#so it wasn't exactly noticeable but it all adds up into a pattern of behavior around food that's just deeply dysfunctional | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cannon4k · 14 days ago

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╭୨🥀୧︰I JUST NEED YOU, BABY.

┊︰ Vi x Reader fanfic

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Stalking, slightly possessive behavior, fighting, cussing, angst, jealousy and kinda slowburn, F/F

Word count: 7k

First fanfic on tumblr(also posted on ao3), if y'all have tips or criticism pls say so!!

Also noticed i kept switching up from referring to the reader as you/i, a sign that character ai chats Haven't left my vocabulary so i apologize 💔

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You stood paralyzed, the sweat on your forehead making strands of your hair stick on your face. Your eyes grazed at the sight in front of you, making your head and swirl around in confusion and fear, all kinds of emotions running around in your mind.

Your friend Vi holds her calloused hand against your mouth, your noises being muffled by it, as she pressed her body against yours, holding both of your wrists together with ease with her other hand, and you notice that she clearly is not using all her strength. You try to cry out, your hands shaking as despair lightly fills your body, and you can see her knee make her way between your thighs as you try to sound out words through the cloth.

“Stay quiet for me, okay cupcake?”

Tears start to fill your eyes.

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7:30am everyday you come to work, at the small and humble coffee shop in Zaun. This place used to be so scary, the Green hue filled the air you used to breathe as a kid, but now, everything is… Clear. You can see the blue and vibrant color of the sky, the clouds making a beautiful pattern, and the sun shining bright as it illuminates the crowded streets of Zaun. You remember enforcers used to ramage Zaun trying to look for any trouble or reason to throw anyone into StillWater, this small hatred for them still hasn't left your mind, but nowadays, it seems like they want peace after years of war and misunderstanding. Looks like they wanna do their job for once.

As you open the door of the Coffee shop, a bell rings above the door, and you see Jinx talking with Huck, the short and shy middle-aged man who's your manager. I admire the fact that he built something for himself, even if it's a small coffee shop, it's humble and cozy, and it shows how he loves the place. Jinx turns around startled by the bell, but her eyes quickly shine as she sees you walking towards her with a box in your hands. She shouts your name, and it echoes around the shop.

“Jinx, didn't think I'd see you here so early,” - I chuckle as she steps towards me and takes the box from my hands with a bit of a struggle, placing it at the counter.

“Well, I wasn't exactly planning on coming either, but this little gremlin was starving. Well, at least that's the excuse she gave, but we all know she just wanted to see Mr.whiskers over there.” - she grins as she points behind the counter.

You lean over the counter, peeking at an adorable scene of Isha next to the cat bed, petting our cat, the infamous shop mascot, a fluffy orange cat, purring and stretching as Isha continues to play with our store mascot. You can't help but smile as cuteness aggression attacks your brain.

“Aaaww…!” - You smile at the scene, Isha glances at you as she giggles in a breathy laugh.

Your gaze catches your boss, as you step out of the counter, you mention - “is that all for that event?”

“Oh, uhm, Grey air fare?” - Huck stutters, giving you a nervous but welcoming smile.

“Wacky ass name…” - Jinx mumbles, as she rests her elbow against the counter, as she plays with a lollipop with her fingers.

“Where'd you get that- Well, it has to do with all, and everything Zaun went through before getting to where we are,” - he adjusts his glasses as he blabbers about it. - “a-and we can't afford that many lollipops you're taking f-for free, Miss Powder.” - he adds.

“It’s Jinx.” - her tone turns serious and slightly annoyed sounding, but she quickly turns her mood upside down as she replies. - “And are you seriously charging me for cents worth of Lollipops? Silco won't like hearing about this…” - she smirks, muttering the last part just loud enough for him to hear it, in a playful tone. Huck gets taken back by the passive aggressive remark, as he panics and attempts to apologize, you hear the store bell ring.

You turn around, seeing Vi, Mylo and Claggor, all enter the store hands full of heavy boxes. You walk towards them, offering help as you reach your hands to take some of the boxes from Mylo, he chuckles and you nod in compliance. You feel a gaze against the back of your neck, as you carry the boxes to the counter you catch Vi glance over her shoulder to see your interaction with Mylo, quickly looking away as your eyes lock. You lift a brow in curiosity, and as you set the boxes on the counter, you see Claggor helping Huck set them in the back, and you overhear them talking about a new menu and decorations, energy filling your system as you start to feel excited to help around the store.

As Vi hands her boxes to Claggor, you silently walk to her side, tapping her shoulder with a smile. - “Vi! Sorry to make you and your gang carry boxes, especially when it's starting to get hot outside.” - you nod your head to the front door, splashes of sunlight peeking by the windows.

“O-oh, no problem, really. And after all it kinda helps me, maybe I won't get a chance to workout with all the mess that's gonna be in the next couple of days.” - her tone is friendly and calm, as she lightly stutters and gets stuck between some of the sentences.

“Yeah, it lasts a week, well, this means more coins for me,” - I chuckle as I rub my hands together peeking at the cash register. My gaze slides around her arms in her black tank top. - “And yeah, I can see your muscles getting bigger.” - you lift your hand to gently brush your index finger by her bicep and shoulders. Your eyes go up, only to see her eyebrows lifted and eyes shining in a seemingly shy and surprised expression. You let your arm down and stare into her eyes as you rest your arm on the counter as you smile. - “getting Strong huh?”.

“Could say that..” - She mutters, and her eyes stay a second too long on the area of her arm that I touched with my index finger, before she stares back at me. Maybe I'm reading a little too much at this, but it was like she analyzed me for a split second, or maybe admiring? I don't quite know, but something else was on her mind, her eyes sparkled and I could see her pupils dilate around her light blue eyes, her split lips and slightly raised eyebrows. I kept my eyes locked with hers, waiting that something may be added to the conversation, but all I heard was Jinx, Isha and Mylo discussing and mocking each other in the background. Well, Isha and Jinx against Mylo is more accurate.

I broke the staring contest to look over at Claggor and Huck coming back from the back of the store, apparently done with moving the boxes. I gave Vi one final glance, nodding with my head in a chuckle, before heading to the back of the store, and i'm almost sure i heard a muffled ‘fuck’, in an almost frustrated tone, i just don't know from who.

As you get into the dressing room, you meet with your friend Myluri, which greets you with a nod and a small smile. You greet her back in a friendly tone. “Myluri, Myluri… how are you feeling knowing that we're gonna have to work twice as much this week,” - you playfully ask her, as you nudge her shoulder.

“Well, Huck said he's gonna lend us some hours to enjoy the fare too.” - she brushes a strand of her white curls behind her ear. - “I really wanna go to the Ferris wheel.” - she mutters in addition.

“I kinda wanna go to the rollercoaster, i just don't know who to go with.” I glance over, a chuckle escaping my lips.

I open my locker, and as I grab my work uniform, I can't seem to find or see my lipgloss, I raise a brow in confusion.

“Myluri?” - I call out quietly for her.

“Yes?” - she replies as she buttons her shirt.

“Did you take my lipgloss?” - I brought my face to her, by peeking out of my locker door. As she locks her eyes with mine she quietly shakes her head ‘no’. - “I would've told you if I did. Do you want mine?” - her hand ramages inside her locker and she hands me a lip gloss, the case a light tone of pink. I thank her, as I grab and open the lipgloss, I slide the product across my lips, close the cap and hand it back to her.

“You don't think Huck would snuck into my things, right?” - you mumble, frustration and distrust in your voice.

“He's too shy to even send us back to work, even though he's our boss. I can't imagine him trying to rob you,” - she quietly folds her clothes, and closes the door of her locker, and she adds in a sarcastic tone. “And even if. A lipgloss?” - she chuckles, making you fall into laughter along with her.

As she walks out, she stops by the door and gives you a final look and speaks a last time. - “maybe you just forgot it at home, don't stress too much, okay?” - you look back, and give her a nod in agreement.

