#so many barisi opportunities

[backyardflames]

I genuinely think that Barisi are my ultimate 'missed opportunity' ship. I've got a lot of relatively varied ships, some that have happened, some that haven't, but for some reason, its Barba/Carisi that get me the most. It was such a waste, on so many levels. The story opportunities it could have provided? The importance of it? The way it would have worked perfectly within the confines of a show that doesn't really do relationships as a focus. The way it could have worked with Raul's one ep per season thing since he left?

The fact that they had writers on board for it happening? The actors were on board with the idea? The chemistry? The compatibility of the characters? The possibilities were endless and the impact would have been beautiful. At least we've got some awesome fic to remember them by!

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Oh my god I want a directors commentary on everything you've ever written lol but maybe something from making an agent or the lawyer and the piano bar?

Making An Agent

What made me want to write this?

I think I mentioned in the author's notes that I got the idea for this series from a very similar series that I wrote for back when I was in the Vin Diesel fandom. It was a really cool concept that I thought would be interesting with the characters that Raúl Esparza has on his resume. So I thought, who is the most likely to be involved in an organization like R.A.U.L? Nevada and Rafael both came to mind, but I had been writing Nevada in Cuba v DR for so long that I worried I would bring a lot of that Nevada into this story, and I wanted it to be differenr. I also wanted to play around with what I knew could be a hilarious dynamic with Rafael being pulled into this organization.

Making an Agent specifically allowed me to show Rafael becoming an actual secret agent, but also gave me a chance to flush out Headquarters, which would be a permanent fixture in the series. Making an Agent was more of a fun, laid back story that was mainly for worldbuilding and character development.

Where did I get the idea for Charlie?

I was heavily influenced by Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker's character from the show, Weeds) for Charlie's personality, specifically for her humor. The rest was me wanting to give her some baggage so that her interactions with Rafael would be more interesting and there would be more potential depth for explore. Her code name is actually based on a tattoo that Nancy gets later in the series, but I had it mean something completely different for Charlie. For Nancy, it was a reminder of the first man she killed. For Charlie, however, it was a reminder that anyone can turn their life around, no matter how far gone they may seem.

I chose Mary Louise Parker as my face claim for Charlie because I thought she would look good paired with Rafael and because I hadn't seen anyone use her as a face claim for any other story.

The Lawyer and the Piano Bar

What made me want to write this?

This story came about from me wanting to write a mlm story with Rafael but not wanting it to be a Barisi story. Don't get me wrong, I love Barisi to pieces, but I wanted to explore a gay relationship with Rafael and a character outside of the context of SVU. It all started with the banner I made with Scott Caan and Raúl Esparza. From there, I started imaging what their relationship might look like.

I knew I didn't want the story to focus too heavily on the procedural aspect of Rafael's character, though I did incorporate a subplot where Rafael asks Liv for help in trying to solve the murder of Sebastian's mom. But I wanted this story to be primarily a romance story about two men who fall in love.

Where did I get the idea for Sebastian?

Scott is very artsy in real life as far as how he dressed and some of his hobbies so I incorporated some of his personal style and his love of the arts into the character of Sebastian. I chose to make him an aspiring composer because I knew it would be a good fit for Rafael love of the theatre and because it would give me the opportunity to explore a male character who leans into his emotions, as they are essentially his bread and butter.

I wanted to create a juxtaposition between Rafael's very organized lifestyle and that of a disorganized musician. I figured they could find common ground in that they both experienced life-altering events in their childhood that heavily influenced who they became as adults.

Another fun part of dreaming up Sebastian was imagining the people in his life. I wanted to give him his own world because in many ways, he exists solely for Rafael, but I didn't want him to actually solely exist for Rafael, if that makes sense. I wanted to give him his own dreams, his own cherished relationships, especially since I plan to explore Rafael's relationship with Liv in this fic

I'm not sure what else I could put in a director's commentary, but feel free to ask questions if you have them, and thank you so much for this ask! It was fun to think about these answers ❤️

[soliloquivm]

⸻DJ COTRONA HE + HIM / have you ever heard of FIRE TO THE FUSE BY JACKSON WANG., well, it describes LUCIANO BARISI to a tee! the FORTY year old, FORMER MERCENARY was spotted browsing through the stalls at portobello road market last sunday, do you know them? would you say HE is more aggressive or more WILLFUL instead? anyway, they remind me of smoke pillowing into the air , camouflage and combat boots , one too many energy drinks to get through the night, maybe you’ll bump into them soon!

