#so why wouldn't i love them on someone else?

[cherbii]

VELVET!

ft. Toji Fushiguro

summary -> being a mob wife comes with its perks; riches, glamour, and your smitten mob husband who would do anything to prove his love for you, even if that’s taking you in the middle of the casino!

warnings -> language, violence, deaths, murder, dead dove do not eat, smut! p in v, creampie, fingering, multiple orgasms, public sēx, voyeurism, mdni

Smooth jazz played on the gramophone in the casino, the dim lights match, creating a warm ambiance. It all bounces off the gold of Toji's thick ring, wrapped around his ring finger.

Toji Zenin had many titles: godfather, kingpin, mob boss, don, capo. It didn't matter, because to you, he was your husband, and you were his pretty little wife he'd kill for.

You'd sit next to him when he gambled, like as of now, sat in a dazzling dress, makeup done right, eyeing the way his muscles bulged in his shirt or the way he sucked on the cigar.

God, you were a lucky woman, but Toji was a lucky man.

You didn't whisper a word of what he did to anyone, not the suspicious cases of money he had, or the blood stains you'd find on his clothes, none of it mattered, because you love the man too much to let him go.

Another mob wife sat next to you, one of a lesser clan, sipping on a dry martini. "I get bored sitting here, I'm not good at gambling so I don't play, if I were, I still wouldn't." She told you through her glass.

The corners of your lips turned up. "You don't have to tell me twice, but in a way it's nice. I get drinks and a great show of my husband winning." You replied, raising your own glass to your lips, a boulder of a diamond shimmering in the ambiance.

"Tch, you're such a kiss ass. I bet you are just waiting for the moment he loses and snaps." The other woman commented. She had a slight smirk on her face as she took another sip.

Meanwhile, Toji continued to play poker, he kept winning hand after hand, showing no emotion or signs of trouble, as if it were all simple.

A noise of amusement left you, your drink rippling in the glass. "Oh, darling. Please don't get this twisted, you see, my husband never loses." You said before finishing your drink.

The woman beside you scoffs as she finishes her drink as well, "So you're just his pretty accessory then."

You could hear the click-clack of the cards hitting the table. Toji was yet again winning another round. "Or rather, he's mine, don't you think?" You shot her a grin.

She grits her teeth, seemingly growing irritated, "I bet you're only with him cause of his money." She spits back.

Again, Toji kept winning round after round, not even breaking a sweat.

Your lips pursed as you attempted to suppress your grin. "You're right, I'm in it for the money," you said. "Definitely not because there's love, or passion, or orgasmic sex, no."

Her jaw dropped, completely frozen on the spot from your words, meanwhile Toji turned to look at you, his eyes filled with a devilish look and a smirk on his face. He continues to play poker, however, he seems rather entertained.

A few men at the other tables also look over in shock by the sudden bluntness to your response.

You could hear another man make a comment, "Jesus, I wonder what else that mouth can do." They snicker, earning a glare from Toji that made them shut up rather quickly.

You gesture by tipping your glass in the direction of the woman's husband. "Why? Does he not fulfil or fill you? Poor thing, must be why you're so stuck up." You murmured to her.

A sharp inhale was heard from the woman, you had clearly struck her ego, she knew that. Her cheeks flushing in anger.

Toji smirked as he continues playing, he just knows this won't be good. He was rather enjoying it, he was entertained.

The woman takes a small sip, clearly pissed but trying to keep a calm demeanor, "That isn't the point. But I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand." She says sharply, still with a tone of anger behind it.

Toji could be seen smirking, clearly showing that he isn't even listening to his poker game anymore. His attention completely stolen away by the bickering. You raise a brow, watching as she flagged down another waiter. "To understand what? That I'm not fulfilled, nor filled?"

She scoffs once again, she clearly didn't pick up on you throwing her words back at her on purpose.

Toji couldn't deny that he enjoyed when you defended yourself, it made him proud, it fueled him. He also couldn't deny that he loved watching you fight back, cause it was a turn on. He was a man of power and influence, but no one had a tighter grip on him than you.

"Please, I bet he doesn't breathe your way," she huffed. "Probably to busy getting with other woman than to pay attention to some gold digging whore."

"Oh don't call me such names," you wave a hand dismissively in the air before your voice dropped. "It's only reserved for my husband in the bedroom."

The other woman seemed stunned once again by your words, Toji nearly choking on his cigar. He began coughing loudly, though it was mostly to cover up his laugh. He was clearly amused. He then quickly regains his composure.

Before she could reply, you turned to look at your husband. "Baby?" You pouted.

He slowly glances, his lips slightly curling upward, he could see that you were planning something to piss the woman off even more and he was quite excited. He hums while he replies, "Yes, doll?"

You let out a sigh. "The bitch next to me doesn't think you fulfil or love me? Isn't she right?"

Toji grinned as he licked the scar on his lip. "She's right." Toji sarcastically said.

The woman's jaw dropped once again, this time in pure shock. Her own husband was now glaring at Toji, however, Toji simply smirked, continuing with his sarcastic response.

The other customers had their own reactions, some shocked, some holding in their laughs.

Other people had now been paying attention to the interaction, rather than Toji's gambling. They were all shocked by your boldness and Toji's response. Toji seemed excited, loving the little show that was playing out.

"You don't fulfil me? Ah well, guess I'll have to find someone who does," you feigned a look of sadness. "Maybe Shiu will."

Toji chuckled lowly, the game discarded, with the hand closest to you, he reached up and grabbed your chin. "No, doll, Shiu won't, but, let's play a game."

"What game?" You asked. His grip on your chin was gentle yet firm, you could see a smirk across his lips yet also a dangerous glint in his eye, his own type of way to say he was being serious, but also excited.

The others who were watching simply watched in curiosity, this was quite the show.

Slowly, he forced your head to turn, until you were staring at the woman's husband. "You're going to tell me if you think these men here can fulfil you, alright? Let's start with him." Toji told you.

Toji's voice was low and firm, the other woman was now staring at you, she clearly couldn't believe this was actually happening. The husband of the other woman now had a scowl on his face, he wasn't pleased by Toji using his wife to prove a point.

However, Toji's tone changed to a more loving one, as you could tell his grip on your chin was gentle, not wanting to hurt you by mistake.

You let out a hum as you thought, eyeing the man and ignoring the copious amounts of glares you got. “I mean, I guess but he doesn't seem like he has stamina, y'know. Not someone who could last more than a round."

The other woman could be heard making a choked noise as the other men burst out laughing at your comment, some were shocked by how blunt you were being.

Toji didn't even try and hide it, he laughed. He found it all hilarious, he loved every moment of it. He loved watching all the men look at you, some seemed jealous, others intrigued, and some shocked. He took pride in that, they could look but never touch.

Toji could see the scowl on the man's face, clearly pissed. He knew you were still going to go off, Toji was loving this whole thing, but he was also very much aroused by it.

You felt him steer your face until you faced another. "And him?"

Toji held your chin in place, letting you look directly at the man. The man seemed a bit older, a well dressed fancy man, probably some sort of office worker or something.

That's when you heard the loud choking noise once again, Toji had to stop himself from laughing, this was amusing to him. The older man sat slightly frozen, looking directly at you and then at Toji.

You smiled at him. "I'm sure he could, he has grey hair so he's older, and must be more experienced."

The other woman couldn't speak, she was in complete shock that you kept going and now it seemed you were actually considering it. Toji smirked, feeling his grip on your chin slightly tighten.

The older man had a surprised look on his face, though he was more smug now, he did like the idea.

"One more, doll," Toji said before moving your head until you faced the last man. "Now him."

Now you faced the last man, a younger man with blonde hair and a well dressed suit on as well, who was trying to control his expressions.

"No, too young," albeit him looking your age. "Probably would last three seconds."

You could hear the two other men laughing once again, the other woman was completely speechless at this point, probably ready to snap at any minute.

Toji couldn't stop himself from laughing along with the men, it was like watching a train wreck. He then made the game just a bit harder, pulling your chin back to him.

"Okay, now the actual last one. What do you think? Think I can satisfy you?" He asked, staring into your eyes.

You could see the glint in his eyes, it was clear he loved having all the other men looking at you, as if you were his possession.

Toji was excited, he loved seeing the faces on the other men and loved the way you spoke to them.

"You might have to show me, Toji, once we're home."

Toji smirked, letting a small chuckle slip from his lips, he knew he had it in the bag. His hand moved from your chin to your thigh, patting it gently. He was getting a little hot and heavy from the current scenario.

This entire show had the whole casino intrigued, men were beginning to stare at you as if they had any shot.

"Oh, doll. Why wait? Clearly these people think I'm...subpar." The word tasted like poison in his mouth.

He glared at all the men, though he had his signature smirk still on his face. He began to rub his hand up your inner thigh, his gaze never once leaving you as he spoke.

Toji chuckled lowly, as if he was mocking the men. He knew they never had a shot with you anyway.

"Right now?" You whispered, a gasp caught in your throat as his hand moved higher.

His smirk grew wider, you could see the lust in his eyes now, he loved the way you spoke, he loved how you were playing along now.

He leaned in close to you, his voice a low tone as he replied. "Right now, doll."

Almost out of reflex, your legs spread, giving Toji more access to where you yearned him.

Toji loved watching the reaction from everyone else, how they were all still watching. Meanwhile, his fingers grazed you through your clothes, he was a tease.

He felt himself beginning to grow excited from others looking at you and the fact he knew you were also being turned on from it.

Toji glanced around, noticing the men were starting to stare more and more at you. He loved knowing that they all wanted you, but it was clear that you were his. It was only his touch that you could feel, only his eyes that you could look at.

He continued to rub his hand on your inner thighs, keeping his fingers barely touching you. He then leant back before grabbing the crystal glass and downed the drinks, at the same time his fingers shifted, now running over your clothed core before he slammed the glass down.

