#sobbing crying i really don't want to be THIS upset bcs we only got to see leaks and we don't know the full story

[zegrasdrysdale]

Could you possibly write something with Jack where the reader is having an insecure moment because she read some comments on her recent post and Jack comforts her and reassures that she’s the only girl for him and how beautiful he is, and maybe he makes a little insta post about her

[ don’t know what for ] j. hughes

paring : Jack Hughes x fem!reader

summary : after reading some of the comments on her most recent insta post, Jack’s girl gets a little insecure. he reminds her just how beautiful she is

warning(s) : insecure!reader, allusions to a past eating disorder

author’s note : if y’all understand the title then we are automatically best friends (bc 1d 🫶🏼)

༺═──────────────═༻

She frowns as her comments are once again flooded with comments how she looks. It's always a comment about the color of her hair or that it looks like she needs to "eat a burger". As if she didn't stop eating completely when she was a teenager because she was getting comments about how she looked overweight when she was healthy.

Sometimes there's even a dig at the fact that she has blue eyes.

She knows there's a stereotype around hockey players dating or marrying women that have blonde hair and blue eyes, but she can't control the color of either. Sure, it's the type of some players but Jack told her over and over again at the beginning of their relationship that he liked her for her personality.

That doesn't mean that little voice in her head tells her that he's with her because of her hair and eyes. She's aware he has a type, and that type does match the stereotype.

Instead of getting up and going out like she had planned, she doesn't move from her bed. She cancels all plans that she had with her friends and cancels dinner with Jack that night to hide from the public.

The last thing that she needs is more pictures of her to be taken that night and more comments to roll in about the way she looks.

from: hughesy ♡ - 10:03 am wdym you don't feel good ? can i bring you soup ? i can give you back rubs if you don't want soup (ik i'm not a great cook). snacks ? soda ? ice cream ?

to: hughesy ♡ - 10:05 am i'm not hungry. i just wanted to let you know about dinner

from: hughesy ♡ - 10:19 am i'm outside your apartment. open up

Despite saying that she doesn't feel good and doesn't want to see anyone, Jack is on the other side of the door when she opens it in her hoodie with the hood up to hide her hair. He holds up flowers, a plastic bag that's probably full of candy, and a can of soup with a big smile.

"Baby, you look like you've been crying," he states when she opens the door. "Are you sure it's more than you not feeling well?"

She moves to the side so Jack can walk into her apartment. "If I tell you, you'll think it's stupid," she mumbles as she closes the door behind him and follows him further into the apartment.

Jack puts the goodies on the kitchen island and turns to his girlfriend with a frown. "Hey, you can tell me and I promise I won't think it's stupid," he assures her. "What's really going on?"

Her bottom lip wobbles as she says, "I hate being blonde and I hate having blue eyes. I feel like you're only with me because of it. I feel like if I dyed my hair brown and got brown contacts then you'd leave me. I feel too skinny and I feel too fat at the same time. I don't want to go out today and probably get my picture taken every two seconds because I don't feel pretty. I don't want to be seen eating because I'll get told I need to stop again. I don't want to be seen not eating because then I'll be told I need to put on weight. It's confusing and I hate the way I look right now."

A weight comes off her shoulders when she confesses how she really feels to Jack. The tears begin though and sobs wrack her entire body.

His frown just deepens at her confession. Jack crosses the room in three long strides to envelope her in a hug. He cradles her head like he always does when she's upset. She buries her face into his healthy shoulder and wraps her arms around his torso.

"You're so allowed to have days like this," Jack tells her. "But you need to stay out of your comment section, my love. They don't know you like I do and only see you for your hair and eyes. They don't know the you that I fell in love with. I love you no matter what and that will never change. You could dye your hair magenta and I'd still love you and think you were beautiful."

She shakes her head and looks up at him. "You don't mean that," she says.

Jack pushes the hood off her head and runs his fingers through her locks. "I mean that with my entire heart, baby," he assures her. "I think you're beautiful on your most insecure days. I think you light up the room when you walk in when you think you'd dim it. I love you when you doubt it. You're it for me. Blonde hair or not. Blue eyes or not."

"I don't believe you," she whispers.

It hurts her heart to say it but it's true at the moment. She doesn't believe Jack when he says that she's it for him. She's heard those words before and they turned out not to me true.

He runs his thumbs over her cheekbones to dry her tears and replies, "You don't have to. Not right now. Just know that I find you incredibly beautiful for the both of us." He pulls her back into a hug. "I'd love you if you shaved your head tomorrow too and that's a fact."

She bites back a smile and shakes her head. "I'm not going to go bald or something, Jack," she tells him.

"Just saying that I'd love you no matter what," he assures her. She pulls her head back to look up at him. "Hairless or not. I'd even take you to get colored contacts if that's what you really wanted."

"I know," she sighs as she buries her face back into his good shoulder. "It just sucks that no matter what I do, I still have moments like this."

Jack presses kisses to the top of her head and she wraps her arms around his torso. "You're allowed, baby," he tells her. "Just don't shut me out when you have moments like these because I have so many compliments I could give you any time you need me to. We can eat in tonight, have a movie night too. We'll order since we both know that I can't cook."

She laughs and shakes her head. "Stay out of my kitchen, Hughes," she says. "I don't need you burning down my apartment."

He smiles at her. "I'm not planning on it," he laughs. "Your apartment is safe from me. What do you want to do today?"

"Cuddle and watch movies," she replies. "That's it. That's all I want to do today."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Jack says. He cups her jaw and presses a quick, soft kiss to her lips. "My pretty girl."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

jackhughes

liked by yourusername, lhughes_06, and 128,782 others

jackhughes you’re turning heads when you walk through the door 🫶🏼🤍

view all 3,892 comments

lhughes_06 a one direction reference ? didn’t know you were a fan

jackhughes i’ve been converted into a 1d fan

fan1 she’s so pretty

fan2 oh my goshhh jack can you fight ?

yourusername my love 🫶🏼

jackhughes my pretty girl 🤍

yourusername i love youuu

jackhughes love you so much more

_quinnhughes gross

fan3 someone’s jealous

nicohischier okay jack

dawson1417 what a good bf you are

fan4 aw

hater1 ofc he’s dating a blonde

jackhughes her hair color is not the reason she’s my girlfriend. she’d look beautiful bald too

yourusername JACK ????

༺═──────────────═༻

MASTERLIST

requests are currently CLOSED !!

wanna be added to the taglist ? fill out this form !!

taglist : @dasiysthings @axaslee @ithinkimokeei @equallyshaw @dancerbailey3 @goldihocksrocks @love4lando @stony1386 @mangoluver @prettyinsatiable @ivy-34 @bunbunbl0gs @aaliyah40606-blog @naughty-box @memandi

[starluvsx]

★𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

proofread: yeaaa

word count:4k(lol plz send help)

WARNINGS: pt2 of jealous girl, toxic!Chris, smut but like for the plot yk, p in v, dick suckin, unprotected sex (safe sex is great sex kids😁👍), praise and degrading, crying, mentions of possible cheating, reader talks about being insecure, swearing, pet names, reader is def not standing on business.

A/N:here u gooo @urfavstromboli !this is too long holy shit.the smut part was so strange to write bc like I don't really like writing smut but I had to for like the story.also im sorry this took so long to makes started working on it right after pt1 and just forgot it was in my drafts LMAOOOO. also peep the special banner(I couldn't find any good lyrics).ok ill stop yappin and let you read.

𖦹 𖦹

✧SATURDAY

my heart beat sped up as I slammed the door in Chris' face.never being this upset with him in my life. I mean I never really thought he would choose another girl over me.Especially not one that has problems with me for no apparent reason. As I broke down into sobs I pulled out my phone and ironically called Nick, Chris' brother, knowing he would comfort me.

"Hey what's up?Did Chris apologize?" Nick asked through the phone.Once my crying was heard I think he got the hint of what had happened though.

"Can you uh..can you come over please really just... need someone right now."I stifled out as I paced around my living room.too many yet not enough thoughts running through my head.

"yea of course, do you want me to grab anything on the way?"Nick questioned sympathetically. I only responded with a small 'the usual' before we promptly said goodbye and I hung up.

✧NICKS POV

I heard the front door open as I shuffled down the stairs,Chris huffing and puffing as he stepped into my view. "How'd it go?"I asked even though I already knew how it went.I wanted to see if he would lie to me.

"horrible, its not even my fault though, shes acting like an insane bitch and is trying to make me choose between her and ash.fucking stupid.she needs to get over herself." Chris spat out.i was shock at his words about a girl who he used to love so much.the only time he talked about her behind her back was when he was saying how pretty she looked or how kind she way or how funny she could be.all of those feeling were now replaced by cold, rude, bullshit.

"don't talk about her like that, dickhead." I retorted.yes he's my brother and I'll love him no matter what but there is no way I would let him talk about her in such a way.especially when I knew that wasn't what he was like at all.

"what?! How am I the dickhead?" he yelled out as I turned my body to Matt's room in order to ask if he could drive me to y/n's.rolling my eyes and choosing to ignore the boy who had very clearly lost it.

"Can you drive me to y/n's?"I asked while poking my head into Matt's dark room. a small 'yea sure' being the answer as he got up from his desk.walking back into the kitchen area I was met with an angered Chris. God he was acting like such a child.

"don't ignore me,"he slightly shouted. "If I'm really a dick then there must be a reason!" my youngest brother said, looking at me soullessly.

"you literally were flirting with Ashley the other day, didn't  say anything when she insulted your girlfriend, when y/n confronted you about it you don't even care, and then when she asked you to make the very reasonable decision of either her or Ashley you get all pissed and start calling her an insane bitch, so yea I think that makes you a dick."I rambled on frustrated.

Chris didn't say anything before I walked toward the front door.or maybe he was going to but just didn't because of the situation.either way I don't think he really needed to say anything else.as I was getting my shoes on I could faintly hear Matt say "I know your my brother but if you hurt her anymore after today I'll kick your ass." which was followed up by my silence and footsteps towards Chris' room.

Matt huffed as he walked down the stairs and walked out the door to his car with me.Once we got in the car we both sighed deeply. "He's so stupid sometimes."Matt breathed out as he started the car and began to back out of the driveway.

"seriously, also we need to stop by the gas station."I replied.even though I was going to her house in order to comfort her and hopefully make her realize he's not treating her well and that she should just leave I know it would be to no avail.shes a hopeless romantic and there not much I can do about it.

✧YOUR POV

tears sprung out of my eyes like frogs with no hesitation. “Please please please let me get what I want” by deftones playing on my speaker. I looked into the mirror across from my bed as I laid on my side, locking eyes with my own reflection.I slowly picked my body up and now simply sat on my bed.still staring at myself intently.

I found myself simultaneously messing with different parts of my body and face.silently wishing they would morph to look like Ashley.she was perfect.the perfect weight,perfect skin,flawless makeup, model like hair.no wonder why Chris didn't mind her being on top of him.he probably wanted people to think that was his girlfriend.not me.why would anyone wanna be seen with me anyways.

The doorbell ringing for the second time this night broke me out of my thoughts.I slowly brought myself to my feet and dragged myself to the front door.as I opened It I was met with a sympathetic looking Nick holding a gray bag. "hey girl..."he slowly said.