time in notting hill : two years birthplace : florence , italy sexuality : bisexual relationship status : single

✮ life was normal , he was raised by a standard middle class family that owned a small tourist shop in town , they went to church every sunday ( and some saturdays ) and luciano went to public school where he was the average student with plenty of friends . ✮ looking back , luciano would say his life was dull and lacked the excitement he would meet in the future , and while he had multiple opportunities to make things more exciting , he'd always found himself obnoxiously complacent . ✮ the problem was that luciano was too smart for his own good , and bored even then , so when offered a spot at one of the best schools in the country , he didn't accept , instead he decided to take on odd jobs to make some money , and do favors for the locals . ✮ it was one favor that he hadn't expected to turn his entire life around . he was meant to deliver a parcel , nothing too exciting , and certainly not out of the ordinary , but when he arrived at his destination , he'd met someone that would ultimately change his life forever . ✮ he could never tell what it was that had him offered a low ranking position in a global mercenary group , but he was , regardless . he believed that while he was smart enough to get by , there wasn't anything remarkable , but this gave him an opportunity to get out of the rut he'd been in , and excel at something new . a challenge that he couldn't wait to accept . ✮ training had been tough , and he was surrounded by former soldiers looking for a place to fit in --- and it was there that he realized he didn't . regardless he trained hard , worked hard , and did everything in his power to rise through the ranks , and to everyone's surprise ? he did . the kid from florence that didn't have military background or experience in war like the rest of them , had the same fight as any solider with the company . ✮ it was after one too many treacherous jobs that luciano decided it was time to step back , his age was getting to him , and looking at war from a corporate point of view had made him bitter , it was a dark , ugly world out there and sometimes , luciano sought out the idea to simply breathe the fresh air of normalcy , so he found himself a place in notting hill , where at least , he could pretend to forget what he'd seen out there .

[rahleeyah]

Hi Leah!

Scrolling through this app I’ve seen so many different parts of this SVU fandom. Recently, I’ve discovered Barisi. I’m so late to this. I know. But with my EO blinders on I haven’t really given attention to other ships. But OMG I had no idea how big this Barisi ship was. From what I seen on Tumblr and AO3, prior to Stablers return, they were the largest ship in the fandom. Since I’m a bit of a Barba fan (in my mind his last two episodes don’t exist), I liked a Barba gif set now I’m seeing more Barisi gifs, Barisi manips, Barisi drabbles. I even started reading Barisi fan fics. And you know what? I don’t hate it. The fics cute and fun. Some are on the level of my favorite EO fics. So now I’m wondering why didn’t we get it on the show? A smile and a glance here or there. A little flirty lunch or dinner. A relationship. If the fans were there why didn’t they just give it a try? I don’t know if I could trust the 2.0 writers. Warren Leight would have made them go through some torturous storyline to earn their first date. Lol I just feel like it was a missed opportunity for a cute SVU couple. No shade to Rollisi fans! I know Carisa’s taken now. Lol

Why do you think they didn’t make it canon? Do you think it would have worked on the show?

Oh my godddddddd nonnie this is so cute 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm 100% here for barisi tbh I love it. Like I'm not reading the fic but I see the two of them together and I'm like "yup I see it i hope they're very happy together" 💀

But as to why they didn't ever do it - there's two reasons I think. One, they were never gonna have a queer relationship between two mains on SVU. I think that's just tptb. They just weren't gonna do it. We had Kat for a split second and she promptly vanished, but Kat wasn't in a queer relationship with another main. That's just the cold hard truth, this show is heteronormative and always will be. They want the middle American audience, they're gonna play to the lowest common denominator. They may slip in a queer character but they're not gonna have two, together, at once. While the fandom is big it is a drop in the bucket compared to the millions of other people who watch the show, and the people calling the shots are not looking to fandom to guide them. Fandom trends young, queer, and female anyway, and that's not their target demographic.

The second, equally practical but somewhat less depressing reason is: SVU doesn't want their mains to date. It's messy, logistically speaking; they either have to have their happily ever after (which tptb are convinced is the death knell for their show) or they have to break up. What if they don't want to shake up the cast? They need a will they won't they, which they initially had with EO and then had with rollisi, but they don't want to do the full romance. I mean, look at rollisi. They get together and now Amanda is on her way out. They don't want to write established relationships and they won't risk two main characters on one. And since Carisi was already in a Thing with Rollins, they weren't gonna spend airtime on him having Moments with barba.

It's one of those things. The show could do so many different things but ultimately, it is what it is. It's a hot dog cart, it's not selling filet mignon. We have to make the good shit ourselves.

