#social interaction can be hard (I'm ND I know) but it is important for your health

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

not the same anon but i also hc sokka as autistic (specifically audhd), bc there was always certain ways he behaved that i found i related to a lot. a lot of them are just reasons you mentioned: he can be very blunt, and one thing about sokka is that he is a tendency to put his foot in his mouth sometimes, just saying things as they are without realising it might be insensitive or that it might not be the best thing to say. and i know that him overlooking certain important details, such as toph being blind at times, can be attributed to adhd but i think that forgetfulness in regards to other people is something that can be attributed to autism, in that he doesn't really think about the fact she's blind despite obviously knowing. on the contrast though, whilst at times he seems unaware, i think sokka can be very hyperaware of very small things that hes insecure of that other people don't really notice, or that other people have pointed out that he might not have thought much about before which is also smt ik some ppl with autism struggle with. and even though he is a social person, like i mentioned before that at times he seems slightly unaware of certain things, but a lot of his social behaviours can be read as masking, like his insistence he is the "meat, sarcasm and planning" guy, trying to pin his personality on these key things, and whilst his attempts to be like hakoda are Daddy Issues it can also be read as the fact he knows his dad is a well respected, well liked man, and that by mimicking his behaviour he will be perceived as more socially acceptable.

the most obvious thing is the scheduling, we know he loves his plans and he's the self proclaimed "plan guy" but he gets quite grumpy when people don't abide by them and happy when people do. sokka is a very routine person, when we first see the swt he gets frustrated when the kids don't want to train, another thing that could be read as them throwing off his schedule. there's also the thing with the fortune teller- sokka is very insistent on his science, something he's very passionate about, and gets really easily frustrated when people won't listen to him when he's trying to explain something, and can't understand why people would believe that instead of what he believes, which also kind of leans into the whole social unawareness thing. nowadays i write him more as having audhd just because i think it fits more- a lot of autism traits and adhd do overlap, and it's very common for ppl with autism to have a lot of adhd traits, vice versa. that's all i can personally think of tho, but yeah all nd hcs are neat. need more in the world

you're so right actually. i've been fully convinced. i think because i'm audhd it's hard to separate out whether it's the adhd or autism that makes me relate to a character. it could be both! also i think that the way sokka is widely perceived as dumb and silly when he's actually very intelligent is very similar to adhd stereotypes and less similar to autism stereotypes, so it was easy for me to just kinda pick that one.

his insistence he is the "meat, sarcasm and planning" guy, trying to pin his personality on these key things

i have a whole post in my drafts about how his various different "[x] guy" titles throughout the show are evidence of adhd because you feel like you can't focus on one thing and you feel like a fuck-up (bc you may forget things/be disorganized) and you're desperately trying to find the one thing that will make up for you being an unfocused fuck-up. but it actually makes so much sense as autism too, as a social script that makes it easier to define himself to other people. also defining yourself by your interests and only wanting to interact with people through them is very autistic. i think it's a question on the raads-r. also it's why i'm on tumblr.

anyways, the fun thing is that both can be true simultaneously. it's a product of insecurities about adhd and also an autistic social script.

and whilst his attempts to be like hakoda are Daddy Issues it can also be read as the fact he knows his dad is a well respected, well liked man, and that by mimicking his behaviour he will be perceived as more socially acceptable.

i think this might've also been why i initially read him as only adhd. i fell for his mask! what we know of hakoda reads as only adhd, so i made the mistake of assuming that was it. and i'm a huge proponent of "hakoda and sokka are actually different people"! shame on me.

like, generally the way he's trying to play this warrior role that doesn't fit him because he thinks that's what he's supposed to be can be read as autistic masking. he imitates how he thinks strong men are and it comes off as comical and fake bc attempting to mask sometimes means the fact that it's a mask is really obvious.

yeah i'm into this. audhd sokka!!!!!

[cathode-crew]

I don't see a lot of posts detailing how hard high school and college are for neurodivergent people. I know maybe it's because a lot of ND people might not make it to college or even K-12, but I think its worth talking about. It is seriously something so annoying and devastating to hear more about destigmatization and accommodations and an increas of inclusiveness of ND people in colleges and work places, only to see that it's not really true and navigating/understanding the system is horrible.

