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passionate-baker · 6 years ago

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Italian Adventures Part II: Bologna

Finally, the time has come - welcome to Italian Adventures Part II: Bologna!

Boyfriend introduced me to the gorgeous city of Bologna not long after we got together, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s why it holds such a special place in my heart. On our first trip there, I fell head-over-heels for the city & ever more smitten with Boyfriend. We’ve been back a handful of times since that first visit, & every time - without fail - we dream of uprooting everything we have here in Dublin & running off to the Emilia-Romagna capital. It’s romantic, it’s quaint & peaceful, it miraculously remains somewhat untainted by tourism, and it’s the birthplace of one of our favourite meals: the mighty ragu.

Bologna is known as ‘La Grassa’ in Italian - which translates to ‘the fat’ in English - & it isn’t hard to see why: you will be extremely hard pressed to have a bad meal in the city. Although I’ve included a list of our favourite restaurants below, use that more as a guideline to get out & find the places that work for you; we’ve eaten at a hell of a lot more restaurants than are listed here, but these are our old faves. Wherever you find yourself, please don’t miss the opportunity to enjoy two dishes - tagliatelle al ragu & gramigna alla salsiccia - both of which are specialties of the city. You can thank us when you get home.

As with our Italian Adventures Part I: Florence guide, there is a huge amount of recommendations in this post. To make life easier, I’ve streamlined everything into six sections: Stay / Coffee / Eat / Drink / Museums + Attractions / Places to See + Things to Do. The difference between the last two sections is an entry fee; Museums + Attractions are all paid entrance, while the Places to See + Things to Do are free.

Happy travelling, friends!

S T A Y

Airbnb // we stayed in the most fantastic apartment on our last visit. The flat - Silent Bright Apartment - is located a stone’s throw from Strada Maggiore & was honestly the best Airbnb experience we’ve ever had. It was spacious and clean, it had a balcony, it overlooked the blazing rooftops of the city, the kitchen was extremely well equipped for cooking, the bed was amazing, and there was a bathtub in the bedroom. The location was about an eight minute walk to the main square in the city. Basically: it. was. perfection. Added bonus: there was a totally adorable turtle roaming free in the courtyard below! We named him Sporo and had a really hard time leaving him behind.

Albergo delle Drapperie // if you’re looking for something more central, you can’t really find anything better than this boutique hotel. It’s quite small, and it literally overlooks the bustling market stalls of the old town. If I remember correctly: the hotel is across the road from a beautiful flower shop (feast for your eyes), around the corner from Tamborini (feast for your belly), and a further few minutes walk from Osteria del Sole (feast for your Italian soul), which is kind of exactly where you want to be.

C O F F E E

Caffe Zanarini // for us, this is the Gilli of Bologna. The coffee is fantastic, the pastries are even better, and the space has that super Italian feel to it that just warms my heart. We normally nab a spot along the bar & enjoy our breakfast the true Italian way, but once in a while we treat ourselves to the somewhat extortionate prices for a table outside on the square. Let me tell you, it is always worth it, if even just for the people watching. (And pigeons.) A must-visit.

E A T

Trattoria Serghei // three words: gramigna alla salsiccia. After ragu (duh), this is the dish of Bologna, and Serghei do it extremely well. It’s a small, traditionally run family joint that we find ourselves returning to time and time again. The food is always exceptional. We normally go for the ragu & the salsiccia pasta dishes to start, and then share a big hunk of meat as a main - the last time, it was an insanely tender pork shank that was about the same size as Boyfriend’s head. Amen to that! A must-visit.

Osteria de Coltelli Da Biagio // a tiny bit further than some might be willing to venture, but the food is worth it. The dishes are on the larger, heartier side of things, and the meal as a whole was outstanding value for money! ... that said, we did notice the staff favoring the locals over tourists like us, but the quality of the food was high enough for us to let this slide.

La Capriata // wandering along a covered archway off Strada Maggiore one day, we stumbled across LC & decided to stop in for a lazy lunch. We ate in the most beautiful sun-drenched courtyard, surrounded by lemon trees. The food was outstanding. It was super fresh - we had an amazing caprese salad that was beyond delicious - and perfectly traditional; I had an unforgettable ragu with homemade pasta served in a Parmesan bowl. A bowl made of Parmesan = the stuff of dreams!

Pizza Regina // sometimes, you just need a pizza and you need it to be reliable. We opted for the less traditional take-out option and brought our meal with us to Osteria del Sole so we could have it with a beer. We ordered a custom made pizza - n’duja + mozzarella - & devoured it within five minutes of sitting down. It was amazing!

Lindt // I’m kind of a bit sorry/not sorry for including this in my list. Listen, just hear me out: we had delicious chocolate gelato in the most amazing chocolate hazelnut dipped cones and it was worth every single penny. I regret nothing.

La Sorbetteria Castiglione // for a more authentic gelato experience, we always trek a little bit out of our way and it never disappoints. Our faves are the pistacchio and nocciola!

D R I N K

Osteria del Sole // definitely one of our favourite places in all of Bologna. According to my notes, it’s the oldest osteria in the region - 1465 apparently! - and it is so bloody brilliant in it’s simplicity. You make your way through the market streets, buy some antipasti goods in the nearby market, bring it into Osteria del Sole, buy a drink to go with it, and have your lunch picnic style alongside locals at one of the long communal tables. It is fantastic. An experience not to be missed: a must-visit.

Osteria I’Infedele // a recent find. Similar in style to Osteria del Sole in that it was small, filled with locals, cheap & relaxed, but it had a more youthful vibe to it and a wider drinks selection of cocktails etc.

RosaRose // located on Via Clavature, this is a fantastic spot for people watching. Boyfriend & I sat outside for hours one evening, listening to a nearby street musician, soaking up the atmosphere, enjoying the free platter of food that came with our spritzs, watching the sky change from blue to pink to dusk. Perfection. To experience the true Bologna vibe, this is a must-visit.

Enoteca Italiana // a beautiful wine shop that has a small amount of barrels & stools for dining on. We enjoyed some wine with a delicious meat & cheese platter on one of our first visits, and have since returned for breakfast & coffee.

