#so spends all episode telling abed hes not a nerd and then they do the han/leia i love you/i know and troy saves the day

[burnurcity]

kings of "why are you looking at your best friend like that we've got more important things going on"

[vanxcks]

and a movie

Abed Nadir lives in LA now, and there's something they still haven't done.

Word count: 1766

AO3 link in notes

“I want to make a movie.” Abed says it abruptly. It’s the reason he came, after all. And it’s important to make your point early in the conversation; otherwise it runs away from you.

“You know I’m not a producer, right?” his friend asks.

“I know that. But I wanted to be able to air the idea out. See if it’s Hollywood-ready. I know what I’m doing, but a second opinion can’t hurt. Besides, you seem to have some success.”

His friend laughs. “I mean, a couple movies in, I guess my opinion counts.” Abed cracks a smile. “What’s it about?”

“Friends. Not the show. Friends of mine. Old friends, actually. From before I moved here.”

“A movie based on your friends?”

“I was thinking my friends could be in it, actually.”

“So, a biopic?”

“Yes. I could document some portion of their lives.”

“You mean it would be a documentary.”

Abed pauses and then says, “Technically, yes, but six seasons and a documentary doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

“Sorry?”

“Nothing.”

Abed doesn’t have a roommate, but he does have friends. People that he hangs out with regularly—going out to dinner after work, having movie nights where they all bring different snacks. They have bad taste in movies, but so does he. He’s the first to admit Kickpuncher isn’t a masterpiece. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have his costume hanging in his closet for emergencies.

Or non-emergencies. But only if they involve watching the movie alone at two in the morning and acting out the scenes as they go. Those are acceptable.

In high school, he didn’t think he’d ever have any friends. He thought he was stuck in the underdog role, the nerd that got his books knocked out of his arms, the kid that no one wanted to be partners with. Although Abed had never actually gotten his books knocked out of his arms. He thought it was a ridiculous trope. He’d fit into the rest of the categories though.

At some point at Greendale, he’d thought he would never again have friends like the study group. These were the days, the short period that would change their lives forever. The period that they would eventually have to leave behind, but that nothing would ever measure up to again. He’d expected to spend the rest of his shallow life thinking back to these four (five, six) years with his found family. As it turns out, though, tv shows are short because of budget, because of the inability of writers to churn out more, because of low viewership. And just because they’re short doesn’t mean there isn’t more to the story. He’s happy now. He’s comfortable.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a picture of that first halloween up on his bulletin board, though.

“So, what exactly would this documentary be about?”

Abed cocks his head. “I don’t know. It would be about them. It would be about them and...I guess it would be a little bit like Friends, except funnier. I mean, the relationship and drama of it. Although the emotional bits were always my least favorite. I liked the action episodes the best.”

“The action episodes from Friends?”

“No, from when I was at Greendale.”

“Oh, sorry, yes, the episodes from when you were at Greendale,” his friend says, and Abed can tell it’s sarcasm, but he can also tell that it’s not mean.

Abed nods. “Yes. Maybe I should do something more whimsical, like that. It’s not exactly in the sitcom format, but the show never was.”

“And by whimsical, you mean…”

“Oh, you know, paintball fights, eerily accurate homages, the like. Genre-bending stuff.”

“That’s what college was like for you?”

“I told you,” Abed says. “Genre-bending stuff.”

--

Everyone still keeps in touch. Annie visits the most. She’s happy, and he’s glad he told her to take a forensics class. It’s better for her.

She visits and she asks how he’s doing (well), what he’s doing (he’s working on his portfolio before he starts trying to get a big title—it’s an important step), and where his new dreamatorium is (he doesn’t have one. He’s grown past the need for childish things like that. He doesn’t need a designated room for rendering imaginations. He’s an adult. He can do it anywhere in his house now.)

Annie’s doing well, too. She had to intern for a few years, but now she’s properly training at the FBI Academy. (“Basically, I’m, like, really fit now,” she says and laughs. “And they let me carry a gun.”

“But you already had a gun.”

“What? No I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. Troy and I found it in your bag when you moved in.”

“You searched my bag?”)

--

Abed and Troy talk to each other sometimes, when Troy has cell service. It’s not often.

Troy didn’t bring a DVD player (which is ridiculous, Abed should have helped him pack), but he did manage to buy a crappy portable one from one of the places he’d stopped for fuel and food. Every several weeks they call, put the same DVD in, and then count down to play. Troy’s movie is always scratchy and terrible, so it’s awkward (“Pause. No, wait, play...oh no, it’s lagging again. Did it just skip over a scene? Pause.”) They dress up and make popcorn, and a couple of times they even made a blanket fort like back at Greendale.

Troy has been on his trip for longer than any of them had expected, but that’s what happens, right? And that has to be okay. He’ll be back eventually, and Abed is okay with that.

Troy says he’s been making music. It makes sense. He’d always liked writing raps for the two of them.

