#so why wouldn't i love them on someone else?

[teambyler]

El and Mike are in front of what symbolizes a bust-open CLOSET (And other Byler thoughts from the teaser)

Fisrt off, they are posing in front of what looks like an uninstalled door, which maybe closes/covers whatever they're sitting on. That's some obvious coming out of the closet symbolism, folks! In fact, the door has been BUST OFF ITS HINGES.

Now, I'm not a body language expert, but I definitely get a clear GUT REACTION when I look at this shot.

To me, El's hand on Mike's neck feels like "I understand" body language. Her focus isn't on closeness/intimacy/kissing, but keeping some arms-length distance because she's focused on maintaining eye contact, listening , showing him she's listening, providing support, and still showing she loves him deeply.

Meanwhile, Mike's hands are cupped together and below him, as if he's asking for forgiveness, and saying something he finds difficult to say.

So perhaps this is Mike after finding out about the Painting Lie (and how Will's lie evoked in him feelings for El that he now knows were misdirected). And Mike is explaining that he loves El but isn't IN love with El.

We cannot know for sure! (All the shots from the teaser were so quick and without context!) The one thing that's certain is that they are ACTUALLY having a heart-to-heart scene, which after s4 for Milev*ns feels like rain in the desert. (When there were 5 heart-to-heart scenes for Byler in s4 they certainly didn't see Byler endgame lol.)

Theoretically it could be a step forward for their romance, but all the set-up that we Bylers know about mean that it wouldn't actually make much sense. If the show stays true to these characters, the best Milev*ns can hope for is them taking a break.

And HELLO, out-of-the-closet symbolism!

Almost certainly a nightmare. And most definitely not Will's actual death. (Why would they spoil his death in a teaser? Like REALLY?)

But YES the Duffers making us think Will will die all season CONFIRMED.

Will seems to be deliberately closing his eyes. He doesn't seem to be possessed by someone else. This suggests he's consciously going into a mindspace, in order to use powers, or delving into his buried memories. Both possibilities suggest a possible supernatural arc for Will.

And he cried tears right before this shot. There are tear streaks on his face. =( Who knows what is prompting him to do this??

-teambyler

[backinmyphase]

You thought Satoru would have seen the divorce coming.

Your marriage was arranged, the two of you didn't share much and by all means you didn't see him at all because of his work. You slept in different rooms and didn't give in to the pressure of your clans for an heir.

Satoru wasn't a bad husband. He was just a stranger.

But you didn't blame him for freezing up at the sight of the divorce papers.

Because honestly? For you, divorce was social suicide. Your clan would never forgive you. If it was that easy, you wouldn't have had to marry him in the first place.

"What does this mean?" he just came back from work, earlier than usual, still in his sorcerer uniform. He took of his blindfold, his blue eyes inspecting the paper. His white hair fell in his face making you want to brush it behind his ear.

God, you hated yourself for this.

Satoru looked at you with these eyes and for the first time you saw actual hurt in them. There was none when you stopped him on your wedding night, telling him you weren't ready for sex, none when you slept in a different room.

Because he knew what this divorce meant for you. Dishonor to your family. Most likely getting disowned.

"I want a divorce, Satoru."

He went quiet again. His eyes going back to the paper.

To be honest, you never thought of divorcing him when you were newly wed. Not just because of the consequences but also because Satoru was never bad to you. He was even really kind for someone forced into this.

But then you saw her.

It was a usual Clan meeting with several little and big sorcerer clans. She stood close to him, he seemed more comfortable than he was ever with you. You didn't even know her name. Didn't know anything about how he felt towards her. But you saw the way they looked at each other. How she giggled at his words.

You didn't think Satoru was cheating on you. And that was the thing. With you in the picture he would never be able to get with who he really wants.

You couldn't stand a life with a man who would slowly start to despise you because you ruined his life.

"Why?" his voice was small, hoarse. He didn't look at you, his eyes onnly focused on the papers, on the word 'divorce'.

"It's for the best." you stood up to make yourself a cup of tea.

"For the best?!" a strained laugh left his lips. "What do you mean?"

"Please, Satoru." you tried to calm him but you saw him shaking his head.

"Stop it, I can demand an explanation when you are practically saying you would rather be disowned than be married to me. Just tell me what I did!" his voice got louder, making your frame flinch.

"Why does it matter?" the picture of her was in your head. You didn't know why.

"Why does it matter? Are you serious?"

"Yes, why?" you paused, scoffing. "It's not like we married because of love."

He went quiet after that.

No, you did know why you thought of her. Because you were jealous. Jealous, that another girl got to talk to Satoru Gojo more than his wife. Jealous and insecure because you did want to know him.

"Why are you saying that?" his voice hoarse and suddenly much closer to you.

"It's true. You don't love me so why stay married?" you muttered as you stirred the hot water.

"Stop saying that." his head dropped on your shoulder. "Please."

You froze. The feeling of his head overwhelming you.

"I know it's hard for you, I've met your family b-but-" a sniffle. "But I really am trying to make it work. I thought it was okay for you. I thought you were okay."

Satoru was crying.

Satoru was crying.

You kept silent, overwhelmed by his reaction, by everything right know.

"Please just tell me."

Silence.

"Is it because of my work?"

"No, it's not." your voice was muffled.

"Is it..." he paused. "Because you found someone else?"

Your eyes widened at his words, suddenly speechless.

"Is it? Is that why you are saying all that stuff? I understand, but please just be honest-"

You couldn't help it you started laughing. And you knew it was cruel, Satoru was crying on your shoulder, but the situation of him thinking you loved someone else was just so absurd to you.

"Me?" You shook your head softly your laughter suddenly dying. "No."

"Then what-?" he stepped back collapsing into a chair. "Please just tell me." he repeated his voice breaking at the end.

"It's just-" you sighed, trying to relax your suddenly stiff body. "I don't want to keep you away from your happiness."

"What?!" his voice was loud again, making you focus on your cup of tea again. After he saw you flinching again, he lowered his voice trying to stay calm. "What do you mean by that?"

"You know."

"I don't."

"That meeting a couple months ago, I saw."

"What did you see?"

"Saw how you looked at her."

God, you wanted to die. It was so hard to speak right now. Every word felt like torture.

"And I don't want to stand between the two of you, just because you were forced into this."

Satoru kept silent after that. You felt his gaze burning into your head as you looked down at your tea.

"So please, just get it over with." you sniffed. Shit, when did the tears come?

Satoru stood up again, making his way over to you. And as he stood there, looking too into your tea, his arms slowly wrapped around you.

"I don't even like her."

"What?" you looked up, his face was suddenly only a couple of breaths away.

"I don't. And if that's the reason why you want to divorce me, could you please talk to me before falling into a overthinking spiral? You're torturing me here."

You blinked at him, stunned by the realization.

"If you really are unhappy with me I would understand, I would prefer to fix things, but I would understand. But I won't divorce you because of your self sacrificing tendencies."

You blinked at him again, starting to blush out of embarrassment. Shit, was this a big misunderstanding?

"You sure you really don't like her?"

"Yeah. I've got another crush you know." he sighed, his voice still strained from the crying. "She is really pretty but really hard to figure out even though I'm married to her."

Now you really blushed, your eyes widening more than you thought was possible. "What?"

"Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing really." he took your cup of tea and placed it on the counter next to you, to pull you really into him. "I have this big crush on my wife, how do I tell her?"

You were malfunctioning as he layed his head on your shoulder again, this time not out of frustration but because of the desire to be as close as possible. His whole frame hugging you.

"She has this soothing voice and pretty smile, but I hardly get to see her and I don't want to make her uncomfortable."

"Satoru, what-"

"And she keeps this distance, I don't know what to do because I want to get to know her for real, you know? Want her to like me and you know."

You felt a soft smile.

"Want her to ask for cuddles when I get back from a long mission. Or even better a ki-"

"Satoru are you drunk?" you were red and hot, you felt it.

He was grinning as he looked up, but there was something so vulnerable in it. "No, I'm not. I just-"

He sighed. "I don't want a divorce. And maybe it's selfish of me, but I want to know you. And I want you to know me."

You held you breath after that. And after a bit of hesitation you did wrap your arms around him too.

"Me too."

His arms held you tighter after that. "You don't want a divorce?"

"You aren't divorcing me?"

"No."

Guess that divorce wasn't happening.

[zeropro]

Q&A Corner: Autobot Base

Wanted to try and clear some of my inbox before moving on to the next phase of the story. (long post warning)

It's gotta be Bumblebee, tho he and Wheeljack are chill. The Dinobots trust everyone inherently because they are the strongest and also a little stupid.

Jazz is like, just as cautious as Red Alert, but instead of getting anxious and paranoid he stays cool and relaxed about it. He's keeping just as close an eye on the Decepticons roaming the base as anyone, you just wouldn't know it if you didn't know Jazz. And everyone knows Jazz.

I get a lot of asks about random characters, and I cant really draw all of them, but I like the idea that Cosmos is chilling at some amusement park. Kinda like in EarthSpark, but like consensually haha. I bet he's great with kids.

They're divorced. Ratchet didn't approve of his malpractice and Pharma didnt approve of his personality.

No one will ever find out what happened between Starscream and Cryak if Starscream has any say in it. And he won't refuse a spark exam, it just gives him anxiety and he has a hard time with them. He'll do it but he might have to hold someone's hand.

I don't think it hurts to roll around in vehicle mode, but it's possible it hurts when transforming. Bumblebee can join the chronic pain gang.

Probably my fault, not my best writing if I have to be honest. The dialogue in that comic didn't quite get across what I wanted, I cringe a lot when I look back on it lmao;;; (Also yes best not to touch him or stand too close)

Well Bee is the Autobot leader and Starscream thinks himself the Decepticon leader, so it makes sense they'd work together. Prowl, Jazz, and Red Alert def notice something else going on there and are torn between wishing Bee would be just a little less trusting of the war criminal and hoping this is doing some good for Starscream.

I actually love when fics explore this. I don't think the Autobots are perfect or anything, I'm sure there is still animosity there for sure, but the leadership doesn't rely on fear to maintain power and I think the contrast wouldnt be lost on Starscream. If nothing else it puts into stark contrast just how far Megatron has fallen (heh heh).

Yeah Megatron isnt doing great after coming back online. I think the coneheads left specifically because he started taking it out on them in lieu of Starscream. I don't think anyone wants to be there anymore but it can be really hard to leave. Soundwave is still loyal, he can sense the nuance of what's going on inside Megatron and it makes it hard to turn his back on one of the most important people in his life.

I'm certainly going to try (it's a canon event!)

That would be so very cute, but it wouldn't happen haha.

Of course he misses them, but he's a big boy, he wont cry (maybe in his sleep).

