#so reading the book makes me feel like my mom is scolding me or smth

[dear-dragon]

not sure if i can read this book . the mcs name is my first name

[2knightt]

hiii I was wondering if u could do smth for the outsiders? Like Darry has a s/o who is the mother figure for the gang and often Johnny n pony call her ma / mom? I js thought it was sooo cute but if not it’s also okay dearrr

darry curtis x motherly!reader

!warnings!

1.fem!reader

2.swearing

3.probably ooc LMFAO

darry would literally love you. oh my god.

you’re caring???? you help take care of the gang??? you help ponyboy with homework???

you might as well rip his heart out of his chest cause it’s already yours!

the gang loves you, probably even more than darry does!

but to darry, that’s impossible.

you’re heaven sent to him. he truly believes you’re a miracle!

when he’s stressed out, you’re right there to help him destress!

giving him a massage, giving him tea, shit maybe even all of the above if you feel like it.

“jeez dare, stop overworking yourself so much! you’re gonna die some day because of it!”

“no i won’t, been doin’ it for so long i’ve gotten used to it.”

“thats even worse!!”

when you cook for him he will GOBBLE it up.

homie can taste the love you put in and he thinks it makes the food taste 100x better.

but even you have stressful days! but, expect darry to treat you like a princess!

he will not let you leave his bed, he is getting everything you want.

water? done. a book? already in your hand. a fucking car? he’s wasting all his money for you!

he will follow you to hell if you ask him nicely.

he just loves you so much.

when he somehow get’s hurt in rumbles he’s so glad you’re there to patch him up.

but he isn’t glad that he gets an earful from you.

“you know i hate these things. why do you out of all people go darry? you’re better than this.”

he just grumbles because he doesn’t even want to answer anything with a black eye that’s slowly forming on his right eye.

the gang is so thankful that you can patch them up too. they sometimes fight over who you’re gonna help next.

“i’m goin’ after darry!”

“SODA! YOU’VE GONE SECOND FOR LIKE 3 TIMES IN A ROW. IT’S MY TURN!!”

“PISS OFF TWO-BIT.”

“actually it’s my turn.”

“shut the hell up steve.”

“AYE!”

ponyboy’s just happy he has a mother figure in his life again. his mom was definitely his favourite parent, so now that he has someone to replicate that, he’s on the moon.

he only calls you mom or ma in private, he’s too embarrassed to say it with others in the room.

BUT, he definitely lets the mom calling slip accidentally infront of the gang.

“mom, do you need help with the dishes?”

“MOM?!”

“WHAT?!?”

pony just looks down in embarrassment until you chuckle and agree to him helping you. then he’s all smiles and sunshine!

darry is so happy to see this you don’t get it.

darry asks for advice from you to get to know ponyboy better since he rambles on and on about whatever he’s most interested in at the time.

“so uh, about ponyboy…”

“oh! he really likes ‘gone with the wind’, i know you don’t have much time to read so, i can just tell you the important stuff!”

he just nods and stares at you as you talk about the characters, the main plot, and the small details ponyboy’s obsessed with.

he’s taking mental notes and thanking you heavily when you’re finished talking!

“thank you, y/n. really. i appreciate all you do for me.”

“awe! of course, babe. anything for you.”

he’s giggling and blushing at the last sentence

he’s so thankful that you’re there to talk some sense into the gang.

sometimes he sits on the sidelines and just watches.

“DALLAS WINSTON. WHAT ON GODS GREEN EARTH WERE YOU THINKING PULLING SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!”

“I’M SORRY! JESUS.”

dallas just throws his hands in the air in defeat, knowing that no matter how much he apologizes you’ll continue to scold him.

but he listens, he doesn’t do whatever he did for awhile.

darry just chuckles at the sight.

his mom used to scold dallas like that, so seeing you do the same brought back good memories for him.

being around you just reminds him of the ‘good old days’ so when he’s around you his mood immediately lifts.

like he could be yelling at ponyboy to raise his grades and you could walk in and darry would go “AND STUDY MO- oh hey babyyy!!☺️☺️”

everyone’s eternally grateful for you.

ESPECIALLY JOHNNY GOOD LORD.

he goes to you for literally everything.

something bad happened to him?? he’s at your front door! something good happened to him??? he’s right beside you telling you about it!

yeah, he calls you mom too.

he doesn’t mean to though! he just looks up to you so much, he’s always seen you has a mother figure but he never thought he’d actually call you mom!

“hey ma, does my hair look tuff!?”

