#so like. i guess im putting up with 10 hour days at 2 different jobs until who knows how long bc I'm like??? irl lonely???

[eeyes]

I dont have any friends or support near where i live and havent since i moved here 2017….. I guess it should be obvoous but ifeel alone more and more because my family completely does not care about me.

I dont leave the house at all bc i cant drive, i have medicare covered transportation for medical appointments, but ive given up on those bc they add up to 4 hours extra for waiting and if the weathers bad and its outside office hours after the appointment im waiting outside, or if im sick waiting in the lobby chairs takes so much out of me. Im depending on my dad who works full time for transportation and i always feel guilty because hes missing work.

The other person in my house who can drive is my sisters gf and at this point my relationship with her is the reason i need to leave this house immediately and i dont know how to make that possible. She used to drive me to appointments when i was fully wheelchair bound and she would sleep through appointments and cancel without notice or get mad at me bc i told her on short notice when i had appointments, bc i had memory issues/brain fog and could barely remember where i was at any given point.

When i starteyd regaining mobility i took charge of my humanity and told her she was evil for guilt tripping me for the missed appointments, when it was her fault. Sometimes it was my fault too but she couldnt own up to her missing appointments~2months of appointmwnts that made my case manager drop me from her file. Bc every morning i came in and the excuse was the same, my sisters gf had “insomnia” last night, when i saw that all last night she had been playing on the computer laughing it up getting drunk. And when SHE had therapy appointments she magically took responsibility and whent to bed on time. No one wants to hear how bad of a person they are so she does not want to hear the truth of her actions.

Because i did not let her gett away with gaslighting me on my missed appontments being her fault when i literally couldnt walk & had no other transportation options, she refuses to help me with transportation anymore, regardless of emergencies. I dont ask anymore but recently i scheduled a blood test concurrently with my sister (the one who is dating her) cuz i needed tested for diabetes, immune system, baselines for antibiotics. Brought up that i still badly needed the blood tests done to sisters gf, she told me the 2 of them already got it done without me, and literally laughed in my face and said “i dont owe you anything”. Shes laughed in my face and gaslit me and dehumanized me for my disability constantly. P much everyone in the house just looks the other way or tells me to put up with it.

My dad said he was going to start looking for a different job several months ago and hasnt been able to because hes constantly strecthed thin helping me with transportation and i feel completely useless. i cant drive, i cant get a job, i cant physically help anymore because my body is a piece of shit. We’re always paying for broken ass stupid shit in the house and theres always 10 other broken things.

I gave my dad an ultimatum like fully last month to cut off my sisters gf from his credit card and he still hasnt done it. Hes shown me she spent $500 in a month without reason, and she uses his card for gas for every outing. Her and my sister get takeout/fast food every day or multiple times a day and get their own separate groceries. They can buy their owm gas. My dad agrees but hes too scared to confiscate the credit card bexause that means an argument.

My sisters gf is financially leeching off my dad and it beyond bothers me. She brags about how she makes more than a full time minimum wage job here, p sure she makes more than that now tho . Cuz i criticized her when they were complaining about getting cut off from food stamps cuz they legally do not qualify and were lying about their income levels🕴️🕴️🕴️ Shes impulse buying all the time physical items, and most of it id dont even see bc its digital.

Meanwhile her and my sister do not share any of their food and criticize us for eating “gross greasy unhealthy food”. Dont help us by buying/sharing groceries… Yeah i wonder why we are eating poor people food. I literally keep eating actual expired food and they had a full blown argument the other day bc i ate a 70¢ package of ramen that was apparently my sisters gfs even tho i got permission.

Every time i talk to my therapists/case managers its just the same back and forth. “We literally cant help you as long as youre living there all we can do is focus on ~mindfulness~…” And there is no government assisted option for me. Im well aware. I think id rather be homeless at this point.

So there is a group home that im supposed to have an intake session with, i think this was before christmas. Christmas is the worst time of the year. I live in a hoarder house and the pile is so bad im tripping over shit in my own bedroom now. When i need to use my cane i just stay in bed all day because theres no clear path and no one gives a fuck about cleaning to help me. But i just keep crying because i dont know why its taking so long to even get to this fucking intake appontment.

The water heaters broken and takes like 3 hrs to warm up so i keep struggling to take showers. I have 2 exposed nerves in my teeth i was supposed to gwt treated and everyone got covid, i just hope we’re not still contagious but at this point i can barely eat anymore. I need to see a gynecologist (not psyched and it probably wont go anywhere bc of trauma) bc my period cramps are so bad every month painkillers dont do anything anymore and im missing several days every month having to cancel everything…

I keep rhinking about trying to make friends near me and then im like. Dude you are retarded and poor and have nothing to offer you are less than a dog. Theres nothing challenging that bc thats what my family members tell me to my face daily. I know i need to gain community but i cant overcome the fact that i am seriously worthless. And i dont live in the city proper, that makes it worse, so to any prospective friends (ft wayne btw…❤️‍🩹) you have to go out of your way to pick me up.

Realistically ill be way better mentally when im not here, right now. exactly where everything in my house and physical health is but when its this bad dude i wanna die. And its not gotten any better it jjst gets worse and i have NO CONTROL over it. I want out of indiana. I dont want to live in ft wayne/my town. I dont want to live in this house… I cant imagine liking the place you live in even vaguely… I hate everything about where i live…

So i need to do the group housing intake… But im really worried it wont pan out bc in general every single government asisstnace gets denied for me bc i live with family and we have enough income just have a dysfunctional home, dont need food stamps etc. Like if i needed a caregiver they would point at one of my family members and not rly care that none of them are going to do it or even the ones that care, dont have time/energy… The government doesmt care about disabled people and im slipping through the cracks… I just want out and i think if i gamble everythinf on this im gonna lose it

Nothing… thats all… I just need somethinf anything literally anything positive in my life i keep crying my eyes out before bed because im always ruminating on how my family treats me. Its not even the broken house shit its the fact that i dont feel safe in the kitchen or downstairs (sister/her gf’s bedroom are downstairs) anymore, little things like my laundry got taken out of the wash and left to mold and my face washrags thrown behind the toilet and its clear who did it, and ppl are like, well, maybe it was an accident? Maybe youre reading into it too much? The fact that i could ask for a ride to the ER and she’d be like. No. Let me go ask your dad who works full time paying for everything whos currently in a work meeting to drive you instead or otherwise i can make your medicaid payments use 1/4th their yearly max by calling an ambulance

[throwingmuses]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii its been Quite a minute since i last postd huh . nothing serious going on 2 worry about thankfully im just uhhh Starting to think that we were Not built to endure thhe 40-hour work week ? But what the fuck ever i guess we ummmmm adapt!!!!!!!*grins nicely*

(""life update"" undr the cut for the freaks who r into tht kinda thing ...)

SO the new job has actually been going pretty good so far. Well as good as working any minimum wage job can be of course but it s certainly been a real decent gig regardless. surprisingly enjoyable at times even which is Huge. Definitely muchhhhhh better than evry single one of my previous jobs LOL. most difficult thing about it hasnt even rlly been related to the job itself but moreso the fact that this is the first time in FOUR whole ass years that ive like uhhh actually worked in the traditional sense i guess ? not 2 mention the other fact Which is that this is also the first time in my lyfe that i am workin full-time w/ an actually consistent schedule instead of like the spotty ""part time"" retail/restaurant shifts im used to having to put up with Oh also i work 10 hr shifts 4days in a row now so uhhhhhhh yeah theres been a lottt of adjusting ive needed to do lately To Say The Fucking Least 😀 on top that of course theres always 10millionbillion things that are demanding the money i hvnt even been paid yet beCause payroll has been a nightmare And also my psychiatrist turned into a total flake and general jackass out of literally nowhere so i gotta find a new one of those uhhh pretty soon actually LOL but i guess considering evrything that has rapidly changed in like every single area of my life recently i think ive actually been coping alright. or at least MUCH better than i hav in the past jesus fucking christtttttttttttt. mostly just been having a lot of sobbing fits and smoking a lot of pot but like whats new there right. so i would say thats pretty good given my track record :]

luckily my job does not require much if any real socializing as like a job duty or anything (THANK FUCKING GOD) But especially aftr spending a verrrrrryyyyyy long time isolating and essentially imprisoning myself in my home due 2 xtremely awful agoraphobia in conjunction with the fact of just like being Visibly Mentally Unwell and having to just embrace that as apart of who i am or whatever Any and every interaction i have with any other given person @ work makes me feel totally & completely socially maladjusted and PAINFULLY awkward and pathetic....... But at least im becoming more comfortable w/ the concept of being or at least being seen as a bumbling little freak and just feel like ive been coming back in2 myself finally once again and figuring out what all of that shit means now. the haze ive been kindof stuck in for several years by now has been clearing more and more as the days go on and im finding that im starting 2 move on from a lot of different things without even rlly intending to. ive just been generally letting go en masse but this time not in the self - destructive fashion. its nice to be able to say that and to finally have that previously unimaginable inverse experience where u encounter those things that typically rocket U up to neurotic levels of distress only 2 find yourself reacting to them as if u had never or had even entirely forgotten that you were ever tormented by those things in the 1st place . literally fucking unimaginable to me And yet somehow it just likeee happens. whut the fuck. But i dont really need or want to understand it cuz im just happy to b able to objectively say tht my life is getting better. also a previously unimaginable concept to me but one thats been seeming more and more plausible somehow despite all of the bullshit yknow?