Bar Senza Nome // a fantastically vibrant bar, located on a buzzy street lined with heaps of similar places. However! This one, apparently, is the only bar in Italy that is run & managed by deaf people. It’s amazing! You go in & the walls are lined with how-to sign language photos for ordering your drink! If you aren’t brave enough, the barmaids read your lips and that’s equally as amazing. Such a fantastic experience. Added bonus: you can eat your weight in free monkey nuts while drinking extremely cheap spritzs! Probably our favourite bar in the world. A must-visit.

Birreria Popolare // a hipster craft beer place that was located conveniently near to our apartment. We were drawn in by the beer emoji sign out front, and we sampled some nice Italian beer. Added bonus: if you’re lucky enough to visit at the right time (we were), you get a free platter of food with your drinks!

Le Stanze // I kind of liked the thought of this bar more than I actually enjoyed our experience there. It’s located inside an old chapel from the 16th century, and there are original frescoes still lining the walls & the ceilings. It was cool to see the artwork, but there was nothing distinctly Italian about the place. It was overpriced, and too touristy for our tastes.

M U S E U M S + A T T R A C T I O N S

Palazzo dell’Archiginnasio // one of the most magical, dreamlike buildings I’ve ever visited - somewhat reminiscent of Hogwarts. Boyfriend & I spent ages wandering back and forth along the arched passageways, but the real draw (and the part you have to pay into) is the wooden Teatro Anatomico from the 17th century, where they used to hold anatomy lessons. Worth the €3!

Santa Maria della Vita // the lure of this church, although pretty beautiful in its own right, is actually a fantastic group of wooden sculptures hidden in the back. They charge a measly €4 to see the group, but it’s certainly worth it: the scene depicted is the moment that Jesus dies, and honestly they are some of the most expressive pieces of art we’ve seen.

La Due Torri // yes, it’s very steep, and yes, it’s claustrophobic.. but it’s worth it for the breathtaking views over the terracotta rooftops of Bologna. Added bonus: it’s super cheap! A must-visit.

Palazzo Fava // a renaissance palace & art gallery space. The very first time we went to Bologna together, we saw an amazing Edward Hopper exhibition here, so it’s definitely worth checking upcoming shows just in case!

Museo Civico Archeologico // fantastic archaeology museum to wander around if you find yourself looking for something to do. Particular highlights for us were the beautiful building itself, and the Egyptian exhibition.

P L A C E S T O S E E + T H I N G S T O D O

Market shopping // wandering along the tiny streets around Via Drapperie and Via Pescherie Vecchie, you get a real feel for the Bologna lifestyle. The flower shops, the fish stalls, the butchers, the cheese-mongers, we love it all. Our favourite places to stop into for some goodies are Tamburini & Simoni, both of which are reliably great. Definitely a must-visit.

Basilica di San Petronio // the central basilica in the middle of Piazza Maggiore. A beautiful internal space, much bigger than it looks from the outside. Note: if you want to take photographs inside the church, you have to pay a small fee.

R E L A T E D P O S T S :

Bremen, Germany // Paris, France // Amsterdam, Holland // Copenhagen, Denmark // Cork, Ireland // Edinburgh, Scotland // Westport, Ireland // Barcelona, Spain // Munich, Germany // Vienna, Austria // London, UK i - ii - iii // Florence, Italy

#bologna #travel #italy

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artificialqueens · 7 years ago

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Meat and greet (Trixya) ~ Evelyn°c

AN: I saw the fic challenge and i was truily inspired. Somwhere along the line i associated Anatomy, Flawless and Crispy with a cannibal AU. Its a weird concept, and the fic ended up going on alot longer than i expected. Also its set in England for some reason. ENjoY!!,!.!

Dear Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova

You are cordially invited to the annual feast of baroness needles, and we would be delighted to have you cater for the event. Im sure you are already aware of the guests unconventional tastes and trust you will prepare each dice of meat to the highest quality. We await your reply, and presence at the table.

Yours faithfully, Alaska~ ~

Of corse the invite was no surprise. It had been this way for the past four years. She’d chopped, diced, seasoned and minced food for the best. Baronesses, Countesses, even Queens.

Katya took another glance at the finely inked words on the parchment in front of her. She rolled her thumbs over the flat surface of the paper, it felt like it was probably worth more than her entire existence.

The words burnt into her mind. Unconventional tastes. Thats certainly one way to put it. Nothing about this was conventional. She choked the rising feeling of dread back down into the pit of her stomach as she looked up from the paper to the stone structure ahead of her.

She found herself on the infamous driveway of Sharon’s mansion. Anybody who was anyone had been here, gawking at the archaic stone structure and probably questioning their decision to visit. The sunrise casted a silhouette of abject terror over Katya.

The nicest way to describe it would be intimidating, but even this was a push. The walls were draped in ivy and lichens, spilling from each crevice, crack and gargoyle the mansion contained. The stone itself was less of a grey, more a stained black, presumably from the years of moss swallowing the building. Twisted trees with dislocated branches splintered in the distance, bearing no leaves.

The thick fog rolling over the valley didn’t exactly ease the atmosphere either. Katya began her trudge up the drive feeling the gravel underfoot envelope her heel with a satisfying crunch, the feint buzz of light coming from the tinted windows just visible as it soaked into the mist.

The only thing spookier was probably Baroness needles herself.

Katya felt the sting of cold air knife her as she grasped the edges of her jumper, knuckles turning white. She let out a drawn breath before finally making it to a large regal door, equipped with a bronzed knocker in the shape of a serpents face. She ran her hands through her frizzy blonde hair taking in the feeling of deja vu.

The cook gave a brief knock, awaiting a response. Of corse Alaska or Sharon themselves wouldn’t answer, it would be one of their various butlers unfortunate enough to find employment there.

Katya leaned on the frame of the door, observing the landscape. Thorn bushes never yielded any type of flower in the vast courtyard, and any pond with once running water was reduced to a thick mass of brown and black algae. Sharon had inherited the mansion but god knows how. Her chats with Baroness needles were normally limited to food preparation, so much of her past was unbeknownst to Katya.

