#so the day I realized it was Jeff goldblum years later I was just like yeah that tracks?

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

Work Wife

A/N- I’m slowly starting to get back into loving Gareth again after my breakup, and though i’m still trying to get better and heal from it, i think if i try my best to work on fics for him it’ll make me feel better 🥰 (cause i know Gareth would treat me right 😍)

Summary- You have a pretty close relationship with your coworker Gareth, and you don’t realize you have a crush on him until another coworker finally gives you a label.

Genre- Fluff

Warnings- None :)

Tag List- @imagine-all-the-imagines @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles

Words- 4.8k

“I’m sorry… you’d fuck the toxic avenger?”

“Are you kidding?!” You nearly shouted at Gareth from your place behind the register, “Of course i would, he’s the good guy, and he’s like the sweetest guy in the whole movie.”

“I don’t know, something about him just turns me off…” Gareth shrugged at his spot at the end of the checkout lane, his hands fidgeting with the paper bags in front of him to make it seem like he was working.

“Oh, but Seth ‘fingernails falling off, acid vomiting, insect-man’ Brundle turns you on?” You giggled.

“Come on! It’s Jeff Goldblum, i think you can cut me some slack for that.”

“Yeah, i guess you’re right.”

You and Gareth were bored at work once again during another one of your shared 8 hour shifts at Bradley’s, and just like usual your conversation turned from talking about cheesy horror flicks to another game of ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’.

Your friendship was definitely strange, at least it seemed strange when you tried to describe it to other people. You were best friends at work and though you had gone to the same school and even had a few classes in the past all of your conversations outside of your shifts had just been small talk with one another. But once the two of you were on the clock together you were inseparable

You’d talk like you’d known each other for years, pick on one another, and whenever you could you tried to make it seem like every task was a two person job.

Trash run? You needed Gareth to help you lift the heavy bags into the dumpster.

Restocking the freezers? If you were helping Gareth it would go by twice as fast if it was just himself doing it.

Stuck at the register? Well someone had to be at the end to help bag all the customers groceries.

Each and every time you two shared a shift you knew it was going to be fun. He just made the day go by so much faster when he was there with you.

You had been there for a few months prior to him getting hired, you were even the one who trained him, but for some reason you just took a liking to one another. It was nice to be able to work with someone you considered a friend. Even though you rarely spoke when the uniforms were off.

Your conversation at the register was soon interrupted by the sound of someone pulling their cart into your lane, and though the two of you often complained afterwards about having to actually work at your job, your managers knew that putting the two of you together meant that you would always get everything done quickly and correctly.

You gave the older woman a smile and quickly scanned her items, sliding them down to Gareth to bag them up for her.

“Alright, it’s going to be $43.26.”

She handed you a few bills and you quickly grabbed her change, giving her a smile and a wave and Gareth doing the same before turning back to you,

“We’re you even paying attention to what she was buying?” He said with a laugh.

“No?” You said giggling back, “Was i supposed to?”

“That lady was buying Vaseline, condoms, Kleenex, and one of those home life magazines with all the recipes in it.”

The two of you were giggling at the thought of you not even paying attention to notice the strange things she had bought, and at this time of night.

It had been dark out for a few hours and the stores hours changing to be open later during the summer were nice in theory, more hours always means more money, but it definitely brought in a few weirdos evert now and then after dark.

You glanced over at the clock on the wall to check the time.

6:34 pm.

Almost halfway finished with your shift.

You sighed and looked back over to Gareth,

“Still got another five and a half hours until 11.”

Gareth smiled and looked around to see if any of your other coworkers could see the two of you, watching as they continued on with their shifts before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter and what looked to be a pill bottle, though there was no pills inside to be seen. Only a few pre-rolls and some smaller bits of flower stuck near the bottom.

“I think we’ll be fine after our break.” He said with a smile, raising his eyebrows at you before slipping the lighter and bottle back into his pocket.

“Oh thank god,” You said with a smile, leaning over the counter and resting your body onto your elbows to whisper to Gareth without the threat of your managers hearing, “i cant be here another 5 hours sober.”

You smiled at one another and took another look around the store, trying to see if your manager was lurking around. More often than not, if there was a late shift that the two of you shared, during your breaks you’d chill together in one of your cars with some snacks you ‘borrowed’ while your manager wasn’t looking and smoke together. It was a nice little pick me up during all those boring shifts, and needless to say whenever Gareth supplied it always made the rest of the night a little more fun.

“Want to see if they’ll let us go early?” You asked, giving him puppy dog eyes to help convince him to take your side and ask the manager on shift if they’ll let the two of you take your break just a little earlier than normal.

He smiled and rolled his eyes, knowing that meant he would be the one to ask,

“Fine, but we’re doing it in your car this time.

“Works for me!” You smiled and as Gareth walked past you, you quickly grabbed his arm to get his attention, “Want anything? I was gonna grab some chips or something.”

“Yeah, grab me some cherry sours if they have them.”

“Got it.”

You smiled and glanced around the store. No customers. The perfect opportunity to sneak a few aisles over and grab your snacks, just hoping that if your coworkers caught you you’d be able to talk them out of snitching to your manager.

As you saw Gareth walk into the managers office you quickly ran over and saw that one of your other work friends was thankfully stocking the candy aisle. You approached them with a smile and and stood before them as they were kneeled on the floor, placing boxes of charleston chews and bags of jelly beans into their proper places on the shelves,

“Hey, i think a bag of cherry sours accidentally got lost today,” You leaned over and grabbed one of the small bags of the little red candies, hiding them under your shirt, “you know where they went?”

They smiled to you and went back to restocking the shelves,

“Nope. No idea.”

You smirked and took a glance down the end of the aisle, spotting a display with a few bags of chips on it,

“I think a bag of ruffles might’ve gotten lost too, right?”

“Sure.” They said with a laugh, “You sneaking some snacks for you and your little work husband during your break?”

You stood there for a moment and shot them a confused look, thinking over the little nickname they had given to Gareth,

“Work husband?” You said with a laugh, “What do you mean?”

“Are you kidding? I see the way you guys always are always together doing something here, it’s rare to find you two apart. Don’t get me wrong, it’s cute to see how you act around each other but fuck, you guys need to stop making it so obvious.”

They were right, and you knew they were right too. You and Gareth were barely apart during your shifts and you were always around one another, goofing off or making every task a two person job, but having to hear someone on the outside tell you about what they noticed when witnessing your friendship was a little eye opening. Though you were still confused at what they were hinting at,

“Making what obvious? What are you talking about?”

“You mean to tell me you don’t know that you like each other?”

You pondered their statement for a moment as you stood in the middle of the aisle.

It had never crossed your mind that maybe you might’ve had a little crush on Gareth, and though he was sweet and funny and a little dorky, there was never a time you could remember when you had thought about having a crush on him. Maybe it was just how the two of you acted with each other, like your coworker had said, it was rare to see the two of you apart.

And then the little things started to creep back into your thoughts.

Always getting a little giddy seeing your names next to one another on the schedule when you were working the same shift. Paying attention to his laugh or his smile when you were having another one of your regular work conversations, playing ‘fuck, marry, kill’ with all the horror creatures you could think of or trying to see how long it would take for your managers to notice you had stocked all the cereal boxes backwards on the shelf, or even when you were picking on one another for working just a little too hard at your job. The way he would always sweet talk the managers to let you take your breaks early or get an extra 10 minutes just to spend more time with you, sharing a joint in his car while whatever cassette he was listening to played in the background while you enjoyed one another’s company. Now that you were thinking about it, he did get a little more touchy than normal when you were smoking together. It was nothing that would make you uncomfortable, but you noticed he would always move a little closer next to you on the bench seat, resting his head onto your shoulder as soon as he started to feel more relaxed which always ended up with your arm around his shoulder and your fingers playing with his soft curls.

Did he have a crush on you?

Or more importantly, did you have a crush on him, and just not notice it?

“It’s not like that, we’re just…” You tried to think of the right word for your relationship, and though you knew ‘work husband’ and ‘work wife’ described it perfectly, you knew the sound of it would make you blush, “friends.”

Your coworker laughed to themselves,

“I don’t know (y/n), you hesitated a bit on that.”

“We are!” You giggled, “We’re just friends, i swear.”

“Well, maybe you should have a talk with him about it on your break.” They shrugged and you turned your head as you heard footsteps approaching you down the aisle, thankful it was only Gareth coming back from talking with the manager, “i see how he looks at you, talk to him.”

You smiled to Gareth and tried to ignore your coworkers comments as he approached closer to you with a smile on his face,

“We’re good to go on our break,” He waved to your other coworker as they continued on with stocking and handed you your jacket, “here, it’s cold out, i figured i’d grab it while i was back there. And i managed to talk them into letting us take an extra 10 minutes if we get all the freezers restocked after.”

You took it with a smile and checked your pockets for your car keys, your coworker glancing up at you from their place on the floor with a smirk. You lightly kicked their foot and nodded Gareth to follow you through the aisle, making sure to grab a bag of ruffles from the stand before sneaking out the back door to your car. The chilly fall wind blew through Gareths hair and you giggled as he tried to brush it out of his eyes once you reached your car.

You unlocked your side and quickly got in, reaching over to pull the lock and let Gareth in next to you. The keys were put into the ignition and you switched the car on, fixing the heat as Gareth sifted through the collection of tapes you kept in your car, holding one up as he flicked the inside light on,

“Iron Maiden?”

He glanced over at you as you pulled your jacket off once you were well adjusted to the heat and untied your apron from around your waist, setting the chips down between you on the bench seat,

“Yeah sure, just as long as you don’t sing every word.” You said with a giggle.

“You know i can’t make any promises like that.”

Gareth smiled and put the tape into the radio, rewinding it just a bit and pressing play.

The music played softly, and though you tried to focus on the song, your mind was racing. All you could think about was what your coworker had said to you and the current situation you were in.

You and Gareth were alone, it was quiet, a good song playing in the background while he fished out the lighter and the bottle from his pocket. It wasn’t like this was something brand new to you two, in fact this was the third time this week where you had been in a situation like this, but after getting the thought into your head of not knowing if you had a crush on him or not it felt so much more different.

“You alright?” Gareth said to you as he passed you the already lit joint between his fingers.

“Yeah! Yeah, i’m fine…” You said with a smile as you took the joint and placed it between your lips, feeling slightly embarrassed as you took a drag and blew the smoke out of your cracked window, not knowing he had caught you zoning out to the thought of him.

“Alright, if you say so.” He said with a smile and settled into his seat, “You remembered my cherry sours right?”

You quickly nodded after your second hit and passed it back to him, lifting up your shirt slightly and tossing him the bag from underneath,

“You know i never forget our snacks, and i’m offended that you even thought i would.”

You shared a laugh with one another before he took a hit and opened the bag, holding it out towards you to offer you first grab. You reached in and took a few, popping them into your mouth and scrunching your nose up as soon the sour hit your tongue. You glanced over to Gareth and watched as he poured a few from the bag into his mouth, making you giggle,

“Christ, how do you eat them like that?”

He shot you a strange look as he was chewing, swallowing a few to get a sentence out,

“What do you mean? They’re delicious.”

“Oh i’m not arguing that they’re not delicious, but they’re so sour, and you just ate like 10 with no issues,” You snatched the joint from his fingers and took a quick hit, “you keep eating them like that and your tongue is gonna get all torn up.”

Gareth shrugged and poured a few more into his mouth as you took another hit,

“Well if my tongue is gonna get all torn up then so be it, cause i refuse to stop eating them.”

You giggled again and as he swallowed his second mouthful you handed the joint back to him, watching as he took the filter between his fingers and brought it to his lips, stained a light red from the cherry candies. You knew your staring would make you blush and you quickly looked out the window, staring up at the night sky to try and distract yourself from thinking of Gareth’s lips and how sweet they must taste.

Your eyes darted around the deep dark sky, looking over all the stars and trying to focus on finding the constellations before you felt a tap on your knee, snapping you out of your trance,

“(y/n)!” Gareth said, almost shouting at you, with a smile. The joint was held out to you and you took it between your fingers once again.

“Sorry, i just got a little distracted…” You placed it between your lips and took a long drag, noticing that Gareth had moved the bag of chips between you on the seat and inched closer to you. A telltale sign that he was definitely high, and he was definitely looking to feed how touch starved he was.

“You feeling alright?” He asked as you took another hit.

“Yeah, im fine.” You blew the smoke out of the cracked window and offered the joint back to him, which at this point had almost been burned to its end, “Why?”

“Because you’re not,” He said with a laugh, taking one last hit before flicking the roach out the window, “and i know you’re not. You’re being too quiet and usually you’re never able to shut up when we smoke.”

You smiled and playfully kicked at his leg,

“Shut up! That’s not true!”

“It is! You know how we act when we’re high, i get touchy and you ramble, that’s how it’s always been and now i can’t seem get you to want to talk to me. Everything was fine before we came out here, did something happen?”

You shook your head and pursed your lips,

“Nope. Nothing happened.”

Gareth leaned back into his seat, moving his hands into his lap like he was scared to be close to you,

“Did i do something?” You could hear the fear in his voice, and usually it was apparent when Gareth was scared, especially after a bad high and you’ve seen how he’s acted when he was like that. But this was different, and you could tell it was a different kind of fear, like he was nervous he had done something or said something to make the friendship you had beforehand shift.

“No!” You reached out and gently held your hand over his to reassure him that this wasn’t something he had caused, “You didn’t do anything at all, i promise.”

“Then what is it?”

You hesitated for a few moments, nervous to bring up what was really on your mind. This was something that you knew had to be brought up eventually, you just weren’t prepared for it to happen so quickly,

“It’s just…” You looked down at your hand still over his, and Gareth could tell that you were nervous. He moved his hands in his lap as he inched closer to you on the bench seat, gently taking your hand into his.

“It’s alright (y/n) you can tell me. I mean, it can’t be that bad can it?”

You knew he was just trying to make you better, and though you didn’t want to have to confront your possible feelings for Gareth tonight, you knew it had to happen wether you wanted it to or not.

“It’s not. It’s just that…” You took a deep breath trying to compose yourself before having a conversation as difficult as this. The fear wasn’t coming from having to talk to him about your feelings for one another, or lack thereof, but it was from saying something that could possibly ruin the friendship you two had. You didn’t want this to be the reason you lost your best friend.

“When i was inside getting our snacks, someone said something about us. It just got me thinking, you know?”

Gareth moved closer to you, and you looked back up to him as your thighs touched,

“What do you mean? Thinking bad, or thinking good?”

“I don’t know… I guess it could be both.” You said with a gentle laugh.

“What did they say?”

“They said…” You took another deep breath and started to play with Gareths fingers as his hand still stayed in yours to distract yourself a bit, “they said something about us. About how the way we acted with each other was cute and that i was like your ‘work wife’ and you were my ‘work husband’. I’ve just been thinking about it.”

Gareth smirked and looked at your hands intertwined with one another, watching your fingers still playing with his as a gentle blush spread across his cheeks. It may have been dark but you knew him better than that, and you could tell when he was a little flustered, though his silence was a bit worrying.

“Alright, now you’re being too quiet and it’s starting to scare me a little.”

He looked back up to you, a smile still on his lips,

“I mean, that is a cute way to put it.”

You shared a laugh and you smiled, feeling the weight lift off of your shoulders, thankful that Gareths reaction was a positive one,

“I’m just glad you don’t think it’s weird, i feel like i was overthinking the whole thing.”

“Overthinking? About what?”

You shrugged and looked back down at his hand in yours,

“Just us, i guess. Especially because of what they were saying.”

He inched himself closer into you, your sides pressed together, and though this was something normal for you it felt different now that you were talking about your friendship, or whatever it was that you could call your relationship.

“What else were they saying?”

“More stuff about us. Things they noticed.” You said with a little smile, recalling all the little moments you had shared with Gareth since you had started doing your shifts together, “They said that they saw how we act with each other, how were always together, and that they sometimes catch you looking at me a certain way.”

You looked back up to Gareths face and saw that he had his head slightly tilted down, the gentle blush that once covered his cheeks was darker and much more apparent, though it wasn’t out of embarrassment or nervousness. The bashful smile on his lips made it apparent that he knew his feelings were found out, and your eyes widened at your sudden realization.

All of the things your coworker had said were true.

The way Gareth acted around you, how he always went out of his way to make you laugh or smile during even the most frustrating parts of your shift, always being a gentleman around you even when he was high and bit more touchy than usual. It made perfect sense. It was clear to you that he had feelings for you, but somehow you still weren’t sure of your feelings for him.

You tilted your head down just a bit to get a better look at his face,

“Do you like me Gare?”

His eyes moved first to meet your gaze before he slowly looked back up to you, a shy smile still on his lips as he nodded.

You smiled back to him, your thumb moving over the back of his hand as you felt your cheeks warm up at the thought of finally confirming Gareths crush on you.

It was strange.

This was the first time that someone you knew you liked, a guy that was sweet and funny and honest, someone that was your friend that you could trust confirmed that they had feelings for you. It felt like you were back in grade school, starting to get those little crushes on your classmates that you saw every day and get shyer and shyer around them until you got too nervous to say anything. And yet, you still couldn’t be sure of your feelings for him.

You knew you liked him, you loved having him as your friend and as someone that you could trust and talk to about anything and everything, but in regards to romance you just couldn’t be certain until you figured it out for yourself.

“Do you like me too?” Gareth asked, the nervousness in his tone coming back as he looked to your face for any sign of a reaction.

You looked down at your hands, your thumb still slowly caressing the back of his hand,

“I don’t know… I mean, i know that i like you as a person. I love having you as my friend, and i love talking to you and seeing you and being able to spend time with you, and don’t get me wrong i think you’re very cute. I just don’t know if i have those kind of feelings for you, even though i feel like i should.”

Gareth understood exactly what you were saying.

You did really like each other as people, and as friends, and even he had a difficult time convincing himself that he had a crush on you when he first realized it. You both were scared of possibly ruining the friendship that had sparked between you, and it was scary to think about one wrong move or sentence ruining a friendship like that.

“It’s alright if you don’t (y/n). If you don’t like me like that then i’m ok with it, just as long as we can still be friends. I still like you as a person, that’s never going to change.”

You looked back up to him and smiled, and your thoughts were racing in your head. You were fine with just being friends but you needed some kind of closure to confirm wether or not you really had feelings for him.

He was someone you loved having as a friend, but maybe he would work better with you as a boyfriend instead of just a work friend.

“Can i…” You hesitated for a moment, a pit of fear forming in your stomach from the thought of your next few words ruining your friendship, “Can i kiss you? Just to make sure.”

His eyes went wide, the blush on his cheeks becoming darker than before,

“You’re sure that’s what you want? It’s not just the weed talking right? You’re sentient enough to think straight?”

“Yes, i promise it’s not the weed. I want to. I want to know if it’s right for me to feel that way about you. I’m done being confused.”

“Alright, if you say so.” Gareth turned his body towards yours, your hands separating as his went to carefully hold your waist and yours were draped over his shoulders.

You took a deep breath and inched closer to him,

“If i do this, and it doesn’t feel right, it’s not going to ruin us being friends right?”

“Not if you don’t want it to ruin it. If it feels wrong then i promise i won’t ever bring it up. We can just forget it ever happened and when we go back to work we go back to how we were beforehand.”

You pursed your lips and nodded gently,

“And if i don’t feel the same after, it won’t hurt your feelings?”

“Of course not. Well, it might hurt for a little bit, but as long as we can still be friends afterwards then i’ll be ok with it. I’d just be happy to still have you as a friend.”

A gentle smile spread over your lips as you nodded again, taking one last deep breath as your eyes wandered over Gareths face, and he was doing the same.

As your gaze finally fell to his lips, you slowly inched yourself closer into him, your lips gently grazing one another’s as Gareth waited for you to initiate it. Without a second thought, your lips pressed to his, gently taking his bottom lip between yours and the feeling was nothing short of breathtaking.

He held you so gently, his hair felt so soft between your fingers, and the taste of his lips felt so sweet as they were against yours.

This was right.

This was perfect.

This had finally confirmed the feelings you had been so afraid to admit to yourself.

You didn’t just like Gareth, you loved him.

You loved your best friend.

And he loved you back.

As your lips parted, you felt a rush of air enter your lungs, your hands still around Gareths neck as your fingers played with the ends of a few of the curls on the back of his neck. His hands had a firm grip on your waist, his thumbs slowly caressing your sides as you held one another close, your foreheads pressed together as you tried to recollect yourselves after the rush of emotions that had been made apparent after your kiss.

Gareth knew exactly what you were feeling, and knowing that this moment had been one he was waiting weeks and weeks for he was happy to know that what you felt for him was the same way he felt for you.

One of his hands moved up to hold your cheek as he brought you back into him, kissing you deeper than before, and you could feel him smile as his lips were against yours.

Thank god he had talked the manager into giving you those extra 10 minutes.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Old (2021)

Oh you guys. You guyyyyyys. Buckle the fuck up, I am so pumped to tell you about this absolutely GONZO mummified deuce of a movie. Spoilers will be had in this one, because you need to know everything. 

Old is the latest from M. Night Shyamalan and like....I think we all know M. Night’s track record. For every Sixth Sense, we also get a Happening or a Village. In some ways, he’s the most exciting director working today because every new film is a 50/50 coin toss, and mama loves living on the edge. The gist of this latest roll of the dice is that a group of different families who have all come to stay at a remote luxury beach resort get invited to go to a secluded private beach for the day, and after they arrive they discover they can’t leave. That’s not great, but the bigger problem is that they seem to be aging rapidly - like 2 years older every hour or so. That’s a solid “how are we gonna get outta this one” bottle episode premise, and in the hands of a better writer, it could be a fun sci-fi romp. M. is NOT that writer. 

Some thoughts:

I should have known it would all go wrong from the terrible foreshadowing starting at the very beginning scene. The mom of our main family, Prisca (Vicky Krieps) says “You have such a beautiful voice, I can’t wait to hear it when you’re older.” The dad, Guy (Gael Garcia Bernal) says, “Don’t rush this moment, enjoy the present while you can.” BECAUSE THE CHARACTERS WON’T BE ABLE TO LATER, DO YOU GET IT? dO yOU GEt iT? Wife leaned over and said “look at all the ferns - the oldest plants!” That last one was probably her projecting, but the point stands: there is nothing subtle about Old. 

There’s a lot of just like, shouting out loud the things that are currently happening onscreen. “She’s having a seizure!” “People who go back the way we came black out!” “The rust has entered your bloodstream; it acts like poison!” That’s how you tell stories, right? Just having characters point out events that are occurring right in front of their stupid fucking faces with no other commentary or reflection? 

An additional element that feels woefully ignorant at best and malicious at worst is the inclusion of a black male character (Aaron Pierre) who 1) is a rapper 2) is named Mid-Sized Sedan [I’ll give you a moment to deal with that detail emotionally] 3) says the single line of dialogue “Damn.” at least 4 times and 4) suffers the bloodiest, most violent onscreen death at the hands of a racist white man who is revealed to have paranoid schizophrenia. There are other gruesome deaths onscreen, to be sure, but the worst are body horror nightmares that could never occur in the real world - a woman whose bones are breaking and setting in the wrong position nearly instantaneously until she resembles a horrifying spider creature, and the aforementioned rust-in-the-bloodstream trick that leads to a Jeff-Goldblum-in-The Fly-bubbling-skin infection kinda deal. But Mid-Sized Sedan just gets stabbed in the chest repeatedly, brutally, a bunch of times by a white guy who pleads fear for his life even though MSS posed no danger to him, and it all happens onscreen when so many other characters are offered the mercy of offscreen deaths. I’m not sure if M. is trying to throw some real-world horror in and he’s just shit at it, or if it really didn’t occur to him how malicious this inclusion feels in a fantasy narrative, and I don’t really care. If you have a black character in your story and they die, you better think really long and hard about how it happens and what it means and it’s clear no one did that here.

Nothing to do with the film itself, but it did tickle me that someone brought a tiny infant to my pretty packed screening. The baby was very chill, thank goodness, and as far as I know did not age up to a kindergartner during the course of the film.

There is a Very Good Dog, a Yorkie, present for the first part of the film, but unfortunately the dog dies. It occurs offscreen, and given the premise of what’s going on on this beach, it’s not a shock when it happens BUT STILL. 

The old age makeup, at least on Prisca is pretty great. Good job makeup department!

At one point, Guy gets attacked by another beachgoer, and his eyesight is failing so he has a hard time fighting back. But you are surrounded by sand, my dude, and you can still see blurry shapes. You’re not gonna throw some sand in the eyes until you’ve been stabbed like 10 times? Not gonna try to push him down, or sweep the fucking leg, or do anything but just keep raising your arms and getting stabbed while yelling “I’ll protect you!” I’ve seen stale tuna sandwiches with better defense mechanisms than you. 

Like most fantastical premises, there are only a certain number of ways this narrative can end that really make any sense. It reminds me quite a bit of 2019’s Brightburn which was like “what if Superman but evil?” Either everyone is gonna die, or someone is going to improbably survive and you better have a real neat explanation for how that’s possible. Oh M. Night, when will you realize that your explanations are never as clever as you think they are? There’s no “twist” here really, simply a reveal, and it’s the equivalent of eating one of those sugar-free, gluten-free, egg-free, dairy-free snack cakes I broke down and ate out of desperation when I was on Weight Watchers. That shit is “food” in the same way that the climax is a “logical explanation for all this.” Big Pharma is luring sick people to the resort through targeted ads, then arranging these excursions to the wacky time beach in order to test how medicine they secretly slipped into the guests’ drinks works over decades of life. These sneaky medical breakthroughs are saving hundreds of thousands of people’s lives, we’re told, and the scientists offer a moment of silence for each fallen group of unwitting human lab rats after they inevitably die. Because if there’s one thing the world needs right now, it’s more distrust of pharmaceutical companies and the ethics of modern science! I can’t think of one possible reason we’d want to portray molecular biologists, immunologists, and virologists in a positive light right now, can you? When will those assholes get off their high horses and stop being universally trusted and beloved by everyone, am I right?? 

My saddest takeaway, tbh, is that this is a stacked international cast, with at least half the roles going to POC - this is the future liberals want, etc etc - and the result is THIS.

Did I Cry? Of course not.

Not all is terrible! It’s a beautiful movie to look at, because M. Night’s direction is never the problem, but combined with the script, the acting, and the absurd narrative leaps needed to make this story make even a little bit of sense, the whole thing turns into a mess. Unfortunately, getting Old with M. Night is less “leisurely retirement at a plush resort in Florida” and more “rancid can of Ensure and a poop-choked pair of Depends.”

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[birdlord]

Everything I Watched in 2020

We’ll start with movies. The number in parentheses is the year of release, asterisks denote a re-watch, and titles in bold are my favourite watches of the year. Here’s 2019’s list. 