ANYWAYS all that being said i also wanted 2 mention that over the next few days i will finally be able to go thru my inbox and share all the fundraisers ive been asked to share here since i am actually not busy as balls for a bit (For Fucking Once), but since theres quite a few ill be queueing them to post over the span of the next couple days or so to make sure they can be seen by more people!!!

okay thnx for reading(/glacing at) all of this love U now back to my typical bullshit

[richardsphere]

Leverage Log: The Radio Job

Not much going on with that name, betting on something like the Three Nights of the Hunter job mark-wise.

--- Jack sent a different person after his intended target, and thinks Nate will be sympathetic to the person enough to follow through because the person is in trouble. Nate says its not his problem.

So someone Jack reasonably assumes is a valid hostage, but whom Nate is largely ambivalent towards. Combined with how the set-up of "stuck inside the building, cant get out" reminds me of the time Parker got stuck inside the food company for Archie. Im gonna say its Nate's Dad.

--- Always nice when a show can tell me about US government corruption things I didnt know about, (in this case "we can steal your inventions and patents, and all we have to do is claim it is a threat". Note that according to wikipedia this doesnt need to be a threat to national security, only to existing industries. So yeah. I mean i knew generally that the patent office was corrupt AF. But i was expecting more "someone shows up with a patent, clerk backdates a copy with their own signature then claims that the patent is pre-existing" type corruption if the show ever did a Patent Office Episode.

So i guess the time machine is gonna be this episode's gag of the day. (its funny but unrealistic, no one patents a time machine. If you get a time machine you keep it secret like Coke's Recipe, then take an actual patent, throw it back to your yesterday self. Have your yesterday self put their signature on it and file it before the actual inventor does. A time machine is not worth patenting cause patents tell other people how to make the thing, as part of the "this is what you are not legally allowed to make" regulations.)

--- I think the "pushing hardison down the chute"gag isnt funny. If there were alarms blaring and a current time-crunch. It would be funny, but seeing as there is no immediate rush until after he sets up the looping footage (which only works with a 2 hour buffer)... --- called it BITCH! --- Good call on making Parker stay behind. If anyone knows how to find a needle in a haystack its gonna be her thieflyness. --- Ok so we have: Butler on a roomba, Meatsmoker, Fake Pregnancybelly. Time to try and reverse-engineer how these 3 checkov's guns will fire. Belly=disguise? Sophie puts it on to smuggle something out. Meatsmoker: Its a smokescreen, Butler... some kind of Kevin McAllister Party-distraction. --- Yeah Dad is so dying. --- Ah, the goons tripped the alarms. --- Uncle Scam! 15/10, Im gonna steal that. --- Called It! Fake Pregnancy! --- "Latimer was gonna kill you if I didnt" I knew it. Just like how they'd Parker went in to protect Archie and his family. --- Elliot is about to feign a John McClane. --- Congrats on Jimmy for the simple escape. Flashmob! "Telll them how much Jimmy Ford loves his son." Now im notoriously face-blind, and its been 4 seasons worth of episodes, but I do think that this is the guy from episode 1. (especially given the whole "lure them into the building with the promise of money, then blow it up" schtick.

To Be Continued.

[tera-91]

The Last (hopefully) Rant of the Year

Honestly I feel like I am getting close to my breaking point … again.

The stress of everything is just, I feel like its affecting my health. Both mentally and physically.

The last 2 weeks have been a rollercoaster. One that just pisses me off. So the manager had me at almost full time hours. I didn’t complain. At least not until I was scheduled outside of the availability that I have had for over a year. I told that manager over and over again but they still insisted on scheduling me outside that availability.

It wasn’t my finest hour but during one of the shifts I told them I had to leave because of my availability. I couldn’t stay the whole shift. They told me to leave so I did.

This manager proceeded to make the next schedule. Not only did they schedule me outside of my availability they also scheduled me for just 2 days that the hours equaled just a days work. I spoke to a coworker to try to trade so next thing I know the schedule is changed. This was nice because I was now in my availability but still under what use to be one days hours. I thought if I leave it alone it will get better.

IT DID NOT GET BETTER.

The next schedule came out. This @(&*%&* has me scheduled for half of one singular day for the whole schedule. FOR THE WHOLE BLOODY SCHEDULE. That’s under $100 what am I supposed to do with that until the next paycheck. That’s assuming that I get more hours in the meantime.

Ive already put in probably 50+ applications. Many of those I haven’t heard back from. I haven’t counted but if I had to guess a number Ive probably gotten 10-15 definite “no”. I think Ive gotten a handful of interviews. Before this new schedule came out I was definitely considering giving up applying for other jobs and even considering canceling the interviews or say no if I got an offer. Although even then I would be out of my mind because one of the jobs is basically the same job but with more pay. Now though, nah if I’m offered the job I am definitely taking it. I might not quit this job I have right away but I’m also stubborn. Im not going to let this jerk win by having me rage quit like I did before.

___________________

Ive let a few days pass since the last time I wrote.

Its been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

Like Im still pissed cuz I feel that manager is punishing me, which ive said something to the other managers in hopes for them to say something cuz I really don’t like confrontation, and this manager is one of those people that just turns what you say back to you. Like in the conversation you say one thing and then you go to say something else and they throw the first thing back at you.

Bad Example: “I ate a red M&M for breakfast.” But then later you say “I ate a green M&M” you mean as a snack or lunch something that happened later and they say “But you just said that you ate a red one”

Ive just taken a step back and looked around me. I am comfortable with the reduction of hours. Ive given the manager the benefit of a doubt or how ever that saying is suppose to be written. Its basically finals. Maybe they looked it up and realized this and gave me less hours. If that’s the case then at least let me know or a co-worker know so they could tell me.

________________________

Final week is over thankfully. I passed my classes!

The work situation is still a situation. I cant tell if my assumptions are right thought as the next schedule isn’t out yet. This is just frustrating. Another reason to take a different job. Two of the ones that I interviewed with said they do their schedule a whole month in advance! Its sad that to me that is a plus. As I write this, I only know what my schedule is for the next 3 days. After that I have no clue. Either I don’t work for the next schedule which is like WTF or the manager hasn’t posted it (sadly possible with this manager) which is also like WTF how can anyone plan their holidays with that because the next schedule covers the winter holidays and new year’s.

Now I cant even properly enjoy my time away because I keep looking to see if the next schedule has posted. I need to get my head in the game and get as much stuff as physically possible in however many days. There is just a lot to get done. I have an end of the video boom going on my channel (which I put on myself but Ive lost the momentum it feels like). Plus I need to hurry up and get ahead for next year so that way should I get more hours or a new job with more hours I wont have to worry about videos. I really don’t want to get back to the point where a new video doesn’t go live for 2 or even 3 weeks. I feel like that’s where I lost most of my engagement. I want to grow my channel in both content and size.

I need to finish my book. Ive been working on it off and on for over 10 years. Part of me just wants to get it done. Another part of me feel like it is the key. Like when I get it done that will provide me the ability to do just about everything that I want to.

As odd as it sounds I want to start making candles but currently I don’t have a space for that so I need to figure out how to do that. Well I have a space but I need to make it so that I can make the candles in. I read that the space needs to be well ventilated and right now the only place I can do that is … a bit open to the elements so I need to fix that to make it useable.

I logically know all of that but my brain. Its just fixated on this schedule thing. I think partly because I’m afraid of missing when its updated. Which doesn’t make since because I have to go to work before the next schedule starts so even if I missed it updated I would have something to tell me when I go back.

Bah. This is enough of this. Im going to work on my youtube channel to do list and a few of the other things that can be handled now. Get my mind out of this spiral. I might post again this year. If I don’t hope the winter holiday season is how it needs to be and that the new year is a fun sparkly time!

[alreadyblondenow]

Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.  

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene,  mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX! 

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry. ​

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago  

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”  

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.  

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.  

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.  

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

Thrust

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.  

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.  

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.  

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.  

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”  

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.  

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.

[angeloroki]

saturday night — i. midoriya

pro-hero!izuku midoriya x gn!reader (might have some indications for a fem reader)

warning ; alcohol consumption, suggestive content

it was late. and the fatigue mixed with the drinks you had accumulated with izuku made the evening all the more dangerous.

it had started out as a reunion dinner with former high school students. a simple evening to catch up on old times, and to escape for a few hours from the exhausting work and worries of life.

10:12 pm.

you were happy to see them again. or even to go out for the first time in many weeks. your new job at that big company was sucking up all your personal time and energy. so this outing with your childhood friends was just what you needed. a mixture of euphoria, laughter, and broken glass.

and then you could tell that you were not indifferent to the sidelong glances of the host of the party. you did not miss seeing his cheeks blush every time your hands brushed against each other to grab the bottle.

it was a game of cat and mouse that you had been playing since the beginning of the evening, and your friends had not failed to point it out.

“oi deku, are you going to make out with y/n in front of us or are you going to serve us this dessert?" yells bakugo.

“ i don't think it's necessary for you." said denki in a mocking voice.

"what do you mean you shithead ?! "

1:02 a.m.

there were about ten of you at the beginning, the excitement keeping you awake, while tenya's bedtime stories provoked laughter that you all missed.

but as the hours passed, the number of people leaving increased. only the most drunk stayed, namely you and midoriya.

2:32 a.m.

“i think i have to go izuku... otherwise i'll do things i might regret.” you say, staggering slightly.

two big, strong hands came to stop you from falling over head first. a goofy smile stretched your cheeks as you met your savior's gaze. two sparkling, starry eyes stared back at you. he was as drunk as you were, yet he managed to get you to sit on his couch. his hand rested gently on your arm for a little longer than necessary. a bitter taste filled your mouth as he finally pulled it away. what you wished was that he'd lowered it a little more.

