#so when i played through it again at 13 i got SOOOO hyped for the fight with karliah. I'm talking i downed potions. ebonyflesh. flame cloak

[moss-feratu]

This has been sittting in my drafts forever so id figured id post it finally. theres no other part i was just motivated by the mercer attack scene (Nirelle is my high elf character)

Nirelle couldn't do anything except watch as Mercer pulled back his arm and snapped it forward. It landed perfectly between the edges of her armor, slicing through her winter underclothes with a practiced ease. The blade effortlessly slid between her ribs and into her chest. A fiery pain like no other tore through her, ravaging through her entire body. She tried to scream but the poisoned arrow wouldn't let her, only a soft gasp of air escaping as her chest heaved with the weight of the blade. She tried in vain to lash out, to thrash, to roll herself away from the monster of a man standing above her. 

She couldn't even blink.

All at once, the fire smothered out, leaving her sapped of energy. Her body felt vacant, empty, and detached from her mind. She could just barely make out the soft red glow emanating from Mercer's blade as he wrenched it from her. She watched in horror as the small scratch on his face healed. 

So that's what the enchantment was.

She didn't feel anything after that. Maybe that was for the best. Her vision began to blur, shapes and colors blending together. The last thing she could make out was the triumphant grin on Mercer's face, and the old bones of Gallus. She felt a sort of morbid kinship with the skeleton in the snow. Both of them cold, hollow, and unmoving. Left to die by a man they once trusted. 

[tennessoui]

oh my god literally every single prompt on that list is gold and i'd love to see your obikin take for all of them. hmmm... if i had to choose i guess first 13. co-stars au?? thank you lots of love !!!

ah bless!! thank you so much!! i'm slowly working my way through most of the prompts on that list so you might see many many more before I'm done with my ask box. I think after two more, I'll put em on ao3 to keep em more organized too. this has been soooo fun!!

13. Co-Stars AU(/7. Fake Relationship AU)(2.5 k)

“No.”

“Ani, darling, you can’t say no.”

“Don’t call me that. And secondly, I can. I just did. This is my personal life, the company has no control over that.”

“While you’re filming its movie and it’s giving you money, you’ll actually find that it does, Anakin.”

Anakin sits down heavily on the bench outside his trailer, leaning forward until he can put his head in his hands. He wants to run his fingers through the mess on his head, but they’re in between takes right now and the make-up department will definitely kill him if they have to fix him up again.

“Asajj, please. You know how hard it was to get to come out as bisexual. If the first person I date after that is a woman, no one will remember! It’ll just be completely erased, and I’ll be Anakin Skywalker, Playboy Actor again.”

“But you do like women,” Asajj points out. “So either way, you’d be confirming your sexuality.”

Anakin sighs and leans his head back against the metal of the trailer. “And it would be different if I was actually in love with Padme, but she’s just my co-star and--”

“Anakin, she’s your co-star. You’re in a blockbuster movie where you dramatically save her life and then kiss her as the credits roll. This is just business. You like her. You’re friends. Think of it less like dating, and more like going to grab lunch together. And coffee. Maybe a fancy dinner. Several times a week.”

“For how long?” Anakin asks, resigned and despairing and hating the fact that he ever got into acting.

Asajj sounds relieved. “Just until the movie’s out and sales are doing well.”

That could be months. That would be months. “And I have to?” he asks.

“Yes,” she says. “I’m sorry.”

Anakin doesn’t say it’s fine. It doesn’t feel like it is fine.

“They’re not looking for anything to be confirmed. If asked about your relationship with Padme, tell them you think she’s a great woman and you’re enjoying spending time with her. No comment on any sort of serious relationship.”

“Because a break-up afterwards might hurt the chances for a sequel?” Anakin asks drily.

“Exactly! We’ll get you a head for the business yet, Anakin. Okay, I have to go, but I’ll send you the information now, just so you know what you’ll be expected to do. We’re thinking a dinner tomorrow to start things off strong, and then slow afterwards!”

She hangs up before he can say anything else and he slumps back boneless against the metal trailer. God.

It’s not that he doesn’t like Padme. Ventress is right. They were friends before this project and Anakin knows they’ll be friends after as well. They genuinely get along, and it’s probably one of the reasons Anakin was cast in such a big name production: the chemistry between them when they’re acting is undeniable. She’s one of his favorite people in the entire industry.

“Anakin?” One of his other favorite people in the entire industry asks hesitantly from in front of him. “Are you alright?”

“No,” he says.

“May I sit?”

“Yeah,” he says.

Like he’d ever turn Obi-Wan Kenobi away.

“Are you wearing your costume?” he asks, without opening his eyes. Obi-Wan’s playing the villain of the movie, and Anakin has a hard time focusing on anything else when Obi-Wan’s around him wearing that skin-tight white turtleneck and cape combination, with his hair slicked back and fake glasses perched on his nose.

Obi-Wan sounds amused. “No, I’m finished for the day. Heading home now. You don’t have to see how silly I look today.”

Anakin smiles slightly, despite everything. In one of his better acting moments, he’d told Obi-Wan that his costume was distracting because it looked so funny on him. Really, it was just hot.

(Of course, Obi-Wan had taken his criticism seriously and gone to the director and the costume department. They had decided that it would make Obi-Wan’s character more threatening if he pushed up his sleeves in almost every scene to reveal heavily tattooed forearms. Anakin had hated himself and his big stupid mouth for days afterwards.)

“Is...there anything I can do to help, Anakin? I hate to see you like this,” Obi-Wan places a hand gently on Anakin’s knee, and Anakin has to fight a shiver at the touch.

They’d met at the script-reading for the movie, a handful of months ago. Anakin had set two clocks in his head the moment their hands grasped each other and Obi-Wan smiled charmingly up at him. “So you’re the one to kill me?” He’d winked. “Tall order.”

One clock signified the weeks it would take for him to fall in love with the older man. The starting number was pitifully small, but Anakin had been watching Obi-Wan’s movies and interviews for years before meeting him. He’d known something about the man, which of course had paled in comparison to knowing the man himself. They’d spent two weeks choreographing the steps of the final fight scene, just the two of them in a repurposed ballet studio.

Looking back, Anakin isn’t sure how he’d survived. And he had never wanted it to end.

Which is the other clock, still ticking down in his head. The moment filming ends, and they go their separate ways. They’ll probably keep in touch, but Anakin won’t see him constantly, won’t be able to lean into the weight of Obi-Wan’s hand on his shoulder, his knee, sometimes even on his cheek when he leans down in between takes to tell him how good of a job he’s done.

“Anakin?”

“Sorry,” Anakin snaps to the present. “Sorry. I was in my head. I. I don’t think so, no.”

“Oh,” Obi-Wan says, tensing his hand as if he’s planning to remove it, which Anakin wouldn’t appreciate in the slightest.

“My agent says that the executives want me to date Padme. To drum up hype for the movie. Because I guess people will think it must be good if the co-stars start fucking each other?” He runs a hand across his face. “Um. Sorry, excuse my language.”

“Anakin, I’m forty-one, I think I’ve heard someone say fuck before,” Obi-Wan sounds amused again.

“Yeah, I just. Don’t want to? I guess maybe--I mean you probably didn’t see, but I came out as bisexual a year ago, and I haven’t dated anyone since, and I just know the way the rags will write about me and Padme if we’re seen together. And it’ll be like I just. Never came out.”

Obi-Wan makes a sympathetic noise but doesn’t interrupt. It’s one of the reasons Anakin loves talking to him.

“And my agent just sent me this contract, or I don’t know, list of things I have to do because there’s no way for me to get out of this and it just makes me feel trapped. But they don’t even want me to confirm if we're dating or not dating, they just want to create rumors about it, but it’s my life. I want to do what I want to do with my life, date who I want to date.”

“Do you...have anyone you want to date?” Obi-Wan asks, hand stilling from where he’s been casually rubbing circles on Anakin’s knee.

“No,” Anakin says too quickly and then grimaces. Does he really get paid for acting? He’s always so terrible at lying.

Obi-Wan hums. “I could...take a look at whatever papers your agent sent you?” He suggests. “I’m obviously not really an expert, but I have been in the business a fair bit longer than you.”

“You’re not that old,” Anakin responds by rote, but hesitates, curious despite himself. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“I’ve nothing planned tonight except to have a glass of wine and pet my cat, Anakin. It would be a pleasure to help you any way I could.”

“Okay,” Anakin says, reaching out to lay his hand gently on top of Obi-Wan’s. He’s never done that before, never responded so openly to Obi-Wan’s touches. It’s an amazing thrill.

Obi-Wan flips his hand around until they’re holding hands, basically. In the middle of a public area. God, Anakin’s letting his crush get the best of him when Obi-Wan isn’t even gay. “Thank you,” he says, standing up and pulling away from the older man. It’s the right thing to do. The last thing he wants is for Obi-Wan to think he’s...predatory.

A harried looking crew member spots him as he stands and gestures to him to get back to the set. He smiles ruefully at Obi-Wan who gives him an unreadable expression but also a soft goodbye.

Later, in between takes, he forwards Obi-Wan the emails Asajj sent him, both the papers and the message at the top that says “dress nice for tomorrow at Delfino’s!” followed by a little smiley face he can’t believe she’d ever mean.

He knows nothing’s going to come of it, but. But he has to try.

----

Padme’s dressed to the nines in front of him. He’d compliment her outfit, but he’s already complimented her hair and her make-up, and he thinks she’ll scream if he continues to act as stilted as he’s being now.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs quietly after the waiter leaves with their drink orders. “I know I’m being--awkward. I just.”

They’re seated in the middle of the restaurant, and Anakin knows there’s two paps already outside, taking pictures through the windows. The rest will have arrived by the time they pay the bill and leave. It’s a circus and he’s the main event.

“I understand,” Padme responds, the angel that she is. “I don’t particularly want to be doing this either.”

Anakin presses his hand to his chest, jokingly wounded. “What are you trying to say, Padme, my beloved, my dearest?”

She laughs and he does too, but in the back of his head he can hear the sound of a camera’s shutter clicking. Everything feels fake, and he feels like he’s about to crawl out of his skin.

A hand lands on his shoulder with startling familiarity and for a second he thinks it’s a very brave member of the wait-staff, before Obi-Wan Kenobi is swinging into his field of vision, pulling up a chair from god knows where and sitting right in between Anakin and Padme, never once removing his hand from Anakin’s jacket.

“Sir--” someone says in distress, “This is a two-person table.”

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow and looks down at the table. “Well it certainly can fit three, so I would go as far as to say that tonight it can be a three-person table. Anakin, what did you order to drink?”

“The house white,” Padme supplies when Anakin makes no move to respond, instead choosing to gape at Obi-Wan like a fish out of water.

“Excellent choice, darling,” Obi-Wan says, rubbing at his upper arm absent-mindedly. “I’ve never been here, tell me. Do you serve a good seafood dish?”

The waiter stammers. “We have an acclaimed oyster platter, sir--”

“Oysters?” Obi-Wan smiles at the man, all teeth. “The aphrodisiac? What are you trying to get these kids in the mood for?”

Anakin blushes. “Obi-Wan!” He hisses, aghast. Obi-Wan’s eyes cut to him for a second before he smirks back at the waiter.

“I’ll take the oysters for the main course,” he says dismissively.

Somehow it’s that sentence that tips Anakin off, more than anything else he’s done tonight. Obi-Wan spends hours talking to the people that run the crafts table. He would never be so cold or rude naturally. He’s...playing a character, one that Anakin recognizes as being the villain from their movie (although without all the blood and murder).

Anakin only recedes into personas when he’s nervous about something. Can the same be said for Obi-Wan?

Padme, at least, looks amused. “Hello, Obi-Wan,” she says. “I see you’ve decided to crash our very romantic date.”

“Well that’s interesting, isn’t it?” Obi-Wan replies, turning to face her but keeping his hand on Anakin, although it slides down to rest on the crook of his arm. “I had Anakin send me the paperwork, mild curiosity, you know how it is, and I realized the strangest thing while I was reading over it.”

“Oh?” Padme asks.

“It never states which co-star Anakin should be seen with, just that he must be seen with a leading actor. And I don’t want to focus on the numbers here, of course, but in the rough-cut of the movie, I have thirty-four minutes of screentime. And you, my dear, have thirty-two and fifteen seconds.”

“Tragic,” Padme says, taking a sip of her water. "You may be considered more of a leading actor than I am."

“Certainly,” Obi-Wan gives her a friendly smile. Anakin is still stuck on the fact that Obi-Wan is here, that he read the paperwork, that he’s arguing semantics for the purpose of--of--

“And I suppose you’re here to offer yourself as a replacement?” Padme asks, leaning her head on her hand as she watches the two of them.

“Only if Anakin wouldn’t mind,” Obi-Wan says, turning to face him.

Anakin isn’t sure what he’s thinking right now. “But you’re not interested in men.”

“I am,” Obi-Wan says.

“But...you’re not interested in me.”

“I am,” Obi-Wan says.

“You are?”

“Excuse me,” Padme says. “I’m going to go to the restroom.”

“We’ll wait to order until you come back,” Obi-Wan reassures her, without taking his eyes off of Anakin.

Anakin bites his lip and hesitantly brings his hand up to sit palm up on the table. Obi-Wan doesn’t hesitate to intertwine their fingers again, like they had been just yesterday.

“I’m a very private person, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says quietly, all traces of any sort of persona dropped from his voice. “I’ve never come out, never wanted to. But I was so proud that you had when you did. And I--well. I suppose. You already get to fake-kiss Padme on screen, I thought that perhaps you’d like to try to fake-kiss someone else for a change.”

Anakin ducks his head and gathers his courage. He can’t not ask. A fake relationship with Padme would be awful, but one with Obi-Wan? That would be torture. Cruel and unusual punishment. He’s still reeling from the information that apparently Obi-Wan does like men and apparently he likes Anakin enough to come out for him.

But does he like Anakin enough to touch him and mean it? He has to know. He looks up at Obi-Wan’s earnest face from beneath his eyelashes. “What if I want to real-kiss you?”

