#so you're welcome to imagine Harry as protag and Louis as editor

[homosociallyyours]

OK so I saw this post (about the woman who kissed a stranger in front of the Eiffel tower and other places) and really REALLY needed to write up a rom-com plot for it. At first I thought I was going to actually make a heterosexual romance happen, but it became immediately clear that I am fully incapable of that. This is long, but if you love romantic comedies I think it’s a fucking delight. 

If someone out there makes movies and wants to make this, lmk. I’ll say yes. 

So we start out in flashback with the woman waiting at the airport with her group of friends. They’re headed on a trip to Europe to celebrate graduation, and they’re all talking about what a great time they’re going to have but they’ll miss their boyfriends etc, except for one girl who’s like “Well I don’t have anyone to miss, so :P” and her friends are like OK FINE, we dare you to find a guy to kiss you every city we visit in Europe. She sort of shrugs bc that’s not really so interesting, but then one of her friends offers that she should find a guy to kiss her in front of a bunch of famous places, super romantically, while her friends take a picture. She’s in. 

We zoom through the trip with the focus on her taking on this dare. She immediately has a lot of success in asking, and it definitely makes her bolder. She shares her first kiss with someone with Big Ben in the background. Then Stonehenge. The Eiffel Tower. etc etc. They’re back on the plane and she’s looking at photos on her friend’s camera. Her friend is next to her and remarks that she can’t believe the girl actually went through with all those kisses from strangers. She asks if the girl is glad it’s over, says something like, “I just bet when we get home you’ll find Mr. Right.” The girl gets a far off look in her eyes, says, “maybe so.” 

Jump forward to present day with a X number of years later, probably 13 years bc 35 is that kind of age, but honestly more would be better. The scene is a wedding, and a woman who looks a lot like the girl is standing at an outdoor altar with candles all around and a flower arch. It’s dusk. She’s being asked if she takes this man when someone yells “FIRE” and the flower arch is burning and there’s screaming and you can hear the sirens of the firetrucks off in the distance. They put the fire out, and we see an older woman (who’s actually our girl) approach one of them. Her friend stands behind her with her camera ready. She taps a fire fighter on the shoulder and asks if he’ll kiss her through the window of the fire truck. He looks bashful and first but accepts, and the friend gets the picture. The woman who’s getting married sees it and storms over and is like, “Cousin protag, if you staged a fire so you could get one of your stupid kisses I’m going to jail for murder on my wedding day and I won’t even care.” (She did NOT stage it, but she takes her opportunities when they come)

So this woman comes over and is like...excuse me, what the fuck was she talking about? I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but she was yelling and accusing you of setting her wedding on fire and you didn’t think that was weird. So they + her friend leave the wedding and go to a diner where they sit in their fancy dresses and talk about the project that’s defined this woman’s life. She’s kissed hundreds of guys now. Her friend still documents most of them, but she’s had stand ins over the years. The new woman is scrolling through all these pictures and is like, where are all these guys now? What are they doing? Do you talk to them? Do you ever think about them? 

And the protag kind of shrugs, bc...no? Not really? But her friend is like, “you would think she’d have found The One, right? After kissing all these guys? But it’s just-- kiss, NOTHING, kiss, NOTHING.” And she’s clearly sad about it, she really wanted her friend to have a magical moment where she kissed a stranger and fell right in love. But the new woman is like, that’s not how love really works though, it takes time, getting to know someone, etc. And what if one of them is thinking of you? 

They get to talking more and the new woman is an editor (or reality tv producer?) and she thinks this could be a great book, especially if they can use social media to launch it. She’s very convincing and the protag decides to go along. 

So they’re working together-- the friend is helping too --posting the photos one by one and tagging them and getting them noticed. It actually doesn’t take long before the story kind of blows up, and that’s when she gets the first message from one of her kisses. The editor is like, “this is our angle--you meet them again, all of them at once. At a big party like an old romantic royal ball. And you talk with them and then get to know them and maybe you really do find someone you’re excited about.” 

She starts getting more responses, enough that someone actually has to help her go through everything. Some people are just trying to get famous, since this is taking off media-wise. She finds that she can often recognize them even if they only did share one kiss years ago. There’s something comforting about it, like maybe she WILL fall for one of them if they meant enough for her to remember them. But as the number of guys found grows, she gets less and less hopeful. If anything, she’s filled with dread. She liked collecting their kisses like souvenirs more than she liked the idea of falling for one of them. 

She has a heart to heart with her friend where she kind of laments not feeling anything, and the friend asks her how the kisses compared with guys she’s kissed while dating, and she confesses that it’s the same level of heat, the same non-spark. She liked those guys as people, and she doesn’t regret any of her relationships, but there’s not really anything huge that she feels. Her friend has a lot of sympathy but not a ton of empathy; she’s never been in this kind of situation. She asks if protag was attracted to any of the guys, like physically, and protag says “they were all really attractive,” like she’s stating a fact. Because they were conventionally handsome and she’s conventionally pretty and that’s what works, right? Her friend gives a sort of half-hearted yeah, because...not really? But she doesn’t know how to put it. 