"i-i don't think you should drive home, y/n.

"mmh, i was thinking of taking a taxi deku, im drunk not stupid.”

he raised his eyebrows before draping his muscular arm over the back of your seat on the couch. you still remember how he was in high school, so small and vulnerable. he had that innocent look that managed to charm all the girls and you first. but now? puberty had hit him hard. izuku had certainly grown to 6'2", and gained more than 50 kilos of muscle due to his job as a pro-hero, but there was also a much more serious expression stretching his features. his look was neat, classy.

"what makes you smile like that?" he said in a half-amused, half-serious voice.

you shook your head. you couldn't admit that you were drooling over his well-built body.

"i remember our nights in the dorms watching those conspiracies videos on YouTube. and you'd laugh at me if i told you i missed those days.”

"and you'd laugh at me too if i told you that i missed that time too.” he said gently.

it was at that very moment that you finally noticed that you were close. too close for two people who had been drinking all night. too close for two exes. too close for two people who seemed to still have feelings for each other.

you'd have to be blind to ignore the two eyes you were giving each other all night. those glances sometimes accompanied by smiles. but you knew it was wrong. you knew it was impossible for the two of you, impossible to go back to the good old days when you were just a couple in love and teenagers, still unaware of life's problems.

his hand, now caressing your cheek, jolted you out of your dreamy thoughts.

"stay here tonight.”

you didn't know if that was an order or more of an advice. but what you did know was that you wanted to listen to him terribly. it would have been easy to kick off your shoes and fall asleep in his arms. but even though you'd had many drinks, you were still sober enough to know what was right and wrong.

"you know i can't, izuku.”

the flu on your face intensified slightly. as if you were in danger of escaping at the slightest false move.

"you would laugh at me if i told you that i miss the time we were together. he said weakly, his voice pleading.

a dry laugh from you echoed through the room. he was an asshole to get your hopes up.

"that's the alcohol talking izuku, go to bed and let me call a cab." you huffed.

but he had only one gesture that required very little effort to make you stay. all he had to do was to put his lips to yours, and you would be his all night.

and that's what he did. he kissed you as if it was the end of the world, his arms wrapped around your waist. the young man wanted to feel your body against his, to feel your warmth, to taste you in your entirety. his desires for you, which he had been struggling with all evening, were satisfied thanks to this single kiss.

that quarter of a second seemed to last for ages. but every idyllic dream is always brutally torn apart by reality.

that reality in the story of the two of you was the engine of the car that had just parked in front of izuku's house. it was that reality that kept you from jumping on your ex's neck. that reality was ochako uraraka.

the young brunette entered the house with an exhausted smile on her lips. her eyes shone when she noticed you. you were a good meter away from her boyfriend, looking ashamed. but ochako was too tired to understand the situation.

"i'm glad to see you, i'm sorry i didn't make it to dinner. but work obliges haha.

you avoided his gaze, while picking up your things in a hurry.

"it's okay, we can always do this again some other time.

"i can give you a lift if you want, you look pretty drunk." she said worried.

"it's okay baby, she'll call a cab, right? "

izuku looked at you indifferently. his eyes, which were filled with desire for you a few minutes ago, were replaced by disinterested eyes. a new cold character was standing in front of you.

" thank you ochako. but he is right, i will call a cab... “

uraraka nodded and went to her boyfriend's arms. you saw from the corner of your eye that he only needed a glance to warn you to do something. the shadow of a smirk disfigured your expression.

you were naive to get your hopes up like that. izuku since your youth was known to be a heartbreaker. although you were his childhood friend, you were no different from his exes. even though izuku was a good person as a hero and friend, he was still a man who liked to feed on the love people had for him. he didn't have to hesitate to torment you all evening.

so i guess you didn't have to feel bad about leaving traces of your lipstick on his shirt collar.

"good night guys.” you say a smirk on your face.

tagging ; @escapenightmare @candy-hime

[atalana]

[copied over from my cr blog, also this is gonna get long, i’d apologise but im not sorry]

okay, so

this is a rant probably about 7 years in the making, bc when i first watched lok i had not done any music study, i had not done any composing of my own, my knowledge of music theory was at a primary school level and i still thought tv soundtracks were just made by one person composing a whole cache of music and then the audio editors pick and choose what track to place where

(spoiler alert that’s not how film and tv scoring works, i have now done a music composition course where we had to score a short film, among other things, and i have so much more respect for tv composers jesus christ)

but this one stuck out to me even way back then, bc me barely knowing what a leitmotif was was like “hey this one little refrain keeps popping up whenever bolin does lavabending, and i like it, i’m gonna see if it’s on the soundtrack”

it was not, and that’s sort of where i left it back in 2014, but i actually did a rewatch of lok pretty recently out of nostalgia, and then noticed it even more

and to explain why (and this is also a little bit why five’s stuck out to me in tua, i’ll get to that in another ask), let’s cover, leitmotifs, and tv scoring in general

so a leitmotif is basically just a short musical idea that represents something in a piece of music. when i studied motivic development we were encouraged to make that motif four notes or less, and then develop it into something longer (aka a theme), because if you can constantly come back to a really short idea while keeping the piece moving, that’s what makes a piece of music memorable

(you can ignore those rules on purpose but that’s a different essay)

so the most common way that a leitmotif shows up in soundtracks is to represent a character or a location - you play the motif when that character shows up or when you’re in that location and boom, the audience associates that motif with that person place or thing, and you can then use this to tell the audience things without actually telling them. for example, star wars playing the imperial march whenever someone does something darth vader related - darth vader isn’t on screen, but you can feel his presence, because his music is playing

and if we were a film score, where we have two hours to show one particular character’s development, great! we give them a simple motif, and then as they grow as a person we change their motif to reflect what is happening to them, until we end up with something that communicates on a subconscious level how much they’ve grown. we toss in as much symbolism as we can, and we have a really great soundtrack that’s instantly memorable

tv scoring, is harder. partially because of time constraints (have you ever composed half an hour of original music a week, and had to make sure it fits perfectly with every beat of what’s happening on screen? these guys have), partially because there’s a much larger focus on ensemble casts

so what atla and lok do, for the most part, is not score individual character motifs for everyone. this is fairly common in tv soundtracks, instead we score ideas, concepts, and feelings - these’ll come up a lot more and give you more information than just “oh hey this character’s on screen”

the avatar state, for example, has the strongest and most recognisable theme across both shows. i’m linking an atla track in here because it has the best example but you’ll know this shows up with korra too - and with particularly important moments for wan, for kyoshi, etc. they also appear in the opening of both shows, four strong notes that start and end on the same note (in the case of what i’m linking, it’s an F#)

the first part of this track is the more uncertain, pensive theme that comes up when both avatars are feeling doubt/worry/sadness, but then it transitions into the more recognisable four. worth noting though, those are both basically the same motif. if i write them out back to back, you’ll notice they both have four notes and start and end on F#. if i had to guess, four notes four elements, and it comes back to the start because the avatar is a cycle.

korra has a theme for when she’s fighting, but not an individual character theme. the airbenders as a concept have a theme, republic city has thematic instruments, as do some big name characters, like iroh and his tsungi horn (this is also a cross-series thing, he’s always playing it in atla, it shows up when zuko has to make big moral decisions, and when we first meet iroh in the spirit world in lok, it shows up there too, to let the audience know who this is before we properly see him)

so, if korra doesn’t get a single theme and instead has several for different aspects of her life, and mako and asami follow along with the mood of the story like all the other characters, the fact that bolin has a personal leitmotif at all, let alone a solid, developing one, is pretty remarkable!

now, granted, it mostly starts with book 3, before then he was like every other character, but it has clear symbolism through those last two books! and, initially i thought it was related only to his lavabending, since that’s most of when it shows up, but since my rewatch, i’ve started calling it his hero theme

see, when people wanna criticise mako and bolin, usually the comments they get are that bolin’s too immature and mako’s too serious/uptight. but like, that’s how they work, you can’t analyse either of them without the context of the other. since they were little kids on the streets, bolin chases his heart and mako makes sure they don’t die from it, that is their entire childhood. and neither would have got here on their own because mako wouldn’t take the necessary risks and bolin wouldn’t take the necessary precautions. (like. remove either one from the equation and they’d still be working for the triple threats bc s1 and their flashback miniseries make pretty clear that bolin got them out and mako kept them out)

and then book 2 proves it! because it splits team avatar up, and what happens? bolin is totally taken advantage of by varrick and used as a pawn in his evil plan and mako ends up in jail

so what’s book 3, to them? it’s, being able to find themselves without having that codependency. mako no longer has someone to protect, which is what he’s based his whole life around so far - bolin’s doing fine and he’s no longer dating either korra or asami. and bolin’s trying his hand at some of that responsibility (look at how he immediately adopts kai who is explicitly them but younger because he wants to be the older brother for once). most importantly, they find the rest of their family, and stop being defined by being orphans. they don’t have to be that singular piece of a puzzle, they can just be themselves. and that’s where bolin’s character really starts to shine, because that’s when they bring in the bending plot, and bending, perhaps more than any other character, really gets to the heart of who bolin is

if you want more of my thoughts on that i have an essay here, but tl;dr: bolin’s an extremely powerful earthbender, but he’s not a metalbender because metalbending requires you to double down on the earth characteristics and think like an earthbender, and bolin doesn’t, he’s too fluid for that, which is one of his major strengths, so of course he can lavabend

and finally - to his motif itself! (as a note, i’ve put all of these in the same key to show where it repeats, but there’s a variety of keys used in the show)

as far as i can find, it first shows up in s3e8, when bolin stuns p’li with this well placed shot