Obi-Wan blinks, and a smile breaks out across his face. “Then you don’t even need to have to ask, darling. Kiss me all you want, if you’re okay with a clingy old man in your bed.”

“Not that old,” Anakin argues, smiling so hard he’s afraid his face will crack in two. “But I don’t want to kiss you tonight.”

Obi-Wan turns solemn, although his grip on Anakin remains tight. “We can go as slow as you’re comfortable with.”

“Oh, you can have me later,” Anakin says, waving his free hand in the air. “I just don’t want our first kiss to be for the cameras.”

Obi-Wan catches Anakin’s palm and brings it up to kiss lightly. “You’re right, Anakin. That should just be for you and me.”

The rough brush of his lips over his skin causes Anakin to shiver. He’s never felt so on edge, as if his body is a live-wire. “Good thing you ordered the oysters,” he mumbles, blushing bright red as Obi-Wan laughs loud enough to fill the whole restaurant with its sound.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Black Magic" *Part 14*

Awwww yeah, you've been waiting for so long ya'll, now your reward is two full chapters of....Well, I'll let you find out.

You're welcome.

PS- Okay fine I couldn't get too too NSFW right now, it's the middle of the day. Y'know what I mean? So I'm sorry it's so short, but I need to run out for a while and I want this to be extra special, it's a LOT of hype you know what I mean?

Check back tonight for "After hours" fun, and the finale.

Tag List:

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

Part 13

Part 15

(^^^ This is you. ^^^^ 😉)

---

You blushed and smiled while Rafael still held you in his arms as Chloe and Maria rushed over.

“Oh my God HOW cute are you? It’s just like the end of a movie!!!!”

“Chloe--” You started.

“Yes I know, you’re welcome,” She giggled.

“What?” You and Rafael both looked at her in confusion.

“Uh, I’m pretty sure you were about to say ‘thank you Chloe, for giving me the love of my life’!” She looked at you with an ‘obviously’ look.

“....Weeeellllll,” You dragged out.

“Seriously?” She scoffed.

“I mean I got the job--”

“By manipulating the system,” Rafael added with a smile.

“Hush you,” You hit him playfully.

“And Rafael did say he was already in love with me, Soooo--” You nodded your head back and forth.

“And he also said he wouldn’t have said anything SOOOOO” She pointed out.

“I mean, he might have, someday--” You looked at Rafael, who gave you an iffy look.

“....Thank you Chloe, for giving you the love of my life. Thank you for everything good in my entire life,” You said sarcastically with a smile.

“You’re welcome!!!” Chloe beamed, throwing her arms around you.

“And speaking of the end of a movie--” You started.

“YESSSSSSS….?” She grinned.

“Movie’s over, Chloe,” You gestured your head at Rafael.

“....What?” She glanced between the two of you, you gave her an intense look.

“Right! Right, you guys just found each other, soulmates and all,” She waved her hands and bowed out. You and Rafael were just about to savor your alone time-- when Maria came bounding over to you.

“See, chiquita I knew it! The first time I saw you, I knew it was no brujeria!” She hugged you tightly, then hugged Rafael. “I told you Raffi, she’s a keeper,”

“Yeah she-- oh my god baby, what’s wrong?” Rafael suddenly became concerned when he saw you were crying.

“I just--” You tried to stop crying. “I had made peace with that day, that it was just-- for one day,”

“Aww honey,” He shook his head with a laugh as he hugged you.

“No, look Rafael--” You looked at him very seriously. “I-- You, you brought me to your most secret place, your familia, after we hadn’t even-- okay we may have made out in your office but that didn’t really count--”

“Baby,” He stopped your rambling with a small kiss.

“You have to believe me-- I would have taken you to Maria, and the fountain, and HERE,” He gestured around the cave. “Regardless of any ‘spell’,”

He took your head in his hands. “And you should know that I’m telling you the truth because that whole-- yellow, swirly, vortex of memories should just PROVE to you that I’m under ZERO kind of magic, or spells, or potions, or anything. It’s just ME, and ME is saying that I love you. I love you, and I have always loved you, and I want everyone to know it,”

“Okay…” You nodded with a small smile. “I just...I still feel guilty,”

“Well DON’T,” He kissed your forehead. “In fact, if anyone should feel guilty, it should be me,”

“You?” You half laughed. “What would you--”

“I remember everything, Y/N. EVERYTHING,” He emphasized.

“....Meaning…?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I remember how it felt, being under Olivia’s voodoo,” He looked at you sadly. “I remember everything I...said,”

“Oh…?”

“I was so cruel to you,” He looked down in shame. “I was so…”

“I know it wasn’t you, Rafa,” You assured him, now taking his head in your hands.

“...I called you a psychopath!" He looked at you in shame. “I PUSHED you, I--”

“HEY,” You stopped him with a finger over his lips. “We both did stuff we regret, clearly,”

He nodded silently as you removed your finger. “It was awful, Y/N,”

“...Yeah?” You asked. You felt so bad for him, it must have been a nightmare.

“YES. It was like-- like the real me was locked inside my body, just watching it do this awful stuff to you. I was screaming and fighting, that’s why I kept breaking out of it,” He put a hand on your face and you kissed you softly.

“Rafa…” You stroked his cheek.

“And she-- she made me bring her here,” He nodded at the celling, meaning the cave.

“What do you mean she made you bring her here?”

“I-- I don’t know how, I guess she…’overloaded’ me with that stuff so I was literally like a...Barba Bot,”

“Oh baby…” You tried not to laugh, but BarbaBot was too cute.

“...She, she told me to bring her everywhere that I brought you, so I brought her here. But I couldn’t tell her about Eduardo even under her highest power, so she--” He stopped, looking down.

“What…? She did WHAT?” You became really concerned, taking both of his hands and gripping them tightly.

“She pretended to be you,” He looked at you with the saddest eyes.

“I’m sorry, what?” You blinked in disbelief.

“She pretended to be you, so I told her about Eduardo. But I was reliving telling you. It was awful, I just watched myself telling her, wishing it was you,” Tears came to his eyes as he relived it in his head.

“Oh Rafa,” You kissed him deeply, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “But it’s over baby, It’s over,”

“I know, I know--” He kissed you again. “I just...I can’t believe this is real. This is happening, carino,”

“...You called me carino,” You bit your lip with a small smile.

“Yes,” He nodded with a smile back.

“On purpose,” You smiled bigger.

“Yes, cariño. Mi amor, amante, I’ll call you whatever you want Y/N. For the rest of our lives,” He pressed his forehead against yours. "I'm yours, now and forever. We'll be together, for real," He kissed you again, like he couldn't get enough of your lips.

“And...I think we should start right now,” He bit his lip while staring at yours.

“....Have we not been together…?” You looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Remember that first day, that first morning…?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah I mean you were insanely--” You stopped talking, suddenly realizing what he was saying.

“Maria!” Rafael suddenly turned to Maria with a smile. “I appreciate you being with Y/N, and helping her but--”

“Ay, Raffi. I may be old, but I’m not dead,” She winked. She hugged you one both one last time and walked away, finally leaving you and Rafael together, alone.

“So...my place or yours?” Rafael took your hand and started leading you out of the park.

“I mean, Chloe’s at mine so--”

“Oh definitely mine,” He chuckled as you both got into the Uber and headed to his place.

-----

Soon you arrived at Rafael’s place; as soon as you walked in he grabbed you in a hungry kiss. You jumped on his waist as you felt his throbbing erection against your thigh. You were lost in his touch, his mouth, the smell of his cologne. You remembered back toy your perfect day, when you were memorizing all of this. And now, you didn’t have to. You could have it whenever you wanted. And you wanted it NOW. You pulled back for a second, looking into his amorous eyes.

“What is it, carino?” He asked softly.

“I just...I’ve waited for this for a long time, maybe forever,” You gave him a happy sigh, running fingers through his hair.

“Well that’s a lot of pressure amante,” He chuckled, blushing a bit.

“Oh no no no,” You shook your head, wrapping your legs tighter around his waist. “I am just so happy--”

“Well you’re about to be a LOT happier, I promise you,” He grinned mischievously as he carried you to the bedroom. He tossed you on the bed as he unbuttoned his tuxedo vest and then his shirt, his shoes and his pants. His erection was poking through his silk black boxers as he got on the bed and crawled towards you, grabbing you in an aggressive kiss.

“You ready for this, Y/N?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my entire life,” You grinned as you ripped off your t-shirt, jeans and bra, leaving your top half exposed.

Rafael gazed at your breasts with admiration, playing and cupping them in his hands. His eyes then turned up to you, you’d never seen this look in his eyes. Not even under your spell. They were wanting, they were needing. And it was for you. He grabbed you in another kiss as he slowly slipped off your underwear.

Here we go….

[katoodlez]

I WASNT READY FOR IT TO END AND ITS NOT READY TO END EITHER aka the sam and bucky show episode 6, season finale 😭

Let it be known that i wILL be rewatching this episode as soon as i can thANK you very much but for now here are my initial thoughts, as usual, there will be SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Okay so.

1. Sam Captain America >>>>>>> I WAS SO HYPE TO SEE HIS SUIT and man it did not disappoint. Im kinda disappointed tho that we didnt get to see Sam react to what was in the box from the Wakandans, but the reveal during the fight was AWESOME.

2. REDWING IS BACK AHHHHHHH!!!!! The fact that the suit was Bucky’s favor from the Wakandans and that he gave Sam another Redwing 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (even tho redwing kinda blue now lmao)

3. Seeing Sharon use the facial changing tech from Winter Soldier was neat!

4. “Bucky you had one job” LMAOO

5. Sam’s fight with Karli— OMG. It was such a hugeee throwback to Steve vs Bucky at the end of Winter Soldier, where both Captain Americas refused to fight someone that they knew wasn’t the true enemy. It was scary to see Karli absolutely losing it but also heartwrenching to see Sam refuse to fight her. When she said “stay down” and he said “no” I instantly thought of “I can do this all day” LOL

6. Karli’s death scene was honestly beautiful. And Sam descending from the sky holding her 😭😭😭😭😭

7. Bucky’s phone call with Karli too. I’m glad they had a chance to talk because they have some stuff in common too. And Bucky sort of playing the “talk it through” role is 100% something he learned from Sam.

8. Sam saving the helicopter and then people clapping for him. Sam saving the truck and the man being like “that’s Captain America.” Bucky being proud of Sam. Sam giving the speech and Isaiah and Sarah and Torres being proud of Sam. SAM.

9. Bucky saving the hostages from the truck and finally using his vibranium arm to its full strength and the man thanking him. He wasn’t used to being seen as a hero and it was so wholesome and sad 🥺🥺🥺

10. Walker just entering and suddenly getting a sort of redemption arc??? Idk man i kinda like it. And him and Bucky working together for a short time was lowkey hilarious ngl. “Lincoln, really?” “Great man, great quote.” “Not when you say it.” LMAO. Im super interested to see what becomes of Walker’s character with him being the US Agent and all.

11. Okay but Bucky falling off the side of the building gave me CHILLS it reminded me so much of when he fell off the train in First Avenger 😭😭😭😭 but the superhero landing AHHHHhHH

12. Whatever Zemo’s got going on here needs to be sorted out in some future MCU movie or show cuz this man be out here playing 4D chess

13. Also whatever Sharon’s got going on here DEFINITELY needs to be sorted out too bruh this woman is the freaking power broker for all thats good and holy

14. Sam going back and talking to Isaiah. I’m so happy they got that second conversation. And Isaiah finally receiving recognition for what he did. Talking about Sam being the new cap and how it won’t be an easy fight but it’ll be a worthwhile one 😭😭

15. Bucky going back and giving Mr. Nakajima closure about his son. And finally acknowledging that he didn’t have a choice about his actions as the Winter Soldier 😭😭😭

16. Domestic sam and bucky and BUCKY WITH KIDS. AHHHHHHHHHH

17. and lastly THEY CHANGED THE NAME TO CAPTAIN AMERICA AND THE WINTER SOLDIER. WHOOOOOOOOO

With that being said I feel as if this show was a bit too short. Even within the episode there was some stuff that i wanted to be explained more. Like Bucky’s conversation with Mr Nakajima or Karli’s motivations and giving her closure with that. Theres so much that the show introduced and didnt finish as well, like Sharon as the power broker or whatever Zemo’s doin and Sam as the new Cap and Bucky slowly detaching himself from the Winter Soldier. I heard there was a new captain america movie in the works and honestly i hope either that or a second season of tfatws will be in the future because THIS ISNT FINISHED. Sam and Bucky have just began their new arcs and theres soooo much new stuff going on. Phase 4 or even phase 5 of the mcu will be so insane. Im gonna have a sam and bucky shaped hole in my heart until we see them again but Loki’s in June so I will be alright : D

[dlamp-dictator]

Quick Ramblings (Anime Edition)

Lately I’ve been watching a lot of older stuff along with some of my backlog from the last two-ish seasons. Nothing this season really clicked with me save for In/Spectre, and I’m waiting for more episodes of the dub to come out before watching it. 

All in all this has been a rather quiet season in terms of anime, at least for me. I’ve been a lot more focused on updating fanfics and my original stories for the past two-ish months to really watch any anime that I couldn’t just binge. A few things in Spring has my interest, but that’s Spring...

Anyway... onto the anime Allen’s been watching these past few months.

I’m about half way through Cross Ange and I’m having a blast with it. It’s trashy, it’s riddled with fanservice, it’s premise is honestly stupid, and even the mech battles are a little lacking, but this is an show that knows it’s trashy and over the top, so I don’t have an issue with it. 

For a quick summary, Cross Ange is about an Angelise Ikaruga Misurugi, a princess living in a peaceful kingdom of magic-users, at least until its revealed that she had no magical talent and was immediately shunned and exiled from the kingdom as a member of the magic-less Norma caste. Taken from her home and forced to train and work as a mech pilot to kill dragons, she grows into a cold killing machine, with only anger and revenge keeping her going. The story goes into depth about a conspiracy regarding the Dragons, Ange’s origins, and a few other things, but again, I’m at episode 13 at this point. 

