#socially exhausted orz

[cornerstonc]

[vagalumess]

fellas what does one do when you're too depressed to text people back but don't want them to feel bad

[yume-x-hanabi]

Life update

Posted on DW, but I figured I could update this blog as well now that I'm semi-getting back into social media...

I've sorta fallen off from the fandom and social media space, because life has been a lot these past few years. To sum up briefly:

- I made a couple of posts about it last year, but I bought an apartment in a new building (construction wasn't finished at the time). Running left and right to choose stuff such as flooring etc, getting things organized on the paperwork side (banks, notaries...), plus the move itself, took me a lot of time and energy. I've been living here full time for 10 months now though, and it's been great. Love the building (even tho it's not entirely finished orz), love the neighbourhood, and it's so great to have your own place. Missy seems at ease here, too, which is important. The balconies' guardrails are huge glass panes that go all the way to the floor with no gap, so that means I can let her out without supervision without fear of her falling/jumping off.

- Work, the main culprit for my withdrawal from fandom. I think I mentioned before that I took on more admin tasks a couple years ago, and while I enjoy the actual work when I get to it, it's a huge huge drain to my mental energy, esp when combined with everything else (class prep, exams, meetings etc). So it's pretty much killed my drive, and my already bad work-life balance just became worse and worse. Like, it's not that I don't have free time (perks of teaching = lots of holidays), but when I do I'm so mentally exhausted that I was pretty much only able to play mindless games like Solitaire or Civilization VI (which became like an addiction lol) or doomscroll on twitter or reddit. I pretty much lost my ability to engage with hobbies, except for the ones below, and I'm trying really really hard to come back and make it stick this time around.

- Speaking of hobbies though, I've gotten really into classical music and started attending concerts regularly. By perfect coincidence, my new place is at a 2-minute walk from my city's philharmonic hall, and I've been enjoying the heck out of that perk. My city's orchestra is really good, and their program so varied. When it was time to choose my subscription for next season, it was harder to choose which concerts not to attend (but a choice had to be made ;v;). Also I'm super stoked because they're playing my favorite symphony next year, I didn't expect to be able to hear it live so soon!

I think this really saved my mental health this year. Like, it's a bit hard to explain, but there's something really unique and relaxing about the atmosphere there. It's a bit intimidating at first, and I was really self-conscious about not making noise at the beginning, but I've gotten used to it now. Mostly, I think it helped me rediscover what it is to just sit down and enjoy the moment, without constantly looking for stimulation to my already overstimulated mind (silly aside, but before that I'd sorta lost the ability to binge a series without mindlessly checking my phone in the middle of episodes. Being "forced" to keep my phone away for the duration of a concert has really helped me recover my attention span). I think it helps my mind rest, if that makes sense? Also there's nothing comparable to listening to the music live in a hall with great acoustics x3

I followed the Queen Elisabeth Competition closely this year, live for a few finals performances when possible, the rest on TV, and it was really awesome. I think in four years I'll get the subscription for the whole finals week :p

- Relatedly, I've also started taking violin lessons. I'd always wanted to learn an instrument since I was a child (loved those mandatory recorder classes we had at school lol), but it never happened (partly because I was too passive as a child to actively ask for it, partly because my parents probably didn't want to have their eardrums massacred, so didn't offer it (wouldn't have said no if I'd asked, but as I said I wasn't good at asking back then)). It took me a while to actually make the jump, because I thought I'm too old now and there's no point, but I finally did with some encouragements from friends and colleagues and I'm really glad I did. Violin is... hard lol. I sound absolutely terrible. But it's also really fun? Like I feel like I'll never be good, but also I've made so much progress since I started. I don't have much time to practice (I aim at at least 10min a day these days, which isn't a lot, but it's better than nothing and it's more important to do it a little regularly than a lot once in a while). I'm really looking forward to the day I'll be able to attempt to play Xillia songs 😄 Also I really love my teacher<3

- Lastly, niece is 3 now and so fun to interact with. It's not always easy, she's very stubborn and willful, but she's also really sweet and funny. Love her ❤️ And she's just got a little sister! who's a very chill newborn, so different from niece#1 lol. I can't wait to see them play together when they're a little bit older.

Anyway, that's pretty much the main things that have been going on the past couple of years. Like I said I'm not sure I can be totally back, I think it's gonna take a lot of adjustment, but this time I really don't want to let another year pass by like that. I'm really gonna try hard to have better balance this time!

[nebulacollege]

hello!! I love yalls twst stuff and I'm rlly excited to see/learn more about these ocs!! would you be able to give maybe a rundown on which characters are in which house and why? or maybe a general explanation on how the houses work in this college :0

Thank you very much for liking our twst stuff and for your interest in these boys! <3 And thank you very much for reading the info post about them! Fighting with tumblr to make it work was exhausting, and it’s still not going to work in the app after all orz I’ll add some of these facts to the info page later, but for this reply I can write much more than what I’m going to say there.

Now to your question. Each of the characters are were made to “represent” their corresponding house, to somewhat be the embodiment of the animal, so they go like this:

Niall is in the Unicorn house;

Ned is in the Dragon house;

Edmund is in the Raven house,

Liam is in the Snake house.

The houses group boys based on their personal qualities, but, ofc, there are no strict rules as which factors will definitely put you in one of the houses.

The Unicorn house is known for its dazzling, charismatic students with a strong tendency for leadership. They are determined, strong-willed, and often arrogant to an extent. They’re good at dealing with social issues, people in general, and can manipulate both people and the information they have as well. Still, despite being natural leaders, they have to have a sense of community and know how to form alliances.

