#so then i make myself do things and that doesn't help

[crushedsweets]

CREEPED VISUAL NOVEL Link, tutorial, extra art, Q&A, some chatter

The CREEPED Prologue is completely free and browser-ready. Gameplay is about 10 minutes. Please read the "tutorial" and notes before playing!

Follow Y/N and their dog, Max, through their grandparents' farm and a mysterious forest filled with...less than fortunate people!

PLAY HERE; works best on PC

This visual novel is powered by GOOGLE SLIDES! It has 0 programming and was created by one person in a little over a month, so please bear with any "bugs" and clunkiness!

TUTORIAL

>Click using mouse/trackpad >Go slowly to not break game >Do not use arrow or space keys

EXTRA NOTES:

>Works best on PC/Browser, I haven't tested the full game on mobile yet >In general, clicking the PNGs on the textbox (Apple, Teddy Bear, Hatchet, etc) will lead you to the right page >If you land on a page that tells you to "go back," that's when you should click the back-arrow key. If your cursor disappears, it doesn't register the click correctly >I recommend moving your cursor periodically to avoid it disappearing and sending you to the wrong page

EXTRA ART

some WIPS and the original sprite-style i was gonna choose LOOOOOOOL

Q&A

Q: Is this an x reader? A: This is a reader-insert, but it's not romantic and I try to keep it as neutral and unidentifiable as possible! Q: What's the plot? A: GENERALLY AND WITHOUT SPOILERS, your dog gets you into trouble and you're just looking to help him!

Q: Who is in the prologue? A: Tim, Brian, Toby, and Kate! More will be added in future chapters.

Q: When will future chapters be posted? A: Not sure! This took me about a month to do, and half was spent over winter break. I will try to get chapter 1 posted before summer, but I am a full-time student, employed, have extracurriculars, etc etc

ok thats all i only remember 4 questions feel free to ask more LMAO

CHATTER(because you know i can talk forever)

ok i just wanted to be able to talk about how the process was with this and how i feel about the results and whatnot...

ive been wanting to make a google slides visual novel since i was like 13 LOL it hit the point where i was repeatedly told i should just learn to code but i was like NOOOOO ITS GOTTA BE GOOGLE SLIDESSSS which is totally stupid but hey. i think that gives it some sort of simple charm that reminds me of being 16 and doing little projects in my room LOL i like working with the easiest tools . my bad

anyway. im just very happy LOL. it's not perfect but i feel like i came full circle in a sense?!?! i've been into creepypasta since i was 9 and it comforted me when things were really hard, and when i was 18 i was going through a really hard time and got back into creepypasta as a way to distract myself. i've always had a habit of throwing myself into fiction for escapism when things suuucked.

i'm 20 now but i've met SO many amazing people, had so many fun awesome exciting projects with friends, created tons of stuff im proud of, felt more motivated to create since i was like 13, have been inspired by so many amazing artists/authors on here, etc. just so so so lucky to find community in such a tight-knit cute fandom that thrives off of creativity and playing around! i hope i can keep the momentum and make a couple more chapters this year, but im kinda busy with school and work...LOL . i'm just excited to have this posted so i can have more discussion about it T_T

anyway thank you if you read this far and thank you if you played etc etc yaahhhhhh omg ok BYE THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING im just so grateful to be in this fandom

[kitts-mechanix]

Oh my gosh....I might need a tissue for this....this very much sums up the cycle of abuse in a sibling dynamic.

@lexicorp, @ichbinmeltdown and I have been having a huge discussion about the Seeker Trine and the cycle of abuse, but this comic captures it in a very real way.

The drama in Thundercracker's show acts as a form of foreshadowing. Starscream barges in and starts treating his brother like dirt, and judging from Thundercracker's reaction it's obvious that Starscream has been abusive to him. Starscream only bothers Thundercracker because he needs him to help him defeat Megatron, aka something that will benefit HIM. Thunder isn't eager to do it, Starscream starts rambling off fake apologies and pointing out his brother's shortcomings (eg, "I've forgotten how sensitive you can be but I didn't think you'd actually leave over it"). Now that being said, I don't think Star's comment about how it hurt when Thunder left is entirely untrue, because I do like to think he was confessing at that point, having an inkling of regret--but even then that's only to get what he wants. When Thunder brushes him aside, Starscream cracks and admits he's sorry for everything he's done, names what he did and says he won't do it again. But is he truly sorry? Thunder doesn't buy it so Starscream uses his interest of the Earth to get him to do it. But it's obvious Thunder has reached a point where he doesn't want to keep putting up with Starscream's bullying. No matter how much Star pleads and begs, Thunder finally calls him out on his rash actions, like telling him that he's obsessing over usurping Megatron and shouldn't have tried to mess with him. He's had to watch Starscream constantly destroy himself, and his own brothers, out of self-interest. When Starscream realises he didn't get his way, he went back to blaming his brother and destroys the TV--the one thing keeping Thundercracker sane--out of anger. Thunder points out this is the problem with Star. He's done EVERYTHING for his brother but it's never enough, and he's had enough of trying to please him. Enraged, Star attacks him and calls him a traitor because he knows he can't get Thunder to do what he wants.

Meanwhile Skywarp is just standing there watching the whole thing and not intervening, probably out of fear. Star leaves and makes Skywarp go with him, leaving Thundercracker alone.

I honestly feel bad for all three of them. Starscream was HEAVILY abused by Megatron and he internalises that abuse on his own teammates, and even his own brothers (okay, I know the Seekers being brothers is a fanon thing, but I headcanon it). But to be fair, even his brothers--at least in G1--honestly kind of allow Megatron to abuse Star and even assist him in trying to punish or harm him. And this is likely more because Star treated them like dirt and less because they were afraid of Megatron. WIth this vicious cycle, I can see why Star kicked his brothers off of Astrotrain in the middle of space in TFTM. I firmly believe Megatron is at fault for fracturing the Trine's sibling dynamic with his abusive "leadership", but it was Starscream--the most abused of the three--who carried on that cycle.

Thundercracker is tired of the abuse. Starscream won't stop it because he needs to feel powerful and be in control when Megatron isn't choking the life out of him. Skywarp is too afraid to stop him for fear of getting the laser treatment.

I won't delve too deep into my personal backstory here, but one of the reasons this comic hit me so hard is because the dynamic reminds me of myself and my younger sister. I didn't have a great upbringing that I'm slowly realising was more abusive than I thought. My sister had it much easier since I suspect she was the favourite. To put it lightly, I was like Starscream/Skywarp and she was like Thundercracker. I'm not proud of it, especially looking at this and knowing my sister still sees me as this version of Starscream.

I really want to write a fic where they manage to break the cycle of abuse. I know, it's easier said than done and probably wouldn't work in real life....maybe I just want to give these guys a happier ending with their sibling dynamic 💔

It's a canon event.

[Follow up to this post.]

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: a letter from your future spouse

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: a love life check-up

return to the masterlist of pap/pac posts

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

pile 1

i wonder what you’re doing right now. are you chasing a dream you’ve started to question? laughing with friends who see only parts of the real you? or are you like me - reflecting on the strange twists life keeps throwing your way, trying to make sense of how it all fits together?

i don’t have all the answers, but i know this: our story is unfolding exactly as it should. the setbacks, the detours, the heartbreak - it’s all shaping us, preparing us for the moment our lives finally align. even in the moments when you doubt that there is light ahead, know that i see it clearly. you’re the hope i keep reaching for, even in the dark.

i often imagine meeting you for the first time. maybe it’s ordinary - a passing glance, a casual conversation. but there will be something unshakable about it. something in the way your smile catches me off guard or the way your voice pulls me in. i’ll know it’s you. and even if i don’t say it right away, you’ll feel it too.

right now, i’m still figuring things out. life’s been throwing me in every direction, and i’m just holding on, trying to steer clear of what i can. the funny thing about fate is how it works even when you don’t see it coming. every choice i’ve made, every chance i’ve taken, has brought me closer to you.

when the time is right, i’ll be ready to step up for you, for us. i’m not the person i was yesterday, and i’m still becoming the person i want to be. there is one thing i know for sure: when we meet, i’ll choose you - again and again, every day, through every celebration and every challenge.

