#so really simp to your heart's content. it might even save humanity one day

[awesome-cookies-and-cream]

I've constantly enjoyed stanxeno's parallel with the KoS and Senku's closest friends, but anyway I love rambling since s5 aired. Anyway

Obviously, one of the main parallels should be Taijuu since Stan occupies the brawn best friend to Xeno. But I thought, isn't Stan more like Tsukasa in terms of attitude? When Tsukasa was dying and recalled a what-if scenario, he thought about being there with Senku as a childhood friend. I thought, yea that would be more fitting, isn't it?

But Tsukasa wasn't there. Instead, it was Taijuu and later on, Yuzuriha.

And that's the main difference between them I think (besides obviously Byakuya, but we didn't see Xeno's parents). Senku has Yuzuriha to help them with her own set of skills and the three of them were truly good friends (which i'm really glad honestly. at first impression, i thought taijuu was just going to be simping over her. but senku knows 1 billion % it's reciprocated because the 3 are close. good for them.)

Meanwhile, Xeno only has Stan, who truly is worth about four people in the KoS alone skills and relationship-wise (Tsukasa, Taijuu, Ryusuui and Gen) but also meant that they're pretty cut off from the rest of the world. so you get Xeno's frustrations later on.

which goes down to Senku and Xeno's philosophical differences. Senku puts human cooperation above brute force, reflected on all his friends and family because he has people who understood the joys of creation and knowledge acquisition for curiosity's sake (of course he also happened to be with 2 of the most kind-hearted people in the world. meanwhile he's such a scheming gremlin lol)

Anyway. i think it's nicely woven in. Xeno's jaded self would immediately build an empire. while Senku worked on finding a cure. Granted, Senku woke up alone. Xeno had Stan (and platinum). Perhaps if Xeno woke up alone, he'd find a way to wake up Stan too. Even with platinum, there's only so much he can do.

All of that to say:

[vs-redemption]

This is the second piece out of seven written for the one year anniversary collaboration event for the @konoblog-simps discord. I encourage everyone to check out the masterlist for today's prompt and support the other creators. Some content is not suitable for minors so please pay attention to the warnings.

Prompt: Angst (Armin Arlert x GN!Reader)

Word count: 1.7K Warnings: None?

Armin hadn’t seemed like much when you first met him during cadet training, at least not to most people. He was smaller and scrawnier than all the other aspiring soldiers, falling dangerously behind during endurance tests and getting overpowered by everyone in the one on one sparring sessions. It was no secret that people questioned his decision to keep pushing himself through, but you saw the potential in him that others failed to.

It was the subtle things you noticed at first. When everyone else complained about the brutal conditions of the training, threatening half-heartedly about giving up, Armin never seemed to waver. Even when he seemed like he might pass out from exhaustion at any moment, sweat pouring down his face and breath coming in labored pants, his eyes remained sharp and determined. Even when he’d been knocked roughly to the ground a hundred times, there was never even a hint that he might be thinking of giving up or running away. It was a little scary actually, but also admirable. Somehow, watching him struggle and endure gave you the strength to carry on as well.

“I… think I have a crush on you.”

You wished for the ground to swallow you up as soon as the confession slipped past your lips. It was so embarrassing to admit it out loud, but after joining the scouting regiment you knew that time was no longer a luxury for you. Nobody was guaranteed a tomorrow once you accepted a position in the scouts, so keeping your feelings inside seemed like a waste. All humiliation from the situation was worth it anyway when you saw the blush creep into Armin’s cheeks.

“Uh…oh.” His response wasn’t exactly awe inspiring, but at least you’d gotten it off your chest. For a moment you wondered if he was even going to respond. Surely he respected you enough to give you an answer either way instead of ignoring the situation completely. He’d never run away from anything before. Thankfully, he didn’t disappoint, and after a pause asks you to sit with him at dinner that night.

The concept of dating in the survey corps didn’t really exist. It was hard enough to try and find a moment just to be by yourself let alone create any type of romantic situation that could be considered a date. It was nice to have that feeling of companionship though. Armin always made sure to spend time with you each day, laughing at your jokes and slowly opening up enough to tell you about the world he imagined was waiting out beyond the walls.

Perhaps there were beautiful landscapes like the ones Armin described to you during meals when he held your hand in his, blue eyes shining with wonder and excitement, but what you encountered during scouting expeditions was the complete opposite of the pictures he’d painted inside your mind. The higher ups had explained exactly what to expect before your first mission, but nothing could’ve prepared you for the actual size of the titans and the amount of death and carnage you’d been forced to witness. Each time you and Armin managed to come out alive seemed like a miracle.

“How much longer do you think we can outrun death before it finally catches one of us?” You ask him sadly. The thought of losing him was unbearable to you, but somehow he still held that spark of resolve.

“We aren’t just outrunning it,” He assures you, pulling you into his arms and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We’re outsmarting it. The scouts are creating new advantages all the time. Commander Erwin is always coming up with new strategies, and I really think the new thunder spears will make a huge difference for us.”

“But there’s so much we still don’t know,” you remind him. The mysteries of the titans had continued to unfold during your time in the scouts, revealing that there were people who could actually control the monsters from the inside, and that some of them had been traitors the entire time. It was hard sometimes to hold onto the hope that things could get better.

“I can’t make any promises about the future,” Armin admits, his voice calm and soothing despite what he was saying. “But I do know that our chances of seeing the wonders of the world are higher if we keep fighting than if we give up.”

It was just like him to say something like that, and it brought you comfort knowing that he was still the same brave boy you knew from back in the cadet corps, before everything had gotten so horribly confusing. What you hadn’t realized though, was that those traits of his that you admired so much, should’ve been the ones you’d feared.

Your heart had gone cold inside your chest when you heard that he’d tried to sacrifice himself during what everyone was calling the Battle of Shiganshina. However, calling it a battle was laughable. It had been more like a slaughter. Almost the entire scouting regiment had been completely wiped out, including Commander Erwin. You had no idea how you’d even made it out alive, and the only reason you still had Armin was due to the merciful intervention of Captain Levi and the precious titan serum that had been entrusted to him.

Armin wasn’t the same for a while after everything that had happened, and you couldn’t blame him. People were not shy about criticizing him for getting a second chance at life when so many others had died, including the brilliant commander who’d secured so many victories for humanity in the past. He kept to himself a lot, looking miserable at best. As the scouts pushed forward and began to make plans for what would come next, you thought things would get better, but Armin remained distant. He avoided you at meal times and always had an excuse not to be in the same room as you. It hurt you to see him act this way, so you bided your time until you found the chance to confront him.

“I thought it was obvious that we can’t be together anymore,” his voice was dead as if pushing you away didn’t have an effect on him at all.

“What?” tears had already sprung into your eyes, “That makes no sense at all, Armin. Why would you think that?”

“I’ve inherited the colossal titan,” he explains after a sigh. “My life has an expiration date now. Thirteen years… and then I’ll die.” Of course that had been a hard tidbit of information to swallow at first, and your heart still panged with sadness when you thought about it.

“That means we should make the most of the time we still have together, doesn’t it?” You ask weakly. “I know having the colossal titan is a heavy burden to bear, but I’m more than willing to stay by your side and help lighten the load.”