They didn't know he was there. Fireflight got lost and they kinda just stumbled across Thundercracker's house while out looking for him and started bothering him.

I think we all could use a break and a nap mayhaps...

They barely know each other, like coworkers that work on different floors of the same office building.

I'm sure he knows there's a difference. Probably doesnt realize they're cats and not, idk, a bear or something. He didn't really pay attention to Earth creature taxonomy until very recently.

Sunstreaker doesnt feel bad about it because I dont think he had full intention of killing an unarmed incapacitated mech. He was more using intimidation to keep Skywarp from warping out and attacking him, he totally woulda killed him at that point, or at least tried to. Skywarp doesnt hold it against him tho, it was war, it happens, he prolly woulda killed him back if given the chance.

Skywarp also hasn't seen or spoken to Thundercracker since then. Skywarp was really really mad when Thundercracker originally defected from the Decepticons, and he doesn't really understand why Thundercracker wont talk to them. It's complicated. He also just hasn't really thought about going to see him. Keep in mind they've been with the Autobots for a little over a year, so not a very long time.

It's fun how many people were worried for Swindle. I can at least say he didn't really deserve it this time. Man's out here thriving under capitalism but Megatron needs his combiners.

Soundwave is of average size, Megatron is just huge! Soundwave and Starscream are the same size.

They didn't lose Soundwave, they know where he is. They can go visit him any time. And no one has to take care of them, they're full grown adults haha. Honestly, the Autobots are used to them spying on them in their walls, they're probably just like "at least they're running around out in the open where we can see them now."

I think the only other notable one is Defensor. I don't have any plans to include Defensor.

No thanks, that's weird. :P

Stay tuned!

[milkbean69]

(tw pregnant and smut mentions)

Can't stop thinking about Yandere Clark Kent with a breeding kink. But the thing is reader is already pregnant when she meets him. Either they work together at the Daily Planet or is a normal suvilian Superman ends up saving, perhaps a neightbor living in Clark's building or a teemate, Clark becomes obsessed. I'd assume reader is only a few months along, enought to show but not huge when their yet, you know.

Pregnat reader's partner has already left them, now deeming them only as the "shitty ex". You feel like you being watched constant, "I'm not going crazy, aren't I". Perhaps this pregnancy is taking a tool on you. But hey, at least you haven't been lonely. I mean a lovely man has been coming to practically take care of you. How ever he shows up either it be as Clark or Superman, he will dote on you.

" No ma'am, let me carry that", "You must be starvin darling, let me make you something" or "I bought you some food, your eating for two after all", " Now what did I tell you about doing any work while I'm around". This boy is practically driving you up the wall, but you don't really want him to leave. I mean after what happened to the last man in you life, him abandoning you would be another punch to the gut.

But you just can't shake there is something off with this one. Maybe its just the hormones messing with you mind. He feels too close to you, and ya'll only just met a while ago. Your honestly wating for the other shoe to drop. But everyone else says he so nice, you believe them, so you brush it off for now. It feels nice to have someone look after you.

Clark dosen't really know why his obsession with you is as bad as it is. I mean he knows why he likes you, but sitting in your room while you sleep, is something else entirely. He just needs to know that you and the baby are okay. I mean anyting could go wrong during pregnancy, he's read the articles, hell even wrote a few himself. But that's the thing, what he's doing make him feel like a perv.

You just make him feel so hot and bothered. He just can't stop starring at you and that little bundle of joy your carrying inside you. He is a family man, all of this has just spiraled our of control thats all. He was just checking up on you, then he saw how sad, scared, and alone you were, and it all went down hill from there. He needed to swoop in and save you because that's what does.

He likes to imagine it was him who knocked you up, and not that ex of your. God if he was here he doesn't know what he would do, I mean he wouldn't kill but how could someone be so stupid and leave an angle like you. And in you time of need, when you possibly at the most vulnerable, but don't worry he'll take care of you, always.

Clark can barely look at you for long with yout getting hard. Constantly shifting his pants so you don't see how you make him feel. He has to restrain himself from saying what he really wants to say when you cry about how ugly you feel from being this big. He thinks your ridiculous, you have never looked more beautiful in his eyes.

Thoughts of him towering over you as he spends hours and hours pumping his seed into you. Begging and screaming for him to put a baby into you, his baby, to desperatly make him a daddy. Oh but only a man can dream. The nights he spends imagining you two on the farm with a whole litter of kids runinng around, keep him fighting harder so he can come to see you sooner.

He just hope's he has everything prepared for the baby's arrival. Clark dosen't give a danm that the baby isn't his. I mean look who he is raised by, he would take in any kid without question as long as he could raise thim with you. Finding a place in the Metropolis countryside wasn't really that hard, he just hopes you and the baby like for when he brings you here.

Telling you is going to be the harder part, I mean you'll get over it everually right? I mean you can't really raise a baby in that small dingy aprartment anyway. A kid needs running room, a big o'l nice backyard to satisfy them to their hearts content. Clark will bring you after you have the baby as to not add to any stress during your pregnancy. This is good he thinks, he'll be the best dad and hopefully husband to the both of you.

[mattslilies]

Bed 35 - M.S.

"you have a new intake. he's in bed 35." or... a nurse!reader and street fighter!matt fic. the first time they meet! warnings: mentions of blood, injuries, hospital settings, physical violence. little bit of sad backstory. word count: 1.4k a/n: dividers by @bernardsbendystraws! new au lovelies enjoyyy. this fic may have some inaccuracies, i am not a healthcare worker!!

you sat behind the nurse's station, your head resting in your left hand as your right hand moved the mouse around, counting the amount of forms you still had to fill out for patients. you had upwards of thirty left, various updating forms, labs to send over, and even a few AMA forms.

you rolled your eyes at the latter. nothing bothered you more than people coming into a hospital wanting medical care, but then refusing medical advice. what was the point of even coming in then? you opened up the AMA forms first, wanting to get the people out of here as soon as possible if they were so insistent on leaving.

you hated when people left without the treatment that they so desperately needed, knowing they were likely to continue to get sick or injure themselves worse outside of a hospital. but at the same time, if they weren't going to accept your help, then they may as well leave so that someone who would could have the bed.

"yikes. that's a lot of paperwork still."

you rolled your eyes at the sound of your closest coworker's voice stating out the obvious on the computer monitor. you shook your head, a small smile escaping your lips as you turned to look at her.

"i know. and i'm supposed to be off in an hour, too. there's no way i'm gonna get through it all in time, but i feel awful leaving it all for the day shift."

she shrugged, her signature "whatever" look on her face.

"girl, they leave so much work for us to do at night, i wouldn't even feel bad about it."

unfortunately, you weren't that kind of person. your empathy and kindness was overwhelming, hence why you were in the profession that you were. not finishing your work and leaving it for someone else to handle, on top of their own rush and workload, was something that you just couldn't bring yourself to do.

"yeah, but you know me. i'm either gonna fly through it and get it all done, or i'll clock in for a bit of overtime and finish them a little later. i don't work tomorrow, so it's fine."

she shook her head, clearly not agreeing with your decision, but not setting out to stop you anyways.

"you're a better person than me."

you laughed, knowing she was a very good person, despite her tendency to leave twice the amount of work for the day shift as they left for the night shift.

the night shift was your favorite. you had always been a night owl, sleeping in late, staying up until the sunrise, whether you were out with friends, up doing homework, participating in one of your free time hobbies, or just scrolling on your phone.

now, you got to use that time to help people, which was one of the things you cared about the most. it pulled at your heartstrings when people came in during the night shift, often looking exhausted and in pain both from their injuries and the lack of sleep. sometimes people were alone because all of their family and friends were unreachable due to the time of night, so you were always attempting to fill the gaps, making sure that they didn't feel alone.

you were about a third of the way through your paperwork, having finished all of the AMA forms and currently working on chart updates when another one of your coworkers walked over to you, setting a clipboard down on the counter at your eye level.

"you have a new intake. he's in bed 35."

glancing at the clock, you groaned internally. you were getting tired, and you were supposed to be off of your shift in thirty minutes. regardless, you stood up, grabbing the clipboard and quickly reading over the chart. you stared at your coworker, a little bit of shock on your face as you read over this guy's extensive list of injuries.

"multiple stab wounds??"

he nodded, a suspicious look on his face.

"yeah. they're all superficial, none life-threatening, but he'll probably need stitches, is my guess. he's beat all to hell, and he won't explain how he got them. i'd be careful with that one, he may be involved in something."

you nodded, already giving this guy the benefit of the doubt. he may have just pissed off the wrong person, he may be afraid that telling what happened would get him into more trouble. there could be a million other explanations for why he was injured, and when you're working in this industry, you learn that assumptions often get you in more trouble than they're worth.

walking over to bed 35 and pushing back the curtain, you stepped into the small, cubicle-like area, looking back down at the chart for the man's name before looking up at him.

"so, mr... sturniolo, is it?"

when you didn't receive a verbal response, you looked up, and he nodded.

"did i say that right?"

you always made every effort to make your patients feel comfortable, which included things like making sure that their names were understood, and always spoken correctly. you never wanted someone to feel like they weren't important enough for you to do something so small for them.

he nodded at you again, and you took that as an affirmative yes. you pulled up the small rolling chair next to his bed, setting the clipboard on the table and quickly snapping on gloves.

"okay. your chart says you came in with multiple superficial stab wounds. is that correct?"

you could see cuts, bruises, and scars all over his face and legs. your coworker's statement of him being "beat all to hell" certainly rang true, but you didn't see anything emergency room worthy.

that was, until he pulled off his zip up, revealing his nearly bare chest and arms. there was a cut right above his ribs, deep enough to have bled through the makeshift bandages that he had fixed onto it. when you glanced over, there was another two on his left arm, messy gauze wrapped around them.

you let out a low whistle of surprise before grabbing a pair of medical scissors, sliding to the other side of the bed to take a look at his arm.

"alright. can i?"

your hands hovered over his skin, and you received a nod in response. however, that wouldn't hold up in court, so you asked again.

"sorry, but i need verbal and enthusiastic consent, or i can't do anything."

he coughed, clearing his throat before a deep "yes." escaped his lips.

you cut the bandages off of his arm in a few well-practiced slices, gently removing it as to not irritate the skin any more.

"doesn't look like anything crazy important got hit, but you're definitely gonna need stitches. how did this happen?"

he didn't seem like he wanted to talk much about it, but he knew he had to give some sort of answer, or you'd have to press him harder.

"got into a fight."

you nodded. that didn't imply anything necessarily awfully illegal, so you followed up with one simple question.

"i assume you don't want to press charges?"

he shook his head.

"no. i already handled it with the cops. just needed these cleaned up and fixed."

you nodded, grabbing some local anesthetic to numb the areas around the cuts.

