#so you never know which version of me you're gonna get lol

[yanderenightmare]

Do you normally get any 'ew, you're disgusting' shit in your inbox? I just now posted my first incest fic and got one like 'i hope you don't have any siblings lalala'. Prior to that, I was like "how do these authors go untouched by antis?" but then I realised that it was a tad bit naive of me lol. I was going to respond with a taunt but decided to just delete it because it wasn't worth the effort.

Are they frequent and are they easy to ignore?

Good question! I was actually going to make a post on this, as others have asked me the same thing, so here we go!

♡ Personal experience!

I get my fair share of hate from time to time—more often when I publish things that are more taboo than other excepted things—for example, like you say, incest, as well as bestiality, wide age gap, born-sexy-yesterday readers, etc.

It's an odd thing, as haters will often accept the fact that I write rape for titillation but will take issue with these other tropes. But anyway, we can talk about the nonsensical opinions of haters all day, but it wouldn't really do us any good.

So, here's my advice.

♡ First off, accept that haters are gonna hate!

Some people won't like what you write. And that's fine. The problem is that they feel the need to tell you that—at which point, you'll just have to console yourself by telling yourself that no decent person would be rude to a total stranger whom they don't know the first thing about and, therefore, whatever they have to say warrants neither second thought nor reply.

With that being said, however...

♡ You gotta do what feels right!

Engage or don't engage, do what you need to feel at peace. Sure, you can be the so-called bigger man and ignore all the meanies, but you absolutely don't have to!

Of course, we can be cool as cucumbers and say, "Not worth the effort," but who are we kidding? This is Tumblr, and you're allowed to rant when you want in whatever manner you want!

So, if you feel you gotta bite back to maintain your sanity, then that's what you should!

However, I do believe there's a way to go about it!

♡ Never go to bed angry!

This is my personal advice, but if you ever choose to acknowledge hate or critique, do so with tact and with based and factual arguments instead of slinging heated insults in return.

This way, you walk away from the fight feeling good about what you've said and not worse off than before. In other words, don't stoop down to their level.

I actually feel in many ways that answering hate can be rather therapeutic this way, as you've succesfully turned something negative into soemthing positive!

♡ The difference between hate and critique!

Actually doesn't matter. You're not really obligated to answer either if you don't want to.

But for the sake of differentiating the two: "Ew, you're disgusting" is hateful slander, but "Incest is wrong, and you're actively condoning it by writing what you write" is a genuine critique.

And it bears repeating, you don't have to address either because you don't owe anyone anything.

People are entiteld to their opnions just as much as you're free to disagree, and ignore if you want!

But something I've found is that explaining it to those who don't understand why we write such things, and furthermore why people want to read it without being interested in such things in real life, is actually quite a rewarding thing to do!

And by that, I mean it might make your critics and haters understand and rethink their comments, but it can also help your existing fans deal with their own similar self-loathing, and lastly, it's even great for your own mental health for when you yourself doubt your own mental standing!

Personally, in regard to the example I used above, when I get hit with the "you're condoning this and that" I just play the argument that those who play violent videogames aren't condoning the killing carried out by their avatar. Naturally, when roleplaying a fictional version of ourselves, we're not actually playing as ourselves.

Some people have a very hard time understanding this for some reason.

But anyway, moving on.

♡ Final advice!

Ignore and delete any and all the dumb, off-handed comments you feel like. If and when you want, return their rudeness with a cheeky smile and a slap on their ass. Be as cordial as you can be but as sassy as you feel you must—like an aged Queen who drinks her fair share of likewise wine.

But whatever you do, don't ever make things personal!

Though that's also my personal advice. I think, by making personal attacks, you're not being factual anymore, and you'll only feel worse for it. And by personal attacks, I mean calling people ignorant, dumb, awful, etc. You can, of course, say that their chosen words were in ill taste, but going after them themselves won't make you feel better. So, I'd suggest avoiding it.

Anyway, hope this helps!

[vasattope]

Thank you @honeyedlashton for tagging me to do this fun game 🥰

It's pretty long so you'll find it under the cut!

APPEARANCE

i am over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES/TALENTS

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETIC

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISCELLANEOUS

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

I'm tagging @1loulu5 @allyouhadtodowasstaay and @youdontgotoparties if you feel like it 💜

[pyramid-of-starrs]

Stretch you out

Pairing: Gym Trainer Yeosang x gn!reader

Word count: 1.4K

Warning: Unprotected sex (make sure you are safe besties), vaginal sex, dry humping kinda??, sub reader, kinda pwp

A/N: I honest can just see Yeo being a gym trainer that you tell your friends you wanna fuck tbh lol. It's just something short and fun to give yall!

"C'mon, you can do it, a little more for me."

"Ahh~ please no more Yeo, you're gonna break me." You said between your battered moaning.

"No I'm not, you can handle it." he giggled as he watched you struggle. Two things were going on right now that caused you to struggle at this moment.

Number one, Yeosang, your unforgiving trainer decided to call you out on your excuses today. You always quit the routines he would give you mid-way saying your body felt tight and that you forgot to stretch at home. Him being a sweetheart he didn't want to overwork you and risk you pulling something so he always let you bail out, however today he offered to help stretch you out and wouldn't take no for an answer. You arrived at his gym prepared to be worked out to high hell today, thank god you got private sessions so no one else would be there to watch you suffer. At first, the stretching was pretty standard and not that bad, you actually felt your body loosening up, he then instructed you to lay on your back so he could stretch your legs, thighs, and glutes. Your heart raced a bit thinking about your sexy and buff trainer gripping your legs and ass but you refrained from thinking too much about it to keep a professional vibe. Feeling Yeosang palm your ass like a basketball made you feel hot inside and you couldn't help but let out small "Fuck"s and whimpers as he shifted your legs in various positions

The thought of him flipping you around with ease while he fucked you turned you on so much, maybe too much because you started to feel your pussy tingle as it got wetter the more he touched you. You looked down to see Yeo sweating from moving you around, the sweat made those huge biceps of his glisten and of course, he chose to wear a sleeveless Nike compression shirt today and his broad chest looked huge, you could feel the room spinning but you kept your composure. It was all swell until he gripped both your ankles and folded your legs to your shoulders.

"Ahhh, fuck." your eyes got wide at your sudden outburst.

"Feels good to be getting stretched out like this huh? See what happens when you prep properly!" He said with an eager smile, he was so sweet and oblivious he didn't realize he was just egging on your fantasy of letting your trainer fuck you good into the gym floor mats.

"Y-yeah." you said as your brain got foggy. Yeosang stretched your legs even more, bringing your ankles to your ears as he leaned his body against you.

This is where your second problem came in, while he was pressing his body against you you started to feel something else press against your core. That's when you realized, Yeosang definitely free balls in his gym clothes because his dick was hard as a pipe pressing against your already needy pussy. Seems like someone else is also enjoying this session a bit too much, but you knew Yeosang would never make a move on you, he was too polite, so now you're stuck with his unhelpful banter and hard dick.

"You're doing such a good job, just a little longer Y/N and we'll be done."

You couldn't help the sounds falling from your mouth as he praised you, you couldn't take it anymore, this was the most torturous version of edging you could think of.

"Y-yeo please, please." you said in a hoarse voice, he tried to get closer which only brushed his length more into your walls.

"What was that? I can't hear you, speak up." he said, no fucking way he doesn't know what he's doing.

"Oh my fucking God Yeo please you're going to kill me."

"You can take it, I know you can." he said, oh yeah he knew exactly what he was doing, he just needed you to give him the green light at this point, he just wanted to hear you say you needed him so he could fuck you senseless right then and there. He pushed on your legs even more, his dick sandwiching between your soaking wet walls as it pressed against your needy clit, you yelled out even more moans, you couldn't hold them back anymore.

"Please just fuck me, please, I need it so bad, please oh my god!" You yelled out, you didn't even realize you said that, your mind was only on getting fucked by him and feeling every inch of his dick inside you.

Yeosang giggled teasingly at your request.

"I thought you would never ask." He sat back on his legs as your weak legs stayed in place, Yeo was a nice guy but he was rude as fuck when it came to sex. He gripped your leggings with both hands in the crotch part and ripped it open, exposing your wet sex. He rubbed his fingers over it as he stared at your kitty like it was the most beautiful sight. He placed his two fingers over your throbbing clit and rubbed circle 8's on it, your hips bucked upward because of the sensitivity, more moans and pleads fell from your lips.

"Do you need to be stretched here too gorgeous?" He said looking up at you with the face of an angel but the horniness of a grown man.

"Yes, please! Please put your dick in me." You continued to beg as your hips bucked and moved on their own, he decided to not make you wait anymore, he pulled his shorts down a bit and let out his angry red dick, he reached for his gym bag, and pulled out a condom.

"Please no Yeo, I want to feel you inside me, I'm on birth control."

Luckily one of the things that came with being your trainer was you being very open with him and telling him everything so he knew you recently were tested and could trust you.

"So needy for her trainers dick, how long have you wanted this love?"

He said as he gripped his dick and lined it up with your entrance.

"So long Yeo, so fucking long." You said as more whiny moans came out of you.