This is actually my second time watching this show, but stopped after episode 12 last time, mostly because something came up for me IRL and by the time I got back to Cross Ange I realized the dub was out and I was just waiting for that to wrap up. Speaking of, the Dub is pretty good, Ange sounds great, the voice actress being able to do spoiled princess and cold-hearted badass parts of her very well. And the rest of the cast sound good too with Hilda being my favorite, my favorite moments being the ‘on-the-next-episode’ segments, which are hilarious. To paraphrase one of them:

Ange: Hey, it’s been like 10 episodes since someone died, and we just became friends soooo...

Hilda: I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.

That aside, this show it just a fun romp. It’s trashy, it’s over the top, it takes itself almost too serious but not in a way that feels like they’re reaching. Like the seriousness only adds to the cheese of it all. I haven’t finished it yet, but if you want something fun and trashy to watch with your friends, this is definitely the perfect show for it.

Against my better judgement, I decided to look back at the original Fate/Stay Night anime. It’s been years since I’ve watched it and all I remember is a 3D-rendered dragon in a mid-2000s anime. And while that is bad, it shouldn’t be all there is to that anime. As of 10 episodes I can confidently say it’s... not... terrible. A lot of the complaints I remember hearing about this anime seem to be blown out of proportion, at least given the point of the anime I’m at. It’s got plenty of time to make me cringe even more than it has now, but that cringe mostly comes from me being a 26-year-old man watching anime that was probably a lot cooler to 13-year-old Allen that the 26-year-old Allen currently watching this now. For a mid-2000s shounen series, it’s okay. Not great, but okay.

This anime might get a Rambling in itself drafted up when I finish the Gacha Rambling, but for now I’ll just say I have two main issues with this anime: Shirou Emiya, and the World-building of the Fate universe. Shirou feels incompetent not due to how he behaves, but how the writers make him behave. The second issue... requires me to talk about Fate and its writers as a whole, but the short version is I wish Fate/Stay Night wasn’t originally a porn game. It’d make things a lot easier to explain and maneuver around if it wasn’t.

Also, I do prefer this English voice cast to Unlimited Blade Works. The UBW cast if fine, even great, but Sam Riegel as Shirou and Liam O’Brien as Archer is just too perfect a combination to beat.

Finally started watching Ascendance of a Bookworm, an isekai anime about a librarian being reincarnated as a frail, sickly girl. Her one goal being to write and curate books. The only issue being the world she reincarnated into has little in the way of mass-producing books, as neither the printing press or typewriting has been invented year, and paper is rather expensive. So she uses all sorts of schemes, ideas, and plots to try and get books made on some reasonable level, each time a failure, but each failure doing more good in the long term than she thinks. 

This anime has a very mellow feel to it. Not something I watch for the plot, but just to see this cute anime girl finally make handmade paper and read a book. The stakes are really that high, the premise is rather simple, but... it’s comfy watch for me. I’m about 4 episodes in and I’m glad to hear we’re getting a second season of this show by the time I finish this first season. Can’t wait to watch more of it. 

So Granblue Fantasy got an anime. Two seasons actually, but I only finished up the first one since that was the one that’s fully dubbed. The story revolves around Gran, a young skyfarer wanting to travel the world to see his father. Through this endeavor he gathers many allies and friends, along with a girl named Lyria who saves his life after they first meet. The story takes off from there in a sort of island-of-the-week format. There’s a few other girls like Lyria wanting to meet the other girl that might be tied to her past, or Gran and crew constantly running into the Evil Empire(tm) of this world, but it’s more episodic affair than anything else, each three-ish episodes covering a new island.

I like the anime for its action, but that’s really it. I feel like this was at a time before Gacha games got the more dark and surprisingly in-depth lore and story-writing that games like Girls Frontline and Arknights has, but that makes it more of a comfortable watch than anything. A feel-good anime, but nothing wrong with that.

Also, I can only imagine the amount of hype that happened in episode 12 where all the characters teamed up to take down Leviathan. I don’t even play Granblue Fantasy and I was getting hype when I saw Boxing Grandpa punching debris as projectiles to take out monster fish. This was a fun anime to watch, and I say that as someone who doesn’t play Granblue.

Last up, I’ve been watching BOFURI: I Don’t Want to Get Hurt, so I’ll Max Out My Defense. It’s a fun anime about a young girl named Maple taking a tank build to it’s logical extremely. I won’t lie, I’m watching this because it’s not an isekai and has a pretty simple plot to follow. My favorite part of the anime is when the admins and game devs try to patch the game so Maple’s Tank meta won’t break the game in half... only for her to come up with some new nuttiness that makes her even scarier. 

Imagine walking around a field, minding your own business, then you see this tiny shield girl riding a flying turtle while summoning acid rain to kill a mob of monsters without even moving. This woman is unstoppable and I love it.

But yeah, that’s it for anime. Next up, I’ll hopefully have the Gacha Rambling wrapped up by Monday. In the mean time, I’ve got work to prepare for.

[btsrmono]

Trial & Error | chapter 13

Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student 

Side Pairs: main x (nct) jaehyun

PART 12

“Would it hurt you to stop checking your phone for five seconds?”

You looked up at your mother whom was at her wits with you. After seeing a play that she’s been wanting to see since moving to Korea, she took you out for some shopping in Myeongdong, only for you to be paying hardly any attention.

With Jimin and Heejin constantly texting you, it was hard for you to not at least look to see what they were saying.

Jimin was apologizing and Heejin looked to be stressing over a test? Or something along those lines. You weren’t able to fully read what she said before your mom interrupted you.

“Sorry.” You threw a quick smirk her way before turning around to look at the jeans section behind you.

“You know, I’ve been trying to give you as much freedom as I can now that you’re 18 but last night was just unacceptable. You didn’t come home until the late morning, we heard you.”

You turned back around to face her, not feeling in the mood for this conversation. “I told you I was spending the night at Kayla’s place.”

“No, you said you were going to Kayla’s, nothing else.”

“Oops.”

Your mom closed her eyes momentarily as she placed her cell phone that was in hand into her purse. She then looked at you, taking a moment to try and read your mind. “You do it again, you’re grounded.”

Now you were annoyed. She hadn’t threatened to ground you since you were sixteen, what made her so uptight all of a sudden? “You can’t ground me, I’m an adult.”

“Whose living under my roof—”

“Dad’s roof.”

It was the deafening silence from your mother that made you realize off the bat that maybe you shouldn’t have said that.

“I’m sorry,” you started.

“A week.” Your mom raised her chin, eyes fixed on yours. You could tell she didn’t want to ground you but did it to assure her authority. “No friends over and no going out.”

Your jaw dropped so fast, you were sure you heard it hit the floor. “But mommy, Winter break starts after tomorrow.”

She stook her index finger up, waving you off. “Aht! Should have thought about that before back talking.”

She started to turn around as you quickly hug her from behind, making her stop in her tracks. “Please? Please, please?”

She looked down at your now pouting face and couldn’t help but to crack a smile. “There goes the kid I know. Let’s make an agreement.” She took your arms from around her waist and turned back to you before sighing. “No more use of your phone around me for the rest of the day and the punishment is lifted.”

That was it? Sheesh, you sure did have an easy parent.

You agreed and apologized to her before taking the next two hours to just hang out with your mom, no distractions. And you had fun. She purchased a lot of new clothes for you two and ended it off with a meal at a new restaurant that had just opened not too far from where you lived.

By time you guys got back home, it was 7pm and the sun was setting. You were surprised to be greeted by Jinsoul, whom looked to be slightly upset, at your front door.

You raised your eyebrows in confusion upon seeing her. “Hey, Jinsoul.. Is everything okay?” you spoke slowly.

She instantly put on an obviously fake smile, seeing the both of you approaching. “Y/n! Mrs. y/l/n, so nice to see you.” She pauses before turning to you. “Y/n, I haven’t heard from you all day. Is it okay if I grab you real quick?”

You glaced at your mom, knowing she was just on the verge of grounding you earlier. She smiled at you as she began to take the shopping bags out of your hand. “Go, it’s okay. Just be home before 10, you girls have school tomorrow.”

You nodded and said goodbye before Jinsoul pulled you away, storming out of the apartment building.

“Jinsoul, what is it?” you asked, wondering why she was acting so strange.

You guys continued to walk in the direction of her apartment as she let go of your arm, pointing at you. “Well, maybe if someone would have been answering their phone!”

You grunted. Of course, the one time your mom makes you put your phone away, you miss all the emergencies.

“Sorry,” you apologized, starting to take your phone out your back pocket to see what all the hype was. But just then, you a heard a thunder crack throughout the dark sky.

It was a bit cloudy all day but you didn’t predict that it was going to rain.

Jinsoul got even more annoyed. “Ugh, let’s hurry so that we don’t get caught up in this mess.”

You both picked up the pace and before you knew it, you were inside of her apartment. After taking off your shoes, you said hello to her father, who usually didn’t come home until late, from you what you remembered. Same as your dad.

“Hi, Mr. Jung! You’re home early.”

He smiled at you widely, happy to see you again. “Y/n, long time no see! So happy you could also join us tonight—”

You felt a hand grip your wrist before tugging you away. “She’s coming in my room, Dad, thank you!”

You smiled and waved at her dad as you passed the kitchen to go to her room. As soon as she opened the door, you saw Heejin there, sitting on the floor, wearing biker shorts and a t-shirt.

She was surrounded by multiple cases of water and chugging down a water bottle. If you thought you were confused before, you were utterly confused now. “Heejin? Why are you here? Is Kayla also here?” You looked around, wondering what she was doing by herself.

Heejin quickly finished the bottle and took a deep breath as she looked at you. “I existed before I met her, you know.” Then she picked up another bottle and started chugging.

“No, I know, it’s just...” You had never seen her without Kayla by her side, that’s all.

“Weed?!” Jinsoul yelled at you as she closed her door.

“Weed?” you repeated, lost.

“You let her smoke weed, Y/n?”

Ooohhhhh, you saw now. The party. You winced, now realizing that you probably shouldn’t have. “To be fair,” you started. “I’m not the one that made her. I had nothing to do with that.”

Heejin continued chugging water bottles in the background while Jinsoul rolled her eyes and moved to her bed.

“Ok well, you should have stopped her. Our company is making us take a drug test soon, how is she supposed to pass that?”

Your jaw dropped in shock. The thought of that happening didn’t even cross your mind. How could you guys be so reckless?

She looked at Heejin, disappointed. “You know if you fail, it’s over for you right?” 

Heejin frowned after swallowing. “I know... This isn’t good.”

“Soooo... are you attempting to detox right now?” you carefully asked, taking a seat next to Heejin on the floor.

She confirmed, nodding her head, making you giggle. “First of all, you don’t need to drink this much water.” You pointed at the ten cases stacked up behind her in a messy pile. “It’s a good start but you don’t need to overdue it. Make sure you exercise for the rest of the week and also try cranberry and lemon water as well.”

Attentively listening, Heejin made sure to make a mental note of what you were saying in her head. “Got it!”

You smiled at her but it was cut short when you began to frown. “Also,” you began. “I’m sorry, I should have been a better friend to you that night and made sure you didn’t do it. I wasn’t thinking and now you have to go through all of this.”

Heejin put the finished water bottle down before placing her hand on your knee reassuringly. “Y/n, don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s okay... Plus, if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Kayla’s. Why do you think she’s not here right now?”

As she rolled her eyes at the thought of Kayla’s name, you couldn’t help but to feel some kind of way. Why would she place all of that on Kayla?

You looked at Jinsoul to see if she felt this way too but all she could do was shrug. “That girl is bad news, I knew it all along.”

“Wait, you’re backing her up on this?” you questioned, trying to sound neutrual but it was obvious you were annoyed by the tone of your voice.

Heejin scrunched her eyebrows at you, wondering why you cared. “I would have never done it if it weren’t for her, you were there, you know this.”

You slightly frowned, upset with how they were pinning the entire situation on Kayla. “I just think... you should also own up to your decisions as well.”

Both Heejin and Jinsoul looked at each other in union, as though they were expecting you to agree 100% with this. Well they were wrong, you knew that what Kayla did wasn’t right but it’s not like she put a gun up to Heejin’s head that night.

“All I’m saying,” you continued, “is that Heejin, you’re your own person and at the end of the day, Kayla didn’t force you to do anything. It’s okay to admit that you messed up, hun.”

The room was silent for a while as they let what you said soak in. Of course they didn’t agree with you and it was obvious the only reason they were keeping their lips zipped was because they had nothing nice to say.

Until Heejin felt bold enough at least.

She took a breath in before giving you a snarky look. “I don’t know why you’re even defending her, the only reason she even became your friend and invited you to be a part of that stupid club anyway was because you were popular and she wanted to be friends with Jimin.”

Jinsoul quietly placed her hand over her mouth as you averted your eyes from Heejin, feeling embarrassed. You didn’t know how you were supposed to react to that. Like, what was she expecting you to do with that information? Talk shit with them?

While whatever she was saying could have been true, you were still firm with what you had just argued. And of course you were pissed, but you weren’t about to let them know that, you weren’t about to let them win.

Just then, a knock sounded on the door as Jinsoul’s father peeped his head through. “You have another guest,” he announced. “No more, Jinnie. It’s getting late.” 

She shook her head, yes, as we all waited to see who was behind the door.

He walked away and right after, the one and only Jimin walked through.

Speak of the devil.

You sighed deeply, the other two curious to know what he was doing there. “Jimin? Is everything OK?” Jinsoul asked, tilting her chin up.

He smirked slightly, his eyes landing on you, whom was already starting to collect your things. “Yeah, it’s just y/n’s mom said she was over here.”

“Well, I was just leaving.” You were a bit more aggressive with that statement than you meant to be, throwing everyone a little off with your attitude. But at that point, you didn’t care.

You secured your cross body purse over your shoulder as you stood before proceeding to walk right pass Jimin, not making any eye contact or even saying goodbye to the girls. Yes, you were mad. And you had every right to be.

You found yourself speed walking out of the apartment building but by time you reached the elevator, Jimin had caught up with you. He placed his foot in the closing door, causing it to open back up.

He walked inside, looking at you concerningly.

“What?” you barked.

He squinted his eyes, not letting your tone affect him in the slightest as he stood directly in front of you, getting closer to your face to examine you as the elevator door behind him finally closed.

