#so they kept getting into fights every 5 seconds

[theshadowrealmitself]

Once again thinking about my oc who makes how to do videos that Vulcan kids like to watch, except this time I’m also thinking about “guest stars,” because you just know there’s going to be some things where you need an expert on it for

And originally I was just thinking about pleasant guest stars, and how the Human oc is unknowingly also teaching Vulcan kids how to handle their emotions because the Human is trying a lot of new things that actually scare them, or make them anxious, things like that, but they just calm themselves down on camera and continue doing them

But now I’m thinking about Jim Kirk, specifically aos Jim Kirk, guest starring before he ever became a captain, and it’s “how to ride a motorcycle,” and the whole time, this Human who is usually good at keeping a calm and pleasant disposition, just keeps turning to anxiously tell the camera “don’t do that” because Jim went straight to tricks and stuff that he shouldn’t be showing beginners

Jim Kirk is rewatching this episode as a captain, trying to avoid looking at Bones and Spock as they watch him put himself in danger without proper protective gear on

[inkspiredwriting]

A Life Worth Fighting For

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

A/N: It's time we all got our five back. Five needs y/n, in every timeline. If I'm honest, I don't want to read anything more about this Five/Lila relationship. For me that never happened. From now on I'll be posting the stories that I've already finished writing

Warnings: spoilers for season 4 episode 5-6

The air shimmered with energy as Five and Lila landed in yet another timeline, they found themselves in a cozy, well-kept house that radiated warmth and comfort. The scent of fresh coffee hung in the air, mingling with the subtle fragrance of flowers from somewhere nearby.

Lila glanced around, her brow furrowed with suspicion. “This doesn’t look like any of the timelines we’ve been to,” she muttered, her hand instinctively moving toward the handle of the knife strapped to her thigh. “Too quiet, too… perfect.”

Five didn’t respond immediately. He was scanning the room, his sharp eyes taking in every detail. The polished wooden floors, the cushy furniture, the family photos lining the walls—it was all so domestic, so ordinary. It felt like the calm before a storm, and after seven years of battling against the odds in a timeline where everything was wrong, he couldn’t trust it.

“We need to be careful,” Five said finally, his voice low. “This place looks safe, but it’s too familiar. We could be in one of those timelines where something’s just a bit off.”

“Like that time where your younger self shot at us??” Lila quipped, her lips curving into a smirk that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Exactly,” Five replied, the memory flashing through his mind. “Let’s find out where we are and who’s running the show here.”

Just as he was about to suggest searching the house, the door to the living room swung open. Both Five and Lila instinctively tensed, ready for whatever was about to step through.

But what they saw caught them completely off guard.

Another Five stood in the doorway, looking just as surprised as they were. This version of Five was dressed casually, in a button-down shirt and jeans, a far cry from the suits that the time-traveling Five was used to. He looked… settled.

“What the—” the other Five started, his eyes narrowing as he processed the scene before him. “What are you doing in my house?”

Five stepped forward, his gaze locked onto his counterpart. “We’re from a different timeline” he said, his voice steady.

The other Five’s eyes widened in recognition, then narrowed again with suspicion. “A different timeline? What do you want?”

Before Five could respond, Lila spoke up, her tone laced with annoyance. “Listen, mate, we don’t want to be here any more than you want us to be. We’re just trying to get back to our own timeline, but we’ve been stuck in the wrong one for seven years. Seven years!”

The other Five’s expression softened slightly, though the wariness didn’t leave his eyes. “Seven years? What happened?”

Five took a deep breath, trying to steady himself as memories of those long, grueling years came rushing back. “We got trapped,” he explained, his voice quieter now. “No way out. We were stuck there for what felt like a lifetime. And… well, we ended up together.”

For a moment, there was silence. The other Five’s eyes flicked between his counterpart and Lila, his expression growing darker with each passing second. “You ended up together?” he repeated, disbelief coloring his tone. “You and her?”

Five nodded, bracing himself for the reaction he knew was coming.

The other Five’s jaw tightened, and without warning, he stepped forward and smacked his counterpart on the back of the head. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he snapped, his voice a mix of anger and incredulity. “Do you even know what you’ve done?”

Lila’s eyes flashed with anger, but Five raised a hand to stop her from retaliating. “I didn’t have a choice,” he said, though even as he spoke the words, he knew how weak they sounded.

“There’s always a choice!” the other Five shot back, his anger unabated. “You’re telling me that in seven years, you never once thought about the consequences? About Diego? He’s her husband in our timeline, for Christ’s sake! They have three kids together!”

Five flinched at the mention of Diego, a pang of guilt stabbing through him. “I don't have a girlfriend or wife,” he said defensively, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. “I have no one.”

At this, the other Five’s anger seemed to shift, turning into something more like pity. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Because you gave up,” he said quietly. “You gave up on yourself, and you gave up on your family.”

For a long moment, Five couldn’t find the words to respond. The weight of what his counterpart was saying pressed down on him like a lead blanket. Had he really given up? Had he allowed himself to lose sight of everything that mattered because he was too tired, too lost, to keep fighting?

The silence between them grew heavy, filled with all the unspoken regrets and what-ifs of a life that could have been.

“Look,” the other Five said, his voice softer now, “I know how easy it is to get lost in this mess, to lose sight of who you are and what you want. But you can’t just throw everything away because things get hard. You have to fight for what matters.”

Five looked down, his hands curling into fists at his sides. He wanted to believe that it wasn’t too late, that he could still find the life he’d always wanted, the love he’d convinced himself was out of reach. But the last seven years had left him scarred, beaten down by a world that had taken so much from him.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of laughter coming from outside. He looked up and saw that the other Five was gazing out the large bay window, a small smile on his lips.

Five followed his gaze and felt his heart clench at the sight that greeted him.

In the garden, a beautiful pregnant woman was playing with a little girl, who looked to be around four years old. The woman’s laughter was like music, her face glowing with happiness as she twirled the giggling child around in her arms. The little girl had a mop of dark hair and eyes that sparkled with mischief—eyes that Five recognized all too well.

“That’s Y/n,” the other Five said softly, his voice filled with warmth. “And that’s our daughter, Maddie.”

Five stared at him, his mind reeling. “I want what you have,” he said finally, his voice barely a whisper. “I want… her.”

The other Five nodded, his expression firm but not unkind. “Then fight for it,” he said. “Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on her.”

Five’s throat tightened as he watched them, his heart aching with a longing he hadn’t allowed himself to feel in years. This was it. This was what he had wanted, what he had fought so hard to protect but had never truly believed he could have. A family. A home. A life filled with love.

He could have had this. He could have had her.

“I can’t believe…” Five started, but his voice broke, and he had to swallow the lump in his throat. “I can’t believe I gave this up.”

“You didn’t,” the other Five said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Not yet. You still have a chance to find her. You still have a chance to make this life your own.”

Five closed his eyes, trying to block out the overwhelming tide of emotions threatening to drown him. He didn’t deserve this—this kindness, this hope. But he wanted it more than anything. He wanted to find his y/n, to have his own Maddie, to fight for a life worth living.

When he opened his eyes again, he found the other Five watching him, a knowing look in his eyes.

“Go,” the other Five said gently. “Find her. Fight for her.”

Five nodded, and then turned to Lila, who had been watching the exchange in silence. She looked at him with a mixture of sadness and understanding, knowing that whatever they had shared was over.

“We should go,” Five said softly, his eyes meeting Lila’s. her expression unreadable, and with a final nod to the other five, he teleported them both away, leaving the other Five standing alone in the quiet house.

A few moments later, the front door opened, and Y/n and Maddie walked in, their faces flushed with happiness from their time in the garden. Y/n smiled warmly at Five, the love in her eyes undeniable as she approached him.

“Everything okay?” she asked, a note of concern in her voice as she noticed the tension in his posture.

Five looked at her, his heart swelling with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as he kissed her gently on the lips.

“Everything’s perfect,” he murmured against her lips, his voice filled with emotion. “I’m just… so happy that I have you. You’re my one true love, y/n. No one else. Just you.”

Y/n smiled, her eyes shining with love as she leaned into his embrace. “I love you too,” she whispered, resting her head against his chest.

Five held her close, the weight of everything that had just happened slowly fading away as he focused on the warmth of her body against his, the sound of her heartbeat, the soft rise and fall of her breath. This was his life, his family, his everything.

And he wouldn't give that up for anything in the world...timeline or not.

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Enemies to Lovers (Wolverine)

Description: Enemies to Lovers with Wolverine and Y/N

Author’s note: I had a request for hate sex (which I can still do) but decided to do this for now.

Wade smirked as Y/N walked out in her new outfit that the TVA gave her. She looked really sexy. “Hey beautiful. Don’t you look like you’re ready to get fucked.” 

Y/N gave him a weird look but shrugged it off as Paradox began to tell them that their universe was about to die off. Oh Hell No! 

Wade and her did not like that but when Y/N found out that Logan of all people was the reason why…she was livid. 

The second they find him she punches him in the face. He chuckled and stood up getting ready to face the person that did that. Only to be faced with Y/N. 

He looked down at her, amused by her, “No wonder that punch didn’t hurt so bad.” She went to punch him again but harder. Wade had stopped her before she could. 

“We need him Y/N/N. I sense in the near future you may be under him and not in a fighting way.” He teases. This Logan was a drunk and let down his universe. Y/N wasn’t taking that. 

“Look asshole, you’re coming with us to fix this. Because you’re the reason that it’s happening.” She yelled at him before Wade held the gun to his head. 

He was not taking them seriously at all. He laughed and drank himself to sleep. Y/N gasped as his body hit the ground. “Well this one will do.” Wade said. 

Y/N secretly did a double take at him in the “comic accurate” suit as Wade put it. He did look good but she still hated him. 

She rolled her eyes as Paradox made both of them disappear. “Let’s go.” She said and before she fought Paradox he made her disappear too. 

She ran up to the boys as they were fighting. “Hey.” She kept yelling but they kept fighting. 

She watched and almost came as Logan ran on all fours towards Wade. She stared at him for a good 5 seconds after. 

She snapped out of it and attacked him to the ground. “No time for games, Wolvy.” She said and held her knife up to his throat. 

He would never admit it but he found that super hot. She was super hot but yet she was an asshole. 

When Johnny showed up and started flirting with Y/N. Logan felt a little jealous but he shouldn’t. She laughed at every joke he said while they were tied up together. 

Wade watched as Logan rolled his eyes at the two and instantly knew that he was jealous. “Awww is Wolvy jealous?” He asked, teasing him. 

“Of what?” He asked, annoyed. “Of fire dick flirting with your girl.” Y/N was not his girl. But before he could deny what Wade said, Johnny started talking to all of them about Nova. 

Y/N had never met anyone in the X-men so she never knew Charles or that he had a sister. Wade and Logan didn’t know either. 

“Oh your thoughts were naughty naughty earlier Y/N.” She said to her with a wink. Wade was hella curious but Logan couldn’t give two fucks, thinking it was about Johnny. 

When Nova killed Johnny, Y/N glared at Wade. “Are you fucking kidding me?” She asked him. “You just got him killed!.” Wade was shocked that they were on the same page. 

“Wade, you’re a dick! I can’t believe you did that!” She yelled at Wade after he got Johnny killed. “Boo hoo he got your little boyfriend killed.” Y/N glared at him but Wade had to stop them before they fought.

Nicepool also made an enemy out of Logan after he saw him briefly check her out and drop the biggest bomb ever: “You look just like my wife who just had a baby.” 

Y/N was his wife…well a different Y/N. Wade was shocked by the news as was Logan. “So Y/N you’re married to me in a different universe?” Wade was kind of excited.

Y/N shrugged and walked past them. Logan wasn’t thrilled by the news but why did he care so much? Y/N wasn’t even thrilled by the news. 

The Honda Odyssey where fights and almost fucking happened. 

After Logan’s speech to Wade Y/N did one too but for Logan, “I know you’re not talking Mr. I fucked up in all my universes. Maybe we should have let you drank yourself to death because it’s clear that you aren’t any help anywhere.” 

Ouch that was harsh 

“He lied to me. Oh I’m sorry you guys lied to me.” He yelled back, kinda hurt by her words.

“You’re the reason that our universe is going dickhead! It seems like you’re useless in every universe.”

“Yeah well in my universe you were a whore on the street.” 

Y/N chuckled at that and thus began the fighting. Y/N wanted this no good loser dead but unfortunately that couldn’t happen.  

Waking up to Logan drinking and Wade cuddling her was not what she had in mind. “Thor.” Wade yelled as he woke up. “What the fuck?” Y/N said as she sat up. 

Gambit was another problem for Logan as he also was flirting with Y/N. “Just like in my universe.” Logan groaned as he watched as Y/N flirted with the card guy.

“That girl in there. Do you actually hate her?” Laura asked him. He shrugged, “No but she hates me and it seems like she does in every universe.” 

Y/N and him never got along in his universe and she was still the same here. But they would have to work together to put an end to this. 

A team they made and it was pretty good. Both of them along with the others took down most of the people and Nova…almost 

“What do you mean don’t kill her?” Y/N yelled at him but unlike her Logan knew Charles and this wasn’t what he would want. 

When Nova let him go back to their universe Y/N fell right on Logan. They both groaned and looked at each other. It was almost like the world had stopped before Wade interrupted, “Listen guys you can fuck later. We have a universe to save.” 

Seeing Nicepool again was not a good thing especially when the other deadpools arrived. “Ewww Wade they’re so many of you.” Y/N said and that made Logan laugh. At least they could agree on something. 

The Mask? Oh Y/N felt the hate leave her body while he wore it. It was very sexy and he smirked at her before they fought the pools. 

Once it was over they sighed but unfortunately it wasn’t over and they all got back up. “So only Nicepool could die?” She asked in shock as the others were alive again. 

Peter Pool saved the day and they escaped to Paradox. Y/N felt herself get sick at the thought of losing herself or Wade for this universe. She almost wanted to push for it to be Logan. 

But she cared about him too and also hated that idea. “It has to be toots.” Wade looked at her and held her hands. “Wade, No you can’t.” She said with tears in her eyes. 

“It needs to be me.” Logan said not expecting her to disagree. “It can’t be either of you.” She said which surprised him. “Well it certainly won’t be you.” Wade told her. 

“Why can’t it?” But before he could respond Logan did, “Look I know you hate me and want me dead but I regret us hating each other in my universe. I want you to be happy in this one.” Right there in that moment she fell in love. 

Sobbing at the fact that she would lose one of them until they came out alive and oh boy did she let her jaw drop at Logan’s abs. 

“Like what ya see sweetheart?” He asked with a smirk and she didn’t deny it. “Put on a shirt you slut.” Y/N took the shirt from Wade and shook her head.

Logan chuckled at that and took the shirt from her hands, “You’ll see more of it later sweetheart.” He told her and Wade looked surprised. 

“Oh so now we have enemies to lovers in these films.” Wade said and they looked confused. 

“What?”

[cxrrodedcoffin]

Nightvisions - Spencer Reid

Likes are always appreciated but reblogs and feedback keep artists going!

Summary: This is part 2 to Dead of Night, Reader and Spencer face the fallout of an intense first sexual encounter, which leads to a second one.

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: i’m overjoyed by the positive response to ‘dead of night’ and i’m a woman of the people so despite my lack of plan to do a part 2, i wrote one anyway, and this is it! tbh i’m not too sure how i feel about this but i had fun writing it anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

TW: pervert!spencer, dom!spencer, angst, established relationships, confession of feelings, semi-public sex, noise control, hair pulling, spit, oral sex (reader receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it b4 you tap it), penetration, creampie, panty stealing, references to knifeplay, slight biting, hickey (kinda?) pet names (angel), fem + afab reader, happy ending

Rating: R, 18+

——

As the work day dragged on you could feel your initial shock and intrigue twist into an anger that burned in the pit of your stomach. Every glance Spencer took at you from his desk across the bullpen made your blood pressure spike, unable to properly focus on the paperwork you had been working through for the better half of the day. Your mind kept drifting, trying to rationalize his potential motives, but the more the thought stirred in your mind the less you could justify it to yourself. You had to hear it directly from him, as soon as possible.

“Spencer, can I get your input on something?” You called him over to your desk, masking the frustration in your voice. He scrambled to his feet, eager to be close to you again for the first time since this morning. He leaned over your desk, glancing at the paperwork in front of you.

“How can I help?”

You pointed to an insignificant line of text as you leaned forward, bringing your mouth inches from his ear.

“Meet me in the conference room in 5 minutes.” You whispered, watching as he gulped and nodded.

“That should be good.” He said as a cover, hoping not to draw suspicion to the two of you before returning to his desk.

You grabbed a file for show and walked to the conference room, checking that the blinds were pulled down over the windows overlooking the bullpen. The minutes ticked by agonizingly slow, starting to pace to keep yourself occupied as you waited for him.

Moments later there came a gentle knock at the door before Spencer slowly opened it, dipping quickly in and locking the door behind him. A short silence hung in the air until your emotions got the better of you, his soft expression causing tears to well up in your eyes.

“How? Why?” You blurted out, a mix of confusion, exhaustion, and desperation playing out in your features. He took a step toward you and you took a step back, keeping distance between you. If he touched you, you might break, shatter into a million pieces and never be put back together.

“Please just let me explain.” His tone held such strong desperation that you almost forgot how betrayed you felt. You wiped a tear from your cheek, crossing your arms over your chest as you leaned against the wall, waiting.

“You left your profile up on your computer one night and I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to give you everything you’ve ever wanted, I always have.” He took a deep breath, for once careful to articulate his words as he watched your expression carefully, searching for any sign of forgiveness.

“I know it was wrong, but I never thought I’d stand a chance with a woman like you if I went about it the traditional way. I never intended on hurting you, but I clearly have, and doing so is the biggest regret of my life.” You wanted to believe him, he seemed so earnest, but the doubt was eating you alive by the second. What if it was all an act? Was the connection you felt that night built on lies?

“Was everything you said in our chats a lie just to sleep with me?” You kept a straight face, fighting back more tears to keep your composure. You couldn’t let him know how badly you were hurt, not if he didn’t mean it.

“Oh god no, angel, everything I said was the truth.” He grew more frantic, nervously stretching his fingers as he fought the urge to step toward you again. He just wanted to hold you, to comfort you in the simplest way he knew how, but he couldn’t do anything that might make you more uncomfortable.

“Don’t call me that.” You snapped, still too frustrated with him at the moment to deal with your feelings for him. He nodded, keeping his mouth shut to resist the urge to ramble on and on about what he felt for you.

“I’m not sure I believe you Spencer, I just don’t know if I can trust you anymore.” Your voice cracked, biting the inside of your lip as you watched his face drop.

“You can.” He weighed the risk and took a step closer to you again, and you didn’t move away from him this time.

“How do I know that?”

“I’m in love with you.”

It was the most confident he’d been all day, his voice unwavering with every word.

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.” Tears threatened your waterline once more, hanging on his every movement as you tried to read him.

“I do mean it, I’ve known from the first time we spent 2 hours talking nonstop on the jet. No one has ever seen me the way that you do.” His eyes were glassy with tears and your heart began to melt, dropping your arms to your sides and finally closing the gap between you.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” You took his hand in yours, your thumb swiping over the veins on the back of his hand.

“I didn’t know if you felt the same.” He sighed, averting his gaze from yours.

“I do.” You confirmed, squeezing his hand. He looked at you once more, the tension between you practically suffocating.

He leaned into you, his face dangerously close to yours as he searched your eyes for any lingering apprehension, but there was none to be found. He took a leap of faith, hoping he was reading you right as his lips met yours, his hand cupping the side of your face. You melted into the kiss, allowing him to guide your mouth against his. Your skin grew hot, your hands gripping the front of his shirt as his actions grew more intense, his lips pushing almost bruisingly hard against yours.

His hands moved lower, ghosting down your sides, the slight pressure against your healing cuts from the night before making you shiver. He finally reached the hem of your skirt, slowly hiking the fabric up your thighs. You pulled your mouth away from his, panting for a moment in hopes of catching your breath once more.

“Spencer, we can’t.” You sighed, meeting his hungry gaze.

“We can if we’re careful.” He countered, pushing you gently back until your hips bumped against the large circular table in the center of the room.

“What if someone hears? If we get caught we could lose our jobs.” The rational part of your brain seemed to be dueling with your primal urges, your body betraying your mind as the thought of getting caught only made the wetness between your thighs grow more intense.

“Then you better be quiet.” He whispered, his large hands gripping your hips as he spun you around, bending you over the edge of the conference table. He dropped to his knees, pushing your skirt up the rest of the way to bunch around your hips, humming to himself as he admired your perfect ass. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of your panties, slowly sliding them over the curve of your hips and down your legs before pocketing the lacy fabric.

You whined, wiggling your hips back to urge him on.

“Be patient.” He laughed, his voice low. You didn’t have to wait long, his head dipping between your thighs to find your waiting pussy. His strong grip kept your thighs spread as his tongue delved between your folds, quickly giving ample attention to your swollen clit. He was hungry, plush lips drinking in your arousal with every extended lap of his tongue, practically suffocating himself as his nose brushed against your weeping entrance.

You brought your hand to your mouth, biting your wrist to stifle your whimpers as you rocked back against him, indulging in the way he devoured you. He moaned against you, muffled vibrations sending shockwaves through your body, your clit growing more and more sensitive by the second. You were starting to get desperate, riding his face until the table underneath you began to squeak with every rock of your hips. Spencer suddenly pulled away, sitting back on his calves.

“Your desperation is going to get us caught.” He brought his hand between your legs, fingers massaging your clit for a split second before rearing back and slapping against it, causing you to jolt forward. You yelped, a bit louder than you intended from the shock of it, and you swallowed nervously, anticipating his next move.

He rose to his feet, his clothed hips pushing against your bare ass as he gripped your hair in his fist, firmly pulling you upright. You bit your lip to hide your moan, letting him guide your every step as he pulled you across the room, finally pressing your back against the wall.

“Spencer, please.” You sounded more pathetic than you intended but the way his mouth felt on you got you beyond worked up, and in that moment you felt like you needed him inside you more than you needed air.

“Are you going to be quiet?” He questioned, his hand resting on his belt buckle as he waited for an answer.

“Yes, I’ll be good, I promise.” You looked up at him, giving your best doe-eyed look as you began unbuttoning your blouse. He began to undo his belt, letting his pants and briefs fall to his ankles as he held out his hand in front of you.

“Spit.” He commanded, the dominant side of him coming out more with every sweet sound that left your lips. You did as you were told, spitting in his hand to provide a bit of lubricant for him to stroke his cock, fully preparing himself to enter you.

You were mesmerized, unable to look away from the way his shirt rode up his torso, toned but slender stomach flexing with each movement of his hand, his hair falling messily in his flushed face, a thin layer of sweat forming on his skin. You pulled the cups of your bra down, toying with your nipples as you enjoyed the show, feeling like you were watching the most intimate sex tape you’d ever seen.

“Are you ready?” His voice snapped you out of your trance, blood rushing to your cheeks in embarrassment over how desperate you were for him. You nodded frantically, draping your arms behind his neck, pulling him to you. You raised your leg, wrapping it around his waist, looking down between your chests to watch him lineup his cock with your cunt. He pushed the head in, cutting off the gasp that threatened to rip from your throat as he pulled you into another intense kiss.

He sank fully into your tight walls, the soreness you felt from the night before melting away with every stroke he laid into you. You moaned into his mouth, eyes fluttering shut as you allowed him to take the reins, his controlling grip digging soft bruises into the flesh of your breasts, then your hip, electricity flowing between the two of you. You pulled away from the kiss, coming up for air, so lost in the feeling that you couldn’t make out any coherent sounds, only gentle whimpers and whines.

“You feel so good.” He moaned quietly, quickening his pace, his hand sliding between your bodies to find your clit, the rough pad of his thumb pressing firm swipes up and down over the swollen bundle of nerves. Your whimpers grew louder, and despite your hazy state, you knew you had to quiet yourself quickly. You pulled him closer, burying your face in the side of his neck, your lips latching onto the soft skin behind his ear.

A groan rose from the back of his throat, your mouth sucking against his pressure point pulling him dangerously close to his release. You swore you were seeing stars, supernovas erupting between your thighs as you started to contract around him, your senses overwhelmed with his touch, crying out against his neck. Your knee began to buckle, your leg almost giving out if it wasn’t for his firm hold on your hip. He continued to pump in and out, helping you ride out your orgasm until you had gained a bit more of your composure, able to support yourself again despite how fucked out you felt.

Spencer felt himself falter and anchored his hips against yours, keeping himself seated within your warm walls as they coaxed him to completion. He quietly moaned your name, his head hung to observe the view of himself pulling out of you. You dropped your leg, still in a daze as you began righting your clothing. After you redid the last button of your top and yanked your skirt back down over your ass, you realized you couldn’t find your underwear.

“Looking for something?” He questioned, that familiar dorky smile plastered across his face. You turned to face him, seeing the lace dangling from his fingertip, but as you grabbed for it he pulled it out of reach.

“These are mine now.” He shoved the fabric back in his back pocket before you could attempt to steal them back again.

“Spencer, your cum is dripping down my leg, I kind of need those.” You took a stride toward him to close the gap between you, hoping to wrap your arm around his waist and take them out of his pocket. Your plan was quickly foiled as he grabbed your wrist, pinning it behind your back.

“You better keep your legs closed then, I’m not giving them back.” He whispered in your ear, his tone low but hinted with mischief.

“Whatever, pervert.” You pulled out of his grip, starting to walk toward the door. Your slight annoyance with his teasing quickly faded, unable to deny that walking back out into the bullpen full of Spencer’s cum was an incredibly hot concept.

“What does that make you, then?” He laughed, running his hand through his hair to make it somewhat presentable.

“An angel, according to you.” You turned back to him momentarily to wink in his direction, giving him a comfortable resolution to your slight outburst earlier.

“Can I see you again? Outside of work, I-I mean.” He slightly stumbled over his words, his dominant demeanor fading back into his signature awkward cadence, clearly a bit flustered by your tongue-in-cheek show of affection. You almost laughed, the question feeling a bit absurd given that you’d both just confessed your feelings for one another in more ways than one.

“Take me out to dinner tonight, I’ll be ready by 6. You have my address.” You smiled, watching a blush rise over his cheeks in response to your callback before unlocking the conference room door and returning to your desk to finish out the workday, eagerly awaiting your first real date with Spencer.

——

tag list: @pleasantwitchgarden @lover-of-books-and-tea @theoraekenslover @placidus

DM me or send me an ask if you’d like to be added to my spencer reid taglist :)

also tagging those who requested a part 2, thank you for the inspo!: @silver138 @espressoparis @futuremrsreid @charmedkim @lilcuutiee @cryxbabyxxx @c1rcus-baby

[silverwarewolf]

DUNGEON MESHI EPISODE 24 THOUGHTS

Oh, I had asked to see what the party's thoughts regarding the changeling situation were, especially when it came to their lifespans, but I didn't think it would turn out like this!

GOOD FUCKING JOB, CHILCHUCK. YOU'VE TRAUMATIZED MARCILLE EVEN FURTHER. Oh but I do so love the horrors of this situation of theirs. Marcille babygirl I would like to hug you and have a nice chat.

Anywya, on we go to think about Falin and any solutions that might help us here. Which is great! I love how much foreshadowing there is (in terms of what I've been vaguely told about the manga).

Laios Touden's problem solving skills, everyone.

That's honestly the SICKEST weapon design, I'm so on board with you Laios. This could be Kensuke's Halloween makeover. BUT DONT JUST TAKE THOSE MUSHROOMS WITH YOU OH MY GOD

... was this the opening sequence foreshadowing everyone was freaking out about? was that it? (don't actually tell me, though. if it was it, say yes. if it wasn't, don't say anything)

no comment here I just love them.

I just will never get used to elfshi's hands being Like That. But it's also kinda nice to see him and Izutsumi working along so nicely! Like, don't even get me started on how Izu is presented as the pickiest eater of the party (Marcille has been dethroned severely) and usually you'd see that presented as a Hassle, but here in DM, Senshi doesn't even bat an eye. He knows and respects Izutsumi's tastes and preferences and works his meals out around it! That's such a based thing for him to do. <3

This is a renaissance painting. (I love it when they adapt Ryoko Kui's visual gags and I LOVE when she does zoomed in faces like this. Truly one of the artists ever)

I did not have "Laios gets Pissed On" on my bingo card but every day I grow more and more convinced that the animators KNOW what they're doing and - OH MY GOD IS THAT SENSHI'S DWUSSY. ELFSHI ALTERNATIVE TO PANTY SHOT.

Ah, yes, Izutsumi sprawls all over them when sleeping, we been knew, again it's a little unexpected to see it front and center but I guess it works to demonstrate them returning to - THAT WAS LAIOS??? AND CHILCHUCK IS JUST LIFTING HIS LEG LIKE THAT?? OKAY THEN. SURE.

(and then there's a few more seconds of laiosfoot and laios bedhead)

BUT HEY THEY'RE BACK TO NORMAL

1) Yep, they're back to normal.

2) Laios I love you and I love Gothsuke but someone needs to be careful about biohazards and it's not going to be you.

3) Add this to the "Marcille Donato gets threateningly close to you in three steps" folder.

4) Truly only they can match each other's freak. When the NECROMANCER is telling you not to do something, don't do it! I know last time you smuggled a "normal" sword, it turned out to be useful, but I'm sure that's not the case here!

5) Poor Laios tho. I'll learn to blacksmith just to give you a cool sword. <3

I'm so glad they kept this. One of the silliest touden siblings moments. 10/10 no notes. Also, Falin is never beating the blunt force trauma allegations.

IS THAT CHILCHUCK'S WIFE. ARE YOU - MA'AM. HELLO?

"Why aren't you a twink like I thought you'd be?!" gets adapted! (I'm pretty sure that's the scene meant to be here, anyways)

I get it, girl.

Oh dear, they're going to eat Falin. And SENSHI was the one to suggest it! For a guy who was just fighting the doubts of accidental cannibalism a week ago, you're taking bold steps forward.

(I do love how it mirrors Laios' kindness back then, in truth. Even if it's an idea so shocking and dire at first, it comes from a place of reason and logic and love)

Marcille "I said I wanted to eat her OUT, not eat HER" Donato Izutsumi "That's going to taste gross as fuck" Izutsumi Chilchuck "If it brings her back..." Tims Laios Touden, the man with a thousand things on his head right now, two of which I reckon are "I don't want to eat my sister" and "Dragon-Chicken... what might it taste like?"

Yes, well. Valid as your concerns are, Laios, because how the fuck would five people eat THAT much meat, you can't just ramble on about what dishes you're going to make out of your sister.

(...I get it, though. I mean if you're going to eat, might as well make it good, right? I know no one wants to grill one of Faligon's ribs but I'll go ahead and say it would be worse to tell them to eat her raw)

FUCK! we DID lose those scenes about the twin bell that toshiro kept!! forever sad about that.

oh my godddd they're going back into the dungeonnn we're going to reunite with themmm

I know they're really fucking competent, I mean, Namari and Toshiro are already described as pretty formidable warriors (and we've seen it), and Kabru is... admittedly much more geared to fight humans but he's a decent fighter either way. And a good leader!

Speaking of, where the fuck is everyone else.

I know they're meant to be scary (and I suppose they are! If we have the reference that, firstly, marcille is an excellent spellcaster so these elves could be just as good in their own areas of expertise, yes?, and secondly, the canaries are Well Known)

... plus, Namari, Toshiro and Kabru are wary of them. Namari, Toshiro and Kabru are wary of them.

BUT damn it Lycion, I need to- (gets dragged off stage)

Anyway, while we wait for the next season (WHICH HAS BEEN GREENLIT! WOHOO!), have these wonderful images of chicken falin being a cathedral painting (...if cathedrals ever added dragons, i guess) and my beloveds, who have finally returned!

[dustpages]

Jihyo's way

" Eton is the worst choice for him." my mum's voice echoed in the living room while my dad was looking outside of the large window facing Hyde Park. My parents were arguing about what uni I should have enrolled in, my academic grades made me graduate a year prior to my classmates in high school.  I was already 17, my dad wanted me to go to Eton College while my mum was pushing me to Oxford University.

"Come on, love, Eton is a great opportunity for him." He didn't even look at my mother while he said that, and that really piss her off. She had been fighting with my father about this for months, and I was quite tired of that.

"It's a boy-only school. He needs to learn to socialize with other women. Oxford is the best choice. It's in the top 5 worldwide." She declared with an angry voice and a red face. " You know how Nayeon is important to him,  she's studying there too."

Nayeon was the daughter of another doctor living in our building. She has been a family friend for years, and we really have a strong bond with her. We would go to eat dinner at her house every 2 weeks, and we've been sharing so many memories together. She was the only friend I had, being quite shy and introverted in high school it was quite hard for me to make friends.

I wasn't that good with girls Nayeon was the only woman I've ever been good with, that's why my mum was pushing for Oxford since she knew how important she was to me.

"You're just trying to make him get closer to her, right? Cause he's too shy. He has never been with a girl." My father snorted, making me blush and avoiding his gaze. That was the truth, but it was not like I wanted that, I just didn't know how to approach girls. I was afraid of being rejected or hurt, so I kept myself away from any romantic relationship.

"Don't be a dick. Oxford is a top tier University, and having Nayeon there will make college life better." my mother retorted, going her way. 

" Fine, Oxford it is then." my dad sighed in defeat leaving the living room.

Jihyo, my mum, came in front of me. I was seated on the sofa still a bit annoyed by my father's stubbornness. 

" Baby, relax." Jihyo cupped my cheeks kneeling down to meet my eyes. 

Her touch was warm and reassuring,  I immediately felt better. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. But I want what's best for you and Nayeon. You two have been growing so close over the past few years.  She was really happy when she discovered that you've been admitted to Oxford, she is eager to see you there." My mum patted my cheek, I blushed a bit since that was quite embarrassing.

"Nayeon really wanted me to get into Oxford?" I asked a bit surprised.

"Of course, she loves having you around her, you two are like siblings. She is very important to you, right?" She smiled at me, making me think for a few seconds before nodding in agreement. 

A few weeks went by and finally, the moment of moving to Oxford came, even if the Uni didn't start before a month.

Jihyo's POV.

" Baby, hurry up or we are gonna be late." I announced to my son who was running a bit late. 

The car was already ready to leave, with all his belongings in it. 

I prepared myself, earlier in the morning, opting to wear a light blue striped crop top and a brown skirt. I took the opportunity to wear my midriff-baring outfit since I knew my husband will not be with us for the drive to Oxford.

I had my hair cut the day before, shaped in a chin-length bob, with a fringe. 

My son ran down the stairs bringing his rucksack on his shoulder. His blue eyes pierced me from the moment he got to the bottom of the staircase. I could see the admiration in them, the way he gazed at my body was making me feel hot all over.

I smiled at him; I hugged him tightly, kissing his cheeks leaving a red lip-shaped mark on his face. I could see he was blushing; probably, he didn't want that since he was really shy.

He opened the door of the car to let me in, he placed the rucksack in the boot before taking the passenger seat.

" Let's go." I whispered to him, giving him a smile.

