching a movie. you “get into the character” and you are so into it that you cant leave them after the 3rd time you read them. trust me, this are the fics I always go back reading them over and over again and its always amazing. like the first time you read them you will be soooooo satisfied and sooo happy. perfect I tell you.

EXTRA: kiss me on the lips(and show you love me) by photography_tea:

this one is also a favorite of mine. its smut but more than that its making love. it has character development and realization of their feelings. crack and fluff combinate into love that leads to the unlimited epitomy of fluff, the lovemaking. being one with the other. loving and being loved in return. the writer did an amazing job at showing how in their mafia days skk find a small light to keep moving. oblivious!chuuya and hungry!Dazai are often a subject to write but here they are on another scale. their “play” shows more about their weird relationship than they would admit.  its a hell of a great fic! must read!

also! if you would like you can check my fic : Can you sew my suit? by alchemy_omi:

it has fluff in it with a bit of crack and liiiiight angst. also sskk are in it. its about their wedding. Dazai is the best man but he went for his suit the last moment. not being able to find a tailor shop, Akutagawa send him to his good friend Chuuya and the two fell in love. (AU/multe-chapter) 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh

hope that you like my reccomendetions anon-chan and happy reading!! please tell me your opion about them and ask me again if you are happy! I gave you fluffy suggestions but you can ask me for another gender if you want!

have a wonderful day and take care!

bye bye :)

[weakeninghope]

Midnight confessions never healed a soul

Pairing: Aragaki Shinjiro/Sanada Akihiko

Rating: Teen

Summary:  Shinjiro has always been a constant in Akihiko's life and well, he hadn't never really thought about how he felt towards him. Until he did, and he realized that he wanted way more than just to protect Shinji to prove that he wasn't weak.

Notes: Well... I have posted a fic after more than half a year lol. Okay, first I want to say that I haven’t forgotten about your requests and prompts. I’m going to write them all because I’m grateful for all the people that have trusted in my and my poor writing skills. I’m also going to made up for the screw up back then when the skk santa thing happened. I’m tired of running away (I have also had a huge writing block though) but I’m back and Persona 3 had me really hyped and I wrote this as a b-day gift for a friend so... here it is and I hope everyone enjoys it!

AO3 link.

Fic under the cut!

Akihiko had never really thought about love, not when he had vowed to become stronger, someone to rely on, someone able to protect others. He didn’t have the time to think about relationships or to put a label on what he felt for specific people or something of that sorts, typical stuff a typical teenager would think about. He had sometimes wondered if those girls that used to follow him around and invite him to hang out with them were in love with him or were just causing a fuzz that no one really asked for, because it wasn’t as if he had many people in his life to develop feelings for them.

At first there was Miki, and she was brutally killed in front of his very eyes. He wasn’t able to do anything but to stare, stare, stare and regret. He was just a kid, someone useless, powerless, a piece of garbage being held back by people that couldn’t do anything to stop the fire, either. He really loved his sister, and he really, totally hated himself for having lost her in front of his sad, teary grey eyes. It was then than he started thinking that someone as weak as him didn’t deserve love. That his only mission in life was to get stronger. He wouldn’t allow himself to lose someone precious again.

Besides from Miki, there was this guy called Shinjiro Aragaki, another orphan living in the same orphanage as him. Shinji was… strange. He didn’t get along with the other guys, but Akihiko himself didn’t either, so they used to tag along together with Miki. At first, Akihiko didn’t understand much what Shinji was thinking, but he eventually came to, and began liking him. As a friend. He liked how he smiled when he spotted a stray dog near the orphanage, he liked how soft his shaggy hair was under the black beanie that he used to wear, he liked how warm his body was when fell asleep next to him. But he liked him just as he liked Miki.

But after the fire, Miki was gone. And when Akihiko looked straight at Shinjiro’s eyes that day, he swore he would become stronger. He also promised himself that he wouldn’t lose Shinji, that he’d protect him forever.

He didn’t say that last line out loud. There are some things that you must keep to yourself.

Then time went by, and in his teenage years, he realized that he was different, not only because he was a lonely child without his parents to take care of him, but that he had a hidden power inside him that ordinary people couldn’t use.

Did that mean that he wasn’t that weak, after all?

