#so took inspiration from there for the details

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Catch me when I fall (1)

THIS IS PART ONE BCS TUMBLR IS AGAIN ACTING LIKE SHIT SO IT WILL BE DIVIDED INTO TWO PARTS!

pairing: hyunjin x afab!reader

genre: fluff, angst, smut

wc: 21.2k (30.6k both parts)

synopsis: An artist finds inspiration in a dancer, and the dancer finds hope inside the artist's paintings.

warnings: alcohol, mentions of death

nsfw warnings: multiple sex scenes, making out, mutual masturbation, grinding, oral (f and m), blindfolds, fingering, squirting, unprotected sex, creampies

a/n: i am sorry this is so long and detailed!!! i just love soft artist hyunjin sm😭🫶🏻 also can you tell i suck at french hahaha

~ masterlist

~ divider by @strangergraphics

The sky had darkened, snowflakes silently falling down and catching onto Hyunjin's hair that was peaking out of his beanie. He could see his breath as he exhaled, disappearing into the cold air like a puff of smoke.

He shivered, his hands digging further into the pockets of his coat as he stared at the huge building before him. Usually, he wouldn't be out when it's this cold, but something had pulled him out of the comfort of his bed and dragged him out into the night.

There was a show in the theater, a performer he saw many times before but would come to see again in the blink of an eye any time he got the chance.

Tonight was that chance as Hyunjin took a few long strides after playing around with the puffs of air, the snowflakes around him gently grazing his rosy cheeks.

He finally walked into the building, standing in line to get his ticket checked. The air inside was warm, like a hug from a loved one inviting him closer. The lady at the entrance smiled at him as she looked at his ticket.

"Good evening, Hyunjin." she said, already acquainted with the young man.

"Good evening, ma'am." Hyunjin greeted politely before he finally walked into the theater, looking for his spot. He always liked to sit in the gallery as it gave him the best view of the stage.

Hyunjin sat comfortably, biting his lip in anticipation for what's to come. The murmur of the audience ceased as the lights in the room dimmed, a single spotlight shining onto the curtains.

Hyunjin gulped, leaning at the edge of his seat.

Soft music started playing and the curtain finally opened, revealing you standing in front of the silk that was secured on the ceiling.

His eyes started shining immediately as your performance began. You gave an elegant wave, your smile brighter than any spotlight, shining right onto the audience.

As soon as you started climbing up, Hyunjin's heart fluttered because he knew what was next. You wrapped the silk skilfully around yourself and Hyunjin tried, as always, to follow every small movement, to learn your routines, to understand how you did all those beautiful tricks that had captured his heart.

He stopped breathing for a moment as you let yourself fall, your body rolling against the silk as you caught yourself, bending and stretching yourself into all sorts of shapes. In Hyunjin's eyes you were art, your body was art, your hard work was art, your beauty was nothing but pure art.

He was infatuated and inspired by you, watching you move and command the stage so gracefully, like it was nothing.

When you finished and bowed to the audience, Hyunjin's ears filled with the sound of clapping and he stood up, weaving through the bodies of onlookers and disappearing into the black night.

He didn't want to accidentally run into you as he couldn't express into words the way you touched his heart with your dancing. You shined so brightly from afar that he was afraid he'd be blinded if he came any closer to you.

Hyunjin would later paint a scene inspired by your performance, but never display it in his gallery.

It was created only to give him comfort.

-

The cold morning air seemed to bite at your cheeks as you strolled through the city, trying to bury your face into your scarf as much as you could. The streets were mostly cleaned, the snow that had fallen last night was swept aside.

Your steps were hurried and purposeful, you had a goal in your mind. You woke up this morning with an urge to visit the gallery. One of many, but this one was your favorite.

You had no idea who owned it or who the artist was as they insisted on staying anonymous but you felt connected to them. It's as if they were painting for you, sending you a direct message that said 'hey, I'm here, I care, I understand.' You felt comforted and welcomed every time you walked into that gallery, every time you were surrounded by those paintings it was like a loving touch, telling you you're not alone.

As soon as you walked into the gallery, the world became quiet and contemplative, all the overstimulating noises and lights of the city disappearing.

A new exhibition of paintings decorated the walls and you made sure to stop in front of every single one, taking your time to revel in each detail the artist put onto the canvas. It seemed that they were feeling nostalgic and even a bit dark, judging by the paintings of lonely city views and lonely looking people.

You understood. Of course you did. After all, it had been three years since the accident and even though you healed on the outside, the wound on your heart still stung. Subconsciously, you rubbed your ring finger with your thumb as you continued looking at the paintings.

And there it was again, that comforting feeling, like this person knew exactly what you were going through, like they could read your mind and feel your emotions. A signature adorned every painting, the initials H.H. When you closed your eyes you could almost see the hand that put them there.

-

Hyunjin wasn't supposed to come to the gallery this morning, as the official opening wasn't happening until the evening, but he wanted to check if everything was in order.

At first, he didn't recognize you as you had your back turned to him but once you moved onto the next painting, Hyunjin saw the side of your face and stopped in his tracks.

His throat went dry immediately, his heart pounding against his chest as warmness spread through his body. There is no way you are actually here. He stared for some time and you must've sensed eyes on you as you turned to look right at him.

Hyunjin thought his world had stopped in that moment. You could say the same thing.

Your heart skipped a beat and you gave the handsome stranger a polite smile before tearing your eyes away from him reluctantly.

Hyunjin contemplated if he should approach you and how to actually do it without sounding like a creep. Saying 'hey, I watch you perform!' would probably be weird and chase you away and Hyunjin couldn't have that.

This was his one chance. What are the odds you'd come into his gallery?

He bit on his lip nervously as he slowly approached you. You were standing in front of a painting of an older couple walking hand in hand in the snow, everything around them fading away as they looked at each other. It was the only hopeful painting in this particular exhibition.

"You seem to like that painting a lot." a voice broke you out of your thoughts, scaring you a little as you turned abruptly only to be met with a pair of warm eyes belonging to the handsome stranger.

"I do. It makes me feel secure. And warm. Even though it is cold around them and everything looks dead and abandoned, they are smiling at each other, their cheeks are rosy. It's like they don't even notice the snow, only each other."

Hyunjin's heart started beating fast, his stomach felt weird and he knew what the feeling was even though he hasn't felt it in a long time.

"Yeah, they're too infatuated that they wouldn't even notice the world falling apart around them." Hyunjin smiled as he stared at your face.

You kept looking at the painting as he studied you. He'd never seen you up close like this, only far away on stage where you shined like the sun, and now up close you were still warm but Hyunjin could see the worry and melancholy in your eyes.

There was an aura of sadness around you, like you were carrying something heavy, but Hyunjin knew what it was like to carry a burden that weighs you down every single day.

"They are. I think this is my favorite painting of this exhibition." you said and Hyunjin beamed.

"Really? It is? I'm so glad!" he got too excited and you looked at him with a confused smile.

"I mean, it's my favorite too." Hyunjin chuckled awkwardly. "How did you find out about this gallery?"

The handsome stranger persisted and even though you felt a bit awkward with him practically interrogating you, something pulled you to stay and talk to him.

"I come here a lot. I check out every new exhibition." you said and Hyunjin almost started hyperventilating.

"Really?!" Hyunjin wondered how he's never seen you at the openings.

You looked at him, wondering why he was so excited about someone else's paintings.

"Yeah. It's like this artist understands the way I feel, like we are connected somehow."

Hyunjin's heart skipped a beat as he stared at you with wide eyes. He couldn't believe you admired his paintings so much; and not just that, you had found yourself inside him.

"Yeah? I feel the same." he said as you chuckled at him, still feeling a little awkward.

"Well, it was nice talking to you but I should go now."

Hyunjin opened his mouth to say something, anything to make you stay but you were already walking away, giving him a timid and polite wave, unlike the grandiose one you give on stage.

He didn't even manage to wave back before you walked out of the door. He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he watched the door, his heart beating fast against his chest.

A part of him hoped you'd come back in but a part of him was relieved you left because you made him want to bounce off the walls and squeal like some school girl with a crush and that scared him. He turned to look at his painting again, the old couple so entwined in each other.

Hyunjin started to reminisce.

Two years ago

It was another cold winter morning, when Hyunjin woke up to an empty bed. The side where his lover laid was cold as his hand landed there, searching for the familiar warmth. When he found nothing but a void, his heart dropped in his stomach.

He had been fighting with his partner for the last few months, the ugly words they both said breaking them apart more and more each day.

Hyunjin knew it was inevitable, who he once considered the love of his life was just a passerby in the journey he was on, just a lesson to learn from; it was over even before it officially ended.

As he stood up, he saw it; the empty drawers and empty side of the closet. With an ugly heaviness weighing down on his chest, he slowly made his way to the kitchen. To his surprise, his partner was sitting there drinking coffee with a sullen look on their face.

Hyunjin then noticed the suitcase by the door.

"I thought you already left." Hyunjin's voice wavered as he swallowed the tears threatening to come out.

"I think it's only fair to at least say goodbye after four years of being together." his partner said, putting the cup down.

"So, you're really leaving?"

"I'm sorry. It's just not the same as it was. I don't- I don't love you anymore." they whispered and in the silence around them, Hyunjin heard his heart shattering into million pieces.

"Y-you don't mean that." he whispered, hands rolling into fists as he dug his nails into his skin.

"I do, I'm really sorry. I tried to make it work, but we haven't been us in such a long time that I don't know how to get back to that." his partner sighed.

"Yeah, since you started acting cold and distant." Hyunjin said bitterly, clenching his teeth and willing himself not to start crying.

"I'm sorry again. I really hope you find happiness, Hyunjin. You deserve it." with that, his now ex partner turned around, leaving out the door and out of his life forever.

It was as if everything collapsed around him and he was left alone in the cold. There was nothing stopping the tears from falling now.

Ever since that day, Hyunjin built a wall around his heart, the love he once saw as comforting, carefree and safe was now a frightening gamble.

He couldn't see himself falling in love again until there was you. Maybe, just maybe it was possible to open up his heart once again, even though it scared him deeply he was determined to get to know you more.

-

Another wonderfully executed performance was finished and you reveled in the well-deserved cheers and claps of the satisfied audience.

The curtain closed and you let out a breath full of excitement and relief. You were hugged and praised before you could escape from everyone, change into your clothes and just have a moment to yourself.

You decided to walk through the corridor of the gallery since most of the audience left and if they were walking out you'd blend into them in your big coat and make your escape.

As you strolled, you noticed a familiar figure in the distance. It was the handsome stranger you met at the gallery the other day. You stopped for a moment, your heart picking up speed as your lips parted. He noticed you, his eyes wide, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

Both of you just stood there for a moment, before he smiled and slowly made his way to you.

You also started walking, a small smile spreading on your lips as he kept his eyes on you.

Hyunjin couldn't be more excited to be running into you, thinking you'd left through the backdoor after the performance only to find you here.

In his excitement, Hyunjin miscalculated a step and before he could catch himself, he was falling.

You gasped, rushing towards him but it was too late, he was sprawled on the soft carpet of the theater, a grunt escaping his lips.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" you quickly reached your hands towards him and he grabbed them, getting up.

His face was red and he looked breathless, avoiding your eyes.

"M'fine. My dignity is not." he said with a frown, dusting off his jeans with his hands.

"It's okay, it happens to the best of us." you giggled and he finally looked up at you, his face becoming even more red.

Even though he was dying of embarrassment, Hyunjin's stomach was full of butterflies, swirling around his insides and making him nauseous.

"Or just to me." he shook his head, making you chuckle again.

"You saw me perform?" you asked curiously and he nodded, biting on his lip as a nervous habit.

"I hope you enjoyed." you smiled and warmness spread around Hyunjin's heart.

"Enjoyed?" he chuckled. "It was breathtaking as always." his smile dropped when he realized what he said.

"As always?" you looked at him confusedly, tilting your head.

"I mean... last time... well. Ughhh... I come here often to watch you perform. Not like in a weird way! Oh my god I'm so sorry, I probably sound like a creep. I just admire your dancing, that's all, please don't kick me." he flailed his arms with a funny look on his face.

"I'm not gonna kick you." you laughed. "I'm very honored to have people tell me they come back to watch my performances. And by people, I mean you since you're the first person to tell me that." you added, your own cheeks becoming rosy.

"Oh. Thanks for not kicking me." he chuckled. "I'm Hyunjin, by the way."

"Y/n. Though you probably know that." you said, remembering your name is on all your performances. "You didn't tell me you knew who I was yesterday." you added and Hyunjin sputtered.

"I- well... I didn't want to sound like a weirdo though I probably do right now." he smiled awkwardly.

"It's fine." you chuckled with a shrug.

The sound of lights being turned off on stage made you jolt a little.

"We need to leave, they're closing up the theater." you said.

"Oh, right." Hyunjin turned as both of you started walking towards the entrance.

"Are you tired?" he asked as you neared the door.

"Not particularly." you said, stuffing your hands into your pockets.

"You wanna grab something to eat?" Hyunjin's heart was jumping around in fear and excitement as he asked that question, but in his mind it was now or never.

You looked at him for a moment before you gave him a smile. Something about him pulled you like a magnet and you couldn't resist.

"Sure. Why not." you said and Hyunjin sighed in relief.

"Good night Y/n, Hyunjin." the lady at the door greeted and both of you chuckled, wishing her a good night too.

The cold air hit you like a sharp slap to the face and you pulled your beanie down, adjusting your coat to keep your neck warm. Hyunjin buried his face in his scarf as you rounded the corner onto the busy street.

"Wanna get some street food?" you asked, not being in the mood to sit at a fancy restaurant and wait for a meal to be cooked. You wanted to be outside in the fresh air, not minding the coldness of it.

"Sure, I feel like walking anyways." Hyunjin nodded and you smiled, making your way towards a hot dog stand.

"Not the healthiest option but I really don't care tonight." you chuckled and Hyunjin agreed, insisting on paying for both of your hot dogs.

The two of you kept walking through the streets, the Christmas lights were everywhere still adding to the atmosphere of coziness even though the actual holiday had passed.

"So, what do you do, Hyunjin?"

"I'm an artist. I know that probably sounds pretentious but I am lucky enough to live from my art." he chuckled before taking a big bite out of his hot dog.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful! What kind of artist?" you asked, your eyes sparkling with all the lights, making Hyunjin's stomach swarm with more butterflies.

"I paint mostly. But I do dabble in other media." he answered. "Right now I'm trying my hand at ceramics. It's just a bunch of weird and failed shapes for now but I think I can get there." he added with a chuckle.

"Sounds fun. I've never tried it."

"You should some time." Hyunjin said, wiping his lips with a napkin and throwing it in the trash. "What do you do when you don't perform?" he added with a curious smile.

"Oh, I teach classes to other dancers. Beginner and advanced, but mostly I deal with beginners. I've been told I'm very patient so I'm usually the one to teach people from scratch."

"Is it fun?" Hyunjin asked as you finished eating too, now ready to wash it down with a drink.

"Some days it is very fun. Some days it's frustrating. But I think it's like that with any job." you shrugged.

"It is, I feel like that too. Sometimes I wake up and just paint the entire day like I'm in some kind of trance whereas some days I can't even hold a brush in my hand." Hyunjin admitted.

"Oh yeah, I've fallen out of the silk many times on bad days. Luckily, we have safety mats so it wasn't too scary. Though I did bruise a few times. I'm used to it." you said, looking around and spotting a bar that looked decent.

"I guess people get used to the hardships." Hyunjin said and you nodded with a small smile.

"Do you wanna grab a drink?" you asked and Hyunjin beamed at you.

"Of course!" neither of you wanted the night to end yet when it was so promising, something sweet hanging in the air above you, making you feel at ease with someone you had practically just met.

The bar was almost completely full and the sound of people chattering was almost louder than the music yet you had managed to find two available spots at the counter.

The last time you were at a place like this brought up some unpleasant memories. But you put them aside, instead focusing on Hyunjin who got redder in the face the more the night went on and the more drinks you shared.

He was more talkative then earlier, giggling and hiccuping from time to time as the two of you talked about any random topic that came to mind.

You couldn't remember the last time you were so at ease with someone as you were in his presence, even though he was basically a stranger.

Well, maybe you couldn't call Hyunjin a stranger anymore, not after sharing a nice evening like this one with him.

But as he got more cheery with each drink, you sank down lower against your own will. Too many memories that were still haunting your dreams were surfacing now, especially in your intoxicated state.

Hyunjin noticed you were getting quieter and less attentive, wondering what has got you feeling like this. His eyes fell to your hand, where you kept rubbing at your ring finger, obviously doing it subconsciously.

"You wanna get out of here?" he leaned closer towards you, his hand sliding on the bar, his fingertips almost touching your elbow where you had leaned on it.

"Yeah." you said with a breath of relief.

After paying for the drinks (you had decided to split the bill), Hyunjin and you made your way outside.

You realized it was past midnight as you made it out, the quietness of the night a welcoming change after the loud bar, the emptiness of the streets like a reward after being surrounded by the crowd of people inside.

"Are you okay?" Hyunjin asked cautiously, swaying on his feet a little.

"I'm fine, just got lost in my thoughts. Sorry about that." you gave him a smile.

What you wanted to say was 'I don't wanna be alone tonight', but for some reason you didn't have to say anything. It's like Hyunjin could read your mind.

"We could take a walk?" he suggested and you nodded quickly, burying your hands in your pockets once again.

The walk was quiet at first, Hyunjin sobered up a little and you felt much better being out of the bar, just walking next to him.

"It's really cold." you shivered.

"It is. I'd suggest we drive around but we've both been drinking so I don't think that's a good idea." Hyunjin shivered too, realizing he almost couldn't feel his face from the cold.

"Nope, definitely not." you said.

Hyunjin contemplated inviting you to his apartment, but it felt too soon. Then he remembered he had the keys to his gallery.

"There's a place we can warm up."

"Oh? Where?" you asked, noticing how Hyunjin stepped closer to you, the warmth of his body radiating towards yours.

"The gallery you come to." he took out a set of keys out of his pocket, dangling them in front of your face with a smile. "I know the owner."

Your brows furrowed but against your better judgement, you went with it.

The gallery wasn't far so the walk was short and mostly silent, the only moment where silence was broken was an abrupt shout from a drunken passerby yelling 'Happy New Year!' to the two of you.

You yelled the good wishes back, chuckling as the man stumbled and his friend caught him, leading him away from your sight, mumbling about him being a lightweight.

You stood in front of the building and Hyunjin took the key out again.

"Are you sure the owner won't be mad we're here after hours?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest and hugging yourself in an attempt to keep warm.

Hyunjin giggled at you as he unlocked the door.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"If you say so." you said quietly as the two of you walked in.

Hyunjin closed and locked the door, grabbing his phone so he can turn on the flashlight.

"There's an office in the back." he led the way, not wanting to turn on the lights lest people think the gallery was open and try to walk in.

"Okay." you said, somehow trusting this man you barely knew.

The office was more cozy than you had expected, full of paintings and knick-knacks, looking more like an art studio than an actual office.

It was spacious and had a nice view on the park outside and a comfortable looking couch.

Hyunjin maneuvered through the multiple empty and half-empty canvases, picking up papers and brushes here and there.

"Sorry about the mess. Make yourself at home, I'll go find some wine." he said and you nodded as you took your coat off. You hung it on a rack where Hyunjin hung his before sitting down and sinking into the couch. Hyunjin had turned the heating on, as well as some low music before coming to join you as he carried a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"You're still shivering." he noticed and you shrugged.

"Until the heating does it's thing, I guess." you chuckled with a shrug.

"I'll bring you a blanket." he offered and you wanted to protest but he was already skipping away.

A few moments later both of you were tucked under the warm blanket after kicking your shoes off. The wine was unlike any you had tried before, it woke up your taste buds and slid easily down your throat. Hyunjin even brought some snacks to go with it and you felt relaxed even when your knees brushed against his slightly.

Hyunjin's cheeks became rosy at the contact as he was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that you were sitting here with him, sharing a bottle of wine and talking like you were just some old friends catching up.

"This wine is exquisite." you commented.

"I would hope so, I bought it in Paris and paid a pretty penny for it. I was waiting for a good opportunity to open the bottle." Hyunjin smiled, taking a sip and savoring it.

"And this is a good opportunity?" you chuckled as warmth spread through your body, you were definitely becoming tipsy.

"I deemed it as one." he smiled at you, scooting closer and you got a whiff of his cologne. It was intoxicating and the way he was looking at you felt intimate, like you were two lovers who already knew each other.

"So, Paris. I've never been there." you said.

"I've been multiple times. It's a charming city, though it's not all they make it out to be." Hyunjin said.

"How so?" you asked, not noticing how Hyunjin was now even closer to you, both of you leaning on your elbows. You placed your hand down and Hyunjin's followed yours, right behind it, his fingertips playing with the soft material of your sweater.

"It really shines from afar, as many things do. Once you get there though, the reality slaps you in the face. Lots of streets are really dirty, trash everywhere, lots of rude people. It's just a working, bustling big city like any other. But there is history in its buildings, in its monuments. There's art. The more you go back, the more you crave to be there." Hyunjin explained as you downed your glass, noticing how he was getting dangerously closer to you, his fingers caressing your arm just under your bicep.

"I'd like to see it from my own eyes too, experience the city in its entirety." you tilted your head as your eyes got droopy, a nice buzz appearing inside your head.

"You should go some time. You gotta see Paris at least once in your life." Hyunjin's fingers ran up your bicep slowly.

The air between you became heavier as he stared into your eyes while his fingertips slowly traveled to your shoulder. The tension was palpable as you set your glass aside, inviting him to do the same.

After one last sip, Hyunjin put the glass on the coffee table too, next to the almost empty bottle.

Your breathing got deeper as he touched the side of your neck gently, timidly like he was asking for permission to touch you further.

Your own hand inched closer to his free one, your fingertips touching his. Hyunjin took your hand in his and you noticed just how much bigger his hand was than yours as it almost disappeared inside his. He gently swiped his thumb over your skin as he leaned closer to you.

Your heart was beating hard, on the verge of jumping out, your brain yelling at you and asking you what are you doing, but your body betrayed you as you felt shivers run up your spine and a familiar burning between your legs that you haven't felt in a long time.

Hyunjin was falling apart just the same, a small piece of the stone around his heart breaking and rolling away as you looked at him so sweetly, your eyes giving away your longing and your fear.

He understood. He understood the fear you carried within you as he himself lived with it constantly. So, Hyunjin wanted to savor every second with you, slowly, gently and quietly.

He brought your hand to his lips, gently kissing your knuckles, one by one as you let out a little gasp. He then kissed the top of your hand gently before leaning closer to you again, pressing your palm against his cheek and holding it there.

His other hand held the side of your neck, his fingertips reaching the back of it as he scratched your nape gently.

You wanted to tear away from him and run but he gave you such a feeling of safety, one you almost forgot exists. Hyunjin sensed that you were like a scared animal so he approached you slowly, not wanting to scare you away.

He leaned in, his hot breath hitting your skin before he pressed his lips on your cheek. It was enough to send a wave through your body, one that crashed right in your core.

Hyunjin pressed another kiss into your cheek, then another, and another. You didn't know what to do with yourself as you haven't been this close to someone in a long time so you let your hand fall from his face to his shoulder where you gripped at him.

Hyunjin's lips traveled to your jaw, leaving soft kisses along the line of it towards your ear before coming back to your lips. He looked at you for a moment, fingers tangling in your hair and playing with the strands. You were tongue tied and struggling to breathe as he stared at you intently but softly at the same time.

You didn't say anything so he leaned in again, kissing the corner of your lips before finally pressing his soft lips into yours. You didn't react right away, too shocked while you registered what was happening.

Hyunjin kissed you again so you shut your eyes, moving your lips against his. He tasted of wine and alcohol from the bar and his lips were the softest you'd ever felt against yours. You found yourself hypnotized as you kissed slowly, your warm breaths mingling together as you kept breathing each other in, sharing your air.

Hyunjin's hand on the back of your neck gripped you more firmly as he pressed his lips against yours harder and you grabbed at his sweater with both of your hands, trying to ground yourself somehow, before your body floated away completely.

The slow music, the buzz from the wine and the warmth from Hyunjin's body under the blanket made you feel like you were running a fever. You fell into a rhythm, kissing him and tasting his lips, alternating between having his upper and bottom lip between yours.

Hyunjin felt the heat equally as you did, a rush of blood to his core, making his head spin even faster than it was before. He felt as if he needed you in that moment, just like he needed the air to breathe. Hyunjin's free hand landed on your waist as he licked at your bottom lip, asking for entrance.

You wanted to fight against it but you couldn't, melting into him as you parted your lips. He pushed his tongue in, lapping at yours and tasting you. You were intoxicatingly sweet even though you tasted like alcohol, you had him under your spell and he didn't want to stop.

You bunched his sweater in your hands as he leaned in closer, kissing you harder as his tongue explored your mouth, his hand gripping your waist.

What are you doing?, a voice rang out in your head.

You ignored it and continued kissing Hyunjin, this beautiful and gentle man who had quite literally fallen in front of you tonight, whose name you hadn't known until a few moments after that.

Hyunjin grabbed your face as he kissed you fervently, both of you were now swallowing each other's moans as you had become more desperate with each passing moment.

What are you doing?, the voice asked you again and panic started seeping inside you.

Again, you tried ignoring it as Hyunjin bit on your bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth, his large hands holding your head as his thumbs caressed your cheeks.

He pecked you once, twice, again before he kissed you softly again, his lips slick with spit.

Something nagged at you and you could feel the all consuming fear inside you, almost bringing tears to your eyes.

Quickly, you teared your lips away from Hyunjin's, pushing at his chest as he didn't realize you were pulling away.

"Stop!" you said, your voice breaking as your eyes filled with tears that you tried to blink away.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Hyunjin looked concerned as he gently caressed your cheek.

"No, I need to leave." you said, shaking your head.

"Leave? Now?" he looked confused.

"I'm sorry, it's very late and I just remembered I have something in the morning." you talked as you scrambled to get up and put your shoes on.

Hyunjin knew what you said was a bullshit excuse.

"It's late, stay here. We don't have to kiss if you don't want to. Just... Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." he looked genuinely concerned as you grabbed your coat.

Oh, this sweet man.

"No, no, you didn't. Really. I just have to go." you said, hurriedly making your way out. Hyunjin followed after you as he grabbed the keys.

"Are you sure? I can walk you home at least." he said.

"Don't worry, I'll call a cab." you forced a smile as he unlocked the door reluctantly.

"Will I see you again?" Hyunjin asked, his hand on the door handle.

"Maybe." you whispered as he opened the door.

You didn't even button your coat when you ran out into the snowy night as Hyunjin watched your figure disappear, his fingertips pressed against his lips where he could still taste you.

What did he do wrong? He had no idea why you would suddenly run out on him. The melancholy he felt earlier was back, eating away at him as once again he was left alone.

It's been three weeks since you had seen Hyunjin. You felt stupid and embarrassed for running out like that as soon as you sobered up, wanting the earth to swallow you up after you realized how dumb your excuse sounded.

What bugged you the most was the look on Hyunjin's face as you left. He looked so blue but at the same time, it seemed like there was a flicker of something familiar, like it happened before.

You couldn't wipe that look of his out of your mind. So, you decided to finally go to the gallery, hoping to run into him or someone who knows where he is.

You had no performances scheduled for these past few weeks so you knew you wouldn't run into him at the theater, though you weren't even sure that he'd come see you after the way you left things last time.

It was snowing outside again so you hurried up, almost slipping on the ice that had formed on the sidewalk as you gripped at the door handle.

A new exhibition was adorning the walls and you looked around, seeing no one but a few people just looking at the paintings. As your eyes scanned the room, you noticed all the paintings had something in common.

They were all scratched with angry black circles. No matter what the actual painting underneath showed, the black void was covering it. You gulped as you went from painting to painting, the beautiful colors and brush strokes were all drowned under the the ugly scribbles.

There was one single painting in the corner that wasn't scribbled on and as soon as you saw what it was, your heart stopped.

It was a bottle of wine, and not just any wine, it was the one Hyunjin and you had shared that night coupled with half empty glasses on the table. There was a quote scribbled next to the bottle on the table and it said 'Les étoiles ne peuvent briller sans l'obscurité'. You stared at it as your eyes watered, quickly turning around and leaving out of the gallery with hurried steps as you yanked the door open.

You had just missed Hyunjin as he walked out of the office, his head lifting up from the papers he was looking at only to see the doors closing as you already rounded the street.

-

It has been four weeks since Hyunjin had last seen you, not that he counted. You had a performance at the theater and he stood in front of the poster, seeing you with your bright smile and sparkly clothes, shaping yourself together with the silk. Thoughts started swirling in his mind.

Two years ago

When his partner left him, Hyunjin moped around his apartment, not eating, not sleeping. Everything seemed dull and dark, even painting didn't lift his spirits up. Any time he picked up a piece of paper, it would end up crumpled and thrown wherever. The entire apartment was a mess, but Hyunjin's heart was even a bigger mess.

Something nagged at him to get out of the apartment, the place filled with memories of them laughing together, sharing kisses, being happy. Of the cold look his former lover had on their face as they left him.

Hyunjin dressed warm, burying himself in his coat as he left the apartment. He walked around aimlessly, all the couples holding hands and smiling at each other just adding to his loneliness.

Then he saw it, a poster on the theater wall.

'Aerial silk goddess, y/n! Tonight at 8pm.'

Something pulled him to the beautiful shape he saw in the picture so he randomly walked into the theater and bought the ticket.

Hyunjin had never seen something like this live and seeing you perform had him at the edge of his seat. You were ethereal and breathtaking, moving so beautifully that he wished he didn't have to blink so he didn't miss even a milisecond of watching you. There was something in your movement that had mesmerized him, the way you controlled your body and the silk, how brave you must be to lift yourself up so high and know how to twist and turn so you don't fall.

That night, Hyunjin had finally painted.

Present time

Hyunjin didn't want to let you slip away. Maybe you had shared but one evening together, but there was something untangible between you. Hyunjin had never kissed someone he just met, usually he'd take his time due to his shyness and his cautiousness, but you were an exception. It's like he couldn't help his lips gravitating towards yours.

It seemed that his heart was beating in his stomach as he rushed into the theater, almost knocking someone over and apologizing quickly.

"Good evening, Hyunjin." the older lady at the entrance smiled.

"Evening, Lena." Hyunjin greeted back.

"Here's your ticket." she said.

"Thank you." he paid and rushed upstairs to the gallery.

His leg was bouncing up and down as he waited for the performance to start and as soon as the curtain opened and his eyes fell on you, it was as if his soul was at peace. All the worries and difficulties would disappear ever since that first time he saw you dance until now, even after you walked out. It didn't matter. Hyunjin wasn't going to give up easily, he never did, he was a fighter.

When you finished, Hyunjin quickly got up and rounded the building, waiting for you at the back door and hoping this time you'd come out there and not the front door.

His intuition was right as the door opened and you walked out, stopping in your tracks when you saw him.

"Hyunjin!" you exclaimed, your eyes wide.

"Hey. Came to see you perform, I couldn't miss it." he said as the two of you walked closer to each other.

"Oh." your face softened. "Thank you." you paused. "Look, I'm really sorry for last time, I shouldn't have run out like that in the middle of everything."

"It's okay, maybe you can make it up to me tonight? I mean, we don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. We can take a walk?" Hyunjin suggested, playing with the end of his scarf nervously.

"Sure, I'd like that." you smiled and just like that everything was falling into place. The two of you started walking the same path as you did the last time.

"I went to see the last exhibition in the gallery." you broke the comfortable silence between you.

"Oh... you did?" Hyunjin swallowed with a nervous smile.

"H.H. The initials. It's you, you're the painter and the owner of the gallery." you said, turning to look at him.

"I am. Sorry for not telling you earlier." he gave you a small smile.

"I understand, you want to stay anonymous." you chuckled. "But the paintings...They were very dark. Except the one with the wine bottle..." you trailed off.

"Ugh, don't mind it. Painting is a way to get my thoughts and emotions out. I'm fine, really." Hyunjin smiled though it didn't reach his eyes completely.

"Stars can't shine without darkness." you quoted the french writing that was on his painting, and Hyunjin looked at you wistfully.

"But aren't the stars so beautiful and worth it?" he asked.

"They are." you said as both of you stopped walking, shivers running up your spine.

"Are you cold?" Hyunjin asked and you nodded.

"Wanna go for a drive?"

"Yeah, let's do it." you said and Hyunjin led you to his car that was parked near the gallery.

After unlocking the car, Hyunjin opened the door for you and you got into the passenger seat, buckling up as he got in too. Hyunjin turned the heating on and blasted some music for the atmosphere as he pulled out of the parking lot.

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence as Hyunjin drove the half-empty roads and you stared out the window at the city passing you by, your thumb rubbing at your ring finger again.

As he pulled up to a red light, Hyunjin noticed the movement and wondered again why you were doing that.

"I'm kinda hungry. Are you?" he asked after turning the music down.

"Yeah. We can go to a drive through?" you suggested, noticing it was getting really late and everything was probably closed by now.

He agreed and you ended up getting some junk food, with Hyunjin finding a nice quiet spot to park at with the view of the city and the stars.

"We can get in the backseat." he had suggested and your heart skipped a beat.

"Sure." you nodded, noticing the redness of his cheeks.

Both of you had shed your coats, leaving them up front as you got cozy, Hyunjin turned a light on and the car was heated up enough for the two of you to relax and enjoy your meal.

"I didn't think I'd be eating junk food in the back of a car on a Friday night but here we are." you chuckled, making Hyunjin giggle too.

"I mean, it's a new experience for me too." he said.

"You must be such a forgiving person." you said after a moment of silence.