He brushed your wet pussy with his dick to cover it with your slick then pushed his hard tip in, he slowly sank his length into you as he held both your ankles in the air, his mouth was a gape while your eyes rolled to the back of your head, already feeling the rush of your orgasm approaching. He finally bottomed out in you, leaned down, pushing your legs back to your ears, and took no time as he started to drill into your leaky cunt. The macaroni noises your needy pussy was making mixed with your desperate moans was like a porno was being made. He was relentless with how his hips moved as he continued to drill into you.

"Your so wet, you like how my dick stretches your little pussy out? It's so tight I'm surprised I can fit in so easily."

His vulgar words only egged your orgasm on even more, your brain was empty, only hearing the slapping noises being made by the raw and unfiltered sex. You were babbling nonsense while he fucked you dumb. Tears started to fall from your eyes.

"Please Yeo I'm going to cum please fuck me more."

He had a cocky grin on his face watching you get fucked into a dumb drooling, crying mess, he thrust his dick hard and deep into you, you could feel him hitting deep inside.

"Your pussy is going to be nice and stretched out when I'm done, you'll only be able to fit my dick inside of it." His endless stamina from working out was showing because his hips never stopped driving into you. You felt your peak as you screamed his name, drool running down the side of your cheeks as your orgasm took over you, your whole body shook from how powerful it was. Yeosang continued to fuck you through your high, when you finished he pulled out and sat on his knees, he pumped himself a few times then hot ropes of cum shot onto your stomach, legs, and butt, getting all over your clothes, remember when I said he was rude as hell? Thank God these were your gym clothes and you changed here.

He looked at his watch as you were stuck there from getting absolutely drilled.

"Looks like our session is up. Can't wait to see you tomorrow." He said with his cute little smile.

[burningcheese-merchant]

BurningCheese/GoldenSpice Playlist

Ok, time to stop being a bitch and post the ship playlist I keep harping on about already.

Gonna mark each song with an emoji to signify if it's meant to either be Burning Spice's POV (🔺) or Golden Cheese's (🧀). It's also going to be band/singer name first, song name second, for ease of understanding

Thank you to everyone who's reached out to me, both on here and on AO3, with song suggestions! A good chunk of these came from me myself, but a lot of people introduced me to plenty more songs that I loved and agreed suited these two perfectly. It's been fun putting a playlist together with this help, it feels like a fun group project now lol. (Hell, you guys are actually helping me think of new writing material. Music is a huge source of inspiration and creativity for me, as I'm sure you've noticed. In a way, you're all indirectly making fic requests lol)

You're all still more than welcome to keep shooting me song ideas to add, the playlist is ever-expanding! I'll just come back to this post and edit any new additions in. (This playlist is 3x longer than my PitayaFire one. I need you all to understand how big of a deal that is for me personally. I never thought I'd be this down bad for a ship besides that one. It's fucking surreal)

Some of it is meant to sound one-sided, others like it's a mutual love/relationship. I'll let you guess which is which lol. Now rock out to Evil Spice Man x Pretty Cheese Lady with me 🤘🤘🤘

Mindless Self Indulgence - Shut Me Up🔺

Fall Out Boy - I Don't Care🔺(with the Wild Spice crew as the backup singers!!!)

Mariah Carey - Obsessed 🧀

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You🔺🧀

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance🔺🧀

Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)🔺

Mindless Self Indulgence - What Do They Know?🔺

Britney Spears - Toxic 🧀

Fish in a Birdcage - Rule #34🔺(this is also a great PureShadow song ngl. It's how it was first introduced to me, even lol)

Shayfer James - Filthy Habit🔺

King Gnu - SPECIALZ🔺🧀 (look up the English version of the lyrics. Very BurningCheese-core imo)

Mindless Self Indulgence - This Hurts🔺

Jack Black - Peaches🔺(shout out to the anon in my inbox who suggested this. Joke's on them, I had this on the playlist right from the start lolololololol)

Arctic Monkeys - R U Mine?🔺

Lady Gaga - Poker Face 🧀

Olly Murs (feat. Flo Rida) - Troublemaker 🧀

Rihanna - Where Have You Been🔺(fun fact: I had this playing on a loop as I wrote "Our Little Dance" to get into the Yandere Spice mindset lol)

Lady Gaga - Judas 🧀

Miike Snow - Genghis Khan🔺

The Orion Experience - Obsessed With You🔺(this song is just really funny. You can probably apply it to all Beast x Ancient ships tbh)

Nine Inch Nails - Closer🔺

Mindless Self Indulgence - 5TR82HE11🔺

Air Traffic Controller - This Is Love🔺

Bad Omens - THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND🔺🧀

Isabel LaRosa - favorite 🧀

Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch🔺(listen I imagined Spice singing this to Golden and just started howling with laughter, it's fucking hysterical ok)

ENHYPEN - Bite Me🔺

Scissor Sisters - I Can't Decide🔺(GC would sing a few parts tho)

5 Seconds of Summer - Teeth🔺🧀 (mostly Spice though)

Buerak - Культ Тела 🔺(look up English lyrics, very Yandere Spice coded. Thank you to the anon who suggested it)

Tom Lehrer - The Masochism Tango🔺

Lady Gaga - Disease 🧀

G-Eazy (with Halsey) - Him & I🔺🧀

Britney Spears - ...Baby One More Time🔺(imagine Spice singing this while stuck in prison. Please. He's singing and the other Beasts want to off themselves because it's so annoying and he won't stop. Please it is so funny. I have so much fun imagining this freak acting stupid-)

[ofswordsandpens]

just finished episode 6…. truly don’t know how to feel about these changes. would love to know your thoughts bc i’m just kinda baffled by some changes tbh

Mixed feelings as always:

Percy's dream slapped. I loved Kronos's actor. It felt perfectly eery. No notes.

No percabeth late night convo on the truck. This doesn't surprise me given we sort of did that on the train already, but now there's just another iconic book moment that we'll get bits and pieces of, but never actually get to see in its entirety/original setting.

I did vibe with the glass prism tool for the iris message and it was pretty cool. The Percy + Annabeth argument was great but I'm gonna be honest, Luke being like "you're arguing like an old married couple" was laying it on a tad thick to me idk idk. I know I'll probably be in the minority there lol but I think it would have liked the line better if Percy and Annabeth got more embarrassed to his statement but they both reacted to it like :/ so it just felt heavy handed on the show runners part more than anything

Lotus Hotel vibes? Lackluster. Uninspired. It just didn't capture that outrageous paradise for kids feeling from the book because they turned it into Hermes' hangout so there's a whole bunch more adults than kids. Basically felt like if you took the movie's version and turned down the energy of it by a mile lmao. (Which is also ironic given RR's post about it today).

And of course the kids immediately know what's happening so like. No fun mystery. No Percy figuring it out. Just them being like "omg we need to be careful" and then immediately separating from Grover lmao.

Okay. LMM's Hermes.... it wasn't bad. Thankfully there was no singing. He was fine. It's more or less that turning the Lotus story line into a Hermes' storyline was like an "okay, I guess we're doing this" thing. I mean I guess we finally introduced something for the non-book reader's to pick up on that Luke might not have the best relationship with his dad (and consequently the gods). But like, nothing about this storyline is something that isn't introduced later on in the books. Nor was it better or more interesting than the original lotus storyline in the books.

Again, its the constant replacement of everything fun and silly and absurd in the book and turning it into a very serious moment, is just like, killing the energy. Seriousness is good. Silliness is also good. The book balanced it greatly. The show struggles here.

Glad we got a Pan mention tho!! Finally!

But um 4 pearls, so no dilemma about who to save. A part of me is relieved because the show's created like 3 other sacrifice convo scenarios so its gotten bit reductive, but Sally being a part of the equation is an entirely different dynamic and now that dilemma is theoretically gone. (unless he loses one of the pearls?)

And Percy's missed the deadline?? Right?? So like? I really don't know what we're doing anymore. In the book the deadline was pretty strict lol. Here I guess the deadline was like, a loose suggestion? Percy's walking into the middle of the god's battle field with master bolt in his hand? Idk.

Overall things in the show feel messy and way less cohesive. They seem to know that certain things from the book are important but not necessarily why, or they'll introduce events or plot points strangely late or way too early.

[thevoidstaredback]

Dick: Remember everyone, violence is never the answer.

Danny: You're right, Dick.. Violence can't be the answer.

Dick: Correct, Danny. Now, on to the next lesso-

Danny: Violence is the question.

Danny: And the answer is yes!

Dick: Danny, no!!

Dick: All right, Danny, that’s it, you’re grounded! I found a rap album hiding under your bed and it was the clean version. I didn’t raise you to be such a nerd!

Danny: I’m not even your kid-

Dick: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.

Danny: Ok.

Dick: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?

Danny: Last night I found out Dick is a sleep talker.

Tim: Oh, really?

Danny: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

*Dick rushes by with an armful of water bottles*

Tim: What's going on?

Danny: Dick wouldn't drink water.

Tim: ...And?

Danny: And I asked him how fast he could chug an entire bottle.

Dick, loudly: 16 OUNCES IN TEN SECONDS, BITCHES!

Dick: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there?

Danny: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.