"just a little pinch here, and then you shouldn't feel anything as i stitch them up."

he nodded, and didn't flinch as you injected the medicine around both cuts. giving it time to set, you moved over and did the same with the cut over his ribs. after a few moments, you gently prodded the area.

"does that hurt at all?"

he shook his head.

"no."

"perfect. i'm gonna start stitching these up. let me know if you feel any pain, i'll add more anesthetic to make sure you're not in any excessive hurt."

he let out a small, mocking laugh, and his eyes looked like he didn't mean to let it out.

"i don't think it'll hurt worse than getting them."

you shook your head.

"no, but still."

with that, silence fell in the bed as you worked, your skilled hands stitching up all three cuts within record time. you'd had years of practice, and your sutures were perfect, if you did say so yourself.

you didn't make much more conversation with him, picking up on the fact that he didn't want to talk much. most people who showed up on the night shift didn't, just wanting to go home and sleep. when you wrapped up, he looked it over, nodded, gave you a short "thank you", and headed up to check out.

you couldn't deny the fact that something in you wanted to know more about him, and how he got himself hurt.

[goobstars]

Hey I recently found this blog and I'm in LOVE with your Jax fics! it would be amazing if we could another one where there's already an established relationship between reader and Jax. I love this community and please remember to rest. 💜💜💜

𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

summary : despite the fact you both had been dating for quite a bit, jax questions how he managed to get you.

tags : established relationship, romance, and a little angst i guess.

note : i wasn't able to focus because my head was killing me, but i hope this was okay ! enjoy !

how did he manage to get you?

the question was one that crossed jax's mind constantly—like a broken record. as much as he wanted to silence the query, for he believed it was one of weakness, it never occurred. more than anything, it only grew louder with each attempt he made to ignore the question.

he let out a quiet sigh while he leaned his head against the armrest of the couch, and his eyes closed as his hands rested on his stomach.

the question had been one that appeared out of insecurity and disbelief, for the idea that you liked him back was one that just seemed surreal. you were practically the opposite of him, and everyone actually liked you due to the fact that you were friendly to them all, unlike him. you didn't push or taunt any of them.

you were adoring, and that terrified him for some reason.

were you just doing all of this lovey-dovey stuff because you felt too bad to say no to his confession? did you say yes because of his pitiful attempt to ask you out?

the questions were shut down as soon as he felt the armrest slightly shift, and he opened his eyes in confusion before being met with your gaze.

despite the fact you both had been dating for quite a bit, you still managed to make his heart skip a beat every time he even got a glance of you.

a lazy smirk crossed his face while you leaned over him with a smile, and he lifted a hand to poke the middle of your forehead. "you stalking me, dollface?"

"and if i am?"

he quietly chuckled as you swatted away his hand, and he placed it onto his chest as you spoke up once more. "are you okay?"

the question made him pause for a moment, for he considered informing you about his thoughts, but the idea was shoved away. you would view him as weak if he were to tell you, and he didn't want that.

"of course, i am! why wouldn't i be?"

your eyes gleamed in doubt at his statement, but instead of pushing the topic, you gave him a smile before leaning down to kiss his forehead. "if you say so. i'm going to go find the others, do you want to come with me?"

"and i have to deal with those losers? i'm good right here, dollface..." you playfully rolled your eyes at his words before patting the armrest, and you walked off to go track down the others. once you were decently far away, jax's smirk faltered while he let out a dramatic groan. his hands were placed over his eyes as he dragged them down his face.

why couldn't he just tell you? why did he have to assume all these idiotic questions, but refuse to get an actual answer for them?

he stared up at the ceiling before he let out a scoff, and he turned his head to the side as he attempted to see if you were still around.

unfortunately, you were not, and who knows how long you'd be out finding the others? they tended to scatter to do their own things when adventures weren't going on.

and that left him with nothing else to do.

eventually, he closed his eyes again in hopes that maybe something would come up—like caine announcing an adventure or whatnot—but that never happened.

instead, he fell asleep.

jax was unaware of how much time had passed before he groggily woke up, and while his eyes remained closed due to the bright light of the tent, he partially moved before freezing.

there was something beside him.

confusion filled his mind as he pondered what—or who—was now rested beside him. had someone possibly tossed something beside him to prank him when he woke up?

but as he peeked one eye open, he was only met with the sight of you.

your head was against his chest while your body shifted with each breath you took, and a grin crossed his face. when did you manage to do this? and how did you not wake him up?

he wasn't complaining, though.

he moved one of his arms to wrap around your shoulder as he slightly pulled you closer, and he froze once you squirmed a little bit. yet, as you settled down, he let out a breath of relief.

the last thing he wanted to do was wake you up.

he slightly looked around to make sure no one else was nearby, but instead of doing it out of fear someone would see you both, he did it because he was worried someone would wake you up.

the others weren't exactly quiet.

or maybe it was just him.

yeah, it was just him, but he still liked the idea that he was preventing you from being woken up.

after a thorough investigation of his surroundings, jax relaxed as he slowly started to caress your back. he was still fairly drowsy from his nap, and he wanted to go back to sleep, but what if someone came over and woke you both up?

he could just sneak into their room and trash it, now that he thought about it.

he was going to go back to sleep.

he closed his eyes once again, yet his hand never stopped moving. it just traced random patterns against the back of your shirt.

as you leaned against him more, his grin softened while he peered at you.

how did he manage to get you?

he didn't know, for all he knew was that he was just happy you chose him.

[kemptyrian]

I’m Not The Enemy

Lucy Bronze X Ona Batlle X USWNT Reader

Summary: USWNT goalie reader has found herself entangled with two of the best defenders she has laid her eyes on, but what happens when readers past trauma get the best of her. Will the three be able to overcome the hardships that seem to find them at every turn? Will reader and Ona be able to coexist at club level?

Warnings: Suggestive themes, Angst, Foul Language, Bad Mental Health and Self Deprecation. If I missed one please let me know!

This is Part 1 of a series me and my co-writer have been working on. If you have suggestions or anything let us know. Also thanks @daphwritesworld for being amazing!

Anything in Italics is Catalan or Spanish

Many people told you loving two people at the same time wouldn't be easy, but no one told you it would feel this lonely.

I met Lucy and Ona many times on the pitch. It was never a dull moment being a keeper and watching the defense players work their magic. I always noticed just how well they played, probably in a bit of a creepy way, but how can you not stare at beautiful women who seem to be effortlessly talented.

Ona and I got close playing at Manchester United, but never did we cross the line of friendship until after Lucy Staniforth’s wedding in Dec. 2022. That’s where things get blurry. I don’t truly know how it happened. One minute we are dancing the next Ona is whispering in my ear about just how amazing I looked. The passion I saw in her eyes made my stomach flutter because how could this perfect woman be looking at me like that. I also knew from watching her the whole night that she had eyes for a certain someone else. I wasn’t planning on being the fall back plan. One too many drinks and a dare together ended up with three of us in bed that night.

To say I was a coward for a bit after that was an understatement. The moment I woke up with Ona and The Lucy Bronze in my bed I bolted. I can’t explain why, but I never felt I deserved them both. How could these two women who hit it off instantly also want me.

I never saw the way Ona looked at me when I walked the other direction at trainings and avoided her as much as I could. She sure didn’t make it easy and neither did Staniforth. Lucy S. confronted me about how bad Ona was hurting after a particularly grueling training session. All I wanted was to do was be alone. The coaches were already on my back about my performances recently during training and in matches and were having talks of loaning me out if I couldn’t get myself together. Little did they know it was one of our players that kept me distracted.

The day of training was really like any other. Grueling keeper drills with the coaching staff kept me busy away from the rest of the girls for the majority of the day. When it came to scrimmaging at the end to see if we could incorporate everything we worked on throughout the day things really fell apart. Why did they have to put her on my team? I wouldn’t have lost my cool with all my defenders if it wasn’t for the fact I was on edge myself.

It was already 1-1 and my defenders weren’t talking to each other causing another ball to get past me. That was the final straw that broke the camels back as we say back home.

“What the hell was that! Sprint next time!” I shouted the second I got up from my unsuccessful dive to stop the ball. The sheepish looks they give me started to make my blood boil even more.

“How dull can you be to not have seen that run coming?” My voice only seems to strain the more I thought about how simple it should have been for them to halt the offense in their tracks, but also more than that I’m angry at myself for not saving the ball when I know I could have. I had been saving balls like that all day with the coaches. So why couldn’t I do it just now?

I feel my feet start to take me towards them but I’m stopped in my tracks by a firm grip on my shoulder. I quickly look at who has decided to put their hands on me when I come face to face with Lucy. How did she get to me so quickly and without me noticing her coming, but the look on her face makes my brain stop for a second.

“What the hell are you shouting at them like that for? We are all trying to make this work and if I’m being honest that was Lessi pulling off an amazing run and you know it so get your head out your ass!” Lucy says in a more exasperated tone than what I’m used to hearing from her.

The coaches whistle blast through the air and pulls my attention away for a second only for them to tell us that it was enough training for the day. I go to take a step away but her grip has not let up. I turn my attention towards her again only to see her watching the others leave the pitch.

Only when it's just the two of us does she look at me again. Her eyes soften just a tad bit but still are showing just how disappointed she is with me. I see her take a big breath and I know I’m in for it now.

“What has gotten into you lately? Ever since my wedding you have been shutting everyone out, and you are so angry all the time. Talk to me or if not me please talk to Ona. You guys used to be inseparable. She is always asking me how you're doing and I can't even give her an answer because you aren’t talking to anyone.” The desperation in her voice only grows as she speaks to me. I feel my body deflate at her words.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” I almost whisper as I look down to my cleats. I feel the walls that I have been building slowly falling apart.

“Don’t you dare push me away too. Just tell me what I can do to help.” She continues to plead with me.

“I fucked up okay! I slept with my best friend and The Lucy Bronze at your wedding! I ruined everything! I have no one left! You should be mad at me as well! I slept with your bridesmaid! Your friends! Our teammate.” I’m shouting now and have finally gotten loose of her grip. I don’t even realize I was crying until she is slowly bringing her hands to my face as if I’m a scared animal. Her thumbs wipe away my tears and she brings my eyeline down to meet hers.

“You haven’t messed up. If Ona is as worried about you as she seems then you just need to talk to her. I need you to take some deep breaths though before you pass out on me.” She is looking at me with such tenderness but the joking way she tells me to breathe makes me chuckle the slightest bit and makes my body relax more than I have since that night.

“Thank you. I know I’ve been a dick and I’m sorry.” I try to go about explaining myself more, but I feel myself being pulled into an unexpected hug.

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” She mumbles out. “But you stink and are sweaty so let's hit the locker room.” She adds with a chuckle as she lets me go and gives me a small shove. We walk towards the locker room and I feel my body finally release the tension that I had bottled up. Maybe I can fix things.

