#soft FBI art nerd husband

[fan-of-encouragement]

Honey I'm Still Free

This is a commissioned fic that @danniburgh wrote for me, and I'm absolutely In Love. Her commissions are open as of posting this, and she's amazing.

Marcus Pike × F!reader

No warnings, just fluff and mention of Marcus's past bad relationships.

He was new.

A new face to know.

And he was cheerful; almost too cheerful.

He was happy; you met him as a happy man, self realized, self assured, self-centered but not egotistical; he was kind, and he was good. And he was happy.

Marcus Pike arrived at the D.C. FBI office and you were the one that gave him the welcome tour; in between directions and pointings at where which room was located and who worked where, he told you almost everything about himself and that kicked off an unexpected friendship. One that began inside the four walls of his office and the four walls of yours, and the glass walls of the shared conference room that separated them and that most often than not, was used as a lunch room.

When you met Marcus, he was a once divorced, newly engaged man that was waiting patiently for his bride to arrive and live with him what he described as a life he wanted; he told you everything he had to tell about his girlfriend and how he felt, deep inside of him, that she was the one.

Until she broke up with him.

Then, as if by magic, or as if someone had flicked a switch, Marcus changed.

You didn’t understand, whenever you analyzed it, why a woman would leave a man like him; whenever you put a little bit of thought on the matter you came to the same conclusion: there was no good reason. The truth of the matter was, even having met Marcus for no more than a month when that went down, that he was a good man. And everyone that walked around him or worked with him or even talked to him knew it.

Marcus Pike was a good man with a good, kind, warm soul that radiated nothing but care and love for others; he was stern and he was good at his job; he managed a team like no other agent you saw before but, at the end of the workday; when all the reports had been signed, when all the field agents had called in and Marcus lit his desk lamp to finish the last of the paperwork of the day, when the floor was quiet enough to hear the cars drive sporadically on the highway next to the building, he was craving for something more. Something he didn’t have and he was desperate for. Love.

Six months into you knowing Marcus, as he laughed at a bad joke you told him, with his head thrown back and his lids closed and the wrinkles on the sides of his eyes showing at full contrast, you realized you had fallen in love with him.

But you didn’t fight it; it felt right. You knew he was still struggling with the fact that two serious relationships in his life had failed in what he described as a miserable, sad, incredibly stupid manner. 

The remnants of that pain were still noticeable; when he looked outside the window for more time that he wanted to admit, whenever he heard a certain song on the radio, whenever someone mentioned any lines from Casablanca, the glowing ashes of the hot, scorching pain he had yet to get rid of and extinguish could be seen from his eyes.

You knew and you understood him; he needed time; he needed support to get out of the house in flames he was inside of because of people that didn’t know what they wanted. And you, as he hugged you goodbye, resolved you were gonna be there for him.

As you drove home, you realized there was some selfishness behind your resolution; but you figured out as much. You were in love with him, and besides trying to help him be himself; as you had met him or better, you hoped, just further back in your mind and your heart, he would notice you were there. Waiting for him to be the man he wanted to be.

When you opened your front door and you slipped out of your shoes, you thought of how would he react if you told him you were falling in love with him; you knew he wouldn’t let you wait for him like a damsel expecting a brave prince or a knight in shiny armor galloping to you on a mighty stallion. But you weren’t dropping everything until he decided he was better… You were just hoping he would notice you were there. And that was rightfully enough reason for you to do it. 

And you were his friend.

The next morning you texted him before going out to work if he was in the mood for some pancakes; immediately getting a big YES in all caps as a response. You drove to your favorite diner; which had quickly become his too. And walked out of there with two white plastic bags filled with pancakes for him and waffles for you.

“Oh my god, bless you!” Marcus let out as you walked into his office with the two big bags. You gave him a smile as he moved his stuff to the side so you could put the bags down.

“Since when are you devoted, Mr. Pike?” you teased, when you put the bags on the desk and pushed his towards the other side, towards him.

“Since my best friend brings me breakfast,” he raised his eyebrows and pulled out the styrofoam packet from the bag and a plastic fork “how much do I owe you?” Marcus asked as he opened the plate and bit his lower lip when the chocolate chip and strawberry pancakes saluted him from the dish.

“Nothing?” you replied, doing the same with your honey caramel waffles, Marcus rolled his eyes.

“Then lunch is on me.” he shrugged, lifting his tie and loosening it a bit from around his neck, throwing it on his shoulder, you scoffed and saw him dig into the pancakes with a small smile adorning your features.