--

Britta visits often too. Mostly to detail him on the rampant racism and misogyny in the film industry. (“You work with these people? Abed, I can’t believe you. Do you understand the history behind this? These people have been silencing voices for decades. Blackface, yellowface, and don’t even get me started on the women’s roles in a lot of these movies.”

“They’re good movies.”

“Yes, but the impact of them on our society is astronomical!”)

He knows about all of it, anyway—he’s a muslim and half-arab man watching movies made in the twentieth century. It’s difficult not to notice the bigotry. But he knows she means well. And he likes it when she visits.

Abed shows her the neighborhood. It’s small and busy and feels like a movie set, probably because it is the movie set. He’d seen so many stories told in Los Angeles. Being here is amazing. They go to a coffee shop, and she drinks coffee while he eats a cupcake. Then, they go for burgers.

-- New Message To: dharmon@gmail.com Subject: Props

How much would it cost me to get enough paintball guns to stage a school-wide fight if the school had about one thousand people in it? Try and get back soon.

New Message To: dharmon@gmail.com Subject: Re: Props

Disregard the paintball guns. It’s been done too many times.

--

Shirley visits the least, although he knows that she wishes she could come more. (“I’m so sorry,” she says, “I just wish I could take care of all of you, but my babies take up so much of my time.” Then, “did you know that Ben Benjamin took his first steps last week?”

“Yes. You sent me a video, remember?”

“Oh, yes. Wasn’t it nice?”

“Very nice.”)

She bakes for him. She bakes for all of them, actually, since she always makes them send pictures of themselves with the food to the group chat. It’s not like it was. She knows her worth, and she knows that they need her. “I just like to take care of you, is all,” she’d said. They sit at the table and eat. Shirley doesn’t like silence. Which is nice, because it means that she’ll listen to him talk for hours. He can’t always tell if she’s getting bored, but she doesn’t outright stop him, and that’s nice. She thinks everything is nice.

--

New Message To: dharmon@gmail.com Subject: Re: Props

How about a vat of lava?

--

Jeff doesn’t visit the most out of all of them, but he does stay the most in touch. He’s still at Greendale, the only one other than Britta. They’re still trying to keep the school running. Britta started a bartending class, which is ironic because Britta is terrible at bartending. But being incompetent is part of Greendale’s charm, isn’t it?

When Jeff comes to visit, he wants to watch Abed’s documentaries. They’re getting good. Jeff thinks so too, and Jeff would say if he thought they were bad. Abed likes that about Jeff—he says what he thinks. Except for the sarcasm. And the lawyering.

The point is, Jeff rarely lied to them.

He does critique everything except the filmmaking, though. He jokes about Abed’s friends, about his boss, about the logo for the coffee shop at the corner of the street. He gets distracted by every conventionally attractive woman that comes on-screen, too.

“Hey, you’re doing all of this documentary filming, Abed,” he said, during his last visit.

“Yeah?” Abed pressed pause.

“Remember when you would film us? Make all those movies? Like when Pierce tried to fake his goddamn death, and you wouldn’t put down your camera even when we were all having breakdowns? Or when the dean made that commercial, and you wouldn’t put the camera down because of his breakdown?”

“Yeah, I do. Why?”

Jeff paused, and Abed turned a little to stare at him. “I don’t know. It was fun.”

“You’re right.” Abed’s brow creased. “It was fun.”

Jeff didn’t reply, so Abed pressed play again.

--

It takes a lot more planning, but Abed eventually cobbles together some things. A ragged film crew. The equipment he needs. He isn’t sure what he’s going to do with this, once it’s done. Sell it? Keep it on his shelf, along with his other documentaries? Their adventures had always seemed like too much to keep from an audience.

He types out the email a few times, many times, because he’s not sure it’s right, because it’s too long, because it’s too brief, because it’s too cliche, too plot-twist-slash-sequel-slash-unecessary-renewal. In the end, though, he deletes the whole thing and just writes what he wants to say.

--

New Message To: brittaperry@hotmail.com, jwinger@greendale.edu, troyisawesome@gmail.com, shirleybennet@yahoo.com, aedison@gmail.com Subject:

Hi,

I want to make a movie.

A/N:  i binged this show on netflix during quarantine and it absolutely destroyed me. i immediately opened up a document to write a fix it before realising that there wasn't anything to fix, really. i just wasn't used to show creators actually knowing how to write, so props to dan harmon for that, i guess. i have a bunch more fic ideas, so i'll definitely get to work posting them soon!! thank you so much for reading and please leave a comment and/or kudos if you liked it! (all email addresses in this fic are either fake and made up or blatant and obnoxious references to the show! you'll never know)

[tigerlilynoh]

meme/tag game

tagged by: @wingslovesfiction rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people... but 20 feels like a lot tagging: I can never remember who actually enjoys these tag games.  I’m gonna try @sabath68 @mskatthestrange @capricorn-child @superfuckingextra @cheshirehuntergirl @invincibella @spangelbanger @krypter-krypter  If you like doing meme/tag games and I didn’t tag you let me know and I’ll try to remember to tag you going forward.