[Edit: it first showed up in the s2 finale, but again in a simplified version and again with him doing something heroic with earthbending, so we can still start the analysis here]

mako volunteers bolin for that job, because he knew bolin was capable of it. why? because bolin landed an identical shot earlier in the episode, after trying to metalbend, getting frustrated he can’t, and cheating with some extremely well aimed earthbending. it’s just a short refrain and you barely notice it, but it’s the first connection of this motif with the theme of bolin’s bending

it looks like this, and it’s always played on a trumpet, which is part of why i call it the hero theme, because, if you’re looking at music from a western perspective, trumpets were used to herald kings, and then used to represent military glory, and then when superhero themes started happening, they used trumpets too - it’s basically western music shorthand for hero these days

(it’s also symmetrical so that helps with the good vibes)

and he’s saving everyone here, so it’s linked to his bending, but it’s also linked to his heroism

it ties the two together, and they are tied together.

when’s the next time it shows up? episode 10, when the brothers are in prison in ba sing se, and bolin tries to metalbend them out. again, he’s doing this to save people, and this motif gets a few notes added on to the end in a raising pattern - they’re inspiring, but they don’t go anywhere. which is exactly what happens in the scene, because he’s trying to go about this in the wrong way. mako believes in him, but it won’t (and doesn’t) work

it appears in episode 12 when bolin saves everyone from ghazan destroying the temple, in a more fancy orchestral remake of the first version - it’s impressive, but it hasn’t actually developed yet, it’s just his discovery of it

the book 3 finale already has its own fucking amazing soundtrack, i love that entire episode’s score, but it gets its own moment there too, and the first real development!

because what we hear is not what we’ve heard before. we know it’s the same theme, because it’s using those signature trumpets, but it’s the second part of this phrase, the answer to the question supplied by the first one. why? because bolin’s figured out who he is and he’s starting to use it. it still hasn’t settled yet though, it’s early days and he’s still just turning ghazan’s lava back on him, so again, it raises, leaving it on a question mark

it doesn’t appear in s4e7 when he lavabends as a warning against the escaped prisoners, because he’s using it as a threat, not to help people. but it does later in the episode when he uses lavabending to save them from kuvira. and that’s when we get the first full phrase, question and answer

it keeps the first motif identical, takes out the first note of the second, and ties them together - except now it’s not open ended, now it knows where it’s going - it’s been three years, at this point bolin is confident in both himself and his bending

and then that phrase appears all over the place in the finale, because all bolin does is save people - everyone from the exploding building, he slows the giant mecha with lavabending, he saves opal, he slows the giant mecha again by collapsing a building on it, and most importantly, he’s the one rescuing his brother this time, instead of the other way around (though that one doesn’t get a motif appearance bc admittedly a fuck ton of other things are happening in the soundtrack at the time)

so to that question asked in book three - who is bolin when not next to someone else? well, funnily enough, we saw it in book two as well, just in a warped way, playing nuktuk. it just wasn’t truly him because it was created by varrick, and he needed to get away from varrick too. the question put forward by the narrative is who is bolin, and the answer given by the music is, he is a hero. and i don’t know why bolin is the only one to get a theme like this, but i think it may have something to do with the fact that, while everyone in team avatar has been a hero and saved people, he is the only one who has, from the start, solely been motivated by wanting to help people. he follows his heart, and his heart cares, about everyone. it’s been the driving force behind almost everything he’s ever done. and i love him so much

[tae-bebe]

tag game spam

gonna put this under the cut bc i don't wanna fill up ur dashes but thank u to all my sweet angels @cowboyjinbop @kithtaehyung @yoongisshadow @taejinnies for the tags !

4 songs tag - list 4 songs you've had on repeat lately

1. si fueras mia - D.O.

2. moonlight - agust D

3. tokyo - RM

4. im gonna love you - D.O. (currently obsessed with this whole album)

which bts core aesthetic are you?

you have gotten taecore!! ur like graffiti in the city, art pieces in cafes, gold lining on a page, coffee stains and libraries, gold star stickers, golden hours, greek art, finding beauty in small things, such as wildflowers or a stranger's laugh, and comfort in the middle of the night. this means u are very sociable and know how to make friends quickly and easily, even in just a span of a few minutes. u attract people very easily, and take artistic expression very seriously, such as painting, drawing, dance, music, or writing. u know how to take time for urself, and also know how to make the people u feel matter the most know how much u appreciate them. u aren't afraid to establish what u feel to the people u love, and are very caring. have fun with this knowledge!!

okay but this is so pretty i wanna print it out and hang it on my wall (also the london pics...my beloveds)

30 questions tag game

1. name: isabella/bella/bels/bel/bel baby/beb/belly (just @taehyungsupremacy) /isa (only in italy tho)/bunny rabbit (my mum lol)

2. star sign: taurus sun/virgo moon/gemini rising/aries venus

3. height: i think ? about 5'6 maybe 5'7 on a good day

4. birthday: 6th of may 1998

5. favourite band: i mean...feel like u guys can guess this one (non kpop im gonna go with haim)

6. time: 19:48

7. favourite solo artist: lorde (rb if melodrama changed ur life)

8. song stuck in your head: it’s still animal by ballistik boyz that song is laced with crack i swear

9. last movie you watched: rocks on netflix which is a gorgeous coming of age type film about young girls in london 10/10 would recommend

10. free space: i am moving to sk in 2 days !!!!!! wtf !!!!!!

11. last show you watched: does run count ?

12. when i created this blog: tae-bebe's 6 month anniversary is actually later this month ! :')

13. what i post: mostly content about taehyung's nose freckle, any and every gif that anj and kara make, and occasionally some fic (watch this space)

14. last thing i googled: my travel insurance policy lol

15. other blogs: @bel-baby @conmisplumas (both just aesthetic and vibes rlly)

16. do i get asks: whenever i do my brain releases unmatched amounts of serotonin so pls feel free to jump in my asks whenever !

17. why did i choose my url: well bel-baby is my main, @cal-baby was my 5sos blog (linking in case anyone wants to have a laugh at 16 yr old bella) so i wanted to complete the trio but alas this was the next best option

18. following: queens

19. followers: angels

20. average hours of sleep: not enough

21. lucky number: 7 (duh)

22. instruments: the only thing that gets played around here is me

23. what am i wearing: an old pair of jeans and a tshirt that says "guapa" bc u know self love

24. dream job: sugar baby or sugar daddy idm either way

25. favourite food: currently jajangmyeon, long time fav: tacos al pastor

26. tea or coffe: iced oat milk mocha or an oat milk dirty chai latte pls

27. nationality: british (derogative) but im a weird little mix of iraqi, spanish, italian and russian too

28. favourite song: i think i have a different answer to this q roughly every 15 minutes

29. last book i read: the land where lemons grow - helena ramsay

30. top 3 virtual universes you'd want to live in: can i copy jessi's answer and just say the universe in which im dating yoontaekook

[fluffyskies]

Appointment

Sanders Sides

Ship: Could be seen as Moceit

Category: Tickling [Tickle-fic]

Roles: Ler Janus, Lee Patton, mentions of Virgil, Logan and Roman

Summary: Patton wanted to spend one on one time with the others but unexpected messages make them cut the bonding time short.

Note: This is actually the first time I'm writing Janus/Deceit °v°.

Patton had asked Virgil if he wanted to hangout this morning so they were in his room cuddling and talking.

"Ahhh this is relaxing...." Virgil said quietly

"Yeah this is" replied Patton

"I don't ever wanna leave..." said Virgil

"Well you don't have to it's only 8:30" Patton said happily

"W-wait? 8:30??"

"Mhm, that's what I said"

"Oh no, oh no I'm late!" the anxious side said getting out of the warm and toasty blankets.

"Late for what?" Patton asked

"O-oh umm.....R-roman asked me to help him" he stammered

"With what?"

Virgil knew that Patton was just curious to why he was leaving so soon, but he was a bit embarrassed to say. So he came up with a lie and hopefully it was believable.

"To....to....to help him chose some clothes for a new outfit" Virgil said with an awkward smile.

"Oh ok then you go, don't wanna keep royalty waiting" Patton smiled

"Thanks Pat!" and then he was gone

Now that Virgil was gone Patton found himself wanting more bonding time. So he went to Logan's room to ask if he wanted to hangout.

On his way though he heard something unusual...was that laughter? Patton tried to ignore it but it was hard to not think about it. Once he arrived at Logan's door he knocked then asked if they could spend some time together. Which Logan happily agreed to and beckoned him to come in his room.

It had been about 15-20 minutes and Patton and Logan were playing a mind game. To Patton's surprised he was winning but Logan wasn't that far behind. He seemed distracted so he ask him if something was wrong, but he said it was nothing.

After about 10 more minutes Patton heard Logan's phone beep, he picked it up and handed it to him.

[Text]

Virgil- Hey specs your appointment is ready

Logan- Ah thank you but I'm with Patton at the moment and I'm not sure what to do

Virgil- Oh you can just use my little excuse but tweak it a bit so its not suspicious

Logan- I will thanks

"Oh my apologies Patton but I may have to excuse myself"

"For?"

"I'm afraid Virgil acquires my assistance"

"With what?"

"He wants a second opinion on Roman's outfit that he chose" Logan said clearing his throat.

"Hmm ok"

"Will you be fine?"

"Oh yeah, don't worry about me!" Patton said smiling

Logan just nodded and left in a hurry

And again Patton was left alone, it was getting harder to put on a smile because he just wanted to spend some time with the others. Now it seems as though their avoiding him? but he didn't want to think that was case.

Then just like before he started to hear laughter again.