————

The derby’s were the hardest games yet. Watching the two women play on the same field was awe inspiring, but left me so distracted that it got me benched. To say I was not the same was an understatement. They were always on my mind, but I felt I couldn’t have them even after my talk with Staniforth. They seemed so happy talking after the match that I had to depart the field to the locker room before I made a fool of myself anymore than I thought I already had.

The disappointment of my performance was getting harder and harder to overcome. My thoughts had started to spiral as I made my way to my locker. I knew if I took an ice bath I could pull myself together a bit after that performance. The ice bath was my favorite choice of post match after care. No one seemed to like it much so I always found myself alone being able to reflect on the game.

I let my shorts fall to the floor exposing my favorite pair of compression shorts. I pull out my extra hair tie from my bag and throw my discarded shorts into it. I pull my jersey up closer to the band of my bra and tie it in front of me and tuck the back of my jersey into the bottom of my sports bra band. Nothing irritates me more than dealing with the extra soggy clothing after the ice bath.

The overthinking only comes to a halt when my body sinks into the tub, the icy waters clawing at my skin and ridding me of my worries. A sigh escapes my lips, frustration taking hold as my body relaxes.

I think back on the match, going over every play that could’ve gone differently. The crisp sting of the bath helps keep my nerves at bay, gnawing away at the aches and pains riddling my body. I let myself lean back, sinking further as my mind clears. My hands come up to run across my face, taking a second to rub the sleep from my eyes. I hadn’t even realized how tired I was till now– too caught up in the match, my feelings, and everything else swirling around in my mind.

I don’t just crave sleep, but real rest. For my mind, body, and soul. To truly be at peace with my career, myself and the two women who haven’t stopped plaguing my mind. It’s like they’re haunting me. I see them around every corner, in my dreams, and constantly popping up into my thoughts unprovoked. I must’ve been zoned out, too lost in the peace and quiet taking hold in my mind to notice the knock at the door, or it creaking open followed by a set of footsteps echoing through the room.

“Hey, you alright?” It’s a slightly accented voice I know far too well. A voice that’s tormented me recently…or at least one of them. I don’t raise my eyes from the ice bath in front of me. How can I look at her when I’m slowly falling apart?

Ona startles me even more by lightly grasping my chin between her fingers and making me look at her eyes for the first time since the wedding. Her eyes are deep pools of coco and are slightly squinted in worry. I can’t help but try to pull away but her grip gets more firm and my only option is to avert my eyes.

“Look at me… please let me in” she whispers into the room with such desperation. It brings fresh tears to my waterline. I did this to her. I made her feel this way.

I take a sharp intake of breath, grit my teeth and steel myself as I let my eyes drift back to hers. I don’t feel I deserve to be having this moment let alone with her looking at me with such softness after the pain I put her and Lucy through.

“You deserve better.” The words slipped out before I even planned on speaking. I watch as her eyebrows draw even closer together. Shit I shouldn’t be looking at her like this when she’s not mine.

“I don’t understand.” I barely hear the words. It’s like they weren’t meant for me to hear. “You left without a word and we woke up alone.” She speaks louder this time but I can hear her voice wobble. God how I missed the way she spoke. She was never confident with her English, but now it seems like she knows she has to get her point across.

I have to choke back the lump that has formed in my throat from those words. Maybe I was wrong and they did want me. No damn it get your shit together! I clear my throat to make sure my voice comes out strong.

“You know my past, Ona. I’m not worth the trouble for you or Lucy. Let’s just go back to how things were.” As I say this I shake my head a bit to emphasize my point which finally makes her let go of my chin.

“I can’t do that, and no can Lucy. You are lying to yourself if you think you can too, not after everything we’ve all been through.” She gets out after she has to compose herself a little. I know speaking in English right now is a struggle for her. I can see the hesitation in her eyes as she speaks.

“Then just forget about me! You have each other, why do you even bother with me?” I’m almost shouting because she is not listening. My past is the only thing running through my mind. I always get left behind or forgotten so I leave before they can.

“You know I can’t!” She grits out. I never expected anger to be the emotion that took hold of her. “You are digne!” This comes out in a louder tone than I've ever heard from her. (worthy)

“I don’t need pity…” I choke back on a sob that wants to bubble out of my throat. “Especially not from you.” I start to feel the beginnings of a panic attack and I know I have to get away before she has to help me through another one.

Hurt flashes across her face before she whispers the next words, soft enough to wrap around my heart and squeeze it till it stops beating. “It’s not pity, tu idiota. It’s love,” her voice cracks as tears start to well up into her eyes. “But I can’t force you to feel it back.” (you idiot)

It feels like my throat’s closing, battling away the tears that sting to come up and mirror her own. “It’s not about what I feel,” the Spaniard scoffs at that. “It’d never work out okay. So for all of our sakes just…let it go. Please.”

“You can’t even admit it to yourself, can you?” There’s a pain lingering under the rage in her eyes. I let out a frustrated sigh, “Admit what, Ona?”

“Que ens estimes,” my simple understanding of spanish can still pick up on what she says. “Just say it and I'll leave.” (That you love us.)

I can’t take it anymore and go to get out of the bath, but to my surprise as soon as I have stood up Ona’s eyes drop. Fuck! I’m half naked having an argument and about to drop into one of the most inconvenient panic attacks of my life.

Ona’s eyes widen, dropping to my exposed form before her. It has a blush rushing to coat her skin. Blossoming across her cheeks, nose, and tips of her ears. She looks pretty like this, just like when she’s laid out underneath me. All flushed and out of breath, heart beat blocking out any and all other sounds. I find myself smirking at just how affected my body makes her and find the panic easing. How can this woman make me feel this way?

I feel myself calming at the thought that I still have this effect on her. Maybe I was overthinking everything after all. Ona still has her eyes firmly planted on the water drops rolling down my toned stomach and I know exactly where her mind has wandered off to.

“Ona.” I try to catch her attention, but have no such luck.

“Oni!” I say a bit louder and still nothing. That’s it. I place my hooked pointer finger under her chin and force her to look up at me.

“My eyes are up here pretty girl.” My smirk deepens along with my voice as I end up purring out the last bit. I knew how to keep her attention on me, and somehow she has helped me come back from the brink of panic without doing much.

Her sight flickers up to meet my own, that familiar hazy glaze cast over her eyes. She’s so soft spoken as she breathes out her next words, a smirk every so slightly pulling at her lips. “I know. M’agrada la vista.” (I like the view)

“I know you do Oni, but you can’t get lost like that when we are talking.” It takes everything in me to not bring her lips to mine. I keep my eyes firmly on hers as I watch her slowly come back from the memories. I know how she’s feeling. I can still picture those special moments from that night. They never leave me but to see they are still affecting her the same way they do me tells me so much.

She huffs out at that, a pout gracing her lips. “But we weren’t talking,” her eyebrows knit together. “We were arguing.”

I can’t take it anymore and smooth the creased skin between her brows with my thumb. Her hands find my arm, caressing it so lightly– like she’s scared I’ll disappear again. I lean in towards her, resting our foreheads together as my hands move to cup her face. I feel her relax against me, content to just exist in this moment for as long as permitted. “Okay,” my voice is so soft I barely recognize it. “You’re right.”

“Sempre tinc raó,” she scolds me. But there’s no real bite to her tone. (I’m always right) I can’t argue with that, when it comes to Ona…she’s very rarely wrong. As infuriating as it may be at times…I wouldn’t change it for the world. That mouth of hers, so quick to tear into you when provoked enough. She’s sweet and sharp all in one, layers I’ve seen peeled back and laid bare. I didn’t even realize how close we are, at least not until I feel her breath brushing along my cheeks and dusting my eyelashes. It tickles a little, a small chuckle escaping my lips. That has Ona sending a small slap to my arm, a playful look overtaking her features as she pulls back enough to study my face. “And what’s so funny, huh?”

She’s so close now, an inch of space separating us. I can feel where her breath’s shifted to blow against my lips, so close yet so far. I can still feel her— taste her on my tongue. Her gaze floats between my eyes and my mouth, and I can see the gears turning in her head. I can see the hesitation, the uncertainty. She’s scared…and she has every right to be. But that doesn’t stop me from slowly leaning in, testing the waters as our lips brush against each other. We stay like that for a while. Breathing each other in, finding comfort in the intimate ambiance we’re building.

But then it all comes crashing down. The serenity surrounding us shatters with the screech of a ringtone echoing out. It pierces through the room, bouncing off the tiled walls that hold the secrets we’re both too scared to speak. We jump away from the embrace, the crisp air smacking me like a ton of bricks when the warm weight of her body leaves mine. It pulls and tugs at my insides, strangling my heart as I wrestle my emotions down into my stomach. They claw and scratch like bile burning up my throat, trying to find a way out as I swallow them back down. I’m only pulled away from my thoughts by the sound of her voice, “It’s Lucy.” And I know exactly which one she means just from the way she says it— like a whisper of a prayer.

“Go ahead. I’m finishing up anyways, I’ll get out of your hair.” I don’t even give her time to respond, legs moving to climb out of the tub and rushing off before her mind can catch up with my departure. The air in my lungs burns, my body begging for me to stay despite my head telling me something different.

And my heart? I’ve learned to tune it out at this point. Never letting it hope, dream, or want. At least I tried, you know what they say. The heart wants what it wants, but I’ll keep ignoring it. I’m quick to throw on some new clothes, chucking my wet ones into my duffel bag before zipping it up and fleeing the training grounds. My skin feels like it’s on fire as I think back on my interaction with Ona. How close she was, how we shared the same air. It has my head spinning in circles, searching for the right answer in a swarm of wrong ones.

[llamaisllama777]

The DAILY*/WEEKLY* LAES, FEMNAF, EAPS, AND TSAMS SHOW!

July 16th edition!

It's that fateful day again TSBS fans. July 16th. The dreadful day where Sun was possessed by BloodMoon and killed (6? 12 kids? I forgot how many?) And now that fateful day has returned again. Let's see how torturous today's episodes will be...

Oh... I was honestly expecting something much worse. So, Lunar and Earth do some digging and find an old recording of when Day, Night, and Andromeda first arrived at the Pizza-plex. Day seems super friendly, Andromeda is shy as heck, and Night... Night is super chill. He speaks in sign language so that's neat. We need more mute characters out there that use sign language cause I don't know to many.

We see the earliest days of the plex and we see Milly (<- What I call the new LAES Monty) actually being a decent person.

The whole episode is just showing how they all met the gang. Lunar and Earth don't find anything interesting about them, but they do want to start asking questions to everyone cause everyone seems to be trying to forget that Day and Night even happened.