(I wrote these answers a few days ago, but this was the first time I was able to get to a computer.)

the last 1. drink: a barrel aged Martinez cocktail 2. phone call: a call for work 3. text message: Suggesting to my husband that my perfect my perfect Maui vacation might be "Eating fresh papaya & mango while listening to the nerd-sexy voice of Grover Gardener telling us cool shit." 4. song you listened to: Tthhee Ppaarrttyy by Justice (it's one of my writing themes for Stacy Chen from the Uncomfortable Adventures of Sam in Law School series).

5. time you cried: about 10 days ago.  My thyroid levels were off, which made one of my semiannual depressive periods manifest outwardly. 6. dated someone twice: I've been dating my husband for almost twelve years. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: never. 8. been cheated on: never. 9. lost someone special: my classmate & friend who is/was one of the main inspirations for Sam in UASLS. 10. been depressed: a week ago I got out of a roughly month long depressive period 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: a little over a year ago.  It was the most drunk I've ever been and since then I've been a one drink kinda girl.

3 favorite colors 12. Red 13. Purple 14. Black

in the last year have you 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: no.  I've never fallen out of love with anyone, friend or lover, though I have practiced self-preservation through distance. 17. laughed until you cried: yes.  I laugh until I cry & snort at least once a week.  I keep humorous company and I love absurdity. 18. found out someone was talking about you: negatively?  no. 19. met someone who changed you: yes, at least I hope so. 20. found out who your friends are: I can't tell if this is a positive or negative.  I've had a lot of friends reaffirm themselves to me in the last year. 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: About three of them.

general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them except for my international gishwhes teammates and a spn fandom friend. 23. do you have any pets: not currently 24. do you want to change your name: no, I really like my name. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I had a fucking final exam, then went out on a dinner date with my husband. 26. what time did you wake up: too early no matter the hour 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Playing the computer game Don't Starve Together with my husband. 28. name something you can’t wait for: In December I'll be done with 4.5 years of law school (taken in the evenings after work) and then in February I'll take the bar exam.  I'm super looking forward to having this long 5 years over with. 29. when was the last time you saw your mum: this morning 31. what are you listening to right now: Chamberlain's defense of Little Round Top in the movie Gettysburg (1993).  My husband & I are celebrating the anniversary of the battle with cocktails & the movie.  I'm a minor American Civil War buff. 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Not as far as I can remember. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: The current state of the world and also my health. 34. most visited website: AO3, Facebook, & Tumblr. 35. hair colour: My hair is naturally dark brown, but I dye it every 6-8 weeks.  It's currently platinum blonde/silver. 36. long or short hair: 100% short.  The shorter the better.  The only reason I didn't stick with a buzz was because I was a bit too androgynous for my husband.  (He's very understanding/supportive of me being genderqueer, but I try to accommodate his heterosexuality in this respect.) 37. do you have a crush on someone: Maybe?  I find a lot of my friends attractive because I'm attracted to personality, but that being said I'm completely in love with/devoted to my husband.  He's the Sam to my Job & Family Ruby. 38. what do you like about yourself: I used to prize my intelligence the most, but as I've grown older I think resilience might be more important.  I like that I generally exist in the intersection of positivity & pragmatism. 39. piercings: three piercings on my ears.  I'd like to get my septum pierced, but I can't for medical reasons. 40. blood type: AB+ 41. nickname:  Love (my husband & my pet names for each other) and Echidna (it a slant rhyme with a mispronunciation of my name). 42. relationship status: Married (for 5 years) 43. zodiac: Sagittarius & rabbit 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show:  Supernatural (big surprise) and Star Trek 46. tattoos: not yet, but I'm casually designing a tribute tattoo for my late mother-in-law 47. right or left handed: right. 48. surgery: Five so far. 1x full spinal fusion, 3x gastrointestinal (a three part non-laparoscopic colectomy), 1x sinus. 49. piercing: The question seems duplicative 50. sport: I'm not really prone to sports since my Graves Disease makes my pulse jumpy.  The closest thing is billiards (mostly pool).  My grandpa was great at it and took pride in turning his innocent little granddaughter into a shark.  I don't practice nearly enough anymore, but I used consistently pull off trick shots & combinations, and could run the table on good days. 51. vacation: I'm perfectly happy to spend my free time relaxing at home, but my next vacation is going to be New Orleans. 52. pair of trainers: I don't exercise, so I don't have trainers.  I mostly wear black combat style boots or sandals. 53. eating: Pickled deviled eggs, salt & vinegar chips, & sea salt caramel macarons. 54. drinking: I've been working on this so long I've now most recently had water. 55. i’m about to:  I'll probably work on the next four episodes of UASLS as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. 56. waiting for:  In two weeks I can redo my blood labs and find out how my new antithyroid meds are doing.  I'm particularly eager for this because the new meds can cause a whole host of serious problems and I want to make sure my liver, platelets, white blood cell count are all holding steady.  I feel like a hypochondriac every time I sit in yellow light, bruise, or cough nowadays. 57. want: To have a kid when I finish school, but that's a whole long messy situation with my health problems. 58. get married: I already am. 59. career: I'd like to be a transactional attorney for a municipality by day and write in my spare time. 60. hugs or kisses: A kiss for passion, an embrace for love. 61. lips or eyes: Eyes tell more than lips ever could. 62. shorter or taller: I'm somewhere between short & average and I have no physical preference for partners. 63. older or younger: I don't understand the question, but I don't have opinions on age anyway. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: No physical preference for partners. 65. hook up or relationship: Relationship. 66. troublemaker or hesitant: I don't like trouble.