"Why do you say that?" Hyunjin asked, taking a bite out of his cheeseburger.

"Well, I feel like I insulted you with the way I acted last time. It's just... it's been a while for me. I panicked and overreacted." you explained.

"I figured as much. Actually, it's been a long time for me too." Hyunjin smiled understandingly. "Two years to be exact."

"Three for me." you added with a chuckle.

"Okay, so we're both a bit rusty and it's okay to make mistakes. There's more than one chance, right?" Hyunjin looked at you, his eyes sparkling with a hopeful glint.

"There is." you said quietly.

It dawned on you just then that you were sitting in the backseat of his car in the middle of nowhere and your stomach did somersaults.

Hyunjin felt the same, he was sweating from nerves, having you in his car, so close to him where no one could bother the two of you.

When you finished with your food and drinks, Hyunjin put all the trash in the big bag, getting out of the car to throw it in the can.

The whiff of cold air that reached you in that moment was refreshing as you took a deep breath and waited for him to come back.

"Woo, cold!" Hyunjin practically slid back in, closing the door loudly behind him and you chuckled at his antics.

"It's warm in here." you scooted closer to him.

"Yeah, it is. It can get even warmer." he gave you a little smirk, his hand reaching to touch yours.

"I bet." you whispered as the two of you leaned in.

"Just before we do anything, don't feel pressured. Stop me any time and I'll drive you home instantly." Hyunjin said as he grabbed your hand, entwining your fingers and playing with them.

"Okay." you nodded, squeezing his hand.

Hyunjin used his free hand to guide your face towards his. You melted instantly and even though you had tasted him only once before, you missed the feeling of his lips against yours. You got as close to him as you could and Hyunjin put his hands on your waist, holding you gently.

You placed your hands on his neck, pushing him harder against you, making him gasp into your mouth. Your fingers played with the hair on the back of his neck as he pushed his tongue into your mouth, and you welcomed him. His kisses were getting desperate, as were his hands, moving up and down your waist, lifting your sweater up a little.

When you broke apart for air, you noticed a pretty mole on the side of his neck so you pressed your lips into it and Hyunjin gripped at you, a gasp escaping his lips. His neck was sensitive, you noted in your head, so you started pressing more kisses above the mole, up towards his jaw.

Hyunjin's breathing got deeper, his fingertips sliding under your shirt. You leaned back to look at him, his eyes were hooded with lust, probably mirroring yours. You threw your leg over his thighs, sitting in his lap and Hyunjin moaned quietly when you pressed yourself closer to him.

"Please. Kiss my neck more." he begged, throwing his head back as he squeezed your hips.

How could you deny him when he looked so pretty giving himself to you?

You let your lips wander all over his neck, Hyunjin moaned and gasped as you kissed and nipped at his skin. His hands slid under your shirt and you pressed your core into his, making both of you moan. Even under the layers of warm winter clothes you could feel him straining against his jeans.

You kept kissing and biting at his neck as Hyunjin moaned quietly, his hips moving up into yours. You felt like some school girl making out with your crush, almost chuckling at yourself.

The fears and doubts you felt last time were still gnawing at you but you knew you weren't doing anything wrong. Though a piece of your heart would always remain taken, you could give the rest of it.

"Hey, fun trick." Hyunjin smirked as he caressed your lower back, fingertips dipping down to the swell of your ass.

"What?" you looked at him confusedly.

"The seats go down." he said, still smirking as he reached somewhere under the seat, and they fell down quickly making both of you topple over as you squealed in surprise.

Hyunjin started to laugh and you couldn't help but laugh with him. He looked at you with sparkly eyes and the sweetest smile ever and your heart skipped a beat.

"I don't usually do this." you said, needing to clarify that.

"Me neither." he breathed out as his big hands roamed all over your back.

"I'm nervous." you admitted and Hyunjin giggled.

"If it helps, I'm a nervous wreck too." he said before turning you over slowly, so he was on top.

"It helps." you whispered as your breath got knocked out of your lungs.

Hyunjin looked at you for a moment, his hand caressing your head and playing with your hair before he leaned in and kissed you gently, playing with your tongue.

The kiss was sloppy and messy, your teeth collided a few times but neither of you gave a damn. Hyunjin's hands became more curious, dipping under your shirt to touch your stomach and your waist.

You arched into him and he took that as a sign to continue, his hands sliding up to cup your breasts.

"Mm." he whined against your lips as he started massaging them, his thumbs rolling over your sensitive nipples. You were glad you put on only a flimsy bra you usually wore after a performance.

Hyunjin seemed to appreciate it too, his fingers dipping into it to touch your skin directly. He detached his lips from yours and you chased them, making him chuckle lowly as he leaned in and started kissing your jaw.

His lips traveled down to your neck as he kissed you hungrily just like you had kissed him. His tongue lapped at your skin, his hands still playing with your chest and you couldn't help the little moans escaping your lips.

You got so wet just from kissing him, touch starved and longing for more. Your legs fell open and Hyunjin noticed, his cock twitching painfully inside his pants.

"Can I mark you?" he asked, his eyes darkened as he stared at you, fingertips caressing your neck.

"Yes." you said breathlessly and Hyunjin licked at your skin before sinking his teeth into your sensitive spot.

"Ah!" you gasped, gripping at his upper back, digging your nails into him. Hyunjin's hand slowly slid towards your pants as he sucked a love bite into your skin.

His hand stopped at your navel as he kissed your collarbone, his fingers dipping a bit under your pants.

"Can I, please?" he whispered, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Yes, yes." you nodded quickly and Hyunjin pecked your lips softly a few times as he unbuttoned your pants.

He nosed your cheek before leaving gentle kisses everywhere on your face as his hand slid lower towards your warmth. He kissed your neck again as his fingers inched closer to where you needed him the most. Hyunjin leaned back to look at your face when he pressed his finger into your clit.

You gasped, arching into his touch, your eyes fluttering. He bit on his lip as he watched your reaction, drinking in your pretty face, flushed with arousal and want. He circled the bud with his fingertips while you moaned quietly, your hands pushing under his sweater and the shirt he had underneath it.

His skin was hot under your palms, the softness of it inviting you to touch him more. Hyunjin reveled in your touch, melting as his fingertips dipped between your clothed folds.

"You're so wet." Hyunjin licked at his lips as he touched you gently, coaxing more arousal out of you.

You looked at him as your face burned, embarrassment seeping in but you ignored it, letting your hands slide on his body, exploring his firm abs. You could feel his stomach quivering as soon as you ran your hands there, playing with his happy trail that lead to his core.

Hyunjin cupped your breast with his free hand, pulling your bra down and playing with your nipple as he pushed his hand into your panties, touching your pussy without anything covering it. You clenched around nothing immediately, your hands working to unbutton his pants.

You looked at him, his eyes were narrowed and full of lust but there was something soft still inside them.

"Touch me, darling." he breathed out as you hesitated. You pushed your hand in his underwear, clenching around nothing again when you felt just how big and hard he was, dripping pre cum in your palm, throbbing to be touched by you.

Hyunjin whined at the restricted movements, pulling his hand out of your pants just to slide them down. Your face instantly flushed in embarrassment when you remembered the panties you wore today.

Hyunjin looked down and giggled at your pink panties that said 'Finally Friday!'.

"That's so cute." he laughed and you smacked his arm.

"Shut up." you whined, covering your face. "I didn't think you'd be stripping me tonight." your voice was muffled behind your palms.

"I was hoping I would." he teased and you smacked his arm again, making him chuckle.

"It's okay, I'm wearing pjs under my sweater." Hyunjin took his sweater off, revealing a short sleeved shirt with a cartoon dog sleeping on it.

You started giggling and Hyunjin's face flushed like yours.

"Laugh all you want, it's the most comfortable t-shirt that I own."

"It's cute." you said, grabbing the back of his neck, your fingertips caressing him and playing with his hair.

Hyunjin smiled as he leaned in to kiss you, his hands sliding on your stomach and lifting your sweater up. You let him take it off, your hands tugging at his cute pjs. He chuckled and took it off too and you almost had a heart attack.

You knew he was handsome but you had no idea his body was this perfect. You had an urge to kiss and worship every inch of his skin. Hyunjin's heart started beating fast under your mesmerized gaze.

"What?" he chuckled nervously.

"You're beautiful." you said and he chuckled again.

"Says you." he smirked, his hands on your shoulders as he slowly slid your bra straps down. You unhooked it and took it off, watching Hyunjin's reaction as he licked his lips, staring at your chest with blown pupils.

He leaned in and started kissing your collarbone, your skin hot against his lips as he reveled in the softness and sweet scent of you. He kissed the swell of your breasts before licking at your nipple and taking it in his mouth.

You whimpered, arching into him instantly and he closed his eyes while he sucked on your breast, his hand sliding down to your panties again. Hyunjin hooked his fingers into the end of them and you lifted your middle so he could take them off.

As soon as they were off, your hands were back on his pants and Hyunjin moaned around you as he looked up at you. He leaned back and took his jeans off together with his boxers, making you drool instantly.

"Oh."

"I hope that was a good 'oh'." he said with a cute smile gracing his face, his eyes filling up with innocence for a moment.

"More than good." you smirked, wrapping your hand around his heavy cock. Hyunjin exhaled loudly, his brows furrowing and his body shivering when you slid your thumb against his slit.

"Fuck. I'm probably gonna cum fast, I'm sorry." he chuckled awkwardly, shutting his eyes tightly.

"Me too." you giggled and he looked at you, his face softening.

"Oh, I know darling. I'll make sure you do." Hyunjin said lowly, his hands sliding on your inner thighs, making you open your legs more. Being flexible came in handy as you were spread completely for him and Hyunjin's cock twitched at the sight.

Hyunjin's fingers slid against your wet folds, teasing you with his fingertips dipping between and then coming back up to play with your clit. You felt like you were burning up slowly as you teased his slit, smearing the beads of pre cum on his tip.

He took in shaky breaths as you touched him, sliding your hand down to grip him, making his hips jolt into your hand.

"Y/n." he breathed out as he massaged your clit in circles, pressing his fingers harder into it.

"Hyunjin." you moaned, slowly moving your hand and he bit on his lip as he closed his eyes and threw his head back.

"Say my name again." he groaned and you whimpered out his name as he pressed his finger against your folds.

He looked down at you, needing to see your face when he pushed it inside you. You gasped, moaning at the feeling of his long finger touching you where you hadn't been touched in so long other than by yourself.

Hyunjin fucked you slowly, in the same rhythm as you moved your hand around his cock, watching every twitch of your lips, every flicker of fire inside your eyes, every time your brows furrowed, every time your lips parted in a gasp.

His other hand was on your breast, playing with your nipple and squeezing as your free hand landed on his bicep, gripping onto it for purchase.

You leaned up to kiss his collarbone as you flicked your wrist and moved your hand faster and Hyunjin melted, moaning as he slid his finger out.

"One more?" he pressed two of his fingers against you and you nodded quickly.

"Please." you whimpered and he pushed in, eliciting another gasp out of you.

Hyunjin matched your pace, driving you crazy and making your hand stutter for a moment before you regained control of it. You were determined to make him feel good as he was determined to satisfy you. He found your sweet spot when you moaned loudly, saying 'right there!' so he fucked you faster as you gripped the back of his neck and pulled him in closer, kissing him desperately.

Your tongues entwined in a passionate kiss, as you brought each other closer to ecstasy. The air inside Hyunjin's car became so hot that it was hard to breathe, as both of you moaned and kissed, not caring about spit and the sweat forming on your bodies. Hyunjin couldn't help himself as he rutted into your hand all the while driving you insane with his pretty fingers. The wet sounds of your pussy and his cock were making you feel even more aroused, your legs shaking as you felt your orgasm building up.

"I'm close!" you whimpered.

"Me too. Cum for me, darling." Hyunjin groaned, leaning his forehead against yours and kissing your face as he fucked your brains out with just his fingers.

"Mm, yes!" you whimpered, twitching against his hand as you came and squirted all over your thighs and the seat.

Hyunjin gasped, quickly pulling his fingers out so he could grab his cock, letting your hand rest for a moment as he tugged on it a few times only to explode on your clenching pussy, his cum landing in spurts all over your core, inner thighs and navel.

"Fuck." he groaned, collapsing on top of you, neither of you caring about all the stickiness.

Hyunjin buried his face in your neck as you wrapped your arms and legs around him, one of your hands buried in his hair and the other gently caressing his back. His hand was resting on your breast, squeezing occasionally as the two of you slowly came down from your high.

You were so wrapped up in him, the weight of his body on yours, his warmth, his soft skin, his spent cock resting on your inner thigh, his breath tickling your neck. You hadn't felt this close to someone in years and your eyes welled up with tears. Hyunjin laid blissfully against you, his heart beating fast in tandem with yours, he smiled as he pressed his lips gently into one of the marks he had left on your skin.

When you sniffled, Hyunjin was alarmed and looked up at you instantly to find you crying.

"Y/n, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" he panicked immediately and you shook your head.

"No, it's just... This is embarrassing. But I think I was really touch starved." you admitted and Hyunjin smiled at you softly as he wiped your tears away.

"Well, I am too. It's okay." he said, kissing your cheeks.

You held him tighter against your body, your lips sliding down his neck again where you found his sensitive spot and sank your teeth into it. Hyunjin whimpered, his limp cock twitching against you.

You sucked until a pretty purple bruise appeared on his soft skin, kissing it a few times as he breathed deeply.

"I'm sorry if I ruined the mood with my crying."

"You didn't ruin anything." he smiled, this sweet, beautiful and gentle man and your heart kept fluttering as you gently touched each other everywhere, curiously exploring each other's bodies.

"I just..." you started and Hyunjin could see you were struggling.

"You don't have to explain anything. Just tell me when you're ready." he said, kissing your forehead.

"Are you even real?" you asked with a smile and he laughed, his face becoming so red and adorable.

"I am." he smirked and kissed you hard to prove the point.

You didn't think you could love again but now a flicker of hope was starting to burn within you. Hyunjin held you in his arms like you were his entire world, caressing you gently as you kept touching his soft skin. Somehow, you dosed off while he kept you warm.

"Y/n."

"Huh?" you blinked confusedly until Hyunjin's face materialized in front of you, realizing he had pulled his coat over your body, his arms still wrapped around you and your legs tangled together.

"The sun will be up soon. You wanna get dressed and watch the sunrise?" he whispered and you smiled tiredly at him.

"Yeah." you nodded.

The two of you spent a few minutes trying to find all your clothing and Hyunjin found a water bottle so you could get hydrated.

As soon as you were wrapped up in your coats, you finally left the car and walked outside.

The crisp morning air was very much welcomed after the stuffy atmosphere inside the car that you had created. You took in a deep breath as Hyunjin left the doors open and came closer to you, leading you to the front of his car.

He leaned on the hood, pulling your body into his and holding you flush against him, your back pressed into his front. The first rays of sunshine were brightening up the sky as he held you tightly.

His lips brushed against your ear before he spoke.

"Si tu pouvais lire dans mon coeur, tu verrais la place où je t'ai mise." Hyunjin whispered and you giggled as his breath tickled your skin.

"I don't know what you just said but it sounds romantic." you said and he chuckled.

"It is." he smirked as you looked back at him.

"You're not gonna tell me what it means, are you?"

"Nope." he answered, his cheeks rosy.

"I had to google translate that quote on the painting." you shook your head and Hyunjin chuckled.

"Look at it this way; you're learning a new language." he said with a smug smirk, making you giggle.

The next few moments you enjoyed the comfortable silence and the warmth of his body pressed against yours as the sun slowly came out. You couldn't believe you had welcomed the dawn with Hyunjin, the images of the two of you in his car stuck in your mind, making your body react instantly as your face heated up, your heart beating fast and your core throbbing.

"I don't wanna go home yet." Hyunjin said, pressing a kiss to your jaw.

"Me neither. We could get breakfast?" you suggested and Hyunjin smiled, his eyes warm and hypnotizing as he looked at you sweetly, the sun adding to his shine.

"I like the way you think." he said with a smile as you turned around in his arms.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as he pressed your body into his, staring into your eyes. You leaned in and kissed him as the sun warmed up your back. Hyunjin kissed you like his life depended on it and when you tried to pull away, he cradled your head in his hands and kept kissing you until you were breathless.

"Let's go, I'm starving." he said when you parted and you agreed.

Hyunjin drove and put some music on, singing along at first absentmindedly until you giggled so he turned to you occasionally and sang dramatically, making a show of it.

"You know it's like not even 7am?" you laughed at him.

"I know but I didn't sleep so I'm wired." he chuckled, turning the music down.

"What did you do while I slept?" you asked as he pulled up to a red light.

"I enjoyed your presence." he smirked, grabbing your hand and kissing it. "Give me a kiss before it turns on." he motioned to the light and you leaned in with a chuckle, pecking his lips before he kept driving.

Hyunjin found the closest diner and the two of you spent the early morning hours together, a warm cup of coffee and a stack of pancakes being the perfect ending to a beautiful outing.

Somehow, Hyunjin made it easy to forget about everything, to just have a good time and enjoy the moment you were in. You didn't want to part from him but you had work in the afternoon and you needed some sleep so you don't fall and injure yourself while instructing the other dancers.

It was close to 9am when you walked out of the diner.

"I'll drive you home if you want." Hyunjin said with a little sigh and a sweet smile still etched on his face.

"Sure." you nodded.

You were crashing by then, really wanting to catch up on some sleep, not even the coffee helped wake you up.

"This is where I live." you pointed to Hyunjin as he pulled up in front of your building.

He leaned back on his seat, his head resting on it as he looked at you with a look of pure infatuation, the lovesick look you recognized very well.

"Well, this was wonderful. I don't remember the last time I did something like this." Hyunjin said.

"Probably high school." you said and he giggled.

"Definitely." he shivered thinking of those times. "When can I see you again?" he asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"I'm free on Sunday." you said and he smiled, relief flashing in his eyes.

"You wanna come to my place?" he bit on his lip, looking you up and down, making your heart skip a beat. "I kinda suck at cooking but it would be fun to make dinner together?"

"Sure. I'd like that." you said, your cheeks warming up.

"I live above the gallery so you know where to find me." Hyunjin's hand found yours, playing with your fingers as he looked at you sweetly.

"6pm sound good?" you asked.

"Perfect." he whispered and leaned in.

You met him in the middle, kissing gently and softly as the world melted away around you.

"See you Sunday." you said as you walked out of his car, giving him a little wave.

"À bientôt, ma chérie." Hyunjin whispered to himself as he watched you enter your building.

Sunday couldn't come soon enough for Hyunjin. He was practically vibrating the entire night on Saturday, tossing and turning in his bed as he kept thinking about you, flipping image after image in his mind, of the last time and how it will be this time.

You weren't any better, a kind of excitement building up inside you and making you squeal into your pillow. You never thought you'd feel like this again, not after what happened three years ago. You pushed all those thoughts in the back of your mind and focused on Hyunjin, his kisses and touches, his warm eyes and cute smile.

Both of you had sweet dreams that night.

-

It was a colder evening as it snowed again and Hyunjin waited next to his window so he can see you come out of the cab and come get you.

He played some slow melancholy music that was creating a warm mood inside his apartment and with his heart beating fast in anticipation to see you, Hyunjin thought the city never looked as romantic as it did tonight.

He observed the falling snowflakes melting into the ground around all the people who walked hurriedly on the street. Yes, it was cold and dark but to Hyunjin every little snowflake danced beautifully just like you did, twirling in your silk like you were some ethereal being.

As soon as the cab pulled up, Hyunjin ran off to grab his jacket and meet you downstairs, almost tripping over his own feet on the way there.

You lifted your head when you heard a door opening and a breathless Hyunjin appeared in front of you, a toothy smile spreading on his face instantly.

"Hey, handso-" you were about to compliment him, but Hyunjin had already gripped the back of your neck and crashed his lips on yours, knocking the breath out of your lungs.

You grabbed at his jacket, pulling him closer as he kissed you like his life depended on it.

"Oh." you inhaled the cold air when you parted.

"Missed you." Hyunjin pressed his forehead against yours and your face started burning like a forest fire.

"Already?" you chuckled.

"Didn't you miss me?" he pouted cutely as he held your face.

"I missed you too." you said and he smiled, kissing you again.

"Let's get inside." he shivered as he grabbed your hand and led you inside the building.

You were interested to see how he decorated his apartment, being an artist and all and you were not surprised to see that it was a creative mess.

"Sorry if it's messy, I'm always painting or doing something so everything ends up everywhere." Hyunjin noticed you were looking around.

"No, I like it. It's... eccentric." you smirked and he laughed shyly.

"Thank you." he said.

"What happened to that wall?" you pointed at one of the walls in his kitchen that had messy paint streaks on it.

"Well. That was a few years ago when I was frustrated because I didn't have any inspiration to paint so the wall was the victim of my frustrations." Hyunjin explained as he grabbed a bottle of wine.

"Did it get you out of the slump?" you asked curiously.

"Not really. Something else did." he smiled, his eyes sparkly. "Wanna start with some wine?"

"Sure." you nodded.

"This is Muscat d'Alsace, it goes perfectly with what I planned out for dinner." Hyunjin smiled as he poured the wine. "I fell in love with it when I traveled to the Alsace region in France. It's a wonderful blend of German and French culture and food." he added before swirling the liquid and smelling it, prompting you to do the same.

He took a sip and you followed, the fruity taste and the subtle floral note landing nicely on your tongue.

"It's wonderful." you said and Hyunjin chuckled.

"I'm glad you like it." he said.

"What are we cooking?" you asked.

"To go with the theme of Alsace I wanted us to make tarte flambée but it's not the same if you don't have a wood-burning oven with a stone floor which I obviously don't own. So we can make bacon, cheddar and onion quiche as a substitute."

"Sounds good to me." you smiled and Hyunjin came closer to you.

"Are you hungry, ma chérie?" he smirked, his eyes narrowing. "Cause I'm very very hungry." he pulled his lip between his teeth as he looked at you like you were the most delicious meal ever.

"Oh, I'm hungry too. I'll even have room for dessert." you smirked back at him, your hand sliding from his wrist slowly up to his shoulder.

Hyunjin's eyes fluttered for a moment as he sucked in a breath. It was obvious that even the littlest touch drove him insane. He was drawn to you like a moth to a flame and you felt him pulling you in more and more with every second you spent with him.

He kissed you slowly, sensually as his hands landed on your waist, fingers splayed and tickling you lightly. You caressed his face, melting into his sweet lips.

"We better get started if we want to get to that dessert quickly." he winked at you and you chuckled, your face becoming red.

Hyunjin pulled up the recipe on the internet and sifted through his kitchen to take out everything you'll need. You put your hair up so it doesn't annoy you while you cook and Hyunjin stopped in his tracks immediately as you organized the groceries.

"Ah!" you squealed in surprise when you felt his arms wrapping around your middle. His lips followed, pressing on the back of your neck gently, his hot breath making goosebumps rise on your skin.

"Qui t'a donc fait si jolie, tu me rends fou..." he whispered before kissing you again, right where you were most sensitive.

You turned putty immediately, grabbing at his hands that were holding you tightly.

"Hyunjin..." you had no idea what he said but it could've been a love spell as you kept falling deeper into him, becoming a fool with a crush or maybe something more.

"Sorry, I'll stop distracting you." he pressed a little kiss to your shoulder and you giggled, almost telling him that no, he shouldn't stop and he should keep distracting you.

The two of you then fell into small talk as you cooked together, taking sips of the sweet wine, the sound of laughter filling up the space. Both of you hadn't felt like this in a long time and Hyunjin was happy that his apartment seemed brighter the moment you walked in.

"Now we wait for it to bake." Hyunjin put the quiche into the oven as you leaned on the counter, taking another sip of the Alsace wine.

"How long?"

"10 minutes." Hyunjin came to you, wrapping around you again. His lips were on your face instantly, kissing your cheeks and jaw. You chuckled as he pressed his body into yours, your hands tangling in his hair while your lips attached to his.

"I love this music." Hyunjin whispered, swaying a little and pulling you with him.

"Is this John Coltrane?" you asked and Hyunjin chuckled in delight.

"It is. From his album Ballads, first song." he smiled as he leaned his cheek on yours and the two of you started slow dancing. Something stirred up in your stomach and your chest, you almost felt like throwing up or screaming with excitement while the two of you enjoyed the slow, intimate moment.

The world quite literally disappeared and nothing mattered but the two of you. You could love again, you were becoming more and more sure of it.

Hyunjin kept kissing you and holding you during the 10 minutes before you had to take out the quiche. His hands never left you even while you waited for it too cool down a little.

"Oh. This is amazing." you said after tasting it.

"We did it together." he smiled. "It's very close to tarte flambée, but one day hopefully you can try the original thing."

"I hope so too." you said and the two of you continued eating.

After dinner, you helped clean up and Hyunjin took you to his room where he had a working space for painting.

"When I said earlier that something else got me out of that slump... it was you." Hyunjin admitted, his cheeks red.

"Me?" your eyes widened.

"Please, don't be creeped out." Hyunjin sighed as he took out a few canvases, all of them having one thing in common - you and your silk.

"Wow." you let out a chuckle.

"You inspired me a lot. You're my muse." he said, his hand on your cheek.

"I am?" you asked and he nodded as the two of you sat down on his bed, still holding yout glasses of wine, the last drops left from the bottle.

"Two years ago I went through a bad breakup. It left my heart completely shattered, so much so I thought I'd never paint or love again. But then I accidentally went to the theater and saw you perform. You looked unreal, you still do whenever you dance, even when you just sit here in front of me, y/n." Hyunjin said and your heart started beating faster. "I started painting again after seeing you performing, showing your art to the world."

"Hyunjin, that's so sweet." you swooned and he giggled.

"It is?" his brows shot up and you nodded quickly.

"Mhm. Adorable." you smirked, putting your glass on the nightstand as well as Hyunjin's. His lips parted as you turned back around to look at him, your eyes filling up with lust and hunger.

You grabbed his face, kissing him as you sat in his lap. Hyunjin's hands landed on your hips immediately as he pulled you closer to his body, hands sliding to your ass as he gripped at you.

You kissed until you had to part for breath all the while Hyunjin grabbed at your ass and hips.

"You're so addicting, darling." he looked at you with hooded eyelids.

"You are too." you said, placing your palms against his chest and pushing him down.

Hyunjin gasped as he let himself fall, his hands on either side of his head as he looked up at you sweetly. You leaned over him, moving some hair out of his face as he blinked at you.

"So pretty." you praised him and he reveled in your words and your touch as you slid your hand on his neck down to his chest and navel then back up again, brushing against his nipples.

Hyunjin started breathing harder the more you touched him, your hands dipping under his shirt. He kept looking at you as your hands explored his soft skin, his abs, his waist to his chest as you started playing with his nipples. Hyunjin whimpered quietly, his hands clenched into fists as he lifted his hips into yours. You could feel he was getting excited already.

You slowly started grinding against him as you pinched his nipples, making Hyunjin groan while he matched your pace.

"Y/n." he whimpered, his hands gripping at your thighs.

"Hyunjin." you placed your hands on his neck and his eyes fluttered as he leaned into your touch.

It was incredibly sexy to see such a beautiful man giving himself to you so eagerly.

You stopped your movements just to leave kisses on his neck and collarbone, taking your time to press your lips into every beauty mark you could find. You took his shirt off and continued kissing his chest as he wrapped his arms around you and closed his eyes.

He opened them when you brushed your lips against his nipple before pressing your tongue against it and playing with him.

"Mm, darling." Hyunjin whined, arching into you, his hands going up and down on your back, moving more desperately with each swipe of your tongue.

You kissed down to his stomach as he kept shivering against you, his hand caressing your head. You looked up at him as you placed your lips on his happy trail and Hyunjin gasped a little, his dick twitching in his pants.

"Oh god." he groaned when you licked at the happy trail before pressing a kiss to his clothed tip. "Please."

You smirked, leaning back and unbuttoning his pants. You slid them down, looking at his cock almost bursting out of his boxers. Hyunjin watched your hand as you gripped him through his underwear before palming him shortly.

"Fuck." he cursed, pushing into your hand as he tried desperately to get any kind of friction.

"Don't worry, I'll make you feel good." you whispered, hooking your fingers in his boxers and pulling them down. Hyunjin whined as his cock slapped his stomach, shutting his eyes tightly when you giggled in delight.

"Mm, do what you want darling." he groaned.

You pressed your finger into his slit, smearing the pre cum and teasing him as he opened his eyes and whined. You slid between his legs, leaning down and pressing your lips to his inner thighs, your free hand gently fondling his balls as your other massaged his tip.

"Ah, fuck!" Hyunjin's hips jerked, his thighs trembling while you stimulated him. "Keep going." he begged, his hand tangling in your hair, the other gripping at the sheet beneath him.

Your lips came closer to his cock and his breath hitched as you pressed them on the base of it. He leaned up a little to look at you and you smirked at him, wanting to worship him and tease him all at once. He looked so adorable with his face flushed and his eyebrows furrowed, lips swollen and his legs spread. You pressed gentle kisses into his cock, following the vein to the tip as you slowly traveled up, making him twitch every time you touched him. Hyunjin gasped quietly as you licked at the vein before dipping your tongue into his slit, tasting the salty pre cum and then swirling your tongue around the head.

"Oh god." Hyunjin groaned again as he gripped at your hair. You whimpered quietly, your eyes fluttering as you wrapped your lips around his tip. "Sweet girl." he moaned, ruining the little makeshift bun you had from when the two of you were cooking.

That spurred you on so you slid down, taking more of him in and enjoying his taste and the heaviness of him on your tongue. You gripped the base as you squeezed his balls lightly, sucking on him harder and Hyunjin's hips jerked up involuntarily.

A string of curses left his lips as he pulled on your hair. You moaned around him, sucking on him faster and enjoying the pretty moans that were falling out of his mouth. You wanted to hear more of him, you wanted to drive him crazy, have him shiver against your face while you milked him dry.

Hyunjin started shivering the faster you went, using your hands, your lips and tongue to bring him to the edge. He thrashed against the bed, hips lifting up into you and making you gag around him as he fisted the sheets.

"I- I can't!" he moaned out but you didn't stop.

Hyunjin moaned desperately as he exploded, filling your mouth up with his warm cum as you swallowed every last drop, overstimulating him a little until you were sure he was completely limp.

"Fucking hell." he let out a chuckle of disbelief. "You did so well." he added as you hovered over him with a cheeky smile. Before you could answer he pulled you in for a kiss, tasting himself on your tongue and moaning into your mouth. He stripped you slowly as he still came down from his high, his lips pressed into every inch of exposed skin they could find. He rolled over so he was on top, detaching from your lips to take a good look at you.

You were ready this time, wearing a nice set of black and red lacy lingerie and Hyunjin chuckled.

"No 'Finally Sunday' panties?" he teased and you laughed, smacking his arm as your face warmed up.

"Shut up, oh my god." the two of you laughed as he scooped you up on his arms, hugging you tightly.

You held each other for a few moments before he gently laid you down again. You let him take off your bra and his hands caressed your body softly.

"Thank you for dressing up for me but I like you much more when you're all natural." Hyunjin smirked, sliding your panties off.

"Well, here I am." you said nervously, his room being brighter than the car.

"Gorgeous." he licked at his lips as he looked at you. "Do you trust me?" he reached towards his nightstand, opening the drawer.

Your lips parted as you stared into his warm, sweet eyes.

"I do." you whispered and Hyunjin smiled.

"Close your eyes, ma chérie." he said and you did so, anticipation building in your stomach. Hyunjin's spent cock twitched at your compliance. He watched your chest rise and fall with every breath you took as he grabbed the blindfold in the drawer. You felt the soft fabric on your face and gasped as he wrapped it around your eyes and tied it.

"Stop me any time, okay?" he said, his thumb swiping over your lips slowly.

"Mhm." you nodded.

You had no idea what he was going to do, where he was going to touch you but you knew he was searching for something as you heard him rummage through the drawer.

"Relax, my sweet." Hyunjin smirked as you wriggled around, gripping at the pillow under your head.

You waited with bated breath and then you felt it pressed against your nipple. You gasped when your mind registered it, Hyunjin had found a clean soft brush to tease you with. A whimper escaped your lips as he moved the soft bristles up and down your sensitive nipple, changing it to left and right movement as you shivered.

He leaned in closer, his warm breath hitting your face as he continued slowly torturing your nipples, the touch was so gentle that it left you craving more, driving you completely insane as you gushed arousal from your core.

Hyunjin smirked, enjoying seeing you like this as he nosed at your cheek before kissing you softly. He leaned back and took one of your hands in his, pressing a kiss to your wrist and you moaned as he sped up the movements on your nipples.

Hyunjin's lips danced on your skin as they traveled up your arm and you were becoming breathless. Hyunjin could see and smell your arousal and it was making him feel intoxicated, his cock reacting to you right away. Suddenly, all the stimulation was taken away and you whined.

"Shh. I got you." Hyunjin shushed you, before you felt his tongue against your nipple. A little moan escaped your lips as he played with you, taking your nipple in his mouth and sucking on it. You wished so badly you could see his face and his lips wrapped around your bud.

Hyunjin's hands slid up your inner thighs to your throbbing pussy and he spread you apart, his thumb finding your clit immediately.

"Ah!" you moaned, jolting as he slid his thumb against your sensitive clit. "H-Hyunjin!"

He sucked on your breast harder, one of his hands holding your pussy open to expose your clit as he grabbed the brush again, moving it in circles against your bud.

"Oh!" you whimpered, shaking as he attacked your clit with fast movements, now giving your other breast attention too. "Please!" you begged as he dipped the brush into your wetness, gathering it and bringing it to your clit again.

"Tell me what you need, chérie." he whispered, kissing your nipple.

"More." you groaned as he smirked.

