#so this is the easiest way since i dont want to lose your message

[gay-jewish-bucky]

got your ask and i just love you so so much and im so happy for you, im also so amazed to hear from you too ❤️ i will always love cat pictures and headcanons no matter what, even when my brain is messy like it is now

[tsumusamu]

nice receive [miya atsumu x fem!reader]

genre: fluff and (once again, a sad attempt at) humor

word count: 3.8k

summary: eight months into your relationship, atsumu takes you to meet his family. things don't go as planned, but of course, everything ends up alright in the end anyway. alternatively, miya atsumu adores you and his family thinks it's easy to see why.

warnings: uhhh implied sexual content at the end but it is like barely there ok

commission for @ muppetz (it wont let me tag for some reason ugh) thank you so much for commissioning me!

a/n: this ended up being way longer than the word count requested but that’s no one’s fault but my own because i dont know when to shut the FUCK up anyways i hope this one shot is enjoyable lol

content under the cut!

You literally never thought that you would ever end up in this situation.

"C'mon babe, why the long face? Ya nervous or somethin'?"

"No." You purse your lips, huffily averting your gaze from your boyfriend's smirking face.

"Ya don't needa be like that." Atsumu drapes an arm across your shoulder, pecking your forehead as a sort of reassurance. "No one could ever hate this cute face, after all." He accentuates his words by squishing your cheeks, drawing out a yelp of protest from you.

"If you keep talking like this, you're gonna jinx it, you know." Your words come out softer and more hesitant than intended, and you startled even yourself at how utterly anxious you sound.

"Yer gonna be fine. Trust me, I wouldn’t take just any random girl to meet my folks, and they’re well aware of that." Atsumu ruffles your hair.

"I just... I hope they're not..." You pause for a moment, trying to find the right word. "...Disappointed?" You grimace when your boyfriend suddenly throws his head back in such voracious laughter, that you swear you saw a few hysterical tears.

"Are ya jokin'?" he all but wheezes. "Yer the libero for the national volleyball team, for God's sake. If anythin', I'd be the disappointment here."

"'Tsumu — " you start, but he interrupts you by pulling you in for a comforting hug.

"Don't worry yer pretty head anymore, got it?" he murmurs into your ear. "Yer wonderful, and I couldn't be luckier to have ya. My parents are gonna love ya. Honest."

A small smile tugs at your lips as you reach around his back to hug him back. "I hope so."

A year ago, if someone had told you that you would end up having Miya Atsumu introduce you to his family as his girlfriend, you would've laughed until your ass fell off and your stomach ached like no tomorrow.

You had been absolutely overjoyed when you were chosen for the women's national volleyball team, and you were so eager to start playing with your new teammates that you had decided to attend the national team's training camp without hesitation despite your recent knee injury at the time. However, you completely overlooked the fact that you would be working with the men's team as well, which would've been completely fine... if not for Miya Atsumu.

When you first met Atsumu, he was the cocky, annoying little shit of a setter for the Japanese men's national volleyball team, someone who you were stuck training with for the next two weeks.

You still remember the first words he ever spoke to you.

"The hell are ya doin' there, lil libero? If yer not gonna be able to save the easiest ones, then ya might as well sub out."

You also remember the first thought you had about him.

'Prick.'

And the first words you spoke to him.

"Can't you look at this — " You had gestured angrily to the knee brace supporting you. "And take a fucking hint, or what?"

He had sent some unapologetic, biting words right back at you and that marked the beginning of the time you have had the utmost pleasure of knowing Miya Atsumu. The two of you had bickered rather relentlessly (not too unlike literal children, despite the both of you being well into your twenties) throughout the rest of the camp, and by the end, for some unknown reason through some unknown method, he ended up with your number.

He started texting you constantly, and as much as you tried to convince your foolish self that he was just a nuisance, you found yourself responding to his messages like an idiot anyway. Throughout the next few months, you learned that Atsumu was far more than just his overly confident demeanor; he's genuinely kind-hearted, down-to-earth, and actually kinda hilarious. And eventually — neither of you quite knew how — the two of you were staring across a table at each other in a fancy restaurant as if daring the other to blink and lose an unspoken game, on a first date that neither of you thought would go as well as it did.

A little over eight months into your happy and committed relationship, Atsumu suggested that the two of you go to his hometown in Hyogo for a weekend to visit his family. You had immediately agreed with his idea, excited to meet his parents and twin brother in person, but now that he's leading you out of your shared hotel room to go do just that, your stomach's knotting uncomfortably.

Atsumu's been nothing but supportive and comforting ever since you started showing that you're nervous to meet his family. He was always happy to provide a never-ending flow of cheesy words and warm hugs, but you're genuinely afraid of embarrassing yourself. You want to impress his family and not have them see you as undeserving of their son, who you truly care for from the bottom of your heart. Atsumu is your first long-term boyfriend, and you would jump off your roof if you managed to mess anything up during the visit to his folks.

The taxi ride to Atsumu's childhood home doesn't do much to soothe your nerves either, with you fiddling with your fingers the entire way through while Atsumu makes small talk with the driver. As the cab pulls up to the address that your boyfriend had provided earlier, you instinctively clench your fists so hard that you think you might bleed.

A look of alarm crosses Atsumu's face as he notices that you're still just as anxious as you were when you left the hotel earlier. He thought that the ride to his parents' house would give you some time to cool down, but that had clearly not been the case. His eyebrows furrow in concern as he reaches over to grab one of your hands in his, giving you a comforting squeeze.

"Just breathe, darlin'." He runs his thumb over the shallow nail marks embedded in your skin. "If it means anything to ya, my mom's a huge fan of yers. For real. I didn't tell ya this before, but she's especially excited to meet ya. Keeps yappin' to me askin' how I pulled ya." You flush.

"R-Really?" you stammer, wide-eyed.

"Really. Who wouldn't be a fan yers?" Atsumu grins, pecking your nose. "See, ya got nothin' to be worried about. Just chill out and be yerself, 'kay?" You nod, some of the tension releasing from your shoulders as Atsumu leads you out of the cab, hand still clutching yours.

You're feeling a little better now, though your thoughts are still running through your head at the pace of a mile a minute as you watch Atsumu pay the taxi driver and thank him for the ride. Atsumu's mother is my fan? Your ears start to heat up. I hope I can somehow live up to her expectations of me…

“Ma! We’re here!” Atsumu shouts at the top of lungs approximately one second after simultaneously ringing the doorbell and obnoxiously pounding on the door.

“Comin’, comin’, ya brat!” A feminine, yet strong voice hollers in return. You freeze on the spot, your mind going blank once again. It’s happening. It’s finally happening.

The door aggressively swings open, revealing a middle-aged woman wearing a pink apron and carrying a wooden spatula in her hand. Her dark hair is pulled into a bun away from her face and her eyes, the same chocolate brown as Atsumu’s, are gleaming with annoyance. She briefly glares at Atsumu for his rowdy entrance before her gaze catches onto you, and her entire face lights up with excitement.

“(L/N) (Y/N)! It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

“M-Mrs. Miya,” you stammer out, trying your best to smile but you’re sure it looked more like a wince. “It’s good to m-meet you t-too.”

"Aw, hey now. What happened to my feisty girl? It's not like ya to be so lame.” Atsumu lays his forearm on your head, effectively using you as an armrest. You jerk away, scowling.

“Shut the hell up, asshat,” you snap without thinking. About half a second later, regret slams into your body like a truck. Oh, shit. I just called my boyfriend an asshat in front of his mother. You were about to run off into the streets in utter embarrassment if not for Mrs. Miya letting out a hearty laugh way too similar to her son’s and linking arms with you.

“No need to look so scared, dear. I don’t bite. And it’s good to see that yer willin’ to put this brat in his place.”

“Ma!” Atsumu whines, pouting petulantly.

“Yer really losin’ out with him though, y’know,” Mrs. Miya whispers to you as she leads you into the house by your arm. “I’ve got another son; Atsumu’s twin. Osamu’s quite well-behaved. If yer just likin’ the looks, he would be the better option.” You can tell she’s joking by the merry twinkle in her eyes, but instead of humoring her you end up shaking your head with a quiet chuckle.

“I think Atsumu’s perfectly good for me.” The two of you pause to watch Atsumu practically sprint into the kitchen, and a few moments later there’s an agitated yell as proof that he was on his way to annoy his brother. You smile. “He makes me really happy, Mrs. Miya. You raised him well.”

“Aren’t ya just the sweetest thing?” Mrs. Miya coos at you, pinching your left cheek. “And so pretty too. I swear ya could probably clobber my brat at volleyball as well. You and yer teammate… ah, Miss Amanai? The two of you always caught my eye while I watched yer matches. Make sure ya let her know.”

You blush a little and thank her, making a mental note to tell Kanoka that. She’d probably find it extremely amusing, especially since she was the one who had given Atsumu your number in the first place (which, as you had found out months later, was because he had practically groveled at her feet multiple times. Dumbass.)

“Come meet my husband, (Y/N).” Mrs. Miya leads you into the living room, where an older, balding man with rimmed glasses is quietly flipping through a book. He gives a start upon hearing your entrance, clearing his throat and sitting up straight.

“Ah, hello!” Mr. Miya greets you. “I’ve heard a lot about you! From both Atsumu and the missus.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Miya.” You nod once in a respectful manner.

“It’s about time that he settled down with a nice girl. Make sure ya keep him in line though, got it, missy?”

“Of course I w — “ you start, but Mrs. Miya is already dragging you towards the kitchen. You smile apologetically at Mr. Miya, and he just laughs and waves.

“Osamu’s makin’ dinner right now. He is such a hardworkin’ and dedicated boy. Both of them are, really,” she rambles. “But Osamu sure can cook a mean meal. He and his twin always used to fight over who’s the better cook. But I betcha Atsumu hasn’t touched the stove since he left for university years ago.”

You debate telling her that Atsumu had made quite a decent meal for the two of you just last week to celebrate your eight-month anniversary (which you hadn’t even known he remembered), but before you can formulate the right words in your head you’re suddenly shoved in the path of an unfamiliar man. Well, not really unfamiliar. He has the same face as the boyfriend who you see every day, after all.

Miya Osamu is (as expected) the literal carbon copy of Atsumu; same strong eyebrows, same hooded eyes, same angular jawline. The only thing that easily sets them apart is his black, ruffled mess of hair in stark contrast with your boyfriend’s bleached blonde.

Mrs. Miya pulls Atsumu away from the two of you, demanding that he help her with some mundane task, leaving you and Osamu by yourselves in the kitchen.

An easy smile graces his lips as he sticks out his hand. “Hey, I’m Osamu. Honored to finally meet the famous (L/N) (Y/N).” You smile back, gripping his hand firmly and shaking.

“And I’m honored to meet the famous ‘Samu.” At your words, Osamu bursts out laughing.

“Man, I don’t really let a lot of people call me that, y’know? But if yer gonna be part of the family, you could be an exception.”

“F-Family?” You pause, your sudden confidence dissipating as fast as it had come.

“Naw, no pressure. Just sayin’.” Osamu casually continues with his task of shaping onigiri. “I can tell he really likes ya.” You raise your eyebrows in curiosity without entirely meaning to. “I mean, we’re twins, it’s like a sixth sense. And also he never shuts up about ya when we text or call.”

“I hope you’re hearing all good things?” you quip jokingly.

“Oh, for sure. If I didn’t know who you were I’d think that he’s talkin’ about the reincarnation of a goddess with the way he talks.”

“Seriously?” You snort, and Osamu just laughs.