have you ever 67. kissed a stranger: No. 68. drank hard liquor: Yes, moutai & aquavit are my go to hard liquors. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: No. 70. turned someone down: Romantically?  No, but I've only been asked out by three people. 71. sex on the first date: No. 72. broken someone’s heart: I broke up with both of my previous boyfriends.  I'm still good friends with one. 73. had your heart broken: My heart broke a little bit when I broke up with my first boyfriend.  No regrets though. 74. been arrested: No. 75. cried when someone died: Every time. 76. fallen for a friend: Ever time I've fallen.

do you believe in 77. yourself: Yes, despite the whispers of doubt & depression- but I know the sound of their voices from my own. 78. miracles: Not in some metaphysical sense, but I believe in improbable occurrences. 79. love at first sight: No. 80. santa claus: Not even as a child. 81. kiss on the first date: Whatever floats your boat. 82. angels: I don't believe in supernatural or metaphysical things.

other 83. current best friend’s name: I'm not posting my husband's name, but I assure you both of our names would fit in some regency era romantic novel. 84. eye color: blue/green/grey 85. favorite movie: too many to choose from: Hero, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Snatch, Shadow of a Doubt, For a Few Dollars More, Infernal Affairs

[blaineandsamevanderson]

Title:  Once in A Lifetime Chapter 22

By: @blaineandsamevanderson (SageK on ff.net, kaitlia777 on LJ and AO3)

Graphics and Assistant Brain Stormer: @lauraperfectinsanity

Pairing: Blaine/Sam

Rating: R

Summary:  Late Spring, 2014 Sam auditions for a role in a TV show and Blaine comes along for moral support…and that’s just the beginning of their adventure!

Authors Note: I don’t know anything about the casting process for a TV show or what the process might be before filming.  This is all fiction.  I also don’t have any affiliation with Glee, Agents of Shield or any of the men and women who are involved with making the show.  Again, this is a work of fiction!

Authors Note #2: This is AU for Glee Season 5, pretty Episode 100 and anything after isn’t applicable to this.  Also, the plot for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. was thought of before I saw CA:TWS, but was easily adapted…but let’s just say AOS is AU as of Turn, Turn, Turn.

Authors Note #3: We named Blaine’s Mom Anna before we knew Glee had named her Pam and hired and actress to play her…so we’re gonna stick with our name and FC!

Authors Note #4: This isn’t really a fic for fans of Kurt and Rachel.  They’re the antagonists in this fic and are way over the top (in keeping with Glee’s tradition of being OTT).

Authors Note #4: Sorry for the crappy Google translate Spanish!

**

**

Most mornings, Blaine woke up comfortably starfished on the bed, a cat or two and a wiggly puppy cuddling him. Sam continued to wake early to run before set and then he’d bring coffee home from the small café on the corner. The smell of fresh brewed dark roast was what tended to finish rousing Blaine from his slumber.

Today though….

“Mmmm,” he moaned, pleasure rolling through him, mingling with the happy morning haze. His hips rocked, thrusting up into warm, wet softness…. “Sam?”

Still blinking sleepily, Blaine reached down, a hand coming to rest on Sam’s head as it bobbed, hidden beneath the blue and white striped sheets.

“Mo-in,” Sam replied, voice garbled because he didn’t stop what he was doing, something Blaine truly appreciated. The feel of velvety lips wrapped around him was one he’d really come to love.

Hands delving under the sheet, Blaine ran his fingers through Sam’s hair, blunt nails scratching his scalp, making the blond hum happily. Little by little, Blaine shed the last vestiges of sleep, focusing on the feel of Sam’s mouth and the hands stroking his thighs. By the time he came, he was fully alert, arching up under his boyfriend with a cry.

As Blaine shuddered, panting as he came down from his orgasm, Sam crawled up his body and popped out from under the sheets with a grin. A drop of cum lingered on his lush lower lip before his tongue swept it away. “Happy Birthday,” he murmured sweetly, leaning in to press a kiss to Blaine’s jaw.

A chuckle burst from Blaine as he ran an hand down Sam’s broad, bare back. “Definitely a happy way to wake up,” he agreed, angling his head to catch Sam in a long, slow kiss.

“That’s only the beginning,” Sam promised with a nod, settling his body atop Blaine’s and pinning him to the mattress. “We don’t have to be on set today and I got some stuff to make crepes later, so…no rush to get out of bed.”

“Oh, I like the way you think,” Blaine hummed, pulling Sam closer again.

He couldn’t think of a better way to spend his birthday!

**

**

**

**

“I can’t believe they didn’t answer!” Rachel complained as she and Kurt climbed the narrow stairs. “Perhaps they’ve allowed their brief taste of fame to go to their heads.”

Kurt huffed in agreement. “Well, now I suppose it will be an even nicer surprise for Blaine! We’re going to celebrate his birthday in style together.”

Behind them, laden down with luggage, their cab driver snorted, doubting anyone would be thrilled to see these two shrill, demanding people.

Checking his phone, Kurt began down the third floor hall, stopping before a door. A wooden sign with red letters that spelled out Happy Valentine’s Day (How tacky) hung below the peephole and, rolling his eyes, he declared, “This is it!”

Without pausing, Rachel raised a hand and rapped briskly on the wood. She fluffed her hair and Kurt straightened his jacket…and then they waited.

Waited far too long.

When it became clear that the knock had not been heard, Kurt banged his fist against the door. “They must be here. Their cars are in the lot, as was evidenced by the various nerd/music bumper stickers.”

Rachel nodded in agreement, but before she could respond, something inside the apartment let out a loud yip.

Oh right.

The dog.

A second later, the door opened slowly, revealing a flushed and disheveled Blaine. He was shirtless (hello new abs) and a little sweaty, wearing too long pajama pants that seemed a bit tight across the hips. A red mark that looked suspiciously like a bite was visible on his iliac crest. Those pretty eyes were wide and shocked as he stared at Kurt.

Obviously, Kurt’s brilliant plan to surprise him delightfully had worked to a T!

“Surprise!” Kurt sang, his voice chorusing with Rachel’s and he took a step toward Blaine. From beside him, he heard the click of Rachel’s phone as she snapped a picture of Blaine.

Who took a step back, a hand coming up between them even as the small dog scurried to sit in front of Blaine.

“Kurt?” he asked, brows furrowed in confusion. “What on Earth are you doing here?”

“You didn’t think I’d miss your birthday, did you Silly?” Kurt laughed as he entered the apartment.

Sam, in a similar state of undress, popped around the armoire, looking befuddled (though that was a fairly common expression for him). “We weren’t expecting guests,” he said, then gave a wave that made his pectorals move in a rather intriguing manner. “Hey.”

“Hi, Sam,” Rachel chirped with a smile. “Could you be a dear and go help our driver with the rest of our bags?”

That made Blaine and Sam exchange a look. “Why didn’t you drop them off at your hotel?” Blaine asked slowly, taking a few steps toward Sam, stooping to pick up the wiggling puppy as he did so.

“We’re staying here, of course,” Kurt told him, eyeing the little furball who seemed to be glaring back.

Rachel gestured around. “I assume the guest room is through there?” she asked, nodding at the closet.

“We don’t have a guest room,” Sam said flatly. “And I’m not dressed to go carry bags.”

Kurt couldn’t believe how rude Sam was being as the Cabbie snorted. “Meter’s running.”

**

**

When Kurt and Rachel followed the cabbie out to retrieve their bags (something they were not happy about), Blaine turned to Sam. “What the heck is this?”

“No idea,” Sam said with a shrug, returning to the bedroom to grab his phone, rapidly shooting off a text. “Santana didn’t know about this either. She’s pissed….”

“So am I,” Blaine said, placing Nyota down on the bed before stepping up behind Sam so he could wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s lean waist. Pressing a kiss to Sam’s spine, he laid his cheek against the blond’s shoulder blade. “I wanted to spend the day with you!”

“That was the plan,” Sam sighed, resting his hands atop Blaine’s. “We should call Sugar and Sebastian, get them to run interf….”

The apartment door was flung open and Sebastian’s voice rang out. “Tell me this text from Santana is a joke made in very poor taste and that deluded, fashion impaired elf did not show up here uninvited!” Prowling the apartment, Sebastian looked at them in askance. “Well?!”

Sam’s shoulders bobbed in a shrug. “They’re down getting the rest of their bags,” he said, pointing at the already impressive pile of luggage.”

Sebastian, clad in linen pajama pants and a white V-neck t-shirt, blinked at them for a moment before shaking his head. “Nope. C’mon, let’s toss their crap into the courtyard and have a bonfire. Millie made homemade sausages the other day, we can have a party.”

He had a suitcase in hand when Kurt reappeared and shrieked, “Unhand my Louis Vuitton, you sneaky Attempted Boyfriend Thief!”

“Please don’t try to pass this cheap knock off as the real thing to someone who actually owns the Horizon 55 collection,” Sebastian sneered, dropping the bag onto the floor in distaste.

