#so then i had such a lovely morning/noon and then essentially have to navigate an emotional mine field on my own and it's??? not fun???

[chateautae]

maybe i do | kth. V

➵ summary :  maybe you love each other, maybe you don’t. when a deal between your fathers leaves you forcefully wedding kim taehyung, arguably seoul’s most powerful CEO, you’re prepared for a loveless marriage of eternal regret and unhappiness. but maybe, it doesn’t turn out that way after all.

↳  part of the high-class series!

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre :  arranged marriage!au, ceo!tae,  s2l!au, eventual smut, fluff, angst

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 17k

➵ warnings : swearing, A N G S T, descriptions of stress, insinuations of cheating, heavy making out, sexual content (finally LMAO), marking, breast play, fingering, lots of dirty talk, teasing, mentions of tae’s massive c0ck cause wbk, oral (f. receiving), praising, light name kink, some cute domesticity i honestly cried writing

➵ a/n: thank you to my beta-reader @hantaev, my precious english student who really helped with my mistakes 🥺 i apologize in advance for the rollercoaster ride that is this chapter, but i hope you’re still enjoying these two idiots navigating their feelings 🥰, as always, feedback is appreciated my loves!

chapter five : “would it be alright, if i pulled you closer?”

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Taehyung ♡ : Y/N

Taehyung ♡ : Y/N

Taehyung ♡ : Y/N answer me 

Taehyung ♡ : jagiya

Taehyung ♡ : baby

Taehyung ♡ : princess, answer me 

Taehyung ♡ : if you don’t answer me right now i’ll call you my princess 

You : Taehyung what the FUCK

You : you just dropped me off at work, what do you want??

Taehyung ♡ : how hard was it this morning to cover up my hickeys ;)

You : ... Mr. Kim, i advise you start driving before i come back out and kick you

Taehyung ♡ : why is my princess so violent?? jheez

You : TAE-this can’t be the only reason you texted, what do you acc want

Taehyung ♡ : just seeing if you remember lunch today

You : why are you so annoying? of course I remember -_-

Taehyung ♡ : just checking

Taehyung ♡ : i also wanted to say good work with the going on dates idea, media’s covered everything and we look really convincing :)

You : well isn’t that lovely 

Taehyung ♡ : okay i’m driving now, bye

You : TAEHYUNG WHAT THE HELL

Taehyung could only stifle an evil snicker as he turned his phone screen off, amused more than he should’ve been. He kicked his car into ignition, speeding off to endure another day at work until you’d arrive at noon, gracing the taxing place with your pretty face.  

And it put him in a good mood, fuck, a great mood. It was funny actually, Taehyung’s older secretary in her wise 50′s had pointed out slight changes in him seemingly because of his ‘Mrs. Kim.’ 

He was strangely more approachable, and his eyes didn’t always set into the hard stare he usually assumed. Instead of only flashing a tight-lipped smile to whomever he passed, Taehyung’s smile was slowly beginning to crease his eyes, and the hushed whispers of workers at his company claimed he was more forgiving these days. 

Taehyung attempted to deny it all, though his good-natured secretary Mrs. Lee would never let him hear the end of it.

“It’s that wife of yours, isn’t it Mr. Kim?” His secretary smiled sheepishly as she stood before his desk, eyeing him knowingly. 

“Mrs. Lee, I am not different at all, I’m just.. in a good mood these days.” 

“And it’s because of your lovely wife, isn’t it?” 

Taehyung teetered on rejecting her once again, though ended up realizing she was essentially right. He didn’t want to outwardly admit it, but spending time with you has oddly been loosening him up, and he didn’t feel so listless these days. 

His expression simmered into a small smile. “I think you’ve got a schedule to read out, right, Mrs. Lee?” His eyes playfully scrutinized her, and Mrs. Lee could only chuckle along with him as she turned her attention to her notes. 

“You have a meeting at 10 for the progression on your deal with Steeles’ Ltd. The Busan headquarters will also be sending their month-end report regarding construction on the newest building. The distribution team should be getting the status of your latest chips sent to Japan today. The paper work will be prepared thereafter, and your afternoon has been booked for meetings with Mr. Yang and Mr. Jeong.”

“Alright, thank you, Mrs. Lee.” 

His secretary vacated his office and Taehyung blew a raspberry, reclining back in his chair as he contemplated his busy day. He decided to get a crack on the current paperwork crowding his desk, believing his day was going to be just like any other, flooded with work he’d be able to push through. 

However, as Taehyung’s day gradually progressed, it did not go as planned.  

“Mrs. Lee, why was I delivered coffee?” Taehyung inquired through the extension of his phone, her desk on the other end. 

“What? But you drink tea, Mr. Kim.” 

“Exactly, so why is there a cup of coffee sitting on my desk?” 

“Ah, I’m so sorry Mr. Kim, it may have been an accident of one of the secretaries in-training.” 

Taehyung could only take a heavy sigh. The wretched liquid has always tasted like poison to him, and he’d always made his preference of tea very explicitly clear, so he couldn’t understand how someone made such an error, especially a preferential one. 

Nonetheless, he chose to forgive it and had the coffee returned, instead moving on to prepare for his upcoming meeting at 10. 

Though unfortunately, it proved to be another tick in his good day. 

“Han Co. offered a better deal?”

“Yes, sir. And I believe we’re looking at quite an exorbitant deal. Steeles’ Ltd. is currently predicted to accept theirs over ours. We’re in dire need of hiking up the price.” 

Taehyung pinched the bridge of his nose, puffing out frustrated air as he rested in his seat overlooking the grand meeting hall of executives. 

“Alright, we’ll draft something new.” Taehyung concluded sharply before adjourning the meeting, loosening his suit out of feeling like he was being constricted. He couldn’t help but become pissed at the mention of Han Co., returning to his office vexed. 

Fucking Hisung, jackass just had to one-up me. 

Taehyung had initiated his remedy for the deal, working on conjuring a new one alongside some of his team members. It’d been advancing smoothly until his reports from the Busan headquarters reached him, another hiccup he didn’t expect. 

“7 months? The construction is delayed by 7 months?!” 

“We believe so, Mr. Kim. Unfortunately the weather has been volatile, and significant property damage has been sustained.” 

Now Taehyung was utterly irritated, why did it seem like everything was against him today? He almost let out his anger on the man on the other end until he breathed, suddenly remembering the simple technique you’d once encouraged him to use. 

He decided to internalize his frustration since it wasn’t necessarily anyone’s fault, and was gladly already hitting the 11:30 mark of his day.

The thought of you peculiarly popped into his head. 

You’ll have lunch with him, he told himself. You’ll arrive at noon and everything will be okay. 

Taehyung acquiesced and simmered down. “Okay.. let’s monitor the weather and move accordingly.” 

Cutting the call, he believed he could catch a brief interval to relax before he saw you. You’d already seen him angry once, and Taehyung despised how easily he divulged such a vulnerable part of himself to you, not to mention it may have scared you. 

The last thing he wanted was his wife seeing him in a stressful state, the emotion regarded as a weak point Taehyung didn’t want others to see, because he’s seemingly never stressed to anyone. He’s a competent, powerful CEO that can’t be hindered by such a thing, and knows how to handle it on his own. 

He stuck to those exact principles as the minutes ticked by, ultimately cooling down until Taehyung received another phone call that would ravage his mood.

“You’re telling me all 800,000 chips sustained an error from the manufacturers? Tell me this is a joke.” 

“I’m afraid not, Mr. Kim. They’ve informed us after a test run they weren’t functioning as they should have. Trouble-shooting indicated it was an issue with the chips’ hardware, nothing internal.” 

“Who in God’s name.. allowed 800,000 faulty chips to be cleared for Japan?! Where are the final evaluation reports for this batch? What the hell went wrong?” 

“We’re um.. working on it, sir. The department’s been in shambles since the news.” 

“No fucking kidding. We’ll have to launch an entire investigation on the manufacturing unit that produced them!”

“We are deeply sorry, Mr. Kim. We will do better next time. We’ll have them send the batch back for further investigation.” 

“Good, I need something going right around here.” And Taehyung cut the call without a second to spare. He had clearly jinxed this day, because quite literally everything had gone terribly wrong. 

He would have to spend days cleaning up these tedious messes, pushing his other tasks back drastically and dedicating mammoths of his time towards work now.

Taehyung plopped down onto his office chair dispiritedly, leaning over to hold his head in his hands against his desk. A headache was starting to pound in the back of his mind, he felt utterly drained of what he was now drowning in and an incessant ache he oddly developed in his shoulder today has refused to leave him alone. 

He’d taken every frustrating phone call he could’ve, scolded and yelled at whoever he needed to. Decisions were piling up, he was expected to make smart moves quickly and the paperwork involved was already as large as a tidal wave, sending him into a spiraling mess of stress. 

And just when Taehyung believed he’d receive some sort of reprieve when he finally saw you, his sanity was further tested by the visit of someone he never saw coming. 

Someone that wasn’t you. 

“Mr. Kim, You’d better be alert, Ms. Aera made an unexpected visit and she’s-” Mrs. Lee’s voice through the phone was interrupted with the loud opening of his door.

Right then and there, the woman came busting into his office, completely unbothered and unaware of how arbitrary her actions were. 

Taehyung’s eyes widened in disbelief, scolding her upon entry. “Aera, what are you doing here?” 

“Taehyungie! It’s been so long.” The woman cheered, face lighting up at the sight of Taehyung while he did the exact opposite, distraught behind his desk. 

“What do you want?” His eyebrows knitted disapprovingly. 

“Taehyungie, look-” 

“Don’t call me that.” Taehyung grimaced as he held a hand up to stop her. “I never authorized your visit, leave my office.” 

“But I just have something to say, please?” She acted innocent to win him over. 

“I’m not interested.”

“Please? It’s nothing bad, Taehyung.” The woman whined, loosely clutching a Michael Kors purse in her hand as she purposefully pouted. 

Taehyung could only sigh heavily thinking about this, massaging his tired eyes. He’d surely want this woman escorted out because he doesn’t have the capacity to deal with her, though it would only cause a scene knowing she’s the persistent, screaming and kicking type. He figured for an easier outcome, he could simply allow her to say her piece and she’d leave him alone

And the quicker he let her, the faster he could get rid of her.

He ran a hand through his hair as he leaned back in his chair, expression fed up as he addressed her blankly. “Make what you’re saying quick, I’ll only let you talk for that sole purpose.” 

The woman’s face couldn’t have been happier, excited with a hint of shyness as she spoke to him. Taehyung hadn’t been looking at her at all, and could only become appalled when he heard her question. 

“I was just wondering, could we spend another night together, Taehyung? Just one last time?”

His eyebrows quirked in disbelief, replying curtly. “I’m married. I’m not affiliated with you anymore.” 

“Married? Oh c’mon, Taehyung. You expect me to believe you’re now suddenly faithful to her when we were still sleeping together before your engagement? That makes no sense.” She argued venomously, eyebrows of her own incredulous. 

“She’s my wife, the answer is no.” Taehyung tried to keep his rage at bay, subduing the blood boiling under his skin after a tiresome day. 

The woman had the audacity to scoff. “She’s just some less-than heiress that has you seduced, Taehyung. Does she really mean that much to you?” 

Taehyung’s indignation now sky-rocketed, expression piercing.  “Talk about my wife like that again and you’re being dragged out of my office.” 

“And you didn’t answer my question, so it seems my offer still stands.” The woman’s face twisted into something proud, something that was tugging at every last nerve Taehyung had left for today and he wasn’t having it. 

“Get out of my office.”

“But Tae-”

“I said get out. I’m expecting someone for lunch. “

“Awh, is it your wife? Can I meet her? Or have you not told her about all your little escapades before her?” The woman pulled at his leg, pettiness evident in her tone and it was cutting at Taehyung’s last strand of sanity. 

His jaw could only lock with controlled rage as he spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t ever go near my wife, and leave while I’m being nice.” 

The woman didn’t budge, only instead spoke nostalgically as she sauntered over to Taehyung. 

“But wasn’t I once your priority? The one you took to bed? The one you called when you were stressed? You seem stressed right now, baby, let me blow off some steam for you.” The woman’s manicured hands found purchase on Taehyung’s arms, just beginning to slide up teasingly. 

Taehyung was seconds from deflecting her cold touch, utter rejection written on him until his office door suddenly clicked open. 

“He’s taking quite long, don’t you think, Mrs. Lee?” You perked up from your seat outside Taehyung’s office, waiting for him to allow you inside. It was your first time visiting him, and you remained antsy fixing yourself to fit into the high-end look of his company. 

You were also buzzing because you’d received the best news ever concerning a gracious deal at work, and you were eager to spill every happy little detail to  Taehyung. 

“I’m not so sure, Mrs. Kim. He’s had quite the day, he should.. be welcoming you soon.” Mrs. Lee speculated with a slight stutter, confusing you until you sighed, thinking you’ve waited long enough.  

He was cutting into your lunch time already, and if he was too busy to attend he would’ve informed you with a simple text, just like he had about the success of your date. 

You hated to admit this, but that text minutely bothered you while reading it, automatically correlating anything Taehyung did last night with a show meant for the cameras. It was like a slap to the face considering nothing he did was genuine, though then again, that’s always been the point, everything’s supposed to be for public image, right?

Then why did it hurt when he sent that text?

You discarded the thought thinking you’ve been delayed enough, propping off your chair to turn the handle of his large office doors, Taehyung’s secretary suddenly exclaiming almost frantically.

“Oh no, Mrs. Kim, we-we need Mr. Kim to confirm whether he’s ready to accept a visitor or not.”

You waved her off with a small chuckle. “Oh please, I’m his wife, Mrs. Lee. I’m his most important visitor.” You remarked light-heartedly, scrunching your nose at her as you turned the handle. 

Your face was painted with a smile to greet Taehyung, setting foot inside his office only to be met by the last scene you’d thought you’d see. 

You caught sight of a quite provocatively, though expensively dressed woman with her ring-slated hands on your husband, her action only distracted by your entrance and lips curved into a scheming smile that made your stomach churn. 

Taehyung’s eyes widened in extreme shock, quickly ridding himself of the woman’s touch as he addressed you alarmed. “Y/N-”

“I was thinking you were caught up with something.” Your empty voice cut him off, expression beyond blank. An invisible knife was oddly twisting into your heart and it felt suffocating, clutching onto the strap of your side bag, trying to conceal the thickness of your voice as you looked on. “And I guess you are.. I’ll leave.”

“Y/N, wait, don’t go.” Taehyung called out urgently, desperation in his tone. 

“I think I really should.” 

“Jagiya, please stay. She was just leaving, I have no business with her.” Taehyung’s voice was more firm, trying to persuade you but you weren’t buying it, especially with him daring to call you a pet name right now. 

You nearly clutched the door more ajar until you suddenly heard the unknown woman’s voice perk up, clearly amused by the shit show she created.

“Jagiya? Oh, so you’re the wife? Aren’t you just the prettiest little thing?” She beamed, but you could only remain frozen in your spot angered, knowing exactly the type she was. 

“Aera, leave my office-”

“You call her Jagiya, isn’t that just adorable? I wonder how many times it took sleeping with you to gain that privilege-”

“Leave.” Taehyung’s voice resonated angrily in his office, his frightening stare flaring, though the woman only went on. 

“Ouu, there’s that temper I love oh so much.” The woman feigned adoration with a hand over her heart, then glancing towards you as she spoke. 

“He’s hot when he’s mad, isn’t he? Though I guess a whore like you would probably know.”

“Aera-”

“Or maybe you really are some runaway heiress he picked up off the streets and would never take to bed. Let me tell you, sweetie, there’s nothing like when he gets dominant and fucks you in all the right places-”

The sound of Taehyung rapidly rising from his seat and desk clattering filled the room, his voice irate with a locked jaw. “Leave, and I will not fucking ask you again.” 

Taehyung’s deep voice held an unwavering sense of authority as his eyes filled with rage, instantly making the woman standoff. It nearly rattled you if you weren’t battling a wave of hurt in your chest right now. 

The woman could only flash a condescending smile, addressing you both. “I’ll leave you two at it then, yeah?” 

She then made her way towards you near the door, eyeing your figure scornfully with every step until she eventually sent you a wink passing by. Her shoulder bumped yours, in a purposeful manner that left you clutching your fists at your sides once she slipped out the door. 

You can’t clock a bitch at your own husband’s company, Y/N, you can’t.  

There was a thick silence that loomed over the office, you trying to compose yourself as Taehyung used every ounce of his strength to ignore what he just saw, attempting to simmer down. 

He suddenly broke the silence, clearing his throat as he refused to meet your eyes. “We should get going, I have reservations-“

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Taehyung flashed his confused eyes to you, expression insulted. “Excuse me?”

“Who the fuck was that?” Your voice was flaring, nearly shouting.

“I’m not in the mood to talk about her.” Taehyung dismissed, reaching to grasp his coat. “Like I said, we should get going.”

“I am not going anywhere with you.”

“Pardon?”

“You think after seeing a woman on you we’re going to just go on our fucking lunch date? Why don’t you bring her along and have her blow you under the table for fuck’s sake?” You questioned with sheer vexation.

“Look, I’ve had a fucking long day, and I am not getting into this. I would like to at least have my marriage be the last of my worries right now.” Taehyung’s voice was entirely snippy and full of attitude, pissing you off by tenfold. 

“Maybe you should’ve fucking thought about that before you decided to have a woman on you, you asshole. You wanna talk about reputation and our public image but you’re seeking the touch of other women?” 

“Excuse me?” Taehyung’s voice grew indignant, scolding you from across the room. “I didn’t do anything with her, she barged into my office unannounced. Don’t make this something it’s not.”

“What it is, is someone needlessly insulting me because of you. Are you not the same man who promised me I had you? Or was that for show too like our fucking date yesterday?” You found that same hurt leaking into your words, tone vastly irritated. 

Taehyung winced hearing you, half at the insult that was thrown your way but that you somehow believed such a sincere promise of his was disingenuous. 

I meant that, he thought. That wasn’t for show. 

“Look, I’m sorry she said that. You didn’t deserve that at all, okay? I’ll have a restraining order filed, and you’ll be safe.” Taehyung offered, though you grew even more irate. 

“Fuck a restraining order, Taehyung, explain yourself!” You shouted. “Why am I having women tell me I’m just another bitch you slept with multiple times until you eventually put a ring on my finger? Or that I’m some pitiful heiress that has you seduced?”

“Is that what those women said to you at the gala?” Taehyung questioned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it was irrelevant until this! Tell me right now, what the fuck is your past with women? You said nothing was ever serious and yet I have a woman calling me a whore because of you?” You just about spat, hands gesturing profusely to express your anger. 

“It’s not complicated. I’ve spent time with some women, and some of them like to come back.”

“Ah, I got it now. So I’m one of your escapades you liked enough to marry, right? Makes perfect fucking sense, why don’t I start parading around how you fuck in the bedroom too and rub it in everyone’s faces? Would totally make us convincing as a married couple.” You sarcastically chirped, causing Taehyung to sigh out frustrated from behind his desk. 

“Y/N, you know that’s not true. Like I said, let’s not dwell on this, the last thing I need today is my marriage going wrong too.” Taehyung was losing his energy for an argument, searching instead for a way to resolve this, though you seemed eons away from the notion. 

“Well maybe it fucking should, I’m just charity to you anyways, aren’t I?”

Taehyung’s eyebrows knitted in irritation, completely shocked by your audacity. “What did you just say?”

“It’s alright, Taehyung, I get it. Our deal never said anything against seeing other people, and I may not be cutting it for you, right? I’m just the runaway heiress you were forced to choose, so obviously you wouldn’t put me to bed and seek other women instead.” You suggested sardonically, though it only hiked up Taehyung’s temper by tenfold. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you dare accuse me of shit like that after I told you nothing happened.” 