With a long sigh, Toji reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out the shiny, black gun. "If anyone here tries to object or even stand up, I'm putting a bullet between your eyes. Now we wouldn't want the lovely ladies to see that, now would we?" Toji said to the men.

The men sat quietly, seemingly intimidated by the threat, though their eyes remained on you. You could see them staring, they had a mixture of jealousy, sadness, and shock.

Toji loved the current scenario, the men's reactions to you, watching all of them squirm in their seats, just because they knew they couldn't have you. It was exciting for him.

You groaned, feeling the patch in your underwear and the pressure Toji applied grow.

Toji smirked. You were his, and it was clear no one could take you away. He could see the other men begin to shuffle in their seats, as if trying to hide their obvious excitement.

He turned his head to look at one of the many bodyguards Toji hired. "Kick everyone out but these at this table." He briskly said to one.

The bodyguard began to herd the rest of the men along with their wives out the casino. Some of the men were still shooting glances your way, but others were trying to avoid making eye contact with Toji. It seems his reputation as a mafia boss is still well known.

Toji smirked once again, looking back at you, his fingers continued to rub you through the fabric.

Now it was quiet, except for your soft whines, having pairs of eyes watch you, or avoid you.

"I don't feel very fulfilled, Toji." You whined, raising your hips to push yourself closer to his fingers. Toji chuckled, loving how you sounded, how desperate you were for his touch. He loved seeing the other men react to your noise, they wanted you as much as he did, yet he had you all to himself.

He then began to rub you even more, he wanted to see the other men become jealous.

"So greedy." Toji tutted, sliding his hands to the edge of your panties to pull them to the side.

He licked his lips as you continued to make small whimpers. You could tell by the look on his face that he loved how this whole scenario was playing out, he loved watching all the men stare as his finger teased you.

He knew how jealous they were, he also knew that only he could give you what you wanted, not them.

A loud curse flew from your lips when his calloused fingertips found your aching clit. "Fuck, Toji."

Toji smirked, the other men were completely jealous as they watched the scene. He chuckled as he began to rub you in small circles, enjoying the sounds you made.

You could see by their faces how they wished this was them, but it wasn't, it was Toji, only him. And that drove him wild, as did those noises that flew from your mouth.

Toji continued rubbing you, loving how you kept making noises for the men to hear. The men still had their eyes on the scene, seemingly not knowing what to really say or even not daring to say anything at all, lest they meet Toji's wrath. A few men tried to move their attention elsewhere from you, but it was obvious that it was difficult.

"Come here baby, sit on my lap."

He removed his hand, glistening with your arousal, and allowed for you to climb on his lap, back facing him, before your legs spread and his fingers went back to the previous actions.

Now on his lap, Toji could see and hear everything the men were watching or not reacting to. You could see their faces, filled with jealousy, sadness, and pure anger that it wasn't them with you. You were all his.

As Toji began to rub you again, his lips landed on your neck. He wanted to mark you in front of all of them, to show you belong to him and him alone.

"Open your legs for me wider, doll. Let them see that fucking pussy." Toji instructed as his other hand went to hike your dress up your hips.

You could hear the men shift in their seats as they watched, some of them were trying to get comfortable, you could see by their flushed faces that they were completely jealous, but wouldn't even dare look away.

You moved the way Toji asked, his fingers sliding along you, as the other men watched the display. Toji loved being the only man you could ever want or

His fingers moved down, now prodding at your weeping hole before pushing in two of his thick fingers, cold ring pressing against your thigh.

Toji let out a groan at the sound it made. "Hear that boys? That's the sound of fucking success."

The other men watched as you made noises of pleasure that Toji earned.

You moaned, feeling his fingers curl and push against that delicious spot within you. "Oh my god, Ji!"

You could feel his smirk against your neck, he loved seeing the men's expressions on their faces. The way they saw what you could do for him, how you could moan for him.

He chuckled lowly, not wanting to make a loud noise. He loved that they watched, unable to help but stare.

Your soft lips fell open and your back arched. Toji groaned, you squirming against him was providing some pleasure to his aching erection.

He continued to thrust his fingers in your pulsating cunt. Toji knew the other men wanted you as much as he did, and loved every second of this, it sent him on a power trip.

"Mm, my pretty little wife," Toji purred into your skin, tongue dotting out to lick over the teeth indents on your skin. "Show these boys how I make you feel real good."

The men watched as Toji began to tease your skin, some of them wishing they were Toji, but they weren't. They could watch, but they could never have. Toji loved calling you his, he loved being able to call you his wife, he loved doing it all while the men watching, seeing what you did for him, what you provided for him.

Your head fell back. "You're so good to me. I—ah—love how you make me feel!"

His grip on your thighs tightened, enjoying how you fell against. Toji loved showing off how you couldn't be anyone else's no matter what anybody thought.

"My good little wife, you sound so pretty." His fingers pumped in and out of you at rapid speed, wet sloshing sound echoed into the velvet of the casino.

Toji eyed the man to his left, seeing he was visibly turned on.

"You. Are you enjoying my wife's reactions? Does seeing her get pleasured arouse you?"

The man's face turned a deep red, completely caught in Toji's gaze, as the other man noticed what was happening, he shot a small glare at the other. However, you could see the mans eyes were completely on what you and Toji were doing.

He remained quiet, not daring to admit his arousal, but also unable to turn away. Toji clicked his tongue. "I asked you a question, boy."

The man swallowed, a lump in his throat as he spoke, in a quiet voice, as if ashamed. "Yes..." He said, not making eye contact with anyone, not even looking away from the display, unable to turn away.

Toji nodded, a grin splitting his face. "Good, and you?" He turned to ask the older man who'd been staring at his lap.

The older man sat there, his face flushed as if embarrassed or ashamed. He gulped before answering, knowing if he didn't that he would suffer the wrath of Toji. He cleared his throat, "I...am." He replied, his voice barely holding it together. He couldn't look away either, he had grown attached to how Toji and you were.

"Yeah, how could you not?" Toji asked rhetorically, fingers still ramming into you, sending waves of pleasure to course through your veins before he looked at the woman's husband. "Now you, are you enjoying the sight of my pretty wife?"

The woman's husband sat in his seat, trying to avoid everyone's stares and not look at the lewd display the two of you were showing. He cleared his throat as he replied, a small tinge of bitterness behind it. "No, absolutely not." He said, though he was completely lying.

Toji knew it, you knew it, and everyone who saw could tell. Toji wanted a reaction.

Toji let out a sound, it was almost a growl. "No? You don't like my wife?"

The man swallowed, clearly lying. "No, I don't." He continued to lie, though his eyes seemed to move to look down a bit, the sounds of your pleasure as Toji worked you filling the air, filling that man's ears.

"To…ji…l want to cum!" You whined, withering on his lap, feeling a fire burn in your lower tummy.

Toji smirked, he could tell that it was starting to drive the man mad, his eyes couldn't keep away. Toji wanted to rub it in, so bad as he continued to please you.

You could hear the man groan as you moaned, the men all began to have flushed appearances on their faces.

Toji loved it all, all the jealousy, jealousy from men watching his wife be pleasured by him, it made him feel powerful. You could hear Toji chuckle low as he whispered to you, leaning to your ear as he kept his voice low, so only you could hear you. "Say it louder for me, doll?"

You mewled, your vision going hazy, making the casino lights blue into one bright mess. "I wanna cum, Ji! Need to cum on your fingers—aw fuck— please!"

Toji loved how you reacted, but he loved more how the men were jealous. As you said your response, all could see they were getting antsy.

One by one their eyes darted to different locations, some of them even began to bounce their legs slightly, as if getting impatient.

"Shh, doll, I got ya. But first I need to talk to this gentleman, okay?" He said to you, planting a kiss below your ear before facing the woman's husband again. "So again I ask, do you have a problem with my wife? Do you not like her?"

The man continued to look away, he knew you were off limits, so was his wife. He kept his expression as best as he could. He cleared his throat, "I don't find her attractive, nor do I like her." He replied.

The other men were all growing frustrated, one of them shifting in their seat almost every other minute, as if they wanted to leave.

Toji chuckled, his fingers curled into once more, having you see stars. "Ya hear that, doll? He doesn't like ya. What a fool."

All you could see in that moment was stars, pleasure coursing through your body as Toji hit your sweet spot without mercy.

The woman was beginning to get jealous as well.

“'Ji! ‘Ji! so close!” You moaned.

Toji loved the way you called his name as you felt pleasure, it drove him wild.

Toji could see the men were growing envious, he loved seeing their glances, the way their fists were clenched. He loved the way their legs were shaking in their chairs, desperate to give into the pleasure they saw you in.

"I hear ya. Cum for me doll."

You knew Toji wasn't going to deny you. Meanwhile, all the men could hear your call of pleasure as your body tensed on his lap.

Some of them could see a bulge growing as they sat, trying to hide the fact it aroused them to watch. The whole ordeal made Toji feel in charge, made him feel like he was in control, he was addicted to it.

"Fuck!" You screamed, orgasm crashing down on you like a tidal wave. As you cried out, a low groan from many of the men were heard in the room, you could tell by the sounds of men shifting in their seats that they were getting antsy. Toji was loving you and the attention the men were giving, he knew that you were only his.

There was a look of pure jealousy in the woman's eyes as you cried out, the man's wife trying to hide her jealousy with a poker face, but Toji could see right through it all, loving every second of showing you off to

Everyone, you were his and he loved showing it off to people. The men were growing jealous, their faces red, their fists clenched, the sounds of groans and grunts filling the room, the woman had a jealous expression on her face, as did the other ladies who arrived before the situation started.

Toji pumped his fingers in and out of you until you slumped, blissed out. He extracted his hand, fingers glossed with your cum, craning his neck to look at the man.