Something in Armin suddenly snaps and he gets a wild look on his face as tears spring into his eyes. “You don’t understand!” His voice was louder now and you flinch away as he points both his hands at himself frantically. “It should be Commander Erwin standing here right now! Not me! It’s not just the burden of carrying the colossal titan. I also have to try and prove that my life was worth saving over his! Somehow, I have to live up to the standards and expectations he left behind!”

“Armin…” You weren’t sure what to say. You’d never seen him look so distressed and unhinged. “Don’t listen to what everyone else has been saying. They weren’t there. They don’t know…”

“What they’re saying is right!” Armin insists, dragging a hand over his face as his thoughts continued to spiral into turmoil. “We just found out that there’s humanity outside the walls… whole nations that want to destroy us! And the greatest commander we’ve ever known is dead…”

“You’re just as great as him,” you pause for a moment before looking down in embarrassment. “That’s why I fell in love with you.”

“And that’s why I have to let you go,” the comment comes out sounding strangled and you look back up at him wearily.

“I don’t understand,” you admit, his rejection hitting you hard and sending waves of sadness and embarrassment through you.

“I heard someone say that Erwin was only such a great leader because he was able to turn himself into a devil, able to make unbelievable sacrifices for the good of the people as a whole,” Armin explains, his voice back to the flat emotionless tone from before. “If I ever hope to be even a fraction of the man he was, I’ll have to give up my humanity too. I can’t make decisions based on who I care about or what my own personal dreams are for the future. I just… can’t be with you.”

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, letting it all sink in. That spark you’d always seen in his eyes was still there, but darker somehow. Standing before you was the same brave and determined boy you’d met all those years ago, just a different version. He’d never run away from anything in his life, and it was clear that he wasn’t going to run away from the duties that had been placed upon him now. It was just painful knowing the things you loved most about Armin, were the exact traits that ended up breaking your heart.

“I see,” you swallow back your sadness and force a smile. “Well, I know that if victory is possible for us on this little island, it’ll be you who leads us there.”

“Thank you,” Armin nods his head solemnly. “I hope you’re right.”

As he turns and walks away, you try to console yourself as best you can. In truth, Armin’s selflessness only made you love and respect him all the more. And even if he talked about throwing away his humanity, you knew there was no way he’d ever truly harden his heart to the people he cared about. Perhaps if you both made it out of this alive, you’d be able to help him find himself again, and explore all the beautiful places he’d always dreamed of seeing.

[i-need-air]

OKAY OKAY I'M READY I'M SO HAPPY!!CONGRATS FOR 200 AND IMMA STOP SCREAMING! I love your content so much i 👉👈 Could you write soft married hc for Aizawa? I loved the Hawks ones so mcuh and MERRY CHRISTMAS

I just realized I never wrote anything about Aizawa and I just stared into distance silently for some good minutes because the audacity I have, I'm—

I'm so happy that you're happy and thank youuu 💕 I really loved these soft married hcs so I'm glad I'm getting to do more too!! Sorry it took me a few days, anon, but Christmas was time consuming. But it's here now! So thank you for the request, it made me super giddy. Merry Christmas to you too [ a day too late hueh ] 💕💕💕

AIZAWA SHOUTA: Soft Married HCs.

× he's the type of man that goes with the flow

× as a more laid back, calm man, he'd appreciate more a smaller wedding with the people that he cares most about

× but at the end of the day he doesn't really care how it happens as long as it's with you

× it might come out weird but that's who he is: Aizawa wants to marry you because of you and that's it

× want a big wedding? cool, he can take it

× just do not make Present Mic sing

× lmfao who are we kidding, that man has a whole ass show prepared for you but that's another story;;

× so ✨The Big Day✨ comes

× doesn't lose his nerves or anything, he's very chill about it since you're both in your separate rooms to prepare yourselves and stuff

× but once he sees you? babe, he's soft

× i totally mean it

× we simp for this man because we know how soft he truly is, yet I feel you don't get how fucking soft he is for you

× his heart melts, his dark eyes are just on you as you approach him, mesmerized, absolutely in love and it shows

× he has this soft smile on his face that's just so perfect and peaceful...

× gently takes your hand to guide you towards him faster

× and i feel that if you reached marriage point with this man, even this small gesture is so natural for both of you, the intimacy of it repeated so many times that it's only natural for you to reach and grab it without hesitation, you get me?

× [ and that's how he realized he'd ask you to take the next step in your relationship, when it dawned on him that you complete each other; the comfort, the love, the intimacy, the harmony you shared... becho ass he asked you while cuddling in bed or something, in the middle of a snuggling session, voice low, hums shared, iddle conversation going on and he just... does ]

× a tease in his vows, but lowkey

× he knows when to step up his game and knows how serious this is, so he'll make you fall for him all over again in just a few sentences; then proceeds to end it with teasing and a half smirk

× Eri is the ring bearer, fight me on this

× it's a known fact he basically adopted her at this point so it's a package deal but for real, who wouldn't love Eri? like get out

× he knew this already but nothing changes after the wedding

× that's not bad, that's perfect for him

× the difference is the wedding ring he has on his finger that he always plays with whenever he's about to fall asleep, or stares at when he's trying to overcome a hard day

× it's the comfort that it gives him, you know?

× knowing that the love of his life is there for him is what gets him through all of it

× he seeks a routine, a safe spot and life at home is that for both of you

× a place to relax and seek each other's company

× he's a silent man, so being in the same room and each doing your own thing is still quality time for Aizawa, as long as you're there

× even sleeping together

× this man will definitely 100% no doubt use you as a human pillow

× his head? on your chest

× hey, quick tip: play with his hair, pretty please?

× overgrown grumpy cat man definitely loves that

× imagine this: rare free day for both of you, the sound of food sizzling in a pan in the kitchen as you play with Eri in the living room, not knowing a black pair of eyes watches you both fondly from the door

× full apron and messy bun on his head and gentle smile on his features

× everything falls in place for him from time to time

× or more likely, through his chaotic life, coming home to you and being able to observe these types of sceneries just fills his chest with warmth and makes him realize that yeah, this is what he wanted and needed all along

× if you want a pet you're definitely getting a cat

× but only after a lot of begging

× a lot

× he knows he's busy so he might not be able to take care of it all the time, so you better accept some responsibility

× will talk to the cat like it's a grown ass human being, full conversations complaining about everything

× "you get me, right?"

× meow

× "hmm"

× inside jokes and teasing

× all while having this sweet sparkle in his eyes, adoring this bond only you two share

× Aizawa loves silently yet he doesn't hesitate to tell you

× although he mostly saves those words for whenever you're both about to fall asleep, almost dozed off just to get a sleepy, comfortable "I love you too" back because those are his favorites

× will verbally destroy anyone that dares to even attempt to talk shit about you [ ik it's random but i had to drop it somewhere ]

× bc he is protective

× looks laid back and definitely has no problem with you dealing with your own stuff since he knows you are capable of handling it

× but he will cut a bitch, just sayin

× only his close friends know about you; he doesn't see the need to talk about you or mention he's married unless let's say someone is overstepping

× you know that one couple that always bicker like old married people? that's you guys

× throwing shade at each other while you fight a grin

× complaining about each other jokingly

× all that adorable squabble gives him life

× so yeah, Aizawa has his own way of loving you

× but there won't be a day that passes without letting you know in his subtle way that he is thinking about you or about how much he loves and appreciates you

× he's so thankful to have you in his life

[sneck-lemonade]

Corset- Garou x GN!Reader

Not overly NSFW but since its on my NSFW blog I would prefer no minors.

