#so maybe i'll continue to be more optimistic about art once i get my brain chemicals balanced out a bit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leadendeath · 10 months

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mental health problems and art rant who giv a shit

i've done toony styles before throughout my long time in doing art, and i really want to continue drawing toony styles now.

i feel like i have to strive to make my art look as good as possible, but that's a sisyphean task. i haven't been having fun with art, it's a chore.

i feel like it shows i've been trying too hard. with furry side of things, i've been trying to learn to draw lots of different species- all which takes time. and different body types- which takes time, too- mainly muscle, which is really hard to make it look right, and i think you need to actually learn in-depth anatomy and study equally in-depth diagrams n stuff to really succeed. sucks when you can't draw something you like ://

i've been trying to get better at all these things for 2-3 years, and i haven't seen progress. it's not exactly encouraging.

but when i stop trying with those things? it's like a relief. maybe in more time i'll find a balance between what i call "technical" (meaning muscle, basically) and "toony".

am i being lazy? probably. i can't help but feel like i am. but i'm actually having a good time now. so i don't know if i care :)

#this perfectionism i have is hell #ive always known art is a compulsion for me- i literally am not able to quit even if i wanted to-#but im really realizing Now just how tied to 0cd it actually is #im coming out about having that more; i told a friend the name of the disorder (By Name) for the first time the other day #and it feels weirdly better... like getting it off your chest yknow #im going to a specialist in a few weeks about the disorder im coming to terms with having :)!#because hopefully this is obvious but it causes unbearable repetitive thoughts + problems other than whining about my art skills LOL #and there's no distraction its too much this is just 1 comparitively smaller part of it (just had to clarify on that lol)#i NEVER make drs appointments and ive never had real therapy or any other help (apart from several Wrong meds in the past) so this is BIG #so maybe i'll continue to be more optimistic about art once i get my brain chemicals balanced out a bit #i didnt realise before now either that 0cd's linked to a chemical called noradrenaline WHICH IS LINKED TO YOUR DOPAMINE LEVELS... oh my god #it's all low dopamine? always has been.#still aiming for a ɑdhd diagnosis/assessment but for now this is something #and at least in my country 0cd is easier to get treatment for than ɑdhd #art talk #and more wow what a deal

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