But it is strange. your things kept disappearing ever since you entered this job, and if you go even before that, you do remember things like, a pack of gums, hair ties, makeup products… and even private clothing disappearing from your house, you only lost one pair of underwear, and you thought it may be under a cabinet decomposing in a funny way, but it's been frequent enough to make you suspect of something, even tho you couldn't prove it. Your doors and windows never seemed different or like someone broke in, everything was in the exact place, except for those small objects in which you could easily buy again cheaply in another store. It still bugged you nonetheless.

I shake my shoulders in an attempt to shake my overthinking thoughts with them. I put on my working uniform, and checked myself in the small mirror on the locker door, adjusting my hair. I close my locker, but I make sure to lock it. My shift for the morning is calm as always, regular customers, families, and even Piltover civilians coming in to get a coffee, probably because it's way cheaper than up there, but i still can't get used to seeing them visit Zaun like this, it's a bit rare, but they do visit sometimes.

Myluri told me the morning shifts would be the same in store, but in the afternoon we'd have to set up a tent, representing our store at the fare, Huck would cover us at night so we can enjoy the fun fare. I'm glad to have him as a boss as he's so understanding and calm, he's shy, yes, but I also never seen him getting mad or showing anger at someone. Afternoon sets, and he prepares the resources, except of course, they are too heavy for me and Myluri to carry on one trip, and asking Vi and her friends for help again would feel inconvenient…

As I'm closing the shop, and our cash registers, the front door bell rings. As I'm counting bills I say a quiet ‘were closed’, before looking up and seeing one of my closest friends.

“Ekko!” - I exclaim as I put the bags of coins down, walking around the counter to greet him, he nods with his head as we lock eyes.

“Huck told me about the hussle it'd be for y'all to get everything to the fare,” - he crosses his arms in a relaxed stance, as he leans back against a table near us.

“Oh he did?” - I lift a brow, as I glance outside to see 4 more people on the front of our store, the fourth one staying more in the distance

“Well, since y'all treated us, and especially me so well with all those free treats, I thought about coming to the rescue,” - he chuckles as he points outside.

“O-oh, Ekko, that 's really…Sweet, wow, thank you. I was getting worried about me and Myluri having to carry all of that on our own.” - I chuckle in nervousness, not knowing how to thank nice gestures like that, giving him a shy smile.

“Hey, don't worry, I know how much you and her work hard to help this store. It's an honor, trust me.” - he says as he stands up walking towards me giving a tap in the back, as i reach for his shoulder, giving him a tap back in return.

I yell Myluri’s name as Ekko brings his friends inside, and I glance back to the door bell as his friends enter the store. I noticed that the fourth person who was watching from across the street was gone, but I didn't give it too much thought. I couldn't even recognize them by the hood of their blouse, but I could see their muscles by their pulled up sleeves because of the sunset light shining upon them.

Hours pass by, Ekko and his group helps me and Myluri set up snd carry all the heavy equipment to the fare, Ferris wheels, Rollercoaster and a ton of other rides, were all over the place, some smaller for kids and others much bigger for adults, adrenaline rushed through you just thinking about going on one of those rides. Only problem was, you had no one to go with, Myluri would go with her boyfriend, and a bunch of your other friends would go together probably, like Jinx and Ekko, although you did questioned Jinx going with him because of Isha, but she probably wouldn't be allowed on adult rides. Jinx probably asked Silco or Vander to keep an eye on her at the fare.

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6pm, the sun was close to finally setting, and you could see everyone start to arrive at the event, both Zaunites and Piltovers… still surprised you, but seeing kids from different places running around and playing together warmed your heart, enough to forget how different you think you are from them. You stood side by side with Myluri, selling chocolate cakes and sweet drinks, a nice decoration of sparkling lights going around your stand.

“Now that I see it up close… this is quite nice.” - I speak out to Myluri, a smile spreading on my face.

“I remember when everything was, hm,” - she pauses, glancing at her feet, a vulnerable light shining in her eyes. - “ different. But now, I couldn't be happier about how everything changed.”

I chuckle, as I slice another piece of cake to a kid in the line, and as I hand him the sliced piece, I catch a glance of Vander holding Isha’s hand, walking towards our stand, Silco following behind with Huck aside. I greet Vander with my eyes as he arrives at the stand.

“Oh, Huck, why are you abusing your workers like this? C'mon guys it's a fare,” - his voice was husky and playful, a grin across his lips as he faced Huck. - “is the money that much?” - he adds, in a joking tone as turns to glance at me and Myluri.

“Well, it's not like I'm rich…” - I state in a grin as I glance at Huck, nervously laughing.

“It seems I'm gonna have to steal both of your employees.” - Silco butts in, a light smirk in his face as he taps Hucks shoulder.

“I promise, sir, I'm doing my best on, uhm, paying them the best I can.” - he fidgets with his fingers as he stutters on his words. Silco gives him a tap in the back which startled him.

“Cover for rhem, won't ya? They're still young compared to us, let them have some fun.” - his voice is calm and husky as he jokes, nodding his head to us.

Huck takes our place in the boot, Silco and Vander are still joking around as they eat the treats in our stand, and I suddenly feel a tap on my wrist. I look down and see a cute Isha grasping my hand in hers.

“Oh, hi Isha,” - I say in a smile, as I see the adorable girl who is more than half my size.

She suddenly starts pulling me, signaling for me to be quiet by putting her finger between her lips, and nodding to the rollercoaster. Which widens my eyes as I shake my head. I think it's too dangerous to sneak her in there, and Jinx would kill me if I did that.

Isha brows furrow and her lips pout in an attempt to look mad, but she just looks cutely funny. She grasps on my arm and in a surprisingly quick motion she climbs on my back, I gasp as she wraps her arms around my shoulder. And I sigh in defeat as I accept to give her a piggyback, before going on my way, I give Vander a tap on the shoulder, and when he looks at Isha, he gives me a thumbs up, and jokes about finally having a break from babysitting.

She points and points to different places and rides, most of which she can't go because of her height, but I stop to buy her some food and candy on the way, and I let her go on 1 or 2 kids rides while we're at it. After what felt like 30 minutes, I saw Vi and her group in the distance, Jinx and Ekko a few steps behind, and even though she was far away she was the first one to spot me and Isha, although when I glanced back Vi was already looking at me.

Jinx runs up to me and Ekko follows calmly behind, Vi and her group going in my direction also. Isha crawls out of my back and jumps at Jinx, giving her a big hug.

“Isha!” - Jinx yells in her hoarse voice, as she hugs Isha back in her arms. - “I thought you were with Vander?!” - she chuckles.

“I stole her if you don't mind… Well, she stole me more is more accurate.” - I joke, glancing at all of the group standing a few steps behind Jinx, Ekko coming to her side, wrapping a hand on her waist.

“Vander probably was relieved to have a break from this little dwarf.” - Ekko jokes playfully as he chuckles to Isha, as she rolls her eyes and does some sign language, which I can't quite understand.

“And what happened to your voice?” - i Ask tapping Jinx’s shoulder.

“I screamed too much on rides.” - she smirks, as if she's proud of it. I giggle back to her.

I cross my arms, and my gaze flows around, once more, to find Vi staring at me as Claggor and Mylo seem to be arguing, although it's common to see them like this. As our eyes meet, I give her a smile as I approach her, which she widens her eyes slightly and her eyebrows twitch.

“Vi, what 's up? Have you already checked around?” - I ask her, tilting my head as I gesture around us.

“Oh, kind of? I didn't wanna go on too many rides as the others, since we're kind of an uneven number…But I don't mind since that gives me the opportunity to get some treats.” - she chuckles awkwardly, which makes me sigh a laugh along with her, as she seems surprised as i do so, before letting out a smile herself.