“huh?”

he’s FROZEN in place. he’s so embarrassed, he’s literally overheating.

you just giggle to yourself and say his hair does infact, look extremely tuff.

he walks away smiling with a little hop when he walks.

the gang fights over your attention with darry.

they ain’t got a good life at home, but if you give them the motherly love they’ve been missing? they will kill someone for you.

darry loves and hates this.

he loves that you and the gang get along. he can’t be with someone the gang doesn’t like, but he hates that they like you so much they talk to you 24/7.

he sometimes just snatches you while you’re talking to someone in the curtis house.

like you could be talking to sodapop and he’ll come behind you and grab you by the waist and carry you into his room.

all that while soda chases him down, yelling nonsense.

“DARRY! I WAS TALKING TO HER.”

“that’s crazy…”

overall, darry would definitely look for a mother-like lover.

he needs it fr🙏

author notes;

1.EVERYONE SHUT UP THIS IS MY FIRST REQUEST I CANT

2.when i read dear i lowkey giggled and kicked my feet

3.should i make a taglist??!!???? would literally anyone like to be tagged in my outsiders fics?!!!????

4.i really hope i did this justice LMFAO

5.btw if you’ve DMed me im not ignoring you, im working up the courage to talk to you. im a very nervous person😭😭

may 11th, 2023. 10:18PM.

[multiplefandomsblog]

your roommate hcs are so cute, can i request for naib, demi, tracy, andrew, kurt, patricia, and victor?

:0 holy crap yes! I’m so glad you enjoyed the roommate hcs!! Me and the other mods hope you enjoy these! Thank you for requesting :))

(i added melly because why not? lmao hope you don’t mind.)

Part 1!

Naib Subedar

This man deadass didn’t know you were living with him

Even when people told him about it, he wasn’t rlly paying attention and didn’t rlly care

Your stuff in his room? He thought it was his or someone just broke into his room and left it there

When he saw you on the toilet however, he just freaked out.

“Why the hell are you shitting in my room!?” “Your room? I’ve been living here for 2 months!”

Once he found out you lived with him, he made sure you knew what was his and what was yours

also, since he’s very protective of his things-- you being one of them-- he would totally get jealous if he caught you tallking to someone that wasn’t him.

he would probably give you the silent treatment and act like a pissy baby

He hates it when you touch his stuff

especially his photos, the photos were special to him because they were of him and his army friends.

You’d sometimes catch him looking at the photos with a longing in his eyes, it was highkey sad.

having you live with him meant lots and lots of training

he made sure you were always prepared for matches and that you don’t get downed early

when you got downed early however, He would scold you but he would still rescue you anyways because he’s soft

“You’re such an idiot, you’d better do better next time! Or else I’ll kick your ass.” 

one time he got cocky while kiting because you were watching him

he forgot to turn on his elbow pads and face palmed into the wall.

“...You saw nothing.” He turned around, a bit woozy from hitting his head on a wall. He flipped the hunter off before stumbling wooshing away

When you first get to know naib, he’d probably come off as intimidating and menacing

but once you get to know him--the real him--, you start to understand that even though he may be tough on you, its because he wants you to be the best

he has good intentions

During matches he’d let you handle yourself and made sure you didn’t rely on him too much

One time you needed to shower but you ran out of your shampoo so you used his.

When he questioned you, you simply responded “What? You don’t need it anyways, you’re bald!”

He didn’t rescue you the next round.

should’ve seen that coming

though he forgives you when you braid his luscious long existent hair for him

Kurt Frank

The amount of times you almost stepped on this man is astronomical.

he would constantly be in his tiny form because he would lose a lot of his things

his tiny form helped him find his things easily

Though when you first moved in with him, you had no idea what his ability was

so when you first saw a tiny version of your roommate you thought he was just a weird doll

until you heard him say a tiny, “Hey can you move your ginORMOUS foot? You’re stepping on my book.”

You fucking screeched and took off your shoe to try and kill him

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

After he explained to you about his ability you calmed down a bit and spared this tiny man but only this time!

Frank loves books, he probably filled your shared rooms with stacks on stacks of books

You’d often see him tiny, waving at you while you’re decoding

Once you overhead Kurt arguing with First Officer over who was the rightful owner of some sort of treasure map

They fought for days,

kurt would constantly complain about it to you

turns out it was just a game on the back of a Cereal box.

sorry this is short like kurt

Tracy Reznik

Would be a little awkward at first, but the awkwardness slowly fades away when you both make bad jokes

she gives me childhood best friend vibes

Has her doll sitting in the corner of your shared room room, it’s lifeless eyes scare the living shit out of you in the dark you try not to make eye contact, afraid it’ll curse you or smth

if she was mad at you she would move the bot in a way that looked like it was flipping you off you off in your direction before you went to bed.

