#so yeah. the ben-ness of it all indeed

[freetobeafcknriot]

no one:

me, instead of adulting: no, see, it's the ben-ness of it all for me. *draws a venn diagram* okay so. blorbo... *points at umbrella!ben* little meow meow... *points at sparrow!ben* and scrunkly *points at the common area between them.*

[zepskies]

@chernayawidow Hey, lovely!! I was so excited to read YOUR thoughts on this! 💓💓

This was a beautiful prompt and the more research I did on breast reduction, the more hyped I got to dive into each of these vignettes with the guys.

Dean thoughts:

I couldn’t help but giggle because ofc Dean is drawn to lace like a moth to a flame 🤣

Oh of course. 😂 This man has base instincts locked and loaded for lace.

I LOVE this thought process, because in their line of work it could honestly be anything! And without context, it’s natural he would think about potential causes! Love it!

Yeah that was my first thought with Dean/SPN world! He's no stranger to scars, but he would question the location of them on her in this situation.

He’s so sweet and tender I’m tearing up 😭💖

It's my headcanon that Dean's a "giver," but we all know he's a soft boi inside, especially once he's caught genuine feelings.

Titty scar gang whoop whoop!! 🤙

Lmfaooo yass queen!! 👸💅

This right here would mean everything to me 😩🫶

Ugh ikr? Dean's just so good. 😩

"Yeah," he smirks. "I got me a little tiger. She's got some pretty stripes." — HELP I’M WHEEZING!!! THIS IS SUCH A DEAN THING TO SAY TOO OH MY GOODNESS!! 🤣 I love him!

Awww so good to hear you say that, because I finessed that line a few times and it didn't feel quite right until I landed on that version. 🤣🤣

Beau thoughts:

“So much so that when he next has you in his arms in the water, and his arms are wrapped around your waist, with your arms wrapped around his neck,” — What I would GIVE to be held like this by him 😓

IKR?? 😩😩 That's it, I need more Beau fics in my life.

“So you've accepted this, and don't find cause to hide.” — They’re character development scars, I see it as a metamorphosis 💪 they’re apart of me and my story now.

See, that's intuitively how I thought you would feel about it! You kind of gave me carte blanche in your request on how the reader thought about her scars, so I tried variations on each vignette. This one felt the most true to how I know you so far.

“Beau smiles and presses a tender kiss to your cheek. "What's to be okay with?"” — This right here is the CORRECT response! I love this sm, Beau is literally the sweetest 💖

Beau is absolute sunshine, and he's literally a father. I feel like he'd be the sweet earnest one about it in his response. I can't picture him ever wanting to make someone feel bad about their body, especially his SO. 🥹 (A "real man" indeed!!)

“"Maybe you'll let me get acquainted," he hedges. His voice deepens with southern drawl and flirtation.” — He’s a cheeky bastard, I love this line omg 🤣🫶

And that's the other facet of him I like to headcanon lmao. He's the cheekiest. 😂❤️

“And your knees begin to slide his swim trunks down his hips under the water, at the same time he unties your bikini.” — Zep babe, you’re such a TEASE 😭

Oh hun, we've established this. 🤣🤣

Ben thoughts:

Lmfao this motherfucker here...

Homeboy is the resident slut if we’re being honest 💀

The way I SNORTED. 100% accurate, my friend. 🤣 And that's saying something, because Dean has gotten around himself.

“You're different, however. You're more than that.” — Shucks Benjamin, I was SO much more that I had to cut some of the more-ness off because I was just TOO more 😮‍💨🤙

LMFAO girl I feel you. I'm the plus-sized kinda "more," if he wants it, I certainly got the "more." 🤪

“At first he thought you were shy (or worse, a fucking tease).” — Oh I can be a tease too, but only when I’m spiteful mwahahahahah

Ahaha reminds me of a comment you made on a Beau fic. Like a "slippery snaaake." 🐍

“Or maybe...maybe you were afraid of him.” — Afraid of catching an STD, maybe.

Wheezinggggg. Legitimately lmfao. Or like "Strong as Blood," he'll give you a supe STD. 🤣🤣

“With much effort, Ben controls every impatient, borderline callous remark he wants to make and squeezes your hips.” — And knowing Ben, that’s using a LOT of effort lmaooo!

Literally every cell of patience he has within him. 😂😂

"Just tell me, baby doll. You're not gonna shock me." — Well when you put it like that, I suppose you should know that I cut lots of my tits off 🤷‍♀️

Fucking DEADDD. 💀💀 And he would still be like:

“He just raises his brows at you. "Is that what the fuck you're worried about?" he asks.” — MANS WAS PROBABLY EXPECTING SOMETHING SHOCKING… and then it’s just scars lmao

LOL she did build that up, didn't she? He was definitely expecting something more. 😂

“Then his head bows a little further, and he traces the scars lightly with his tongue.” — Such a Ben thing to do and I adore him for it 😂💖

I thought it was the most fitting response for him. 😏😂

First I just have to thank you so so very much for taking the time to write this, it means everything to me and you really have hit all the right notes 🫶

You don't know how relieved I am! I told you, I was actually a little bit nervous to put this out, because it really is a personal prompt for you and I genuinely wanted to do my best. 💕

I love that you wrote how both young Dean and older Dean would react, and I really enjoyed them both! And they both were SO on point for his character! Young Dean being cute about it by possibly making a little joke and such made me so giddy, and older Dean being more knowledgeable is such a nice touch as well!

I'm so glad you loved that young Dean vs. older Dean bit, because when thinking of him I thought early seasons Dean in his 20s would react much differently to the later seasons Dean in his 40s. Both were fun to contemplate! 💖💖

And Beau? SUCH A SWEETIE PIE! They whole section was just fluffy and made my heart ache with joy! I love baby boy Beau!

I love the crap out of Beau!! He can be so earnest and has a huge heart. I do want to do a series for him soon (hopefully)! 💕

And Ben, lol. Ben's a trip, as you know. 😂

You’ve done an amazing job with this, and once again I just want to say how thankful I am for taking the time to create this beautiful piece of art 💖 thank you thank you thank you so much!

You're so very welcome, my beautiful friend!!

Thank you for calling it "art." 🥹 I try to do my best with every request, but I am genuinely so proud of this one, mostly because it was able to touch you in a personal way. 💕💕

This is very very niche one, but how would Beau, Dean and Ben react to seeing reader has breast reduction scars, and that’s how they find out about it since she never mentioned having one? I won’t be offended if you ignore because again, it’s very specific 🤣🫶

Hello my lovely friend! @chernayawidow

Ooh this is very niche, but I'm okay with that! I love a narrower prompt. It makes it easier to imagine, to be honest. And I can safely say this is the first time I've gotten a request like this. 😘

*cracks knuckles* Here we go!

Pairings: Dean Winchester x F. Reader, Beau Arlen x F. Reader, Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader Tags/Warnings: 18+ only on this one for some smuttish behavior. Description of surgical scars, body insecurity and body appreciation.

Headcanon: How Dean, Beau, and Ben would react to seeing your breast reduction scars.

Dean Winchester

Let's start with Dean...

The first time he spots it is after a hunt, in the room of this week's grungy "motel crap."

He notices the edge of some kind of scar under your breast when he accidentally walks in on you changing.

He only sees it peeking out from the edge of the bra you're trying to hook on. It's black and lacey, and it immediately attracts his attention (in more ways than one).

"Dean!" you gasp. Your face sports a wild blush. "Learn how to knock, damn it!"

Shit! He remembers himself with a shake of his head and a placating hand in the air as he spins away. "Sorry!"

Of course, he's not going to say anything then. He wonders if it was a hunting injury, from before he met you.

He buries that curiosity...until you two finally start dating.

The subject doesn't come up, however, until you have sex for the first time. Dean has you underneath him in his bed. Kisses are feverish, hands exploring each other's bodies like a pair of teenagers making out. He can't lie to himself, he kind of feels giddy like a teenager.

But he notices that you're self-conscious about him getting your shirt off. You almost stop him with your hands on his wrists.

Dean hesitates. His hand are already under the hem of your shirt, but they become more soothing along the curve of your waist.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

Biting your lip, you nod and encourage him to continue. He goes slow, but he eventually takes your bra off, and he sees them.

Faded, pink scars (small circles around the nipple, with an anchor line stemming down the middle of the breast, and a small curve line underneath).

A younger, less mature Dean might not know what to say at first.

He might ask, with a note of caring, "What're these?"

He also might feel the need to lighten the question with a joke (not at your expense), of which you might not appreciate in the moment. And he'd very earnestly apologize.

And he might ask if he can touch the scars, softly tracing the outlines.

You would explain to him that it wasn't a hunting injury, or anything like that.

The answer is simple: You had breast reduction surgery. If you feel comfortable enough with him, you'll share the reasons why. (To reduce your lower back pain, and make it easier on your body to live your life and do your job. And the truth is, you feel better.)

A Dean in his 40s would probably have seen this before, and know what they are. But he'll still be curious on why you did it, because he's curious by nature.

He'll want to make sure you feel comfortable with him, asking you if the scars are still tender, and where you'd prefer to be touched.

But the scars don't faze him.

"I like 'em," he later says, with cheeky green eyes, and his tongue moving lazily between your breasts.

You giggle at that, carding your fingers through his hair. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he smirks. "I got me a little tiger. She's got some pretty stripes."

You laugh fully at that, and your body trembles with it underneath him. It makes him smile against your skin.

You're a beautiful woman, and he feels lucky to have this chance to be with you. Not just in your bed, but trying to be together.