“Same, ever since I left my stand all I did was bring Isha for rides and food.” - I cross my arms, before sighing in a more annoyed tone. - “Ugh… even though I wanted to go on the rollercoaster, I didn't want to go with a stranger.” - I add.

She glances around for an instance, tilting her head and hesitating, before stepping closer and muttering something. - “You want to get the hell out of here?” - her voice is low and husky, as I can feel her soft breathing as she speaks.

I chuckle, as I narrow my eyes at her, a smirk on my lips. - “So we can go on rides together?” - I turned my head slightly, our faces brought close together.

She lets a breathy laugh out. - “hell yeah,” - as she grabs my wrist, dragging me silently away from the group, and for a second, even if it feels delusional, i think i saw her glancing at my lips.

She drags me into a crowd, her grip strong, safe, as she makes sure not to lose me in it, she successfully cuts in line without suspicion to the rollercoaster, making her way across the wide line of people, she gets the closest we can get to being our turn. As we both try to make our way to the stairs for the toy, a guy with a security shirt stops both of us, making my breath hitch.

“There's only one spot left.” - he says, making me feel relieved, as the thought of him seeing us cut in line goes away.

I glance back, facing the people behind us. - “uhm, one of y'all can go if you want.” - a teenager looking boy, passes through us as the guard closes the gate.

I glance back at Vi, grinning at her, as she looks down to reach my gaze, her eyes soft and sparkling as the bright neon lights shine down on us from the roller coaster decorations.

“Not lucky, huh?” - I playfully joke, as I nudge her shoulder, realizing her grip on my wrist is still there, and her fingers lightly caress the skin of my hands.

“We just gotta wait till the next turn, don't worry cu-...” - she pauses, trying to hide her cut off sentence with a very fake cough, as she faces away from me.

“Hm? What were you saying?” - I lift a brow, a smirk on my lips.

“Nothing, let's just wait,” - her grip gets a little tighter, as i cut her off.

“No, no, you don't trick me, what were you gonna say?”

“Nothing!” - she chuckles, our eyes locking as she turns to me, a light blush reaches her ears.

“No, c'mon!” - i swing the hand shes holding around, as i laugh in curiosity. She shakes her head, chuckling along with me.

She tilts her head whispering close to my ear. - “i was gonna say ‘cupcake’, happy now?”

My brows lift in surprise, as I stare at her. I don't say anything, truly not expecting that, I stand surprised. After a second of silence I quietly replied with a small smile.

“...That's cute.”

“You're cute.”

“And you're-”

I get cut off by the security guy, signaling that it's our turn, we walk up the stairs and sit by each others side on the rollercoaster, sitting 2 rolls before the vert front seat. I sigh in nervousness, but still smiling nonetheless, feeling a hint of adrenaline by the thought of going down the rollercoaster, and also because Vi hasn't yet let go of my hand, am i reading too much into her actions?

“So?” - Vi suddenly pulls me away from my thoughts.

“Uhm? What's up?”

“What were you gonna say?” - she asks in a smirk, almost mocking the way i insisted on her to finish her sentence a few minutes ago, i roll my eyes in a smile.

“Like you said, ‘Nothing’.” - i quote, making her narrow her eyes in a grin, as she arched one of her brows.

The rollercoaster suddenly starts moving, and i grip Vi’s hand tighter in surprise. I glance at her in a full teeth smile, nervousness starting to set and my stomach does flips, my mind panicking with a hint of adrenaline. I laugh as i look at Vi, she looks at me and gives a excited laugh, her eyes shine bright at my direction,

“Do you wanna throw your arms up at the drop?!” - she shouts, asking me through the noises of the music and people around us.

“Fuck yeah!”

The toy bumps on it's tracks ads it starts to go up, people around us screaming in excitement. I look up, the huge hill of the rollercoaster taking painfully long to reach the top. And when it does, me and Vi glance over at each other at same time.

“1,2…” - She counts, as the toy reach the end of the hill, and pauses as it's about to go down.

“3!”

We count together raising our hands as the rollercoaster starts to drop in triple the speed, your heart starts beating faster, and as much as your brain tries telling you that you're in danger, you also feel like you're having the time of your life. You and Vi screaming and laughing as adrenaline rushes both of you, your stomach turning cold and your breathing shaky. The ride goes on for about 2 minutes, before you're met in the same spot you and Vi were at rhe beginning.

You get out and walk away in silent chuckles and giggles catching your breath.

“Holy that was good,” - you wheeze, holding a hand to your chest.

“I ate 4 pizzas before this, i think ima bout to trhow up…” - she sarcastically replies, breathing heavily, leaning against me, wrapping her arm around my neck.

“Eww, don't trhow up on me you bastard!”

“Oh i think I'm…” - she pauses as she groans, mimicking a ‘trhowing up’ sound, which makes her break into laughter when i actually gasped and tried to get her hands off.

Seeing her smile like that, kinda makes my heart flutter…

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After we broke into laughter together. We agreed on going to the Ferris wheel, but for some odd reason, Vi started to get awkward out of nowhere. I don't know if it's something I said, but she felt more distant, seeming lost in thought. And even when I tried to joke with her about something, she would glance at me in a strange way and chuckle, almost looking a little sad or something else, or maybe she was tired in some sort of way. I have no idea what she was actually feeling.

We got in the line, which was significantly smaller than the rollercoaster one, which made me catch my breath at the much more calm environment. We silently got in the toy, and we awkwardly sat across each other.

“Cupcake?” - her voice husky and quiet, she called in a soft tone. My eyebrows raised in surprise, all the time that she was silent like that, I started worrying why she suddenly shut down. I try to give her a comforting smile.

“Oh you're sticking with that nickname now, hm?”

She chuckles, her smile warm, but still odd. - “yeah, it suits you, but…” - she pauses, seeming hesitant.

“Yes, Vi?” - I lean forward, my hands resting on my knees.

“... Are you interested in someone?” - she faces away from me looking out of the Ferris wheel windows, her pink and spiky hair covering her face from my view.

I arch my eyebrow, confusion and curiosity mixing together.

“Oh, well,” - I cross my legs, my hands now standing on my thighs - “Honestly, not really.”

She narrows her eyes at me, her face slightly moving in my direction.

“I highly doubt that.”

“What?”

She pauses and sighs, her elbow against the window.

“Sorry, i didn't mean to say that,” she grins, but it twitches into a soft frown, her eyes and expression showing so much vulnerability for some seconds. She really can't hide her emotions with her soft eyes.

My furrowed eyebrows relaxed slowly, but a pout was still on my face.

“You're… friendly, with everyone. Which makes me think you must probably like someone.”

“W-well, i don't… I'm not looking for anything right now.”

“...what?” - Vi glances at me, disbelief shown in her eyes.

“What?”

“So what was all that back there?” W-wait, what?” - her eyebrows furrow, she rubs her fingers between her temples, before speaking again. - “you mean you don't… don't want anything? With no one?”

“Well, I thought, I just… I thought we were having fun?” - my eyebrows curl in confusion, guilt showing on my face.

“Holding hands? Flirting?!” - she gasps in sarcasm, anger visible on her face.

“Look, I'm sorry, I didn't wanna be weird! I thought you'd only see me as a friend, o-or, i don't know!” - panic washes me, in an attempt to explain.

“You didn't wanna be ‘weird’?” - she exhales. An awkward silence rushed through the air for a few seconds, before Vi spoke up again.

“Do you even like women?” - her voice husky, tired, and feeling of disappointment reaching out of her lips.

“...i, i don't know.” - Another frustrated sigh escapes her lips. - “Vi, please can we-”

“Don't bother. I got the message.”

My eyes widened in shock, pain was heard in her voice, which also made my throat sink, I gasped as my eyes threatened to tear up, I fought the feeling of guilt and worry. I thought it was only something she does to any friend, maybe i should've realized, now looking back at it, the signs were obvious, but I didn't wanna screw up… And do I like women?

