#so now!!! we MUTUALLY decided a while ago that she can't be accountable for doing that

[what-even-is-sleep]

AARARRRRRRRHRHGHGHGHSDFGHASDKHFAS;JKGHASJDHFKASK;HJF;KAHSFH;LAL;HAE;LEJAAJE. ARRRRGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHSDKPAGSSADAS. ASIIIJJASJJDJDS ASD SDFASDIFASOOOOOOAE FWE EW FE AFE EFG A DJJJJJJJJJJJDVJDFVJDVIASDIFSIEEJJNNCSDFASDFSDSDF

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for taking part in testing a stranger a few years ago?

Sounds worse than it is but I just want to ask. Long story bear with me. Fake names, all of us were 19-21 when it happened.

I'm in a very close friend group where we all share multiple fandoms, went through all kinds of discourse hell and fandom drama together for years. We're closeknit and we only get closer with time. One of the pillars of this group is Pearl who I deeply admire. Pearl is popular because she has good meta analysis and she's a vocal progressive just like everyone else in the group. All of us are popular to some degree but she's the most eloquent among us.

A few years ago we were hosting a group chat session to discuss a new show, Pearl was the host and she posted the invite for anyone to join. A new account named Ruby who was following some members of our group for a while, joined the chat along with a some other unknown people and a few mutuals. The chat had about 20 people, don't remember the exact number. So it was Pearl, her friends including me, some mutuals, some new people- all from Sauce fandom.

We were really happy to see so many Sauce fans like the new show. We were having fun until Pearl brought up shipwar from Sauce fandom for the sake of a mutual who was out of the loop. It was a mayo/ketchup vs ketchup/mustard drama and we were fans of mayo/ketchup. We were all shitting on the delulu ketchup/mustard shippers when Ruby said she was one of them. Pearl immediately showed her shitty takes from mustard fans, screenshots of anon hate Pearl got and some other things I can't remember. She asked for Ruby's opinion on those.

I admit Pearl was a little bit condescending, but at that time I was too busy agreeing with her and laughing about mustard/ketchup shippers' idiocy. I was giving more examples to support Pearl in case Ruby decided to counter. Ruby on the other hand laughed and said she also thought those anons were obnoxious and said she was only a casual fan. Pearl said she was relieved because these days you can't trust mustard/ketchup shippers to be normal. We went back to the original topic.

That was over, but I kept an eye on Ruby and I remember she unfollowed Pearl after a few days. I brought it up later a couple times when new members of our group became mutuals with Ruby. And one of them was outright making fun of her for being a little simpleton but we grew up and had other things to talk about.

Then I saw Ruby left Sauce fandom for Fruits fandom where she became a little more popular for meta discussions. She's still friends with a couple people from my group who are casual fans of Fruits. She sometimes shows up on my dash for general fiction takes I agree with. All good. But yesterday I saw her talking to her friends about something friendship and virtue signalling related, she said it was weird how many times she's been "tested" by fellow fans including people who she knew for years, and she thought maybe it was because she came off as dumb and oblivious. She implied She never needed to test anyone.

Now I don't know about other times Ruby was tested but I remembered the story from above when I was one of the strangers testing her and I'm wondering if it was a bad thing to do? I can see why she thought it was maybe rude. But it is true that many shippers happen to have dumb takes and I'd rather not waste my time, rival shipper or not. It's not even a big deal.

So Was I the asshole?

PS thank you for reading the full story and sorry I will not say the real names of Sauce fandom or its ships, none of us go there anymore.

What are these acronyms?

[wild-at-mind]

CN- discussion of self harm

I'm getting blanked by the guy I fell out with who runs the LGBTQ meetup group. So that's fun. :( It's probably better than my other worry which is that he would act like nothing is wrong and he didn't do anything, just coming up and talking like nothing happened. I'm actually not sure what I wanted to happen. But definitely not that. I guess the blanking is much better than that but it fucking sucks.