Because it's a chance he didn't think he'd ever get to have again.

Beau Arlen

Ah, my Cowboy Sheriff...

He first notices it on the summer you two start dating, when you two go swimming at the lake. It's Montana, so the water is still pretty cold, but you both are too high on the giddy feeling of a budding romance to care.

He sees the edge of a crescent shaped scar under your breast, under the sexy bikini you're rocking. It piques his curiosity, which is already near insatiable at the best of times.

So much so that when he next has you in his arms in the water, and his arms are wrapped around your waist, with your arms wrapped around his neck, he gains enough courage to ask you, thumbing gently at the edge of raised flesh on your skin.

"What's this, darlin'?"

You're matter-of-fact about your answer, telling him it's your breast reduction scar. It's also a subtle way you test men.

You can tell a lot about someone's character by the way they react to things like this. Especially when it's something you might've been insecure about at first. But these scars are just a part of your body now. Though they'll fade even more in time, there's a chance they might always be there. So you've accepted this, and don't find cause to hide.

Beau takes your response in with a nod.

"You're...okay with it?" you ask.

Beau smiles and presses a tender kiss to your cheek. "What's to be okay with?"

"Yeah?" you lightly press. You smile at his beard scratching your cheek. You turn your head, and he gives you a proper kiss.

"Of course, sweetheart," Beau says. And he means it.

He's a father. He watched many a change happen to his ex-wife's body over the course of pregnancy, birth, and over a decade later of natural developments with age. He's aged and changed too.

So superficial things like stretch marks and fading scars aren't going to deter him in the slightest from being with you.

His thumb edges around the hem of your bikini, sliding under the tie in the back. His smile grows a bit cheeky, while yours becomes knowingly suspicious.

"Maybe you'll let me get acquainted," he hedges. His voice deepens with southern drawl and flirtation.

Your heart beats faster, and your smile deepens.

"Okay, Sheriff...but only if I get the same privilege." And your knees begin to slide his swim trunks down his hips under the water, at the same time he unties your bikini.

Soldier Boy (Ben)

Aw geez, this cheeky motherfucker...

Ben would easily be the most unfazed.

This man's gotten "around," so to speak. He's pretty much seen it all in his 102 years of pussy plowing. (Minus 40.)

You're different, however. You're more than that.

You were the first one to treat him like an actual person when he made it out of Russia, back to the States, back to New York, after dealing with Homelander and ending that piece of shit at Vought Tower.

While the whole world either looked at him like an oddity or a terrorist, you saw a man, displaced from everything he had known.

A man entirely alone.

Until you.

Still, it took all the patience he had within him to even get you to agree to date him. And you were cautious about physical intimacy. At first he thought you were shy (or worse, a fucking tease).

Or maybe...maybe you were afraid of him.

"It's not that," you tell him firmly. You feel comfortable and safe in his arms. You look up into his eyes, and he can't help but kiss you. You cling to him tightly, like you're starved for touch. His touch.

He sits down on the edge of his living room couch and brings you down with him, to straddle his thighs. You take his face into your gentle hands and briefly look down at him with a smile.

He sees things in your eyes that he's never seen from a woman before. Softness. Genuine caring. Maybe even something deeper.

But you tense up a little, the second his hands venture under the hem of your blouse.

"What's the matter?" he asks. His brows furrow. He can't fucking figure you out. You seem to be into him (and more), but you don't want him to touch you.

You hesitate. "It's just...um..."

With much effort, Ben controls every impatient, borderline callous remark he wants to make and squeezes your hips.

"Just tell me, baby doll. You're not gonna shock me."

You smile at the sight of his grin. You let out a breath and take off your blouse yourself. Ben eyes you hungrily as you bare yourself to him.

You unclip your bra and his eyes are drawn to your breasts...and then the scars. Just like you feared they would be.

But he doesn't look disgusted or put off. He just raises his brows at you.

"Is that what the fuck you're worried about?" he asks.

Your throat constricts for a moment as you rest your hands on his chest. You can feel the warmth of his skin through the fitted shirt.

Ben dips his chin and catches your downturned gaze. Then his head bows a little further, and he traces the scars lightly with his tongue.

Your breath hitches. Your eyes widen as you watch him, but pleasure tingles delicately down your spine and across your skin as his tongue swirls around a nipple. He lifts you up higher against him so he has easier access. All you can do is cling to his arms, sink your fingers into his hair, and moan wantonly as he ravishes your body.

By the end of the night, he knocks every single insecurity out of your head. (And you both sleep soundly, fully sated in his bed.)

AN: Whew! 😮‍💨 Feel like my fingers ran a marathon. I got into this one deeper than I thought I would! I hope it hit all the right notes. 💕💕

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[snorlaxlovesme]

full thoughts on the chaos walking movie? I want to hear more about it lol I haven’t seen it yet

it just...it felt like TKONLG but without EVERY GOOD PART, you know?

scene-wise, the closest individual scene we had to anything in the book was maybe the scene where Viola read Todd’s mother’s book to him? (even that wasn’t the same bc that was also the scene where we find out he’s illiterate, and he lets her read it right away, so there was no deep-rooted embarrassment about not being able to read). also it happened in Farbranch. BUT, like it captured the emotion of the OG scene a little, where Viola is reading to Todd and he’s hearing his ma’s words and getting emotional about it.

but all the stand-out scenes from the book, i.e. saying goodbye to Ben and Cillian, meeting the girl and getting hit in the head with a branch and bandaging her anyway, ALL of the Aaron fights, the bridge, the massacre of Farbranch, the song of Here, the Spackle, Todd’s illness, the waterfall scene, Haven, NONE of that was in the movie. so imagine all the really important and powerful moments gone

also all the overarching themes? those are gone too. todd becoming a man is  HUGE deal in the books. even in his horrible awful town he just wants to feel like he BELONGS and he’s the one person in the entire town being ostracized. two of the biggest secrets in Todd’s whole world are kept from him for the majority of the book because he’s “not yet a man”. it’s important to him. and once todd realizes the connection between Prentisstown maturity and murder, he spends the rest of that book WISHING he could be a killer. wishing he could have that kind of strength and seeing himself weak for not being able to kill. 

all of that?? gone. movie!Todd often chants the familiar “I am Todd Hewitt” (and sometimes “be a man”) when he’s nervous or trying to cover something in his Noise, and has a little tiff with Ben and Cillian at the beginning of the movie bc the Mayor sees Todd as a man while Ben and Cillian do not. (that’s a weird little bit though bc the movie never really explains why the Mayor had such an interest in Todd). but that’s about it in terms of coming-of-age material in the movie. and about murder. seeing as he doesn’t. kill. the. Spackle. let that sink in.

also like. the Noise is shown as a CONCEPT but not as a theme. the THEME of Noise is that, and I quote

“In this world of information overload, the ability to feel, my boy, is a rare gift indeed.”

or perhaps

“Knowing a man’s thoughts ain’t knowing a man.”

or even

“Knowledge is dangerous and men lie and the world changes, whether I want it to or not.”

in this movie, Noise would be described as like. a nuisance at worst and a superpower at best. you can hear most of every man’s thoughts in the movie, though not a constant, never ending stream. just just bits sporadically at either plot-convenient or comedic times. the Mayor (and at one point Ben, and at one point Todd) uses his Noise to construct illusions around people kind of similar to that Jake Gyllenhaal villain in Spiderman: Far From Home. 

but neither of these two main examples really SHOW the themes that Patrick Ness showed us in the books. that Noise is powerfully ANNOYING; that it can quickly break down relationships between groups of people; that it can be manipulated making large lies still possible.

like, remember when in the books, Todd and Viola get to Farbranch and poor Todd is absolutely GOBSMACKED that 1. the women are ALIVE and 2. the men and women are living together?? in harmony?? what the eff?? and you see Hildy in Tam’s Noise and just how much they genuinely love each other and Todd is like “damn we ain’t in Prentisstown anymore Manchee”. and you can just see based on the contrast that Prentisstown people are a whole different breed compared to the kindness of Farbranch?

in the movie Todd has a few moments of inner dialogue where he’s like “oh man that’s a woman. that’s nuts” and then we move on. his world should be turned upside down here and its not. and the difference between the two towns is that they kinda just made it seem like, yeah, Noise is annoying so we have the men sleep separately from the women so we all get a little peace, and it’s fine. that’s how Farbranch deals with it. it all just feels very blasé 

(i can’t remember specifically where this happens, probably either in Farbranch or cutting back to the Prentisstown men getting ready to march, but at some point a leader ends up saying something to a crowd of people and you can see how just one sentence spreads through an entire group of men and how they all start amplifying it and getting more and more panicked and i did think the mob mentality was cool. it reminded me of the beginning of The Ask and the Answer were the Mayor is addressing the citizens of Haven and you get that moment where the whole crowd flinches over the words of one man.)

and in all of this I’ve barely mentioned Viola. my wonderful girl. how they’ve massacred her story. god.

all of Viola’s development for the first half of the book is tanked from the start bc you SEE the crash, you see her stealing food from Ben and Cillian’s house (that’s the inciting incident of the movie), she talks to the Mayor in Prentisstown almost immediately after Todd finds her and his Noise helps everyone locate her, she talks to Todd a lot before getting to Farbranch after they escape Prentissown. the book does a LOT of work for Viola by having her mute and scared for the beginning and slowly showing how she comes to trust Todd. and how even after their incessent bickering in Farbranch they still choose to escape together because they know the army is after them specifically and they’re all the other has. that progression is really important in the book, as well as afterwards when we see how snarky Viola can actually be when speaking, how she thinks this entire planet is BACKWARDS and she can’t wait til her ship comes and shows them a thing or two about how to live.

