#so needless to say i caught him quite off guard ehehe

[copiawife]

there's something about like. copia just really pushes himself he works so hard to make the band the best it can be and even before that he rose through the ranks of the clergy biting and clawing his way to the top and he's just so desperate to prove himself, that he's worthy of all the adoration and praise lauded by fans, that he's worthy of his position, that he isn't where he is by mere happenstance. he's not someone who's comfortable when he's not working on something. he can come off to people as kind of standoffish at first but it's because he's just always kind of preoccupied with what's next. he just carries a lot of anxiety and stress with him, a lot of self-doubt, i suppose, although generally you wouldn't know because he keeps it to himself.

i'd like to think i could be a calming presence for him. convincing him to take breaks and really try to just focus on the moment. and hey, that's hard for me too, trust me, but we can work on it together! i would want him to feel comfortable talking to me about his anxieties, his hopes, his fears. i just want to comfort him and make sure he knows that i love all of him, not just what he chooses to show the world, not just papa emeritus iv, but copia. i think a lot of his self-assurance comes purely from himself, since everyone around him tends to talk down about him, and so to have someone truly in his corner is a new experience. but of course, he has moments where his self-doubt comes creeping back in, in spite of all he's achieved, all of the respect and adoration he gets from his peers and from fans and from me, sometimes he feels like once again he has to prove to himself that he deserves that, because on a base level he doesn't feel as if he doesn't. sometimes he might think that he doesn't deserve me or i'm too good for him, which seems seems wild to me, because i mean. look at him! but sometimes he does feel that way, that he's taking advantage of me or that i would be happier with someone else, and i reassure him that i don't want to be with anyone but him, anywhere else but with him. and i share some of my own self-doubt, that i feel like he could have anyone he wanted, and the fact that he chooses to be with me of all people is astounding to me. i want to relieve his stress, to make him feel more confident and happy and proud of himself.