We left the house,  the drive would have taken around 2 hours.

" Baby boy, you are so  grown up now." I giggled as I looked at him.

" Mum..." He sighed in embarrassment, his blush was getting even more noticeable. "I am 17 and now I am going to the uni." He announced in a proud tone.

"I know, that's why I'm saying that. You have become a man now, with those blue eyes and that handsome smile. I'm pretty sure you are gonna attract many girls." I complimented him.

He looked away from me blushing even more than before. 

The drive was quite pleasant, from time to time I could sense his eyes on my body. I looked at him for a few seconds and that was enough to notice him gazing at my nude legs.

" Are you fancying the view?" I questioned him, smirking, I knew I had a hot figure.  

Nature got a big pair tits, and my dedication and passion for fitness has given me a firm and toned body. And that outfit I was wearing today was showing everything I've got.

" M-mum." His voice was shaking a bit, probably he was feeling ashamed.

"Don't be shy, baby. You can tell me." I reassured him.

"No, m-mum, it's just that I never seen you in that outfit. That skirt is quite short..." He trailed off his sentence.

I couldn't hold on to my laugh anymore, I knew the outfit was short but not that much. I could understand him for being surprised but not for feeling embarrassed.

The skirt was brown, matching my brown eyes. It was and high-waisted one, my legs were exposed for all their glory. 

" Oh, baby, it's not that short. You just need to get used to this kind of outfit." I told him giving him a smirk, he nodded slightly, still looking at the floor of the car.

After 15 minutes of driving we stopped at a traffic light, we were still in the city, and I knew it would have taken another hour to reach the motorway. 

"Son, in Oxford you are gonna live in a flat I  own. It's just 15 minutes walk to the Uni." I explained to him as we got into the motorway.

" And with whom am I gonna live?" He questioned me back.

" With Nayeon of course. She has been living in that flat for the past two years." I affirmed. " It has been refurbished quite recently and it has an open space configuration on the first floor."

" Oh, I see." He replied to me, still looking a bit lost. 

I knew that he wanted me to stay there too, but that was impossible since my job was in London and I could not have been moved.

I reached for his nearest hand and squeezed it gently, after a second I motioned it to my bare legs and placed it there. 

" Since you have been ogling at them for the whole drive." I announced to him with a chuckle.

He looked at me with wide eyes, as his face blushed again becoming red as a tomato. 

He gently moved his fingers on my soft skin,  making me bite my lip and moan a bit. 

" Mum, you are making this too weird." He confessed to me in embarrassment.

" Am I?" I giggled back to him.

I knew I was teasing him, but he was just too cute with his reactions, it was hard to not play around with him.

We arrived in Oxford as soon after, parking the car in the nearest park if possible. I took my son's hand in mine and dragged him towards the flat building.

We finally arrived at the flat I owned in Oxford. I rang the bell waiting for Nayeon to open the door.

The bell was ringing a few times, but no one seemed to answer it, so I decided to use my own key to open the door. 

The house was empty a note on the countertop written by Nayeon informed us that she was on a weekly trip to Wales with her cousins. 

" I'm not gonna let him stay here all alone." I muffled sitting on the sofa in the middle of the living room. 

" Baby go and take your luggage and come back here immediately." I ordered him. 

As a good kid he was he obliged and in a matter of minutes he came back with all his belongings, my legs were crossed and stretched on the coffee, my skirt dangerously short unable to cover my tight. 

His blue eyes scanned me from the top to the bottom, stopping at my legs, where his gaze stayed for a few minutes, his cheeks tinted in red. 

He placed the bags on the floor and came to the sofa sitting on the other side. 

" Baby come here." I patted my lap, he looked at me a bit confused. " I need to talk to you, and it's gonna be easier if you sit here." I insisted. 

He scooted closer to me lying on his side, his head placed on my tights. I felt his warm breath on my legs, causing goosebumps all over my body. 

" Is everything okay?" His voice sounded concerned. 

" Yes, it's fine, I just don't want to let you alone here. It's too big for you." I explained. 

He looked at me curiously, probably wondering why I was making that such a big deal. 

" Nayeon will be back here in a week at max." he replied. 

" I'm gonna stay here with you in the meantime, it's my house after all." I stated stroking his raven hair.  

His eyes went wide, it was easy to read his thoughts. 

"But where am I gonna sleep?" He asked me. 

" Don't worry, there are three bedrooms. Two doubles and one single." I reassured. 

" And where are you going to sleep?" He questioned. 

" Nayeon has her room with a double bed and the single room is currently used as a store room, so I guess you will take the other double and I'll sleep on the sofa." I told him.

" Never in a million years, I would let you sleep here." he affirmed his voice was so sweet I melted a bit. " We are gonna share the double."

I leaned down kissing his forehead, my clothed tits touching his head. 

" Really, I'm fine here." I whispered. 

He shook his head,  his hand grasping my thigh. " No, m-mum." he stuttered.

I looked at him and then nodded, a smirk appeared on my lips. " If that's what you want." I whispered to him. 

His hand didn't leave my skin, his fingers were massaging it gently. I closed my eyes enjoying his touch, my body started to react to his actions. 

A moan slipped out my lips, my thighs squirmed a bit.

" Mum?" he questioned me, my eyes opened to meet his.

" Hm?" I asked back.

He moved his head on my lap, the friction of our skin made me moan even louder. 

" Are you feeling okay?" he asked.  " More than okay." was my answer. 

 He kept looking at me with his splendid eyes, my hand kept combing his raven hair. 

" Baby, are you a virgin, aren't you?" I questioned him out of the blue.

His cheeks got tinted, and his eyes scanned the room before looking back at me. " Yes." he nodded. " I've never been with a girl." 

" I see." I let the conversation die for the moment, it was almost time to get dinner. 

" Baby, let's grab a bite in a restaurant here on the main street." I affirmed.  

He went to change his clothes to something more elegant, while I just freshened up not having a spare change of clothes with me.  

It was hard for an external person to think we were mother and son, my baby has grown up so much, he was tall and slender, and his body was still a bit skinny, but he had a great height which made his body even more appealing. He was wearing a black trouser and a plain white shirt, his hair was perfectly styled.

I could notice how many people were looking at us while we were walking through the main streets of the town, I kept my hand on his hip making my ownership of him quite clear.

We reached the restaurant, we decided to pick the one with a full window view of the street, it was late afternoon so we didn't need to book the table in advance.

I ordered a bottle of wine for us. I knew his father wouldn't approve of that since he was 17 but I was his mum and I wanted him to have a nice time with me.

He asked me about the University and my past experience there, we chatted for a while sipping wine and eating our food. 

My baby was looking at me with adoration like  I was a goddess. His gaze on me was making me feel so sexy.

" Mum, can I ask you a question?" he whispered to me as the dinner was almost over.

" Of course, baby." I answered back. " Go ahead."

" You're so pretty and smart, we both know what kind of broken relationship you have with Dad, why have you never seen anyone else?" his question was sincere.  

" I have you, baby boy." I replied. " And I love you more than anything. I don't need anyone else." My answer was sincere as well.

His gaze softened, and his hand caressed my arm tenderly. " Mum, I adore you." 

I melted a bit with his comment. We kept eating in a warm silence, the walk back was serene, he held me by my waist as we walked, his tall body protecting me.

We didn't talk much once we got back to the flat, I took his hand and led him towards the bedroom. 

My baby had no idea what was I planning to do, his face was blushed and his blue eyes were wide with wonder.

" Mum." he called me in a whisper, his voice trembling.

" Yes?" I whispered back.

" What are we gonna do?" he asked.

" You are going to take your clothes off." was my answer.

His cheeks turned even redder, he started to undo the buttons of his shirt with nervous hands.

I followed his motion, removing all my clothes while he remained with his trousers and underwear on. 

I pushed him to sit on the bed, my hand reached into his trousers to unbutton them and pull them down his legs. 

His gaze was on me as I kneeled on the floor and removed his boxer. His member accidentally sprang out and slapped my cheek, making me giggle.

His cock was beyond what I was expecting it to be, it was much longer than his father's and thick enough to give a hard time. 

" Lay on the bed with your legs wide open, honey." I commanded him, and as a good kid as he had always been he obliged silently.

His eyes were full of lust and uncertainty for what was about to come.  I sat on my knees in between his legs, his cock was standing up right in front of my face. 

My hands motioned on his shaft, stroking it gently and slowly. He moaned so cutely that made me wetter.

I leaned on his dick, kissing his head and licking his shaft from the base to the tip. His moans were getting louder with each lick, I could feel his cock twitching on my tongue. 

My lips parted widely to let me shallow him, my mouth covered his cock entirely it was so deep down my throat I started to gag. I bobbed my head up and down sucking his cock as best as I could, his hips moved upwards pushing the shaft more down my throat making me gag. My saliva was drooling down my lips, he placed his hands on my scalp gently guiding my motion without forcing me. 

With a loud pop, I released his cock from my mount, replacing it with my hand. I lowered myself down his shaft to the balls, my lips gave them a lick and his body trembled. 

" N-not there." he stuttered cutely under my touch. 

I smirked nastily taking a bit of my spit on my index finger, I rubbed his hole making it wetter. He tensed up as he saw me doing that.

" Mum, what are you doing?" His voice was so small and innocent, making me feel so dirty.

" Shhh, baby, I know what to do. " My free hand stroked his cock making him relax a bit.

My wetted finger pushed slowly against his hole, reaching his inner walls and curling down to his prostate. I had inserted till the second knuckle of my finger, slowly I started to massage his prostate gland with a 'come hither' motion.

" Fu-fuck. Mum...!" he screamed and his body was twitching under me.

" I'm cumming." I moaned softly.  Ropes of semen landed on my face making a mess on me, I swirled my tongue around my lips savouring his delicious cum. 

His blue eyes looked at me like he was possessed, his gaze was so heated that he almost burned me. 

" I'm gonna put at work that handsome face you have got." I affirmed mounting on his face. 

His tongue found my pussy right away, licking it like it was a lollipop.  I began to rock my hips on his soft mouth, his hand gripped my ass squeezing it firmly.

His tongue darted inside of my pussy tasting my juices, I moaned with my head leaning back and my eyes closed. I placed a hand on his forehead stroking his hair making him feel better.  I started to rock back and forward on his mouth, his lips were stretched widely, and he was licking everything of my pussy.

" You're so good." I praised him. " You're gonna make me cum." I declared as his hands gripped my ass hard. He was eating my pussy with hunger, making me shiver.

My orgasm hit me out of nowhere, his tongue on my clit was too much for me to handle. I rode his face squirting my juices in his mouth. 

His eyes were on me the whole time, he could feel my pussy clamping on his tongue as he was licking my cum off of it. 

I got off of him panting, my body plotted close to him. " Baby nobody has ever made me cum with just his tongue." I admitted. Our tongues collided as we kissed each other. His lips moved from my lips to my ear, licking my earlobe and nibbling.

" I want to fuck you now, mum." He whispered in my ear, his warm breath made me shiver.

" Take me as you please." I surrendered to him wrapping my legs around him. My pussy was still dripping from my previous orgasm, and his cock slipped inside of me easily. He bottomed out in me with one thrust making me scream in pleasure. 

He was filling me so well, his movements were slow and sweet. His hands were caressing my body, my legs were wrapped around him pulling him deep in me.

His cock moved slowly in me as he was thrusting in me from above. His mouth kissed my neck and my collarbone, leaving a trail of red marks on me.

" Faster." I requested him, wanting him to pound my pussy hard.

He obeyed me immediately, his thrusts were now faster and deep than before. I could feel him hitting my cervix with each thrust, it made me scream and moan loudly. 

" Mum." He groaned in pleasure as he was fucking me hard.

My hands reached for his ass, pulling him deep in me and squeezing it firmly, making him moan.

" That's it, baby. Keep going." I purred as he hit my sweet spot with each thrust. 

I know I was demanding a lot from him, it was his first time and so far he had satisfied me well over my wildest expectations.  

He raised his torso from my body, he grabbed my hips in his hand lifting my ass upwards. 

He started to pound me deep and fast, my tits were bouncing wildly as he was thrusting hard. I could feel him stretching me out,  but I couldn't care less, his cock was feeling too good.

" Baby I'm gonna cum." I screamed. "You are gonna make  me squirt again." I announced to him. 

His hand slid on my pussy and he found my clit with his fingers. He started to rub it making my pleasure even better. I was so close to cumming that his fingers were enough to send me in an intense orgasm.

His name came out my lips as I came, and my juice gushed out of my pussy coating his cock and balls.

I was a mess. He slowed down a bit sensing that I was too sensitive to keep going as his previous pace.

This was a kind of attention I had never gotten before, but I have to admit that it was pleasant. Even my husband cared just to pound me like a  slut when we fucked. I looked up at my son and he was smiling down at me, his face was red and sweaty.

" Rest your body on the bed, I'll ride you like you cannot even have dreamt of." I purred in his ear biting the earlobe. He nodded and did so. 

I took a deep breath and moved over him; I took one of his nipples in my mouth, licking it firmly. My son moaned and squirmed under me as my tongue was moving on his nipple. My other hand reached for his cock, stroking it firmly; he was such a sucker for the foreplay. 

" It's time for me to do a bit of work." I asserted straddling 

 him. My pussy still dripping wet and it swallowed his cock with ease. 

I started to move on his cock at first slowly making his eyes roll in pleasure. I could see him biting his lower lip, as he was trying to be quiet. He was doing his best to not make a single sound, but he was failing. His moans were so adorable, that made me want to tease him even more. I leaned in, my tits were just above his face. 

" Bite my tits." I ordered him. He obeyed immediately taking one of my nipples in his mouth and sucking it hungrily. I moaned under his touch, his hands went to my hips as he was pulling me down on his cock. 

The angle was perfect, his cock was hitting my G-spot with each of his thrusts, making me cum a bit each time.

I lifted one of my breasts in his mouth giving him the other nipple to suck. He switched sides immediately, devouring it in  his mouth like a hungry animal.

" More." I pleaded him wanting to feel his teeth on me. His teeth were so sharp that I knew they would hurt a bit, but it was just the right amount of pain to mix with my pleasure.

He obliged me immediately biting on my nipple with his teeth, making me cry out in pleasure. 

His hand moved to my ass squeezing it firmly as he was thrusting deep and fast in my pussy.

I kissed him torridly, my mouth swallowing his moans. I started to grind my pussy on his cock as I was sitting on him. His hands went to my ass again helping me to move up and down on him.

" Oh god, this is so good." He moaned in my mouth. I smiled knowing that I was satisfying him well. His cock was deep in me as I could feel it hitting my cervix making my walls clamping on it. His thrusts were becoming more urgent, he was getting close to cumming.

" Cum for me, baby." I whispered to him looking at him with lustful eyes. 

"Where?" he asked me breathlessly.  

"Inside. Do it ." I answered him.

His movements became frantic, he was pounding me deep and fast making me scream as he was cumming. His seed was shooting in my womb making me orgasm with him. I felt his cock twitching inside of me as it was pumping his cum.

I kept kissing him as we were running down our orgasms. My head rested on his chest, which was moving up and down with his breathing. His hands were still on me rubbing my skin gently. We lay down like that for a while dozing off without realizing it. 

I woke up before my adored son. I made up my mind, never in a million years I could leave him now I have finally someone who cherished me with all his essence. I was wealthy enough to afford to lose a job in London and relocate here to Oxford, the University would have been happy to welcome me back and so my former colleagues. 

My son would have been so happy to have me here for him. He was my only child and the love I had for him was beyond any comparison. I knew that it was not healthy to be in a relationship with your own son, but what is healthy in this world? 

His father, I didn't even have the guts to call him my husband anymore, only cared about his work and his new assistant. 

My son started to move in his sleep, his moans were adorable, they were making me feel hot all over.

I kissed his cheeks waking him up, his eyes opened and he looked at me in wonder.

" Good morning." I whispered. " Good morning, mum." his voice was still husky from sleep. His arms wrapped around me, holding me close to him. I felt at home, he was so safe and warm. He made me feel better than any other man I've ever been with. 

" Baby, do you love me right?" I questioned him. " As a woman I mean." 

He nodded immediately, a smile appearing on his lips. " Mum, you are the prettiest woman I've ever seen and you're my mum." I blushed at his words, I knew he was sincere and I loved him so much too.

" Can we be together?" I asked him. 

His face softened, and a smirk appeared on his lips. His hand went to my pussy touching it lightly. " Yes, mum." was his answer. 

" I was wondering if you would be down to include a third person in our relationship.” I told him, and his face turned serious immediately.

" Not a chance." he responded without even thinking. 

" Not even if I want Nayeon to be with us?" I smirked, I've always known he was fond of that bunny girl.  His face changed, he looked at me with a new interest. 

" Really? She would be down with that?" His curiosity was making him so cute. 

" I don't know yet, but we could ask her. What do you say?" I asked him.

He thought for a few seconds before nodding in agreement. " I would be fine with it."

I smiled at him, kissing his forehead and hugging him tightly. " Now, move your butt and provide some breakfast for the two of us." 

" Five minutes." he complained kissing pecking and pecking my lips. "Your mouth is so addictive."

He caressed my back slowly and tenderly, it sent goosebumps down my spine. 

We went downstairs holding hands, my pussy was sore but it was the good kind of soreness. He wore his boxers and a T-shirt while I just had on my panties and the T-shirt he was wearing yesterday.

He prepared two cups of tea for us and a big portion of toast with jam. We sat in the living room on the couch eating together and chatting.

The day passed by slowly, my baby was so loving and caring, he kept hugging and kissing me all day long. I loved the attention he was giving me, and his eyes were showing me that he was feeling the same.

Nayeon anticipated her comeback knowing we were in Oxford, she came late at night just before dinner. 

I was on my son's lap riding his cock wildly,  I was in heat and I couldn't stop myself from riding him like a wild beast. His mouth was on my tits sucking my nipples with hunger. I screamed his name as I came on his cock, his seed followed mine filling my pussy with it.

As we were catching our breath, we heard the bell ringing. I got off of his lap quickly, reaching for my skirt and top.

I got to the door opening it and Nayeon was on the other side, she looked at me curiously, probably wondering what I was doing here and not my husband.

" Nayeon! Come inside." I welcomed her. She took off her coat and bag before entering, she stopped in her tracks when she saw my baby on the sofa. He was still in his boxers, but he looked quite guilty. 

" J-jihyo." She stuttered.

" Hi dear." I answered her. I moved towards my son who was sitting on the sofa, and I straddled him again. I kissed his lips and I could taste the remnants of our juices on them.

" What are you two doing?" she questioned me and my son, she knew that we were close but I don't think she suspected us to be so close like that. 

" Oh, we are just discussing a few things." I stated looking at her. She was wearing a short white dress paired with black stockings and black high heels.

My son's blue eyes scanned her figure, and I knew he liked what he was seeing. I got up from his lap and motioned her to come and join us on the sofa.

" Sit with us." I smiled at her, her expression was still curious. She walked over to us sitting beside him. She looked at us both as if waiting for an explanation.

" You know we love you, don't you?" I started asking her. " Of course, I love you too." she answered looking at us with confusion.

" I will stay here in this flat, I'm in a romantic love with my son but we  have been wondering if you'd like to join us." I stated. Her face was still looking at me in wonder. 

Her eyes darted to my son who was looking at her in desire. " You know I have always had a thing for you, don't you?" he asked her timidly. 

Nayeon 's cheeks turned bright red, she nodded in response. Her face turned in my direction as if she was asking for permission. 

I smiled at her. " Go for it." I told her.

My son's hands reached her thighs and he started to rub them slowly and tenderly. I watched as their bodies started to react to each other.

She moved closer to him kissing his lips, their tongues colliding in a passionate kiss. 

I took the moment to watch them, their eyes were closed and their moans were filling the room.

My son was still in his boxers, and my pretty bunny had her dress and stockings on. I could tell he was horny as hell, he wanted to fuck her badly.

She broke the kiss and looked at me, probably wondering if I was still okay with her being with my son. I gave her a nod and she smiled back at me.

His had undid the buttons of her short dress, her tits were on full display for him and he started to lick and suck them eagerly. 

She moaned loudly and squirmed under him, her pussy was wetter than ever. I reached for my baby's cock and started to stroke it slowly. He moaned against her tits making her laugh and blush.

His boxers were off of his legs and I was stroking his cock firmly, Nayeon gasped as she saw him naked for the first time. 

" He is bigger than I expected." she giggled. 

I laughed at her comment, I was happy to know that my baby had pleased her so much. 

She removed her dress and she was just in her stockings and bra, her body was so pretty and toned.

She straddled my son, taking his cock in her hands and stroking it slowly. My hand helped her guide his shaft inside of her pussy. She was so tight that she screamed in pleasure as his cock bottomed out in her.

I stood up from the sofa, moving behind her. I reached for her bra undid it and removed it from her body. I massaged her shoulders and back making her relax under my touch.

" So good, baby." She moaned as she was bouncing on his cock. Her pussy was taking him in like a hungry beast, she was so greedy for his cock.

I smirked at her reaction, I knew what she was feeling. His cock was the best one I've ever had in me.

Nayeon leaned forward making out with my son as she was riding him more savagely, her ass was slamming against his pelvis each time she was going down on his dick. I smirked knowing he was loving that. 

" Baby don't let her do all the work." I observed sitting beside him. 

He smirked and started to pound her from below,  his thrusts became faster and harder. Nayeon was screaming in pleasure, her walls were tightening around his cock.

" Don't stop." she purred in his ear. " I'm fucking close." 

My hand reached her pussy rubbing her clit and her pussy lips making her scream my name. She started to cum on his cock squirting her juices in his balls.

" Oh gosh." He moaned, his teeth were biting her shoulder making her scream more. 

I removed my skirt and panties. " Baby take her from behind." I suggested him scooting a bit further away spreading my legs. 

He spanked her ass making her jump before pulling out, Nayeon lay on the sofa with her butt facing up. She crawled towards me placing her head on my lap, I stroked her hair tenderly.

My son kneeled behind her and pulled her hips upwards making her pussy available for him. His cock was hard and dripping with pre-cum.

I placed a kiss on her lips as my baby started to thrust in her from behind. She moaned in pleasure, as my tongue darted inside of her mouth.

She tasted so good, like a ripe strawberry. I could taste her juices in her mouth. 

He was pounding her harder, his thrusts were urgent and needy. Nayeon's pussy was dripping with cum, her juices were coating her thighs.

" It's too deep, bloody hell." she moaned breaking our kiss. She buried her face down brushing against my 

 pussy lips.

" That's it baby, make her scream." I purred stroking my tits with my hands. Nayeon was working on my folds with her fingers making me moan. Her tongue was tasting my clit making me shiver.

She was so good at it. My son was pounding her so hard that her legs trembling.

" I'm cumming again, fuck." Nayeon hissed squirting once more on his cock. My baby was moaning loudly, his thrust became erratic and urgent.

I lifted Nayeon's face, her expression was a statement of pure bliss. " Where do you want him to release?" I asked her.  She blushed a bit knowing she wanted him to cum in her.

" Inside." she whispered, her voice was small and cute.

I laughed and nodded, " Baby, you heard her. Do you worst with her." 

My son held her waist with his hands pounding her like a wild animal. Her pussy took him in, again and again, I lead her face down to town letting her suck on my pussy. 

Her tongue was so soft, it was making me shiver.  " I'm about to cum." He announced finally. 

" Fill me to the brim, do it." Nayeon cried out. 

He rammed a few more times before his cock started to twitch inside of her. His cum coated her pussy filling it to the brim. 

I screamed as I came, Nayeon kept licking me till I finished my orgasm. I was panting as I pulled her back on my chest.

Her face was flushed, her lips swollen.  My son's hands were still holding her waist, his cum leaking out her pussy making a mess on my sofa. 

" You're gonna need to clean that." He smirked pulling out of her pussy.

Nayeon and I were still lying on the sofa panting, she turned to look at him and kissed his lips sweetly. 

" As your girlfriend I warn you, I'm possessive with my belongings." her tone sent a shiver down his spine. 

" I'll be yours only, pretty bunny." he purred kissing her forehead. She turned to lay on her back looking at me with wonder. " Are you really going to stay here?"

I nodded. " I am. I want to be with my baby, he is my world now." 

She smiled at me giving me a sweet smile. " I'm happy for you two."

I laughed at her statement. " It's just the three of us now. No more hiding."

" Oh, I like the sound of it." She purred in my arms, as my baby snuggled on my other side.

...

Nayeon's POV. 

We were on a date in a small cafe, facing one of the most picturesque streets in the city. I was feeling pretty today, wearing a yellow dress and her hair in a ponytail. 

My boyfriend was telling me about my last class when the waiter, a tall and toned guy, came to us. He was handsome,  he had a messy blonde hair and deep brown eyes. His member must have been huge given the bulge noticeable on his trousers. 

He had looked at me since we entered the cafe,  he was checking me out like it was a sin to be that beautiful.

He was writing down our order,  his eyes were on my legs the whole time. " Here, can I ask for your number?" he dared to ask me in front of my boyfriend.

I smirked at him. " No, I don't give away my number to anyone." I replied.

The guy pouted, but he didn't look disappointed, he knew he would have got his chance sooner or later. My boyfriend looked at me and I saw his eyes getting darker with jealousy, he hated it when other guys looked at me like that.

" Don't worry, baby." I whispered to him placing a kiss on his cheek. "I'm yours only."

" Why should I worry? You just stared at him like  he was a meal." He replied to me back.

" I was not, baby, I swear." I lied to him.

" Whatever, I need to go to the toilet." he got up and walked towards the bathroom.

The waiter was coming to us with the order; his eyes were still on me. " You are too gorgeous to stay with a guy like him." he whispered to me. " He is too insignificant for a girl like you."

I smirked at him biting my lips. The guy looked at me like he wanted to fuck me right here on the table. 

" Maybe, we'll see." I giggled.

" Oh I have got a thing, you would be very interested to see." he asserted, moving his hand along the bulge on his trousers.

" That's gross." I replied still looking at him with lust. " You shouldn't do that." 

" You want it, I can see that in your eyes." he smirked back. 

" You wish pervert." I declared as soon as my love came back wrapping his arms around my shoulder from behind. 

" Let's go. I've had enough of this place." his voice was low and seemed calm, but I could sense he was pissed. 

We walked back to the flat silently he was holding my hand a bit more tightly than usual, a sign of his jealousy. 

When we reached the flat, my love threw me on the sofa and I laughed at his actions. He glared at me, his blue eyes were sparkling with anger. 

" Flirting with a waiter in front of me, that required audacity or stupidity it depends on the point of view." his voice was cold as the ice in his eyes.  

" I wasn't flirting. I was just looking at him." I tried to defend myself.

" Bullshit. He was eating you alive with his eyes and you were playing along." his voice got harsher. He undid his belt and unzipped his trousers, he pulled out his cock stroking it slowly and firmly.

I licked my lips watching him, his dick was already leaking pre-cum. His hand went to my skirt and removed it making me sit on the sofa in my thong. 

His hand reached in between my legs, his fingers rubbed my pussy lips and my clit. " So wet already." he commented sliding two fingers inside without warning. 

" You bastard." I moaned while he was fingering me rough. 

 His fingers were moving at an alarming speed inside of me. 

His thumb found my clit and rubbed it gently, his lips came to rest on my neck. " Now I'll show you why you are mine."

He removed his fingers from my pussy and grabbed my hips in his hands making me stand on all four. He pulled out my thong and his cock slid inside of me without warning. I gasped in surprise as he hit my cervix, he was so deep that I could feel him in my womb.

" Baby, slow down." I begged him. His grip on my waist got tighter making him push me deeper in me.

" No." was his answer, his voice sounded so cold. My ass was slamming against his pelvis as he was pounding me. His hands moved to my tits grabbing them in his hands. " Your pussy is too tight, you're making me cum." he whispered in my ear.

" That's the point, baby." I moaned as he hit my G-spot with each thrust.

His thrusts were faster than before; he was making my pussy take all of him. I was about to cum when he removed his cock from me, denying my climax. 

" The hell are you doing." I complained vividly.  He didn't answer me, instead he grabbed my hair pulling me up from the sofa. 

He made me stand in front of the sofa looking at him, he was still fully clothed except for his trousers which were at his ankles. I started to kiss him deeply, his hands moved to my ass squeezing it firmly. 

" That's how you should act, no flirting with others." he told me seriously. " Bed now." was his order.

I  obeyed him silently, he walked beside me till we reached my room. He closed the door behind him and locked it. " Remove your clothes." his voice was still cold, he looked at me as if I were his toy.

I removed the remaining bits of my outfit standing in front of him fully naked. 

"That's a sight to behold." he asserted removing his own clothes.  I lay on my bed spreading my legs open in invitation. 

He crawled on the bed never diverting his eyes from mine, he was making me feel desired. His lips traced a path along my neck, his hands reached my tits sucking on my nipples with hunger. 

His cock was throbbing against my thigh, his movements were so slow and torturing that I was starting to feel desperate. 

" Please." I whimpered. 

" Shut it." his mouth moved down showering my midriff with kisses till he arrived into town giving a long lick to my  pussy lips.

I moaned loudly, my pussy was dripping wet. His tongue darted into my pussy tasting my juices. His hands were under my thighs lifting them up. 

He sucked on my pussy, his tongue was dancing in my walls making me shiver and moan. His fingers found my clit rubbing it in circles making me scream my climax. He removed his mouth from my pussy as he tasted my juices on his tongue, he looked like a predator ready to devour his prey. 

He leaned over my body,  his cock found my pussy in no time and he was sliding deep inside of me till the hilt. My walls clamped on him immediately, my body was still trembling with my orgasm. His thrusts were deep and slow, he was giving me the sweetest of lovs. My hands wrapped around his neck, I was pulling him to kiss me. His mouth found mine tasting my lips slowly. 

Our bodies moved in sync with each other, he was fucking me so deeply that I could feel his cock head hitting my cervix. His mouth moved on my skin placing kisses on my body. 

" Oh my god." I moaned in pleasure. His hands found my tits kneading them roughly. 

My pussy clenched around his cock, my walls tightened making his cock twitch inside of me.

" Not yet." he growled stopping his thrusting. 

His face softened staring at me, he pecked my lips tenderly. " Nay, can I go a bit faster?" his voice was awfully cute. " I need you so badly."

" Fuck me hard, baby." I answered back.

His hands went to my thighs lifting them upwards and spreading them wide. His cock bottomed out inside of me immediately making me scream in pleasure.

His thrust became fast and wild, he was pounding me like a beast, my ass was slapping against his pelvis with each thrust. 

My pussy was stretching to accommodate his length, it was so sensitive that his thrusts made me feel so good that I could cry.

His eyes were closed, his moans filled the room, they were driving me insane.  " Honey keep going. I'm close." I urged him. 

His thrust became urgent, his cock was twitching inside of me signaling that he was close to cumming. His hands grabbed my waist pulling me upwards as he pounded me like a wild beast.

" You are making me cum again." I screamed releasing my juices in his cock. 

He was losing control; his thrusts became frantic. " Nay. I'm gonna cum." he warned me. 

" Pull it out I got a surprise for you." I told him, making him lay on the bed spreading his legs to make some room for me.  I licked his cock slowly and tenderly, his balls were still dripping with my juices. I liked two of my own fingers, making them glistering with my saliva.

" I'm gonna give you a prostatic massage." I warned him. His eyes were wide in wonder as I started to rub his asshole with my finger.

I knew it was a bit kinky, but he didn't protest. Slowly but surely I inserted one of my fingers in his hole. I felt him tensing up under my touch, but his cock was still throbbing. I moved my finger inside of him gently, it was the first time I was doing it, but my instincts seemed to work well. He was moaning loudly, his hand stroked my hair tenderly as I was pleasuring him.

My finger was deep inside of him till the second knuckle; his body was trembling. I found his prostate with ease and started to massage it firmly. My other hand was wrapped around his shaft stroking it fast. He moaned loudly, his body was shivering under my touch.

" Nay. I'm cumming." he gasped.

" Cum for me." I whispered back. His cock twitched in my hand as his orgasm hit him. His cum was shooting out in ropes, I took a few drops on my lips tasting them.

His body was relaxed, his breathing was slowing down. I laid on his chest, my head was resting on his shoulder as he held me in his arms. 

" Thank you, baby." he whispered placing a kiss on my forehead. " That was amazing."

" I know." I smirked kissing his chest. " But don't forget you owe me a round tomorrow" 

He chuckled and I could feel the vibrations of his laughter under me. 

Jihyo came opening my door. " Can I get him?" Her voice was almost tired after a full day at work. 

I nodded too shattered to do anything more than sleep. My love kissed me sweetly and moved to his mum happily to see her. 

...

Jihyo's POV

When I returned home from my last lecture I heard my son shouting in pleasure in Nayeon's room. 

Today I wore a simple but alluring sleeveless black dress that ended way before my knees. Students had ogled me during my lectures, my legs were toned and my ass was round. My black heels enhanced my curves perfectly, I looked like a supermodel more than a teacher. 

I took off my heels and coat before entering the house,  I walked silently till I reached Nayeon's door. 

I heard my son moaning and begging her to finish him. My pussy clenched at the thought of them having sex. I had never been with a woman before but I had always wondered what it would be like.

I pushed the door open slowly,  my son was laying on the bed and Nayeon was over him with her ass up in the air. 

"Can I get him?" I questioned, I needed him so badly. 

Nayeon let him go falling asleep before we left the room.  I took him to my bedroom where he took my hand making me spin like we were dancing,  I giggled and he laughed with me. 

"I love you, mum." He told me once we were in bed.

" I love you too, baby. I miss you so much." I admitted to him kissing his forehead. His hands went to my ass grabbing it firmly and squeezing it. I moaned in his arms.

" Did you have a good day?" he questioned.

" I did, in this dress I made turning  heads in the university." I confessed to him. My son smirked and pinched my my inner thigh hard a few times making me laugh.

" So nasty to make those students dream of you." he affirmed biting the point where he pinched me, my soft flesh 

 was red from his touch.

"I can't help it." I defended myself, my cheeks were red and flushed with embarrassment.

" Of course not. You are a goddess." He praised me. I blushed at his compliment and I felt so good in his arms. His mouth found my neck nibbling it tenderly. 

His hands went for my dress undoing the front buttons, his hands were so gentle that I felt like I was in heaven. 

" Take it off." He commanded me and I did so roughly removing my dress and bra. 

His eyes found my tits immediately as always, he moved his semi-hard cock closer to them. 

" Do you want me to let you fuck my tits?" I questioned him reading in his mind.  

" Yes, please." he replied me. 

He aligned his member in the middle of my breasts while I  squeezed them together making a nice cleavage for his cock. I stroked his cock with my tits making him groan in pleasure.

" You have the softest tits in the world." he praised me.

His hands were massaging my tits with so much gentleness, his member was throbbing in between my tits.

I squished my tits tighter making him moan louder. His thrusts were getting faster, he was about to cum. His face was contorted in pleasure, I could see he was trying to hold back his orgasm. 

His movements became erratic, his cock twitching in between my tits. " I'm about to cum." He gasped out of breath. 