yes - there will be celebrations. i want to laugh with you until we can’t breathe, to celebrate to our wins, big and small, and to hold you close when the night winds down. i want to share your joy, your dreams, and every quiet moment in between. you’re the person i want standing next to me through it all.

until then, i’ll keep working on myself, learning from the lessons life throws my way, and holding space for you in my heart. when fate turns in our favor and our paths finally cross, i’ll be ready to give you my love, my devotion, and my whole damn soul.

yours,

future spouse

pile 2

i’ve been lost before. trapped in my own cycles, chasing goals that felt hollow or moving too fast to notice what i was really missing. there were times i poured my energy into the wrong things, thinking that success or control could fill the void. but life has a way of humbling you, of forcing you to stop, slow down, and face the truth: none of it matters without you.

you’re the one who will make me want to be better - not out of obligation, but because i’ll see in you everything i’ve been searching for. you’re my anchor and the softness in need in my life, the one who shows me that love isn’t about perfection or performance, but about presence. when i look at you, i’ll see everything i didn’t know i needed - warmth, patience, and a kind of beauty that radiates from the inside out.

i know i’ve taken the long road to get to you. sometimes i’ve been stuck, unsure of what to do next, afraid to leave what felt comfortable, even when i knew it wasn’t enough. but you’ll be the one who changes that. with you, there will be no fear, no hesitation - only a deep, undeniable pull that i can’t resist.

you have this power, don’t you? to nurture and create, to transform whatever you touch into something extraordinary. you’re a queen in every sense of the word - abundant, radiant, and endlessly giving. i want you to know this: you don’t always have to give. you don’t always have to hold everything together. with me, you can let go. you'll be able to lean on me. i’ll be the one to carry the weight when you’re tired, to remind you how much you’re worth, even when the world forgets.

i know i’ll mess up sometimes. i’ll stumble, i’ll falter, and i’ll get caught in my own head. but i promise i’ll never stop trying. i’ll never stop choosing you. even in the moments when it feels like we’re standing still, i’ll be there, holding your hand, reminding you that we’re exactly where we’re meant to be.

there’s no moving on from you. no walking away, no running from the love i know we’ll have. you’re the one i’ll keep coming back to, again and again, because you’re home. and when we’re together, i’ll spend the rest of my days showing you just how much you mean to me.

my heart is your's,

future spouse

pile 3

if you’ve felt a restless pull in your heart, know that i feel it too. i’m not the kind of man who sits still for long - i’ve always chased what makes me feel alive, even when i didn’t fully understand what i was after. somewhere along the way, i realized what i’ve been searching for is you.

you’re the spark in the distance, the promise of something more. i can feel your energy even now, calling me to move, to grow, to become the man you deserve. i’m not perfect—sometimes i charge ahead too fast, speak before i think, or get caught up in chasing every wild idea that crosses my mind. but one thing i know for sure: when i meet you, everything will fall into focus.

you’re the kind of person who could make a man rethink everything. your passion, your curiosity, your fire - i want to match it and watch us both burn brighter together. with you, every day will feel like an adventure, every moment full of discovery. i want to know your mind, your dreams, and your wildest ideas. i want to be the one who makes you laugh so hard you forget to breathe and who listens when you need to share the thoughts you’ve never spoken aloud.

but i also want you to know this: i’ll be the one who gives you space when you need it. life isn’t always about the chase; sometimes, it’s about the stillness. when the world gets too loud, when the fire feels like it’s burning too hot, i’ll be there to remind you to rest. i’ll be your calm in the chaos, your quiet in the storm.

i know we’ll make mistakes - together and apart. we’ll say the wrong things, take the wrong steps, and sometimes, we’ll need time to figure it all out. but isn’t that part of the beauty? love isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up, learning, and growing side by side.

i can’t wait to see where life takes us, to chase the wild unknown with you by my side. you make me want to dream bigger, run faster, and still, somehow, savor every single moment. i’m ready to throw myself into this with you, no hesitation, no regrets.

until we meet, i’ll keep searching, learning, and preparing for the day when i get to call you mine.

yours always,

your future spouse

[sunflowersandsapphires]

alrighty, i come to you for your thoughts on frank or matt, totally cool with either, with an emotional and sensitive reader, and maybe one of thr guys say something about a quirk of the reader, they meant it jokingly, but reader doesn't take it that way. they get defensive or try to maybe change that quirk, not wanting them to find them annoying cause of the people in their life, and the guys are so quick to apologize once they realize.

idk, i tend to be sensitive myself and always that people pleasing tendency to change myself if someone makes a slight comment, or cry over it 😭😂 so hearing an apology through them seems very helpful lol

Hello dear! I hope you’re having a good weekend.

And I HEAR YOU about being sensitive. I’m a sensitive girly myself, which is why I wrote the Reader in my Frank fic (When Skies are Gray) to be so sensitive 😂 I needed an outlet. But I can totally see this being a situation where Frank and Matt end up with their feet LODGED in their respect mouths.

This got LONG so I’m going to put it under a cut.

Matt

For Matt, I think he would genuinely be remarking on a quality he liked about you, not knowing he was treading on thin ice.

Like maybe he gets home late from work and you’re already bursting at the seams, excited to tell him every little detail about your day. The moment he steps through the door, you’re squealing and darting to kiss him hello. Immediately, he’s chuckling, happily accepting the tiny pecks you plant on his nose and cheeks.

He lets you eagerly tangle your hands together, tugging him inside and towards the couch as the words start pouring out of your mouth.

“Hi, Matty! How was your day? Did you win your case? Oh that reminds me! I picked up dinner for you! And the funniest thing happened on the way home!!”

You’re leaving room for him to respond, of course, but you can’t help the sheer giddiness you feel every time you’re in his presence. Matt loves it, of course. It makes him feel wanted, feel loved. But when he brushes a hand over your arm and gently cuts you off, it makes you freeze.

“I can’t wait to hear more about your day beautiful. Let me run and change first, then I’m all yours.” There’s a beautiful grin on his lips as he makes the offer, but it’s hard to focus on that when you suddenly can’t breathe.

Matt might not have meant anything by the comment, but many people before him had. Suggesting you were too much, too loud, too self-involved—seeing your excitement as a nuisance. Your mind immediately goes to that place, the defensive little corner you always felt pushed in when people picked on you. The echo chamber of self-doubt that suggested you fold yourself into something easier to swallow.

Your heart is lodged in your throat as he leaves to change, your lungs straining to take in oxygen around the obstacle. You shrink in on yourself instinctively, sitting on the edge of the couch like you don’t deserve to relax, to be comfortable in his home when you’ve taken up so much space already.

When Matt comes back, there’s a soft smile on his face. One that quickly falls when he registers your stuttering breaths and downward gaze. “What, what happened, sweetheart? What’s wrong?”

He sees right through your little fib of “Nothing,” dragging you into his lap with his amazing strength.

“If nothing’s wrong, you won’t mind telling me that funny story then, will you?” You shouldn’t be surprised that he can pick up on the root of the issue that easily, he reads your thoughts as if they’re transcribed just for him.

You duck into his neck bashfully. “You sure you want to hear it?”

Matt squeezes you tightly, hands splaying over your back and shoulder. “Of course I do! I love listening to you.”

After your story, he prods a bit further, investigating the cause of the sensitivity and assuring you that he loves the way you greet him when he comes home.

Rather than avoiding it entirely, I think Matt would honestly compliment your quirks even more going forward. I don’t think he’d have a single problem dating someone who was on the sensitive side. I actually think he’d love that about you!! (Even if it confused him at times)

I’ll probably reblog with Frank thoughts! But here’s this for now!

[side-by-side-sideblog]

One of the things I remind myself of often is that people believe they are inherently good. If you believe you are good, people can convince you to do any evil and you will see it as just, because you are good, you can't be bad. That is wrong, to be good is to make decisions that like you said help others, and to do so repeatedly, but good can't be judged fairly, not by society, by you, or anyone.

Society isn't perfect so it can't deem who is good. People are not perfect so they will deem good people to be those that agree with them, or they like, or believe are better and more just then them. Almost everyone will assume they're good, right, and just, and those that don't will imagine people who they think are better than them. But good is a complicated thing, and what someone deems good is not always such.