I don't think anyone has a responsibility to work, but I genuinely want to and find myself (hypothetically) able to. Considering the big spectrum of many disorders, I think I'm ultimately a bit fortunate in that I can be a great student and I'm pretty smart. And yet despite that, I'm having a horrible time actually understanding what I can only refer to as "el chiste" (the joke). The way the system really works and what all NTs automatically know and follow, but don't directly say it or explain to anyone.

Schools and work places say they want smart, passionate hardworkers, but that's not what's important. Having good connections to people and time/money to take shadowing positions and trips was what actually counted.

The issue with being ND and school goes beyond having difficulty with a specific subject and focusing.

It's also not engaging with the class lecture or interacting with other students, due to being socially withdrawn or socially awkward.

It's being unable to network and making friends or acquaintances.

It's being very punctual and busy with studying that you miss out on apparently crucial club activities/school events/volunteer work. They say "read the textbook and do all your homework which for a 2 hpur and 2 days of the week class is 8 hours." That leaves me with no time to do a part-time job or volunteer or do extracurricular activities or anything. Other students prioritized non-class stuff and put it on their resumes and grad applications. I have nothing to put on those and look like an incompetent applicant for doing what they told me ("do good in classes"). Nobody filled me in on the secret/joke.

Being smart was not what any of it was about. It was being able to make small talk and have zero communication limitations or being socially inept. I got nowhere despite actually working hard to get 4.0s and loving the field I chose. My peers just complained about the classes and admitted to never reading even required texts, never came to class and cheating on quizzes and take home exams, but they move forward because without actually doing the work or spending time studying they got to volunteer and shadow and work on their statements.

[autisticlifelessons]

Hello there,

I'm a parent to a child that I strongly suspect has autism and ADHD. The characteristics were subtle at first, but over the years they've have become more apparent. They're now in their tweens, and I'm finding it difficult to connect with them.

They have obscure interests, and while we try to appeal to those as much as we can, it never seems to be enough. They want the novel experience of something new (ADHD), whilst still wanting to stay firmly within their comfort zone (ASD). Most family and social events are met with hostile disapproval and repugnance, but they also complain about being bored and lonely. This is a complex balancing act to include them and make them feel comfortable, and more often than not I don't get it right, try as I might. This is causing my child a lot of frustration, depression, and moodiness since their emotional and psychological needs are not being met. They aren't willing to compromise, and I don't know what else to do to help bring some happiness and joy into my child's life.

It also doesn't help that I have another child with special needs that requires my time and attention as well. I have ADHD, and my older child's bluntness can be incredibly hurtful and trigger my own RSD (which they also have, but struggles to empathize when the shoe is on the other foot). I am aware that I am the adult in the situation and should handle this better, yet I am also a sensitive ND person and going through my own psychological growth in life. There seems to be arguments or heated interactions between them and other family members on a daily basis, and I don't want that for any of us.

I have seen my child at their best, and they practically GLOW with elation and confidence during those times. They're so very intelligent, talented, and clever, and it saddens me so much to see them so depressed and withdrawn the rest of the time. There is an important place in this world for my wonderful child, but I'm unsure of how to help them.

Is there any advice, even small, that you could offer for someone in my position?

Hey

I haven't been doing much with this blog lately so I'm so sorry if you have been waiting a long time for a response.

That sounds like a really sucky situation and I am sorry you and your family are going through this. You sound like a wonderful parent doing their absolute best and it must be so frustrating to feel like your efforts aren't getting you anywhere.

The tween years are a time of transition and can be rough even for neurotypical children as their bodies and minds change and grow and they begin exploring their identity. It may be that there is nothing else you can so except continue to support them as best you can until they find some new equilibrium. In terms of protecting your own and your other child's wellbeing, it may be time to enact a bit of 'tough love' by asserting boundries on what is and isn't acceptable. You could help them come up with coping strategies such as box breathing to help them calm down when they are frustrated.