" Go for it, baby." I encouraged him.

His cum was shooting out on my tits, he had cum so much that it was dripping on my chest.

" That was too good." He whispered placing a kiss on each of my tits. His tongue licked my tits cleaning his own cum from me. 

" Son can you go one more time?" I asked him. I know I was pretending a lot since he already cum twice tonight but I was confident in his stamina.

" I can try, mum." he answered me. I smirked at his reply, I instructed him to lie down while I mounted on him. 

" I'll fuck you hard, baby." I informed him grabbing his dick on my hand while raising a leg to make the access more easy. I lowered my body down on his cock taking him all in one thrust. He moaned loudly under me, his hands grabbed my ass cheeks squeezing them firmly.

" You're too tight, mum. I can't last." he warned me, but I was not listening. I started to move up and down on him slowly at first making him feel every inch of my pussy. His eyes were closed, his mouth was half-open.

He looked so cute and innocent that my heart swelled with love. I planted my hands on his chest to have a better balance, I moved up to his tip and slammed down violently bottoming out inside of me. My pussy walls clenched on him making his cock twitch.

" Mum, you're too good." he moaned placing his hands on my waist to help me move up and down.

I started to bounce on his cock at a frantic pace, my pussy walls were stretched to accommodate his girth. My tits were jumping up and down with each of my movements, he took one of my tits in his mouth sucking on it like he wanted to get milk out of it. His tongue was tracing circles around my nipple making me moan in pleasure.

I leaned in, kissing him deeply; my tongue was dancing with his in a passionate kiss. His hands squeezed my ass, making me feel like I was on fire, my pussy clenched around him, making him gasp in pleasure. I knew I was about to cum, I could feel it in my bones. My thrust became more urgent, his cock twitched inside of me,  and  it was signalling that he was going to cum soon too. 

I removed my mouth from his, my orgasm hit me, and my juices coated his cock and balls.

" I'm about to cum, mum." he whispered. He grabbed my hips moving me up and down on his shaft wildly,  his cock bottomed out in me again and again, and my pussy tightened around him making him scream in pleasure. His cock twitched violently inside of me as he released his load. 

" You filled me so much, baby." I purred as his cum was leaking out of my pussy, he was still pumping in my cunt. His left hand gripped my waist while the right one was on my head, caressing my short hair.  I smiled at him, my heart swelling with love for him. He was so perfect that I couldn't imagine a life without him. I was a lucky woman, he was my everything, the love of my life. 

Nayeon came into the bedroom naked as the day she was born, she seemed ecstatic to see us like that. She hopped on the bed wrapping herself around me and kissing my neck and shoulders. 

I pulled her in my arms holding her and my son with all my love. 

I loved my son with every fibre of my being and Nayeon, I had never felt this way for a girl before, but she had won me over. She was the perfect addition to our relationship. I would have done anything to make her and my son happy, they were my world and reason for existing. They made me feel alive like no one had ever done. Three is the magic number.

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Chapter 17 - Make My Chest Stir

Series Masterlist

Author's Note: Happy fake season 5 premiere. Now are you ready for some SAD? Chapter Title from Pavlove by Fall Out Boy

Word Count: 21.9k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: You want to go home. Usual Warnings, and also just so sad.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, heavy angst, pining

Read on A03!

Chapter 16 - Chapter 18

It had been one month, one week, two days, five hours, thirty-seven minutes, and thirteen seconds since Ben had lost Her. Failed Her. Held Her and heard her voice say his name. 

The Thing kept time for him. It had forbidden him to forget for a single second that She wasn’t there. Because of him. She was gone, he’d broken his promise, and now the Thing’s only job was to look for Her in corners—in strange shadows and oddly placed objects that might be Her—and beat every part of Ben bloody with an anguish for Her. To remind him, as another second passed, that he had failed Her. That She wasn’t at his side, where she belonged. That She had trusted him, and now she was in danger. 

The first week had almost killed him. He’d barely slept—and when he did nightmares of Her, just out of reach and screaming, would carve into his chest as the drums overtook him—so he’d wait until he was about to fucking collapse and then do it on the couch. Never on the bed. He didn’t go into the bedroom except to get to the bathroom. And every time he did, he had to fight the sick feeling in his body that She wasn’t there. He’d almost wrecked the apartment in wrath as well, smashing two chairs against the wall and shattering the TV. Then he’d been furious with himself for losing his fucking control, because She’d be upset the TV was broken. 

How the fuck is that helping anything, Benjamin? She’d cross her arms and glare at him. Then make him clean it up while She watched, cross legged on the couch. Still not really that mad at him, because Ben would grunt and glower at Her but do it all the same. Then he’d steal Her chocolate from the cafeteria in a silent apology, and even though she’d already forgiven him She would smile at him and tease him for being a grump as he watched Her eat.

She was haunting him. Ben knew Her too well, She’d planted herself so deep in his every thought that She was everywhere. Not just scattered through the apartment—clothes in drawers he had to pretend he couldn’t see, unfinished books on tables, and an empty coffee mug in the sink—but plaguing his every move. He couldn’t eat or cook without hearing Her frown at instructions and ingredients. 

What does “crisp up the edges” mean? Like, burn lightly? 

Ben had to stop cooking. It was wrong when Her voice was there but he couldn’t kiss the top of Her head or wrap his body around her own, hugging her into him as they both frowned at the stupid recipe.  

As such, at first he’d only left the apartment to get food—stalking back immediately after because if the Pussy Brigade kept looking at him with fucking pity he’d kill them all and that would defiantly make Her pissed—and to attend briefings. Boring, pointless fucking briefings where Butcher would say they still didn’t have a lead—at that point they didn’t know anything except that She was with Homelander and Vought said she was in “recovery”, so nobody had even fucking seen her—and Ben had to find another way to live with himself. With how he’d failed Her.

The Pussy Brigade had been pissed with him. MM’s glares had become somehow damn angrier than before, Annie and Hughie kept fucking sighing, Frenchie looked at Ben like he was about to rip everyone’s heads from their shoulders at the smallest word in his direction, and Butcher and Kimiko were acting like Ben was the fucking asshole. Like they weren’t the ones sitting on their fucking asses, and Ben was slowing them down. He had been attending their stupid fucking meetings and managing not to kill anybody when every single fucking one ended the same way, with Her not any closer to coming home. So every single one of them could go fuck themselves until She was. 

Then he’d been called to the dining hall for another meeting, and found only MM and Annie waiting for him. 

“You need to talk to her sister,” MM snapped. “She needs to know what happened.” 

“No.” Ben’s grunt was meant to be final. He didn’t want to talk to Violet. He didn’t want to be reminded of Her, he already had to see Her perfect face whenever he opened his phone. He had no desire to see her in all the similarities and mimicked expressions on Her sister’s features, or hear her in the way they both always spoke with a frantic pace, as if the words might get away from them. 

“We’re not fucking asking-“ 

Annie had stopped MM with a hand, looking at Ben carefully. “She’d want her sister to know.” 

She would. She’d be pissed Violet didn’t already know. But Ben couldn’t. “One of you pussies fucking do it then.” 

“It has to be you,” Annie had said Her name gently. “She would want it to be you.” 

Ben had wanted to kill Annie. To tell her she had no fucking clue what She would want him to do, but she was right. Ben had to do it. This was a fitting fucking punishment for failing Her.

They’d called Violet. Annie had wanted Ben to see her in person, but MM had decided it was too dangerous. So they’d called her, using MM’s phone. 

She’d asked Ben what the hell had happened, and he’d told her. 

The line had gone silent for a long, painful minute before Violet spoke again.

“You’re going to get her back.”

Even though it felt like the words were clawing at his throat, Ben had parroted what he’d been telling himself since he’d lost Her. “Like I fucking said, we have to kill Homelander-“ 

“I don’t give a shit about Homelander,” Violet had snapped. “You’re going to get her back.” 

“You think I don’t fucking want to?! You think this isn’t fucking killing me?” Ben had almost roared into the phone. He knew he’d failed, he didn’t fucking need this. Nobody needed to tell Ben he’d lost Her. He’d never be able to goddamn forget it if he tried.

“I know this is fucking killing you. And I don’t goddamn care.” Violet’s response had been cold. Furious. “She’s my sister, and I want her back. And if you care about her even a quarter as much as I think you do, you’ll want her back too. So go get her back.”

It hadn’t been a question or a plea. It had been a command. Ben was going to get Her back. Fuck Homelander, fuck Butcher and MM and Mallory. Ben cared about Her, more than he’d ever cared about anything, and if he didn’t get Her by storming the Tower he’d rip the world apart until he found Her and brought her back. Brought her home. 

Violet had hung up the line, Ben had chucked MM’s phone back at him, and turned to stomp back to his room. To get his shield and fucking bring Her home. He’d spent a week doing it the team’s way, fucking sitting on his ass like a pussy, and that was fucking it. He’d get her back, his way, no matter fucking what. 

MM had stopped him. Planted himself in Ben’s path with a glare. 

“Move.” Ben had hissed. There wasn’t fucking time for this. He had to do something. Get Her back right goddamn now. 

“Stop being a fucking child,” MM’s words had been blunt. Furious. And Ben’s vision had gone red. 

“The fuck did you just say to me-“ 

“You’re being a whiny, pathetic, sulking child.” MM hadn’t flinched, and Ben had been certain he had a death wish. “I sure as hell understand why Violet’s angry. But she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. We’re going to get her back, but when it’s safe.” MM had said Her name, and Ben had almost broken the teeth in his own mouth. “She’s strong. She’s smart. She wouldn’t want us to compromise the mission for her.” 

Of course She wouldn’t want that. She was always fucking throwing herself in the line of fire, taking bullets meant for everyone else because she could. But she shouldn’t fucking have to. Ben didn’t give a shit how strong She was, she shouldn’t keep fucking doing this to herself. He couldn’t keep fucking allowing everyone to just let her do this to herself. 

“I don’t give a single fucking ass’s ballsack.” Ben had hissed. MM needed to be crystal fucking clear where his priorities were. Not with the Pussy Brigade, not with the mission. With Her. Always with Her. “I’ve already fucking wasted too much goddamn time pussyfooting around for you-“ 

“This isn’t for me, you dense motherfucker,” MM was still in Ben’s way, and Ben had been more than ready to fucking move him. “Or for Annie, or Hughie, or even fucking Violet. It’s for her.” 

“Fuck you, you don’t know what the goddamn hell you’re talking-“ 

“She hasn’t broken out,” it was Annie who spoke, and Ben had turned on her with a scowl. “She’s still there-“ 

“I’m well fucking aware-“ 

“For a reason, you fucking asshole.” MM’s sneer had been cold. “We all know how strong she is. She could’ve broken out-“ 

“Her fire wasn’t working.” Ben’s fists had been curled at his side, and he’d felt fucking sick. “It just stopped. She can’t break out, she fucking needs me-“ 

“We haven’t damn seen her. We don’t know even if she’s in the fucking tower or not. And no matter what, we have to play this like she would.” 

That had halted Ben. “What in Christ’s fucking asshole are you talking about.” 

“We can’t play this like Homelander. Or Butcher.” Or you. Annie hadn’t said the last words, but Ben knew they were implied. “She’s the one who’s there. Who knows what is and isn’t possible, what precautions Vought does and doesn’t have. What they’re planning with Her. Right now we’re in the dark, but she isn’t. So we have to play this like she would, like she’d tell us to do if she were here.”

Ben had been silent, trying to find a good reason to not just fucking killing Annie and MM and storm Vought Tower to get Her back. He didn’t care about the mission or plan anymore. He just needed Her home. With him.

It’s not about us right now, Ben. Her voice had echoed in his head, gentle but firm. Don’t throw a temper tantrum, I’ll come home soon. Once this is over. Trust me. 

She’d play it smart. He’d known that immediately, that She’d play it smart. She’d play it underhanded and unfair—with sharp words and dirty tricks—but fucking smart, and She’d get the job done. At any cost that She deemed truly unavoidable. 

Ben really fucking wished She’d start realizing that she wasn’t an unavoidable cost. 

But that’s how She’d play it. She’d use herself like a weapon and then crawl back to Ben with Her guts falling from her body. She’d be planning something. Ben knew Her, he knew that she’d be planning something. But She was so fucking afraid of Homelander. There was no certainty that she was Her right now, that her mind was currently capable of finding a way out of this.

“We don’t know where she is,” MM had said slowly, and Ben had remained silent. “And we don’t have a way to get her safely, except killing Homelander. Don’t be a fucking idiot, you asshole.”

“We won’t rest until she’s back,” Annie had added, tone a hell of a lot more soft than MM’s. “I promise.” 

Ben had stormed past them, uninterested in their fucking promises, and tried to find a way around this. A good reason that he could just go get Her.

He could go to the tower. Demand Her back. 

And I’m sure they’d be super chill about that. Homelander would just hand me over and apologize for the inconvenience. 

He could just fucking kill Homelander right now. Stop waiting for whatever pointless fucking shit Butcher and Mallory were planning and kill Homelander now.

He’s not going to fight you. Not after we kicked his ass on the lawn. He’d see you and fly off.

He could bribe someone-

With what money, Pretty Boy? 

If you’re so fucking clever, Ben had hissed at the voice. Then what would you do? 

I’d play it out. I’d make a plan and then I’d play it out. 

You always shut the hell down when you’re afraid, no plans, barely even full goddamn sentences. And you’re fucking terrified of Homelander. 

Wow, I wonder why. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Ben had snapped that last part aloud, and Her laugh had carried on the wind. 

He’d sat in it, arguing with Her voice in his head for hours until his phone had buzzed on the table.

William Butcher; asshole, bother as much as possible.

Emergency. Dining hall, right now.

Don’t make me fucking drag you. 

They’d all been waiting when Ben had arrived. Huddled around Hughie’s laptop with wide eyes and mouths hanging open like fucking idiots. 

“Unless the emergency is you pussies doing a fucking circle-jerk-“ 

“It’s not,” Hughie had spoken over Ben, and his eyes had widened slightly as he saw Ben’s murderous scowl, realizing what he’d just done. “Uh, I mean you’ll want to see this. It’s important. It’s uh,” Hughie had opened and closed his mouth like a fucking fish, and Annie had taken over. 

“It’s her. It’s-“ 

Annie said Her name, and might have been about to say more, but Ben hadn’t fucking cared. He’d crossed the room in two steps and ripped the laptop up from the table. Ignored the protests of the group as he’d stared at the screen. 

They had been watching some fucking cable channel, with BREAKING NEWS written in bold letters on the bottom of the feed. It was a fucking interview, where a charismatic haircut in a suit was behind a desk, smiling at Homelander. Smiling at Her. 

Her. 

Alive. In public. In immeasurable fucking danger, but within an arms reach. She wasn’t speaking, just smiling and looking between Homelander and the host as they spoke. Laughing on a perfect fucking cue when Homelander made a horrible joke. 

But Her eyes were fucking empty. That wasn’t her real smile, or real laugh, and no part of Her body was relaxed. She didn’t look harmed, but it was impossible for Her to look harmed. Her hair was styled perfectly, but she never wore it like that. She wasn’t speaking, even as Homelander compared them to Romeo and Juliet and called it the best love story ever told. She hated Romeo and Juliet. She’d lectured Ben at least twice about how it was a fucking cautionary tale, a tragedy, not aspirational. She was laughing at jokes Ben knew she wouldn’t find funny, and Her eyes were fucking dull. She was sat with her hands on the table, and he could see Her middle finger, tapping slightly. 

“Unfortunately, Soldier Boy got away. What are your plans going forward to bring him to justice?” The Haircut had been asking Homelander, and She’d blinked. The only sign she’d heard. 

“Well, I was so focused on saving the love of my life,” Homelander had placed a gloved hand over hers, and She given him a too sweet smile. “That Soldier Boy managed to run away. I could’ve caught him, of course, but she needed me. So I stayed. But we’re working on a way to find him, and eliminate his threat all together. Permanently.”

The Haircut had nodded, and looked at Her. “The public is dying to know more about you and Homelander’s plans, now that you’re reunited. What can you tell us?” 

She hadn’t even opened her mouth, letting Homelander speak for Her. “Right now we’re just focusing on each other. Building a strong foundation for our future together. You’ll hear more when we’re ready to share,” Homelander had given a shark-like grin. “And it will be juicy. Right, honey?” 

She’d nodded. No words, only a nod. 

Ben had been about to smash the laptop and leave. Go fucking find Her. This was live, she was somewhere in the city right fucking now, and he’d made up his mind. She wasn’t herself, her eyes were vacant and she was never fucking silent. She needed him, and he was going to find her. 

But then She’d looked right into the camera. For only a half-second—he’d almost fucking missed it in his anger—She’d made eye-contact with Ben through the camera. And her face had morphed. Twisted into one Ben recognized for just that split moment, before growing blank once more. 

I’m okay, Benjamin. Trust me. I’ll see you soon. 

She’d see him soon. And when she’d stood up—hand clasped in Homelander’s without fingers tangled, without touching him beyond his glove—she’d been wearing green. It had been a hideous dress, fucking frills and bows and lace and one size too small. But green. 

And Ben understood. 

She was playing this her way. She was asking him to trust her. She’d see him soon. 

He fucking hated this. But She was asking him to trust her, and he did. She was still Her, perfect,  and she was wearing green.

She’d see him soon. 

Ben had chucked the laptop back at Hughie, and glowered around the table. “What’s your fucking plan.” 

“We, uh, don’t really have one-“ 

“Then fucking make one.” Ben had sneered at Hughie. At all of them. “Now.” 

Annie had frowned at him. “I mean, I don’t think that’s important, not when she just-“ 

“It’s the only fucking thing that’s important.” Ben had hissed. “If you goddamn pussy idiots want to play it like her, do it fucking right. No fucking room for error, or doubt, or goddamn hesitation. If we’re getting Her back by killing Homelander, then let’s fucking kill Homelander.”

Butcher had nodded. “Welcome back, Gov. Whatever it fuckin takes.” 

Ben had left. He hadn’t answered Butcher, because he’d have just killed him. Split his face open in fury. The pussy didn’t fucking get it. Butcher’s whatever it takes was about the job. Ben’s whatever it takes was about Her. Getting Her back, making her safe. He was a goddamn fucking hypocrite, and he didn’t fucking care. 

Whatever it takes.

Not Butcher’s whatever it takes—what Ben had once meant, a lifetime ago—where he was really saying at any and all costs. 

Her whatever it takes. Where she was saying at my cost. At my sacrifice. 

Her sacrifice was giving every part of Her. Letting Her worst fears and nightmares become reality. 

Ben’s sacrifice was going to be his fucking sanity. His peace of mind traded for the torture of failing Her. Of having to let Her do this. But she’d done it, and he’d be fucking damned if she did it for nothing. She was playing this how she wanted, and Ben knew a lot better than to stand in her way. He’d play fucking nice, and do what the Pussy Brigade told him to, because She’d come home to him. 

He’d failed his most important promise to Her. That was broken, shattered, gone into the fucking past.

Now he had to let Her do what she needed to do. And then everything would be keeping Her safe. 

She’d need to be safe when she came home. Ben had to keep himself the fuck together, so he could hold Her when she came home. So he could be Her home, and make sure she still trusted him to touch her, care for her, and- 

Ben had nearly run straight into the Kid. 

He didn’t look like Homelander. There wasn’t anything evil on the Kid’s face, anything deeply gut twisting and skin crawling. Homelander’s face was fucking wrong. Weak. Inhuman. The Kid just looked like a damn kid. He had the same blond hair and blue eyes that Homelander did, but a lot of fucking people had blond hair and blue eyes. Fucking Annie had blonde hair and blue eyes. And, to keep it damn fair, Homelander didn’t look like Ben. Homelander wasn’t Ben. So the Kid probably wasn’t Homelander.

But Ben had lost Her for the Kid. 

So he didn’t really give a shit about if the Kid was Homelander or not. Butcher had what he fucking wanted, and She had given it to him. Butcher had traded Her for the Kid. And Ben didn’t want a goddamn thing to do with either of them. 

The Kid had been about to say something. Maybe call Ben fucking grandpa again. She’d have loved that. She’d have fucking fallen over laughing and then kissed Ben’s scowl, calling him an old grump.

Something hurt deep inside Ben’s chest. He might be doing this Her way, might have resigned himself to sitting on his fucking ass and working fully with the Pussy Brigade, but he didn’t need another fucking reminder that She was gone. Not when the Thing was keeping time. Not when Ben couldn’t escape Her voice.

He’d shoved past the Kid without a word. 

It took Ben two whole fucking weeks to find a rhythm without Her. To pull his shit together for Her. 

He didn’t sleep in the bed. He wouldn’t sleep in the bed, not if She wasn’t there. He changed the sheets because she deserved them to be clean. He brushed his teeth because she’d notice if he didn’t. He fucking perfected pancakes, so he could make them when she got home. He fixed the TV. He called Mallory to fix the TV. The TV got fucking fixed, and it didn’t really goddamn matter if it was Ben or Mallory or Hughie who did it. The TV was in one piece, and She’d be able to use it when she came home. 

He found small ways to torture himself until She returned. Ways to remind himself She was gone, fucking gone and alone, while still holding Her as close as he could. Ben used Her stupid fucking flower shampoo once a week, just so he could smell her like a pervert. He watched all the movies and shows she adored and tried to learn all the goddamn million songs she loved. For such an intelligent person, She liked some stupid fucking shit. The music was slightly harder for Ben to get through, mostly because of the sheer goddamn whiplash. Bright pop to heavy guitar to—fuck him—showtunes. He managed to get one song down to a key, which brought his total up to two whole songs that Ben knew and could sing to Her. Moon River and Rainbow Connection. He’d have to learn a third, because the fucking banjo made him want to shoot himself. For TV, he could’ve watched all the movies and shows She liked because they were good—The award winning ones made by a bunch of pretentious whining art pussies—or he could watch the ones She loved because she was a fucking enigma of a woman. A low-budget film about a hot woman and the worst fucking “dread pirate” Ben had ever seen. A fucking movie about pageants and the FBI. A goddamn cartoon about talking cars and spies. Another fucking cartoon with a billion damn episodes about a family who made burgers. Another too long show about monsters and hunting them and being a self-righteous pussy all the time. 

Ben didn’t actually hate that one. He liked how much they decapitated people, and that he could almost hear Her talking through the whole thing. He couldn’t see any deeper meaning in any of this fucking dimly-lit shit, but She’d find some. And he wanted to try and look for something so that when she inevitably made him watch it, Ben could blow her fucking mind with some sort of stupid observation or metaphor. Her pretty mouth would fall open, and her eyes would widen—half with disbelief and half with delight—and She’d be so fucking happy. 

And that was where the torture part began. She wasn’t smiling at him. She wasn’t happy. She wasn’t even fucking safe. She was with Homelander. She was doing fucking everything for fucking everybody instead of resting against Ben and telling him about all Her perfect, strange, and pointless thoughts. Ben wasn’t holding Her, laughing with her or fighting with her over nothing. She didn’t even have a fucking way to know how much this was killing him. How every movie he watched and song he listened to made every part of Ben just fucking miss Her. He missed Her so fucking much. 

That was the worst part, really. It wasn’t that Ben had to put up with Butcher’s fucking lectures or Annie and Hughie’s goddamn sympathy. It wasn’t seeing the Kid or having to play nice with the Pussy Brigade and their terrible ideas. It was that he fucking missed Her. Mallory and Butcher would start fucking bitching about plans and intel other boring shit and Ben couldn’t look to the side and roll his eyes at Her. He had to eat alone—Ben was pretty goddamn certain he wasn’t welcome at dinners without Her—and she wouldn’t throw food at him or talk to him through large mouthfuls. He had to go into the bedroom to get changed and see Her clothing, still mixed in with his. Static. Never fucking moving from place unless Ben touched them. Because She wasn’t fucking here. If She was here she’d know what to fucking do with all of this, she always knew what to do, but she wasn’t. She wasn’t smiling at him with a pretty mouth and adoring expression. She wasn’t snorting or giggling at him with that same perfect smile. She wasn’t watching the world with sharp eyes that became soft when She looked at Ben. She wasn’t looking at Ben at all, except through the camera. All he had of Her were moments where the mask would drop. Where Her eyes would flash with confirmation through the screen that She was still Her, but nothing more. She never had enough time for anything more. 

Homelander was fucking parading Her around. After that first week—where nobody had even known if She was still in the damn city, or state, or country—She was everywhere. Red carpets and interviews and rallies where She’d stand, silent and empty, and Homelander’s side. Never speaking or moving, only smiling as Homelander guided her with a hand on Her lower back. She didn’t flinch when Homelander touched Her, but that wasn’t where She was supposed to be touched. She wasn’t meant to be herded around like a fucking sheep by Homelander. She was meant to be wrapped in Ben’s arms, safe and tucked into his side while she held his hand on Her shoulder. She was never supposed to be fucking silent. All She fucking did was talk, and when she didn’t it was because Ben was touching Her the right way—carefully and devotoutly—and all she could say was pleas of his name. But those were still goddamn sounds. Perfect fucking sounds. Ben didn’t even hear Her goddamn voice until around the third week, when everyone had been gathered around Hughie’s laptop in the dining hall to watch a film premiere for Fish-Boy’s movie and Homelander had dropped down from the sky with Her in his arms.

She’d looked fucking terrible. Still perfect, always perfect, but not Her. Ben couldn’t miss the slight gray lines under her eyes the makeup wasn’t covering, or the sheer fucking emptiness on Her face. She kept tapping her finger on the ridiculous fucking dress they had Her in—dark blue with lace and velvet that made Her face twitch almost imperceptibly whenever she looked at it—and Her cheek was being pulled into her mouth. That had almost been it. Ben had almost decided to just goddamn fuck it and go get Her now. She wasn’t fine, Homelander was still goddamn touching Her, and fuck it all Ben was getting Her back. 

But She’d spoken. For the first time in three weeks, one day, nine hours, twenty-three minutes, and fifteen seconds, Ben heard Her voice. It had been mechanical, over-saturated, but Her voice. 

They’d asked Homelander another useless, brown-nosing question about Fish-Boy and supporting sea animals, and he’d met them with too many teeth and cold eyes. And told Her to answer it. 

“Marine wildlife and its safety and preservation is a cause that’s very important to us both,” She’d smiled at Homelander, and it hadn’t reached her eyes. “Which is why, after the premiere tonight, me and Homelander will be donating 2 million dollars to the Timothy Foundation!” 

“We really care about octopi,” Homelander had kept talking, and She’d still been fucking smiling at him. “And squid, and ocean slugs.” 

She’d blinked, and Ben saw the words flash across Her face. 

Slugs aren’t cephalopods, you fucking idiot. 

She’d said me and Homelander. Not Homelander and I. She was tired, and being fucking used like a puppet, but still Her. They were letting Her speak now, and when the pussy interviewer had asked Her to spin so they could see her full dress, Ben had seen it. A jewel hair pin, completely out of place. Too fucking elegant, too fucking Her for whatever the hell they had her wearing. Green. 

So Ben had to keep waiting. It was fucking killing him—especially as they let Her speak more and more and he had to keep hearing Her voice speak words that weren’t hers—but he fucking pushed through. He wasn’t a pussy, he was a goddamn man, and if She could keep herself together then Ben could as well. For Her. 

But it was still fucking destroying him. 

The nightmares got worse. The longer She was gone, the less Ben slept. Half because the couch was not meant to be slept on—Ben’s legs kept dangling uncomfortably off the side and he could only fit one arm at time—and half because he couldn’t fucking sleep. Not without Her there, not when she was in fucking danger and that thought was chasing him into his sleep. His nightmares weren’t about Russia anymore, they were of Her, screaming and screaming and begging Ben to help Her. And Ben never could. He’d run and turn the fucking world upside down but he could never fucking save her from Homelander. He’d drop at Her side, give Ben a cold grin, and they’d both fucking vanish. 

And Ben would wake up with the drums tearing out of his chest. 

At one month, one long, horrible, mindless and suffering month of being without Her, the Thing became painful. It had been painful, reminding Ben of everything he’d lost and how the whole world was fucking shit because She wasn’t there, but now it was starting to grow bloody. It hadn’t gotten weaker with Her absence, if anything it was becoming a fucking monster. Stronger, angrier, more goddamn insistent to tell Ben that one fucking thing. The one he couldn’t figure out, the one he had needed to tell Her and had never been able to. It couldn’t use words, so it used memories to try and fucking kill him. To try and make Ben understand what he just fucking couldn’t. To make him rip himself further apart because She wasn’t fucking there. The Thing only offered him good memories, which was worse. The horrible ones—the images flashing in his head of Her fear and terror that would climb into Ben and make him want to kill whatever was making Her hurt—were justified. Ben had fucking failed her. And they reminded him to just keep fucking going until she was gone.

The good ones made him want to die. 

The memories of Her legs tangled in Ben’s or wrapped around his torso. Of Her smiling at him with so much joy and Ben kissing her when she laughed because it would turn into a moan and those were the two best sounds in the whole fucking world. Of Ben touching her, casually and always, and her leaning into him and pressing her head into his chest. Of watching Her—he always watched her, she was like a fucking star and he couldn’t look away—and how he’d memorized every perfect fucking detail of Her face. Of how her eyes would light up when she looked at him, and She’d tell him she adored him. He fucking adored Her. She was fucking perfect, still fucking perfect, always goddamn perfect. And every single piece of Ben that mattered, his will and resolve and care and mind and blood, was trapped in the tower with Her. Leaving only his body and the Thing, wrathful and desperate, to ache. His whole world fucking ached because She wasn’t there. 

And Ben couldn’t fucking do shit to get Her back. 

The Pussy Brigade was working on it. Whenever Ben would yell at them or demand updates, they’d always say they were working on it. They’d leave for meetings and missions that they’d brief Ben on, but never let him just fucking help. Let him bring Her home. Ben couldn’t go out in public, not after the tower, not when he’d been declared Public Enemy #1 by Vought and was a threat to America in the eyes of the general population. So he was fucking benched. 

“We’ve got another lead,” MM had been giving a briefing, and Ben had been half-listening. All these meetings always amounted to the same thing. Ben stayed behind, the Pussy Bridage found nothing, and She was still fucking gone. “It’s on Sage, old member of Teenage Kix’s might know some sort of fucking psychological weakness we can use against her.” 

Most of the fucking missions were about Sage. Trying to figure out what she was planning, what her long-game was, how they could get her out of the picture for an easier shot at Homelander. The pussy had locked down all of the Seven, and was taking goddamn precautions. Limited press, limited public appearances, all the focus on Her and Homelander’s fake fucking love story. On how Vought was trying to take Ben down for justice, to avenge Her. Fucking protect the country. 

“I don’t think she has psychological weaknesses,” Annie had frowned. “I think we need to be focusing on what her plan is-“

“Or we could just bloody kill her,” Butcher’s glare had been around the whole table, even at Ben. Which was stupid, because he was entirely in fucking favor of killing Sage. “Take her out permanently. Blow a hole in her fuckin chest that she ain’t gonna heal from.” 

“If you find an actual window for that,” MM had snapped. “Then let us know. Until then, we’re following the lead.” 

“It ain’t even a good lead, Mate.” Butcher had grumbled. “It’s fuckin useless. We’re not makin any progress chasing leads.” 

Ben agreed. He might have even spoken up and told MM that Butcher was, for once, fucking right about something, but the asshole never knew when to shut his mouth. 

Butcher had said Her name, and Ben had seen red. “Still with fuckin Homelander. And we don’t know what type of shit he’s doin to her while we sit on our asses-“ 

“Shut the fuck up, you fucking asswipe of a pussy.” Ben’s hiss had been a promise. A threat of blood on the tiles and Butcher’s brains scattered across the table. Butcher didn’t get to talk about Her. Didn’t get to say what she’d want, or imagine what pain Homelander was inflicting upon her, or even fucking think about her. She was lost because Butcher made her think she was worth less than the Kid, was worth less than all of them, was better off as a fucking pawn. So Butcher didn’t get to fucking say Her name.

“I’m fuckin defending her, Gov.” Butcher hadn’t stood down, because he was a goddamn self-assured idiot. “We’re all tryin to get her back-“

“I said,” Ben had pushed back the bench, standing with his fists clenched. “Shut the goddamn fucking hell up. You’re the piece of shit who said we had to wait. And you don’t get to fucking defend her, she’s not yours to fucking defend.” 

“But she’s yours?” Butcher had sneered, rising as well with tensed arms. “She’s your fucking woman? Your Sunshine? You think she feels like you’re fucking defendin her, when she’s trapped with Homelander?” 

She was Ben’s. Ben was Her’s. They didn’t fucking own each other, but She was Ben’s. To protect, to make happy, to hold and touch and- 

“Watch your fucking mouth.” Ben could hear the drums somewhere in the distance. “Or I’ll fucking kill you. You’re a weak, pathetic, excuse for a man, a manipulative, lying, backstabbing pussy. You couldn’t defend her if you fucking tried.” 

Butcher had been about to hit him. Ben had seen his fist curl, seen the flash of violence in his eyes, and fucking prayed Butcher was going to hit him. To throw a fist at Ben that he’d let land, to fucking feel it. Real, physical pain, instead of this never ending fucking ache. Then he’d fucking kill Butcher. It would be justified, the pussy would’ve thrown the first punch, so Ben could cover his hands in Butcher’s guts as he tore them out and nobody would say shit. He’d have proof, real fucking evidence, that he was fighting for Her. That he was doing goddamn something. 

But Butcher hadn’t hit him. He’d just glared, and Ben had stormed out of the dining hall. Back to exile in their apartment. Without Her. 

Hughie had tried to follow him. To fucking apologize.

“Soldier Boy!” His weak, nervous voice had called after Ben, and he’d felt fucking sick. He had never hated his supe name before, it had been his whole fucking life. He’d been fine with the Pussy Brigade using it, because to them he was Soldier Boy, and he got to be Ben to Her. But She hadn’t called him Ben in a month. He’d only heard his supe name. And now he fucking loathed it. 

He’d kept walking, and heard Hughie’s heart speed up as he chased after him.

“Wait, please just,” Hughie had taken a large gasp. “Holy shit, you walk fast. I just want to talk-“ 

“Go fucking talk to Annie,” Ben hadn’t turned around. “We’re not fucking buddies, Kid. I don’t have shit to say to you.” 

“It’s not about me-“ 

“I don’t fucking care.” 

“It’s about her!” Hughie had stopped running, just yelling Her name after Ben. “I want to talk about her!” 

Ben had turned. Not to talk. He didn’t have single fucking interest in talking about Her with anyone. But he’d needed Hughie to see his face when he spoke. “Don’t fucking say her name.” 

“She’s, she’s my friend too-“ 

“I don’t give a fucking flying shit what she is to you!” Ben had roared, closing the space between him and Hughie with furious, long steps. “Or Annie, or Butcher, or fucking anybody. She’s fucking-“ 

“She’s something to you.” Hughie had, in an act of bravery Ben hadn’t imagined him capable of, cut him off. “She’s something really important to you. Something more to you. I, uh, I don’t really know what, but I know she is. And I just, I wanted to ask if you were okay. With her not here. You haven’t really talked to us-“ 

“Shut the fuck up.” Ben wasn’t about to talk about his fucking feelings. Not with Hughie, not with fucking any of them. Ben’s feelings weren’t important right now, and they weren’t for the Pussy Brigade to ever fucking see. Let alone fucking talk to him about. 