“Oh, but I think I should, and especially after what I just saw. We haven’t even fucked yet, right? So go ahead, talk your talk about reputation and our couple image but fuck other women. So long as you keep it quiet, right?” Venom was laced in your every word, and you didn’t even know why these words were coming out of your mouth anymore, but they seemed befitting of your storming emotions, your racing heart. 

“Y/N, like I said, do not make this something it isn’t because I am not having it today. I’m putting my jacket on and we’re going to lunch, end of discussion.” Taehyung was now on his last nerve, containing his anger as he rebuked you. 

He neared his jacket once again until you spat another comeback. “I think you should go alone, sailor, or maybe chase after your little conquest again. She’ll probably be much better company, maybe give you a nice hand job so you can cool the fuck down.”

“You need to cool the fuck down,” Taehyung stressed. “I’ve already had enough of everything today, don’t make me add you to that list.”

You were quick to quip back. “Oh don’t worry, I’m just your charity wife who can’t satisfy your needs anyway, so maybe I should be on that list.”

“For fuck’s sake you’re not a charity-!“

“Fuck you, Kim Taehyung.” You swore, folded arms coiling tighter as you grew more frustrated, utterly done with seeing his face. “I can’t believe I was going to tell you something important too.”

Taehyung became confused, gauging your confession. 

You laughed humourlessly to yourself, watery eyes glistening under the lights of his office. “I was going to tell you I finally landed a deal where I’d get one of my buildings in the Seoul skyline, tell you it’s been my dream ever since my father first did it.” You bit back your turbulent emotions, eyes tearing up. “I was going to tell you everything, tell you how happy it made me..” 

“Y/N..” 

“Don’t ever speak to me again, you asshole.” Your voice broke in the slightest, the words you threw at each other paired with the situation now catching up to you. A tear nearly slipped down your cheek as you made for the door, turning away around until Taehyung protested, voice oddly soft. 

“Y/N, wait.”

“I’m not waiting for anything.”

“Just fucking wait! We can’t make it seem like we had a fight, okay? Jagi-Y/N, just stay and listen to me.“ Taehyung corrected, holding his hands out to halt your movements, though you didn’t care. 

“Oh fucking please! I don’t want to hear anything. You want our marriage to look real, then maybe a little fight or two between husband and wife should look convincing enough, don’t you think?” You shouted through tears brimming your distraught eyes, standing just before his door.

“Y/N, please,” Taehyung begged, too completely drained and concerned for you to be angry now, rather desperate. “I just, I can’t have this today. Not you too.”

You could only scoff disdainfully. “But I’m just another woman you either screwed multiple times into marriage, or a pathetic runaway that does nothing for you.” You breathed shakily. “So what’s the difference if it’s me?”

There was an incredibly miserable silence that haunted you both, in each other’s presence though unable to see each other, understand each other. Taehyung could only stand in silence, wanting to reach out to you without a way how, and only left to hear your last words as you grasped the handle. 

“There’s no lunch today, Taehyung, goodbye.”

And you left his office with a hard slam of his door. 

You’d spent the entire day agonizing, trying to quell the pain you felt in your heart without any reason of understanding why it hurt so much. 

It’s what made you emotionally unavailable for the remainder of your day, eventually trudging back home after work had concluded. 

You climbed the stairs straight to your unfortunately shared bedroom, head consistently swarming with your fight as you brushed Mrs. Seo off about food. 

This was the first time you two have genuinely fought, every other time having been a simple joke or quarrel, and it was bothering you so profusely you couldn’t think of anything else. 

To think you could both argue so severely, it made you question what the remedy even looked like, how you would even reach some sort of resolution. At first, it always seemed as though Taehyung and yourself were more similar than you thought, could oddly comprehend each other on levels uncharted by other people, and against all, atypical odds, you two actually complemented each other well. 

But now? It left your future even more unknown to you. 

It made you realize sometimes Taehyung and yourself just can’t see eye-to-eye, that sometimes your similar personalities can clash, your different values can collide, and it simply left you frightened of what this spelled for you two. 

Is this what spending a lifetime with Taehyung would look like? Would you two always argue this terribly over pressing matters? Would you two always be so bull-headed and not understand the other’s point of view? Throw such awful words at each other that hurt the other? 

The incessant thoughts made you plop onto your covers deflated, sighing at the ceiling above, unable to understand why tears constantly threatened to spill from your eyes, and eventually did so.  

You shouldn’t even be angry in the first place, Taehyung has every right in the world to seek the comfort and touch of other women, it’s not like your marriage was real anyway, and it was true you haven’t been delivering in the category of satisfying a man’s needs. Even if you boldly made out with him just yesterday, who’s to say that’s enough for him? 

Who’s to say you’re enough for him? 

What also seeped into the crevices of your storming mind was the thought that he preached this God-like, impenetrable idea of reputation and public image, yet could so easily put it on the line by having a woman in his office. Even if he claimed to have been doing nothing, what would people say if word got out a woman visited his office, even worse a woman he used to fuck, and then attended lunch with his wife like normal? 

It could’ve been detrimental to his name. 

That aside, it fucking pissed you off to see another woman near seconds from getting on her knees for your husband. 

And it pissed you off even more you were always being referred to as some whore that finally snatched Taehyung up, because it was completely unfair, so utterly untrue and left you bitter to the touch thinking if only they knew. 

If only they knew how hard you battled the universe on your wedding day, how hard it was to throw your life away and work towards building your own name, only to have it all come crashing down because of this marriage. 

To still be hearing the insults as a runaway-heiress, that you were some poor soul Taehyung pitied and took under his wing but won’t fuck, so he gets into other women’s beds for satisfaction. 

If only they knew how undeserving you already felt, how this marriage and your lifestyle has you drained from nearly every aspect of your life. Having your mother tell you you’re lucky Taehyung even put a ring around your worthless finger, that your marriage now keeps your brother Yoongi you miss so terribly even further away from Korea the more you don’t participate in your father’s company. That you’re nothing but an ungrateful stubborn brat to your father outside of this matrimony, and an even bigger one with Taehyung. 

If only they fucking knew, how hard this all was. How marrying a Kim means your farce needs to be perfect all the time, that you’ll be judged, ridiculed and belittled for your every move. That your husband is only nice to you because he needs to be, because he was forced to choose you. 

It was all too much, just so fucking much you needed a moment to simply cry. To relieve the stress, the insults, the constant feeling of unworthiness that overwhelmed your emotions. 

So you cried, cried until you became devoid of emotion and eventually drifted off into a slumber, your raging thoughts disappearing along with your consciousness. 

“Sir, you’d like to be driven home today?” His chauffer asked from behind the wheel as Taehyung climbed into the back of his Merc, cold air shut out once he closed the door. 

“Yes, I’m not in the right mind to drive.” Taehyung finalized as he clicked on his seatbelt, signaling to the driver he wasn’t in the mood to talk, and so he ignited the engine instead of pressing further. 

Taehyung sighed out once the car began moving, watching the world pass him by emptily as he folded his arms, defeated. Taehyung’s entire figure was downcast, mind floating around aimlessly as he constantly recalled the argument throughout the day. 

He knew he shouldn’t have gotten so pissed and raised his voice, it was only because he’d had a terrible day, and you just caught him at the wrong time.

Your accusations did sincerely hurt him, though, because he was insulted you could think so lowly of him, that if only you knew how adamantly he rejected the woman before you came in. 

If only you knew how utterly wrong everything you claimed was, that you were different to him, and always have been. 

Taehyung exhaled tiredly once again, settling on a new motive for today considering you must already be home. 

“Mr. Kang, could you take a right from here?” 

“But sir, that’s not the way-” 

“I know, we’re making a stop before I go home.” 

Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of your door clicking open, without knowledge of the time as you registered the luminous moonlight from outside the balcony doors bleeding in, a scattered reflection filling the room’s darkness. 

You stirred in your bed, a little annoyed having your much needed sleep disturbed, and you grumbled with a fatigued voice. 

“Mrs. Seo, I told you I’d come downstairs if I was hungry-”

“I’m not Mrs. Seo.” 

Your eyes cracked all the way open, lightyears away from sleep now hearing Taehyung’s low voice reverberate in your shared bedroom. You didn’t know why he was here, convinced he would’ve spent the rest of today elsewhere or locked up in his study. You decided to ignore him instead, your back faced towards him as you remained in a laid position.  

You heard him shut the door behind himself, the soles of his shoes contacting the floor as you heard the odd rustling of something in his hand. 

He seemed to have made his way over to the bed, placing something of possibly paper down as the telling sound of him shredding off his suit jacket met your ears. You could make out more rustling as he seemed to have grasped the other item again, nestling it onto his empty side of the bed and sitting down on the edge himself.

It was unmistakable the scent that caught your nose, the familiar smell bringing your mind temporary peace. 

Peonies.  

The bed had dipped under his weight, causing you to curl yourself up knowing he was there, the tension thick. There was silence, the sound of nothing filling your room until he eventually spoke. 

“Did I wake you?” 

“Yes.” 

He fiddled with his fingers for a bit. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t speak to me.” 

You heard him exhale tiredly, addressing you again. “Y/N..” 

“Didn’t I just tell you not to talk to me?” 

Taehyung placed his elbow on his knees as he clasped his hands over his lips, answering you. “I know, but I want to talk to you.” 

“You shouldn’t.” 

“Just hear me out, please. Just this once. It’s all I ask.” Taehyung practically beseeched, his voice sounding like the honey you’ve heard before.  

And it made you acquiesce. 

“Look, I’ll make this clear. Because of my work, I’ve never had time for dating, so I’ve slept with women casually.” Taehyung clarified, speaking pacifyingly. “But I’ve never once allowed a woman to come to my home, you’re the first one to ever lay in my bed.” 

Your eyebrows perked up, shocked by the unforeseen confession. 

“I haven’t slept with anyone ever since our engagement, and I did absolutely nothing with that woman in my office.” Taehyung paused, thinking about his next statement. 

“I would never cheat on you, I’m not the type.” 

Taehyung then took a deep breath, almost readying himself to reveal this. “You know, you’ve always talked about how we didn’t choose each other, so it makes you believe I’m stuck with you against my will or something. But you don’t know, Y/N... I did choose you.” 

Your eyes widened in bewilderment, clutching your hands to your chest as you listened carefully. 

“You probably know my father gave me an ultimatum about you. But what you don’t know is that ultimatum was only for meeting you, not choosing you.” Taehyung relayed pointedly, your eyebrows shooting up in surprise. 

“My father was only pressuring me to get married. Yes there was an incentive marrying you specifically because I felt like I owed your father for our deal, but I still could’ve said no. I could’ve met someone else and moved on.” He breathed out, moving to his next sentence. 

“But after I met you, Y/N, I didn’t want to settle on someone else. I wanted to choose you because you were different, you weren’t like any other woman I’d met.” Taehyung confessed, his voice hesitant though determined to prove his point. 

“You were never some less-than heiress to me. I saw you as someone admirable. Someone strong enough to defy the status-quo us heirs are forced to live in, and I’ve never once regretted my decision.” 

Taehyung was grasping his hands together harder now, unfamiliar with being so candid though oddly okay knowing it’s you. “So I don’t like when you say I only think of you as charity, as a woman I don’t want, because I’ve never thought of you that way.” He stressed, tone persuasive. 

“You’re you, and that makes you different.” 

You could’ve been choking if it weren’t for the fact that you were laying down, storming emotions now dissipating once soaking in his confessions. 

“And there’s genuity behind my words, I’m not a deceitful or manipulative man who makes empty promises. I should’ve been more clear from the start about my past with women, and today you just.. caught me on a bad day. Nothing went right at work, and I was stressed. I’m sorry I took it out on you.. I didn’t mean to do that.” 

There was something almost devastating laced in Taehyung’s voice, like he was reprimanding himself for his own behaviour, and it automatically made you feel extremely guilty. 

You were way too quick to make assumptions about Taehyung, jumping to conclusions that were far from the truth and now it dawned on you you only made Taehyung’s day 100x worse. You should’ve been there for him as comfort, some sort of solace so that his day wasn’t so mentally draining, but you instead accused him of terrible things with no proof and aggravated everything. 

The guilt made your head spin, rising into a seated position and turning over to in fact see a bouquet of peonies beside you, eyes nearly watering he even remembered your favourite flowers when you were so awful to him. 

He was seated a few inches away with his head in his hands, clearly distressed and troubled, and you despised you were partly the reason for it. 

How could you have so easily blamed Taehyung? You didn’t even register the fact that when you did walk in, Taehyung didn’t even look like a culpable man, he seemed rejective of the woman. 

And now you were spiraling, thinking this entire argument was just your dumb mistake. How could you have let yourself turn into some jealous maniac and make him go through this? 

You felt incredibly apologetic, regretful, but now seeking to comfort him like you should’ve against the odds of his awful day, should’ve understood and heard him out. 

You shuffled over to Taehyung on your shins, his broad back to you. If he noticed your presence behind him, he didn’t make it obvious, remaining leaned over onto his knees tiredly

You pressed your dainty palm to his back, swallowing as you contemplated if you could do something more intimate. Your hand remained still, battling the decision to move closer to him until Taehyung suddenly shrugged off your touch, voice firm. 

“I don’t need comfort, I’m fine.” 

You felt slightly discouraged, though remained determined to reach him. “I should’ve been there for you on such a stressful day.” 

“I can handle my stress on my own, I don’t need anyone.” Taehyung stated blankly, though you didn’t feel like listening to him. 

In an irrational action, you moved forward and tentatively draped your arms around Taehyung from behind, your chest flush against his back. Your small arms caged around his, chin coming to rest on his shoulder as Taehyung’s resistant voice reprimanded you. 

“Y/N, I said I don’t need-” 

“No, this is my fault. I’m so sorry I said those awful things to you, you didn’t deserve that, you didn’t deserve that at all.” Your voice was solemn as you hugged around him tighter, Taehyung holding one of your wrists to loosen your grip. 

“That’s fine, but I don’t need help, I can handle stress by myself.” Taehyung was trying to undo your hold around him though you only embraced him closer in response, one of your hands hooking onto his shoulder as the other enclosed his biceps. 

You didn’t understand why you felt so adamant about doing this, but you found your face nuzzling into his neck to just reach him, to speak to him in earnest. 

“You don’t have to.. Taehyung.” You said, clutching onto him for dear life. “You don’t have to do everything on your own, you have me.” 

“I don’t need your pity, Y/N. I’m fine, let go of me.” 

“No, I’m not going anywhere, I’m here.” 

“I don’t need help.” Taehyung stressed, trying to loosen your grip again. “Just let me go-” 

“No, I’m not letting you go, Taehyung.” You grasped him as hard as you could, tenacious in never leaving him alone.

“I don’t want to let go.” Your voice became soft, almost endearing as you snuggled further into the junction of his neck and were met by the scent of his cologne. It was just like him, masculine and soothing, and it wasn’t long before you released a relieved breath, glad that you had him so near, glad that your fight was so useless now. 

Taehyung fought his inner turmoil trying to reject your hold, though he felt so entirely warm in your touch he ultimately relaxed, accepting it, a calming breath leaving his body. He sensed the storm in his mind dissipating, the cold ice of his habitually lonely thoughts melting away underneath your hug. 

It made him bask in you, sinking into your comfort as his one hand held your forearm, and the other came up to cradle the back of your head, lightly ruffling the soft tresses of your hair with a smile. He almost allowed tears to prick at his eyes, never having felt such a moving sense of support from anyone. 

Maybe Taehyung felt the hug of his mother when he scrapped his knee at a young age, maybe the embrace of his little cousins whenever he visited them, and maybe sometimes when his friends provided their own version of comfort through sincere text messages and a momentary hug. 

But never in his life has Taehyung allowed another woman to simply hug him like this, and he found every reason in the world to think it’s okay if it’s you. 

Because everything he said today was true, you’ve always been different, and there’s nobody quite like you. 

Taehyung swallowed his emotions down thinking he didn’t want to ruin a pure moment like this with sadness, your warmth alleviating the stress along with his negative thoughts.  

Taehyung suddenly positioned himself on the bed to face you, his eyes meeting your glistening ones he couldn’t ever resist. Your arms remained loosely draped around him, meeting his eyes with an expectant look. Taehyung’s hands set around your face, a palm against your cheek as the other brushed hair behind your ear. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, his eyes darting almost adoringly all over the pretty features of your face. 

“I’m sorry, too. I was just.. scared of what would happen to your name, if people found out.” You apologized, only left to swim in the warm brown of Taehyung’s eyes. 

He smiled gratefully, finding your consideration for his reputation endearing of you. His gaze began switching between your doe-eyes and the plush of your lips, moving closer as he lost thought. He held your face, inching closer as his breathe tickled your skin the more proximal he became. 

You drew closer as well, closing your eyes as you felt Taehyung’s lips softly press against yours. You sighed into his kiss, thinking you’ve never once felt such a tender touch in your lifetime, reflective in the way you caught his lips in yours. 

Taehyung opened up his mouth to kiss you fervently, the sweet sound of your lips meeting each other making you feel fuzzy. Your grasp on his shirt tightened the more the heat picked up, relishing in the taste of him as he worked against your mouth passionately. 

Taehyung then laid you down onto the bed slowly, your back meeting the cold of the sheets as he climbed on top of you. One of Taehyung’s hands faltered from your face to encase the side of your ribcage, causing you to arch as his other palm held your cheek. 

He began kissing you with something more hungry, something more ardent. Small groans were leaving you as a result of your core lighting up, Taehyung’s hot mouth swallowing your every sound. Your hands slid up his neck to meet the tresses of his fluffy hair, fingers tugging as it seemed to turn him on. 

With a satisfied groan from his mouth, he pressed his thigh into your now pulsing entrance, his hand on your waist smoothing over your clothes until he eventually slipped his warm palms underneath your blouse. The sensation made your breath hitch, melting into Taehyung’s pleasurable touch until a sudden intrusive thought filled you with fear. The ghost of someone else’s uncaring, cold hands made you practically freeze up underneath him.  

You remembered Kiseok out of nowhere, mind frenzying and you quickly pushed Taehyung off your lips, eyes scared. 

He looked down at your alarmed expression and immediately apologized. “Shit, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“No, no! It’s not you, it’s-it’s me. I just remembered.. I just felt, I-” You tried to say a coherent sentence but your brain was spazzing out, hands smacking over your mouth to stop your babbling. 

Taehyung could read you in an instant, connecting the telling dots. 

“It’s him, isn’t it?” He questioned, soft eyes looking into yours. 

“Yes, I’m sorry. I just remembered something and I freaked out, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry-”

“Hey,” Taehyung’s thumb began massaging at your skin underneath your clothes. “It’s okay, it’s not him, Y/N. It’s me.” Taehyung’s dulcet voice spoke pacifyingly, soothing eyes gazing into your near panicked ones. “It’s just me.” 

You don’t know washed over you, but knowing it was Taehyung, the Taehyung you’ve had the wonderful privilege of getting to know, the kind Taehyung who nursed your wounded cheek and protected you on multiple occasions, the Taehyung that told you he loves snow and promised to take care of you. Knowing it was him, his touch warm and tender, rather than piercing and rushed like you’ve felt before, there was no reason to worry, no reason to push him away. 

You smiled as he returned your grin, your hands meeting his chiseled jaw to pull him back down to your lips, Taehyung happily complying.

He returned for more kisses, mouthing at you until sucking at your bottom lip until he teasingly bit at the plushy flesh and pulled them by his teeth. The way he looked at you was purely devilish, practically smirking with his eyes as he popped off your mouth, and you ignited with something akin to fire. 

You tugged him back down harshly and his tongue began poking at your mouth, yours opening up completely and he slithered inside, your tongue tangling with his ardently. 