When he learned about Personas, Tartarus, the Dark Hour and joined SEES as well, he hadn’t expected Shinji to follow him. His will to get stronger and protect people important to him (including Shinji; specially Shinji) was something he had decided to carry out by himself, so he didn’t want Shinji to just stick his nose there.

 But that was Shinji; he didn’t listen, he would just hotheatedly act without listening to what others had to say.

 And maybe, maybe, from the depths of his heart, he was the tiniest bit happy to have his best friend with him again. Plus, fighting together. That was a welcomed thrill that he didn't know that existed inside him until that moment. Was he a hypocrite for having thought about that?

 In S.E.E.S, he met yet another person that would earn herself an important spot in Akihiko’s life: Mitsuru Kirijo. The redhead was a pretty girl, and, besides from that, he really was smart, charismatic, someone you could easily fall in love with. However, he didn’t feel the urge to be around her most of the time. He surely wanted to protect her, just as he had wanted to protect Miki or as he wanted to protect Shinji.

 One day after school and a few months after having started high school and joined S.E.E.S, the grey-haired teen realized that his best friend had skipped another class, so he began packing his stuff to go after Shinji. He didn’t have practice that day, and he was pissed, because boxing was one of the few means he had to become stronger and he longed for more training; it never wasn’t enough. Whatever- he was free to go to the rooftop and scold Shinji for being such an irresponsible prick.  

 “Why the hurry, Akihiko? If I remember correctly, you don’t have practice today, do you?” Mitsuru asked, curiously staring at his classmate.

 “Shinji has skipped class again. Honestly, I don’t know what he’s thinking” Akihiko answered, lifting his head to shortly stare at Mitsuru. She really was pretty; no wonder half of the class was after her.

 “Huh, you really like looking after Aragaki, I see” The redhead stated with a small smile. If that smile should have made his heart skip a beat, he didn’t know, but it didn’t.

 “I don’t ‘like’ it. He’s really annoying at times, but I don’t like standing still watching as he tears his future into pieces with his own hands, so I better get going.”

After that, Akihiko grabbed his bag and silently left the room. He missed the way Mitsuru flipped her hair and then aimed a knowing smile to Akihiko’s back.

 While making his way to the rooftop, he shortly wondered if he could fall in love with Mitsuru. She had everything he could ask for, right? And she had also will to fight and protect, so why not?

 But could something as love be… chosen that way?

 If the answer was yes or no, was yet another matter that Akihiko didn’t know, for he was too busy thinking about what to yell at Shinji for behaving in such an immature way.

 But then all his rage disappeared and melted into the clear, September sun that was casting a few sunrays over the Gekkoukan High rooftop. Expecting to see his friend carelessly standing near the rails, he had to deal with his own to surprise when he finally spotted a sleeping Shinji over one of the few benches of the area.

 He looked… strangely fleeting, peaceful. Ethereal, even. His beanie was discarded on the floor, his hair was messy and his face showed a fragile expression. Akihiko wondered if stepping closer to him and kneeling on the ground to get a better look of that was something normal or if it was… creepy.

 …Of course, it was absolutely normal! It's not every day that you get to see your annoying best friend carelessly sleeping on a bench.

 He really wanted to pet his hair; he reminded it being really, really soft. He had memories of that from when he used to pull his hair back at the orphanage. That memory triggered a small laugh from Akihiko, and a small blush. His heart was also doing… some weird stuff, but he thought that could probably be attributed to his lack of training. He still had a long way to go, huh...

 After a few minutes, Akihiko left the rooftop and tried not to think about how disappointed he was for not being together with Shinji, sleeping next to him.

However, having to go after Shinji to make sure that he wasn't doing something shady wasn't the only thing he could do with his best friend. As he had already thought many times before; he didn't have to like to fight together with the S.E.E.S members, because they were fighting against a strange power that was threatening humanity; make a false move and you're dead, but he... he couldn't help it. He had already felt helpless for many, many years; and having to fight to save the world easily overlapped with his major goal: becoming stronger.

On October 4th, though, everything went to waste. Again.

They were after a tough shadow which happened to be outside of Tartarus, and they couldn't allow that. Who knows what could happen if they let that thing wander around the city?  Was their power strong enough to end this for once and for all?

Well, it really was strong. But as Mitsuru and the Chairman had told Akihiko, many, many times; strength wasn't enough if you couldn't muster enough calm to stabilize your Persona. Akihiko wasn't afraid about that, he had proven to perfectly understand how Polydeuces worked, as well as Mitsuru did with Penthesilea and Shinji with...