All my life i never got into a relationship, only a few interests passing by, but in the only instance i tasted someone's else's lips, was indeed a girl, at my teenage years, she wanted to make her little ex jealous, so she made a deal to convince me to kiss her in front of her, and it worked out for her, but that's it. I never thought much about that kiss, i didn't feel love, passion, or any other tingling feeling, but again, i feel the same about men, i never even ‘maked out’ with anyone before, my love life was really private and none existent, and i was happy. Before Vi.

I faced the floor in embarrassment, and silence filled the air the rest of the ride. When the door opened, Vi rushed outside, hands in pockets, and I tried following her behind, her step being quick, in an attempt to get her attention, I shouted.

“Vi, wait! Can we talk please?!” - my voice shakes, which makes me much more awkward, when she actually stops, glancing back at me.

“Cupcake, I tried this way, okay?” - her voice is blank, but a hint of pain and sorrow shows in it.

“Vi, i-i, i just don't know-” - my voice cracks, a tear forming in my eyes.

“Just, just go home. Okay? And don't look back, nor come after me.” - she faces away, continuing on her way, leaving me in front of colored flashing lights and music.

And even though there's crowds of people, I still feel the loneliest I've been in forever. Staying in such a lively place now feels like such a burden, an uncomfortable feeling, and a dumbbell in my chest. I indeed just wanna go home.

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The walk home was insufferable. Looking back at the flashing lights of the roller coaster and other toys so far away, and the music by the distance, it was depressing, truly, because you never meant to hurt Vi, and thought that both of you were having a good time. But you also don't know, you don't know anything about yourself in that sense, now that you think of it, how would it feel?

How do I like the idea of dating Vi? Talk to her in an intimate way, show affection? Hold hands? Hug? Kiss? Feel her skin, her lips… brush your hand through her hair, feel her hot breath against your skin as she talks so closely to you. Lay on her side on the same bed, cuddle, and even going further, to the point of-

Your naughty thoughts get cut off by a loud noise behind you, startling you. You look back, only to find a cat in the trash cans, apparently looking for food, your eyes water slightly by the sight, your current mood just makes you vulnerable enough to want to sob just by this view.

You take a small piece of candy fruit, vanilla flavor with strawberries on top, stuffed in a Tupperware, you open and take the pieces of strawberries, trying to clean the bits of melted ice cream before giving it to the cat. The little kitten points its ears up, as he gets closer at the sight of food hanging in your hand, he sniffs the food in your hands, before gladly accepting the treat. I hope ice cream isn't venomous, or I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life for this.

I get up and continue my way, but there's a tingling feeling in thr back of my mind… no, more like a gut feeling, like there's someone watching me, or maybe following, but I've looked back multiple times and all i see is deserted road, with few people walking the opposite way from me, probably going to the fare, the one i left my ‘friend’ hurt and disappointed, and you're left with no one to go back to.

I search my purse for my keys. A slight worry filled me when I couldn't locate them in a second, but I found them just afterwards. The door is unlocked, i open the door and step inside, and just as i close it behind me, i feel a grip on my mouth, another one at my torso locking my arms all together, panic rushes through me, as i my screams became muffled and my strength isn't enough to fight back, is it a man? Why is he so goddamn strong?

I step on his shoes, and he doesn't budge, his grips gets tighter as he shoves me against the wall, a grunt in a husky voice comes out, but it doesn't sound like a man. But It doesn't fucking matter when i feel my arms getting tucked against my back at his strong grip, the side of my cheek mets the wall, which makes me able to get a side glance at the man which… man. Oh fuck, it's not a man, you've seen this face before, in fact, fucking hours ago.

“Stay quiet for me, okay cupcake?”

Tears start to fill your eyes.

Your mumbles are Inaudible by the strong grip in your jaw, your breathing becomes quicker as anxiety clouds your mind. Her knee pushes inches further up, making you stand on your tiptoes for balance, you tighten your thighs around her leg tightly, searching for some assistance in standing.

“Well, I said I tried it that way, didn't i?” - her husky voice reaches your ears, her hot breath tickles your neck, her face just centimeters away.

You hum, and groan against her hand, but nothing makes it fold, only the tears in your eyes communicating your emotions. She arches a brow at the sight, and sighs in annoyance.

“If you scream, you won't like what I'll do after.” - she threatens, slowly taking away her grasp on your mouth, only your quick and shaky exhales making a way out of your lips.

She brings her thumb up, brushing tears out of your face, even with her calloused fingertips, the act seems genuine.

“V-Vi… why are you-”

“Can you save it for later? I'm not in the mood to answer your questions right now.” - she barked, wrapping an arm around your waist, lifting you up around her shoulder in a smooth motion, making you gasp in surprise.

“Vi, please! Let's talk,” - I mumble, my voice trembling as she makes her way into my house, moving in a way like she was familiar with the layout and rooms.

She dropped me into the soft material of my bed, even with the aggressiveness, she put her hand behind my head as she laid me down. Her fingers brush my shirt collar, before pausing, resting each hand at the sides of my face, looking down on me. Her breathing was heavy, like she was craving with anticipation. But she closes her eyes, frustration showing in her face.

“What were you gonna say?” - her voice is low and breathy, as she stares at my eyes waiting for an answer.

“... I thought about us.”

She rolls her eyes, with a sarcastic chuckle. - “Oh, did you now?”

My eyebrows furrow, my tone becoming serious and steady, i grasp her wrist.

“Yes. Vi, i did.”

Her grin is gone, only annoyance in her expression, huffing in indignation.

“Don't look at me like that. Please. Let 's talk.”

“I'm listening.”

A tense silence fills the air, as I try to form my words in my mind.

“Look, just listen, okay? Don't cut me off.” - she narrowed her eyes, giving one a small nod in agreement. I exhale in a shaky breath.

“I don't know how I exactly feel. I've never been with anyone. Not men, not women. And truly, I don't remember the last time I tried to figure it out.”

I hesitate, my gaze facing away from her's, embarrassment and nervousness getting in my system.

“When I was with you, I didn't know if I was thinking of it wrong, because I thought it was just a ‘friend’ thing, and I didn't wanna mess up. But I've been thinking and…”

I reach Vi’s gaze, her eyes are soft now, vulnerable, once again, hope showing in her face, or maybe excitement? Fuck, im confused too myself, her eyes always trap me, and her lips, the little scar on her top one, and another one on her eyebrow. Fuck, i could stare, and admire her features forever.

“I wanna try, and, besides that. i really, kinda fucking want you…?”

Hesitation is in my voice, fear and anxiety shows in my actions. I even avoid looking at her as I say this, cringing at my own words, but her reaction surprised me too, well, some of it.

“I hope you noticed by, now, or else you're really fucking slow.” - she chuckles, rubbing her temples with her index and thumb, before continuing.

“It has been… years. But when I truly started feeling these things for you, was 536 days ago. Fuck, you made me so… fucking obsessed.” - her voice is hoarse, low, and tentative, provocative, full of desire.

“And when i saw with someone else, didn't matter who, i just wanted to shoot their fucking brains out… when i saw you with Ekko, even though i know it wasn't like that, i was fucking fuming, wishing that was me.”

“I have been stealing your things, yes. Just to have some sort of your trace. Your smell. Your digits. Just a single part of you. Hoping that after i gain you over, i could return these one day as a proof for love, even if it's sick in the mind. I just fucking need you. Please, I need to taste you so bad.” - her hands rub the point of my ear, her knee makes a way into between my legs softly.

“And yes, dickhead, I know you're a virgin.” - she brings her face close, which almost makes me gasp, thinking she was going for a kiss, but she simply brings her lips close to my neck, and whispers. - “I'll be gentle, let me take care of you, baby.”

