#so we'd just spend the whole time on one table bitching about people in our year

[hella1975]

look at these mf platters my cousin(28) made, me and my sister keep eating them and the party isnt even meant to start for another hour - we also keep playing drinking games, but thats just what happens when youre always the first ones ready i think

(capt)

HOW AM I JUST SEEING THIS THAT LOOKS INSANE INVITE ME NEXT TIME

[bondsmagii]

On that topic about cults and the need to belong, I do think you're onto something there. I usually don't even want to go out to hang out with my friends and would rather stay home on my own, and the idea of having organized meetings with a bunch of random people is just... not appealing at all.

Add to that my refusal to give money to almost anything and you have a perfect recipe for me never going anywhere near a cult. I really don't think it has to do with me being smarter (in fact I would say I'm too cynical and that is a double-edged sword sometimes!) just that if you're a cult, who are you gonna try to recruit? The people who are predisposed to listen to you due to their personal history and circumstances, or the ones who are very clearly averse to all that you offer?

Point is every time I've been approached by these types they end up leaving me alone because I just don't want to interact. I will block you if you annoy me enough. Even if what you say sounds interesting, if you try to even slightly pressure me, I will leave the conversation, no questions asked.

Anyway: cults. They don’t like hermits.

exactly lmao. I do see a fair few people online getting kind of smug because they didn't "fall" for a cult or something (usually in spaces dedicated to bitching about MLMs) but really it seems to me to be entirely about personality traits rather than any inherent intelligence just allowing you to see through the bullshit easier. I think a lot of people kind of forget that recruiters know exactly what they're looking for, so if they come across somebody who's antisocial and who doesn't part easily with cash, why are they going to waste their time? I've been lucky enough to only run across a few major cult or cult-like groups in my time, and the first few times (when I was younger) it was my lack of need for a community that allowed me to avoid getting sucked in, and when I was a little older and it was more about potential MLMs, the thing that saved me was simply me being like "nah, I am not interested in a 'fast-paced family environment' that I have to pay to attend the training sessions of" lmao.

related cult-adjacent story: I remember when I was about 14, my parents and I went to Florida to do the whole theme park thing, and we were offered free tickets to Disney if we agreed to spend a morning at a timeshare seminar. my parents were like "oh man this will be bullshit" but decided to go anyway because free tickets, and oh my god. it was insane. we were shown around these condos on a lake and they were admittedly pretty nice, and at first it looked like a really good deal, but then of course it's revealed you'll only "own" it for a couple of weeks a year, and there are all these terms and conditions and hidden costs, and my parents were like yikes. after the tour the group of us (there were about 50 people being shown around) were all brought into this huge room and sat at individual tables, and then the salesmen came out in force. for over an hour we had to sit there with this woman who would just not take no for an answer. finally, when she realised that our answer was not changing, she called her supervisor or whoever he was over. this guy was obviously the Pressure Guy, and he carried around with him a little microphone. every time he got even the most vague 'yes' from people, he would announce it to the whole room on the mic, all faux-celebratory as people came out of nowhere with paperwork and the new "owners" had to sign it then and there. my parents had noticed this and as soon as the guy sat down my dad was like "listen, we're not buying this, we'd like our tickets and to leave" and just as the guy launched into a spiel this absolutely massive cockroach crawled across the floor in front of us lmao. like this guy could have ridden the amusement park rides on his own. my mam started kicking off about it being unsanitary and she made such a fuss that we were marched over to the desk, given our tickets, and kicked out. the complex was so huge that we had to hitch a ride on a dude's golf cart because we were so far from the car and it was like 1pm in Florida and we had no water. dude on the golf cart said he actually hung out by that door because they always did that shit to people who refused to sign up, and he made good tips saving people from heat stroke.

a running joke for a few days was that the supervisor dude was so pissed off with our salesperson that he would murder her and chuck her in the lake, and then we saw on the news that a body had washed up from that very same lake, right on the timeshare grounds. probably was not her (we left shortly afterwards so never saw the identification) but if it was, yikes, and if it was not, very glad we did not get a property where bodies frequently wash up lol. Disney also kind of sucked ngl. was not worth the price of four hours in timeshare hell. don't do it kids.