Although he was extremely close to your face, you did everything in your power to gaze your eyes every place but his.

“What just happened back there?”

You rolled your eyes, already fed up with his prying as you crossed your arms in defense mood and suddenly you felt your face getting hot as you tried to hold back your tears. Just as you thought you were making real friends, you found out how fake they were just as quickly as you got them. It all made sense to you, the more you let it sink in.

He touched your elbow but you immediately snatched it away from him and turned your body slightly, hoping he would get the point.

Your intent wasn’t to be a complete asshole to Jimin but not only did you still feel some way about the comment he made the other day, you just weren’t in the best mood right now. You were slowly starting to feel like you didn’t have anybody.

Finally, the elevator dinged and the doors began to open up. You felt like you could breathe a bit more properly once you stepped out into the main lobby. You weren’t happy to see that it was still raining outside. You grunted, trying to decide if you should wait it out or endure when Jimin walked back in front of you.

It was then you decided to walk.

Although he would not let you peacefully. Every time you tried to maneuver around him, he kept stepping in front of you, not making it easy on you to leave. This somehow aggravated you even more and your eyes soon became watery as you finally snapped on him. “Get the hell out of my way, Jimin! I’m not in the fucking mood.”

Goddamn it. You were crying.

You ran your fingers through your hair, exhausted, letting out a deep breath you weren’t even aware that you were holding in. Jimin looked at you, uncertainly. You could tell in his eyes that he was genuinely worried for you right then.

“Y/n? Talk to me, you can’t trust me?”

“Why do you care? Mind your business!”

“Why do I care?” he yelled back at you. “Don’t even go there, y/n! You know I care!”

He was right. At the end of the day, you two were close. You were just too upset to be nice to anyone in the moment. Your guard was up. “You wanna know what happened? They were using me to get to you. Everyone here is phony and I want nothing to do with it, okay? That’s what happened.”

He was in shock, not being able to find the words to say. You chuckled at the ridiculousness of it all before attempting to leave once again. For a second, you thought you were finally getting away until he caught up with you once again, grabbing your arm from behind.

“I told you what you wanted to hear, what more do you want from me, Jimin?”

He suddenly grabbed you by your face, startling you but then, he began to wipe your tears away. The affection had you somehow crying even more. Maybe you did still have someone left that cared about you after all. “I’m sorry,” you managed to whisper.

He shushed you, gripping onto your face even more. “Don’t be sorry, don’t be sorry. I get it, y/n.”

You then found yourself burying your face into his bergamot scented chest. You were getting your tears on his sweater but something told you he didn’t care as he hugged you gently, placing one of his hands on the back of your head.

“Don’t let it get to you, you don’t need them. You got me and trust me... trust me when I say there are plenty of people that want to be your friend, y/n.”

“Yeah, probably for the same reasons as them.”

“Come on now,” he spoke to you, softly as he pulled back to look at you directly. “I know it’s easy for you to assume that right now but you can’t think that way about everyone, it’s not healthy. I’m letting you know this because I don’t want you thinking that about everyone that comes into your life right now. You’re a great person, there’s so many other reasons why people would want to be around you besides you being my friend. I promise you.” 

Slowly but surely, you felt yourself nodding your head in agreement. He was right, that definitely wasn’t a good way to think. And ugh, the sweet compliment. You were starting to feel like a complete bitch.

You stared at each other for a while. “Thank you, Jimin. I’m sorry for the way I acted.”

“No,” he spoke up, letting you go fully and creating some space between you two. “I’m sorry. I should have never... basically called you slut.” 

You lightly giggled, tilting your head to the side. “I guess I kind of was though.”

“You weren’t at all. And even if you were, I was wrong for that and it wasn’t my place, not even a little bit. I was just... going through it and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

You sucked your lips in as you awkwardly shook your head slowly, choosing to fully accept his apology. “You are...forgiven.”

He smirked, looking down shyly. “God, I hate when we fight.”

“Me too,” you admitted. “But I still have one question.”

He looked at you curiously, eyebrow furrowed.

“Why were you at that party and not in Busan like you said you would be?”

“Oh goodness, not that—”

“Jimin.”

He grimaced, a smile slowly appearing on his face. “I, uhm...” He looked down, suddenly not wanting to look at you now. “So... Taehyung and I kinda got into an argument. Like a big argument, which lead to me going back home early. I mean, as soon as the event was over.”

You raised your arms in shock. “Not again, are you guys serious?  What’d he do?”

“Jungkook told me, y/n.”

“About?” You weren’t understanding what he was hinting at.

“About the kiss between you and Tae.”

“Ooh... Oh.” That. Damn Jungkook. “It was barely a kiss.” He smiled at you. “What’s it have to do with you anyway?”

He shrugged, placing his hands in his front pockets. “It doesn’t, y/n. I just felt like you two were trying to hide something from me by not telling me and it made me feel some type of way. I just felt like with everything going on, you were pushing me away? If that makes sense...”

Now you really felt bad. You mean, you already thought he felt that way but hearing him confirm it didn’t make you feel good about it. “Please, Jimin. I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m sorry you felt that way, I’ll do better moving forward.”

He laughed, telling you to come closer before you two both hugged it out tightly. At least you knew for sure that you had Jimin by your side.

Right then, you both heard the rain lighten up. You pulled away, looking out the lobby windows behind you, seeing that it was doing nothing more than drizzling. “I should start heading back home,” you spoke.

“Let me walk you.”

After Jimin dropped you off, you wasted no time to take a shower and slip into some pajamas. You ate some food and chilled in the living room, catching up on a reality show before you went back to your bedroom, ready to wrap up the day. You picked up your phone on your nightstand as you flopped on your bed to check the time, only to see a text message from Jaehyun.

9:13 P.M hey we finished earlier than expected u can come sooner now

You threw your head back in exhaustion. “Dang it.” You actually forgot that you had a whole ass date with him and honestly, you were tired at the moment. But you made an agreement with him and wouldn’t want to break it. Plus, who in their right mind would leave Jaehyun hanging?

With that being said, you shot him a text back saying you’d be there soon and started to get ready. Luckily, your parents were in their bedroom, their door closed and on their way to bed, if not asleep already. They never bothered you at night so you didn’t worry much about them seeing that you were missing.

You made sure to disable the apartment door alarm before heading out and being on your way.

PART 14

A/N: dude i feel like it’s been like a month since i’ve updated lol maybe it has haha my bad there was a lot going on. check up for y/n and jaehyun’s date next chapter! 

[waterparchive]

Toxic Fandom, Public Heartbreak, And The Feedback Loop

Travis Riddle – October 29, 2019

Fandom by Waterparks is one of my favorite albums of the year, regardless of the fact that…I am friends with the band. There was not a single track that immediately stood out as my favorite like Take Her to the Moon and Peach on previous albums--but I think that's because everything on this one is so good, it's impossible to choose one. I Miss Sex/War Crimes/I Felt Younger would probably comprise my top 3, but every song is fantastic. And the album is on the shorter side but you truly don't feel that length, these songs all go through so many different movements--lyrically and musically--that every song is just dense as hell and it feels a lot longer than it is, while still not feeling overwhelming or messy at all. It flows great and hits some really interesting themes.

This write-up was initially sent to Awsten on the album’s release date, and I’ve edited it a little below for clarity/brevity, because I would not shut up about it.

1. Cherry Red - Starting the album off with that bark/yell is so tight. A year and a half ago in that parking lot going to get crawfish together I didn't really "get" this song, but after hearing the album several times it really clicked for me. I love how it acts as kind of a setup to the whole thing, getting the listener into your mindset and introducing one of the main themes of the album. I also like how it continues your color motifs; "blue and yellow let’s get together and be green" has now gone bad and turned to sour green, and it seems like cherry red is replacing yellow (red + yellow = orange hmmmmm). I also love how "You know I died for you" ties into the closing track, "I said I loved you to death so I must be dead."

2. WWHN - A really great choice for the first full song of the album to set the tone for the Fandom theme in contrast with Cherry Red setting up the emotional side of the lyrics. It's also a goddamn jam so it's great at hyping up right at the start hahah. I've probably told you everything about this already but I like what you're saying in this, and how it's something probably every single artist goes through in their career, but no one seems to say in a critical way (that I’m aware of). I'm sure this and other songs will make some fans upset because they're being called out but I like that, and it's some stuff that needs to be said.

3. Dream Boy - Lots of good stuff about fan expectations in this, dressed up in metaphors and really catchy pop to catch people off-guard. Love the phrase "Build-A-Boy, pick your pieces" and "Do you believe in love and is it because of me?" With people's weird way of crafting their whole lives and beliefs and desires on these celebrities that they don't know personally at all yet are so invested in.

4. Easy to Hate - I feel like this is the most straightforward and "simple" song thematically, but man it is so catchy. The sound effect that I'm sure is your voice in the opening before the verse is so damn cool. I like this first real hint of the colors turning to red. This is thematically pretty similar to other demos like ********* and Play and stuff so with how catchy and big this chorus is, it's easy to see why you chose this one to cover that topic. I'm also a sucker for someone doing the chorus in a song but stripped down like you do here. Those harmonies in the final chorus are also soooo good..........

5. High Definition - You're on some Imogen Heap-ass shit here and it's dope. I like this as a single choice since I feel like the emotional side of the album really hinges on this track--it's not a breakup album in the typical sense (aside from like Easy to Hate and Worst), but rather it's about the aftermath of the breakup and the emotional state surrounding that, the doubts and insecurities and vulnerabilities of losing trust in everybody due to one person’s actions, and this song is such a direct and succinct and sad encapsulation of that. Hate how this whole song makes me feel for my friend but it's also really pretty and good.

6. Telephone - This is some real Hellogoodbye-ass shit here with the ending of the chorus hahah. The juxtaposition between this and High Definition is interesting, basically both songs coming to the same conclusion--not committing to a relationship--but in totally opposite ways. With this one basically being "I won't tell you how I'm feeling, I'll just go write lyrics/sing voice memos/tweet." Is this about the damn pretty Target girl you tweeted about once? "Now I'm living on a target" and "all these aisles feel like miles" hmmmmMMM. This wasn't my favorite when I first heard it but it realllllly grew on me and now I love it. The chorus is so good and I love what you're doing with the music/harmonies in the background of it. Also the dumb shit after "I'll follow" always makes me laugh. Then the dichotomy between this/HD is emphasized in the closing Wedding Singer sample which I feel like represents the fandom; you’re going through this huge emotional turmoil, but we’re reaping the benefits by getting great songs out of it.

7. Group Chat - It works as a goofy little interlude but I also like what it says thematically (if I'm not just pulling this out of my ass anyway). On one hand it seems to me like a commentary on the inanity of some fan group chats, how in some of them they all act like they're best friends but really it's just a surface-level friendship. "My name's [whatever] and we're all friends! :D" and then also with the effect on your voice, seems to imply to me how mentally draining everyone in the fandom can sometimes be on you more so than Geoff and Otto.

8. Turbulent - I know some people just gotta have their metaphors and shit in their lyrics but I love how direct this song is. Just plainly stating things makes them feel so much more raw and real. I can't see how you could more powerfully convey the anger and hurt than with "I'd unfuck you if I could." Also the "sOoOoO" in the second chorus is still best part (also the barks). Also the pitched-down backup vocals are tight in this song, really gets you into the frantic, pissed off headspace.

9. NBA - I like the potential double meaning of the chorus in this one; everyone in LA looks like you cause I'm missing you and seeing you everywhere, but also it’s kind of insulting, like "everyone in LA looks like you, you're not special." But aside from that, another very pretty albeit sad song. The chorus with full instrumentation and harmonies really hits hard. I also like the 11:11 connection with tying breath in knots; you're always really great at bringing back recurring images and lines in your writing, it makes your discography feel really connected and like you're actually writing these things, it's not some producer in a studio writing lyrics for you. These songs all lead into each other; the songs on Fandom could not exist without what came before in DD and Entertainment. That evolution is always really interesting to see, how these different motifs recur and change their meaning over time. I assume the main metaphor of this might also be a callback to Crybaby with “chasing through dreams in bloom.”

10. IMHSBALIDWDA - Definitely one of my favorites, it's just so damn fun. And once again some cool vocal effect you have going on in the background, which I always love. The lyrics here are fun but also biting; I've been thinking of this as a commentary on how fans don't really care about an artist's well-being or life even if they try to act like they do, they just want new songs and good performances and new merch etc. etc. no matter what it means the artist is going through or how they feel when they sing these emotionally devastating songs. So the chorus to me is kinda like a self-care anthem in a way, setting aside all the negative stuff and admitting to yourself hey, at least I feel kind of better now; maybe not entirely better, but I'm getting there.

11. War Crimes - Another song with sad lyrics but musically it goes so damn hard, another favorite. "I'm forgetting how to hate myself" is one of my favorite lyrics on the album, as is "My death will be the fandom." I don't even totally know what to say about this song cause sooo much is going on and it's just crazy. "Let's go!" is also a favorite moment. And the "I saved my own life" calling back to Not Warriors is tight.

12. [Reboot] - Hey is "I need to sleep alone" a reference to Sleep Alone!!!!!?!???? I've already talked to you about this song a lot too so I don't have much new to say. The vocal effect on the bridge is dope. The breaths before verse 2 are maybe my favorite part, as well as what you do on "all on you" including holding out "you" into the chorus. And whatever's going on in the background at the end of that second chorus, I can't tell if it's vocals or instruments or what, but it sounds really cinematic and cool.

13. Worst - This new version is so cool, it has so much texture that the demo didn't. Vocals are also really pretty. The added bass and electronics really add a lot of rhythm and an interesting vibe to this; the bass is almost jazzy in a way? But then the electronics/percussion are almost like a dance beat but really stripped down? I dunno, it's such an odd combination, especially with the guitar just being acoustic. One of the most interesting songs on the album sonically despite being comparatively "simple" at first listen.

