#so you know it's going to be emotionally devastating obvs

[wisteriasymphony]

ok I drew everything by hand how do i will all of these pencil sketches into being a fully digitized animatic already NO CAPCUT NO ADOBE NO WORTK REQUIRED!!!!

[aurorawest]

Another reading update

Epitaph by Mary Doria Russell - 4.25/5 stars

Surprise queer love story at the end! Also made me regret that we didn't stop in Tombstone, AZ, when we drove by it on our vacation to Arizona last year.

The Jasad Heir by Sara Hashem - DNF at pg 18

Prince and Assassin by Tavia Lark - 5/5 stars

This book was A DELIGHT. I didn't expect to love it so much because I've been burned by so many Rainbow Crate selections, but goddamn this one was good. I ordered the next five books in the series from the parking ramp where we watched the eclipse, lol.

Briarley by Aster Glenn Gray - 4.75/5 stars

The gay, WWII retelling of Beauty and the Beast you didn't know you needed. Really lovely novella.

New Adult by Timothy Janovsky - 4.5/5 stars

Time travel! Crystals! I'm a sucker for books where the main character realizes that their career isn't everything (clearly, since my debut novel is about that). I love Timothy Janovsky. He's so good at writing characters who are deeply unlikable but who you root for from page 1 to get their shit together.

Stars, Hide Your Fires by Jessica Mary Best - 3/5 stars

A Glorious Mess by Kennedy Sutton - 4/5 stars

This is a prequel to a series I haven't read, but I really enjoyed it!

The Midnight Kingdom by Tara Sim - 4.25/5 stars

This is another high fantasy where I was like, okay, what happened again in the first one...? It slowly came back to me, haha. I love Tara Sim and this book was just as good as the first in the series. Definitely excited for the conclusion.

The Body in the Back Garden by Mark Waddell - 4/5 stars

Cozy mysteries aren't really my thing, but I really liked this one. There was enough violence to keep it from twee overload.

The Bookseller's Boyfriend by Heidi Cullinan - 4/5 stars

The Path by Ariel Tachna - 4.25/5 stars

Aka, now I want to hike the Inca Trail. This was a great book about two guides on the Inca Trail in Peru (and if you know me you might know I have interest in guiding). Not only was the book just good, but I loved the exposure to a country that I don't know much about.

The Bachelor's Valet by Arden Powell - 5/5 stars

Hello????? This book is so good???? If you loved Freya Marske's The Last Binding trilogy, give this series a shot. It's very lighthearted, and I loved dumb, kindhearted Alphonse with all my heart from the first sentence. Also the cover is super pretty, I had to keep taking breaks to stare at it.

Assassin by Accident by EJ Russell - 4/5 stars

Tramps and Vagabonds by Aster Glenn Gray - 5/5 stars

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Okay so I knew I'd love this book, because I went feral for Honeytrap, which I read last year. God this one was so good too. It's about two young men who ride the rails in the Midwest during the Depression. James is homeless and Timothy has parents he could go back to...except he's in love with James, obvs. If you're a fan of Cat Sebastian's mid-century books (We Could Be So Good, The Cabots), PLEASE read this. Gray deserves to be much more widely read.

The Kingdoms by Natasha Pulley (reread) - 5/5 stars

Here's my copy after rereading:

Those are all the spots that were particularly emotionally devastating. This reread secures The Kingdoms as my favorite Natasha Pulley book. Maybe my favorite book, full stop. Missouri and Joe, god be still my heart.

[coffeestainedcamera]

Anyways, time to obsessively theory-craft while waiting on ep 3! Heavy spoilers, obv!

Okay, so I'm not sure Lu Guang is in the clear yet. We had that poster where only Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling are wearing black formal clothes, but he isn't. Almost like they might be attending his funeral? Not too sure if this was part of the misdirection about his death before the air date, though. But then again, the crew sure loves emotionally devastating us viewers, so they might very well kill him off and have a season about Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling trying to save him. Our girl is in the know about the photo time travel and the superpowered killer now, so it'd not be surprising for her to be a co-lead. And we did have that ending sequence where she's the mission control, even though Lu Guang normally serves in that role.

I'm still not entirely sure that the killer will be responsible for offing him, though. They're in this for fun, so I think that they'd love to keep toying with the most powerful opponents they've gone up against yet. I do suspect they'll try to steal Lu Guang's powers, if they weren't bluffing about the matter in the season 1 finale. From there, I think that fate will be the other main villain, as he previously told Cheng Xiaoshi that death is an unchangeable node. So maybe if the killer doesn't want to end him, the universe will keep setting up bad ends to prevent a time paradox. Maybe it's punishment for potentially trying to save Cheng Xiaoshi from death in the other timeline. Not too sure how many times he lost him before the current timeline, but it'd explain the aggressive protectiveness. And maybe this talk of him being too mature for his age is a hint that he's been time traveling a while now.

Additional items of interest about the killer:

They say their powers are photo-related too, and we do see the Officer die after that lawyer steals a photo of him. Not lying about possession, then.

Most likely pushed him off the roof, and the manner of death overall reminds me of Emma. It's a clear taunt to the leads.

The last person who held the photo was the creepy kid, although it'd be a little too unsubtle. Maybe the crew is misdirecting us again?

The killer's manner of speaking in the russian subs for the post-stabbing confrontation is very informal. The vocab used is more likely to be used in a conversation between friends than acquaintances. They use ты/informal you with Cheng Xiaoshi upon an early meeting, which can be considered impolite/overfamiliar. It fits with their "do you wanna be friends with me, and only me?" schtick.

This stalker-ish moment is why I'm not completely discounting the possibility that they may off Lu Guang. He's an obstacle to Cheng Xiaoshi's attention, but offing him would make him mad. For preserving this "friendship", they might not do it.

It's very interesting that the russian subs for the main confrontation scene avoided gendered conjugations of words (and s1 has not back-added them, so I don't really have a comparison point). Can't comment on how faithful this is to the original voiceovers, but this ambiguity is very interesting indeed. Definitely preserves the feeling of basically anyone being a suspect for now.

Anyways, there's still a ton of missing puzzle pieces so uh. That's about it. Oh, and quick explainer of my understanding of the misdirection around Lu Guang's "death":

Two guys in critical condition at around the same time

Both go into the operating room

We begin cutting between these concurrent events, like when we had that scene of luring the killer to the photo studio

We never see their faces, and both are in bad enough condition that either could flatline

The killer didn't go at Lu Guang's throat at any point, so he shouldn't have the neck injuries

The man getting defibbed has neck injuries, therefore it's someone else

But of course, I was too shocked in the moment to think of any of this lol.

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 25: Short Run of The Centipede Express Season 1, Episode 26: The Invisible Robeast

Episode 25: Short Run of the Centipede Express apparently the gg are still in contact with arus because they're sending status reports of a centipede robeast blowing up asteroids in its path i'd rather not hear from the gg ever again thanks

i know this is post ep 20 now, but coran letting the team go observe that damn robeast who's literally a whole galaxy away is eating me whole, i will never forgive coran

Honestly the one thing dotu did right is showing straight up torture, like yea we know the rulers of doom are evil but seeing people forced into a gladiator ring against a robeast for refusing to work on a secret weapon and having the rest of the slaves watch is fucking despicable

Revolt! The slaves snapped after watching one of them get eaten by a robeast and are demanding freedom, sucks to suck lotor, if you kill them you won't get shit done, but if you listen you ALSO won't get shit done

Apparently planet Mora (the planet the weapon is being build on) helped Arus at some point, Hunk seems to remember it, so it must be real recent that's probably the writers way of justifying hunk and allura wanting to go down to help the people, but I think freeing them from slavery against an oppressive government is a good enough reason LMAO

Surprisingly, Keith Lance and Pidge went planet side through the lion head attack, where green literally disconnects her head and launches away, I thought they were going in green because she seems to be the smallest lion also allura wanted to go with Lance and Pidge, but Keith essentially told her to sit the fuck down because he was going instead and to keep watch with hunk LMAO

Where the fuck did pidge go, is he staying in green's head while Keith and Lance act out their spy kids dreams?

Oh god, they tried to censor some guards drinking on duty by calling it some kind of juice OINVSD It's a flask, it's so obviously a flask, though definitely would've worked on kids since they shouldn't have known what it was

ooh real talk time, this dude is swearing loyalty to lotor because he feels abandoned by Voltron, apparently his people helped arus after one of the attacks on it but when their planet own got taken over, voltron was busy elsewhere I understand where he's coming from, it's hard to ignore bad things when it's happening to you so when you actually need help and nobody comes it's devastating

The plan to destroy the secret weapon, which is a laser that's able to fry voltron, goes wrong because of that guy so keith and lance make a break for it the only reason the guy stopped the plan was because lotor was going to kill him, so i don't think he would've said shit if that didn't happen

Why is pidge still in the body of green lion?? I thought he fucking went with them! Everything is so confusing

Time to take down that laser gun, that dude is in charge of aiming it but after keiths pep talk about trusting voltron and not zarkon he ends up shooting it at the centipede express that's coming in for a landing with zarkon and haggar in it it misses, of course, but the guy ends up taking down a tower anyway

i mean i assumed the centipede express was a robeast but seeing it actually set itself up to be one was cool as fuck

Voltron was formed waaay earlier but the robeast is destroyed and the bad guys escape also keith and that one guy have a really weird and really emotionally charged stare for a bit lol

/episode end

Episode 26: The Invisible Robeast Haggar found out how to turn things invisible,,, great Lotor obvs is going to use that to kidnap Allura, sometimes I think that Zarkon isn't on his ass about being driven by his dick more than his head because taking Allura would still make voltron weak enough to destroy

Ew Nanny Pidge keeps inhaling apples, so now his favorite fruit are apples because I say so

your honor i love them

Lance giving Pidge advice on how/where to shoot so the princess doesn't get hurt is the cutest thing, I want to see more of them just being dofuses together

"i just don't like things i can't see" - Nanny you mean like your fucking attitude, but you can definitely see that so no wonder you don't have a problem with it

Keith saves the day from a falling boulder, I know allura going back for nanny was the ethical thing to do but also LEAVE HER TO DIE YOU DON'T NEED HER EVER ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF HER

The boys tell allura to stay in the castle since the robeast is going after her specifically, for once I agree since for now it's good for her to keep her distance as long as she's still watching Keith and Lance bait it to the desert and watching for it to cast a shadow before all 4 let loose on the thing, smart plan

Animation error? keiths background when he's in his lion is all white and just outlined oh all their backgrounds are like that, maybe to save money

the robeast attacks the castle and lures the boys underwater to blue's launch area, turns out we get confirmation that every lion but blue sucks at being in the water also it's princess time now, she's the only one who can actually do well down there

aaand she's knocked out again, but on the bright side the boys had time to figure out how to beat up the robeast and get her back while it was distracted

Voltron's formed, robeast defeated, everyone's safe, hooray!

/episode end

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Could you do something really small about Carson telling Brian and Ema about her abusive relationship for the first time 🥺 and how they react.

Oooo see the thing is with this like something would have to prompt Carson to open up to them about that and it does take a while to do so. It’s not that she doesn’t trust them or doesn’t feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with them at all, she adores Auston’s parents and from early on in hers and Auston’s relationship she wished they knew just how much their son meant to her and how he was picking up and piecing back together a heart that he didn’t break and just how that love she’s gotten from him has saved her from a lot of dark places because he provides her a light she can grasp onto. When she thinks about her ex and the abusive relationship she was in, she’s immediately taken back to the horrible place she was in mentally and emotionally. It was the lowest she’s ever been (aside from when her mom passed away but that’s obvs a different story) and she just really closed herself off from her loved ones and suffered alone. And it’s not that those most important in her life didn’t try to help, it was at a point where Carson was pushing them away. When she was going through that, there were a couple of relationships she had with people that didn’t make it through that lull and she doesn’t blame them for leaving but she was extra thankful for those who stuck around as she started coming out of it.

And that’s the thing, Auston was a huge part in her breaking down those walls she unintentionally put up because for whatever reason, he was able to crack through them with ease. There was something that just drew him and Carson together and he was so determined to see where it went but was so patient with Carson while she hesitantly opened her heart up to someone else after being betrayed and coming to terms with how she was abused by someone she thought loved her as much as she loved them.

Again, it’s just a topic that’s hard for her to talk about because then she relives it and it’s all quite traumatic for her. Earlier in her and Auston’s relationship there’d be some things that just triggered her and what kept her from spiralling was talking about it because then she could focus on moving on. Auston knew some of the extent of what Carson’s ex did before they even started a sexual relationship. He knew her ex cheated on her when they were still just friends having heard bits of the story from her and Mitch but it wasn’t until after they started dating that he knew the extent of the abuse she was experiencing while in a relationship with her ex and that took some time to come to light but Carson had to come to terms with it all first and as she did that she thought as her partner, Auston deserved to know. He was absolutely livid but also devastated when she told him because he didn’t understand how anyone could do that to Carson of all people and it’s just something they’ve navigated together. Auston did tell his parents about the abusive relationship before she talked to them about it, but he didn’t go into any details like for a while all they knew was that she had been in an abusive relationship and nothing more. Auston didn’t go into specifics because it wasn’t his trauma to share and it also made him really upset talking or even thinking about it.

Like I said earlier, I think something would prompt Carson to really open up to Auston’s parents about all of that. Like maybe it’s after they get engaged or maybe it’s after they find out they’re expecting Mia or around their wedding, there’s just something going on for them and it has Carson emotional thinking about how 19 year old her was convinced she was the problem and that she was meant to be alone but here she was with the man she loved more than anything in the world and who she knew loved her back the same amount, about to get married and with a family of their own. It’d be very overwhelming for Carson in a good way of course, but with that she’d be thinking about how far she’s come and I think that’s when she’d tell Auston’s parents about her abusive relationship. I don’t think she’d go into every little detail but she’d get the message across for sure and just end it with telling them how their son gives her a love she didn’t think she deserved and just going on to tell them how much Auston means to her and during all that I imagine Brian and Ema reacting very calmly, listening and processing everything Carson is sharing with them and they’d absolutely be upset thinking about it but with Carson being there with them and she’s just being so open and vulnerable, they wouldn’t show that they’re upset. They’d focus on where they are then and there, how Carson is part of their family and she’s not going back to the type of situation she was in. I def could see Ema tearing up a bit just thinking about it all as Carson told them but she wouldn’t interrupt, neither would Brian. They just listen and are shoulders for Carson to lean on and once she’s done telling them, they give her the biggest hug and tell her how she is their family and they’re so grateful to have her and how she deserves to feel the love and happiness she has now and that she’s not selfish for wanting that for herself. It’d just be a really sweet moment between the three of them

[roobylavender]

what your thoughts about the chihayafuru ending

so if you go on my chyfr blog (formashimataichi) you can scroll a little (i promise it's not a lot it goes by very quickly on desktop) and eventually it gets to my various asks and thoughts about the ending. generally i enjoyed it like do i think it was a bit rushed and haphazard in its execution yes but overall i appreciated the major takeaways and i don't think it devastated the story even though i was initially surprised by it. i was kind of in the middle camp in the sense that i could appreciate the tchy execution while also finding art's commitment to being with chy amusing lmaofjdslkgsd. like the way i pictured it before the ending came out i thought chy wasn't emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship at the time (and i would still stand by that) so if she was going to end up with anyone it would be years down the line (with art) yknow. but obv that didn't happen so the way i processed it in my head instead was like ok this this is the relationship she's in now and there's beauty in that and she doesn't need to know whether or not it's going to stick to enjoy it in the current moment. if that makes sense. so now i don't think she's going to end up with tc or art long term ajkfdsjagldfsh

[marikocent]

Your words came across so harsh on some lines ngl and knowing how this fandom has a history of blaming marinette for everything it really sounds like that. But anyway im not denying that adrien shouldn't be angry at her, he should be, and no she doesn't take his love for granted what??? Just bc she has a habit of keeping things secret??? she does provides him attention when he OPENS UP about his troubles and listens to him and validates him, her standing up to his father, her giving up her own feelings so adrigami can date, she loves him, she cares for him -> that's why she lied. This is the whole point. This is her character flaw. It isn't "she doesn't respect him". It's always been in-character for her to lie to her loved ones to make them happy. And this is present since bubbler s1 ep where she made scarf for him only to hide that fact after seeing how adrien was happy. *adrien happy* is what matters the most to her. she is narrow minded kid, she doesn't think like "im gonna side with gabriel now haha im enjoying taking him for granted" ???? Anyway let's just assume her mind isn't altered by the wish (god we don't even know how much the wish has impacted to what extent) so she knows everything like the audience, her lying to him what you said is indeed gonna hurt him later but she doesn't know how this would bite her back. she just wants him to be happy and when the inevitable truth comes out it would be hell for both of them. But you're forgetting what actually happened in that mansion.

Marinette didn't have a choice. Gabriel didn't give her the choice. He knew she had no other allies to help her out. He knew she was adrien's girlfriend. He knows she would do anything for him. He always wanted to screw their relationship. He always wanted to ruin his son's happiness so he emotionally manipulated her till his last breath and MADE her side with him to do his selfish act, we're talking about a grown man manipulating a child here so her being a kid literally plays into the narrative and gabriel's wish was to save his image. He eventually doomed marinette by putting her into that position and this situation shouldn't be blamed on her. After experiencing horrors in that mansion, she doesn't wanna tell the devastating news to adrien and this is objectively wrong way to go but understandable and flawed way of thinking. her unintentionally hurting adrien is that abuser's wish. Like you said what she did is understandable and so him forgiving her *afterwords* is understandable too cuz he would know she fought gabriel alone and was helpless and knowing his father put her into that position. Like that's how it would resolve things and this can be sort out by just talking it out and you don't need dramatic break ups to solve a conflict. especially knowing they're kids. her lying to make him happy after experiencing horrors in that mansion and not wanting to tell that devastating news IS forgivable. Simple. She's not an adult who should've known better. She isn't gabriel even if you think there are "parallels" she thinks differently. I think adrien being mad with her after that, when the truth comes out is enough to change her ways, she would be guilt ridden to see him devastated that I think the break up would come from her side if anything it's enough to drive a person insane after seeing you doing all that for them only to see them being upset at the end. There should be a limit to adrien's compassionate side yes but not hearing her out on this situation would only ruin their relationship further. Then what is the point of the show????? They're the main plot. And ephemeral is whole different case omg why are you bringing this topic into this conversation 😭, like obv that was wrong but given how s4 maribug kept things hidden bc of her trauma it felt fitting. Stop making lying seem like an unforgivable crime i can promise you this can be sorted out easily by opening up about each other's traumas and they have a long journey for that. When you consider marinette's pov only then you can understand why it went like that. The finale gonna have devastating consequences in s6 and yes that's why i said we just have to wait otherwise there's nothing more to say on this and make up narratives to get mad it does nothing but fuels character mischaracterization and salt and i dont have that much energy to do that.

im saying this for like 145867th time that he IS gonna be mad BUT he's also not the type to break things forever over his girlfriend lying knowing his father put her into that position. It is just not in-character as much as you want him to do it. Like ofc mari is held accountable for lying and now what??? No one is benefitting anything here. And did you really want adrien to not comfort her after just seeing her having a panic attack and her crying about how she failed everyone like of course he would crumble after seeing her in that state??? 😭 he DID get mad at her earlier in the episode too. Him prioritizing his own feelings when she's breaking down would be really shitty thing sorry. I want him to have agency but in the right way where it doesn't invalidate other's perspective. Also this isn't toxic please stop throwing buzzwords just bc they are in situations. They are kids being treated like shit by the adults in the end and they would eventually sort this out. Like that's the whole point and im pretty sure this isn't the show's ending and it was confirmed earlier that gabriel would be on s6 or atleast his presence would be still talked about.

I don't wanna debate anymore. You said things that I honestly disagree badly. I know ur allowed to feel bad that ur fav character is in this situation but marinette isn't the main culprit of this situation i just wanna say that. and her having that flaw is interesting and she would eventually work it out. And there are layers to this it isn't black and white topic but goodbye for now

This is just an unstructured, incoherent vent post, but I've seen a few posts recently about how Adrien would definitely forgive Marinette for keeping secrets from him because he loves her, or that he would blame himself for not noticing what was going on and not her. And those aren't wrong, per se, but this is what I mean by the show taking away Adrien's agency. Ultimately his choices are allowed only as far as they do not inconvenience Marinette or anyone else the narrative cares about, like Felix or Nathalie. Which is why Adrien is not allowed to grow, he is not allowed to prioritize his own feelings and emotional needs. Any wrong done to him is resolved by him putting aside his own feelings to forgive the people who wronged him. And yes, he has been taught that his feelings don't matter by Gabriel and that he should bend over to the whims of everybody around him. And that kind of makes it worse, how the effect of Gabriel's abuse is used to convenience everyone around him. I think it's gross.

Just look at the Ladynoir conflict from Season 4. Adrien brings up his grievances with Ladybug's treatment of him a few times, but ultimately, he ends up putting it aside to focus on her emotional needs when she is at her lowest. Kuro Neko gave us the message that it wasn't that Ladybug was treating Chat Noir unfairly, but that Chat Noir should stop expecting to be treated with respect and should stop having emotional needs. And at the end of Strikeback, nothing is resolved, Ladybug hasn't apologized to him or resolved to do better by him, but he still shows up to her side to comfort her. No, she didn't apologize to him. She admitted her mistakes but did little to correct them even after the fact. That whole arc ended with Chat Noir being treated poorly over and over, and yet coming back to Ladybug's side because he's such a good partner and he loves her so much.

And Adrien, a character who has been forced his whole life to bend to the whims of others to please them at his expense is doing the same thing to Ladybug. Adrien exhibiting this behavior is 100% a trauma response. Ladybug is supposed to be his escape from his abusive homelife. And yet, the show writes him falling back into his trauma responses with her (Kuro Neko) and does jack shit to portray it as a bad thing. And the Season 4 finale is once again Adrien putting aside his feelings and showing up to support her. Adrien's emotions are not validated, they are tossed aside. Ladybug admitted her mistakes as she did several times through Season 4, but she still did little to correct them. That admission in Strikeback doesn't do much, because we never see her do anything to fix her mistakes after that. What happened was that Chat Noir saw her in distress and decided his feelings were unimportant because she needed support.

This is not healthy. Adrien should not be invalidating his own feelings so that he can offer comfort to others. He shouldn't forget and forgive so quickly without the other person doing anything to correct their behavior towards him. Once again, this is how Gabriel has taught him to behave, to stop "being so emotional" and to conform to his expectations. And Adrien continuously downplays his own issues for others' sake. And obviously, we would understand that he can heal from this, that he can learn to take care of his own emotional needs first.

And quite frankly, all the posts about how we shouldn't want Adrien and Marinette to break up, or how we shouldn't be so hard on Marinette, or that she is just a child in tough situation, or that she is doing it out of love and that Adrien would forgive her kinda make my point. Because let's be real. What Marinette did is a serious breach of trust. I do not understand how anyone could forgive something like that quickly. And I understand why she did it. I don't think she is a bad person or anything like that. But it's still an awful thing to do. And frankly, I don't see how Adrien could just... instantaneously forgive her without invalidating and downplaying his own pain and hurt. If he did, I would seriously question his self-worth. And while I don't think Adrien would never forgive Marinette or that he would stop loving her, frankly, I would like to see more acknowledgement of his feelings and his emotional needs both from the fandom and the show. I would like to see that his feelings matter, that he is allowed to be angry and that he is allowed to hold people accountable and call them out. I would like for him to not forgive some people. I would like for him to require distance and space from them. That would be development for Adrien, to let himself be emotional and not feel the need to put his own needs aside for others.

But for Adrien to prioritize himself, it would mean acknowledging the harmful things characters like Marinette have done to him. And that can't happen, because all the purpose Adrien serves is as a plot device to connect Marinette to Gabriel, and actually having her be held accountable by the narrative for her choices is a big no no. Growth for Adrien would mean that he lets himself be angry at Marinette for how she kept secrets from him, never apologized for it, and ultimately ended up keeping the greatest secret of all from him about his father and the fact that he is a Sentimonster. But as the writing to this point shows, Marinette isn't a safe space for him where he is allowed to be himself. She is someone who also elicits his trauma responses from him. He doesn't let himself be angry with her, he always puts himself last when it comes to her.

I am not saying Marinette is in any way comparable to Gabriel. She is nowhere as bad as him, she does not come close to that in any way. Marinette is a good person. But what she did in the finale, is explicitly something that Gabriel wanted her to do. Gabriel wanted to continue to dictate his son's emotions and perceptions, and Marinette helped him do it. That's not a healthy relationship. And looking at all the Marinette-Gabriel parallels in Season 5... it's not a good look at all. The show portrays Adrien as someone who has been denied autonomy his whole life, and as someone who is expected to cater to the desires of the people around him and be perfect for them while neglecting his emotional needs, and made his arc one of finding independence and his own identity and learning that his feelings and desires matter. But also, they only matter as far as they don't inconvenience Marinette. Adrien shouldn't downplay his feelings, but if doing so would help Marinette, then he should do it actually. And it's hard for me not to see it as Ladybug benefitting from his trauma from his abusive home. It sounds harsh, but that's how it feels.

And all the talk of how Adrien would never hate Marinette and that he would forgive her is... disappointing to me. Because I don't necessarily disagree, but it still is about prioritizing Marinette's feelings over Adrien's. What is focused on is not how Adrien might feel betrayed, but how Marinette might feel sad about Adrien feeling betrayed by her, and reinforces that Adrien is so good because he would not hold it against her. Even though he should, even though it means he would be downplaying his pain massively if he didn't blame her for that. If Adrien's character should develop, he should be allowed to realize that he has the right to get angry and that he doesn't have to downplay his emotions or feel like it's all his fault. He should be allowed to do that without people jumping to Marinette's defense and excusing her of blame.

Throughout the series, Adrien has been the person to help Ladybug through her problems, and the narrative has never allowed her to do the same for him. And I want to see focus on Adrien for a change. I want to see someone other than Plagg reassuring him and supporting him, especially his partner. I want to see the narrative be less about "oh, Adrien would never hold anything against Marinette because he loves her and would understand her always," and be more "actually Adrien is allowed to prioritize his feelings and want distance from Marinette after she betrayed him in such a personal way." That would be development. That would be reclaiming his agency. That would be free will and autonomy. I would like to see focus on this in the show and the fandom.

Adrien is not obligated to forgive Marinette. He is not obligated to understand her reasonings for why she did what she did. He is allowed to be angry at her and express his hurt because of her actions. Seasons 4 and 5 have regrettably established Marinette as someone else who denies Adrien's agency and around whom he reverts back to his fawning trauma response, and quite frankly the best thing for him to do would be to break up with her and go find himself on his own terms. I want his character to develop and grow, and unfortunately, Seasons 4 and 5 proved to me that it would not be possible as long as he is around Marinette, both from a character and narrative standpoint.

I just wish people would acknowledge and validate Adrien's perspective and feelings more. Even if it means calling out Marinette. Gabe is Adrien's abuser but he isn't the only one who has hurt Adrien in the story. Marinette is an incredible and amazing person but as far as we've reached in the show, she is hurting Adrien. And she has done many things across these two seasons that violate Adrien's trust. It's not even that this is a mistake she could learn from, but that she has done several such things over and over. From keeping secrets about the Miraculous holders' identities even though Hawkmoth himself knew, to Rena Furtive, to trying to trick him into an identity reveal in Ephemeral, and now keeping the fact that he is a Sentimonster and that Gabe is Monarch from him. It's gone from secret keeping to outright lying to him. It is not healthy. And it is a sign of stagnation and regression in Adrien's growth if he continues to keep forgiving her over and over again despite her never fixing her behavior.

If Adrien's arc is about finding autonomy, then he cannot be with someone who is complicit in denying him the ability to make his own choices. If Marinette was supposed to be the knight in shining armor, they shouldn't have given her the key to the tower and have her hide it away. If she was supposed to save him, they shouldn't have had her condemn him further. If Marinette was supposed to be the one who helped Adrien regain his self worth, the person whom he could trust and rely on the most, they shouldn't have made her side with Gabe, deny Adrien his agency, and violate his trust so many times.

It didn't have to be written this way, but these were the decisions made by the writers. They chose to portray Marinette like this for no discernable reason and refused to acknowledge it or deal with it meaningfully. Adrienette is so profoundly unhealthy now that if Adrien's character is to grow, the only way for him to do that is to break up with Marinette. But the show has also made it very clear that Adrien is only a plot device and a trophy for Marinette at the end. So I have no doubt that all will be forgiven in a matter of minutes, and the narrative will praise Adrien for being traumatized and denying his own emotional needs to comfort Marinette as she feels bad for hurting him. And it's sad, but I guess it is what it is.

[bellaslilpapercut]

So I've been reading a lot of (read: all) of @ zalrb 's metas on TVD and relationships (not tagging her bc I know she doesn't care about twilight but if you like TVD check out her meta master list!!!) and it gave me the epiphany that twilight would have been so much more romantically poignant if only Edward had the frenzied feeding issue. (Adding a cut because I rambled a lot more than I meant to lol)

A few people have brought up before that the new moon party scene would have served the story better (in every way) if Edward had been the one to attack bella, not jasper, and I fully agree. It could still make sense if Jasper had some control issues (insofar as jaspers character being there makes any sense at all lol) but Edward fully should have been the one to attack Bella. It would make Bella’s nightmares, her trauma, and the moment she decides to save him anyway all the more impactful if she had actually seen Edward lose his shit at her scent. 

And as others have brought up, the dilemma in Eclipse would have been more impactful as well. Bree Tanner’s chapter would have actually had the effect on Bella that smeyer tried to feign. Bella would have more difficulty choosing vampirism for herself if she had seen her beloved Edward at his absolute darkest (rather than just hearing him tell her about his past killing sprees). 

As for what this would change for the other vampires, I don’t think it would really alter much. Carlisle could still have superior never-tasted-human-blood control, the others’ nonchalance at their past slip-ups would make even more sense because like, why feel bad about feeding from humans if none of them actually died. IMO it only really makes sense for Jasper, Alice, and Carlisle to not care much for human life: Jasper and Carlisle because they have been vampires for so long and Alice because she was “born” with no ties to her own humanity. (But obv bc of who Carlisle is as a character, he does still care for humanity.) 

Smeyer tells us repeatedly that her vampires are stuck in the mind they were turned with yet this is only really apparent in Carlisle and Rosalie. Both value human life greatly but in Rosalie’s case the circumstances of her turning enabled her to make the exception for the men (and two hired guards of the men) who raped and attempted to murder her. From what I remember, smeyer mostly emphasizes the hunger that comes with the transformation. Hunger alone is not enough to make a former human completely forgo their humanity- these people should be a lot more torn up about killing so many people especially “younger” vampires like Esme and Emmett, but both are canonically fine with it. 

Now, if vampires didn’t have to kill to feed, it’s a lot more understandable and furthermore makes the Cullens more likeable. She wants us to see them as caring but then tells us that they’ve all killed before for a meal and Carlisle literally had to force them to empathize with their victims. But if Edward is the only one that can’t feed without going into a frenzy, it makes a lot more sense. Esme and Emmett don’t really understand his position because it’s easy for them to feed from humans sometimes and then hop right off the bandwagon- no murder, no guilt. Rosalie doesn’t understand his hunger, Alice and Jasper don’t care much about human life at all, and Carlisle was perfectly controlled from the beginning. Now Edward’s angst also makes more sense, it isn’t just that he’s been surrounded by “perfect” couples, he’s surrounded by people who are far less monstrous than he even though all of them are vampires. 

Getting back to how this wouldn’t really change the worldbuilding either: the Volturi would still need to exist because presumably there would be more vampires like Edward who couldn’t help themselves, and other vampires who were sloppy about their feeding habits. (Okay I will admit that in a world where vampires don’t have to kill to feed, the Volturi don’t necessarily need to protect humanity as much but I do think the need would still be there because if vampires were discovered, it could still lead to a devastating war between the two groups with humans obviously at a disadvantage.) It would also make more sense as to why so many vampires are almost offended by the Cullen “diet.” As I mentioned, smeyer doesn’t say that her vampires can’t see humans as people or that turning into a vampire automatically makes you view humans as only a food source. A lot more vampires should be struggling with the need to kill humans in her world, especially when they are first turned, but from what I recall, they don’t. Even Bella doesn’t care that much at first when she is about to kill a random hiker but it should gut her (especially if she is as “good” as the narrative wants us to believe) that she wanted to kill a human. It should haunt her. 

But if vampires could feed without killing, obviously they wouldn’t give a damn about Carlisle’s diet. They would be hard pressed to try it. It would also make more sense to start seeing humans as meals nearly instantly because there wouldn’t be any internal turmoil. I could even see someone like Bella seeing vampirism as a step up ethically to humanity because when humans want meat, they have to kill. Vampires just have to take a little sip. Anyway that was a long winded way of saying: I think it would serve the story better if vampires didn’t have to kill to feed and I think it would fit well into the world smeyer built.

Now to return to Edward: if he is the only vampire Bella meets that genuinely struggles with feeding, that is haunted by the people he’s killed in the past, everything about his character and the “poignancy” of his love for Bella that smeyer tried to sell us fits into place a lot better. Bella could be the first human that truly sees Edward for all of what he is- especially after he attacks her- and still forgives and accepts and loves him regardless. This is one of the things that TVD did well with Stefan and Elena and why I believe them as a love story over Edward and Bella. In twilight canon, Edward overcomes his vampirism for Bella but he already had pretty good control until Bella “threatened” it (I put that in quotes because after Twilight, it isn’t portrayed as a big issue anymore) and other vampires are all overcoming the same shit, big whoop. Carlisle did the same exact thing for Esme, why would I believe that Edward and Bella are so much more in love? 

But if it was a unique struggle for Edward, I understand. If it was expressly Edward’s relationship with Bella that helped him overcome his self loathing and doubt, if she refused to see him as a monster after he actually showed her how monstrous he could really be, then I get it. As twilight is now, I have to roll my eyes when they say no one has ever loved anyone the same way because Carlisle/Esme and Rosalie/Emmett had the same obstacles in their way (albeit for a shorter period of time) and all have these same cravings as Edward with the same consequences as Edward and none of them are as torn up about it. Smeyer actually made Edward “better” at controlling his urges than most of his family because she didn’t see that for someone to be “tortured” in the way Edward is, they would need unique consequences, they would need a unique struggle that validated that emotionality Edward displays through all four books. It’s laughable when Edward calls himself a monster because, dude, everyone else is in the same boat and they’re fine! Grow up! You have to give him the context that would make that angst understandable and twilight just doesn’t do that. 

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

sorry for all the harry potter posting in 2021…. but like….. reflecting on just how dark the later books were/are, why on earth did every harry potter fan always romanticise having a movie marathon with the movies??? like yeah, it’s basically what i’ve been doing for the last few weekends staying at my sister’s on my own…. and since i’ve been awake this morning, i’ve gone through ootp, hbp and deathly hallows part 1 so far….. and like…… these movies, to me, aren’t really made for marathon watching/binge watching in a sense….. due to the heavy subject matter imo. they’re made to be standalone (although part of a series) viewed movies one by one, not back to back to back in succession; when there’s just so many incredibly substantial themes like death and obviously racism, systemic corruption etc etc. to be thought about while watching.

like of course everyone is going to say that im reading far too deeply into this and that the hp books and movies are trash….. but like the constant romanticisation in the 2000s and early 2010s of wanting to do harry potter marathons as if they were as cutesy and happy go-lucky as romcoms…. or simply just as lighthearted kids movies backed by whimsy and fuzzy feelings back in the day, was just so fucking backward.

like obvs since im older now, i can see that harry was abused by petunia & vernon for example. and by reading other teen fiction (specifically aussie YA fiction series’ tomorrow when the war began series and the ellie chronicles trilogy); harry’s horrible dreams/flashbacks of cedric before/after he was killed in goblet of fire is a symptom of PTSD (which i read in harry potter essays in uni when i did i philosophy essay on epistemic injustice in ootp in the courtroom scene). i can actually see how harry is being used as a pawn by dumbledore in his master plan. and obvs in analysing these things im putting my apparently “useless” arts degree in english and philosophy to use lmao. and of course as kids, we either ignored those themes or never picked up on them because they went straight over our heads.

on this bent then, another YA movie series that is NOT made for binge watching is the hunger games. which i found out to my own kind of detriment last year….. considering that i had never bothered to read the books back when they were popular past the titular namesake hunger games book (and had also forgotten all the early 2010s tumblr posts about how dark it was)…. while deciding to watch all the movies til catching fire part 1 in a binge watch sesh in the middle of 2020. the binge watch sesh was also spurred on by the book about young president snow that came out in 2020 lol.

so last year, when i finally decided to watch hunger games, i could actually understand and contemplate the political ramifications of katniss’s & peeta’s behaviour and defiance… which was something that i completely brushed off while it was hugely popular in the early 2010s because it was “too political”…… while i utterly denied the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS major political undertones and themes in harry potter because i was so obsessed with it….. but I obvs was most specifically preoccupied with what hogwarts house i’d be in lmao and whether i was more like hermione/luna/ginny or a mix of all of them. like yeah. it was so backward.

of course, the HP movies do have a bingeable quality to them; but my god. from really goblet of fire onwards, they’re heavy as fuck and really don’t need to be binged back to back in succession….. like you can do with how i met your mother or Loki eps in terms of tv shows. or idek, for movies, old rom-com faves like suddenly 30/13 going on 30 or rom-coms starring sandra bullock (bc they’re some of my faves)…. or teen indie comedy faves like juno or napoleon dynamite.

bc harry potter at it’s core, is a war story, more obviously from the end of GOF til the end of the series. it’s heavy, it’s dark, and emotionally devastating (for me when i was younger obvs). in some scenes, such as when harry returns with cedric’s dead body in GOF and it’s backed by the cheery marching band music but then drowned out by fleur’s scream and amos diggory dramatically scream sobbing “MY BOOOOOY!!! MY SOOON!!! MY BOY IS DEAD!!!!” (which as a kid i used to laugh incredibly inappropriately at every bloody time i watched it)…. but NOW??? THE PAIN! THE SUFFERING! THE TURMOIL! which is finally paired with the sad score music and camera panning out from the tri-wizard cup school stadium??? oh! i am but torn asunder by it all (okay not really, but i feel amos’s pain more acutely and i can shed a tear or two is the point here). and speaking of GOF, it’s pretty sad that over the years, it’s always been reduced to “C A L M L Y” and hermione’s yule ball dress being pink instead of blue bc of both the real and supposed lack of book to film accuracy…. when there’s obvs more important things to focus on lol.

bc literally one of the most horrifying scenes in the gof movie for me, in retrospect, is voldemort being reborn???? and wormtail sacrificing his own hand to get that essentially cursed silver hand that ends up strangling him to death in DHP1. and also david tennant’s albeit very disappointingly short appearances as barty crouch jr???? that was good casting. and also the incredibly fucked up storyline in GOF of BCJ imprisoning the real mad eye moody in moody’s own enchanted chest for his hair for polyjuice potion???? it hit me last week again (bc it hit me in 2020 when i reread the series with audiobooks as well) just how ridiculously FUCKED UP and BATSHIT that ENTIRE storyline really was. and i read and watched that???? and was fine with it at 10 years old???? jesus christ lmao.

okay. i went a bit off topic and overboard. but y’all get what i mean??? it’s so weird that an entire generation romanticised a YA series that was essentially about a war in its later instalments (and obvs a full blown one by deathly hallows) as some cutesy marathonable story bc it was/is so whimsical and its filled with childhood memories. but in doing it myself over the last few weeks, it’s just not. it was definitely one of the heftiest book series for kids/teens back then. but also for the movies, aside for their run times mostly all being close to 3hrs long, they’re quite emotionally charged and are astonishingly dark & dense in subject matter/themes for a KIDS movie series for the backend of the series. and mostly the only reason it’s “marathonable” in a sense, is because we all know the story so well.

[littlebigafterdark]

patton's asthma attack and finally agreeing to try therapy

content warnings: hurt/comfort, detailed description of asthma attack, very brief mention of past eating disorder, crying (i always hav that tho)

i copy pasted this from mine and livs discord convo so thats why it might be formatted weird and i swear a lot also if you see "hhh yeah" then thats liv commenting hshshsh

patton has had a cough the past few days because BASICALY since priscilla (remys cat) visited hes been more breathless with his asthma but he didnt tell anyone bc he doesnt want to worry them or make it so vee never get to see priscilla again if she cant visit anymore

so his asthma is acting up but he ignores it - and hes had asthma cough for a couple days (which is a sign of an incoming asthma attack) but again hes ignoring it, hes so used to brushing off symptoms he doesnt click what it means and he diesn ttake his inhaler when he needs it

WAAAHH oh fuck oh my god oh god wait fuck i just realised

the moment patton gets his asthma attack its saturday afternoon, roman is little and playing with logan and vee isnt quite little yet but fae's on faer way there, fae is very giggly and playful and patton says "okay babygirl, lets go get you changed!"

and when he gets up from the couch he takes a moment to cough and just stand still a sec bc he got suddenly dizzy but he pushed through it to not worry vee, and he actually usually lifts her onto his hip straight away, but this time he very subtly is like "okay hold daddys hand while we walk to the stairs"

so they get to the stairs and patton of course lifts vee up, and theyre only a few steps up when pattons breathing gets really heavy. it makes vee frown and look at him and say "daddy am i heavy?"

and patton smiles and shakes his head, because hes too breathless to speak. but he pushes through and hurries up as fast as possible

once theyre at the top of the stairs, patton is wheezing. his chest is rattling and whistling and he suddenly loses his smile and quickly hurries away from the stairs to place vee gently on the hallway floor, and as soon as vee is safe patton wobbily sinks to his knees and leans his head against the wall. his eyes shut tight trying so so hard to breath but its realy whistly now

and vee of course panics. "dady? papa are you okay??" and whimpers when patton doesnt react and clutches at his chest

and it throws her out of her semi regression. she jumps up and hurries downstairs, a little wobbily but ultimately fine. and she speints to where logan and riman are and yells "daddys h havin a panic attack!" and instantly starts crying

logan and roman were in the middle of a game and smiling and laughing but as SOON as they hear that they jump into action. logan runs out of the room to go to patton and roman grows up and runs to vee and lifts her up to shush her cries and calm her down - they dont even share a single look before they do this, they both just instinctively know what to do

and logan of course finds patton and realises its an asthma attack not a panic attack - he goes into his emergency like emotionless mode where he just gets the job done. he asks clearly where patton keeps his inhaler and patton just shakes his head. so logan alarmed asks "you dont have a reliever inhaler??" and patton winces and shakes his head again.

logan sprints to his room into his bedside drawer to find tthe inhaler he keeps for emergencies double checking it hasnt expired

he sits with his legs around patton, patton leaned back agains his torso, and puffs pattons inhaler for him and times the attack and the puffs (knowing that if it isnt better after ten puffs and fifteen minutes they have to call an ambulance) and using his own deep breaths against pats back to help him recalibrate his breathing

luckily it only lasts 8 and a half minutes and 8 puffs - but logan is so so shaken about the fact that that was very close to requiring medical assistance, he had his ohone out ready to dial 911

once pattons attack is over he's finally breathing, short and deep at first gasping in the oxygen, but within a few more minutes of sitting against logan it slows down and is much calmer. hes very shaky because the reliever inhaler does that to you, and weak from the tax on his body, so logan helps him up into their nearest bedroom (pattons)

at first he calls roman to swap places with him and watch over patton hust so logan can change vee into a diaper since she regressed from fear as soon as roman picked her up and obv he cant change her diaper

so roman sits with patton while logan does that and roman is actually really quiet and awkward and nervous, just looking wide eyed at patton and hugging himself.

and patton feels bad abt that and whispers "its okay little prince, daddys not hurt. im sorry for scaring you, honey" and roman just chews his lip and nods and looks down and they dont talk again until logan is back and roman goes out to take care of vee and logan comes in to lie with patton and rub his chest soothingly

logan is distressed and frustrated and shaken at that point but he knows not to have their conversation until the next day bc patton will be emotionally and physically exhausted

but the next day they have a serious talk - logans pretty ANGRY that patton was so ignorant of his wellbeing that he didnt refill his inhaler, patton brushes it off but logan says its a good thing he secretly kept one for patton (bc he almost suspected this might happen)

it rly hits patton when logan tells him if he had needed anymore puffs than he took they wouldve had to phone an ambulance - like patton not wanting to worry his family by admitting his asthma was acting up backfired way more and has made them worry even more because he had a full attack that could have gone so much worse

the whole conversation is VERY stern and serious even at the start when patton smiles and chuckles and jokes and brushes it off logan just gets frustrated and upset. logan is SO angry literally he is glaring at patton when patton brushes it off and makes jokes abt it and he snaps.

logan actually very seriously tells patton this is self harm and patton goes WHAT nonono no its not i dont know why youre getting so worked up

and logan fucking SNAPS like "Youre not giving your body what it needs to survive because you dont think your worth that!! you're neglecting your basic needs to the point of needing urgent medical care, doesnt that sound familiar??? doesnt that sound like something we've both been through before???" clearly referencing his eating disorder

and pattons eyes go wide and he profusely apologises hes like im so sorry oh my gosh logan honey im sorry did i trigger you im sorry and logans just like STOP APOLOGISING this isnt about me its about you!

and he sso angry bc he thought they trusted each other but the fact that patton didnt tell him when he literally couldnt breathe is so scary to logan

but that is basically an argument bc logan was so fucking worried and devastated that patton has ignored his health to such an extent and vee gets nervous bc both her and roman can hear them yelling and she thinks the cgs will breakup bc they "had a fight"

but once theyre finished talking and vee shakily asks if theyre not gonna be a family anymore they'll of course comfort faer and talk abt it, its not a fight its a disagreement and mummys and daddys have those sometimes. theyre still a family and they still love each other very very much. they all soend their family day together as usual, though patton isnt as able to get up and play with roman understandably

also the fact this all comes around the same week patton and logan tell vee that janus wants to babysit, thats why patton has been absent from the blog recently i guess bc hes been keeping busy trying to work through his feelings of janus wanting to come in

hhh yeah... the way it lines up to patton's other insecurities abt janus coming into the family and it all just piles on too much all at once

so on monday morning logan goes with patton to get more inhalers and they actually stay out for while like they go to a forest or smth just to be alone and help patton recenter a little - he's always loved being in nature, it really brings him a lot of peace, being in nature is really the best way to keep patton grounded from his dissociation, thats why hes always gardening

and logan doesnt want to be angry at him and he knows patton needs support and comfort atm even is patton doesnt think he does so they have a calm day just being together and logan trying to remind patton that hes there for him

HHH stop bc they YEAH bc they kinda had a fight even though it did get 'resolved' but they needed to take time to reconnect their energies and like show each other (and specifically logan show patton) that their love is still secure and their friendship is still strong - just the quiet care of logan taking patton somewhere they can just be alone without responsibilities

secretly patton was rlly upset that logan got angry with him but he didnt show it but logan KNOWS him and he knows he needs to fix it with queality time (pats love lang) because pattons been alone a lot recently, its just been that he keeps busy and accidentaly distanced himself bc the others would all be busy and hanging out in some way and he fet a bit abandoned but yeah logan is dedicating the whole day to him

and patton does end up talking abt his inner turmoil a little but not until theyre like in the middle of the forest and hes a lot calmer and theres no one around, he just feels so much calmer and safer in nature to open up like that.

and this is when patton tells logan about his worries about janus becoming closer to vee, and how its lovely for them but what if it hurts vee, what if they dont get along, what if they DO get along and vee wants to move back with janus. Logan doesnt say anything to the worries, he knows patton just needs to blurt them out while he can, while it mixes with the sounds of nature.

then patton mentions quietly that dr picani phoned him a couple weeks ago and told him that he would like to offer patton a trial session of therapy - not with vee, just patton. logan very calmly asks if that sounds like sometnging that might be helpful for patton and patton just giggles nervously "um i dont know. Vee has therapy"

logan frowns. "yes she does. but that doesnt mean you cant have it too, if you would like it"

patton goes quiet and looks anxious, scratching at the moss on the log theyve sat down on. so logan takes his hand and looks very earnestly at him and says gently "i would like you to at least accept the trial session. It is your decision but... i think it might be worth a try"

patton nods a little, just looking at their intertwined fingers. and after a long silence where they can just hear the birds tweeting and the wind rustling the leaves and small animals scurrying along the grass, patton finally looks up at logan and breathes "i'll go to therapy"

and when patton says that out loud suddenly his eyes well up and he sees logan smile at him - a little sad and a lot proud - and feels his hand squeeze and the tears just dont stop coming and he hides his eyes but laughs nervously like haha dont know why im crying this is so silly! but logan doesnt say anything to it, he just pulls patton into his side and rests his head on pattons head...

and patton keeps trying to laugh and joke but its so choked and sad and nervous and wet and logan wraps his other arm around patton too and just grntly whispers "pumpkin, its okay if youre not happy right now."

and patton just starts sobbing into logans shoulder and logan holds him so tight as they sit on the log

patton cant cope with silence when its about him yknow, he couldnt handle logan not laughing or tutting at his jokes so he just kept joking until logan insisted its ok to be sad

so once they get home logan sits with pstton while he phones dr picani and books his first solo therapy session for friday morning

[magnumdays]

The Episode of Lost Opportunities AKA 2x16

SO I wrote this before watching the promo, then I did and now I know most of us are just FREAKING out about next week (and I’m freaking out the most because ummm they’remakingmyfanficintoanactual EPISODE!!! How does one deal with this????)  but if you want a break from freaking out, here are some thoughts on last night’s episode!

So even though 2x16 was perfectly enjoyable, I’m going to have to officially re-name it “The Episode of Lost Opportunities” because there were so many plots and just tid-bits they could have done great things with.

So yeah not really a review today, instead I’m going to (in true Jenny Nicholson fashion) make a numbered list of things I think they should have added /done something with, in no particular order.

Miss nr. 1. Not having Higgy tease Magnum back with British pet names. I’m honestly devastated by this. Like what would a little sarcastic “come on luv” or a “Dearie, come here” from Juliet have cost them? The closest we got was Babe take our selfie.

Nr. 2. Not having Mr. Dorky Helpful But Cute guy ask Higgy out. I really thought this was where it was going with him being all “it’s just our second date, we met online” and yeah even though he looked about 12, it would have fit the episode. 

Plus they could have had Magnum standing to the side gesturing like “go for it” and her either saying yes or no and later her and Magnum having a little chat about it. The Yes with him being all “I convinced you to do it” proud and also mildly jealous. The No, with her being all “he’s a suspect” or “he went on a love bus tour!” or “I’m not ready, bc of the dead fiance, remember him?”

Nr. 3. Which takes us neatly to - drowned guy should be bringing up some feelings for Juliet as I’m fairly certain back in Day of The Viper they mention something about how Richard washed up on the shores of something-something (I mean obvs he was shot before but I’d still imagine some associations there).

Also her own almost drowning in 1x19 (even if this episode’s dude wasn’t drowned, it did seem so at first and he was still in the water). I just feel maybe there could have been some feelings here that our favorite duo actually talked about. Just a nice little call back to either one of those would have been great. One line! Is that too much to ask for?

Nr. 4 on the list of missed opportunities is for me going to be Theresa (Teresa?). TC’s old flame. And this is a big one! 

I honestly would have loved it if they went with this - as in have him not be so damned noble and let the childhood sweetheart go. Like, why not have them actually try to make a go at it?

Maybe she could have been there with just her boyfriend rather than husband to make it less of a thing and then maybe give it an episode or two and have them talk over the internet before she comes back and they get back together! Because why can’t anyone have a girlfriend? Like why do all of the guys need to be such lone wolves? 

I mean, I get it, because they are a family/brothers, but having even just one more minor female recurring would be interesting and would add dimension to the gang and characters!

Now this is like one of those random side plots that don’t really do much because in the end nothing has changed. Other than us learning a little more about TC, which is nice, but it doesn't seem like it will actually impact future episodes and didn’t really connect a whole lot with the episode. TC is just off getting closure to a relationship we never knew he needed closure for. Which means we’re not super invested.

I feel like this is a bit of a problem with the show in general. We get really nice and moving and character developing stuff for characters we haven’t been shown to need, as with Kumu last week and now TC. Rick and his dying “dad” Ice-Pick and even Shammie with his lying army buddy. Even Gordon and his son. Jin and his sisters and that’s why he steals.

These things could all have had 100 times more impact if they’d established these problems/ relationships earlier. Like if we had learned Kumu's husband had cheated on her and had a child with another woman (or maybe that Kumu is a bit sad she never had kids on her own) sometime before - over the past 30 episodes, wouldn’t last week’s episode, where she finally reaches out to the husband’s kid, would have been so much more emotionally satisfying? 

Same if Theresa had been mentioned as TC’s great love and maybe him being sad some episodes ago (or even back in 1x19 when his dad doesn't come to visit - that could have been about him seeing a post about her getting married and him being upset about it and connecting with Rick about that.) 

Like I get that maybe sometimes they just throw random things in there but at the same time why do they need to do that? Want to do that? Isn’t there someone keeping track of the big picture? Giving characters long running story arcs over a season or even multiple ones should be someone’s job. 

If it’s not, I volunteer! 

Seriously Lenkov I’m currently unemployed and totally up for it, just give me a call! I already know we think the same... (Marriage of Inconvenience). 

Nr. 5 Not having Gordon comment something on the fact that he’s been called to a murder scene on a Island Love tour bus site by his favorite PI duo. Like yeah they’d have told him why they were there but he still should have teased them about it! Like “What were you two doing here anyways? Something going on?” and both of them giving a horrified “NO!”.

Nr. 6 when the guy says “is he crazy?” after Magnum jumped into the waterfall pool thing, not having Higgy be all “Yes, he is”, then jumping in after him, was a huge miss. That would have been so funny and shown how much alike they are (even if Higgy will always be the sane one...)

Nr. 7. Not having Magnum and Higgins try to pretend to be together when the bus driver catches them. I mean come on! At least some more hand holding! Snuggling? I’m not saying to just kiss already okay maybe I am saying that.

Nr. 8. Not one real Miggy moment in this episode? I mean lots of bickering and maybe for a moment with her being all “well done” when he tells the cheating a-hole he’s an idiot for having an affair. And if the camera had stayed on him for a few seconds more when they’re toasting at the end we know we’d have gotten a Mangum looks had Higgy soft heart eyes moment. But we didn’t. But other than that, not really much feel-y moments even if we got plenty of cute stuff.

Nr. 9.  Sandy and how they find out Sandy is the killer! Like what? She cut the bus’s fuel line  which makes no sense, she’d wouldn’t want to trap herself right?  Sandy if you’d just not cut the fuel line and stayed with the group, you’d have been taken back to civilization and no one would have figured you out! Or you should have left right away on car/4-wheeler you must have prepared for escape, not stayed around! You could have left down long before the cops got there or the autopsy revealed anything. Same for why does she give her knife to her date? Why not just throw the knife away? She’s in the jungle, big chance it will be found. Not.

And why kill someone in the middle of nowhere, making yourself one of the, like, 8 suspects? Like come on girl, for a hit woman you’re not that clever. Also if you had a gun, why strangle a guy 2x your size? That’s not a smart plan either. Just get a silencer and shoot the guy when he’s on his morning jog back in the city or something! I feel like the only reason they had her be the baddie was so Magnum/ Higgins could say “Shot through the heart” // “How is that for poetic” all dramatically after Gordon took her down.

Problem nr. 10. Tied in with this I just think Sandy as the killer should have not happened. 

In fact, I think having the sweet loving wife as the killer would have been wonderful. 

It would have been a much better twist! Dead guy could have been poisoned (traditional how wive’s kill their husbands… just saying) and then he fell off the cliff. They could surely have found some weird clue to that, like maybe his throat is all swollen and stuff to make them think foul play and then when they’re moving the body towards the end, Magnum realizes it’s poison.

But Higgy stayed back with the ‘grieving’ asthmatic widow and oh no! Must rush back to save my one true love platonic partner. 

We could have had some sort emotional moment where the Wife got Higgy with a knife at her throat and is all “He was supposed to be my best friend, my partner, my everything and he did X” and Magnum being all “Well that woman you’re holding a knife to is my (best) friend, my partner and she didn’t do anything so please put the knife down!” Or something. 

I mean I know that sounds like I’m off in Miggy fanfiction land but honestly I think they could have made it work (this is hilarious when re-reading after watching next weeks trailer). She could have teased him about the best friend bit but then she could have been all soft, “Thomas. Thank you. I’m glad you're my friend.” And the episode could have ended with how love just never seems to end well for anyone which would have been way more on theme for the vibes in this episode (and frankly whole show because no one gets to have a romantic relationship for more than, like, 3 episodes).

Nr. 11. Higgins hair. Not putting it in the fluffy “Blood In the Water” style was a big miss because that hair made her look so freaking adorable. Just saying. I mean both my babies are always adorable I just love the poofy fluff hair from that ep!

Anyways, those were my 11 missed opportunities for episode sixteen!

My fave bits were Magnum and Higgins fake couple thing at the start. Magnum being all like “While we’re up here we might as well take a selfie!” and then when talking to the old couple his, *I’m just gonna keep my hand here, on your waist! I’m real smooth* move. 

I enjoyed the fast action pack-ed-ness of the whole ep and the pretty Hawaii scenery we got. The more I watch Magnum PI the more I want to visit Hawaii (one day when there is no Corona, I’m much richer and 20h airplane rides are suddenly comfortable, I will!) and just enjoying all the amazing natural beauty and stuff.

The Rick and TC’s interactions were also highlights, I loved the whole “just pretend to walk by”. Like so middle-school yet so relatable because who hasn’t done that when we’re like, is that Lisa from second grade? And just we walked down the cat food aisle perusing cat food (when we most def. don’t have a cat), just to check if it is indeed Lisa.

Also this made me crack up so hard.

Magnum: Muffin? 

Higgy: Could you please not refer to me as a breakfast pastry.

That’s just so on point for Higgy I can’t even!

You guys agree with my missed opportunities? Or have any of your own for this or any other episodes?

______

(And who is desperately searching for a time machine to steal so it can be next week - right this minute!! LIKE!!! I’m still freaking out from the trailer.)

[mego42]

Fic ask: I, U, X, Z And the idea of a sequel to I'd give her a HA! And a Hi-Ya! is amazing. I love outsider POV so much and Mick is the perfect character for outsider POV on Rio in particular (and you write it so well!)

ahhhh thank you!! I also looooove outsider pov and also writing mick (exactly 0 people are shocked) so now that i’ve had the thought realistically it’s only a matter of time.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

in reading, not really, i’m p open about being down to give almost anything a shot and have def read some off the wall shit just to see what was up. 

in writing, oh absolutely. there’s so much stuff I'm constantly tucking into fic because I love it. I don’t want to tell you what it is though bc if it starts sticking out too much I’ll have to stop and that’ll make me sad. plus, i feel like it tends to be fairly obvious bc it keeps showing up but maybe not! let me have my secrets okay? 

a lot of times I have to stop myself from not going too far down a rabbit hole with niche interests. I was just telling @foxmagpie about a lengthy monologue about old school printing presses @nickmillerscaulk gently encouraged me to remove from a chapter of song bc it was, um, intense and entirely plot adjacent (she was right and I knew she was gonna say that but I couldn’t stop myself from putting it into the first draft anyway bc OLD SCHOOL PRESSES ARE VERY COOL OKAY??????)

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

I feel like every version of this Q I’ve seen has started off with a note about how hard this question is to answer bc of talented the GG fandom is and I loathe to be so predictable but it’s true!!! it’s also awesome being relatively new to the fandom bc boy howdy do I have a backlist to work my way through. that said, three of my fav currently active, drop everything and read writers would be:

@sothischickshe has a beautifully unique voice and i adoooooore how she'll have me laughing so hard i’ve got tears in my eyes and then sucker punch me with some off the cuff emotionally devastating observation or perfectly captured character moment that takes my breath away. the combo of all of the above has led to some (extremely subtle) whole ass breakdowns over her stuff. plus she writes the truly bonkers lunacy of beth and rio’s dynamic in a way i deeply appreciate. points both awarded and taken away for more or less forcing me to develop a robe fetish so do with that what you will. 

@foxmagpie is the angst queen of my heart. she’s written some truly wrenching, overwhelmingly rich conflicts between beth and rio that i lose my entire mind over and i think about rio wrestling with his grief around his father’s death in the last chapter of little gifts on a semi-regular basis. i’m also so extremely impressed with delinquents. high school aus can be soooo tricky and tbh much of the time i don’t actually like them? but she’s done an incredible job of distilling the canon adult characters down into high school versions of themselves that are totally recognizable but also believably adapted which is a v neat trick. also, mar. 

@pynkhues has like, shoved me through the entire spectrum of human emotion time and time again with her fic and it’s at the point where I see she posted and basically start sweating like okay here we go gents lets go feel!!!! something!!!! i’m also desperately in awe of how she weaves thematic and emotional threads throughout her stories no matter how long or short they are. the way she structures her arcs is masterful and makes for a deeply satisfying reading experience on both a reader and a omg how did you do this let me break it apart and analyze level.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

mick (yes he’s also the character i want to protect), bc his suffering is always tied up in beth and rio being idiots and that’s v fun for me to write. also the combo of mick, annie, and ruby for the same reasons. 

Z: Major character death–do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can’t tolerate?

I don’t think I could bring myself to write it bc deep down (or, like, realistically fairly surface level) I am a sap BUT in the right mood I loooooooooove to read it. It fucks me up so good and I find the experience of reading well done death fic maybe bizarrely cathartic? idk, obvs it depends on the circumstances. if I’m feeling fragile absolutely not, but sometimes it scratches a weird itch that nothing else does.

I don’t think there’s a specific character death I couldn’t tolerate but there are infinite ways a character death could be written I would be absolutely not about. I’m extremely not into stuff that’s transparently (or even obliquely) about punishing a character or like, a beloved character being killed off in like a set dressing sort of way. not about fridging as a general concept in any form. basically, I love death fic where it’s like, a character study of grief and really digs into the angst and emotion and makes me feel. idk how many times i have to tell you guys, i love pain.

fic asks fic asks fic fic fic asks (idek know what i’m doing here i’ve lost the plot)

[tslasvegas]

Episode 9: “Dear Diary, it’s me, Jaiden” - Jaiden

I feel like I've had a breakthrough. I just survived my first merge vote of the game and I wasn't even having a meltdown. That's already miles and miles ahead of my last Tumblr Survivor season where I made the merge. Although I don't think my position in this game is locked yet, I feel pretty good about where I stand. I hope that the Touchy Subjects answers reveal my hopes that I'm not a threat to anybody and that people don't believe the common idea is that I'm shitty or too perfect or something. If that makes any sense. Basically I just want to know that I'm doing okay here so far. I feel good about my chances at that but we need some work to be done before I can say that for certain. I hate seeing Andrew leave because like I said he's someone that I wanted to work with, but I have to believe what people said about him being an over-player, a mess, etc. and just stick to my guns that I made the right call here. I kind of wanted to see if Joey would play his legacy for Ben but I'm glad I held back on that because I hope the legacy will come back in the future to save me. I don't have a lot of confidence when it comes to the literal minefield of idols and nullifiers out there. As long as I continue convincing people I'm on their side, or that I'm not the enemy at least, those things won't get used on me. Right now that we're on the jury, I NEED to focus on my jury management first and foremost. I am super okay with playing my strategic and social game the way I've been doing it thus far (obv learning from past mistakes.....) but the killer to my game 99% of the time I've made it deep in these things is how I get that jury to feel about me. Protect myself in game, but also set up a jury of folks who feel like they can trust me and only me. And.. hopefully some day I'll blindside Joey and he'll give me his legacy advantage.

...five seconds later

Tbh I hope that Jake reads this after the season and realizes that I never once at this point in the merge find him annoying. Somehow in his own mind he thinks hes like, the worst person ever and I'm trying to tell him he's not, he's great, we have a lot of work ahead of, etc and he's not buying it at all. Idk if this is him trying to emotionally manipulate me or not, but.. like.. thats my gameplan tf! 

So Steph, Pat and Jeff were left out of the vote. But Jaiden said it was supposed to be unanimous. That means that Keegan, Liv and Joey purposely left them out. I don't understand why they would intentionally make enemies. Better for us I suppose. We just got to keep our ragtag group of 6 together: me, John, Jake, Kailyn, Jaiden and Ben.

So the merge vote was quite interesting. With this being a 13 person merge, I tend to believe it is best to play a tad conservatively early on. This made it to where I figure the OG Palazzo would get a good 1-2 rounds of things their way before Keegan, Jake, and I mounted our little rebellion. As it turns out, I woke up to Jake and Keegan wanting me on call because Andrew was being as messy as he was on our swap tribe. Jake said that Andrew confirmed the OG Palazzo chat, something Keegan and I had already did, and that Keegan threw Jake's name out in said chat and Andrew shot it down. In reality, Andrew is actually the person that threw Jake out. He threw Jake's name out first on our swap tribe and he threw it out first here. I am really unsure what game Andrew really wanted to play beyond making sure he had options outside of the OG Palazzo. So from this point, we went around and got a feel for who we could pull. Joey had already expressed to Keegan that he felt nervous about there being a massive numerical OG Palazzo majority. The game is better for all of us if it is a bad more fluid. We ended up kicking Andrew to the curb in a 9-4 vote with Steph, Jeff, Pat, and Andrew voting in the minority. We talked in the OG Palazzo chat and those left out seemed to understand once we explained some of Andrew's missteps in PM's. This is good because I want some form of OG Palazzo to be there if it becomes something that I need down the line. At this current moment, I have heard no one bring up the super idol that is in Keegan and I's possession so I can only assume that we got lucky and no one actually checked the vault after we grabbed it. This could be due to lack of chips at the time or people just forgetting to. So for now, I shall assume everyone thinks that the super idol is vibing on the idol board, which is very good for me. Typically with a super idol, it would be super easy for you to get voted out the round after saving yourself with it. That is why I would like for it to get as deep into this game as possible. At the end of the day, the best part about having it is knowing its whereabouts and not having someone else possess it. So after TC, Jake, Keegan, and I hopped on call to celebrate. Jake revealed that Joey offered a 4 to him and Jake said I am good and should be included. This is how many current alliances are looking: - F2: Keegan and I - Three of Us: Keegan, Jake, and I - Meninism: Keegan, Jake, Joey, Jaiden, and I - OG Palazzo: Keegan, Joey, Jeff, Pat, Steph, and I This makes it so that the only people I do not have some sort of alliance with are Ben, Kailyn, John, and Xavier. I like these people but that is kind of how the game is shaking out currently. Ideally, I want Ben out next as it would allow my 3 to fade into the background and let what should be a consensus boot happen. After TC, multiple people expressed that Ben hadn't been very social. Now the current challenge is Touchy Subjects and I hope I do not get too many positive ones just because they could result in me being targeted. I think I am in a good spot to where I am doing well socially and having one on one's with everyone in some capacity, but I am hoping I am not perceived as any sort of power player at the moment. That fucked me in Trinity: Deception Island and I would not like for that to fuck me over here. I do think I have the connections to make it through for a little while. I see a path to the end but as I get closer I will have to evaluate whether or not that is a winning path to the end. Below is a short synopsis of my one on ones with people: - Steph: like nothing because I have found her super dry premerge - Jaiden: we have been talking about reading and writing and books and it is a good time - Jeff: he is a king and we have been talking about theatre and work and past games and shit - Jake: not as much one on one stuff due to our calls with Keegan - Keegan: not a lot but I have been updating him prior to updating the 3 chat - Kailyn: college and majors and such - Xavier: not a whole lot but he seems really sweet and messaged me "i am glad we voted together :)" after TC and I found that super wholesome - Ben: he has not responded in a bit but he wanted to strategize for the idol hunt with me - Joey: a decent bit of memes back and forth - Pat: lots of small talk but we have had some good convos and he seems to understand the Andrew move - John: we talked a bit about Atomic Nova Scotia Overall, I think I am doing well but not overtly so. This is ideal when we are still at Final 12 I think.

I think Palazzo will vote out Stephanie :) They hate women

Wow. I'm writing this after immunity results. I'm kind of just gonna word vomit. I checked off individual immunity from my checklist. And it's this challenge. The one that eliminated me in 26. The one that crushed 16 year old Jake's self confidence, and made him never want to play again. I got Hero, want to win, funniest, and stop talking which is kind of my favorite. I never ever thought I'd come back after 73 seasons, win THIS challenge, and in an individual setting. I changed history a little bit. And now I'm in the final 11. Ben is the easy vote this round, personally I'd love to see Stephanie go so that I can have Xavier to myself. But I can't push too hard. I controlled last vote, let someone else have a turn in the sun. I get to chill for once.

Now that’s character development!

Move now or lay low?

Final 12 feels pretty good, but final 11 will be so much better. If I make it through this vote, this will be the longest I’ve made it in a merge! And I’ll tie my placement with India :) Obviously I am still focused on my goal of making it thru til single digits, but I’m celebrating the small victories now so I don’t focus too hard on strategy that doesn’t need to take place this early. I feel like everyone is going to be looking at Ben as the dude they need to get rid of, so I won’t be surprised if he ends up going home. I don’t think that is the absolute worst thing for my game right now, but I’d prefer Stephanie or Xavier going before Ben at least for right now. I suppose I don’t have a huge voice on the subject but my pitch to keep Ben tomorrow is that it keeps Kailyn away from trying to work with Stephanie and Xavier who, frankly, need to be part of the next couple boots if we’re thinking big picture.. I don’t know if Joey will listen to me. Another option is maybe see if we can swing votes to Pat. Would anybody be upset to see Pat go home? Who knows. But basically my relationships are so little with Pat, Kailyn, Stephanie, and Xavier and idk what to do about them right now. I really just don’t wanna see those four link up and go super far because that would be kinda boring and really devastating LOL Another big win for me today was that I got put into the Meninist alliance with Jake, Joey, Livingston, and Keegan. While I’m not particularly fond of Livingston yet, we’ll see if he grows on me :) if not he can say adios. Since Joey is looking REALLY dangerous I’m gonna try to distance myself from him more and more right now. I don’t want people to think I’m drinking his kool aid bc I’m not, but I don’t want him to think I’ve turned on him bc I definitely want him to still give me that legacy advantage.. This morning I was thinking about how I can really give myself a better trajectory to the end and I’m a little bit confused still on what my winning conditions are for this game. What moves can I start making today that will set me up for six tribals down the line when surely the game is getting messy as fuck and I need protection from all sides? Maybe discrediting people like Xavier, Stephanie, Kailyn, Pat, and even Livingston aren’t the best things for me to do right now. I want to keep people who are in my corner safe such as Jeff, Keegan, Jake, and hopefully Joey but we’re almost to the halfway point of the game and it’s not going to be easy to keep everybody including myself safe. It’s no longer a question of whether I’ll win this or not. It’s a question of how I win. The merge is what counts I think.. everything before that was just the foundation for success. My foundation is cracked and not the best but I’m picking up the pace, I think. Whatever. If I have to use my social connections to Joey or John or whoever, I’m going to manipulate them to what benefits me. I don’t wanna go down that path of being messy but some day soon these ppl are gonna realize they should’ve never trusted me to begin with... because I’m coming for them.

Me almost forgetting confessionals were a thing. Ben is really popping off here today because he knows he's the boot. And now he has created a "straights alliance". This... is such a weird day. I wanna just go back to bed and not deal with all of this because it's weird.

6 years ago I wanted to pull of a move like this. I can get Ben to explode in main chat and with everyone. Pick fights, freak out, tank people’s games, just be a monster. And without anyone knowing, I’ll give him my safety without power. Idols will be flushed, mass panic, and I have immunity so I’m just chilling. We’re about to gamble baby.

Dear Diary, it’s me, Jaiden. Ben went off the deep end today and proved that he was a wasted spot on this season to begin with. This tribe is only big enough for one messy bitch, and not only that but I'm one big fat messy bitch, so sorry Ben but your time has come. 

I always get a bad feeling before tribal. I just hope Ben goes, and it’s easy and smooth and there’s no issues. 

I thought Kailyn was horny texting me, turns out she's just high........ Kailyn, 5:15 PM so is the vote tonight ben ?? i’m kind of [redacted] rn don’t know what’s going on 😳 Jaiden, 5:15 PM yeah :/ i feel bad bc ive grown to like ben but no one is offering any sort of alternative omg whats redacted Kailyn, 5:16 PM 😳😳😳 legally, it’s a joke 💖 Jaiden, 5:16 PM IM??? Kailyn, 5:16 PM JSDJKSKA Jaiden, 5:16 PM WHAT do u mean uimm i cant find the up emoji but like UP u know?? Kailyn, 5:16 PM SJHDJDKSLA yes 💖 Jaiden, 5:17 PM omg queeeeeeeen i love that for u JOKINGLY of course hehe Kailyn, 5:17 PM for the laugh 💖💖💖💖💖 thank u Jaiden, 5:17 PM god we stan r u gonna be at tribal?? Kailyn, 5:18 PM if i remember yes ofc 😇 me trying to do my french hw rn: 🧍‍♀️🧍🧍‍♂️ Jaiden, 5:19 PM HAHA good...i wanna see u pop awf hopefully HJAHHAHA i love the emojis Jaiden, Kailyn, 5:19 PM NSHDJSJAJ ofc 💖 Jaiden, 5:19 PM god im truely living my best life thru u rn tell me something french Kailyn, 5:22 PM je can’t remember a word of français rn bc i’m so h word 💖🙏🥵 Jaiden, 5:22 PM *HAPPY!!* Kailyn, 5:27 PM so true 😇 Jaiden, 5:27 PM wait i hope we mean the same h word im starting to think its not the one im thinking of....... Kailyn, 5:28 PM DJDJDJKSAKALKAK uhhh not me accidentally calling Xavier 😭😭😭😭 Jaiden, 5:29 PM DID HE ANSWER Kailyn, 5:30 PM YEAHHHSJDJSKLALA Jaiden, 5:31 PM WHAT HAPPENED IM FUIOHWODIH thats so fucking funy Kailyn, 5:31 PM NDDHJDKSS I SAW MY FACE POP UP ON THE SCREEN AND I WAS LIKE FUCK Jaiden, 5:31 PM H9uhiudheiuhfH Kailyn, 5:31 PM AND HE WAS LIKE. DID U CALL Jaiden, 5:31 PM VIDEO CALL????????????? Kailyn, 5:31 PM AND I WAS LIKE UHHH Jaiden, 5:31 PM IM DYING Kailyn, 5:32 PM AND HUNG UP Jaiden, 5:32 PM KAILYN Kailyn, 5:32 PM NSHDHDKSLSLA Jaiden, 5:32 PM IM LAUGHING SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIGNM HARD Kailyn, 5:32 PM ate some Good chocolate on this night 😤👼 Jaiden, 5:33 PM oh my GOD you're talking about the H i DIDNT THINK U WERE TAKING ABT Kailyn, 5:33 PM JDDHJDKSKALAP WHAT DID U THINK Jaiden, 5:33 PM maybe calling xavier wasnt on accident i THOUGHT you were talking about being high but UGHFWO)DJH CHOCOLATE IS AN APHRODISIAC Kailyn, 5:34 PM YEAH I AM WTF Jaiden, 5:34 PM WHAT] Kailyn, 5:34 PM DJJDDJKSLSPAPS NOOOOOO Jaiden, 5:34 PM I TOHUGHT Kailyn, 5:34 PM SHJDJDKDOEOEOWOWA Jaiden, 5:34 PM OMFG Kailyn, 5:34 PM BCUCNCNDODNDIEOEKOEW Jaiden, 5:34 PM WHEN U SAID CALLED XAVIER AND THE CHOCOLATE Kailyn, 5:34 PM WHAT THE FUCKODKSKSKS NOOOOOOO Jaiden, 5:34 PM I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING Kailyn, 5:34 PM DBHDJSKAKAKS BYE NOOOOOO DJDHDJSKALLAA Jaiden, 5:34 PM IM DETLTING MY FUCKING ACCOUNT IM DLEETING MY FUCKING ACCOT Kailyn, 5:34 PM HSHDHDKSKALA

[coffeestainedcamera]

I'll be coherent again in 5 business days. This episode simultaneously delivered what I wanted and emotionally devastated me. Spoilers below gif.

Like, hell yeah to Logan croaking. But let's be real, his grip on the rest of the family will persist beyond the grave. The kids, despite all the hurt he's inflicted upon them, still very blatantly aren't ready to let him go. Doesn't matter that it's the healthiest thing for them to do. It takes time and you spend ages questioning if cutting a cancerous tumor out of your life was right (source: had some horrible relatives, I don't know how they're doing now and they don't have my cell or address lol).

But the entire show is about this dance where the kids are trying to cut the tumor but always drop the scalpel, whether by themselves or because something hit their hands. And we see it this season again. They're trying to break away from Waystar/Royco, they're trying to pull a massive deal out from under papa dearest's nose, they're seeing each other in a karaoke bar, they're bracing for a wedding ceremony together...

And really, they've been expecting to continue the feud with papa dearest indefinitely, with a ceasefire for Connor's big day. It's what we, the audience, have been conditioned to expect, even as there were Logan's previous medical incidents right in front of us. He's the big villain, alongside the self-destructive coping mechanisms the kids developed due to him. I definitely was expecting him to have plot armor this time around as well, as it's not even the season finale.

But, welp, gone. I did always feel vaguely bad for the kids, even with all their horrible behavior, as they always seemed lonely and in chronic pain. Def wanted them to cut the tumor out, as that was the cure. But obv this tumor removal was conducted by a runaway chainsaw, not a scalpel in their hands. Of course they'll be in shock, grief, and denial. They still saw him as a part of their lives, even if they were trying to move on.

So, we've got Roman desperately wanting his dad's love one last time, never admitting he did anything wrong and staying in denial about the death right up until the stretcher. We've got Kendall telling him that he doesn't forgive him, but still wanting him to wake up. We've got Shiv losing the cool and disaffected facade, crying and wanting him back after trying to add rocket fuel to her siblings' get-away plan during the Hundred debacle. And Connor isn't even told what's going on until it's too late, allowed to just stick to the wedding and denied this goodbye.

Oh, and Greg isn't fully looped in again. And really, he's just an uncle to him. And Tom is freaking out about losing his protector and arguable idol.

It all really sums up their relationships to Logan.

[vgriffindor]

Elcaminode’s awesome, bookish questions:

Is there a book that you reach for on a regular basis?

Yes! But I can’t narrow it down to just one. I had to steel myself, here, and remind myself that it’s books that I reach for on a regular basis, which is dfferent from books that I’ve read more than once and love! 

Anyways, my friends calls them “comfort books.” The books that I will re-read (in their entirety and also just pick up and flip through and stop at random chapters/scenes/paragraphs): Jane Eyre, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, A Tale of Two Cities, and The Night Circus. When I’m sick, when I’m sad, when I’m bored, when I can’t sleep, whenever.

2. If you had to only read ONE book over and over for the rest of your life what would it be?

Ack! This is tough, because I technically could pick a book I haven’t read yet, so at least the first time I read it would be new! And possibly the best book I’ve ever read! But then what if I hated it? Better to go with an old favourite, (one of the above) so I’ll go with Jane Eyre. Sure, the story is top-notch, but I find it lights an inspiring fire, so it’s a bit of a life manifesto, as well. 

3. Have you memorised a poem/quote/speech? If so, spill!

Okay, so apart from random lines from poems all over the place, which isn’t very impressive, I can remember In Flanders Fields (every Remembrance Day as a kid!) and Rudyard Kipling’s “If.” I had to learn it for a speech recital in grade five, and unlike everything else I learned that year, I remember that poem. 😆 Oh, wait! Also, “There are strange things done/in the midnight sun/by the men who moil for gold.” The Cremation of Sam McGee. Ha!

4. What book from your childhood destroyed you emotionally?

Little Women. I love that book. Ooooh, that’s another “comfort book!” I read it first when I was eleven, and sure, (spoiler alert!) Beth’s death hit me so hard I cried, but the real devastation was when Jo rejected Laurie. I was mad. Lol. It was such a great lesson, though. In knowing your own heart, in knowing you don’t need a relationship, (unlike so many other books) and also, in knowing that a neat and happy ending for the couple that you “ship” isn’t necessarily the best way to tell their story. That whole message was just so powerful, and daring, on in so many ways. 

Also, The Velveteen Rabbit. God. I can’t even.

Edited to add The Trumpet of the Swan, because of course, and Miss Rumphius, which I still can’t read without crying. If you’ve never read it, do yourself a favour and read it. It’s gorgeous.

5. Would you rather only read tiny poems OR 400+ page books for the rest of your life?

400+ page books. Hands down, no contest. 

Kay, I’m going to ADD question six! Meow-how-how!

6. What’s a favourite book of yours that you’d like to see turned into a really well-done movie/TV series?

The Night Circus. And A Tale of Two Cities, and let’s cast Tom as Sydney Carton.

RANDOM BONUS QUESTION: what’s one thing that you taught yourself? Guitar? Hockey? Mechanical engineering?

I’ve been super lucky and privileged - all the stuff I’ve wanted to learn (and not wanted to, lol!) I’ve taken a class/had a teacher. I guess I can say reading? I picked it up, osmosis-style from my parents reading out loud to me. Or I guess that counts as them teaching me? Oh, no, I know - snowboarding. I skiied my whole childhood but was in a car accident in my teens that left me with a shattered kneecap and bad knee, once it healed. So skiing was out, and I missed it with very bad-tempered grace, until a friend told me I should try boarding because it’s easier on the knees. So I went with friends and threw myself down the bunny hill all day long until I could make it down without falling. Which took longer than I optimistically thought! :D

Okay, @elcaminode - I’m turning this back on you and you have to answer them all! :D Plus, @highfunctioningflailgirl who has already been tagged, PLUS @bluerobinwrites, @lulacat3, @hobbeshalftail3469. And anyone else who wants! (If you want! No obligation, obvs.) 

[punkscowardschampions]

Jesse & Jac

Jesse: 👍? Jac: 💃🥂! Jesse: Talk so I know you can Jac: 'course I can Jac: if I was in any way prohibited rn, I wouldn't be sending you emojis at the same time, rest assured Jesse: alright Jac: come on then Jac: what is it? Jesse: my question that is Jesse: ❤️ or 💔? Jac: 💔 the drinks are so expensive Jac: that's a pisstake Jesse: get one of the princes to get 'em in Jesse: or your 👸🏾 Jac: we're out with our course, the proper posh kids do bullshit pretentious non-subjects so everyone is pretty tolerable, thank god Jesse: 🎨 history, werent it? Jac: 🙄 for the girls Jac: some business shit so the lads can be less of a financial drain more of an asset to daddy Jesse: gutted for dad then, he'd love a bit of that Jesse: he'd probably love being the only lad on a course an' all though Jac: did not need that visual Jac: ew Jesse: it'll calm you down Jac: I've barely had any Jesse: weren't what I meant Jac: You're well subtle, I'd have no idea Jesse: don't have to be Jesse: not at the club with the girl I love Jac: shut up Jac: I just told you how many other people are here too Jesse: that only matters if you care Jesse: or she does Jac: I can't ignore her, can I Jesse: I don't reckon so Jac: you know what I mean Jesse: all the ✨ makes her hard to miss Jesse: I get it Jac: you are such a stalker, honestly Jesse: you weren't fuming when I told you about her ma Jesse: ain't turning it off and on Jac: well that was handy Jac: this, less so Jesse: 🔧🔨 🔩 ⚙️🧱 Jesse: not my 9-5 Jac: hush Jac: you'd like freshers Jesse: nah, I heard drinks prices are a pisstake Jac: you'd probably get some freebies as entertainment, duh Jac: I've barely been to sleep, like Jesse: dreams are gonna be a headfuck Jac: you've yet to convince me this isn't one big fever dream so Jac: if I go to 😴 do I 💀? Jesse: don't smack girls about even if I am related to 'em Jesse: you're on your own there Jac: s'noble of you Jac: considering the females you are related to Jesse: 🏆 Jac: yes, I hear they do give awards out for that Jac: congrats Jac: how is everyone Jesse: they're still everyone Jesse: same shit Jac: your predictability is appreciated at this time Jesse: she's unpredictable? Jac: yeah Jac: well Jac: she either isn't, and I just don't wanna admit Jac: or she is, and I can do something about it Jac: it's confusing, either way Jesse: go on Jac: well last night, we talked for ages and she said loads of stuff and then I came over for a sleepover, not that kind though Jac: but we were both drunk and now I don't know how much she meant or would say if she weren't, you know Jesse: stop sleeping in her bed Jac: I'm not right now Jac: [picture of the clerb like see] Jesse: so funny you Jac: she asked me Jesse: and you can't ignore her, I heard Jac: she did beg so Jac: it'd be rude Jesse: what? Jac: what do you mean what? Jac: she all but said I had to Jesse: for you or anyone Jac: I don't know Jac: [sends relevant chunk/ Jac: what do you think? Jesse: she always like that? Jac: is that a Q or are you telling me? Jesse: it's got a ? Jac: until yesterday, I hadn't spoken to her for 2 years, if you recall Jac: but we were always like that, kinda Jac: it feels different somehow but that could be wishful thinking on my part Jesse: Yeah Jesse: I dunno, you told me she was drunk so when I read it she sounds drunk Jac: yeah Jac: think so Jac: she was pretty wasted Jesse: & I dunno how girls talk to each other Jac: me either Jesse: when you were mates with Is what was her 🗨 like? Jesse: ever beg you to do owt? Jac: No Jac: maybe be nice to her but who wouldn't given Jac: it was nothing like that Jesse: what's Sav like with dickheads who ain't you? Jac: there weren't no one but us Jac: when she was in Dubo Jac: that was the whole thing Jesse: tonight then Jac: she's not going that hard with strangers Jac: you saw the ✨ Jac: obviously she's more social than I am Jac: but like, no it's not totally the same, even if I'm being brutally honest with myself on it, still think it's different Jesse: there you go Jac: what if she's a friendly drunk Jesse: you've been drunk with her before Jac: I also misread it last time Jac: that's why this is so fucking confusing Jac: 'cos I thought it was more last time 'cos of how she was, how we were, I didn't just get that from nowhere Jac: so I can't just go with my gut or common sense on it now either Jesse: Talk to her Jac: 🥺 Jesse: leave it til after freshers Jesse: give her a chance to be sober Jac: works for me Jac: I can find another excuse before then Jesse: You need to know Jesse: this course is how many years Jac: this part is 4 years Jesse: we ain't doing this back and forth for 4 fucking years Jac: come on Jac: I'm not forcing you to talk to me about it Jesse: you Jesse: will they, won't they is played out Jac: fuck off Jac: this isn't a tv trope it's my life Jesse: I know Jac: then quit being a dick about it Jesse: sorry Jac: it's alright Jac: let's forget it and I won't bring it up again Jesse: bollocks to that Jac: I ain't gonna resolve this any time soon, Jess Jac: unless she does which is as unlikely, I reckon Jesse: I'm going nowhere Jac: 👍 Jesse: thrilled, yeah? Jac: resigned to not getting rid, more like Jac: but sure Jesse: I reckon she might Jesse: you can have that be thrilled about Jac: [the bit about forever and not wanting to lose her] Jac: unless she straight up chats the opposite when she's pissed Jac: or I fuck it all up majorly, I know, like Jesse: 💕 Jesse: the ✨ make loads more sense now Jesse: she's gayer than you Jac: 😏 Jac: or less emotionally stunted Jac: but I'll take it Jesse: can't all inherit the poet's soul Jac: 💔 Jac: really, so devastated Jesse: sounds like Jac: if Jame starts writing poetry for his girlfriend, you have to send it to me so I can critique it Jesse: pay me to do it for him if he's got any sense Jac: you're not such a starving artist that you need to scam our little brother like that Jesse: no scam Jac: debatable Jesse: piss off Jac: ❤ Jesse: do one for you if you don't overspend at the club Jac: she don't like you, I been said Jac: she'll feel the 🤢 rising at your style Jesse: don't like her either Jesse: don't matter Jac: you're so rude Jesse: 💔 Jac: why not Jesse: why would I? Jac: there's nothing not to like Jesse: 1st I heard of her, she fucked you up Jesse: there's that Jac: it weren't her fault though Jac: it was just about her Jesse: how she handled it were her fault Jac: I don't think we can police that Jac: I certainly can't Jesse: like you said, didn't come out of nowhere Jac: if we go down the 'she led me on' path, we ain't ending up nowhere good Jesse: Alright Jac: just have no opinion Jesse: bit rude Jesse: but I get what you're saying Jac: blank slate, would be a better way to put it Jesse: 👍 Jac: I already said I'd sleep over tonight though Jesse: get out of it Jesse: you're 🤢🤮 or something Jac: in the head? Jac: obvs Jesse: well yeah Jesse: but like you're a lightweight Jesse: she ain't been drunk with you for ages either Jac: we planned this one last night too Jac: she's serially monogamous Jac: you don't think she's gonna wanna take a random home? Jac: she's not like that Jesse: you can't go home with her so she don't take a lad back instead Jac: that's not why Jac: that's what you think though Jesse: I think you need to stop sleeping together Jesse: I said Jac: but why Jesse: you don't spoon your mates Jesse: or watch 'em sleep Jac: so I'm a creep Jac: fine Jac: I'll go home Jesse: So she can't use you as a stand in boyfriend Jac: stop it Jesse: either she wants to be mates and she can't do none of that with you or she wants to be your girlfriend and she needs to let you know Jac: who says? Jac: we can do it if we want to Jesse: go on then, crack on Jesse: nowt can go wrong Jac: I'll decide for myself Jac: you don't need to tell me, you can't tell me anything I don't know Jesse: she'll decide for you Jesse: like before Jac: Whatever Jac: I'm going to carry on with my night now Jesse: Jac Jac: I'll talk to you later Jesse: just steady on Jesse: you know her, I don't Jesse: might be talking bollocks, probably am Jac: you don't need to go back on it Jac: I don't care Jesse: it don't sit right how quick and easy she's back where she were, that's what I was trying to say Jac: Okay Jac: I've heard you Jesse: it don't mean it'll go how it did before Jac: maybe it will Jac: I can't do anything about it Jesse: keep your guard up for a bit Jac: yeah Jesse: if I sound like I'm the one going back and forth on this, I am Jac: I'm powerless to it whatever Jac: there's no winning or outrunning or playing it cool or whatever the fuck you could suggest Jac: it's happening and it'll play out how it's going to Jac: it's fate Jesse: but 👎 from me that I'm powerless an' all Jesse: that's shit Jac: you'll live Jesse: will you? Jac: don't be a drama queen Jesse: or what? Jac: ❌🚫 you Jesse: reckon I'll live Jac: yeah right Jac: you live for this bullshit, clearly Jesse: 🖕 Jac: later loser Jesse: 👌