Oh fuck. Shinji.

Witnessing how Shinji's Persona went completely berserk and took the life of an innocent bystander brought back the terror that the grey-haired teen had felt when Miki's life was cruelly taken away by the fire.

That was it. Another proof that he was still weak, weak, weak. He hadn't even thought about this happening, even though he had been reluctant at first when Shinji told him he'd be joining SEES, too.

For a few minutes he stood still like a statue, unable to move, silently gaping at the pool of blood on the floor, and the dead body of the woman. Then his eyes shifted to find Shinji's horrified expression, and without giving it a second thought, he took a few rushed steps towards his friend. He really wanted to hold him close, to tell him that it wasn't his faul-

“Get the fuck away from me!” Shinji shouted angrily, his voice laced with deep pain, suffering, and guilt. Mostly guilt.

“Shinji-”

“I said go away! Don't come any closer!” The brunet shouted again, bumping Akihiko's shoulder to shove him away.

“Akihiko... we really should head to the dorm right now.” Mitsuru pointed out while trying to grab Akihiko's arm to stop him, even though she failed miserably. How could he stay calm in a situation like that?

 “Are you kidding me? You pretend to leave him alone?” Akihiko countered, his breath agitated, he couldn't believe that that was happening. His eyes had started to feel teary, too. He couldn't accept what was displayed before his eyes. Shinji was hurt, someone innocent was dead, and he... he had failed yet again.

 “It's most likely what Aragaki himself wants. Don't worry, he'll come back.” Akihiko then clenched his fist, clicked his tongue and tried to believe Mitsuru's words.

But Shinji didn't come back to the dorm. Ever. Hell, he even left his fucking belongings there. Instead, he took a nighttime walk that lasted for hours.

The day after, on the rooftop, Akihiko met Shinji when he told him that he'd be deserting SEES. At least he had the guts to say goodbye.

“Shinji... I don't think this is right.” Akihiko mumbled. He had Shinji right in front of him, but he felt that they weren't close at all. He felt like he was helplessly chasing Shinji's back, as if his friend had really started to take care of himself because Akihiko wasn't strong enough to protect anyone like it had happened with Miki back the-

“But I do. And you don't control my life choices.” Shinji deadpanned, his eyes cold, his voice firm. He was determined to end this.

“I want the best for you! And this is clearly not it!” Akihiko shouted, his self-control slowly falling apart. He was cool and composed, but not when it came to Shinji. When the grey-haired was around him, it was as if he were a completely different person.

“This is the best for me!” Shinji countered, raising his voice as well.

“No it's not, Shinji, it's not mother-fucking not!” Akihiko shouted, blindly approaching his friend and forcefully grabbing his arm.

“Shut up, Aki. I don't need you to protect me. I can handle this myself.” At that, Shinji violently took Akihiko's hand away from his arm and distanced himself from him. Since he had turned his back at the other teen, Akihiko missed the way Shinji's fists clenched in pain.

“You know that your past isn't you, right? That you're worth it more than your mistakes?” Akihiko whispered. He knew Shinji. He knew that Shinji could be a bastard most of the times, he was a bastard most of the time, but he... he wasn't a bad person. And he wanted to stay by his side. It didn't matter if he had to tell this to Shinji every day, like a prayer, it didn't matter if he had to text him every day with sappy positive messages, he would do anything to make Shinji feel better, because he cared for Shinji. Because he lo-

“You should tell this to yourself. You can't judge me if you're no different than me. Well, you kinda are, you didn't kill Miki with your own hands.”

That hurt. Like when a bunch of shadows trap you in an ambush. Like when you feel you're going to end up unconscious in the middle of Tartarus. Like when you realize that you can't even stop your best friend from destroying himself for an accident he really wasn't responsible of.

“But Shin-”

“No buts, Aki. This is pissing me off, I need to go.” After stating that, Shinji didn't talk anymore, nor did he touch Akihiko anymore. He didn't even look at him. The firm footsteps of his friend were the only sound that Akihiko heard because he realized he was alone. Again.

“But where are you going to live? What are you going to do from now on? Are you really going to be okay?” Akihiko turned around and screamed at the rooftop door, his voice echoing through that empty space. Dammit.

“I... dammit Shinji... I guess I've always been an idiot, huh?” And then he was crying again. He knew that time was gonna go by and that Shinji wouldn't return.

