#so much of my stress is tied to work and it just consumes everything around me

[yeowvng]

hm

[royallyprincesslilly]

Lewis Hamilton Masterlist

Here is my long-awaited and asked-for masterlist for all my Lewis Hamilton fics thus far. As a warning, there is a HELL OF A LOT here. WOW, and I am sure there will be a hell of a lot more to be added.

Thank you ALL for reading, liking, and reblogging. I appreciate the reception and the love more than you know. ❤️

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Things To Know:

-I'm Lilly you may call me that or Lee.

-There is a psychologically proven link between content interaction and content creation. Simply, the more interaction with something (content) or someone, the more content is produced. {Wink, Wink}

-If you are sensitive to angst or erotica this may be an uncomfortable, high blood pressure-inducing, hedonistic place for you. LOL.

-Pay attention to my warnings section.

-My content is meant for individuals 18 and older. If you are under 18 please DO NOT INTERACT.

-Do NOT reproduce, or translate any of my work on any platform. I do not consent to that. Also, DO NOT steal what I write. That's an a$$hole thing to do.

-YOU are responsible for managing what content you consume. NOT ME. Heed warnings that open the stories.

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Content Meter:

*Mentions of NSFW content. Not explicit or even detailed.

**Half of the work is NSFW and recommended to be read at YOUR discretion. Can be explicit and/or detailed.

***Most of the work is NSFW. Don't read this at work, or around others you might feel embarrassed with them knowing you're freaky. Very detailed, and very explicit.

****Pure Filth. Don't read this anywhere not private unless you can handle the consequences. All the details, no limits on explicit content. This is NOT "wham, bam thank you, ma'am". There is work being put in!

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Oh, one more thing! Did you know, I take commissions? I do! So have something you want just for you? Send a DM and let's talk about it!

One last thing! My writing takes time, care, energy, and an endless well of creativity. It's as fun for me to write it as it is for you to read it. So, if would like to show your monetary support, appreciation, and or like for me and what I create here, check out my Ko-Fi and CashApp links in my bio.

Thank you in advance for the love. ❤️❤️

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Series/Mini-Series

-If This Is Love Mini-Series {COMPLETED}

Lewis Hamilton x Mercedes Owner Daughter Reader

Title: If This Is Love--

Summary: Against your better judgement, you allowed Lewis to woo you. For 10 months he chased you with more determination than a starving wolf. You finally gave in and found happiness and what you thought was love. Thought is the operative word as you stare at the pictures from his week in Antarctica, pictures that show you definitely had been made a fool of.

{1}-If This Is Love, I Don't Want It | {2}-If This Is Love, You Need To Prove It | {3}-If This Is Love, You Need To Mean It | {4}-If This Is Love, You Gotta Ride For Me | {5}-If This Is Love, It’s Forever

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-A Long Time Coming Mini-Series {COMPLETED}

Lewis Hamilton x Best Friend Reader

Title: A Long Time Coming

Summary: After a long, grueling and stressful 2023 season where Lewis dominated and showed the world once again why he was the best at what he does. He walks away with his 8th championship title and plans with his closest and bestest for some much-needed R&R.

{1} | {2}* | {3}***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-What We Did In The Dark Series {ONGOING}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Title: What We Did In The Dark

Summary: Neither of you planned any of it. You’d met by chance, and everything that happened after had to have been predestined. There was no way blazing passion like what was between you was something coincidental.

{1}**** | {2}* | {3} | {4} | {5}....(Coming Soon)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-3P Series {ONGOING}

Lewis Hamilton x Famous Singer Reader x Aaron Pierre

Title: 3P

Summary:“Sharing is caring”, “The more the merrier”, “Love knows no bounds”. There are so many quotes that circulate that can be tied to love and relationships. Two of the many you like happens to be “Two is better than one” and “The more the merrier”. Now it wasn’t like you particularly and purposely went out your way to collect men. That wasn’t the case at all. It’s just that there were two gorgeous faces in the sea of bodies at Coachella that you couldn’t decide which you wanted more. So you decided why choose. That was 4 months ago and now everything was much more complicated than you’d ever intended.

{1} | {2}...(Coming Soon)

{More To Come...}

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One,Two, & Three Shots

-Trauma: Hysteria | Trauma 2: (Coming Soon)

-Wasted Time | Wasted Love | Wasted 3: (Coming Soon)

-Forever Mine***

-She Calls Me Daddy Now***

-Everybody Else Is No. 2***

-You First***

-Message My Heart

-Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You**

-Stake My Claim*

-Plus Baby Makes Three**

-Love Will Remember***

-Thirsty Or Parched**

-Just Do It

-One Night****

-True Peace***

-Book Trap {Social Media Collection}**

-Lil' Love*

-4am Drunk Calls**

-Show Me**

-Ion't Even Need 7 Minutes***

-Taste The Rainbow***

-Forever & Ever & Ever & Ever--But Not Right Now**

-Morning Voice {Headcannon}**

-1, 2, 3 {SongFic}***

-It'll Be Fun They Said {Social Media AU}

-Trick Or Treat {Headcannon}

-Forgive Me, I Am A Sinner {Any Celeb}** | No Saints Here...(Coming Soon)

-Going Once, Going Twice (Coming Soon)

-Once Bitten | Twice Shy | Thrice My Lady... (Coming Soon)

-Distraction... (Coming Soon)

-Unruly.... (Coming Soon)

-Slip Of The Tongue.... (Coming Soon)

-Do That Again.... (Coming Soon)

-R&R.... (Coming Soon)

-You Make Me Want.... (Coming Soon)

-Grown Folks Thangs... (Coming Soon)

-Truth Is.... (Coming Soon)

-Behind The Mask | Behind Closed Doors | Underneath Your Clothes | Behind The Name.... (Coming Soon)

-When It Hits Hard.... (Coming Soon)

-Lil' Princess.... (Coming Soon)

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[part-time-zombie]

Ok I've either reached some sort of analytical epiphany here, or I fully fried my brain and I'm no longer making sense. Either way...

seven sides = seven deadly sins.

Roman = Pride.

Easy enough, he represents the ego and pride in a most literal sense (along with passion and creativity). A wound to his ego creates literal pain, and his reputation/role as a heroic prince means everything to him since his very existence is tied to being the "good" part of imagination.

Remus = Lust.

Another easy one, but I think it's more than just the dirty jokes here. It had been suggested before that since Remus represents all forbidden/unwanted thoughts that c!thomas rejected/repressed because he thought they were bad, there likely may have been a point where he was also his closeted homosexuality in the past.

Virgil = Sloth.

Procrastination is a common practice from Virgil, one he either unintentionally prompts or openly promotes. Anytime something stressful or challenging occurs, Virgil always seems to suggest inactivity and avoidance as the solution, preferring to hide from the issue altogether instead of making any effort into fixing it.

Orange = Wrath (?)

Not much is really known here, but from what we've seen so far it's fair to assume that anger is a driving force if not a direct role for the orange side, though future videos may provide more insight.

Janus = Greed.

Greed is a desire to collect and hoard material wealth/resources, with no intention of sharing or using it. It is innately selfish (and not always in a good way) and the way I feel this translates to Janus is by him wanting c!thomas to prioritize himself above all else, even if it involves letting others down. He wants Thomas to seek out the things he wants in life (like the callback) and to take it without feeling bad about choosing his own happiness. This isn't just for goals/achievements, though, he also wants thomas to save his free time/availability for himself without giving it out carelessly. It's as he said: "it's your time and you do what you want with it". He wants Thomas to remove the blindfold and take what he wants while he still can, before the opportunity is lost again.

Patton = Envy.

This one was a little tough, but I think I made it make sense (at least to me). Patton is Thomas' morality, something instilled in him by observing and imitating those around him. As such, Patton's ideals largely come from him comparing himself and Thomas to others. Sure, Thomas is good, but is he as good as someone else? Can be be better? Can he be perfect, and what counts as perfect to begin with? Patton is constantly looking to outside influences to determine what standards to set, which is why Janus managed to help get through to him when he needed guidance in pof. In a way, Patton is envious of others for them seemingly having gotten it all figured out and being effortlessly good (which is obviously ridiculous, but Patton may have had issues with realizing that).

Logan = Gluttony.

In all seriousness, though, this is about more than just crofters. Gluttony is an obsessive overindulgence of material pleasures and consuming more than is healthy. It differs from greed in that greed focuses on amassing wealth and holding onto it, while gluttony uses up everything it can as quickly as possible. How does that relate to Logan? Well, instead of simply associating this with jam or wine, I like to think he is gluttonous of c!thomas' time. He says he experiences a "titillating, tingling sensation whenever deadlines are met" and regularly tried to direct as much of the focus onto himself and his plans as possible, and becomes frustrated without having surplus time to work. It's not like that time is wasted, though. He does quite the opposite by trying to prioritize all of the time to what he wants, even when it's at a detriment to the others/thomas. He allotted only 0.5% of the day to hopes and dreams, insisting the rest of the day be spent as he pleases. Why? Because being prioritized means he's important and respected, which for him is like the best feeling in the world. And going by how eagerly he devours crofters or chugs wine, it's clear that anything he finds enjoyable will be immediately consumed.

[prolix-yuy]

Hello friends! It's been way way way way WAY too long since we chatted, and to be honest I've been taking an embarrassingly long time to write this update post because godDAMN life just gets you sometimes and you go on an impromptu hiatus that gets super messy. So let's get into what's been going on and what to look forward to!

Pedro Tax for this long-ass post.

(We're gonna get into some personal stuff, but if you're just here for what's coming up skip down to WHAT'S NEXT for the tl;dr version)

So beyond work getting hectic from January to March, which was the catalyst for everything getting wacky, I experienced a weird emotional turn that I wasn't expecting. It made me get a little introspective, which I blame some of my productivity slump on.

As I was finishing up the Bangathon entries, I noticed a sharp decline in interaction. I'm a fairly young fic writer on Tumblr, but I was a little baffled as to why stories I'd posted only a week before got a nice bit of interaction yet the newer ones were only getting half to a quarter of what I expected. For a minute I thought I had been shadowbanned (I was not) or I hadn't tagged the posts (I had) or my taglists weren't working (they were). People were already talking about interaction being lower, so I sat back and tried to go with the flow and not let it bother me. I posted Decoherence, which has a more niche audience, but I was definitely missing and wishing for some of the comments and reblogs I thought I might get.

All this led up to one of the least favorite voices in my head saying something that stuck around:

"Well, you were right not to become a writer if your motivation is this closely tied to feedback."

If you're new here or I haven't talked about it much recently, I initially was planning to be a writer. Went to school for it and everything. While I was there I felt like I hadn't found the stories I wanted to tell yet. My colleagues were developing in their niches and writing "the great American novel" and I didn't feel like I fit in. My stories had a lukewarm reception, and I never felt like anyone was excited about anything I was trying to say. So I wrote myself into burnout by the time I graduated with not much to show for it. I ended up doing a career switch, which I love to this day, but I stopped writing for almost 10 years.

Coming to Tumblr, I felt that spark of excitement writing again, and some of that was definitely due to people commenting and being excited or interested in the stories I was sharing. That truly revived something in me I thought was long gone, and reflecting back on the last two years that I've been sharing stories with this community makes me wildly emotional. I didn't know how much I missed of the life I left behind, and how much joy it brought me to share stories again.

Which is why it was SUPREMELY FRUSTRATING to have that shitty little voice pulverize my productivity and excitement over something as silly as interaction. But I'm sure most of you know how hard it is to get that voice out of your head. I worked to write things I found fun and less stressful than the series I already felt bad for not updating. And while I still love those stories, it felt like I was pulling them from an inauthentic place and finishing them wasn't as satisfying as I'd hoped.

Thus the hiatus! I stopped writing and turned my attentions to consuming and creating in other ways. I watched some shows I'd been meaning to catch up on, started planning to buy a house, worked my butt off at the day job. And I was starting to feel like inspiration was coming back. I didn't want to spook it so I took my time and promised myself I was going to start small and not stress about getting stories out for a bit.

Top that off with some medical surprises, an upcoming surgery, and a little re-evaluation of life moving forward and things have been wild. But I've been missing the daily joy I get from being part of this fandom, and I'm getting back into being here more because I miss you guys! AND! I have stories I want to share and fun to be had. So let's shake off all the heavy shit and get to the fun stuff!

WHAT'S NEXT!

The big thing I'm getting ready to post (after teasing it for so long) is the 2024 Bangathon! This one is different from last year's because instead of requesting stories from me, the Bangathon is open to anyone who wants to participate! There will be a randomizer to play with, and some fun bonuses for those who participate. The announcement will be coming out soon, stay tuned!

As for fics, here are some updates on what's in my WIPs:

Series:

I Think of You: I spent some time rewatching Mando for the newest installment, and I've finally gotten the thread of where to go next thought out. It's been a long time coming so this one's gonna be BEEFY to make up for it.

SW!Frankie: I am crushed to realize it's been over a year since I posted any SW!Frankie! I've got a new story about him and Ms J moving in together I need to finish, then some more asks that are getting into new story arcs I'm excited to share!

Best Laid Plans: Dieter and Murch's first date is bouncing around in my head and I NEED to get it on paper. There's much fun to be had, and I've been binge listening to my playlist for them to get into the headspace.

Midnight Alley: I got all up in my own head about continuing the story with these two and lost a little steam, so I'm going to ease off my "big plans" and start smaller with some oneshots instead. I think it'll help me find out where I want this story to go.

One Shots in Progress:

Decoherence Follow-Up

Incubus!Dieter Ask

You know, laying it out like that makes it feel much more manageable than my brain was telling me! I'm also planning to prioritize more fic reading while I'm getting these updates in ship-shape. Reading your stories always helps get my creative juices flowing, and there are so many good ones lingering in my TBR list that I need to devour.

This has been a rollercoaster of emotions, so thank you for coming on the ride with me. I'm excited to bring more of myself back to Tumblr and have fun with all of you again! To many more stories!

[scullysflannel]

Howdy, hope this finds you well :)

Just dropping in to ask, as someone who’s only up to season 5 of txf, what exactly is it about season 9 that makes it as irredeemable as it is? I plan to go up to season 8 as this show has consumed my life and I’ve done nothing but think about it since I started, but unlike every other season including the revival and second movie, I’m yet to find so much as a good word about season 9 and am morbidly curious as to how they managed to screw the pouch so completely?

Feel free to ignore this one though I appreciate it’s not always fun to talk about the worst of something you adore.

So the thing about season 9 is just that it's not supposed to exist and you can tell. I think there was some pressure from Fox to keep the show going (I tried finding primary sources on this, but googling anything involving "Fox" and "X-Files" and expecting to get info on the studio is a lost cause), even though the season 8 finale was written to work as a series finale, and even though David Duchovny had already made it clear he was not coming back for season 9. The writers' hands were tied in some ways, because they had to work around not having Duchovny after they'd already used up the best excuse for his absence in the books.

But (a) I don't think that's an excuse for the way Mulder's absence in season 9 is handled, which is vague at best and out of character for him and Scully at worst. It's very "out of sight, out of mind" in a way that especially stands out considering how present he feels in season 8. If it's possible to make a version of The X-Files that isn't driven by Mulder (either in his presence or his absence), they didn't find it in season 9.

And (b) the writers also seemed to be writing like their hands were tied when they weren't. The vibe of some of the choices made in season 9, especially when it comes to Scully's story, is very Eric André holding a smoking gun saying "why would Fox do this." It's like, "well we weren't planning on this, but now we have to do it to keep the story going." And the thing is that they actually did not have to do it. There's a bizarre desperation to the way Scully's story is written in season 9. Almost everything they throw at her is traumatic, but also inconsistent and confusing, which makes it all come across as kind of soulless. And it all builds to the most egregious example of "Chris Carter tries to erase the consequences of a story he wrote, thereby creating even more devastating consequences, which he will also ignore" in the history of the show. He didn't have to do that! Scully could have spent a lot of season 9 just being Doggett and Reyes' deadpan pal who does autopsies and it would have been fine.

The thing that "works" "best" about season 9 is that it's theoretically a fresh start, with Doggett and Reyes running the X-Files office: two characters who weren't totally new faces but whose dynamic was mostly unexplored. And to be clear, I think John Doggett rules. The concept of assigning the X-Files to Just a Guy Who's a Very Good Person but Would Rather Be Watching NASCAR is hilarious. I don't think the writers had the same handle on Reyes, but the two of them are interesting together. I will also say I think some of the monster-of-the-week episodes in season 9 (the ones that focus on Doggett and Reyes) are cooler in theory than the motw episodes in season 8.

But it's so rare for those episodes to actually spark. Maybe part of the problem is that, again, the writers made the totally unforced error to focus so much of the mythology on Stressing Scully Out when they could have been deepening Doggett and Reyes' investment in the X-Files outside Scully, which would also liven up their characterization and their dynamic. Season 8 (which has a lot going for it) can skate by on uninteresting motw episodes because Scully's arc in that season is so all-consuming it drives the story forward and makes it meaningful. Season 9 doesn't have that same emotional clarity, so even the motw episodes that have promise feel lacking. (There's also the fact that even if the writers had given Doggett and Reyes better material, they wouldn't be Mulder and Scully. But better material would have helped.)

There's also literally 9/11. I'm this far down on the list of problems with season 9 and I'm just now getting to 9/11. The X-Files gets its edge from its mistrust of the government, but they sanded that down in season 9 because it was so out of step with the mainstream American audience. Until they finally recommitted to critiquing the government in the (original) series finale, the show didn't feel like itself.

It's not even like the problem is the way season 9 ends. The finale is a mixed bag (it's part clip show lol), but I love the final scene, and in most ways it's a more fitting send-off for the show than the final scene of season 8 is. It's just that getting there feels cursed at every step. No one made it out unscathed. There's an episode directed by Michelle MacLaren (her tv directorial debut!) and written by Vince Gilligan, a Breaking Bad partnership for the ages, and even that's bad. Better Call Saul's own Tom Schnauz wrote an episode featuring Aaron Paul and I will never ever watch it again. There's something in the water in season 9. It's just not supposed to be there.

[llonelygoddess]

Ricky’s Yandere Headcanons

After your first meeting, Ricky convinces himself ( and then the others) that you are what is missing from the family. When Ricky first saw you at the bus station he couldn’t move. It was like you were the gravity holding him in place and he accepted it wholeheartedly. After your first meeting, Ricky’s thoughts are consumed by you. I hope they’re okay. Maybe I should have walked them to their stop. What if they need my help!? This is where the rest of the family comes in with their excellent stalking capabilities.

Ricky loves taking care of you. Being a farmhand for Dawn gives Ricky stability that he’s never had before and he loves that he can offer that to you as well. After a few months, it didn’t take much conversation with Dawn to have a new cottage built up the hill from the farm just for you. He’ll tell you a ridiculously low price for rent every month and then secretly cover the rest himself. He just doesn’t want to see you stress, which is why he also loves running baths, cooking, even cleaning up after you. The more useful he can be to you then the more secure he feels in your relationship. His favorite time of day is right after he gets off work because then he gets to see you. Before you start dating, Ricky would invite you down to the main house to watch movies and hangout with the rest of the family. After you start dating Ricky loves to spend his nights in the privacy of your own home cuddled up together. 

The biggest difference in your relationship with him now vs when you were just friends is his ability to voice his thoughts. Ricky never used to ask much of you before you started seeing each other. He was more into actions than words and you saw this when he would wake up earlier than usual to help Dawn cook breakfast for you. Or when he would wordlessly fix your car that was always mysteriously broken when Mateo would use it. He even dropped off groceries at your house on days you were running low but were too lazy or sad to go to the store. 

Ricky definitely has a shrine for you. At first this would look like a small box with pictures that Eddie would capture of you around town along with the bus ticket from the first time you both met. Once you started living on the farm though his shrine would become his room. He wants to dedicate his personal space to you and your comfortability. He has pictures of you both hanging on string lights around the room as well as extra soft pillows, a mini fridge, fidgets and candles. In his closet, tucked in the back, are a small pile of your clothes ( he promises he only took one pair of underwear ever!!) and love letters he wrote with Maeve. 

Believes you deserve a congregation. While most of the family including Dawn wants to keep you to themselves, Ricky doesn’t believe you should be tied down. He sees you as almost holy like and who would he be to keep you to himself? This is why he’s more than okay sharing you with the rest of the family. If it were up to him solely he would recruit the whole town for you and rename it in your honor. Eddie and Dakota have more than once found Ricky chatting you up to a few new neighbors and had to step in. 

Ricky wasn’t a worshipper before he met you. He was more of a protective/stalker yandere especially with his family. His tendencies with his family haven’t changed but with you he’s unlike the others have ever seen him. Ricky has never been a shy man but when you come around his brain turns to mush and he has a slight stutter. There was something about the way you’d speak to him, like you knew everything about him. He feels whole when you have your eyes on him. Before he met you he never made time for something as silly as dating, not when he had a family to take care of. Now though, he’ll spend every waking moment expressing his love and devotion for you.

Hi guys ^.^ I’m planning to do more headcanons for Ricky in the future but I’m super insecure about my writing so if i don’t publish this now I never will lol Hope you guys enjoy!! If you have any questions leave me an ask!!

[moodymeangirl]

also something that is hard about choosing to be more present is feeling everything constantly. lately, we're disassociating/shifting between alters seemingly day to day. some people, esp Merri who was hurt bad this year, are missing from the front a lot more. sometimes i feel her in my control room, hanging out while i front (which is nice i love her). but she's weakened and needs time to heal. it's basically just been me ( @mmgdaisy )and @mmgbump lately. and the occasional jump forward by @mmgemma , @cuntghost , or The Maintainer (who doesn't blog). @mmgnexgenn and @mmgdead r also a lil more close to the front than usual. but @mmgmeredith , @mmgmarcus are way less around. which ik seems like not huge but both of them had been deeply involved on managing the fronting. Merri was, along w me and Bump, one of 3 main fronters. And Marcus (they/he) had previously been around in the control room to help Bump w processing emotions while she fronts, which is crucial because her anxiety is so intense. Maybe I'm so tired bc I'm doing my shift and parts of her shift. I'm also trying to make space for Merri to appear / heal. I think that's why Emma and Maintainer and even CuntGhost have been helping w tasks from the front. Fuck even DeadEmma came forward and helped process some emotions (that's wild bc she's like years dead from grief and heartbreak*.) And like, all this was a result of emotional upheavals, not the recent change away from feeling numb.

The change away from numbness Has increased the brains switching and dissociative states, and destabilised our pattern. We're unable to numb out the feelings from any angle:

The malaise of how the world is and has been, the melancholy of lesbian and otherwise romantic loneliness, the shame and guilt of trying my best to pray on time, the adhd stress of all tasks, the cptsd stress of deliberately entering a growth stage in spite of symptoms worsening, the autistic stress of having black n white thinking so vivid i can't physically see sometimes, the identity stress of feeling like if I just consume better ill be a fixed identity**. And much much more probably.

I didn't know how much feeling we were managing thru suppression and hiding behind the lil dopamine hits on the doomscroll. A lot, it turns out. I'm so, so glad to be deliberately moving away from numbing, defining, and living inside the instagram app. Soooo glad to be actively making efforts to re-install my sleep hygiene coding. Proud that @mmgbump and I recognised we couldn't get to sleep without our phone any more. Glad we happened to leave our phone at Jambo's 11 days ago, and that we embraced those circumstances. That we felt what freedom from the metaverse is actually like and immediately knew we our normal needed to be separated from it.

I'm pround that inside those 10 days, we've suddenly been capable of our best most frequent praying habits, we've eaten more veggies than we have all year, and despite feeling more intense uncertainties, our existential anxiety has disappeared. We r doing the work. We are also doing the existing and we are doing the loving life and people.

It's just that going from a created comfort zone of numbing and suppression into a better world of complete feeling stays hurting. I am constantly scared and emotionally in pain, which is significantly disabling for a brain that is a DID system and also has cptsd, plus other disabling conditions.

**something i do not want. i want system. but as much as it's also a blessing and the joy of all joys - truly my soul sings - like living in this Dunya with any disabiliy, every single difference makes daily life socially and emotionally terrifying.

*and no, idk how she's here if she's dead. maybe cos there's all of us she needs to wait till Allah takes us all ie something to do with soul and brain being tied to the dunya still, maybe she's just an imprint, maybe she's more zombie than ghost idk.

[utilitycaster]

i was thinking about your post about your frustrations with the way fandom talks about romance and True Loves—do you get the sense that there's been a bit too much romanticizing of the "i broke the world for us" line? because i feel like the reason it works is that it is, among other things, an encapsulation of how selfish the briarwoods were, rather than a depiction of a healthy romantic relationship worth preserving or emulating. and i'm sure the players know this, but with the way people have discussed that quote regarding imodna in particular, i'm not...fully sure the fandom does? it's like people want imogen and laudna to wrap their entire lives around each other to the exclusion of everyone and everything else.

like, the reason that line is interesting to me in relationship to percy/vex is that their relationship wound up serving as a narrative foil to sylas and delilah; while percy and vex very explicitly influenced each other not to go down that path, they also had several other people in their lives who mattered to them and impacted their growth. and idk i just get the sense that rather than examining the idea of unhealthy codependence, fandom just wants to see these two characters perennially attached at the hip, and i can't say i find that idea terribly interesting. (as you said, there's a reason the briarwoods were npcs; a dynamic like that among player characters could get very tiresome.)

You know, it's hard to say, but I think so. The thing is, it's a great line, but the context is actually quite important: Delilah says "I broke the world for us" as Sylas is being killed by Keyleth's Sunbeam, after the aborted attempt to summon Vecna. This is the line of someone who thinks she's failed; it can be seen as "I had to do all this, some of which I didn't particularly wish to do, and then I don't even get what I wanted, which was to spend eternity with my hot vampire husband?

In other words, I think a lot of people interpret this as "I would do anything for my love" and I think that's part of it, but there's also a not inconsiderable undercurrent of "I got in WAY too deep in the hopes of saving his life, and now I don't even get more than five fucking stressful years?" I mean, Delilah is not terribly sympathetic, because of the murders and the necromancy, but it is in many ways indicated that Vecna was rather opportunistic into calling out to a powerful necromancer who happened to be vulnerable and desperate. On some level I have to wonder if, perhaps, prior to her deal, the Briarwoods did have friends; and then with Sylas as a vampire and Delilah going harder on the necromancy work, they had to cut ties to hide the secret, or they lost those friends when they were discovered and kicked out of the assembly. We see them at a point where all they have is each other...but that could be the result of what they've had to do to have each other.

Regardless, I hesitate to attribute this to why people are weird about other ships; I think that comes from a lot of places, and honestly I've seen far worse justifications or characterizations of ships. I think some of this being brought up for Imogen and Laudna when the story has not really backed up that kind of devotion is just because Delilah is in the story and so they're reminded of it. But I do think that saying someone would break the world for someone else isn't necessarily a sign that it's a dedicated and all-consuming romantic relationship; merely that it's one with little foresight or sense of proportion.

[timid-orchid]

Captive Part 1/?

Pairing Leon Kennedy x Reader

Summary: Kidnapped and experimented on by Umbrella, the only thing you wanted so desperately was to finally be free.

Warnings: RE typical stuff, zombies, human experiments

Word count: 2,226

Some people wish that they could do something extraordinary before they die, others just wish to lead a normal life. You were the ladder.

The normal mundane things were what you enjoyed about life. You always knew how something would go, and if it went wrong, you knew how to correct it.

But you didn't know how to correct this.

Where to even begin?

You've had a lot of time to think about the choices you've made in the past. Being locked in a cell with no way out grants you ample time to regret the things you've done.

It all started on a normal Friday evening, your friend dragging you to the bar. You had worked long shifts without much of a break, so she wanted to go let loose, bringing you along to ease some stress.

After guzzling drink after drink, your friend ran off to the restroom, and that was the last time you saw her.

You went to look for her, getting lost in the process. It was a new area that you weren't too familiar with, the bar being way out of the way on the back street of some small town.

You searched all over the bar, then decided to search the alley behind the bar, your friend had a bad habit of getting lost just like you, so you thought it wouldn't hurt to check everywhere around the bar.

That was your biggest regret.

Some men had jumped you when you reached the dark end of the alley, shoving a needle into your neck before you could react.

Once you woke up you realized you were locked away in some cell, wondering what the hell happened.

How long ago was that? Four months? Five months?

You didn't know what to make of the place you were in, you thought it was some kind of human trafficking gig. Why else would someone kidnap you?

But you quickly found out the real reason why you were taken away.

It wasn’t long after you woke up that a guard came to take you to a scientist that had been assigned to you. As you followed the guard out, you looked around for your friend in the other cells, sighing in relief when you realized she wasn’t in any of them. You hoped that meant that she made it home safely that night.

You met your assigned scientist—Dr. Barlowe—shortly after. Barlowe was a thorough man, he wanted to explain everything he did before he did it.

“Hello subject 0377, I’m Dr. Barlowe. I’ll be running some blood work before I administer anything into your system.” He had explained.

That was all he needed to say before your fight or flight response kicked in and you bolted for the door, sadly, they knew that that would happen and stationed a guard right outside the door. They tied you to the chair after dragging you back into the lab room.

Barlowe quickly drew your blood, humming in satisfaction at the color of it. He said it looked…healthy, but all blood looked the same to you. He left for a little over an hour to run the tests while you were still tied up.

He came back smiling, saying everything looked to be in great shape, and that you were ready to receive whatever the hell it was that he wanted to shove into you.

“This, my dear 0377, is called the T-Virus.” He explained, pulling out a vial and needle. “It is the combination of an earlier virus and leech DNA.”

He almost moaned out the information, making you shudder in disgust.

“Do you know what mitochondria is?” He inquired.

“The…powerhouse of the cell?”

“Indeed. This virus kills and replaces any mitochondria in infected cells, then combines the cells to produce enough energy for motor and lower brain functions, making most of the body’s systems redundant.”

Your head spun in circles trying to digest all the information at once.

“Although, it does cause severe necrosis of the host, uh, the host being you, of course.”

You gulped, that didn’t sound good.

“It also consumes the hosts’ frontal lobes, making the infected have increased aggression. That will be one of the signs I will look for after injecting you with this.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?”

He placed the vial down on the countertop and dug around the papers for a clipboard.

“Because learning is fun, and don’t you want to know what goes in your body?”

“I guess…”

“Another thing I’ll look for is psychopathic rage and hunger, since your hypothalamus won’t be able to regulate the flood of neurotransmitters, enzymes, or hormones after being injected.”

He found the clipboard, attaching a blank sheet of paper. Then he pulled on gloves and grabbed the vial and a needle.

He hit play on a recorder he had in his breast pocket, saying the date, time, and subject number.

“Administrating one dose of the T-Virus to subject 0377.” He murmured, shoving the needle into your neck.

You felt a pinch when the needle broke skin, but that pinch quickly turned into a burning once the liquid was pushed into your blood stream. Nothing too unbearable though.

“Dose administered, documenting results.”

He threw the needle into a sharp’s basket, then grabbed his clipboard so he could write down everything that happened to you.

“One-minute mark, no visible changes noted.”

He almost sounded disappointed.

“Five-minute mark, no visible changes noted. Subject 0377, how do you feel?”

You couldn’t tell a difference, wondering if all the things he said before were a lie to try and scare you.

“I feel the same as before.”

He hummed, furiously writing on the paper. You weren’t sure what all he would write down since all you were doing was sitting on a chair.

“Ten-minute mark, no visible changes noted.”

“Do you feel angry?” He asked, eyes peering at you from over the clipboard.

“The only anger I feel is from getting kidnapped and injected with a fucking virus, other than that I could frolic in a field of flowers.” You spat.

“Anger noted.”

You rolled your eyes, getting annoyed by everything.

He had you tied to that chair for over an hour, taking notes every five minutes, although there weren’t any changes, none that you could tell, anyways.

After that, a guard escorted you back to your cell, where you waited, bored out of your mind. This happened a few more times, each time you would fight against your guard, losing each time until you finally quit fighting.

Barlowe kept injecting you with the T-Virus, thinking maybe he didn’t use enough the first few times. You had quit fighting against him as well, it was better to save your strength for when you would need it the most.

At first you thought this was all some sort of bad dream, but that thought would be squashed every time you woke up on the cold, hard floor of your cell.

You watched other subjects go to get experimented on, walking the same path you had, except they never came back. You were the only one so far that came back, and the others were weary of you because of it. You’ve seen the looks they gave you as you passed their cells, they didn’t trust you.

They would tell the other subjects to not talk to you, that you were a spy for the facility. That made your whole experience that much worse, having to go through all of this alone on top of the experimentation was just too much.

You would spend all of your days in the corner of your cell where you slept on the floor since they didn’t provide beds to the subjects, but you found it hard to fall asleep anyways.

The sound of a fight breaking out woke you from your nightmare. You yawned, stretching out while on the floor, the months sleeping on the hard surface was starting to take its toll on you, making your back ache often.

You strained your ears, trying to find out what was going on, but between the shouting and physical fighting, you couldn’t make out anything useful.

Fights were a common thing in the cells, a daily occurrence really. Mostly between a subject and guard, but subjects fighting each other was just as common. Either from not trusting each other or because on looked at the other in a manner the first didn’t like.

You pushed yourself to your feet, stretching some more as you peered through your cell door, trying to see what was going on. A guard had one of the new subjects down in a head lock, the subject must’ve tried to escape.

You never tried to escape your cell, the consequence of getting caught was just too great. They would bring the escapee to what they call the “T-Room”, letting the infected eat the escapee as slowly and painfully as possible.

The guards loved the new subjects, they could beat them without getting into trouble, blaming it all on the subject not being cooperative. But if the guard had any reason to send a subject to the T-Room…well, the subject must’ve put up one hell of a fight to escape.

“0377, ya ready to go see Barlowe?”

Glancing over at Thomas, one of the more intense guards, you nodded your head.

Thomas watched the other guard deal with the new subject, shaking his head while having a sadistic grin rest on his face.

“Damn, is that one there givin’ ya such an ass-whoopin’?” He asked the other guard as he chuckled.

“Not today, this one is going to the T-Room. I'm tired of putting up with his bullshit”

You shuddered, the newbie didn’t know what he had coming to him. He should’ve just stayed in his cell like a good captive. He should’ve waited until the perfect opportunity to escape presented itself, just like you did.

“C’mon, 0377. Barlowe was out in the hall dancin’ ‘round sayin’ he got somethin’ new for ya. We don’t wanna keep the good doc waitin’.” Thomas drawled, leading the way down the hall to the stairs.

“Maybe what the doc's got is somethin’ fun, maybe it’d make ya more…lively.” He laughed, going to the fourth floor and opening the door to Barlowe’s office.

“Now ya stay put here, ya know the drill by now, don’t ya?”

You nodded, walking in and sitting in the chair that you’ve been tied to many times before. You didn’t have to wait long before Barlowe practically pranced into the room with a gleaming smile on his face, eyes sparkling with joy.

“0377, do I have a treat for you today.”

He pulled a vial from his pocket, shaking it just a bit to let the particles within mix. “I finally got ahold of the G-Virus. It took me years to convince Umbrella to let me experiment with it, and seeing as you survived the four doses of the T-Virus, I thought you would be the perfect candidate for the experiment.”

“Lucky me.” You grumbled.

After getting out his clipboard and slipping his gloves on, he shoved the needle into the vial, pulling out the virus and shoving it into your neck.

“Administrating one dose of the G-Virus to subject 0377.”

Discarding the needle and gloves, he ran over to his clipboard to take notes.

You didn’t feel a difference with this virus, just like with the first.

He was obviously disappointed by the time he finished his notes and made Thomas escort you back to your cell. You swear he wanted you to get infected and die.

“Did the doc have somethin’ fun for ya?” Thomas questioned as he opened the door to your cell.

“Just another failed virus.” You muttered, heading for your sleeping corner.

“Ya some kinda freak, huh?” He chuckled as he slammed the door shut, “Barlowe must be havin’ a hell o’ time fuckin’ with ya.”

“Unfortunately.”

He finally left you alone. Alone to rot away in a cold, dark cell. You left the cell every other day, only to go get tested on, then it was right back to the cell. Wash, rinse, repeat.

You were sick of it, hoping that one of these times you’d actually turn just so you could get out of this stupid cell forever. Whether it’d be from your death or your undeath, you didn’t care which one.

You just wanted to be free.

“I’ve been trying to mix the T-Virus and G-Virus together, and I think I've finally outdone myself.” Barlowe gloated a few days later, practically shoving the needle in you the second he came into the room.

That experiment ended in the same way as the others: no infection noted, blood drawn right after to see what the virus did to your body on a cellular level, then you were sent back to your cell.

The routine was starting to wear on you, making you antsy, or was it one of the viruses that flowed through your veins? Were the viruses even in you anymore? Or were they like the flu, initial infection then recovery or death?

You weren’t sure on anything of it, the only thing you were sure of was that you were going to escape the facility you were locked in.

You were going to make Umbrella pay for what they’ve done to you.

[deexchanel]

Vacation

Word Count:

Pairing: Avengers x BlackFem!Reader

Warning: Swearing, A tipsy reader, Fluff maybe?

Summary: the avengers finally have a break off from avenging the world. The first place they go for vacation? Maui Hawaii.

A/N: You guys liking my content means a lot💜💜. when writing one-shots why don't people put oufits? i wanna see wtf i be wearing since im y/n!😂 I got some long faux locs in my hairrr sooo ykk i had to put it in here🙂

Y/N stood in the kitchen pouring coconut rum into a drink that she found a recipe for on google. It was called a mermaid cocktail and it looked like something she could get away with, without any of her family members saying something. "I'm so ready to drink this, it looks so good." She mumbled stirring the rum mixture.

She is 23 years old but the team still treats her like a little kid. As of right now, everyone was taking a nap from their huge lunch. All those missions they work was eventually stressing them out so Y/N took it upon herself to plan a vacation for them. She rented out a huge beach house for them. Best idea everr!!

Seeing the smiles on their face made her feel so content with her main priorities being happy. "What are you making?" Loki's voice said from behind her. Y/N gave him a big toothy grin. "Oh, nothingggg!"

"You're up to no good, I know you are." Loki raised an eyebrow at her turquoise-looking drink. "I'm not going to even ask." He sat down at the island, shaking his head. Y/N could feel something was off with him. She put the pitcher in the refrigerator, then sat beside him in the chair.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm thinking Y/N."

"About? We're on vacation Loki, we can think when we're back at the tower doing boring missions." Y/N stared at his jet black hair, having the urge to run her fingers through it.

"No, you can't touch my hair." Loki knew exactly what she was thinking. Y/N pout her bottom lip, squinting her eyes. "That's not what I was going to do. Anyway, what are you thinking about?"

"I feel out of place. I just know they are still mad with me from the events of New York." Loki buries his face in his hands. "I want to go back to Asgard, I know they'll rather want me there than here."

Y/N removed his hands."What makes you think that Loki? If none of wanted you here then I wouldn't have told you about this trip. " She giggled making him let a small smile creep on his face. "You're right where you belong and if anyone isn't happy about you being here then just know that Thor and I are ecstatic to have you here. I'm glad you came, means a lot to me."

"Means a lot to know that you want me here Y/N." Loki's small smile went to a big one. Y/N slowly moved her hand to his hair. He watched her slow movement in amusement "No Y/N." She huff playfully giving up.

"Fine, I'll try another time but I'm happy that I made you smile. You're way easier than Bucky's serious ass. Now that's out the way, it's hot girl summer so no sadness from no oneee!!" Y/N exaggerated getting out of the chair going back over to the refrigerator. She pulled out that now cold pitcher, chugging down the concoction.

"Did I hear Y/N say something about a hot girl summer?" Steve rubbed his eyes while he walked downstairs. Y/N rubbed her mouth from the leftover drink on her lips. Steve furrowed his eyebrows at the now half-empty pitcher. "What's that?"

"Nothing! Don't even stick your nose in it." Y/N put the pitcher back. Steve looked at Loki who just shrugged his shoulders with confusion still written on his face. Y/N placed a rushed kiss on their cheek so they wouldn't smell the amount of alcohol she just consumed. "I'm going to get ready so we can go to the beach. Steve wake everyone up for me please so we can leave in the next 30 minutes."

"Okay Y/N," Steve replied ready to question her but she was already up the stairs. 20 minutes later Y/N had music blasting from the speakers while she ready. From that consumption of alcohol, it kicked in about 10 minutes after she got ready. She was only tipsy, maybe. Y/N couldn't focus because she kept giggling at everything.

"Damn why is everything so funny!" Y/N said getting mad at herself. Her long black faux locs flowed down her back after she struggled to place them in a high ponytail. Meaning she broke 3 hair ties and gave the hell up.

"Y/N we're waiting on you!" Tony yelled up the stairs but Y/N waved him off. She grabbed her purse, pausing the music. Tripping over her feet a bit, she made her way downstairs. Bucky caught a glimpse and instantly spoke up.

"Oh hell no Y/N. Go change."

She waved him off too, purposely ignoring him. "I'm readyyyy". Tony crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with Barnes. Y/N that isn't a swimsuit, that's two pieces of cloths."

Thor smiled, "I like it Y/N and since I like it, we can leave." He picked up a beach chair but everyone yelled no in protest except Natasha. Thor rolled his eyes sitting the chair down. Loki moved her hair aside, closing the white and blue shirt that she wore.

"Now you need a hair thingy to keep it close."Y/N smacked his hand away lightly, going over to the kitchen to find some chips. "Y/N why aren't you saying anything?" Bucky followed still upset about her outfit.

"Her outfit is fine guys. Let's go because you guys are over exaggerating." Natasha placed her shades on her face. "I got your back Y/N!"

"It's not fine, she's showing too much," Steve said being overprotective. Still not phased, Y/N nodded her head from the kitchen. " That's why you my bitch, thank you!" Everyone was shocked by her choice of words. Bucky grabbed her waist.

"Y/N are you drunk?"

Y/N giggled,"A lady never drinks, she sipssss." She dragged out the s, kissing his nose. Bucky pressed his lips together, getting his answer.

"Guys she's drunk!"

Groans went around the room. Steve was in realization,"Ohhh so that was what she was drinking when I came downstairs earlier."

------

"And it's hard to keep my cool

When other bitches tryna get with my dude and

When other chickens tryna get in my coop

'Cause you're a one in a million

There ain't no man like you"

Y/N belt out the lyrics to Streets for the 13th time while Bucky held her in his arms while they were in the ocean. They had been at the beach for 30 minutes, and a biker went by playing that song in her speakers. Y/N haven't let go of the song since.

"Y/N if you sing the same lyrics one more time, I swear I'm going to drop you." Bucky scolded while she gripped his shoulder tighter. Y/N placed her head on his chest, the sun was getting rid of her drunkness. She was tired since she didn't take a nap like everyone else plus Bucky's heartbeat and the sound of the oceans was calming her down. "Sorry! It's stuck in my mind."

Steve, Tony, Loki, and Thor played on the beach with water guns. Natasha laid in the sun, getting a tan. Per Y/N's request, Bucky was in the water holding Y/N close. She was surprised that he even agreed to it.

"Bucky?"

"Yes Y/N?"

"I'm tired."

"I figured, let's get you out the water." Bucky turned around to walk back to the shore. Y/N just snuggled more to his chest. "Bucky?"

Bucky’s voice held slight annoyance, thinking she was playing."What is it Y/N?"

"I'm glad you came on this trip, I know this past year had been so hard on you and I thought this trip would help ease your mind. Plus I got to know you better, that’s a bonus.”

“Yeah at first, I didn’t want to come but I couldn’t turn down seeing you in a bikini.” Bucky laughed making Y/N laugh as well hitting his chest lightly. “Bucky!”

“What? I’m being honest. I just rather for only my eyes to see.”

“You’re such a flirt.”

“You going to have to get used to it. But for real though, this trip made me not think about things that's been haunting my mind. Coming on here was the best idea.”

“I’m glad I could help with that.” She tapped his shoulder for him to stop. He placed Y/N on her feet. “I’ve come up with the best plan though.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, “What’s the plan?”

——

Y/N made herself sink underwater. Bucky waited a couple seconds before putting on his best acting voice. “Guys! Guys! Y/N she’s drowning!” Natasha stood at the shore, looking out at the water in concern. The team wasted no time running in the water.

“What?!?”

“What happened??!?”

“Oh god, Y/N?!”

“Shit!”

Steve was Y/N's victim, he hunched over in her area of the water. Bucky pulled at the ends of his hair keeping the act going. “She was doing alright until I couldn’t hear her anymore.” Y/N lurched up grabbing Steve by the neck, pulling him in the water.

Bucky's face of distress turned into humor. “Steve she got you good!” Both Y/N and Steve appeared out of the water. Y/N was laughing so hard she was clutching her stomach. Loki found it amusing while Tony, Steve, and Thor didn’t.

“That was a good one Y/N.”

“Don’t listen to Loki Y/N. You had us worried!”Thor huffed and Steve nodded his head in agreement.

“Yeah! I thought something really happened to you.”

“I’m sorry guys.” Y/N snorted trying to contain her laughter. “It’s not my fault, it’s Bucky. He came up with the idea. You guys should’ve seen Steve’s face when I came out of the water.”

Steve mocked her laugh, “Ha Ha Ha. It’s not funny.” Bucky held his hand in defense trying not to laugh as well. “It’s not mine! This was all her idea.”

“Capsicle is right, it’s not funny. Don’t scare me like that again.” Tony scolded her, he held out his arms. “Now come give me a hug so I can feel better.” Y/N gave him a hug, that humorous smile not leaving her face. When she tried to pull away, Tony held a grip. She realized.

“TONY!”

He laughed leaning forward and they both fell in the water. Soon it turned into a big splashing war between everyone, they were having so much fun.

————————-

At 7:28 p.m. both Y/N and Bucky walked back to the beach for dinner. The restaurant they chose for tonight’s dinner was there. Since Y/N is over the planning for the vacation and Bucky is attached to her hip, they were at dinner first.

“I know the wait is going to be minute so sit down while I talk to the hostess.” She reassured him. Bucky looked at her kind of worried because he wasn’t comfortable with crowds yet. She squeezed his hand, “You’re okay.”

Bucky nodded his head reluctantly. Y/N walked off to make sure this restaurant gave them a private table away from the crowd, preferably on the beach. After about 10 minutes of talking, something just told her to turn around. It was some woman that looked around Y/N’s age steadily talking to Bucky even though he looked so uncomfortable.

“Hold on one sec.” Y/N held a finger-walking away, not even waiting on the hostess's response. Y/N quiet appearance kinda scared them both. “Excuse me. Hi!”

The woman looked at Y/N with attitude. “Um, why are you speaking to me?”

Y/N took a deep breath to calm down. “ I’m speaking to you because you’re talking to my boyfriend and you obviously see him uncomfortable.” It was for the sake of the moment. Bucky and Y/N aren’t together, just a few flirts here and there. But since Y/N knew this bitch couldn’t take a hint she said, boyfriend.

“You might have him confused for”

Y/N cut her off, “No I don’t have him confused for no one. That’s my boyfriend so get your desperate ass out of his face before I embarrass you in front of everyone. We don’t want that do we? Now walk away miss.”

The woman turned her nose up walking away without saying another word. Once she was out of sight, Bucky visibly relaxed. “Thank you so much Y/N. She wouldn’t stop talking and my a-anxiety was getting bad because I didn’t know her and...” He shook his leg. Y/N sat beside him giving him a hug.

“Hey hey calm down, it’s okay now. I could see she made you uncomfortable. I wasn’t going to stand there and let her continue to do that.”

“Thank you Y/N.”

“Anything for you Bucky.” Y/N kissed his forehead then she stood up, holding out her hand. “Now let’s go get this table because I did cut the hostess off coming to help you.”

Bucky laughed grabbing her hand. As they walked back over to the stand, realization hit Bucky. He smirked.

“So I’m your boyfriend now?”

Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, “No Bucky, it was in the heat of the moment.”

“What if I was to ask you out?”

“In your dreams Bucky.”

————

This took longer to write then what it supposed to be.

Hope you guys like it 🥰, I was trying to include a Loki moment because I’m starting to like him more.

Stay slutty my friendsss!

[smileyoongle]

Falling for a lounge singer (Yandere!Mafia! BTS)// Kim Taehyung

Requested anonymously.

Summary: Working as a part time singer, you never thought you'd find yourself becoming the centre of attention of a man's life, especially one who you can't run from.

Word Count: 2.5K

The city was laid out brightly before you, cool wind making your hair stick to your glossy lips as you rested your elbows on the railing of the rooftop. Working for hours amidst people who were rich and liked to show off was stressful, especially when you knew you didn't fit in between them. If it wasn't for your voice, no one would even give you a second glance but there you were, attracting loud applauds every time you held the mic. It made you feel almost cocky but your conscience didn't allow it, reminding you of your place in this world time and time again.

With a soft sigh, you stared at the pretty sky, the stars scattered across it twinkling to grab your attention yet failing to do so. Because even though you loved the peace and quiet, your mind was restlessly loud tonight. Loud with thoughts about a man you had seen too many times, but never had the pleasure of meeting. A man who had sent you a single white freesia every night before disappearing without a word.

But tonight was different. Because he wasn't here. In fact, he hadn't been here for the last three days and if you were being honest, you missed him.

You missed his dark eyes that gazed at you with so much fervour that it made you dizzy. You missed how his attention made you feel like it was just the two of you in the room. You missed how he was so mysterious that you had convinced yourself to approach him. Yet, he managed to really slip away this time.

Glancing at the dried freesia in your hand, you traced it's dead petals, barely hanging on as the rest of it began to fall apart. This was the last one you had found near your vanity, not having seen another since he disappeared.

"Where did you go?" You mumbled, twirling the stem between your fingers, being as gentle as you could. There was no way for you to know if you'd ever see him again because every time you asked the staff about him, they just brushed you off by saying how some things were better left unknown. It made you wonder what was so bad about him that no one was willing to say a word.

"I'm right here, petal."

A deep voice stated from behind you, your heels quickly making you turn around to see who it was but the darkness and the distance between you two made it hard for you to tell. You frowned, watching the man's silhouette move closer to you, your fingers tightly holding onto your flower. And as soon as your eyes took in his face, your lips fell apart in a silent gasp.

There he was, looking at you with the same passion that his eyes held every time you saw him. You could feel your heart lose its rhythm, pounding erratically in your chest making you almost breathless. He was a lot more beautiful up close, your mind not having prepared you for seeing him here at all. Upon seeing you so speechless, he let out a low chuckle, one of his hands curled behind his back as his fitted black shirt hugged his biceps perfectly.

"Is this my punishment for having left you alone? You refuse to talk to me?" He asked, tilting his head to study your expression better. You remained silent, still processing the fact that the man you were so desperately looking for, was now standing so close to you. A part of you wanted to tell him that you could never be mad at him when he looked like an angel but your tongue stayed tied.

He hummed at your silence, taking another step towards, his eyes glancing at the dead flower that stayed intact between your fingers. Slowly, you felt his hand hold your wrist, a shiver running down your spine at his touch. Bringing it up, he took away the flower, throwing it somewhere to the side only to present another freesia before you, this one a striking red that made your heart skip a beat. You held onto its stalk as your mystery man placed it between your fingers, your cheeks growing warm at the way his eyes stayed fixated on your face.

“Red?” You asked, returning his gaze with an equally feverish one, his lips morphing into a smile upon hearing your voice.

“And she speaks.” He laughed lowly, his deep melody echoing in the silence of the night. Taking yet another step towards you, he placed his hands on the railing behind you, trapping you in close proximity. Your back rested firmly against the bars, your chest almost touching his.

“Yes, petal. Red. Do you know what it means?” He murmured, only loud enough for you to hear. Lost in his eyes, you didn’t notice the hand that was now tucking your hair behind your ear, your lips being the sole focus of the man’s attention. Resting his palm against your cheek, you found yourself leaning into his warmth, sighing at the butterflies you felt in your stomach.

“No,” you answered, closing your eyes when you saw him lean down until his lips grazed the shell of your ear. His long fingers brushed your hair away from your neck, your own hand clutching the flower tightly to calm your heart that was about to jump out of your chest.

“It symbolizes passion,” he whispered, his hands moving down to hold your waist and pull you flush against him. Speechless, you rested your hands on his chest, biting your lip as your forehead fell against his shoulder.

“Who are you?” You inquired, finally asking the question that had been gnawing at you ever since you saw him. A dead silence fell over the both of you all of a sudden, a frown etching onto your forehead as you were made to pull away from him a little. You found yourself missing his embrace, feeling as though you had known him for a long long time.

“You don’t know me,” he said, more like telling himself again rather than asking you. Gently shaking your head, you placed your gaze on his chest, a peek of white bandages catching your eye from beneath the few buttons that were left open at the top of his shirt. Without a thought, you moved it a little to the side, your eyes widening at the small red patch that stained the centre of the dressing, your lips parting in shock at the realisation that it was, indeed, blood.

“What happened?” You asked, worry and concern lacing your voice. He pursed his lips, his jaw clenching ever so lightly along with his hold on your waist which grew tighter. Wincing in pain, you looked at him in confusion, wondering if you had said something to upset him. And before you could ask him, he said something that perished all the warm feelings that had been brewing in your chest lately.

“My name is Kim Taehyung, Y/N. And I’ll be really mad if you decide to run away now.”

With eyes as wide as they could be, you stood frozen in his arms, your heart thudding loudly in your chest. Fear consumed your entire being, your throat running dry at the very thought of being here with Kim Taehyung, the man who was responsible for the rise of one of the biggest cartels in the world. His hands were stained with the blood of god knows how many people, the wound on his chest suddenly making a lot of sense. Losing your grip on his shirt, you let your arms fall to your sides, unmoving and unable to process the situation anymore.

Suddenly, you were aware of his burning touch all over you, your mind screaming at you to get away from him. Yet you didn’t make a move, because you knew very well that you were almost nothing in front of a trained killer who could snap your neck in the blink of an eye. Parting your lips, you willed yourself to scream as loud as you could, failing yet again with his icy glare staring you down.

Gone were all the emotions you had witnessed in his eyes a few minutes ago, making you feel as if this was a whole new man that you had never met before. A tear ran down your cheek, your brain slowly hitting you with the mixed amount of emotions that were driving you insane. You were hurt, scared, disappointed in yourself and a lot more you couldn’t yet place a finger on.

“Y/N,” his voice brought you back to him, wary of the hand that was now wiping away your tears. Eyeing him cautiously, you tried to think fast, escaping him being the only agenda on your mind right now.

Taehyung knew what you were thinking, it didn't take a genius to know that all you wanted was to run away from him before things became a mess. But it was too late now, your innocence having left Taehyung mesmerized a long time ago. And now that you were so close to him, he was ready to do anything to make you stay.

"I don't wanna die," you said, your voice wavering with the dying confidence that burnt in you like a flickering flame. Being in his arms felt good, but knowing that those hands could also push you off the roof without anyone finding out was a thought that overcame everything else.

"And you won't, petal. Just because I'm a dangerous man, doesn't mean I would lay a finger on you," he answered, quickly catching onto the fact that you thought of him as a killer. It hurt him to know that you so easily forgot every other feeling you had been sheltering all this time, his identity crumbling down to nothing in your mind. But he would fix it.

He would fix you.

His words were enough to let you know that he wasn't planning on letting you leave, convincing you seemingly the only thing on his mind. At this point, violence seemed your only answer, your eyes once more taking in the sight of the bandaging on his chest.

"I'm sorry," you apologized beforehand, inhaling nervously at his confused expression before digging your nails into his chest. A growl left his mouth immediately, his hands letting go of your waist as you pushed him to the side with all your strength and bolted towards the door.

Taehyung fell to the floor behind you, his hand covering his shirt right where the wound was, the wetness of the blood seeping through his bandages. He hissed in pain, closing his eyes as he rested his head against the wall. The sound of your cries felt like music to his ears, your small fists banging on the door which had been locked the second Taehyung stepped onto the rooftop. It was funny of you to think that you could overpower Kim Taehyung so easily, your obliviousness once again showing through your stupid attempt to escape him.

Tears ran down your cheeks upon the realisation that you were stuck here with him, your heart pounding in your chest just like your hands against the door. You were a fool to think Taehyung wasn't fully prepared. Of course he had expected this from you. Of course he was one step ahead of you.

"Please, someone open the door!" You begged, sobbing with your forehead against the cold metal, slowly sinking to your knees. Just then, you heard his laugh, deeply resonating around you as you frowned in silence. It was endless, not the kind of laughter you'd hear after a joke but the kind you'd hear only with the intention of being mocked. He was laughing at you and your silly attempt of running away from him, knowing very well that Kim Taehyung did not let go of things that he so desperately craved. You being one of them.

"Did you think it was that easy, Y/N?" He asked, his voice dripping with amusement. Turning around to face him, you stared at him with teary eyes, watching his painful state with a heart full of regret. You weren't one to hurt people at all, let alone intentionally and yet you had taken such a drastic leap tonight. To save yourself. That was truly justified, wasn't it?

"Petal, even if you had managed to leave this place, I'll have you know that I'll always find you." He grinned maliciously, making you truly scared of him. Gritting his teeth, he stood up, your back pressing against the door as he slowly proceeded to stalk towards you, his gaze pinning you down and rendering you unable to move. You felt like a prey before him, his angry eyes telling you just how much you had pissed him off.

"I just wanna go home," you stated, frowning at him with wet cheeks and quivering lips. Halting right before you, Taehyung kneeled down, his hand coming to rest against your cheek.

"And we'll go, Y/N. We'll go to our home," he mumbled almost lovingly, his eyes glistening with so much affection that if you didn't know any better, you'd think he loved you. The truth of the situation though, was that Kim Taehyung was obsessed with you and there was no way you were going to let him take you.

"N-no, I wanna go to my home," you dared, Taehyung's jaw clenching upon hearing your words. Within a second, his fingers dug into both your cheeks, your lips pouting at the force with which he was holding your jaw in place. Leaning closer to you, Taehyung's nose brushed against yours, your own hand taking hold of his wrist to make him let go.

"What a shame it'd be to know that your little sister had to die because you couldn't make the right decisions."

Eyes widening, you let out a whimper at his threat, your breath having been knocked out for a second. It was as if the world had stopped around you, your heart wishing that this was all just a bad dream. The thought of anything happening to your sister was enough to break your will, especially since you were the only one she had. If she were to get hurt because of the one person who was supposed to protect her, then you couldn't even begin to imagine how meaningless your own life would become.

Taehyung loosened his grip on your jaw, watching you cry harder because of what he had said. It hurt him to know that you were crying because of him but he had to say it. Sure, you were hurt right now, maybe you even hated him but he knew that once you became his, you'd never have to see a bad day in your life. He would love you so hard that you'd never think about anyone else ever again. It was going to be just you and him. Forever.

"I'll do whatever you want, just don't hurt her." You cried, sealing your fate with the devil with no chance of going back. Smiling fondly at you, Taehyung wiped your tears, the stench of blood hitting your nose only for you to see his crimson tainted hand grazing your cheek.

"I'll take very good care of you, petal. Don't you worry your little head," he cooed, your eyes staring at him with horror. You could feel the blood now staining your cheek, Taehyung's eyes adoring it with a hint of madness. His blood on your skin was like his name on a trophy, a sign of who it belonged to. And it gave Taehyung an immense amount of pleasure to see your innocence tainted with his filthy gore. The colour red was yours and Taehyung couldn't wait to paint you in it.

"We'll be drowning in love soon, just wait and watch."

A/N: Hiiii, see I am back again! I don't have much to say today cause I am really sad for some reason. You know, the kind of sad that makes you wanna just sit and cry all night? Yeah, it's THAT!

Anywayyyy! I'll probably be posting each member in a break of 4-5 days because I want each member to get their fill. Soooo, the next one comes in a while! Till then, have fun, guys. Ily<3

[farfromharry]

Mini Valentine | Stepdad!Tom fic

Summary: Your valentine’s plans with your fiancé get slightly set back when you get called in to work, leaving Tom to spend the day with your daughter.

Word count - 4,017

Warnings - One brief mention of throwing up, i think that’s it?

Unfortunately for you and Tom, you’d been called into work on the morning of the 14th, based on ‘emergency’. It was all very last minute and caused a lot of stress for your fiancé, even if he tried to promise you that it wasn’t a big deal and he could sort something, but anyone would be stressed while finding out their plans for the day had been spontaneously ruined that same morning without warning.

You originally had plans to go on a family trip to the zoo during the day, wanting to show Scarlett all the adorable animals that she’s never had the pleasure of seeing in person. Then you were meant to be heading to a romantic dinner with Tom at the same fancy restaurant he took you to, to propose. All while his mum watched Scarlett for you so you both got some well deserved time together.

“I’ll just shift the reservation, it’s okay,” he promised you, kissing your shoulder as you tied back your hair to keep it out of your face.

“You’re an angel,” you whispered, making sure to press a lasting kiss to his lips. You could tell he was exhausted, and you didn’t blame him, it was barely even four in the morning and you were already up and ready to leave the house.

You couldn’t leave without making a hundred percent sure he was okay with you heading in, moving over to where he’d tucked himself under the covers again, trying to shield his bare upper half from the cold morning air.

He’d planned on getting some more sleep before your munchkin woke up and decided she needed her stepdad to feed her instantly, something she did often.

“I still feel bad, ‘m sorry.” He shook his head, cupping your cheek with his large hand.

“You have nothing to worry about,” he chuckled, finding some amusement in the idea of you feeling so guilty about something you couldn’t control, especially when the issue was so easily resolved.

You rested your head on his bare chest for a few seconds, just until you really had to leave so you wouldn’t be late.

“I’ll take Scarlett out somewhere, still got to win her over.” You rolled your eyes at his words, pecking his lips one more time before standing up.

“You know she loves you already,” you mumbled, referring to all the moments the two had shared over the few years you and Tom had been together.

“No, she loves my cooking.”

You scrunched up your nose, feigning disgust. “I don’t know why.” Tom scoffed, his heart fluttering when you let out that silly giggle that he adored.

“Y/N?” he called. You hummed. “Happy valentine’s day.”

You placed one more kiss on his lips, taking your time to study his face as you pulled away. “Happy valentine’s day Tom.” You waved goodbye without letting him say anything else, not wanting anymore distractions that could risk making you late, closing your bedroom door behind you.

“Mummy?” You turned your head at the sound of your angel’s sleepy voice, seeing her standing in her bedroom door. She looked like the cutest little thing, hair all messed up from the way she’d slept, in her Disney pyjamas, rubbing her tired eyes with her first while her teddy bear was squeezed as close as possible to her chest.

“What’s wrong bub? You should be asleep.” She waddled over to you, wrapping her arms tightly around your legs. Your fingers threaded in her hair, trying to tame the flyaway strands, tucking them back into her scrunchie loosely.

“I heard you awake,” she mumbled, almost falling asleep in the position she was in. You pouted, leaning down to kiss her head.

“Mummy has to go to work,” you said, seeing the frown forming on her face. “I’ll be back later, but that means we can’t go to the zoo.”

If she had the energy she probably would’ve thrown a tantrum right then and there, but taking into account the utter exhaustion consuming her tiny body, meant she didn’t have the effort to argue. All she could do was flash you her typical pout and puppy dog eyes, but even those weren’t enough to win you over this time.

“Why don’t you go get in with Tom for a bit, get some cuddles?” You were always trying to encourage her to do more with Tom, praying that she would get along with him well enough to accept him. She did at least like his cooking, so that was a start.

She hummed, placing a sloppy toddler kiss on your cheek before shuffling down the hall to your room. You chuckled to yourself, grabbing your keys, jacket and any other necessity, leaving your daughter and fiancé to spend the day together.

Tom couldn’t fall asleep until he knew you were on your way, his subconscious telling him that he couldn’t let you be late by getting distracted with something in the house.

That meant that Tom felt the tiny body that was crawling onto the large bed, climbing under the covers on your empty side.

“Hi,” she whispered, laying her head on your pillow. The man laughed silently, noting how much she was like you with her mannerisms. He asked if she was okay, checking she wasn’t in here because of a nightmare.

“Mummy said I could come get cuddles.” The girl often liked Tom more when she didn’t have the energy to be mean, so at times like this she was often very affectionate towards him.

“Of course, c’mere.” She shuffled closer to him, curling her body into his chest while her head rested on his shoulder. Tom pressed a light kiss to her temple, soothingly rubbing her back until her breathing evened out and he was sure she was asleep.

He wasn’t too far behind her, letting his own wave of exhaustion crash over him until he was back into the deep slumber he’d been in before it was interrupted by your phone ringing.

»»——⍟——««

Tom and Scarlett ended up getting out of bed around 10. He’d sent the girl to the bathroom to do her business and brush her teeth while he made her breakfast, going over some ideas of what they could do for the day in his head.

“How do you feel about going to the aquarium today?” he asked, slipping a pancake onto her plate, letting her decorate it however she wanted. Her eyes widened and she rapidly nodded her head. Tom chuckled, preparing some breakfast for himself, taking a seat next to the girl at the kitchen island.

“Can we see the penguins?” she asked, filling the silence with the innocent question. She let out a squeal when Tom nodded, thanking him with the same amount of energy.

She finished her breakfast quickly, bouncing in her seat as she waited for Tom to tell her she could leave. “Go get dressed, we’ll go in a little while.” She didn’t have to be told twice, jumping down from the seat to run to her room.

Tom left to get dressed a few minutes after her, changing into some jeans, a plain white hoodie and a coat on top.

He waited by the front door for more than a few minutes, confused about what was taking the little girl so long.

Tom didn’t want to impose, he knew she was capable of getting ready herself, but he also didn’t know if something else had possibly gone wrong.

He headed to her room, knocking on the door before pushing it open. “Hey bug, what’s taking so long, you okay?” He could see the tears on her cheeks as she sat in front of the mirror, a hairbrush and a hair tie to her right. “What are the tears for?” He asked softly, bending down beside her to wipe them away.

“I can’t do my hair.” She sniffled, looking up at the man with those big eyes that looked exactly like yours. He was such a sucker for those eyes. “Do you want me to try?”

She nodded, handing him the stuff he needed. He brushed through the strands of her hair as carefully as he could, making sure to avoid brushing any tangles harshly, and apologising if he caught any anyway.

“Ponytail?” he asked. She nodded in confirmation. Tom wasn’t exactly a pro when it came to hair, he’d grown up with 3 brothers, so he didn’t really have anything to do with long hair until he spent those nights when you were drunk. He would always carelessly throw your hair into a bun or ponytail to keep it out of your face when you threw up, receiving a mumbled thank you from yourself.

You’d helped him learn the basics a while ago, teaching him how to do a simple braid and how to do a quick ponytail, but that was all he knew. He was never sure if his versions of the hairstyles would be up to Scarlett’s standards.

He pulled all the strands in, making sure there were no loose ones before wrapping the hair tie around them all, keeping them in place at the back of her head.

“Is that okay?” he asked. She nodded, standing up from her spot. Tom raked his eyes over her outfit, making sure socks were matching and everything was on right before guiding her to the entrance of the house.

She took a seat next to him on the stairs, swinging her legs while she waited for him to pass her, her shoes. She easily slipped them onto her feet, right then left, just like you always did when you were here.

“You think you can tie them yourself?” he asked. She nodded her head, grabbing a hold of the two pieces of white string on her left shoe.

“I’m a big girl,” she argued. Tom raised his hands in defense, muttering an okay.

Her big girl mindset didn’t last for long when she realised she in fact didn’t know how to tie her shoes. Tom tried to hide his smile, knowing this was going to happen.

“Tom?” She asked. He hummed, looking up from where he’d been putting on his shoes. She pointed down to the little converse that were on her feet, the laces messy and undone. “Can you do them, please?”

He tried his best to show her how to do it, but the girl got easily distracted, rambling on about all the different fishies she was going to see. He couldn’t be annoyed, finding it completely adorable how she babbled on.

“Alright, up?” He didn’t want to pick her up if she’d rather walk, not wanting to risk the girl throwing a tantrum so early on in the day. However, to Tom’s surprise, she agreed. She stood on her tiptoes, reaching her hands up to the sky, a signal that she wanted to be lifted up.

Tom scooped her up into his arms, resting her on his hip while he collected everything he needed to head out for the day.

Scarlett busied herself in playing with the chain around Tom’s neck, finding it intriguing for some unexplained reason.

He carried her out to his car, having to follow her instructions on how to get her into the car seat, it seemed to be a struggle for Tom everytime.

Once he was sure she was safely in her seat, Tom climbed into the driver’s seat, sending you a quick text to tell you they were heading out.

At one point during the short drive, Tom glanced through his mirror to see Scarlett quietly singing along to the radio, which he turned up so she could hear better, kicking her legs in her carseat happily.

The aquarium wasn’t too far away, and before Tom knew it they were inside and ready to look around. Scarlett complained about how it felt like it’d taken forever, clutching Tom’s hand with her tiny one as she dragged him towards what she thought looked most interesting.

“Look at that one!” she gasped, pointing to the vibrant coloured fish. Tom nodded, grinning down at the pure happiness on the little girl's face. The sudden vibration in his pocket made Tom jump. He pulled out his phone to see your contact lighting up his screen. He took a few steps back from her, so she was still in his eyeline but her loud squeals weren’t heard in his ear everytime she spotted a pretty fish.

“Hello?”

A smile creeped onto your face just at the sound of his voice, it was all you needed to hear to convince you you could make it till the end of your shift.

“Hi.”

“How are things?” You let out a sigh, glancing around the ward with a bored look.

“It’s okay, I guess, nothing much happened after this morning,” you explained. “How’s it going with Scarlett?” Tom smiled to himself, watching as the girl stared in awe at all the vibrantly coloured fish swimming in the tank.

“I didn’t take her to the zoo because I know you wanted to go, so I brought her to the aquarium you’ve been to before.” Your heart soared. The fact that Tom both listened to your stories about your daughter and respected the things you wanted to do with her were just more things to add to your ‘why Tom is the perfect man’ list.

“Are you having fun?” There was an underlying hint of sadness in your voice that Tom quickly picked up on.

“Yeah, but it’d be even more fun if you were here.” You could hear him quietly talking to Scarlett in the background, something about spotting a certain coloured fish. The girl responded with a squeal of excitement when she found out, gushing about how pretty it looked.

“She sounds happy,” you commented, pulling Tom’s attention away from the girl again.

“I think she is, this is the warmest she’s been with me.”

You bit your lip to try and hold back your smile. You’d both been waiting for the moment she’d decide she was ready to accept Tom as her dad, and it’s been a long journey to get to that point.

“Well, I should go, but i’m glad you’re having fun.”

Scarlett ran over to Tom, clutching his legs and asking who was on the phone. When he responded with a simple ‘mummy’ she decided she needed to talk to you right that second.

She ended up occupying you on the phone for much longer than you’d intended, finding it impossible to get away from the girl while she was ranting about all the different animals and fish they’d seen.

“I don’t want to keep you then, tell Tom to have fun too okay?” She mumbled a quiet okay. Tom was watching her with an amused grin, finding it adorable how large his phone looked pressed against her head. You said your I love you’s before hanging up to continue wallowing in your own self pity.

»»——⍟——««

The picture Tom sent you around 1 was the thing that kept you going, but was simultaneously the thing that almost made you cry in the middle of the hospital.

The two were sitting in the restaurant at the aquarium, the girl cuddling some kind of fluffy penguin teddy that you were sure Tom insisted he buy for her, while grinning at the camera.

He followed it up with a little message afterwards that basically confirmed your suspicions.

‘She loved the penguins and I couldn’t resist, this is Oswald x’

You giggled at the name, an obvious reference to the time Harrison came over and let her watch Batman. You ended up setting the picture as your lock screen, clicking your lock button to see your baby’s face light up your phone screen.

Your eyes drifted up to the clock on your phone, seeing you had at least another 2 hours left of work.

You wish you could say those last couple hours flew by, but it felt like they were never going to end. You spent most of the time being handed more and more tasks to do that you were scared you wouldn’t finish before the time you could go home.

Thankfully you did, wanting to practically scream with relief once you climbed into your car. You felt like you had more energy now that at any point during your day, which was very confusing considering the long almost 10 hour shift you had.

You heard the excited yells of your daughter the second you walked through the door of your home. She’d quite clearly seen your car pull up outside and just couldn’t wait to greet you.

“There she is.” You were almost tackled into a hug by the four year old, the girl beaming at you. Tom helped you slip your jacket off once Scarlett decided to let go of you.

“So, how was it?” She was more than happy to tell you again every single thing her and Tom did, going as far as describing almost each and every one of the fishies in detail.

Tom joined in at random parts with bits of information that seemed to slip past her excited mind. He watched you both with a smile, silently laughing at you when you realised you’d probably be here for days if you didn’t stop her.

“That sounds like so much fun, but you need to go and get ready for when Nikki comes.”

She still hadn’t taken up calling Tom’s mother Grandma yet, but you reassured her that it’d come with time, exactly the same as your reassurances to Tom.

She ran away to her room to do as you said, leaving you and Tom a moment alone before you got ready for your date.

Tom’s hands made a beeline for your waist once she was out of sight, bringing you in close to him until you were pressed up against his chest.

“Hello handsome.” A faint blush creeped onto Tom’s cheeks, the man trying to hide it by burying his face in your neck. He placed soft kisses all over the skin there, earning him a pleased sigh from you.

Your hands trailed up the expanse of his muscly back, eventually residing in his mess of hair. Gentle tugs on the short curls were what brought his attention away from your neck.

He smiled at you, resting his forehead on yours. Your noses occasionally clashed from the close proximity, but neither of you cared enough to pull away. He was the one to close the gap between you, slotting your lips together in a slow kiss. It wasn’t hungry or needy in any way, more so screaming that you’d missed each other.

“We should get ready,” you mumbled onto his lips, unwilling to pull away just yet.

He hummed. “We really should.”

Neither of you made an attempt to move. This time it was you who couldn’t stand not kissing him, placing such a soft peck on his lips that he was sure it almost didn’t happen.

“I love you.” You grinned, rubbing your thumb over his unruly eyebrow, eyes flickered over the tiny features of his face. He took the time to study your eyes while you did so, noticing the little flecks of different colours that didn’t match your overall eye colour.

You finally looked into his eyes, those golden, honey orbs that just made you melt inside everytime they stared at you with just so much adoration.

“I love you too.”

He let you go and get ready after that, pouting adorably as he watched you strut your way to your bedroom. You picked out your outfit before hand, pulling the hanger with the gorgeous silver dress out of your wardrobe, laying it on the bed.

You knew Tom would probably sneak a look at it, but seeing it on a hanger wouldn’t even compare to seeing it on your body.

You took a lot longer getting ready than you expected to, purely due to the long, hot shower you took that felt like a necessity after your work day, and also the fact you hadn’t truly gotten yourself dolled up for something in a while, something that you greatly missed.

Tom was there as soon as you were finished to make you feel even better about yourself, throwing compliments at you left and right that left you a flustered mess of butterflies.

At some point Scarlett had creeped into your room, looking at your pretty dress in awe.

“Doesn’t your mummy look pretty?” She nodded her head rapidly, complimenting you profusely. Your fiancé knew you were getting flustered, trying to cover your face to hide from your own embarrassment. He placed a quick kiss on your head, his hand slipping down to the small of your back to guide you to the front door.

You gave Scarlett a tight hug, telling her to behave, while Tom placed a kiss on her head.

“Thank you again,” you gushed, making sure to give Tom’s mum an extra tight hug before you left. She always told you that she loved taking care of Scarlett, even if she wasn’t her biological granddaughter.

Tom led you out of the house with a lovesick grin plastered on his face, making you rather suspicious about what he was up to.

“What are you so smiley about?” you asked. He simply shrugged, placing a kiss on your knuckles as he told you absolutely nothing.

“Just happy to finally have to myself.”

»»——⍟——««

The small body of the girl barreled towards you as soon as you stepped through the front door. She surprisingly almost knocked your balance, forcing a giggle out of your slightly tipsy self.

You were able to scoop her up, holding her on your hip.

“I know, we’re home,” you whispered, cradling her to your chest. She tucked her head into your neck, trying to not let sleep consume her so she had more time to spend with her favourite person.

While you were snuggling your baby, Tom was once again thanking his mother, telling her a little about the lovely night you had at the restaurant.

Nikki could see in his eyes as he watched you, just how much adoration he felt for both of you. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen her son look like that.

“Missed you,” she mumbled, muffled by the way her mouth was resting on you. You responded with a simple kiss, noting how her eyes were so desperately trying to flutter shut.

You couldn’t blame her, you had accidentally woken her up at a ridiculous time in the morning and she was still only a toddler who often took multiple naps throughout the day.

“Let’s get you to bed.” She whined in your ear out of protest, shaking her head in your neck. Her head raised, looking around the room until her eyes landed on Tom.

She twisted in your arms so you were only holding her by her stomach. Scarlett made grabby hands at Tom, a sleepy pout on her lips when he didn’t instantly come over.

“Can daddy put me to bed?” she asked, so innocently.

Tom froze, his heart growing in size as he stared at her. You and Nikki shared a look, one that told the other you were happy you could experience this moment.

He didn’t exactly know what to do, becoming a bit of a stuttering mess. He’d been waiting at least over a year since you’d gotten engaged for her to say that one word, a sort of confirmation that she was happy he was there.

You could see the tears lining his waterline as his mind replayed the 6 words she just uttered. It seemed to take him a few seconds to come back down to earth, nodding his head. You helped transfer Scarlett from your arms to his much stronger ones, the male making it look like lifting a feather. Scarlett shifted slightly, sighing as she got comfortable in his hold.

“Yeah, of course, daddy can put you to bed.”

»»——⍟——««

tom holland taglist - @seutarose @lmaotshollandd @photoshopart15 @hopelessly-harry @bvttercupbby @call-me-baby-gir1 @fallinfortom @strawberrytom @siriuslyslyslytherin @musicalkeys @itstaskeen @icyhollands @tpwk-grande @zspideyy @chrisosterfield @givebuckyhisplumsnow @lowkey-holland @hollandcrush @wizkiddx @sannie-san-shine @sonnydoesrandomshit @hopeless-romantic-baby @dummiesshort @itsbieberxholland @lillucyandthejets @piscesparker @mymilliefrommarketing @spideyspeaches @kujokura @l0velyevans @jess-holland23 @holland-parkers @earthlyholland

[spidernerdsblog]

Match made in Hell : Chapter Twelve

A/N : Chapter twelve is here. Ah only one more chapter left. Hope you like this chapter. Let me know what you think.

Pairing : Mob! Tom Holland x Reader

Summary : you always wanted a simple life but to be born as the daughter of a dangerous mobster turned out to be a curse for you. Everything changes when your father gets your lover killed and forcefully marries you off to another mobster as a part of a deal. You hate your father and your husband the only thing you seek is now revenge. Will you ever be able to fall in love again or this burning hatred inside you will consume you?

Warnings : fluff, pregnancy, misogyny, mention of blood, violence, language, missed typos.

SERIES MASTERLIST

“What's wrong?” Vanessa looks at you questioningly.

“I think I might have had skipped for a couple of days,” you admit, scrunching your nose.

“Can you be less vague? Cause I’m not getting it” she deadpans as you scowl at her for not getting your implication.

“Okay so I got shot a month ago I hope you remember that. I was on medication right? Well a lot of medications actually” you half shrug “so with all that going on I may or may not have forgotten to take the pills during that time and we got caught up in the moment at one time and things just happened you know”

“Well you guys are literal horndogs I have no doubt in that” she rolls her eyes “but you need to take the test” she states out to you.

“What? Now?” you looked at her stunned.

“Yes and right now” she stresses on her words.

“But I don't have any test kits at this moment” you mutter

“Then I'll ask someone to get them from the store”

“No! don’t tell anyone especially the boys” you give her a panicked look and Vanessa scoffs.

“OK relax I'll go and get it for you” saying so she left immediately. It took half an hour for Vanessa to make a trip round to the store as you waited for her in your room anxiously.

“Here” she hands you the pregnancy test kit. You nibble on to your bottom lip glancing back and forth between the box and her face.

“C'mon go on” she urged you on. You finally stood up and went inside the bathroom. Closing the door behind you let out a deep sigh taking one last glance at the box before opening it. After reading the instructions carefully you proceeded to do accordingly. When you were done you placed the stick on the marble counter and opened the door for Vanessa to come in.

“Done” you inform her.

“OK, now we wait,” she says, glancing at her watch. Five minutes appeared to be five years for you as you paced back and forth while Vanessa chewed on her nails leaning on the counter in anticipation.

“OK it’s time” she announces and you feel your heartbeat quicken. You took a deep breath and stepped forward to have a look but immediately backed off feeling anxious.

“Oh god I can't look at it” you wrap your arms around yourself.

“What?” Vanessa looks at you puzzled.

“You check it for me please I can’t” you gave her an earnest look.

“You're so dramatic” she rolls her eyes and goes to check the result and falls silent taking the test in hand.

“What? What is it?” you ask impatiently.

“Negative” she answers.

“Negative? Really?” you weren't convinced with the result as you looked at her with doubt in your eyes.

“Yeah” she confirms again.

“Oh that's a relief heh” you chuckle lightly “I told you before only it's just a stomach bug”

“You're upset that it's negative, aren’t you?” Vanessa gives you a knowing look.

“What? No I mean… yeah a little it wouldn't be bad you know but nevermind” you fiddle with your hands fumbling on your words.

“So you wanted a baby?” she raises her eyebrows questioningly.

“I mean yeah I love kids and wouldn't mind one of my own specially if it’s a cute little version of my husband running around the house on his little feet” you expressed your little desire.

“You sure?” she reasserts, raising her eyebrows as the corner of her mouth picks into a smile.

“Yeah but it doesn't matter anyways cause the test is negative as you said” you shrugged letting off the thought.

“Well then good news sissy it's actually positive” Vanessa smiles at you widely and you were taken aback.

“What?! You serious?” she nods, holding out the stick in front of you to see it yourself.

“Oh my god you bitch!” you gasp “who's dramatic now huh?” you scowl, hitting her arm lightly.

“Ow! At least I helped you figure out what you actually feel about the whole thing” she places her hands on your shoulders “congratulations sister you’re gonna have a baby!”

“I’m gonna have a baby” you repeat that to yourself. You still couldn’t believe that this was happening as you placed a hand gently over your stomach

“And I'm going to be an aunt. I’m so happy for you guys” she hugs you tightly but soon your face drops as you pull away from her with a worried expression.

“What happened? Why again the gloomy face?” Vanessa nudges you.

“I don’t want my baby to be part of this bloodshed. I have been trying to run away from this and here I’m again pushing my child right into that same hell hole” you rant with tears in your eyes.

“I think you need to first talk to Tom and then make a decision. You understand?” you nod “everything will be fine don’t worry” she pulls you in her embrace comforting you.

It was almost a week that you got to know you were pregnant but still you couldn’t break the news to Tom, you just didn’t have the nerves to do it yet.

****

You stood by the mirror glancing at your reflection though there wasn’t a visible bump but you still rubbed your hand over your belly. The thought of a life growing inside made your heart swell with warmth. Somehow you felt more livelier than you have ever been a certain glow emanating through your features. Maybe this is what people meant by pregnancy glow. You felt happy and content from inside out, you felt complete as if you had found the missing piece of your life. But you still had to tell Tom and the only person you could think of for some advice was your mom as you finally called her.

“Hi sweetie” your mother’s sweet voice comes from the other end.

“Hey mom”

“So what reminds my daughter about her old mother?” she snickers.

“Mom! you really think that I called for another favor” you grimace.

“Well you don't call much for me to think otherwise”

“C'mon mom you know my situation with dad”

“Yeah, yeah I'm just messing with you now, what’s the matter? you sound stressed” she observed.

“I... just really miss you” you sigh

“Sweetie, is everything alright?” she asks with concern.

“Yeah just wanted to hear your voice that’s all”

“I'm your mother Y/N, I can totally feel that something is bothering my little girl?”

“Mom, can I ask you something?” you say taking a deep breath.

“Anything honey”

“Were you scared when you first came to know that you were pregnant with me?”

“What?”

“I mean to say that I was totally unplanned and for my sake you had to marry that man so were you scared thinking about what your future will be in a crime family?”

“Well honestly I had little choice in that matter. I was stuck in the middle of the rivalry so in order to keep you safe I married him. But honey the day I held you in my arms all my fears went away. The only thing I know is that I can spend the rest of my life looking at you. You were never a mistake you were the best gift given to me”

“That's nice to hear” you smile

“But why after so many years you are bringing this up?”

“Nothing I just have somethings in my mind going on right now and it feels a lot” you try to shrug it off.

“Sweetie, what are you hiding from me?” she prods.

“Nothing mom I swear!” you exclaim.

“I know very well what this ‘nothing mom’ means c'mon tell me”

“Well I'm pregnant” you inform as you hear her gasp.

“What?! Oh my god I can't believe my ears, is this really true? This isn’t a prank right? Like you used to do when you were little”

“No mom it isn’t a prank” you reassure her lightly chuckling.

“Oh god I'm so happy for you honey. My little girl is going to be a mom herself? When did she grow so big?” she shrieks eyes welling up in happiness “Does Tom know?”

“Not yet” you inform.

“Not yet? Why what's wrong? Does he not want it?”

“No it’s nothing like that… actually I myself don’t know. This just happened so suddenly though I was thrilled initially but now I’m worried actually scared I-I don't think I will be a good mother. I mean my life is already a mess. I don't want to give this life to my child. They don't deserve this”

“Listen to me Y/N no one is perfect even I made mistakes too and that’s how we learn. How much ever you want to plan your life Y/N, it will always have a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned” she makes you understand “Tom is a nice guy I’m sure he’ll always be by your side. And I know my girl too and how much strong she is you have got this Y/N just believe in yourself and Tom”

“Thanks mom really needed to hear this from you”

“Anytime honey now take some rest and then tell everything to Tom, speak to you soon, love you”

“Love you too mom” you end the call feeling lighthearted as if a weight has been lifted off your chest. You grew up in a very dysfunctional family which made you yearn for a perfect happy family and when you have finally got it you’re not going to let anything mess it up at any cost.

****

The basement of your mansion was kind of Tom’s personal hell. He had particularly made it to held people captive for whoever dared to cross him and torture them to death. You were actually never allowed down there but today you got to join him. As you approached the room in the basement you heard screams and groans of a man in pain. Tom opened the door and you both stepped inside to find Ethan tied up in a chair beaten mercilessly barely conscious groaning in pain. His body was pale and face bruised with a black eye, nose bleeding, jaw swollen from the right temple down the cheek. Harrison was standing in front of him in a black tank top and jeans all worked up heaving in anger as you noticed his bloody knuckles. Two other lackeys were also present to help him with the interrogation.

“Haz anything so far?” Tom asks, lighting up a cigarette.

“Nothing till now this bastard won't speak up” he mutters, grabbing a fistful of Ethan’s silky black hair and tugging it harshly. Tom stalks towards him and bents down blowing the smoke on his face

“Well mate you have to speak up some or the other time” he smirks with a condescending tone.

“Over my dead body” Ethan grits under his teeth glaring at him.

“Sooner or later you are gonna end up dead anyways but not before you tell us everything you know about the rest of the viper gang”

“You think you can torture me to disclose everything” he snickers weakly “nah you have got the wrong man dude. You gotta do lot more than this”

“You know what Ethan? I'm not good with patience so the sooner you speak up the sooner you get your sweet death”

“And I think I’ve got the time of the world” he laughs tauntingly “why don’t you ask your wife to do it? Maybe she can seduce everything out of me like the pathetic whore she is” he slurs at you with a mocking tone. Tom clenches his jaw as his hands balled into tight fists and in no time he lands a punch right at his jugular as he coughs up blood.

“Watch your bloody mouth!” Tom growls, grabbing him by his collar “you really don’t know how tempted I am to cut you into pieces one by one as I watch you slowly bleed to death” he mutters, looking at him with malice in his eyes.

The scene in front of you wasn’t that pleasant though you’re used to it but with the raging pregnancy hormones everything seemed heightened for you. The room began to feel stuffy as you found it difficult to breathe adding to that the raunchy putrid smell of blood mixed with the smell of nicotine in the room swept through your nose which made your stomach churn and you tasted bile. The urge to throw up grew strong for you to hold it any longer. You grabbed your mouth, letting out a muffled "excuse me" you ran upstairs to your room.

“Y/N?” Tom lets go of Ethan and calls you back worriedly as everyone’s attention turns to you.

“You go check I can handle this” Harrison assures exchanging glances with Tom as he nodded and sprinted off to your bedroom. He finds the bathroom locked as he hears gagging noises from inside.

“Y/N, love you alright?” He knocks on the door

“Yeah I'm fine” you answer before throwing up again. When you were sure that there’s nothing left for you to throw up you stepped out of the bathroom face flushed and exhausted. Tom hastily went to hold your hand.

“Oh my god are you ok?” he gasps lightly

“Yes Tom I’m fine don’t worry” you tell him

“You don't look fine to me” he drapes a hand around your shoulders and slowly walks you towards the bed and makes you sit down.

“Tom it's ok”

“Y/N we need to go see a doctor now” he insists.

“No, no it’s fine a little rest will be enough for me”

“I’m not listening to anything, wait I-I’m calling the doctor at home only” he fumbles pulling out his phone from his pocket to make a call.

“Tom, relax! It's totally normal in the first months of pregnancy” you exclaim

“What?!” Tom frowns as your eyes go wide realizing your slip up  “Did you just say pregnancy?” he reiterates.

“Yes” you sigh standing up “I'm pregnant….with our child” you reveal placing your hand over your belly and Tom’s expression changed into a mix of shock and happiness.

“What? You're serious? You-you aren't kidding right?”

“Do I seem to be in the state of joking?” you raise your eyebrows unamused.

“Yeah, yeah right” he mumbles to himself as he processes the news and soon after excitement takes over him “Oh god Y/N this is such great news!” He lifts you up and does a little spin.

“Oh my god Tom put me down!” you squeal

“Oh I’m sorry” he puts you down “I’m just so excited. When did you get to know?”

“A week ago” you said meekly.

“And you didn't tell me? Why?” you felt a little intimidated under his questioning gaze. Even before you could say something he made his own assumption.

“Wait, you don't want this, is that why?” he looks at you with dreaded eyes

“No, No, no that's not what it is?” you shake your head vigorously in disapproval “you have got it all wrong”

“Then what is it Y/N?” he asks you softly.

“It's actually the opposite. I was just scared as it was totally unplanned and with all this going on with my father you are already tensed. I wasn’t sure how you would react” you rambled.

“Oh darling” he breathes out cupping your face gently with his broad hands “you don't know today you have made me the happiest man on this fucking world. This is everything I wanted honey. You, me and our perfect little happy family” you smiled at him as he carefully placed his hands on your belly.

“How far are you? Is everything normal? Are you both ok?” he badgered you with questions.

“I... actually thought you would come with me on my first checkup” you looked at him bashfully “it's-it's just I wanted you to be there with me if you aren't too busy”

“Of course love, no work is more important than you and my little one” he beams with joy. Tom didn’t waste a second to call at the hospital to schedule your appointment.

“Mr. and Mrs. Holland” the nurse calls out

“Yes?” you both respond standing up from your seats.

“Dr. Martin is ready to see you” she informs and leads you inside the room.

“Please lie down” she instructs and you follow by lying down on the examination chair while Tom sits on the chair beside you. The nurse then leaves the room and soon after the doctor arrives. She was a middle aged woman and looked quite experienced as she greeted you warmly.

“Hello Mrs. Holland, I’m Dr. Martin”

“Hello doctor” you smiled courteously.

“So how are you feeling today?”

“I feel fine, doctor, just a little bit tired...” you were quickly cut off by Tom

“No doctor she got really sick and nauseous the other day” he puts forth his concern.

“Morning sickness is normal at this time Mr. Holland. There’s nothing to worry about” she reassures him.

“See?” you whisper with a knowing glare. Tom still wasn’t convinced but let it go for now.

“Ready to have a first look at your baby?” she asks cheerfully as you nod, lifting your shirt up. She rubbed the cool gel on your lower stomach while Tom held your hand tightly. Then she switches the monitor on and runs the tool on your belly. A hazy black and white image appears on the screen as the room fills with the rhythmic beeping of heartbeat. You and Tom stare at the monitor in awe.

“You see right here?” the doctor points at the middle of the screen with a pen.

“Awww that's our baby” you squeeze Tom's hand gently, a stray tear of joy rolls down your cheek. Tom was himself brimming with emotions, he knelt down and kissed your forehead with adoration as you noticed London’s most feared mobster’s eyes wet.

“I can already pick the heartbeats” she reveals further as you both give her a puzzled look.

“Heartbeats? As in plural” Tom asked in shock.

“Yeah two heartbeats” she confirms “you're going to have twins Mrs. Holland” she adds. You gasped and smiled instantly feeling giddy and overwhelmed at the news.

“We're gonna have twins” you looked up at him with a sparkle in your eyes.

“Yes we are, love” a wide smile spread across his face “you gotta admit I did a really good job in there though” he whispers cockily and there he was back again in his usual self.

“Tom!” you glared, squeezing his hand tightly.

“Ow! Sorry, sorry” he chuckles when you both were interrupted as Dr Martin began to speak again.

“You are approximately 8 weeks and all parameters seem to be normal. The babies are growing fine, nothing to worry about. After 10 weeks we can identify the genders” she elucidates “But you have to be extra careful as you are a new mom and with twins. Everything will be doubled for you so maintaining a proper diet, getting a good amount of sleep is very important. No heavy lifting and most importantly no stress at all as it directly affects the babies. The expectant mother should always be happy” she advises.

“We’ll keep that in mind doc thank you so much” Tom acknowledges her.

“Well then I’ll see you on your next check up. Do you want the prints of the ultrasound?”

“Yes please” you both said together.

“Ok I’ll get it right away”

On the way back home the whole ride Tom kept rambling about how everything needed to be baby proofed and keep everything ready as if you are going to labor tomorrow itself. He even suggested that he shift your bedroom downstairs so that you don’t have to climb up the stairs. You had to literally ask him to shut up and relax that you have seven more months to go.

****

You were about to get off the bed when Tom came in with a huge tray of food.

“Good morning love” he went and sat in front placing the tray on his lap as you looked at the amount of food which was double than you usually have.

“What's all this Tom?” you ask frowning.

“Breakfast in bed”

“I can see that but is this a breakfast for a giant? What's with these enormous portions?” you pointed out.

“If I may remind you, you are now eating for three so you have to eat accordingly”

“In no way I'm going to eat that much” you stated firmly

“But darling…”

“Nope, not happening. I said no means no” you shake your head side to side “I don’t want to get fat because after a few I’m gonna be all big and round anyways and then you wouldn't look at me” your hormones getting the best of your insecurities as you rambled without much thinking.

“Hey look at me” he holds your chin between his index and thumb fingers making you look at him “you seriously think that? You. will. always. be. the prettiest woman for me do you understand?” he asks as you nod “I bet you are going to be the most beautiful mom. Our kids are lucky to have a fearless, confident woman like you as their mother” he says looking deep into your eyes “and I can’t wait to see you all big and round” he adds smiling.

“But I’m still not gonna eat all of it”

“Ok you can eat as much you can no pressure” he assures you as you take the fruit bowl in your hand and start to munch on the fruits one by one going into a deep thought.

“Now what is going on in that mind of yours?” he asks breaking you out of your thoughts.

“I think we should tell everyone I mean your mom and dad then the boys they would be thrilled to know”

“So you wanna invite them over lunch?” he offers.

“Yeah that will be really nice”

****

Tom’s family arrived on time, after lunch all of you gathered in the living room as you and Tom stood in the middle. Everyone looked at you both expectantly though Tom’s dad had a disinterested look like all times.

“Sorry for the short notice but this was kind of important and we were really excited to share this news with you” you started.

“Did the police catch your father?” Harry asks out of nowhere

“That would have been really nice but unfortunately no”

“Then what is it?” Harrison asks impatiently.

“Well….we’re pregnant” you both announce.

“What?!” everyone collectively gasped.

“Is it true?” Nikki looked between you two

“Yes mum” Tom confirms bashfully wrapping a hand around your waist and pulling you closer.

“Oh my god this is such good news” she gets up to you and takes your hands in hers “I’m so happy for you” she cradles the side of your face lovingly.

“Finally I'm going to get to see the face of my grandson, my heir. That's some good news after all huh” Tom’s dad remarks with gruff in his voice as Nikki looks at you apologetically.

“Actually dad, we're going to have twins,” Tom added.

“Well that’s good, can't wait to meet my grandsons as they’re going to take over our business in future” he said still emphasizing on having a son and honestly neither you nor Tom wanted your twins to join the mob.

“Oh dear now that’s something big” Nikki tries to lighten the mood “I remember when I was with Harry and Sam it was a lot of cravings and mood swings get ready for it Tom” she snickers as she starts to give you some helpful tips to make everything a little easier for you as this is your first time.

“Congratulations bro” Harrison goes and hugs Tom tightly.

“Thanks man”

“So I’m gonna be the godfather I assume?” he asks.

“Well we’re yet to decide that” Tom snickers.

“What? C’mon man I’m your best friend and I’m going to be the godfather, that’s final. I know Y/N is still angry at me which by the way is your fault but I’ll manage her” he states confidently

“Good luck with that,” Tom laughs. Everyone left after sometime leaving you both all by yourselves in your house. Tom turns to smiling.

“What?” you ask.

“Close your eyes,” he says.

“Why?” you look at him skeptically

“You still don’t trust me don’t you?”

“No” you quip with a smirk.

“Just close your eyes please I have something to show to you” he pouts with puppy eyes

“Okay” you close your eyes “happy?”

“Yes now come with me”

“Where are you taking me?” you ask again.

“You’ll see soon” he takes your hand and carefully guides you up the stairs. He brings you in front of a room with a large wooden door and slowly clicks the door open.

“Now open your eyes” he whispers softly into your ears. You flutter your eyes open to be awestruck as you look inside the room. It was a nursery for your twins. You looked at everything with wide eyes, two twin cribs situated in the middle with cute plushies in it, the walls painted in soft pastel gender neutral shades, the lighting of the room well coordinated making it look warm and cozy. An armchair for you to take rest.

“How is it?” Tom's voice breaks you out of your thoughts.

“Tom, it’s-it’s beautiful” you breathe out “but when did you?” you looked at him quizzical

“Well as soon as you told me I called in some favors and had this room renovated” he reveals to you.  

“It's-it's really beautiful Tom” you walked further into the room towards the cribs. Brushing your hand over the wooden railings you picked up the baby towel and rubbed it against your cheek feeling the soft texture.

“Sorry I don't have much idea about all this stuff, I just tried my best to make it as comfortable for you three. If you want anything else just tell me I'll get it done” he says scratching the back of his neck.

“Tom, it's perfect. You did a great job. I love it” you take his hand and place it over your belly “and they are gonna love it too” you reassure him.

“I installed a music system too” he adds, turning on the music as he wraps his hands around your waist and sways gently to the music “it's said that listening to calming music helps during this time”

“Someone has been busy reading I see” you tease.

“Well I just want to be there for you guys” he shrugs nonchalantly.

“Aww where did this softy come from? What did you do to my terrifying ruthless mobster husband?” you joke laughing.

“Haha very funny” he scoffs when you finally notice the lyrics of the song.

“Is this our wedding song?” you ask with a knowing smile.

“Yep”

I know you haven't made your mind up yet But I would never do you wrong I've known it from the moment that we met No doubt in my mind where you belong

“Did I ever tell you how bloody gorgeous you looked that day? Just like an angel from the heavens”

“Oh shut up!” you blushed, hitting his chest playfully.

“What? I’m serious” he laughs “couldn’t take my eyes off you”

“Well you didn’t look bad either” you snicker resting your head on his chest “that was such a long time ago isn’t it?”

“Hmm” he hums

“If anybody had told me that we will end up like this I would have never believed it at all” you chuckle at the memories of the numerous heated arguments you had with each other. But now you find solace in each other's arms.

“We have come a long way” he sighs as you feel him tense under you. Something was still bothering him, you knew it for sure.

“Wanna sit down?” you posed

“No it’s fine I’m not tired”

“Well I am pregnant with twins you know heh” he lets go of you and you go and sit on the floor near the cribs back resting against them. You pat on the empty spot beside you urging him to sit down too. He comes and sits down tilting his head on your shoulder as you run your fingers through his soft brown curls.

“I needed to say something to you” he finally lets out.

“Go on I’m listening”

“Don't mind my dad's words I don't care if they are girls or boys I just want you three to be healthy and safe” he says as you go to kiss his forehead lovingly “If you ask me personally I would be thrilled to have two mini Y/Ns” he add.

“Careful what you wish for Mr. Holland you don’t want thrice the trouble do you?” you chuckle.

“Gladly Mrs. Holland” he laughs before turning all gloomy again “do you think they would like me?”

“You are their father Tom they would always love you”

“But what if they don't? What if they hate me when they come to what kind of man their dad is and everything he has done in his life?” he rambles.

“Tom as the eldest son you didn't have a choice they would surely understand” you try your best to make him understand.

“I don't know Y/N, you know my dad wasn't that present for us. It was just us and mum. And when time came all of a sudden I was accompanying him killing people and beating them to death. I want to change that I want to be there for them, for you in every step of your life and most importantly I don’t want that life for them” he rants out.

“Honey, you wanting to do things right has already made you the best father in the world. They are gonna be so proud of their daddy” you cradle his face affectionately.

“You know what, I'm going to stop doing all the illegal trades” he blurts out.

“What do you mean?” you frown at him.

“Means no more shark loaning, extortion, gambling, contract killing everything, everything that's against the laws. I have already made a lot of enemies” he places a hand on your stomach “and I'm not gonna let them inherit this curse too. I need to cut off my ties with the underworld”

“But what about your dad I don't think he would agree with and your brothers then Harrison?”

“Dad will be angry I'm sure of that but Harrison, Sam and Harry would understand. I want to make sure that you all are safe and no more hiding skeletons in the closet” he gives you a determined look as you smile.

“Do whatever is necessary I'll always be there by your side cause I love you”

“I love you too” he says back as your lips meet softly into a chaste kiss.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true Nothing that I wouldn't do Go to the ends of the Earth for you To make you feel my love To make you feel my love

****

You woke up the next morning hearing some commotion outside your room. You could hear Tom yelling at his men judging by the tone he was furious.

“What?!” he was shocked “how did this happen?! And what were you morons doing at that time?!”

“Sir-sir” the men stuttered in fear.

“I don't want to hear a fucking word from your mouths! Go and find him now or I'll kill you” he threatens “now get out of my sight!” meanwhile, you slip off the bed and put on your robe before stepping out of your room.

“Tom is everything alright” you ask with a worried expression.

“Oh I'm sorry darling did I wake you up? It’s nothing, go back to sleep there will be no more disturbance” he pretends to act like everything is ok.

“Tom, stop lying, what is it? What has happened?” you enquire.

“Nothing darling I promise” he tries his best to convince you but you weren’t buying any of it.

“You're not gonna tell me? fine! I'll go and find out myself” you glower at him.

“Y/N no wait you” he stops you, catching hold of your hand.

“Then tell me what it is?” you demand with a serious look on your face.

“Ethan escaped”

..................................................................................

Taglist in bio.

[manonblaqkbeak]

Midnight Cravings

so, i actually wrote most of this in july but never finished it and decided to fix it up for todays prompt bc i was feeling a lil lazy lol. and i think its one of my faves, especially the ending.

2.2k words

cw: none

enjoy!! :)

It was just past two in the morning and Aelin was wide awake. Not due to a mountain of paperwork, or a nightmare or one of her kids needing her. Aelin was wide awake because she was absolutely starving.

The type of starving it felt like she'd never eaten a day in her life. Like her stomach was going to eat itself.

Her stomach growled again, louder than before, and beside her, his voice muffled, Rowan asked, “Is that your stomach or the wind outside?”

“Shut up,” Aelin mumbled, as her stomach continued its song. Gods, why was she so hungry? She practically devoured the fruits in the fruit bowl just before bed, she had a healthy serving of dinner, and a large slice of chocolate torte for dessert.

But here she was, close to eating her damned pillow to sate her starvation.

Aelin glanced over towards her mate, his back to her, and she shuffled closer, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“Rowan,” she started to say, but Rowan cut her off.

“I'm not going to the kitchens.”

She pouted, although he couldn't see her. “Please?” she knew that if she used her manners, then he would do just about anything.

But it didn't work. Not just yet. “There's some fruit in the bowl.”

“I ate them all.” He sighed heavily, knowing that he was losing this conversation. “Please? I am your mate, your wife, the mother of your children.”

Rowan snorted. “Really? I was starting to suspect that the three silver-haired children were Lorcan's.”

Her hunger nearly disappeared at the thought of that. “Don't be gross.” Reaching over, Aelin kissed the tip of his ear, smiling as he shuddered in pleasure as she nibbled on it. “Please?”

Rowan sighed heavily, knowing that he lost, and Aelin barely hid her smile. “I'll go,” he said. “But only if you join me.”

Her smile did disappear at that. “But the bed is so warm.”

“Exactly. If I have to leave it, so do you.”

“Fine,” she mumbled reluctantly, but quickly perked up, realising that she would be getting food. Rowan was a much better cook than her. Aelin used to have basic cooking skills, but with being Queen and then becoming a mother, she never cooked anymore and really had no need to; not with multiple cooks under the palace roof. She did try a few years ago as a treat for her family, but everything turned into a crisp and wasn't even suitable for the dogs in the kennels.

Scrambling out of bed, the Queen and King of Terrasen tied on their robes and put on their slippers. Aelin loved the sight of Rowan looking so domestic, it was ridiculous how much she loved it.

Since Isolde was only six months old and far too young to be left behind, Rowan put her in the wooden carrier to take with them into the kitchens, their movements silent as the grave as they transferred their youngest from her crib and into the crafty carrier—Isolde was the only one of their children that slept soundlessly through the night at such a young age, and loathed to be woken up. As Rowan did that, Aelin checked in on Alder in his room, their son a little over three years old, but he slept like a log and Aelin knew that he wouldn't wake up at any point when they were gone.

As they left their chambers, Aelin nearly ruined all their good work and almost woke up their other children when she bit out a curse at the sudden leg cramp that shot up her right calf. Rowan glanced at her, asking if she was okay, and after a moment she was, although she was left a little dazed at the suddenness of it all.

Aelin's legs had been cramping randomly of late, but she didn't notice anything of concern. If it continued, she would go to Magnolia and see if anything could be done about it. The last thing Aelin needed was to fall ill, she had far too many things to do with winter arriving in a few weeks. She did know that if anything was wrong with her, that she could rely on Rowan completely.

Aelin's stomach growled for the umpteenth time, the sound lasting for a good minute before it settled. Isolde fidgeted in her sleep, but did not wake.

“I think your stomach was just trying to talk to me.”

“It was,” Aelin agreed. “It said that we need to hurry the hell up or it's going to disintegrate.”

“We better do as it says then. It'd be cruel to subject Terrasen to a hungry Queen. No one should suffer as I do when you're starving.”

“You make me sound horrible.”

“You are,” he said, humour dancing in his dark eyes. “And not just when you're hungry.”

Aelin mumbled under her breath. Rowan decided to pretend not to hear her, even as he fought a smile.

After what felt like an eternity, they reached the kitchens, Rowan placing Isolde onto the counter closest to them. Aelin rushed towards the bowls of fruit, grabbing an apple and a pear, eating the fruits simultaneously. She missed the small, private smile Rowan gave her as he went to the pantry, asking her what she was in the mood for, one eye on their child. But still, she slept and Rowan for a moment, wished that all of their children had been like that, but knew that there was no point in complaining when they all slept quietly now.

“Something filling,” was all Aelin could think of to say. But after a moment decided on an omelette, filled with bacon, mushrooms, onion, red bell-peppers and carrot. As she and Rowan prepped the ingredients—with Rowan wanting his own omelette—Aelin contemplated in silence, her brows furrowed as she chopped up the carrots.

“What are you thinking about, Fireheart?” Rowan asked when he noticed his wife's expression.

“Just trying to remember the last time I was this hungry. I've been like this for at least a week and a half.”

“I've noticed. You haven't had this big of an appetite for a good number of years.”

She didn't comment on that, lost in her own world. “And my legs have been cramping lately too. I haven't injured myself. Have I been sleeping in strange positions?”

“No, you're sleeping just fine.”

Her frown deepened. “Maybe I'm just stressed for the winter preparations.”

“Possibly, I know that you worry a lot for the people during winter.” They both did, as the winters in Terrasen were brutal. Each year there was always a small number of people that passed due to the cold for a number of reasons. When those lists made their way in Aelin's hands, it always hit her hard, her guilt a palpable thing, even after Rowan would tell her that it was in no way her fault.

But that wasn't the reasons for her consuming hunger and leg cramps—Rowan had noticed the change in her scent weeks ago and when he noticed, he thought that Aelin would too. But she was completely oblivious and he didn't want to spoil the surprise, although it was getting harder each day not to say something.

However, he couldn't help but count back the weeks to the day of conception. He was fairly certain that it was when Aelin had been reading a particularly steamy novel on the window seat in their sitting room and jumped on him like they had never had sex before when he had come to ask if she was joining him in bed.

It would fit in with list of unusual places they have conceived their children. Elentiya had been in the library (either in the archives or in Aelin and Rowan's private nook, neither were sure), Norrin against an oak tree (which they discovered after they have calmed down that the Little Folk had watched the entire encounter, with Aelin becoming stuck between wanting to laugh or hide under a rock), Alder against one of the many palace chimneys, and Isolde in a linen closet.

Maybe one day they would conceive a child in their bed like most people did.

They got to cooking, with Rowan standing behind Aelin and guiding her with the wooden spoon and plating their midnight meal before it burned into a crisp. Isolde babbled in her sleep as the sounds of cooking reached her, but still slept. It wouldn't be long, however, until she woke up to be fed. Aelin placed their youngest by her feet as they sat down at the small dining table in the far corner of the kitchen where the workers took their breaks.

The smile on Aelin's face as she bit into the fluffy omelette was certainly worth being woken up in the middle of the night.

However, her fork stilled in mid-air when she was halfway done when realisation dawned on her.

Finally.

“I'm pregnant,” was all she said, her Ashryver eyes growing wide. Rowan didn't bother to hide his smile. This was why he didn't say anything. It was always worth it when she revealed those beautiful words to him. “Rowan, I'm pregnant. The last time I was this hungry was when I was pregnant with Alder and the leg cramps are from Norrin's pregnancy. And all the fruit I can't stop eating is just like when I was pregnant with Isolde. How haven't I noticed anything?”

“You've been busy,” Rowan said, reaching over to take her hands in his and kissed her fingers.

“You knew, didn't you?” Aelin asked, her eyes narrowed just slightly.

“I may have noticed.”

“You should have told me.”

“I like it better when you come to the realisation yourself,” he said simply.

Aelin shot out of her seat and sat on his lap, a pretty smile gracing her face as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her fingers playing the the hair at the nape of his neck. Rowan wound his arms around her waist and kissed her on the cheeks, the tips of her nose, the corner of her lips and then her mouth.

Aelin hummed contentedly and kissed him back. When they broke apart, she rested her forehead against his.

“We're insane.”

Rowan laughed deeply at the sudden statement. “What makes you say that?”

“We're having a fifth baby. Lorcan and Elide only have three and I always thought that they'd have at least a dozen, but they don't and we're about to have five. That's insane. We're insane.”

“We are, but I like that about us,” he said, kissing her again. Her face was open and soft, her eyes dancing with happiness, but he still found himself asking, “Are you okay with it?”

“Of course I am, buzzard. More than words can say.” Aelin kissed him to emphasise that fact, his hand reaching down onto her belly and was content to stay like that forever. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was. She always thought that she’d just have one child, maybe two, but to have five was something she never dreamed of.

Isolde finally decided to wake up and scream her displeasure at being hungry. Aelin was off him in an instant, cooing at their daughter as Aelin sat back in her seat and fed not just herself, but Isolde at the same time. His mate was spectacular at multitasking like that.

They couldn't wait to meet their fifth child.

X X X X X X

Rowan was surprised that his children hadn't kicked down the doors to the bedchamber with how excited they were. Even little Isolde was a ball of energy and she was by far their most quiet child. Rowan lead them to their mother, reminding them that they had to be quiet and gentle, because mama had just gone through a long process of bringing in their new sibling into the world.

They entered the bedchamber and Aelin greeted them with a tired but loving smile telling them to come meet their new sister, the kids went onto the bed, surrounding Aelin and the baby, happiness and wonderment in their eyes as they took in the little bundle of joy, her silver hair stark against her lightly tanned skin. She had opened her eyes briefly during her first feeding and Aelin had groaned playfully when she spotted that they were pine-green, muttering how of course I labour for a whole day to give birth to another you. But he knew that she didn't care if she was born with green hair and yellow eyes, Aelin loved her immensely.

“What's her name, mama?” Elentiya asked softly, carefully trailing a finger down her sisters cheek.

“Elowynn-Yrene.” Rowan would never forget the pure joy in Yrene's eyes when Aelin asked if the healer would give them her blessing to grace their child with her name, as a thank you for all the years of coming down and helping Aelin, for eradicating Erawan, and for being a great friend to both of them. It had taken them a few minutes to convince their friend, citing that the honour was far too much, but Yrene eventually said "yes".

“That's pretty,” Alder supplied, a wide smile on his face. Aelin kissed his temple and thanked him for his kind words.

Aelin moved her eyes from Alder to Rowan, smiling as her mate stood there, taking them in.

His family, their family. Never did he think he would be so blessed to have this.

His and Aelin's children; the most beautiful thing Rowan had ever seen.

Rowan went and joined his family on the bed, the smile on his face one of Aelin's favourites.

[kthynes]

hi, i've now entered this paul diskant phase so can I please request a fluff but dad paul where he had a really long day at work and then coming home to his little baby being cute babbling and just melting all his stress away. thank you and hope everything is good xx

that's the best and underrated phase to be in - welcome m'dear! I hope you enjoy this little one shot x

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

this and more

pairings: dad!paul diskant x fem!reader

warnings: fluff

I do not own this gif - credit goes to the rightful owner!

Every time Paul makes it to you it's a little different. He says a prayer just before the brigade in hopes that he'd have a fulfilling life with you, at least the bearing continuation of one.

Paul loves you. He's in love with you. He'd tell all his buddies down at the station how eternally lucky he was to have you and how much it'd ache for him to see you go - not that you were leaving. No. You'd be crazy to see yourself out when everything about him was melded into the fragments of your soul especially when you've loved him enough to have his son and possibly a whole army if he had asked.

That's what consumed you as his woman. That never-ending trust and devotion.

"You excited to see your boy?" Ludlow inquires a little too paternally in the acclimating silence that follows. He quirks a brow at the young detective who is now engrossed in the passenger seat. The sighing hymns of the FM radio was dialed down just as the two men spoke with smattering earnest.

"I am." Paul relieves after taking part in the Mission Five raid that had him away from his family for nearly a week. A week too long. "And here I was thinking that my time wouldn't be up."

"It was barely a life sentence, Disco." The senior officer exhales a laugh the second he pulls up to the better parts of L.A where the homes were all suburban endemic and the lawns weren't littered with used injection needles and beer bottles. Paul had it good. Better than Ludlow could've ever imagined for himself as he discontented a half smile. "I guess this is you?"

