#so needless to say they regretted their decision HARDCORE

[swagging-back-to]

good for her!!!

finally, some good news.

like why were you talking to 15 year old girl? at 25? should’ve killed yourself long ago. good for her!

(this is the same age gap as me and my rapist when I was 14. I wish that were me.)

[spyderbones]

All the OCs for the OC ask meme! 8D (Well, if you want, that is. xD I just love your charries. ♥)

I finally got around to this!! Whew, it’s been hard work, and I honestly kept forgetting I had to do this, lol… but, thank you!! I love your OCs, too! 8D ♥♥♥

Dawson O'Brian

01. Full name: Dawson Markus O'Brian02. Best friend: His girlfriend, Cora Anderson03. Sexuality: Demisexual04. Favorite color: Green05. Relationship status: Taken ♥06. Ideal mate: His ideal mate would be someone that balances him out perfectly. That can show him how to have fun sometimes, while still being serious when the situation calls for it. That’s supportive of him and encourages him to open up, and to be the best person he can be. Someone that accepts his flaws but inspires him to be a better man… so, in a nutshell, Cora ♥07. Turn-ons: Everything about his girlfriend, lol… but seriously, he’s got a weakness for red hair. And BDSM.08. Favorite food: He’s by no means picky, but if he had to choose a favorite, he’d probably pick some sort of Irish pub food… something hardy but simple, like a shepard’s pie or a lasagna (OH MY GOD HE’S LITERALLY GARFIELD)09. Crushes: Cora Anderson is his one and only ♥10. Favorite music: He doesn’t listen to a lot of music, but when he does, it’s mostly alternative rock, with maybe a bit of country thrown in. An odd combination, but he likes what he likes and he’s unapologetic about it.11. Biggest fear: Losing Cora or becoming anything like his father.12. Biggest fantasy: Literally anything to do with Cora. Seriously, that girl makes for one hell of a sex life~13. Bad habits: He used to be a smoker and sometimes, rarely, he’ll bum a cigarette here and there still. And he still turns to drinking when he’s in a bad mood, a remnant of his teenage years when he was a hardcore alcoholic.14. Biggest regret: Besides some decisions he made in his teenage years- his alcoholism and nearly flunking out of school and getting into fights, that sort of thing- his biggest regret would be a mistake he made early into his friendship with Cora, when he slept with another girl to try to make her jealous. It really hurt Cora, and to this day he wishes he could go back and undo that mistake.15. Best kept secrets: He tends to keep his past a secret, but very rarely does he keep secrets from Cora. In fact, the only secret he’s keeping from her right now is his plan to pop the question, which he’s had worked out for a little while now~16. Last thought: Probably something dirty related to Cora. xD17. Worst romantic experience: He doesn’t have a lot of romantic experience. Cora is his first real relationship, though he’s had a few hook-ups here and there before her. His worst romantic experience would probably be the aforementioned hook-up to make Cora jealous… either that, or the circumstances around which he lost his virginity. It was incredibly awkward, and not at all romantic.18. Biggest insecurity: He’s incredibly afraid of becoming like his father, so any traits he shares with the man- as well as his past in general- are a huge insecurity for him. He can also be a little insecure in his relationship with Cora, because she’s been in a serious relationship before and he sometimes worries that there might be some lingering feelings there, since the relationship didn’t exactly end on her terms.19. Weapon of choice: His fists, though if he had to pick a proper weapon, a greatsword would be the way to go.20. Role Model: Probably some famous architect… I don’t know enough about architecture to pick one by name. xD

Emily Lawry

01. Full name: Emily Julianna Lawry02. Best friend: The girl’s got a lot of friends03. Sexuality: Bisexual04. Favorite color: Red05. Relationship status: Single06. Ideal mate: Someone down to earth to balance out her wild side, and who accepts her for who she is, flaws and weaknesses and all.07. Turn-ons: Confidence, dark hair, crooked grins08. Favorite food: Is wine a food?09. Crushes: None10. Favorite music: Alternative rock11. Biggest fear: Being alone12. Biggest fantasy: She’s not much of a fantasizer… she goes out and gets what she wants13. Bad habits: If you could consider sleeping around a bad habit? She also doesn’t always practice safe sex, oops. She also bites her nails when she’s stressed14. Biggest regret: Losing contact with the only true friend she’s ever had15. Best kept secrets: She got pregnant at fifteen and had an abortion16. Last thought: N/A17. Worst romantic experience: She tends to guard her heart pretty well, but the one time she opened up to someone, he left her after she got pregnant. That wasn’t exactly a great experience for her18. Biggest insecurity: She’s got a bunch of little insecurities, but generally she’s a pretty confident person19. Weapon of choice: A gun20. Role Model: Clarisse from Silence of the Lambs