I'm not sure if it was just my brain trying to distract me or what but I couldn't help but notice he had dyed his hair red again. "your hair...its not blonde anymore..."I quietly said.my words making Nick smile

"Yeah I know, just kinda felt like another change, i don't know.do you like it?"he questioned.

"I love it, looks really cool man.''I answered, tired eyes looking at him and realizing he was still outside. "oh shit sorry"I said while moving out of the way. as he stepped into my house I made eye contact with Matt who had most likely been waiting for Nick to go into my house.I waved to him with a small smile as he reciprocated through his car window.

I sighed heavily as I shut the door.remembering what happened earlier. "Okay so I got you red bull, skinny pop, oreos, mints and Lindt chocolate, oh and I got nerds for myself, you can have some though."Nick said once he walked over to my kitchen table, placing the items on said table as he listed them.I don't know how he remembers what I like to eat when I'm sad but this does happen a lot I guess.

I put my head in my hands and let out a deep breath.trying to unwind somehow.a ping was then heard from across the table.i knew it was Nick because my phone had been left upstairs. "Oh God, look who it is."Nick said as he turned his phone to face me. it was Ashley.she had sent him something on snap.

'half swipe it."I said as I made my way around the table, peering over his shoulder to see his screen.

"I don't know how."he responded, panicking.

"Just pull it from the left." I tried to explain.my help wasn't very useful though because he opened it instead. 'Are you mad at me?' read the message "is she fucking stupid.of course your mad at her?"

"She is stupid, that's why she looks like that.im just gonna say no to see what she says."the boy next to me said as he typed out 'no' followed up by 'why would I be mad at you?'.

she immediately opened the message and began typing "wow I'm surprised she opened that fast, probably cause she has no life."I snakily said as we both watched her bitmoji type.

''Oh bc of what happened with y/n the other day. 'she clarified. He was about to start typing again before she beat him to it. 'yk when she was a psycho bitch for no reason' was the next message. "psycho bitch?!oh I'll show her a psycho bitch!"I said as I shot up from my leaned over position on the counter. walking angrily towards my front door.

"y/n you are not going to fight her right now, especially not when you look like that.'' Nick reasoned as he set his phone down. "just forget about her.she's just an irrelevant cunt that has nothing better to do with her life but hate." the red-head said.

he was right.i don't know why I cared what she thought.but when I really think about it,I don't.i couldn't give less then a fuck about how she saw me.it was Chris' opinion I cared about.i wanted him to think I was beautiful, funny and kind.i wanted him to think i was perfect.i wanted him to be able to see me over Ashely.

"did Chris say anything about me?"I asked.switching topics to something more relevant in my head. The face he made when I said this made my stomach drop.Mainly because I knew how mean Chris could get at times and considering what had happened earlier tonight I don't think he said anything good.

"Do you want what he should've said or what he did say?"he asked as I made my way back to my previous placement.

"Tell me what he actually said."I answered.feeling like I was taking a leap of faith.but I knew if I wasn't told the truth then I would never have a chance of getting over this man.

"he was all like 'it went horrible, it���s not even my fault though, she’s being an inane bitch and is trying to make me choose between her and ash.she needs to get over herself.'"Nick said, mimicking Chris' voice to make it more light hearted.it was a little funny but the words made my eyes well up with tears nonetheless.

I was feeling so many different things.sadness, anger, stress but most of all betrayal.i mean he said it wasn't even his fault basically saying it was mine.my fault for being upset for a little bit.he would rather call me an insane bitch then just admit he was wrong and stop being friends with Ashley.that fat pig.

"what!?Ugh I hate him so much!!Why do I even like him?He treats me like shit,never listens and is always on top of other girls?!I don't even think I've heard him say he loves me in like 3 months!? do you think he's cheating?oh my God he probably is!"I rambled on.placing my head in my arms at the end of my words.i slowly began to sob into my own arms.once Nick heard my sobs he hugged my hunched over back.

"no don't say that.he's obviously not cheating on you."he reassured.his words didn't do much though because my cries only got louder and more emotional.my best friend ushered me up so he could hug me normally.i pulled away from the hug  once I was able to actually breath.looking up at Nick with tired, sad,eyes.thankful for him being here but also embarrassed for crying over his brother. "wanna watch a movie?" the boy sympathetically asked.i nodded a small yes before I grabbed all my snacks and headed over to the couch.

watching the movie was a good distraction for some time.but nonetheless I found myself thinking of him. how much I missed him and just wishing he was here right now.im not going to apologize though.I did nothing wrong no matter what he thinks.so if that means that we never speak again then I'm fine with that.oh who am I kidding, I'm definitely not fine with that.

✧THE NEXT DAY, SUNDAY

'come over please' and 'I miss you' were the two messages I had been staring at for at least five minutes.the sender being chris made this all the more strange and confusing.i mean he was just calling me an insane bitch yesterday and now he wants me to come over.but for some reason I caved.maybe he wanted to apologize or something.

I threw a zip up over my lace tank top and tied my gray sweatpants.sliding my crocs on as I stepped outside started walking to my car.

Once I began driving I found myself more fidgety in anticipation than what felt like ever before.fingers tapping against the steering wheel rhythmically and constant glancing at the ETA were I knew this.

As I entered the house using my key I felt anxiety rush over me.Matts keys weren't here and neither was Nick's jacket which he never leaves the house without during this time of the year.meaning that it was only the two of us in this house.

My footsteps felt heavy as I walked down to his room.something I had done many times now feeling unfamiliar.I knocked on his bedroom door lightly once I approached it. though as the door was opened I wasn't even aloud a greeting before he placed his hands on my hips and smashed his lips onto mine hungrily.i wish I could say I rejected the kiss but I couldn't.it was like he had put a spell on me.

he walked backwards as we eventually crashed onto his bed.i straddled over his lap as I deepened kiss.he swiftly flipped me over onto my back and moved me so I was sat up a little.i took the hint and unzipped my hoodie, throwing it off to the side while trying my best not to break the kiss.

he then removed my tank top.now revealing my bare chest to him "no bra huh?so you are still my slut." he said as a smirk formed on his lips.

"I was actually about to go to bed but whatever you wanna believe."I retorted.

"do you want me to fuck you or not?"he questioned, looking into my eyes.i stayed silent though.letting the wetness between my legs make my decisions. "that's what I thought."he darkly said. pale arms taking his own shirt off.toned body now all in view for me.

"you know what to do.''was my signal to take my pants off.i undid the tie on my sweats and slid them off.leaving my white laced panties on. "sit up and go on the side of the bed"he demanded.i did as he said.sitting on my knees a on the side of the bed I was closer to.he then came around to the side I was facing.once he was directly in front of me he dropped his baggy jeans and boxers at once, cock springing free.all 8 inches now stood in front of me.his pink tip leaking pre-cum.

I looked up at him innocently.as if I had never done this before.i then, on instinct, began to pump him with my hand slowly.my actions making his breath hitch.i placed my lips on the tip and began to lower my head.pace increasing every time I brought my head up.eventually his hands made their way to my hair and began to push my head into his cock roughly. "fuck just like that.keep going.use that perfect little mouth for something good for once."he harshly spat out looking down at me as he said that.i ignored his words though and continued to suck him off.

This feeling being lost on me for almost a week made my throat sting pleasurably.his grip on my hair tightened which told he was close.the signal making me go faster.if even possible.small whimpers fell from his cherry lips as I continued to work. “Oh God yes,please I’m…I’m almost there”he mumbled out, the words working as encouragement for me to keep going.then without warning I felt his cum shoot itself into my mouth.the salty savory flavor touched my taste buds as I swallowed.

Once he came down from his own high he looked down at me.i kept my eyes on his.looking up like a lost puppy. "fuck your so hot" he said as he grabbed my middle area and situated me on my back and so I was on his bed longways.once he laid down with me he whispered "sit on my lap baby"

I complied and did as he said.placing myself more on his legs then his actual lap because I knew he wouldn't be that easy. "you want me to fuck you?"he asked.i nodded 'yes' in response. looking down at him with pleading eyes even though I was on top right now. "use your words.you had so much to say before, what happened to that?"he teased.

"please chris just fuck me, ive been waiting for days!"I squealed out.thankful there was nobody else home right now. 

"good girl.."he hissed out.his words being my command to lift my hips up and hover over his cock.then without warning he thrusted up into me after lining himself up with my entrance.the sudden feeling making me yelp.he continued to buck his hips up into mine as I bounced simultaneously, placing my fingertips on his chest for some sort of stabilization.

moans that were higher pitched than my actual voice spilled out of my mouth along with swears and small pleads.my body was hot as I went up and down on him.his hands were at my waist, guiding my every move harshly. The pale boy grabbed my waist hard, making me wince at the pleasure mixed with pain.the idea that the boy who I was crying over last night was ramming himself into me right now made me feel guilty.but I can't help it.his touch is intoxicating.

my jaw fell open as pornographic noises flowed from my lips.eyes screwing shut and head being now hung low.i was so caught up in myself that I didn't even register the small whimpers coming from the boy underneath me. The noises being my key to realize he really did miss me.at least a part of me. "keep going baby, don't stop, i'm gonna-"I rambled on before being cut off by my own already familiar noises

"Me too..shit.."he whispered.

"chris fuck fuck fuuuuck"I strung out as I came undone on top of him.laying my body on his as he thrusted up into me again,chasing his own high. Whiny whimpers made their way into my ear as I felt him twitch inside of me.knowing he was close I decided to tease him a little by kissing his neck and leaving a trail of hickeys.my sensitive body not mattering at all to either of us.

"fuck baby" he groaned out as I felt his load shoot into me, coating my insides.we sat there in silence.sweaty bodies catching their breath.once we calmed ourselves he pulled me off him and situated me so I was laying on my side, facing the boy who replicated my current position."lemme get you a towel."he said before promptly getting up, putting his boxers on, and doing as he said.

When he came back and cleaned me up I couldn't help but stare at him.all his features slithering into my eyes. "Can I have a shirt?"I asked softy.not wanting to put my tank top back on because of the temperature.he only hummed an ‘mhm’ before tossing me a random black shirt with a white design on it.

"Can we talk? ''he awkwardly said as we both were now sat up and at least partially clothed. I nodded my head to signify I was listening."listen y/n im...im really sorry about earlier.i was a dick and I shouldn't have acted like that.i know you don't like Ashley and i'm totally fine with dropping her.i would rather lose her then you any day and i'm so sorry if I made you feel otherwise.a-and if your ever upset again don't be afraid to say something cause I promise I won't act like a dick again."he nervously rambled on.

I wish I had it in me to stay mad at him but I couldn't.i know this apology was just so I wouldn't leave him lonely and he would pull something stupid in a few weeks.but I can't help it.i'm in love with him and there's nothing I can do about it.

✧MONDAY MORNING

my eyes screwed shut almost immediately after they fluttered open, the bright sunlight causing this.i turned my head around to the best of my abilities to see if chris was awake and it didn't seem like it. I turned my head back and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. "you're finally awake."Chris said from behind me,startling me a little.

I hummed a small 'mhm' before trying to get up but to my dismay he pulled me back down to my previous spot. "I have to pee."I giggled.

"pee later"he mumbled, pulling me closer if possible.