Your wet muscles tasted each other in a delicious tandem, his hips grinding against you and your body moved in near lethal synchronicity with his, the hand underneath your blouse traversing your bare skin arousingly. 

Your breaths were catching up on each other until Taehyung disconnected, lips flushed pink with blown out eyes as he regarded you with something indistinguishable, your own eyes giving away adoration as you looked at him.

Taehyung returned by shoving his lips to the underside of your jaw, moving to your pulse point to suck more of his desire onto you, reviving his marks from yesterday. He nearly ate at your skin, mouthing tirelessly until you were squirming underneath him and more of his purple marks blossomed across your neck. 

You could tell he liked marking. 

You gasped out in pleasure, lewd sounds escaping your mouth as your hands hugged his head to your neck. Hips bucking up into his senselessly, a pleasurable groan left the back of Taehyung’s throat as his hardening length pressed your center. 

Taehyung’s mouth began canvasing down to your collarbones, kissing and licking them hotly before he shifted his weight onto his shoulder and suddenly exclaimed, grimacing in pain. 

“Ah, fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” You asked, hands holding his face.  

He managed his weight on top of you with one arm, working his left arm in order to gauge the pain. “My shoulder, it’s been bothering me all day.” 

“Did you take any medicine?” 

“I took painkillers for my headache. Don’t think it did anything for my shoulder.” He informed as he winced moving the muscles, clearly in pain. 

You pushed him up into an upright position, letting him sit in front of you with mussed hair and swollen lips, massaging the joint. You blushed at the fact his disheveled state was the result of kissing you, though you trashed the idea once he exclaimed in pain again. 

“Ah, stop moving it, turn around.” You pushed at his chest to get him to turn. He listened and positioned himself with his back to you, your hand over his shoulder as you settled behind him. “Take your shirt off, I can look at the muscle.” 

“Oh? You’re not shy about seeing me shirtless anymore?” Taehyung remarked, obviously relating back to your first night sleeping together and you smacked at his shoulder. 

“Hey, not the time.” Taehyung reeled at your hit, his exclamation melding into a laugh as you spoke. “You gotta strip for me, Kim. Take it off so I can see.” 

“Since when are you a doctor?” He quirked his eyebrows. 

“Since I took kinesiology in university. I know muscles, take off your shirt already. Or are you shy about showing me some skin, cuddler boy?” You quipped at his ego. 

“I mean, I saw some of your skin in the shower yesterday, it’s only fair I show you mine.” He snickered evilly as you recalled the shower incident, mouthing falling agape.

“What? You said you didn’t look!” You hit him again as punishment and Taehyung cried out, laughing through pain. 

“Ow, I was kidding! I only saw your shoulders.” 

“Good, now take this shirt off before I make your shoulder worse.” You scolded him, on your knees as you yanked at his shirt. 

Taehyung quickly admitted defeat. “Okay, okay, if my princess wants me to strip, I’ll strip.” You almost hit him again until he worked the buttons of his shirt, peeling off the fabric from his shoulders and you were reminded again of just how large Taehyung really is. 

Your eyes ogled at the size of his shoulder blades, impressed by how masculine his features were; his lean muscle, broad back, your hands having a mind of their own as they began travelling over his skin. You were moving quite aimlessly until Taehyung’s teasing voice lifted you from your trance. 

“See something you like?” 

Your cheeks heated up, scandalized. “I-I’m just looking at your muscles.” 

“Mmm, sure. Wanna add em’ to the list of things you like about me?” Taehyung was clearly having too much fun with this as a pretty laugh escaped him, you having enough of his teasing. 

“That’s it, I’m leaving you alone.” You propped off the bed and walked away, Taehyung protesting after you. 

“Y/N, come back. I’ll stop.” He whined as he stood to his feet, gesturing his open arms for you to come to, though you teased him back instead. 

“Nope, you’ve lost your opportunity for my massages and my lips you like oh so much, bread crust boy.” 

You could’ve sworn a blush crept onto Taehyung’s cheeks, clearly remembering his candid confession of what he liked about you. “Yah, come here.” 

“I think I remember some about my eyes too, right?” You pulled at his leg, Taehyung’s bottom lip jutting out in a near pout. 

“Hey, this is unfair, come back to me.” 

“You’ll have to catch me if you want me back, Mr. Kim.” You eyed him playfully as you bolted off, sprinting across your bedroom to work the lock of the balcony doors.  

“You’re going outside? It’s cold!” Taehyung proclaimed in complaint, dragging his feet for you as you swung the balcony doors open. You ran out into the cold winter air, chilling your bones though you didn’t really care when you had a near shirtless Kim Taehyung hot on your trail. 

“Then I guess you’ll have to catch me to keep warm!” You teased comically, amused as you watched him scramble outside for you. Giggles came from you as you dodged his arms, both of you pacing around each other as Taehyung’s endearing chuckles filled the night air.  

You started slowing down once the running caught up to your lungs, coming to a momentary halt as Taehyung finally snatched you up. His arms wrapped entirely around your torso, practically lifting you off the ground as you exclaimed through defeated laughs. 

“Okay, Taehyung, you got me, you got me! Let me go!” You struggled in his hold, squirming for him to loosen his grasp though he didn’t let up. 

“Nope, you’re my only warmth now, not letting go.” Taehyung announced while biting back a wide smile. He rested his chin atop your head and his iron lock brought you to a settled state, accepting his hold around you. 

You became slightly shy thinking Taehyung’s bare front was pressed against your back, your hands resting over his as you both shivered together, only each other’s body heat for warmth.  

“I’m practically anemic, Tae. I’m always cold.” You giggled as you dissed yourself. 

Taehyung breathed through his nose in a small laugh, speaking with the baritone of his voice that resonated in your back. 

“You’ve always been warm to me.” 

Your lips curved into a gleeful smile, basking in the feeling of his safe arms wrapped around you without the judgmental stare of others like at the amusement park. It was just you and him, and you simply enjoyed the moment, eyes finding stars above your entangled bodies. 

“Oh my God, the stars.” You pointed upwards, peering at the pretty constellations above your heads and Taehyung looked up as well. 

“Wow, this is my first time seeing stars in ages.” Taehyung commented, eyes soaking in the shine of their light. 

You could only snicker, quipping at him as he admired the sky. “All because I came into your life, right?” 

Taehyung could tell it was meaningless joke on your end, his teasing always matched with your own, but what you didn’t know was how much the stars had always meant to Taehyung. 

And that your playful statement beckoned him to reminisce. 

The sky was the only solace he found as a child, often peering up to be set free from his pre-determined, controlling life. Even in his young teenaged years he tried to believe in galaxies as much as he could, using it as some make-shift escape from his restrictive world. 

Though as the years progressed, and Taehyung become completely sucked into the world of business, he’d lost all touch with such a concept, and lost the significance it once harbored. He’d stopped believing in any galaxy whatsoever, stopped taking a moment to look up at the sky and solely lived for the purpose of achieving greatness in his name. 

But with you, he often earned small instances of reprieve just like this. A moment where it felt like his ever-progressive world had stopped, like he could finally see those same stars he used to look up at. 

Except now, as he glanced down at your doe-eyes reflecting the luminescent lights, pretty stars scattered within them, he couldn’t help but admire their reflections in your eyes more. He wanted to look into them for longer, wondering if he’d always be able to see the same gleam of starlight in your eyes like this.  

And that maybe his solace isn’t the sky anymore. 

“Yeah, it is.” His arms coiled around you tighter, clutching onto you like you so desperately clutched onto him earlier. His face dipped into your shoulder, feeling every ounce of worry and stress from today float up into a cloud of nothing, soaking in your warm presence without thought of the cold. 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Taehyung asked by your ear, calm and quiet. 

“Me? Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering.” He hummed. 

“Mm, well, I was actually taking the day off. Hana wants me to look for her wedding gift in our gigantic hoard.” 

Taehyung snorted. “I shouldn’t even tell you the amount of money people gave us.” 

“Please don’t, it’ll make me hunt down each person by fingerprint analysis and give it back.” You feigned disgust, leaning yourself back into his warmth.

“And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell my stubborn wife.” 

You grinned sheepishly at Taehyung so casually referring to you as his wife. “You’re stubborn too, don’t think I’m the only one.” 

“You’re way more stubborn,” Taehyung argued. “I could give you the world and you’d probably only take a blade of grass.” 

“If you gave me the world I’d just give it back to you.” 

“Exactly, because you’re more stubborn.” He retorted, proud of his remark as your mind rather went into thought, your next words reflecting your meditative mind. 

“No, because you deserve the world more than I do.”

You said it so softly, his warm hold around you the epitome of comfort as you forgot the winter chill, the seeming care radiating off his body sinking into your bones that have been so conditioned to feel unloved. You could only puff air through your nose in a laugh to yourself, thinking Taehyung felt like a remedy to nearly every dark part of yourself, like he eased you in ways nobody else ever could. 

And it made you think Taehyung really is such a misunderstood person, because despite his hard stares and guarded walls, there was a man who simply had a kind soul. 

There was a poignant pause as Taehyung became shocked, never having been told something so.. sentimental. His heart strings were practically being tugged at, feeling your grip on his hands tighten. Taehyung nestled you closer to him, mumbling calmly by your ear as his face found the crook of your neck. 

“Only because you deserve a universe.” 

You both basked in the sweet moment together, hearts utterly filled to the brim with something indistinguishable, something you both had no way of identifying. The pair of you ignored the feeling and let the unspeakable sensation permeate the air instead, tranquility seeping into the pair of you in the quietness of the moment. 

Until Taehyung suddenly perked up. 

“Hey, is the reason why you didn’t go near the railing on your first day here because you’re afraid of heights?”

“W-what? No, totally not afraid of some balcony.” You brushed him off with a fake laugh way too casually, and Taehyung caught on. 

“You know it’s only two stories up, right? You could survive a fall that high.” 

“Taehyung, don’t say that!” You whined out in fear, and Taehyung could only chuckle heartily at your cute protest. 

“Hana, shut up before I end this call.” You threatened your best friend on the other line, rested on your shins in your walk-in closet. “I literally took the day off just so I could look through these wedding gifts for yours, cut to the chase.” 

“Hey, not my fault you two looked all lovey-dovey at an amusement park after you tell me you guys are fake, who even asked out who? Captain hard stare or you?” 

“Look, at our first event a lot of people made snarky comments about our marriage seeming fake, so we agreed on looking more couply.” 

“No fucking kidding, you think I didn’t spit my drink out when I saw that photo of Taehyung on his knees fixing your dress?” Hana snorted on the other end. “Ma’am, I salute you for getting the Kim Taehyung on his knees for you, tell us the secret babe.” 

“Hana, he wasn’t even on his knees.” 

“Whatever you say, Casanova.” Hana drawled into the phone. “But seriously though, has he gotten on his knees for you yet.. you know.. in that way?” 

“Hana, shut the fuck up.” 

“I’m curious! Word on the street is Taehyung’s packing, the kind that fucks up your insides.” 

“Why are you talking so casually about my husband’s fucking?” You deadpanned, crossing your arms.  “You really wanna tell me that after I fought with him yesterday about his past with women?”

“Look, just remember what Taehyung said to you about them. It seriously seems like none of those girls mean to him what you mean to him.” 

“... why do you say that?” 

“I saw all the photos of you guys on your date and to be honest, the shit he did didn’t seem fake.” 

“It was for the cameras, Hana.” 

She scoffed on the other side of the line. “Sure, if that helps you sleep at night. Fuck, both of you just looked really real, and that’s coming from someone who knows about your marriage.” 

You pondered over her statement for a moment until you finally found the stupid red box Hana kept preaching. “Oh, hey! I think I found your gift.” 

“Really? Finally, I spent way too much on this fucker.” Hana complained. 

“What the hell is it? The box feels too light.” You shook it around for good measure.

“You’ll see when you open it, Casanova.” 

“Hana, I’m literally the furthest thing from a Casanova, shut up?” 

“Says the one who got Kim Taehyung on his knees to fix your dress like your servant.” She accused you, imagining her drinking a petty sip of something in a glass. 

“He wasn’t on his knees, Hana. He just fixed it to be nice” 

“Well, quick fucking reminder he bought you that dress too. Let’s see how fast you can get him on his knees with something I bought you.” 

“What do you..” Your words faded once you lifted the lid of the box and lost all function. Your eyes bugged out at seeing a red lacey lingerie set, clearly satin in fabric and so scandalous you audibly gasped. 

“Hana! What the fuck is this?!” You hissed into the phone, slapping the lid back over the box like you’d removed the Holy Grail. 

“Surprise! You seriously owe me for this one, I had to talk to his CEO friends just to find out what he likes. Made myself look like a damn fool asking at the wedding.” 

“Oh God, don’t even remind me of the guys at the wedding.” You held a hand to your temple in shame. “I still feel terrible I was such a fucked up, unavailable mess I never got to meet them. I don’t know how the fuck Taehyung and I both have so much family.” 

You recalled the awful memory of being dragged around to snobby, intrusive relatives and ‘important people’ all night, having missed the guys as they were busy themselves, shivering at the sheer amount of social skills you had to conjure in a near catatonic state. 

You also would’ve been taken by the sentiment of Hana’s gift, but all that was running through your mind was a racy lingerie set tucked away in a closet you shared with Taehyung, constantly reminding you where in God’s name you were even going to hide this. 

“Hana, that’s fucking sweet of you but what the hell?! Red, satin and lace? I’m not a Victoria’s Secret model!” 

“It’s all his favourites, apparently. And you’re very much runway worthy, though I don’t think Captain hard stare would want people eyeing his woman if you walked down the runway in that.” She preached as if she were Taehyung’s wing woman, making you unfortunately realize your best friend and your husband were both equally quick-witted. 

Great.

“I’m not walking anywhere in this. I can’t pull off lingerie, and especially not in front of Taehyung. My cheeks would literally melt off my face if that happened.”

“Why? You guys haven’t done anything at all?” 

You became sheepish answering her question, thighs rubbing together as you admitted the truth. “Um.. not-not really.” 

“Oh? Nothing at all?” She asked out sheer curiosity.  

“We’ve really only made out.” 

“Are you-!” Hana almost exclaimed loudly until she calmed down. “Actually, you know what? That’s okay, Y/N. I know Kiseok was an asshole and he makes sex hard for you, but you’re seriously a woman of steel resisting Taehyung.” She commended you whole-heartedly. 

“You can kick me later for this but that’s the hottest man I’ve seen in my entire life, how haven’t you jumped him yet? I would’ve.” 

“You think I don’t know that, I live with him!” 

“Exactly! So you know him, Y/N, and you know he’s not an asshole, you can let loose around him.” Hana explained. “That’s why I got the set, you were already forced into this like he was, the least you two could do is have some fun together.” 

“Hana-”

“Nope, don’t do that with me. Don’t tell me you’re not pretty enough or something because I’ll bite your elbow. You’re a gorgeous girl who deserves to get railed every night, don’t think you’re not enough for him or something, Y/N. I can tell by the way he treats you you’re more than enough.” 

“How are you so sure?” 

Hana paused on the other line, sighing before giving her answer. “You know how I met Taehyung’s friends at the wedding?” 

“Yeah?” 

“They talked about him, they were mainly cracking jokes but they ended up saying the way he acts with you...” Hana relayed carefully. “It’s different.” 

“But that was during the wedding, we barely knew each other then.” 

“Exactly, and you told me that all along Taehyung actually did choose you, so stop questioning your worth when it comes to him, your worthy enough that he chose you.” 

You could only dwell on Hana’s thoughts, sincerely glad you had such a supportive friend. 

It made you think about how you’re not the greatest friend. “You know, I’ll always be sorry I keep you and Yoongi apart. You’re worthy to him too, you know. He just gets really caught up with work.”

Hana was silence for a moment before she joked. “Please, you know I already know that. It’s just... hard to tell.. with us.” 

“I know, but I know my brother, Hana. The way he looks at you is different too.” 

“We’ll see about that,” She brushed off the sentimental conversation. “Now try the set on.” 

“Pardon?” 

“Hello? I spent a shitload on it, you better try it on and send me a photo of yourself.” She instructed you harshly. 

“You want me to send you nudes?” 

“It’s not nudes if you’re wearing lingerie, genius, I need proof you at least tried it on before you let it waste away.” 

“Ugh, fine. I’m hanging up and trying it on.” 

“Good, you better send me a picture after or else I’ll call you every minute until you pick up.” She threatened very seriously, and you rolled your eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah, bye.” You ended the call, sighing when your sight fell to the gift in front of you. The red of the box should’ve given it away, but you always were a bit of dumbass, so what’s it to you?

You uncovered the lid once again, casting it aside to take the set out. You regretfully began undressing yourself in the closet to wiggle into the contraption, spotting a satin red robe as an extra part of the set in the box and you groaned, foregoing it. Once you actually figured the lingerie out, you looked at yourself in the mirror, swiveling around to catch sight of your every curve. 

It perfectly fit you. 

Damn you, Hana. 

It was definitely salacious as you glanced at your reflection, bra designed as half a racy bodice that tied in the front, pushing up your boobs into round globes. There was a strip of lace that lined the bodice’s edges, garters that came down from it and hooked around your thighs, practically serving them on a platter. The panties were of stain fabric with some cotton inside (good news for your vagina), lace adorning it’s cut outs as it thinned into three small straps around your hips. 

Safe to say, Hana did not pull a single punch with this one. 

You felt shy wearing the set at first, though admired how it actually accentuated all the right parts of you, displaying your body in ways that if it any man saw you right now, you were sure they’d be on their knees like Hana said. 

You snatched your phone and snapped a single mirror shot of yourself, conscientiously sending it off to Hana with an angry text you were going to take it off. You worked for the tie until you decided to look at yourself a little longer, turning your body around and biting your lip thinking you were wearing apparently everything Taehyung likes. 

The red you knew about, but he’s a lace guy, and especially satin?

Amusing, you’re using this against him one day. 

“Mr. Kim, you’re leaving early today?” Mrs. Lee asked as she peeked out from behind her computer screen. 

“Yes, could you reschedule that last meeting I had.” Taehyung shut his office door as he asked. “I’ve made other plans.” 

“Of course, I could do that.” She clicked at her keyboard, seemingly focused on a task until she asked. “Though may I ask of your other plans?” 

“Nowhere in particular.” Taehyung shrugged. 

“Hmm, I see.” Taehyung smiled at her as he began stepping out of his office quarters and into the hallway, Mrs. Lee’s voice suddenly reaching him. 

“Have fun with Mrs. Kim!” 

He stopped dead in his tracks and poked his head back in, never having said a name. 

“Mrs. Lee, I.. never mentioned Mrs. Kim.” Taehyung’s eyes held a hint of embarrassment, lips jutted out. 

“You have your Mrs. Kim smile on, sir. It’s alright if you’re going to see her.” 

Taehyung felt like he was being very easily read, and he was suddenly reminded why he hired Mrs. Lee in the first place. She’d always been excellent at figuring him out, taking note of the smallest things about him whether it be preference, habits or character traits, and that made his job a thousand times easier. 

Though in a situation like this, he felt like someone caught red-handed. “I.. um.. I just wanted to take her out. I’ll catch up on the remainder of my work at home.” Taehyung scratched the back of his neck. 

“Of course, sir. Enjoy the rest of your day.” 

Taehyung nodded shyly and began pacing further down the hallway, Mrs, Lee’s final words echoing off the walls. 

“Say hello to Mrs. Kim for me!” She cheered, Taehyung smacking his forehead as the elevator doors closed. 

You still hadn’t found a reason to take off the set, comically posing and fooling around without knowledge of how much time had passed. You stood still in front of the mirror for a moment, playing with your hair for it to fall into different styles. You were completely unsuspecting when you suddenly saw the closet door in the mirror’s view open, though became utterly horrified hearing a voice you knew all too well. 