“The least you could do, baby.” you teased, making him smile through his pancake bite.

When lunch hour arrived that same day; he knocked on your door and opened it before you could say come in. He stuck his head inside your office and smiled at you.

“Lunch?” he asked with his eyebrows raised and his small smirk on his face, you reciprocated his smile and nodded, standing up from your chair and closing your computer.

“What are we ordering?” you asked as you walked around your desk and he opened the door wide.

“No, we’re going out.” he let out lowly. You narrowed your eyes as you crossed the threshold and he started walking towards the elevators.

“To what do I owe this honor?” you asked, following him, Marcus chuckled.

“What do you mean?” he said as he clicked the elevator button to call it.

“You’ve never taken me out to lunch, Marcus.” you remarked, the elevator doors opened and he frowned.

“Really?” he questioned, you nodded and hummed in affirmation as the both of you walked into the metal box. “why?” he chuckled.

“What do you mean why?” you laughed at his reaction.

“I mean…” he started, crossing his arms on his chest “we’ve been close almost since I arrived, don’t we?” you nodded with a small smile on your face, Marcus blinked a few times “I feel like we would've gone out together, at least once…” he said with a shrug.

“No, not once.” you remarked again as the elevator door opened on the basement parking lot and you walked out.

“Well, that’s on me, then, I’m the asshole friend.” he let out as he nodded his chin in direction to his car, you chuckled.

“Not an asshole, a busy friend.” you tried to reassure him as he remotely unlocked the car and the both of you hopped inside at the same time. 

“I shouldn’t be busy for you, anyway,” he muttered, pushing the ignition button to turn on the engine. “I mean, you’re the one that helps me the most around here, I should be more grateful.”

“Nah,” you whispered as you buckled your seatbelt “I’m just the coworker that doesn’t like to see others struggling.” you teased with a smile as he backed up the car, he looked at you for a split second and sighed, calling your name.

“You know you’re not just my coworker.” he muttered, getting out of the parking lot and incorporating into the traffic. Your smile grew.

“No?” you turned to see him, knowing exactly what he was going to say if you dropped the question that was dangling on your lips, he shook his head. “then what am I?” you asked with a low voice that you hadn’t use in a long time because you didn’t find the time or the place to use it. But, as you were sitting inside the car of the man you were growing deep feelings for, with the tiniest opening to his heart and his mind, you decided to bring it out again.

Marcus almost slammed the brakes of the car. He felt his breath hitch in his throat and as he stopped the car on a red light; he turned to you.

“What?” he whispered. You raised an eyebrow and shrugged slightly.

“What am I?” you repeated the question. Marcus knew the look you were giving him; god he was sure he wouldn’t get that look from anyone anymore, and he had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t look for that look in any woman he met. But there it was; your gaze was deep on him, your lips were loose and open just slightly towards him, your eyes were steady on his and he felt the despicable, gut wrenching feeling of the most deep, disgusting, ingrained insecurity inside his mind and inside his chest that made him think of nothing but his trained instinct of fight or fly.

“My friend.” he whispered out just as the light changed to green. You smiled to yourself and looked out through the window, letting out a sigh.

“Good,” you let out, “besties.” you teased. Marcus let out a nervous chuckle and nodded. He didn’t say another word until he stirred the car to the restaurant’s parking lot.

__

Marcus heard two consecutive knocks on his door and lifted his head from the massive email he was reading.

“Come in.” he let out on a sigh as he stretched on his chair, and rubbed his eyes; the light of the computer wasn’t helping his sight.

“Brought you coffee.” he heard you, he opened his eyes and saw you closing the door behind you with your hip and two carton cups that were steaming.

“My lifesaver.” he smiled at you and shifted on the chair, you sat in front of him and handed him his cup.

“Cream and no sugar,” you let out “so you don’t get sleepy.” he smiled.

“What’s the occasion?” he asked, you rolled your eyes.

“The occasion is ten thirty at night and you’re still here.” you said, Marcus sipped his coffee and raised his eyebrows.

“You’re here as well.” he shrugged.

“I just finished,” you let out “kinda was waiting for you.” Marcus frowned, you leaned down and rested your back on the chair.

“Why?” he let out, tensing his shoulders.

“Wanted to talk to you.” you muttered, gazing at him. Marcus wanted to shrink on the chair and flee from the room, but he didn’t, he stayed at his full height of 5’11” and tried to hold your gaze.