14. Zone Out - My least fave just because it's such a simple interlude, but what I like that it does is like...basically comments on the preceding songs I guess? It's like a question to the listener. At the beginning you've got Dream Boy setting up their expectations, then this comes at the very end and essentially asks them, "After hearing all of these angry heartbroken songs, am I still your dream boy? Do you still think love exists because of me even though I've gone through all this and don’t believe in it myself?" I like that it makes the listener confront their previous feelings and expectations before we dive into the finale.

15. IFYWWM - First off I absolutely love the effect you put on the vocals at the start of this, especially with how that effect abruptly cuts off; it's so weird and interesting and I never get tired of hearing it. The difference between the demo and this final version is amazing, I love this song. And "I said I loved you to death so I must be dead" is such a great one-two punch; it hits hard as a "fuck you!" line with being a way to say you don't love her anymore, but then you realize how sad it is that the effect has been this emotional death that pervades the entire album and eventually leads right back into Cherry Red. Which is also a depressing ending; it's so abrupt without any closure about anything talked about on the album, and the way that it circles back into the opener kind of implies to me that maybe there's a sense of circularity to everything, it's unending, the songs will always be fueled by heartbreak and the emotional trauma will never go away and dealing with it in the public eye of the fandom will always be overbearing.

http://www.travismriddle.com/blog/2019/10/29/toxic-fandom-public-heartbreak-and-the-feedback-loop

[problemsofabooknerd]

My Favorite Movies/Shows/Webseries with LGBTQIA+ Main Characters

Pride Day 13!

Check out the intro to my Pride project here.

I thought today we would take a break from books - and from personal stories - to talk a bit more about other queer media I enjoy. Sometimes I’m not in the mood to read, but I still want to get the chance to see stories about wonderful LGBTQIA+ humans. So, here we go, a personal recommendations list of movies/tv shows/webseries that I adore that feature LGBTQIA+ main characters. 

Movies

♡ Love, Simon

I mean, this is an obvious one. I adore the book, Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, but I have a little more love for the movie itself. I’m also currently on a high because I just rewatched it on my plane and I will never NOT be emotional. In case you don’t know, Love, Simon is a rom com about a high schooler named Simon who ends up being pen pals with another closeted gay kid at his school. It’s overwhelming, and Jennifer Garner never fails to bring me to sobs. 

♡ The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love

It’s super sad to me that this movie doesn’t get passed around as often on recommendations lists, but I think that is possibly due to the fact that it can be a little harder to find. However! If you are desperately searching for a f/f movie comparable to Love, Simon, this is about as close as I can get you. It’s full of antics (sometimes SUPER over the top), romance (between a super butch white girl and a super femme black girl), and a whole heap of other fabulousness. 

♡ Life Partners

A recently discovered one for me that I think deserves a bit more hype! This is a comedy about two best friends - one lesbian, one straight - as they fall in and out of love, struggle to figure out their careers, and generally navigate adulthood as BFFs. This is one of those movies where I’m honestly super pissed we don’t have more like it - it’s a movie about complex relationships between women that also features a shit ton of lesbian culture. Pride events! Gay bars! How many lesbians can you fit inside a Subaru! It’s all fabulous. 

♡ But I’m a Cheerleader

A true classic. I remember my girlfriend showing me this back when I still insisted I was straight, but lord oh lord did it make an impact. It’s always hard to recommend queer stories set in conversion camps (take one of my favorite books, The Miseducation of Cameron Post, for example), but I think this is one of the few that still manages to be engaging and really fun. Plus, Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall are honestly staples of queer media for me.

♡ Battle of the Sexes

‘Sup, super gay Emma Stone -  you truly make my dreams come true. To be honest, the fact that this is a based-on-a-true-story, gay, sports movie is just so perfectly me in terms of movie taste I will never be over it. Everyone does a remarkable job, but this is especially phenomenal in terms of how deeply gay it is and I love it to bits.

♡ The Runaways

Yet again, my deep and abiding love for movies based on true events appears. This is the movie that made me realize that a) Kristen Stewart is seriously a good actress and b) I’m super in love with her. This one is about The Runaways, the all-girl rock band Cherie Currie and Joan Jett were both a part of. It features scenes of KStew and Dakota Fanning making out so prepare your gay heart, lest ye be overwhelmed.

♡ Brokeback Mountain

Of course we end the list of movies here. I spent so much of my life believing the hype surrounding this movie - that it was just that sad cowboy movie and nothing more. And then I watched it and finally had to recognize just how poorly people had been talking about what an incredible film this is. I mean, yes. Sad cowboys! They are there! But the emotional depth and honest passion that is portrayed in this movie breaks my heart every single time. It’s just utterly beautiful. 

Obviously this list isn’t comprehensive and there are so many more on my to-watch list. For example, I somehow haven’t seen Moonlight yet, and that feels like a travesty. I also really need to get to Pariah and Tangerine. 

TV Shows

♡ Black Mirror - San Junipero

In case you don’t already know, Black Mirror is an science fiction anthology show, and every episode can be watched without the context of any of the other episodes. Which makes “San Junipero” just about perfect. It’s one of the only happy episodes of the whole show, and it gives me the most pure, joyful sapphic 80s vibes. I would kill for a full movie based on this episode. I would watch a million hours of sapphic ladies jamming to 80s music. Give it all to me.

♡ Sense8

I recently talked a bit about Sense8 in my post about what Pride means to me, because I think I always tie this show into my feelings on this month. In premise, it’s about 8 strangers around the world who form a psychic connection with one another. More than that, though, it’s about the things that make us different, and how those differences also emphasize our similarity and the power in solidarity. It’s a beautiful story about found family, and it just barely got its finale episode on Netflix that I’m dying to watch but haven’t yet because I’m honestly not feeling emotionally ready enough to handle it. 

♡ Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wow, this show. Wowww, this show. This is a pretty standard sitcom, about a group of lovable misfits who all work together. It’s set in a police precinct in Brooklyn, and initially feels like it centers on detective Jake Peralta, but the show quickly figured out that it had stars in every member of the cast. Two of my faves are Captain Raymond Holt and Detective Rosa Diaz, both queer POC that blow me away constantly. Holt is a black, gay detective who spent years fighting prejudice to make it through the ranks and be the stern-yet-lovable Captain of the squad. Rosa is a badass, bike riding, keep-your-nose-out-of-my-business bisexual Latina who owns my whole heart. It’s a show that does queer rep right, and a show that constantly reminds me to be happy even when it seems a little impossible for me to do that.

♡ American Horror Story

It’s bizarre to me how a horror anthology show still has some of the most consistent queer rep of any television show I watch. Now, this show absolutely has its problems still. Because it is a horror show, many queer characters get killed off. And my favorite season, Hotel, features a trans woman character who is played by a cis male actor. So, my warning is always to go in knowing the faults in the show. BUT this is still a show that consistently represents a variety of sexualities played by a variety of characters and actors, and I just appreciate it so deeply for normalizing that kind of rep over and over again. And I think I also want to give Ryan Murphy some credit in growing, considering the incredible work he is doing with Pose, hiring so many trans actors, writers, and directors to accurately shape that show.

There are of course other shows doing a good job with LGBTQIA+ rep, even if they don’t feature characters in leading roles. Shows like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Schitt’s Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Magicians are all ones I adore that feature queer peeps who own my whole heart. And there are tons more out there I would love to watch like The Bold Type, Black Lightning, One Day at a Time, Wynonna Earp, and Killing Eve!

Webseries

♡ Carmilla

Lesbian vampire! Spooky school! Soft journalist lesbian! Nonbinary side character! Queer kids everywhere dealing with the end of the world and the absurdly bizarre reality of their university! If you haven’t watched Carmilla yet, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s a shame, and you must come and join us all in the better timeline where you’ve seen the show and can also gush with us. 

♡ Her Story

This is a super short webseries, but one I would love to have more of. It is an honest, sweet depiction of the lives of two trans women living in Los Angeles, California. They deal with relationship issues, friendship, gatekeeping, loving women, loving men, and more. It’s an excellently done series, and Jen Richards is a remarkable actress and creative force, and I cannot wait to see what else she plans to do.

♡ Chosen Family

A webseries that is not fictional! Tyler Okaley is a name you probably know by now, if you’re part of the queer internet scene. He has been doing work for years in uplifting the LGBTQIA+ community, raising awareness, raising money, and a whole lot more. Chosen Family started last year, and I loved keeping up with it all through Pride, and this year we get even more episodes. Whether he is talking about queer people through history, queer immigrants, the beginnings of Pride, or even just talking to other queer creators, it is a series that celebrates this community in so many different ways and I love the work it does and how uplifted it makes me feel. 

Alright, that’s where I’m going to wrap up this list for now. I thought about also adding queer music videos to this list but it would double in size if I did that soooo perhaps another day. What are some of your favorite movies/shows/webseries that feature LGBTQIA+ main characters? Send me a message and let me know! 

[rainwashedhistory]

Quarantine Journal

Apparently I am incapable of maintaining a daily pace -- part of this is trying to fit ONE day in at a time and finish the day and then forgetting the next morning.  I'ma TRY to get back to it but let's go a little free-form right now.  Maybe I'll start posting weekly instead?  Today is 6/13.  Some shit's gone down.

Shawn, my old boss from WWP died.  I feel bad that I never got to tell him what he meant to me.  I wrote a pretty long memorial thing on insta/facebook.  I'ma repost it here too... with a couple, more honest updates.  Readmore at the end.

I'm planning to go up to Redding for Shawn's memorial right after Father's day.  Terrified of COVID but hey.  This only is going to happen once.  I'm gonna stay with my high school bestie, and hopefully see my friends Aleesha and Robyn, at least.  And get some chicken rolls.  The sushi place we used to go to is under new ownership buuuuuut.  And this will almost certainly be the last time in my life I'm ever going to go to waterworks park, so let's make it count, I guess?  I bought a cute romper onepiece swimsuit that hides a bit of the quarantine bod.

On the way to Redding, I am officially gonna hit up Liz's place!  I miss my girl. Need to meet Connor!

Stafford House is officially gone for good.  I have cleaned out my classroom.  There are rumblings that the school might be bought by another co. that wants to do more vocational training -- fingers crossed that happens and that I'll have a job there?  Yikes. Hello Future, indeed.  I also stole my CAE books.  Hell if I'm giving those back.  I also took my test binders and a few mini-whiteboards that Patti offered

There's been a ton of BLM protests here.  I feel guilty af that I haven't been to a single one or done much of anything -- I just don't feel safe doing so.  Both physically, at protests where cops are pretty openly inciting violence, and... situationally?  OANN is quartered here, and if my parents see me at one of them, I stg they'll kick me out of my place.  Things downtown are pretty boarded up.  And like I'd be donating but I need to fucking save my money because COVID relief unemployment is not gonna last forever.

I spent like 2 weeks not talking to mom.  Had a call with her a couple days ago, though, and it was... fine.  No major yelling about politics.  Phew.

Therapy... I went this week.  Meh.  I'm not sure it's helping all that much.  I really want to start going in person again, this teletherapy stuff is balls.

I've been applying to jobs.  It's the worst.  Especially because even though there are a handful of job postings, with COVID, who even knows what'll happen.  will schools reopen?  I should really start pouring myself into the online teaching stuff but so many sites make it so difficult.  I re-applied to ALI, god give me strength.  And I need to re-apply to Miramar.  SIGH.

I'm hanging out more and more (every saturday) with Ricky, Mat, Stazia, and Nick.  This is helping give me some balance.  And kitty time. Whenever their skittish cats come chill with me I feel blessed.

I killed my sourdough starter, somehow.  All orange tinged.  Nick gave me a new one (dried).  I built it back up and have since found a me hair, a cat hair, and a big ass bug in it.  WTF?  It still... looks good though?  Gonna give it a bit to see if it goes off, too.

Meals for this week incluced hot honey butter-glazed chicken, fettuccine pasta & mushrooms, and one-pan vegetable udon.  All three were good but not necessarily mind-blowing.  I probably should start food logging again?

Painted my nails all pride-y.  Will post a pic later.

Bought lighting for computer desk and bedroom, FINALLY

Cats seem mostly flea-free, though mimosa is still not sleeping on the bed like a psycho

FINALLY (like 8 months later) got my car engine steam cleaned, will try to get an appointment to get my engine checked before I try to drive up to fucking Redding

Got the prelim documents in for my RealID.  I need to get an appointment at the DMV but they're not scheduling them right now

School starts Monday. I am nooooot ready.

Mortgage is delinquent?  Inquiring about COVID relief stopped payment on our autopay and now things are all messed up.  SIGH I hope this doesn't go on my credit.

Haven't been walking nearly enough.  It's really hard to make myself shift into that again, and frankly I need to.  It's been three months since I've worked out at all.

Keeping up with RnM with Erica.... it's a fucking wild ride and I'm soooo glad she loves it as much as I do

Started playing Assassin's Creed Odyssey.  It's fun af, but also not like... engrossing like HZD was, which means I don't feel too cranky when I can't play.  holy SHIT the world is huge tho.  And gorgeous.  But again, maybe... too huge, and too samey-same.  I get that that's the region, but I loved how HZD changed so much depending on the area you were.  SPEAKING OF HZD, the news about H2FW came out and hooooly shit I am hyped.  We're going to Cali!

Here have some more mask GPOYs

Other stuff:

Temp still normal, in the high 97/low 98 range

RHR is hovering around 64-67

Steps have been in the 2-3000 range, yikes

Weather has been lovely, why am I not going out more???

Ok fam, that's it.  Time to shower, get dressed, and head over to R&M's for weekly mandated social time.

source

https://katalyst.livejournal.com/494991.html

Shawn, you were my first, and one of my best mentors. You promoted me to management when I was an anxious, terrified, by-the-book 18 year old who had absolutely no idea why she was even considered for the position. You had so much faith in me and my abilities and you were the most patient boss I have ever had -- you taught me every year, for years, how to start up the pumps again, until I literally could do it in my sleep, even now, over a decade later. You taught me how to fix almost anything in the park, and you never acted like there was anything I was too fragile or stupid to do -- even when others did.

You were tough, and I never wanted to get on your bad side... but you were also supremely kind -- I remember you yelling at almost everyone, at least once, except me. Even when I deserved it and I made mistakes that would cost the company money. I remember begging you to take it out of my paycheck and you just stopping and laughing and telling me it was okay, just not to do it again. I think you knew I would crumble, and all you ever wanted to do was build me up.