Dick:

Dick: *sobs*

Tim: You fucking scared him, you idiot.

Dick: I hate to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.

Danny & Tim:

Danny: Only one...?

Danny: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

Dick: Can either of you please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"?

Tim: Ya know... it might be.

*Danny and Tim are fighting*

Dick, taking aspirin: I have a headache! Can you guys just be cool?!

*Danny and Tim start fighting while wearing sunglasses and riding skateboards*

Dick: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste

Danny: We got spring water

Dick: NO.

Danny: with EXTRA minerals

Danny: it's like licking a stalagmite

Dick: DON'T COME HOME.

Danny: Mmmmm cave water

Tim: Tell Danny about the birds and the bees.

Dick: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.

Batman: Listen, I can explain...

Tim!Robin: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?

Nightwing: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!

Phantom: You guys are getting paid?

Bruce: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Tim: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Danny: I personally was created in a lab.

Dick: I just straight up spawned lol.

Dick: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?

Alfred: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.

Dick: Three of us saw it, Alfred. How do you explain that?

Alfred: *points at Tim* Sleep deprivation. *points at Bruce* Paranoia. *points at Danny* Delusional personality disorder.

Tim: Why is Dick so sad?

Danny: He took one of those “Which Hero Are You?” quizzes

Tim: And...?

Danny: He got Batman

Dick, banging on the door: Danny! Open up!

Danny: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Tim: No, he meant-

Dick: Let him finish.

Tim: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Danny: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Tim: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING DICK WITH ME

Dick, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

Dick: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Tim: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Dick: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Danny: edible

Dick: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Bruce does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?

Tim: If Bruce were to jump off a cliff, he would’ve done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Bruce jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Dick: You jump off a cliff!

Tim: Gladly. Provided Bruce did first.

Danny: Why are you on the floor?

Tim: I'm depressed.

Tim: Also I was stabbed, can you get Alfred, please.

Dick: If you had to choose between Tim and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Danny: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Tim: Danny!

Dick: 63 cents.

Danny: I'll take the money.

Tim: Danny!!!

Danny: I'm incredibly fast at math.

Tim: Alright, what's 30x17?

Danny: 47

Tim: That's not even close.

Danny: But it was fast.

Danny: *Stubs his toe* FUCK!

Dick: Mind your language!

Danny: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Dick:

Danny: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Tim: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

Danny: Stop romanticizing the past.

Danny: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Dick: Twelve, actually.

Danny: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Dick: Yours!

Danny: That's right: no one's.

Tim: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Danny: You're like 15 years old

Tim: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

Danny: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

Tim: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so...

Dick: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'

Dick: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Danny: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.

Tim: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

Tim: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Danny, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

Dick: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Danny, pre death: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand.

*dies*

Phantom: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Tim*

Tim: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

Danny: Goodnight moon.

Danny: Goodnight tree.

Danny: Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.

Dick: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person.

Dick: And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!'

Tim: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?

[teaboot]

Fun fight things I never see in fight scenes:

You are giving me important information from the sidelines and I can't hear you because my entire head inside this man's armpit

We are fighting and it is important that I focus on winning but I am hesitant to pull this maneuver because doing it puts me in danger of accidentally grabbing a dick or a titty

Someone's hand slipped up a shirt or down a waistband for a sec and we're both gonna pretend it didn't until we die

Dude you just got drool like all fucking over my face just now what the fuck

Okay I get that you're about to snap my neck with your thighs but also you totally just farted a bit which is reasonable considering the position we're in but still oh my God

If the last thing I experience on earth before I die is your ass in my face I'm going to drag you to hell with me

Someone is trying to give me advice right now and if they don't shut the fuck up I'm gonna kill them

I know the perfect maneuver to get out of this but if I go for it I'm definitely gonna dislocate my shoulder and I haven't decided if I want the win that bad yet

I just heard my knee pop and either it's fine or I'm going to spend the next six months in physical therapy and be in pain for the rest of my life

I thought I walked away from that ok but it's three in the morning and I just woke up out of a dead sleep because one of my limbs just started screaming

"You should ice that" Is the physical injury version of "Well its gotta be around here somewhere"

AW YEAH DID YOU SEE THAT I PULLED THAT SO SMOOTH IM SO GOOD IM KICKING ASS RIGHT NOW And ah fuck he got me

Hey bud you wanna maybe stop watching and lend me a fucking hand maybe

I Am Between You And Very Upset Person And If You Keep Pissing Them Off Then I Am Going To Get Stabbed

Nobody Expects To Get Licked

Oh God dude you smell so bad. Like you smell SO bad

Okay so like. I WOULD fight you but tbh you're actually super gross and I sort of don't wanna touch you. What is that stain from? You know what I don't wanna know, I don't wanna think about it

You are giving me important information from the sidelines but are missing some critical details that I cannot explain right now and you're getting frustrated that I'm not listening and I'm getting frustrated that you're angry at me for not doing something that will break both my arms at the same time

Sweetheart I love you to the moon and back but cheering me on is actually very distracting and I'm gonna need you to stop right now exactly right now please and thank you so so much baby PLEASE

Why do I smell like them now. Oh God I need a shower

WAS THAT A FUCKING BOOGER WHAT THE FUCK EW EW EW EW EW

haha nice underwear dipshit lol

[wordstome]

the very first night (ntwdt pt 2)

tell me that you hate it hate that i'm no longer in your reach if i can't hear you say it maybe you can't change it, but if you never if you never put it on the line how am i gonna sign for it?

alpha colonel König x beta ex-lover reader

2nd person, no y/n, she/her pronouns, reader's callsign is Eden, reader speaks French, omegaverse, exes to lovers, fraternization, fantasy version of military protocol, probable incorrect use of "copy"

2.2k words

tw: mentions of dead bodies and vague violence, dirty talk, könig is in rut but no actual sex happens, mention of grinding

Do you guys still even remember this au??? 😅 I'm back to writing this fic with this specific format just like the last time I had bad writer's block. I'm sorry that I basically made you guys take a poll and then immediately disregarded the results :( metalhead König is going to be the next one published, and then kosovo maiden. Anyway, this is less of a foray into the omegaverse as it is into exploring a married couple's dynamic. Forgive me if it's inaccurate, I've never been married. (Several of the people who will probably read this are married so...I might be really embarrassing myself here lol)

“Two on your six, O’Conor.”

König watches as his colleague takes down his pursuants with practiced ease. “Good to have someone watching over me, Eden.” the man roughs into his comms.

“It was my pleasure, Declan.”

“Can you two keep the flirting off the main comms?” Fender huffs. König hears O’Conor snort before the line goes quiet.

“Steady,” Horangi says next to him.

“What?” König says.

“You’re breathing like an angry bull. It’s unnerving.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s obvious you’re mad O’Conor’s flirting with your ex-wife.”

“She’s not—“ König lets out a sigh of defeat and tips his head away from the scope. “She can do whatever she wants. I’m not her keeper.”

“Right, which is why you’re white-knuckling your rifle and giving off the most furious pheromones I've ever felt."

König gives his friend a deadly side eye. “Can I help you?”

“Nah. Just confirming what I already know”, Horangi answers, unbearably smug.

König rolls his eyes and returns to the task at hand.

The two of you avoid each other, mostly.

When you’re forced to interact, it's with stiff professionalism. Cold and distant. The way it was when it was really, really bad.

You spend your time becoming closer to the other operators. O'Conor, for one, is someone you find yourself growing close to. In your line of work, it's usually not a good idea to get too attached to someone who may not see the next day, but it's part of your job to know these people now.

They're so competent that you can ignore the obvious, anyway.

König's always been competent, but watching him work nowadays is strange, like watching a remake of a nostalgic childhood film.

His movements are the same. He flicks his wrist the same way, with a heartbeat's worth of pause before the movement. Him taking cover, leaning with that awful posture you always got on his case about.

But everything about him is more ruthless, more efficient. The unrefined brutality of his youth is replaced with a honed precision that is foreign to you.

It stings, though you know the feeling has no right to exist.

You can't keep yourself from reminiscing about the past, when everything about him was familiar. When you knew him so well, it was enough to save both your lives.

"We've lost comms with König."

Your heart drops into your throat. You've been on several ops with him at this point, but this has never happened before.

"What do you mean you've lost comms?"

"He's not responding."

"What?" Fear grips your heart at everything that implies.

"He's in your building, Eden. Find him and extract. Copy."

You move slowly, like ice is flowing through your veins. "Copy."

You will yourself to calm down. Lost communications doesn't mean anything but lost communications. Panicking that you're going to encounter his body will only ensure you end up as a corpse as well. Besides, who could ever take down a man like that, tall like a giant and quick like a viper as he is?

If you had lost comms, what would you do? Re-establish them, of course. Pick your way out of the building and do everything in your power to reconnect with your team. From where König entered, he'd be exiting the building on the east side. You turn to head that way, then hesitate.

König's not you, though. He's not like any other member of the team. Proud, arrogant, vicious König, far more so than other alphas. You used to be afraid of him while he was at work, but eventually you came to realize that was simply how he was in his element—a different persona he wore to battle. As much as you wished he would be sensible and take the safe route, König would never take the safe route. He'd be carrying on the mission on his own, moving towards the target at the center of the building.

