#so tired of my retainer being so shit

[tchotchkez]

-_-

my teef hurt...

[mzcain27]

I don’t think the survey I just did appreciated me ripping on ads for being a scourge on this planet

[islandofsages]

hey, I could ask the royal boys (Leona, Kalim and Malleus) with the male reader who is already the king of his country, like the boys thought he was a prince like them, but then on any given day he lets out a complaint how difficult it is to govern the kingdom and study for exams at the same time, sometimes he just wanted to be the prince and not the king.

characters: leona, kalim and malleus x king!male reader

tags: platonic, canon compliant, fluff, imagines + scenario format

warnings: a little bit of negativity towards reader in leona's part, a bit of swearing in kalim's

author's notes: loving all the male reader requests rn. i think i strayed a bit from the prompt but i hope you like it anyway <3

Leona Kingscholar

Though being a prince himself, he’s not as “diplomatic” with the other princes at that school - except for you probably. No don’t ask him what happened, he’s ready to accept it as it is

At least because of your (assumed) status, he finds it easier to communicate with you; at least you’re not one of the top five most powerful mages in the world or the most optimistic person in Twisted Wonderland

Hangouts with him still consist more of silent chilling though; both of you just need to get away from it all for a while

He doesn’t question the days that you’re gone - sometimes people just end up needing you to do this and that. He tries not to dwell on it too much, lest his inferiority complex gets the best of him

Until one day, you come back after one day of absence, which is normal enough until-

“*sigh* I swear, being king is less appealing as my retainers make it sound, especially since I also have to go to school all the while.”

I’m sorry, being what now?

He knew you were royalty, that much he got from everyone whispering about you back when you enrolled and since you made little mention of your background, he just assumed you were a prince like him

You let out a tired chuckle then and comment on how you forgot that you never told him you’re an actual king of a nation

He has mixed feelings over this - he thought he finally met someone a little bit like him, yet you’re just another one of them and you never bothered telling him who you are?

But don’t worry, he gets over his feelings of betrayal after a while; it’s not like the reveal changed who you are as a person. You’re still the same guy who he’s been hanging out with and he knows his brain is trying to defend itself

You apologize for not telling him sooner and despite your complaints, you try not to sound ungrateful, especially considering his issues

At some point, even Leona himself starts to forget about that fact

It doesn’t matter if you carry a whole nation on your shoulders because - and he will never say this out loud - he knows you’re capable and if you start to crumble, he’ll be there for you.

Kalim Al-Asim

Though he’s not one to really care about someone’s social status, he’s happy to have more royal friends

Doesn’t stop him from spoiling you. Haven’t you heard? Any friends of Kalim are also friends of his many, many fortunes

He invites you over to Scarabia for parties every so often and either you are surrounded by people or everyone leaves you alone out of intimidation

But hey, if the latter happens, Kalim is more than happy to help you make some friends (unless you’re uncomfortable with it of course but he’ll still try to help)

One time, at one of his many parties, you two were simply laughing over something and it reminded you of something-

“That makes me think of the time this creature took a shit on my throne back at home - it took a few days for the stench to fade!”

Oh, of course, your throne! Everyone totally has a literal throne back home! Until Kalim realizes that is, in fact, untrue

As if he wasn’t already excited at the prospect of a new friend, he gets more excited at the fact that you have your own throne and is, he concludes, a monarch

You brush him off, light pink decorating your cheeks, saying that it’s not really that special - and you mean it

You tell him of the experience and you couldn’t help slip in a few complaints; it isn’t easy to juggle both school and royal responsibilities at the same time

He only listens in and tries his best to understand; he is no king, and though he is a housewarden and a prince, your struggles differ from his by a long mile

From that day on, he makes sure to check in on you and if you’re feeling less than, he’ll drop everything and do anything to relieve you of your stress

When he drops by your nation and your palace, he brings in a whole parade. It’s so Kalim that you can only laugh

You knew that story about a creature shitting on your throne was gonna be a good story at parties.

Malleus Draconia

Your presence is an absolute delight to him; it didn’t occur to him to ask what kind of royalty you are but it didn’t matter either way

He finds himself more comfortable talking about his heritage around you, knowing that you can somewhat relate to being of nobility

If you’re not part of his club, sometimes you tag along on his gargoyle crusades for the hell of it - seeing him so passionate about something brings a smile to your face

On one of your many escapades, he points out a gargoyle and begins to ramble about its features

Hearing it suddenly makes you remember-

“Ah gosh, I just remembered I should be back home right now, some of my people will be coming over to construct some gargoyles around my castle.”

He doesn’t question it at first but then the phrase “my people” registered in his mind. Wait, what do you mean your people?

You start to apologize for not telling him and also the fact that you have to leave that very moment

After you came back after the whole ordeal, you sit him down somewhere and tell him about your position

As mentioned, it doesn’t matter to him what responsibilities you have, as long as you can be his friend

You breathe out a sigh of relief and invite him to continue where you two left off last time

Nothing changes much between you two, except for the fact that you share more of your kingly experiences

He definitely drops by your place at least once - he could never miss out a chance on seeing some new gargoyles

And as he looks on at those beautiful waterspouts, you can’t help but be grateful that they can serve as a source of happiness for someone too.

[peachsukii]

Burn Out

『♡』  pro-hero fem!reader  x pro-hero bakugo ╰➤ ꒰ pro-hero au | engaged | aged to 23 | bakugo POV! ꒱ -`✧ katsuki bakugo masterlist 

summary: Japan’s #4 Hero, Dynamight, is holding (forced by his agency) a meet and greet with fans - for the fifth time this year - by popular demand. The only difference? It’s three hours longer than the previous four. tags & warnings: fluff, soft bakugo, pro-hero bakugo, reader has a quirk & is also a pro hero, reader & bakugo are engaged! a/n: i thought the idea of reader waiting in line every time he has a meet and greet was such a cute gesture and relaxes him when he’s overwhelmed by fans :) ꒰ Ao3 version | word count; 1,300 ꒱

“I really gotta do this shit for 4 hours?!”

“Sorry, Dynamight. It’s standard hours for meet and greets, plus you get the exposure to retain popularity amongst the public.”

God, what a fuckin’ joke.

How the hell does Deku do this all the time? I’m not a people person, end of story. I’ll sign shit and let them sell it, but actually meeting people? My goddamn nightmare. Especially the damn fan girls, they’re rabid fuckin’ animals. I hate when people only see me a piece of goddamn meat and not a top rated hero.

“Why are you still here?” This agency lady is really pissin’ me off. What the hell else does she want from me?

“Just going over the logistics. You’ll be hosting at a store in Shibuya Crossing from 1PM to 5PM tomorrow. You’ll be doing signatures on pre-approved official photos. We’ll meet at the agency at noon and you’ll get suited up.”

I hate these stupid publicity pricks.

“Can’t I just sign ‘em and you sell ‘em? I really gotta do it in person?”

“No can do, you know the process by now. The hours are just extended to allow as many fans access as we can.”

Why the fuck do fans need “access” to me? They don’t. I’ve got better shit to do.

“Whatever. See ya tomorrow.”

───

It’s almost 1PM and I’m already fuckin’ over being here. Nonstop “do this, not that,” “don’t take too long,” “don’t accept large gifts,” blah blah blah. It’s a damn signing, not a conference, I shouldn’t need to follow some stupid rule book.

“Before settling in for a grueling four goddamn hours, I gotta call my fiancé.”

“Make it fast, you’re set to start in 15.”