That's not healthy. They're trying to escape the past when the past is ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL THEM! Andromeda has an excuse on why she doesn't wanna talk about it cause she loved Day and Night and now they're psychopathic serial killers. She gets to stay silent. She lost her loves. But Roxas, Chico, and maybe Bonnie someone needs to start spilling here! Someone needs to tell them something! Anything at this point! Also Earth and Lunar have golden statue in the Pizza-plex now. It looks adorable! I love the custom model they have for it.

(How did they even make that? I wanna know cause I think that whole map is custom made)

This episode was surprisingly nice. I was expecting some twist at the end with a shot of past Day and Night petting Andromeda's hair as she slept and discussing their evil plans revealing that like Day and Night were sleeper agents the whole time or something, but they didn't.

Huh. Maybe all the episodes will be chill today?

NOPE! Moonie's trauma is in full swing!

That's the July 16th I know.

So, this episode starts off with Sunny talking with some kids and Roxanne (So this episode must be in the past.) Moonie walks in and all seems normal at first until Moonie mentions she didn't do something that she was supposed to and Sunny flips the heck out! She starts swearing at Moonie and insulting her which surprises everyone.

The episode goes on as normal for a bit till Sunny flips out again and Moonie realizes that something is off. Sunny wouldn't act like that unless she had the aggression code which now resides in Clipsey. Moonie realizes this is all in her mind but Sunny nearly strangles Moonie to death.

Moonie wakes up in the daycare and real Sunny, Clipsey, and Freddie arrive to check on Moonie. Moonie lies and acts like everything is fine when it very clearly isn't! Sunny, Clipsey, and Freddie are starting to suspect something is up with Moonie, but she refuses to tell them what exactly is going on with her and truth be told I don't think Moonie knows herself.

Either Moonie's past is coming back to haunt her and she feels like she hasn't changed even though she has or something else is going on.

I'm loving this whole story arc with Moonie and her and Sunny trying to build up their own pizza-plex. I'm loving it so much!

So, we see Moonie's trauma. Who's next?

RURU! My favorite traumatized bot. Good to see you.

So, Ruin and Tiger Rock end up getting jumped by Mimic. How the heck did Afton find them? Who knows but that's seriously not good if Afton knows where they are.

Tiger Rock and Ruin get ready for a fight they will inevitably lose but then surprise guest star Solarflare comes to their rescue! Turns out Solarflare has been trying to find Ruin for the past month. Good on you, Flare.

So, Ruin and Tiger Rock escape. Solarflare injuries Mimic but Mimic escapes to and now they have nowhere else to go leaving one last option...

Eclipse and Puppet.

Time for a friend reunion. I wonder how they'll all react since he did kill Lefty before he left. I also wonder how everyone will react to Tiger Rock?

I want to see Roxy and Tiger Rock become friends. I want that badly.

Time for a reunion 🫂 and it couldn't be better timed since the show will be ending soon.

Now...

Onto the horrors...

What could Sun and Moon have cooking for us today...

I'm scared...

Oh..

Oh this is fine. 🤣

I want a roast for Monty, Moon, and Eclipse next. Heck, give us one for Turuas. I would pay to see that.

Great episodes guys!

11/10!

[julietcpulet]

I just had an interesting observation about Maomao. Though this was probably obvious all along and it took me light years to notice, I'm going to tell you anyway!

She is inconsistent with her excuses, especially regarding her and Jinshi's status difference. When it's convenient for her, she brings it up as a sort of shield to rationalize why their relationship could never be possible.

I was rereading some scenes in Volume 5, and Maomao has been treating Jinshi so familiarly, yet not once has she stopped to ask herself, "Is this disrespectful?" Considering she always loves to bring up how he's her superior and everything, I found this quite odd. And in the epilogue, as smart as she is, she should know that if she kissed him back, she would essentially be trapping herself to him (because he's the prince, and if you engage in acts of intimacy with someone of his status, wouldn't that mean he'd have no choice but to keep you? That's what I think an average prince would do in their time anyway).

But she knows who Jinshi is; she knows he would never. It's the fact that she felt secure enough to retaliate against someone of his status, not by kicking him and running away, but by kissing him back of all things? Only God knows the mental gymnastics that went on in her brain when she came to that conclusion.

I just find it so interesting that she only brings their status difference up when people try to shove their relationship in her face. But in close quarters, when it's just the two of them, she has no problems acting above her station and giving Jinshi, THE PRINCE, a piece of her mind. And again, never once questioning if her actions are disrespectful or not.

And the one time she does ask, it's in Volume 16. But what did she do? She held his hand! She wanted to seek comfort from him, so she went and held his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder, but then asks if what she was doing was disrespectful, like 😭 It's the cutest thing; how she's trying to understand and navigate her emotions.

Of course, I might be wrong since I haven't reread all the novels yet. I'm just going by memory, so please do correct me if I'm wrong!

I loved reading this, you’re 100% spot on in your analysis 👍

Overall we know three things that Maomao isn't: ignorant, docile or unwilling to confront people she believes are doing real wrong. We saw this with Shenmei when Maomao mouthed off to her after was about to hurt Kyou-u and the guard:

"Maomao doubted Shenmei cared about the reason - she just enjoyed tormenting people. Maomao wanted nothing more to do with her. But at the same time, people like Shinmei pissed her off. Maybe that's why she was speaking before she could stop herself. "You old witch."

She knew speaking out against Shenmei was stupid given what was likely to happen but she did it regardless because she felt the woman needed to have somebody correct her. And of course Shenmei was of higher status than Maomao but that doesn't factor into Maomao's willingness to say something to her, it's only that her actions are wrong.

So, in relation to Jinshi, if she saw anything he was doing as truly overstepping or as dangerous to her or anyone else, she'd have no problem speaking up about it if the moment called for it. Yet, she doesn't, which must say nothing between them has risen to the level of her being worried he is abusing his status against her or others. Like you said, in private she freely speaks her mind with him because she knows she can. There's truly no boundary between them except an imagined one put up only when it's convenient for her to put distance due to insecurity. Otherwise, her comfort at their familiarity is obvious.

Also, just because your analysis made me think of this connection, often when there's a reference to Jinshi's status or Maomao deigns to recognize his interest in her, she usually also demeans herself. In LN 5 when she’s surrounded by the women who are there as potential brides for Jinshi she describes herself like this:

“She looked like a stalk of shepherd’s purse among a field of roses and peonies. Just one thing helped calm her in this otherwise unfamiliar and unsuitable ensemble: a fine silver hair stick.”

She doesn’t get why she’d be amongst these kinds of women she sees as so different from herself and in a world she doesn’t feel she fits into. Funny enough her only comfort is the hair stick Jinshi gave her of the moon and poppy, a huge status symbol at the party that Maomao is the one in his favor. Even Rikuson knows that much when he decides to dance with her.

“The beautiful man at the center of it was looking directly at them. “Please remember that you aren’t a disinterested third party. Never forget the import of what you wear on your head.” Does he mean the hair stick?”

Then in LN 6 when she’s trying to rationalize Jinshi choosing her for marriage when he could have any number of other women:

“He’s got strange tastes, though... Surely Jinshi could have had his pick of beautiful, noble women. Who would choose a weed like wood sorrel when he was surrounded by peonies and roses? There must have been someone better suited to him than Maomao.”

This just keeps showing that Maomao doesn’t see herself as someone he should pick, regardless of whether she might want to be chosen or have feelings for Jinshi at all. Aside from the fact of whether they break status or she knows he doesn’t care that she’s not of noble birth, she simply can’t grasp that he likes her just as she is and has no interest in the trappings of courtly women who are only after his face and power.

Lastly in LN 8 when Jinshi pulls out the golden pearl and reveals it was a gift sent by a family proposing marriage to their daughter:

“You could probably count on one hand the number of people who could and would send the Emperor’s younger brother a massive pearl in hopes that he would marry their daughter. And if anyone with those sorts of resources is trying to forge a connection with Jinshi...”

We can almost read Maomao’s inferiority at knowing there is simply an impossibility that anyone of a lower status could find a way to give such a gift for marriage. That for Jinshi to marry is a big deal, his choice of wife of immense importance to the nation and that puts not only his life in danger for political manipulation but his wife as well.

Maomao continually lacks and evades the understanding that yes, being with and marrying Jinshi is a big deal but more so emotionally than it is in any other way because to finally admit she returns his feelings and would want to commit herself to him will be to make herself ultimately vulnerable. Not to mention that, if she’s honest, she knows that Jinshi cares nothing for pearls and gift arrangements and the like. He was upset that he lost in the Go match with Lakan in LN 8 likely because he wanted the favor from him to ask about marriage to Maomao (something even Maomao considers):

“She couldn’t help wondering why Jinshi was so desperate to win. What would have caused him to lay such elaborate plans? With the freak strategist involved, though... She suddenly got a very depressing idea.”

“Even if it did cause her to miss what Jinshi said next, a quiet murmur: “I never did earn that favor I wanted.”

So using his status is one of the last barriers she employs to separate them from reasonably being together. Once that has been mostly toppled by Jinshi’s efforts, as we have seen, Maomao’s true feelings emerge that she does want to pursue this life with Jinshi but fear and insecurity are often what keep her from voicing any desire to do so. As you so greatly explained this is what causes the inconsistency in her behavior. Her true want to pursue something with Jinshi warring with her inner self-doubt and past experiences.

So appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me! And again, stellar analysis 😄

[he4rken]

i loved ur little 1x with a hateful reader !!! but okay hear me out on this — 1x with a happypilled (super lovey dovey, loves everyone, positive 24/7) reader?? like an opposites attract thingy ???

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE CONFETTI?? | joyful reader

— Anon I like how you're thinking! All my anons/people in my inbox are so creative I love everyone's creativity (I thank everyone who wants me to write their asks... you guys are too sweet), I tried my best on formatting it in the same way as the previous ask.

WARNINGS: normal forsaken round stuff (implied murdering), 1x lowkey a hater towards reader (not poking at anyone, it's here only to keep it as close to canon as possible!)

All pronouns aside from it/its were used in this!

— Where can I even start? It's a miracle and I mean a real miracle 1x1x1x1 even got together with you! Putting it lightly that is.

— She doesn't hate you specifically, no, of course not! They aren't that low on getting together with someone they despise. It's really just... You're so positively disgusting. 1x1x1x1 fuels on negativity, so your positivity kinda just throws them off balance...? In the most nicest way possible, he just kind of hates your behavior.

— You guys are basically "someone will die." "—of fun!" In short terms.

— But honestly, 1x1x1x1 can handle your positivity! Otherwise they wouldn't have taken anything further with you if said otherwise. It's just too positive for her sometimes. She let's it slide cause that's his romantic partner! Anybody else doesn't get the same exception. Why? Cause they said so.

— No issues, maybe lots of hard feelings from his side but at least they're pushing through. They love you, that's positive enough..? Maybe they don't necessarily share the same overly enthusiastic affection you present towards her since I don't think they'd be "very touchy" as one would put it, but it's enough for you to know he loves you, that's all you need to know!

