#so itll just have to exist there in spirit or something idk

[fairyceridwen]

RIGHT NOW imagine Thorfinn and Einar playing this ok ok ok it's your Angel Tango homework

[ratgingi]

hey leans on expensive car full of cool shiny things care to tell me bout that guy i see :3c

grabs you frothing at thw mputh and shaking. boy do i

probably will include spoilers for the game/series hes from idk im going insane over here

but his name is ukyo hes from an otome game c (and anime but the game came first and is my fav) named amnesia: memories

hes so wet and sad and is constantly In A Situation and is so dear to me. amnesia memories was like. the first serious dating-sim-type-game i ever really played and i was drawn to him from the very start like before i even knew anything about him i met him in the game for like 2 seconds and was like oh. you are everything to me

SPOILERS AHEAD BIG SPOILERS BIG SPOILERS

its been a hot minute since i played but frm my memory: hes the original boyfriend for the girl you play as, who dies toward the end of august in a fire, and hes so sad and despressed and fucked up about it that he wishes so hard to bring you back that a god is like Holy Shit sir i am so sorry here let me help you and slings him into a reality where youre still alive. HOWEVER. he does not belong to those realities so the world is Actively Trying To Kill Him. and every time bc he doesnt Belong There youre dating someone else and he has to just kinda watch. and eventually he eats shit and dies and every time the god is like oh fuck oh shit brings him back and slings him into another reality to try again. rinse and repeat a bunch of times and eventually his brain literally splits into two in a desperate attempt at self preservation and this second half (called uraukyo) constantly is trying to kill you. this is because if You die, He will get to live since it makes room for him in that reality or something of that sort . and that makes omoteukyo really fuckin Stressed obviosuly because he loves you so dearly and trying to keep you alive is the reason hes doing this shit in the first place

so hes constantly trying to ensure you the player survive past the date youre supposed to die (becayse you are Destined To Die no matter what. the entire month of august the world is trying to kill you and hes saving you nearly every time and every time he does the world tries Even Harder to nerf you) and eventually the god runs out of power to send him to a new timeline. and is like ok. new plan. this is your Last Chance bozo i cant fuckin help anymore and sends him back in time in his original timeline before you die so he can try and save you

because if you can make it past august in his original timeline, you both get to live

its important to note that this entire time a spirit named orion is like Fused with your consiousness (you find out later this is meant to help protect you or smth, but even He doesnt know that) amd bc of this youve got No Fucking Clue about literally anhthing you have total memory loss and are just having to pretend its fine and you dont bc you and orion decide that you cant trust anyone and if you get sent to a hospital bc the memory loss is bc of Him itll only get Worse if you guys arent activrly out trying to revive it

also ukyo is totally aware of all of this bc orion is the helper of the god whos helping ukyo

ALSO he actively says he does not care if he seems creepy (bc he does a lot of things that make him seem stalkerish/like he knows too much, he warns you of upcoming events since he knows the world will try to kill you there, he knows your schedule and your friends bc again he used to Date You, etc etc its bc of the timeloop shit and all that) and he doesnt care if you hate him he just wants to ensure you live its so sad

im like delusional hes just so sad and miserable and deserves everything good that exists ok

[nerdygaymormon]

uhhhh david have you gotten the liahona yet bc idk how to feel about an article i found in there yesterday. it was pretty comforting and basic, but did use ssa the whole time. BUT the youth one was pretty crappy, it used ssa to the max and gave no real hope, was pretty bland and annoying about oh itll be find just believe and jesus and get hatecrimed <3 i would like to hear your thoughts on it, its the first time ive seen any queer topics in church magazines

Thanks for bringing these to my attention.

"Same-sex attraction" (SSA) is the preferred term of Church leaders. They say it's a way of not making it your identity, that this isn't part of who I am but rather is something I'm dealing with. In other words, people "have" same-sex attraction, not that they "are" gay or lesbian or bi.

There have been a few leaks from behind-the-scenes where the apostles say they use "same-sex attraction" because it's the term that people like least. People like it less that same-gender attraction or gay/lesbian. SSA includes the word "sex" and I guess the idea is it gets people to think of sexual acts and feel queasy.

SSA is the term normally used in Church magazines because they follow the lead of the First Presidency and apostles.