Was it an excuse to talk to her? Hell yeah it was. I didn’t need to call her for shit, I needed to get the hell away from that agency lady before I said shit I can’t take back.

Really wish she could sit here with me instead of with the agent with stick up her ass.

───

[y/n] Hey babe, what’s up? I thought your meet and greet was happening now? [Bakugo] Yeah, in 15 minutes. I needed to step out before I sit here for four fuckin’ hours. What are you up to? Sounds like you’re outside or somethin’. [y/n] Nothing really, grocery shopping and boring stuff. Are you nervous? [Bakugo] Me, nervous? Fuck no. I just don’t wanna be here for that long. It’s exhausting. [y/n] I don’t blame you, the last few were much shorter. Do you need me to bring you anything? [Bakugo] Even if you did, I don’t think they’d let me take it from ya. [y/n] That’s so annoying. It’s not like I’m a stranger. [Bakugo] Y’would think so. Fu-dammit, sorry baby, but I gotta cut ya short. This agency bitch has been breathin’ down my neck all week. [y/n] It’s alright. Make sure those fan girls don’t take all of you, I still want my share of the number 4 hero! [Bakugo] Hah, y’know you’re the only one who gets that. I’ll talk to you later baby, love you. [y/n] Love you too, good luck!

───

I. Am. So. Fucking. Tired.

If I hear another person screech over me just looking at them? I’m gonna lose my damn mind - and it’s only 2:30PM.

“Dynamight! You’re my favorite hero, thank you for signing this!”

At least most of the kids that showed up weren’t loud and annoyin’ brats.

“Thanks, appreciate th’ support.”

I’ve signed my name so many damn times that it’s starting to look like gibberish. They wouldn’t even let me use a stamp or some shit like that. Y’think that would appeal to their “access” plan if more people could come and go if it meant signing this shit faster.

───

3:45PM.

Fifteen. More. Minutes.

Exhausted is a goddamn understatement. I don’t wanna talk to anyone for the next 24 hours when this is over.

I’m grabbing the next poster from the agent, tunnel visioned on gettin’ the fuck outta here, when a familiar voice catches my attention.

“Hiya Dynamight!”

I can’t help but laugh. Did she really stand in line this whole time?

“The hell you doin’ here?”

She’s dressed head to toe in my merch - sweatshirt from the winter line, joggers from the athletic set, even her damn shoes are the limited release sneakers from the crossover line with Deku.

“Just supporting my favorite hero. I’d love if you could personalize my poster.”

God, I love this woman.

“Hah, y’got it.”

To my favorite hero, y/h/n, my shining star - love, dynamight

I slide it over the table to her and the look on her face is priceless. Her smile never fails to brighten my day, no matter how shitty it is. Really feels like no one else is here but her in the moment.

“This’ll be worth at least $50 online. Thanks!”

“Hey! That’s special, idiot.”

“I’m kidding, Ka-Dynamight.”

“Did ya wait in line this whole time?”

“I did! I wasn’t shopping earlier, I was in line for you. I wanted to support my soon-to-be husband.”

The high school girl behind her makes a face when she says “husband.” It’s not like our engagement is a damn secret. Can’t help but shoot her a dirty look, hoping she gets the “fuck off” memo.

“Dynamight, 5 minutes until we wrap.”

“Back off! It’s my damn fiancé. I’ll take as long as I want.”

All I wanna do is jump over this table, throw her over my shoulder and blast our way home. Dive onto the couch, crammed together against the cushions and pass the fuck out to the sound of TV static.

“It’s okay, I’ll let you go.”

She leans over the table to whisper, “I’ll see you at home, baby. Love you!”

I don’t really care who hears. I shouldn’t have to fuckin’ whisper to my soon-to-be wife in public.

“Love you too. Thanks, sweets. You’re the best.”

Fuck, her ass looks damn good in those joggers. I’ll never get tired of watching her walk away. The way she sways her hips when she walks is dangerous game for me.

“Alright, Dynamight. Last one.”

Thank fucking god.

“Hey, thanks for-”

“Was that your fiancé?”

These damn high school girls are such a pain in the ass.

“…yes. What of it?”

“Isn’t she, like, number 42 or something super low ranked?”

Not fallin’ for whatever shit she’s trying to pull. I sign the poster and slide it over to her, hoping she shuts the hell up and leaves.

“What, I can’t get a personalized photo like her?”

Well, she asked for it.

“Fine, give it back.”

number 42 and still better than you. fuck you - dynamight

I shove the poster back to her roughly on purpose, crinkling the edge against her stupid long claws-for-nails that were tapping impatiently on the table.

“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Learn some damn manners.”

I don't feel any remorse as the stupid agent starts scolding me for "mistreating fans." The brat had it comin', what can I say?

"I'm outta here. Later."

"Wait, Dynamight, you need to -"

"No, I don't. Not my problem. I'm done."

───

Finally, home sweet home. "Hey baby, I'm home."

"Hey Kats! Made you some early dinner on the stove and the blanket is nice and toasty for you."

When did she even have time to do that? It's only been 45 minutes.

"Damn, what are ya, superwoman?"

"Hah, I wish. Have you checked your phone yet?"

"...No, why?"

She laughs. "#dynamight is trending again. Somethin' about you signing 'fuck off' on a fan's poster?"

Oops.

"Yeah, well I -"

"Fuck her, she's lucky I didn't smack her upside the head."

And that's why I'm marrying her.

Just a cute little "Bakugo hates people" fluff lol

[pinecipitation]

I am once again up at your ass and asking for smiling friends hcs,,,, can I get fucking uhhhh Charlie and Alan with a crush who can't help but infodump their interests?? Talking about sitting then down and forcing them to watch their favorite movie and just rambling. (This is totally not me projecting in the slightest, nuh uh) THANK YOU WIFE I HOPE THIS IS OKAY TO ASK MWAH

SMILING FRIENDS X GN!READER

HELLO WIFE YES THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!! LEAN IN I HAVE A KISS READY FOR YOU

word count: 800+

warnings: none!!

CHARLIE:

- my guy doesn’t know about shit honestly, I feel like just how in the president election episodes he’d be like “idk idc” but in the end he gets an opinion with the more info you talk about

- of course because it’s YOU, he’d listen though

- you’re more into movies and shows and games than he is, so if the moment is ever dull he’d immediately hit you with the “….soooo,, any new recommendations?”

- boy do you have them

- he honestly enjoys the way you light up talking about the media you’re into, even if he isn’t quite retaining the information

- he doesn’t mind asking about it again just to hear your piece

- he thinks it’s sort of sweet that you get so heavy into a piece of media that you’d defend it to the ground, especially if its media that isn’t too widely liked or known or have much of a fanbase. he thinks it’s cool that he’s that person for you, like he’s getting insider information from a reliable source

- he finds himself seeing the media in the wild and immediately thinking about your thoughts on it, if he sees a figure of a character you don’t like or a poster of an arc you loved he’d be sure to point it out to himself

- will find himself going “man, fuck this character” to himself because of you, immediately shaking his head and wondering what was wrong with him. He didn’t even know the character, but he subconsciously has an opinion on them because of you

- back to you though, he would have a hard time physically sitting down to watch or read what you’re into, or try out a hobby you like, but when the moment comes where you offer watching the series with him he will jump on it without a second thought

- you do talk and pause to rewind certain parts in it, which he usually wouldn’t like people doing, but it doesn’t matter to him. it’s not like he’s watching the show anyways, he’s too fixated on you and how close you two are on his couch

ALAN:

- now he would ACTUALLY know what you’re talking about and pay attention to the movies and series

- usually he would just state he’s seen it or doesn’t care for it, but he’s breaking habits if it’s something you’re visibly excited about

- of course he’s happy to rewatch it though

- “no, I don’t know about it, is it good?” he’s seen the movie four times

- alan the type of man to stare at you blankly and resist the urge to add his own opinions and facts, but stays quiet for the plot

- he does genuinely enjoy having you so vocal about a subject you’re so passionate about, you’re somehow one of the only people he doesn’t get too overstimulated around, plus this way he doesn’t have to talk as much

- the day you offered a movie marathon at his place was a turning point, him taking the day off before just so he can clean and make the place acceptable, going the lengths to get usual movie snacks and blankets and such. this, and him hiding his books and dvds so that you wouldn’t stumble on them and find out he’s been pretending this entire time

- for the sake of the plot we’re ignoring alan being a morning person, in this universe he’s a night owl hence the eye bags

- the marathon goes on for later in the night than you both anticipated, after the first several hours and rambles of explaining you find yourself more and more tired and you pause the movies less and less

- it doesn’t take Alan long to notice that you fell asleep just like that, the blanket around the two of you and the bowl of chips discarded beside you

- he doesn’t care about that though, what he does care about is your head centimeters away from his shoulder

- not feeling even a little tired, he pauses the movie and carefully grabs his phone, sure not to move himself or you and writes down the time and place he paused, sure that you’d want to continue in the morning or another day. he’s also sure to write a small summary of where you two left off, now that you both “watched it together” he can talk back in infodump conversations and not give away that he knows the parts you two didn’t watch

- he’s quick to move when you shift in your sleep, him carefully but rapidly moving his hand from between you two and scooping his shoulder right under your head. you didn’t seem to wake or notice, a small lazy smile of success on his face as the two of you spend the rest of the night on the couch, him on his phone and you resting peacefully on his shoulder.

[yan-springlove]

Powder Blues AU

So I've been thinking about the different ways Powder×Jinx could work given that Jinx leaves Zaun and Piltover.

I think it'd be a slowburn in regards to Powder being able to see Vi and Ekko, and a slowburn between Jinx and Powder. In a things-get-worse-before-they-get-better way. So welcome to this AU I made for them!

I got inspired by one of my fav fics where two siblings' bodies get molecularly mashed into a single one thanks to a quirk--but retains the consciousness of both siblings. Much like how our Ekko hopped into Powder's Ekko through the arcane anomaly!! Except the other Ekko didn't retain any sort of control or consciousness.

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/45335362 if u wanna check it out. Its MHA--Touya and Fuyumi centric, wonderfully written)

Powder would probably try to account for that--but what if she wasn't completely succesful?

So Jinx and Powder are stuck in the same body sharing control instead of complete separation. They can't hear each others thoughts, so they have to talk with the same mouth (taking turns) if they want to communicate.

This has so much potential for various scenes!! But here's my idea for how it goes:

---

Powder finds that she has to convince Jinx she's real and not just another facet of Jinx's mental instability. As Jinx is currently wandering Demacia via airship, Powder is trying to convince Jinx to visit Vi and Ekko.

With enough willpower, Powder finds she can move Jinx's body---up until Jinx starts fighting for control of those parts again (like if Powder is doing something Jinx really doesn't want to aka going back to Zaun and Piltover)

Gaining control is kind of a coin toss over who has the most willpower and focus on moving the way they want when theyre fighting for control.

They find out that when one of them sleeps, the other has unimpeded control.

So every step farther away from Zaun Jinx takes, Powder retraces them when she has control. Keeps hoping eventually Jinx will get tired of running and let her go back.

Needless to say, they don't get along very well at the beginning due to clashing goals.

Resentment wells up in Powder, stuck in Jinx's body. It keeps growing until she becomes bitter. Sad. Her comments about Jinx's actions during the day to day adventures go from curious, exasperated, etc--to attempts at cutting insults and dry, sarcastic mockery. Tired. She's exhausted with Jinx's shit.

She's so close to seeing Vi, yet so far.

---

On the other side of the coin; Jinx feels like she's just gone some new kind of insane. But unlike Powder, she's grateful to have company (that can't die) again. At the start she just bickers with Powder for the fun of it, along with the rest of their conversations.

That changes when Powder uses Jinx's confessions/conversations to herself or her voices while thinking Powder was asleep. (Haven't decided what she'll use against Jinx, but I know Powder doesn't actually know/mean the full impact of what she said--she doesnt have the full picture of Jinx, yet. She's angry and fed up with Jinx and lashes out after week or months of trying to keep it in).

Jinx goes quiet. She doesn't talk to Powder for days after that.

---

Thats when their relationship starts to change.

With a few days of silence from Jinx, Powder uses that time to travel to Zaun/Piltover. But she stops outside the city, because the fact that Jinx retreated so far that she hasn't even tried to take back control the whole time worries Powder.

She apologizes for what she said, and talks about the feelings that had been festering since she arrived in Jinx's body. About Vi (and Ekko).

Still no reply.

So Powder gives herself a day to explore Zaun and Piltover without looking for Ekko or Vi. Tries to get Jinx to talk while exploring the cities, but it just ends up with her continuously having one sided conversations. Powder finds she doesn't mind, though. Somehow she knows Jinx is listening.

Powder shares all the differences she sees in Jinx's reality vs her world. Tells Jinx stories about her family. Ekko. Benzo. Heimerdinger. Mylo. Claggor. Vander. Silco.

Vi.

While she told Jinx that her Vi is dead, she never shared the intimate details of the experience.

This time, she tells Jinx how it happened. How it felt. What it's been like for her all these years mourning and missing Vi.

How Jinx's Ekko showed Powder what she looked like in this world when he visited.

How much she just wants to see her sister. To hug her one more time.

Up on a rooftop alone and looking down at the two cities, Powder lets herself cry out everything that's been rotting in her the past few months living in Jinx's body.

When she's done, it's Jinx that carefully wipes Powder's tears away. That whispers hoarsely, "I'll take you to her."

---

next up in this AU is a Vi, Jinx, and Powder reunion (+ Cait and Ekko)

---

Bonus: I like to think that Jinx would ask for more stories of Silco and Vander.

[ashenquill]

It's time to info dump about my character headcanons some moreeeee I love spreading my agenda on the internet hehe

Mumbo Killsalot Jumbo is one of those ambiguous types where you can't tell if he's actually a hybrid or not? Like, there's something a little bit... off about him. Something distinctly non-human. Also he's a really weird guy, which makes even less sense, because at this point hybrids are like 60% of the population, and nobody bats(ha) an eye at them anymore, so it's not like he needs to hide it. But he is, in fact, secretly a vampire. Or at least, he's 1/16th vampire or something like that. He just remembers this one guy named Vlad who he refused to believe was actually his great-grandpa because he's literally, like thirty? How on Earth would he have been old enough to father children with children with children? Mumbo started believing it when he saw him again ten years later and he hadn't changed in the slightest. Suddenly, the strict nobody open the curtains rule made a lot more sense.

Now, even though Mumbo is technically a vampire, his family is primarily human. The only reason they even have vampiric origins is because Great-grandpa Vlad got turned at the ripe age of 27, and wasn't about to abandon his wife over his new and very serious garlic allergy. She thought it was all one big prank he was pulling to get out of working on the farm, but after twenty years and seven kids, she realized that being a stay-at-home dad was definitely not taking the toll it should.

Mumbo and his immediate family have retained a few of the traits they inherited from Vlad, but it manifests in very mild coincidences. His mom is allergic to garlic and his dad has a strange Scarland-Princess-like affiliation with bats. Mumbo, meanwhile, really got the short end of the stick, as he can't expose his shoulders to sunlight without them miraculously burning (he's gone through more bottles of M-77 brand sunscreen than he'd care to quantify). Not to mention the insomnia! He'd be lucky to get two hours of sleep on an average night, and the fact that the only affect it really has on him is making his eyes look baggy is truly an injustice. Wasn't insomnia supposed to cause other serious health problems? How could he even complain about it if he wasn't constantly overtired? Rather inconvenient, that.

Don't ask my why I have so much lore for this guy when I don't even write him that often. It's just the Mumbo Jumbo allure, I guess

Here's some other fun facts:

Smells like iron/copper (metallic)

Book smart - special knowledge of redstone

Likes: cloud gazing, embroidery, old westerns/duels/guns, rubix cubes (only to look at though, bro can’t solve them for shit)

Dislikes: designing floor plans, social interaction, eye contact

Passions: philanthropy, travel

Habits/other details: Super fidgety like holy shit he never stops moving, picks at his nails and has lots of scabs & hangnails bc of it, he is littered with cuts and bruises of unknown origin, also usually covered in redstone & he mistakes his blood for it half the time, can’t tell if he’s ADHD, ASD, or both (deffo both)

Reactive to their environment - does not like to be around danger most of the time, would rather watch from afar, would rather not even watch tyvm, too bad he’s always a victim, #easytarget, your honor he’s just a wet cat

Special, plot-relevant skills: good w/ redstone, rich asf

Insomniac, also has RLS, always tired but it’s not very obvious, mostly just has dumb blonde moments, his intelligence would be 10% more if he actually slept, what the heck Vlad why'd you have to get bit by a vampire

[celestie0]

binge read kickoff and I’m sooooo obsessed with it. >.< manifesting someone like Satoru. This might seem dumb but I’m just curious to know what satoru’s friends (Suguru, nanami etc) think of reader?

but anywayyy, thank you for this amazing story and have a great day! :)

hiiii my darling omg i'm so happy you've enjoyed kickoff so far!! it means sm to me :''')

omg not dumb at all i would love to answer this!! i think i answered a similar question to this before but i can't remember what i said xD so we'll start fresh haha i mean it's been a while anyway

suguru: oh yes i also got an ask that was wondering if kickoff suguru has feelings for reader or was romantically interested in her since he seems to be a lil flirty sometimes haha but no i think he's just naturally flirty LOL. he's definitely aware of gojo's feelings for her even tho gojo never told him that or anything, i'd like to think he knew gojo had feelings before even gojo knew SDKJFHSDKJF. but yea anywho he def thinks reader is cool n is kinda different from the girls he's used to seeing in gojo's company n i think that's also why he's intrigued by her bc he's like what's up w this girl that she's got my best friend glancing over at the sidelines every two seconds during practice LMFAO. tbh i can see kickoff suguru n kickoff reader being really great friends, they kinda have similar personalities :)

nanami: he has hella respect for her because he likes people who have a craft or a skill that they're passionate about lol. especially if it's something niche, so he thinks that reader knowing a lot about photography n has really fancy cameras etc is really cool. he's mostly indifferent/disinterested in what she has to do w gojo, he doesn't really care about their status of are they friends? are they dating? sorts of stuff, but i'd like to think he pulls her aside sometimes to ask her questions about her camera specs just cause he wants to learn more about it

choso: pls kickoff choso is soooooooo go with the flow, two braincells, smooth brained, slightly grumpy, chronically tired but very sweet hearted in my head. tbh i don't even think he knows reader's name n i'm p sure he's mistaken her as being three different people bc he just cannot cognitively retain faces for the life of him LMFAO. yea he was mostly indifferent n i'm ngl reader was probs invisible to him for the most part BUT when he saw her slap the shit out of ren at the bar he was like :0 god damn that girl's sick. and now his interest has been piqued n he’s like 80% sure he knows her name now. omg i feel like kickoff choso n reader would not get along for some reason skdfhsdflk choso's nonchalant cynicism would clash w reader's anxious optimism

other players on the team: they all are just really hoping that she's getting their good angles when she's takin her snapshots HAHAH. i'd like to think some of them be mewing on the field 💀💀

coach yaga: “STOP DISTRACTING MY STAR PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED HIS EYES ON THE BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

LOL hope this answers bb <3

[asleepinawell]

lingering questions and thoughts on the dlc lore

first off, some of these may have been addressed in item descriptions and i either 1) missed an item or 2) read it but it was 3am and my brain didn't retain some detail

all opinions are just opinions etc, i have no interest in getting in lore fights and block people who try and start them. I'm too tired for that shit. this is just fun speculation

one question i had that i feel must have been answered was what was the scadutree actually for?

what was the timeline regarding messmer and melina's birth? they're referred to together as if they're twins or were born close together. my assumption was that messmer at least was radagon's kid with marika, but the dialogue of the story trailer implies his purge took place shortly after marika's ascension. marika could have split off radagon fairly early (even as part of the process of becoming a god like miquella and st trina) but there was no mention of them having kids until after the rennala thing much later on. my assumption about his parentage is based on 1) hair color and 2) he has a special curse which gives him something in common with malenia/miquella. he is not an empyrean though so maybe radagon isn't the dad (did you fuck the god devouring snake marika????)

i don't want to touch on the miquella and radahn stuff too much since I'm not interested in The Discourse. (i found the parts of the story about marika and the hornsent to be far more interesting). i will say that while the radahn thing felt like it came out of nowhere, the reason miquella didn't choose malenia is probably because 1) she's another empyrean and therfore a candidate for being a god, not a lord, and 2) she's already been claimed by a god. godwyn would have been the more lore logical choice but he didn't even get a mention, like "miquella wanted him but his soul was gone". so weird choice (and bad boss fight) but eh

i'm not sure if miquella's two fingers is ever commented on but he and ranni both followed a similar path in abandoning their flesh to remove themselves from the greater will's influence except ranni then went feral and stabbed hers to death and then got engaged while still covered in its blood. 10/10 no notes

one thing I'd wanted but hadn't expected to get was the reason marika smashed the ring. the whole "woman went crazy because her son died" thing is very grrm and 😬 about what i expect from how his writing handles women, BUT! i think the dlc gives a more complicated possibility for this. marika gets her tragic backstory (which i was also dreading because grrm) and it's one that actually made a lot of sense in terms of the lore and did a good job explaining her actions without justifying them (she slapped the cycle of violence on the roof and was like this bad boy can fit so much perpetuation). the fact she removed death from the elden ring after having witnessed the brutal extermination of her people makes complete sense. and then her son gets killed. she obtained godhood to punish the hornsent and to protect what was left of her people (which seems to mostly be the children she had later) and the elden ring failed her and her kid died. it wasn't grief over her son, so much as past trauma mixed with extreme anger. she took on godship to prevent this and the elden ring had failed her. it had one job basically. radagon, who lacked her memories, was immune to this. overall i think that's a decent plot compared to what it could have been

the whole story with the hornsent also makes the story of morgot and mohg much darker (and it was already dark). marika must have been really pissed and upset to have omen children (maybe part of why she ditched godfrey?). since they were her blood she wouldn't have killed them (since protecting the last of the shamans/numen was her thing), but man. fucked up if true etc

marika probably would have gone apeshit about jarburg if she hadn't been off being crucified

also since ranni was not marika's kid (or wasn't raised by her per se) she might not have known anything about marika's backstory and not expected marika's reaction to godwyn's death. edit: this is not me being like ranni did nothing wrong. i support women's wrongs. i think they should do more of them. more like, imagine ranni kills godwyn and then suddenly marika smashes the ring and all the other demigods go nuts and start waging war and she's just like huh. wild. and then fucks off to her tower until they all get it out of their systems

the lgbtq community has forgiven mohg is possibly the funniest narrative choice they could have made. poor man didn't even get to yell sex in his fight 😔. at least he had some of the sickest looking moves in the game

rellana was the best boss in the dlc and possibly the whole game imo. the fact she may have been into messmer is really funny though because 1) if you go age of stars that is now your aunt in law kicking your ass and 2) your aunt in law who is into the brother of your wife. what a family. no wonder ranni wants to go to space

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  dartlekey! @dartlekey has 11 fics in the Stranger Things Fandom and 9 of them are in the Steddie tag!.

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @dartlekey:

If you were church (I'd get on my knees)

RUSH! (T4T REMIX)

At a medium pace

With great power

"I read the "with great power" series not long after I got into the Steddie fandom and was instantly like "I need to raid this author's other fics" and subscribed to them. No regrets for that choice!!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @dartlekey answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

For me, Steddie hits that sweet spot of strong characterization but woefully underexplored details, both for the individual characters but also their dynamic with each other in canon. That makes their relationship the ideal writer's sandbox - since they're both so fluid, you can explore the characters through each other, showcasing many different and even conflicting facets of each other while still retaining their original characters and behaviors. Either of them can be rich or poor, famous or an everyguy, Gay or Bisexual, Dom or Sub, Top or Bottom, Trans in any direction - the details are up to you! 

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a good slowburn friends-to-lovers fic. It needs to be a specific kind for me though - I'm not much one for prolonged pining, but I love it when the friendship is explored in such depth that the next step feels like an inevitability. Watching that deep platonic affection turn not-so-platonic, that's the good shit. 

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

My specialty as a writer, I think, is crack treated seriously, or crack with a twist. Usually the first question that sparks one of my fics is “If X happened, would that be hilarious or what?” and then the second is “But if it was because of Y, would that be fucked up or what?” I think you can see it best in If you were church I'd get on my knees (what if Steve was a stripper at Eddie's stag party BUT it was actually a social commentary on queerness and sexuality in the face of religious oppression), but it's in At a medium pace too (what if Eddie couldn't move his arms because of injury so Steve “has” to jerk him off, but it's actually about how growing up queer can warp your perspective on healthy sexuality) , or even in Don't look back (What if Eddie had to dom Steve for plot reasons, but it's all body horror and trauma and spiraling codependency). 

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I don’t think I could name one all-time favorite, because what I enjoy most about fanfic is that different writers bring different character interpretations, storytelling styles and plot ideas to the table, which I find incomparable. I have enjoyed many of the well-known classics, of course (pukner I owe you my life--), but let me use this chance to give a shout-out to some less well-known masterpieces! My top three underrated fics are Three Days on the Red Planet by CaptainHoney/@grandmastattoo on tumblr (retro scifi, gritty but humorous hopepunk, every single fic of theirs is a certified banger but I love this one the most for some reason!!), Love dirty men alike by wrenowich (chef au, an ode to kitchen culture in all its griminess, I love a detailed backstory plus Steddie being wonderfully weird about each other), and That’s just wasteland, baby! by fastcardotmp3 (post-s4 apocalypse survival, sweet and aching and tired and yet hopeful, made me cry in the best way). 

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

One that's pretty unique to the steddie fandom, or perhaps general stranger things fandom, is “if canon event x had happened differently/hadn't happened at all/had happened to a different person, how would the rest of canon change?” I still need to work out a lot of details in my head, so that's all I'll say for now, but it's something I'm very interested in exploring.

What is your writing process like?

Much to the horror of fic writers everywhere, I don't do first drafts, I just write out everything in detail, scene by scene in chronological order. I edit as I go, and consider the many-numbered, often unplanned writing breaks an important part of my process - when I let the written portion sit for a while and the unwritten ideas percolate in my brain for a bit, I often end up with new plot points or solutions for problems I've been having! And when that inspiration strikes, I can write anywhere - on the train, during lunch break at work, in the vegetable aisle of the grocery store… I have gdocs on my phone and I use it liberally; I'd say I write at least 80% of any given fic on my phone. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

Apart from the hot mess I just described, I'd say it's that I never use Beta readers. I'll occasionally ask friends to help with specific details if I need an expert on certain subject matter, but I've found I get very grumpy and fussy if someone pokes at my plot (even if or rather especially if they’re right lol), and I don't want to subject anyone to that. 

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

For oneshots or series comprised of single-chapter fics I like posting as soon as I'm done, but for multi-chapter works I've recently found that starting to post only after I've finished most (if not all) chapters beforehand improves the quality of the story! Since I tend to integrate new ideas or shift around plot points a lot while writing, I often end up in completely different places than my original concept, so if an early chapter isn't posted yet I can retroactively edit it to add foreshadowing or tone-match the end of the work, remove loose threads and suchlike. Don't look back is a good example of how this has worked out for me; comparatively It don't bite (Yes it do) - which I wrote and posted chapter by chapter - is tonally all over the place. 

Which fic are you most proud of?

Naturally I love all my babies, but I consider Don't look back my magnum opus - both because it is the longest fic I've ever written (13 chapters and 90.000 words in total, that's practically a novel!) and because it's the most plot-rich, labor-intensive, and overall serious in tone. I even worked in subplots about the rest of the cast, so it almost reads like its own season. I wrote it for last year's Steddie Bigbang, which means there's also a gorgeous accompanying artwork by @the-chilly-kat. 

How did you get the idea for With great power?

At the time I'd seen a few marvel AUs floating past me on the tumblr timeline, usually with Steve as Spiderman and Eddie as the human component of Venom, and having just recently seen the Venom movie depicting the rich relationship between Eddie Brock and the symbiote, it surprised me that most left the symbiote as its own character, and not substituted one of the ST main cast. The symbiotic relationship of Stobin immediately came to mind, though I also still loved the idea of Steve as Spidey - then I remembered that in the Toby McGuire movies, the two are not mutually exclusive, and it all spiraled from there. Eddie as Deadpool just made sense - immortal wild-card with a dubious moral code but a heart of gold? Obviously! Plus Spideypool is, of course, a classic ship. 

When writing With great power, what was something you didn’t expect?

I actually got several curious comments about the sex toy Steve uses in Because the night - a grindable or grinder, which is a flat-ish silicone structure, usually ribbed in an interesting way, that one can grind against to get off (as the name suggests). I thought it was pretty common, but apparently it's not very well known!

What inspired  RUSH! (T4T REMIX)?

Oh, it's my time to gush! Because the idea for the first work actually came about from a late night conversation I had with the beautiful, amazing, wonderful @maikaartwork, back when we were, how should I say, in the courting stage? Seeing as we met through the Steddie fandom, I decided to write Baby Said basically to seduce them - and I am happy to say it worked, as we've been dating for over eight months now and are planning to move in together next year! Both works from RUSH! - T4T REMIX (and the secret new WIP, shh) are thus somewhat inspired by our conversations and our t4t relationship, but also by the many interesting and different trans people I've met over the years, and trans solidarity and relationships in general.

What was your favorite part to write from At a medium pace?

The small-talk in between position changes - no, really! I love a mindless marathon-fuck story as much as the next person, but there's something very sweet and intimate about those little breaks in sex, the pass the lube, move your leg a bit, what's for dinner later of it all. That's where you see that emotional connection - there's no admission of crushes or big love confessions in this fic because it's right there in the details.

How do/did you feel writing RUSH! (T4T REMIX)?

Honestly, it's just really really fun and self-indulgent. The Steddie dynamic in it is so bitchy, all the bickering makes me laugh even as I'm writing it. It's also just really fun to write about the trans experience in a way that is curious and loving, and reflects all the very different and yet similar ways people experience living in a body that defies expectation. I've loved all my fellow trans people sounding off in the comments about their own transition experiences, it's wonderful to have such a fantastic community!

What was the most difficult part of writing If you were church (I'd get on my knees)?

Curiously enough, not the many religious trauma bits! Much like Eddie in the fic, I'm only church-freak adjacent - I grew up in a non-religious household but with extended family that were extremely catholic, so the odd juxtaposition of being occasionally close to but definitely not involved in what is pretty much cult behavior inspired much of this fic. The most functionally difficult part to write was actually the wedding - as an aro-spec & trans relationship anarchist, church weddings have never been relevant to me, so I had very little idea what actually goes into one! Very little of the research I conducted on the topic actually made it into the fic, but hey, the more you know. 

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

People keep asking me that, and I never know what to answer! If I had to pick one, though, maybe the last few paragraphs of Don't look back - where you can see the tragedy coming, but there's no way of stopping it, because it was always going to end this way. And then Eddie's last words before the end of the fic call back to the title as well as the general theme of the fic - it just all comes together for such a crescendo of an ending. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Yes, actually! Coming soon in the SteddieBang'24, me and my lovely artist @hawkinsleather have been working hard on a 20k post-s4 fic called A glimpse of your canvas, which is about closeted transfemme!Eddie, women's solidarity, and Steve's very confusing no-good trip to the gay bar. Both With great power and RUSH! (T4T REMIX) have another WIP pending which I'll eventually finish (I promise, I'm just easily distracted!!), and for those who are still mad about Don't look back’s open ending, I'm almost done with the sequel, which features a lot of bad decisions by all characters involved, the healing power of community, and a bit of accidental child acquisition. 

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Given the chance of this platform, I would like to notify my readers that I'm a terrible procrastinator when it comes to replying to comments, but I read and cherish every one of them - and repeat commenters, I see you, I love you, I am chewing on your arm like a dog with a bone!! I would also like to thank the steddie fandom in general for giving me the hottest partner known to man or God, and for the many friendships I've been so fortunate to build here. Talk about transformative works, am I right? <3 

Thank you to our author, @dartlekey, and our anonymous nominator! See more of dartlekey's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[ideyaag]

i just saw the movie and boy do i have thoughts

spoilers for venom the last dance

THAT FUCKIN ENDING HUH!!??

this movie is full of interesting choices and ending it with a montage to maroon 5 certainly is a choice!

for real tho i love some of the character moments, venom is a sweetheart as always, ms.cheng is awesome and i really enjoyed the little road trip family.

however eddie i feel like couldve been more emotional.. i know his whole deal is that hes gruff and always just wants to go home but like, they've been together for a full year, its the finale! and hes still being apprehensive to enjoy being with venom. he obviously needs him and loves him or else he wouldn't be willing to be on the run with him and he says so himself that he needs him, BUT there were so many opportunities to push that more!

i wanted him to be desperate and heartbroken when he realized the gravity of the situation they were in. i wanted him to break out and rescue venom himself to reunite with him. i wanted it to be obvious to anyone that eddie loves venom as much as venom loves eddie. but it just never hit that hard.

also! WHY ARE WE SETTING UP A NEW STORY!!!!??!!?!!!?

a new villain (who honestly they didnt do a good job setting up in the first place) who they dont defeat by the end. and a new protagonist that will be the one to stop him.....

if you're wondering where i got this its the credit scenes

the mid credit scene is the bad guy that venom just sacrificed himself to stop him from being free, says something along the lines of "thats ok darkness will still come that just means you lost your hero" so..... the sacrifice was for nothing!?

and then the end credit scene shows a cockroach coming out of the rubble and getting zapped by a taser that was dropped there...

this is obviously referencing how the new lightning scientist lady (forgot her name) is going to be the one to kill the bad guy who venom and everyone else failed to kill the symbolism is pretty clear: she has a tragic backstory regarding lightning and she just got a symbiote with lightning powers so shes tha taser, and the hunters that theyve been fighting the whole movie was blended in a plane engine, blown up, torn to shreds, stabbed and always got back up, they are the cockroaches. she even says at the beginning of the movie that she knows cockroaches would survive the blasts from the deconstruction..... this could also mean that the symbiotes lived but i doubt it....

and killing literally every symbiote except the one the new protag has was so unnecessary, i liked the one christmas girl had they were great together.

and again the villain.... they really gotta remember to show not tell..... venom dumping all of this info onto us was not a good way for me to retain it lol. i got some but i must be missing something cus what i got feels just really convoluted and just leaves me with more questions.. but not in the oh i have to find out way, but in the why the hell is it like that way.

so the creator of the symbiotes is locked away cus hes evil but the key is in a codex which only happens when a symbiote and its host fuse souls after the host is brought to life... and he also made symbiote hunters which go after the codex to free him so he can kill everything....

there are so many things i just don't understand about that and i think ill just leave it there because its midnight and im tired lol

dont take this seriously and get mad at me, critiquing shit i like is how i have fun lol

this is just my post movie thought spew lolol

[dami-is-delusional]

Fighting or Flirting?: A Series of Confusing Events (seriously. someone stop them.) - Steve Rogers x ExHydra!Male!Reader

Summary: You used to be an experiment, curated by Hydra to be a living weapon. Somewhere along the line, SHIELD saved you and decided to place you with the Avengers. As the superficial leader, Steve Rogers tried his best to welcome you. Somehow it all went downhill from there... until it didn't!

(enemies to lovers, might not be the most accurate Steve, my second fic ever so i apologize in advance.)

PART ONE: Introduction

You remembered the exact day that SHIELD freed you from your "room" (even prisoners had better facilities). It was an odd sort of feeling. You had been at HYDRA for so long that most of the staff were almost kind to you. You made small talk to them while they ran their tests. You almost couldn't remember what life was like on the outside. So when a bunch of SHIELD agents broke down the door to your room and found you reading a comic book, you just shrugged. You went with them and did as they said. It was weird, hearing them talk so softly and act so gently. You wondered if this is what normal people were like. They took you to SHIELD's main facility and assessed you. They figured out your powers and realized that you were a bit different from the other HYDRA experiments. You had managed to not go insane (which was debatable if they had asked you) by retaining your absolute "no shits to give" attitude. It baffled them but they couldn't really complain. It meant they had one less Bucky Barnes to deal with...

After about half a year of living and working with SHIELD, Nick Fury called you down to his office. You made your way there, ignoring the looks that always seemed to linger on your skin. You knew that people still thought of you as an experiment. You didn't care much, you hated socialization anyways. You also knew that they were wary of your powers, which was understandable. Your powers consisted of the ability to steal the energy of those around you. The energy you stole could then be transformed into your own energy that you could use to fight. You never knew how to explain it since you never bothered to listen to all the scientists yapping for hours about your abilities. But self exposition aside, you finally found yourself in Fury's office. Never being one to follow social cues, you waltzed in there carelessly.

Fury, irritated with your manners but too tired to say anything, looked up from his screens.

"Hello Y/N, thank you for coming." Fury began as he watched you mindlessly look around his office. "I know you have the attention span of a two year old on a sugar high, so I'll keep this short. You will become an addition to the Avengers."

At that, you paused in your internal critique of his interior design choices. You processed what he said and your face contorted into what could be described as disgust.

"Me? You want me to join the Avengers? As in, a team??" you looked at Fury as if he had gotten brain damage from the fumes of bullshit he dealt with everyday. Fury just rolled his eyes and quickly counted to ten in his head.

"Yes to all of that. We think you would be a great addition. We did it for Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton. SHIELD agents seem to do really well with the Avengers. And plus, didn't you say you wanted to try and do some good for the world?" Fury asked, looking at the ex-HYDRA soldier pointedly. you simply shrugged.

"I just said that because my favourite comics showed cool heroes. Also, I was hoping for more of a 'vigilante' kind of gig. I don't really do... teams," you explained, talking about teams in the same way one would talk about a piece of gum on their shoe.

"Well isn't that too bad." Fury looked at you with a deadpan expression. "The decision has already been made. Pack whatever you need, someone will drop you off at the Avengers tower tomorrow morning."

You tried to protest but immediately shut up when you saw his face. You walked out of Fury's office backwards with an awkward, tight-lipped smile. Not like you were scared of him or anything. And it definitely wasn't because you saw him reach for his gun. Nope, Y/N was not scared of anything.

[eurydiceryn]

us! chara my sassy lost child

my own interpretation of underswap:

us! chara:

chara replaces frisk so they're now the 8th fallen child. they retain some key characteristics of their og/ut version though (dislikes humanity, has a soft spot for nicer monsters). i heavily see chara as a sassy, firecracker and trouble making child <3

personally, i think of ut! chara as an entity similar to flowey - they have no soul and can't really "feel" love and compassion. depending on what route you as the player takes, they go along with the ride. their beliefs and goals rely on how much exp/lv you've earned. i think of them as a pretty chill souless kid

us! sans:

im not a fan of infantilizing us! sans (honestly this applies to all "papyrus-types"). like chara, he retains some characteristics of his og version. he likes puns (and loves annoying his younger brother with them), a sciency type, and LOVES greasy food ("sans, for the last time, stop buying grillby's overpriced food"). most noticeable difference with his undertale counterpart is that he's a bit more active & more or less has his shit together a lot more than ut! sans.

you can actually die in his boss fight unlike og papyrus. he's aware of what "capturing humans" entail, & he's not really a fan of the whole killing children thing. but y'know, monsterkind just.. needs one more soul don't they? like og papyrus bossfight, you just need to tire him out before he goes "YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T KILL A KID" & spares you.

(if you die thrice in his bossfight, he'll see your expression & just lets you go. he's unnerved & thinks chara's expression will haunt him for the rest of his life)

he can actually make edible food & is popular with snowdin's residents. he has the qualifications to join the royal guard, he just chooses not to. alphys approves of him and would gladly accept him into the team, but eh - he's content with being an unofficial member.

acquaintances with alphys. you could have considered them friends a.. long time ago, but the past is the past. the best big brother - cares deeply for papyrus and his severe lack of friends. pushes the human to hang out w/ him & papyrus (instead of a date).

us! papyrus:

following the trend of retaining some of the og's traits, papyrus can't cook very well. he's slightly above the category of being capable of burning water. he's talented when it comes to making and constructing puzzles - a great engineer tbh. papyrus still has the racecar bed & has dreams of driving one on the surface.

and for the record, he doesn't smoke - it's a lollipop. he's also anxious and socially awkward - guy's got ZERO friends (okay im exaggerating, he does have at least TWO). nevertheless, he's a loser and i love him; a certified babygirl.

similar to ut's events, paps makes a promise to a man behind the ruins' door to guide the human who passes through, and he intends to keep it. unlike ut! sans who tends to watch over the human from a distance (& occassionally intersects with their journey), papyrus is a bit more involved. he keeps chara company during some sections of snowdin/hotland & likes to keep check on them by calling on the cellphone.

although papyrus is lazier and more easy going than ut! papyrus, he's just as compassionate & kind. during his fight's first phase in genocide, he tries to force the human to give up and rethink their ways. his attacks generally consist of blue attacks - a defense; to push you back. he doesn't like the idea of killing someone (even if that someone happened to be the one who killed your brother and all your friends), but if the human does happen to die - it can't be helped.

if you spare him, you don't get dunked on dw. he'll let you off the fight but doesn't allow you to proceed any further. he'll keep blocking your way — the only way to get past him is to kill him. as a result, his bossfight is a lot easier than ut! sans, but still very difficult. when the second phase happens (you attack him when he spares you), he pulls all stops & tries to full on kill you fr.

on a lighter note, he's bffs with undyne. they construct wild and destructive experiments. BESTIES(tm) IN EVERY UNIVERSE <33

(that's all there is for now.. i have plans for the others but i'll post them in due time)

[seat-safety-switch]

A lot of people ask me: just how many foreign bearded ladies did your dad fuck when he was travelling the world, hoping for any circus that would take him? The answer seems to always be: “one more.” Thanksgiving is busy. My half-brother, Saito Safety-Switch, grew up in a deprived environment. His childhood was spent in opulent comfort, wanting for nothing… except what his genes demanded. His body and mind screamed out for a shitty American car, yet none were available to him in the xenophobic and closed-minded world of Japanese so-called “high society.”

One morning, he was riding his 24-speed race bicycle (affixed with homemade “HUFFY” and “BURGER KING” stickers) past a dingy three-car dealership, shoved into the corner of two pachinko parlours and a restaurant where you could make out with a girl pretending to be a train station ticket dispensing robot for ¥350/hr. That’s when he saw it.

Now, things were worse back then. We didn’t have the Hunter-Killers. The Japanese had not invented the New Atmospheric Miracle. Human nerves were slower than light speed. All he had was a lot of worthless fiat currency in search of Fiats. Or, as he found it, a Dodge Michigan.

The Dodge Michigan is a product of Chrysler Corporation becoming delaminated even more than usual during the Cocaine Era. They thought: Japanese people love front-wheel drive cars. They thought: Japanese people love foreign luxury cars. They thought: we should sell them a 1986 Dodge Aries with fancy tail lights. They were wrong.

It took several months for Saito to convince the shaken inspectors that it was even a real car, ultimately choosing to purchase the inspection corporation through a shell company and having the former executives forcibly uploaded to the Heavens.

Friends: the 2.2 litre iron block shit-stirrer sitting comfortably inside the Michigan as it left its depressing American hometown for the promised land of the Pacific Rim did not last long. “Inefficient,” the tax authorities claimed, and penalized Saito. Here’s the thing about being the adopted child of Japan’s richest bearded-lady fetishist: you’ve had enough “original” for your entire life. It came out. The 13B Mazda rotary from a Roadpacer went in. And just to stick it in Uncle Nippon’s eye, a couple turbochargers. American, of course, built in one of the last surviving sentient manufactories before the Exultation.

By the time the authorities had recovered from their database failure and machine-mind emotional cascade collapse, I was on the ground in Haneda to meet my step-bro for some extremely complicated coffee. I didn’t expect what I’d be getting picked up in.

Somehow, he’d managed to hire folks to Sawzall actual subway hanger straps from the Chicago e-line, complete with the internal structure to retain the rails. It was pasted from stem to stern with imported industrial grit, ground into the carbon fibre’s centimetre thick bass boat clear in lieu of mica flake. And the tires were wide enough, secured in tripled-up Trans Am (the series, not the model) box overfenders, that two members of the Highway Code committee resigned in protest rather than be pushed into making an exception for what Saito’s humourless and unpredictably violent lobby group described as “experimental aircraft.”

[itsheccincheebs]

The calm before the storm...

You’re about to call it a night, not because you’re all that tired but because Kaminari, in his increasingly desperate bid to kickstart his high school romance once and for all with the remaining time he has left, has started trying to goad some of his classmates into playing some childish American game of spin the bottle. Much to your horror, some of them are starting to warm up to the idea.

And frankly, you’re not about to run the risk of locking lips with that whole mess. So you make a show of stretching and yawning and you’re just about to get up when the front door opens.

Midoriya walks in, looking adorable in a fluffy cable knit sweater and you slowly settle back down to admire the rosiness of his freckled cheeks and the sparkle of those large doe eyes that somehow retain that youthful, boyish glimmer despite already nearing his 18th birthday. It’s taking every atom of your very being to not rush over and plant a fat one right on those pink lips.

To your left, Shinsou does a spit take (gross) and almost chokes on his tea. “Oh my god,” he wheezes while thumping his chest. He’s doing this weird coughing laugh and you curl your lip, moving away slightly. “You’re so whipped, holy shit.” You freeze as he gives you a look that says all his dreams came true at once. “That’s your type? I never would’ve guessed.”

You stomp down hard on his foot while ignoring the sinking feeling of dread. He’s definitely going to blackmail you about this later, the bastard.

Shouto appears right after holding a small paper bag, which he hands over. “I remember you saying you liked these,” he offers as explanation and when you take a peek, you smile at the paw print candies stashed inside.

“You keep doting on her and people are gonna get the wrong idea,” Shinsou interrupts before you can thank Shouto for the gift.

“Like what?”

“Shouto, I thought you had detention,” you cut in, derailing the conversation entirely. You’re so done with Shinsou today and he’s starting to get on your nerves. “Aizawa still let you go out?”

For some odd reason, Shouto’s face colors, just the faintest line of pink across the bridge of his nose. He glances at a spot over your shoulder and scratches his neck. “I…had today booked since last week. He didn’t keep me too long.”

You blink. This is very uncharacteristic behavior from your best friend. You’d almost think he was…

“Sho — ah, Todoroki-kun,” Midoriya pipes up from behind you, sending your heart into overdrive. From this close, you can see he’s wearing lip balm for the weather, making his lips look so soft and just a bit shiny. You want to scream. He has no business looking that cute, what the fuck — “Do you want to come up to my room later and start on that essay for Mic-sensei? I’m having a bit of trouble with it and I could use some help.”

Your heart leaps into your throat. As the resident English expert, you’ve already finished that essay. Wouldn’t it be the perfect opportunity to…perhaps help Midoriya with said essay? You try to catch Shouto’s eye so he could do you a solid and be your wingman, but alas, your best friend has many strengths, but picking up social cues isn’t one of them.

“Yeah, I’m just going to take a shower first. I’ll be up later,” Shouto answers, shrugging off his coat and missing your sullen glower completely.

“Shut down,” mutters Shinsou under his breath.

You round on him, having just about enough of his shenanigans. “You are just asking to get your ass kicked today,” you hiss, swearing when he catches your oncoming fist. “It’s like you don’t know when to shut the hell up.”

Shinsou barks out a laugh, mocking grin on full display and snagging your other fist. “Not my fault your game’s so weak,” he retaliates. “Watching you was starting to get painful.”

With a snarl, you shove him off the couch, but he takes you down with him and you land hard on your elbow. “Asshole!” you snap, eyes watering from the pain. What follows feels like the world’s most aggressive wrestling match, with Kaminari and Sero sliding in to do some improv sports commentary on the side and several spectators cheering you on.

Eventually, Shinsou gains the upper hand because the guy’s got at least forty pounds of pure muscle on you and you’re tapping out before long. “Good match. Just no biting next time,” he pants, trying to ruffle your hair.

You duck away with a grunt, out of breath and sour-faced. “Whatever. Hope it gets infected,” you add just to be spiteful.

Midoriya’s long gone, and so is Shouto, the traitor. You straighten up with a stretch, twisting from side to side when you spot something lying on the arm of the couch. “Oh…Shouto forgot his coat,” you mumble. When you pick it up, you pause at the faint whiff of cologne that wafts from it. The hell…? Since when does Shouto wear cologne?

---

Oh good golly gosh, y'all are not ready for the shitshow that's comin'. I don't do Hurt No Comfort cuz I'm too chickenshit, but there's definitely a lot of whump in this future one-shot. So hold onto yer butts.

[system-of-a-feather]

Not even entirely sure what this ramble IS about but I do gotta share it

But the realization and awareness that I have - for at least the past like two years and increasing in frequency - been experiencing a lot of paradoxical sleep is just such a fucking interesting experience and a thing I'm DEFINITELY exploiting cause like, I've very much kind of just found a way to basically fall asleep in literally less than 2 minutes and actually go into REM stupid fast while still being conscious / lucid w/out dreaming and its so fucking wild.

But like I've been doing little self experiments of observation with it and like the other day I was like "Aight Im tired, Imma give myself fifteen minutes" and in 8 minutes got the whole fucking "cat nap" feel of shit while still being aware of like the general passage of time albeit at like 2x speed and I was in the plane today and Im like "dude I literally felt my body turn off what the fuck this is kind of fucking cool" plus also me going "Okay so I lost the ability to dissociate to take a break from existing with recovery but INSTEAD I've unlocked Sleep Hax"

Cause Im like HOLD UP

When I get REALLY deep into my thoughts and just rest my eyes and I SWEAR to GOD Im literally awake but I am OBVIOUSLY externally asleep, that is ACTUALLY sleeping and that is ACTUALLY going into REM and part of why I retain that sense of being awake is cause my brain goes into REM stupid fast

And so Im just like bro bro bro

I can go from not being able to nap in the day time to being the MASTER napper while just engaging in my deep thought?

AND THE FUNNIEST THING

IM LIKE THIS IS LIKE LUCID DREAMING WITH NO DREAMS IS THAT A THING

I LOOK IT UP

LIKE

HELLO HOW DID BUDDHISM COME UP AT ME AGAIN

Like its NOT clear light sleep as I experience it but Im like man its like Im lucid dreaming but with no dream i wonder if that is a thing But dude like of course cause I've always made myself my own guinea pig and shit I'm just taking this weird thing about me and testing where I can go with and its fucking wild to have no dream but be "ah, I'm asleep, I should proabbly wake up in a bit" and actually like tuning into senses through the sleep like muting of it all to just keep track of time while asleep its SO weird but kinda fun

Cause I can hear everything still but I am still asleep and if I choose to actually pay attention to the muted auditory stuff I can process shit Im hearing while Im asleep and its so wild Its like my self science experiment of the past few weeks XD I do though wonder if there is a relationship between this and Buddhism cause I will say... Its timing was around when I started getting really into Buddhism and its gotten more the more I get into it so Im like... Maybe there is a side effect of doing a lot of mindfulness, observation, meditation shit hmmm Something something regular and frequent practice of simply observing and engaging in deep but present thought sets the base line for both being able to relax and quickly fall asleep while still engaging in said thought AND observation soemthing something It's something I do have to look into cause its fucking interesting And I have talked about it to my doctor and as long as I'm feeling rested in my sleep, particularly night sleep, and Im not falling asleep suddenly, its NOT a medical issue