“So I’d like to ask ya the favor of continuin’ to take care of him. Guy’s just a huge ass baby. I can obviously see that yer good for him, though. He wouldn’t have stayed for so long if he wasn’t serious.”

The two of you briefly glance at Atsumu helping his mother set the table. They’re currently debating over whether Atsumu should go back to his natural hair color and “Stop makin’ yer hair look like fuckin’ straw!”

“He is a huge ass baby,” you start seriously, causing Osamu to smirk. “But he’s an honest and good person, so I’m not too bothered. I’ll take care of him, promise.”

“Thanks.” Osamu sighs, glancing rather fondly in his brother’s direction. “He’s an asshole, but at least he’s a redeemable asshole. I’m glad he’s finally got someone around to take care of him. Makes us all feel a little more relieved since he’s away from home.”

You suddenly feel warm inside.

Atsumu had been right; you truly didn’t have anything to be afraid of. The Miyas have been nothing but kind and welcoming so far, and they even seem to already have a positive opinion of you.

“Can ya help me carry these to the table?” Osamu holds out a plate of freshly-made onigiri.

“Ah, sure!” you accept hurriedly, taking the plate from him with careful hands. You take slow, calculated steps towards the dining room; the last thing you want is to accidentally drop any of the food.

Atsumu and his parents are already waiting in the dining room, and they all look up at you expectantly as you approach them with the onigiri plate in hand.

“Why, thank you, dear!” Mrs. Miya chirps. “Helpin’ Osamu out! How sweet of ya — “

She’s cut off as disaster strikes.

You trip on your last step to the table, causing a single onigiri to tumble off the plate and towards the floor. Your mouth drops open wide as you practically slam the plate down on the table and in practical slow-motion, watch the onigiri plummet down, down, down —

Then you dive.

You dive towards the floor, in the same manner as you do when you’re digging for a volleyball.

And you catch the rice ball in one hand, laying flat on your stomach. You have a moment of mental celebration; yes, you caught the onigiri! Then you realize that you look like a fucking idiot as you lay face down with one hand extended and clutching a rice ball like it’s your lifeline.

There’s a few seconds of agonizing silence.

You want the earth to swallow you whole.

There’s no way that you could ever show your face in front of Atsumu’s family or even Atsumu himself now; God you’ve never been more embarrassed in your life, and over an onigiri too —

“Nice receive!” Atsumu suddenly bellows, clapping his hands boisterously. “(L/N) does it again!”

His brother, who’s standing a few feet behind you with a platter of chicken skewers, pumps his free fist into the air and joins in with a “Hell yeah!”

Mr. Miya starts laughing the same loud Miya laugh that you’ve heard way too many times today, and his sons soon follow suit. Shame is still flooding your body, but now you’re realizing just how ridiculous the whole situation is and you resist the urge to smile at your own stupidity. As soon as Mrs. Miya recovers from her initial surprise, she comes to help you up, and you can tell that she’s doing her best not to laugh as well.

“Are ya okay, dear?” she briefly inspects you for any sign of injury.

“All good here, Mrs. Miya.” You smile, genuinely and comfortably, as Atsumu comes behind you to wrap his arms around you and peck your cheek, still chuckling with a small note of pride. “All good.”

-

“See?” Atsumu’s smug as hell as the two of you enter the hotel elevator on your way up to your room. Osamu had dropped you off so there would be no need for another cab. “I told ya that they’d fuckin’ love ya.”

“Why’re you rubbing in something like this?” You scoff, dodging when he tries to pull you into a crushing hug.

“Because I was right.” He smirks. You roll your eyes to heaven.

“Well, you can’t blame me for being nervous! I still can’t believe that none of them got upset at me for diving for a rice ball at the dinner table.” You groan, hiding your face in your hands.

“Nah, why the hell would they? It was cool. Yer cool, Miss National Team Libero.” He laughs, reaching for you again and this time you let him bring you close to him. “Besides, like I said before, who could ever resist yer pretty lil face?”

“You’re a hopeless asshole.” You sigh, and Atsumu of course just chuckles, his laughter vibrating against your ear as you press yourself into his chest.

“I’m yer hopeless asshole.” He pecks the top of your head. “C’mon, babe. It’s our floor.”

You hadn’t realized how tired you are until the two of you enter your hotel room and you see the large, inviting bed. You practically jump onto it, burying your face into a pillow. “Goodnight…” you mumble sleepily.

“Ya gotta go shower and brush yer teeth first, idiot.” A pillow smacks you in the side of the head, and you leap up with a cry of surprise. “Damn, don’t be so loud, sweetheart. It’s late, y’know. Don’t wanna get a noise complaint like last night.” You turn bright red at the reminder.

“Shut u-up,” you retort. “I told you that we shouldn’t have tried to do it on the balcony.”

“It was fun, though, y’know! An experience. And ya sounded like you were enjoyin’ it, anyway.” He chucks another pillow at you, and you yelp as it nails you in the face. “Now get yer cute ass over here, we’re gonna shower.”

“You can’t make me.” You stubbornly lay back down and close your eyes, and you had peace for all but ten seconds before Atsumu’s plucking you off the bed and settling you into his arms bridal-style. Your eyes shoot open in shock and you flail desperately. “Put me down!”

“No can do. I’m not sleepin’ next to yer stinky self tonight, darlin’.” Atsumu laughs as you scowl.

“The floor’s always open for you,” you snap.

“Aw, yer no fun.” He steals a kiss from you in the blink of an eye; the only evidence of there being contact at all is a tingling feeling on your lips. You feel your heart melt just a little more.

“Fine. After we shower, we go straight to bed. Got it?”

“ And brush our teeth. Yer mornin’ breath is bad enough.” He lets out quite an unpleasant squawk when you smack him lightly in the shoulder. “Alright, sorry, sorry.”

“Is this just your excuse to see me naked?” you tease him as he sets you down on the bathroom counter before immediately removing his shirt to reveal his muscled torso. He grins wolfishly at you and shrugs.

“And if it is?” Atsumu’s eyes are zeroed in on the small hickey he had left right below your collarbone last night, which is now visible thanks to the way your shirt had rumpled after he had practically manhandled you into the bathroom.

“Well, I won’t complain.” You follow his gaze down to your neck, before glancing back up to meet his eyes and raise an eyebrow at him. “If you’re going to make it worth my time.”

About an hour later, the two of you are lying in bed together, effectively tuckered out and finally ready to sleep. Atsumu’s strong arms are wrapped tightly around you like a protective cocoon as you snuggle your face against his chest. The slow, steady rhythm of his heartbeat rocks you towards dreamland, and all the worries from the past day are slipping away.

“Hey, ‘Tsumu,” you mumble against his chest. He grunts tiredly.

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

There’s a small silence.

“...Thanks,” you finally say after a beat.

“Huh? For what?” he quips.

“For being patient with me today, even though I was so nervous. And for taking me to meet your family.” You crane your head to look up at him, contentment adorning your features. “I had a good time. I hope they don’t hate the idea of me coming around again sometime.”

Atsumu smiles that familiar smile, the smile filled with affection that others rarely get to see. His eyes are almost half-mooned with joy, his lips are curved up in genuine adoration, and his cheeks are flushed with color. You saw this smile for the first time when he set an incredibly low ball at training camp, earning the awe of everyone in the room, including yourself. Never did you think that you would ever have this expression of pure love aimed at you, nor did you think it would fill you with so much happiness every time you had the blessing of seeing it. He says nothing for a while, suddenly resorting to trailing kisses all over your face. You let him, closing your eyes peacefully as he showers you with his love, ending with one final peck to your nose.

“I'm sure they'd like to have you around again.”

And if Atsumu continues playing his cards right, he thinks there might be a possibility that in the next five or so years, you could truly become part of the family with a glittering ring on your finger.

Only time will tell if that possibility will ever come to fruition, but as you tilt your head up to give him one last kiss on the lips and whisper those three words to him, he knows for sure that he wants to continue building towards that future with you.

“I love you too.” He lets his eyes fall shut as well, before resting his chin atop your head and savoring the warmth of your body against his.

Only time will tell.

-

tip jar + commission info

general taglist (italics for people i could not tag):  @aomineavenue @intheawks​ @deltahemm​ @bap-kingdom @shegoeshexing @brinnnx @crescentsteel​ @ dokidokisama @smellssharpies​ @dearhajime​ @plutoxxxworld​ @kritiiiii​ @ muppetz @ iscreamtea @rizzyrisso​ @makeitrainonsomehoes​ @maraudusk​ @kybabi​ @tsumue​ @thischickwritessometimes​ @angrylittleriri​

[lupinzapezit]

hello i thought it was probably time for a state of the blog update so,,, if you wanna know where ive been and whats happening read below (tw for mental health / s.uicide mentions)

if you do read, please like this post just for my own knowledge

okay so first of all i rly hate to be making this post because i absolutely hate being that person in the rpc who just constantly whines and guilt trips people over their own mental health without taking steps irl to work on it. im not gonna go into a lot of detail bc frankly its a lot and i dont super feel like it. (also i feel like its only kinda acceptable when the Big Blogs post a lot of ooc which i am definitely not, like my value is only tied to how much content i output but thats something im working on in my own time and not anyones fault persay)

basically i had a lot of shit happen at the end of 2019 that cause me to go into a very low period and while i was working on improving from that time, obviously the world had different plans plus last year was my final year of uni. i moved out in february this year in the hopes that it would continue to help me heal but along with the fallout of some other events, it’s left me incredibly alone and with a fraction of the support network i once had. june was extremely rough for me where i attempted twice and nearly didnt make it to my 21st birthday.

pretty much with working in customer service and australia being in and out of lockdown constantly (which makes my work much busier because people contact us when they cant go into stores), ive barely had any room to breathe or to try and work through things? and because writing is tied to my goal career of film and thats been difficult as well, you can probably guess why ive been struggling lately to be on tumblr and to write.

now dont get me wrong i adore my muses and being able to write. bucky has been an extremely fun and interesting character for me to explore. i literally never thought i’d end up writing a marvel muse and its caused a lot of hesitation due to how i approach him and feeling insecure. which is fine! thats natural! and ive been doing my best not to project those insecurities onto the dash and my partners but because of how poor my mental health is lately, that means ive just been very inactive. tumblr has always felt like a place where if you’re not constantly active then you lose people and while i know that’s not necessarily the case, it’s still a struggle. when i am here, it just feels like yelling into a void which is not a great motivator.

so what does this actually mean? tbh i’m still trying to figure that out. i made this blog initially with the intent of it being quite small and focused on character exploration n the like and i do still want to keep that goal. there’s a lot to bucky i still very much want to write and explore which i havent because of various reasons. i dont necessarily want to leave but i feel increasingly unsure about my presence which sucks because i have made some very good friends in the last year and a bit stint ive had on tumblr since leaving my old main rpc. i dont really want to give up this passion. 

for the time being, i’m probably still going to be low activity and my presence on the dash will be minimal. if that turns you off, feel free to soft block or unfollow. you can tailor your own experience the way you want. replies are probably going to be more queued and i wanna put a stronger emphasis on longer threads and character/dynamic development as i originally intended. again thats not everyone’s cup of tea so if you wanna leave then feel free. but atm i dont really feel connected to my partners and mutuals which sucks and i wanna improve on that. btw if you are reading this and youre down with this, message me and say hi!! i know that tumblr rp has developed this culture of not approaching people (and i struggle w this too) but the easiest way to plot with me is just to ask.

so yeah! tldr; brain extremely sucks, been feeling very disconnected and uncertain about my muse/writing capabilities/general self esteem, trying to work on that by taking things at my own pace and having bigger threads/metas more infrequently. i’ll still be more active on discord of course but hopefully these steps will help me feel a bit better about being here. 