But he's a professional. No matter how good he is at what he does, he's not a one-man army, and he knows the right thing to do would be to extract. It's a gamble. If you head towards the east exit and he's not there, you could be losing precious time to find him. But if you head towards the center, you could be walking right into a fight you can't win and become overwhelmed.

You let out a shaky breath and attempt to calm your mind. What would he do? What is he thinking? If you make the wrong call, if you don't know your lover as well as you think you do, one of you won't be walking out of here. You close your eyes and think.

You open them with newfound determination and turn towards the center of the building.

You'd been right, of course, judging by the fallen enemies you find as you move through the hallways. But you don't allow yourself to feel sure until the moment you lay eyes on him, securing the target—a hard drive containing sensitive information.

"König!" you hiss, just as he whips towards you, gun drawn. He relaxes when he sees it's only you. Despite the fraught situation you're in, you can't help yourself from dashing towards him and burying your face into his chest in a hug.

"Eden," he says, his relief evident.

"You stupid motherfucker," you hiss. "You should have extracted the moment your comms cut out."

His eyes crinkle up behind his mask the way they always do when he smiles. "You knew I wouldn't."

"Yes, because I am burdened with being one of the few people on this earth who knows you like the back of my hand. Atlas holding up the sky," you grumble.

"I know you're relieved to see me," he responds, joy evident in his tone.

You let out a sigh. "Can we just get out of here?"

"Aye-aye, captain."

You could do without those memories, you think whenever the two of you trade clipped exchanges during ops now.

König still has traces of the arrogance of his youth, but it shows through less now. He's wiser, more patient and far less reckless.

You catch yourself admiring how good of a leader he's become. His connection with his teammates is like muscles flexing a hand.

You're no longer a part of that nervous system.

In fact, he's always catching you off guard now.

The energy in the common area is weird today.

You can’t quite put your finger on it. It’s like everyone’s walking on eggshells, but at the same time, nobody’s mood seems to be that affected. It’s like you’re all mice living in someone’s walls: going about business as usual, but with some looming threat casting a pall over everything.

“Is it just me or does the energy on base feel off today?” you ask Calisto.

“Oh. Yeah, that. Don’t worry about it,” she says. She swings open the refrigerator and pulls out coffee creamer. “No need for concern. König’s in rut.”

You do a double take. “He is?”

“Yeah.” She’s casual about it as she dumps cream and sugar into her coffee. “Usually he has a pretty light rut—he just gets testy and irritated. But for some reason this time is bad.” She offers you the cream, but you shake your head. “Don’t know what’s up with him, but he had to barricade himself in his room. His scent is driving people up the wall.”

You stare at the table in front of you. It can’t be a coincidence that König’s rut gets worse as soon as you’re near him again, can it?

When you look up, Horangi is staring at you from across the room. Slowly, he raises his mug to his lips, never once taking his eyes off of you.

You swallow the lump in your throat.

Calisto was right. The scent is overwhelming, but it's also familiar. You can't blame the others for avoiding the area. If you'd never dealt with him in this state before, you'd be hightailing it out of there too. Which is why you're doing this despite...everything.

You hover outside his door, trying to gather yourself, or work up the nerve to knock, or anything. It doesn’t matter in the end, though.

“I can smell you, liebling,” comes his voice, deep and growling and verging on feral. A shiver runs up your spine. You haven’t been called that in a long, long time.

“I only came here to bring you things. Water and…snacks.” you stammer, instantly hating yourself for how weak you sound.

“All these years later…and you still smell the same.” He blows right past your feeble little excuse, not even dignifying it with a response.

“I’m just here to check on you,” you murmur.

“Is that so.” You gasp as you hear a loud thud against the door from the other side. Oh God, it’s him, his body heat almost burning through the wood, pressed so close that you can hear his heaving breaths. “How kind of you.”

“It’s the least I can do, considering…”

“Considering it’s your fault I’m like this in the first place?”

Your legs feel weak. “Yes.”

His voice is silky, dangerous despite the barely restrained lust behind it. “Good girl.”

“That’s not fair,” you whisper.

“That’s a shame. You used to like it when I called you that. Still do, according to my nose.”

You wish he wasn’t right, but he is. You’re so slick that you’re soaking your underwear.

“Do you want the water or not?”

“Are you going to come with it?”

“I—”

“Because I promise you, if you’re still standing there when I open this door, you will get fucked against it.” He sounds like a savage animal snapping his jaws in hunger, and fuck, your body feels hot and weak in response. Every cell in your body is screaming out for you to throw open that door and let him fuck you limp. If you told him to break down the door, you’re sure that he would.

“You can’t say that anymore,” you whisper, hating the words as they leave you.

That seems to bring König back to rationality. You can picture him now on the other side of the door, shoulders slumping as he withdraws back into himself. "I...I'm sorry."

You slide down to sit on the ground with your back to the door, gripping a water bottle in a clenched fist. "It's like no time has passed at all, huh?"

You hear him let out a shaky breath, clearly trying to collect himself and bite back words he can't say. "Yeah."

That's the thing, isn't it? Your biology and his got the two of you into this situation in the first place. Very little of that has changed. Even though you've grown distanced in your minds, your bodies haven't forgotten the connection.

You're still struggling with how to feel about that. So much of your life has been dictated by what your body needs and wants. You've spent just as much time bucking against those needs and wants, so much that it feels like second nature.

"All of this...it takes me back. Do you remember the first night I spent with you during a rut?" you say. For a while you don't think he's heard you, but then he responds.

"How could I forget? It's my most embarrassing memory."

"Still?"

"I swore I would never let something like that happen again."

You giggle a little. "It was cute, for what it's worth." That first time, you'd come prepared with water and food, just like you had tonight, prepared for a long night full of...strenuous exercise. Instead, König had gotten so overwhelmed at his first rut with a partner that he came by just grinding on your leg and immediately fell into a 12-hour sleep.

"Yeah, you've said that. Doesn't make me cringe any less."

"And I'll say it again, it wasn't as bad as you think it is." You idly trace the cap of the water bottle with a fingertip. "There's no shame between us."

Another long pause before he responds. "Was."

A dull, throbbing pain nestles itself below your sternum.

"It...doesn't have to be past tense," you put forth tentatively.

"Doesn't it? We've gone right back to being strangers. You're still on the other side of the door."

You bite your lip. You can't deny that, nor the distance that's grown between the two of you.

This is all happening too fast. You don't know if you want to close the gap. You don't know if you're ready to make amends, after what happened.

"You're in no condition to have this conversation," you say, to distract both him and yourself.

"Conversation with you is hard to come by nowadays."

"Well...let's change that. Starting when your rut's over. Let's try talking like normal people again." This time, you don't know if you can blame your stupid biology for the relief you feel saying that. Maybe this time it's nothing but you and your treacherous heart.

You hear a thump against the door, but not an aggressive one. More like he's leaned his head against it. "I guess we have to start somewhere."

More silence. Then he speaks again, his voice tremulous.

"Can you stay? It's easier when you're here."

You swallow, your mouth gone dry like a desert. You can barely manage your next two words. "Of course."

The rest of the night is quiet, but you know he's there. At one point, you can even hear his steady, even breathing. Somewhere along the way, you notice that your breathing has synced with his.

The two of you fall asleep like that, propped up next to each other with a single layer of wood between you.

I miss you like it was the very first night...

I only revised this once while exhausted out of my fucking mind at 3am, so forgive me if anything's awkward or clunky. I'll probably go through it again in the morning (and die of cringe). But there we go! I hope you guys enjoy. As always, I would love to see your thoughts and comments <3

Regarding my tag lists: I've had to leave out a few people, so if you see your url missing from this, please let me know and I'll add you back. Also, apologies if you're here despite not asking to be tagged for this particular story. I haven't gotten around to sorting out fic-specific taglists yet 🥲

@kneelingshadowsalome @danibee33 @crowbird @poohkie90 @cumikering @iytatsworld @papaver-decervicatus @anxietyrain @cookiepie111 @no1runawaymilkdad @chthonian-spectre @backwards-readings @yxllowtxpe @hexqueensupreme @violetstyless @her-majesty-theking @vegan-peppermint @peonytarian @ghostslittlegf @deaddainish @teehee-47 @catluvwr @keiva1000 @waves-against-a-cliff @channelsoph @cutiecusp @itsagrimm @dins-riduur-anthe @mantishymns @lexuria @complexivelovely @black-moon-bunny @kit-williams @shebibtedmypepnis @mafer383

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello sex witch! Hope you're having a wonderful weekend.

I have a question and I'm wondering if you can shed light on it. For context, I only recently started masturbating and using a vibrator but I've never had sex with anyone else before (due to a bad combo of shitty self esteem and antidepressants killing any sex drive I could have). I started off small with a vibe bullet and now I have a longer vibrator which does wonders to my clit but I'm having trouble with the penetration side of things. I tried the last couple days to get it inside, lots of lube etc but it didn't seem to go past maybe an inch or two. It's not even that it started hurting at that stage, there just... wasn't anywhere I could feel it going. And I tried a bunch of different angles and nothing. It almost felt like I was trying to pierce a pencil sized hole with a marker pen or something.