Her possessive touch was sickening, in a good way, It left you only seeking more, more of her fingers and touch. Her hand slides onto your waist, and the other to your neck, as she left wet kisses, going from your jaw and going to your neck and collarbone, before lifting her face, and glance up to your eyes, thumb brushed softly against the skin of your neck, and her eyes waited for consent. You quietly nod, as you stare at her beautiful, powder blue eyes.

She unbuttons your shirt, your black bra being revealed, as you help her by pulling your sleeves yourself, and she throws the shirt into the ground, she pushes you back into the bed, checking you out with eyes that screams desire, her gaze traveling down to your lips and chest. Her face goes down once again, kissing and teasing your body with her tongue, you gasp, suddenly feeling a sharp pain in your neck, looking down, seeing Vi back down at the skin she just left a hickey on.

Your hand reaches her hair, your fingers brushing through it, she smirks as she continues. Her kisses going down, and down, her hands on your hips, she slides your pants off, leaving you exposed in your panties and bra, she gasps as she takes in the sight. She kisses the edge of your panties, the new feeling makes you squirm, not used to the kind of touch.

“V-Vi, what about you…?”

“shhh, just relax, it's your day, so sit and enjoy… and tell me if you want to stop.”

She pushes at the edges of your panties with her thumb, exposing your pussy to her, she seems amused with the view, as she kisses above your clit, making a wet trail, before finally dive in, kissing and sucking on your clit, making your muscles tense up, and tremble in overstimulation. She holds you down by your hips, as she continues to twirl her tongue in circles on your clit, making you whimper and gasp for air. She edges you enough to desperately wish she'd just head in, and start working more below. “P-please, Vi…” you begged, the words coming from your mouth making her touch and words the more all possessive.

Suddenly, her hands grasps your inner thighs, forcing you open, as she reaches to suck in between your folds, her nose just in the perfect spot to overstimulate your clit as she eats you out, her tongue doing various forms of motions, as she takes note of which and what ones makes you fold the best, grabbing it all and combining altogether, making you roll your eyes as you moan her name. Your hands caresses her hair, her hot breath against your pussy making you fucking crazy, as you feel the vibration of her voice as she hums in pleasure as she tastes your juices.

Just as you were feeling close, the pleasure doing wonders to your brain, she stops, making you whine as you're left on edge. You catch a glimpse of her smirk, licking her lips as she swallows your juices, and she cleans the rest of the wet mess on her mouth with the back of her hand. She positions herself in between your legs, her hands at the back of your knees as she gently stretches you enough to fit herself, one of her hands trace your lower stomach, making its way to your clit, starting making circle motions.

“Sorry, but I just want to see how you look when you cum…” - she smirks, as she reaches for your cheek and leaves kisses against your face, you whimper and whine in desire and pleasure.

Without warning, her lips make their way into yours, your lips parting in shock, she invades your mouth with her tongue, and guiding yours as she makes you taste a little bit of yourself, she bites you lower lip in a provocative motion, turning the process all the more passionate. Her middle finger slowly makes her way into you completely, making you throw your head back as you roll your eyes, the pain being light but the pleasure being much bigger.

“You're so beautiful, do you know that, baby?” - her praises makes you fold, goosebumps reaching all of your body, her words of praise, possessive, jealousy and desire, makes you go fucking insane.

“I want to make you mine, just mine, cupcake…” - she mutters against your neck, her breathing heavy and her voice low.

She gently slides another finger in, curling the both in the perfect motion, just to make you cum. You whimper and moan, grasping Vi’s arm as you fully release, your whole body warm and shaking with heat and pleasure.

Vi copies your breathing, as she brushes a strand of hair off your face behind your ears, resting her hand on your cheek as she kisses your lips one more time.

“You don't know how much I've dreamed about this, love…”

You catch your breath, your eyes searching for comfort in Vi’s, and she gives you even more than that. Your arms wrap around her neck, pushing her down with me with a chuckle.

“How are you so good at this?” - you ask, provoking her, as you brush your thumb at the back of her ear.

“Unfortunately, with other people…” - she smiles, as she slides an arm under your waist, grabbing you into her lap, which makes you chuckle in surprise. - “so… does that mean I'm your first?” - she hesitated, a hint of happiness on her face.

“Well yeah… if you want to make a badge for it you can,” - i playfully joke, she also laughs softly along.

“Right now… I just need you, baby.”

#vi x reader #arcane headcanon #arcane fluff #vi x you #arcane vi x reader #vi fanfic #vi angst #vi fluff #vi arcane #vi smut

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itshermocrates · 11 months ago

Text

In addition!!

I didn't think about mentioning this in the analysis because it wasn't part of the Poison moment, but since it technically still belongs to episode 4 and another user mentioned something about this topic, I'm going to add it.

This bit will be more focused on Angel's su*cidal tendencies/thoughts, so be aware of that.

I think that even if Husk points out Angel's self-destructive behavior, and they talk about this, the last verse of Poison is truly what shows us how deep the wound actually is.

After the "I wish I had something to live for tomorrow" indicating how Angel doesn't have any reason to live, anything to fight for survive or keep enduring the hell he's been going through, I want to talk about that conversation Angel has with Husk.

Since the very first time I watched that scene, I've been thinking that Angel wasn't completely honest with Husk during their conversation, and I think that Angel censored himself at some point just to not worry Husk or to avoid being bothered about it. Before explaining that specific moment I do want to mention some previous interactions between Angel and Husk.

Firstly, when they fight at the hotel because Angel is pushing Husk's boundaries and he rejects Angel calling him fake, not only is that word what makes him snap, but also the fact that Husk is rejecting him exactly for what he is most valued outside of the hotel. The sex he can offer.

Husk is not just playing hard to get, he genuinely hates the way Angel behaves, oversexualizing himself in hopes to get the attention he wants. Angel notices that the only thing he is supposedly good at (sex) won't work with Husk, and it would only get him even further from his goal (receiving the bartender's affection/attention).

That's partly why he snaps and why he gets so upset. When he asks "Ya know how much I'm worth?" Angel is talking about numbers, he is perfectly aware of how much money he generates and he thinks that this value is the only one that matters. He thinks of himself as nothing but an overpriced sex toy, and now, not even offering himself for free to Husk can make him feel appreciated or valued.

He has learnt long ago that the only thing he is good for, the only thing that makes him valuable, the only thing that can make him feel valued, is sex. But when he finds someone who doesn't care about sex, he's left with nothing. If there's even a single person capable of rejecting him when he opens his legs for free, then there's nothing more for him to give.

His entire existence has been centered about the pleasure he can bring to others, so if he can't do that anymore, he was no reason to keep himself alive, no reason for others to care about him even in the slightest.

A little detail I like about this moment is how Angel throws a bottle to Husk, just in the same way Valentino threw his drink towards Vox when he told the other overlord about Angel moving out of his appartment. I mention this because it could show just how Angel might have addopted some of Valentino's habits/behaviors. Perhaps Valentino was prone to throw stuff around when he was angry at him and now, when Angel is furious he unconciously repeats/copies that learnt pattern.

Now, once they get out of the club where Angel was trying to forget about his day, the first thing I want to mention is how the same eyes that observed Angel in his dressing room, appear on the building behind them.

The eyes could indicate how both scenes are conected since both are crucial for Angel's character. They appear in the porn studio, his prison, in Poison, and they appear as Angel opens up a bit about how he truly feels about it all; and right before Loser, Baby which is meant to make him feel understood, valued and less lonely. Husk's gives him hope in the future with his song, fighting the ever present eyes of Valentino and the life he lives with him.

But before that, Angel has some talking to do, and even if Husk is asking him about his addiction and unhealthy coping mechanisms, we could interpret Angel's answers in a broader sense.

He's not (only) talking about spiked drinks and unsatiable sex drive, he's talking about his own need for validation, and the only way he has ever found it. He has never asked to be so easily manipulated by Valentino, nor to be perceived by everyone else since then as nothing more than a sex toy or a whore. He's trying to tell Husk that he has never wanted to end up like this, but this was a role all of hell seemed to want him in.

