#so tempted to lie to him and tell him i'm not the one paying anymore so i can't let him in

[elizabeth-mitchells]

no way my supposed best friend who's ignored me for over 3 months after i thought he died finally messaged me tonight just a few hours after i (for completely unrelated reasons btw) changed my netflix password

[bluntforcefem]

💌 19 (are you tempted / you won't believe) with dec and 10?

19. are you tempted / you won't believe

“so,” declan says, faux-casually, like they're not covered in blood from the waist up and their axe isn't in the neck of a grotesque, false mimicry of a corpse, “what was that?”

10's hands are shaking where they're wrapped around nemesis' hilt. “a botched resurrection.”

“broderick?”

“if i told you it wasn't, you wouldn't believe it.”

declan's head tilts to the side, studying 10 for a long moment. “you wouldn't lie to me.” he hums, noncommittal. declan snorts. there's bile at the back of their throat. “not about this.”

“well. it was.”

“but it didn't work out.”

10's gaze stays pointedly away from the corpse, but does settle on them, one eyebrow raised. declan abandons their axe to not-broderick's neck and carefully pries one of 10's hands off nemesis.

“it hurt him,” he says, finally. he doesn't make any moves to take his hand out of theirs, bloodsoaked as both of theirs are, grime and flesh beneath the nails. “i fucked up.”

“could always try to kill me. test out your resurrection stuff on me instead.” declan shrugs. 10 squints at them. “i make a good test subject!”

“i'm not losing you either.” and that's the end of that. still, they want to make him feel better. they want to help. they want to get his husband back, they want him to be able to be happy again.

declan pulls away. “go get cleaned up,” they tell him, pressing lightness into their voice. “i'm gonna haul the mess outside! you did call me for my muscles, right? all of you, always using me. i have a perfectly good brain, you know!”

10 doesn't laugh, but his mouth twitches.

“and when i get back you can walk me through the process. i'll be your sounding board.”

“fine. you get cleaned up too.”

“just save a washrag for me, i'll wipe it off.”

“you're disgusting,” he says, but he isn't paying attention to the corpse anymore, and he's holding nemesis a little less tightly, and he's willing to walk out of the damn room.

declan smiles, all sunny. “only for you guys!”

[ccaptain]

💭something something mom disappearing? 8]

hmm this will hurt both you and me severely my good friend -- @kanedoji

   for his seventh birthday, his mother tells him that he's ready to explore the world outside of their homeland.

   she gifts him a book with the customs of inazuma, a pretty tome with rigid cover, littered with little amethysts that shimmer. and each shimmer echoes in little kaeya's chest as he devours literature, absorbing the informations like a sponge.

   he hears his father's quiet sigh one day. ' your mother's illness has gotten worse, ' and kaeya stares up at him, tempted to correct him: cursed is the word. there's a price to pay for correcting him, so little kaeya simply nods and walks away, reaching for his book and his mother's chambers swiftly.he reads to her about the beautiful cherry blossoms donning the region, the purification ritual of the sakura tree roots and the various flora and fauna of the place. he sees her faintly smile, a small hand combing through her hair, before she falls unconscious again. he tucks her in, and a servant escorts him out of her quarters.

   this goes on for a few months. kaeya climbs his mother's bed, and reads until she's peacefully soothed to sleep by the familiar voice of her son. however, one night, the little prince feels a sense of dark foreboding, and stays with his mother for much longer than usual.

   the language of inazuma is complicated, made of characters that kaeya still has to memorize fully. as he makes his way towards his mother's rooms for his usual reading session, he can't wait to get a parchment of paper and show her the word he has memorized today. 嘘, a difficult word to reproduce that he mastered in three days of hurting his wrist with the thin brush and crushed ink to write with, as a custom of the region. the word means 'lie', and he will tell his mother all about it. he also learned about the more complicated 嘘つき, that means 'liar'. his wrist doesn't hurt as much anymore, and he can write without wobbling much now.

   but today there'll be no writing, no reading, for when kaeya opens the doors to her chambers, the mother-shaped absence is immediately noticed.

   the absence of her personal effects, too. mismatched eyes roam the empty quarters, and kaeya is still in his horror before a gentle hand on his shoulder, belonging to a servant, leads him away. another one closes the door, never to open it again.

   nobody talks about his mother's absence for a month. the pretty tome collects dust in kaeya's library as he assimilates the news, the implications, and he cannot lay still at night any longer without a trusty knife under his pillow. each time it goes missing as a servant remakes his bed in the morning, he gets another. nobody speaks about it.

   there are a lot of unsaid things, in khaenri'ah.

   kaeya has reached a conclusion. he tells it to no one.

   when his father finally addresses him, it's with an heavy sigh and contrite behavior. ' your mother has been taken in a more qualified place to treat her illness, ' the man explains, looking at his son in the eyes. ' she took a turn for the worse, and we had to rush her in. this is why you weren't notified of it. '

   not an apology, simply an explanation. when kaeya looks at his father square in the eye and focuses, he understand the meaning of 嘘つき. usotsuki. liar.

   so little kaeya hardens, looks down at his bare feet, and says, with a small voice, ' i hope she gets better soon, ' that sounds pitifully sad, and small. even his father can't resist it, an hand over his head to smooth back navy locks. even his father isn't entirely made of ice, which he notes.

   but there's no time to feel pity, for kaeya has hardened himself like the core of a statue and thinks i'm a better liar than you.

   the word 嘘つき never leaves his mind as he refines his newly found ability to snuff out lies like a warrior would hone a blade. it becomes his weapon, along with impressive swordsmanship, his tongue and eye never wielding, never falthering.

   yet…

   there's a reason why the cherry blossom trees now are akin to crooked claws, trying to grasp at him through rose-colored petals. there's a reason why the food in inazuma feels acidid, wrong, why the foxes seem aggressive animals in his eye. there's a reason why old habits resurface, his trusty dagger under the pillow and sleepless nights spent in inns. there's a reason why the distance between mondstadt and the other nation makes him feel trapped, forlorn.

   there's a reason, yes.

   he just never talks about it.

[knockknockchicagopd]

A SERIE WITH HANK VOIGHT. CHAPTER II.

❚❙ WORDS: about 1.1k

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place or something that makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted.

❚❙ GIF credits: to my amazing @sonsofeorl .

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Finishing your day at Molly's is starting to become a habit, sharing some beers with your friends from the police and fire departments, talking about random moments that happened through your shifts working. Much to your regret, you haven't attended to the cop you helped yesterday, being Will the one who has taken care of the revision. And you're not going to lie saying that you haven't been a thousand times about to ask him if that man has commented anything about you, but maybe it would be a blunder. You don't know his name, nor which is his District, and even if you are Antonio's friend, you're not sure if it's a good idea.

The curiosity is killing you, drinking the second shot of tequila of your night, while pretending you are paying attention to the talk between Casey, Severide, Brett, and Cruz, just nodding and smiling once in a while. When the first yawn opens your mouth, you know you have found the perfect excuse to leave. Maybe you could come back to the hospital and try to figure out something about the mysterious man, who sent you flowers. No one does that only because they're thankful for doing your job, and the idea that he knew where you live has been dancing in your head since then.

“Gotta go, guys. I'm shattered”. You hum then, taking the last sip from your beer after leaning close to Matt and place a kiss on his cheek.

“You sure?” He asks frowning, showing you he's not very convinced.

“Yep, no worries. I will walk back home, it's just five minutes”.