Always making little robot things that are super fun to play with

Loves sharing her things. Has no problem with it

you wanna wear her clothes? sure

you want to wear her underwear? evEN BETTER-

Pulling all nighters, trying to get her machines to work like how she wanted it to work.

Would live off of kraft Mac n cheese and junk food in the modern day

Pretty hyper, chugs pink monster energy drinks while pulling all nighters, also, in the modern day

would probably be a bruh girl

Her room is a mess, covered with blueprints and scrap metal

her room is practically a safety hazard

Sometimes she dresses her doll up a bit, putting wigs or her old clothes on it (which scares you half to death)

Once she made her doll dress up like her

and you almost went up to it to ask what it wanted for dinner.

Has a photo of her and her dad

You never wanted to bring it up, worried it might make her upset :(

Sometimes she’d feel really guilty about being downed in the first 30 seconds

please comfort her, she feels super bad

She always relies on you to rescue her

She gets really happy and thankful when you body block for her but she still gets a bit concerned when you do it randomly

“i wasn’t even kiting-” “Protecc the mecc.”

Demi Bourbon

Always out at the bar

Smells like alcohol constantly

tipsy 24/7

she’s never 100% sober

You have to hold her hair out of her face when she comes back to your shared room to hurl

Likes bringing back hard vodka or weird flavoured alcohols back for you guys to get wasted try together

Room is bit cluttered, but she doesn’t have much in her room since she’s always out in bars or matches

Usually latches onto you like a parasite when she’s drunk.

it gets a bit awkward when her face is a bit close to yours,

“Are we about to kiss right now-? BLeurghgrhgherrgh.”“...*audible sigh*”

You’d go to her expecting her to heal you like a normal person but no

instead she shoves dovlin down your throat

She likes to do your makeup, and always adds a matching beauty mark

unless you don’t wear makeup, then she’d ask you to do hers 

always loves how she looks afterwards

more than sometimes demi would get into bar fights, 

so you know she’s about to throw hands when she starts takes off her earrings-

10/10 would fight for you <3

She’s gives me cool wine aunt vibes

Probably a lesbian too (check out our Demi smut fic ;))

Or bi, idk

Just straightn’t

She’s really good at hyping you up, especially when you’re taking shots

“CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG-”

Andrew Kreiss

Would be very shy at first, opens up a little when you get to know him

Totally a night owl, can’t sleep at night from all the guilt and “what if’”s

if you see this baby awake at night, hug him, he really needs it

You’ve never seen the other side of his face

How does he see with hair in his eyes?

He’s albino, which is super dope

Sometime you fear he’s thinking about burying you

You always see him thwacking Luca with his shovel

Barely talks

Room is moderate

He doesn’t want you to find out too much about him

He may seem bland, but he loves sweet food

You’d bake him cookies and other sweets

He’d act as if he’s not embarrassed and brush it off

“Are you blushing?”“No, I-I’m sunburnt.” “On your face?” “....I stare into the hot red sun sometimes because it eases me.”

to keep his lie going, every time he catches you staring at him he would fry his eye balls by staring into the sun until you left

partially the reason why he can’t see well

When he’s not looking, you stare at him while he’s eating the stuff you made because he looks so happy :’)

One time you found him down in the dumps so you made him a cup of coffee, and when you handed it to him you said-

“Depresso espresso?”

*sniff* ”..are you oka-” “IM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE”

he actually cried

it was such a nice gesture(?), that he started ugly crying

You’d ask him if he wanted hugs during matches when you see him get stressed

He’d be flushed and kinda confused

hug... him? why tho lmao

he’d definitely agree tho, to be fair, with some hesitation 

if y’all ever cuddled in bed, i feel like he’d be a little spoon

poor boy needs the comfort, he wouldn’t mind if you wanted to be little spoon tho

he just wants to be close to you

Victor Grantz

You love playing with his dog, Wick

Super nice and polite, but a little guarded

The type to be too afraid to call people out when they do something wrong but would totally trash them in his head

You write him little letters everyday and leave them on his bed to make him happy :))

He’d a be a little spoon

Wick would always join you guys while cuddling

Kisses would be soft and gentle

Usually sends you the first letter in matches

Loves to cuddle

He bb 🥰

You always get him a birthday present AND a Christmas present

You also get a gift for Wick

He loves giving you surprise hugs

Likes to read with you while cuddling

Literally a cinnamon roll

Once he was eating a cinnamon roll

And you whispered

“C a n n i b a l i s m .”

