#so maddie speaks intensely of suicide but it's layers of metaphor
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maddie's monolgue in i saw the tv glow was incredible, but it's interesting how so many viewers took her statement about burying herself literally. i think, generally, there are two veins of interpretation of this movie, reflecting which reality the viewer favors. you could believe that the tv show is the true "reality" of the movie, or that it's simply a surrealist backdrop to the story of one person's intense repression. in the latter interpretation, maddie's dialogue feels dangerous -- is she actually advocating suicide? or simply speaking in metaphor for the trans experience of coming out?
i felt that this scene tread the line between those two extremes. but more notably, i thought about acts of "suicide" a closeted or repressed lesbian would feel drawn to. the way that maddie describes the burnout guy she paid to bury him, how he didn't even know what he was doing -- to me, it felt like she was implying an act of sexual self-harm, testing her sexuality, "burying herself" in the emotional pain. the catharsis found in suffocating herself, allowing herself to dissociate and fade away, and then coming free with the understanding of who she really is... while i think her monologue can be taken in many ways, this interpretation resonates with me.
#i saw the tv glow#i love the idea that the real world in the movie is the suburbia#but the way maddie and owen are bound to their childhood fantasy#warps them entirely... a nostalgia that colors how they communicate w each other#so maddie speaks intensely of suicide but it's layers of metaphor#used as communication used as an olive branch... (holy shit these two are autistic as fuck)#the Real World take of this is strangely hopeful too#sometimes death is about shattering the last misconceptions you've had about yourself#sometimes to find yourself you must harm yourself some way. feel the right sort of pain...#owen i hope you find that heart you left behind when you were 15#it's waiting for you. in the light within you. if you’re willing to reach for it.#god i'm gonna be mulling over this film for a while#text
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