On the flip side, I recently had a transvaginal ultrasound - or at least tried to. And when the wand went inside it hurt so much that I had to stop her before she had even reached the vagina or so the tech said. Admittedly I did lie and said I had sex before because I'd used a vibrator lol so maybe I shouldn't have had that scan at all, but I guess I'm wondering if any of this sounds normal? Is this all because I'm still a virgin or whatever, even though that isn't something important to me at all? I can get fingers in and it's fine, it's good, actually, I like it, and sometimes my clit gets so sensitive that I prefer fingering myself, but I'm just trying to ascertain if it's a medical issue. I feel as though I can't really go to the doctor about this given there isn't a second person involved so it's not truly my sex life I'm actually talking about - but equally my GP thinks I might have endometriosis and did ask me if I have pain during sex. And given I'm a lesbian I didn't think that question necessarily applied to me (he asked if I was married and I said no, so he said that it wasn't relevant).

The tldr version of this ask: is it medically worrying that I can't get a vibrator inside me or any kind of internal scan? Are there any ways of working myself up to penetration or is my hymen gonna be the bane of my existence my whole life?

hi anon,

first off: don't lie to your doctors. when they ask if you've had sex, particularly in the context of something like a transvaginal ultrasound, they're asking in part so that they know what can be comfortably inserted into your vagina. they likely would have used a smaller wand had they known you don't have a lot of penetrative sexual experience, and the procedure might have gone much easier.

(although, for future reference: if anybody reading this is ever having a hard time with a penetrative procedure, you can always, always ask them to slow down, use something smaller, and make other adjustments necessary for your comfort.)

the question of whether or not you have pain during sex applies to everyone, regardless of your sexual orientation or whether you're having partnered sex or not. if you experience pain consistently when you masturbate, that's an issue.

it's very normal for penetration with a large object to be difficult or uncomfortable when you first start doing that. the vaginal muscles need practice to learn new skills the same as every other muscle; I often liken it to how nobody should learn how to run by showing up to a marathon without having ever done so much as going for a jog. don't press your boundaries faster than is comfortable; it's fine if you have a limited depth of penetration at the moment.

your hymen isn't really the issue here; please see the article about hymens linked in my sex ed FAQ dispelling many pervasive myths about what the hymen is and how it works.

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

Two Peas In A Pod

—A blessing... or a calamity in disguise?

Fandom: Blue Lock

Pairing: Nagi X Fem!Reader

Genre: Crack, Humor, Horror

Format: Short fic

Warnings: Breast feeding, Jealousy, Probably ooc!Nagi

Word Count: 1.5K

A/n: Idk I just thought this would fit him lol. Might remind you of boss baby.

There are moments in life which can never be forgotten. Long awaited moments that leave a sweet velvety taste in your mouth and get engraved on your memory,

Moments like this.

Nagi is in hospital, standing next to the delivery room with his infant in his arms. He's wearing the most genuine smile he could ever wear, staring at his baby boy's angelic face. The baby has the tiniest hands ever that would get lost in his if he were to hold them, and the cutest chubby feet ever. He could just eat them right away.

"Wow Nagi, he looks just like you!" Reo says, smiling at the sight while snapping a picture. "You two are like two peas in the pod, except that his hair isn't long enough to be as messy as yours"

"I know. I did hope he'd take after y/n, but he's still cute"

Your husband looks so grown up like this with a baby in his hands. That's what makes Reo to snap another picture, this time in full frame of both Nagi and the baby. His smile is as soft as when he watched him saying his vow to you, and he can't help but to feel happy for his best friend.

"I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee and call Isagi and others. They've been waiting for the news"

"Ok"

Nagi's gaze doesn't leave the baby's face to follow Reo's footsteps walking away. He persistently stares at the baby's closed eyelids, wondering if they're hazel colored like his, or have the color of your eyes. Maybe it's a mixture of both, he thinks, if it's possible. He doesn't have to wait for long to find out though, because suddenly, the baby's eyelids start shuddering and in less than a second, they're wide open, displaying the warm chocolate brown color of his eye balls.

Every inch of his figure resembles his father. Even the look in his eyes is curious, just like Nagi's is right now.

"Welcome home, little thing. We're gonna have so much fun together, me and you"

…

"I don't think that's gonna happen"

Nagi doesn't know whether he should believe his ears, or his eyes. A talking baby? That's a miracle! Babies don't start talking until they're two years old, but this one in his arms was definitely the one talking a little while before, since his intense stare is piercing through Nagi's heart.

I must have very strong genes.

"What do you mean, that's not gonna happen?"

"Oh sorry, I guess I wasn't being clear on the matter" The baby speaks in a semi-grown up voice. "I meant that, you won't be having much fun from now on"

"How come?"

The baby's innocent expression is all gone. Now there's a straight yet devilish look on his face which Nagi doesn't find charming. "I thought you would already figure out that much, but I guess I was wrong. Heh...what a pain"

"Stop giving me that shit and tell me already"

"You don't care much for sharing; do you, my dear father?"

Oh.

Nagi doesn't like where this is going. He feels an unwelcoming sense of threat in his heart.

"So what? Are you saying you're gonna steal y/n from me?"

"No..."

The grin on the baby's face isn't casual. All of a sudden, Nagi doesn't find a single thing resembling him. The baby looks more like... Light Yagami from death note, the blond version.

"...I'm saying that I already have"

This can't be happening.

"Tough luck. You'll never be able to split us off. Y/n's love for me is boundless. I'm her one and only"

"You were her one and only" His gums are visible through his demonic smirk. "Now that I'm here, you won't get a quarter of the attention you used to receive. From now on, I'll be the one who sleeps in her arms at— well all the time. She'll always be near me, looking after me since I'm just a fragile little thing. The time she used to spend alone with you is gonna be limited to less than ten minutes, and your share of affection will also be mine. Even if you two do get the time to be alone with each other, she'll be too exhausted to even look at your face. She wouldn't miss it, since she gets to be with me all the time"

The world comes crashing down on the white haired man. Through his storming mind, he can see himself curled up under the strangely ice cold blanket while staring at you frustratingly, asking you to get in the bed with him already. But standing on the other side of the room, it feels like you're a thousand miles away, voice barely making its way to his hear yet so destructively striking him, saying you have to put the baby to sleep first. Even after doing that, you're so tired that you pass out on the bed before Nagi can even lay a finger on you.

"Not only that, I'm gonna take away all the other things you enjoy as well"

Another illusion appears before his eyes, only this time he's sitting on the couch, and you're standing in front of him, wearing a somewhat annoyed expression.

"I'm sorry Sei, but we can't afford to buy more video games anymore. We have to start saving up for Light's college"

No.... that can't be real. He can't give up on his video games for a serial killer's his child's future. That's absurd. You're not expecting him to do that, are you? You know how video games are important to him.

"Just you wait my stupid father, I will take everything you cherish in your life, and it starts from this very moment, with your most loved one"

His most... loved one?

Just as he's about to ask the little demon about his intention, the door to the room opens and a nurse comes out. "Alright! It's the baby's lunch time"

No. Not that.

"His lunch time? You mean, y/n's gonna feed her...?"

Nagi's voice is shivery, like he didn't know about how the babies drink milk. The nurse is a little taken aback by that, but still keeps her smile on.

"Yes sir, he needs to be fed right now, so if I may..." She reaches out to take the baby from his embrace, but fails when Nagi steps back.

"You... can't do that. I mean, this baby looks like he should drink formula milk instead of breast milk. It'll be better for him"

"The hell are you talking about, Nagi? Let the nurse take him to y/n" Reo suddenly appears next to him, giving him a questioning look.

"No— You don't understand— I—"

"What's up with you man? Here, ma'am; take the little thing to his mommy"

Nagi feels all the misery existing in the world raining on him as he watches the nurse take the infant to you. Reo looks away when you pull up your hospital gown to reveal the enchanting sight of your breast that are bigger than usual and are full of milk, all ready to be devoured in the baby devil's throat. This is it. The beginning of his torment, the sight of his most comforting treasure being possessed by another person, shattering his heart into a zillion pieces.

"No..."

The baby squeezes your right nipple with his hand, letting out a small whine.

"Stop it... No..."

You softly caress his cheek and baby talk him to enjoy his meal.

Why can't all of you people see his devilish smirk?

"No..."

The baby looks at him from the corner of his eyes. He's taking his most special thing, his stress balls, his warm pillows he snuggles his face into at nights, his soft squishies he plays with whenever he's bored, his delicious jello balls he sucks on to help him go to sleep...

"No... No... No..."

You hold your left boob and snuggle him closer to help him drink, and he helps himself out, by brutally taking it into his mouth.

It happens.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Then Nagi wakes up from his sleep.

Through his blurry vision, he recognizes his room in the middle of the night, and of course, your kind hand on his shoulder.

"Sei? Are you ok sweetheart?"

Nagi keeps panting. He hurriedly looks around the room to see any sign of the baby, but thankfully, he finds nothing. He can't ignore the cute bump of your belly under your oversized T-shirt though.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"If the baby looks like me we'll give it away"

"Excuse me??!"