movie Viola, well. she wants to find a way to communicate with her ship. she’s under the impression that since her scout ship crashed they’re gonna assume she’s dead and leave her behind. even though the Mayor brings up the settlers a lot after he learns about them, Viola curiously never really brings them up in any other context besides they need to come and get her. like it really made it sound like she planned on calling them, having them scoop her, and then they’d all just fucking leave, i guess. i don’t know what her end goal was besides CALLING HER PEOPLE which became the main point of the movie. the Mayor trying to find Todd and Viola so he could....use her to contact the ship?? that was also kind of unclear. and Viola trying to get to a communicator possibly so she could get the hell out of dodge. idk if that was her actual plan, but it was certainly what Todd was thinking, enough to where I was wondering if he was going to sabotage her mission in order to force her to stay (yeah. yeah. he had that energy about him and it was grosss)

and quickly, since all the animals couldn’t talk the way they do in the book, Manchee was more of a cute prop than anything. i could have gotten over it if he was useful in any way, but he never even like attacked a dude to save Todd or anything like that. so when he died it was sad on a dog-level but not a character level, since besides sitting next to Viola like twice while she cried he really added nothing to the story. also the shock of animal death was greatly reduced already since Todd’s horse that he used to escape Prentisstown from got a broken leg after he rode him off a cliff, so Todd used the knife (off-screen, thank god) to put him down. so Manchee getting killed was kind of lessened a little since my man Whiskey got nixed like 40 min earlier in the film.

this is getting long so I’ll cut it here since I’m gonna probably post about this a thousand more times. but yeah. if you watched it completely divorced from the books you would probably think “that was a cool concept but also what was the point of any of that” which is basically what most people thought based on the review headlines i’ve read. and if you are an avid book fan you’re gonna think you’re watching something else entirely.

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode Twelve: All the Pretty Flowers

View on Google Docs

Summary: October 15, 2015 - Against Ben's wishes, Sammy broaches a touchy subject after witnessing a hearse delivering white roses on his way into the station. Is it a King Falls Halloween tradition or could it be something more sinister? #RedRumRoses

[podcast intro music]

[jazz music]

Chet Well the clock on the wall is telling me that’s all, y’all. So I’m gonna mosey on down to The Red Rock bar and buy all the ladies a drink on me. But don’t try to fool me again, Dennis. This has been Chet Sebastian’s Jazz Corner. Until next time… keep it cool King Falls.

[Sammy & Ben Show intro music]

Ben Good evening, you’re listening to King Falls AM [door closing]– that’s 660 on the radio dial. [slightly irked] And this is the Sammy and Ben show— sans-Sammy at the moment.

[footsteps]

Sammy Sorry about that, Ben! everybody at home. I was just running a little late. I was j- Y-you know, I just saw the weirdest thing!

Ben Was it Chet leaving? I told him to take that fur coat off. Guy looks like he walked off a set of a Blaxploitation[1] film.

Sammy *laughs* No, I wish I’d seen that. But I was driving in tonight- I was running a tad bit late, as you can see, and I swear to you: I’m coming up Main Street, I got behind a hearse delivering these giant white rose bouquets! Like, every couple of streets the damn thing’s stoppin’!

Ben No.

Sammy No *laughs* yeah it did.

Ben … SOOOOO… Weee’ve got a great show for you folks tonight. Uh, Ernie Salcedo…

Sammy Ben.

Ben *pointedly clearing his throat* … Yes?

Sammy Okay, I can see you slashing at your neck furiously and shaking your head “no”, but the audience can’t. Sooo, what’s the issue here?

Ben *nervously* I’m sorry we… just don’t talk about this, Sammy.

Sammy So you know of it! Is it like some kind of weird Halloween thing?

Ben [flatly] Halloween? Are you serious? We don’t celebrate Halloween here in the Falls, Sammy.

Sammy WHAT? This is like friggin’ Halloween Town! You know those shops that open up every year around Halloween and close the day after? King Falls is where all those shops should move to when it’s not Halloween.

Ben Two things. 1) That’s a horrible business model, and 2) Halloween is one, big, diabetic pumpkin.

Sammy Come on? You don’t like decorating? Trick-or-treating?

Ben ALL OF IT. It’s like you’re— tempting these ghouls and goblins to come and mess with you. We get enough of that here. And again, diabetes.

Sammy Okay, I can see where you’re coming from, but I’m not gonna lie— this is kind of a surprise.

Ben What can I say? We’re more the Christmas or Arbor Day types.

Sammy Okay, so the hearse is delivering flowers. What’s the deal if it’s not a Halloween… ritual?

Ben Did you really see that? Did someone tell you to mess with me about this?

Sammy Scout’s Honor. I was late because of it! I illegally passed on a double yellow line (sorry Deputy Troy) just to skate around ‘em and make my way up the mountain.

Ben … I don’t like this. I-I don’t know that I’ve ever known anyone that saw the flowers delivered. Usually businesses and people just find the wreaths the next morning. D-Di-Did you see inside the hearse? Was it… people?

Sammy You know, I didn’t look, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say… it was a human being.

Ben Well, that’s good. *breath* It’s something.

Sammy Okay, so the roses…

Ben [voice breaking] Damnit, Sammy! We got a show scheduled, ya know?

Sammy I’m well aware! Just fill me in about the roses and we’ll move on.

Ben [muttering] Yeah yeah, okay, so… *deep breath* Every year, around this time—

Sammy Halloween…

Ben OCTOBER.

Sammy Uh-huh…

Ben Every— October… there is a certain society of people— and I use the term “people” loosely— that congregate and deliver the rose wreaths to individuals and businesses. That’s— a fact.

Sammy And?

Ben Annnd… nobody really knows what happens after that.

Sammy [audible grin] But legend has it…!

Ben Don’t “legend-has-it” me! Nobody knows for sure! Why gossip?

Sammy Okay. What do you think happens, Ben?

Ben *breathes in* Uuuugghhhh… Well, I think people either accept this weird— invitation or… they don’t. But I can tell you, the people that don’t? Well… they don’t, last long after that.

Sammy Okay. So we’ve just went from spooky 1-800-Flowers to murder in only a few easy steps.

Ben Not- murder- per say, but… businesses that decline tend to… move away or go under. Or tragedy strikes. Sure, I-I’ve heard stories of these folks winding up on the wrong end of a funeral ceremony, but… I couldn’t prove it. Are you satisfied now?

Sammy Of course. Thank you, Ben. King Falls, you’ve heard our story, now let’s hear yours!

Ben DON’T open the phone lines!

Sammy We’re-opening-up the phone lines here at the station! 424-279-3858. Have you had contact with this demonic annual floral delivery? Hit us up!

Ben Don’t call or tweet us. Please.

Sammy Give us a call or tweet us @KingFallsAM, [smugly] Ben will personally answer every tweet #RedrumRoses[2]

Ben NOPE! Not gonna happen.

Sammy Ben…[faux sympathy] It looks like the phone lines are lighting up, buddy.

Ben I expected better of you, King Falls.

Sammy Lucky Line 1, you’re on the air with Sammy And Ben.

Pete Low-down, gossip-mongering, muckraking filth.

Ben [flatly] Pete?

Sammy [quiet and amused] Escobar?

Pete N-uh- it’s Pete. You know damn well I’m listenin’.

Ben Wwhat’s on your mind tonight, Pete?

Sammy Did your mom teach you to start off phone calls with name-calling, Pete?

Pete [faint creaking in bg] My mom taught me to… stand up for myself! Don’t start a fight, but don’t be afraid to end it.

Sammy Who’s fighting?

Pete Oh, what a short attention span you have, Sammy. Not dwelling on you and Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard III issues; you’re picking a fight with the Unknown! Ben told you to shut your trap. [very faint sounds of driving]

Sammy Heh, lemme tell you, this would a long four hours if we didn’t talk and, y’ know, sometimes you have to—

Pete Yeah yeah, I get it, Mr. Nincompoop Radio Host. [creaking] You gotta blab. But that’s something you don’t trifle with. You should know this.

Ben Sammy, you know I hate to say Pete is right about anything, but—

Pete But I’m right about this! I know you know, Ben. That’s all I need to know. Stop yapping about things you don’t understand.

Ben Thanks, Pete.

Sammy [mostly resigned] Did you have a question or an experience with the flowers, Pete?

Pete Abs-absolutely not! I– d-don’t try to get me in trouble. [car door closing]

Ben You okay over there, Pete?

Pete [failing at being nonchalant] Yeah I’m just out, and… uh, just out.

Sammy [incredulous] This time of night?

[car door slamming]

Pete Yeah! I’m- runnin’ errands and- stuff like that, y’know. ‘T’s- It’s not- it’s not your business!

Ben [literally tongue-in-cheek] Uh-huh…

Pete You’re makin’ something of this. Yer- you’re doin’ somethin’, you’re getting me invo— Stop.

Ben It’s just weird, Mr. Beauregard’s gardener is out at 2 in the morning, running errands.

Sammy So your boss doesn’t have anything to do with the roses, does he, Pete?

Pete Ben Arnold. If you’ve got a lick of good sense, I wouldn’t walk too close to Sammy for the next feww… mm— mmmm… lifetimes! He’s gonna wind up on the bottom end of an anvil.