Still, being a helpful person takes effort, time, being self critical, and trying to be in control of your actions, your emotions, and your ego. Its having the ability to know when to apologise and when to fight. You will never know if you're good, nobody else will either, such is the enigma, but, try anyway, not to be good but to help. You should help people, that's it, no reason is needed. If you love helping people, if you feel obligated, if help is being guided by a different emotion that's fine, but don't let it control your reasoning. Be the help someone needs, don't let good or love or anything else guide you, it can be there, but it can cloud your reasoning. You should help for the sake of helping. People might say you're good, you're just, you're awesome, but their perception is as fallible as anyone else. So help, worry about what you can do, what you are able to do.

Trying to be good can be endlessly meaningless, trying to be helpful isn't.

Edit: I would also like to mention, I am aromantic. There are many good think pieces about on love being said in the community, especially the loveless aro community. Love is an emotion, it isn't just, it isn't an undeniable truth. Love has no moral value, and people who don't love at all can always help regardless of the feeling. To love doesn't mean to be helpful, to be doing good things. Love doesn't indicate character, worth, or anything above. Just like how beauty and ugliness are all individual beliefs, beauty isn't indicative of greatness, and ugliness isn't low quality. Those are attributes you pick based on how you view the thing you find beautiful or ugly. And such is the same that rich doesn't mean hard working and poor doesn't mean lazy.

I always say, binary thinking is false, the world is always a spectrum, and when you know that, you will find truth there.

[euniexenoblade]

Favorite Music of 2024

You've been beaten over the head with every music reviewer's best of 2024 lists, so I'm not going to make this super long or robust. My top ten list, though it may have some surprises, will not be that shocking. But, I do hope that somewhere in this post you discover something new. There's a lot of music out there, be open minded and try new stuff.

That all said, here's my top ten releases of 2024:

10 - She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She by Chelsea Wolfe

When I first heard this back in February I was pretty disappointed. I'm a huge fan of Wolfe, her album Apokalypsis is tied for my favorite album of all time, but as she's gotten away from the sound of that album, I've become less and less interested in her work. The more she gets into doom metal and adjacent genres, the more I feel like her work isn't as original or as interesting as when she was a nobody ethereal wave goth rock musician. Her team up with Converge for Bloodmoon I did sort of refute this though, showing that Wolfe is definitely great in these intense metal genres.

When I first heard She Reaches Out I was surprised it didn't channel the sludge metal of Bloodmoon or the doom concepts of Hiss Spun. I didn't feel as captivated as I had with her previous works. But, as time went on, I would find myself coming back to She Reaches Out, and with each new listen I found myself noticing little things I hadn't before. Ultimately, this was an album I had rejected for not being what I wanted it to be, instead of actually listening to what it has to offer. Frankly, this is probably one of Wolfe's best albums. If you've never listened to her work, this is probably a very good place to start, it's easy to listen to and at 42 minutes it doesn't overstay it's welcome.

Favorite Songs: Dusk, House of Self-Undoing & The Liminal

09 - TANGK by Idles

Much like the previous album, Tangk took some time for me to appreciate - and seeing Idles perform the majority of it live helped tremendously. Idles being this 'leftist punk band that's also not a punk band and makes songs I have a hard time describing to people' have put out so many intense, intelligent, silly, complex albums that coming into Tangk it feels almost like a slowdown. Compared to Joy As An Act of Resistance or Crawler, this album feels slow, or quieter. And described by members as songs about love, it just feels like there's less going on.

But, as I listened to it more and more you find there's such pretty instrumentation on this album. The piano, the synthesizers, the word play, there's so much here to love. It's not the most hard hitting punk album ever, but it's a fantastic listen. And considering it's my most listened to album of 2024, it has to be included on this list. Idles has succeeded at not being pigeonholed as a "punk band," and it's fantastic.

Favorite Songs: Dancer, Grace & Hall and Oats

08 - I Lay Down My Life For You by JPEGMAFIA

Ok, legit, if you took Jpeg off these tracks and made an instrumental version of the album, it'd be so fucking awesome. I'd listen to it just as much. I adore the music and samples on this album. This album might have the best beats of any hip hop album this year. It's such a good fucking album.

And thankfully, Jpeg is great on top of that music. I'm not the rap expert here, so take my opinions with a grain of salt, but I truly believe that Jpeg is one of the best in rap right now, top 5. Possibly top 3. I don't have much more to say, this album is great beginning to end.

Favorite Songs: Sin miedo, Exmilitary & JPEGUltra!

07 - Chromakopia by Tyler, The Creator

Tyler is easily in the top 3. Yeah, Kendrick's number one, that's fine. But Tyler is absolutely one of the best there is right now. Whether you're getting his insightful deconstruction of himself and others like in his song Take Your Mask Off or you're getting his silly lyrics like in Sticky, Tyler is creating some of the best music and best bars in the industry. Beginning to end Chromakopia is an impressive piece of art. No one else is making music that sounds like Tyler, go listen to him.

Favorite Songs: Take Your Mask Off, Like Him & Thought I Was Dead

06 - Soul Kiss by Frost Children and Haru Nemuri

Haru Nemuri? The Japanese noise pop artist I adore? Collaborating with Frost Children, the indie trans hyperpop duo? What?!

Two totally different artists from two different worlds came together and made an EP that absolutely blew my tits off. Soul Kiss is only 19 minutes long and it's one of the best releases of the year. Please just listen to it.

Favorite Songs: Burn, Bad Thing & Daijoubu Desu

05 - You Won't Go Before You're Supposed To by Knocked Loose

I've heard so god damn much metalcore in my life, and despite a soft spot in for heart for the genre, it's very rare that a band can do something different or new within it. I also would never think to compliment a straight edge album, people in that group tend to have a weird sense of superiority, a holier-than-thou attitude towards everyone else. Yet, sometimes people come out of it being incredibly great people (or at least entertaining).

You Won't Go etc. is an anti-Church album. At times I questioned if Knocked Loose was a Christian band (boooo) but after actually looking at lyrics I realized that I can't actually discern that. The lyrics are definitely anti-Christian Church though. If they are are bunch of Jesus freaks, then they're really digging through their identities of such on this album and questioning what shape their faith takes (or perhaps losing it). It's honestly a nice theme that's thoroughly embedded in the album. It doesn't feel preachy or annoying, but angry and introspective.

And, of course, all this information is just toppings for the beauty of the music. This goes hard, full of interesting riffs, great vocals (none of them clean, by the way), and it sounds magnificent. It's actually really short too, so easy to digest.

Favorite Songs: Suffocate (featuring Poppy), Sit and Mourn & Don't Reach for Me

04 - “NO TITLE AS OF 13 FEBRUARY 2024 28,340 DEAD” by Godspeed You! Black Emperor

It's no surprise that GY!BE would make one of the best albums of the year, they're post rock legends by this point. The surprise is that they're great people who want to bring attention to the genocide in Palestine.

For many decades the people of Palestine have been under a brutal assault by the Israeli government. At the time of the new GY!BE the death toll was 28,340 - mostly children; a year later and the death toll is a staggering 45,936 - mostly children, mostly civilians. You can not call yourself an anarchist or a communist or a "leftist" or "anti-war" and support Israel's actions. Even now with a ceasefire, Israel continues to kill the innocent.

Help out if you can, plenty of people need help. Maybe check out the aforementioned album if you're a fan of post rock.

Favorite Songs: Raindrops Cast in Lead, Pale Spectator Takes Photographs & Babies in a Thundercloud

03 - Laughingfish by Black Dresses

Anyone that knows me or has paid attention to any of my 'best of the year' lists would have seen this coming. Black Dresses is one of my all-time favorite groups and I love all their work. And since this is supposedly their final hurrah, the girls apparently breaking up and ending the project (for the second or third time so who knows I guess), this album feels especially raw, aggressive, sad, and melancholic.

If you've never listened to Black Dresses before, please go do it. Whether this album or another. They were a trans woman duo that made some of the best electro-industrial music ever and if that genre interests you then you'll adore their whole discography.

Favorite Songs: It's Probably Fine, Zero Fantasy & Wounded Animal

02 - GNX by Kendrick Lamar

You knew it was on this list somewhere.