01 Little Women (19)

02 The Post (17) 

03 Molly’s Game (17)

04 * Doctor No (62)

05 Groundhog Day (93)

06 *Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home (86)

07 Knives Out (19) My last theatre experience (sob)

08 Professor Marston and his Wonder Women (17)

09 Les Miserables (98)

10 Midsommar (19) I’m not sure how *good* it is, but it does stick in the ol’ brain

11 *Manhattan Murder Mystery (93)

12 Marriage Story (19)

13 Kramer vs Kramer (79)

14 Jojo Rabbit (19)

15 J’ai perdu mon corps (19) a cute animated film about a hand detached from its body!

16 1917 (19)

17 Married to the Mob (88)

18 Klaus (19)

19 Portrait of a Lady on Fire (19) If Little Women made me want to wear a scarf criss-crossed around my torso, this one made me want to wear a cloak

20 The Last Black Man in San Francisco (19)

21 *Lawrence of Arabia (62)

22 Gone With the Wind (39)

23 Kiss Me Deadly (55)

24 Dredd (12)

25 Heartburn (86) heard a bunch about this one in the Blank Check series on Nora Ephron, sadly after I’d watched it

26 The Long Shot (19)

27 Out of Africa (85)

28 King Kong (46)

29 *Johnny Mnemonic (95)

30 Knocked Up (07)

31 Collateral (04)

32 Bird on a Wire (90)

33 The Black Dahlia (05)

34 Long Time Running (17)

35 *Magic Mike (12)

36 Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (07)

37 Cold War (18)

38 *Kramer Vs Kramer (79) yes I watched this a few months before! This was a pandemic friend group co-watch.

39 *Burn After Reading (08)

40 Last Holiday (50)

41 Fly Away Home (96)

42 *Moneyball (11) I’m sure I watch this every two years, at most??

43 Last Holiday (06) the Queen Latifah version of the 1950 movie above, lacking, of course, the brutal “poor people don’t deserve anything good” ending

44 *Safe (95)

45 Gimme Shelter (70)

46 The Daytrippers (96)

47 Experiment in Terror (62)

48 Tucker: The Man and His Dream (88)

49 My Brilliant Career (79) one of the salvations of 2020 was watching movies “with” friends. Our usual method was to video chat before the movie, sync our streaming services, and text-chat while the movie was on. 

50 Divorce Italian Style (61)

51 *Gosford Park (01) another classic comfort watch, fuck I love a G. Park

52 Hopscotch (80)

53 Brief Encounter (45)

54 Hud (63)

55 Ocean’s 8 (18)

56 *Beverly Hills Cop (84)

57 Blow the Man Down (19)

58 Constantine (05)

59 The Report (19) maddening!! How are people so consistently terrible to one another!

60 Everyday People (04)

61 Anatomy of a Murder (58)

62 Spiderman: Homecoming (17)

63 *To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (95) Of the 90s drag road movies, Priscilla is more visually striking, but this has its moments.

64 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (92)

65 *The Truman Show (98)

66 Mona Lisa (86)

67 The Blob (58)

68 The Guard (11)

69 *Waiting for Guffman (96) RIP Fred Willard

70 Rocketman (19)

71 Outside In (18)

72 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (08) how strange to see a movie that you have known the premise for, but no details of, for over a decade

73 *Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country (91)

74 The Reader (08)

75 Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (19) This was fine until it VERY MUCH WAS NOT FINE

76 The End of the Affair (99) you try to watch a fun little romp about infidelity during the Blitz, and Graham Greene can’t help but shoehorn in a friggin crisis of religious faith

77 Must Love Dogs (05) barely any dog content, where are the dogs at

78 The Rainmaker (97)

79 *Batman & Robin (97)

80 National Lampoon’s Vacation (83) Never seen any of the non-xmas Vacations, didn’t realize the children are totally different, not just actors but ages! Also, this one is blatantly racist!

81 *Mystic Pizza (88)

82 Funny Girl (68)

83 The Sons of Katie Elder (65)

84 *Knives Out (19) another re-watch within the same year!! How does this keep happening??

85 *Scott Pilgrim Vs The World (10) a real I-just-moved-away-from-Toronto nostalgia watch

86 Canadian Bacon (92) vividly recall this VHS at the video store, but I never saw it til 2020

87 *Blood Simple (85)

88 Brittany Runs a Marathon (19)

89 The Accidental Tourist (88)

90 August Osage County (13) MELO-DRAMA!!

91 Appaloosa (08)

92 The Firm (93) Feeling good about how many iconic 80s/90s video store stalwarts I watched in 2020

93 *Almost Famous (00)

94 Whisper of the Heart (95)

95 Da 5 Bloods (20)

96 Rain Man (88)

97 True Stories (86)

98 *Risky Business (83) It’s not about what you think it’s about! It never was!

99 *The Big Chill (83)

100 The Way We Were (73)

101 Safety Last (23) It’s getting so that I might have to add the first two digits to my dates...not that I watch THAT many movies from the 1920s...

102 Phantasm (79)

103 The Burrowers (08)

104 New Jack City (91)

105 The Vanishing (88)

106 Sisters (72)

107 Puberty Blues (81) Little Aussie cinema theme, here

108 Elevator to the Gallows (58)

109 Les Diaboliques (55)

110 House (77) haha WHAT no really W H A T

111 Death Line (72)

112 Cranes are Flying (57)

113 Holes (03)

114 *Lady Vengeance (05)

115 Long Weekend (78)

116 Body Double (84)

117 The Crazies (73) I love that Romero shows the utter confusion that would no doubt reign in the case of any kind of disaster. Things fall apart.

118 Waterlilies (07)

119 *You’re Next (11)

120 Event Horizon (97)

121 Venom (18) I liked it, guys, way more than most superhero fare. Has a real sense of place and the place ISN’T New York!

122 Under the Silver Lake (18) RIP Night Call

123 *Blade Runner (82)

124 *The Birds (62) interesting to see now that I’ve read the story it came from

125 *28 Days Later (02) hits REAL FUCKIN’ DIFFERENT in a pandemic

126 Life is Sweet (90)

127 *So I Married an Axe Murderer (93) find me a more 90s movie, I dare you (it’s not possible)

128 Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (67)

129 The Pelican Brief (93) 90s thrillers continue!

130 Dick Johnston is Dead (20)

131 The Bridges of Madison County (95)

132 Earth Girls are Easy (88) Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are so hot in this movie, no wonder they got married 

133 Better Watch Out (16)

134 Drowning Mona (00) trying for something like the Coen bros and not getting there

135 Au Revoir Les Enfants (87)

136 *Chasing Amy (97) Affleck is the least alluring movie lead...ever? I also think I gave Joey Lauren Adams’ character short shrift in my memory of the movie. It’s not good, but she’s more complicated than I recalled. 

137 Blackkklansman (18)

138 Being Frank (19)

139 Kiki’s Delivery Service (89)

140 Uncle Frank (20) why so many FRANKS

141 *National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (89) watching with pals (virtually) made it so much more fun than the usual yearly watch!

142 Half Baked (98) another, more secret Toronto nostalgia pic - RC Harris water filtration plant as a prison!

143 We’re the Millers (13)

144 All is Bright (13)

145 Defending Your Life (91)

146 Christmas Chronicles (18) I maintain that most new xmas movies are terrible, particularly now that Netflix churns them out like eggnog every year. 

147 Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse (18)

148 Reindeer Games (00) what did I say about Affleck??!? WHAT DID I SAY

149 Palm Springs (20)

150 Happiest Season (20)

151 *Metropolitan (90) it’s definitely a Christmas movie

152 Black Christmas (74)

THEATRE:HOME - 2:150 (thanks pandemic)

I usually separate out docs and fiction, but I watched almost no documentaries this year (with the exception of Dick Johnston). Reality is real enough. 

TV Series

01 - BoJack Horseman (final season) - Pretty damned poignant finish to the show, replete with actual consequences for our reformed bad boy protagonist (which is more than you can say for most antiheroes of Peak TV).

02 - *Hello Ladies - I enjoy the pure awkwardness of seeing Stephen Merchant try to perform being a Regular Person, but ultimately this show tips him too far towards a nasty, Ricky Gervais-lite sort of persona. Perhaps he was always best as a cameo appearance, or lip synching with wild eyes while Chrissy Teigen giggles?

03 - Olive Kittredge - a rough watch by times. I read the book as well, later in the year. Frances Mcdormand was the best, possibly the only, casting option for the flinty lead. One episode tips into thriller territory, which is a shock. 

04 - *The Wire S3, S4, S5 - lockdown culture! It was interesting to rewatch this, then a few months later go through an enormous, culture-level reappraisal of cop-centred narratives. 

05 - Forever - a Maya Rudolph/Fred Armisen joint that coasts on the charm of its leads. The premise is OK, but I wasn’t left wanting any more at the end. 

06 - *Catastrophe - a rewatch when my partner decided he wanted to see it, too!

07 - Red Oak - resolutely “OK” steaming dramedy, relied heavily on some pretty obvious cues to get across its 1980s setting. 

08 - Little Fires Everywhere - gulped this one down while in 14-day isolation, delicious! Every 90s suburban mom had that SUV, but not all of them had the requisite **secrets**

09 - The Great - fun historical comedy/drama! Costumes: lush. Actors: amusing. Race-blind casting: refreshing!

10 - The Crown S4 - this is the season everyone lost their everloving shit for, since it’s finally recent enough history that a fair chunk of the viewing audience is liable to recall it happening. 

11 - Ted Lasso - we resisted this one for a while (thought I did enjoy the ad campaign for NBC sports (!!) that it was based on). My view is that its best point was the comfort that the men on the show have (or develop, throughout the season) with the acknowledgement and sharing of their own feelings. Masculinity redux. 

12 - Moonbase 8 - Goodnatured in a way that makes you certain they will be crushed. 

13 - The Good Lord Bird - Ethan Hawke is really aging into the character actor we always hoped he would be! 

14 - Hollywood - frothy wish-fulfillment alternate history. I think the show would have been improved immeasurably by skipping the final episode.

[loxxxlay]

I feel like it’s a blessing that grandthorki day is on Jeff Goldblum’s (the actor who plays the Grandmaster) birthday. Also I feel like we all should give you a huge thank you for making this happen. You’re like the savior for all of us who’re in this pit. Keep doing what you’re doing ^-^

Awwwwww omfg thank you so much!!

Weirdly enough my birthday is very close to Jeff Goldblum’s birthday (October 21st), which is the day I set for grandthorki day (back before I realized all you lusty hooligans are just as lusty and hooligan-y as me XD). I only realized later that Jeff Goldblum’s birthday was basically the same day lmfao, which was a spectacular coincidence that I added to my pile of “things that make me believe in miracles” lmfao

Anyway I was really excited about grandthorki this year wahh!! Y’all’s content was so great! I’m working slowly through everything this year since I got burnout last year, but I have one more fic to read and tag and then I’ll be going through writing comments for everyone. Because really as much as I like.. organized the thing, grandthorki day would not happen without you lovely content creators and lovely content consumers 

So thank you all for being lusty hooligans with me and joining me for this fantastic whumpy darkshit lmfao I love all of you T_T

[xshatteredreflectionsx]

(It’s my birthday on Friday, and since I’ll probably forget to do anything when Morgan’s birthday rolls around -February 14- I decided to do something now.)

—————

█████ didn’t put much thought into her birthday. She had the misfortune of being born on Valentine’s Day, and was thus plagued by everyone around her being to worried about wooing their significant others. Her mother had called her that morning, and her step-father and siblings had also offered slightly awkward birthday wishes. That was enough.

The few people at the law firm who remembered it was █████ birthday poked their heads over the barriers between their desks to wish her a happy birthday. A few Valentine’s Day cards had been left on her desk, Some with the Valentine’s greeting hastily crossed out. Her mentor had left a vase of flowers on her desk and a hand written Birthday message

(“We deal with disingenuous people on a constant basis.” █████ recalled him saying once, after she asked him why he despited store-bought cards so. “Do we really need to deal with it on days that are supposed to be special?”)

The work day seemed to grind down to a crawl. Minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like years. █████ felt like she had aged more than just a single year when the work was finally done. Case files were neatly stacked together, pressed into folders, alphabetized, and finally locked away. She was in the process of putting her cards in her purse when a co-worker, Karen, stopped by her desk.

“So, I don’t know what you’re doing, but you must be doing something right.” Karen began, “because Damien is waiting outside for you. The Damien who’s running for mayor.”

█████ heart leapt up into her throat. If Karen noticed her shock, she didn’t say anything about it. Instead, she smiled coyly and leaned close. “Woman to woman: what’s your secret? No offense but you’re...” Karen paused, struggling to not come across as too offensive.

█████ huffed a sigh. She had heard this time and time again. She lacked presence, she blended into the background, she didn’t speak enough; even the clothes she wore failed to make her stand out.

“I went to school with him,” █████ replied curtly as she stood. “Now, If you’ll excuse me. Have a good night, Karen.” █████ nodded, more out of politeness than anything, and took her leave. It was only when she was alone that she let her frustrations out in a huff. No one cared when they were still in college. No one batted an eye if they ever saw Damien and █████ pinching each other to stay awake as they studied. Then Damien started campaigning for mayor, and suddenly it felt like they couldn’t just be friends. █████ never wanted to stand in the way of Damien’s dreams (and oh, his dreams were lofty, ambitious and wonderful), but...

█████ shook her head. No. She wouldn’t allow those selfish wishes to encroach on her tonight. Or ever. █████ couldn’t hold onto Damien forever, and to think otherwise was embarrassingly childish.

The chill of the February evening snapped her back to reality. As Karen said, Damien was waiting for her outside the law firm, leaning against his car as he practically buried himself in his coat to keep away the chill. When their eyes met, Damien’s face lit up like █████ had just presented the stars to him.

(She would do it. All he would need to do was ask, and she’d find a way to tear the stars from the sky. A whisper, and she’d lay the Milky Way at his feet.)

“█████!” He greeted. He crossed the distance and wrapped them in a tight hug before she could protest. “Happy Birthday.” He continued, giving her an affectionate pat on the back.

“You’re campaigning,” █████ finally managed to say, pulling away from Damien. “Shouldn’t you be-“

“Ah-ah. No. Stop.” Damien shushed her gently. “Although it certainly feels like it at times, my statistics will not suddenly plummet if I do not monitor them at all hours of the day. I can spare a moment or two to take a step back and breathe -my campaign manager actually encourages it. Moreover, I’ve not seen you in months,” Damien’s smile faltered at the edges and █████’s stomach clenched. She knew that, behind the charisma and intelligence, Damien was rather lonely. His best friend’s time was almost entirely consumed by the military. His own twin sister was basking in the glow of matrimony, and his brother-in-law was quickly becoming one of the most well-known figures in the theater world. And then there was █████, who had fanatically thrown herself into her work to compensate for her... inherent disadvantages.

“All right, all right.” █████ relinquished, “I’ll spend my birthday with you. I was planning on spending the night with a bottle of sparkling wine and my cat, but you’re not a bad replacement I suppose.” She said, nudging him playfully. Damien scoffed a laugh,

“Periwinkle is difficult to live up to, but I’ll try my best.” Damien offered █████ his arm, “shall we then?”

█████ linked their arms together. “We shall.”

————————

It’s my birthday~!

(It’s my birthday~!)

It’s my birthday~!

(It’s my birthday~!)

It took Morgan a few moments to realize who was singing, and where the song was coming from. It looked a few more times before they remembered that cellphones were a thing, and it was Jeff Goldblum from the most recent Thor movie. Dazed, they grabbed their phone from the night stand and, after fumbling with it for a few seconds, managed to turn the alarm off.

The ceiling of their bedroom didn’t look familiar, and their cheeks were wet. Morgan brushed their thumb under their eye, and sighed. It wasn’t the first time they had a dream that tangible, but they almost always heralded a day lost in a haze.

“That person isn’t you. Your name is Morgan. You live in Los Angeles. You’re a photographer. Your best friend’s name is Mark.” They mouthed the words over and over again as they pressed the heels of their hands into their eyes. The gentle, patient voice of their therapist echoed in their head as Morgan dragged themself out of bed and into the bathroom.

They splashed water on their face and took their medication. When Morgan looked into the mirror and saw her looking back, they ducked their head under the faucet as it pumped water out on full blast. “Don’t do this today.” Morgan pleaded mentally. When they dared to look back, they heaved a sigh when it was themself they saw in the mirror. Short haired, tired, and soaked, but them none-the-less.

Morgan’s special birthday breakfast involved pancakes covered in a gratuitous amount of Nutella. The foolish would call it excessive, but they clearly did not know the greatest way to pancake in the history of everything. More importantly it helped to ground them firmly in reality; they could either lose themselves to made-up memories about made-up people, or they could set their stove on fire. ... Again. Yeah, that was not a conversation they ever wanted to repeat.

Finally Morgan was able to sit down and enjoy a breakfast so covered in Nutella and powdered sugar it could qualify as a dessert (and who cared if it did? It was their birthday, they could have whatever they wanted). Their phone buzzed against the table and, reluctantly, Morgan picked it up to check it. It was unsurprising, but still upsetting, that Mark texted them before their own mother did.

MORK!: Good morning!

Hey, I’m thinking about doing another Markiplier Makes later if Ethan and Tyler have time. Can I count on you to be there?

Morgan sucked the Nutella and sugar off their fingers as they contemplated their answer. On days like today, she would practically be screaming that Mark was a distrustful snake. It was almost all in inprihensible rage that boiled and festered in Morgan’s stomach. They swallowed the rage down (it wasn’t theirs. It wasn’t real) and texted back:

Me: An afternoon of uncontrollable laughter as you three doofuses fail to do simple tasks? Count me in. : D

MORK!: Rude! We both know that I do those activities flawlessly.

But, yeah, I’ll text you the details when I hear from Ethan and Tyler.

Morgan smiled and put the phone down where it would be safe from crumbs. It wasn’t a birthday wish, but Mark was notoriously bad with dates. He probably didn’t even know it was Valentine’s Day, let alone one of his friend’s birthday. But, whatever. Busting their gut laughing at the prospective Markiplier Makes was as good a birthday present as anything else.

They finished breakfast with no further incident (or call from their mother). Despite the feeling of dread that had followed them around since they woke up, she seemed to have fallen quiet. It would never happen, but if she could go away forever Morgan would be as happy as a clam. As promised, Mark had sent them another text telling them to be at his house around 1, abd was incredibly secretive about whatever it was he wanted to make. It was a surprise, and Morgan would just have to be patient, so there (nyeh).

Their phone buzzed again.

Unknown Number: Happy Birthday.

Morgan stared down at the screen, thumb hovering over the option to delete the text. They sighed and shoved the phone in their coat pocket, raking their hand through their hair. Something warm fluttered in their chest, and she felt like she was smiling.

“You get this one.” Morgan thought, “But no bullshit today. Understand?”

They were negotiating with the voice in their head. Good lord this was ridiculous, but it was preferable to taking too much of their prescription. Their therapist had suggested not being so confrontational, so maybe there was something to making nice with the other personality living in their head.

It seemed to work, since she stayed mercifully quiet for the rest of the day, even when Mark welcomed them with a bear hug and led them to the kitchen, excitedly chatting away about how amazing the newest video would be. Morgan only half payed attention, because there was a Chica constantly vying for their attention (and trying to play in the wires).

It was a good birthday.

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Thank you, love! Can I please have a double ship? I’m a fat bottomed girl who is a tomboy - I’m not into typical “girly” stuff and I love hanging around with boys discussing politics, sports (I’m a huge sports nerd), listening to metal. I love war movies and am interested in history (WWII especially) though I’m studying Journalism. I also don’t like wearing skirts or dresses or heels. I’m a loyal friend who will always be there to listen and help you. I’m very clumsy and often trip over my feet.

Sssssssshello fellow sports fan (i’m not even joking even though that sounds so nerdy) so what do u think about the kc royals i know they suck ass but like.... im so dedicated to my boys and i’ve seen them kick the yankees ass at yankee stadium (FUCK YOU JOE MAZZELLO)

ships r below the cut sjkdfjkds

For BoRhap, I ship you with Joe Mazzello!

For obvious reasons - I mean, a girl that’s into sports and is extremely loyal? Joey Mazz would bus a nutttt

Anyways, you’d probably meet Joe while doing some work as a sports journalist. Deciding against the box seat that you usually took during a Yankee’s game for focus reasons, you opted to sit down with the public in the stands, and you got seated next to Joe.

Joe was respectable enough for most of the game - once he got a bit loose on the juice, though, he had some mouthy tendencies, and every last word was directed angrily at the officials. 

At one point, he was so angry that you couldn’t hold in your laughter as you kept book, missing a tally for a ball but not caring too much as you stared in amazement at the fiery copper-headed man beside you. His double-black Yankees hat fell off of his head as he stood abruptly, and you took your boot-clad feet off of the seat in front of you as you leaned down to grab it for him. 

“Fucking terrible call! That was in the strike zone, that ump is full of shit,” he muttered as he sat back down in a huff, pausing before getting a curious look on his face and starting to search for his hat.

“Looking for this?” you asked, a teasing edge to your voice, and Joe’s attention snapped over to you, recognition immediately flooding his eyes as he smiled gratefully and took the hat.

“Thanks a ton, I just can’t stand those damn umps sometimes.” Looking down at the stat book on your tablet, he raised an eyebrow in inquiry before pulling his hat back on his head. “Keeping book for anything special?”

“I work for the New York Post. Sports columnist,” you explained, locking your screen to save battery after a strike was finally called and the fourth inning came to a close. Joe made a ‘not bad’ face, then gave you a grin.

“So, Yankees fan?”

“Uh, you know it,” you scoffed, nodding as you looked out to the field and smiled before making eye contact with him again. He had a kind gaze, you noted, and his smile was just as evident in his eyes as it was in his actual smile. “Wouldn’t miss a game for the world. Not even that exhibit on Governor’s right now.” You felt your stomach flipping a bit, Joe watching you very intently and almost intimidating you with how genuinely invested he was in what you had to say.

“The World War II one?” Joe inquired, and he chuckled when you made a positive noise in response. “I was in a show about WWII a couple years ago. Maybe you’ve heard of it? The Pacific?”

“That was you?” you gasped, involuntarily reaching out and grabbing his arm. Although the both of you registered it, you awkwardly decided not to say anything and just continued talking, Joe trying to mask his reaction at the tingly feeling your touch left on his arm. “Holy shit, I loved that show! I didn’t even recognize you.” Laughing, you let go of his arm and just paused for a moment, recalling how excited you’d been about that miniseries.

“Yeah, not my biggest claim to fame, but definitely up there. Still doesn’t get me recognized at baseball games, though. I got that more in the 90′s.”

“The 90′s - you must have been a baby!” you teased, in disbelief that he was any older than 25. There was no way he was anything but a toddler back in the 90′s.

“God, the closer I get to my 30s, the more that excites me,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Unfortunately, I was a little more than a baby back then. I was a whole, grown kid.”

“Grown kid - what a paradox,” you scoffed, giving him a gentle eye roll as a few people around you chuckled at something. “Alright, I’ll bite - in the 90′s, what were you in?”

“Would you believe me if I said some commercials and that was it?” Pursing your lips, you gave him an unmoved look and he chuckled, raising his hands in surrender. You were surprisingly adorable despite the currently deadpan expression. In fact, he was beginning to like all of your expressions, and all of your mannerisms. You were pretty laid-back for a woman of your age - like you were comfortable not putting up a front around him and men in general. “I was in Jurassic Park.”

“No way!” you gasped, thinking back to the movie and vaguely remembering a little boy around your age that had resembled him. “Oh my god, all I remember about it is that I wanted to be your friend... and I had an embarrassingly big crush on Jeff Goldblum.”

“Oh god, me too,” Joe agreed, waving a hand dismissively at the thought that anyone didn’t feel things for Jeff Goldblum.

Some faint laughter and shifting glances around you suddenly distracted you from your intense conversation with Joe, and you looked around for a moment before groaning and shielding your eyes at the jumbotron, trying not to laugh. “We’ve been called out.”

Joe looked at the large screen to see the both of you with a superimposed timer beneath you, dubbed the “Oblivious Cam.” You’d both been so invested in the conversation, they’d nearly been timing you for a minute by the time you realized. Waves of embarrassment washed over the two of you as you realized everyone in the stadium had watched what you had assumed was a mainly private interaction. Suddenly, the hand on the arm thing was mortifying.

“Well, at least we look good,” Joe offered, waving to the camera and shrugging before they kicked it off, going into the fifth inning. Joe was right, he did look damn good. And the fact that he thought you looked good too, despite your lack of commonplace women’s wear around a baseball game (see: tight-fitting unbuttoned jerseys, short shorts, heels, etc.). You’d shown out in some jeans and a ratty jersey you’d had since God knows when, with some combat boots to pull it all together. And he still thought you looked good.

He very much did. He thought you looked so good, in fact, that he took you out for drinks after the game. And then sitting down with the public became a regular occurrence for you - even though Joe wasn’t at every game, he showed up to far more games than he would have regularly, just so he could see you. But he’d never admit that, not even up to the day that he asked you out.

Which, of course, you’d been floored - men usually don’t ask out one of the boys. But you said yes, of course! And a couple months later, when he offered to fly you out to California to see the baseball movie he’d been working on about his brother, you jumped at the opportunity.

Mainly because it was an away time for Yankees.

Oops.

When you showed up on set with Joe, the cast immediately welcomed you as one of their own, and you took up residence in the bleachers/near the fence, psyched to see what they were working on for the day and also stoked because you’d probably become an extra because of this appearance. Acting credits on top of journalism? Score.

Today was the day they were filming Pat’s breakdown, and you were excited to see just how riled up Joe could get as you leaned against the admittedly searing-hot chain-link fence. Between takes, Toby, who’d taken quickly to befriending you, came over in all his English glory to visit with you about the upcoming shots.

“You ready to see Spaz Mazz?” he joked, making you laugh at the corny nickname as you nodded, letting go of the chain-link for a moment.

“Absolutely. I’ve seen Joe at baseball games, so can’t wait to see who he absolutely rails today.”

“Well, it’s your lucky day, because it’s me,” Toby chuckled, fixing his hat as Joe caught sight of the two of you, smiling and waving before going back to whatever directorial duties he was working on. Waving back, Toby sighed melodramatically before turning to you. “He yells at quite a few of us, but in the table-read, he really let me have it in this scene. The struggles of being the fun one,” he lamented, making you roll your eyes and wish him good luck as Joe called for the next shot to start.

And in a few moments, you saw exactly what Toby meant. Well, not saw. You just got to listen as Joe absolutely went off on Manny’s character in the dugout, a gleeful laugh leaving your lips as you heard him threaten to shove a bat up Zapata’s ass, then yelling at Palacco for shitting away his talent. After the more emotional part, you burst out laughing when a sudden, “Oh, shut the fuck up, Zapata!” rang in your ears.

