#so yeah i have a lot of thoughts about them and i care about them greatly

[egophiliac]

don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12

[tooturtly]

Just so ppl know it does get better! I didn’t really have friends from ages 13-18, and even before then I always felt a little different (gay and neurodivergent). And yeah, it sucked. I thought I was doing everything right. I talked to people in class, I did extracurriculars, I was involved. But nobody was texting me unless it was about something school related. I wasn’t invited to anybody’s house. Twice the people I ate lunch with made homecoming plans but never invited me, I just showed up bc of how much they talked about it.

It finally took seeing the group of people I thought were my friends really overtly reject an openly neurodivergent guy from the friend group. Why? Because he talked too much, he was too sincere. It wasn’t any fault of his own. When I hung out with him in a smaller group, I had a blast. And I realized it wasn’t his fault or mine, but the people who I didn’t even like that much who were pushing me away. They were doing the same thing to both of us, and I should be pissed about it! (I still am, even know people change, it was still a shitty thing to do)

My senior year I finally put myself first and realized that having bad friends was worse than being alone. And I might as well be alone on my terms. I went to homecoming and prom by myself, I wore my own weird clothes and danced by myself just to have fun. I realized that going with those people had made me have less fun, because they hardly wanted to dance to the music if they didn’t know the song. I decided I was going to have fun and be my own person.

The only people I had who were friends were the older people at the game shop I went to. They were kind and patient with me when I didn’t know all the rules, and I’ve since lost touch with them but everyday I’m thankful that I had them in my life. Thank you for taking care of this weird teenager who was too loud and too pushy, and who you guided anyway! Thank you for humoring me!

And then I did find lasting friends. I graduated high school and found a group of amazing, nerdy, goofy people who I clicked with. We play D&D together, we eat together often, we share our stories, we talk and we laugh, we have inside jokes.

As I’ve gotten older I know I still have those moments. Even with my closest friends, I have doubts and anxieties about if they actually like me, if I’m a good and kind enough person to be able to sustain a friendship. Sometimes I think maybe I’m better off alone, because then any hurt I cause will only be me. I’ve never had friends before, I don’t know anything! Sometimes I think I’m too full of hurt to do anything but hurt. But I don’t trust those thoughts! My brain lies to me all the time! Those terrible twisted feelings never come from me, they come from a me that doesn’t know anything but pain and sorrow. I’m an entirely different person when the depression hits, and I’ve learned enough not to trust how I feel in those moments.

I know that I’m trying and my friends know it too. I’m not purposefully mean, I make amends when I make mistakes, which is all you can do because everyone makes mistakes. And I think about how much sadder my life would be without my support network. I would be miserable! Yeah I can do it alone, but I don’t want to! Doing it alone sucks! I love my friends! I don’t want to let them go, and they want me around. If my friends didn’t want me around, they’d tell me to pack it. Yet I’ve continued making friends, I find fun and weird people everywhere!

Fuck it, I’m gonna be me as much as I can! Life is terrible when you’re pretending to be someone else. And I’ve been lucky enough to find space irl where I can be me. If you can’t do that in person, go online, find community anywhere you can get it. I know I learned a lot from lurking online in high school.

My friends love me even though I have flaws, and I love them even though they have flaws. Including the anxiety and self doubt! Loving with flaws is human. Confidence is your armor against that self doubt. Even if it’s fake! Say fuck it and love your life, love yourself! The world is beautiful! Life is beautiful in those small moments laughing, in talking, in smiling.

Yes this is optimistic positivity! Because pessimism made me sad and being sad does not make you want to live! And I want to live. I made the choice once to live as much as I can. God’s tried to kill me twice and he has failed so far, so I will dance through life laughing.

I can still be depressed and I can still laugh! I can be lonely sometimes and still have friends! I can know that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel if I smile and greet the darkness as my friend.

On Isolation

[ateezscupid]

─── FEB FILTH FEST: Birthday - BREEDING ♡

SUMMARY / Adorable newlyweds, and your husband seems stuck on wanting to have kids.

warnings ✩ SMUT, FLUFF, switch! wooyoung, dom!reader, fem!reader, established relationship, you two just got married, reader is insecure, unprotected sex, light body worship, praise, oral (m), mommy kink

word count ✩ 2,26k

tags ✩ @desirehorizon @tangerineastronaut @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @starillusion13 @mingitheskzstan @bbdeongi @dawn-iscozy @xh01bri @mallielovssyou @clxssy1997 @soreberry @nopension@kitten4sannie@faeriehwas@lustfxq @ashistrashhhhhh

ATEEZ MASTERLIST / REQUEST / FEB FILTH FEST

"Wooyoung, look at this!" you stand from the couch holding your laptop, running over to his desk and sitting your computer next to his. "These curtains would like nice in our room, right? They're so cute!"

Wooyoung glances over at the screen, smiling slightly. "Sure, love, whatever you want. Just don't let your online shopping exceed the budget," he jokes, his eyes not leaving his spreadsheet.

You roll your eyes playfully. "As if you ever care about the budget," you tease, nudging his shoulder with yours. He chuckles and finally looks up, his eyes scanning the webpage briefly before nodding in agreement.

"What's that?" he referred to the recommended items under the one you were looking at.

"Oh. Curtains for baby rooms." Your voice trails off as you realize what you've clicked on. You furrow your eyebrows and stare at them for a while, causing Wooyoung to stare at you.

"You…okay? You're staring at the screen like you want to blow it up." Wooyoung's voice pierces through the silence, a hint of concern in his tone.

You laugh nervously, "Yeah, sorry, just lost in thought." You quickly switch tabs to hide the baby products, feeling your cheeks warm up. "It's nothing."

He smirked a little bit. "No, cmon! Tell me! Did you see something weird?" He leans over, trying to get a peek at the hidden tab.

You swat his hand away. "It's just… I've been thinking about our future a lot lately."

Wooyoung sits up straight in his chair, his smile widening. "And what does our future look like?

You bite your lip, trying to figure out the best way to bring up the topic that's been weighing on your mind. "Well, it's just… I know you've talked about starting a family soon."

"A lot. I've been talking about it a lot. I keep sending you cute baby videos and you act like you don't see them." he blinks at you with his innocent puppy eyes.

You can't help but laugh at his persistence. "I see them. I just don't always know what to say." You admit, your heart racing as you prepare to share your feelings. "But, it's not like I don't want kids I just…"

"You just…? What?" Wooyoung asks, his smile fading slightly as he senses your hesitance.

You take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts. "I just--I see all those videos of moms who's body change so much when they're pregnant and some of their husbands leave them. It scares me." You finally spit out.

Wooyoung's smile fades completely as he looks at you seriously. "What? Who would do that?"

You shrug, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I don't know. I've heard of it happening. Plus, there's all the stress and responsibility that comes with having kids. I think I'm ready for all that! Just…not the physical part…"

"Well, I'd never leave you. And we can always support each other through the tough parts," Wooyoung says gently, placing his hand on your thigh. His thumb makes small circles, trying to soothe your nerves. "And however your body changes, I won't stop thinking you're hot."

You give him a weak smile, feeling a bit better. "Thanks, but it's not just that. It's everything. The diapers, the crying, the sleepless nights…"

"And I'll do it all if I have to." Wooyoung's voice is firm and reassuring. He stands up from his chair and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into him. "But we don't have to rush into anything. We can wait until you're ready. We're young, we have time."

"No, I -- I do want kids! I'm super sure of that! A-And I don't mind doing all the mom stuff! Just, y'know, what if I turn into some ugly goblin." You laugh nervously, trying to lighten the mood.

Wooyoung looks into your eyes, his gaze serious. "You'll never be a goblin to me. You'll be the most beautiful mom, because you're beautiful inside and out." His words hit you like a warm embrace, wrapping around your insecurities and giving you a comforting squeeze.

"You'll be gorgeous carrying my baby," he kissed your cheek. "Walkin' around all pregnant and happy, I'd love that."

"Ewww, it sounds like you have a breeding kink." you tease him, trying to lighten the mood with a playful giggle.

Wooyoung just stared at you and didn't answer. You stare back and gasp lightly, "You do, don't you?"

He instantly got red. "N-No! I don't I just-"

"It's fine if you do! You wanna get me pregnant that bad-?!" You laugh, poking him in the stomach. His cheeks turn a deep shade of red, but he doesn't pull away. Instead, he tightens his embrace, his arms secure around you.

"…Oh my god, Wooyoung-" you pause. "Are you hard-?!"

Wooyoung's eyes widen and he clears his throat, trying to maintain eye contact. "….Maybe."

You burst into laughter, poking him again. "Oh my god, you do! You're so adorable!" You lean into his embrace, feeling his heartbeat against your chest. It's comforting, a steady rhythm that calms your racing thoughts.

"Can we go deal with…this though?!" he gulped gesturing toward his bulge. You couldn't help but laugh at his sudden shyness, a stark contrast to his usual playful demeanor.

"Aw, yes baby." You say, a playful smirk forming on your lips as you slide your hand down to grip his hardening erection through his pants. "Let's go to the bedroom, shall we?"

He nods and you pull him along, his hand in yours as you lead him to the bedroom. The tension in the air shifts from the previous conversation, now charged with a different kind of excitement. As you enter the room, Wooyoung locks the door behind you, his eyes never leaving yours. You can feel the heat radiating from his body, his desire for you as palpable as the air around you.

"You want me to touch you?" you ask coyly, your voice low and sultry as you trace a line from his neck to his collarbone with your finger. Wooyoung nods eagerly, his eyes darkening with lust as he watches your every move. You lean in closer, your breath tickling his ear as you whisper, "Where do you want me to touch you?"

"Baby, please." Wooyoung's voice is low, a pleading whisper that sends shivers down your spine. You feel empowered, knowing you have this effect on him. You bite your lower lip, your eyes scanning his body hungrily as you decide where to begin. You decide to tease him a bit more, tracing the outline of his erection through his pants, feeling it throb under your touch.

"No, let's use a different name…" you go silent for a minute. "Mommy, maybe? You like that?" You say with a mischievous grin.

Wooyoung's eyes widen and he swallows hard. "Yeah, I like that," he breathes, his voice thick with desire. You both laugh, the tension dissipating as you both embrace the playfulness of the moment.

"Yeah?" you tug at his sweatpants. "You want mommy to make you feel good?"

Wooyoung's eyes are glued to yours, his breathing hitched. "Yeah," he manages to get out. You smirk, feeling a thrill at the power play. You push him back gently onto the bed, straddling him. He watches as you pull his pants down, revealing his thick cock. You lean down, your eyes never leaving his, and wrap your lips around the tip. He groans, his hands coming up to tangle in your hair.

"F-Fuck," Wooyoung gasps as you start to bob your head, taking him deeper into your mouth. His hands tighten their grip on your hair, guiding you as you find a rhythm that makes him squirm beneath you. You can feel his cock pulse with every stroke, and you know you're driving him wild.

"M-Mommy-" Wooyoung's voice is a needy whine that sends a thrill down your spine. You suck harder, feeling his cock swell in your mouth. Every other time you sucked him off, it felt different. But now, with the new dynamic, it's like you're discovering each other all over again. You let one hand stroke him while the other moved down your body, pushing under your pants.

Your own arousal is evident as you feel how wet you've become. You pushed him down your throat, feeling his cock hit the back of it and gag, only to pull back and do it again. Wooyoung's hips start to thrust upward slightly, his control slipping as he gets lost in the pleasure. You can feel his heart racing under your palm where it's resting on his chest, his breaths coming in short, sharp bursts.

"I-I'm gonna come-" Wooyoung warns, his voice strained with pleasure. You moan around his cock, the vibration sending him over the edge. He comes in your mouth and you swallow, feeling a sense of satisfaction wash over you. You sit back, licking your lips as you watch him catch his breath.

"Lay back," you stand, pushing your pants and underwear down, revealing your wet pussy. "Let mommy take care of herself now." You climb onto the bed, your heart racing with excitement as you straddle his hips.

"You're so pretty," he says, his voice still shaky from his orgasm. He watches as you hover above him, his eyes fixated on your glistening core.

"Am I?" you giggle, rubbing yourself back and forth on his cock, which is already starting to harden again. "You like watching?"

"Mhm," he nods, his eyes not leaving the sight of your pussy gently brushing against his cock. You lean back, supporting yourself on your hands, and lower yourself down onto him. He gasps as you take him in, inch by inch, his length stretching you open. You've done this countless times before, but the new name play has added an extra layer of excitement to the act.

"Fuck-" he inhales sharply. "M-Mommy, you're so tight," he groans, his eyes rolling back as you start to move. You bounce up and down on him, your walls clenching around his cock as you ride him. The sensation of being filled up by him while calling him 'baby' is new and exhilarating.

"I-I love you, your body, everything…" he stammers, his voice thick with pleasure as you rock against him. You lean forward, pressing your breasts against his chest as you start to pick up the pace, your movements growing more urgent. The room is filled with the sound of skin slapping together and your moans of pleasure.

He wraps his fingers in your hair, his other hand on your back. "Don't stop-" he begs, his eyes closed as he feels you ride him with an intensity that borders on desperation. You lean down and kiss him, your tongues dancing as you move together. His taste is still on your lips, a mix of salt and sweetness that drives you wild.

"God, I want your cum so bad," you chuckle, your voice breathless as you ride him, the feeling of his cock moving inside you making your walls quiver. "I bet you wanna fill me up so bad."

Wooyoung's eyes snap open, his gaze fiery as he looks up at you. "Mommy," he says, the word slipping out almost involuntarily. "I'm going to come."

"Yes, baby, come for mommy," you whisper, your voice a siren's call as you continue to bounce on his cock. The idea of him filling you up, breeding you, sends a thrill through your body that only intensifies your desire. You feel your own orgasm approaching as you lean into the role, your hips moving faster and more erratically.

"Fill me up," you purr, playing into his newfound kink. You can feel his cock twitch inside you, his body taut with anticipation. You lean back, arching your spine as you increase your rhythm, watching his expression contort with pleasure. The power of bringing him to the edge like this, calling him 'baby' in such a way, is intoxicating.

Wooyoung shut his eyes tightly and gripped your hips, his body trembling as you whispered those words into his ear. The thought of you actually being full of his cum once he filled you up was too much for him to handle. He felt his orgasm building as your pussy clenched around his cock.