Your husband’s voice.

“Y/N, I’m home-” 

He stiffened entirely on spot ambling in, his jaw dropping to practically the center of the earth. 

Your eyes widened in terror, your reflection looking back at Taehyung’s slack jaw and blown out eyes as he caught sight of your scantily-clad figure. You turned around rapidly to face him, arms trying to cover what little you could, so frozen up you couldn’t even consider yelling at him.  

“T-Taehyung, w-when did you get home?” 

Taehyung’s mouth opened and closed multiple times trying to construct a sentence, though he couldn’t think of a single coherent thing. His eyes could not for the life of him leave your figure, because holy fuck. 

He could see your wedding gifts sprawled around you, clearly having unwrapped one and somehow wearing his favourite everything on a woman. 

His sight darted around the skin he’s never once seen before; your breasts, your stomach, your thighs, and he swallowed dryly soaking in the lace hugging your body. He was completely captivated looking at his wife wrapped like a Christmas present in front of him. 

He then realized it was evidently a mistake he caught you like this and averted his ogling eyes, blinking numerous times to erase the erotic image and thoughts from his mind. 

But to no fucking avail, it was already imprinted so deeply in his brain he’d never forget it even after he died. 

“I.. uh, um.. I was just-I left work early because I wanted... to take you out on a surprise date.” Taehyung cleared his throat as his eyes kept coming back to scan you, hand clutching the door open as he malfunctioned. “What.. what-what’re you doing?” 

“O-oh I was just um.. was looking through our wedding gifts.. like I told you.” You wanted the ground to swallow you whole, squishing your thighs together as if it would conceal something, because this is by far the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever experienced. 

“Right, right.” Taehyung nodded senselessly trying to look away, though his eyes had a mind of their own as he found himself sneaking glances at the garters around your thighs, fucking garters. The satin was practically beckoning him, and the red lace paired with your nearly spilled out breasts sent blood places it really shouldn’t be right now. 

“Do you.. um, want to go out today?” He repeated his question, Adam’s apple bobbing extremely hard as he kept mentally reprimanding himself for his greedy glances.   

Your eyes followed the action, hugging around your body tighter to hide but it really only made your breasts pop more, Taehyung losing his sanity at the thoughts plaguing him.  

“Sure.. maybe in-in an hour?” 

“Sure. Sounds great.” Taehyung profusely nodded to himself as he started making his exit urgently, you calling him back. 

“Taehyung!” 

“Y-yeah?” He poked his head back in, eyes trained on only your face.  

“Could you-you know, maybe um.. forget this happened? I was just trying it on because Hana bought it and wouldn’t leave me alone until I did. P-please?” You pleaded guilelessly, and Taehyung could never understand how you were so innocent yet your body and actions sometimes were the utter opposite. 

“Oh yeah, of course, totally.” Taehyung waved off. “Erased, gone, Neuralyzed from my brain, what are we even talking about?” Taehyung stuttered out rapidly, your lips curving into a grateful smile. 

“Thanks.” 

He coughed. “Don’t mention it.”

Taehyung then quickly vacated his room with a deep breath and his mind racing, you squirming to put some actual clothes on. 

It was almost an hour later and you’d seen no sight of Taehyung as you readied yourself for your date, especially to your liking because you still felt extremely embarrassed about everything. 

You carefully walked down the stairs in pantyhose and a dress as you were met by quite literally nobody in the house. You didn’t spot Mrs. Choi or Seo where they should’ve been in the kitchen, finding it even more odd Taehyung was nowhere to be seen. 

You glanced around skeptically, considering whether or not everyone abandoned you as some sort of joke. Sauntering onto the first floor, your attention was stolen by the bouquet of pretty peonies you swiped into a vase earlier today on the dining table. 

You touched the petals delicately, reminiscent smile finding your lips upon remembering Taehyung bought them with you in mind. 

Admiring them was taking up your time until you glanced over at the kitchen, spotting some stray water around the sink, finding that odd. 

You quirked an eyebrow, thinking it looked too untidy for such precise people like Mrs. Choi and Seo. Ticking your head to the side, you set your purse and phone done against the island’s counter, grasping a paper towel to clean up the water. 

You were minding your own business in the midst of wiping down the mess, distracted until someone’s large hands abruptly grappled onto the edge of sink around you, caging you completely in with their arms from behind.  

You gasped, recognizing the slender, masculine hands with pretty bracelets adorning his one wrist, knowing exactly who it was. His entire front was pushed up against your back invasively, the heat of his presence coursing through your veins. 

“T-Taehyung, what are you-”

“I can’t forget it.” 

“What?” 

“I can’t forget it.” He repeated, his hot breath fanning your exposed skin as his face dipped to your shoulder. His hands gripped the edge of the counter hard, leaning himself further into you and you became very aware of your backside shoved against his crotch. 

“We-we have a date to go on.” You clutched the paper towel, nerves in your body alighting at him all up in your personal space, his body enclosing you, and now was the time you remembered Hana talking about Taehyung’s gifted size. 

Did he just have to have a big dick too?

“We’re not going on a date anymore.” Taehyung’s voice was dark and hot near the shell of your ear, jutting his hips so far into you your stomach was pressed up against the counter, losing all form of control.  

“Taehyung, Mrs. Seo and Mrs. Choi-” 

“I sent them home, we’re the only ones in this house.” His confession made your core ignite, the bubbling feeling of arousal now raking your insides as Taehyung remained in your space. 

“J-just the two of us?” 

“Just the two of us.” Taehyung stressed, his deft hands now encasing yours against the counter, and it was breathtaking how much larger they were in comparison with yours, how everything about Taehyung was. 

And definitely the hints of his length pressing up against your ass. 

“I can’t fucking stop thinking about you in that set.” Taehyung’s harsh breaths were tickling your skin, arousing you as the vibration of his voice sent shivers down your spine. 

You scoffed wanting to have some fun. “Satin and lace make you this weak of a man?” 

“Only when you’re wearing it. And trust me, I can make a mess out of you underneath me.” Taehyung breathed out hotly, his hips purposefully contacting your ass as his hands slithered around your stomach, pulling you flush against him. 

“Please, I can have you on your knees fixing my dress again before you do that.” You teased biting your lip, turned on way more than you should’ve been at his hands ghosting your abdomen. 

“You challenging me, princess? Because I was only being a gentleman, you have no clue how hard I can fuck you till you feel me in your throat.” Taehyung said it so roughly by your ear you gushed on spot. His hands trailed off on their own, one snug underneath your breasts and the other over your abdomen, clearly on two separate missions your body was nearly leaping at the prospect of.  

“I’d love to see you try, Mr. Kim.” You pointedly stressed, the constant feeling of his growing cock prodding your ass and breath fanning the junction between your neck and shoulder was sending into overdrive. 

“Mm, are you sure? Think you can handle it?” Taehyung’s tone was deep though held a concerned lilt, still trying to gain some sort of permission as if you weren’t ready to jump his bones right now. 

“Do you need me to take over, loverboy? All talk about dominance but can’t-” 

Taehyung’s hand suddenly darted down and cupped your sex through your dress so lethally your breath hitched, gasping at the euphoric feeling. His other hand snaked towards your breast and grabbed a handful of you, making you keen forward and press your ass against him. 

Taehyung’s large, skillful hands began doing their respective work; one fondling your tit and the other rubbing against your folds through your clothes. 

“You think you can just wear lingerie and not receive the consequence?” Taehyung questioned harshly, lips pressed to the shell of your ear as he lewdly touched you. “Think it won’t fucking ruin me with that image in my head?” 

“I-I was just trying it on.” You stuttered out relishing in his movements, his voice seriously authoritative and now you can see where his dominant, alpha male really jumps out. 

He scoffed under his breath. “Trying it on? You’re such a fucking tease.” His hand on your core began rubbing circles on your clit, eliciting breathy moans from your mouth that were bouncing off the kitchen walls. 

“Y-you’re one to talk, you think lounging around manspreading with fucking unbuttoned shirts and folded sleeves isn’t a tease?” 

“Oh? Innocent princess has had some dirty thoughts?” 

“Like you haven’t? I know the way you tense whenever I touch your chest or say your titles, don’t think I don’t notice- ah, fuck! Taehyung.” You moaned, feeling the pads of his fingers press into your clit harder with his other finding your nipple. 

“And yet you’re the one moaning out my name, so who’s the dirtier one?” His tone was lustful and teasing against your ear, had you reeling in his hold the faster he moved.  

“I thought you were the dirty one who said you’d fuck me till I feel you in my throat? Where’s that attitude now, cuddler boy?” You were quick to quip back at him but it only spelled your doom, his next words dangerous and coated with salacity. 

“You don’t get it, Princess. I’m big, you won’t walk the next day.” Taehyung’s hand then suddenly hiked up your skirt, shoving past the waistband of your pantyhose and pressing the pads of his fingers to your wet underwear, staining them with your slick delectably. 

You reeled at the touch, almost bent all the way over as Taehyung continued his merciless ministrations, the thoughts of his hands finally meeting your bare pussy and possibly his cock in you making you gush. 

“M-maybe that’s what I want.” You quivered out, gripping Taehyung’s wrist that was working your aching, clothed pussy. 

Taehyung puffed air through his nose, entertained. “My princess is dirty, isn’t she? What does she think about in that pretty little head of hers?” He asked amused, suddenly teasing your hole and it had your walls clenching around absolutely nothing, thinking about his fingers. 

“N-nothing.” You lied, not wanting to so easily give in as his sub, but it was so fucking hard when he was grazing your clit and fondling your sensitive nipples. 

“I don’t think you’re that innocent, princess. Tell me, tell me what you think about.” Taehyung was coaxing out your answers seductively as his lips finally met your neck, kissing and sucking the searing skin so sensually you were buzzing with pleasure. 

“I-I think about your hands.” You croaked out. 

Taehyung quirked his eyebrows amusedly. “Oh really, now? You think about my hands doing this?” Taehyung quickly slipped his hand inside your panties, the warm touch against your bare skin already so arousing until he slid them down to your bare pussy. You gushed a waterfall at the touch of his fingers, gasping out and hooking onto his arm desperately.  

“Fuck, Taehyung.” You moaned. 

“Where do you think about them? Here?” Taehyung glided over your throbbing clit and you practically twitched in his hold, him enjoying every last bit of the pretty sounds escaping your mouth.

“What about here?” His fingers swiped deeply into your soaked folds, your slick making it so easy for him to rub up and down your pussy like it was a game. 

“Tae, fuck!” You dug your nails into his arm, relishing in the heavenly feeling of his hands in the places you’ve always thought of. 

“God, you’re so fucking wet.” Taehyung praised, groaning pleasurably at how much slick you were producing. “Maybe you could take me, but I need to stretch you out, baby, you’re too small.” 

“Then do it, Taehyung. Fucking all bark but no bite.” You moaned out sexually frustrated, not knowing you hit a nerve in Taehyung’s pride and he plunged two greedy fingers into your pulsing center to shut you up.  

You sighed out a euphoric moan, leaning your head back against Taehyung’s chest, your world spinning. His fingers began pumping you deliciously, Taehyung groaning from the back of his throat against your neck at how warm and wet you were inside, how fucking tight. 

Taehyung quickly worked his other hand to free your breast from the confines of your dress, exposing it and you keened again feeling Taehyung’s fingertips play with your exposed, hard nipple.  

You felt yourself becoming submissive way too easily, moaning as you jut your hand behind and grabbed Taehyung’s semi-hard cock through his slacks. 

He practically keened over, strangling a groan so beautiful you’ve never once wanted to ruin a man more. You began palming him graciously, sighing out gratified moans as they mixed with Taehyung’s throaty sounds. 

He grew utterly punishing and thrusted his fingers deeper inside you for revenge, you squirming underneath him and it fired Taehyung up. 

“You know, I never knew you were hiding a body like this underneath your clothes.” His voice grew dark, dangerous as his hands were only increasing in speed and technique, your pussy growing wetter by the second. “So fucking sexy.” 

“Then why don’t you take off my clothes right now, sailor?” You challenged him, grasping his growing dick at the tip and Taehyung groaned in amused satisfaction. 

He ripped his hands away from you, you whining at the loss until he spun you around and crashed his lips against yours, kissing fervently as he grabbed for the back of your thighs. You kissed him back equally hard, jumping into his hold and letting him carry you to the island. 

He seated you on the edge, your legs spread out with Taehyung in between as your arms remained laced around his neck, his hands finding your sides. He was feeling you up hungrily as you both messily made out, your hands tangling in his hair. 

He moved to unbutton the front of your dress that kept your top half contained, popping it open to slide the useless dress off your shoulders. Your entire upper body was then bared to Taehyung, him disconnecting from your mouth in a haze to soak you in. You felt slightly self-conscious, arms wrapping around to conceal yourself on instinct until Taehyung stopped you. 

“Don’t hide from me, you’re gorgeous.” Taehyung looked into your eyes genuinely, like he entirely meant to adore you, and it only made you think back to when you didn’t know if he could be the loving partner you needed. 

But when Taehyung was looking at you like this, like there was nothing but unadulterated adoration in his coffee irises, your heart was leaping hurdles thinking he’s exactly what you’ve always needed. 

You smiled before pressing a chaste kiss to his plushy lips, Taehyung then drawing himself to your chest and trailing hot kisses down the valley of your breasts. 

You shuddered feeling his mouth near your nipples and Taehyung instantly discovered a weakness. He smiled against your searing skin, bringing his tongue to swipe across your perched nipple and you moaned loudly. Your chest arched dangerously when his fingers hooked onto your pantyhose and underwear, roughly pulling them down and past your plump ass. 

You gasped out in relief feeling the cool surface of the counter against you, pure pleasure raking your insides as you relished in the feeling of Taehyung’s mouth beginning to suck and lick at your perched nubs. 

You suddenly became aware of Taehyung’s very dressed figure, whining at the fact he was wearing clothes. 

“Taehyung.. your shirt.” You started pulling at the fabric, Taehyung never letting his mouth leave your breast as he quickly undid his buttons and ripped his shirt off himself. 

He discarded it and returned his hands to your body, only this time he harshly removed your bottoms from your thighs, tugging them down as you helped him. 

He shred off the offensive items entirely and threw them somewhere on the floor. You hissed at the feeling of your soaked pussy exposed to cold air, gripping onto Taehyung’s shoulders to manage the chill on your intimate parts. 

Taehyung then popped off your nipple and sucked at your skin as he laid you back onto the counter by his weight. As he leaned over your groaning figure, he kissed your stomach, your dress pooled at your abdomen. You moaned out in pure euphoria feeling his pillowy lips all over your skin, back arching off the cold surface of the marble counter. 

With your skirt being propped off your center, your core was bared to Taehyung, his fingers returning to rub sickeningly against your core and his other holding your legs open. 

“You’re fucking dripping, princess. I just know you taste as sweet as you sound.” Taehyung hummed against your hot skin, and you were affected by his words for a mere second before your hazy mind considered what he was going to do. 

As Taehyung’s hands hooked underneath your thighs and his mouth neared your pulsing core, your hands came out to immediately stop him, exclaiming. “Wait! You don’t have to do that, I-I’m supposed to do it first, aren’t I?” 

Taehyung quirked his eyebrows in confusion. “No? I want to eat you out, so I’m going to eat you out.” He declared drawing his mouth back to your core, until you halted his actions once again. 

“Look! You don’t have to force yourself or something, you really don’t have to.” Old thoughts and habits from spending nights with Kiseok came flooding into your mind, your needs seldom a priority and his usually the only meant to be satisfied. 

“Why are you- have you not been eaten out before?” Taehyung asked, his tone concerned. 

“Not-not really? I don’t know, I-I’m just not used to it. I was usually the one giving than receiving.” You admitted completely embarrassed, hands covering your hot face. It felt so entirely humiliating to admit something like this, squeezing your thighs shut to shrink into some sort of hole so Taehyung didn’t have to see you. 

Though his hands on your thighs pushing them back open reminded you he was indeed here, his words angry when he spoke. “You’re fucking telling me that asshole only ever- are you kidding me?”

“Does it look like I’m joking?!” 

“No, I just- that’s not fair, princess, that’s not fair at all.” Taehyung was storming holding you open, reminded all the same about why he’s only ever wanted to give you everything in the world. He couldn’t believe you were deprived of feeling like a princess, making him far more than determined to provide you with what you deserve. 

And determined he’d probably kill your jackass of an ex if he ever saw him. 

He scoffed humourlessly against your core, you shuddering at the feeling. “You deserve more than a universe.” Taehyung said to himself as he brought himself to kiss around your gushing folds, you squirming at just the feeling. 

“Taehyung! You don’t-” 

“It’s okay, Jagiya. I want to.” Taehyung began soothing your thighs with the pads of his thumbs. He held his mouth just before your entrance, his hot breath making you tense and nearly squeal, Taehyung muttering pacifyingly between your legs. 

“Shh, princess. Let me take care of you, relax for me.” You followed his word by taking a breath, Taehyung’s wet tongue meeting your palpitating folds when you exhaled. He licked a slow, thick stripe up your quivering cunt, gathering your slick on his tongue and you bit back an inhuman gasp. 

You nearly lurched off the counter, Taehyung’s satisfying tongue now masterfully licking into your folds as he kept you from shutting your thighs around him. He only spread you out further, delving his tongue deeper into your aching pussy and it was hilarious how easily you felt your insides coiling. 

This felt euphoric, otherworldly as Taehyung began licking you harder, swiveling his tongue in between your slit and flattening on your folds repeatedly. The technique of his tongue morphed into merciless kitten licks against your throbbing clit that were driving you insane, clearing teasing you and you moaned too loudly.

You slapped your hand over your mouth to not embarrass yourself, getting way too high off simply his tongue until Taehyung reprimanded you. 

“Don’t be quiet, Y/N. let me hear you.” Taehyung spoke against your core glanced up at you through his mussed fringe, his eyes entrancing as you looked down at him. “I wanna hear you say my name.” 

“T-Taehyung..” You moaned out making eye contact with him, his work on your pussy already edging you to places you never thought possible, his intoxicating eyes leaving you weak. 

“Mm?” He hummed against your folds, the vibration so heavenly you moaned out even louder and threw your head back, hands entangling in Taehyung’s hair messily.

“Taehyung.. don’t fucking stop.” You groaned, now chasing your high as you moved against Taehyung’s merciless mouth, and felt him smile against you. 

He then latched onto your clit so powerfully you tugged at his tresses, Taehyung groaning out satisfied as he suckled at your swollen bud. It was formidable, sickening the way he dared to look up at you with carnal eyes that had you submitting far more easily than you liked. 

But it didn’t matter when Taehyung was constantly sucking on your clit, laving at your pussy so passionately it’s like he was now trying to prove a point, trying to drive you insane. He suddenly shoved his long fingers into your weeping hole and you just about cried out, the sensation of him softly finger-fucking you as your walls soaked him in avariciously utterly divine. 

His movements became blissful and you weakened the more he sped up, licking and pumping you over and over and over again until your insides coiled so tightly, you moaned out an orgasm never felt before. 

You came hard, Taehyung’s name at the end of every sound and your body convulsed at the feeling, walls pulsing, pleasure overwhelming your every nerve. Taehyung tasted you through your orgasm, not letting up his tongue until he felt your breaths settle, kissing your near battered center delicately before you pushed at him from oversensitivity. 

He disconnected and straightened himself up, viewing your smaller figure laid out breathless and flushed underneath him. He watched your chest rise and fall rhythmically as you came down from your high, arm thrown over your hooded eyes. 

And Taehyung’s never seen anything so beautiful. 

He relished in your fucked out state, his dominant side momentarily thrilled as he smiled to himself. He leaned over your panting body, pressing his wet lips to yours. Your arm retracted from your face and welcomed his mouth, kissing him as you tasted yourself on his lips and became horney thinking he was stuffed between your legs seconds ago. 

