#so stoked to work tomorrow and get so many annoying emails that make my heart rate even

[myfriendtheghost]

goodnight boyfriend I love u

[sheslostinreality]

“If You Can Wait ‘til I Get Home”

Anon request: angsty imagine based on “If It Means A Lot To You” by ADTR. (Audio | Lyrics)

A/N: This imagine took me four hours to write. It’s a long imagine but I’d read it until the end. It’s worth it. x

You met Ashton over a year ago when 5 Seconds of Summer had finished their last tour for their second album. You met at a mutual friend’s house party. You and Ashton were friends first. You began hanging out and found you had a lot of similarities and were very compatible with one another. You got to know Ashton as this super fun, adventurous guy who was ready for anything. He was always in high spirits and full of energy. Whenever you needed a listening ear and someone to vent to, Ashton became your guy. You could count on him to cheer you up. He never failed show you support and give encouragement. Amongst his many wonderful qualities, one you especially loved was that he never pretended to be someone he wasn’t to be accepted or like— especially around you. He was genuine.

This would always a constant debate between you and Ashton but the truth was: you fell for Ashton first. Granted, he was always interested in you. From the moment he saw you, he thought you were beautiful. He wanted to get to know you. But you developed real feelings first. It took Ashton a little longer because record would have it: he couldn’t fall for just anyone. He had been burned too many times— coming across people who were just using him. Nevertheless, when Ashton knew you were in it for him— not for his money or what he could give you— he gave his whole heart to you. “It’s game over man,” Luke chuckled after Ashton told him, Michael, and Calum he had fallen for you. “You’re done, lover boy,” Calum joked. It proved to be true. Ashton was head over heels. He’d give you all the stars in the sky if he could. He was madly in love with you and everything about you. He never wanted to let you go. After six months of dating, you moved in together in a nice condominium in Hollywood Hills. That was only step 2 of Ashton’s plan.

5 Seconds of Summer had released their third album. You were incredibly stoked for your boyfriend and his band. The four of them had worked so hard composing new songs for everyone to hear. The album release party had been a blast— all of their friends, their families, and individuals who helped put the album together attended. But after the party was when reality began to hit.

The boys had back-to-back meetings to attend to on top of shows and making appearances in promotions of their new album. You were seeing less and less of your boyfriend. Ashton was already out of the house when you woke up in the morning. By the time he arrived home, he was beyond exhausted. “Babe, would it be alright if I went to bed?” Ashton asked after scarfing down the dinner you prepared. You sighed disappointedly but you weren’t going to be selfish. You saw the tired in his eyes. “Sure, I’ll clean up,” you said.

This was scary territory for your relationship.

Watching Ashton leave never ceased to be painful and heartbreaking. It wasn’t like you and Ashton never spent time away from each other. He’d left before for small business trips or trips back home to Australia for two weeks or so. It was that no matter how many times you’ve watched Ashton leave, it just never got easier.

The tour for album three was in two weeks. Ashton leaving for four months to tour all of Europe with his band. You had pleaded to your boss for at least a week off. You tried to reason and bargain but she didn’t budge. There was a big company project taking place and she wanted you present and in action.

“Your boss is a bitch,” Ashton grumbled, throwing shoes into his luggage only for it to bounce off and roll away.

You took his shoes and placed them neatly back into the suitcase. “Well, on the bright side, we won’t need to ask someone to look after our home,” you tried to sound positive.

“I’d rather be burglarized then go four months without seeing you,” Ashton responded.

“Don’t say that,” you tried to laugh. “I’m really upset about it, too, but there’s nothing I can do. I can’t quit. I’ve worked so hard for my position in that company. It’s not worth it…”

Ashton sighed, pulling you into his arms in a tight embrace. He rested his chin on the top of your head, your nose to his chest, smelling the intoxicating scent of his cologne. “I already miss you,” he said, his hazel green eyes looking into yours.