“Alright… Hit me up when you arrive”.

“I will”. You reply with a soft grin on your lips, while high-fiving your friends.

Wearing your jacket and grabbing your bag, you wave a hand before leaving the bar a couple of seconds after. The cold of Chicago's nights wraps you as soon as you step outside, putting on the long scarf around your neck and covering slightly your mouth, taking the next corner at the right towards the main avenue. As always, your gaze gets lost traveling all-around your view field, studying every window from every building you walk by; being a good distraction to not think about how far is it to your house.

A notification dinging your phone pushes you back to reality, stopping your legs and grabbing it from a pocket of your jacket. A message from an unknown number. Inevitably, a huge smile curves up your mouth as you unlock it. Biting the center of your bottom lip, while reading the ‘it's too cold to walk’, you can't help but turn around over your feet to focus your eyes over a black Escalade parking on your side of the street. The window downs, revealing your almost secret admirer smirking charmingly at you.

“Need an uber, sweetheart?”

Keeping your phone back in the pocket and taking some steps closer to the car, you shake your head giggling. You weren't expecting it, but it's a nice surprise.

“I don't do bad boys”.

“Huh… And what about…?” You can watch him grabbing something from the belt of his jeans. A Chicago police badge.

“Am I under arrest?”

“If you don't let me drive you home, I will handcuff you delighted”.

“Bet you'd enjoy pretty much…” Squinting at him, you obey at the signal of his head to direct your steps straight to the copilot seat.

Once the belt is secured around your chest and waist, the man joins the empty road in silence. You know you don't need to tell him your address, and you don't even feel curious anymore. You were right he's a cop, he has unlimited resources. You wouldn't mind knowing what he has investigated about you, having too much interest to take you to your house. But soon you discover he may not be a man of words since the road has been in holy silence, looking sideways towards you a couple of times, maybe to be sure you were good.

Arriving in your neighborhood, you unlock the seat belt as he parks his car in front of the building you live in, turning off the noisy engine.

“I… appreciate it”. You whisper puckering your lips. “Thank you, ahm…”

“Voight. Hank Voight”. You notice his tone of voice failing for a brief, brief moment the first time he utters his last name.

“Thank you, Hank Voight”. You nod satisfied by finally knowing his name.

“Got to tell you something, before you leave. I don't do this usually”.

“Do what? Pick up a nurse in the middle of the night?”

Licking his teeth as he places the arm, which should have on a sling, over the wheel, he turns a little to your position.

“Talk about my past”. He just replies, making a short pause after his words. “I had a brush with Casey because of my son when I was running the Gang Unit of Chicago. I went to jail for a year for threatening him and his fiancé. I don't feel proud. We ain't friends now, but we ain't enemies either. Just wanted you to know it”.

The confession takes you by surprise. Matt hasn't talked to you about it before, so maybe he's right and it doesn't have much importance now. But even so, you aren't comfortable about it right now and he feels it. The click of his tongue pushes you out of your thoughts, while the gesture on your face switches suddenly. Hank likes you a little, you aren't going to deny it, but that fact changes everything you were thinking about before he picked you up.

Not sure of what to say, not being able to look at the man next to you, the only thing you do is open the door and step out of it in silence. It's not like you have imagined a life with him, but maybe some dates or something. That guy caught you since the first moment you walked into Will's office, but he wasn't wrong when he told you he isn't a good boy. Looking for your keys inside your bag, you're tempted to turn around and try to understand why he did what he did, but Matt is everything you have in this city; he's more than your housemate. He's your best friend, your ‘brother from another mother’.

Coming inside the building, you hear Hank's car starting to leave after making sure that you're safe. Once in the lift, you text Matt to let him know you are back at home.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Three [PT.2]

Words: 4.2k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse

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It's incredibly quiet and filled with tension as Amber looks at Nikki and I, curiously. 

We haven't been to therapy in over a week. 

Nikki hasn't come back to fucking rehab until yesterday and it took me threatening divorce again. 

"Well," Amber starts, smiling at us. "How was your time together?" 

"Good." We both lie simultaneously and Amber raises her brows. 

"Really?" 

"Yep." Nikki says, flatly. 

"Like we're dating for the first time all over again." I add, unenthusiastically. "Exactly how it was when we first started dating. Just minus the sex." 

Nikki huffs out a breath. 

"Jesus fucking Christ, Vivian--"

"--Don't bring Jesus into this. Jesus isn't anywhere to be found in this situation."

"It was one night, Viv, cut me a goddamn break." 

"I've been cutting you a break for the last six years, Nikki, I'm done cutting people breaks. You need to cut me some respect--"

"--Some respect? After the shit you pulled, are you fucking me right now?" 

"No, I'm not fucking you right now, no more than you've fucked me the entire time you've been home." 

"Oh, my God."

I slowly start being pulled from my sleep when I feel a tickle up the side of my foot, my ankle, up the back of my calf then my thigh, my hip, up my spine...I feel my body jolt awake only to be trapped under someone for a moment. 

"Shh, shh, it's just me." Nikki assures me in a whisper, looming over me. 

"Oh," I mumble, sighing when he kisses my shoulder blade. 

I try to go back to sleep but my eyes force themselves open, and I look over my shoulder. 

"Why the hell aren't you in rehab, Nikki?!" I ask him, sharply, confused. "How the fuck did you even get in here?! How did you even know where I live?!" 

"I checked out for a few days so I could see you." He explains. "And Sharise let me borrow her key and gave me directions. I wanted to surprise you."

"You what?!" 

"Wanted to surprise you?" 

I sit up and he falls beside me, stretching out over the bed. 

"You checked out of rehab?!" 

"I missed you and Tommy and Vince missed their girls so we just decided to check out for a few days and visit and then we're going back Monday...like a four month long weekend." He explains. 

"You can't do that!" 

"It was highly advised against it by our counselors but let us leave." He shrugs. "And you know what? I've been back in L.A. for an hour and I don't feel the itch to go party like I used to. I think rehab's working." He tells me. 

"...You checked out of rehab…to come home...and you're going back?" 

"Yep."

"Just like that?" 

"Just like that." 

"Like you won't be tempted to do anything you're not supposed to do?" 

"I won't be because I'm gonna be with you the whole time." He shrugs. 

"You do realize how arrogant you sound right now, right?" 

"I'm not interested in drugs or anything anymore, Viv. I've gotten past that." He states. 

"Nikki," I start. 

"Don't say it like that." 

"How else am I suppose to say it?" I ask, raising my brows, looking at him, pointedly. 

He just rubs his lips together and smirks. 

"I know a few ways you can say it." He runs his hand up and down the side of my leg and I raise a brow. 

"You left rehab to get your dick wet." I tell him, knocking his hand off of me, laying back down. 

"No, I didn't." He denies. 

"Okay, then go sleep on the couch." I suggest. 

"No." He argues. "I wanna hold you." 

"Oh, please, Nikki, we both know what that turns into." 

"What does it turn into?" He asks, knowingly. 

"You know what it's gonna turn into." I state. 

"Vivian, baby," he slides his hand over my hip bone, squeezing it for a second, making my skin prickle and heat up. 

"Don't, 'baby,' me." I can't bring myself to push his hand away this time, I just turn my back to him. 

It's quiet for a moment and I feel him shift beside me, before his lips press to my bare shoulder, then my jaw, then my temple, and I'm rolling to my back, my lips brushing against his, my fingers going to his soft hair, a smile coming to my lips as I say, "couch," and push him away from me, turning back over to face away from him and snuggling into my covers. 