Alaska on the other hand was a more sharing individual. She’d stop by the mansion kitchen every now and then, maybe ask for advice on what colour to wear then and wander off. Katya could only imagine what drew Alaska and Sharon to marry in the first place, but she had a feeling Alaska’s lust for money had some role in the matter.

Nothing about Alaska and Sharron’s wealth was subtle. They flaunted it. Every social event, every gathering, they wore crowns and jewels supplied by countries Katya couldn’t even pronounce. They threw events left right and centre, but this event was special.

Not because the guests were royalty, not even because of the excessive amount of cash being flaunted. It was special because the dish Katya would be serving was human flesh.

Admittedly, this was an acquired taste, but Katya was never one to judge a pallet, especially that of the richest people in the country. She liked to treat it as any other dish she prepared. Any other shank of lamb, any other belly of pork.

Katya could picture the stiff pale body in the middle of the cold metallic table. She could picture the apron she’d been so used to, draping around her form, covered in copper blood, rusted and brown. She could picture the blank milky eyes staring into Katya’s blue ones, eyelids peeled back from de-hydration.

She had become accustomed to the anatomy of the human body very well at this point. She knew what flesh tasted good with what kind of wine, and what parts were rendered useless and chucked outside for the crows. She could recite every meat cleaver in order of size and tell you the best one to use for cutting cartilage.

Alas, each calculated chop and stab still brought up a question in her mind, no matter how hard she tried to shove it down. How did they die?

Of corse Katya didn’t kill the victim herself, thats just immoral. Her best guess is that Sharon sourced dead bodies from a local morgue or something, but the bodies never looked a day over 30. Whatever they died of wasn’t old age.

Though morally twisted, Katya found herself in this position every year. She never stuck around to eat the specially prepared meat, her clothes just didn’t match the high fashion atmosphere. She looked like a pebble in comparison to the diamond encrusted corsets and gowns.

Why would this year be any different? For starters, a butler didn’t answer the door, Sharon did. The Baroness instinctively grimaced at Katyas apparel after looking her up and down.

“Hello to you too” Katya sniffed after a few seconds of silence, turning her attention from the courtyard to the well dressed woman ahead of her.

No surprises, Sharon was clad head to toe in black, pale skin in stark contrast, creating the visage of some sort of undead leather fetishist. Her pupils were two pin pricks, sharpened further by the shadow that engulfed her eyes.

She looked behind Katya, scanning for other people in the way only a paranoid cannibal would. “Katya, do come in” Sharon spoke through her jagged teeth, gritted into an obligatory smile.

Katya stepped into the confides of the mansion. whilst the exterior was more than grim, the interior screamed sophistication and wealth. Her eyes were first drawn to the long velvet staircase, a rich shade of red with gold lining. Katya could picture the grand entrances Sharon had probably indulged herself in over the past few years.

The room was a warm hue of red, lit up by a glass chandelier just overhead. Paintings strung up around the wall depicted past and present queens, a good deal of them a participant in the annual feast. Katya shuddered, picturing gravy dribbling down chins with the noise of crunching bones and fat filling the dining hall.

The pair entered the front room as Sharon began to furrow her brow almost instantaneously. “Look there’s been some trouble with the…meat”

“How much trouble can dead meat cause? Did it bite you?” Katya joked, feeling the gust of wind slam the door behind her, causing her to jump.

“Theres been some trouble getting the meat” Sharon spat back, rolling her eyes. She began pacing the room, rubbing her temple instinctively. “Ive got too many people coming tonight, i can’t tell them they aren’t getting any food…”

Katya shrugged, making her way over to the shelves to observe the various taxidermied creatures on display. “So ill just cook up some beef. The posh bastards will never know the difference”

“Katya, they’re paying thousands to eat human flesh, if its not somebody else’s they’ll eat mine” Sharon sighed, looking up at one of her many paintings.

“I don’t know what you want me to do about it, we could cook Alaska?” Katya laughed, poking a particular stuffed racoon apprehensively, only half listening to the baroness.

“For god’s sake I’m being serious, my reputation is on the line!” Sharon yelled, lacing a hand through her white hair, balling her fist. She looked tense. Sharon’s expression cleared slightly as she began to approach a startled Katya. “I need you to do something for me.” She spoke with a hint of desperation.

Katya backed off a little bit here, bumping into the shelves. “No way you aren’t eating me, back up” She said frantically, raising her hands in front of her.

“Not you dipshit”

Oh.

“Then who?”

The baroness narrowed her eyes in consideration here. “A member of staff.” She nodded, happy with her conclusion. “I want you to kill a member of staff.”

Katya reeled back, she was used to cooking people, not killing people. Those were two completely different leagues. “Why cant you?”

“I have to tend to the guests, completely out of the question” Sharon shook her head, crossing her arms expectantly. “Are you in need of some extra persuasion miss Zamo?”

“Im not sure i like where this is going” Katya grimaced, looking around for Alaska.

“I’ll pay double”

“Well this is a potentially traumatic experience for me. The guilt may drive me insane…” Katya drawled, tracing her finger across the wooden surface of the shelf.

“Triple”

How could she refuse? She’d live in luxury for the entire year with that kind of change in her pocket. Katya pursed her lips. She needed to show Sharon she meant business here. “Triple plus that stuffed racoon” She pointed, grinning manically at the creature.

The white haired woman planted her head between her palms. “I can’t believe you” She croaked. “Fine, just have them dead and cooked by this afternoon” She said, making her way over to the staircase where she took one last glance at Katya.

“Any member of staff?”

“Except the butlers”

“And just to confirm not Alaska?”

Baroness needles stormed up the staircase, mumbling some profanities to herself. Katya chuckled before taking a glance at the grand clock in the corner. 9:45. Sharon was right, the guests would arrive soon and there was only so much stalling she could do.

With that, Katya brushed the lint from her jumper. Nothing stood between her and getting £100,000. By any means necessary, she’d eliminate another human being for the satisfaction of 50 inebriated millionaires.

Katya strolled around the courtyard. The air was still thick with fog as she tried to navigate her way around the rows of dead greenery and fallen leaves. The blonde squinted her eyes, trying to distinguish any kind of human silhouette.