Rachel appeared behind Kurt, lugging a bag nearly as large as she was. “What are you doing here?” she demanded of Sebastian, who had wandered over to pat Nyota.

“I live upstairs, not 2,500 miles away, so it’s perfectly reasonable for me to pop by for a surprise visit…unlike some people,” Sebastian drawled grumpily and Blaine sighed, hiding his face in Sam’s back again.

Sam’s back was nice and warm and smelled really good….

“This kitchen is a mess!” Kurt announced, looking annoyed. “What happened to the Blaine who insisted on doing the dishes immediately at the loft? Oh, do you have help to come in and clean up?”

“We don’t have to worry about rats or cockroaches invading if we leave a dish in the sink,” Sam sighed. “We got…distracted after breakfast.”

“Ew!” Rachel announced, holding up a hand and displaying the condom wrapper that had stuck to her when she settled onto the couch.

A laugh burst from Sebastian. “Well I guess we know what distracted you!”

Blaine and Sam traded an amused shrug and Kurt plowed on as though Sebastian hadn’t spoken. “Anyhow, you should get dressed, Blaine. It’s early enough for us to grab a nice brunch.”

Peeking around Sam’s back, Blaine asked, “What?”

“Silly, I came to spend your birthday with you. We’re going to go out…Sam, you can entertain Rachel while we’re…catching up.”

Blaine blinked, but before he could speak, Sam said, “No, Sam will not entertain Rachel. Sam will spend the day with Blaine while you two go find a hotel.”

The looks of unhappy shock on Kurt and Rachel’s faces would have been amusing if the whole situation wasn’t so horrific. Somehow, the fact that their behavior was grossly inappropriate had escaped them. “Blaine!” Kurt exclaimed. “Are you going to allow him to speak to me like that after I came all this…Keep that beast away from me!”

Nyota had leapt off of the bed and planted herself between Blaine, Sam and Kurt. She was growling softly, though not making any aggressive moves.

“She’s not a beast,” Sebastian said with a raised brow. “She’s just protecting her Daddies.”

“Your animals are rather aggressive,” Rachel said, looking up to where the cats were perched on the armoire and Wolverine hissed down at her.

“I’ve never seen either of them behave like that before,” Blaine said with a puzzled look down at Nyota. “What’s wrong, Baby Girl?”

As he bent to gather her up for a cuddle, Sam plucked the cats off of the tall cabinet and held them close.

“Blaine, could you please pay attention and tell Sam to stop interfering with our day!” Kurt demanded, crossing his arms. “We want to get a good seat on a patio at a café, so we should get moving.”

Gaping at Kurt, Blaine shook his head. “No. Because Sam isn’t interfering, you are, Kurt. I’m going to spend my birthday with my boyfriend. I’m dating Sam, not you.”

“Oh please, you can drop the act. It’s just us here, so you two don’t have to pretend. I’m sure you don’t want to spend today….”

“Shut up, Kurt!” Blaine snapped, seeming to surprise even himself. “No one invited you here to spoil my birthday!”

As Kurt and Rachel stared, once again dumbstruck, Sebastian made a sound of approval and Sam shifted the cats into one arm so he had one free to wrap around Blaine’s shoulders.

“How can you say that….,” Rachel began, but was interrupted as the door burst open once again.

“Oh my God! I didn’t believe Sebastian when he called….”

“Ustedes dos egocéntricos, ignorantes Fuckettes! Yo sabía que ustedes dos no shitgoblins talento fueron engañados, pero maldición! Newsflash, tetas de bolos y gallo Malabarismo Thundercunt, nadie quiere que usted allí! Teniendo en cuenta la enorme inversión craneal rectal que tienes pasando, estoy desconcertado en cuanto a cómo se arreglan para creer que su mierda no apesta!  Haz un favor al mundo y vete a coger un cactus…..” *******

“I called Sugar,” Sebastian said with a grin thrown at the small girl, who was holding up her phone so that she and Santana (via FaceTime) could berate Kurt and Rachel in stereo. “Want me to call the crew that moved me into my apartment? I’m sure if we tip them good, they’ll get rid of Kurt and Rachel along with all their stuff.”

Pressing a kiss to the top of Blaine’s head, Sam sighed. “t might come to that, but I think we should try getting them to leave willingly first.”

Somehow, Blaine didn’t think that was going to be an easy task…but he was willing to try.

If it didn’t work, Sebastian’s movers could be their back up plan.

**

**

“Is he seriously singing….?” Sam began, gaping at the karaoke stage where Kurt was belting out a Katy Perry song.

Rachel swatted at him.  “Sshhhh! Hold your tongue!”

Beside Sam, Blaine sputtered, “But…he’s singing The One That Got Away.  With customized lyrics and staring intently at me.  That’s grossly inappropriate.”

“Shhhhhh!”

With a grimace, Sebastian drawled “Why are we here?”

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Blaine curled under Sam’s arm and ate the cherry off of his virgin pina colada.  “It was the only way to get them to agree to staying in a hotel without forcible removal.”