He mumbles under his breath and grabs the pillow from that side of the bed, leaving me alone. 

After a moment of trying to go to sleep, I can't bring myself to. 

I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 

I pull my blankets off and drag a throw with me as I go to the living room. 

He's taking up the entire couch, and his eyes are closed but I know he's not asleep. 

I crawl on him and he groans, looking at me with furrowed brows.

"Your knee is in my thigh." He grumbles as I try to pull my blanket around myself. 

I just blink down at him. 

"Fine." He winces, sitting up as best as he can, helping me pull the blanket up around my shoulders before he's sliding his hands to my waist and we both lay down. 

I lay my head on his chest and he rubs at my scalp with his fingers. 

"I've missed you, too." I say to him quietly. 

"I know." He replies. "The Sixxter tends to have that effect on chick--ow!" He hisses, tensing up. 

"Oh, sorry, didn't realize your junk was there." I lie, playing off me digging my nails into his crotch was an accident. 

I knew him leaving rehab, even for a few days, posed a threat to his road to recovery. My biggest fear was his dealers hearing he was back. They'd sniff him out and lure him in and I'd lose him again. I couldn't let that happen, and it terrified me to think that it could. But it also made me feel better to see him in a setting that didn't involve stail coffee, therapists, and other recovery patients near by. There wasn't any privacy in rehab--not that we really needed any.

The next morning I'm waking up to the smell of food, good food. Being that I burn most anything I try to cook now (I blame my pregnancy brain), it's nice to be able to smell breakfast without the heavy blanket of charr attached to it. 

I stretch where I've been left on the couch under the fluffy blanket I brought in last night, sitting up and pulling it off of me before going to the bathroom and making myself look somewhat presentable with a toothbrush and a hair brush, hoping and praying that whatever he's cooking up doesn't make me sick. 

I get in the kitchen and see him in front of the stove, and I wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek to his shoulder blade, and I feel him rub at my arms that are tightly around him, chuckling. 

"Good morning," he says, looking at me over his shoulder. 

I stand on my toes and kiss his cheek. 

"Good morning." I reply, pulling away, grabbing a glass and getting some water. 

I take advantage of him not paying attention to examine any changes. 

I noticed the other day he'd been working out. I see now exactly how much alcohol bloat he's lost, and how much muscle he's built back up. 

His hair and skin even looks healthier, he's gotten his "glow" back to his once pale, sallow looking appearance. 

I reign in my hormones, chugging my water and getting another glass full. 

When he turns around to get the sausage out of the pan and onto a plate, I eye his crotch area, seeing that he's obviously not wearing underwear under his shorts and I'd be lying if I said I don't stare.

"I hope you still like sausage." He comments, oblivious to my eyes on his goods, not even looking in my direction, too busy with trying to get breakfast done. 

"Oh, I do." I comment, taking another few gulps of water, letting my eyes trail down his thighs for a moment. 

Sweet Jesus. 

He is certainly fearfully and wonderfully made. 

"Ahem," he clears his throat and I flick my gaze to his face. 

I've been caught. 

"Whatcha looking at?" He asks me and I shake my head a little. 

"I like those shorts." I lie, shrugging it off. 

"Mmhmm." He doesn't buy it for a second. 

"I do!" I defend myself. 

"I'm sure it's the shorts you like." He comments. 

"Well...I like what's inside the shorts." I blatantly correct myself and he squeezes his eyes closed and laughs. 

"Welcome home, Nikki." He says to himself and I finish my water as he turns the stove off. "It's ready if you wanna make a plate." He offers. 

"Maybe we should give it a few minutes to cool off." I suggest, slowly getting closer to him. 

"Um, I think it's okay." He brushes it off, shrugging, not paying attention. 

"I think we should let it cool off." I state again, my fingers teasing at the top of his shorts, and he looks at me. 

"Get away from me, you freak." He laughs out, shooing my hands off of him.

"Oh, I'm the freak?" 

"You were trying to blow me before therapy the other day and now you're trying to get it in while I'm trying to eat." He points out, still laughing. "I know I'm a lot to handle but just chill out." He smiles, raising his brows. 

"I don't know if you're being serious right now or not." 

"I'm being serious." He points at me. "Now get a plate and let's eat." He adds. 

"You don't want to mess around?" 

"I didn't say that." He states.

"Okay, then food can wait, c'mon," I grab his hand and try to tug him out of the kitchen.  

"Viv," he says as I plant my feet on the floor and use both hands to try to tug at him, my socks sliding against the tile but I try my hardest to get him to move. 

He waits patiently before I'm falling on my ass after slipping, still holding his hand, letting out a breath. 

I let his hand go and lay on the floor, groaning. 

"Are you done?" He asks me, raising a brow. 

"I'm horny." I say it flatly, staring at the ceiling. 

"I can see that." He says, looking between my legs where I feel a wet spot in my panties. 

Great. 

"Nikki, you're being difficult." 

"How?" 

"I wanna fool around, you wanna fool around, we should just fool around. But you don't want to, even though you just said you do." 

"Viv--"

"I haven't gotten thrown around and fucked into a coma in over six months." I blurt, crossing my arms, looking up at him from my place on the floor. 

"...He couldn't scratch that itch after all, huh?" He asks, amused, smirking, and I cut my eyes at him. 

"Because he has morals." I reply. 

"Interesting." He replies. 

We sit in silence for a second, and he nudges me with his foot. 

"Are you gonna survive without jumping my bones?" He asks and I sigh, sitting up. 

"I guess." 

He helps me up and we get our food and sit on the couch while we watch cartoons and eat. 

I notice him staring at me every once in awhile, but I don't pay any attention to him. 

My feelings are hurt, as childish as that sounds. 

It usually doesn't take much to get Nikki into bed, and he's always been up for it whenever I hinted at anything...or blatantly told him I was horny. 

But now things are different. 

A part of me thinks its because he sat down and really thought about the fact I cheated on him.

Maybe that makes me disgusting in his eyes. 

Maybe it's because I'm pregnant--even though I'm only starting to show. 

Maybe it's because I'm pregnant with the dude's baby that I cheated on him with. 

I can see that ruining his libido. 

I just try not to pay much attention to it, but it's nagging me slowly. 

After I finish eating I'm taking my empty plate to the kitchen and heading to my bedroom. 

"Where you going?" He asks me as he puts his plate in the sink, too. 

"Back to bed." I tell him. "I'm really sleepy." 

"Oh," He replies, not looking all that convinced.

"See you when I wake up." I add.

"Yeah, I'll see you then." He says back. 

I shut the door and crawl into bed, wiping the growing tears from my eyes before they even hit my cheeks. 

I wake up a little later and stretch out, hearing the shower running in my bathroom. 

I just lay in bed for a few minutes until I hear it turn off and in a couple minutes, he's coming in the room with a towel wrapped around him, his hair wet.  

He notices I'm awake and grins, coming over to the bed. 

"Hey," he leans over me, pecking me on the lips. 

"Hey." I reply, my voice still tired, his hand running over my side. "What time is it?" 

"Like, one o'clock, maybe," he replies, about to move away from me. 

"Wait, c'mere," I grab his hand and he furrows his brows. 

"What is it?" He asks me.

I don't say anything, just looking at him, and he chuckles. 

He reads my mind and leans down, lips catching mine before his tongue slips into my mouth. 

I softly hum, my hand going to his hair, his hand fumbling through the covers to find my hip and dig his fingers into it. 