I keep having to explain the whole situation to people because I know how it sounds if you just say 'he sent me a message explicitely blaming me for our mutual friend wanting to self harm after I sent her a critical email'. People of course go right to 'what on earth was in that email?'. Well, it was criticism of the way she ran the LGBTQ group (she was co-runner until fairly recently). It was specifically after she had emailed me to say she had walked back a decision she had already made to ban this fucking transmisogynist woman from the group. We had been going over the same points for weeks, and she (mutual friend who runs the group) just kept defaulting to saying we can't do anything because there's not enough evidence/x didn't report the problem in the exact perfect way. Meanwhile there's an entire whisper network of trans women warning new trans woman members not to meet up with transmisogynist woman, whose MO is to keep the TERF shit quite in the group but arrange to meet trans women from group one on one and 'debate' them. We now have many accounts of this happening. People have now stopped bothering to report because nothing gets fucking done. I would be fucking ASHAMED if that was happening in a group I ran. Mutual friend should have stepped down from running the group a long time ago- she was having a bad time mental health wise and it meant she was taking all criticism of the group extremely personally. I had weeks of trying to do constructive feedback with her and it was horrible every time. I persevered though because now I was really worried we were going to end up with a situation where no one could criticise the group at all in case of upsetting her. And eventually that's what happened of course- my email where I was fucking angry that they had once again decided that TERF woman can stay hit her wrong and she had a mental health episode, during which guy who runs the group had to talk her down from self harming.

Of course I emphathise with this and never want anyone to go through that. I am really sorry she was in such a bad place because of my email and I am glad she is stepping down for her mental health. The problem is with guy who runs the group, who I guess she reached out to while tempted to self harm. Because he apparently is a brand new 40 year old human being who has never dealt with mental health crises in others before (would that we could all be so fortunate), he assumed that if my email triggered our friend really badly, the email itself and therefore me who wrote it must be at fault for our friend's condition. She had been very unwell for months, maybe years, but no it was my fucking fault. In my own mental health struggles I've been triggered by all sorts of things that I recognise were not anybody's fault, and had massive out of proportion reactions to things that should have been fine to say to me. I don't blame anyone else for my shit, and I would hope that no one around me would either.

Being suddenly hit with the news that he considered me to blame for my friend's condition, by PM on a normal night a few weeks ago, really messed with my head. I was so shocked that I admit I grovelled a little to him. He was magnanimous. We talked about the group's future. I had no reason to believe he was angry at me at this point. I was in a bad place myself after this and went on to talk to a lot of people that evening, trying to sense check what had happened. Everyone I spoke thought him telling me that was wrong, and one person read the email that supposedly triggered this and said it was fine.

Then I slept on it, and the next morning I was angry with him. I messaged him and said it was wrong to tell me I was the cause of my friend having to be talked down from self harming, because treating self harm as though there is one direct cause that leads to it happening is damaging and manipulative, especially when the supposed cause is a person's actions. I never heard back, and we haven't spoken since. So that, weirdly, is what I think is the cause of him cutting me out. Because I dared criticise his behaviour. It can't be his perception of my actions towards our friend, because like I said, we were fine when I was still grovelling.

It's weird because while he is autistic, he always made a big thing about how he wanted to improve his social interaction, claiming he often asked people for feedback on how he was doing. I never actually heard him do this though, and we were at a lot of social events together, so I would have known if he had. Arguably it's not other people's responsibility to help him out, but if he had ever asked me I think I would have done so. I guess I saw giving him feedback on this interaction in a similar way. Perhaps naively, I had assumed because he puts it out there that he asks for feedback, he is ok with that feedback being potentially negative, and not wanting it sugar coated as that's not how you improve. But now I'm thinking maybe he considers himself as a finished product these days, who needed help with social interaction when he was younger but not any more. I literally ended up googling 'is it ok to blame someone else for someone self harming' because my head was everywhere with this. If he had done this too maybe he would have realised because every single answer you'll find is 'no it's not ok, don't do it'.