And hell if he was right at assuming that. However, he did see Shinji even though he wasn't living in the dorm.

After countless nights of being unable to sleep and visiting Shinji's room, Akihiko decided that rummaging through the box of Shinji's belongings wasn't exactly what someone would identify as “moving on”. If Shinji were there, he would laugh at his very face about being a crybaby for burying his face in Shinji's blankets, comforting himself by breathing his scent.

Akihiko had always been described as someone horribly stubborn (well, Shinji described him like that)

And, much to Akihiko's dismay, Shinji knew him as nobody did.

He would like to say the same about him knowing Shinji as nobody did, but it looked like he was wrong. He knew how Shinji tried to act rude and tough and cold, he knew how Shinji liked dogs and smiled the most warm and affectionate smile that he had ever seen (it made his heart pound and his cheeks grow hot)

and he knew that he liked every bit of it. He liked every bit of Shinji. No- he... he loved every bit of Shinji. He couldn't exactly pinpoint when did he start feeling that way towards the brunet, it was something that... kinda went with the flow? He felt at ease with Shinji at first, but then he started feeling kinda bubbly and weird around him, and incredibly sad when things seemed to be wrong between them.

So that was exactly why Akihiko Sanada decided that he needed to become stronger. He would find Shinji and protect him, he would teach that asshole that he wasn't a bad person.

Deep inside, Akihiko knew that he was acting kinda selfish, he knew that loosing Shinji was something extremely terrifying.

And then his midnight training journeys started. After the dark hour ended, he trained outside, until he found Shinji in a creepy, dark alleyway behind the Port Island Station. He didn’t really expect finding his best friend in a place that was rumored of being constantly frequented by punks and… dangerous people. But he did, and Shinji was right there. Did he have a chance of getting him back after all?

“What are you doing here?” Akihiko asked, trying to hide the deep concern towards his best friend. However, Akihiko was too direct and transparent, and… well, it was Shinji, so he couldn’t feign anything in front of him.

“And hello to you too, Aki” Shinji replied, nonchalantly. He didn’t approach Akihiko, nor did he even wave his hand. Hell, he was staring at the fucking floor.

“I'm trying to be serious, Shinji. What are you doing here?” Akihiko asked again, taking a few steps towards Shinji this time.

“This is what I deserve.” Shinji said, vaguely gesturing towards his surroundings. Akihiko’s throat went dry. This couldn’t be happening. “This is where I belong”

“No. You don't belong here. You belong...” with me. You belong with me. Those words were left unspoken, but Akihiko had always thought that actions speak louder than words, so he rushed his way towards the brunet and grabbed him by the lapels of his coat, effectively bringing his friend down to his eye-level. Hell, fuck Shinji and his damn height. “You belong to the dorm with the people who care about you” The grey-haired teen let go. He didn’t pay attention to the closeness between Shinji and him. It just wasn’t the time.

“You think Kirijo cares about me?”

“I'm sure she does. I can't picture Mitsuru being that could about people to just use them as tools, she's not that selfish.”

“Whatever, Aki. I don't belong with a group of people who technically try to save people because I fucking murdered an innocent person” Shinji snapped, pushing Aki away. This wasn’t going as planned.

“That wasn't you, Shinji! That wasn't you! And what about me, anyway? Y0u know I... I care about you too, right?” The grey-eyed  teen ask. His eyes were burning, his tears were screaming to come out from the back of his eyes and his hands were hurting, he had been clenching his fists for a while. Everything was useless though, Shinji was still reluctant as hell to come back.

“What about you? What about fucking me! Would you stop thinking about anyone but yourself? You think that pressuring me into going back into a place in which I don't want to be is thinking about me, Aki?” Shinji’s words hurt. Fuck if they did. His desperate screams, the pain in his voice. If only he could just hug Shinji and apologize to him for pressuring way too much.

Wait. Pressure? No way! Akihiko was just trying to save his friend, there was nothing wrong with that, right?

“I... I don't want to risk losing you. And I just can't leave you here knowing you could be safe with me!” Oh shit. That just slipped.

“Get the fuck out of here, Aki. I'm not telling you this again. And don't even think about coming back. You don't belong here.”