You forced a painful smile and quickly wiped the tear that escaped the corner of your eye. Ashton frowned, seeing your eyes weld up with water and your lips beginning to quiver. You bit your lip and managed to let out a small laugh. “Let’s just enjoy tonight, alright?” you suggested. “We have all of tomorrow to be sad.”

Ashton nodded. He bowed his neck to place a kiss on your lips. You tiptoed and locked your arms around his neck. He lifted you up as you wrapped your legs around his waist. Ashton shut the bedroom door closed on your way over to the bed. He lowered your back onto the bed. He was smiling, admiring your beauty. “One for the road?” he asked suggestively with a smirk on his face.

Tomorrow came all to quickly. The alarm was set for 4 AM. You and Ashton both groaned at the annoying sound of the beeping. Neither of you wanted to leave the bed. You were so comfortable under the sheets and in each others arms.

“Hey,” Ashton whispered, his voice still groggy and sleepy. He placed small kisses on your neck.

You turned over to face him. “Hey,” you said smiling.

“I want to tell you something,” he said.

“What is it?” you asked.

“I love you.”

You giggled, “I know that already. I love you, too.”

“No,” Ashton said more seriously this time. “I mean it, [Y/N]. I really, really love you.”

“And I really, really love you, too, Ashton,” you responded.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said.

You paused for a minute. Ashton’s expression was serious. This wasn’t just pillow talk. This wasn’t just his emotions speaking or him being sappy. This was real. Ashton was being real.

“I’m not proposing,” Ashton added. “Not yet, anyway. I just—I just wanted you to know that I will. I’m in it for the long run, [Y/N]. Are you?”

You couldn’t help but smile. You nodded and gave Ashton a kiss on the lips. Your relationship was one for the books. It was the kind of relationship everyone wanted. Everyone dreams of marrying their best friend one day. Everyone wishes to spend their life with someone that brings them love, happiness, and sense of stability. It’s the kind of relationship where even the length of time cannot make each day feel like a new adventure. No one wants to stop falling in love. That’s what you and Ashton had. Your relationship was built on a foundation so strong and unbreakable, not even distance could pull you apart.

Or so you thought.

“Do you have everything?” you asked him. He counted the four large suitcases lined up against the wall, tapped duffle bag on his shoulder and the backpack on his back; he felt the hat on his head and the wallet in his back pocket. He wiggled his glasses and raised the passport in his hand.

“Got it,” he assured you.

“Phone?”

He tapped his front pocket. “Charger and everything,” he joked.

You let out a small smile, the feeling of sadness over taking you. This was all too familiar. “I’ll miss you. It’s selfish but I don’t want you to go,” you told him.

He nodded understandingly. “I know, baby. I wish I could bring you with me. But I swear, it will be worth it when I come back,” he promised. “Please wait for me.”

“I will.”

Ashton placed one last kiss on your lips before he headed out the door. The chauffeur assisted Ashton with his suitcases. Ashton rolled down the tinted window of the Mercedes Benz and waved goodbye as they drove away.

The condo never felt lonelier, emptier, and quieter. It was only Ashton and you who lived there but the two of you together brought life, laughter, happiness and energy into the your home. There was never a dull moment. There was always singing, music, and dancing. But with Ashton gone, you didn’t feel like dancing alone.

The two weeks was the hardest and the loneliest. Even at work, coworkers were growing concerned. Your boss didn’t even look twice at you. All she cared about was the company project. You had friends who were calling you to set up plans to keep your mind off of Ashton. They knew how hard it must have been for you. However, no amount of distractions during the day could relieve you from the empty, cold bed you’d be coming home to that night.

You and Ashton had remained in constant communication the first two weeks. You were either texting, calling or FaceTiming. If you were at work, you’d receive “business emails” from Ashton. But as the weeks progressed, Ashton grew busier and the communication lessened until there was almost none. Your phone was unbothered as ever. You tried your hardest not to bother Ashton but some days you couldn’t help but call. Often you were left to go to voicemail. Ashton would call you back but you’d be asleep and miss it. It was getting more and more difficult, more and more unbearable.