thanks for reading all of this if you did, i really appreciate it :)

[wincore]

“ATSUMU DISEASE” PLEAAASE THE DRAMATICS 😭😭😭 UR KIND OF RIGHT THO..... ITS AN ILLNESS! and omg YES i also started feeling a lil sumsum when he teared up at the food/note from kita 😔😔 hq knew what they were doing with that scene... I LOVE UR LIL RANT!! LIKING ATSUMU IS A SPIRALING EXPERIENCE SERIOUSLY I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN!! also the writing possibilities with them r endless because everyone in hq is so ridiculous and funny and lovable

THE AMOUNT OF MONEY ID PAY TO GET A LOOK AT UR WIPS 🙄🙄🙄🙄 dont throw around “drabbles” and not expect me to be knocking down ur door... WAITIITI DRABBLES AAAND DOODLES?????????? MOONIE PLS GIVE US SOMETHING!!!! I WANT TO SEE THIS ART.. WHETHER ITS A DRAWING OR IN WORDS.... (why do u have so many talents)

“I keep wondering which god I pleased to get u” stop before i propose 😩😩💍

YOOO WAIT IT FEELS LIKE ITS ALL COMING FULL CIRCLE... ur yangyang fic is not the first fic of urs ive read but it was the first one i left a message about!!!! so u already know im a die hard wincore-yangyang-fic fan 😭😭😭 THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!! but if u end up writing jaemin’s i will also be super happy bc its been like ?? over a yr since ur last jaemin work!! both ways work for me 😋😋

also i dont know much about adhd but i do know how rough it can be to both struggle & invalidate your own struggles!! pls know that whatever u feel is valid and that it always takes some time to come to terms with new information abt ourselves! take ur time and don’t be too hard on urself!!

- tata!! have a great day ❤️

LET ME BE DRAMATIC IT'S MIYA ATSUMU HE'S SOOOOO infuriating??? Is that the word?? but also rlly lovable. my friends are clowning me for liking him but hello ???

timeskip miya atsumu hmu pls 😍😍 (hope these don't count as spoilers, I just have so many screenshots of him and oikawa from the manga it's embarrassing)

I am literally at the bottom of the spiral and now I'm going to dig my way further down.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT??? they're just made to be so loveable and they have all these cute info about them like ??? reminds me why it was my comfort anime in the first place and now there's even more characters to love 🥰

PLSSHSJS YOU'RE TOO NICE theyre literally my bored in online class doodles so they're too funky to post 🥴 I started posting some drabbles on my hq but it's going to be a secret for now HSHDJDJ I'm so sorry tata 😔 if you happen to find that account too though...... 😳 Though mostly, I want to start planning n writing series on ao3 (ahaha I keep saying that but rn I only have energy for drabbles 😞) if you propose I might say yes btw just saying 🤩 you're second only to miya atsumu and oikawa tooru <3 HSHDJDJ

AHHH I keep losing motivation to write for nct but for u I might just complete it in time 😡😡 (and I mean it genuinely this ask made me open my yangyang doc shdjdkd) rip to jaemin tho he's the easiest to write but I wanted to branch out (my bad) I wish i returned to him sooner 😳 thank you for the encouragement tho!!!! you are the reason behind my writing career 💘

and thank you for the kind words like !!!! they mean a lot coming from you 😭you really know how to say the right words huh,,, god blessed tumblr blog wincore with tata no kidding. As always, I hope you have a great day/night ❣️❣️❣️

[vivitalks]

I secretly want to be a singer-songwriter but I have no talent (as in I dont have any training except choir and musical theater)

okay, well, first of all, you’re gonna have to stop saying you have no talent. if you start out thinking you suck, you’re never gonna recognize when you don’t. also, i don’t have any training in singing except choir and musical theatre, so you’re halfway there!

if you want to be a singer-songwriter, here’s what i recommend:

learn an instrument. seriously, any instrument, even ukulele. actually, if you don’t play anything yet i recommend learning ukulele, because they are easier, cheaper, and more convenient than a guitar or a piano, and just as functional for singer-songwriters (see: dodie). obviously playing an instrument is not REQUIRED for being a singer-songwriter, but it’s a HUGE help if you’re by yourself, and especially it’s good for keeping melodies and for taking recordings and for staying in tune and just, in general a really really useful (marketable!) skill.

listen to a lot of music. listen to so much music. listen to a ton of the kind of music you want to write, but also? just listen to all kinds of music. every song is an idea you can steal, and i mean that. (you can only steal the idea though not the lyrics)

make a list of song ideas. what that means is make a list of anything that has any meaning to you at all. big or small. you can put your mom, your dog, your favorite book, the best vacation you ever took, climate change, on and on. the list is supposed to be hella long. this is your ideas list. you can come back to it when you’re having writers’ block.

write sentences about things! i keep a document called “unclaimed lyrics” which is where i put any one-off lyrics that i think of that don’t fit into any of my current songs but i can maybe go back to and use in a future song. that’s another really good way to kick writers’ block.

as for actually writing, different people do it differently, but i would recommend the following: 

think of something that makes you feel a lot, and write about it. anything you have strong feelings about. anything you love or hate, anything that made you euphoric or tragically depressed.

write a “thesis”. obviously this isn’t a real thesis since this is music not english class but what i mean by that is that sometimes it can be easy to just start Writing Words and totally lose the plot. at the top of wherever you’re writing your song, just write a sentence or two about what the song is actually about - what’s the point? what are you saying? for example: “this song is about how my sister is always there for me.” BAM. now whenever you’re feeling a little lost or unsure of what lyrics to write, refer to your thesis to remind you to stay on message (so to speak).

try to imitate the style of artists/lyricists you really like (for example i love ed sheeran and taylor swift and noah kahan and julia michaels - all fantastic lyricists whom i recommend). you can take rhythm, chord progressions, rhyme schemes, and ideas from any singer. do it!! do it. i stole a chord progression from a julia michaels song and then just transposed it up a half-step. steal. do it. 

pick a rhyme scheme. ABAB? AABB? AABA? ABCB? the possibilities are endless but it’s good to know what kind of rhyme scheme you’re going to use so you have a little bit of framework.

rhymezone.com, thesaurus.com. these websites are your best friends. i promise it’s not cheating.

if you’ve done the melody before the chords (on your instrument of choice), figure out what chords work with it. the really awesome thing about guitar and (i assume) ukulele is that you can actually transpose the key suuuper easily with a capo, so don’t sweat whether or not the actual key is right for you.

if you’ve got a chord progression, write a melody to it! ideally with words. i guess some artists know how to write a melody and then cram words into that space, but i am not one of them. for me, it’s always easiest to know what i’m going to say before i work on how many syllables i have to say it.

wow i wrote a lot about this and i could probably go on but consider this a beginner’s guide. i do pretty much all of this stuff and i have it on semi-reliable authority that i am a good songwriter so you can trust me! and if you do write a song, let me know! good luck!!!

[rynne311]

Not Alone

Request: batsis! reader fic where the R is around 16/17 and is really badass and no one messes with her and she doesnt take well to her brothers and bruce because of previous family members who mistreated her. but then one night she doesnt come home and Jason finds her while on patrol with her face covered in bruises and her knuckles are bleeding. And Jas is concerned and stuff but she says something like "i won dont worry" and she begs Jason to not tell anyone in the family. Love your fics! Xx

&

Hi can I make a request for a batsis reader where she’s like 16 and she’s from the streets and Bruce takes her in and she’s really shy and closed off because she has a hard time trusting people but Jason talks to her to try and get her to open up more? Thank you!

Requested by: Anon

Word Count: 813

Requests are Open HERE.

Trust is hard earned, but easily lost.  This may be your second family, but they hadn’t earned your trust, especially after your first family had lost it.  You knew you hadn’t done anything to earn their trust, and dodging afterschool pickups did nothing to help that.  You just needed to be out of that bubble for a while.

Once you found out about your father and the family he created, you thought things were supposed to be easy.  Wasn’t money supposed to make things easy?  Especially when all you knew was fending for yourself, usually when your worthless stepfather had blown any money you’d managed to save with his bookie.  But you quickly found out that your father’s money didn’t solve everything.  It didn’t repay every debt and it certainly didn’t heal trust issues.

The longer you stayed out, the worse it was going to be once you got home.  You hoped it wouldn’t be as bad as it used to be with your mom and stepfather, but you wouldn’t know until you finally made your way back there.  Despite knowing how bad your punishment could be, you just couldn’t bring yourself to go back to the manor just yet.

“You look like you’ve been to hell and back tonight,” you heard behind you.

“You should see the other guys,” you shot back. “I don’t lose fights.”

You turned around to face the Red Hood head on, but you let your defensive stance fall.  He’d helped you out of a bind more than once before you had a fancy last name.  He could clearly see you hadn’t had the easiest night since you’d left school, and his approach demonstrated that observation.

“C’mon, Y/N,” he coaxed. “You need to get off the streets for now and cleaned up.  I’ve got a safe place near here, and I want to check your face and knuckles out before you go home.”

“How do you know who I am?” you questioned, standing your ground in the alleyway.  You liked Red Hood, but you didn’t want to make any extra trouble for yourself right now.

He checked all around before removing his hood and domino mask and urged, “This is why, now come on and I can explain more later.”

Growing up in Gotham, you knew there was very little the city’s heroes guarded more fiercely than their secret identities.  So if Jason were willing to take that leap of faith on you, you knew it was in your best interest to go with him.  He quickly returned the mask and hood before leading you out of the alley.

Normally you would’ve walked back in uncomfortable silence, but you were both curious about the other.  Jason knew he would have to share with you before you would share with him.  By the time you got back to the apartment, you both had a grasp on some of the tougher parts of your young lives before moving into the manor.

As Jason cleaned up your bloody knuckles and inspected the bruises that littered your face, you could tell he was impressed at how well you’d fended for yourself.  You couldn’t help but feel relief that he didn’t ask too many questions about the scuffle that caused your injuries, and for the first time you could really remember, you felt like you weren’t alone and you finally had some on your side, looking out for you.

“Just sit tight, I’m going to buy you some extra time,” Jason told you as he picked up his phone and started dialing.

“Hey B, sorry I forgot to let you know earlier, but I picked Y/N up from school today,” Jason said into the phone. “Yeah, I took her to some martial arts class so she could start to learn some self defense stuff and she got really into it, but she got hit a bit too.  I told her she could spend the night here at my place before anyone freaks out about any bruises.”

“Why’d you do that?” you questioned as soon as he hung up.

“Because even though I think you should probably talk to him about everything that you’re going through and have gone through, I get that right now you’re just not ready for it yet.  And that’s okay, you’ll get there, but for now I want you to know you have a safe place to step away from everything.  I grew up around some of the worst in Gotham, and I get a lot of what you’ve witnessed first hand,” Jason explained. “I’m here for you, Y/N, any time you need it, and you’re always welcome to crash here.”

Trust was definitely hard earned, but you’d finally found someone who showed you how much they were willing to work to earn and keep yours.  It was nice to finally be able to trust family.

Tags:

Everything: @societiesholyskittle @pickyblue12

Jason: @jason-todd-rh @princessowly1234

Batsis: @sunshine-n-daisies

Want to be tagged?  Let me know via message or ask box!