They have good manners, good style, and overall have a high-society aura around them. Members of the royal families usually end up in this house. Because of that, it is considered the most prestigious (and rich lol) of the houses.

The Dragon house is the next in line in terms of being prestigious. Students there are loud, impulsive, have a very big “presence” whenever they’re around, while still being surprisingly responsible and well-behaved. They’re good and strategy and tactics, and have the best results in sports out of the bunch because of their good organizing abilities and discipline. They have their own order inside the house and dormitory, so they tend to work on the “survival of the fittest” principle. Just like Unicorn students, they are very proud, so they’re not ready to listen to just everyone, so they sometimes have conflicts inside their house in spite of their strong sense of unity. You have to deserve their respect to be... well, respected. On the negative side, they are quite greedy, loud, as I’ve said, and slow.

The Raven house is both the opposite of the Unicorn house, yet at the same time they’re the ones they cooperate with the most. Students of the Raven house are quiet and just don’t seem all that remarkable. They’re the first to react to different events, but the most “useless” in terms of solving things. The least ambitious of the bunch, they are rather perceptive, know a lot of rumors and information, good at making suggestions and predicting future outcomes, but at the same time secretive and not very talkative with other houses. Nobody really knows what they think, so they’re the creepy ones and the “freaks”, although not in such a harsh manner as one might think. They’re here to just do their job silently, or to complain a lot and still do their job lol If the Unicorn house can be considered the facade of the society, these students are the underground part of it. Metaphorically, that is.

The Snake students are also quiet, but their presence is much more prominent than that of the Raven students. They’re perfect on the surface level, but are ready to take any means necessary to achieve their goals without being caught. They seem perfect from the outside, but students from this house have the strongest sense of individuality. They’re cautious and ready to give way to others just to be safe and sure, they’re not the ones to rush anywhere without thinking. They’re careful, and a little bit slow in order to process events around them accordingly and to take the best possible route.

Phew, I think so far that’s enough lol

[kaisaniku]

【Victorian maxwil】The love and muddiness we are born with (1)

The following is mostly from the translation machine:

Victorian maxwil au will probably serialize... I'll try! The outline is done and I personally like the story and I really want to present it but it's really exhausted to draw a comic book and it's only eight pages long but I'm tired T T

. Mainly trying to record his imagination and graphics are quite immature orz

. The English text is a classic machine translation + self-modification, I do not know whether there is a mistake has been completely beyond my ability

. The age difference between the two nobles is set at about 30 ×20 years and the story takes place at the beginning of Wilson's independent career

. There is a reference to tuntun Mammy's setting that Max is a self-made businessman who is an ordained Viscount and Wil is the son of a count and a maverick doctor (btw if I am not mistaken, the two should be equal in class status?

. As for the character, Maxwell is not very vague. To be precise, he is a combination of Max and William Carter. Wilson's characteristic mainly refer to the impression of animation pv, plus he is a gentleman forged by the British upper society... In general, it will be more weak hhhh

. I looked up a lot of information about social background, but I didn't know everything, so if there's a question about humanities, history or science, I'll slide down first... Feel free to comment if you find something.

. Bala Bala said a lot of things, but the first one is all about fofoiling, and there is no plot progress at all... (Hello)

[dreki]

Wanted to try some new brushes, ended up drawing Fares Fares again lmao. The first sketch is reffed from some Partisan screenshots and the other two are from imagination.

Also, sorry for not answering asks lately but I've been absolutely, overwhelmingly exhausted by life stuff and keeping up with social media has been a struggle orz

[zhongrin]

riiiin!!! i missed you! i hope you've been doing okay and staying warm ^^ /gen. afhshfh i think you're rlly fun to talk to tho! i'm sure nii-chan would be happy to keep you company hehe. also yes. kisses as compensation. as for dad, he says he can't help himself and is just happy with being able to recieve affection from you! GEGE IS A CAT CONFIRMED EHSHDHW /lh,,he wont mind if he's "exhausted" tho. you prolly should be able to get away with head scratches. ~Lycoris

eyyyyyyy *glomps you* hehehe hello hello!! i missed you and everyone else too!!! and i am chugging on + staying warm yes <3 i hope you are too but then again you have four heaters ready to cuddle you to sleep so i guess you're all set XD

he should teach me his ways to deal with people and give me some of those social battery bc mine has malfunctioned since birth it seems orz

brb i need to kiss your dad all over his face he's embarrassing me hsjdjkdjslsdsdkslfk

kitty xiao kitty xiao he scratches he bites but don't be fooled he loves his head scratches-

dried flowers and shells omgggg that is so sweet ;w; tighnari seems like the type that would give you pressed flowers and pretty dried leaves from his patrols!! lmao i'm imagining cyno knowing about the trinket thing for the first time and what does he do? he brings back a scarab *facepalms* you end up keeping it as a lil pet, it's surprisingly very docile-

if they sandwich cuddle me i'd be satisfied. this is my home now. i will not require food nor any sort of nourishments. leave me be. i am comfy.

[kaulidur]

alright ill bite

i wanna know more abt eden and lazarus! both have such great designs, i wanna know what kinda shit theyd be up to

thank you! very based and bitepilled of you I don't actually really know what my ocs would mostly do, aside from vague vibes, since there's no real story or setting yet orz Eden would mostly be up to casual things like vibing, enjoying parties and lounging, poisoning the minds of any mortals they meet, inspiring wars and destruction, frolicking through fields and all that (they kinda exist outside of time so they do a lot of things probably) Lazarus would spend a lot of time researching (demons and such) and going to high society social events... being mean and manipulative and exhausted idk

[asterisque-arch]

B, I, Q, and Y!