“Okay? something happened?” he asked with a low voice, you shook your head twice and saw him partially relax.

“Marcus, how long have we known each other?” you asked him, he frowned a bit but looked at the surface of his desk.

“Almost a year, why?” he replied and you hummed in appreciation at it.

“You know why, don’t you?” you said, biting your lip and smiling at him.

“I have a suspicion.” he muttered.

“Good, so should I just say it?” you asked, Marcus shook his head immediately.

“Please, don’t,” he whispered, you were expecting his reaction so you just nodded “I’m so sorry.”

“I understand,” you smiled again at him and Marcus felt his chest contract inside his torso “I was just… making sure.”

“Honey…” he let out, you shook your head.

“Really, I get it.” you winked at him, taking your coffee and standing up.

“Wait,” he stood up as well, “am I gonna lose you?” he asked, trying to reach to you, you raised your hand and he took it.

“Of course not, silly,” you gripped his hand “I’m gonna be around, just let me know if you need me.” you said, Marcus nodded and you slipped your hand off his.

Marcus saw you leave his office and let out a deep sigh once you had closed the door. He threw himself on his chair and dropped his head back to look at the ceiling. God, what was wrong with him?

He tried to reason with himself as he started to breathe normally; you were amazing. He was sure of it because he saw you almost every day. You were beautiful and attractive and funny. You were smart and so damn capable it made him feel beneath you even when you were at the same rank; you meant a lot to him and you, for some reason that didn’t fit inside his head, never hesitated to tell him how much he meant to you, too.

And it was so damn obvious how you felt about him because you didn’t even bother to hide it; he admired the way you just showed it without advertising it and how you just didn’t let it affect your job or your life.

Jesus Christ, you were in love with him and he was there, sitting in his office after you just told him you understood him; you’d stayed close to him despite him being trapped in his own insecurities, despite the barrier he had put between you and him, despite looking at him clutching at the past and wrapping himself around his tragedies like an orphan child would do to a warm blanket.

You were there for him, loving him and caring for him as best as you could, even when you knew he was processing and working to be out in the open again; even when you knew it took him time to comprehend that he shouldn’t feel embarrassed or sad anymore.

Holy shit; you were there all that time and he was just choosing to be blind to what you were doing; even choosing to shove away all the deep, warm, involving love he felt for you.

Marcus stood up from his chair once again and he rushed to walk around his desk and out of the office, walking the few feet there was between his office and yours, he knocked a few times and opened the door; about to burst out his words, then he noticed the office was empty. He checked his watch. It was ten minutes past eleven and he cursed himself for thinking you meant you were going to be around literally.

He rushed again to his office for his things and his car key, desperately trying to order words inside his brain as he all but banged his foot on the elevator floor and trying at the same time to calm the fuck down as he walked to his car.

Marcus was sure it was a good idea with poor execution; he was a romantic at heart he should go pick up something that would tell you he just took his head out of his own ass and realized he was also in love with you; but the feeling of just tell you everything was stronger and was driving him crazy. He was driving like a madman through the highway that led to your apartment, and when he pulled over and looked at the building, he nodded to himself.

“Just say it, Marcus.” he muttered to himself, opening the car door and walking out.

The easiest part was to walk to the front door, buzz himself in and walk up the stairs to the fourth floor; the easiest part was stepping through the hall and towards your door and knocking on it three times.

You opened the door and the easiest part was over; you were in your pajamas; a silk, shimmering top and shorts too short for Marcus’s own good.

“Marcus, what’s going on?” you asked. He cursed himself inside his head. He had forgotten each and every word of the three point argument he had built inside his head on the way to your home; he saw his thoughts pour over his head and melt at your feet and he did nothing else but stand there, in your threshold; with his mouth dry and his eyes on your body. “Marcus?”

You frowned and stepped to the side, grabbing his forearm to pull him inside. Marcus had been in your apartment before, but he knew then it was different.

“You okay? I’m getting worried” you muttered. Closing the door, Marcus shook his head and tried to steady his heartbeat, failing.

“You told me to let you know if I needed you, right?” he asked, barely audibly. You nodded. Marcus licked his lower lip and sighed, “I kinda need you now.”

“Yeah, absolutely, what happened?” you told him, stepping closer to him, raising your hand to his arm.

Marcus felt a bolt of confidence because of your touch. He breathed in deeply and smiled at you, making you frown again.

He put his hand hesitantly on your waist and he felt you stiffen. His eyes traveled from your eyes to your lips and back, and he stepped even closer to you with a smile on his face.