2024 was definitely the year of Kendrick Lamar. GNX doesn't hit the incredible heights of To Pimp a Butterfly, but it's catchy and entertaining. There's nothing I can say about this album that hasn't been said by a million music reviewers, so I'm just gonna be shallow. It sounds good. Squabble Up and TV Off are fun and Luther is phenomenal. I love the way SZA and Lamar duet on Luther, it sounds beautiful. The only real negative I can think of is that the music to the titular GNX is dogshit. Like, he had to know it's dogshit, so I'm sure it's a decision he made on purpose for some reason, but the art of it is lost on me. Honestly, my hate for that beat is the only thing putting this at number two. GNX is probably the spiritual album of the year. Probably.

Favorite Songs: Squabble Up, Luther & TV Off

01 - Monarch of Monsters by Vylet Pony

OK WAIT BEFORE YOU JUST SCROLL PAST ROLLING YOUR EYES

Yes, Vylet is the trans lesbian MLP edm and synthpop musician. Yes, she makes brony music (pegasister music?). But this album is so much more than that. Abandoning her usual style of edm or synthpop, she instead has created a marvelous alternative rock album (I've seen it both described as noise rock and progressive rock, both are true) with the lyrical equivalent of an existential crisis.

If you're unfamiliar with Vylet's work (that's fair), she often writes up these albums with intense lore and characters, there's an entire fan wiki just to keep track of all her works and their characters and lore. But, all of that pales in comparison to Monarch of Monsters, it literally comes with a novella when you buy it on bandcamp. There's no easy way to explain this album, it's topic matter spans from trauma, to suicide, to love, the zoomed out look at it being that the traumatized can themselves become the abuser, or at the least grow into something they hate to see in the mirror. All this over music that seems inspired by Swans, Black Country New Road, and The Mars Volta. From power pop songs that you can dance to, to the 22 minute Sludge that feels so depressing, overwhelming, dark, suffocating you with it's sorrow (a good thing, somehow) - the song equivalent of an inescapable dread.

This album is outstanding, and it feels nice to put such an underrated artist on this pedestal so more people might listen to her. There was no other album like Monarch of Monsters this past year, hell there has been no album like this in the 2020s so far. Please give it a try. Brony music can be good sometimes (I am now tarred and feathered).

Favorite Songs: The Heretic (Woe is Me), Sludge, & Pest

For my full top 50 list, click the read more.

Monarch of Monsters by Vylet Pony

GNX by Kendrick Lamar

Laughingfish by Black Dresses

"No Title as of 13 February 2024 28,340 Dead" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor

You Won't Go Before You're Supposed To by Knocked Loose

Soul Kiss by Frost Children & Haru Nemuri

Chromakopia by Tyler, The Creator

I Lay Down My Life For You by Jpegmafia

Tangk by IDLES

She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out by Chelsea Wolfe

Songs of a Lost World by The Cure

The New Sound by Geordie Greep

No Name by Jack White

Bright Future by Adrianne Lenker

A Lonely Sinner by Samlrc

Where Do the Butterflies Go by Dude Central

Absolute Elsewhere by Blood Incantation

SMILE! :D by Porter Robinson

Imaginal Disk by Magdalena Bay

13" Frank Beltrame Italian Stiletto With Bison Horn Grips by Xiu Xiu

I Saw the TV Glow OST

This Ain't the Way You Go Out by Lucy Rose

Sky Hundred by Parannoul

Brat by Charli XCX

Night Palace by Mount Eerie

Everything is Longing by Sonagi

No Hands by Joey Valence & Brae

Assembling Symbols Into My Own Poetry by Alice Longyu Gao

Hotel la Rut by Joanna Wang

For the Rest of Your Life by twikipedia

Scattersun by Fax Gang & Parannoul

Shinbangumi by Ginger Root

Bando Stone and the New World by Childish Gambino

Girl With No Face by Allie X

Digital Nightmare by TWRP

未成線上 by Ai Higuchi

Negative Spaces by Poppy

シューティング スター (Shooting Star) by Various Artists (Hello!Project tribute)

Praegustator by Kid Dakota

放生会 by Sheena Ringo

Unbound by Chelsea Wolfe

The Great American Bar Scene by Zach Bryan

Fission by Dead Poet Society

Moonbow by The Fever Haze

Concrete Jungle (The OST) by Bad Omens

Slash-&-Burn by Daoko

Bucchigiri Tokyo by Hanabie.

Lost Corner by Kenshi Yonezu

High School Musical by Crystal Tea

Hole In My Head by Laura Jane Grace

[zeedist]

HOLD YOUR BAG.ᐟ — ALHAITHAM

summary: he insists on holding your bag. sfw !! fem!reader x alhaitham, academic setting, short + sweet. word count: 0.5k proofread: yup.

"I am strong."

"Yes, you are."

Alhaitham nods without hesitation, the unspoken truth clear in his gaze. He never doubted that statement for a second, never considered you even remotely weak.

"I can perfectly take of myself, thank you."

He stifles a soft laugh at your determination. Are you aware that you are extremely adorable when being stubborn like this? The very thought of you insisting on carrying anything while he's right here makes him smile, just a little bit. These biceps of his aren't for decor or for you to lay your head on, okay?

"And I will still offer because I love you," he says smoothly, stretching his hand toward you. His tone is casual, but the meaning is clear. "Want me to take your bag for you?"

And there it is, the invitation you can't refuse. Your shoulders ache with each shift, and before your stubborn pride can poke its big head in the picture, you sigh in defeat.

"Please."

Alhaitham chuckles softly, like he knew this would happen. With a swift, effortless motion, he slings your bag over his shoulder alongside his own — his movements so effortless unhurried that it's almost unfair. A soft-colored keychain, a memento of your carnival date, dangles from the strap, chiming lightly with each step he takes.

You watch the bag swing lightly on his shoulder. It’s like carrying two bags full of books is the least challenging thing he's done today. Meanwhile, you're still struggling with the thought of taking one step more without collapsing — being too many hours on your feet dissecting samples might kill you before the lack of sleep does.

Alhaitham stretches his fingers while you're silent with your thoughts, just enough to brush against yours — spark you back to reality. It's an innocent touch. Fingers entangling with you as he slowed down his pace to adjust to the slower pace of your aching feet, gently guiding you away from water puddles.

That concerns him enough to tease you, though his voice carried more concern than humor, "Too much? Want me to carry you across campus and to bed, hm?"

You roll your eyes, but the warmth in your chest doesn't fade. “Please don’t. We were everywhere when you gave me a piggyback ride last time, people here are so nosy."

Alhaitham doesn’t respond.

You catch the way he smirks.

He’s not the type to boast, but oh, how it made him swell with pride when whispers of your relationship filled the air for a week. Each time he heard your name on someone’s lips, he couldn’t help but silently thank every star in the sky for the sheer luck of calling you his girlfriend. Oh, what a lucky bastard he was.

Carry a bag for you?

Hell, he would carry a hundred of them every day just to see you.

note: will publish the carnival date tonight or tomorrow. don't question why not do it before this part, my drafts and brain are a mess. (っ,-)

[petitepatateuwu]

Have some rants about my fav Sonic ships

Trust me when I say this is not what I intended to do for Valentine's day, but my access to the proper materials for my next big project is currently fairly limited, so instead have this (I didn't think I had so much to say I got a bit carried away 👉👈). This is heavy with aro/ace/aroace discourse because as an aroace myself I cannot help it, and huh, reminder that this is just for fun and everyone's opinions are accepted around here as long as it's respectful :3

Espilver is so wholesome I am willing to temporaly remove the aromantic label I put on both these guys. And when an aroace person is ready to drop this label for a ship you know it has to be good. (They're still both asexual idc tho)

I am prone to shipping Sonic with pretty much everyone (elligible for that at least) while thinking he's the biggest aroace mood ever (but I know I am not alone on that one)

Since I've started posting Sonic fanart, there has not been a SINGLE sonadow ship art, but I still really love this ship. Like it's mostly what got me into Sonic in the first place but I don't want to draw it (honestly I think my mind is just drawn to less popular things, I mean sonadow is already everywhere on my dashboard)

Because (except for espilver) my top ships are sonjet and surgamy, I'm basically shipping your two main hedgehogs who are sometimes implied to have feelings for eachother in a gay relationship with a green person with spiky hair and an attitude, and I thought it was funny because it was NOT on purpose xD

Speaking of sonjet I have like three different timelines existing in my mind with this, because I love the "they never dated but they are definitely exes now"/"they tried smt some time ago it didn't work out" narrative, but also the one where Sonic can be the perfect boyfriend and respond to Jet's needs and issues I imagined for him, and also the one where Jet is a total girlfailure of a man who tries to rizz up someone who has zero clue.