The neither do you is left unspoken between them as Akihiko turns his back and leaves, his leather gloved hands wiping a few tears away. Fuck, he's screwed up again, hasn't he? Hell, he's just had Shinji before his eyes and he... he could have told a million things to him. I miss you. Fighting isn't the same if it isn't alongside you. Winning doesn't feel that fulfilling anymore if I can't share that feeling with you. Going to school isn't that motivating as it was when I could go to the rooftop to wake your sleeping ass up after ending my club activities. Please come back. I love you, I've always had, and I'm sure I always will.

Please, don't die. Don't die, Shinji.

A few months passed after that, and while Akihiko knew that Shinji would get angry at him if he decided to show up at that place, he still did. He sometimes left the dorm without no explanation, headed to that alley and managed to convince Shinjiro to take a meal with him at Paulownia Mall. Their conversations weren’t happy, weren’t long, and most of the time there wasn’t even a conversation going on between them. But Akihiko was happy just by having Shinji by his side. Shinji eating with him meant that he hadn’t been entirely rejected, that he still allowed him in his life. And Akihiko truly wanted Shinji to be in his life again, he craved for Shinji to forgive himself already and accept that he was worth it more than his past.

But who was him to reproach bullshit to Shinji if he was doing the same?

Whatever. The grey-haired suddenly stopped thinking about that when he focused on Shinji himself. On the way his throat bobbed when he was drinking, on how low and welcoming his voice sounded whenever he said something.

On how thin he looked. On how his eyes were becoming duller and duller. On how disheveled his hair was. Overall, on how truly miserable he looked.

Ever since that day, they continued to meet like that. Occasionally, if he was in the right mood, Akihiko tried to convince Shinji of returning to the dorm. The latter’s response was negative, of course. But he was a stubborn idiot and he wasn’t going to stop any time soon.

As time continued to go by, S.E.E.S recruited more members, including someone called Minato Arisato that apparently had a huge potential that even allowed him to switch personas in the middle of battle.

So two years had passed since Shinji’s departure, and Akihiko had way too much time to realize that he missed Shinji as fuck, that his life wasn’t the same without him by his side. Well, Shinji was alive, and as long as he was alive, he had the chance to protect him. To hold him.

After more time passed, a child named Ken Amada joined the team and that was when Akihiko knew that Shinji was coming back. The kid was the mother that die- that Shinji killed’s son on October 4th two years prior. Knowing that Shinji would definitely return if he knew that, he dragged Arisato to where Shinji and Akihiko himself used to take a meal together and convinced the brunet to go back home.

Akhiko deduced by Shinji’s disgusted expression that he was 100% against going back to the dorm, but the brunet had his strong principles and he wasn’t going to refuse. In the end they weren’t that different. Shinji cared about people as much as Akihiko did.

No, Shinji cared even more. Shinji wasn’t one to blindly search for power, but he made sure that everyone was alright by small actions.

When they were still two lost kids in the orphanage, Akihiko remembers waking up with Shinji’s coat acting as a blanket, only to find his friend shivering by the cold next to him. The orphanage didn’t have much money so having a decent heating system was definitely out of the picture, and Akihiko was too cold-blooded to function. Thus, when Akihiko fell asleep in the orphanage’s grounds, he always found a coat-less Shinji next to him. Whenever that happened, the grey-haired teen always told Shinji to go under the coat with him, the two of them snuggling together under Shinji’s coat.

Hell, he really missed his warmth. He really missed having Shinji that near.

Now he had him by his side again, but who knows if Shinji didn’t hold resentment against Akihiko for having dragged him there after all. The first night that Shinji was back in the dorm, Akihiko swiftly knocked his door, feeling nervous and giddy and anticipation was boiling inside of him and-

He knocked again, again and again, but a response never came. After 10 minutes, Akihiko decided that he wasn’t one who would happily stand out there and wait, so he just decided to open the door and deal with Shinji’s shit as he used to do. They were best friends, it’s not as if he wasn’t used to that.

What he didn’t expect was to find a completely empty room and to suddenly start panicking and oh my god did he seriously leave again this can’t be happening. He left the room immediately and hastily made his way towards the lounge.

“Where’s Shinji?” He asked through pants and faltering breath.

“Oh, Aragaki-senpai? He went to walk Koro-chan for a while, he has just left, though.” Yukari answered as he curiously eyed Akihiko’s expression, noticing the concern in his upper-classman.