"Patience, my darling." he chuckled before continuing his ministrations. You were a whimpering, shaking mess with just the little stimulation he was giving you. Hyunjin noticed the goosebumps rising on your skin so he pressed into you harder, moving the brush faster as your slick coated it completely.

"Hyunjin!" you grabbed at his arm, digging your nails into his biceps.

"Let go for me." he kissed your neck gently a few times before pecking your lips. You moved your hips in tandem with his hand, bringing yourself to ecstasy as you came, moaning his name. Hyunjin played with your clit until you were whimpering and closing your legs around his hand.

He finally threw the brush aside before taking off the blindfold. You blinked a few times while your eyes adjusted to the light.

"I need to taste you." Hyunjin looked almost crazed with lust and a wave of warmness passed through your body.

"Yes." you whispered breathlessly. He kissed all the way down to your pussy before spreading it apart again and pushing his tongue inside instantly, making you whimper and jolt.

"Oh wow!" you exclaimed as he started eating you out immediately, his tongue fucking in and out of your wet hole, lips slurping at your essence and nose brushing against your clit.

Hyunjin gripped at the back of your thighs, pushing your legs down to spread them more as he continued making out with your pussy, moaning into you as you whimpered loudly, gripping at his hair and pressing his head against you.

"F-fuck, Hyunjin!" you whimpered as tears of pleasure gathered in your eyes.

"You taste the sweetest, ma chérie." he said lustfully before sucking on your clit, his fingers pressing against your folds. You urged him on with your moans and the way you pulled on his hair, giving him just enough pain that made him hard. Hyunjin couldn't help pressing his cock against the mattress to feel some kind of relief. He pushed his two of fingers inside you, fucking you as his tongue lapped at your swollen clit.

Your moaning got louder and Hyunjin almost came on the spot just from your taste and the sounds you were making for him. He scissored his fingers inside you, his other hang gripping your thigh. You looked down at him and the image of him rutting against the mattress while he pleased you made you come undone as you exploded, squirting on him and gasping in shock.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" you felt embarrassed when you saw his face covered in you.

"For what, darling? That was so hot." he wiped at his face before leaning down to give you a few more kitten licks and a few kisses to your clit.

"It was?" you shook a little.

"Yes, I can't get enough of you. Will you let me have you completely?" Hyunjin looked at you with eyes full of lust as he hovered over you, his tip pressing against your wet folds.

"Please, I need you." you whimpered and Hyunjin smiled before grabbing his cock and running the tip all over your entrance, giving attention to your clit and slapping it a few times with his tip.

You moaned, arching into him as he leaned over you, kissing you passionately while he pushed in.

"Slowly, please, it's been a while." you whispered, hiding your face in the crook of his neck and looking down at where he was disappearing inside you.

"Of course." his voice was strained as he held back, spreading you open slowly like a delicate flower blossoming. You wrapped around him snuggly and perfectly, sucking him in as he kept pushing further.

He made you look at him as he bottomed out, both of you moaning. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you as you clung onto him like a koala, inhaling his scent and kissing his ear and neck. He giggled as he played with your hair and caressed the back of your neck.

"You can move." you whispered as you kissed his cheek.

"Mm, darling." Hyunjin groaned as he started moving his hips languidly, making you feel every inch of his hardness inside your warm core.

"You feel perfect around me, my angel, my muse." he praised you, fucking you slowly. You opened up your legs completely and he grabbed one of them, putting it over his shoulder as he leaned down to kiss you.

"You feel perfect inside me, too." you groaned as his tip pressed into your sweet spot. "T-there!" you whimpered, trying to grab at him.

Hyunjin fucked you a little harder but still slowly, taking his time as he leaned back a little to kiss the side of your leg, down to your ankle, the gentle kisses driving you insane as he spread you open with his cock. You were almost making some kind of half split and you were thankful that you were flexible so you could feel Hyunjin buried deep inside you.

He gripped your foot, kissing the side of it as he looked at you hungrily.

"Darling." he whined, pushing your knees to your shoulders. "I wanna be inside you forever." Hyunjin groaned, fucking you harder as his hips slapped against your ass.

"Ah, please Hyunjin!" you cried out, your mind almost completely gone as he brought you pleasure like you've never felt before.

"Please what?" he smirked a little his hands grabbing at your breasts and massaging them.

"Harder, please!" you whimpered.

"Harder, huh?" he kept smirking as he pressed you down as started fucking harder into you, bringing his entire weight onto your core. You shook as you moaned his name loudly, exploding around his cock and Hyunjin twitched inside you.

"Gonna cum too." he whimpered, scrunching his face up in pleasure.

"Inside me." you breathed out, eyes rolling back from pleasure.

"Are you sure?" his eyes widened a little as he looked at you, all spread out for him.

"I'm sure." you wrapped your legs around him, bringing him closer, your hands on his back. Hyunjin gripped at your hips and buried his face in your neck, fucking harder into you as his teeth sank into your skin.

"A-ah!" you moaned louder and louder, Hyunjin's hips stuttering as he started moaning into your ear before he gripped at you tightly and exploded, burying his warm cum deep inside you, riding his high as he kept fucking into you.

"My darling." he said it so sweetly as you held onto each other, both of you sweaty, wet and breathless. Your ears were ringing, your legs cramping and it took you a moment to even realize that music was playing from his living room this entire time.

"Stay with me. Sleep here, I wanna hold you in my arms." he said as he kissed you.

"I'll stay." you smiled, caressing his face and moving the hair that stuck to his sweaty forehead. Hyunjin looked at you cutely, that lovesick look on his face again before he slid out of you and laid his cheek on your breast.

"Let's just stay like this for a moment." he whispered.

"Okay." you said, carding your fingers though his hair.

He was like a comfort blanket on top of you and despite all the stickiness between you, you almost fell asleep.

"Hey, don't fall asleep yet, chérie." Hyunjin lifted his head up to look at you. "We still have dessert left."

"I thought this was the dessert." you giggled and he smirked.

"It was. Special kind of dessert." he wiggled his eyebrows. "But no, I bought crème brûlée for us. I wanted to make it but I don't think they'd taste very good so..." he trailed off and you chuckled.

"You're so sweet, Hyun." you whispered, caressing his head.

"I think that's you, especially after tasting you." Hyunjin smirked, tickling your sides and making you laugh.

"Shut up." you groaned in embarrassment, covering your face.

"We should clean up, pretty." he said, kissing your wrists and hands.

"Yeah, um, I didn't bring anything for a sleepover." you uncovered your face as Hyunjin sat up and pulled you up with him.

"You didn't want to spend the night?" he pouted and you shook your head.

"I didn't want to impose on you." you played with your fingers as Hyunjin gently placed his hand on your knee, caressing you with his thumb.

"I invited you over, you're not imposing at all. I'm looking forward to having you next to me all night."

"Well then, I'm looking forward to being here with you." you whispered as he pressed his lips against yours.

"I'll give you some clothes to sleep in. And I definitely have a spare toothbrush somewhere." he said as the two of you made your way to his bathroom. You chuckled as you walked in and saw different paintings on the walls, most of them chipped and unrecognizable.

"Ignore that." Hyunjin's cheeks got rosy as he led you to the shower.

He adjusted the temperature of the water and kept turning to look at you. You were rubbing your ring finger subconsciously again before you noticed he was looking at you.

"What?" you smiled, your face heating up.

"You're so gorgeous." he said, pulling you towards his body.

You had barely managed to shower with both of your wandering hands as you kept touching each other and kissing, after years of being touch starved it felt right to be skin against skin.

Hyunjin brought you a clean pair of his boxers and the shirt with the sleeping doggy.

"Here." he smirked and you chuckled, smacking his ass with the shirt as he laughed, trying to dodge and run into the kitchen. You got dressed and followed him, feeling so relaxed and cozy.

"I'm ready for a snack actually." you said and he agreed, taking out the sweet crème brûlée. "I have chocolate milk." he said and you giggled.

"Sure, why not." you shrugged and the two of you sat down to eat.

"These are good." you commented. "Not as good as the real thing probably." you added and Hyunjin shook his head.

"Nowhere near." he spoke with his mouth full, his lips pouty and you giggled, putting your hand on his face and wiping the creme off his lips before licking it off of your thumb.

Hyunjin's face flushed as he looked at you, pinching your cheek quickly to tease you and you swatted your hand at him, letting out a noise of protest. He laughed, enjoying the simple and sweet moment you shared.

"Are you sleepy?" he asked after you got ready for bed.

"Yes and no." you shrugged.

"Me too. I kinda don't wanna go to sleep yet because morning will come faster and you'll have to leave." Hyunjin pouted.

"I don't want to leave yet." you shook your head.

Hyunjin suggested watching a movie, so the two of you got comfy in his bed, him wrapping all his limbs around you and pressing his cheek against your breast. It was sweet, having him so close and caressing his head, back and arm as he touched your waist and tummy. You had changed the sheets earlier, everything was fresh, the place was warmed up and the tv was playing some random movie that neither of you really paid attention to.

Hyunjin felt so blissfully happy in that moment and he wanted to have you impossibly closer, he wished he could crawl inside your heart and sleep in there. He did actually almost fall asleep in your arms as you comforted him with your touches. The voices on the tv seemed louder and his eyes snapped open.

"Y/n?" he called out, nuzzling into your chest.

"Yes?" you whispered.

"I'm glad you're here." he kissed your collarbone before looking up at you sweetly.

"Me too." you smiled.

Hyunjin got cozy again and you looked back at the tv but he was suddenly awake so he started talking. For some reason, you weren't too sleepy either so Hyunjin and you spent hours just talking about random things, your high school days, funny accidents while you danced, how he had managed to hide his identity as a painter... There was always something new to talk about, from the most useless debates to the most profound thoughts about life. You enjoyed talking to Hyunjin as much as you enjoyed kissing him and having him inside you.

It was almost 4am when your eyelids got heavy but Hyunjin sat up.

"I just remembered a song." he said.

"A song?" you asked and Hyunjin scrambled to get up before playing I Melt With You.

"Come on, dance with me!" he urged you on and you started laughing.

"Hyunjin, it's like 4am." you kept chuckling as he started dancing around.

"I know, just the right time to do this! Come on, get up baby!" he grabbed your hands, moving them up and down.

"Oh god." you couldn't stop laughing as Hyunjin pulled you out of the bed.

You danced like idiots, spinning and spinning without a care in the world and almost bumping into furniture as you squealed and laughed. The world spun around you and you toppled over together, with you on top of him.

Then the world seemed to stop as the song faded away and was replaced with a silence. Hyunjin reached up to put your hair behind your ear.

"Kiss me, chérie." he said and you giggled, pressing your lips into his.

"We should sleep now at least." you said when you parted.

"Okay, I guess we need to. Are you gonna stay for breakfast?" Hyunjin asked.

"I will." you smiled.

"Sweet." he chuckled.

The two of you got comfortable under the blankets as Hyunjin spooned you, pressing himself against your body and sneaking his hand into your shirt to hold your breast.

"Bonne nuit, mon cœur." he whispered against your hair as you drifted off into dreamland.

-

You haven't slept this well in so long that you woke up wondering what year it was. Feeling Hyunjin pressed up against you, being wrapped up in his warmth and his scent made you feel so cozy. You laid there for a moment, just waking up and enjoying the slow morning. You had an urge to look at Hyunjin so you turned around in his arms carefully, your eyes landing on his sleeping face.

He looked so peaceful and cute, his pouty lips parted as he nuzzled closer to you. Your heart swelled at the sight of him and you started caressing his head. Hyunjin's eyes fluttered open after some time and as soon as he saw you, he smiled, closing his eyes again in delight.

"Good morning, angel." he muttered and you chuckled quietly.

"Good morning." you said.

"Slept well?" he asked, pushing his face into your neck, his breath tickling you.

"Yes, you?" you held him tighter.

"So good." Hyunjin pressed his lips to your neck, giving you small kisses, his lips brushing against the sore spot where he had sucked a mark last night.

Your lips pressed against his forehead and you felt him smile against your skin. You enjoyed the quiet moment, almost falling back asleep until Hyunjin's stomach growled. You leaned back to look at him and his eyes widened before he laughed cutely, his cheeks red.

"I think someone's hungry." you poked his stomach and he swatted at your hand and then grabbed your wrist pulling you on top of him as he laid on his back.

"Hungry for you, ma chérie." he grabbed your face and kissed you as you giggled into his mouth.

"Cheesy." you commented and he rolled his eyes playfully, kissing you again.

Eventually you did get out of bed and made some toast and a cup of coffee.

"It snowed all night." you noticed as you stood up and looked out the window, holding your cup. Hyunjin came up behind you immediately wrapping his arms around your middle as he leaned his chin on your shoulder.

"Yeah, it's probably really cold outside. So you can just stay here." he said, inhaling your scent and closing his eyes.

"I wish I could but I have rehearsals all afternoon." you sighed, caressing his hand.

"Mm let's cancel everything and just be together." Hyunjin kissed you neck with a smile.

"That's not how life works." you chuckled, putting your cup down and wiggling to turn around so you can look at him.

"Blah." Hyunjin faked disgust as you laughed at his scrunched up face. You grabbed his cheeks and kissed him.

"We can see each other again soon." you said.

"How soon?" he asked and you chuckled.

"Soon." you said as he huffed.

You changed into your clothes and Hyunjin barely let you leave out the door, hugging you and kissing you until you were out on the street. You had also finally exchanged numbers, something you had forgotten to do earlier and promised each other that you'll call.

Hyunjin waited until the cab you called drove you away and when he came back up to his apartment, he couldn't wipe the smile from his face. The entire place was full of you, your laughter, your voice, your touches. The bed was unmade and it smelled like you. Hyunjin wanted to drown in it. He couldn't wait to see you again.

It was here. The day you had dreaded and avoided to think about. You felt the impending doom as it approached but you tried to ignore the gnawing feeling inside your guts making it's way up slowly and wrapping around your heart.

You had locked yourself in your apartment for the last three days, calling the dance studio and telling them you're sick. The curtains were pulled over your windows completely, drowning you in darkness. You had no will to get up or answer to any of the calls and texts you've been getting. You saw that they were mostly from Hyunjin but you couldn't face him right now, if you did you'd fall apart completely.

It had been exactly four years since your life stopped, four years since you quit believing, since you lost all hope. Hyunjin had been the only person to awaken something inside you since then but in your darkest moments, you thought he's better off without you. The baggage you were dragging around was like shackles around your ankles, making it hard to climb out of the pit you had long made home in. The tears wouldn't stop coming as you thought about your past and the pain you felt that still teared you apart, albeit less than before but you were convinced it would never go away entirely.

You thought about Hyunjin and how sweet he is, how loving he seems to be, how much he apparently likes you. It scared you more than anything, the thought of what could be something beautiful, only to be lost one day, taken away from you like it already was once before.

You sank deeper into the darkness.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin was scared too. You haven't been answering his messages or returning his calls for a few days now. He kept replaying that night you spent at his place, trying to find a hint that would let him know why you were avoiding him. But, he couldn't find a reason other than maybe you just didn't want to see him again, maybe when you got home you realized you only wanted it to be a one time thing. Maybe you didn't want him like he wanted you. But still, some kind of gut feeling was telling him something else was wrong.

Hyunjin mentally prepared himself for your rejection as he got dressed, deciding to go look for you at your place.

You were lying on your couch, absentmindedly staring through the tv, not even looking at what was happening on the screen when you heard your bell ringing. You groaned quietly, burying your nose further into your blankets. The ringing persisted, followed by a series of knocks.

"Go away." you muttered quietly.

"Y/n, it's me. Please open the door." you heard a muffled voice, recognizing it instantly. Your eyes went wide for a moment as you contemplated.

You didn't want Hyunjin to see you at your worst but something pulled at your heartstrings as you heard the desperation in his voice. Your legs led you to the door. You needed him, you really needed him.

The door opened just as Hyunjin was about to knock again, his hand lifted up mid-air. He gasped when he saw you looking pale and tired. You looked at him wordlessly as you gently grabbed his wrist and pulled him in, pushing the door closed at the same time.

"Hyunjin." you fell into his arms, your face buried in his chest instantly as you wrapped your arms around his waist.

"Shh." Hyunjin soothed you as you gripped at him, your hands grabbing at his winter coat. You stood like that, just melting into each other for a few moments as Hyunjin looked around, seeing your curtains pulled all the way together, your apartment a mess.

"Mon cœur, what's wrong?" he asked as he leaned back, taking your face in his arms and making you look at him.

You shook your head as tears gathered in your eyes. Hyunjin took his coat off quickly and led you to your couch so the two of you could sit down. As soon as you got there, Hyunjin's eyes fell on the coffee table. He tilted his head as he picked up the framed picture, examining it. His eyes widened when he noticed it was you with another man, the picture obviously being a wedding photo, you in a white dress and the man in a suit as the two of you smiled at each other while holding hands.

"You're married?" Hyunjin's brows furrowed.

"I was. My husband... he passed away four years ago." you swallowed as Hyunjin looked up at you, sadness in his eyes.

"Y/n. I'm so sorry, I had no idea." Hyunjin grabbed your hand quickly, wanting to soothe you. That's why you always rubbed your ring finger subconsciously, he thought, you were probably self-soothing, a habit you had playing with your ring when you used to wear it.

"It happened so suddenly. Everything was so quick, we had no time to react. We had been drinking that night with friends. Of course we had a stupid argument on the way home and the last things I said to him were hateful. He yelled, I yelled back. He lost control of the wheel and we swerved, it happened in a matter of seconds, so fast that I didn't even realize what was going on. Not until the car stopped spinning and I laid there and just saw him all... bloody and lifeless. I'll never forget that, he took his last breath and he was gone, ripped away from me just like that. I always blamed myself, why didn't I suggest taking a cab? Why did I pick a fight over him not washing some dirty dishes, something so insignificant in hindsight. Why didn't I die with him?" you sobbed as you told Hyunjin everything, finally letting it out after holding your thoughts back for years.

"Y/n, I can't even imagine the pain you went through and I'm so sorry but you have to know that it was an accident, it is not your fault. Sadly, these things happen and we have no control over them." Hyunjin held your hands in his, caressing your skin with his thumbs.

"I know and that scares me. What if it happens again?" you swallowed, looking at him.

"What if it doesn't? We can't live in fear like that, we'd never get out of the house and do anything. You have to take a leap of faith in life. Otherwise you'll just be stuck in the same rut over and over again. Take a chance. With me." he smiled a little, wiping your tears away gently.

"I come with so much baggage, Hyunjin. I have loved so much once that a piece of my heart will always be his."

"I'm okay with that." Hyunjin nodded. "I've loved and lost before too. Not that I can compare it to what you went through but a piece of my heart was taken away when my ex left me too. But we have a whole lot of heart left to feel again, don't we?"

"I guess we do." you sniffled. "What now?"

"Now, we open up the curtains and let the sun in."

Tears brimmed in your eyes again as you threw your arms around Hyunjin and hugged him tightly, a choked sob escaping your lips.

"It's okay, I'm here." he held the back of your head with his hand, his other hand moving in soothing circles on your upper back. Having him in your presence was like you had taken a happy pill, the fear, worry and sadness slowly traveling further and further away from your aching heart.

When you parted, Hyunjin stood up and pulled the curtains open slowly, making you whine a little.

"Come see." he beckoned you to come closer and you reluctantly stood up to join him, your eyes still adjusting to the brightness.

"What am I looking at?" you asked as he grabbed your hand, bringing it to his face and pressing a sweet kiss into your skin.

"The snow is almost melted." he whispered, his lips lingering on your skin. You chuckled and he smiled, pulling you into a hug.

Hyunjin was sweet and gentle with you, helping you clean up your apartment and cook a nice warm meal. He distracted you with all the funny stories he could remember just to lift up your spirits.

"You know what always helps me relax? A nice, warm bath." he smiled.

"Are you sure you're not just trying to get me naked?" you smirked, your mood better than before.

"Oh my sweet, I could get you naked any time I want." he winked and you laughed as your face heated up, your stomach fluttering.

"Mhm." you mumbled with an embarrassed smile.

"Tell me I'm wrong." he leaned in closer to your face, his hands on your thighs as he looked up at you after you tried to hide away from him.

"You're not." you said and he smirked playfully, giggling and pecking your lips.

Together, you prepared the bath and the mood in the bathroom as you lit up some scented candles and dimmed the lights.

"Fancy." Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows, making you laugh.

You checked the temperature of the water and Hyunjin stood behind you, pushing his hands under your shirt and caressing your back.

"Ah! Cold hands!" you jumped a little but still leaned into his touch.

"I'm trying to warm them up." he smirked, his hands running over your stomach to your breasts as he cupped them, massaging them lightly.

"Mhm, right." you shivered against him. "Let's get undressed."

"Don't need to tell me twice." Hyunjin kissed your jaw before he leaned back, getting rid of his clothes. You did the same as Hyunjin watched you, his eyes filling up with hunger. He got in first and then spread his legs to make room for you.

"Lean against me." he reached his hand out to you and you got in slowly, sitting between his legs and leaning your back on his chest.

"You know how you said my dancing inspired you to paint?" you said quietly and Hyunjin hummed, tracing patterns into your waist and stomach with his fingers.

"Your paintings gave me hope to keep going." you whispered as you leaned your head on Hyunjin's shoulder and looked up at him. The meaning of your confession made Hyunjin squeeze you tighter against him.

"Y/n..." he whispered as you sat up, finding it hard to look at his face all of a sudden. Hyunjin leaned in closer and brushed his lips on your shoulder as you kept talking.

"It was really hard to find an ounce of strength to even get up in the morning. I was wondering why should I even keep going, you know. Nothing made sense anymore, it's like that person is there and you're so used to it that you forget to appreciate the fact that you have them in your life. But once they're gone you realize just how much you had, and then suddenly your life is completely different than it was before. I couldn't even recognize myself anymore, anything that brought me happiness until then just became bleak." you stopped to take a breath and wipe your tears as Hyunjin held you and listened, his chin on your shoulder.

"I walked past your gallery many times but for some reason I never really paid much attention to it. And then one day I went for a walk just to escape how I was feeling inside the apartment. Something pulled me to go inside suddenly, I just had to see. I remember the name of the exhibition too, it was called 'On the wings of love' and all the paintings were just so uplifting and gave a feeling of pure love, something I had in my palms but it slipped through my fingers. It hurt to look at the paintings but it hurt in a good way because it gave me hope that it still exists and that someone out there has what I had." you explained. "And now after meeting you, I realized I saw you in the gallery that night but you never noticed me. You were standing there with someone, looking at the paintings as the two of you laughed. You passed by me before leaving out the door and I remember being slightly jealous of what you seemed to have."

Hyunjin's breath tickled your skin as he kissed your shoulder and neck gently.

"Doesn't it seem like fate?" he said. "Like we were meant to find each other. I think everything happens for a reason as shitty as that seems sometimes. You found hope inside the exhibition I painted for my ex, you saw me there with... him. Life is kind of ironic like that, it seems. I thought I had it all too but then he just left me like I was nothing." you grabbed Hyunjin's hands, caressing them.

"I met him in Paris. He was there for a modeling job and I happened to attend fashion week. I saw him on the runway and thought I was hallucinating an angel. But he was far from that. Of course everything was wonderful in the beginning but the more time that passed the more he started to neglect me. He always found some excuse, mostly it was his job. He worked all the time, long hours and trips. I asked to join him on his trips since I can literally paint from anywhere but he'd find some new excuse saying he wouldn't have free time to spend with me since he'd be working the entire trip. And then there'd be pictures of him out drinking and stuff, being handsy with other people. I don't know if he ever actually cheated on me and I don't want to know but it hurt so bad. I watched him fall out of love and it was my worst fear coming to life right in front of my eyes. I knew he was going to leave and yet when he actually did it, I felt like my world had crumbled into pieces."

You turned a little to look at Hyunjin, seeing his eyes filling up with tears and your heart hurt.

"How could someone fall out of love with you?" you whispered and Hyunjin stopped talking, his eyes widened slightly as he searched your face. You leaned in and kissed the tears that slid down his cheeks. His lips broke into a smile as his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned his forehead against yours.

"Kiss me." he said quietly and you grabbed his face, kissing him with everything you have. Hyunjin pulled you closer, the water sloshing around you as you grabbed at each other.

When you parted, you were breathless, your hands squeezing at his shoulders and his wrapped around your waist.

"I'm glad we talked about this." you said and he nodded.

"Me too." Hyunjin smiled as you played with his hair, leaning in to peck his lips a few times before leaving sweet kisses all over his face. Hyunjin started giggling at your attack of affection as your lips found his cheek, his nose, his eyelids.

"Let me wash your hair." you whispered against his lips.

"Okay." he whispered back, kissing the corner of your lips.

You turned completely so you were facing him, wrapping your legs around his waist as he pulled you closer. You grabbed your shampoo as his hair was already wet and Hyunjin looked at you with a soft smile on his face. With your hands tangled in his hair, you started massaging his head.

Hyunjin hummed, closing his eyes, his hands traveling up towards your chest. He opened his eyes and grabbed your breasts, squeezing them and you chuckled.

"Hyunjin." you warned him playfully.

"What? They're there." he teased with a smirk, his thumbs rubbing your nipples as he cupped your breasts. Your hands stuttered a little as arousal built within you. Hyunjin decided to stop distracting you and just relax while your gentle hands massaged his head. The intimate and quiet moment between you felt like a dream, like you had to pinch yourself to see if it was really happening.

Hyunjin couldn't stay still for too long as he started teasing you and playing with the bubbles, making you laugh at him as you rinsed his hair.

"Quit squirming, you'll get shampoo in your eyes." you chuckled.

"Sorry." Hyunjin pouted, staying still for another moment as you finished up.

"There. All done." you said, caressing his head.

"Thank you for that." Hyunjin said, gently kissing your lips.

"Of course." you whispered, the two of you exchanging kisses until you were almost breathless. You turned around in his arms as he offered to wash your back, wanting to soothe you more. He was definitely getting excited as were you and the gentle touch on your back as well as him kissing your neck and shoulder whenever he could kept making you more needy for him.

"Hyunjin." his name felt like a prayer as he pulled you flush against him and you felt him pressing against your backside.

"My darling." he breathed out, grabbing your legs and pulling them over his so you were spread open for him. A whimper escaped your lips as you leaned back on his shoulder, your neck exposed. He kissed the side of it, licking at the droplets of water before sinking his teeth into your flesh. You moaned while his hands kneaded your breasts and pinched your sensitive nipples.

"I need you." you moaned as he licked at the love bite he created on your skin.

"I got you, pretty." he whispered in your ear, hand sliding between your legs. Anticipation bubbled up inside you as Hyunjin gently touched your inner thighs. He squeezed your flesh a little before his hand cupped your pussy, making you whine. He shushed you, kissing your jaw and pressing at your clit, playing with it gently. His other hand was busy on your chest, pinching and pulling at your nipples. Your eyes were closed as you let go completely, leaving everything in Hyunjin's hands. His lips never left your neck as he slowly slid his fingertips between your folds.

Your breath hitched as soon as he pushed in, spreading you open with his pretty fingers.

"Ah!" you moaned, pulling your legs up more so you could grab at his thighs. Hyunjin pressed you closer to him as he slowly started moving his fingers inside you, his other hand now on your clit.

"Hyunjin." you moaned, your nails digging into him.

"Say my name, mon cœur. Let me hear you." he whispered against your ear as he kept kissing your neck, fingers moving faster and harder.

"Hyunjin!" you kept moaning his name like it was the only word you knew in that moment and he kept fucking into you faster, his other hand flicking your clit quickly, all of the commotion making the water slosh around and splash on your floor. You didn't give a damn in that moment, all you cared about was Hyunjin.

Sweet Hyunjin who did everything tonight to make you feel better, to lift you out of the slump you were in, to make you forget about the pain.

Your legs trembled, almost closing around his hand as you whimpered loudly and came, arching your chest while Hyunjin watched you trembling against him, thinking how fucking beautiful you looked in that moment, completely and utterly his.

"Oh." you gasped when he pulled his fingers out, still playing with your clit gently and Hyunjin chuckled at your cute habit of gasping like that.

"I think we should get out of this water now." you scrunched your face up and Hyunjin laughed, jostling your body a little.

"It's getting cold anyways." he agreed.

The two of you got in the shower and the water ran down your bodies as you held each other.

"What about you?" you whispered while Hyunjin caressed your back.

"Don't worry about me tonight." he said.

"But I want to make you feel good." you looked up at him and he smiled.

"You're already doing that." he kissed you passionately, his tongue dancing inside your mouth, exploring and tasting. The two of you kept kissing and touching the entire time as you showered. You didn't even notice how tired and exhausted you were from being sad for days but Hyunjin noticed and that's why he didn't want you to worry about him tonight. After finally getting dry and warm, Hyunjin ordered some food for the two of you, cuddling you while you waited.

"Hey, don't fall asleep just yet." he giggled as you were practically already sleeping on his chest.

"Sorry." you mumbled sleepily.

You ate in a daze and when you finally got comfortable in your bed, Hyunjin wrapped his body around you.

"Sleep, my sweet. I'll be here in the morning." he whispered sweetly, kissing your cheek.

Everything will be okay.

~ part 2

taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @starlost-mochi-x @saintcosette @ooshyana @frehyun @scarlet789 @skzdust @schniti-is-in-the-house @eastjonowhere @sona1800 @channiesrightasscheek @justwonder113 @yvettemint @inaribu00 @httpdwaekki @possum-playground @ria-april @yn-x-them @mariahxrrera @0omillo0 @halfwinterhalfuniverse @cooldeermagazine @delulkpopstan143 @todorokiskitten @compersian @azxulskz

[bluebirdsfeathers]

Her Intern

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Relationship: Ceo!Wanda X Butch!Loser!Reader

Summary: You get a look into what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Wanda’s temper, but she could never be mad at you.

Words: 1.3K

Warnings: age gap relationship (R is early 20s, W is like 40), mention of stocks, Yelling if that stresses you out.

A/N: Wanted this to be longer but I’m starting class again on Monday and I’ve had way more work to do than I thought. Hope you enjoy this. I’ve tagged everyone who asked, if you want to be tagged in the next chapter, let me know.

Inspiration

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

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──────･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

The silence in the room made every minuet feel like an eternity. No one dared to speak. You could feel your pulse rise as the clock hand inched closer to the number nine. This morning you had gotten ready on auto piolet, showered and once again put on your wrinkled shirt. You hadn’t bothered investing in any new clothing since you began working with Pietro. The lack of dress code made you feel like it wasn’t necessary, so this was still your most professional shirt. It was the same one you’d worn your first day here, now you worried this would be your last.

Sleep hadn’t come fast last night. You’d stayed up for hours running possible situations and outcomes, planning what you’d say for each one in excruciating detail. But by the time morning came all those preparations were gone from your mind. The only thing you could focus on was the memory of Wanda catching you in her office.

She looked so angry.

You blinked away the sting in your eyes and nose, not wanting to cry, not now at least. That could Wait till after the meeting, when you could lock yourself in the bathroom away from prying eyes.

The clock reached nine and the doors to the conference room flung open, Wanda entered leaving the door to slam shut behind her. Everyone in the room sat up straight and turned their attention to the red head, everyone but you. You couldn’t bring yourself to look, instead keeping your head down hoping the ground would swallow you whole.

“Good morning,” Wanda began as she retrieved some papers from her briefcase, “I know I’m taking you away from your work, but I wouldn’t have called this meeting if there wasn’t something important that needs to be discussed.” Her tone was polite, but anger was bubbling underneath. As she finished speaking her eyes scanned the room, eventually landing on you. Wanda faced twitched with annoyance at fact you weren’t looking at her. She cleared her thought before continuing. “Once I have everyone’s attention, I’ll tell you why you’re all here, or better why one of you isn’t.”

You took the hint and slowly raised your head, not expecting to find Wanda staring directly at you, stern eyes softening for a moment before hardening back over. Her words finally reached your brain, and you glanced quickly around table, the other interns seemingly doing the same.

Theo.

Theo wasn’t there. He hadn’t come in with Wanda, which was strange considering how he’d normally be following her around like a lost dog.

“I expect you to already know this, but Westview Paper is the most trusted news sources in the country,” Wanda paced at the front of the room, her voice and posture portraying nothing but power. “We take pride in being able to provide the American public with honest unbiased reporting. So what do you think might happen if an employee threatened that reputation?” She was now stood directly behind you; the room fell so silent you could hear your heart as it raced.

“They would be fired.” The silence was broken by an intern sat across from you. Despite his suit probably being worth more than you all make a month, fit him like a kid playing dress up in his days wardrobe, and he looked like he’d just been caught. Wanda let his words hang in the air for an uncomfortably long time.

“Yes, thank you Jake. They would be fired.” As Wanda moved back to the front of the room her fingers ghosted the nape of your neck, something so innocuous it could have easily been an accident. “Theo had gone behind my back, fed information about stories we were publishing to outsiders, and all to boost his stock portfolio.” Her voice dripped with distain. “He is no longer working here, in fact, he will no longer be working for any publisher this side of the Atlantic Ocean.” She gave her words time to breath, making sure we all understood the gravity of the situation. Your mind went back to yesterday, standing in her office when she came out angrily yelling down the phone, that’s what she was talking about.

“Now I called this meeting as a warning to all of you. You aren’t children anymore, this is the real world, your actions have consequences that go far beyond timeouts, or early bedtimes. So if any of you even think about trying anything that will tarnish the reputation of this organization, I want you to really consider what it means to throw your life away! A life that, I might add, for most in here was handed to them. Dismissed.” With every sentence her voice grew louder, the anger finally bubbling over as she slammed her fits onto the table.

There was a mad scramble for the door as everyone collected their things and piled out the room.