I hope that helps. But coming from a family of neurodivergent people with differing traits and support needs I know how hard it can be to try at support someone while trying to protect your own mental health.

Hang in there, you got this xxxxx

[newhologram]

A post by Stopworkplacebullies that reads: Signs of a High Soul Vibration: 1. Animals feel safe in your presence. 2. People stare at you in public. 3. Random strangers love to come to you and tell you their stories. 4. You can feel energy shift when you enter a room. 5. You irritate toxic people just by being you. *sigh* Okay, sorry to be That Guy, but this is the kind of stuff I call out in the "High Vibe" community because it lends itself to toxic positivity, toxic spirituality, spiritual ableism, and creates blind spots. I generally do not agree with what people say is "High Vibe" and feel like it can cause issues in perception and further blinds us to seeing problems within our circles or ourselves. Let's break it down. (Disclaimer: I'm a spiritual person, whatever that even means anymore. My spiritual practice is a really important part of my daily routine and how I process trauma and life in general. It's a creative mode of knowing that helps me make sense of the overwhelming and traumatic world we live in and to cultivate hope. So I'm coming from a place of being in these communities for a long time and seeing these problems first hand.) 1. "Animals feel safe in your presence." This isn't a sign of being "High Vibe". My bullies and emotionally unhealthy family members are generally good with animals. Most of them know how to respect animals' boundaries and some even do animal rescue! They have BIG hearts for animals. But they still abused me and traumatized me. They'll take care of a sick animal but if I'm having a chronic illness flareup, I get emotionally abused, gaslit, and neglected. So we can't measure "vibration" or "being a good person" this way at all. 2. "People stare at you in public." People stare at me because I'm unusual. I move weird, dress weird, interact weird. This doesn't make me "High Vibe." Also sometimes people just stare, it's different across cultures. I don't know what it means nor do I care. "People stare at me bc I'm high vibe" also just sounds, Idk? Eew? 3. "Random strangers love to come to you and tell you their stories." Having worked retail for many years, I can tell you this has nothing to do with high vibe because again, even my abusers have this effect on people. I don't know why customers treated me ringing them up like therapy sessions. Maybe they were just lonely or hurting and I felt safe to them. I don't think this makes me "High Vibe." And yeah, I'm gonna keep putting that in quotations. 4. "You can feel energy shift when you enter a room." I am very sensitive to energy and can often "feel" someone else's anxiety like sandpaper against my skin. But I'm also a neurodivergent trauma survivor whose nervous system was wired to read people for signs of danger. The "energy shift" that I feel is usually my CPTSD responding to microexpressions/posture/etc. 5. "You irritate toxic people just by being you." I mean, yeah, I irritate my bullies just by being me because they're incredibly insecure and self-centered people. But I also irritate NONtoxic, cool people, probably just because I'm ND and don't always read social cues. I also get irritated by awesome people who I actually like because I have a lot of random triggers, but I work hard to keep it internal to work out on my own because it's my problem, not theirs. This doesn't necessarily make me toxic, nor does it always make everyone who gets irritated by me toxic. It's fine if "High Vibe" stuff resonates with you, but just be sure it doesn't cut you off from compassion or from doing self-investigation.

[aurora-lights-show]

god those nd "advocates" were awful. i'd like to believe if you pushed them that they'd agree with all your prescriptions and the importance of socializing all kids but i'm not even sure any more. they could just as easily be some breed of school abolitionists, it's hard to tell

people like that don't represent me. sorry you had to run into them

I don’t know either at this point, I feel like part of growing up is understanding that even though we were hurt when we were young by the actions of some adults, it’s unfair to think that everyone who works as an educator doesn’t have the kids’ best interest at heart. I can imagine those people must have gone through something difficult in their lives but I also hope they get to be mature enough one day to see that the world isn’t always against them. Personally I had a tough time with socializing as well when I was young and it would have saved me a lot of trial and error if someone had bothered to teach me the basics of social interactions, or help the other children interact in different ways. Thank you for reaching out, it was very sweet of you