“Ya sure ya got a problem with her?”

The man couldn't control his facial expressions, jealousy apparent in his eyes as he stared at the gloss on Toji's fingers.

The men seemed to grow antsy, some seemed angry that they couldn't have you, others jealous and annoyed by the situation. However, it was a mixture of both from the man who sat before Toji, his words slipping out before he could think.

"I said she isn't that attractive." He said in a snappy tone.

"That's unfortunate." Toji sighed, hand shooting out to grab his gun, flicking the safety off before cocking it to the man and without a blink of the eye, shot him in the chest, the sound resonating in the casino.

You could hear the men shout as the sound of the gun rang out, blood hitting the ground. A dead body laid limply on the chair, however the men didn't seem to move, as if in shock at the sudden turn of events. Though some of their eyes drifted to the sight, as if they were happy he was no longer the threat.

Toji placed it back down, the gunmetal wet with your arousal now before his lips found your neck. "For the record, doll. I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world." He whispered to you.

Your heart fluttered. "Thank you, baby. I think you're the most handsomest man ever." You replied, twisting your body around to face him, legs cradling his waist.

He wrapped his arms around your waist, keeping you close as you sat on his lap. A small hum of appreciation escaped his lips as you called him the most handsome man. He had a small smirk on his face, loving the fact that the men sat there and watched him hold you, loving how you belonged to no one other than him.

"I'm the luckiest too. Not everyone gets to have a wife like you." He raised a thumb to caress your cheek

His words sent you crashing forward, slamming your lips onto his, fingers curling around his collar while his around your waist and in your hair.

Toji could taste the lipstick on your lips, the taste he had fallen in love with over the years, the way your taste is mixed in with his. The way your fingers curled around his collar and in his hair, your body against his. He loved every second, he held you close, he held you so only he could have you.

Not a single man could touch you without suffering a fate similar to the man laid on the ground.

Toji held you close, his tongue dancing with yours, his hand on the back of your head holding you, making sure you didn't slip away. "Hmph...Toji?" You asked softly, pushing yourself closer to him.

His eyes stared into yours, he hummed to let you know he was listening, though he didn't remove his hand from the back of your head.

"I don't think they got the message enough. Show them how you really pleasure me." You purred, reaching a hand between the two of you to squeeze at his clothed bulge.

His breath hitched, you could feel him twitch as you did. A smirk grew on his face, loving you, loving how you felt against him. And most of all, his gaze drifted to the men, who had all seemed to still stare.

He would make sure they got the message, that you were his, and only his. He moved his hands, pulling your face close to his as he whispered into your ear, low enough so only you could hear.

"How would you like it, doll?" His breath tickled the skin of your neck as he spoke, though he didn't hesitate to continue the moment. He knew exactly what he was planning, but would see what you wanted first.

A shiver ran through you. "I want it rough, ‘Ji. I don't want to walk for days, and l'd like everyone here to never forget...if they make it out alive."

He smirked, loving the way you answered. "My good wife, of course, I'll satisfy you." He spoke softly into your ear, before his hands slid down. He ran the tip of his fingers up your thighs while locking eyes with the men.

His fingers found your dress and in one fluid movement, he ripped it almost in two, exposing more of you to him. "Toji! I liked this dress." You huffed, looking at the slit that ran almost over your whole stomach.

Toji chuckled, his eyes staring at your almost ruined dress. "I'll buy you as many dresses as you want, doll. I’ll get them custom made if I have to." He replied as his hands moved to your thighs. He began to gently caress them, rubbing small circles, as his gaze remained on your now exposed body.

You sighed, raising your hips to access his belt. He kept a firm grip on your thighs as you raised your hips, and moved his own, as if helping you in your quest.

His eyes moved to all the men watching, his smirk still on his face. He had so much power in this moment, that only he knew.

Hastily you unbuckled his belt, desperately wanted to free him. His breath hitched with every small movement, every small pull of material that you did towards his belt. He wasn't in control of his actions, all he cared about was you. He helped you by pushing himself at just the right angle, helping you along as you unfastened his belt.

You sighed when it came undone, now tugging his pants down, boxers somewhat going with, now exposing the tuft or hair he had at the base.

He groaned, the sight of it was making it hard for him not to do anything just yet. He could see the excitement in your eyes, and could tell by the looks on the other men's faces how they wished they had this.

"Help me, 'Ji." You huffed, leaning back.

Without hesitating he lifted you up a bit, not lifting his hands from your thighs as he did so. He then began to help, pulling his pants down a bit, but leaving his underwear for the moment. "There ya go, doll." He said, his words filled with a deep tone.

You grunted, hands flying for his boxers and yanking them down, exposing his long, thick girth. It swayed back and hit his stomach, angry red tip weeping with precum.

He groaned with a slight chuckle from his lips. His breathing began to get heavier, every movement you were making was getting him more riled up.

He was starting to get excited from showing off, as well as showing how in power he was, and how you never had to worry for anything, because no one could take you from him. Your eyes moved to his, you could see his usual eyes, but also a sense of danger behind them.

You felt yourself clench at the sight, already hiking your hips up to take him.

Toji then adjusted his grip and you, shifting you so you were more on top of him and able to take him more. You could see the men's hands gripping tighter to anything as they watched the two of you.

Toji stood up with a grunt, holding you with his muscular arms as if you weighed nothing. "You ready, doll?"

You could feel the power behind those muscles, the fact he could hold you up so easily was a turn on to you, and clearly to the men. Toji kept you close and secure as he asked you.

"Uhuh, show the-show me how good you make me feel."

With a smirk on his face, he pulled up and down slightly, and then thrusted upward. He wanted to let out a groan, but was fighting it back, at this point he didn't care much how you felt, he wanted to show the men watching how he could please you, how you were his.

He held you close to his chest as he began to raise you by your thighs, using them to do most of the moving as he kept you close so he could hold onto you. The men watched closely, the way you and Toji were acting with each other, the way you seemed to melt with everything Toji did.

He used you like an object. Cock slamming into you, balls slapping against your ass, having you cry out.

"Fuck, yes!"

Toji grunted in pleasure as he continued, wanting everyone to hear you, hear how good you feel, hear how good he makes you feel.

If you looked up, you could see the looks on the men's faces, how a few of them were shifting in their seats, how they wanted to be the one getting you to make these sounds.

He held you under your shoulders, fingers flexing against your skin. He held you so securely, yet his grip was firm, like he was afraid you'd slip away. He wanted to pull you close, kiss your neck, but he also wanted the men to see everything.

So, Toji took a step forward before placing you on the betting table, cock still relentlessly bruising your cervix. One hand moved to your waist while the other swiped over your breast and pulled at the fabric of your dress, freeing your bouncing breast.

Toji's mouth watered at the sight. He brought his calloused thumb over your peaked nipple.

You could see Toji's smirk, he was almost loving watching the men who were jealous. How you had that effect on him, even as the jealous onlookers glanced your way, he still was obsessed with you.

"So gorgeous. So goddamn gorgeous." Toji praised, hand trailing over your stomach before it returned between your legs, thumb sticking out to rub away at your aching clit.

You could see Toji's eyes rake over your body as if he was taking everything in, how he felt so deeply about you. The men's eyes were also trailing all over you, how your body reacted to every small movement and touch Toji made

Your arms flailed around, crashing into the chips, sending them jostling down. "F-Fuck, 'Ji! Just like that!"

A few gasps were heard, though it mattered nothing to Toji. All he wanted to do was to make you feel good, and make the men feel as inadequate as possible because they had no chance.

His gun lay by your hip, still coated in your previous arousal, it way almost symbolic, dare I say, of the situation.

Quick, rapid gasps left your lips, you choked on moans at the same rhythm his thumb flicked your bundle of nerves. "Hah—ah—won't last long—!"

In the moment, Toji could tell you were close, that was all Toji could focus on. He wanted to show the men how you were only his, to make them jealous, to make it clear you belonged to him, only him. He kept his eyes on you, seeing pleasure roll through your body. He loved all of this, loved every second of his actions

"I know, doll. You wanna make a mess for me?" He knew he was going to bring you to a release soon, he knew you were going to be in complete bliss under him. He could still hear the sounds of discomfort from the men watching.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" You changed like a mantra, nails digging into the material of the table.

Hearing you, feeling you, watching you, it was a complete turn on for Toji.

His breathing was heavier, not as heavy as yours, but heavier. He wanted to see you like this all the time, like this in front of everyone so they all knew they didn't really know anything and weren't worthy of a chance

He added his forefinger with, now pinching your clit. "Cum for me, doll. Need to feel my wife cum on my cock." He grunted, only for you, he knew he owned every second of this, and it was driving him wild

Pleasure wracked through you and your whole body shook as you came hard, getting your cum over Toji's cock, thighs and even the table below you.

Toji grunted as you came, you could see his eyes dark as he watched you. The other men's breathing grew harder as they watched, some of them shifted, they just couldn't look away.

You could hear the way most of them were breathing, like they were holding back from something, like they wished they were Toji, but couldn't be, they weren't worthy

"Fuck, doll. Gonna fill this greedy cunt up." Toji grunted, fingers digging into your hip before he spilled inside you.

When Toji finally reached his peak, you could hear a few sounds of relief from some of the men. However, they were all still jealous, how they wanted to be the one who was able to do this, yet they weren't.

Toji didn't move for a moment, he wanted this moment to last forever, the look on the men's faces, all of it, only for you. He let out a small grumble as he held you close, his breath could.

You could see Toji's breathing hard, he could keep going if he wanted, but he felt he had his fill. He wanted to show everyone around that they had nothing on him, all the men in the casino watched you both with jealous eyes. You could still feel his hands against your thighs, still holding you close.

With a wince, Toji pulled out, his grip grew a bit tighter around your thighs. His eyes were low, trying to catch his breath. You could hear some of the men let out groans, trying to disguise it as a cough, though it was obvious.