"Cmon, give it to me. Get me pregnant," you say in a playful but urgent tone. "I wanna have your kids."

"Mommy-" he gasped, his hips jerking upwards as he felt his orgasm approaching. "I-I'm gonna f-fill you up," he groaned, his voice thick with lust. He moaned as his load emptied into you, the sensation of his hot seed filling you making him shiver with pleasure.

But you didn't stop. You kept going, bouncing up and down on his cock as he spurted his cum deep inside you. "Mm, yeah, baby," you murmur, feeling his warmth fill you up. "Give me all of it." Wooyoung's eyes fly open in surprise, his orgasm hitting harder than he expected as he watches you take his cum hungrily. His hips thrust upward, pushing himself deeper into you, his hands digging into your hips as he releases his seed.

"O-Oh my god-!" he gasps, his eyes rolling back in pleasure as he feels you milking his cock for every last drop. "Y-You're so fucking good at this," he stammers, his voice laced with awe. The taboo nature of the role play has unlocked a primal need in him, and you can see it in the way he looks at you - with a mix of love and raw desire.

[wosospacegirl]

I’m not being mean - Head Coach Leah x Arsenal! r (+18)

Summary: Coach! Leah punishes the reader during a forbidden make-out session.

Warnings: +18!!!!!! dominant!L x lots of kissing x fingering x reader being needy and L being mean x little bit of aftercare.

Word count: 1.2k.

Masterlist here

I'm kinda new to the Woso world, so I don't know if you guys like fics like this... but I'm a slut for dominant woman so yeah :D.

..

Leah’s tongue was wet and warm against Y/n’s mouth, her icy hand gripping the youngest girl’s hip, pulling her closer as Leah deepened the kiss.

 Y/n moaned, tilting her head to give Leah room to explore her neck. The blonde woman found her lips at Y/n’s jugular, sucking it lightly.

“Don’t,” Y/n whined, pushing Leah away slightly. “You can’t leave marks, or the other will see them.”

“Use a turtleneck,” Leah mumbled unrepentantly, pulling Y/n closer, her mouth back on her neck.

“I can’t use a turtleneck for training,” Y/n said, her words and moans blending together. “That’s so good, Leah, more.” She whispered, opening her legs and grinding against Leah’s knee.

Leah smirked. Y/n was just like that, always worried about everything and everyone, but as soon as Leah touched her, she went limp.

Leah had agreed to become Arsenal’s manager after a career-ending injury had shattered her world. It took her some time to accept her new life, but Leah couldn’t say she was unhappy. The ex-lioness had been very successful in her new role. She led Arsenal to many victories, cups, and titles.

Unfortunately, being a manager also meant that Leah couldn’t kiss Y/n, the new Arsenal signing for the season.

Leah and Y/n didn’t get along at first. Leah was too grumpy and Y/n too enthusiastic. Y/n had said they were like a black cat and a golden retriever. Leah disagreed; she didn’t like cats.

The truth was: Leah and Y/n didn’t get on. Leah was rude when Y/n was kind. Leah was confident when Y/n was not. If they spent too much time talking, they would argue, so that’s when the make out sessions came in.

When the two women were making out, nothing else mattered. It was as if their bodies had known each other for centuries. Leah knew where to touch Y/n and the young girl was quick to do whatever Leah wanted of her.

Leah stopped their kiss to pull at Y/n shirt. It was dirty with grass and dirty from the pitch, but she didn’t care. “Fuck, you’re so hot,” Leah whispered, looking at Y/n’s chest. The girl was wearing a smaller training bra, her erected nipples drawing Leah's attention.

The blonde quickly stripped Y/n’s down to her shorts, her mouth sucking on Y/n’s breast as Y/n rubbed herself even harder against Leah’s leg.

“Can I leave a mark here, love?” Leah asked teasingly, grinding in her teeth on Y/n’s nipple before taking it with her teeth.

Love.

Leah only called Y/n love when they were like... this. Y/n didn’t mind, or at least she told herself she didn’t mind that the only time Leah was affectionate towards her was when they were having sex.

Y/n was ripped from her thoughts as she felt Leah’s firm grip on her jaw. “Look at me,” Leah said. “If I ask you a question, you answer it immediately, understand?”

Y/n nodded, moaning as Leah gave her a sharp slap on her ass. It would have hurt even more if she hadn’t been wearing her Arsenal shorts.  

“Good girl,” Leah smiled, kissing Y/n again, more intensely.

Leah was clearly more dominant than Y/n. She liked to boss people around and hated it when they didn’t do what she wanted. Leah fucking loved it having the upper hand.

Y/n liked being told what to do, she enjoyed when Leah treated her like she was just a stupid horny girl.

Leah knew the effect she had on the girl’s body, knew how wet Y/n’s pussy got when she was a bit mean to her.

“I want you, please.” Y/n murmured against Leah’s ear. The throbbing in her pussy was getting too much, it hurt.

“I don’t think you deserve it,” Leah bit Y/n’s earlobe. “You forget your boots again, didn’t you? That’s why you were a bit clumsy on the field today.

Y/n had a bad habit of forgetting things, being late… all the things Leah hated.

“I—I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” Y/n promised, whimpering as Leah’s finger finally found its way into to clit. “There, please.” The girl moved herself against Leah’s hand, trying to find more friction.

“You say that every time, love, you never learn, do you?”

Leah noticed that Y/n’s legs were shaking, so she held Y/n tighter against her, teasing Y/n’s wet hole. She put a finger, and then another, Moving them slowly.

“I do learn,” Y/n tried to protest.

“No, you don’t, you need me to remind you of everything, just a little puppy you are.” Leah whispered in Y/n’s ears, her warm walls welcoming Leah’s third finger.

“Please, Leah, let me? Please?” Y/n begged, feeling an orgasm approaching. It was as if her chest was tightening, as if there wasn’t enough air for her to breathe.

“Are you close, love?” Leah asked, cupping Y/n’s face and kissing her mouth softly.

Y/n nodded, moving her hips, feeling Leah’s fingers deep inside her.

Just a little more and she would come, just a little more.

“Too bad, not today, darling,” Leah said, removing her finger from Y/n’s pussy as she held the girls hip firmly, scared that Y/n would fall.

“What?!” Y/n cried. “No, more!” Y/n begged as she closed her hands around Leah’s and cupped them on her pussy. “Don’t be mean, please, more.”

Leah quickly grabbed Y/n’s wrists with one hand while holding her jaw with the other. “I’m not being mean, you were the one who left your things at home, this is your punishment.”

Y/n looked at Leah desperately. She was almost there; her tights were already shaking with need.

“I’ve already said I’m sorry,” Y/n grumbled looking down, her cheeks wet.

Leah wiped away her tears, kissed her forehead and pulled the girl into a hug.

“You know I don’t like you crying like that,” Leah said as she sat in her chair, Y/n on her lap. Leah put a comforting hand on Y/n’s back and let the girl cry for a while.

“Come on, let’s get you dressed, shall we?” Leah kissed Y/n’s cheek as she helped the girl back into her training clothes.

Y/n didn’t say a word, she just let Leah do as she pleased.

The blonde women took some tissues to wipe Y/n’s face. “I’m sorry I cried, I know you don’t like it,” Y/n mumbled, placing her head on Leah’s shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Leah told her. “Are you all right now?”

Y/n nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I should probably get going.” Y/n lifted herself form Leah’s lap, but the older women held her down.

“You don’t have to go now, you can stay here a little longer, just so I can make sure you’re really ok.”

Leah might be grumpy and distant, but she gave good aftercare.

“I know you have things to do,” Y/n gave Leah a sad smile. “I have to go home anyway.”

“All right then,” Leah agreed, taking her hands off Y/n.

Y/n was still a bit shaky, but she didn’t want Leah to see it. It was hard to let yourself be vulnerable with someone, and even harder when your feelings weren’t reciprocated.

Leah got up and opened the door to her office, taking a quick look outside to see if anyone was around. No one could know about Leah and Y/n, or well, now about their sex arrangement.

“No one is here, you can go,” Leah said, no more softness in her voice. She was back to being the team’s Manager. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Y/n walked out the door. “Yeah, bye,” she mumbled.

“Don’t forget your boots again.” That was the last thing Leah said before closing the door, leaving Y/n alone in the corridor.

[lananiscorner]

Can't speak for anybody else, but depending on where you went to school and who your teachers were, I'm afraid paying attention and giving a damn is only half the battle.

Personally (went to school in the 90s and 00s before AI was a thing), I had so. very. many. teachers. who just utterly FAILED at making us understand WHY and HOW the things they were teaching us were going to be important later. It was really more of a "this is on the curriculum, and it's my subject which is always awesome, how can you not see this is awesome and enjoy it just for its own sake?" vibes. And yeah, unless the student you are teaching is into the thing you are teaching, you are not going to get them to pay attention like that.

My most abysmal subject in school was history, primarily because most of my history teachers thought learning about history was inherently FUN and "why can't you guys see this is FUN? How are you not seeing the FUN in this? What's wrong with y'all? How do you not ENJOY learning all those dates and watching timeline grow long?" Meanwhile, me and most of the class were sitting there like "I will never be able to memorize all these dates and everyone involved has been dead for hundreds of years, society has marched on, why should I care?" All I can say is BLESS the two or three GOOD history teachers I had who actually made the jump to go "okay, so forget the dates for a moment, focus on the how and why and let's see how this is still relevant TODAY". If it hadn't been for those two/three teachers, I would have remembered fuck all and I would be entirely unprepared for the historical fuckery that is happening RIGHT NOW.

The same applied to German and English class (I am German, had English as a second language since grade 3). Our English classes were almost entirely about learning the rules of the language and basic geography/history of major English-speaking countries. Our German classes were almost entirely learning the rules of our own language and our Cultural Heritage™ and also, here are the most famous writers (almost all of whom were white, middle-aged upper class men who died hundreds of years ago and whose lived experience was so far removed from that of a teenager in the 90s/00s, it might as well have happened in a different dimension) and we gotta analyze why THEY were brilliant why THEIR WRITING was brilliant.

Like, I WISH we had actually taken apart some newspaper articles/podcasts and analyzed them for how to identify the proper information and spot misinformation/propaganda. I WISH our teachers had succeeded in demonstrating to us why we should care about media analysis, other than wanking about guys who wrote something decent 300 years ago, but most of them really didn't.

Then there is the cascading failure of teachers in later years assuming that you already learned to do something years ago, so clearly they don't need to teach you. They don't even need to ask if you know. Of course not.

I still remember vividly the one history teacher we had who gave us an assignment to make presentations on some very specific local Jewish businesses and institutions that were sacked during the 1930s. Most of us had utterly abysmal grades on that one, not because we didn't care about the subject, but because it was highly local history, so good luck finding anything about it in the local library or on the internet, both of which tended to take a "top to bottom" approach of there being lots of information on global or national events, but very little on local events.

Our teacher gave all of us mediocre grades (deserved, because our presentations were mediocre at best) and then went on to complain how disappointed she was that none of us seemed to have done any research in the city archives, to which almost every single one of us responded with: "wait, there are publicly accessible city archives that we can access for this kind of information? Even as underaged students?"

She had the GALL to be surprised by our reaction, and to complain about how we should know about this already... and then she didn't even bother to teach us how we would go about accessing this kind of information! She saw a leak, and instead of teaching us how to plug it, she just complained about the leak and moved on.

You know, this would have been a nice chance for a field trip? Take the class down to city hall? Let the archiving clerks explain to us how information is stored and sorted and what we can access and what not? I don't know what this woman was expecting from us, honestly, because if "archive research" had been on any of our history curricula before, our teachers clearly hadn't bothered with it, and we were students living in former soviet territories--our parents grew up in a communist dictatorship where asking the wrong questions landed you in prison getting interrogated and tortured. Just how nosy/curious exactly did this HISTORY teacher who clearly should have known about the HISTORICAL background of our area think we were going to be, and how did she not even THINK to ask us "so this next task is about highly local stuff--do all of y'all know what the city archives are and how to access them?"

Like, I'm not saying that none of this failure to do research and accurately interpret and formulate texts is down to student laziness, especially in the face of AI. All I'm saying is, the cards are already pretty stacked against a lot of kids to begin with.

I cannot stress the importance of paying attention in language classes in high school. Maybe the reason why your English teacher taught you about unreliable narrators is because a lot of the media around you is written by unreliable narrators posing as reliable. Maybe they gave you assignments on interpreting texts so you could draw your own conclusions about news articles. Some of you clearly thought English classes were useless in high school and now are unable to engage critically with media.

[back2bluesidex]

To Be Popular - JJK [Chapter 2]

Pairing: Social Media Influencer! Jungkook X Marketing Manager! Reader ft. Yoongi

Summary:

You love everything about social media - apart from the ever-growing number of social media influencers. You don't understand how these people gain followers and admirers just by installing a camera and doing very basic things in front of it. And you despise how some of them can do anything to gain fame, to be popular - even if it includes uploading their bedroom scene in pornsites aka people like Jeon Jungkook. But when your company launches a new product and your department head tasks you with signing Jeon Jungkook up as an endorsement partner - you have no choice but to chase him like the corporate slave that you are. However, things turn worse when you embroil in a dating rumor with him and have to keep the game going for the sake of everything. is it really for the worse or things will turn in a way you never expected it to?  

Theme: Strangers to lovers au, fake dating au, kind of enemies to lover au, angst, smut, fluff.

Full Series Word Count: 26k

Chapter word count: 6.4k+

Warnings: flirting, argument, kissing that's all.

Masterlist | Patreon (For access to the complete series)

Minors, I am not responsible for what you consume online. So, act more rationally and stay away.

Chapter index: -

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |

Drabbles: Imposter in the club,

Or read the full series right away on Patreon!!

Only twice in your life did you have the need to sign contracts. 

First time was your employment contract, the second time was your house lease contract. 

The third contract turns out to be something that you didn’t even have the wildest dreams about - a dating contract. 

That too, with a person you seemingly get irked by very often. 

You have gone through the documents almost every day this past week, so much so that now you can recite the terms and conditions as fluently as your phone number. 

The contract is pretty standard if you are being honest. There is only one term that you added: “Kisses are not allowed”. And it seems like both Seokjin and Jungkook have no issues accepting your only term. 

