#soany different narratives.. it's like listening to a million voice choir that stays in my head even when i put down the phone
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Long emotional rant in the tags because i'm mobile and can't put in a cut
cw death mention and general heaviness
#monster noises#sure wish i lived in an emotionally and physically reassuring space#where i felt safe to express my fear and be comforted by someone who actually cares about me#wish i could live in that space at the very least socially#but my family is either distant or frustrating#and my friends are Also either distant or i'm convinced they hate me#and if they don't already they will soon#and I can't get over myself enough to own up to how i feel#because then i break the surface tension and loose all control#and that would be all fine and dandy were i alone#or at my dads#or anything#but no.#i'm still here.#where i need to keep my head up because if i let myself slip i have someone waiting in the wings to just Kick me while i'm down#and i just don't want to take it anymore#and i'm tired of the way people talk about what's happening#soany different narratives.. it's like listening to a million voice choir that stays in my head even when i put down the phone#singing the song of my destruction#i'm convinced i'm going to catch this disease and die or not be able to get food and die or grow so isolated in this musty dungeon i die#and i want to curl up and cry about it#but as it has ever been i CAN'T i'm not ALLOWED#fuck this world and fuck the long string of historical shit stains that brought us to this point and want us to keep on this path even now#and FUCK...just..... fuck
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