Steph Harris

01. Full name: Stephen Andrew Harris02. Best friend: He tends to keep to himself03. Sexuality: Gay04. Favorite color: Blue05. Relationship status: Single06. Ideal mate: Someone that understands him and helps to coax him out of his shell, while still being patient with him, since he doesn’t talk07. Turn-ons: Being dominated08. Favorite food: Grilled cheese09. Crushes: None10. Favorite music: Pop music, anything instrumental11. Biggest fear: Something bad happening to the people he cares about12. Biggest fantasy: Settling down with someone that he loves, having a family, the whole white-picket-fence life13. Bad habits: Bites his nails occasionally14. Biggest regret: Not ever getting to know his birth mother15. Best kept secrets: He doesn’t really have any secrets16. Last thought: N/A17. Worst romantic experience: None- he’s totally inexperienced18. Biggest insecurity: His artistic skills; he’s always worried his art isn’t good enough19. Weapon of choice: A pencil20. Role Model: Van Gogh

Kieran Jenkins

01. Full name: Kieran Jenkins02. Best friend: Kit Connolly03. Sexuality: Bisexual04. Favorite color: Dark blue05. Relationship status: Taken06. Ideal mate: Someone who’s patient with him and his flaws, but doesn’t coddle him or treat him like a child. Ideally someone who understands the hardships he’s been through and supports him through them.07. Turn-ons: Being dominated, confidence08. Favorite food: A nice steak09. Crushes: Kit Connolly10. Favorite music: Instrumental music11. Biggest fear: Bad things happening to the people he loves12. Biggest fantasy: He’s pretty tame, honestly13. Bad habits: Drinking when he’s stressed, can sometimes lash out at people who are just trying to help14. Biggest regret: The death of his squad when he was in the army; if he’d gone through the door first, they would have survived15. Best kept secrets: Generally he tries to keep his PTSD/migraines a secret16. Last thought: N/A17. Worst romantic experience: After being discharged, he started seeing a nice girl- nothing too serious, but he liked her well enough. One night, he had a nightmare and, in the haze of it all, attacked her while she was sleeping next to him. Needless to say, that relationship ended quite quickly.18. Biggest insecurity: All his PTSD-related quirks and triggers19. Weapon of choice: A gun20. Role Model: His commander in the military

Maverick Brennan

01. Full name: Maverick Brennan02. Best friend: Lindsay O’Shaughnessey (If I spelled that wrong please correct me, it’s been so long since I had to spell her full name omg)03. Sexuality: Heterosexual04. Favorite color: Brown05. Relationship status: Taken06. Ideal mate: Someone sweet, with a good heart, that balances out the instability he’s known all his life.07. Turn-ons: He’s also pretty vanilla08. Favorite food: Sushi09. Crushes: Lindsay O’Shaughnessey10. Favorite music: Pop/rock11. Biggest fear: Never being good enough12. Biggest fantasy: He’s a tame boi13. Bad habits: He’s a bit reckless, just in general14. Biggest regret: He doesn’t really have any regrets15. Best kept secrets: He doesn’t really have any secrets, either16. Last thought: N/A17. Worst romantic experience: He’s been cheated on before, but he was never  serious enough about her to be heartbroken by it18. Biggest insecurity: His poverty… he’s struggling to get by, and he doesn’t like people knowing it19. Weapon of choice: His tongue- he prefers to talk things out20. Role Model: He doesn’t really have one

Dominic Markovic

01. Full name: Dominic Markovic02. Best friend: Katherine Devereux03. Sexuality: Pansexual04. Favorite color: Black05. Relationship status: Taken06. Ideal mate: Someone with some fire in them, who’s got a passion for what they do- and a passion for him- but that he doesn’t feel the need to keep up with, either. Someone who he’s just as important to as they are to him.07. Turn-ons: Dominating and doing the dominating~08. Favorite food: Again- does wine count as a food? If not, probably blood09. Crushes: Katherine Devereux10. Favorite music: Instrumental piano or violin11. Biggest fear: Losing the people he cares about12. Biggest fantasy: Probably some sort of BDSM fantasy- he’s into that13. Bad habits: He’s got a stick up his ass- does that count?14. Biggest regret: None, really15. Best kept secrets: He doesn’t really do anything that warrants being kept a secret16. Last thought: N/A17. Worst romantic experience: He doesn’t tend to give his heart to just anyone, so he hasn’t had very many “bad” romantic experiences18. Biggest insecurity: He’s not a very insecure person19. Weapon of choice: His fangs/claws- he’s a vampire20. Role Model: No one in particular; he’s his own man

Omg, months later I have finally completed this!! Sorry for the wait- but here, everyone, have this infodump of all my precious OCs. xD

NOTE: Cora, Kit, Lindsay, and Kat are all the creations of @essentiallyzem​ and are also wonderful characters whom I love so very much. 8D

[itshansolo]

11 questions tag game

always post rules

answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

write 11 questions of your own

tag 11 people

I was tagged by @ladytharen thank you!! :)

answered questions, new questions, and tags under the cut! 

if you could go back or forward in time, which would you do and where would you go?

I think the happiest times of my life was my trip to Disneyland when I was 15. I had so much fun and met so many amazing people. So maybe I’d go back to that. But honestly? Time travelling would be so tricky if it actually existed. I’m glad it doesn’t.

And I’d NEVER go forward in time. No, ma’am.

what is your favorite way to spend a random day off?

reading or watching films or TV shows.

did you enjoy school? what was your favorite/least favorite subject?

I enjoyed high school more than college. My favorite subjects were Biology, History and Chemistry. But I honestly liked most of them? There were huge chunks of Math I couldn’t get into (like geometry, probability and combinatorial analysis UGH YIKES), but I liked algebra. I thought Literature was silly, just let me read the books I want in peace without assigning abstract reasons as to why the author described the curtain as blue, like??? I also disliked Physical Geography (the human and political parts of the subject were ok), but I had such an awesome teacher that I somehow learned to like it.

In college, Criminal Law was my passion. Still is. I love it so much. But I don’t think I can handle working on this field.

what is the last movie you really loved?

like REALLY loved? probably Manchester By The Sea. I thought about it for days. But the most recent movie I watched and really liked was Wonder Woman.

do you get more energized being around people or alone?

alone, but I need some interaction with small groups from time to time

what is your favorite season and why?

lol there are no seasons where I live. Just a really hot and dry season (October-April) and a rainy and warm one (May-September). Needless to say I prefer the latter.

how do you take your coffee/tea?

Just coffee, I don’t drink tea. I drink it with sugar, I guess? Lol I don’t know how to answer this question.

do you have a dream career and what is it? are you doing it now?

My dream career is to be a writer (either fictional or non-fictional). But I’m not going to pursue it. I’m studying to become a federal prosecutor and I like it enough.

what is your most petty food opinion?

humm. I’m a very picky eater in general. The food needs to have a nice texture, taste good, smell good and look good lol

do you listen to music at work? what’s the last song you listened to?

I don’t. I was listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack this morning

how would you have changed the ending of your favorite series?

Friends: Nothing. I’m aware of the whole “Rachel shouldn’t have gotten off the plane!!!111!!” discourse, but please shut up. Let me have this one unproblematic show. And get out of here with your Ross hate.

Gilmore Girls: a less rushed reunion for Luke and Lorelai. I ship Rory and Logan hardcore, but Rory made the right decision.

HP: I don’t really care either way to change it, but I just can’t get into Harry and Ginny as a couple. Harry “dying” and then coming back to life was silly, but I understand what J.K was trying to do.

I’ll probably have lots to say once the sequel trilogy of Star Wars is over lolololol

My questions (these suck I’m so sorry):

1) who is the most important person in your life?

2) what is your current job/field and what else would you do if you had to change careers?

3) what advice would you give yourself 10 years ago if you could?

4) what is your biggest regret?

5) what city/country would you live in if you could choose anywhere in the world?

6) what was the most unforgettable moment of your life so far?

7) who would play you in a movie about your life?

8) who is your celebrity crush?

9) describe your closest friend and how you first met

10) what is your guilty pleasure?

11) if you could change one thing about your life right now, what would you change?

I tag (no pressure at all if you guys don’t want to do it): @otterandterrier @theprincessleia @bisexualeiaorgana @thatmissjo @lj-writes @darthdragdrugs @18tpaz @jynandor @merida-straighthair @mlder @brittana-popped-a-hip-once

[automatismoateo]

I’m a 17 yr old closeted atheist that has been forced to go to church my whole life... Here’s my story. via /r/atheism

Submitted May 28, 2018 at 10:17AM by michaelhogue (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2KXHdRR) I’m a 17 yr old closeted atheist that has been forced to go to church my whole life... Here’s my story.

It started when I was 6. I remember going down the road with my dad in our truck. Somehow we got on the topic of god, and I wasn’t quite sure what it was all about, even tho I had been around it since I was born.