I hadn't seen him since that happened a few weeks ago but we were both at the same community event for the eco stuff round here. He blanked me every time we happened to walk past each other. I ended up crying to a few different people, not because I'm sad to lose his friendship (I am, but am coming to terms with it), but because of what it represents for me and the LGBTQ community here. He runs all the events, and will always be at them. I could barely go to a town event that we both happened to be at without breaking down, so obviously I cannot go to the small meetup events where he will be. During the group feedback talks I had with our mutual friend, I told her many times I wanted to take some of the responsbility from her, that I cared, that I wanted to help as I could see she was struggling...she wouldn't relinquish a single responsibility and rejected every offer of help. Now she's stepped down, the guy has been joined by 3 new people to help run things and none of them are me. I don't want to do this role any more after everything that's happened of course, but I can't help but interpret it all as a rejection of my help, my usefulness, my place in the community. I think that's why I feel so bereft, so shunned. I worked so hard to socialise more and make local LGBTQ friends and connections after years of isolating myself, and I had been really getting there. Now that has all gone. I feel like I have lost something huge. :'(

[baekhvuns]

But the fact I even got my American friend who never watched the ACTUAL football and calls it futbol (I banned the word soccer - meanwhile I call American football - futbol lmao) and got excited. She said the final was entertaining. Right, honestly it's sad to see some top players go or lose their strengths. PSG has great players, it's good to have a mix of young stars and experienced legends, but sometimes the more experienced ones aren't doing too well, so even though it's weird seeing them on the bench sometimes they gotta be sacrificed. Lots of people were unhappy that Madrid was keeping the "old" players instead of introducing new faces, but guys like Benzema were clearly capable and we won CL after all.

I'm also a huge tennis fan, idk if you're into it, but both Roger and Serena retired this year, painful 😭💔

The San overlooking the stadium is really so so pretty. Please Pique stay away 😭 normalise blaming everything on Gerard. I'm a fan of Spain NT and I remember him fucking things up a few times. We RM fans laugh that he 100% has an anti-Madrid Twitter account, cause he always talks shit. He'll have more time to commit to hating on Madrid during his unemployment era. 😊

Btw recently I was like "where the hell is Suarez at" but he's playing at home :o

I'm not that into Ronaldo anymore for multiple reasons, but I used to be a stan kayusuahakshuakavs. Now we gotta fight Baek 🥊

Listen I was betrayed by a few players who decided to go to Barcelona, Fabregas, recently my guy Bellerin (I like him more as a person than a footballer, cause we have mutual friends same with a few other ex-Arsenal players 😭) and speaking of French footballers, Griezmann idk what was he doing in Barcelona, I like him but he consistently plays for my enemies Atletico, Barca 🔫

There was a moment years ago when my fave French club was Olympique Marseille, but that was a short-lived love affair. Idk know why I liked them. Not Karim unfollowing almost all French players?! My man Varane is safe from his wrath though haudhsjdgagajaha

And Wooyoung would be a menace on the field 😭 throw Suarez into the mix for biting

Literally, every guy in a manhwa is based on Hwa can you believe? Now let him be the lead in an adaptation.

I think Jongho is winning the battle, Shownu might be in the military, but he's harmless. It's between Jongho and Seulgi then

Damn Eric get a new producer cause wtfff 🤡

A few Shinestars talked about the Hwa thing, but it's always hard not to sound delulu, though even my non-Hwa biased friend (the one who got wrecked by him during the concert 👀) noticed he doesn't have that many opportunities to showcase his skills. I know he's popular and people love him, he's not mistreated or anything like that, but idk I wish he could do more. Mingi is similar, though he was out for a while, but still. Maybe Hwa's too humble 😭 but my guy, please volunteer more if that's the case

Hey, hey he can do both Lego and Dior or whatever, he has the duality after all! At least we're not fighting over model Hwa, he's still on thin ice for me 😅

I hope LSF goes darker! Btw I've been obsessed with their song No Celestial as well as IVE's My Satisfaction

I don't know whether it's April 2nd or 4th I can't count for shit, but aksuuauahauaajajaaaaaaa!!!

I keep forgetting the cb is next week, it still didn't register, I hope we get another movie-like teaser

Happy holidays! I'm not really celebrating, but I got the best gift please HE'S SO CUTE I'M GONNA KMS the reindeers and the kitty 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Big brain

🦌👀 sexy reindeer

I... won't say a word, but I could say A LOT

Me when none of my gifts were that blonde Ateez guy :/ rigged - DV 💖

hi hello!!