The sight of your slick glistening around his lips when he detached his mouth made you adore him whole-heartedly. Your hands splayed across his cheeks, thumbs soothing his skin as you admired how much he just gave you in a matter of 20 minutes, far more than you’ve ever received in your entire lifetime. 

The sentiment nearly caught the back of your throat, eyes watering gazing at him, his eyes swimming with warmth. You threw your emotional thoughts away as you simply brought his lips to yours for another passionate kiss, melting into each other. 

He was smoothing over your sides again when your phone suddenly rang next you, startling you both out of the kiss. Your mutually surprised eyes elicited chuckles from the pair of you as you reached over for your buzzing device, viewing the contact name. 

Mother.

“What the fuck?” Your eyebrows knitted together, Taehyung’s lips contorting in question above you. 

“Who is it?” 

“My mother, I should probably answer.” Taehyung was shocked as he lifted himself off you, you rising into a seated position. 

You shuffled to the edge of the counter with an arm over your naked breasts, Taehyung lifting you off the counter and helping you down onto your feet. You nearly stumbled at the jelly-like feeling in your legs until Taehyung caught you from behind, snickering through his nose at what he did to you. 

You playfully narrowed your eyes at him as you clicked the green button on your screen. “Hello?” 

“Ah, Y/N, took you long enough to answer.” 

You rolled your eyes, “You never call, Mother. I was contemplating what person had a gun to your head that would have you calling me.” You quipped, Taehyung snorting as he abandoned you to instead slide the remainder of your dress down your body, leaving you completely naked as you stepped out of it confused. You stood exposed and cold for a second until he nabbed his shirt from the ground, draping it on your shoulders. 

“Very funny. Y/N, but there’s no gun. I’m calling for something important.” You looped your arm into one of his long sleeves, struggling for the other until Taehyung helped it on, turning around to flash him a grateful smile. 

“And what would that be? Your long overdue apology for the last time you saw me?” You spoke harshly, annoyed your mother completely ruined your fun with Taehyung. You pressed the phone to your ear by your shoulder as you buttoned Taehyung’s oversized shirt, turning towards him to mouth ‘can you get me some pants?’ 

He nodded and went off on his way, watching him disappear up onto the second floor as you returned to your suffocating mother. 

“Well, this is far from an apology, Y/N, more like your much needed discipline.” 

“As if that’ll work on me, I don’t even regard you as my mother.” You argued, arms folded as you drowned in Taehyung’s shirt. “What is it?” 

“You should watch your mouth, Y/N, what goes around comes around.” Your mother warned from her end, your attention stolen by Taehyung jogging down the stairs with a pair of your black sweatpants and still attractively shirtless. 

He thought about getting you pants but not a shirt for himself? 

Cute. 

He handed them to you as he drew near and you retrieved the item, pressing a gratified kiss to his chest as he smiled. 

“Says you, mother. You of all people should not be saying that.” You chastised her, hopping into your sweatpants haphazardly. They eventually hung at your hips and you smoothed Taehyung’s shirt over yourself, his arms enveloping you from behind into a snug back hug. 

You filled with butterflies in seconds draping a hand over one of his, not really minding your over-bearing, repulsive mother speaking on the other line. “But at this moment, I think it applies to you more.” 

You quirked your eyebrows, feeling Taehyung’s lips trail senseless kisses down your neck, his hands smoothing your stomach underneath his shirt. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean call your office, Y/N. Taking a day off didn’t do you well.” You instantly became alarmed knowing your mother, expression contorted in bewilderment as you abruptly ended the call with her, dialing someone’s extension at work. 

“Hello? Yeji? Is everything okay at the office? I’m sorry I wasn’t in today and I was just curious-” 

“Y/N!  Oh my God, I was just going to call you, everything’s fucked up.” Your co-worker complained into the phone, clearly shuffling around on their end and it sounded like chaos. 

“What the fuck happened?” 

“I don’t know Y/N, I don’t know but all I know is that we lost the deal.” 

“We what?!” You nearly screeched, catching Taehyung’s attention and he looked at you concerned. 

“We fucking lost the deal. Yun & Ryu called today and said they’re not interested in us for the project anymore, they’re choosing someone else.” 

You were exasperated, Taehyung becoming alarmed by what little he could hear through the receiver, even more at your rising anxiety. “Who the fuck are they choosing instead? We were their pick.” 

“Fucking Min Inc., Y/N! Your dad’s company!” 

And that’s when everything clicked, when you felt like air was sucked out of your lungs, mind collapsing into a million pieces. 

You instantly understood your mother crafted this behind your father’s back, knowing he’s currently abroad and away from headquarters. He’d always been adamant about never intruding on projects you were already pitching for, positive your mother must’ve appealed to whomever else was working this project at your father’s company. She must’ve also influenced or colluded with Yun & Ryu to choose their pitch over your impeccable one, irritating your soul. 

It made you even angrier considering your mother was always notorious for having built connections far and wide in the architecture world, her only real, favourable trait as a businessman’s wife. 

“Fuck.” You swore into the phone. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! Okay, tell everyone to stay there, I’m coming right now.” You hung up the phone quickly, running a frustrated hand through your hair as you felt like crying, screaming, just something to get rid of the anger inside you. 

You forgot Taehyung had been holding you this entire time while your blood boiled, his concerned voice sounding out when you removed yourself from his arms. “Y/N, where are you going?” 

“To work, I-I have to go. My mother.. she-” You clutched your fists as you aimlessly paced around, trying to maintain your indignation. 

“What? You have to go? What happened?” 

“That deal, Taehyung! That fucking deal I told you about, she stole it from me. She stole it and I have to get it back, I have to go.” You instantly snatched up your purse and started making it towards the door without a cohesive thought, Taehyung hot on your trail. 

“Princess, wait. I’ll take you, let me put on a shirt and I’ll drive you.” Taehyung offered, but you had no time. 

“No, Tae, it’s okay. I’ll drive myself, you stay home.” You said speedily as you struggled a pair of shoes onto your feet. 

“Just let me drive you, Y/N. I don’t want you going alone like this, and the sun’s already set.” He sounded worried, trying to reach you.  

“It doesn’t matter! I have to go, you don’t need to go that far for me, Taehyung.” You argued, frustrated as your purse kept slipping down your arm. 

“Y/N, just let me help you-”

“Please, Taehyung, please! I just-I need to go, I can handle this myself, okay?” You felt tears prick at your eyes, utterly tired and brimming with so much anger at your mother’s stupid pettiness it was too overwhelming. 

“My mother made this fucking mess because of me, alright? I’m the only one to blame, only I can be blamed. It’s all my fault, and I have to fix it, I have to..” Your voice trailed the more emotional you grew, vision clouding with tears as Taehyung came rushing to you, palms finding your shoulders.

“Hey, hey, Y/N, breathe, okay? You’re fine, it’s going to be fine.” Taehyung tried calming you down, pulling you to his chest for an embrace.  

You took his word and breathed, breathed as much as you could as you felt your emotions simmering down a little, nuzzled into his bare chest. You took one last shaky breath as Taehyung put space between you two, talking to you carefully. 

“Be careful when you’re driving, okay? I remember reading some snow in the forecast tonight.” Taehyung relayed as you stood rubbing at your eyes, trying to clear the tears that managed to escape. Taehyung reached for one of his coats hanging on a hook in the foyer, rounding it about your sullen figure and engulfing you in his coat. 

“It’s cold, and my coat’s warmer. If at any point you feel like you can’t drive, stop by a curbside with a lot of people and call me, okay? I’ll answer right away.” Taehyung assured you like a parent speaking to a child, holding the coat snug around you as your arms barely filled in the sleeves. “I’ll wait for you at home.” 

You nodded to him, snatching your keys from the tray and clutching them in your hand, taking another deep breath. You felt clearer now, determined to clean this mess up rather than dwell on your witch of a mother. 

“I’ll go now.” You said, stuffing your phone into Taehyung’s jacket pocket as he regarded you with anxious eyes, though didn’t let it compromise his dulcet voice. 

“Okay, be safe.” He responded uneasy, biting his lip. You followed the action and pressed a peck to his lips before you gave him a small, understanding smile, turning around as he let you go. You then exited through the door quickly, leaving Taehyung behind all alone. 

And when the house fell eerily silent, he couldn’t help but feel an ache in his chest thinking your smile didn’t meet your eyes. 

prev. ↞ || ↠ next ||  masterlist

extra a/n : i wonder how many people caught onto the way i referenced galaxies in this chapter 👀 (hint - inner child)

tags : @thedarkwinterrose @ayujaded @couldbeyourlast @ladyarmanto @anpanman-sonyeondan @apollukee @blueevelvt @taesluttt @scalubera @laurynne5 @dreamsindreamss @thequeen-kat @awsome-small-k @wrecklesssly @kweenhu @jalexad @koorby @bangforever @dyriddle @aianloveseven @waves-and-woods @hoefortaeshands @veronawrites @nightapple4jk @wataemelonz @aomi-nabi @katbonv @hantaev @jinpuddin @usamizuki @wooya1224 @bambuzlee @jenotation @tangledsparkles @pcyxljh @forbts-only @dumplingley @ccmemoirs @kleritata @thelilbutifulthings @maygem2780 @lachimolala95 @betysotelo18 @prettycoolting @opaljm @jeonlovers @honeyboocal @preciouschimine @enchantaeduniverse @hakko-bby @mrs-jeonjk @marvel-ing-at-it-all @rvdls96 @vaekth @taehyungkittyuwu @multistanbitxh @vantaesy @invincibletaetae @hispoutylips @cafe-gemini @ot7central @iwanttohitmyself @rlynotme @heyitsgracex @mama-m0chi @haileysoup @crystalizedmagic @yoonchrisgullwrites @allie-mcginn @vintageroses10 @ephemeralkookie @rocketxme @honey-littlegirl @croctusjuice @k-fb @itzybitzylovebug @sunas-bby @sugaslittlekookies @kimsamsoon95 @ppeachyttae @defjjks @sakurauchiha2018 @kbiancahirang @highkey-fangirling @bangtan-uwu @3sriracha @lovelyseomin @zippytheshark37 @my-current-mood-is @seolarsyj @drumsofheaven @moonsjoons @svftbaby​ @geekz077 @jeonchokoolate​

[eligrantbooks]

gotta vent about my day real quick

highlights of the day

> be professional ghostwriter.

Agreed to edit a 25000 word segment of a finished manuscript for a much loved regular client, who said the MC’s dialogue needed to be punched up. Easy enough. I figured it would take a few hours.

Was briefly excited to discover the manuscript was for a concept I had outlined and written several chapters for a few months ago.

Excitement rapidly dwindles as I realize that beloved client has hired another ghostwriter to write the majority of the book. Which would be fine, except this other ghostwriter has no fucking idea what they are doing.

Formatting is a god damn disaster and I spend several hours just getting the document into a workable condition.

You ever open a word doc, look at the navigation pane, and just see a wall of blank links, because someone applied the header formatting somewhere and then just hit enter a million times instead of using a page break like a civilized god damn human being?

in the middle of this forest of blank headers, actual chapter titles are scattered at random, and also they only applied the header to roughly one out of every five chapters or so, you know, just, when they felt like it. when the spirit took them. when the stars aligned. when the feng shui was right.

Also, apparently they like the way first line indenting looks but don’t know how to make word do that (spoiler: its easy as shit and takes like two clicks) so every once in a while they start manually hitting tab before every line, until they get distracted and stop for a while, luring you into a false sense of security before they remember and start doing it again.

Sometimes, when a scene transitions but they dont want to just end the chapter for some reason, they break it up with spaces. Other times, they like to use asterisks. Once or twice, just for flavor, they throw in one of those page width lines that word makes when you type a line of hyphens.

There is random highlighting in places, for no discernible reason.

Once I have the document formatted in a way I can bear to work with, I start actually reading through it. About the first seven chapters were written by the client. They’re cheesy but solid.

Then I get to chapter eight, and the suspicions i had begun to form while putting the formatting through traction (namely that whoever did this was a fuckwit) quickly crystallized into a shining certainty that my beloved client had mistakenly hired An Ass Clown.

Not just An Ass Clown, but An Ass Clown who thought 50 Shades was a beautiful love story, actually.

And they gave This Ass Clown, this literary reprobate, this paste eating remedial english mother fucker, my outline.

let me clarify that i did not expect to have sole control of this story when i produced the outline for beloved client, and I was okay with that. That’s how it works. If I’d been dead set on writing this myself, i wouldn’t have sold the outilne to beloved client. but it really rubs salt in the wound to have spent hours of my life crafting the bones of this story, which i really liked and was excited to see take shape

and then find out it has been put into the pie fondling hands

of An Ass Clown.

first hint that something has gone drastically wrong: the arrival of completely unnecessary and ridiculous fantasy names for things.

“oh we dont drink coffee in this book. it’s kofee. at least until three chapters from now when i forget and it becomes kofe. Oh, and watch out for those thornaby bushes! I’m going to misspell that one literally every time I use it! It’s entirely possible that this isn’t a fantasy name at all and I just have a small seizure whenever I try to type the word thorn bush!”

second omen of my impending anuerism: phonetically written accents which are so comically stereotypical and inaccurate that native speakers of that accent should be entitled to financial compensation, except they can’t even stick to the stereotype accurately, producing gems such as  “It’s not safe in that there pen with ‘em swine, young miss.” I don’t even know what accent that’s supposed to represent. To top it off these accent abominations are sprinkled in with all the consistency and reliability of a lactose intolerant cheese enthusiast’s bowel movements.

But this, I tell myself, moving on, is not my problem. I just need to punch up the mcs dialogue. It’ll be fine. I can do this. I just need to take this shit: “A fond idea, but I doubt I have that ability.” I joked. “I can’t imagine living without true sunshine. Even the triplet moons must shine less brightly without their sister sun.” and make it… not like that.

Except, and here’s where I start hitting the real roadblock guys

this book is in first person.

essentially, the entire novel is the MC talking.

So sure I can change the spoken lines, but her internal monologue

which is, i remind you, the entire narrative

her internal monologue is going to keep being maggie gyllenhal’s character from The Secretary if her copy of the script had been swapped with just a binder full of sonnets written by a middle school english class during the Shakespeare unit.

I get to chapter ten around three in the afternoon. I have been working steadily, with an unusual degree of focus thanks to my recent adderal prescription, since ten in the morning.

this is where shit begins to go truly bananas.

this is a YA beauty and the beast type fantasy

that good fun indulgent shit that’s almost as enjoyable to write as it is to read

usually. previously. before i had to endure this traumatic twelve hour experience.

Chapter ten is the first big “dinner” scene. this book isn’t being shy about pulling from the source material, but that’s fine. the beast “apologizes” (heavy quotes there) for having earlier used magic to force the heroine to answer his questions truthfully. They talk and almost seem to making progress for a bit, and then have a fight and storm off. Standard stuff.

Except, uh, the beast’s apology is, essentially “Yeah I shouldn’t have done that.” “so you’re apologizing?” “no but it’s the best you’re going to get so deal with it.”

and the headstrong, independent heroine who wears pants and wrestles pigs and dont need no man

just kinda rolls with this. There’s giggling.

They have their big dramatic fight, exit stage left, much angst and todo.

The next morning heroine wakes up to find the beast has (presumably) snuck into her room while she was sleeping and dumped a bunch of new dresses on her. he has also (apparently) replaced her brain with Bella Swan’s more vapid cousin.

She forgives him instantly. Because pretty dresses. She also starts calling him master, because why not. She has, over night, become the darling submissive Tumblr doms dream of.

This is not a bdsm book. I am eighty percent certain it doesn’t even include soft core smut. I’m telling you this so that you understand this transformation was not a contrivance in order to facilitate kinky sex. I have written a contrived set up to a sex scene or two in my day. This is not that. This is Not what is in the outline. I know, because i wrote the outline. It is My Outline.

No, The Ass Clown just… decided to do this. Apropos of nothing. I’m beginning to think the Ass Clown’s decision making process involves whipping pies at a comically large dartboard. And all the options on the dartboard are just “lol whatever”

By the time I get to chapter eleven, wherein our newly lobotomized heroine is “excited to wear a new frock and please the master!” - direct quote I have given up any pretense of editing dialogue and I am just straight up rewriting shit using the previous garbage as a loose outline.

I have eaten, maybe, three bites of a bowl of oatmeal all day. I have not taken a bathroom break since before noon. I have missed my deadline. Beloved client is concerned. I’m sure I can still do this, I just need a few more hours.

the words sound like truth but my soul knows i am a liar

I frantically restructure scene after scene, deceiving myself each time that it will be the last, and I will be able to get this crazy train back on the rails. But this crazy train has no interest in being on the rails. It’s a direct line no stops right off the edge of the cliffs of insanity.

The beast jumps unpredictably from homicidal rage and threats of violence to jokes and flirting as though he did not just declare her his property and threaten to rip her tongue out a few paragraphs ago. Heroine swoons and sighs and giggles regardless of whether she is dealing with Dr.Jekyll or Christian Gray on PCP.

But I’m still sure I can do this. I’ll just adjust these two full chapters to make her appropriately scared and angry, and then replace this weird conversation here with a heartfelt apology from him and an effort to do better. That will totally work. Unless, you know, it turns out that conversation I want to replace only starts out with them joking and laughing together, and turns into him berating and abusing her mid paragraph of a fuckin montage a page later! But, haha! Why would The Ass Clown ever do that? It would be completely irrational, tonally jarring and out of character! Only a seltzer slinging rainbow suspender-ed peanut butter fumbling son of six fucks would do that.

so of course The Ass Clown did that.

It’s eleven at night. I know when I’m beaten.

I inform beloved client that the Ass Clown has bested me and I can do no more.

She is very understanding.

I send her what I managed and I check the added word count while im at it

i added a full 6,000 words to that manuscript just trying to patch up this sloppy motherfucker’s lopsided prose and gossamer thin understanding of narrative structure

son of a bitch had about as firm a grasp of romance as i currently have on the trembling shreds of my sanity.

their grip on character writing could not be more tenuous if they had first dipped the target brand Hulk Hands which I assume they always have on their person into a barrel of adult-film-grade silicon lubricant and then taken their Leapfrog 2-in-1 Leaptop Touch down a waterslide.

Do you know how much I usually make for 6000 words?

$180.

Do you know how much I made for enduring this ass blasting, which I naively believed I could tackle in a matter of hours?

$100.

You owe me $80 Ass Clown. And I aim to collect.

Also I lost my damn mind for a minute and said the words "i dont know shit about fuck my guy” to my actual father on facebook

so there’s that.

[kleroterion]

Thoughts on Long-Term Unemployment

This is not a survival guide, nor is it a comprehensive tip list for getting through long-term unemployment (or, really, any period of unemployment). It’s a series of things that I learned while job searching for almost a year after I graduated from college. A close friend was looking for almost 3 years post-graduation, and another friend close to 8 months. This is not a unique experience and you are not alone. Granted, I had it easy compared to others - a supportive family, a place to stay and be cared for while I looked for a job, and enough savings to get me by. But it was a terrible experience and I want to at least try to help someone who is going through the same thing. These musings reflect my own experience and will not necessarily apply to everyone. This is a collection of notes and thoughts, not a panacea. I know at the end of the day you will go to bed with anxiety, no matter what I say. But maybe something here will speak to someone. I want to try.

—

Phone interviews/pre-interviews are increasingly common, which gives you an opportunity to have notes in front of you and to be in a comfortable environment while you talk. Take this opportunity to really shine - you’ve got the advantage. A lot of people have phone anxiety, but think of it as a way to cater the conversation to your space: you can have information pulled up on your computer, spread out hand-written scribbles in front of you, and be dressed in comfy pajamas. Make it so that the interview is on your terms - times are typically highly negotiable because it’s just over the phone, so you can pick a time that represents your peak efficiency mode.