[wastelandnarry]

Don’t You Remember? - hes

summary: You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said, no final kiss to seal any sins.

author’s notes: Hi everyone! Thanks for the support on kiss in the kitchen! This is inspired by Adele’s Don’t You Remember, I hope you enjoy!

warnings: mentions of infidelity, mentions of alcohol, angst

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If you were being truthful, which most of the time was a hard thing to do, you were full of bitterness and a cold heart sat in your chest. You'd been hurt before, more times than you could count, and had decided that the next time love came around in your life you would not hesitate to kick it back. Your last long-term relationship, which had ended when they'd decided an adventure was calling their name and you had no ticket with them, had left you in pieces. It had left you bouncing from bed to bed, leaving your mark on stranger's lives, but you'd disappeared before the morning sun rose, leaving them alone and cold in a bed you'd forget about before dinnertime. 

But then you met Harry. 

Harry was warm and he made your heart race with every touch he left on your skin. He was golden and beautiful, leaving you breathless as you gazed at him at your side. He was the warm spots in a sunny field where you'd spend all day if you could, reading a book as the breeze blew through your hair on the summer evenings. His smile was addicting and you found yourself stealing it onto your own face a lot of the time. It was as if a force unknown had brought you two together and the world had burst into color. Harry had come into your life like a storm that a drought had desperately needed. He'd stormed in and refused to leave, no matter how fickle your heart had been, he'd stayed and a part of you had been grateful for it. 

It hadn't been a stable relationship, not at all. You'd both been hurt before in the past and that had made it hard for both of you to truly trust each other. It meant that sometimes moments would go from sweet and innocent to cold and distant. It meant that nights together were spent in a tense silence sometimes, or that they'd be cut short before things escalated too far. But you both felt something for one another, something so deep and passionate it spiked fear in your heart. A fear that it was all too good to be true and it was only a matter of time before things blew up like you were used to. 

"Do you think we should go out for dinner? Or maybe we could order in," Harry's voice broke your concentration, your eyes looking up from the computer screen and finding his. 

"Huh? Oh, maybe we should just stay in? It looks pretty shitty outside anyways," you shrugged, your eyes falling back onto the screen as you skimmed through the emails your boss had sent you. 

"Yeah, guess so. And if we go out we won't have a lot of privacy, don't want our last night together for a bit to be full of people wanting pictures," he sighed and shrugged. 

"What? Last night together? What're you on about, Harry?" you frowned, your eyes shooting back up to watch him move around the living room. 

"I leave tomorrow?" Harry chuckled and looked at you with a confused look on his face, "I have to go to Paris to film for a month, remember?"

"That's tomorrow?" you asked and frowned, shaking your head, "I thought you said that was happening in July?" you scoffed. 

"No, we finish shooting in July," he mumbled and sighed, "But you of course weren't paying attention, all you care about is it affects your own life." 

You'd both frozen as the words left his mouth, both too afraid of what would come next if you truly spoke your mind. Yes, you were a bit forgetful when it came to Harry's schedule, but his life had always been hectic, and trying to plan your life around his seemed impossible most of the time.  He'd be gone for weeks on end with no contact and the only way you knew he was safe and alive was when the internet told you so. Your jaw was clenched as you watched him, frozen in place near the entrance of the kitchen. 

"You know what? You're right. I'm just a selfish bitch who only worries about herself and not the fact that her so-called boyfriend is going to be gone for another month," you scoffed as you stood up, sliding on the shoes you'd set by the end of the coffee table, "I hope you have a fucking amazing time in Paris, make sure not to stare at yourself in the mirror too long." you muttered, grabbing your bag as you made your way out of Harry's house. 

You could've stopped and talked it out, like adults, but in all honestly, it had been exhausting already. Every time Harry had to leave for work there was always something he was upset about. At first, it was how distant you became when the day of his departure got closer. Then it was the fact that you always texted him while he was away, something he'd asked you to do in the first place. And now, it was you forgetting his oh-so-important schedule. It was exhausting, trying to talk things out when you knew it never mattered because it was just a matter of time before something new came up between the both of you. So you walked out the door, hoping that maybe Harry would follow after you and for once try to fix this himself, only to be left sitting in your car alone. 