Katya wasn’t sure who she was looking for, but she concluded most of the butlers worked in the house, and Sharon had made it clear butlers were off limits. Perhaps she could find a nice janitor, scrubbing the gutters precariously balanced on a ladder that could take an ‘accidental fall.’

Katya was enjoying this a little too much, going over each possible scenario for murder in her head.

After a small walk and a few unfortunate accidents involving stepping on snails, Katya found herself at the furthest end of the courtyard. She felt the cobblestone and leaves under her feet abruptly end as it was replaced with lush grass, still moist from last nights downpour.

If the rest of the garden was dead, this part was living, breathing.

The hedgerows littered with berries, a glossy red colour, resembling small marbles rather than fruit. Circles of mud decorated with soft pink primroses and petunias surrounded Katya. Gusts of wind would rustle the trees and wind-chimes, sounding delicate metalIic clinks. It was an idealistic flawless sanction of growth.

Everything was undeniably pretty, but also raised a few questions. Why the hell would such a thriving area of garden be in an otherwise stony decaying courtyard? It wasn’t exactly fitting with The baronesses aesthetic. Alaska didn’t seem the type either.

“Oh, can i help you?” A hushed voice sounded behind Katya, causing her to jolt and grasp at her heart in mild shock. She spun in place towards the source of the noise.

Stood by a small tree with a pair of hedge clippers in hand was a woman with long blonde hair. Katya was completely caught off guard, she was almost as flawless as the garden she was maintaining. Deep blue eyes, a sympathetic smile, a terrifyingly large pair of hedge clippers. Katya almost forgot to breathe. She shook herself out of it. This had to be a sign. The other woman was tall and curvy in figure, she looked delectable. “Just admiring this beautiful garden.” Katya admitted, making her way over to the blonde. “You did this yourself?” She asked, arching a brow.

The other girl grinned, flushing slightly, using a well manicured hand to brush some dirt off her pink skirt. “I thought it was a shame such a large garden was so empty” she said propping the clippers against the tree.

Katya was standing in front of her now, putting on her best smile. She needed every moment to be casual, nothing out of the ordinary. If Katya did this right the girl would think she’s just making a new friend. “I didn’t think Sharon hired gardeners?”

“Ah she brought me in a couple of months ago…” She looked to the floor here. “Do you work here too?”

“Im the chef for the event tonight, Katya Zamolodchikova.” The smaller woman said, enjoying the blondes reaction to hearing her last name. Katya was aware it was an unusual one, most would assume she’s Russian.

“Trixie Mattel” she beamed, extending a hand for a brief shake. “You’ve been to the feast?? Whats it like?” She gasped, her pink lips thinning into an expectant smile as they parted hands.

“Have you seen the scene in Indiana jones where they serve monkey brains? Sort of like that” Katya chuckled. Trixie screamed in delight. Of corse she would have no idea what the real dish was, if word got out there would be a public scandal no amount of money could cover up.

“Ive always wanted to sit at the table with Sharon, thats a life long dream” Trixie admitted, crossing her arms and drifting off into fantasy. Little did Trixie know she would be at the meal. She’d be the guest of honour.

A plan formulated in Katya’s head as Trixie looked wistfully into the distance. She’d have to murder her of corse. There was too much money riding on someone being dead to not go through with it. Still, she was such a sweet girl. Shyly breaking eye contact, red around her ears and cheeks. Such a waste of life.

“Well” Katya said, pulling Trixie out of her daydream and placing a hand on her shoulder. “How about i whip you up some food? You must be hungry”

Trixie burnt under Katya’s touch. “I couldn’t expect you to do that for me” she shook her head, looking both apologetic and grateful.

“Nonsense it would be my pleasure, lets go” Katya spoke sternly. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Katya pictured the scene in her head, Trixie biting down on Katya’s specially prepared dish, the poison seeping into her body, inevitably shutting it down. Quick and easy. She’d poison Trixie mattel.

Trixie tried to protest but Katya’s hand moved from her shoulder to the small of her back, forcing her along the pathway. “Its a lovely offer but-”

“How does a nice beef wellington sound?” Katya cut in, flashing a perfect row of teeth to the taller woman.

Trixie looked slightly confused, knitting her brows. “That wouldn’t be so bad” she shrugged as the pair made their way down the path, exchanging pleasantries and light conversation.

“I’ve never had a chance to explore the mansion” Trixie said, wide eyed admiring the dining hall, running her fingers across each surface as she passed. “If Alaska or Sharon found me slacking off they’d have my head on a platter”

Katya let out a small laugh, but not for the right reasons. She looked over to the other girl, she really was in awe of everything the mansion contained. She felt a small pang of guilt remembering this would be the last thing Trixie would ever see.

“It has it’s charm” Katya admitted, making her way over to the table in the centre of the room. Silver cutlery circled the edges, placemats probably woven from the silk of Scandinavian jumping spiders or something outrageously posh like that.

Trixie nodded, taking a seat. Katya instinctively took the chair besides her, quirking a brow. “So, how do you like your beef?” Katya inquired, a joking tone in her voice.

“Ive literally never thought about it…crispy?” Trixie giggled, resting the side of her head into her palm.

“Eloquently put miss Mattel” Katya leaned back in her seat, taking in the smell of floral incense that attempted to cover the smell of thick varnish that plagued the stately home. She heard Trixie sound a small chuckle beside her.

“I cant help feeling a bit bad, i have nothing to offer in return for a lovely meal” The gardener admitted to Katya. She sounded sincerely apologetic. This made Katya shift in her seat. The more the other blonde spoke the more real the situation was. She felt sick.

“How about a bunch of flowers?” Katya spoke, voice strained. She just wanted to get this over with. The less time it had to fester in her mind the better. “We’ll take a stroll back to the garden before i have to begin meal preparation for the guests”

“I’d like that” Trixie nodded, that familiar creep of red showing around her ears.

Katya smiled, giving her a quick wink before standing from her seat and making her way over to the kitchen door. This was getting alot more sentimental than Katya was hoping for. Her time with Trixie, though brief, had sent a hurricane of conflicting feelings through Katya.