Fandom-Related Questions

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.

//this question is hard to answer, apparently i'm usually the one making people change their mind on pairings, or i'm doing it to myself, i'm auto-persuading myself lol. but, the only example i have from recent stuff, it's amber and louis haha. i mean, yes, i never considered it but then interacting with your louis i was like "wait, they'd be so cute together" and then you said you didn't mind shipping them and i was like STRIKE??? does this count?

I: Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

//not just dumblr, but social medias in general, like tweeter and the like, because in the end, people as usually on more than one platforms and so the answer probably is yes. like back in the day i was part of the snk fandom and rpc and had the time of my life, then the new generations of fandom joined (i say this bc i'm old and saw some shit in my years in fandoms let me tell you, this is the worst period and generation so far fghgfdfgfd) and it became a real mess, so i left a lot of fandom rpc bc of the people behind it, trying to enjoy fancontent from afar, rarely joining them. genshin is a prime example of it too, i didn't even hold more than 6 months in it, it was Exhausting. i say i stopped liking the fandoms, but not the medias tho, i can still enjoy the genshin stuff i see from people i follow, i just don't seek it out by myself anymore! i almost did it for the FE fandom too but it's my main fandom, if i leave, i would have nothing left smh smh. in general, i just try my best to not get too close to the fandoms of the series i enjoy nowadays, contributing from time to time with a post or a fanart, or rping with friendos!

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why.

//i'm not going to tell which ship bc i don't want people on my back about it (you know randos haters who go in the tags just to find people to hate on LOL), but funny enough i didn't abandon it bc of the antis and haters, but because anytime i saw content for them it was always ns/fw and i was just Tired. i can only handle a bit of said content at a time, i got a overdose there (this isn't me saying you shouldn't do that kinda content if you like it, do whatever you want, be free!!!! it's just me not being able to deal with it orz), and they weren't even tagged or filtered like we can do on tweeter now. also i got tired of people always being at war over it lmao.

Y: A fandom you’re in but have no ships from.

//listen, sometimes i'm in the middle of watching/reading/playing something and i'm like "woah i'm so proud of myself, i'm not shipping anything there!" and the little yet was whispered just after bc like, 3 hours later i get a ship so i'm not going to tempt it there (bc i know i'll ship stuff bc of rp too, i have a really bad case of shipping curse).

[cuteteacakes]

Yeaaah. Yours can be cute, but if the people find your things *not* good then they'll leave. It's like being a youtuber also and writer. It's hard to catch their interest enough, they expect too much.

That's why I don't think I could ever be a full-time content creator and just do it for fun. It sounds exhausting! Having to not only be on all the time, but keeping up with multiple social media accounts (I barely manage one lol) I can only hope that my silly little story about two elves from different classes that go from strangers to friends to lovers will resonate with somebody. If not that then my silly middle grade novel about a boy that befriends an alien. And if not that my silly little space opera starring Volans, Orion, and Poeku. And if all else fails I can go the smut route orz

[kirishwima]

why am i so tired this week. literally what the hell is wrong 😭

[clavissionary-position]

Camping on Silvio's Private Island Event

A non-exhaustive list of things we learn about Keith and Gilbert (or get further confirmation about)

spoilers

I haven't read the Rio/Silvio ending yet

I used a shaky translator and am summarizing from memory (too lazy to revisit my screenshots orz), so please forgive inaccuracies and feel free to correct me or add anything I may have forgotten!

This is not a full-fledged summary of the event

Keith

He is very knowledgeable about medicinal herbs (their properties, their origin). When Emma suggests they go exploring the island, he expresses his interest in looking at the flora.

Sariel says that alter!Keith is quite popular among women according to rumors. Shy!Keith had no idea, and he becomes rather glum upon learning this.

He gets along with Gilbert fairly well, especially compared to others. He even considers offering Gilbert his lap to rest his head on when Gilbert overheats on the island. And when nobody else is interested in what Gilbert tries to propose as a campfire activity, Keith comes to his defense and asks that they all at least hear Gilbert out.

He's reminded of his youth when they're all splashing around in the river.

As a kid he dreamed of having adventures like Silvio has had on his many voyages. He praises Silvio for being an excellent explorer and Silvio blushes from embarrassment.

Gilbert

Reacts poorly to climate change? He overheats when they arrive on the island. Sariel has to hold a parasol over him while Keith fans him as he lays out on the beach. But then the instant Emma's like "I want to go exploring!" he gets up and volunteers to come along and hums merrily on his way. So was he faking (just to get Emma to offer her lap for him to sleep on)? Does that count as a "lie" if he was?

When Sariel comments that he felt murderous intent from Gilbert, Gilbert laughs it off and says that murderous intent comes to him as easily as breathing.

Likes to stir the pot. When the group encounters bats in a cave he's like, "I wonder what would happen if I disturbed them with my cane"

Apparently gets really winded from running (but this is also super sus to me... Like he could have just been faking it so he could stay close to Emma and then invite her to play in the water)

Suggests playing in the water in the first place because it's something he apparently picked up when he was visiting/inspecting an orphanage.

Is constantly heckling Sariel and even has the balls to jokingly call him "Papa" XD Poor Sariel can't catch a break from hellcats.