“Y/n, I want to have a word with you.” Wanda called out with a lingering trace of rage. The other interns turned to look at you as you awkwardly shuffled back from the door. Your anxiety was already high and now you truly felt like you were going to combust. It took a moment for the room to clear but once it had, and the door closed you jumped into speech.

“Ms Maximoff, I’m so sorry, Pietro said it was okay, not that it’s his fault, I should have never invaded your privacy like that.” The word vomit just kept coming. “I was just meant to drop off the magazine and leave, I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did. I’m so sorry, I understand if you want to fire me.” With those last words your lip wobbled, and you could do nothing to stop the tears.

Wanda, who up until now had been watching you ramble with slight bewilderment, moved to comfort you. “Y/n. I’m not going to fire you, don’t be silly,” she shushed, placing a hand on your shoulder and motioning for you to sit down, “quite the opposite actually.” You sat down trying your hardest to steady your breathing. “What do you mean?” You asked, wiping your nose with your sleeve before Wanda instinctively handed you a tissue from the box on the table.

“First, I wanted to ask if you were okay.” She leaned in placing a gentle hand on your knee. “Yesterday, in my office, you left so quickly. I was worried about you.”

“You were worried about me?”

“Yes, y/n! I was because…” Wanda stopped herself and leaned back in her chair. “Because you are my employee, and I think you have a promising future here at Westview.” You go to speak but Wanda continues, “Which is why secondly, I wanted to ask if you would be interested in taking over as my intern. I can give you some time to think about…”

“Yes!” You blurted out a little louder than expected, your cheeks flushed as you saw Wanda’s shocked expression. “I mean yes Ms… I would… I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. It’s just… are you sure you want me?” Before you could start to spiral again, you were brought back to reality by the sound of Wanda giggling.

“I’ve wanted you from the start.” She stood up and began walking to the conference room’s door. “For the position of course.” She added before leaving.

As you sat alone in the room you couldn’t help it as a smile crept across your face. You were going to be her intern! Then the reality of the situation hit you. You were going to be her intern.

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Tag list: @wandaslittlehorns @starfire1008 @mirage018 @viosblog112 @nebthetautora @ciaoooooo111 @cowboy-hunter

[sailorsoons]

Hi okay it took me a really long time to get to this reblog because I wanted to actually sit down and write a cohesive response to how insanely rewarding it was to read feedback that was this substantial and cohesive. I'm actually a bit at a loss for words because the time and effort it must have taken to actually sit and go through to break down the elements of this fic actually made me cry when I saw your review the first time.

There are so so many things I loved about writing this fic and you hit the points of SO MANY of them if not all of them. The Syndicate positions are mostly a mix of the major arcana and chess - so I love that you caught that. Some of the roles aren't from either, but for the most part that is where I drew the most inspiration on for a ton of them!!!

Cyberpunk is one of my favorite genres to write because there is SO MUCH you can invent and do with it - I am so glad that it pays off here and that the finer details of this little world I've carved out hit the nail on the head!

You actually pointed out something really specific that I adore - specifically The Tower and Baby/Seungcheol's dad. Because he's not likable for a lot of reasons but there are qualities about him that are like... not inherently awful at the same time. He is super devoted to his wife and kids, he's very much a leader of the family and wants to protect them, and he wants what's best but at the same time.... everyone outside his immediately family is expendable and he knew he'd be extinguishing his daughter's flame for the sake of partnership. So it's like .... fuck you but also.... I can see the logic there.

Anyway I have so many things I could say and I don't think I could ever thank you enough - this review and in-depthness of your thoughts literally could sustain me for the rest of my life. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me!!

Baby (k.sy)

Pairing: Soongyoung x f. reader

Summary: Soonyoung had been in your life for as long as you can remember. You haven’t spoken since your wedding to someone who isn’t him, but when you uncover your husband’s plans to turn against your family, you don’t know who else to call.  

Word Count: 29,988

Genre: Mafiaverse, Cyberpunk, Childhood Friends/Exes to Lovers

Type: Smut, Heavy Angst

Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging in and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.

Warnings: Full warnings available under the cut.

A/N: This fic was posted on my original blog which has been deleted. I am now reposting it. I hope it does half as well as it did when I originally posted this story - thank you to everyone who left amazing feedback the first time. It genuinely made me so happy and I am so sorry that it got sent to the moon where I can no longer read it.

A/N 2:  Thank you @daechwitatamic and @eoieopda for beta-reading this fic.

Main Masterlist | The Syndicates Collection | Tag List Request Form | Ask | Playlist

Warnings: Graphic violence generally associated with mafia behavior, mentions of murder and blood, morally grey characters, themes of codependency (a little bit), a bit of a toxic relationship with Soonyoung and reader at times (they like to make each other jealous), bar fights, women being very petty, recreational drinking and drug use, heavy angst, depictions of death (funerals for parents), fight scene that ends in death in a domestic situation, difficult relationships with parents, reader and her husband have a terrible relationship and hate each other, depictions of blood and stabbing in one scene (it is the most graphic scene in the whole fic but kept short), reader agonizes over decisions she's made and struggles mentally with a lot of it, depiction of a full blown anxiety attack, sexually explicit content including fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, crying during sex, a lot of making out and biting, multiple orgasms... sorry this is so long, I want to over-warn for everything happening here so if I have missed something you think needs to be warned, please tell me!

Kwon Soonyoung is crying the first time you meet him. It’s a loud, warbling cry that you’re not used to, and you flinch at the pitch as you hide behind your mother. Soonyoung and his mother are standing in the grand foyer of your home, his fists twisted in her tweed skirt as he begs her not to leave him. 

His mother sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose. You’ve seen her around before on the arm of her husband at your family dinner parties and for afternoon tea with your mom. This is the first time you’ve seen Soonyoung, though, and you’re unimpressed as his shrieking only gets louder when she crouches down to look him in the eye fondly, brushing the tears from his face. 

You don’t know a lot of other kids, but the noisiness of him startles you. Unsettles you. Sensing your unease, your mother reaches to pull you from behind her, giving you a single look that you know means please behave. You straighten immediately, turning to watch the sniffling boy as he calms down. 

Soonyoung is round-cheeked, his dark eyes swollen and face reddened from working himself up. His mother murmurs something to him and he nods, wiping the snot from his face with the back of his hand.

Seungcheol must notice the crying has stopped. He appears from the kitchen, giving Soonyoung an unimpressed once over as he strides toward you and your mother. She clucks her tongue at the cheek of her eleven year old, giving him a hard look. 

“Seungcheol, don’t be rude,” she admonishes. “Greet our guests properly.” 

Your older brother glances at you and you lift a shoulder. He’s going to lead the family one day, it’s important for him to show manners. You know this even at a young age - have always known what his place is among your family, what your place is. 

Cheol is in line to become the Tower of the Choi Syndicate, an empire that you cannot fathom at your age but you know is important. You are its insurance, a second heir if something happens to the first and a bargaining chip for future partnerships. A potential logician, if you’re good enough. 

Turning to Soonyoung and his mother, Seungcheol bows politely. “It’s nice to meet you, Soonyoung. Are you here to play video games?” 

Soonyoung perks up at that, looking at his mom, eyes going round. She grins and nods her head, pulling her hands from where they rest on his shoulders. “He is,” she agrees. “We thought it might be good for you to become friends.” Her gaze drifts to you. “All three of you.” 

That makes you frown. You don’t really like playing video games. Seungcheol never lets you win and forces you to play for hours in exchange for him letting you borrow his AetherLink at night to scroll the internet. You’re not allowed to have one yet, even though you’re only four years younger and all of your other friends have them to enter virtual chat rooms and play online games.  

“Do I have to?” you ask your mom, looking up at her. 

“Yes,” she says firmly, gently nudging you by the shoulder toward where your brother is not so patiently waiting to escort you to the gaming room. “Go.” 

“Why don’t you want to play?” Soonyoung asks, pouting a little.

“I’m not any good.”

“That’s okay. I’ll let you beat me.” 

Seungcheol moans. “Ugh, don’t let her win. Come on. I got the new Grid Fighters game on the Reality Rift console!” 

“No way!” 

Seungcheol grins and shoots off toward the gaming room, Soonyoung hot on his heels. You hesitate for a moment, staring after them with indignation. Soonyoung stops at the doorway, turning to you. His face is still ruddy from crying, but he’s suddenly smiling, cheeks round and smooth.

“Come on,” he whispers. “I’ll let you win, I promise.” 

“Holy fuck, can you let me win for once?” Soonyoung groans, rolling over on the mat. He’s dripping in sweat, wiping it away from his brow as he stands with effort. 

Grinning, you skip away from him, reaching for your water bottle. Music pounds through the speakers of the training room. Overhead, the blue neon casts an eerie glow over the two of you. Seungcheol ignores you both in favor of using the weight machines in the far corner of the room. 

On the far wall, your health and fitness data is displayed, each one of your bodies outlined and flashing as new data comes in. Right now, you’re in the red zone, heart pounding hard from your bout with Soonyoung, who is in the orange zone. 

Which confirms your suspicion that he’s not trying as hard as he could be. 

“Maybe if you weren’t afraid to actually hit me,” you offer. The water helps cool you down as you eye Soonyoung. Even at fourteen, he’s started to fill out his form more, arms corded as he hones himself into a weapon. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

Seungcheol scoffs from across the room. Maybe he wasn’t totally ignoring the two of you. He drops his cool-older-kid act to turn and grumble, “He’d put you on your ass, Baby. Lucky for you, he always lets you win.” 

The nickname makes you bristle. You hate when people point out that you’re the baby of the family, like you’re something less than or incapable of keeping pace. You especially hate it when Seungcheol uses it to put you in your place, reminding you that one day your shithead older brother is going to be leading the family business. 

The family business is the reason you spar with them at all. Occasionally Vernon joins, though those days are as unpredictable as his appearances. Usually when he’s over at your house, it’s never a good thing. His arrivals are always bracketed with the sound of his father’s manic yelling and his mother’s frantic begging, followed closely by slammed doors and your father’s calming voice. 

Today it’s just the three of you, though. Soonyoung comes over and sits on the mat by your feet, holding a hand up to you. You pass him your water bottle, rolling your eyes at him even though it doesn’t really bother you. 

Nothing Soonyoung does really bothers you. Since that first day he showed up at your house sobbing because his mother was leaving him for the day, he’s grown on you. More than grown on you, in fact. You’re pretty sure he hasn’t noticed your lingering gazes and the way he flusters you when he gets too close, and you hope to keep it that way. 

“I don’t want to hit you,” Soonyoung offers gently, voice low over the metal clang of Seuncheol’s weights. “And it’s not ‘cause I don’t think you can’t take it,” he adds with a grin, bumping his shoulder against your leg. “I just don’t like the idea of you getting hurt.” 

“Everyone treats me like a baby.” 

“You are. But it’s not a bad thing. For example, you say jump and everyone says how high. Even my dad.” 

That makes you smirk a little. You look at the floor, letting his words wash over you. They do ring true - there’s no one in the Syndicate who would deny you anything, and though you’re utterly terrified of Soonyoung’s dad, he would do anything for you. In a way, it was the Kwon family’s divine purpose to be by the side of the Chois. 

“What about you?” you ask. 

“What about me?” 

“Jump.”

Soonyoung grins and sets the water bottle down, getting up to his feet at your command. “How high, Baby?” 

Soonyoung doesn’t shed a tear on the day of his parents’ funeral. He’s a far cry from the little boy who showed up at your house to play video games and become friends. 

Instead, he sits in silence, eyes raging - always raging, now. You don’t think the fury stops, his gaze burning the entire ceremony. His grip on your hand is like iron, and after a while, your arm tingles with pins and needles. You say nothing, willing to endure. Eventually, your arm goes numb entirely, and he keeps holding your hand. 

Afterward, Soonyoung says nothing. You do the talking for him, accepting the hand shakes and bows on his behalf when he doesn’t reach out to accept them, thanking those who have come to offer him condolences and respect when he doesn’t speak.

His grip on you is steadfast. Iron and fire. Even when your father drops his gaze down with a look of disapproval, Soonyoung doesn’t let go and you don’t ask him to. If there’s any day that you can break decorum and tradition, it’s certainly now in the wake of Soonyoung’s loss. 

They don’t need to know you’d let him hold you anyway.  

The boy who existed before the murder of his parents is dead. You knew it before the funeral. But when the last guest finally leaves the Choi Estate and Soonyoung doesn’t shed a tear, you realize it isn’t just his parents that you’ve buried. 

The sweet, gentle boy who had cried those tears for fear of his mother leaving him has died too. And you don’t think you’ll ever see him again. 

-

“You want me to do what?” Soonyoung asks, pulling you into his room and looking out the cracked door to make sure no one else is around. “Where is your brother?” 

“I have no idea.” 

“You can’t just- ” Soonyoung fumbles for words as he shuts the door and takes a few steps past you into his room proper. It’s dark, safe for the glow of his AetherLink glowing with a paused video game. “Did he see you follow me up here?” 

“Why are you being weird? I’m in here all the time. You live here.” 

“I’m being weird? You just asked me to kiss you. Neither your brother nor your dad want you in my room in the middle of the night.” 

You frown. “Since when? Look, I’m sixteen and I’ve never been kissed, and Lin just lost her virginity to Jeonghan. What happened to when I say jump you say how high?”

“Oh don’t start with me. Who cares if Lin is giving it up to Jeonghan. She blew Wonwoo like two weeks ago. It’s not a competition.” 

You cross your arms over your chest, caving in on yourself a little. Maybe it was a stupid idea to ask Soonyoung after all. But you can’t get over the way all of the other girls were clinging to Lin’s every word as she spilled the details of sleeping with Jeonghan. Everyone else in your friends group had at least made out with boys - you had nothing. 

Being the daughter of the leader of the Choi Syndicate has its benefits. Being accessible to do things like kissing boys and going out with your friends to new cool clubs like Echo Space and Hyper Vibe were not one of them. Getting any of the boys your age to even look you in the eye was impossible, the fear of catching the wrath of Seungcheol and your father looming over them like the Sword of Damocles. 

Soonyoung is Soonyoung, though. Your father has brought him into the fold like one of his own, keeping his oath to Soonyoung’s parents to always watch over him and protect him. You’re old enough now to understand that the bonds between higher members of the Syndicate are bonds of faith and blood, of family and something more. 

If anyone shouldn’t be afraid to kiss you, it’s Soonyoung. He lives down the hall from you, and he’s best friends with your brother. It wouldn’t be that weird. At least, that’s what you told yourself as you lay awake in your bed at night while you stared at the ceiling, fingers trailing your lips. 

Now, you’re not so sure. The way Soonyoung recoils makes you realize you hadn’t thought of the single most important thing before marching in here and asking him to be your first kiss: maybe Soonyoung didn’t want to kiss you. 

It hadn’t even crossed your mind - one of the many downsides to getting mostly everything you wanted. You’re so infrequently told no that in the light of rejection, you don’t know what to do, recoiling like you’ve been mortally wounded. 

Nodding your head, you turn away from Soonyoung, throat tightening as the new wave of emotions threatens to spill over. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” 

“Baby,” he sighs. You ignore him, bolting for the door. Soonyoung is fast, though. He snatches your arm and drags you back toward him, though you turn your face away from him to hide the evidence of oncoming tears. “Don’t be like that.” 

“I’m not being like anything. It was a stupid favor to ask.” 

“Would you look at me?”

“No.”

He sighs heavily. “Why are you being so difficult?”

Trying to wrench your arm from his hold is useless. He’s not hurting you, but the grip on your bicep is firm. “Well if I’m so difficult then let me go.”

“Baby.” The frustration in his voice is evident. You ignore the way your nickname rolls off his tongue, the way he’s the only person you don’t absolutely hate the name from. 

“Just let me go!” 

“No. Why do you want me to kiss you?”

The question is like nails against chalkboard now, your embarrassment peaking. “Forget I even asked, just let me go!” 

“Fuck - are you crying?”

“No.”

“Baby, look at me.”

Too afraid that the wavering in your voice will give you away, you shake your head, refusing to turn and face him. With a growl, he gives a sharp tug on your arm, spinning you toward him. You let out a noise of protest, ready to lash out at him again when you feel his mouth on yours. 

Startled, you don’t do anything at first. Soonyoung’s grip is still on your bicep, firm and steadfast. Your eyes blink for a second before they flutter closed, unsure exactly what to do beyond lean into him a little, pressing your lips firmer to his. 

It’s somehow exactly what you expected and totally unexpected at the same time. Soonyoung’s mouth is softer than you were ready for, slotted gently against yours. He’s warm and smells like vanilla and sandalwood, a scent you’ve grown familiar with. Your thoughts peter out, enjoying the way he holds you to him, your heart pounding wildly in your chest. 

When Soonyoung pulls away, you look up at him through half-lidded eyes, your breath shaky. He doesn’t pull back very far, looking down at you with a dark gaze. This close, you can see the real Soonyoung. His expression is soft, eyes sparkling in the blue light of his room. He looks so young suddenly, all of the rage and wrath that lurks under the surface of the calm mask he wears gone for just a moment. 

“You have pretty eyes,” you whisper. His mouth twitches at the corner, an almost smile. “I’ve always thought you had beautiful eyes.” 

He opens and closes his mouth again, trying to find words. You wait him out, heart thudding. He’s still holding you close to him, fingers digging desperately into your arm. 

Footsteps thundering up the stairs wake him from his daze, Seungcheol calling your name. Soonyoung drops his hand and steps away from you, a cool mask of calm sliding into place, the vulnerability gone in an instant. “There’s your kiss,” he murmurs. “Is there anything else you need from me or do I need to jump too?” 

Synth pulses through you, vibrating your very bones as you lounge on the velvet couch in a private section of the club. The lights above you are hazy, but you can make out the shapes of holographic dancers, their graphics so high definition that you can see the sweat beading down their bare backs. 

From the VIP section, you have the perfect view of the DJ platform. Screens flash behind it, holographic wonders of creatures and places and visuals flashing brightly. Writhing bodies twist on the dancefloor around the DJ like a pit of snakes. Among them, you know your father’s Taps slither among the crowd, pushing drugs and psychedelics into the hands of those who can afford it. 

A trained eye can spot a Tap well enough. Though they blend in with the nylon and leather of the partiers, they tend to be sharp eyed and lucid, chewing on stim pops or some other substance to keep them awake and alert. 

It’s not the drug dealers in the crowd who keep drawing your attention, though. You shouldn’t be able to spot Soonyoung in the mass of bodies so easily, but you do. His hair is bleached, reflecting the flashing lights around him as he presses in close to the girl attached to him, hips swaying.

Your mouth sours. Leaning forward you snatch one of the bottles from the ice bucket and pour a shot into a crystal glass. Angel raises her brows as you slide the glass over to her and pour another for yourself. She’s not much of a drinker, but she takes the glass wordlessly, sensing your need to have a partner in crime.

Knocking it back, you hiss as the liquor burns all the way back. Even the high grade alcohol is like fire, washing away your irritation for a dizzy moment, veins buzzing. Leaning back, your eyes scan the crowd and settle on Soonyoung again. This time, he’s leading his partner through the crowd and toward the stairs. The stairs that lead to you. 

Seungcheol and Wonwoo crashing onto the seat next to you breaks your concentration. Seungcheol’s pupils are wide as saucers, eyes trailing upward to dance at the visual of a woman with pink skin sliding out of her top. 

Next to him, Wonwoo pulls a small bag with glittering dust from his pocket, shaking it to settle all of the contents at the bottom before unsealing the top. The way the powder glows against the lights tells you its high quality frostbyte, a powerful stimulant named for the biting feeling when inhaled. 

Instead of yelling over the music, you gesture toward the bag, catching Wonwoo’s attention. He gives you a surprised look followed by a wolfish grin. Wonwoo loves when you partake in partying harder, a side everyone so rarely sees from you. 

Sliding a knife from his pocket, you watch with rapt attention as Wonwoo dips it into the baggie, scooping delicately. You’d rather he cut lines on the table, but you’ll take what you can get, watching as he expertly fishes out a decent sized amount for you to take. 

You’re mutely aware that a group of bodies enters your section. Vernon throws himself down next to Angel, jostling you both as you lean over Seungcheol’s half-asleep form toward where Wonwoo extends the knife toward you carefully. You ignore the weight of Soonyoung’s eyes on you as he, Mingyu and a group of girls sit down and reach to fill their glasses with liquor. 

Wonwoo’s hands are steady as he holds the tip of his blade out to you, a hand held underneath to catch any powder that slips off the blade. Careful not to lose your balance and stab yourself, you level your face with the knife, inhaling sharply. 

Immediately the drug bites the back of your throat, eyes watering as you tilt your head upwards and blink for a second, letting it settle. Sniffing harshly a few times, you clear your nasal passage and blow out a breath, feeling the softest beginning of a tingle as you look at Wonwoo, who is still holding his hands out to you. 

“Thanks,” you nod. He grins and pulls back, rubbing the excess powder along his gums as you fall heavily against the back of the booth. 

Turning to look at your brother, you elbow him. “Are you alive?”

“Mhmm,” he grunts, eyes closed and arms crossed over his chest. Lights dance across his face, all pinks and blues and purples as he breathes in heavily. “I am fucked right now. Can you get me a stim pop from Hoshi? If I do anymore frostbyte I’m gonna get a nosebleed. Again.” 

Actually, asking Soonyoung for anything is the last thing you want to do. However, your brother does look like he needs to wake up, the mess of drugs and alcohol in his system working overtime to put him on his ass. Stim pops are a quick fix, a careful mix of sweet candy and methylphenidate to wake up the nervous system. Soongyoung always has them on his person, especially for when he works late night shifts. 

Turning in the booth, you’re smacked with a wave of color. For a moment, you drink it in, tilting your head upward as the figures dancing above explode into a world of lavender butterflies. They’re utterly captivating, your eyes watching them twist and dance in the air as they flutter. 

A laugh bubbles from your lips, entirely childlike. Grinning, you watch them for a few moments more before they disintegrate into stars, entire solar systems hovering and floating through the space above your head.

Seungcheol elbowing you breaks you from your concentration. Right. Stim pop. From Soonyoung. Glancing at the man in question makes your stomach plummet. Soonyoung’s head is resting against the back of the booth, the girl next to him draped over him with her mouth pressed hot to his throat, her teeth overly white in the blacklight of the club. 

A surge of rage shivers through you, your nails scratching across the green velvet, leaving marks in their wake. Leaning forward, you reach out a hand and smack Vernon’s knee to get his attention. He turns his lazy gaze on you, brows raised. When you point at Soonyoung, he nods and yells over his shoulder to get your target’s attention.

Soonyoung’s eyes flutter open and flick to where you’re sitting. He drinks in your expression before muttering something to the woman mouthing at his neck and peels her off, standing up and shuffling over to you. Angel makes room for him, all but sliding into Vernon’s lap as Soonyoung crashes down on the couch next to you. 

“Hi, Baby. What’s up?” 

“Cheol needs a stim pop,” you answer curtly, leaning away from him. He smells like vanilla and sandalwood laced with alcohol. Soonyoung is so close you can feel his body heat, his breath fanning across your bare shoulder as he moves to look at Seungcheol half asleep on your other side. “Then you can go back to your little public sex session.” 

Soonyoung makes an angry cat noise, narrowing his eyes at you as he smirks. He leans toward you further to reach into his pocket, shoulder pressed against you. His scent fills your nose, heady and familiar. You’re dizzy with it, the touch of his warmth against your skin making you flush.

Suddenly, his nearness is overwhelming. Every hair on the back of your neck stands on end, your skin hypersensitive to the way he leans against you. The glow of the lights is sharper than you remember, and you swear you feel the blood rushing through your body.

A response that could be either because of the drugs you inhaled a moment ago or because Soonyoung is pressed against you and you have the sudden urge to lean into him, to feel his warmth, to press your lips against his and feel their softness. 

In an attempt to save yourself from the trap, you shove back at him. He huffs, glaring at you as he fishes a stim pop out of his pocket and hands it over to you. You’re careful to avoid his touch when you snatch it from his nimble fingers, turning your back on him in the booth to look at Seungcheol.

“Why are you being a brat?” His voice is loud over the music, shouted into your ear as he tilts back into your space again. You can feel the warmth of him on your back. 

“Go away.”

“Baby, please don’t start with me.”

“I’m not starting fuck with you.” 

Seungcheol cracks an eye open to observe your argument with a look of interest. Seungcheol’s pupils are dilated like moons, totally empty of any coherent thought. You peel the wrapper off the stim pop, careful to hold it by the cardboard stick as you pop it into your brother’s mouth. 

For a few moments, your brother lolls the candy around his mouth, sucking greedily. Then, he blinks his eyes open, pupils narrowing as he drinks in the lights and the clubs. He sighs in relief, patting your thigh gratefully as the stimulant chases away whatever else is washing him out.

When you turn around, Soonyoung is still lingering, his dark eyes fierce and focused only on you. He looks good tonight. He looks good every night. He has become your picture perfect torture since that night you asked him to be your first kiss, kickstarting something you were incapable of foreseeing. 

The bleached hair is new and you hate how much you like it. The silvery strands look just as soft as his natural black, and it’s a nice contrast to his dark eyes and sharp cheekbones. Those stormy eyes are staring at you now, something playful that you don’t like glittering under the surface. 

He pouts at you. “Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you. Go away!”

“You definitely are. What did I do, hmm? Tell me.” 

“Please fuck off.” 

He rolls his eyes, peeling himself off the couch and muttering something under his breath. You’re sure he has nothing nice to say, so you sink further into the couch, crossing your hands over your chest as you sulk. 

Sticky air clings to your skin. You can feel your heart racing in your chest, the music vibrating your ribcage. Your anger is like a monster given life, fueled by the frostbyte and the feverish anger taking root in your stomach as Soonyoung settles back in his spot, pressing his mouth sloppily to the woman next to him. 

And that’s the problem, really. It’s not you that is pressing your mouth to his jaw while he leans against the back of the seat. It isn’t you running manicured nails down the front of his shirts, pulling at buttons despite the audience. 

It isn’t you and it should be. You want it to be.

It’s been two years since Soonyoung kissed you for the first time in his room. You’ve had more experience with other people since then, but it dulls in comparison to his simple kiss. You hate it. What you hate even more is how childish it makes you feel, embarrassment heating your cheeks and throat when he catches your gaze across the booth and you divert your attention. 

For the second time, Soonyoung peels the girl off of him, making like he’s going to get up and come sit next to you again. This time, his companion keeps him rooted to the spot, her nails digging into his forearm as she hisses something at him. He groans, head tilted back like he’s once again the most inconvenienced man in the room. 

Wanting nothing more than to blot him out, you call Wonwoo’s name again, leaning forward heavily for more frostbyte. Soonyoung whistles and snaps his finger in your direction as though to tell you no. You bristle, your anger turning to an inferno, burning up inside of you. 

Vernon and Angel both cringe, leaning out of your line of fire as you swivel to angle yourself toward Soonyoung, hands shaking. “Don’t fucking whistle and snap at me! I’m not a dog.”

“Baby, you don’t need more. Your pupils are the size of Mingyu’s big ass head.”

Mingyu, though right next to Soonyoung, doesn’t hear the insult, his tongue being sucked down the throat of the girl sitting in his lap, hips grinding on him. Another girl is pressed to his side, teeth nipping at his jaw. At least someone is having fun, you think, the three of them totally aware of the crackling tension in their booth. 

The girl attached to Soonyoung’s neck a moment ago bristles when she hears your nickname. “Baby?” she asks, face scrunching. “Are you serious?”

“Chill out, Victra. It’s her nickname.”

“Yeah,” you agree, shooting her a venomous look, despite her doing nothing to earn your ire. “Chill, Victra.”

Once again, you turn your back on Soonyoung, standing and scooting Seungcheol over to swap places with him. He does so with a keen eye, watching the scene unfold as he sucks his lollipop happily, content to watch the drama. 

Wonwoo dips his knife into the bag as you settle in next to him, bouncing with excitement. “I love when you do drugs, you’re so much fun.” 

“I don’t feel very fun right now.”

“Drugs will fix it!” 

“Wonwoo, don’t you dare give her that,” Soonyoung warns. He pries Victra’s hands off of him, leaning forward as though to reach across the table. 

“Ignore him,” you insist. 

Wonwoo hesitates, stuck between a rock and a hard place. The last thing he wants to do is tell you no. No one but your father and older brother get to tell you no. Wonwoo knows this better than most people. But he also doesn’t want to cross Soonyoung, a venture nearly as dangerous as pissing off Seungcheol. 

Soonyoung hisses at the girl next to him,  “Stop clawing at me! Baby, please stop being stubborn for one moment. Just one. ”

“Why the fuck did you even bring me up here?” Victra interrupts, ignoring Soonyoung’s plea. “You’ve done nothing but fawn over her since we got here. This isn’t fun.” 

Soonyoung ignores her. “If you’re mad at me, be mad at me. Stop blowing shit up your nose to prove a point and be a bitch, though.”

“I’m not proving fuck, Soonyoung. And Victra’s right, go fuck her in the bathroom or something and stop telling me what to do.”

“So it is about her?” 

“I have a name!” The her in question snaps. You turn around, temper flaring as you level your glare at her. She turns her nose up at you as she says, “It’s obvious you’re bothered he brought me here. Your jealousy is insufferable.” 

“Ding, ding ding,” Seungcheol imitates a bell. You turn around to look at Victra. “Round one! Fight!”

It takes a second for Victra’s words to land. It’s like each one hits you a second apart, packing their own punch as you register them. The pulsing music around you fades to a dull roar as you stare at her, seeing the way her lips twitch upward as she realizes she’s right. You are jealous that Soonyoung brought her up here. 

Victra’s grin is all it takes for you to spill over. Before you can register what you’re doing, you’re out of your seat and leaping over the table at her, knocking over glasses and bottles. Wonwoo cheers in delight behind you as your brother catches you by the waist, trying to keep you on your side of the booth as you tear at his hands to get across the booth. 

Seeing the attack of opportunity while you’re subdued, Victra shoots to her feet. Angel is fast as an adder, one moment sitting in Vernon’s lap and the next striking Victra down into the booth, knee planted in her stomach. Vernon does nothing to stop his girlfriend, opting instead to reach for a water bottle, unscrewing it to take a sip as his girlfriend pins Victra down to the seat with little effort. 

Noticing for the first time that their friend is in distress, the two women with Mingyu lift their heads. As soon as one starts to slide from his lap to reach for Angel, you kick a foot out, striking the bucket of alcohol and ice. The bucket goes flying at her, hitting her hard in the face. She screams, crumbling in Mingyu’s lap, cradling her face. 

Mingyu and Soonyoung are on their feet in seconds, soaked from the waist down and trying to gain control of the situation as it spirals. Mingyu becomes a blockade between Victra’s two friends, trying to keep them on their side of the booth. Soonyoung is prying a bottle from a hand before it can make its way toward you, yelling something indecipherable. 

Angel is still pressing her knee deep into Victra’s gut. Victra’s attention has diverted from you entirely as she screams like a wounded animal, pushing and scratching at Angel’s knee to try and get her off. You’re sure it hurts, but Angel doesn’t budge, sinking her weight into it. 

Leaning down, you grab something to lob at them - someone’s shoe - but Seungcheol manages to haul you off your feet and spin you, planting you into the booth behind him. You growl, shoving at his legs to move him out of the way, trying to re-engage. 

“Fucking hell,” he grunts. “Are you fucking juicing? Why are you so strong?”

“It’s the drugs,” Wonwoo offers unhelpfully. “Really top of the line drugs.”

“Shut up, Wonwoo!” Both you and Seungcheol bark at the same time. 

Wonwoo holds up his hands, leaning back into the seat as he watches the mess unfold with a delighted grin. You strike out with your foot, slamming against the booth’s table, shoving it in Soonyoung’s direction. You hear glass shatter as more things fall off the table, clattering to the ground. There are shrieks and curses that you can’t see with Seungcheol blocking the way. 

“He’s a fucking asshole!” You seethe to your brother, panting with rage. 

“He is, and you did exactly what he wanted you to do.” You try to kick the table again but he stops you, grabbing your knee. You feel like you can’t get enough air, sweat slicking your skin and the velvet of the couch too sharp against your flesh. “Soonyoung loves a fight when he’s fucked up. You know that.” 

“Well fuck him!”

He pulls the stick from his mouth, candied stim gone. He tosses it onto the floor and looks over his shoulder where Mingyu and Soonyoung are corralling the three women out of the booth. “God, Angel  broke that girl's rib I think. Hahahha!” 

“I want to break her fucking face!” 

“I think you broke her friend's face. She is fucked up. That bucket hit her right in the eye. What a shot.” 

“If you’re so entertained, why’d you get in my way?”

“There’s a lot of eyes here.” You glance around, noticing other booths looking at you, people ducking toward one another to whisper. “You have an image to maintain.” 

Adjusting your shirt, you settle back into the booth. “Alright. Alright I’m good.”

When Seungcheol moves out of the way to take a seat, Soonyoung replaces him. You glare up at him, feeling your anger curl up in you again. His lips twitch, a hint of a smirk as he sits down next to you, sighing heavily and tilting his head to look up at the flashing lights.

The girls are nowhere to be found. Angel is sitting back down next to Vernon who hasn’t moved, and there are servers picking up the mess you made. Mingyu is notably absent, though you can guess where he’s gone for the night. He’s good at making scorned lovers feel better about their bad luck. 

“Jealousy is crazy on you,” Soonyoung notes, tonguing the inside of his cheek as he glances at you sidelong. “I kind of like it.” 

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” you warn. He laughs, the fight totally leaving him. “I’m serious. Don’t ever do that to me again, Soonyoung. Not to me.” 

“Alright, alright. When you say jump, right?” 