There's 3 items in the Church magazines this month about queer people! That's a lot for one month.

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The first is a bishop talking about how to understand and include LGBT people at church. After becoming bishop, 3 sets of parents contacted him distressed that their child is gay or transgender (I note that the parents used "gay." He also mentions contacting someone who 'identifies as gay").

His first recommendation is to follow the living apostles. (which explains why the bishop uses "SSA" even though everyone else around him used "gay"). It's a good idea for a local leader to find what the current leaders are saying because it's changed. He also says to read the Church's websites titled “Same-Sex Attraction” and “Transgender.” He provides two lovely quotes from those pages about diversity at church and being loving to people who are different.

His second recommendation is to not be afraid to talk to people who identify as gay, but instead try to have love for them and then let the Spirit guide you in what to say. We're just people, it shouldn't be scary to talk to us, that shows how different he thinks we are from the other people he interacts with in his ward.

The bishop's third suggestion is to speak to people who are familiar with LGBT "issues," share your testimony, and apologize for hurtful things you say. His list of people to contact for help understanding was a little disheartening because he starts with his stake leaders, ward leaders, other bishops, and so on, actual queer people were the last people on his list.

He continues by saying to pull aside members who are saying homophobic or transphobic things and give them some personal guidance, don't share private information that a member shares with the bishop, and just because someone has these "attractions" doesn't mean they're acting on them, and if they aren't "acting" on them then you can let them have a calling.

I have a few comments about the last few things. If no one corrects the homophobic/transphobic comments in public but instead privately suggests the person do better, every one who heard those comments thinks they stand unchallenged. The atmosphere created by the comments is unchanged. Especially if the bishop was present to hear those words, if they go uncontested then people think this is what is acceptable.

You'd think bishops know not to share private information a member shares with them. I've been around long enough to know that when a bishop is unsure what to do, he starts contacting his network (stake presidency, other bishops) asking for advice. Some bishops are discreet when doing this and others name the individuals.

While it seems basic, I recently had a counselor in a bishopric who didn't think gay people could get a temple recommend, that there's a zero-tolerance policy. That is an attitude that is outdated by a couple of decades, but it shows that people need to learn that simply existing as a gay or trans person doesn't automatically mean we are committing great sins.

I do find it interesting there appears to have been quite a few queer individuals in his ward, at least 4 or 5, and reading between the lines it seems they all stopped attending.

The bishop's heart is in the right place. I get he's following the Church leaders and that limits some of what he can do for queer people in his ward. I think his perspective primarily is of making the parents feel more welcome in the ward and not ostracized for having queer kids.

————————————————————

The second article in the Liahona is written by a person with same-sex attraction and his work to overcome the shame he felt.

It's a much better article than the one written by the bishop. This person shares about the shame they felt at having gay feelings and working with a therapist to overcome that shame. He shares 3 lessons that helped him with this process.

1) God and Jesus love and accept him as he is. This is a message that doesn't often get conveyed to queer members and it's important they know this.

2) The Atonement of Jesus Christ offers healing. At first he was wanting the Atonement to cure him of being gay, but instead it helped him be healed of the shame he felt. I hear so many members who think the Atonement can change us from gay to straight, and that's not true. I'm glad he made this distinction. Our Heavenly Parents don't view being gay or trans as something that needs to be cured. I wish that message was taught more openly in the Church.

3) Build deeper connections and show compassion. Loneliness and feeling like you don't belong at church are two of the most troubling aspects an LGBTQ+ person has to deal with if they are active in the LDS Church. Developing close friendships will help with that. Also, queer people tend to be more compassionate than the average person and I believe it's because of the experiences we had to deal with of living in a heteronormative world that isn't made for us.

He includes a few useful tips at the end on how to engage with queer people.

All in all, a much better story than the one written by the bishop. He shared part of how it feels to be a gay member of this church, the idea that he should be ashamed for who he is, that being gay isn’t a burden, that he doesn't fit in.

I appreciated he said this is part of his layers of identity and at the core of his identity is that we're children of heavenly parents. That's more nuanced than the apostles who reject being gay has anything to do with identity and our only identity should be a child of God.

————————————————————

The final story is from For the Strength of Youth. This piece seems like it's written by a queer person, but it's anonymous and given as general advice to show that people with same-sex attraction belong at church.