— Okay maybe they'll squeeze a little pat somewhere in if you do seem upset over 1x1x1x1 kinda leaning away from your affection, this doesn't mean anything though.

— They only get (surprisingly) more upset if they witness you displaying the same behavior towards other people. That's given considering how she knows you but... At least tone it down with others! Call it jealousy if you may since he won't be denying that claim either.

— For instance, if you were a survivor and 1x1x1x1 was the killer in the round. Sure, they'll spare you, they have no reason not to do so. But seeing you help the others, whether it be providing a medkit or a helping hand, especially Shedletsky, he's actually fuming specifically at that. You're helping SHEDLETSKY while she's right there? Unbelievable!! Your kindness is getting taken for granted, especially by him.

— 1x1x1x1 doesn't necessarily do anything, maybe he'll just stay and wait till you leave and end Shedletsky immediately or just chase after someone else, thing is that when she sees Shedletsky again it's over for him, they're not letting that slide.

— It's certainly a way to show they care without words since honestly? He's gonna sound condescending no matter what so the best way to (not really) show it is to keep anybody away during the round who 1x1x1x1 thinks will take your generosity for granted.

— Certainly worth it when you're all over him when you're the last man standing, quite the biggest ego boost he gets for a whole minute before either of you get separated again.

— Now if you were a killer, 1x1x1x1 doesn't really have high hopes. Majority of the time they do believe you're gonna spare every survivor when it's your turn. Which isn't far fetched, right? Majority of the time they're right! Other times it was reluctantly done so the round ends quicker. She does give you a pat on the back for that, you did what you were supposed to! You surprisingly got him impressed just a bit.

— Necessarily he does care less when it's with the other killers, at least that's what they're trying to convince herself with. You wanna be with c00lkidd? Fine! He's just a kid, what's he gonna do? You wanna be with Jason? Whatever. And the opinions go on for the rest on how she doesn't care at all.

— It's not like you're gonna be all over them like you are all over 1x1x1x1, right? That's the base thought he always has even with how openly you display your kindness to practically everybody. You'll only display way more towards her than anybody else.

— Massive ego boost whenever they think of that, all your kindness just goes towards himself, she's practically gloating inside her mind. But you don't need to know how your behavior is actually making them feel something close to positivity.

— It's a little secret you don't have to know about.

[renlyslittlerose]

Got a lot going on these last few... decades. But I refuse to be taken down by my ongoing frustrations, so I'm gonna tell y'all a cute story that happened yesterday.

My household and I have had the same downstairs tenants for decades. Emran has lived with us since... 1998? And his wife, Tife, moved in with us in 2013. Safe to say, they are part of the family. We trust them implicitly, and we share a lot of communal space with them.

When I adopted Hawke in 2019, they were really excited. Both love cats and had cats when they lived in Ethiopia, so they were really keen on having a visitor come down and see them now and again. Sadly, Hawke had other ideas. I dunno if it's because he was a covid kitty (covid kicked off only a few months after his adoption), or because he's always been an anti-social little beastie, but he never attached himself to anyone but myself and my father. Everyone else, no matter how many times he's met them, are Strangers, and Strangers must never be engaged with unless it's to stare at them warily just out of the corner of their eye.

Suffice to say, Hawke never visited Emran and Tife.

But then we got Quark! Quark loves people. He loves that they give him scritches, and they give him treats, and they pay attention to *him*. They help him maximize his profits! Why wouldn't he like them!

The second he discovered that there were more people in the basement, he invited himself inside. He, Emran, and Tife quickly bonded, and have a schedule that they adhere to most nights. As soon as one of them comes home from work, Quark shoots off to the basement and slips inside to hang out with them for twenty or so minutes. They pet him, brush him, give him a treat, before sending him on his way. When he returns upstairs, he's happy and sassy.

And Hawke has started to realize... maybe he was too discerning...

A few weeks ago, Emran came upstairs very excited and told me that Hawke *visited*. He came down with Quark, slunk into their suite, and kind of just... vibed. Awkwardly. He wouldn't let them touch him, but he'd just exist in the space without immediately bolting the second someone looked at him.

Since then, Hawke has been spotted going into the suite whenever Quark goes down. I never saw it myself, until yesterday. Quark immediately ran downstairs the moment Tife came home, but Hawke remained upstairs for a little while. When I went downstairs maybe five minutes later to grab something from the basement, I saw Hawke quietly sitting next to the shut door, looking up at it like maybe - just maybe - they'd sense his presence and allow him inside.

Of course, being a good mum, I knocked on the door. Emran proceeded to open it, with Quark in tow, and I asked Emran if Hawke could come inside. Hawke, of course, was very suspicious, but Emran left the door open and I wandered back upstairs.

Ten minutes later, both Hawke and Quark reappeared, the pair looking very happy and sassy.

:)

[steamberrystudio]

I hunger for angst. How would each of the WSC LIs act in a situation where they fell in love with Wil or realized they had - but Wil was already in a relationship with someone else on the ship? Which of them would be open to polyamory and which absolutely could not do it?

Okay so first. People who are open to poly relationships (potentially). I almost never say a hard no to things with characters (except with some really, really specific things) because every time I'm like like "No, I can't see that"...my brain comes up with a scenario where I could totally see it working out. So that's why none of the characters really have a *hard* no on a poly relationship...

Asher - Sure

Kav - Sure. Probably.

Noel - In most cases, he would say no. I mean it would really have to be the exact right people and events. But there are scenarios where I'm like "I can see it..."

Raif and Yren - Both probably no and both for the same reason. And it really comes down to their empathic ability and barely being able to manage a single person's emotions much less more than one.

Raif is a harder no than Yren though.

Daaz - Probably not. I meant there's a slim chance in there somewhere but not with another member of the main cast. He would just find it weird. But maybe with some third party person. Maybe they find another space wizard in a box. And then it's them, Wil, and Daaz. Idk.

Now...back around to their reaction if Wil ended up with someone else.

Asher: If Wil ended up with Daaz after Asher already caught real feelings for them...Asher would pine until they got back home, then throw himself into a fling that would not last but would make him feel better. With Yren, Raif, and Noel, he would pine less. It would hit him way harder for Wil to go after his surrogate brother than, like, Noel. With Noel, he'd just be like "Yeah...fair. I can't compete."

Asher is very much the sort to respectfully back down when it's clear he's not the one but if Wil and the other person encouraged him at all...he'd be into it. Except Daaz. He'd find that weird.

Daaz: Daaz is really perceptive so he'd most likely clue into Wil being attracted to someone else long before his interest developed past friendship and he'd most likely never get to the pining stage. Maybe a little but not angst-levels. Like with Asher, Daaz would find it hardest if he had feelings for Wil and Wil fell for Asher. And would find it much easier to move past if Wil fell for someone else.

Kav: With Kav - if he somehow fell in love with Wil from a distance while they were with someone else...he'd honestly avoid them. He's a coward that way. But if Wil and Kav and the other LI were stuck on a shuttle together for two days or something just the three of them. Ya know. Things could happen. Possibly. You never know. (They'd have to be stuck somewhere together because otherwise Kav is hiding in the bowels of the ship from Wil until they hit Pelmiri IV)

Noel: Noel would repeatedly tell himself it was for the best. Just constantly "Yes, this right. This is how it should be." - all while intensely and pining and drinking a lot of tea while staring out the mess hall windows at night. Which is probably why he'd crumble if Wil and the other person made any indication they wanted to be with Noel as well.

Especially Wil and Kav? Noel would crumble in 2 seconds. Maybe less.

Raif: Would be extremely pissy and would avoid Wil and the other person for a while. He falls fast and hard and it takes a while to get over it. He would not be angry AT Wil or other person - just himself. But it would probably be unpleasant for everyone but bravest of souls.

And he wouldn't really be open to a poly relationship.

Except that there are potentially situations where it could happen but it would definitely be...a sort of "we've fallen into this unexpected situation and it exploded" sort of thing. Especially if it was someone like Kav, whose emotions he cannot read. But it would be an 'in the moment' physical thing where they'd have to work out the actual emotional and relationship component after the fact. But he goes all in on things so it wouldn't be something he was willing to pretend was just a one-off thing. He doesn't really operate that way.

Yren: Would probably handle it best next to Daaz. He'd be genuinely happy for Wil and the melancholy over it would only hit him occasionally. Yren would be extremely hesitant toward any sort of actual invitation to join a poly relationship but with the right people who are very patient it could grow into something between him and two other people. Especially, again, someone like Kav, where he wouldn't get overwhelmed.

Honestly even someone like Noel because Noel is usually more of a calming force. But with someone emotionally overwhelming like Asher or Raif? Definitely not.

[auguryofjellyfish]

thoughts about the latest staffside thread

my thoughts on ophelienne have always been mixed. though, it wasn't ever really about whether it was right of moko to create her. i understand the value of fantasy against unchangeable circumstances. grief can be messy, and this is how moko has always coped with pain. i don't think she deserved to be condemned for that. (though, she didn't give us a fair choice...)

she was incredibly devastated, and she has even more right to grieve as hard as she does, because of her involvement and the fact she is there. but even though i think she deserves to soothe her own pain, there are still some things that don't sit right with me.

moko projected a lot of herself and her own pain onto ophelienne. there's a reason she was a mokosona, why she was created as her own individual instead of moko simply roleplaying wada like she did the other students. moko could relate heavily to wada's circumstances, of being powerless, trapped, alone, unloved, and she risked so much to help him in the killing game by saving his lily. it was clear that his death wasn't painful just because he was yet another person murdered by the killing game she helped create, but that it also hit her right where it hurts. it felt personal.

the issue, or just, what personally left a bad taste in my mouth, was that this projection made ophelienne act and talk in ways that wada just.. wouldn't. ophelienne cried out and displayed her pain in hopes of being comforted without reservations, she shared her emotions and thoughts freely, and gave herself into the hands of others, trusting that she won't be immediately shattered. something like that signals a certain amount of trust in the world. trust that if you express your pain, you will be heard, and you will be comforted. it's a soft quality. brings to mind a certain childishness, some naivete. wada himself stopped believing in being heard and comforted a long time ago, if he ever did believe it at all. he was withdrawn, self-contained, felt unworthy of getting help, and hated being a burden. he was sad, confused, and lost, and he expressed these feelings often, mostly to himself, but it never felt like he pitied himself. because wada never acted entitled, not to good treatment, not to love, not to anything.

another thing- ophelienne sought out, and accepted maternal affection, when i'm sure the words "mom" or "dad" would get stuck in wada's throat if he wanted to say them, even to the foster family that tried the most. and the biggest difference of all... ophelienne was a girl. she felt almost sweet in her misery, as precious and delicate as a dewdrop. beautiful and dainty. seeking out protection, comfort and love. and accepting them, if given. letting her hair be braided, letting others speak to her softly, rosset, with understanding, and godmother, with gentle affection.

she was an idealized version of wada. easy to love. easy to sympathize with. someone who could be protected and comforted, because she made it so easy and accessible. she reached out her arms, and there were arms that grabbed her in return.

maybe if wada was like her, he wouldn't have died. that's it. that's what stung me the most.

i understand. i sympathize a lot. i can't imagine being in moko's position, the enormity of her pain and guilt. i don't think she should be suffering 100% of the time. on one hand, she wanted to give wada what he lacked in life, beauty and love and gentleness, and to take comfort in that. a chance to vent his, and her own anguish at this tragedy and unfairness. she wasn't malicious, and there was nothing else she could have done for him at that point. but on the other... that's not wada. it will never be wada. wada's dead. and for how lovely she was, ophelienne barely even resembled him. she had some of his characteristics, his experiences imposed on her, but she was more like a vessel of pain made in his superficial image.

the real wada died, slowly, alone, his corpse unnoticed for weeks. and moko closed her eyes at him, replacing him with someone else.

it's not on her to provide that, but... no matter how painful it is to touch his existence, wada and who he got to be deserved to be that what was focused on, and not an ideal of him. a person he wasn't and will never be.

so... i'm glad this time, she didn't let ophelienne speak. instead she talked to wada directly, even if the words couldn't reach him anymore. she let them both rest. i'm really proud of her.

thank you, and goodbye, ophi. 🌺

[vyther16]

so i watched disney's ZOMBIES over the weekend (just the movies, not the animated show), and as someone who was never the target audience for these movies, i really enjoyed them! obviously my taste is subjective, but i found the songs great and the characters cute.

i've got fic ideas rotating, but i wanted to drop my liveblog in here so it doesn't get lost to the depths of discord and so that i can reference my thoughts and minor headcanons faster if/when i start writing fic.

note that i am a descendants girlie, so i make a lot of references and comparisons between the franchises (usually favored towards zombies). i had also seen z1 once back when it first came out, but nothing else.

anyway! enjoy the liveblog!

ZOMBIES

i forgot how ridiculous the cousin is

and the one zombie friend that only speaks "zombie"

also random logistics question. how big is seabrook and did the "normies" have more than one middle school or did bree move in from out of town or what

zed and addison really are cute

bonzo is my favorite tho i love him

all the fun stuff with lights in the choreo is great

zombies does have one up on descendants for actually having the main romantic couple have a duet. in a musical. crazy thought, i know

okay the narrative of the songs in zombies works a lot better than descendants. the reprises work narratively for everyone instead of just "if only" for mal

Seabrook also has one up on Auradon for breaking down the barrier in the first movie instead of waiting until the 3rd (tho it does mean they have to keep adding new groups of people in a way descendants didn't)

like. In Z1, "someday" is zed/Addison's song, but it is also about the broader plot and echoes through that in where they put it in the movie and where they put the reprise. But they do the same thing with "if only" for mal in descendants. However, that's the only song they use that way in descendants. In zombies, they also use the reprises of the opening song (today is my day? I missed the title of it) and of Zombieland to show the conclusion of the story

(I still really love descendants. This is all coming from a place of love for the franchise)

Rest of the movies are under the cut.

ZOMBIES 2

aww no tracey?

i also support bonzo joining the cheer team

why is the shrimp mascot driving in the mascot costume

this is the most ridiculous way to invite someone to prom i've ever seen

okay now i know why the mascot is driving in the costume. bc he can't fckn see. if he could fckn see, then they wouldn't have crashed into the forest

zed is so cute i love him

okay i like the wolves already

i also like that the leaders are a brother-sister duo, with the sister being the alpha and also darker than her brother, bc that so rarely happens

this poor principal. she's somehow both better and worse at it than fairy godmother

the football coach is literally the only adult in this town that i respect (except zed's dad)

okay zed buddy this is is opposite your motivation in the last movie and also wrong

like i get how he changed. i get why he changed. but still. buddy.

do not like the love triangle that's seemingly forming

yeah i don't like the direction they're going with zed in this movie but it 100% makes sense narratively and character-wise. just because i wish things would work out for them all the time with no bumps, that's not feasible. this conflict between them makes sense

okay i love wynter and her over-the-top-ness

oof rip zed's jealousy fucking him over here

okay the aceys suck but they can get it

bonzo and bree are cute together i support it

lmao shoutout to the seqel-bait at the end of z2

okay cute movie i enjoyed it. i liked the songs better in the first one but the narrative in this one worked really well as a follow-up to the first one

it followed through on the prejudice of the first one and showed a believable transformation in the characters as they move forward in life

oh also one gripe about z2 (and beyond). addison should have been able to keep the choppy haircut for her white hair. ik ik she's still trying to fit in and whatnot. she looked cute with the bob.

ZOMBIES 3

anyway time for z3. we're going full sci-fi with blue hair and everything

oh cute hair to start with. unfortunately i can guess she gets another magic makeover to end up with the blue hair from the promo pic

THE ACEYS GOT HELD BACK

it's addison and zed's senior year but the aceys are still on the team, and bucky is still school president. there is absolutely no way they were freshmen with zedison

i love wynter

bonzo's increasingly more convoluted instruments are the highlight of every movie

uh. tuba-trumpet-trombone-trumpet-trombone-brass amalgamation

also is this one doing immigration

see this would be a good way to shoehorn in immigration to the muddled metaphors of segregation, racism, and colonization but it is the third movie.

okay it is a little funny that the alien invasion has the same weight to them as getting into college

okay hmmm. a-spen and zedison should become poly

coach has a building now! i'm so proud of him

this wolf song is fun

a-li is great i love her. let her vaporize someone. i'm sure bucky would come back from it okay. he might learn something from it

shoutout to this whole town getting together to convince this college recruiter that he deserves to go to this one college. is there only one college in the world

okay i think a-spen should get everyone they want. them and willa would also be cute. a-spen becomes the focal point of the seabrook poly web

shout-out to the aceys in this movie. being held back has really helped them become less assholish

also shoutout to tracey who i have decided actually graduated and that's the reason he wasn't in z2 onwards

speaking of reprises, i liked the final someday with everyone singing

ZOMBIES 4: Dawn of the Vampires

oh there's a second moonstone

the naming conventions continue to be ridiculous. all the vampires have V names. all the "daywalkers" have light-based names (ray, commander bright, nova)

oh they are literally doing romeo and juliet here

nova (daywalker) and victor (vampire) are literally having visions of each other and are the heirs apparent for their respective groups

okay the getting to camp thing is so contrived

the characters are fun tho

i appreciate the fun new kids

BALCONY SCENE

THIS IS FUCKING ROMEO AND JULIET

SHE IS ON A BALCONY AND HE IS LOOKING UP AT HER AS THEY SING A DUET

oh damn this kid is my sister's age (the actor for the new main couple's guy, victor)

laskhfkdjk i just realized the the romeo character has two bffs (benvolio and mercutio) and the juliet character has a cousin who hates the romeo character (tybalt)

lmao zed has a rap song

also there are so many night scenes and they are Not lit super well

also zed is like. actively dying. this is super fun for me personally

zed, paraphrased: If i turn into a worm, you don't have to stay with me

addison, paraphrased: i would definitely still love you if you were a worm

okay i really like these new kids

it does feel less grounded than the previous movies--- the climax isn't a cheer competition or a school dance

TAP NUMBER! IN MY DISNEY CHANNEL FRANCHISED MOVIE! TAP DUET!

sequel bait! i bet they'll try for mermaids next. but mermaids can't tap dance :( they don't have feet :(

anyway it was a cute movie. there was literally no metaphor for prejudice throughout the movie. the metaphor was the r&j allegory. the new kids were cute tho. we didn't get to know the side characters super well, but the leads (victor and nova) were great, and they both had a right-hand person that we got a couple extra character traits for

we also got a lot more from the adults in this movie than the previous movies--- the vampire and daywalker leaders were pretty important, even if they didn't show up a whole ton

it fit the tone of the franchise, had a "someday" reprise, and overall was pretty good. it is def setting the stage for the og cast to bow out if they wanna tho, bc they're def focusing on the new kids if they make a 5th, bc the new kids are the ones that saw the sequel bait

overall the franchise def coheres better than descendants

however i still prefer descendants for both nostalgia and genre reasons

anyway! off to ao3 i go

POST-WATCH THOUGHTS

Alternate option to Bucky & the aceys repeating a grade is the zedison & co all skipped a grade

oh also i do have to say that this universe is honestly pretty easy to crossover with descendants imo

which granted i'm only thinking about bc i've been comparing them all day

but still

seabrook is one of the "foreign nations" that ben+co are visiting in D4. or seabrook is a part of auradon, or just outside of auradon, or smth

Zombies also has one up on descendants for letting the girls continue wearing skirts all 4 movies

i think z4 is my favorite even though it's not objectively the best of the series (i think the best in terms of plot, coherence, character arc, follow-through, etc is z1)

however z4 has fun songs, the lead guy actively dying, and shakespeare references. how could it not be my favorite

also ao3 has more nova fic than victor fic, and every fic with victor tagged also has nova tagged, which is as it should be.

however could not find any zedison/a-spen and i am unreasonably annoyed by that. they would be cute together. does no one else see my vision?

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

We don't know what exactly happened to Wander that changed his worldview and made his empathy grow, but based on how his mind is a place where he's happy all the time, it makes sense that he just ignores the bad feelings by habit and keeps on smiling, helping and being positive. Wander meditates, plays music, lives in the present moment and chooses to look for the good in everyone & everything, which means that he has ways to cope, but there are clues throughout the show that imply he's never faced his own darkness/past

"Inside Your Mind" shows that there's nothing sad inside Wander's mind; he must have replaced all the traumatic experiences he's ever had with happy thoughts, but never dealt with them. Wander's mind is so chaotic because the more wild ideas he comes up with, the easier it is to forget everything that's painful. He wanted to STAY in his mind where things are always happy, surrounded by many clones of himself and none of the friends he helped, or his family, and tried to manipulate Sylvia into staying in his happy world (where there's actually no room for anyone but himself). Wander was willing to leave all the people who need/will need his help in the future hanging because he wanted to stay in a place where it's easier to ignore the sad memories, a place where all of his wildest fantasies can come to life. Outside the void, distracting himself doesn't come this easy

Wander brushes off his real name as something that's not important and immeditely goes back to trying to befriend Dominator, but got visibly scared of Child Wander because it was right in front of him so he couldn't ignore it.