[i-love-marvel3000]

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20, 21-53, 54 ask game

1. Favorite place to write.

On the couch

2. Favorite part of writing.

It helps me be more creative 

3. Least favorite part of writing.

Emotions 

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

not really

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

other fanfic writer I guess? idk 

6. Favorite character you ever created.

never created an original character in a fanfic

7. Favorite author.

don't really have one since I'm not a big fan of reading unless its fanfic 

8. Favorite trope to write.

whats a trope?

9. Least favorite trope to write.

again, whats a trope?

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

@stark-spangledbanner​ and idk but something probably cute and fluffy

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

umm its different every time I write, I mostly tend to start a fanfic by write the beginning then end up bouncing to the end then filling in the middle

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

read peoples comments on my fics 

13. How do you deal with writers block?

listen to music and read other fanfics till inspiration hits

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

lol none, I will make shit up before I research stuff or just ask a friend if I have a question 

15. Where does your inspiration come from?

everywhere, other fanfics, tv, conversations I have, songs

16. Where do you take your motivation from?

my fans/ readers 

17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day?

I tend to either bust out a whole one shot or I drag it through the mood for like a week, there is no in between 

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

re read it to find errors, then have a friend re read it and give me there ideas if I should change anything 

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

Bucky was sitting at home waiting for you to arrive and to see your face when you saw the meal he had made.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

An hour passed and there was still no word from you. Bucky was starting to panic now. He called you, no answer. He called again, no answer. He sighed in frustration and called one more time, no answer again, he left a message, “Doll, I’m really worried about you. I’m coming to see if you’re alright.” Bucky slid his phone in his front pant’s pocket, grabbed one of his jackets and headed out the door in search of you.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

Bucky instantly pushes him away from him, “don’t touch me.”

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

2

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

both, sometimes it needs multiple povs but sometimes it only needs one

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

umm idk, what prose?

25. Linear or non-linear, and why?

both, depends on the situation, sometimes you need to throw a flash back in the middle of a story 🤷‍♀️

26. Standalone or series, and why?

standalone, because I tend to lose inspiration when I do series and then never finish them

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? 

sometimes, if I need help with something

28. And who do you share them with?

a friend / one of the fams

29. Who do you write for?

self / school / everyone who reads my work 

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

Theres a moment of silence and then Bucky’s eyes widen, “holy shit, y/n am I high?” (from Pot Brownies)

31. Hardest character to write.

so far wanda

32. Easiest character to write.

Bucky

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

yes, always

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes?

both, mainly typed though

35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story ________.

anon didn't specify a story 

36. A spoiler for story _________.

anon didn't specify a story

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

“`writing is just as powerful as reading to boost your vocabulary” (an elementary teacher I had) 

38. Have you shared your outline of your story ________ with someone? If so, what did they think of it?

anon didn't specify a story

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

nope, well not yet, I haven't done any Sebastian Stan fics yet, just Bucky

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?

fanfics

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

right now I only have 2 going, but normally about 3 or 4

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

its fanfic so its based of the characters, sometimes for clothing I just look up the person then find a pic I like and describe the clothes in the pic

43. Are you an avid reader?

not really

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

I dont really get feedback but when people are like omg that was so amazing can you tag me

45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

again I dont really get feedback so none

46. What would your story _______ look like as a tv show or movie?

anon didn't specify a story

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

plot

48. Favorite genre to write in.

don’t really have a favorite, cause when I say ima make this story blah blah blah (like fluffy or angsty) its ends up going the whole opposite way

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

definitely the middle

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

probably Satan’s Poop 

51. Describe the aesthetic of your story _______ in 5 sentences or words.

anon didn't specify a story

52. How did writing change you?

it hasn't really changed me, probably just made me more creative 

53. What does writing mean to you?

writing is one of my ways to cope with emotions 

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

Never quite writing, even if you don’t think people want to read your stuff, because there will always be at least someone who wants to read your creations and those creations can inspire someone as well 

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #5: "his Kirby ass can shut the hell up” - Marie

Charlie being safe!? Yas. Good for me since he is part of my alliance.

An alice them challenge. Uh yass!! 🦑 i have the book so i can quickly look thru it and find people, items, food, and other stuff which is good for us. I dont want to go to tribal.

nicolegilmoreToday at 7:42 PM That was probably Kaleigh bc I would open messages and not answer them

that was about when we played before and she was part of a 3 person catfish. but funny enough it still applies to this game!!! love when she leaves me on read for 20 hours

So I feel good with my standing in this tribe tbh. I feel like I have made meaningful contributions to the tribe in challenges and have a good rapport with a few tribe members. Keaton and Marie might be the easiest too get out, even though I am aware that it makes me a threat but we been used to that feeling. Having the idol as extra security as well makes me feel good so eeeek. I just want too survive to merge and link up with new people and people who i know as well, and play off that. im super nervous but also excited, i just hope to god we win this immunity

At first I thought this Alice and wonderland challenge was going to be super fun an exciting. At first it was. Now its getting a little frustrating and annoying seeing Not Found (something along those lines). I'm hoping that our 28 items is higher than the other tribe's or at least being a tie. I want to avoid tribal still because still feeling sketch about this tribe.

Our search isnt doing too well. And nicole went missing and dont know she is. We have 28 items. Hopefully thats enough but i have a feeling in my stomach that it isnt and im scared. Dont want to go to tribal. Hope we win though. 🤞

if kirby does not tell me his great great great great grandmas waffle recipe hes done for. like why bring it up if ur not gonna share. ??? um we won immunity again and im so happy bc i dont want to go to tribal bc even tho there are MULTIPLE ppl i want out i dont want to risk it. stan list right now is dennis, naptime, matt, marie. everyone else? and matt and marie barely on there too... but um actually starting to like them and theyre more responsive now so love that! by the end of this game ill actually know things about alice in wonderland wooh!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay so this sucks. We all really tried hard and we only lost by 2 points which is so frustrating. Not to mention that Nick and Charlie couldn't even find anything at all. And now we're in a really shitty spot because sending Nick home would be an easy out but he possibly has this legacy advantage thing which he can use tonight and if that means he's safe than idk what to do because I have a strong alliance with the other 4 people on my tribe. Which means now we have to come up with a plan to make sure Nick feels safe and he doesn't use his advantage but we still put the majority of votes on him. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Okay I'm laying it on thick with Nick. Really trying to play the middle and see where his head is at. I think honestly chances are Nick will make it through this round but I want to make sure after the vote he still trusts me but he does use his Legacy Advantage. Brian and I are walking a very thin line.

Yas. We won immunity again! 🦑 Still on of the 3 people not go to tribal yet which is pretty awesome. I’m now hoping that Charlie, Sharky, and Brian can find a way to survive again. Don’t want to lose any of them. Hopefully we merge soon. Its going to be down to 12 people after tomorrow’s tribal. Only ones to really talk to me on this tribe is Dennis, Bryce, Keaton and sometimes Matt. Havent talked to much to Marie. And Nicole ive tried but ignored. If anything it would be cool to blindside Nicole at first tribal in the merge.

I think im going to talk game to keaton today and see if we could work together. And im also going to see what Bryce thinks about us working together as well. Im just nervous if tonight we do merge at tribal, i dont want to be first boot. I want to make it far in this game.

I don't know if my last confessional went through, so I'll just send another one in hehe...

I do feel like Charlie is going home this round because of his idol play last round, but it could also be Nick going or him using his Legacy Advantage and all that being gone.  I don't really know, but I want to make sure it ain't me and that's what's important.

As for other things... love Sharky, what a king.  Love Nathan, another king... Annabelle's really cool, ya... I love Charlie but he's still probably gonna die... and ya kjHDA... that's all I have to say...

Scared for merge because L O fucking L... that's going to be a mess.  It could be coming tonight, but I really do not know and I'm scared…

Keaton decides to call me inactive in the tribe chat but his Kirby ass can shut the hell up, he's just bitter I voted against him the first tribal and he's tryna put the target on my ass. Thank god we won the challenge because I don't know if I would've stayed. I have good relationships with Bryce Matt and Dennis but I don't know if that's enough to keep me.

So first off. Sorry for no video confessional. But not enough happened to bramble around and take 3 hours of my internet for uploading slow AF but here is a small summary of what happened to my game. Idolsearch: went to the tugley woods again. I guess you need a map to find your way through it, but what do i know D: Last tc: Charlie played his idol and mentioned publically that all of his old tribe knew about that idol anyways. What kind of made me a bit suspicious. Mainly because when he told me, he said that he really wants to work with me and thats why he is telling me this secret. I don't mind that the idol is gone, but if he told that everyone? mhm... I approached maynor to see if he knew and he said NO. so maybe I did a whoopsie? WHO KNOWS.

Eitherway. Anna announced a "live challenge" after this tribal (oh yeah we are safe again woo), but since we would be down to 12 I wouldn't be surprised if that "live challenge" is actually the merge announcement? If not. I think EVEN IF WE LOSE i should be in a decent position? Because Keaton couldn't keep his mouth shut and when it came to sitting someone out and called out Marie in the tribe chat. Bad move for him, good for me. Because even if we go to tribal unless someone really wants to target me for some reason it should be between those 2

Okay so we've come up with a slightly complicated plan. Looks like I'm going to lose Charlie this round which makes me kind of sad because I really get on well with him. But it's what i have to do to get further in the game. We're going to split the vote so The Dinah Dudes vote fro Nick. The OG Absolem people vote Charlie. Anna tells Nick he needs to use his Legacy Advantage so we get rid of that from the game. I just hope I come out of this without hurting Charlie or pissing off Nick.

AJ just used an emoji that CHANGED. MY. LIFE. It's like praying and trying to stay calm and then fire happens and it says BOI! And if that isn't a fucking mood idk what is!

Y'all I am so bad at this idol hunt. I keep choosing locations that don't even have choices. Yikes. Everybody else has advantages and shit and I'm just sitting in an empty meadow.

I’m sad we lost i actually tried for this because I didn’t want a complicated tribal but bleh Idk how this will work but I think it will work out for the best potentially if it goes the way I’m hoping. I loved this comp though the hosts did a great job with it. It was actually fun

With merge approaching I think that it’s important I remember I really don’t owe anything to the people on my tribe... they voted out Jayden and told me nothing and I think it’s time for some revenge.. all you people in the viewing lounge stay tuned... Ima show you why I’ve never not made a merge!

I’m not sure if it’s day 13, I’ve been safe every single round and I have absolutely no clue how I am doing that.....Dennis is my one and only ally. Hopefully it's merge time!

Honestly, I think I might be going home lol. Brian and Sharky are telling me Nick but no one else has messaged me. Severely regretting using my idol now lol.

Hope my bois have still got my back, even though I haven't been that helpful in challenges recently. I'm hoping it'll reduce my threat level for merge hehe

Ive been talking to Bryce and wants to work with me. This is great. So on this tribe i have Dennis and Bryce and perhaps even keaton. So just nervous for live challenge.

LAST MINUTE SCRAMBLING. Sounds like Nick is trying to flip the vote on Brian. he asked Nathan and Anna to flip off of Charlie. So Now Brian is worried (Which is totally fair) because he doesn't know if he can trust Anna. So even if Nathan/Brian/I stick to the plan, if she flips and Nick uses his advantage Brian goes home. So now he wants to flip his vote so worst case scenario it goes 2-2-2 and we can fix things on the revote. Ugh I hate scrambling. I prefer my tribals over easy.

Charlie is voted out 3-2.

[amuelle]

Surprise, surprise…YOU ARE the poison.

We are officially in 2019. All the people who were being cut off in 2019 have been cut off. You might just be the toxic person and now you have to deal with knowing you aren’t that great. As I just found out recently….

(Names were changed in the production of this post to protect the identity of participants…but she knows who she is and I’m not sorry….)