[solesurvivorkat]

AO3 Author Promo

Tagged by @noonvvraith & @teamhawkeye, thank you ladies!  :-D  <3

LONG post - I didn’t want to delete anyone’s name b/c all of us writers know how valuable word-of-mouth can be!  :-D (My personal AO3 info is at the very bottom)

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Thanks for the tag @novemberhush ! 💜

My fics on AO3 can be found here also under the name tabbytabbytabby. I’m gonna list ships I have fics for by fandoms below (since I have 640 fics across many fandoms and this seems like the easiest way).

Teen Wolf: Sterek, Thiam, Liam/Mason, Derek/Theo, Derek/Danny, Derek/Theo/Stiles, Sceo, Steo,  Isaac/Theo, Mason/Theo, Theo/Greenberg, Scott/Theo/Stiles, Nolan/Theo, Morey, Isaac/Nolan, Scisaac, Isaac/Danny, Liam/Isaac, Allisaac, Scanny, Scott/Nolan, Sciles, Stackson, Coach Finstock/Sheriff Stilinski, Laura/Marin, Laura/Lydia, Mason/Greenberg, Derek/Greenberg, Garrett/Greenberg, Danny/Greenberg, Danny/Corey, Danny/Jackson, Laura/Parrish, Allison/Violet, Cora/Lydia

9-1-1 / 9-1-1 Lone Star: Buddie, Tarlos

Merlin: Merthur

All American: Ashivia, Jasher

Game of Thrones: Braime, Gendrya, Theonsa

Chicago Fire: Brett/Casey

The Rookie: Chenford

Supernatural: Destiel

Harry Potter: Fremione, Drarry, Oliver/Percy

The Witcher: Geraskier

Prodigal Son: Malcolm/JT

Crossover pairings: Steve Harrington/Stiles Stilinski, Malcolm Bright/Stiles Stilinski, Draco/Theo, Allison Argent/Alaska Young, Olivia Baker/Greenberg, Dallas Winston/Billy Hargrove (and probably more that I missed)

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novemberhush:

Thanks for the tag @all-or-nothing-baby ! 😘 Everyone, go check out her fics!

Okay, folks, here’s my AO3 link. I go by novemberhush over there too and among my work you will find stories for:-

Sterek (Teen Wolf)

Buddie (9-1-1)

Marvey (Suits)

Johnlock (BBC Sherlock)

McDanno (Hawaii Five-O)

Barisi (Law and Order: SVU)

Lewis/Hathaway (Lewis)

Thomas Barrow/Andy Parker a.k.a. ParkBarrow (Downton Abbey)

Thomas Barrow/Philip Lombard (Downton Abbey, And Then There Were None)

And my (so far) only attempt at writing something for the Supernatural fandom, a Dean/Sam Wincest fic (nothing physical actually happens between the guys, but there are incestuous feelings involved so it’s a case of don’t like, don’t read)

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all-or-nothing-baby:

i’m on mobile, so here’s a clunky-link… (ooh, I do like the way that sounds). if anyone is interested, i’ve got:

Destiel (SPN)

Megriel ( || )

Saileen ( || )

Sterek (Teen Wolf)

Sheriarty (BBC Sherlock)

Johnlock ( || )

The Unholy Trinity (Preacher)

Cherik (X-Men: Alternate Timeline Movies)

…and i have a lot I need to and will upload soon. also, i currently have some Symbrok (Venom) and Hannibal WIPs waiting in the wings.

all-or-nothing-baby | Archive of Our Own

my pseud is BundleOfSoy, btw

AND IF ANYONE WHO FANCIES GIVING ME SOME PROMPTS IN MY ASK BOX… ASK AWAY

…and i’ll take forever to write them! na, i’ll try my best xD

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verobatto-angelxhunter:

Quarantine Reading material!

To all my writers friends, let’s share our AO3 works with our beloved SPN fandom in these times of despair. Bring some sunshine to this family!

I’m BENKA79 in AO3 and here is my works link.

Love you all! 😘💕💕

Thanks for the tag @tabbytabbytabby!

My AO3 is here, and my fandoms are all over the place XD

Inception (Arthur/Eames), Teen Wolf (Sterek), How to Get Away with Murder (Coliver), Hollyoaks (Jarry), Dragon Age (various), Mass Effect (various), Marvel (Winteriron), As the world turns (Lure), to name the main ones, but there’s many others.

I would also like to take this opportunity to bring special attention to this fic (@spacerhapsody consider yourself tagged! :P) Please just click the link.