When he says that he can handle himself, I don't think he said it out of pride, or at least I don't think it was the main cause. I think he hates to be pitied because he's aware of how vulnerable he truly is. He knows he has no escape, and on top of it all, the last time he trusted someone, the last time he accepted someone's help, it probably was when he met Valentino. And we all know how that ended. Angel doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes again.

And then Husk hits the nail right on the head and points out Angel's self-destructive behavior, misreading it perhaps as some sort of facade he wears to make himself appear carefree or above the others. He pressures Angel to talk about it, but he does so saying all the wrong things and Angel simply can't take it anymore.

Right in the corner we can see again those eyes, just as we see Angel's black eye (the one signaling his status as an owned soul) and not only that, but he moves towards the left side of the frame, which usually represent regression or involution.

It's this pause and how the Voice Actor delivered the line that makes me believe that here Angel ended up saying something different from what he had wanted to say.

That everything is raw, the tears come again to Angel's eyes and even if it's true that he hates most things in his life, that word only serves to conceal what he knows that's hurting him the most. Angel says everything despite having a million other words on the tip of his tongue because he doesn't want to show Husk the ugliest part of him. Because his addiction, his shitty attitude, his lack of manners or respect towards other's boundaries are not the ugliest part of him.

The ugliest thing about Angel is how much he hates himself, how much he hates his life, how much he hates the things he is forced to do by contract or the fact that he can't escape said contract.

He doesn't want to live anymore, he has no reason to, and he is afraid that saying any other thing that a generic everything might expose this.

The same could be said about the next line.

The thing that hurts is knowing he doesn't have power over his own life and there's nothing he can do to escape the hell Valentino put him through now. A hell, he feels responsible for.

This bit can be read in different ways. By in the process he could be talking simply about the drugs he uses just to forget about everything, or he could be talking about what he thinks to be his only way out of this, dying of an overdose.

As an addict his brain and body would surely crave for a new high as soon as he starts to sober up. He can't bear to be sober because then reality hits him and the pain is overwhelming. In the same way, as a widely known user, it wouldn't surprise anyone if he was found dead after a night too intense even for the legendary Angel Dust. It would be fitting, considering his trajectory, and perhaps only death can free him from both his abuser and the life he doesn't want to live anymore.

Perhaps he surrounds himself with men dying to fuck him, hoping to come across the one that finally kills him, by accident or not.

The night life serves him to forget about all the disgusting things he has to do during the day, but maybe, it serves as a discreet way to meet his own end. Discreet not because it wouldn't attract attention, but because no one would ever know just how depressed and broken the porn star actually was.

However...

Angel knows that, even if he doesn't overdose, if the drugs and the parties destroy him enough, Valentino could lose interest in him, and maybe he would let him go. He is not even sure about that, but he is sure that, if Valentino were to let him go, he could have a different life.

And that's the only thing he wants, that's the only thing that could bring him hope and finally find a reason to live for tomorrow.

POISON- Ep. 4 Analysis

I have no idea if someone has already done something like this but these two unfortunate souls have been in my mind since I watched the show TWO WEEKS AGO. So I'm gonna share with you this personal analysis of what we saw during the Poison scene in Ep. 4 of Hazbin Hotel.

Again, I don’t know if anyone has already talked about this (I’m not very active on tumblr), but I think that what we see as Angel sings Poison is made not only to tell us how the relationship Angel has with Valentino is but ALSO how it came to be thanks to everything that's happening on screen while he's singing.

Of course the lyrics are also important so I’ll make some reference to those as well, but I’ll focus mainly on what we see. Since I can only add 30 pics in this post this will be a bit difficult but I will try my best.

SOME CONTENT WARNINGS! I'm not sure if this is even necessary but anyways,,, Pychological abuse, abuse, violence, domestic violence, drugs, addiction, sex work, dubius consent, sexual violence, abusive relationship, unhealthy power dynamics, angst, suicidal ideas (hinted), etc.

Now, without further ado, let's begin!

Before the song, Valentino and Angel have a fight in his dressing room. I want to start here because during that fight Angel gets a black eye and we get to see how the walls of his room are filled, not only by security cameras, but also by a lot of eyes that follow Angel wherever he goes inside the room. We will see more of these eyes soon enough.

After that fight Angel sends Charlie back home and we see a bit more of what we could expect from Valentino with his manipulation tactics. The sweet tone and the praise as he embraces Angel from behind, too close and too intimate considering he will be soon forcing him to go back to work.

These are the tricks every abuser uses to manipulate and control the people around them, and it’s what Valentino uses all the time with Angel.

This is the behavior of an abusive boyfriend, a dynamic they have in the present, but once Poison starts, we are presented with their backstory. Now we will get to see how that dynamic is even possible, how these two ended up together and how their relationship started and evolved.

Valentino sits next to the movie director and everyone starts moving to prepare the scene they are about to film. He is the one in control here, the one calling for action again and deciding who does what and when. And just like that we see how Angel's black eye is concealed by makeup, erasing the marks of what had just happened and metaphorically erasing the violence of the relationship he is in now.

Angel closes his eyes in displeasure, focusing on what Valentino wants from him. When he opens his eyes again, his expression is completely different, this Angel without bruises, is not only a version of him from minutes ago, before the fight with Val, or even prior to the abuse… This is the Angel before Valentino.

He walks backwards, as if he was going back in time, moving easily with the playful shamelessness that characterized him back then. When he sings “I’m not above a love to cash in” he was most likely referring to his past as a sex worker or at least, as someone who didn’t mind to sell his affections to get what he needed/wanted. During this time, he would most likely go clubbing every night, since it offered a good way to earn easy money while he had a great time, partying, drinking, consuming…

Angel probably was the type of person who used those who desired him to get whatever he wanted, a game he knew how to play. Even if it could get risky or inconvenient, he was a free soul, he was still in control of what he did or didn't do with all those people, so at the end of the day, he always won. That’s what he believes as he playfully lays back on the setting’s bed again.

That had always been true after all, or at least it was until he came across someone that beated him at his own game. Someone who would take that freedom and control over his own body away from him.

His expression changes again to one of terror when a shadow looms over his body from outside the frame. That’s the silhouette of the men he was previously filming with, but we can also imagine that this figure suddenly changing the way he moves, reacts and feels, was meant to represent Valentino.

After the other actors surround him, and the scene fades to black, we are shown what could have been Angel's previous workplace. A stripclub where he danced for money and probably engaged in sex work in a somewhat safe and controlled environment. Back then he had become popular enough to be "the star" of his own show, and a performer good enough to get a reputation that would eventually reach the ears of one of the most powerful overlords in that district.

Valentino discovered him maybe by chance, or maybe not. Maybe he had heard of Angel Dust and wanted to see for himself if this dancer was as good and pretty as all those people said. And after watching him perform Valentino was the furthest from disappointed, he had enjoyed the show so much that he decided to take a closer look at this Angel Dust’s skills.

He approaches him, maybe as a client, or maybe just as a guy interested in what he had to offer, and although Angel doesn't trust him at first, he ends up entering his game.

He was just another man who wanted to fuck him, one that had enough money to spoil him all he had ever wanted and more. It was quite the opportunity for someone as low in the food chain as him, and Angel had already played with rich men like Valentino before, he knew what he was doing.

So Angel took the bait, and had sex with Valentino. Probably a blowjob in that same club he danced at that served as a test for Valentino.

Now we have a scene with two Valentinos, one that is about to get head from Angel with a video camera on his hand, and another Val standing behind the cameras and lights of what we now know to be another movie set. The first Val we saw, extending his hand before Angel when he finished his performance, was the Val of his past, the one he sucked off the night they met. That was someone Angel thought to be somewhat honest, or, at the very least a man he heavily underestimated.