Soonyoung’s fingers brush against yours. Just the rough feeling of his calluses against the tips of your fingers has you shivering, anger replaced with want. He doesn’t take your hand, doesn’t move to do anything else but lean back in silence with your fingers touching. 

Resigned, you say nothing else to him. You’d got what you wanted - sort of - even if you know you made an ass out of yourself doing it. It isn’t the first time he’s made you jealous, but it is the first time it’s boiled over so violently. 

You remind yourself not to do frostbyte when you’re mad anymore.

You turn your attention to where Angel is snorting frostbyte up her nose off of her boyfriend’s phone, accidentally turning on the hologram as she does, her face suddenly caged by green screen data. You call her name gently. She looks up at you, pupils blown, reflecting the lights dancing above like dark glass. “Thanks,” you offer. 

Her grin is too wide, teeth too white. She reminds you of a demon more than she does an angel. “Anytime.” 

When you settle back in, you glance at Soonyoung once. He looks down at you, smirking a single time before he leans into you and rests his head on your shoulder. You feel him melt into you, sighing as his eyes close and he nuzzles a little closer. You put your hand on his thigh, squeezing once before you leave it there, feeling the heat of his skin through his pants.

It isn’t until he’s almost asleep, pressed as close as possible to you that you realize maybe he got what he wanted too. 

Rain washes over the black city, the mist turning the thousands of digital and holographic advertisements into a watercolor smear of neon. It smells wet and like rot, the drains overworked and belching water and trash back out into the street as you walk, feet splashing. 

You quickly duck out of the way of a group of rowdy men spilling from a bar. You can smell the drink on them, their feet sloshing in the rising water of the street as they dredge toward the next bar. They whistle at the pretty girls dressed in light up raincoats and flickering green contacts, stumbling toward a brothel instead of the bar. 

Gripping your umbrella tighter, you quicken your steps. Grease smoke drifts toward you from various hawker carts, the sizzle of meat making your stomach growl. You ignore them, knowing you have dinner with your family later as you take a corner and plunge into the darkness of an underground stairwell. 

The LEDs on your umbrella cast a pink light as you descend the stairs, careful not to slip on the caked grime. Two guards stand outside metal double doors, music pulsing faintly behind it. They look you up and down, ready to deny entry until you state your name at the bottom of the steps. 

“ID?” the one on the right asks, giving you a critical eye. 

Of course he doesn't believe you. The daughter of the Tower would never walk anywhere without a body guard, especially in this part of the city. You spin the umbrella, the pink coalescing as he takes the phone from your hand and taps it, blue lighting up his face when your ID and profile appear in holographic data above the screen. 

He clears his throat and bows at the waist. When his counterpart doesn’t, he smacks him hard on the back, making the man lean over. “Apologies, Miss Choi. Right this way.” 

Music hits you full on when the doors open, the base creating static in the air. You cringe as it vibrates through your ribcage and teeth, wondering how anyone could stand to be in a club this loud. Popping the umbrella shut, you let your eyes adjust while one security guard remains at the door, shutting it behind you, and the other hands you your ID.

“Should I escort you to the office, Miss?” 

Writhing bodies dance together, scintillating like snakes in a pit. Above them, lasers and holograms light up the world with flashes of colors you didn’t even know existed. A wide bar stretches to the left of the floor, lit up by soft cyan lights. Behind it, the bartenders move in a blur, the glow on their clothes turning them ethereal. 

You glance at the security guard, who waits patiently before shaking your head. You point to the space above the bar where there are two large, mirrored windows looking out into the club. “Up there?”

“Yes,” he answers, hesitating. “Let me escort you.” 

With a roll of your eyes you nod, gesturing to him to lead the way. He clears a path, clubbers and workers alike moving out of his way when he shoves them. You walk behind him, swinging your head from side-to-side as you look at the people, fascinated. 

People with spikes pierced in their skin and whorling tattoos with glow ink stare back at you, glowing contact lenses and gemmed teeth all taking you in. You rarely get to mix in with the crowd that partakes in more unique cosmetic alterations and fashion, fascinated by someone who walks by with red glowing face tattoos like a demon mask. 

At the foot of the stairs, the guard lets you walk up first. It’s clear of people, so he remains standing at the bottom, taking up an imposing position with his hands linked in front of him, blocking the stairway entirely. 

The thud of music vibrates through your boots as you climb the stairs, greeting another security guard. You can tell he’s already been warned you’re here - he bows immediately and keys in the pad at the door, opening the office for you. 

You pass by him airily, stepping into the dry and much cooler office. The door closes behind you, immediately cutting off the sound with high–tech sound proofing. Soonyoung is leaning against the bar, his back to the door as he watches out the windows, a glass in his hand. 

“What in the fuck are you doing?” he asks, tossing you a look over his shoulder. You grin, skipping over to him. He doesn’t grin back, looking you up and down as you join him. You reach for the decanter he’s drinking from but he smacks your hand, viper fast. “Not a chance.”

“What? Why not?”

“You shouldn’t be here, much less without a security team. The Tower will be livid.” 

“The Tower doesn’t have to know.”

Soonyoung’s jaw flexes. “The security team will tell him you were here.”

“Not if you tell them not to.”

“Baby,” he sighs, tilting his head up and closing his eyes. You lean against the bar, watching him. The lights from the club are dimmer in here, but they flash against his face, painting him in golden light. He’s beautiful. “What are you doing here?”

“Angel said you had a bad day.”

“I always have a bad day. And tell Angel to shut her mouth.”

You snort. “You tell her that.”

That gets a grin out of him. He lowers his head, dark gaze finding yours. “You can’t just walk around the Lower City without a personal guard, Baby.”

“I’m not helpless.”

“I know you’re not. I’m not either but people try to rob me all the time. You, on the other hand, are a lot prettier of a prize than I am.” 

“So you think I’m pretty?”

This time when Soonyoung sighs, it’s affectionate. He sips his glass of amber liquid, turning to watch the crowd outside the office. He holds out his glass to you, a concession. You grin further, accepting it from him and bring it up to your nose to smell. You don’t know anything about liquor, but from the spiced scent you can tell it’s good quality.

You take a tiny sip. It goes down smooth - strong, but good and warm. Instead of giving him the glass back, you cradle it to your chest, leaning against the bar next to him close enough that your arms are almost touching. He continues looking out at the crowd, keen eyes serious and back to work while you look at him. 

Soonyoung is beautiful. His side profile is lethal, the slope of his neck elegant, the curve of his jaw sharp but delicate, his high cheekbones catching the light. His eyes are dark pools, reflecting the snatches of light that come through the dark windows. 

“Did you come here to stare at me?” he asks, never taking his eyes off the crowd. 

“What if I said I did?” 

His mouth twitches at the corner. “Unfortunately I would believe you.”

Watching over clubs isn’t usually Soonyoung’s job. But this club is in a terrible part of the city and isn’t worth much to the Choi Syndicate, so sometimes he’s awarded the opportunity to prove himself to your father and to the elders of the Syndicate that he’s competent and capable of leadership, despite the fact you’ve always known him to be. 

Soonyoung isn’t meant for leading like Seungcheol. But there is a certain level of loyalty and understanding he has to cultivate with the heavies of the family, the Swords who carry out the bloody tasks of removing people from the way and keeping assets safe. His father had been the Sentinel of your family for years until his death, and Soonyoung is expected to pick up that mantle.

This is all a part of that. Soonyoung already has the loyalty of the security team running this hole in the wall, alerting him the second you arrived and refusing to let you go up the stairs alone. Had they failed to do that, you might think a little less of them. 

Soonyoung also probably would have had them beaten. 

Finally, Soonyoung turns to look at you. He sighs and raises his brows expectantly. 

“What?” you ask. 

“What did you come here for? Real answer, this time.” 

“I told you. Angel said you had a bad day. That is my real answer.”

“And?”

You shrug, sipping from the glass and turning toward the windows. “I wanted to make it a better one.” 

That makes him go silent. You can see him turn to look at you, his stormy gaze pinning you to the spot. You don’t look at him, letting him stare as you nurse the drink and watch the dancing crowd down below. They’re beautiful, in a way, an ocean of bodies saying as colors turn them blue and then green and then bright red and then lavender. 

Soonyoung leans toward you, bumping his head on yours lightly. That gets a laugh out of you, stomach fluttering and wishing he would stay leaned against you. He pulls away though, crossing his arms over his chest and turning his eyes back to his job. 

“Thank you,” he finally says, voice quiet. “It is already a better day.” 

The silence is comfortable. You eventually give him the drink back and he takes it, tongue darting out to lick the lip gloss you left. He hums. “Cherries.” 

“You’re gross.” 

He smiles into the glass, taking a sip. “I actually have something for you.” 

“A present?”

He snorts. “Not exactly. Go to the desk - top drawer on the right.” 

Eagerly, you do as he says. The heavy wooden desk sits in the back of the room, imposing even without the metal lockers behind it with weapons. You ignore the heavy guns under padlocks and go for the drawer in question. 

A rectangular box is in the drawer Soonyoung specified, unmarked. You turn it over in your hands, curious. It’s not very heavy and fits mostly in your palm. 

“Bring it over here.” 

You do, trailing back to Soonyoung. He extends his hand and you pass it over to him, watching with interest as he cracks the box open with the sheer strength of his fingers. He pulls out a small device, a wire and what looks to be a plug, tossing the box to the bar. 

“Do you know what this is?” he asks, holding up the device. 

It’s a small rectangle with a keypad and a screen. You raise your brows in surprise. “It is a very old phone.” 

“It is.” He smiles, pleased with your answer. He passes the materials over to you and you hold them against your chest. “That’s the charger and the charging cord. It’s one of the old kinds of phones that requires a phone tower. There are barely any in the city.” 

“And what is this gift for?” 

“I own the phone towers that support it.” You raise your brows. Soonyoung rarely spends the inheritance his parents left behind, so you’re surprised. “It only has a single phone number programmed into it that will call the one I have.”

At this, he reaches into his pocket and produces the phone’s twin. He shakes it for emphasis, pressing a button and lighting up the screen. “You have to make sure to keep it charged. I want you to have it for emergencies only. And I mean emergencies, Baby. This is a last resort kind of device, alright?” 

You chew your bottom lip, dragging your eyes to look up at him. “Why?” 

“Because I need to know that you always have a last resort.” His gaze darkens. “Clearly your assigned security team lets you give them the slip. I need to know that you can hit the dial on this faster than you can on our phones. They’re overly complicated and not quick. With this?” 

He reaches over and turns on the phone in your hand. Once booted, he presses the one button. The device in his hand starts ringing. “Direct and fast access to me at all times. Do it even if you can’t tell me where you are. I’ll find you.” 

Emotion twists your throat. You grip the phone with a vice grip, looking up at him with wide eyes. His face is serious. He slips his phone in his pocket, turning back to do his job. “I will answer,” he promises. “It doesn’t matter when and where. I will answer that phone even if I’m dying. Do you understand?” 

“Yes.”

He nods. “Good.”

A knock on your door wakes you up from a dreamless sleep. Darkness spills across your room like ink as you slip from your bed, cursing when you kick the corner of your nightstand. With a raspy voice, you ask the automated room assistant to turn on the nightlights, a hazy purple immediately lighting the circumference of your room.

Squinting against the lavender glow, you pad over your room to open the door. Soonyoung is leaning heavily against the wall just beyond the threshold, his chin tucked to his chest and his hair sweaty and clinging to his temples. 

He doesn’t move when you open the door, the lilac light casting an eerie radiance on the side of his face. It’s hard to make out his expression in the lurking shadow of the hallway, and he offers no explanation for why he’s knocking on your door at three in the morning. 

“Soonyoung?” you whisper, eyes darting down the hall. No one else is around. “Where are Cheol and Vernon?”

“S’cheol is still working. Vernon went to stay at Angel’s.”

“Are you - Soonyoung are you drunk? Or high?”

“Yeah.” 

Both you realize. You can deal with both. 

Grabbing him by the hand, you tug him gently. He pushes off the wall with heavy steps, stumbling through your open door and into the room. You grip him tighter, shutting your door with a gentle click before turning around to face him. 

Soonyoung won’t look at you, turning his face away as he sways a little where he stands. Now that you can see him fully, you realize that there is blood on the collar of his shirt. Heart thudding, your hands reach for it, peeling it back to look at his neck. Specs of dry crimson flake from sweaty skin, making your terror reach new heights. 

He shrugs you off. “Not mine.” 

“I - what’s going on?” 

Instead of answering you, he walks a few crooked steps toward your bed and sits down on the edge. Licking your lips, you approach him slowly. He’s slouched over, elbows pressed to his knees as his head hangs heavily. He still hasn’t looked at you properly and you’re aching to see his eyes. You can always understand him better when you see his eyes, able to read the depth of emotions hiding beneath his mask.

When you reach him, you crouch down. Instead of grabbing for him again and risking him pulling away, you rest your hands on top of your knees. When afraid or upset, Soonyoung is like a cornered animal. You don’t know whether he’s in fight or flight, both just as dangerous as the next. 

“Soonyoung,” you say again gently. You watch his every move. “You’re scaring me. Do you need me to call Cheol or Vernon?”

If Seungcheol is working the circuit, he isn’t the best to call. Late night circuits include going from club to club under the Choi banner to monitor the drug trafficking and attend small business meetings as appropriate. Seungcheol will drop whatever he’s doing for you in a heartbeat, but it’s more complicated than that. 

In theory, Vernon is easier to get a hold of. He’s already off work and though he might not answer his phone if you call, you know his girlfriend will. Plus, the blood on Soonyoung’s shirt and skin can give you a guess at what’s happened, and Vernon is more equipped for that type of thing than you are. 

“Let me call Vernon-”

“No,” he finally says. “No. Sorry. I just.” 

Your chest squeezes in pain. It’s like you can feel the torture radiating through him, feel the weight of whatever it is that’s dragging him down yourself. Desperation drives you to reach out toward him slowly, watching for any sign of startling him. When he doesn’t move to pull away, you touch him gently, squeezing his knee gently. “What do you need?” 

“My dad always said I should feel something.” His words are halting, coming out slurred. You wait, holding your breath as he works through them. “Always said that you should feel something when you kill someone. If you don’t, it means you’re nothing more than a beast with base instincts. Not intelligent or refined.”

It takes everything in you not to let your grip turn to steel at his words. Instead, you rub your hand up and down his thigh soothingly, saying nothing. Soonyoung has never killed someone before. You would know if he had. He’s the last in your immediate circle of friends beside yourself to take on the weight of stealing life, and you’ve dreaded this day for a long time. 

Murder is an inevitability in your family. Keeping the Choi Syndicate on top requires sacrifice, cruelty and cunning. Soonyoung had started serving as an officially ranked member of the Syndicate over a year ago, and though he had fucked up a lot of people and brought them to the brink of death, he hadn’t actually done it yet. 

“I felt nothing,” he whispers, voice thick. “Fucking nothing.” 

“What do you mean?”

“There was no guilt. I didn’t even flinch. It was so easy, like fucking breathing. That’s not what my dad wanted me to be. He always said that those who felt nothing were just… baser creatures. That we were better because we were… made better.” 

“I think your dad wanted a lot of things. You being alive was the most important of those things, Soonyoung.” 

“I’m just tired of feeling fucking empty. I don’t give a shit that I killed someone, Baby. Honestly? I was fucking looking forward to it. I thought maybe - just maybe - I would feel something, even if it was guilt or horror or satisfaction. There was nothing.” 

You have no idea what to say. Instead of words, you surge forward, letting go of Soonyoung’s knee to push yourself between his thighs, wrapping your arms around his middle. He flinches for a moment, arms hanging dead at his side as you press your cheek to his chest, squeezing. 

Inside, you feel your heart crack open. You shove down the overwhelming sense of despair on his behalf, instead focused on him. There’s nothing to say with words, and you hope he can feel what you’re trying to tell him through touch, that he can feel everything you don’t know how to say as you hold him tight, clinging to him. 

Slowly, his arms encircle you. It takes him a moment, but he applies a little pressure back. It makes you scoot in more, pressed as close as you can get to him. He buries his face in your neck, his breaths warm and smelling like tequila. He smells like him too, vanilla and sandalwood. 

“I don’t feel like a person sometimes,” he whispers. “It’s like the ability for me to feel anything died forever ago. Like I killed it so that I didn’t ever have to hurt again. Now I only ever feel when-”

He cuts himself off and sinks into you a little more. You bear his weight, willing to carry any burden for him. You don’t think he realizes that he could ask you to jump and you’d say how high. You’ve always been willing to jump for him, always willing to do whatever he wants, whatever he needs. 

Gently, you ask, “You only ever feel when what? You can tell me if you want. Whatever you need.” 

“I feel when I’m with you.” Soonyoung whispers it like it’s a secret he doesn’t want you to hear. You feel the words hit your skin where he speaks them, a shiver slithering through you. His grip on you tightens a little with the admission, like now that he’s said it, he can’t let go. Won’t. “I feel most like a person when I’m with you.”

Pressing the flat of your hand to his back, you begin to stroke up and down slowly, touch following the careful ridges of his spine. He sighs, shivering in your hold. You want nothing more than to take the pain or whatever he’s feeling away, to rip it from him and to destroy it. 

The fierceness of your love for him is hard to tamp down. A fiery admission of your feelings for him isn’t what he needs right now. You know Soonyoung like the inside of your own soul, everything that makes him tick, every habit he’s picked up over the years. You can sense him standing lost at sea, needing an anchor. Needing you. 

“Okay,” you say softly. “So stay with me. Be a person with me.”

“I’m not made for you.”

“Yes you are.” Your nails dig into his back through his shirt, pressing sharply. The desire to covet him is so intense it overtakes you. “If I make you a person, then how could we be made for anyone but one another?” 

Silence greets your logic. You stay holding him like that, desperate to keep him there, terrified he’ll shrug you off and get up. He’s done it before, shucking off your affection like something to be disposed of. And still you give it to him freely, begging him to take it. 

He doesn’t shy away from you. Instead you feel him nod, mouth brushing tenderly across your throat in the ghost of a kiss. “If I stay right now, you will never get me to leave. Do you understand? I won’t… I will be incapable of ever letting you go. Ever. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

You hug him tighter. “Try to leave me at your own peril, Kwon Soonyoung.” 

“Where’s your other half?” the voice causes you to turn from where you lean against the bar. Angel slides up next to you, cocking her head as she does. She looks like a wraith, dressed in a rain slicker over black long-sleeved shirt that’s tucked into black pants. Her jacket and combat boots are wet, suggesting it’s still raining outside. “You’re usually attached at the hip. My therapist calls that codependency. Says Hansol and I have it too.” 

“Does your therapist also know you’re a murderer?” you mutter. The bartender slides drinks over to you and you nod in thanks. “Or that you’re only seeing her because Jeonghan made a bet with you? Or that your job often involves extortion? What does she think about that?” 

As a Rook of the Choi Syndicate, Angel’s job is a far cry from the holy nickname she’s sported since she was a child. Like Vernon, her role within your father’s empire is to collect debts owed to the Choi family and to remind them never to fall behind on payments. Other times, she’s simply used as a good tool to put the fear of god into enemies of the Choi family, and she’s good at it.

Raised under the careful tutelage of the Yoon family, there’s no weakness Angel can’t find and use. The only one better at it than her is her step brother, who is probably sitting next to your brother behind closed doors somewhere in the Choi Estate holding a meeting.

As Seungcheol’s future second in command, it’s Jeonghan’s responsibility to learn the ropes just like your brother. One day, it’ll be the two of them leading your family, a thought that makes you cringe with worry. 

Angel answers your question with a shrug. “I’m sure she knows I’m into some shit. I’m learning all kinds of new things about myself.” 

“Oh yeah? Like what?” 

“I don’t like therapy. And I kind of want to ask my therapist why she thinks she’s qualified for therapy when she’s fucking three of her clients.”

A snort escapes you as you shake your head. Of course Angel knows that about her own therapist. Lifting the two drinks on the bar, you drift away from her, eyes flicking over the Rook. “Stay out of trouble, Angel. And give Vernon my love.” 

She grins, wicked sharp and deadly. “No bar fights, hmm? Enjoy the party.” 

The party in question is exhausting. You’ve been playing pretty princess all night, saying hello to all of the right people, shaking all of the jeweled hands, kissing all of the right asses. You’re exhausted and the tension in your shoulder has been knotting further and further. 

Once upon a time you would have been thankful to at least not be Seungcheol. He shouldered a lot more responsibility. Now you’ve realized that you don’t shoulder less than him - it’s just different. If Seungcheol is the sword and shield of the Syndicate, you’re the face and smile. Galas, charities, celebrity events - it’s a never ending stream of smile, pose, shake hands. 

It doesn’t hide the fact that you sit on a throne that belongs to a criminal empire, of course. But it’s also no secret that the Three Syndicates run the city. Your family has long been one of the stalwart backbones of the government and city infrastructure. Only the Kim family and the Yong family come close. 

Still, appearances are everything. Especially when the Yong family owns most of the media outlets, weaponizing it against the Choi Syndicate every chance they get. You make it harder for them, using your appearances and platforms like a carefully wielded sword. 

Spotting Soonyoung among those dressed in dark security uniforms is easy. He nearly blends in with the dark pipe and drape that has been set up all over the ballroom of your home, but you could find him anywhere, your internal compass pointing to him even in the dark.

Soonyoung’s eyes alight on you, sharp and intense. His face is a cool mask of indifference, but you can see the way interest sparks in his eyes as he drinks you in. He’s already seen you in your dress tonight, but it doesn’t stop him from refamiliarizing himself, eyes tracing every dip and curve.

God you wish you were somewhere else with him. Specifically wrapped in the gray sheets of his bed, sweat-slicked and out of breath. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” you say shyly, handing him a drink.

He takes it and looks up at you, arching a brow. “I can’t drink this, I’m working.” 

“It’s just soda with lime, the way you like it.” 

His lips twitch in a smile as he takes a sip, nodding in confirmation. He doesn’t reach out to you and hold you close like you know he wants to, respecting the propriety of his position and the fact that he is on the clock right now. 

“You look tired,” he murmurs, eyes studying your face. 

So does he. As an official Sword of the Choi family, his job keeps him out late, bloodied, and tired. He’s completely changed from the man who sank into your arms that first night he killed someone, hardened into someone that your father sends to do just that often. 

A weapon. A Sword. A trusted knife in the dark for the Choi family.

You think Soonyoung is more capable than being a heavy for your dad and his associates. Soonyoung is intelligent and sharp, having gained perspective and a wealth of knowledge from living with your family. Still, his dad had been the leader of the hired guns for the Choi Syndicate. Soonyoung is an efficient killer, his fate bound by his father long ago.

“When are you off tonight?” you ask instead of telling him how tired he looks.

“I’m not.” You frown. He sips his drink again and gives you a soft smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s been busy. The Yong family are getting in our way at the docks. I gotta head down there with Vernon and Jeonghan after the party.” 

“The Yongs are doing it outright?” 

“No. We’re pretty confident it’s them though. Jeonghan is working on it. If we can bring the Xu family under our wing, it would be a lot easier to push them out.” 

“They have a son,” you note, thinking about the last event you attended where the Xu heir was in attendance. “Maybe marriage to one of our big hitters? Nexus Capital has an heiress.”

“I’ll mention it to Jeonghan. Who the fuck would want an arranged marriage, though?”

“Not me,” you laugh, wiping the eyelash you spot on his cheek gently. He gives you a tired, albeit affectionate smile. “You’ve been working nonstop. Tell Seungcheol you need a night off.”

“We both know it’s not Seungcheol working me to the bone, Baby.” 

Swallowing thickly, you turn away from him under the guise of scanning the crowd. You know you don’t fool him. Both you and Soongyoung know your father does not approve of your relationship, taking it out on Soonyoung to keep him busy and away from you. 

Your father would never hurt Soonyoung directly. You know that. He loves him like a son - sees his late best friend in the features of the man that Soonyoung has been shaped into under his care and tutelage. When you started dating Soonyoung seriously, you thought your parents might be happy. They adore him and they loved his parents just as much. 

Soonyoung is below your station, though. 

Your father will never say it outright. He wouldn’t insult his late friend’s son that way. But the way your father works Soonyoung harder than anyone else, holding him to a standard he doesn’t even keep for his highest level of men, you realize how deep the dissatisfaction goes. Even your mother’s adoration of Soonyoung does little to shield him from the petty assignments, try as she might. 

Still, you don’t care. And at the end of the day, neither does Soonyoung. As long as he gets to have you, he’s willing to put up with the petty assignments and the working late. 

“Hey,” Soonyoung says gently, bringing your attention back to him. He finishes his drink and sets it on a banquet table nearby. His eyes are averted, looking somewhere across the room as his hand slips around your waist to squeeze you quickly and press a kiss to your temple. “I’ve got to go - I’ve got a meeting with Vernon before we head out tonight. I’ll see you when I’m done. Probably won’t be until late morning.” 

“Alright,” You sigh. His hand slips from your waist and you wish you could pull him back to you. “Love you.” 

He grins brightly, giving you a wink before he melts into the crowd, weaving around party goers. Your heart squeezes when you lose sight of him. 

Someone clearing their throat catches your attention. You spin around to see Lan, one of your father’s personal Swords nodding politely at you. “Your father wishes to see you in the West Parlor. I’m to escort you.”

“Oh. Sure.” You set your drink down on the banquet table, wiping your damp hands on your dress. “Lead the way.” 

People bow their heads in respect as you go. You keep an even pace with Lan, which is hard to do with his long strides and your strappy heels digging into your ankles. He slows for your benefit and you give him a grateful smile, the swelling noise from the party leaving you behind as you step out of the ballroom and walk toward the west wing of the house. 

Some people mill about the halls of the estate. You can spot the members of the Syndicate who are on duty, mostly Swords that belong to the security force employed under the Choi family. You spot Chan leaning against a wall while gesturing broadly with his hands as he speaks to the owner of a new club on the edge of the Pearl District. When he catches your stare, Chan winks before focusing his attention back on the owner. Probably trying to work out some sort of deal or partnership, as is his job. 

The west wing of the house is quiet and off limits to the rest of the party. Your bedroom is just up two flights of stairs, your bed calling your name as you pass under the stairwell into the hallway that belongs to the West Parlor, the library, the study and your father’s billiards room. 

Old Man Vero is standing outside your fathers study, his hands linked in front of him and his head straight forward. He glances your way as Lan leans you toward the door, cracking a bit of a smile on his leathery face and giving you a wink. You grin, lightly reaching out and touching his elbow as Lan opens the door for you. Your father’s Swords have been in your life since you were a child, permanent figures of fixed loyalty and familiarity. 

They love you like they love your father, like they love your brother. It isn’t pure fear and power that keeps the Choi Syndicate together. Your father has plenty of that among the ranks, but the loyalty and love between him and his higher ranking members is real. Critical. It was a skill he taught you and Seungcheol, both of you arming yourself with your own shield of friends and confidants. 

Your father sits in a leather armchair, leaned back with his eyes closed. Next to him, a cigar smokes in the ashtray, threatening to go out as the thin wisps of smoke vanish into the air. An old fashioned record player echoes in the far corner of the room, smoothe notes vibrating through the air. 

“Tower,” you greet him formally, bowing at the waist. “How can I be of service to the family?” 

His eyes flutter open and he looks at you tiredly. He looks so much like your brother that it’s uncanny, sometimes. But his youth has worn off, his age more and more evident these days as he spreads himself thin expanding the Choi empire. Your mother has asked him - begged him - to give more responsibility to Seungcheol, but he refuses.

At least you know where your stubborn streak comes from. 

“So formal,” he notes, his lips twitching upward. He gestured for you to sit in one of the arm chairs. You do, smoothing your dress carefully as you sit. Behind you, Lan exits the room, the soft click of the door behind you. “You were always a better student than your brother.”

“That’s because he’s a man.”

A hearty laugh makes you grin, feeling a flutter of fondness. He was never an overly affectionate father, but he’s always been kind, though firm. You respect him, which is saying something in your world.

“Spoken like an intelligent woman,” he sighs. You wait patiently, watching as he seems to gather his words. Your stomach knots, sensing a trepidation about him that you’re not used to. “Your intelligence has always been your best asset, though you’re a little hot-headed like your brother.” 

“Steadfast is the mountain,” you say, quoting the Choi family motto.

He grins and adds your mother’s family moniker, “But the fire does burn. I knew marrying your mother was a good choice. Marrying the right person is paramount in this life. Family unions can make or break an empire, and they forge old alliances anew or secure new alliances.” 

A prickle down your spine makes you sit straighter. You had implied as much earlier to Soonyoung about the Xu family, knowing marriage was a viable option to bring the shipping mogul into the Choi empire. Now, though, the notion has you on edge, watching him like a frightened cat.

“I didn’t pick your mother, you know,” he muses, his eyes unfocusing somewhere far away. “But when my father recommended her, I knew he was right. I was familiar with her, of course. We went to school together. Fought like cats, but she was so intelligent and fierce.” 

You’ve heard this story before. Your father hadn’t loved her to start, but your mother had loved him right away. Had always known that she loved him. She’d shown up at one of his billiard nights and told him exactly how she felt, asserting that they would be married and that he would be loyal to her. 

He’d fallen in love with her that night. 

He sighs heavily. “I see a lot of your mother in you.”

“Don’t let her hear you sound so disappointed. She might be offended.”

“She’s better than me,” he says. His eyes focus on you, flicking back to appraise you. Sweat slicks on your back and only years of training keep you from not fidgeting under his weighty gaze. “But it would be easier sometimes if you were more like me. Less fire, more mountain. Still, you are rational, so let us speak plainly: you are going to marry the Kim family heir.” 

Silence hangs in the air. You stare at him, your brain taking a moment to catch up with his words. It’s like you’re moving in slow motion, processing the firmness in his voice, the way he looks at you with heavy countenance. 

You are going to marry the Kim family heir.

A high-pitched ringing starts in your ears and you feel the buzz of panic start to tingle at the base of your spine. Your fingers dig into the arms of your chair a little, trying to fight the staccato rhythm of your heart from getting out of control. 

“What?” you ask. It feels dumb, compared to the eloquence you’re capable of. 

“Kim Yijun is a perfect match,” he says simply. “He’s in line to inherit the Kim Syndicate. There is tension with the Yong family, and I will not lie to you: they have a far larger reach than we would like. They don’t do things the old way like the Choi and Kim families. They have started to ally themselves with the Arash family in Veridian, giving them cuts and room in our city to spread their reach outside the bounds of their own city.” 

“I don’t understand.”

“The Kim and Choi families have been united before. They’ve always been our first ally in times of city upheaval and Syndicate war, and they, like us, don’t believe in letting outsiders have a seat at the table. The Yong family don’t understand that, and are willing to let vermin have scraps if it means scooting us out.”

“I’m-” you shake your head. “You can’t ask that of me.”

“I’m not asking.” He reaches for a lighter and picks up the cigar. He takes a moment to relight it, taking his focus off of you. You feel your pulse spiking, your grip on the chair like iron. “I am telling you that this is what your future will be. I understand you like the Kwon boy, but-”

You sneer, baring your teeth. “The Kwon boy? Don’t reduce him to some stranger. Soonyoung grew up in this house, he is family. And I don’t just like him, I love him. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you bullying him because you’re frustrated that I love him. You love him too.” 

“I do. I love him like my own. But he is not for you.”

“He is. I will not marry Yijun. I am asking you not as a member of this Syndicate, but as your daughter to drop this machination from your plans. I am your blood, you cannot ask this of me.”

“I told you, I am not asking. I am telling you.” 

A tremor starts in your hands. Your heart races so fast that you feel sick, sweat slicking your skin as you begin to pant sharply. The ringing in your ears grows until you feel disconnected to it, like suddenly you’re living in third person. You’re aware that you’re hyperventilating and yet, suddenly it’s separate from you.

Standing abruptly, you feel the world tilt. You take a second to steady yourself, feeling the numb tingle spread throughout you like a flood. 

“Sit down,” your father demands. You hear the warning. Recognize the firmness in it. This is the Tower of the Choi Syndicate speaking, not your father. 

“Take this as my resignation from the family,” you tell him. Your voice doesn’t feel like your own, steady and without inflection. “I’ll renounce my inheritance and will not use the Choi family for any connection or advantages-”

“You will not!” 

His voice startles you. Lures you away from the safety of your detachment. You look at him, eyes wide and shaking. His hand is fisted on the armchair, his rage crackling around him like a thunderstorm. “I will not have my only daughter sabotage everything this family has built for the affection of someone unfit for her station. Kwon Soonyoung is a weapon meant to serve you. You will marry Kim Yijun or I will remove the obstacle altogether.” 

Your entire life there have been two versions of your father. The stoic leader of one of the oldest criminal empires in Hyperion, the vicious man who could be cold and calculating, and who was reverently feared by his enemies. The kind father who watched you and Seungcheol study math together, carefully explaining to you how to carry numbers over in the equation. 

It is the former who sits before you now. Someone entirely unfamiliar to you, though you’ve always known he existed. And why would you? Your father has never had to be ruthless with you before, hiding the way he could cut from you until it was necessary. 

Soonyoung knew. You know it with absolute clarity. You remember the fear in his eyes when you had slipped into his room that night asking for a kiss, the way that he is always so careful about when and where he touches you, the way he takes the assignments and the mistreatment without so much as a protest because it means he gets to have you.

“You would kill him?” you whisper, looking your father in the eye. “You promised to take him in when his family was murdered. He had no one, and you promised his father you’d raise him as your own. You would go back on that?” 

He scowls. “If his father knew what he was, he’d kill Soonyoung himself. That boy is a dog to be set upon whoever his owner wishes, who kills with impunity.” You say nothing. I don’t feel like a person. Soonyoung’s words echo in your mind, haunting. “I hold the collar and I will put him down, if need be.” 