Toji's breathing was still heavy, his eyes still dark from the whole ordeal. He began to pull himself up to be standing, and began to pull you with him

He looked to the side, at the young man next to him, seeing he had a large wet patch on his crotch. "Shit, doll. Fucked ya so good the boy creamed his pants, heh."

The man’s face was bright red, the fact that he had made such an obvious reaction, but couldn't hide it very well, was obvious. You could see the men trying so hard to maintain their composure, but it was obvious to tell some of them were jealous as well.

Toji began to gently straighten his clothes up as he held you, still making everyone watch, and still showing off your body

He then grabbed you and spun you around to face the woman, even though you were dripping cum, tit still out, makeup running down your cheeks. "Tell me, girl. Does she look fulfilled to you?" He asked her.

The woman was shaking. "You killed... my husband." She whispered, trying not to look at her husbands body that limply sat next to her.

Toji clicked his tongue, and let out a chuckle, ignoring her words. "That's not answering my question,” Toji replied, his grip tightening on you slightly. "Just answer the damn question." Toji said, his tone was harsh, almost threatening.

The woman flinched at Toji's harsh tone, and let out a shaky breath. "...Yes." She muttered

Toji smirked, it moved his scar. “That's fucking right,” he turned back to you. “Come on, doll. Let's get out of here.” He slid his jacket off him, before he threw it around your shoulders.

As he slid his jacket around you, Toji began to walk, guiding you out of the room, showing you off to the men in the process. You could see the men watch you all the way out, they looked upset, envious, desperate, though they said nothing.

"Oh, one more thing," he turned to face you, one hand reaching for his pocket, other cradling your jaw. "Kiss me, doll"

You could see his eyes, still the dark, possessive eyes he had only for you. You knew he liked showing you off, but he still wanted something only he got.

When you looked at him, you thought you saw his gaze become softer, only for you. You were the only one who could see him like this, the only one who could see Toji like this. You knew you were the only one in the world who could get his attention, and he wanted a kiss.

Your lips were bruised, but still beautiful, the lipstick he loved was smeared slightly. He could see how you looked still a little dishevelled, but perfect in his eyes, to him, you were perfection. You were the only thing he would ever call perfection, he smirked softly as he waited for you to kiss him.

So quickly, you threw your arms around him and crashed your lips onto his. He kissed you back, his one free hand resting on the back of your waist. He pulled you close, still in front of everyone in the casino. Toji wanted everyone to see how you belonged to him, how he was the only one who got your kisses, your time, your everything.

"Don't turn around." He murmured to you, and that's when you heard it. The cocking of a gun, the screams, gunshots, then silence, all while you devoured the whiskey you could faintly taste on your husband's lips.

You ignored the mess behind you, focused on how his mouth moved with yours, how you could taste him through it all, how his other hand rested on the back of your jaw, how you heard his breath mix between kisses. While Toji seemed cool and calm, you could tell he was just as into the kiss as you were.

Then, he broke the kiss. "I love you, doll." There you stood, outside the casino, the cold air hitting your face, you could still feel your lipstick smeared, your legs shaky after everything, your legs slightly numb.

Toji held you close, he didn't want to let anything happen to you, he wouldn't allow it. He loved you, he had for years. You were his, only his, and he would tear anyone who got close to you to shreds.

God, did you love your mob boss husband.

on Pinterest and what do I see? crazy coincidence

&& if anyone saw how the “” looked different, it’s coz I copied this from my wattpad book i made specifically for this account 😼

[scarletttries]

Baldur's Gate 3 Companions With a Shy GN!Reader...(Baldur's Gate 3 Request)

Request: " Can I request for Baldur's Gate 3 companions with shy gender neutral s/o please?"

Pairings: Astarion x Reader, Wyll Ravengard x Reader, Gale Dekarios x Reader, Shadowheart x Reader, Karlach x Reader

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who sent in requests and has been reblogging my Baldur's Gate posts! Consider me open for any BG3 requests, let me know if you want to see more headcanons like this :)

Astarion:

- At first Astarion would find it hard to reconcile your shyness with his understanding of the way people behave. He would be suspicious of you initially, wondering why you insist on playing your cards so close to your chest. It wouldn't be until you finally warmed up to him and started to talk a bit more that he realised that this quiet tone to you is actually very endearing to him.

- When you two get together he would feel very proud to be the person you speak to the most. Astarion can be a little insecure sometimes so knowing that you choose to talk to him despite being selective with who you speak to would mean a lot to him. It would help him to trust you more too, knowing the the deep bond between you is almost a secret that you would never dare whisper to anyone else.

- Astarion loves being able to communicate with you with just a sly glance or a single whispered word, the two of you often having entire conversations without saying a word to those around you. When you need to talk your way into somewhere Astarion's always happy to do the talking, but he can't help but be impressed with the way you can navigate through a room quiet and unnoticed.

- As a partner Astarion needs more reassurance than he ever likes to show, so knowing that you'll go against your shy instincts to whisper a flirty thought or a sentimental memory to him when he starts to look worn out always boosts his spirits. He didn't know how much he needed someone just like you in his life until you became a core part of it.

Wyll:

- Wyll never shies away from the public or a spotlight, announcing himself as he enters almost any room, so when he meets someone who prefers to listen to those around them instead of interrupting, he'd become very interested in what you have to say. He'd make the effort to get to know you even if it didn't happen as naturally as sometimes other bonds have come to him, but as he worked to gain your trust and attention he'd never regret a moment of time spent getting you to warm up to him.

- When the two of you are together Wyll will never miss an opportunity to sing your praises, no matter how bashful it makes you! He needs you to know how amazing and appreciated you are, as he can never tell if you fully recognise your own brilliance.

- Wyll falls in love with the way you think before you speak, listening to every part of his story and really considering everything he tells you, never jumping to an assumption as so many people in his life have. He finds your accepting nature makes him a better man, and in return he only grows a deeper fondness for the way you carry yourself.

- As a partner Wyll always needs someone to be there for him, listening and reassuring, and he really finds that partner in you. He's never felt more loved and respected as he does when you give him the time and space to work through his feelings and history, the quiet stillness you bring to his life letting him find a peace he's never known before.

Gale:

- Gale has spent enough time studying magic at scholarly institutes to have met more than a few shy souls in his past, so when he notices you playing the shrinking violet he knows exactly how to give you all the time and space you need to finally share a bit of yourself with him.

- He knows that the most important things to hear usually come from those who don't speak unless they have something to say, and there's no exception to that in you. He really gives weight to everything you share with him, every opinion you pose, and every compliment you reward him with through flushed cheeks and nervous laughter. It only makes it that much sweeter that you don't dish out such comments absentmindedly.

- Gale also enjoys using a bit of your shyness against you, gaining a certain amount of satisfaction from being overtly flirty in public once the two of you are well into dating. He can't help but smile at the way you shy away from his loud declarations of love and the flirty comments whispered far too loudly across a tavern. His heart practically bursts when you try to hide your face in his hands when he's being far too vocal about how beautiful he finds you in front of the rest of your companions, and not a day goes by that he doesn't remind you of that fact.

- Thankfully he usually waits until you are alone to let his adoration pour out in his gentle words and touches, enjoying that while he can be a brash as he wants in public, he can feel your true appreciation in the quiet you spend alone. His life has held more than one dramatic chapter, so having someone who loves him so sweetly and mutters his name so softly when they praise him really means the world to Gale.

Shadowheart:

- More than anyone else, Shadowheart can appreciate the desire to keep parts of yourself hidden behind some firmly closed doors. She finds herself drawn to your quiet personality as the rest of the party are a bit boisterous for her taste, often favouring the seat beside you at any given campfire, knowing her boundaries will be respected, and any conversation made will be worthwhile.

- Once you two are together, she sees you as a respite from the endless questions of the outside world. The two of you can spend hours in comfortable silence together, only your interlocking fingers letting the other know you are still there. You give her the space to think through her decisions, but at the same time she knows that if you choose to speak up then she really should consider listening to what you have to say.

- Shadowheart finds herself more able to share pieces of herself with you, as you open up at the same gradual pace that she does. You don't rush to tell her everything or bombard her with questions like the others. Instead she'll often finding you waiting outside her tent at first light when she rises, offering her a hand for a quiet stroll through the forest as you softly tell her a tale from your childhood and she tries to imagine herself growing up alongside you, in a sweet version of her life she could almost convince herself is the truth.

- Shadowheart doesn't fully know her past, but with you as her partner, her future finally starts to come into focus, all because of you.

Karlach:

- Karlach has been loud and brash since the moment she could speak, so at first she thinks your shy demeanour is a sign of rejection of her friendship. It's disappointing that you don't want to talk to her, but she's not sensitive enough to worry about what every single person thinks of her. It would be endlessly frustrating to you that you have to really put yourself out there, making every effort to be by her side and forcing yourself to respond to her every remark to try and let her know you really do like her. In the end you'd just have to ask her to dance at a celebration with the rest of the group, and when she laughs and says she thought you didn't like her, please prepare yourself to tell her you like her so much that it makes it genuinely hard to talk sometimes.

- Once Karlach understands the concept of shyness and that it is not a personal affront to her, she will be very happy to do all the speaking for both of you. Every journey you take across the lands she will gladly fill the silence with every thought and tale, celebrating loudly every times she manages to make you gasp or laugh along with her.

- Karlach will take a lot of pride in the thought that you like her so much that you are almost rendered speechless, and get quite jealous when she realises you are being shy around other people too. Worried that everyone will be seduced by your strong-silent type behaviour she would definitely insist on holding your hand as much as possible, or loudly shouting across combat that you and her are an item just in case anyone was getting the wrong idea.

- While your personality might have started as a bit of a mystery to Karlach, once you two really know each other she'll come to highly value your way of carrying yourself, learning a few things about protecting herself from undue influences, while keeping herself open to the important people in her life, like you!

