#so many men are questionably hygienic and while she doesn’t hate it when she actually likes the person she’s not doing it for some rando

[xo-dailypier-blog]

this is not a recap;

     hey cumguzzlers,

It has come to my attention that Lady X took it upon herself to rate the nether regions of the men of Santa Monica. Unfortunately her assessment was BIASED and hardly based on facts. So as a JOURNALIST, I have taken it upon myself to get to the TRUTH. Today will be a Top 9 list of the men in this town, and their BEDROOM PERFORMANCES.

I’m not revealing actual sizes, because I firmly believe that it’s all about the motion of the ocean. And if you think I’m giving a run down on every SCRUB in this town, you’re out of your mind! I WISH I could have made this a Top 10 but most of the guys on Lady X’s assessment, have already been exposed in the fuck hut tapes during Summer Crush, and honestly? Don’t even make the cut for the top 5. Like, we KNOW the #DemonDick is low-key worth the hype (BUT YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE HELLO? IT RUINED TWO RELATIONSHIPS IN LIKE THE SPAN OF A DAY! AND IM SURE THE BUCK DOESNT STOP THERE!), and we GET IT, Adam has a massive ROD, and I’m sure (Power Top) Asher, his brother, isn’t that far off. Vic IS well endowed AND can make things EROTIC. And we all know about Jack, who is also well endowed but has, like, erectile dysfunction or whatever. Oh, and don’t forget Daddy Sorrentino is obvs a beast in the sheets, but I’ve been telling you guys that since, like, ever. And I’m honestly on a Jamie/Cunty Sabbatical atm, they’re going through a difficult time after Cunty cheated, so who really needs their dick-info broadcasted on top of all that, ya know? (Cunty deff comes in at an alleged 9 inches, which is bigger than Jamie, BUT he (Cunty) never uses his junk on Jamie because, like Asher, Jamie is a Power Top. (but you didn’t hear this from me). Look, if any guy is left off the list that you have interest in, like, just ask Phobe. I’m sure she’ll know.

But before we get started, Congratulations are in order! You guys voted on Hottie of the Moment, and we have a winner!

It’s none other than Miss Fraudi Zirconium herself (@heidistarks​) The queen of bargains has stormed onto the scene in her Wild Fable Couture and has CAPTIVATED the hearts of all Santa Monicans. In honor of her win, I am giving everyone a $25 gift card to Claire’s! If you go to their website and use offer code SharkThot, you too, can get the Heidi Look. When asked about her recent accomplishment she had this to say:

"It's about fucking time." - Fraudi Zirconium Stark, 2019

Congratulations, again Fraudi! You go girl, work that Forever 21 tracksuit, bitch!

NINE - ALEC CLARKE @alecxclarke​

One of the wangs in question that Lady X TOUCHED ON was Alec Clarke. She mentioned that Alec was more than likely LACKING in the his SOUTHERN MEAT DEPARTMENT. So obvs i had a BONE to pick with this assessment because Alec’s fan base is GETTING UP there with Jamie Carter’s so we have to know what he got in them jeans. Sadly ... while his junk is fine. His way around the bedroom is is abysmal, I honestly thought it was a PHALL-ACY but one girl who is one of his past flings, wrote to me after seeing Lady X’s post. She has asked to remain anonymous...

Hey DP (and Lady X),

I saw your post about Alec and you’re wrong about his size. He’s actually pretty girthy and lengthy or whatever. But he is honestly one of my worst encounters. We met on a dating app, that shall remain nameless. So fast forward to sexy time, and once we started making out it was a tragedy! No tongue, no passion. It was like kissing a mcfucking corpse! His lips were like, so dry, but, whatever, that’s not the problem. Once I started giving him a blow jay he just randomly burst into tears, and said he couldn’t do it anymore, and asked if I wanted to play fucking Yahtzee. I left and bought Listerine. I think you should look into if he is like this with all the girls, instead of his size. Bc that’s the real tea. Anyways, Love the Blog! Kisses!

Its always such a disappointment when this happens. OBVIOUSLY our HoneyBun Alec has some issues to work on. I know he has a Crazy life but I didn’t think things were this HARD for him.

Overall Rating: N/A

Favorite Position: Again, N/A. I could hardly find girls who’ve had sex with him ................. INCHresting. (Ok, that was the last one).

Downside: I mean, Hello? He breaks out in tears mid-coitus! He IS the downside!

Alec! Write into us with your side of the story! I prom (half a promise) that I won’t believe the rumors. Love ya, Honey Bun!

EIGHT - SKYLER DAVIS @skylerxdavis​

No idea where Lady X got the idea that he had the biggest LOVE MISSLE in town, but it is absolutely FALSE. And in fact, what I’ve heard about his performance in the bedzzzZzZzZzzzzzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzZzZzzzz ZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Overall Rating: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Favorite Position: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Downside: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Alleged Body Count: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

SEVEN - NOAH SINCLAIR @nhsinclair​

So next on the list is Noah Sinclair. This one will be brief, because it really threw me for a loop. So I’m sorry to report, that Noah has a Chode. I know. I’m actually crying while typing this but this is only the word on the street, so take it with a grain of salt.

“Darla” (fake name) wrote in to my blog to refute Lady X’s claims. She writes:

I’ve had half way sex with Noah one time and when he dropped his pants I literally laughed. Not to body shame or whatever, but I, like, couldn’t have sex with him because the condom didn’t fit. Sorry, didn’t have a Trojan Jr readily available? He’s good with his hands though.

So Noah has made the list in a sad and unfortunate entry. So ladies if you want Noah to DIP his NUGGET in YOUR sauce, you better make your move!

Maybe this is why he got that divorce. Ugh, poor Natasha. Let’s hope this is all a rumor, I would hate for it to be true.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (The hand thing is kind of important).

Favorite Position: Noah’s Nugget Number (No clue what this means, ask Diana or Natasha).

Downside: There is no downside if you, like myself, are privy to a good Nugget or two. #RanchPlease

MOVING ON!

SIX - LOGAN LANCASTER @loganlancaster​

Our next entry is none other than Long Dick Logan Lancaster. According to Lady X, Logan is average. Well I’m here to let you know that, thankfully, LDL lives up to his name (no nuggets here!). But you guys would have to get with him to truly find out how #blessed he is.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Alligator Fuckhouse, according to sources. (DON’T Google it, live in ignorance).

Downside: The only reason, ya boi has gotten 4 stars instead of 5 is because of the rumors surrounding his hygiene. As we know, there’s been a debate on the internet about washing your legs. And Logan, an able bodied man, doesn’t do that. Nor does he take showers the way that he should. Many girls who’ve been with him have complained of smelling the stinch of onions and mildew while ENGAGING with him. Others have complained of a SALTY taste while going down on him. Most of the girls he’s BANGED have all been in the junkyard of his Auto Shop or whatever so maybe it’s a fetish for them? That’s no excuse for bringing that nasty ass behavior to every other girl in Santa Monica.

Thankfully a bunch of you have been sending body wash to his shop, so maybe we can LanCAST the mustiness away (If this is true).

Logan, please write in, I need to know the truth. But other than that, the dick is BOMB! But make sure you don’t over-do it on B.J. part though, sodium intake is v important and you wouldn’t want to get hypertension suckling on his salty ass COCK.

FIVE - EMRE YOGIOH @emre--yavuz

Ok, so next on the list is Emre Yugoslavia (or whatever his name is). Ok so ... buckle in ladies.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Lion King (I’m serious, don’t Google these things).

Downside: Ok, so Emre is supposedly into bondage. Which totally makes sense since he’s like, repressed from childhood. The whole missing sister thing really took a toll on his psych, since he’s parents totes forgot about him. Now he YEARNS for control. So the word is that he’s basically Christian Grey but not a literal abuser. He’s into bondage, slapping, SPITTING, choking, flogging, and whips and chains EXCITE HIM. An S&M Daddy! Now the only reason this is in the Downside section is because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Some girls find it disturbing, and others are totes into it. I’m the latter! Sign me the FUCK up! Choke me with those strong REPRESSED hands.

I noticed he and Olivia have been friendly recently, let’s hope she knows that she’ll be walking side to side after a night with him (no, but like, because of the flogging, not the dick). Once he’s done with those spread sheets at his hoity-toity big boy job, spread sheets take on a whole new meaning once the dawn comes. You go Emre Yahooligan! #callme

FOUR - DEVIN FLORES @devinxflores

First of all, I just want to give a big thanks to all of you for letting me call him Devin TORRES for the past few MONTHS like a complete MORON! I really appreciate you guys letting me disgrace the future KING of Santa Monica in such a terrible way! No really, you guys are the best. I love my fans <3.

Anyways, it’s well known that Devin and his Alaskan Bull Worm have burrowed through the city. Both the men and women alike have survived the DF experience, with ZERO complaints .... well, except for one ...

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Charizard (ONCE again, don’t Google. Just know that it involves fire ... And we aint talking about lighting no candles (which he allegedly seems to enjoy, how romantic!)).

Downside: As we have witnessed, Devin is a complete and total klutz! He is always getting himself into a bullshit that is literally all his fault. Didn’t he glue something to his head a few weeks ago -- actually, you know what? That’s not important. What I was getting at is, the main complaint about DaddyDevinFLORES is that during SACX the klutz JUMPS OUT. He has been rumored to have smacked his head on the headboard whilst switching positions (causing him to go UNCONSCIOUS for SEVERAL HOURS, which completely RUINS the mood). One of his Encounters even claimed that during a Romantic Toast of Wine, he clinked the glass so hard it broke and and SHARDS of GLASS went into his hands, causing him to bleed INSTANTLY. What the fuck, Devin?

How could someone who can handle balls so well out on the soccer court, not be able to handle them in the bedroom without accidentally falling out of a window in the process?

Ladies and Gents, much like Emre, Devin will have you walking Side to Side, but if it happens you might be suffering from brain damage after falling in the shower whilst trying to have sex with him. Please seek professional help immediately.

THREE - BERNBERN<3 @carverberncrd

Coming in at Number 3 is none other than Heidi’s personal play thing! We’ve seen his bulge through his Under Armour spanks, so Of Course I had to do a little research to find out the Lipton on HIS heat-seeker. I’ve reached out to his past flings and came to a general consensus.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The women I interviewed all confirmed he is an excellent LAY, so once again, I was right. BernBern<3 outsold your favs.

Favorite Position: Doggystyle (obvi)

Downside: He’s a Taurus so while he will indeed fuck you into a state of paralysis, it’s only to reach his Hedonistic Quota for the evening. He probs won’t even remember your name once he’s done, let alone learn it in the first place. So don’t get attached<3.

His star sign also explains his relationship with Fraudi. Not only are they both so annoyingly stubborn, but Two tops can rarely make it in a relationship. Just ask Ash — never mind. (Omg, btw Idk WHY everyone keeps asking. YES, the rumors are true! BernBern<3 gets pegged, but only by Heidi, it’s actually a testament to his masculinity and how he’s reached the apex of it at this point. But this is all old tea. So I guess Julian isn’t the only #DemonDick in the Stark Fam, Surprise?). Anyways, I ship them, but they get on my fucking nerves! They can’t even admit their undying love for each other, which is so obvious. But this isn’t about #Berni (working ship name), BernBern<3 has a massive COCK (and heart) and it has landed itself on the Top of the list.

TWO - SINRIQUE @itsenriqueaguilar

This one came as a surprise to me because I have no idea who this is. But yalls asses do! So here we have Enrique Aguilar, coming in at number 2 because of the OUTPOUR of receipts on the TALLY WACK ATTACK that he PACKS.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: You know, there wasn’t a general consensus, he’s a man FULL of surprises.

Downside: No, you don’t understand, there is literally no downside. Look, here is a letter from one of the women he’s slept with. For reasons, you will understand REAL soon, this person has been kept anonymous.

Dear DP,

It’s been approximately 1 year, two months, 9 days, 5 hours, and 46 seconds since I Locked Eyes with Enrique from across a crowded room. That night would go to be on of the most invigorating, tantalizing, and romantic experiences of my life. But when I woke up the following morning HE was gone. I long for the day I see him again. My heart Aches at the thought of him with another women. Giving her the same love that HE gave to ME. I need you to understand that I was a grade A student at my university (4.0). I had an paid internship at an elite institution that OWULD HAVE LED ME INTO A PROMISING CAREER! BUT AFTER THAT NIGHT I BECAME RAVENOUS. I NEEDED MORE. AND IT CONSUMED ME! EVENTUALLY I LOST MY INTERN BECAUSE I STOPPED SHOWING UP! I FLUNKED OUT OF SCHOOL BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE. I SEARCHED YOU ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA BUT I COULDN’T FIND YOU! ENRIQUE I NEED YOU BACK IN MY LIFE! JUST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT! PEASE I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE! CALL ME AT [redacted]

Obviously Ivy, sent this in ... kidding (But honestly though? They did used to date, which ... yikes ... Good to know Daddy Rique has no standards, maybe we all have a chance. #shade #clapback #scalpt)

Anyways, I’ll have to keep an eye on this one, he seems to have a good head on his shoulders ... AND good head on his shoulders OKURRRRRR!!!

ONE - SEBASTIAN DELGADO @bashdelgado

That nerd that sat in the back of the classroom brainstorm his next nerdy ass invention with high-watered khakis, and orthopedic shoes in like, the ninth grade (because he was focused on Arch Support???????). That’s him, Sebastian Delgado. And Baby Daddy Bash has DITCHED the NERD LOOK and is now ready to SNATCH YOUR CAT BACK.

I’m sure everyone is just surprised as I am. But hey, they don’t call him “Bash” for nothing (except for the fact that it’s a shortened version of his name). He’s totes Bashing Puss with his MONSTROUS MEAT TRUNCHEON (and Buss?? Sebastian contact me about your sexuality).  

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Missionary, he’s a man of passion and likes to stare DEEP into your eyes. #swoon #romantic #westan

Downside: Well if you HATE Love and AFFECTION, this one is not the one for you. Not only does he have a GINORMOUS, UN-NUGGETED MEAT SEPTOR/LAP ROCKET/VAGINA MINER, which, by the way, last a LONG time, He is EXCELLENT BOYFRIEND Material! He’s caring, patient, kind, resourceful, loyal, and he is well on his way to becoming a multi-millionaire -- which is NOT the reason he is number one! Money is not the goal here ladies (and guys? Seriously Sebastian, I need to know what’s up).  

Sebastian is the complete package and he has ALL of the other guys in this town QUAKING!

So Stan A True Man. Stan .... Sebastian.

And that, my friends, ends the TRUE tea on the wangs in this town. This was fun while it lasted, but I have some COCKtails that need my attention (ok, maybe THAT was the last one).

xo, DP

[animatedpileofbones]

DA q's!! 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 11, 14, 17, 25, 33, 34, 37, 40, 42, 47, 51, 52, 60, 63, 66, 77, 78, 79, 98, and 99~! (◠‿◠✿)

eli i love you man here we go, this is long sorry but i have a Lot To Say! i literally wrote like 1500 words for these so it’s under a readmore.

1 how did you get into dragon age

i was on tumblr when inquisition came out and a lot of my friends and mutuals at the time suddenly became dragon age blogs for a while (some still are, howdy!) yEARS later i found origins on discount at gamestop and decided to check it out and whoops now i’m a fucking mess forever :)

4 about my warden(s)

My first, and most recently rehashed* warden was Gwinek, she was a casteless dwarf rogue, dual wielder. I didn’t know there were specific temperaments in this game like in 2 but I play her as gruff but fiercely loyal. She would do almost anything for her friends and sister, but is very naive in matters of magic. She romanced Leliana.

*rehashed because I came to the series completely blind, and as such made some not so great choices the first time around.

I also have an elven mage, named Lemmen, she was also a big helpy helperton but slow to trust. She romanced Alistair and I don’t like to think about that sacrifice. :’)

5 about my hawke(s)

My first Hawke was Marcel, a dual wielding rogue and I played him purple. He is big into his friends, obviously, but mostly just wants to be liked despite the fact that he is accidentally an asshole sometimes. He romanced Fenris. All my Hawkes romance Fenris. I love Fenris just so much and I keep telling myself one of these times I’m going to romance Isabela but then Fenris walks in all drama and vengeance and I’m just too gay to handle it. My latest Hawke was Lucien, a… purple dual-wielding rogue. He erred on the side of blue, though, whereas Marcel was vaguely red, so. Not Entirely the same but view my problem, especially going into...

6 about my inquisitor(s)

My first inquisitor was Vodahl Cadash, a… dwarven dual-wielding rogue. :) He was pretty anti-chantry but was also more invested in taking care of his crew than making enemies, preferring to let Josephine handle PR and just say what she told him to say while he supported his team as he saw fit. He lived for life on the road, mostly, an adventurer type, but whatever his inner circle needed, they got. He romanced The Iron Bull, because I’m a thirsty thirsty bitch. I rehashed the dwarven rogue in Heraht, this time romancing Dorian; Heraht was much more enamored with surface life, not necessarily Ferelden-style though. He was well manicured and a bit on the sarcastic side of charming. Right now i’m playing a human sword-and-shield warrior, Errol Travellyan, and he is accidentally just Dorian But From The Free Marches in personality. He can be easily frustrated, I play him fairly no nonsense at times but he’s trying to maintain his Approachable Facade. He’s…. also romancing Dorian OH NO

7 favorite origins backstory

Oooh this is tough because I love Leliana so much, and Alistair just makes me cry all the time I Love That Man, ooh this is tough but I think I have to say Morrigan. She is a story gift that keeps on giving, and I think this is because of what we learned in Inquisition. Without that info, I think… OH NO WAIT IT’S SHALE, HANDS DOWN IT’S SHALE

11 best hawke quote

it’s not specifically a quote but when you bring the viscount’s son back in act 1 and you can either keep your mouth shut about their disagreement or Well Actually yourself into that conversation, that’s my favorite.

14 favorite origins party combo

Before you get Shale, it’s Alistair, Leliana, and the dog. After Shale, it’s Shale, Leliana, and either Zevran or Alistair.

17 mabari name

In Origins, I named the mabari after a person from the backstory. For Gwinek it was Leske to keep her friend with her even now. For Lemmen it was Jowan, because at least the mabari would never let her down. In DA2, it was a family pet, so for Marcel it was named Champion, and for Lucien it was Handsome Cal, and you can envision all sorts of titles in there but I didn’t have enough characters. Lord Handsome Cal Esquire III (he was the first)

25 favorite inquisition place

It’s the Hissing Wastes for sure. It’s always dusk, it’s so vast and beautiful. I love just hanging out there.

33 favorite dragon age character overall

Hey Eli? I hate this question! I am doing my current playthrough solely for the benefit of Leliana this is true. But I have a horrible weakness for two (2) men, Fenris and The Iron Bull, I can’t choose between them, and also Varric, and, asdlfjasdf how could you do this to me? I also identify very heavily with Dorian, and, I’m going to just cry instead of answer this, how about that?

34 least favorite character

Oh it’s Anders no doubt, no question, I hate him. I hate him so much. Like don’t get me wrong, I am in full support of mages taking back their space in Thedas, I just. Have known guys like Anders and the way he hits on f!Hawke like immediately after his intro quest, y’know where we had to kill his boyfriend? felt so bad and just turned my mild irritation into full-on hate.

37 blood magic yes/no

Nope.

40 moment/action i regret in game

Just like everything with the ending of Origins. I don’t prefer to do the ritual with Morrigan because I tend to play women which means I need to coerce Alistair into doing it and I did that for exactly two savestates (one being my Cousland because I wanted to see how that went and then the first time around with Gwinek) thinking “this is the best long term post-game choice! Neither of us have to die! And I’m not even making him be king!” despite it sitting bitterly in the back of my mind the rest of the series. then comes Inquisition and the full consequences of my actions hit me like a brick in the face and I eventually scrapped that playthrough and went back and didn’t be a shithead shitbag, replaying Gwinek entirely so that choice wouldn’t have even begun to make sense to her. I regret that so much.

42 who do i wish i could romance

VARRIC “PARAGON OF MANLINESS” TETHRAS

47 best antagonist

Arl Rendon Howe from Origins, cos he was voiced by Tim Curry and that was just so sexy of a choice. In all seriousness though, Meredith from da2.

51 favorite warden/hawke/inq headcanon any/all

Lucien Hawke routinely had sleepovers at his estate in Hightown. He tried to a couple times while living with Gamlen, but everyone was too sad to indulge him.

Heraht nearly breaks up with Dorian on a near weekly basis whenever Dorian accidentally lumps him in with the Fereldens re: hygiene. Also, not a headcanon but just the way I played but the two of them absolutely had coordinating outfits at all times.

Gwinek shared tents with Wynne most nights, finding in Wynne the mother she wished she and Rica would have had.

Also with Gwinek, she may have helped her sister’s paramour become king but she doesn’t trust him half as far as she can throw him and comes down to Orzammar on the regs to make sure he’s treating Rica right, and he knows damn well that Gwinek put him into that throne and she Will take him back out of it, and he can’t do shit without risking absolute chaos. 

This is also a good time to mention my ot3s: Hawke/Fenris/Isabela, Heraht/Dorian/Bull

52 favorite npc headcanons

Fenris took to reading rather easier than Hawke would have guessed, only Hawke didn’t know just how well Fenris had taken to it until years into their relationship because Fenris thought the “lessons” were cute.

The Iron Bull introduced hot cocoa to Skyhold and literally changed so many lives in that moment; quartermaster Morris pulled so many strings to get marshmallows in, and when they arrived the first time the celebration was almost a riot.

60 who do i wish had been given more story

Weird to say for the woman who had her own Origins DLC and also was pivotal in Inquisition, but Morrigan. She’s just really interesting to me. Also, Warden Stroud. I think he was just there to be the Easy Low Stakes Choice to leave in the Fade honestly but I hated not having a reason to care about him. I didn't play any da2 dlc tho.

63 best story moment

This is tough? I enjoyed the landsmeet in origins. I think most of da2 was great story. Except Orsino obviously. I think I’m just going to point to all of da2. Yeah.

66 something i hate about any of the games

it can’t seem to decide how it feels about the qunari. also that there are characters that absolutely are not straight that the writers decided Actually, Despite Everything, They Are Straight Actually :’)

77 what moment/memory still gives me chills/feels

Definitely definitely Dorian’s confrontation with his dad. That was so well acted, I felt that pain and betrayal so viscerally. It hurts every time. As for a different brand of chills, y’know when if you seduce The Iron Bull and stuff finally starts happening there, and he lifts the inquisitory by the wrists in One Hand and remember I was playing a dwarf, oo golly that shit is All I Need In Life

78 what am i hoping for in da4

More magic and Old Gods and stuff! More Morrigan? Familiar faces!

79 what am i worried about for da4

Familiar faces! :’) Also just so heavyhanded “morally gray” issues that is actually just bad edgy writing. Worried we will be racelocked like in 2 :(

98 if i could be any non human da species which/why

Dwarf, because halflings don’t exist in thedas and dwarves are fairly industrious as a culture

99 where would i live

Despite what I just said, I would probably live somewhere in the Free Marches! Kirkwall ended up pretty fucked and I am absolutely biased because da2 was my favorite.

[mashalocked-blog]

[Translation] Talking FM - 21 Oct 2017

Masha talks about taxes, rocket travel, guitar recommendations, real estate, and so much more. 

Credits to elegantias on Facebook for their Chinese translations!