“Thanks, Takeba. Do you know where did he go to walk the dog?” He asked Yukari again, trying to calm himself. Because Shinji was okay, Shinji was still there.

“Hmmmm” Yukari hummed “He hasn’t said anything about that, hasn’t he, Fuuka?”

“He didn’t, but I think he’s not that far from the dorm” Fuuka said stopping his frantic typing for a second.

And when Akihiko was about to lose his cool and run across all the damn places that could cross his mind, Minato said that he was in the Naganaki Shrine, only to continue listening to his music shortly after.

As expected of the leader, huh?

Deciding to trust Minato’s words (well, word, their leader wasn’t a loud speaker, but when he said something he was usually right) Akihiko headed towards the shrine and just as the dark-head had said, Shinji was right there with Koromaru. Before entering Shinji’s field of vision, Akihiko just stayed there, at a moderate distance; that allowed him to observe what was going on for a while without being noticed. His best friend was playing with the excited dog, throwing a stick to the air waiting for Koromaru to grab it and bring it back to him.

The genuine smile on Shinji’s face made Akihiko’s heart skip a beat. The way Shinji crouched down and gently pat Koromaru’s head while encouraging him made Akihiko’s features soften. Before he had the chance to think about it twice, Akihiko’s feet were moving on their own until he was right at Shinji’s side.

“So you still have that soft spot for dogs, huh? You haven’t changed a bit, Shinji”

“And you’re still the same busybody as always, Aki. Not only you have finally managed me to return to the dorm but also you’re already minding my business on my first night here.”

“Wow, so you’re in the mood for talking today? You haven’t been that talkative in a while, you know.”

“Shut it, Aki.”

“I’m not the one who started it.”

“You are the one who started it by coming here without-“ Shinji’s words died at his throat due to Koromaru happily running where to Akihiko was and tackling the latter to the ground. He really seemed to like him, Koromaru was a really joyful dog.

“Koromaru agrees with me being here. Your point is invalid, you lose.” Akihiko chuckled while Koromaru gave a playful lick to his cheek. After that, Shinji pulled him away and observed his best friend with a small smile, one of those that you could easily miss. But Akihiko didn’t. He would never miss Shinji smiling.

“Well, are you going to stand up or do you need help? Want my hand for leverage or what?” Shinji playfully asked. If he only knew that Akihiko was really pondering if he should accept the offer or not.

“Nah” he said instead as he quickly pulled himself together “As you can see, I’m fine by myself”

“Glad you are, Aki” Shinji sighed, something akin to… nostalgia? in his voice. “glad you are.”

Instead of overthinking the meaning of those words, Akihiko decided that it was late out there and that they needed to rest because, well, they were heading to Tartarus the next day.

That night, Akihiko dreamed of an evening walk with Shinji. They were walking Koromaru, and the distance between them was nearly non-existent. When they got to the shrine and Koromaru was happily playing there, they were sitting on a bench, Akihiko’s head resting in Shinji’s shoulders before the latter cupped Akihiko’s chin and lifted his head up and placed his lips on h-

And that’s when the dream ended. Maybe he should stop running away from his feelings for real, right? So yeah, he was in love with Shinji, but it wasn’t a big deal.

Okay, maybe it was a big deal when the thrill of fighting alongside him again became a new state of happiness that he didn’t know that he could reach.  Damn, that night he fought as he had never fought before, and only because Shinji’s encouragement and Shinji’s “finish that thing off, Aki!” fueled him way more than protein powder.

Fuck. He definitely had to talk to Shinji about his feelings as soon as possible.

Or so he would have liked, but the next few days were kind of hectic: between Tartarus excursions and a full moon and that girl Chidori from Strega, he hadn’t really had the time. Until September 10th came, and after visiting Chidori in the hospital, he discovered that Shinji had been taking suppressants in order to “control” his persona. When that happened, he told the other team members to go to the dorm. He had really serious business to talk with Shinji, hence he dragged him to the shrine.

Once they got there (their entire walk there in thick, never-ending silence, the space between them gradually increasing) Akihiko couldn’t help it anymore and violently shoved Shinji against the jungle gym in the shrine park.

“What were you goddam thinking, Shinji? Why drugs?” He bitterly asked while smashing his hand against the jungle gym bars.

“I told you. I’m handling this myself” Shinjiro countered, avoiding Akihiko’s hurt gaze.

“By fucking destroying yourself with drugs?”