After I wrote it it progressively got more nsfw so def no minors allowed.

I’ll post a more SFW version to @hero--for--fun

@unclegarou here ya go ya simp, content of your man because I can't write King atm

~Lately you’d seen Garou’s eyes wandering, and you were convinced it was because you weren’t as attractive as before. You’d be walking with him and he’d be looking everywhere except at you.

~ You’d tried dressing cute, you tried doing your hair different, you even tried dressing a little bit slutty for him. They worked for a bit, but then he would just lose interest again. UGH WHY IS HE LIKE THIS

~After seeing a new trend on Tiktok you were inspired to try something new. You saw a lot of people putting on corsets and tightening them, and then putting on these leggings that made ya booty POP. The result was a very pleasing curve. You bought the leggings almost immediately.

~You had gotten the corset from Scamazon. A shady site, but it was so cheap and Garou was on your Amazon account and you didn’t want him seeing this. It was gonna be a surprise.

~The second it arrived you threw it on and looked at yourself in the mirror. Not much of a difference yet....So you kept tightening it, and tightening it, and tightening it....Until you couldn’t get it any tighter. “Perfect!” You squeaked out before you pulled on a shirt and the leggings. Everything felt fine, and you were excited to show Garou the results!

~Couch Potato was on the couch when you came out the bedroom, and you knew he hadn’t been there five minutes ago. He always came in and out as he pleased, and hopefully in a few hours he was going to be coming in and out of you. Hopefully not on the couch though, he got blood on it last week and hadn’t bothered cleaning it up.

~”Oh Garou~” You sang as you came around the couch. 

~”Hell you want brat, can’t you see I’m busy?” He opened his eyes, a smile already on his face even before he saw you. One look and his eyes bulged out his head. “You.....You uh...:”

~”I’m going out for a bit, you need anything?” You asked, putting a hand on your hip. That felt weird, but you played it off. “Seeing as how your soooo busy.”

~Garou’s already up and heading to the door. “Lets go, where we going?” He’s sharing the braincell with a dog about to go on a walk, and his treat is how nice your ass looks in those leggings.

~Yeah, his eyes are on you alright, along with his hands and lips. However, your keeping those hands off your sides because you want to keep your little secret to yourself for now.

~You two are out and about for about two hours before your body starts to feel weird. Your sides are killing you at this point, and you can’t breathe too well. 

~You were about 30 minutes from the house when your body just gave out, and a surge of pain shot through your side. You collapsed, and Garou lunged to save the eggs before realizing you were falling as well. Two birds in one stone, he got you and the eggs.

~Thats when he felt it.

"Whats is this?" He asked harshly as he began lifting up your shirt.

"Nothing, Garou I'm fi-!"

~One look and you shut up as he carries you into a secluded area nearby and begins inspecting the corset. His silence is heavy, and it says a lot. Its a matter of seconds before he hooks a nail under the lace in the back and cuts it open, causing that modern day torture device to practically shoot off.

~Your entire lower half is covered in bruises, with the most prominent being where the corsets cheap plastic spines had been literally DIGGING into your skin, leaving the most angry marks you'd ever seen. The corsets pattern was actually visible in your flesh as Garou inspected you carefully.

~"Your an idiot." Garou snarled as he yanked your shirt down. He managed to get you and the groceries up.

~You kept quiet the rest of the way home. When you got pulled into a secluded area you wanted it to be so your back could get blown, not your plan!

~Garou won't talk to you on the way back, and he won't let you talk. Whatever going on in his mind is an enigma. Its probably dry wall

~At home he peels off your shirt as gently as he can and lays you on the couch. He's kind enough to toss you a pair of sweatpants too, though not gonna lie, he was really planning on banging you later. Had the corset not been there, you might have gotten some human monster dick.

~Once your situated he flicks your forehead. "Do something stupid again and I'll show you why I'm the human monster." He flicks you again as he starts to walk away. "Any thoughts in that head of yours or are you truly Dummy thick?"

~"......You don't look at me the way you used to.....You.....You haven't looked at me that way until I did this." You can't even bear to look at him, because one look and the tears will happen and you know he's not emotionally capable of comforting you and it'll be awful.

~"Because I have an image to uphold and heroes t-.......If you start crying I'm not go-......Just.....Shit...." Garou put a hand on your shoulder. "Listen kid, I only have the heart eyes for you and the evil eyes for everyone else. I'll work on it, but as I stated before. Any more stupid ideas a-!"

~"Like.....Human Monster sex o-!"

"No. Thats the only stupid idea your allowed to have." Garou held up the leggings. "I'm keeping these for when your better, and if you bring any more of those torture tubes in here I'm leaving."

~The next few days Garou inspects your torso and ensures that your at least healing. He doesn't wanna deal with the hospitals but at the same time you kinda fucked yourself up.

~Sex is off the table until the brusies are gone. He likes to gently run his hands up and down your sides though, thats always nice.

~As promised he does pay more attention to you. He doesn't always mean to lose focus, but his brains a thousand and one places at once and their always dumb places. He's literally one gas station visit away from medically being declared a Chad or Kyle.

~Likes the leggings on you.

~Garou totally dragged you to a cheap doctor so they could lecture you on corset dangers and then dragged you to a lingere store to see how corsets properly go. He also played with a dildo on the counter. Just watched it jump around for like 5 minutes while the woman talked with you.

~He later got banned.

[arigatouiris]

an inconvenient crush // kenma kozume x reader (1/2)

Author’s Note: A new story?? SO SOON?? Thank you for all the love for my previous Kuroo story, it meant the world to me. I write for myself primarily, yes, but it brings me SO MUCH JOY to know that my words reach you. It helps with the motivation to put them out more often. Thank you. This story is very close to my heart because I’m a gamer, although I don’t stream. I’m more like Kenma though, personality wise. Haha.

Word count: 5k+

Pairing: YouTuber! Kenma Kozume x Streamer! Reader

Summary: YouTuber Kozume Kenma has had the biggest crush on Twitch Streamer, (s/n) (y/n), who in actuality simps heavily after Kenma's secret YouTube persona, puddinghead0.

What happens when their paths cross?

Kuroo is honestly tired of Kenma's second-guessing, and (y/n) is a bit of a crackhead.

Warnings: unrequited love, one-sided crush, slight angst, pining, crackhead reader, internet bullying, slang, gaming references, haikyuu manga spoilers, fluff

C h a p t e r O n e : puddinghead0

Kozume Kenma suddenly turned existential when his eyes shifted to his phone screen for the 12th time in ten minutes.

Was he always doing this? Was he always obsessed with his phone to a point where he'd constantly check for notifications? Did this mean he was deeply lonely on the inside and wanted approval from people on a virtual platform, which meant that the approval was also virtual and none of it was real? Did it mean that he craved to nullify the growing void in his chest by distracting himself with a black mirror that showcased light that could permanently impair his sight?

He let out a breath and forced himself not to look at his phone. He didn't care. It didn't matter. That's what he always said.

    "Hey!" His classmate/room-mate screamed from the entrance to his flat, "Are you watching her stream? Posted two minutes ago!"

His phone was definitely slow. He had been checking his phone but there was no notification. Letting out a breath, and giving himself a mental reason to actually check his phone, Kenma opened the notifications tab to see the one notification he had kept his eye out for had been buried under ridiculous facebook notifs.

An inconvenient crush, that's what he told himself whenever he looked at you. You were a streamer, a bit different from what he did on YouTube because you were primarily on Twitch. There were reaction videos of you on YouTube, which was where he found you, but damn—how could one be pretty while rage-quitting a game? It was abnormal. Nothing about you was normal; college student/Twitch streamer, an apparent baker in your mother's bakery, game reviewer for Sony, and you were insanely cute.

    "She's getting to that part," his roommate commented from behind Kenma's back, while Kenma really just wanted to watch the video in peace, "Shit, she's gonna cry."

You did cry, quite a few times, and too easily if he could add. You cried at the ending of God of War, you cried to The Last of Us (which made sense, but you were perhaps just bawling throughout the entire game), you cried in a game called Detroit: Become Human, you cried far too easily, but you never really quit. He loved how passionate you were about games, and it was the sort of passion he could completely understand.

    "Oh shit," You said in the video, your eyes scanning all over the game screen, "What's happening? What's happening?"

Kenma chuckled at how cute you were, god, you were killing him. You looked worried, and he could visibly see a sweat drop on your forehead, but you were so focused that it didn't matter. Suddenly, there was a screaming sound from the game you were playing, and your eyes popped open as wide as they possibly could and you just sat there, unmoving. He loved how you never squealed or made any loud reactions, except when you were in a fight with a difficult boss, but whenever something traumatic happened, you just froze and sunk it all in. You were currently playing the second part of The Last of Us, and a traumatic scene was definitely happening. Kenma had just finished playing it the night before, so every scene you were playing was familiar.

    "I officially hate this game," You said, your voice breaking and he desperately wanted to hold you, "Fucking hell."

    "God, she's amazing." Kenma's roommate said, eyes turning into literal hearts.

    "Hm." Yeah, she is, Kenma thought, but could never really say.

As a YouTuber himself who streams games, he was aware that you were not as popular, and it was a fact that he really didn't like. Sure, you were on a less popular platform, but Twitch was incredibly popular by itself as well. He also understood the bias that came with being a female gamer, and while it sounded ridiculous to him, Kenma was one of those people who believed gaming required no gender.

He adored your content, and he secretly adored the hell out of you, so seeing you soar would only make him happy.

    "I... I can practically feel what pain she's feeling right now," You spoke about the game, a lone tear threatening to leak out of your eye, "But! We shall persevere. I've been waiting 7 years for this game, so I won't let... won't let something like this halt my interest. Let's see if this has a point to it all."

God, he adored you. But, Kenma considered it an inconvenient crush because of course, the world was small. The first big crush he has on someone and he hoped it would remain over the internet, but it just had to become something more tangible, something that could make him weak in the knees.

You, a college student/Twitch streamer, an apparent baker in your mother's bakery, a game reviewer for Sony, insanely cute, and also happened to be one of his YouTube channel's biggest fans.

He had only recently discovered your personal twitter handle, and dear lord, you were simping after him with no remorse. It wasn't as if he was all you talked about, but he had also noticed the trajectory of the games you were playing were on par with his own timeline. Kenma had finished his final stream for The Last of Us II just the night before and you had now started playing it. Right before that, it was Bloodborne, and before that, it was Final Fantasy VII Remake. However, your public handle was a lot more professional and despite knowing that it was there, he hadn't sent you a follow request because well, Kenma called himself an introvert in every matter but Kuroo just said he was shy.

While he knew that he could easily approach you and have you know he knew of your existence, Kenma preferred not to get into such detail. It was comfortable admiring you from afar, and it was comfortable being where he was—he had his company to work hard over, he was also a computer student and a YouTuber. Sure, he had his hands full especially after calling you abnormal for something that he himself was doing, but he never really fit into a bracket anyway. Kenma's latent obsession with you was something he wasn't particularly proud of and this wasn't because it had anything to do with you, but simply because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Change, in many ways, scared him. And by changing the structure or dynamics of him admiring you in secret, while you admired him not so secretly, Kenma was certain that it might not lead where he may have wanted it to go.

Surely, Kuroo was against this sort of caution, calling it cowardly and saying it lacked passion; but Kenma knew it was just a crush. There was no way he could deduce the kind of person you were based on how you gamed or reacted to games, based on the little tid-bits of information you gave out while playing those games, or even how you openly spoke about how much you admired 'puddinghead0's videos. Kenma hated Kuroo for giving him that name, but he was too lazy to come up with a new one.

    "Also," You sprung up in the final two minutes of your latest video, "I'm on Patreon, now! I honestly have no idea how it works, but if you really like the content I make and want to support me, you can become a patron and wish me luck!"

Kenma waited for his stupid roommate to go out of his room before he could open Patreon and find your link, which was thankfully in the description. Without a second thought, he donated to your profile but cussed instantly when he realized what he had done.

He had sent you a donation as himself, as 'puddinghead0's Patreon.

Without a second thought, Kenma called Kuroo and explained what had happened.

    "That is why, Kenma, you need to check a thousand times and not let blind love navigate your actions—"

    "If I knew you were going to spout such nonsense I wouldn't have called you."

He could hear Kuroo snicker while he ran a hand through his hair. Kenma groaned before Kuroo said, "How bad is this, Kenma? She'll be happy. Of course, this means she'll know you watch her content, but how bad can this be?"

    "I didn't want her to know."

    "And leave her devoid of the happiness of having her idol appreciate her content? You're cold, Kenma."

    "You don't understand. What if... What if she tries to contact me?"

    "You, my friend, have not even shared your personal account anywhere. The only way she can contact you is by commenting on your videos, which I am sure you check constantly to see if she did comment, or Tweeting, which she does every three days."

Kenma blushed at the accusation because it was true.

    "She won't know who you are. Besides, there's no harm if she even does contact you! Just tell her casually that yeah, you like her contact. I don't see what the big deal is."

    "Of course you don't—"

    "Oh, she's tweeted something."

Kenma's entire body froze. Leaving Kuroo on the call, Kenma opened Twitter on his laptop and there it was, your latest tweet.

I am trying NOT to freak out over puddinghead sending me a donation on Patreon, pls save my soul, I am dead.

Kenma groaned before hearing Kuroo laugh once more, "She's adorable!"

I know that, Kenma thought before feeling his entire face flash up. Ending Kuroo's call, Kenma looked at your public profile before then moving to your personal one. He wasn't following that one either, but he wanted to see your tweets, he wanted to know more about you—he wouldn't deny any of these facts, but Kenma believed it was far too idiotic to dream of getting to know you through a virtual media. He wasn't even the sort of person to become close to people he met in real life, how could he allow himself a virtual friendship?

The thought staggered him, and the idea behind it was what kept him at bay. Kenma wanted to know about you, talk to you, learn about who you were and what you were doing, but he felt the media that connected you was what separated you.

It wasn't cowardice at all if he was just sticking to the facts and being real.

*

The next day, Kenma walked to his class by himself, listening to the latest podcast by Joe Rogan. While the external sound wasn't entirely muted, Kenma could discern sounds of people talking, cars moving around, and other noises even though he was playing the podcast on full sound. However, there was one sound in particular that stood out. Kenma paused before turning to his right, noticing a crowd of people had gathered there, with some sort of event going on. He didn't pay attention to half the events that his college conducted, his mind was obviously quite busy elsewhere, but when the announcer moved around in a weird Joker cosplaying outfit, Kenma was a tad bit intrigued.

Was it gaming related?

He slowly moved toward the crowd before finally being able to hear what the anchor was saying.

    "We've got prizes for the top three best performers, and one of the participants is the one and only (s/n) (y/n), streamer from Twitch!"

Kenma froze, half-minded to run the hell away from there. But, it seemed as if his feet were stuck to the ground. How had he not known this? Didn't you always announce the events you go to? Why were you suddenly here? A second later, he spotted you, hair put up in an updo, a plain black tee, and regular jeans. You were smiling, but some part of that smile seemed a bit hesitant.

    "We will be playing a bit differently today! Instead of the usual Fortnite battles or Apex Legends, we'll be going went and battling out on Red Dead Online! And of course, if you beat (y/n) here you earn bragging rights!"

He noticed you shift in your position a little bit, clearly uncomfortable with the attention you were getting; it didn't even look like you wanted to be there. Kenma could feel his chest hurt, and his palms were sweating now. That's all it is, he told himself. An inconvenient crush, an inconvenient crush, that's all.

Kenma sighed before noticing how he barely knew anyone there and was almost thankful for that fact; but before he could thank his stars, a hand threw itself around his neck and sprung him forward, earning the attention of not just everyone there, but especially you.

    "We have our first participant," It was his goddamn roommate, "Kenma's a brilliant gamer!"

Kenma's eyes immediately found yours, and you were looking at him with wide, confused eyes. Although this was set in the open and the atmosphere was quite cold, Kenma felt nothing but warmth radiating all over his body at the mere sight of you; you were just a few feet away, and you were giving him a rather sympathetic expression, and god, you looked so fucking pretty—

    "That's great! Sign up, ya'll! Winner will be winning a brand new DualShock 4!"

Oh fuck, Kenma thought before he felt his heart beginning to pound. He was now seated beside you, and he could practically shrink into non-existence. You were unmoving, and you weren't looking at him, but would you have looked at him if you knew he was puddinghead? Insecurity swarmed his being and he could practically feel steam escaping his ears but a moment later, he thought he'd die.

    "This was so last minute," you said, rubbing the back of your neck, "The anchor's my cousin and she's so demanding."

    "Oh," Kenma said, feeling his heartbeat skyrocket, "I see."

    "Yeah! I mean," You giggled now, "I'm not even good at Red Dead Online!"

Kenma smirked, knowing the fact already. You struggled with Red Dead Redemption not because you were bad, but because you couldn't progress with a plot so divisive. You wanted to explore more, and since the game was so vast, you barely bothered with the Online version. You turned to him now and tilted your head.

    "You're a gamer, I heard? Kozume-kun, right?"

Fuck, she knows my name, "Y-Yeah. I game when I'm free."

    "Do you have a Twitch or YouTube?"

There's no fucking way I'll answer that, "No—"

    "Ah, you must really be having a great time then."

Kenma blinked before turning to you with confusion. What did you mean?

    "Don't you enjoy streaming?"

    "Ah, no, no," You flailed your hands shyly, and Kenma believed he could combust, "It's not like that. I just think, after a point, streaming becomes more for the fans than for yourself. I used to do it for me, but now... I'm needed in places like this for promotion, and I need to have a Patreon if I'm popular or it'll look weird, I don't know... Too many restrictions. I just love gaming, you know?"

Kenma found himself smiling, "Yeah, I know. I've seen your videos."

    "Oh?"

Kenma's eyes widened. He wanted to slap himself on his forehead.

    "I—I mean, y-you're popular."

    "Thanks! You're really sweet, Kozume-kun!"

Fucking hell, Kenma placed a hand on his forehead, She's too cute.

    "Say," you said, a sly tone to your voice, "Do you want to get out of here?"

    "I'd do anything." Kenma honestly agreed.

But, you couldn't just up and leave. You were called here as Twitch streamer (s/n) (y/n), and that meant your behavior was restricted. As much as you seemed to hate said restriction, Kenma was certain that you wouldn't go against it. It could take a big blow against your viewership, and you wouldn't take that chance.

A second later, your hand gripped his wrist before you shot him a wink. Kenma's heart jumped to the skies before you pulled him away from the crowd, with participants lining the entrance to enter their names. Sure, you were doing something bad—your cousin wanted you there, but not once had she even asked if you wanted to be a part of this event. Just as Kenma was pulled in without his consent. You weren't a competitive gamer, and you were not going to be, even if it was for someone else. After running away a fair distance, Kenma felt the part of his wrist burn right where you were touching him.

    "I think I need to run more in real life and not just as Ellie." You said, and Kenma chuckled.

    "Running's good."

    "I used to run track," You said, turning to him. "Now I run in games and that's it."

You have no right being that cute, he thought before clearing his throat. He slowly pulled away from you, which made your eyes widen before shooting him an apologetic smile. He was a bit confused as to what you had done, did this mean you didn't care about losing followers?

    "You might think that I've committed career suicide," You scoffed, "Honestly, this is the bravest I've been in so long."

    "What do you mean?"

You shrugged, "Ever since I became a bit popular by streaming, I've just... I could feel myself change with the way my viewers wanted me to be? I don't blame them or anything, I just think that the love I get from them makes me yearn for more. And that yearning leaves me... inept to be myself. It's the downside of wanting to remain popular, I guess."

    "It's not like you can't be yourself and still be popular." Kenma added.

    "Yeah I know," You said, "I mean, just look at puddinghead0, we don't even know what he looks like, and wow. I adore his content."

Kenma froze once more. Was this being recorded? Did Kuroo finally tip you off and was this being filmed for his reaction? Whatever it was, he wasn't going to reveal to you now.

    "Y-Yeah, I think he just doesn't care."

    "I wish I was more like that because I end up caring. I like the comments and the views and the love. Agh, it's such a weird complex moral question. Don't even get me started."

Kenma laughed at your reaction before you turned to him and stuck a tongue out. Kenma rolled his eyes before waving a hand at you.

    "If anything," Kenma said, looking at the ground, "You didn't lose this follower today."

Your eyes widened at his statement. You smiled before nodding, and let out a chuckle.

    "Thank you, Kozume-kun."

*

Locking the door to his room, Kenma began to edit for his latest video. He was making a review for The Last of Us 2, but his mind was elsewhere. He still hadn't told Kuroo that he had met you, which would only cause the black-haired man to tease him relentlessly. Letting out a sigh, he felt sleep douse his eyelids as he continued the edit, right before a notification popped up on his phone.

It was you.

He narrowed his eyes before checking the date and time; it was unusual for you to stream live on random days. He'd learned your pattern by now. You'd been doing this for a couple of months, and it was quite easy for him to know just when and what time you'd begin. However, the screen for The Last of Us 2 was open and you looked like you had just stopped crying. His heart broke at the sight, and he instantly closed the tabs to his own edit, before opening your video on his monitor. You were taking deep breaths before chuckling.

    "Hello to everyone that's still with me," You sounded so broken, Kenma felt helpless as he continued staring at you, "You might be wondering why I'm... yeah. So, I did something and I guess I got punished for it? I was forced into a game contest and I think walking out of it made some of my followers mad. I even spoke to this other person about walking out and honestly, it didn't hit me then that what puddinghead's doing takes a lot of courage."

    "Ah, fuck, (y/n)," Kenma groaned.

    "I guess even when I expected to lose followers, I didn't expect the hate? Some of the comments were just... nasty. I..." You sniffed, "...I didn't expect that you would hate on someone for making a personal choice? And I didn't do it to offend anyone, I seriously don't know how the internet works. Oh, oh wow—" You looked troubled and Kenma could see why. "—losing out on viewers now, great. 'Don't be a whiny bitch', 'This is why girls shouldn't game'..."

You took a deep breath before calming down and saying the few words Kenma feared you might eventually come around to say.

    "This is (y/n), signing off to a world where gaming is appreciated and is not filled with a community of hate. Hope to see you there."

And the stream ended.

Kenma sighed before leaning back, no thought in his head. He knew for a fact that his room-mate must have seen the stream as well, and Kuroo would be calling him about the entire ordeal just to ensure he had something to say about it. Kenma, on the other hand, felt like he had practically pushed you to make this decision and partly felt like taking the blame, despite the common sense telling him that he had nothing to do with it. You weren't the sort of person who would jump at something without a second thought, and even if he didn't know you personally, he had been following you and your streams for months now. It felt like he knew that part of you quite well.

Kuroo was the first to call. Kenma stared at the phone for a bit before letting out a breath and getting back to editing his video. He only had to add commentary, and his mind was already circling on what to say.

Uploading the video took him exactly two more hours, after having missed three calls from Kuroo and twelve messages. At one point, Kuroo had even stopped contacting Kenma, thinking he was busy with something, and he was spot on. Kuroo's eyes wandered on the new notification about his friend's YouTube channel, which was weird considering it was not yet time for him to post something. He knew quite well that Kenma might have definitely seen (y/n)'s stream, and wanted to desperately talk to him about it, but without a clue of what the boy was thinking, Kuroo simply clicked on the notification and let the video play out.

It was the review for the game, The Last of Us 2, and Kuroo knew while giving the review, which was around 8-9 minutes, Kenma would speak his thoughts that were a tad bit uncensored toward the end. He'd talk about the drama surrounding the game, he would even bring up the entire hate that this game was receiving, but instead—Kenma had a rather strange dialogue instead.

    "One thing I don't understand is how toxic the gaming community can be, at times," Kuroo paused, narrowing his eyes at his friend's words, "While we welcome new gamers to the entire journey of learning and discovering the joy of gaming, we also tend to put them down if they didn't adhere to a certain trend. I came across one such incident happening to (s/n) (y/n)'s Twitch channel."

    "Holy shit!" Kuroo sat up straight, eyes wide as saucers at the bold move his friend made.

    "I'm part of this community and I think I have the right to call out how toxic we are in general," 

Kenma's voice didn't even waver, but after knowing him his entire life, Kuroo could deduce that the boy was a bit angry, 

"(y/n) didn't particularly do anything wrong, and she's received some nasty comments about being a female gamer, and I think that's...just disgusting. She has all the right to either attend or ditch a gaming event, and no one has to be forced to do something they don't want to do. We all have games we don't like despite being gamers, we don't have to do it all. I support (y/n), and I'll admit, I'm saddened by how her fans have treated her. Her content is great and I have immense respect for her. I hope she decides to come back and stream more. That being said, I think The Last of Us 2 is..."

As he got around to talk more about the game, Kuroo knew that this was a huge step for Kenma, and he had no idea what suddenly made the boy rethink his entire decision on never bringing her up. Now that he had, he's indirectly initiated a conversation with her, she'd definitely try and reach out now—in any way she possibly could, just to thank him at least.

Kuroo noticed his phone ringing a second later and a grin made its way to his lips.

    "What just happened?"

    "I met her, Kuroo," Kuroo almost had the wind knocked out of him, "She was at my college campus. I was walking back to my room since classes were canceled. There was some sort of gaming event. She didn't want to be a part of it, and neither did I, and we ditched. It was—"

    "You like her more now, don't you?"

When Kuroo received nothing more than silence from Kenma's end, he was certain. His precious, introverted, best boy had fallen for someone. It was a proud moment, almost.

��   "You have to tell her—"

    "Kuroo, this... this is all I want to do."

    "That's bullshit, and even you know that."

    "What? You want me to open up to her and tell her I'm the YouTuber she's been gushing about for so long and I was the one who kind of pushed her into doing what she did, and so that she can hate me afterward for hiding the truth because I wouldn't be losing out on anything and she—"

    "Whoa there, Kenma. I'm just saying go talk to her as her favorite YouTuber. You're overthinking this."

    "No, you're underthinking this. I did what I had to do. It was... hard to see her like that."

Kuroo let out a sigh but before he could say anything, Kenma had already ended the call. That boy needs to grow a pair, he thought, a bit annoyed at Kenma's nature of avoiding his feelings. While Kenma believed it was for the best, he knew he was simply running away from it. Kuroo knew his friend adored (y/n), but the boy couldn't categorize that as real feelings because he's met her just once. Finding something real virtually scared him more than finding something real in real life, and while Kuroo wanted to understand that, it only annoyed him because Kenma wasn't even trying.

When you watched puddinghead0's recent video, you were jaw-dropped in awe and absolute admiration. Tears filled your eyes, but what was more was how his voice now seemed a tad bit familiar, though you didn't pay any heed to it since you've been following this channel for an entire year now. It moved you to know someone you've been admiring has been watching your content, but at the same time, he was speaking up for you? You wanted to thank him, you wanted to send him a message and say you were incredibly grateful for what he's done and the only way you knew you could say something was on Twitter.

So you mentioned him on a tweet and poured your heart out within character limit. You wondered if he would notice your tweet since you've mentioned him countless times before, but even if he didn't, even if he paid you no heed after all of this, you were still grateful. However, a second later, you received a new follower. You blinked upon noticing that it was Kozume-kun from the other day. A soft smile fell on your lips at the soft recollection of running away from a gaming event, after which everything spiraled, but you didn't in any way blame him. Your mind again drifted back to puddinghead0 and you sighed.

I'd kill to see him, man, you thought, eyeing your tweet of him dreamily.

A second later, there was a notification. You almost spat out your heart at the mere words: puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

    "Oh my god—" You choked on air. However, a second later, you found it difficult to remain sitting on your bed.

Don't thank me, I hope you're feeling better. You didn't deserve any of that.

Is that a—

...deserve any of that. <3

Fuck me.

Kenma almost dozed off in class right before it ended. It wasn't like it was school where the teacher would wake him up after noticing him asleep, no one really bothered. Kenma was pushed awake by the momentum of the class once it was over and he leaned back before gathering his things. Tightening his hair tie, he casually walked out of class and got to the campus. He spotted the event area, where the gaming event had occurred and instantly spotted his room-mate and a bunch of people gathered there. Rolling his eyes, he walked away from there, not wanting to gather any attention.

    "Kenma!"

He had failed. Kenma froze to his spot before turning to spot his room-mate dashing over to him, a wide grin plastered on his features. Wrapping a hand over Kenma's shoulders, his roommate brought him to the others he was talking to, before releasing him.

    "You're that guy (y/n) ran away with during that event, right?" One of them asked, and Kenma didn't bother to respond.

    "Why did she run though? I mean, it doesn't make sense for her to just up and leave."

    "I've been telling you," The same guy said, "She's not the one playing those games. She's just the face."

