#society hates vagueposters so we cope

[theseareregularthoughts]

thinking about ghost coming back after the trojan horse mission in the mw3 campaign and he is fine. he is coping. and then he isn't, because soap's things are in his room gathering dust and he hasn't moved them since he died. there's a notepad in his room with soap's handwriting on it that ghost keeps because of that and it isn't even anything profound, it's a goddamn grocery list but it's all ghost has left of him now.

ghost living in the shadow of a dead guy because how does he extricate soap from his life when they were hardly ever separated for long periods of time after their work demanding they be in such close proximity. ghost feeling like he doesn't have the right to mourn soap like he does because they weren't really anything, when soap died, were they? hadn't even talked about it. ghost trying to decide what boxes of soap's things to keep because when he isn't on base he's in a one bed apartment and doesn't have room for extra shit. ghost relistening to soap's old voicemails and rereading their old text messages but not sending him any new messages, because if he got a reply telling him the number had been reassigned he couldn't cope with knowing.

ghost telling everyone he is fine and he's doing okay, and he and soap were close, but he was everybody else's friend too when he's asked because these are the responses he's rehearsed and if he deviates from them he risks choking on the words he actually wants to say like it feels like everybody else moved on and i blame myself because i know his death was preventable and they know i'm right. thinking about ghost trying to walk into the arms of his only remaining family (his brother) only to be greeted with hostility. thinking about ghost's grief being so palpable and directed that it buffers him from anyone who might understand.