If you can, try to participate in something during this long stretch of time. This is something that requires a financial safety net, so it won’t work for everyone (I’m sorry). Try to find activities that you can talk about in interviews or that can build your resume (and aren’t just filler): Volunteering (Meals on Wheels, at a library, homeless shelters, anywhere or anything), helping a political campaign, learning a new skill (like InDesign) or language, or studying for an exam you know you’ll have to take (the GRE, LSAT, MCAT, etc.). Take advantage of this time if you can. Getting out of the house and socializing is really important during these hard times and working towards a goal or helping others is a way to move forward when you feel so stuck (and can put things in perspective).

Open curtains and windows. Being cloistered up with only fluorescents or lamp light isn’t super conducive to mental health (in my opinion). Air out the house. Let natural sunlight in.

People in the relevant industries should consider having an online portfolio, and that url should be placed prominently on one’s resume. WordPress is free, and employers (especially in that industry) like to see applicants with 21st-century skill sets. Demonstrate that you can navigate website-making tools while also showing off your talents. If you can, buy a domain name, but it’s not essential. WordPress has enough versatility on its own to get what you want and to let people see what you are capable of.

Yes, you will have to write cover letters. And not everyone is good at this. Because you’re going to be applying a lot, have a template that you can customize to each job. It should be something general enough to work for many outlets, but you need to make a point to make it unique to that company, and tailoring it is essential. You won’t necessarily need to write a new one from scratch each time, but make sure to let them know you’re talking to them, not just anyone. Read the job description and incorporate their needs with your skill set into the letter. Try to make your letter a narrative rather than a formulaic sheet of information that they can easily glean from your resume. What experiences make you qualified for that particular job? Why are you the best candidate, and how can you prove it? Find a way to show patterns and traits in your life that define you as a person, and tie it into your employment and experience.

Self-care is a thing for a reason. Stay hydrated. Shower. Do the dishes. Getting up in the morning can be really hard. There’s a lot of disappointment in long-term unemployment. Taking the little steps each day when you don’t want to will keep a sense of control and order in your life. A pile of dirty dishes in the sink, clutter and laundry, dirty hair: no judgment. Seriously. I understand depression. I’ve been there. I’m there. But those things, while seemingly just aesthetic, really do impact you mentally. If you can try to stay on top of those things, you might be able to get to the bigger stuff. I don’t think you’ll ever feel bad after doing any of them, and getting just a few things done tends to propel you just based off of action - an object in motion stays in motion.

Resist the temptation to sleep in. When you’re unemployed for long stretches of time, it’s so, so tempting to let yourself sleep until noon, but you have to fight that urge. Please trust me on this. When you do finally land a job, early hours won’t be as much of a shock. Also, waking up with a chunk of the day already over is disorienting and, to me, tends to be less productive. Everyone is different, but I think staying on a schedule with relatively early hours is more stable. I slept until roughly 9 a.m. - this is a luxury to some people, and crazy early to others. I think 9 is a good choice because it fits close to an 8-to-5 schedule but still allows you some extra time in bed.

Networking will not necessarily save you. I had many, many people working in my favor inside companies and it did nothing. The job that I landed (and love) was a hire where I had no referral or contact. People like to hype up networking as the key to success, and I’m sure it is - once you’re in the industry. Networking works for some people, but I truly don’t believe it should be your focus or concentration. (This of course varies by what your career path is.) It’s all about volume: apply, apply, apply, apply. And then apply again.

Most of the time, you’re not going to hear back from an employer after you apply. That’s how it is now.

Don’t be ashamed to file for unemployment. These resources are there for a reason. You might as well take the opportunities (the few that are left) that the government has to offer. If you are actively trying to look for a job but cannot get one, there is no shame in asking for help from the people you pay taxes to and who in return provide services for people in need. The social contract goes both ways.

Be prepared for group interviews. These are happening more and more now. 75% of my interviews were with 2 or more people. Don’t let it put you off. In some ways, it’s easier to have a conversation when there are more voices in the room, and they are usually there to gauge chemistry more than they are to grill you (in my experience). And while I’m on the subject of interviews: cliche questions still occur, but many questions related to my experience and real-life scenarios on the job or in life. They want examples - times you stepped up, times where you might have failed but bounced back, times you showed leadership. Have stories ready. Yes, sometimes I’d get an occasional “What’s your favorite hobby?” or “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” and you should have answers ready for those. But lately the trend is about showing them you are a good fit for the job, rather than summing yourself up in three words.

It’s really hard to get a government job. They take forever to get back to you. They typically hire internally. It sucks. USAJOBS is a pain. You should know this ahead of time.

There will be bad days. There will be bad weeks. There might be bad months. Keep applying.

You will be tested. Quite literally. For almost every job that I got a response from, I was required to take further action, and sometimes in multiple phases, before an interview was even set up. Companies are being really choosy right now because they know they can. It’s disheartening, but it’s best if you are rid of the illusion that you stop taking tests after college. I had to take actual exams, write multiple-page projects, do short quizzes, come up with proposal ideas, and fill out interview questions all before I spoke to someone. It’s frustrating but also the reality that I faced.

It’s okay to be a little bit picky. Especially at first. You don’t have to settle immediately. Apply to the passion jobs and the long shots. Make sure you know your deal-breakers, and don’t feel guilty about sticking to them. If you really don’t want to work in a certain area or do a certain task, don’t apply to those jobs. So don’t feel bad about that. But just know that there may come a time later when you will have to compromise.

Sometimes you have to play the game. You should get a LinkedIn account and monitor your social media. I know. I resisted it for awhile, but it’s something that a lot of people say is important, and employers do want to see an online presence of some kind. LinkedIn is a “respectable” way of doing it, and keeping your social accounts relatively clean is the best way to go. (Coded language for “hide your tumblr”? Perhaps.)

A lot of the time, rejection really isn’t about you. It’s almost impossible to believe that, and a part of me still feels that it was personal, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever think otherwise, but I know logically that isn’t true. I have heard from hiring managers and HR people that job listings have to be posted even if the vacancy is planned from the start to be filled internally. This. Happens. Too. Often. To. Count. Also, the job market is FLOODED. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s rough. It really is. The competition is fierce. It isn’t necessarily about you. But it still stings.

Try not to beat yourself up if there are days where you don’t apply for jobs. No one is perfect. You can have a break. Binge watch Black Mirror (no, seriously, watch Black Mirror) but come back to your search. Don’t go too far down the rabbit hole.

Don’t follow a resume template. This is a tough one and hard to really delve into in this setting, as it is so unique to every person. It takes work and oftentimes a guiding hand to get a great resume. I’ve had multiple hiring managers and a career counselor tell me that when they see a cover letter that looks different from the rest, they are immediately interested. Use segments, boxes, and graphics rather than a linear, wordy timeline of your employment and education history. You’re more likely to get interviews if you use a narrative rather than bullet points and facts. Describe your experience and accomplishments in concise, substantive language (no filler!), and highlight your technological and practical skill set in a section all its own. (Computer programs/coding, web design, media production, and writing/communication are all good things to emphasize if they apply to you.)

Use your college resources: your professors. I got a freelance research project from a professor I had a deep connection with, and used others as a support system during hard times. Some places have good Career Centers (mine didn’t), and others have alumni or honor society job networks. I personally don’t have any experience with those so I don’t know how effective they are, but I can attest that bonding and having communication with various professors in your field is psychologically and sometimes monetarily rewarding, and might help more than you think in the short and long term. There’s more incentive than a good grade when it comes to befriending your teacher.

Don’t stay in the house for longer than three days at a time. It’s obviously not a hard and fast rule, but things got really tough for me after that length of time without either being in the light or being around people. It might be really hard, but try to get out at least every few days in some capacity. Long-term unemployment is rife with apathy and entropy, and succumbing is not difficult in that environment. If you can, get out.

I absolutely detest Monster.com. I think it was utterly useless; it got me nowhere and I was left with a bunch of unhelpful spammy emails with terrible listings. Indeed had good matches to my skill set and interests, but I never heard back from a single one. My best experiences came from Craigslist. Real, legitimate corporations advertise there, and I got many interviews from respectable places via Craigslist. I highly recommend it. There are some neat, unconventional postings, but just keep your eyes open for anything sketchy (you know how the internet works). I ended up getting my current job, however, through its website (I work at a theatre). I also got some responses that way, too: going to the websites of individual places you want to work and browsing their Employment section. Also, consider freelancing, package delivery, tutoring, substitute teaching, and other part-time gigs while you look for something permanent and full-time.

In between applying for jobs (which itself should be your full-time job), read that long book series you’ve been wanting to get to forever. Start - and finish - that cleaning project you’ve been putting off for years. Go through your home and donate anything you don’t need to Goodwill or local homeless/battered women shelters. Write that poem or novel that’s been in your head for a decade. Go for the 7-minute mile. If there’s something that’s been on your mind, now is the time to do it. Create. Organize. Contribute.

When it comes to letters of reference, go for quality over quantity. It’s better to have 2-3 really strong, glowing references than 4-5 mediocre ones. The better they know you, the more they will invest in the letter, so choose from the best of those in your life. Employment references are the most useful, but academic ones are great too, especially if they are particularly positive. Only use a personal reference (which is a non-family member, usually a friend/religious advisor/etc.) if they ask for one. Also, I’ve been told it’s outdated to include references with your application (and they should only be given upon request), but I couldn’t say for sure if it matters or not.

[saritashoemaker]

Most evenings…Oh how I loved this peaceful existence.

The time has come and gone to secure being Camp Hosts again for the most spectacular place ever:  Lake George in Mammoth Lakes California.

We will not be Hosting this year but our dear friend Mona WILL be!

Lake George is NOT the same as other campsites in Mammoth.

I wanted to give you a few pieces of advice to ensure you have a VERY FUN AND RELAXING STAY.

First Come, First Serve

Don’t bring an RV.  They don’t fit and the campground was not paved for RV’s.

You will MOST LIKELY experience BEARS.  Be smart: put EVERYTHING in your bear box.  Putting it in your car is not a bear box and they WILL open the door to get the food.  They can actually lift the handle and open the door OR they can bash out your window.  Either way, your car will not be left in good condition.

DO NOT LEAVE FIRES SMOLDERING.  You SHOULD have a bucket of water next to your camp site before you even START a fire.  If you leave a fire smoldering you will have the privileg (which is what it is) of staying there revoked.  The Camp Host is NOT an enforcer, it will be the Authorities on your case and they don’t mess around with this risky behavior.

There are winds and the best sites to avoid them are #16 and #15.

You get ONE CAR per camp space. Additional cars can be parked in the lot, no problem.  You just can’t occupy another spot without paying for it.  You get a Car Pass when you pay for your site.  Be sure you post it on your rear view mirro.

I have no idea what the camp fees are going to be this year (2018).  Check the Mammoth Welcome Center to find out if the camp is open (it was delayed in 2017 and did not open until July 17th.

Be nice to your Camp Host, she can accommodate most needs but the reality is she can only do SO MUCH.

The worst days to try to get a camp site are Thursday,Friday, Saturday.  The best days are Sunday (when everyone is leaving) or Monday.

Checkout is NOON, don’t bug occupants for make “side deals”.  Check In is 2pm.  You must PAY for the site and OCCUPY IT.  You are not allowed to pay for sites and not actually camp there.  Don’t ask the Camp Host to break the rule for you.  If your site isn’t occupied with YOUR GEAR then we are obligated to give it to the next person ready to move in.  This is a big issue: people believe they can reserve/save spaces but you are not allowed to do that.

We do not have a Credit Card machine.  Cash only.  I forget if you are allowed to write a check (I don’t think you can).

You can stay in a site 7 days MAX.  In 2017 the rule was you had to vacate your site before you could come back.  That means there may not be a site after you leave so plan ahead.  There are Walk-Up sites in Lake Mary and Twin Lakes.  Be NICE to your Camp Hosts if you want help finding things.

Clean up your campsite when you leave.  We understand that in the night you drop things and it’s tough to navigate around BUT in the morning when you are packing up you can definitely see your trash, fishing line and greasy messes left on the tables and bear boxes.  DO NOT LEAVE A MESS, we are Hosts not your maid. Be a respectful guest and try to leave the place NICER than when you arrived.

Do NOT come to Lake George to get high, drunk, fight or play loud music.  Seriously.  The Mammoth PD patrol often (every day) and will remove you.  PLUS people go to Lake George to get AWAY from this stuff.  Want to “party”?   There are plenty of other camp grounds you can find.

There are no showers at Lake George, only bathrooms with toilets and sinks.  No electricity either.  Oh, and the visitors to Lake George use the restrooms too (and mostly they keep it clean but they are also mostly guilty of leaving trash all over the place including fish guts).

You are not allowed to clean your fish at the water spigots. OR YOUR BODY.

There isn’t cell signal at the campsites.

Closest showers are Lake Mary or in town.

There is a small store at Lake Mary that has essentials (most of the time).

We usually had firewood for sale, $7 a bundle.  Bringing exact change helps of course.  I think the grocery store sold it for less.

READ YOUR RECEIPT if you shop at the only grocery store in town (big box).  They overcharged me REPEATEDLY and it wasn’t until I’d been in there a lot of times complaining that it seems this behavior changed.  I personally suspect they know people are only there for a few days and won’t take the time to fix the mistake.  So BEFORE YOU LEAVE scan over your ticket and make sure it is exactly what it should be.  If you see an error just go to the front desk and they will refund your money INSTANTLY when you tell them you were charged for items you did not have on the belt.

Grab a map of the area if you plan to hike because there are no maps provided up here.  You can get maps at the Welcome Center.

Be nice to your neighbors, they are probably amazing people that you’d like to stay in touch with years to come.

Be nice to your Camp Host!  If you would like to be a Camp Host, check out the company that we worked for: California Land Management.  The pay is terrible but you do get to park your “house” on site for no charge.  As a Host we did have “Full Hook Up”.  The pooper was a mascerator (poop puree system) and had to be pumped UPHILL to the restroom.

I sure wish we were able to be there for the 2018 Season FOR SURE.

Being a Camp Host was one of my most favorite jobs ever for two reasons:  LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION (we feel so lucky to have been chosen to run Lake George as well as Oh Ridge in June Lake) AND the incredible people we met on our journey.

Let me know if you have questions!  And if you are reading this and were part of our 2017 Camp Season PLEASE send me an email so we can keep in touch!  SaritaShoemaker@g m a i l.com (spaces added on purpose).

Check out our photos of our stay at Lake George – it was tough looking at those memories and not being sad that we aren’t going to have them again this year.

Larry McGee gave me some amazing bear coverage photos that I’ve included.

Maybe 2019 (fingers crossed).

RARE: A map of the campground.

Most evenings…Oh how I loved this peaceful existence.

You need this to park your car in the campsite.

Our first WEEK we met Cinnamon the bear.

Perfect campsites.

Raking and perfecting my sites.

Houses on the other side of Lake George are OWNED by people.

I cook, they jaw jack and enjoy the fire side conversation.

The Mammoth PD coming to the rescue!

Have a map but…still getting lost.

Bike Path! Highly recommended.

Visiting with friends that were rolling through was so cool!

Geting Zoey to do more than lay around.

Mark your calendars! This was a tough one – we ran in SAND.

More Police presence. And they’re all super nice officers.

Forget something? Check here first. Thrift Store.

Photo Credit: Larry McGee

Photo Credit: Larry McGee

Photo Credit: Larry McGee

Photo Credit: Larry McGee

Photo Credit: Larry McGee

Photo Credit: Larry McGee

          Lake George...Sad Face We will NOT be Camp Hosts for the 2018 Season but we do know who WILL be! Here are some good tips to make your stay THE BEST possible. The time has come and gone to secure being Camp Hosts again for the most spectacular place ever:  Lake George in Mammoth Lakes California.

[campfiresandsandcastles]

A Travel Guide for the Triangle Tour of East Texas: Dallas, Waco, Austin, Houston, and Fort Worth

We recently visited east Texas and travelled to 5 cities in 8 days. Our trip took us to Dallas, Waco, Austin, Houston, and Fort Worth, essentially making a large triangle on the map of Texas. Here I recount our whirlwind tour and provide some helpful hints for your future travels to these major cities of Texas.

Itinerary

Day One - Dallas

Day Two - Dallas

Day Three - Waco

Day Four - Austin

Day Five - The Woodlands, Houston

Day Six - Fort Worth

Day Seven - Forth Worth

 Day One - Dallas

Arriving late the first day we spent the night near the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport at Dallas Marriott Las Colinas in Irving, Texas. The hotel had a perfect location given it was so close to the airport, but it was also across the street from the Toyota Music Factory, which provided lots of options for eating establishments, especially dinner. Plus, we came across the first of many larger-than-life bronze statues of western scenes that we soon learned are common across Texas. A square near the hotel had these beautiful stallions traversing a fountain. The area was under renovation when we visited, but the statues were still so majestic to see.

Meander Among 90,000 Pumpkins

We rented a car for our entire trip since we had a lot of driving ahead of us, and we spent the first full day in Dallas. The amount of attractions that Dallas has to offer is impressive. We spent the day at the Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Gardens, and since we visited in autumn, they had their Halloween and Thanksgiving display of over 90,000 pumpkins. The arboretum is beautiful and huge, spanning 66 acres. It is a popular spot to take wedding and quinceañera photos.

Plus, we paid to enter the children’s area named The Rory Meyers Children’s Adventure Garden. I recommend visiting this section of the park, it has tons of environmental and science interactive displays including water cannons, a life-size tree to climb, and a maze.

The food options in this area are a bit slim, there’s a food spot advertised but it’s really only vending machines with tables for picnicking. Your best bet if you plan on staying in this section for any length of time with the kiddos is to bring a lunch. The main body of the arboretum has a stand to buy a quick lunch, plus a higher-end restaurant with linen tablecloths (it didn’t really look like a great place for young kids). We also saw a kiosk which looked like it served some yummy grilled cheese near the main entrance too.

Entrance to the arboretum was $15 for adults and $10 for children, plus an extra $3 for the children’s park.

We rounded out our first day with some very Americana activities including a trip to the arcade Dave and Buster’s, a visit to Half Price Books bookstore, and dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. The bookstore was so cool. It was huge and sold both used and new books. Plus, it had a large display of vinyl records, which just added to its retro vibe.

One observation I had about Dallas is that Dallasites (i.e., people from Dallas) do not stay home on Sundays, instead they go into the city. Every place we went to was packed with people. Strangely, the roads were not congested, but every place we visited – the arboretum, arcade, bookstore, and restaurant – was completely full of people. You go, Dallasites, way to take advantage of all your city has to offer!

We spent the night closer to the city of Dallas at Towneplace Suites Dallas Mesquite to be able to take full-advantage of time. This hotel was really lovely, but it ended up not being as close to downtown Dallas as we originally thought. But, we did get to park our rental car in the parking lot for free, which is difficult to find when you stay in the city of Dallas itself.

 Day Two - Dallas

Feel Small Among Giants

As I said earlier, Dallas has a lot of attractions. We spent the second day in the Perot Museum of Nature and Science ($20 admission for adult, $13 for child). Such a cool place. First, the building itself is remarkable. It somewhat looks like the side of a limestone slab or cliff with cavities of blue glass in it which serves as an escalator. You actually start at the top level of the building and work your way down through the exhibits.

Plus, it’s full of these amazing life-size displays of dinosaur skeletons. You feel so minuscule standing under the skeleton of a brontosaurus-type dinosaur or realizing just how huge prehistoric turtles actually were. Plus, for fun, they periodically turn off the lights and project colored lights across the dinosaur bones creating a disco-type atmosphere.