[morteisshipping]

I love him so much.

This is why I love Yoojin so much. I understand the feeling of hating oneself, I understand the feeling of wanting to kill oneself; but hating yourself so VISCERALLY as to immediately stab your clone and strangle them even as they beg for mercy? What level of hatred does he have? What does he see in himself that he couldn't even spare them pity for being himself? What does he see that he hates so much? That he couldn't stand the sight of and just went straight in for the kill? What is it that he sees in himself that he wants to erase? To desperately want to cease it from existence?

When his heart is so big that he cares for literally everyone else, but when he sees himself standing in front of him, he could only spare himself hatred and death. Why?

I also hated myself, I understand the feeling of not wanting to live anymore. But even I, when faced with my own clone, wouldn't be able to lift a hand against them. Yoojin on the other hand, would kill them on sight.

What is it that he feel? For what reason? When I see him like this, I just couldn't help but want to give him a hug. Maybe a tight hug so he couldn't move and then chain him into a cage so he wouldn't try to kill his clones again.

I want to be his therapist so bad, but maybe that would be detrimental to my own mental health lmao. I want to open his head see what's inside, but at the same time i don't know if i want to.

But by reading Yoojin slowly healed his trauma and self-loathing, it gave me hope that I too deserve forgiveness, deserve love, deserve to heal. Yoojin definitely more than earned it. He just needs someone to convince him that he earned it, that he deserves love too. Just like everybody else he loves.

SPOILERS FOR SCTIR FOR +CH 200

CW: (possibly) Eating disorder ED, depression

Something that keeps me awake at night: at the beggining of the story, Yoohyun's death isn't so painful for the viewers, because we only see what is on the surface of the Han brothers' life. It's through memories and flashbacks that we get to learn 3 facts: Yoojin dedicated his entire life to Yoohyun, they parted ways and in the end they reunited, only for one of them die. That's the introduction of SCTIR for us. Moreover, Yoojin is desesperate to leave the past behind, so he doesn't linger on his traumatic memories for too long, hence why the pain of reading SCTIR isn't instant.

It is gradual.

Yoojin and we learn that the past was never erased. It still happened, and exists in the form of Yoohyun's body out in the cold. Gradually, it becomes more apparent how Yoojin is still so affected by his previous life, despite his fear resistance skill. It starts with small things like him avoiding eating unless someone tells him to do so, always occupying himself with tasks that could be handled by someone else, negative thoughts about himself for every single action he takes and so on. I love, with all my heart, the manhwa, but the novel makes it so much more apparent how Yoojin loathes himself, to the point he keeps wishing he wasn't a human being, rather an item for his brother to use. It's so messed up to want to abandon all your humanity, feelings and concept of self just so you can be of help.

SCTIR is fun to read, but even more so with the unreliable narrator that is Yoojin. He sees what he does as nothing impressive, considering the people he is surrounded with, despite running the kisengsu facility, negotiating with the hair loss company to develop a new product, managing Seok Hayan's research team, mantaining diplomatic ties with Japan, training and helping other hunters and, most importantly, caring for all the S classes. He worries for their well-being because it's only natural for him to do so, as the Perfect Caregiver.

And, in the middle of it all, the only thing Yoojin spares for himself is hate. He doesn't want to live long for himself, but rather for Yoohyun, even though Yoojin already has been through the pain of loss. When Yoojin died in chapter 241, the first thing that he thought was Yoohyun. He didn't even think about how much it hurted dying (with a freaking shot on the head)! He just wanted to reunite and soothe Yoohyun that he was okay.

Speaking of which, in Sigma's arc, as Yoojin was alone, he really stopped caring for his well-being, so Sung Hyunjae took that role and did everything he could to help Yoojin. But, for him to even have to create a quest just so Yoojin could eat is what sparked my lizard brain to write this post.

My point is, there isn't an arc dedicated for recovery (at least until the chapter I have read that is like, ~300) and that is beautiful, because Yoojin is still processing what he went through, and we get to see that. Yoojin has such an interesting character arc as he begins wanting to forget the past, as it is too painful, to start running after it. He can't let go of it, because letting it go means letting his little brother go too. Which is why he says he will never be okay again in chapter 278.

[miange1]

Dexter, Angel, Brian, and James with someone who has a baby face w/ a deep voice

head cannons, male reader, reader has high moans, brian is a freak, doaks is secretly a freak, being way too curious with someone, they don't realize it's cause they're turned on and have a thing for you, spanish speaking reader on angel, kinda based off me, reader can be shorter or taller i really don't care

— didn't expect that out of you, by any means. you were the person who had called him to the crime scene, and since he had never really met you, he didn't expect to see that you're the one behind the call.

"There any blood?"

He meant to speak to angel, yet you answered right behind him and scaring the hell out of him.

"It's over here." He caught himself looking around, that couldn't have come from you? Could it? You had the face someone would steal a lollipop from.

"Uh..yeah, lead the way." He was so fixated on your face. Big, doe eyes your pretty soft lips parting at every 'ah..' of understandment. His mouth went dry even looking at you, why hadn't he noticed you before?

— When the two of you got together, it was very clear he had a thing for your voice. Especially whilst having sex, and he surely didn't expect your moans to be so high? Guess something made up for that pretty face of yours.

— Each time he was inside, he loved the way low groans turned into such needy and whiny moans for him. It turned him on when you talked him through, slow sex had him crumbing to you.

"Fuck..Dexter.." He thrusted inside slowly, taking in every single 'yes' and 'so good' Dexter himself wasn't at all a quiet person in bed, grunting and groaning along with you letting your own voices mix. He was so damn lucky.

— Yeah, you creeped him the fuck out.

— He wasn't one to care on people's voices, but damn did you get surgery or something? He might have called you 'kid' or something if you didn't sound like death crawling from hell itself.

— He was told to go to you for some sort of files, finding you at your desk.

"You the one I'm looking for? I need those files." He couldn't lie, his heart almost melted at the way you looked up at him. Was his voice too rough? Did he hurt your feelings? Damn.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Holy fuck.. nevermind.

— He made a rule for you not to sneak up behind him and to randomly start speaking. Scared the shit out of him when you did that.

"Right, Morgan said the victim had put up a fight before she was hit in the head, and—"

"What happened?"

"Oh my God— never again! Never do that again."

"Hm? What did I do?"

— He weirdly liked your face. Well, the cheeks of your face. If you did something dumb you would feel his fingers harshly punch at the soft skin of them. It was cute, he wouldn't lie about that. Your face stretching out as you whined for him to let go. It made his day, it really did.

— Now sex on the other hand, he would never reveal that to anyone. He was a professional, but on his own he would think of it from time to time. The way you would moan out his name, making that voice of yours crumble just from slipping the tip inside of you. His head would be on your shoulder, his own voice soft and talking you through it. He did that on purpose, so his ear would be close to your mouth. He desperately needed to hear it.

(he's so glorious i love him.)

— Debra was having another situation in which a witness couldn't speak English well, or understand it too much and he had been busy with someone else. So they called you over instead.

"Entiendo señora, haremos lo mejor que podamos pero por favor debe calmarse." Damn. He got distracted, drowning out the voice of who he was supposed to be listening to. Watching your face go into a look of understanding as the woman in the front of you hyperventilated, your voice so deep yet so calming as you rubbed her back and soothed her the best you could.

— He loved when you spoke spanish, whether it be small curses, or exclaims of excitement. He loved it all. But when you were speaking to him, he went all still. He could admire your voice from afar, yet right in front of him? No, absolutely not.

"Morning Angel," He froze up, snapping out of it quickly so he could at least muster up something back. "Yeah.." Yeah. Yeah? Was that the best he could do, jesus..

— Never had he expected to get with you. Let alone be able to fuck you. He was nervous at first. What was he supposed to do? He knew what to do, but he didn't at the same time. It was mostly a matter of being nervous rather than you being the first guy he's done it with.

"This feel good?" Paying attention to every single sound or movement you made, looking at you as if you were the light of his life. Your little 'Mhm' as he held your body close, going inside slowly and letting his hands squeeze at your hips and waist, soothing them.

"Oh, Angel.." Your accent made him shiver, his eyes fluttering shut and rolling back the more he thrusted inside. "Perfect.." He muttered, kissing your skin softly. "So perfect."

— Overtime, he would develop a weird liking to your throat. Everytime you spoke, he'd pay attention to your Adams apple and watching it bob as you spoke. He just wanted to choke you.

— Though first hearing you, he didn't know whether or not to be surprised or turned on. He found you weirdly unique, obsessed with your voice and always gave you reasons to talk. He would learn about your interest, just to make you talk even more.

"Oh, and my favorite actor had played in this movie and I feel as if.." and blah, blah, blah..

"Mhm..yeah,"

— He was listening, he swore it! And if he wasn't listening he had gotten some sort of recorder, just so he make use of it later on.

His cock leaked the more he moved his hand up and down. Trying to force himself to be quiet enough so that he could hear your voice clearly.

"Fuck.." Imagining you riding him, moaning like you depended on riding him and like you absolutely needed him. Voice wavering to whimpers and high moans— hell, he needed that so badly.

— Next day, he'd face you like nothing happened. Greeting you with a smile as you walked through the station.

"Morning Rudy!"

"Morning.."

[bunbun-mochi]

Broken Melody

Sylus x MC (angst with comfort)

warning: main character death, torture, prison, pregnancy, birth, myth spoilers

word count: 1369, no proofreading

preview: Sylus looked into MC's past after his passing...Slightly based on this

Spoilers: MC saw Sylus' history when their souls were bound, so here's the question, would Sylus see her history as well?

"Look at me... You're not allowed to close your eyes!"