He was very confused

and kind of scared- were you going to eat him?

Patricia Dorval

Room always smells like herbs

She could literally smoke weed and you’d think it’s some magical healing herb

it magically makes you feel better

Always there to stun the hunter when you’re ballooned

The mature one

Her room is organized, with boxes labeling what herbs and magic stuff that are in them

You were cooking dinner for the day and you accidentally used one of her fancy herbs in your soup

She didn’t realize until she tried the soup

She wasn’t mad just disappointed

She lectured you on how you shouldn’t touch her stuff or use it for cooking

Gotta admit tho, the soup was pretty good

she acts like the mom everyone wishes they had

totally the type to be like, “dude we should think this through.” before doing something risky

and then five seconds later, “cowABUNGA MY DUDES”

one time she caught kreacher leaving the mens washroom without washing his hands

seeing as she was the mother of this manor, she had to protect her children from diseases

so she yeeted her monkey skull at kreachers head, cleanly knocking him out

and everybody cheered.

Melly Plinius

When you heard melly was going to be your roomie, you couldn’t have been more excited.

you finally had a victim for the many insect pick up lines!

So you decided to make some good first impressions by waiting for her in your room.

so when she arrived to your room and greeted you, you happily greeted her back, and slipped in the pick up line.

“Hello, my name is Melly. I believe I will be your ro-?”“Yeah nice to meet you too, say, what do bees make?”

She kinda thought you were a bit rude so much for first impressions

“...Erm, honey?” she replied hesitantly

“YES DEAR?” 

... okay maybe you weren’t thaaaat bad.

after that she kind of developed a teensy crush on you 

so it was hard living with you because of her crush, since she was constantly flustered 

you loved her reactions, she constantly got red.

it was funny watching her try to keep her cool and fail.

[chanzicoup]

A/N: I got this template from tenseoyong and I could not find the original creator to give proper credit to. I was waiting for someone to FINALLY request this for V. Like he's the most fatherly (?) of them all in my opinion!!! And he's all in for having 3-5 kids so don't even fight me there.

A = Announcement.- How do you tell him and the world that you’re expecting?

You didn't know you were pregnant until you were about four months in. It was rare but it happened for you two and you had felt no symptoms the entire time. He'd be so pumped for the arrival of twins but he's lowkey stressing because he feels like he has less time to prepare and that he "lost four months."

B = Books.- Did he read the books?

He doesn't read the books and he never will. He's more like a 'wing it' person so he'll go with the flow of things. Somehow he knows everything about the process of birth??? Did he study this before or something bc he really knows his stuff?!?!

C = Cuddles.- Who cuddles the baby more?

He definitely would. He's just so happy to finally have a little version of him and you running around. Whenever he holds the baby he daydreams about things they'll do together. Until he gets soft when it's time for them to go to school for the first time, leave for college, get married and oml take the baby away from him he's crying and smiling at the same time.

D = Daddy.- His reaction to being called Daddy and it setting in.)

You know that gummy smile? Exactly his face when he's called 'daddy' for the first time and it's not in bed ;)))

E = Empty.- Who goes to the store when you guys run out of supplies?

He would volunteer to babysit while you go out but when you come home with your arms full of bags he'd scold you for not letting him help. He didn't know you all needed that much and if he had known he would've went along to make it easier for you.

F = Feeding time- Who does feeding time?

He's all for it. Pretending the food is an airplane and the baby's mouth is the airport. Little plane noises and loud cheers when the baby eats well. All him.

G = Grumpy baby. - Who is better at dealing with a grumpy baby?

There are just some times a grumpy baby can't be calmed so you two go back and fourth to try and but your baby back to sleep while the other is doing something productive like cleaning, laundry, sleepinggggg.

H = How?- how many kids does he want?

"3 if we don't have time but 5 if we do have time" my ass. V wants at least five but that's probably not going to stop him from having more.

J = Jokes.- best dad joke?

Probably stole it from Jin but its, "What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!!!"

K = Kisses.- His favorite place to kiss the baby.

He kisses their hands while they are laying on their back and he's just tickling their stomach and they giggle so loud; it's just really cute how v and his children are so close.

L = Little.- How he feels when he holds the baby for the first time.