It's the playful man that winks seductively at him in the set from afar with those red hot eyes he fell for, the same that quickly turns into a different guy with similar clothes (red jacket and white fur) now recording him on set. Someone who quickly became a stranger to Angel, just as he is for us, since we can’t even see his face.

The second Val it's the real one, the one standing next to the movie director watching everything with calculating eyes and a dangerous smile. That's the man who told Angel all those red hot lies he believed to be true, and the one judging with this first meeting if the spider was a worthy investment or not.

Angel proves to be good enough. Valentino likes him, and after that night he starts to actively pursue Angel but he didn’t do that as a simple client. He can tell Angel isn't a common whore, he has talent, charisma and he's been playing this game for long enough to know all the tricks. One can only become so successful in this world knowing how to play their cards well.

It’s obvious then what he has to do to turn Angel into his next movie star. Valentino needs to make him fall in love with him and make him believe that Valentino can love him just as much. This is exactly what he is going to do.

On screen we see how Valentino's sex pollen (he's a moth guys, it has to be sex pollen) starts to fill the scene, and as it expands it engulfs Angel, making us know just how captivated, how absorbed he will end up being.

Note: I know there’s a theory that says that Valentino’s power comes from his saliva or something like that and I haven’t read it or anything, but I do believe the smoke/fog that surrounds him has the same effect as the “sex pollen” trope. Or at least it’s similar.

The red fog expands all over the frame, emphasizing Valentino’s overpowering skills and charisma. When it clears, we see Angel in a different place while he sings the second line of the lyrics “What’s the worst part of this hell, I can only blame myself”.

His expression is one of pure anguish and regret, and he’s saying this while standing in front of Valentino in his apartment. He's talking about how naive he was for believing all of Valentino's lies, to truly believe that what he felt for Angel was love. He blames himself for buying this love story and falling for him so hard it made him very easy to manipulate. He regrets not having seen it before it was too late.

Because when Valentino’s back appears at the left corner of the frame, with an extended hand and smoke-made chains, it’s Angel the one who finally cuts the distance and accepts the chains Val is offering him.

Angel was too blinded by Valentino’s courting, by his sweet words and lovely gestures, but also by the constant push and pull of their dynamic, the flirting, the teases, the seduction. He loved the attention and he loved the sense of control, of power, he could feel when he was with Valentino, an overlord no less, a demon so rich and powerful he could have anyone he could have ever wanted. But Val had chosen him, him of all people.

This brief initial moment represents the regret he feels when he remembers how it all started, when Angel thinks about the beginning of their relationship, a time when everything seemed fine and their sexual chemistry made him lose all sense of reason. Because with Val everything ended up leading him to his bed.

After this short display of regret, we are presented a sequence made to represent the fantasy Angel indulged himself in, an illusion tinted in pink colors and fun costumes. This is the story Valentino had carefully created for him to make him fall in love with him, a story that made the spider feel so good when he was by his side, he could easily excuse any warning sign in his sight.

Because Angel would obviously want to be with Valentino when all he knew about him was his lover persona, a facade that portrayed him as a passionate lover and playful partner, his (soon to be) poison.

They had fun and even when Valentino showed little fragments of his true intentions and personality, Angel was too blinded to notice that he was starting to lose the very game he had considered himself a master of. Valentino and the relationship Angel had with him was addictive, so it didn't matter what happened, Angel always came back. You can think of this as the result of Valentino’s sex pollen, his charisma or a combination of both, depending on what flavor of angst is your favorite.

What we can know for sure, is that they were both performers in their own ways, both players in the game of love, so Angel could have excused and normalized a lot of things he shouldn't have. Knowing their line of work, of course that they could get a bit too intense every now and then, of course things could get a bit out of hand between them, they were just sooo dramatic.

It was that rollercoaster of emotions, the raw intensity of it all what ended up hooking Angel so much. The playfulness that could get a bit dangerous really fast, even if the Valentino he thought he knew would never really hurt him. Right?

A few little details I like about this sequence are the way we get to see Valentino’s home in the background and how the colors of his clothes and body are darker than usual but still lighter in comparison to what we will see in the following scenes, indicating how this was still the “nice” version of Valentino.

In the same way, Angel is playing with the chains bounding his wrists together, not his neck (yet), telling us that he’s playing with fire, quite literally dancing with the idea of being owned by Val, but he is still a free soul. In this moment he was falling hard and quick for Valentino’s lies, but he wasn’t his captive yet.

He’s having fun while being manhandled by Valentino, both physically and emotionally, but he still thinks of it as a game, another part of their sex life and how they naturally work as a couple. It’s exciting, it’s new and Angel loves it.

Not knowing that the longer he stays the more power is giving Val over him. Valentino is starting to show his true colors, in these last frames we can see that his figure is getting darker as Angel is slowly discovering the manipulative side of Val, the controlling and abusive nature he had been hiding from the spider since the beginning.

The push and pull continues as we see their silhouettes dancing, even if in reality this is Valentino pulling from his side of the chain to keep Angel close, to keep him with him.

After the shadows sequence, we get back to the playfulness Angel had shown when he took the chains for himself and started to tease Valentino. Only that this time, Val’s colors are darker and his touch more possessive, more aggressive. He’s groping him and even choking him while Angel sings “I made my choice and every night I’m living like there’s no tomorrow” with a grin, showing us how this was still a game for him.

He made his choice staying with Val because he loved him and he thought he was loved in return, when the moth had been only toying with him from the moment they first saw each other. This is Angel’s greatest regret, the fact that he truly believed Val’s lies, that despite all the warning signs he kept choosing him over and over again.

Choosing to stay, to kneel before Val, to obey him with the promise of a new wave of pleasure, a new high. Just as Valentino wanted him to do as we can see the vicious smile he wears during this entire sequence.

I think the next couple of seconds tells us how, for a while, they were together and Angel was still able to keep his job at the club. He was still allowed to see his friends (his coworkers most likely) and spend time with them, while Valentino made sure to feed all his previous bad habits and addictions, giving him gifts (we know Fat Nuggets was a gift from Val), a lot of money he could spend on a whim and eventually, probably the substances to use as well.

The smile on his face, the smugness of it, makes me think he’s telling his friends about this rich guy that pampers him in every way and treats him like a prince. He has found the ultimate Sugar Daddy, a man that has changed his life forever in the best way possible. Now he can have whatever he wants, party for days without having to worry about not having enough money to eat at the end of the month or a place to stay.

Angel would have used drugs before, maybe occasionally, maybe only at parties, maybe to get the worst bits of his job done, maybe he was already a bit of an addict, but it’s now, when he has the means to consume every night that he definitely becomes one.

Valentino made sure of it.

During this time, Valentino would secure the control he had over Angel, weakening his mind and will by worsening his addiction problem while continuing convincing him of how much he loved him. The parties were incredible, the sex was amazing, and Angel felt on top of the world at every moment. He was “living like there’s no tomorrow” without realizing the higher he raised above the ground, the hardest would be his fall.

And maybe this is just me over analyzing a kinky moment, but after this, after Valentino bites Angel causing him a wince of pain and maybe even making him bleed, everything changes.

They are having sex, far from the flashing lights, they are together as Anthony and Val, as the real person who oftenly hides behind his stage persona. The person who is deeply in love with Valentino, who is vulnerable and allows his lover to hurt him however he wants because he trusts that the pleasure that follows will be worth it.

But after that bite, he’s no longer in bed with Val, he's in the same bed from the very beginning of this music video, surrounded by lights, disoriented and confused… As if he was expecting Valentino to be between his legs and not this stranger.

When he finally comes to his senses and sits, we hear for the first time the line “My story’s gonna end with me dead from your poison”. This was the beginning of the end of their honeymoon phase and the point of no return. Valentino had considered Angel weakened enough to take a step further, and a new part of him is finally uncovered when he carefully introduces Angel to the porn industry. He would do so (probably) while Angel was too intoxicated and definitely too blindly in love to know what he was doing.