My hands soon go to his towel, about to tug it off but he pulls away and catches his breath. 

"I'm gonna go get some clothes on and head to the store to get some things for dinner tonight...you want anything?"  

Yeah. Sex with my husband. 

"No, thanks." I reply, calmly. 

"Alright, I'll see you later." He kisses me one last time and leaves the room and I rub my hands over my face.

"There's nothing to get so pissed off about, Vivian, it's not a big deal." 

"For once in his life Nikki Sixx doesn't want to hump something, even when his own wife tries to start something, so yeah, to me it is a big deal." I argue. 

"No, it's not, it's not that serious." 

"Do you not understand what it's like to be pregnant and hormonal and just wanting to have a good time with the person you love and they don't want anything to do with it?"

"Oh, c'mon, Vivian. Me not wanting to have sex with you doesn't have anything to do with you in particular." 

"Pretty sure it does since you've had no problem screwing other women behind my back when I couldn't do a good enough job." I throw at him. 

"Woah, woah, woah, that was fucking months ago, Vivian, and I was fucked up and sick." He snaps. "And it wasn't because you couldn't do a good enough job, it was because you wouldn't even try to do a job at all. You'd just lay there and be uninterested, like you were just waiting for me to get the fuck off of you. Matter of fact, I distinctly remember you actually saying, 'are you finished yet? I'm getting sleepy.' And I get that you were depressed and in a funk but shit like that happened multiple times, sometimes for weeks, over the course of our marriage. You know how that made me feel, thinking I couldn't even please my own wife?" 

"Oh, God, Nikki, I can't even imagine that pain. Thinking, 'why am I not good enough? Why am I not attractive to my spouse? Why am I not still desired'," I start, sarcastically. "Oh, shit, actually, yeah. Yeah, I fucking can imagine it because I tortured myself with the same questions anytime you chose going out with your buddies over a night in with me, anytime you chose hiding in your closet with drugs over coming to bed, and not to mention the time, gee, I don't know--I found out you had a mistress, who I was friends with, that you would fuck in our house!" 

"Think you got pretty even with me on that being that I found a couple used condoms  that didn't belong to me, under our bed!"

"That can't possibly be my fault being that me and him never used condoms!" 

"You don't fucking say!" He motions to my stomach.

"Fuck this." I state, harshly, standing up and grabbing my purse. 

"Vivian," Amber starts. 

"No. No. No. Fuck you, fuck him, fuck this. I'm fucking done. We tried rehab, we tried therapy, obviously it's not working or he wouldn't have come home and fallen off the wagon!" 

"Ever considered maybe I fell off the wagon so early on because you kept nagging me for days on end?!" He stands up. 

"You didn't want anything to do with me fucking sober, but as soon as you were under the influence of something, I'm suddenly so fucking beautiful and you're wanting to 'fuck the shit outta me'?! Do you not realize how fucked it is that you only want me when you're fucking on something?!"

The next few days consists of me being unable to keep my...urges...barely at bay, all while Nikki has no problem ignoring my hints--more so blunt statements at times--that I'm in the mood. 

He just laughs it off or teases me about it or pretends he doesn't know altogether. 

I just do what I've been doing: being my own lover. 

But there's just some things he can do to me that I can't and it's hard to accept that reality. 

I raise my brows when I peek my head into my bathroom, seeing Nikki fixing his hair, only wearing boxers. 

"Where you getting dolled up to go?" I ask, crossing my arms. 

"Me and Tommy are going out." He tells me and I raise my brows. 

"Oh." I reply, rubbing my lips together. 

I don't know how to tell him I'm having my surgery tomorrow to have my uterine abnormality taken care of...I've been meaning to tell him but just can't. 

I was hoping he'd still be in rehab and wouldn't even really have to know I got it done until later. 

I don't want him to worry. 

"You wanna come with us?" He asks next, grinning at me in the mirror. 

I don't know if that's a good idea." I mumble, that article written about that open letter from those anonymous roadies flashing through my mind. 

"C'mon, baby, it'll be fun."

"I don't feel good enough to go out on the town right now." I admit. "What are you guys gonna do while you're out?" 

"Probably go to the Tropicana or something." He shrugs and I raise my brows. 

"...Oh." 

"Like I said, Viv, you can come with us." He turns and looks down at me and I just smile as best as I can and shake my head. 

"No, I'm okay." I assure him. 

He looks a little disappointed but brushes it off, leaning down and kissing me, wrapping his arms around my waist, his hands smoothing over my ass, and I giggle as he pulls me up to snake my legs around him, kissing my cheek and my neck before hugging me to him, making me squeeze him to me tightly. 

"I love you, Nikki." I tell him, closing my eyes. "I really do."

"I know, Viv." He says back. "I love you more."

"And like always, it's Vivian's fault Nikki's a fucking addict! It's Vivian's fault Nikki's drinking so much! It's Vivian's fault Nikki's so unbearable to be around! It's all that slut's fault because she's a fucking crazy snake-cunt, she-satan that steals, kills, and destroys, and he's left with no choice but to try to numb himself to get outta her grasp!  It's all her fucking fault, even when she's pregnant!" 

I storm out and slam the door behind me, stomping down the hall. 

"Vivian Sixx, don't you fucking walk away from me!" He shouts after me, following me. 

"Vivian Kinston! I don't wanna be a fucking Sixx anymore--I don't wanna be associated with you, you fucked up prick!" I scream back. "Matter of fact, I'm glad I didn't have any of those goddamn kids of your's or else I'd be fucking answering to you the rest of my fucking life!" 

I wake up when I hear the front door open, my eyes shifting to my clock. 

2:00a.m. 

"Fuck," I hear him whisper to himself, dragging his feet to the kitchen…

The sink turns on, a cabinet slams open, a glass shatters on the floor. 

"Fuck." He repeats, cutting the sink off. 

I furrow my brows and sit up in the bed, slowly slipping off the mattress, tip-toeing out to see what he's up to.

"Nikki?" 

"Do you--do you have a broom?" He asks in a slur, motioning to the broken glass on the floor. 

"Yeah, I do." I tell him. 

"Okay, I um, I…" he trails off, eyes on me, drifting down my bare legs, holding his gaze on my lace panties. "...I need it." He finishes, hand reaching down to readjust himself. 

"Have you been drinking?" I ask him, leaning against the doorway.

"A couple shots, nothing I couldn't handle." He replies, walking closer to me. "Something else I can handle, too." He says more so to himself and I take in a breath when his hands grasp at my hips. 

"You smell like tequila." I tell him. 

"It was just a couple drinks." He insists, leaning down, pressing his lips to mine. 

"Just a couple?" I ask when I pull away, and he nods, pulling me back to him, kissing me again, our tongues meeting. 

His hands are tugging at my tank top, pulling it over my head. 

"You're so beautiful." He tells me, licking up my neck and I let out a soft sigh, running my hands down his back, tears in my eyes…

I close my eyes and my mind flashes back. All those times he'd come in drunk or high or both...either telling me how wonderful I am, or wanting to fight…

"Nikki, wait," I force myself to pull away from him as he trails kisses over my breast. 

"What is it?" He asks me, trying to get me close again. 

"You're drunk, Nikki, alright? I don't want to do anything while you're like this." I admit and he just stares at me. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You're drunk. I don't want you to--"

"--You bitch at me all fucking week about your fucking sexual frustration but as soon as I wanna piece of ass you're suddenly too good for me?" 