Literally his world freezes and all he can focus on is his first born in his arms; how they instantly stopped crying when the doctor put them in his arms, how tiny they really are, their hair, eyes, nose, mouth, their teeny tiny fingers and toes. He soaks it all in and he'll never forget how the baby looked. Not even when he is old and frail.

M = Mommy.- what does he call you?

V would definitely call you "momma" along with the baby but he'll bump up the couple pet name game a lot bc he falls in love with you more nd more everyday and the kids are absolutely disgusted by how much skinship you two do. Like V is always hugging you from behind and kissing your cheek and he'll kiss your lips when the kids groan how gross it is when he kisses your forehead. A smirk on his face.

N = Nappies.- who deals with the really bad diapers?

It's all a team effort. He'd act like a doctor in surgery, even pulling out a face mask if it was that bad. You'd hand him the diaper, wipes, etc. when he asked for one; like an assistant would. Lowkey it's just really funny watching you two do childcare because it's always fun for you guys and you make a game out of it.

O = Onesies- Who likes to dress the baby in ridiculous outfits?

He will make sure his kid is fly as hell, but you draw the line at a gucci belt. Why would a baby need a belt???

P = Pet names- names he calls the baby.

"Chubs" bc of their chubby baby cheeks that grandma's love to pinch. Each kid gets a new nickname, one that relates to their personality, traits, etc.

Q = Questions.- How many questions does he ask the nurse?

He wouldn't ask the nurse anything, the only questions he have he'll ask his own mom. She did such a good job raising him and his siblings why would it be different for his own child?

R = Rely- what is the biggest thing you rely on each other for?

(This one is always so hard for me to write for idk why but it is) Ok so I guess you both would want the other to side with you on how to raise your child? Let me explain a bit. Let's say you tell the kid 'no' about something but then the kid goes to v and he says 'yes' to whatever it is. You two want to be on the same page as the other and want proper communication through out the entire family.

S = Sleep duty. - who gets up when it’s really late at night?

Teamwork makes the dream work. You both would take turns but if for some reason one of you is sleeping through the baby's cry the one that is awake will so it. Let's be real one of you will wake the other up and plea that they do it.

T = Trepidation.- fears as a new parent.

He'd be really nervous about saying the wrong thing here and there and scaring the child in some way. He'd be looking at the big picture about everything, how his actions now could affect his child's future. He really just worries his child will be unhappy because of him.

U = Ultra sounds.- His reactions to the ultrasounds.

He points out the baby before the nurse does and she's just like "Okay no one ever sees the baby first bc it's difficult to see but I guess this dad has some super powers or smth" and he marvels at the photos for weeks, printing extra out just to give them to his managers, the other members, his family. And if it's around the holidays, the baby's first picture is being printed on to Christmas cards.

V = Values.- what is the most important value he wants to teach your child.

One of the many things he hopes his children take from him is that he doesn't want them to have to depend on anyone for anything when they grow up. He wants them to have their own backs and to be able to take proper care for themselves for when he is gone and can't do it for them.

W = Water.- Who gives the babe the baths?

Man V is in the bath with the babe in a pair of swimming shorts and washing his and the baby's hair simultaneously. He has no other time to shower since he's busy being a dad and a celebrity at the same time.

X = X-mas- what do you guys plan for the holidays?

It would really depend on how old your baby is or if you were still pregnant. If you were still preggers he'd prefer to stay at home, just in case the baby wants out. But if the baby was a newborn he'd also prefer staying at home, his first Christmas with his new family would be special to him. but if the baby was more like a toddler he'd go and visit your and his parents, letting his son or daughter run around with their cousins whom they only met for the first time that same day. Either way he wants to get professional pictures done and they are hella cheesy at that.

Y = Yelling.- How many fights do the two of you get in?

It's not like loud arguing fights but when you guys are mad at each other you guys only talk when you have to. It sucks for V bc he values communication but when the baby is there he doesn't want to argue in front of them. If the fight started in the beginning of the day most likely it'll end at night when the baby is asleep and you guys are talking quietly in bed, trying to figure out the source of the problem. He hates going to bed angry so it will get resolved or else he is not sleeping a wink that night.

Z = Zoo- How crazy is the house after the birth?

It's just a mess. Somehow there is baby food on the ceiling. Dried wipes are everywhere. Toys all on the floor. It gets even worse when the baby learns how to walk.