“So you raised a pet to be disposed of at your convenience?”

“I raised a boy who should be grateful I haven’t put him in the fucking ground for sullying my only daughter. I let you two have time, and you should be grateful. It is my love for him that has stayed my hand this long. No more. You will marry Kim Yijun, or you will bury that boy. This is the command of your Tower.”

“Mother will not let you-”

“Your mother doesn’t let me do anything. I am the Tower of this family, and it does what I command. You will fall in line.” 

Tears spill from your eyes. You suddenly feel like you’re standing on a cliff, the vertigo of nothingness at the bottom making you sick with fear. Desperation grips at you as you stare at your father, willing him to change his mind. Begging him. 

His pity doesn’t come. There is only resolute silence, watching as you crumple in front of him, knees going weak as you abruptly sit - fall - on the floor. You bury your face in your hands, grief for something lost stealing your ability to maintain control before you’ve even given an answer. 

I’m not made for you. 

Soonyoung had tried to tell you a long time ago and you’d brushed him off. Of course he was made for you. He was all you’ve ever wanted, and you’ve always been given what you wanted. You made him whole, and he you. How could you not be made for one another. 

“Please don’t do this to me. Daddy,” you whisper, trying to appeal to him with the little girl he loves. “Please, I love him.” 

“Lan will escort you to your room.” You ignore his words, pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes, willing the tears to stop. You know later you’ll feel pathetic for the display of emotion, for the meltdown in the face of adversity. “You will announce your engagement at the end of the week.”

“Yes, Tower.”

“If you so much as remotely try to sneak around with him, I will put him in the ground and bear the weight of that grief for eternity.” 

“Yes, Tower.”

“Know that I love you. We must make sacrifices for this family we wish not to. But you will make the sacrifice like I have so many times before. So will Soonyoung.” 

You stand, limbs shaky as you look at your father, the heat of your mother’s rage fueling your gaze. “Yes, Tower.”

Sleep claws at you with greedy fingers, unwilling to give you up to the waking light of day. You groan, suspended in that moment of almost awake but achingly unaware. A brush of warm skin on your arm pulls you the rest of the way from heavy sleep, your thoughts sticky as they formulate and you open your eyes, squinting in the gray light of your room. 

Squinting at the clock displayed on your nightstand, you realize it’s late morning. The tinted windows of your room keep out the sunlight, but a single panel has been adjusted to let some of the cloudy day in, a single shaft of gray spilling into your room like muddy water. 

Warmth presses behind your back, the steady touch on your arm trailing up and down. For a second, you lean back into it, feeling your head thud against Soonyoung’s chest, his mouth pressing against the crown of your head. He drags his fingers up and down your arm absently, light as a feather. He smells like soap, a hint of his familiar vanilla and sandalwood. 

“Have trouble sleeping?” the words are mumbled against you. 

“Hmm?”

“There’s lines of crushed knockout on your nightstand, Baby.” 

You look at the nightstand. Sure enough, the white pills you crushed are dusted across the surface. The reality of why you used them slams into you so suddenly that you stiffen, muscles locking.

Soonyoung notices immediately, his touch stilling. “What?”

Finding the words is impossible. You don’t know where to start, your father’s words make you dizzy. The sheets stick to your skin, Soonyoung’s warmth too hot to stand. You scramble from bed, kicking at the sheets and putting distance between you as you bolt toward the bathroom. 

“Hey,” he calls after you. You don’t turn to look at him, the cool tile giving you goosebump as the lights flicker on. You close the door behind you firmly, pressing your back against it. Soonyoung’s knocks are immediate, his voice calling your name on the other side. “What’s wrong?” 

The use of your name sours your stomach. You lurch forward, diving for the toilet as the contents of your stomach empty. The bile burns, your eyes watering as you press against the cold porcelain, clinging to it for life. 

Soonyoung opens the door, letting himself in as you heave again. He’s quick to react, opening the medicine cabinet to remove an anti-nausea inhalent. He wordlessly pads over to you, crouching down to extend it toward you. 

You avoid looking at him directly in the eye as you snatch it from him. His brows are pinched in concern, face swollen with what little sleep he got and mouth turned downward. Your stomach roils again but holds as you crack the inhalent and wave it under your nose, breathing in gently. 

The stimulant makes your eyes water, but immediately the churning in your stomach subsides. You close your eyes for a moment, breathing in and out slowly, trying to regulate yourself. Soonyoung watches in silence, his hands opening and closing at his sides like he wants to reach out and touch you but doesn’t. 

When you open your eyes, there is so much love and concern on his face that you almost break right then and there. Instead, you clear your throat and straighten, tossing the medication in the trash.

“Thanks, just hungover. I need to shower.”

He looks doubtful. “Alright.”

Soonyoung stands, heading to the shower. You clear your throat and he pauses, glancing at you over his shoulder. “Alone, please.” 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just want to shower.” 

He says your name again. Not Baby. Not any other derivative. Your name. “You can talk to me.”

Your heart cracks. You panic. Your brain races for the only viable option. “I just want to take a fucking shower, Soonyoung.” You push yourself off the ground, scowling at him. He moves out of your way as you pass him, stunned to silence. “I don’t need you crowding my space every five seconds.” 

Refusing to look at him as you hit the panel in the wall, you instead focus on the water that falls from the ceiling, a storm of heat and the smell of peppermint. You keep your back turned toward him, staring at the water as it heats, steam curling in tendrils where it hits the stone tiles. 

“You can go,” you say sharply. 

“Alright.” 

The gentle click of the door when he leaves is barely audible over the hum of the shower. You let the rushing water lull you into a state of numbness, peeling your clothes off with unsteady, mechanical movements. 

Hot water slicks off your shoulders. You close your eyes and hang your head, letting the feel of the peppering water sluice over your ears, eyes, nose, mouth. You let it blind your senses to nothing but the roar of water, blotting out everything else. 

If I stay right now, you will never get me to leave. 

You remember when Soonyoung whispered it against your skin just a few years ago, spoken carefully and clearly, a promise and a warning. He would never let you go. You had to let him go. Telling him what your father has asked of you - has threatened to take away from you - will only make Soonyoung’s feet dig in further.

For as long as you’ve known him, Soonyoung has been a covetous creature. You remember the night at the club he antagonized you just to see that spark of want, just to prove to himself it was him you wanted. You remember the way he clung to you in the dark of your bedroom, the only person who could ever make him whole. Who could make him feel. 

Your father sees Soonyoung as a loyal attack dog - but it isn’t the Tower of the Choi Syndicate who holds Soonyoung’s collar. It never has been. Soonyoung has never asked your father how high. 

Pressing your palms to your eyes, you start deep breathing exercises. In through your nose, out through your mouth. The shaking in your fingers begins to subside, the logic part of your brain turning on. 

The threat on Soonyoung’s life is real. You saw the resolve in your father’s eye, the painful glint. He would hate to do it, but he would do it. You’re entwined too deep into your family’s affairs and business to vanish. There is nothing in the world you have that’s your own, no assets that are not connected to them in some way.

And if you tell Soonyoung, he’ll face the problem like he does everything that stands in his way: try to kill it. 

For a split moment, your brain chases the thought like a mouse after cheese. Like a long math problem, you work out if it’s possible to commit patricide and get away with it. Your mother will never forgive you, but Seungcheol might. Your friends would - they’re loyal to you, especially Jeonghan and Angel. 

The older generation, though- 

You toss aside the thought almost as quickly as you thought of it - not because you don’t want to kill your father, but because it isn’t possible. Not just like that. There are too many pieces on the chessboard, too many domino effects spreading out in every direction if you take that route.

No. There is only a single path for you, set in motion by a hand with more power than you. 

And there’s only one way you can move forward with Soonyoung. 

There’s so much of your mother’s side of the family you’ve inherited. Her side has always been associated with the phoenix, the burning immortality of their name and their strength, a blazing glory. Your maternal relatives have always been the rage and the fire that was needed for a Syndicate to advance, a good partnership for the Choi’s who were cold and steadfast. 

What you need now is the winter of the mountain, not the rage of the phoenix. You need to be a Choi. 

Steadfast is the mountain. 

You love Soonyoung. You love him you love him you love him youlovehimyoulovehimyoulovehimYOULOVEHIMYOULOVEHIM- 

Pressing your fist to your mouth, you bite down for one, blinding moment of untapped rage. You feel your skin break, taste iron and salt, feel pain bloom. 

Steadfast is the mountain. 

Then it’s gone. You drop your hand from your mouth. Open your eyes. Turn off the shower. The rage is gone, buried beneath a layer of newly formed ice. If there is anyone you can do this for, it’s Soonyoung. You love him. You will destroy him. But he’ll be alive. 

Soonyoung is sitting on your bed when you open the door. He’s got a tablet in his hand, the holographic images displaying above the screen, haloing his face in blue light. There are circles under his eyes and his teeth worry at his bottom lip, which is chapped. He’s shirtless, the compact planes of his body half shadowed by the single shaft of light filtering through a window. 

He looks up at you but you ignore him, heading to your closet. The silence is brutal. You push through it, opening the closet doors to reveal a massive space nearly the same size of your bathroom. Track lights kick on, rows and rows of clothes by color greeting you. In the middle, there is an island counter, filled with drawers and biolocked jewelry safes. 

Soft steps tell you Soonyoung is standing at the entrance of the closet. You still don’t face him, walking over to your section of black clothes. You flick through them, eyes scanning. Black seems appropriate. It feels like death, afterall. 

Soonyoung’s voice is soft as his late night kisses. “What’s going on?” 

“I’m marrying Kim Yijun.” 

A beat passes. Then another. 

“Is that supposed to be a joke? I’m not interested in pranks this morning.”

“It’s not a prank.” You pull out a black, silk dress. “The Tower has asked this of me, and I’ll be doing it.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

You continue, undeterred as you put the dress back and keep looking. “The Kim family has agreed to the match ahead of the rising tensions with the Yong Syndicate and their new take on foreign allies. A united front of the old families will benefit our family-”

“You’re not fucking marrying Kim Yijun.” 

“All of the metrics we’ve run for public opinion and potential city-wide reaction are favorable. The Tower needs his children to fall in line, and I intend to do so.”

Soonyoung storms toward you. You turn on your heel, holding a finger out to him, voice severe, “Don’t come near me.” 

“Why? Because you know you’ll lose your resolve? Because the second I touch you, you’ll drop whatever bravado this is and let me help you?”

Exactly that. He knows you inside and out. Sees through the front. It doesn’t matter. You don’t need him to believe you, you need him to obey. 

He takes another step and you back up. “I will scream,” you threaten, venom in your voice. “I will scream and Seungcheol and Vernon are right down the hall. Whose side do you think they’ll take, with your reputation for violence?” 

“Fuck you, they know I’d never hurt you.”

You hear the waver in his voice. That tiny sliver of doubt, so small and tiny but there. They do know he would never hurt you, but Soonyoung isn’t convinced they’d believe him. It makes you sick, but you latch onto it, unspooling that tiny bit of hurt. “Do they, Soonyoung? I hear some of them call you a mad dog because you attack with no regard for anything. Do you really think they trust you entirely with me?”

Soonyoung is raging. His chest rising and falling, shaking his head back and forth as he tries to understand. You’re rooted to the spot, muscles coiled, pulse thudding in your throat. “You are not,” he growls. “Marrying Kim Yijun. You don’t even want to, don’t try to lie to me about your feelings or insult me thinking you can bait me. You love me. You are mine.” 

“I belong to the Choi family and it’s what my family needs from me. I will do my duty.”

“Fuck your family!” His roar makes you flinch, briefly closing your eyes. His palm slams on the top of the countertop in front of him, sharp in the silence. “You have a duty to me. I told you I would not fucking let you go. You’re not doing it. I’ll fucking kill him, you think I won’t? I’ll murder every last one of them-” 

“You don’t tell me what to do, Kwon Soonyoung. I will do this, and you will obey.” He bristles, going rigid as your words land like a slap. “When I say jump, you say how high. You’ve always known that.” 

For a second, he cracks. The Soonyoung you first saw on your doorstep, crying and round-cheeked and ruddy returns. His lip trembles and the way he looks at you nearly melts your iron will. You’re so close to collapsing, to laying it out before him, to risking it all. 

“Don’t do this to me.” His whisper is made of glass. Delicate. He presses his palm to his chest, right over his heart. Earnest. “I can’t - you know I can’t. I- please. I can’t do this.” 

Licking your lips, you look him in the eyes. His eyes are your favorite. Dark. Stormy. Endless. They are lined with silver, panic rippling across the surface. 

You lift your chin and push back your shoulders. “You can and you will, because I told you to jump, Soonyoung. Now ask how high.” 

Sunlight warms the back of your neck, humidity clinging to your skin like a second layer. You take a deep breath, though the steamy air offers no relief. You snap open a silk fan, waving it in front of your face in hopes of chasing away some of the sweat, feeling the separation between skin and makeup the longer you sit in the wretched heat of the garden. 

It’s not even real sunlight or heat. You can’t tell beyond the projection in the room, but you know that there are vents heating up the room and controls that make the air humid and sticky, making it feel like you’re sitting in a real garden outside somewhere lush. 

Lin drones on and on about something. You tuned her out long ago, eyes flickering back and forth to your watch and the women’s faces around you. None of them here are really your friend - not in the way Angel is, the way Wonwoo or Jeonghan are. 

Yet you’re expected to be here, entertaining the upper echelon wives of the Choi and Kim Syndicates, boiling away in an imaginary garden while you sweat to death, dress clinging to your skin and thighs slippery in the seat as you adjust yourself, uncomfortable. 

“It’s hot as a motherfucker,” a whispered voice comes from next to you. You look up to see the newly engaged heiress of Nexus Capital next to you, glaring behind the dark shade of her sunglasses as Lin continues rambling about something. “Couldn’t she have made it less real?”

A smirk twitches on your lips. You haven’t spoken to her much, but her recent engagement to Xu Minghao had secured the position the Choi Syndicate had been fighting for in the shipping yards and docks with the Yong family, elevating her family into the favored circle of your father.

Suddenly, you remember who had recommended that marriage in the first place. You remember the party, the pretty dress you wore, Soonyoung’s hand briefly on your waist as he kissed you goodbye for a meeting. You had no idea then that your throwaway comment about an arranged marriage to benefit your family would become your own nightmare under an hour later.

Grief is a funny thing. You never knew that you could feel grief for someone who isn’t dead, yet sometimes you feel such an overwhelming amount of grief at the hole that Soonyoung has left behind that you can’t breathe. 

Throat dry, you reach for water, drinking eagerly. You feel a bead of water run down your face, but you ignore it in favor of trying to focus on not panicking. 

Anxiety attacks are new for you. Though your entire life has been colored with stressful situations unique to growing up in a criminal Syndicate, you could never say that you were anxious before. At least not in the way that made the back of your neck too hot and the tips of your fingers buzz with the threat of a looming meltdown. 

You ignore it. It’s all you know how to do. The anxiety medication your therapist gave you doesn't work, and you can’t crush a bunch of pills and inhale them anytime you feel like you’re about to get tunnel vision and spiral. 

Well, you suppose you can, but you’re trying not to get into the habit. 

Instead of acknowledging the way the panic lurks around your edges like a predator waiting to pounce, you listen to the dull conversation around you. Focus on the gossip that you don’t care about, exactly, but know it’s good to have. 

Since marrying into the Kim family, you’re not sure what your job is. With your family, your role as the face, the legacy and the representation of the Choi Syndicate had always been clear and obvious. Now, your husband sends you to stupid things like this with preening people that you don’t like and makes you leave events early when he’s irritable. 

Gossip is a weapon, though. So you gather it when you can, taking in bits of information and storing it for yourself. Rarely do you offer it to Yijun - not that he would take it - but Jeonghan finds the information you share useful. So does Angel, but there’s rarely anything you know that she doesn’t. 

Just as your anxiety begins to fade, the source of it materializes. 

At first, you think you’re seeing things when a door appears in the wall depicting an apple orchard and Soonyoung strolls out into the fake-sun. You blink dumbly, spine tingling as you realize that your mind is not playing tricks on you and it is him. 

He sees you immediately. His dark eyes burn like embers, pinning you to the spot. His face remains motionless but you see his jaw tick, the only sign that he is immediately on edge when he sees you. He’s dressed for work in an all black suit, required for the Swords of the Choi family. 

Giggles breakout around the table as he approaches, the ladies around you all flushed cheeks and demure smiles. You feel the buzzing start in your hands again, this time worse. It goes up your arms, working its way to your chest as the anxiety increases tenfold, heart pounding.

Soonyoung bows. “I beg your pardon, ladies.” 

“My goodness, Soonyoung,” Lin preens. “You must be horribly hot in that suit, but you do look handsome.”

You fight the urge to snarl at her that the imitation of the garden isn’t real and no amount of pretending will make it real. You even imagine reaching across the table and plunging her fish knife into her hand. Instead, you watch Soonyoung, your hummingbird heart fluttering. 

He gives her a polite smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be alright. I apologize for interrupting, but the Tower of the Choi family has sent me to escort his daughter home.” 

“Home?” 

“The Choi Estate.” 

He doesn’t say what he means: the Kim Estate is not your home. 

“Alright,” you say, voice reedy. Your hands are trembling as you slide your chair from the table, the metal legs grinding loudly against concrete. You flinch at the sound, hyper aware of every bead of sweat crawling down your spine, every beat of your heart that is too fast, too hard.

Static fills you as you mumble parting words to the women who watch you in confusion. At least, you think you mumble your goodbyes. Blood rushes in your ears as you take uneven steps toward Soonyoung, who turns on his heel and starts marching toward the apple orchard. 

It feels like you’re in an echo chamber. Everything suddenly feels hollow and everything sounds as though you’re hearing it through a thin wall. Muted. Dull. He opens the door that you can’t quite spot even this close, ushering you inside as your vision starts tunneling to a narrow point, everything else blurry and distorted. 

No. No no no no no. 

Lifting your hands, you glance down at them to see them trembling, opening and closing your fists in an attempt to stop the buzzing feeling, as though you could will it away. You think Soonyoung says something but you can’t hear him over the roar of panic that grips you and tears you sideways.

Instead of following him down the hall, you lurch toward a different hall, rushing toward the powder room. It feels like the walls are narrowing as you throw open the door, breath coming out in pants. Everything feels tight and compact, crushing smaller still. 

Stumbling to the sink you try to turn the faucet on. Once. Twice. Cold water spits from the faucet and you gasp, leaning down over the sink to splash freezing water into your face. It doesn’t have the desired effect, the water is not cool enough to shock you out of your panic. 

Soonyoung speaks behind you. You can’t hear him, the grip of your anxiety so strong that you grab the edges of the sink to keep you up right. You’re heaving now, heart rattling so hard you think that maybe you’re having a heart attack instead. 

A firm grip wretches your attention from the porcelain sink to the mirror, where you see your dripping reflection, eyes blown like saucers. Soonyoung is standing behind you, a hand on your bicep, squeezing. His face is no longer a mask of indifference, but one of confusion. 

His mouth moves and you shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut. “I can’t,” you gasp, ragged. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.” 

Then, he does something that catches you entirely off guard. You watch in slow motion as he steps back and removes the gun from the holster underneath his suit jacket. You hear the safety on the gun click and the hum as the weapon charges, ready to fire rounds of plasma if he squeezes the trigger. 

And then he points the gun at your head, the lights on it flipping from blue to red, signaling it’s ready to kill. 

The world stops. The panic vanishes for a split second, replaced with utter shock as you stare at him in the mirror. 

���What the fuck are you doing?” you demand, voice stronger than you expect. 

Soonyoung is ten levels of crazy, but he’s never pointed a gun at you before. You stare at him, open-mouthed and wondering if he’ll do it. If he could pull the trigger. He’d told you a hundred times when you were together that he would never let you go and it was always with clarity that you understood what he meant: it’s me or no one. 

With stark clarity, you realize there’s no reason for Soonyoung not to pull the trigger. He doesn’t care much about the value of his own life from what you can glean over the last two years, and he doesn’t really seem to care about yours. 

Not that he should. You promised to make him feel human and you did. Then you took it away from him, leaving him adrift in a vast ocean of nothing alone and untethered. 

No, you don’t think you inspire Soonyoung to feel human anymore. If anything, you probably make him want to be the worst version of himself. 

Soonyoung’s voice holds no emotion when he asks, “Are you with me?”

“Why are you pointing a gun at me?” 

“Breathe,” he says instead. He doesn’t lower the weapon, stormy eyes focused on yours. “Breathe,” he repeats. “Slowly, maybe.” 

“Soonyoung, you are holding a gun at me, what do you mean breathe?” 

“What do you mean what do I mean? I mean what I fucking said. Breathe normally.”

“Lower the gun!” He does. “What the fuck?”

He breaks eye contact, sliding the weapon back into his suit jacket. He turns away from you as though he didn’t have you at gunpoint a second ago. “You were having a panic attack. Sometimes a shock to the system stalls it. Your breathing has slowed down now. And you’re not panicking.” 

A beat of silence passes. Then, “So you leveled a gun at my head?” 

“It worked. Let’s go.”

“Are you fucking crazy?”

“Yes. Now let’s go. You’re needed at the Choi Estate.”

“Why?” 

“Do I look like I have all the answers? I just do what I’m told. When a Choi says jump, remember?”

You visibly flinch as his words land. Soonyoung doesn’t wait for you to gather yourself, spinning on his heel and exiting the powder room to stride through the halls. Tightness gathers in your chest, left over from your anxiety attack. 

Pressing your hands against your dress to wipe the sweat from them, you chase after Soonyoung. He’s already by the apartment’s elevator, jamming his finger into the button. He doesn’t look at you as he waits, content to stare at the metal door. 

You don’t know where else to look - you want to look anywhere but him. Turning around, you fixate on the floor to ceiling windows. It’s still morning outside, but it’s hard to tell with the way the clouds block out the view, turning everything to mist. 

This high up in the city is reserved for the elite. You can’t imagine why - there’s nothing to look at but clouds, clouds, and more clouds. It’s what makes them have virtual reality rooms in the first place, trying to recreate the experience that they might have if they were wealthy enough to own land. 

The sound of the elevator arriving makes you flinch. Soonyoung ignores you, getting in and leaning against the wall as he hits a button to go to the parking garage. You scramble in after him, a little breathless as the doors close just behind you. 

Immediately you start shooting down several floors. He glares at the wall, unseeing and unfeeling. You swallow thickly, watching the numbers decrease until you’re at Lin’s private parking garage. Soonyoung is out of the elevator before it finishes opening all the way, storming toward the car he’s left running idle. 

Normally someone would open a car door for you. Instead, Soonyoung gets in the driver’s seat and slams the door shut. You reach for the handle of the passenger seat and pause. Normally you sit in the back when being driven somewhere, it’s always been like that. But this is Soonyoung and you’ve always been beside him in the car, his equal. 

A muffled get in the fucking car reaches you. Deciding that sitting next to him is too personal, you open the back seat and slide in. You’ve barely shut the door when he punches the gas, slamming you into the back of the seat as he goes. 

“Would you stop being an asshole?” you seethe, ripping the seatbelt from next to you to buckle in. Your hands are still shaking and it takes a moment for the clasp to click.

Instead of answering, you hear the way the car accelerates under his foot. Scowling, you look out the window. He speeds into the lift that brings the car down to the ground floor. Lights blur by as the lift drops at lurching speed, your stomach in your throat. You hate coming to apartments for this reason, the feeling of having to freefall to leave never growing on you. 

It’s raining when the lift opens to the wet street. Soonyoung peels out on the pavement, tires spinning until they gain traction and the car slides onto the road, narrowly missing someone. You slam against the seatbelt, cursing and clinging onto the door as he pushes the gas down, engine roaring.

“Are you trying to kill us?”

Soonyoung doesn’t answer you. You think it might be because he’s not explicitly trying to kill the two of you, but he doesn’t care if he does. You try not to think about it so much as he powers through the streets of the Upper City, driving past towering businesses, luxury districts with entertainment and bars and apartment buildings. 

The road starts to incline and you hit a line of trees. The city vanishes behind you as Soonyoung drives the car up the winding road, leaving a world of metal and lights for greenery and earth. The contrast between the cities below and the Estates above is stark, especially as he drive’s higher up the mountain, snatches of the city below visible. 

“Why did you come to get me?” you ask, flicking your gaze to the rearview mirror to watch him. Soonyoung keeps his eyes on the road, but you see his mouth tighten. “Last I checked you’re not an errand boy.”

“So what, you check on me?”

“It’s a figure of speech, you know what I mean.”

“The Tower personally requested I come get you.” 

That gives you pause. Soonyoung’s face reveals nothing as he turns on the street that will inevitably lead to the massive metal wall that blocks off the world from the Choi Estate. There can only be a single reason why Soonyoung was sent to fetch you when usually your husband’s staff would do so.

“What’s happened?” 

Soonyoung doesn’t answer your question. Instead, he rolls the window down at the guard house to show his face. The security team recognizes him immediately, waving him through as the gate begins to slide open to reveal lush, green jungle. 

Gravel crunches underneath the car tires as he drives through the winding foliage on Choi grounds. Your great-great-grandfather had built the Choi compound, the first of the few elite houses on the mountain. He thought it was important to keep the plant life and sprawling greenery to conserve, but you knew it was really about power. Symbolism. Greenery didn’t really exist in the city, and this much space and plantlife meant wealth. 

The sprawling estate you grew up in reveals itself. Multiple buildings dot the property, making it more a family compound than an estate. Now that Seungcheol is old enough, he’s moved out of the main house and into one of the smaller homes, occupying the space with his own men and staff. Still, he’s just a brief stroll away from your childhood home.

Home. Even two years under a Kim family banner hasn’t erased the feeling of home for you. There is nothing in the house you share with Yijun that makes it feel like you. It is as devoid of love as your marriage, merely a placeholder for you to sleep, eat, and occasionally, try to produce an heir. 

Soonyoung pulls up to the long building that serves as a garage, hitting a button on the car’s screen to open one of the bays. He pulls in slowly, the outside world fading as the garage door shuts behind the car, dousing it in darkness until the neon lights above flicker on. 

Without a word, he powers off the vehicle and gets out. Taking a deep breath, you square your shoulders and get out of the car. He doesn’t wait for you - even shuts the door as he enters the main house so you’re forced to lug it open. 

He’s already opening the door to the main house a few yards away, forcing you again to haphazardly navigate gravel in your heels as you give chase. You’re sweating and irritated by the time you’re up the steps and pushing through the front door, a nasty quip on your lips ready until you see your aunt coming down the stairs. 

“Oh thank goodness,” she says, seeing you. She looks older than you remember, the lines of her face deep and the hair at her temples gray. “Come along.”

“What’s going on?” you ask, uncertain as you step into the foyer and let her take your arm. 

She scowls. “Did that useless boy not tell you? Your mother suffered a heart attack this morning. She’s with Dr. Ymir in the medical wing.”

Your heart thuds to a stop as you wheel around to look over your shoulder at Soonyoung. His gaze is stormy but his face gives away nothing as he turns to leave the way he came, slamming the front door and vanishing down the steps to leave you alone. 

“No,” you mumble as your aunt pulls you down the hall. “He didn’t tell me.” 

Because that’s how much Soonyoung hates you. Hate isn’t even the right word, you think. It is something far deeper and far more sinister, fueled only by taking away something that he valued more than anything else in the world and forcing him to live with it. 

I deserve this, you think as the door to one of the private medical rooms opens, a clinical smell hitting you in the face. I deserve everything that happens to me. 

I deserve this. It’s all you can think of as you watch the black casket lower into the ground. Seungcheol stands beside you, his hands linked in front of him. You want to reach out and take his hand in yours, but you don’t want him to look weak. Don’t want others to see him crack like you know he will if you comfort him. 

Instead, you comfort yourself as best you can, which isn’t saying much. You’ve never been good at dealing with your feelings, too much of your mother’s blood running through you. It was your father’s least favorite trait of yours and perhaps Soonyoung’s favorite.

Soonyoung, who has always been your emotional tether and outlet. You’re not accustomed to dealing with grief alone, and the pull of it feels like an undertow threatening to drag you under and drown you. 

Someone shifts behind you, close enough that you feel Yijun next to you stiffen. You turn to look over your shoulder, blinking in surprise as you tilt your head up to see Soonyoung. He doesn’t look at you, dark eyes fixed forward and jaw flexing tightly. He’s standing closer than is necessary, as shown by your husband’s scoff. 

Soonyoung doesn’t move, though. He remains nearly pressed against your back, so close that you can smell vanilla and sandalwood. Turning away from him, you feel your shoulders relax. He ignores you, but he’s there, a stoic guardian that’s just out of reach.

The Tower of the Choi Syndicate is too lost in his grief to notice or care about Soonyoung’s proximity to you. Your brother couldn’t care less, barely realizing that his brother by choice is an inch away from him. But you know Soonyoung is there and that’s all that matters. 

The grief lessens, turning back from churning waters to gentle, lapping waves.

“Your brother doesn’t respect me,” Yijun asserts. You look at him in the bathroom mirror. He’s standing behind you in the closet, taking out glinting cufflinks to replace them in the countertop in the middle of the aisles of clothes. “You should work on that.”

“Seungcheol hardly takes what I say to heart.”

Yijun snorts, detecting the lie before you can even get it out. Seungcheol very much values your insight and opinion far more than he’s interested in Yijun’s. He’s made it clear at multiple parties and events now, often asking you how business is and how the shared Kim-Choi accounts are doing, despite not having anything to do with them. 

Seungcheol hates your role within the Kim family. On more than one occasion he’s recommended Yijun make use of you somewhere in the family business, to make you the head of operation somewhere so that your schooling and experience weren’t going to waste. Yijun asserted that your social skills were being put to perfect use, entertaining the wives of his associates and serving as the perfect host when his business colleagues and friends were over. 

“He’s going to be leading the family soon,” Yijun sighs. “It would be better for us if he saw me as a real ally.”

“He does see you as an ally. You’re married to his sister.”

“Exactly, so you should remind him that I’m family.” It doesn’t sound like a threat, but it also doesn’t sound like a request. Sighing, you shut the drawer in the counter forcefully. It draws his attention, gaze darkening. “Don’t you want your brother to respect your husband?”

No, you think. You don’t respect your husband, so why should Seungcheol?

Instead, you sigh. “Of course, Yi.” He doesn’t soften at the nickname. “I’ll talk to him, alright? He’s got a lot going on. And don’t talk about my father’s health that way.”

“I didn’t say anything about his health.”

“Please,” you snort. “I know what you meant about Cheol taking over soon.” 

Yijun had been talking about Seungcheol more and more. You’ve watched with a sour taste in your mouth as your husband tries to earn your brother’s attention and trust, flashing what he thinks Seungcheol cares about in his face, telling him about the new car he acquired, or the historical art piece you purchased at an auction, and the new apartment building he’s constructing. 

Seungcheol doesn’t give a fuck about any of that. The Choi family never has. Your ancestors didn’t make a name for themselves and carve it on the mountain they built their home on by showing off their wealth and what it could do for them. They did it by earning it, and by remaining steadfast and intelligent. Political. 

Yijun understands none of that. As the eldest son of his family, it’s a shame. The real world of the Syndicates is lost on him. He has enough business acumen to run companies under his father’s careful tutelage and instruction, but he doesn’t have the social savvy for it, the right drive. 

His brother does. You think of Kim Minchan and nearly shiver. The middle child of the Kim family has more than enough understanding of the way that things work, but the ocean of blood behind him is enough for you to prefer Yijun leading the Kim Syndicate any day. 

“I’m just saying,” Yijun grunts, flicking off the lights in the closet. “Your brother has all the reason in the world to respect me and he doesn’t.” He looks at you, face hardening. “Do you tell him not to? Is that what it is? His baby sister tells him how useless her husband is?” 

Danger is in the air. Yijun won’t lay a hand on you, but it doesn’t make this dance any less stressful. You turn away from the mirror, looking at him fully. He’s not terrible to look at - he has a sharp jaw and a broad nose and a pleasant shaped mouth. He’s handsome, even. 

He’s not Kwon Soonyoung. 

Swallowing away the thought, you reach up to put your hands on his chest, placating. “I wouldn’t do that,” you assure him, softening your voice. You hate the sound of your voice, hate the way you pitch it low and gentle. “You’re a reflection of me too. I would never let my brother think any of those things about my husband.” 

Yijun swats your hands away, making you grit your teeth. “Don’t act like a whore. Just - tell your brother. I should be in his inner circle by now. Make it happen.” 

As Yijun leaves the bathroom, the urge to grab him by his collar and yank him back in to smash his head on the counter almost wins. You stare at him until he vanishes in the bedroom, your rage a live, sentient thing. You feel it crawl beneath your skin, slithering and clawing and biting and begging to be let out. 

Steady is the mountain. You take that fire and shove it down. Years of instinct of reacting with your mother’s temper peter out slowly. It’s a shame - you’re the last woman left from her side of the family, the only one who can carry the fire of the phoenix. 

You glare at the bedroom. Somewhere, Yijun lurks, getting into bed. Oh how the shadows of the weak choke out the fire of the strong. 

If killing Yijun wouldn’t risk everything, you’d have done it already. That first month spent with him where you realized this would not only be a loveless marriage, but a hateful one had almost driven you to it. The Choi Syndicate could surely survive a war with the Kim Syndicate - you had better assets, stronger loyalties, and more money. 

But if the Kim family turned to the Yong family… 

Avoiding unification of the Kim and Yong families is why you were married to Kim Yijun in the first place. To murder him now would mean Syndicate war, and despite the fact that every moment with him is hateful and poisonous, you’re too nervous to put your family at risk. 

Especially with your father’s failing health, as Yijun had pointed out. 