Kenma frowned. What is this dick talking about?

    "Man, I think that's harsh," His roommate said, "I just think she's too chicken to play in front of people—"

    "She's literally a streamer." Kenma said, rolling his eyes.

    "Yeah, but why did she—"

    "If you can't understand that she doesn't owe you shit, then there's no helping it. She didn't want to play at that event, and she didn't. I don't see why you aren't calling me a fake gamer for running too." Kenma snapped.

The others shrugged, "That's because we've seen you play—"

    "It's bullshit." Kenma said before walking away. You all are bullshit, he thought before the frown on his face settled into an uncharacteristic glare, directed at what who knows what.

A moment later, he felt his phone buzz with a notification. Kenma opened his phone and saw that he had a message from you, but what confused him was—

The message was directed to Kenma and not puddinghead. His heart jumped as his fingers roamed over the notification, wanting to open it only when he was in the comfortable confines of his room. Swallowing the bubbling anxiety, Kenma fought the urge to smile as he continued walking back, unaware of what the Twitter message could be. It would normally take him around 12 minutes to get to his apartment from campus, but that day, Kenma merely took 7.

On reaching his room, he finally allowed himself to open your message.

(y/n): Hey! I've taken a break from streaming for now, just wanted to let you know. I don't know why I'm sending you this message, but talking to you that day made me realize that I don't really need to seek approval constantly. Also, puddinghead liked my tweet and I'm a bit too happy so I needed to gush, don't @ me

Kenma chuckled, feeling his heart jump at every word you'd said. He knew you didn't realize that you were gushing about him to him, but that didn't matter. He wanted to gush about you too. He felt a stone stuck at his throat at how real all of this felt, despite having only seen you once.

Kenma Kozume: I think he's the sort of guy who isn't too loud about the things he likes. And I think a break is a good idea, (s/n).

(y/n): Call me (y/n), came the immediate response. Kenma's eyes widened at the fact that you were online, and that the two of you were currently exchanging messages live.

(y/n): Yeah, I got the feeling from his videos that he's perhaps a private person. I'm still really glad that he supported me, I can't thank him enough. I'm feeling much better already!

Kenma smiled, I'm glad that you are.

(y/n): Also

He blinked.

(y/n): Do you want to co-op at Bloodborne? I'm trying to get a platinum, haha.

    "Fuck," He let out a breath before chuckling uncharacteristically. "You can't be serious."

(y/n): I'll send you my PSN, and you can add me as a party member. Only if you're up to it, I mean.

Kenma Kozume: Sure, sounds like fun. Also

Kenma gulped. He felt like this was showing off, but he didn't care. He was going to say it.

Kenma Kozume: I already have platinum in Bloodborne. :)

(y/n): Ah, screw you.

Kenma chuckled. He wouldn't admit it, but his heart was hammering against his chest and his palms were sweating. Soon, he'd be connected to you via the DualShock and the two of you would be co-oping in a game that was designed to make players fail. He wasn't too sure how much more his heart was going to take, and while he knew he had to tell someone, for some reason, Kenma wanted to keep this a secret. It wasn't because he was ashamed or he didn't want anyone to find out.

It was simply because it was too good to be true, and he didn't want to lose out on a chance to get to know you more. Because, if this kept up...

If this kept up, Kenma was surely going to fall in love with you.

[tra-sh]

Just a Touch (Din Djarin)

Request from Anon: “First i just wanna say I really love your writing! If you’re still taking requests, Could I ask for one with the mandalorian? Like touch-starved din maybe smut? Thanks!" 

We simp for Din Djarin in this household. I might make two parts for this if that's alright! 

Part 2 Here! 

Being in a relationship with a Mandalorian was unheard of, to say the least. Their culture was famous for restraining from unnecessary touches and hiding their bodies from the world's prying eyes. Knowing this, it never ceased to amaze you how much you truly loved the Mandalorian that sat before you. And by some Maker's miracle, he loved you too. 

You and Din had never established your relationship with words. He was a man of very few, and you were in no rush to stake your claim on him. You knew that this was unfamiliar territory for him and the last thing you wanted to do was rush him into anything. You took your time and never pushed his boundaries, much to the man's pleasant surprise. Din knew you to be exceedingly patient. You never touched him unless he initiated it (which was only in times of need) and when you prepared meals you would smile and leave his plate in the cockpit as if it were completely normal that he ate in solitude. 

Din was thankful for you, but he couldn't help the guilt that bled into his thoughts. Surely, he was holding you back from something better? You deserved only the best and he was convinced this was something he couldn't give you. 

You, on the other hand, were more than content with this life. You didn't need Din to offer you the world or recite pretty words to make you feel loved. You saw it in his actions. You knew he loved you when he took a blaster shot to the shoulder in your stead, and when he told you his true name late one night while flying. You knew more than anyone that this was his love language and you were happy just knowing that he returned your feelings. 

Din, however, was not. 

His breaking point had come one day on Lah’mu, where he'd taken you and the child to relax for a bit. He'd told you it was to secure an idea of potential hiding places should trouble strike again, but you knew him better by now. The three of you were exploring the farming planet and taking in the lush flora and wildlife. Din would never say it out loud, but he adored the look of awe that settled on your features. The way you held the child to your chest and bounced him absentmindedly as you walked-- Din couldn't help but entertain the thought that the three of you looked like a family. Something he never knew he wanted until you came into his life. You smile down at the child while you walk, feigning interest as he prattles off incoherent words to you. You 'oohed' and 'ahhed' at his babbling (which he greatly appreciated because usually, NO ONE listened to him) and occasionally respond with "Is that so?" or "And then what?" 

Din allows the barest hint of a smile to ghost over his lips as he watches you interact with the kid. His eyes trail to the ground and he notices a patch of mud left over from the previous night's rainfall. Before the Mandalorian could utter a warning, your boot catches in the slippery clay. You squeal as you fall backward and clutch the child to your chest, hoping to cushion his fall. You're pleasantly surprised, however, when a pair of leather gloves catch your arms and steady you against a broad chest. You turn to say your thanks when you're unceremoniously shoved away. You stumble a bit but manage to catch yourself before you and the giggling baby in your arms faceplant into the mud. You turn to look at Din, and he freezes. He hadn't meant to-- gods knew he'd wanted to hold you like that for millennia-- but he'd pushed you away on instinct. He tries to drum up an excuse or mutter a 'sorry', but the hurt look on your face makes his apology die on his tongue. He'd never seen you look so distressed.

You quickly try to save face and offer Din a small smile. You hadn't meant to let that slip, but something about his quickness to get you off of him didn't sit right in your stomach. But you knew that at the end of the day it wasn't because of you. This was how he was raised; this was who he was. And you'd accepted that a long time ago. "Sorry, Din," you apologize quietly. "I should have been looking where I was going." And with that, you turned away and continued your walk. 

Din watched you leave with a pained expression under his beskar helmet. He hated being the cause of your discomfort. He hated knowing that he was the cause of the pain that flashed across your face. And he hated himself for making you think you had to hide your feelings. He knew something had to change. 

***

The first time Din had sought out your touch, it was so small that you'd thought it was an accident. 

You had just put the child to bed and turned around to find Din standing there beside the ladder. "Oh, Hey," you greet, keeping your voice low as to not wake the sleeping kid. You see his helmet tilt slightly, nodding in response. You glance over your shoulder to the child and smile at his peaceful state. One of his ears twitches as if sensing your stare. You turn back to Din, who remains perfectly still. 