Some nights you’d think: “is this what my future is going to be like? waiting on Ashton? always anxious for the next time he’ll leave me? We live different lives sometimes.”

Two more weeks was left on the calendar. You were more excited than you had ever been. The band was getting a week off before beginning the next set of tours.

“Finally I caught you!” you smiled to the camera as you mixed the vegetables in the pan.

Ashton chuckled, “Likewise. Seem like we’re always missin’ each other.”

“It’s been hard,” you said honestly. “I’ve been really sad.”

“We’ll make it, baby,” Ashton assured you. “We can’t let distance get to us.”

Sometimes, it seemed it was easier on Ashton than on you being separated. Of course, Ashton was always the one leaving. Perhaps it was because he was more occupied. He was touring, meeting new people, performing shows. He had a lot going on. But for you— it was the same nine-to-five, five days a week job. Same desk, same computer, same routine. Ashton was traveling the world while you were confined to the four walls of your office. Ashton came home to different, lavish hotel suites while you came home to an empty house that made it impossible to forget about Ashton. It would irk you when Ashton acted so nonchalant about the pain it caused you when he was away. It was bothersome when he’d be so naive about how hard it was for you.

“Easy for you to say,” you mumbled.

“What was that?” he asked.

“I said ‘easy for you to say,’” you repeated more clearly.

“What are you talking about?”

You rolled your eyes. “It’s easy for you to say ‘don’t worry, babe, we’ll make it’ because you don’t miss me as much as I miss you. Trying being the one getting left behind for once.”

“Babe, I—“ Ashton’s eyes shifted away from the camera. You heard another voice talking. Ashton nodded to the voice behind the camera and sighed. “Babe, I’m really sorry, I have to go.”

You sighed, rolling your eyes. Exasperation was taking over you. “Of course you do.”

Ashton looked apologetic. “Look, I’ll call you later, alright? I love you.”

He never called.

You masked your sadness by pretending to have a lack of. You thought you could fool yourself if you pretended to be unbothered. You fought against the sadness. You told yourself you wouldn’t be upset with Ashton for being too busy answer calls or respond to text messages. You tried not to miss him anymore because he didn’t miss you. If he missed me like he said he did, he’d try, you told yourself. What fueled your anger were the paparazzi photos of Ashton and the other boys leaving the club in the early mornings. If he had time for clubbing, he should have had a few minutes for you. The four months apart were doing a lot more damage to your relationship than you initially thought it would.

Ring ring.

Three days were left until Ashton was set to come home.

You swiped the screen open. “Look who decided to call,” you said with a slightly crossed tone.

“They extended the tour,” Ashton blurted out.

“They what?”

“They extended the tour to another month.”

You laughed, “You’re joking.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?” He didn’t. He wasn’t. “Leave work. Come see me.”

“I can’t, Ashton,” you sternly. “Our project is launching next month. I have to be here.”

“It’s always work,” Ashton complained.

Your eyes grew wide. “Excuse me?”

This conversation wasn’t nearly as sweet, as loving, or as kind as the ones held prior. You and Ashton only fought and bickered. It went from Ashton blaming your work, to you feeling your were the only one making sacrifices, to Ashton not caring enough about the distance put between you. It was a mess.

“You think I don’t care?” Ashton asked rhetorically. “Are you that narrow minded?”

“I’m being narrow minded? Trying being the one always left behind, Ashton!”

“It’s not my fault” he said defensively.

“So you’re saying it’s my fault?”

Ashton sighed, slowly beginning to feel defeat. “No—no! That’s not what I’m saying.”

“No, that’s exactly what you’re saying! And you know what hurts? Waiting by the phone every day for a call that never comes.”

“Babe, I told you I was busy.”

You scoffed, “Right. Busy. But you still had time to go clubbing.” Ashton fell silent. “Yeah, I saw the photos.”

There was a silence in the line. Then you said words you never thought you’d say.

“Ashton, I don’t think I can do this anymore.” You had enough.