Covering your mouth quickly, you resorted to just grinning while you listened to them methodically reconstruct the scene over and over, taking several shots in the mid-afternoon heat before deciding to call it since the lighting was waning, not providing for the right time of day for the shot that was slotted next.

Joe was one of the last to finally filter off the field, finding you immediately and giving you a mildly-tired grin as he wrapped his arm around you, walking off towards the parking lot with you. 

“Toby said Seb’s in town and wants to meet up for dinner with Chace and us. You hungry?”

“Starving,” you affirmed, leaning against him a bit as you climbed up the hill. “That was an... interesting performance. You sound a little hoarse.”

“Yelling all day can wear a guy out,” he agreed with a small chuckle, pulling out his keys to his rental and stopping in front of the car to just stand with you for a moment. The eye-black on his cheeks was smeared from sweat, his hair a mess, and you could definitely tell he was slouching a bit, tired from the day’s proceedings.

But he still was smiling down at you, and you couldn’t help but smile back before leaning up and wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him into an affectionate kiss, which he eagerly reciprocated. 

His arms wrapped around your waist, hands resting dangerously low on your back, but not enough to raise alarms, and you grinned against his lips before pressing a gentle peck to the lower one, murmuring just loud enough for him to hear.

“I like the baseball pants look on you.”

A throaty chuckle escaped his mouth and he gave you one last kiss before wrapping an arm around your waist and ushering you to the passenger seat, letting you open the door and start climbing in yourself before he swiftly reached out and pinched your ass, closing the door for you with an innocent grin on his face when you shot him a warning look.

“Couldn’t help myself,” he defended when he climbed into the driver’s seat after a few moments. “You brought up butts and you know yours is my favorite butt.”

“I’m glad,” you laughed, shaking your head as you watched him start the car, sucking your lower lip into your mouth for a moment before grinning mischievously. “But I wasn’t talking about your butt, though that was nice too.”

Joe’s eyes lit up at your statement, a light flush filling his cheeks as he wrestled with what you’d just suggestively implied. Looking over to you, his jack went slightly slack, and all he could manage was a soft “Oh.”

“Smooth, babe. Real smooth.”

“You caught me off guard, come on!”

And for Queen, I ship you with Brian May!

We all know that Brian struggled with being raised as a rather womanly boy, so your more masculine personality equals out beautifully with his feminine tendencies. In categories where he lacks a masculine touch, you make up for that absence, and when you have issues with a feminine touch, he’s right there to help you along.

Synergy!

Plus, heart eye emoji at the fact that you’re a fat-bottomed girl.

Anyways, I think you and Brian would be lifelong friends. The tall ol’ softie never would have survived high school without his loyal best friend, you, to guide him through that emotional rollercoaster.

But I really don’t think you’d have a crush on him at first. I think he’d be absolutely smitten with you from the get-go - you were his rock, the only person to ground him when he got too high-strung. But because of his tendencies to be high-strung and eternally confused, you never saw him as more than a close friend.

That is, until one night that you were hanging out with him and the boys, and Roger had you caught up in a particularly in-depth conversation about Black Sabbath’s eponymous album that had been released recently. 

Roger was your go-to for anything metal related, which made Brian only slightly jealous as he watched the two of you intensely discuss whether you appreciated the blues notes that they brought to some of the songs on the album. 

“I think The Wizard is the most genius one out of all of them!” Roger gushed, and you nodded in agreement as you listened to him start to ramble on about how much he loved the song. Always the listener, you only let your eyes roam for a brief moment, pausing when you saw Brian just past Roger’s scruffy golden-brown hair.

When he caught your eye, he sent you a small smile and a brief eye roll about Roger’s rants that made you grin, and you quickly looked back to Roger as he summarized his opinion, finally. “I agree, but what about N.I.B? You can’t tell me that it isn’t up there on the quality list.”

When Roger began to dissent against your opinion, you quickly excused yourself to go grab another drink and left him to simmer, instead making your way to the kitchen and pouring yourself the rest of the whiskey as Brian entered.

“Sounds like you guys had some really important stuff to discuss,” Brian observed as he pouted slightly at the empty whiskey bottle, instead fetching himself a beer.

“I love Roger, but he could talk my ear off if I didn’t learn when to say no.” Chuckling, your lanky friend joined you at your side and leaned back against the counter, opening his beer while you took a sip of the whiskey in your cup. He watched as your nose just barely wrinkled compared to the way that his scrunched up after every sip of straight bourbon, and admiration quickly overtook his features, not able to slip away fast enough when you looked up at him.

“What?” you laughed, cocking your head a bit when he smiled at you oddly, sitting his beer on the counter. “I know I left my flat in a hurry, but do I really look that rough today?”

“No, no,” he stammered, laughing nervously as he looked forward to observe your friends out in the living room. His heart was racing, and he feared that you could hear it from that close as he swallowed hard, speaking again. “Far from it.”

That brought a slight blush to your cheeks, and you looked forward as well, your brain racing a million miles a minute as you tried to calm down. Brian usually never made you this flustered, so it was confusing to you that such a simple comment could spike your heart rate so easily. What happened?

Looking over to him again, you desperately tried to work out what was different about Brian now versus every other time he’d made an offhanded flirtatious comment all throughout your childhood. He was still looking at the living room, his eyes brimming with something unreadable, and you realized how much he’d grown from the spindly little straight-haired preppy boy you’d grown up with. 

Now he was even taller in multiple ways - of course, his height had shot up, but he also held himself in a more confident way too. He was unafraid for the most part, far from the nervous wreck you’d spent hours upon hours convincing to go do hoodrat shit with you. 

He was so sure of things now. Even if he had momentary doubts, he’d never been focused on something more than he was with the band. 

And, it did help that he was absolutely beautiful now. He’d began growing out his hair, and the curls that were on constant display were fascinating, jet-black and shiny and tempting to touch. His aquiline nose and toothy smile only added to the charm, all of it wrapped together by the warm hazel eyes that were always watching you, like right now, and suddenly you realized you were both staring at each other a moment too late as Roger came in, looking between the two of you.

Deciding against the obvious question, he instead raised an eyebrow and looked over to the empty whiskey bottle to your right, scowling. “Who did it?”

Thoroughly flustered and distracted, you took a moment to realize that Brian was pointing directly to you, and with an astonished cry, you smacked his hand away, cursing him as he laughed at you.

And from there, a slow burn of a friends-to-lover flame was alight. And I mean slow, as in not reaching culmination until 1973 or 1974, when they were really starting to make it big-time. After all, this was a ‘one of the boys’ relationship you’d had going on previously, so navigating from that to accepting your attraction to Brian and his requited attraction to you was difficult.

You’d never realized how much you really wanted to be more than just his friend until he was off on the Queen II tour and you’d gotten a call from Roger telling you that they were heading back suddenly, due to Brian’s rapidly declining health. And in those hours between that call and their arrival in London, you’d never felt more afraid. 

Suddenly, you knew exactly what it was like to be on Brian’s side of things, so you rushed to the hospital to see him.

He was yellow, so off-color, and he looked so weak when you saw him that you almost started crying when he managed a smile at your appearance. 

“Jesus, Brian, you’ve caught your death,” you muttered as you stood there next to his bed, knowing you couldn’t really touch him - that was the worst part. Now, more than ever, you wanted to hug him. But the risk of transfer was daunting, and you didn’t know if it was aggressive enough to be transmitted even by an embrace.

“Feels like it,” he laughed, his voice softer than ever before, and you frowned as you decided holding his hand was enough, taking the yellowing fingers between yours and lacing your hand with his, squeezing it gently when he gave you another soft smile. “Glad you’re here.”

“Wish we were anywhere but here, honestly,” you replied gently, on the verge of tears at the sight of your best friend so weak. “Do you need anything? Water? Food? A book?”

“Oh, shut up,” he mumbled at your fussing, a small laugh leaving his lips as he closed his eyes. “All I need right now is you. Thank you.”

“Never in my life would I expect to be thanked for hanging around and annoying the daylights out of you. Don’t you get tired of me, May?” you teased softly, trying to ease up the atmosphere as his thumb traveled over your knuckles slowly, the calloused, scratchy pad of this thumb leaving small white marks on your skin where it irritated you.

“Never,” he croaked out, so quiet you almost missed it, but a blush spread on your cheeks as you realized what needed to be said. It was now or never, and honestly, Brian was never going to have the balls to say it. That, unfortunately, was your department.

“Good. Because unfortunately, I really think you’re stuck with me for good now.”

“What?” he asked, not fully understanding what you were propositioning, although there was a hint of hope in his eyes as he opened them slowly, looking over at you. 

“I think it’s about time we went on a proper date. You and me.” You gave him a sly smile, seeing a shallow fluttering of his chest as he reckoned with what you’d just said. 

“Right now?” he whined softly, looking around at the room and sighing. “You really picked the worst time to decide that you fancied me back.”

“Oh, shut up.” It was your turn to send him an annoyed look as you stood up, giving his hand one last squeeze before heading towards the door, stopping right before you got there and looking back at him. “Anything you want me to smuggle up from the cafeteria for our date?”

He watched you for an exceedingly long time, staying completely silent and just admiring you before finally swallowing dryly and laughing a bit. “I wish I could kiss you right now.”

“I don’t think that’s on the menu down there, sorry, lovie.” He rolled his eyes at your attempt at teasing, and closed his eyes as you grinned to yourself, practically floating down the hallway on pure love.

[hermannsthumb]

i’m catsitting this weekend so i won’t be posting a bunch of drabbles like last week so pls enjoy the wildly unedited installment that falls directly after part two of my absurdly self-indulgent newt/hermann regional AU (which can be found on ao3 and tumblr)

Newt’s running late and it’s entirely his fault, but in his own defense, it’s just because he spent a lot of time getting ready for his date with Hermann. He wants to look nice, damn it. Hermann always looks nice and put-together and collected, whereas every single time he’s seen Newt, Newt’s been covered in literal fish shit and God know what else. So he takes his time, does his hair up with gel, realizes it looks terrible and then has to rinse it out, and then he gets distracted by his phone, and then--basically, he misses the bus that would’ve gotten him to the harbor in time to be there before Hermann finishes up at the center and has to take a later one and ends up half-sprinting over at 5:30.

Hermann isn’t impressed. While Newt hunches over, hands on his knees, and catches his breath, Hermann just watches him. “You’re late,” he says, when Newt finally straightens up and can breathe at a normal pace. He glances over Newt’s corduroys and t-shirt. “But. You’re clean, at least.”

“Stop flattering me,” Newt says. Hermann’s in his usual professor getup, with a sweater vest Newt’s never seen before. How many does the guy have, for real? “You’re clean, too,” he jokes, and flashes what he hopes is a flirty smile. Hermann narrows his eyes. Oh, boy, off to a good start. “I’m sorry I’m late. Buses and all. I would’ve texted, but--” But they never actually exchanged phone numbers. Maybe Hermann will get the hint, take the bait. Newt’s half reaching for his phone already.

He doesn’t. “Where are we going for dinner?” Hermann says. “You were--somewhat vague, when you asked me.”

“Oh,” Newt says sheepishly. He’d been so busy getting ready he hadn’t actually planned where they were going. “Do you, uh, have any suggestions?”

Hermann looks at him incredulously.

They end up at the harbor Noodles and Company with Hermann scowling at him over a bowl of pad thai, and Newt stirring his bowl of macaroni and cheese around nervously. “In my defense--” Newt blurts out. Hermann folds his arms across his chest. “I was nervous about making a good first impression.”

Hermann arches an eyebrow. “You realize that you already successfully made a first impression the first time you derailed one of my talks?” he says. “A poor one, I should add. A very poor one.”

“But we’re here now, aren’t we?” Newt says hopefully.

“Hm.” Hermann pokes around at his pad thai.

“Next time,” Newt says, “next time I’ll actually make, like, reservations somewhere, and somewhere nice--”

“Next time?” Hermann says.

Newt mentally kicks himself. God, damn, he’s terrible at this, he hasn’t been on a date in years. And Hermann’s so cute, with his little round glasses and cowlick, and it’s making Newt all flustered. He really wants this to go well so he can take Hermann somewhere that isn’t, actually, more or less in a shopping mall. Also, so he doesn’t get depressed every time he sees his Science Center membership card in his wallet. “Can we please just restart this whole thing?” he groans, dropping his fork to the table with a clatter and dragging his hand through his hair.

Hermann clears his throat. Newt looks up. “Good evening, Newton,” he says. “That shirt looks nice on you. I’m excited for our date.”

Newt grasps at the lifeline. “I’m excited too,” he says quickly. “I like your--sweater.” Then, because it’s the truth, he confesses, “I’ve wanted to ask you out for ages but didn’t know how.”

“Is that so?” Hermann says. He looks genuinely surprised. “I admit your methods were unconventional.”

“But they worked?” Newt says hopefully.

The corner of Hermann’s mouth twitches into a smile. “We’re here now, aren't we?” he echoes.

Dinner is surprisingly pleasant, once the rocky beginning smooths out, and they spend most of the time talking about themselves. Hermann, it turns out, is Oxford-educated and teaching astrophysics at Hopkins via an exchange program of indefinite length. He’s been here since last August. He got bored of England, apparently (though Newt can't tell for the life of him why he picked Maryland out of the entire country). Hermann’s surprised to find out that Newt was on the tenure track at MIT before he gave it up five years back to, also, move to Maryland, and then use his PhD in marine biology at the Aquarium. (“My uncle took me here once when I was a kid,” Newt explains, “and I loved it.”)

It’s cool out when they finish at the restaurant, so they go for a slow walk around the harbor as dusk settles. Newt’s hands are shoved in his pockets, but Hermann’s free hand is dangling a few inches away. He could easily take it. He really wants to take it. He doesn’t. “So you’re still pretty new around here, then,” Newt says.

“I suppose,” Hermann says. “I haven’t ventured much outside of the city. Or much inside the city either, truthfully.”

“I could show you around some more.” Play it cool, Newt thinks. Play it casual. “You know, if you want. There’s a bunch of weird shops, and bars, and movie theaters and shit in the area. Uh. If you like movies?” Hermann looks likes the type who goes to operas or sees depressing plays or shit.

Hermann rolls his eyes. “I like movies, Newton, I’m a human being.”

Just two more things they have in common, then. “Awesome,” Newt says.

Newt fully expects to take the bus back to his apartment, but Hermann surprises him by offering him a ride once they end their walk at the harbor entrance. “You sure?” he says. “I mean, I’m not super close--”

“It’s no trouble,” Hermann assures him. “As you demonstrated, the buses can be quite unreliable.”

Newt recites his address and fidgets in Hermann’s passenger seat the entire drive home. Did Hermann have a good time? Newt did. Enough for a second date, definitely. Hermann likes movies. Maybe he wants to see one with Newt this weekend or something. Is that too soon? That’s probably too soon. He might weird Hermann out. Play it cool. Next week. “Isn’t this you?” Hermann says. He’s staring expectantly at Newt--they’re outside Newt’s apartment. God, how long have they been sitting there?

“Yes.” He scrambles to unbuckle himself. “Yeah, sorry.” He slams the car door behind himself when he gets out, and panics when he realizes he forgot to say goodnight to Hermann. Hermann’s already rolling down the car window when Newt turns around. He looks mildly amused, at least. “I had a lot of fun!” Newt says quickly, leaning in. “Uh. Thanks for the ride. Sorry about, you know. Everything.”

“You can always make it up to me,” Hermann says smoothly, “next time. Goodnight, Newton.”

“I can!” Newt beams at him and takes a step back. “Goodnight!”

“Don’t you get tired of talking about black holes every single day?” he says the follow Wednesday, trailing Hermann out of the planetarium. “I mean, you give the same lecture every single day.” Newt follows a routine and everything too, but at least he cycles between what creatures he’s feeding on any given day. Hermann’s whole spiel is practically word-for-word each time. Even down to the little pauses between topics.

“You seem to have no trouble finding new faults in it every single day,” Hermann says, doing his best to outwalk Newt. He’s a fast bastard, damn him, but it’s nice knowing that their dynamic hasn’t changed too much. “Feel free to stop attending if I’m boring you.”

“Oh, Hermann, I’ll never get tired of your pretty face.”

“Mm.” Hermann manages to make a hum sound sarcastic. “How long is your lunch break, exactly? I wouldn’t want to keep you from what I can only assume is very important work.”

“Long enough. Anyway, important question,” Newt does a half-jog until he’s standing in front of Hermann, and Hermann finally slows down, thank God, “dinner and movie this week? I’ll pay. And, here’s the real bonus, I might even be on time.”

“Tempting,” Hermann says, but smiles. “What movie?”

“I’d say the new Jurassic World, but Jeff Goldblum’s only in it for, like, a minute, so who gives a shit. But the Charles is doing a revival showing for Creature From the Black Lagoon,” Newt waggles his eyebrows, “in 3-D. Sounds pretty cool, huh?” Hermann makes a noncommittal noise. Newt claps his hands together. “Sweet! Friday at seven! I do actually have to get back to work, though, or I might get fired or something, the warning wasn’t super clear, I was distracted, so--”

Newt’s promise to be on time holds up, and he meets Hermann in the lobby of the theater a bit before seven, even, which is a great record for him. He waves at Hermann excitedly through the door, but when he gets to him, he’s not sure what to do. High-five? No, that’s weird, people don’t do that on dates. Handshake? Is it way too early for a kiss? He decides to go in for a hug, but he takes too long and Hermann turns at the last second to look at the concession stand and it turns into an awkward shoulder-pat. Just once, Newt would like to not look like a dumbass.

“There’s a cool place across the street we can go for dinner,” Newt says as they wait in line to buy tickets, “if you don’t mind eating late, anyway.”

They get good seats, but the 3D turns out to be a mistake almost immediately. “Shit,” Newt says, as he tries unsuccessfully to tuck his 3D glasses--the old, retro blue and red kind--behind his real glasses, and then just as unsuccessfully in front of them. “I kinda--forgot why I don’t see 3D movies.”

Hermann, somehow, has managed to balance the 3D pair perfectly with his little nerdy round librarian ones and is watching Newt struggle with a smug look on his face. “Would you like some help?” he says. “You’re making it out to be much more difficult than it should be.”

Newt scowls at him. “I got this, dude,” he says, but then the house lights dim and Newt doesn’t, actually, got this, and eventually just gives up and resigns himself to watching the movie with the weird red and blue lines going over the black and white. The plus side is that he can actually see the screen. And it’s not like he hasn’t seen it a million times before.

Besides: he has much more important things to think about, namely, how Hermann is shyly inching a hand across Newt’s armrest to tangle their fingers together, and how he doesn’t move it for the rest of the film.

He holds Newt’s hand on the way out of the theater, too, and when they cross the street to get to the cool little diner Newt’s recommended. He does, finally, drop it when Newt holds the door open for him, but Newt doesn’t lose his goofy smile, not even when they’re seated at a booth and given menus. “It’s certainly eclectic,” Hermann remarks as he takes the diner all in. His eyes linger over the massive pulp art posters on the wall, the neon lighting, the weird, gaudy sci-fi themed decor. “Very...colorful.”

“Wait,” Newt says, and quickly flips open his menu and shoves it at Hermann, “this is the real reason I wanted to take you here.”

Hermann glances over the page. “Are the hamburgers--”

“All named after planets!” Newt says, nearly bouncing in his seat. Hermann fixes him with an odd, soft look, that just serves to make Newt nervous. “I thought you’d like it.”

“I do,” he says, closing the menu delicately. “Thank you, Newton.”

“Since, you know, you’ve got a boner for black holes and space and everything--”

“Thank you, Newton,” Hermann says, a bit louder.

Hermann drives him home again, and Newt deliberately lingers in the car this time when they get to his apartment. He really wants invite Hermann inside. Is two dates too early for that? Newt hasn’t been on more than one date with someone in his entire life in his very limited dating experience, and--during his undergrad days--a good deal of those ended in one-night stands. He’s probably not the best authority on it. On the other hand, he’s known Hermann for almost a month, so it’s not like that’s totally rushing things. Newt’s gonna ask him.

“May I kiss you?” Hermann says suddenly, and Newt’s suggestive invite dies on his tongue. It’s--bizarrely polite, and professional, like he’s asking if Newt would like coffee or something, but it startles Newt anyway. He nods, and Hermann leans over and kisses him once, chastely. “Thank you,” he says primly, while Newt’s goofy smile returns. Newt’s not sure if Hermann means the date or the kiss or both, but frankly, he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t end up inviting Hermann inside, but he spends the rest of the night deliriously happy anyway.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Let’s Try That Again; The 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes

The horror movie remake is a polarizing topic that drives the horror community crazy. You either love remakes, or hate them. Few horror movie re-imaginings have been able to rise above their “remake” branding. Too many fans chalking their existence up to exploiting a film or franchise’s existing fandom, being made purely for profit, being rushed, or re-envisioning iconic characters to a lesser extent.

Despite not being received with open arms, there are a select few remakes that stand above the pack – converting their audiences of naysayers into rabid fans, re-invigorating the franchise they birthed from. Here are our picks for the 10 best horror movie remakes!

  10. Friday the 13th (2009)

Against the advice of locals and police, Clay (Jared Padalecki) scours the eerie woods surrounding Crystal Lake for his missing sister. But the rotting cabins of an abandoned summer camp are not the only things he finds. Hockey-masked killer Jason Voorhees lies in wait for a chance to use his razor-sharp machete on Clay and the group of college students who have come to the forest to party.

  Alright, I may get a lot of flack for putting this one on the list. But I really do love the Friday the 13th remake. It’s over the top, it’s got everything you want in a slasher, and there’s exactly 13 kills. While it doesn’t hold a torch to the original from 1980, this 2009 remake directed by Marcus Nispel ain’t half bad. There’s some really fun kills and a bit of back story about Jason.

  9. Piranha 3D (2010)

Spring break turns gory when an underground tremor releases hundreds of prehistoric, carnivorous fish into Lake Victoria, a popular waterside resort. Local cop Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) must join forces with a band of unlikely strangers — though they are badly outnumbered — to destroy the ravenous creatures before everyone becomes fish food.

  Piranha 3D is the perfect summer film! The original was released in 1978 and was titled simply Piranha. In 2010 we got a 3D remake that took the thriller element from the original and added way more boobs. And humor. And blood. Piranha 3D is a cheesy gore-fest. Directed by Alexandre Aja, it has an all-star cast including Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd and Jerry O’Connell. A great flick to watch in a group while vacationing at a lake. Just make sure to maybe check there’s not another lake under that lake.. filled with ancient piranhas.

  8. Quarantine (2008)

Reporter Angela (Jennifer Carpenter) and her cameraman Scott (Steve Harris) are doing a story on night-shift firefighters for a reality-TV program. A late-night distress call takes them to a Los Angeles apartment building, where the police are investigating a report of horrific screams. The TV team and emergency workers find an old woman, who suddenly attacks with teeth bared. What’s more, Angela and company find that the building has been sealed by CDC workers. Then the attacks really begin.

  [REC] (2007) is a Spanish found footage film directed by Jaume Balagueró. The film is absolutely terrifying and exactly how found footage should be done. One year later came the American remake Quarantine, directed by John Erick Dowdle. Both films follow the exact same story, so there’s not a lot of surprises watching the American remake. Both films also set up for a bunch of sequels, some of which are really great. The American version stars Jennifer Carpenter in the lead role, who does a great job carrying the story. I won’t say much more because both of these films should be watched with no prior knowledge of the story. The first time I saw the ending was one of the few times I’ve screamed out loud while watching a horror film. I apologized profusely to my neighbors.

  7. Evil Dead (2013)

Mia (Jane Levy), a drug addict, is determined to kick the habit. To that end, she asks her brother, David (Shiloh Fernandez), his girlfriend, Natalie (Elizabeth Blackmore) and their friends Olivia (Jessica Lucas) and Eric (Lou Taylor Pucci) to accompany her to their family’s remote forest cabin to help her through withdrawal. Eric finds a mysterious Book of the Dead at the cabin and reads aloud from it, awakening an ancient demon. All hell breaks loose when the malevolent entity possesses Mia.

  Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead was originally released in 1981. A campy, low-budget film that became an instant cult classic. In 2013, Fede Alverez’s re-imagined the beloved story of Ash and his deadites, creating a darker, more sinister interpretation. One of the biggest changes, was opting for an incredible female lead played by Jan Levy.  The film is deliciously dark, and only embellishes the silly, zany palate of the Evil Dead Franchise.  There’s been a lot of chatter about a sequel being in the works, but nothing concrete.

  6. Willard (2003)

Desperate for companionship, the repressed Willard (Crispin Glover) befriends a group of rats that inhabit his late father’s deteriorating mansion. In these furry creatures, Willard finds temporary refuge from daily abuse at the hands of his bedridden mother (Jackie Burroughs) and his father’s old partner, Frank (R. Lee Ermey). Soon it becomes clear that the brood of rodents is ready and willing to exact a vicious, deadly revenge on anyone who dares to bully their sensitive new master.

  Willard was released in 1973 and the remake came years later to screens in 2003. It stars Crispin Glover in one of his best roles, and a crap tone of rats. Glen Morgan directed this awesome remake and fills it with everything you’d want in a terrifying situation about killer rats. Glover shines on-screen as a total weirdo and carries the film with perfection. If you weren’t scared of rats before, you will be after this flick ends.

  5. The Grudge (2004)

Matthew Williams (William Mapother), his wife, Jennifer (Clea DuVall), and mother, Emma (Grace Zabriskie), are Americans making a new life in Tokyo. Together they move into a house that has been the site of supernatural occurrences in the past, and it isn’t long before their new home begins terrorizing the Williams family as well. The house, as it turns out, is the site of a curse that lingers in a specific place and claims the lives of anyone that comes near.

  An American remake from the Japanese original Ju-On: The Grudge released in 2002. The remake, directed by Takashi Shimizu, the same person who directed the original, is terrifying. Back in the early 2000’s it was harder for North Americans to access J-horror and horror audiences were grateful for an accessible remake. Starring Sarah Michelle Geller in the lead role, she carries the story with grace. There’s so many memorable moments and jump scares. While I do recommend The Grudge, I say go crazy and watch both the original and remake one after the other. Have the pants scared off of you!

  4. The Fly (1986)

  When scientist Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) completes his teleportation device, he decides to test its abilities on himself. Unbeknownst to him, a housefly slips in during the process, leading to a merger of man and insect. Initially, Brundle appears to have undergone a successful teleportation, but the fly’s cells begin to take over his body. As he becomes increasingly fly-like, Brundle’s girlfriend (Geena Davis) is horrified as the person she once loved deteriorates into a monster.

  Originally released in 1958, it was a long time before The Fly remake came around in 1986. The original movie was adapted from a short story written by George Langelaan. The remake was directed by the always impressive David Cronenberg and starred Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis. Both brought insane performances to this movie which makes it such a great remake. Of course, it is Cronenberg, so…you know…don’t eat while you’re watching it.