Valentino becomes this overwhelming shadow that covers Angel’s body, a silhouette he can’t escape from, and when we are shown what Angel sees, we can no longer see the color of Valentino’s clothes. His colorful persona, his facade of playful lover it’s no longer in place, he has stopped pretending and acting as the good boyfriend the spider had always wanted. Now before Angel there’s only the demon that owns thousands of souls, a vicious drooling smile and sharp red eyes. An overlord to fear and be intimidated by.

The background is filled with filming equipment, and even if Valentino’s body language is meant to appear welcoming, Angel feels terrified. This is not the Valentino he knew, and now he is completely trapped. He can’t refuse now, this is a choice he is being forced to make even if his soul still technically belongs to him.

After being pressured, Angel becomes part of this industry, and although he doesn’t really like it, he still trusts Valentino enough to not run away. The overlord can be scary, but he still believes that he’s safe with him, that if Val is by his side nothing wrong could ever happen to him. And after all, he had done sex work before, right? What difference did it make to fuck strangers for money in front of a camera now?

He’s not comfortable, and every day that intimidating side of Valentino that wasn’t really there before grows darker, fiercer and scarier. Angel had seen the ugliness of Valentino before, as a man, as a possessive boyfriend, as a controlling partner, but never as the powerful demon he truly was. So he still obeys Val and features in a few movies of his choice.

We can see these doubts, Angel’s discomfort and even a bit of his trust in Valentino at the beginning of the next sequence, when they appear on the set of a different movie.

Angel was a performer, he had faked his own pleasure before, he could do it again now, and he could do it while earning way more money. He could do so, because he knew Valentino was there, guiding him, helping him, making sure his lover was safe. He always thought that Val was looking out for him, making sure he was getting the right roles in the right movies, the right contracts, and when he was nervous, Valentino was right by his side to comfort him.

But Valentino had never cared about Angel’s safety. And once Angel started to voice his doubts or show his discomfort, he made sure he couldn’t do it for much longer. The comfort Angel sought for was quickly replaced by something chemical, something that eased his nerves but also left him dazed and disoriented.

It was then that Valentino drugged him, tricked him and made him sign the contract that would leave him with only half a soul inside his chest.

Valentino had fed Angel’s addiction for a long time, adding to the mix not only the illusion of a love story, but also his own drug, his sex pollen, something that numbed the spider’s mind enough to go through all the things Valentino wanted him to do in front of the camera. Oftenly Angel was left too intoxicated to respond, too vulnerable and weak. In his last moments of lucidity he always could see Valentino, his lover, the man he thought would always take care of him, turning his back to him and leave him.

Valentino is the last thing he sees before everything fades to black around him, before he disappears. He’s no longer Anthony or Angel Dust, the stage persona, now the lines between those two different identities blurry beyond repair, and the person he becomes is a little more Angel Dust and a lot less Anthony.

I don’t think that it was just a coincidence that they used a BDSM scene to represent the moment Angel definitely lost control of his actions, his body and most likely also his soul. BDSM is all about power dynamics and the control that’s exchanged between consenting partners, only that, in this case, Angel didn’t really have a choice and there was no consent. This lack of control and safety is emphasized precisely by the type of session Angel is forced into.

He’s restrained in every way possible, he’s tied up, a blindfold covers his eyes and a gag is forced onto his mouth, one that would prevent him from closing it no matter how much he tried. He has no way to end the scene, no way to say a safeword, to complain or to stop what other people do with him or to him.

This is meant to represent the moment he signed the contract, and how he felt every time he entered the set of a new movie after he signed it. He stopped being his own person, he had disappeared, and what had been left of him was nothing but a sex toy for Valentino to control in each of his productions.

Now we see the Angel Dust that survived this state of numbness and dissociation, the one that has consumed Anthony just so he could keep himself alive.

While Angel Dust dances, seemingly enjoying the show, performing as he has always done, in the background screens we see what’s left of Anthony, of the boy feeling trapped and used with no single way out of it. This is accompanied by more fragments of that BDSM scene that changed it all, since that was a traumatic event that repeats itself in Angel’s mind every time Valentino forces him into a new role, a new movie, a new lie.

These frames show us not only the stress Angel is feeling, but also how Valentino is always there to exploit his body in the way he deems more profitable. We know this because he appears in between Angel’s anguish, but also because the same eyes that covered his dressing room walls are in the background while someone fucks Angel from behind.

While this happens we hear again “I made my choice”, a reminder of Angel’s regrets, shame and guilt. In addition the line “Every night I’m living like there’s no tomorrow” now has slightly changed, indicating the shift in Angel’s life and condition as no longer a free soul. What we hear now is “Every night I’m wasted like there’s no tomorrow”.

Where once he was happy, he’s now desperate, begging to get a way out.

We see a bit more of the playful performer, Angel Dust, and the pain of Anthony in the background before Valentino approaches him again like a great imposing figure, putting an end to his show.

The second Angel notices Valentino, distress becomes clear all over his face. He points to the left, outside of what we can see, and when he tries to escape, Valentino grabs him and pulls him closer.

He has finally come face to face with the real Valentino in all his twisted glory and he wants to run away. He knows now that what they had wasn’t love, it had never been, and it’s painful. But he’s afraid of Valentino, he can’t do anything to escape his contract and he now belongs to him (at least while they’re on set).

That last frame with Valentino embracing him, a vicious smile on his face in contrast with Angel’s terrified expression puts an end to their story, to the narration of how they came to be what they are now. After that, we are presented to the aftermath, the Angel that’s no longer intoxicated by his poison and can only dread the many past choices he would like to change.

He is now fully aware that there’s no way out of his hell, that for as long as he is alive he will be Valentino’s toy. He’s destroyed in every way, his mind is a mess too dependent on the drugs Valentino has been feeding him to properly think, and his body has stopped to feel as his own a long time ago.

How could he consider that pile of bones, fur and chemically loosen up muscles as his own? He’s disgusted, drowning in this feeling of helplessness.

And he’s even more grossed out when he notices the remains of Valentino’s poison, his drug, still lingering on his tongue. He’s so lost, he doesn’t even recognize himself. This is not where he was supposed to be, he shouldn’t be in Valentino’s apartment, he doesn’t want to be there anymore.

The substance that once had brought him so much joy, such a delicious bliss, now slips past his lips burning his skin like acid. The itch reminds him of the reason why he’s there, and he can only feel pain. The only cause for most of his problems had always been his addiction. To Val, the sex they had, his poison, the drugs he bought for him…

No matter how hard he tries to get used to this life he has with Val now, he simply can’t do it. It doesn’t matter how many movies he appears in, they are never enough, they will never be enough for the overlord. Because he’s nothing but a tool to make Valentino and the other Vs even richer and more powerful.

That’s Valentino’s business and what initially made him get close to Vox. They complimented each other and together they felt capable of ruling Hell like that was their birthright. A power Angel would never get to know firsthand, because for Valentino he was nothing but another whore to use, exploit and eventually discard.

Angel is sick of it, is tired of living a life he hates, a lonely life full of pain and abuse, all caused by the person he loved the most.

He has spent years trapped in the V Tower, watched by the countless cameras placed in every wall and every corner of his prison. Even when he’s not on set, controlled by Valentino and his team, he feels Vox lenses following all of his movements, and despite the luxury he lives in, every day he goes to sleep wishing to never wake up.

That's all, folks. I hope you liked it, or at least got as sad as I felt while analyzing this. Again this is all what I could understand from that segment of the episode I don't know if y'all already knew this but I did wanted to share it. If you liked this check my bird app account bc there is where I spend most of my online time or my Ao3 profile, although I post mostly Skfs content now <3

#hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin valentino #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin analysis #hazbin anthony #valangel #valentino x angel dust #angel dust #hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel episode 4 #suicidal angel dust #no beta we die like ser pentious

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