But the fact I even got my American friend who never watched the ACTUAL football and calls it futbol (I banned the word soccer - meanwhile I call American football - futbol lmao) and got excited. She said the final was entertaining. Right, honestly it's sad to see some top players go or lose their strengths. PSG has great players, it's good to have a mix of young stars and experienced legends, but sometimes the more experienced ones aren't doing too well, so even though it's weird seeing them on the bench sometimes they gotta be sacrificed. Lots of people were unhappy that Madrid was keeping the "old" players instead of introducing new faces, but guys like Benzema were clearly capable and we won CL after all.

no bc i literally do not get the american way, i've been taught to say football since the beginning but here, everyone says soccer, i was so confused when i heard it and tried correcting them BUT NOOOO,, and what i call rugby is called football by westerners??? I DONT GET IT,, no its sad to see the once insanely talented players beginning to grow old and worn out their skills 😭😭😭 the new era of players arent as eye catching as the ones before,, yeah! it's sad and weird seeing legends be benched, ronaldo ofc, sometimes they are just benched bc they're "old" but they're still good and its just sad seeing their expression where they wanna play but arent allowed too 😭😭 my entire family was raged when ronaldo got benched JUST BC U SCORED SM GOALS WITHOUT HIM IN ONE GAME DONT MEANT IT WILL CONTINUE 😭😭 tbh imo its good that they kept them bc they;ve polished them into what they are today and the attachment they have w the club it'll be hard to get used to the new ones like pedri and gavi WHEN I HEARD XAVI AND INIESTA SAY THEY WERENT AS GOOD AS GAVI AND PEDRI WHEN THEY JOINED MADE ME WANNA THROW HANDS AT THEM

I'm also a huge tennis fan, idk if you're into it, but both Roger and Serena retired this year, painful 😭💔

im not an avid follower but sometimes matches are usually on so i will watch it! always happens to be someone from an australian team too, but im more of football and cricket (only when its ind vs pak fbjbkk) person

The San overlooking the stadium is really so so pretty. Please Pique stay away 😭 normalise blaming everything on Gerard. I'm a fan of Spain NT and I remember him fucking things up a few times. We RM fans laugh that he 100% has an anti-Madrid Twitter account, cause he always talks shit. He'll have more time to commit to hating on Madrid during his unemployment era. 😊

IT REALLY IS SO SO PRETTY, normalize wanting gerard to wanna retire every month bc it geels nice to see the news again idc he'S A SNAKE !! LMFAOOO I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF HE DOES TBH FHBJBFH he's a full time hater, part-time player,,, i am wondering what will happen between rm and ronaldo and mourinho, bc ronaldo wants to play till 41, and honestly mourinho is the only one who can make him do that in finesse

Btw recently I was like "where the hell is Suarez at" but he's playing at home :o ///// I'm not that into Ronaldo anymore for multiple reasons, but I used to be a stan kayusuahakshuakavs. Now we gotta fight Baek 🥊

YEAAAAAAAAH HE IS, A SHOCKER everytime i see him all i see is his teeth 😭😭😭😭 u think his kids get bullied bc their dad bites ppl 😭😭 i will turn into a ronaldo stan at the next wc, i do want him to hold the trophy now that messi has, it only makes sense for him or neymar (bro is suffering, did insane good at copa but messi fjhbkhb read somewhere that he’s like the king who was never crowned bc he’s mostly forgotten, his stats are ignored so hard it mAKES ME UN POCO LOCO) to hold it next,,,it’ll be amazing to see the top 3 players of our gen to hold them, messi pls let them man 😭😭😭😭😭😭 LMFAOOOO ITS ON SIGHT,, mayne in the near future it’s the 3 messi’s v ronaldo jr that would be insane

Listen I was betrayed by a few players who decided to go to Barcelona, Fabregas, recently my guy Bellerin (I like him more as a person than a footballer, cause we have mutual friends same with a few other ex-Arsenal players 😭) and speaking of French footballers, Griezmann idk what was he doing in Barcelona, I like him but he consistently plays for my enemies Atletico, Barca 🔫

oh???? u know him???? NOW WHO DO U NOT KNOW EVERYTIME IM SURPISED U KNOW SOMEONE FAMOUS WTF IS THIS, DROP ALL THE NAMES U KNOW U CANNOT KEEP DOING THIS,, no what was greizmann doing there 😭😭 it's so random,,, LMFAOOO tbh his presence in the french team makes the team sm better, sometimes i be thinking that he's the captain and not lloris 😭😭 lloris didnt save a single penalty what went on with him 😭😭