I think it’s important to maintain relationship and it’s not difficult to do. I’ve always prided myself on being a great communicator and maintaining relationships. I know I’m not the easiest person to love or get to know. It also takes a lot to get past my initial ‘hard’ exterior. Deep down inside past the sarcasm and smart mount…I’m really a sweetheart….Really. Its something I have complete security in. I know this about myself, I am a great communicator and friend. I was absolutely certain about it but I recently found out that that is not the experience that everyone has had with me. I rarely make new friends, however on occasion you meet someone who can make a valuable contribution to your life in the form of a new friend. I met this one lady – Lola, a long time ago when we were kids. We only became friends when a mutual friend reintroduced us in our 20s. We became a girl gang who hung out every weekend and grew close over a few years and it was a great time.

Part of adulating is accepting you aren’t always a ray of sunshine, you too can be a trash human being at times. Just because you don’t think something about yourself or are convinced you are a great human being that doesn’t make it true. Let me make a personal example – I know I’m loving and know how to show love. Just because I think I’m loving that doesn’t mean that everyone in my life agrees with that.  It doesn’t also mean that that’s how they experience me. My belief that I’m loving doesn’t negate the negative experiences people have had with me.

Recently….well not recently, Lola cut me off a long time ago but my slow ass only caught off after actually confronting the issue with her. We had a spat and I still admit I acted like a dick and I apologised for it when I realised where I had gone wrong. I apologised profusely. I apologised like I was Ruben Studdard and it was 2004, like Kobe did when he was caught cheating….I APOLOGISED…On more than one occasion and I thought we were solid but this was not the case. After noticing her distance herself I decided to reach out because maybe she was just living her life and still wanted to be homies. She didn’t respond to my text and I started to worry but I didn’t have the courage to address it. So it persisted to bother me and finally I reached out again and still no response but this time a bitch had some balls and asked why I was being ghosted. She finally responded saying “Because you are ill-tempered and thus incapable of communicating your hurt without being hurtful or catty to other people. This is my experience of you and I would rather not deal with that kind of energy”

(ROW OF SHOCKED EMOJIS AND SIDE EYE)

(THIIIIIIS BITCH)

I’ll admit that I was shocked and I wanted to further engage in the conversation but then it HIT me, she was right. In this specific scenario I was the poison. I had been a dick to her and she didn’t want to deal with me which was super fair. Did I agree with her a hundred percent, no not at all (let’s say vehemently disagree because I’m fucking awesome) but that didn’t matter because for her she had decided and she had cut me off.

I’ve seen that meme all over the socials about how if I’m the poison in your life don’t feel bad about cutting me off, we are grown and self care is important and blah blah blah….ABSOLUTE SHIYYYYTE! That shit hurts. It hurts, you will feel blindsided especially if you thought the issue was resolved. You may or may not get mad and you might want to act in the exact way that you got cut off in the first place. And that is EXACTLY what I did…..I totally did. I let my lil ill-tempered ass get to work. She clearly hadn’t thought it was of any value to notify me she didn’t want to be friends anymore and I wasn’t about to beg another woman like she gives me rounds. If I hadn’t apologised sincerely more than once I would get it but alas we were here now and a bitch got pride. After she gave me the answer I needed I also ghosted her. Then proceeded to delete her off ALL social media, whatsapp groups, deleted the reminder for her little birthday… I was all DELETE, no pause!

The deleting was definitely a knee jerk reaction. However I am NOT willing to swallow my pride and go back to talking to her about it because I am the POISON. It doesn’t mean I should just lay down and die. What exactly would I be trying to negotiate there???? I’ll tell you what, NOTHING!!!! Not one thing because she doesn’t want my friendship and that’s not a bad thing at all. Effectively, this person just said she wants nothing to do with me and that means everything relating to our former friendship had to change. I couldn’t be the only one in it and by keeping her number and keeping her on social media was just that. It’s a break up, break ups suck but they also teach you things. I am ill-tempered and don’t communicate well when I’m hurt.…BUT WHO DOES??? How many people can say at the height of experiencing the emotions that come with betrayal or an invasion of their privacy they will talk in a calm rational and thoughtful manner?  I can’t say that for myself. In fact the person who can communicate their hurt that way, I’d like to meet. I’d like to shake their hand, sponsor their life and follow them like people used to follow The Grateful Dead….. (And I’m serious!) As for being catty…shiiiiiit….I wrote that book, wrote the movie adaptation, executive produced the sound track and there is talk of a theater production. Yes, YES, YES she was right.

It takes a minuet for you to realise that your feelings are making you act a certain way. That certain way might make you not to be the most gracious human being. That said that text made me feel like I hadn’t grown, changed or learnt anything since. She drew a conclusion and it was a fair one because that was her experience. I don’t have to like it for it to be true. I am NOW not quick to be a dick but that doesn’t mean irrevocable damage wasn’t already done. I don’t dispute that at all and nor do I wanna change her mind. I’m only human and I made a mistakes. Just because you apologise it doesn’t mean the other person is obligated to accept your apology. Not only that, they are not obligated to try grow through something with you. They don’t owe you anything….(let that sink in, lets also repeat it for the people who read and don’t absorb immediately…..NO ONE OWES YOU A DAMN THING!)

Now rudely awoken to my toxic traits I am obligated to do better. My problem is/was that I need to use my words better at all times, especially when I’m upset. It’s not fair to lash out but it’s also impossible to gauge how you will react when your privacy is invaded or you feel betrayed. We all have knee jerk reactions and sometimes it hurts the people around us. BUT!!!!!!!! And this is a big BUTT… I mean stripper from Atlanta round and brown big. You are HUMAN!!! You will make mistakes and if you don’t grow from them then you deserve to be cut off and then cut off again coz you know better but don’t do better.

Someone can experience you in a certain phase of your life and assume that’s who you are. That’s who you were at that moment maybe when you aren’t heated you aren’t that person. That doesn’t matter. How many of us go back to the stove to get burnt some more after having been burnt? You won’t go back to get brunt again, but you still need to use the stove to cook. You just now need to be more careful. It’s crazy and irrational to think someone would see poisonous traits in you and stick around to see IF you change. There is no guarantee that once the issue has been raised and apologies exchanged that you will change. If they don’t give you the chance to show them you have changed, you aren’t their lover and even if you were they have every right to still leave you if you are not fulfilling your mandate. Don’t be selfish enough to think anyone is obligated to put up with your torture.

Torture yourself and let the rest of us LIVE!!! That said in this situation since I am the poison I have to understand that I was the weakest link. Even though I felt slated because in her other friendships she had given chances and let others change and grow to be better. In our situation maybe she reached her breaking point quicker or our friendship wasn’t that important to her such that we could try work through things. I’ve decided to KTSE( Keep The Same Energy). If you don’t want to try with me I’m not going to try convince you I am worth it. I already know I am (wow that whole paragraph sounds so defensive….oh well)

At this point It’s not about loses and gains, it’s all about peace of mind. Lola did what she had to do. By asking and her telling me she is done with me, it gave me what I needed too. I’m solid right now. I absolutely prefer this to the purgatory of a one side friendship. I know better now and my intension is to always be cognisant of the way I deliver a message even when I’m hurt. You have been cut off for a reason and that reason should be a starting point for you being a better human being.

At the time of writing this I hadn’t seen her in a LONG LONG time. When I finally did, I was with a mutual friend and I avoided her like the plague. If I saw her left, I went right, like I was playing ‘you can’t catch me’ and that was the ill-tempered petty in me…I feel fine about it because it’s good to know we are nothing to each other. I am also grateful she showed me that I need to do better and I intend to do so.

[survivorelara]

Episode #6: “"NOT ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE" - Big Z

Even though I misplayed my idol, I cannot believe that my incessant need for wanting Toby gone actually fucking worked. Like. I will be taking the credit for this one because I just fed it to my peoples and had Loris know about it and just controlled his emotional vulnerability. I would have been good without having the idol either... so wig- I fucked up on that end but WOWZA it feels good to actually lead a vote, see the vote go the way you want, and have my target argue with someone who HE thinks started this revolution. Hehehehhehee

bruh im getting major Byzantium teas right now... where my og tribe gets decimated and only two of us actually make it to the merge. right now theres only 3 of us left and just like then if only 2 of us make merge we're gonna start off as swing votes, then everyone will target us.  please don't let that happen Byzantium wasn't my greatest org experience

LMAO SO DANI THINKS WE ARE DEAD TO HER BECAUSE WE BLINDSIDED HER AT THE LOUISE VOTE? poor girl. you're playing a vivor org, get over yourself. you better pray to GOD we don't lose or that you have an idol... because your ass is done otherwise. one way or another, like I said before, only 2 zosma's max are making merge lmao…

In the middle of the challenge, so this confessional will have to be brief. I can definitely WIN this challenge, but I do question if that's the best for my game. The other tribe had a unanimous 6-1 vote, so now it's an even 3-3 split over there.

If we win, it's possible that either they'll go to rocks, or one of the Revati's will flip to save themselves? (Because it's unlikely the Auva are dumb enough to flip on one-another since that'd give us majority in the merge.)

However our tribe is currently a 3-2-2 split, and while I don't THINK the two sets of two are working together, I can't eliminate the possibility that they'd gang up on us to eliminate one of us and evening the numbers for the merge.

It's difficult to say where this whole tribe will end up shaking down, but I'm hoping to avoid Tribal if I can help it. The less Tribal Councils I go to, the more options I have going into merge because I won't have necessarily hurt any feelings by voting a particular way.

Well, I crushed the challenge, scoring all 5 points on my tribe, everyone was talking about how I carried them... which already has me worried given my history of being labelled a challenge beast after only having one good challenge.

But at the very least no tribal, I'm curious if we'll be merging at 12 or if it'll be some other number. Guess I'll know soon enough, but it's nice to have a break for a bit, and I think I'm doing pretty well on bonding with others so as to better my position.

Dylan still never talks to me. So ideally he'll be gone soonish, either by us losing the next challenge or him serving as an early merge boot. But even if he sticks around I doubt it'll be a major problem.

MY HOPE, for the other tribe is to send home Drew or Roxy (preferably Drew since I know Roxy and can work with that I think), to split up that Power-Pair as Drew was a fool for spoiling that. I don't really care who goes so long as the Revati's stay, and if we DO lose

Now if I could just find a damn idol... or SOMETHING.

HELLO LITTLE MIX AND NICKI ARE COLLABING I REPREARJT  HHHHHH THEYRE COLLABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Lawrence is so nice and so pretty. I would die for Jack. I would cry for Jsck. I will climb a mountain- and I hate walking. oh thats climbing I hate that too. Jack is nice Jack is kind. I shit on the Jack haters. He is just perfect. He could do nothing and still be thebest non-lead host. (Ya AJ shuttup) Anna Jane is PERFECTION. Erik is cutie she is cutie and I love AJ n Erik. She is hot and if I was gay i'd fuck. She is good listener and perfect and beautiful andeveryone get u a friend like AJ bc she is a BIG ASS MOOD in my life like stop being so perfect thanks

Sometimes I get confused about which day we’re on, so hopefully it’s day 14 lmao. The other tribe snatched Toby & I’m not surprised. Auva didn’t just make a mistake that will hinder themselves, but it will also affect what’s left of og Zosma. The Auvacados could’ve worked with Toby to start taking down Revati, but it would seem that they’re still out for vengeance. Toby was setup to be in a swing position, of course he’s gonna feel out both sides before choosing one. Now Auva is split with 3 on each side & I don’t see any of them flipping, unless og Auva is gullible again. Drew T. didn’t trust Revati either because he wasted an idol on himself even though Toby voted in favor of him. Flops.