Patton wanted to go and see for himself to why he was hearing laughter but he saw Roman in the living room.

"Hiya Ro"

The creative side turned his head and smiled

"Hey Padre"

Now Patton just had to know...if he was also going to have to leave.

"So are you busy?"

"Hmm, right now no but later I have plans"

He has plans, I wonder for what? Does it have to do with everyone? Is it linked to the laughter I've been hearing? Bunches of questions were going through his head.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering hehe, anyway wanna hangout?"

"Sure"

Then both of them went to Roman's room. They were listening to disney music and singing along to them.

It had already been awhile and Patton was starting to keep an eye on when Roman had his plans. The only weird thing was Roman kept checking his phone like he was expecting a notification soon. Then soon enough his phone dinged and Patton noted the way Roman smiled and bit his lip.

"Hey Pat I'm afraid we have to cut this short I'm sorry"

"I know you have plans correct?"

"Yep" he said as he turned to leave but was stopped when Patton grabbed his tunic.

"Wait a minute"

"Umm y-yes?"

"What exactly are these plans?"

Roman knowing how Patton can be sometimes, handed him a blank piece of paper. When Patton was confused to why he handed him a piece of paper, he used that to escape before Patton had the chance to ask about it.

Patton looked at the paper it wasn't blank it had something on it. It looked like a phone number and it said 'Call to schedule an appointment with Doctor Giggles'. Who's that? Patton thought. So without question he quickly dialed the number in his phone.

When the person on the other side pick up they said hello

"Hi this is Patton Sanders"

"Hello Mr. Sanders" the voice replied

"I'd like to schedule an appointment"

"Oh excellent, your appointment should be soon I will contact you as soon as we're ready"

"Ok thank you" and then he hung up

Also when he was in the call he noticed Roman's laughter echoing through the phone but it wasn't that loud. That seemed to raise Patton's suspicion even more than it was.

About a half and hour later his phone buzzed. He picked up the phone and saw he got a message. Patton clicked the message and read it and it said 'Your appointment is in a few minutes the Doctor is ready for you, here are directions to the room.

Directions? Patton thought. So he followed the directions to the door. Patton took a good look at the door and he didn't recognize it. He knew the Mind Palace very well and did not recall ever seeing this room before, maybe Roman made it?

Patton was now ready to see what was waiting for him on the other side. He slowly opened the door and saw a silhouette of a person. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the different lighting and when they did Patton was surprised to see....

"Janus? is that you?"

"Hmm? I do not know this Janus you speak of...I am Doctor Giggles"

"But you look just like him" the moral side looked from head to toe and that was indeed Janus in a doctors costume.

"Well we might have sssome sssimilarities but I assure you that we are not the sssame person"

"Ok I guess I made a mistake" Patton knew he was pretending so he might as well go along with it as well.

"Anyway Mr. Sanders would you please sit down over here and answer some questions"

Patton nodded his head and sat down

"Ok question #1 how ticklish are you?" he said with a smirk

Of course not knowing the doctor would flat out ask this question caught poor Patton of guard. He struggled to answer and his face was beginning to turn pink.

"I-im pretty...."

"Pretty what?

"T-ti..ti.t...sensitive"

"Hmm ok" and he wrote it down in his note book

"Question #2 what are your favorite tickle tools?

And again Patton struggled to answer (poor little bean)

"I-I would have to s-say f-feathers and t-toothbrushes"

"Ok good" and he wrote that down

"Last question, what are your worst spots?

"W-what?" Patton said face getting warmer

"You heard me" the doctor smiled

"M-my thighs....b-be-stomach..and n-neck/ears"

"Ok good job now please wait here while I get the preparations"

"O-ok" Patton listened but he still confused on why he had to answer those questions.

When the doctor came back it finally occurred to Patton.

"So would you like to be restrained?" asked the doctor

"Kind of" Patton blushed. "Can I have my feet restrained...?"

"Csssertainly" he said as he got some rope and tied Patton's ankles. Patton watched with a wobbly smile.

"Nervous are we?"

With a bright vibrant blush he nodded

"Awe cute, well that's quite alright because since this is your first time here you would be a little nervous. But I assure you your gonna have fun" he said as he looked Patton's in the eyes.

All Patton could do was look hopeful squirming in place, anticipation jumping to a whole nother level as he watched Doctor Giggles pick up a feather. And that feather looked very very very fluffy.

Already Patton was giggling even at the sight of the feather and wiggling his toes. The doctor walks over to his feet positioning the feather right at his toes getting ready to saw at the sensitive skin in between.

"Are you ready Patton?" the doctor asked

"M-mhm"

Just as the doctor got his reply he started to saw the soft fluffy feather in between his ticklish toes. Making Patton giggle hysterically and he tried multiple times to catch the feather with his toes. But only to met with a buzzing electric toothbrush being stuck in between his toes instead.

"Eeeeeahahahaha!! Nahaha!"

The doctor grinned "Silly you can't do that or you'll get even more tickles"

Then tie went on and the doctor went to different spots eliciting many giggles. Squeaks when he brushed the feather on his neck or ears, squeals when he squeezed his thighs and the bubbliest laughter when he got his adorable tummy.

After about a half-hour later of this playful tickling it was over.

"Haaah that was fun!"

"Hmm glad you enjoyed yourself"

Doctor Giggles untied Patton's feet and helped him to his feet.

"Please come again some time" the doctor smiled

"I will!" Patton shouted happily as he skipped through the door, he'd definitely need to schedule more appointments

Hiya! Sorry I have made a t-fic in awhile 😣 I got caught up doing art so I apologize. But I hope you enjoyed I have another one coming soon! Have a nice day :D

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[fizzingwizard]

;______; just heard that from September we’re gonna have three students in our cluster who are under 1 year old... (5 in the school total)

aaahhh im exhausted just thinking about it

and whats crazy is in one of the classes with under 1 yos there is a kid who is between 1-2 yo and she cannot walk yet. We have been trying to help her learn and have begun wondering if there is some reason beyond her mother just didn’t really encourage her to walk before. (Like maybe she needs leg braces etc.) So far no news on that but this kid only drags her feet around, obviously she needs constant help, and there are 12 other kids in the class, two of whom are under 1 and three teachers, HOW are they supposed to do it???

and the class that will have three under 1s has two first year teachers in it, that makes me so nervous... They’re both awesome coworkers, this is no shade on them, but under 1s can be TOUGH, it’s SO easy for them to get hurt. idk it feels like an accident waiting to happen.

i’ve been at schools where 5 students was an entire class, if we’re gonna have this many under 1s we should just have a class for them, come on! I love them but they are twice the work of kids on year older than them.

Also the recommended teacher-student ration for 1-3 yos is 1:6, which we abide by, but I believe it’s actually 1:3 or 1:4 when the kids are belong 18/12 mos. Apparently the head office does not care.

These kids are not in my class, I currently teach 2-3s, however I am a long care teacher and I look after them during morning and after care. I do their nap and their snack and play time supervision etc. From 10-2 they’re part of their class, but the rest of the day they belong to all of us.

More work ranting under the cut because I guess I just need to vent to the air.

And we have a LOT of students now - two clusters of going on 30 in each, in very small classrooms where the teachers are expected to watch them like a hawk AND keep constantly busy with numerous tasks at the same time.

Plus our prep time has been cut down this year despite additional work getting put on us, and we have no extra help.

If one teacher is out sick, no one gets prep time.

Don’t remember if I whined about this before, but a month or so ago we had a meeting in which the leader said “If you find you don’t have enough prep time, that’s on you to manage your time better.” It was super condescending and annoying. I’m like, dude, my contract says I get 1 hour prep and 1 hour break. We never ever EVER get the full two hours (and I should mention this is never consecutive, it’s 15 min here, 30 min there, 1 full hour if you’re really lucky). It’s usually at most 1 hr 45. But a 30 min break is fine! I’d love to take a 30 min break. Almost never do. Way too busy.

Like, I won’t get into it, but the laundry list of Stuff To Do recently has been ENORMOUS. In my class, I have 19 students. One of my co-teachers is part time, meaning she’s not around to help during much of prep time, and the other is a leader meaning she’s constantly in meetings or doing leader assignments. They are both fantastic co-workers, but yeah, this means I do ALL the class stuff. I prepare all the crafts, I do a ton of the organizing, and I’m often the only teacher from my class available in the afternoons because part-time teacher went home and leader teacher is in a meeting. So I end up with a lot of the after care stuff.

We have to hand out these big projects that teachers are responsible for preparing for each student on 8/16. We know these are coming and prep for them as soon as possible, but like, I won’t get into this either lol, but it’s so hard. It’s time-consuming by itself, and made worse because all the school computers are crap (like takes-15-min-to-start, another 10 to open the browser, 5 to go to the website, then it freezes, then 5 more, another freeze, etc) and like you have 15 min break time hahahahaha.

I wanted to get such a head start that I just started doing what I could back in the beginning of the year but we lit can’t do the bulk of the work until a certain kind of envelope is delivered and that doesn’t come till summer for some stupid reason. Soooo our long prep days in April when there are no kids around... can we use those to prep for this project? Heck no!

Anyway. This year’s is due on 8/16. This coming week we are off for obon break. This year also, the company is doing the project slightly differently. Instead of staggering what class gives out their projects to their students when, we all have to do it at once. We are our company’s biggest school, sooo my honest thought is no one at the head office thought about us when they made this change. The other schools don’t have to stagger anyway, they have at most two classes. We have four.

So this means everyone is printing their projects at the same time. For one student, you need 10 sheets on A3 paper. For my class of 19, that is 190 sheets of paper. For four classes, we’re over 700 sheets total. THAT IS A LOT OF PAPER.

So I get to work this morning and boss says “Yeah so we’re out of A3 paper.”

!!!

IT’S DUE MONDAY.

There was a little bit left so I just charged and printed as much of my stuff as I could in the morning before anyone else could. Then, miraculously, another packet of A3 paper appeared out of nowhere, and we were able to print most of the rest of our students’ projects. (My coworker who is a leader has not printed hers yet because she is super busy and isn’t finished. Again, she’s an awesome coworker, I wish I could have helped her more, but uh, I’m also swamped and not taking breaks, so. Hopefully she can do it before we really do run out of A3 paper.)

Getting more paper is no big deal, it’s just that no one has the time, and this is due Monday.

So I was super stressed. Sooooo super stressed for such a dumbbbb reason. And I don’t understand why these projects have to go out on Monday anyway. Some kids don’t even come to school on Mondays. Like. Just make sure they get them next week, isn’t that good enough?? Why make us stress and panic.

Everyone else seemed fine though, I was the only one tearing my hair out because I’m the type who finishes everything a day early so I have a day to check it over... I am not spontaneous and I hate to rush...

I lit told my coworkers, because regardless of the paper situation we are still behind because we have not had any time to organize the projects, that I will just stay late tomorrow to do it. It’s the Friday before a break so I don’t mind too much. I am really tired tho and would of course rather just go home and sleep but. I’ve done this before. Finishing up this project will take 1.5 hours - 2 hours at the current state it’s in, IF I can just sit down and do it uninterrupted. (Have I mentioned these projects are HEAVY?? And there’s 19 of them?? It’s a big job just to take them out and start putting them together >.<)

So tomorrow evening that is what I will likely be doing -.-;

There are INNUMERABLE other STUPID parts of this project - the idea behind it is great, but the way we are required to make it is absolutely bonkers and desperately needs a revamp but does anyone listen to a preschool teacher? heck no lol

uggh.

I feel better after venting tho.

I like my job, I just wish humans in general gave a shit, not even about quality of life (since obvs that’s expecting too much lol, also as a person with privilege I’m aware I’ve already got it pretty darn good), but just about not making jobs that are ridiculous. Just plan them out better, sheesh. There’s no reason for all this running around. The projects don’t need to be printed. Or they don’t need to be so huge. They don’t need all this fuss and nonsense. They are a good idea, but we could do them in a way that would be sooo much less stressful.

(The funniest part of all being, it’s a project for the parents mainly, and the parents... don’t like it x’D No they really don’t. They are happy to have the project, but first they’ve got to get it home, and it is HUGE and HEAVY and UNWIELDY lmao. And some of them are carrying twin 2 year olds and both of their futons home as well, and we’re like “here you go, two giant projects for you to take home!” And the parents are like “thanks????”)

[dadmilkman]

ive workwed full time at a big chain pharmacy for 5 years and the very last straw was upper management personally calling me and telling me to stop being the mask police to my staff when the entire pharmacy staff wasnt wearing masks despite like half of them not being vaccinated ON TOP of my 55 year old boss confessing hes secretly (not a secret, i knew for a while) been in love with me for like 3 years so i gave up and said fuck it and quit and like a month later i got a different job at a local pharmacy with one owner which is nicer but im not thrilled to be back in the pharmacy scene because jesus h christ people are really stupid and needy in the medicinal world but ive worked this new job for like 2 weeks now and already ive discovered one of the pharmacists is one of those “its a hipaa violation to ask if im vaccinated” people who equated being denied service in a business for not being vaccinated to being denied service because youre gay., which of course i responded with “im a lesbian and im telling you youre wrong” but shes just got to put her foot in her mouth so she stood her ground and this was like day 9 of working there and shes here all this week for my shifts and im getting paid a dollar less to work at this place than i was my old job and its frankly not worth it to me to do be doing all this mess literally all over again but also i havent not worked since i started working at the ripe age of 16 which is over 10 years ago now so if i quit this job without another job lined up idk what im going to do even tho ive done that like 2 times before and its worked out but at this point its slowly setting on me that im never going to USE the degree i spent  5 years panicking over completing so that maybe i can have a fulfilling career that pays well enough for me to like, live on my own and be independent without having to hate waking up and walking in the front doors of a place im employed every day . so maybe i should just quit after all. and like how to i explain to the owner i want to quit because one of his pharmacists  is an bitch and i hate HATE the hours i have to work. fuck me i guess

[goodbye-space-ass]

Buster bored

(Brief ment of self harm in #84)

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

I dont have closet doors but theyd be closed i got cats

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

No

(3) Can You Whistle?

Yes and im g at it

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Other People by LP

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

Red

(6) Relationship Status.

Single and unwilling to trust anyone enough to change that

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

0° c

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Not today

(9) How Many Followers?

Like 530 something

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Virgo sun gemini moon

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Hazel

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

No i do not love myself

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

Sometimes

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

Nothing atm but i might read the silm again

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14

Bluh

(16) Favourite Anime?

Pmmm

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

My friend dave

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Random small things

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

Arbys

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

Yea

(21) Favourite Animal?

Snekk

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

Only hockey

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

12-2 am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

No ive been crying all day

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

Im landlocked, never seen the ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

Comalard is sick af.

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

Tap

(28) What Makes You Happy?

Memes

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

With

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Dont :c

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

Green

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

Ps

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Sure

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

Depends.

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

White

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

Yes?

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

Save unless i need weed or darts

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

A stuffy that an ex got me.

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

The silmarillion and tolkien universe in general

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

Actually i dont think so.

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

Kind of. Im an empath, y'know?

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

My dreams are batshit.

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

The airplane flies high, turns left looks right

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Kung fu panda 2

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

A perfect circle or slipknot

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

Not anymore

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

No

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Noo

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

Yea

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

Yes

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents. Im shit at carving pumpkins

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Dont stop me now by queen

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Winter is ending, spring will begin.

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

Nothing i guess.

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

No

(58) What Is Your Gender?

Im nonbinary, femme representing and i use they/them

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

Coffee...

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

I need to get a proserve and get a job to be worth something.

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Im pansexual

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

No

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Fucking... the scared mouse looking one. Big eyes

(64) Favourite Social Media?

This shit unfortunately

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

Ive never had instant gram

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

HATE that i read that as homestuck :( only for the stars

(67) Are You A Virgin?

I may be a virgo, but

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Coconut curls

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Depends on if i have enough money but probbly hotel

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yes

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Idk

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

Only one

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

I dun know

(74)  What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

Brown i think.

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

I did, and no

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Arbys

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

None

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Uhhh i dont know how

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

In my life yes

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

Yes.

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yes

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

No thx sir

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Open. I have cats.

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Went to a friend's, hurt myself, smoked.

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

Pajamas or the clothes i wore that day if they comfy

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

I have like makeup n hairspray

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Night

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

Reaper tale of a pale swordsman. Thats literally it

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

I was beating the shit out of a friend. Woke up on the floor punching the ground. Happened a few months ago

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

Root beer

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

Whatever tf tool got going on

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Sweats

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

Like a damn mess.

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

I dont really relax.

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

A tool one

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

Fuckin.. chillz

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[sheilarice1]

(Silver Death - Part 4)

Ew. I’m old:

"Holy shit."

"What? They aren't that bad. Besides, it was my own damned fault that I got them."

"That are very bad Lady of Silver. Only a great worrier could have walked away from battle with these wounds and survive."

"I'm going to agree with Thor. When I did this, it should have killed you."

"Nah. Hulk did it, not you. Besides I found a medic quick. I am fine. Oh and Thor. I'm no warrior. I am a cold blooded killer, nothing else."

With everyone staring I push back my chair and go back outside. While crossing the yard I can hear them trying to find out how I survived.

The answer is simple really. HYDRA messed with me and gave me serums and shots. I am way to strong for my own good and can heal quicker than most people. Even the famous Captain America.

Allowing my feet to take me where they wish I once again end up in my shed, not working just sitting in the rafters that hold the bay doors up. I have my own little nest up there.

My nest is basically where four joists meet with boards laying around them to make a platform. There are a few books and some blankets and a pillow up there. It's practically the only place I will sleep. Unless Winter is here. He'd have a fit if he new I slept out here.

Without realizing it I start to drift off until I hear voices coming down the ladder shaft.

"She needs an elevator. No wonder she has such great legs."

"Stark that's disgusting. And not everyone can afford to get an elevator."

"I agree with Nat. Don't be looking at her legs like that."

"Steve do you have a crush?!"

"No Tony! I don't even know her!"

"I'm pretty sure that Bucky wouldn't approve of your crush anyway. It's a good idea to keep it hidden."

"Not you to Natasha!"

"Sorry. I'm at the bottom!!"

Took them long enough. Why wouldn't they just slide down? It's so much faster.

Watching them from above they start walking around my shed looking at what I have. There are 4 doors leading off of the main area. That they notice.

Behind the doors are:

A bathroom/laundry room

A parts room

A computer/hacking room

And my armoury

They go to the bathroom, muttering about how small it is (Stark) and how nice the lighting is(Widow). When they go into the armoury and don't come out for 5 minutes I start to get curious. As I am about to jump from my platform they walk out.

Walking to the computer room I start to wonder what I have left running and what is easy to hack. I mean in their group of three-no five, Winter and Scarlett just came down- has Tony Stark an extraordinary computer expert and Black Widow an ex-assassin who hacked into SHEILD.

I'm screwed. They are going to find me out what I have been trying to figure out.

Who am I?

I know that my name is Jessica Rice, from my HYDRA file that I stole one day. It was like I never existed. It makes my job- figuring out who the hell I was- a lot harder.

