#socs …. ohhh socs they could never make me hate you

[aratakatism]

thought about Bob sheldon oh i’m gonna be sick . Ouhgh. he makes me so Physically ill

[eliniei]

Those Hard Days - Chapter 15

Summary: Rae’s brother always made sure she was tough as nails. But when her father flips her world upside down, will she find that there’s a limit on how strong she can be?

Warnings: Rape/Non-con (non-graphic, fade-to-black), child abuse, underage drinking, underage smoking, drug use, violence, major character death

A/N: Really, I couldn’t help myself posting this chapter in the same day as the previous. It’s a good place to stop for the week :P

AO3: here Fanfiction.net: here

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Chapter 15 - Brave

Twenty minutes later, Rae sat on the Curtis’s couch wearing a camisole and a baggy pair of pajama pants, borrowed from Sodapop. She hugged her knees to her chest and avoided Curly’s eyes. He was sitting in the chair across from the couch, watching her in silence, chewing on the inside of his mouth. Ponyboy had dragged himself in a few minutes before, yawning, after making sure Johnny got home safe, and dropped into bed. Darry was already asleep, but Soda had volunteered to make them some hot chocolate.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked, rubbing his temples.

"Well, Curly, I wasn’t sure,” she told him.

“And you’re sure now?”

“Well it sure sounded like her voice-”

“So you don’t know for sure?”

“It’s still…fuzzy.” He sighed, loudly, through his nose. “I’m...I’m pretty sure, Curly.”

“Alright, fine. You’re prob’ly right.”

“Why she would do this?”

"Who the hell knows. The older she gets the more out of control she is," Curly said, rolling his eyes. “Not like mom’s doin’ shit to straighten her out.” Soda came into the room, holding two mugs of steaming liquid and they both snapped their jaws shut. He handed one to each of them.

"Drink up. I'm goin’ to bed. Make sure to wash those when you’re done," Soda ordered and made for the room he shared with Pony. Rae took a sip from her mug and set it on the table next to the couch.

"I think she’s been doin’ more than just grass," Curly admitted, once he’d heard the door close, and set his hot chocolate down as well. “She was prob’ly pretty blitzed. Heroin. She tries to hide it, but most of the time it’s pretty damn obvious. Brumly’s been pushin’ it for a while now and she’s been gettin’ real friendly with-”

"Yeah, what a great excuse to beat the shit outta someone," she muttered, cutting him off. "If your mom ain’t gonna do shit, maybe you an’ Tim should put a leash on that girl yourselves.”

"Hey, she’s still my sister," Curly hissed, annoyance lacing his words.

"Yeah, and she hit me hard enough to knock me out and almost broke my fuckin’ nose!" Rae let her legs go and her feet slid to the floor. Her back bristled as she sat up. “She can’t be allowed to just do what she wants, Curly. She’s fourteen and she’s high on heroin? One of these days she’ll fuck with the wrong person and she’ll end up dead!” Frustration boiled up inside of her- and even maybe a little jealousy. Curly was gripping the arms of the chair, tightly.

“Don’t ya think I know that? Who d’ya think’s been turning her in so she’ll get sent to rehab?” His voice wobbled a little. After all these years, she’d never seen Curly cry before. Realization struck her.

Of course. Why wouldn’t he defend his sister? She’d defend Dally to her dying breath.

The fight instantly left her and she mentally kicked herself for feeling the way that she did. Rae leaned her head against the back of the couch and took a deep breath to calm herself down. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she stared up at the ceiling. She was getting real tired of these God damn mood swings. “I’m sorry. I just wish I knew why.”

“You’re right, okay?” he started and sighed. “You’re right. Maybe we should’a kept more an eye on her instead of lettin’ her run wild. Maybe we’ve given her too much freedom, knowin’ what she was doin’ with it.” She heard him stand up and move over to her. He sat down on the cushion beside her. She lifted her head and he stretched his arm out to lay across her shoulders.

“I ain’t feelin’ like myself, Curly,” Rae sighed, leaning into his body. “Ever since…” She trailed off, not knowing how to continue. He nodded, knowingly. “I don’t know. I’m so mad all the time. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

“You’ve been through a lot in the past few weeks,” he reminded her.

“I know, but…” She heaved a sigh. “You don’t hate me, do you?”

"I don’t think I could ever hate ya," he said and kissed the top of her head. She blinked the tears from her eyes and sat up to face him. His crooked smile appeared and she leaned in, pressing her forehead against his. Curly threaded his fingers in her hair and Rae felt a chill run up her spine. He grasped the back of her head and brought her lips against his. She closed her eyes and kissed him back, excitement running through her veins.

He gently laid her back on the couch, only disconnecting their lips for a few short breaths. She let it happen, feeling the exhilaration all the way in her fingertips. She grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him harder.

Before long, though, Rae felt his hands wander down to the tie of her pants. She felt a tug, the string trying to be undone. The heat turned to ice in a second and her stomach soured. She turned her head away from his mouth. He started leaving a trail of small kisses down her exposed neck, not sensing her discomfort. Her hands started to shake, her breath becoming short.

“Curly?”

“Hm?”

“Curly, please-.” She pushed against his chest.

Instantly, he was up, looking down at her, eyes wide with worry and fear.

"I-I don’t think I can-," she stuttered. The look he gave her-

"I'm- I’m sorry," he breathed. She sat up, slowly. "I'm-"

"It’s okay,” she told him. “You stopped. It’s fine. I just-”

"But I shouldn’t have even-"

"Don’t worry." She put a shaky hand on top of his and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “Just not yet.” He nodded, turning his hand and tightening his fingers around hers. She gave him a small smile.