All rights reserved © 2023 AshTheMadWriter. Please do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my works on any platform.

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[ghouldtime]

Hiii it's me again lol

Okayokay, so I just finished reading your rant on the COD fandom's unique choice of pet names, and I'm gonna be straight up and say I'm going completely off topic and INSTEAD veer off to a side thing you pointed out to give my own opinion! This is a kinda hot take so I'm just screaming into the void hoping someone shares my thoughts 🖤

Sooo we all know the Ghost comics released alongside the OG MW2. I personally haven't read it due to the TWs but I've seen enough screenshots and summaries to get the gist of what happens. HOWEVER I believe those comics are only canon to 09 Ghost and doesn't apply to reboot Ghost, and this is what I meant about it being a hot take cuz almost everyone in the fandom agrees the comics happens for both. And I can definitely see why! I mean, we didn't exactly get any concrete backstory regarding reboot Ghost, so anything goes.

Where I stand on the line, I'm a firm believer of reboot Ghost being Just A Guy™️like he had a (relatively) chill childhood but there are some things that stay the same with the comics. Like Tommy scaring him with the skeleton mask when they were children, and Simon enlisting after the 9/11 attack (not sure if those are canon, it's just what I've heard so please correct me if I'm wrong). No abusive father, no Roba, no Christmas trauma. Sure it makes him less interesting but I find it pretty amusing how the person wearing a skull print balaclava has no real reason behind wearing it other than it looking cool lmao

Anyway, yap fest over! Hope you have a wonderful day/night and remember to hydrate! 🖤

- Biscuits 🌺

SALUTATIONS it's good to see you again, I hope you're doing swell as well :D 💚💚💚

Technically, what you're saying is true!

The '09 comics pair with the '09 character and are indeed cannon for only him as far as I'm aware (someone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). The reboot lacks a true significant backstory. As in, if you search it up, you basically get "he joined the SAS and is super cool and is great at doing cool soldier things and probably can do a sick backflip". What we know about the reboot is basically what we experience in game. And until we get either another game focusing on his earlier life or have confirmed scenes of it, we really don't know.

Personally, how I distinguish "Ghost" as a being is as three versions.

You have '09 Ghost. '09 Ghost is the one we experienced in the OG games and the comics. He's the dead one - and the one with the actual official backstory. Those are both cannon and are tied to him as a character.

You then have Reboot Ghost. Reboot Ghost is, as the name entails, the reboot alone. Basically, what we have of him and know of him is what we experience in game. Technically, we don't know his backstory and the full extent of his life. Is it similar to his '09 counterpart? We don't know. He's kinda the "What you see is what you get". There's some things implied with his dialog but most of his story is up for debate.

And then we have what I'm calling Fandom Ghost who is the most common variant. Fandom Ghost is neither the reboot nor the '09 version - he's a middle ground. He's what everyone is thinking of when you hear 'Ghost'. Usually how I've seen him portrayed is the reboot with the '09 backstory or some semblance of that.

(Side note: I know it's quite typical to specify when you're referring to '09 Ghost specifically because he does, of course, have a very different history and outcome. Not to mention, the dynamics with him and Soap are very different than in the reboot which is another reason why people usually clarify and go "This is who I mean")

I've never actually seen a TRUE reboot Ghost that wasn't fandom based or fanon in writing, now that I think about it. Probably because it's not that easy to write about a character in a limited sense where you don't know much about them and you have to stick to the limited material you're given.

A lot of COD operators lack a significant backstory outside of their military history. That's mainly done because they're videogame characters of a military, shooting focused game and they don't usually have the time to go into depth as to why that character is the way they are. They're primarily soldiers who are saving the world and playing their role. You might see snippets here and there but the focus isn't on their background or the inner workings of their character in a very personal way, aside from what is revealed on missions to add a natural perspective and make them see more human

Because it's not like in the middle of a life or death situation you're going to sit down and explain that you had a dog growing up, you had three sisters, your favorite drink is Baja Blast, and you have a lifelong fear of Burger King.

'09 Ghost, however, we GOT a backstory. We were given something to work with. Clinging to that or melding it with the reboot, who lacks a backstory, is what a lot do because it's trying to make use of the best source material we got until we can maybe get something else too. Personally I was a fan of that backstory because it DID add depth to him, significantly so. I liked it.

Additionally, I think a LOT of people go that route too because it's something that's quite easy to look up so they don't need to make something themselves

(This is an entire theory and me putting on my tinfoil hat: There's a lot of people in the COD fandom who are just here for the big beefy men and don't do their research, haven't played the games - they're just assuming things. And when they see the fandom Ghost, they just assume it's true, and it spreads when they write their own stories. I hope this doesn't read like I'm trying to gatekeep or 'HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW EVERYTHING' or 'you're not a true fan unless-', cause I really really really do not care. Do what makes you happy, but I'm going to avoid reading what I feel mischaracterizes him for sexual purposes alone hardcore)

I also like to imagine that maybe the team doing the reboots has enough common sense too to not entirely scrap such a backstory as hey, it IS interesting, so there's a strong possibility that reboot might share some origins. Kidding, I'm being fully delusional here and know they won't do that and will likely just ruin it and I'm hoping they don't have a chance. I know any new one they come up with -like the writing in the last campaign -would be utter carbonated hot dog water and I do not trust them at alllllll. I'm refusing to accept reboot Soap's death but that's a rant for another time

That being said though, there's technically no correct backstory yet for Reboot! Ghost aside from what we already know. Anything that adds backstory or melds anything else to him is making him fanon/fandom!Ghost (which is by far the most common iteration and the one people default too)

I love when people give him, and other COD characters, happy or somewhat not dramatic backstories. They already have enough going on with the wars they're thrown in, I live for them having a scrap of happiness and normality. I can't blame people for not wanting to write or deal with heavy backstories and it's nice to see variety and is SO super valid.

But at the same time, I also do like his OG backstory, I love seeing when people dig deeper into the gritty stuff too, exploring that side of characters because not everyone has the best life growing up. And joining the military and when they join can be telling too about their home life

Variety is the variety of life and when there's not exactly a cannon, then I love seeing people make their own reasonings and conclusions and write fanfics with their own theories. It's SO fun to explore what other people think and it really results in some of the sweetest fics that dive more into depth than the official writing team ever could hope to

The Ghost that I write are usually AU Ghosts anyhow so it allows me more flexibility in what I write. BUT if I'm writing for Ghost, I do the blend where it has more of the '09's backstory but his reboot vibes. THAT BEING SAID

I love making him just, A Dude©, still despite that. Having a bad past doesn't make him any less of a person - nor does it make him this ultra mega tough dominant edgy sigma bad boy. He's literally just a GUY. Sure, he has extensive SAS experience and training to boot. Sure, he's easily one of their top soldiers. He's a stone cold killer when he's Ghost. He's there to do the job.

But Simon? Simon's just a dude, like everyone else - they all are at the end of the day. Sure, they have their own personal struggles and do have to go through a lot, but they're still people. He goes to the grocery store and is genuinely confused about all the options of milk now (how the hell did they milk HEMP). He still makes his bed and has to fight the fitted sheet to stay on, using his size and strength to force it in place before it can do 'the thing' that all fitted sheets somehow do. He bought a bird feeder so he could watch the wildlife as he drinks his tea for breakfast. Speaking of tea, he has a whole collection! And the good shit, you know he won't settle for any less.

He's just A DUDE© at the end of the day and I love those mundane things because hell, he needs them to still feel human and to be reminded exactly what he's fighting for

I just find it so silly and ridiculous when he's consistently like "I'M Batman: I AM THE NIGHT" sheer dramatic levels of broody in stories or when he's put in as this mega dommy bad boy who is 6'5", growling constantly, and is like the posterchild for a wattpad biketok fanfic.

Lmaooo be for real, he's out here doing arts and crafts to make his masks. He has a whole paint collection and everything. He went into the craft store for paint and came out with two new hobbies and no, I'm not listening to anyone who says otherwise

[sykestarot]

who's watching your social media?