  3. Dawn of the Dead (2004)

When her husband is attacked by a zombified neighbor, Ana (Sarah Polley) manages to escape, only to realize her entire Milwaukee neighborhood has been overrun by the walking dead. After being questioned by cautious policeman Kenneth (Ving Rhames), Ana joins him and a small group that gravitates to the local shopping mall as a bastion of safety. Once they convince suspicious security guards that they are not contaminated, the group bands together to fight the undead hordes.

  The original Dawn of the Dead was a fantastic, beautiful, groundbreaking film from Romero, released in 1978. The remake came in 2004, helmed by James Gunn and Zack Snyder. What stands out about this remake is how far they veer from the source material. But it works! The film boasts a strong cast featuring Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, and Jake Weber, to name a few. There’s also some heart-breaking moments and genuine scares. Oh, and zombies. Lots of those.

  2. The Ring (2002)

It sounds like just another urban legend — a videotape filled with nightmarish images leads to a phone call foretelling the viewer’s death in exactly seven days. Newspaper reporter Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts) is skeptical of the story until four teenagers all die mysteriously exactly one week after watching just such a tape. Allowing her investigative curiosity to get the better of her, Rachel tracks down the video and watches it. Now she has just seven days to unravel the mystery.

  Another J-horror American remake. Ringu was first released in 1998 based on the book Ring by Koji Suzuki. In 2002, along came The Ring directed by Gore Verbinski. This was a huge deal for us teenagers in the early 2000’s and made us all terrified of our landlines. The Ring is beautifully shot and colored mystery. It’s a wonderfully done film. It stars Naomi Watts as the mother fighting to save herself and her child, played by David Dorfman.

  1. The Thing (1982)

In remote Antarctica, a group of American research scientists are disturbed at their base camp by a helicopter shooting at a sled dog. When they take in the dog, it brutally attacks both human beings and canines in the camp and they discover that the beast can assume the shape of its victims. A resourceful helicopter pilot (Kurt Russell) and the camp doctor (Richard Dysart) lead the camp crew in a desperate, gory battle against the vicious creature before it picks them all off, one by one.

  You didn’t think I’d make this list without The Thing did you? Come on! Originally titled The Thing from Another World and released in 1951, the remake was done by John Carpenter in 1982. The Thing is probably the one film everyone will agree on. It’s perfection on-screen. Giant, snowy, cold landscapes filled with unbearable tension and fear. An outstanding performance from all involved – but Kurt Russell stands out on top. Amazing practical effects and a terrifying premise, The Thing is the penultimate remake. They actually remade this again in 2011, but let’s not talk about that..

  Those are our picks for the 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes! Are any of your favorites on this list? If not, let us know what your favorite horror remakes are in the comments below, or over in our Facebook Group!

The post Let’s Try That Again; The 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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[braindamageforbeginners]

Jurassic Park

I just saw Jurassic Park again. I don't mean whichever version of Jurassic World is out with Chris Pratt this week, I mean the original one, which is so old that I believe it used actual footage of dinosaurs because it was filmed in the late Triassic. The one that was released in, Gods help me, 1993, and is now being rereleased in certain places. If it's your burg, I'd recommend checking it out; I went for $12 and thought it was worth it. This was a sort of experiment on my part; I've seen the film about 400 times, and reread the book more than a few times (most recently in 2010); I went based on the recommendation/idea in the von Hoffman Bros. Big Damn Book of Sheer Manliness (yes, that's a thing), that said, of Apocalypse Now, "If you get the chance, see on the big screen, with theater-quality sound, it's a real slap in the brain-pan." Now, I've gotten my brainpan slapped more than anyone should in recent years (almost literally), so I thought I'd do it wth an old familiar favorite (but remastered), and, even though I liked it, there are a few things that you notice when you're trapped in an adult's body. First off, from a cellular biology perspective (and I've known about this one for years, so it's not a revelation), they jump from "reassembling ancient DNA" to "dinosaurs are back." We know from Dolly that it'd require an ooctye (egg) to kick off the cloning process. Crichton glossed over this in the book, too, but as an adult with a background in the field (sort of), it's incredibly - almost invitingly - lazy that this would go from book to screen (actually, it's not so surprising when you know that Michael Crichton is also the credited screen writer, and he's historically good at overlooking and committing to film his errors), when, to paraphrase "Thank You for Smoking," it's an immediate and easy fix, "Thank God we invented the [whatever] device." Ellie and Alan's relationship is amazingly dysfunctional. It's one thing not to want children, and it's one thing to have incompatible long-term goals. It's another thing entirely to verbally crap on your girlfriends' aspirations at every single point. It's unsettling and a little creepy; Alan Grant will go on, at length about the evils of children even when there are no children in sight and the conversation/dialog only casually touches upon it, but I don't think you make it past the fifth date with that attitude. To be fair, the filmmakers' manage to create the world's most unbearably annoying child characters ever (and, 20 years later, it is beyond weird to know that Tim, cast as Eugene Slede, will on day say, with utmost conviction, "I hope the Japanese don't surrender. I hope we get to kill every single one of them."). Alan also gets minus Chekov points for having a giant, shiny bottle opener on his belt in every single scene (go ahead and watch the movie again) without ever using it, even though he brings his weird velociraptor claw with him to dinosaur island, and keeps it with him after learning dinosaurs are back. Speaking of enormous shiny things that are visually distracting, let's talk Jeff Goldblum (the character is Ian Grant, but I'm sure it's all Jeff). I know that we've been conditioned by years of exposure to the Internet to hold the Great Shirtless One above fault (and the entire theater erupted into applause at the start of that scene), but he is beyond creepy toward Ellie throughout the film; touchy, quick-moving, and behaving in a way I wouldn't endorse for anyone not contemplating a nomination for Supreme Court. Depite every single adult male in this film being kind of rapey or astonishingly indifferent about Ellie (that would be Alan). the film technically passes the Bechdel test. Stick with me on this one. The Bechdel Test was originally put forth by Alison Bechdel as a test of feminism in a film (or a test of not-outright sexism, as the case might be). The test - and it's fairly simple - is that a film feature two or more female characters, discussing something other than a man, in at least one scene. Back to the feature at hand, you'll remember that all the dinosaurs in the film, according to Wu, are female. Even though they later learn that the dinosaurs, thanks to frog DNA, can swap genders (actually, that's more common in chordates than you'd think). There are three adult velociraptors in the film; let's assume for the argument that two of the three identify as female. Now, go back and watch that kitchen scene where the two raptors hunt the kids in the kitchen and are clearly communicating with each other. Admittedly, one of those two kids is Tim, but he's so annoying throughout  the film that I'd really rather not categorize him as "human," much less traditionally male. Speaking of the dinosaurs hunting the kids, every single character exerts themselves far more than necessary to achieve their ends. The paleontologists get on a helicopter with a man they literally met twenty minutes before (as the Too Long, Didn't Watch guys point out, this never, ever ends well in reality) because he offers to pay them; the lawyer (Gennaro) wears a tie and button-up shirt with shorts (as someone who has lived in the tropics, it's a very, very basic intelligence test to see how you dress when you actually have time to pack and plan ahead, and, even then, putting on pants to leave the apartment will have you cursing those vile missionaries who converted everyone to linen shackles); and Newman (technically Nedry, but, again, the degree to which every actor commits to their well-known characters throughout this film is impressive) works way too hard to steal way too little. First of all, there's a reason over 99,9% of initially-promising biomedical discoveries lead to a final drug or therapy; it's enormously costly to develop and safety-test a product at each point. Even the coolest, old-timey drug companies rarely discovered drugs for themselves, they patented or investigated promising prior research. Going from "Maybe that mosquito trapped in amber has DNA in it" to "brachiosaurus" would be cost-prohibitive. Especially when you consider that this was 1993; Bill Gates would've been able to buy and sell the island ten times over just a few years later. Michael Crichton predicted that this would restrict biotech companies to entertainment-related investments (he got that hilariously wrong, as I can testify to on a personal and professional level). He also predicted that exploitative employer/employee relationships would intensify (he got that one right) in the book, by making Nedry a programmer who had underbid his peers to get Hammond's contract, which was unfairly added to and amended until the character was almost driven out of business. The book also makes it clear that, despit Hammond's claims, the park cuts every financial corner it can, including hiring only the lowest-bidding contractors or least-qualified people (in the film, the vet doesn't even look at the triceratops' mouth until Ellie does, which is something even horse owners know is important). So, they wind up with Newman. Who, instead of simply embezzling the money (I refuse to believe my Step-Mom's nonsensical claim that Newman would be able to get access to the high-tech, uber-secret Embryo Storage Lair, but not have access to the payroll programming or pension fund data), creates the world's most convoluted scheme to steal Hammond's embryos and sell them to a competitor. This film also predicted the rise of vegans. I base that on Lex's line regarding the dinosaurs eating the goat ("I happen to be a vegetarian.")(as someone from the future watching that and hearing the line, "I'm a vegan;" it's kind of chilling). I also realized something weird and kind of dispiriting wih this viewing. I'm not really sure I'd want to travel and go out of my way to go to dinosaur island, because dinosaurs aren't quite as interesting at age 95 as they were when I was young. Don't get me wrong, I still love dinosaurs far more than the average man-child, but I've learned a few things since then. So, I've kept abreast of intelligence-measuring tools developed by modern science (I know, that's a shocker). We all know of the body mass: brain mass ratio; but we've since developed the encephalization quotient (EQ) which, I believe (and I might be wrong) is a comparison of the body mass: brain ratio for a specific animal with the expected ratio of a critter with similar mass. And, when we use that as the predictor, animal rankings look more like what we'd expect, intuitively - Humans, dolphins, chimpanzees, gorillas, and parrots are the top-five scorers. Using that tool, the smartest of dinosaurs were about as intelligent as the dumbest modern birds. I love chickens, but even the most ardent fowl-owner would admit that chickens are not exactly weighted down by brains. That might not seem like an epiphany, but I now own a goldendoodle who is possibly more clever than me (on my bad days). He's a great dog, but that ability to outthink and outorganize me makes him far more troublesome than all the dogs we owned before (and we had 10 huskies at one point). Same thing with dinosaurs, every creature you see has 70 million years' of evolution on them. The critters around today are better-suited to this planet and more interesting (speaking from a biology background)  than the vast majority of dinosaurs. If given the choice between a lifetime pass at the San Diego Wild Animal Park and one or two trips to dinosaur island, I know that we're not going to have elephants for much longer, which makes one clearly more appealing. Which, come to it, may have been the entire point of "Jurassic Park."

[sweetdreamr]

thoughts on thor: ragnarok

I’m gonna preface this by saying that I really really wanted to like this movie. Like. Really.

But, as the Rolling Stones once said, we can’t always get what we want.

Be warned, this is long af.

Hits:

--Valkyrie--um, lethal, gorgeous, haunted by her past? Yes please. I’ve been a sucker for that one since my Xena fangirl days. Her bond with Hulk was also funny and warm (”Angry girl!” made me smile, the more so because she seemed less angry around him.) It was nice to see somebody having fun around here.

--Hela-- Her costume was epic. I was antsy about what they’d do with her clothing, given that it can be pretty, uh, minimal in the comics sometimes. Fortunately that didn’t happen here. She was equal parts scary, funny, and seriously badass, and i enjoyed the parallels between her relationship with Odin, and that of Loki and Thor.

--Grandmaster was fucking hilarious and occasionally cruel, and who knew Jeff Goldblum could rock blue eye makeup like that?

--Fenris. I still wanna pet the puppy. Even undead he is floofy and gorgeous.

--Thor having to see Hulk naked. That’s karma, asshole.

--Loki’s costumes were fantastic, and his ability to be equally resilient yet able to charm his way into the Grandmaster’s good graces (and STAY there, since the Grandmaster is fickle af) is one of the few things about him that stayed in-character.

--It’s nice to see Loki supporting the arts in Asgard. Also, eating healthy is important. U go Loki.

--Matt Damon had the role of a lifetime as Loki. He may as well end his career now, since it’s not gonna get any better than that.

--Odin’s death scene was really beautifully done. Even if Odin suddenly being about to die made no fucking sense. At least he doesn’t seem pissed at Loki, and let us have a nice little moment between them.

--I liked the acknowledgement that Odin’s power and wealth has a really ugly history. For all Asgard’s beauty, it’s built on something truly hideous.

--Loki: “You had ONE JOB.”

--Thor is right about Hulk’s room and its stylistic choices. It was ugly af.

--Literally everything Heimdall. He gets better with every film, but goddamn does he need more scenes. Still, his hair looks great and he’s the unsung hero of the film.

--Thor losing his eye and becoming more like Odin, but hopefully better. Also, harnessing his lightning/thunder powers fucking ruled.

--”Oh? You’re the God of Hammers now?” Odin pls stop making me laugh. I’m trying to hate you over here.

Misses:

Oh boy here we go, strap in kiddies.

--Odin’s power and legacy is shown, as mentioned above, to come from true ugliness, and yet? He doesn’t have to answer for it at all, and instead dies a peaceful death. I liked that scene, don’t get me wrong, but what the fuck?

--Really, Loki? Skurge was the best replacement you could find for Heimdall? Maybe try Ziprecruiter or something next time?

--Thor. Um, has anyone seen this guy? Do you think he knows that some douchebag stole his outfit and is douching his way around the multiverse pretending to be the God of Thunder for most of the film? More on this later.

--Why would the realms have gone to hell after Loki assumed the throne? Nothing in his past within the films indicated to me that he’d be a poor ruler, certainly no worse than Odin. He might get bored with it, and come to dislike it, but Loki can and does do many things he doesn’t particularly like, and does them well. (Exhibit A: playing second fiddle to Thor, etc.)

--How the fuck did Loki’s spell drain Odin of his magic? Also, if Loki is that powerful, how the fuck did Dr. Strange manage to trap him for 30 seconds, let alone 30 minutes?

--Seriously, Odin’s death made no goddamn sense. At all.

--I’m calling a bam on Thor saying “I have a feeling it will all work out fine.” THOR. IT GETS WORSE AFTER YOU SAY THAT. EVERY TIME. STOP.

--Dr. Strange’s cameo was a waste of my fucking time. That’s like 20 minutes of my time that I will never get back. You’d think, being such an experienced actor, that Benedict Cumberbatch’s American accent would be way better, but it sounds awful. Like, really really awful. I’d rather fall for 30 minutes with Loki than have to listen to that auditory nightmare again.

--Who was Hela’s mother? (I mean given that her father is Odin, her mother could be pretty much ANYONE.) Not a big deal that we never found out, but it annoyed me anyway.

--Are we gonna talk about how Hulk has spent the last two years fucking murdering people?

--Also, how the fuck did Odin convince an entire kingdom (or NINE) that his daughter never existed? I’m assuming magic, but as the writers didn’t give enough of a damn to think this was worth explaining, I’m not about to theorize and do their job for them.

--WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SUBJECTED TO HULK’S NAKED ASS? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE HAVING TO SEE THAT WITH MY OWN EYEBALLS. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

--The Warriors Three died the most pointless fucking deaths ever, literally for no goddamn reason. There was no need to kill them off, since it would have been perfectly logical for Thor to send them to various parts of the realms to restore peace. Honestly, the only reason for their deaths that I can fathom would have been to increase Thor’s grief, but we never see him learn of their deaths or mourn them, so that can’t be it. Again, pointless.

Remember when I said I’d talk about Thor’s OOC behavior later? It’s later. And OH BOY do i have a lot to say.

--I’m about to contact the authorities and put in an MIA search for Loki and Thor’s character development. It was nowhere to be seen in this film. They were just tossed straight into their old cycle of betray, threaten, beat up. It’s stupid as fuck, and I’m really fucking annoyed that I have to sit through this again. Sometimes it’s entertaining but at this point? It’s just tedious.

I’d also like to point out that the initial relationship presented to us in the first Thor film was really not that cycle. It’s vaguely hinted at, but not completely spelled out. There was genuine love and affection punctuated by the occasional prank, but that’s pretty much all I got. While I recognize that the cycle is a central theme in the comics, the film versions are very, very different. That said, it makes giving the film characters the storylines of their comic book counterparts is a tricky business that needs to be handled a LOT better than it was here.

Spoiler alert: It was not handled well here. At all.

Oh, then there’s Thor’s repeated line of “That’s what heroes do”, which was reminiscent of this:

Not a great parallel to evoke, guys. I’m just saying.

Because last time I checked, heroes don’t leave their brothers tazed and convulsing on the floor. That’s not a hero move, that’s a dick move. Thor is supposed to have evolved from that, and bringing it back for the sake of punchline just feels like a cheap-ass way of getting laughs. (Yes, there’s the possibility that they planned this together, but again, I’m not wasting my time honeypotting for hack writers.)

I mean, the Thor we’ve been presented with so far is warm-hearted and smarter than most people think, and he does his best to make things right when he fucks up.

Except for this movie, apparently.

Also, while I didn’t mind Loki’s ‘looking out for ME’ mindset (it’s one of the few things that actually made sense--I mean fuck, who else is gonna do it?), Thor’s surprise at it was kind of ridiculous. What the fuck did you expect? It’s like he totally forgot that, at the end of the first film, he realized his role in inflicting damage onto Loki that helped to make him into what he was.

Instead it was like:

Um yes. Yes it fucking does. Does this negate Loki’s choices, or his actions? Fuck no. But it did play a role, so let’s at least acknowledge that, shall we? Having said that, it’s logical to conclude that continuing the same behavior that inflicted the initial damage is counterproductive at best. And a shitty creative choice if ever there was one.

Thor’s anger over Odin’s death, and Loki’s supposed causing of it (albeit intentionally) made sense, (i guess? i didn’t understand Odin’s death scene in case u hadn’t noticed) but it was done in such a weird way. “I hate you, oh no wait let’s banter, oh okay now i’m mad at you again, whoops no i’m not” all throughout the film. Conflicting feelings is one thing, but goddamn, pick a fucking flavor.

Also, what the fuck is Marvel’s issue with portraying psychological trauma? The way they do it, it’s like it isn’t even worth mentioning unless it can be played for laughs. (See: Naked Selvig running around in TDW, without much reference as to why he’s doing that. “Oh he’s naked hahaha”, yeah, let’s not treat this with any sympathy at ALL, good job Marvel.)

And in Loki’s case? Oh God. The whole scene where he sees Hulk again is just. So awful. That it’s played for laughs makes it worse. Loki getting his comeuppance from Hulk during the first film after trying to use him actually had purpose (Loki’s defeat and Hulk’s taking revenge at being used), but since he hasn’t done anything to Hulk during Ragnarok, it’s just not all that funny.

I mean, fucking hell, psychological trauma does have absurdities that can lend their way to humor, but doing it at the expense of the traumatized person is fucked up and gross. Whether or not the traumatized person is a nice person or not really doesn’t come into it. Or at least, it shouldn’t.

Myy good friend @icyxmischief has a lot of meta about this on her blog, and she’s way more eloquent than me, so please go read it. It’s amazeballs.

[electricdazemag]

Skelevision: Interview

by Tasha Bielaga

Portland’s finest surf punk pysch band is alive and well, in fact, it’s whole music scene is. Skelevision, formally known as Thong, has been around for a little over a year. Two EP’s, a tour, and a few festivals later, Skelevision is gearing up for their first full-length album and making a name for themselves. Vocalist and guitarist Gage Nelson, drummer Philip Zevenbergen, and bassist Gavin Houck spend their days balancing work, school, and each other’s sarcasm. We talk about their infamous Plasma Blasts, how music and art sculpts their lives, and the DIY community.

Electric Daze: The band just went through a name change & recently transitioned from “Thong” to “Skelevision”. Why?

Skelevision: We honestly just thought that there could be a better name. Thong was something we came up with kind of last minute. It gives us the wrong vibe now, and puts us in a certain crowd. Our sound has changed as well since we lost a member and changing the name seemed fitting, like a fresh start. It’s also going to be easier to approach labels and other people now.

ED: How do you feel your sound is changing now that you have one less member, as well as just becoming better musicians throughout the past year?

Gage: We’ve become a tighter band now. When we write, I introduce the idea, Gavin gets his bassline, and then Phil does the drums, and it almost always works out. I’ve started to have to play lead now and I’m learning how to play it better.  I have to write our songs in a way that I can play lead and rhythm, and it’s different but it’s nice.

Phil: We’ve been forced to change the way that we play and the detail in how we play.  I play very rhythmically now to try to make it feel just as full as it did before, but I think we’re becoming better musicians as we push ourselves.

ED: Do you think the DIY house show, lo-fi route that you’re taking is better for the band instead of going the route of trying to get an agent and a label right away?

Phil: Definitely. We’ve developed as a band so much by playing shows, and if we had recording an album right off the bat, our songs would be so much less exciting and not composed as well as they are. We’ve only kept a few of our original songs. It’s awesome that we have a fanbase in Portland now, people who we can count on to be at our shows and they wear our shirts. It’s like if you’re trying to get a label to sign you and they realize that no one in your hometown has ever given a fuck about you, they’re not going to think you’re important.

Gavin: The hardest part right now is that we don’t really have music online right now. It’s also cool to do everything ourselves, Phil manages and I record. When we do get a label, everything’s going to change. 

 ED: I head there’s a new album in the works. What was it like writing that set of songs?

Gage: It’s going to be around 12 songs, hopefully to come out in August. I wrote all the lyrics. I’ve always been good at poetry, but I mostly make up the words on the spot. I’ll jam the song and just sing whatever the vibe gives me, that way I can get the structure right. Then I go back and listen to what I said and keep anywhere from 40 to 80% of the lyrics, and rewrite the rest.

ED: What’s the goal around Jeff’s Plasma Blast?

Skelevision: The goal is to have a Jeff’s Plasma Blast as a tour kick off every time we head out on tour. The next one will be on August 18th at the Hawthorne Theater, featuring bands like The Goobs, Fringe Class, Mean Jeans, and Wampire. Once we have more publicity around it we really want to get Jeff Goldblum to come and be our MC.

ED: Phil does all the booking for you guys. What’s it like self-managing, reaching out to these bigger bands, and getting your shows set up?

Phil: It’s a mix between being personal and being business-y. For Plasma Blast, I reached out to Rocky from Wampire personally, and I hit up all the local bands personally too. But lately with bigger bands, I’ve started reaching out to their agents because that’s ultimately who I end up talking to.

ED: Do you guys have a favorite part of playing shows?

Gage: For me, it’s fun to share what I’ve written. The attention is nice too, usually at parties or shows I just talk to my close friends but when we play everyone’s listening and it’s not awkward.

Phil: I just like to freak somebody out or make someone laugh. Goofing off and playing the drums is like the one way I can be myself and be a nut.

Gavin: It’s cool to have everyone listening to you and moving together, everyone’s on the same page when we play shows.

ED: Best part of the DIY community?

Phil: The other band heads that I get to work with. Everyone’s really chill and interesting. I love booking with Dererk Housh, Darin O’Brien, and Nik Barnaby. I love the people come out to our shows, but I’m so bad at taking positive feedback.

Gavin: It’s nice being known in a community. I can go to a show and people know who I am.

ED: Two of you attend school, and you all of jobs. What’s it like balancing school, jobs, and the band?

Gavin: My boss is pretty respectful about letting me take the time off for touring and shows, sometimes I might have to miss a gig but it works out.

Gage: I only work in the morning so that’s easy for me, but I definitely weigh the band above school. I also have a solo project that I’m writing. School kinda sucks so it’s easy to push off.

Philip: For me it’s harder. Skelevision is one of many things I do. I’m also a full time student, the publicity coordinator at 5th Ave Cinema, I work at the nickel arcade, and my top priority is my horror movies that are produced under the name Bad Taste Pictures. Skelevision is cool because we can make it work between all of us and always find time that works for everyone. It’s hard, but it makes it so when we do have time to be together we get stuff done.

ED: What was the thing that pushed you to pursue art and music?

Gavin: Art is very important to human culture. There’s a lot of shit going on in the world and if you can focus on art it’s a good escape.

Gage: Everything else is just kind of terrible. School is terrible, except the learning aspect, and work is usually mundane. But with art you’re not worried about anything but your art. It’s an outlet more than anything.

Phil: For me it’s a little different. I’ll see something I want to do, and then figure out how to do it. Before Skelevision, I was in a different band. We played one house show but it didn’t come out the way we wanted it to. G*U*N played before us and the crowd was going off the walls and I went “I want that for us, for us to play and be able to make people move like that.” Once Skelevision got together and started jamming, I realized we were good and we started booking shows.

ED: Phil, you’re planning on moving to New York when you’re done with school. What is Skelevision’s future when that happens?

Gavin: If Skelevision is doing well then, and Gage wants to do it, I’m happy to move to New York.

Gage: I think if we’re still together and where the band is, I would go.

Phil: New York is a good city for bands as well. If they end up not going, I’m happy for them to continue without me and turn into something else or just foster. I would love us to conquer the East Coast as a band.

ED: The three of you are pretty young (19), do you think that’s a hindrance or that it’s helpful?

Gavin: People don’t expect us to be young. I think it’s super helpful in the long run that we’re young. We’re getting a headstart doing all this stuff now, so by the time we’re 21 we already know how to do it.

Phil: The most annoying part is people who say things like “it’s crazy how good you guys are for how young you are,” and this comes from our fellow musicians. Now that people know who we are, people respect us. Jeff’s Plasma Blast definitely gave us a lot of credit.

ED: Last Question: If Skelevision had a catchphrase what would it be?

Skelevision: “We got the rhythm, we got the most fun”

Connect with Skelevision on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Listen to Skelevision on bandcamp at https://skelevision.bandcamp.com/ 

RSVP to Jeff’s Plasma Blast 2.0 here

Check out Philip’s horror movies under Bad Taste Pictures here.

This interview was conducted for the PDX Summer 2017 issue of the Call Your Mom zine presented by Electric Daze. Check back here to read the other interviews and view photos of Portland bands. 

View Tasha’s work for the magazine here.

[theartoflosingcarkeys]

The Art of Losing Car Keys

September 2

It is early Spring of 2000, the sun is just coming up, the trees are arched like a canopy, and the earthly leaves are thinly separated. The infant light is illuminating rays of the sun through a large window, scattering, willowing the light against posters in my bedroom.  The poster hanging above my bed is Nirvana, it is yellowish with burnt rose images and on the other wall is scattered words in pink and purple obscurities from Pearl Jam lyrics and Counting Crows that I have injected, overlapping the off-white house paint.  I wrote a few words that morning in a loose-leaf notebook that read on the cover in fire engine red ink in my handwriting: “Rage Against the Dying of The Light.”  I write that morning, as I have done every morning since the day, I could write my first word.  On that day I would have told you I was never going to stop writing.   