"yea no thank you"I said before breaking out of his limp arms grasp and standing up to go to the bathroom.taking a mental note of my sore legs from last night.

"I see you limping!"he teased once I got into the bathroom.

"oh fuck off"I lightly shouted back.once I washed my hands I began walking towards his door, the idea of food in mind.

"Where are you going?"he asked from his now sat up place.holding himself up on his elbows.

"I'm hungry"I said while throwing on my sweatpants that had been tossed here last night.

When I got up the stairs Nick turned his head to me.shock and disappointment coated his face. "Okay I thought we agreed you hated him?"he questioned.Keeping his voice low knowing Chris was still in the house.

"ugh I know but he texted me last night and told me to come over and then one thing led to another and...look he apologized."I tried to reason.nick though, was not having any of this.i made my way over to the fridge and grabbed my strawberry smoothie from Thursday that had been left here by accident.Taking a sip from it while I turned around to face my best friend again.

"yea and he apologized last time, and the time before that, and the time before that.you have to let him go y/n.he's not good for you."Nick explained to me.I know he was right but I couldn't just get over him.I wasn't the type of person to just get over stuff like that.

"Well last night seemed genuine, okay?I seriously think he meant it.''I said before footsteps were heard coming from chris' bedroom which ended me and Nick's conversation.

Chris hugged me from behind and kissed the top of my head.nick shot me a "you need help" look and I couldn't do much besides give him a "yea I know" look back.the brothers began conversing but it was more like background music to me.

I know nick is right, he’s not good for me.but I can't help it.everytime I look into his eyes I feel like i'm sinking deeper in this pit of love I dug so long a ago for him.i hated that I loved him and how I knew he was gonna do me wrong.but with his arms wrapped around me like they were right now I can't help but leave that as a problem for future me.

[goatsandgangsters]

had a very interesting day out where I saved a hypothetical dog's life, aesthetically read in the park, and got in the middle of Strangers Arguing in my temporary new job as Patron Saint of Slackliners

first of all, gorgeous day, low 60s, bright blue sky, warm in the sun but with a refreshingly cool breeze, the trees finally have leaves again, peak Late Spring moment

I stopped at the farmer's market and didn't end up buying anything, but someone at a booth gave me a little sprig of lavender (this is a surprise tool that will help us later!)

passed by a guy squatting on the sidewalk picking up the entire contents of a dropped container of grapes, right as his friend was like "it's fine, just leave it, some dog will come by and take care of it" and I whipped around and went "GRAPES ARE SUPER TOXIC TO DOGS!!!" this is an urban area, people don't have yards, there are So Many dogs on the sidewalks, so my first task set by the universe today was sharing Dog Facts so that none of them die

I arrive at the park. I find a lovely tree to sit under. it is the most vibrantly blue-and-green day imaginable. I have my travel mug of hot tea that is only getting hotter sitting in direct sunlight. I have a sprig of lavender in my pocket. I am wearing—this is important scene setting information—high waisted secondhand wool trousers that definitely once belonged to an old man, a button down, tortoise shell glasses, and (again) a sprig of lavender. I am reading a book of oscar wilde plays. I am a parody of myself, but it's fine because I'm having a great time

and then—The Slackline Drama Begins. two people show up and start setting up a slackline near me and these other two girls who're sitting on the grass. the two girls are in the trajectory of the slackline, so the slackliners ask if they could scoot back a couple feet (or maybe they didn't even, the grass girls were like a little off to the side, so they might've just taken issue with the slacklining happening right next to them—not sure, I hadn't fully clocked into the drama yet)

in either case, the girls refuse to move and take issue with the slackliners, who explain that they're really sorry but they need a certain distance between trees and this is one of the few spots that's good for them to set up. the grass girls are like "well then maybe you should have gotten here earlier :))))))))"

important context: this park is 500 acres. it is not a small park. there is no shortage of grass to sit on. I have gotten lost in this park multiple times. it's vast.

there is a lot of back-and-forth between the slackliners and the grass girls. the one slackliner is getting very upset and angry that the grass girls won't just scoot. slackline girl has been having a rough time and hasn't been able to get outside recently and this is very clearly the final shitty-thing straw. the grass girls are immune to this and using that like...... faux-nice "girl who bullied you in middle school" Meanly Chirpy voice to keep being like "well we were here first so this is Our Spot :))))))) you can't ask people to move in public :)))))"

it has gone on long enough that's impossible to ignore, but my mental math says that jumping in and trying to mediate won't go over well, so instead I just look at upset slackline girl and say—loudly—"I'm on your side." bc I felt like if grass girls with their Faux Polite Tones knew other people were paying attention and were siding with Swearing Slackliner, that would help more

Grass Girls do, finally, get up and leave entirely (instead of just...... scooting over five feet) and they make some snide parting remarks. slackline girl calls them assholes, I loudly agree. Slackline Girl is now sobbing, her friend is comforting her, it's kinda clear she's not gonna be able to have a good time even with grass girls leaving

I go over and I'm like "hey I know you don't know me, but do you want a hug?" and the girl says yes, clings onto me crying, she's being very apologetic about the whole thing and trying to explain, and I'm like "no they were literally just sitting on the grass and there is...... So Much Grass. you are not the asshole. there's so much other grass!" I keep this up with her and the friend until she stops crying, bc like sometimes you do need an outside perspective

I go "hey.......... do you want a sprig of lavender?" and she very tearfully nods and goes "I love lavender"

again, I AM DRESSED LIKE A SNAZZY GRANDFATHER, joining this beef between strangers and doling out random sprigs of lavender

anyway, she's cheering up, so I go back to reading, they get slacklining, they end up needing to tie a line to my tree I'm reading under, I don't have a problem with this because I'm not a dick and we can share the tree, the afternoon passes, eventually it's getting a little chilly so I decide to leave and I'm thinking "okay how can I quickly grab their attention to say goodbye"

but the SECOND they see me stand up and grab my things, they're like BYE THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! and I'm like "I hope you have a good day!" and she's like "you kinda saved it" I'm full of gooey feelings about it, I genuinely want good things to happen for this person so much, and I'm glad the universe appointed me and my sprig of lavender as her cheerer-upper

in conclusion: I'm enjoying Lady Windermere's Fan so far

[sylhea-raemi]

i feel empty after going in rage last night because dear god

(cw // leaks in tags)

can the next an event please come closer i want her to realize RIGHT NOW it's been three events i'm going to cry

[lastoneout]

you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!

Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.

Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.

The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".

It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.

And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.

It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.

Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!

[kart0]

August 15th - My 22nd Birthday

Can't say it was a perfect day, or even a good day. It went pretty shitty, as it usually does. Nothing too bad, but small things added up and then I just couldn't hold myself together anymore. I've been dealing with pain in my arms for quite some time now, went to the doctor twice, and now started physical therapy. Haven't been able to draw and had to postpone some commissions which took a toll on me. Can't draw to relax, nor play games, nor cook, nor do literally anything.

My dad got mad at me for a mistake he did.

Tried to bake some cupcakes to give to my friends at uni but everything went wrong, I worked so hard on it, left my wrists burning in pain only to just fail.

My classmates sung happy birthday to me, which would've been nice if we were in a private room, instead of being in class with every single colleague of mine and even the professor. Whom which I highly dislike. It was very embarrassing and I felt weird.

I wanted to walk alone home to wind down but one of my friends insisted on walking together because it was my birthday and I shouldn't be alone, but I really needed some alone time to get myself together.

Couldn't find my favorite comfort ramen ( neoguri ) for weeks and it's been driving me crazy.

I didn't have lunch bc I was stressed with the cupcakes, only to end up deciding not to take them with me, so I was hangry and sad.

Some people I considered dear friends didn't even send me a happy birthday message, and even planned a birthday party to a different friend whose birthday is in a few days.

I was so upset, we went out for dinner and just seeing my dad made me start crying again. I didn't get to enjoy any of the food because I was crying and couldn't taste anything and that made me even more upset. And it was very painful to hold chopsticks so I ended up only having 3 slices of sashimi for dinner.

I couldn't stop crying at all and ended up sobbing for two hours straight, even though I was trying my hardest to stop. I couldn't control myself.

We went to the movies and watched Coraline, and I managed to distract myself and just pay attention to my favourite movie ever.

We got home, cut my cake and talked a bit about silly things and funny stories and that's when I finally felt content.

I think I don't really like celebrating my birthday. I don't like being the center of attention, and I create these high expectations that people will do these crazy things and love me and it'll be fun and amazing and perfect. Which obviously just makes room for disappointment.

I like the day before my birthday, and the day after my birthday, but never my birthday. I always, always get sad.

I do think it's no one's fault, tho. Just unlucky, and a coincidence. But it does make me wonder if I will ever have a good, happy birthday celebration.

Idk, I hope so. I mean, at least one, c'mon.

Anyways, I cried a bit more writing this, but I feel way better. My eyes are super puffy and sore and burning, and I'm just tired. At least I don't have classes tomorrow... I still need to wakeup early for my physiotherapy tho. Anyways. This was definitely a year... Very bad things happened, but also very good things. It balances out.

I'm happier than before and honestly, I think it's been a very long time since I've felt anywhere close to this. I'm glad I'm still here.

Hoping I will have an even greater year next.

[hopeurokays]

WENT AND SAW THE ERAS TOUR MOVIE LIKE AN HOUR AGO AND AHHHHHHHHHH. IT WAS SO GOOD (spoilers under the cut)

so my movie theater didn't have popcorn buckets bc their shipment is currently lost

but i got a cup and a poster

i planned on making like 50 bracelets but ended up only making like 20

which is good though cause pretty much nobody had bracelets to trade

i traded 1 and gave out all but 2

i don't know how people don't cry the entire concert

bc i almost cried several times during the movie so the actual concert i think would have me dead

so now im gonna go by era and discuss it

lover:

the opening made me cry

i whisper sung the beginning bc it was still kinda awkward and nobody else was singing loud

until the cruel summer bridge

then we all sung it loud

i LOVE the man and loved getting to see the things i hadn't noticed from tiktok (like the specific dance moves, etc)

the man and lover also made me cry a bit

im so upset she cut the archer

its not even my favorite song or anything but still

fearless:

iconic guitar spins 🫶🏻

everyone did the heart hands, it was so sweet

it was so cute seeing her band sing with her, they're adorable

fearless spins made me cry

love story almost made me bawl, but i held it together

i can remember being in kindergarten and saying my favorite song was love story so thinking about that made me want to sob

evermore:

THEY CUT NO BODY NO CRIME

i was so excited when i realized it was filmed

and then SHE CUT IT

anyways

marjorie made me cry

tolerate it was a materpiece (as expected)

so was champagne problems

reputation:

honestly no words

look what you made me do honestly almost made me cry

when all the other taylors were in the boxes

but still it was all soooooo good

speak now:

enchanted made me tear up

im so glad she wore the purple dress for filming

SHE CUT LONG LIVE 😭😭😭

ik it's the perfect end credit song but still

we wouldn't mind to hear it again

will forever be upset

red:

ngl 22 got me

it was the only one that made me cry

and like i cried like a baby when she gave the 22 hat

i expected it to be kobe bryant's daughter, but it still got it

i was bawling in my seat

but then the rest was really nice

i loved screaming atw

folklore:

ive never seen video of her performing the 1 all the way through and loved it

also betty made me cry

but betty was the first song off folklore id ever heard and was made me listen to her new music so it holds a special place in my heart

also there was a little girl who got up during betty and started dancing, like throwing arms above her head and everything

and she did that for most of folklore

she was a mood tbh

I CANT BELIEVE SHE CUT CARDIGAN

WHYYYYYY

1989:

none of these made me cry, i was too busy dancing lol

they were all really fun

i loved the clubs smashing the car

also i love that she wore the pink one

i just like that outfit best

surprise songs:

i can't say im surprised it was our song and yoyok

and i absolutely loved them

but i was really hoping she would find a way to put all of the songs she sung in la on there

especially you are in love

i wouldve cried and died and just stayed there forever

but yoyok made me cry during the bridge

midnights:

i LOVE the purple jacket/dress combo

kinda freaked out when i realized id have to sit beside my mom during vigilante shit...

but she didn't say anything

i loved the vibes of this era too

other/end credits:

the bracelet part was so cute and clever

and i love the fan moments/bloopers

i do kinda wish the credits would've been styled more like rep tour's was

i also loved the transitions to each era and the text for the album name

it was all really cute

and i loved how taylor was still being goofy

i was worried it wouldn't be as silly as the shows usually are

but im glad it was, it made it feel more authentic

also the quality of everything was SO good

overall i loved it and if you're debating on going just do it (im thinking about going with my friends to watch it a 2nd time...). I'd give it like 1000/10 tbh

[kiankiwi]

baby steps!

so like imagine before we like officially adopted? elvis but we’re still close with him he gets like really sick, both ends and is just a miserable and fussy baby, and like we get a call from wanda because lil e isn’t even calming down with her and we rush to the center and when he e sees us he’s immediately holding his arms out for us and is like “mama!” but he’s also still covered in puke since he refused to be bathed.

- 🖤

Oh that'd be a horrible day for Wanda! Of course she knows E still loves her and is very attached to her but this is probably the first time E gets into a "I only want my mama" mood bc at this point, he's already very attached and thinks of us as his caregiver and loves us but we're still finalizing everything and making it "official"

And just a few days before we’re his forever and vice versa, E gets super ill and just wants his mama. We rush to the center with our overnight bag so that we wouldn't even have to leave. And we don't even want to leave E ever again to be honest.

We arrive at the center and we can hear E screaming and crying and absolutely saying no to everything Wanda offers all the way from the front desk while E is all the way in his personal room. They recognize us and let us go back and we run back there and we find Wanda just bouncing a sobbing E who is obviously miserable. He is clearly sweating despite only being in a diaper, he's coughing up a storm and his nose is running so bad.

"Look who it is, El!" Wanda singsongs and we reach out to our baby and he calms down just seeing us and cuddles up to us, grabbing onto our shirt like "don't leave me."

"Mama! Icky!" Elvis cries, laying his head on our shoulder as we sway and kiss his hot shoulders and his neck. "I heard baby... it's okay, mama's here." We sit down and rock E who is now quiet except for a snotty sniffle every now and then, holding onto our hand.

We look to Wanda, "when did he last have medicine Wanda?" Wanda who's distractedly just cleaning up the toys that were strewn all over E's room.

"Uuuh, he needs another dose soon. He refused to have a bottle or any dinner so he needs something in his system before that. He refused it all. All he wanted was you." You resisted the urge to coo at E who was coughing again, trying to get all the snot out of his system. Your heart broke that he was so upset and you weren't here. In a few days when your caregiver status finalized, you vowed that would never happen again. "Hey baby, you want mama to feed you a bottle? We need to get something in your belly bubs." Elvis took a minute to search your face before hesitantly nodding. "Good bubba. We'll get you a bottle then we'll have some cuddles Does that sound good?" There was no point in bringing up his medicine yet to him until after he's got something in his system.

[triple-a-daybreak]

ok idk if anyone is gonna see this addition but re: middle school rui because i LIED when i said i wasn't gonna get into why it made me sad

it's like. a slight reprieve in what is a story that had me ugly crying but i really am thinking about just how short his time was. like he barely talked other than being like "hearing a nice to meet you from myself is weird lol" and what basically amounts to "¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯". and idk maybe i'm overthinking this but something about that made me sad

i think it reminds me of how his middle school self seemed completely disinterest in engaging with people on a personal level, save for mizuki ofc because they were both outcasts. he still wanted to delight audiences! he just wanted to do it alone. see also: nene asking him "hey i'm part of a troupe do you. wanna be in it" and rui being like "nope. it's for the best that i'm alone :) gotta blast" [It's On! Wonder Halloween Ch. 6] and him primarily "liking the view" and watching people without engaging during school festivals because he felt he couldn't [KAMIYAMA HIGH FESTIVAL! Ch. 6]

it kind of makes me think that at that point he not only accepted his loneliness as an important part of himself, but kinda...as all he was? and all he'd ever be?? like, of course he was alone. that's how he's supposed to be. he can't forget that loneliness because he, too, embodies it—but he sat with it and accepted it in a way that isolates him further and looped back around to "welp. guess this is just how it is. no point in trying now ig"

like of course he wouldn't have beef with kid rui, who was just starting to understand what he was dealing with—not just people not understanding him, but people actually thinking he was dangerous and endangering people for fun [Revival my dream Ch. 5] and therefore not just disliking but being afraid of him. it's adjacent to being treated like a monster, and that's deeply upsetting to anyone but especially an Actual Literal Child. again, no wonder he makes the active decision not to engage with people in middle school and presumably the beginning of high school (hey if Rui5 wants to give us lore on before Rui transferred... 👀).

but i think that also kind of explains why he's kind of "eh" towards the whole thing. like, yeah, it's the "i'm just gonna watch this because it seems kinda interesting" but i think it's also the lack of desire to directly engage, even with a version of him that's experiencing a future he never thought he could. i found it odd that their interaction was brief beyond "this is kinda neat :)" "yeah :)" but like. of course it was. that's just. how he is at that time. rather than rui's newfound occasional engagement, middle school rui...just doesn't. and i like that rui never tries to push him into it.

like ok if i had to tl;dr this. it's kind of like. a stab wound except i don't know how stab wounds work bc i've never been stabbed but just stick with me for the metaphor ok i don't have to

childhood rui: freshly stabbed (a lot of acute pain, wondering why high school rui seems to be in far less pain)

high school rui: has a healed wound that's left a scar (still caused pain and permanent damage; never fully forgot it but is still healing from it thanks to his friends)

middle school rui: has had a knife in his gut for so long that he got used to the pain and when people asked (which......oog bc most didn't) he was like "oh this? nah this is nothing i'm used to it" (technically it still hurts and it's still, you know, an unhealed wound, but it's one that he's accepted as permanent and thinks just. Doesn't Hurt)

for childhood rui, seeing a version of him that's healed from the wound and is seemingly acting like it never hurts anymore is like. wow ok. so you just forgot i was stabbed. fuck you i guess. and then we all know what happens. freaky friday, "this fragment sekai is my loneliness", rui having found a really precious treasure me sobbing on the floor, etc.

but for middle school rui, watching a version of him that's been freshly hurt and is realizing for the first time he is how alone he is and a version of him that still has remnants of that wound but is still visibly healing from it—making new friends, trying to engage with school festivals [insert Mizu5 story link here], and performing with others instead of alone and finding that he's happy about it and has made precious friends (do you want me to link every WxS story here lol)—is something that's intersting, but he's still kind of in this in-between where...he's disconnected from both. idk.

it kind of hurts but it makes a lot of sense to me. definitely overthinking it but character analysis is fun :)

anyway sorry this is so long i definitely have no feelings about rui kamishiro whatsoever based on the fact that i wrote several paragraphs about his bloomfes card story being fantastic and about his middle school self's, like, two total lines being lowkey sad actually. i feel Nothing for him, clearly. i do not think about him constantly. don't look at my profile picture stop that.

(jokes aside i love him he's just. he's great)

anyway i'm gonna add a link to this rb in the first post so that if people find it through the tags that they can also find this one bc this is a bulletin board with red string between the event (and also main lowkey) stories and i am rambling about it

me at the start of rui's bloomfes side story: oh these are kinda continuations of the colorfes stories to an extent :) that's cool i like that they're connected and that the colorfes stories are being referenced again :) i'm gonna watch rui's bc his bloomfes card is my favorite so far :)

me after rui's bloomfes side story: if all of these are gonna be inner child work then what if i uh. what if i uhhhh. explode

honestly rui being like "wonderlands x showtime is my miracle because of the loneliness we (as in him and his younger selves) experienced and i have never forgotten you"???? i'm not even gonna get into how that makes me feel don't even look at me

also all of the photos from childhood and middle school being cracked is like. a little too relatable for me but in a way that i don't really want to talk about in the project sekai and rui kamishiro tags

also shoutout to rui's middle school self being like "yeah i'm here too. i don't really feel one way or another i just thought this would be interesting to watch tbh" and rui being like "he's just like me fr" because when he's not actively helping he is, in fact, just observing and seeing how things unfold as someone solves their problem by themselves. I didn't even make that connection when i first read it i just really liked that part. in retrospect though middle school rui's apparent disinterest and disconnect from what's going on between young rui and hs rui. kind of hurts in its own way. BUT LET'S NOT WORRY ABOUT THAT

like god damn i just thought the card was pretty because the trained is like. look at this.

probably genuinely my favorite card of his.

but now with the extra context that untrained hits like ten times harder

also looking at the background pictures is. ough. and the fact that he's looking at the group photo from pandemonium AAAAGGHHH DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME

i know this came out like two months ago now let me live i was still getting over the salt of getting bloomfes rin twice instead of bloomfes rui and just barely not being able to spark for him and THEN forgetting to buy the lim gacha sticker vouchers before the exchange period ended okay leave me alone (/silly)

[mandoalorian]

Hi, I was the anon who asked if you could write something because I felt crappy. I didn't mean to put any pressure on you. I was just looking for something short and sweet. I'm having existential anxieties a lot (pandemic hasn't helped) and struggle feeling as if I have a purpose in life. I'm crap at everything I do. I've tried to find comfort in believing that you don't have to have a purpose but it's hard to really believe. I lost my job recently bc of the pandemic and it's been hard finding another.

Any pedro character, although my favourites are Javier, Ezra and Frankie. Don't worry if you can't write anything tonight or don't have time etc. I will be fine and you aren't responsible for any anons that ask you to cheer them up so plz don't pressure yourself. Sorry for asking :/ and being a downer.

Oh my love, this has been in my inbox for a few days now. I’m sorry I’ve only just got round to doing it. Please don’t apologise for being a downer or asking! It’s what I’m here to do :) I hope this helps ease your anxiety and makes you feel better.

Comfort Blanket [Frankie Morales x Reader]

Warnings: mentions of anxiety/descriptions of a panic attack, Frankie is a soft dumb dorky himbo

Rating: PG-13

Your cheeks were painted with your tears, and they glistened under the dull bathroom light. You thanked your lucky stars that this had happened whilst you were home alone. You couldn't deal with having to face Frankie. You knew he'd confront you about this. You knew he wouldn't understand and he'd demand answers. You were always so happy and smiley. Even the guys (Will, Ben and Santiago) said you were such a positive influence on the group. But you were only human, and as you sat against the cold tiled wall, your elbow leaning on the toilet seat, you weren't feeling very positive. You weren't feeling... anything really.

