#soft atheist who definitely believes in ghosts and curses and shit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

canary-prince · 9 months ago

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If you catch me posting Bible memes I'm not turning into a Christian or whatever the fuck I was before my intense spiritual crisis 2 years ago (or was it three)? I went to school for academic theological studies (analysis of religion from an exterior view point) and recent books have me nostalgic and hyperfixating.

#if anything grief turned me back into atheist #ive been a few things #my dad was raised catholic but is a staunch atheist #and mom was sort of Pentecostal and sort of methodist and is a like #soft atheist who definitely believes in ghosts and curses and shit #and i was an atheist for a long time but i felt drawn to Catholicism #it felt like a culture idk #and then it got more and more comforting to non commitally hover at its edges through witchcraft and loose modern spiritual stuff #and perform mental gymnastics about it and mostly believe large swaths of its mythology without thinking about the moral and human side and #also not converting because i couldn’t face my parents if i did and i also was already aware that i couldn’t #but i kept convincing myself that The Church as an institution could somehow be good despite how evil everyone running it is #and then my education finally got the upper hand over my weird desperate longing to fully believe in something beautiful and nearly ancient #and also my father had repeated lies he didn’t know enough to spot #my education finally made me understand that The Church was only >1000 years old #that the gnostics (originally a jewish tradition according to bart d erhman and he referenced this as being commonly accepted)#were the group which the supposed messiah belonged to and the patristic church (catholic church 1.0) had them all killed #unarmed ascetics starving in the desert the people who wrote the earliest gospels and the church killed them all #there is no textual basis for the authority of the pope #the devil was a comprise #the saints were a marketing tactic #correction: the church is sort over a thousand years old but it went through so many iterations and eras before we got here #to be exact #the church FATHERS aka the church that will become the patristic church in the wake of these dudes #and im fuzzy on if the orthodox church is a fully separate iteration or if it and the patristic are used interchangeably #Catholicism as like a term comes out of the scism with Protestantism i think

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