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Thanks for the tag @hazelestelle !!

I only wrote for one fandom (ME:A) and one pairing (f!reyder), but here’s the link to my AO3… Part 1 and 2 of Let’s Push Things Forward are completed, but concerning Part 3 I really don’t know if I’ll ever finish it… so, maybe best not to read that one, even though it’s prolly my favorite ;)

There’s also two smutty collections (here & here), for those of you interested xD

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Thank you for tagging me, @obvidalous ♥!

This is my AO3.

Nowadays, I’m only writing for Far Cry 5 fandom (and just one pairing, Jacob Seed/Female Deputy), but there’s also Mass Effect, Mass Effect Andromeda and Dragon Age one-shots there.

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thank you @starsandskies and @shellibisshe ❤️❤️❤️

my Ao3 is here

i’ve written for Far Cry 5, John Seed/Female Deputy specifically, as well as for Resident Evil, for Claire Redfield x Leon Kennedy

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@starsandskies @teamhawkeye thank you both so much for the tag, i pretty much saw this right when i woke up and it made my entire day 💕

My AO3 is here

Most of my writing there is Pacific Rim (Chaleigh for life) and a mix of FC4 (love writing Ajay) and FC5 (some reader insert/ a deputy with each of the Seeds).

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@weekend-writer , thank u for the tag, rey! <3

my AO3 is here ( i don’t like…post anything ever or really write anything unless my ONE brain cell demands it but there’s some trash there for u )

- fandom (s) : DAYS GONE, THE WAYHAVEN CHRONICLES, & FC5

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ME (SoleSurvivorKat):

Thank you again for the tag @noonvvraith & @teamhawkeye! Love you guys!  :-D  <3

HERE is my AO3 (’Kat123′).

I have 2 main fics/WIPs: one Fallout 4 one (’Shadow of Steel’ = FemSole/Maxson, FemLoneW/Danse), and one Far Cry 5 one (’The Book of John’ = FemDep/John Seed). I’ve also done a few one-shots & gift one-shots for people as well (which you’ll see on my ‘works’ page)

[novemberhush]

7-7-7 WIP Game

Hey, @smowkie tagged me in this game to go to one of my WIPs, go to the seventh page, post the first seven sentences on that page then tag seven other people to do the same. Unfortunately I don’t have any WIPs with seven pages so I’m just going to post seven sentences from my latest WIP, which I’ve only just started. It’s a Barisi fic and I’m hoping it will be a short, quick little thing to get me back into writing (it’s been a few months since I really wrote anything), but the last Barisi fic I worked on was also supposed to be a lot shorter than it ended up being so I’m not holding my breath. Also, I’m cheating in another way in that I’ve actually left one line out of the following excerpt because it contains a spoiler I don’t want to give away just yet. So basically I just completely ignored the rules of the game. Oops.

Sonny saw her first. Smile flashing, skin glowing, hair glossy and immaculate. Gliding through the room like she owned it, with a warm word for everyone and a red dress that perfectly straddled the line between sexy and classy.

He wanted to kick himself. He hadn’t known she was going to be there, but he should’ve guessed it. There were too many players and people with influence, people with real political clout, here for her to miss the opportunity to have some time with them.

There were still too many issues that were going unaddressed by those currently in power, still too many people being left behind, she said, mainly because they’d had the misfortune to be born without a silver spoon in their mouth.

I tag @jennoasis @sassenach-on-the-rocks @yetanothersterekblog @thesightlesssniper @frivoloussuits @mforpaul @evanesdust and anyone else who wants to play. No pressure on anyone who doesn’t, of course, or anyone who’s already done one recently and doesn’t feel like doing it again. 😊😘

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Gag Order (Barisi)

Summary: Sonny doesn’t understand why no one else gets why he did what he did [Sequel to “It’s Not too Late” but can be read as stand alone]

WC: 2336

Read on AO3

They’ve given Sonny gloves, thick black insulators that make his palms damp because despite what they think, he’s still human and still can’t keep too high a body temperature. He’s not made of fire. They’re cautious in their keeping of him in their neat, secure facility with a cold bed and bars on his thick plexiglass windows. Caged for their comfort like an oddity in a zoo rather than a person, pointed at as he paces with his hands cuffed carefully behind his back so he can’t remove the stifling gloves. They’re afraid of him. And they should be. Given the opportunity, he’d run and do it all over again. Cowards. Too afraid of change to their broken society. Whether they like it or not, he has only started a revolution. Let them imprison him, experiment on him. He’s said his piece and more people will rise up as he has against the world.