"I’d-I’d better get home. Tim’ll be wantin’ his truck back and I gotta go all the way back to the school to get it." He reached out and stroked her cheek with his thumb, then tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He leaned in and kissed her carefully, like she was a porcelain doll that might break if handled roughly. At this point, maybe she was. “Goodnight.”

"Be careful," Rae whispered when their lips separated.

“Always am.” He got up and went for the door, looking thoughtful and upset. Her heart squeezed at the sight of his face. He paused just outside and gave someone outside a solemn nod, then rushed down the steps and into the dark. A few seconds later, Dally walked in, watching Curly leave, over his shoulder. He turned to Rae.

"Hey, kid," he said. Rae smiled, softly.

"Hey, Dal." He slipped his jacket off and laid it over the arm of the chair. She offered him the seat Curly had just been sitting in. Her brother dropped down onto the couch.

“Did ya’ll have a good time tonight?” She shrugged.

“It was alright. Pretty fun until some drunk asshole knocked me over and ripped my dress.”

“Soc?”

“Who else would get away with pullin’ that shit in public?”

“Good point,” Dally conceded. They were both quiet for a few seconds. “So anyway- I’m real proud of ya.”

"Proud?" Rae asked, turning to him. “For what?”

"Most broads wouldn’t say no." Rae looked over to the large front window.

“Were you outside the whole time?” she asked, cheeks turning to fire.

“Not the whole time.” She groaned and covered her eyes with her hands. He smirked. She fell over into his lap.

“Ohhh,” she groaned. “That’s so embarrassing!” He moved her hands and looked down at her.

“It was real brave.”

“Thanks, Dally,” she said, smiling up at him. Then he flicked her on the forehead hard enough that her skull made a thunk. “Ow!”

“Just don’t let it go to your head.” She scoffed, but examined his face closer.

“You look tired.”

“That ain’t very nice. And I just went outta my way to-”

"I know it’s my fault, isn’t it?" she concluded. Her brother frowned. “I know it is.”

"What makes ya think that?" he asked, looking down at her.

"You’re always stuck lookin’ after me,” she answered. “Instead of doin’ the things ya wanna do.”

"Don’t you ever think that," Dally ordered, his voice sharp. “I can’t say it ain’t hard at times-but kid, if I didn’t wanna look after ya, I wouldn’t.” He shrugged. “Besides, I can still look after ya- and do plenty of things I want.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a large wad of cash. “Speakin’ of, I made a killin’ at the rodeo tonight.” Rae sat up and watched him flip through the bills, counting them quicker than she could.

“Damn,” she squeaked. When he was finished, he put the money back into his pocket.

“Anyway, it’s late. Get to bed,” he said with a nod in the direction of the free bedroom down the hall.

“What about you?” she asked her brother as she made to stand up.

“I’ll take the couch.”

“Why? It ain’t like we never slept in the same bed before.”

“Go to bed,” he ordered, firmly.

“Fine,” Rae pouted, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. She’d always loved when they were kids- camping in each other’s rooms, the comfort she felt when he was next to her. It was really something she could use right about now...

She padded across the living room and headed for Soda’s abandoned room. Across the hall, she could hear his snoring through the closed door of Ponyboy’s bedroom. With a sigh, she went to the empty room and dropped into the bed.

Rae turned on to one side and clutched the quilt tightly around her body. Exhaustion flooded her body as she relaxed, and she closed her eyes, thinking back to when she and her brother were younger.

Rae and Dally sat on the floor in the front room of their New York home. Her big brother had a busted lip, drying trails of blood dripping down his chin, and a dangerous look on his face. Their mother knelt down in front of them and reached out to clean his face with her handkerchief, but jumped at the loud yell that came from outside the open door. She dropped the cloth on the floor.

"Let’s go, woman!” Rae could see her mother’s hand trembling.

"I’m sorry," she whispered and stood up, smoothing the wrinkles in her skirt. “Please, Dallas, take care of your sister.” He nodded. Their mother smiled, sadly, and then went to meet their father outside. This was their usual exchange.

The two siblings sat perfectly still until the car roared to life and pulled away from the curb. Dally wiped his chin with the sleeve of his shirt and looked at Rae.

"Okay?” he asked.

"Okay,” she answered, lip starting to quiver. She was lucky- she’d escaped the wrath of her father’s fists, but only because Dally had taken it all for her. She saw her brother’s fists clench. Tears formed in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered.

"What are big brothers for? I promised mom I’d always take care of you." He helped her to her feet. "Come on." He lead her to her room and put her to bed. She refused to let go of his hand, though, so he climbed in with her. They pulled the blanket over their heads and he told her ghost stories until Rae’s eyes started to droop and she curled up next to him, soaking in the comfort of his presence. Her small body stopped quivering and soon enough, she felt sleep overcome her.

Rae felt movement in the bed behind her. She cracked open her eyes but the room was dark, except for the light of the streetlamp barely filtering in through the blinds. She laid still and felt a body lay down next to hers.

"I'm sorry for not keepin’ my promise,” she heard Dally murmur. She wondered if he was thinking of the same night, or if he even knew she was awake. She pressed her back against his. Warmth spread over her- warmth and safety. Rae felt him relax against her and she listened until her brother’s breathing evened out. With a smile, she closed her eyes and let herself doze off again.