This article makes 3 main points. The first is that God loves you. That's true, although accompanying quotes to back up this principle aren't specifically about queer people.

The second point is "you belong." All sorts of people attend church, and God is no respecter of persons. Then they have a quote from Elder L. Whitney Clayton that people with same-sex attraction are welcome to come to church. To me, he's an odd choice to give this message as he led the Church's fight in California on Prop 8 to make gay marriage illegal again. Words aren't enough. Saying I'm welcome is not the same as making a welcoming climate.

The third point is that God will help you. They include a quote from Laura F. who experiences same-sex attraction. She writes about prayer, scripture study, temple and church attendance. However, she also says she doesn't know what her life will look like in 20 years, she seems to be leaving open the possibility her journey with God will lead her to romance and out of the church. I thought that was very honest and important.

————————————————————

I found it noteworthy that nowhere in these 3 articles does it say being alone and celibate is good and what God wants.

I appreciate the idea that we can make our local congregations less homophobic/transphobic. The suggestions from the bishops shows that the bar is pretty low and it doesn't take much to make an improvement from how things are now.

The voices of the two gay members was important, what they shared was useful but nuanced, didn't make commitments to staying in the church long-term or testify that what the church requires is what God wants for them.

Even so, it's clear the publisher is very careful. They use "same-sex attraction" so often, I think readers would be surprised the preferred term of most same-sex attracted people would be gay, bi or lesbian. While they addressed some things, like homophobic/transphobic comments, feeling shame & not fitting in, I think they largely skated past the things that make queer people decide that this church isn't for them.

There's a part of me that says I'm glad we're having this conversation in the Church magazines, but another part that says this is too sanitized and doesn't get at the heart of things. These are very hopeful messages that make it seem that queer people could easily choose to stay in church if a few adjustments were made and if they only understood God loves them, which avoids the "doctrine" that excludes queer people from the highest blessings and joys and makes us essentially second-class citizens in the kingdom of God, at least according to our church.

[kevinwastaken]

okay so idk if anyones done this yet, but this has been in my mind ever since i got into omori lmao

so uhHhHhhh heres my idea for an identity v omori crossover! just because i think it would be neat

this is going to be a super long post (probably), so if you want to read it, just hit read more or whatever

i also want to say that some character choices are gonna be taken from my friend, @/kami.rikki on instagram. but she didnt think as hard on these as i did so like idk

there Will be spoilers for omori, so just be warned of that lmao

so as i said before, this has been on my mind for a HOT minute. and i think it would be a cool collab

for starters, this crossover will be split up (as is every other crossover) in two parts, with one hunter two survivors. i know essence usually have one hunter three survivors, but theres not enough characters for that, and six can be split up evenly sooo

i was thinking that the skins could be like the ones from the persona 5 crossover. like, they can be “awakened” in a sense. the base costumes will be the dream world versions of everyone, while the awakened costumes will be the real world versions. i wasnt here for the persona 5 crossover, so idk how many of those spirit things you had to collect, but i Do know that omoris spirit things could be. uh

well actually i dont know. initially i was thinking lightbulbs, like the one in white space, but the lightbulb isnt too important in the game i dont think? and im not sure about clams either. i know theyre dream world currency, but??

oh actually, maybe you can collect Something to awaken the costumes. because something is a representation of the truth in sunnys mind, and by awakening the costumes, you get to see the characters as their real selves. yeah lets go with that, you collect something from the essence

i swear ive been thinking this out shut up

the hunter costumes wont be awakened though, and i have a reason for this

anyway

part one

the characters that will be present in part one are sunny, basil, and aubrey. i chose them first because. ofc, sunnys the protag, basils his best friend and helped cover up maris death hes important to the story but anyway, and aubrey is <<33 yuh

so heres whos going to be who:

sunny/omori as wu chang

so let me preface this by saying that im not a hunter main. never have been, never will be. and ive never played wu chang. but i swear thisll make sense, im doing research

wu chang is actually composed of two characters, with two different stats: xie, the white guard, and fan, the black guard. i cant tell the difference while im playing, considering the fact that my ass is either running away or decoding. but theres a difference i looked it up

sunny would be the white guard. xie is a fast chaser, but has slow attack speed. ie, slow hits, slow pallet breaking, that stuff. this reflects how sunny is in the real world. he can run, yes, but hes still physically weak due to being locked in his house for four years and spending all his time sleeping. he would be better for chasing than attacking

omori would be the black guard. fan is the opposite of xie, having slow chasing speed but faster attack speed. this reflects in omori. omori is Very apathetic, and really, i dont think he would care to chase anybody unless it was for a quest. though, i guess killing survivors Is a quest for hunters, but. anyway

in battle, omori is a good fighter. his attacks are strong, (although not as strong as say. aubrey or kel. but who am i to say, the playthrough i watched had omori constantly sad) out of him and sunny, omori would be the attacker. so theres my choice for them

the umbrella can probably be switched for a knife. maybe an elongated knife. im not entirely sure, but i know the umbrella wont stay as an umbrella

basil as kurt frank

so i know what youre thinking. why is basil “the explorer??” hear me out this is actually a really good idea

the true best choice would be emma, since shes the gardener, but idv doesnt like giving characters skins of the opposite gender if you know what i mean. anyway

basil isnt a fighter. hes an assist, yes, but that was only for a crime four years ago. not my point, he wouldnt want to be in the action

i think he’d be a really good decoder. especially a good kurt

i originally wanted him to be prisoner, out of no bias whatsoever (/j) but kurt is a good fit for him

basil hides. he hides from things. he hides from the truth just like sunny, and he hides from others. albeit he still goes outside

i will not lie, i have a very personal grudge against kurt players. i dont want them to have anything because every kurt main ive come across was toxic to me specifically. but anyway

so one of kurts abilities is that he can go smaller to run around undetected and/or hide. i find this perfect for basil, because. yknow. hiding

his other ability is to find password pages and use them to decode ciphers faster. i think this would be funny because basils existence in headspace leads sunny to remembering the truth about maris death. i mean, if he werent in headspace, omori and the gang would continue going on adventures like nothing is wrong, so basil sort of speeds up the acknowledging process

this sounds dumb actually. but it makes sense in my head

anyway, the book would be turned into basils photo album, and he wouldnt have a backpack like kurt does. theres my answer

and finally,

aubrey as margaretha zelle

aubrey was actually really hard to pick out. none of the female survivors really fit her, aside from maybe coord, but i dont know what her gun would turn into. i will admit that her section wont be as detailed as basil or sunnys. but anyway my choice is with margie

aubrey imo would be a good kiter. she has strong stats all around, so i feel as if she’d be a great fit for margie. not to mention her speed boost when falling from large heights, which would make her a faster runner and harder to chase if used right. aubrey would be more physically fit since shes a fighter and seems to do a lot of stuff with the hooligans, which also helps prove that she should be a kiter. ANYWAY

so margie has these music boxes that can mess with the hunter, right? some of aubreys attacks can mess with enemies iirc. soooo theyre kind of similar in a way, arent they?

im not exactly sure what the music box can be turned into. maybe a small piano? aubrey cares about mari a lot, and the reason shes so pissed at everyone and rebellious is because she felt like everyone had forgotten about mari and moved on with their lives. so the music box could be a tribute to mari

i dont know how many changes they made with ann tamakis costume in the persona crossover, other than cosmetics for the skin only, so im not sure if the music box was changed at all. i can dream though

in the case that its changed, the blue box could be the song from the playground in headspace (yknow the one) while the red box could be the final duet song. but just with the piano, not the violin

essence

because yes, i thought about the essence too

of course, aside from the skins, there will be other stuff in the essence too. so itll be as follows:

for portraits, theyre going to be the neutral battle portraits from headspace. aside from basil and mari, who do not have battle portraits. theirs will just be of their neutral expressions with the neutral emotion backround behind them. i would add pictures, but the character pictures add up to six, so i’d run out of room before reaching part two

for graffiti, im not really sure. maybe everyones overworld sprites in headspace? along with maybe one of Something

for accessories, i actually have an idea of what thesell be. theyre going to be character exclusive accessories, just like how tpn did theirs

for aubrey, she’ll have mr plantegg. i was thinking of maybe having her bat as an accessory, but