“I’m, I think she wouldn’t want you to feel guilty.” Hughie had stood his ground, and Ben was almost impressed. “She cares about you. Like a lot, a kind of insane amount. And we all care about her, but she really, really cares about you. And like I said, she’s kind of more to you. So I just, I want to help.”

She was more to Ben. She was the whole fucking world to Ben. Fucking perfect, and she wouldn’t want Ben to feel guilty. She’d probably fucking apologize to him, or get pissed at him for being a dick to Hughie.

You’re being a baby, Benjamin. Her voice ran through his head. This isn’t anyone's fault. Not Hughie’s, not yours. I mean, a lot of things are your fault, but this isn’t one. 

Ben didn’t fucking care. He’d still lost Her. He might miss Her, and it might be destroying him that She was gone, but he’d see Her again. Soon. And he wouldn’t fucking break, so that She could. When she was safe. With him. 

“I’m not a fucking pathetic pussy who needs you to jerk me off about my goddamn emotions.” Ben had sneered at Hughie. “And she’s not fucking here. So don’t pretend you’d know what she’d fucking say or do or want.” 

None of them fucking knew Her like Ben did. None of them had any clue what She’d want, they barely had a grasp of what She fucking do, and they wouldn’t let Ben tell them. They knew he wouldn’t leave, not until She was home, but they still didn’t trust him. Not like She trusted him. Not like Ben trusted Her. And any care they had for Her was worth nothing compared to how She was fucking everything to Ben. How he was fucking devoted to Her, how he- 

“What would she want?” Hughie had asked, taking a slight step back but not leaving. “What do you think she would do?” 

“She’d talk to Neuman.” Ben had shocked himself with the words, because they’d fucking fallen out of him with certainty. She would talk to Neuman. And She wouldn’t bother asking about Sage. She’d look for breaks in Vought, or Homelander.

Sage is too smart to leave a leak. Her voice mused in Ben’s head. We need an in. A way to pull Homelander’s attention and trust away from her, or find a breach that Homelander is responsible for. He’s not a fan of being told what to do. You need to exploit something she can’t control or predict. Neuman worked with them both. She’d have an idea what they clashed about, and we can use that. 

Hughie had stared at Ben. “Neuman? What would Vicki-“ 

“She worked with Homelander and Sage.” Ben had echoed his imagined words of Her, saying Her name and trying not to let it hurt. “Would think chasing after Sage’s weaknesses was stupid. She’d think it’s a waste of time, especially after a fucking month with no result.” It’s the definition of madness, Benjamin. This door isn’t opening, you can’t brute force your way through it. Find another entrance. “She’d want to talk to someone reliable. Find another fucking way, that actually works.” 

Ben had left Hughie gaping in the hall, and marched away. Back to the apartment. Alone. 

Another week passed, and nobody had called Ben for a meeting. He was running out of patience. They were nowhere fucking closer to Her. He had to keep fucking watching her on the TV, watch Homelander touch her incorrectly and repulsively, watch Her smile in a way that wasn’t hers. He was kept from insanity by those small moments that proved She wasn’t gone, just not safe, but Ben was at the end of his fucking line. 

He was about to do something. Every day he’d been getting closer to doing what he should’ve from the fucking start, because the Pussy Brigade kept saying they were playing this like She would, but they fucking weren’t. Ben knew how she’d play this, he’d even damn spelled it out for them, and they were still doing it fucking wrong. 

He was going to do something. Today. Now. Ben was going to just fucking risk it, and everyone could hate him and he couldn’t give a single shit about that. He was getting Her back, his way, today- 

His phone buzzed. Lighting up with a message from Hughie. It stabbed Ben’s chest to have to read it, because he had to look at Her face on his lockscreen and see the name She’d entered for Hughie’s contact. But he did anyway. He wasn’t a fucking pussy. He could read a damn text. 

Hughie Campbell; Cocksucker, don’t be a cunt.

We’re having a meeting.

Please come ASAP. 

When Ben arrived in the dining hall, everyone was gathered around Hughie’s laptop again. He was starting to think this was some sort of fucking mating ritual of theirs, with how damn often they did it. 

“Oh, you’re here.” Hughie sounded surprised. As if he hadn’t fucking told Ben to come. “You’re uh, on time. The call hasn’t started.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about.” 

“We’re calling Neuman,” MM snapped, meeting Ben’s eyes with a glare. “Congrats, motherfucker. Looks like your idea might actually work.” 

Ben scowled, but stalked around the table. He didn’t gather in their little fucking herd—standing off to the side as they all shot him glances—but waited. They were finally fucking being half as smart as She was, so he’d put up with their weird looks and goddamn attitudes to make sure they didn’t fuck this up. 

Neuman appeared on the screen after five minutes of heavy silence. Ben immediately knew where she was. His old room, in the safe house.

For her sake, he hoped someone had fucking cleaned it before she arrived. 

“Hi, guys.” Neuman’s voice crackled slightly, but the video remained smooth. “Mallory said you had some questions for me?” 

“How are you, Vicki?” Hughie asked, apparently with no fucking sense of urgency. “Have you and Zoe settled okay?” 

“We’re good,” Neuman shrugged. “I mean, a little stir-crazy, but good. I heard about the Anomaly, I’m really sorry-“ 

“This is actually about her.” As Annie spoke, Ben’s fists tightened at this side. “We’re, uh, we’re trying to find a weakness in Homelander. Kill him faster, get her back. And we were wondering if you had any ideas.” 

“Ideas?” 

“You worked with both the cunt himself and Sage,” Butcher drawled. “You can’t be fuckin clueless as to what they might be plannin.” 

“I mean,” Neuman frowned. “I remember Sage was trying to develop a gas to use against Soldier Boy-“ 

“We got that already,” MM leaned forward, slightly over Hughie’s head. “We’re thinking more long term shit. Something we can use against Homelander, something that might make him turn away from Sage. She’s the real threat right now. We’ve got Soldier Boy to blast Homelander, but we can’t get a shot as long as Sage is keeping him in check.” 

“Huh,” Neuman’s face twisted in thought. “I’m not sure. In November, right before Maine, I heard Homelander and Sage fighting about something. Homelander had gone somewhere and not told her. She said if word got out it could ruin everything she’d planned, and he said she wasn’t his boss, he was hers, and it had been for his own health.” 

“Health?” Annie frowned. “He’s invulnerable.” 

“Mental health,” Neuman corrected herself. “He said he needed closure. That he’d gotten it, and now he could move forward.” 

“The hell would that asshole need closure about?” MM and Butcher exchanged looks. “He kills everyone he hates, everyone who threatens him. He doesn’t have a family-“ Ben didn’t miss the pause, or everyone’s quick looks in his direction before MM continued. “Or at least one that matters. No childhood, no friends, no past. The fuck-“ 

“He was made in a lab, no?” It was the French Prick who spoke up, looking around at his team for confirmation. “That is his childhood. Maybe that is what he needed to move forward from.” 

Butcher nodded slowly. “Prick is bloody obsessed with family. That was his whole fuckin thing with Ryan and-“ 

Her. That was Homelander who fucking thing with Her. And Ben wasn’t going to let Butcher fucking say it. He stormed forward, into Neuman’s view. 

“Where the hell is Homelander’s lab. Where they fucking grew him, or raised him, or any of that fucking shit.” 

Neuman gaped at him, shaking her head slightly before speaking. “It was, um, I don’t really know. Sage said he couldn’t just disappear right now, and Homelander said he hadn’t even left the city. So he was in New York, but I don’t know where.” 

“It’s a big fucking city,” MM muttered behind Ben. “I don’t think we’ve got the time to comb it for one lab.“ 

Kimiko was signing something to the French Prick. Fast, with a determined face and a lot of nods. 

“What the fuck is she saying,” Ben snapped, and could feel MM’s glare through his skull. He didn’t fucking care. 

“She said that sounds similar to where they kept her,” the French Prick said Her name for clarity, watching Kimiko carefully. “That we found that by looking for the dead scientist. That the Homelander probably was not paying his childhood home a visit for fond memories.” He looked over Ben, at Butcher. “She wants to tell Monsieur Butcher that when they made her into a monster, they tried to find weaknesses. She thinks they might have done the same for the Homelander.” 

“MM,” Butcher said, and Ben looked back to see him frowning. “Call Grace. Tell her we need any records of Vought scientists she’s got. Lad,” Hughie turned as well, blinking at Butcher. “Keep talkin to Neuman. See what else she’s got while we work this.” 

Butcher started to walk away, and Ben followed. Blocking the asshole in his path. 

“The bloody hell is your problem-“ 

“I’m going on this one.” Ben snapped. “There’s not fucking shit you can do to stop me. We won’t be in public, this is the best fucking lead we’ve gotten in a goddamn month, and I’m fucking going to check it. Make sure you pussies don’t fuck it up.” 

He thought Butcher would argue. Tell Ben to shove it, that he was still benched. But he just looked Ben up and down with a scowl and narrowed eyes, and shrugged. 

“Your fuckin funeral, mate.”

Ben let Butcher walk around him, and stalked back to the table. Sitting silently off to the side as Hughie, Annie, and Kimiko all spoke to Neuman. The French Prick had left with MM, leaving Kimiko to type her thoughts on Her phone, but Hughie always repeated them aloud for Neuman, and Ben had fucking ears. Nothing interesting happened—New Noir was weird, Neuman was pretty sure Ashley was bald, and something called a Believe Expo was happening in a week—until the end of the hour. 

“How are you guys holding up?” Neuman asked, and Hughie shrugged. 

“I mean, we’re fine. Can you, uh, repeat the thing about the Deep-“ 

“What, that he’s an octopus fucker?” Ben couldn’t see Neuman’s face, but she sounded exasperated. “You already knew that Hughie. I’ve told you everything I have, I just want to talk to my friends.” 

“We’re okay, Vicki,” Hughie glanced across the table to Ben, watching silently. “I mean, it’s rough, but we’re okay.” 

“How is everyone, with the whole Anomaly thing?” 

Ben really fucking wished they’d all stop looking at him like that. Like he was about to start fucking crying. 

“We’re mostly just worried about her,” Annie said slowly. “I mean, we miss her. It’s weird without her here. But there’s not much we can do until we kill Homelander.” 

“That sounds like Butcher talk, Annie.” Nueman said flatly. “That doesn’t sound like you guys.” 

“It is Butcher talk,” Hughie admitted, rubbing his neck. “But he’s not always wrong-“ 

“I didn’t say he was,” Neuman interrupted. “I just wouldn’t trust his judgment with this. I mean, he’s being a hypocrite.” 

Annie frowned, glancing up at Ben again. At his hands, curled into white-knuckled fists as he listened. “About what? Like, with Ryan?” 

“No,” Hughie shook his head, giving Annie a sad look. “Becca. That’s what you’re talking about, right, Vicki?” 

“It is. I mean, this is almost exactly like Becca. And you told me he was doing anything to get her back. But Soldier Boy-“ 

All eyes shot up to Ben, and he held their weak, nervous fucking gazes as Hughie cut off Neuman with a stutter. 

“He’s, uh, Vicki he’s here. Soldier Boy, he kind of, uh, he’s listening.” 

Neuman didn’t falter. “Good, he should hear this. Butcher had a wife, Homelander did to her what he’s done to the Anomaly. And Butcher did pretty much anything he could to get her back. Searched for her, killed for her, whatever he could to get her back. I mean, Stan even told me they cut a deal for it. If Butcher wasn’t such a heartless asshole, he’d care more about Soldier Boy and the Anomaly. About how Becca didn’t seem like the type who would want him to let what happened to them happen to anyone else.” 

Hughie swallowed. “I don’t think he doesn’t care, or isn’t trying to help her. I just-“

“Hughie, don’t make excuses for him. I saw how Soldier Boy was about her. Like Butcher was for Becca. And if he’s still there, then that old asshole should know that Butcher did whatever it took for Becca. He might even be right, but he’s still a hypocrite.” 

Ben left. If they all kept looking at him like that, with all that fucking pity, he’d lose his goddamn mind. He already fucking knew about Butcher’s wife. The Kid’s mother. He’d learned about her on the first go. She’d had Homelander’s son, got killed, Butcher had made her some sort of fucking promise, and Ben hadn’t given a fucking shit about any of it.

But he’d never known Becca Butcher. He’d heard Her talk about Becca, when she’d yelled at Butcher about Homelander and when they’d been planning to trade Her in for Ryan, months ago. But he’d never known about Becca outside of those sparse details. He didn’t know the lengths that Butcher had gone to. Lengths he wasn’t allowing Ben to go to for Her. 

Ben was going to fucking kill him. 

Jesus, Benjamin. Were you even listening to Neuman? 

Shut up. His voice in his own head was a growl. Ben didn’t need Her voice to tell him off right now, because even in his head she was always fucking right, and Ben didn’t have any interest in being talked out of this. 

You shut up. Butcher’s a dick, but he’s not an idiot. 

He’s a fucking hypocrite, Sunshine. You’d be fucking home if he wasn’t such a goddamn cold-hearted pussy. I’d have gotten you day one if Butcher hadn’t stopped me. 

You wouldn’t have gotten me, though. Butcher’s, for once, right. Homelander would’ve hidden me the moment you stepped foot in the tower. 

Homelander hid Becca. Butcher still fucking fought to get her back. 

Becca died, Ben. She’s like, really dead. 

Ben faltered for a second. Becca had died. That doesn’t fucking mean anything. 

I’d say it’s kind of important. If I’m really Becca two, then maybe Butcher’s just trying not to get me killed as well. 

You can’t fucking die. And you’re you, not Butcher’s fucking dead wife. 

I know that. All I’m saying is maybe Butcher just doesn’t want you to lose me, like he lost Becca. 

I don’t think he gives a fuck about me that much, Ben drawled Her name in his head, and could almost fucking hear Her sigh. 

He’s not heartless, Ben. I mean, he’s a cunt. But he’s not Homelander. He’s capable of thinking of others, sometimes. 

Ben wasn’t a fan of how, when She was just a voice in his head, he couldn’t shut Her up by kissing her. He had to listen to Her, and she was always fucking right. She was too good, too kind, but right.

Ben didn’t kill Butcher. And, when he was called to the dining hall two days later for a briefing, there was finally a fucking plan. 

“We’re heading to Queens,” MM was stood at the head of the table, Butcher a pace behind him. “A group of known Vought scientists and a handful of chem and bio majors at NYU interning with Vought all went missing round November, and they all got cars that were parked in Queens. Mallory found a building that’s getting electrically wired underground, and we’re going to check it out. Got it?”

Annie raised her hand, and MM nodded. “Do we have a way in? If it’s a Vought building-“ 

“Ain’t nobody been seen entering it since all those fuckin nerds vanished,” Butcher shrugged. “I’d wager we’ll just walk right in.” 

“What about security, Butcher. Keycards. Locks.” 

“We’ve got America’s strongest cunt comin with us,” Butcher shot Ben a smirk. “You think you can open a locked door, Gov?” 

Ben scowled at him. “You fucking know I can, you pussy.” 

“That’s the bloody spirit.” 

“Do we, uh, what are we looking for?” Hughie glanced nervously between Ben and Butcher as he spoke. “Is it just kind of a pray we find something situation, or is there like something specific?” 

Butcher didn’t stop glaring at Ben as he answered. “A weakness, Lad. Anythin that Homelander or Sage wouldn’t want us to see or know.” 

Hughie nodded. “Like a weapon? Or a drug?” 

“We’re not sure yet, kid. But I’m sure there will be something.” MM sighed, then muttered under his breath. “There better be fucking something.” 

“Oh, okay. So it’s all of us, or-“ 

“Me, Soldier Boy, MM, Kimiko, and Frenchie. You and Starlight will stay and hold down the fort.” Butcher clasped Hughie on the back, and Hughie gave a sputtering cough. Idiot had just put water in his mouth. “Try not to fuck on the tables while we’re gone.” 

“We’re not going to fuck on the tables, asshole.” 

Butcher winked at Annie. “Long as you clean up after yourselves, I don’t care where you twats fuck.” 

“It’s not your business-“ 

“As much as I’d love to have another long and graphic conversation about my co-workers sex lives,” MM cut Annie off with a glare at Butcher. “Can we get our fucking asses up and into the van?” 

“I’m not the one who can’t keep it in my fuckin pants, Mate-“ 

“We all keep it in our pants!” Annie was almost shouting. “Everyone keeps it in their pants, it’s not our fault we’re capable of love, you lonely, bitter asshole!” 

“Love ain’t lust, Starlight-“ 

“Can we please fucking move-“ 

Ben stood up, and the Thing was trying to fucking kill him. It was Her, she had to know that unspeakable fucking thing Ben couldn’t goddamn understand- 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” MM shouted after him, Butcher and Annie still locked in their pointless fucking argument that was making the Thing go feral. 

“I’m fucking getting ready.” Ben snapped, not bothering to turn. “And I want a gun.” 

He didn’t wait to hear MM’s response. If they wouldn’t give Ben a gun, he’d take one. And there was not a fucking world where they could stop him from bringing his shield or wearing his suit. This was fucking important, and their bitching and moaning about protocol and safety wasn’t going to help with fucking shit. 

I feel like you just really want a gun, Ben. Her voice hummed, carrying through the silence of their apartment. 

I do want a fucking gun. It’s a goddamn useful weapon. 

You’ve done fine without one before.

No, I didn’t. I gave you my gun and I fucking lost you.  

And how the hell would the gun have stopped that? 

I don’t fucking know. But it would’ve. 

You can just want the gun, you know. You’re allowed to just want something. 

I only fucking want you. Ben's jaw was going to crack. The gun will help me get you. I don’t want the damn gun, I want you. 

Aw, I want you too, Pretty Boy. 

You as well. 

Fuck you. 

“I wish I fucking could, Sunshine.” 

He’d spoken aloud again. He had to fucking control that better, or the Pussy Brigade would start asking questions Ben didn’t want to answer. 

They were taking the Pussy Mobile. Butcher’s car only fit five—a limited they’d tested once and had no interest in testing again—and nobody seemed thrilled with Ben’s pitch of just leaving Butcher behind, so he found himself in their awful fucking van, pressed up against the wall without Her at his side. The ride was silent, and Her ghost—not a fucking ghost, she wasn’t fucking dead—whispered in his ear the whole goddamn way to the Bronx. 

Do you think they ever clean this thing? 

No. 

I mean, they have to. They all get shot and beat up way too much for it to not be a biohazard. 

It doesn’t fucking smell like they clean it. 

But MM’s like, obsessed with cleaning. I don’t think he’d step foot in here if they didn’t. 

Maybe this is where Butcher jerks off. MM cleans it and Butcher jerks off right after. 

Her giggle rattled around Ben’s head. What type of porn do you think he watches? 

Hentai. 

How the fuck do you know what Hentai is, old man. 

There was fucking hentai in the 80s, Sunshine. I’m not a damn dinosaur. 

See, I don’t believe that. 

Doesn’t fucking matter what you believe. You’re the one who’s going to fucking benefit from my years of experience and study. 

Ben could see the flush of her face somewhere behind his eyes. Could just fucking hear Her heartbeat pick up, a million miles away. 

Shut up. 

Someone backs down real fucking fast when she’s horny. 

I’m not the one who just promised to fuck me with tentacles. 

I never said shit about tentacles. 

Fuck you. 

I want to. 

You’re impressively horny, Benjamin. 

It’s all for you, beautiful. 

Thanks, that means a lot. I’ve always aspired to be an old man’s spank bank. 

Brat. 

Cunt. And you’re wrong. Butcher is actually into femdom. 

Ben snorted aloud, and the French Prick gave him a strange look. 

He was losing his fucking mind. He missed her, and he was losing his damn sanity over it. 

This better fucking work. 

Butcher had been—fucking annoyingly—right. They all but walked right through the front door, down into the basement, and found the elevator. Without any damn buttons. 

Butcher hadn’t been right. Good. 

“What the fuck are supposed to do now?” MM scowled at the sealed metal doors. “We don’t have a keycard, and there aren’t any more stairs-“ 

“I’m fucking thinking, MM, calm the bloody hell down-“ 

Ben’s attention was pulled away when Kimiko tugged on his sleeve, looking up at him with wide eyes. “What the hell do you want.” 

She waved the French Prick over and began rapidly signing, occasionally pointing between herself and Ben. 

“Mon Coeur,” the French Prick frowned, glancing at Ben. “I am not sure that this is a good idea.” 

She shook her head, and repeated a lot of the same signs once more.

“But-“ 

She covered the French Prick’s mouth with a hand, pointing at Ben again before removing it. 

“Very well,” the French Prick addressed Ben with a twitchy gaze. “She says both you and she could go down the shaft. Send the elevator up after you. But,” the French Prick looked back at Kimiko. “Mon Coeur, what if you cannot send the elevator-“ 

“That’s a good fucking idea.” Ben snapped. “Tell her that’s a goddamn good fucking idea.” 

Kimiko flipped Ben off, and the French Prick sighed. 

“She can hear you.”

“I don’t give a shit what she can and can’t hear. We’re doing that.” He turned over to MM and Butcher, still fucking arguing. “Me and her,” Ben pointed to Kimiko, still glaring at him. “Are going down.” 

“The fuck are you on about.” MM grunted, looking between them wearily. “Frenchie-“ 

“Kimiko wishes for Soldier Boy to open the doors, then they will both jump down the shaft. They will survive, and send the elevator up for us.” 

“Ain’t no way in Satan’s fucking taint we’re letting you out of our sight, Gov.” Butcher sneered. “Me and MM will figure it out, and you’ll follow our fuckin orders-“ 

“Fuck you, Butcher.” Ben marched over to the elevator. “I’m not going to fucking run or betray you. I’m not a fucking backstabber, and if I wanted to pull something I would’ve already.” 

As Ben pulled the metal apart, ripping the doors open with ease, he still fucking heard MM’s low mutter to Butcher. These fucking pussies kept forgetting he had super hearing. 

“He’s not lying, Butcher. If he was going to betray us, he’d have done it in fucking February. When she went soft of him.” 

“MM, you of all damn fuckers-“ 

“I know what I’m fucking saying.” MM’s voice had gone cold. “I goddamn know who I’m defending. And I also know he’s not going anywhere. Not until Homelander’s dead.” 

Not until She’s back. MM didn’t have to say it. He knew, just as well as Ben knew, that he was fucking stuck here until She returned to him. Technically he could run. He could fuck the whole lot of them and break out, but he wouldn’t. He couldn’t leave Her—with Homelander or just in fucking general—so he wouldn’t go anywhere until She could go with him. 

And Butcher fucking knew it as well, so the asshole fell silent, and let Ben pry the doors fully open. 

Nobody ended even fucking needing to jump down, making the whole goddamn argument pointless. The elevator was stuck right at their level, and didn’t require a keycard to operate, so they were able to all fucking ride it down the normal way. 

When they finally halted after far too goddamn long and the doors opened with a pleasant ding, the smell hit Ben’s nose first. The whole lab, tubes and equipment and computers, was covered in a goddamn horrible smell. It was rotten, and fucking disgusting. 

“Merdre,” the French Prick spoke first, the group filtering off the elevator. “I am not the only one who is smelling this, non?”

“I sure as shit do,” MM glanced around the lab as they spread out and spotted the brain-crushed, pantless, very dead man who had a clean hole right through his fucking dick. “But it’s fucking putrid, it can’t just be Dick-hole.” 

“If someone finds a candle or somethin,” Butcher drawled. “We’ll light it. Until then we’ve fuckin work to do.” 

Ben stared around the lab, and his eyes landed on a large, red door. Sealed shut, burn marks scorched around it. It took only five seconds to open it. One to wish he hadn’t fucking bothered. 

“Christ on a fucking Cross.” Ben muttered. “It’s not just Dick-hole.” 

It was blood. Fucking bodies and blood and rotting flesh smeared and torn across the room. A slowly decaying body of a woman—untouched save for being tied to a chair and half her face having fucking fallen off in death—was in the corner, but everyone else had been ripped limb from fucking limb. 

“Bloody hell,” Butcher muttered, a few feet behind Ben. “I’d say it’s a safe wager that Homelander’s visit wasn’t a happy fuckin reunion.” 

“Holy fucking shit!” Ben turned to find MM’s face twisted in a nausea, hands raised like if he blocked the view it might vanish. “Some warning might have been fucking appreciated-“ 

“We ain’t got time for warnings, MM.” Butcher started moving around the lab, poking over papers and frowning at folders. “Faster we find what we’re fuckin lookin for, faster we get out of this place.” 

It took four hours. Four whole goddamn hours for four grown fucking men and Kimiko to tear apart the whole goddamn lab and find absolutely nothing of use. Ben took half of the room—he moved faster than all four of the pussies combined—while MM and Kimiko searched their half closer to the elevator and the French Prick and Butcher searched closer to the door. Files and papers and records and half-finished experiments all amounting to goddamn zero. They overturned tables, ripped plaster off of walls, and shouted at each other to keep fucking looking. Still finding nothing. Not a goddamn thing. Kimiko gave up first, around hour two, and turned on the old TV in the corner of the lab. Squatting down next to Dick-hole and watching the only channel the piece of shit seemed to get, Vought News Network. The French Prick joined her almost immediately, and around hour three MM stood off to the side—away from Dick-hole—and watched with them. 

By hour four it was just Ben and Butcher. Destroying whatever was fucking left. Finding nothing. 

Butcher grabbed Ben’s shoulder, and Ben nearly fucking punched his face in on instinct. 

“Calm your bloody shit, Gov, I ain’t tryin to fight.”

“Then what the fuck-“ 

“Nobody’s cleared the office. It’s the last check on our list.” 

Butcher was right. Nobody had stepped foot in the maggoty, fly ridden and foul smelling office. They’d all shot it looks of repulsion, but nobody had actually set foot in the guts and innards. 

“I am not fucking going in there, Butcher.” MM called from the TV. 

“I ain’t askin you, but someone’s fuckin gonna have to-“ 

Ben didn’t wait to hear any more of their pointless arguing. He spun around and stomped into the room, ignoring how everything smelled so much goddamn worse when he had to be surrounded by it. He turned over severed legs, marred torsos, and one face still twisted in a scream, looking for fucking something. Anything. A single goddamn thing that could help them- 

There’s a desk, Benjamin. Maybe check the desk. 

Shut the fuck up. 

I mean, it’s pretty obviously right there- 

I said shut up. 

Cunt. 

Brat.

What would you do without me? 

Fucking die. Ben would fucking die without Her. He was fucking dying without Her. Nothing fucking mattered, nothing was beautiful anymore. He was losing his mind, but it didn’t matter because She wasn’t here to lose it with him. 

You’re just a voice in my head, Sunshine. I’m the one who saw the desk in real goddamn life. 

Maybe. He could fucking see Her shrug. But I’m the one who pointed it out. 

Ben rolled his eyes as he searched through the desk, and tried to ignore the wrath of the Thing inside him. How much he fucking missed Her. How he was dying without Her. How he was pretty fucking sure that’s why the Thing was growing so agonizing. He was simply just going to die without Her. 

There, Ben. Files. 

They’re covered in fucking blood. 

Literally everything’s covered in fucking blood. Get the files. 

It was a simple manila folder with CLASSIFIED written large black letters but no other apparent precautions to keep it classified. Ben thumbed through them, not really fucking sure what he was actually looking for. 

It’s like porn, Pretty Boy. You’ll know it when you see it. 

Half the files were redacted, the other half were full of a bunch of fucking science words Ben didn’t understand. But one, stained in rusting red and typed in faded, small letters, looked important. Ben squinted at the words, and he’d found it. He’d fucking found it. 

He stomped out of the room, shoving the papers into Butcher’s hands. 

“The bloody shit is this.” 

“Read it.” Ben snapped. “Use your fucking eyes and read it.” 

Butcher’s brow furrowed, scanning the page, and looked back up at Ben with a wide grin. “Well fuckin done, Gov.” 

“What is it?” MM called, pushing off the wall. “The hell did you find.” 

“Homelander’s fuckin recipe.” Butcher smirked back down at the paper, reading it aloud in a gleeful tone. “Due to the nature of the donor,” Butcher winked at Ben. “The boy will be immune and unaffected by the original formula of compound V. His DNA had been engineered to engage with specific elements of the drug (i.e. strength, durability, enhanced hearing and vision) and ignore others (i.e. immortality, complete healing factor) and as such additional shots will be null.” Butcher looked up at MM with a childlike grin. “Cunt ages no matter what. If we don’t get him, fuckin time will.” 

“Butcher, we can’t just wait fifty fucking years for time-“ 

“Don’t lose your pants, mate, there’s more,” Butcher’s attention returned to the paper. “Comparatively, the compound V used in other super-abled subjects will overload the boy’s body, sending him into a temporary vegetative state. Unlike the original formula, modern V shots act as only an enhancer on the subject, and his body is designed for an exact amount, blah, blah, lot more of the same shit.” Butcher looked around the room, and Ben had never seen him look this genuinely fucking happy. “We’ve fuckin got it. We’ve finally fuckin got it.” 

MM shook his head slowly. “You’re telling me, this whole goddamn time, all we’ve had to do was shoot the motherfucker up with V?” 

“Occam’s fuckin Razor,” Butcher shrugged. “We’ll need to get a real bloody sharp needle, and some V, but then we’re fucking golden. Sage won’t matter if we can turn the cunt into a coma patient.” 

“We could go to the Believe Expo,” the French Prick had turned away from the TV, but was still sat next to Kimiko and Dick-hole. “That is where they were previously transporting the V, it is a good start.” 

“Bloody good idea, Frenchie,” Butcher nodded, a maniacal grin still plastered across his face. “Let’s head out, we’ve got some fuckin work to do.” 

The French Prick started to rise, but Kimiko grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. 

“Mon Coeur-“ 

She grabbed his head, physically turning the French Prick’s eyes back to the screen. Ben’s followed, even as MM and Butcher moved to the elevator, and he froze in place. 

It was Her. In that same stupid fucking news room Homelander had been dragging Her to, wearing a fucking costume. An all red supe costume that she’d have made fun of. Called frivolous and gaudy and other pointlessly big words. It look ridiculous and out of goddamn place on Her body. On Her—too fucking perfect to be wearing so stupid—across from the Haircut, smiling. 

No Homelander. 

“Oi, Gov, let’s fuckin move-“ 

“Shut the fuck up.” Ben stomped to stand behind Kimiko and the French Prick, unable to rip his eyes from the screen as the interview began. 

The Haircut spoke first. “Anomaly, thank you for joining us today.” 

She smiled. No teeth, no light joy. Fucking empty. “Thank you for having me.” 

Her voice was too high, too sweet, with no edge or amusement. It made Ben’s skin fucking crawl. 

“Now, this is your first interview since you’ve returned from Soldier Boy’s captivity. How have you been recovering?” 

“As well as I can be,” She wasn’t even blinking. Like a damn robot. “Homelander has been incredibly supportive and understanding, but it’s been hard to keep it in.” 

The Haircut leaned forward. “Keep what in?” 

“The truth,” Her face was a portrait of sadness and confliction. Her pout too large, her eyes too doe-like, timidness slathered on every feature. “It’s been so hard to recover, fully recover and move on, when nobody even knows.” 

“What the fuckin hell is she doin?” Butcher and MM had walked up behind Ben, and Butcher’s grunt was low. Almost worried. 

On the TV The Haircut, still smiling at Her, was blinking in surprise, shooting looks off the camera. “Um, that sounds very difficult-“

“I mean,” She gave a pained sigh. “I just can’t believe they’ve tricked you.” 

Nobody in the lab was breathing. Ben wasn’t fucking breathing, trying to just focus on Her words over the rapid heartbeats around him. 

“I’m not sure I’m following-“ 

“Starlight!” Her voice had gotten desperate. Turned into packaged, too loud, exaggerated desperation. “She’s been lying to all of you, working with Soldier Boy since the start! The CIA, they woke,” she gave a choked sound. “Soldier Boy,  he never died, and they woke him up to use against Homelander. They’ve forgiven all his crimes against this great country and have been trying to use him to kill Homelander! And Starlight’s been helping him keep me away! They were going to use me as bait, because they knew he’d always save me, and then kill him!” 

She broke down in tears as the Haircut gaped at Her. Pretty tears, with no sobs or screams or gasps. Just pretty, pouting tears. 

“What the hell-“ 

MM’s words were cut off by the Haircut, giving Her a comforting, nervous part on the arm as he spoke. “That’s, wow. I mean, you heard it here first, folks. Soldier Boy isn’t in fact a terrorist, but a CIA plant, working with Starlight to kill our great heroes. I, uh,” the Haircut looked back to Her. “Is there anything you’d like to say? To Soldier Boy?” 

She fanned Her face, wiping away one stray tear. “If he's listening, I just want him to know I’m not broken.” The Haircut pointed down the camera, and She turned to stare into it. Through the screen, right at Ben. “You tried to burn me, but I’m not broken. And I’ll see you soon.” 

“For justice?” 

She smiled at the Haircut weakly. “Of course.” 

As the Haircut moved onto a commercial break, Ben stared at Her through the screen. In Her stupid fucking costume, giving the Haircut a fake fucking smile. And Ben’s blood felt hot. 

When the TV clicked off, Butcher spoke first. “What the bloody fuckin shit was that.” 

Ben turned to Butcher with a glare. They were not even going to entertain the idea that She’d flipped. Not when she was such a fucking genius. “She just fixed a lot of your fucking problems for you. Like she always fucking does.”

The French Prick frowned. “I do not see how this helps us-“ 

“The best lie is made of the truth,” MM watched Ben carefully, his brain clearly moving a lot goddamn faster than the rest of them. “And she just said all the right things, in the wrong way.” 

“In a way that saves your fucking asses,” Ben snapped, and Butcher scoffed. 

“If anything She just fuckin damned us-“ 

“Butcher,” MM shook his head. “He’s right. She just did us a huge favor. Nobody already aligned with Starlight will believe the whole kidnapped narrative. We can flip this easy to Soldier Boy aligned with Starlight and to protect the public, and she was just as dangerous as Homelander. We didn’t kidnap her, she was detained for crimes. Or we can let people start to look further into who she actually is. The footage of her and Soldier Boy fighting Homelander will resurface, same with Firecracker, and we’ll just tell the fucking truth. The ball is in our court now. The CIA can distance themselves, or not. That’s up to Grace. And he,” MM pointed to Ben. “Can go in public. He’s not a terrorist anymore.” 

Butcher nodded, and as he and MM continued to talk about responses and how to play this, Ben could only fucking see Her.

Still Her. Playing it like Her. Planning something, fighting in Her own insane, fucking sacrificial way. With carefully chosen words and broken metaphors She’d never normally use that told Ben it was Her. 

He couldn’t go get Her. He was certain now, because the crack in her voice had been real when she’d said he’d always save me. Ben would always fucking save Her, and she was telling him not to. 

She was telling him She wasn’t broken. That they’d still burn together. 

That She’d see him soon.

——————

It was going to take two months, three days, fourteen hours, eleven minutes, and forty-two seconds for—if everything worked—you to go home. Back to Ben. 

But everything had to work. 

The first week, they lock you up. You only see Homelander and Sage, asking you questions you couldn’t answer because they won’t take the gag off of your mouth. 

Then Sage sits down across from you, leaning forward and speaking like you were a child. 

“I am going to give you one opportunity for this, understood?” 

You glare at her, and she sighs. 

“I am going to proceed as if you confirmed. As you know, physical threats and acts of torture are not viable for long-term cooperation. So instead I’m offering an incentive. If you work with us, cooperate fully, then we refrain from actively targeting Butcher and his associates. We can kick the can down the road, make threats, but never actively pursue action.” 

You look up at Homelander behind her, eyes narrowing, and he waves you off. 

“Please, I can fucking control myself enough to not kill them, even if they deserve it for poisoning you against me.” Homelander steps forward until he’s leering over your body. “Until you say you’re ready, I won’t kill any of them. We’ll work on us. I’ll even, look I’ll pinky promise.” 

You give him a flat look. Your hands are still wrapped and cuffed and you can’t pinky promise, even if you trusted him. Which you didn’t. 

“We’re serious,” Sage says your name, and your attention returns to her. “Until you’ve come to terms with their treatment of you, we will ensure they remain physically unharmed.” 

Sage was lying. Not about the promise, about the come to terms with their treatment part. She knows what Homelander had done. She knows you had chosen to leave. She knows about you and Ben, and even if she doesn’t fully get that you loved him she knows you’d never turn on him. Ever be ready to kill him. 

She’s feeding Homelander’s delusions. She has a plan, one that even Homelander wasn’t privy to. But you need the gloves off. Your plan needed to be set in motion. 

So you nod. 

From there, time is long. You don’t wander through the tower, or see anyone Homelander doesn’t want you to see. They’d taken off the gag and handcuffs, but you’re still locked in Homelander’s room. You’d never actually been in Homeland’s room at Vought tower before this, because he’d kept you secret. In the white room, or the lad. You’d known he had one, just from knowing generally about the Seven from the news and media and billboards everywhere, but you’d never imagined it being real. As far as you’d been concerned, he didn’t sleep. He was mechanical, monstrous, and something as human as sleep wasn’t something he was capable of. 

But he did. Homelander always, for at least an hour a night, would sleep. In the bed you were forced to use as well. He hasn’t touched you. By some miracle, Homelander hasn’t touched you. He makes you sleep in his bed and smile at him and say all the right things, but he hasn't touched you. Not like that. 

Because he’s afraid. Of you. It’s the only thing that helps you hold down your vomit, allows your fire to stay under your skin. The knowledge that Homelander is afraid of you. It’s so easy to miss, how he won’t look away from you for more than two minutes at a time. How when you move he watches you far too closely. He won’t touch you with bare skin unless he has to for the camera, and even then it’s brief flashes of something like fear. The room is kept cold, and you know it’s meant to quell your fire. It doesn’t—and you still think Sage knows that—but Homelander seems to be unwilling to take you anywhere warm. TV sets are cold, ice is offered in large cups at outdoor events, and when you’re eventually allowed out of the room, the tower is almost numbingly air-conditioned. 

It took another two weeks for them to let you leave the room. Two weeks to prove that you would behave, to make Homelander think you were coming around. Time spent being choked by artificial coconut, receiving PR training, and making small, careful moves. Carefully calculated smiles at Homelander off of the camera, small, fake flinches into his hand when someone else would come near you. 

Play the part. Play the role you’d been given and fall apart alone. Let Homelander show you off wherever he could and ask all the right questions about his life and fame. 

“Are all these people here for you?” You ask him in a too soft voice. You know they were all here for him—they were literally holding Homelander is America’s True Hero signs—but the question makes him laugh like you were a silly, stupid child, and that’s what you’d been aiming for. 

“They’re here for us,” He says your name, grinning around at the crowd, and waving at the gathered people like he was the Queen of England. 

Fucking pussy might think he is the Queen of England. Fucking bitches and moans like it. 

That made it easier. Ben’s voice would mutter in your ears, and make this all easier. Easier to look around in awe, give Homelander one of your rare smiles, and get through this. 

Then—when Homelander locks you back in his room and leaves to do who knows what—you fall over the toilet and hurl your guts of disgustingly fancy food, sobbing until it was all out. Covering your mouth with a hand so you wouldn’t scream, swallowing and drowning in your own tears. A small period, every day, where you just broke. Where you let yourself mourn and hate this and miss Ben. Wish you were anywhere but here, wish you could just go home. You just want to go home. 

But you always pick yourself up, and amble through the apartment until Homelander returns. 

He has food delivered to you. It’s pretty much whatever he wants—you think he’s not actually sure what food you like and can’t really be fucked to find out—and he’ll make you eat it with him, making sure you eat it, before informing you he’s going to bed. 

Which means you’re going to bed. 

You don’t sleep. You can’t sleep. Not when Homelander is on the other side of the mattress and everything is so cold. He hasn’t touched you, and that gets you through the night, but you’re not stupid. You know better than to try and predict what Homelander will or won’t do. To trust him to follow a pattern. Which means you lie awake at night, eyes closed and breathing controlled so Homelander thinks you’re sleeping, and try to drag your fire further up into your body. 

The cold isn’t harming it. But it keeps going numb. All your fear and pain and hatred and anger keeps washing over you, feeling like it’s going to burst out of your body, and the fire grows dormant again. And when Homelander’s too close, when there are too many cameras, when you have to smile and laugh and pretend you’re not dying, the fire falls further away. 

Ben would say you have performance issues. You’d try to punch him, tell him if anyone has performance issues it’s going to be the hundred-year-old man, and he’d laugh and remind you that you know he doesn’t have performance issues, and you miss him. You miss him so much. Because if you looked at him and said I miss you, and I love you, and I’m so sorry I should’ve just come home because I miss you and love you and you were right we should’ve just left and I’m so, so sorry, he’d just hold you. He’d pull you into his big, warm, safe body and let you scream until your voice was hoarse. 

I was right. His voice still rumbled through you, even when he wasn’t there. Even when he was just a piece of you that was always dedicated to missing him. To loving him, all the time. I was absolutely fucking right, but if you keep trying to apologize, Sunshine, I’ll lose my damn mind. So shut up. 

And you miss him more, as you became more certain you can’t let him get hurt. That your two jobs right now are to do this right, and do this careful, and never let them hurt Ben. Play your role and never let them hurt Ben. 

When you were given a choice, a say in your outfit or hair or makeup, you always chose green. It made everything in your guts and lungs painful, because it always moved your brain from I have a plan to Ben. Ben, I love you, but you have to. You have to keep telling him you were fine, you have to tell him you hadn’t broken, without actually saying it. The only sign he’s seen you and understands was that he still hadn’t appeared in Vought’s lobby, demanding they return you to him with roars of your name and a lot of violence. 

But you worry. You worry Ben will notice the days when you were just exhausted, when the cracks are starting to show because everything in you hurts. When a strange sort of beast that has started to wake in your blood wants to make everything hurt the way you are. Every time that happens—every time Homelander drags you somewhere and you have to smile and swallow down strangled noises and a vile taste when Homelander’s hand finds your body—you worry that Ben will come. You want him to come, you want more than anything in the world for him to just grab you and take you far away, but he can’t. Because this doesn’t work like that. 

You resort to allowing him to follow you. For your love of him to walk a pace behind you, a phantom nobody can see but you. 

In the first three weeks, locked in Homelander’s room and in front of cameras, it’s just you and that phantom. Nothing in Homelander’s apartment is Ben, he’d call the whole thing fucking pathetic—over-expensive bullshit, and that coffee table is too fucking ugly to even do coke off of—but he’s still there. Everywhere around you, but still just a figment of your love. In the air and thumping with your heart, and you love him. 

But not real. 

They keep asking you questions about your relationship with Homelander—you’re still not allowed to actually speak and Sage doesn’t think that’s sustainable—so they sit you down and run over the backstory. 

“So, the story is you’re Homelander’s sweetheart,” a skinny man wearing plaid—you can’t remember his name, you’re pretty sure it starts with an S—is pitching you a life story, like you’re going to make it into an Oscar-bait coming-of-age story. “Childhood best friends to lovers, star-crossed, soulmates, made for each other.” 

“But fate has other plans. Thing’s weren’t going to be so easy.” The shorter, bald one jumps in over… Sam. Sean. Steve. 

It doesn’t fucking matter. Call that one Bald Pussy and that one Skinny McBrown-Nose. 

You’ve been introduced to about a hundred different Vought employees’ dedicated to selling Homelander and Sage’s lie over the span of today alone. Bald Pussy and Skinny McBrown-Nose it is. 

“You’re torn apart at every turn. He’s in the Seven, but you don’t want the fame.” 

Bald Pussy makes a sad face, picking up again from Skinny McBrown-Nose. “You just want him.” 

“You’re an independent woman, you want a career.” 

“But he wants a family.” 

“Fights, compromises, making up because whatever happens-“ 

“You’ll always find each other.” 

They’re still bouncing off of each other, and your blood is trying to burst out of your body. You feel like something is killing you, ripping apart your head and heart and tongue and you miss Ben- 

You think they fuck each other while they rehearse this bullshit? 

The phantom is behind you. Whispering in your ear with a low, gravely, voice that—just within itself—pulls you down and holds you together. 

I’d hope this doesn’t require rehearsing. They’re just saying words people vaguely associate with love. Soulmates and made for each other mean essentially the exact same thing. 

I can’t believe this is what Vought has fucking come to. Paying a bunch of pussies to talk. Goddamn anyone can just say words about love. 

Really. 

Are you doubting me? I can be fucking romantic. 

Uh huh. 

Remember when I made you hot chocolate with all those weird pink marshmallows? 

I had to walk you through that, and you got mad the marshmallows weren’t, and I quote, “proper fucking marshmallow color. They perfected marshmallows damn decades ago, fucking idiot pussies didn’t need to make them pink and add fucking candy canes.” 

Shut the fuck up, I still did it. I’m a goddamn gentleman. 

You are not a gentleman, Benjamin. 

I fucking am, and I’m romantic. I can say shit about romance like those pussies, fucking watch me. Love, chocolate, flowers, orgasms- 

You just said orgasms. That’s not romantic. 

I can make it fucking romantic. And you fucking love the orgasms I give you. You love me. 

I do. The pain is becoming softer, something that’s sitting where it shouldn’t be. A part of you that knows all of this is just plain fucking wrong, to be here—be anywhere—without Ben. I love you more than I’ll ever be able to say. 

You must really fucking love me. All you ever do is talk. 

Sage snaps your name. “You aren’t listening.” 

Show time. 

Knock them fucking dead, Sunshine. 

Shut up and let me focus. 

“Is it,” You give Homelander the most pathetic, nervous look you’re capable of. “Is it important for me to listen to them? I’m really tired, and I have a lot of downtime. You could give me a file, I promise I’d read it.” 

“It is important,” Sage watches you carefully. “You need to understand-“ 

“I understand,” you sigh, and let a little bit of your genuine exhaustion show. “I’ll say whatever I need to for this to work for you. I’m just tired, I want to go home-“ 

That does it. You called it home, and Homelander turns to glare at Skinny McBrown-Nose and Bald Pussy. “You two have written this down.” 

Skinny McBrown-Nose stutters out a response, “Uh, Seth, you said you were going to-“ 

“I told you I couldn’t, Evan, because I had that thing-“ 

“You mean your fucking dick replacement surgery?” Homelander sneers, and Seth—Bald Pussy had the S name, not Skinny McBrown-Nose—flushes and stares at the floor. “I do not care who writes it down, as long as you give it to her tomorrow.” Homelander’s sharp words make them both nod nervously, and he offers you a hand. 

You take it, slow, tentative, and deliberate, and trying not to jerk it back and scream when cold leather wraps around your hands. This is working. Everything is where it needs to be right now. Not where it wants to be, not where it should be, but where it needs to be. You can scream when it’s safe to do so, when you can muffle the sound into Ben’s skin. 

After that, Homelander tells Sage that you won’t be doing PR training anymore. You don’t hear the conversation—or, more likely, argument—but when Sage tells you she’s watching you through narrow eyes with a sour expression. She passes you a large stack of papers, tells you to memorize them fast. 

That afternoon is spent flipping through the pages, trying to focus on the words and not rip them to shreds. Most of it is information you already know, just from the PR campaign Vought’s been pushing since January. Homelander’s secret lover. Two supes from the same small town, one stronger than any before and one who's very pretty. He loves her, because she’s sweet. She loves him, because who wouldn’t? 

You have to take a five minute break after that. Five minutes of heavy breathing, thinking about happy things before you can keep reading. 

As a supe, you have fire, but it’s not well controlled, and this you can only heal herself. You’re no longer immortal. Your name, Anomaly—there’s a footnote that says you’re dropping the the part of the Anomaly, to match Homelander—is because you have absolutely no control of your powers when you use them, which is why you don’t. You finished high school and never went to college, but you got experience in marketing from following Homelander around. Your parents were married for almost 30 years before a truly tragic car accident killed them both. You had them cremated, no gravestones or other possible evidence, and decided you wanted to start a family with Homelander. Then Soldier Boy kidnapped you, and your plans were put on hold. 

Another five minutes. Happy things. 

You—this you that’s been manufactured and designed to wear your face and not be you—aren’t a real person, with interests or hobbies or anything important to say about you except you love Homelander. The personality section calls you sweet and gentle, nice and loving. You enjoy cooking, clothing, and books. That’s it. Cooking, clothing, and books. You’re an independent woman, but you love Homelander, and you gave up everything because you love Homelander and he asked you to, and you’re smart but not smarter than he is, and you’re also a girly girl but you’re still smart, but still not too smart, not enough to be alienating or off-putting or annoying, and you’re not that funny but you’re really pretty, and you love cooking and clothing and books and Homelander- 

Music. City Lights. Ben. 

Music. Ben. City Lights.

Ben. Music. City Lights. 

Ben. 

Sitting with him. Eating with him. Laughing with him. Talking with him. At him. To him. Real and safe. 

Music. City Lights. Pine trees and strawberries and malt vanilla. Movies and TV shows and music. The color green and city lights and Ben. 

The tears fall, slow and silent, and your hand is itching to your throat. You still can’t breathe. This is lonely and you’re tired and you miss Ben. You’re not breaking. You won’t break. But you’re cracking. You can’t think outside of the cold, outside of your blood trying to spill into everyone else. 

You're trapped. Homelander will come back and he might not touch you but you can’t be sure, you have to get on stage and pretend to be this half-person in the morning, and you don’t love Homelander, you love Ben. And he isn’t coming to save you, because you’ve been making sure he doesn’t, but you miss him. You want to go home. Not here, never here. This isn’t home, this is an execution room. Cold and dangerous and everything is wrong. Home is warm and safe and everything is yours. None of this is yours. None of this is you. You can’t break, you’re not allowed to break. You can’t go home if you break, but you can’t go home now, and all of this hurts. It just hurts, and you want to go home, and all of this hurt is trying to burst out of you and it’s so cold- 

Fucking breathe. The phantom hums your name around your head, into your body. Breathe. 

You can’t. You can’t breathe. You don’t know why, but this is it. This is the thing that’s going to make you collapse and not get back up. You’re going to fail because of something so pointless, that doesn’t even matter- 

It fucking matters, Sunshine. All of this shit isn’t you. You’re a fucking pain, but you’re you. Not this weak fucking hussy bitch. Breathe.

Breathe. You’re you. You’re cold and alone but you’re you. 

When you get home, because you will fucking get home. Don’t think for a goddamn second I’m going to leave you here, you will come the fuck home. And when you do, you can cry all you damn want. 

You’ll break when you're home. You’ll go home soon, and you’ll break when you’re home. Ben was going to be angry, so fucking angry you were doing this to yourself. But he’d stay. He’d always stay. 

You memorize the script, memorize the role, and play it well. Smiling. Don’t break. Say the lines they’ve given you and don’t break and spend a half hour of the Deep’s 90 minute movie throwing up in a bathroom stall. Alone. 

It takes another week for them to let you roam the floor. You’re not allowed off of 99, or into actual meetings, but they unlock the doors and you’re officially introduced to the Seven. Sage knows you, and won’t stop watching you with narrow eyes. The Deep nods at you, and tells Homelander you’re smoking hot. Noir II nods in agreement, and then starts to talk before the Deep whacks him upside the head. Ashley—who is apparently a part of this—pretends she doesn’t know you, but when your hands shake you can feel her anxiety. A-Train just gives you a nod and a nice to meet you. 

You have your first real conversation with him a day later, when he speeds into Homelander’s apartment in the middle of the day. 

“We need to fucking talk.” 

You yelp, jumping back slightly. “Please, I’m not-“ 

“Cut the bullshit. You’re not Homelander’s girlfriend, no matter what they’ve been telling us to say.” 

You watch him carefully, not fully dropping the mask. “It’s, I don’t know. I’m confused, I’m not sure-“ 

“I said cut the bullshit.” A-Train snaps. “They don’t put cameras in Homelander’s room, he’s not going to find out about this. You can drop the act.” 

You pause. He might be lying. He could be baiting you out, but he doesn’t seem like the type. If he didn’t trust you, he’d probably just keep yelling until you confirmed his suspicions. And, based on the way he keeps looking at the door, pacing back and forth, A-Train’s not supposed to be here. Talking to you. 

“Fine.” Your face falls from nervous anxiety in exhaustion. Every fiber of your features is barely held together over the exhaustion. “What.” 

“What are they planning. Your team.” 

You shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve been preoccupied. You’re the one who’s allowed to leave.” 

“They’ve locked us in since you and Soldier Boy’s little show outside. Sage is cracking down on our downtime, she’s still convinced there’s a leak.” 

“There is a leak.” You hold A-Train’s glare. “And Ben and I’s little show got Ryan Butcher out.” 

A-Train blinks at you. “Ben?” 

“Soldier Boy,” you mutter. “I call him Ben. He’s my…” You trail off. He’s not your boyfriend. Or, technically, lover. But you do love him. He’s everything, and you love him. “Friend.” 

“Friend?” He frowns at you. “Back at the diner-“ 

“It’s complicated.” 

A-Train halts in front of you. “Whatever. I don’t care about your complicated relationship with Soldier Boy. I need to know what Starlight and Hughie and MM and the rest of them are planning.”

“And I told you, I don’t know.” 

“Guess.”

“I can’t,” you hiss. “They might be planning to kill Homelander. They might be planning to kill Sage. Maybe just focus on Vought. I’m not exactly able to talk to them, so I don’t know.” 

“What about you?” A-Train glares at you, hands on his hips. “Are they not going to try and come get you?” 

“No. They’re not.” 

“I thought those assholes were all about teamwork and morality-“ 

“Morality,” your voice is softer than you want it to be. “Is relative. In this scenario, it would be immoral to focus on one person in exchange for an opportunity to kill Homelander.” 

A-Train gives you a look of disbelief. “You’re not being serious.” 

“I am not the priority.” Your nails are digging into your skin, and something in your throat has become like a stone, but you keep going. You have to keep going. “I am doing what I need to do. They are doing what they need to do. Right now, that’s what this is about.” 

“What, you think being some kind of self-sacrificing hero is going to help anyone.” A-Train scoffs. “Grow up. This is the real world, the big leagues. You’re not going to get a parade just because you did the stupid, selfless thing.” 

“I don’t want a parade.” I want to go home. “And I am well aware of the real world. The real world is expensive and tiring and lonely. I have nothing, I’m exhausted, and I’m completely fucking alone. This is hell.” The anger is trying to leave your body through your throat. “I’m not making the hard choice for glory. I’m making it for the real world.” 

A-Train glares at you for another long second, and then he’s gone in a whoosh. 

Three days pass. Three days of being alone and missing Ben and trying not to break. You’re in front of a camera almost all the time now. They won’t stop putting you in the ugliest dresses known to man, but you make sure they’re green. You make sure to look into the camera and give Ben signs. Something else that tells him you’re okay, that keeps him from trying to save you. That you miss him, but you’re fine. You’ll see him once this is over. Once all the pieces fall into place, once it’s safe and will be simple. 

You hope they’re trying to kill Homelander. Whenever you think about it you become a little lightheaded, because what if they're not. What if they’re trying to kill Sage, or the Deep, or Noir II. What if they just haven’t come for you because they’ve spent the past month planning to get you. A lot of this relies on them finding a plan to kill Homelander. Without you they’re not strong enough to keep him anywhere, and Ben can’t just ask him to stay still and take the shot. They’re going to need to keep him down, keep him still or trapped. They need to be looking for something, because all of this will be pointless if they aren’t. 

When A-Train finds you again—in another marble bathroom, and another awful gown, throwing up into the toilet—you swallow down what’s left and speak before he has the chance. 

“I still don’t know what they’re planning. But you need to find out.” 

You’re met with a blank stare for only a second as A-Train takes you in. Still knelt before the toilet bowl, tears falling, cracks appearing at the surface. “Holy shit, what are you-“ 

“I’m vomiting. You need to go to MM and tell me what they’re planning.” 

He shakes his head. “I told you, I can’t risk it. They’re watching our every fucking move, they even know I’m in this bathroom.” He freezes, staring at you. “Shit, they know you’re in this bathroom-“ 

“No, they don’t.” Your words are fast, sharp, said just before A-Train takes off. “They couldn’t put the tracker in my body. It kept burning and short-circuiting. They don’t know we’re talking.” 

A-Train nods curtly. “Fine. But I still can’t fucking risk taking a trip to talk to MM right now.” 

“You need to.” 

“I can’t, I have a family that they’ll hurt-“ 

“I’ve got a family that they’ll hurt,” you snap, standing on shaking legs. “We’ve all got families that they’ll hurt. People we care about that we have to keep safe. I’m not asking you to kill Homelander yourself, I’m asking you to find out what my team is planning.” 

“Why the hell do you need to know?” A-Train rolls his eyes. “You can’t help them, and you’re obviously having some sort of mental break that’s stopping your powers-“ 

“I am not having a mental break,” you take a rough step forward. “I’ve just been fucking kidnapped, again, so I’m crying. And I need to know so I can adjust.” 

“Adjust?” 

You laugh. It’s not a real laugh, it’s cold and tired and angry, but it feels good. You’re angry, and it’s not trying to explode from you because you can show it. “I’m working on something. I need to know what they’re planning so I can change my plans to match.” 

A-Train frowns at you. “Your plans… You mean you’re-“ 

“Not just sitting on my ass? Actually trying to help? Yeah, I am. I may not be a hero,” You jab a finger into his chest, and he flinches. “But at least I’m not a fucking pussy.” 

He’s gone again. It’s getting really annoying. But you don’t let yourself dwell on whether A-Train will help you or not. Because Homelander finds you the next day, and your timeline has to move up. 

“You’re going on TV again. Tomorrow.” 

“Okay,” your voice is soft, and something foul and molding is rooting in your gut. “Where are we going-“ 

“It’s just you.” 

You blink at him with a parted mouth, and most of the fear in your voice is real. “Just, just me?” 

“Well, obviously I’ll be going with you.” He waves you off with a hand, rubbing his forehead. “But just you on the TV. Sage wrote you a script, you’ll read it during the meeting.”

“Meeting?” 

“We’re making you a supe outfit. You fucking need it. You’re a hero, you’re my partner, putting you normal fucking human clothes give the public the wrong idea.” 

You wait for him to continue. You know better than to try and interrupt, or ask questions. 

“You’re not human. They can’t think just anyone can have what we have. If people keep seeing you dresses like a fucking actress they’ll think you’re just like them. That we’re just like them.” 

The silence is long enough for you to nod. “Okay.” 

Homelander’s look of surprise at your compliance lasts only a second before turning into satisfaction. “Good.” 

You’re going on TV, alone. You have a chance to knock the first domino down. You sit through the meeting and all the pitches and don’t speak or scream or vomit. Your costume is red, because Vought employs geniuses who understand that red and fire are often associated with each other. It’s revealing, there’s a corset and lace and high leather boots that hurt your feet. The script is bland, blatant propaganda, but it doesn’t matter. You won’t really need to memorize it anyway. 

Homelander’s gone again that night, and you’re not sure this will work, but you give it a shot. 

“A-Train?” 

Silence. He’s not an on-call angel, you’re not sure why you thought he’d respond- 

“What.” 

You turn to find him glaring at you. “I need your help.” 

“Why.”

“I can’t tell you.” 

A-Train shrugs. “Then I’m not helping you. Nice talk.” 

“Wait!” He’s not gone, just glowering at you, so you sigh and push the words out of your mouth.

“I’m going on TV tomorrow. Alone.” 

“Good for you.” 

“A-Train, I’m going on TV. Without Homelander. To give an interview.” 

“I don’t give a shit-“ 

“I’m going to do something.” You snap. “I need you to pull Homelander away, so I can do something.” 

He narrows his eyes at you. “Do what.” 

“I can’t tell you. But it’s important.” 

“Is it,” he pauses, looking around the empty apartment like Homelander might jump out and laser him. You understand the instinct. “Part of your plan? For them?” 

“Yes.” 

“To help them.” 

“Hopefully.” 

“Huh.” A-Train crosses his arms. “Why should I help you.” 

You scoff. You don’t have time for this. “Because if you don’t, then we’re all fucked.” 

“I’m already fucked. I put my skin on the line for your team, and got put in lockdown. And they still haven’t done shit-“ 

“They’re working on it.” They have to be. “I’d know more if you would just do what I asked.”

“I told you I can’t-”

“And I told you need to, if you want to actually do something. But I’m not asking for that right now.”  

He frowns at you. “What are you asking, exactly?”

“To pull Homelander away.” You repeat, sighing. “Just distract him from the studio.”

“Why.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m still not going to tell you. All I can say is it will help them if I do it. But I have to do it.”

A-Train is silent. Examining you before speaking slowly. “You think they’re going to win.” 

You don’t hesitate. “Yes.” 

“Why.” 

“Because, there’s not another option.” You swallow. “Please. All you have to do is make sure that Homelander leaves the studio. That he’s gone and busy.” 

“And this,” he finally takes off that stupid visor, meeting your eyes. “This will help those idiots? Really help them?” 

“It will.” You make your voice firm. It will help. It has to. “But I can’t do it with Homelander there.” 

“You’re really not going to tell me what exactly you’re going to do?” 

“Nope. It gives you plausible deniability.” 

“Not if I’m the one who calls Homelander away, Sage already doesn’t trust me-“ 

“So make the Deep do it. Or Noir, or literally anyone else that deserves it.” You frown into the air. “I’d go with The Deep, though. He’s too fucking stupid for them to think he planned anything.” 

A-Train takes a long breath, still glaring at you. “Fine. But if this doesn’t work-“ 

“It will.” 

“For both our fucking sakes,” he puts the visors back on, shaking his head. “It better.” 

It does. By some miracle, you get every single one of the words you’d been rehearsing for weeks out on live TV, and Homelander—pulled away for a PR crisis in which the Deep publicly admitted to fucking another octopus—doesn’t stop you. The cameras go off, the show goes to commercial, and you blink into the darkness of the studio. You have to trust they’ll understand what you said. Why you said it. That Ben or Butcher or Annie or someone will know what to do with it. That they’ll take your opening and use it, that Ben will be able to help them. 

One step down. One step closer to going home. 

You’d expected Homelander and Sage to be mad. You hadn’t slept last night, knowing that whether or not this worked you were going to have to think fast, act quick, and hope you’d done enough to make Homelander think you were just confused. Just a nervous, confused girl coming around to understand what he’d done for her, what his enemies had done to her. All you had to do was have convinced Homelander. When it came down to it, Sage’s opinion of you wouldn’t matter, not if you’d really, truly convinced Homelander. 

At first, you thought you had. He drops into the silent studio, everyone’s hushed and nervous whispers falling dead as Homelander marches up to you and yanks you up. Your mask is still on, and some of the tears are real. A small allowance of grief, for yourself. For saying everything that was true, for having to say he would always save you and know who you were speaking about. But not be able to scream Ben. Ben, I love you, into the camera and just go home. You know Ben will understand what you were telling him. He’ll have heard your words, the one explicitly for him, and understand. 

You weren’t broken. You were breaking but not broken. He hadn’t been able to burn with you, but he hadn’t failed you. Ben could never fail you. You’d see him soon. The words you've been staring into cameras since you’d been able to. You love him, and you’ll see him soon. 

He won’t understand that you love him, because you’ve only ever thought that part. You’ve stared into countless lenses and thought Ben, I love you and I’ll see you soon while only letting your face say I’ll see you soon. 

When Homelander drops you back into his apartment, that’s what will get you through whatever comes. One step closer. You’ll go home soon. 

You put on your most meek face and soft voice, and start apologizing before Homelander can even say your name. 

“I’m, I’m so sorry, I was just thinking about what they did and I couldn’t stop,” you shake your head and fall backwards onto the couch. “I didn’t mean to, please don’t hate me, I’m so sorry, please-“ 

It’s not Homelander that cuts you off—he looks annoyed but not angry—but Sage, stomping into the apartment.

“What did you just try to fucking pull?” She sneers, stopping above where you’ve curled into yourself. “You think you’re smart? That was insurmountably idiotic, I thought you’d know better than to try and go off script so blatantly.” 

“I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry,” you double down. You make yourself look pathetic and scared, try to push yourself into the cushions. “I swear, I just couldn’t stop, I keep thinking about what they did-“ 

Homelander grins, clapping his hands together. “Finally, some fucking progress.” 

“This isn’t progress, you idiot,” Sage snaps. “She’s tricking you.” 

“Look at her, she’s sobbing,” Homelander gestures to you, and it takes all your effort not to flinch. “So she messed up, this is still good. She’s coming around, and now people will know about what a bitch Starlight-“ 

“This is not good. Soldier Boy is a threat now. A real threat to your image, a threat to her,” Sage points at you, and something twists in your upper gut. “Staying where we want her. We both know that not a word of what she said was true-“ 

“I’m sorry-“ 

Homelander silences you with a raised hand. “Don’t apologize to her, she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. We can deal with Soldier Boy, and he’s got nothing to do with her.” 

“Really,” Sage’s voice is dry and bored. “You’re sure about that.” 

“Of course I am, he’s Butcher’s fucking lapdog right now. They haven’t come to get her back, he’s not going to do it. They don’t care about her, and she’s finally getting that-“ 

Sage says your name, and your blood runs cold. “Would you like to tell him, or should I?” 

It’s all you can do to stutter and shake your head. “I, I don’t know what you’re-“ 

She gives you an annoyed look. “Fine. But I expected better from you.” She turns back to Homelander, and all your fire is gone. Replaced by something feral, that’s trying to make everything else just as afraid and dreadful as it feels. “She and Soldier Boy are fucking.” 

Homelander scoffs. “Please, don’t be fucking insane-“ 

“They are,” Sage’s gaze snaps to you. Looking you up and down. “Or at least she wants to fuck him. But he’s the only real threat to you right now, because he’s probably going to try and get her back.” 

“I, I’m not, I don’t understand-“ 

“Yes, you do. You can’t be trusted right now, not while you’re still Soldier Boy’s pet.” Sage shrugs. “I personally don’t think you’ll be able to pull off that leash, but we’ll see. Now,” she looks back at Homelander, whose face is blank, jaw ticking. “I have to go deal with one of your other mistakes. Find me when you decide what to do with her.” 

Sage leaves, something smug flashing in her eyes. She’d been waiting. This is what she’d been waiting for. Your move, so she could retaliate. 

And now Homelander is speaking your name, slow and cold. “Did you fuck Soldier Boy.” You open your mouth, and he raises a finger, grabbing your jaw and forcing your eyes onto his. “And don’t you dare fucking lie to me again.” 

You didn’t. You never actually fucked Ben. But you don’t think Homelander is going to care about specifics. “Yes.” 

“On purpose.” 

“Yes.” You can’t breathe. All your words are forced out of your body, and the feral thing inside of you is everywhere in your body. Trying to get out. 

“Do you still believe that I hurt you.” 

You’re going to scream, but his grip becomes tighter. “Yes.” 

His eyes flash red. “After all I’ve fucking done for you? You’d turn around and fuck my father?” 

“I didn’t-“ 

“No more fucking lies!” Your jaw might break. “I turn you into a supe, a god, and this is how you repay me?”

“Please-“ 

“I love you,” he pulls you up off the couch, and your hands fly instinctively to grab at his arm. “I fucking love you. I made you. Do you think anyone would want you like this? Weak? A fucking weak, ungrateful, lying bitch?” 

“No-“ 

“Exactly,” Homelander hisses, pulling your face closer. “Nobody else. You’re strong, I made you strong, but don’t forget your place. Mine. You belong to me, just like everything else. You don’t love Soldier Boy, you love me.” 

“I don’t-“ 

“I chose you because you’re nice.” Homelander sneers. “I chose you because you’re sweet. You were so pretty and nice, singing on that sage, and I fell in love with you right there. You’re just pretty, nice, and sweet. I made you a supe because I was tired of women who thought that their words made them worthy of me. Don’t think your fire, that you can’t even control, makes you my equal. You’re more powerful than Soldier Boy, but you’re not more powerful than me. Don’t get caught in the taste of someone weaker, and think that’s what you need.” 

You speak on instinct, the words falling from you before you can stop them. “Ben’s not weak.” 

“Ben?” Homelander face twists in hatred, and you think he’s going to kill you. Or try to, or just lock you up forever again. “Did you just call Soldier Boy Ben?” 

“I, I’m-“ 

“I thought you were getting better.” Homelander drops you back into the couch. “But you’re still too human. Too weak. Too easy for them to manipulate, make you think what those roaches want you to.” His eyes narrow. “We’re going to have to fix that.” 

You don’t hear the call he makes. You can’t hear anything over the blood, pounding in your ears. You want to go home. You should’ve just ran when you could, not taken a brief moment of Homelander’s fear and taken it as a reason to stay. You should’ve just run and gone home and now you can’t. Now you’re never going to go home. You’ll never see Ben again. Never be safe again. 

“Sir, you wanted to see me?” 

You don’t recognize that voice. You can barely focus on it, because the fear in your body hurts. It’s stabbing and snapping everything inside you, and you’re going to shatter into a million pieces. 

Homelander’s guiding someone in front of you. Noir II, the one that talks. The one Homelander didn’t kill.

“Stand right there. Don’t move or I’ll fucking laser your brains out.” He turns back to you. “Kill him.” 

You make a sound from your throat, and Noir II becomes rigid. 

“Uh, sir-“ 

“I said don’t move,” Homelander snaps, still looking at you. “You know who he is?” 

“Yes,” you breathe out. “He’s Black Noir.” 

“You know that he and Ben worked together? He was in on the Russia deal?” 

“I, uh, I’m just playing a role,” Noir II stutters. “I don’t know who Ben is-“ 

Homelander whips around, eyes glowing. “Don’t move.” 

You can hear Noir II’s swallow. “Yes, sir.” 

Homelander says your name. “He wanted to kill Noir for that. Like he’s going to kill you, for betraying him. For staying with me.” 