I do not wake up to a shrilling alarm clock resembling a baby nor to a tyrannical dictator in a smog riddled concentration camp working us from flesh to sunken emaciation, vanishing to the bone.  I awake to Jackson, and he is utterly alert, and his eyes are large, and inviting. I carry him into the kitchen and just as I think I am rested for the first time in weeks, I step in a red acrylic painting that I must have knocked over, with a trail of size 10 shoe that resembles Fred Flintstone, I make noticeable indentions into the carpet and it looks like a murder scene from a horror film.

 I do an inventory of the bathroom as I clean off the red paint from my skin (Jackson now an extension of my right arm) 1-pink toothbrush, 3 residents. 1 of those residents has not a tooth in his head and the other two are in their 30’s.  In my full and complete awareness, it occurs to me we are sharing a toothbrush.   Then for an uncomfortable amount of time I try to recall Kayla’s middle name but Jackson is fully alert and I am rested and I am unsure if the pink toothbrush is the tool I used to clean mud off my running shoes two mornings ago.  Jackson in all his alertness has kept this vow of secrecy.  Jackson and I listen to The Beatles before I head off to the gym. 

At the gym I am reported from a Mario Kart looking contraption that my blubber has dropped to 5% body fat, and it also reads my fortune but the words are in ‘Mandarin’ so I assume and make assumptions in my favor.  I lift intensely as if somewhere in me must make up for the misspent time I wrangled in addiction.  I watch a young father carrying his daughter to the daycare, his arms wrapped firmly in great protection and his eyes focused in a way almost animalistic towards some great survival timeline; he kisses her softly and kindly, and I watch his focused eyes hold open without resistance and in that look, in that moment, is everything beautiful about the human condition.  In that moment he watches his daughter's entire life unfold, he watches her scrape her knee, eat a snack in 1st grade and he watches her fiddle awkwardly in a dress on prom night, and he watches her get married and he watches her being his child. 

2 Hours later, I arrived to pick up my boys for River’s teacher conference. Phoenix has accelerated attempts to annoy me and he succeeds.  He speaks babble intentionally, and then he prays for more attention by pulling on my shirt, and then dancing like a lunatic.  Then he calms down and I take a breath and he unravel his energy with diplomatic immunity.  Attention seeking at its most prolific.    They are in full tilt of being spastic little boys, fighting and telling on one another’s trespasses.  River tells me Phoenix said a cuss word (but he said it in riddles, and in babble language, perhaps in ‘Mandarin’) and Phoenix tells me that River punched him when I was not looking.  River tells me that Phoenix has been hiding his shoes, but Phoenix tells me that he is hiding his own shoes, and by the time we need to leave I cannot find the left shoe. Phoenix has hidden my car keys and neither listen as they drive me up the wall.  Phoenix dances and jumps around, and he will not put on his shoes.  River laughs and does not listen, and he talks smartly to me.  They most likely have planned this; they can feel me unraveling.  They are like an Abbott and Costello act and the more I unravel, the more the banter is intense.  I scream like the soup Nazi in Seinfeld, “No Milk Shake for you!!!”  They laugh and begin pestering one another, I enjoy the reprieve but like a surprise-twist ending to an M. Night Shyamalan movie you know there will be much more nonsense.

River sits in the barber seat for a haircut and I recognize that he is almost seven years old. This is my first time to know where his school resides, I will meet his teachers, and I will no longer be absent but in a new position of co-parenting with Brittany.  When the stylist asked me which haircut he preferred, I told her a little boy and River called me ‘lame’ and told her he wanted the sides blended with a 3-inch blade. Phoenix hears the song ‘Thunder’ by Imagine Dragons and is dancing around the hair salon. 

Phoenix lives his life the way most people wish they could live.  He lives in a different world than the rest of us.  He lives in howls, and he lives in wild abandonment.  Where he lives there is no fear, there is only dancing and attention seeking and movement.  I think sometimes when I look at him, he may be the last of the wild things remaining on this earth. 

We go to River’s school and meet Mrs. Guthrie. Phoenix runs up and down the hallway howling like a mad man, like some character out of a Hunter S. Thompson novel.  There are rules because of Covid-19; bringing your own water bottle and not sharing snacks.  I picture Phoenix eating off other kids’ plastic plates and they quarantine him like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly.

At lunch River is wearing a mask because of the signs reading ‘DISTANCE’ and he wonders about this half open and half-closed world.  He wants to know honestly if people are miserable because of the Covid-19 or did Covid-19 give them another reason to be miserable?  He wants to know why people want to be closed off, yet want to be openly seen?  He looks at me and lifts his mask, and says do you think that when people realize that they may not die because of this, they will try to live, or is it easier for them to just see it all miserable?  I tell him no matter how people act, we are going to live our lives, and he asks me the same question I asked my mother at his age, is it scary to die?  And I tell him what I believe and I say no buddy, we create ideas and notions and abstractions but underneath all of it, is a bunch of terrified people afraid of something they shouldn’t be afraid of.  When you were born, you were not afraid.  We complicate things River.  Phoenix spills his milkshake in my lap, and I cuss behind my mask. River ends our lunch by saying I do not want to live scared or hiding behind cloth. 

 The sun is just going down and I look at my handwritten notes from this day, and as I reflect upon it I pause for a moment, and in that moment I am in the spring of 2000, and I know I stop writing for 14 years.  I watch every single day I lived in my addiction.  My entire life I can see in this pause, and in stillness, I can see all the hard days, and sad days but I also can see the beautiful moments.  The moments where focused eyes watch over our children with love and kindness and worry and fear.  I watch my son's wonder about this half open, half closed world, and I know that one day I will be gone and the only things remaining about my time on this earth will be my words I have written and placed in the desk drawer of time within their memoires.  Everything I am doing is so they never stop living even in a world that is so utterly closed off.

[networkingdefinition]

Hawaii Quotes

Official Website: Hawaii Quotes

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• A dreaming vortex is a place where it’s easy to change. You come to a dreaming vortex like Hawaii to step from one dream into another, from one world into another, to change, in other words. – Frederick Lenz • A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights. – Rodney Dangerfield • According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in. – Craig Ferguson • America has always been the richest and most secure, and sometimes the most dangerous country in the world. In the early years, the danger was to everybody near us, slaves, Native Americans, Mexicans. It finally expanded in 1898 to the Caribbean, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Hawaii, and the Philippines. – Noam Chomsky • Apparently President Obama’s favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, ‘On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.’ – Jimmy Fallon • Are we as willing to go into debt for the work of God as we are for a vacation to Hawaii? – Erwin W. Lutzer • Are we going to New Orleans?” “No”, she said, backing out of the spot. “We’re going to West Virginia.” “I assume by ‘West Virginia,’ you actually mean ‘Hawaii,'” I said. “Or some place equally exciting. – Richelle Mead • As a new day begins in New York, the sun sets in Hawaii. – Tim McCarver • As a territory, American Samoa has no representation in the U.S. Senate, and we Samoans lost a respected and powerful ally with the passing of Hawaii Sen. Daniel Inouye. – Troy Polamalu • Barack H. Obama is a landmark presidential figure as the first black, multiracial, multicultural president from Hawaii and the Pacific. – Dinesh Sharma

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Hawaii', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_hawaii').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_hawaii img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Barack Obama isn’t pointing to anyone, and certainly doesn’t like it when others note (correctly) that his influences were the likes of Saul Alinsky, the Chicagoan and modern founder of community organizing, or Frank Marshall Davis, the communist journalist and agitator from Chicago who mentored Obama in Hawaii in the latter 1970s, and who Obama warmly acknowledges in his memoirs. – Paul Kengor • Beating the drums for Hawaii is not hard to do… the place just grows on you. – James MacArthur • Before I became a fighter pilot, everyone said that women didn’t have the physical strength. Well, I had just completed the Hawaii Ironman Triathlon. – Martha McSally • Being in Hawaii, it’s almost impossible not to be fit, I think. – Henry Ian Cusick • Come with me while the moon is on the sea The night is young and so are we Dreams come true in Blue Hawaii And mine could all come true This magic night of nights with you – Leo Robin • Donald Trump has made it clear that certainly over the last few years that President [Barack] Obama was born in Hawaii. – John Lewis • Ever since I was young I understood the whole meaning of life isn’t how much money you accumulate, how much fame you experience, it’s how many lives you touch, how many faces you bring smiles to. I see myself back in Hawaii doing something in the community to improve the lives of young children. Everything I’ve done is to prepare myself to give back. – Manti Te’o • Every city I go to is an opportunity to paint, whether it’s Omaha or Hawaii. – Tony Bennett • Every time I flicked channels, there I was, talking. I was talking too much and writing too little. So Naomi and I went to Hawaii. The phone was cut off and we lost touch. This gave me the chance to have a good think about my life. – Joe Eszterhas • For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read “American Caesar” by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading “Tales of the South Pacific” by James Michener and then because of that reading his “Hawaii.” That is what happens. – Dave Barry • For many years I had allowed my second husband to take credit for my paintings. But one day, unable to continue the deception any longer, I left him and my home in California and moved to Hawaii. – Margaret Keane • For me, the magic of Hawaii comes from the stillness, the sea, the stars. – Joanne Harris • For some reason my father saw no problem with us pplaying “barbie and ken go to hawaii to save their marriage by picking up another couple for sexy good times,” but if barbie and ken had gone to hawaii to “rescue another couple from a crazed kidnapper,” that would have been wrong. – Michele Jaffe • Good schools, good jobs, good government. These are not unreasonable demands. But sadly, some of our people have already lost heart and have left Hawaii to look for these things elsewhere. – Linda Lingle • Grew up in Hawaii that gave [Barack Obama] a kind of optimism, an ability to see things, you know, and frankly, an ability to trust, you know, in his fellow, you know, white countrymen in a way that I, for instance, you know, and the vast majority of black people I know never really could. – Ta-Nehisi Coates • Growing up, the ukulele was always a respected instrument. It’s a big part of our culture. It wasn’t until I started traveling outside of Hawaii that I realized people didn’t really consider the ukulele to be a real instrument. – Jake Shimabukuro • Have you guys ever ghost hunted in Hawaii? No? Well, I have this fat friend… I shouldn’t say fat, that might offend him, but he’s Samoan and claims to have seen ghosts. – CM Punk • Hawaii ain’t a bad place to work. – T.I. • Hawaii can be heaven and it can be hell. – Jeff Goldblum • Hawaii doesn’t win many games in the United States. – Lee Corso • Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here. – Dan Quayle • Hawaii is a beautiful place to bring up a family. – Henry Ian Cusick • Hawaii is a small, close community. – Jake Shimabukuro • Hawaii is a special place because we have a very diverse population there, who are very respectful and tolerant of those who have differing opinions and different views. – Tulsi Gabbard • Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a-it is different than the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it’s got a particularly unique situation. – Dan Quayle • Hawaii is absolutely beautiful. – Rachelle Lefevre • Hawaii is not a state of mind, but a state of grace. – Paul Theroux • Hawaii is paradise. It sounds cheesy to say it, but there’s music in the air there. – Bruno Mars • Hawaii is the best form of comfort for me. When I die, I want to be cremated, and I want half my ashes spread in the Pacific around the island, the rest on the property. – Richard Pryor • Hawaii is the birthplace of surfing, and many Hawaiians or part-Hawaiians surf, but in the rest of the United States it’s a pretty white sport. – William Finnegan • Hawaii made the mouth of her soul water. – Tom Robbins • Hawaii was beautiful of course, we played at Turtle Bay an amazing resort right on the ocean. – Natalie Gulbis • Hawaiis own Patsy Mink served as the first congresswoman of color and first Asian American woman in the House; she later sought the Democratic Party presidential nomination. – Colleen Hanabusa • Hawaii’s the 50th state? I thought it was a suburb of Guam. – Bobby Heenan • Here’s my gut belief: Obama got a leg up by being admitted to both Occidental and Columbia as a foreign exchange student. He was raised as a young boy in Indonesia. But did his mother ever change him back to a U.S. citizen? When he returned to live with his grandparents in Hawaii or as he neared college-age preparing to apply to schools, did he ever change his citizenship back? I’m betting not. – Wayne Allyn Root • Hula is the art of Hawaiian dance, which expresses all we see, smell, taste, touch, feel, and experience. It is joy, sorrow, courage, and fear. – Robert Cazimero • I am privileged to be able to work for the people of Hawaii in whatever capacity. – Tulsi Gabbard • I bought almost every single thing that I furnished my house with at the Salvation Army in Hawaii. All second hand. Some of them are kind of retro, and some of them you’d never know. – Evangeline Lilly • I can’t even speak Hawaiian, but if you go there and listen to a Hawaiian song, you get captured because it’s so beautiful, like the melody is just gorgeous and you know Bob Marley is on the radio every single day. It’s very reggae-influenced down there. Basically, you haven’t been to paradise if you haven’t been to Hawaii. – Bruno Mars • I decided that we’d have to take our chances with the law and get the hell out of Baltimore. I thought of seeking asylum in Canada or Australia or England, but I didn’t want to leave the United States, because for better or worse I’m an American, and this is my land; so I decided to fight it out on home ground, and finally we hit upon Hawaii, because of the liberal atmosphere created by its racial admixture, and because of its relatively large population of Buddhists, who are largely nontheistic. – Madalyn Murray O’Hair • I dive all over the world: Fiji, Australia, the Caribbean, Hawaii, and many other places. – Frederick Lenz • I don’t care about the money. I’m just interested in the perks. I’ll do a series if I am picked up by a limo, work only until 4, and the show is shot in Hawaii. – Harry Morgan • I don’t care where [Ted] Cruz comes from. I don’t care where the President comes from. Day one, I opened an investigation on a fraudulent government Hawaii document, period, on a birth certificate, so if you can say Cruz has fake documents, okay. – Joe Arpaio • I don’t have any simple things. I only have things like a gold-studded leather jacket. Then I’m going to Hawaii and I’m asking myself “Do I pack it? It could be cold.” I’m inventing scenarios where I could wear it. – Shaun White • I don’t like to spend money when I’m traveling. I like to go places like Hawaii and not spend money. I splurge on time. – Jonny Weston • I don’t look down on tourism. I live in Hawaii where we have 7 million visitors a year. If they weren’t there, there would be no economy. So I understand why a tourist economy is necessary. – Paul Theroux • I ended up in the Army Air Corps in the Pacific, operating out of Ayuka field in Hawaii. – Louis Zamperini • I got into this little habit of architecture and building. I designed a house in Colorado and one in Hawaii. The idea is supposed to be build and sell – but then I can never bring myself to sell them. – Trey Parker • I grew up in a musical family; the majority of my growing up was done in Hawaii. It’s what we do. You sing, you dance, you play ukulele and you drink. – Dwayne Johnson • I grew up in Hawaii and I think those islands are some of the most amazing places on the planet. – Mateus Ward • I grew up in Hawaii so I was outside a lot playing in the water. – Kelly Preston • I had actually been going to Hawaii for quite a while before I ever picked up the uke. I think with anything new you’re going to get more enjoyment out of it if it comes to you quickly, and the uke facilitates that. – Eddie Vedder • I had done ‘Die Hard’ and it was somebody’s franchise. I actually just got done with the ‘Hawaii Five-O’ pilot and I was developing some things of my own. So ‘Total Recall’ one of those projects that I read wanting more not to like it. – Len Wiseman • I had never been to Hawaii, and now I say that my body is from L.A. but my heart is from Hawaii, because I’m in love with it and it’s home on every level, from a spiritual, soulful place. – Shailene Woodley • I hate painting with a broad brush, but I think the birther thing, at its root, is racist. The guy was born in Hawaii. A black guy is president. It’s cool. Get over it. Just deal with it. There’s nothing you could show these birther people that would shut them up. – Henry Rollins • I have never been afraid to tackle tough or controversial issues, but I have always done it with the intent to do what I was elected to do, and that is represent the interests of my constituents, the working people of Hawaii. I feel that we are facing some of the most difficult issues in recent history with regard to food security, a widening income gap, and the rapidly increasing rise of the cost of living in our State. I know that the office of Lieutenant Governor can do more to address these issues. – Clayton Hee • I have to say, though, that somebody pointed out to me on YouTube that Conan O’Brien was being interviewed, and he was talking about how, oddly enough, he went to see that movie [South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut ] in Hawaii with his girlfriend or wife or whoever, and he didn’t even realize his character was in it. But there he was, and he said, “This voice comes out of me, and I’m thinking, ‘That’s not me! Who is that? That doesn’t even sound like me!’ – Brent Spiner • I just got back from Hawaii on Saturday, and it’s so depressing how quickly all the stresses and the stressful energy of L.A. comes bombarding back. Everyone’s in a rush, you’re annoying everyone, get out of their way, everyone’s most important than you are, has got somewhere more important to be – very draining town. But I still love it in many ways. I wouldn’t leave California. I think it’s a fantastic state, if you can’t be in Hawaii all the time. – Natalie Maines • I know I can serve Hawaii and our country well in the U.S. Senate, know we can mount a solid statewide campaign, know we have a good chance of prevailing. – Ed Case • I know that some of those plans [of the North Korea] could very well lead to a missile that might reach Hawaii, if not the West Coast. We do have to try to get the countries in the region to work with us to do everything we can to confine, and constrain them. – Hillary Clinton • I love Hawaii. I really enjoy surfing in Oahu, and Waianae is such a great area. And Maui – I like Maui a lot, too. – Troy Polamalu • I mean, Hawaii is beautiful, but the world is full of beautiful places. – Robert Kiyosaki • I remember watching Swan Lake and everybody looking exactly the same, but being able to relate because they were the only company I had ever seen even on video that had Asian dancers. The Asian community in Hawaii is actually almost as dominant as the Caucasian community. I thought “I can relate to that company because they look like people that I see every day.” They weren’t all little stick-thin Russian ballerinas. – Joan Chen • I see life everywhere I look. I get the energy off the water. Hawaii really, when I am there, it feels like how we are supposed to live and how it’s supposed to be: slower, just appreciating our surroundings. I love the people there and the aloha, the history. They’re really rooted in something. – Natalie Maines • I shined off high school band, marching, jazz studies. At the time I was too cool for school, I had this professional gig and I was going home taking a shower and heading to downtown Hawaii, Waikiki. – Eric Hernandez • I still consider myself a little, fat kid from Hawaii. – Robert Kiyosaki • I take golf trips with my brother or with friends. We usually go to Pebble or Bandon Dunes. One year we went to Hawaii. – Greg Maddux • I think I learned years ago when I went to Hawaii that you don’t bring puka shells back. You’ve got to be careful of your vacation purchases. – Joshua Homme • I think I was a mermaid and I used to swim the shores or Hawaii and used to pop up and see coconuts and pineapples everywhere. – Ella Henderson • I think somebody like Wes [Anderson] has a very good sense of style and is original. I think my sense of style got a little bit better after I was exposed to you guys at Valentino. Because I’m just in Hawaii and Malibu; it’s just kind of T-shirts and surfing-type stuff. – Owen Wilson • I think that being isolated from the Hollywood world of premieres and red carpet events was probably good for me because I could ease into those at will and by my own choice. But in other aspects, when it comes to fanfare, Hawaii is nuts and in L.A. they’re all so jaded. They don’t care. – Evangeline Lilly • I think there’s a really great amount of potential for Hawaii to become an example of what’s possible with renewable energy because there are so many renewable resources here: energy, solar energy, and wind energy. There’s so much potential here. – Jack Johnson • I thought my book was done, then we went to Hawaii and the whole last chapter happened. – Mariel Hemingway • I truly believe the brightest days lie ahead for the Great State of Hawaii. – Linda Lingle • I volunteered to deploy to Iraq. I was one of the few soldiers who were not on the mandatory deployment roster – close to 3,000 Hawaii soldiers were. – Tulsi Gabbard • I want people to think of Hawaii and think of palm trees and magical islands and Bruno Mars. – Bruno Mars • I want to stay in Hawaii a little while. I’m kind of liking it over there. – Josh Holloway • I wanted to go back on ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ I did it. One of my favorite shows is ‘Hawaii Five-0.’ I went on, guest starred. I wanted to be in a film, did ‘Tasmanian Devils’ in Vancouver. Wanted to host a show, boom, did it. – Apolo Ohno • I was born and raised in Honolulu, Hawaii – Steve Case • I was born in Hawaii, but I was raised in Iowa. – Jason Momoa • I was in Jersey when the whole World Trade Center thing happened and I felt powerless. So, I went to Hawaii and did a surf movie. It’s kind of fluffy. – Michelle Rodriguez • I was introduced to skateboarding through my father. He was a surfer back in the 50’s & 60’s in Hawaii, where my parents grew up. They later moved to California and I was born. Skateboarding was the thing for surfers here in California in the 60’s and my Dad immediately made me a homemade board. – Christian Hosoi • I was just asking Chad [Myers], how can you get a volcano in Iceland? Isn’t it too- when you think of a volcano, you think of Hawaii and long words like that. You don’t think of Iceland.You think it’s too cold to have a volcano there. – Rick Sanchez • I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The ‘Big Island’ – that name cracks me up. First of all, it’s not that big, so I’m pretty sure a guy came up with that name. – Carol Leifer • I was raised all over. Kansas, Hawaii, Georgia, Texas and Kentucky, by the time I was 11. – Jeri Ryan • I would love to rent a little cottage or cabin in Colorado and learn to ski or snowboard. And on the warmer side, I also want to rent a house in Hawaii and learn to surf! – Karlie Kloss • I wrote ‘Big Yellow Taxi’ on my first trip to Hawaii. I took a taxi to the hotel and when I woke up the next morning, I threw back the curtains and saw these beautiful green mountains in the distance. Then, I looked down and there was a parking lot as far as the eye could see, and it broke my heart this blight on paradise. That’s when I sat down and wrote the song. – Joni Mitchell • I`ve always thought of him [Barack Obama] and from conversations know him to be a guy who takes the long view, who doesn`t get too high, doesn`t get too low and seizes the opportunities when they`re there and knows how to ride the wave. I ascribe that to Hawaii. He`s a body surfer, so he knows how to get on the wave. He knows just the right time. – Howard Fineman • I’d left Hawaii twice in my life, so I’d been on an island my whole life. I had no clue. I didn’t know how to live in a city. – Maggie Q • I’d love to be [one of MacGyver’s buddies]. I’d watch that one and just think, wow, what a life. Living in Hawaii, driving around in someone’s Ferrari, and solving mysteries. – Rhys Darby • I’d love to go somewhere warm, somewhere near the beach and somewhere with a cool culture. It could be Hawaii, Cuba, South America – anywhere that has a cool culture and a beautiful climate. – Steve Nash • If a nation’s security is only as strong as its weakest link, then America may be in serious trouble. Hawaii may be our weakest link and could have a serious impact on our nation’s immigration policy. – Joe Arpaio • If there’s a Disney animated feature based in Hawaii, I knew I had to be part of it. I’m very proud to be from Hawaii. There was no question the role was mine. – Tia Carrere • If we quit Vietnam, tomorrow we’ll be fighting in Hawaii, and next week we’ll have to fight in San Francisco. – Lyndon B. Johnson • If you don’t have at least a working knowledge of the Hawaiian language… you can’t chant well. You cannot… receive the images of poetry paints for you. It’s like having peas and no pod. – Keali’i Reichel • If you want to surf, move to Hawaii. If you like to shop, move to New York. If you like acting and Hollywood, move to California. But if you like college football, move to Texas. – Ricky Williams • I’m a surfer at heart. Both my parents moved to Hawaii in the 1970s, where they met and became Christians. Then they taught me and my two brothers how to love the Lord – and how to surf! – Bethany Hamilton • I’m not sure it’s possible to stay in Hawaii. It’s kind of impractical. – Terry O’Quinn • I’m of Filipino, Spanish, and Chinese descent, and was raised on Hawaii. – Tia Carrere • I’m quadracontinental. I’ve got a life in London, New York, L.A. and Hawaii. – Rebecca Mader • I’m still a little girl in Hawaii, I have the same friends I had when I was a kid who love me for who I am – not what I do. I never got caught up in the club scene or took wrong roads. – Kiana Tom • Imagine, if you will, you’re sitting at my desk in Hawaii. You have access to the entire world, as far as you can see it. Last several days, content of internet communications. Every email that’s sent. Every website that’s visited by every individual. Every text message that somebody sends on their phone. Every phone call they make. – Edward Snowden • In Hawaii they say, “aloha.” That’s a nice one, It means both “hello” and “good-bye” Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don’t know whether you’re coming or going. – George Carlin • In Hawaii, if you’re invited to dinner, it’s assumed that the children are invited as well. On the islands, no one treats children like they’re not part of the conversation. People talk to children as people and include them in adventures and conversations. – Gabrielle Reece • In Hawaii, some of the biggest radio stations are reggae. The local bands are heavily influenced by Bob Marley. – Bruno Mars • In Hawaii, the environment is fabulous. In Malibu, the people are fabulous. Our family unity is tight, and we have the Pacific Ocean outside our door in both places, so there is consistency. – Laird Hamilton • In Hawaii, there are 50-year-old grandfathers, because they got married so early. – Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa • In Hawaii, they’re happy to hear that you’re filming a show. They love it that people actually come and make use of their beautiful landscapes. – Rachelle Lefevre • In Hawaii, we go to this wonderful place, all families. My wife and I go directly from breakfast to a beach chair where we read all day. My daughter goes from water to pool to running around with friends she meets, some of whom are regulars there. – Stephen Collins • In Hawaii, we greet friends, loved ones or strangers with Aloha, which means love. Aloha is the key word to the universal spirit of real hospitality, which makes Hawaii renowned as the world’s center of understanding and fellowship. Try meeting or leaving people with Aloha. You’ll be surprised by their reaction. I believe it and it is my creed. Aloha to you. – Duke Kahanamoku • In Hawaii, we have something called Ho’oponopono, where people come together to resolve crises and restore peace and balance. – Duane Chapman • In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago. – Mark Twain • In the case of Five-O, I believe it was a combination of many ingredients – timing, chemistry, Hawaii. – James MacArthur • Indian-styled garments are very popular in the U.S., especially in areas near the beach, like Hawaii and Los Angeles. – Maggie Grace • Insiders say Obama’s pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been ‘acting’ like he was born in Hawaii for a long time. – Craig Ferguson • It doesn’t matter if the Republican or the Democratic candidate wins the governorship [of Hawaii]. Either one is already in the kingdom. – Ed Silvoso • It doesn’t matter to me where Barack Obama goes. If he wants to go to Hawaii because it’s his home state, fine! Hunky-dory. Plastic banana, good-time rock ‘n’ roller dittos. – Rush Limbaugh • It is really so nice here-country-busy-busy with so many different kinds of things-… I must say I feel far away in another world here-… always we go to a new place…the people have a kind of gentleness that isn’t usual on the mainland. – Georgia O’Keeffe • It’s easier to be healthy in Hawaii than it is, almost anywhere else I’ve lived. You spend a lot of time outside, in the ocean and on the beach. – Terry O’Quinn • It’s good to visit Hawaii if you’re seeking power. You don’t really need to live here. Just to come over for a week is enough. Switzerland is another spot like this. It’s very similar. These are the two clearest spots, Switzerland and Hawaii. – Frederick Lenz • I’ve always been under the impression that it would be such a bummer to be in a peaceful place like Hawaii or the tropics and be stressed about catching waves. – Shaun White • I’ve been surfing for a couple years, in the offseason in California and in Hawaii. I’m not very good, but it’s just something that to be out there in the water, no cell phone, no music… very few sports are as pure as that. – Troy Polamalu • I’ve enjoyed the accommodations offered by police departments from Florida to Hawaii. Any time I saw a badge, something in me would snap. – Grace Slick • Jason Lee is the most famous actor from Hawaii I can think of. – Tia Carrere • Life is very nice in Hawaii. I rent a place that has its own cottage so when my friends and family come to visit, they have somewhere nice to stay. – Jorge Garcia • Make good the good in you…and you will slowly steal into the Hawaiian heart, which is all of softness, and gentleness, and sweetness. – Jack London • Many believe that Hillary Clinton was channeling President Obama during her recent speech in New York City. She focused on equality, justice, and how hard it was for her growing up as a young black man in Hawaii. – Jimmy Fallon • Many exhibits from this aquarium use Hawaii’s abundant natural daylight. This allows Waikiki to display only live coral, which creates beautiful exhibits. It’s also a world leader in the propagation of live coral. The aquarium features some unusual and rarely seen species, including the chambered nautilus and the endangered Hawaiian monk seal. – John Grant • Most of my ukulele heroes were traditional players from Hawaii, like Eddie Kamae and Ohta-san. There may not be uke stars in popular culture, but there are certainly pop stars that play uke – George Harrison, Eddie Vedder, Taylor Swift, Train, and Paul McCartney. – Jake Shimabukuro • Most of the time, I’m working in places I’m not familiar with. Sometimes it’s Slovakia, and sometimes it’s Hawaii. Not to bash on Slovakia, but I really did enjoy Hawaii. – George Clooney • Most people are walking around the city like corpses; they aren’t alive enough to notice the trash. They come from other places and they see it as a big garbage dump. Do you want to live and work in a garbage dump? I don’t. That’s partly because I grew up in the most pristine environment possible – Hawaii, where it is sacrilege to leave your garbage on the ground. – Bette Midler • My boyfriend, who I love to death – he’s only 17 so he’s the youngest guy I’ve ever dated – he just moved here from Hawaii to be with me and I met him when I was 10. Anyway, in Hawaii they have such a different mentality and different priorities. – Nikki Reed • My father is Chinese, Spanish, and Filipino; my mother is half-Irish and half-Japanese; Greek last name; born in Hawaii, raised in Germany. – Mark Dacascos • My father moved to Hawaii from Brooklyn and my mother came there as a child from the Philippines. They met at a show where my dad was playing percussion. My mom was a hula dancer. – Bruno Mars • My husband is from Hawaii and his father who was also born in Hawaii was a teenager when Pearl Harbor happened, right before church and he ran up and got on the roof of his grandfather’s house and watched the planes go over. – Sigourney Weaver • My kids have never known me not working on The Bachelor. But they’ve lived in Paris and Italy and been to Hawaii and Bora-Bora with me, and it’s incredible to me that they’ve had these experiences. – Chris Harrison • Not very many companies go through Hawaii on their way to anywhere. San Francisco Ballet was the only company I remember, and Bolshoi, coming through Hawaii when I was younger. – Joan Chen • Nothing is more often misdiagnosed than our homesickness for Heaven. We think that what we want is sex, drugs, alcohol, a new job, a raise, a doctorate, a spouse, a large-screen television, a new car, a cabin in the woods, a condo in Hawaii. What we really want is the person we were made for, Jesus, and the place we were made for, Heaven. Nothing less can satisfy us. – Randy Alcorn • One volcano in Hawaii, one volcano in Indonesia, produces enough gases in the atmosphere, which include those natural elements that are in the Earth’s crust, that, uh, kind of make all the, you know, the science that we have about what we produce, moot. – Jim Gibbons • Over the years, I’ve traveled to many places for inspiration and research, including Pennsylvania, Ohio, South Carolina, California, and Hawaii. – Jennifer Chiaverini • President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they’re gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope. – David Letterman • President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii’s governor said, ‘Great, who’s going to want to come to Hawaii now?’ – Conan O’Brien • Running gives me a clearer perspective on the world, and it makes me feel special. I’ve never been a traditional tourist. I’ve always seen the world by running, and that has allowed me to view things in a different way. Places look different in the early-morning hours, when the streets are deserted. – Grete Waitz • Should hostilities once break out between Japan and the United States, it is not enough that we take Guam and the Philippines, nor even Hawaii and San Francisco. To make victory certain, we would have to march into Washington and dictate the terms of peace in the White House. I wonder if our politicians, among whom armchair arguments about war are being glibly bandied about in the name of state politics, have confidence as to the final outcome and are prepared to make the necessary sacrifices. – Isoroku Yamamoto • Since my mom is the President of Ballet Hawaii, I’m always in touch with stuff going on. – Joan Chen • Six years ago, I completed the premier episode of Hawaii Five-O, and Jack Lord and I immediately realized that we had a good series, that this was a success such as we’d never hoped for! – James MacArthur • So it was a really pleasant surprise when [Independence Day] turned out to be a successful film. I don’t know if you’ve heard that they’re going to be re-releasing it next Fourth of July in 3-D. I’ve actually only seen it once, and it was in Hawaii, in a little theater in Oahu shortly after it was released. But Roland Emmerich is a really smart guy, and he makes really fun movies to watch. – Brent Spiner • Some people say Hawaii is spoiled, but I don’t think so. It’s modern. It’s a part of today’s world. – James MacArthur • Somehow, the love of the islands, like the love of a woman, just happens. One cannot determine in advance to love a particular woman, nor can one so determine to love Hawaii. – Jack London • That isn’t to say that Hawaii’s better. On the mainland, everyone seems to be trying to get somewhere. Kids are taught to shoot for the moon, to believe in their ability to do anything, to follow their passions. In Hawaii, you’re stuck in the middle of the Pacific, and it can be difficult to see how you’re going to follow your passion from there. – Gabrielle Reece • That’s a traditional Samoan dance. I was lucky that I was able to fly my cousins, who are professional dancers, up from Hawaii and they were able to be in the movie with me. We had a great time. – Dwayne Johnson • The Aloha spirit is something that is very special and very meaningful to us and our Polynesian culture. Those of you who have had the opportunity to visit Hawaii, or any of the Polynesian islands, know that it’s a very special thing. It’s an intangible, and when you get off the plane and have your feet on the ground there, it energetically takes you to a different place. – Dwayne Johnson • The band would play on the night off for the local hotel bands and we’d back all the different acts. So I’d been advised by good friends of mine to come back to Hawaii. Oh, I loved Honolulu, playing at a place right on the beach at Waikiki! – Martin Denny • The beauty of Hawaii probably surpasses other places. I like the Big Island and the two mountains, Mauna Loa and Mauna Kea, where you can look out at the stars. – Buzz Aldrin • The best thing about wearing black is that you can hide pretty easily, unless you’re in like Hawaii, then you can’t hide. – Gerard Way • The cause of Hawaii and independence is larger and dearer than the life of any man connected with it. Love of country is deep-seated in the breast of every Hawaiian, whatever his station. – Liliʻuokalani • The day before I left to fly in New York, I went in the ocean and was just lying on my black looking up at the sky, which was that Hawaii blue. Just that moment was worth the entire thing. The ocean is everything. It can heal you. – Gavin Rossdale • The five principles of aloha, when practiced together, awaken our awareness of our human potential and the sacredness of our life. – Paul Pearsall • The mindless rejoicing at home is really appalling; it makes me fear that the first blow against Tokyo will make them wilt at once…I only wish that [the Americans] had also had, say, three carriers at Hawaii. – Isoroku Yamamoto • The number one issue that Ocean Mysteries has opened my eyes to is, no matter where you are, whether you’re on a beach in Hawaii, you’re diving in the Pacific, you’re in a remote archipelago, or you’re in the middle of nowhere – I am blown away and sobered and crushed, emotionally crushed, by the amount of marine debris, of garbage, that is now in our ocean. – Jeff Corwin • The one we keep pitching and there are no takers is The Fabulous Baker Boys Go to Hawaii. There don’t seem to be any takers on that one! – Beau Bridges • The paintings are transferred from my computer to a disk, and I can hand it to the printer this way; or I can modem the painting to the printer over the phone lines from my house in Hawaii. – Buffy Sainte-Marie • The person who betrayed you is sunning themselves on a beach in Hawaii and you’re knotted up in hatred. Who is suffering? – Jack Kornfield • The sentiments in Hawaii about Washington’s failure of leadership are no different than the rest of the country. – Ed Case • The smell of the sea, of kelp and fish and bitter moving water, rose stronger in my nostrils. It flooded my consciousness like an ancestral memory. The swells rose sluggishly and fell away, casting up dismal gleams between the boards of the pier. And the whole pier rose and fell in stiff and creaking mimicry, dancing its long slow dance of dissolution. I reached the end and saw no one, heard nothing but my footsteps and the creak of the beams, the slap of waves on the pilings. It was a fifteen-foot drop to the dim water. The nearest land ahead of me was Hawaii.- Ross Macdonald • The spiritual destiny of Hawaii has been shaped by a Calvinist theory of paternalism enacted by the descendants of the missionaries who had carried it there: a will to do good for unfortunates regardless of what the unfortunates thought about it. – Francine du Plessix Gray • The U.S. started with no stars. In fact, it started with a completely different flag. The last two were added in 1959, Hawaii and Alaska. – Juan Enriquez • There are many things I’m looking forward to in 2013, both personally and professionally. Plans for new restaurants in the U.S., including Eataly Chicago, are underway, and I’m gearing up for the 2013 Ironman world championships in Hawaii – if I’m lucky enough to get a spot! – Joe Bastianich • There are several states where you can get married. But I think I can say without fear of contradiction, ‘Paradise awaits.’ We’ll be happy to welcome you. And if you do get married in another state, think about honeymooning in Hawaii. – Neil Abercrombie • There are spirits in Hawaii. They’re very protective and very good and they watch over these islands. I must confess, they’re not entirely happy with what they see, with the way the civilization is moving. But they’re patient. They’ve been here for a long time, and they’ll be here long after the human beings have ceased to inhabit the islands. – Frederick Lenz • There is one bright side to this, said Fang. “Yeah? What’s that?” The new and improved Erasers would mutilate us before they killed us? He grinned at me so unexpectedly I gorgot to flap for a second and dropped several feet. “You looove me,” he crooned smugly. Holding his arms out wide, he added, “You love me this much.” My shriek of appalled rage could probably be heard in California, or maybe Hawaii. – James Patterson • There’s nothing – there’s nothing – as action-packed as ‘Hawaii Five-O.’ – Michelle Borth • This sounds cheesy but when I would get in discussions with people about religion or spirituality, a lot of people would say, “I believe God is nature, there’s God in that tree” – and I would think, What the hell are they on about? But it was about four or five years ago in Hawaii where that all made sense to me and I got it all, and I felt God was in the trees and in the grass and the flowers, and I completely understood. – Natalie Maines • Though there is something cruel about being in Hawaii and you have a computer in front of you the whole time. – Justin Theroux • To be honest I don’t watch the show, I don’t watch any TV, so I have no idea what the show is about. I go to Hawaii, shot my scenes and script and ‘Ciao.’ I’m not a ‘Lost’ fanatic and it’s a disappointment for thousands people and friends that are dying to know what will happen. They know more than me. – Sonya Walger • Waterworld was the best time of my life. It was physically demanding, but it was fun. I mean, you’re in Hawaii for nine months shooting on the water every day. – David R. Ellis • We are truly the land of the great. From the rock shores of… Hawaii… to the beautiful sandy beaches of… Hawaii… America is our home. – Sarah Palin • We have great cities to visit: New York and Washington, Paris and London; and further east, and older than any of these, the legendary city of Samarkand, whose crumbling palaces and mosques still welcome travelers on the Silk road. Weary of cities? Then we’ll take to the wilds. To the islands of Hawaii and the mountains of Japan, to forests where Civil War dead still lie, and stretches of sea no mariner ever crossed. They all have their poetry: the glittering cities and the ruined, the watery wastes and the dusty; I want to show you them all. I want to show you everything. – Clive Barker • We have North Shore, Hawaii and Lost all there, so they have softball tournaments between the casts. It’s hilarious. – Josh Holloway • We need Hawaii just as much and a good deal more than we did California. It is manifest destiny. – William McKinley • We packed up all the worldly possessions we could carry with us and took the next flight to Hawaii from Washington. It took just about every cent my family had to our name just to pay the plane fare. When we arrived, we had about $15 left among us. We were really in pitiful shape. But we were together, and we were alive, and this was all that mattered. – Madalyn Murray O’Hair • We shot on location in our very first weeks, in our very first shows. I would like to go on location again, Hawaii would be good!! But normally, we tape five days a week in the studio starting at about 8:00 a.m. and continuing until about 8:00 p.m. – Juliet Mills • We were just floored by the kindness of the people here. The minister of the Unitarian Church in Honolulu invited my family over to his office the day we arrived and told us to make it our headquarters while we looked for a permanent residence. When we couldn’t find a place for about a week, he let us live in the church; that’s ironic, isn’t it? But it points up the vastly different intellectual atmosphere that prevails here in Hawaii. – Madalyn Murray O’Hair • We were on the island of Hawaii. I think I was there three months. It was fantastic. It is not much different than films. It depends on the television show but much of television today is as good or better than most films. – Bo Derek • Well, filming in Hawaii, you know, is a blessing. It’s one of the most beautiful places on this planet. It has a very mystic energy which informs you as an actor. – Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje • Well, President-elect Barack Obama and his family are gonna spend the holidays in his home state of Hawaii. And you know who couldn’t be more thrilled with this? The press, the reporters who follow the president. Well, think about it. After eight years of spending every holiday cutting brush in Crawford, Texas, they get to go to Hawaii! – Jay Leno • We’ve had every official in Hawaii, Democrat and Republican, every news outlet that has investigated this, confirm that, yes, in fact, I was born in Hawaii, Aug. 4, 1961, in Kapiolani Hospital. – Barack Obama • When I get in the sun I get very tanned. You can’t tell me from the native fishermen in Hawaii or Mexico. – Desi Arnaz • When I’m in New York, I bike everywhere. I have a couple of bikes stored over at Ed Norton’s. It’s the only way to go. But in Hawaii, I drive. I have a little Volkswagen Bug, from the ‘Drive it? Hug it?’ phase. I run it on biodiesel. – Woody Harrelson • When Japanese went to Hawaii they would go straight and buy the same thing that they would buy in Japan. They just got it cheaper, which they liked. And so they would still eat the red bean ice cream or the green tea ice cream, but they didn’t really take advantage of the variety and it wasn’t clear that they cared. – Sheena Iyengar • When people are worried about the future, they don’t take trips to Hawaii. – Linda Lingle • When you go to Hawaii, it’s all about “Aloha.” It means hello, goodbye and I love you. – Gabriel Iglesias • Whenever I finish a book, I go off and have some kind of adventure. Having had an adventure in my writing chair or on my writing sofa, an internal adventure, then I need to balance that off with an external adventure, so I’ll go tramping through Africa or whitewater rafting or float to Hawaii in a martini shaker or something. – Tom Robbins • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? – Steven Wright • With my being from Hawaii and being very family oriented I don’t really have a fear of a tragic ending. I dont see any tragic ending for me. – Bruno Mars • With the departure of Congressman Neil Abercrombie (D), who is running for the governorship of Hawaii, and with the tragic and very sad passing of my personal friend Jack Murtha (D-Pa.), mine is now the deciding vote on the health care bill and this administration and this House leadership have said, quote-unquote, they will stop at nothing to pass this health care bill. And now they’ve gotten rid of me and it will pass. You connect the dots. – Eric Massa • You are the lei I entwine with the beauty of your smile. – Robert Cazimero • You know, I think there was a point in time when people didn’t really understand how birth certificates were kept in the state of Hawaii, and now, I think that it’s been pretty much disclosed that they used to have a long form and now they don’t have a long form. Arizona used to have a long form, we now have a short form. – Jan Brewer • You know, or three kinds of ice cream bars and you’d see this and like this… okay they could clearly benefit from some more choices and I remember having these discussions with the Japanese because they you know they often like to go to Hawaii for vacation because it was definitely much cheaper for them and I would ask them, “So when you go to Hawaii, you know do eat all these other things?” – Sheena Iyengar • You think that you can hide; you think you can lay low? I’ll roll up on your ass like Hawaii 5-0! – Busta Rhymes [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