"Nikki, you're drunk." I state. "I'm not too good for you, but I'm not just gonna be the cumrag you get off on and pass out in a drunken stupor." 

"You never complained about it before." He states. "All the other times you were on your knees with your mouth wide open begging me for it like a cock-starved whore." He adds. 

"That was before. You aren't even supposed to be drunk, Nikki." I sneer. 

"Well, I am,Vivian, you wanna fucking crucify me over it? Huh?!" 

"All of your hard work the past weeks...gone." I remind him. 

"Fuck off." He shoves past me. "If you're not gonna give me any pussy--"

"--Maybe I would if you were sober, asshole, ever consider that?" I snap. 

"I wanna fuck the shit out of you, I've considered that." He states and I feel my face heat up. 

"You're being a pig, right now." I ignore him, turning to go back to bed, pissed and tired. 

"C'mon, baby," he complains from outside my locked door and I roll my eyes. "Baby, seriously, can't we talk about this?" He asks next. "Baby!" He calls. 

I open the door and bitterly mock his voice, "'oh, baby, I'm so sorry, oh, baby, you're so beautiful, oh, baby, just gimme a blow job and it'll completely wipe away the fact that I'm a fucking drunk, ridiculous, asshole, oh, baby, baby, baby, baby'!" I slam the door back in his face. 

"...Well, I never said I was fucking sorry!" He says next. 

"Fuck off, Nikki!"

He snatches me by my wrist, and I see him raise his fist from the corner of my eye as I turn to face him, and I tense up and expect him to hit me but his fist collides with the wall by my head, my hand coming up to my mouth to keep from being too loud in my hysteria, tears rolling down my cheeks as he gives three solid punches to the painted cement bricks. 

He's crying, too, and his hand loosening around my wrist, his face red, his body shaking as he lets out a pained noise and heaves out breaths, his eyes closed.

[fuckinuchihas]

For the "your love story" game

Kuroo (obviously) for crush, I love the makes a (secret) bet but they fall for real trope. (I love me some angst to fluff), she/her pronouns, I'm an ISFP-T, long (like halfway down my back length and I'm about 5'6 I think) brown to blonde ombre hair, blue eyes, Caucasian. I really like the cold and the rain and think kisses in the rain after being chased after an argument or something are super sweet and romantic. I love the fall (especially the way the leaves look and how it smells) and the winter. I like cupcakes and Halloween is my favorite holiday.

Okay my precious 🥺 anon...so very few of these character details were mentioned and I’m sorry if you don’t feel it was personal enough but I really tried and I think (hope) you’ll love it anyway. Ilysm

Your Love Story with Kuroo Tetsuro!

“Oh I bet you won’t,” were the words that would forever haunt him.

“Hey there, kitten,” Kuroo teased, gently brushing a stray lock of hair over your shoulder.

“Wh-what do you think you’re doing?” you ask, looking at him as if his head had grown three sizes.

“What? Can’t a guy just say hi to a cute girl on their way to the library?” he asks, and your eyes narrow in suspicion.

You don’t know what to do with that so you do nothing and just continue on your walk.

“So anything in particular you’re looking for today?” he asks, his fingertips trailing over the titles of the stack of books in your arm. “I could carry those for you if you like.”

“N-no,” you say, shaking your head awkwardly. Why is the hot volleyball captain talking to you again? You think to yourself but because you’re curious you don’t shut it down. Maybe partially that and also maybe you’re too nervous to actually ask for more information so the easiest route seems to be what’s best.

He doesn’t talk again until you get to the library and he actually looks...nervous? No that can’t be right but there’s a hesitance as you reach the door.

It seems to fade away and he moves closer into your space and you instinctively back away.

“Whaddya say you grab coffee with me sometime?” he asks, and you look around to see if anyone is watching, recording, something because it feels incredibly strange that you’re being cornered by one of the most popular guys on campus and he’s asking you out?

“No,” you say again, because you’re not really sure what’s going on but it can’t be good.

He visibly flinches and backs away and for a moment you feel guilt trickle down your spine.

He nods at you and starts to back away but you’re curious so you stop him with a single word. “Why?”

He shrugs, “I think you’re cool…”

“Okay,” you say, before you can stop yourself and the smile he gives you is bright enough to warm your heart.

★・・・・・★・・・・・★・・・・・★

“A CLOWN CAR?” you gasp in surprise. “Kuroo where the heck am I supposed to find a clown car in the middle of town?”

“I guess you’ll just have to look for one,” he says with a casual shrug.

‘I swear, if I can’t finish this list I will murder you,” you lie, it’s already been one of the most amazing days you’ve ever had and you want nothing more than to finish out the game and give him a huge kiss to his cheek.

It’s your third date and he’s arranged a Scavenger Hunt just for the two of you. It’s by far one of the most awesome things you’ve ever participated in and you absolutely love the adventurous feeling that makes your heart race whenever you find a new item.

“I may have an inside source if you’re interested,” he says with a raised brow and you feel yourself flush.

“No, that’s cheating…” you say, and he nods in agreement.

But then when you’re still looking twenty minutes later, he nonchalantly mentions that Lev has plans to go to the circus in a suburb of your city and you visibly deflate with relief.

So maybe it’s cheating...but since the tip came from the creator of said, game you think maybe it’s okay.

“I could kiss you!” you squeal, not even thinking about the connotations.

“Well what’s stopping you?” he asks, leaning down in and overdramatically puckering his lips.

You shove his shoulder until he’s a little further away and try to hide the heat on your neck and cheeks.

“Stop that, we’ve got a clown car to find!”

★・・・・・★・・・・・★・・・・・★

“Dude, have you kissed her yet? I’m not waiting another three weeks. If you don’t make a move soon I’m just going to steal your jacket and you’ll have to do what I say then!” Lev said, a sly grin on his lips.

“First, my jacket wouldn’t fit over your gigantic shoulders, but more importantly, it’s not something you can rush,” Kuroo said. “A lady needs to be romanced.”

Tears trickle onto your cheeks.

A bet...you were just a bet to him…

“Oh hey, you’re here too! Look Kuroo they’re here too!” Lev says, waving to you with a big smile.

Kuroo turns and you see his eyes widen just a little and that’s it. You aren’t frozen anymore and you take off toward the door moving as quickly as you possibly can.

The rain hits you the second you’re out the door but you ignore it, you’re not going back for your umbrella, not when he’s there.

Of course, of course you were a bet.

Why did you honestly believe anything differently?

He’s one of the most popular guys on campus and what are you? You’re a giant nerd that gets excited by things like scavenger hunts and science puns.

Fuck.

It hurts.

It’s only been a few weeks but you really did let yourself fall.

Idiot.

You hear him calling your name but you can’t respond, not and risk the chance of him seeing your tears under the rain. You won’t give him the satisfaction to know he got to you, you can’t...if you show weakness he wins.

He wins.

It's a battle.

It was never love.

It’s a war.

You don’t know if it’s just your feelings taking over or if you’ve just had a mental break but you stop. The cold rain pouring over your skin and clothes, you feel it’s icy breath inside your lungs and you turn to him and force a smile.

You walk closer.

He tries to cover you with an umbrella but you pay it no mind.

You step into his space and you wrap a hand to the back of his neck and you pull him in.

You kiss him with everything you have. Every bit of love, pain and pleasure you’ve felt these last three weeks. You feel him start to pull away but then he leans in and he kisses you back and you bite at his lips, tasting the salt of your tears. When you pull away you can feel your own heart shatter in your chest.