You knew the value, and the joy in a hard day's work... and you also knew how to take it easy, and that both are vitally important. I remember the day I slept straight through my alarm and you opened the whole park without calling me, just to give me a little break. I remember the way you taught me that management was never above any job -- if you expected your employees to do something, you'd always pitch in and show them that you weren't too good to clean a toilet, too. I'll never forget your 36 hour days, or your calling in well to work, or shiraz Saturdays. I desperately miss sitting in your office or up on the side of the river ride and eating pizza and talking. Everything I loved about Waterworks really came down to working with you and the community you helped foster there.

You taught me how to find my voice and stand on my own two feet in a job that I found utterly terrifying, after living with a family where I never had one. You were a second dad to me -- one who stuck up for me, who was always in my corner. I honestly don't think, if it weren't for you, that I would have found the confidence to pursue teaching. There is so much good in my life that you helped me reach for, and I will always be grateful.I'll be opening a big bottle of Yellowtail this Saturday in your honor. I miss you.

[patricksilvrrozartistry]

Current Music Obsessions: November 16 - 30, 2017

Soooo there's A LOT of stuff this time. I PURGED my watch later playlist and there's still over a hundred songs on there. ANYWAYS, here are the honorable mentions.

Then Comes Silence - Warm like Blood Lyria - What Do You Want From Me? Witchcraft - Холодный свет A Skylit Drive - Wires and the Conscept of Breathing Fenrir's Scar - From Porcelain to Ivory Royal Blood - How Did We Get so Dark? Cadence Calling - The Accounts of Evil The Oblivion - Helios In this Moment - Roots Demether - Two Roses Tears of Martyr - Evil Domini Words as Knives - Over the Abyss Kobra and the Lotus - Prevail Aftereffect - Fade Away HDK - Pedestal Diamond Black - Sorrow A Crowd of Rebellion - M1917 Alaska Thunderfuck - Come to Brazil Syndemic - Exileseeker Crimfall - The Last of Stands Elephants in Paradise - Feeding a Lie Kalela - LMK Sinistro - Lotus Mercury Killed Newton - Arusha Mourning Sun - Latitud:56'S Aly & AJ - I Know Satanicpornocultshop - Left Handed Darling Imperious - Scorn Cellar Darling - Six Days Lake of Silent Terror - Eyes of God Pale Waves - New Year's Eve A Sound of Thunder - Lifebringer

And the many obsessions.

1) Wheelfall - Impenitent

If you're looking for a death metal track with a dope ass intro, this is the song for you. The intro is so cool and different. It's your typical death metal track, but there's something about this song that's just so epic. Definitely a great listen.

2) Dim7 - Apophis Enigmata

This is blackened doom metal at its finest. It oddly has a groovy vibe to it in the early parts, but then it gets very doomy towards the end. I'm really digging the new direction that these guys are going it. I really enjoyed their gothic doom metal stuff from their early days, but this new stuff is pretty damn awesome.

3) Skarlett Riot - Warrior

This band fuses really catchy vocal lines with some badass riffs and I love the contrast between them. This band is really starting to grow on me the more and more I listen to them. This is a great jam and the breakdown near the end is a great way to tone things down a bit while still maintaining a lot of energy.

4) Moon Tooth - Little Witch

This song and video are so campy that it's making me love them. I'm still very new to these guys, so I don't know if a lot of their stuff is this cheesy, but even if isn't, I'm loving it. Definitely has a psychedelic rock, classic doom metal vibe to it. Go give these guys a listen.

5) Diablo Swing Orchestra - Knucklehugs (Arm Yourself with Love)

This is the first single off their upcoming album and I am so hyped for it. This song is pure camp fused with being an anthem track. Although I'll definitely miss them having  a soprano, their new frontwoman is bringing some new dimensions to them that's going to make them campier and I'm beyond excited for that.

6) Ruins of Elysium - The Birth of a Goddess

This is their latest single off their latest album and is definitely one of the highlights off it. We really need more bands like Ruins of Elysium that show their love and support for the LGBT community in their music, especially in the symphonic metal scene. Not only that, but be open enough to show to the world that they're fronted by someone in the community. This song speaks to me on so many levels being the bi dude that I am, and I can't help but feel so loved by such an amazing band. I can't wait to be able to meet Drake, because ya bitch needs to do that.

7) Cradle of Filth - Vengeful Spirit feat. Liv Kristine

Cryptoriana is handsdown their best album in the past decade, and this song is proof of that. I never expected Liv to collaborate with them again, especially on a more aggressive track like this. It's an epic adventure from start to finish and I can't get enough of it. If you're going to listen to anything off this gorgeous album, listen to this.

8) Rivers of Nihil - Perpetual Growth Machine

I rekindled my love for this ballbuster recently. I really need to listen to everything else this band has released, because this is the only song I've listened to from them. The riffs are so great and are always in your face. Don't even get me started on how intense the bridge is. Needless to say, it mutilated my balls.

9) Aeonian Sorrow - Forever Misery

I'm so happy to hear that Gogo of Luna Obscura is in an active project again. This song is completely different from the stuff from them. She sings in a much lower register. Oh, and this is depressive doom metal and not gothic metal. Such a hauntingly beautiful track.

10) HDK - Mortal Zombie

Discovered this song after I watched an interview for Sander's project Phantom Elite and they mentioned he was part of After Forever and I couldn't remember who he was so I went onto the metal archives and found this project under him and checked it out. This song is so epic. It's a bit cheesy, but the fact that it's such an intense and in your face track makes up for it.

11) Amberian Dawn - Dragonflies

I am blown away by how insanely epic this new album is proving itself to be already and I haven't even heard it yet. They're definitely going in a more faster direction and playing with some prog vibes. This is such an epic track and Capri looks insane in the video.

12) Evenoire - Forever Gone

This band never seems to fail me. Each song is such an epic piece of work. This song is so beautiful and has such a cool vibe to it and flows so nicely. I really love how proggy it is and how it switches tone a decent amount. Also it's the first song I've heard from them that features growls.

13) Apparition - The Dames of Darkness

This was a random find that I am so glad I came across. Such a beautiful and power gothic metal track. The end of the final chorus is everything. I love finding these hidden gems that snatch your edges out of nowhere.

14) Metalite - Purpose of Life

This band definitely has my attention. I'm very much looking forward to listening to their debut album, because everything I'm hearing so far is amazing. The strong electronic element goes so well with their power metal sound. Not to mention this song is definitely the fastest that I've heard from them so far.

15) Kartikeya - Durga Puja

I discovered this song through the band's record label and I'm so intrigued. It starts out sounding like progressive death metal, then it gets really weird during the bridge. Like, really weird. It sounds like the frontman is just speaking gibberish, but not a beat-boxing gibberish that Korn uses in their songs, this sounds like legit gibberish. I'm definitely am gonna listen to more from these guys and see what other interesting things they got going on.

16) Gravity - Noctifer ~ Le Porteur de Nuit

I discovered these guys not too long ago and this is the second song I've heard so far. They're a progressive death metal band with some strong djent vibes. I really want to hear more from them, because they have such an interesting sound. It sounds atmospheric, but is way to aggressive to be atmospheric.

17) Forbidden Lore - Endless Run

Another random discovery that snatched my edges. This is such a powerful symphonic power metal track and I need more of it. It's rare to find songs like this on the Metal Monks page, so when I saw it, I had to give it a listen, and I'm so glad I did. Their frontwoman has such a strong voice and I need more of it.

18) Eluveitie - Rebirth

This is their first metal single with the new lineup and I'm not mad at it. I was worried I wasn't going to like their new female singer as much as Anna, but she definitely fits very well. And it's also really great to hear a ballbuster that's reminiscent to some of their earlier stuff.

19) The Hardkiss - Part of Me

I was on a huge The Hardkiss kick for a minute and this was the main song I was jamming to. It's so catchy and fun and the bridge gets me every time. I wonder if they'll go back to having the obnoxiously artsy videos like they did back during the Stones and Honey days, because those were always fun to look at.

20) Aura's Seers - In Our Minds

This is their latest song and it's gorgeous. I LOVE the blend of trip hop with atmospheric metal. It has such a weird and beautiful contrast. And the video is breathtakingly beautiful. I can't wait to hear a full length album from them.

21) Lil Peep - The Brightside

It's so sad that he's past away. Especially since I discovered him maybe a month beforehand. This was the second song I heard from him and it really hits hard with what's going on right now. This song embodies the struggles he was going through. But even though things were really rough for him, he always wanted to look on the brightside. Even if he couldn't, he wanted his fans to at least do so with whatever situation they were/are going through.

22) Navarone - Step by Step

I discovered these guys a while back through either Marcela Bovio or Dianne Van Giersbergen and I really dig their sound. They're very different compared to majority of the Dutch bands I listen to. I guess you could say it's prog, but it's definitely not metal by any means. Such a fun song and a great jam. Really am looking forward to hearing more from these guys.

23) Johari - Bloom

Found a new gem on Spaceuntravel. These guys are ambient progressive metal that remind me a lot of Ashe O'hara's era with Tesseract. It has this soft, but in your face vibe to it that I really like. I'm definitely am gonna be listening to their new album sometime soon, because this song is just so great that I need to hear more from them.

24) Maidens of the North - Carry Your Darkness

Randomly came across this song one day and decided to check it out. I’m so glad I did. This song is so great. An all girl symphonic metal band. Do you know how hard it is to find an all girl metal band? Very! I’m definitely looking forward to what they release in the future, because this song alone is amazing.

25) Snovonne - Filth

For some reason this song reminds me of a Manson song, but it's nothing like a Manson. I came across them through a Facebook page and instantly fell in love with the bizarre and creepy atmosphere. It's so different from what I'm used to hearing from gothic metal bands that have a symphonic element to it. Definitely am gonna check out more from them.

That's it! There's probably gonna be a lot next time, so here's your warning!

[peterjonesparker]

i got tagged by @spideyxchelle. which, i’m not gonna lie, i freaked out because i’m totally obsessed with their headcanons.

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I tag: @accioharry, @bellamywarriorblake, @happilyminiaturetastemaker, @jugghead-jonez, @raejustrae, @restinlinguine, @transpeter, @tomhollandcouk, @leslipigeonoficial, @geniusparker, @parkrpeters, @peterprakers, @captainkirkk, @cassianscamanders, @perhalta, @khaleesinthenorth, @casuallywhatever, @wreenbiinee, @dorkynikki, @emmalozzy

the last

1. drink: a mixture of root beer and cream soda because i went to dinner with my dad and they had fancy soda things.

2. phone call: my mom! she wanted to see if her phone was working so she called me to check.

3. text message: my sister, to tell her that she isn’t funny. which is a lie, because she’s very funny.

4. song you listened to: in cold blood by alt-j. i’m making peter parker and michelle jones playlists because i am trash for spiderman: homecoming. that song is for peter’s!

5. time you cried: goodness. uh, i cried about a week ago i think? last thursday was a tough day haha.

6. dated someone twice: lol, no.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: most definitely.

8. been cheated on: nope!

9. lost someone special: yes. in more ways than one.

10. been depressed: i’m honestly not really sure. i had a really tough time for a bit in high school and this past year was really tough on me. but i’m not sure if what i went through can be classified as depression.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: unfortunately. but i’ve only ever been hung over twice so it was really a fluke accident.

3 favourite colours

12. green

13. blue

14. brown? i’ve never had to choose a third favorite color, but i’m a really big fan of earthy colors.

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yes!

16. fallen out of love: nope!

17. laughed until you cried: i’m sure i have, i just can’t remember exactly.

18. found out someone was talking about you: i’m not sure the context of this question, but fun story: once i was at the dining hall and my roommate from my first year in college was talking about me. “i really like having my own room. don’t get my wrong. i loved living with sarah. she was the best.” and i looked at her friend and laughed and she turned around and was like, oh wow! hello!

19. met someone who changed you: i’ve definitely met people who have made me question the way i think about things and decisions i’ve made, but i think, honestly, this past summer i’ve kind of had to reverse changes i think? like, i think some of my friends changed the way i did things, but i don’t think it was for the best.

20. found out who your friends are: LOL. yes. i’ve had a lot of tough experiences with friendships this year that just put a lot of things into perspective. as i said, this past year was really tough.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes? if that means friends on facebook, then yes.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’ve met all of them in real life but some only once.

23. do you have any pets: i used to :(

24. do you want to change your name: i really like my name, actually!

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i had a party with my friends! two of my friends and i have birthdays within four days, so we had a joint birthday party. it was like, the most fun party i’ve ever been to. probably because i knew everyone there!

26. what time did you wake up: 6:45. i had an 8 am appointment this morning before work, and traffic is a nightmare!

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: getting into bed? i went to bed around that time, i think.

28. name something you can’t wait for: retirement? but something sooner: my sister is getting back from a study abroad program this sunday! she’s been gone for six weeks, and i’m really excited to see her.

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: this morning. i’m working at home this summer.

31. what are you listening to right now: nothing because my computer is a pile of shit and the speakers just stop working and then sometimes they do and then they just stop again and it’s incredibly frustrating.

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: my mom’s ex boyfriend is named thomas?

33. something that is getting on your nerves: a friend.

34. most visited website: tumblr? probably right now. but ao3 is a close second.

35. hair colour: brown

36. long or short hair: shoulder length?

37. do you have a crush on someone: i don’t think so. you’d think i would know, but it’s complicated haha. but i’m pretty sure i don’t.

38. what do you like about yourself: i think of myself as a kind person. i also think i’m fairly smart, so i like that about myself, too.

39. piercings: none! i’m really scared of needles, lol.

40. blood type: o positive, i think? pretty sure it’s some lame blood type that only receives other blood types that are the same. but i’m not the super rare o blood type (i think negative?) that can ONLY receive o negative. but i’m also not AB positive which will accept literally ANY BLOOD. i’m also not bitter. clearly.

41. nickname: my boss at school is also named sarah so one of my coworkers calls me sarah junior.

42. relationship status: single, lol. i don’t have that kind of time.

43. zodiac: aquarius!

44. pronouns: she/her

45. favourite tv show: oof. i really like brooklyn nine nine. shadowhunters is entertaining. the 100 was like, my favorite for a while, but i’m peeved at how jason has treated the characters, so less so now.

46. tattoos: again, scared of needles haha.

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: fortunately, no.

50. sport: currently? nah. though i do intramurals in college. but i used to play basketball and i used to surf. i also used to do gymnastics and play tennis and golf. lol, i’ve been all over the place.

51. vacation: i visited my aunt in texas this summer! i also went to joshua tree with my friend, so that was super cool.

52. pair of trainers: uh, i have two pairs of shoes that i wear pretty regularly. but one of them is more like, an oxford type shoe?

GENERAL

53. eating: just got dinner at a sandwich place with my dad.

54. drinking: water. i really like water a lot.

55. I’m about to: go to the gym! i like going on the ellipticals because it makes me feel like a 40 year old mom and that is my aesthetic™. but also i haven’t worked out in a long time and i injured my foot really badly like three months ago and it’s still recovering. so it’s nice to be able to be active sometimes.

56. waiting for: my phone to charge so i can play some hype music while i ascend into my true form as a 40 year old mom.

57. want: my foot to heal so i don’t have to limp around when i sit for too long or do my exercises for 30 minutes every day -_-

58. get married: if i find the right person, yeah, i think so. i like the idea of having a companion to share things with.

59. career: currently i’m in school, but in the future? i’m probably going to end up going to medical school and becoming a doctor, but part of me would love to be able to work in the film industry as like a screenwriter or something. or be an author.

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: hugs

61. lips or eyes: oof. eyes, i think.

62. shorter or taller: probably taller? i’m fairly short, so shorter than me would be less common i think? though, there are girls shorter than me...so maybe. hmmm. i’ll just say taller because generally i’ve been attracted to taller people.

63. older or younger: older. though i think i have like a bubble around my age i think would be okay. but not too much younger. i’m not that old myself.

64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms

65. hookup or relationship: relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant? idk, i’m probably hesitant so maybe i’m just projecting.

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: yes and it was not fun. drunk people do not kiss very well.

68. drank hard liquor: lol, yes.

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t wear them.

70. turned someone down: yes.

71. sex on the first date: nah, i don’t think that’s for me. honestly, kind of scared of physical intimacy.

73. had your heart broken: don’t think so.

74. been arrested: nah.

75. cried when someone died: yes.

76. fallen for a friend: lol, literally just @me right now. yes. it was very sad and i don’t think i was given the best advice/comfort in regard to those feelings. it was a weird time.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: sometimes!

78. miracles: i believe in fate, i think.

79. love at first sight: probably not, haha.

80. santa claus: nah, figured that one out fairly quickly.

81. kiss on the first date: probably not? i’ve never been on a date soooo...

82. angels: hmmmm, maybe. i don’t know. probably not like...christian bible kind of angels. but again, i think i believe in something in the universe guiding things. idk man, it’s weird.

OTHER:

84. eye colour: brown! described as both poop and chocolate, lol.

85. favourite movie: pride and prejudice. every time i watch it, it makes me so happy. and it’s just...stunning.

[moonshroooms]

RIPS SHIRT OFF TALK TO ME ABOUT VIDEO GAMES

1: Do you try to stay away from walkthroughs?

On a playthrough stand point, absolutely (unless I’ve been so stuck that I’m ready to throw my controller, which doesn’t happen that often. I always feel dumber afterwards though >_<). But I like to watch let’s plays and I got like, through the entirety of all the Bioshock games and halfway through Ni no Kuni before I was like ‘u know what I’m getting a ps3 and playing them  myself’

2: Company you're always loyal to?

Midna, all of my Pikmin. Uhh. Saadia. I haven’t played a lot of games where you gotta choose one side or the other XD

3: Best game you've ever played?

Zelda series, Pikmin series, Okami, Journey. 

I have a lot of favorites bite me.

4: Worst game you've ever played?

I had the one of the Spyro trilogies on my ds and oooohmygooood it is absolutely horrid. The controls and graphics are bad enough. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. The other one was called like Slime or something and you played a prince with like, fairy/monster characters who could spray ice and water, and slime and vomit, to work your way through the levels. Yeah. Vomit. Yum. Controls were disgusting it literally made me cry as a child.

5: A popular series/game you just can't get into no matter how much you try?

Probably any MMORPG (if that counts). They’re fun with friends, but if my friends aren’t there it’s like. No thanks. And most modern shooter where it’s like, an army setting and all you do is shoot people and nothing else. bishockdoesn’tcountonlycauseitsnotrealisticandalsonotinanarmysetingsotakethat alsoigetbirdpowers alsoletsbehonestthatstoryiscraycray #excuses

6: A game that's changed you the most?

The ending of Okami hit me pretty hard about helping God (or the gods), out every once in a while. Made me cry pretty hard when I was younger.

And Journey just. Journey just makes you feel things man. When I first played through it I had no internet and was completely alone, and I was just so heartbroken when it was over. I wasn’t ready for it to be gone. The second time I played I had an internet connection and I actually found someone to stick with me through most of the game and honestly, the end of the game was different in that moment. I wasn’t sad or lonely. When we walked into the light there was a sense of excitement for the next time, and while this journey was over and we’d miss it, I was so excited for the next time around with someone new.

7: A game you'll never forget?

Undertale. I didn’t think a game that took such a short time to finish could chokehold my heart like that. Sure the gameplay wasn’t much to sneeze at (though it could get difficult at times), but gosh dang. I don’t understand people when they say something is over-rated sometimes. Yes, Undertale fans went absolutely rabid (and I only played the game after like half a year when they hype had died down a smidge), but there’s a reason for that sometimes, you know? It left an impact. It made us feel things or made us think. And if a story can stir absolutely fanatic emotions in just one person, let alone enough people to be absolutely annoying, then there must be something that made it good, right? Maybe not everything in it is amazing, or will appeal to everyone, but there’s something there. There was something of substance, something we latched onto and couldn’t let go, even if it’s a dumb reason. So yeah. Undertale’s certainly I would never forget, and recommend anyone to at least try. Cast aside at the annoyance of the fandom, they’re just the dust surrounding the impact, and see if there’s something in there that you might find interesting - you never know.

8: Best soundtrack?

Zelda, Journey, Okami, Mario Galaxy. I’m sensing a pattern here.

9: A game you turn your volume off every time you play it?

Brodudes and dudebros. WHO TURNS THE VOLUME COMPLETELY OFF HOW BAD IS THE MUSIC?

I do dislike the title music from Age of Empires 3. It’s honestly horrid.

10: A game you've completely given up on?

That slime game from when I was younger. And Amnesia, a dating sim my friend told me to get since there was a sale on steam that made that made it cheaper than a candy bar. I just. My god do all dating sims give you one choice every hour after 10 years of dialogue?? And then make half the decisions for you? The girl in amnesia was so infuriating and dumb as a brick. And everyone was basically just ranting to a wall and didn’t find it odd that she says like 2 words every couple hours. She doesn’t even say anything half the time it’s soooo boringggggg. If you’re gonna give me someone to pretend to be at least give them more options even Link has more personality AND speech options than that.

11: Hardest game you've played?

Uh, uh. Civilization? Mario Galaxy? I’ve never played civilization on a very high setting honestly (I don’t even think I’ve played the default difficulty). I just get too annoyed when Barbarians are there constantly sending invaders. Why isn’t there a setting to have just the wildlife barbarians and then I’ll deal with my computer competitors afterwards? And Mario Galaxy isn’t hard, I’m just lazy and haven’t gotten all the stars.

12: Shortest time you've beaten a game in?

Journey in just a few short hours.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn't released yet?

Zelda: Breath of the Wild. I haven’t been that excited for a game since I was a little kid. Honestly, I don’t know what made the hype about this game so different. I was so giddy and euphoric when I finally got it. 

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting?

I don’t really think I care to have voice acting in any of my games that don’t. Pokemon Sun and Moon, I guess? Not really a deal-breaker.

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover?

Zelda, Okami. Let’s be honest they’re pretty similarly structured games. I want Wolf Link and Ammy to be on an unstoppable team!

16: Character you've hated most? From what game?

Oh god. I hate Wario from Smash Bros. He’s just. So ugly. I hate his design. And I know that’s the point, but that doesn’t mean he’s still not ugly. And HE JUST HAS FART JOKES FOR NO REASON. TOILET HUMOR, like any other humor, IS FUNNY IF YOU HAVE A JOKE AND NOT IN AND OF ITSELF.

And Louie from Pikmin just grinds my gears. He’s so shady man I want to just leave him on an abandoned, Pikmin-less planet to die.

And Lubba from Mario Galaxy 2. I just hate the fact that he exists. Him AND his stupid hub-world.

17: What game do you never tell people you play?

#noshameonlygame

18: A game you wish your friends knew about?

MMM, Journey. I finally got my one friend to play it and he liked it A+, but my other friend hasn’t even considered it and I desperately want her to.

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival?

The Spyro Trilogy. I’m probably one out of a bunch o’ people that really like the Spyro trilogy (she says, as she’s only actually played Dawn of the Dragon). But I really liked the story and the feel of the game. I have played the actual first Spyro game when I was little, in like hotels and stuff, and it was alright. I’m not much of a collect-a-thon type of gamer. 

20: What was the first video game you ever played?

When I was little I played this alien shooting game with my dad. I can’t for the life of me remember what it’s called though. I think it might’ve been on X-box or something. It was pixally and 3D in the Doom sense of 3D. The camera was always fixed to whatever it felt like at the time. So like, the first level was propped up like a side-scroller (though there was still 3d space), but down the line it might go sort of top down or directly behind the character. It was actually a co-op, with the only second character being a girl who I always played (props for such an old game having a female protagonist). There were different guns, and some power-ups and such. It was probably a liiittle violent to consider it okay for a 5-year-old, but I really liked it, and I’m not a psychopath that craves the taste of bullets.

21: How old were you when you first played a video game?

5

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do?

Zelda, Okami, Journey. Screw around with my new superpowers, save the world.

23: Biggest disappointment you've had in gaming?

Super Mario Galaxy 2′s hubworld. It’s so flipping boring and compact and also ugly. And you just get a linear track-path for getting to new galaxies. I miss the sprawling space station and Rosalina’s lovely face.

Spore’s space and civilization stage. Keeping in mind I went into Spore with no expectations. I didn’t know who created it or anything like that. I like the first 3 stages of Spore a whole bunch, but the civilization stage was boring and the space stage was big and boring. It’s just the same thing over and over again in slightly different colors. And the Grox are annoying as all get-out.

Breath of the Wild’s story, lack of a companion, and dungeons. And like one or two tiny things.

24: Casual, Hardcore, or in the middle?

The lovechild between hardcore and in the middle.

25: Be honest; have you ever used cheats (like ActionReplay or Gameshark)?

Like cheats where you can get into the inner-workings of the game? Heck naw dawg. I’ve certainly used cheats that were already in the game, like with Sims or Skyrim, but I try to refrain from that since it tends to ruin the game. I have a really bad habit of cheating in Civilization though and I just can’t break it! >^<

26: Handheld or console?

Switch ;D

But, like, not the actual Switch

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry?

Yes because I’m a big doofus. End of Okami, end of Journey, end of Kingdom Hearts, end of Spyro Dawn of the Dragon, end of LIKE ALMOST EVERY ZELDA GAME, end of Undertale, end of Bioshock 1 & 3, end of Life is Strange, end of Ni no Kuni, and probably a billion moments in between.

28: Which character's clothes do you wish you owned the most?

Every single Gerudo. Also the Journey robes!

29: Which is more important, gameplay or story?

Story, but it’s not that I don’t think gameplay isn’t important. I guess it depends on the kind of game you’re going for, but I tend to lean towards story. 

I play Smash Bros, which is almost exclusively gameplay and it’s one of my favorite games. But without friends there’s nothing for me to go back to.

I also like Life is Strange, but after seeing every option and knowing all the shocking twists and turns, there’s not much for me to go back to either since it’s exclusively story and there’s nothing else really fun to do.

That’s why I tend to drift towards games like Zelda and Okami or Skyrim and Pikmin. 

With a game like Zelda or Okami I feel like it’s 60% story and 40% gameplay. Pikmin is more 70% gameplay and 30% story. Skyrim is pretty 50/50, since it depends on the player how story-oriented the game will be.

Either way, I tend to like games that lean just a bit more towards story. Story is something keeps me thinking about the game even after I turned it off and lets me connect with the poor sap I’m piloting. Gameplay keeps me entertained even as I revisit old stories, and sometimes it’s specifically what I go back for.

30: A game that hasn't been localized in your country that you think should be localized?

Mother 3 - but not because I want to play Mother 3 or have even played or watched any of the Mother/Earthbound games - but because I don’t have a game I want localized and I want people to have their Mother 3 so they can stop being sad about it.

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 11 - "The Time has Come to Slay the Beast" - Duncan

OWEN

fuck you jay have ur damn confession

-

In other news, I did not too bad on the immunity and then realized that if I win a third in a row I'm going to be the biggest target which was literally the opposite of the strategy I was going for so hopefully someone did it in less than seven. My strategy was good tho I'm pissed like it is literally not in me to not try/throw a comp and it's not good news but like I just WANTED TO DO WELL OK THIS COMPETITION WAS FUN DFSAJKNHFJDSKHFSKJADFH I'M CRYING Anyways! It's final nine and this is the round to make a move, I think. Sam really pissed me off last round being all wishy washy and non-committal. People like Ryan blame Trevor for being controlling but it's literally what Sam wants. Sam wants to be "told" what to do, or to not have an opinion, so he doesn't seem like the leader he is but like... It's so obvious to see through. He acts like he doesn't know what's going on or what other people think, but he does. Take an acting class, betch! I don't know if it's smarter to go for Sam or Ali or JD. I guess like... Sam: Pros, he's the biggest threat of the three and he has an idol and he personally acts like an idiot even though I really wanted to work with him he gives me NOTHING and I want revenge! Damn! The con would be that...he has an  idol and he's always paranoid af and he'll probably play it. Another con is that his minions Ali/JD can be easily swayed without him, and someone could scoop them tf up. Ali: Pros, Sam has mentioned needing to get Ali out although idk if it was a lie or not. He's got the best social connections out of everyone and people genuinely want him to win. Cons, he's arguably more loyal than Sam and he's a lot less frustrating to talk to and I like him. Also leaving Sam in the game with an idol after taking out his ally is not a good. JD: Pros, she's the least likely to be expected as a target, she like....is so naive in terms of trying to save Ryan last round and then telling Trevor "oh you're the leader" like, girl bye. Cons, Ali/Sam could still be in the game as a tight duo, and also she seems the easiest to beat in the end of the three.... Idk! I don't know. It also depends on what I can get Logan/Duncan/Lydia/Trevor to agree on, if anything. And also like... immunity results will matter. And Sam's idol. And then like idk what Ryan is gonna do! So! We! Will! See! I! Guess!!!!!! Also Ryan messaged me this morning and like I do want to work with Ryan still but I'm worried that he views me as tight with Trevor and if I say anything to him or give him any info he can use it to turn others against Trevor and I so dskjafhadsjf idk what to do about that but we'll see if he messages me again huh!