Sammy You know, I just don’t think asking questions is the equivalent of buying ACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn bird.[3]

Ben [semi-stern] Y’mind answering his question, Pete?

[creaking]

Pete Oh, HELL NO. You two are a couple ‘a horse patoots. I’m never listening to this show again.

Ben Until tomorrow.

Pete PETE OUT! [click, dial tone]

Ben Are you happy, Sammy? Is this what you were hoping for?

Sammy Civilized conversation is the only thing I look for. That said… I’m gonna say, it’s a tad bit suspicious.

Ben There are dots we don’t need to connect. MOVING ON!

Sammy Maybe you’re right.

Ben Folks, we’re gonna take a break to pay some bills, and we’ll be right back and on schedule.

[rattle, guitar strums]

Dale (presumably) [voice is a low murmur (for lack of a better word)] Dale’s Dollar Tree… [strum] at dirt cheap prices… [strum] it’s almost free. [guitar,western music] Hi, everybody, I’m super excited to tell you ‘bout some unbelievable deals we have right now… at Dale’s Dollar Tree. Let’s segue to the savin’s [eagle screech] Our low prices are guaranteed… Who’s guaranteeing it, you ask? … Me… [guitar stops] How do you take advantage of these savings? [strum, rattle] 1) Walk into Dale’s Dollar Tree [strum] 2) Throw somethin’ in your cart [strum] 3) Savings. [guitar] Dale’s Dollar Tree. [eagle screech]

[S&B theme]

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, we are back and you’re listening to King Falls AM. Now we were just talking about me running late this morning, because of a, uh, hearse—

Ben [cutting Sammy off] So we’ve got a great show scheduled tonight. We’ve got Mr. Eli Goldblum on later in the hour.

Sammy And who is Mr. Goldblum?

Ben Are you kidding me? Only the most renowned post-mortal psychologist known to man! He’s on his spoken-word world tour, and this Thursday, you can see him live at the King Falls Convention Center.

Sammy … That’sss-something.

Ben Indeed! So that’s in about… forrrty minutes. Uh, we got Rose, (from Rose’s Diner, of course) calling in to talk about how the Bee Crisis is affecting her honey-baked ham specials for the- foreseeable future.

Sammy [TIL] Really? That’s something that’s happening?

Ben Come on, Sammy. This bee situation is serious business.

Sammy You get points for not buzzing or saying “beeees-ness”

Ben You don’t wanna know how hard that was…

Sammy -eh- Okay. So, how can we help with the bees?

Ben Uhhh… cut- back- on swatting them?? *awkward laugh* I-I-I don’t know for sure that’s-that’s why we’re talkin’ to Rose.

Sammy Gotcha!

Ben And our first topic of discussion this evening— was gonna be—

Sammy About the flowers.

Ben Don’t.

Sammy Okay, look. Can we open up the phone lines again? I’d like to talk about these flowers. Uh, you tell King Falls your topic, and then we’ll see what they wanna talk about.

Ben You know they’ll talk about the damn rose wreaths!

Sammy You heard it here, folks. Line 7, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Herschel Ugh, I can’t sleep with all this damn racket going on! You two DINGLEBERRIES keep it down!

Sammy *laugh* Herschel??

Herschel Oh, hell. Don’t make me get out of bed and give you a full blast so late at night! [muttered] Don’t even know where my slippers are…

Ben Mr… Baumgartner, you realize you called us, right? This is- the radio station.

Herschel I know who and what I called. I dialed you DICKWHISTLES because all this [mocking] cry-babying about the damn flowers. Turn that jazz fella back on so- so I can get some rest!

Sammy Chet is on from 10 to 2, Mr. Baumgartner. This is Sammy and Ben and we- talk about—

Herschel I don’t give a damn if it’s Tricky Dick Nixon calling to give me a Congressional Medal of Honor! You shut your nose holes about the damn funeral flowers. And play me some heroin-fueled American art! [click]

[dial tone]

Sammy We’re gonna count that as one for the flowers…

Ben Line 14, you’re live on the air.

Creeper Long time listener here!

Sammy [click, dial tone]

Ben Did you hang up, Sammy?

Sammy Yeeaah, sorry. I hate that guy.

Ben Line 3,*chuckles* this is King Falls AM.

Beauregard Good evening, Benjamin. Samuel. This is—

Ben Beauretard?![sic]

Beauregard *sigh* Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard the Third. My man told me that you were spreading more lies than usual on your little “radio show.” I thought I would call and clear the air.

Sammy Mr. Beauregard, can I just say, before this call goes ANY further— that we will not accept any abuse towards us or the listeners of this show.

Beauregard How cute that you think people listen to you two buffoons.

Ben That’s abuse! That’s exactly what we were—

Beauregard Oh, that’s a joke where I come from. You millennials would never have lasted back in my day. With your emotions and feelings and the like.

Ben When was that day, again, Mr. Beauregard?

Beauregard Information about myself and my family, can be found in my international, best-selling e-book, “King of King Falls” … I don’t have to answer to— well— you.

Sammy *sigh* Did you have a reason for the call tonight, Beauregard?

Beauregard Indeed, I do. While men with any couth wouldn’t speak about festivities that they know nothing aboouut—

Sammy So, you’re behind these deliveries?

Ben Also, while I would never name names and throw my friend under a bus— you should know this wasn’t the agreed upon topic of the show.

Sammy Oh, stop it.

Beauregard [agonizingly insincere] I don’t know a thing about the supposed yearly white rose deliveries you speak of. My family, nor myself, have ever been involved with such jovality.[sic] In fact, in all my years I can’t recollect such a thing.

Ben I don’t buy that for a second. Maybe you’ve never sent the roses, and— let’s play devil’s advocate and say, sure, you’ve never received them (which I doubt), but there is No Way you haven’t heard of this.

Beauregard Maybe it’s something you commoners have made up, like, uhh- the tooth fairy or the Illuminati orrr— equal rights for the sexes.

Ben I can’t deal with this guy! Just dump him and let’s take another line.

Sammy Wait… Mr. Beauregard. If you don’t care about this— and, in fact, haven’t even heard of it until tonight— why would you bother to break your Hate-Silence with us to call in?

Beauregard You’re not nearly as dumb as you look, Stevens! And while I continue to honor my statement before— I’d have to assume that this “rose” ordeal is a real thing. It’s probably a very special thing! An intimate invitation sent by the upper echelons of King Falls. A way of making amends or bring people worthy of attention, into a conversation that normally would not have been invited to have.

Ben Just for everyone keeping score at home: I took a college course on Crazy and I believe he is saying he knows that the wreath deliveries are real, and he is probably behind them.

Beauregard Time is money, gentleman. Not that you understand that concept. But instead of painting a ceremony you know nothing about as tragic and scary— perhaps it’s not. Perhaps it’s something more than that, entirely. In any case, it’s not something that should be spoken about in public. [phone pings] Ahhh… I’ll be going now, “gentlemen.” And while I do use that word lightly, perhaps take a break from your radio program and… check your door.

Ben Isss that a threat?

Beauregard Trick-or-Treat, Samuel… Benjamin. [click]

[dial tone]

Sammy I wonder what he sounds like when he has something nice to say to people.

Ben He probably hasn’t said anything nice to a person since the 60s… The 1860s.

Sammy Ya know, I didn’t mean to ruffle anyone’s feathers tonight. Especially crazy old billionaires who try to drive us off the air— so let’s just—

Ben I’M GONNA GO CHECK THE DOOR.

Sammy What?!

Ben Yeah. [chair sliding out] I’m sorry, man. Beauregard gives me the willies [squeak] and I wanna make sure there isn’t—

Sammy A sugar-glider on a noose?

Ben Too far. I was just gonna say— that he hasn’t had Pete ding-dong-ditch us- or something.

Sammy And here I thought the Williams boys had that market cornered.

Ben I’ll be back in a sec. [footsteps rushing off]

Sammy [shouting after him] Don’t talk about Pete that way, Ben! He’s never gonna listen to the show again! Alright, folks. We are just a few hot minutes away from Eli Goldblum coming into the studio to talk about, [ominous bg music starts] uh… I’m guessing- ghosts with lingering mental issues? Ah, sorry— apparitions. [footsteps rushing back] I’m holding out hope for an apparition with multiple personality disorder, but I don’t know if that’s a thing or not… [chair squeak, Ben sitting] Ben? You okay, buddy?

Ben [upset] How many times, did I ask you to stop talking about the stupid, hearse, Sammy?

Sammy What’s wrong?

Ben [sarcastic] Oh, nothing. You wanna go outside and take a look?

Sammy You know, I don’t think I want to. I’m happy with you filling me in.

Ben Well, I didn’t go outside, Sammy! I didn’t have to. I looked out the front window.

[ominous bg music getting louder]

Sammy Yeah? And?

Ben [hissed] damnit

Sammy … Ben. What is going on? Do we need to call Troy?

Ben The whole parking lot- your car, MY car— as far as the lights will let me see— Nothing but white roses, man.

Sammy … Are you serious?

Ben Go look!! Just don’t go out there, huh? It looked like it was snowing, that’s how many of those damn things are out there.

Sammy [scrambling for optimism] What’s the chances that it’s just a non-Halloween bouquet from Emily to you?

Ben ZERO. Zero percent chance, Sammy.

Sammy [seriously] Folks, we’ll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] Blaxploitation - Blaxploitation or blacksploitation is an ethnic subgenre of the exploitation film that emerged in the United States during the early 1970s. The films, while popular, suffered backlash for disproportionate numbers of stereotypical film characters showing bad or questionable motives, including roles as criminals.

[2] #RedrumRoses - Redrum is from the psychological horror film The Shining. It’s “murder” spelled backward.

[3] “ACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn bird” - I sincerely hope no one will ever be too young for this reference, but I once had my little brothers ask who Mr. Rogers was so: this is a reference to the Looney Toons cartoons, Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner. In each episode, Coyote repeatedly attempts to catch and eat the Road Runner, a fast-running ground bird, but is never successful. In order to catch the Road Runner, Coyote uses absurdly complex contraptions- most acquired from the mail-order company ACME- to try to catch his prey, which all backfire comically with Coyote often getting injured in slapstick fashion.

[aion-rsa]

Should the Next James Bond Care About Continuity After Daniel Craig?

https://ift.tt/3zEdm9R

With No Time to Die, Daniel Craig says goodbye to the role of James Bond after 15 years and five films—the longest tenure in the franchise since Roger Moore’s 12-year, seven-film run. Like the five previous Bond actors before him, Craig’s era was marked by both highs and lows in quality, and certain controversial decisions, creatively and narratively.

If the Craig run is remembered by one thing though (besides its return to a grittier, more psychologically complex 007), it will be that for the first time the series told one overarching story over the course of the actor’s entire run. Craig’s debut, 2006’s Casino Royale, was followed in 2008 by Quantum of Solace, which essentially acted as an extended coda to its predecessor—something the series had never done before.

But wait: four years later Skyfall, which delved into the pasts of both Bond and M (Judi Dench), was billed as a standalone adventure. Until it wasn’t. Three years after that, in one of the more controversial decisions in 007’s entire film history, Spectre retconned all three previous Bond outings, making their villains all part of the titular criminal organization. And, oh yeah, that organization’s mastermind, Franz Oberhauser/Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Christoph Waltz), also happened to be Bond’s estranged foster brother, using his vast powers and shadowy reach to not just screw with the world but also torment Bond from behind the curtain.

We don’t know at the moment if the villain in No Time to Die, Safin (Rami Malek), has any connection to the SPECTRE organization or Blofeld’s machinations, but we know Blofeld is in the picture, making him the first Bond villain to appear in at least two consecutive films since, uh, Blofeld did it in You Only Live Twice (1967), On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969) and Diamonds Are Forever (1971), where he was played by a different actor in each film (and no, Jaws doesn’t count… he’s a henchman).

Léa Seydoux also returns from Spectre as Madeleine Swann, making the character the first major Bond Girl in the series’ history to appear in more than one film. The only other example is socialite Sylvia Trench, played by Eunice Gayson, who Sean Connery’s 007 briefly romances in the first two movies in the series, Dr. No (1962) and From Russia with Love (1963), making her the first official Bond Girl.

Of course, M, Q, and Moneypenny—played respectively now by Ralph Fiennes, Ben Whishaw, and Naomie Harris—all encore as well, although these characters have often established a sort of background continuity for the Bond movies throughout the years. But with both Blofeld and Madeleine showing up in No Time to Die, it’s reasonable to assume that it will be continuous with the previous four films and serve as a grand finale for the Craig quintet. So this is indeed a first. While the original Ian Fleming novels did offer continuity from book to book, with events in the previous book often being at least referenced or in some cases, such as the “Blofeld Trilogy,” directly impacting the novel right after it, the Bond movies almost completely ignored this.

Even though Blofeld and SPECTRE figured heavily in the first seven movies, the adventures were barely connected. A different actor played Blofeld every time, and most egregiously, after Bond’s new wife (Diana Rigg) was gunned down by Blofeld’s henchwoman at the end of OHMSS, her death was never even mentioned in the next movie, Diamonds Are Forever (we were just informed vaguely that Bond was looking for Blofeld).

By the time Roger Moore took over, the death of Teresa “Tracy” Bond was referenced briefly in both The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) and For Your Eyes Only (1981), establishing that the Bond played by Moore was the same character previously inhabited by Sean Connery and George Lazenby. Otherwise the Moore years lacked any continuity at all, aside from the MI6 characters.

But now that Craig is stepping down, the question is this: Does the next actor in the series continue to be the same Bond that Craig played, and does the series pick up from wherever No Time to Die leaves off? Or will the next Bond not reference Swann, Blofeld, Safin, SPECTRE, Vesper Lynd, or any other aspects of the five Daniel Craig movies? Will M, Q and Moneypenny disappear or be recast as well?

It seems self-defeating and pointless to totally reboot the character again. Casino Royale was as good as an origin story gets, and so much of Bond’s backstory has been filled in over time that even looking back at his pre-MI6 years would leave us with an aimless, suspense-free prequel that is the worst kind of lazy, fill-in-the-blanks storytelling. We know who Bond is, and we did watch the 007 of the Craig era evolve over the course of his five movies.

Without knowing where No Time to Die leaves the character, we’re tempted to say that the series should pick right up and send the new Bond on a new set of standalone adventures, just with a new face. The new films don’t need to rehash anything that happened before, but they also don’t need to pretend that this a brand new, fresh-faced 007 straight out of secret agent school (plus they should keep Fiennes, Harris and Whishaw around — both for that background continuity and also because they’re a great team).

This is what the series has done multiple times before, with minimal fuss—and no explanation for the recasting is needed. If an explanation is called for, and God knows that fans seem to need everything explained to them these days, then the filmmakers can simply say that Bond had his face altered surgically to protect his identity (that’s always been part of Bond speculation anyway).

Whether the next set of Bond stories should all connect is a different matter, and again we’re going to argue that they shouldn’t, at least not in the way that Craig’s did. Learning that Blofeld was behind the villains of the first three Craig films was not so bad; discovering that Blofeld and SPECTRE basically existed solely to torment James Bond was a terrible mistake, however. Not everything needs to be connected to Bond on an emotional level. He can certainly be affected by the challenges and enemies he faces, but that can happen without them being part of Bond’s family history. It just makes everything smaller.

Read more

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Daniel Craig Doesn’t Think a Woman Should Be James Bond

By David Crow

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No Time To Die and the Art of Naming James Bond Movies

By Mark Harrison

Let Bond be Bond—a little darker here, a little funnier there, a bit rude or crude along the way—and let him fight bad guys and romance women (without the rampant rapey-ness of the earliest films in the series), and occasionally have his own sense of self, his mission and his view of the world challenged. The Bond films have worked in the past and can work again in the future because one can step right into his universe and not need to know what happened in the previous three movies. In a world where nearly every film in every franchise essentially serves to set up the next movie (hello, MCU), it would be refreshing if the 007 series rejects that philosophy, as it originally had.

We’ll probably know more once the next actor to play Bond is announced, which we expect will coincide with the franchise’s 60th anniversary in 2022. Then we’ll see which version of James Bond will actually be the one to celebrate that landmark—and which universe he operates in.

No Time to Die is out in the UK on September 30 and the US on October 8.

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from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/39ENUGI

[jimherrington]

I grew up in the South where rock & roll was invented. From the get-go I loved Elvis and Carl and Jerry Lee and a lot of other musicians like that, from that era, from that place. But by the late ‘70s “Southern Rock”, with a few exceptions, became a kind of redneck thing that I didn’t much care for, the image or the sound. All rock, no roll. Then, out of Gainesville, Florida, came Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers who looked cool, sounded cool, were cool. Even though his music was being made in LA, via a brief but important pitstop in Tulsa, there was no mistaking where he was from. And he had obviously been influenced by all of the good stuff. I’m no ardent defender of the South except when it comes to the music that came out of there and I always appreciated that Tom was a guy from the South making good rock & roll. It would be hard to overstate the impression that Petty’s first albums made on me and my, at that time, small circle of music manic friends.

Change Eddie to Jimmy and it could be me:

Eddie waited til he finished high school He went to Hollywood, got a tattoo He met a girl out there with a tattoo too The future was wide open

I moved to Hollywood with a camera and 20 bucks and was trying to make it somehow. In ’87 or ’88 a friend of mine was doing some work with Petty and one afternoon he asked me if I wanted to ride over with him and watch Tom and the band rehearse. Uh, yeah I would. They were at Joe’s Garage, Frank Zappa’s rehearsal room over in the Valley. We walked in the back door, my friend introduced us and Tom said, “AwwwRIGHT… a fellow Southerner!” We got high, Tom and Benmont and Mike and Stan and Howie started playing around with a bunch of cool covers… Charlie Rich songs, Bobby Darin’s ‘Splish-Splash’, Eddie Cochran. They were already one of my favorite bands and here they were doing covers of all the other records I owned. I took some pictures. Finally it was the end of the day and I was already thinking how lucky I was to spend just one day with them and watch them play in a small room. As we were all leaving and saying goodbye Tom said, “See you tomorrow Jim?” Indeed you will, Tom.

Thus began a couple of years photographing them. When I think back of what a young greenhorn I was at the time it astounds me that they brought me into the fold so warmly and frequently. They were also Southerners that had, earlier, moved to Hollywood as relative unknowns and maybe they saw that in me, I don’t know. But the fact is, even though I’d already been shooting music for years, this was the absolute, undisputed fork in the road of my music photography career. Almost all of my photos of them were behind the scenes, hanging-out photos. The powers that be, that eventually saw the photos I’d taken, must have thought that I was something I was not, with such unguarded access. “Who’s the new guy that gets in so deep with all the big guys?” Petty was at his zenith then, as a star, a maker of hits — hell, Bob Dylan and George Harrison and Roy Orbison wanted HIM around — and it’s a testament to his coolness, generosity and realness that has never been lost on me, the way he treated me and allowed me in. I was a bona-fide, card carrying nobody at that point and by Petty (and Ben, Mike, Stan, Howie) allowing me to hang out for a couple years and get real photos, the kind I like to take, not just “photo shoots”… well, suddenly I was on the radar and it was because of them.