However, your hands feel clammy all of a sudden when you are about to sign the papers. The thoughts of being under the limelight scares you. 

And being Jeon Jungkook’s girlfriend means a lot of limelight in social media. 

“You okay?” Kim Seokjin asks, perceiving your hesitation in signing the papers. 

“Yeah.. I am just.. You know… don’t know what to expect from all these.” you voice. 

Seokjin places an assuring hand on top of yours, with a little squeeze he says, “you can trust me, Y/N. I will do my best to keep your private life private. Jungkookie is not a bigshot anyway but yes I know there are risks of privacy breach, which will be my department to handle.” 

You feel an odd sense of relief injected by the man’s silver voice. 

But it seems like you spoke too soon because, “what’s up you two?” Jungkook appears from nowhere. He eyes the place where Seokjin has his hand on top of yours and narrows his eyes at you. 

“You are late.” Seokjin directs his authoritative voice towards Jungkook. Jungkook sits down on the chair beside him and starts chugging down water. His Adam's apple bobs like a sin. 

You distract yourself from the scene by signing the papers finally. 

“Now it’s your turn.” Seokjin extends the paper towards Jungkook, who without a second thought takes it and signs it. 

For a moment you wonder how he manages to stay disconnected from every worry? 

You are as much of a stranger as he is to you. But still, he didn’t hesitate to sign like you did. Maybe this is another reason why you dislike Jeon Jungkook? Because he gets to be care-free while you have to care for every single move you make. 

See for an instance - once you dared to pull an act of bravery and it landed you on a dating deal with Jeon Jungkook. 

How fucking funny!

Your fingers tap on your laptop keyboard as you open the email sent by Jungkook’s agency. It’s a full fledged schedule for your and Jungkook’s first month of appearance. 

And that starts tomorrow. 

As for tomorrow, you will have to visit a cozy cafe with your supposedly boyfriend and get caught by paparazzi. Once you become talk of the media then the company will go ahead and publish an official statement. 

Things will continue like this for five months. During the sixth month your appearances will slow down and at the beginning of the seventh month, the agency will confirm the break up. 

Sounds pretty clean. 

During these seven months Jungkook will be done with the endorsement deal with your company as well. Hence, there is no need of working with him afterwards, which is a pleasant news to be honest. 

So now that you are already in the mess, you should as well taste the water and see what it brings for you. 

“You sure will be okay with it? Do you want me to tag along and keep an eye?” Jimin’s concerned voice rings in your ear. 

You are so thankful that the universe gifted him to you in the form of a best friend. From high school till now, there was hardly a day when Jimin didn’t text you, asked what you were up to, let you know what he was doing. 

He is that one friend who never got away. 

“I will be fine. Don’t worry. Go and enjoy your time, do something fun.” you add. No matter how tempting his offer is, you don’t want him to ruin his Sunday to look after you while you are on a playdate. 

“But Y/N-” 

“Jimin, I will be fine! I will keep updating you, okay?” 

He sighs on the other side making you chuckle. “Okay. but do keep me updated.” 

“Yes. appa. Yes.” 

You check yourself once upon cutting the call.

Yeah, you look presentable. Hopefully paparazzies won’t have any issues with your sober dressing sense. 

Once again your head bobs in the direction from where Jungkook’s car should be emerging. But you find none. 

He is late. 

Great. Another reason to hate Jeon Jungkook. 

Just when you are about to pluck your phone out and throw a text towards him, you hear the rumbling sound of an engine. 

More specifically the sound of Jungkook’s bike. 

He comes to stop where you are standing under a bus stop shade and extends a helmet towards you. 

You are way too busy grasping that you miss the object being offered to you. 

“Do I have to ride this with you?” you point at his bike. 

“It’s called a bike. And yes, you are going to ride it with me.” Jungkook thrusts the helmet towards you again. 

“Thanks for letting me know what it is called. But are you sure I will be in functioning condition by the time we reach?” 

“Don’t worry, my dear girlfriend, I will take care of ya.” he gives you a cheesy grin. 

If something flips inside your chest, then it’s better to put off the subject and focus on the fake date ahead. 

So, you put on the helmet, hop on his bike, and place your hands on his shoulders. 

“Be careful, it's hot down there. Spread your legs a little more.” Jungkook warns. 

You know, it’s about the bike but the implications of his words sets your face on a battle of blush. 

Managing your gut and composure you reply with an affirmative sound. 

“Did you… cut your hair?” Now that Jungkook has stripped off his helmet and is sitting relaxed before you, you can see the difference in his hairstyle from what you saw yesterday. 

“Yeah. All by myself. I even live streamed it. How do I look?” You can see Jungkook’s face lighting up as soon as you mention his new hairstyle. 

“You look like a twelve year old. Cute.” and you are genuine with your words. He looks less mischievous and certainly not like someone who would fuck on camera.

The tip of his ears turn pink when he registers your compliment. 

Clearing his throat a little he says, “what should we order?” 

“A flat white for me. And that cheese cake, strawberry one.” you say, awkwardly peeking at the menu, which is currently under Jungkook’s scrutiny.   

You hear him chuckling and when you follow that sound, you find him staring down at you. His crinkled eyes, baby-like fringe, bunny-teeth on display and that beautiful smile makes him look like a completely different person. 

He doesn’t look like the Jungkook you used to dislike. 

And that spreads something warm under your skin. You start smiling at him without noticing yourself. 

“Isn’t that Jeon Jungkook?” a second female voice comes from a little distance. 

“Oh my god. Yes. and who is he with? Isn’t he dating that bully girl? Doona or Dana?” 

“What? No. didn’t you see his viral videos from the club? That girl is his rumored girlfriend. They seemed to have a fight that night but I guess they are good now?” 

“Oh really?” 

Even though the spectators are trying to be discreet and silent with their gossip, they are anything but. 

When you look in their direction, your eyes lock with one of them. She quickly turns away and types something on her phone. 

Something reaches out for your hand that is placed on the table top. 

It’s Jungkook’s own hand. 

He wraps his big palm around yours and interlaces his fingers with yours. With a sickeningly sweet smile he says, “the act has started, we should jump into characters now.” 

You tighten your fingers around him and reply, “of course we should.” 

However, you are still unsure about where you will be after six months of this play. Will you be friends with Jeon Jungkook? Or will you end up being more?  

“But how did you let Kim Doona come between you two if you were seeing each other?” 

By the time you and Jungkook managed to come out of the cafe that day, it was already a mess. At least ten different people were trying to get your face properly, five others were trying to get a shot of your and Jungkook's intertwined hands and others were clicking pictures not-so-secretly. 

By the time you were home, your photos were all over Jungkook’s fandom’s insta profiles. 

And when the bomb (aka the official statement from the agency) dropped, your phone flooded with questions after questions.

You didn’t answer any. 

Nonetheless, the questions reappeared, this time directly, as soon as you stepped into your workplace on Monday. 

And this question in particular - it was the mostly asked one and you were ready for it. 

Your colleague nudges you again, “come on, tell me, why did you let him fuck the other girl if you were dating him?” 

“I wasn’t dating him back then.” you reply confidently, of course you had your own share of practice. “We used to be friends. But you know… friends with feelings. So yeah.. I was kinda pissed at him.” 

She makes an O shape with her mouth. 

“Is that why you lashed out on him during the meeting? I mean I heard that you…” she doesn’t end her sentence. 

These people really work less and gossip more. You nod. 

“Who confessed though? You or him? Oh- wait! Did you confess at the club? Is that why you two were seen fighting?” she throws her rapid-fire questions at you. 

But you are pleased. It worked out the way you wanted. You didn’t have to tell the story, she completed it all by herself. 

“Yup.” you popped the ‘P’ very enthusiastically. 

“Wow! You are living a fan-fiction, girl, a proper friends to lovers au.” she squeals in her seat, “mind if I post the story on my insta? I wanna use my colleague privilege card.” 

You think for a moment. If she spreads the story herself, it will be better for you. You won’t have to recite it all again and again. So you murmur a little “go ahead” and let her click a selfie with you. 

Your computer dings with a notification from Yoongi. He is asking you to come to his cabin. 

Great. Another round of interviews. 

“I just checked the campaign schedule. It’s efficient as always. Good job, Y/N.” Yoongi’s praise brings a smile to your lips.

You murmur a little thank you with a small smile playing on your lips. 

Every time Yoongi praises your work, your insides flip. But sometimes you wish for those praises to come as ‘you look good today’, ‘your dress looks nice’ and stuff like that. 

Even though that brings a sinking feeling temporarily, that doesn’t stay for long. 

“By the way..” it’s coming, it’s coming, “how did you and Jeon Jungkook end up together? As much as I can assume, you two met each other during the meeting for the first time.” 

This. This is not what you prepared yourself for. 

You didn’t think Yoongi would be too interested in knowing your relationship history, so you wouldn’t have to explain anything to him. But not only is he interested, he seems to be pretty observant of things as well. 

Now you can’t tell him the fake story you just told your colleague nor can you tell him that the entire thing is fake. 

So you clear your throat, “it just…. Happened.” 

“Just happened? You seemed to be pretty livid about his existence that day?” your cute manager gives you a lopsided smile. 

“But then you sent me behind him, to convince him or whatever. And things happened.” you turn your confidence up yet again. 

He quirks a brow at you, “things happened after that club incident, huh?” 

He is right. But not the way he is thinking himself to be right.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” you reply, as you collect the files with the details of the campaign and proceed to leave his cabin. 

“The photoshoot starts next week, don’t be lovey-dovey on the set.” he teases you on your way back. 

You only roll your eyes at the door. 

Second fake date is: hanging out at a bar after work. 

But you don’t drink on weekdays. 

So that lands you on a negotiation and the date is fixed on the Friday of the same week. 

You wait for Jungkook at the entrance of your work complex, a place where people would be able to see you getting on his bike very clearly. A strategy to make things public. 

But what comes to pick you up is not a bike but a car. 

A sleek black car that makes heads turn as it comes to stop in front of you. 

For a moment, you think the driver is mistaking you for someone else. 

But then the diver’s door opens and Jungkook comes out, wearing a black buttoned down with a pair of ripped jeans. 

Your eyes are now the size of saucers. 

You once gulp as you see Jungkook smiling brightly at you. 

“Hey baby. Sorry I’m late. Let’s go.” he says sweetly. And you wonder how good of an actor he is. 

“H-hi. It's okay. Yeah, let's go.” you reply in haste, trying to school your dumbfounded expression. 

You let him lead you inside the car with a hand on the small of you back. He lets every passerby see his face, under the street lights, as if he is very proud showing you off. 

Fake. It's fake. You remind yourself. 

“You know, you are a good actor.” you voice your thoughts once Jungkook settles inside the car, 

He chuckles, “yeah? Learned from Jin hyung. He used to be an acting major. Have been seeing him acting to be polite with his shareholders for all the years.” 

The fondness in his eyes at the mention of the other male is so clear. You can’t help but smile. You have perceived the same glow on Jin’s face too. 

“You two really adore each other, don’t you?” 

“Yeah. You can say that. I would be wandering around the streets of Busan if it wasn’t for him.” you hear the underlying darkness in his voice and decide to poke no further on this matter. 

“So, you are telling me that you made this story all by yourself? And this actually ended up making sense?” Jungkook is pointing at his phone, which has your colleague's insta post plastered on the screen. 

“I told you. I am good at my job. Moderating success stories is a part of our marketers’ job.” you shrug. Your shoulders are already a lot loose after a few drinks. 

Your head is on the cloud. 

You feel good. 

And Jungkook is being less cocky today, which is helping you relax even more. 

Jungkook hums, “Great. The act is going well so far.” 

Jungkook starts scrolling on his phone again, focusing on something very hard. After a moment of silence he says, “I won’t lie, we look good together.” 

There is a smug smile playing on his lips. 

You groan, “I thought you quit being cocky for this evening.” 

“Hey! I am not being cocky. Look at these photos.” he protests, poking his phone towards you. 

“I have seen those, Jungkook. And I don’t think I look good with you. You and I are totally two different individuals, from every single aspect. You match with someone like.. Like Kim Doona.” 

Jungkook’s eyes shut for a second, “there is no point of saying this now. I missed my shot with her because someone decided to barge in my perfectly comfortable and peaceful life.” 

“Wait. You had a thing for her?” you sit up straight on your chair. 

“I still do.” Jungkook empties his glass in a sip. 

You would have fought him and told him how you saved from a prolonged controversy, but you are feeling light-headed. You are feeling good. So you will be nice for just once. 

“Well… I am sorry then. I know how it feels to have an unrequited crush.” you sigh, recalling Yoongi’s pretty face, “sorry.” 

Jungkook seems to be caught off-guard with your changed demeanor. 

“It’s okay.” he adds, “you have a crush on that manager, don’t you?” 

The fuck? 

“How the fuck do you know this now?” your eyes go big for the second time today. 

“Come on, Y/N. Anyone with eyes can tell. The way you stiffed when he caught you and me at the parking lot.” he giggles. 

“Ok. That's enough. Let’s go home. I feel sleepy.” you stand abruptly from your chair, swaying a little (thanks to the alcohol in your bloodstream). 

Jungkook stands up too, wraps a hand around your bicep and mutters a small ‘careful’ in your ear.

“By the way… don’t you think you have to call a designated driver?” you ask on the way out of the bar. 

“Jin hyung has us covered.” he shrugs. 

On the way back home you look at the fleeting landscapes out of the car window. For some unknown reason… you feel upset. 

You had a pretty good evening. No matter how much you hate to admit it, Jungkook is a fun company. 

You two would bicker endlessly, then would slip into serious topics like economy and politics, and then all of a sudden you would talk about your favorite drinks. 

He really doesn’t seem like that Jungkook you used to dislike. 

But there is something that’s bothering you. And you can’t put a finger at it. 

The car comes to a stop in front of your apartment. You wave a quick goodbye to Jungkook, who has been busy on his phone all the way back, and climb out of the car. 

As you take small swaying steps towards your entrance, you hear the car door shutting loudly and then in turn Jungkook’s voice, “won’t you give me a goodnight kiss, girlfriend?”  

You don’t know what possessed you. It can be the alcohol, can be your bad judgment, can be the sinking feeling in your chest and the desperate need of feeling something, anything - that makes you turn around. 

You march towards Jungkook without thinking twice, standing chest to chest with him. 