Also, there are a number of just plain clever displays. One of our favorites was an interactive topographic map. It was a box of sand that showed the topography, by color, as you moved and piled the sand.

My son’s favorite display was a screen where you danced or moved around and dinosaur avatars mimicked your movement, so you can make breakdancing dinosaurs!

There was an additional temporary dinosaur exhibit at the museum that cost extra to attend ($10 for adult, $8 for child). However, we did not feel that the additional exhibit was any more spectacular than just their normal dinosaur display, and it wasn’t worth the additional cost. Also, the museum has a cafeteria, but unfortunately the food was not good. My husband’s hamburger, for example, was a shrunken charcoaled piece of meat, and it was overpriced, so I would not recommend eating at the museum.

Stand Among a Historic Must See

It seemed that it would have been a travesty if we visited downtown Dallas without stopping at Dealey Plaza, the site of President John F. Kennedy’s assassination in 1963. It was such an impactful experience to actually stand on the grassy knoll and on the whited painted “X” on the street which indicates where the motorcade was positioned when the bullet killed the former president. Places we’ve only seen in grainy films from that day or television specials since then became hauntingly real. We simply walked around the historic area and read the various plaques and displays, but there is also a Sixth Floor Museum of the Texas School Book Depository and gift shop. Plus, there are plenty of willing tour guides and conspiracy theorists around this area if you want to “learn” even more.

Before we left Dallas for the night, we stopped at Pioneer Plaza to climb among the famous life-size bronze sculptures of 50 long-horned steers located at the corner of Young and Griffin Streets. Interestingly, if you climb up to the top of the hill that the steers are navigating down, there is a historic pioneer graveyard located there.

I was simply surprised to learn all of the attractions that the city of Dallas had to offer. Our two days there did not even scratch the surface of the various venues we would have liked to have visited. So, here’s a list of additional attractions that may be of interest to you, and be sure to let me know about your experience when you visit any of them:

Texas Theatre in the Oak Cliff neighborhood where Lee Harvey Oswald was found and arrested

Dallas World Aquarium

Galleria – Shopping mall with an ice rink in the center

NorthPark Center – High-end shopping mall, with notable sculptures.

Dallas Heritage Village at Old City Park

Texas Discovery Gardens – Ten themed gardens and they release butterflies at noon.

Fountain Place – 5th largest building in Dallas and home to Ewing Oil in the TV show “Dallas” with 172 fountains. Located at 1445 Ross Ave.

Dallas Museum of Art – Eclectic display. Free to enter. Plus, Klyde Warren Park located across the street has food trucks.

This night we spent the night in Waco at Waco South Towneplace Suites to be ready for our next day in this famous Fixer Upper town. Just a short walk from the hotel was Saltgrass Steak House, which provided a hearty Texas meal with plenty of red meat and the most delicious pumpkin cheesecake.

 Day Three - Waco

Waco, the city made famous by just two events, the Branch Davidian raid with David Koresh in the early 90s, and the more recent hit HGTV show Fixer Upper which reveals the life of the sweet Christian family of Chip and Joanna Gaines as they flip houses from outdated 70’s-style ranches to shiplap laden gorgeousness. Just to note, we visited because of the latter, not the former. 

In preparation for visiting this city, I even listened to the audio version of Chip Gaines’ then-recently published book “Capital Gaines” during the flight. It provides good insight into how this couple turned a small, home decoration store and construction business into the major enterprise it is today, while sharing some honest truths about running a small business. Surprisingly though, for all of Chip’s charisma and antics on the show, his voice was pretty monotone on the audio book and I have to admit did lull me to sleep a few times.

Come Hungry and Eat Well

We started our morning of the third day eating breakfast at the diner that Chip and Joanna Gaines recently opened named Magnolia Table where they serve Texas-size portions of French Toast, pancakes, eggs, and housemade tater tots. The employees at the restaurant are plentiful and beyond friendly. We were even greeted in the parking lot by an employee stationed there just to say hello to everyone who got out of their car. The diner also has a gift shop and an outdoor café where you can order coffee and such while you wait to be called for your table. Be prepared though, this places is popular, and for that reason they have a well-oiled machine of Disneyland-esque employees that politely redirect you if you attempt to (heaven forbid) try to walk into the restaurant. Thou shall not peak behind the curtain until your name is on the waiting list and you’re called inside to be seated. No looky-loos.

Visit a Paleontological Dig

With our bellies full, we journeyed to the north side of town to see a very cool place, the Waco Mammoth National Monument. For a nominal entrance fee of $5 for adults and $4 for children, you take a guided tour down a short path to this active paleontological site where they have discovered the nation’s only recorded discovery of a nursery herd of Columbian mammoths. This place was well worth the stop. You can actually peer down on real dinosaur bones that are still encased in the ground. Our guide was so knowledgeable and entertaining, it was such a pleasant and educational experience. I highly, highly recommend it.

The Real Reason for Staying in Waco

We then visited the Mecca of Waco, Texas, that is Chip and Joanna Gaines’ Magnolia Market at the Silos. The property consists of a bakery, a home goods store, a garden center, a grassy area for romping around and playing lawn games, and a slew of food trucks. We stood in the line for the bakery that wrapped around the corner for their famous cupcakes, ate lunch from the food trucks, and wandered through the store picking up small items that would fit in our suitcase. The Market has free parking that is connected to the property off of 8th Street plus there is street parking, so feel free to skip the lots that offer parking for a mere $10. And like any good Christian store, the Market is closed on Sundays. They also have a discount store called the Warehouse Shop located on Bosque Blvd.

There are three other attractions in Waco that we did not visit but are worth mentioning. Again, if you check these, please let me know what you find:

Dr. Pepper Museum – I mean, why not?!

Harp Design Co. shop – The carpentry and now home good store made famous by Joanna Gaines’ devotion to the work of Clint Harp in Fixer Upper.

Baylor University

Overall, I was surprised that the city of Waco did not take more advantage of the fame that Fixer Upper brought to their city. The Market brings tens of thousands of people to Waco every day, but the city doesn’t seem to have capitalized on these visitors. The areas around both Magnolia Table and the Silos appear to be exactly the same as they were before the attractions existed. The shops and businesses are few and mostly look older and a bit rundown. There are no attractions in these areas of the city other than these two establishments. I guess I just expected the area to be bustling with boutique shops and restaurants, but none were to be found. 

We finished the day by traveling to Austin to spend the night. We stayed the night at the boutique hotel called Hotel San Jose located in the South Congress area. The hotel is clean and hip and a refurbished two-story motel with polished cement floors in the rooms, a small outdoor bamboo-lined siting area, and tiny rectangular pool. We really liked it and it is a nice alternative to the sometimes sterile large-chain hotels.

We grabbed dinner at a burger place on South Congress in Austin called Hopdoddy Burger Bar, which is a chain restaurant, but they made some outstanding burgers.

 Day Four - Austin

Pay Homage to the Lone Star State

We started our day in Austin at the Texas State Capitol. This is such a beautiful building. Rather than disrupt the charm of the original building when they needed to renovate for additional space, they decided to tunnel underneath the land to create underground offices for the expansion. You are welcome to enter the building, peer up at the ceiling of the rotunda, and find your way through the underground labyrinth with its skylights that allow natural light in from above.

Walk 6th Street 

From there we walked the famed 6th Street that is lined with nightclubs and bars. When my husband and I visited Austin a decade ago we loved the evening we spent at Pete’s Dueling Piano Bar, but we had to pass this time given we had underaged kids in tow. I have to say that 6th street also seemed a lot grittier since the last time we visited. I know it’s best visited at night, but I was surprised by the amount of filth. We did manage to snag some donuts from the famous VooDoo Doughnut which serves crazy donut concoctions 24 hours a day…but cash only, no credit cards accepted.

Travel by Scooter

The real fun we had was when we visited the Ann and Roy Butler Hike and Bike Trail which is a paved trail along Lady Bird Lake (a.k.a. the Colorado River) in downtown Austin. We walked the area of the trail by The Long Center for the Performing Arts. The area is resplendent with rentable scooters and my kids each rode one around the trail. It is this amazing phenomenon that is happening around some of the larger cities (sorry if you’re already aware of this scooter invasion…we’ve been living out of the country for a bit). Rentable scooters are simply ditched in various popular areas, you activate and pay for them by using an app, ride them around for however long you choose, and then drop them wherever you choose. The scooters available in this park belonged to Bird and Uber. The kids had the most fun scootering while my husband and I enjoyed a peaceful walk.

Do Not Miss the Bats’ Mass Exodus

From the trail, we walked under South Congress Avenue Bridge and watched the massive amounts of bats that roost there during the day take flight at dusk from under the bridge. Just a constant stream of black little beings fly out together in mass and disperse into the night. It’s a major attraction of Austin and a definite must-see.

We ate dinner at Lucy’s Fried Chicken on South Congress which is obviously famous for its yummy fried chicken, but also its oysters. The décor is Texas retro with plenty of neon signs. We enjoyed sitting outside in their area with picnic tables lighted by string lights. Oh, and you’re encouraged to leave your mark on the walls of the restaurant too, so bring a Sharpie.

Overall, Austin has changed since our visit 10 years ago. It used to have a funkier vibe and was awash with food truck parks, but the vibe is now more business and the parks are virtually non-existent. Instead, they’ve been replaced by paved parking lots and high-rise buildings that employ the tech influx from Silicon Valley. Most troubling is that my favorite restaurant in Austin, Frank, which served the most delectable melt-in-your-mouth pork butt sandwich I have ever eaten, was shuttered. A notice on the door stated they had not paid their taxes. Beer steins still lined the bar and empty chairs sat around tables with their place settings intact, as if all of the patrons and staff had simply left mid-service. It made us wonder if the major migration of Californians to Austin had changed the atmosphere of the city, and just simply made it too expensive for the funky, homespun haunts of the past. I hate to think that another Googleplex will be standing in this spot during my next visit to Austin, but I would not be surprised.

 Day Five - The Woodlands, Houston

I’m hesitant to even say we visited Houston, because we really did not. Instead, we traveled from Austin to the northern area of Houston called The Woodlands. Part of the purpose of this trip was to explore potential areas that we may be interested to live in in the future, hence The Woodlands. The Woodlands is a beautiful area in northern Houston that has done a very good job of doing what the name implies, maintaining the woods. All of the streets in this area are tree-lined, and even the strip malls are placed a good distance from the street and hidden behind stretches of trees.

This master-planned community has a central area with a town green, lined with high-end stores. Think Tiffany and Rolex-type stores. It is a really beautiful area, but we ultimately wondered if we may not have the income level or age level to fit in with the other patrons. It seemed like a great community if you’re retired, drive a high-end car or SUV, and enjoy passing your afternoons having lunch at an outdoor cafe on the green talking about your golf club membership. In contrast, we lunched at Potbelly Sandwich Shop, which is a chain sandwich and soup shop that I frequented during my college days in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

From The Woodlands we journeyed back through Dallas and ultimately landed in Fort Worth for the night. We stayed at the Courtyard Marriott at Fort Worth’s Historic Stockyards which had the coolest Texas cowboy decor. It was by-far the nicest Courtyard we’ve ever stayed at. And…wait for it…they even have a Starbucks inside.

 Day Six - Fort Worth

I LOVED Fort Worth! What a pleasant surprise. First of all, the Fort Worth Visitor Center website is full of useful, clear information on the city and things to do in it. It is probably the best and most organized tourist bureau website I have ever seen. I highly recommend visiting their website before traveling to Fort Worth.

Watch a Long-Horn Cattle Drive

Our hotel was located in the area of the famed Fort Worth Stockyards. The Stockyards is a multi-block area of old-time saloons, western wear shops, the rodeo, and typical western-type things. I loved every bit of it. Twice a day they do a long-horned cattle drive right down the center of the street.

We also watched an entertaining old-time shootout complete with a stern Sheriff and his comical deputy side-kick. The area also has plenty of BBQ restaurants and stores selling cow hides, saddles, and spurs.

Plus, the Stockyards Championship Rodeo is held every Friday and Saturday at 8pm. Our hotel gave us free tickets and we had a blast. I sure do love my rodeos and this one did not disappoint. It had all of the traditional competitions including bull riding, barrel racing, and team calf roping. Plus, it had some fun activities for kids of different age groups to come down in the arena and run around for a prize, and they had a hilarious audience participation game that I won’t share anything else about because I don’t want to spoil the surprise ending…

Walk Among a Waterfall in the Middle of Downtown

We also drove and walked around downtown Fort Worth and visited Sundance Square. It is a cool area with water fountains, an outdoor area with chairs for sitting, and shopping. In the south area of downtown, we stopped at the Fort Worth Water Gardens. The Water Gardens are these large water displays that you can walk around and interact with right in the middle of the city. One is a waterfall feature where you can walk down large steps to reach the bottom by the rushing water. Another is a large tranquil man-made pond that is sunk 20 feet below ground.

Fort Worth is also home to:

TCU (Texas Christian University) – Beautiful grounds with a huge football stadium. The horned frogs and purple banners are displayed everywhere throughout the city.

Kimbell Art Museum

Fort Worth Museum of Science and History – An interactive museum

Texas Ballet Theater

Panther Island Pavilion – A beach where everyone sits in inflatables to see a band playing on the side of the river. So unique and cool.

Fort Worth Zoo – With a splash zone.

 Day Seven - Fort Worth

Our second day in Fort Worth was spent driving around the city and outlying areas looking for potential areas to live in the future, just in case. We really loved this city and were so impressed with the city’s cleanliness. The roads, sidewalks, parks, and buildings were all so clean and well maintained. It was remarkable and impressive. The citizens definitely take pride in their city, and it shows.

We spent the final night back in Irving at the same hotel where it all began (Dallas Marriott Las Colinas in Irving, Texas) to be near the airport for our very early flight out the next morning.

Helpful Hints

Location: Dallas, Waco, Austin, Houston, and Fort Worth are located in the eastern side of Texas, forming a large triangle between Dallas, Austin and Houston.

Accommodations: We are avid Marriott Rewards members, so this trip we stayed at Marriott accommodations that best suited us and our every growing teen-age kids, except in Austin where we chose a boutique hotel in a popular area of town.

Tolls: Be prepared to pay lots of tolls as you navigate through Texas. However, you cannot pay cash for the tolls, they are all automatic tolls charged via your license plate. So, if you rent a car, be sure to read the fine print on how the rental car company handles the tolls or you may be hit with a large toll charge when you’re done, which will amount to mostly fees charged by the rental car company itself. Ask me how I know.

[mredwinsmith]

Coaching Peaks and Valleys Pt 1

Pat King’s article recently came across my news feed. Shortly after NYNY won the first of their five consecutive open titles (1989-1993), we got our hands on the VHS tape of that title game.

By late 1989, I had maybe eighteen months of playing under me, and I watched that tape nonstop for the better part of six months. Pat was Johnny Dawkins, Phil Ford, Skip Brown, John Kuester, Len Bias, and Jordan all in one. His passion and pace were unassailable. In the article, Pat mentions he’s coaching the men’s squad at Santa Clara University. Because this is a fact and because he was such an inspiration to me, I was motivated to look back at the eight seasons I coached and reflect on some of the moments you wish you could have back. I navigated mostly all of the peaks and valleys on the Frisbee terrain and my takeaway is all positive, yet still those times remain when you wonder how things may have transpired had the gamble gone differently. It’s pleasure and pain.

UNCW Seamen. 2011 Atlantic Coast Regionals. Wilmington, North Carolina.

The Seamen were a 3 seed behind Virginia and Virginia Tech and looking at a one bid region. On Saturday we defeated our opposition 39-12 and our first three games averaged an hour a piece. The next morning we opened with Towson at 8:30am. After our O made the score 12-4, we rolled 3 on defense in 4 possessions to close out at 15-4, but somewhere in those last three points the trouble started. Our defense started calling fouls on their receivers and the game grew real chippy. Towson resented this and rightly so. The game was essentially over and the calls were not calls our D had a habit of making and worse, they delayed the end of the game. On game point, Towson turned the disc over in our red zone and after punching it in we moved on to face Virginia Tech Burn in the semi-finals. Virginia Tech had a relatively easy go of Saturday as well, defeating their three opponents 39-17.

We opened the semifinals holding serve on our fourth try. Sizing one another up for the next few points, we quickly pulled away and had 2 times to break for 7-2 but only managed a TMF. After Burn took three tries to cut our four-point lead to three, we rolled two to take half 8-3 and one hour in we were feeling pretty good. But you’re never up by enough. Pulling and down 4-8, Virginia Tech came zone on the second point from half and then person d on the next two points and our lead went from 8-3 to 8-6. Off the third pull, they came zone again and we were able to extend the lead to 9-6, but only after three tries and the energy expended in those three tries is impossible to regain. Adding stress to that loss of energy, Burn’s women and the Towson men’s team began crowding the sideline at this point, along with a handful other schools beyond Richmond. Their seasons over, yet their hardline heckling was just getting started.

Pulling at 9-6 our D earned a Callahan and a second TMF as well. The one sideline now packed end to end with college kids in full postseason revelry feasted on this. At 10-6 we feel like we have some breathing room, but maybe the moment fueled by unruly college kids thrilled by your every mistake was too big. Undaunted, Burn’s offense scores with a few passes and they get their D back on the field. That point took thirty seconds at best for Burn and it was clean, efficient and poised Ultimate when they needed it most.

Burn must have rostered four guys at six feet tall and taller that season playing in a 4 person cup. They came with that set the next 3 points to roll 3 breaks and knot the score at 10 even, game to 12. The women’s semi-finals began at the same time as the men’s. In those games the losing teams scored a total of 8 points to the winners’ 30. In the other men’s semi, Virginia Night Train made quick work of Delaware 15-9. In separate factions they all made their way to our field. Around noon, the locals, mostly rec league all-stars and UOA sympathizers, began arriving dressed for a picnic with their coolers and strollers in tow, though their interest wasn’t directed at the Seamen as much as the forthcoming women’s final between UNCW Seaweed and UNC Pleiades, featuring future Callahan winners.

From 8-3, we were outscored 7 to 2 in essentially thirty minutes’ time. Four out of their five breaks came on one possession and those same four came transitioning from their four person cup, after mostly uncommon and uncharacteristic doinks and mishandles. Maybe it was the chippy calls against Towson catching up to us, but I’d rather tip my hat to Burn’s defense. At 10 all and receiving for the fourth point in a row, the numbers were in our favor as a fourth consecutive break was unlikely, and Burn came down in person d. We scored quickly and when the hard cap sounded during the next point, Burn’s offense buckled and we broke for the win 12-10. We were outscored 7-4 in the second half and while we advanced to play in the finals, rarely was a victory so deflating.

Winning in the hard cap left us barely any time to readjust and get over their 3 and 4 point run. By 12:30pm we had played 42 points to Virginia’s 47, but the last half of our semi-final with the crowd pressing in and the stress of Burn’s four-person cup and one bid looming in front of us was on everyone’s faces. ‘No Weak Faces’ we preached. No palms up body language. Additionally, when you are the team everyone loves to hate, you learn to place your concern on the team in front of you and embrace indifference with the team and/or teams thus eliminated. There is a degree of the NYNY factor here: you beat up on some second or third tier teams on Saturday and Sunday morning, you exchange trash talk and call the game the way you believe the game ought to be called because after all, you are not the inferior team, and then those inferior teams, because they don’t want the postseason to begin just yet and because they for the moment possess an overblown sense of what they bring to the table, sit on half empty coolers with their women’s team and 2nd and 3rd tier friends. I’d rather be starving than sit at that table; however, seven years later here I am writing an essay in hindsight and the long journey to the middle is complete – My apologies to Lester Bangs for the device.