Lots of good memories — Akira Kurosawa movies on LaserDisc… the luxury! (exactly the first thing I remembering thinking that I’d buy if I was a rock star) at Benmont’s house, rooftop debauchery and rare Edward S. Curtis photos at Howie’s — and first meeting Carlene, Mike in his front yard making the most god-awful racket on his brand new first-ever violin and the requisite Jack Benny jokes — oh, and putting him in a garbage can on the beach in Santa Monica. Stan’s coveted Billy Beer six pack and the general Stan-ness of Stan. Tom and I riding his skateboard in his driveway, “Hey, I’m from Florida, what’d you expect?”, Tom picking me up at my apartment in Los Feliz, the car door of his Jaguar opening up and a thick cloud of pot smoke and Sun-era Elvis Presley billowing out over the yard.

I could write 10 more paragraphs but I have work to do today. Tom was the real deal, no doubt about it. He rooted for the underdog, didn’t suffer fools, didn’t take any shit, especially from the record companies that he famously stood up to when he stood to lose a lot by doing it. He always seemed to be on the good side of whatever it was. Fame never seemed to go to his head, he was eternally cool, eternally liked (ever meet anyone who DIDN’T like him or his music?) He’s in the same league as Dolly Parton… if you don’t like him you must have a bone missing.

RIP to a major talent and human. And thanks.

---

Tom and his daughter, 1989. Photo © Jim Herrington

[shirtlesssammy]

Simon Said: 2x05 Recap

Welcome to Hellatus 2017, guys! We’re recapping all of Ben Edlund’s awesome episodes this summer. Hopefully reminiscing about his fabulous episodes will distract us from the pain of losing Cas, Crowley, Rowena, and Eileen (who are we kidding. blerg.)

Then:

Baby Sam is a psychic.

Now:

On a quaint city street, an elderly man gets a phone call and see visions of himself unloading a shotgun. The man looks temporarily concerned, but soon has a relaxed face and walks into his local gun shop. The shop owner greets him as an old friend, but is surprised when “Doc” wants to look at a gun. He’s even more surprised when the doc loads the shotgun, shoots him, and then himself. Our poor Sammy had a psychic vision of this whole event.

On the road, Sam insists they head to the Roadhouse (awww) for Ash’s help, but Dean is reluctant. Dean calls Sam a freak (awwww). They eventually make it to the Roadhouse, Dean greets Jo, but Sam is on a mission to find Ash. Dr. Badass is chillin’ naked in his room. 

With the help of Ash, and Sam’s stellar artistic skills, they’re able to pinpoint the town to Guthrie, Oklahoma. No demon activity, so Sam has Ash research house fires in 1983.

Later that evening, Jo queues up REO Speedwagon on the jukebox. Dean takes notice. They briefly exchange pleasantries of hair vs. heart rock, before Jo asks about their mom’s death. Dean shuts her down. And admits to being afraid of Ellen (lolz).

Sam gets a match so the brothers head out. Not without Dean getting a serious REO Speedwagon earworm though. As Dean’s singing in the car, Sam questions Dean’s musical choices, and performing!Dean shuts it all down, asking Sam about what new information he has. Andrew Gallagher: Born in 1983, mom died in a house fire 6 months later.

The boys, dressed in their finest early years cheap suits, start to question a local waitress who worked with Andy. It seems that no matter how hard debt collectors tried, they didn’t get very far with information on Andy. Dean changes their story--they’re lawyers and Andy’s aunt left him a sizeable estate. Another friend of Andy’s sits down to fill the boys in on Andy’s amazing ability of persuasion. He once got them into an Aerosmith concert! The waitress lets them know if they need to find Andy, all they have to do is look for the van with the barbarian queen riding a polar bear. She’s kinda hard to miss.

(FUCKING STONEHENGE FROM SPINAL TAP? REALLY? YASSS.)

And no surprise to us season 12 folks, but Dean’s kinda into Andy’s whole aesthetic. Sam isn’t quite ready for real!Dean. He’s also concerned that they’ve found another weirdo like himself. What does it mean? Dean wonders, “So the demon wants you out there killing with your minds, is that it?” Sam doesn’t disagree. Not really convincing himself, Dean calls bullshit. “You’re not a murderer, Sam. You don’t have it in your bones.” (Guh, what a parallel to Dean and Mary “you’re a killer” --Sam is a Men of Letters, he doesn’t have it in his bones, but he’s badass enough to bring it when it’s needed.)

For Science (but, like, serious science, because I’m pretty sure Jensen Ackles hasn’t aged a day in 10 years):

Just then Andy emerges, complete with scruff, silk kimono, and complete lack of any social grace, and somehow walks away with some dude’s coffee in hand. We soon see him interact with the doc from the cold open! Sam recognizes him right away. The brothers separate-- Sam with the older man and Dean with Andy.

With Dean in not so subtle pursuit, Andy pulls his van to the side of the road and classic dialog commences:

Andy: Hey

Dean: Hey

Andy: That’s a cherry ride

Dean: Yeah, thanks

Andy: Man, the '67? Impala's best year if you ask me. This is a serious classic.

Dean: Yeah. You know, I just rebuilt her, too.

Andy: Yeah?

Dean: Yeah, can't let a car like this one go.

Andy: Damn straight. Hey. Can I have it?

Dean: Sure, man.

Andy: Sweet.

Dean: Hop right in there. There ya go.

Andy: Take it easy.

Dean: All right.

Like, WTF, Dean?

At the same time Dean is losing his most prized possession, Sam is trying to stop the gun store shooting by getting to the gun shop before the doc, and pulling the fire alarm. Afterwards he happens to see Andy casually driving down the road in a ‘67 Chevy Impala. *Does not compute*

Just as Sam calls Dean about the stolen Impala, the doctor gets another call himself. This time he just walks right in front of A VERY FAST BUS.

Later, as the brothers watch the clean-up, Sam admits he thought he had stopped it. And Andy shows up at the restaurant, letting the waitress know that Doctor Jennings is dead. She tells him that some guys were around looking for him earlier that day.

Meanwhile, Sam and Dean locate Baby, much to Dean’s relief. The brothers surmise that Andy is verbally controlling people --Dean, and the doctor. Dean doesn’t think that Andy is guilty (OJ though? Guilty.)

The boys break into Andy’s van. And holy shit, “this is magnificent, that’s what this is.” Couldn’t say it better myself, Dean.

Later, during their stake-out Dean admits, “Ugh. You know, one day I'd love to just sit down and eat something I didn't have to microwave at a minimart.” Oh, Dean, you’ll have to wait 6 more years (and 40 years in Hell) before that dream happens. You’ll nest, I promise. Sam’s still wondering about Andy’s motive. Dean (WHO’S NEVER WRONG) still isn’t convinced. Just then Andy appears, wondering why they’re following him.  Sam starts with their lawyer cover when Andy demands they tell the truth. Sam sticks with their story but Dean is quick to admit that they hunt demons. Lolz. Dean just can’t shut up. Dean Bean. He spills EVERYTHING.

Andy demands that they leave him alone. Sam is immune to his persuasions though. Sam makes it clear that they have similar pasts --they’re connected. And just as Sam demands more information about the doctor, he gets another vision about a woman and a gas station. Andy denies knowing anything about the doctor’s death.

Sam collapses under the weight of the vision and when he comes out of it, he’s able to tell Dean about the cell phone call that triggers the victims to kill themselves or others. Dean leaves Sam watching Andy while he heads to the gas station. Not too long afterwards, Dean calls Sam from the station. The woman from Sam’s vision is already extra crispy and, as Dean notes, “the smell hasn’t even cleared.” (Shudder) Sam’s visions not only have zero chill, but they’re not giving them enough lead time anymore.

While Dean deals with the horrifying lingering smell of fried human Sam chills out with Andy and they exchange stories about their special mind powers. Andy loves his powers and never feels the need to use them to get a whole lot more out of life. He still lives happily in his Polar Queen van, after all. He’s got everything he needs to be happy. Dean pulls up then and lets them know that he had Ash run a background search on the dead woman. It turns out that Miss Extra Crispy gave birth to a kid in 1983. Since Andy was adopted, maybe she was actually his mother? They head to the county records department to learn more.

They review the birth records and discover that the woman was indeed Andy’s birth mother. The shotgun happy doctor delivered the baby. Or, we should say, BABIES. That’s right! On this extra special Doctor Phil, Andy learns that he has a twin brother. Andy sits back, astonished. “I have an evil twin.”

 Meanwhile, in evil twin land, Andy’s friend Ansem chats up Tracy the waitress, asking if she and Andy were ever serious about each other. He compels her to tell the truth. Aaaaand I’m already grossed out.

In the car, Sam suffers another vision. It’s Tracy standing at the edge of a dam and ready to jump. (She’s only wearing a slip so we get the implication of sexual assault preceding this suicidal leap. UGH)

Cut to Creepy McCreeperson, I mean Ansem, who is sitting in his car with Tracy out by the dam. It’s where he takes all the ladies. (Sexual assault no longer just implied.) She cries and begs to leave. He orders her to stop crying. “You can’t have him,” he tells her, referring to Andy. I don’t even know how to begin to rank the levels of creep in this scene.