Has experience with keys/lock-picking

Values the time spent in the present, just laughing and having fun, because you never know when you might die.

In the same vein, he appreciates the call to adventure (treasure-hunting, for example). Even though the key he finds could easily be explained away by Silvio, he prefers to find out what the key goes to himself.

He prefers to be alone when he's trying to think. Man left camp and sat on a stump in the forest to contemplate the key T_T

Rarely attends social gatherings and has no interest in women in Obsidian

His campfire activity suggestion is to talk about each other's love life, though of course he refuses to tell anyone who he's been eyeing (leading Emma to speculate that it's unrequited love on Gilbert's part, and not, in fact, her orz)

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 299: No Chains Left

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “and then AFO broke out all of the inmates from six other prisons and took a nap. well anyways, here’s the hospital angst.” Kacchan woke up two days later and was all, “WAIT BUT HOW ARE DEKU AND TODOROKI AND ALL OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS EXCEPT IIDA DOING” and then we cut to Shouto’s room where the other U.A. kids were sitting around being Mutually Traumatized and giving each other moral support and such. Everyone was alll, “...”, and then the rest of the Todofam showed up, INCLUDING POSSIBLY REI?! which, omg. The chapter ended with Kacchan STOMPING THROUGH THE HALLS all “WHADDYA MEAN DEKU HASN’T WOKEN UP YET”, dragging along Satou and Mineta behind him, fueled by the power of ALL OF THE FUCKS HE NOW GIVES. He gives so many fucks now you guys. This boy cares so much he can probably deduct it on his taxes.

Today on BnHA: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO GIVE A LOT OF FUCKS, the story cuts abruptly to Hawks, freshly recovering from his near-death experience, and pondering the threads that have weaved the tapestry of his life and led him to this moment. Basically he grew up in poverty with his Jerk Dad and Jerk Mom until his dad got arrested one day and his mom sent him off to go Find Money Or Something, and so he rescued a busload of people and found himself a new career. Back in the present day, Hawks and Jeanist ride around town in Jeanist’s Jamborghini having awkward encounters with civilians in a country on the brink of social collapse, and visiting Hawks’s mother’s home. Hawks is all “I know from an outsider’s perspective it must look like my life currently sucks, but now that the HPSC is gone, my public image is shot, and my parents are finally out of my life, I’m actually feeling SURPRISINGLY GOOD.” Anyway so he’s gonna go meet up with Endeavor now, and p.s. this chapter was fucking fantastic though, damn.

oh my god?? is this Hawks narration?? something about him growing up watching the heroes on TV and thinking of them as fictional characters

okay I scrolled down a little bit more to see the rest of that “Keigo” panel, and wow

this is basically a shed. poor boy definitely grew up rough. let me tell you guys, I came in here ready for some BakuDeku shenanigans; I was not prepared for Hawks Flashback Angst. I AM HERE FOR IT, but also wow I gotta brace myself now lol

HELLO MISTER HAWKS’S JERK DAD, SIR

BnHA sure does have an array of Jerk Dads, doesn’t it. makes me appreciate characters like Masaru and JirouDad all the more for bucking the trend

anyway. so Horikoshi, you really thought that one itty bitty chapter of hospital catharsis would be enough to calm us all before you went right back to showing us child abuse huh. my god man can we rest

BABY HAWKS

swear to god this kid can’t be more than five or six, and yet he has this completely blank look on his face even with his dad looming over him being all threatening and shit. like he’s shut down his emotions to protect himself. imagine what has to happen to a child for him to have learned this at such a young age. fuck

AND MEANWHILE THIS GUY

don’t mingle with humans?? not “other” humans, just humans?? what is this implying here?? and also holy shit Hawks definitely didn’t inherit his looks from his dad orz

then again he doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to his strung-out mom here either

omg omg omg. and this child is basically trapped here in this environment with these two people. this explains a SHITLOAD about Hawks’s personality though you guys. his ability to completely separate his real thoughts from the face he presents to the outside world. his pragmatic approach to analyzing and solving problems. his layers of emotional walls. turns out almost none of that came from the HPSC training -- that was all learned hands-on in his own personal do-or-die survival nightmare childhood!! oh, boy

and small wonder then that he latched on to Endeavor so strongly if he really is the one who brought down his dad and inadvertently saved him from this. also, just putting this out there, I know people are always talking about him and Dabi being foils, and I think it’s very interesting how Touya grew up in a household where he saw firsthand the dark side of hero society, and so ended up becoming a villain in order to bring it down. whereas young Keigo had almost the exact opposite experience, growing up experiencing the dark side of villain society and becoming a hero in order to bring about a world where no one else has to experience that. just. both of them are so determined not to become their fathers. some interesting parallels there

so Hawks was sort of an accident after his parents had “thanks for helping me not get caught after I killed that guy” sex, and now this little boy is growing up in squalor and being beaten by his father for things like Sitting In The Wrong Out-Of-The-Way Corner Trying Not To Be A Bother To Anybody. holy fuck. this is so rough to read through you guys

wait so does Jerk Dad have a an eyeball manipulation quirk?? because he doesn’t have the wings like his son, but wth are these things??

this presumably also means that Keigo has never been to school or anything either. he basically doesn’t exist. he thinks heroes are fictional characters, he doesn’t realize that they’re real people. these are people who could help him if he could escape and find them, but he doesn’t know, and they don’t know about him