I have thought over and over about Blaze ships and my mind just blocks it. At first I thought it was just Silvaze because I was overprotective of my Silver's orientation (when I first saw it I thought "yeah he's aroace", and I'm not a fan of shipping a guy and a girl just because they interact with eachother and are close). But it's everything. Sonaze? I mean she blushed around him on several occasions, so what? I feel like she's just not used to social interaction. Blazamy? I see the fluff, I see the awesome lesbian couple (and I'm an Utena fan, I gotta love the pink/purple yuri), but it doesn't light up anything in me. Are they any other Blaze ships? Idk, but I can't see her with anyone romantically. Never has a character given me so much aroace vibes that the very forces of nature are preventing me to ship her.

Vectilla activates my brain chemistry like crazy. TF you mean the only "sega-approved" ship is between two grown ass people who are not even part of the main character group? And one is a single mother too? Like it's very simple but it's already a norm breaker in my opinion. Though usually a bunch of male characters have their own personally-crafted love interest, they fall in love for no reason and the love is immediately reciprocal because of course it is (*cough* looking at you ninjago). I think it also work because both Vector and Vanilla have their own things going on, and the romance is just a nice plus. And since Team Chaotix is already the peak of Sonic found family, it's also cool to think about the shenanigans with the children (aka Espio, Cream and Charmy). I am a strong Vectilla shipper and I will make you care about them >:)

[lynnie-s3all]

Yo wsg mootie!! I hope your doing well! Since you still have requests on I hope you wouldn’t mind if I sent another one in ^^ onto my request…!

May I request (romantic) Mafioso, 1x1x1x1, and John Doe with a Reader who’s an artist and is always seen drawing in their notebook whenever they can? and perhaps they even draw the characters I’ve mentioned and shows them?

Thank you! Have a good day or night!!! :-)

Edit: Yes this is Zyran in the morning because i did not do uhhhh stuff today. I'm getting breakfast for myself

You inspire me more than i do... my love.

Forsaken killers x Artist reader.

While he would be busy hanging out with his other folks, you grabbed your notebook and decided to draw him in small doodles.

Not just those, you also drew his bunny <3

Whenever you're finished, you would come up to him and show it to him.

He was impressed by the details you drew on him, especially his coat, hat, almost every prominent feature he has on him. He loved the way you also drew his bunny too.

"that's actually lovely, princess. Keep drawing more. I would be so much proud looking at them each day."

Whenever you had a crashout, and maybe really feel upset to the point that you don't feel like drawing, he'll step in to help and comfort you.

"It's not horrendous, lovely... What makes you think it's bad? You know how i appreciate most of your little doodles on your notebook. Don't give up drawing. Maybe take a break if you need to."

You adore him so much.

I don't really say he's the opposite for everything, but you know how he is when he's around people. Really annoyed.

Well, here's a catch. You doodled him while he was watching TV with you at home, he didn't really payed too much attention for you a lot.

As you draw the small details, he just looked at you, while you're silently drawing.

"Well, what are you doing in that book anyway? Reading...?

"No, I'm not reading, silly. I just wanted to show you something."

Well now he was curious.

Once you finished doodling, you gave him your notebook. He was pretty much astonished when you did draw him with his crown. even with that hair... Just how gorgeous it is.

"The details in this art, you did made me look pretty handsome."

"Not really good though..."

"Who says it doesn't, I'm going to check your other pages in here"

"NO 1X DONT-"

Well you two ended up arguing if he should check it or not, but he just refused to give it back and wants to see your other drawings too. Now you're left filled with embarrassment.

John doe on the other hand...

He really adores your drawing so much.

He usually leaves your drawings on the wall with blood on the paper, I'm not sure why he decided to do that.

Uhm. there's a certain thing he wanted to do actually.

Since he likes to kill people, he told you to draw him with one of the victims... blood.

"What did you do this time John..."

"Please draw me with this person's blood."

You were concerned for him. But you fulfill his request anyway. Also because you don't want to question a lot on why.

"Alright sure..."

Once you finished drawing the art... Since human blood dries up a bit fast due to it evaporating, you had to take it for a bit faster pace, but you managed to make it look pretty.

You showed your drawing to him, you drew him with red roses too.

He was very happy.

TO THE POINT THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY RIGHT AFTER YOU USED SOMEONE'S BLOOD TO DRAW.

[invisible-lint]

Fixing Spring: Chapter 2

Tamlin x Reader

Summary: Tamlin works on his apology skills

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1k

Chapter 1

You lounge in the chair, sipping from your glass to hide your grimace. The physical work you and Tamlin had filled your days with has been easy compared to this. It turns out he is truly terrible at apologizing. 

"Tamlin. For the last time stop explaining yourself. An apology isn't supposed to be about you. It's about how what you did impacted the other person." 

"I really think the motivation behind the action is important. I-" he's cut off by the apple you throw at him, hitting him square in the chest. He's stopped growling at you when you throw things at him, but still glares.

"I'm sorry I threw that apple at you. I'm growing tired of hearing you say the word motivation. It almost certainly will happen again, because somehow despite having a small army of older brothers, you manage to be more annoying than all of them. Do you think that is an effective apology? Do you feel better?"

He crosses his arms, glowering at you, but there isn't much heat behind it. 

"I suppose I can see your point." 

You smile sweetly, settling back into your chair. "I thought you might. And don't forget that you decided to arm me with the bowl of apples." 

"You asked me to pass it over to you!" 

"I can always find a spray bottle instead."

"I'm not a poorly behaved dog!"

"I'm not sure you want me to comment on that." 

He does growl at you then, patience wearing thin.

You sigh, expression growing soft. 

"Tam, I'm hard on you because I know you're better than this. I know you are more than capable." You throw another apple, grinning when he catches it. "And like it or not, it's either help you get your shit together or hope the male I unfortunately call a father doesn't decide the Autumn court should be bigger. Which neither of us want."

"Because you like me or because you hate your father?" 

"A healthy mix of both. Now try it again. Lucien is going to be here at the end of the week. I'm sure you can have a passable apology by then." 

You watch Tamlin as he takes a bite out of the apple, leaning against the desk next to your chair. He opens his mouth, about to practice his apology again, but hesitates, mouth quirking down into a frown.

"What is it?" 

"I don't deserve anyone's forgiveness. I'll still apologize to Lucien, he deserves as much. But when... if he chooses to forgive me, it is more than I deserve." 

You take his free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "We've talked about the self loathing."

He shakes his head. "This isn't self loathing. I'm reflecting, like you said I should. I was so terrible to Lucien. And to you. I sent Feyre away, knowing the fate I was dooming us all to. And then afterwards... I was so focused on trying to protect her, trying to find a way to break the bargain, that I drove myself halfway to madness with the fear of losing her. And then I did anyway, not in spite of what I was trying to do, but because of it. I have done everything so wrong, and hurt the people I care about most. Including you. And there are no words I can say that will change it or fix what I have done. I am so sorry, but that doesn't feel like enough." 

"No," you agree. "But it's a start. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it and try to grow so we don't make the same mistakes again." 

Tamlin nods, carefully nudging your chin up with the back of his hand so that he can look into your eyes, sincerity shining in his eyes. The tenderness of the gesture has your breath catching in your throat. 

"I owe you an apology too. I promised refuge when you left your home. And I failed to provide it. I hurt you with the choices I made, and I didn't listen when you tried talking sense into me. I am so sorry.  I do not deserve the kindness or help you have given me, but am so incredibly grateful for it. There is nothing I can do that will truly make up for what I have done, for what a terrible friend I have been to you, but I will spend the rest of my life trying.”

You ignore the way your heart twists when he says friend, shoving it away to unpack later, a small smile forming on your lips.

“See, I knew you could do it. That was a pretty good apology.”

“I meant every word of it.”

“I know. And I accept your apology. Although I do think there's one more thing you should apologize to me for. I was so right about Ianthe.” 

He breathes out a small laugh, relieved that that's what it was. “You were right. I should have listened to you.” 

“Oh, that's even better than getting an apology. I don't think any of my brothers have told me I'm right, despite how often I am. Lucien may be your best friend, but I am your best advice friend.” 