“Sh-mph!” Rachel began, but was cut off when Sugar wrapped a hand around her mouth.

The younger girl narrowed her eyes and hissed, “I swear to God, Rachel, you shush us one more time, I will rip out your extensions and gag you with them.”

With a relieved chuckle, Sebastian raised his glass to Sugar in a toast. “Thank you, Sugar.  You’ve been added to my ‘Totally Doable If She Had A Dick” list.”

She beamed at him. “Aw, aren’t you sweet, Sebastian.”

**

**

As Blaine and Sam stood in line at the café near their apartment, they were shocked when Kurt  popped up beside them. “So, I was looking over one of your scripts…”

Blaine blinked and traded a look with Sam.  “What?  Where did you find that?”

“In your desk drawer.  Anyhow, I was thinking, that if they beefed up the Nova character, it’d be perfect for me,” Kurt said and Rachel nodded as she joined him, wearing a dress that would have looked at home at a cocktail party rather than a coffee shop.

“And I think I’d be suited for playing Barbara!” Rachel added, peering out from behind oversized shades.  “It’s fate, given my idol!”

“What? Bobbi Morse has already been cast and Nova isn’t in any script I’ve seen….” Sam said, grabbing his and Blaine’s drinks from the counter even as Kurt pulled out a copy of script pages…which, how the hell did he have those?

A thin, pale finger jabbed at several lines.  “See, I could totally play this part!”

“We’ve already cast Noh-Varr too,” Blaine sighed, trying to make his way out of the shop so that they could head to work.

Kurt and Rachel followed at their heels.  “Well, what parts were you thinking for Rachel and I?  Clearly it would be a waste of our talents to cast us as extras.”

Again, Sam and Blaine shared a look.  “We don’t have any part in casting.”

“You got Mike and Puck parts!”  Rachel protested.  “With our skill and resumes, surely no one will want to miss a chance to cast us!”

“No, they came by set and were asked if they’d like to be extras.  We didn’t get them the jobs,”  Blaine protested, biting his lip when he realized his mistake.

“Fine, let’s go to set!”

**

**

**

**

“That was humiliating!”

“They offered you both….” Blaine began, intending to sooth bruised egos, but Kurt cuth him off.

“Extras! Rachel and I are not extras, it’s insulting!  How dare they!” Kurt bemoaned and Rachel let out a disgruntled huff beside him.  “You really need to have a word with those people about their inability to recognize talent!”

Sam gritted his teeth, but managed to be civil as he asked, “So…when do you two have to be back in New York?”

Honestly, Blaine didn’t think it could be soon enough.

**

**

(Turk Rant about spotting Blaine out in LA with his ‘real boyfriend’ Kurt)

**

**

TBC....

**Translation (again, via Google Translate):   You two self centered, ignorant Fuckettes! I knew you two no talent shitgoblins were deluded, but damn! Newsflash, Skittle Tits and Cock Juggling Thundercunt, no one wants you there! Considering the massive cranial rectal inversion you’ve got going on, I’m baffled as to how you still manage to believe your shit don’t stink!  Do the world a favor and go fuck a cactus....

[canaryatlaw]