OH MY GOD HE’S JUST SITTING IN HIS CORNER HUGGLING HIS ENDEAVOR PLUSH OH MY GOD

how could this child possibly have an anti-fandom when he’s done NOTHING WRONG HIS ENTIRE LIFE. huh. just explain that to me. lol I mean I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone, but also, MAYBE I AM, idk?? this kid has gotten me all riled up lmao

anyways, Protect Keigo 2021, and thank you Horikoshi for these three very terrible pages. I am pleased to inform you that you’ve effectively gotten your point across and you may now commence saving this kid already

YAY

oh no, Keigo’s dumbass jerk dad tried to steal a car and the popo nabbed his ass and now his mom can’t just sit around neglecting her VERY YOUNG SON all day long, oh horrors. sorry lady my tiny violin is on backorder. just imagine that I’m playing a very sarcastic song on it for you

anyway so what are you gonna do now, abandon him? I can hardly imagine he’d be worse off, if anything it might be a near-instant improvement

LMAO HE’S ALL “WAIT WHAT ENDEAVOR’S A REAL FUCKING DUDE?!”

AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO CAN SAVE US~~~~ I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND WAAAAAIT~~~~~ I’LL HOLD ONTO THE WINGS OF THE EAGLES, WATCH AS WE ALL FLY AWAAAAAAY~~~~

lol what a randomly pivotal moment in his young life. TIME TO GO MAKE THESE MEMES INTO DREAMS YOUNG ONE

anyway so his mom freaked out and grabbed him and they wound up at a train station with her TELLING HIM TO GO GET HER SOME MONEY, oh my god. SURE MOM LEMME JUST WALTZ RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE “JOBS FOR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS” STORE AND TELL THEM I NEED SOME CASH. ffff manifesting someone to come help him in 3... 2...

...

SIGH, JUST GO RESCUE THE PEOPLE FROM THE BUS, KEIGO. is this the outfit he was wearing when that happened?? it must be, right?? I can’t imagine them surviving more than a couple days out here unless this starts getting REALLY dark in a way I know that even Horikoshi won’t explore, so yeah. cut to the HPSC now please. never thought we’d be glad to see them. I mean sure, it may be an “out of the frying pan...” case, but good god

THANK YOU!!

and I guess it was his mom’s eyeball quirk then. anyway, whatever, see you again never, hopefully. lol oh man. thaaaat, was upsetting. need to center myself here for a sec. NAMASTE

OH YAY THE PRESENT

so we cut from Baby Hawks Angst straight to Present Day Hawks Angst, huh. not that this exhausted and traumatized lil lad isn’t still a baby to me too, I’ll have you know

BEST JEANIST, ALWAYS WITH THE JOKES

“WHEW, THOUGHT YOU DIED ON ME FOR A SEC THERE KID.” lmao. Caleb will no doubt ruin this by making his word choice all stiffly formal as usual, so I’m just going to treasure this “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M FRESH OUT OF FUCKS” version of Jeanist while I can

look at him, driving his Jeanistmobile

again, is it any wonder Kacchan was bitching about Endeavor’s dinky little car when he was used to riding around town in style like this. anyone else staring at this panel trying to figure out how this car is somehow secretly made of jeans

NOOOOO

FUCK YOU DABI LMAO. PUTTING THESE VOICE ACTORS OUT OF A JOB ONE BY ONE

anyway so Jeanist is all “GOOD THING IT’S THE FUTURE AND WE’RE SO GOOD AT MEDICAL SCIENCE” to handwave how Hawks went from one step shy of being a very handsome corpse, to sitting around texting Jeanist in a car all of two days later

OH MY GOD, AND FINALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS

wait a minute. I’m so confused lmfao. soooo, was Hawks all “anyway, here’s Jeanist’s dead body, you can examine it but please don’t look at him too closely and also I’m gonna need that back unharmed.” how tf did you pull that off lmao

(ETA: also isn’t this technically confirmation of the ol’ Noumu Jeanist theory lol. I’m gonna go ahead and say it is.)

NO BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE. I unironically love reading Horikoshi’s overly convoluted “SEE IT’S NOT A PLOT HOLE” explanations

lkldslfk so wait, you’re telling me Hawks convinced Dabi and the League to put Jeanist’s body in storage, and basically just hoped they wouldn’t use him for any experiments until he could put his plan into action and have the HPSC’s people break in and find and revive him?? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. A FOOLPROOF PLAN IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE

fff this man really asked Jeanist to risk it all to prop up his little cover story, and Jeanist was all “sure why not” omfg. anyways, thanks for recapping all of this out loud for no particular reason in your car conversation you two

LMAO NOW WHAT

TROUBLE YOU SAY? GOOD THING THE NEW NUMBER ONE HERO IS ON THE JOB THEN

okay no it’s just some random thugs strolling around terrorizing the downtown. fuck ‘em. so Jeanist is making short work of them now

uh oh

won’t come? not can’t, but won’t?? what???