~Blake

[naturalbornlesbian7]

I have been in so much stress for the past few days. I literally couldn't even believe I could have so much stress on quarantine being at home alone. I think I am definitely taking a break from interacting with people for one day. I have already told my friends that I am not going to answer to their messages tomorrow( well except my mom and my dad, they will just go mad crazy if I don't reply to them for one day straight😅)

Soo I have started reading this psychology self-help book and the first page got me thinking. I think its a good book, bc the first page already describes exactly how I am feeling atm and I think I might find some answers in it. I usually do when I look for them. It always works.

I have been wondering, how does it feel to always be right? To be the one who yells at people for making mistakes and not the one who gets yelled at? I am wondering what does it feel like when you live your life guilt free knowing you always do everything right and people around you do it wrong and you can just judge them like nobody's business knowing that its them who are wrong and you can sleep calmly without worrying about your every single step and every single word you say.

I would like to know bc I can't relate. It seems as if the world is divided to people who make mistakes and people who judge them. I know judging is bad and I almost never do it, I do my best no to,but sometimes I wish I could be in the latter camp. Being in the former one sucks. I have a huge guilt complex and it doesn't make it easier. I feel guilt every day. For every word I say.

How do other people know how to always be right?? A question here to the ones who always get it right,who are always the ones knowing what to do and how to interact wih people. Who are the first to angrily point out to someone's mistake or pick at someone else's words: how long have you been studying psychology? I am not a psychologist but I have read soooo many books in my life. I have always tried to learn how to talk to people and to always be polite. Sometimes it worked sometimes it still doesnt and I end up hurting someone's feelings. How do you all do it? Where do you get the talent of being perfect? Tell me bc I am desperate to know. I am tired of feeling guilty all the time. Starting my morning with tears and finishing the day with tears. Have you been practicing a lot? Or is it something given that you can't obtain?

You, the ones who scold, the ones who never feel guilty,have you ever made a mistake? Have you ever done smth wrong or said smth wrong or have you been always like that? That perfect?

Sometimes I feel like its better for me to not interact with anyone at all. To hide in the woods. Maybe that way I prevent myself from hurting anyone🤔 I am literally stressing over it so much every time I have to say smth. I have noticed that it happenes mostly in here,online, in lesbian circles. Is it bc most of us are highly traumatized people? I have never had this problem irl with people I have had to deal with all my life tbh. It was always chill and okay and it still is. When it comes to tumblr and all you always have to think ahead all of you next moves, or else you are a bad person.

I am learning every day from my mistakes and I have already learned so much. Everytime I remember really good what I did wrong and next time the list of the things I did wrong in the past appears in my head and I easily remember what I should avoid in the conversation bc the feeling of guilt following each situation is so strong its hard to forget it. The thing is that everytime the rules are more and more subtle and tricky. Its not "dont be plain rude to people" anymore. Its like"be ready to analize every word you say. Have you metioned strawberries in your conversation? A person might have an allergy and it might be a trigger for them" or "you mentioned that you enjoy watching sunset from your rooftop? A person u r talking with might have fallen from a rooftop of their house when they were 7 and broken their leg, it might be a trigger for them" or like just " watch the TONE u use in the conversations" but then again how do I do it if these are just letters...How do I make sure my tone is okay? I already put sorry after each word and say "I think" "My opinion".

Honestly,idk how am I supposed to always say the right thing. I really wanna know. I try to learn as much as possible to not hurt anyone. I get tired of constant stress while talking to some people online. I feel the need to constantly apologize but apologizes even sincere ones never work. And I know the feeling of guilt doesnt mean u r a good person. Bad people can do bad things,feel guilty but still keep doing them. Thats why I always remember what I did wrong and try to never repeat it. But new things pop out.

Sometimes I begin to think that I am so bad that I dont even deserve having people around me that enjoy my company. Especially its important for me to have good relationship with lesbian sisters💓 But sometimes it gets hard. I think we should stick together and be more forgiving to each other. Because I try my best to avoid saying smth wrong in their presence. I do my best to be friends with all of them but its difficult. One says something and you agree but then another one says smth different and you agree. And you have to choose to be hated by one or another. I dont wanna be hated by anyone. I just want to be friends with them all. Its a blessing to me to have lesbians around me even if its still not irl for now. We all have different opinions and I wish we learned how to coexist one with another while respecting each others' views. I wish we could have more empathy and tolerance towards one another. I desperatelty try to be seen as a good person by women like me bc I havent had a privilege to be surrounded by them in the first place. Keeping good relationships with other lesbians is important for me. We should all be together in these hard times...