Anxiety had consumed you to the point of sickness, and it was uncalled for. You'd spent hours sobbing, holding your head in your hands and furiously tugging on your hair. It felt like you were choking. The feeling of impending doom swarming your body, drowning you. You couldn't breathe. Your chest felt tight, your vision became hazy and your mouth dried up.

Frankie was just a phone call away. He'd want to know. If you were scared or hurting, he'd want to know. You knew what your boyfriend was like. He loved you so much. But you didn't want to worry him. He'd ask what was wrong and you wouldn't be able to answer him, because you didn't even know yourself. It was pointless burdening him with this. Just for once, you had to be independent. You had to face this alone.

You hadn't even heard the front door lock click open. He'd gotten home early and you were too busy whimpering in the bathroom to hear his usual greeting, "Honey I'm home!"

The words were cheesy, and they often earned a roll of your eyes. But it was yours and Frankie's special thing— and you loved it. Frankie dropped his keys in the bowl kept on the kitchen counter and padded through your small apartment. He was confused when you weren't there to greet him the way you usually were. Sure, he had gotten home from work earlier, but you'd always run into his arms and embrace him the second he walked through the door.

Frankie padded through the living room, down the corridor, thinking you might be in the bedroom. He paused midway when he passed the bathroom, freezing in his footsteps when he overheard your cries.

He stood outside the bathroom. You'd been together for six months and Frankie had never heard you cry before. He didn't know how to approach you. He felt an anger, wanting to know exactly who and what had hurt you. The sobbing stifled for a second and Frankie breathed a sigh of relief. Until you started again. Frankie opened the door.

You looked up at your boyfriend with glazed eyes, feeling your cheeks heat up with embarrassment. He wasn't supposed to see you like this. You hid your face in the crook of your elbows with shame, muffling your sobs.

"What's wrong?" He asked hesitantly.

You let out an even louder and infuriated cry when you couldn't answer his question. You shrugged your shoulders helplessly and let your tears soak your clothes as you held your knees to your chest. "I just... I just..." you gasped for air, unable to get any words out. Frankie understood. He knew how you were feeling.

"One sec." he said, holding up a finger before bolting out of the bathroom.

He dived into your shared bedroom, fell to his knees and stretched out his arms to pull out a box that he kept under his bed. It was your bed too, and yet you had no idea he kept it there. It was a relatively small sized cardboard box, messily stuck shut with strong masking tape. He carried the box back into the bathroom and slouched down next to you. He took a deep breath and passed you the box.

"What's this?" you sniffed, letting your fingers curiously trace the tape.

"It's my panic box. Inside this box is everything I need to help me calm down when I'm anxious or upset. Open it." Frankie urged, nudging you playfully. You giggled at his touch and wiped your eyes, trying to regulate your breathing. Frankie wrapped an arm around you and held you close as you peeled away the tape.

Inside the box was an array of things. The first thing you picked out was a soft fluffy blanket. It looked old, slightly rugged, torn in the corners and even sewn up with patchwork. It had a distinct smell too. It wasn't a bad smell. You couldn't describe it. It just smelled like Frankie. You shot him a questioning look.

"This," Frankie said, taking the blanket from you and opening it up. He draped it over you both. "Is my comfort blanket from when I was a kid. It's been with me through everything. Heartbreak, death, even the times when I was upset for no apparent reason... my comfort blanket always seemed to fix things. The least I can do is share it with you." Frankie smiled sheepishly and he noticed the way your eyes sparkled in delight.

"I had no idea you kept a comfort blanket." You confessed with a shaky exhale. You relished the feeling, grabbing a fistful of the material knowing that the blanket was probably not much younger than Frankie. That the blanket had been there for him throughout everything.

"Well, I do," Frankie shrugged. "But uh— don't tell the guys."

You giggled. "Thank you for sharing this with me." you sniffed, immediately beginning to feel so much better.

"Keep digging through the box." Frankie ordered, taking your hand and rubbing comforting circles into your skin.

You nodded, reaching back into the box with your free hand. Inside was a scented candle, miscellaneous packets of candy and chocolate, an old teddy bear, and what could only resemble something you kept locked away in your nightstand drawer.

"Frankie!" you gasped, taking the device out of the box and turning to him. Your jaw had dropped and you were trying to contain a smile. "What is this? It looks like a—"

"Don't say it!" Frankie said quickly, snatching the pink device from your hands. He flicked a switch and it started buzzing. You slapped a hand over your mouth in disbelief. "I know what it looks like, okay. But it's a back massager." He pressed two more buttons and demonstrated how it changed speeds and settings.

"Frankie... I don't think—"

"It's a back massager!" Frankie exclaimed defensively, cutting you off. Once again, your dorky himbo boyfriend had you lost for words.

You burst into a fit of giggles as Frankie pressed the vibrating device into the small off your back. "Frankie stop it!" you laughed as he crawled on top of you.

"Feels nice, doesn't it?" He quizzed with a smirk. You squealed as he poked his fingers into your side, tickling you, and only making your laughter grow. You had been smiling so hard, your cheeks began to hurt. You pulled the baseball cap off Frankie's head and tossed it to one side so you could tug on his dark curls. He finally lifted off you and switched the ‘back massager’ off. "I'm glad you're smiling." Frankie admitted, pressing a soft and chaste kiss into your cheek.

"Frankie, I love you so much." You admitted, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend. He picked you up, letting the comfort blanket fall to the floor and carried you to the living room. He dropped you on the sofa and tossed you the television control.

"I love you too," he cooed, smoothing out your hair and kissing your forehead. "Why don't we have a movie night, huh? I'll order take-out and bring us a few beers in."

"Okay." you sniffed happily. As you watched Frankie wander into the kitchen, you wondered how you'd ever gotten so lucky.

You knew now that even when you felt like you had to be independent, there was nothing wrong with letting Frankie comfort you. He could make you smile and laugh like nobody else could. He knew the exact way to cheer you up whilst still being considerate and sensitive of your feelings. He loved you so much, and for as long as he was with you, you knew you'd never be alone.

[lovelytsumu]

Hey! This is probably a weird request and it's okay if you're not comfortable with writing it... But could you please write headcanons with the Miya twins and Ushijima who are dating a girl that has trust issues and needs reassurance because she experienced cheating in her family (parents)? I understand if you don't wanna write it but it would cheer me up lots! ❤️

sorry for the long waiting; this ask got lost in my inbox;; these are pretty short bc I’ve never experienced anything like this before — I hope they’re okay!

wc: 1k | trigger warning: mentions of cheating [between parents]

‧₊˚✧ ཻུ۪۪ ᵕ̈ Atsumu with an insecure s/o

you asked your boyfriend if you could stay at his home for the night.

Atsumu was like “??? why” but do you think he refuses to spend some other time with his girlfriend? absolutely no.

he asked Osamu if he could cook something for dinner, like onigiri or similars.

his brother didn’t help him, so he decided to order take-out.

when you arrived, he didn’t notice that you were sniffing and your cheeks were red.

he hugged you, but suddenly you broke down in tears.

“Fu— what happened? why are you crying?” he panicked for a moment, then, your lovely boyfriend picked you up and closed the door.

Atsumu brought you in his room, and made you sit near him on his bed.

“Hey, do you want to tell me what happened? Maybe I can help... or if you don’t want to, I’ll just stay here and hug you”

still sobbing, you asked “D-do you love me?”

he was kind of “???” (again) after that question, because he always shows his love towards you, in every way he knows.

“Sure I do, why?”

“In my family... someone didn’t love the other... as it should be...” you were about to cry again, when he wrapped you in his arms.

“Sometimes I might come off as the one who flirts with every girl he sees,but I swear that’s not true. You’re the only person I want to be with in my life” he mumbled against your shoulder.

his usual self was the one making dirty jokes when you were wearing tight shorts, so you knew he was really serious when he talked in that way.

you basically spent the night in his embrace.

“You know, you don’t have to go home if you don’t want to. You can stay here as long as ya want” he said, looking at you, with a serious face that the usual Atsumu would wear only during official games.

“I love you”

you obviously decided to stay a little bit longer at your boyfriend’s house, just to let the waters calm down.

from now on, he makes sure to shower you with affection and reassurances every time he get the chance.

‧₊˚✧ ཻུ۪۪ ᵕ̈ Osamu with an insecure s/o

when you started talking less with him, at first he thought you were busy with other stuff.

this thing was started to last more than expected.

Osamu was concerned. ngl.

so, to eventually make up for something he did and didn’t notice, he invited you at his home.

he cooked dinner!! your favourite food!!

because he’s a man and he knows how to treat a girl right.

“Thanks, it was delicious”

“Can you tell me why have you been avoiding me for two weeks?”

“Ah, it’s not because you did something that upset me... I’ve discovered a thing that I didn’t want to know”

“If you feel comfortable enough” he wasn’t going to force you.

“One of my parents cheated on the other... Sorry for not talking to you.. I-I just n-needed time” he noticed you were almost crying, so as the man he is, he picked you up and brought you to his bedroom.

he imagined that something like that could make you insecure about your relationship.

“I love you so much. I will stay with you for the rest of my life” his hugs OMG.

he cuddled with you the whole night.

���If you want to stay here also for tomorrow, we can cook something together” he asked, trying to convince you.

“Can we make onigiri? Yours are always delicious...”

confidence boost for him —

“Sure, cutie”

you fell asleep almost immediately, while he was stroking your hair.

he loves watching you sleeping. you always look so peaceful.

he slept not much later, still hugging you.

‧₊˚✧ ཻུ۪۪ ᵕ̈ Ushijima with an insecure s/o

after the ending of a match, you were looking for him.

you spotted your boyfriend near a group of fangirls, and he was holding a conversation with them.

in your mind you were obviously a bit jealous, but especially the thought of him falling for another girl—

it just hurt you only by thinking it.

“Uhm, I’m sorry for ruining your conversation, but me and Wakatoshi have some stuff to do~”

the girls left, and Ushijima stared at you like ‘what do we have to do?’

you turned your head to the side, crossing your arms.

now he was really confused— “What happened? Why are you acting like this?”

“Are you cheating on me? Or maybe looking for a better girlfriend? Those girls were all pretty and funny, maybe you’ve realised that I’m not eno—” you started your rant, a couple of tears flowing on your cheeks.

he wrapped his right arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him.

“Please, don’t say that again. I would never look for someone else. Why did you think I was?”

“About a year ago... my parents... for one of them cheating was the better solution.” you sniffled, hugging him back.

he had never thought about it, and he immediately felt guilty.

“I see. [y/n], as I said, I won’t leave you”

he doesn’t push you to talk about what happened in detail, if you’re not comfortable with it.

from now on, he promised to pay more attention, and to spend more time with you.

when you two got home, he spent the night cuddling with you.