1-2-3 (left to right)

I DO NOT OWN THESE IMAGES

Hi guys sorry for the break last week it was my birthday lol! But this week I felt called to do a who's watching your socials post. Maybe it can give you some insight right before valentines day! Thanks so much for the support and for stopping by :)

Pile 1

“cause when you’re fifteen and someone tells you they love you you’re gonna believe them” (knight of cups; 8 of wands (rx); 3 of cups; 6 of wands; 2 of swords; the world)) Hi pile 1 I hope you guys are doing well!! So for you guys I see for who’s watching your social media is someone either you knew when you were younger or you are young right now. You could either be with them or broken up but I see this being your first love. I’m leaning more towards you guys who aren't talking or havent started talking yet because there is a sense of longing and a lack of communication between you two. This energy is very sweet. This person still carries at the very least a nostalgic love for you and wonders what could have been. For others you guys haven’t even started dating yet but there’s a mutual attraction and curiosity about one another. This pile is filled with youthful energy!! I would also say that the energy that Enchanted by Taylor Swift carries is the same energy you carry about each other. But I do see hesitance in communicating feelings and stolen glances from one another across a room. Maybe you guys have mutual friends and are around each other but never alone? I feel for this pile that this person is a masculine and also quite youthful. I don't feel an age gap so you guys are probably the same grade/age. I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t feel like this person notices you and like it’s one sided but I promise they notice you for sure! I see that advice for you guys in this situation is to let the universe bring the blessings to you. Don’t try too hard! What’s meant for you will always find you and trusting the divine is the best and quickest way to receive your blessings. This reading was so sweet and cute. I hope everything works out Pile 1!  Signs: first love; highschool ; beat up car; friday night lights; screen doors; fireflies; innocence; brown hair; green eyes; levi jeans; converse; crisp morning air; dmv?; childhood friends

Pile 2

"can you hear the silence?" (8 of swords (rx); 6 of cups (rx); 5 of swords (rx); 2 of wands; 9 of wands; The Hierophant (rx)) Hi pile 2! I hope you guys are doing well, I’m going to preface this with I don’t think you want to speak to this person. So they’ve taken up stalking your social media. I feel like this person could make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. This could also be someone who you’ve recently cut off or stopped talking to. I see them being obsessed with your life. I’m not getting a specific masculine or feminine energy, but I do feel that this person has lots of envy when it comes to you. Maybe you got a job they wanted or achieved something that they couldn’t. I feel like this person could’ve been someone you considered part of your close circle. I also feel like you didn’t really give them an explanation as to why you stopped talking to them. You just kind of distanced yourself, either for your own safety or for your own peace. This could have also been a person you dated for a short time. If that’s the case I feel like you didn’t date for that long. This person might have worn glasses, I feel like black frames in specific and this person could also be a blonde. I do feel like you had felt some form of betrayal from this person though. I feel like they’re looking at your social media a lot because they want to know what you're up to in terms of who you’re with. Whether it’s a new person you're dating or new friend you’re hanging out with. However I just feel you minding your business so they’re obsession with who you’re with is a little eerie ngl. I do hope you guys are safe and know whether or not to take action against this person because for some I feel this could be a very serious and heavy energy. However for those where it is not so serious I see you genuinely not caring about this person which is so funny because they’re literally so stressed about what you’re up to and who you’re with. Anyways pile 2 I hope you guys are safe and sound and continue to do well for yourselves! Signs: crows; open fields; halloween; fall; october; wheat fields; dilapidated houses?; long distance; orange sunsets; midwestern; muddy boots; cigarettes; tattoos; brick walls?; night life

Pile 3

"I'd like to get know you, I'd like to take you out" (5 of swords; 2 of wands (rx); 9 of wands (rx); The Hierophant; 3 of pentacles (rx); 7 of wands (rx)) Hi pile 3! For you guys I see that there’s someone who watches your social media who wants to ask you out but they’re too shy. I also think that they might think you’re in a relationship? (are you?) But I see them having taken interest in you for a long time. I also feel like they have known you for a while. Maybe you guys are close friends and they think that telling you how they feel might ruin your friendship? I feel like though when someone flirts with you they get jealous and wonder if you would be receptive to them the way you are others. It also reminds me of not allowed by TV girl. I feel like they long to be close to you so much but just can’t find the guts to tell you and maybe even the words. I feel like you don’t event realize the effect you have on this person! I’d say that this person really loves you as a person and so to think about losing you completely would be so upsetting to them. I also see that you probably have had feelings for them as well at some point within this friendship. I think that you two might blame life matters for not getting with each other but if one of you doesn’t confess sooner or later I see that you could miss out on a beautiful relationship. I do feel like there is also the possibility of being childhood or family friends here. This person might have dark curly hair that they like to keep at their shoulders. I feel like they also like to wear flannels or they are cold easily. There’s an innocence to how this person feels but I also think the idea of other people touching you in that way also really makes them upset. Out of all the piles this one is the most fueled with jealousy so I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone else feels like they could cut the tension between you two with a knife. Maybe you truly don’t realize or you play oblivious but I promise this person harbors some real feelings for you! Signs: film photos; ballet shoes; tutus; ballet buns; hailey baldwin; clean girl aesthetic; 80’s; pretty in pink; molly ringwald; muscle cars; europe; 555

[thestrangesthell]

Which version of his name do you like best? Laurince Beetle Juice (musical) Betelgeuse (intended for movie cannon) or and this last one comes with a explination. Nat(han) Beetle Juice jr (semi cannon from cartoon) - in the cartoon his mother calls him Jr, and his father is called Nat. So in my head his first name is Nathan...

I didn't think this would be a long one, but here we are. Strap in!

Betelgeuse is my ultimate ultimate favourite because it's so silly.

Now that we know a bit more about his lore, being a "humble" grave-robber, this name is just so super duper ridiculous.

Like, who goes through 9 months of pregnancy and says "yeah, I'm naming this guy Betelgeuse."

That said, I think there's more to his name and the power significance than that. We may never know, but we can theorise.

As for Laurince (Lawrence?) - I hate it.

I'll break down why.

Names in the Beetlejuice universe(ses) are very important. Obviously the main man himself has a curse attached to his. In the Toonverse, names are often puns or indicative of a character's nature.

In the movie verse, names reveal more about characters.

One example is The Maitlands. The last name "Maitland" is Scottish-English and means "bad tempered," which fits perfectly with the Maitlands' fed-up attitude towards the Deetzs. It also works the other way, with them trying to appear "evil" and nasty to get the Deetzs out, but ultimately failing to do so.

It also sounds a little bit like "maintain," mirroring their desire to keep things just the way they are.

So, what about Lawrence rubs me the wrong way? It's used as a gag.

Firstly, there is no reason for his name to be Lawrence. From what I recall from the 2019 bootleg, they don't explain it afterwards, so it's just mini shock-factor. It's absurdly weird and prompts a laugh, and that's about it.

That said, I always thought it was a joke, because you can't trust everything Betelgeuse says, in any universe.

If it's not intended as a joke, then I have a few other problems with it

It irks me because I feel like very little thought went into it. Besides the name sounding as far away from 'Betelgeuse' as possible, it heavily implies character lore - lore the audience is never made privy to, which ultimately comes off as lazy writing.

If your show is going to open up boasting about a "bold departure from the original source material," live up to it. Challenging original canon, names and fundamental character traits isn't "a bold departure", it's bad writing - and disrespectful writing at that.

It's also a sign you that your main goal is desperately wanting to have a hit musical, but you are creatively unable to write a story (at the very least) half-attempting to follow canon lore from a beloved source. So, you change up nearly everything besides 'inspired' character looks, a few names and re-write pretty much everything else.

One thing you simply cannot challenge in Beetlejuice is the importance of names. If you're gonna give him a different name, set it up! In my opinion, the musical fans deserved something way more thought-out when setting up a 'real' or "first name" for Musical!Juice. Give it lore!

Maybe it's because I utterly detest the fact they made Juno his mother, among other things...

Anyway.

As for the Toonverse, Mr. Beetle ("Jr") Juice has always cracked me up. The cartoon is ridiculous. Beetlejuice is a Neitherworld native in this universe, so it makes sense that this is his name is literally Beetle Juice. I really like that in BJ2, Wolf Jackson calls him "Mr. Juice." It's a really nice call back to the original toon.

And I always though that "Nat" was a nickname playing on "gnat" (like the mosquito thingies), but I really like that Nathan headcanon! Makes me imagine a rebellious Toonverse Teen!Beetlejuice refusing to be called by his birth name lol.

[graveyardcuddles]

I never really understood when people talked about "the pain" of falling in love with fictional characters. I've had crushes on fictional characters before. I knew people fell in love with fictional characters. Those people described their feelings as beyond a crush and that they truly, genuinely in love with their character. But I never really related to those feelings. Not until Astarion.

I know this post is gonna sound silly to some but I actually teared up a lil writing this lol.

It's kinda crazy to experience this feeling for the very first time at my age. Maybe it's because of the video game romance aspect, which I had never really experienced before bg3. Maybe it was because I met Astarion at a time in my life where I was desperately lonely and isolated.

I was very much in my trauma of something terrible that had happened to me a few years prior that I'm still healing from and will carry with me for the rest of my life. I was abandoned by my friends and family in this crisis and left to pick up these pieces. I lost the opportunity to fulfill some of my biggest dreams. I generally felt broken, ugly, and unlovable.

And then this beautiful man comes into my life and makes me smile and laugh so much more than I've smiled or laughed in literal YEARS. He's this delightful combination of vampire tropes I adore that just tickles me and makes me hang onto his every word.

His flirting is over the top and silly, sure. But I can't help but fall for it because he calls me "darling" and "beautiful" and like....I've literally NEVER flirted with by ANYONE I felt attracted to before. I know a lot of people criticize Astarion fans who fall for his flirting right away for "falling for the act," but it's hard not to when you're not used to feeling desired. For once in my life, it felt nice to be desirable.

And of course, the more I found out about him, the more and more I fell in love with him and wanted to do everything I could for him. Finding every little way to get approval from him in the game. Finding every conversation you could have with him. Dressing him up. Leveling him up and making him stronger. Romancing him. Killing his abuser with him. Freeing him. Finally completing his quest and then getting that last scene with him at the epilogue.