All the mischief drains from his face when you grab him by the collar of his shirt and smash your lips on his. 

It should have been over in a second or two. 

But what's worse is that Jungkook is pulling you close by your waist and deepening the kiss already. 

Hope you don’t regret this when you are sober. 

There were twelve terms in your dating contract. 

You added one. 

And you breached that very one. 

The screen of your phone goes blank as you groan again for the nth time. Every time you open Instagram, all you see is you kissing Jungkook standing on the damn fucking road! 

You two were being followed by the paps that night, which was obviously a part of the plan, and you, being clearly too drunk to think straight, kissed Jeon Jungkook on his lips! 

And now those photos are circulating like wildfire. 

Jimin texted you, asking for a clarification. 

Seokjin texted with three teasing thumbs up. 

And Jungkook texted with probably a thousand of ‘ㅋ’s. 

All you want now is for the ground to split in half so that you can jump in there and die. That’s the best possible solution for whatever the fuck is going on in your pathetic excuse of a life. 

Your phone dings with another notification and you swear to turn it off if it’s another mention in another insta post or another threatening DM from Jungkook’s crazy fans. 

But it seems like the universe is trying to be even more cruel with you, because it’s a reminder of your schedule for the day - which is another date day with the root of your problems - Jeon Jungkook. 

And today, you will have to spend time at his home, click pretty selfies and photos together highlighting how domestic you two are and post those in social media from both ends. 

When you are about to go back groaning, you receive another notification. 

It’s a text from Seokjin, “the car will be there in an hour.” 

“Welcome to my home, girlfriend.” Jungkook grins stupidly as he spots you at his door. You really want to grab a frying pan and bang it on his stupidly round head. 

“Don’t call me that when there’s no one to hear.” you reply grumpily walking inside Jungkook’s luxurious apartment. 

You really want to know how much these influencers make monthly to afford an apartment like this. 

“I call you that for you to hear, baby.” His cheesy remarks are just too much to take, so you just roll your eyes at him. 

“Do you want anything? Tea? Coffee? Juice? Or maybe a kiss?” there he goes. 

This is what you were dreading! The moment you were sober enough to judge your actions, you knew Jungkook will be having a field day the moment he sees you. 

And here you go. 

But but but - you aren’t alone in this. You definitely kissed him first but he, too, kissed you back. So he needs to go down with you. 

“Oh why not, you definitely liked kissing me a little too much.” you bite back. But your words don't affect Jungkook at all. The smirk that he was sporting doesn’t go anywhere. It only grows more sinister. 

“Of course I did. Are you telling me you didn’t?” 

Now this is another thing that you were dreading to admit - that you actually enjoyed kissing him. His lips felt good on yours. 

But you have been trying to convince yourself that it’s because of the alcohol swimming in your veins, even though you know it’s nothing but an excuse. 

“Shut up!” you huff, hoping that Jungkook doesn’t notice the sudden rush of red on your cheeks, “let’s take some photos so that I can leave.” 

“What?” Jungkook is now genuinely confused and you can see it on his face, “Do you really want to leave? I thought we were cooking together? I decided to live stream it.” 

“Me and live stream? Are you kidding? There was no mention as such on the schedule plan?” you are sure all the colors of your face have drained with just one mention of a live stream. 

You hate being the center of attention. 

“Yeah but I improvised just as you did last day by kissing me.” Jungkook shrugs. 

Where the fuck is the frying pan? 

“Okay. I am leaving. Bye.” you haste towards the door. 

Jungkook giggles like a baby, grabbing your wrist and stopping you mid-tracks. 

“Okay okay. I am sorry. I promise not to tease you anymore if you say yes to the live stream.” 

“You promise?” you quirk an eyebrow facing him. 

“I promise.” 

You don’t even know if saying yes to Jungkook’s improvisation was a good idea or a bad one. 

There are reasons it’s both good and bad. 

Good because Jungkook is not teasing or unnecessarily being smug with you anymore. Bad because he is hovering way too close to your body for you to keep being sane. 

The kitchen is big enough, but half of the space is being used to put down cameras and a laptop. On top of that you two have to be crammed in a small space where both of your figures are being perfectly visible to the viewers. 

You are mostly quiet, playing your part, cooking as you are supposed to. 

But Jungkook is in his element. 

He is so natural in front of the cameras that it feels as if he was born to do so. 

Jungkook interacts with the viewers, reads their comments once in a while, smiles, laughs, and makes jokes. Under the light and darkness of the kitchen - he looks so youthful, so radiant that you feel a weird coil in your chest. 

Whenever he brushes past you, you get a whip of his perfume - an earthy, woody tone with a hint of citrus. 

His hair falls on his eyes - unmade - unlike all the other times you have seen him. 

This - whatever this is - you don’t like it. 

“Why is your girlfriend being so silent?” Jungkook reads a comment from the laptop. You pay half mind to him, occasionally smile a little. 

But within a moment, Jungkook slides behind you. 

He puts his big-ass hands on your waist, places his face on your shoulder and says, “baby, why are you being so silent?” 

If you are seeing things right then his lower lip juts out while he tries to coax an answer out of you. 

Your heart starts beating abnormally fast. 

“O-oh.. I- It’s my first time being in a live stream… so yeah.” you proceed to flip the omelet, focusing on the food and food only. 

“You guys heard that? She’s nervous. Don’t scare my girl away.” Jungkook fakes anger. 

You release the breath you were holding when he finally removes himself from you. 

You are now seriously afraid of the outcome of this fake dating contract of yours. 

“Hate to say this but” you take in a deep deep breath “this is actually very delicious. Good job." You point your chopsticks at the carbonara that Jungkook prepared. 

“Really?” he seems to be taken aback with your compliment “Thanks. Glad that you like it.” 

“By the way, you remember you have a shoot with us tomorrow, right?” you change the topic to a more serious one. 

“I do. Will your crush slash manager be there too?” his eyes stay boring in the carbonara. You honestly don’t know why Jungkook is curious about Yoongi all of a sudden. 

“Probably. Why though?” 

“Will try not to piss him off while acting.” he shrugs. 

You scoff at that “he won’t be pissed. He doesn’t reciprocate, you know.” 

“Are you sad about that?” Jungkook’s tone is a tad bit softer now. 

“Not really. It’s not that I am in love with him or something. It’s a stupid crush, and will go away with time.” 

“Have you ever tried asking him out?” 

“Not really.” 

“Then, have you ever asked him to hook up with you?” 

You choke on your omelet. 

“What- the fuck” you cough “no! Why would I ask him something like that?” 

“Why won’t you though? Don’t you want to have sex with him? I mean you like him, it’s only natural.” Jungkook explains matter-of-factly. 

“No. it’s not natural for me. I need to be at least friends with a person to have sex. And I am not friends with Yoongi. We barely even talk out of work.” 

“Oh.” Jungkook thinks for a moment “So that guy friend of yours - what was his name again… Jimin? Is he your…” 

“Oh my god, Jungkook! No! I am not currently sleeping with anyone. I have not had sex for like eighteen months.”  It's your frustration which is speaking now. 

“What? Wait! What are you? A nun?” Jungkook’s eyes go wide at your admission. 

Embarrassment eats you away, like you were eating the carbonara a few minutes ago, “I- I mean. I am not that horny.” 

“Then… Do you want to sleep with me?” 

At first you think you misheard it. So you stare at Jungkook with big eyes. 

His expression is rather serious and you hate how it affects you. 

“What did you just say?” you finally let your voice be heard. 

“You heard me.” 

“Jungkook, please stop kidding. This is not funny.”

“I am serious.” he sighs. 

“Look. I can’t go around and sleep for fun since we have an act going on here. You, too, seem like you need to blow off some steam. And honestly, tell me where is your benefit from all these? It’s your company that’s ripping the fruit, not you.” 

Jungkook’s words register in your brain. He makes perfect sense. You have no benefits whatsoever from all these. 

“It’s just an offer, you can decline it if you want but… we can- we can have some fun like adults. No one has to know, nothing will get fucked up since we are not even close to begin with.” Jungkook reasons. 

He is right. You have nothing to lose if things go down and this won’t be the first time having casual sex with someone you know. There is absolutely no risk, no feelings on the line. 

Should you really consider the idea? 

The scenes from that grainy video start clouding your brain. 

A tiny voice in your mind says, “why not?” 

“Then… Do you want to sleep with me?”

“It’s just an offer, you can decline it if you want but… we can- we can have some fun like adults. No one has to know, nothing will get fucked up since we are not even close to begin with.”

Jungkook’s words go round and round in your head. Things have been like that for the better part of the time following your departure from his apartment.

You don’t even know why are you thinking so much, you should have just bad-mouthed him, tell him to fuck off and go fuck himself but something has kept you from doing so. 

He was suggesting something genuinely and there was a point in his proposition. And above every logical expression - it’s true that you are touch-starved. It’s been way too long with you and your dildo only. You need a living object inside of you now. 

Also, Jeon Jungkook is just so hot and he fucks well - that much you know from that unsolicited video. So yeah… you could probably accept his proposal. 

The only thing that is keeping you from doing so is your heart. You don’t know what will you be left off with after you are done fucking with for five to six months. Getting attached to people easily is one of your biggest weaknesses. 

And getting attached to your fuck-buddies, that too to someone like Jungkook, won’t be too glorifying of a thing to do. 

A hand comes and sits on your shoulder blade, scaring you off of your own skin. 

You almost hit the intruder with your laptop. 

“Calm down, it’s just me.” Yoongi comes to your view. 

“Fuck! You scared me!” you finally calm down, put your laptop on the table as it was before. 

“Well it’s not my fault. My shoes were pretty loud against the floor you know? You were too lost in your head that you didn’t even hear me coming. What’s up?” He comes to sit down beside you - way too close to you. 

In other times you would start blushing right away but for some reasons, you don’t. 

And honestly you don’t even want to find out the reasons. 

“Nothing. Just rechecking the schedule and all.” you murmur, forcing your attention on the laptop screen. 

Yoongi hums, “Your boyfriend will come in time, right? Hope he is not one of those snobbish celebrity types.” 

Your boyfriend … The mention stirs something inside your heart. 

“He tends to get late but he is not snobbish.” you defend Jungkook and your actions shocks even you. 

“Oooohhhhh” Yoongi makes an amused noise “love really changes people, huh?” 

You don’t reply to him- everything is fake anyway. 

“There is a rumor going around that you two were acquaintances before? But you told me a completely different story. May I know what’s actually going on?” 

You sigh. You knew this was coming. And you prepared your answer. 

“Well, what I told you was right. But his agency urged me to make up those stories for, you know, reasons. So yeah that’s it. And I will trust you with this secret.” narrowing your eyes on him for the last part of the sentence, you emphasize your point. 

“Okay okay.” he heaves a laugh out of his chest. 

“But why is Min Yoongi suddenly so interested in my love story?” you are genuinely curious about his curiosity. He never pays any mind to any office gossip but now that it’s your turn he seems to be interested in every little detail. 

“Maybe I have reasons you don’t know?” he shrugs. 

When his words register in your mind your eyes widen. 

“W-what reasons Yoongi?” you finally voice seeing him getting up from the chair and heading towards the exit. 

“That’s useless now. Maybe I will tell you sometime in future, maybe I will never let you know.” his voice trails and then morphes into air as he leaves the room. 

Something sits in your chest uncomfortably. Is he hinting at something you wanted all along? Was this fake dating a mistake? Did it cost you something real? 

A migraine forms just before the shoot. 

“Annyoenghaseyo.” Jungkook greets the entire crew sweetly as he stands at the entrance of the studio. There are two other men with you, who are holding big bags, probably full of snacks and drinks. 

“I have brought some snacks for everyone. Since the shoot is going to take long, I hope you all have something to munch on. Also, hope you forgive me each time I make a mistake.” he flashes his bunny smile as he bows and gestures to his men to distribute the snacks. 

You can hear the crew oohing ahhing for his sweetness. You only roll your eyes - only if they know how big of an asshole he is.   

“Darling.” He comes close to you and stands before you, measures your expressions before enveloping you in a hug. 

Another round of oohhs and aahhs echoes in the studio. 

You fake the hug too. 

But obviously your body had to act weird around him. Your nipples pebble as his chest comes in contact with yours. 

You silently thank the pads of your bra. 

“Do I get an answer today?” he murmurs in your ear. His hot breath grazes your earlobes, erupting goosebumps all over your body. 

You clear your throat before pulling yourself out of his embrace.  

“Let’s get into work.” 

One credit you will give Jeon Jungkook is that he knows how to work. He is professional - nothing like what you expect from typical influencers. 

He reads the scripts attentively, takes suggestions from the PD-nim and the director, gives his input and doesn’t do re-takes after retakes. 

He makes things go smooth and easy and the shoot leads towards a culmination within the five hour mark. 

You need to update Yoongi about the shoot’s progress - so you take out your phone but just then, Yoongi walks in with another human being attached to his side. 

It’s Im Semi, Yoongi’s rumored girlfriend, also the heir of the company you work for. 

For most of the time you don’t pay any mind to her existence - that’s simply something having nothing to do with your business. 

But at times like this when she is attached to the man’s side, you supposedly have a crush on, you can’t quite ignore. 

Yoongi marches towards you, with that damned smile on his face. You force back a smile. 

Your mind reels back to Yoongi’s confusing words earlier. You must have made a mistake in analyzing. What a fool you are. 

“How’s everything going?” he questions. 

“Very well. Jungkook is doing a great job. In fact we are done with the shoot, they are only reviewing the shots now. As soon as that’s done, we can’t pack up for the day.” you keep your tone professional. 

“That’s great.” Yoongi chimes in, “You can clock out after this. Good job, Y/N.” 

“Thanks. Are you clocking out too?” you ask, eyeing Semi, who is busy staring at her phone. 

“Nah. I got a meeting.” Yoongi informs, “Gotta go back to the building. I can drop you on the nearest subway, if you want.” 

Semi’s head springs up as he regards Yoongi for a moment and then looks at you with a fake forced smile. 

You know she doesn’t like the idea. 

“It’s o-”

“Don’t worry, I will drop her.” Jungkook appears from nowhere and cuts you off. 

For the first time ever, you are actually grateful to him. 

“Ah yeah. He will drop me.” you shrug. 

“Cool. Should we go now, yoongi?” Semi speaks breaking the thin layer of tension that settled on the air. 