He chuckles, ignoring the way his heart twists in his chest when you refer to yourself as his friend. Now is not the time to think about that, there's so much to do still, he’ll have time to think about it later. You're tugged up suddenly, pulled into a hug. You lean into the embrace, wrapping your arms around him, glad that he can't see the look of surprise splashed across your face from this angle. 

“I've never appreciated you enough. And I should have. What would I do without you?” 

“Probably wander Spring as a smelly beast for the rest of your life.”

He laughs fully, and the sound has you smiling into his shoulder. “It can't have been that bad.”

You pull your face away from his shoulder looking at him with mock sincerity. “Tamlin, that was the worst smell I have ever smelled. And I grew up with seven older brothers.” 

He laughs again, smiling at you fondly, an emotion you can't name in his eyes. You untangle yourself from his arms, taking a step back as you realize you'd do anything to have him keep looking at you that way. The thought startles you, and you realize something truly terrible; you're still in love with him. 

A/N: It's been a hot sec! I'm hoping to get back into posting more regularly, like 1 or 2 fics a week! I tagged people who requested to be tagged way back when I posted the first chapter, feel free to lmk if you no longer wish to be tagged in future parts!

@mirandasidefics @makershoe @lilah-asteria @rcarbo1

[bi-bard]

I Blinked and Suddenly, I Had a Valentine - Dr. Frank Langdon Imagine [The Pitt]

Title: I Blinked and Suddenly, I Had a Valentine

Pairing: Dr. Frank Langdon X Reader

Word Count: 1,125 words

Warning(s): mention of burnout

Summary: Frank is stuck working Valentine's Day. His original plans may be slightly derailed, but that doesn't mean that he won't try his hardest to be a true romantic.

Author's Note: Real simple plot here. We're testing the waters. And it's Valentine's Day, so why not?

If there are other The Pitt characters you want to see on my account, then let me know. The show is new, so I don't really know what people want to see. I'm considering something about Dr. McKay, but I'm open to suggestions (I know y'all love Noah Wyle).

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I've always had mixed feelings about working from home.

There were great things. I had a lot less stress when getting ready in the morning. I didn't have to commute. I was always in a comfortable environment. I able to find peace and quiet when I needed it. I also never had to worry about forgetting to bring my lunch because my kitchen was down the hall.

However, it wasn't all amazing. I had always been an isolated person, even before COVID forced us all to be. I relied on work to force me to interact with people. It helped me feel a little less lonely. This arrangement also made me realize just how long I spent sitting at a computer or on the phone.

I was also made painfully aware of how long Frank's shifts were. I never realized how stupid I had been about his work before this started. I was used to leaving a little after him and getting home a little earlier than him, but I never realized how much later or earlier that had truly been.

Most days, I could ignore it.

I would work, eat, paint, and ignore how quiet it was through most of the day. But some days were worse than others.

Birthdays were the worst.

The holidays would be either normal or awful.

Today was one of the awful ones.

Valentine's Day was a holiday that was commonly met with a little bit of disappointment, but I felt like that had changed when I started seeing Frank. We had managed to mostly make time for each other, at least around the day if not directly on it.

This year had been different. My workload had increased significantly on top of Frank's work and schedule. I felt awful. I had derailed everything.

I spent all day consumed by my work. Even when I was able to step away to grab food, I would my mind was so clogged by what I had to do that I hadn't been able to focus on anything around me.

Imagine working so hard to be able to afford a place of your own- no landlord or big management company- and you aren't even able to appreciate it because of that work.

When I finished my day, I felt my body go heavy. It made me feel ridiculous. Being exhausted after sitting at a desk. How tedious does my work need to be for me to feel like this? How much of a strain on my mind is this work if I end up this miserable?

I took a deep breath before pushing myself out of my desk chair.

I first noticed something was off when I stepped into the hallway. I paused. It was like the air in the space had shifted.

I did a circle waiting for my eyes to catch onto what was different.

I found it a moment later.

Sitting on the wall was a painting. Not just any painting but one of my paintings. One of my paintings was sitting on the wall and I did not put it there.

I walked down the hall, popping my head in each room. There was art in the bathroom and the living room and the dining room. There was even one in Frank and I's bedroom, and I didn't even see it this morning.

I soon found myself sitting on the couch, hand over my mouth and tears falling down my face.

I had always talked about decorating my home with my art. I had just always been renting or too busy. I had dozens of pieces that I thought would look nice somewhere other than my office. And now I was seeing it. And it was everything I had ever dreamed for it to be.

What else could I do but cry?

"I'm home- What's wrong," Frank asked as he closed the door behind him.

"I... I hadn't come out of my office all day- well, I hadn't been paying attention," I muttered. I pointed around the room. "I just saw everything you did."

"Oh," he sat next to me on the couch. "These are happy tears, right?"

"Yeah, they're happy tears." I chuckled. "Thank you so much for this."

"Yeah, I knew that you've been putting this off because we were renting before but... this is home now. And I want you to be able to look around and clearly see just how much love you've put into this space."

I grabbed his hand, leaning over to press my lips to his. He leaned back.

"What?"

"There was a... bodily fluid incident today," he explained. "I cleaned up as best I can, but I would much rather take a very, very long shower before you kiss my face at all."

"Valid," I nodded. "Blood?"

"No."

"You changed your scrubs, right?"

"Yes."

"That's all I need to know."

"Valid."

I smiled a little wider before leaning over and kissing his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too," Frank said.

"Now, how about you go take that long shower and I will order us dinner," I offered.

"That sounds absolutely perfect."

By the time Frank came back out, dinner had arrived, and I had put a small gift on his side of the table. I was smiling nervously as I awkwardly leaned on the table. I was suddenly feeling significantly less confident about my gift of choice.

"What's this?" he grabbed the box and started pulling off the wrapping paper.

"It feels silly compared to all of... this, but you had been talking about getting a decent watch," I explained as he opened up the box. "This one had some amazing reviews, and I even saw a few nurses and doctors saying they loved it."

"Wow, this is really nice," he placed it over his wrist and clasped it.

"You like it?"

"I love it," he replied. "Also, 'compared to all this'?"

"I bought you a watch," I said. "You framed my art and hung it around the house like I've been talking about doing since I was in college-"

"And? As far as I'm concerned, the amount of care is the same," he shrugged. "You didn't blindly pick this out of a bargain bin."

I nodded. I must have done a poor job of hiding my skepticism of the whole concept because he motioned me over to him. I made it over to him, letting him pull me close and kiss me gently.

I touched his sides, grinning into the kiss.

It was the perfect moment. The best moment I had ever experienced on Valentine's Day.

I leaned back slowly. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too," he muttered. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day."

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Everything - @geeksareunique

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[redux-iterum]

this might be silly to ask here, but i think you guys give neat advice! i don't know if either of you have experienced this yourselves, but if you have, how do you get over writing anxiety? i find that i place too much value in validation and will sometimes talk myself out of writing something because i fear it's imperfect. is this something either of you have dealt with? if so, how did you get over it?

Perfectionist anxiety is a bitch, and this very much sounds like it! The main piece of advice I can give here is to embrace the truth that things you make sometimes won’t be amazing, and will never be perfect. Perfection is a lie creatives tell themselves is achievable. It simply isn’t. All perfectionism can do is keep you from being happy during the process of making art. It will never do anything else. The concept of “perfect” is your enemy. It’s just going to make you miserable the whole time you’re writing or painting or whatever, because you know what you’ll get isn’t perfect, and you’re striving for it anyway, so you aren’t having fun. And really, that’s what we’re all here for, isn’t it? Fun?

The main thing that’s saved me from reworking stuff over and over again is a lesson I’ve learned, which is being able to say to yourself, “Well, it’s not exactly how I wanted it to be. I don’t know if I like this one. Oh well. Moving on.” There is an immense power in “oh well, moving on” that will keep you creating even when you make something you actively hate. That’s not to say you shouldn’t strive for improvement, nor should you not attempt to do your best. What the goal here is, is the ability to step back from your need for perfection, look over what you’ve made, and be able to both critique it and accept its flaws, and then head off to the next thing. “Fuck it” is your greatest tool here. Ain’t the next Lord of the Rings? Fuck it. Next story.