The thing about the brass is that they don’t know what it’s like on the streets. Hungry and thirsty children with wanting eyes and wide mouths. Bodies that were shells even before death strewn over sidewalks and dumpsters. The city’s hands are bloody but with a fresh start, maybe it can survive. Life, pure life, finds a way like the weeds in pavement cracks. Rafael used to complain about them, but Sonny’s always found their resilience to be beautiful. Like people, like roaches, they’re hard to remove and impossible to eliminate. Evolution has made something wondrous, something that survives despite efforts to destroy the few pretty things left in life.

“When did you call a lawyer?” a guard asks, peering into Sonny’s cell with keys in hand, searching and searching for the right one.

“I didn’t.”

A firm grip on his arm drags him from the four walls that he’s considered home for the past indeterminate length of time. He has no clock, nothing to count days with. If it weren’t for the occasional chatter of the guards to each other about their lives, he thinks he’d go crazy. Isolation has never been something he handled well. Down the hallway past death row inmates, he’s brought to a room empty save for a table and two chairs, at one of which sits a hunched over figure. Sonny knows that salt and pepper hair, the languid swish of that handwriting, that scowl, those piercing pale green eyes.

“Uncuff my client,” Rafael says coldly.

The guard scrambles to obey because something in Rafael’s tone leaves no room for argument. When his hands are free, Sonny stretches his arms immediately, moaning at the release of forced tension. He takes his gloves off too, throwing them down on the table. Red welts from too tight metal for too long throb in the open air, but he keeps the pain off his face to the best of his abilities. Rafael gestures for him to sit and orders the guard out, leaving them alone. Face to face like adversaries despite the fact that they had once been in love. It’s Rafael’s face that he used to wake up to every morning with a grin. Things had been so good. He doesn’t understand why it had to end.

“I brought you something.”

Rafael produces Sonny’s favorite hoodie and sets it between them like a peace offering. Up on that roof, before Rafael let them arrest him and steal the one thing he had left, it had been a security blanket. Full of memories of their shared apartment, being loved and cherished and wanted. When he first bought it, he knew it would become his first friend after a particularly long day at work. That Rafael not only remembered it but brought it to him makes him hate his once-lover who gave him up to the police a little less. Rafael is hard not to love. And he hates that, hates not being able to calm his racing heart. It isn’t fair that he has to feel like this when Rafael clearly doesn’t want to be the same ever again. He isn’t allowed late night kisses before bed or stolen glances in court anymore. All of that is gone.

He picks up the hoodie anyways and slips it on over his starchy standard-issue shirt. Its softness and familiarity have been missed. Something so small has made a world of difference but all he can do is nod in thanks. Funny, he used to be the one with all the words but now he has none. Rafael no longer smiles speechlessly at every affectionate moment, shy kisses over breakfast, neat brushes of lips on their way out the door. He misses those moments most of all. In the silence, he wraps himself in the old warmth memories drip over his head like the hot showers he hasn’t been allowed to take since his arrest. They’re too afraid of letting him near anything warm, lest he use it to destroy their prison like he did Manhattan. This place too, is dirty beyond repair. He’d like to fix it, starting by leveling those who’ve been placed here because of their unspeakable crimes.

“You told them you’re my lawyer?”

“I am. Even you get due process, Sonny.”

Looking up at him, Sonny feels the pain from the confrontation. Rafael had called him sweetheart and held him, like everything would be okay. Then he betrayed him in the blink of an eye without an ounce of remorse on his penciled face. “Even me? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You murdered thousands of innocent people.”

“No one is innocent, you know that better than anyone. And it’s worth it. We have to start from scratch.”

Rafael leans back in his chair and studies Sonny with his analytical eyes. He used to look at perps like this, trying to figure them out and get under their skin. It’s his way of learning how to win, because he hates to lose. Whether it’s court or a ‘friendly’ game of scrabble, he likes to win. He likes to be right. This is just an elaborate game of chess to him, it has to be. Personal investment is out of the question when Rafael has taken his cold and callous exterior and turned it to Sonny, using it against him like he hasn’t since before they got together. What a happy night that had been, sharing a bottle of wine and Rafael using an uncharacteristically tiny voice to ask if they could turn several shared nights into a relationship. They hadn’t known how much that would destroy them both. Rafael’s kisses have always been warm, just like the rest of him. Cuban blood, Rafael had joked once, when the winter was chilly and despite his own protests, his skin had been the only thing capable of thawing Sonny’s icy exterior. With his hands the sole source of heat, he struggles to keep the rest of him from shivering.