WOW

well I guess that makes the local heroes A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS now doesn’t it?? jesus

and okay, serious question, if the cops are spread too thin and the heroes have literally walked out on the job, what exactly is stopping everyone from deciding to use their quirks to defend themselves, legal or not? nothing, as far as I can tell. society just got a hell of a lot more chaotic

anyway so this is an interesting panel here

man, Dabi really did pull it off, didn’t he. well anyway so here’s that better world all of the villains were wanting, you guys! isn’t it so great?? everyone’s terrified and angry and losing hope and society is inches away from collapsing into total anarchy! but hey, at least we exposed the number one hero as a hypocrite

anyway so what are these guys up to

fucking hell, he’s visiting his mom. I really wasn’t prepared to commit this much emotional energy towards reading this chapter today. BUT VERY WELL, WE PRESS ON

?? wait she’s not there?

is this supposed to explain how Dabi knew who Hawks really was? except that there’s the little matter of how he even know where to find his mother in the first place. feels like we’re still missing something there, but oh well

OH MY GOD

RHA I TAKE BACK EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A SCANLATION GROUP FILLED WITH ANGELS LMAO. I WILL TAKE THIS PANEL IN MY HANDS, AND TREASURE IT AND KEEP IT SAFE

ANYWAY, BECAUSE MY TIRED BIRD SON’S LIFE SUCKED SO MUCH ALREADY, IT TURNS OUT HE’S ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH THIS NEW TURN OF EVENTS LOL HOW ABOUT THAT

GOOD FOR YOU BBY. YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON

and in all seriousness, I love that identity he chooses -- chooses, because it actually is him making a choice now, possibly for the very first time in his life -- is “guy who helps people”, though. it really is nothing short of miraculous that he held on to that kind of optimism and desire to do good even with everything he’s been through. there were so many times he could have chosen to turn his back on the world in retaliation for the way it treated him. but he didn’t!! and here he is now, finally free, and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now is simply to help others. anyway please excuse me for a moment, I need to go find some sort of basket or a big vase to put all of my fresh new Hawks Feels in, pardonne-moi

YEAH BOIIIIII

“FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, MISTER JEANIST, WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUSELF THAT SWEETASS CAR.” hey, all I’m saying is if this boy’s wings really aren’t growing back, he’s gonna need to find himself a new means of transportation y’know?

oh my god you guys it’s a flashback to his mom buying him the Endeavor plushie when he was like two because, and I quote, ALL MIGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

oh my god oh my god. my boy out here with a new lease on life finding hope in the darkest of times

wasn’t your throat supposed to be all fucked up lmao. Horikoshi was suddenly all “oh shit the VAs are gonna be pissed at me if I keep this up huh”

“that’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy” motherfucker IT IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR RAIN. FORECAST SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS

:’)

yes ma’am. yes indeed. confirmed, I really will straight up fight some motherfuckers for this child. well not really, but YOU KEEP YOUR DISCOURSE OFF MY LAWN AND OUT OF MY BLOG YOU HEAR. THIS IS A HAWKS-FRIENDLY SPACE. WE RESPECT TAKAMI KEIGO IN THESE STREETS

and he’s saying (or is he thinking?? what a weirdly shaped speech bubble this is) that even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki household is true, “I’m not sure it’s the same now.” which happens to be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. man this whole chapter really is all about saying “fuck the past” and moving forward and I am living for it

SON!!!!

“the first step is at my beginning” fklkjlk. what an iconic fucking line??

AND HIS WINGS!!!! THEY ACTUALLY ARE GROWING BACK AHHHHHHH. “PUT A RAINCHECK ON THAT CAR, JEANIST-SAN.” THE HAWKSMOBILE CAN WAIT, RIGHT NOW HE HAS TO GO INSERT HIMSELF BACK INTO THE TODODRAMA WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

you guys. I came here ready for some BAKUDEKU HOSPITAL ANGST, and I got DIDDLY SHIT of that, and none of my other kids were even in this chapter, but!!! ASK ME IF I CARE LMAO omg. because bird son is hanging with his new best friend, and he’s out here Finding Himself and picking up the pieces and putting them back together stronger than ever because RESILIENCE HAS A NAME, AND IT’S SPELLED H-A-W-K-S, and you guys. profound, my love for this child. holy shit. hey google, play Silence by Marshmello

[merakiui]

meraki!!! after reading the "yandere reader with demon xiao and angel venti," I was wondering, how would bittersweet! xiao react with a yandere reader? maybe the same story, but reader was a stalker towards him even before the event in which the met or something along those lines? would he be flattered and change how he acts towards them? ー @saekogun

This is an amazing ask! Thank you!!!! :D I can imagine it would be a different story if the tables were turned!!! 👀 I have so many thoughts, so please forgive me for the ramblings! orz

(cw: yandere, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, obsession, stalking, kidnapping)

You think Xiao resembles a cat. A cute, quiet, lonely stray without an owner. You witness his quirks when he stops by at the convenience store: how he always purchases the bare minimum because it feels like he’s deliberately trying to skip meals by filling the void with sweet bread and pudding. That won’t happen when he’s with you. You’ll make sure he eats well. Or how when the two of you meet eyes and he stares for a few seconds longer, as if entranced by some part of you. Or when he follows you from a distance, wearing dark colors, hood up, and a surgical mask to don some form of anonymity to excuse the fact that his actions—that this blatant stalking—is wrong and invasive.

You’re not sure why you’re drawn to him or why he’s so drawn to you. If he’s meant to be a poisonous plant, then you are simply the insect that has been ensnared in his flowery, yet silent charms. It’s cute when he follows after you like a hungry cat. As if he’s a stray who only recognizes the one who feeds him. In a way you do feed him. You make him feel validated—seen. You strike up cheesy conversations with him to pull him out of his shell—to get him to molt his lonely skin and spread his wings so that he can fly right into the trap that is your heart.

Maybe it’s wrong to obsess over him to this extent. To want to lock him away inside a world where he’s happy and safe. Where he won’t have to look so gloomy whenever he walks into the store. You’ll care for him in the way one cares for a Tamagotchi: doting, gentle, and sweet. Always making sure to feed and bathe him so he won’t wither like those virtual pets in their sad and restrictive virtual worlds. Maybe you don’t actually love him and simply want to care for him as if he was your actual pet. Maybe you just want someone to rely on you so that you can give them all of the attention they deserve.