OH ACTUALLY her bat could be a shop accessory that changes the music boxes!! probably an a tier tbh

anyway, the essence accessory for her is mr plantegg, and its there strictly for cosmetic purposes. for basil, he’d get either a pair of garden shears, or a basil plant, since yknow. his names basil. this is also for cosmetic purposes

they all are. i should say that now, the accessories are all cosmetic except aubreys a tier shop bat

finally, for sunny, im not entirely sure what to give him. i could give him a knife, sure, but then he’d have two knives because of the umbrella. maybe a steak? or a pair of red hands? im torn on this

and that concludes part one

part two

**PLEASE BE AWARE THAT MARIS IMAGE HAS THE PHOTO FROM THE TRUTH ALBUM WHERE SHES HANGING FROM THE TREE. IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE IT, SKIP PAST IT. SHES THE FIRST CHARACTER IM PUTTING ON HERE

part two consists of mari, hero, and kel. do not separate them </3

here are my character choices:

mari as yidhra

so i know yidhra may seem like a weird choice. i originally thought of maybe mary, but this makes sense to me

yidhra herself will be mari. im not sure which version, but even though i have real world mari in the photo, maybe headspace mari would be better. nobody can see her anyway lmao

yidhras servants will be, again, mari, but she looks as she did when basil and sunny hung her on the tree. her hairs covering her face, with her right eye being visible. kind of like the girl from the ring, but anyway yeah

yidhra is the dream witch. she haunts your dreams and she haunts mine when i go against her. maris death haunts everyone, especially sunny and basil (whom know the truth of what happened,) so this just seems like a perfect fit

her death is “leeched” onto everyones minds (pun entirely intended), so attaching herself to survivors with only her death appearance visible is mmmm

instead of an axe, maybe her weapon can be the jump rope she was hung from? and it can be used as a whip? that makes the most sense to me idk

im not good at explaining things, but if you were to see dream witch in a match, youd know how good this would work

also brings a new meaning to “my thoughts will follow you into your dreams” HELLO

hero as norton campbell

so hero was kind of hard for me to pick too. i wanted him to be a support character, but looking around, there are. barely any that would work. my closest choice was victor, but?? the letters???? they dont correlate

hero doesnt give me kiter vibes, but nortons good at rescues too, as long as youre in an area with obstacles. and usually, when someone dies in battle, hero can make life jam to revive the fallen party member

nortons magnets are used to either bring the hunter closer to him, or push the hunter away. both can be used to stun with obstacles. while hero doesnt have any stun attacks that i can remember, he does have charming abilities that can be used to take damage for the other party members. so similar stuff? idk

i guess his magnets can be turned into chocolate chip cookies, since thats what he uses to heal everyone. if not cookies, then i dont know

oh actually one of nortons abilities is called “attract.” thats so funny if you put hero as him lmao

heros section is kind of short, my bad

kel as william ellis

come on. who else were you expecting me to use? its the basketball man as the football man

while kel is a fighter in battle, he can also be used as a backup healer. aubrey is the main fighter of the group, and hero is the main healer. so hes kind of a catch-all in a sense

kels an athlete. he plays basketball. williams an athlete. he plays football. need i say more

im not gonna lie, this is kind of a don tpn situation where it just Makes Sense that kel would be william

the football will probably be replaced with either a rubber ball or a basketball, depending on which skin youre using. the former is for headspace kel, the latter for real world kel

the buffs and debuffs for william makes sense on kel too. kel would probably have trouble with something as (probably) complex as the cipher machines, and the struggle and vaulting buffs show off his athleticisim

same with the football, using rush to rescue is such a kel thing to do

essence

for part two, there will be about the same things as part one

the portraits will be the neutral battle portraits, this time with the real world counterparts of everyone. basil and maris will be their neutral expressions on the neutral battle background. though, since mari doesnt have Real real world portraits, i guess they could use the one from the one i used on the mari yidhra picture

for graffiti, it can be the real world overworld sprites

in terms of accessories, theyre still cosmetic and character exclusive. maris can be the white egret orchid, since thats the flower that represents her. heros can be a spatula, as thats his weapon of choice in headspace. for kel, im not sure. hes using the ball as a weapon so???

maybe he can get a cactus, because thats his assigned plant

in terms of shop items, i think i know the perfect thing

mewo as a pet

mewo my beloved. nobody could ever forget you

mewo would be a hunter pet. she would be cool for survs too i guess, but considering both her owners are hunters.....

mewo would probably follow the hunter around, not really doing much. i think it would be Extremely funny though if every time a survivor was chaired, she just chilled next to them in the pose shes always in in white space

thats pretty much it. if you got this far, thank you!! i spent like two hours writing this whole thing out LMAO damn

[s3venpounds]

okay so chapter 193...

spoilers for those who dont read the manga or those who didn’t read up to chapter 193. just a theory about deku

okay hear me out here. I think deku DOES have a dormant quirk. Its the quirk to “attract power” very vague and unnoticeable but it makes sense. Quirks can work genetically and since the father is nowhere to be seen I think it still holds true since Deku’s mom could “pull things toward her”. Then theres the overeall argument between one for all and all for one about how the worlds unfair blah blah blah blah. But this raises the question how will this play into the final confrontation or at least deku’s journey from point a to b. I’m willing to bet (i’ve also watched chibi reviews on this chapter so its got me going on this kinda thought process) that deku’s gonna have some sorta goku spirit bomb moment to defeat one for all. it would play into this dormant quirk, it would result in everyones quirks being gone (thus making it true deku becomes the worlds greatest hero since super powers stop at that point or maybe one for all stole the worlds quirks somehow idk maybe involving eri by tracing and rewinding a quirk that used to be the very first and absorbing that thus gaining every quirk in existence? I just think eri has to play a part in it somehow, you dont give someone that overpowered quirk and not use them as some sort of turning point later) Theres also the mystery behind deku’s dream with the original holder of one for all (lets call him OFA (OFA deez nuts ayyyyyyy) ). kay so yknow how all might is basically just covered in flames? I think thats related to how he used his last bursts of one for all. I also like to think he wasn’t actually USING One for all , not in the truest sense or the way its intended to be used and that the previous holders that are clearly in vision are ones that actually mastered it and reached the same stage deku is currently in. ( seeing the predecessors and shit) It would make sense since All might has no idea that was a thing and was completely oblivious to it when deku brought up the first hints. It would also fit with his “dormant quirk” Like chibi says , he think itll be like an avatar state or imo, hit man reborn where the main characters meet their past guardians and inherit their power or fuck it even like naruto and the tailed beasts chakras. He learns from them, masters new techniques and eventually gains the predecessors quirks. This whole thing makes even more sense when you think about how all might has a muscle form but even during the fight with all for one, Nana shimura didn’t have a muscle form. All might wasn’t using one for all he was more of like, a guy who got his hands on a big sword and swung it around. The real one for all stockpiles basically the essence of all previous users. This makes it sound even MORE cool because one for all becomes this antithesis of all for one. Taking power by force or misdeeds vs a power build up through trust friendship and respect. Then theres OFA appearing like “ boooooooo~ i wanna show u more but u can only access 20% oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” that relates to izuku only being a head and hand with no mouth. The more he masters and accesses one for all the more in sync? i guess? he will be with the predecessors and once he gets the full story of OFA and AFO and gets the powers of the previous people he can be like “ oh damn both sides need saving or some shit” saves them and is like “ ayyy greatest super hero in the world” 

okay okay i went wayyy off on some points like with the whole “attracting power” okay hear me out. deku’s quirk has been activated from the very start. since that good cinnamon roll popped out of momma midoriya’s cooch this boi has been quirking it up and attracting power setting shit in motion. as a kid he attracted bakugo, a kid who everyone adored as strong and amazing because of his quirk (of course only after it manifested). skip time and suddenly Deku is a hero fanatic. watching heros in action taking notes. now I understand that society has evolved to have these heroes roaming around on a daily basis but would it be so hard to believe that conflict is attracted to him enough that he gets these front row seats to all these hero fights? enough to say... study them? then all might appears the biggest fish his quirk caught. then slime ball appears whos so powerful no one in the immediate area could counter his quirk cept yknow, all might. I like to think none of these are coincidences it makes for much cooler development. fast forward and suddenly out of all the robots, the BIGGEST FUCKING ROBOT JUST WALTZES TO FACE. something none of the applicants could fight. theres so many situations this could apply like????? todoroki and endeavor??? big fucking powerful. fucking nighteye, eri and overhaul? HELL FUCKING MUSCLE MAN GUY AT CAMP?!? WHY WAS HE THE ONE TO RUN INTO DEKU INSTEAD OF ANY OF THE OTHER OPERATIVES