Sylus remembered those words. He remembers everything she says. He remembered kissing her forehead before leaving. It hurts him just as much to leave his beloved.

"Sylus... I cursed your soul..."

She sobbed, he wanted to cradle her face and kiss her one more time.

"I cursed your soul... to never fade away... "

He wanted to come back to her, to hold her, to love her the way she loved him.

"You'll always be tied to me. Forever."

His last remaining soul watched as she gripped the black petal as if her life depended on it before she finalized her curse.

"This is my curse... Only I can...Grant you a true death."

He feels like this is more of a blessing than a curse. He rather die in his lover's arms than die in someone else's arms. At least he's able to see his lover a last time before departing.

As soon as she finished her curse, she took half of his soul and bounded with hers, inheriting his characteristics.

Sylus is confused. Although this happened in his past life, he had long let go of the memory. He is enjoying his second life, a blessed life where he found his beloved again and shared their love together. He is living a blissed life, where he get to hold his lover without any barrier, without having to worry about hurting her with his claws, able to become human for her. So why? Why did this memory come back to him? Why would his mind remind him again of his past life?

The scene slowly changes. He watches her lover, inheriting his horns, tails, and wings, scrambling away from something, someone. He can see in the distance, that arrows pierced through the air. He wanted to scream, he wanted to jump to her, to protect her, but he couldn't move.

That's when he realized, he was living in a nightmare. A nightmare he always wanted to prevent from happening in real life. That's why he always wanted to become stronger. Be the best, be the top. He wanted to give his beloved all she ever wanted and be able to protect her.

And here he is, witnessing this nightmare.

He allowed her to take his life just so he wouldn't kill her but left her alone in this cruel world where she had to fend for herself with no one there to protect her.

He watched her as she was being dragged away. She is bound by ropes and chains. She has bruises and wounds all over her body, covered in blood. He felt his chest tighten, heartbroken at how his beloved was being treated.

"Sylus..."

He heard her whisper as she was dragged away. Her voice sounded partly hopeful partly dejected. Part of her hoped that her lover would come back but part of her knows he is gone.

The scene changed, he saw her in the prison cell. There was water dripping on the corner. Mold grows at all corners of the cell. Only a small window on the top corner where the moon peaks out. The prison is worse than his prison. It looks inhabitable, so small. His beloved sat on the floor and clearly lost a lot of weight. He can practically see bones through her skin. Her eyes, were dark, lost of all lights, as if she long lost the will to live.

He heard footsteps. A group of guards arrived at her prison cell, listing all her sins and her execution date.

He should've killed them. He should've killed them all. None of those humans ever deserved to live.

He looked back to his beloved. As if the time had sped up, she is now caressing her swollen stomach. He saw some lights return to her eyes. Teardrop rolled down her cheek, onto her hand as she carasses her stomach. Only a single word escapes her mouth.

"Sylus..."

Her voice sounded so weak so defeated. Sylus felt his heart shattered.

Then she was dragged away again. He wanted to chase them. He wanted to protect her. But his feet are sealed onto the ground. He wanted to scream but no sounds came out of his mouth.

The scene changed again. He is standing outside the cave. The same cave that was his prison and his home. He saw his beloved frantically flying away while clutching her stomach, trying to protect it as much as she could. A group of soldiers chasing her, throwing weapons at her, trying to hurt her, kill her. It was as if they rallied an entire army just to catch a single person. It was truly laughable.

She was screaming in pain as tears rolled freely down her face. Then she stumbled into the liar, and gently laid herself on the bed, screaming in agony. He wanted to soothe her, to take away her pain. Then he saw it. His beloved birthed their child all by herself.

And he wasn't there for her.

His beloved cradled their baby in her embrace, sobbing and apologizing. He wasn't able to hear her because of the yells and screams from the soldiers outside. Then there was fire. His lair that he once called home, was engulfed in flames. A soft melody sang, the same melody that his beloved sang to him before.

Then a soft voice called...

"Sylus..."

"Sy... Sy... lus..."

"Sylus!"

Sylus flung his eyes open and immediately sat up. He was panting. He couldn't tell if it was his tears or sweat rolled down his cheek. He touched his face and he confirmed that he was indeed crying.

"Sylus?" His beloved was next to him, concerned. "What happened? A bad dream?" She gently rubbed his eyes and cheek, drying his tears. "You're ok, I'm here, darling."

Sylus slowly turned toward his beloved. Her gentle eyes... He saw the eyes in his dream, it lacked light, as if she gave up on living. Now, her eyes are full of light, full of life. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Trying to assure himself that it was only a nightmare.

His beloved drew soothing circles on his back and she gently kissed his cheek and forehead, comforting him. He never felt so vulnerable.

He failed to protect her. He failed to protect their baby. He failed.

"It's ok, darling. I'm here," She whispered, as if she could read his mind. "It's ok, I'm here. That's all it matters."

Yes, that's all it matters.

Sylus took a deep breath. "I'm fine now." He inwardly cringes at how his voice cracks. He used to believe that he won't be able to cry. He is strong enough to hold in his emotions. But tonight, he proved himself wrong. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's ok," she reassured her husband.

They stayed in each other embrace for a while before he finally breaks off. "You should go back to sleep."

"Will you be able to sleep?" She asked, worryingly.

Sylus didn't respond. His beloved smiled, "It's ok. We can read a bit and calm our minds before we go to sleep. Perhaps that way, we will have a better dream." She rolled over and grabbed a children's book. "We can read to our child."

Sylus smiled and nodded. She scooted closer toward him. He wrapped his arms around her, resting on her swollen stomach while she rested her head on her chest.

She reads the book, and the more she reads, the more sleepy she gets. Until she stopped reading, her breaths evened. He smiled to himself and gently lowered his beloved back in the pillows, rearranging the pillows around her head and body, making her more comfortable. He watched her sleep so peacefully. He slowly moved the blanket down, revealing her stomach. He gently kissed her stomach and whispered, "I'll protect both you and your mother."

He failed to protect both of them in his past life, then he shall protect them both in this life.

He settled down beside her, wrapping his arms around her, and holding her close.

Perhaps living is the best way to protect people he loves.

@madam8

[sheigarche]

girl shut up

I'm going to assume this is about Life is Strange because that's what I've been talking about the most in the last 2 months and I don't think any of my other fandoms would be bother by my posts.

So here are some hot take ideas for LIS posts I've never made because I thought it might upset some fans, but maybe I shouldn't be so quiet about it after all.

Pricefield vs DE

It seems like everything in Double Exposure was deliberately written to justify Chloe breaking up with Max.

Chloe showed that she was paranoid that Max may be using her powers to manipulate the relationship to make it work and that's exactly what Max did to Amanda and got call out for it in the end.

She also expressed how Max is unable to let go of the past and is haunt by it. So most of the game we see Max (and the player) holding on to it and struggling to move on until the very end. Some fans still can't do it and doesn't want Max to do it, but that's exactly why Chloe left.

Many people didn't realize it, but Max was struggling to establish herself as a real photographer in the years she was with Chloe, but quick became famous and recognized in the years after they broke up.

To me that's the game trying to sell the idea that they are better off without each other.

Chaseprice

Victoria and Chloe's posts in DE don't show anything explicitly romantic, it could just be friendship, but the intention to make it look like something more is pretty clear to me.

The writers chose sentences like "can you handle it, Chase?" and "I'll buy you a beer" on purpose and know exactly what the players will think of it.

Besides Victoria shows a desire in going from wherever she lives to see Chloe, and then Chloe makes plans to do a little detour to go see Victoria. Whatever this relationship is, they're making it work long distance with effort on both sides. Mutual interest.

I wouldn't be surprised if in the sequel we see one post or two subtly hinting that they're actually together. A picture on Crosstalk, maybe a comment from someone else on their posts.

Hell, I can even imagine an art gallery event of some sort where Max is invited and can bring her chosen love interest and Victoria is there with Chloe as her date... And that's how the devs manage to have a natural last conversation between Max and Chloe in person to give closure to their relationship.

And I kind of expect Victoria to come to them at some point, a little jealous or just proud of her girlfriend.

Langfield

Some people keep saying that Max wouldn't be interested in Vinh... But that's wrong.

The reality is that it was the first game's choices and Max's journey is what makes them fit together so well.

Yes, okay, maybe 18-year-old Max wouldn't like this emotionally dry 28-year-old Vinh. Maybe 18-year-old Max would have liked way more to know the enthusiastic drama student 18-year-old Vinh, who dreamed of being an actor.

Now this 28-year-old Max, full of traumas and complexes knows enough about life to see through 28-year-old Vinh's walls and realize that he is not dry, but afloat and barely keeping himself together. That's why she can really connect with him, as a friend or more.

It was the traumas and secrets that made her interesting to Vinh, just like his traumas and regrets are what make Max interested in him.

They fit together because they share some similar emotional experiences and they know how the other might be feeling in certain situations. And when they are together, they can laugh about it, have fun and be themselves, even if just for a moment.

Amberprice

Honestly I left this fandom years ago without shipping Pricefield or Amberprice, because of some reservations about Chloe's character. But now I'm back because of DE and I decided to finish Before the Storm... I can't get Rachel out of my head!

Seriously, what's this magic in their scenes and why can't I stop watching them on loop?

I always thought I had a crush on Max, but I actually have a crush on Rachel Amber of all characters. Maybe I am Chloe Price all along 😂

You know a ship is good when it changes your perception of the characters.

[vyl3tpwny]

genuine question: why is genesis so low on ur topsters?

also, if you can: could i hear why hawaii: part ii is rated 3.5 on ur rateyourmusic? (as opposed to like. anything higher)

(p. s. your music inspires me to be the sincerest version of myself, and for that i thank you. the impact you've had on my life is unforgettable.)

genesis isn't rated low. my number one album of all time is genesis' "the lamb lies down on broadway", for about 16 years running. my topster is organized by relative colour, it's not perfect but it just looks nice!