Days turned to weeks and soon enough, two months had passed since you had last spoken to Harry. The spring weather had turned hotter as July rolled in and the hot days became unbearable. Most of your days off were spent trying to distract yourself from the pain in your chest, the pain that had come with the absence of Harry. He hadn't called you since that night when you'd walked out, hadn't tried to text, facetime you, or even email you. He'd left you with silence and it was all because you'd walked out. 

"You always do this to yourself," you thought as you jogged through the empty park, your forehead  shining with the sweat you'd worked up, "You push people and then blame them when they don't come back to you." 

It was true, this hadn't been the first time a relationship had gone to shit because of your fear of getting close. That's all the fight with Harry had been, an excuse to push him away so that you wouldn't end up on the floor with your crushed up heart. Not that it had helped much, but at least you'd ended things in a way that hadn't crushed your entire soul. But finding distractions became harder and harder as the days went on, everything was just so...Harry. 

Some nights, when your favorite bottle of wine ad tempted you into a glass or two, or three, you'd find yourself sitting on the sofa in your apartment. You'd relived that night more time than you could remember, frowning as you couldn't remember whether you'd both said goodbye. That was what had hurt the most, knowing that you loved Harry and through your fear of it, you never even said goodbye or had that final kiss. You'd just left and hoped you'd see him again. 

"Um, hi Harry," you mumbled into your phone, staring up at the ceiling as you took a few seconds to collect your mind. 

Maybe the wine had given you the courage that you didn't know existed, or maybe the pain in your chest from finally realizing he was gone had kicked you into gear. You'd picked up the phone and clicked on his contact, seeing the smiley picture he'd taken one of the first tines you'd hung out as his contact, before calling him up. You'd hoped he was back, not wanting him to be across an ocean where the sun was high in the sky and his voice would answer back. You wouldn't know what to do if he'd actually answered, so his voicemail message had you letting out a sigh of relief. 

"I know that things were left rather...shitty," you mumbled, chewing on your bottom lip as you sorted through your thoughts, "But I just, I want you to know that I think about where it went wrong a lot these days. I thought that if I gave us space and let us both clear our heads we'd be able to fix whatever this is."

It was true, you'd wanted to give him the space to process the fight. You two hadn't been exclusive, something you'd both been pretty open about since the beginning, but you still loved him no matter how much it terrified you. You'd given him the space to breathe and figure out if you and all your issues would be worth it. And now that there had been radio silence for weeks, you decided getting your own closure would send him the message that you understood. 

"I just...I hope you remember the way it was during the good times," you said, the crack in your voice replaced by you clearing your throat, "How soft and whole it was. You made me...gosh, I don't think I've ever felt so loved in my life before."

Loving Harry had always been something you were terrified to admit to yourself. It still was in a way, but you knew you had to tell him the truth, even if it fell on deaf ears. He deserved to know that he was loved and that it was by you. That even if the silence between you two lasted until your last breathes were taken, you had loved him and it had been a privilege to do so. No matter how bad things had ended and no matter if he'd felt the same, you'd loved him and if he gave you the chance, you would love him still. 

"I hope you still think of me, maybe that's why I get this warm feeling sometimes when I'm alone. Maybe it's you thinking about us. I hope I see you again soon, bub," you sighed quietly, holding back the tears as your voice began to shake, "I love you." 

It wasn't until the call was hung up and your phone laid across from you on the coffee table that you let the tears fall. It'd been a mess from the beginning, casual hookups which led to more and more time spent together. Maybe if you had tried hard enough to work on you fears or maybe if you'd let him in more than you shut him out he'd still be here. But with your voicemail sent and your cheeks wet from tears, you decided all you could do was hope Harry would listen to the voicemail. And maybe, just maybe, he'd remember you just once more.

taglist: @hrrypinks​ @matchacal