"It is, thanks man."

"Yeah anytime."

Paul unlocks the front door and quietly trudges through the annex. He's still knotted up from the post-missionary nerves that claims territory with repentance. But then upon hearing the loud melody of children's programming, chorusing on loop, instantly pulls him in a sprightful mood.

Home is his heartbeat.

"Honey?" He staggers and calls out to you while cautiously rousing the parameter. Everything around him was in perfect order. The dishes had been done and put away, the kitchen was nearly spotless apart from the celestial-sized coffee stain that was left behind from the leaky espresso machine you’d complain about. Some things never went away unasked and that made him smiled at the doubtful imperfections. The aromatic smells of your worldly southwestern casserole was ready to be plated and devoured but Paul couldn't settle in just yet. He ran to you, stood in your shared oasis hoping the time was right again.

"Babe?" Paul hollers once more to the jumpy tune of Veggietales.

"Out back!" You say while on hold with the phone company, apprehensively gnawing away at your thumbnail to the nub. You’d nearly forgotten, actually gotten used to Paul’s departure so when he came around through the tearing screen door your heart skipped a beat.

"Thank you for holding Mrs. Diskant. We're still trying to—“

"You're kidding me?" You were brought back to reality once your hand goes up and swings back down again, letting out a loud slap come into contact with your thigh. 

It isn’t the usual conundrum but when Paul sees you pacing the deck he can’t help but chuckle. You were his fighter, always a sparring woman and so sometimes you’d be pulling up your own britches to hold it down whenever he was away or tied up at work.

“Hey.” Paul says under his breath as you stop dead in your tracks. He shuffles past the patio furniture with an extended arm that finally snakes around your waist, drawing your slinking body close and in for a passionate peck, reclaiming you as his again. Being in his worlds embrace felt nice again. His lips slotted and fit your lips like a missing jigsaw. Truly purposeful in meaning.

“Welcome back.” You murmur against the crown of his lip. He smiles, it’s a love drunk smile that grows when he hears his cherub coo and cackle at his parents loving affair.

“You worry about that. I’m gonna be right over here.” He kisses you again before eagerly greeting his son.

"Hey buddy." He unclasps the straps of the rocker and pulls his son into his giant, hallowing arms. There’s a joyful interaction between father and son that tugs at the corners of your mouth.

Paul was meant to be a father. He was fantastic at it. He had no qualms, ill regrets or take backs. He was very much altruistic by nature and at first hand experience.

He’d melt into his sons widened expressions of awe and unsaid glee, knowing that his day job didn’t define him as much as his own son did, proving him to be a better man and by example.

“I love you.” Paul professes in short spurts to the dazzled infant. He says it over and over again to his hearts content and with unpardonable affirmation his son gives him a gummy smile. “That’s right dada loves you.”

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Sept. 29, 2020)

@eponymous-rose‘s internet is out tonight, so I’m here late and without coffee! Let’s see how many typos we can fit into an hour and a half episode.

Tonight’s guests: Ashley Williams JOHNSON, oops!! & Liam O’Brien!

We open with Brian in light-up vented sunglasses and Henry at his side, as always. Dani is very excited to be back and has fun-buns in her hair tonight. So cute! Everyone talks about how much they’re Zooming these days for work, and Liam mentions he and Matt & Marisha did a digital cocktail night. He and Dani arrange on camera to have a distanced, masked meetup in the park so Dani can see Liam’s dog again.

No announcements! Tonight, we’re discussin’ episodes 110 and 111.

Starting with the end, Brian jumps right to it by asking how they feel that Molly is alive. Liam 100% thought we’d be back to him, but still wasn’t ready when it happened. Caleb doubted he was alive. Both Liam & Ashley marvel at the numerology that keeps cropping up throughout the show. Brian hates not being able to see it at the same time the show happens live; Ashley was biting her tongue not telling him spoilers. (He doesn’t want to hear spoilers unless Yasha dies so he can be there for Ashley if needed.) Brian says he has a little reality trauma from the night Pike died in the pre-stream game; it was the first time he’d realized how much it affected the players.

Ashley’s realized how much she misses unpacking the game with Brian when they get home. She just has to sit with it until everyone else gets to see it. Brian: “Instead she comes home and I have to fill her in on the Real Housewives of Amarillo, Texas.”

Reunion dinner with Trent! Liam talks about how the way things unfolded with Trent is not at all how he imagined it in his pre-game creation; he’d expected more of a fracas, more of an unexpected clash. “Caleb might have been a different person if he’d run into these people earlier in the story. The M9 changed him before [Trent & co] came back and got to him.” He’d imagined Astrid & Eodwulf to be complicated encounters, but says what Matt’s designed has been even harder than that. A fight on a mountain is one thing, but walking into a room with “what Trent dropped, is impossible to cope with.” It also means that if what Trent said is true, anything Caleb does now is effectively of Trent’s design, even killing him.

He doesn’t think Caleb would have gone anywhere near Trent & co without the M9. “The Mighty Nein--it took a long time--but they cracked Caleb open like a walnut.”

He thinks what Matt has done is much more murky than the simplicity of murder, such as the Briarwood arc. He can’t just exact his revenge now.

Liam says that the tempation to tinker with time is no longer as all-consuming as it was. He might still be tempted if Matt dangles a bunch of carrots in front of him, but he thinks that now it might be better to make sure that that kind of thing doesn’t happen anymore for anyone else (!!!). “It’s still a nugget in his brain and it’s still possible he could be tempted by the drug, but what he wanted in the beginning was entirely selfish, but now that the M9 are involved he owes it to them, to the people of the country, even on the Dynasty side--is so complex that if Caleb were to get that carrot and chase it, he would be risking everything.”

Ashley agrees that most of their choices are no longer black and white. Many of the situations feel more like real life. Liam agrees and says he’ll sometimes make decisions that he’s both really happy with and regrets at the same time. They both look forward to what Matt will reveal in Act 3.

Brian feels it’s tough to gauge how deep they are into what Matt’s planned for the campaign. Liam says that thanks to Matt’s skill, he really doesn’t know what Caleb wants right now.

Ashley agrees, and talks about how she created Yasha to have more to overcome than Pike. She loves what Matt’s doing in terms of allowing each of them to overcome more emotional hurdles than physical ones in this campaign.

Going back to Molly’s grave was very exciting for Ashley since she wasn’t able to be there when he died in the game & wanted to do what she could to honor him. Yasha, however, was very hesitant but knew what needed to be done. She’s not very open with her emotions, but both she & Ashley were stressed. They all could feel the energy in the studio & knew Matt was about to do something mind-blowing. Liam: “You could feel all the dust in the air coalescing around Taliesin.”

Brian trips over Eodwulf. Liam tries to help him find some pronunciation shortcuts. Ashley: “You say it so beautifully.” Brian: “Thank you.” Ashley: “Not you.”

Caleb knows how wickedly intelligent & ambitious Astrid is, and was heartened by the wavering he saw in her at the dinner. However, he can’t trust her until he knows why she’s where she is.

He really feels that if they’d had this dinner 60 episodes ago, Caleb might have tilted back along the evil axis and he would have had to retire the character. He had a playlist entirely for if Caleb turned evil and left the party.

The vision of Zuala was a huge deal for Yasha, even along every other instance she’s had of being mind-controlled, etc. “That’s guilt I think she will always carry with her, but at least she’s starting to forgive herself.” Losing the chains, sprouting wings again--Ashley reiterates that she didn’t know that was even a possibility, she just picked the skeletal wings because they were dope--were huge moments in the character development. Ashley’s glad Beau was there at the moment of the first flight; Ashley thinks of the quotation “Happiness is only beautiful when it’s shared,” and because Yasha tends to keep things very much to herself, having someone there to share it made it more impactful. “That was a cool moment. There’s been a lot of healing for Yasha these last episodes.”d

Ashley also says sometimes in that moment, when all eyes are on you in a one-on-one with Matt, everything goes muffled like Saving Private Ryan. “Wub wub wub.”

Dani feels that the only way she could even have the conversation with Zuala was to let her go in the first place.

Liam thinks one of the things that Yasha & Cad share is that still waters run deep. He loves how much Yasha hangs back sometimes, only to then reveal some new moment like the fighting pit. Apparently Ashley also has a knife collection, and uses that metal side of herself when she wants to let that new side of Yasha show.

Cosplay of the Week: Crystal Armstead (@riyuski on twitter) in a Reani cosplay. Beautiful!

How does Liam feel about the return to Rexxentrum? Very, very complicated. Caleb loves magic and lights up when he sees it, which is wrapped in the Soltryce Academy; he brought folks to the dance hall for the same reason, which was wanting the M9 to see the things that he loved about the city.

Yasha felt the same way about visiting the Chantry of the Dawn. It was a memory of a very traumatic moment (almost killing Beau), but given everything that’s happened between then and now it was cathartic to see again. There’s been a lot of healing in the past few weeks. It also felt like a physical representation of Yasha’s growth, the last time she was controlled against her will like that (or at least, until she was mind-controlled by Vokodo. Ashley sighs, aggrieved.)

Brian: “The tower really feels like a love letter from Caleb to his friends.” Liam: “It is, and a love letter from Liam to his friends.” When he looked at Caleb’s spell list, he remembered how amazing the mansion was in Campaign One and how many role-playing moments it led to and knew he wanted to incorporate it. However, he knew it could never be the same as Scanlan’s mansion because Caleb doesn’t have the same improvisational genius as Scanlan does. Liam has been “tinkering with this machine” for over a year, waiting for the moment to reveal it. He loves that he got a chance to see Jester’s room in time to have her tower room reflect reality. He’d discussed the tower extensively with Dani & Matt. Brian: “Hey! What am I, chopped--what’s the saying?” Ashley: “Chopped cabbage?”

Ashley marvels at the design of the dome. Liam talks about how Caleb knowing Caleb has been abused has been slowly getting better, but he also loves now being able to juxtapose that healing with his innate love of magic and how beautiful he finds it, how he loves to use magic as his artistry. The Soltryce Academy wasn’t “Welcome to DEATH SCHOOL,” it was the Sorbonne. It was amazing, everything he wanted. It was only one bad apple within that recruited him and turned it all bad.

Liam also points out how much it means in real life to be able to express his love and care for his friends in person too.

Ashley talks about how much she loves Yasha’s armor in a meta sense because it’s so cool and useful, and great for her armor class, but struggles with what it represents in game. She might not be able to let it go due to its sheer utility, and she may have to find an in-game reason to justify keeping it.

Ashley segues a moment into talking about her velvet top which apparently has a matching velvet scrunchie. She’s asked to demonstrate the scrunchie and ties her hair up in a way that I have never in my life seen someone do with a scrunchie before, and my hair’s been waist-length most of my life. I watch it again in slow motion. How did she DO that??

Caleb’s been looking for the right time to tell Jester about his past for a long time. She’s a good person and makes him feel like he might be capable of becoming a good person at the end, because that’s how she saw him. Liam knew from Laura that Jester wouldn’t condemn him, but Caleb put it off as long as possible. He also wanted to take the time to make sure Caduceus & Yasha knew the whole story too before they went to dinner with Trent.

Liam was also relieved to get it out, because he could never remember who knew and who didn’t, and now he doesn’t have to track it anymore. “Now we can move forward. Now we can heal wounds, maybe.”

Ashley feels Cad picks up a lot, more than most people realize. Yasha was really affected by Cad’s line: “Patience can be good, but it can lead to apathy.” She really feels it opened her eyes, and she appreciated the simplicity of him pointing out her hair’s growing back white again. Having a friend notice “hey, you’re changing for the better” really means a lot. She’s interested in seeing how this means things might change with Beau.

Dani points out that it also reinforced for Yasha that she can want things too--she can be patient and just continue to be with the group, as she’s wanted, but it’s okay to want more than that too. Ashley remembers Veth asking her what her purpose is. There’s a part of her that knows Yasha is still figuring that out, and she’s interested to see how Yasha will continue to change. She’s always spent her life serving somebody--the Sky Spear, Obann--and then even after she joined the M9, it was very centered on “what do you need, what does the group need, how can I help with our next job?” She’s going to have to take some time to figure out what she wants.

Fanart of the Week! Lovely Yasha & Beau flight art by @JMNP7888. The wings look amazing!

Brian: “One of the things we want to talk to you about, Liam, is about the Vokodo fight and the FUCKING disintegrate spell.”

Liam: “That was one of the most insane 60-90 seconds of gameplay that ever existed for the table, and definitely for me, in the entire history of the show. A lot of people think I just went, oh man, just bet it all on black. But what if I told you that...I Larkin’d the first 20 seconds of that fight and then at a quarter to midnight, I forgot that the reflection was a thing? I just forgot it was a thing! I spent that whole battle thinking I’m just here to banish things. I might buff my friends a little bit, maybe I’ll counterspell, but I’m just here to banish. And it didn’t work and it didn’t work and then it did! Finally it did and Jester made it work and then he was GONE. And then everyone got greedy and it was done but we brought him BACK. And it was a quarter to midnight and I’m not an animatronic D&D lesson machine, I’m just a guy playing D&D at 11:45 at night, and he came back and everyone started Goodfellas circling him and kicking him, and Beau & Yasha are gonna kill him, and then it’s my turn? Disintegrate! And then the room was quiet, and then time passed, and Matt asked, you really cast Disintegrate? And I said yes, of course, and Matt started rolling dice, and in the back of my head I started wondering why he asked if I was rolling Disintegrate. Oh no. In the back of my brain, I was like, well, just tell him that’s not what you did. Tell him you didn’t remember the reflection thing. But he’s already rolling dice! You can’t take it back now. Hold on a second. I’m going to take you on the journey I went through. I was thinking: you have a spell save of 17. This thing wasn’t that fast. +1, +2, maybe? Anything under 14 is okay. That’s 70%. 70%. That’s okay, right? And still no one said anything to tip me off that I was in ELDRITCH MADNESS at that point, no one said anything about the reflection! And then I realize it can reflect back on us, and I realize this is...disintegrate. And then I started becoming morbidly, macabre-ly fascinated at the puppet dance of death I had created. Well, this is a mess. I have made a mess. Let’s just sit in it. And somehow, nonsensically, spectacularly, it worked out in my favor. I went home that night and I got in bed next to my wife, who was fast asleep, and I stared at the ceiling going, dude. Duuuuuuuude. Duuuuuuuuuude.”

He apparently also told his therapist about this and how terrible it was and how close he “danced myself to the precipice like a crazy person!” Marisha (as told by Liam): “Epic roll, though.”

Matt told Liam that night that if it had been reflected, it would have gone back on him. “If a player throws an M80 in the middle of a room, it would reflect on that player who threw it.”

Ashley talks about how interesting that Yasha is not performative, and yet has been doing these public performances with the harp. It’s a great experiment for Ashley--Yasha doesn’t like the attention, but feels like she is making something beautiful for the world.” She’s trying to change something about how she views herself & her place in the world. She was raised to be a weapon for the Sky Spear, but she’s also extremely gentle and loves flowers & beautiful music, and the further away she’s gotten from the tribe, she’s falling in love with gentle, beautiful things. 

Liam also points out it easy (real, but simplistic) to make an entire character centered around a single personality trait: “I’m angry all the time. I’m sad all the time.” He thinks it’s more realistic to see nuance in personality.

Liam can see some paths for Caleb to find peace & do good. He doesn’t know if Caleb is conscious of those. He thinks it’s a huge step forward to admit he was molded in this direction at all and that it wasn’t all his choice, but doesn’t know if this is the same possibility as redemption.

He also mentions Essek in this answer: there was/is attraction there, both intellectual and physical--the forehead kiss was a big marker of that--and he’s interested in seeing where that goes because he’s invested in Essek’s redemption arc on its own, but Essek is not as high on the list as other things Caleb/the M9 need to work on. He loved the “high spy times” of the Essek arc and the tangled-up-ness of feelings getting involved at the same time as intense commitment to duty.

Liam always felt Matt would bring Molly back in some aspect, even though Caleb always demurred because he doesn’t believe in fate. Dani and Brian agree that this is the start of a new act.

Ashley cried at the Vilya reunion. She thought that was an incredible moment and was so glad to see Keyleth. Liam: “Keyleth as part of our story is everything to me. That story is really important to me, so getting just a glimpse of her again was so important to me.” They could all see how that affected Marisha & how special it was to her. Liam: “It was such a great note in her song or color in her painting. She achieved magnificent things and was powerful and great, but had a very heartbreaking and sad ending, so to have this sliver of joy go back in is so complex and beautiful and masterfully done.”

Aaaaaaand that’s all for tonight! Remember, no Critical Role this week. Talks will be back in two weeks. As always, don’t forget to love each other. <3