“Job well done, Captain.” you say, before turning around and walking away leaving a frozen Tetsuro behind you.

“You feel the rain pouring down on you again and it feels right, because somehow it would have been so much worse if the world around you seemed brighter or happier when there was a gaping hole in your chest.

★・・・・・★・・・・・★・・・・・★

“Just give me five minutes,” he says, in a rush to catch up to you.

It’s the first time you’ve forced yourself out of the house in three days and of course you just had to run into the one person you didn’t want to see.

How many fucking people are in this town anyway? 3?

‘Sure,” you say, turning to him with a blank expression. “Say whatever it is you need to say, Kuroo. So I can get my shit done without a shadow.”

“I-I didn’t really expect you to do it…”

“I don’t have all day, so talk.”

Your name leaves his lips and if you were weaker, you’d focus on the way it sounds broken or the way his eyes go soft and sad when he says it.

But you’re not.

This is war and you plan to win.

“I’m so sorry, please you heard all the wrong parts of that conversation…”

The nerve of this guy.

“Okay, and the right parts were what exactly?”

Kuroo seems nervous as he rubs a hand awkwardly on the back of his neck.

“I uh, the bet was not really about being captain or anything it-the guys wanted to give me a push to um, to make a move on you.”

“Okay, is that it?” you say, blinking at him trying to remain unphased.

“I-um, no?”

“Then what is it, Kuroo? What? You were nice to me for a few weeks and I was nice back and suddenly you give a shit about my feelings now?’ you say, shaking your head at him. “You should have thought about that when you accepted a bet that meant playing with someone’s feelings as if they were just a toy.”

“What? What do you mean? Kit-”

“Don’t. Don’t say that word to me not ever again,” you say, coldly gritting your teeth together. “You got your kiss Captain, and you’ve explained. We’re done here.”

It’s your name breaking on his lips that pierces through your chest like a knife.

“I love you-” he says, his hand gently wrapping around your wrist to keep you in place.

You almost give in...it’s so fucking tempting. He’s gorgeous, and funny and that smirk is a weapon you weren’t prepared for and seeing him vulnerable like this, it’s not fun and it doesn’t warm your heart at all.

“So you took a bet and then you fell for me and now I’m what? I’m just supposed to say, oooh okay Kuroo I love you too, let’s be together forever?” you ask with the most ridiculously fake enthusiasm you can muster.

He looks like he’s about to say something sarcastic, just a teasing remark. Something that would have settled you before, but now would be like a piece of barbed wire digging into the pits of your stomach.

“You’re the one that took that bet, Kuroo but I’m the one who lost.”

★・・・・・★・・・・・★・・・・・★

Two months go by.

Well...57 days.

Every day there’s a yellow gerber daisy under the wiper blade of your car.

Every day it hurts.

You’re just about to tell him to cut it out so you can move on when a familiar figure approaches you.

“So uh, look I’m not trying to bother you or anything. And if you want me to go away I will just-I want you to know that I messed up talking about that stuff but Kuroo says that’s okay because you deserved to know...but also like he’s sad all the time now and I don’t think I can fix it…’

“Lev, I appreciate the effort but-”

“No no, listen. He’s never umm… don’t tell anyone but Kuroo’s never really dated before. I know, he seems like a cocky asshole...he is a cocky asshole actually, one time he made me-”

“LEV!” you say, unable to listen to his rambling for much longer, as much as you did kind of did think his puppy dog personality was adorable.

“Anyway, that’s not important right now. He just-he’s liked you for a long time so the guys were teasing him, just little stuff y’know and Yaku said it was time for him to make a move on you because he uh-he’d wasted too long at the sidelines. So then I said if he didn’t get you to kiss him I’d steal his place as team captain. It wasn’t even really a bet, but the guys backed me up just because they knew nothing would be worse to Kuroo than letting me be captain, even for one game.”

“While I appreciate the...story I have other things to do. Could you please ask him to stop with this?” you say, pointing at the flower still sitting on top of your car.

“BUT HE LOVES YOU!” Lev says, with all the power of his nearly seven feet tall frame.

“I know,” you say.

“AND YOU LOVE HIM!”

The words hit differently than you expect and instead of pain or glass shuddering it’s sunshine and warmth and butterflies. It’s the way he smiled at you as you tried for the third time to get a picture of that sheep that wouldn’t stay still. It’s the soft way he wiped your face with a napkin after he bumped into you making the whipped cream from your dessert splash on your nose. It was dozens of small moments just like this that screamed. “YES I LOVE HIM”

“It’s too lat-”

“It’s not, you can have him, he can have you, you guys can be happy. Just-Just tell him you love him too.”

“I-” you don’t know what to say to that because that hole you’ve had in your chest, the emptiness...a single thought of him could patch it up in an instant.

“Lev? What are you doing here!”

His tone was sharp and cutting as he tried to drag his friend away but before you could stop yourself you rushed forward and wrapped your arms around his back.

Kuroo froze, you held tighter.

“It’s not war,” you say quietly into the soft fabric of his jacket.

He just stands there, seemingly too nervous to turn around and face you.

‘It’s not war, Kuroo...you messed up but it’s still love. It can still be love.”

Slowly he drops his grip on Lev’s shoulder and he turns to face you.

“I-” he swallows visibly. “What does that mean exactly?”

“It means I’m still upset by what you did but I love you and I’m not going to make myself miserable over it anymore. You can make it up to me...if you um, if you still want to I mean,” you say, the nervous flutters in your belly coming back in an instant.

“YES! YES! JESUS FUC-YES,” he says, pulling you to his chest as if he’s terrified you’re going to disappear.

“Kuroo you’re such a nerd...wait til the rest of the guys hear about this,” Lev says, grinning like a smug calico.

“Lev,” you say, and he turns to you with that same grin. “If you so much as think about this moment ever again you’ll be wishing I’d just killed you.”

His eyes went wide and he slowly backed away from the two of you.

“You-you’re just as bad as him!”

Kuroo smiles down at you, his eyes are a bit glassy but you don't mention it.

“That’s my girl.”