Her laugh, her smile, her sense of humour. Of all people deserving of death it certainly wasn’t Trixie. Katya took a glance back to the gardener. She was poking at the silverware on the table with a huge grin. Adorable.

To think she was about 6 hours away from being served on a platter.

Katya burst through the kitchen door, hand over her mouth, feeling about ready to eject her stomach through her throat. She saw the room she’d been so used to. For the past four years she had no hangups about slicing and dicing dead bodies, why would Katya start growing a conscience for a poorer-than-dirt worker?

Katya wiped a growing bead of sweat from her brow. No, this wasn’t right. 100,000 quid doesn’t make it any more acceptable to take another life. Still, she had to give Sharon something. If she went back empty handed, Katya would never find work again.

The cook groaned. She did know one thing. She had promised a delicious, crispy, beef wellington to Trixie.

After about half an hour of pounding beef and rolling puff pastry with pure rage, Katya had popped a savoury dish in the oven. She opened the overhead cabinet and spotted the rat poison, wincing at its glaring warning sign equipped with skull and crossbones. This would be the garnish, the finishing touch. Taking it down from the shelf, Katya placed the poison on the side for later use, turning quickly to exit the kitchen and check on Trixie.

“In the oven” The chef puffed, taking the same seat beside the gardener. “You, Trixie Mattel, are in for a treat”

“Im sure i am” Trixie laughed breathlessly. They were sitting close. Katya could see each of her features gleam under the intensive lighting. “Can i ask you a question though?”

Shit, had Katya blown it? Crap she could only imagine what Trixie was about to ask. The last thing she wanted was to raise suspicion.

“Your last name is odd, are you from Russia?”

Oh.

“Not last time i checked” Katya let out a sigh of relief hearing the other blonde chuckle. God, she enjoyed Trixie’s laugh a bit too much. It was infectious. Katya let out a breathy laugh grasping the side of Trixie’s arm leaning forward. Not that her comment had been particularly funny, but the gardeners delight was infectious.

“I didn’t think there was anyone on the estate that would go near me” Trixie admitted, Katya’s hand still clasped around her arm. “I was surprised when you offered me food” Her voice softened.

“Well you seemed like you earned it. Anyone who has to put up with Sharon needles deserves a 5 star meal”

They sat there for a moment, Katya realising her grip on Trixie was a little too tight as she reluctantly removed her hand. She broke eye contact and began to scoot back her chair. “I should go check on the-”

“Wait, Katya” She felt a warm grasp around her hand, stopping the chef in her tracks. She looked over to a flustered Trixie. “I-uh…Thank you”

Katya paused for a moment before offering a large open mouthed smile. “You are too sweet miss Matell, thank me after you’ve eaten” Katya squeezed down on Trixie’s hand before letting go, standing from her seat. Trixie sunk back down in her chair slightly with a defeated look. It pained Katya but she really couldn’t allow herself to get attached.

Katya pushed open the kitchen doors and glanced over the prepared food, baking in the rattling oven. She took it out, chewing the inside of her cheek, feeling the sting of heat under her fingertips as she placed it on the cool counter by the rat poison.

This is for 100,000 pounds. Thats alot of money. How many copies of contact can you buy with that kind of cash? Alot probably.

Katya steadied herself as she opened up the poison container with a satisfying pop, before taking a handful of pellets in her fist. She was shaking badly, trying not to picture Trixie’s face. Reluctantly the cook stuffed the pellets within the confides of the beef wellington. She was sure enough they could be passed off as fancy herbs if the question arose.

She added the finishing touches before delicately placing it on a silver platter. Katya would even consider eating it herself aside from the fatal dose of rodent killer. Walking through the doors into the dining hall, Katya saw Trixie’s look of amazement as she oogled at the steaming dish.

“I can see why they hire you here” Trixie said with an exited tone, eyes fixated on the silver platter. “Want to half it with me?”

Katya shook her head patting her stomach, placing the platter on the varnished surface. “Im watching my diet”

Trixie shrugged before taking the knife and fork from the table, sinking it deep into the beef wellington, relishing the slow cracking noise of the pastry. She looked so contented. Katya wanted to look away but she couldn’t. All the thoughts and doubts she had been pushing down were surfacing. She was about to commit murder, no better than a petty criminal. No amount of money would rectify that.

No amount of money would change the fact she’d taken another life.

“Wait wait Trix” Katya spluttered instinctively before the beef could reach Trixie’s lips. The gardener turned to her expectantly, a little confused. Katya had to think of a reasonable explanation fast.

“I…didn’t check the expiration date on that beef” Katya choked, mustering up the lamest excuse she could. “I wouldn’t eat that”

Trixie put the fork down, still smiling. “You tease” She joked, shaking her head. “Well, i still got to see the mansion at least”

Katya felt a wave of relief wash over her, followed by the jolt of realisation that she’d never find work again. Sharon would make sure of that. It didn’t phase Katya at this point, her newest friend would stay alive and healthy, planting flowers, blood pumping.

She felt the urge to just run. Get out of the mansion as soon as possible. Katya shrugged at Trixie before giving another one of her manic grins. “Fancy going out for a meal instead?”

“Im supposed to be working”

“I’ll vouch for you” That was a lie on Katya’s behalf. She was never going to set foot near Sharon or Alaska again. Or at least thats what she hoped.

“Well-”

Before Trixie got the chance to reply she was being dragged out the door, into the low fog. Katya knew this was the right choice, the dinner guests would just have to go hungry tonight. Their meal was safe and sound by Katya’s side, laughing at her terrible jokes.

They left the estate laughing maniacally, talking about food.

#trixya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #au #cisgirl au #fic challenge #Evelyn°c #rpdr fanfiction #submission #tw cannibalism #lesbian au

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zed-air · 6 years ago

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On the Road: 2018 Toronto

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Wagons east! First stop: Toronto.

Visited in: 2004, 2006, 2010, 2018.

Click the “keep reading” link below for blog, photos, and more.