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[equitiesstocks]

Hawaii Quotes

Official Website: Hawaii Quotes

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• A dreaming vortex is a place where it’s easy to change. You come to a dreaming vortex like Hawaii to step from one dream into another, from one world into another, to change, in other words. – Frederick Lenz • A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights. – Rodney Dangerfield • According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in. – Craig Ferguson • America has always been the richest and most secure, and sometimes the most dangerous country in the world. In the early years, the danger was to everybody near us, slaves, Native Americans, Mexicans. It finally expanded in 1898 to the Caribbean, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Hawaii, and the Philippines. – Noam Chomsky • Apparently President Obama’s favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, ‘On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.’ – Jimmy Fallon • Are we as willing to go into debt for the work of God as we are for a vacation to Hawaii? – Erwin W. Lutzer • Are we going to New Orleans?” “No”, she said, backing out of the spot. “We’re going to West Virginia.” “I assume by ‘West Virginia,’ you actually mean ‘Hawaii,'” I said. “Or some place equally exciting. – Richelle Mead • As a new day begins in New York, the sun sets in Hawaii. – Tim McCarver • As a territory, American Samoa has no representation in the U.S. Senate, and we Samoans lost a respected and powerful ally with the passing of Hawaii Sen. Daniel Inouye. – Troy Polamalu • Barack H. Obama is a landmark presidential figure as the first black, multiracial, multicultural president from Hawaii and the Pacific. – Dinesh Sharma