Syndicate war isn’t the only thing keeping you from stabbing Kim Yijun until you can’t feel anything anymore. Minchan’s shadow of a presence lingers over your thoughts, one of the few threats you truly fear. Any harm to his brother would elevate Minchan to a position where he could only wield his power more. 

And he’d hunt you like a bloodhound. You’re unsure if there is any corner of the world he would leave unturned if you killed his brother, no matter how much it would benefit him if Yijun keeled over tomorrow. 

Inside your bedroom is dark. It doesn’t feel like your bedroom at all. There’s nothing homey about it, no possession or unique decor, no pictures. You wouldn’t sleep in here at all if Yijun didn’t make you, insisting that he couldn’t trust any of the house staff not to tell your father you weren’t sleeping in the same room. 

Your father doesn’t care. He stopped caring about anything the day you put your mother into the dirt. Even if he hadn’t, as long as your relationship looked functional to whom it mattered, it mattered little to him if you slept in the same room or if you even liked Kim Yijun.

He’d made that very clear the day he tore away your future with Soonyoung. 

Yijun is already snoring when you climb into bed. You grind your teeth, reaching to pull open the nightstand for noise cancelling earbuds and sleep medication. The medication isn’t as strong as the crushed up knockout you might have used previously, but it helps take the edge off without making you vulnerable to attack. 

Which is something you still worry about. 

Setting your phone on silent, you settle in for sleep. It takes a long time, but you finally drift away to thinking about smothering the man next to you in his sleep. 

Something wakes you. Blinking sleep from your eyes, you sit up in bed and look around the room. It’s dark, but you can see the barely-there outlines of the furniture in your bedroom. Next to you, Yijun is gone. You can feel the lack of presence there more than you can see it, reaching your hand over to confirm the bed is cold and that he’s not been there for a while. 

You reach for the phone on your nightstand but can’t find it. Frowning, you press your hand on the cool marble, sweeping back and forth to no avail. You lean further, finger finding the button to the light function on the stand and press down. 

Dim, lavender light halos the top of the nightstand. Your phone is nowhere in sight. It’s just your jewelry dish, a decanter for water, and your sleep medication. You’re pretty sure that you put your phone face down before you went to bed, but you can’t be sure. 

Pulling open the nightstand drawer only makes the back of your neck sweat. Your phone isn’t there, but neither is the gun you keep in the top drawer. Both you and Yijun sleep armed, despite having armed guards on the premises at all times. 

Snapping the drawer shut, you roll to the other side of the bed and pull his open. A book, a watch, some pill bottles and a pack of cigarettes fill the drawer. No gun. 

The back of your neck tingles. You rip the sheets off of you, heading to the bedroom door. The house is mostly dark when you open it, the entire second floor dim. Leaning over the banister, you can see a shaft of light falling across the room, perhaps coming from the kitchen. 

Quietly, you stalk toward the top of the stairwell, trying to reduce noise as you creep down. A high pitched whine rings in your ears, heart thundering. You have no idea why you’re so afraid all of the sudden, especially in your own house, but your instincts tell you to be alert and quiet. 

At the foot of the stairs, you confirm the light is coming from the kitchen. It’s not uncommon for people to be in the house in the middle of the night. Official Syndicate business happens at any time, and often goes into the early hours of morning. 

Tonight, it’s not busy. Before you’d gone upstairs to bed, you’d noted that it was a skeleton crew security team for the night, just a few of them at the gate house and walking the premises while you and Yijun returned upstairs for the evening alone. 

Creeping toward the hallway, you pause when you hear voices. You identify Yijun’s voice right away, holding your breath and straining your hearing as he says, “What do you want me to do here?” 

“Keep her contained. Make sure no one from her family can reach her.”

“I already took her phone and her gun.”

Your stomach drops. “Good.” That’s Minchan’s voice, you realize, dread growing tenfold. “The second she finds out the Tower has fallen, she’ll try to run or her brother will try to get her.”

“Or that psycho fuck,” Yijun mutters. 

“You’d be lucky if it was Seungcheol who came to get her. If Kwon Soonyoung comes looking, call me immediately. We’ll make our move in two hours. We’ve got the biggest team outside the Choi estate ready to go in and we’ve got men and women stationed at all the key points.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit here and babysit my wife?”

“Yes.” Minchan’s tone is nonnegotiable. “We’ll leave the guards at the gatehouse but we can’t spare anyone else. This kind of assault requires everyone. The Yong family will take care of the Pearl District and the Salt.” 

Yijun hesitates. “What about the Yoon family? Are they all accounted for?” 

“Yes. I have a team on the crazy one - what do they call her?”

“Angel, I think.”

Minchan laughs. “Demon is more fitting. Stay here. Stay by your phone. We’ll call thirty minutes before we give the signal to link everyone on comms. We do this right, and the Choi Syndicate is gone.” 

Panic presses in for a moment. Your heart hammers. Your hands shake. Bile churns your stomach. It feels like you can’t get enough air, the pieces of what they're talking about falling into place.

The Tower has fallen.

Your father is dead, and in the wake of the crushing blow, the Kim family intends to strike at yours alongside the Yong family. The realization lands like a blow, immediately slapping you out of your panic. 

Fear turns to rage. Rage turns to ice. You are fire, you are the mountain. 

Steadfast is the mountain, but the fire does burn. 

As quietly as you can, you creep up the stairs. You keep turning over your shoulder to ensure Minchan doesn’t leave the kitchen and catch you creeping back toward your bedroom. When you hit the second floor landing, you all but sprint to your room, gears turning. 

Yijun took your phone and intends to keep you locked in the house until they finish their plan. From their discussion, you know they intend to mobilize within two hours, targeting important members of the Choi Syndicate across the city with the help of the Yong family. 

It means you have only a few minutes to warn your family to respond, to prepare and to fight back or strike first. Which is hard to do without a phone, but your husband doesn’t know you nearly as well as he thinks.

Door closed behind you, you flip the lock on the bedroom door and dash for the closet. The lights above come to life, bathing you in ghoulish, grey light. You dive to the floor toward your shelf holding all of your shoes, the carpet burns nothing compared to the pain starting to bloom behind your sternum where your grief builds slowly under your anger. 

Your father is dead. The Kims are going to turn on you anyway. Your marriage to Kim Yijun to secure alliances against the Yong family was for nothing.

You’ve endured for nothing. 

Snatching a pair of boots, you swallow down the bile again. You will not break now, not when there are more important things than the time you’ve wasted withering away in this cold home. Shoving your hand inside the boot, you come into contact with what you were looking for. Your hand closes around the device, yanking it out and powering it on. 

The screen flashes to life. You press one and hold, hearing the buzz on the phone as it begins to ring. You cradle the phone against your shoulder and ear, nearly sick with the adrenaline that is pounding through you, your vision blurring, hands shaking. 

You grab another shoe, this time reaching inside carefully instead of shoving your hand in. The smooth, bone handle of a knife meets your hand and you wrap your fingers around it firmly, pulling it out. 

Soonyoung answers on the fourth ring. “Where are you?” 

“The Kim family has turned on the Chois. They’re mobilizing for a full scale attack in roughly two hours. The Yong family is helping them. They’re at the estate and all over the city - anyone who is important to us regardless of position will need to be warned. The Yong family is handling the Pearl District and the Salt.” 

“How many men are at Yijun’s estate?” You can hear him moving on the other side of the line, something rustling. Perhaps clothes as he gets dressed. “Are you armed?” 

“There are men at the guard house and one walking the perimeter. It’s just me and Yijun inside, I think Minchan is leaving. I’ve got a knife.” 

“Where are you in the house?” 

“Bedroom, second landing to the right and all the way at the end of the hall. There are windows but they don’t open.” 

“Listen to me,” Soonyoung says, voice like ice. “The second we start moving into position to accept the assault, they’ll know something is off. When that happens, Yijun is going to try to kill you, do you understand?” When you say nothing, he asks again, voice louder. “Do you understand?” 

“Yes.”

“I need you to fight back. Either kill him or hold him off until I’m there.” 

“You need to warn-”

“Don’t worry about the fucking Syndicate! We’ll be fine. You’ve given us more than enough time. I need you to be entirely focused on yourself.”

You take a deep breath, letting it out shakily. “Okay.”

“Do you have frostbyte?”

“Maybe? Yijun might have it in the nightstand.”

“Take some. Not enough to fuck you up, but enough to pump that adrenaline and make your head clear. I will be there in thirty minutes.” 

“Okay.” 

You squeeze the phone, unwilling to hang up. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t heard his voice in months. It doesn’t matter that he hates you, it doesn’t matter that you know whatever used to be between you is broken and it’s entirely your fault. You just… don’t want to hang up. 

“Hey.” Soonyoung’s voice is soft, drawing you from your trembling spiral. “Do what I said. Do the frostbyte and kill him if you have to. I have to go.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you in thirty minutes.” Soonyoung pauses, the silence heavy on the line. “I love you.” 

Nothing breaks you like those words, whispered but firm, whispered in case you die before he gets there. He doesn’t have to say that’s why he’s saying it - you know. You know the chance of him not getting there fast enough is likely and real. He does too, but instead of telling you, he gives you this. 

You whisper back, “I love you.” 

Soonyoung hangs up the phone and you fight a sob. You bring the knife up to your hand, pressing your pointer finger down on the tip. The sting is immediate, making you his in pain as blood beads on the tip of your finger, red and garish in the closet lighting. 

The sting grounds you enough to push yourself from the floor, following Soonyoung’s directions to Yijun’s nightstand. You yank it open, rattling around the contents until you find the bag of frostbyte you were hoping was there. Yijun uses it the nights he attempts to put an heir in you, numbing himself the way you never did, taking your punishment for what you’d done to Soonyoung raw.

Not enough to fuck me up, you think, untwisting the bag and shaking. Just enough to make it easier. 

Dipping the tip of your knife into the bag, you pull out a small lump of the glittering drug. You try not to think about that night at the club all those years ago, when you and Soonyoung were still dancing around one another’s feelings, doing anything you could to get a reaction out of one another. 

You take a sharp breath in. The drug hits your nasal passage and it burns, your eyes smarting as you tilt your head up, cursing and blinking away the tears. It hits the back of your throat, bitter and awful as you cough a little, trying to wait for it to clear your nasal passage.

When the burning subsides a little, you do it again. It’s less harsh than the first bump but still just as awful, making you wonder how the fuck you did this on the weekend with your friends as a teenager. Tossing the back on the nightstand, you stand waiting, closing your eyes and trying to do deep breathing exercises your therapist taught you to calm down. 

Frostbyte works fast. It hits your bloodstream and an electric calm comes over you. Everything comes into sharper focus, the adrenaline pumping as your simmering rage turns to a boil, ready to kick the fucking door down and hunt down Yijun yourself.

Nerves fade away to the background of your mind. You walk toward the door, waiting to the side so when Yijun ultimately kicks it down, you’re ready. 

Ten minutes pass. The entire time your ears are ringing, heart thundering in your chest. You think the frostbyte was a good idea - if you had to wait in silence like this without it, you would have gone crazy by now. Even with the drug, fear nips at your ankles, a hound ever on your tail. 

Yijun’s footsteps thunder up the stairs. Your heart lurches and you inch away from the door, readying yourself. He storms down the hall, fury in each step until he gets to the door and turns the handle. It doesn’t move. He tries a few more times, shaking the door. 

His roar on the other side of the door is loud and feral, making you grin as he thrashes against the door, cursing and screaming at you. The door holds, rattling in place as he slams what you think is his shoulder into it multiple times. 

The bombardment pauses for a second and then restarts ten times stronger. This time, you recognize that it’s his foot slamming into the side of the door. You realize he’s kicking where the door is latched, trying to break it open instead of kicking through it. 

A small crack sounds. You take a breath, readying yourself as you hear another snap go through the door, now rattling loose in its frame. He kicks hard again and the door blows open, nearly smacking you as it does. You roll away from it on the wall, keeping close as Yijun barrels past you, swinging his head from left to right as he looks for you.

It’s your only chance to get the jump on him. You slide from the dark, heart hammering. You’ve never stabbed anyone before, but you’ve practiced. You drive the knife upward, intending to puncture his kidneys. Yijun twists a little to the side, sensing your presence as the knife plunges into his side. 

Yijun screams. Your satisfaction only lasts a second before he throws his elbow backward, catching you in the nose. Pain explodes in your face, blinding you as your eyes water and you stumble backward hands shooting to your face. 

Removing the knife from his side, Yijun screams at you, spit flying as he comes at you. Through tears and warm blood rushing from your nose, you reach for anything to use as a weapon. Your hand closes on the ceramic artwork on the dresser and you launch it at him, hitting him hard in the face. 

The ceramic shatters and he drops the knife. You dive for it but he grabs you by the hair, ripping you upward and backward like a ragdoll. You lose your footing, screaming as he tightens his fist in your hair and drags you toward the bed, tossing you there. 

With a feral shout, you kick your foot forward, catching him in the lower gut. He grunts but wraps his hand around your ankle, yanking you back off the bed onto the floor, where the knife lays. You reach for it, seething, your hands managing to close around it just as he pivots, foot landing against your ribcage. 

Again, pain explodes inside of you. With the frostbyte, you barely recognize it, grabbing the knife and stabbing him in the calf. He shrieks and collapses to a knee, reaching for the knife. This time you rip it back out, nearly losing your grip on the bone handle, fingers slippery with blood. 

You stab him again, this time in the thigh. His knee presses into your stomach, crushing you and forcing air from your lungs. You ignore the pain, stabbing him again and again in the thigh until he falls backward off of you, muscles malfunctioning, tendons give away. 

Yijun kicks out at you with his good leg but you’re already moving, ignoring the way your body is screaming in utter agony, every part of you throbbing and begging you to give up. 

You don’t. You scramble on top of him. His hands shoot up to your throat but you spit at him, a spray of blood blinding him and making his grip loosen momentarily. It’s enough to bring the knife down home again, this time directly in the juncture between his neck and shoulder. 

For a second, he fights back. You hear the wet gasp and he thrashes, but you stab him again. And again and again and again and again -

You think about all of the times that you were forced to submit to him. 

And again and again and again - 

The way he heaved himself on top of you, trying to force a child into you so he could be done with you, the way you’d wish it had been Soonyoung instead. 

And again and again and again - 

The way Soonyoung’s face broke that morning, begging you not to do this to him. 

And again and again and again -

All for the Kim family to turn on the Choi’s anyway, wasting the entire time you’ve spent under lock and key, doing Yijun’s bidding while Soonyoung hated you. Loathed you. Wish you never happened to him. 

Again and AGAINANDAGAINANDAGAINAND- 

Yijun isn’t moving under you. Your hand is warm and wet, the knife becoming slippery as you let it go. It clatters to the floor and you sit backward on his knees. He’s unmoving as you heave, sucking down air that tastes like iron and salt. 

Sweat slicks the back of your neck and down your spine. Somewhere in the house, there’s a crashing noise. You leap for the knife, rolling off of Yijun’s mutilated body toward the door, positioning yourself in a defensive position as feet thunder up the stairs. 

You bare your teeth, knowing this is it. Knowing Soonyoung hasn’t come quickly enough but it doesn’t matter, because you warned them and they are safe. Your penance for destroying him has been paid in half, though never full, and -

Soonyoung appears in the doorway. He looks like an angel from hell, wreathed in shallow light that comes from the first floor, his silver hair stained with blood. He’s in black trousers and a short-sleeve shirt with his favorite band on it - one of his sleep shirts. 

For less than a second, he stares at you. Then, Soonyoung dives at you, dropping the gun in his head and grabbing you. You hadn’t realized that you’d sunk to your knees, looking up at him as he grabs your face, turning you this way and that. He’s asking you a question but you can’t understand him, dizzy and confused and in so much pain that the edge of your vision wavers. 

“Baby,” Soonyoung begs, his voice warped and echoey. “Hey, I need you to answer me. Where are you bleeding?” 

“S’mostly his,” you answer, feeling how heavy your tongue is. Your thoughts are sticky and slow. Concussed, you think. “Maybe broke my nose.” 

Soonyoung’s thumb brushes gently across your cheek, smearing blood. “Can you walk if I help you?”  You think about it. Shake your head. “Okay. I’m going to lift you up, alright? Tell me where it hurts so I don’t hurt you, Baby.” 

“Ribs.” 

“Left or right?” 

You pause, breathing in and feeling the pain bloom. “Right.” 

“Okay, tell me if I hurt you, okay? We’re going to take you home.”

“Thank you.” Soonyoung hesitates at your tone, looking at you. His eyes are vulnerable and open, more raw than you have seen them since you were kids. “You didn’t have to come get me.” 

He stares and stares at you. The world fades a little and Soonyoung lifts you toward him. “Of course I did,” he murmurs, so soft you barely hear what he’s saying. “When you say jump, remember?”

“Where's this?” You mumble, looking out the window at a small home behind high gates.

Soonyoung has been driving for an hour and a half, his silence nearly unbearable as you both left the city. You don’t ask about where you’re going or if everyone is okay - you don’t think you can stomach the answers right now. Not while in the car. 

Rain mists through the window as Soonyoung rolls it down to punch in a code in front of the gate. It flashes green and the metal starts to roll open, revealing a large but modest house - at least by Syndicate standards. He drives through, gravel crunching beneath the tires. 

“Safe House. Very few people know it exists.” 

“Are we in Levin?” He nods his head. You’ve never been to the small town, but you know it’s mostly a vacation village on the coast. “Who does this place belong to?” 

“Me.” You look at him, surprised. “I bought it when you… got engaged.” 

It’s like a stone sinking to the bottom of your stomach. You don’t have to ask why. It was his failsafe for you, a way to get you away from Yijun if you had just asked. 

You should have asked. Should have just thrown it away and called him, should have begged him from your knees- 

Soonyoung turns the car off and opens the door. You open yours, rain pattering against your red skin. He rushes to help you out of the car, hands hovering around you, unsure where to touch. It makes you want to sob. You want him to touch you anywhere - everywhere. 

Instead, he leads you to the house, a hand wrapped firmly around your forearm to keep you upright and steady as you walk up the steps. 

A porch light flickers on. You cringe away from the brightness, squinting through your fingers as the door opens to reveal Vernon standing on the other side. His eyes flicker between the two of you and he nods, stepping to the side to let you in. 

Warmth blankets you as Soonyoung shuts the door. You’re standing in a small entryway with a staircase to the right leading to the second floor. Straight on, the lights are on, revealing a sliver of the living room. You can hear voices pause as they hear the door shut. 

Angel materializes in the doorway, her hair damp. She’s dressed down like she recently showered, her eyes on you as she heaves a sigh of relief. “It’s Hoshi and Baby,” she calls over her shoulder, coming forward. 

Soonyoung nudges you toward Angel gently. “Take her to shower.” 

“Yeah of course.” 

“Where’s Seungcheol?” You ask, turning to look at Soonyoung, who is already looking at his phone, holoscreen lighting up his face. 

“On his way. The main crew is safe.” He hesitates. “We lost Lan, Old Man Vero and Yoon Minji.” 

Your heart seizes, eyes darting to Angel. “Angel, I’m-”

“Jeonghan is taking care of it.” For the first time in years, you hear a note of pain in her voice, raw and real. Angel has - had - a complicated relationship with her step-mother, the matriarch of the Yoong family. “I’ve already satiated my vengeance. This is his. Come on.” 

You hesitate. Soonyoung nudges you toward the stairs gently by the hip, suddenly looking tired. “Go. I’m going to find a doctor for that nose.” 

“Is it terrible?” 

He huffs, trying not to laugh. “No, but it needs to be fixed. Go. Shower.” 

I love you. It’s on the tip of your tongue, right there. I love you. It’s all you can think about, thundering in your ribcage. I love you. It consumes you, makes you freeze up, staring at him. I love you. 

Angel tugs your wrist delicately and breaks the spell. You follow her up the stairs. She’s careful with you, making you take one step at a time. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her so gentle, her eyes softened with worry and her touch on you delicate as butterfly wings. 

Upstairs, she leads you into a room that smells like vanilla and sandalwood. Soonyoung. This room belongs to Soonyoung. You spot his subtle touches, a gaming computer shoved in the corner and powered off. A closet with a metal door that is under lock and key. A single gun sitting on top of the nightstand. 

But what makes the room spin is the touches of you. A teakwood candle sitting on the dresser. Weighted blankets folded at the end of the bed. A bookshelf with all your favorite titles. A jar of saltwater taffy in multiple flavors. 

Angel hesitates by the bathroom door, watching you drink in the room. You turn to her, shaking your head, confused and mouth open. She nods. “I know. I didn’t know either.” 

“I could live and die a thousand times and never deserve him.” 

“I’m not the best judge of character, but I don’t think I believe that to be true.” 

Angel isn’t the best judge of character. But she also doesn’t say things she does not mean. She’s the last person in the world to offer words of comfort, and yet she’s standing in the bathroom staring at you like she can see through you, right down to the very core. 

Maybe she can. Seeing what is rotting people on the inside and sniffing out their weaknesses is what she does best. 

Instead of pointing out where you hurt, she manages to get you into the bathroom. It’s spacious but not grand like what you’re used to - it’s small. Safe. She starts the shower and backs away, helping you get out of your bloody clothing. 

Everything hurts so bad. Your ribs ache, the bruising on them blotchy and horrendous as Angel peels back your shirt. She thankfully doesn’t react - she’s seen worse and done worse. Suddenly, you realize why Soonyoung picked her to help you. She’s steady, her fingers sure as she holds your arm while you pull your pants down.

You don’t dare look in the mirror. From what you can see without it, it’s already bad enough. Yijun hadn’t dealt fatal damage, but you know you’re bruised and covered in dry, flaking blood. 

Angel leaves you in the shower, shutting the door to go sit on the sink, a guardian willing to give you space but ready to help when you need it. Shaking, you shuffle into the stream of hot water, hissing when it hits your skin. 

It’s both heaven and hell. The hot water feels so good on your aching muscles and throbbing pain, but it also hurts when the water taps against your nose, reminding you that it is indeed broken. You suck in sharp air as you slowly begin to work your fingers into your skin, turning the water pink as you wash off the blood. 

Blood that belongs to you. Blood that belongs to Yijun.

Yijun. 

You’re not sorry you killed him. It was satisfying and necessary. But… the weight of your grief comes crashing into you. You could have killed him years ago and ran. Could have gone crawling back to Soonyoung and asked for his help. Could have told him that the only reason you ever agreed to marry him in the first place was to protect him. 

None of it mattered. You bought him a paltry couple years worth of protection and for what? To shackle yourself to a man who thought little of you, who wanted to fuck you until you gave him another version of himself, who wanted to kill you at every moment because he knew you didn’t respect him and because he was afraid of you and the way you command respect from your family, but he never did.

All that time you’d made yourself smaller for him. Held back your bite. Hid your teeth. Mourned Soonyoung everyday, knowing that you’d never touch him again, that he would never kiss you again, that you’d never wake up in the morning when he got home from work and crawled into bed with you.

A potential lifetime of happiness, one of your own making, wasted on a promise that they broke anyway. 

For nothing. It had been for nothing, you’d hurt Soonyoung for nothing, shut him out, promised you would never leave him and threw him away, forced him to jump for you, forced him to leave you when he said he wouldn’t all for nothing nothing nothing nothing notHING NOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHING-

Angel’s arms are around you. You startle, looking up to see that she is in the shower fully clothed, holding you to her. You hadn’t realized you’d been crying - screaming - in the shower. She presses you closer to her, the only way she knows how to tell you that she’s got you. She’s there. She understands. 

You crumble, leaning heavily on her as you let it out, sobbing. Your throat is raw, your face throbbing each time you squeeze your eyes shut. Angel says nothing, content to hold you while her clothes soak up the water, weighing her down as you let out your grief in full, ugly waves. 

Eventually, the water starts to get cold and your tears start to dry up. You sniff and groan, the pain in your face so poignant that it can’t be ignored. Lifting your head from her shoulder, you glance at her boots, soaked and murky red around the edges.

“Can I tell you something?” Angel asks, voice low. You nod. She hesitates, putting the words together before she says, “He’s going to accept you back. He’s going to do it with no conditions, and ask nothing of you. You’re going to want to torture yourself and beg for his forgiveness and deny yourself of him because you think you should be punished, that there is not a god powerful enough to hurt you the way you deserve.”

You blink in surprise. Angel isn’t religious, despite the nickname. She also isn’t overly emotional or wordy. But you see the severity in which she tells you this, see the pain in her eyes. You remember that she has demons far older than yours, ones that have followed her since childhood. 

And she’s right. She reads you like a book, seeing the fucking pain radiating inside of you, the desire to be punished and hated and whipped- 

“Let him take you back.” Her words are firm. “Don’t make him punish you. Don’t believe for a second that Soonyoung wants to make you pay. He doesn’t. He doesn’t care what you did or why. Just… let him have you. You’ve endured enough.” 

You nod. “Alright. I’ll try.”

“Good. Um - can we get out of the shower though? It’s very cold in here.” 

You laugh, immediately followed by a groan. “Please don’t make me laugh. I am in so much pain.” 

“Yeah, let’s go get you some drugs, dude.” 

The three Syndicates of the city are officially at war. Of all the news that has poured in over the last few days, this is the least surprising. When you’d seen Seungcheol that first night after everything went to hell, he’d held you close and promised that he would kill every last Kim in the city.

He had also told you he was proud of you. Not just for surviving Yijun long enough for Soonyoung to come get you, but for being able to warn the family what was coming. Your single warning alone had saved them a great deal and wounded the Kim Syndicate more than you could understand. 

The days following your father’s death are strange. It doesn’t feel like he’s dead - at least, you haven’t truly processed it yet. There are things that demand your attention like being seen by Dr. Ymir for your fractured nose and bruised ribs, and the accounts and logistics of what being at war with the Kim and Yong family truly means. 

On the fifth day at the safe house, you go back home. Seungcheol makes you ride with him, unwilling to let you out of his sight these days. You’re the only two members of the Choi family left, and it’s up to the two of you to rally the troops and remind everyone what the mountain can do. 

Seungcheol replaces your father as the Tower of the Choi Syndicate. Typically there’s a small ceremony to pass the torch so to speak, but there’s no time for that. Seungcheol is buried in problems and trying to maneuver the family into a favorable position, but it’s hard - the Yongs and Kims have been preparing this for a while. 

You’re suddenly given a job again. Fresh in his position leading the family, Seungcheol needs those he trusts by his side, immediately appointing you as the Architect of the Syndicate. There’s no one he trusts more with the finances and the logistics of the businesses under the Choi banner and who have pledged to his family. 

With Yoon Minji’s death, Jeonghan’s takes his rightful side as the Wisdom and second in command to Seungcheol. It’s like you’d always known it would be as a kid, but it brings you no joy to see the two of them together in an office until the early hours of the morning, worn at the edges and sick with the grief they’re ignoring to push forward. 

With no surprise, Seungcheol immediately promotes Soonyoung to the lead military position, rising from Sword to Sentinel in a single night. It’s the same position his father held under your father, and Soonyoung takes it with steely resolve. 

It also means you don’t see him. You move back into your old room at home. At first, it doesn’t feel like your room at all because Soonyoung isn't in it. He had moved into your room when you first started dating, spending two years in that bed with you. Now, he’s taken up residence in his room down the hall, so close and yet the distance feels larger than ever. 

Of all the problems mounting for you to solve, Soonyoung is the most important. You know he shouldn’t be. There are a thousand other things that you need to figure out, like how to assure that the businesses you own in and near the Kim and Yong family territories won’t go under or be attacked, or how to assure that payment to the family won’t increase now that there’s a fight. 

Your days are filled with countless meetings, assuring loyal patrons that the Choi Syndicate will not fall and will not fail them, and that the Choi’s protect their own. You can see the fear in people’s eyes - the city hasn’t had the big three at war in a long time. Already the city officials are cracking down on Syndicate activity to try and establish order. 

It’s farcical at best. 

Squeezing your temples between your fingers, you lean back from the desk in your newly appointed office - which is really just your father’s. It feels weird to be in here. It still smells like leather and sweet tobacco, a little bit of smoke hanging in the air. 

The last time you’d been in this office, you’d fallen to your knees and begged him not to make you marry Kim Yijun. Now you sit at the desk, hanging up the phone as another call ends - not as bad as the first, but not as good as you’d hoped. 

Quickly, you scribble down a summary of the call to give to Seungcheol. You know he’ll read every word you write, determined to hear each concern of those under Choi patronage, whether they’re valid or not. 

At the sound of the door opening, you glance up. Soonyoung sticks his head in, surprising you. You straighten in your seat, heart racing when you take him in. His silver hair has grown longer, tapered a bit at the neck. He’s dressed in all black but he’s clean, indicating that he showered not that long ago. You thought he would be out all day like usual, looking at your watch to see he’s back far earlier than normal.

“Is everything alright?” You start to get up and he rushes to you, hands lifting to help you. “I’m alright. I am well on the mend.”

He chews his lip, nodding before dropping his hands hesitantly. “Everything’s fine I just.” He hesitates. “Do you want to eat lunch?” 

“Oh. Sure.”

Soonyoung’s smile is tentative. Shy. You give him one back, following him out of the office while sending a quick note to Jihoon that you’ll meet with him later. He sends a thumbs down back, less than pleased that you’ve not made time to talk to him about your potential murder charges for Yijun. 

“Are you busy? We don’t have to-”

“It’s just Jihoon.” 

“Ah. He’s persistent, are you sure-”

“I want to have lunch with you, Soonyoung.” 

He blushes and you grin. “Alright,” he murmurs. “When you say jump and all that.” 

That makes you pause. “You don’t have to do anything I tell you.” 

“What?” He stops walking, confused. 

“You don’t have to ask how high if I tell you to jump... I’m wrong a lot of the time. I don’t… want to be that.” 

I don’t want to repeat my mistakes. You don’t say it, but you think Soonyoung senses it when he says, “I’ve always wanted to jump for you. That hasn’t changed.” 

Let him take you back. Don’t make him punish you. 

Angel’s words come back to you so you swallow down your guilt and you nod, giving him a tentative smile that he returns. This time, he holds out his hand to take you in the kitchen. You take it, the feeling of his fingers wrapping around yours both foreign and familiar. 

The way he holds your hand in his makes you tremble. It’s something so simple and benign and yet you’re screaming on the inside, looking at where your fingers twine together like it’s everything, like it’s the only thing. 

Lunch consists of very badly burned grilled cheese. You don’t care because Soonyoung makes it, insistent that he wants to and that he can. He’s good at a lot of things, particularly on the spectrum of murder and weapons, but he is terrible at putting bread, cheese and butter in a pan. 

You eat it anyway, burnt bread and all. He sits next to you, his stool pulled so close that your thighs touch. You want to reach out and brush your fingers across his face, down his neck, through his hair. You want to touch until you’re grabbing, grab until you’re pulling. 

Instead, you let him lead this dance, too afraid to initiate. 

Let him take you back. Don’t make him punish you. 

You don’t, but you can’t let go of the fear of rejection. Can’t bring yourself to toe the line beyond what he’s giving you, which is more than you ever dreamed of. So you accept when he offers to take your plate, fingers brushing over the top of your hand either by design or by accident you don’t know. His touch makes you shiver and he notices, pausing. 

Slowly, you look up at Soonyoung. His eyes are dark and misty as ever, churning with emotion that you’re a little too afraid to read. Instead of taking the plates to the sink, he sets them down and reaches for you, cradling your face in his hands. 

A sob works its way up your throat but you force it down. You will not cry over this. You will not make him comfort you. 

“Are you afraid to touch me?” His question is gentle. You nod, eyes fluttering shut as his thumb brushes back and forth across your cheekbone. “Why?” 

“I… want to so badly. I just want it to be your choice.” 

“I want you to.” You open your eyes. His earnestness is right on the surface of him, rippling for you to see. “I’m dying for it. Please.” 

Soonyoung’s please sounds like that morning he’d begged you all that time ago. It freezes you in place, heart beating like a prey animal in fight or flight. He steps closer, his breath on your forehead when he whispers, “Please.” 

Slowly, you bring your hands up to his wrists. Licking your lips, you place your hands on him. His eyes close. His skin is warm to the touch and you feel him tremble as you brush your hands upward, tracing his forearms, his corded biceps. You brush your fingertips over the sleeves of his shirt and toward his neck until you’re cupping his throat, your thumbs resting against his hammering pulse. 

You close your eyes, remaining still. Both of you remain that way, his hands on your face, yours on his neck. You’re shaking under his touch, feel his breath against your forehead. His fingers add a little pressure to your face, careful not to hurt you where your bruise is finally fading on your nose as he turns you to look up at him. 

Soonyoung licks his lips, eyes open. “There is not a second I didn’t love you.”

And there it is. The admission that he never hated you. You bet he tried - you know he tried. You know the inside of Soonyoung’s soul better than you know your own, no part of him hidden to you even with time. 

“I don’t care why you did it,” he continues. “Not anymore. Not after everything. I don’t care about any of it. I just… want you.”

“Soonyoung-”

“I know you’re sorry. I know you hate yourself. I know there is guilt eating away at you. Get over it, because none of it changes how I feel. I love you. You’re mine. I don’t want to leave you again. You cannot make me.” 

“I know. I won’t make you.” 

“Good.” Soonyoung presses his forehead to yours gently. He’s careful not to knock noses with you too hard, aware of the pain it’ll cause. “I cannot do any of this without you.” 

“I know.”

Soonyoung’s mouth is tentative when it presses against yours. Your grip on him tightens, leaning forward into the kiss. It is everything - the only thing. You feel something wet on your face, thinking that you’ve got another nosebleed, but when you pull away, you realize it’s because Soonyoung is crying.

Crying for the first time since his parents died. 

You stand up from the stool, gripping the back of his neck to pull him toward you. He melts under your touch, letting you meld your mouths together. He tastes like his burnt sandwich and like him, his mouth warm and wet against yours. Vanilla and sandalwood invade your senses, overwhelming as you grip him for dear life, never wanting to let him go.

He doesn’t want to let you go either. His grip on your hips is crushing, fingers digging into flesh and bone as though he can force you to become one. The thought makes you dizzy. You slide your fingers in his silk-soft hair, wrapping the strands around them to pull lightly, pull him closer, pull him to you, pull him back. 

Soonyoung whines against your mouth and you break the kiss, panting. “Take me upstairs,” you whisper between peppering kissing against his mouth, his bottom lip, the corner of his lips. “Please take me upstairs.” 

He does. Soonyoung grabs you by the hands, tugging you toward the stairs that lead to your room - the room you used to share. The room that still smells like him, even if faintly. He takes you to your bed, where you’ve spent hundreds of nights with him, and lays you down gently like he has a million times before. 

Soonyoung touches you like you’re holy. His hands skim over you in worship, they scratch you in penance, they hold you in reverence. He slots himself between your knees, stealing a kiss from you like it’ll breathe new life into him, bare him anew, purge him of sin. 

You love him. You love him you love him you love him you love him you love him -

A moan leaves his mouth when your nails drag down his back. He is quaking under your touch, his mouth hungry but careful against yours, wanting to swallow you whole but knowing you’re hurt. You know he won’t break you but you wish he would.

There’s time for that later. Now isn’t the time for rough and biting. Now, Soonyoung peels the shirt from your skin, immediately covering your arms, chest, collarbones, shoulders in kisses. You vibrate under his touch, lashes fluttering as he sucks at the sensitive skin of your neck, tongue pressed flat to your pulse as he tastes you. 

You tug at his shirt and he complies, leaning upward to toss it. He’s back on you in a second, pressing you close, hip to hip as he tangles his tongue with yours, drinking you in. His touch ignites a fire and you’re burning, a complete inferno as you drag your fingers up the hard contour of his stomach to the firmness of his chest and around to his shoulders. 

“I love you,” he mutters against your mouth, rolling his hips into you. You let out a breathy sound and he groans. “Fuck I love you. I missed you. I love you.” 

“Please,” you beg. He understands, burying his face in your neck and biting down lightly. You feel like you’re going to burn up under him, an out of control blaze while his fingers work the buttons on your pants. “Never let me go.”

“Never.” 

Jeans scrape down your legs, his hands following. He drags his blunt nails down your thighs. Your hips twitch upward, loving the scratch, loving the way he touches you, loving him. He returns his mouth to yours, unable to get enough of your kissing. 

Soonyoung’s hand slips between your thighs, the pads of his fingers pressing against your clit through your underwear. You keen for him, pulling at the long strands of hair at the back of his neck. He moans in tandem, his pleasure driven by yours, loving the way you sound as you start to come apart under the gentle circle of his fingers. 

He only teases you a little, knowing the friction with the fabric between his fingers and your aching cunt isn’t enough. He finally decides that you’ve had enough, hooking a finger to pull them aside, the cool air hitting your sticky folds. 

Before you can complain, Soonyoung’s touch is there. He drags his fingers slow-soft from top to bottom, circling your clit slowly. He’s not in a hurry, dragging it out as he sucks your tongue into his mouth, sliding his fingers back down to press against your entrance but not breach it. 

You whine and he grins, pulling your bottom lip with his teeth until he lets go with a pop. “I love those sounds you make.” 

“Feels good,” you admit, head falling to the side as you close your eyes, enjoying the pressure he puts on your clit, wiggling his fingers back and forth. Your thighs close around his hand but he’s unbothered, drawing more arousal from you as he plays. “Fuck, your fingers.” 

His laugh is throaty and he shakes his head, attaching his mouth to your jaw where he sucks at the skin. He makes himself comfortable with nibbling toward your neck, both of his hands reaching for the sides of your underwear to pull them down. You let him, folding your knees toward your for a moment to help. 

Soonyoung’s hand returns to the wetness between your legs except this time, he’s not teasing. He presses a finger in deep and you whine, hips wiggling. You squeeze down on his finger, pussy spasming as he begins to pump leisurely, like he has all the time in the world.

And he does, doesn’t he? The work is far from done and the world is falling apart, but it doesn’t matter because he’s here with you. Because Soonyoung is yours again - always has been - and because he’s drawing your mouth toward his to kiss you messily, swallowing down your moans as he presses in another finger. 

Now you crumble beneath him. You can’t stop your hips from coming off the bed. You loop your arms around his neck, keeping him close, breathing the same air. He presses his forehead to yours, eyes impossible dark and half-lidded as he hooks his fingers, dragging them against that sensitive spot. 

You cry out his name and he grins. Now he knows where it is, pressing repeatedly as he fucks you on his fingers, driving you directly toward an orgasm. Your breathing becomes labored, your legs squeezing his hips, your fingers digging into his shoulders. It is so good that you think you might die, letting him yank you toward release. 

Soonyoung kisses you again and you come crashing down, cumming around his fingers, body squeezing, ignoring the ache in your ribs and the millions of other places that you’re sore. He doesn’t slow down, scissoring his fingers to pry you open, to stretch you more.

“Soonyoung,” you gasp, voice wrecked. “Soonyoung Soonyoung Soonyoung.” 

“Just like that,” he agrees. You can tell he loves the way you say his name, knows that on your tongue it means something different. “Come on, one more.” 

You’ll give him anything he wants. Never again will you deny him. You let him work you up again, feeling the way your breath gets stuck in your lungs and you shiver, another wave washing through you as you shudder around his fingers. 

When you start to pant, he pulls his fingers out. You feel the wet schlick as he does, immediately hating the way you feel empty, hating the way he leans away from you. Whining, you reach out toward him, needy. He hushes you with a brief kiss, only standing to rid himself of his jeans and briefs. 

Using the fingers covered in your arousal, Soonyoung pumps his cock, smearing a mixture of your slick and his precum down his shaft as he kneels on the bed again, taking his place between your thighs again. You watch with hooded eyes as he rubs the head of his cock through your messy folds, a moan dripping from your lips. 

Soonyoung is beautiful, skin flushed and a sheen of sweat on his arms. His stomach flexes and clenches as he presses the tip of his cock into your entrance, both of you taking a shaky breath together. He slowly slides home, the stretch of him driving you wild, pussy fluttering around him until he’s slotted to the hilt. 

He hangs his head, panting as he plants his hands on either side of your head. He takes a moment to collect himself, shaking. You turn your head to the side, kissing his wrist, peppering any skin you can reach with your love while your hands drift up his back, feeling the muscles flex. 

When he begins to move, you nearly die. It feels so good, your breath lodged in your throat. He lowers his face to yours, kissing you as gently as he fucks you. His thrusts are deep and timed, not hard or fast but slow and measured, pressing all the way in as he uses his weight to his advantage. 

Your fingers turn to talons on his back, nails biting his shoulder blades. He’s precise, the tip of his cock finding the right angle to make you nearly sob in a matter of a few thrusts. It’s familiar. Home. 

Soonyoung lowers himself to his forearms, pressing your chests together. The friction of his skin against your pert nipples makes you squeeze around him, his name a whisper on swollen, kiss-bitten lips. He presses his forehead to yours, breathing shakily as he continues to fuck you.

You feel him everywhere, feel everything that he wants to say. Soonyoung has never needed words to communicate to you and he doesn’t now, the way he shakes as he lets out a wispy moan enough, the way he slides one of his arms under your back to cradle you to his chest, closer closer closer.

He wants to be closer and so do you, arms around his neck, drawing him to you. You never want to let him go, never will let him go. You’ve learned your lesson and this, right here with him is the only thing that matters. 

“Shh,” he hushes. You realize you’re crying, tasting salt on your lips when he brushes his mouth against yours. “I know.” 

“I love you.”

“I know.” 

Soonyoung’s pace picks up only a little bit. It’s enough, sending you careening toward your third orgasm. He can feel it - needs it. He chases after your high, catching your mouth to brush his tongue against yours, rolling his hips until you’re clenching around him, whining into his mouth, lips buzzing against his.

He hums against you, waiting until your pussy lets go of its vice grip to speed up a little bit, the wet smack of his hips against yours loud and lewd, driving him forward until he comes, your name on his lips, his face buried in your neck. His thrusts slow, both of you trembling like leaves until he finally stops, remaining seated inside of you. 

“I will love you for a thousand lifetimes,” he mutters against your mouth, with no intention of moving. “You know that, right Baby?” 

You nod, fingers digging into his shoulder blades. “Leave me at your own peril, Kwon Soonyoung,” you rasp, quoting yourself that first night he finally caved, where he finally told you that he couldn’t exist without you. “I will never go anywhere ever again.” 

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SYNDICATE ROLES

Tower - title for a Syndicate boss Wisdom - title for the second-in-command to a Sydicate boss Sentinel - title for the main military leader of a Syndicate Riots - title for a member of the Syndicate responsible for sowing discord Swords - title for a member of the Syndicate who is a fighter/military role Chariots - members of the Syndicate who make deals/act as business brokers Rooks - members of the Syndicate who collect debts/lead the extortion practices Justices - members of the Syndicate on the legal counsel Hanged Men - members of the Syndicate who betrayed their Syndicate Watchers - members of a Syndicate who are spies/informants Patrons - citizens who pay homage/have an alliance/are under the protection of a Syndicate Vanguard - official members of the Syndicate who don't have specific roles but do work for the Syndicate

[escha-ashengrotto]

His Small But Intimate Gestures

Azul Ashengrotto x GN!Reader

Summary: Azul and his subtle, physical affections for you.

Notes: Established relationship. Azul calls you "sweetheart".

A/N: I wrote this in second person POV but this was actually originally written with Eszul dynamic in mind. I was thinking of my ship when I wrote this a few months back for inspiration. I saw this in my drafts once more and decided to finally upload it :)

Azul brushing your hair out of your face.

You were busy writing on your notebook, comparing the details of your notes to the information on the book in front of you. You were so focused with studying that you didn't pay attention to the stray strands of hair falling to your face. Except for that silver-haired person sitting beside you. His gloved hand reached out to you, brushing the strands of hair away from your face.

"Your hair is getting in the way," Azul said gently as he tucked the stray hairs behind your ear before smiling at you. "There. Now I get to see your beautiful face again."

Azul blowing something out of your eye.

"Ah! Zul. Zul, help!!" You cried out to him. You were walking together with Azul when a strong wind passed by and something got caught in your eye.

"What happened? Why are you crying?!" He asked worriedly at the sudden change in your mood.

"There's something in my eye. It hurts!!"

Azul immediately stepped closer to you, placing his thumb and index finger around your eye. "I'm going to blow on it, okay? One. Two.."

His fingers opened your eye as he blew on it to get the irritant out. "Is it gone??"

You sniffled but felt that the foreign object was gone. "I think so? It doesn't hurt as much anymore. Thank you."

Blinking and gaining more awareness of your surroundings, you realized Azul's face was very close to yours. You felt yourself blushing from the close proximity while Azul took notice of your reaction and smiled teasingly at you.

"I think there's still something in your eye. Let me try again," he said as he inched even closer to you, taking delight in your cute, flustered expression.

Azul leaning his forehead against yours.

You were just relaxing in bed when you suddenly felt Azul's arms wrapped around you from behind.

"Y/N~" He called out to you.

"Zul?" You turned around to face him. "What's wrong?"

He leaned his face closer to yours until your foreheads were touching. You heard a soft sigh escape his lips as he closed his eyes in a relaxed state.

"Azul?"

"Nothing sweetheart. I just.. wanted to be close to you."

Azul stroking your cheek.

You were sharing a story with Azul, talking quite animatedly with the way your hands moved around and your face being so expressive. Azul was completely enamoured by you and couldn't help raising his hand to caress your face. His bare hand made contact with your skin, gliding his fingers gently across your cheek. The moment he did though, he noticed you stopped. A faint blush dusted your cheeks.

"Hm? Why'd you stop?" He asked curiously.

"You know why," you pouted.

"Does it bother you?"

"..no."

"Then keep going, my sweetheart. As you were saying?"

His fingers continued to stroke your cheek affectionately as you resumed your tale. He noticed the brighter shade of pink adorning your cheeks caused by his touch and Azul felt pleased with himself at how you looked so adorable like that all because of him.

Azul whispering into your ear.

"Can I tell you something?" Azul asked.

You darted your eyes to his and saw there was some mischief hidden in those ocean blue irises.

"Hmm.. you're planning something."

"Oh, it's nothing bad I can assure you. I simply wish to tell you something. Won't you indulge me in my request?"

There was something about the way he talked and the way his lips curved into a smile. A devious smile. Still you took the bait, curious on what he was going to say.

"Alright! So what is it?"

He leaned forward to have his mouth close to your ear before whispering, "I love you," and planting a kiss to the outer shell of your ear.

Your entire face felt hot as you blushed deeply. Your hands immediately went to your face and though your eyes were covered, you knew for sure that Azul had that handsome smirk on his face.

Masterlist here!

If you enjoyed this: likes, comments, and reblogs are much appreciated. Thank you for reading!

[dr-solomon]

hey, prada

(🔞) w: (soft&wild) dom!yeonkai × f!reader, anal × vaginal sex, with skirt on, praise, riding, kissing, dirt dirt dirt

You don't believe the cute guys in cheap makeup.

You believe that everyone around them is looking twice at Yeonjun and Kai, even though you've never seen a crowd before.

Their black eyeliner sharpens the gaze, which you think is already intense enough. You lock eyes with Yeonjun more often because of the slightly smoky makeup he sometimes wears. And already Kai seems to be a completely unapproachable person or simply a god. He doesn't care about his surroundings at all and it's like he has his own rules. Yeonjun is a little bit more outside the rules and you feel that he drags Kai along sometimes.

Especially after hearing the rumor that they spend more time in the locker room than anyone else.

Luckily you don't have many friends and you don't hear more of these conversations and lose sleep.

But later, when Yeonjun caught you in a dark place, you were definitely hunted.

The first time you kissed, it felt more amazing than either of you had expected. He pushed you against the wall behind you, placed his hands on the nape of your neck, and let you know how much the taste of you had enraptured him by making your tongues fight. It wasn't hard to guess that he would catch you a second time. But the third time was different. With his right hand on your waist, slowly stroking there, he said breathlessly that he wanted to introduce you to Kai.

Knowing the effect Kai had on you from afar made the offer both exciting and nervous, but it didn't stop you from accepting, even though you'd only been kissing Yeonjun for a few days.

It's a fact that no matter how noble they look and how wild they are, they somehow inspire confidence if they are interested in you. And that's probably what makes them more dangerous?

The apartment they lived in together, so elegant and simple, you weren't sure if it was their little world with little details from them or if this was really their home.

Your meeting with Kai by sitting on his lap and Yeonjun watching this scene from the other corner of the couch with his bright smile distracted you.

During the hour the three of you spent lazily in the living room, neither of them could stop telling you how beautiful you were - and you couldn't stop shifting between their mouths and laps.

They made you wet in the sweetest way you could ever experience in your entire life.

When you took off your top in front of them, your cheeks got so red that when you offered to keep your skirt on, they accepted. Anything you want.

They were usually smiling, but not when they were worshipping your body with their eyes. Not when Kai was watching your breasts, unable to help frowning with all his desire, and Yeonjun was starting to curse a little now.

Soon they were sitting in the middle of the bed, trapping you between their chests, both of your holes filled to the wettest and tightest. As you warmed them up nicely, tons of sensations coursed through your stomach, making you shiver. With every little movement, sweet sounds escaped your lips and Yeonjun is still crazy about it.

“Have you ever done anything like this before?” Kai spoke as his bottom lip brushed against your nipple and you squeezed his hair, he stuck his tongue out as he put the question mark.

“N-no.” You closed your eyes and felt his warm tongue pressing against your sensitive skin. Seeing how your back tensed, Yeonjun gently gathered your hair in his hands and pressed his lips to the nape of your neck. When you dripped some juice right afterward, you could feel the kiss turn into a smile on your skin. As you sigh, his one hand settles on your stomach, pressing your back against his chest.

“And did you like it?” Kai asked now as he lifted his head to look at your lips. His hand came up to brush the hair back from your face and when you nodded at him, his thumb slid down your cheek and pressed against your bottom lip. “Me too, sweetheart.” he watched as his fingers traced the line of your lips. “You're so beautiful...” His voice was deep and warm, going straight to your stomach. "Come on, turn toward Yeonjun for a bit." whispered as he kissed warmly under your chin.

Those few seconds when you move away between them and got off their cocks made you dizzy and uncomfortable. You hurriedly climbed back into their laps.

Yeonjun grabbed you around the waist. “My love...” Your sensitive holes filled as Yeonjun slowly sat you down, sliding with a wet sound. When this intense feeling of fullness hit differently this time, your forehead pressed against his. “Ah-”

Kai's hand, now reaching behind you, slowly went under your skirt and found your clit. “Ahh...” Yeonjun approached your parted mouth and licked your bottom lip. One hand tangled in your hair as you squeezed his shoulders and joined in the wet kiss. Kai rested his chin on your shoulder and began to slowly circle your clit.

Yeonjun's hand in your hair gently turned your head to the side and brought it closer to Kai. And as the two of them together licked your lips filthy, your dripping pussy clenched around them over and over again.

“I- I can't-” Your nails dug into Yeonjun's shoulders, your eyebrows furrowed with the intense feeling that was now becoming overwhelming.

“Are you close?” Yeonjun asked, looking down at your skirt for about two seconds when you nodded in approval quickly. This time Kai's little smile was against your neck. Before slowly biting it there.

At this point, Yeonjun could not resist the urge to slowly lift your skirt with both hands. His eyes first widened and sparkled with desire. Your clit, lazily circled by Kai's middle finger, and the contractions and relaxations of your pussy, which had swallowed his cock to the hilt just below... Behind it all, the wetness glistened so beautifully. “Oh, baby...”

Now you unconsciously started to squeeze them both harder because of his watching. “F-fuck...” Yeonjun hissed and Kai suddenly grabbed you with his palm, making you jump slightly.

All the deep breaths you were trying to take were interrupted by their cocks stirring your gut.

Kai's warm hands adapted to the warm surface of your waist, while Yeonjun cupped your thighs nicely and made you move slowly. You pressed your lips together and began to rock your hips slowly. As you rode them at the same time, the warm sensation spreading across all three of your stomach was unparalleled. All that fullness pumping dirty into you every time your body lifted up pressing against Yeonjun's shoulders and you looked amazing as you eagerly shake your hips against them in a sweet rhythm.

“God...” Yeonjun's grip weakened a little. “Am I r-really... not allowed to see it?" he muttered under his breath as he looked at your skirt. Inside you, they're harder and harder every time you bounce.

Kai's sharp breaths hit your back, sending goosebumps down your spine. He didn't pull his face away from your neck. “You smell so good.” he murmured against your skin and you turned your head towards him. This time your eyes met as you sat on their lap, squeezing around them madly.

You could only see Kai's eyes widen for a second as he gripped your hips so hard that your body shook and fell against Yeonjun's chest. A crying sound came out of your mouth as he immediately lifted his hips for yours and hit you from the back.

Yeonjun smiled and whispered as he combed your hair back with both hands. “You don't want to play with him.”

Taking you by the hands, he helped you sit upright again and his left hand gently cupped the back of your neck, resting his warm open mouth on your neck and licking your skin, savoring the taste he loved.

Then they hold each other's hands on either side of your body in synchronization and you put your hands on their hands and start jumping like this.

Every position you can feel like a princess.

All the praise and encouragement made the orgasm even crazier than it already was and certainly not just once.

©dr-solomon 2025 💪💪💪

[unknownogre]

( I got a little inspired from Facebook...and was just able to sit down today to write it. I approached it not exactly from the prompt's direction too but that is the scene that popped in my head.)

“Well…I have to ask, am I dead?”

Moments ago I was just sitting at my desk sipping a cup of coffee playing a lovely game of slaughter the Nazi when I found myself suddenly not there. Still had my coffee in had though, Deadpool pajama pants for the whole damn world to see no shoes and, I’m sorry to those that had to see me, no shirt. Someone was standing in front of me too, lithe build with a very baggy hoodie and baggy pants on wearing some kind of sneaker and a face that was obscured by shadows that were impossibly dark for the time of day and location.

“No, finish your coffee and let’s go.”

Fuck…people were walking around us like they didn’t notice me or them. The voice of the person was androgynous and a touch echoey. I knew one thing in this moment, without introduction and without me even having to ask the question, in my bones I knew this was Death. THE Death the primordial force that will exist until the end of the universe.  So weird, I wonder if they developed that power just to make it easier.

“Alright, fuck it. Not like I have a choice do I…?”

I already hate this. I’ve got body issues, most fat guys do no matter the praise they get. Fuck, I hope I don’t have to fight anything. I have no idea how I’ll do. I don’t fight, no one wants to fight me so I’ve never had to.

“No you don’t have to fight. Maybe, I’m not sure. People handle the situation differently. I’m just Death, I don’t know the future or the past. Think there is a time you’re supposed to die? Absolutely not. Chaos my friend. Complete Chaos.”

That…honestly that made me feel a lot better about a lot of things. Though to delve into that right now would completely pull my focus away from whatever this is.

“Why me?”

I had to ask as we walked another block. If Death was powerful enough to just pull me out of my living room I figured we could at least get closer, though…my feet don’t hurt even though they are bare so that is good at least.

“In a two-thousand-mile radius of my current problem your soul was the only one that matched what I needed…what ever that is. I don’t know have exact details. I just know when I problem arises and I need help I concentrate and the one who is best able to help just appears to me like a blip on a radar.”

Well…it is nice to be needed right. I mean I doubt that is the case, I’m not that special. I’m just me. I took another sip of my coffee.

“What do I get out of this?”

I don’t work for free. I’m completely convinced when given any modicum of power I’d go full on super villain. I know at my core I’m evil, just the kind of evil that still wants to protect those that love and cherish. Touch my wife and I’ll burn the whole damn world down, same for my kid. So again, I wonder why I was the blip.

“A favor.”

That was all Death needed to say. I get a favor from Death, I mean I bet there are rules and what not attached to it, but who wouldn’t want a favor from Death. That was enough for me.

“And lunch. A favor and lunch and you have yourself a deal.”

Death stopped and turned around to look at me, I could feel the weight of their gaze too but I just stood there and stared at where I thought their eyes would be crossing my arms across my chest with a smirk…Never take fully what is offered. Ask for just a little more.

“You got it. Cause I know what you want…hell I want it too. A favor and lunch.”

That was good enough for me. Almost made me forget I was shirtless and barefoot in a large city. We approached a hospital and headed right in. We passed the nurses station, and I was able to grab a scrub top much to their confusion. I felt better with a shirt on at least. We went up to the morgue…and there…holy crap.

It was some kind of creature, twisted with pitch flesh and blood ooze from various places, like self-inflicted wounds. It was just roaring and trying to smash through things it couldn’t fully interact with. There were some forms in the corner cowering in fear…ghosts? I don’t have time to question everything.

“Calm them down.”

…wait…what?!..

It was just a roaring beast that was at least six feet tall. I think it was meant to be bi-pedal but it was only that way sometimes. Like how some movies show werewolves, like they can walk a few steps until they want to run and then it is down on all fours.

“Well…fuck. Okay. Hey.”

I started waving slightly. The creature made a swipe for me but It was slow I was able to step back to avoid it. The ‘mission’ was to calm them down. Calm, not hurt, not subdue but calm.

“HEY!”

I said again, but this time with the power of dad voice. I didn’t like using it much, unless we were outside and my kid was about to run into a parking lot or something just as dangerous. I have NO information to go off of. Death wasn’t a planner were they? The creature’s attention was fully on me now. Good, that is what I needed…not what I wanted though. I knew I wasn’t dead now because my heart was hammering in my chest.

“Knock it the fuck off okay. You are scaring the shit out of these other people. What the hell is going on anyway? I’m sure being dead sucks but this…this can’t be good for you, can it?”

The creature seemed to understand my words if only for a moment before it roared at me. Its mouth…chilling. Elongated like a wolf but the teeth…they were human. I could make money on this if I could get into practical effects and recreate the look.

What to do. I had to use a chair to keep it back and out of swiping range. I don’t think I can actually die here…but maybe no risk no reward.

“This can’t kill you, but if it manages to hurt you too bad I am SOL and will have to destroy it completely. I don’t want to do that so I brought you.”

So it was a soul, something twisted and probably not evil. Otherwise there would be no sympathy. I need more compassion. The  creatures attention was still on me and all those cowering in the corner were watching with rapt attention. There is a lot of rage here, so much anger, and where there is anger there is sadness. Okay…okay…got it.

“Hey, we are just gonna talk alright. I won’t yell anymore. Just calm, just calm and cool. Listen I can’t help you right now. Not with all this rage and aggression. Trust me. I want to help you. I get nothing out of the situation if you are harmed. What happened? Why are you so angry?”

It took another swipe at me. Fuck…this thing is strong, almost knocked the chair out of my hands. It was hurt, even it was just by itself. When I met its gaze I could see such sadness. Rage and sadness. I got you.

“Hey. Listen, I am here for you, okay? I am here for you. Not Death, not these people in the corner, you and just you. Fuck any reward…fuck anything else okay. Just me and you here. I am your friend. No one touches you unless they step over my literal dead body, which isn’t even HERE so they are screwed trying to find it. You don’t deserve this, what ever this is. So talk to me. Let me help you, that is all I want right now.”

That caused the creature to pause and look at me. Tears welling up in its eyes. I see why I was called. Most people wouldn’t look in its eyes, they couldn’t see the pain there. They’d see the twisted muscle, the claws…they’d be hostile. Monsters were fantasy for me until I was brought here.

“I…they…momma…MOMMA!”

It cried and looked around panicked. This is a child. THIS IS A CHILD! Thank gods I didn’t hit it, and now I know why the dad voice caused it to pause. I wonder if these souls were trying to help before or where they just trying to leave after they died? Hard to say.

“Hey kid…calm down. Shhhh I got you okay. You want to see your Mom once more. We got you okay. Did they take you and here away at the same time?”

The kid seemed calmer now, just tears streaming from its eyes. They nodded and seemed to wrap their twisted arms around themselves, rocking a little bit. Certainly a kid. I sighed for a moment.

“Would you like a hug? I can give you a hug if you’d allow. Sometimes its nice to just get grounded. I’m a dad, so I can only imagine how it is being separated from your mom. I give the best hugs too, I’m like a teddy bear.”

That is why my daughter said when she was younger anyway. Daddy bear hugs. The child looked to me hesitantly and then nodded slowly. I got up from the chair and I moved slowly. I had no weapons, I’m a big dude but people say they aren’t scared of me. I like to think I’m not scary normally anyway. When I got close enough I just wrapped my arms around them. Sure some of their spikes went into my skin, hurt like a bitch too, the blood smelled terrible as well…still though. Sometimes a hug is what the doctor called for. The kid just started to cry. Its massive head put on my shoulder and nestled into the crook of my neck like my daughter did plenty of times when she was little. I felt they shift, the sound of…gods I don’t know, snapping bone and such was heard all around. I just closed my eyes and held the kid for as long as they squeezed me back.

Soon, I was holding a five year old boy who was finally calming down from all the crying. The holes from the wounds and claws were still there on my body but he looked alright. Oddly I wasn’t bleeding…wonder if that was Death’s doing? Or do I not bleed if I’m not solid? Too many questions I’ll leave for another day.

“Can you take us to his mom?”

Death just nodded as I held the kid in my arms. We left the morgue and went to a hospital room where the kids mother was. She was alive, but badly hurt. Apparently there was a car accident, they got hit by a drunk driver. The kid was dead just after arriving. Freaked out when he couldn’t find his mom. I held him for a while.

“Momma will be okay?”

He asked me and I looked to Death who nodded with a touch of a shrug. I know, chaos on all that stuff, suddenly I was a little less reassured.

“She’ll be okay little one. Best thing you can do is let Death take you to the next world, be as happy as you can. Your mom will cross over eventually, and then you two can play. Just be happy and play as much as you can in the meantime okay?”

The little boy nodded and I set him down, he walked to his mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek before turning to go hold hands with Death. Sudden I was back in front of my desk…wearing the scrubs top my coffee cup filled to my liking.

“Get dressed. Lunch is gonna be in an hour.”

I heard Death’s voice in my mind. I could only grinned. I was about to get my favorite sandwich on the planet, that alone was worth it. Still, I would have done it for free if there was nothing Death could give me. That kid needed the guidance. I wonder how many have crossed over and looked to reunite with someone but couldn’t due to held back rage and depression. That…that breaks my heart.

“Also thank you. You were certainly the best pick.”

I smiled at that, again…feeling useful was nice. Well time to get dressed, I wonder how Death will get me half-way across the country to that sandwich place? I don’t care…number 15 here I come.

[thotsandbaddies]

For our 10th anniversary, my wife and I booked a trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for a week. We stayed at an all inclusive hotel on the beach. My wife had spent the 7 months before our vacation getting into the best shape of her life. She specifically bought the skimpiest bikinis she could find to show off her hard work and the idea of everyone checking her out in her tiny g strings was driving me crazy.

Part of our hotel package was “an outdoor adventure”: scuba diving, parasailing, or a jungle tour. We settled on jungle tour, which consisted of us and a group of 12 other people taking a donkey ride up a mountain and then into the jungle to a waterfall where they filmed the movie Predator. Once there we hungout for a while and went swimming. My wife wearing a black one piece bathing suit thong cut really high on the sides that showed off her entire ass. Needless to say she was getting a lot of attention, especially from our guides. A group of them basically stared at her the entire time talking and laughing to each other. I don’t speak any Spanish, but my wife took 2 years in highschool and spent a summer in Spain after her senior year. I could tell from her expression she was listening intently, i asked her what they were saying and she said it was nothing.

Once we got back to the hotel my wife immediately wanted to have sex. She was beyond soaked as soon as we started. I asked her what got her so worked but she was too into it to talk. I decided to pry, “was it what our guides were talking about?” She said yes. I told her to tell me what they said. She admitted they had all been taking about her the whole time. How they wanted to fuck her up her big round ass. “And that got you hot huh? Thinking about how if you had been all alone with them how they would have grabbed you and ripped your bathing suit off and taken turns sticking their cocks in your mouth, your pussy, and especially up your ass!” She screamed out yes, and i took that as my signal and flipped her over on her stomach, got down behind her and put my tongue up her ass long enough to get it wet and then climbed on top of her and slowly slid my cock all the way up her tight back door. It had been years since we had done this but she had never been into it like this. I described in graphic detail how they would have all taken turns with the curvy gringo slut, pounding her fat ass and calling her a slut. She played with her clit furiously while i slowly fucked her in the ass until she encouraged me to go faster. Before long we both came. The rest of our trip we mostly just had anal sex and played out different scenarios where she was taken and punished by other people at our hotel that we noticed were checking her out. It was the hottest sex we had ever had.

Still to this day, if i am in the mood for her ass all i have to do is mention our old tour guides and she gets into. So thanks to those horny fellas for all the great fucking they inspired.

[turtletoria]

i wanted to try drawing older Mabel and Dipper !

[cicide76536]

Wouldn't it be cool to have a bar with your friends like they have in those TV shows?

This was one of my art pieces for Dragon Age Create-a-Thon 2024 and I had so much fun making it!

[shokupanko]

First Fukase Friday of 2024! This one took 5hrs lol I wanna to be so extra (─‿─)

[ifindus]

1660 - Cavalryman - Several wars under Denmark against Sweden.

1697 - Gunner - pre-Great Nordic War under Denmark against Sweden.

1774 - Skiing Soldier - pre-Theater War under Denmark against Sweden.

1785 - Infantryman - pre-Great Northern War under Denmark against Sweden.

1808 - Coast Guard Officer - Napoleonic Wars under Denmark.

1845 - Infantryman - pre-First Schleswig War under Sweden against Germany.

1855 - Infantryman - during the Crimean War (Sweden-Norway debated joining the UK and France against Russia).

1905 - Hunter - preparing for wars of independence against Sweden.

1914 - Engineer Officer - First World War.

1940 - Infantry Officer - Second World War.

[ghostgryme]

they are both WAY too happy about this situation…

[totally-not-an-awkward-okapi]

On earth-616, The Outlaws are a short lived team of reformed Spider-man villains (Prowler, Puma, Silver Sable, Rocket Racer, and Will o’ the Wisp or Sandman) trying their best to clean up their acts and be heroes.

…But what does that make them on an earth with no Spider-Man?

[luckylunatix]

I've been making a bunch of random monster OCs in Monster Girl Maker and one I ended up making was this zombie nurse/doctor.

Her name is Dr. Amber Lazarus, aka Dr. Lazarus or Dr. Amber. Some important points about her character:

Her death seems to have taken a toll on her sanity, but certainly not her medical knowledge; though her methods are certainly uncouth, she has a high success rate and always immediately determines the exact problem a patient has.

She cares so much about her patients. Even as she's treating them in the most out-of-pocket ways, she makes sure they're as comfortable as possible. Her personality is tender and even a tad timid, if a bit, well..... eccentric, to say the least.

She's covered in her own injuries that will never fully heal now that she's dead, so she covers what she can in bandages for protection.

Even before someone comes to her for medical attention, her nose will start bleeding as an indicator that someone needs help.

Under the cut is how she originally looked when I designed her in MGM2:

[2000sanimeop]

ｌｉｔｔｌｅ　ｇｏｏｄｙ　ｔｗｏ　ｓｈｏｅｓ finally 100%'d 💪 I can now play FF7R2 with a clear conscience

[sehtoast]

shoutout to The Boys for revolutionizing superpowered smut