“So you are crazy, then.”

“I thought you were on my side,” Sonny says. “You told me I’m not a monster. You told me I’m a good man. And you’re here to represent me. Doesn’t that mean you’re supposed to believe me? Or did that die when you left me?”

The look on Rafael’s face is pained when he answers, “I just don’t know anymore.”

Over the table, they stare each other down, statue to statue with frigid gazes. Inside, they’re both human, although the exact percentage is something Sonny debates often with the wall of his cell. Humans, or at the very least, normal people, don’t bleed fire from the pores in the palms of their hands. Rafael is human, though. It shows in his aging with every passing second and the way he gave Sonny up when they had the option to start over. He had given Rafael a choice, something that the dignity of which had never even been considered something to give to him. Nothing is fair anymore, hasn’t been since the morning Rafael was selfish in the hospital and then salted the wound while opening a new one. He abandoned him. Left him alone in the world like he always has been and this time it was just too fucking much. He’s tired of being treated as disposable.

“Are you here for the police again? Make me confess to you or something?”

“Even if I was, it wouldn’t be admissible because you’re under the impression that we currently have attorney/client privilege. You passed the bar, Sonny, you know that.”

He isn’t sure he knows anything anymore, if he’s honest. Trying to save the world, the same thing he’s always done, has suddenly made him a criminal comparable with the monsters he’s used to taking off the streets. Back when he and Rafael were a team, putting them away together and knowing that Manhattan- the world- was a better place for it. Many late nights were spent poring over notes and case law together with Sonny’s legs tucked under himself and his head resting comfortably on Rafael’s shoulder. Bad guys would go away, and hopefully by the time they reemerge, if they ever do, they’re incapable of hurting anyone else ever again. That’s the goal. Make the streets somewhere safe for Sonny’s nieces, and one day his kids because he’s always wanted to be a father. Rafael didn’t, he said that he works too much, he’s terrible with kids, they can’t afford it. In truth, Sonny thinks that it’s because he’s petrified of becoming his father. It’s stupid because although he hides it well, Rafael is a sweet man who makes a point to shut the door softly when he’s mad. When he comes home, he takes off his shoes and his coat. He smiles in the sunshine. The truth is that he’s a nice man, a good man, and he would’ve been a good father if he wasn’t so ruined by his worst fear.

“I don’t know much of anything anymore. Especially not about you.”

“You aren’t being fair.”      

The look he shoots Rafael says it all. They got good at that after a while, saying everything they needed to in a split second without a single word passing their lips. It was useful for conversations held over the table in the squadroom, or when Sonny needed Rafael to see the same opening in court that he did. Now it’s just a fragile reminder of all that they used to have and be. Why can’t Rafael understand? The world needs fixing. It has to be changed and reshaped and cleansed.

Waiting for more words to pass between them, he starts drumming his fingers on the cold tabletop like it’ll tell him what to do or say. On instinct more than anything, flames start to flicker in his palms, warming the cold air but not the frigid atmosphere that lingers between them. The last time they were this unfamiliar were the early days of their then friendship, still getting to know each other and figuring out what they would become. Sonny remembers those days, sitting on Rafael’s desk and calling him counselor, trying not to blush like a schoolgirl, and thinking that he would never have a chance. He did have one, and he blew it. He always does that. Things will be going great, then he fucks it up because he can’t leave well-enough alone. Long past are tentative kisses on the doorstep and unsure hands beneath shirts in the dark. He doesn’t miss the arguments, but he misses when things were good. Rafael was the yin to his yang, the calm to his storm. Now they’re little more than adversaries staring each other down over the visiting room table of a maximum security prison eager to keep him imprisoned and away from the public eye. Vanishing is more convenient for the government, because it offers him no escape, no way out, nothing but a lifetime of incarceration and eventually death. Maybe they’ll off him sooner rather than later, save the judicial system some money caring for what they barely regard as a human person.

“I’m not being fair? You tricked me, Raf. You didn’t want to help me, you just wanted to help them catch me.”

“That’s not true. If I didn’t get you to relax, they would have taken you in by force. I’m here to help you, get you a plea deal so that you don’t spend the rest of your life between four heavy duty concrete walls.” Rafael plays with his pen the way he does when he’s thinking. “Your best bet is probably an insanity plea. You’re delusional, you thought you were doing the right thing, you didn’t know you were in the wrong. You’ll probably be locked up with the criminally insane, but it’s a lot better than here.”

Sonny lifts his hand from the table and studies the fire in it. “I’m not crazy. I’m a visionary.”

“Do you want to spend the rest of your life in prison?”

“No.”

“Then you plead insanity.”

His next moves are instinct. To defend himself, his mission, the city, he has to eliminate all obstacles, even if that includes his defense attorney and former lover. He’s just so angry, and it fills him with the urge to make it all go away. The world needs to start over. He’s doing this for the good of everyone else, not himself. It’s all the innocent people that he has to save. He repeats to himself that he’s doing it for them when he lunges over the table. His hoodie hangs loose around him as his hands turn the skin of every part of Rafael he touches to an angry pink. All he can hear is the sound of blood rushing in his ears, watching the warm colors of his fire and Rafael’s burns get more saturated until his arms are wrenched behind his back and he’s dragged away. Cuffs return to his hands and as he’s taken away, he sees Rafael start to cry.

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[astronautmike-dexter]

Song prompt: Mess Is Mine by Vance Joy ^^ thank you!

Ahhhhh I finally did this? Disclaimer: Vance Joy songs are nearly always Barisi. ALWAYS. Anyway, I hope this was okay, I’ve done exactly 0 seconds of proofreading or editing. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

_____________

A text message was all it took for Rafael to completely change his mind. He had always been strong in his convictions and decisions. He had always maintained that nothing would be able to alter his thoughts, which took precedence over his feelings.

One text message, and everything changed.

'Coffee tomorrow? 8am?'

It would have been so easy to turn him down. But the thought of spending a Sunday morning catching up over coffee was too good an opportunity to miss, even if it would probably hurt him in the long run.

Some days he wished he could decipher his actions. Sure, he stood by them, but the intent or reason behind them sometimes evaded him.

He knew why he had kissed Sonny.

He knew why he had gone on dates with him, and let him into his home and life.

He just never knew why he could never let him into his heart.

His fucking broken, black heart.

There was so many times he wanted to scream it from the rooftops. To whisper it into Sonny’s ear. To moan it while on the brink of a perfect orgasm.

He could never do it.

He couldn’t give Sonny what he deserved, and he once again found himself alone. Protected by his own walls, but horribly alone.

Even now, in the cool haze of an early Fall morning, he was alone. The two hot coffees in his hands promised that would change. Showed him that he could change.

“I wasn’t sure if you would show up.”

A smile and tears and heartache threatened to spill over.

He chose to turn and face Sonny with a smirk.

“I would have thought my text saying I’d meet you here would be an indicator.”

Sonny chuckled, gratefully accepting the coffee.

“Walk?”

How could Rafael deny such a sweet offer from such a perfect man?

He had forgotten how easy conversations with Sonny were. Good-natured jabs, intelligent remarks, and wholesome tales were the standard with the detective.

It felt good.

It felt right.

He could say it now.

He could say it and make everything okay again.

If ever there were a time…

A clap of thunder sounded throughout the city. The droplets of rain landed on their heads first, and that should have been the end. At any other time or day or place, Rafael would say his goodbyes and headed on home. With any other man…

He didn’t want to though.

Just half an hour wandering the city with Sonny, and he felt strong. Stronger than he’d felt in a long time. The last time probably being a similar morning, at a similar time of year, lying in bed, holding each other close. It was all Rafael had ever needed, and he had thrown it all away.

Second chances were rare, and he wouldn’t let this one go away.

“Do you still live near here?”

A bold risk.

The rain was bucketing as they power-walked their way to Sonny’s apartment building. By the time they entered the apartment, it almost felt too familiar. The last time they had been here, Rafael had been dropping a bomb on their lives. Unspoken declarations were covered with spoken lies. Harsh words about one-sided attractions, and seeing things that weren’t there. Rafael had taken Sonny’s heart and utterly annihilated it.

Second chances were often not deserved. Did Rafael even deserve this?

“Sonny… why did you ask to see me?”

Once again, Rafael found himself being the source of pain and tears in Sonny’s eyes.

“I… I don’t know. Well, I do. But I think I was lying to myself when I asked you. I told myself it was just to patch up something wholly broken.”

“… But?”

“Raf,” he sighed, slumping onto his couch. “I’m so fucked up. You know, I didn’t even believe I liked guys before you? I couldn’t believe it. Hell, even after we broke- after we stopped hooking up, I wouldn’t believe it. I went right back to chicks like nothing happened.”

Rafael felt sick. If it had been any other man, he would be pissed that they felt the need to bring up last lovers. With Sonny though, the earnest begging for understanding was just heartbreaking.