Friend talks to new woman about the talk she’s just had with protag, and we see a light go on in her head. Like something is clicking into place. And she has a hunch about it but she can’t really spill it to friend. She drives to protag’s house and they go sit on the couch and protag is confused about why new woman is there and looking kind of upset. They’re good friends now and it worries her. Protag doesn’t expect it when the woman asks her if she’s ever kissed a woman. She says no, then as she’s asking why the woman asks if they could kiss. Just to see something. And protag has never been asked if she wants to be kissed, let alone by another woman-- that just doesn’t happen to her. 

They kiss and it’s immediately clear that there’s something different about it for protag. Her body language shifts; she’s somehow less comfortable with this kiss and more at home with it. When they break the kiss she looks dazed, opening her eyes (she usually keeps them open? but they just closed on their own this time) and staring back at the woman who kissed her, looking at her lips, thinking about doing it again but surprised that she’s thinking it. The woman asks her how it was. “Different.” Asks her if she wants to do it again. “Definitely.” Protag initiates it this time. 

So the next day protag is freaking out big time. Because maybe she’s gay? Apparently? She’s always thought other women just exaggerated their feelings for their boyfriends. But it turns out no, they were being real. And she’s just never felt that before. She’s kinda worried it’s all tied up with this new woman, though, so she calls her friend and convinces her to go along to a gay bar that night. She’s never had trouble finding someone to kiss in any other circumstance; she figures she’ll just kiss a few women and make sure this isn’t a fluke. 

The gay bar is 1) mostly gay men and 2) nothing like her vacation experiences. She tries walking up to the first woman she sees and gets a dirty look followed by “I’m with my girlfriend.” It takes her several tries before she finds someone to kiss, and when she does she finds that she does like it more, but not as much as she liked her kiss the previous night. Her friend takes a picture anyway (since that’s what she always does) and the woman protag has just kissed gets upset and offended, accusing protag of being a straight woman kissing a lesbian for attention. 

Protag leaves with friend and drops her off, friend apologizing a lot. Protag drives to editor’s house and knocks on her door and when she opens it she just asks “Can I?” and editor nods and they’re kissing and it’s a lot but it’s exciting, she’s totally wrapped up in it. Editor slows her down, tries to say she wasn’t trying to start something with the kiss. Protag is hurt and feels rejected. She leaves without hearing anything else. Decides to try to avoid editor as much as possible and go on with the stupid fancy party with all the men she’s kissed. Maybe she was wrong anyway. Maybe she just needs to try harder. 

Editor knows she fucked up and calls the friend to tell her everything. Friend realizes that Protag was trying to see if she was into the editor and says she has a plan. They’re gonna make this work.

So it’s the party and the whole thing is gorgeous. The place is set up with photo areas that look like famous locations that you can kiss in front of. Plus everyone who’s single is wearing a kissy lip pin on their outfit so you know they would like to be kissed. The protag looks great but she’s also kind of grim, just there to get it done. She gets to the party and everyone cheers, she’s going to give a toast later and talk about a release date for her book etc etc, but first she’s supposed to mingle and do some kisses. A few men come up to her right away. She remembers most of them, and it’s weird seeing them but kind of fun too? She didn’t think they’d ever really meet again. 

She sees one of her first kisses and he’s really excited and asks if they can kiss again, says he’s always wondered if she was “the one who got away” and she feels excited about it, like maybe it’s fate and this is it and he’s the one. They go to the spot that looks like where they kissed and just go for it. It’s everything a good kiss should be, by looks. When they break apart, the guy has this hopeful look in his eye and Protag justs puts her hand on his shoulder and thanks him and shakes her head very gently before walking off. Because he did feel something and she didn’t. 

Protag isn’t thinking about where she’s going, just walking away, when a hand on her shoulder stops her. She turns and there’s the editor, looking amazing and smiling at her and she’s confused for a half second before the editor takes her hand and leads her over to one of the kiss areas. The friend is waiting with the camera. Editor leans in and kisses Protag and it’s fireworks all over again. Such a good kiss. When they pull apart Protag looks in Editor’s eyes and waits for confirmation that this is what they really both want. Editor moves both of them slowly into the next backdrop. “I want to be one who kisses you in front of monuments. I want to replace every photo you have with one of us kissing if we can. Can we?” Protag says yes and everyone cheers because it’s really sweet and beautiful!! Friend snaps pictures. 

This time when we flash forward to a wedding, it’s for the Protag and Editor. They’re standing in front of (dramatic monument) as they say I do. 

Author’s note: the more I think about it the more I realize the editor should be a producer (maybe) who wants the protag to do a reality show. Or basically just something else (literary agent? promoter? IDK)