Take it this way: you’ve learned something new every time you catch a flaw in your writing, which means you’ll do better next time. You are always scaling up in quality as long as you’re seeking to improve. Again, you will never be perfect, but you will be better than you were before. That’s something to celebrate, not scold yourself for! And the only way to do that is to say “fuck it” and keep writing. You can’t think yourself into greatness. You have to create okay stuff first and learn from those mistakes.

As for validation: attention from strangers is nice, but there’s a good exposure therapy in posting something and receiving crickets over and over. You get used to it and gradually learn to lessen its value in your head. I’ve personally been able to adjust to not getting much attention on my personal projects and art that I love so dearly, and just moving forward anyways, because I’m excited to do it, and that’s whose opinion I should care about. It’s the love of the game at this point for me. Importantly, it’s been able to teach me to find the true value in art, which is the process of creation, not the creation itself. I utterly adore making things, to the point that I don’t even really care about the end product anymore or the attention it may or may not get. Sure, I want it to be good and get notes, but what’s the point if I’m not enjoying myself while making it? What’s the value in perfection and attention when I’m miserable because that's all I'm doing this for? I’m the one that loves these characters and this setting the most, right? What else can I do but serve them as best as I can, and keep going as long as I need to? It's no loss if the entire internet doesn't love it the way I do. I'm creating it, and that makes me happy. What else need there be?

That’s how I think of it, at least. I hope this helped a little.

[not-poignant]

Hi,

I'm not sure how to approach this without sounding like an ignorant asshole, but I'll give it a go.

I'm from a country where the Trans movement isn’t very visible, and most of what I know about it comes from the internet. I’ve never truly understood gender dysphoria. I’ve tried to listen and put myself in others' shoes, but I struggled to be genuinely empathetic. Instead, I just tried to be supportive because it was expected of me, without really getting it.

It might sound silly, but reading Underline the Black made me stop and think… Wait, is this what I think it is? Reading Efnisien’s internal monologues and introspection made me feel something—maybe not from the same circumstances, but in a way that something inside my brain clicked, and I finally saw where the pain was coming from.

I guess what I really want to say is thank you. Thank you for helping me begin to understand and for broadening my perspective. It might sound small, but it’s something I deeply appreciate. I’ve been trying for a long time.

I do feel a bit foolish realizing that it took an ABO fanfic for me to get it… but at the same time, I was also reading about your real-life experiences. Or at least, that’s how it seemed to me. Forgive me if I’m wrong.

You have an incredible talent for expression.

Anon, until you know otherwise, everyone has to start somewhere. This applies to unlearning our biases and prejudices, which we all have for something, or many things, until we unlearn them. The fact that you've even tried to be supportive of something you don't really understand is still important, and still matters. It's a step into understanding, even if you don't have it yet.

I don't think it's foolish that it took you a story to realise what you've realised! This is actually exactly why representation of diversity (in gender, sexuality, culture, race, etc.) is so important in fiction. Because it's in fiction we can be free to explore concepts that are different to our own, or that challenge us, or make us see the world differently. This is why it's so important to know it's possible to identify with a trans character, or a POC character, or a character from a different culture to ours etc. Because that's when we humanise what we previously saw as like, different, Other, hard to understand. We go 'oh that's...really relatable actually, I think I'd feel the same way if that was my experience of life' or 'I don't know if I'd feel the same way but I really understand where that person is coming from.'

Gender dysphoria is complex, and different for different people. Being able to write it metaphorically through Efnisien's journey has been really interesting for me personally, because I've been able to depict both the inner conflict of knowing that your being is not...automatically going to be accepted as normal no matter what, unless you stifle or suffocate yourself, alongside the true euphoria and joy that can come with living as your best life, or your very self.

I have once seen a good analogy which is simply: Imagine from tomorrow onwards, everyone uses the pronouns you don't associate with yourself. You are bullied and mocked unless you wear clothing that is opposite to how you want to appear to others. You are put down and treated as psychologically abnormal for finding joy in true expression, even when that expression doesn't actually hurt anyone else at all. And now tell yourself that even your loved ones, when you desperately try to explain how wrong it all feels to be treated as so different to your true self, they explain that it's just mental illness, or that you're just confused, or that you don't understand yourself, and condescend to you, and treat you like they somehow have always known you better than you know yourself. And that's when you realise you might have to choose between your true self, and your family and loved ones who don't understand, or worse, hate you.

And then imagine that's the rest of your life, but it could change in an instant, if all of society just accepted that you are who you say you are! That all of your depression, and oppression, and suffocation could literally just vanish, if everyone was like 'oh sure actually, you want those pronouns? Cool! You want to wear this clothing? I like it!!'

And that journey is very tough in the real world, even in more accepting places (the US is clear evidence of this). In Underline the Black, I get to put Efnisien in a very specific space, and show the journey in a kind of specific way that isolates it and speaks through metaphor.

My experiences are different to Efnisien's, though I am trans, I never actually started out wanting to write a 1:1 trans narrative. Like, in this universe, "conventionally" trans people exist too. Efnisien's experience is a new thing, and a separate thing, but still - as we can see - a very good metaphor as well. I like telling parts of my story, but only small parts. I am more interested in...telling healing stories where I can watch a character heal and go 'oh I would like more of that for myself, as well.'

(Also, it's better to just say omegaverse, or AOB, etc. because a/b/o without the dashes is a slur in Australia, and while I know most people don't live here! We try to avoid slurs from other countries when we can. And we can only know to do that once someone tells us!)

But yeah, no, you don't sound like an ignorant asshole at all. You sound like someone who has learned something, and has gained more understanding, and was open to doing that, and honestly anon if more people came to something they didn't understand from your perspective, acceptance and love would be a lot easier to teach people.

It's so important to read stories about characters who aren't quite like us, or aren't like us at all, because that's when we realise just how much we actually do share so many similarities, and why our differences matter too.

Anyway thank you for sharing your message with me! I really appreciated it.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

(tw for alcohol use, feel free to ignore if it might be a trigger for you)

I think I might have an alcohol problem. I don't drink daily, but usually 2-3 times a week and it's heavy enough to make me stumble a little most of the time. I can never just have one drink. It was once just for fun but now it's also helping me cope with shit going on in my day to day life, and to pop open a few beverages at the end of a long day is something I look forward to immensely, so much so that I find myself drinking more than I originally intended, or I'll have some days with repeated thoughts of just popping open a cold one and getting very drunk. I'm trying to limit my consumption so I don't become an alcoholic, but it's hard when life is cruel and alcohol makes me feel so light and carefree. I don't know what to do, and I'm not asking for advice so much as a listening ear. I have a family history of substance abuse on both sides and I'm kinda scared right now. But when I can drink at the end of the day I feel like for a while everything's good and I love that respite in my life, when I don't have to deal with all the shit people throw at me. I wish I at least had a friend to drink with and socialize, but Im always drinking alone in the middle of the night and hoping to feel floaty and numb. It's hard to deal with. I'm going to hold out hope for the future though and know that life will go on. Trying to remember that I'll get out of this (and the sooner the better so I don't become dependent, if I'll listen to my own conscience) fortunately it hasn't impacted my life (yet) other than just spending a little too much on drinks or drinking one more than I should.

Sorry for the long ramble but thanks for reading if you have <3

I struggle with addiction myself (though not to alcohol) and here's a couple things I've learned along the way:

Even considering that you might be an addict is a really important and hard first step to take. I'm proud of you!

Addiction isn't limited to having a physical dependency which requires daily upkeep. There is also the concept of psychological addiction, which is more about how and why you engage with a certain substance than whether you're physically dependent on it yet. And refusing to face the question of addiction because you don't drink/do drugs daily will only escalate the issue.

It's easy to end up thinking that if you could just learn to drink/do drugs in a less unhealthy way, you can keep drinking/doing drugs. But once you've started using a substance as a coping method, it is very hard and often impossible to successfully go back to only using it recreationally.

Addiction is a coping method in most cases. This means that your challenge isn't just to drink less, it's to figure out why you're drinking and how to face and resolve the underlying issues that alchohol currently helps you cope with. It usally isn't as simple as just not drinking anymore when you aren't drinking for fun.

Addiction isn't a moral failure and it doesn't reflect badly on you as a person. It's a coping method that you have a genetic predisposition towards, not a sign that you're an unusually bad, weak, immoral person. And regardless of whether you're in active addiction, trying to recover or managing sobriety, your value and worth as a person is the same.