“Yeah. I guess. Bye. See you tomorrow.” Yoongi leaves you and Jungkook behind. 

“You okay?” Jungkook enquiries, once Yoongi is out of earshot. 

“Yeah, Fine. Are you done? Let’s go.” 

“So… I have thought about your proposal and it.. Doesn’t sound too bad.” Your eyes are downward, because if you are honest, then you are extremely coy right now and you don’t want Jungkook to witness that. 

You mulled for the entire ride back home. You thought and thought about what to say, how to say it. 

Now that Jungkook is standing before your apartment entrance, you took a chance of making it short. 

“Fuck really?” Jungkook sounds so shocked as if he didn’t expect you to say yes, “didn’t think you would accept it for real. But I am glad that you did.” 

You finally risk a glance at him. He is smiling. Your heart flips. You hate it. 

“So ah..” your ears must be red by now “do you- do you wanna come in?” you place your invitation. 

Jungkook’s smile vanishes. His face takes up a much darker expression. You know what it is. 

“I’d love to.” His voice dips an octave lower than the usual tone. 

 Now you gotta pray that you don’t regret this decision of yours. 

read the full series right away on Patreon!! (Start from part 8)

Permanent Taglist:

@phenomenalgirl9 @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @chimmisbae @i-have-no-life-charlie @mikrokookiex @jjk174 @lallataegi @savageyoongi @jwnghyuns @parapiop7 @futuristicenemychaos @armystay89 @ryryvna @purple-realms @mar-lo-pap @ssbb-22

Requested taglist:

@mageprincess7 @taekrve @ttanniett @elinaki92 @mysteriousgeminizone @miniesjams32

[00valentina-writes00]

nsfw alpahbet w/ ellie?

♡♥︎NSFW Alphabet – Ellie Williams♥︎♡

A = Aftercare

Ellie is clingy as hell after sex. Flushed cheeks, arms wrapped around you, burying her face in your chest as she catches her breath. She’ll mumble something soft like, “That was so fuckin’ good, babe.” Loves when you play with her hair or trace little circles on her back while she melts into you. If you get her water? She’s in love.

B = Body Part

On you? Your hands. She’s obsessed. The way they grip her hips, tug her closer, slide between her legs—she shudders thinking about it. On herself? Her thighs. She loves the way they tense up when she’s close, and she loves when you hold them apart just to tease her.

C = Cum

Ellie soaks through everything. Your fingers, your face, the sheets—she’s a mess. She gets embarrassed about it, hiding her face while mumbling, “Fuck, I made such a mess, didn’t I?” Loves when you run your fingers through it, teasing her about how wet she is.

D = Dirty Secret

She gets off on the thought of being recorded. She’d never actually ask, but the idea of watching herself get wrecked later makes her squirm. If you ever whisper, “Wish I could film how pretty you look right now,” she’s done for.

E = Experience

Ellie knows what she’s doing, but it’s more about instinct than skill. She’s a quick learner, picking up what you like fast. The first time? She was a nervous wreck, fumbling a little, but once she got into it? That natural desperation took over.

F = Favorite Position

Anything where she doesn’t have to do much work. Loves when you pin her wrists down, straddle her hips, and take what you want. She also loves laying back while you eat her out, thighs trembling, body arching into your mouth.

G = Goofy

Ellie can’t help but crack a joke. If she moans a little too loud, she’ll giggle and be like, “Damn, that was embarrassing.” But if you tell her to shut up and take it? She’s instantly back in the moment.

H = Hair

Definitely has a little bit of hair down there—she’s not super meticulous about it, but she keeps it tidy. A little scruffy, but soft. The first time you went down on her, she was worried about it, but when you moaned against her? Yeah, she stopped caring.

I = Intimacy

Depends on her mood. Sometimes she’s needy, whimpering, clutching at you, begging for more. Other times, she wants it desperate and messy, grip-tightening, nails-digging, teeth-clashing. Either way, it’s always intense.

J = Jack Off

Ellie masturbates a lot. She’s got zero self-control when it comes to thinking about you. If you leave for a few days? She’s in bed, hand between her legs, whispering your name. She won’t admit it, but if you ask her how many times she did it while you were gone? Her face goes red.

K = Kink

Loves being pinned down and controlled. Hand on her throat? She’s putty. Loves being teased until she’s a whimpering mess. Also? Overstimulation wrecks her. If you keep going after she’s come? She’s sobbing, trembling, begging for mercy.

L = Location

Loves anywhere private where she can be loud. She’s not great at being quiet, so a bedroom is best. But? If you pull her into an empty room, cover her mouth, and fuck her anyway? She’s ruined.

M = Motivation

Whisper in her ear. Say something filthy. Brush your fingers between her legs and act innocent. Tell her she’s yours, that she looks so good like this. That’s it. She’s gone.

N = No

Ellie isn’t into being too rough. She loves a little dominance, sure, but anything that feels degrading? Not for her. She also won’t fully dom. Ever. If you try to get her to? She’s laughing in your face.

O = Oral

Loves receiving. She gets so whiny when you eat her out, thighs twitching, hands gripping the sheets, whimpering your name. Tries to return the favor, but she’s way too eager, all sloppy tongue and muffled moans.

P = Pace

If she’s in charge? She’s slow, teasing, dragging it out. But if you’re in control? She’s squirming, gasping, begging for you to go faster.

Q = Quickie

She’s not against them, but she prefers taking her time. If you push her against the wall and slide your hand down her pants? She’s not complaining.

R = Risk

Ellie loves new things, but she gets shy about asking. If you introduce something new? She might tease you about it at first, but she’s secretly so into it.

S = Stamina

She comes quick, but she can go a few rounds. She’s so sensitive after her first orgasm, panting, thighs trembling—but if you tell her you’re not done? She’ll take it.

T = Toys

She pretends she doesn’t like toys. But the first time you used a vibrator on her? She was a mess within minutes, clutching the sheets, gasping your name. Now? She acts like she doesn’t need it, but the second you bring it out? She’s already spreading her legs.

U = Unfair

She loves teasing, but she hates being teased. If you edge her for too long? She’s whining, trembling, begging for you to let her come. She gets bratty about it, too—until you shut her up.

V = Volume

Ellie is so fucking loud. Whimpering, moaning, gasping your name like a prayer. Tries to bite her lip to stay quiet, but it never works.

W = Wild Card

She likes it when you tell her what to do. If you say, “Touch yourself for me,” and sit back to watch? Her whole body shudders. She’ll start slow, eyes locked onto yours, breath hitching every time you praise her.

X = X-ray

Ellie is pretty. Neatly trimmed hair, soft skin, slick and warm. She’s so sensitive, too—the second your tongue touches her, she’s already trembling.

Y = Yearning

Ellie’s sex drive is ridiculous. If you so much as look at her a certain way, she’s already squirming. If you ever tell her “You’re so needy, huh?” She gets so embarrassed—but she doesn’t deny it.

Z = Zzzz

After sex? She’s dead. She’ll mumble something sweet, press a lazy kiss to your shoulder, and pass the fuck out. If you try to wake her up? Good luck.

[contamination-zone]

warning im a yapper

hello ummm just wanted to say!!! i really like the dynamic you give fresh and nightmare/color with the whole “cat who goes to different houses to get fed twice” thing. nightmare and his weird cat that he has probably locked in a basement a few times. color and this guy he picked off the road because he looks weird and decided he can solve this mess. fresh does not have any strong personal feelings towards either of them.

i very much so like the comic thing where nightmare and ccino were talking about fresh and ccino thought he was a kitten cat,,, no he is not but he acts like one. “he keeps crawling on my lap” that is a grown man get him away!!!! he has a dog cage i think that he is put in sometimes for naughty behavior. he doesn’t really care because he’s allowed his gameboy though. do you think nightmare ever sprays him with water when he does something bad. and this is like a grown adult. what

maybe i just like the trope of dehumanization (bonus if with someone who’s weirdly chill with it like fresh) but whatever,,, your art!!!! it gives me life!!! i very much enjoy the pixely type style and how freak you draw fresh. he’s a fucking creature he is. something is wrong with that guy. and i love him soooo much. so creature. he’s the kind of guy to do that thing where you walk on all fours up the stairs.

AND the way you characterize him is!!!! so good!!!!!!!!! he is so fucked up and weird and terrible and manipulative!!!!!!! he takes advantage of others’ empathy and feelings because he has very little of it himself and whenever he does feel it he does not like it!!!!!!! he looks at a guy with a savior complex and goes yeah i can mentally fuck him up for the next seven months to get something cool i want. he’s just actually terrible and i love him for that.

i also!!! don’t know too much about CB but i feel that fresh’s dynamic with them (him?? i forgor) is very interesting from what i have seen!!!!!! and their shimeji is very cute i still need to download it but i like it a lot :3

OKAY UHHH BYE!!!!! I LIKE UR ART A LOT…… HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!!! 10/10 fresh posting on your blog love him a lot he is my wife (he feels nothing towards me)

THANK YOU!!! I see you mass reblog things sometimes it makes me giggle :-]

I yammer back...

Glad you like the dynamics haha X] Fresh having very little personal feelings about people is fun and interesting to me. As someone who has trouble connecting and low empathy, its nice to depict someone like me. [Guy interacting with people who are a Lot more invested than he is ghghg]

Fresh would only accept being put in the cage because he can teleport out. Anything like that is only for the Aesthetic, which I think Nightmare would still be down for. Shove that thang into some awful little crate, as a treat. [Honestly I think Fresh would like to get in some nice dog crate with a blankie. Small hide / den thing to nap in :-]]

ALSOOOO dehumanization and freak who doesn't mind is my favorite dynamic <333. Fresh doesn't mind because... he isn't a monster? or a human? And he doesn't have a human/monster centric view of the world. Being seen as a human/monster isn't in anyway important to him, because he doesn't seen it as better/worse. He is the way he is, why does it matter?

Its like, I don't think a cat has very strong opinions on the fact it isn't a man. I also think Fresh is incredibly self-centered and when he's on a high point, sees himself as above humans/monsters. Of course he's not seen as human, he's Fresh! he's a sick-nasty parasite! way cooler. [annnddd way cooler that he gets to eat dog-treats. heck yeah!!]

Also I drew up a little thing with CB and Fresh. Its ahh, I like them a lot I just get nervous speaking about them because its suuuch a oc & canon are besttties that it makes me feel a bit cringe... I also get nervous because CB and Fresh have a very, toxic?? friendship.

Fresh is very possessive and strange about it, because this is his Only friend and he has very dysregulated emotions. Not being able to feel positive emotions often makes it so when he does, he gets very odd about it. So its a lot of... trying to keep CB to himself, at the detriment to CB's goals and ambitions. [CB is trying to track his family down, and Fresh uh. knows. where they are. and is not telling him :-)]

I dunno I think Fresh being genuinely friends with someone but also an awful person about it is like, sorely missing from the fandom landscape. He's a bad person but bad people can still form meaningful relationships and!!! I think that should be explored :-]

[They do eventually get somewhere more healthy. As in, Fresh's whole Thing is revealed, a lot of shinanigans happen, CB lives with his family and Fresh and CB reconnect and become friends again, just with like. Fresh trying actively to do "good person things" to make sure CB's family doesn't shoo him off [I ADOREEE good actions for morally ambiguous reasons!!!], and CB with the understanding that his best friend is Kinda a Freak.]

[drdemonprince]

With regard to the recent ask about the semantic implication of "protect trans youth," I feel similarly ambivalent about the phrase "life-saving care." Yes, many of us do resort to suicide if we can't pursue transition, but why is that the standard? I have a history of suicidal thoughts, but I have never felt them in relation to my gender dysphoria. Should I have been denied transition care because I don't need it badly enough? The whole thing seems deeply transmedicalist.

oh yeah, that kind of rhetoric made it really hard for me to figure out i was trans in the first place, because i can endure a whole fucking lot (and am maybe ambiently suicidal all the time but in such a low grade way so as to not notice it or associate it with my dysphoria? hard to pin down the difference!) transness for me was about DESIRE and PLEASURE and LOOKING CUTE IN AN OUTFIT which are all feelings i can recognize more easily than like, not wanting to kill myself ever

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Complicated (Will Graham)

Description: Will loves Y/N who is cold towards everyone but opens up to him that is until Hannibal comes along

Warning: Smut

Word Count:1,908

Request:Can you write a will graham x fem!reader where reader is an fbi agent and is working in the case with will and will starts to fall in love with her since she ‘understands’ him but she’s quite cold towards everyone can you also make her one of the best agents and Hannibal becomes quite intrigued by her could you add in will and reader smut too pls❤️

Author’s note: kind of an x Hannibal story as well. Also I misread it and thought it said to add smut and then add Will I am sorry but I hope you like it!

She took off her gloves and put them in her pocket as her and Will checked out the body. “Looks dead to me.” She said in a plain voice but Will laughed. “Yeah he certainly does.” Jack put the best agents on the Chesapeake ripper case and all week they’ve been trying to find hints, clues, anything that would give away who it was.

Y/N sighed and looked at the poor guy’s neck. “He was strangled to death.” She said and he nodded, “His lower half is missing.” She nodded. “Way to point out the obvious.” She looks at him and he smiles. They sat there and investigated the upper half of this man. Y/N making jokes with a straight face and Will laughing and adding to the jokes. Y/N was cold and distant to a lot of people. She was very professional and one of the best agents in the FBI.

Will favored her over anyone and loved her jokes even though she never has a joking tone to her voice when she speaks. He could tell her anything and she never judged him and even on rare occasions she would share some things with him. She too had sleep problems and needed therapy. She could make him smile without even trying. He wanted to tell her so badly but decided that it wasn’t right. She was too professional; there was no way that she would date him. 

“You have a good night, Will Graham.” She tells him and he nods, “You as well, Y/N Y/L/N.” As she walked to her car she had a small smile on her face. Will had a huge smile as he got in his car and drove home for another restless night. 

Will should have told her how he felt but once Hannibal met her he had the feeling that Hannibal also liked her but Y/N didn’t seem interested in his company as a matter of fact Y/N didn’t seem to like him at all. “You need to leave, we are working on a case Dr.Lecter.” She told him without looking at him.