“What did you want me to do, then?”

“You could have talked to me!”

“Do you think that talking to you would have changed a thing, Aki? Do you really think so?”

“I don’t know, Shinji! I don’t fucking know! But I’m your friend and you’re supposed to trust me… as much as I trust you” Akihiko whispered, unable to hold his tears back anymore. There was no point in pretending to be strong now.

“I never told you to trust me”

“Stop trying to act tough, Shinjiro. I’ve known you for fucking forever and I trust you. And I’m not going to leave you. Not knowing that you’re fucking wrecking yourself even more by relying on drugs”

“Tsk. Just do what you think that is the right thing.”

“And what if ‘the right thing’ is trying to save you because I love you, you bastard?” Akihiko shouted, his cheeks growing hot despite his anger. There it was, there it was.

“What… did you just say?” Shinjiro asked, surprisingly.

“I… fuck. I love you, Shinji. I’ve been in love with you ever since we were kids. Since the orphanage. And I know that I’ve been selfish but I swear that I don’t want to protect you just to feel satisfied or due to some ridiculous hero complex. I can’t afford to lose you. I won’t lose you. You’re back again and that’s all I ever wanted-”

“Aki”

“because you don’t fucking know how goddam hard those two years without you have been. You don’t know how many times I’ve entered your room to made up my mind because it was really hard to believe that you weren’t there anymore-“

“Aki”

“and I know that I’m blabbering like an idiot but you better thank me because it’s taking me a lot of self-control to not punch your stupidly handsome face” or to kiss it, his thoughts whispered

“Aki. Shut up. There are two things that I need to teach you.”

Akihiko nodded.

“First one. Don’t enter my room without permission again or you’ll be in trouble.”

Akihiko nodded again.

“Second one” Shinji came closer, then cupped Akihiko’s face with both of his hands and silently asked Akihiko if he was okay with what was going to happen.

Akihiko had never nodded faster in his life.

And then they were kissing. At first their lips only touched hesitantly while Shinji’s rough hands wiped Akihiko’s tears away from his face, but a few seconds after that, Akihiko cupped Shinji’s face too and took a few steps backwards because he didn’t really need to trap Shinji against the jungle gym any longer. After that, Shinji completely pressed himself against Akihiko and dropped his hands to his waist, still softly moving his lips against the grey-haired teen’s only to deliver a delicate lick to the seam of Akihiko’s lips, asking for permission. When Akihiko opened his mouth and Shinji’s tongue met him, a soft gasp was swallowed by Shinji’s mouth. None of the many, many dreams he had had about kissing Shinji could be compared to what was really happening. The kiss was overly clumsy and sloppy and messy because what the fuck they had just been arguing and they had spent two years practically acting just as casual acquaintances and not the long-time best friends secretly in love with each other that they were. Akihiko couldn’t help the smile that escaped his lips at the remote thought of Shinji being in love with him, too.

He needed more. The press of his bodies wasn’t enough. His hands in Shinji’s face were really begging to touch his hair. It was when he lifted them up to try to shove them underneath his hat that he realized that they were shaking.

“Your hands are shaking.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Make me.”

Akihiko kissed Shinji after that, a soft, chaste kiss, impatient but effective.

“Missed you.”

“Says the one that can take care of himself.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

And then they were kissing again until they had to stop because the dark hour was about to start and they didn’t really need a shadow lurking around to see them making out.

Talk about a romantic first kiss.

From that day onward, they began walking Koromaru together, talking and baring themselves to the other and okay, maybe some days they ended up making out against the jungle gym and they lost Koromaru and had to beg Fuuka to locate him by using Lucia’s ability.

They blame Fuuka for the whole dorm knowing that they are in a kind of romantic relationship.

Fuuka becomes flustered.

Yukari says that they had always known, even before Akihiko and Shinji themselves.

Mitsuru chuckles.

Minato just listens to his music.

Junpei asks Yukari how did she know because wow Yuka-tan that’s sharp.

Ken just watches the TV.

Koromaru barks.

Aigis says “the first day Shinjiro-san walked me, Akihiko-san got there and had a small talk with Shinjiro-san and they looked happy to spend some time together”.

Akihiko and Shinjiro just smiled because in the end… they have each other, no matter how broken they are, no matter how midnight conversations it takes for them to fully understand the other. As long as they remain together, everything is going to be alright.