There was a moment years ago when my fave French club was Olympique Marseille, but that was a short-lived love affair. Idk know why I liked them. Not Karim unfollowing almost all French players?! My man Varane is safe from his wrath though haudhsjdgagajaha /// And Wooyoung would be a menace on the field 😭 throw Suarez into the mix for biting

SHORT-LIVED LOVE AFFAIR FDHBJFHB LMFAOOO HES IN CAHOOTS W THEM, PROLLY WILL ATTACK DESCHAMPS DBFBDM,,, ik he has beef with greizmann and lloris but its so messy to watch it all go down 😭😭😭😭 STOPPPP I FORGOT HE'D BE SUAREZ TOO PLS THIS GUY WOULD BE A NIGHTMARE FOR TEAMS 😭😭😭😭 A RAMOS, NEYMAR AND SUAREZ MIX GTFOOO

Literally, every guy in a manhwa is based on Hwa can you believe? Now let him be the lead in an adaptation. /// I think Jongho is winning the battle, Shownu might be in the military, but he's harmless. It's between Jongho and Seulgi then

i actually believe it's all shinestars writing these webtoons under a pseudo,,, 1 hour of jongho dying of shyness in front of seulgi when,,, shownu breaking that axe when cutting wood still has me going crazy FORGET JONGHO SEULGI, KAI AND SEULGI

Damn Eric get a new producer cause wtfff 🤡

yeah 😭😭 bc daehyun posted about it too 😭😭😭😭

A few Shinestars talked about the Hwa thing, but it's always hard not to sound delulu, though even my non-Hwa biased friend (the one who got wrecked by him during the concert 👀) noticed he doesn't have that many opportunities to showcase his skills. I know he's popular and people love him, he's not mistreated or anything like that, but idk I wish he could do more. Mingi is similar, though he was out for a while, but still. Maybe Hwa's too humble 😭 but my guy, please volunteer more if that's the case

yeah!! he rly doesn't, i hope he does in the future,, yeah exactly he's not mistreated or anything maybe he's just shy and wants to let his other members shine before he gets the chance BUT HOPEFULLY HWA COLLABS IN 2023 !!! YEAH PLS VOLUNTEER MORE AND MINGI TOO,, sometimes i think the two are the same when it comes to things like this, they took humble and kindness to the next level dbfbf

Hey, hey he can do both Lego and Dior or whatever, he has the duality after all! At least we're not fighting over model Hwa, he's still on thin ice for me 😅 //// I hope LSF goes darker! Btw I've been obsessed with their song No Celestial as well as IVE's My Satisfaction

HE NEED TO DO ANYTHING NOW, FROM BASKIN ROBBIN ADS TO PARIS FASHION WEEKS 😭😭😭😭 imagine one day he's live and he;s in paris for dior but he's doing a lego live in his hotel room 😭😭 GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE!!!! omg no bc no celestial is so so good, their discography so far is >>> impurities is also very good!! haVE NOT HEARD THE IVE ON EYET BUT I WILL

I don't know whether it's April 2nd or 4th I can't count for shit, but aksuuauahauaajajaaaaaaa!!! //// I keep forgetting the cb is next week, it still didn't register, I hope we get another movie-like teaser

ITS IN APRIL AND THATS WHAT MATTERS 😭😭😭😭 HES FINALLY COMING 😭😭😭😭 SHINEE TOUR COMING 😭😭,, wait it's next week??? time flew by so fast the euro tours coming too 😭😭 i hope the mv is movie like too! it looks like they're about to perform pink venom

Happy holidays! I'm not really celebrating, but I got the best gift please HE'S SO CUTE I'M GONNA KMS the reindeers and the kitty 🥺🥺🥺🥺 /// Big brain

happy holidays to u too! HES SO CUTE AAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!! AND THESE,, forget big brain what is this fbkbj

🦌👀 sexy reindeer /// I... won't say a word, but I could say A LOT

NO. THANK U! NO SAY IT SAY IT RN, THIS IS EVIL HWA, THE TALENT OMG 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Me when none of my gifts were that blonde Ateez guy :/ rigged - DV 💖