★・・・・・★・・・・・★・・・・・★

MASTERLIST

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Hey Rio: Sorry for dashing like I saw a bill earlier Rio: Stupid drama called Buster: Whatever Buster: Can't be hanging with you all day anyway Buster: Got my own shit to do Rio: 'Course Rio: Just in case you thought anything real mad was going down, like Rio: I'm good Buster: Looked like you were determined to handle it, babe Rio: Needs must, you know Rio: won't bore you with a long story Buster: Yeah Buster: Long story or boring story? Rio: Ha, both Rio: Out here trying to change the narrative but Buster: If he's still being a cunt you can tell me Buster: I'll sort it easy Rio: Oh no Rio: That's already the issue lowkey Rio: one of my lovelier exes been giving him grief Rio: how that's my problem now is a little beyond me but that's the joys init Buster: Well I'll sort him then Buster: Who is it? Rio: Don't think you ever had the pleasure Rio: Timelines didn't cross, I guess Rio: I can handle it, all good Buster: I can have it now, no greater pleasure than knocking him out, like Buster: So can I Rio: Yeah, know you love a scrap, McKenna Rio: Not a big deal, he's just a twat, like all my exes, yeah? Buster: You said it Rio: 😂 Rio: Exes for a reason, babe Rio: doing something wrong if you've got loads of good ones Buster: Doing something wrong if you've got any, I reckon Buster: You girls always gotta label shit Rio: Nah Rio: just a timescale thing, init Rio: don't blame us if you can't sustain shit Buster: I blame them that they don't make me wanna Buster: Ain't my fault if they're only worth the night Buster: I'm always bringing my best Rio: Oh, babe Rio: Now I'm feeling bad for you Rio: how'd you manage that Buster: Shut up Rio: What Rio: I'm serious Buster: Distract yourself from your own drama however you want but leave me out Buster: I'm not looking for a pity party Rio: Not throwing one Buster: Don't say shit like that to me then Buster: I'm all good Rio: Alright, alright Rio: I'm just questioning what they're bringing if you're really that uninterested, that's all Buster: Trying to scope out the competition, is it Buster: Makes sense Rio: Please 🙄 Buster: I would've, but you left Buster: Gotta please yourself now, babe Rio: You're lucky I left when I did Rio: only so many casualties a girl can cause in a day Rio: well, it's sorted now so Buster: Like I'm scared of any of your exes Buster: Don't be stupid Rio: Not what I meant actually, so calm down the 💪 Rio: don't know how much more your 💔 could stand, babe Buster: You reckon you can hurt me? Buster: Don't make me laugh Rio: Easy Buster: Try me Rio: Some other time Rio: so busy rn, yeah boy? Buster: About as busy as you are scared, yeah Rio: Why lie about having your own shit then, babe? Rio: Was I meant to be gutted, awh Buster: I ain't Buster: I'm well busy and you're well scared Rio: Ha Rio: No Buster: Which part is hard to believe? Buster: 'Cause trust me Rio: I'm sure, McKenna Rio: so, what boring delights await you tonight then? Buster: She's here now if you wanna say hi Rio: You're alright Rio: had a day of letting my own down gently, never mind dealing with yours for you Buster: I wasn't asking Buster: I can handle my own Buster: She's enjoying that you've got jokes, is all Buster: Agrees that you're shit scared like Rio: Now I know she ain't real, like 😂 Buster: [sends selfie with girl] Buster: there's some fakeness on her for sure, but I ain't mad Rio: Eurgh, put it away Rio: Honestly Buster: What are you doing tonight then? Buster: Wow me Rio: Night's still young over here Rio: even if you in bed Rio: see where it takes me Buster: Please, I'm not a fucking amateur Buster: Got a whole house to play with Rio: Then hadn't you better get back to it? Buster: Probably Rio: Charming as ever Buster: No complaints yet Buster: Come over and join us if you're still close by Buster: See for yourself Rio: Hmm, think we'd both be passing if she knew we were cousins, like Rio: Save you explaining that one Buster: Not gonna tell her, am I Buster: She's not here to talk Rio: Just you, like Buster: 😂 Buster: You started it, babe Buster: I'm just being a hero how you like, making sure you're okay Rio: You on something good if you cocky enough to reckon you know how I like it, babe Rio: I'm all good, that's been said Buster: You're full of shit if you reckon I don't Rio: It's all just playin' Buster: Don't have to be Rio: True Rio: Shame you got other plans then, ain't it Buster: Make me a better offer Rio: Me, bitch Rio: I am the better offer and you know it Buster: Tell me where I can find you and we'll see Rio: Finish what you started Rio: Damn, so spoilt rich boy Buster: Finish what you started Rio: Touche Rio: though, don't think we can put it all on me Buster: I think you'll want it all when it comes down to it though, babe Rio: Just think? Rio: Unusual for you Buster: Trying not to scare you off again like Buster: Lot to handle, you know Rio: Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you that wasn't about you Buster: When you believe it, maybe I will Buster: Or you can just tell me what it was about and I'll shut up Rio: Tempting Rio: you are fucking infuriating Rio: I told you, ex drama Rio: didn't know you wanted the juicy details Buster: What the fuck's so special about him? Buster: You don't get rattled that way Rio: He ain't Rio: it's Rio: he's just a bit mental Buster: Has he hurt you? Buster: Seriously Rio: What? Nah Rio: He ain't here, back in the 24 ain't he Buster: Tell me what his fucking deal is, Rio. I'm not playing now Rio: Everything always sounds more dramatic when you try and explain Rio: It's sorted Buster: Not by me Buster: Just tell me Rio: Wouldn't know where to begin, babe Rio: was ages ago, he just gets mouthy sometimes when he's on one Rio: awkward when he comes at my next ex instead of me, like, that's all Buster: Not anymore he won't be. I'll shut him up for you Rio: Don't Rio: Seriously, it'll make everything worse Buster: Do you still love him or what? Rio: Fuck no Rio: just trust me, you don't want the aggro Buster: Like I said, give a shit Buster: Just tell me what you mean, worse than what, babe Rio: I don't know he just Rio: he's always there, whatever he's saying Rio: though we broke up nearly a year ago Buster: So he's a fucking stalker, yeah? Rio: Well, I don't know if we'd go that hard Buster: Rio Buster: Come on Rio: What? I don't wanna be dramatic about it Buster: Why the fuck not? Buster: He is Buster: And if I'm gonna kill the cunt I wanna know what for Rio: You aren't, let's get that straight Rio: it's not like he's a creepy stranger in the bushes, or whatever Rio: I did go out with him Rio: he just Rio: ain't moving on, idk Buster: A year ago Buster: And it ain't me you're scared of, is it? Rio: No Buster: So I'm just gonna scare him too, yeah Buster: And you're not gonna stop me Rio: No, Buster Rio: Please Buster: I can make this better for you, okay Buster: Just let me Rio: Or worse, like Rio: and for yourself Rio: it ain't like I don't appreciate the offer, or that I don't wish you could but Buster: You can trust me Buster: I ain't that stupid Buster: I'm not just gonna walk up to him on a busy street, like Rio: It ain't like you can kill him Rio: he'll just go back to it, trust me Buster: Not if I break both his hands Buster: Can't text you then, can he Rio: Be serious Buster: I am Rio: Alright, start thinking clearer then Rio: this is why I didn't want to tell you, there's nothing you can do Buster: There's always something Buster: What's his price for leaving you alone? We can find out Rio: That's silly Rio: how are you enforcing that Rio: can't force a guarantee from a scumbag, like Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know Rio: Forget about it though Buster: No Buster: But I'll have better ideas Rio: Alright, by the time we've vetoed all those, he'll probably be bored Buster: Fuck off Rio: Done Buster: Too easy, babe Buster: Give me a challenge Rio: That wasn't enough of one, like Buster: Nah Rio: Damn Rio: like punishment that much I know some people you could pay Buster: 😂 Buster: Bet you do Rio: Duh Rio: your neck of the woods is prime location for punters Rio: pass on your deets Rio: even be favourable, like, welcome Buster: That why you're still here, yeah? Rio: To get you hooked up with someone you wanna 'round 2 Rio: or to punish posh boys Rio: both works for me, like Buster: You could've already got option 1 done if you hadn't done a vanishing act instead Buster: Think on next time Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah? Rio: How drunk are you right now? Buster: I ain't even, babe Buster: Good to go, honest Rio: Hmm okay then Buster: Do you wanna get a drink? We can Rio: You bringing your friend or planning to let her have free run of your gaff? Buster: If you want me to tell her to go then she's gone Rio: Nah, you don't need to Rio: just let me know when you're out, yeah? Buster: 'Course

[inquisitorananilavellan]

Journal Entry #1: The Beginning

It seems I lost my old journal in the fade, so Cassandra gave me this new one. I would say that was kind of her, but I think she only did it because my constant pouting irritated her.