It was after the epilogue scene that I realized I couldn't get enough of him. Thst I was actually MISSING him when I wasn't playing the game. And worse, I started wishing I could literally experience the relationship my Tav has with him. That I he could look at me like that, kiss me like, hold me like that.

I started thinking I really wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to find a nice, sweet, funny bi/pansexual man I could get to know. I downloaded a dating profile. But it didn't take very much time swipping through profiles before I realized I wasn't really looking for any boyfriend. I was looking for an Astarion in the guys on this app. I ultimately felt like it wasn't fair to them to hold them to that expectation.

So I gave up on the idea of dating for now (I have other things going on in life that make that hard, but yeah). My desire to find Astarion in someone else wouldn't end well, probably. I still feel such a strong love and desire for him it actually hurts my heart.

Even so it still took me a LONG time to admit I actually LOVE Astarion, and that this isn't just a regular crush. I didn't WANT to be in love with a fictional character. But after failing to connect with anyone on the dating app I realized this went deeper than just wanting a relationship. This was about wanting a SPECIFIC relationship, one that had serious limitations compared to a "regular" romance.

I know he's not real. And that's part of where the pain comes from. I desperately wish he was real. Or at least a version of him who's in a more healthy, healed place and ready for a relationship. I know one day I might be able to find someone who's somewhat like him. But I'm too afraid I don't have enough to offer a real person for a real relationship right now. I don't know if I ever will be. I know Astarion will always be there for me, though. At least in my heart.

It is painful to be in love with a fictional character. But I do think that is what I feel for Astarion. I think about him every day. He makes me smile and laugh. I picture a life with him all the time. And the joy I receive from thinking about him FEELS like him loving me back.

Astarion has even motivated me to improve myself for the better, somewhat. I make an effort to take care of myself more partially because I feel like he would judge me if I didn't lol.

[furiroad]

Furiosa spoilers under the cut 🚗

It's actually staggering how much that movie did not need to exist. Gonna bullet point some thoughts

My sarcastic lol @ the lightning fast sisters cameo at the end where they're all played by completely different people. the quick flash of Cheedo's eyes bc they managed to get Courtney Eaton back for three seconds didn't appease me

I guess it technically passes the bechdel test bc right at the start Furiosa says "be still" to Valkyrie but iirc that's the only pass moment. I know not passing the bechdel test doesn't mean the movie is automatically bad I just think it's interesting considering it's following Fury Road

"she talks to her mother" I don't think they ever said her mum's name out loud

You know how mad max fury road could have a silent version w no dialogue + isolated soundtrack and it worked because you could tell what's going on anyway? This movie has the opposite problem. Way too much talking. They over-explain everything

The best bit was the prolonged torture scene at the end where Hemsworth explains Furiosa's entire character arc and the message of the movie out loud to her and also us

Even his teddy had an arm missing, replaced with a barbie arm. Thanks. We get it

Her arm made robot noises

Actually threw MY arms up in disgust when she went back for that boy she supposedly had a romance with despite the film never bothering to actually show/explain that. I'm calling it a romance because the actors did. I guess it was supposed to be a Capable/Nux parallel but it didn't work for me and not just because I'm a dyke and a hater OK, if you're gonna do a ROMANCE, DO A ROMANCE. don't leave me sitting there wondering why Furiosa is risking it all for some guy she's had ONE conversation with, especially after he offers to get her away from the Citadel and back to where she came from, WHICH IS HER ENTIRE MOTIVE EVER SINCE SHE WAS TAKEN

I DON'T GET IT

Them trying to emulate Max and Furiosa's instinctive, perfect we have to trust each other moment by having Jack and Furiosa... look at each other Meaningfully fifty times while they were supposed to be driving cars? Don't make me laugh! You will never be them!!

Max being there for a second wasn't cute! I rolled my eyes

Same at "remember me?" MAKE UP YOUR OWN STUFF

So many things happened because they needed to happen (plot demanded it) and didn't make any sense in context. My favourite was when Furiosa rode her motorcycle up a dune to get away after cutting off her arm and the biker gang couldn't follow her up there for some reason

So much Christian imagery... threw me off tbh

Considering it's Furiosa's movie it sure isn't about her + she doesn't speak at all for almost the first half

This movie was way too long

I called it about the peach seed

I called it that she cut her own arm off

George Miller read some of my blog but not all of it

You know how The People Eater rubbed his nipple that one time and it was delightfully weird and gross and got a good reaction? Well in this movie he's constantly rubbing it, the whole time. Really lessens the impact of the nipple rub

As you can see this movie has made me insane

Like this is not really about the nipple rub but do you get what I'm saying here

Furiosa spends most of the movie hiding her hair (because as we all know, having long hair immediately identifies you as a woman) and then when her head covering gets knocked off and her hair is revealed (omg she's a girl) she leaves it like that and becomes an Imperator. On what planet

The history man frames the entire movie for some reason. Do they show Miss Giddy? Take a wild guess

One of the coolest parts of fury road was that a gang of bikers ended up being hardcore wasteland grannies w guns and loose morals in response to people fucking around for far too long without finding out. Did this movie have anything like that for me? Take a wild guess for a second time

The car fight scenes weren't even that great. Couldn't remember hearing any good music under them (brother in arms truly lightning in a bottle) and they went on for too long which feels wild to say about suped up car battles in the australian wasteland: 2 but oh well. This is how I feel. Fury Road was so good at carefully measuring out high octane action and then downtime and careful, quiet character introspection and this movie had no idea what it was doing either way

Honestly I don't hate it but I feel like it was a waste of time and it doesn't need to exist at all. A real nothing experience. Am I going to see this movie ten times in cinemas? No I am not even going to see it twice in cinemas

I don't know what I was expecting.

oh my god also they played clips of Fury Road over the credits as if to say "remember how fucking good this is in comparison to the dumb shit you just watched"

[incesthemes]

I'm coming to bother you even though you're asleep because your sad long dead gay arctic explorers are haunting me so you have to deal with the consequences of your actions by me asking you to talk.

I'm curious to know your thoughts on Tuunbaq. How well you think he worked as a plot device in general in the amc, whether the book portrayed it in any different ways (I believe you said you read the book, might be wrong, ignore this if you had), anything interesting you've happened to read about it through your other research into the sad dead tent men, whether you really really fucking hated the cgi, etc.

I'll be back to haunt you with questions about Jopson but right now my brain is just record scratch sounds and sobbing so you're gonna have to wait for something coherent to come out of that mess lol

i am AWAKE now and i gotta say i wasn't expecting the jopson talk last night to lead into tuunbaq but that's okay. he's my perfect fluffy wuffy teddy bear who can do no wrong

i think others have said this kinda thing better than i ever could, but i really do like how tuunbaq is used in the show. he's like a manifestation of colonial hubris—the embodiment of fuck around and find out. they came to the arctic and destroyed the ecosystem, and their imperialist entitlement to conquer the land was inevitably their downfall. and i like that it's the "land" itself (in a metaphorical way, through tuunbaq) that shows them that entitlement is nothing but a false, vain hope. it doesn't matter what you think you're owed; the world doesn't exist for you to exploit and command, and it will not bend to your will.

because like, if gore and bryant had hesitated before shooting the shaman, tuunbaq likely would never have been a problem for them, right? he certainly wasn't in the 8 months since they'd gotten stuck in the pack. had they been peaceful and had they respected the land and its people, nature never would have clapped back. it was retaliation and defense. and the explorers' escalation of the issue—trying to hunt the bear, again out of entitlement to conquer and dominate—only caused further harm. they paid the ultimate price because they couldn't let go of their own entitlement and imperialism. they refused to listen to the netsilik, they pursued vengeance and sought dominion, and they died.

(i think about that inuit account a lot where it was said that the netsilik provided a group of starving men with an igloo and seals to eat, and they came back months later to discover the seals untouched and the men consumed. that they chose cannibalism over adaption to the local food sources is a horror in itself and an exemplar of the hubris these men carried with them—while the show depicts them as more sympathetic to the netsilik (really hard to get worse than this real account, no matter how hostile the show characters are), i think it does a good job of presenting the mindset of the real expedition)

i haven't read the book though, and based on the reviews i've seen of it i don't have much motivation to either. i may end up reading it in the future but i don't currently have plans for it. as for the tuunbaq himself, i don't think much(?) of him was actually cgi! he has a whole uhhhhh like. i don't know the word or i've forgotten what it is. but he's real:

i don't know much about his production though, and i actually thought he was cgi too until i saw this picture!!! the actual cgi from what i've seen of it (i haven't had much of a chance to look at the BTS stuff tbh...) is really well done. i didn't even realize they weren't like, submerging these poor actors in frozen water until i saw the greenscreen 😭

for tuunbaq's design, i don't know. i've become endeared to his weird human face, but i prefer the Long Neck version which is apparently the book description of him. i just think it's crazy and kooky, and the fanart i've seen of the book tuunbaq is just so awesome. sufficiently creepy for a "monster" but also extremely compelling.

anyway i love tuunbaq. he's the chilling manifestation of colonial hubris. he's blanky's wife. he's my good buddy and best friend. i'm his biggest fan forever 💖