You can’t breathe again. Ben knows you didn’t betray him, you’d never betray him. He’d never hurt you, you trust him with your whole life to understand that you weren’t still here because you wanted to be. You’d always chose Ben, you love him. 

“So you’re going to kill Noir here,” Homelander steps aside. “And stop these pathetic delusions that Soldier Boy gives a fucking shit about you.” 

“I can’t,” you whisper. “Please, Homelander-“ 

“Yes, you can. Use your fucking fire or something. Kill him now.” 

You shake your head. “I can’t-“ 

“Christ, stop whining and just do it.” Homelander pulls you up again, dragging you across the room. Right in front of Noir. “The sooner you do, the sooner we can all move on.” 

“Please-“ 

“Now.” 

You can’t move. Every single muscle and tendon and blood vessel wants to leave your body. Everything is freezing, trying to spread like mold around you and you can’t breathe. 

“If you don’t do it.” Homelander’s body is pressed against yours, shoving you forwards. “I will. But no matter what, you’re going to stop lying to me, stop trying to trick me, and understand what your role in this is. You’re not Maeve, or Stormfront, or Starlight. You’re not a hero or bitch who’s going to try and control me. I made you for me. Now kill him.” 

You just choke on the air, and Homelander grabs your jaw again. “You can even do that fucking singing. Just kill him.” 

He rips off Noir II’s mask, revealing a young man. He grabs your hand, pushes it onto Noir II’s face, and he’s afraid. You didn’t have to be touching Noir II to know he’s afraid. You can hear his heavy breaths, you can see the way he’s frozen, and you can’t. You can’t kill him, you won’t.

Noir II makes a sound that might be a plea, and your heart falls into your gut. 

“I-“ 

Red flashed through the room, and Noir drops to the ground. Body sliced in two. 

“You were taking too long,” Homelander moves in front of you, pulling off a glove that’s been splattered in blood. “I’ve got things to do. You’re still going to the Believe Expo next week, but you’re going to stop being a little girl and start telling the truth. Understand?” 

You nod, still staring at Noir’s body. 

Homelander sighs. “Don’t think I like being mad at you. But you need to stop trying to be something you’re not. You’re the first woman that hasn’t tried to fucking control me, and that’s one the reasons why I love you.” He turns your head to look at him. “I forgive you for Soldier Boy. You weren’t yourself. But never,” his hand moves lower, sitting against your throat. “Forget your place again.” 

You hate him. You hate him so fucking much, but every part of your body feels far away. The whole world is just pure hatred and fear and it’s everywhere.

Homelander’s face twitches, hand tightening on your neck—your fear feels bigger, it almost makes you collapse—and he pulls his hand back as if you’d burned him. You couldn’t have, because everything is just fear and hatred and making the fire numb, but Homelander is staring at you like he’s seen a demon or a ghost. Then he’s gone. Leaving you alone again, with only a dead body for company. 

You don’t have anywhere to go. You haven’t felt small like this in a while, this useless and pathetic. But you don’t have anywhere to hide, anywhere safe to just fall apart. So you sink to the floor, gripping your arms with nails and cold hands, and scream. For the first time in over a month, you just scream. 

You want to go home. You can’t do this anymore, you just want to go home. You’re crawling up the stairs, away from the body to the bathroom where you can lock the door and break. Alone. Homelander wasn’t afraid of you anymore, he knew you were weak, and this might be your last time alone. 

I’ll come get you. Ben’s voice is everywhere, but still not real. You just want it to be real. 

“You can’t,” you whisper into the air, because it just doesn’t matter anymore. You’d lost everything already, the world is a blur, and there’s no point in trying to keep your sanity. “They’re ready for you. They’ll put you back to sleep.” 

I don’t fucking care. 

“But I do.” 

Sunshine, I will come get you. Say the word and I’ll get you right fucking now. I’ll fucking destroy the tower and you’ll come home. Back to me. 

“You don’t love me, Ben.” It hurts to say, but it’s the truth. Ben cares about you, but he doesn’t love you. Not like you love him.  

Shut the fuck up. Don’t doubt for a fucking second that you’re everything to me. Homelander’s a fucking pussy, he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

“But you don’t love me.” Everything is cold. Everything hurts and Ben doesn’t love you and you’re never going to see him again. Never going to tell him that you love him. You’re shattering, breaking, falling into something monstrous that can’t be put back together. Nothing is good, you’re not safe, and you’re weak. You’re exactly what Homelander says you are, weak. You’re not smarter, or stronger, and you’re never going to feel anything but cold again. 

When Ben’s voice sounds through the air again, it’s louder. Almost like he’s right in your ear. You can almost feel him. You’d recognize him anywhere, in any form, and this feels like him. 

He says your name, there’s something warm and powerful in your chest. I’m waiting, because you told me to and I trust you. But it’s fucking killing me. Whatever you’re fucking doing, it better bring you back. I don’t give a shit about Butcher or Homelander or any of this but you. I’m playing nice because you’ll be home soon. But you better fucking come home. 

I will. You don’t say it aloud, because all of the world suddenly feels far away. The only thing that feels real is Ben’s voice. Deep and warm. 

Fucking swear it. 

Promise. 

Good. The voice is silent for a second. That’s never happened before. I miss you. 

I miss you too.

Something around you sparks and flashes. It reminds you of Ben’s amusement in your body, rough and bright.

Don’t try and correct me, Benjamin.

I wasn’t going to say shit.

Yes, you were. I meant to say ‘too’. Statements that begin with an I are better suited to end with too. 

Smartass. 

I hate you. 

No, you don’t. 

The voice doesn’t remind you that you love him. It always reminds you that you love him. Instead it just keeps going.

If you hated me, you wouldn’t be wearing green all the time.

It’s a signal, Pretty Boy. I wear green so you pay attention. 

I’m not a damn toddler, I don’t need you to flash a color in front of my eyes to pay attention. 

Sure.

Shut the fuck up.

I agreed with you. 

We both know you fucking didn’t.

Sure.

Brat.

Cunt.

Silence again. Then-

For the record, I’m always paying attention to you. You’re fucking impossible to ignore, even when you’re gone. It’s damn inconvenient, I’m starting to look like a goddamn mental patient. And I fucking miss you, more than I’ll ever be able to tell you. 

Something rages inside your chest, something that feels bigger than the whole world and more valuable than oxygen, and then the warmth is gone. But you’re not screaming anymore, and all that’s cold is the floor of the bathroom and the air around you. Your vision clears with your head, you can feel the fire. It’s weak, not nearly enough to tear through Vought and escape, but awake.

You’ll survive this. You’d get through this. You’ll adjust, adapt, and keep moving. You will not break. You trust Ben, and you’ll feed the fire until you can make Homelander afraid again. He needs to be afraid again, to understand that he won’t fix you to what he wants, make you into anything. And when your plan works—in two weeks, two days, twenty-two hours, fifty-six minutes, and seven seconds—you’ll go home, and Ben will hold you. And you’d be safe. Soon, you’d be safe.

End Note:  Big thanks to everyone who’s sticking through the rough so we can get to the happy. You’re all amazing <3

Thank you all for reading, and please leave if a comment if you are so inclined! Every single one is the highlight of my day, from your jokes to your thoughts and feedback!

If you like this story, reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

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[writerslittlelibrary]

So, I'm not a prisoner?

masterlist part 1 part 2 part 3 extra

summary: you did not expect that your mission to take down the traitor, could end in such a difficult situation for you…

pairing: Natasha x Red Room teen reader

warnings: fighting, weapons, stabbing, blood, implied sexual abuse

genre: fluff, angst

words: 3073

a/n: I wanted to do a fic like this for so long!!!! anyway, I just kept scouting tumblr trying to find fics like this, so I figured I’d finally write one myself :)

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work

 |——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

A quick in and out. That was your mission. How on earth did you manage to screw it up so bad. In and out. Assassinate the traitor and come right back. 

Dreykov would’ve been so proud. 

But that didn’t happen. No. Every single aspect about that night failed to go according to plan. You snuck into the event Stark had hosted, was able to blend in with the other party goers, and you were able to hide when most of the people started to leave. 

Once it was just the Avengers left, you stayed in your hiding spot, observing them. You were here to kill Natasha Romanoff, and Natasha Romanoff only. 

You could not afford any casualties, so you had it all planned out. 

You’d wait until the Avengers would leave, and you’d take Natasha out before she could make it to her living quarters. You knew that once she made it to the living space of the Avengers tower, getting to her would be a lot harder. 

However, against all odds, Natasha excused herself from the group quite early, saying she wanted to get a good nights sleep. 

You internally cursed yourself, hating that this wasn’t something that you had planned for. 

Around the couches were still some Avengers sat. You recognised all of them. Clint Barton shouldn’t be too much trouble. He was only a guy who’s good with a bow. For Maria Hill could be said the same thing, except she’s very skilled with a gun.

No, you were worried about the other Avengers still seated. Tony Stark could call upon his armour in mere seconds. Thor had the power of thunder for god’s sake. Wanda Maximoff has exceptional powers, and therefor, if you were to attack with her still in the room, you’d be immobilised in an instant. 

You were fairly certain you didn’t need to worry much about Bruce Banner. Sure, he could turn into the Hulk, but he didn’t turn often, and lately, the Hulk hasn’t been spotted in the battlefield, meaning he probably had many trouble turning into him. 

Pietro Maximoff shouldn’t bring you a lot of trouble either. 

Your main concern were Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. One Super Soldier you could handle, but two? While fighting the rest of the Avengers? That wasn’t going to work. 

Lucky for you, Wanda Maximoff had excused herself from the gathering a while ago. If you didn’t make to much noise, she wouldn’t be much of a problem. You could be outside before she’d even make it to the party deck. 

Your original plan was to just wait. Natasha Romanoff would have usually sat through a party until far into the evening. You’d know, you’ve been watching her for weeks. 

However, now that Romanoff has announced she was returning to her bedroom, a slight panic ran through your body. 

Dreykov gave your 5 weeks to finish this assignment. That’s longer than any assignment you’d ever been on. You could not disappoint him with this. You had to kill the traitor. 

You figured now was your only chance, and so, as Natasha Romanoff made her way towards the elevator, you followed her. 

However, not even to your surprise, she stopped in the middle of the hallway. 

“You know I’m an assassin, too? You’re good, but you’re not un noticeable,” she states, calmly turning around, being met with a gun to your face. The moment she stopped, you were wise enough to draw your gun, holding her at gunpoint for any sudden movements. 

You could see a slight surprise appear on her face, before her face returned to her poker face once again. 

“You’re just a child…” Natasha spoke slowly, seeming almost disappointed. 

“You’re a traitor,” you spoke, loading the gun, taking a step closer. Natasha simply shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she spoke, before leaping towards you. You shot your gun, but Natasha was too fast, avoiding your gunfire as she ran past you, back to the other Avengers. 

How on earth could you have missed that shot? She was right there.

Pathetic. 

You don’t hesitate to run after her, determined to finish this tonight. 

Very much not to your surprise, the moment you run back into the party hall, the Avengers are already standing up and ready. Ready to fight you.

You don’t hesitate to move forwards, and after fighting Clint Barton for mere seconds, you quickly realise they have no intention of hurting you. You could use that to your advantage, and you do.

You kick Barton hard, leaving him on the floor, heaving for air as you move forward, taking on Maria. 

However, the moment you get close to Maria, two strong arms wrap around your body, pulling you back. They’re holding you tightly, and it doesn’t feel like they’re planning to let go. 

You struggle in the hold, fighting against who ever is holding you as you try to break free. A small panic runs through your body. The fear of being captured by the Avengers taking place in your mind. You do not fear the Avengers, but the thought of being seen as a traitor by Dreykov hurts your heart more than words could describe. 

“Stop struggling. We can help you,” you hear a voice behind you speak, and you soon come to realise the person you’re fighting is Captain America himself. 

No wonder you couldn’t get loose. 

Knowing it’s a Super Soldier, you’re quick to outsmart him, making him think you’re getting tired, relaxing your body is his hold. Because of this, the Captain lightens his grip a bit, giving you enough room to wiggle your arm free, moving it backwards to hit him in the face with your elbow. 

Because of the surprise, he lets you go, allowing you to stand again. 

The moment your feet hit the ground, you dash forward, holding up your knife as you use everyone’s shock to your advantage. 

Everyone is surprised by your capability of escaping Steve’s grasp, not realising your already moving towards Natasha again. You reach her quickly, stabbing your knife into her stomach as far as it can go. 

Natasha gasps, and you pull the knife out, watching as all the blood starts to seep from her stomach. 

Slowly, Natasha sinks to the ground, Maria catching her, helping her down. 

You move towards Natasha again, determined to get the job finished, but are quickly stopped by another pair of arms wrapping around your waist. You immediately recognise the metal arm, knowing that the Winter Soldier holds you in his grasp. You can’t escape him. You never have. 

He pulls you backwards, pushing you to the ground as he tries to punch you. However, you regain yourself quickly, rolling away from under him and kicking him in the face. 

Suddenly, you’re moved across the room. You forgot the damn speedster…

You raise your knife quickly, stabbing him before he has a chance to make another move. 

“PIETRO!” you hear a voice yell, and you turn your head to the right. Shit. Wanda Maximoff must have heard the commotion and went down to take a look. You have to get out of there. You will never win a fight with her.

You move quickly, running towards the stairs. However, before you could reach them, you felt a stabbing pain in your left shoulder, the sound of a gun shot following soon after. You had been shot. Bucky Barnes had shot you in an attempt to slow you down. 

But you didn’t let it. 

Instead, you went towards the stairs a little quicker, dashing down the hundreds of flights of stairs to get to the main floor. 

Of course, all SHIELD agents on the main floor were already expecting you, and you were followed by Steve Rogers, but you were quicker than him. You knew that. 

You dashed past all the SHIELD agents, avoiding their gun fire as you made it towards an emergency exit. 

The moment you stepped outside, you started your escape route. You already planned it, knowing exactly which way to go, no matter which way you would exit. 

Steve followed you outside, but the moment he set foot outside the door, you were gone. You had disappeared into the night, leaving no trace. 

------------------------------------------------------------- 

Back in the Avengers tower, the team was recovering from your attack. Natasha was in bad shape. Your strike had been an attempt to murder her, and you didn’t miss any organs as you pierced your blade through her abdomen. 

Pietro was much better. He was back on his feet quickly, seeing as though you stabbing him hadn’t been a murder attempt. You merely wanted to distract him. 

It didn’t take long for Natasha to get back on her feet either, even though she was advised to stay on bed rest after the surgery. 

Natasha was determined to find you, and she quickly got to work. 

Even though you had made it out of the Avengers tower quickly, you were still hurt, and some of you blood had fallen on the floor as you made your escape towards the stairs. Clint and Maria had collected that blood, running multiple tests, only to find out you were not registered anywhere. 

There was no record of your existence. Were you just another ghost story?

What they did find were traces of the Super Soldier serum. However, they were modified, almost as if they were genetically a part of your system. 

Did that mean you were just another Hydra experiment? Natasha did hear you calling her a traitor. That had to mean you knew Dreykov, right? Who else viewed her as a traitor. I would make sense. Sending a modified teenage assassin after her, knowing Natasha was above killing children. 

Even in the Red Room, she always hesitated when sparring against the younger students. 

Dreykov must have had a lot of faith in you to send you after her. Natasha can only hope you’re not a graduate yet…

-------------------------------------------------------------

After the incident in the Avengers tower, you had fled to Germany. You figured it was best to leave the United States completely. And why would they ever search for you in Germany? 

You had rented an apartment, loving the small town you had chosen. Dreykov had given you 5 weeks to finish the assignment, and now, you had only 1 week left. There is now way that you’re going to succeed in killing Natasha within the week. 

They know you are after her now, and they will be prepared for you to make a return. You screwed it up.

Sloppy. 

Right now, you were just heading back to your apartment. You had taken a walk, deciding to make the most out of the freedom you had in the moment. The week would be over soon, and the moment Dreykov would send for your return you are certain you will not be seeing daylight any time soon. 

After you arrived in the apartment building, you instantly felt watched. 

Had the Avengers found you?

You made your way up to your apartment, pushing the key into the lock and walking through the small hallway. Someone was in here, you could feel it. 

You walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water, keeping your back towards the living room. 

“There are not a lot of places to hide in this apartment,” you spoke aloud into the emptiness of the apartment. Soon you heard a set of footsteps, and you felt another presence enter the room. 

“You’re very skilled for your age,” you heard a voice behind you say, and you immediately recognised it as Natasha’s. 

“And you are stronger than you look. I mean, even for you, I didn’t expect you to be on your feet so quickly,” you stated, turning around slowly. Natasha wasn’t holding a weapon in your face, something you were definitely expecting. 

You scanned her quickly, seeing the weapons she held on her belt. 

She didn’t come unarmed. Good. She’d be stupid to. 

“I don’t mean you any harm,” Natasha said, taking a small step forward as she held her hands in the air, showing you her every movement. 

You didn’t look impressed, instead just staring at her as she moved. 

“Then you are a fool,” you told her, and you spotted a small smirk flashing over Natasha’s face. “And you are very full of yourself,” she said, moving towards the kitchen island, leaning on it. 

“I can’t say I blame you. You took on a lot of the Avengers on your own. Even two Super Soldiers. That’s impressive,” she stated, giving you a small smile. You didn’t return it. 

“What? Jealous someone better took your place when you betrayed us,” you asked Natasha, determined to get on her nerves.

Natasha’s smile dropped quickly. 

“Quite the opposite, actually. I hoped no one would ever have to go through it again,” she told you, a hint of regret almost identifiable in her expression. Now it was your time to give her a small smile. 

“You think you’re so important that everything should’ve ended with you?” you asked her, moving towards the kitchen island as well, setting your glass down, still holding onto it. 

Natasha shook her head.

“What I am curious about, however, is the genetic Super Soldier serum that runs through your DNA,” Natasha paused, adjusting her stance before speaking again. “Tell me, was your dad a Super Soldier?” 

You let out a huff of amusement, surprising Natasha. 

“You think I believe you’re just here for a conversation? There are SHIELD agents placed on every corner of every street. Don’t think I didn’t notice it. The lovely young couple, drinking coffee at the restaurant downstairs? Amazing disguise, if you were trying to trick nine year olds,” you stated, finishing your glass of water. 

Natasha smiles, clearly impressed with your observations. 

“You’re right. I’m not here for just a conversation, although I do hope we can prevent violence,” Natasha started, but before she could continue you interrupted her. 

“You’re here to bring me in.” 

Natasha nodded, and the look on her face was almost apologetic. 

“No one needs to get hurt. If you just come with me, there’s a big chance you could avoid confinement,” Natasha explained, yet you just scoffed and shook your head. 

“Avoid confinement? Yeah right. There is no way, that after what I have done, your people won’t lock me away.” 

“I can be very persuasive,” Natasha simply replied. 

There was a small silence. Natasha knew you were debating your options. You didn’t seem like a brainwashed sheep. She knew that you knew better than trusting Dreykov’s lies. Sure, you still believed she was a traitor, but there is no way that you didn’t see that what Dreykov is doing is wrong. 

“You know going back after a failed mission will result in punishment,” Natasha started, trying to get through to you. Trying to give you that little push you needed to go with her. “If you go with me, you’ll never be punished like that ever again,” she finished. 

You looked up, deep in thought.

“How could you be so sure?” you asked her, and Natasha didn’t hesitate to respond. 

“We can keep you safe-”

“I found you. I nearly killed you. Who’s to say some other Widow won’t come after me as well?” you replied, and Natasha gave you another small smile. 

“I escaped the Red Room when I was 20,” Natasha started. “It took him 12 years to send someone after me. We will make sure we’ll take him down before he even has the chance to come after you.” 

“How many times, did you try to kill him, exactly? Because I believe you attempted his murder twice already, both of which you failed. You blew him up in Budapest, and then another time when you took the air facility down. Do you honestly think you’ll succeed now?”

Natasha shook her head, seemingly recollecting her thoughts. 

“I failed twice, and that was sloppy, but both times I didn’t have the Avengers on my side. You ran the moment you saw Wanda. You know what she is capable of. Taking down the Red Room for good shouldn’t be too difficult with the Avengers on our side,” Natasha explained, yet you just shook your head. 

“I’m not like you,” you told her, yet Natasha just looked at you in confusion. 

“I’m not some disposable widow like you were. I’m more important,” you explained, and Natasha gave you a sad smile.

“Everyone is just a disposable widow to him,” she started, but you interrupted her. 

“I’m not. You tested my blood. You know I carry the Super Soldier serum. I’m not just some girl he picked up from the streets,” you explained, and Natasha gave you a small nod, encouraging to keep going. 

“I can’t explain it, but he won’t just let me walk. He put too much time in my creation. He would never just let it go to waste,” you finished, looking down, avoiding Natasha’s gaze as you turned around, putting your glass by the sink. 

“We’ll help you. I know that we can,” Natasha tried. 

“Is it worth the risk? My life is not great, but it’s not terrible either. Dreykov values me, and I am not treated like a piece of meat, unlike you might suspect.” 

“So the punishment is worth it, then? Knowing that in three days time, Dreykov will have you be recollected, and once you return to the Red Room, you’ll be punished severely for a failed mission,” Natasha paused, allowing you to let her words sink in. 

“Or, in three days time, you could know you can go to bed without worrying about someone joining. You could know you can be safe, and sleep through the night without anyone disrupting you. Knowing that, is the choice really that hard?” Natasha finished, and you were almost at your breaking point. 

Was it worth it? Was going back the best decision? Dreykov would hurt you, you knew that, but you deserved it. Didn’t you? 

“Please, just come with me. We can help,” Natasha spoke, nearly begged. 

You sighed deeply. 

“Fine, but if you put me in a cell, I will go on a murder streak,” you told her, and Natasha let out a chuckle, before seeing your facial expression, and realising you were dead serious. 

“Duly noted,” Natasha said, before motioning you towards the door. 

What had you done…

Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @nova-kyle @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @simp-erformarvelwomen @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @mxximoffswifey

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 8

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, mentions of physical fight, swearing, hospital, stitches, injuries to ribs and wrist, mentions of thoughts of cheating (i don’t condone), guilt, angst, characters under the influence of alcohol.

The tension between Matt and I hung in the air, a lingering echo of what had almost happened, but it was quickly replaced by a sinking feeling as I unlocked my phone. My phone had one notification - a text from Jess.

“Hey, are you okay? Alex got into a fight..Call me when you can!”

My stomach twisted, and I felt my heart drop. Why am I only hearing this from Jess? Why has no one else tried to contact me? Alex wasn’t the rowdy type, so for him to get into a fight at a nightclub, I knew it was bad.

Matt was already reading his own texts, his brows furrowed as he processed the information. “Shit.” He muttered, glancing at me with concern. “Alex got into a fight with one of his teammates. They’re saying he’s hurt.”

Panic set in, “His teammate?” I thought as I tried to piece together what could have happened. I rang Alex’s number, but it went straight to voicemail. My heart pounded in my chest, every worst case scenario flashing through my mind.

“We need to go,” I said, my voice trembling as I stood up. “We have to find him.”

Matt nodded, already grabbing his keys. “Emily said they’re at the hospital. Come on, I’ll drive.”

The drive to the hospital was a blur, my mind too consumed with worry to register much of what was happening around me. Matt stayed focused on the road, his grip on the steering wheel tight. I could tell he was worried too, even though he was doing his best to stay calm for my sake.

When we finally pulled up to the hospital, I spotted Emily standing outside, her phone pressed to her ear. She was pacing, looking more annoyed than worried, and the sight made my stomach turn. I knew Emily wasn’t perfect, but seeing her so detached at a moment like this made me question everything.

The closer we got to Emily, I realised she was just as drunk as she was at the party and it wasn’t the time for another one of her outbursts.

“Matt what took you so long, I’ve been here for ageeeeeesss.” Emily said, crossing her arms while stumbling her balance to one side. “They won’t let me see Alex yet. They’re still checking him out or whatever.”

Matt’s expression tightened, but he kept his voice steady. “Let’s just go inside and wait. I’m sure they’ll give us an update soon.”

We walked into the hospital together, the smell of sanitizer hitting us immediately. The stark white lights made everything feel even more surreal. The waiting area was half empty, a few people scattered around, their faces etched with worry. We found a quiet corner to sit, the tension between us palpable.

“Do you know what happened Emily?” I asked.

“I have no idea, one minute we were all dancing, the next thing punches were been thrown.” Emily replied, visibly upset.

As we waited, Emily kept glancing between me and Matt, her suspicion growing with every second. “ Wait, did you two come here together?”

“Yeah,” Matt said quickly, his voice steady as he lied. “I picked her up on the way here, figured it would be easier since Y/n needs to be here too.”

I glanced at Matt, grateful for the quick cover, but I couldn’t help feel the tug on my heart. I wasn’t too sure if she believed what Matt said, but before she could press further, a nurse approached us.

“Are you both here for Alex too?” she asked, her eyes on Matt and I.

“Yes,” I said, standing up quickly. “Is he okay?”

“He’s stable.” the nurse said, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “The doctors are finishing up with him now, but he should be able to go home tonight.”

I nodded, relief washing over me. “Thank you. Can we see him?”

“Just one of you for now.” The nurse said, glancing between us. “You can all go in once he’s moved to a recovery room.”

“I’ll go! I’ve known him the longest.” Emily said quickly, as she jogged down the hallway bare foot, her high heels sat on the chair next to us.

Matt and I exchanged a look, but I couldn’t bring myself to argue. This was Alex, my boyfriend - the person I was supposed to care about more than anyone. So why am I not the one walking down that hall right now.

We sat back down, the silence between us heavy with unspoken thoughts. I couldn’t shake the image of Alex, hurt and in pain, and yet my mind kept drifting back to the situation with Matt earlier, and the way we’d almost… I shook my head, trying to focus on the present.

“Are you okay?” Matt asked, his voice soft as he reached out to place a comforting hand on my arm.

I nodded, “Yeah, I’m just worried. I can’t believe this happened.”

“Alex is tough. He’ll be fine,” Matt said, but there was something in his tone that made me wonder if he was trying to convince himself as much as me.

We lapsed into silence again, waiting for the nurse to return. My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I didn’t have the energy to check it. Instead, I leaned back in the uncomfortable ER chair, my thoughts spinning in a million different directions.

What had happened to Alex to make him snap like that? And why did I feel so guilty sitting here with Matt, even though I knew we hadn’t done anything wrong?

Shortly after she ran down the hall, Emily came back, looking more irritated than concerned. “Alex said he wants you in the room with him instead.” she said with a sigh. “Well I would like to think my own boyfriend would prefer me to be with him.” I thought to myself.

I nodded, standing up again. “Okay, I’ll go see him.”

As I went to walk down the hallway Emily had come from, the nurse reappeared, motioning for us to follow her.

"He's ready to be discharged, you can all come in." She said with a gentle smile.

Emily, Matt, and I exchanged a brief glance before we trailed after the nurse down the quiet hallway. When we reached Alex's room, I felt a strange mix of emotions - relief that he was okay, but also a deep unease right in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t quite shake.

Alex was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, his wrist wrapped in a sling and bandage covering the cut on his forehead. His face lit up when he saw us, a crooked, drunken smile spreading across his lips. Despite everything, he looked like a little kid who had just been given out to but was happy to see all of us.

“Thereeee she issss.” He slurred, his voice thick from the painkillers and the alcohol still infused in his system. He tried to stand but swayed slightly, prompting the nurse to steady him. “My dream girl, I’m so glad you’re here.” Alex said as his gaze landed on me. He reached out and pulled me into a hug, his arm wrapping around my shoulders.

“Of course, Alex,” I said softly, stepping back slightly as he released me to sit back on the edge of the bed. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”

I knelt down beside him, my heart breaking at the sight of him so vulnerable. “What happened?”

He leaned in closer, his breath warm against my ear as he murmured, “Got into it with one of the guys. So stupid, it shouldn’t have happened.” He pulled back slightly, his eyes glassy as he tried to focus on me. “You’re the best, you know that? The best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He leaned in to kiss me, his lips finding my forehead. I couldn’t help but notice how Matt’s expression darkened out of the corner of my eye. I glanced at him, catching the tension in his jaw, the way his hands curled into fists at his sides.

After letting us have our moment, the nurse gave us a rundown of Alex’s injuries - a Grade 2 wrist sprain, a few bruises ribs and a small cut on his forehead that required stitches. Recovery time is 4 weeks. They’d given him something for the pain, which explained his current state, and informed us after a bit more paperwork, we were free to leave.

Matt kept focus on us despite Emily yapping in his ear. “4 weeks recovery time? Thank god you’ll be good as new just in time for Barcelona!” Emily exclaimed in relief.

Matts eyes were dark with an emotion I couldn’t quite place. He seemed to snap out of it when Alex turned to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

You’re a good dude, Matt,” Alex said with a grin. “Thanks for getting her here. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

Matt nodded, his face plastered with a neutral look, though I could sense the tension beneath it. “No problem, man. Just glad you’re okay.”

The nurse handed Alex his discharge papers, and now that everything was finalized, we could leave. Matt stepped forward to help me get Alex to his feet, his arm gently sliding around my boyfriend’s back to support him making sure he wasn’t putting pressure on Alex’s ribs in the process. As they stood, Alex winced, so I moved closer, ready to catch him if he fell.

“Thanks, Matt,” Alex mumbled, his head lolling back against Matt’s shoulder. He turned his blurred gaze to me, a dopey smile spreading across his face. “I’m so glad we’re all here. Together.” He reached out, his hand brushing against my cheek before he pulled me in and leaned in to kiss my forehead again. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

The kiss, meant to be tender and affectionate, felt like a sack of rocks sitting in my stomach. I’m standing in a hospital room, holding my boyfriend up, with someone who I had thoughts of kissing tonight. The whole scene felt surreal, like we were all playing parts in some fucked up drama that none of us had signed up for.

Emily took Matt’s keys off his waistband and walked ahead of us all, ready to unlock his car and open all the doors for us. Emily took the passenger seat as I sat in the back with Alex. As we drove back to our apartment, Alex’s head laid back against the seat, his eyes half-closed. Emily was asleep with her head resting against the car window. I sat in silence, my thoughts racing, trying to make sense of everything that had happened tonight. God if Alex had have just come home everything would be different. Everything would be fine.

When we finally pulled up to our building, Matt helped me get Alex inside while Emily trailed behind, groggy from her 20 minute nap. As soon as we got him to our bed, Alex was out cold, his breathing deep and even. Emily sighed, brushing a hand through her hair, clearly exhausted.

“We should get going,” she said, glancing at Matt. “I hope you’re okay Y/n. I’ll check on him in the morning.”

Matt nodded, his eyes meeting mine briefly before he looked away. “Yeah we should get going. You should get some rest Y/n.”

Emily gave me a quick hug, her perfume lingering in the air as she pulled away. “Take care of him, okay?” she said, her voice softer than before.

“Yeah,” I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper. “Don’t worry, I will.”

As Emily left to walk back to the car, Matt lingered in the doorway, his eyes scanning the room before settling on me. “If you need anything… you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, Matt,” I said, offering him a small, tired smile. “I appreciate it. For everything.”

He nodded, hesitating for a moment as if he wanted to say more, but then he turned and walked out, leaving me alone with my thoughts and a sleeping Alex. I looked down at him, his face peaceful in sleep. I had almost crossed a line tonight. But for now, all I could do was focus on the present. I pulled the duvet over Alex and lay down next to him. I checked my phone, remembering I felt a notification while I was sitting in the hospital. It was from Jess again, but the message had been deleted.

a/n : this isn’t proof read properly, it’s 8am and i’ve been working on this since 5am with 3 hours sleep <3 jet lag is reallllll i’ll fix anything that needs to be fixed later

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @hoeforchrizz @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69 @hotdismylife @maggot3647 @ivysturnss @noplaceissafeanymore @mattssgf

*can you pls lmk if you actually got tagged in this, this shit isnt tagging most ppl idk why

[stinkysam]

Serge "Frenchie" - Can't sleep love.

Warning : nsfw, dry humping, unprotected sex, overstimulation, choking, top!reader, bit of degradation, praise, pre-established consent on everything going on

Genre : smut

Synopsis : You can't sleep and your boyfriend suggests having sex to pass time.

Reader : male (you/yours)

A/N : Reader speaks French as well because I do. // Thought of this while I couldn't sleep. // All translations are at the end. // I'm really not sure about it 😕 there's barely anything for him (this is outrageous) so I can't compare with other people's work so idk if it's good.

Once again you couldn't sleep.

It's been a little more than a year now that you wake up multiple times, every night. You'd just wake up. And fall back asleep after 5 or 10 minutes.

You didn't know why and no medication would work, despite trying quite a few. Whether you were tired or not, going to bed early or late wouldn't change anything. You'd still wake up. Every night.

So here you were at 1am, laying in your shared bed with Frenchie fast asleep by your side. You knew you fell asleep around 11, or so you think, you're not sure anymore after ruminating as much as you were doing now. You kept turning and tossing, it's been longer than usual, making you annoyed, pulling the blankets up then pushing them down. Too hot. Too cold. Too hot. Too co-

“Mon amour ?” You hear. Shit, you woke Frenchie up with your constant movements.

“Yeah ?” You whispered back, turning to face him.

“Ça va ?” He scoots closer, placing a hand on your cheek. Worry evident in his voice. You grab it, kissing his palm.

“Non. Can't fucking sleep.”

“Again ?”

“Comme toutes les nuits.” You chuckled bitterly. “Normally I wouldn't care much, I fall back asleep after 5 minutes but it's been an hour and I'm still not asleep.”

He says nothing, listening.

“I'm so bored, it's pissing me off.” You add with a huff, ready to toss and turn again. A moment of silence falls as Frenchie thinks.

“Wanna fuck ? Pour passer le temps ?” He finally says with a cheeky smile.

You turn your head to look at him again though you can barely see his features in the dark. A moment of silence passes again as you thought.

“It won't work, y'know ?”

“Why not ?”

“I just know it won’t.” You shrugged but continued speaking after a second. “But pour passer le temps ?” You repeated. “Okay, d'accord. Pourquoi pas.” You weren't particularly aroused but at least you would be doing something instead of waiting for the sleep that refused to come. Still, you wasted no time as you climbed on top of Frenchie, capturing his lips in a hungry kiss. He responded with as much energy, his hands slipping quickly under your shirt to touch you everywhere.

You kissed him everywhere on his face, your hands holding his head still as you pushed your knee between his legs, applying pressure on his growing hard on, making him moan lightly before biting his lower lip, earning a hiss as he grabbed you harder, pulling you closer at the same time.

His tongue in your mouth, dancing with yours as you shared more than sloppy kisses, but you didn't let that and his pretty noises distract you from massaging his dick with your knee, feeling it grow harder under your ministrations. Frenchie’s moans grew louder as his boxers felt too tight now, spreading his legs open as he bucked his hips against you to get more friction.

“Eager, are we ?” You said in between kisses. But truth be told, you were as eager as him.

“J'ai juste envie de toi, mon cœur.” He replied, pushing his lips back against yours.