The boys pull up nearby and prepare to go after Ansem. Sam suggests that Dean stay back and Dean readily agrees. Sam and Andy will take point.

Back at Ansem’s car, Evil Twin orders Tracy to undress - slowly. He tells her that when they’re done she should walk to the edge of the dam. When she gets there she’ll think she can fly and just step right off. Thankfully, Sam interrupts this dark instruction by breaking the driver’s side window and punching Ansem.

Andy helps Tracy out of the car while Sam wrestles Ansem under control and slaps some duct tape over his mouth. Great thinking! Only...Ansem mind controls Tracy anyway - with his mind - and she whacks Sam with a great big chunk of wood. While Andy and his twin scuffle, Tracy walks to the edge of the dam.

“She’s trying to come between us,” Ansem tells Andy by way of explanation. Aghast, Andy tells him that when you learn to have a twin you call them up and chill out. No murder! Bad twin!

Evil twin sheds some light on his evil-ness then, telling Andy that he dreams of a man with yellow eyes who promises him great things. What’s a little killing here or there when destiny calls?

A little ways away, hidden in the underbrush, Dean draws a sniper’s rifle up. (Me, rn → dead on the floor from attraction.) Unfortunately, Ansem hears him and Dean finds himself moving the rifle up to point the barrel at his own chin.

A gun fires.

Don’t worry guys, Andy saved the day! He shot his evil twin dead. Tracy gets off the ledge and Dean pulls away the gun.

The next morning Andy tells the cops investigating the crime scene that Ansem just shot himself and there’s nothing to investigate. He then wanders past a super freaked out Tracy and over to Sam and Dean. “I never used my mind thing on her before last night,” Andy says, “She’s scared of me now.”

Sam apologizes to Andy. The Winchesters have gotta split. But Sam gives Andy his phone number so he can call if he needs anything. Team Psychic Kids for life!

“What am I supposed to do now?” Andy asks.

“You be good, Andy,” Dean tells him. “Or we’ll be back.”

As the Winchesters head back to the car, Sam reflects on the outcome. Andy ended up killing someone; Andy became a killer. But Dean sees it differently. Andy was a hero who saved Dean’s and Tracy’s life. Still, Sam heard Dean’s little spate of honesty before and he’s not buying Dean’s line of total confidence.

The boys head back to The Roadhouse where they’re cornered by Ellen. She confronts them about information she got from Ash and notes the key details of the psychic kid cases: house fires at 6 months of age. All Ellen wants is the truth. “Something big and bad is coming and it’s coming fast.” They’ve got each other but they have to be honest. (I love you, Ellen.)

Sam tells Ellen all about the other psychic kids and how Yellow Eyes has plans for them. There could be tons of demon-blood-infected youth running around but finding them might be difficult. Not all kids suffered house fires at 6 months. For all those other psychic kids, there’s no way to trace them.

Ellen takes this all in and then says, “Jo, honey? You better break out the whiskey instead.”

The show closes with Soundgarden’s Fell on Black Days - which is super relevant to everyone mourning Chris Cornell right now.

We Full on Obi-Quoted This:

You’ve always been a freak.

He sings it from the hair. There’s a difference.

He full on Obi-Wan’ed me. It’s mind control, man.

And Moby Dick’s bong.

You still live in a van.

These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

What are you, seven?

[kingfallstranscripts-blog]

Episode 12: All The Pretty Flowers

*Jazzy Music Playing*

Chet: Well the clock on the wall is telling me that’s all, y’all. So I’m gonna mosey on down to The Red Rock bar and buy all the ladies a drink on me. But don’t try fool me again, Dennis. This has been Chet Sebastian’s Jazz Corner. Til next time…keep it cool King Falls.

(King Falls AM intro music)

Ben: Good evening you’re listening to King Falls AM – that’s 660 on the radio dial. And this is the Sammy and Ben show, sans Sammy at the moment.

Sammy: Sorry about that, Ben, everybody at home. I was just running a little late. You know I just saw the weirdest thing!

Ben: Was it Chet leaving? I told him to take that fur coat off. Guy looks like he walked off a set of a Blaxploitation film.

Sammy: *laughs* No, I wish I’d seen that. But I was driving in tonight, running a tad bit late as you can see, and I swear to you, coming up Main Street I got behind a hearse delivering these giant white rose bouquets. Like every couple of streets the damn things stoppin.

Ben: No.

Sammy: No *laughs* yeah it did.

Ben: ……. SOOOOO, we’ve got a great show for you folks tonight. Uh, Ernie Salcedo…

Sammy: Ben.

Ben: *clearing his throat loudly* YES?

Sammy: Okay, I can see you slashing at your neck furiously and shaking your head no, but the audience can’t. So, what’s the issue?

Ben: I’m sorry we…just don’t talk about this, Sammy.

Sammy: So you know of it! Is it like some kind of weird Halloween thing?

Ben: Halloween? Are you serious? We don’t celebrate Halloween here in the Falls, Sammy.

Sammy: WHAT? This is like friggin’ Halloween Town! You know those shops that open up every year around Halloween and close the day after? King Falls is where all those shop should move to when it’s not Halloween.

Ben: Two things: 1) That’s a horrible business model and 2) Halloween is one big diabetic pumpkin.

Sammy: Come on? You don’t like decorating…Trick-or-Treating?

Ben: ALL OF IT. It’s like tempting these ghouls and goblins to come and mess with you. We got enough of that here. And again, diabetes.

Sammy: Okay, I can see where you’re coming from, but I’m not gonna lie - this is kind of a surprise.

Ben: What can I say? We’re more the Christmas or Arbor Day types.

Sammy: Okay, so the hearse is delivering flowers…What’s the deal if it’s not a Halloween ritual?

Ben: Did you really see that? Did someone tell you to mess with me about this?

Sammy: Scout’s Honor. I was late because of it. I illegally passed on a double yellow line – sorry Deputy Troy – just to skate around them and make my way up the mountain.

Ben: I don’t like this. I – I don’t know that I’ve ever known anyone that saw the flowers delivered. Usually businesses and people just find the wreaths the next morning. Did you see inside the hearse? Was it… people?

Sammy: You know, I didn’t look, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say… it was a human being.

Ben: Well, that’s good. That’s something.

Sammy: Okay, so the roses…

Ben: Dammit, Sammy! We’ve got a show scheduled, ya know?

Sammy: I’m well aware! Just fill me in about the roses and we’ll move on.

Ben: Yeah, yeah, okay, so... *takes deep breath* Every year around this time –

Sammy: Halloween…

Ben: OCTOBER.

Sammy: Uh-huh…

Ben: Every October… there is a certain society of people – and I use the term people loosely – that congregate and deliver the rose wreaths to individuals and businesses. That’s a fact.

Sammy: And?

Ben: And…nobody really knows what happens after that.

Sammy: *you can actually hear the smile in his voice* But legend has it

Ben: Don’t legend-has-it me! Nobody knows for sure! Why gossip?

Sammy: Okay, what do you think happens, Ben?

Ben: Ughhhhh, well, I think people either accept this weird invitation or…they don’t. But I can tell you, the people that don’t? Well…they don’t last long after that.

Sammy: Okay so we’ve just went from spooky 1-800-Flowers to murder in only a few easy steps.

Ben: Not, murder, per say…but businesses that decline tend to move away or go under. Or tragedy strikes. Sure, I’ve- I’ve heard stories of these folks winding up at the wrong end of a funeral ceremony, but I couldn’t prove it. You satisfied now?

Sammy: Of course. Thank you, Ben. King Falls you’ve heard our story, now let’s hear yours!

Ben: DON’T open the phone lines!

Sammy: We’re opening up the phone lines here at the station. 424-279-3858. Have you had contact with this demonic annual floral delivery? Hit us up!

Ben: Don’t call or tweet us. Please.

Sammy: Give us a call or tweet us @KingFallsAM. Ben will personally answer every tweet #RedRumRoses

Ben: NOPE! Not gonna happen.

Sammy: Ben…. It looks like the phone lines are lighting up, buddy.

Ben: I expected better of you, King Falls.

Sammy: Lucky Line 1 you’re on the air with Sammy and Ben.

Pete: Low down, gossip mongering, muckraking FILTH.

Ben: Pete?

Sammy: *softly* Escobar?

Pete: No, it- it’s Pete. You know damn well I’m listening.

Ben: What’s on your mind tonight, Pete?

Sammy: Did your mom teach you to start off phone calls with name-calling, Pete?

Pete: My mom taught me to…stand up for myself. Don’t start a fight, but don’t be afraid to end it.

Sammy: Who’s fighting?

Pete: Oh, what a short attention span you have, SAMMY. Not dwelling on you and Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard III issues, you’re picking a fight with the unknown. Ben told you to shut your trap.

Sammy: Heh, let me tell you, this would a long 4 hours if we didn’t talk. You know, sometimes you have to –

Pete: Yeah, yeah, I get it, Mr. Nincompoop radio host.  You gotta blab, but that’s something you don’t trifle with. You should know this.

Ben: Sammy, you know I hate to say Pete is right about anything, b-

Pete: But I’m right about this! I know you know, Ben. That’s all I need to know. Stop yapping about things you don’t understand.

Sammy: Thanks, Pete. Did you have a question or an experience with the flowers, Pete?

Pete: Ab-absolutely not. I – don’t try to get me in trouble.

Ben: You okay over there, Pete?

Pete: *nervous* Yeah I’m just out…uh, just out.