The minor and major factors leading up to the finals vs Night Train created a perfect storm and while they advanced and took the one bid, I don’t feel that they were better that season – they won when they had to. They finished 1-3 in pool play at Nationals and 3-3 overall, and while we may not have fared better, the shadow of that one moment is still there. After receiving and going up 1-0 on our second try, we had one chance to break for a two point cushion but missed out. With six total possessions between both teams and the score even at 1s, the Ultimate didn’t get much better, or prettier. It mirrored the crowd. With their O getting 1 on the board, their D line rolled two for 3-1. We managed an easy O point for our second goal and then easy took a back seat to grind. Again, our D gained possession and we had one shot to tie at 3s but had no such fortune and a potential tie game was quickly a five-point deficit. Down 2-6 and having suffered two quick breaks, our O was put to task on the ensuing point and we fought off four break chances before turning it over in Virginia’s red zone, giving up a third straight break and to go down 2-7.

For an instant, the clouds parted and we managed a quick O point and our D was back on the field. Certainly, if our D could get a third try at a break we’d get one, and one could lead two. Pulling at 3-7, we earned a quick one and cut their lead to 3. As a coach, which way do you want things to go here? A quick point to keep up the pressure, maybe cause some finger pointing, or longer uglier points to keep their O on the field and your O off the field getting much-needed rest? If you are a guaranteed a break, you want it ugly perhaps, but there are no guarantees here, except the one that says you have one another’s back. Down five and the game beyond a picnic, we are now down two at 5-7 and pulling for the third point in a row and Night Train is looking to take half for the fourth consecutive point.

Freeze. Give me these 70 seconds back. Rest on the line and call timeout at ‘ten seconds to pull’; send all but the pulling D line to the shade, and following the timeout, turf the pull, concede the point and get off the field and in the shade with the others, with water and food and wet towels and music and a well-timed joke, recharge and refocus for the next 45 minutes. A three-point deficit and pulling at half is not insurmountable and after all, it was our home field. More often it’s not about the lead nor the margin you trail, it’s energy and keeping that energy. Up to that last point of half, the finals saw 12 points scored on 31 possessions. 19 turnovers in less than an hour. Seldom is it in Ultimate that you’re served an opportunity on a platter to bend it in a particular way to where you don’t suffer an earful from Frisbee cognoscenti adamant the game must be played this way at all times.

We aimed for the third break. Our D line was foaming at the mouth, fired up after two breaks. No bread was ever broken between these two teams and Virginia stewed for a year over us knocking them into the backdoor bracket in 2010, a game where the observers marked the score incorrectly and we had to win twice. A few passes into the point, we get hit with a TMF for backpacking. Virginia scored, spiked the disc and took half 8-5. The bulk of that half was squandered quarreling over what just happened instead of what was going to happen. Minutes later, it was 12-5 Night Train. We managed only 2 more in the second half; 2 points on 8 possessions. Virginia scored 7 on 9 possessions, both turns by their defense, keeping our O on the field. Overall, our O received 14x, scored 5x, and played defense 13x. Season over. Now leaning in with a certain alacrity only identifiable if you lived here long enough, the hometown crowd eventually enjoyed their picnic as the Seaweed dismissed Pleiades 15-3 in a game that was never close.

Unlike the next year when Georgetown rolled four on our three-point lead to knock us out in the quarters of another one bid region – Towson first on the scene and no filter on the schadenfreude, there was no road trip home with a 5th year player where you try and offer something, some perspective to assuage the emptiness. But what can you say? This year they departed as they arrived. All alone or in twos and with no practices to look forward to. Who is to say what might have transpired had we bent half-time and turned the game into something else? Would our fortunes have faded so quickly? I do know that the handful of fifth-year boys we had, boys who are now men and who went on to have decent open careers with Ring and the Flyers, deserved better than that, on that day. And that’s the trick to coaching: You want to win and you want so much for those trusting your authority and decision making, but often it’s not about scoring points.

The post Coaching Peaks and Valleys Pt 1 appeared first on Skyd Magazine.

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[leadershipinalison-blog]

Week 5: Reflecting on the Encore Card, Attending the LEAP Gala, and New Project Idea!

Wow! Week 5 has come and gone, and I honestly can’t believe I am entering the latter half of my LIA experience. New developments are happening with my work at East West, and I really immersed myself in LEAP because the 35th Anniversary Gala happened on Friday! During the beginning of the week, I was at EWP finishing up partnerships for the Encore Card with Kelly. We have successfully connected with 26 businesses (!!) and we are really excited to move on to creating the Encore Card and also working on improvements for the intern experience (in regards to the Encore Card) for incoming students at EWP. While we faced challenges working on the Encore Card, I think Kelly and I were able to make the experience successful by consciously taking note of each other’s work styles, and thus figuring out how we could work together to both optimize our strengths and improve on our weaknesses. Kelly definitely took the lead in terms of mapping out which businesses to visit each day, and created Google docs to organize our progress. It helped a lot that she already knew the Arts District/Little Tokyo area fairly well (especially since I have zero sense of direction). I like to think that I contributed through the personal interactions like approaching businesses, being a second eye on the documents, and discussing ways to improve the intern’s Encore Card experience. 

During the whole process of putting together information packets, visiting businesses, following up with them, and now beginning to create the new cards, Kelly and I have found it very important to reflect on how we can make the process more efficient and the card more useful to users. After discussing our experiences with each other at length, and also talking about it with other interns, we met with Monika to reflect on how our work was going, and ways we thought we could improve the Encore Card experience. For example, a problem Kelly and I noticed was that the Encore Card isn’t actually used that often. We began to understand this when returning partners would turn us down because they were not interacting with consumers who actually used the card with them. When we approached returning businesses, many times the everyday employees would not know what the Encore Card was. I also received feedback from a business owner who said that he never used the card, despite going to partner businesses regularly. Kelly and I proposed a new idea, to make the Encore Card into a keychain (thanks for the pitch, James Choi! aka owner of Cafe Dulce!), but unfortunately EWP does not have the finances for that. Monika did like our other suggestions, like listing our Encore Card partners on the EWP website. This way, our subscribers and donors can look at more specific data about the benefits they will receive by joining our community. Looking forward, we also suggested that EWP might want to develop an app that could centralize information about their productions, and also act as a digital Encore Card for subscribers and donors. Monika was telling us that EWP has never received this kind of feedback from interns, which to a certain extent makes sense, especially considering a new group of interns work on the Encore Card every year. Without continuity (of the people who work on it), I think the Encore Card has become functionally antiquated in many ways. I hope that Kelly and I’s suggestions on how to improve it will help make the Encore Card a more useful program, as it has great potential! Through this process of working on the Encore Card and giving feedback on it, I am realizing the importance of new energy and fresh eyes on different projects, as well as fostering a work environment that is welcoming of feedback and innovative thinking. Additionally, I have really appreciated being a part of an organization like EWP that has so much history behind it, but I am also realizing that being an established institution leaves you at risk of getting comfortable in work processes that become redundant or inefficient. I don’t mean this in a robotic/unemotional way, but more that it is so important to dedicate our passion and energy in a way that optimizes impact and reward. Especially in a nonprofit that is always busy and in-demand of energy, it is essential that we make things smoother and easier for ourselves when we can. To put it simply, I think we feel happier and more invigorated when we approach projects that we know will give back and have a purpose in our communities. I think the weaknesses that Kelly and I have found in the Encore Card, which have largely come out of the overcapacity that characterizes nonprofits and a high turnover rate of interns, can be improved on over time by focusing on making the Encore Card more accessible to cardholders, and on the flip side, more streamlined (in term of applying/reapplying) for businesses.

Wow, that reflection on the Encore Card was a lot more in-depth than I thought it would be... but anyways, on to the gala! What an affair. LEAP set everything up so beautifully - outside, there were high tables for people to gather around and talk, and streamers and stars strung in the air in a pagoda-like fashion. Target was our main sponsor for the event, so the color theme was red and white. In the VIP area, there was a beautiful set up in the bamboo garden with ethereal white lanterns and lovely ukulele music played by Jason Arimoto. The VIP reception was where I was assigned to take photos for our social media campaign, so I spent the beginning of the gala asking VIP attendees if I could take their photo, chatting with LIA interns and alumni, and enjoying delicious hand rolls prepared by Kazunori. At first I was quite nervous about approaching people to take their photos, but over time it became easier. I received some unwanted attention from men overcompensating for their masculinity, but I think I navigated it quite well. Note to self/curious readers: if you are young, and quite a bit younger than the creeping men, mentioning your age in conversation is a smooth way of setting up a roadblock. You will likely need to deploy other tools besides mentioning your youth, but it is a nonthreatening strategy that can potentially protect you from unwanted conversation/further unwanted attention.

I had so much fun during the gala dinner (the food was delicious!!), and it was so fun to hang out with the other interns and feel a little glamorous. I also spent some time with other volunteers, and I really enjoyed Fuzzzy’s performance. He is actually part of Kollaboration LA (an org that showcases API entertainers), which is being held at East West Players, so it was cool to see his success being reflected in Little Tokyo at the gala as well! To top it off, we all received $100 gift cards from Southwest as gala attendees!! I feel extremely lucky to be a part of the LEAP community and receive these opportunities and privileges, and the gala has definitely been a highlight of my LIA experience.

On Friday, our morning was focused on giving feedback about the gala and then heading off to lunch with LEAP’s board of directors. We mainly had positive things to say about the gala, and we realized that a lot of our critical feedback had to do with mishaps related to Givergy’s responsibilities. The fact that the shortcomings of Givergy negatively affected LEAP’s fundraising during the gala will have tangible consequences on its programs and growth as an organization. Hopefully problems will become at least partially resolved when Givergy and LEAP engage in conversation post-gala. After discussing the gala, we put together our Flipagrams/mini movies about our nights at the gala. Hopefully mine will be up soon on LEAP’s social media! 

At noon, we headed off to Fu-ga for some lunch and networking with LEAP’s board. Honestly, the beginning felt really awkward for me. I wasn’t sure where to place myself because separate conversations was happening among interns and board members, and I was stuck in empty space. I am really grateful that Linda saw me looking a bit distressed, and introduced me to a board member. Before we sat down for the lunch, I ended up having a really good conversation with a director named Jim Lactaoen, and we ended up sitting next to each other during the lunch as well. As the lunch progressed, I was able to engage in meaningful conversation with all the directors sitting around me, and they ranged from discussing my LIA experience to Hawaiian food franchises to intensive Korean SAT training. It was strange how all these conversations came together because of our connections with each other, ranging from our ethnic identities to our travel experiences to our generational differences. I was also very conscious of how my participation in our conversations was predicated on class privileges we shared. For me, this mainly involved my upbringing in Hong Kong and international school education, being able to travel around the world, having access to college preparatory programs, and, related to class, being East Asian. When I have these kind of conversations, I like to acknowledge these preconditions, in that particular space, I did not feel comfortable enough to do so. This is not to say that other people in the room were unaware of how privilege played a role in our conversation, but I think that consciously creating space to address privilege is necessary to breaking down classism and systems of oppression. I hope that in the future, when I might be a mentor figure, I can foster and participate in these kind of conversations.

Friday was also a big day in terms of our community impact project. We have decided to change our idea from creating a workshop, and shift to a project that is centered around our identities and experiences. I think that the workshop idea had potential, but mutually we felt a sense of discomfort at the likeness of our project to that of helicopter advocacy. To be brief, helicopter advocacy is the concept of entering a community that you do not have a connection to, trying to make an “impact” on them through research, outreach, and other kinds of activities, and then leaving the community without any intention or means of maintaining a sustainable relationship. Helicopter advocacy is self-centered and a privileged activity. Historically, it has often involved rich and/or white people entering poor and/or colored communities for “research”, “philanthropy”, and other white-savior-complex activities. In regards to my feelings about our workshop idea, I mainly felt comfortable with it when we were leaning towards making it for college students. I thought we could center the workshop around our own experiences as a cohort, and invite fellow college-aged API students we knew to participate. We would be a very specific community addressing API issues, and I felt comfortable with this idea because it was a community I identified with. However, my sense of comfort with that audience only resolved a small part of the larger issue tied to us as a cohort not being from the LA area, and thus not knowing how best to serve the LA API community, and furthermore, assuming that LA APIs would want some sort of “help” or “impact” from us. I feel much more motivated and at ease with our new idea, and I am excited to share it with you all.

Our LIA 2017 cohort will be creating a mixed media website that features art pieces about our API identities, our CBOs, and ourselves as a cohort. Works will range from short films to moodboards to zines, and our aim is to create a resource about the complexities and diversity of the API community, open a window into the amazing work done by our nonprofits, and also reflect on ourselves as a group. Our community impact will be online, and later on, we will be strategizing on how we will get our website out there, the audience we want to target, and how we will maintain impact beyond the end of the program. I won’t disclose my project ideas yet, but stay tuned for my next post to find out what they are :) I am really looking forward to the self reflection that will come out of this community project, and I hope to learn more about myself, my fellow cohort members, API organizing, and what it means to create change.

[likedbuzz-blog]

Republicans Try And Navigate Tense Town Halls

http://likedbuzz.com/republicans-try-and-navigate-tense-town-halls/

Republicans Try And Navigate Tense Town Halls

Congressman Dave Brat, R-Va., back to camera, answers questions during a town hall meeting with the congressman in Blackstone, Va., Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2017

SHIPPENSBURG, Pa. — Rep. Lou Barletta sat on a stage in front of about hundred attendees in a half-filled gym, wearing a yellow and blue striped tie and white shirt, a pen clasped in his hands. He wrote a few things down. He took his thick black-rimmed glasses off, then put them back on. He leaned back in his chair. He stroked his chin.

The audience, several of whom had been part of a 40-person protest, chanting “Hey Lou, get a clue!” before the event started, sat quietly listening to Barletta and the rest of the eight-person panel discussing the opioid and heroin addiction epidemic in the area. At times, several people raised signs in silent protest: “Obama Cared,” “ACA Saves Lives.” At no point did any of them utter a word in disagreement.

The relative lack of protest that greeted Barletta, one of President Trump’s earliest and staunchest supporters stood in stark contrast to the raucous and often hostile crowds that greeted some of his colleagues at public events around the country this week.

The current political climate poses a quandary for Republicans, home in their district for the 10-day recess. Schedule no public events, and spend the recess being dogged by protests and stories about avoiding one’s constituents. Schedule a town hall, and risk a gaffe in front of a raucous crowd and a growing number of cameras. The risk that anything you say will be used in the attack ad in a few years, or don’t show up and get attacked for that instead. Video of former Rep. Ann Kirkpatrick hastily leaving a 2009 town hall, for instance, appeared in her opponents’ campaign ads in several elections.

Those members who have opted to do public town halls have largely been those who readily wade into combat. Take for instance South Carolina GOP Rep. Mark Sanford, who held a three hour and 38 minute series of town halls on Saturday morning and is a member of the Freedom Caucus, a group of conservative hardliners and libertarians both who find themselves regularly warring with their own party. Others, perhaps less sure of their footing, have steered clear, opting to take questions on the telephone, Facebook, or radio town halls. Barletta’s choice to focus on a single, serious issue affecting his constituency, perhaps dissuaded any kind of open demonstration.

“I believe they saw the seriousness of the topic that we were talking about today,” Barletta told reporters afterward, applauding the protesters for remaining silent and not disrupting the event.

But those members that waded into the fray have worked to find ways to control the situation — with varying levels of success.

The first person to get in line for Virginia GOP Rep. Dave Brat’s 7 p.m. town hall on Tuesday had arrived at the Herb Cottage restaurant in Blackstone, Virginia at noon, wearing a sweatshirt from the Women’s March. A self-proclaimed grandma carried a sign with a catcher’s mask in the middle, aping Brat’s recent comment that there were women “all up in my grill” at another event.

“I was a supporter of upending Eric Cantor because he had been there way too long and was too cocky,” Terri Dougherty told likedBuzz News while waiting in line for the event to begin. “But the more I listened to what [Brat] said, the more I realized, I kind of miss Eric Cantor. I mean he was a weasel, but…”

When the event hit capacity at about 200 people that evening, the crowd left outside roared with each of Brat’s remarks, evidently able to hear the speaker system through the window. Inside, his comments were met with boos and jeers from the approximately half of the crowd that was there to object to his stances.

“Some of you are as boisterous as Trump, but I loved every minute of it,” Brat told the crowd.

In Metarie, a suburb of New Orleans, Republican Sen. Bill Cassidy was greeted with jeers and boos by a crowd of more than 200. They were unhappy with the Trump administration and the Republican controlled congress, and they were newly unhappy with Cassidy, who arrived nearly 30 minutes late because he was touring tornado damage in East New Orleans. A mother confronted him as he took the stage, demanding to know what he would do to help her sick daughter if Obamacare was repealed.

Cassidy had originally hoped to start the meeting with a power-point presentation about his legislation to replace Obamacare. But the crowd was having none of it, and he struggled to be heard over the increasingly angry shouts.

Frustrated that his repeated pleas for calm went unheeded, Cassidy began answering a series of questions submitted before the event, starting with a question about his position on Trump’s travel ban.

Cassidy, who has opposed the travel ban in the past, seemingly started to win over the crowd when he explained that his work with doctors from Iran and other countries had led him to believe that even those who are not full citizens are essentially Americans. “For all practical purposes they are us,” Cassidy said to applause from the crowd.

But when the pre-prepared questions moved into a repeal of Obamacare, he once again quickly lost the crowd, so much so that at one point police escorted a man out who demanded to know whether Cassidy would vote for repeal without first having a replacement plan in place.

Cassidy, maintaining a smile despite the insults and anger, dropped the cards and agreed to take questions from the crowd.

The decision seemed to pay off. Although still clearly angry, the crowd became increasingly more cooperative, quieting down to not only allow constituents ask questions — but to listen to what Cassidy had to say in response.

In Virginia, Brat’s staff handed out pink note cards on which people could write down their questions before the event. The mayor of Blackstone acted as emcee, reading off questions and attempting to quiet the crowd when Brat began to answer. But his pleas went unheeded, so Brat finally took a different tack: when people got too loud and started shouting over him, he said, he would simply stop answering that question and move onto the next one.

“We’re gonna have discourse and we’re gonna have it one at a time,” Blackstone Mayor Billy Coleburn, acting as moderator and enforcer, told the crowd when they grow too rowdy.

“That’s fine, that’s fine,” replied Brat. “Let’s just get through a lot of questions.”

Barletta took a different approach. Though it was a public event, it was not technically a town hall, and in the lead-up to the event, Barletta’s office aggressively pushed back on the idea that this forum, a panel with a moderator asking questions, would bear any resemblance to the raucous town halls some of Barletta’s colleagues were hosting.

“Just to clarify, our office is not hosting a town hall meeting on Wednesday, February 22nd. Rather, Rep. Barletta is hosting a heroin and opioid forum that evening,” Barletta’s chief of staff Andrea Niethold said in an email earlier this week.

“Press usually gathers after the opioid forum events, usually to ask questions pertaining to the opioid crisis,” she added in a subsequent email.

“If they want to shout outside that’s fine. It’s America. It’s great. They can do that. As long as they didn’t disrupt the event, that’s all I was worried about,” Barletta said of the protesters who showed up.

Indeed, Betsy Riep, who stood outside protesting, attended the forum. “I’d like to hear what’s said,” she told likedBuzz News before the event started. “I’m interested in solutions. And you know, this is a really big thing.”

Cassidy had a similar experience. His town hall Tuesday in Livingston Parish was a largely calm affair, focused largely on the ongoing efforts to help rebuild the region after last year’s floods. In fact, protest groups told the Advocate newspaper following the meeting they’d decided to not target the Livingston town hall so that residents could discuss the recovery efforts. By the time he made it to his town hall in Metarie, the cease-fire had ended.

And Brat learned a similar lesson midway through his town hall when the former economic professor began to talk in earnest detail about interest rates.

It was the only time the crowd fell entirely silent.