So naturally as any kid would do, I asked my dad about it. He said something like, “He’s perfect and holy, and people who don’t believe in him will burn for eternity in a place called hell”

Instantly, this stuck out to me. We got back to the house and I just stood in my room thinking about what he said. No kid wants to burn in hell. So what did I do? I walked out in the living room where my parents were and told them I wanted to be saved by jesus. We went in their room, got on our knees by the bed, and they said a prayer for me.

Afterwards, I was back in my room just sitting there, having no idea what it all meant. I picked up a bible and began reading... this is where my story begins.

5 years later -

It’s the 6th grade now, and a lot has changed in my life since that day that I began to believe. I had studied a lot about the Bible, and could generally answer any question someone asked me about it.

There was the occasional “This doesn’t make any sense, so I’m not going to pay any attention to it.” Actually, that happened a lot.

I kept a journal of all the kids in my school I planned on targeting to share the gospel with. Every day I would talk to them at lunch about how they were going to hell if they didn’t change their ways. I even made a twitter account targeting atheists and I would try to debate them. (Needless to say, I ended up deleted twitter from the frustration.)

Also note that I didn’t just go to church every Sunday morning, but I went (and still go) every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening by the choice of my parents. So constantly having god placed back in my head kept me from thinking too much for myself.

2 years later (8th grade) -

Ah, who doesn’t love middle school? (Sarcasm) It’s a time of discovering new things, and you learn that the world isn’t as innocent as it once seemed. People started using all these cool new words like “fuck,” and I wasn’t having any part of that.

I knew that people in my church said that cussing was a huge sin, and that it would anger god. But, it didn’t take very long for me to start coming up with some loopholes. Instead of saying “What the fuck” like everyone else my age was saying, I’d say “dafuq.” To me, that was surely okay cause I wasn’t actually saying the cuss word in the form of F-U-C-K.

Since I was so heavily forced to be involved in religious activities with the church, I didn’t make making friends much of a priority. That is still a huge regret of mine today. (Remember, I was still a solid believer at the time.) I began to look at every person and my school and judge them based on how much they sinned. This kept me away from most people. Which kept me away from most social events.

I was taught that being with friends and having “worldly fun” would make me fall away from god and cause god to be mad at me. I didn’t want god to be mad at me cause I didn’t want to go to hell. This has affected me even to this day, because I simply have too much anxiety to go to a party or even enjoy myself at prom. I will forever hold a scar of feeling like I don’t belong.

Slowly, things were starting to make me more mad. I was losing friends and tried telling myself that the Bible was the solution. This dug me into a deeper hole and a closer bond with my belief.

1 year later (9th grade) -

High school... a completely new world for me. At this time, the world was still evil to me. It was something I couldn’t be a part of. But, nothing could keep the world from reaching out to me.

Around this time, I started meeting more girls. I had never really made dating a priority, because I feared it would take the place of my love for god. But, I had feelings just like anyone else. I’ll never forget one of the first girls I ever really got close to. She wasn’t from the same school as me, so I didn’t know very much about her.

One day, we were talking on the phone when out of nowhere she said, “... do you believe in god?”

And I obviously I said, “uh, yea of course.”

“Oh... that sucks, cause I don’t” she said.

At that moment my face went white. ‘How do I have feelings for someone that doesn’t believe in god’ I thought to myself. It was awful.

That was the moment the emotional roller coaster began. How could someone so nice and normal be an atheist?? I was told my whole life that atheists were evil people who were mean and nasty and just wanted to attack Christians.

I stopped talking to her after that conversation, but nothing would ever make me forget it and the effect it had on me.

—

It didn’t take long for me to start getting curious. I just couldn’t figure out how someone like her was an atheist.

Scrolling through Instagram one day, I came across an account about atheism. I cringed and said, “let’s see what pathetic trash they have on here.”

I looked through every single post. Every picture. Every meme. Every scientific fact... Every comment on every post from every Christian that was debating the atheists. I simply closed the app. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t want to think about it.

It all made sense. The actual facts I saw on that account were making me think. From every biblical conflict to every scientifically backed fact about the cosmos.

I began to cry, and soon forgot the things I learned after attending a couple of church services, where a motivational preacher would make me scared of hell yet again, and make me want to forget anything scientific.

—

Later in my freshman year, I met another girl. Instead of having feelings for her, I bonded with her as a friend.

It didn’t take long for me to discover that this friend was an atheist. But, instead of pushing her a way, I decided I would be friends with her and hope that I could convert her to Christianity. (Deep down I wanted to know what her life was like as an atheist.)

We took theatre class together, so we ended up spending a lot of time together. I actually never got around to telling her I was a hardcore Christian.

Eventually, I started hearing her talk to people about why she was so against religion and how harmful it was to society. (Of course I just rolled my eyes and tried to avoid listening.) But after a while, I wanted to hear what she was saying.

Another day went by when I was scrolling through Instagram and came across yet another atheist account. This time, I started doing my own research about the posts I was seeing. It was at this moment, I started realizing that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong all along.

** ( If you’ve never been a fully believing Christian in your life, you don’t understand the painful transition from believer to atheist/agnostic. For the first long while, half of you is trembling from the fear of hell, and the other half is embracing a new world of happiness and freedom. It has got to be one of the most mentally traumatizing transitions that a human can go through ) **

And as it turns out, I actually followed that account. A few hours later, I got a text from that friend saying, “hey, are you an atheist?” And when I opened it, I just sat there speechless...

It must’ve been 10 minutes that I just sat there.

“Yea...” I said. I could barely read my own text from how much I was shaking.

“Oh cool! I am too. I just saw your name on the following list of this one atheist account and thought ‘wow! I didn’t know Michael was an atheist’.”

I didn’t know what to think, and I didn’t know what to do. I felt different. I was scared, excited, happy, and sad all at once.

1 year later (10th grade) -

At this point, I was fully considering myself an atheist, but didn’t want anyone to know. The only person that knew was that friend from theatre.

I later explained to her what happened, and told her that I didn’t want people to know, because my family would basically disowned me. (Just like they did with my brother who came out as gay... haven’t seen him in 8 years.)

She respected that and we kept it a secret.

Life was a lot different at this point. Church wasn’t the same now, it was now something to regret and get mad at because I was forced to go 3 days a week. Every time I went, I realized more and more how indoctrinated I had been my whole life.

There was only one thing that kept (and is keeping) me sane in the midst of these constant fallacies that are shoved down my throat... computers.

Computers unlocked a whole new world for me. It was the one place I felt free and happy. At first, I was just always doing my own research on space and other sciences. My interest in physics and cosmology grew greatly. (The fact that it could take billions of years for light from another galaxy to reach earth just absolutely fascinated me, and reassured my decision to abandon my faith.)

My obsession for computers continued. I started learning how they worked and more importantly— how to code.

One day, I decided I was going to create an iPhone app and put it on the AppStore. This would be a cool side project that would fuel my love for computers and technology, while keeping my mind off of the fact that I had not many friends and people to hang out with.

The idea for my first app was simple. I wanted an app that would give users suggestions of movies to watch on Netflix. Sounds simple and innocent, right? Well apparently not.

It took about 8 months, but with a ton of effort and learning, and a $100 Apple developer’s license, I finally released my beloved app on the AppStore for free. I even had ads on the app so I could make a little money on the side.

This all came crashing down one day, however. I remember coming home from church on a Wednesday afternoon. In the truck, my dad began yelling at me. He said that people in the church were concerned about me, so both my parents decided to have a closer look at my app. They discovered the genre of horror movie suggestions. In their church, they believe horror movies or anything involving witches or wizards are evil and sinful (even the Wizards of Waverly Place.)

They both began screaming at me saying how much of a disappointment I am. I told my dad I would delete the app once we got home and he said, “GOOD. You think I care? I don’t feel bad for you at all.” So that’s what I did. As soon as we got home, I ran inside, got on the Apple developed portal, and sent the signal for my app filled with months of sleepless nights and relentless work to be removed from the AppStore, along with all its data. And just like that, I got an email saying it was gone.

I could no longer feel. To care about a project so much then have your parents say they could care less about it and have you delete it, over some horror movies.

I got in my bed and all I could do was cry. I didn’t care anymore, I just wanted to cry. Deleting that app was like killing my own child. (It may seem extreme, but you should’ve seen how happy I was to actually create this app, and the work I put into it.) A little bit later, my parents come into my room and start reading me verses from the Bible about how what I did was wrong. I fell asleep screaming for them to leave me alone as they continued to read.

1 year later (present day) -

By now, I have been through a lot. The app situation was only a sliver of the struggles I’ve encountered. I’ve had many more situations worse than this.

Over these few years, I have learned so much about life. I’ve learned what it’s truly like to be free from religion, even if I still have to live with it.

Here I am today, in church as I was just told “evolution can’t be real, because someone would’ve struck some slime with electricity and created a new creature” and thinking.... how much longer do I have to go through this.

—

So yea, that’s my story. Just know that if you ever feel alone, you’re not alone. I know how it feels to feel trapped in a world that you don’t belong in.

Soon, I will graduate and be free. Until then, I’m only learning more and more about computers every day, the only thing that keeps me sane.