Songs played: Sou ~new love new world~, jazz and Hepburn and you, Kazoku ni Narou yo, Nagareboshi, Sanctuary

LINK TO SUBTITLES DOWNLOAD

~

Full transcript:

It’s been a month since the House of Representatives was suddenly dissolved, tomorrow is election day. It all depends on the choice of the voters, your vote matters! Let’s vote! Good afternoon, let’s create a new world in our lives! I’m Fukuyama Masaharu! Yes, tomorrow is election day, of course I’ll be voting! Your vote can change the future of Japan! The opening song is Fukuyama Masaharu’s ‘Sou ~new love new world~’! 21 October 2017, 2pm. I'm Fukuyama Masaharu. This election is said to be the most intense one in recent times. Tomorrow is election day, I normally cast my vote on an earlier date, I think it should be the same this time too…? Actually, today’s broadcast is pre-recorded. In this election, young people can participate in voting too, it’s the first election to accept votes from 18/19 years old voters. How will it turn out? I: At that age, I didn’t have any interest in voting. Honestly speaking, me too! I was such a fool, so when I started paying high taxes, I wondered, “Ah, I have to pay so much, I clearly received so much royalties but why do I have to pay so much in taxes?” I: Did you discover it during ‘Good night’? Not yet! I: Not yet? I didn’t have to pay so much tax yet during ‘Good night’. I: So, you realised during ‘Sakurazaka’? The amount of taxes then was so high!! Although I was surprised when I received so much money, I was even more shocked when I had to pay taxes. But to live in Japan, I have to pay these taxes. So, it became the first time I thought of the question, “What are my taxes being used on?” Of course, there are many people who pay more taxes than me, but I don’t really know much about that. I learnt that taxes are used on security, culture and basic social security. I thought, “If I stay in this country, I’ll receive a pension.” But times have changed, and it makes no difference even if I’m no longer staying in Japan, although there was such a system in the past. Social security is just a number, and it doesn’t represent much. But if people get retrenched, where do they go and live after their 50s? I’ve thought of this problem before, including this problem in Japan itself. I’ve mentioned before that Fukuoka and Sendai are good choices. I: In these times, no matter where a musician goes, he can still continue working. Yes, he can still work. Also, where should the registered place of residence be moved to? A person can consider constantly changing the place by immigrating overseas, occasionally returning to Japan. What will my relationship with Japan be like then? I’ve thought a lot about problems like these. Today’s show will feature “I’m sorry, mother” letters from all over the country. This goes hand in hand with the new single, titled “I’m sorry, mother”… (t/n: a joke, please don’t go searching for this) The “I’m sorry, mother” plan, will it ever be realised? Anyway, there are many letters from mothers too, from all over Japan. Please look forward to it! Also, we will do a mass sending out of stickers from this show today. Just tell us the two keywords that we will mention in this broadcast, and you might win the stickers! We’re going to send out 99 stickers! Ah? We’ve already decided on 99 stickers? Why? I: Because today is the 99th broadcast of the show. Eh? Really? It’s the 100th episode the next week? The first keyword is ‘I’m sorry, mother’. The second keyword will be announced later, please listen carefully! 21 October, the mass giveaway of 99 stickers! It’s the season of holidays, if it takes only 35 minutes to go to New York, will you try it? I just saw this news recently. I: This is a plan from an American space development company, SpaceX. It has plans to use rockets as international transport for passengers. From Tokyo to New York, it’ll take only 35 minutes. The highest speed is 27000km/hr, but when this will be released hasn’t been announced yet. I know, but why does it only take 35 minutes? I don’t get it. After take-off, will we reach after turning around a few corners? I: Because the Earth is spinning too. Since the Earth is spinning too, that’s really convenient isn’t it? I: Just 35 minutes. But the businessmen in Tokyo and New York will be very busy. The 10 hours spent on an international flight are very important, it’s a time when no one bothers you. Recently, I travelled to Venice and San Sebastian for international film festivals. In the past, I thought taking a 11, 12 hours flight to Frankfurt was a long time… but I think it’s such a short time now! I do this and that, then I sleep. The schedule is too tight. “Ah!! I’m going to reach! My private time is over!” It feels very short. It felt long in the past, since I could sleep again and again and wake up to find that I haven’t arrived yet. Nowadays, my thoughts on this have changed. I: So even if this rocket is put into use, you’ll still… I’ll still consider it, since I can reach New York in 35 minutes. I can adapt to the time difference on the first day and start working the next day, perhaps I’ll schedule it this way. But although humans often say they’ll make full use of the time when they’re at a meeting, they’ll turn around and say, “If anything happens, we can have a few reserve days.” The schedule becomes like this! The world is annoying like this! There’s advantages and disadvantages to this. Fuji-kun from Kanagawa Prefecture, male, 39 years old: I’ll be going for the males-only concert this year! M: Thank you! Every year, I look forward to it. \NM: Thanks, please bring a hundred friends too. I’m writing this letter because there’s something I cannot understand. My daughter is entering high school this year, and she says she wants to buy a guitar. M: It’s SHISHAMO! (t/n: high school Japanese band) Fujiwara Sakura! She says she wants to buy a guitar, but I don’t know how to choose. I thought it would be best to ask Masha, do you have any guitar recommendations for girls? Honestly, a guitar maniac’s answer would be the old Yamaha FG series. It was produced in the 70s, the tone is great and it’s cheap. You can buy it at 4/5/60,000 yen. But you have to spend some time to repair most of them, such as the fret wire and the nut. So, it adds up to around 7/80,000 yen since you have to spend a bit more. But I feel that rather than buying a new guitar at 100,000 yen, it’s better to buy a guitar from the 70s, it’s even better if you get one from the 60s. If you buy the Yamaha FG series, you still have to repair it later, so you’ll spend around the same amount of money. But the tone is much better. A while ago, I went to Music Station and talked to Yuzu’s Iwasawa Koji. Iwasawa is still using the Yamaha FG series guitar, an old one. It's an amazing guitar. Kazuyan from Gunma Prefecture, male, 47 years old: I wrote this letter because I wanted to ask for your opinion. I’m the same age as you, but my daughter is currently 14 years old, in the 2nd grade in junior high. As the years go by, we talk less and less each year. She seems to be very impatient. “Hey, daughter, do you hate your dad?! What do you hate about me? You’ve got to tell me what you’re unhappy about! Isn’t that right, her mother?” She says my general cleanliness is terrible, so I drank and cried the whole night away (actually it’s a lie). M: Kazuyan, honestly, you can do without the lie… I want to become cleaner, but I don’t know how to do that. I’m just a normal office worker, there’s nothing visibly weird about me. So even if I want to become cleaner, I don’t know what I should do to make others feel that I’m clean. I think you give off a fresh/clean feeling, so what should I take note of to seem like a clean person to others? Please give me advice since we’re the same age, thank you. Kazuyan, it’s the hair on your nape and near your ears, what is it called? Anyway, these two places have to give off a clean feeling. Imanami, did you cut your hair today? I: I did. As long as you cut the hair on your nape, you’ll seem clean. Also, the feeling that the skin gives off to other people - skin shouldn’t be dry, your face shouldn’t be too oily too. What should you do then? The older you get, the more important your hairstyle becomes. I don’t like my hairstyle too. Actually, I want to get an even shorter haircut. I: Shorter than now? I want to get a really short haircut. I: Like a kariage? (t/n: kariage = sides shaved, short back hairstyle) A kariage doesn’t fit me, I don’t want it. I want to get a shorter fringe though. I’m only allowing my fringe to grow this long because of CFs and dramas, since a long fringe can form many hairstyles. Actually, I don’t normally do my hair. I honestly don’t like my fringe. Ah, besides this, there’s the nails too. Imanami, can I see your nails? Don’t pick your nails, I’ve told you before. I: Don’t you feel like picking at your nails? Definitely not! It’s because I don’t pick my nails, so I put nail protection cream. Taking care of your nails can help you maintain your hygiene, especially for middle-aged men. I want to do something about my toenails too, it often grows crookedly. I: The ends often split. Yes, yes! I: And then I’ll pick at it. I told you not to do that. I: After I pull it out, it’ll grow back. You can’t pick at it. The ends of your toenails are too white, it looks like a fossil. I: That’s right. It’s like excavating fossils. My hands can’t touch some of my toenails… I really want to do something about them… it’s better to go to a beautician. The you who lives in Tokyo, do you think Tokyo is a good place to live in? Recently, a study examined the economy and liveability statistics of 44 cities around the world and ranked them. Tokyo got 3rd place for 2 years straight. I: The 2nd place for these 2 years is New York, but the gap has lessened. Which city is the first? I: London. The property prices in these cities are very high. I: Are you considering property prices? Of course. I don’t really like these cities, whether it’s London or New York or Tokyo, because the property prices are really high, especially in London. It would be better if the property prices were a bit cheaper. I: Yes, the real estate rankings aren’t good. It's in 17th place. New York is expensive too. I: New York is in 34th place. It’s expensive to live in Tokyo too. I: 14th place. I think a better place would be Singapore. I: That’s true overall, but the liveability ranking is only at 28th place. Well, I won’t look at the property in Singapore then. My grandfather was in real estate, I suppose I inherited this interest from him. It’s hereditary. Since I was young, I’ve always been looking at property, I still like real estate even now. But the properties in Tokyo, London and New York are really very expensive. How should I look at this ranking? The next segment is 'I'm sorry, mother'. Saga Prefecture, Tsuku-chan, 41 years old, office worker, male: This segment ‘I’m sorry, mother’ is very moving, I have a story I want to share too! Now that I look back, my mother has always taken care of me with her motherly love and warmth, but I’ve only given her trouble and worries. I used to be like a countryside bully, often using “Omae!” to call my mother. (t/n: Omae is used by seniors to address juniors.) M: S-A-G-A, Saga Prefecture. During junior high, I was unapologetic even when I saw my teacher and mother running around because of me. The only woman I’ve ever hit was my mother. M: You hit your mother?! When we were arguing, I hit her face and she cried. I only regretted it then. After I hit her, I didn’t speak to her for a month. It was a painful time. But she still secretly prepared a birthday cake for me, I was so embarrassed. I only got into less trouble when I entered high school. I was such a fool back then, I made her worry so much. After 20 years, I’ve become an office worker. When I think of what happened then, I feel even more apologetic towards my mother now. But I can’t simply tell her I’m sorry, because she’ll start crying once she hears my apology. She won’t be able to stop crying! (t/n: Kyushu accent) I can’t say sorry, so I say thank you instead to make up for what I did in the past. What a fool! I think you should just write a letter. Using this letter from the broadcast, tell her “I wrote a letter to Fukuyama, he says it’s best to write you a letter." If she asks “what?”, you can tell her “no, it was Fukuyama who told me to write it.” If she says anything, just tell her “Fukuyama told me to do it.” Do write a letter to her. Kanagawa Prefecture, Hironobu, 42 years old, male, office worker: Fukuyama-san, I enjoy listening to your show every week, I’ve been listening for more than 10 years already. This is the first time I’m writing a letter to you. After hearing about the segment ‘I’m sorry, mother’, I thought of me and my mother. M: The first letter after listening for 10 years, because of this segment. When I was born, my father had already passed away. It was my mother who raised me alone. Although I didn’t do anything bad, but I did go through a rebellious phase and I had a bad relationship with my mother then. I still remember it clearly even now. When I was in the 2nd grade of junior high, my mother was 42 years old. She asked, “Hironobu, if…and I’m saying if, I have a boyfriend, what do you think of it?” I got shocked, so I immediately said, “How did you get a boyfriend! You’re an old and ugly woman!” Actually, this wasn’t what I really thought, I just carelessly said it because I was surprised. At that time, my mother… M: That’s a weird way of responding. I still remember my mother’s weird smile then, even now. M: That’s not a weird smile, it’s a forced one. Afterwards, I met with a guy who seemed to be my mother’s boyfriend at a family restaurant in my hometown. He said hello to me, then I left to meet my friend from a school club. When I went home, I told my mother, “I hate that sort of old man.” I never saw him again. My mother is living alone healthily now, but when I think of this, I wonder if I’ve ruined my mother’s happiness. I feel really apologetic towards my mother. Everyone is like this, when we’re young we tend to see the opposite sex as females. But our mothers are still our mothers, but for the first time we realise that our mothers are females too. But during this period, we don’t want to acknowledge this fact. Especially to a boy in junior high, his mother isn’t a woman, but a mother. It’s weird to see her with a boyfriend. I: This is especially true in this period… but when it’s more acceptable once the boy reaches his 20s. It’s really hard to accept. Hironobu, you and your mother… perhaps your mother doesn’t have confidence. I hope Hironobu can decide. Your mother was in her prime years when she gave birth to you at 28 years old. There probably were men who liked her, since she was in her prime then. But because she had to raise you up alone, she didn’t have time to get into a relationship. Later, perhaps at work, she meets a man. She felt his warmth, but because she hadn’t been in a romantic relationship for so long, she forgot how to be in one. So, she wanted to show you who he was before deciding. But since Hironobu couldn’t accept him, this romance ended. It’s not Hironobu’s fault, your words may have been a good thing for you and your mother. Honestly, a man may never be able to see his mother as a woman for his whole life. I: Even now, it still feels like she comes from a planet of mothers. An alien mother from the planet of mothers. When mothers decide to remarry… there are many reasons, be it for finance or psychological support. It’s normal to want to remarry. But whether the child can accept, I don't know. my father passed away when I was 17 years old. If my mother now wants to find a partner in the final years of her life, and she wants to marry him or stay with him without marrying him, I don’t think I’ll call that man my father. At this age… I: Man-to-man, I think you’ll just say, “I’ll hand my mother to you then.” Of course, there are people who still want to accept a new family member and call him “dad”. But at this age, I won’t. Everyone has their own anniversaries, and today’s date is an anniversary to me too… what is this… I’ve mentioned this before, Imanami. Can you be a bit better with dates? I: You’re releasing more and more singles, this is just an anniversary of a single’s release. What the hell is that, a single release anniversary? I: Today is the anniversary of your 4th single, ‘WOH WOW/It’s Just That I’ve Changed’. It achieved 89th place on Oricon in 1991. What are you trying to say? I: Your next single became popular. Good night? The sales only got a bit better. I: You’ve said this before, WOH WOW was the last song you couldn’t sell out. That…that…you’re phrasing it in such a delicate way, are you making fun of me?! I: No, no. Fukuyama, this is the last song you couldn’t sell out! This is the last song I couldn’t sell out! You’re too much, is there still such a way of bullying in the 21st century?! Is this the new way of bullying in 2017? I: But this song was the first one to enter the Oricon charts, how did you feel then? About that… everyone often asks me, “How did you feel then?” I was very happy, but I wasn’t overly excited. I remember that I was thinking that I could finally see a pinhole-sized light. Thank you, BROS! Saga Prefecture, Ago-chan, 57 years old, housewife, female: I went to the gym/after two days/my butt jive up. M: What does jive up mean? After my husband retired, I wanted to keep fit. I started to do walking exercises every morning, and I went to the gym too. I really wanted to work out, so I went to the gym. I felt like I had to try everything, so I tried out every single machine, including the squat weightlifting bar. M: Seya!! (t/n: Kansai-ben, meaning that's how it is) But when I stepped hard on the ground, the old companion in my butt, the secretly hidden haemorrhoids said, “Hello!” I: Hahaha… that… even now, ‘Hello!’ is still an important song… M: I know… The haemorrhoids said, “Hello!” and jumped out into the clear, it was so painful. The coach was a young man and he ran over to help me up, asking, “Is your waist alright? Is there something wrong with your waist? It’s your waist, right!” I said, “Yes, it’s my waist that’s hurting.” M: Why didn’t he ask whether it’s your haemorrhoids… Afterwards, I used my own experience to resolve it quickly. M: Ago-chan, you’re so well-experienced… no, you’re a professional! “I quickly dealt with it, then I continued working out.” Your haemorrhoids came out already though! When I went home in the car, my husband said, “Just now, you just… Bonjour, right? Don’t lift weights anymore!” My dad said ‘Hello’ to this before too. I: He had it inside? It split? It split inside-out! On the surface too. I: How painful. He often shoved it back in. “Ah, so you can just shove it back in with a push! Amazing! So it comes out like this!” Fukuoka Prefecture, Mikiko-chan, housewife, female, 54 years old: I met my ex-boyfriend in a funeral home. In February this year, I met my ex-boyfriend from high school again. The venue was my aunt’s funeral. He was in charge of greeting the family members. His hair has started to become thinner and his looks changed a lot too. But I recognised him at first sight, so we talked about the past. Because I’m a family member and he’s an employee, we couldn’t talk for too long. Even though I’m his ex-girlfriend, I feel like he did his work too poorly. My relatives were a little annoyed too, and my 25-year-old niece even said, “That baldy! I can’t wait for all your hair to drop out! Baldy!” I didn’t dare to say that I was his ex-girlfriend when the funeral ended. At this age, when I hear someone say bad things about my ex, I still feel a bit sensitive over it. M: Of course! You can criticise his work, but saying that he’s a baldy is a bit… he even wanted all his hair to drop out, he shouldn’t be like this. It’s rather rare to meet an ex-boyfriend at a funeral, but at this age, we’re all concerned about people from the past. It’s easy for them to know how I’ve been living, but I want to see them again. I wonder how they’re doing since we haven’t met for so long. (t/n: talks about Kanpai Japan concert, males-only concert, his new song for the Totto-chan drama. Skip to 35:20 for subtitles) The last keyword for the stickers contest is ‘The males-only concert is forever!’ Please put both keywords together and send it to us for the lucky draw. It’s interesting if you put them both together… (t/n: I’m sorry, mother, the males-only concert is forever!) Next week’s broadcast is the 100th episode! We’ll read lots of letters! But our casual talk is often very long.

[systemofabreakdown]

So does anyone else doesn't quite feel comfortable with being wet? I've read somewhere a long time ago that schizophrenics can... Not like water, but idek... I don't like being wet, wether it be in a pool, washing dishes, or sweating. I've also read in lots of places that lots of us struggle with self hygiene but not many people actually talk about it so I'll talk a little about it, even though I low key think I have talked about it before but my memory is a mess. I have mixed feelings about wether or not my hygiene routine is affected by my schizophrenia... I shower everyday. But I really really really feel irked about having to use the same sponge and bar soap that my parents use so I just.. I don't. I shower with water. Cause if I go out get me my own sponge and my own soap, I know they will find it problematic and won't leave me alone about it. I used to not shampoo either but my parents found out and started to aggressively criticize me and demand that I shampoo my hair every single day. Twice. Like, they found out because my mom decided to go find out about schizophrenia (which shouldn't be a bad thing) but then proceeded to use every symptom list as a list of things to control about me apparently. And soon after she found out that "struggling with self hygiene" was a thing, suddenly my hair was ugly and stinky unless I shampooed it obsessively. And like, I know a beautician. And I spent years reading about hair care. Shampooing it that much is Damaging. For a while I tried to shampoo it every once in a while and then pretend I was washing it daily, cause they would keep asking questions and wanting to smell my hair and like... I'm an adult. Why can't I be treated like one?? Additionally, my hair care routines still Existed when I wasn't shampooing it. When they started invading my hygiene routine I nearly lost interest in my hair, which already had took me more than a decade to finally not hate. So when they point to Not Shampooing or Not Using The Sponge as Proof That I'm Mentally Ill, it's kinda really annoying.... They will still be annoying about it sometimes but now they are focused on a different line of symptoms so I'm able to get away with shampooing it once a week or so, which made me a little happier about it. Anyway, hygiene isn't only showering so here's a little about the other things: - I wish I brushed my teeth more often but I can only manage to do it once a day, at night before going to my room... it just never really comes up in my brain somehow? Brushing at night has been a routine ever since I was a baby, so not doing it feels weird to me, but during the day, after eating, I'll rarely remember about it. Then sometimes, when I don't have the resources for it, my brain will randomly go "you should brush your teeth more often" - I Do Not Brush My Hair. It is very thick and very long but using a comb to detangle it makes it look awful 100% all the time. Before my parents interfered with my hair care, I'd spend a really long time brushing it with a soft brush to spread my scalp oils through my hair and also to get rid of most stray hairs that fell off but my dad started using it without asking and now I'll see his hairs on it and I just won't wanna touch it... I do plan on getting a new Boar Bristle Brush, maybe even a better one!!! And just... hiding it in my room... but right now I can't really afford one. My hair works just fine anyway. - Vagina Haver Talk Warning Here: water isn't the only wet thing I am uncomfortable with, so I am 100% of the time wearing pads cause, really, who can afford to change underwear every time their vaginas decide to spill some fluids ugh... idek cause I literally see No One talking about this... maybe no one even Has this problem with fluids... like, this is part of the reason why I don't like going in water, or wearing swimsuits cause I just.. um.. don't feel comfortable without wearing pads... anyway moving on - I am Aware that I also should clean my ears more often but the same thing that happens with brushing my teeth more happens here too... - Same for nail clipping. In Japan there's also a saying that says (huh) that you shouldn't clip your nails after dark and I kinda go by that rule, which doesn't quite help because I'll usually only realize I should probably clip my nails when it's already time for me to sleep - Shaving. Doesn't. Exist. I spent most of my life Hating my body hair and trying endless ways of getting rid of it, I have scars from that and honestly, shaving myself Never made me feel any better about myself, it was just Pain for the sake of appeasing other people so no thanks. I don't see you getting irked about affectionately petting your furry pets and I also don't see the middle aged ladies who think everyone should listen to them even think twice when they see men with their faces and bodies covered in hair and if you have a problem with Me having body hair?? Good job!! But guess what? It's none of your business and don't worry, my "disgusting hairy legs" won't ever want to walk me any near your disgusting hypocrite self. So yeah that's all I can think about regarding self hygiene and if you're comfortable with sharing about yours I'd be really glad to listen!!!

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #171

VOTE!

BTVS 6x18 Entropy

Stray thoughts

1)  

2)   Don’t you just love it when your OTP do stuff together?

3)  

BUFFY: I am not telling my friends about us. SPIKE: Right, I'll just be dropping him down to you then. BUFFY: You wanna tell them so badly? Go ahead. You know why? I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week... and guess how much they hate me. Zero. Zero much. So I'm thinking, sleeping with you? They'll deal.

And yet, she wouldn’t come clean... I don’t think she was afraid they’d hate her. I think she feared they’d shame her and judge her, much like Xander did by the end of the episode. And at the same time, I think in a way Buffy wanted Spike to be her thing, even if they weren’t really together and they weren’t having sex anymore.

4) I love this vamp’s WTF reaction so much!

SPIKE: In that case, why won't you sleep with me again?

5)   I thought country was the music of pain, Xander.

Also, what’s up with that pinky? You’re drinking beer, dude, it’s not the 5 o’clock tea with Cheryl and the gals at the country club.

6)   It’s really cute to watch Willow and Tara be all flirty and cute like in the beginning.

WILLOW: We should have some coffee some time. Uh, maybe some day... this week after class? TARA:  I'm free tomorrow. WILLOW: Uh, you could, you could bring your friend. TARA: I wasn't gonna - I mean, if you have a friend- WILLOW: No!  I'm, oh, I-I'm friendless. TARA: Yeah, yeah, no friends. I mean, I have friends- WILLOW: Right, many dear friends, yeah.

7)  At least Buffy and Dawn are spending time together, right?

BUFFY:  You stole a toothbrush. DAWN: A mother-of-pearl handle. Very fancy. BUFFY: Yeah, but you stole a toothbrush. As far as rebellious teenagers go, you're kinda square. DAWN: Dental hygiene is important. BUFFY: Guess this was kind of a lame sisters' day out, huh? I make up for trying to kill you by taking you to places you can't go in. DAWN: No, it's my bad. I'm the one that got caught taking stuff.

8)  

JONATHAN: If something goes wrong, it's gonna surge... and we'll be deader than an ex-girlfriend. WARREN: What did you say? JONATHAN: Just let me work! WARREN: All right. All right, you do what you need to do. You get us to the goods, and then watch out! It'll gonna be like... it'll be like the whole world just spread open and gave it up for you, man.

JONATHAN: And then we're done, right? We each take our share and we call it a day.

WARREN: You that ready to get rid of us? Huh? Don't worry. We pull this off, you can go buy any tropical island you want. Aw, cheer up, Short Round. You're about to get us everything we ever wanted.

Like, I appreciate that Jonathan hasn’t forgotten they murdered Katrina, but it’s still not good enough. Just feeling kind of bad about committing murder is still not good enough. Reluctantly continuing to help your ex-friends to commit more crimes is still not good enough. I mean, he is the only one in the trio with half a conscience, so there’s that. But like I said, it’s not good enough.

9)   Oh, God, I’m just noticing this…

XANDER: I know there's nothing that I can say or do to make up for what I did. I can't. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, 'oh god, is this my life? Was that me?' ANYA:  Me too.

Anya agrees but they are both talking about two whole different levels of “was that really me?” Even though they are both expressing regrets over their past actions, Xander is merely talking about how he’s still second-guessing his decision to cancel the wedding at the last minute and leave her at the altar, while it’s easy to tell Anya’s regrets are quite different. It feels as though she’s having trouble going back to being a vengeance demon. It was an impulse decision, and she made it only because in the heat of the moment she wanted to exact her revenge on Xander and on Xander alone. But she’s been back on the vengeance business for two weeks, which means that while she waited to get to Xander, she probably had to do her duty and kill and torture others. Anya probably thought she’d find joy in vengeance again, as she once did. But she’s not the same person/demon.

10) The saddest part is that had Xander asked her to pick up where they’d left off and get married, she would’ve done it in a heartbeat – her pain, heartbreak, and humiliation would have been forgotten in a second. She looks so hopeful when he starts to apologize.

11) And I get Xander, he shouldn’t do anything he doesn’t feel ready for. But the timing was so, so wrong. And the damage was done.

ANYA: Do you still want to get married? ...Oh.

XANDER: Ahn, it's a very complicated question. ANYA: No, actually, it's really not. It's kind of an either-or deal. Do you want to get married? XANDER: Someday, yes, very much. When we're ready. I don't want you to take this as a bad thing. It's good. I love you, I love you so much, I'm just trying to be honest with you. ANYA: Yes, honesty *now*. Congratulations, Xander, on being honest now. I wonder what the medal will say.

12) Again with the impulse decisions...

ANYA: And I wish you were never born!

XANDER: I know this is all coming out wrong.

ANYA: I wish you felt the pain of a thousand searing pokers boiling your heart in its own juices! XANDER: I know, honey. I totally deserve that. ANYA: I... I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut! XANDER: They are. ANYA: Really?

But.. how would she have felt if her wish had actually come tue? I think she would’ve regretted instantly.

13)

ANYA: What's wrong with me? XANDER: No, honey, it's not you, it's me.

14) My baby is all grown!

DAWN: No, you're not, it's not that, it's just... what if, instead of you hanging out with me? Maybe I could hang out with you. Why don't I come patrolling with you tonight?

BUFFY: Oh. And then? Maybe we can invite over some strangers and ask them to feed you candy. DAWN: Well, you guys went out patrolling every night when you were my age. BUFFY: True... but technically, you're one-and-a-half. See, I thought a little levity might ... but okay, also no.

DAWN: I just... I just think I could help. BUFFY: I'm sure you could. But it's a little more dangerous than I had in mind. DAWN: But- BUFFY: Dawn, I work very hard to keep you away from that stuff. Okay, I don't want you around dangerous things that can kill you. DAWN: Which would be a perfectly reasonable argument, if my sister was chosen to protect the world from tax audits? But, see, my sister is you, and... dangerous things that want to kill me seem to find me. BUFFY: But you don't need to go looking for them.

But she does need to be prepared in case something happens. Buffy was so concerned with keeping Dawn safe that she was making her helpless. I agree, Dawn shouldn’t go looking for danger, but they were always in danger whether they go looking for it or not. And by sheltering Dawn so much, Buffy was making her so much more vulnerable to any dangers she might encounter. I get that Buffy was probably trying to give Dawn the kind of normal life she never got to have, but even though Dawn hadn’t been burdened with a sacred duty, she was still choosing not to have a normal life much like Willow did when she decided to stay in Sunnydale to fight evil. And Buffy didn’t try and stop Willow or Xander. I know, they weren’t her siblings, but all the more reason for her to try and prepare Dawn for any possible danger they might have to face.

15) The whole montage of Anya trying to get the girls to wish evil on Xander is both funny and sad because ultimately, I think what Anya was looking for even more so than them wishing vengeance on Xander was for their empathy and support. She realized that the people she had been spending time with for the last few years weren’t really their friends, and that’s a sobering reality.

16)

ANYA: Guys have been running roughshod over you for years. Torturing that perky little ticker. Aren't you sick of it? Don't you wish guys like that- BUFFY: Whoa. Guys? There have only been four - three! Three! Three guys. That's barely plural.

17) ICONIC!

WILLOW: Well, if there's anything we can do, just let us- ANYA: Actually... um... there is an eensy something I could use a little help with. You're lesbians so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.

TARA: Well, it's, it's not really so much about hating the men. WILLOW: We're more centered around the...  girl on girl action. ANYA: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander.

WILLOW: Well, Xander is a guy, so...  it's kinda not the surprise that he likes to watch... girls... Why are we talking about this? ANYA: We're comforting me! TARA: Well, I guess it's... natural for guys to be interested in- ANYA: God! What kind of lesbians are you?! If you love men so much, go love men!

18) Okay, I call this character development…

XANDER: Looks like someone's been keeping an eye on all your ins and outs. BUFFY: What the who? XANDER: Well, now, let's see. Who's obsessed with Buffy? Who likes to hang out in her yard and keep an eye on her? Who's in love with you and not getting any?

I mean, every time Buffy had the slightest suspicion regarding Spike she would break into his crypt, punch him in the nose and ask questions later. This time, though, she dropped by, said hello, handed him the evidence, and talked to him calmly.

19)

SPIKE: Something happened to me. The way I feel... about you... it's different. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't, it's real. BUFFY: I think it is.For you.

20) 

ANYA: I want Xander good and cursed. HALFREK: Then you know what you have to do. ANYA: Get a wish from someone who doesn't freaking love him. HALFREK: Exactly. ANYA: Yeah, but my social circle is a little limited here. What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon someone who doesn't give a fig's ass if Xander gets hurt?

21)

ANYA: Oh my God. Spike *hates* Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish... dammit, if only he were a woman. Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him - well, he'd be a her by then - then I could go to her -a her by then - then I could go to her - HALFREK: Anyanka. There's an easier way. Now, I know you have this whole female-power, Take Back the Night thing, I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades - men need a little vengeance now and then, too.

I liked Anya’s idea, better, though. I really dig the idea of Fem!Spike.

22)  

ANYA: To tell you the truth... all I wanted was to use him and lose him. I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years.

That’s… a big, fat lie. Anya could’ve used and abused any man if what she needed was only a good old tumble. But she came back to Sunnydale specifically to have sex with Xander. And when he wasn’t all lovey-dovey immediately afterwards, she got pissed. She actively pursued him until they were in a committed relationship. Also, this is kind of retcon. Anya mentioned she’d had sex with other demons, right? I remember that demon she runs into a season 7 talking about it. And are we supposed to believe she hadn’t had sex EVER as a vengeance demon? Are vengeance demons asexual?

23)

SPIKE: I was always going above and beyond. I saved the Scoobies how many times? And I can't stand the lot of you. ANYA: Me either! I hate us! Everybody's so *nice.* Nobody says what's on their mind. SPIKE: You do. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance. ANYA:  Really? SPIKE: Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, but she was straight about it. That's a virtue. ANYA: Mm. Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude. SPIKE: That's because he's one of them. Uptight. Repressed. ANYA: You think? SPIKE: Please. It's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, luv. We should have been dead hundreds of years ago ... and we're the only ones who are really alive.

I love pretty much everything about their conversation, but what stood out this time is the fact that he claims he wouldn’t bite Anya because he likes her personality, and it got me thinking... all those lonely nights in his crypt, with the chip in his head, reminiscing of the good ol’ times when he could bite as he pleased... Spike probably ranked the Scoobies according to how much he’d like to bite them... He’d already told Willow he’d bite her, and Xander he wouldn’t... I wonder who else made the “I would bite you” list...

24) I love this scene so much…

ANYA: This whole time, I've been coming on all... hell-bent and mad. Wanting his head, you know? When, really, I... can't sleep at night, thinking it ... has to be my fault, somehow...

Spike seems really moved by Anya’s confession, and I feel like he wanted to say something to comfort her but he really didn’t know what. And then, she says exactly what’s he’s been feeling…

ANYA: What if it was just pretending? What if he never wanted me... the way I wanted him?

And then he finally finds the words, but it’s not much consolation, though…

SPIKE: He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you. ANYA:  Then why?

Guh and they’re sexy as fuck.

25) Hahahaha Willow’s reaction!

26) And Andrew’s! 

ANDREW: What are they... oh. WARREN: Is that- JONATHAN: Spike. ANDREW:  He is so cool. And, I mean, the girl is hot too.

27) I love that Willow realizes what’s been going on between Buffy and Spike just by gauging her expression at seeing him with someone else. So Buffy did care a little, as much as she’d insist on telling him otherwise.

28) And I also love how honest Buffy is about the whole thing once it’s finally out. She doesn’t shy away from Dawn’s questions, and she lets her know why she didn’t anything before.

DAWN: So. This is it? This is the stuff you've been protecting me from? You and Spike? BUFFY: And a lot of monsters. DAWN: Uh-huh. BUFFY: But it's over. Spike. DAWN: I wish you'd told me. BUFFY: I kinda didn't wanna admit it to myself. DAWN: I get that. I know it must hurt. To feel like you have to hide, to keep secrets from everybody?

And Dawn is so sweet and understanding, I love her.

29) Ugh and this is when things start getting really ugly…

30) Why are you explaining, Anya? You don’t need to explain ANYTHING to Anyone! Also, if anyone needs reminding why I hate Xander half of the time, this is one of the BIG reasons why. He managed to slut-shame his best friend AND his ex-girlfriend whom he had left at the altar all in one sweep.

ANYA: It was just, it... it was just a thing. I... I felt bad, and he was just... there. BUFFY:  Didn't take long, did it? XANDER: Oh, oh, oh, okay! You had to do it. Because he was there. Like Mt. Everest. Like I used to be. ANYA: And then you weren't. You left *me,* Xander. At the altar. I don't owe you anything. XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? Dead or alive? ANYA: Where do you get off judging me?! XANDER: When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you, and you hit me back? Very mature. ANYA: No, the mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes, so that no one will notice that you are just a scared, insecure little boy! XANDER: I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. You wanted me to feel something? Congratulations, it worked. I look at you ... and I feel sick. 'Cause you had sex with that.

31) And of course, the petty vampire is all hurt and petty and he just has to make everything just a tad worse...

SPIKE: It's good enough for Buffy.

32)  Anya finally understands that revenge isn’t going to fix anything, it won’t make her feel any better.

SPIKE: You know, I wish- ANYA: Don't.

33) HOLY FUCK! HOW AM I JUST NOTICING THAT THIS WAS WILLOW’S OMWF DRESS?!

34) But thank god for this fleeting ray of sunshine among all the heartbreak…

TARA: Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard.

WILLOW: Tara?

TARA: You can't ever...  put them back the way they were.

WILLOW: Are you okay? TARA: I'm sorry, it's just ... You know, it takes time.  You can't just... have coffee and expect- WILLOW: I know.

TARA: There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides ... You have to learn if... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long... important process, and... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?

This is hands down one of the best kisses in the show. And the series finale, what a great way to end the show, don’t you think?

[femslashrevolution]

On the personal as normal; on the normal as political

This post is part of Femslash Revolution’s I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only.

A few months ago I had a conversation about pubic hair, with a lover of mine. Your bush is super hot, my lover said. I’m blushing, I said. Then she asked: was my decision not to shave a political one, or just a “this is fckn sexy” one? And at that last question—I wasn’t sure what it was, or why it was happening, but something reared up in me. Some looming, rebellious objection. It wasn’t my lover’s fault; she is a thoughtful and considerate communicator, and had done nothing wrong. And it was strange, to feel as I did; because it wasn’t as if I was new to the idea of female body hair being a site of political dissension. I’m thirty-five years old; I was hassled by my schoolfriends in middle school for not shaving my legs and hassled by my girlfriend in high school and my Womyn’s Center mates in college for shaving them. Patti Smith’s Easter, with its iconographic pit hair has pride of place on my record shelf. I have done my time in the trenches of feminist debate, and when I was younger I spent my fair share of time agonizing over which personal grooming strategy made me “the best feminist." 

 But the truth is that these days, twenty years on, my selective hair removal—I shave my legs and my pits, but not my bush—feels, to me, neither politically motivated nor even particularly intentional. Instead it feels normal. It’s one of the myriad little habits that makes feel at home in my body, in that deeply comfortable and worn-in sense of "at home” that comes from being able to walk around one’s apartment barefoot, in the dark, while thinking about the last scene in one’s novel rather than where one is placing one’s feet. It’s a level of at-home-ness; of ownership and normalcy, that means conscious thought is superfluous. And though I acknowledge the usefulness, in many contexts, of interrogating received wisdom and assumptions about what constitutes “womanly” or “hygienic” female behavior, I would argue that in this world—this world which, today more than ever, teaches women never to be at home in our bodies, never to be comfortable in our bodies, never to stop thinking about our bodies and feeling guilt and shame about our bodies—that there is value to carving out spaces of normalcy, as well: space for us to breathe into all our inconsistent and idiosyncratic ways. 

What does all this have to do with femslash? Glad you asked. 

I am no longer a fandom newbie, but neither am I a long-time veteran of the wars. I wandered wide-eyed into fandom in my late 20s, already a full-grown adult: a near-lesbian in a foundering long-term relationship with a man, I was also a crafter and feminist and compulsive reader of literary fiction; and I was looking, with mercenary intensity, for writing which explicitly portrayed the kind of sexual complexity with which I was struggling in my personal life, and which I was pointedly not finding in published fiction. I knew zilch about fandom traditions or fandom political histories; all those fandom battles which old-timers were already heartily sick of fighting. I just knew: god! Here were people writing about sex (between men) so viscerally compellingly that even I could understand the appeal: I, who have always felt vaguely repulsed by men’s society and men’s bodies—even, inconveniently, the bodies of men I loved.

And even though my lack of fandom context led to me doing and saying some things in those early days that were, in retrospect, kind of embarrassingly naïve and lacking in nuance, I’m glad that I was ignorant of the larger fandom dynamics around lady/lady sex writing (or hey, around lady/lady writing at all [or hey, around writing about women, full stop]). Because my ignorance meant that when I discovered an entire new-to-me, female-dominated community writing complicated, explicit sex scenes, full of longing and messy exploration and bodily fluids, I could blunder right into writing about women conflictedly fucking other women; conflictedly fighting with other women; conflictedly forgiving other women and reconnecting with other women and betraying other women and taking care of other women and bittersweetly remembering other women. Because why wouldn’t I write about that? That was, to my fandom-naïve eye, the normal thing to do in this subculture into which I’d wandered. 

 Unsurprisingly, this provoked some interesting reactions.

Due in part to my ignorance when I came on the scene, I’ve since had a lot of interactions and internal debates, and witnessed a lot of fandom dust-ups, about those three things: writing female characters; and writing female characters in relationship to other female characters; and writing female characters fucking other female characters. (I have also written a lot about this, as well.) Some of these interactions have involved talking about why folks write queer women characters. More of them have revolved around why folks don’t; or don’t like to; or don’t think it’s a fair thing to ask; or don’t like it when I do. Common objections I’ve heard to writing and reading women fucking women include: there are fewer female characters in source media (or they’re not as interesting), so finding them and developing investment in them requires more work; f/f writing doesn’t get as much attention, and it is disheartening to choose political correctness over reader response; writing female bodies while living in a female body in a culture that hates female bodies is more emotionally difficult/traumatic; female bodies are gross; the mainstream hypersexualization of lesbians means that is it anywhere from uncomfortable to morally wrong to write sex among women, especially kinky sex; mainstream objectification of female bodies means it is anywhere from uncomfortable to morally wrong to write sex involving women, especially kinky sex; the omnipresence of sexist tropes in media mean that it is anywhere from uncomfortable to morally wrong to write female characters as anything less than morally exemplary, which is boring; the omnipresence of homophobic tropes in media mean that it is anywhere from uncomfortable to morally wrong to write a story that deviates from the anti-trope script (e.g. “happy lesbians with well-balanced relationships”), which is boring; fandom space is supposed to be escapist and fun, and including female sexuality is too close to home to be enjoyable; fandom space is supposed to be escapist and fun, and expecting hobbyists to be warriors in the army of capital-r Representation is obnoxious; fandom space is dominated by young women, and expecting them to be warriors in the army of capital-R Representation is sexist when we don’t hold middle-aged male media creators to the same standard. 

I could write an essay about each of these, some of which are really complex points with some merit. But I think one thing that stands out, from a majority of my interactions on this issue through the years, is the perception that the act of writing relationships among women is inherently political, in a way that the act of writing about relationships among men is not. 

The $64,000 question: do I agree with this?

Are electrons particles, or waves?

I mean, let’s get this out of the way: if writing about women is political, then writing about men is political, too. Masculinity is constructed as the default flavor of humanity in our society, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bear critical examination, nor does it mean that the actions of men aren’t informed by their socialization, or that everyone’s perceptions of men aren’t informed by power structures. Nor does it mean that men are immune from the toxic effects of life in a heteronormative patriarchy. If we as writers experience a focus on men to be a relaxing break from the stifling responsibility of depicting oppression, that is (a) pretty understandable, since that’s the myth of the (white cis hetero) male experience that’s sold to us from birth, but also (b) probably in need of some interrogation, since it doesn’t actually reflect anyone’s lived reality. Not even the lived reality of dude-bros who roll their eyes at the words “heteronormative” and “patriarchy”; and ESPECIALLY not the lived reality of queer men, who are, let’s remember, real people with a real history and a real present of active oppression due to their orientation. 

As to the question of queer women: was I right or wrong, in my fandom-naïve days, to assume that writing sex and relationships among women is essentially the same as writing those things among men? 

Yes. That is, I think I was right, and also wrong.

In a 1995 essay, Paula Rust enumerates many of the widely divergent and in some cases mutually incompatible interpretations of the oft-quoted second-wave feminist slogan “The personal is political”:

The personal reflects the political status quo (with the implication that the personal should be examined to provide insight into the political); the personal serves the political status quo; one can make personal choices in response to or protest against the political status quo; one’s personal life influences one’s personal politics or determines the limits of one’s understanding of the political status quo; the personal is a personal political statement; personal choices can influence the political status quo; one’s personal choices reveal or reflect one’s personal politics; one should make personal choices that are consistent with one’s personal politics; personal life and personal politics are indistinguishable; personal life and personal politics are unrelated.

If we adapt Rust’s terminology slightly to accommodate the act of reading and writing fiction, so that “the personal” becomes something more like “individualized character depictions,” then I think this passage becomes a useful tool in breaking down how we think about reading and writing women versus how we think about reading and writing men. It seems to me that often, when we are reading and writing about men (especially cis white men who are canonically assumed to be straight even if they fuck in fanfic), our attitudes tend to hang out in the spectrum ranging from, on the more nuanced end, “choices about individualized character depictions can be made in response to or protest against the status quo” to, on the less nuanced end, “individualized character depictions and personal politics are unrelated.” Since straight white men are the default, depicting them doesn’t feel primarily political. It feels normal. Things that happen to straight white male characters seem not to carry the burdensome weight of responsibility and representation that plagues female characters, especially queer female characters or female characters of color. The unspoken logic here posits that the things that happen to men, just happen! The traits men have are just traits! Men can be evaluated as individuals, because there is nothing to distract from that individuality. No matter that whiteness/straightness/maleness is not actually nothing, only an invisible something; and never mind that the completeness of the divorce between individualized character depictions and greater political realities is to a large extent illusory. The fact remains that that’s often the in-the-moment experience of reading and writing about male characters: they can exist as individuals, because their maleness is the norm. 

By contrast, when we are reading and writing about women (especially queer women and women of color), our default assumptions tend to range from “individualized character depictions can influence the political status quo” to “individualized character depictions and personal politics are indistinguishable.” It is burdensome to write about queer women because we feel that every individualized queer woman character we write, in her body and her actions, must both bear the brunt of, and actively resist, all that baggage listed above. She must subvert (on a meta level) and/or stand against (on an in-story level) the tide of mainstream objectification, of lesbian hypersexualization, of sexist and homophobic tropes, of poor treatment and shoddy development at the hands of media creators, and on and on. Everything that happens to her or doesn’t happen to her, every physical trait and every mental tic, is massively overdetermined, because we feel that to write about queer women is to body forth our own personal politics into the world—and, more than that, to transform the landscape of queer female representation entire. 

OBVIOUSLY, as a writer and reader this is neither fun nor possible! No character can do this. 

Please let that sink in. No character can do this. No character is so well-written that she is going to transcend the Oppression Soup in which we all swim; and even if she did, she would not be enough transform the landscape of queer female representation into an egalitarian wonderland. We can stop hitching our wagons to that star because it’s not going to happen. Good news! We are not failures because we fall short of this demonstrably impossible metric! Similarly: my friends and I can install low-flow shower heads in every bathroom in every apartment we move into, from now until our deaths, but we are still not going to offset the effect of Nestlé extracting 36 million gallons of water per year from our national forests to bottle and sell at a profit. Or again: my personal choice to make my own clothes, though potentially politically meaningful to me as an individual, is never going to counteract the coercive power of a global fashion industry that earns $3 trillion a year peddling the lie that women who are larger than a size 10, or who don’t have expendable income to keep up with the latest trends, are not employable, fuckable, or worth taking seriously. This is not to say that making my own clothes can’t be politically meaningful for me personally. Nor is it to say that I am incapable of meaningful political action: I can help to take on these oppressive and exploitative industries via mass organizing: public actions, legal challenges, legislative lobbying, investigative exposés, mass boycotts. But there is absolutely nothing that I alone can do, with my body or my apartment or my novel, that will dismantle these power structures. 

For one thing, this is not how institutional oppression works. Yes, the ramifications of oppressive power structures can manifest in intimate details of one’s life, and it does well to be conscious of that. But the causality doesn’t work in reverse: identifying and purging artefacts of oppression from the intimate details of one’s life, while potentially personally meaningful or satisfying, won’t meaningfully reduce the overall strength of the originating oppressive power structures in society at large. I cannot take down the fashion industry by making my own clothes. I cannot save the world from Nestlé by installing low-flow shower heads. I cannot dismantle sexism and heteronormativity by writing a queer female character who carries perfectly on her shoulders the representation of every oppression she suffers, and perfectly represents my personal authorial politics—or, indeed, by writing a host of such characters, and sharing them with a few thousand people on the internet. This needs to stop being the expectation, or even the ideal. To hold the queer female character to such a standard is to make of her even more of an unattainable exception to human existence than she already is: for none of us can stand in for All Women, or All Queers, or All Queer Women; and none of us should be asked to do so. 

For another thing, this is not how fiction works. Fiction doesn’t convince through intellectual perfection. Fiction convinces through building empathy and voluntary identification in readers for characters who may or may not be wildly different from them, and may or may not be placed in radically different situations than they have ever found themselves in, but whom they the readers, on some basic human level, nonetheless recognize. Crafting an individual character who inspires that kind of gut-level recognition is difficult if the author is assembling them primarily as anti-oppression talisman rather than a flawed and complicit individual; or if the author is undermining the voluntary nature of the reader’s identification by making the character, Ayn Rand-style, a prostelytizing mouthpiece for the author’s own philosophy. I think this is part of what people mean, when they object that writing women, or queer women, or women of color, feels “too political”: the strictures of talisman-creation undermine the ability to foster empathy for a real-seeming individual. But this is not a problem with writing queer women! It’s a problem with the unrealistic expectations we’ve placed on ourselves around doing so. 

I mean, for my money, the way to craft characters who do inspire this gut-level sense of recognition is to draw on one’s own experiences—one’s own passions and one’s own struggles—while also refraining from providing neat and tidy solutions to which real people (and hence characters in the moment) do not have access. People are messy; we have to be able to let our characters be messy. To paraphrase John Waters, who surely knows whereof he speaks: we have to let our characters make US uncomfortable. We have to let them make us feel queasy and ambivalent sometimes, just as we sometimes make ourselves feel that way. We have to let ourselves discover things through the journey of writing and reading that we did not know when we started out. 

Does this mean there is no point in research, no point in educating ourselves about over-used tropes and the history and current reality of queer representation, no point in critiquing media that perpetuates these tropes? Of course it doesn’t mean that. The goal—my goal, anyway—is to write characters who ring true to life, who come off as real people, with real struggles. And in order to do that, a writer needs to be familiar with the toxic and un-lifelike nonsense that gets endlessly recycled in media. It’s helpful to know, for example, that the “lesbian dies, goes mad, or returns to the heterosexual fold at novel’s end” trope was originally imposed on lesbian pulp writers as a condition of publication if they wanted to avoid obscenity charges: here is an example that’s, VERY clearly, not an artefact of lesbian reality but an artificial and homophobic narrative imposed from without. I think it’s valid to make the point that maybe, in this year of our apocalypse 2017, we have reached a point where this narrative should be largely avoided. 

But you know: there are a lot of artificial and homophobic narratives. And there are even more narratives that, while not intrinsically artificial or homophobic, have so often been twisted that way as to be forever tainted by suspicion and pain. And that suspicion and pain twist back into real lived experience in ways that can be complicated and unpredictable. If our culture is a house, then so many of its walls are built of tainted narratives, and so many of its other walls are built up against those tainted walls, that it’s very difficult to dismantle the structure, or determine what’s sound and what’s not. As a real-life queer woman, I have never met an anti-oppression talisman, but I have met plenty of queer women who have made me uncomfortable—myself at the top of my own list. Though I squirm at the “lesbian goes crazy” novel ending, I have known many queer women, myself included, who struggle with mental illness (as well as many who don’t). Though I have noped out of media for egregious and self-serving use of the “lesbian was just waiting for the right man” trope, I myself am a near-lesbian who once fell in love with a man, and I know others who have done the same (as well as many who haven’t). Though I share the frustration over the assumption that bisexual characters are universally flighty and commitment-averse, I also know several flighty and promiscuous bisexuals (and many bisexuals who are neither, and many flighty and promiscuous straight folks). Though I cringe a little at depictions of alcoholism and drug abuse in queer female culture, I am myself a queer woman with a history of drug and alcohol abuse. In a cringe-y catch-22, I am deeply uncomfortable with both the demonization of the working-class butch/femme subculture by the middle and upper classes of lesbian society AND ALSO with the degree of forcibly normative gender expectations I personally have encountered in butch/femme environments… so I decided to go ahead and write a whole novel about that, despite the fact that I might avoid someone else’s treatment of the same subject matter. 

The pattern here is hopefully obvious: even drawing from the pool of my own personal lived stories, many verge on or overlap with narratives that are often toxic in their execution. So what are we to do? Does all this add up to a wash, a free pass for the continuation of any tired and harmful trope imaginable? No. It adds up to a call for a nuanced and subjective calculus around analyzing works of art: an acknowledgement that some versions of Narrative X or Character Y will spark that sense of recognition or that shock of injury for audience members, and others won’t, and others will for some audience members but not for others, and all of that is valid to talk about. And it also adds up to a call for writers of queer female characters—especially those of us who are queer and/or female ourselves—to allow ourselves the freedom to write individualized queer women who, though they may not body forth our personal politics, make us familiarly uncomfortable. Characters with whom we are intimate. 

Characters with whom we feel at home. 

Taking a larger view, I think that we need to close the gap between our reading and writing of men, especially straight white men (“individualized character depictions and personal politics are unrelated”) and our reading and writing of women, especially queer women and women of color (“individualized character depictions and personal politics are indistinguishable”). Both sides need to shift. Neither extreme is true, and we are doing a disservice to all our characters, and our works, if we disregard the nuance that lives between them. But more intensely, and more specifically, I would argue that where queer female characters are concerned we need to work toward an attitude that—however partially and strategically—begins to uncouple “individual character representation” from “personal authorial politics,” and does so with the express goal of allowing these characters normality. Weird, inconsistent, flawed, complicated, mundane normality. We need to let go of the intimidating and paralyzing attitude that queerness and femaleness raise the political stakes in such a way that mundane fuckups, either on the part of the author or the character, are no longer allowed. 

To extend the analogies from earlier: if we have the water pressure to support it, we should install low-flow showerheads, not because we can thereby compensate for the evils of Nestlé, but to save on our water bills. And if we have the time and inclination we might make our own clothes, not because it will magically deliver us from the perils of the beauty industry, because it it a mode of self-expression that is also personally empowering. And if we can, we should write and read complex, flawed queer female characters, and support others who write and read them, because to do so enables us—real-life queer women, and people who know real-life queer women, and even people who might be intimidated or repulsed by real-life queer women—to feel that real-life queer women, in all their flawed and problematic glory, are more human; more at home; more recognized. Closer to the range of the normal. 

None of these things is going to save the world, and we don’t need them to. They are important and life-sustaining anyway. 

(The author can be found online as havingbeenbreathedout on Tumblr and breathedout on AO3. She can be found offline on the wide open beaches and labyrinthine interstates of sunny southern California, where she lives the social-justice nonprofit life and also enjoys Bloomsbury history, kissing girls, poolside cocktails, early-morning yoga, and crying about fiction with her live-in editor/BFF/queerplatonic life partner fizzygins.)

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 121, September 2018

On Monday night, I attended the Men of Doveton program held at Doveton College. It’s hard to fathom that we’re over the halfway mark now. Part of me thought I would have dropped out weeks ago for two reasons: a) I’m not the sporty type in the slightest and b) Making social connections especially within a group of men is very challenging for me. I did have a couple of weeks where I questioned whether this group was for me. But the fact that I’m still here means that I have a lot of strength, determination and resilience to keep going.

Tonight marked the second week of learning how to play soccer down in the gym. It was very similar in structure from the previous week and I was still having the same problems. The ball was constantly losing control and rolling away from me when dribbling it. Head butting is still something I haven’t mastered yet. And playing the actual game, my fears from childhood bubbled to the surface again mostly around fear of getting hurt.

It’s very much a sensitivity issue and it doesn’t help when there’s a mixture of experienced and novice players. But I still gave it a go and was getting a good workout in. It doesn’t take long before you’re running up and down the court after the ball. And that’s pretty much the point of it, to become more active. I’m slowly starting to feel more included within the group too. Obviously this takes time. It’s something you have to progressively chip away at and slowly bring more of myself to the table.

In the second half of the session, we had Ted Whitten Jnr. and Laurie Serafini presenting on the topic of Prostate cancer and Men’s health issues. Ted is the founder of the E.J. Whitten Foundation and Laurie is a former AFL footballer and testicular/anal cancer survivor. Considering I’m not a huge footy fan, I wasn’t really that star struck by the presence of these celebrities but I knew a few of the guys in the group who were. https://www.ejwhittenfoundation.com.au/

This however didn’t diminish the importance of their talks at all. I think that it’s vital for all men to go see their GP regularly and have an annual health check. I used to be in the same boat myself when it came to going to the doctors. I would not only dread having a blood test done (I hate needles!) but also respond indifferently to the results (I’m overweight and have high cholesterol. Oh well, who cares?). https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/essential-screening-tests-for-men

But now being 32 years old, I’m taking my health much more seriously since starting my journey two years ago to improve my body weight, fitness, wellbeing, physical health and mental health. And whilst I don’t necessarily need to get tested for prostate cancer until I’m over 50 years old, this is still important information to have as I can educate other male family members and friends plus know I’ll be prepared myself as I get older. http://www.prostate.org.au/awareness/general-information/what-you-need-to-know-about-prostate-cancer/

On Tuesday, I attended the first day of my Hospitality Job Ready Program held at The Cardinia Club in Pakenham. Honestly getting to Pakenham before 9.30am is a huge pain in the rectum especially when you’ve got built-up school traffic and roadworks everywhere you turn. Thankfully the run on the freeway was pretty smooth and therefore it didn’t make me late. The program was held inside the venue’s boardroom and facilitated by Julie Barrett from Somers Elite Training.

The first course today was the Safe Food Handling course. I actually did this course back in 2016 but felt like doing a refresher. Julie’s approach is very detailed, thorough and no bullshit. She throws in heaps of examples from her experience in the hospitality industry with lots of photos showing what not to do when it comes to running a business. She went through all the major topics including hygiene laws and regulations, cleaning and sanitation, hazardous chemicals, personal and environmental hygiene, food poisoning, contamination, hand washing, pest control.

The thing I really enjoy about Julie’s style of teaching is that she doesn’t take things too seriously. She has a black, sarcastic sense of humour when it comes to managers and staff who do the wrong thing and ties to back to lack of education and training. It’s all about getting the basics right and understanding why food hygiene is so important in a commercial environment.

The practical assessment involving the glitterbug cream to show how much bacteria can spread even after washing your hands is pretty alarming. I feel like every time I do an RSF course, I always learn something new. I’m a rote and visual learner so it can take some time for all the information to sink in and actually remember it all but Julie’s notes really help. She literally tells you which parts to highlight in the workbook so at least the important principals will stick. https://www.somerselitetraining.com.au/course/sitxfsa001-use-hygienic-practices-for-food-safety/

The second course was on Coffee Training. It was only a small group of us now which made it a bit easier to process all the material. Again this was another refresher for me after doing an Introduction to Coffee Making course a few months back at Chisholm TAFE. I was actually amazed that I was able to stay awake this far into the day. My biggest problem with learning is having enough mental stamina and concentration to handle a 7-8 hour training course but I was determined to stick it out today.

Julie walked us all through the basics of coffee grinding, how to make an espresso, timing your coffee shot, how to steam the milk, how to clean the coffee machine and the most popular coffee types. She then gave us a practical demonstration using one of the coffee machines out in the venue’s gaming area. This is where my anxiety levels slowly began to rise.

I still have confidence issues that I need to overcome when it comes to actually getting hands-on and making coffees. I find putting the group handles into the heads to be tricky as hell and  I was hesitating a lot when it came to steaming the milk. The good news is that at least I gave it a go and didn’t let those internal fears (burning myself, having the milk explode in my face) stop me from trying.

It is all about learning, following the techniques and training tips and having lots of practice. Thank goodness that Julie is a patient woman and made sure that we were all trying to perform the coffee making process correctly. Perhaps one day I could be making coffees for customers in an RSL somewhere or a similar gaming venue to The Cardinia Club. Just have to build my confidence and experience up and I’ll be alright. https://www.somerselitetraining.com.au/course/coffee-training/

On Wednesday, I completed the second day of my Hospitality Job Ready Program held at Cardinia Club in Pakenham. Today was a similar deal to yesterday in that we had two different courses spread across the whole day. Firstly, I did my Responsible Service of Alcohol with a group of 15 people. Unfortunately the boardroom table didn’t allow much room between each of us so note-taking was pretty awkward but it was still manageable.  https://www.somerselitetraining.com.au/courses/alcohol/

We covered all the important areas including: the liquor industry, benefits of responsible service, alcoholic content of drinks, Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC), intoxication, signs of intoxication, how to prevent intoxication, refusal of service, dealing with underage minors, checking ID, packaged liquor and functions. I found most of the content easy to follow as I’ve done the RSA a few times over the years. The hardest part for myself and probably most people is the refusal of service section.

Not only is it extremely uncomfortable to perform, even in a casual role playing scenario, it’s a lot to remember. Thankfully Julie provided us with many helpful tips to learn it easier. The best way to handle intoxicated patrons and refuse service is: 1. Have A Conversation With The Customer (How’s your night been? What’s the weather like outside? Are you here with friends or by yourself?). 2. Response (I think that you need to have a breather. That will be your last drink for a while). 3. Clarify The Refusal (I’m sorry but I’d be breaking the law if I served you another drink). 4. Offer An Alternative (Would you like a coffee, tea, juice or coke instead?).

For me personally, developing social skills is still a work-in-progress for me. I still have confidence issues when it comes to speaking up and being assertive. But I refuse to give up. The test made up of 20 multiple choice questions was very straight forward. Most of it is common sense and rote learning of statistics like how much the fines are and how much alcohol is in a standard drink. We also learned that a specific law will be changing. That is minors under 18 years old cannot consume liquor in a licensed premises even with a responsible adult present. https://www.vcglr.vic.gov.au/resources/education-and-training/responsible-service-alcohol

The last course in the program was the Bar Operations Training. This particular course was entirely new to me and I found much of the content really interesting to learn. We covered lots of areas including: beverage service outlets, main equipment used, duties of a Bar Attendant, Bar daily set-up procedures, wastage and stock control, alcohol characteristics, wine styles, basic spirits, glassware, measuring drinks, adding ice, garnishing, personal hygiene, cleaning and maintenance, interacting with customers and selling skills. As you can see, there is a lot involved but Julie just focused on the basics today. https://joboutlook.gov.au/occupation.aspx?code=4311

The practical part of the course was a little nerve-racking for me as we were out in public view behind the back Sports Bar. We each learned how to pour a glass of wine, measure and pour of 30ml shot of spirits into a glass and pouring a bar using the taps. Of course new experiences is one of my anxiety triggers so thoughts were rampant through my head (What if I make a mistake? What if I spill beer and wine everywhere? What if I do something stupid?).

But I still managed to give it a go and I did okay for my first ever attempts at making drinks behind a bar. I think it really helps that Julie is incredibly supportive, dedicated and encouraging. She didn’t judge us or put any of us off from doing it and I think that’s an important value for a trainer to have. Of course skills like these take time, practice and patience to develop as well as the correct coaching involved aka teaching staff the right way of doing things. https://www.somerselitetraining.com.au/course/bar-training/

To finish off, Julie gave each of us a job application and a few tips about making a good impression when applying for a job, what to put in your resume and also information about doing the Responsible Service of Gaming online training course which can be a good additional piece of training to have when going for Hospitality type jobs. Whilst Julie is very strict and precise with her style of teaching, I feel like she has good intentions. And with 40 years of Hospitality industry experience, I think she knows her shit just a little bit! http://rsgonline.vic.gov.au/

On Friday afternoon, I had my Metro Trains job interview and online assessment held at Cliftons Melbourne in Southbank. It’s been over two weeks since I attended the information session for the position of part time Leading Station Assistant (LSA) and to be honest, I really didn’t think I would make it this far into the recruitment process. My interview was to be held on Level 18 inside the building at 2 Southbank Boulevard. Considering I only have a vague recollection of the Southbank area, I needed to pull out Google Maps to prevent myself getting lost.

This building was even more intimidating than the previous one with lines of booths, luxury sofas, designer armchairs and furnishings, a restaurant and several banks of elevators. Once I found where I needed to go, the reception staff at Cliftons guided me over to the waiting area. After briefly chatting to one of the other candidates sitting opposite me, I was trying really hard to calm my nerves and use mindfulness techniques to ground myself. It did help a little bit. I was focusing on the abstract floral patterns of the nearby chair and just observing shapes and colours.

Twenty minutes of uncomfortable waiting later, I was called up by a lady named Tara and escorted into one of the meeting rooms. The email I received last week was a bit misleading in saying that today’s session would involve a group discussion. This was not the case. In fact, my first task was to come up with a public announcement speech for a role playing exercise with one of two Metro Trains staff members. I only had 10 minutes to read the brief, jot down some notes and perform it. I also had to deal with a disgruntled customer scenario.

The nerves were really kicking in hard now as I’m not good at performing on the spot and thinking on my feet. The Metro Trains staff member, who was playing the role of the disgruntled customer, made it deliberately difficult for me, requiring me to think outside of the box. I was pulling all kinds of answers out of my ass from saying “Sorry for the inconvenience. We’re doing everything we can to rectify the issue.” to offering free transport and even a lift in my own car.

The next part was even harder...the interview itself. It’s not like I have job interviews everyday or even every week so I knew that this would be a challenge. The six or so questions that I was asked were pretty generic...Why do you want to work for Metro Trains? What does exceptional customer service mean to you? Tell me about a time when you faced a change of procedure or system, you dealt with a difficult customer, you demonstrated exceptional customer service, you acted in a safe manner in the workplace. (The STAR Method. S = Specific Situation. T = Task. A = Action. R = Result). https://www.vawizard.org/wiz-pdf/STAR_Method_Interviews.pdf

To be fair, I really should have been more prepared for these types of questions as thinking of specific workplace scenarios takes time for me. I also misunderstood some of the questions they were asking and for me it was embarrassing and made me feel kind of dumb. My hands were getting sweaty. My face was getting red and flustered. I was tripping over my words. Any confidence I did have pretty much left the meeting room after that. The pressure was building up inside my head and inside I wanted to have a mental breakdown. This is the exact reason why I hate doing job interviews so much.