—

when it comes to talking about music, what i like and like about it, almost 100% of the time i NEVER want to discourage people, talk down to artists, or claim my opinion as fact. the only time i will actively talk down about art is if it's purposefully harmful (see artists like: Tom Macdonald, etc).

with that said, music by miracle musical - and by extension tally hall - often does this thing where there are a handful of really impressive, well written songs that just blow me away. but then the rest of the album outside of those handful of songs are either just ok/catchy or don't interest me very much. the tally hall gang's highs are very high, and equally their lows are just sort of pace-killers for the albums.

it's dynamics like these that prevent me from liking some of my other albums for similar problems! i think albums like queen of misfits and glitter are bogged down by an absurd amount of boring filler that could have just been left out or reworked to be more interesting, it makes it hard to ever listen to those albums front to back. ironically i don't feel that way about fairytails, my 40-song long ass album, almost everything in it still feels rather purposeful to me. i listen to my own music a lot, and once i've finished a project i tend to try and listen to it and enjoy it from an audience perspective rather than an artist one.

while i'm on the topic, i don't necessarily agree with even rating hawaii pt. ii 3.5 because in the past few years i've completely lost interest in the idea of weighing albums by arbitrary scores. nowadays i like to just give 4-5's to albums i like and then ignore anything else. it doesn't really make sense to me to assign a number score to something with good faith, other than to show that score to other people. interfacing with art is not a black and white process. despite the so-called 3.5/5.0 score i gave hawaii pt. ii whenever that was, the reality is that record has influenced me and i've enjoyed it. honestly that's what matters the most. we can sit here and talk album dynamics, technicalities, compositional proficiency, lyric profundity, and """""consistency"""""" (which is a word music critics love to throw around without actually realizing what the fuck they're talking about) all day, but what matters the most is:

Did you like the music? (Yes/No)

Did it inspire you in some way? (Yes/No) [Optional]

Does it seek to do harm? (Yes/No)

Do you respect the efforts and goals of the artist? (Yes/No) [Should always be the inverse of Question 3; i.e; if you answer No to 3, then you should answer Yes to 4]

honestly if you answer yes, yes, no, yes, then it's a good album. i really don't care. not every piece of art has to push the envelope to new heights and be the most innovative thing in the world - i mean wouldn't that be extremely fatiguing and overwhelming? everyone wants to be a critic and tear down shit that doesn't click with them within the first viewing/listen these days, i don't know why, it's probably an ego thing, bred by the echo chambers in the corners of the internet. but a lot of music criticism can be COMPLETELY discarded in favour of "this just isn't for me", and a lot of people go leaps and bounds, doing mental gymnastics over internal compensations, to just avoid saying the dreaded phrase of "this just isn't for me".

trust me, i'm someone who has immense experience with tearing other people down to compensate for my internal insecurities, it happens extremely often which is why a lot of art criticism makes ZERO fucking sense. it's never about making meaningful commentary about anything, it's always just trying to justify in the format of a dissertation - the subjective experience of "this just isn't for me".

so. do i like hawaii pt. ii? yep. is it a perfect album? no. why did i rate it 3.5? probably because at the time i wanted someone somewhere to perceive me as Very Articulated and Well Educated In The Realm of Discussing Art In Front of Other People, in Order to Appear Superior in Intellect and Refined in Taste, Because I'm Insecure Just Like Everyone Else.

[nextinline-if]

I don't know if you're still answering asks or anything but going through some of the asks has me thinking of so many questions lol these are all from the perspective of ex-lover F

how would F react with hurt MC confronting them with "I'm not just going to be your second choice! I deserve better than that. You left me for someone else, I honestly doubt you ever even loved me." before storming of with tears rolling down their face and I guess maybe F realizing they might have completely fucked everything up with MC?

Also does F consider how much bringing up their spouse in front of MC hurts MC and makes it feel like they got left behind for someone else?

And oh man knowing F slept with Lucille is kinda like a gut punch oof, When playing the game I assumed they married as friends and with F having feelings for MC that meant they didn't have sex but it being confirmed on here is like daaaaaamn like F you didn't just break my heart you fucking destroyed it, What are Fs' feelings on this matter if this is how MC felt? (especially it being it hurt the MC cause they ran off and slept with someone else while the MC loved them like MC is not bothered by anyone else's body count cause you know they weren't in love with them and didn't have shared feelings, its more the betrayal of trust causing this hurt. Like if F had given a proper goodbye and a proper rejection of MC feelings/breakup it wouldn't be as painful for MC, I guess my main point still being is how does F feel about an MC hurt they slept with Lucille?)

and I wanted to ask is if Percival was still around and since he was the one who invited Felix and F back how would he feel seeing at how hurt the MC is to the return of F or just seeing the MC even more heartbroken being around F?

oh one more angst question that applies personally to my MC and F, I play as Trans man MC who is exes with Fredrick just a scenario of my MC with his head down asking Fredrick "Is it because of how I am.......is that why you had to find someone else?" (I'm a trans man so I love getting to play characters true to me so thank you)

Sorry for the ramble lol I hope this ask wasn't too much or weird, I don't think I have ever sent an ask this long before to anyone lol but your IF is very fun and inspiring so thank you! ಥ_ಥ

hi anonymous! I have been on here in a while so I no clue when you sent this I'm sorry about that :) I didn't answer everything but hopefully this is sufficient.

how would F react with hurt MC confronting them with "I'm not just going to be your second choice! I deserve better than that. You left me for someone else, I honestly doubt you ever even loved me." before storming of with tears rolling down their face and I guess maybe F realizing they might have completely fucked everything up with MC?

F is frozen in place, their throat caught in their throat. Not from the shock of your words but from the shock of realizing just how badly they fucked up. From realizing that the little sliver of hope that was blossoming in their bosom may very well be snuffed out.

I guess my main point still being is how does F feel about an MC hurt they slept with Lucille?

This is complicated to answer, to be honest. I've answered A LOT of asks on this blog so it's been quite a while since I stated this but F slept with Lucille and did not enjoy it and really only did it for "duty". F would absolutely understand why MC would be hurt by them sleeping with Lucille but they know that they can't go back and fix that (or the other mistakes).

and I wanted to ask is if Percival was still around and since he was the one who invited Felix and F back how would he feel seeing at how hurt the MC is to the return of F or just seeing the MC even more heartbroken being around F?

If Percival were still around, he would be upset that MC is suffering. However, the fatherly & kingly part of him that carries wisdom would tell MC how important it is to face the things that break us with courage. MC deserves closure of some kind. That may be moving forward with F. It may not be. Percival would support MC but also encourage them to face their demons.

oh one more angst question that applies personally to my MC and F, I play as Trans man MC who is exes with Fredrick just a scenario of my MC with his head down asking Fredrick "Is it because of how I am.......is that why you had to find someone else?" (I'm a trans man so I love getting to play characters true to me so thank you)

I can only imagine the gut punch for your MC!

F falls to their knees, your hand in theirs, their eyes searching yours. "I'm an idiot, MC," they whisper, their voice soft and broken, haggard F places a tentative and soft kiss on your hand, "Let me spend every day showing you that my leaving has to do with how stupid I am and not because of you. Never because of you," F begs softly, gazing up at you.

Sorry for the ramble lol I hope this ask wasn't too much or weird, I don't think I have ever sent an ask this long before to anyone lol but your IF is very fun and inspiring so thank you! ಥ_ಥ

Please don't apologize. Your ask meant so much to me. And you playing my IF means so much to me. Thank you!

-Vi

[hooffuloftootsierolls]

Spoilers from leaks for S2(no pictures, just me rambling)

First of all, it's funny in the saddest way to see people depicting Abel and Adam having a healthy relationship with one another and Abel mourning his father. You guys are gonna shatter when S2 releases. Second of all,

I keep thinking about Abel's behavior towards his dad's passing.

In the S2 leaks, Abel only mentions his dad a handful of times, and it's never quite.. with grief. Still, interestingly enough, I feel like he's acting almost like he's trying to be angry or sad about his father's death.

He refers to his dad as "dearly departed", mentions that he's partial on continuing the Exterminations because even though he dislikes confrontation, "they did sorta kinda kill [his] dad a little bit, so... maybe?" and also he tries to retrieve one of Adam's guitars from Adam's quarters to "remember him by" before a grief-crazed Lute screams at him to get out and tries to hit him with the guitar. But this is all said in a normal, unaffected tone, not the kind of way you'd expect someone to talk about their late father.

Overall pretty apathetic behavior, right?

But what intrigues me is the fact that Abel doesn't even necessarily need to act sad.

Lute says it herself, nobody else cares about Adam being dead. This could just be Lute's view, but she doesn't seem wrong(which I am SO pissed about). Emily seems happy as a lark, Sera is moping about the Exterminations, everyone else seems more worried about the Exterminations being kept from them/the possibility of an uprising, and only think of Adam as an example of an angel dying at the claws of a demon, not an actual mourned loss.

Ok, so nobody cares, and I doubt anybody would call out Adam's secondborn son for not caring either. After all, wouldn't that just reinforce a reasoning for their apathy? If his son doesn't care, Adam must have been a real monster undeserving of any grief. After all, according to Lute, Adam didn't even like Abel. So why is Abel still trying to act like he cares instead of just admitting he doesn't feel sad about his dad's death?

I'm going to reference a line from one of my favorite pieces of literature; "And he remembered thinking then that if she died, he was certain he wouldn't cry. For it would be the dying of an unknown, a street face, a newspaper image, and it was suddenly so very wrong that he had begun to cry, not at death but at the thought of not crying at death"(Fahrenheit 451, PDF page 44). (Wow imagine referencing a philosophical classic in a Hazbin Hotel ramble-) To sum this quote up, the main character feels less horrified at the possible death of his wife, and more horrified at how screwed up it is that he wouldn't feel grief.