It was foolish to think a year of being together would make the two of you invincible to the effects of distance. You had tried your hardest to hold on, to wait, to not give up on your relationship. But you felt the strain. You couldn’t bear another heartache of watching Ashton leave. You couldn’t cope any longer with the anxiety of being apart. You felt left in the dark while Ashton was well in the spotlight. All you wanted was to feel him again, to be near him again. You needed his presence and he couldn’t give you that.

“Babe— what are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” you said lowly, “I think we need to break up. I can’t wait for you anymore, Ashton.”

“What? Why not?”

You felt your throat tighten. “It hurts too much. I don’t expect you to know the feeling. But imagine it hurts like hell. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to be worried anymore. I’m tired of waiting. I’m done being left behind.”

“But I’m coming home, baby! Just one more month.”

You sighed, “For how long? A week? A few days? Then you’re gone again for God knows how long again. I’m not the girl for you, Ashton. You need someone with a flexible career. Someone who can drop everything and be with you. Someone who can wait for you. I can’t do that; and I hate long distance. But this is your job and I won’t ask you to give it up— not that you would.”

“So it’s your or my job?” he asked in disbelief.

“No,” you told him. It’s just your job.”

“This is a fucking joke, [Y/N]. I can’t believe you’re talking like this. Don’t do this.” His voice was breaking. “Don’t we mean anything to you?”

“You mean everything to me, Ashton.”

“Then why can’t you wait until I get home? We can make it, [Y/N].”

“No, Ashton. I’m done waiting. I’m sorry,” you said. “Look, you can keep the condo— you’ll need a place to stay when the tour’s over. I’ll be moved out before you get back.”

“Can we at least be friends?” he asked.

You shook your head to yourself. “Nobody’s friends with their exes. Maybe in the future. But right now, I think I need to be alone. Goodbye, Ashton.”

At that, you hung up. You couldn’t bear to hear his voice again. You clutched your phone to your chest, and slid your back down the bathroom wall of the office. A river of tears spilled from your eyes. You felt your heart break into a million pieces. You couldn’t breathe. You let go of the one who became your world. You set free the one who made you smile on your worst days, your sunlight, your breath of fresh air. Because the one who made you so happy… also made you so sad.

You weren’t sure if what you did was the right thing to do. You were so caught in your emotions, in all of your anxiety and sadness. You were just so tired of hurting and waiting. It was an understandable feeling and anyone on the outside would’ve seen it coming. They’d say, “We knew it’d happen eventually.”

On the other side of the world was a devastated, heartbroken Ashton— a guy who lost the love of his life. He saw his future shatter before him. All his hopes and plans evaporate into thin air. The girl he thought he would spend the rest of his life with gave up on him. He couldn’t give her what she needed. Distance was too strong. His job was too demanding. What he thought was meant to be turned out to be false. Without you, he’d never be happy again.

“Oh man,” Luke said when he walked into the room and spotted a crying Ashton. “What the hell happened?”

“[Y/N] broke up with me,” he cried.

“Shit,” Luke rushed to his best friend’s side. “Man, I’m so sorry.”

“I’ll never be happen again,” Ashton sobbed. “I loved her. She was everything.”

Luke stayed quiet. He was at a loss for words. He thought you and Ashton were going to get married one day. He looked up to Ashton for maintaining a stable, healthy relationship. He praised Ashton for finding the love of his life and holding on to her. Luke wanted what he saw in you and Ashton.

“I was going to propose to her,” Ashton tossed the little velvet box into the table he was holding during your phone call.

Luke reached for the box and opened it. He found the engagement. “This is what you were looking at the other day, wasn’t it?” Ashton was visiting jewelry stores all around Europe in search of the perfect engagement ring under the radar. There had been time you called but he was looking at rings so he purposely ignored your call.

The ring was beautiful. Ashton had purchased the ring in Italy. It was worth a fortune. It was a large square-cut diamond with a diamond band. It was his surprise for when he returned home.

He was going to make you his wife.