However, I was determined to finish this no matter how hard it got. I even threw in a few details I’d heard about the Metro Tunnel and High Capacity trains that are being constructed. I also mentioned that I had some degree of knowledge around timetables, service disruptions and the role of the LSA. I was giving this interview my all, even though I could easily tell from the interviewers looks and body language that I’ve got a fat chance of being a successful candidate.

I breathed a sigh of relief as the interview came to a close with “Any questions?”. I was mentally drained and couldn’t think of any at the time. I just wanted to get out of that meeting room. The last part of today’s session was thankfully the easiest. I had to complete an online computer test which involved literacy, numeracy and oral communication skills. There were a couple of tricky questions but overall I found the task relatively simple and I got it finished very quickly.

I walked away from today’s interview feeling like I hadn’t done enough to be successful. I feel like there was a lot of pressure and expectation placed on me from the two guys who were interviewing me. The high corporate environment in which the interview took place was also really off-putting for me. And there were also a few curve-ball questions that I didn’t know how to answer. I physically and mentally felt stressed out from it, partly because I can get caught up in my emotions a lot like worrying what the interviewers were thinking about me.

But I have no regrets about going today. It was a big learning experience for me and I’m glad that I was strong enough not only to attend the interview but to stick it out. It was very uncomfortable for me but I still did it. If I don’t get the job, it’ll probably be a blessing in disguise. No job is worth killing yourself over and I feel like the demand of this role might be too great for me to handle. But we shall wait and see. http://www.metrotrains.com.au/careers/

“Hold fast, I’ll guide you through the night. And fear not for I am by your side. Listen through the rain. And you can hear the angels say. Help is on the way. The moment you begin to pray. When the thunders roar. You don’t need to be afraid. I’ll lead you through the storm. So please remember when I say. I’m with you always.” Owl City - Always (2018)

“Look up when the world gets you down And you're gonna get by. Hang in when the world counts you out. And you're gonna be fine. Sometimes that's life. Some days nothing never goes right. But when your hand is mine. You got me floating on cloud nine.”                        Owl City - Cloud Nine (2018)

[coolseanobuseng]

New Post has been published on https://legitlover.com/how-to-make-him-miss-you-badly/

How To Make Him Miss You Badly

How to make him miss you badly is brought to you By Slade Shaw Author of Why Men Pull Away  <=

“Your body is away from me, but there is a window open from my heart to yours.”

– Rumi

Remember the last time you felt a powerful longing for that special someone?

Whether you’ve only known him for a while, or you’re in a long-term relationship with him…

…if he matters to you, being away from him is painful.

But how do you make him feel the SAME?

Suzanne, a preschool teacher from Sacramento, met Patrick through a mutual friend.

They went out a few times over the last few months, and they seem to be getting along fine. However, something told Suzanne that he’s not that into it as she is.

She shared, “I was always the one who texted him first. It would take him a couple of hours to reply, and it’d be like that the whole day.”

“Every time I’d try and reach out – like sending him a funny picture or video – I wouldn’t get much of a reaction out of him,” Suzanne added.

It was a bit frustrating for her because she really thought Patrick was a great guy, but didn’t feel like he missed Suzanne enough.

And it was mostly Suzanne who made the effort to plan things so they could go out again.

It got to a point where she started to think he was slipping away.

That was when she decided to do something about it.

“If I was going to lose him, I might as well try a few things to see if it would get him back,” Suzanne said.

After she made a few changes, it did make a difference.

Patrick started replying right away, and he was the one who texted first thing in the morning.

If he wasn’t sending Suzanne sweet messages throughout the day, he was making plans to see her.

And when they got together again, he finally told Suzanne what she wanted to hear:

“Hey, I really missed you.”

Are you doing enough?

How to make him miss you badly!

For a lot of women, everything seems fine and dandy when they’re with their guy.

The tricky part is when they start spending time away from each other. There’s the risk of him drifting off and losing interest.

And the problem is that these women go about it the wrong way. They think that have to pull some attention-grabbing stunt like going on social media and playing the jealousy game.

Chances are he’s not going to fall for the “Look at me with these other guys on Facebook” trick.

It’s going to backfire and it won’t make him think about you more.

A better way is to give him hints and reminders that you’re someone worth thinking about 24/7.

With a little finesse, you can make him long for you like no other woman has.

Here are 7 Great Ways To Make A Man Miss You:

How to make him miss you badly!

#1: A little info goes a long way

Oversharing is one of the biggest turn-offs for a guy. I can’t tell you how many times women have shot themselves in the foot with this one mistake!

This applies more to someone you’re just getting to know. And if you think he might be the The One, you’ll be tempted to open up to him.

I’ve noticed that women do this to strengthen their bond with a guy as quickly as possible.

It’s a big mistake though, because trying to rush things with a guy emotionally is not a good recipe for romance.

And trying to fast-track that connection with him is likely to freak him out.

Kevin, a lawyer from Florida, once told me, “Everything was going great with this girl Tiffany whom I asked out to dinner. But then she started talking about her exes. I nearly choked on my steak when she told me about…the things she used to do with them. I don’t know what her deal was, and the only reason I didn’t sneak out the bathroom window was because they didn’t have one!”

You’re probably not as explicit as Tiffany when it comes to personal details (I hope!), but you get the idea.

Avoid talking about the touchy, personal areas of your life for now. If ever you wander into that territory, don’t give detailed answers and change the subject.

There’s no need to fudge the facts, but you don’t need to beat him over the head with it, either.

There’s plenty of time for that stuff later on. For now, give him some room to wonder about what makes you tick!

Click here to discover the sure-fire way to make him stay… <= How to make him miss you badly!

#2: Dress to kill

Of course, you want him to love you for who you are, and not just for what you look like.

If he only liked your body and nothing else, what kind of a relationship would that be?

But having said that, the way you present yourself STILL matters.

I don’t care if you’ve known the guy for 3 weeks or 3 decades. If you stop caring about your looks and all that other basic stuff, it sends the wrong message.

I’ll share a little secret with you – 99% of the men I know don’t want a supermodel for a partner.

They just need to know that she’s not going to trade her flattering outfits for a ratty shirt and sweatpants…

…stop going to the gym…

…or think hygiene is overrated.

I mean, even if someone like Brad Pitt dressed like a slob, you probably wouldn’t like him either, right?

(Ok, maybe that wasn’t the best example…but you know where I’m going with this.)

So, stay on top of your game. Choose the right wardrobe and makeup (as much or as little of it as you need) to underscore your femininity.

Let your clean, fresh appearance do the talking. Care about what you eat and burn those calories.

You don’t need to be perfect (because NO one is), and it’s not a prerequisite for making him miss you.

The point is to look good and more importantly, FEEL GOOD about yourself.

He’ll feel that confidence radiating from your whole body. And THAT’S what will keep him coming back for more.

#3: Hold your horses

As much as you want him to want you, you should always keep the long game in mind.

As we talked about earlier, a little intrigue is healthy in a relationship.

It makes him want to pursue you, and put in the work to win you over.

Men absolutely love a woman who’s up for a challenge. There’s a lot at stake when it comes to dating, but you still need to make it a FUN game for him.

Don’t give him what he wants all the time, and don’t smother him with sweetness.

Maybe on some days you’re extra affectionate (whether it’s face-to-face or through texts/emails/etc.)…

…then other times, you’re very friendly BUT platonic towards him.

Just when he thinks, “I’ve got this in the bag”, you come out of nowhere and play mental judo with him.

Oh, how guys love/hate this one!

Trust me, as a guy, I love being TEASED.

Bear in mind however, he needs to know he’s still in the game and that this will eventually lead somewhere.

Keep it light, playful and good-natured so that he sticks around and thinks about you.

#4: Get a life

An awesome one, that is.

I don’t know about other guys, but I’m not sure how to feel about a woman who’s obviously not doing much aside from waiting for me to call her.

Men actually don’t like it when you’re TOO available for them.

It’s kind of like playing chess with someone…

How would you feel if the other person suddenly yelled out, “Checkmate, you got me!” even before you made the first move?

It wouldn’t be any fun, right?

Again, it’s all about CHALLENGE.

And living a happening, interesting life is one way to make your guy feel the bittersweet pain of your absence.

Don’t go on the ol’ social media machine and post pictures of you at a party…

…while you’re spending your free time watching “Sex and the City” reruns in bed with a bag of chips.

(Do women actually do that? If not, just insert your sedentary activity of choice.)

Live your life from a genuine place and invest your time in doing things that help you GROW.

And sometimes, that means you’ll have to hold off on seeing him (which is way different from dropping off the face of the earth) because you’ve already made plans before he asked you.

Women who are totally engaged with their lives effortlessly project a grounded, mature (read: NOT boring), yet fascinating personality.

When he sees how much fun you’re having from doing the things you’re passionate about…

…he’ll want to gatecrash the party and get in on the action!

He’ll be like, “She looks cool. I can totally see myself hanging out with her. Bet she’s amazing in bed, too.”

(Whoops, did I just say that? But it’s true...)

Discover Why Men Pull Away – and make sure he’ll NEVER leave you… <= How to make him miss you badly

#5: Positivity breeds positivity

How To Make Him Miss You Badly!

Fun has been a recurring theme in this article, and for good reason.

Men don’t want to be around someone who brings down their energy. We’re driven, competitive, and we like people who lift us up.

And it’s the same with a romantic partner: no one likes a party pooper.

Look, I know you can’t be Pollyanna and spout platitudes of sunshine and happiness all the time. We all have our bad days.

Nevertheless, it’s important to him that you have a generally positive attitude – and not walk around with a dark cloud hanging over your head.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

– “Do I find myself complaining a lot? Do I rant on social media every time something bad happens – or comment on every piece of bad news out there?”

– “When I’m with my guy, do I talk crap about my co-workers, relatives and friends?”

– “Do I try to see the best in people and situations? Or do I tend to assume the opposite?”

I’m not saying that you’re a miserable person, but it does help to do a little self-reflection and awareness – especially when you’re around your guy.

#6: Practice radio silence every now and then

Nope, I don’t mean cutting off all contact and see how he reacts.

Playing hard to get to an extent is fine, but it isn’t about manipulating his emotions or making him feel bad.

So all I’m asking is that you don’t broadcast every single thing you’re doing.

He doesn’t need to know what you’re having for lunch, or how Linda from Marketing hogged the floor during the office meeting.

Social networking sites are a bit to blame because it adds to the “Gimme my 15 minutes” culture.

And technology in general is making it way TOO easy for us to bombard other people with the mundane aspects of our lives.

This special guy of yours isn’t your best friend or mother. He’s perfectly fine wondering a little what you’re up to.

In fact, it’s the perfect way to avoid making him feel crowded. Give him the headspace to think about you, rather than trying too hard to insert yourself in his thoughts.

#7: Finish STRONG

How To Make Him Miss You Badly!

Ever heard the expression “stick the landing”?

It’s when an athlete finishes a move in style (like in gymnastics) and strikes a cool pose – often to thunderous applause.

In dating, you can do the same and leave a strong impression in a guy’s mind. That way, he’ll be counting the minutes until he sees you again.

How To Make Him Miss You Badly!

Here are a few ways to do this:

Don’t let the date go and on. Eventually, the energy level will go down and that’s not the best time to say your goodbyes. Have a set time, and let him know you have to be up early for work tomorrow.

So, that means you’ll need to make him feel great while he’s with you. Don’t make the conversation all about you, give him a chance to share his stories, and tell your own (positive and funny ones work best).

Touch his arm, punch him playfully on the shoulder or mess up his hair (if the situation allows it). Physical cues of attraction are key.

After your date, he’ll keep replaying that wonderful experience in his head over and over again.

Remember when Netflix wasn’t a thing yet and you had to wait a whole week to see the next episode?

I kinda miss that, and I actually liked cliffhangers because it gave me something to look forward to.

Plus, it was nice to be able to digest what I just watched. Nowadays, we’re overindulging ourselves by binge-watching the whole thing till our eyes glaze over.

In the same way, you’ve got to pace yourself so he doesn’t get sick of you. That’s the whole point of the game.

But if you’ve been doing most of what we’ve just talked about and he’s STILL pulling away…

…there might be something more serious going on here.

A lot of women struggle with this problem, and they’re often clueless why they can’t stop their man from slipping through their fingers.

However, you don’t have to feel powerless about this situation. I hope you enjoyed how to make him miss you badly article.

There’s still hope and you can start by learning about Why Men Pull Away in this shocking video: 

Click HERE now to keep him from leaving and win his heart back for good…