Wander reacts like THIS at the mention of his real name, like he's trying to shoo the memory of it away

Another reason why Wander wants to help and befriend everyone (aside from him being nice by nature, empathizing with others, and not wanting to feel worthless/wanting to be loved and needed by others) could be because he wants to fill the void left by the destruction of his species + other past trauma (which I will discuss soon). Wander's impulsive and reckless because he values others' safety and happiness more than himself and bases his value on whether or not he fails people/people pay attention to him in any way. He'd rather endanger himself to help someone else than stay safe (like Sylvia wants). Even when he's about to get killed in "The Enemies," he's just happy to see Hater & Brad "putting aside their differences to work together" or he figured out that if he said smth optimistic like that, it would pit the two against each other; wander's so so SO clever In any case, Wander doesn't feel like he's worth anything if he isn't of service. He's obviously scared for his life in "The Greatest" and "The End Of The Galaxy" (where he once again tries to protect his friends), but there are just way too many times where he puts his (and Sylvia's) life at risk just to be helpful and/or liked

Sylvia pretty much says it herself

Wander is never sad for his own sake because he doesn't allow himself to be (he's also the only one of the main 4 who we never see sobbing). He'd spiral into overthinking and completely shatter on the inside if he ever let himself feel all the pain he's experienced. I think him getting distracted is not just ADHD-coded. It could also be a coping mechanism to avoid thinking about the bad things from his past, whether Wander is aware of it or not (prob not)

There's not a single person in Wander's life that he wouldn't be able to move on from (not even Sylvia, according to Dave Thomas) they obv DO care abt each other, Syl lifts Wan's spirits when he needs it, he knows a lot about her, she protects him and they made so many memories together, but Sylvia doesn't know who Wander is at his core, what he's been through, and just how hurt and lonely he is. all this is bc wander presents himself to the universe as this happy, nice, naive, surprisingly heroic guy, and even when syl discovers his hurt side, she doesn't ever question him about it ONCE. I wonder why tbh. Sylvia also doesn't ask wander anything after she discovers he's 1000+ and only calls him "a man of mystery" I mean it's cool that she respects his privacy, but I think it would make sense for her to at least be a little curious to learn deeper info about her BEST FRIEND Even though Wander spends so much time with Sylvia, he never lets her in. He loves her, but like everyone else, she doesn’t see or understand his core self. Wan always remains untouchable in this sense. "A man of mystery" indeed

Some of Dave's replies that I think are important when it comes to understanding Wander's character

What's sad is that Sylvia said nothing when Wander called himself a "worthless wandering wanderer," just stood there pitifully and didn't defend/reassure him that it isn't true maybe some part of her DOES believe it is true, but im prob overthinking She also said "I know he seems like a skinny, clueless weakling, but believe me, he always manages to get the job done" Wander's NOT A SKINNY CLUESLESS WEAKLING and "You have no idea what it's like to have a fool for a friend!" syl, you're awesome and I love you, but you DO often treat wander as a fool that you gotta protect at all times. You don't seem to take wan seriously or fully trust him Both Sylvia and Peepers underestimate Wander, but Hater doesn't because he himself is also an impulsive genius

To Sylvia, Wander is "magic" (as she said in "The Rider") and hope personified; he helped her become a better person, and she came to rely on his optimism

Sylvia wants to protect Wander not just because she's like his big sis/mom, but also because he represents the part of her that turned over a new leaf. Her biggest fear is losing him, because if she did, she'd feel like she lost not just her best friend, but also the one who brought hope & happiness into her life

Wander leaves a galaxy without getting close to anyone, then finds new friends to help and new adventures. This has to do with his free-spirited personality in general he doesn't know how to go deep with people based on how Sylvia is his only true friend, but he would have tried to learn how to do it if he wanted to. since everyone besides syl is an acquaintance/casual friend, i dont think he ever tried, but it's also because it would be way too painful if he did. He (superficially) loves and cares about so many things, places and people, but has no problem leaving behind any of them because he didn't allow himself to get attached. Because he's immortal (or just has a really long life span), Wander will sooner or later lose everyone and everything he might potentially get attached to, so he'd rather not try to get attached in the first place. If Wander ever allowed himself to open up emotionally, he'd be bound to lose that someone by outliving them, or they'd get tired of him eventually because he's "too much," OR he'd feel like he would eventually fail them in some way just like he couldn't do anything about losing his family

We know Wander used to be self-righteous, that he had a black and white way of thinking, that he's skilled with many different types of guns (I actually never noticed this before I came across this post) and that he has a hero complex. When we put all of this information together, I think Wander used to be a well-known hero (like Brad Starlight, but more dutiful). if brad is "good" and hater is "evil," and wander was once like brad, then that means hater is basically an evil version of wander. makes sense why wander wants to help hater so badly He was kind, charming, attention-seeking and helpful (like he is now), but had no grayness to him or empathy for bad guys.

One day, some villain(s) destroyed other Star Nomads right in front of Wander (because he didn't come to rescue them quickly enough/wasn't strong enough, that's where the helplessness comes from), he quietly asked "Why?", then decided to travel as far away from his home galaxy as possible to try and forget/fill that void by making as many friends and going to as many places as possible, because then he wouldn't have to think of that one tragedy that scarred him. That's also a deeper reason as to why Wander remembers tiny details about everyone. The more he knows about others, the less he will think about himself/his past and all the hurts he's been through throughout his life, especially the time he couldn't protect his family. Deep down, Wander will always feel like what happened to them and his home was HIS fault, so no matter how many people he helps, it will never be enough. He feels guilty that he had the luck to survive and none of the other Star Nomads did. I think this hc makes more sense than "Wander wandered off out of curiosity while he was traveling w/ his family, got lost and could never find them again no matter how long he searched" It would also explain this line:

When Child Wander says the word "home" with a smile while it's in Sylvia's arms, it implies that the main tragedy Wander experienced has to do with him losing his home (and the way this part of Wander is looking at Sylvia while saying "home" could also mean that it feels at home in Sylvia's arms so cuteeee)

After this event, Wander became traumatized and blamed himself every day for failing his family. In "The Cube," we actually (implicitly) learn that Wander not only had many rough days in the past just like the Cube, but was also angry and had a negative attitude at some point understandably

Wander must have used the open-mindedness that he started to develop after he felt helpless for the 1st time to learn how to be optimistic. Eventually, he buried all the bad feelings and memories deep inside and replaced the past with new experiences, but never truly healed every time he helps someone/cheers them up, that's wander trying to make himself feel better too

And because he failed to save the other Star Nomads, now he feels worthless every time he fails to help/save someone (there must have been a lot of other aliens Wander also failed to save throughout the years)

Even though Wander's not attached to anyone or anything, it would still hurt to look back on all that's ever happened to him during more than a thousands of years that he was alive, because among the happy memories, there are a lot of sad/tragic ones he wants to forget. That's why he told Sylvia:

Wander never looks back because it would hurt too much; he finds it easier to just keep moving forward. He doesn't just tell Sylvia "and don't look back," he adds "Never look back" even sylvia's body language when she's imitating wander gives off the vibe of him saying "nope, im too stubbron to look back, i refuse" It makes me think that if he actually did look back, he would completely shatter. Wander has been alive for over a thousand years, which is more than 10 human lifetimes just imagine how much pain he's been through And he met a lot of people he never truly got to know on a deeper level. He never got attached. Wander always leaves before he has the chance to bond with someone, nor did he ever really want to based on how inexperienced he is when it comes to friendship.

This is all really REALLY sad

Tl;dr Wander is such a fascinating character to analyze & speculate about and his relationships with others and little hints reveal a lot about him

[persephonyed]

they looked at her familiarly, though there was a truth to it now that camille had always doubted before, and that sent a rush of nervous adrenaline racing through her veins. if she could bottle up that gaze and revisit how it made her feel forever, she thought she could be satisfied, even if river didn't want her in the end. as if that were even a possibility given the way they closed space between the two of them and she practically felt the confession wafting off of them before they could even get the words out. "i don't know, riv, you were pretty good at pretending you didn't want me there..." camille teased, it wouldn't have been true to her if she didn't take the opportunity dangled before her. maybe this was why river was always so frustrated with her. but looking back on that night, top off, ready to give herself to them before river kicked her out, it was a horror that had replayed constantly over the months since. she didn't hold it against them, but it had rooted in her memories, a vivid 'what if' and wondering of where they might be if no one had ever knocked on their door. "maybe you should be the one in front of the camera instead." the smile that graced their lips, however, was inviting. "you can blame me for a good bit of it. after i sawa uma kissing you, i don't know," head shaking, she looked down at her hands fitting so perfectly within theirs, "i shouldn't have acted like that, but it fucking killed me to see someone else touching you." river had been hers at that point, in her heart, no matter what anyone said or the ruse they danced beneath. there was no altering the way camille thought of her when she was alone with her thoughts. so many times she could have broken, spoke up, made it known, if only she had been confident river felt the same way. eyes darting upwards to meet theirs as those damning words fell from her lips, camille could feel her heart stop, hands a death grip on river's as she forgot how to breath. "river..." their name was like a prayer upon her lips, hushed and tentative, as if it were sacriligious to speak it allowed. i'm in love with you. that was huge, bigger than camille thought she could ever comprehend, and she was elated and terrified all at once. "are you sure?" she laughed nervously, "i mean, i look really good tonight, and we've had a couple drinks, maybe you just missed me. you could wake up tomorrow, sober and regretting a confession you didn't mean. i- i don't want this to be a mistake, riv. i don't want you regretting me."

if river were in any sort of calm state, she would have been able to make some witty quip about making a collaborative project, some dumb sex joke that would make camille laugh. she'd make this easy and casual, like it didn't feel like cutting her chest open and offering up her bloody heart to her. they were so unsteady on their feet, so unlike their usual self, but it had never felt like this with someone else. it had never felt like so much was resting on how well she expressed herself. they needed her to understand how much they felt for her, how deep it went. camille's words interrupted their train of thought, leaving them hesitating as the breath was stolen from them for a moment. it wasn't an act. river's head tilted to the side, their gaze softening as they looked at her and she went on. she nodded, understanding what she meant. "well, maybe i shouldn't say this, but i think i knew earlier than that. i didn't wanna think it or admit it... and i didn't think you felt it, but i knew i wasn't that good of an actor." she laughed softly, before her brows furrowed and she wet her lips with her tongue, crossing the room towards her. "i thought maybe it just felt good not to hate you, for us to be friends again, but it was more than that. i didn't know how deep it went until we just... fucking fell apart. i don't blame you for any of it, i just wish i could have been honest with you." they were so close to her now, that they couldn't think to do anything but crouch down in front of her, reaching for her hands. river looked down at them, as their thumb stroked her hand gently. when her gaze rose to meet hers, it just came tumbling out all at once without a filter to consider if she was ready to admit it or not. "camille, i'm in love with you."