[rekino2114]

Hey dude, love your works and thanks for doing these x reader content. Also may I get a valentine's prompt 1 with min jeung. I remember your love confessions with the drdt girls and thought: lol imagine if min confessed on valentines day

Min jeung asking you to be her valentine

Pairing:min jeung x gn reader

A/n:Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! hope you enjoyed the event. I'm probably gonna do a few more posts for it in the next few days, but save the others for next year. Funnily enough today an anon requested a min valentine's day prompt that I don't know if I'm gonna do so I hope you still like this

"Uh........min are ok? You're shaking a lot"

"No"

"O-oh"

"What happened? It's the first time I've seen you so.......nervous"

"That's the thing I don't know why! I've never felt like this before. It's like when I don't know which answer to put on a test but ten thousand times worse, I feel like my life is gonna end if this doesn't go well!"

Teruko and Xander exchanged looks and looked back at their friend

"I.....see"

"So what is so important?"

"........You're gonna think it's stupid"

"We'd never, we're your friends min, and whatever is bothering you must be a big issue that we're going to help you through right teruko?"

"Uh.....yeah sure.....I guess"

".....I.....uh.....so you know how today's valentine's day"

"Yeah.......a girl asked me to hold the flowers she was gonna give her boyfriend but I made them wilt"

".....what do you mean you made them wilt?"

"I dunno one moment I was holding them the next they were dead.......and I had to pay her back"

".......your luck needs to be studied"

"A-anyway, what does Valentine's Day have to do with your problem min? Wait, don't tell me, you wanna ask someone to be your valentine?"

"........yeah"

"That's great, who's the lucky person?"

"Y-y/n.....but to be honest I'm the lucky one, they hang out with me so much"

"Oh that makes sense, they're so nice to you"

"Yeah that's part of why I love them"

"......that's it?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"From what I've seen they really like you too so I don't see why they'd reject being your valentine"

"But......what if they don't like me"

"Uh?"

"There's a big difference between if they like hanging out with me and if they like like me, I don't wanna ruin our friendship......it's the best one I've ever had"

".....oh sorry then"

"No it's fine it's just.....I really love them, it feels like they really understand me....the real me, they never asked me to do their homework or help them with tests, and even when I offer to help them they're always so nice and tell me not to overwork myself, it feels like they see me as......me...... not the ultimate student"

"Wow....that....must be a beautiful feeling"

"It really is"

"Then that's the sign that they're the person for you, if you really want my advice go and confess, they sound like they like you just as much as you like them"

"B-but"

"No buts, you really want to be y/n's girlfriend right?"

"Y-yeah obviously"

"Then you're gonna do it. You can do it!"

"............"

"Come on say it! You can do it!"

"I-I can do it"

"With more confidence, you can do it!

"I can do it!"

"That's the spirit! Now go over there and win them over with the best confession they've ever seen"

".....y-yeah"

Teruko just sighed looking at the scene, but put a hand on Min's shoulder and gave her a reassuring nod

"I'm sure you'll do great min, just go there and be yourself"

Min nodded back at her friends who gave her thumbs up as she went over to you with a box of chocolates behind her back

"H-hey y/n what's up?"

"Hi min, everything's great......."

You tilted your head noticing that she was sweating bullets

"Wanna talk to me?"

"Y-yeah actually, it's very important"

"Oh really? What is it?"

"D-do you.........do you......."

Min suddenly pulled out the box of chocolates she was holding and looked down scared to see your reaction

"Do you wanna be my valentine?"

"......of course"

".....R-really?"

"Obviously, you're great min, you're pretty, nice not to mention incredibly smart, why wouldn't I agree?"

"S-so you like me?"

"I think like isn't strong enough"

"........you don't mean you....."

"Love you? Yeah min, of course I do, like I said before, you're incredible and I love everything about you"

"...................."

"H-huh min are you OK......you look...spaced out"

"S-sorry, I just didn't expect it to go this well, so are we......a couple now?"

"Sure......at one condition"

"....w-what is it?"

"Can I......see your eyes?"

Min's pale skin became almost completely red at your request, but she still gave you a silent nod to make you understand she agreed.

"Thanks"

You used your hand to lift min's bangs away from her face and were met with her beautiful purple eyes

"Your eyes are so beautiful, I love seeing them just like I love you"

Min blushed even more as you retracted your hand and wrapped it around the box of chocolates again

"So now we are officially a couple, do you mind going on our first date today? I bet they do some cool stuff for valentine's day around town"

"Y-yeah I'd love nothing more"

"Great, see you then there"

You once again got closer to the student and kissed her cheek, making her explode into an even redder color than earlier, before turning around and waving at her

"Happy valentine's day"

Min couldn't even answer as she kept her hand on her cheek, still a bit shocked

"........y/n........."

She smiled incredibly brightly and giggled a bit, so happy to have finally found a lover and especially a person who could see and love her for who she actually was

"Happy valentine's day to you too"

[lightofraye]

Hi there!

Well, I try, anyway. It's studying body language and listening to people, to the point of doing it on repeat and driving myself up a wall. Ahem. Anyway….

To your question!

So… yes. A lot of Cockles fanatics like to reference the older convention videos because, well, there was more for them to draw on. It's also due to the fact that Misha wasn't that BAD. He'd make an off-color statement or two, drop teasers that he and Jensen were more when it wasn't true.

I think Jensen just brushed it off, if he was even aware of this stuff being said in Misha's panels. I honestly don't think he's aware unless someone told him. In fact, Jensen didn't know Misha tweeted that awful photo manipulated photo of him as a young model until someone showed him in a panel! In a more recent panel with JDM, Jensen was told of Misha fat shaming him and JDM just brushed it off as Misha saying shit. Jensen wasn't aware of that either.

He's honestly too busy, Jensen, to pay attention to half the stuff Misha says. And it's a good thing that he doesn't, because it's just so full of toxicity, bullshit lies, and pandering.

Anyway, sorry. Jensen and Jared were decent work friends with Misha. I think a lot of times, Jared and Jensen had to put up with it precisely because they were working with Misha. But as Misha's hours got cut more and more, his scenes fewer, I think was a relief for J2. Especially for Jared, given how Misha clearly hates him and is jealous of Jared's success.

As for Jensen….

This will be a hit and miss for some. I know some will disagree. This is my opinion.

Like @go-diane-winchester once speculated, Jensen is timid. He doesn't do well with standing up to others--I've mentioned this before. He failed to stand up for Mark Sheppard when CW decided to be an asshole. (Misha caved too. The only one who didn't was Jared). It also doesn't help that a lot of stans don't listen to him. When it comes to Destiel and Cockles, it doesn't seem to matter what Jensen says--they're not listening. And Misha seems to know that; depends on it; grifts on it.

Maybe once upon a time Jensen was a friend to Misha, but Jared? I think Jared saw him as the snake he was and made sure to set down boundaries that Misha couldn't break. Then Jensen began to rail against Destiel hard and it nearly destroyed his reputation. Misha saw that, knows that that's his money ticket.

The nonsense about the ring? Misha wasn't gifted that ring by Jensen. Misha just bought it, a fan noted it was similar to Jensen's and decided that yeah, it was that. That's all it took.

In fact, I don't think Misha and Jensen have hung out together outside conventions in years and the few times they were seemingly seen outside of conventions--such as having a snack in Jensen's trailer with Danneel during filming--were just that, filming. Misha himself said he had never been in Austin before the convention last year. Jensen himself said Jared was the only one his kids call uncle.

Why are the Cockles fanatics so desperate for that ship? I have no idea. Jensen and Misha have zero chemistry and Jensen is frequently seen sitting far away (and that "cute" thing of how personal space is overrated was quickly negated by Jensen immediately pulling away) from Misha, will try to move away from Misha…. While J2 are like damned puppies.

I think they want to believe it because Misha is feeding it. It's a fetish, not an actual "Aww, they're so cute together!" It's a desperate "I have to believe they're together because it's an obsession!"

Your ask was not long at all! In fact, I think my answer is longer than the ask, haha! No worries. Feel free to ask me more.

Keep in mind this is just based on observations of panels, a study of their social media, and other aspects. Not an expert. Just a layperson with a history of body language thanks to my upbringing.

I also decided to crop and answer, just to keep you safe.