RIGGED INDEED WHERE IS ATEEZ'S 6'1 BIG BOY AND HIS 5'10 COUNTERPART

what is this 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

a-anon

pls do this dhfhef + also someone needs to date this guy 😭😭😭 do u rmr his talk with eric where he said he keeps the lights on at his home so when he comes back its like someone’s waiting for him 😭😭 eunwoo too 😭😭🤚🏼

[twistedingenue]

I'm at work and not signed in but I'm thinking of moving to AZ and was wondering if you knew if the Tempe office was still looking for people? I've got a BA and I'm partly through an MA program but I don't know if I want to continue my MA and am looking for a decent job while I set up residency in AZ. I can't drive, and thanks to my ADHD I don't think working in a call center would be good for me either. I never thought I'd go into insurance but then I started thinking about it and I'm 1/?

actually intrigued, after reading all your posts. Also what made you go into insurance, and what was it like, at the beginning? 2/2

So first, message me when you are logged in and we can talk Tempe positions. My company in general, is doing a LOT of entry level hiring. They are mostly in call center positions, but not all of the call centers are alike.  And almost none at entry level are outbound or outbound sales.

So a few things I want to unpack:

1. Call Centers and ADHDThese are not mutually exclusive. I started in one, and I have a phone phobia alongside ADHD. The nice thing about my work is that it’s often WEEKS until you take your first call, and you do a lot of shadowing beforehand. I hated my call center position, but I THRIVED in it. I was able to hear better on a headset than anything else, and the work is not routine, each call is different, and that can be a bonus for someone with ADHD. A good call center will give you a foundation of material, ease you into taking calls, and support you when you have problems.2: Tempe office is right by ASU. I do not know specifics of their transit system, but I would imagine you would have some options RE not driving. (man, I wish I didn’t have to drive)

My personal story:

I got into insurance because I was a special ed paraprofessional making 15k a year, my husband was a student, and a 23k Call Center position was worth swallowing my fear (these same positions pay significantly more, now.) I came into this call center in 2008, and promptly the entire company was on a hiring freeze. I went into insurance because it was the best thing around.

I had about 8 weeks of training. I learned product content ,  procedures, and how to navigate our systems and the knowledge system. We role-played scenarios, listened to calls, learned a few strategies for deescalation. When we started to take calls, we were paired with a mentor, who was listening and helping us.

According to my husband, it was pretty similar in his claims call center a year ago.I worked in the call center for a little less than 2 years. Generally, you have an incumbency period that you have to meet before you can move about the company. Generally 12-24 months.

Call centers teach you how to immediately react to crisis, because you are often reporting problems and have to mitigate them as they happen, while systems tries to fix things.

After that, I moved into a claims-support department that determined the replacement value of contents from a loss. The department is now defunct, but this was my real introduction to insurance. Technically, this was still a call center, but with much less volume and not a primary job function.

This is when I googled for a living. This is when I shopped all day, and determined the value of Picasso’s, comic books, and beanie babies, and learned how to help people in the aftermath of their worst nightmares. I LOVED this job. It fascinated me and kept me busy. I learned the claims process, I learned the value of working fast and accurate, and even some accounting procedures.That department mostly closed (very stressful, I will add), and that’s when I snagged a promotion to Fire Underwriter. I started in Homeowners and then learned other product lines, and when the department decided to segment people to specific lines, I got the red-headed stepchildren products and it’s great. I know so much random shit now.

Basically, a lot of underwriting these days is automated. I think something along the lines of 70-80% of all applications are automated, leaving the rest for more manual review. Mine are all manual review, no automation at all. I decided to be a lot more proactive about putting myself out there, took insurance education classes and designations, etc, and it’s meant higher reviews, salary, and responsibility.

I grew to like insurance. I can’t help it, to deal with my ADHD, one of my tricks is to look for the interesting bits of what I am doing so I don’t get bored. And I grew a real love for personal lines. I’m creating a safety net --one of the most profound experiences I had was helping a woman get her TV replacement after a fire. She was under stress, Best Buy was being stupid, and I didn’t give up and got it to her. She got a little bit of normal back and someone that listened to her.

That’s the insurance industry for me, and that’s why I love it. We’re here for the worst moments of someones life.