Because without you he has nothing. No food. No water. Certainly not a comfortable bed or a nice roof to sleep under. And like a Tamagotchi he’ll shrivel up and die and you’ll be forced to find a new virtual pet to care for if that ever happens. But this isn’t a world inside a game. This is the real world and with it comes real consequences and people. You can compare Xiao to a Tamagotchi all you want; it’s not going to gloss over the fact that he’s a living being who deserves better than cheap bread or an exhausting office job.

You’ve looked him up on social media. No luck. He’s not on any platforms. He lives as if he’s been off of the grid his entire life. That’s probably for the best. If he has a phone, does he even use it? It doesn’t seem like he has many friends either. That can’t be good. Who will he call when danger strikes? But maybe he wants to be sought after. Or maybe he doesn’t and he has his own reasons for doing things. For showing such obvious interest in you, does he think you won’t notice? Facial expressions tell a lot. So does body language. And even though Xiao may seem like a blank slate you know how to truly read him. You do it nearly every day when you stand behind the register and observe.

That’s why you do what you do. It doesn’t matter what his past was like or what reason he has for always being alone, clinging to your presence as if you’re the only one he knows in this world. And you like it that way. So it’s okay when you stalk him, photographing his every movement. You fawn over him too much, and taking photos is the best way to immortalize his best moments.

Although you do like conversation. Even when he’s speaking, he has a way of captivating you.

“Hey there, stalker,” you say as you lean forward on the countertop, a grin pulling your lips apart when Xiao bristles at the word. “Just kidding. I noticed you were looking at that bread. It’s good. You should get it.”

He nods and his grip on the package tightens ever so slightly.

“You come in here a lot. Is it to see my lovely face? If so I’m flattered.”

His already angry face morphs into a deep scowl and you let out a gentle laugh. If you were anyone else, you might’ve been cowed into silence. But you notice the tiny blush. You notice the way his eyes dart. Does he even realize how cute he is? You really wish he was just a Tamagotchi in this moment because then your obsession would be justified. It wouldn’t be weird. Just a simple fascination with a simple virtual pet. You could take care of him with ease and not have to worry about any of the repercussions that come with it.

“Nothing of that sort,” he mutters, avoiding eye contact, and your heart flutters. He’s really adorable when he denies it.

Small scenario aside, I like to imagine that yan!reader knew far more about Xiao even before he started stalking them. Curiosity got the best of them when they noticed him on the train and they ended up following him to his final stop. Turns out he doesn’t live too far from where the reader works. They start to stalk him to the best of their abilities, following after him when he’s leaving the station and making excuses to their roommates when they ask why the reader has started staying out so late. Even traveling into the city to admire his workplace and possibly catch a glance of Xiao in formal attire.

Xiao’s yan characterization is very different from yan!reader’s characterization! So I think depending on who was kidnapped first it would be a similar reaction from either person. If Xiao kidnapped you first and you were happy to have gotten kidnapped, he would be relieved to know that you won’t put up a fight. And he won’t have to hide you away in the closet when he’s gone; it works out perfectly and he won’t treat them as harshly as he does to the original reader in Bittersweet. But if the reader kidnapped Xiao first, he might be a little confused. Like, you actually think he’s someone worth kidnapping? :O He’s surprised but not upset about it.

To sum up the roles they would play: The Xiao in Bittersweet is more of a protector when it comes to the reader. Yan!reader would be seen as more of a caretaker; they want to care for and dote on Xiao while he simply exists to be cute.

[reigenomic-moving]

I think I'm in my extreme burnout era. I keep pushing myself to be more social and keep a 4.0 GPA and make better art and for what. Nobody really cares and it only makes me exhausted orz

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! and PSA

*waves* hi everyone! so uh, I’ve kind of had a bit of a surge in followers recently, and I thought I would make a bit of a PSA/intro post with a bit more targeted info than my about page.

anyways, I’m cyan! statistically speaking, you are probably here for one of the following reasons:

my fic

my meta

my gifs

my translation

all of the above

this is pretty much an mdzs blog on main these days, but I also rb a lot of other misc things because I have never been good at keeping my interests separate. it’s also my personal blog, so expect some of that? i am very all or nothing ahaha. my opinions change very quickly as I process new information, so like, something I said last week or yesterday might be different now! I’ve seen several people going through some of my older posts, and I’m just like oh dear, I said a lot of things six months ago that I no longer vibe with. /o\ please keep that in mind as you go diving in my blog!

i don’t have a BYF or DNI policy, but I reserve the right to block anyone for any reason because this is a personal blog first and foremost, and I do need to be better about setting my boundaries and curating my own online space! on that same token, you are free to follow, unfollow, block, whatever, even if we’re mutuals. <3

you’re free to come talk to me in my inbox or dms, but please be aware that there’s a very high chance I will never get back to you /o\ it isn’t personal!! I am just very mentally ill and have many difficulties with keeping up social interactions or talking to people.

in the interest of trying to be more open about myself, my brain, and what that means for me in an online/fandom space, I’m gonna do a boatload of mental health talk under the cut (or, if you’re looking at this on my blog proper or somewhere where the cut doesn’t display, it starts right after this paragraph), including mentions of self-harm/thoughts of specific self-harm etc, just so you are warned! I’ve been thinking recently that it’s good to try and take steps towards being more open about my issues, both for my own sake and others’. It’s long, because one of the fun things about my mental illness is that I am hyperverbal ahahaha (if that... wasn’t already obvious orz)

so if you’ve read pfmmpd, you can kind of get a sense of what I’m working with. a lot of how i wrote lwj was drawn directly from shit happening in my own brain, but like? dial that up from the specific issues that lwj had in that fic and apply it unilaterally across the board to almost anything you can think of.