“You’re here.” he whispered, leaning towards you to grab your lips in his with a kiss you didn’t expect, but didn’t dare to deny.

[drchristineputnam]

M/M romance recs

Here’s a list of my favourites! Organised by genre, with very broad summaries. All of them have HEA, all the m/m romances are the central ones. 

Names in bold have POC protagonists, names in cursive have disabled protagonists (be it physical disability, mental illness or chronic illness). In series with multiple couples, it’s usually one or more.

Feel free to ask me about triggers for any of them!

Historical:

Soldier’s Scoundrel by Cat Sebastian

Disabled regency war vet aristocrat decides to hang around a self-proclaimed ex-criminal helping those who need help. Said ex-criminal tries not to be charmed, ends up catching feelings instead

The Lawrence Browne Affair by Cat Sebastian

Confidence artist grows a conscience and angers dangerous people, so he needs to pose as a secretary to a scientifically minded, but eccentric Lord. Really beautiful portrayal of people on autistic spectrum and anxiety.

The Ruin of a Rake by Cat Sebastian

Posh and straight-laced gentleman has to help a famous scoundrel aristocrat to restore his image after a raunchy novel supposedly based on his exploits gets published. Contains ridiculous amounts of adorable kittens, tasty pastries and also wonderful portrayal of chronic illnesses

Sins of the Cities by KJ Charles

Trilogy set in victorian London, during the horrible London Fog of 1873. Three wonderful and diverse couples (one is half-indian with dyspraxia, one is non-binary, one was born with partial arm, one is near-sighted), murder mystery, fake mediums, lost earls, intrigue! It’s so good 

Wanted, a Gentleman by KJ Charles

A delightful and frankly hilarious regency romp through British countryside. An unlikely couple of men need to travel to Gretna Green to save a young girl from potentially dangerous marriage. One of the protagonists is a black ex-slave merchant and the book touches upon his experiences (very respectfully!)

Society of Gentlemen by KJ Charles

A Society of gentlemen who like other gentlemen, centered around Lord Richard Vane and his friends and acquitances. Set during the radical uprising during the Regency, it has everything- friendships and families, sedition, intrigue, bookstores and good wine, valets being the mightiest strategists and amazing lovable radicals. This trilogy is honestly my favourite thing EVER.

Think of England by KJ Charles

Wounded during the Boer war, seemingly because of treason and betrayal, Archie Curtis sets off to a countryside mansion to get to the bottom of the matter. Completely unprepared for the task, he teams up with Daniel da Silva, the elegant jewish poet, who is much more capable than he seems. Absolutely delightful <333

HISTORICAL PARANORMAL

Whyborne and Griffin series by Jordan L. Hawk

The adventures of a shy sorcerer linguistic nerd, his detective husband, the most badass lady archeologist (the actual love of my life) and more, as they save the world from otherworldly beings bent on destroying it. Will make you cry about found families, strong and wonderful friendships and broken people finding strength in each other. Has magic, archeology, monsters, reluctant travels, lesbian warrior fishes and the best ginger cat in the world.

Hexworld series by Jordan L. Hawk

Turn of the century New York witch detectives and their familiars must fight to uncover a conspiracy plan to change the world. Really amazing worldbuilding, the magic system is very cool and it will make you furious about the treatment of familiars. The familiars are, generally speaking, fucking hilarious.

A Charm of Magpies by KJ Charles

Filthy-mouthed dominant earl falls in love with a stubborn and heroic wizard, together they create magic. A lot of people want that magic though, and it gets ugly. First KJ book I’ve ever read and I fell in love instantly. Has two more books set in the same universe with different protagonists and those are also amazing. (Rag and Bone is the one with black protagonist)

A Death by Silver by Melissa Scott and Amy Griswold

University-era friends need to figure out their confused emotions, while investigating a murder that brings out bad memories. Very good and soft, with even a better sequel

Downtime by Tamara Allen

When in London for a case, FBI agent gets sent back in time to Victorian London. While there, he finds out magic is real. Decides that since he’s there anyway, might as well investigate who Jack the Ripper was. Very sweet and soft

Restless Spirits by Jordan L. Hawk

A medium and a scientist bent on proving said medium to be a fraud get chosen to be in a contest to prove which side is better. They end up having to team up to save lives of people around.