So, today was pretty good, possibly not as productive as I would've liked but that's okay for now. Tomorrow and Sunday I'm really going to buckle down on the paper and get that done with so I can focus on the test Monday and Tuesday. So I had my PT appointment at 1:30 today and set my clock for 12:55 (I generally take 35 minutes from waking up to getting out the front door, but I wasn't doing my make up so I could cut those ten minutes and add them onto walking over there since it's not far). But when my alarm went off I convinced myself I could sleep for 10 more minutes, though I can't really remember my reasoning, but I just grabbed a donut (my last free one) for breakfast and ran over to make it in time. Did the normal warm up, and had a pretty good session. There was an older lady on the table next to me that I was talking to a bit and she was nice. I'm glad that a lot of the exercises seem to be focusing on building core muscles, because that's also like generally ab related, so I'm happy about that. After I finished and started walking home, I stopped at this antique store next door that was officially going out of business tomorrow and everything they had left was on sale for a dollar. I mean....that's pretty hard to pass up. So I took a while and looked around for some pretty great stuff. I got this huge teapot that doesn't have a lid but it's super big and gorgeous and was originally marked for $45, so that's a steal. I got a set of very nice China plates with flowers and such of course, then I got a series of old music books and one cookbook. One of the owners was showing me the music books and telling me a lot of them had come from the same house, and you could trace the inscriptions back and forth- like one would be gifted to a granddaughter by her grandparents and then another would be from the granddaughter to her grandparents, which was just so very cool. A lot of it was old hymns that I've somehow taken a liking to, I'm not entirely sure how that happened lol but there were also some loose music pages they let me have for free that we could use for decorating because my roommate gets all creative with that sorts of stuff. So I ended up spending $12 came out with a bunch of stuff, so that's awesome. I came back to the apartment to find my roommate there with her parents who have come to town for a visit. We chatted for a bit, then I confined myself to my room to get some studying done being that it was almost 4 at this point. So I started by actually watching the quimbee videos, then going back and retaking the quizzes and final, and I think they were pretty helpful. After that I started reviewing my case briefs along with the ones on quimbee to make sure I had all the pertinent information. I did this for a good while before eventually passing out in the middle of my books again, clearly for no good reason being that I slept till 1 o clock. Ugh. I'm not sure exactly what time it was when I fell asleep but I woke up around 8:30 and I figured I should be done with studying for the night. So I went to the den/living room/whatever we call it and finished the last two episodes of 13 reasons why. This was slightly awkward as my roommate and her parents came back and were moving around when the show was throwing around "fuck" and such so I texted my roommate to make sure her parents weren't going to like, get offended by me watching it haha but she said it was fine so I felt better. The last two of course we're very heavy. Finally being done with the series, I have a lot of thoughts. I totally understand the point of view of those calling it dangerous, and it definitely is to the kind of kids who are struggling with these issues- but the thing is, the story isn't aimed at them. This isn't a story of how to be Hannah Baker. It's a story aimed at the bystanders- all the people who did something to contribute or just stood by and let something terrible happen. For them, I think they needed to be able to grasp just how serious this was and how their actions can affect people. The problem of course is that it's going to appeal to kids with mental health issues, like the book appealed to me when I was a suicidal teenager, so we have to be very careful with that. Hopefully any suicidal thoughts or ideation brought on by the show will be accompanied by a desire to reach out for help so they don't have the same ending. That's my hope, anyway. As far as specific moments in the episode, as expected, I could not watch the act itself. As it started I had my hand partially covering my eyes, kind of looking through my fingers, but then when it happened I cringed and covered my eyes immediately because there was just no way I was watching that. I already get so anxious about other portrayals that involve people hurting themselves (even for like, medical necessary reasons and shit, it just freaks me out). But then of course I had to watch the scene where her parents found her, which I knew was coming, and I just found myself sobbing because my heart broke for them so much. I feel selfish for every having thought of putting my parents through that, but I know the truth is I couldn't see past all that was in front of me, I couldn't see any of that which I should've. But it just broke me so much to see that happen and know that it happens to families every single day. Hit me in the gut like a sucker punch. Anyway. The depositions were interesting, it was interesting to see how talked how they did and what questions were asked. Not gonna lie, I would so watch a season 2 based around this trial, but that's probably just because I'm a giant legal nerd. I fucking need Clay's mom to quit the case though. Like I said, with Clay on the subpoena list that is a MASSIVE conflict of interest of truly epic proportions, and would never, ever, ever fly in reality. But mostly I just want her to quit for her son, because she sees how much this is affecting him and she decides she won't be a part of it. That I would love to see, though I really don't know if they'd go down that path as they seem to be sticking pretty firm to her as the lawyer. An article I read giving possible theories of season 2 also offered up the idea of Bryce's rape trial, which holyyyy shit I would watch that in a heartbeat, lol. I was so proud of Jessica by the end when she was going to tell her dad. She wasn't perfect by any means and she did quite a few bad things, but she was such a wounded character and I'm glad she's finally speaking the truth. Justin intrigued me. He at first has the image of the All American athlete with the perfect life, but then you see his home and how he's treated and it's just like shit, man. That's complicated. I have to say though, I was probably most intrigued by Tyler's character. He's SUCH a complex character. He's clearly written to be unsympathetic, but at the same time you do want to sympathize with him, even when another part of you still doesn't want to sympathize with him. He's very complicated in that one. The article suggested that if Tyler goes on his school shooting rampage as was vaguely suggested in the finale, maybe season 2 would be his 13 reasons why, but I don't think that would work in the same way. Taking someone else's life is a hell of a lot different than taking your own, and I think if Tyler killed 13 people nobody would be interested in hearing his sympathetic reasons for doing so. So I don't think that will happen. And then there's Alex. Oh, Alex. I hope he lives. He got shit on unfairly for so much of this series and it just made me sad, and it clearly effected him to the point where he apparently shot himself (though apparently there is a fan theory that Tyler shot him, as indicated by Tyler then taking his picture down). I had mixed feelings about the guidance counselor. On one hand you could tell that he was trying, but on the other he was just fucking up so damn badly and just saying all the wrong things and like, I hate that so many people have had that experience with counselors. I just really hope this doesn't stop people who are struggling from seeking help, because that would be a damn shame. So yeah. I wrote up something to post on Facebook tomorrow that maybe I'll cross-post on here just as a summary of my thoughts moving forward and what our actions should be. I was pretty pleased with how it turned out. Okay, that's it for me tonight. Somehow I'm tired yet again, even though I took a nap not long ago. I'm starting to think this melatonin might be a bit too powerful. Idk, we'll see when finals are over. Luckily I can sleep in tomorrow anyway so it's all good. Goodnight my dearies. Stay lovely.