also the two people who were in shadows or too far away. Using my theory it would mean those two ALSO reached the true potential for OFA however theyre “out of reach”? Maybe they were forced to transferring the quirk? or maybe like chibi said theyre alive somewhere, or maybe even villains OR MAYBE THEYVE BEEN TURNED TO YOUMU AND THE ONE FOR ALL CONNECTION GOT SEVERED DURING THE NOUMUING PROCESS(after they passed it on of course) since that still remains to be seen just how exactly noumu are made. 

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Ayyyyyyyyy time for Episode Nine babesssss hopefully its not as bad as the star wars movie

Okay, the scene of that one girl whos been helping the No Name Guard throwing some stuff into Aphs house is fine, I'll definitely have to change the order on some events though since Im assuming Aphmau is gonna see the effect of those splash potions right away now, which she cant do if shes staying in Brightport

Okay so, Aphmau cant have this convo w/ Garroth at the beach so I'll do it like this: Garroth still gets those disturbing news and he still gets worried abt Aph n stuff (at least I assume hes worried its kinda hard to tell). Meanwhile Aphmau is hangin out at the village, packing her things bc she wants to home soon. Paul accompanies her while they both go to the docks but on their way they hear a bunch of people whispering about lords being killed and all that. Paul stops and goes "uh oh, aphmau that doesnt sound too good" and she answers smth like "yeah it really does, its a good thing we wont be in danger though" to which Paul goes "Ehhh, I wouldnt be too sure about that ykno" Aphmau is a bit confused because "Im not a Lord" but Paul goes and says smth like "Ive seen the way you care for those villagers, for me, youre a Lord if ive ever seen one" Shes kinda flustered for a moment but then goes "Oh. Wait doesnt that mean Im in danger then?? Maybe I should stay here for a while" Paul agrees and tells her he knows someone she can send as a messenger so the others back home dont worry/they can maybe work something out while keeping Aph save

(The way im imagining this rn is basically like, Aphmau writes a letter to Garroth, gives it to this messenger who travel to him and gives him the letter and so on, I might come up w/ something better but thats the best ive got as of me writing this)

Zenix is doing something at the old Lord's house while Brenden works to take it down, Im not sure what I should write here bc like, Zenix is pretty clearly doing some shady shit but I dont remember anything he did or why he did it or the fact that he existed at all. So yea, maybe I'll just cut this entirely and leave it as something weird goin on in the background or I'll rewrite it when I have more context

She also doesnt get any of those potions, but they are technically free for Zenix to take now, so if that ever plays a role.......

Aphmau finishes the letter and gives it to that messenger, they have an exchange thats basically like "hey I heard this stuff about how Im like, a Lord basically and also theres someone going around killing all the Lords so I decided to stay in Brightport for now" "hello its good that you know that, Ive heard that too, deciding to stay there when you heard that was smart but Brightport is not as advanced as us (no offense) so it'll be better if you returned as soon as possible"

Im gonna research how long boat routes usually take later, for now I'll just say that between the messenger going back and dorth and Garroth n Aph writing the letters this takes like, one and a half days (bc yknow, that messenger has to sleep n eat too)

Meanwhile, Aphmau is mostly just chillin in Brightport. Shes a bit anxious bc of the whole Thing, but shes having a good time bonding with her new cat and keeping Pauls spirits up. At some point he says that he feels ready to go talk to Visher's Wife now, Aph gives him some encouraging words before he leaves and then she takes the opportunity to ask around a bit about the Lord and what he was like (i dont actually remember if that gets brought up at any point, so itll have to be pretty vague for now). Maybe she can also help w/ some issues the villagers are having so she can distract herself from her anxiety more idk

Maybe we can have a part where our villagers are a bit worried about Aphmau, particularly Emmalyn, Donna n Kiki. Maybe potentially Garroth too, but I actually think its kinda cool that so much of Garroth is initially a mystery and I'd like to keep it that way here too

Alrightyyyyyy also sorry for accidentally posting this before it was done lol

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

like

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

like

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk