#so you gay rhys antis don’t find this

[feyres-divorce-lawyer]

Rhys: At the end of the day Feyre…

Rhys: I am a man

Feyre: A man who’s gay, you love Tamlin, get that through your head!

[pleasereadmeok]

This ‘Wonderland’ Interview to promote A Single Man is a gem.  Matthew Goode is a bit of a handful and swears his way through this interview with his mate Nic Hoult.  It’s very funny.  It’s often quoted (including his description of Colin Firth’s kissing technique!) but it’s difficult to find a clean scan of the whole interview.  This scan (from Natalie/ Fairchilds on ohnotheydidnt) isn’t very clear to read so I did a transcript several years ago - here:-

Wonderland Interview

Based on the 1964 novel by Christopher Isherwood, A Single Man marks the screenwriting and directing debut of fashion icon, Tom Ford.  Having debuted earlier this year at the Venice Film Festival to a standing ovation, the film has continued to impress audiences during screening at the Toronto and London Film Festivals.

Joining lead actor, Colin Firth, on screen are fellow Brits Matthew Goode and Nicholas Hoult who discuss the film, Tom Ford and being British in LA.

ON A SINGLE MAN

Nicholas Hoult: The only time I saw Matthew was when we were getting our spray tans.

Matthew Goode: Which were more regular than we were expecting.  I got on a plane with Colin [Firth] and then literally the moment we arrived, got in the car together, went to the hotel and suddenly – it’s like ten thirty at night – we have to go to Colin’s room where we’re having our spray tans .  Colin Firth is in his pants, I’m in my pants and it stays that way for an hour whilst we wait for this stuff to set.  He’s fucking great.  I love Colin.

We [Nic’ and he] never had a scene together but we were there the whole time.  I was only really fitting in around these guys.  Nic had a damn sight more to do than I did.

NH: No I just did more.

MG: [Laughs] It was a really fun shoot. I mean, maybe I’m looking back with rose tinted spectacles, but …

NH: It was a good fun shoot. Everyone enjoyed it.  I remember the night in Venice after seeing it in front of all those people and just lying in bed thinking ‘that’s something I’m proud of’.

MG: It’s seriously impressive. You watch it and you care and, it doesn’t happen to me a lot, but I watched it and thought ‘I’m in something that doesn’t stink!’.  I’m proud of that.

NH:  That’s a nice feeling when you’ve done something and you can say ‘yeah, proud of that’.

MG:  Fucking hell – sorry to interrupt – but I was reading a magazine or a paper or something the other day and it said “A Single Man obviously being screened and whenever Nic Hoult was on screen there were gasps over his beauty” [laughs]. And I was thinking, fucking Hoult is going to LA and get so laid! [Laughs]. He is going to be turning bush away left right and centre!

NH:  It’s all down to the fake tan again.  That’s where the performance stems for me.

MG:  That is a review!

NH:  Nothing about the acting, right?

MG:  They didn’t review the film.  It just said “I saw it.  I’m going to be reviewing it at some point, but let me tell you there were gasps over Nick Hoult’s beauty!”

ON TOM FORD

MG:  Tom is immediately interesting. If it’s all about someone’s cannon of work then most of the time you wouldn’t work with a first ime director, but if the script is good and you have a chat with them and they know which end is up and which is down, then great.

NH: I didn’t know who Tom was when I met him.

MG: Nick “fashion forward” Hoult!

NH:  I’d gone over to LA got off a plane and had dinner with him.  And I asked him how he’d got into directing and why he was doing this!

MG:  I love that.  Isn’t that great?  And that’s also like Tom.  He’s not the sort of person who is like, ‘well fuck you!’.

NH: He explained very humbly what he had done and I thought OK.  And then I looked him up after dinner and was ‘oh jesus!  He’s actually accomplished quite a lot’ so probably quite a stupid question, but he was very honest and modest and made a great director.

MG: It’s so good.  And so good for Colin.  And Julianne [Moore] is bloody great in it as well.  But the real star of it, it has to be said, is Tom. It silences immediately the people who were going ‘you self indulgent cunt.’  It’s like two massive fingers up to them as it is very, very accomplished.

NH:  It’s very personal to him as well.

MG:  Hugely personal as the main story sort of mirror images the relationship between him and Richard.  There’s a similar age gap.

NH:  He would always say my character is him when he was 18.  He’s connected to every character and he knows them.

MG:  And he wrote the screenplay and it’s starkly different from the book.

NH:  Matthew’s read the book, so –

MG:  That’s right!  I have. It is different.  I am always about the script, really.  But one of the really nice things about being involved is that it is a love poem to Tom’s partner, Richard.

NH:  Tom is very good in the sense that he is an actor’s director and knows what he wants you to do but is very giving to let you go off and explore things and try stuff out.  And you don’t feel too much pressure of failure.

MG:  That’s very true.

NH: ‘Cause the second you’re on set – especially when there’s only 20 days to shoot – to not feel the pressure, that’s a good atmosphere he created.  Something his assistant was saying the other day was that he’s very good at holding his hands up and would admit when he wasn’t sure what he was doing and kept everyone on side and made it a really great team effort.

MG:   I love it when someone’s like that.  It’s so far away from self indulgent as well when someone’s shooting into the 19th hour of the day and the ship isn’t sinking, but there’s a leak and it’s far better to say we do have a leak and I’m trying to sort it out rather than leaning on one side and saying everything is fine.  He is fucking great.

ON COLIN FIRTH

MG:  Colin was great.  I knew he was going to be good.  The moment I read the script, I was like, ‘this is something you haven’t done in a long time’ – just something he could really get his teeth into.   He’s such a subtle actor and it’s been a long time since I can remember him having something that central and serious.

NH:  It was a great moment when we went to the Venice Film Festival and got the message Colin was winning the best actor award.

MG:  I know.  The previous evening we had sat there and we knew it had gone down well because there was a NINE minute standing ovation.  And particularly when you’re not in the film as much as I am, then I feel like a fucking charlatan.  I stood there and am looking down and smiling and embarrassed.  Colin’s quite emotional and I tell you what – four minutes of a standing ovation gets a bit uncomfortable, but NINE?  ‘OK, Colin… fucking move. Let’s go. Let’s leave.’ And he couldn’t tell us that he had won and so he was being shy about it.

NH:  Yeah, he kept it very quiet.

MG:  The moment we found out and we were on the boat we were like ‘What the fuck?  You’ve won and you didn’t tell us!?  And he was like ‘ I know, I didn’t wanna.’  He was humble.

NH:  It was great.  It was a bit of an odd first day like you had in the sense that I had to strip off in front of Colin on my first day.  It sounds a bit seedy when I say ‘strip off in front of him’.

MG:  It does!

NH:  It’s part of the film, I swear!  And it’s handled a lot more tastefully that that might seem, but yeah it was a bit of an odd first day.

MG:  Everyone is going to say ‘oh it’s a gay movie’ which we then counteract with ‘no it’s not, it’s a film about love.’  But there is nudity and a bit of man kissing.  Frankly Colin kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row, but it was a real pleasure!

NH:  He’s got a lot of love!

ON JULIANNE MOORE

MG:  She’s a fucking hero.  She’s lovely. I didn’t have any scenes with her. I mean I’m only in flashback, so all my stuff was with Colin.

NH:  All my stuff is with Colin as well.   The first time I met Julianne was in Venice.

MG:  Yeah, she was probably in the middle of juggling six projects or something, you know, she never stops working.  She came in and shot two scenes, which were about 20 odd minutes of the film, and they did that in two evenings so she was in and out.  I never got a chance to meet her until I was at some party in LA and she is just fantastic.  And she’s married to a guy called Bart Freadlich who is a director in his own right.

NH:  He’s a hero.

MG:  He is actually fabulous!  My girlfriend spent the whole evening calling him Bert instead of Bart and he was like ‘you know, actually I prefer Bert!  Don’t worry about it’.  He’s lovely. They could throw their weight around, but they are actually family people and live in New York – they’re kind of anti Hollywood.

ON THE LIFE OF AN ACTOR

MG: There are a lot of Brits and Aussies at the moment who are working.  I don’t know what that means.  But we never think of ourselves.  When you get off the plane and you’re in America they ask ‘what’s the best thing about being a movie star?’ I am a jobbing actor, they have no idea! They make it sound like I get 500 scripts and am sitting there going through them all. If something comes up and they are stupid enough to give it to us or you love the script and audition but someone of a huge stature can come in and take it like Brad Pitt. Or Judi [Dench] – we’ve been up against each other a couple of times.

NH: I’ve never lost out to Judi yet.

MG: Only in a drinking contest! The vicious alcoholic that she is!

NH: Sam Worthington was telling me when he was in LA someone asked him why there were so many Aussies over there doing so well and his response was that it’s an awful long way to go to fail and not give it your best shot, basically.

MG: Oh. I was expecting some sort of knob gag in there, but yeah.

NH: It’s very true. I just got back from LA and every TV series has an English guy in the lead. Joseph Fiennes, Matthew Reece [RHYS]

MG: We’re good. We’re quite good…

N H: I can’t say it’s the training, because I don’t have any.

MG: You’re doing well! You make people gasp! You complete cunt. I hate that!

NH: You’re coming across very eloquent.

MG: That’s very nice of you.  OK, who used to live with Ewan McGregor and Jude Law and he has a TV show? You’re right about that. Though it makes it sound like ‘Oh you’re English.  Have a TV show’.  I’m sure they all have about ten auditions.

NH: I had an interesting day recently when I was at a BBQ and Jimmy Page and Roger Daltrey were there.

MG: Wow!

NH: I sat there and was very quiet because I thought if I speak to them I’ll make a fool of myself so it’s best to keep out of the way and then they can’t have any bad thoughts although they probably didn’t know I was there.  But I knew they were there so it was a good BBQ for me.

MG: I’d love to learn guitar. It’s one of those things I’d love to do. Though it’s not like I don’t have the time…

NH: [Laughs]

MG: I’d like to know all the chords.

NH: It’s difficult to get the fingering right… That’s what she said.

MG: And back to Dame Judi!

NH: [Laughs]

MG: It depends if you have a high action or a low action in terms of the strings.  It hurts. You’ve got to build up the calluses. If you get a low action one that would be easier.

NH:  Are we still talking about women?

MG:  Yes! [Laughs] I remember Billy Crudup got the part in Almost Famous and he had lessons with Peter Frampton but had to have lessons on the side because Peter was like ‘you are fucking terrible’. But that’s one of the nice accidents of the job is you can get training in things. And random travel.

NH: I got to do archery.

MG: You did! That was The Weatherman!

NH: No, for Clash of the Titans. I didn’t use it once.

MG: Oh yes, it was the daughter in The Weatherman.

NH: Yeah man, keep up.

MG: Sorry mate. That’s how pretty you are. I confused you with the female lead.

NH: He’s seen all my work.

MG: I have! I’ve got to learn how to do it. You are a master.  I did a Spanish film and it was all in Spanish [!] – I learnt it phonetically. Jesus, that’s my only skill.  The major skill I picked up is I can pay my rent. The older you get the more you realize there are a lot of people who hate their jobs.  I’m so glad I’m not – ha!  Famous last words! – it does seem to be going OK for now.  But bringing it back to what do you like about acting – to be honest, everything.

ON BRITISH TALENT

MG:  I think there is an element that we’re just so happy to work.  Certainly as for getting into film it was such an accident because I hadn’t worked in front of a camera.  For a while it was like what is the secret code to working on screen?  I have no idea what it is… but even ten films in I’m still sitting here renting and not owning a house.  I think that keeps you grounded.  As opposed to some American actors who are on a hundred thousand dollars doing some TV.

NH:  You don’t get comfortable so you feel you’ve got to keep on striving.

MG: I think we’re overrated. [Laughs].  There is an element over there if you walk into a room of Americans that they’re suddenly like ‘oh fuck they’re British and we’re steeped in tradition.

NH:  It’s odd that Tom got so many English actors for the film – we’re both playing American.

MG:  And Julianne is playing English.

NH:  it’s good he trusts in us to pull of the American accents.

MG:  Yeah, I mean – idiot!  In fairness you’ve done it before and I have done it a couple of times.  But it is odd.   If you think who he probably could have had –

NH:  He probably could have done better than us!

MG:  I’m sure he could have convinced someone with a much higher stature.  I think it was just we were willing to work for free, effectively.  And that’s also what makes Britain great.  We want to work and we want to please the director and often at times, yes we might have strong thoughts on character and script, but we turn up and are like, this is your vision and you are the director and we know where we fit in. Certainly the Brits, I find, we want to be told what to do or how it’s going to work rather than, ‘I’m the fucking star!’ I tend to find we leave our ego at the door. We tend not to pussyfoot around. We all like a drink. We’re steeped in that tradition as well. There’s a certain forbidden thing in America if you drink you’re an alcoholic. No I’m not, and I generally wait until at least half past one.

NH: On weekends. Weekdays, 11.

MG: There is a reason pubs are opened at 11 and it’s because you are allowed to start drinking at that time. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do it! Christ, can you remember back to when – you might not remember, actually. I gasp at your beauty as I try to remember!

NH:[laughs] I’m never going to live this down!

MG:Do you remember when pubs shut on Sundays at, like, 1 for two or three hours? Maybe I’m showing my age now. That is fucking madness. There would be a riot now.

NH:  So basically, we haven’t found a conclusion to what makes Britain great…  You’re a big X Factor fan though, aren’t you?

MG:  My girlfriend loves it.  She’s got me into it.  I mean it’s fucking hilarious.  You literally sit there and you don’t know any of these people but the music comes up and they get selected and you can be in tears and so happy that these people have been selected for the live shows.  I really like the over 25’s this year.  They’re fucking great.

NH:  Matthew Goode on The X Factor!

MG:  ‘He’s very much into the over 25s and what is funny is they are all male’.  But it is great.  But then it’s such a machine.  There is such a turn around.  Sometimes the winner gets completely forgotten and they have no career and then, obviously, sometimes they go shooting up.  But it is great telly!  Saturday night, a couple of beers and The X Factor.

[Pics - My edit of Ben Rayner photos/scan by Natalie Fairchild.] 

[longsightmyth]

So I have no interest in your ACOTAR rewrite because beauty/beast isn't my thing, but absolutely love Shatterglass so I assume it's great, but I just had a thought based on your Nesta/Mor post —— wouldn't the SJM version of Tamlin's curse be 110% easier to break if he just convinced a human man to fall in love with him? It didn't seem like three's a lot of gender equity so most fae that went south were probably killed by men, so may as well have the courage to use it, but SJM is herself . . .

The Girl and the Wolf is much closer to Tam Lin than it is B&B (the OPPOSITE of how ACoTaR was advertised to me) but I understand your hesitation.

And yes, one of the reasons ACoTaR is closer to B&B is that specifically Feyre is supposed to fall in love with Tamlin (please note space vs lack of space in the names so you know to whom I am referring) despite his 'beastly' masked appearance. I'm not sure it would be easier to have a man fall in love with Tamlin, but it WOULD up his odds if the curse was just 'someone' to love him, you're completely right. Making the curse say specifically 'a human girl' is weird for a couple of reasons in my opinion, some of which could just be early installment weirdness, re: the use of 'female' and 'male' vs 'woman/girl' and 'man/boy'. You don't need to modify 'girl' if you call the people with uteruses 'females' because 'girls' would automatically mean human. Making the curse say specifically:

If he wanted to break her curse, he need only find a human girl willing to marry him.

(Interesting also to me in particular that the curse only says "a human girl willing to marry [Tamlin]" but not actually that said human girl had to love him)(presumably this was so that Sarah Janet could write Feyre falling for Rhys with the same 'only one true love' approach as always when she liked Rhys better as she went along)(I have a whole theory about Sarah Janet's writing process that will never actually be proven but that's for another day)

ANYWAY making the curse say that specifically and not having anyone comment on it is a choice. I don't think it was a purposeful way to continue to exclude queer folks or uphold the conservative beliefs prevalent in the US today, but this is why it's important to read over your work and ask for other views from people with different backgrounds.

Disclaimer: I do not know her irl. HOWEVER.

I don't think Sarah Janet thinks of herself as anti gay or anti choice or anti feminist or racist (I am pretty sure she thinks of herself as the opposite, and to be honest, it's entirely possible she votes to help people, which is a good first step) but she does not seem to question How The World Is. Plenty of people don't. And idk, maybe she does irl, it's possible, but she does not in her writing. If she did we wouldn't have these casual throwaway lines, or the constant murder of black women, or two of her three canonically and explicitly black men be alternately sexually threatening to 'delicate' white women or used to make a white man sexually jealous at the risk of the black man's safety by a white woman who is applauded for her cleverness over it.

So to be clear, though I think I've said it before: I don't think Sarah Janet did this on purpose. I just think she didn't care enough to examine it. I'm not the person to tell you which one is worse, especially since the effect is the same.

[cleopatraas]

ACOWAR - Real Talk (SPOILERS)

I don’t like using a cut but this is a long post, so I’ll use it just this once. 

Everything aside, how I feel about ships, how I feel about characters, how I feel about everything, these are my thoughts. 

The diversity was so much better than in ACOTAR and ACOMAF. I went into this book afraid of so many things, of so many outcomes, of so many horrors, but...I was very pleasantly surprised. I could tell Sarah tried and honestly? Thank you. Thank you for trying, even all these years later, thank you for giving me this book. 

Thank you for giving me a bisexual black character. 

Thank you for giving me a black character in a position of power that wasn’t demonized (Yes. That happens)

Thank you for giving me a gay brown man (I’m not sure on Thesan’s race/ethnicity 100% and I want to do research but I think he’s Hindi). 

It’s not only Helion, Tarquin, and Thesan. It’s their entire Courts. Before ACOWAR, it was theories, rumors, fan casts, but now, it’s canon. It’s canon that three Courts are entirely people of color and even Kallias’s court, the WINTER COURT, has Fae of brown skin. 

It’s also canon that ALL THE ILLYRIANS are brown. Every last one of them, every last one. (There are a lot of thoughts on this, but this is not the time)

And a lot more people had brown skin! Like...almost everyone. I couldn’t even tell you how many times I cried, when all these characters...started to look like me. And that’s the best way I can describe it; this euphoria, this moment where everything just stands still....and you cry. 

SARAH ONLY USED TAN LIKE THREE TIMES. That’s a blessing in itself. 

AND SHE NEVER USED FOOD TO DESCRIBE US OH BOY. That was probably what I was most afraid of? Reading about Helion being “dark-chocolate” or Thesan being “caramel”. Even worse, someone thinking of them like food. It’s like...fetishizing us and its icky (unless you allow someone to call you a food nickname, which is a whole different thing). But she didn’t! She just used brown...deep brown, rich brown, etc. and I liked it. (She did use honey-brown, but I was okay with that). She also didn’t use the word exotic...bless. 

And she tried when it came to lgbt+ rep. As a straight person I obviously can’t say what needs to be said, but I can say what I thought. No, Nephelle nor Thesan’s lovers got names, but it was obvious that they were gay. I love how Helion, A BISEXUAL MAN, was never portrayed as a slut? He was never slut shamed? Yes, he wanted three/foursomes, but no one ever slut shamed him for it. No one ever looked down at him for liking both genders? Helion was forward with his attraction to Mor, Cassian, Azriel, Rhys, Feyre, AND THESAN. (The man has incredible taste)

I...liked Mor’s coming out story? Obviously there are things that....aren’t perfect. But I wasn’t really looking for perfect and I wasn’t sure what to expect. Probably one thing about it is I’m just sad Mor doesn’t feel like the Inner Circle won’t judge her, even when they don’t blink an eye at Thesan or Helion or Nephelle. So I hope a novella is about her, or she’s in the next series. Also the whole “me coming out would make Azriel sad” ??? 2+2=honey its your life who cares who it makes sad; just be happy. 

But I’ll leave that topic for people of the lgbt+ community to dissect and discuss.

Character wise...I don’t think anyone was really, completely OOC? I think there were moments where I was staring at the character like... “Okay who are you and what have you done with so and so?” (spoiler alert, it was Rhys)

Mor hating Nesta? I don’t like Nesta, but that was a bit harsh. I think you guys were robbed of that friendship. I can see how Mor was protecting her friend, her brother, Cassian, who she’s known for centuries, against this person she’s just met but....it wasn’t really Mor-like. Especially since it came off as jealousy. 

What Rhys did to Mor...was one of the most unforgivable things. I understand we’re at war, I do, but there is a line you have to draw for yourself. There is a line and bringing both of your cousin’s abusers into the same room, THAT’S THE LINE. Rhys and Azriel both betrayed Mor’s trust. And then took her safe place away from her. 

And then she had to work BESIDE Keir and Eris, no longer in control, no longer in power. I just...I’m still....not comfortable at all with this. Lines need to be drawn so stuff like THIS doesn’t happen. I don’t see Rhys forcing Feyre to work with Tamlin...and yet....he brings Eris and Keir right in front of Mor? And then kind of belittles and judges for being triggered? Next (and not entirely forgiven)

Nessian and Elriel. I don’t ship them, but I feel like you guys were robbed. 

Maybe it’s because I don’t ship them, but I don’t really see the set up for Elriel? I see them as the best team of besties ever. I see Elain as another sister to Azriel, someone who maybe can get past more barriers because he doesn’t like her like that. And as for Elain...guys let her breathe for a second. She’s still healing over Greyson, or whatever that miserable boy’s name is, and she still has to navigate a mating bond. I think they would be amazing best friends, because guys and girls can be best friends without them being related, but if you guys ship it....I can see it. That’s all I’m going to say. 