"You lost your journal in the fade??" You may ask, person who isn't supposed to be reading this? Well well, that's quite the story. Where to start...

I woke up in a dungeon. That's new, never happened before. Kind of exciting.

I was interrogated for something I had no knowledge of...

Well, maybe that isn't completely true. I have these... blurry memories. I awoke in the fade, with what appeared to be giant spiders chasing me. Lovely, right?

I, of course, ran as fast as I could away from those monstrosities and towards this... light. The closer I got, the more I could make out what it was. A woman.

I reached out to her, but... that's all I can remember. I woke up bound in a cold dungeon after that. I was made aware that the conclave had been destroyed, and everyone in it- everyone but me- was dead. The sky had been torn open as a result, a thing they called the Breach. I was to be blamed, seeing as I was the only visible suspect. Oh, and did I mention I also now posses a glowing green mark on my hand that reacts to the Breach, as well as closes smaller rifts? No? Well, yes, that's a thing.

This is also where I met Cassandra, the human woman I mentioned earlier. The one who gave me this journal. She's a Seeker, a title which I had never heard of prior to her. I should make a note to ask her more about the Seeker order later...

Anyway, she did the interrogating, along with a redhead named Leliana. The Inquisition's Spymaster. She was much more level headed than Cassandra.

That mark I mentioned earlier, I was told that it was killing me. Which honestly wasn't surprising because it felt like it was killing me. I don't think have ever been in that much pain before... Whenever the Breach expanded, I could feel it. From my palm to my jaw bone, this... burning. Like my whole arm was melting, on fire... I've started to refer to it as a "flare".

I was told that my only chance may be attempting to close the Breach. I would've agreed anyway, I wasn't so eager to die, but when I looked around at all the chaos... everything on fire, demons everywhere, the sky literally falling down... I felt like I had to do something. I was in over my head, I knew that, but I also knew I had to stay and help. That's why I haven't run yet, even after being freed.

But we'll get to that later. First, let's continue before I get ahead of myself...

We left Haven, the place where I was being held. Our first stop being the forward camp, then the Breach.

I have never felt such fear before. The way to camp was littered with demons. Sure, I had seen such creatures before, even fought one or two, but the sheer number of them... I felt as if I was facing down an army, and I had barely even left the relative safety of Haven.

We managed to survive, thankfully. I kept my composure, and Cassandra turned out to be an incredibly skilled warrior. We got more help along the way, as our paths crossed with two others. Solas, a fellow elven apostate, and Varric, a dwarf with a crossbow named Bianca. Solas, as it turns out, was the one who kept The Mark from killing me. I'm not exactly sure how, but he did.

... It just occurred to me that I never thanked him. I was very overwhelmed at the time, but still... He deserves thanks. Another thing to remember for later.

I won't bore you with the rest of the details, so in short, we killed some more demons, The Mark had another flare, I met an ass named Chancellor Roderick, an important choice was left to my hands for some damn reason, and we saved some scouts. Normal day, really.

Well, almost normal. When we got closer to the temple... One thing that'll forever haunt my dreams are the bodies of those caught in the explosion. Faces melted, forever frozen in horror... The pain and fear they must've been in... I don't really want to write anymore on it, I think you get the picture. It was horrible.

When we finally made it to the Breach, something... strange happened. We heard disembodied voices, both unfamiliar and familiar. We found strange red lyrium, too. Something Varric seemed to recognize. And yet again, another thing to ask about later.

We got closer to the first rift that had spawned, right in the middle of the Temple of Sacred Ashes... Which, ironically, was now actual ashes.

As we did, a vision hit us all. Or, more like a memory. My memory... The Divine's? That... Thing's? I couldn't say. But we saw it, blurry as it was. It started with me, blindly barging into trouble as usual. Something, a great shadow with red eyes, and the Divine, restrained by red... energy, I suppose. She yelled to me, told me to run and get help, and the shadow ordered someone out of sight to kill me... and that was it.

It was the strangest feeling, watching something I should remember through what felt like somebody else's eyes. And I still couldn't actually remember a damn thing.

It was clear now I was there for whatever happened, but I didn't appear to be the guilty party anymore. That didn't stop Cassandra from going back into interrogation mode, but I could hardly blame her. I want answers, too.

Solas said something, but my mind was swirling too much to really pay attention. Something about... echos? "Echos of what happened here.", is how I believe he put it.

He then mentioned the rift had been closed, but not sealed. I could open it, then seal it, but in doing so it would attract demons. And that it did.

A pride demon, to be specific. I had never seen one until that moment. It was... terrifying, to say the least. The whole day was terrifying, honestly.

But we made it. We beat the demon, sealed the rift, and I, like a total badass, was knocked unconscious. At least I lived, I suppose.

When I awoke, I was back in Haven, a frightened servant there to greet me. I still can't tell if she was scared of me, or just scared in general... She fell to her knees, and begged my forgiveness for a fault she hadn't even committed. Or at least one I wasn't aware of. Honestly, I've never felt more confused in my life. I had barely been awake for a minute, and this is what I had to deal with.

She then called me, "my lord" which made everything worse. Nobody should be calling me that, much less bowing to me. It was... wrong. It made me feel wrong.

She then told me that I had been brought back to Haven, and that the Breach and my mark had stopped growing. I was safe, for the moment. And so was everyone else, though they thought I had saved them.

I had a part, true, but I wasn't their savior... Just a helper. I really couldn't have done it alone.

Regardless, Cassandra needed to see me in the Chantry as soon as I woke, so when the girl ran off that's where I headed.

The walk there was the most uncomfortable and surreal thing I have ever been through. People stood, waiting for me. Kneeling for me. Saluting me. Me. A Dalish mage. I still can't quite get my head around that.

Long, boring details cut short, Chancellor Roderick thought I was still guilty, Cassandra and pretty much everyone else in Haven had changed their minds. Cassandra even went as far as calling me the Makers "chosen one" for the mark on my hand. I was quick to point out how ridiculous that thought was. A human God choosing an elf as his chosen? An elf who didn't even believe in him? How could that ever be? And why would anyone ever believe that?

The Chancellor objected, but Cassandra silenced him by pulling out a writ from the Divine. If I hadn't respected her before this moment, I do now. The way she practically backed the Chancellor into a corner was quite a site. I was kinda in awe of her, not going to lie.

In that moment, she declared the Inquisition reborn. The Inquisition... "People who banded together to restore order in a world gone mad."

I will admit, when Cassandra and Leliana asked me to join I was tempted to leave. Not that I didn't want to help, but I just couldn't help but think of my clan, of Athine... I wanted to be there for them as the world crumbled, to protect them. I still do. But what kind of person would I be if I didn't stay? I'm needed here, this mark is needed. And... people believe in me, as strange as that sounds. What kind of person would I be if I turned my back on them?

And... I believe in the Inquisition, I truly do. It's rare to find people who genuinely want to help, to do good. Most people are power hungry, or just cruel. Or both. But the Inquisition... they don't seem to be like that. Not yet, anyway.

So, we got to work. Ravens sent, new armor made, even a ceremony with a giant crowd as we raised the Inquisition banners. Standing there, with all their eyes upon me... it probably should've been inspiring, and I guess in a way it was, but I'm just glad I didn't puke or faint or something like that. I've never done well with attention nor crowds.

But anyway... it's official. I'm now directly in the middle of this mess.

Creators preserve me.