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Hawaii', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_hawaii').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_hawaii img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Barack Obama isn’t pointing to anyone, and certainly doesn’t like it when others note (correctly) that his influences were the likes of Saul Alinsky, the Chicagoan and modern founder of community organizing, or Frank Marshall Davis, the communist journalist and agitator from Chicago who mentored Obama in Hawaii in the latter 1970s, and who Obama warmly acknowledges in his memoirs. – Paul Kengor • Beating the drums for Hawaii is not hard to do… the place just grows on you. – James MacArthur • Before I became a fighter pilot, everyone said that women didn’t have the physical strength. Well, I had just completed the Hawaii Ironman Triathlon. – Martha McSally • Being in Hawaii, it’s almost impossible not to be fit, I think. – Henry Ian Cusick • Come with me while the moon is on the sea The night is young and so are we Dreams come true in Blue Hawaii And mine could all come true This magic night of nights with you – Leo Robin • Donald Trump has made it clear that certainly over the last few years that President [Barack] Obama was born in Hawaii. – John Lewis • Ever since I was young I understood the whole meaning of life isn’t how much money you accumulate, how much fame you experience, it’s how many lives you touch, how many faces you bring smiles to. I see myself back in Hawaii doing something in the community to improve the lives of young children. Everything I’ve done is to prepare myself to give back. – Manti Te’o • Every city I go to is an opportunity to paint, whether it’s Omaha or Hawaii. – Tony Bennett • Every time I flicked channels, there I was, talking. I was talking too much and writing too little. So Naomi and I went to Hawaii. The phone was cut off and we lost touch. This gave me the chance to have a good think about my life. – Joe Eszterhas • For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read “American Caesar” by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading “Tales of the South Pacific” by James Michener and then because of that reading his “Hawaii.” That is what happens. – Dave Barry • For many years I had allowed my second husband to take credit for my paintings. But one day, unable to continue the deception any longer, I left him and my home in California and moved to Hawaii. – Margaret Keane • For me, the magic of Hawaii comes from the stillness, the sea, the stars. – Joanne Harris • For some reason my father saw no problem with us pplaying “barbie and ken go to hawaii to save their marriage by picking up another couple for sexy good times,” but if barbie and ken had gone to hawaii to “rescue another couple from a crazed kidnapper,” that would have been wrong. – Michele Jaffe • Good schools, good jobs, good government. These are not unreasonable demands. But sadly, some of our people have already lost heart and have left Hawaii to look for these things elsewhere. – Linda Lingle • Grew up in Hawaii that gave [Barack Obama] a kind of optimism, an ability to see things, you know, and frankly, an ability to trust, you know, in his fellow, you know, white countrymen in a way that I, for instance, you know, and the vast majority of black people I know never really could. – Ta-Nehisi Coates • Growing up, the ukulele was always a respected instrument. It’s a big part of our culture. It wasn’t until I started traveling outside of Hawaii that I realized people didn’t really consider the ukulele to be a real instrument. – Jake Shimabukuro • Have you guys ever ghost hunted in Hawaii? No? Well, I have this fat friend… I shouldn’t say fat, that might offend him, but he’s Samoan and claims to have seen ghosts. – CM Punk • Hawaii ain’t a bad place to work. – T.I. • Hawaii can be heaven and it can be hell. – Jeff Goldblum • Hawaii doesn’t win many games in the United States. – Lee Corso • Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here. – Dan Quayle • Hawaii is a beautiful place to bring up a family. – Henry Ian Cusick • Hawaii is a small, close community. – Jake Shimabukuro • Hawaii is a special place because we have a very diverse population there, who are very respectful and tolerant of those who have differing opinions and different views. – Tulsi Gabbard • Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a-it is different than the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it’s got a particularly unique situation. – Dan Quayle • Hawaii is absolutely beautiful. – Rachelle Lefevre • Hawaii is not a state of mind, but a state of grace. – Paul Theroux • Hawaii is paradise. It sounds cheesy to say it, but there’s music in the air there. – Bruno Mars • Hawaii is the best form of comfort for me. When I die, I want to be cremated, and I want half my ashes spread in the Pacific around the island, the rest on the property. – Richard Pryor • Hawaii is the birthplace of surfing, and many Hawaiians or part-Hawaiians surf, but in the rest of the United States it’s a pretty white sport. – William Finnegan • Hawaii made the mouth of her soul water. – Tom Robbins • Hawaii was beautiful of course, we played at Turtle Bay an amazing resort right on the ocean. – Natalie Gulbis • Hawaiis own Patsy Mink served as the first congresswoman of color and first Asian American woman in the House; she later sought the Democratic Party presidential nomination. – Colleen Hanabusa • Hawaii’s the 50th state? I thought it was a suburb of Guam. – Bobby Heenan • Here’s my gut belief: Obama got a leg up by being admitted to both Occidental and Columbia as a foreign exchange student. He was raised as a young boy in Indonesia. But did his mother ever change him back to a U.S. citizen? When he returned to live with his grandparents in Hawaii or as he neared college-age preparing to apply to schools, did he ever change his citizenship back? I’m betting not. – Wayne Allyn Root • Hula is the art of Hawaiian dance, which expresses all we see, smell, taste, touch, feel, and experience. It is joy, sorrow, courage, and fear. – Robert Cazimero • I am privileged to be able to work for the people of Hawaii in whatever capacity. – Tulsi Gabbard • I bought almost every single thing that I furnished my house with at the Salvation Army in Hawaii. All second hand. Some of them are kind of retro, and some of them you’d never know. – Evangeline Lilly • I can’t even speak Hawaiian, but if you go there and listen to a Hawaiian song, you get captured because it’s so beautiful, like the melody is just gorgeous and you know Bob Marley is on the radio every single day. It’s very reggae-influenced down there. Basically, you haven’t been to paradise if you haven’t been to Hawaii. – Bruno Mars • I decided that we’d have to take our chances with the law and get the hell out of Baltimore. I thought of seeking asylum in Canada or Australia or England, but I didn’t want to leave the United States, because for better or worse I’m an American, and this is my land; so I decided to fight it out on home ground, and finally we hit upon Hawaii, because of the liberal atmosphere created by its racial admixture, and because of its relatively large population of Buddhists, who are largely nontheistic. – Madalyn Murray O’Hair • I dive all over the world: Fiji, Australia, the Caribbean, Hawaii, and many other places. – Frederick Lenz • I don’t care about the money. I’m just interested in the perks. I’ll do a series if I am picked up by a limo, work only until 4, and the show is shot in Hawaii. – Harry Morgan • I don’t care where [Ted] Cruz comes from. I don’t care where the President comes from. Day one, I opened an investigation on a fraudulent government Hawaii document, period, on a birth certificate, so if you can say Cruz has fake documents, okay. – Joe Arpaio • I don’t have any simple things. I only have things like a gold-studded leather jacket. Then I’m going to Hawaii and I’m asking myself “Do I pack it? It could be cold.” I’m inventing scenarios where I could wear it. – Shaun White • I don’t like to spend money when I’m traveling. I like to go places like Hawaii and not spend money. I splurge on time. – Jonny Weston • I don’t look down on tourism. I live in Hawaii where we have 7 million visitors a year. If they weren’t there, there would be no economy. So I understand why a tourist economy is necessary. – Paul Theroux • I ended up in the Army Air Corps in the Pacific, operating out of Ayuka field in Hawaii. – Louis Zamperini • I got into this little habit of architecture and building. I designed a house in Colorado and one in Hawaii. The idea is supposed to be build and sell – but then I can never bring myself to sell them. – Trey Parker • I grew up in a musical family; the majority of my growing up was done in Hawaii. It’s what we do. You sing, you dance, you play ukulele and you drink. – Dwayne Johnson • I grew up in Hawaii and I think those islands are some of the most amazing places on the planet. – Mateus Ward • I grew up in Hawaii so I was outside a lot playing in the water. – Kelly Preston • I had actually been going to Hawaii for quite a while before I ever picked up the uke. I think with anything new you’re going to get more enjoyment out of it if it comes to you quickly, and the uke facilitates that. – Eddie Vedder • I had done ‘Die Hard’ and it was somebody’s franchise. I actually just got done with the ‘Hawaii Five-O’ pilot and I was developing some things of my own. So ‘Total Recall’ one of those projects that I read wanting more not to like it. – Len Wiseman • I had never been to Hawaii, and now I say that my body is from L.A. but my heart is from Hawaii, because I’m in love with it and it’s home on every level, from a spiritual, soulful place. – Shailene Woodley • I hate painting with a broad brush, but I think the birther thing, at its root, is racist. The guy was born in Hawaii. A black guy is president. It’s cool. Get over it. Just deal with it. There’s nothing you could show these birther people that would shut them up. – Henry Rollins • I have never been afraid to tackle tough or controversial issues, but I have always done it with the intent to do what I was elected to do, and that is represent the interests of my constituents, the working people of Hawaii. I feel that we are facing some of the most difficult issues in recent history with regard to food security, a widening income gap, and the rapidly increasing rise of the cost of living in our State. I know that the office of Lieutenant Governor can do more to address these issues. – Clayton Hee • I have to say, though, that somebody pointed out to me on YouTube that Conan O’Brien was being interviewed, and he was talking about how, oddly enough, he went to see that movie [South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut ] in Hawaii with his girlfriend or wife or whoever, and he didn’t even realize his character was in it. But there he was, and he said, “This voice comes out of me, and I’m thinking, ‘That’s not me! Who is that? That doesn’t even sound like me!’ – Brent Spiner • I just got back from Hawaii on Saturday, and it’s so depressing how quickly all the stresses and the stressful energy of L.A. comes bombarding back. Everyone’s in a rush, you’re annoying everyone, get out of their way, everyone’s most important than you are, has got somewhere more important to be – very draining town. But I still love it in many ways. I wouldn’t leave California. I think it’s a fantastic state, if you can’t be in Hawaii all the time. – Natalie Maines • I know I can serve Hawaii and our country well in the U.S. Senate, know we can mount a solid statewide campaign, know we have a good chance of prevailing. – Ed Case • I know that some of those plans [of the North Korea] could very well lead to a missile that might reach Hawaii, if not the West Coast. We do have to try to get the countries in the region to work with us to do everything we can to confine, and constrain them. – Hillary Clinton • I love Hawaii. I really enjoy surfing in Oahu, and Waianae is such a great area. And Maui – I like Maui a lot, too. – Troy Polamalu • I mean, Hawaii is beautiful, but the world is full of beautiful places. – Robert Kiyosaki • I remember watching Swan Lake and everybody looking exactly the same, but being able to relate because they were the only company I had ever seen even on video that had Asian dancers. The Asian community in Hawaii is actually almost as dominant as the Caucasian community. I thought “I can relate to that company because they look like people that I see every day.” They weren’t all little stick-thin Russian ballerinas. – Joan Chen • I see life everywhere I look. I get the energy off the water. Hawaii really, when I am there, it feels like how we are supposed to live and how it’s supposed to be: slower, just appreciating our surroundings. I love the people there and the aloha, the history. They’re really rooted in something. – Natalie Maines • I shined off high school band, marching, jazz studies. At the time I was too cool for school, I had this professional gig and I was going home taking a shower and heading to downtown Hawaii, Waikiki. – Eric Hernandez • I still consider myself a little, fat kid from Hawaii. – Robert Kiyosaki • I take golf trips with my brother or with friends. We usually go to Pebble or Bandon Dunes. One year we went to Hawaii. – Greg Maddux • I think I learned years ago when I went to Hawaii that you don’t bring puka shells back. You’ve got to be careful of your vacation purchases. – Joshua Homme • I think I was a mermaid and I used to swim the shores or Hawaii and used to pop up and see coconuts and pineapples everywhere. – Ella Henderson • I think somebody like Wes [Anderson] has a very good sense of style and is original. I think my sense of style got a little bit better after I was exposed to you guys at Valentino. Because I’m just in Hawaii and Malibu; it’s just kind of T-shirts and surfing-type stuff. – Owen Wilson • I think that being isolated from the Hollywood world of premieres and red carpet events was probably good for me because I could ease into those at will and by my own choice. But in other aspects, when it comes to fanfare, Hawaii is nuts and in L.A. they’re all so jaded. They don’t care. – Evangeline Lilly • I think there’s a really great amount of potential for Hawaii to become an example of what’s possible with renewable energy because there are so many renewable resources here: energy, solar energy, and wind energy. There’s so much potential here. – Jack Johnson • I thought my book was done, then we went to Hawaii and the whole last chapter happened. – Mariel Hemingway • I truly believe the brightest days lie ahead for the Great State of Hawaii. – Linda Lingle • I volunteered to deploy to Iraq. I was one of the few soldiers who were not on the mandatory deployment roster – close to 3,000 Hawaii soldiers were. – Tulsi Gabbard • I want people to think of Hawaii and think of palm trees and magical islands and Bruno Mars. – Bruno Mars • I want to stay in Hawaii a little while. I’m kind of liking it over there. – Josh Holloway • I wanted to go back on ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ I did it. One of my favorite shows is ‘Hawaii Five-0.’ I went on, guest starred. I wanted to be in a film, did ‘Tasmanian Devils’ in Vancouver. Wanted to host a show, boom, did it. – Apolo Ohno • I was born and raised in Honolulu, Hawaii – Steve Case • I was born in Hawaii, but I was raised in Iowa. – Jason Momoa • I was in Jersey when the whole World Trade Center thing happened and I felt powerless. So, I went to Hawaii and did a surf movie. It’s kind of fluffy. – Michelle Rodriguez • I was introduced to skateboarding through my father. He was a surfer back in the 50’s & 60’s in Hawaii, where my parents grew up. They later moved to California and I was born. Skateboarding was the thing for surfers here in California in the 60’s and my Dad immediately made me a homemade board. – Christian Hosoi • I was just asking Chad [Myers], how can you get a volcano in Iceland? Isn’t it too- when you think of a volcano, you think of Hawaii and long words like that. You don’t think of Iceland.You think it’s too cold to have a volcano there. – Rick Sanchez • I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The ‘Big Island’ – that name cracks me up. First of all, it’s not that big, so I’m pretty sure a guy came up with that name. – Carol Leifer • I was raised all over. Kansas, Hawaii, Georgia, Texas and Kentucky, by the time I was 11. – Jeri Ryan • I would love to rent a little cottage or cabin in Colorado and learn to ski or snowboard. And on the warmer side, I also want to rent a house in Hawaii and learn to surf! – Karlie Kloss • I wrote ‘Big Yellow Taxi’ on my first trip to Hawaii. I took a taxi to the hotel and when I woke up the next morning, I threw back the curtains and saw these beautiful green mountains in the distance. Then, I looked down and there was a parking lot as far as the eye could see, and it broke my heart this blight on paradise. That’s when I sat down and wrote the song. – Joni Mitchell • I`ve always thought of him [Barack Obama] and from conversations know him to be a guy who takes the long view, who doesn`t get too high, doesn`t get too low and seizes the opportunities when they`re there and knows how to ride the wave. I ascribe that to Hawaii. He`s a body surfer, so he knows how to get on the wave. He knows just the right time. – Howard Fineman • I’d left Hawaii twice in my life, so I’d been on an island my whole life. I had no clue. I didn’t know how to live in a city. – Maggie Q • I’d love to be [one of MacGyver’s buddies]. I’d watch that one and just think, wow, what a life. Living in Hawaii, driving around in someone’s Ferrari, and solving mysteries. – Rhys Darby • I’d love to go somewhere warm, somewhere near the beach and somewhere with a cool culture. It could be Hawaii, Cuba, South America – anywhere that has a cool culture and a beautiful climate. – Steve Nash • If a nation’s security is only as strong as its weakest link, then America may be in serious trouble. Hawaii may be our weakest link and could have a serious impact on our nation’s immigration policy. – Joe Arpaio • If there’s a Disney animated feature based in Hawaii, I knew I had to be part of it. I’m very proud to be from Hawaii. There was no question the role was mine. – Tia Carrere • If we quit Vietnam, tomorrow we’ll be fighting in Hawaii, and next week we’ll have to fight in San Francisco. – Lyndon B. Johnson • If you don’t have at least a working knowledge of the Hawaiian language… you can’t chant well. You cannot… receive the images of poetry paints for you. It’s like having peas and no pod. – Keali’i Reichel • If you want to surf, move to Hawaii. If you like to shop, move to New York. If you like acting and Hollywood, move to California. But if you like college football, move to Texas. – Ricky Williams • I’m a surfer at heart. Both my parents moved to Hawaii in the 1970s, where they met and became Christians. Then they taught me and my two brothers how to love the Lord – and how to surf! – Bethany Hamilton • I’m not sure it’s possible to stay in Hawaii. It’s kind of impractical. – Terry O’Quinn • I’m of Filipino, Spanish, and Chinese descent, and was raised on Hawaii. – Tia Carrere • I’m quadracontinental. I’ve got a life in London, New York, L.A. and Hawaii. – Rebecca Mader • I’m still a little girl in Hawaii, I have the same friends I had when I was a kid who love me for who I am – not what I do. I never got caught up in the club scene or took wrong roads. – Kiana Tom • Imagine, if you will, you’re sitting at my desk in Hawaii. You have access to the entire world, as far as you can see it. Last several days, content of internet communications. Every email that’s sent. Every website that’s visited by every individual. Every text message that somebody sends on their phone. Every phone call they make. – Edward Snowden • In Hawaii they say, “aloha.” That’s a nice one, It means both “hello” and “good-bye” Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don’t know whether you’re coming or going. – George Carlin • In Hawaii, if you’re invited to dinner, it’s assumed that the children are invited as well. On the islands, no one treats children like they’re not part of the conversation. People talk to children as people and include them in adventures and conversations. – Gabrielle Reece • In Hawaii, some of the biggest radio stations are reggae. The local bands are heavily influenced by Bob Marley. – Bruno Mars • In Hawaii, the environment is fabulous. In Malibu, the people are fabulous. Our family unity is tight, and we have the Pacific Ocean outside our door in both places, so there is consistency. – Laird Hamilton • In Hawaii, there are 50-year-old grandfathers, because they got married so early. – Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa • In Hawaii, they’re happy to hear that you’re filming a show. They love it that people actually come and make use of their beautiful landscapes. – Rachelle Lefevre • In Hawaii, we go to this wonderful place, all families. My wife and I go directly from breakfast to a beach chair where we read all day. My daughter goes from water to pool to running around with friends she meets, some of whom are regulars there. – Stephen Collins • In Hawaii, we greet friends, loved ones or strangers with Aloha, which means love. Aloha is the key word to the universal spirit of real hospitality, which makes Hawaii renowned as the world’s center of understanding and fellowship. Try meeting or leaving people with Aloha. You’ll be surprised by their reaction. I believe it and it is my creed. Aloha to you. – Duke Kahanamoku • In Hawaii, we have something called Ho’oponopono, where people come together to resolve crises and restore peace and balance. – Duane Chapman • In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago. – Mark Twain • In the case of Five-O, I believe it was a combination of many ingredients – timing, chemistry, Hawaii. – James MacArthur • Indian-styled garments are very popular in the U.S., especially in areas near the beach, like Hawaii and Los Angeles. – Maggie Grace • Insiders say Obama’s pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been ‘acting’ like he was born in Hawaii for a long time. – Craig Ferguson • It doesn’t matter if the Republican or the Democratic candidate wins the governorship [of Hawaii]. Either one is already in the kingdom. – Ed Silvoso • It doesn’t matter to me where Barack Obama goes. If he wants to go to Hawaii because it’s his home state, fine! Hunky-dory. Plastic banana, good-time rock ‘n’ roller dittos. – Rush Limbaugh • It is really so nice here-country-busy-busy with so many different kinds of things-… I must say I feel far away in another world here-… always we go to a new place…the people have a kind of gentleness that isn’t usual on the mainland. – Georgia O’Keeffe • It’s easier to be healthy in Hawaii than it is, almost anywhere else I’ve lived. You spend a lot of time outside, in the ocean and on the beach. – Terry O’Quinn • It’s good to visit Hawaii if you’re seeking power. You don’t really need to live here. Just to come over for a week is enough. Switzerland is another spot like this. It’s very similar. These are the two clearest spots, Switzerland and Hawaii. – Frederick Lenz • I’ve always been under the impression that it would be such a bummer to be in a peaceful place like Hawaii or the tropics and be stressed about catching waves. – Shaun White • I’ve been surfing for a couple years, in the offseason in California and in Hawaii. I’m not very good, but it’s just something that to be out there in the water, no cell phone, no music… very few sports are as pure as that. – Troy Polamalu • I’ve enjoyed the accommodations offered by police departments from Florida to Hawaii. Any time I saw a badge, something in me would snap. – Grace Slick • Jason Lee is the most famous actor from Hawaii I can think of. – Tia Carrere • Life is very nice in Hawaii. I rent a place that has its own cottage so when my friends and family come to visit, they have somewhere nice to stay. – Jorge Garcia • Make good the good in you…and you will slowly steal into the Hawaiian heart, which is all of softness, and gentleness, and sweetness. – Jack London • Many believe that Hillary Clinton was channeling President Obama during her recent speech in New York City. She focused on equality, justice, and how hard it was for her growing up as a young black man in Hawaii. – Jimmy Fallon • Many exhibits from this aquarium use Hawaii’s abundant natural daylight. This allows Waikiki to display only live coral, which creates beautiful exhibits. It’s also a world leader in the propagation of live coral. The aquarium features some unusual and rarely seen species, including the chambered nautilus and the endangered Hawaiian monk seal. – John Grant • Most of my ukulele heroes were traditional players from Hawaii, like Eddie Kamae and Ohta-san. There may not be uke stars in popular culture, but there are certainly pop stars that play uke – George Harrison, Eddie Vedder, Taylor Swift, Train, and Paul McCartney. – Jake Shimabukuro • Most of the time, I’m working in places I’m not familiar with. Sometimes it’s Slovakia, and sometimes it’s Hawaii. Not to bash on Slovakia, but I really did enjoy Hawaii. – George Clooney • Most people are walking around the city like corpses; they aren’t alive enough to notice the trash. They come from other places and they see it as a big garbage dump. Do you want to live and work in a garbage dump? I don’t. That’s partly because I grew up in the most pristine environment possible – Hawaii, where it is sacrilege to leave your garbage on the ground. – Bette Midler • My boyfriend, who I love to death – he’s only 17 so he’s the youngest guy I’ve ever dated – he just moved here from Hawaii to be with me and I met him when I was 10. Anyway, in Hawaii they have such a different mentality and different priorities. – Nikki Reed • My father is Chinese, Spanish, and Filipino; my mother is half-Irish and half-Japanese; Greek last name; born in Hawaii, raised in Germany. – Mark Dacascos • My father moved to Hawaii from Brooklyn and my mother came there as a child from the Philippines. They met at a show where my dad was playing percussion. My mom was a hula dancer. – Bruno Mars • My husband is from Hawaii and his father who was also born in Hawaii was a teenager when Pearl Harbor happened, right before church and he ran up and got on the roof of his grandfather’s house and watched the planes go over. – Sigourney Weaver • My kids have never known me not working on The Bachelor. But they’ve lived in Paris and Italy and been to Hawaii and Bora-Bora with me, and it’s incredible to me that they’ve had these experiences. – Chris Harrison • Not very many companies go through Hawaii on their way to anywhere. San Francisco Ballet was the only company I remember, and Bolshoi, coming through Hawaii when I was younger. – Joan Chen • Nothing is more often misdiagnosed than our homesickness for Heaven. We think that what we want is sex, drugs, alcohol, a new job, a raise, a doctorate, a spouse, a large-screen television, a new car, a cabin in the woods, a condo in Hawaii. What we really want is the person we were made for, Jesus, and the place we were made for, Heaven. Nothing less can satisfy us. – Randy Alcorn • One volcano in Hawaii, one volcano in Indonesia, produces enough gases in the atmosphere, which include those natural elements that are in the Earth’s crust, that, uh, kind of make all the, you know, the science that we have about what we produce, moot. – Jim Gibbons • Over the years, I’ve traveled to many places for inspiration and research, including Pennsylvania, Ohio, South Carolina, California, and Hawaii. – Jennifer Chiaverini • President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they’re gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope. – David Letterman • President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii’s governor said, ‘Great, who’s going to want to come to Hawaii now?’ – Conan O’Brien • Running gives me a clearer perspective on the world, and it makes me feel special. I’ve never been a traditional tourist. I’ve always seen the world by running, and that has allowed me to view things in a different way. Places look different in the early-morning hours, when the streets are deserted. – Grete Waitz • Should hostilities once break out between Japan and the United States, it is not enough that we take Guam and the Philippines, nor even Hawaii and San Francisco. To make victory certain, we would have to march into Washington and dictate the terms of peace in the White House. I wonder if our politicians, among whom armchair arguments about war are being glibly bandied about in the name of state politics, have confidence as to the final outcome and are prepared to make the necessary sacrifices. – Isoroku Yamamoto • Since my mom is the President of Ballet Hawaii, I’m always in touch with stuff going on. – Joan Chen • Six years ago, I completed the premier episode of Hawaii Five-O, and Jack Lord and I immediately realized that we had a good series, that this was a success such as we’d never hoped for! – James MacArthur • So it was a really pleasant surprise when [Independence Day] turned out to be a successful film. I don’t know if you’ve heard that they’re going to be re-releasing it next Fourth of July in 3-D. I’ve actually only seen it once, and it was in Hawaii, in a little theater in Oahu shortly after it was released. But Roland Emmerich is a really smart guy, and he makes really fun movies to watch. – Brent Spiner • Some people say Hawaii is spoiled, but I don’t think so. It’s modern. It’s a part of today’s world. – James MacArthur • Somehow, the love of the islands, like the love of a woman, just happens. One cannot determine in advance to love a particular woman, nor can one so determine to love Hawaii. – Jack London • That isn’t to say that Hawaii’s better. On the mainland, everyone seems to be trying to get somewhere. Kids are taught to shoot for the moon, to believe in their ability to do anything, to follow their passions. In Hawaii, you’re stuck in the middle of the Pacific, and it can be difficult to see how you’re going to follow your passion from there. – Gabrielle Reece • That’s a traditional Samoan dance. I was lucky that I was able to fly my cousins, who are professional dancers, up from Hawaii and they were able to be in the movie with me. We had a great time. – Dwayne Johnson • The Aloha spirit is something that is very special and very meaningful to us and our Polynesian culture. Those of you who have had the opportunity to visit Hawaii, or any of the Polynesian islands, know that it’s a very special thing. It’s an intangible, and when you get off the plane and have your feet on the ground there, it energetically takes you to a different place. – Dwayne Johnson • The band would play on the night off for the local hotel bands and we’d back all the different acts. So I’d been advised by good friends of mine to come back to Hawaii. Oh, I loved Honolulu, playing at a place right on the beach at Waikiki! – Martin Denny • The beauty of Hawaii probably surpasses other places. I like the Big Island and the two mountains, Mauna Loa and Mauna Kea, where you can look out at the stars. – Buzz Aldrin • The best thing about wearing black is that you can hide pretty easily, unless you’re in like Hawaii, then you can’t hide. – Gerard Way • The cause of Hawaii and independence is larger and dearer than the life of any man connected with it. Love of country is deep-seated in the breast of every Hawaiian, whatever his station. – Liliʻuokalani • The day before I left to fly in New York, I went in the ocean and was just lying on my black looking up at the sky, which was that Hawaii blue. Just that moment was worth the entire thing. The ocean is everything. It can heal you. – Gavin Rossdale • The five principles of aloha, when practiced together, awaken our awareness of our human potential and the sacredness of our life. – Paul Pearsall • The mindless rejoicing at home is really appalling; it makes me fear that the first blow against Tokyo will make them wilt at once…I only wish that [the Americans] had also had, say, three carriers at Hawaii. – Isoroku Yamamoto • The number one issue that Ocean Mysteries has opened my eyes to is, no matter where you are, whether you’re on a beach in Hawaii, you’re diving in the Pacific, you’re in a remote archipelago, or you’re in the middle of nowhere – I am blown away and sobered and crushed, emotionally crushed, by the amount of marine debris, of garbage, that is now in our ocean. – Jeff Corwin • The one we keep pitching and there are no takers is The Fabulous Baker Boys Go to Hawaii. There don’t seem to be any takers on that one! – Beau Bridges • The paintings are transferred from my computer to a disk, and I can hand it to the printer this way; or I can modem the painting to the printer over the phone lines from my house in Hawaii. – Buffy Sainte-Marie • The person who betrayed you is sunning themselves on a beach in Hawaii and you’re knotted up in hatred. Who is suffering? – Jack Kornfield • The sentiments in Hawaii about Washington’s failure of leadership are no different than the rest of the country. – Ed Case • The smell of the sea, of kelp and fish and bitter moving water, rose stronger in my nostrils. It flooded my consciousness like an ancestral memory. The swells rose sluggishly and fell away, casting up dismal gleams between the boards of the pier. And the whole pier rose and fell in stiff and creaking mimicry, dancing its long slow dance of dissolution. I reached the end and saw no one, heard nothing but my footsteps and the creak of the beams, the slap of waves on the pilings. It was a fifteen-foot drop to the dim water. The nearest land ahead of me was Hawaii.- Ross Macdonald • The spiritual destiny of Hawaii has been shaped by a Calvinist theory of paternalism enacted by the descendants of the missionaries who had carried it there: a will to do good for unfortunates regardless of what the unfortunates thought about it. – Francine du Plessix Gray • The U.S. started with no stars. In fact, it started with a completely different flag. The last two were added in 1959, Hawaii and Alaska. – Juan Enriquez • There are many things I’m looking forward to in 2013, both personally and professionally. Plans for new restaurants in the U.S., including Eataly Chicago, are underway, and I’m gearing up for the 2013 Ironman world championships in Hawaii – if I’m lucky enough to get a spot! – Joe Bastianich • There are several states where you can get married. But I think I can say without fear of contradiction, ‘Paradise awaits.’ We’ll be happy to welcome you. And if you do get married in another state, think about honeymooning in Hawaii. – Neil Abercrombie • There are spirits in Hawaii. They’re very protective and very good and they watch over these islands. I must confess, they’re not entirely happy with what they see, with the way the civilization is moving. But they’re patient. They’ve been here for a long time, and they’ll be here long after the human beings have ceased to inhabit the islands. – Frederick Lenz • There is one bright side to this, said Fang. “Yeah? What’s that?” The new and improved Erasers would mutilate us before they killed us? He grinned at me so unexpectedly I gorgot to flap for a second and dropped several feet. “You looove me,” he crooned smugly. Holding his arms out wide, he added, “You love me this much.” My shriek of appalled rage could probably be heard in California, or maybe Hawaii. – James Patterson • There’s nothing – there’s nothing – as action-packed as ‘Hawaii Five-O.’ – Michelle Borth • This sounds cheesy but when I would get in discussions with people about religion or spirituality, a lot of people would say, “I believe God is nature, there’s God in that tree” – and I would think, What the hell are they on about? But it was about four or five years ago in Hawaii where that all made sense to me and I got it all, and I felt God was in the trees and in the grass and the flowers, and I completely understood. – Natalie Maines • Though there is something cruel about being in Hawaii and you have a computer in front of you the whole time. – Justin Theroux • To be honest I don’t watch the show, I don’t watch any TV, so I have no idea what the show is about. I go to Hawaii, shot my scenes and script and ‘Ciao.’ I’m not a ‘Lost’ fanatic and it’s a disappointment for thousands people and friends that are dying to know what will happen. They know more than me. – Sonya Walger • Waterworld was the best time of my life. It was physically demanding, but it was fun. I mean, you’re in Hawaii for nine months shooting on the water every day. – David R. Ellis • We are truly the land of the great. From the rock shores of… Hawaii… to the beautiful sandy beaches of… Hawaii… America is our home. – Sarah Palin • We have great cities to visit: New York and Washington, Paris and London; and further east, and older than any of these, the legendary city of Samarkand, whose crumbling palaces and mosques still welcome travelers on the Silk road. Weary of cities? Then we’ll take to the wilds. To the islands of Hawaii and the mountains of Japan, to forests where Civil War dead still lie, and stretches of sea no mariner ever crossed. They all have their poetry: the glittering cities and the ruined, the watery wastes and the dusty; I want to show you them all. I want to show you everything. – Clive Barker • We have North Shore, Hawaii and Lost all there, so they have softball tournaments between the casts. It’s hilarious. – Josh Holloway • We need Hawaii just as much and a good deal more than we did California. It is manifest destiny. – William McKinley • We packed up all the worldly possessions we could carry with us and took the next flight to Hawaii from Washington. It took just about every cent my family had to our name just to pay the plane fare. When we arrived, we had about $15 left among us. We were really in pitiful shape. But we were together, and we were alive, and this was all that mattered. – Madalyn Murray O’Hair • We shot on location in our very first weeks, in our very first shows. I would like to go on location again, Hawaii would be good!! But normally, we tape five days a week in the studio starting at about 8:00 a.m. and continuing until about 8:00 p.m. – Juliet Mills • We were just floored by the kindness of the people here. The minister of the Unitarian Church in Honolulu invited my family over to his office the day we arrived and told us to make it our headquarters while we looked for a permanent residence. When we couldn’t find a place for about a week, he let us live in the church; that’s ironic, isn’t it? But it points up the vastly different intellectual atmosphere that prevails here in Hawaii. – Madalyn Murray O’Hair • We were on the island of Hawaii. I think I was there three months. It was fantastic. It is not much different than films. It depends on the television show but much of television today is as good or better than most films. – Bo Derek • Well, filming in Hawaii, you know, is a blessing. It’s one of the most beautiful places on this planet. It has a very mystic energy which informs you as an actor. – Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje • Well, President-elect Barack Obama and his family are gonna spend the holidays in his home state of Hawaii. And you know who couldn’t be more thrilled with this? The press, the reporters who follow the president. Well, think about it. After eight years of spending every holiday cutting brush in Crawford, Texas, they get to go to Hawaii! – Jay Leno • We’ve had every official in Hawaii, Democrat and Republican, every news outlet that has investigated this, confirm that, yes, in fact, I was born in Hawaii, Aug. 4, 1961, in Kapiolani Hospital. – Barack Obama • When I get in the sun I get very tanned. You can’t tell me from the native fishermen in Hawaii or Mexico. – Desi Arnaz • When I’m in New York, I bike everywhere. I have a couple of bikes stored over at Ed Norton’s. It’s the only way to go. But in Hawaii, I drive. I have a little Volkswagen Bug, from the ‘Drive it? Hug it?’ phase. I run it on biodiesel. – Woody Harrelson • When Japanese went to Hawaii they would go straight and buy the same thing that they would buy in Japan. They just got it cheaper, which they liked. And so they would still eat the red bean ice cream or the green tea ice cream, but they didn’t really take advantage of the variety and it wasn’t clear that they cared. – Sheena Iyengar • When people are worried about the future, they don’t take trips to Hawaii. – Linda Lingle • When you go to Hawaii, it’s all about “Aloha.” It means hello, goodbye and I love you. – Gabriel Iglesias • Whenever I finish a book, I go off and have some kind of adventure. Having had an adventure in my writing chair or on my writing sofa, an internal adventure, then I need to balance that off with an external adventure, so I’ll go tramping through Africa or whitewater rafting or float to Hawaii in a martini shaker or something. – Tom Robbins • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? – Steven Wright • With my being from Hawaii and being very family oriented I don’t really have a fear of a tragic ending. I dont see any tragic ending for me. – Bruno Mars • With the departure of Congressman Neil Abercrombie (D), who is running for the governorship of Hawaii, and with the tragic and very sad passing of my personal friend Jack Murtha (D-Pa.), mine is now the deciding vote on the health care bill and this administration and this House leadership have said, quote-unquote, they will stop at nothing to pass this health care bill. And now they’ve gotten rid of me and it will pass. You connect the dots. – Eric Massa • You are the lei I entwine with the beauty of your smile. – Robert Cazimero • You know, I think there was a point in time when people didn’t really understand how birth certificates were kept in the state of Hawaii, and now, I think that it’s been pretty much disclosed that they used to have a long form and now they don’t have a long form. Arizona used to have a long form, we now have a short form. – Jan Brewer • You know, or three kinds of ice cream bars and you’d see this and like this… okay they could clearly benefit from some more choices and I remember having these discussions with the Japanese because they you know they often like to go to Hawaii for vacation because it was definitely much cheaper for them and I would ask them, “So when you go to Hawaii, you know do eat all these other things?” – Sheena Iyengar • You think that you can hide; you think you can lay low? I’ll roll up on your ass like Hawaii 5-0! – Busta Rhymes [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'o', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_o').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_o img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND July 26, 2019  - ONCE UPON A TIME … IN HOLLYWOOD, SKIN

Gonna try to make this a lighter column this week since I’m still recovering from a combination of Comic-Con and the heat wave that struck New York last weekend.