“The next time, tell me if I do something that upsets you”

he is soft for you I MEAN—

he baby I don’t make the rules

[itscinnafox]

STORY NOTES [akafuri] : By The Next Sunrise

Because I had sooooo much fun doing this with a friend (@miss-cactus) :] (also being the first collab' work that's posted) and had a lot of messy notes and drafts, it's just so precious to me not to ramble about it >w< also plenty of fun times in just 2 and half months despite life biting my ass at the same time, totally my stress relief lol. Also, this story really isn't just some cheesy stuff for the sake of romance. It's genuine love (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु��⁾

Read the story here in AO3 Summary: On the way to his brother’s house, the spring showers had begun again. With an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world. Furihata smiled. He would find out. Perhaps by one of the next sunrises.

.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ. Rambles undercut ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ .☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.

FIRSTLY, @miss-cactus has all my gratitude ♡(ŐωŐ人) without her; AkaFuri will be stranded in France LOL! Seriously, I'll just dump them in some random village in France and just maybe not even finish this story at all even. The time she took to find me a place, translate, edits and also judging me for my description of the place LOL yep... total life saver. With her help it really motivated and inspired me a lot! She's the oil to my car............. you get the idea :] .

BONUS, she's also a translator and translated many amazing works, basically a deity, breathing life back into them. Also, she has original works too :D check 'em out, it's cute! It's in French, but they're easily translated, she's that good! (๑>◡<๑) her AO3

WEIRD FACT, I also had a short break up with my boyfriend of 7 years while writing this. LOL. I was so upset but I got motivated by the similarities, that when he asked for us back I was like 'But-but the similarities though!' but I love him....bleeegh. So I said yes, and we're better than before. YAY!

๑ Story Base ๑ The idea popped when I was listening to 'The sun after washed by spring rain' by Wang Lee Hom on a rainy day on my day off, and florist Akashi just looks so beautiful lol and the rest just came up.... and I really wanted this vibe for AkaFuri something incredibly soft and warm~ just cozy >w< huehue~

This story sets in Spring, spring here, spring there~ Spring is the breath of new life, basically Furi's story lol.

I was also aiming for this story to be short and a bit poetic...... LOL then 11k words later I just gave up and was like: well, if AkaFuri wanna romance then who are we to say no? (Akashi will shave my hair in my sleep lol)

๑ Playlist ๑ Play on Youtube The playlist is by order according to each part within the story. I really love to ramble about this since music is my inspiration for a lot of things and the vibe of the whole premise, section of their development and perspectives.

☆ 11 : 11 by Taeyeon Introducing Furihata's little sob lol and Furi's perspective. After Furihata breaks up with his girlfriend (who again, have no significant in his life what so ever), he goes through the phase on moving forward. It really isn't him moving forward with his feelings for her though, it's just him moving forward from the familiarity of being with her in his life. With her gone, he finally reconnects with who he is, like in this passage : "However, somehow with just a fling of his bag onto the island top threw him years back. He has not always been this tidy and clean." Furihata had basically lived his life to accommodate to those around him. (I wanna stress that Furi wasn't forced into a relationship or was it abusive. It was just a relationship with someone whom Furi had no infatuation for. It just so happens she wanted to date him after the wintercup, and Furi is just like 'yea ok?' but really he didn't exactly thought it through.)

So this is where Furihata moves on from the familiarity. He cries because they dated lol, but really he's just confuse.

☆ The Sun After Washed By Spring Rain by Wang Lee Hom Exactly one year after Furi's break-up. The source of this story idea lol. Also, Furi's perspective. The title and the song is literally what it meant; the sun after the spring rain which brings in new beginnings. I present you, this passage of the story: "Instead, with an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world."

☆ Reunite by Jordie Power I present you, when Akashi appeared and Furihata's crush on Akashi just awakened and go haywire LOL! In this AU, Furihata has genuine feelings for Akashi. They were long time friends, and there were even a few emphasis of their friendship through high school but because Furihata has a girlfriend and Akashi respected that (although most times, in my brain, is just Akashi crying to Kuroko LOL!)

☆ Passage by Miyano Mamoru Furihata and Akashi's similarities. The song is basically about finding yourself as you age, the experiences you go through as you age (i'm 27 and i'm still confuse lol) Even though this story focuses on Furihata a lot and little less on Akashi except for little hints here and there, Akashi was just as lost as Furihata.

Random thought (as I type this), my boyfriend had told me this before "Even though we don't need each other, and do well on our own. We have friends but it's so different. Is just something different to have someone you love around, so to an extend, I really do need you and to share everything with you, it really makes me happy." it really is something different to have someone by your side especially when you found someone. (p/s: you definitely don't need to be in a relationship to feel complete. you complete yourself okay? :3) Furi and Akashi have been in-love since high-school, they have accomplished a lot on their own but in a passage, they both felt lost and felt like something was 'empty' that was because they were still in-love, and they met each other and truly want to spend their life together and share everything.

☆ Moonlight by Miyano Mamoru Mmmmmm~ the juice. This is Akashi's perspective when he wants to romance Furihata (∗ᵕ̴᷄◡ᵕ̴᷅∗)՞ and of course, sneakily confesses to him. OH MY GOODNESS! THIS IS LITERALLY THE PART THAT I'VE BEEN DYING FOR! and wrote it sooooo many times. I wanted it steamy and a little desperate after their long pent-up-frustration unprofessed love, without making it 'explicit' kind of way. So I hope I captured it right lolol.

☆ Make Me Love You by Taeyeon Furihata's feelings towards Akashi. I was pondering on a song that would fit Furihata's pull towards Akashi and how Akashi makes him feel every time. No other songs seems to feel like then I was randomly humming to this song while I was working and this is perfect! Also, a wonderful vibe.

I think it has been emphasised a lot on how Furihata reacts to Akashi, how he blushes like crazy, how he also subconsciously wants Akashi to make him fall in love with him. Because deep down, as again, Furihata genuinely loves Akashi but he was never daring enough to do it and since Akashi had never showed any indication, so Akashi had to confess in order for Furihata to be brave enough to smack their lips together to confess too.

☆ Je Fais De Toi Mon Essentiel by Emmanuel Moire Infinitely bless @miss-cactus (and her naughty brother lol) for this! This is song is seriously sooooo beautiful ;w; I don't care if reader's don't listen to the playlist, but OH MY GOD! If nobody had listened to this, is seriously missing out. (just as a song in general is beautiful) and the lyrics are just akjsfhakjsfhaf AKASHI'S WORDS! In Akashi's perspective and the song that Akashi sang to when they were in the car, and Cactus chose the perfect line for it ;w;

This song basically concludes everything!!! From their feelings for each other since high-school and all the way until the day they die! It's basically everything I wanted this story to be about, just their pure love for one another and to share their happiness together ;w;

Also, I want to point out in regards of Furihata's decision on staying in France. It's really not just a spontaneous and reckless decision lol. As stated and shown in the story, Furihata is somewhat a successful person with a career, but Furihata has other passion and interest which he seemed to enjoy doing which is photography and Akashi notices this. Even though with a career, at a time some will have a change of heart. So if Furi wants to stay in France with Akashi, he has thought it through enough, and can afford to even live by even without Akashi's money lolol. ๑ Premises ๑ Cactus, without her, AkaFuri will be hobos. I . AM . NOT . KIDDING ! She just whip out the map of France and pin point me to everything! I didn't ask for that but her soul is made from angel clay and she showed me this beautiful town, and I am floored! I didn't feel that much motivation and inspiration before o(≧∇≦o)

So why not Paris? XD 1, I didn't want Paris, I wanted a natural, country/cottage vibe and not the city. 2, proven by Cactus, "actual paris : if you want a cup of coffee you have to give up your wife and your 2 children bc it's way too expensive" (XD actually there's more but those parts are only between us lol) 3, I want to pull Akashi from his usual portrayal of rich and luxurious life style. I mean.... he's still rich, just not lavish in that lifestyle. In here, Akashi's basically bare as a canvas, and painting it on his own. 4, I google mapped Paris.... and if anything, Akashi and Furihata will probably get run over by traffic LOLOL! 5, we hate the crowds lolol and we'd do anything to drown the citizens for AkaFuri to be alone. I'm not even gonna be discreet about this xD.

☆ Mornac-Sur-Seudre This main village, is the most beautiful town picked by Cactus. It's not so 'in the face' although not so splashed in a lot of colours (except for the oyster huts), it is a very vibrant village. We totally fell in love with it. It's quiet, and not a lot of villagers, so it's perfect for AkaFuri to have their stroll hand in hand (人 •͈ᴗ•͈) They're also very famous for their oysters LOL! So yeah..... Akashi fed Furi oysters.... because....it's yummy.... LOL! Video reference here. There's another beautiful video but I can't find it no more. ;; Other references; here, here and here.

☆ Seagull Train Furihata loves train (and so do I) and since the train exists here! WHY THE HELL NOT?! I really love writing this part! I fell in love with the department Cactus picked and everything was so perfect and beautiful. Pictures and videos of it was just so breath taking ;w; and it's a steam train! I've never ride one before, but I have been into exhibits in the train museum. The smell is amazing lol. It's like sniffing my humidifier......but bigger.

This is the train I had saw mostly from it. the 030 T 3 from 1891. It's still operational so choo-choo!!! they go!

Video reference ; here Train reference; here, here Other references; here, here, here and here.

☆ Saintes & Royan These two towns are what's closest to Mornac. I didn't have much on Royan because Saintes had a beautiful charm, so this is where they would have their wonderful date <3 and talk a little bit about their feelings.

Cactus correcting me on the description on the city as I just woke up from my sleep, is seriously a way to wake up in the morning at 5am XD LOLOL!!

There's a few churches too, and has an interesting history from the Roman empire :D really intriguing.

The bridge where they have their little confession in high-school (◡‿◡✿)

This video here, absolutely pretty!

☆ Akashi's Floristry; Fleurs d’acacia Cactus picked out the most beautiful name! "So either L’acacia (just the tree) or Fleurs d’acacia (acacia flowers)" The Acacia because it rhymes with Akashi's name : Aca - as in 'Aka' in Akashi. Ci - as in sea...because they're near the ocean. A - as in....... h(a)m because Cactus said so... and I can't even disagree because it's where Furi getting some of those..... meat....because Akashi's ham.....like his meat.......y'know..... We're very dignified ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)

The design of Akashi's 3 story shop/studio/apartment..... I really don't have any reference, it's all in the head LOLOL! Akashi basically lives in simplicity, his shop all on the ground floor, and the second floor is his art studio where paints and do whatever he wants. Finally the third floor is where he stays, it was wasn't very detailed but it's very spacious and cozy >w<!

☆ The Drive-in theatre Bruuuuuh......the confession is the thing! Akashi sneaking in his opportunity to confess. What more is there need to be said? AkaFuri : mlemlemlemlemlemlemlemlem~

Ohh~ Akashi's pretty Bentley of course.

☆ The Landes The finale of their romance ❀.(*´◡`*)❀. I think we all know what a Volkswagen van looks like LOL! And they had the funky in the van and Akashi took Jean's advice with the bamboo charcoal.