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TRAVEL / ARRIVAL / LODGING

The flight was the shortest one I’ve taken in years, and not too bad. I spent it reading Kitchen Confidential - a book I’ve wanted to read for years. (Why not start things off in a positive way.) We flew into Pearson Airport, arriving in the mid-afternoon local time. Traditionally, I hate this airport, and their security people tend to hate me. No issues this time around. We took the (new?) train from the airport to Union Station in downtown Toronto. The trip was convenient and comfortable. Once arrived, we walked up to Queen Street for a quick meal before tracking down our Air B&B via streetcar. No issues to speak of.

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We stayed in a basement suite of an old house, which was well suited to our needs. The suite, though oddly configured, didn’t interfere with or complicate our stay. Good location; good amenities; somewhere we’d gladly stay again if the price doesn’t skyrocket.

QUEEN STREET / ORIENTATION

My wife and I last visited Toronto in 2010 on the return-end of our honeymoon, again to visit family and to see the first screening of an animated film I’d soundtracked. 2010 was probably my worst experience in the city, and one of many reasons why it took us eight years to return. But, even with such long gaps between visits, it’s refreshing and hopeful that my seemingly-failing memory has as much capacity for orientation as it does for useless trivia. Especially while on Queen Street (either end), I usually knew more-or-less where I was at all times. Various landmarks I’d seen on earlier trips were in the correct spots - those that haven’t moved, anyway....

Sadly, one of my favourite local landmarks is gone now - first a mysterious and abandoned-looking sign with no clues, just ‘CZEHOSKI’, but a few years later a restaurant occupied the space under the same sign. I just read that, after a decade, it closed in 2015 under dubious circumstances.

BEST BREAKFASTS

The Eggs Benedict at Lady Marmalade were the best I’ve ever had in Toronto. Really excellent and the side of tomatoes is an ideal and underused one with Benedicts - better than the sloppy fruit assortments one typically gets.

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Toronto has history in pork production, and bacon sandwiches are a good food item to enjoy here. I only got to sample one variety, but Rashers’ Hogtown Sandwich (fried egg, peameal bacon, grain mustard) was excellent.

BEST DINNERS

Cote de Boeuf was a last-minute substitute when our initial dinner plans for Portuguese food failed. Cote de Boeuf was very full, but open late. We opted to stand outside for 30 mins waiting for a table rather than finding somewhere else, but it worked out alright.��Thank goodness their front window is filled with raw meat. They cook a good steak au poivre, and make the best Old Fashioned I had in Toronto. Ridiculously tiny table, though.

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Pizzeria Libretto makes good Neapolitan-style thin-crust pizzas, and the prosciutto and arugula pizza I had here was outstanding. Very much like Famoso’s on a good day, but with different varieties.

OTHER MEALS AND ALMOST MEALS

Shortly after exiting Union Station upon our arrival, we wandered in the direction of our streetcar stop, and ate at the first place where there seemed adequate clearance for ourselves and our luggage. That place was Bannock. The servers were friendly and attentive, and the others really enjoyed their mac & cheese and ribs. We also had very good bannock bread in various preparations with dip as a starter. I ordered the poutine, which started out ok but the small bowl quickly became this dense black hole of heavy food that sat like a rock. A crisp local lager helped move things along.

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I met a family friend for lunch at Rodney’s Oyster House and had raw oysters and smoked fish. The prairies aren’t really an ideal place to eat raw oysters, so I figured I’d have better luck eating them nearer to water and served by specialists. The oysters were good, the smoked fish a bit underwhelming, and the visit overdue.

Kalyvia on Danforth made us a half-disappointing Greek meal. We love Greek food, but it seemed the heat and/or the food was stacked against us. Most of my family had unhappy tummies after this meal. My lamb shanks were disappointing (stick with Souvlaki, moron...), but the appetizers were enjoyable and flavourful.

Hollandaise Diner is a favourite of the Toronto-branch of the family. Went there for breakfast one morning, but even though I had maximum customizability there, and made something nearly identical to what was had at Lady Marmalade, I didn’t really enjoy the results. Weak flavours. I’m guessing it was an off-day for their kitchen.

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Remarkable Bean makes a dependable cup of coffee, according to the missus.

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Sadly, we didn’t get a chance to eat at the terrifically-named Reliable Fish & Chips (est. 1930).

THE LONG WALK

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After my lunch of oysters, I had the afternoon to myself to explore town. Historically, when I travel I walk everywhere I can, and it helps me learn the place. This walk ended up being far longer, and far less fruitful than I’d hoped. Part of the problem was I’d really underestimated the distance between two stops.

I have good memories of an instrument shop in Toronto called Capsule Music, and they used to be located near Trinity Bellwoods Park on Queen Street West. Since my last visit, they’ve moved to a different location north west of the old one. Meanwhile, a different shop, Shyboy & Tex Repair Co., appeared to open on the same block, leading me to think they’d taken over the same address. Well, I walked up and down that block and saw no sign of anything resembling an instrument shop, despite Google Maps telling me it was there. Giving up on Shyboy, I decided to walk to Capsule’s new address. This resulted in walking for several unsure kilometres along the edge of Little Italy through various unremarkable residential areas. Due to poor/nonexistent signage, I ended up walking past Capsule by a few blocks before turning back at Dupont Street. This oversight cost me precious time. When I did manage to find Capsule Music, it was two minutes before they closed for the day. The staff seemed annoyed (understandably) that some weird sweaty guy walked in as they were closing (to be fair, their open sign was still on...), but I said hello, looked around, and wished them well. Then, when exiting, I smashed the top of my head on the cement ceiling at their doorway. Thanks to the extreme heat and my already exerted self, I’m not sure of the impact of the impact. Hurt like a bastard, though.

Now, quite far away from anywhere, I decided to continue walking in the general direction of home. Rather than heading back directly to Queen Street and taking the next streetcar home, I kept exploring - this time walking Bloor Street eastward. This took me through Korea Town and a few other ethnic regions. Bloor is a neat stretch, and one worth exploring more extensively when rested and flush with time. Once I reached Spadina, I turned south and walked (another greater-than-expected distance) to Queen Street, and gratefully sat down in the streetcar home.

I estimated I’d walked about 10km in total, but Google suggests it was closer to 12km, with nothing to show for it but an aching body and a lost afternoon. Oh well.