Of course, the big movie of the weekend is Quentin Tarantino’s ONCE UPON A TIME IN… HOLLYWOOD (Sony), which has such an amazing concept and trailer and cast that I’m not sure what more I can say about it besides my review below. It does have an amazing cast led by Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio and Margot Robbie with an amazing supporting cast around them. Oh, just read the review…

My Once Upon a Time… Review

Plus you can read more about the movie’s box office prospects over at The Beat.

LIMITED RELEASES

The one limited release I do recommend is Guy Nattiv’s SKIN (A24/DirecTV), which premiered at the Toronto Film Festival last year and then played Tribeca earlier this year. It stars Jamie Bell as the heavily-tattooed Bryon “Babs” Widner, a violent white supremacist part of a Midwest group led by Vera Farmiga and Bill Camp. When Bryon meets a single mother of three girls played by Danielle Macdonald (Patti Cake$), he starts to realize that his dangerous violent and racist actions are destroying him, so he turns to Mike Colter as a FBI agent looking to turn white supremacists, to save him. Based on the true story of Bryon, who actually did try to get out of the white supremacist ring and had all his tattoos removed surgically. Nattiv is a really talented filmmaker, and if his name or the title of the movie sounds familiar, that’s because he won the Oscar for live action short earlier this year for a semi-related movie with the same title.  More importantly, the film marks a career best for Bell, who just carries himself so differently that it’s hard to believe that it’s the same actor who played Bernie Taupin in Rocketman. I definitely recommend seeking this one out in select theaters and On Demand this Friday.

Also, I’ll have an interview with Jamie Bell over at The Beatlater this week and another one with director Guy Nattiv over at Next Best Picture very soon, as well.

There are a number of great docs to check out this week, but one definitely worth checking out is Avi Belkin’s MIKE WALLACE IS HERE (Magnolia), which looks at the controversial career of newsman and interviewer who helped make CBS’s “60 Minutes” one of the hottest news programs on television even while being persecuted for his “Gotcha” tactics with some of the great world leaders. This is a fantastic doc that’s assembled from a lot of archival footage of Wallace’s interview as well as a more recent conversation with his “60 Minutes” co-host Morly Safer.sIt opens at the Landmark at 57 Streetand Angelika in New York on Friday, as well as L.A. Landmark 12 and then expands to other citieson August 2.

Another doc that’s more cinema verité but still interesting is Ljubomir Stefanov & Tamara Kotevska’s HONEYLAND (NEON), which follows a woman named Hatidze, living in the mountains of Macedonia with her ailing mother who makes a living with beekeeping, a practice that runs into issue when a family moves in next door to her who threatens her livelihood.  It opens at the Quad Cinemain New York

Now, we get to the movies I haven’t had a chance to see just yet…

I do want to see Waad al-Kateab and Edward Watts’s FOR SAMA (PBS Distribution), which trades Waad’s life through five years of the Aleppo uprising in Syria, as she falls in love, gets married and gives birth with the conflict around her. It’s told as a message to Waad’s daughter Sama.

Entertainment and The Comedy director Rick Alverson’s The Mountain (Kino Lorber/Vice Studios)starring Jeff Goldblum and Tye Sheridan opens at the IFC Center in New York and Landmark Nuart in L.A. Friday. Sheridan plays an introverted photographer in the ‘50s who joins a legendary lobotomist (Goldblum) on a tour to promote the doctor’s procedure, becoming enamored with a young woman played by Hannah Gross. The movie also stars Denis Lavant and Udo Kier, and I hope to check it out although I have not been a fan of Alverson’s work up until now.

Opening at New York’s Village East Friday and in L.A. at the Laemmle Music Hall is Benjamin Gilmour’s Jirga starring Sam Smith – no, not the singer – as an Australian soldier who returns to his village after being accused of war crimes, so he puts his life at the mercy of the village’s justice system, the Jirga.

James Longley’s documentary Angels are Made of Light (Grasshopper Films), opening at New York’s Film Forum Wednesday, follows three Afghan brothers in war-ton Kabul.

Caper Van Diem from Starship Troopers stars in Chris Helton’s Dead Water (Lionsgate/Saban Films) a man who invites a friend and his beautiful wife onto his new yacht so they can relax, which leads to a deadly game once they’re boarded by a modern-day pirate.  It opens in select theaters and On Demand.

David Mahmoudieh’s See You Soon (Vertical) is a love story between a US soccer star with a career-threatening injury who has a romance with a Russian single mother.

Opening at the IFC Center in New York is Austrian filmmaker Marie Kreutzer’s psychological thriller The Ground Beneath My Feet (Strand Releasing) about a woman named Lola (Valerie Pachner, winner of the Maguery Prize), who is trying to succeed in the business world while having a secret relationship with her boss Elise and dealing with her older sister’s mental illness, which leads to a suicide attempt.  

STREAMING AND CABLE

Karim Amer and Jehane Noujaim’s doc The Great Hack looks at the data company Cambridge Analytica and how it used social media to try to affect (successfully) the 2016 U.S. Presidential election. It streams on Netflix starting Wednesday

Netflix also has three new foreign films streaming this week:

Olivier Afonso’s Girls with Balls is a French horror-comedy about a women’s volleyball team who are terrorized by a group of hunters while stranded in the woods.  Sebastian Schindel’s Spanish psychological thriller El Hijo (The Son)is about a 50-year-old painter who is getting ready to have a baby with his new wife until she becomes obsessed with the baby isolating him. From Spain comes Jorge M. Fontana’s Boiabout a chauffeur who drives two Chinese businessmen around Barcelona and getting caught up in an adventure with them.

Also, the 7thseason of Orange is the New Black – 7thSeason!? Man, I need to catch up – debuts on Friday.

I’m pretty excited thatThe Boys series is beginning on Amazon Prime on Friday, cause I generally like the work of Garth Ennis and artist Darick Robertson, even though I never got as into this Dynamite series as much as I should have.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

Japanese actor Machiko Kyō, who passed away in May at the age of 95, gets a full-on retrospective running through August 1. I’ve seen Akira Kurosawa’s Rashomonand maybe a couple others but this is mostly focusing on her ‘50s work, including Ozu’s Floating Weeds, and I might have to try to check some of these out. Metrograph is also opening a restoration of Rob Nillson’s 1996 film Chalk, a drama centered around a pool hall with Nillson in person on Friday and Saturday nights. This week’s Late Nites at Metrograph is Pedro Almodovar’s excellent 1989 film Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!starring Antonio Banderas, whilePlaytime: Family Matinees is screening George Stevens’ 1953 Western Shane.

THE NEW BEVERLY  (L.A.):

Well, it looks like Tarantino has decided to use his own theater to show Once Upon a Time in… Hollywood day and night through the end of the month and most of those shows are sold out so… The couple exceptions are Weds afternoon’s screening of the James Bond movie You Only Live Twice, the Weds. night George Hamilton double feature of Evel Knievel  (1971) and Jack of Diamonds (1967),  the weekend’s KIDDEE MATINEE of Herbie Fully Loaded (yes, the 2005 movie starring Lindsay Lohan) and then Martin Scorsese’s The Aviator(2004) on Monday afternoon.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The Forum’s amazing Burt Lancaster retrospective continues this weekend with classics like The Sweet Smell of Success (1957) and From Here to Eternity  (1953) on Friday, as well as Criss Cross (1949)on Saturday/Sunday and Luchino Visconti’s The Leopard (1963) on Sunday. Monday is a  1948 double feature of All My Sons &Sorry Wrong Number, while Tuesday is double features of The Crimson Pirate (1952) and Jacques Tournuer’s The Flame and the Arrow (1950). Also the restoration of Robert Siodmak’s The Killers (1946)has been extended for select screenings starting Friday.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

On Thursday, this week’s installment of “Highballs and Screwballs” is His Girl Friday (1940) with  Call Northside 777  (1948). On Friday, Helen Slater Jr. will be on  hand for a double feature of Superman  (1978) with Supergirl  (1984). Saturday sees a six-film “Warner Bros. Horror/Sci-Fi Marathon” of House on Haunted Hill (1958), The Thing from Another World (1951), Tod Browning’s Freaks  (1932),Them! (1954), The Haunting  (1953) and Jacques Tourneur’s Cat People(1942) – some real classics in there.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

I got to watch three of the six movies in the “Fresh Meat: Giallo Restorations Part II” over the weekend and you can still see a few of them over the next couple days.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Starting Friday and running through August 15, the IFC Center is running Abbas Kiorastami: A Retrospective (Janus Films), the most comprehensive retrospective of the late Iranian filmmaker with film critic Godfrey Chesire doing a few discussions of Kiorastami’s work including the World Premiere of a restoration of his “Koker Trilogy” AND the theater is offering special Ticket Packs, so you can plan on seeing multiple films in the series.

FILM OF LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

This is Cinema Now: 21st Century Debuts  continues through the end of the month with a number of highlights including Saturday night’s double feature of Jordan Peele’s Get Out and Jennifer Kent’s The Babadook. (Oddly, Ms. Kent’s second feature The Nightingaleopens next week!)

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

I’m going to try to write about BAM’s new series We Can’t Even: Millennials on Film without snickering or being snarky, mainly because I can’t believe it’s taken so long for one of these rep/arthouses to do something like this. Running from July 24 through August 6, the line-up is actually pretty impressive in terms of recent movies, ranging from Natalie Portman’s Vox Lux to the Oscar-winning Moonlight, Greta Gerwig’s Lady Bird, Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring, David Fincher’s The Social Network and much more.

Actually, my bud Jordan Hoffman wrote a story on this series for AM New York if you need any more convincing.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

Astoria’s premiere arthouses continues the series “Barbara Hammer: Superdyke” through the weekend, and they’re showing the Oscar-nominated animated film The Secret of the Kellsthrough the weekend. This weekend also is a series called “Verneuil Populaire: Vintage Thrillers from France’s Genre Maestro” which includes The Sicilian Clan (1969) on Friday, A Monkey in Winter (1962) and two more on Saturday, and The Burglars (1971) and Fear over the City (1975) on Sunday.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

Wednesday night is another screening of The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967), starring Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate – the film on which they met – plus Friday and Sunday, the Roxy is showing Valley of the Dolls (1967), also starring Tate. Could this be meant as a tie-in to Tarantino’s film? Could be…

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART (LA):

Friday’s midnight movie is Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park.

AEROin L.A. and MOMAin New York are both going through renovations.

Next week… Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw!

[stephmolliex]

Apple's revolutionary iMac is 20 years old, and still going strong

The iMac is the machine that famously saved Apple back in 1998 -- but it didn't stop there. Rarely standing still, it has kept at the forefront of Apple design, yet today's iMac has the same design goals it always has. AppleInsider looks back at the beginning of the line, all the way to today. iMac: The origin The story of the iMac is well known. Shortly after Steve Jobs returned to Apple and then took over the interim CEO chair in 1997, he commissioned a new signature Apple computer for the consumer market. This computer would be simple to use, and connect easily to the Internet. It would also look unlike anything Apple or any of its competitors had ever made before. That computer, the original iMac, became Apple's most successful product in years. The mixture of beautiful design and functionality not only stabilized the company, but set Apple on the path to its greatest successes in the early part of the new century. The first iMac was introduced in May of 1998 and arrived on the market on August 15 of that year. This is the story of how the iMac came together and what it became. iMac Origins The first mention of the iMac came when Steve Jobs said at its May 6, 1998 announcement that it "comes from the marriage of the excitement of the Internet with the simplicity of Macintosh. Even though this is a full-blooded Macintosh, we are targeting this for the #1 use consumers tell us they want a computer for, which is to get on the Internet, simply and fast." The idea was that Apple needed to make a big splash with its first computer upon Jobs' return to the company. The goals included making a machine that could easily connect with the Internet, that would achieve something close to "plug and play" functionality. A product that would get people talking about Apple again. Apple came up with a form factor drastically different from the PCs that were popular at the time. But, at the same time, it was reminiscent of Apple's all-in-one Mac line that it introduced in 1984. The original iMac was the first major Apple product designed by newly appointed Senior Vice President of Industrial Design Jony Ive, who has been the top designer for all of the company's products ever since. And, the machine's unique look was a major part of the selling of the iMac. The iMac has often been described as "candy colored," and that's not a coincidence. Ive told an interviewer at the time that he actually consulted with candy industry professionals while designing the iMac. "The translucent resin presented a problem because of the high volume of products we needed to produce," Ive told the Australian magazine PC and Tech Authority. "We had to make sure that the colour and level of translucency were exactly the same in the first computer and every one thereafter." "This led us to finding a partner who does a lot of work in the candy industry, because a lot of candies are translucent," added Ive. "These guys have so much experience in how you control the compounding and a great understanding of the science of colour control." There was also some negativity, directed at the PCs leading the market at the time. In his keynote, Jobs ripped the incumbent PCs, especially Dell's, denouncing them as sporting "crummy displays" and adding that "these things are ug-ly." And in a series of advertisements, featuring actor Jeff Goldblum, Apple questioned why computer design had been so unimaginative in the years before the iMac. "Do you ever ask anybody what their favorite color is?," Goldblum asked in one of the ads. "How many times do they say beige'? Never. Because it's one of the worst colors. It's hardly even a color, it's like oatmeal or sand. There's nothing -- it's beige, it's boring, it's bland. "Now, computers- why, in heaven's name, have the people who have made computers before never done anything but beige? That's nuts! Have they been in thinking jail?" What's in a name? The ads were created by Apple's longtime creative firm of TBWA/Chiat/Day, under the auspices of creative directors Lee Clow and Ken Segall. Segall plays another important part in the history of the iMac, beyond just the advertising. According to his own autobiography, he gave the iMac its name. As Segall wrote in his book, Insanely Simple: The Obsession That Drives Apple's Success (excepted in Fast Company), Segall and the other ad people were summoned to Cupertino in the spring of 1998 to see the new computer, which was meant to fulfill the promise of their "Think Different" advertising campaign of the previous year. According to Segall, Jobs had planned to call the device "MacMan," but had challenged the creative team to come up with a better name that that. While acknowledging that "MacMan" had been Phil Schiller's idea, Jobs asked the admen to include "Mac" in the name, while also emphasizing its Internet capability. Going by Jobs' instructions, Segall says he came up with "iMac." "It seemed to solve all the problems at once. It was clearly a Mac," Segall wrote. "The 'i' conveyed that this was a Mac designed to get you onto the Internet. It was also a perfectly succinct name-just a single letter added to the word 'Mac.' It didn't sound like a toy and it didn't sound portable." "Using the word Mac' in the product name was more of a revolution than you might realize," said Segall. "At that time, Macintosh' had yet to be shortened to a more colloquial "Mac" in the name of any Apple computer. For simplicity and minimalism, 'iMac' seemed to be perfect." Jobs replied that he hated all of the names and preferred MacMan, but further back and forth led to "iMac" carrying the day. Of course, Segall also noted that the use of the "i" could later be adapted to future Apple products. Which, of course, it was. The reception The iMac arrived on the market in August of 1998, and the reception was positive. Walt Mossberg, then of the Wall Street Journal, raved about the iMac, starting his review with "these words are being created on the coolest-looking personal computer I've ever used. It's a handsome two-tone devil, sort of blue-green and off-white, tapered at the rear, with a crisp, built-in 15-inch monitor and internal stereo speakers." The influential consumer tech critic went on to say that "the boldest Macintosh model Apple Computer has rolled out since the 1980s." Audiences responded to the product too. After years of Apple's computers languishing in the market share rankings, the iMac was the number one selling personal computer in the quarter that comprised the 1998 holiday season. That was according to PC Data statistics, cited by the New York Times. At the time, the iMac sold for an average price of $1,224. But when it came to the iMac, there was much more to come. Criticism started here too That included criticism for what the iMac lost and in retrospect, this was the start of a recurring trend. Apple drops some hardware features, it is decried for doing so and pronounced doomed, then everyone else drops them too. The New York Times was chiefly positive about the iMac but heavily criticized its lack of a floppy drive -- and the ability to connect a printer. You could buy a $70 adapter or you could wait for Hewlett Packard's newly announced USB printed to ship. "This is a double whammy because there is no way to take a disk from the iMac and use it to print on someone else's machine," the Times cautioned. "Most of the consumers Apple is trying to appeal to live in a world where floppy disks are important." The technology press, which you'd imagine would be more interested in future developments, had some conservative reactions -- and over-reactions. "Apple will never be the great company it could've been," wrote Hiawatha Bray in the Boston Globe in 1998. (Article requires subscription.) "The iMac will only sell to some of the true believers. It's an astonishing lapse from Jobs, who should've learned better. The iMac is clean, elegant, floppy-free and doomed." Usually this kind of criticism quietens down when sales figures are great and the iMac's were spectacular. Reportedly it sold 278,000 sold in its first six weeks, rising to around 800,000 by the end of 1998. According to Jobs biographer Walter Isaacson: "Most notably, 32 percent of the sales went to people who were buying a computer for the first time, and another 12 percent to people who had been using Windows machines. On April 19, 2001, Apple announced that it had shipped its 5 millionth iMac. "Simply put, the iMac has redefined the consumer and education computer," said Jobs at the time. Perhaps unable to resist a nod to original criticisms, he added that the iMac had brought in: several industry firsts including USB, FireWire, desktop movies, wireless networking, quiet fan-less operation and world-class design." Leadership in colors Yet it was design that Apple that was being both praised and mocked for. The original iMac had been available only in what Apple called Bondi blue but that soon changed. In 1999, Jobs announced five new iMacs in the colors blueberry, lime, strawberry, grape and tangerine. In 2000, those were replaced by indigo, ruby, sage, graphite and snow. Then in early 2001, ruby, sage and snow were out and patterns were in -- this was when the Flower Power and Blue Dalmation iMacs were released. There were many technical improvements and updates to the iMac over this time. But, it was the color that Apple concentrated on and it was the color that failed to impress Bill Gates. Speaking a year after all of these colors were introduced, and eight months after the 5 millionth iMac was sold, Gates still trashed Apple in regards to the iMac. He was at a January 2002 gathering of financial analysts in Seattle and spoke to the point of both Apple's success and how it was now producing iMacs in many colors. "The one thing Apple's providing now is leadership in colors," he said. "It won't take long for us to catch up with that, I don't think." Isaacson reports that this comment irked Jobs. "The thing that our competitors are missing is that they think it's about fashion, and they think it's about surface appearance," Jobs said. "They say, We'll slap a little color on this piece of junk computer, and we'll have one, too." Curiously, even as both Jobs and Gates disagreed about this, Apple was in the process of abandoning these colors. In the same month that Gates was mocking color, Jobs unveiled the iMac G4 -- and it was all-white. Desklamp iMac It was also a complete abandonment of the familiar iMac design that had by then lasted nearly four years. Instead of a single bulbous box, the new iMac was like a desk lamp. A flat-panel screen replaced the bulky old CRT monitor and it was attached to a base by an aluminum pivot. "We realized we have the opportunity of the decade to reshape desktop computers," said Jobs. "But there are some problems with this, there are some fatal flaws with this approach and we rejected it." He said that bolting a flat screen on the front meant the screen was no longer flat. He said that contorting the optical drive to fit vertically in the back meant it could no longer work at full speed. "Rather than glom all these things together and ruin them all -- a lower-performance computer and a flat screen that isn't flat any more -- why don't we let each element be true to itself?" asked Jobs. So the flat screen remained flat, and the drives went horizontally into a base. The new iMac G4 sold in three versions from $1,299 for a 700MHz model with CD-RW optical drive and 40GB hard drive. For $1,799, that went to 800MHz plus DVD-R/CD-RW SuperDrive, 60GB storage and Apple Pro Speakers. Opinions varied. "Opinions have varied about whether the new design could be flawed. Some have argued that the machine is too easy to knock over because of its smaller-than-usual base," PC Magazine claimed. "Others have questioned the reliability of the iMacs's neck, which separates its LCD from the base." If you've actually used one, you don't think this is a terribly plausible criticism, and it certainly didn't have any data suggesting that there was a problem at the time. Yet for whatever reason, this iMac wasn't sold for very long. Introducing the chin Despite Jobs's talk of changing desktop computers for the next decade, the desklamp-like iMac lasted only from January 2002 to July 2004. Curiously, that means it was on sale for two years less time than a variation of the old iMac with CRT was. But, if you were looking for a CRT, an evolutionary offshoot of the iMac -- the eMac -- was available until mid-2006. You couldn't buy that if you weren't an education customer at first, but it was ultimately made available at retail. Change was on the wind though. The mainstream iMac was changed in August 2004, and we first saw a design you can still recognize today. That presentation was by Phil Schiller at Apple Expo Paris 2004, while Steve Jobs was on leave for health reasons. "Rather than just the display now floating in the air over your desk, the entire computer floats in the air on an aluminum foot," said Schiller. "It all fits in there, in the world's thinnest desktop computer. I think a lot of people are going to be asking 'where did the computer go?'" That foot and the way the power cable connects through it is identical on today's iMac Pro. While the display and computer were in white plastic, the positioning of the screen gave the iMac its now familiar chin. It also abandoned the idea of separate speakers. Sound was now produced from the underside of the machine and directed to reflect up from your desk. There was no mention of the problems Jobs had referred to with vertically-mounted drives. Instead, Schiller concentrated on the engineering to do with fitting a G5 into this space. He revealed that the new machine started at $1,299 for a 17 inch iMac G5 with 1.6GHZ G5, and 80GB of storage. Schiller also unveiled a $1,499 model with faster processor, but later there was a 20 inch model for $1,899 too. Intel inside The iMac G5 case design survived the next big change in iMac history: the move from PowerPC G5 to Intel processors which happened with the early 2006 model. The Intel iMac then came in a 17 inch for $1,299 and 20 inch for $1,699. Jobs said both models were two to three times faster than the previous G5. Assuming, of course, that you were using native Intel software. Before this white plastic design vanished, though, there was the introduction of a third screen size. A new 24 inch model would be sold for $1,999 up to August 2007. From the front, this design looks the same as the current 2018 model. It's a different matter from the side: this model was really the same as the previous iMac but in aluminum instead of plastic. It came with the same quite thick back that contained all of the drives. There was one more change: Apple now dropped the 17 inch model. From August 2007, there were two flavors of the 20 inch at $1,199 and $1,499 plus the 24 inch which was reduced to $1,799. Then in October 2009, the sizes were revised again to become what we know today: a 21.5 inch model and a 27 inch one. They again were fast and you could now order up to 16GB of RAM. Apart from the addition of Thunderbolt ports in 2011, more improvements to processor speed and a better video chat camera, this was the iMac form from 2007 to 2012. The heart of Apple Phil Schiller said that the iMac: "epitomizes something Apple does so well, to create a breakthrough innovative product and then through the years relentlessly keep updating it with the latest technology to push it as far as the technology allows. We've had seven generations of iMac, each one better than the last." Eight years on from when Schiller claimed people would wonder where the computer had gone, here really was an iMac that looked like it was solely a monitor. It had the same front, the same foot, but the back was slimmed down. Apple did make it seem as if the machine is razor thin where really it has a bulge in the very back. Still, though, it was an impressive design. It was done by Apple going back to what it did with the original iMac and ditching hardware the company didn't believe was needed any more. So, the optical drive was taken out completely and again critics complained -- but other firms followed suit. What you did get in the 21.5 inch model was a 2.7GHz quad-core Intel i5 with 8GB RAM and 1TB hard drive for $1,299. This was also the model that introduced the Fusion Drive, Apple's combination of flash storage and spinning disk. The 27 inch model had the same storage and RAM but came with a faster 2.9GHz quad-core i5 for $1,799. These were released in November 2012 and they lasted until October 2014 when the models finally got the Retina-quality display. Today you can buy the latest versions of these models where the 21.5 inch iMac optionally now comes with an improved Retina 4K display. That will cost you from $1,299. The 27 inch iMac is now only available with a Retina 5K display and still costs from $1,799. The end so far Strictly speaking, that's the end of the iMac, that's every iMac improvement since the very first Bondi blue one in 1998. Except in 2017, Apple introduced the iMac Pro. It was revealed in a sneak peek in June 2017 and went on sale in December. The very same iMac design was revamped with an identically-sized machine that was now in space gray. On the inside, there was an 8-core Xeon processor -- with the option to buy a 10- or 18-core model too. You could have up to 128GB RAM or twice what a regular iMac can do. It would cost you, though. The base model today is $4,999 but if you add every possible option, you can raise that to $13,199. The original iMac in Bondi blue sold for around $1,244 which in today's money is not much more at $1,923. Today's base iMac costs $1,099 and if you reverse the inflation calculation to see what that was in 1998, it's just $710.84. So the raw power of the iMac plus its design, its display and all its specifications have radically improved over the last 20 years yet the price has effectively come down. Unless you buy that top iMac Pro where you could be spending seven times more money. Even if you do, though, the machine you get embodies everything about Apple that the original iMac did. It's an all-in-one model with the latest technology. And, some personality too. In the market for an iMac? Here are the best deals available Those looking to purchase an iMac can instantly save hundreds off MSRP when shopping at Apple authorized resellers. B&H Photo and Adorama are both knocking up to $200 off 27-inch iMac 5Ks, while 21.5-inch iMac HDs start at $949 after cash rebates. Back-to-school shoppers on a budget can also exclusively save up to $1,050 on closeout Late 2015 models with upgraded graphics and additional storage when using this shopping link and promo code APINSIDER. A full list of deals and product availability can of course be found in our Mac Price Guide. https://goo.gl/7KRSdD