"I'm going to make dinner now. I'll leave yours on your chair?" Another wordless nod.

You hum quietly as you move to side-step around the Mandalorian and make your way up the ladder. Just as you go to leave, you feel the slightest brush of leather against your hand. Your head snaps up and you look at Din in shock. He's not facing you; his gaze is trained on the child. You open your mouth to ask him if he'd meant to do that, but you quickly close it. You didn't want to scare him off. You stand rigid at the base of the ladder, afraid to move. You felt as though you were coaxing a turtle from its shell; patiently waiting to see the next move. The leather-clad fingers timidly brushed over your palm as if testing out the new territory. Your chest swells with anticipation and you watch with bated breath as he almost-- almost-- holds your hand. But as quickly as the touch began, it ends when Din walks over to the child's pram. Your heart is pounding and you can't help the contagious smile that threatens to overtake your features. You turn back to the ladder and make your way up, silently reveling in the knowledge of the touch. 

***

The next few times Din touched you, they weren't so fleeting.

 He'd brushed his hand to yours when you passed each other in the hallway, his fingers lingering to brush the back of your hand ever so gently before he would eventually turn away and stalk off. You'd grown accustomed to these little moments and they were quickly becoming treasured memories in your mind. It felt silly being so elated with these barely-there grazes, but you knew how much they meant to Din. He was pushing his own boundaries and stepping out of his comfort zone for you.

After he'd let down his walls with the first touch, he slowly began to crave more. Although your hands only came in contact with his gloves, he could just imagine how your skin would feel against his. How soft it would feel when your thumb rubbed small circles on the back of his hand. He was delving into dangerous territory by letting you touch him now; he almost felt guilty for enjoying it as much as he did. Every graze of your fingers left a burning trail in it’s wake-- and Din desperately wanted to feel more. It was almost drugging, the feel of your touch. He had been on his own for so long, with only the other Mandalorians and the occasional bounty as his human-- or alien-- interaction. He'd never craved contact with anyone the way he did with you. Perhaps it was because of this that he began to allow you to venture further. You'd lace your fingers together with his, silently holding his hand as you played with the child. At first, he wasn't sure how to react. His muscles were tense against yours and he seemed to freeze where he stood. But after some time, you felt him relax in your hold. He'd even begun to hold your hand back, which made your heart flutter in your chest. 

***

Din was positive you were doing this on purpose. Because if you weren't, you surely were the worst kind of tease. 

He'd left the Razor Crest to buy some food and medical supplies to stock up for the next bounty hunt to Tatooine. But on his way to the market, he'd run into some trouble with a group of Storm Troopers. He'd managed to escape with only a few scratches here and there, but the minute he told you what happened you'd gone into a frenzy. You had insisted on checking him for potential wounds and wouldn't take no for an answer. 

That was how Din ended up with you hovering over him as he sat on the metal bench in the downstairs of the Crest, across from the bed. He had no idea, however, how the two of you got in this particular position. 

Your knee sat on the metal bench between his thighs as you do your best to check for wounds without removing any beskar. Your hands run along the curves and dips of his body and you occasionally glance up to see if he would wince or give off a sign of injury. So far he hadn't so much as moved. Din wondered momentarily if he was dreaming. He'd taken a blaster shot to the helmet that rattled him a bit-- perhaps he was really unconscious on the side of the road somewhere. How else would he explain this? The most surprising part for the Mandalorian was the fact that he allowed you to touch him like this. Your hands run over the back of his neck, brushing over a sliver of exposed skin between his shirt and the helmet. Din's breath catches in his throat and his hands tighten their grip on the edge of the bench. You're quick to notice this and frown. "Are you hurt there?" You ask carefully. Din isn't sure how to respond. No, I'm not injured. I'm just aroused by you barely touching my neck. He definitely couldn't say that. He could just push your hands off of him and leave the room. He should stop you. He really should.

He also really doesn't want to. 

Din realizes you're still waiting for a response and tries to find his voice. "...Yes." 

He was screwed. 

You let out a soft gasp and begin to run your fingers over the 'afflicted' area, searching for any physical wound to fix. Din has to bite back a groan as your nails lightly ghost over his neck. "I have bacta spray here somewhere," you murmur under your breath, turning to reach one hand into the bag of medical supplies that sits on the far end of the bench. His neck feels cold at the sudden loss of your hand and he fights the urge to lean into your remaining touch. The way you caressed him tenderly, lovingly, it made something in his chest ache. He didn't want you to stop. 

You let out a victorious 'aha' as you pull a small silver container from the contents of the bag. You turn back to the Mandalorian and offer him an apologetic look. "I need you to bend your head for me," you instruct. He goes limp in your grasp, allowing you to pull him gently forward and bend his head close to your chest. You lean forward to peer over his shoulder and spray the bacta on his exposed skin. Din's mind goes blank as your chest fills his vision. He'd never been this close to another person before and certainly not in an intimate manner. "Does that feel better?" Your voice breaks him from his dizzying trance and you pull back to gaze down into his visor. 

"Yes," Din rasps out. His voice betrays him as the word leaves his lips in a breathless groan. If you notice the sudden change, you don't mention it. You smile, seemingly pleased with your work. "I know this is probably uncomfortable for you," you say quietly. "I'm almost done, I promise." 

Please, Din thinks, don't stop. It's almost embarrassing how much this is turning him on. He's one fleeting touch away from losing control and bucking his hips against your knee just to feel relief. 

Your hands ghost over his helmet, noting the blackened outline of a blaster shot behind his left ear. "You were shot?" It's not as much of a question as it is an accusation. He told you he was fine and had no injuries. He didn't tell you he got shot. Din can't bring himself to speak after the earlier incident and instead remains quiet. He knew you wouldn't even dream of removing his helmet-- you held too much respect for the Mandalorians. He didn't stop you as your hands traveled over the beskar surface, pausing to cup his face in your hands. You stay like that for a moment and absentmindedly brush your thumbs over the cool surface. A tiny smile plays at the corners of your mouth as you lose your train of thought, content to stay there for the remainder of the day staring lovingly into the dark visor. 

 "Well, thank you for being such a good patient," you joke lightly, breaking the silence. You feel a small burst of confidence and lean forward to press a gentle kiss where his forehead should be. You pull back and bite your lip, hoping that you didn’t go too far. 

Din is frozen in place. All he can do is pray to the Maker that you wouldn't look down. It was just a kiss. One small kiss to his helmet. His body sits rigidly on the cool metal as he tries to push all of the indecent thoughts from his head. Thoughts of you, naked and writhing beneath him. Thoughts of kissing you deeply and trailing hot kisses down the soft skin of your abdomen. 

You begin to squirm uncomfortably when Din doesn't move at all. Was that too much? Maker, you needed to apologize before he never touched you again. You'd just barely gotten him to hold your hand-- of course a kiss would be too bold. 

You push off the bench and offer him an apologetic gaze, grabbing the bag of supplies. "I'm sorry," you murmur quietly. "I shouldn't have pushed it." You excuse yourself from the room and hurry down the narrow hall to put the bag back in its destined locker. 

Din watches you leave in frustration, letting out a strangled groan as his head falls back to hit the wall with a soft 'thud'. He needed to do something about this-- fast.