STARSKY

I got invited on a drive just outside of town to check out the terrific Starsky - a European food/goods superstore near Mississauga. One of my favourite things to do when traveling abroad is to explore grocery stores, supermarkets, and other goods vendors to see how they differ. This place was a stupendous place to spend a day exploring products, and their deli is a wonderland unto itself. Plus, they had an impressive selection of loose-leaf teas (some of which shown below).

And hey - free haircuts! (?)

CITY ATTITUDE AND STYLE

For those outside of Canada, Toronto occupies a similar place in the national psyche as London does to the English - the major centre that all the outsider towns resent for being self-important and acting superior. The fact that Toronto also has a reputation for thinking it’s the centre of the universe (NYC Jr.) and the greatest place in Canada often contributes to this resentment. It’s always felt to me to be an insecure place. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, depending on what one does with it.

I didn’t explore the town beyond a few neighbourhoods this time around, but it’s funny how, at least up and down Queen Street, Toronto has gone from NYC Jr. to Brooklyn Jr.. Again, not necessarily a bad thing, but certain things were surprising. It almost seems to be mandatory for people in Toronto to have tattoos now, especially the women. Most of the tattoos I saw weren’t particularly artful or well-executed. The clothes were a surprise too. It’s as though the early 90s have come back and the majority of folks are wearing ugly garments that fit badly. And the number of adults wearing shorts.... I don’t even think I own shorts. I think back on what I wore during my first visit here, and how I was criticized for it - this is worse. Of course I’m not saying this applies to everyone in the city, but it was prevalent.

There are also a lot more people visibly dealing with homelessness, drugs, and mental illness - more than I ever remember seeing on my previous visits - regardless of time of day and in plain sight. Even when walking through the residential parts of Little Italy, an obviously mentally-ill man was walking around mid-day, unhinged, screaming at no one visible to me. I did see some kindnesses toward a few of these people, folks helping where possible, but it was surprising how much more prevalent and visible this is now compared to previous visits. Maybe I just missed it before.

CUTLER AND GROSS

A happy surprise was finding a legitimate Cutler and Gross store. I’d never before seen a place dedicated to the brand in person, but I’ve worn their glasses for a decade. It was nice to see and try on lots of different frames back to back and in different colours. My daughter enchanted the room by putting on an ocular fashion show (a real spectacle!), and the staff were kind to let her try on so many glasses. I found a few pairs I don’t mind, but none of them fit me as well as my current pair (not the ones in the photo below). Didn’t buy anything this time around - maybe I’ll get to return someday when I have benefits again.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I first visited Toronto in 2004, aged 20, and hadn’t done much long-distance traveling before that. Thinking back, apart from an unexpected family trip to Hawaii a year earlier, that was to date the farthest away I’d ever been from Edmonton, and my first trip east. I went to visit family, and to see two brilliant concerts (first Kraftwerk, then Einsturzende Neubauten). During that first trip, I was repeatedly made to feel like a hick by the people and atmosphere of the place. I’ve since traveled to much bigger, and much better cities around the world - some I’ve loved, others I’ve hated - but none of the others left me with that hick feeling which echoed and tainted my subsequent visits.

I have a complicated history with the city. I’ve had some good and bad experiences almost every time I’ve visited. Toronto’s a different vibe, and a different attitude to where I’m from. Several (too many) of my friends who moved there tended to change for the worse. Maybe living in Toronto let them feel comfortable being themselves. Most aren’t friends any longer.

That being said, 2018 was my most-enjoyable visit to Toronto to date, and I left better inclined toward the town. It’s still not my favourite place on Earth, but it was nice to learn I can still enjoy myself there. Good food and good company always help.

#oskar zybart #blog #on the road #toronto #ontario #canada #eggs benedict

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juliandmouton30 · 8 years ago

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Where spam is born: Alastair Philip Wiper photographs the Tulip Pork Luncheon Meat factory

British photographer Alastair Philip Wiper has gone behind the scenes at a Danish factory to reveal the setting where pork luncheon meat – commonly known as spam – is produced.

Three years after touring one of the world's largest slaughterhouses, Wiper explored the Vejle production plant of Tulip Pork Luncheon Meat, the main rival of the Spam brand, and one of the world's biggest exporters of so-called meat in a tin.

His photography series, called Where Spam is Born, shows the complex conveyor belt system used to transform meat offcuts into a canned product, under strict safety and hygiene standards.

Here, he reveals the story behind the brand:

In my day it was all about Spam. A cultural icon worthy of ridicule by Monty Python in the 1960s, and the moniker given to one of the biggest pests of the information age, this humble brand of meat in a tin was the renowned – if rarely proudly eaten – household name when I was growing up in England in the 1980s. But throughout much of the rest of the world, meat in a tin is known equally by another name: Tulip Pork Luncheon Meat.

"It's very much the same thing as Spam," explained Stig Pedersen, plant manager at the Tulip factory in Vejle, Denmark, where over 130 million cans of Pork Luncheon Meat are produced each year.

"We are actually competing with the Spam brand worldwide – for instance in Okinawa we are big competitors."

From this factory, which opened in 1988, Pork Luncheon Meat is exported to over 100 countries.

"Sales are going up all the time. Canned products are not very sexy in Denmark – we only really use tomato and tuna and a few other things," continued Pedersen.

"The product Pork Luncheon Meat is not a familiar product in Denmark at all – most Danes wouldn't know what it is if you asked them. But outside Denmark it is very well known. In England and Germany, canned products are huge, and then we have very big markets in places like Okinawa, Korea, Panama, Puerto Rico and Papua New Guinea."

Not only is Pork Luncheon Meat well known abroad, it is often considered a delicacy. Wherever American troops have been stationed, they have brought Spam and Pork Luncheon Meat with them – its high protein and fat content, and shelf life of at least five years, has always made it a very practical addition to ration packs.

Not only is Pork Luncheon Meat well known abroad, it is often considered a delicacy

In Vietnam, one of the countries with the most vibrant cuisines in the world, slices of Spam wrapped in banana leaves sit in the middle of the table at many local restaurants.