I hesitate to describe my OCD as debilitating, but only because my specific cocktail of compulsions and anxieties and triggers push me to be hyperachieving and hyperfunctional. I consider myself pretty fortunate (?) in that regard. on paper, you could never tell how absolutely batshit my internal landscape is! which is very good for me practically in that I can hold down a job, keep scholarships, graduate with honors, have good prospects for my future, hold onto relationships (usually yikes) etc. but the fact of the matter is, I’m like. oh boy.

to give you a peek, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things that have triggered me to varying degrees of severity within the last like, week or so:

my dog

a chinese folk song

my mother reading a chinese haiku to me written by a young gay man

a chinese reader of my fic lovingly and gently giving me a history lesson on china and on mdzs while praising me

stepping on a piece of snow that didn’t collapse in the precise way i expected it to

writing meta

reading meta

ruminating on my triggers (honestly, I played myself)

seeing a twitter thread going around tumblr with decent information but the OP is someone who was exceedingly cruel to a good friend of mine

visiting my grandmother’s grave

deciding to visit my grandmother’s grave

discussing the concept of cuddling my partner whom i love and have been with for four years

self-harming (truly the height of irony, being triggered into self-harm and then getting triggered by the result of the self-harm hahahahahaha)

dropping off a package

trying to explain queer-coding to my parents

talking about stressors in my life related to covid19

having a very pleasant conversation with a person i admire

editing my translation

the fact that the “close” button on my accessibility sidebar on the translation website is the wrong color

choosing between eating all the shiitake mushrooms in my soup and purposefully giving myself a bad reaction or throwing one out and wasting food

thinking about playing a fun game with my partner and a mutual friend

my mom asking me to take a photo of some tea for her

my mom asking my opinion on a photo she was photoshopping

animal crossing

writing this fucking post HAHAHAHA

like!! it goes on!! endlessly! obviously, these triggers are not simply “bad” things. the chinese folk song and the haiku were both really beautiful and i love them! but I did spend a good amount of time curled up on my floor in the dark sobbing as i played the song on repeat. the haiku was one of the last straws that ended up with me screaming and crying and hurting myself. the snow??? like wtf the snow thing. I stepped on the snow and it felt wrong and my brain just started screaming SMASH YOUR KNEECAP. ???? (I didn’t, for the record, and I would never.) I love my partner very much! I love my friends very much, and my mother, and my grandmother etc. my triggers are infinite, unpredictable, and bizarre.

I’m saying all of this because I want to be clear that MDZS/CQL fandom specifically triggers me on a daily basis, sometimes very very badly. this is just a fact! it is no one’s fault! I have decided it is worth it for me to stay anyways. it is impossible for me to request people tag for certain things because I myself have no idea what my triggers are until I encounter them. It’s like a fun mystery boss encounter! sometimes it’s low level and i’m well-equipped to handle it. other times it’s a one-hit KO. We just don’t know! there are lots of very cool content creators in this fandom that I can’t follow because it would make my dash that much more high stakes. the original source canon material triggers me! all the events leading up to Lotus Cove massacre? I was shaking at work for three hours after consuming it for the first time.

Meta specifically is something I know a lot of people like me for, but it’s 100% the most triggering activity I participate in for this fandom. like, that suibian meta post I wrote that’s currently going around? Probably took me four or five hours of concentrated effort to write because I was compulsively panicking and rewriting and editing and panicking more and qualifying and editing and qualifying some more and then debating whether I should post it or not and then fighting with myself about my wording and then immediately regretting it and then every time someone commented on it (regardless of positive or negative!) my anxiety spiked. I started a reply to a response on that post and had to stop after a few minutes because I was already starting to trigger myself over it.

this is actually a pretty good outcome when it comes to meta! I recognized that I was hurting myself before I got any further, and I only spent like, five hours on it! it was good exposure therapy for me! the bad outcome is. well. bad, as you might imagine lmao.

I like writing meta. I like talking to people about it too! I like participating in fandom, I like writing, I like translating, I like all of these things. they’re just also really hard for me! there’s a couple meta requests sitting in my inbox right now that I want to get to, but it might take me like. a long time because of. you know! *gestures* Everything takes me a long time. that first chapter of the translation took me literally five months from beginning the project to posting a final edited version. It’s just over 1k words. D8

I try really hard to be chill and kind in public and I largely think I succeed on the kind part (I hope!). If you thought I had even an ounce of chill before this, perhaps I have disabused of that notion entirely now lmao. I’m not saying this for pity, but like? just so we all know what we’re dealing with here. I don’t want anyone to get hurt when I don’t engage with them or feel snubbed if I never reply to them. and also like, hey, if someone relates it’s like hooray, high fave, solidarity! we’re not alone in this world! or maybe this will help someone understand OCD a little better! I don’t know. I hope this post is a positive thing. BUT! I’ve spent three hours on it already, and i’m definitely starting to compulsively spiral, so instead of going back and editing it over and over, I’m just going to post it. thank you everyone for your understanding! I hope you enjoy your time on my blog! (*´▽`*)