#so when that didn't work you decided to be an edgy tomboy

[jeremiahthefroge]

Oh fuck guys lmfao

When I liked Aphmau the first time I was a little girl sitting in their bedroom. Like a GIRL. I mean not really, not on the inside, I felt very much as if I had been squished into the wrong shape but I never had the words to say it and it presented as intense self esteem problems, but like, long hair and #feminism (not actual feminism the real genuine feminism came later when my brain developed past boy bad girl good) and pink and the whole nine.

And now it's eight, nine years later. I'm sitting in the same bedroom, rearranged now, home from college. I'm tugging on my goatee as I read my notes on the first 30 episodes, taking a look at what I've gathered so far. A joint sits, smoking, in an old, cleaned-out candle dish on my nightstand, next to my t gel and the skincare supplies I keep on hand nowadays. I'm like... a real person. A happy person.

But both me and that little "girl" are watching the same videos. Hearing the same story, laughing the same way. My voice is lower that hers', but we still laugh the same way. We still like some of the same music. I wish I could go back in time to argue with her about Garroth.