The story goes that, during the war with the Americans, the Viet Cong would steal their supplies. Because of this, they discovered Spam, which they promptly acquired a taste for. Apparently there is nothing better to warm the cockles of any old timer's heart in Vietnam than to give them the gift of a tin of Spam.

"It's true, in Vietnam, they sometimes have alarms attached to the tins in the stores to stop people stealing them" said Michael Ravn, head of communication at the Tulip company. "The same happened in Okinawa – the American troops had it in their ration packs, and now Okinawa is one of the biggest markets, and Pork Luncheon Meat is regarded as a delicacy."

"In Japan it is very common to use Pork Luncheon Meat as a gift for the host when you visit friends and family," he continued. "They make gift boxes of Pork Luncheon Meat that you can bring in the same way that we would bring a nice bottle of wine."

In Vietnam, slices of Spam wrapped in banana leaves sit in the middle of the table at many local restaurants

"They also do that in Korea" added Pedersen. "A lot of the niche markets we are in are because of the presence of American troops, and that's how the locals started to eat Pork Luncheon Meat."

"There are 1.5 million people living in Okinawa, and they consume 3,500 tons of Tulip Pork Luncheon Meat per year. And they also eat Spam on top of that. If you measure per head, Okinawa is our biggest market. It is amazing how much they eat."

In Okinawa you can buy Hawaiian shirts with prints of tins of Tulip Pork Luncheon Meat all over them. Pedersen showed me a photo of a T-shirt he found in the airport with a picture of a pig with a cross through it saying "No", and underneath a picture of Pork Luncheon Meat with a big tick next to it saying "Yes".

The popularity of Pork Luncheon Meat doesn't stop in Asia. "One of our export consultants went on a boat trip up the Amazon River, and sometimes there are small piers where you buy gas for your boat," said Ravn.

"You can also buy Coca-Cola, and Tulip Pork Luncheon Meat. Just those three products. Our products are also very popular in shelters, so when hurricane season comes along our sales go up."

But what exactly goes into Pork Luncheon Meat? It's all ground-up eyeballs and testicles right?

"No," said Ravn with a smile. "This is great quality meat. We are not putting eyes and testicles in there – it is high quality, and that is why it is so extremely popular."

"Around the world there is a perception that at Tulip we have world-class standards regarding food safety. We like to call ourselves world champions of food safety. We have every kind of international certification you can get. That means a lot for consumers around the world – being 'Danish' is associated with high quality and safety."

"We buy what are called 'trimmings' from the slaughterhouses – the bits of meat that are cut away by the butchers from the main cuts," explained Pedersen.

"They are perfectly decent bits of meat, they are just too small to be sold on their own as part of the main cut. That is what Pork Luncheon Meat is made of. It includes ham, shoulder, shank, tenderloin, loin, belly and other normal cuts of pork."

The biggest supplier to the factory in Vejle is the Danish Crown Slaughterhouse at Horsens, which I have also photographed.

"In general terms, we get the cuts of meat, mince it, put it in a can, and that's it," added Ravn.

"Everything is traceable, which is important for our customers. You can take a Tulip can in Vietnam, and with the code we can find out everything about what has gone into that can within four hours. Not only the meat, also the spices. Everything is traceable. It is an honest product."

Pork Luncheon Meat has an expiration date five years from the date it was produced. But Pedersen claimed that one member of staff opens cans that are 15 to 20 years old, and still finds the contents edible.

"Perhaps they have a slightly metallic taste, but in terms of food safety it is not a problem," he said. "As long as the can is intact, they can easily go much longer than five years. But some of our retailers would rather we only gave three years life because they think people will perceive it as a better product."

The long life of the product is attributed to a combination of the addition of food-safe preservatives, the vacuum sealing of the tins, and the heating of the meat to a temperature that kills all traces of bacteria.

"We don't have anything to hide," said Ravn. "There is nothing that needs to be swept under the carpet, so why not be open about it?"

"We are not shy or embarrassed about what we do – actually it is the opposite, we are proud of these facilities and our products. We are aware that, here in Denmark, canned meat is not perceived as a delicious, high end product – but it is in other parts of the world. We think it is a really good product."

Most people are happy to devour frankfurters like they are going out of fashion, and yet grimace at the idea of a product like Pork Luncheon Meat

Our idea of industrial scale food production, especially when it comes to meat, is a complicated one. Most people, Danes in particular, are happy to devour frankfurters like they are going out of fashion, and yet grimace at the idea of a product like Pork Luncheon Meat.

What I saw at the factory in Vejle, while perhaps being slightly unappetising due to the sheer scale of the endeavour, was very simple and clean. Pieces of pork go in, get minced up, spices and food safe preservatives are added, it gets put in a tin, sealed and cooked.

The question is, did I taste some?

While shooting still lifes of the tins in my studio, I began to psych myself up. I had been to the slaughterhouse where the pigs are slaughtered and butchered, and I had been to the factory where the meat was turned into this product. I am not squeamish and I had been satisfied, perhaps even impressed, by the safety and cleanliness of the process. So why did I need to psych myself up? It turned out, confit de canard excluded, meat in a can just really isn't that sexy after all.

I called my wife into the studio to give me support and witness the tasting. "What is that smell?" was her first comment. It's true, there was a certain aroma, lingering somewhere between memories of 80s school dinners and dog food.

I explained my mission to her. "Why the hell do you want to do that?" she asked, looking horrified. As I waffled on about sense of adventure and journalistic integrity, I felt my determination slipping. "Why don't you at least cook it?" she asked. "Do you really have to eat it straight from the tin?"

She got me there. With a sense of relief, on went the cling film; into the fridge the Pork Luncheon Meat disappeared.

Behind-the-scenes look inside one of the world's biggest slaughterhouses by Alastair Philip Wiper

The post Where spam is born: Alastair Philip Wiper photographs the Tulip Pork Luncheon Meat factory appeared first on Dezeen.

from ifttt-furniture https://www.dezeen.com/2017/01/15/spam-alastair-philip-wiper-photography-tulip-pork-luncheon-meat-factory-denmark/

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jeniferdlanceau · 8 years ago