I think you guys were cheated out of Nessian. But I don’t think you guys were cheated at all....? I don’t like Nesta, but I can appreciate a character healing. I can appreciate a character who, as the fandom says, feels too much. I can appreciate Nesta’s PTSD and recognize it. But please, recognize Cassian’s PTSD, too, thanks? He almost died too; he almost lost his wings. And that’s why neither of them have thrown each other at the other. I think it’s very obvious they have some feelings...in a slow burn kind of way. And I think this slow burn could be really good so I’m really happy for Nessian shippers. 

And I don’t think Cassian was OOC. Everyone recognizes Azriel and his self-doubt, especially Moriel shippers. The main thing about Azriel and his mental block is that he think he doesn’t deserve to be loved. And I think Cassian feels that way, too, especially after failing to protect Nesta after he swore he would. 

He was willing to die to try to regain some of that honor and her trust. He almost did. Like....Twice! Yes, Nesta saw her father die, but....I think it’s reaching it to say it was OOC for Cassian not to go to her. He has his own internal struggle and Feyre herself said that they needed to give Nesta space. Sometimes going to a person right away....it’s not the best call. 

Jurian and Eris? No? Like I’m fine with Jurian...I can believe he was never the villain of their story. I can believe he has his own traumas and mental illness(es) and PTSD. Mostly because no matter how hard I try I can never remember what went down between Miryam, Drakon, and Jurian. I can barely remember how to spell their names. 

But Eris? No. Just...him being the “not the villain but also not the bad guy in the story, more like the anti-hero”, I wasn’t buying it. It came out of nowhere and it erases Mor’s trauma and Lucien’s. Eris didn’t deserve that little bit of ‘redemption’ he got, but Tarquin deserved more page time. So can I like...trade the two?

No?? Female?? Illyrians?? My heart still hasn't recovered. 

No one died? I’m not complaining, but I was sure Amren was going to die. 

There are so many winged creatures now I already forgot half of them. We have the Seraphim who I was already expecting to have feathered wings. We have the Peregryms...which reminds me of Miss Peregrine every time I look at it. We have whatever the FRESH HELL HELION TURNED INTO OH BOY I HAD A HEART ATTACK. Helion’s beast form would have me running for the hills. 

We have the “villains” who turned into “anti-heros”? I was more upset over the Carver and Weaver’s deaths more than anything in this book. Because their characters are always better. They only showed up to that battle to eat people, terrorize Fae, and get something out of it. The best™ kind. And then they....died. The Weaver’s death was so anti-climatic she deserved better. And Bryaxis YEETED so quick. Did we really think It would go back to that library? 

THE SURIEL. RIP Suri. You will be missed. The one death the entire fandom will never be over. 

Lucien. His trauma...wasn’t addressed at all. And I could let it slide...but there was time to address it. There was time before Lucien left the book to go find Vassa to address his trauma. For the love of god, Feyre saw what Ianthe almost did to him, she saw what Tamlin almost did to him...but Lucien ended up apologizing and being treated...horribly? Fix this. Immediately. Fox Boy deserved better. 

Lucien suddenly being biracial. I’m not going to complain, at all, because Biracial!Lucien gave me new life, it resurrected me on the cross. But...Lucien looked exactly like Beron in ACOTAR and ACOMAF. It was just pushed so hard, that “Lucien has dark skin now”, that is was pretty obvious Helion was his father (especially when the book was suddenly screaming at us that Helion was Helion SPELL-CLEAVER). 

Tamlin...Just...Can everyone just ship a bottle of aspirin to me? If you all do it, I’m pretty sure it’ll be enough to take my headache away. Hopefully. Maybe two bottles from all of you, just to be sure. 

I also felt like there was a different writer at some points? And the story kind of dragged in areas? Did anyone else feel that way? 

That’s pretty much it. There was so much more than I could go deeper into, but I think this is just a nice over view. If you want my thoughts on anything, feel free to use my inbox. 

[funface2]

The 50 best jokes from Edinburgh Fringe 2019's shows – and how to watch them all live – iNews

Culture

As the festival enters its final days, we round up the funniest gags on offer this year

Friday, 23rd August 2019, 09:28 am

Updated Friday, 6th September 2019, 16:32 pm

John Luke Roberts: I remember what my grandmother said to me on her deathbed. She said: ‘I wish I’d bought a normal bed.’ (Photo: Natasha Pszenicki)

I remember what my grandmother said to me on her deathbed. She said: ‘I wish I’d bought a normal bed.’ John Luke Roberts, Assembly Studio Two, 5.30pm