He kept humping your leg, small moans leaving his mouth.

Your thumbs caressed his skin, feeling his light stubble and still fresh cut he got from a fight. Your knee never stopped pushing against his dick and balls, massaging them in a rough manner. The more you did so, the louder he became, not caring if the walls of your place weren't thick enough to contain his moans.

“Putain.” He breathed out several times in between kisses.

You continued like this ‘til he came in his boxers. You didn't give him the time to regain his breath as you pulled his boxers down, jerking his now sensitive cock.

“Attends- Wait ! Mon coeur-” Frenchie hissed, a hand flying over to yours in a weak attempt to stop you, but you gently slapped it. After all, he still hadn't said the safeword. So he closed his eyes for a few seconds, letting you do whatever you wanted to do as small moans began to leave his lips once more.

Your thumb caressed his dick roughly, not letting it go soft as you followed the veins to his balls before your other hand went under, pushing a spit covered finger in his ass. He hissed once more, clenching around your index before relaxing rapidly.

Your own cock was painfully hard in your boxers by now but you didn't mind. You were patient and had other plans. So you continued jerking Frenchie before adding a second finger, making scissor motions.

“You're not allowed to come.” You informed hom, watching him quickly nod through his moans. “Good boy.” You kissed his knee that was resting against you and his cock pulsed at your words.

You tormented him like that for a few minutes, jerking him rapidly then slowly then fast again while your fingers still worked his ass, occasionally tickling his prostate. His moans and gasps were like music to your ears, you wished you could listen to them forever. So you savored them instead.

“Ah ! Putain ! I'm- Can I come ? Please ?” He quickly asked, words rushing out. He really needed to cum.

“No.”

“But mon coeur…”

“I said no, slut.” You smiled devilishly as you knew he would obey, and it didn't miss. He whined but complied, his legs shaking as he tried hard not to close them and not to cum. Eyes shut tightly as more moans spilled from his lips.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” You heard him say under his breath, almost like a prayer while his hips moved in an erratic manner to match the pace of your both hands.

Pre-cum was leaking from his tip, coating your hand while your other one continued to finger him.

“You like that, huh ? T'es ma petite pute. Mh, Serge ?”

Frenchie nodded at your words, dick throbbing in your hand, more pre pooling out.

You could tell how much he wanted to cum and how hard he was trying not to with tears in his eyes. You took note of how this time he didn't wipe them, he knew you liked seeing them. You decided to be kind, knowing him, he wouldn't beg for it, not because he's above begging but because he wants to be good and fear you'd say “No.” for the hell of it.

“What a good boy.” You said with a smile, kissing his knee once more. “You can cum.”

And it didn't take long for him to come after your words, a sigh of relief mixed with more moans of pleasure left him as you helped him ride his second orgasm, cum landing on his shirt and lower abdomen. But once more, you didn't let him relax, pulling your fingers out of him to replace them with your aching dick after removing your boxers.

“Putain de- Ah !” He gasped, and you pulled him up, making him bounce on your cock. He wrapped his arms around you for more stability, moaning loudly in your ear as he planted his face in the crook of your neck. There was no way your neighbor didn't know what you two were doing by now, but you didn't care as you continued to plow into your boyfriend. His cock was rubbing against you, smearing pre and come all over you two.

His breathing was loud and erratic as he tried to calm down, without success. So he busied himself by kissing you again, holding you close.

Wanting to change position, but thinking the headboard was far enough you pushed Frenchie down and a ‘bonk’ was heard followed by a quick “Aie !”. He had hit his head against the fucking headboard.

You laughed, rapidly apologizing, kissing his forehead.

“You okay ?” You asked, hands planted by his shoulders as you peppered his face with kisses.

“Mon chéri, you need to do more than that to take me out.” He said with a smirk, though you couldn't see it in the dark you could hear it in his voice.

You snorted, kissing him once more on the lips before pushing yourself back in, soft moans escaping him again.

With one hand you held yourself up above him while the other one went to his throat, squeezing the sides to restrict his blood flow.

“Oh, putain...” He managed to speak, though his voice was a bit hoarse as he began to feel light headed after a few seconds. Each time you would release his neck, Frenchie would gasp for air, eyes half lidded, only for you to start again. You're careful as to not apply pressure on his windpipe, counting each second of when he can and can't breathe.

But while you're cautious with your hand, you're less caring with how hard your dick ram into him. Certainly bruising his prostate with each hit, earning pretty broken moans after pretty broken moan.

“What a good boy you are, huh ?” You said, leaning down, kissing him. He tried to kiss you back but felt too hazy to succeed. “You're doing so good for me.” His cock throbbed with each of your words, clearly enjoying them.

He grabbed your arm, not to pull your hand away from his throat but to warn you he was close to cumming again. Good, you were reaching your limit too.

“You can cum, pretty boy.” This time you made sure to choke him while he reached his climax, cum spilling on his shirt and a bit on you. His ears were ringing when you finally let go of him and his head felt bubbly. You finished quickly after, inside him, but you didn't pull out directly and instead waited to calm down from both your high and his.

Frenchie was panting under you, slowly regaining his breath, chest heaving up and down.

You both groaned when you pulled out and you quickly left the bed to get a cloth and a water bottle. You rapidly cleaned yourself, then Frenchie.

“Merci.” He said, grabbing the bottle before drinking some of it. You watched as Frenchie removed his cum stained shirt and threw it to the side. You did the same and went back to bed, cuddled against him under a thin blanket. You both closed your eyes and after a moment…

“It didn't work. I don't feel sleepy at all.” You sighed. He laughed

“It worked for me !”

“Connard.”

“What ? C'pas ma faute !”

“What ?! It literally is ! We fucked and it woke me up more than ever !”

“Oh, va te faire foutre !” He laughed and placed his chin above your head, holding you close.

“Comment vas ta gorge ? J't'ai fait mal ?” You asked, kissing his neck.

“Non, mon chéri. You didn't hurt me. I told you, you need to do more than that to take me out.”

“Okay. Good. I love you.”

It's not your first time saying these three words yet it always catches Frenchie off guard. After everything that's happened, his past and ex-lovers, he wasn't sure if he deserved these words.

“I- I love you too.” He replied after a little while.

“You don't have to say it back, you know. I know you do.” You kissed his forehead.

“Non, je sais, but I want to.”

“Okay.” You smiled.

While Frenchie fell asleep rather quickly after, arms holding you tightly, you had to wait once more, stuck in his embrace, unable to toss and turn anymore. And of course, it didn't miss, you woke up later that night. And once more at around 5 am without falling back asleep.

Putain de merde.

--

Translations :

Mon amour - My love.

Ça va ? - You okay ?

Non - No.

Comme toutes les nuits - Like every night.

Pour passer le temps - To pass time.

D'accord - Okay / Alright.

Pourquoi pas - Why not.

Putain - Fuck.

J'ai juste envie de toi - I just want you.

Attends - Wait.

T'es ma petite pute - You’re my little whore.

Putain de… - Fucking...

Mon chéri - My dear.

Merci - Thank you.

Connard - Asshole.

C’pas ma faute - It's not my fault.

Va te faire foutre - Go fuck yourself.

Comment vas ta gorge ? - How is your throat ?

J't'ai fait mal ? - Did I hurt you ?

Non, je sais - No, I know.

Putain de merde - Fucking shit.

[yeonzzzn]

the ending: park jongseong

a break the chain series: seven / seven

pairing: jay x afab!reader word count: 5.2k

synopsis: with the two youngest in danger, the pack fights to find them and push out the traitors to end this war once and for all.

genre: established relationship, vampire!jay, vampire!reader

warnings: swearing, blood + d!!th, that’s about it??

prt 1: vampires bleeding | prt 2: you complete me

☾ heeseung(1) | jake (2) | jungwon(3) | sunghoon(4) | sunoo(5) | niki(6) | jay(7) ☽

Heeseung hoped the traitors had no clue he was awake and had Jay communicate down the bond for everyone to meet in secret and quickly. Thankfully the traitor’s power of reading what is said down bonds only works when they are near everyone. 

And Heeseung knew exactly where they were. 

Everyone was already waiting when Jay and Heeseung arrived, the queen was pacing back and forth in the small cellar room, stopping in her tracks to see Heeseung awake and alive. 

“Oh, Hee!” she cried, rushing to her husband and embracing him in her arms, tears streaming down her face, “Don’t ever scare me like that again!” 

Heeseung pulled his mate back and cupped her face, kissing her tenderly, “I’m so sorry baby,” he whispered after pulling his lips from hers. 

You quickly ran to Jay’s side, his arms already opening to embrace you, “What happened with Lilly?” 

Jay glanced at the king and you followed his eyes, seeing the blood that stained his face. Heeseung killed her. 

“They were going to kill her anyways,” the king mumbled, pulling his mate to his side and standing up straighter, “If we kept her alive her enemies would have continued fighting us,” he looked at every single person in the room, “We need to get our kids back.” 

The witch fumbled with the rings on her fingers, “What do you suggest we do? The traitors have them and will cut communications between the twelve—thirteen including Archer—of us off the minute we confront them.” 

Sunghoon took her fidgeting hands in his, rubbing thumbs over her palms in hopes of calming her down, “We will get them back,” he promised, “There’s thirteen of us, we are unstoppable.”

Heeseung agreed, “The traitors only have a small circle, the rest of the royal guard follows me.” 

“And how are you so sure?” Archer said as he kept his arms crossed and leaned against the wall, “From what Jay said down the bond and word passed to me, they have been watching your every move. How are we so sure they aren’t playing both sides to deceive you in the end?” 

“Archer!” his twin sister snapped, “Do you have doubts about his words?” 

“Hey, now,” Jake said, pulling her to him, “Baby, let’s not assume everything, okay?” 

Archer just shrugs, “Heeseung, I am on your side, always. But I don’t want to step out of this room and be blindsided.” 

The room fell silent and all eyes were on the king. 

“Want to know how we know?” Jungwon spoke up, stepping up beside the king, “As the second in command, I did digging. Watching when everyone thought I wasn’t.” 

Jungwon’s mate whistled, “Leader, second in command, and a spy? What can’t you do?” 

Jungwon just smirks at her then continues talking, “It wasn’t hard to figure out who was and wasn’t with us.” 

Jay furrowed his brows, hand squeezing tighter at your hip, “So you knew this entire time along with Heeseung and never said anything?!” 

Both Heeseung and Jungwon slightly looked at him, their faces filled with guilt and regret.

“I told you,” Heeseung sighed, “I had people up my ass twenty-four-seven, it was kind of hard to give out any information.” 

“When Heeseung first suspected a traitor and that our bond was being cut, he wrote it out to me on a paper secretly, and we started to test it out,” Jungwon held Jay’s stare, “It didn’t take long to figure out this person had that kind of power.” 

“If I could have told you all,” Heeseung said, looking every person in his pack in the eyes, “I would have the minute I knew.” 

“We understand,” Sunoo nodded, “Just tell us what we can do to get Niki and __ back and end this war.” 

Heeseung nodded. This wouldn’t be an easy fight, some would get hurt, but in the end, once it was over, it would be all worth it. 

The witch will keep hold in the cellar with her magical items to search where they are keeping the kids while the elf will be at her side and holding up a barrier of protection on everyone, she wouldn’t be able to hold it for long, so the window for the rest to end the traitors was small, every second counted. 

Archer and his twin sister will be at the rear, since they are skilled with bows and arrows, they will use their weapons to support at the back. 

Jake and Sunghoon will be a unit off to the left of Jay and Heeseung, and the queen, while Jungwon and Sunoo are to the right. 

You and Jungwon’s mate were to be in the middle. With her electricity powers, the witch gave her the crystal that suppressed a fraction of her power inside it and was told to only break it if needed. She was also given a crystal to amplify the power. She was a walking unit of her own. Considering the fact Jungwon was the one who turned her and he was already a unit himself, it only made sense she would be just as powerful as him. 

But you? You felt helpless. Sure you had super speed and vampire strength and were able to learn how to dual wield some daggers, but you had nothing else to bring to the table. You were surrounded by powerful beings. Each of them had something so special, so many gifts. 

Jay stood at Heeseung’s side, listening carefully to the plan he had in mind. His eyes drifted to you, taking notice of how you backed yourself away from the group and stared down at the floor. He could read it all over your face, the way you were doubting yourself. 

Jay stepped back, “YN,” he softly said, his fingers twisting themselves with yours, “What are you thinking?” 

You kept your gaze down on his boots, “I can’t help, not the way I want to.” 

His hands were now cupping your face and lifting it up to look at him, “Why are you talking this nonsense?” 

You cupped your hands over his, “Dorian almost killed me,” Jay winced at the memory of seeing Dorian push you off that cliff, watching your body fall into the water, remembering how pale you looked, and how cold your body was. He hated remembering it. Hated Dorian for what he did to you and gave you the scar he did until it thankfully went away after Jay turned you, “What makes me think I could be strong enough to fight this enemy when I was powerless against Dorian?” 

Jay pinched your cheeks, “Don’t talk like that!” he softly hissed, “You were human when Dorian…” Jay sighs and shakes his head, “You’re stronger now, powerful in your own way. I’ve seen you use those daggers. Baby, you’re so strong.” 

You wanted to believe him. Truly wanted to believe him. 

Jay rubbed his thumbs against your cheekbones, “I love you,” he placed a kiss on your forehead, “So goddamn much it drives me insane.” 

Jay wished he could give you the confidence you were looking for. But he’s still how you fight, the drive you have, and even how stubborn you are. You’ve made a fine vampire and will continue to be a great one. He just wants you to see it. 

“Jay,” Heeseung called him back over, “You and YN get back over here, it’s almost time.” 

Jay quickly pressed a couple of kisses to your lips and pulled you back towards the group. He’ll do everything in his power to get you to see how amazing and strong you are. 

—

Everyone walked to the lobby. Sunoo’s elf already started the protection barrier and Sunghoon’s mate sat in the cellar surrounded by her magic items and drew out a circle on the floor to look for the kids. 

Heeseung leads the pack, quickly stopping and holding his arm out. 

“You’re awake, my king,” E said with a smile, “Welcome back.” 

Heeseung tilted his head, not saying a word. 

E chuckled, “I’m assuming you had fun with our Lilly,” he held his arms behind his back, “I can smell her blood that’s still plastered over your face and clothes.” 

Heeseung was the one smirking now, feeling her now dried and crusted blood cracking against his skin, “She welcomed it. Should have seen the look she gave me, begging me to kill her.” 

E hummed, “It’s better this way, she tried to kill you after all,” Jay scoffed, causing E’s eyes to shift to him, “I suggest you watch your tone, false king.”

Jay took a step in front of Heeseung, “Or what?” 

“Jay, stop!” you tried to shout down the bond, only for it to not reach him. Your hands trembled, this was it. Everything was about to start. 

The queen stood a bit behind Heeseung, her eyes glowing crimson, “You will not speak to him that way.” 

E tilted his head, eyes glaring at her. 

Before any more could be said, M came running from the side room, “Oh King Heeseung!” she shouted, “You’re awake! Oh good heavens—“ 

Jungwon moved fast, his hands gripping the side of her face and twisting it, the crack echoing in the lobby. Jake and Sunghoon were at his sides, grabbing a hold of her arms and pulling, the limbs detaching from her body and Jungwon pulling his blade out and cutting deep into her throat, pushing through until her head was no longer attached to her body. Blood spilled across all three men’s faces and clothes, dropping M’s body to the floor. 

E stood up straighter, gripping his hands tightly, eyes flickering crimson, “Now, was that so necessary?”

Heeseung laughed, his blades appearing in his hands as he pointed one at E, “You don’t take me for a fool, do you? I know you cut off our bond and she could read anything that was said down it,” Heeseung tilted his head to the other side and down, eyes piercing into E, “I caught along a long time ago, traitors.” 

The only sound that could be heard was E’s laughter echoing the castle. You clenched your hands into fists, anger boiling your blood as seeing the man who was supposed to help protect the king, laugh his ass off. 

“I knew you were a good one,” he said, starting to walk back and forth in a pacing manner, “I’ve told you that since the beginning.” 

Heeseung narrowed his eyes, remembering all that time ago when E told him he knew Heeseung would be king and make a fine one. But nothing made sense, not when E wanted him dead. 

“Spill,” Jay snapped, his own weapons appearing, “We aren’t playing these mind games anymore!” 

E stopped pacing and glared at your mate, “Lilly told you everything.” Jay snarled at him, and E just chuckled, “It’s all true. I want Heeseung fucking dead!” 

The rest of the males pulled their weapons free, inching themselves closer to their king. 

“Looks like you’ve failed, obviously,” Heeseung smirked, “Your pons kind of suck.” 

“Dorian was trial and error,” E waved off, “I had faith but not a lot. And Lilly? She was so close yet so far.” 

“Why?” the queen snapped, “What did Heeseung do to you to deserve this?!” 

E smiled, “Why my dear queen,” he leaned forward, “He killed the king. That’s the whole problem.” 

Your body tensed, E was pissed off that Heeseung killed the previous king??

E continued his pacing, “I had a plan, you see, to take out the previous king so I can finally have the throne. But then poor, poor Heeseung’s dear friend had to act out and get murdered by the king.” 

Heeseung gritted his teeth, “Don’t speak of Alannah like that!” 

E ignored Heeseung’s outburst and continued, “As I’ve said before, you’ve had a fire burning in you the moment the previous king dragged your ass in here, so ready for a war that hadn’t happened.” 

The queen placed a hand on her mate's forearm, hoping to keep him calm. 

E continued, “I had everything lined up perfectly on how I would kill the king and take the throne. I didn’t even want to change how he was doing things around here,” E stopped pacing and looked Heeseung deep in the eyes, “I just wanted to be king.”

Jay was gritting his teeth and clenching his hands, E didn’t give a shit about making changes around here. He wanted to rule. Jay, Jake, and Heeseung went through hell and back and more because of the previous king and all E wanted to do was continue that pain and suffering. Jake was also clenching his fists tightly, Sunghoon inching himself closer to his best friend. 

“But you,” E pointed at Heeseung, “You just had to get angry over Alannah’s death and take revenge that night. I watched you steal from the armory and make your way to the study. I watched the fire set ablaze in your eyes as you sliced his neck and severed his head from his body,” E was now clenching his jaw, “It was too late to stop you after you tossed his damn head into the fireplace and dragged his body out to the yard. I do have to say, it was a powerful move on your end to make it a public execution of the remainder of his body.” 

Jay glanced over at Heeseung, the memory of barely running out of the castle with Jake at his side to see Heeseung tossing the remnants of the previous king’s body into the fire. Watching the power transfer to Heeseung and seeing the change of his crimson eyes burning their gold. It was the start of the three of them escaping this place and never looking back until now. 

“It was hard to track you down after the three of you escaped,” E continued with a shrug, “But once I found you and saw you created a pack,” he sighed, “I had to create an army myself to take you out.” 

Heeseung was now laughing, throwing his head back and letting out an exhale. He flung his head back forward, eyes now golden, “Where are my kids?” 

E chuckled, “I poured my heart out and this is what you have to say?” 

Heeseung’s fangs grew to their point and Jay, Jake, Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon, the queen, __, and yourself all let your eyes glow crimson, feeling the power Heeseung was radiating and passing on between everyone. Archer and __’s bows drew back, E only being able to see their crimson eyes from the distance they were in. 

“I’ll ask one more time,” Heeseung warned, “Where is Niki and __?” 

E just smirked. 

A small sparkle of light came into view and stopped in front of Heeseung. Sunghoon smirked, “My mate found them.” 

E’s smirk dropped, his body tensing and preparing for what was to come. Heeseung’s smirk at the globe of light and the way his eyes flickered to E told him everything. War was officially about to be unleashed. With a whip of his hand, he signaled for his army to come to his aid, Heeseung and the rest of the pack were already on the move towards him. 

They knew where their kids were and now it was time to end this. 

Heeseung shifted to make a move at E, but he blocked it. But Heeseung didn’t stop. Shoving his body fully against the courtier and breaking through the doors of the castle, the night sky came into their view. 

The rest of the pack ran right behind them. E’s army surrounds them. 

“I love you,” Jay said down the bond to you. Your heart raced. E must have been caught so off guard he dropped his powers for enough time. 

“I love you, too,” you said back, and you could feel the smile Jay had even with you running behind him. 

“Let’s fucking end thi—“ Heeseung barely was able to say down the bond before E cut it back off. Now shoving Heeseung off him and jumping away, pulling his sword out of thin air. 

The males surrounded E, arrows flying left and right from the dhampir and Archer, targeting E’s army. Jungwon’s mate was quick to break both crystals, her electricity flowed throughout her body, the yellow aura radiating around her as she sped through the army, sending shockwaves their way. 

The army on Heeseung’s side finally showed up, helping you all take care of the others. 

You held your own against the enemy, dodging and turning just how you were taught in training, how Jay showed you. You could feel his hands against your skin as he showed you how to use the daggers, and how he moved your body. It replayed like fire on your skin as you shoved the dagger into the enemy’s chest, using the other to cut through his neck, taking his head clean off and his blood coating your face and clothes. 

Your eyes burned their crimson as you continued to fight your way through E’s army with the help of __ electrocuting them as she went. You rush right behind her. Jay’s words of encouragement from earlier spun around in your head like a web, you weren’t useless. You are powerful in your own way and the way you played the battlefield was proof. 

Jay and Heeseung tagged teamed E, taking turns rushing him back to back to not let him have any time to think or react. And the time either of them failed to make a move, Jake, Sunghoon, Sunoo, or Jungwon made up for it. E was strong, a lot stronger than what Lilly was. Which made sense considering E has been alive a lot longer than all the boys combined. His stamina and speed were like nothing Jay had ever gone up against. Same with the other males. E recovered and healed fast, making it harder to take him down. Along with the army of his that was attacking at the same time, this seemed impossible. 

With their communications down and not being able to coordinate when to strike, this fight was going to drag out longer than they wanted.

Jay gritted his teeth as he lashed forward, swinging his blades quickly, but E moved just as fast, shielding himself with his arms and Jay’s blade slashing through them. 

No moves were working. No amount of swinging their blades worked. The males grew tired and the lack of not being able to drink blood before this fight was starting to wear them down. 

All six males had injuries. Their breaths are uneven. Arrows stopped flying across the sky signaling that Archer and __ were out. 

They surrounded E, circling him and catching their breaths. E just chuckled, “Have had enough yet?” 

Jay locked his jaw tighter, twirling his blades, “When are you going to give up?” 

E laughed, shooting his eyes over to Heeseung, “Not until he’s dead and I’m king!” 

You and Jungwon’s mate finished off a circle of enemies, looking over to the boys, “They need blood,” you said, eyes scanning your mate up and down, seeing the exhaustion weighing him down. 

She nods, voice shaking, “I don’t know what to do…” 

A sparkle of light came into both of your views, it flickering, “Go to them quickly,” the witch whispered through the orb, “E has more of his army coming. The boys need blood. Now.” 

“How—“ __ started to say.

“Your blood. You both may be vampires, but your blood is still very much human circulating your veins until it exceeds out.” 

“What about you, __ and __?? Sunghoon, Jake, and Sunoo will need blood too!” you quickly said, worried about your other pack members. 

A chuckle came from the orb, “Don’t worry, it’s all handled.” 

You and Jungwon’s mate looked at each other quickly then back at the orb, seeing it disappear. 

You then see Jake’s mate running towards you, Archer, the witch, elf, Niki, and his mate right behind them. You could have cried from happiness. The whole pack was here together. They could end this right now. 

You ran with the others, “Do the boys know?” 

The witch smiled, sweat dripping down her face, “More and then some. My magic is running out, I have only so much left. But everything is coming to plan.” 

You didn’t question it, just nodding and rushing to your mate. 

E’s smirk dropped seeing Niki and his mate join in, and then frowned seeing each female stand by their mate. 

“What are you plotting?!” he snapped, eyeing down Heeseung as the queen pressed her back to her king’s chest. 

“What?” Heeseung smirked, wrapping his hand to the front of his mate's neck and tilting her head to the side, exposing her neck and leaning down, “You think we don’t have anyways to communicate?” 

E whipped his head around to Sunghoon and the witch, smirked lined both their faces as Sunghoon’s hand tilted his mate's head to the side, his fangs coming to a point, “We always find a way,” he said, then sank his teeth into his mate's neck, her lips parting from the pressure of his fangs digging in, his free hand gripping her waist as he sucked in her blood. 

Jay pressed your back to his chest, one hand on your jaw and the other on your hip. His mouth watered at the very thought of drinking your blood again, eyes crimson and fangs fully pointed, “I love you,” he whispered into your ear then pierced your skin, squeezing you tightly as he inhaled your blood. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,” he repeated over and over to himself, wishing he could repeat it down the bond or verbally to you. But you knew, you could feel it in the way he held you close. 

Each male one by one bit into their mate's neck, every female glaring E down as the males regained their strength. 

Heeseung finished first, exhaling with pleasure as he licked the dripping blood from his mate's wounds before they closed up. His eyes are now burning holes into E. 

“Ha! What do you think drinking from your mates will do?” E snapped. 

Niki cracked his knuckles, “Gives me plenty of strength to beat your ass for locking us ten feet under the damned castle.” 

“It’s not just drinking from our mates,” Heeseung said, twirling his blades, “You really need to stop dismissing our magic users.” 

E narrows his eyes, slowly turning to look at the witch and elf, both females snapping their fingers, colorful auras surrounding each of the boys. 

“What did you girls do?” E snarled. 

The witch looks up at Sunghoon, ice crystals forming at his hands, “We gave them a power boost,” she said. 

The elf leaned against Sunoo, his index fingers twirling in a circle, and rocks from the ground started floating up and circling his fingers, “After our second in command’s mate showed off her new abilities, we decided to do research and dig deep into our mate’s auras and gave them a boost.” 

Jake snapped his fingers and fire flicked from the tip of his index finger, a chuckle leaving his lips, “Always knew I had a fire within me.” His dhampir mate rolled her eyes but kept herself pressed against him anyway, a massive smile on her face. 

Niki unfolded his hands, palming facing the sky as darkness floated out of it, his eyes locked on E. 

Jay flexed his hands, a smirk spreading on his lips. He was stronger. So much stronger. 

E fixed his eyes between Jungwon and Heeseung, then laughed, “Guess the two of you aren’t so special huh?” 

Heeseung smiled and placed his index and middle finger on his temple, “Jungwon?” 

Jungwon was immediately at his king’s side in a flash. It was so fast you didn’t even see him move. Vampires already have super speed, but now Jungwon topped that speed. Even E was in shock, his eyes widening now seeing Jungwon resting his arm on Heeseung’s shoulder. 

His eyes locked onto Heeseung, “I am assuming you can communicate with them now.” 

Keeping his fingers to his temple, he cocked his head to the side, glancing at his pack members one by one, “Let’s end him.” 

E wasn’t ready for the rush of all fourteen of you. Each of the male’s powers threw him off along with the leftover magic both the witch and elf had that they were sending his way. You, the dhampir, Archer, Niki’s mate, and the queen rushed him too, swinging your weapons left and right at him in turns with the boys. E was panicking, and it was going to be his downfall. 

E wasn’t expecting this. His whole plan was to tire them out and pick’em off one by one. He already knew Heeseung had guards in his corner. But he figured with the youngest ones not around they would falter and break. But that wasn’t the case. 

He couldn’t keep up with their blows. With the ice, fire, darkness, strength, speed, gravity, their weapons, magic, and Heeseung leading them telepathically. All he could do was smirk, he underestimated the king and his pack. 

Heeseung’s pack was already known to other packs on how powerful they were when it was just the seven of them. E knew the truth all along that it was because Heeseung was secretly the king. But now seeing how unified this pack was with their new powers and mates, they being a powerhouse still holds true. Even if Heeseung wasn’t king, these fourteen would still be the most powerful. 

And he was an idiot to think he could break them one by one. 

But he kept fighting anyway, praying for that small ounce of hope that he’d come out on top. That little confidence landed his hand on your neck, squeezing tightly and digging his nails into your skin. 

The world seemed to have slowed down for Jay, his heart rate racing at seeing E’s grip on you and the way he lifted you up in the air. 

“You’re the one Dorian almost killed,” E laughed with a tilt of his head, “Even with the scars gone I can still see them burning deep within.” 

You gripped your hands onto his wrist, clawing at his skin in hopes of breaking free. You were losing oxygen and fast, gasping for air while fighting against him. 

Jay’s jaw locked, feeling that string of fate connected to you loosening. 

“Jay,” Heeseung warned, “Don’t do anything stupid!” 

“He has my mate!” Jay snapped and without a second thought, he rushed forward. 

E laughed, moving quickly in time with Jay. 

The only thing that could be heard now was your screams as E’s sword split down Jay’s chest and exited his back. 

Blood dripped down his body and out his mouth, but Jay kept his eyes locked on E, “You’re the cause of my mate almost dying!” Jay screamed, using his strength to break the sword in half and swing his blade to completely cut E’s arm off. 

The pain of losing his limb forced his grip on you to drop, sending you back to the ground and hands reaching for your throat to regain air. 

One moment you were beside them, and the next you were away, Jungwon handing you over to the queen and rushing back, “Jay!!” you tried to scream, seeing your mate drop to one knee as he gripped the blade of the sword and pulled it out of his body. 

Jungwon grabbed E’s remaining arm and pulled it, breaking it out of his socket. E’s screams now fill the battlefield. 

Sunghoon slammed his fists to the ground, freezing E’s knees down to keep him from moving. Niki stood behind him, placing his hands to the side of his face and pressing the darkness against his senses, him losing sight. 

Heeseung rushed over, blade in hand, and shoved it into E’s chest, “This is for forcing my pack and me out of hiding,” he pulled the blade out and thrust it back in, “This is for when Dorian almost killed YN,” he repeated the actions, listing off each thing E has caused towards his pack. Each thing that led to the events of today. One by one getting his revenge in. 

Jay pulled himself to his feet, taking Heeseung’s other blade and pressing it to E’s neck, the sizzling of his skin being music to Jay’s ears, “This is for almost killing my brothers and putting my mate through the bullshit she had to go through.” 

E just smirked through the pain, “Haaaaa, what do you plan to do now that you’ve killed the entirety of the royal guard beside the small amount that follows you, false king?” 

Jay looked at Niki, signaling him to remove the darkness from E’s eyes, forcing him to look at him, “We will remain as the strongest pack, keeping Heeseung in power.” 

E laughed again, “That will only go so far.” 

Jay shrugged, pressing the blade deeper into his skin, “We will break the chain you all created.” 

E’s smirk fell and it was such a sight to see from Jay. And Jay’s face would be the last thing E will ever see. Using his strength, Jay sent the blade through, gripping the top of E’s head and ripping it from his body.

“Jake!” Heeseung commend. Jake throws a ball of flames at the body. The fourteen of you watching it burn to ashes. Jay took a final look at E’s head and then tossed it into the flames. 

It was over. 

It was all over. 

Jay fell back to his knees, head spinning from the blood loss from the wounds. You were at his side immediately, screaming for the witch and elf and Heeseung to do something quickly.

The three of them patched Jay up while the remaining of the royal guard killed off the rest of E’s army, leaving an abundance of vampire bodies on the castle grounds. 

You held Jay close, “You did it, Jongseong.” 

He cupped your face and gave you a weak smile, “It’s over.” 

“Not yet,” the king said, looking over the dead bodies, “We need to take care of this mess and fast.” 

Jake smirked, “Leave it to me.” 

The bodies were piled into the castle, Jake unleashing flames from both hands as he set the castle ablaze. Not leaving a single part untouched by his flames. 

The fourteen of you watched the castle burn. The males held onto their mates tightly. 

Heeseung, Jay, and Jake felt nothing as they watched the castle that completely ruined their lives burn into rumble. Nothing but terrible fucking memories lay there. They can all burn. Completely burn. 

Jay finally took his eyes off the burning castle and looked down at you, staring at the part of your neck Dorian once sunk his teeth into, draining you completely of life before tossing you over that cliff. In a way, Jay was thankful the world turned out the way it did because he got you out of it. He’d still watch the world burn for what it did to you. But he had you for forever, and for that he was happy. 

He pulled you closer to him, pressing his lips to your head. 

“What now?” the queen asked, folding her arms on top of Heeseung’s that were wrapped around her.

Heeseung looked at the burning castle, then up at the sky, seeing the beautiful orange that came through from the rising sun, “I have an idea.”

—perm tlist: @alvojake @ikeuverse @woniebae @shawnyle

@jwnghyuns @in-somnias-world @zyvlxqht @aaa-sia

@wonniethepoo @addictedtohobi @eneiyri @skzenhalove

@fakeuwus @cherry-park @vousty @ladyartemesia @criminalyun

@cmoundiamante @enhaverse713586 @wondipity @lhsvibez

@jaeyunq @rikizm @kaykay11sworld @pockettwinzz @vixialuvs

@seunghancore @enha-cafe @ppanghoon @sunpov @zeeloveshee

@hxxsxxng @moonrisearies @brownsugarbaybee @nshmrarki

@vveebee @teddybeartaetae @kookify @abysofsteel

@aileeeeeeeeeeeee @hee-lvrr @lilyuwon @1309zip

—taglist: @jwnghyuns @en-happiness @honeybunnee @jaklvbub

[nohaijiachi]

I've been seeing just about all moments of GO S2 being put under a microscope and absolutely dissected frame by frame

And still I am yet to see anyone mention a moment that might be small in the grand scheme of things, perhaps not as character defining as many other that have been (rightfully) analyzed a thousand times over, but which was *so* important to me, and every single time I watch it I'm just filled with so many feelings and jhaghagha

(putting this under a read more to not spam y'all with a ginormous post clogging your dashes)

The moment in question is this (my apologies for the pics, I currently don't have a proper way to take screenshots of S2 and had to snap photos of my tv screen lol)

It's such a quick moment, a small blip in the entirety of episode 5, but let me tell you why it absolutely destroys my heart every single time.

First of all let's refresh our memory on Aziraphale's relationship with Heaven and Gabriel specifically, shall we?

The very first time we see Gabriel in S1, he surprises Aziraphale at a sushi restaurant. Aziraphale looks to his left, because that's the side where Crowley usually appears when approaching him, but instead of his boyfriend the familiar Demon, he sees the reflection of Gabriel at his other side, and he turns around with what reads to me as very much an "oh shit" expression.

In episode 2 we see Gabriel again, along with Sandalphon; they are flanking Aziraphale and leaving him no way to escape in what to me seems a blatant intimidation tactic, especially with Gabriel being all "hey you remember Sandalphon, right :)" and Aziraphale being like "Oh yeah, likes smiting and turning people into salt, I sure do! *nervous laugh". There's literally no reason for them to be acting like this if not to (un)subtly remind Aziraphale what his place is, and that he is NOT safe, not even in his bookshop.

Whenever we see Aziraphale in Heaven he is constantly standing ramrod straight, hands kept caged behind him, none of his usual mannerism to be seen. He always smiles like a hare being stared at by a hawk and the cinematography very much underlines that tenseness by both showing the impossible, cold and sterile expanse of Heaven in contrast to the camera being shoved right in the characters' face to make the viewer feel just as uncomfortable as Aziraphale is.