Either they are going to find my scans for that or the files that I have from when I hacked HYDRA a few weeks back; they were mostly on Winter, and the doctor dude that did shit to us.

Jumping from my platform I turn myself invisible and land gracefully in a roll. By gracefully I mean I land on the heels of my feet creating a loud clapping noise that echoes through the shed.

Hopefully they assume I have dropped something while repairing the jet.

Never mind.

Widow walked out of the computer room with her gun in her hands looking for where the noise originated. Scarlett is trying to find out if anyone else is in the shed by doing her magic stuff.

One of her ribbon things gets a little to close for comfort and I simply side step towards the jet while trying to make absolutely no sound.

Success.

Walking out of the jet in plain sight -with earbuds in so they would assume that I hadn't heard them come in- I stop and look at them.

"Hi,"

"You weren't in there before. Like 10 minutes ago when we were looking for you."

"I was on top. By the way why are there dents on top of the jet?"

"Because Clint likes barrel roles."

"Okay. Anyway how long have you been down here? And what time is it?"

"Well darling-"

"Do. Not. Darling. Me. Stark."

"Okay. Fine, don't need to be such a grouch about it. We've been down here for like 15 minutes."

"What Tony is trying to say is we were looking for you because we were planing on heading into town to get some supplies."

"Thank you for the better explanation Scarlett. Winter why are you glaring at America?"

"Reasons."

"Whatever. Need a ride or are you planing on going on your own?"

"Well I am not sure what is in your town but Natasha was planing on coming with me."

"Okay. Well I can come if you want me to show you around."

"That would be lovely."

Now, why did I do that? She's been trying to get in my head since she got here and even with the failures she won't give up.

"Okay. Stark where'd you wander off to? I don't want you in here unsupervised."

"I'm a professional adult!" Whining now "Why can't I stay?"

"Because I don't want you breaking anything or snooping threw my files, blueprints or trying to hack my computer."

"Harsh. And how did you know that we found your computer?"

Shit. Um. Uh. Drawing a blank. This can't be good. Raise an eyebrow and roll your eyes.

Nodding towards the now closed door that hides the computer room

"I saw you go in there before I hopped down from the roof."

"Ah"

"But you were in there. I'm gonna make sure you didn't mess with anything."

Walking past him I go into my computer room.

My computer room is a dimly lit room that has 5 screens, a TV, a couple speakers and multiple different bits of a computer I took apart on the bench against the side wall. It's nothing special but it is helpful when hacking different places.

Checking the damage he has done is simple. He has barely even touched my computer that gets used the least. And even then only for music.

Rolling my eyes I leave and lock the door. A finger print scanner that is attached to a 5 digit key pad.

"No one answered my second question."

"What was is Silver?"

"What time is it Winter?"

"It was about 11:00am when Wanda and I came down."

I was in my nest for almost 2 hours. Wow. I guess it was more then drifting off.

Nodding towards the ladder they all file in. Stark, America, Scarlett, Widow, Myself then Winter. He is the only one I trust completely out of this whole group so far. But I am hoping to warm up to Hawkeye and Widow, they seem like people I could get along with.

While climbing I allow my mind to drift because they are so slow. Well, Stark is and he's first. My mind goes to the only memory I have as a child.

**flash back thing**

"Mommy look!"

"Jessica where did you find that? It should be locked away."

"The lock is broken mommy."

"Well. For a 4 year old you are pretty smart."

"Yup! 5x5 is 25!

"Who taught you that?"

"Uncle."

"Jessica. You don't have an uncle. Who taught you that?"

"The man with the smart son."

"Do you mean Mr. Howard? My boss?"

"Yes mommy."

"Okay. I'm going to take that and put it back and we are going to pretend hat the lock is not broken okay?"

"Okay! I like the pretend game. I am very good at it!"

"That you are Hun. What do you want to eat for supper?"

"Hmmm. Sgetti!"

"Spaghetti?"

"Yah!"

"Okay. Im gonna go put this away and then we are going to make spaghetti and our special sauce!!"

"Yay!"

I watched my mothers back as she walked dow the hallway to her room. I had picked the lock on mommy safe and was going to show her. But the worried sound in her voice told me not to let her know I picked the lock. But to make up a quick pretend.

**flash back thing over**

"The man with the smart son? You new Tony's dad?"

With Tony just reaching the top he started yelling

"Who new my dad? And I am smart!!"

"Silver new him. She called him her Uncle."

"I was little. He was my mothers boss. She often took me to work and left me with Howard. He enjoyed kids. And Scarlett please stay out of my head. That's practically the only memory that isn't violent and gruesome."

"How old are you?? My dad died in 1991. You said you were 24. The math doesn't add up."

"No. I should be 24. I don't think I was ever put in cryo freeze."

"You. Um. You were in Cryo a few times Silver. Only for about a year or eight each time but. You should be 48." Winter looks nervous while telling me this.

"Ew. I'm old."

With that everyone starts laughing.

"Shut up! Ugh. Are you girls ready for town? I wanna get away from these three."

"No we need to change."

Realizing they were still in the clothes that I gave them when they first arrived I feel guilty.

"You two coulda grabbed anything outta my closet or dresser. Or I shoulda realized you hadn't changed."

"Meh. On missions we don't change very often Silver."

"Are you sure Scarlett?"

"Yes. And so is Natasha."

"Well still sorry."

Making it into the house I send them into my room to pick out their outfits and would Winter aside.

"Don't let Any one into my lab shed thing. Especially Stark."

"Why?"

"I have files on HYDRA that they don't have. That I don't want them to have."

"What are the files on?"

"Me. My death count doubles you and Widows combined. I don't want them to know that."

"Silver. You can trust this team. They will understand."

"No they won't. Not once they see some of the names that are in there. I killed some of their friends and family James. They would hate me if they knew."

"Tony forgives me for killing his parents. The rest would forgive you."

"I doubt it."

With that I walk away and go to my truck. It has bullet proof with tinted windows. When the girls come out of the house they look happy and comfortable.

When they get in Widow sits in the front seat and Scarlett gets into the back. Their smiles disappear quickly.

This was gonna be a fun day.

[mha-fanfic-writer]

I would hug him

Part of the todoroki family

Name: Akari todoroki 

Age:16

Quirk: white flames

Hair color: white with faded red

Eye color: blue

Description of quirk:  you have white flames, you learned how to use it in different ways, You can last about an hour longer than todoroki when he uses his quirk.

Homelife: If someone were to know who had it worse you or shoto, it would be you. Your quirk was white flames. You were hotter than shots but because he had fire an ice he still continued training. But you had it worse since you lasted longer than Touya or shoto when using your quirk. Enji trained you longer than he did shoto. He was harder on you. Yet your mother’s first instinct was to go to him, completely ignoring you when you were on the floor crying. You didn’t know if it was because she knew Touya was going to come and help you or what all you knew was that you felt like she hated you. Also, you and shoto are supposed to be twins but you guys aren’t really, you guys were both born on the same day but that’s about it.

“Touya’s dead” those words from your father echoed through your head. At that moment you felt your whole world come crashing down. You felt your sibling’s eyes on you but you didn’t care. Tears started rolling down your face as you stood there shocked. Had he really just left you alone to deal with this monster you call a father. But why. Your thoughts were interrupted when fiyumi held something up in front of you. “Touya told me to give this to you on your birthday but I think you need it now.” she had tears in her eyes but she still smiled. You took the hoodie from her looking at it. It was a black hoodie with blue strings. The zipper was broken and it had a small tear on the side of it. “But this is Touya’s favorite,” you said as some tears fell onto the hoodie. You looked inside the hoodie and found a paper. You took it out and read it. “Dear Akari, it’s your big bro. I wanted to give you this, you told me you liked it a while ago, its kinda old but I hope you like it. Love you, happy birthday sis. P.S. try getting rid of that biting your lip habit” was what it said. You could feel more tears falling as you read the paper. You put the note in your pocket and put the hoodie on. It was way too big for you. It was kind of bi on him last time you saw it. The hood covered your eyes not letting you see. Natsuo lifted it up revealing your smiling face. Still teary but smiling. Shoto hugged you, you gratefully returned the hug. After that, you never took it off. Only when you were training or needed to wash it. Your 8-year-old self didn’t know how to at the time so fiyumi took care of it.

By the age of 10, you stopped calling your father, father, and called him enji or endeavor. You had so much hatred towards this man, he didn’t even seem like a man to you he seemed like a monster. You were the only one brave enough to actually fight back as your other siblings just watched. You had become cold to your family. You didn’t talk to shoto like you used to, nor fiyumi nor Natsuo, not even your own mother. All you wanted was your big brother. You all used to call him big bro Touya, he was the oldest but he was shorter than fiyumi and Natsuo. Even then he always protected you guys. 

You were 13 when you ran away. You didn’t know why but something was telling you Touya was still alive. You made it your goal to find him. You were going to find him.

By the time you were 14, you were a well-known assassin. You had stopped wanting to be a hero when you were 9 but kept that to yourself. They had announced you dead too after you left. The public knew you as deadline. Your identity was a secret form everybody, the media never got a good picture of you. All they got was a girl with long white hair and that was it. Other than that the pictures were blurry. You had killed a lot of people and you had to admit you felt good. You had two goals now, find your brother, and kill endeavor. 

You were 16 right now. You looked up to stain. Every word he spoke was the truth. This world was filled with fake hero’s. One that just wanted money, fame, glory. It made you sick. You kept tabs on your brother. Apparently he was going to UA now. You were watching the news in your apartment when your phone rang. “Hello this deadline speaking what can I help you with” your voice was calm, almost seductive. “We have a job for you,” the man said. “Go on,” you said. “We need you to try and kill endeavor,” the man said, you could almost hear the smirk in his tone. “Is that so,” you said putting out the cigarette you had. “We offer 1 million if you try and he doesn’t die, we give 2 million if he doses die.” the man said. “No, how about 2 million if he doesn’t die and 4 million if he does” you offered. It was silent on the other side. “Deal, we’ll send one of our guys when the jobs done, we need it done by the end of the month,” he said before hanging up. You put your phone down and smiled to yourself. “I guess I have to speed the process up a bit, oh well works for me,” you said to yourself. “Im coming enji” you sai to yourself. You giggled, that giggle turned into a laugh, then a psychotic laugh. You did your research on his whereabouts. Apparently he had a meeting next week with the top pros. You looked at where it was going to held, then you planned out everything. 

The next week came by fast. You woke up earlier than usual. You noticed that the white dye was starting to wash out a bit showing the faded red at the end. You shrugged it off and figured you would redye it later. “So the meetings at 12:00 pm,” you thought to yourself as you tied your hair up in a ponytail. Your hair was long, it went down to your knees. You put on your black ripped jeans, with a white shirt. You put Touya’s hoodie on. You had fixed the tear it had, you also did something so the hood wouldn’t fall off if thongs got messy and you had to fight. You put on your white mask that had your villain name on the bottom of it. You looked in the mirror at yourself. Your eyes seemed the brightest under the hood. You had to admit you had lost some of your sanity over the years. But you felt happier away from the place you used to call home. You put the two guns on your belt, put the spear point pocket knife next to one of the guns, and put the normal straight with the other. You didn’t like using your quirk to kill, only if you had to. That would just make it easier for them to identify you. You were skilled with a knife and gun, a lot of other weapons to but these were your favorites. The spear pint was dull, you used it when you wanted them to feel more pain. You used the other when you wanted to make it quirk because it was sharp and you struggled less. When you left your place it was 10:00 am. He was walking to the meeting, apparently, he wanted to meet some fans so you figured he would start walking around 11:00 am and you were right. He was by himself. There were no other pros around right now. When he was walking through an alleyway to get away from the cameras you jumped him. You stabbed his right hand and put a white cloth in his mouth muffling the sound. You quickly did the same on the other hand but of course, he was going to put up a fight. You didn’t have to kill him even though you really wanted to. You had stabbed him 3 times and shot him 2 times. He was still standing though. He couldn’t use his flames from his hands if he did that could cause a lot of permanent damage. You used the normal straight and stabbed him in the back. When he fell on his knees you spoke. “How’s it feel getting stabbed in the back by your own child,” you said with an evil smirk. His eyes widened. He tried speaking but he was to fucked up and muffled. You laughed in front of him before he knocked out. Or died you would find out later. “It feels so good to finally do that after all these years,” you said with a relieved sigh. You heard clapping behind you. You turned around to see the number 3 hero hawks standing there. He got to endeavor and tried to stop the bleeding. “Pathetic,” you said. He sent one of his feathers to get you but you disappeared in the swirl of white fire. He waited for the others to arrive so he could look for you but he never found you. When you returned t your place you were pretty fucked up yourself. Your mask had his blood splattered on it, along with your shirt, the hoodie you could barely tell. You took off your clothes and but them in the washer. You lied down in your bra and jeans watching the news. “Pro hero endeavor stabbed and shot in an alleyway on his way to a meeting. The pro heroes claim it was the assassin villain known as deadline.” the lady continued on. You scoffed. You wrapped your head and your arms in bandages. “Stupid bird” you muttered to yourself. You had gotten into problems with him before, barely escaping. He never really saw you. He had no idea what you looked like all he knew was that you were too fucking good at your job. You were the only villain that ever got away from him.

Dabi’s POV

When I first heard my sister was dead already knew it wasn’t true. They said the same thing for me yet im still here. It wasn’t that hard to figure out deadline was her either. What amazed me but also pissed me off was the fact that she got to endeavor first. But she does have her reasons. I’ve ran into her a few times but she didn’t recognize me at all. Then again that is the point. When shigaraki told me to try and recruit her I felt pity for her. If she did join she would probably die the first week. But that handjob is my boss right now so I dont really have a choice.

Your POV

All I wanted was ramen, not to try and be recruited by the league of villains. Yes, they were a good group but why now. I’m still beaten up and my fucking ankle hurts. Why am I going with this guy. “So tell me again why your boos wanted me to join,” I asked him, He didn’t really give me detail on why before. “I dont know, what I do know is that a small fire like you is gonna get themselves killed within a week” he smirked. “Wow, clearly you dont know me,” I said giving him one of my own. 

Authors POV

Dabi actually thought he did, but you had changed from that cute innocent girl from childhood. He just didn’t see it. When he saw you still had the hoodie he gave you he couldn’t help but smile a bit. You were the one person he could never hurt. Villian or not he would never. He had made you that promise back when you were 6. He might have broken a lot of promises but ht one was the only one he count break. “Zip it up,” he said when he noticed you just had your bra on with the hoodie and jeans. “Cant the zippers broken, and even then it’s fucking hot” you wined as you looked up at the sun. Maybe it was just his big brother instincts telling him to say that. “Well, just a warning, we have a crazy girl named toga. She’s a complete psychopath. Our leader is to,” he said trying to remember everybody he could. “Then there twice, he’s pretty chill, there’s this other guy, calls himself spinner. He licked collecting knives and shit” he said bluntly. You just nodded. “What about you what’s your name,” you asked. “Just call me dabi, what’s your name,” he asked. “Just call me deadline,” you said. “So are you dead,” he asked. You knew exactly what he meant by are you dead. “She’s gone, that innocent girl is gone,” you said with a small smile on your face. “So am I,” he said looking down at you. “Damn it you fucking tree, you’re too tall” you wined. “Nah your just to short,” he said patting you on the head. You were probably about 5’2 or 5’1. You forgot all you knew was that this man was too tall for you. He seemed oddly familiar, yes you had met him but you never really met him. 

When you guys got to the base you were greeted by a black fog guy. “I see you got her here” he seemed like a gentleman. “Oh yeah that’s kurogiri,” dabi said. “Forgot about him,” he said as he walked to where the other girl was sitting. “So your the one who almost killed endeavor,” a guy with a hand on his face said as he scratched his neck. God, he was disgusting. “Yeah” was all you said. “Zip up your hood,” he said looking away from you. “Oh my god, the zippers fucking broken I can’t” you wined. “Dabi where did you find her,” he asked. “She was on her way to the ramen shop nearby,” he said. Shigaraki sighed. “How old are you,” he asked. “16,” you said bluntly. The girl jumped up. “Yay, im not the only girl here anymore, and shes around my age,” she said excitedly. “Oh great, another minor” shigaraki said. You ignored him. “How old are you toga,” you asked. “17,” she said happily. “Good to know,” you said with a smile. “So tell us about yourself,” spinner said as he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed.  “If you’re trying to look edgy, stop,” you said bluntly. Some of the others just laughed. “Im being serious,” he said. Toga dragged you over to sit with her. “What do you wanna know,” you asked. “What’s your past” toa asked. “Uh, abusive dad. He wanted power more than anything. He had a lot of children just so they could be what he wanted.” you leaned back. “Me and my other brother were twins, both the youngest. I wasn’t close to him though. I was closer to my two older brothers than my twin or my sister. Especially my older brother. He protected me a lot, my mother kina just ignored me. He was there up until I was 8. He “Died,” you said rolling your eyes.  “My father didn’t care, he continued training me till I felt like I was going to die. All my brother left was this hoodie. And a note” you said pulling out a piece of paper from the pocket. Dabi couldn’t blive you still had it. “Can we read it?” toga asked. “Sure,” you said handing it to her. She and dabi read it. “Aw, that’s nice,” toga said. “What did you scribble out,” dabi asked. “My name,” you said. “I’ll tell you guys it when I feel I can trust you, but only my first name. Anyways. After he left the torture never ended. I burned myself a lot.” you said lifting up your sleeve to your shoulder. There was a huge burn mark. “My father did this to me after he died, saying it was my fault,” you said as you put it down. “That son of a bitch told her it was her fault,” dabi thought to himself. “He didn’t want to accept the fact that it was his so he pinned it on me. I believed it for the longest time. When I was 9 I stopped wanting to be a hero. When I was 13 I ran away from that place. Leaving everybody behind. Not that I really cared, I know my brothers still alive. Im not that stupid.” you said shooting a glare at dabi. “I mean I’ve met him before, didn’t recognize him the first couple of times but the most recent one I knew it was him,” you said looking away as a smile appeared on your face. You really did figure it out, he wasn’t really surprised though. “What would you do if you saw him again” twice asked. You thought for a second. “First I would punch him for leaving me alone like that, them I would hug him, then punch him again for not taking me with him,” you said. The others just laughed. “Oh really,” dabi said with a smirk. You both got up. “Uh-huh,” you said as a shit-eating grin was plastered no your face. Everybody else was confused. Dabi was fine if they knew you guys were siblings as long as they didn’t know who your family was. Or your names. You both stepped closer to each other. “Do it then?” he said in a challenging voice. He thought your punch wasn’t going to be as strong as it was. When you punched him he doubled over and spit out some blood. “Woops to hard,” you said rubbing the back of your neck. “Wheres my fucking hug,” he said standing up straight. You wrapped your arms around him and he did the same. The league had no words. “Oh my god, this cute” toga said. You both pulled away and turned to her. You just smiled as you punched him again a little less hard though.