Kori is legitimately a godsend. He c a r r i e d Revati in the challenge by scoring all 5 points that we needed to win. He says that he focused hard & waited for the messages to pop up which mind you were separated by intervals of several minutes in the span of 4 hours. Kori is a very humble dude & tries to downplay his capabilities, but he’s the GOAT. Maybe even the shield I needed. :O

I’m not too worried about Dani at this point in time. If Revati happens to lose then she would probably be the easiest to turn people against. Everyone participated in the music video challenge while she was the only one that did not, and she has a habit of sitting out. Sam told me that she hasn’t talked to him since the day we blindsided Louise & I’ve gotten the same treatment. Since I’m “dead to her”, I think that making a move against Dani pre-merge would benefit me in the long run. This would also change everyone’s perception of Sam and I to being non-threatening come merge as we don’t have the number

tea time sisters! toby was a king but was a threat and I have to see the benefits in him going. this tribal is going to be eventful I think... because I think I’m getting votes because roxy seems to really want me gone??? but i have a plan that I think will work :))))) I tell John to vote out drew t or roxy and I say that I know he doesn’t really want to vote out drew h so I’ll settle and sacrifice for drew t. if he’s fine with voting roxy then I tell him that I think I can get drew t to vote her too, and then we can vote him out next, when in reality we’ll vote out drew h next. if he wants to vote drew t now then I tell him me and z will do it too when hopefully z will vote out roxy with me and drew t instead because roxy is trying to get one of us out. ezpz . In fact we could even vote drew h. it’s all tea. I really hope z and John are loyal to me, I think z will be, and I think I can just play with me saying I trust you to John over and over. cute!!!! I stay winning... I can’t believe that I .. actually have a plan... that’s t it’s so easy idk why I couldn’t do this before my mind is just so powerful now? also auva idol is GONE and that’s fantastic and also I got legacy bitches!!!! only 7 more bitches need to go then I can use it :)

Soooooo half of this tribe is just completely inactive during the most important hours of this game prior to tribal. It’s SO FRUSTRATING because even if I want to make some sort of strategy with them it’ll take them at least 2-3 hours to reply to me. I cannot do this for too long. The other issue is that people are sooooo hesitant to throw names out, and when you do throw a name out literally EVERYONE hears that you started it and it gets turned on you. That happened to me when I said John’s name once to Roxy last tribal. I worry it’s about to happen to Loris suggesting Roxy too. We’ll see how it plays out, if I end up dying I’ll at least go on an active note rather than an inactive one.

THERE ARE TWO HOURS UNTIL TRIBAL AND LORIS IS THE ONLY ONE HERE

Whew another tribal and everyone is like absent again!? Wow we love productivity! Trademarked by the Celestial ORG! Please, come buy some productivity!

I hope we merge soon. My goal is to make it to merge without going to tribal. Idk how my tribe would pan out, we got a few inactive asf people. I dont have an idol but I really want one . tbh I'm so glad I took my break bc I'm not focused on winning im just focused on enjoying myself and my game while it lasts and I feel like its significantly improved my game.

Okay so Loris isn't talking to me but he's talking to other people so I'm being TOLD they're going for Roxy but I don't really believe it, I think if an idol is played, I'm dying courtesy of him and Z. Just gotta keep the faith in my people tbh

We doin big z vut doing loris kihhtve been better cause of her connections vut my nothing much I can do. I dint Rlly like the mrtge we r hesding into we r hella in minority

sometimes i forget im playing a org because all we do is win oh i got an idol btw hihihi

Honestly I am happy Toby went. HE WAS A BITCH! He wanted me out the the first round. Now to get Sam and Ciere out next. Expect Tea motherfuckers. Anyways, literally I have not talked a lot. I have gotten to know Kori. He is a shady fuck, I know that from past experience but I need him. I talked to Emma or Emmy or whatever the fuck her name is too. She seems really sweet.

ok so I think me and Ci'ere are bonding, which wow I never imagined that I would have a social game. I still haven't messaged Dani or Kori which is something I should do. The fact that they haven't messaged me, coupled with the fact that I'm alone on this tribe cements the fact that I am the obvious vote. Brb let me try to make connections.

SO we lost again, and my broken phone prevented me from participating in the challenge. Looking at this based on the challenge I should be leaving, buuuut I am going to be voting big Z out tonight, and because the auvas don't want rocks, they are going to do what I want. I have wanted this guy out from a game standpoint from the very beginning, but once you throw my name out there it's very hard to get back on my good side. Loris is going to be annoyed with me I am sure, he was trying to manipulate the situation between us but I could see right through the whole thing. I had a call with Roxy and she made an alliance with us and the two drews. She seemed to be worried that I would want to stick with loris and Z but I knew immediately what I wanted to do. I am really hoping that a merge will happen next, and that this move will not deeply affect me right away.

Big Z is voted out 4-2.

[hyrulez]

My 2017

Let me tell you something. I suffered A LOT in 2017. So much that I found an appreciation for the previous years. There’s been countless of times I’ve wanted to end my own life. I almost took it away twice from those two times. One in April and one last week. Don’t worry, I’m okay now.

I’m hoping to work towards a better me in 2018, even if the suffering continues. As it’s said “If there is no struggle, there is no progress”.

In 2017, the biggest subject consuming my life was relationships. I don’t particularly find myself attractive. I feel that my appearance is rather boring. My personality could be better. I think I’m too loud yet introverted. Annoying and always being problematic, in which I’m hoping to change in the upcoming year, we’ll get into that later.. I was shocked to find out there have been people this year that wanted to be in a relationship with me.

One of my best friend’s fell in love with me. It was a shock when I found out in March, yet I had some moments where I suspected he could have feelings for me. What really shocked me was how hard he tried to be with me despite being in a relationship. He would tell me “I can’t wait to get our own place in Pennsylvania” “You want to name our child, Charlotte? That’s beautiful.” “I’m gonna visit during the holidays but I’ll make sure we have our alone time.” I admit, I did have very little feelings for him but it was only because I felt like I was being noticed for once. It felt nice because someone gave me attention because in the relationship I was in, I didn’t get any. However, I didn’t see myself with him but he kept insisting that we would be together. It caused a rift in our relationship.

Unfortunately, the while situation blew up, everyone found out, making it a bigger deal than it really was. Not only did I get into fights with my boyfriend at the time, but the guy who had feelings for me, and his friends, which were also mine. I had this one friend who I was close to, he took the guy’s side and it really left me heartbroken that he would say he’d remain neutral but ended up siding with him. I really thought we were close but I guess not that close. Now, that name I’ll reveal because he’s important in my life later on. His name is Gerard.

From all the fights I got into with my friends and boyfriend, my life life became extremely stressful. It happened in April, my lowest point in 2017. Imagine, having no one to talk to. None of your friends. Your boyfriend doesn’t care or even pretend to care for your well-being. Those other friends you made recently or acquaintances, you’d act okay in front of them because if you tell them “I want to end my life”, they would freak out. In April I was truly alone. I came home crying everyday for two weeks, sleep from 2 to 7, kept my phone off because no one wanted to talk to a problematic girl. I started thinking who would I put into my suicide note. My boyfriend, my friends, my family. I couldn’t draft a letter because I had no motivation to do so.

I don’t think anyone should have the feelings of suicide and depression, especially on their birthday. Unfortunately that happened to me. My birthday was terrible because only a few of my friends actually said something to me. My boyfriend acted like it wasn’t my birthday and tried to ignore the subject. I’d say about 4 or 5 people said happy birthday to me in person. I wanted that day to be over. I felt like such a waste of space in this world.

In June, things started to look up only because I started work and school would end. I could finally be away from the root of my problems. My best friend going off to college even though he wasn’t there for me the entire year. I understand. He had other things to do. We barely saw each other anyways. The high point in my life was when I started working at a day camp. I realized how much I love kids. I made friends with not only the campers but staff. Despite me being one of the youngest workers there and my introvertedness, I made connections with people in their early 20s through 50s. I miss them all. I wish I could tell everyone there that they my life worth living.

I threatened to leave my boyfriend if he didn’t change for me. He did change. Only for two weeks. Realizing it now, I should of broken up with him at that time because the love died when he deserted me. Leaving me to be alone, but when I’m happy, he’s around. I noticed something in our two year relationship, he’s “emotionally unavailable” I’d tell him my problems, he would say “do whatever you want to do” I’d say “I want to die” he would say “don’t be like that” I’d tell him “Change your ways for the final time or I’m leaving” He would say “If that’s what you want” He stopped telling me he loved me, or well to me, I don’t think he ever loved me in the first place. We got into a relationship very young. He thought I was cute and I was essentially pressured by his friends and mine to like him back.

A friend of mine was hit and killed by a train in August. I couldn’t function correctly for an entire week. Every time I drive by those train tracks, I think of him. I sometimes wonder how much pain did he endure when he was hit. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. Not even a week later, a singer from one of my favorite childhood bands killed himself. Another few days of me not being able to function and wondering “how could I have prevented this even though it’s nearly impossible?”

September rolled around very quickly. I enjoyed my job so much that I became depressed not being able to see everyone until 2018. Unfortunately, that mindset corrupted my study habits and motivation. I sometimes skip class which isn’t something I normally do. I wouldn’t do the easiest homeworks and projects. Essays is something I excel at and it gets my adrenaline pumping, weird to say, but I wouldn’t even do those. I had an ugly mentality which wouldn’t help me since it’s my last year and my gpa could definitely be improved. I failed two classes the first marking period. Math and English. I’m hoping to not make that same mistake again.

I’ve never been to homecoming. My friends wanted me to go since everyone else is. I really did not want to go because my boyfriend did. As a joke, I started asking people to take me to homecoming. I was so sure that I wasn’t going to go. Remember that friend that was caught in the middle of that whole boy drama I had in April? Gerard? He asked me to homecoming. He showed me a sign and initially I thought he was trying to get my approval before he shows it to the person he was asking. I was shocked. Me? Now, Gerard is very popular and very attractive. He’s very known in my school. He’s extremely likeable. Why would someone this hot ask me to a dance?

I almost cancelled going to hoco because my dad was looking for plane tickets to go to Puerto Rico, to help my aunts, uncle and grandmother who were caught in hurricane Maria. My mom scolded me since I told her Gerard was taking me and I was going to tell him I couldn’t go. I went to homecoming.

Homecoming was the best moment in 2017. I started feeling comfortable with Gerard to the point where I held his hand. I kept thinking, he would be a better boyfriend than my boyfriend would be. I also thought that I’m a terrible girlfriend for thinking that but Gerard treated me better than my boyfriend. I felt so happy with him. That night my feelings for him grew. I thought to be bold and kiss him on the cheek, and that’s exactly what I did right before leaving.

I told my boyfriend I had feelings for Gerard. I was surprised at his careless reaction. We thought I was just infatuated with him and feelings would go away soon. I wasn’t planning on telling Gerard how I felt about him. That week I kept pushing it with my feelings for Gerard, bragging about him to my boyfriend. It was too much for him that he ignored me for that week. I started texting Gerard and hanging out with him outside of school. I told my cousin I had feelings for Gerard. She tried to get me to stop since I was with someone. I understand why she did that and I don’t blame her to this day. I texted my boyfriend we needed to talk, I don’t have feelings for Gerard anymore. That was a lie, my feelings became stronger than ever. I screenshotted the conversation. I meant to send it to my cousin but I ended up sending it to Gerard thus confessing my feelings for him over text. I ignored his messages and calls that night. I knew he was worried for me as a friend but just a friend. I was scared of losing him and my boyfriend the next day. My boyfriend said we needed to take a break, he’s going to decide if we break up or not. I cried too much that morning.

Gerard texted me to meet him. I wasn’t going to, I thought he was just going to reject me. He told me he had feelings for me as well. When he said that, I honestly forgot about my boyfriend and all the troubles from that week. From that point on, Gerard and I became a secret. Only my cousin and her “kind of boyfriend” knew.

We kissed for the first time days later. I felt so happy, but also guilty. I had the questionable boyfriend. Later that week, the questionable boyfriend invited me to go out to dinner with him and his family. Funny thing was, I was making out with Gerard before getting ready to go to the dinner. I was hoping that he would do something to sweep me off my feet and we’d be back together. That was a terrible night. He ignored me like he always does. He was on his phone, like always. His family also made fun of me like they do sometimes. Most of his family only speak Spanish. My Spanish isn’t the best. I can understand but not speak. They were asking me questions in Spanish and mocked me. I almost cried at the dinner table twice. I texted Gerard about my terrible night. Dont get me wrong, he wants only the best for me, even if that means getting back with the other guy. Gerard comforted me through out that night. I fell in love with Gerard that night just through his kind words that my “boyfriend” would never even think of saying.

I knew at this point I was going to break up with the guy. I didn’t want to make him upset so I held off officially breaking up with him until I found a good way to let him down. Gerard’s favorite place in the school is that photo room, he’s an amazing photographer. I visited him because I barley saw him during lunch. I kissed him a few times. When I started to talk, Gerard turned his head and he kept staring what was feet away. One of our best friends, staring right at us in disbelief. Remember, no one knew of us except for two people. I explained to her that I’m tired of bring ignored and unloved by someone who I give my whole self to.

My best friend told me she’s moving a town over and needed someone to help pack boxes. I admitted to her that I have feelings for her best guy friend, Gerard, and I was really scared because she made a joke earlier in the week that if we got together she would kill the both of us. She was actually supportive of us! She said “he doesn’t deserve you anyways..” I was confused by that. I told her to elaborate on that. She told me that the “boyfriend” cheated on me in May/June, with another guy he met online. I felt so much anger in me I began to cry. I cried for about two minutes. I knew he was bi, so am I but..I don't know, it's a shock to me that it was a guy. Why couldn’t he just broken up with me instead? You cheat on me while I wanted to kill myself. You've never done a thing to help me get better when I was upset.

I came up to the guy and exposed him. “I know what you did in June” “What?” “The guy from Morocco?” “Oh yeah, that was a one time thing” “I can’t believe that you couldn’t stay loyal to me” “I mean, it was a one time thing” “okay, I’m breaking up with you. We can stay friends but I don’t think I can ever see myself with you ever again” “Okay”

I know saying this looks bad on me but as much as I say I’d never stay with a cheater. I was actually thinking of giving him a chance if he apologized for what he done. He’s officially my ex, but he's still my friend. Best friend actually, we still talk. It's a little weird because I still have some feelings of resentment towards him. He told me he's pretty sure he's gay. People still think we date because we talk as if a boy and a girl who used to date can't be friends..

I had to deal with shitty friends in December which resulted in me dropping many of my “friends” Long story short, my cousin’s “kind if boyfriend” was actually the boyfriend of a close friend of mine. Everyone blamed me for them breaking up because I just happened to be there when my cousin met him. I don’t care.

Later, the stress of the holidays, school, friends, and the death of a singer who I looked up to go to me so bad. Remember the guy who was in love with me? He told me he’s still in love with me. He tried breaking me and Gerard up. I finally got the confidence to tell him to back off. If he tries anything again, I will drop him. Going back to what I was saying, I wanted to kill myself again last week. While I was trying to nap from the crying and headache I had, I got a message from my best friend's boyfriend. He threatened to kill himself if she did. I wasn't going to let that happen. That would be on me if they both died since he told me. I was surprised that I actually helped the both of them. It was hard. My headache was getting worse. It was really rude but I thought that it was annoying that I had to deal with two people that want to kill themselves when I want to as well but no one was helping me. That's selfish for me to think, especially since I never told anyone how terrible I've been feeling lately. I cried every day last week. I stayed home the day after having the worst day of 2017. I started thinking how worthless I am. I wrote something close to a suicide letter, just a collection of my extremely negative thoughts. I cried while writing it, I kept thinking of Gerard and how heartbroken he would be if he were to ever read something like that. I want to thank him for being there for me. My biggest supporter in 2017. I was extremely negative that entire week and he still stayed with me. I was surprised that people do stay for you at your worse. The people who do genuinely care for you and love you.

It’s New year’s Eve. Last hours of 2017. I hope to be a better me. I hope that I graduate in 2018. I hope to stay in contact with my friends in 2018 and drop the toxic friends. I hope to be humble in 2018. I hope to be a better girlfriend and to be blessed with great adventures with Gerard in 2018. I hope that whatever happens to me, I know that it’s temporary, it will get better. I hope to love myself in 2018. I hope you do too. I hope 2018 is a year of goodness. “Love myself, Love yourself”. Here’s to the bad and good in 2017 that made me the person I’m going to be in 2018. Here’s to 2018.

[survivorelsalvador]

EPISODE 7 - I Love Our Tribe And Don’t Want Anyone Out - Regan

(If a confessional is just a gif or a picture then it was most likely Veronica, winner of Jeju Island, uwu <3)

LILY

Well. My plans to take out queen Dana have failed. Luckily she still trusts me and kai. So I'm in a good spot. I trust Richie the most and hope we can make it far. But honestly I feel like I have no real alliances so I could be in trouble too. I wish that my immunity win wouldn't have been wasted on someone being med evacted. I wanted to make a damn big move! Haha oh well, I guess there is always next time. But I suck at trivia. Soooo it will probably be sooner rather than later. Wish me luck....

ZAKRIAH

brooke has always been better than flick idk why she gets so much slander flick is fucking stupid

KAI

AHHHHH WILLA WENT SO NO MORE STRONG MAJORITY ALLIANCE. *sad face*

ASHTON

*Talks shit about rob or whatever*

LILY

Sorta nervous that Dana will stop trusting me based off of my FTC speech in Bahamas. I hope this isn't the case but I'm a tad worried. Also I still feel like I have no real allies and I ain't gonna get 7th. Your girl really needs 7th or an FTC shortly or I'm gonna lose it. Hopefully we make merge after this vote but I have a feeling we will have one more immunity.

AUSTIN

Almost had a mental breakdown and quit because y'all think you're XD comical roflcopter funny!!!!!!!!! But you're not

DANA

"Heylo

1) Ashton and Richie are targeting me. Why? Probably because I never talked to them. This is 100% my fault. Oops. Glad we don't have to go to tribal this round because I literally sold my soul to the trivia challenge/

2) I'm trying to work with Lily and Kai in this game...after voting them both out of another game VERY recently... bad strategy? Definitely. Just bring me back to Willow and Zak.

3) I'm 99% sure the idol clues are leading me to something that has to do with... JLo. Honestly, wouldn't be shocked if I'm right, this seems like something Rob MIGHT do. If I'm wrong? This is going to be a VERY embarrassing confessional to read at the end of this game. If I'm right? We'll then things could be looking up for me! "

RICHIE

"awkward i loved for dana and she's still here because willa got another strike so i still havent talked to her or addressed the fact that she def knows i voted for her bc i completely ignored her before tribal because im a flop lmao.... i was going to throw the immunity so we could just vote her out again this time but then with the resistance that austin gave last round against voting dana + lily told me that dana/kai/austin/lily started an alliance before the last vote i didn't want to risk it so we won and yay i guess??? i need to step up my social game or like just talk to anyone because i'm sucking big time i can see myself being an early merge boot with the fact people might think im a challenge threat and my lack of connections.....

on another night im conflicted because when i found the idol it was with the help of chips i had asked him about the clues he got earlier in the game and i was talking with him bouncing ideas off eachother to try and figure it out and when i found the idol i said something so now he knows i have it which is fine because i trust him but im dumb i should have just kept my mouth shut and kept the idol for myself bc im going to need it going into the merge but i asked chips if hes getting voted out and he said no one on his tribe is talking to him so now i might give him the idol................. but if i give it to him and he doesnt play it and doesnt give it back i'll be pissed and if i give it to him and he uses it and he's not getting votes im going to be pissed... so the chances of me being pissed are like 66%??? idk im not good at math but its chips so ill do it for him if i think it will save him so that i go into merge with one good ally "

NICHOLAS

hi hey hello so i still don't really know what im doing so lets hope i dont go home ; - ;

JOSH

https://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/gremlins/images/f/fa/Gizmo.PNG/revision/latest?cb=20090920192843

WILLOW

I wanna vote out chips bc he doesn't talk a lot

REGAN

This round was hard because we have to vote Chips out, he knows hes going (might have an idol? says he doesnt). its just I love our tribe and don't want anyone out. I love willow but honestly Id rather have her out than Chips at this point because I adore chips. But I might as well go with my alliance or theyll get mad so.

CHIPS

"It has been a long time coming me making a confessional for this season.

I want to thank you hosts again for being so gracious giving me time to get settled in my new state and living quarters and being flexible with your requirements. I'm sorry it has taken me this long to give you my thoughts, honestly.

In summary of my experience so far - I don't remember much from the first tribe as I think we were only there for one round and then got swapped. If that is not the case it must have been at a time where I was barely on the computer.

We got swapped and I was the first picked in a schoolyard pick by Lily who's this really sweet person who really wanted to work with me in another side season that I was playing in!

Our tribe didn't have tribal and did really well and then we got randomly swapped again (I think it has something to do with the number of quitters?)

Anyway, that initial tribe did well in challenges and got clues and then Richie asked to see the old clues that I had gotten at other times and he deduced where to find the idol and he found it. And so that's cool...

When we got swapped the second time I got swapped onto a tribe where I had not been on a tribe with anyone else and it was a double tribal with individual immunity. I knew I had to win because of everyone I'd be the easiest vote since there'd be no previous connection.

I was immune and then this person named Bulgaria left instead. Anyway, then we had to do some trivia which was pretty fun until I got busy the next day and missed nearly every post of a question - our tribe lost and I was shocked to find that the hosts didn't even do that basic thing where you can give up all the points to force a tribe to go to tribal for an advantage that has become popular recently.

Anyway, our tribe is going to tribal so I message everyone to ask them about the vote and stuff and no one gets back to me except for Regan. Regan just wants me to give her a name so I tell her Zakriah because he was the last person of this group to accept my contact request having done so just at the end of the last tribal council.

Anyway, eventually Nicholas messages me to tell me that he thinks there's an alliance of Regan/Zak/Willow/Josh because they were all on that tribe together and that they are going to be voting between either me or him.

Richie messages me and asks if I think that I'm maybe going. I tell him that no one is really talking to me and tell him that Nicholas told me about that ""maybe"" alliance and he says he'll find out if he can send me his idol. Richie sends me the idol and tells me that I can play it to stay safe since no one is talking to me, but if it's not the majority vote he's going to be mad at me.

Well, I can't guarantee if this group of people isn't all self-voting since no one is talking to me so I am going to play it and vote for Josh instead of Zakriah. I figure that a random vote for another person if the rest are voting the other way will at least shake up some suspicion if there is a group as to who cast it.

Gosh! I really hope this isn't just a really inactive tribe and that there really is some secret plot against me. If not, these players all need to be medically evacuated as soon as possible, because trying to speak to them is worse than Mattie from Atomic Survivor Death Valley."