When Gabriel and Aziraphale speak in the park there's this moment after it looks like Gabriel is leaving, but he pops right back up in Aziraphale's space in an instant, causing the reaction we see in these screenshots. Aziraphale is clearly taken aback and tense, eyes widening which is like, fair considering Gabriel pretty much jump scared him, but that's rather the point, isn't it? Gabriel pretty much jump scared him. He didn't just turn around and jog back to Aziraphale to ask him about the sword, he purposefully moved himself up to him without any warning. Like sheesh, talk about terrifying bosses.

No Gabriel here, but just another example of how much Aziraphale does NOT like being in Heaven. When he gets discorporated and finally manages to stand up for himself, saying he refuses to fight a war, he still looks like *this*. Like he's one step away from just discorporating a second time and without an actual body out of sheer anxiety.

When all it's said and done at the Tadfield airbase and the four horsemen are gone, Gabriel and Beelzebub decide to go check what the heck is going on, at which point Aziraphale pretty much seems to be bracing himself, straightening his back, adjusting his clothes nervously and then holding his hand in front of him in a show of dignified quietness I definitely read as him doing his best to hide just how anxious he truly is.

Of course we don't see Aziraphale's reaction at being told to shut his stupid mouth and die already by Gabriel due to the body swap, and at this point is pretty safe to say Crowley has never shared with Aziraphale that little tidbit of information, but even not knowing the extent of the cruelty Gabriel showed toward him at the end, he still knows that Gabriel and, by extension, Heaven was more than willing and ready to murder him.

Even at the start of S2, when an amnesiac Gabriel arrives at the bookshop and then hugs him (awkwaaaard), Aziraphale looks like he's entirely frozen and unable to react to the improbability of what is happening, and when Gabriel asks him if he can go inside the bookshop Aziraphale's immediate reaction is to pretty much recoil with an immediate "No!".

Of course he is then forced to let him in because there's a naked man on his steps while the whole neighborhood is watching, and we get some many more little moments of Aziraphale anxiety emerging through his body language: The pacing, the way he sits ramrod straight in front of Gabriel, and him literally backing away multiple steps when Gabriel asks him "You know how it's like, when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything will be better if you were just near one particular person?"

(Because of course Aziraphale knows how that feels, and that's exactly the same reason why he's been so scared of Heaven for-fucking-ever!) (Also as an aside let me just bless Michael 'Acting Choices' Sheen for that smile that lasts a shard of a second after Gabriel asks that. You can pretty much see the word "CROWLEY" stamped in big bold letters on his forehead in that moment lmao)

(Also as an aside to the aside. Jon Hamm is just fantastic. Gabriel comes across as such an asshole in S1, but Amnesiac!Gabriel is a fucking cinnamon roll and he pulls it off so well ajahjahja)

Then of course we get the whole exchange about the 'something terrible' that sends Aziraphale into more anxious frenzy until another tiny, kinda overlooked moment hits us in the shins, in which Gabriel says "You're funny. I love you." And like, can't blame anybody for not looking at that moment without much thought, I know that that sentence had me crying laughing multiple times on multiple rewatches, but also... God, you can see the way some of that fear instantly leaves Aziraphale, the way he relaxes ever so slightly and ??? Aziraphale??? Is that all you need to instantly start trusting someone who wanted you dead? Who treated you like shit for who knows how long? (Why am I even asking this, of course that'd be enough, it's Aziraphale we're talking about, here.) Then of course the rest of season 2, he and Crowley having a row about what to do with Gabriel with Aziraphale insisting that he needs them, as his friends, yada yada, we get back to the initial moment that sparked this post.

We get there, Aziraphale's (eldritch) Ball and the romantic moment he's been working himself up for ruined, murderous Demons at his steps putting both he and all the humans inside in peril, and all he would need to do to avoid any harm coming to them is to give Gabriel up, and... "You came to me. I said I would protect you. And I will." Not just the words, but the way Aziraphale says them; voice lowered and serious, that hint of hesitation and fear at the start that melts away into full blown confidence at the 'And I will'.

It isn't just Aziraphale being scared by Gabriel mentioning the 'something terrible' at the beginning, nor the brief moments of cryptic recollection that he witnesses Gabriel going through-- It's that Aziraphale sincerely accepted to protect him, and he wasn't going to give that up. He is a Guardian and a Principality, after all.

And like, I see this and how am I supposed not to get my heart utterly shattered by it? If Aziraphale had rejected Gabriel, or treated him unkindly in any way, I hardly doubt anybody would be hard pressed to say Aziraphale did not have the right to do so, not after the way he's been treated by Gabriel and Heaven his whole life. But he doesn't. He is kind to him, if a tad long-suffering at times. The protection he extended over Gabriel is utterly sincere and unwavering.

And ngggggggh I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just. Love Aziraphale so much. Stupid, clever, anxious, brave man-shaped thing that he is, recklessly throwing himself into the line of fire for somebody that, by any means, did not have any right to ask something of that magnitude from him. He is my scrungly, and by God am I ever so excited to see how everything will play out in season 3. I want him to fully grasp that bravery and raise absolute -metaphorical- hell with it. Shine bright, you crazy bastard.

[eywamygoddesswrites]

— 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓷𝓽 — (sully family x fem!sully!reader)

pairing: sully family x fem!omatikaya!sully!reader

tags: mourning, getting therapy

warnings: lowercase intended, implied character death, angst

a/n: characters are aged up! this is inspired by that one tiktok audio and then my curiosity got the better of me and turns out, it was a whole youtube series and i was hooked on it. i've been wanting to make a fic based on that audio for a while but didn't know what characters to use. hope you guys enjoy despite it being angst ㅠㅠ

a/n 2: do you want a longer version of this oneshot? look no further because i will be making a short series based on the youtube series called "LUCIDS" and the masterlist can be found here!

word count: 1.1k

+ gif not mine. ctto.

y/n had been keeping herself busy for the past 3 months. she did everything to keep her mind off of everything. weaving baskets and nets like it was a project to give everyone in the clan, fishing for meals that can have her family full for 5 whole months, collecting and discarding every foraged stuff she could get from her endless walks, riding her ilu further and further beyond the reef just to feel something.

being the oldest of the sully kids was tiring but even being a sister wasn't able to make her feel anything. it was much more numbing than it should be. it made her distant from them.

lo'ak couldn't meet y/n in her eyes. it was like if they looked at each other, the walls they both built would crumble the second their gazes meet. it was like strangers being forced to get to know each other after knowing the horrible crimes they both did.

kiri was very concerned for her older sister. y/n exerts her energy beyond her capacity, does dangerous explorations beyond the reef, and sometimes come back with cuts and bruises, and how she would skip meals to finish all the projects she 'needs' to weave. she was overworking herself and in the 3 months y/n was busy, she had fainted countless times eventually norm and max were called when it kept happening.

tuk missed her big sister so much. she missed collecting pearls by the shore and being carried around while exploring the forest. she was scared at how y/n looked now. from once being a bubbly young adult who was curious and eager to learn something new to a drained-out, almost dead-looking na'vi who would kill people if she saw them looking at her weirdly.

if the three were concerned, imagine how her parents feel. it hurt jake and neytiri to see their oldest overwork herself to distract whatever she was feeling. jake knew how it felt like and he wanted to help his daughter badly. but each time he tried to talk to her, y/n would push him away further and further. she even hissed at him to make her point.

neytiri was angry and concerned. why was her daughter pushing her own mother away when all she wanted to do was help? y/n shouldn't push her away because as her mother, neytiri understands her more than y/n knows, or at least that's what she likes to think.

it was like y/n became a stranger that the sully's just allowed to stay in their home.

when y/n was fishing for dinner, her mind had been wandering elsewhere. her eyes stared down at the net she held as dread slowly filled her mind. it was like her sight was enlarging in front of her until she hears a distorted voice call out her name. "y/n."

she pulled away from her trance, eyes widening as her breathing became slightly erratic. y/n breathed in deeply through her nose and out through her mouth before her attention went to ao'nung, or what looked like ao'nung by the shore.

"hey there! just a quick update. tsireya is still swimming with the ikrans, who were gliding through the mountains on their bellies, then they ate an eye of a seaweed. now, the ilus and tulkans are fighting for some reason." ao'nung said, he was far away from y/n but somehow she heard everything clearly.

"oh… wow…" y/n says, clearly not understanding a single thing from what the metkayina had just said.

"how's your existential crisis coming along?" he asked so nonchalantly.

y/n was bewildered to say the least. this was the longest time she had held a conversation for how many months now.

"uh… fine?" she answered back but it sounded more like a question. "good!" ao'nung exclaimed back before turning around to leave when,

"ao'nung!" y/n immediately called for him, who turned back around to look. "can… can dreams also have memories?" that sounded wrong. "i mean, can you still have dreams even when you're dreaming?"

"oh, y/n. what else are memories if not dreams themselves?" ao'nung replies, not making as much sense as the question she asked.

"what–" "alright then, more soon!" ao'nung cuts her off before running off to eywa knows where.

y/n was left once again with her thoughts. she turns back to the net she was holding, only for it to be gone. this confused her and when she turned back to where the shore was, the next thing she knew, she was sitting on a giant rock.

"do you blame yourself?" the same distorted voice that called out her name earlier asked. distress filled her veins as she looked to where she heard the voice.

y/n's eyebrows furrowed. "what?" she asked. she saw herself, an exact copy of herself wearing human clothes that norm and max wear with a pen and paper held in her hands.

"well, it's quite common in this situation for a patient to feel a kind of guilt." her copy said, voice distorting more and more.

y/n's mind was in turmoil. "what situation?" she asked. the same dread she was feeling came into full force. her chest became heavy as it caused her to not breathe well.

her copy had this concerned look but the smallest of a smirk appeared on her lips, the following words leaving the copy's mouth. "the accident."

that's when y/n was transported back to the day neteyam had died.

she was there when he was shot through the chest. she knew the bullet was meant for her but he pushed her away and in turn, the faith of death fell upon him.

while the rest of her family had cried, she didn't. instead, she felt numb and angry. no other emotions filled her body except these two. it had helped her kill some sky people and some avatars when she came back to save kiri with her parents but after that, all y/n felt was numbness.

the heavy routine she placed upon herself became the only thing that made her feel something through the numbness she felt. it wasn't enough but at least it was something.

the same distorted voice came back. "it's very common for people to invent blame or create a causality" then the voice became normal in an abrupt manner, and her surroundings turned to norm's lab where he used his avatar and where they were able to breathe normally. "when in reality, it was completely out of your control." norm's voice was soft as he talked to the young na'vi in front of him, who in turn was staring off through the distance.

the forest where she and neteyam grew up, only for her brother to never come back home.

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 794: The culmination race

Pag 1

1: “There are people who you don't meet often, but when you do meet them you get along really well”

2: I heard that from a classmate a long time ago

And I thought “there's no way that there are people like that”

4: There's some strange people

5: It's funny, if they asked me now

Pag 2

1: I'd answer “of course there are”!!

Pag 3

1: “One of them lives in Chiba”, I'd say!!

2: One day, that guy was collapsed on Hakone and I helped him

3: Unexpectedly, he also rode a bike

4: We met again at CSP

5: Like me

6: he's a climber

Pag 4

1: We rarely meet

but when we do meet

2: We laugh

Pag 5

1: at the same silly things

2: Sakamichi-kun!! It's you!!

Pag 6

1: They passed the 1km left point!!

Manami and Mountain King!

Just a few minutes until they reach the mountain line!!

Soon!

Goo Hakogaku!!

Take it, Chiba!!

Pag 7

1: They're still neck and neck!!

Amazing, neither of them is yielding!!

It's a race of willpower!!

2: Until the mountain line

3: 800m left!!

4: My hands

5: are becoming numb

6: But I'll keep doing my best!!

Pag 8

2: Wh-wh-what do I do

My heart is pounding in my chest....

3: They're arriving!!

Huh!? They're arriving!? Wait, my heart isn't ready

Not yet

Not yet!? Not yet!!

4: Why am I so nervous....

Even though I'm not the one running

Pag 9

1: Even though the one who's running and having a hard time is Sangaku...

2: I'll drink this lemon tea the old lady at the ryokan gave me, and I'll calm down

3: Ohh, you're going to cheer at the Inter High?

Oh, and you come from Kanagawa!?

Yes, well

That's amazing

4: It's delicious

5: But

6: I'm stuck on one thing

7: Was it really a good thing that I came here to cheer?

Pag 10

1: One month ago

2: Kanagawa Prefecture, Hakone Academy

3: Ah

4: Class rep

5: Huh? From above!?

Huh, where is this voice coming from!?

The boys' toilets

Ah!?

Pag 11

1: Wait a moment, there's something I wanna ask you

Toi... ah!?

2: Huh!? Wait!? What!? Directly!?

Use the inside stairs... be caref....

2: Hop

Okay I get it, I get it, I'll come there

4: You know the other day... while I was running... a butterfly was flying,. And then I thought “oh, it's gone?”

And then when I went home and took off my jersey, it came out of it fluttering

What- you just came down the second floor so smoothly and started making conversation!!

Pag 12

1: Am I not amazing like a magician!?

Boys are strong...

Ah, yes yes, that's true

2: Is that all you wanted to tell me? I've been asked to go to the audiovisual room to bring these documents

3: Are you coming to the Inter High?

5: Huh

6: “Something he wanted to ask”

This year

Ah

7: “Inter High”

Pag 13

1: You came to the Inter High every year

I didn't know you liked road racing so much, Class rep

I...

2: I always thought

You even passed me a drink on the mountain last year

I thought

3: After last year's Inter High ended

4: I kept thinking about it even on the train home

5: that it was because I went to see him that Sangaku...

6: lost

Pag 14

1: I know it's unrelated... but, at the same place, screaming the same words

This year it'll be in Kyushu thought, so it's far...

2: It's small, it's a small thing, but if it gets in Sangaku's way

Hakogaku is going by plane, so it's easy

3: If he was even just a little distracted because of me and that made a small difference

(Win, Sangaku!!

Win, Sangaku!!)

4: Then I think it's better if I don't go this year

6: Because I want him to win

Pag 15

1: Ah, as expected Kyushu is too over-budget

That's not... ah... uhm

2: …. yeah, sorry

3: Well, I'll tell you the highlights

There'll be a camera, so you can watch videos

4: Watch it

The first day's mountain

“The first day's... mountain”

5: I think Sakamichi-kun will probably there too

“Sakamichi-kun”... the guy with the round glasses

6: We'll probably fight there

I think

Pag 16

1: It will be the culmination race of these three years

2: “Culmination”!!

3: “Of these three years”...!!

4: Such heavy words... this is Sangaku being serious

Culmination....!?

Pag 17

1: We have to fulfill our promise, so I'm sure Sakamichi-kun will come

2: “Sakamichi-kun”... they must be... close friends....

3: I think it'll probably end up being our best race

4: A... are you close friends!? You.. you and that Sakamichi-kun!?

5: Hahaha

Well, I guess

6: Even though we only contact each other two or three times a year

And that's being close friends!?

7: I lost against him during our first year... Hakogaku ended up losing, so I resented him

But I was blaming the wrong thing, because after all it was because of my lack of ability, wasn't it?

8: Now we often talk after races

Is... that so

9: But why don't you send more texts to each other? Is- is he really a close friend!?

Of course!!

Pag 18

1: After all we both “like hills”

Pag 19

2: Come see me if you can save money

Ye... yeah

3: Sangaku's smiling face that day was incredibly persuasive

I really wanted to see you race

4: So I came

to Kyushu!!

5: But

7: I really don't want to move forward, after all

It's enough if I can just see him a little... from behind here

Pag 20

1: What are you doing

2: Hyaa I'm sorry!!

I'm sorry for not paying attention to who was behind me! I'll just lean down a little!

Why don't you move forward?

3: Huh

4: Isn't he

5: a close friend of yours, and you used to always listen to his nonsense?

To... Toudou-san!!

[y4z1]

Black, Stained White. | MDNI

Pairing: Bang Chan x reader

Synopsis: You and Bang Chan get into a playful fight when he finds out he isn't your bias, but what unrolls after your fight with Chan is a very not-so-bestfriend like situation.

Warnings: making out, sex, choking-ish, reader is called babygirl (duh, it's chan), fingering, Daddy kink, choking kink, spanking, basically just MDNI

WC: 1.5k

Chan was sitting across you, on the bean bag in the corner of the room, while you were sitting on your bed. His cute dimples and crescent-shaped eyes were staring back at you—cute. You were sharing a hilarious memory of you and Felix's disastrous moment of baking, and how you had accidentally slipped over a banana peel on the floor. His giggles filling the entire room, it was like heaven to your ears. You loved nothing more than hearing Chan happy.

Out of all the people you'd met, you loved Chan the most. You appreciated that he loved you for who you are, unlike others. Throughout your relationship of several years, Chan had always been the one putting a smile on your face. And so, you did the same for him. You really can't recall a single memory where you guys aren't dying of laughter on the floor.

After recollecting yourself and taking a few deep breaths, you finally looked back at him—and bursted out laughing, again. "I'm so sorry, I'm actually so sorry I'll stop"

5 minutes pass and you finally stopped laughing. Chan got up and stretched his arms out, he was wearing a full black outfit. He slipped his beanie off and his orange curly hair poofed out which looked, not to mention, so damn attractive.

He'd dyed his hair plenty of times, but I guess since it's been a while you'd never realized how much you'd craved seeing orange-haired Chan.

His eyes perked up at your and his body facing you. His eyebrows furrowed and head tilted. "Hey, I've never asked you, who's your bias?"

You smiled and blushed at the thought of your bias—or seungmin, specifically. But you couldn't tell him that, what if he tells the other members and then they feel like they're not good enough or just not loved.

"I like all the members", you'd thought you'd gotten away with it but deep down you knew your lies were pretty obvious, and the guilt was plastered on your face.

"Stop lying, I know you have a bias". He was smiling at you again, inching closer by the second. His sexy, deep, Australian accent making your heart beat even faster as if it's not about to already jump out of your body.

You were scared, guilty, and flustered all at the same time. And he could clearly tell. "I won't tell anyone" he said with a warm smile to calm you down a little. And he kept his promises, he really did, he kept all of them in fact.

Without a second thought, you looked at him in the eyes. "It's seungmin...", you fidgeted with your hands. A shocked look on his face, "SEUNGMIN?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEE KNOW BIASED", now you were the one with the shocked face. "Lee know?! What makes you think that?!" You replied. He widened his eyes and his signature dimpled smile on his face, "your murderous personality"

You chuckled "wow. Okay but listen, by bias I just mean that seungmin is the one who catches my eye the most. I don't have a real bias because it just changes every 3 days. These days its been you in my mind all day" you covered your mouth and your eyes widened realizing what you'd just said.

He smirked at you, from what you could tell from the corner of your eye. He ruffled your hair, "awwwww that's cute, you love me that much". He was teasing you. In response you smacked his hand away. But, it just made the situation worse, he pushed you onto your back and hovered over you.

It turned into a fight of him trying to get his hands on your body as a way of teasing and you just yanking his hands away, though eventually it stopped when he stared at you with dark, lustful eyes.

His deep brown eyes stared back at you. Everything around you, erased. All you could see was him, and you. His veiny arms were around your head, pinning your body into the mattress.

Your eyes travelled down to his lips. It was as if his lips were pulling you in and you couldn't escape them. They were a soft shade of cherry red, and heart shaped. His bottom lip was tucked under his teeth.

Without even realizing how or when, you were centimeters close. His lips, still bringing you in, until both your lips finally touched and brought each other in for a slow, savory kiss.

He pulled back, getting confirmation that it was okay to go on further. You gave him an approval nod and smile, going in for another kiss. This time a more intimate and longing one.

Eventually, it turned into a full-on make out session. Your hands roaming eachothers body.

You both pulled away from lack of oxygen, and his left hand snaked around your thigh while he brought his lips closer to your inner thigh, gliding his soft lips up and down.

He left one or two hickeys along the process, making sure to mark his territory.

He inched closer and closer, until his face was less than a centimeter away from your heat. In a teasing motion, he lifted his long, slender fingers and traced your folds up and down through your soaked panties.

"so soaked for me, huh babygirl?" He said in a deep, raspy voice, making you even wetter than you already were. He knew the effect he had on you, and he used it to an advantage. He knew every single one of your kinks, every one of your turn-on's.

He eyes were on you the whole time, making sure you were okay with going further.

He teased you over and over again, you were starting to lose patience and he knew that. Nonetheless, you stared at him with doe eyes, knowing that'd drive him crazy.

Your panties to the side in seconds, while he slipped two fingers in, receiving a satisfied moan in return. Three thrusts and he pulled out, smirking at you. You whined and tried other devious tricks on him that you were sure would drive him insane. But damn did he have self control.

There was one trick you hadn't tried though. You'd always known he had a daddy kink, well who didn't—it's literally Chan we're talking about.

You put on a little pout and doe eyes for him, tilting your head. "Please, daddy?" You know that did it for him when he bit his lip and smirked even harder.

An unexpected slap to your ass caught you off guard. You gasped at the stinging pain. "Say it again, babygirl "

"p-please daddy?" A tear making its way down the side of your face.

Though he'd put up a cold persona, he'd made sure to not hurt you in anyway by slowly entering into your heat.

Your walls clenched around him and you wanted more. Patience long forgotten, all you wanted was his massive dick thrusting in and out of you at a godly pace.

And he fulfilled your desires, thrusting in and out of you, right as you adjusted to his length. His left hand wrapped around your neck tightly. You could barely breathe but he knew you so well, he knew it was one of your kinks.

You could feel the similar knot tie itself in your stomach, and within seconds that knot untied itself. You came together at the same time, staining the black sheets white.

He collapsed on top of you, while you ran your hand through his curls. You both laid in bed for a while until you regained your energy to go and shower.

Chan got up first, walking over to the bathtub and turning on the hot water. He made sure the water was the right temperature, and made his way towards you, carrying you bridal style. You giggled to yourself. "What's so funny" he asked with a small smile on his face. "Nothing, don't worry."

He laid you into the bathtub gently. He was walking back towards your bedroom, and damn did bro have a whole bakery back there (bet his back hurts from carrying the whole kpop industry and that humongous a-). Your eyes perked up at him and you asked "you're not getting in?". He stopped and looked back at you, "no, haha you can wash up first"

You got up and took one leg out of the bathtub, reaching for his hand. You pulled him down into the bathtub with you, water splashing everywhere.

He looked at you with wide eyes and an open mouth, "did you just try to drown me?". You giggled and responded, "hey I thought you could swim"

He put on a bland expression, trying to hide that smile that wanted to take over his face "yeah I'm gonna swim in like, half a foot of water"

Whether you were taking a bath, cuddling, or even at work, your bickering never stopped.

A/N: Wrote this at like 2 AM only cuz if I were to continue it later, it would be chilling in my drafts for years.

[pali-writes-atiny-bit]

Going Dumb

Pairing: mean Dom!Seungmin x brat puppy!reader (assumed AFAB)

Summary: What happens when you agree to give your boyfriend Seungmin control of your orgasm for the week and then go back on your word.

WC: 2.5k

Genre: smut

Content Warning: heavy themes of BDSM and pet play, orgasm control/denial, edging, remote controlled vibrator, collar/leash, pet names (hers: good girl, beautiful girl, Pup, Puppy; his: Minnie, Min, Master), spanking, anal play, squirting, brief mentions of aftercare (please keep in mind that extensive aftercare is very important in scenes like these), degradation

Nets: @mirohs-aurora-society @neverendingdreams-net

A/N: a few months ago @skzdust and I were obsessed with short hair Seungmin. I listened to Going Dumb ft Stray Kids and it's like...totally a sex song. I just had to write something featuring Seungmin.

Please check out their fic here!

You went through all the trouble of breaking the rules, and you still didn't even get to cum without your Master.”

You bite back a moan and let your knees fall together, squeezing your thighs together. Despite your efforts, a whimper escapes you as when you feel the slick that is beginning to coat them. Your walls rapidly clench and unclench around the intruding vibrator pulsing against your g-spot. The vibrator suddenly ramps up to the highest setting and you squeal. Pleasure coils tight low in your belly. Your hands desperately clutch fistfuls of your skirt and your thighs tense and quiver with the strain of fighting off your impending orgasm.

When the vibrations suddenly stop, you sag into the pillows behind you, letting out a huff that's simultaneously a sigh of relief and a petulant whine at yet another stolen orgasm. You pant heavily.

“That's it. That's my good girl, my beautiful girl,” Seungmin coos at you from the laptop in front of you.

“Please, Minnie,” you plead - for relief or release you do not know.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he tuts, smirking through the screen. “That's not what you should be calling me, Puppy.”

“I'm sorry, Master, please,” you say, eyes lowering.

He ponders, “I don't think so,” you pout but he continues. “Hold on until tomorrow, and I'll reward you. I need to go now, Pup. Be good. I love you.”

You respond in kind before ending the call and shutting the laptop. You flop backwards in the pillows, closing your eyes and letting the last dregs of arousal fade from your body.

You and Seungmin have been dating for a few years now. About a year ago you had started introducing elements of BDSM into your relationship to spice up the bedroom (not that your sex life really needed the help). While neither of you were necessarily into the 24/7 total power exchange, you enjoyed submitting to Seungmin now and again as much as he enjoyed dominating you.

Currently, he is gone for the week, traveling for schedules. Before he left, he had gifted you this vibrator which could be controlled from a long distance when synced over the wifi. He challenged you to give him control over all of your orgasms - he decided when, where, and how many you would get.

The first night, you both tested the waters. When he video called you and asked you to put the vibrator in, you were quick to comply. He cycled through the different vibration patterns and strength, watching your reactions carefully. Even through a camera lens he could read every single tell her body had; the way her lips curled, her eyelids fluttered, or muscles twitched. Taking his time, he gently edged you to two powerful orgasms - giving in easily when you begged him for release.

The second night, he sent you into overstimulation with 5 orgasms in quick succession. Through each of them, he kept the vibrator steadily thrumming on the lowest setting, never letting you come down completely. You were so sensitive after the third time you came that you couldn't even be certain your fourth and fifth climaxes were separate. You had begged him to turn the vibrator off. When you ended the call that night you were a shuddering puddle.

Each night since he has edged you ruthlessly, bringing you to the summit of your pleasure but denying your release. Sometimes he only brings you to the precipice once, like tonight. Other times, he has brought you to the edge two or three times. Tonight was the fourth night in a row of being denied and your body is wound so tightly.

You want so badly to relieve yourself but you refrain. Seungmin returns tomorrow. Surely he'll reward your obedience.

The next day, you come home from work in a terrible mood. The cafe you work at was short staffed through the entire lunch rush, a customer spilled hot coffee all over your uniform, and somehow your till came up almost $20 short. This isn't the first time money has been found missing, from your till specifically. You suspect one of your coworkers is stealing, but you have no definitive proof so you have been unable to pinpoint the person responsible. You let out a heavy sigh and run a hand through your hair. You know the money will come out of your next paycheck.

You don't need the money per say - Seungmin has been adamant that you should allow him to take care of all of the bills. You both know he makes more than enough to keep you both comfortable. It's just the principle of it. You don't want to have to rely on him to take care of you. Even if it is irrational, it makes you feel like you are taking advantage of his status as an idol.

You wish it didn't, but the whole situation stresses you out. Your racing thoughts begin jumbling in your brain and suddenly your uniform feels too tight. All of your focus shifts to your skin and the way it seems to prickle and itch. You pull uncomfortably at the fabric but you find no relief. Finally, you decide to just strip off the clothing and take a shower to rinse the day - and the coffee - away.

Even after the shower you still don't feel relaxed. You're just stressed. Tense. Wound tight like a watch spring.

You know exactly what would help release the tension and make you feel better. The past four nights of edging have definitely taken a toll on you. It’s been years since you went this long without an orgasm. Before you and Seungmin started dating you often masturbated to help relieve your stress. And since then you haven't had to worry about taking care of those needs yourself. Seungmin's sex drive is as high, if not higher than your own.

Stepping out of the shower, you take a look at the clock on your nightstand. It's just after 3 in the afternoon. You're not expecting Seungmin back until around 7. You bite your lip as you think - 4 hours would be plenty of time for you to take your time rubbing one out and disposing of the evidence. On the other hand, Seungming would surely punish you if he found out you gave yourself an orgasm after agreeing to hand over control to him. Still, after pondering for a few minutes you decide that you could risk chasing your release and Seungmin would be none the wiser.

You drop the towel you had wrapped around yourself, grab your favorite vibrator, and climb onto the bed. You arrange the pillows against the headboard in the center of the mattress and lean back against them. In this position you’re not quite sitting up, not quite laying down. Taking a minute to just breathe and tune into your body, you rest your feet flat on the bed before letting your knees fall open.

You set the vibrator on the bed next to you and begin caressing yourself. Starting from your thighs, you slowly drag your palms up. Feeling first the soft flesh of your hips, then your belly, and finally your breasts. You let your fingertips ghost over your nipples before repeating the sequence of motions.

By your third pass, your nipples are stiff peaks and you're beginning to feel the familiar tingling between your legs. You reach for your trusty vibrator. You switch it onto the lowest setting and a quiet hum fills the room.

With one hand you play with your breast, alternating between softly squeezing the mound and teasing the nipple with your fingers. You softly pinch the nub between your thumb and forefinger - sometimes rolling it between your fingers and other times tugging it gently. The actions send soft jolts of pleasure through your body to your pussy which begins to moisten.

Continuing to play with your breast, you begin teasing your pussy with the tip of the vibrator. Tracing first the contours of your outer lips before dragging it up through your inner lips and just barely grazing the hood of your clit. You repeat the actions, slowly working your body up until your clit protrudes from its hood and slick begins to trickle from your entrance.

You turn the vibrator up and when you touch it directly to your clit you can't help the moan that escapes you. You continue to play with yourself. You alternate between dipping the vibrator into your dripping cunt to lubricate it and circling it around your clit.

You turn the vibrator up to the highest setting and throw your other arm over your eyes. When you touch it to your clit again your whole body tenses as pleasure surges through your body. You're too engrossed in the buzzing of the vibrator and your own moans to hear the front door unlock.

Just before you're about to cum, you hear a low voice at the bedroom door, “Oh someone's been a very naughty Puppy.”

Startled, your eyes fly open and you let out a scream. Seungmin stands in the doorway - it seems he came home early and caught you red handed.

You know there is no way you can possibly talk your way out of this so when he drops his bag and points at his feet, you're quick to obey. You scramble off the bed and kneel at his feet. You sit back on your heels, spreading your legs a little wider than shoulder width, and place your hands on your thighs, palms down. You sit with your back straight but your eyes down cast.

Seungmin places a hand on your head affectionately, but you dare not look at him when he speaks. “It looks like my beautiful pet has been disobedient in my absence. I think you need to be punished.”

You watch his feet disappear from your view. You hear him fetch something from the closet before he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “Be a good Pup and fetch your collar, would you?” He asks.

“Yes, Master,” you reply easily. You move to stand up, but are quickly stopped with a click of his tongue. “Good pups don't walk on two legs, do they? Crawl.”

You crawl to the night stand where your collar and leash are kept. You retrieve the items, hesitating only a moment before putting them in your mouth and crawling back to Seungmin.

When you arrive, he takes the collar and sets the leash to the side. He fastens the collar around your neck, sliding two fingers under the leather to ensure it's not too tight before patting his lap. You stand up and lay yourself over his lap.

“Be honest Pup, did you cum?” he asks?

“No, Master,” you whimper and he hums with derision.

“You went through all the trouble of breaking the rules, and you still didn't even get to cum without your Master,” he rubs a hand over your ass.

“While you technically didn't cum, you still tried to steal an orgasm from me even after giving me control of them. That doesn't seem very fair, does it, Pup?” He accentuates the question with a sharp swat.

You whimper and whisper, “No Master, it wasn't fair.”

“Very well,” he says, “let's start with 10 spanks. I want you to count.” He traps your legs between his own and clips the leash to the collar. He wraps the leash around one hand and uses it as leverage to keep your body flush to his legs. With his other hand he begins delivering the spanks.

You dutifully count and by the time 10 is reached, tears are leaking from your eyes, and your ass is a rosy pink that radiates heat. However, there is an undeniable heat pulsing between your legs too.

Seungmin gently teases a few fingers through your folds. “You're soaked, Pup. I think you liked your punishment.” You don't respond, verbally, but you push your hips back into his hand, chasing his touch.

“My good girl,” he praises, “you did so well. Get up on the bed, I have another present for you.”

Doing as you were told, you climb onto the bed and present yourself on your hands and knees. There's a brief pause before he moves behind you. You hear the click of a bottle cap before you feel the cold sensation of lube being drizzled over your anus. You jolt a little at the temperature but he is quick to soothe you.

This is far from the first time the two of you have experimented with anal toys, but he still takes his time opening you up. First with one finger; then two as he scissors them apart. When he's satisfied you're stretched enough, you feel the familiar pressure of a plug being pressed against your opening. You slowly exhale and push out slightly, allowing the plug to slide in easier.

When it’s fully seated, you clench around it. It feels different. Heavier. You move your hips experimentally and feel it move with you. “You got me a tail, Master?”

“Sure did, Pup, and you look so good with it. You look exactly like a bitch in heat, presenting your glistening folds to me.”

You moan sinfully and arch your back more. “Please Master, fuck me! Breed me!” you plead.

Seungmin wastes no more time. You hear the clink of his belt and the swish of fabric before you feel the bed dip behind you. He sheaths himself into your warm, wet heat with a single thrust and your mouth opens in a silent scream.

“Fuck, Pup,” he grunts. “You're so warm and tight.”

He pulls back almost all the way and thrusts back in. It feels like there's a tangled knot of pleasure deep inside your walls from all your denied orgasms. The way he drives his cock into that knot with every single thrust has you seeing stars. Pleasure quickly overrides your senses. Every thought bleeding from your mind except for one. Need to cum!

“Is Puppy going dumb on Master's cock?” He teases. “Does dumb Puppy need to cum?”

His words shake something loose in your brain. “Yes- yes- yes! Please!” You chant with every thrust of his cock. “Please, Min! Please M-m-master!”

With one hand digging into your hip, he wraps the leash around the other and tugs backward just enough to pull your head up, restricting your breathing slightly. As you grow lightheaded you hear him say “cum” and you let go, a feeling of euphoria washing over you.

Your vision whites out and all you can hear is the roaring of the blood rushing through your head. It feels like all your muscles contract along with your vaginal muscles. Your pussy clamps down on Seungmin’s dick like a vice, milking every drop of his cum. A combination of his release and your own spurts out around his cock with the force of your climax.

You feel like you're floating and your arms give out beneath you. Before you can fall face first into the bed, Seungmin catches you. He gently pulls out and maneuvers you both so he's laying down with you on his chest. He gently rubs his hand up and down your back, whispering sweet nothings like “good pup, beautiful, good girl.”

It's several minutes until your wits and motor function return for the both of you to clean up.

Seungmin runs you a bath and then changes the sheets. As you soak in the bath you wonder - was that really punishment, or was it perhaps reward?