The Secret Casebook of Simon Feximal by KJ Charles

Journalist and writer Robert Caldwell has been a close friend and lover of ghost hunter Simon Feximal for years and has been chronicling their adventures. Now, he finally writes the true story of their life together. Warning: this book will absolutely ruin you for years to come. You will be a mess whenever you think of the book and you will enjoy every second of it.

Green Men by KJ Charles

Set in the world of The Secret Casebook of Simon Feximal. Only few years after WW1, Britain is still recovering from the war. Having lost an entire generation of youth and most of the sorcerers the country had, those left are completely unprepared for what’s to come. Wonderful characters, the softest romance I’ve read possibly ever and beautifully melancholic. Best KJ book, in my opinion.

CONTEMPORARY

Shadow of the Templar by M. Chandler

FBI agent and his team are tasked with catching a famous international art thief, they end up kinda sorta accidentally adopting him instead. One of the funniest series I’ve ever read, honestly.

Cut&Run by Abigail Roux and Madeleine Urban

The incredible adventures on an unlikely pair of FBI agents go from enemies to lovers. Includes serial killers, undercover luxury yacht trips, tiger trafficking, drugs, marine buddies and one of the genuinely best character developments I’ve read. Warning, the first book is a bit shit. The rest is absolutely incredible though.

The General and the Horse-lord by Sarah Black

Retired ex-military lovers need to figure out what to do with their relationship, now that they’re civillians. A soft look at older gay people still figuring out their sexuality.

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

Neil Josten is on the run from his mafia murderous father and gets signed up for a professional college sports team, while people are still after him. It’s a really powerful emotional journey, but contains a large amount of a very triggering content, so be safe please.

 CONTEMPORARY PARANORMAL

THIRDS series by Charlie Cochet

FBI like team consisting of shifters and their partners must investigate conspiracy and threats against the new shifter population. Ridiculously hilarious at times, absolutely heartbreaking at other.

Deep Magic by Gillian St. Kevern

A story steeped in welsh folklore, with beautiful mermaid princes and knights who will save them. Shows the power stories have to change our lives. Plus it’s free so what are you waiting for?

Psycop series by Jordan Castillo Price

A medium detective and his partner investigate a series of supernatural crimes. People are horrible, corporations are horrible, ghosts are horrible and lbr, everything is kinda horrible, but it gets better.

Wriggle and Sparkle by Megan Derr

The adventures of Lynn the Kraken shifter and Anderson the unicorn shifters, their detective careers, and their life together. Honestly adorable. And when I say adorable, I mean sparkles-on-rainbow-filled-cupcake kind of adorable. Also, Lynn’s gender-presentation is fluid and it’s absolutely wonderful.

FANTASY

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat

Prince gets betrayed and sent as a slave to his sworn enemy, they end up working together to save their countries and fall in love. The best enemies to lovers example. Has amazing and complex politics, unreliable narrator and great worldbuilding. You’ve probably already heard of this book, but if you’re worried about triggers, please ask someone who actually read it, because there’s a lot of misinformation flying around.

Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling

The fantasy series of your dreams. There is ancient evil being revived, war is coming, everyone is bisexual and the kingdom is ruled by an ancient line of warrior queens. Everyone is wonderful and charming, characters are complex and the story will make you laugh and cry.

The God Eaters by Jesse Hajicek

Western-style world, where gods are reborn as humans, and one of them tried to control the whole world. It doesn’t go exactly as he planned.

Lord of the White Hell by Ginn Hale

Teenage genius inventor gets accepted to a prestigious boarding school in enemy territory. His room-mate might be demon-possesed and there’s some evil magic lurking around.

Champion of the Scarlet Wolf by Ginn Hale

Somewhat sequel to Lord of the White Hell. Disgraced noble travels to a faraway country, where he saves an injured dog. Turns out the dog isn’t just a dog, magic is everywhere around them and there’s a witch war coming.

Fairytales Slashed vol. 1 by Megan Derr

A collection of gay fairy tales. All kinds of stories with all kinds of characters (my favourite one is the one with the jester <333)

Dance with the Devil by Megan Derr

Adventures of half-ghost detective, his demon husband, imp partner, witch colleague and a vampire. Really cute and intriguing, with mysteries and conspiracies.

Dance in the Dark by Megan Derr

Set in the same universe as Dance with the Devil (there’s an entire series). Human son of a dracula becomes a detective, moves out to the city to help others, and gains a lover who only visits him in the dark.

The Rapier Brothers by Megan Derr

A collection of short stories centered around swordsmen. Three different couples, three really cute stories. Love it.