I think Abel has a similar situation. He's struggling with trying to grieve, trying to convince others that he's grieving, because he feels guilty about his lack of emotions. But still, why? What reason would he have to feel guilty if Adam didn't like him?

This is where things are less speculation and more just me trying to desperately find ways to project onto characters. The chances of this being nitpicky and semantic are through the roof, but Lute's wording of "Adam didn't even fucking like you" suggests Adam never liked him, but she still didn't use the word never. Also she said Adam didn't like him, which isn't the same as dislike, it's just a lack of like. I know this is hyperspecific and far-fetched but work with me here. What if Adam and Abel had a healthy relationship at some point, but they grew apart somehow?

Let's talk about Abel's time alive. Now let's be honest here, Viv is probably gonna find a way to make Adam seem like a horrible asshole father. Obviously he wouldn't be the best dad, but he was literally the first human father. In existence. He had absolutely no frame of reference for how to care for children, him and Eve were just winging it while already struggling to survive by themselves. Please for the love of God, I hope Vivzie doesn't try to paint him as a horrible father. I want to imagine he had a good relationship with his children. Abel might have known Adam as a loving father once, and that would explain why he would feel guilty for not feeling grief. So what about them growing apart?

Well think about how Abel died-- he got his skull fucking bashed in with a rock by his older brother. That had to be traumatizing. With Adam not seeing his son until Adam passed-- maybe even longer, if it's still true that Adam is the first human soul, because maybe Abel ended up manifesting in Heaven later which is a whole nother theory-- and also Abel traumatized by his gruesome death and possibly repressing a lot of memories from life, I wouldn't be surprised if the two were just... disconnected when they saw each other again. Adam didn't like Abel. He had at one point, but now they were distant and felt like strangers with each other.

Still, throughout it all, Abel still knew Adam was his dad and he felt they had been close at some point, so when Adam died this part may or may not be me writing my own feelings surrounding my grief of my late father he felt kind of horrified with himself, that his years of disconnection with his father actually led to him feeling apathetic about his passing. He struggled to bring out any emotion or feeling of grief even if he tried to play the part and act like he was mourning, but all the same also didn't want to reflect on his relationship with his father because he didn't want to feel the anguish of losing his dad.

But let's be realistic here, we're talking about Hazbin Hotel, a show that is desperately trying to make a commentary on things it knows nothing about. More likely, Adam is a shitty father, he never liked Abel, him and Abel never had a good connection, and their relationship was so distant that Abel genuinely couldn't care less about his dead dad and is just trying to act like he does for some unknown reason.

But fuck Vivziepop I'm gonna sit over here in my corner and make these characters more complex by projecting my own experiences and emotions onto them bada boom

[bucksbelly]

When the Universe Screams (13/15)

Buddie | Rated E | Chapter 13. Pick me up now, I need you so bad (reprise)

Time for a train crash of a confrontation (see what I did there?)

The climb up the train car is fucking brutal. Buck's been back in the field for a number of weeks, now, and he has had yet to test himself like this. It's the kind of exertion where every breath hurts a little, when his muscles quiver under the stress. It would be incredible if they didn't have to stop every few feet to black tag a body. And knowing what likely waits them up top makes Buck's brain go a little fuzzy. A fiancé. Presumably someone she met after the baby, right? Or maybe he knows and just doesn't care. Maybe he didn't want kids and Abby chose him over her daughter. No, she wouldn't do that, Buck doesn't think. It has to have been after. Whatever the timeline, a year and a half ago, she was with Buck. And now, after passing off their baby, she's marrying another man. Yeah, he gets why Eddie snapped at her. Even why he snapped at Buck. Buck's used to being the one to put himself in the middle of situations like that, of putting himself on the line to save someone else the pain. But Eddie's the same way, and this time, it was his turn to go on the offensive. God, he loves that man.

[just-4-the-future]

Boys with acne I love you

Boys with stretch marks I love you

Boys with cellulite I love you

Boys with crooked teeth I love you

Boys with weird smiles I love you

[lgbtlunaverse]

So I've said multipe times now (here and here) that thinking nmj is just so blinded by privilege he doesn't undertand that acting out of line gets people killed is, in my opinion, a misunderstanding of his character that ignores the part where he's, you know, actively dying the whole time and thinks that's a good thing. But that doesn't mean I don't think privilege plays no role at all in how he views the world.

Specifically, his view that death (at least premature or violent death) means something.

Death isn't always a tragedy to NMJ, but it is always meaningful. If you kill an evil dangerous person for your righteous cause, that death had meaning. There was evil in the world and now there is less of it. Similarly, if you die in the pursuit of your righteous cause, that death has meaning, because the sheer dedication you gave to it that you were willing to die for it will further that cause, and your bretheren will be invigorated by your sacrifice to fight even harder.

If a death isn't meaningful, that's an injustice and it is up to the living to give it meaning. That's what cuts so deep about his father's murder. There were no consequences, no changes, no meaning. Wen Ruohan was just going to get away with it! He fights and wins an entire war to make it mean something, to make it so that the unjust murder of Nie Mingjue's father is part of Wen Ruohan's downfall.

But this is a view he can only hold because he's the kind of person who's death will be meaningful. Most ordinary people's deaths are meaningless. Not ontologically, not inherently, but they are made meaningless because no one cares. For death to be meaningful you either have to be so powerful that anything you risk your life for will be impacted in some way. (Like, say, if you sacrifice a long life for immense martial power in a faustian bargain with a blade) Or if people with that kind of power care enough about you to do so for you. For most people, this isn't true. A starving street kid has no power to change the unfair world that put them there, even if they risk their life trying, and no one will do it for them once they die.

Nie Mingjue knows this in abstract, and of course rightfully believes it's wrong. But all that does is make it yet another righteous cause people should be willing to die for. Everyone's deaths should mean something, we'll make it so or die trying!

This is what the conflict between nieyao is about at its core. Because Jin Guangyao, fundamentally, cannot conceive of his own death as meaningful. Nie Mingjue grew up around powerful men who could change the world but refuse to do so because god forbid they risk a single hair on their perfect heads. Meng Yao, on the other hand, grew up in an environment where no one of importance would blink twice if you died. He was surrounded by meaningless death. Indeed his entire early life is defined by that lack of care.

Meng Shi dies and no one cares. Meng Yao gets thrown off a flight off stairs and no one cares. He has to be the one to do the caring, and once he's gone no one else will do it for him.

So he has to live.

Jin Guangyao eventually gets far enough that he actually does aquire the power to change some things... as long as he's alive. If he changes too much, holds on too tightly to his ideals, he'll die and it'll all be for nothing. He can't sacrifice himself for his goals because doing so would immediately render those goals unobtainable. No one will care about what he tried to do. He won't be a heroic sacrifice, he'll just be trash that finally cleaned itself up.

And well... Nie Mingjue dies, and someone makes it mean something. Makes it mean so much that the entire story of mdzs would not exist without it. Jin Guangyao dies and it doesn't mean anything. Most people are glad to be rid of him, and the few that are not don't do anything to change that.

[notsogoodangel]

I'm just saying that there's no heterosexual explanation for AJ, as the Champion, having a twink actually running Parkour Civilization.

[calware]

me

generally don't know what i'm doing

it is time to start my yearly summer job application process

the only offer i've ever gotten for a paying design job was one where i had to directly ask them to pay me. and i don't want to go back because they didn't have a lot for me to do (they liked me and apologized a lot but were like "she's not going to come back next year" because they knew how bad the work was. it was weird) i love and appreciate them sm but i don't want to go back

read on reddit that employers are more likely to hire designers with custom domain names

i use cargo collective to host my websites (free with my uni tuition yay) so i figure i will just buy a domain directly through them

ask my dad if its ok that i do this (would be paying with his money) (i dont have a job)

hes like yeah of course. but dont buy it from them directly get it from somewhere else it'll be cheaper

makes sense. again idk what i'm doing

someone on reddit mentioned cloudflare being good. it's cheaper ($10.44) so ok why not

again ask my dad if cloudflare is ok. he says "yeah i've heard of them go do that"

i try making a post on a subreddit confirming if this is a good decision (idk what im doing) but i cant make any posts because i apparently need a certain amount of karma to post (i have 2)

whatever

buy the thing

go to implement it in the cargo website

cargo tells me to edit the nameservers on the registrar settings

no idea what that means

i look it up and kind of figure it out

go to cloudflare registrar settings. it doesn't allow me to change it

go back to reddit to see if i can find a tutorial or something

find out that the cloudflare domain T&C states that you can't alter the nameservers

even if i read the T&C before making the purchase i wouldn't have even known that it wouldn't work on cargo collective (see: i don't know what those words mean and i had no reason to think it was this complicated. these are not things the average person knows about. and you don't know what you don't know)

ok i'll just transfer it to a registrar that allows you to alter the nameservers

find out that there's no ability to make a transfer within the first 60 days of purchase (no way i'm waiting that long)

ok. it's only been a few hours, maybe i can cancel and get a refund

find out that you can't get a refund

this wouldn't have been a problem if i had just stuck with my original plan (i do appreciate my dad trying to help me save money though)

it's less than $11. but i'm still sad

ohhhh i fucked it up

[flysafepapi]

after the scene we got of otto telling aegon that viserys did not choose him, and that he's only on the throne because they scene, combined with the fact that after his anger and rage about jaehaerys fades, the guilt will set in because he wasn't there either

i am on my knees begging for a scene of aegon going to visit viserys in the crypts or wherever his resting place is, or the remains of his room where the destroyed miniature of king's landing or whatever, and start talking as if viserys is listening, asking him everything he never asked when he had the chance, like "why didn't you love me, what did I do so wrong, all I wanted was your approval and you never saw me, what am I supposed to do now, please help me"

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe