#so yeah real names for everyone for my own sanity

[kugisakiss]

so if you're secretly a cop and he's secretly a cop and i'm also secretly a cop, then what's with the grade schooler running around our ankles exposing us?

[bless-my-demons]

Redamancy: Chapter Sixteen

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: angsty angst… it’s not getting better anytime soon lol and a few cuss words.

Notes: Ngl this one is a little light on the word count(so sorry!), but ya girl has been dealing with a week of no power following a hurricane… This chapter still hurt me in the chest, but I’m trying to be patient while I get to the juicy bits! If the name I have for your blog isn’t working, please let me know and I can fix it asap for you!

Word Count: 1300

Series Masterlist

• Late September, 2005 • Forks HS •

Reader

Getting involved romantically with a vampire - what’s there to lose?

Everything, apparently.

To include my sanity, my piece and fucking quiet too.

“Did you finally scare him off? Or did he realize he could do better and run for the hills?” Lauren Mallory sneers, Forks High School’s resident bitch.

Her manicured hand slowly slides up my locker door and snaps it shut, I manage to snatch my hand back in time to avoid the thin metal before it could do any damage.

Rolling my eyes, I turn and head towards my next class silently, not in the mood to engage for fear of tossing fuel onto her fire. I can hear her cackle as I walk away, thankfully she doesn’t follow or I would’ve truly lost it.

Rounding the corner and finally out of her line of sight, I beeline for the nearest bathroom. Stumbling in, I push open the closest unoccupied stall and sit on the toilet, bag in my lap.

Eyes closed, deep breaths, it’s fine. Everything is fine. Her words mean nothing and they’re empty, she’s an opportunistic cunt and doesn’t know the situation. Her words mean nothing, Y/n.

Except they plant a seed of doubt anyways.

He did run for the hills, they all did. I told him I loved him and nothing. Gone, erased from my life, ripped off like a stuck band aid that leaves behind a red welt and a slight sting.

Except there’s nothing slight about the sting in my chest. Breathe Y/n, or you’ll lose the fucking plot and freak. With shaking hands, I pull out a pack of gum and unwrap a stick - something minty to focus on.

Two quick knocks on the stall door break me from my thoughts, “Occupied!” I manage to choke out.

“It’s me, you alright?” Angela Weber’s quiet voice rings out in the otherwise empty bathroom.

“Oh um, yeah. I-I’m okay.” The tremble in my voice is obvious, but thankfully she affords me the nicety of not commenting on it.

“Okay, well I just wanted to check on you.” A pause, “I saw what happened in the hallway, she’s wrong you know.” My breath hitches and I know she hears it. “Everyone saw the way he looked at you… Just know, she’s wrong.”

I watch under my stall door as her white tennis shoes disappear and the main bathroom door swings shut, quickly swallowing a sob trying to worm it’s way up my throat.

Some days he feels like a figment of my imagination, a dream I dreamt and can’t discern from reality. And some days I’m reminded that he was real, that he made me feel things I can’t get rid of.

Things I really wished I could get rid of.

One of the worst side effects of them being gone is how lonely I didn’t realize I’d be without them. I mean, from my first day here Jasper captivated me.

Now… Now everything seems dull and draining. A different kind of quiet that leaves me empty, a complete opposite to his comfortable silence. No one to talk to, no one to look forward to seeing, no one that understands.

Well, one person understands.

But she’s not exactly here enough to carry a conversation. Not that I can blame her, I’ve been avoiding people in my own way. They either ask about them and why they’re gone or they look at me with pity, both of which I don’t care to experience.

The days begin blurring together, the rain that’s always pouring over the Olympic Peninsula drowns everything constantly - almost as if the sky is sad in solidarity with me. Music seems too itchy and loud, books are too hard to focus on to just read what’s on the page, and just about anything else I could think of to get him off my mind is too… Complex. Stressful. Monumentous. Impossible.

Three familiar rapid, but soft knocks at my door snap me from the reverie of my silent room.

“Dinner is ready, sweetheart.” I think the crease between my mother’s brow is a permanent fixture nowadays, one that’s entirely my fault.

“I’m not really hungry.” Watching her face fall immediately has me scrambling for a cover, “But I’m sure I’ll be hungry later if you save some in the fridge.” The smile I give her isn’t fooling anyone, but at least I’m trying.

I have to try.

“Okay baby girl, you say the word and I’ll heat it up for you.” She lingers a few beats longer, her grip on the doorframe looks like it’s the only thing keeping her upright before she retreats downstairs.

My mom isn’t the most involved in my life and I prefer it that way, but Jasper being gone… The way it’s affected me is also taking its toll on her and it’s obvious. Guilt begins worming it’s way into my chest and prickles at the corners of my eyes, fuck.

I have to try.

• Late October, 2005 • Ithaca, New York •

Jasper

Life has been… extremely off-kilter since that night.

My hunger comes with a vengeance I’ve never experienced and my moods? They rival Rosalie’s and I’m supposed to be able to control them.

I’ve tried going longer between feedings to try and beat this crisis into submission, but it feels as though I’m fighting an uphill battle and I can’t see the crest of the mountain. I’m drowning and these feelings are dragging me further from the surface, the light is getting harder to see and my lungs are screaming.

Emmett hasn’t spoken to me this entire time out of frustration and I get it. The rest of my family is on pins and needles, the silence at home stretching open with every passing moment. Esme has been nothing but a pile of worry since Edward decided to become nomadic for a while. A temptation I myself feel, but can’t act on - not while my hunger is this volatile. Carlisle is working the night shift at a nearby hospital, our new location not as overcast as our previous one. Alice… Alice is angry. I catch her staring off into space more often than not and I know, the temptation to ask is on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to. Rose is strangely quiet, content to take care of small things around the house Esme would normally busy herself with and trying to cheer her mate up to no avail.

It all feels too much and not enough.

I know that if I could sleep, I would dream of her. I would try to at least. Try to remember her scent, the softness of her sweaters, the curve of her hip, the way she sinks into me when I hold her… White-hot flames lick me from the inside out and I close my eyes against the inferno, her smile a torturous image behind my eyelids. Get a grip - for fuck’s sake, you chose this to keep her safe.

I chose this to keep her safe.

I will keep her safe. Even if that means staying away from her, even if that means removing her, my heart, from my chest.

“I love you.”

Her confession rips through me even now, three of the most perfect combinations of words to grace those beautiful lips and I… Left her. Like a coward.

I left behind my heart on the driveway of a now cold and empty house. Alone. Unanswered.

But she’s safe. Safe from the monster crawling around under the surface of my skin, begging and pleading to be set free.

Safe from me.

Next

Taglist:

@aoi-targaryen @min-jianhyung @pbbsl @timelordhunterandmysterysolver @sheerangermany @clearwater-hoe @Blackbluerose666 @ivy-plays @random-human02 @delightfulbluebirdstarlighy @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @gaymazinglula @l3ejm @angelfuzzy2 @losa12308 @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @flyawayprincess @ropickle @catbusloki @deviat3dsn0wf0x @lovesanimals0000 @unrevived @h-naec @cutesnakemum @zudooms @itsmytimetoodream @stinkii-boii @acoolnight @anothercoffeeblogx @irishblend10 @from-now-on-im-switzerland @kyraslife2 @naolvshan @kiiwiigii @rosedpetal @kiaraandrea @foolsgoldxo @heartfilia01 @azuredgalaxies @geekysimmerthings @graciereads @ramen-girl-2424 @0hmydekiru @creeqvealley @cherriebat @whichwitchisthebitch @dragon-rider-with-a-book @secretfairytailpetscookie @psychobitchsthings

@RavensandWriters -I couldn’t find your blog sweetheart! Your entry on google forms had spaces and I’m not sure if it might’ve auto-corrected, I’m so sorry!!🥺 if you see this, shoot me a PM or comment and I’ll fix it!

[callsignmarz]

MDNI | Ghost x Reader

“He’s Still Grieving.”

Life could be so unexpected. So empty. So cruel.

Full of all the ‘what if’s.’

Delicate rainfall descends from the heavens above, muting the outside world. Ghost overlooks the streets of London from inside of his flat with exhaustive eyes, twirling a whirlpool in his glass of bourbon.

“Drinking again?” You berated with concern, watching as he drowns his sorrows in alcohol.

“I got a lot on my mind.” He mumbled.

His drinking became a nightly ritual, numbing the shame and guilt that loomed over like the grey clouds in the night sky. Letting out a defeated sigh, Ghost shuts his eyes, listening to how your soft voice blends almost perfectly with the rain.

“You know, I hate when you go on a binge like this.”

Sensing his distress, you step closer, reaching out to embrace Ghost from behind. Yet, his body only tenses more underneath your touch.

“Talk to me, my love. Is it work?”

Your innocent question curls a faint smile on Ghost’s lips.

After a passing beat, he lets out a quiet laugh.

“You were always a thorn in my ass.”

“Just a thorn? I aim to be an entire cactus.” You remarked with a chuckle, taking the glass from his hands and gently setting it down on the nightstand beside the guest’s bed.

For a fleeting moment, everything felt normal. Then the sweet smile on your face fades as your brows furrow in deep thought.

“Are you ever going to move back into our bedroom?” You ask in a thin sounding tone.

Ghost’s frowns deeply, fighting to keep a handle on his composure. He wanted nothing more than to be back in the bedroom. Waking up next to you every morning, holding you close and kissing you whenever he pleases.

“No, not after what happened.” Ghost said firmly, ignoring the tightening in his throat.

Turning from the window, your head briefly sinks between your shoulders as he brushes past you, neither of you capable to meet each other’s gaze. Your heart squeezed painfully, knowing how much pain he was in, how much he lost then and now.

“I don’t blame you, Simon.” You say just before he leaves the room.

Ghost frozen in his tracks. Hearing his name leave your mouth with such ease broke the last shred of self-control. Spinning around, your heart races when Ghost charges at you in two large strides with self-loathing tears streaming down his face as he finally releases all his pent up emotions.

“You don’t get to say that, you’re not even real, Y/N! You’re fucking dead and it’s all my fault. I could’ve saved you, just like everyone fucking else in my life. But, no! I let my entire family down, I let Johnny down…now, I let you down.”

Choking back a sob, Ghost collapses on the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands with the memories of the day he lost you flood back in.

The pitch from the sirens embedded within the walls of your home along with the sight of EMT’s worked vigorously to resuscitate you.

Every second matters.

Was the last thing the doctor said to Ghost before rushing you off for emergency surgery. 30 minutes later, you passed away from the brain aneurysm.

Since then, the man you loved so dearly deteriorated into nothing but a hallow shell with the only way of coping is searching for solace at the bottom of a bottle.

Little by little, the grief ate away at what was left of his sanity and the apparition of you began haunting him.

“I just miss you, Y/N…I miss you so much.” Ghost’s voice broke, dropping his hands from his face.

When Ghost looked at you, his brows scrunched as he saw the look of your face. In your eyes, Ghost saw the final farewell. The realization hit painfully as he jumped to his feet with woeful expression.

“No, please I’m not ready to let you go.” He pleaded as you held a bittersweet smile on your face, your own tears running along your flushed cheeks.

“I know and I’m sorry, my love. But, this is for the best. I need you to get better and stay strong for us. Okay?”

“Us?”

“Yeah, L.T. All of us.”

Ghost whips around with bulging eyes when he hears a familiar voice come from behind him.

On the other side of the room stood, Tommy with an arm around Beth, his mother, who was holding Joseph and Soap.

All of them looked as happy and healthy as Ghost last remembered.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, LT.” Johnny and Tommy chuckle at the bewildered look plastered on Ghost’s face.

“No matter what happens, we’re always going to be here for you, Sweetheart. And we’re so proud of the man you’ve become.” His eyes pull towards his mother’s soothing voice, then circles back towards you.

“It’ll be okay, Simon. Think of this as a ‘See you next time’ rather than a ‘Goodbye.’” You reassured Ghost as your hand swiftly cups his stubbled cheek.

Leaning into your touch one last time, Ghost silently accepted that it was time to let go. With a heavy heart, he whispers out his promise.

“I’ll do better, okay. Just…please don’t be a stranger.”

You give him a simple nod, then cradled him into your arms as he clung onto you for the last time. Ghost nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, smothering back the occasional sniffles.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Pulling away from each other, Soap’s hand slams down on the back of Ghost’s neck, joshing him around a bit.

“It’ll be okay, L.T. No need for the water works. I thought you told me you had a cold heart.” He teases, livening up the air, evoking a light chuckle from everyone. Soap leans closer, keeping his tone low and assuring, his baby blue eyes full of understanding. “Don’t worry, Sir. I’ll take care of them all.”

Ghost nods thankfully as he pulled away from you completely, wiping away the tears to take in everyone’s smiling faces before finally fading away, leaving Ghost alone once more.

This time the room felt emptier.

However, Ghost had to do one last thing before he could finally move on.

His legs carried himself out the guest room, in the living room, there was a shelf where your urn occupied and right next to it was a sliver key. As he took ahold of the key, Ghost hand caresses you urn with a sentimental smile. He then strolled over, unlocking and entering the master bedroom.

“Hey there, beautiful…”

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.66 Triggered

We left the club and went back to Oasis Springs to grab a bite before returning home, and Sophia was eerily quiet the entire way there. She didn't sigh or anything. Her clacking boots were my only company, and it made me worried. Officially ending things with Yasmine was the right thing, but somehow I managed to upset Sophia, too. I had to find out what went on in her head, but gently, so I let the silence linger until after the server left.

"Heeeey," she said hesitantly, "you're that yoga guy!"

"Uhh, hi. Have you been to one of my classes?"

"Me? Watcher no! I saw you on SimTube. You're even cuter in person!"

I took a quick peek at Sophia to check her mood. Too bad she had a killer poker face. I couldn't tell if she was genuinely amused or plotting my death.

"Umm...thanks. Can I get a cheeseburger and whatever the drink special is?"

She took our orders and left us to suffer through the awkward wait.

"Okay," I began. "I sense you are mad at me..."

Sophia shook her head.

"I'm just processing, Luca."

"Okay..."

"I'm surprised, and a little blindsided, but...should I be mad, though? Because, frankly, I didn't know there was anything to be mad about."

This was totally new to me, and I had no idea what to do. I felt like she was being real and looking for answers. On the flip side, it felt like a trap and I had to tread lightly.

"I don't think you should be mad."

"Please explain. This situation is triggering."

UGH! I was such an idiot. I thought I did what Dad suggested, making sure everyone understood the casual dating situation. But not only did I fail to tell them about each other, I was so in my head about falling in love with Sophia, I didn't tell her anything, and now she thinks I'm just like her douche bag cheating ex.

"I'm so sorry, Sophia. I didn't realize I created such a mess. Nothing is going on between me and her. I swear!"

"I know that, sweetie. I know you, and you wouldn't do that to me. But... I guess I'm just surprised that... I had no idea you were seeing other women."

"Yeah. I realize that now, and I'm sorry. So, like... You know about what I've been going through. I've wanted to be with you ever since our Social Bunny days. You were so easy to talk to, and I felt safe with you. I was so confident there was no one else like you, and that scared me. I didn't trust that the first woman who paid attention to me could be the one. It seemed too easy and felt like a trap, given what I know about my parents. I had to be sure, so I tried to date other women. Not because I wanted to find someone else, but because I didn't want to make a mistake...like my parents."

"It all makes sense now," she said.

"What does?"

"Why we didn't hang out more after the first time."

"Oh. Yeah."

"I understand what you're saying, Luca. We weren't in a relationship, and you were free to be with whomever you wanted. But there's a small part of me that feels a little betrayed, like you were hiding these women from me."

"I understand. Just to set the record straight, I wasn't hiding them. At least, not intentionally. I didn't know if I needed to tell you."

"Just for my own sanity...are we going to run into anyone else you've been avoiding?"

"No. Yasmine was the only one I actually dated. My neighbor in San Sequoia was interested, but I never felt right about asking her out. I consider us friends, so I think she'll be happy for me when I tell her."

"Alright. Anyone else?"

"No. Well, I have another friend...Maira. She's one of my best friends, actually. I was open to dating her because we got on well and she was a good sim, but our friendship just never went that way. I actually told her about you before I asked you out, and she wants to meet you."

After Maira and I had that conversation, I had to reckon with my feelings and name them so I could deal with them properly. Since then, I discovered a distinction between loving someone and being in love. Love wasn't always romantic. I loved my parents; I loved my sister; and I loved Maira. Having love for her didn't mean I wanted to threaten my relationship with Sophia. It just meant I cared for her deeply and would always be there for her...as a friend. End of story.

"Her last name wouldn't happen to be Watson, would it?"

"You know her?"

"Not really, but her sister, Rashidah, is my best friend!"

"No kidding! Small world."

"Yeah... I do think it's kinda weird your best friend is a woman, but if she's important to you, I want to meet her too."

"To be fair, my sister is my best friend, but I get it. I would love to have more males in my life, but I honestly haven't met any guys I really click with."

She covered her mouth, trying to straighten her face, but her cute little laugh broke through anyway.

"Uh oh," I said. "What now?"

"You're a ladies' man, Luca!"

"Why would you say that?"

I knew she was joking, and what she meant, but it still triggered me. If there was one thing I absolutely did not want to be, it was a ladies' man. I always thought of myself as a one-woman man. But here I was, having this awkward conversation after hurting not one but two women. That didn't make me a ladies' man, but I never wanted that kind of complication in my life.

"I'm sorry! I was just kidding, baby. Seriously, I don't mean it."

"I know. Look, I'm really sorry for making you feel insecure. All of this is new to me, and I didn't know what I was doing. But I'm really glad how it all turned out. I'm with you now, and that's all I've ever wanted. Even when I was with her. Are we cool?"

"Of course, babe. This isn't big enough to break us. Just a minor hiccup."

"Okay. I love you, Sophia."

[writers-vlogx]

Yandere rafa headcanons

Okay okay so like I am currently super obsessed with narcos mexico specially with rafa like he's perfect my beautiful boi 😍😍

It doesn't matter where he meet you, it could have been at a party, or at the college when he first arrived in Guadalajara but for whatever reason you catched his eye

Now we all know that as soon as he became interested in you he went right over to were you were standing and started talking

You can immediately tell what's he's trying to get at with the way he's smirking and trying to complement you and pretty much giving you heart eyes

Let's say when he offers you to go out with him to get to know each other you reject his offer

Well unfortunately for you this man does not take no for an answer, you wanna play hard to get? Alright he can play along

When he asks for your name you carelessly give it to him thinking it's nothing out of the ordinary but ohhh you would wrong because he can do a lot with just your name

From that point on you always feel like someone was watching you, like you were never alone and you wouldn't be wrong to think that way, he's been keeping eyes on you ever since that day.

When he gets tired of waiting he straight up just takes you, that's it there is no fighting him.

While you are terrified, not knowing what's going on or what he's planning to do, he tries his best to make you understand that your just so perfect for him why can't you see that yall are meant for each other?

When he finally brings you home hes just so excited to finally have you all to himself away from everyone else, it doesnt matter if his methods are questionable he sees nothing wrong with this.

All he sees is that he finally has you and you finally have him, even if deep down he knows you don't love him, he will make you love him.

Of course he will spoil you and give you anything you want, except freedom of course but apart from that anything you want just say it and it's yours

He could do almost everything for you to open up to him, for you to love him. He wants to feel that love that he's lacked for so long and you are giving it to him

You have all the time in the world to get to love him anyway, so there's no rush, you won't be leaving either way

I think he would get pretty comfortable real quick, cuddling with and kissing you all the time

And if your just so stubborn about hating him them he's going to start to question you

"Porque me odias tanto amor?" Or "What haven't I given you?" and "Yo te puedo proteger mejor que cualquier cabron" he makes you doubt yourself while maintaining a calm aura which makes you start questioning your own sanity

Why do I not like him? Or "it's not so bad here right?" And "But he's always so sweet and patient"

Slowly but surely you start to fall into this delusion that yeah he is perfect Why wouldn't you want him?

After all hasn't he given you everything?

PLEASE SEND ME ANY REQUESTS YOU HAVE FOR MORE RAFA CONTENT I NEED INSPIRATION 🙏🏼 🙏🏼

[invisibleraven]

"You still sleep with a stuffed animal?" Sweet tarts

Carrie let the smile slide from her face as the door to the hotel room closed behind her. Finally alone. She all but ripped the pink wig from her head, tossing it on its stand, and made quick work of getting out of her Pink Candi garb, and washing the make-up off.

Becoming Carrie Wilson once more.

Carrie who wore comfy clothes and wore her honey blonde hair in a messy bun with a clean face. Carrie who ate junk food while watching trashy TV. Carrie who wasn't an international pop sensation with demands for her time and talent.

She knew it had been what she wanted-the fame, the adoration. And she had done it without her father's name or money, even if no one knew who she was. Performing behind a moniker had it's own cost, but it meant she got a private life, and no one accused her of being a nepo baby.

But it was also exhausting, living a double life, on top of being famous and maintaining relationships with people who only knew one side of her. Thus her being glad for a reprieve for tonight-a night in, even if it was in a hotel.

Only her peace was broken by a knock on her door. Carrie scowled, and peered through the peep hole, sighing with relief when it was only Reggie. He was her oldest friend, and technically her assistant, even if he moreso functioned as the one keeping her sanity intact.

"Hey Reggie," she said opening the door. "Please tell me there's nothing going on that requires me leaving this room."

"Just wanted to go over the schedule for tomorrow," he said with an apologetic smile. "But I brought you snacks." He held up a bag full of her favourite bars, chips, and candy, so he was automatically forgiven.

"You may enter," she said, waving him inside and closing the door behind them.

Reggie whistled as he took in the suite. "Nice digs."

Carrie shrugged, each hotel room seemed to blend together this far into the tour. The same stiff mattress, the same smell of industrial detergent, the same luxury chocolates on the pillow. All it really did was made her long for her home back in Malibu.

"And who is this?" Reggie asked, picking up the small bunny that had been nestled amongst her pillows. "You still sleep with a stuffed animal?"

Carrie snatched the bunny back, holding it to her chest. "Shut it."

Reggie stifled a laugh as he sat on her bed. "Carrie, you know I, of all people, am not going to judge you. I wear cartoon jammies and half my boxers still have superheroes on them."

Carrie wrinkled her nose at that, but then laughed. "Fine, this is my bunny that my dad bought me after he adopted me. I've had it all my life. It's a little reminder of home, of who I really am when the whole Pink Candi thing becomes too much."

Reggie sobered at that. "Yeah, I get that. It must be hard to be a secret to everyone."

Carrie sat down next to him, letting her head rest on his shoulder. "Harder than you know."

"Well I know my opinion doesn't mean much, but I always prefer the real you," he whispered, tangling their hands together.

"It means so much," she replied, though it was so quiet and soft Reggie had to strain to hear it.

"How about we forget the schedule and pig out while watching Queer Eye?' he suggested.

"That sounds heavenly," Carrie admitted. "Go get your jammies on, we'll make it a real slumber party."

Reggie gave her a salute and took off, coming back a little later in his Star Wars pyjamas and holding a stuffed Chewbacca doll. "I figured your bunny could do with some company."

"You dork," Carrie said over a stifled giggle.

Reggie grinned. "You love me regardless."

Carrie softened at that. "Yeah, I really do."

Reggie blushed, and then coughed, turning on the television, opening the bag of treats. "Come on, let's get our slumber party on."

Carrie nodded and sat next to him, pulling out a bag of Skittles while Reggie chose the chocolate covered pretzels. Neither said anything as they drifted closer and closer as the snacks dwindled or how they were pretty much in each others arms as their eyes drifted closed.

Carrie just knew when she woke up snuggling Reggie, their stuffed animals sitting on the pillow above their heads that she had never slept better. And when he opened his eyes, a soft smile on his face, she finally saw everything clearly.

And he saw her right back.

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #11: act 6 p2

aranea first appearance!!! shes so beautifullll hi girl

okay so i think i misremembered this specific comversation. in a previous conversation with roxy, roxy accidentally IMPLIED that jane might have feelings for him. but then jake was like yeah i already know that she has a thing for me but then since he knows roxy isnt supposed to talk about it he agrees to drop it. then here he is like hey jane do you like me? be honest. just come out and say it. do you? and she is like clearly not ready to be honest yet so shes like uh no i dont

so then hes like oh you dont well thats crazy i thought you did. but then hes like . are you sure? and she is like... haha i guess not... GAHHH THIS IS SO PAINFUL TO READ. but the problem im finding is that i feel like jake is in the wrong here but like i dont know i might do the same thing. if i suspected someone liked me and then got soft confirmation from their best friend i might also approach the situation by asking for confirmation rather than being like I KNOW YOU LIKE ME. but maybe the real thing i would do is wait for them to tell me... i honestly dont know what the right answer is... like what was his best option here because what he did felt so wrong. and jane. poor jane. she is suffering with the weight of liking this FREAK . its just hard cause i wanted her to be honest but i also get why she wasnt

i dont even want to show this next part but jake after this is telling jane about how he thinks dirk wants to date him (which he does) and jane is just. suffering . but she keeps telling him to like go for it? like why are you sabotaging yourself like this?? i get shes trying to be a good friend but like at what cost girl your sanity?? and how is he this socially unaware when he has proven that he can pick up on the hints that jane liked him even BEFORE roxy accidentally implied it?? but now he cant tell that jane is OBVIOUSLY not happy with the situation. i actually cant tell if hes being a cruel person and deliberately ignoring her feelings or if hes just suddenly unable to pick up on her feelings. i GUESS in his defense there has been this ongoing theme of his friends saying that he has a tendency to believe people at face value and believe IN people. get it. because hope. but that is dumb and in my opinion a weak defense

to be fair. he is glasses

what heaven looks like (without the dead cat)

AHHHHH JUMPSCARE

god damn you. tumut

this is really cool

me every time i get mad and my friends call me delusional

this section of dirk giving jake the Lore is cool. look at alpha dave he is so awesome

holy balls look at rose too

HELL YEAH

Sadge

DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT JANE HAS A THING FOR YOU....... WHAT IS HAPPENING

hee hee look at lil seb

this baller ass panel. hes so cool he has a fucking SWORD

look at him go!!!!

AHHH I LOVE THIS PANEL EVERYONE IS SO SILLY!!!!!!

me when im the dumbest boy in paradox space

wait this makes sense to me. the seer of mind can see brain ghost dirk. that is so cool

I AM CRESTFALLEN. (also jane and roxy just died so that is very sad too. but they have dreamselves.) shit is kind of hitting the fan when all the alpha kids are trying to enter. also calliope just got name and appearance revealed so... hey

this is funny

HUHHHHH

ok so i watched s dirk synhcronize. really good flash! some things i noticed. 1. there is that tumblr post that is like dirk just high fives meenah without even knowing who she is or what a troll is. that is wrong he DOES know what a troll is and had already briefly met her like right before the high five happened . 2 its crazy that he has no fear or hesitation when he puts his own head in the transportalizer. like bro really just was willing to kill himself for his friends. i know that he lives bc of his dreamself but still to have ZERO hesitation shows how much he loves them all. 3 in the beginning of homestuck john needed a sledge hammer to open his cruxtruder and throughout the comic most of the characters have needed to drop something heavy on the lid to pop it open but dirk just fucking kicks it open with little effort . actual baller

based hal

this goofy ass scene look at roxys face its so me

fuuuuuck i just watched caliborn enter... lord english destroyed the dream bubble with the john who died and a couple dead daves... (and a bunch of alternate trolls) man i fucking HATE that guy....

shes real or somefin

dude. not cool

i fuckin love his hashtags

LOOK AT THEM

gender envy

im out of image space but ........ to be continued. this is definitely... like... i feel like after cascade the comic came to an abrupt stop. and it is taking a while for things to get going again. maybe once they arrive at the new session

[altocat]

I think Sephiroth can be described into two halves of a whole man. A whole being.

50%: A broken man, who was manipulated into doing what a corrupted company always wanted him to do, dressed the way they wanted for marketing, looked the way they wanted him to look, and couldn't control his life at all. Looking for a way out of this hell that he was living in. Sadly never escaping

The other 50%: a deranged serial killer, a psychopath. His bloodlusted self wanting to cut loose and hurt and kill, torture for fun, and that is the unfortunate side that truly escaped from him

I think it's pretty complicated.

I definitely believe Jenova had a serious hand in manipulating and worsening Sephiroth's mental state in Nibelheim, but that he also genuinely lost his mind and WANTED to make everyone suffer. He doesn't think he's in the wrong--he believes that he's completely justified in murdering humans, whether it's out of vengeance or birthright or even to fulfill a higher cause.

Before Nibelheim, Sephiroth is a tainted victim. He was groomed into his role at Shinra, but he was still regularly killing people in their name. He might be kind and ultimately a rather secretively damaged individual, but he's still responsible for taking many innocent lives in the Wutai War. He isn't EVIL yet, and he hasn't shown to really take any pleasure from his reputation. If anything, he really seems to dislike his fame and personal glory, not even really knowing WHY he fought. Sephiroth here isn't a good person given his actions, but you could argue that there was the opportunity for him to be one. Under different circumstances, Sephiroth could have been a true hero. He could have been a REAL Chosen One. Shinra ruined him. It isn't his fault in this regard. But he's still doing some really messed up stuff on Shinra's behalf.

At Nibelheim, Sephiroth essentially fully becomes the monster Shinra created, through a mixture of Jenova, his own sanity taking a turn for the worse, and a bunch of miscellaneous worst case scenario factors coming together. I think under different circumstances, maybe Sephiroth would have only directed his rage at Shinra and not the world entire. Maybe he could have even broken free to join Avalanche. But again, there's Jenova and the planets all aligning for the ultimate deadly combination. Sephiroth had the agency to lash out and he took it. He might be severely mentally unwell, but his actions are still unforgivable.

So yeah. He's a mess. He's both a victim and a monster. He probably could have been saved with the right scenario or support. But he was also a ticking time bomb. Unfortunately, we'll never know. And while my heart weeps for the kinder, tragic Sephiroth that once was, the Sephiroth that deserved better, I readily acknowledge that he's probably too far gone now to be saved. Shinra failed him. His friends failed him. Jenova made shit worse. And Sephiroth also failed himself. He's broken beyond repair.

[couldbebetterforsure]

I know Engage is almost upon us but thanks to you being gone for so long we never got to hear your thoughts on 3H! So……….character rankings👀👀👀👀👀👀 thoughts on the game itself👀👀👀👀👀

My dear Anon, I'm so sorry I took so long to answer this ask, especially since Engage is released now! But yeah, it's a shame I never did get a chance to state my thoughts on 3H so I might as well get into here! Better late than never, right? Also, I'm actually kinda glad I'm only getting to it now, since I feel like I've had a good amount of time to really get my thoughts together. Certain opinions I have are pretty different compared to what I would've said had you asked me my thoughts a few weeks after release or even within the first year I was part of the fandom! Also, for the sake of trying not to let this post show up in certain character tags, I’m gonna try to avoid name dropping characters.

Overall Thoughts

Despite all the discourse and nonsense of the past few years, I really did enjoy my time in Fodlan! I got the game on day one and I’ve logged several hundred hours into it! I have two completed save files for each of the four routes, one no recruit run and one recruit everyone run. I recently started up a meme run for the Blue Lions where I’m gonna have everyone specialize in weaknesses only/whatever their stats mesh the worst with. For my own sanity I’m just gonna stick with the Lions and the Church folk only for this run or I’ll drive myself nuts trying to work on this with everybody! But maybe I’ll do separate meme runs for the other routes in the future? Anyways, back to the point. I think the story was overall enjoyable but I felt like there was too much left unsaid or left “up to interpretation” instead of stated outright, which ended up fueling a fair amount of discourse to this very day. And that did sour my overall experience. But I enjoyed a fair number of the characters. Though I think I’ve made it clear by now I’m a Blue Lions fan so they’re my babies! Hopes was similar in that I had a fun time and, this is coming from someone who DOES like our dear mercenary friend Billy, I think I enjoyed how our Hopes mercenary friend was handled better (at least character wise, plot wise it could’ve been better). I don’t know, I just don’t think Billy was used well as a “silent protagonist”, and personally I don’t think silent protagonists work well in Fire Emblem games. My only big issue with Hopes is the weird choices they made when it comes to portraying certain characters or how far they wanted to go just to make certain other characters look good or innocent or whatever.

Gameplay Thoughts

I’m a character girl first so gameplay isn’t really what I care much about but I do still have some thoughts. I really like that you can make any unit into almost any class! Sucks they still have some gender locked classes though, but it’s super fun to try out new things. And, like I brought up earlier, it makes for some great meme/challenge runs! I have mixed feelings on the exploring the monastery section in that it felt like too much and too little at once. Too much in that there’s a ton of space to explore but too little in that I feel like much of that space doesn’t really get used so I just feel like I’m walking around for no real reason. And in my no recruit runs I really got hit post timeskip with how EMPTY it was. I also felt like the calendar mechanic seemed kinda...pointless? Well, I guess more that it didn’t seem to work well. Gambits and battling the monsters was fun enough. For Hopes specifically, it was my first dip into a Warriors style game since the other FEW game didn’t get my attention, and I really had a ton of fun with it! It’s fun trying out everyone’s different fighting styles and getting used to them. Plus there’s something weirdly relaxing about just running around kicking the asses of crowds of mooks. Though I felt like support grinding was even more tedious in Hopes than in 3H...

Route Related Thoughts

I felt that AM and AG were the strongest written routes of 3H and Hopes respectively. While I do have certain issues with both (particularly a certain endgame decision in the AG route), I think focusing on the characters most and making the lore take a backseat made everything far more powerful and enjoyable. These routes take the most after classic Fire Emblem stories but I don’t see it as a bad thing at all! I liked that each of the Lions were interesting takes on classic Fire Emblem tropes. The growth of our complex and sympathetic leader, the interesting deconstruction and reconstruction of classic Fire Emblem stories and characters, and possibly the best use of Billy in the story really made AM work well! As for AG, it’s much of the same, but with the added bonus of having the other Lions taking more active roles in the plot. Plus I really enjoyed the chemistry between a certain Savior King and purple haired mercenary, which much like with Billy, really worked well with the story by making me connect with the bond between characters first.

VW is a route I consider kinda okay. As someone who usually enjoys lore stuff, I just found this route boring. It didn’t help that I felt a lot of the story beats seemed tacked on. Especially the end boss. Honestly the only saving grace for this route for me was that I found the Deer as characters, especially their charismatic leader, to be really likable! On the other hand we have GW. I’ve seen numerous people put their thoughts in on why this route fails and personally that is my own opinion too. It has a pretty interesting start but then decides to take both the story and the characters in such bizarre and frankly just plain stupid directions that I couldn’t wait to finish the route out of pure frustration. It also turned the main lord from someone who I really liked in 3H to someone who I couldn’t STAND in Hopes. It’s a miracle it didn’t permanently negatively impact my view of the guy.

CF was....well I’ll definitely try to limit my thoughts here for my own sake. But basically I found I enjoyed it most when I decided to turn my brain off and just entertained myself with all the different angst options it offers. But yeah, it’s a route where sometimes I just didn’t know what sort of tone they wanted to go for or how they wanted me to take certain moments. It didn’t help that sometimes the mood would change so suddenly I was left just being like “huh????” CF came across as a route where there were several ideas that could’ve been interesting or certain plot points that you’d think would be tackled as it’d make the most sense right? But those moments are either not used to their full potential or passed over with no rhyme or reason. The less I say about the route’s center of controversy leader, the better but I originally found her enjoyable in theory rather in practice as a result of said missed potential, but nowadays I can’t stand her much. But that’s mostly thanks to a very frustrating (to put it politely) portion of her fanbase. SB was pretty much more of the same so my thoughts on CF apply here too. One thing I will say is that the finale made me actually laugh out loud. If someone had told me how SB route ended before I played it myself, I’d take it for a silly meme you’d usually find in fandoms. But nope, that’s actually how the writers chose to have it end...Incredible...

I can’t believe I almost forgot SS....But that basically is the issue isn’t it. I think SS as a route suffers from not having a certain Archbishop take the lord role over. And it doesn’t help that it and VW share the majority of story beats. I heard some mention the SS’s final boss and VW’s should be swapped and personally? With a few other story changes I agree that it’s probably work much better that way! Sorry this paragraph is so short compared to what I said for the other routes but I don’t really have many thoughts on SS compared to the others. I think it does it’s job fine enough and, while I don’t care for how it did it’s final boss, I at least enjoyed it better than VW’s.

Character Ranking

I found a tier list that included 3H and Hopes characters so I didn't have to make two separate ones, so here's my character rankings! I feel like they're basically self explanatory but if you have any questions about any of my rankings, just ask and I'll be happy to explain! Also you'll notice a couple of characters I used both the 3H and the Hopes version of in the list. That was only for major characters for who my opinion was DRASTICALLY different for one game versus the other. Otherwise these rankings match my opinion of the character as a result of both games (but primarily 3H to be honest)!

[odetoanambivertedsoul]

"Your gift...is not to be shared with everyone."

I didn't get The Talk until I was in high school and it was brought up in such a lack lustre fashion if I did have real questions I was far too coy and shy to ask them. My grandfather thought it would be a good opportunity to talk about it while I sat on the porch with him and my father. "Sex!" he exclaimed "It feels good" and like a parrot, my father chirped "YEAH!" I though to myself "Oh God!" I proceeded to say out loud "I really don't wanna talk about this right now" and got up. My grandfather replied, "Sit down." Again my father chirped "Yeah!" The rest of that conversation I've blocked out for my own sanity. But because of this interaction and many others after that as well as being raised as a Christian, I was deathly afraid to have sex. My grandmother took every opportunity (even when it wasn't pertinent) to tell me how much sex would ruin my life. " You can't trust men. They make babies with you and get lost." Which was an interesting thing for her to say as that was far from her own personal experience.

Well, I lasted till my freshman year of college. I met a guy named Larry and he was also a virgin. We had a short conversation about it along with my roommate Britany. Britany had a boyfriend back home and was far more versed in things of that nature than I was. Larry had expressed how he was more than happy to lose his virginity. I still having my Christian values exclaimed that I would be waiting for marriage. A little voice in my head told me I should be on the lookout for Larry.

Larry intrigued me. He was the silent mysterious type (or so I thought) Over time we would start hanging out more. Eventually, Britany would drop out due to personal reasons and my dorm was empty with just me. The day she moved out he came over. He said " We are gonna start locking the door now." I mulled over that statement and could not for the life of me figure out why we were locking doors. In a sense, my naivete was cute but got me screwed over as well. Larry and I had our first kiss in front of Britany simply because I felt that I was more attractive and hated the fact he gave her attention. They had a lot of things in common and that vexed me so I made the plan to seduce him and this is what it got me...locked doors.

After my roommate moved out I would soon find out what locked doors meant. He came over and we started to make out then after that his hands would go farther down and I'd stop and look at him like "What are you doing?" then we would go back to what we were doing before. Each base was like that, it would happen, I'd question him and he'd respect me enough to stop only to try it when I was more comfortable in other sessions.

Finally, the day came when I said f**k it and would let him go all the way. It gave me solace that he also was a virgin and I didn't feel like if it went there something would be taken from me and it would be so one-sided that I felt I was missing something. Well while in the act I thought to myself " So this is what everyone has been raving about?" No one tells you your first time is not a guaranteed orgasm. It also didn't help that he wasn't well endowed. Not to say I wasn't satisfied though.

Larry would be the guy I'd always come back to. Like coming back home once you went off and spent all your money. But he also knew how to piss me off and make me cry. Larry was the only guy I couldn't see myself dating because of this reason. Although I always had the vision of whoever I finally got intimate with would be the only person. We would get married and tell our children how we only had been with each other and it would have been special.

On my twenty-sixth birthday, Larry came to North Carolina to help me celebrate. I had gone through a lot. The pandemic kicked my ass as well as my two year abusive relationship. I was also getting booted out of my condo and he helped me move. For the first time, I had seen him in a different light as someone who could have really been there for me. He said to me " Well, sometime in the future I'd love to see us together." That made me happy to think someone finally wanted me. After his visit, his calls dwindled. I thought someone who wanted to be with me would at least put in more effort. Sadly, I don't talk to Larry anymore. I found out he blocked me. But in a conversation before that, he expressed how it was hard for him to continue to be my friend but not with me. I gave him every opportunity to do so and he fumbled it so hard.

[dancer-subclarington]

Lonely || Texts || Group || Out of Rp

About: Kyla gets depressed and considers whether being in Ohio is worth it

Kyla: Hey so

Kyla: Can I leave now?

Sarah: No.

Kyla: You’re still no fun.

Sarah: You want to be with your family.

Kyla: My family in particular is overrated

Briar: Not your brothers. They’re at least hot.

Kyla: Everyone in my family is attractive- that’s just bare minimum

Addison: Well they’re also not dicks

Kyla: That’s not a nice word

Addison: Yes, that was my intention.

Brynn: Your brothers are good people. You should stay with them.

Kyla: I’m bored out of my mind here. And my brothers all have their own people here. I do not; and it’s totally boring here.

Sasha: Im sure there’s stuff to do.

Kyla: There’s no theater here; not one! And no dance studio, I haven’t seen a musical or taken a real dance class since London! Also no pageants. No competitions at all okay its criminal!

Sasha: You’ll live.

Kyla: Yeah but its lonely

Rhea: You haven’t found friends?

Kyla: I am not popular here and its seriously messing with my entire existence. Did I make the thing about no competitions clear enough? Cuz Im really over here with no medals or trophies or crowns or any other shiny things.

Addison: You won a competition last week.

Kyla: It was virtual!

Addison: But you got a trophy.

Kyla: It went to my parents house. I have too many in my dorm.

Sarah: Speaking of dorm, don’t you have a roommate to be friends with?

Kyla: I don’t have a roommate. Decorating and redecorating my room is my last thread of sanity. Im really so bored and so lonely and just sad.

Briar: Then leave.

Sarah: She told us not to let her do that.

Kyla: Before I knew just how boring Ohio is. You don’t get how bored I am. I dyed my hair!

Sasha: So?

Kyla: So I’ve had many a crisis and low moments in my life and never have I resorted to dying my hair. A year here and my hair is pink.

Briar: Oh no, you did something fun!

Kyla: Yes, one thing! I dyed my hair and saw the Barbie movie and that’s literally it.

Briar: You just went to Iceland

Kyla: And am re-bored already! Not to mention the fact that Sutton has to constantly turn down jobs for me because none of them are in Ohio. And my mom is pressing me to move and has plenty of good reasons to do it.

Sarah: But your family is more important than your career.

Kyla: Ugh

Addison: And there’s your crush.

Rhea: You didn’t tell me about a crush.

Kyla: I don’t crush!

Sarah: Yeah ok

Kyla: She’s not my crush she’s just someone I like and respect and who is accepting and warm and can cook and is great in bed.

Sarah: Thanks for clarifying.

Briar: Sounds like you have plenty to do.

Kyla: There’s more to life than sex and dance.

Briar: Sounds fake, Ky.

Kyla: Ugh. Im just gonna go find something to smoke

Rhea: Nope

Kyla: Why not

Rhea: Illegal

Kyla: It’s legal here

Rhea: For medicinal purposes.

Kyla: Well then I’m clinically bored.

Rhea: Ky.

Kyla: Archer has Sky and JB and anyone else he wants. Hunter has Sam and Owen and Delilah. Gunner has Alex and Beau. And you know none of those names but the point is they all have people. I have no names. It’s Kyla & nobody.

[mx-kay]

Omg sorry I’m gonna go on a tangent but THE 4TH ONE???? I love that! I’m just imagining the whole scene in Eddie’s trailer but instead he’s just watching her shrink and then just vanish and he’s not quite as traumatized but he’s still definitely running the hell out of there. Things still basically happen the same except Chrissy is consider a missing person instead of dead. When the group show up at Skull Rock and show Eddie what happened to Chrissy he kind of breaks down for a moment because he thought she died. He asks if he can hold her just to make sure she’s real and he’s not just seeing stuff and they both stay with each other up until the boat scene. I imagine Chrissy feels safest with him since he’s really the only one she knows to some extent. She would probably know Steve and Nancy by name but she’s actually spent time with Eddie.

I also have a very vivid image of the long cat meme but it’s just someone holding Max and she’s not happy about it. But yeah, after the whole grave scene, I feel she would stay with either Lucas or Steve at all times. She would want to walk and do things on her own, she’s independent like that, but was shrunk just enough to need help doing certain things and will sometimes get snatched up when they need to run. She and Chrissy end up left in the forest when the cops show up during the boat scene but they still have a walkie and are picked up by the group before heading to Eddie’s house. The second time she’s put under the curse it just ends with her fully shrunk. She doesn’t end up in the vent and Lucas is able to grab her and get out of the house.

Nancy’s part in things would be a littler tricky at her new size but I feel like she’d still somehow pull it off? She’s too stubborn to back down and even though the kickback from the shotgun will probably injure her she does it anyways. Mike more than likely pokes fun at her for her new size once he gets back with the Cali group but everyone quickly shuts him up.

Just for my own sanity Eddie simply ends up shrunk as well at the end of the battle. I would say it has something to do with the demobat venom but that would also affect Steve. Maybe there needs to be a certain amount given to cause an effect? In any case, Eddie’s a bit banged up but fine!

There’s so many possibilities with this, this is such a cool idea!

stranger things g/t

honestly i’ve written a lot and read a lot so i’m gonna try to share my headcannons that others haven’t already written or shared

1: emotional sizeshifter!steve, but like it’s really dangerous. like he grows really quickly or shrinks quickly, therefore he can very quickly kill or injure someone by mistake or get injured himself. he hates it a lot, having almost hurt/actually hurt his friends or the kids before. (i love using this au like the way he revealed he was a sizeshifter to most of the group accidentally was in season 3 during the mall fight, the mind flayer grabbed nancy or someone and he just forgot everything and acted strictly on his instincts)

after he accidentally broke dustins arm against a door he didn’t talk to anyone for like, a week, just sitting in his room in absolute shame :(

2: tiny!robin. she originally was human sized, but with all the stuff in season 3 with the russians things went south. i know that the green stuff in the containers was pretty much acid but let’s pretend it was a shrinking potion. anyway it somehow gets on her, like when the elevator is falling hits the ground/wall near her and shatters, alot of possibilities. everyone’s scared bc she’s small and super fragile and was their teams main helper

3: borrower!max. i can’t help but love this trope bc she has a lot of trauma, so if she was discovered by a human, she would just be like, nonchalant about it, maybe even grateful if the human was nice to be away from her brother. who could possibly be a human in this and tormented her every chance he got. she wouldn’t be up for people carrying her at first bc of the bad experiences with billy but eventually was just like “okay i’m too lazy to walk rn”

4: i’ve been thinking about this for awhile. so basically every time vecna curses someone, instead of dying, they shrink. we could add onto that by saying, what if they’re transported to the vent with the spiders in it in the jars in place of the spiders. like henry would shrink animals and put them there, then go up there and experiment on them, since they can’t run away now that they’re eso small, and he would do that with the humans. instead of killing them he would let them die on their own. which would be even more fun because steve could find the vent with the spiders in it, lift up a jar, and find a very tiny and very terrified chrissy, who was on the verge of death. if in a situation like max or nancy, where they survived, that would be different, like either they wouldn’t shrink, they would, or they would only shrink like halfway.

5: for any byler fans seeing this, g!mike and t!will. will is a borrower and was discovered by mike, and they quickly became friends. after that will is sent to the upside down and mike finds el, and it’s a lot more dangerous for will. joyce is also a borrower bc i love that but she still goes to extreme lengths to protect her children.

ask questions pls, i can draw and write kind of good. if asks are off i’ll try to figure out how to turn them on

no nsfw or vore pls i really don’t like that stuff, i’m a minor and only like sfw stuff. i am a sucker for angst though, but i also like fluff. no. smut.

[nowoyas]

Edible Arrangements: Twenty-Fourth Bite: The Halloween Episode

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: Happy Halloween!

I'mma be real, a decent part of this chapter is me, the author, being in love with steak. It matters for the, uh, plot. Yeah.

Chapter Summary: You force yourself through the rest of your meeting with Neito and lay out ground rules. After that, a dinner date for the best Halloween of your life.

Warnings: food/eating mentions, mentions of murder/death, abuse mentions, shitty cheating exes

Word Count: ~4200 words

It's an awkward while with Neito after that. You spend the time glancing at your phone, where Mina and Tsuyu (and more rarely, Tenya, Hitoshi, and Izuku) have been making sure to check in with you constantly to ensure you're safe and mentally okay. Honestly, you're questioning the latter, given how much of the conversation is you giving advice to the exact guy who tried to kill one of your best friends like, last week, but, you know, sometimes that's just what life is like.

It's after some time—maybe half an hour, though you're not paying dire attention to the time passing, more concerned about the vampire-hunter-turned-vampire beside you—that you manage to work up to the main point of this whole conversation. "So, here's the thing. You missed sign ups for the semester project in Dr. Aizawa's class."

He's baffled, finally taking his hands out of his hair to look at you in confusion. "Huh? What's that got to do with… I don't know, anything?"

"You were out, recovering from being turned."

He looks at you dumbly, eyes still red from his earlier crying. "…yeah?"

"I also missed it while I was out, recovering from being assaulted."

His face goes pale as the dots finally connect. "Oh. Right."

"Yeah, get the problem now?"

Neito nods, lips pressed into a thin line. "I understand if you'd rather not work with me."

"Well, I mean, the entire point of this whole thing was to figure out whether I was willing to work with you. So here's the rules. We meet in public spaces only. I bring a friend along to all meetings. You can bring along one, but not uh… what was her name? The thorn girl whose quirk practically shredded my skin?"

"Ibara," he answers.

"Anyone but Ibara. I don't trust her."

"She's… changed," Neito says weakly. "Been enthralled."

Your phone nearly slips from your grasp. You save it, barely, by a quick adjustment of your hand. It would be best that Neito doesn’t know how much you already know about the situation, so you put yourself to acting cool about it. "By who?"

He shrugs. "I've no clue. She thinks vampires are… just like everyone else, now. That it's not her place to decide who lives and dies."

"Uh…" You tilt your head. "How is that any different from just being a better person?"

"What makes you think you get to decide what makes someone a better or worse person?"

You pinch the bridge of your nose. "Look, I'm not fucking debating you on whether attempting murder makes you a bad person or not. I'm just… not doing that."

He chuckles dryly. "You know I don't believe half the shit I debate in class, right?"

"Well, you could've fooled me."

Neito rolls his eyes. As if he has the right. "Do go on."

"Any friend but Ibara. I don't care that she's been enthralled, I only trust you on an individual level. Your other friend, the redhead, she's fine."

"You mean Itsuka."

"Yeah. I'll have my own backup. We'll meet exclusively in public spaces, and don't you dare be late to group meetings. Give me your number so we can plan meeting times."

Reluctantly, he takes your passed-over phone and enters in a new contact. You text him to get him your own number, and, satisfied, nod. "We can organize more at a later date. Also, I get the final say on the topic for the project."

"You're asking a lot. I take it you usually like to be in charge?"

You shoot him a glare. "It's for my safety and sanity. Consider this part of your redemption arc from trying to kill me and my friend."

"I didn't try to kill you."

"Well, that little fact's not gonna unfuck my arm, so tough shit."

He sighs. "Alright. We can sort out meeting times and topic later."

"Send me your topic ideas later on today. I'll be busy, so no rush."

There's a rustle coming from the path into the clearing. Your eyes dart to it, finding a shock of red hair. "That being said, I'd better go. As healthy as sitting here comforting and giving advice to the guy who assaulted me is, I actually have a date to get to, so now that all that's sorted, I'm gonna leave you to your friend here."

You suppose she… Itsuka, you mean, came looking for Neito. Either way, you're quick to attempt your escape, although…

Your neck itches.

You stop and make eye contact with her, raising an eyebrow. "You too?"

"Huh?"

"No, nevermind." You shake your head, slipping your bag over your shoulder and brushing past her. As you walk away and begin to make your way to where your car's parked, you hear her ask Neito: "what was that all about?"

Whatever he answers is beyond you now. You unlock your phone and call Izuku.

~

It's a quick and easy drive back home, and then an arduous, arduous hour obsessing over your appearance. You're a little glad for the distraction—with so much energy being expended on making sure you look immaculate and the outfit you bought with Izuku over the weekend is being worn just right, you don't have to think too hard about the situation with Neito, your upcoming presentation with Hitoshi, or the semester project you need to bang out before November ends. Not to mention exams, or extra assignments, or keeping up with readings for class, or or or—

Inhale. Exhale. Fix your hair.

All of that can wait.

The steak, and Izuku, come first.

There's no sense ruining a good night when you've got a perfectly good bottle to seal your emotions in for now.

Once you're all dolled up, and there's nothing more you can do to aid your appearance, only hurt it with too many layers or too many reworks, you slip out of your room and stride down the steps, feeling a little uneasy in the fancy clothes you've donned.

Izuku has his back to you, eyes fixed firmly out the window. His hair is as unruly as ever, although you can tell he at least tried to tame it, and he's in a fitted, black suit, from what you can tell.

"Looking sharp," you comment with a small smile on your lips, hoping the heat in your cheeks doesn't come across as obvious at the sight of him.

He turns to face you now, and as good as he looks, you can help but let out a stifled giggle at the sight of him. The poor guy has apparently never tied a tie in his life. He looks you over, speechless, as you close the distance and instantly begin to fuss with his tie.

"Almost sharp," you correct, a gentle chiding in your tone as you grin. When his tie is at least in an acceptable state, you meet his eyes, hands still on the strip of fabric. "There you go, now you're ready to eat some world-class steak!"

"You look gorgeous," he replies softly.

He isn't glowing.

Mentally, you reboot.

"I, uh, thank you!" you squeak. "You look gorgeous too."

The sweetest smile rests on his lips as you nervously smooth his tie down one last time. You're sure you're both equally flustered right now, the experience of seeing each other so dressed up bringing heat to both your cheeks.

You shift awkwardly, rocking on your heels as you think of a wait out of feeling so damn awkward. "Well," you clear your throat, "are you ready to go?"

He nods, swallowing thickly. "Yeah, uh, let me make sure I have my wallet, and all that…"

"It's on the end table."

"Right! Yeah!" Izuku laughs, a nervous bark that leaves him vibrating in place. "Haha, yeah, let's… let's head out."

You giggle, following him out and checking the door on your way.

The car ride starts off tense, but as you gently hum to the music of the radio, you feel your shoulders begin to drop. The sun's beginning to set, Halloween is starting properly, and the city lights are beginning to flick on, one by one. With them, a little lightbulb of an idea turns on in your head.

"Hey, after dinner, how do you feel about movies? I know you said you don't like to watch 'em, but if you did, we could maybe watch something together? Some Halloween movie! I'll even let you pick which one!"

He has a soft smile on his lips, though there's a little tension in his eyes as he drives. "Well, I… I can try! It's been a while, and I'd love to watch something with you."

"Great! We can pick the movie later. And remember, if you're uncomfortable at any time, please say so. I don't wanna push you into something you're not ready for."

His smile relaxes a little, less strained. "Right. Thank you."

"Otherwise, I'll ask you, and then you get to either lie to me and get found out, or tell me the truth and get found out."

After that, conversation comes easy, and the silence is peace, rather than awkwardness.

Alexander's is stifling even from the parking lot. You're surprised it has a parking lot, all things considered. Still, you get out of the car and enter with Izuku to an overly refined atmosphere and a quiet, near-empty restaurant. And as Izuku tells the hostess about your reservation, it hits you—there's steak here. Not just any steak, but world-class, bucket list-level steak. And you're going to eat it.

You're ushered to a nice, private table in one of the back sections. Izuku's shaking hand comes to rest around your waist, and you try not to acknowledge the way the hostess looks over your heavily bandaged arm in distaste.

You sit across from Izuku, carefully masking your excitement.

"I know it's no Brazilian steakhouse," Izuku says nervously, "but I hope you'll like the food."

You nod with a grin. "It's Alexander's, 'Zuku. They have the specific variety of steak that I literally have on my list of things to eat before I die. You're fulfilling one of my life goals today."

He chuckles, picking up a menu. "If you say so."

You grab your own menu, looking over with interest.

Once you've made your decision, you try your best to glance around without looking horrifically obvious or out of place. The tables are, of course, the highest class—some sturdy polished wood, finely carved, and with all details hidden by a pure tablecloth without even the slightest blemish anywhere. A gentle mood lighting, music wafting through the room…

You feel a stark contrast to the room, and yet you and Izuku are alone, so you smile and make conversation.

At least, until your waiter comes. "Good evening. How may I—"

Your eyes meet dark ones. The menu slips out of your fingers and onto the table, and the color drains starkly from your face. Oh, he recognizes you. Oh, tonight is gonna suck.

Your ex stands before you in full uniform, notepad and pen at the ready as Yo stands before you with wide eyes.

You think you might hate Halloween.

~

You and Izuku place the orders you want. Your heart is racing in a way that makes you feel almost motion-sick, mind utterly done with this situation. You can't feel anything towards this man, your waiter, aside from sheer exasperation. If only he would leave you two alone to talk, or maybe he'd get the idea that this is awkward because of him and swap sections with a coworker…

You shift nervously in your seat, fiddling with the bandages that still decorate your arm.

"[name]? Is everything alright?" Izuku asks, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You yelp, turning your attention to your date… to him, you mean. You're sure this isn't intended to be a proper date. "Y-yeah! I'm alright; sorry for spacing."

He looks you over with a sympathetic smile. "To be honest, places like this make me nervous, too. I always tried to get used to it because Da—because Toshinori said expensive places like this were where he was kind of expected to eat, money and all, but I don't think even he was used to it." His sympathy ebbs away, replaced with something in his smile more nostalgic. Izuku lets out a chuckle, eyes far away. "Y'know, he had a much thinner, smaller form when he wasn't using his quirk, so he used to sneak out with me to go get McDonald's late at night while not using his quirk so we wouldn't be caught by paparazzi."

You giggle, pausing to take a sip of your drink. "That sounds like so much fun. My parents would never have let me do anything like that, let alone have done it with me."

His eyes spark with interest at the mention of your parents. "You don't really talk about your parents much. Did they use to be pretty strict?"

You nod, feeling the awkwardness and the exasperation of seeing your ex slip away as you prepare your answer. The moment the words touch your lips, though…

"Complimentary bread. Please enjoy," he says, placing a basket between the two of you. Yo meets your eyes directly, as if to challenge you, and every bit of exasperation comes flooding back. Honestly, if you'd already gotten your steak and couldn't miss out on it from acting up, you've half a mind to just… punch the smarmy look off his face.

Still, you can't turn down good bread, so you bid him a begrudging 'thank you' and reach for a slice from the basket.

"Is there anything I can do to better serve the two of you tonight?" he asks. He knows damn well what he's doing.

You wave your hand politely, forcing a smile onto your lips. "No, no, that's quite alright, thank you. We're enjoying the quiet ambiance of the restaurant."

"Well, your meals will be ready soon. Thank you both for waiting patiently."

"Of course!" You tilt your head, finding it hard to keep up the smile. Yo looks you over; you're sure that he's intentionally waiting around just long enough to make things awkward before he turns and brushes away, leaving his back towards you.

Izuku's eyes dart between Yo's back and your face as you heave a sigh. "…do you two know each other?"

"It's nothing important," you lie. "He's probably just bored, since there's almost no customers around tonight."

He nods, frowning. "Right… So, um, what were we talking about?"

"Parents," you answer quickly. "You asked about mine, since I never really talk about them. The truth is… Well…" Your eyes dart down to the basket of bread. Instinctively, you reach for another slice. "They're strict, yeah. Hyper strict. Like, "required approval of each of my friends before I could keep talking to them" strict. I used to have to sneak around to talk with Mina, and she had to get really good at acting so that when they did meet her, they wouldn't find any flaws in her to pick out as reasons why I couldn't be around her." You frown, gripping the bread in your hand tightly. "Of course, that wasn't enough, so long as she had a visible quirk."

"I see… So they tried to ban you from talking to Mina?"

You nod. "They have a whole laundry list of what makes a person "acceptable". The person must have a quirk, but it can't be one that's potentially harmful or that changes someone's appearance in any way that they consider too "drastic". So, acid production, black eyes, pink skin, and horns? It didn't matter how perfect Mina seemed as a person. They didn't like her quirk, so I had to start sneaking around."

"Really?" He has a sad look about him. "That sounds awful. So, you don't talk to them anymore?"

You shake your head. "I moved out before I even graduated high school. Couldn't take it anymore, and then I…" You furrow your brow. Try as you might, you don't remember how you ended up leaving home, or even where you went at the time. "I got emancipated, which was a whole thing, but… I don't remember… How…"

He tilts his head. "You don't remember?"

Frustrated, you grab for yet another slice of bread. "I'm sure it wasn't important. Just know that I left home when I was 17, and that thanks to all that, we aren't exactly on speaking terms anymore."

"I see… This isn't something I really want to press on right now, but are you sure it's just something you can't remember because it wasn't important?"

"What do you mean?"

"We know you're enthralled. And we don't know exactly what it did. Is it possible that your memory of that time has been erased?"

"I… I guess, I dunno." A twinge of pain spikes through your head, the beginnings of a headache. "Yeah, uh, can we not talk about this right now? It's not important."

"Right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you with it."

"It's okay, just… I dunno, this whole thing just slips off my brain anyway, and it's starting to make my head hurt."

He furrows his brow, a frown etched on his lips. "I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean to hurt you. How about you take a minute to breathe and let the headache pass while I run to the restroom?"

You nod, waving him off. He makes his retreat, and you move to pull out your phone, taking slow, measured breaths as you check your messages.

Alien Queen to Real Housewives of Ossenfelder at 6:46PM

Alien Queen: [name] my LOVE

Alien Queen: how's the totally Not a Date going?

Little Mx. Polygraph: code black

Frog King: oh shit

Frog King: who?

Little Mx. Polygraph: yo is our waiter

Alien Queen: oh hell no

Alien Queen: give me ten minutes and I'll make him disappear

You suppress a giggle at the message.

Little Mx. Polygraph: I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather not

Little Mx. Polygraph: he's just a waiter, and I haven't mentioned it to Izuku yet

Little Mx. Polygraph: he definitely recognizes me and is acting a bit weird, but how much can one waiter hang around during a meal?

Frog King: That depends.

Frog King: is it a busy night for Alexander's?

Little Mx. Polygraph: kinda empty tbh

Little Mx. Polygraph: I guess no one wants high-class dining on Halloween

Alien Queen: well shit

Alien Queen: he's probably got ample opportunity to date-crash then

Alien Queen: alright, planning time

Frog King: why not tell Izuku about him?

Little Mx. Polygraph: I… I dunno, it feels like…

Little Mx. Polygraph: you know

Alien Queen: you're worried because anyone with eyes could put two and two together with them in the same room?

Little Mx. Polygraph: maybe!

Little Mx. Polygraph: it's embarrassing to admit

Little Mx. Polygraph: like yo is Izuku's asshole twin or something

Little Mx. Polygraph: ugh

Little Mx. Polygraph: speaking of which, gotta go

Little Mx. Polygraph: talk soon

Now again comes your waiter, man of the hour, smiling as he refills your drinks. Seeing Izuku gone, he looks to you. "Didn't expect to see you here, [name]," he says. "Let alone on our slowest day of the year."

You sigh. "Please, Yo. I already have a headache."

"I mean, you've missed me, right?" he asks sweetly. You wonder how you ever thought he was a genuine person—in hindsight, the way he speaks to you is just so…

Fake.

"After all, you went and found a guy who looks pretty similar to me. It's a little uncanny, honestly."

"It's none of your damn business. I'm really not up for causing a scene, so please just… do your job and leave me alone. We don't know each other, we've never met, we have no history. You're a waiter and I'm a paying customer, and that's it."

Izuku slides into his seat effortlessly, a glare fixed on Yo. "Is everything alright, [name]?"

"Yeah. Nothing to worry about, okay 'Zuku?"

"…okay…"

It's clear he doesn't believe you, but he has the mercy to wait until Yo leaves before he asks. "That waiter…?"

You drop your head into your hands. "My ex."

Izuku looks surprised for a moment, eyes flicking between you and the spot Yo had been standing in. "Oh. Your ex."

"Yeah. He was petty and awful and cheated on me and to this day I don't know how he got around my quirk for so long."

His eyes light up in interest, chin coming to rest in his palm. "He actually managed to get around it? While lying to your face?"

You nod. "It was the weirdest thing. Sometimes I thought he might have been lying to me, but he just… didn't glow. He slipped up once and Tenya saw him and told me and it all just came crashing down." Man, this is the worst date conversation topic. Right up there with the stabbing or your shitty parents or the (pseudo?) quirk's hold over your ability to remember things. "I think he must have taken my quirk as some kind of challenge. If you can lie to the lie detector and get away with it, you can do anything."

"I see… That must have been awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

You pause, take a long sip of your drink. "I mean, it's okay. It sucked, yeah, it sucked a lot, but… I've had worse, you know? And as much as it hurt, it was an important lesson. I'd gone my whole life thinking it was impossible to lie to me. He taught me that it wasn't."

"Still… Will you be okay? Do you want me to ask that we get a different waiter?"

You shake your head. "That won't be necessary. So long as he behaves." You set your cup down, maybe a little too hard. "I'm sorry about all this. Tonight's supposed to be nice, and it feels like we're just focusing on all my past problems and shit. It's not like you're my therapist."

"Oh! Speaking of which…"

You tilt your head to the side. Did he go looking for a therapist for you that was on his insurance? Does he even need insurance? "What's up? Oh, wait, before you go any further—hold this."

You hold your closed fist out over the table. Curious, he reaches his hand out for you to drop "this" into. As nervous as you are, you slip your hand into his and let it rest on the table.

His reaction is so worth it. The poor man goes red, the flush burning up his ears and down his neck. "I—guh—um—"

You smile and squeeze his hand gently, tilting your head sweetly. With a quick motion, you subtly gesture towards the other side of the room, where Yo is sweeping in with your plates of food. "Just go with it," you whisper.

He nods dumbly, babbling something you don't catch and slipping into a cute smile. "I—I was thinking about getting a—"

"Got your food here," Yo says. He's got to be interrupting deliberately at this point, but you make a show of letting go of Izuku's hand and looking shocked at him anyways. "For the lovely lady, our dry-aged ribeye from Sanuki, Japan, served with a chanterelle sauce and a side of Australian truffle mashed potatoes. And for you, sir, the Chilean sea bass. Please enjoy."

As he speaks, he sets out the plates in front of you, and you have to suppress the urge to cry at the sight. The perfect, beautiful, wonderful slab of meat, still slightly hot, wafting up at you…

You ignore Yo as he leaves. Your brain slips away from conversation as you slowly, carefully cut into the meat. Your knife glides through it like butter, and you begin to choke up at the perfectly cooked cross-section.

When the meat enters your mouth, it's a transcendent experience. You've forgone the sauce on the side, merely tasting the steak as it melts on your tongue and sends your body melting with it.

The world stops. For the longest moment, it's you, and the sensation of the perfect steak in your mouth. Nothing reaches your ear, you're floating on air, your mind is perfectly, blissfully, blank.

And then, a hand on yours.

You blink, and swallow, and you realize Izuku has reached over the table to your knife hand, gently shaking you out of your out-of-body experience. "You're crying," he observes quietly.

Your cheeks are wet, upon observation. You can't bring yourself to care at the moment. You simply nod and go in for another bite.

After a moment of watching you, Izuku smiles, and returns to his own food. He's happy to privately watch you have one of the best experiences of your life, and he's happy to know that this was possible because of him. There's something bittersweet about the whole thing, and for a moment, the silliness of sitting down and pretending to be human for a night strikes him.

It doesn't quite stick. Like water, it rolls off, and the two of you enjoy your dinner, tucked away in a quiet corner of a quiet restaurant.

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[darkscrossfire]

Whisper of an angel

♰ Part Three ♰

Pairing: Darkiplier x Female Reader

Summary: Every single night for as long as you can remember, you’ve slept undisturbed. You’ve dreamt dreams that were anything but out of the ordinary, until one night, a strange shadowed figure starts to visit you in your dreams. You doubt that he’s real, but as time progressed, it becomes hard to deny that this obsessive man is anything but a figure in your dreams.

Warning: None for this chapter

Note: Hey everyone! I’ve created a playlist for this series which you can find in the series masterlist on my page. If you’d like to suggest songs, please go ahead! Also this is not the final chapter!

Someone’s watching me.

He’s watching me.

I still don’t know his name, but he’s been the only thing that’s on my mind since I woke up this morning. The moment I awoke, I found myself immediately sitting up, wide awake as if I had never fallen sleep in the first place. I could not help but stare at my wall across the room, my heart still pounding in my chest.

It still doesn’t make sense how someone from my dreams could be watching me. He’s a creation of my own imagination. Have I really come to the point of hallucinating voices in my waking life of a man who doesn’t even exist, made solely of my own internally wants?

Sheesh.

I really need to get laid.

I found it ridiculous and terribly unfortunate that the first man to give me real butterflies came from a dream. My brain must have decided that no one in the real world was good enough for me and decided to create this imaginary aberration covered gentleman with looks that most would find a little unnerving but I find myself drawn to. Am I losing my sanity? I knew this day would come.

Since he’s my imagination, I need to think of a name for him. Something that really suits that mysterious exterior he seems to portray. Something that will really give off that haunting yet so incredibly attractive display he has. Something like..

Mark.

Nah.

How about David?

Nope.

Michael?

Not at all.

Carl?

Hell no.

I can’t seem to think of-

“Dude, you’re like totally drifting off again.”

I’ll come back to that thought later.

I turned to look towards Marcy, where she was seated on the other end of the couch inside of her apartment, where we were. She was leaned against her arm, one of her eyebrows raised in a mix of annoyance and confusion. I realized now that she had been saying something to me, but I had been in my own little world, trying to think of a name for the mystery man in my head.

I raised my eyebrows in puzzlement. “Oh- what? Sorry, yeah. What were you saying?”

She chortled and shook her head. “I don’t even care about that anymore. I just wanna know what you were thinking about.”

Ah shit, how am I supposed to explain this to her without sounding like i’m losing my marbles?

Hey Marcy, oh you know, just thinking about this guy that was from my super real dream last night that left a really bad imprint on me so now I keep thinking about this imaginary guy from my dreams like a love struck twelve year old girl who just discovered that boy bands exist. I’m also trying to think of a name for him so that I can think about him all the time even though he doesn’t exist and I think a screw just fell out my brain.

“Nothing.” I spoke, shrugging.

She scoffed. “Oh really? I was speaking to you like full on and you were just staring at the wall with this little twinkle in your eye. What? Did you meet a someone? Was it a guy?” She smirked.

I shrugged again, “Something like that.”

Her face fell. She seemed shocked that I had actually found someone that I seemed to like. The way she quickly sat up straight and faced me head on made it seem like it was some kind of historical event. I didn’t think it was such a big deal until I realized that I had basically rejected every single guy i’d been on a date with until now, always finding something that put me off with them. To Marcy, it was like the tides were turning.

“No ways. You’re bein’ serious right now? Is he cute? Was he nice? Please say he didn’t smell bad or say you looked like his mom or something like that.” She queried.

I chuckled. “No, no. He’s not like that, not that I know of. I don’t really know him well enough.”

“Ohh, so you just sorta met him but he was like super intriguing?” She asked.

“Yeah, I guess.”

She smiled. “Did you guys meet at the store or something? Did you touch the same melon and you made awkwardly cute little eye contact before offering to let the other take it but it ended up making an awkward but adorable chain of ‘No, it’s okay, you can take it’s to which one of you stuck your hand out and introduced yourself and then said you’d see each other around whilst secretly really hoping that you will?”

She’s seen way too many romance movies.

I hesitated. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

She raised a teasing brow. “Was he the man of your dreams?”

“Uh, yeah.” Cough.

She grinned. “You have to find him again, then you have to tell me all about him.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I will. I’m not sure if i’ll see him again though. I think it was a one time thing.” I frowned.

Marcys expression mirrored mine. “It’s always the good ones.”

For the rest of the time that we hung out, I found myself simultaneously watching a movie and listening out for that little voice that called out to me yesterday. I wanted so badly to hear him again. This stranger with a voice of silk. I found it quite pitying that I found myself so enamored with a man who didn’t even exist. This was the least bored I had been in a very long time, so might as well play around with this.

I felt bad for somewhat lying to Marcy. If I told her how we’d actually met, she’d probably tell me to see a therapist.

After I left Marcys house, I decided to walk home. That’s how I heard him the first time. If I do what I did the first time, hopefully he’ll show again. It seems strange that the first time I heard him, I was terrified. I ran all the way come cause I thought someone was going to hurt me, but now I find myself searching for this voice, trying to find it instead of running away from it.

I stepped through the damp aired street, my eyes darting around as if trying to see if I’d spot him in the real world. All I could see were the usual strangers standing about, some talking amongst each other, some standing alone, some walking. I frowned, not catching sight of the stranger from my dream. I realized it was ridiculous to think I would see him here. He’s not real.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. How pathetic was this? Yearning for a man who I created out of my own self deprivation of love. I’ve heard people say that you’ll do crazy things for love, but I didn’t think that hallucinations would be one of them. This was probably a sign from the universe to stop being so goddamn picky and just choose someone already. I mean looking like someone’s mother couldn’t be the worst thing?

I stopped my frantic searching and decided to continue my path home just staring toward, ignoring the possibility that I thought he might be out on my path. I brushed away my foolish thoughts, though there was a pained ache in my chest. It really felt as though I was losing my sanity. Does loneliness bring everyone to this?

I arrived to my front door, pulling out my key and placing it in the keyhole, twisting it with a click. As I placed my hand on my doors handle, I heard the whisper of a voice brush past me and a chill surge through my body. I turned my head around quickly, trying to see if was him. The hopeful pull in my stomach made me snap out of my thoughts. I’m being stupid again, it’s just the wind. Just stop.

I entered my house and closed the door, locking it. I threw my keys onto the table and smiled at the sight of Foxy jumping onto the counter, his dark fur brushing up against my arm. I reached over and ran my fingers over his back, letting him do his little shiver as I trailed over his spine. I gave him a small smile, tilting my head to the side.

“Hey, fox.” I said quietly.

He purred.

I sighed quietly, stepping away to move over to my living room. The house was dark and quiet. I frowned, scanning the my dreary apartment which seemed to match my mood. I wished I would hear one little whisper, but nothing. There was just the sound of the city from outside, filling the empty noise in the apartment.

I sat down on my couch, placing my knees on my elbows as I stared out towards the city. I let my arms slide over my legs as I leaned back and let myself rest against the back of the couch. My feet were tucked under the small brown coffee table before me, where I could see Foxy slither and pounce onto it, circling around for a moment before taking a seat.

I looked over at him as he stared at me with his big dark eyes. His little paws were placed before him and I couldn’t help but wish I could be in his place. I doubt he’s ever dreamt of a mystery man who happens to be the best guy he’s ever met even though he might not be all that great due to unending loneliness that purges his existence and makes life a bit more exhausting.

“Am I losing my mind?” I asked him.

He just stared.

I let my head rest against the couch again. “If you could talk, you’d probably have said yes. I wouldn’t judge you. I probably am.” I raised a brow in thought. “It’s ridiculous isn’t it? Finding the first guy I actually like and he doesn’t even exist. It has to be some kind of a sick joke from the universe. It’s like they’re dangling him in front of my face going ‘Uh uh, you can look but you can’t have.’ Like it’s amusing or something.”

I looked through my windows to the the rest of the buildings, some of the windows were illuminated by light within the room they held and some were dark, just like mine. I wondered how many of the occupants in those rooms had found their true partners, someone they can truly love and cherish who also loves them the same. I wondered how many of them were in love right now with someone they couldn’t have.

I looked over at Foxy. “I really wish you could talk. I really need some advice right now. Would it be wrong to settle for less? Maybe it’ll cure my insanity.”

I stood up from the couch, moving over to the cupboard to pull out a nearly empty bag of cat food, which I opened and used to fill Foxy’s food bowl, before tossing away the bag. I refilled his water bowl, being careful not to spill it. I watched as he trotted over and began eating from the bowl, his little mouth munching at the different colored brown bits like it was the best thing he’d ever tasted.

I chortled. “I wish I could eat like that and not have to worry about how I look.”

My eyes felt heavy, the day beginning to really catch up to me. I let out a yawn and turned away from Foxy, heading to my bedroom where I changed into my sleep wear and tucked myself into bed. Letting my eyes linger outside the window into the night sky for a moment before I let them close and let my head come to a rest.

I found myself internally wishing that I would fall asleep and wake up in the void again. That I would fall into my own little dream land with this mysterious man who seemed to plague my thoughts. I found myself trying to make myself purposefully dream of it, imagining what I had seen the last time.

I imagined the way it felt when I woke up, the way it felt like that first cold breeze came over me, the way it felt when he provided me with that warmth that made my chest tingle. The way I felt when I first saw him, how his appearance made me stare in intrigue. The way it felt he brushed his fingers through my hair.

I wanted it all again.

I wanted to see him again.

The night was quiet, there were no whispers of my name or of anything. There was no words spoken out of the darkness. I did not feel that shiver of cold and I did not feel myself become wrapped in warmth. I slept the rest of the night dreamless. I did not see him again, and instead saw my sleep to be quiet and dull.

I found myself awakening the next morning in disappointment, letting this be a sign of my absurdity.

Tag list:

@espresshadow

@mysticalfunmiracle

@thatsolarflare

[owl232]

Sally Face Fic

Chapter Three

A/n: We will be getting in to readers opinions and interests a little in this, and I’m sorry if they don’t fit your own, I just thought it would be nice for the reader to be this way.

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Once you had arrived to your apartment, the man, whose name you learned was Larry, offered to help carry your groceries as a thanks for giving him a ride. You allowed his help and together, you both carried the bags into the elevator and rode up to your apartment.

When the elevator doors opened, you stepped out first, Larry following along soon after. He was talking about Sanity Falls, as you had learned about the mutual love you shared for the band. He was way more of a hardcore fan than you were, but he still was stoked that he met someone else who also listened to them.

After taking your keys out of your pocket, you fumbled with them for a second and then shoved them into the door, unlocking it and going inside with Larry in tow.

“So…your friends leave you in dumpsters often..?” You ask, trying to make a little small talk as you put the bags you were holding onto the counter since the SF topic had dropped.

Larry did the same as well. “Eh, not dumpsters specifically, sometimes when one of us gets absolutely shit faced we just leave them somewhere. I happened to be the winner for last night.” He laughed. It honestly shocked you that they would do that to their friends.

“Isn’t that a little dangerous though?” You reply. Larry shook his head smiling and leaning against the counter looking at you.

“Well our group only has one female friend and we don’t do that to her. The rest of us can handle ourselves if we got into trouble, so it’s all good dude.” You nod slightly, still unsure about that, but hey, who are you to judge.

“Thanks for helping me.” You say and walk with him back to the front door.

“Yeah dude, of course. If you ever wanna hang and blast some SF, I live in the basement, you seem chill.” Larry says and hands you a card. You take it and see that it’s a keycard for the basement. You nod and open the door, as he steps out, you can see Sal exiting his apartment, and so does Larry.

“Hey my man! Sally Face!” Larry says.

Sal looks over and raises a hand. “Larry face!” He then looks between you and Larry. “Oh, you met y/n.”

“Yeah, she gave me a ride back here so I helped her with carrying groceries.” Larry replies.

“Wow, can’t believe anyone would let you in their car after you slept in a dumpster.” Sal jokes, his mask shifting slightly as his eyes squint, most likely smiling.

“Haha, well I guess I was lucky huh.” Larry says, chuckling.

“I was just about to go to the basement to see if you were there yet.” Sal says.

“Well, we can go chill there now if you want since I have nothing to do.” Larry says, then turns towards you. “Do you want to come with us?”

“Ah, I have to put groceries away but once I’m done I can come by and hang out for a bit.” You say, gesturing back to your apartment.

“Alright, just let yourself in no need to knock when you do.” Larry says and both him and Sal head towards the elevator. You go back in your apartment and close the door, then go to the kitchen to start putting the stuff away.

-

It took you about 20 minutes to put everything away, and once you were done, you grabbed the basement key card and headed off to the elevator.

When you made it down, you stepped out and headed towards where you supposed was Larry’s room, because you could hear muffled talking from the other side of the door.

You knocked twice before opening the door. Larry was sitting on his bed while Sal was sitting on a bean bag chair.

“Hey y/n.” Sal said with a little wave. You smiled and waved back at him. Larry greeted you as well.

"You can sit in the bean bag next to Sal if you want, honestly, you can sit wherever. That's what everyone else does." Larry says. You nod and take a seat next to Sal.

They both continue their conversation they were having before. Chatting about whether ghosts were real or not.

You took the time to scan the room. Larry had a bunch of posters hanging on the walls, along with some paintings. His room was messy but you wouldn’t expect anything less from him. It seemed to fit his personality well.

You could appreciate the art he had, as you also enjoyed doing art as well. You even have quite a bit of art supplies, but haven’t had the time to unpack those yet.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Larry speaking to you. “Hey y/n. What’s your opinion on ghosts?”

“Hmmm, well, I believe in them. I don’t really have an opinion on them though.”

“See, even she believes in them.” Sal says to Larry. He just groans in response.

“Sal thinks this place is haunted, but I don’t believe it. I’ve lived here for years and have seen nothing.” Larry says.

“Uh, well I don’t think everyone’s able to see ghosts. I also haven’t been here long enough to have an opinion if this apartment is haunted or not, but what makes you think it is?” I say ask Sal.

“I swear I hear some weird stuff sometimes and feel like I’m being watched. Also, some bad stuff has happened here and everything just gives me the creeps.” Sal says.

“Man just cause some shits gone down doesn’t mean we got ‘ghosts’ you are just being paranoid.” Larry says.

“What kind of bad stuff has happened?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowed and raised slightly.

Sal and Larry glance at each other for a moment before Larry speaks. “The apartment you got, had a murder happen in it a while ago. The murderer was some crusty fat guy who lived on the same floor. It was crazy when it all went down. I was fixing the toilet in there when it happened.”

“Really? So that’s why it was so cheap.” You thought out loud. It didn’t really bother you that, that stuff had taken place in your home. It happened and it’s not like you could do anything about it. The killer is gone anyways.

“Aren’t you freaked out about it?” Sal questioned.

“No, not really. I did suspect something was off due to the price of apartment but didn’t know it was that.” You shrugged.

The topic soon dropped off after that. Larry had turned on music and was head banging, and so was Sal. It was kinda funny to watch. You just sat back and enjoyed the music and the company.

[scary-flag]

Just a few days ago I've produced a whole-ass post about how I interpret the Kraken to be Ed having a psychotic break, but I've deleted this post after I've got attacked by you-know-which-people.

Now that I have this people blocked and they have blocked me (after basically saying that me seeing Ed as mentally unstable is racist!!) I can finally join the discussion again:

I've been through clinical depression, mood disorders and a psychotic break.

My therapist once told me it's actually a pretty common thing to happen to people as an effect of a traumatic event, that you suddenly start to worry that YOU are your worst fear (it actually has a psychiatrical name but I don't remember it, sorry!) Then you start to BELIEVE that you are that fear, that you are what you hate the most. Psychosis is a weird thing that makes you believe shit that you normally know is not - and never could be - real. I can't even explain how it feels, honestly, because it's so absurd, but it can make you believe that you are someone you are not.

And that's why I will defend this interpretation of Ed as having mental health issues every single time I see it. Because I genuinely know such things do happen and it's not just a "girl after breakup" phase. It's something that causes severe distress and makes you question the reality and your own sanity. It wants you to forget who you really are and become your own worst fear.

Imagine a situation in which your inner voice tells you that you are inherently evil deep inside, that there is no sense to fight it, that sooner or later everyone will know that. You cry day and night because you don't understand WHY does your mind do that. You KNOW you are not a bad person, but the psychosis wants you to "embrace" the evil and basically turn into who you "really are", to give up and die, whatever. To feel the worst. You know you're not violent, you know you do not want to hurt anyone, but the nagging thought in your head tells you that you are and you will, so you can as well give up now. Super crazy, huh?

So yeah, I kind of think it fits the Kraken!Ed storyline and it's not because I'm white, it's because I've been through the fucking same mental state.

i really dislike the way people talk about ed sometimes while being critical of other peoples meta bc it can feel so? dehumanizing and ignorant of mental illness where the idea of ed displaying traits that are more severe than your average depressive spell is treated as an insult to him.

its like arguing that ed doesnt have anger problems when he very fucking clearly DOES and its like? hes severely traumatized! he has issues! i know some popular headcanons for him are that he has c-PTSD and/or BPD and those disorders come with anger issues. even if you just headcanon him as having ADHD people with ADHD also struggle with mood regulation. same with things like impulsivity, or a fragile sense of self. same with the fact that him going kraken isnt him making reasonable choices, and its kinda super legit to interpret him as having psychosis or him dissociating in these scenes.

it feels so stigmatizing to dismiss these things. especially with how people will go out of their way to mock the concept of people relating mental illness to ed :/