DUNCAN

noh wow! Oh Wow!! OH WOW!!! 

An alliance called "oh wow!" Just was made between Owen Logan and I, which is good bc I need two of the people I'm closest to to have some type of trust with each other and not come after each other's necks. In other news I crackt the code in mastermind in 5 guesses!! I'm very happy and proud of my score even if I don't win immunity, but it would be a good confidence booster tbh. And one last thing. Whoever told RTP I was leading a charge against him, you better watch your back because I'm saltier than a tortilla chip. I hope they have their boxing gloves on, bc I'm ready to swinG

JD

I'm not going to lie, I'm really frustrated.  The touchy subjects really did bother me because me and Ali are both playing this game, we might not be the ones calling all the shots that that doesn't mean we aren't in the conversations. I get were people would say it and I see how it was the easy way to do it, the newbies are getting pulled along. That's fine, cheers. AliWelp, skype killed the hype, and potentially my game. Lydia had proposed this amazing big move for tonight, but I'm scared these tech issues might ruin it. Like... ughhh such a shame. Anywho, on a positive note, I made Final 9! :) Outlasting, 13 people already is phenomenal, so that's amazing! I'm ready to go for broke now. Ideally, I want Trevor,Owen,Sam and Ryan out as the next four boots, as the four biggest threat for the end. My dream F3 is JD and Logan, with Duncan as a possible alternative, and Lydia as a 4th choice. They're the people I think I have the biggest chance of hopefully beating. Lydia is dangerous though, so I don't want her going too far...

RYAN

[7:36:08 PM] Ryan Palmer: i mean we don't really have another choice lmfao [7:36:19 PM] Ali: yeah, we're kinda limited for options eek Gee....limited for options against that alliance....gee....its almost as if....SOMEONE COULD HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO THIS FOR 2 ROUNDS....if only ppl like matt or david who would have voted with us were here....i seriously cant with these ppl....i literally told everyone if they were gonna wait it was gonna be too late....fuck

JD

Rob getting into the jury, I don't know how I feel about that. I don't think Rob was really happy with us when he got voted out. 

LOGAN

Sorry I'm late on confessionals :( Anyway! Owen made an alliance chat with me, himself, and Duncan, which I'm happy with. Ali pitched the idea to me to have an alliance with Lydia, myself, JD and Ali. That sounds workable, and suddenly I see the ground beneath my feet in this game. I need to work out how to get to the end from here - I still do not have a solid f2, which worries me. I could go for a f3 with Owen and Duncan and play the middle of those two, but Trevor is? Talking to me? Wild. I guilt tripped Ali so badly last round because he told me the vote was for David and *insisted* that, and I nearly voted for David, but thanks to Duncan... whew. Saved that. But now Ali feels super guilty. Ethos, logos, pathos? Using them all, but pathos was my friend then. Good use of pathos, actually. My english teacher wishes. David is gone now anyway, which I feel sorta bad about, all the boys in this game are super cute and too pretty to be getting early boots. I do trust Duncan, but I'm not 100% how much. At least we aren't viewed as a duo. But he said it himself, we were two people brought together by unfortunate circumstances, and in my experience, that never works out. But I'll stick with you, for now. We'll see. At this point, I can't win this game. I maybe could get fifth? Maybe. If I really work it. My UTR game won't cut it, I really need to be MOR, or else I'm getting the block. Time to show my value to people, or become fifth juror - one of the two. 

OWEN

I think as of right now the ideal final three for me would be myself, Logan and Lydia. Getting there though with that specific group is...not necessarily the easiest thing. Especially because I've basically sworn not to screw over Trevor or Duncan. And I don't really want to have to put either of their names down, but I know they're bigger threats than I am. Maybe I could beat them in the end... But do I really want to beat Trevor and have him lose in the finals a third time? I want Trevor to do well and I want to see him win. But I want to win too! So I'm at a bit of a conflict here. Ideally, Sam/JD/Ali go now and probably another one of them goes next. Maybe it could be like... Sam and JD or Sam and Ali. Then at final seven I think it would be good for me if Trevor left. It'd have to be at seven because that way, Trevor/myself/Lydia could vote one way and then Duncan/Logan/Ryan/Thing 1 or 2 (whichever is left) could vote Trevor. Then at a final six, maybe the other Thing (Ali or JD) goes. Final five would have to be Duncan. And the final four would be me, Ryan, Lydia and Logan? Then Ryan goes fourth? Maybe? That's one way to get there but that counts on a lot of things going right with immunity and idols and also that counts on me being very aware of Trevor and Duncan both leaving and potentially having a hand in that and that's....not good! NOT GOOD. ugshfsdfsd

OWEN

SOOOO! JD won immunity which limits my options to Ali and Sam I guess. But I did have a plan. Trevor mentioned that Sam told him that Ali has to go eventually. So my thought is that Trevor tells Sam that it's time to do Ali. And so Sam thinks we are voting Ali, he knows the votes will be me Trevor Logan Lydia and Duncan against Ali. And that way like maybe there's a chance he just votes Ali Idk!!! But then in reality the five of us vote for Sam. That way the idol is gone, guaranteed. He either plays it on Ali and leaves or he votes for Ali and keeps his idol. The only problem is if he doesn't believe us and plays it on himself instead, which makes me think maybe like.... idk maybe Logan uses the extra vote they supposedly have and we split the vote somehow. I guess that plan would depend on what ryan is doing. And I wouldn't want to tell ryan the plan in case he still goes for Trevor. Idk!!!! I guess we could also make it seem like we are going for Sam and vote Ali instead but I think it's more realistic to do the other plan since sam has expressed interest in voting out Ali anyways??? It's hard calling shots because I'm not immune this time, but Trevor does still have an idol as well so maybe he could play it just in case. Idk!!! We will see

JD

I won immunity! I'm so excited right now, those puzzle skills my preschool teacher was talking about finally paid off! *happy dance* 

SAM

HEY! I CAN'T WAIT TO GET RIGGED OUT OF THE GAME. oooooh hosts you really had to do that huh I would be beyond stupid to not think that I was the target of the other side this round--people know that I'm close with Trevor, but I am willing to drop him at any time. So this round, even though I knew I was in some hot water, I was like "oh, I have Trevor's idol in my possession, and I have one that he's willing to play on me. I'm like a poached egg not fully hard boiled--I'll be fine." THEN OH THEN Duncan steals Ali's ability to go to the Labyrinth and YOU KNOW HWAT HE FUCKIN FINDS?????? HE FINDS A DAMN ADVANTAGE THAT ALLOWS FOR ME TO NOT VOTE AND MAYBE SUPPOSEDLY NOT HAVE ANY ITEMS PLAYED ON ME????? FUCK THIS????? the worst part is that I don't know what I'm up against! because owen isn't being forthcoming to trevor! so i don't know if trevor can play an idol on me at all or if i can't play an idol just on myself but I know I can't vote! so i need to give an extra vote to someone who will vote on my side!!!!! i hate!!!!! this!!!!!! so now i actually have to scrape for literally everything while other bitches don't even have to lift a finger!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!! hosts if i go out tonight i love you BUT this is a shitty way to go that i don't really have control over!! call me malcolm binch!

-

sorry for all my yelling like i just thought this one was meant to be. i was ready!!!!

OWEN

So the plan is pretty much set in motion. I think Logan and Duncan are on board to vote Sam. AAAADN duncan apparently found a power to cancel sams idol???? Which would be???? Greater than Frosted Flakes. But this just makes it extra clear that's Sam CANT KNOW anything is going on. Which is where I might've messed up. Trevor said he would talk to Sam but I got the feeling he wasn't really doing it and I told him about Duncan's power oop and he was sketched out by Duncan, as he is. Cue the argument about whether or not Sam should go!!!! Yay!!!! So I've basically just gotta convince Trevor to do it. And to keep his mouth shut. And he's....impulsive. I don't think he will. The good thing is he's coming here tonight!!!!! So if I need to I think I can convince him in person. I just have to hope by then it's not too late :( I'm not afraid to flirt my way to Trevor's brain to try to get him to follow through with this. All is fair in love and war.

OWEN

talked to sam and he's high key paranoid what a surprise I brought up doing Ali....screams. He said no, pretty much, and mentioned doing Trevor instead which to me seems sketch cause idk why he would suggest that so easily to me of all people. He wasn't being very clear, like usual. I basically told him to wait until final seven SHSKDJDJJD to do Trevor and Idk he said he wasn't seeing the picture and so when I asked him like... what the picture is what he thought the next few votes would be he said he didn't think that far cause he's not there yet. My bullshit radar is goin off!!!!!! :~) I'm not sure what the convo meant. It's the first time he truly wanted to talk to me. But he did bring up just going for Logan so idk. We agreed to talk again in a little bit. And Trevor will be here in person soon. And I just need this all to work out because i think if it doesn't then I'm toast Know this tho if Trevor ruins this for me then I'm not holding back anymore!!!!!!!!!! I'll help him pack his bags!!!! 

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/JyDLok_-pDI

JD

So this vote is going to be reealllly messy I think. So far as I know: Owen and Duncan want to vote out Sam, Trevor doesn't wanna do that because ovbs, Sam gave him the idol and he feels like Sam will probs be usefully (sorry for the bad abbreviation, Im just lazy right now). From what I've heard Trevor wants to vote Duncan now though because he, I'm guessing, wants to break up him and Owen. WHY the fuck are you not voting OWEN!? I've run the idea by Ali and I want to get Trevor to play the idol for ether Ali or Sam cus, why not~ get the idol out of Trevors hands and if we can get the idol played on someone other then Owen then why not vote for Owen? It pisses me off the Trevor doesn't want to talk to me, I mean, okay your with your boyfriend who is in the game but if he asked it's not hard to lie and say I'm freaking out over thinking and Trevor is chilling me out. I mean, I'm 100% on thinking that Owen thinks of me as the goat so he'd believe it. My plan would be so vote Owen. Right now the majority is split on Owen and Trevors side. Owens: Owen, Duncan, maybe Logan = voting Sam or Ali, we've heard Ali as a second or a 'go vote this one' to get some throw away votes. Trevor: Trevor, me, Ali, Lydia, Sam, Ryan = voting for Duncan to break up Owen and Duncan? My plan is a three way split for Sam, Owen and Duncan, then on the revote we vote our Duncan (sorry hostys Im sure ties suck) but really I just want to fuck up the votes and vote Owen. Hoping that Trevor will use his idol on Sam, assuming he cant use it on himself... I guess we'll see. 

OWEN

So!!!! Of course Trevor gets here and tells me that they're all voting for Duncan!!!! Lol!!!!!!! He wasn't even gonna tell me except it was more convenient for him since we were about to be together for 48 hours. Anyways. Thanks for lying all day and then planning on leaving me out to dry ;~) looks like I won't have any trouble lying to you from now on huh!!!!!!! Anyways, I immediately got to work convincing him to do Sam instead, and then we called Lydia finally and talked to her about it. Except Trevor also told everyone all of this SHIT and I'm so mad I literally like. At least he bought me chipotle. Anyways!!!! Lydia was planning on telling Ryan to vote Sam and also they all think that Duncan's rags make it so that Sam can't have any idols played on him even from other players. Idk it's messy and i just want to sleep. I'm hoping I convinced them to switch their votes. Sam needs to go now that he knows I was after him. Also lol it's funny cause I asked Trevor as soon as he walked in if He told Sam to message me lmao I knew it was fishy af Idk it's all fishy. Why does Trevor feel the NEED to ruin!!!!! Djdjdjdjd Jesus. Also surprise he's not giving me the idol. Or playing it on me. I hope it bites him in the ass when people like duncan and ryan really do wanna vote him out and I'm not there to cover his ass. Literally DJDJDJD fuck all this At this point I'm just hoping it's not me. Idk if it would be. I've worked too hard today for it to be me, tbh. But really? Damn

-

this game gave me acne and soiled my crops

JD

So I might have tried strong arming Trevor into this split by saying that Sam is easily dropped if the vote goes wrong. I don't think that he liked that cus not hes talking to Ryan about voting Sam. Which I don't get but it would mess up the split. 

ALI

This vote has just aged me! Sam is maybe going, which sucks. Duncan is a liar, Logan is lying to me. Sam gave me his extra vote though, so hopefully TLJoA can vote togethed next time, as a majority. Samit was a good run, folks

DUNCAN

Heyyyy! Umm idk if this will be my last confessional or not until allstars but here we go. The time has come to slay the beast. It's time to make a move. It's time to take down sam.in short. I was allegedly the original target of rtp plus the unholy trinity, and Lydia and Trevor were on board. Then Owen talked to them and convinced them to vote Samuel only because I had my handy rags. It was a conditional agreement. But umm hopefully no one else will play an idol on sam, and hopefully everyone who is telling me they're voting sam is telling the truth. The thing is, if I get voted out tonight it's okay. I didn't come here to make it to the end and win. This is a move I need to make to help me win. So if I'm going down, I can say I did what I said I set out here to do when I applied. I came to win, not to be a coward