Will hid a smile as Hannibal looked surprised. Not many people talked to him like that but he wasn’t offended. He was intrigued and wanted to know more about her. “I was offering my help on the case.” “We don’t need it.” Will nodded at Y/N agreeing with her. “Well I will leave you two to it.” He said and left the room.

“You don’t like him very much do you?” He asked her. She shrugged, “I don’t like many people.” She told him and he felt that. Though he had his quirks with Hannibal the guy was smart. “He shows up and thinks he knows everything and that he could help.” Y/N says and Will looks at her a little surprised. “You aren’t interested in what he has to say?” He asked her. She shrugged, “Not really.” Hannibal felt the complete opposite about her. And the next day Will would be pondered with questions about her. 

“Y/N seems different.” He said to Will who was not happy about him taking interest in her. “Y/N doesn’t really like you Hannibal. I would give up now.” He told him and Hannibal looked offended. “She doesn’t even know me.” Though this was true Y/N didn’t care to get to know him at all. “She’s just like that.” Hannibal looked at him before standing up, “What makes you any different?” He asked Will. Will gave him a smile, “She likes me.” What does Will have that he doesn’t? 

Y/N rolled her eyes as Hannibal walked in her office with Will and Jack. She looked up and greeted ⅔ of them. Hannibal cleared his throat but she ignored him. “Y/N this is Hannibal. You may have already met him.” Y/N nodded and looked over at the man. “He is helping us on the case.” Will said, trying to hide his annoyance. “We don’t need help, we have got this.” Y/N told Jack. Will agreed but Jack didn’t care. Y/N tried to hide her eye roll but Will saw it and smiled at her. “I promise I won’t get in the way.” Hannibal said and Y/N looked at him. This was going to be so fun. 

Hannibal shared his thoughts on what he thought about the next person that was murdered. Y/N hated to admit it but he seemed to know what he was talking about. Maybe he should be in the FBI. “You are onto something Lecter.” Hannibal chuckled, “Did you just call me by my last name?” He asked with a smile.

She looked at him and shrugged, “You have been warming up to me.” He teases and she rolls her eyes. Will was the only person that she truly was comfortable around but after these past few weeks she had gotten closer to him. Will walked in and saw the smile on Hannibal’s face. He too has noticed that Y/N was warming up to Hannibal and he didn’t like it. Hannibal also could tell that Will was annoyed by it but that was more of a reason to do it.

They worked on the case and made up theories and thoughts until it was time to rest. Will left first no longer wanting to be in the room with Hannibal and his flirty comments towards Y/N. “What’s it going to take for you to let me make you dinner?” She looked over at him. 

She couldn’t say exactly how she got to this point. This wasn’t like her at all. She was eating the meal that Hannibal had made her and let herself go for once and now she was on the table that they just ate off of and Hannibal was thrusting into her. Her fingers dug into the table as he rocked her and the table. His large hands gripped her hips tight enough to leave bruises, not that either of them cared right now. Her lips were swollen from kissing and taking his dick into her mouth. She was loud but not extremely loud.

Hannibal had his hips angled to hit her sweet spot so she was moaning and whining for him. He looked down at her and noticed how beautiful she was and how amazing she felt. She whined his name weakly pulling him out of his thoughts and making him thrust faster. He wished Will was here, not to join but to see him fuck the woman of his dreams.

Will would hate it but Hannibal would love it. He wrapped a hand around her throat and groaned, “Are you going to cum for me?” She nodded and was breathless. “Cum for me. Cum all over my cock and scream.” He demanded and just from that it was so easy for her. She screamed his name as she came all over him. Her body shuddered and her hips stuttered as she felt the intensity of the orgasm flow through her body. The sight of her made Hannibal cum with a moan. 

The next day Will was supposed to have a session with Hannibal but Y/N was there for the case. Will had nearly walked in on them making out but Y/N stepped away before they could get caught. “What are you doing here?” Will asked her as he walked into Hannibal’s office. She held up the case file in her hand, “I believe I have the next lead.” She told him as she handed him the file. He took it but looked over at Hannibal, “We were supposed to have a session.” “Yes but Y/N said that this was important.” Will opened the file and looked through it.

Though he believed that the other man in the room had something to do with this he couldn’t shame Y/N’s effort. “So this is what we are working on today?” He asked them. Y/N nodded and sat in a chair, Will sat in the other one. He couldn’t shake off how weird it was that Y/N was in Hannibal’s house and in the office with the door closed. Come to think about it, Y/N never knew where Hannibal’s house even was…unless… He tried to ignore that thought but couldn’t.

Y/N would call him first about the case before showing Hannibal. Let alone tell him what the plan was today. He saw Hannibal not even paying attention but staring at her with hungry eyes. He had no doubt that they had slept together and maybe were about to before he came in. Anger and jealousy rose in him and he was going to confront her as soon as they left the house. 

“You slept with him didn’t you?” Was the first words out of Will’s mouth once they were outside Hannibal’s house. Y/N turned to look at him with surprise. Had it been that obvious? “What makes you say that?” She asked him. He shook his head with a scoff, “You so did. You would have straight up said No and you barely show emotions through your face.” She stared at him with a straight face as he ranted. “Why does it matter?” Will couldn’t believe she would even ask that.

He thought that they had something but was proven wrong with this Hannibal situation. “Y/N you can’t be that oblivious.” She knew that Will and her were very close and before Hannibal that was the person she was closest to. “You think he’s using me for something?” Yeah she was that oblivious. “I’m in love with you!” He yells at her and her eyes widen a little. “I love you and I thought that we had something or that was a possibility but you sleep with him? You hated him when you first met him.” This was all true and Y/N couldn’t help but look down at her feet in shame. This wasn’t like her at all and if she was to sleep with anyone it would be Will. She couldn’t believe herself.

“Will I-I don’t know what to say. It’s complicated.” She admits to him and he wants to laugh. He wants to laugh in her face because what was so complicated about it. He shakes his head, “Truth be told Y/N I think he’s the Chesapeake ripper.” He walks away to his car leaving her stunned. 

She couldn’t stop thinking about what Will said to her that night. She went back to being quiet during meetings and investigations and even cut ties with Hannibal. She knew that Will was smart but did she actually believe what he said? Hannibal, a killer? Hannibal was confused by her behavior. Maybe she regretted sleeping with him or maybe Will put things in her head about him. He couldn’t help but think that maybe Will was truly behind this. But she wasn’t speaking to him either. Actually she was avoiding them both.

But for different reasons. Will loves her and maybe she feels the same way back and Hannibal could be the killer that they are looking for. She sat in her bed staring at the pictures of all the bodies that they found. Could Hannibal actually be capable of doing all of this? She thought back to all he was saying about the killer and how he did seem to understand things even though he was a therapist. She reached for her phone and called Will, he answered and she sighed before talking, “So Hannibal’s the Chesapeake ripper.”

[bitch-i-migth-be]

I love your brain, please have a biscuit.

I kept thinking about the og baby a lot while I was writing that. Poor thing, just made up so he can die for the sake of the plot.

Also imposter syndrome.

In this case, for example, it would be interesting to see that even if Tim can relate to Kon- it’s not actually the same, because while Kon was made to replace Superman he never actually had to do it, he got to be his own person.

Tim doesn’t get that here.

He did replace someone. Even if that wasn’t the objective of his creation. He is actively living under the name of a dead boy (which later gets even worse after Jason dies and the whole Replacement Robin situation happens), . he didn’t get to be named by people that loves him or even choose one himself.

If anything the scientists who made him gave him some serial number and called it a day, because you know that cloning Danny isn’t easy, it got to have taken many many tries. Tim would be lucky if he doesn’t have it tattooed somewhere in his body like cattle, the GIW was interested in his biology not his aesthetics.

He didn’t have any other option or resources when the Drakes ‘took him in’, and by the time he could have actually done something about it he was already far too deep in his life as Tim Drake. Far too deep in the vigilante life, far too deep in a family and friends

Before becoming Robin, Tim didn’t think he would get that. He thought he would have to bide his time, be the Perfect Little Son he was purchased to be until he actually had a shot at disappearing with the minimum risk of being dragged back to the labs or the Drake’s;

Following the Dynamic Duo around was never supposed to be more than a pass time, and then maybe doing some wishful thinking about how maybe they could help him, and battling with himself about whether it was a good idea to drag them into his mess.

And then the Joker fucked it all up, his chance was gone and he had to step up before Batman managed to kill himself in his grief because no one else would do it.

Can you imagine if somewhere in his archives he actually has a file with a life he invented/built for himself before being Robin? a name he chose?? With so much care because this was supposed to actually be his. Maybe he still tweaks it up from time to time just because he can’t let the idea go, even now.

And if any of the bats ever finds it they would just think it’s another one of Tim’s alias, like Alvin Draper, and maybe they make fun of him because ‘some of those things are really cheesy, Timbo. how did you came up with that??’

And Tim just has to pretend that he is Fine TM ‘yeah, haha, laugh it up’ like it doesn’t hurt because what is he supposed to say at this point?

It was never supposed to get this far. He was not supposed to get attached, to have people he actually cared about and then lie, lie, lie. Not while he was still Tim.

He should have been gone by now, to have finally laid the memory of Timothy Jackson Drake to rest and become his own person.

But He doesn’t want to loose this. He is catastrophizing whenever he is not in deep denial about the situation but it doesn’t change the facts.

He got an actual life now, with family and friends like he always wanted.

But it’s still a fucking lie

In which Jack & Janet Drake manage to neglect their toddler to death and have to find a replacement before the police or, god forbid, the media tears them apart.

It’s a good thing the US Government is getting rid of the GIW’s highly immoral test subjects before the JL can crack down on them.

Ha. Jokes on you, Jason.  ‘Tim’ has always been the replacement.

[rafesweetie]

track viii. DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS! (feat. jj maybank and reader)

“ flashbacks waking me up, i get drunk but it’s not enough “

it’s a small town, you’re bound to run into jj. in fact, it happens a lot. it still hurts the same every time you make eye contact.

he broke up with you before he went to south america, claiming that he’s putting you through too much with his stupid adventures. he didn’t want you to have an emotional attachment to him, just in case something happened. a breakup couldn’t fix your feelings for him though, he was silly to think they’d just… disappear. you felt lonely without him, you missed him.

you had a nightmare one night — you’d had them a lot recently, actually. but this one was different. it started with the chandelier flickering in a dark prison cell, with no one around. beer bottles are scattered around you, empty ones. you’re the only person who could’ve drank them. you look around, then see him — jj. he’s staring at you through the bars, looking at your hands. only then do you glance down. small paper cuts. they’ve barely broken skin, but they sting. only then do sheets of paper appear floating beside you, personified, the paper that must’ve cut you. you look back at jj.

“jj? what’s happening?” you ask him.

he glances back up to your face. “you’ll be alright, it’s just a thousand cuts.”

you wake up in tears.

unfortunately, as mentioned earlier, you’re lonely. so the only person to call for comfort is jj, the only person who you ever truly felt comfortable with.

he answers, and you’re surprised you haven’t been blocked this whole time. “y/n?” he asks your name sleepily and confused, because you’ve woken him up. “what’s up?”

“nightmare,” you answer with a sniffle.

he tries to wake himself more. “what was it about?” you’re also surprised he’s instantly here for you.

“um, you,” you answer honestly. “well — mostly me, you were just… there, i dunno. and there were sheets of paper who were alive and cutting me, and you said i’d be alright— i’m sorry i woke you, it sounds dumb now that i’m saying it out loud.”

“yeah, uh — it kind of does,” he admits.

“… i miss you,” you say softly, out of nowhere.

there’s silence on the other end. “that why you called me? is this nightmare a lie?”

“don’t be mean. i don’t think i could make up personified paper, anyway,” you say softly.

“…shit,” he sighs, and you can tell he’s thinking. “i miss you too, okay? obviously i do.”

“so can we get back together?”

a breathless, sleepy chuckle from the other end. “straight to the point, huh? i don’t know, mama, what if we get back together, and i end up dying? would rather you say ‘my ex died’ than ‘my boyfriend died.’”

“you won’t die, thought you were done with the gold anyway, you found it,”

“m’just saying,”

“so you’ll be alright. jj, i’m dying over here, okay? i can’t pretend i’m okay, i’m not okay without you,”

you not being ‘okay’ gets him, because of course he still cares way too much about you. “i’ll come over tomorrow, to talk, okay?”

you know you’ll end up with your legs spread as you scream and confess how much you missed him, but you play along anyway. “okay, please do,”

“see you then,” then he hangs up.

you sleep peacefully for the rest of the night, knowing that you’ll be alright, the morning will come and he’ll be your baby again.

[star-fandoms]

LADS REDESIGNS!! + notes

Note: These are solely for fun, nothing wrong with the original designs and I still plan on drawing their original designs!

I used the Linkon Chibi Report cover because I couldn't be bothered to actually draw them all, my bad LMAO Here's the link to the Love and Deepspace twitter where I got it: https://x.com/Love_Deepspace

THE ART IS NOT MINE, JUST THE REDESIGNS!!(Which even then were highly inspired by the new Valentines cards!)

XAVIER

(His hair is 100% inspired by his "Deluded Fiction card.)

Uh but yeah, as for WHY I decided to go with this design, it has a bit to do with his lore. Please correct me if I get anything wrong, I'm not super aware of everything lore related(Esp not with Xavi's, too focused on Zayne and Caleb :,< )

But Xavier has been traveling for a while, and I think over time he would stop really caring about his appearance, more focused on defeating wanderers and trying to protect the mc.

I also feel like he'd eventually cut his hair again and brush it! So his longer hair is more so an early game thing lol

I also just love the idea of chronic bed head Xavier. Like I imagine his to be a still sleeper, but I think it'd be funny that no matter how still he sleeps, his hair just gets messy again LOL

I just felt like eyebags fit Xavier a lot. I also gave him a mole! I thought his face felt empty without a mole and for some reason I just keep thinking he has one and then I look at him and I'm shocked he doesn't have one LOL But I also think the whole "Your moles are where your lover kissed you most in your past life" soulmate thingy. I think it'd be cute if Daye(one of my mc's. But I think it'd be cute to see moles on where other's mc's kiss Xavier the most!) was a cheek kisser in every timeline.

I think it's like...pretty impossible for Xavier NOT to have a single scar, no matter how good he is right now. I honestly feel that way about most the men(Other then Zayne since he has scars) but like Xavi's a hunter and ur telling me I can't find a single scar on his body?? So I gave him one on his jaw and one on the corner of his mouth! There's multiple more scattered around his body as well!