"[7:24:00 PM] Regan: what do we do [7:24:00 PM] Regan: I [7:24:37 PM] Chips: I... don't know tbh. [7:24:52 PM] Regan: I feel bad either way [7:24:54 PM] Chips: I mean, I voted Josh so I kinda wanted to stick with it. But then like... I dunno. :/ [7:24:54 PM] Regan: who flips in a merge [7:24:55 PM] Regan: honestly [7:24:59 PM] Chips: Me. [7:25:02 PM] Chips: I flip in a merge honestly. [7:25:16 PM] Chips: Like.. you really think I'm not going to. [7:25:17 PM] Regan: UR FLIPPING [7:25:18 PM] Chips: >.> [7:25:22 PM] Regan: well fuck [7:25:24 PM] Chips: When EVERYONE VOTES FOR ME TO LEAVE

Um... I?"

REGAN

THIS IS THE MOST STRESSFUL TRIBAL OF MY LIFE. BETWEEN ZAKRIAH AND JOSH AND I CANT VOTE OUT EITHER. BECAUSE THEYRE MY FAVES. AND LIKE ITS NOT EVEN FAIR TO ME.

[allcheatscodes]

resident evil 4 gamecube

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resident evil 4 gamecube

Resident Evil 4 cheats & more for GameCube (GameCube)

Cheats

Unlockables

Hints

Easter Eggs

Glitches

Guides

Get the updated and latest Resident Evil 4 cheats, unlockables, codes, hints, Easter eggs, glitches, tricks, tips, hacks, downloads, guides, hints, FAQs, walkthroughs, and more for GameCube (GameCube). AllCheatsCodes.com has all the codes you need to win every game you play!

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Genre: Action, Survival Horror Developer: Capcom Publisher: Capcom ESRB Rating: Mature Release Date: November 9, 2004

Hints

Strongest Gun!

After unlocking the handcannon, buy it from the merchant (it will cost 0 pesetas). Save up your cash to upgrade it. When you can get the exclusive upgrade the handcannon gets 99. 9 firepower and unlimited ammo!

1 Shot 1 Kill

As you get farther in the game zombies will get harder to kill. To save ammo, if there are only 1 or 2 zombies, just use your pistol and shoot them in the head they will be dazed or dead if there dazed run to them and kick them then if there still alive hack them with your knife.

Invincible Merchant

This is a glitch I discovered in the game. This glitch makes the merchant invincible for a time. To do this, equip the Mine Thrower, and, at point blank range, aim and fire it at his face. The mine should explode instantly. You will be thrown back, but he will still be there. Once this happens take out any weapon, and shoot/throw it at him, he won’t go down. I just have 2 warnings about this glitch. First of all, you will not be able to talk to him in this state. Secondly he will only be in this state until you go to a door that takes you to another section (a door that has a mini cut scene when it opens), and if you go back and shoot him, he will die, and you won’t see him again. I also recommend that you have infinate health using Gameshark or Action Replay, this makes it so you don’t have to worry about killing yourself when you use the Mine Thrower.

Easy Boss Kills

After you beat the game for the first time, each time you approach a boss in the game, you’ll for some reason always have enough money to purchase a rocket launcher. Unless your saving for the infinate launcher, it would be best to buy the normal Launcher for the bosses.

Ambush Congregation In The Castle For $$

In the castle area, right after engaging the Bugs in the sewers, you will see a large group of Ganados Zealots in mid prayer. If you spook them they will run away, and you miss out on ALOT of money. Right before the sewer they give you a flash grenade. SAVE IT. When preparing the ambush on the congregation, go north then swing across the chandelier. When on the other side look down, and try to hit them all with a flash grenade to stun. Immediately jump down and run north to their exit point so you lock them in. If you have an incendiary or frag grenade you could use it here, other wise line them up for some shotgun carnage. They will each drop a spinel and their leader drops an Illuminados pendant, worth around 32000 altogether.

Chicago Typewriter

To get a machine gun called the Chicago Typewriter, succesfully get all 5 plagas samples in Assignment Ada.

Infinite Launcher

To get a Rocket Launcher with endless ammo, the Infinite Launcher, complete story mode once. It will be on sale for 1,000,000 pesetas.

Burn Them

If any zombie has a torch in their hand shoot their hand or arm and they will burn themselves.

Never Lose All Bullets

All of you ppl use those headshots to take care. Not me. Go shoot a zombies knee. He’ll get stunned. Then go right to his face and press A. Leon will kick and the zombie and the zombie is dead. This saves a bunch of ammo, which is what you’ll care about as the game goes on.

Max Out Your Health

About halfway through chapter 2-1, you can max out your health. When you get to El Gigante(the giant, ogre guy), you can find a yellow herb in the area. Look for a green herb in the houses if you don’t have one. Mix the herbs together and use them. Let El Gigante kill you. You should be able to find the yellow herb again and your health will keep its extension. You can do this until your health maxes out. This is the only place it works, so do it there.

Lethal Weapon

At times you can open a door to get the attention of an enemy. Then step back till they are at the door trying to get through. When and if this happens double tap the A button to kick the door open. If you did it correctly it will knock the enemy down, then you press the A button when it shows to suplex them and somestimes it kills them.

Yellow Herbs?

That’s right, combine these with a green herb andnot only do you get your health back but yourmaximum health will upgrade, just like an RPG.

Kill The 2nd Head Easier

Save your flash bang grenades because if you blow their head off and the zombie grows another one throw the flash bang and its head explodes this can save a lot of ammo.

Another Way To Kill Krauser

If you encounter krauser with Leon the best way to kill him and save ammo is by pulling out your knife and simultaneously slash him. Be sure to have a green herb or a first aid spray because chances are he will fight back.

Get Eaten By The Alligator

Go to the pier near the lake and shoot up in the air with a pistol at least 7 times and the alligator should come up out of the lake and eat you right off the pier. Make sure your at the end of the pier.

Get Pimp Suit

Beat the game on Professional. This will also give you Ashley’s armor suit. She cant die!

A Really Good Gun

When you are searching for the little blue stones everywhere when you find 10 you can get a gun for free. For an even better gun shoot all of the little blue stones (15 stones) you will get an even better gun.

One Hit Kill El Gigante

Other people are gonna tell you to use a shotgun or butterfly gun on el gigane, but really the easiest way to beat him is using a rocket launcher. It kills him in one shot, so don’t mind spending 30,000 to get the gun, cause after you beat him your getting 15,000 back anyway. If you don’t have the launcher though, a few grenades don’t hurt.

Beating Krauser

Right before you fight him you’ll come across a camp and you go underground and meet up with the merchant. By then you should be able to fully upgrade the Broken Butterfly. Do it because when fully upgraded it kills any boss in four to five shots. I killed Krauser in five shots without aiming at his head, even at his knees it counts. One shot to his knees and one to his chest 2x, then one final blow to his knees. Enjoy sending this bad boy commando back to training.

Sell Dat Gun For A Little More

When you want to sell one of your guns for another gun but you wont have enough, just reload the gun and it will be worth more.

Catching Ashley

In some levels you have to walk around with ashley behind you, and she cant do everything you can do by herself. Like when you jump down from a spot you will see “Catch” at the bottom of the screen. Push The “A” button and she will jump down and you will catch her. And There are some spots where you can make her hide in places. Do This With the “X” button.

Easy Money

Once your in the caslte always check behindpictures of Saddler, you will find 5,000 goldeverytime.

Ashley’s White Underwear!

When you enter the castle stage, go to places where you go down and catch Ashley from the top. Except don’t catch her, instead you pull out your rifle (if you have one)and zoom in for look on a white underwear! To get a better look buy the better scope from the merchant.

Chainsaw House

When you first enter Pueblo, there is a house on the top right (if you look on your map, the one near the center spot) This place contains ammunition and the shotgun and a grenade. If you want the shotgun, do not go in there until you’ve cleared out the villagers, because a chainsaw villager will come! simply waste all the villagers till they leave, then enter the house, the shotgun will be right there, clear out the houses without having fear of being attacked for the chainsaw bagman can kill you in one slice of his chainsaw, and since your in a small building, this is very likely.

Dog Rescuer

In the beginning of the game after you pass the big house and small hut, you will encounter a dog trapped in a bear trap. If you save him, he will then help you defeat the first “El Gigante” later in the game.If you don’y save him, you will have to kill the “El Gigante” without his help.

Assignment Ada

To get a game where you play Ada, complete story mode once. Assignment Ada will be found at the main menu.

The Mercenaries

To get the mini-game, The Mercenaries, complete story mode once. The Mercenaries can be found at the main menu.

Matilda

To get the rapid-fire handgun, Matilda, complete story mode once. You will get a message saying that you can now buy Matilda.

Hand Cannon

To get a powerful gun called the Handcannon, get a 5 star ranking on each level, with each character in The Mercenaries.

Shotgun At The Start Of The Game

At the very first of the game, at the very first town, after you kill all of the civilians, search all the buildings, in one of the buildings upstairs is a shotgun hanging on the wall. There should be some ammo for it on the table too.

Chainsaw Lady

After you defeat the zombie people from coming in the house where Luis helps you, you could go two ways. If you take the way near the sales man then you will have to fight a chainsaw lady. You should start off by making Ashely hide and kill all the zombie people in the area. You will see a pit but leave Ashely hiding in the trash can thing, dont bring her with you. You need a rocket launcher for this. Once you jump into the pit the chainsaw lady will come with those zombie people. All you have to do is aim your rocket launcher at her and fire. You will be hurt alot so be sure to have a first aid spray or some herbs cause the villagers will jump into the pit after you kill the chainsaw lady.

Kick That Door Open!

When opening a door, double-tap the A buttoninstead of pressing it once. If you’re not at acontinue point, you will kick it open instead ofjust pushing it!!

Saving Bullets

There are lots of boxes and barrels that you canblast open with your gun, they will contain allsorts of items, however, you also wanna keep yourbullets. Instead of shooting the boxes, hold downL and press A, you’ll swipe at the boxes with yourknife. This trick can be used to break windows,display cases, locks and bear traps. Also if youknock a villager down, try knifing them whilethey’re on the ground as one bullet does keep themdown for a little while.

Sell It For More!

You will obtain some items that aren’t worth muchinitially as a trade, however, if you add certainjewels to them, they will be worth way more. Theeasiest example is the beer stein. As is it’s notworth much, but it has room for 3 jewels to beadded. Adding the jewels will up its value!

Death Of A Salesmen

If you’re feeling kinda bored . or hostile andyou feel like screwing yourself over for the restof the game, simply find the merchant and shoothim in the head. Now he’s gone on you’re on your own.

Animal Cruelty

Running low on health without an herb in sight?Simply find yourself a crow, a fish, a dog, achicken or a cow. Shoot them till theymoves-no-more and voila, you have a health item!

Man’s Best Friend

Early on in the game you’ll come across a wolfcaught in a bear trap. You can choose to help thisanimal or leave it by pressing A. If you help thedog, you will be rewarded later when he helps youdefeat a boss!

The Punisher

In the village and the cemetery you will noticeblue necklaces haging in trees and other areas.Shoot these jewels with your gun. Destroying 10 ofthem will unlock a weapon from the stranger in thewoods, a 9mm pistol called The Punisher.

Cheats

Currently we have no cheats or codes for Resident Evil 4 yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Unlockables

Currently we have no unlockables for Resident Evil 4 yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Easter eggs

Currently we have no easter eggs for Resident Evil 4 yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Glitches

Currently we have no glitches for Resident Evil 4 yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Guides

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