“So, I’m here because…”

“You once told me that I felt too much. Cared too much. Maybe you’re right, but I’ve spent too long denying who I am based on the wants of others. I won’t do that anymore. I won’t-”

“I was wrong.” It was barely a whisper.

“I’m sorry?”

He cleared his throat.

“I was wrong.”

Rafael sat on the couch, close to Sonny. His eyes pleaded for Sonny to believe him.

“I heard you, I’m just in shock that you’d admit you were wrong.”

Rafael huffed a laugh.

“You wanted all of me. I’ve never… I was scared to give you that.”

“And now?”

The amount of hope in Sonny’s eyes was nearly overwhelming, and Rafael’s first instinct was to flee. He wouldn’t though. He wanted to give all of him to Sonny, the way Sonny had given all of himself to Rafael.

“It’s yours. All of it.”

He held a hand out to Sonny. An offer, if he would take it.

He did.

Their lips found each other’s, discovering each other once again.

“Raf, I-”

“I love you, Sonny.”

A year of pain and loneliness and alcohol, and he finally said it.

Sonny didn’t need to.

A year ago he had, and he had meant it, and he still did.

“I love you too, Rafael.”

He didn’t need to, but he did.

They were both fucked up, and in pain, and healing, and they had all of each other to hold. It was a mess, but it was theirs.

[poipoi1912]

Do you think the svu writers will ever actually be brave enough to make Sonny or Barba gay/bi? Like not even necessarily making Barisi canon, but just giving the show one main LGBT character who doesn't just mention it in passing.

I feel like the writers (not just the current writers, btw) aren’t that interested in being inclusive. There have been so many opportunities, so many new characters in the last handful of seasons, and none of them has been shown to be gay or bi. Not even a smaller character, like, say, Rita Calhoon. A throwaway line would have given us a sexy recurring LGBT character, but even that appears to be too much. And then there’s the fact almost all these characters are white, but that’s unrelated to your question.

When it comes to Sonny and Barba specifically, I don’t think the writers have put that much thought into their orientation, other than to say “straight by default”. This season, especially, they’re both written as one-dimensional, so I can’t even speculate on the writers’ intentions.

Based on the previous seasons, though, I feel that Sonny was initially written as too goofy to be anyone’s love interest. He was the comic relief, not a character with any sort of romantic potential. In S17, that changed (somewhat), and we saw a more confident Sonny, but that never translated to an actual romantic storyline for him. As for Barba, he’s the “married to the job” type of character, and he’s also never had an onscreen romantic relationship. Plus, he’s an ADA, so not a member of the squad, which results in him always being separated from the main plots.

Frankly, I don’t think the writers are that eager to write either of them as gay or bi (though there’s “Barba’s secret” coming up, so I’ll leave a 0.1% chance they tackle the issue of him possibly being bi). And I don’t know if it would be ‘brave’ to include a main LGBT character, but I do think it would just be too hard for the current writers, since they seem to shy away from personal storylines. The focus is on the cases alone.

To be fair, though, the old (1.0) writers never really bothered, either. We got Stabler’s family life (in extreme detail) and Benson’s struggles etc, but no one ever nothered to give Huang a (brief) personal storyline, a visit from a significant other, some type of visible love life. That wasn’t a priority, I guess, and that hasn’t changed, all those years later.

By the way, I don’t limit my thoughts on Sonny and Barba, when it comes to LGBT characters. I always thought that, out of all the recent (2.0) additions (Amaro, Rollins, Barba, Carisi and Dodds), the one who should have been anything-but-straight was Dodds.

A macho white guy, a daddy’s boy who grew up in privilege, a guy who seemed to have it all made, a guy who would have a real reason to stay in the closet (an overbearing father who was also his superior). I feel that would have given him some insight into the SVU cases, and it would have made him more relatable. Less predictable. More interesting. Since he was a one-and-done character, all they’d have to do was include a throwaway comment and turn his fiancee “Alice” into, like, “Alec”. Sure, we’d be veering into “is this because I’m a lesbian?” territory (i.e. an invisible lovelife for the gay character) but there would be some representation, at least.

Representation matters (which is why I, as a bi individual, get MAH LIFE from Lucifer, which has a bisexual male lead[!] plus a bisexual female supporting character) but SVU has never been that great about it, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

We did have Huang, and there’s Fin’s son, (both of whom were introduced in the 1.0 years) but that’s the most we can hope for, I guess. That elusive new character will likely not materialize this season (we’ll be getting a new straight love interest for Liv, instead, apparently) but maybe in S19 we can get, like, a badass lesbian WOC in my dreams.