I went for my driving test the other day and the instructor said, ‘you’re in the wrong gear’. I said, ‘Why? What’s wrong with this tuxedo?’Nick Helm Pleasance Dome, 5.40pm; read i’s review of the show here

The best thing about being disabled is nobody ever wants you to babysit. In case you drop them. And recruit them. Rosie Jones, Pleasance Courtyard, 7pm

Do you reckon the band Chic ever found any takers for that free cow they were always trying to get rid of?Joz Norris, Heroes at the Hive, 4.40pm

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What do I want played at my funeral? Rugby.Goodbear, Pleasance Dome, 9.40pm

True crime documentaries are the only time the entertainment industry will take a chance on an unknown female lead. Jena Friedman, Assembly George Square Studios, 9.20pm

My teacher told me to make a vacuum – I thought, no pressure then.Leo Kearse Gilded Balloon, 9.15pm

Rosie Jones: ‘The best thing about being disabled is nobody ever wants you to babysit. In case you drop them. And recruit them’

In his job my dad’s never lost a case. That makes him Gatwick’s top baggage handler.Glenn Moore, Pleasance Courtyard, 4pm

I find it hard to believe Melania Trump had a body double for public appearances. It would definitely be for the private stuff. Laura Lexx, Gilded Balloon, 5.15pm

My mate came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition. He was close, but no cigar. Goose, Assembly George Square, 5.20pm

My mother doesn’t like the word vagina, so she calls it a ‘Lulu’ which was very confusing when I met my cousin Lulu, who coincidentally is a c***.Janine Harouni, Pleasance Courtyard, 5.45pm; read i’s review of the show here

Do I enjoy randomly appointing people to judicial positions? I’ll let you be the judge of that.Ivo Graham, Pleasance Courtyard, 7pm; read i’s review of the show here

I didn’t have sex at university for religious reasons. God hates me.Phil Wang Pleasance Courtyard, 8pm; read i’s review of the show here

Tiff Stevenson: ‘Jeremy Hunt has said he would lower abortion limit to 12 weeks. That’s funny because I’d raise it to whatever age Jeremy Hunt is’ (Photo: Steve Ullathorne)

My grandad died on April Fool’s Day. Every year for 10 years. Rhys James, Pleasance Courtyard, 6.30pm

I’m pleased to be getting a beer belly, I’ve always wanted a father figureCam Spence, Pleasance Courtyard, 4:30pm

I love Lorraine Kelly. I’m a big fan of her earlier work – the stuff she does before quarter to nine.Martha McBrier, Laughing Horse @ The Counting House, 7.15pm

Jeremy Hunt has said he would lower abortion limit to 12 weeks. That’s funny because I’d raise it to whatever age Jeremy Hunt is.Tiffany Stevenson, Monkey Barrel, 9.15pm

A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course, that’s 20 cows’.Jake Lambert, Pleasance Courtyard, 8.15pm

My new boyfriend told me he’s got my face as his wallpaper, which I thought was cute until I saw his lounge.Steff Todd, Just the Tonic @ The Caves, 2pm

As a Russian, I admire Jeremy Corbyn – he’s tough. The KGB could interrogate him for a week and still not find out what his position on Brexit is.Konstantin Kisin, Gilded Ballon, 7pm

Ivo Graham’s sixth show at the Edinburgh Fringe is about becoming a dad

I fully support the school strikers on climate change. I’m just annoyed that they didn’t call it the minors’ strike.Matt Winning, Pleasance Courtyard, 4.25pm

When applying for a job as an estate agent, the interviewer worried that my CV was a bit small. I said ‘actually it’s really cosy’ and I was immediately hired.Alex Kealy, Just the Tonic at the Caves, 6.40pm 

Did you know the word ‘Ikea’ is actually made up of two Swedish words? “Ika”, meaning “Sunday”, and “Keya”, meaning “f***ing ruined.”The Scummy Mummies, Assembly Rooms, 7.50pm

I won Jewish comedian of the year, my mum was judging, then again, she always does.Joe Bor, Laughing Horse @ The Lockup, Cowgate, 3.45pm

Some people think being working class is a negative thing but I think there’s loads of benefits. I’ve claimed them all.Kelly Convey, Pleasance Courtyard, 7.15pm

I got invited to a gender reveal party – when you invite all your friends over to find out the gender of your child and release pink balloons if it’s a girl or blue balloons if it’s going to earn more.Robin Morgan, The Pear Tree, 4.05pm

They say some people ‘inhale books’. I know someone who injects books right into his veins. Particularly ones with female protagonists. He’s a heroine addict.Izzy Mant, Underbelly Bristo Square, 2.50pm

Adam Hess: ‘It must be annoying for clocks that from their perspective their hands are moving anti-clockwise’ (Photo: Matt Crockett)

I know that Banksy’s my dad, because I never see him.Flo & Joan, Assembly George Square Gardens, 6pm

I tell my friends I’m here for them 24/7 because it sounds better than saying I’m only here for them on the 24th of July.Andy Field, Just the Tonic, 2.10pm

It must be annoying for clocks that from their perspective their hands are moving anti-clockwise.Adam Hess, Pleasance Courtyard, 7.15pm

With enough revs and determination any restaurant is a drive-thru. Tom Taylor, Pleasance Courtyard, 6pm

My name is Sukh, which is short for Sukhjeet, which is Sanskrit for you’re never going to find it on a fucking keyring in a gift shop.Sukh Ojla, Gilded Balloon, 5:15pm

I haven’t looked up the definition of hyperbole in, like, forever.Caitlin Cook, Just the Tonic at the Grassmarket Centre, 5.50pm

British people are like coconuts. Hard on the outside but sweet once you crack us. Also often found full of alcohol and holding an umbrella.Milo McCabe, Underbelly, 5.30pm

Catherine Bohart: ‘I suppose lesbian sex is a bit like cricket, in that it goes on forever and there’s a lot of men watching it at home, alone, on the internet’

I’m making a TV series about the different parts of my gas cooker – I’ve already filmed the pilot.Olaf Falafel, Laughing Horse @ The Pear Tree, 2.50pm

I’m pretty sure Jesus is Gay because every time I go to God’s house he’s got pictures of him on the wall with 12 hot guys having brunch.James Barr, Underbelly, 5.20pm

I suppose lesbian sex is a bit like cricket, in that it goes on forever and there’s a lot of men watching it at home, alone, on the internet. Catherine Bohart, Pleasance Courtyard, 6pm

I look the wrong way when crossing the road, so people think I just got back from Paris.Joe Sutherland, Banshee Labyrinth, 10:10pm

My dad is like a black James Bond: it’d be great to see him, but he’s unlikely to make an appearance.Alexander Fox, Pleasance Courtyard, 6pm

In Poirot you meet six really posh people, and you know one of them is going to be murdered. In real life, you rarely get such good odds.Alasdair Beckett-King, Pleasance Dome, 6.50pm 

In my show we won’t be using things like a Ouija Board. Or if you don’t speak French – a Yesja board.SÉAYONCÉ, Assembly George Square, 10.20pm 

Ahir Shah: ‘The Arab Spring was 8 years ago. I thought “How long can a crisis conceivably last?”, and then I looked at my own personal life and was like “Yeah, that makes sense”’

My girlfriend and I are saving up for a mortgage, but it isn’t going very well – because sadly, all of our grandparents are still alive. Matt Richardson, Just the Tonic at The Tron, 9pm

Devon, the county of the UK where you put the cream on the scone before voting Leave.Ivo Graham, Pleasance Courtyard, 7pm

I was living in my office for a while, until it failed its MOT.Jim Campbell, Just the Tonic at the Caves, 5.20pm

Scotland heckled Boris Johnson so badly he had to leave by the back door, like one of his mistresses.Grace Campbell, Gilded Balloon, 3.15pm; read i’s review here

I like to watch Love Your Garden when I have my tea and then True Crime before bed. I feel really confident about being able to bury a body and know what to plant on top of it.Lucy Beaumont, Pleasance Courtyard, 4.45pm  

Me and my partner were going to go on holiday to Norway this year but we costed it up and in the end we couldn’t af-fjord it. Tom Parry, Pleasance Courtyard, 6pm

The Arab Spring was 8 years ago. I thought “How long can a crisis conceivably last?”, and then I looked at my own personal life and was like “Yeah, that makes sense.”Ahir Shah, Monkey Barrel, 1.45pm

Behind every successful man is me, trying to get his attention.Lou Sanders, Monkey Barrel, 3.15pm; read i’s review of the show here

I find it quite ironic that erectile dysfunction is on the rise.Rob Auton, Assembly George Square, 2.50pm 

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Bài viết The 50 best jokes from Edinburgh Fringe 2019's shows – and how to watch them all live – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/best-jokes/the-50-best-jokes-from-edinburgh-fringe-2019s-shows-and-how-to-watch-them-all-live-inews-2/