Speaking of his body, I think he'd have a sleeper build LOL!! Just for those who don't know, a sleeper build is when someone doesn't look strong and doesn't have obvious muscle, but they're strong and the muscle is hidden. I mainly chose this cause of the name LOL

I also gave him heterochromia, I just thought it would look nice LOL

RAFAYEL

I made the tips of his fingers blue, I did think about red and I might try that honestly, but it's because he's a Lemurian. I wanted something kinda subtle to show that(Its not that subtle with Raf though since he's an artist and uses his hands LOL)

I did also give him longer hair and I wanted to keep it fluffy! I might also mess around with a bit more wavy hair! I also made one of his little side bangs just a bit longer for some asymmetry, I wanted to add hair clips but decided against actually drawing it in the end!

I also added a teal streak to his hair. I already like Raf's design so I wasn't really sure what to change, so this just seemed a little fun. I think its like a little artistic streak.

Raf does NOT have muscles, don't even play with me. No matter what the game shows, Raf will always be a little stick that I can pick up.

I also think that Raf might have a few tattoos! Not too many, I think he'd cry getting every tattoo cause it all hurts him. But I also think he would like to see his own body as kind of a canvas(This is also something that I do to myself and others. I love painting on myself and other people) That said I think after a while Raf probably decided against getting anymore tattoos and just doodles and paints on his body, he also likes that he gets to change it up more.

ZAYNE

okay...I prommy I wasn't going to originally give Zayne longer hair. I think the short and clean look suits Zayne and his personality well. But also...I think it's really fun to kind of imagine liking having long hair(A little throwback to "Master of Fate")

Anyways, Zayne with some of his hair tied back is WOOOOO MAMA!! I do wanna play around with a little ponytail too, which is what I think he'd actually do while performing surgeries.

I did give him eyebags as well. Bro works super late sometimes and struggles with nightmares and insomnia, yeah he has eyebags.

I didn't change too much about Zayne honestly. I was thinking about adding glasses permanently but also decided against that. Though I do really like Zayne in glasses so I wanna draw him in them more, I just also hate drawing glasses.

SYLUS

okay...most notably, Sylus has the longest hair! I don't know why but for some reason I always remembered his dragon form having long hair, which it literally doesn't. Anyways, long fluffy mullet Sylus supremacy idk. LOL

^ his hair also has a bit of a red gradient. I didn't want it to be too obvious, but his hair felt a little lacking without it!

Also I gave his arms a dark red gradient, I also think he'd have claws I just didn't draw them. These are also because...half dragon. I know they aren't the hands he had as a dragon, but I wanted them to be more human.

It's so subtle, but I gave him fangs.

I didn't even think about it but I might mess around with slightly pointed ears. a more subtle touch to show he's not human.

I did also think about giving him little horns and wings, but decided against that. I also decided again red streaks on his hair and landed on the gradient instead.

CALEB

Caleb is one of them I'm STICKING with long hair for. He looks so good with a mullet I feel like I belong in a psyche ward.

I gave him little white streaks in his hair, It's supposed to be heat damage but aesthetic from the ✨explosion✨ once again, not really meant to be realistic at all.

Its also so subtle, but I traced one of his pupils with red because I think it'd be even more tragic is Caleb had lost an eye and it got replaced with a mechanic one, like his arm. I think it'd be useful for scanning people and recording their actions too. And I think it'd also be tragic if his vision was warped from this eye, like it doesn't really view properly. I'd have to draw out what I mean eventually cause I don't think I'm making any sense.

i didn't do it but god, him having a little slit in his brow would be so good too, with like a little scar there.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my silly little redesigns! Once again the art I edited belongs to Love and Deepspace!

[vynxwave]

Share your thoughts on MegaSound? It was one of my first Transformers ships and even though it's not a rarepair or anything it's oddly less popular than I'd expect, and I don't see a lot of analysis of what their relationship is actually like in various canons

I'd love to! Yeah, finding out it's not as popular as I thought was surprising. With Soundwave often depicted as loyal to Megatron, I really would've thought it'd be more popular than it is. You're definitely right about there being a lack of analyses on their relationship, so I think I'll eventually make a post analyzing their relationship in various canons. For this post I'll be going over how I see MegaSound (and from what parts of canon I derive it from) and sharing thoughts about its (lack of) popularity/prevalence.

Here I'll note the basis of canon I ship them from across various continuities where they have a positive relationship*:

Megatron likes monologuing in Soundwave's presence and talking with him (Dreamwave Generation 1 (2002) #4, Megatron Origin #4, IDW Robots in Disguise (2012) #22, Prime). Considering Soundwave's continued steadfast loyalty, I'd reckon he likes hearing him talk/plan.

Soundwave is Megatron's confidant (War Within #2, Prime, IDW Robots in Disguise (2012) #17, IDW 2019)

The both care for each other's continued functioning (Soundwave does so consistently in loyalist depictions, and for Megatron it depends on the continuity/writer but is often true of him too (though, Soundwave doesn't get injured often); [specifics cited later in this post])

Soundwave's loyalty even extends to when Megatron loses his marbles (WFC: Kingdom E03, Galvatron in Sunbow G1 S3E14 & Headmasters E02 & E04), but his loyalty does not extend to Megatron defecting from the Decepticons (IDW Dark Cybertron, EarthSpark) due to Soundwave's loyalty to the Decepticon Cause.

Dreamwave Transformers: More Than Meets The Eye #6 Soundwave's character bio written from Megatron's perspective expressing his uncertainty of whether he can risk lending his trust and friendship to Soundwave is one of my favorite things with them.

(*this mostly excludes where Soundwave's characterized as a self-serving opportunist and where Megatron treats him as just another subordinate)

My MegaSound Thoughts

(Preface: Inspiration taken from all over, but classic Decepticon Cause and they're both as evil as typical. I ship them in various canons but here I describe a broad overview of ways I interpret this pairing and what aspects I'm interested in. I tried to avoid citing Soundwave's self-serving opportunistic depictions for the most part, but he often has a lot of character I like in them xD.)

For me their ship is built upon their longstanding mutual trust, respect, and reliability; especially compounded with the fact many of their comrades' loyalty is prone to wavering from time to time (whereas Soundwave has continuously stuck by his side). I also like to focus on Soundwave's staunch loyalty to and belief in Megatron and the Cause he embodies — and, importantly, Megatron's recognition of this.

For Megatron I like to think about what valuing someone in such a way means to a tyrant whose sights are set on control, destruction, and personal power.

I think Soundwave's competence, strength, devotion, skills, and intelligence would all be appealing to Megatron. Soundwave, with said qualities, has made himself indispensable to the Decepticons, and therefore indispensable to Megatron himself.

Perhaps one reason Megatron is drawn to Soundwave would be for the steadfast security he provides (compared to the unreliability/treachery of others).

Though, with Megatron being surrounded by the infighting/treachery of Decepticons, I think it would be natural for him to sometimes be uncertain of whether his closeness with Soundwave is as safe/secure as it seems (inspired by Dreamwave More Than Meets The Eye #6's Soundwave bio written from Megatron's perspective) due to how much sensitive information and vulnerability Soundwave's been trusted with. But any such feared betrayal would not come to pass, because Soundwave sides with him, including in his times of need.

All I've written so far assumes a wishy-washy loyalty in Megatron's other followers; for where he has other loyalists, perhaps Soundwave is just one of his oldest followers (Sunbow G1 "War Dawn", Dreamwave G1 (2004) #10, IDW 2019, Prime S1E26) and his loyalty is ultimately tried and true.

Time and time again, Soundwave is shown to care about Megatron's continued functioning/well-being (Sunbow G1 "MTMTE, Part 3" [Soundwave warning Megatron of Starscream's attack], Transformers: The Movie, War Within #6, Prime, All Hail Megatron #13, Fall of Cybertron [saddened at Megatron's death & later rebuilds him], Retribution ["And if it turned out he couldn’t save Megatron, Soundwave knew what his duty demanded. / Vengeance on everybody involved."], Transformers vs. The Terminator #2 [Soundwave repairs Megatron's optic], WFC: Kingdom E03).

In cases where Soundwave has been injured/killed, this has often been true of Megatron too (Transformers (2009) #17 [this & AHM #13 were both written by Costa — making this mutual care of each other's continued functioning intentional, I presume], Prime S2E14, Headmasters E02 & E04 if including Galvatron, WFC: Kingdom E03 [where Dinobot downs Soundwave then Megatron comes swinging]).

For Soundwave I first want to detail the basis of his character as I think it's important to recognize his beliefs and personality. His personality and how much is shown ultimately depends on the continuity and writer; and varies depending on if the writer favors the Marvel UK G1 Soundwave (self-serving opportunist) or the Sunbow G1 Soundwave (loyalist) depiction.

Soundwave believes himself to be superior to others (to other lifeforms, to Autobots, and even to fellow Decepticons) and it's not just a cool line, but an actual sentiment/belief he holds (Transformers: The Movie, Spotlight: Soundwave, Revolutionaries #3, Skybound Transformers #7, Animated S1E10 Sound and Fury), and it is continuously embodied in his actions and loyalty to the Decepticon Cause (conquest & domination). Following this, Megatron's ideals of Decepticon superiority must appeal to Soundwave greatly — as a result, their vision of the future and values are quite similar.

Soundwave has (well, if the continuity depicts it) a negative reputation among other Decepticons, with others actually being aware of his monitoring and subsequent reporting to Megatron (Prime S1E13 [among other episodes], implied in Robots in Disguise (2012) #11... I think, Earth Wars: Sea Phantom: "[...] The walls have audio receptors, if you know what I mean." / Coelagon: "Yeah, Soundwave has the place wired for sound.", Sunbow G1 "Countdown to Extinction" & "The Golden Lagoon"). Instead of such a reputation being a negative for Soundwave, it is something he has intentionally fostered for indirect power and control over the other Decepticons; and by doing this he's made Megatron hold him in high esteem (Prime, Dreamwave More Than Meets the Eye #6 [Soundwave's Bio], All Hail Megatron #10) and positioned himself securely in the Decepticon's upper ranks.

In line with his beliefs of superiority, Soundwave personality-wise is quite confident and secure. This is also true of his standing with Megatron (for reasons described above).

Following Soundwave's colder depictions, perhaps one of the bots he finds himself the most "warm" to or emotionally responsive to is Megatron, even if he may not express this the same way most others might (but I'd think Megatron would understand it, due to his perceptiveness and having known him a long time).

With Soundwave generally not being much of a conversationalist, I'd think Megatron easily makes up for this with all his talking and monologuing (they are so [eloquent] yapper x listener to me). Given Soundwave's continued loyalty, I'd like to think he quite likes hearing Megatron's voice and his ideas/plans; for Megatron I'd like to think he enjoys an intelligent and receptive audience and finds it in Soundwave (who gets to hear his words/plans unfiltered from the manipulative rhetoric he gives others), and likes Soundwave's encouragement and amoral pragmatism. As Megatron's confidant, Soundwave gets to hear him at his most honest (Dreamwave War Within #2, IDW Primacy #4, Prime).

I like to think about how them both being evil impacts what activities they find enjoyable. Moments in various canons that come to mind: All Hail Megatron #1 (where Megatron's like "Soundwave, if you will?" then >:D when Soundwave diverts the missiles), Prime S2E22 ("You should have seen Optimus Prime's face when his precious Star Saber shattered like glass [...]"), and Retribution Ch. 9 (where Soundwave really wants to show Megatron a playback of him and Ravage interrogating/torturing Decepticon traitor Axer for information that Megatron wanted). Could sharing the joy of violence be an evil love language xD?

For angst I think there's a lot of potential based in EarthSpark or Headmasters (the same is true of IDW 2005, though I won't be expanding on it here).

For EarthSpark there's S1E08 0:24 & 2:30 plus a sentence from the guidebook: "Soundwave believes that anyone who defects from the Decepticons is a traitor, and he considers Megatron the worst traitor of all!" Based on their interactions and dialogue (S1E08 Decoy "Don't make this personal, Soundwave." "It already is."), it's apparent that they used to be close before Megatron switched sides; and Soundwave's feelings impact Megatron a lot! Soundwave's recording calling out his hypocrisy invokes such a rage in him; and Soundwave calling him a traitor disheartens him, making him lower his cannon (and he would've been blasted had Optimus not intervened)!

For Headmasters Soundwave/Soundblaster would witness how much Galvatron differs from Megatron — how insane he's become, but also how distant he's become from him. (The Headmasters E04 & E10)

In general, I think there could be angst found in Megatron's favorite trope: getting put out of commission for a duration of time. Or, that trope could be bestowed upon Soundwave for a change xD (like in Transformers (2009) #17). Exploring the consequences of Megatron's hubris or lust for power could be fun too.

Favorite Moments in Various Canons

Dreamwave More Than Meets The Eye #6 Soundwave's bio:

[From the Datatracks of Megatron, Decepticon Leader] What is more valuable to a commander, loyalty or reliability? Loyalty is a luxury, but reliability is a necessity for effective military operations. Soundwave exemplifies the latter while projecting as much as the former as realistically possible. He is an indispensable lieutenant and a fierce warrior, with seemingly unshakeable loyalty to me and our cause. When I enter into combat with Soundwave beside me, I am assured that he will perform his role unerringly. I am, however, well aware of his blackmailing of other Decepticons and the fearsome retribution he takes on any who attempt cross him, safe in the knowledge that he is virtually untouchable in his current position. His flaunting of his role have caused many to turn against him, which has only strengthened his need for my favor and implicit protection. Thus far, Soundwave has been utterly faithful to my commands and risked his own life on my behalf several times. But is he only biding his time until his own power base is secure enough? Many great commanders have been undone by trust and friendship in the past… can I afford to extend these to even my most capable solider?

Dreamwave War Within #6 & Generation 1 (2004) #10 (Also, throughout Dreamwave's run Soundwave is actually visibly by Megatron's side, which I think is a pretty neat detail)

All Hail Megatron #13 & Transformers (2007) #17

I enjoyed their dynamic in IDW 2019 because of how visibly instrumental Soundwave is to the Decepticon's rise, and his subsequent importance to Megatron. (#5) (#16) (#26)

Soundwave's sheer nonchalance at getting yelled at/scolded by Megatron who was breaking things in rage (#11) was so funny to me... Soundwave knows he's too important.

In Fall of Cybertron (37:15) Soundwave reaches out sadly to Megatron's hand sticking out from beneath rubble (thanks to Megatron's hubris getting himself scrapped)

In WFC: Kingdom E03 Soundwave is concerned about Megatron and tries to caution/advise him, but it goes unheeded.

The Transformers (2003) PS2 Japan: nearly every time Soundwave and Megatron talk... ["Lord Megatron, I'm glad you're unharmed!], ["This is how a subordinate should behave!"], ["No, don't apologize. You are not to blame"], ["..."], ["high price"], [deferring to Soundwave's judgement]

I haven't actually watched Robots in Disguise (2015), but its portrayal of Soundwave's devoutness is pretty cool... specifically in S3E21 Collateral Damage what he says at the timestamp 5:49:

Soundwave: "[...] when [the transgalactic beacon generator is] activated at the highest point in the city it would transmit a signal strong enough to summon Megatron back to Earth." Sideswipe: "[...] but that much radiation won't just call Megatron it'll—" Soundwave: "—devastate the city, then spread to eradicate all life on Earth. Incidental collateral damage."

I don't know how to describe how much I love the coldness/callousness in his inconsideration for an entire planet, all for the sole purpose of getting Megatron back.

(Lack of) Popularity

I've thought about the reasons for the ship's lack of popularity/prevalence. The one that jumps out the most to me is that there's a lack of in-depth exploration into their relationship in canon despite their constant proximity and importance to each other — as in, plots hardly ever test/strain/strengthen their relationship (to elaborate, there's rarely tension between them, and when there is it's minor and carries no meaningful weight).

Well, IDW 2005 did do some things with their relationship, but it didn't feel as in-depth as other relationships because their backstory together (which occurred in phase 1 with Soundwave's self-serving opportunistic characterization) was recontextualized/retconned for phase 2's Decepticon Cause of equality origin and was there to ultimately serve their subsequent (and separate) becoming betterish arcs relevant to that origin, and then they never got a proper reconciliation together; post-Dark Cybertron Soundwave continued to keep Megatron in mind, whereas Megatron (iirc) doesn't ever think about him in any noteworthy way. (Elaboration/analysis of this will be in whenever I make that analysis post, although trying to analyze IDW 2005 is kind of a headache for me.)

Rarely does Megatron communicate how he feels about Soundwave to him beyond his usefulness/function (e.g. Megatron praising Soundwave in Prime and Sunbow G1). There's IDW Robots in Disguise (2012) #22 ("Ours, Soundwave. The world shall be ours." is a cool line that expresses Megatron wanting to conquer Cybertron with Soundwave, but this scene is a retcon & flashback — it only serves phase 2 Soundwave's arc in the present).

That's not to say Megatron never expresses any thoughts/feelings about Soundwave, of course (various episodes of Prime, Headmasters E02 ["Soundwave! NGHAAAHHHHH" — Galvatron after witnessing him explode], probably some moments from The Transformers (2003) PS2 Japan).

The most explicit of Megatron recognizing Soundwave's importance to him I can think of off of the top of my head is Primacy #2.

Obviously with this post, I think a lot about their relationship can be inferred from the way they interact and talk regardless of how much or little Megatron directly expresses to him. (With this post being for the purpose of shipping, all I mention here is through a shipping potential lens xD).

Perhaps another reason for this ship's lack of popularity, related to the first, is maybe Soundwave is broadly thought of as just a loyalist without knowledge of his other qualities and so people don't think it's interesting? (I could say more on this, but I'll end this post here.)

[theiceemperor]

To be honest I think it has something to do with his programming actually – and by that I mean the whole "built to protect" mentality.

Because "protecting those who cannot protect themselves" is actually a huge spectrum and can mean a lot of things. In all fairness, the ninja has been training for a long time, so in theory they can protect themselves – meaning Zane doesn't really see using them to achieve the goal as a bad thing. (As with the whole Snake Jaguar thing. Doing this to Cole and leaving him behind was not a cool move (pun intended) but at the same time, in theory Cole is able to take care of himself – and Zane did lead most of the gang away, after all.)

Back to the point I'm trying to make. The "protecting others" mentality and "the end justify the means" mentality don't clash; they complement each other. Because sacrificing someone (himself or others) actually can mean more people are safe than if they didn't go through with it. (As seen in s3; one life ended vs. tons of others. Also there's the fact that Zane can rebuild himself, and that the other ninja defied death so many times.)

Though I think that the origin of the "the ends justify the means" mentality might come from Dr. Julien, actually. And by that, I mean erasing Zane's memories when he [Dr. Julien] died. He thought he was doing something better for Zane but in doing so, he kinda "sacrificed" Zane in the process, because memories form personality.

So yeah. This mentality is far from healthy, and it is unexplored a lot. (Tbh I have many more thoughts about this (tied to Zane as Ice Emperor and after his return home) but that'd be sidetracking so that's for some other time.)

One thing I think is interesting about Zane that the fandom doesn’t talk about is his morality, specifically his “the ends justify the means” mindset

There are multiple times in canon where Zane is shown to be absolutely 100% down to throw himself or other people under the bus if it means that it will eventually lead to a better outcome for everyone. Obviously his sacrifice comes to mind but he’s also shown multiple times in both in and out of show that he’s willing to sacrifice his own friends as well if it means that he gets to find out who the quiet one is or something like that.

Even when he was the ice emperor, when Akita confronts him about freezing her people he responds by saying vex told him they were evil and cruel people. He still thinks he’s doing something right and that by getting rid of an entire group of people for the greater good that he’s improving the never realm. Which is something both vex and the staff take advantage of.

It’s a genuine flaw I think Zane has in his character and I’m ngl i kinda wanna see other characters call him out for how damaging that mindset could be. The closest we ever got was in s3 but even then he didn’t really change his mindset just the methods of which he achieves what he thinks is right. I want it to cause conflict with the other ninja who do have to deal with the fact Zane is always willing to put them down if he deems it needed. I think it would be interesting.

[takusan-no-ai]

What Doesn’t Kill You

PAIRING: Jean/Eula/Diluc/Peruere x Reader (Familia) (Male & Female Reader)

SUMMARY: Their child, (Y/N), wants to be stronger despite the circumstances.

Jean already had a hard time balancing her work schedule, what with Mondstadt citizens always needing her help, plus her being the acting grand master. Safe to say her life was swamped. Even more so after she had you, her child. The others pitched in more after Jean had you, wanting her to enjoy time with her baby more.

And you were a lot of work. Your weakened body led to Jean fussing over every minute detail. Slightly warmer? Checking for a fever. Feeling peckish? You’re clearly starving. So on and so forth, she was basically more than a mom. She was your doctor, teacher, and…your only real friend.

Being inside all day due to your sickness meant that you couldn’t play outside with the other kids. And your mother eventually went back to work, so now you were even more alone. But more than that, what hurt the most was feeling like such a burden. Jean was working thrice as hard just so she could come home to give you company. And that didn’t seem fair to you.

So everyday, when Jean would leave for work, you’d secretly train. Wanting to be more like your mother, you’d practice getting stronger, working harder, getting smarter. Everything. Ironically, you were already so much like her. Being a workaholic must have run in the genes.

A gasp stopped (Y/N) from finishing a pushup. Turning around, there stood Jean. Shocked to see her baby out of bed. Working out. She rushed over to (Y/N), looking all over. Obvious signs of fatigue, and marks all over the arms and legs. Yet there (Y/N) stood like it was nothing at all.

“Why…why are you forcing your body to endure this? You don’t have to—”

“Yes I do. I even want to. I want to be stronger. And I won’t let my body limit me.” (Y/N) stood up despite the obvious pain, looking straight into Jean’s eyes.

She gulped, shaking slightly. “But why?”

“It’s not fair for either of us if I remain so dependent. Eventually you’ll die. Or me. And neither of us will be happy with the regrets we’d both have.”

Jean fought back her tears.

“Mommy. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. And I want to be stronger for the both of us. So, will you train me? Please?” (Y/N) looked at her with glossy eyes.

Jean nodded. “Okay, sweetheart. Mommy will make sure you’re as strong as can be.”

Being Eula’s child wasn’t easy. In the plainest of words it was outright unfair. She was a good woman and a good mother. Her husband left her because, even after she’d warned him, the backlash of being married to a Lawrence was apparently too much. And now she’d look at you with that same pitiful smile.

She loves you, and takes care of you like you were all that mattered. But sometimes at night you would sneak around the house, and you would hear her crying to her friend, Amber. About how it wasn’t fair for you to be judged just because of her bloodline. She can take it, her family made sure of that. But could you? Could you handle the pure hatred in others eyes.

Those nights were always so shocking for you, no matter how much you’d seen them. Eula, the woman who could boldly declare vengeance against anyone, was afraid of her child not being able to handle it all. It angered you. Not because of what she thought, but because of the possibility of it being true. Could you? Your health was already in shambles physically. Could you really handle it all mentally? Emotionally?

But deep down you were always like your mother. And giving up simply wasn’t an option. Yeah, life is hard. More so for some than others. But if you don’t have the thick skin to take it then you’ll never make it. So right then that next day you told your mother that you demand she train you to be more like her, no matter what it may cost. Because you’re proud to be a Lawrence. And you’re proud to be her child.

Eula looked at (Y/N), a small smile finding its way onto her face. “Ha. What have I’ve been worrying about? A Lawrence never gives up!” She picked up (Y/N) and held her child tight.

“But know that on the day you do best me in a spar, I’ll seek vengeance.” She jested. (Y/N) giggled, a big smile on said face.

Eula walked towards her armory, grabbing out a small sword. She handed it to (Y/N), who struggled to hold up the weapon. “It’s my first sword from when I was little.”

Now crouching down in front of (Y/N), she patted her child on the head. “We start training first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll expect great things from you.”

“Of course, mother.” (Y/N) said with a newfound sense of pride.

Diluc never regretted being in the alcohol business, and he certainly didn’t regret it when he met the love of his life. But he was so quick to quitting when he had learnt of what she did; she drank, a lot, while pregnant with you. Your health was badly compromised as a result. And Diluc vowed to take care of you, safe from all that could hurt you.

Perhaps it was because of the betrayal in trust, or perhaps you had simply stolen his heart, but Diluc couldn’t help being overprotective of you. You were allowed to be with him at Angles Share; so long as you were right next to him and no one made so much as a mean look your way.

It was frustrating. You knew of your weaker body, and who had caused it. You also knew of your father’s sincere love for you. That he’d want nothing more than for you to be safe and happy. But it was overbearing, overwhelming, and just outright wrong. You needed to grow up. You need to face some hardships, anything!

But you couldn’t do much on your own. And Diluc would rather you not overexert yourself. So you turned to the one person who wouldn’t mind going behind your father’s back; your uncle. Kaeya, while hesitant, eventually agreed to help train you, if only so that you knew basic self defense. You finally had to opportunity to not just be stronger, but to be more like him. Your father. The man you look up to.

“Good job today, (Y/N). Tomorrow we’ll practice your endurance more; I noticed you can’t seem to fight for a long enough time.” Kaeya said while flipping his coin.

The young child was heaving heavily on the floor, looking up at Kaeya with a scowl. “You’re making sure of that. I said I wanted you to train me—not torture me!” Kaeya chuckled.

“Listen kid. I may be your uncle but I’m also Diluc’s brother. And as much as it entertains me that even his own child is as rebellious as we were way back when, If I’m going to go behind his back I might as well do a good job. Simply put: you’re not trying hard enough.”

(Y/N) coughed, finally having calmed down. (Y/N) stood and looked at Kaeya, sighing in discontent. “I’m trying my best—”

“And what if I told you your best wasn’t enough? The fact is that so long as you keep that guilt of hiding this from your father…well…you’ll just keep holding yourself back.”

(Y/N) remained silent.

Kaeya looked at (Y/N) one last time before sighing himself. He gave the kid a pat on the back. “Of course, a reason as strong as yours could potentially be all you need to improve. We’ll train some more tomorrow. For now, I’ll take you back home.”

(Y/N) finally smiled through an exhausted state.

Being Peruere’s biological child came with understanding the world from an entirely different perspective. Where others saw pure happiness or terror, you were given the simple truth: the world is nothing, but the people and creatures that plague it with insidious intentions are what you should circumspect.

She protected you from the dangers of the world through knowledge. Peruere kept you privy to the existence of the House of the Hearth, as well as her being a Harbinger. But she never allowed you to divulge in the same activities as them; nor was she ever going to make you a part of the “family”.

But you wanted nothing more than to be just like your mother. She was strong, smart, and her very presence demanded respect. Nobody could defeat your mother in a fight. And that was exactly what you wanted to be. Capable of defending those who can’t defend themselves. The old, the young, and the innocent. Even the guilty to an extent.

Sadly your body wasn’t made for battle. You were born weak, fragile, and could hardly move for long without becoming winded. It was because of your condition that Peruere was especially truthful about the world you’d grow up in. And why she refused to train you physically. That didn’t stop you though. Everyday you’d get up, against your mother’s wishes, and train little by little.

“(Y/N). It’s time for dinner.” Peruere called out for her child who stumbled towards the table. (Y/N) sat down with a whence, trying to hide the pain. All that secret training had its benefits and disadvantages; the biggest one being the pain afterwards.

Peruere eyed (Y/N) with a blank face. Her emotions, if she were feeling any in that moment, didn’t show themselves. She leaned forward with her arms crossed.

“If you’re going to train the least you could do is learn when to take a break. I believe I taught you that overexertion has the opposite effect of being productive.”

(Y/N) almost dropped the spoon, looking at her in shock. “So, you caught me red handed. I suppose I won’t be able to train anymore.” Downcast eyes turned away from her. The very sight caused her brows to twitch.

“Don’t look away from me…please. I’m your mother. It pains me when you’re upset. And I never said you couldn’t still train.”

(Y/N)’s eyes glowed as bright as the sun at those words.

“You’re still too fragile for any proper training. And I refuse to have you trained like me; Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet will train you. But only with what is necessary. If you…ever choose to get stronger than that…then you’ll have to train yourself.”

(Y/N) fought back the tears welling up and hugged Peruere.

“Thank you mommy.”

- Fin