Cactus showed this pretty place and I'm just ヽ(；▽；)ノ

Of course I'd really like to say it again. Furihata's decision to stay with Akashi was really not for the sake of a 'happy ending' or so. They've had deep feelings for each other since high-school and bonded closely, but Akashi didn't show any indication of romantic interest out of respect for Furihata's relationship, and Furihata knowing nothing about Akashi's mutual feelings just kept his feelings to himself. As told by the story, Furihata has a career and stable income. But even though his life is dandy in Tokyo with his job, that doesn't mean it's something he wants to keep pursuing or maintain, as we age, we search for something else to add into our experience. Not to say that we're forever unsatisfied, it's just how life is. We accomplish something, and we move on to another thing, and then another and another. It's really something beautiful about it, and life's just us exploring :] In Akashi and Furihata's case, is that they've already have what they wanted, a life of their own, choosing their own path and what they don't have was each other and now that they've bonded and opened up themselves, they can finally pursue another beautiful life together (>*^▽^*<)

๑ Book, Night on the Galactic Railway by Kenji Miyaza ๑ This is a real book. Also, my favourite! There is an anime as well, but if anyone wants the PDF feel free to drop me a DM and I'll give it to ya'.

In here, the story of the galactic railway impacted their lives a little bit differently. With Akashi the loss of his mother and Furihata to live the last adventure before death.

It is shown they have extreme love for this book, and it really is a beautiful book and there's just endless things to talk about, as it is place in an infinite travel of the train through the galaxy, meeting new people, seeing new things, the mysteries of stories and making meaningful relationship despite never being able to see them again.

The sentiment of Giovanni and Campanella is also similar to Akashi and Furihata. Before anything else, they want to have their adventure together before eventually parting their ways (and i really mean, until death do them apart.)

๑ Other Juices ๑ There some nitty stuff that aren't just there for show xD Well, kind of but there's some sentiments and stuff so...

☆ The Sunflower Maybe because I'm bias to sunflowers LOL! But Furihata is pretty with yellow! Sunflowers with darker brown florets are absolutely beautiful. The pendent I had in mind was literally the one I had when I was a kid (but I donno it's gone now lol). I googled other sunflower pendent but it's ugleh...

It associates with the theme of this story which is 'Sunrise' as in new beginnings, Furihata's fresh start to pursuing the person he actually loves.

Sunflowers also grow towards the sun. They radiate pure joy and positivity. They also symbolise unwavering faith and unconditional love; which is AkaFuri's undying love here despite the years.

Sunflowers are also given to show their deepest to the person, so Akashi gift him a sunflower :3 also because Furi looks pretty in yellow, fight me.

In chinese myth, sunflower are best for business... So with Furi around, Akashi's business will bloom LOLOL!

Funfact: In greek myth, a nymph named Clytie fell deeply in love Apollo, god of the sun. Although Clytie was beautiful by nymph standards, Apollo did not reciprocate her feelings, or acknowledge it. (except Akashi appreciates Furi's love okay?) After days of hopeless devotion, the nymph then transformed herself into a sunflower and constantly turned towards the sun so she could always be with the one she loved (Furihata's chasing sunrises because Akashi is there ok?).

☆ The Happy Street Cats :D This is actually a real book I have, a gift by my teacher before I leave S.Korea. The passage idiom is extracted by this page as well.

The front cover of the book is also yellow.

Yellow : Sunrise + Sunflower.

There's so much yellow in this story LOL!

☆ The Movie Cactus : Idol movie Me : *internal screaming* I swear we are always soooooooo close to making this whole thing crack XD

This scene is a real brain wreck lololol. (Still contemplating if it was romantic enough)

☆ Akashi's Florist number I extracted that number from an oyster restaurant LOLOL! Thankfully Cactus changed it.... we were planning on a crack bonus in which, Furihata orders oysters before calling Akashi.

It didn't happen. But if it did.

Furihata will order some oysters. And not regret it.

*Akashi judging*

☆ French Dialogues + Akashi teaching Furihata French Bless Cactus, she's my happiness now. I have no idea how many weird noises were coming out from our mouths just to understand how the French consonant 'R' sounds like to put it into words LOL! XD Without her, it'd be a disaster.

We were looking at other romantic phrases and found the perfect one ;w;

“Je suis ton bonheur.” means "I am your happiness" (oh god, google translate voice just keeps playing in my head LOLOL! help) Which, what else can be said? LOL Akashi's happy ok? Since this story is from Furihata's perspective, I really wanted to put him into the spot of being a foreigner (he speaks english and mandarin lolol just clueless in French, because Akashi is supposed to guide him). So while Cactus work her magic, being the Akashi to my Furihata. I tried to emphasis a lot on the characters expression etc, at least to indicate of what was going on....tbh even I forgot what they were saying. *just as clueless as Furi and Cactus cackling somewhere.

Everything in here is just Cactus being amazing ;w; and pure patience LOLOL!

๑ Side Characters ๑

☆Shérine ............ We butchered the original female side. Her name was Camille.... but I was sooo tempted to name it after *coouugh* :] because it's pretty. Also her hair was blond with hazel-green eyes.... yea we buried her.

Shérine wins now... Shérine is life.

Shérine will be in their wedding.

☆Jean Kirstein (of AOT) It's JEAN! ...........someone gotta tease Akashi with no filter.

(ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ FINAL NOTES

The last section when Furihata wakes up and makes his decision, believe it or not, I was in the bus. While typing to Cactus, I was literally shaking in the bus and my eyes stung because of dust and I was in tears. I was between crying and laughing. Finished it at home ;w; Cactus was such a darling through it all.

I really had fun writing this with Cactus ;w; she's the best!!!!!!! And hopefully we'll make some crack stuff because we're hooligans like that XD.

:D BYE!

[aslibekroglu]

I want to start off by saying that this show is hilarious. The amount of times I'm losing it in my room seriously... Selim and Akgün together are a riot. "My good son, my wonderful son, my stupid son" lmao I was like, THATS ME WITH AKGÜN! MY STUPID, WONDERFUL SON THAT I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART!! The car chase lmao...Akgün being, "everything's over, they were short term feelings" and Selim threatening him with the gun when he said that lol. He won't let Akgün live in either situations.

The watch scene 😭😭😭😭. I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!! AKGÜN GETTING THE ACCEPTANCE HE'S ALWAYS WANTED!! I'm gonna start crying all over again. The chemistry between Alperen and Ali is amazing! Watching that scene a second time, it made me feel like Selim was also sort of, in a way, going to give his blessings for Akmur. Idk, what do you think?

Selim having second thoughts after seeing how devastated both were after the breakup, lol that was nice to see; how his conscience was eating him up

CanSel are just so damn adorable! Literally the cutest divorced couple ever

I'm so glad we got to see how bad the breakup was affecting Akmur. Like they didn't goes over it, I really liked that. Poor Akgün got a double whammy dealing with the breakup and photo. And my girl Yağmur!! I felt so bad for her, crying at school. Literally the worst place to have a breakdown (and oh, I WANT THOSE SELFIES!! WHERE ARE THE SELFIES?? WHERE ARE THEY???). Her happiness when Akgün called her. Legit disliked him there for 1 minute bc she was so happy to see him and him avoiding her hug. Ugggghhh Akgün

I don't care but I do not feel one bit bad for Kaan. He deserved it. Dude just killed any hopes he had of getting back with Yağmur. Not that she would get back with him but now Selim will kill him if he even looks at her

Naz & Soner!!!! (Will not complain about them getting a better edited kiss. Nope. Nuh-uh. I will not be one of those fans. Just kidding, I complained but like for a minute)

Yesss!!! I'm so glad the Bedri thing came back to Yağmur. I want to see mom and daughter take him down. If anybody can do it, it's them two. Especially Yağmur, like she said, she won't rest until she exposes him

Oh and Soner being the bestest friend ever!?!? He was serious when he said he doesn't forget the good things people do for him. He was on Akgün watch all day lol. I want more scenes of him and Akgün just being roommates

Anyways, some people are thinking that Selim and Akgün have something up their sleeve after that last shared look. Idk and honestly I'm just here for the ride. No theorizing for me lol

Tbh this show is so damn funny. And emotional. And dramatic. And romantic. There’s so many good parts about it, it’s just great. Akgün and Selim’s scenes at the police station and during the car chase absolutely cRACKED me up!!! And then the scene with the watch absolutely WRECKED me. Seeing Akgün get that acceptance he’s been looking for meant soooooo much! Alperen did such an amazing job in that scene. I was just a sobbing mess watching it. But, yeah when I first watched it the first thing that came to my mind was, is this watch meant to symbolize yağmur, is he giving his blessing, is he finally okay with them being together???? And idk, I’m excited to see how Selim treats them next episode, it’s going to be interesting seeing this development now that he’s really accepted Akgün . And as much as I loved seeing Selim feel bad about Yağmur hurting (that heart to heart they had in the garden was so so good), I just loved seeing how guilty he felt about Akgün. Like those moments when Selim was complaining about him and Canan was just like please, you know you love him and you know you feel guilty. Or when Akgün mentioned how they just can’t seem to separate, like no matter how mad he gets at Akgün, they’re bonded for life, they can’t get rid of each other!!!

Cansel was absolutely adorable, I really feel like it’s just a matter of time before they really do start dating again and I can’t waittttttt! Now, the Akmur fight. I was genuinely so mad at Akgün in that moment. He was breaching that type of jealousy that I hate in these dizis, that possessive, controlling type and I just hope they don’t really continue on that path. I so badly wanted him to apologize for it and they just made it seem like him beating up Kaan was enough and it wasn’t. I was proud of how she stood up to him in that moment, but the fact that Yağmur didn’t really make him answer for it kind of upset me. And in regards to the whole Kaan thing, what Akgün said was basically in the same vein of what Kaan was saying. Sure what Kaan said was a bit more extreme, implied something worse than what Akgün said, and was more insulting. And Akgün’s statement was more so based on just jealousy and the ‘ex-boyfriend’ of it all (plus him still being angry about the marriage situation) while Kaan’s was more so basic slut shaming, but it’s all the same ‘you can’t touch any other man while we’re together’ foolishness and it’s just gross. That being said, as much as I hated what the actual akmur fight was about, I LOVED the scene. Like idk what it was about it, but Alperen and Hafsanur’s chemistry and was on point in that scene. Between Yağmur just yelling at this brick wall that is a jealous Akgün and just being so done with Akgün’s low ass emotional iq, and Akgün only being able to focus on her calling Kaan her ex-boyfriend, that scene is just great!!!

Speaking of that scene, on youtube there were a bunch of comments saying like oh is this akgün and yagmur that we’re watching or canan and selim or wow akmur has really turned into cansel. And I just find it so interesting. I mean there have been examples in other episodes, but in this episode in particular they showed how similar the two couples are. Like of course it’s been brought up before how Akgün and Selim had similar upbringings, how Selim sees himself in Akgün. And in 14, you could see Yağmur following in similar footsteps as Canan, sacrificing herself for love. But in this episode they like specifically called it out multiple times. Idk it’s interesting. I wonder what they’re trying to say with that or where they’re going with it.

But that scene with Yağmur and Akgün when they’re talking about his brother legitimately made me cry. The way she is always teaching him to hope and dream just makes me so emotional. She is so fucking good for him, i can’t believe it.

Oh yeah, and as much as I love Akgün and Selim living together, I am so excited to see Akgün and Soner as roommates!! I adore their friendship so so much. Seeing how concerned Soner was for Akgün and seeing him constantly watch over him was so nice. And I loved Naz and Soner’s kiss it was so sweet. I saw a comment somewhere about how Soner did what it took Akgün 13 episodes to do lmaooooo honestly Soner made his mooooove!!