Sammy: This time of night?

Pete: Yeah, I’m just out uh runnin errands and stuff. It’s n- it’s not your business!

Ben: Uh-huh…

Pete: You’re makin something of this. You- you’re doin something. You’re getting me invol-stop!

Ben: It’s just weird, Mr. Beauregard’s gardener is out at 2 in the morning running errands.

Sammy: So your boss doesn’t have anything to do with the roses, does he, Pete?

Pete: Ben Arnold, if you got a lick of good sense, I wouldn’t walk too close to Sammy for the next few hmmm…life times! He’s gonna end up on the bottom end of an anvil.

Sammy: You know, I just don’t think asking questions is the equivalent of buying ACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn bird.

Ben: Mind answering his question, Pete?

Pete: Oh, HELL NO. You two are a couple of horse patoots. I’m never listening to this show again.

Ben: Until tomorrow.

Pete: PETE OUT *hangs up*

Ben: Are you happy, Sammy? Is this what you were hoping for?

Sammy: Civilized conversation is the only thing I hope for. That said, I’m gonna say… it’s a tad bit suspicious.

Ben: There are dots we don’t need to connect. MOVING ON

Sammy: Maybe you’re right.

Ben: Folks, we’re gonna take a break to pay some bills, and we’ll be right back and on schedule.

(Wild West Themed Music) Dale’s Dollar Tree…at dirt cheap prices…it’s almost free. Hi, everybody, I’m super excited to tell you bout some unbelievable deals we have right now…at Dale’s Dollar Tree. Segue through the sands *Eagle Screeches * Our low prices are guaranteed. Who’s guaranteeing it you ask? Me. How do you take advantage of these savings? 1) Walk into Dale’s Dollar Tree 2) Throw something in your cart 3) Savings. DALE’S DOLLAR TREE *EAGLE SCREECHES*

(King Falls AM theme plays)

Sammy: Ladies and gentlemen, we are back. You’re listening to King Falls AM. Now we were just talking about me running late this morning, cause of a hearse-

Ben: SO WE GOT A GREAT SHOW SCHEDULED TONIGHT. We’ve got Mr. Eli Goldblum later in the hour.

Sammy: And who is Mr. Goldblum?

Ben: Are you kidding me? Only the most renowned mortal psychologist known to man. He’s on his spoken word world tour. This Thursday you can see him live at The King Falls Convention Center.

Sammy: That’s…something.

Ben: Indeed! So that’s in about…40 minutes. We got Rose from Rose’s Diner, of course, coming in to talk about how the bee crisis is affecting her honey baked ham specials in the foreseeable future.  

Sammy: Really? That’s something that’s happening?

Ben: Come on, Sammy. This bee situation is serious business.

Sammy: You get points for not buzzing or saying “beeeees-ness”

Ben: You don’t wanna know how hard that was…

Sammy: So, okay…how can we help with the bees?

Ben: Uh… cut back on swatting them? I-I-I don’t know for sure that’s-that’s why we’re talkin to Rose.

Sammy: Gotcha

Ben: And our first topic of discussion this evening was gonna be –

Sammy: About the flowers.

Ben: Don’t.

Sammy: Okay, look: can we open up the phone lines again? I’d like to talk about these flowers, and you can tell King Falls your topic, and then we’ll see what they wanna talk about.

Ben: You know they’ll talk about the damn rose wreaths!

Sammy: You heard it here, folks. Line 7, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Herschel: Ugh I can’t sleep with all this damn racket going on! You two DINGLEBERRIES keep it down!

Sammy: *laughs* Herschel?

Herschel: Oh, hell. Don’t make me get out of bed and give you a full blast so late at night. Don’t even know where my slippers are…

Ben: Mr. Baumgartner, you realize you called us, right? This is the radio station.

Herschel: I know WHO and WHAT I called. I dialed you DICKWHISTLES because all this cry babying about the damn flowers. Turn that jazz fella back on so I can get some rest!

Sammy: Chet is on from 10pm-2am, Mr. Baumgartner. This is Sammy and Ben and we talk about –

Herschel: I don’t give a damn if it’s Tricky Dick Nixon calling me to give me a congressional medal of honor! Shut your nose holes about the damn funeral flowers and play some good ol heroin fueled American art! *hangs up*

Sammy: We’re gonna count that as a 1 for the flowers…

Ben: Line 14 you’re live with Sammy and Ben

Caller: Long time listener here!

Sammy: *hangs up line*

Ben: Did you hang up, Sammy?

Sammy: Yeah, sorry. I hate that guy.

Ben: *chuckles* Line 3, this is King Falls AM.

Beauregard: Good evening, Benjamin. Samuel. This is –

Ben: Beauregard?!

Beauregard: *sighs* Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard the THIRD. My man told me that you were spreading more lies than usual on your little radio show. I thought I would call and clear the air.

Sammy: Mr. Beauregard, can I just say... before this call goes ANY further, that we will not accept any abuse towards us or any listeners of the show.

Beauregard: How cute that you think people listen to you two buffoons.

Ben: That’s abuse! That’s exactly what we were –

Beauregard: Oh, that’s a joke where I come from. You millennials would’ve never lasted back in my day. With your emotions and feelings of the like.

Ben: When was that day, again, Mr. Beauregard?

Beauregard: Information about myself and my family can be found in my international best selling e-book, “King of King Falls” … I don’t have to answer to, well, you.

Sammy: *sighs* Did you have a reason for the call tonight, Beauregard?

Beauregard: Indeed, I do. While men with any couth wouldn’t speak about festivities that they know nothing about.

Sammy: So, you’re behind these deliveries?

Ben: Also, while I would never name names and throw my friend under a bus, you should know this wasn’t the agreed upon topic on the show.

Sammy: Oh, stop it.

Beauregard: I don’t know a thing about the supposed yearly delivery of white roses that you speak of. My family, nor myself, have ever been involved with such joviality. In fact, in all my years I can’t recollect such a thing.

Ben: I don’t buy that for a second. Maybe you’ve never sent the roses, and let’s play devil’s advocate and say sure you’ve never received them, which I doubt, but there is no way you haven’t heard of this.

Beauregard: Maybe it’s something you commoners have made up. Like, the tooth fairy or the illuminati… or equal rights for the sexes.

Ben: I can’t deal with this guy! Just dump him and let’s take another line.

Sammy: Wait, Mr. Beauregard, if you don’t care about this and in fact haven’t even heard of it until tonight, why would you bother to break your hate silence with us to call in?

Beauregard: You’re not nearly as dumb as you look, Stevens. And while I continue to honor my statement before, I’d have to assume that this rose ordeal is a real thing. It’s probably a very special thing. An intimate invitation sent by the upper echelons of King Falls. A way of making amends or bring people worthy of attention into a conversation they normally would not have been invited to have.

Ben: Just for everyone keeping score at home, I took a college course on crazy and I believe he’s saying he knows that the wreath deliveries are real and he’s probably behind them.

Beauregard: Time is money, gentleman. Not that you understand that concept. But instead of painting a ceremony you know nothing about as tragic and scary, perhaps it’s not. Perhaps it’s something more than that, entirely. In any case, it’s not something that should be spoken about in public. *phone chirps* Ah…I’ll be going now, gentlemen. And while I do use that word lightly perhaps take a break from your radio program and check your door.

Ben: Is that a threat?

Beauregard: Trick-or-Treat, Samuel…Benjamin. *hangs up*

Sammy: Wonder what he sounds like when he has something nice to say to me…

Ben: Probably hasn’t said anything nice to a person since the 60’s. The 1860’s.

Sammy: Ya know, I didn’t mean to ruffle anyone’s feathers tonight. Especially crazy old billionaires who try to drive us off the air, so let’s just –

Ben: I’M GONNA GO CHECK THE DOOR.

Sammy: WHAT?

Ben: Yeah, I’m sorry, man… Beauregard gives the willies and I wanna make sure there isn’t –

Sammy: A sugar glider on a noose?

Ben: Too far. I was just gonna say that he hasn’t had Pete ding-dong-ditch us or something.

Sammy: And here I thought the Williams Boys had that market cornered.

Ben: I’ll be back in a sec. *sounds of getting up from his chair and leaving*

Sammy: *calling after him* Don’t talk about Pete that way, Ben! He’s never gonna listen to the show again! Alright, folks. We’re just a few hot minutes away from Eli Goldblum coming into the studio to talk about…I’m guessing ghosts with lingering mental issues? *ominous music starts playing* Ah, I’m sorry apparitions. *sounds of Ben running back into the studio* I’m holding out hope for an apparition with multiple personality disorders, but I don’t know if that’s a thing or not. Ben? You okay, buddy?

Ben: How many times did I ask you to stop talking about the stupid hearse, Sammy?

Sammy: What’s wrong?

Ben: Oh, nothing. You wanna go outside and take a look?

Sammy: You know, I don’t think I want to. I’m more than happy with you filling me in.

Ben: Well, I didn’t go outside, Sammy. I didn’t have to. I just looked out the front window.

Sammy: Yeah, and? Ben, what’s going on do we need to call Troy?

Ben: The whole parking lot: my car, your car, as far as the lights will let me see…nothing but white roses.

Sammy: Are you serious?

Ben: Go look! Just don’t go out there. It looked like it was snowing, that’s how many of those damn things are out there.

Sammy: Okay, what’s the chances that it’s just a non-Halloween bouquet from Emily to you?

Ben: ZERO. Zero percent chance, Sammy.

Sammy: Folks, we’ll be right back after a word from our sponsors.