[pink-dainty-angels]

a looooooong thing of abunch of info

im missing vacation with my bf so much :[ its like getting a taste of living with him and i ended up crying a couple times bc i was on my period the entire time and im quite emotional on my period (i just get real sad) and i was sooooobbing in the shower one day and couldnt stop even as i got out of the shower and he noticed i was gone for a while. so he walks in the bathroom to see what im up too and its just me butt ass naked crying with a beat red face while picking out my pad and he looks at me with a sparkle in his eyes and just hugs and rubs all over me and asks me whats wrong and im like "i don't know ;-;" and hes like aw baby and i think he ended up telling me i looked cute and stuff to make me feel better💜 hes just lovely bc hes just their for support, doesnt try to fix things or give unnecessary advice. he rubs my back, kisses my forehead and lets me cry things out on his shoulder:< ive also let him know that sometimes i just need to cry because i have a past with self harming, he knows thats how i used to cope with everything and it was impulsive alot of the time and i also did it everywhere i went for any bad emotions i felt so he makes sure to be soft with me and give me time to process my thoughts bc when im upset now that i dont sh anymore, my emotions are alot and i just end up sobbing bc theirs not much more i can do, sometimes i even think abt how i could easily sh and the only thing thats holding me back is myself physically but honey bear knows and i dont what him to see that side of me or have that challenge in our relationship. i dont want to cut myself when i with him because it would change alot and i dont wanna see him disappointed in me like that when hes told me hes their for me if i have those feelings. i always think abt us bc hes my actual soulmate, hes always been the other half of me. in school we were a duo and everyone wanted us to date, i turned him down a couple times but ge kept coming back and don't get me wrong, i loved him then, i wanted to be with him so bad but at that time i had my sh struggle and i knew it wouldn't end up well if i said yes so i told him i really liked him but not right now and oooo boy did he wait for me. never looked in another girls direction, in fact hes pretty scared of women but me :> im his first everything and i love how he loves me :> i love how we are so aligned in what we want, we had equally shit childhoods where we saw no love in our households and we never want that so we communicate and makes sure to love on each other and tell each other how cute the other persons tummy is^_^ btw ive known my daddy for 10+yrs now and thats a long time of ignoring feelings and love someone :>

that was alot but i miss him and this is my blog so shush :<

[idunlikegirilikebah]

Blez: Zen, but then she falls in love with V and kinda forgets about him a little when the V route is released. She’s kinda lazy when it comes to the four days before each route, missing a bunch of chatrooms. Before she branches the path she usually replays a few to get the person she wants. Her first party she didn’t invite any guests (she was gonna wait until right before the party to answer all the emails but accidentally entered the party anyway). Was PISSED about the secret ends. She fell even more in love with V at that time.

Blee: She gained interest in Mystic Messenger from Tuesday and Cecilia through osmosis. She probably got a lot of bad endings for neglecting the chat rooms. (Stupid Blee, not adjusting her sleeping schedule for the RFA.) But once she started taking the game seriously, she tried to romance 707 even though she was in casual mode. She ended up going on Jaehee’s route instead, and she fell in lurv. Later on, when she FINALLY unlocked deep story mode, she went on 707’s route and fell in lurv with him too. She’s so conflicted about this. Help her.

Tuesday: She was the first among the Gen1 gang to play Mystic Messenger. She literally only downloaded it to romance Jaehee, but she ended up becoming Mystic Messenger trash instead. She sets alarms so she can get all the chat rooms without spending hourglasses. Whenever a chat room is unlocked, she drops EVERYTHING she’s doing to complete it. She cried like a bitch when V’s route was revealed. Also, Jumin is her husbando. (existential crisis intensifies)

Cecilia: Of course, Cecilia was the first to hear about Mystic Messenger from Tuesday. She was constantly bombarded with screenshot and fan art, but mostly, she only pretended to care cause that’s what good girlfriends do? Tuesday finally convinced Celie to download the game. However, the fILE WAS TOO BIG. “Just delete some stuff from your phone,” Tuesday insisted. Once Cecilia finally got it downloaded she skipped through the prologue without much thought, telling Tues it was okay. As she completed more chat rooms, though, she came to realize that it was pretty interesting. She didn’t give much thought to her choices in the game, and ended up getting Yoosung. She considered deleting the game at this point, because Yoosung definitely wasn’t her first choice. Then she got the feelins for him. How could she not? He’s such a sweet little gaming college student. She missed chat rooms sometimes, but never spent her hearts or hourglasses. She’s a HOARDER. As time went on, she began to fall in love with the one character without a route: Unknown.

Clay: “uuuuuuuu mystic messenger is GHEY”

Zenn: It was love at first sight for him. Yoosung was just so precious, he told himself that he would never love any other character more than him. (Especially not Seven. I mean, he’s the most popular character. Seven was too mainstream for him.) However, when he did Seven’s route he was completely and totally in love. He loved how energetic and happy he was, his depth of character later on in the route. Honestly, he found that out of all the characters, Seven was the most relatable. He replays Seven’s Christmas and Valentine’s Day content a lot. When he plays another route, he can’t help but get hearts from Seven. (“ugh i need to play his route again after this”) He spends a fuckton of money on hourglasses because he HAS to be in every single chat room no matter what. Has the after endings, Valentine’s Day content, and all the dlc for every character. Tried doing the bad endings but couldn’t bring himself to go through with them. (except for the bad ending in the christmas dlc)

Jase: Jase don't have a favorite he doesn't like the game. He got like two bad endings before he decided that he didn’t like it. “Why don’t you like the game, jase?” “i keep getting bad endings, therefore it’s trash” ��did you play at least half of the chat rooms?” “nah” “did you get a lot of hearts from the character you were trying to get?” “nah, i kept breaking them” “did you get at least 10 people to come to the party?” “nah” “well, maybe if you gave it another chance--” “NAH”

Jess: She enjoys talking to Jumin a lot (are we sure the people in this app are fake? She cries) She wastes no time in finishing Zen’ route (which was who she got first), stashing her hourglasses and buying the deep route stories to see her husband. She finishes Jumin’s and feels empty inside. Literally cries to Sacra about her fake husband. “It’s not fair,” she sniffles, “he just needed someone to be there for him and understand. HE’S NOT A ROBOT HE HAS EMOTIONS TO-” “jess…. I’M TRYING TO SLEEP” She decides to take her mind off of Jumin and plays Seven’s route. She’s not too interested in him, thinks he’s a little annoying. She becomes interested in Vanderwood, however. Even more so during the Secret endings. By the end of it she’s left clutching her phone, emailing cheritz the same sentence over and over. “I NEED A VANDERWOOD ROUTE”

Danny: Danny does not wish to play because “that would make him gaayyy”

Sacra: Started playing way later than everyone else. His goal is to get all the endings. (WOO!) Wonders if he’s technically catfishing the RFA, and is amused by the thought. He didn’t aim for anyone’s route in particular, and ended up getting Zen. Hasn’t even played the other routes yet, but he’s already claimed Zen as his husbando. Gets really invested in the plot line for Zen’s route, literally cries to Jess when Zen gets depressed after Echo Girl’s false accusations. “I’m just so worried about him, you know? HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS.” And Jess just pats him on the head. Poor Saccles.

Kael: Jumin, because he’s hot and likes cats. What more could he possibly want?

Atlas: (shrug emoji) He don't play the vidya.

Blythe: Yoosung’s her fave, but she wishes he’d stop talking about Rika. Every time Yoosung does that, she’s like “(grumbles) if you miss her so much why don’t you just marry her?? fuckin Yoosung (picks the nice and supportive option)”. Gets extremely upset if she breaks anyone’s heart, even if she doesn’t like the character. “YOOSUNG NO. I DIDN’T MEAN THAT ABOUT RIKA (dies)” Selected the wrong options for most of the emails on her first run and barely got ten before the party.

Sparrow: Sparrow loves Yoosung because she's creepy and she always goes for the young, innocent ones. She completed every route in a week because she bought hourglasses for the 24 hour thing. She obviously completes the emails quickly, but she usually only just barely gets about ten guests.

Jax: Team Honey Buddha and PhD Pepper? *sits in a corner staring into seven's eyes* He loves both Seven and Unknown by the time he finishes the game, however. Frequently checks to see if there's a new chatroom when he's awake, and when one opens, he drops what he's doing to complete it. Sometimes uses hourglasses to unlock them for the next 24 hours. Sleeps with a 707 body pillow.

Kiro: Zen. Hottest Hari plus hottest RFA member equals… happiness? YES. Answers emails immediately after getting them, and never needs to look up walkthroughs to get those guests to come to the party. (Except for monogamy. He didn’t suggest they buy handcuffs for their girlfriend. WHO DOES THAT???) Gets THE FEELS like nobody’s business when he gets that phone call from Zen on day 9, where Zen talks about marriage and how Zen had imagined what their child would look like.

Enzo: fuck I don't want enzo to like any of them. It's like… he contaminates them with his… enzo… ness. I can't see him liking Jaehee, Jumin or seven. *sobs* he's a V man. He also has a thing for Jumin’s father, Chairman Han.

Armelle: She didn't like any of those fucks. She wishes there was a Glam Choi route.

Elodie: She starts the game and thinks Zen is super cute. However, as she’s playing, she feels bad for Jaehee and how hard she works, and ends up getting her route first. Hates Jumin with an undying passion because of it. She also gets more feelings for Zen because of Jaehee’s route, and plays his next. Literally apologizes to Jaehee out loud when she gets close to Zen. She tries really hard to save hourglasses but when she sees she missed a chat that Zen or Jaehee was in, she can’t control herself.

Bodford: His fave does not have a route. It’s the omelette Yoosung made. And omelette Yoosung too. He plays the April Fools dlc over and over so he can see his love and protect him from pigeons. Now, if only there was porridge in the game…

Dex: “ECHO GIRL ROUTE WHEN?” Doesn’t like the game, but he’s petty as fuck. He went on a campaign and sent spoilers to the rest of the cast until he got blocked by everyone. Except Tuesday. “Hey Tuesday, [SPOILER]” “wut. I already know that lolol.” “But what about [SPOILER]” “I completed Seven’s route four months ago” “V gets a route in august” “wtf that’s not a spoiler. That’s official news. You’re annoying, i’m blocking you”

Michael: *cries late at night bc Yoosung and Jumin aren't real* *i mean I lOVE YOU ZENN* Nah but for real if Jumin or Yoosung were real he would leave Zenn. Was one of the first to buy the newly released body pillow covers (Jumin’s of course), and bought Zenn the 707 one as a gift. They share custody of the emoji pillows. Michael keeps up with the chats. He barely ever misses any of them

Ursa: (squees about Yoosung with her girlfriend Blythe)

Johnny: Only downloaded Mystic Messenger because Tuesday kept crying over these fictional Korean men and wanted to see what the deal was. Oh boy. He loves the April Fools dlc okay. Tells everyone Jaehee is his favorite, but it’s really Unknown. He got the prologue bad ending right off the bat, and it was love at first sight. Made a squee of joy when Unknown called him cute. Got Unknown’s phone call in the Christmas dlc, and was like “wow I love Christmas now”. Johnny is a gayboy