#so it really is a win now i just have to pray it isn't ugly and has enough storage room

[anathemafiction]

Helloooo! I was wondering how do the ROs measure up self esteem wise? Like how do they see themselves? Do they think they’re attractive? Ugly? Why? What’s their favorite and least favorite quality about themselves? Please answer as much or as little as you want! Thank you <3333

Hadrian is close to oblivious to his own good looks. He doesn't suffer from any self-esteem issue, nor is he self-conscious about any part of himself — he just doesn't feel any sense of pride about it either. He's never really thought about it. He didn't have a reason to for most of his life. 

Now that he's a mercenary and experiencing more of the world... he's starting to become more aware of his appearance, but so far, Hadrian is still pretty clueless. He's a conventionally attractive man, but I don't think he'd called himself so. He wouldn't call himself ugly, either. To him, he's just... he's Hadrian. 

Alessa isn't so oblivious. She knows she can attract eyes, and that's something she has used to her advantage before. She doesn't like it very much, though. Alessa would rather not be noticed a all, and she does a pretty good job of it. As what she thinks of herself? Alessa likes her eyes and she likes her body — because it's healthy and able, and she can run fast, jump or duck, or do whatever she needs to stay alive. 

She... tolerates her hair. She's seen women with long, midnight locks of silky hair, and jealousy is for fools, but Alessa felt something akin to it. Sometimes, while she's brushing her hair, she wishes it could be longer and darker and softer too. She wishes her hands, scarred and wounded, could be as delicate as those noblewomen. She wishes...

But wishing is for fools, and Alessa wishes nothing at all. 

Alain thinks himself extremely handsome. It's not even a front, the man really believes it. And, to be fair to him, he is. He looks good, he feels good, Alain has no self-esteem issues — not when it comes to his looks. 

Ysabella is very much like Alain, although she wasn't always so. As a young girl, she wished she could have freckles — she wished it so hard for months on end. But then freckles weren't half as important as having a bottom nose, all delicate and full and so unlike hers. She prayed every night by her window, with her eyes shut tight, but alas, the Lord never granted her a different nose. It didn't matter though, because young Bella saw a beautiful, beautiful girl with braided golden hair, and oh! She suddenly wanted hair the color of gold too. 

With time, Ysabella stopped wishing for any other body than hers. Which wasn't very hard to do when you look like her. She likes what she sees in the mirror, although, I wouldn't say Ysbaella considers herself beautiful. Charming, yes. Lovely, even, but not beautiful. But there's no one part of herself that she'd change. 

The Pirate King doesn't think he's particularly good-looking, but that doesn't matter a bit because attractiveness, he's found, comes from how one carries himself. And there are few things women answer as strongly as confidence. He's scarred, his hair is wind battered, his skin rough from the sun, his teeth crooked in places — and even so, the Pirate walks with a swagger, hands firm on the handles of his axes, and he doesn't feel a little bit ashamed. 

Plus, he thinks he's got a great sense of style. He isn't ugly, and if there's one thing he likes about himself is his muscles. He knows he looks good naked. Other than that... if fate had granted him just a little bit of extra height, he wouldn't have opposed it. 

Neia is an interesting one. On one hand, she's very aware of the effect she has on women. She doesn't need to try very hard to win someone to warm her bed, it usually just entails a sharp look, a slow smile, and a nudge of the head. On the other hand, Neia barely looks in the mirror. She just doesn't care. She has a deep scar on her cheek, twisting her lip in a perpetual snarl, and she couldn't care less. She has broad shoulders, thick thighs, and harsh hands, so unlike what's expected of women — and again, she thinks nothing of it. 

Has she been called ugly? No, but who would call the head of the Inquisitor anything but "Your Excellency"? But if some suicidal fool did call her ugly, Neia would think nothing of it. She wouldn't call herself that, though. 

Lance will tell you he has no balms about his appearance. Look at him, he'd say, with his arms opened wide. Look at his vest, his hair, and the gold on his tooth. He wants to be seen, and why would one want to be seen if one didn't think one was worth seeing? His smile is wide and pleasant, his eyes amused, and you wouldn't think for a moment that the spy was lying. 

But lying he would be because Lance has parts of himself that he doesn't like. Or maybe like isn't the right word. There are parts of himself that Lance can't even look at. Is he ashamed of them? He is. Would he change them? In a heartbeat. 

Does he consider himself handsome? He does not. But, then again, what do looks matter when compared with talent? And if there's one thing Lance knows he has, is talent. 

Rafael thinks he's... Rafael doesn't like to think about himself much. To be honest, the bastard doesn't think he's very good-looking, no, but in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't matter much. His character flaws — his choices — are the things Rafael is truly ashamed of. So what if people don't like his hair or insult his goatee, or say his cloak needs replacement? He'll sneer at them, maybe throw an insult or two, and put them off his mind. 

He doesn't care. He doesn't care at all. But he flinches every time, and when he's talking to someone he finds attractive, Rafael will sometimes have trouble holding their gaze. And he avoids smiling too, because there's a gap in his teeth, and when he takes off his shirt, he's aware he's too scrawny. He's too goddamn—

Doesn't matter though. To hell with them all. Rafael doesn't care.

[jenomark]

➔Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader (Female) ➔Other Members/ Characters: -.- ➔Genre: Smut ➔Warnings: Oral (F+M) + Penetration (F) + Cursing ➔Word count: 3,659

➔Summary: Two realtors who play together, stay together. Whenever you and Jaehyun work together, you make a little bit of a mess in the homes you're trying to sell for your clients. After all, no one ever said you couldn't have a little fun on the job.

“Your boyfriend is so charming.”

You were showing a married couple around a brand new house, built in a neighborhood they most likely could not afford. While the husband was checking out how the door handles jiggled on every door in the place, his wife leaned in close to your ear, her voice deeper than the fake customer service voice she had in the beginning of the tour.

You could hear the accusatory tone, her words felt through every layer of your reserve, “How did you get a man like that?”

If she could have circled around you, like a huntress ready to take her prey out, she would have taken the chance. You held your ground, so used to the way women acted around Jaehyun. But there was a certain amount of fun to be had when you were bored and waiting, your day's work blemished by couples who believed they were hot shit.

“Just between me and you,” you purred, leaning in closer to her and stroking her arm with your finger. “He’s not my boyfriend. We just like to fuck each other at work."

You never blamed any of the women for looking at Jaehyun like he was a prized hog in a show. He was handsome on the outside, his face so valentine sweet, his smile disarming even the most hardened of ladies. He wore a tailored suit nicely, too, which made the effect that much cavity-inducing. On the inside, though, he was a filthy, filthy man, and he would never go for someone like the wife, as much as she wanted him to.

No, Jaehyun wasn’t your boyfriend. Jaehyun wasn’t even your partner. He came to the house dressed up in the part of a wholesome realtor, his eyes following the wife across the room, forcing eye contact that would make her feel warm underneath her collared blouse. He did it because it was fun for him. He did it because he could.

It was a game. Jaehyun eye-fucked the wife to tease you. He liked when you wore jealousy like a proud bib. He waited for you to take possession of him, which you always did in the subtlest of ways. Watching the wife back away from you after claiming that you and Jaehyun fucked- a tale met with disbelief- was a way to piss all over your territory.

That's mine.

Of course, you could have pushed Jaehyun harder. In doing so, the husband of the pair was a viable conquest. He looked at you with his dumb look when you ran your hand up your stockinged thigh, his jaw slack as you hiked up your skirt inappropriately and unprofessionally high.

However, it wasn’t very fun for you. You could tell the husband was too in love with his wife to ever flirt with you. You gave up quickly, your annoyance waving like a red flag whenever the wife breathed in your direction.

“Are you almost done, sweetie?” you called out to Jaehyun.

“Yes, sweetheart.” Jaehyun said, sticking his head out of a doorway.

You shot a look at the wife, her full attention on Jaehyun as he walked towards you both. She might as well have started taking off her clothes where she stood. She was fanning herself with her hand and wiping sweat from between her cleavage, the telling signs of someone who really wanted to know Jaehyun's cock felt like.

“Your husband is insisting on checking every nook and cranny of this place.” Jaehyun said, a brilliant smile stretched across his face. “I keep telling him there is no need. You won't find a place like this in the city.”

“I’m sorry for his behavior.” the wife said. “He does this all of the time. Nothing is ever good enough for him.”

“I can’t blame him.” Jaehyun said, his eyes roaming down the legs of the wife. “We men love being thorough.”

You slapped a hand against Jaehyun’s chest and tugged on his tie, hoping it would tighten against his throat. “We should get going soon, don’t you think, Jaehyun?”

“Oh, I think we can spare a few minutes, baby.”

The wife was completely ignoring the fact that you were in the room. She took a step towards Jaehyun, batting her eyelashes and pushing out her sweaty breasts. Jaehyun ate up the attention, his eyes practically fucking her right in front of you.

“You are absolutely shameless.” you said, walking away.

You walked through the fully furnished and staged home, finding the husband in the downstairs bathroom (one of three in the house). He wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t really your type. Still, he gave you the attention that made it easy for you to ignore all of that. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

“Like what you see?” you asked, moving one leg out in front of you so that your skirt rode up. “With the house, I mean.”

“Yeah.” he said. “Might be out of our price range. I'll have to check.”

You walked further into the bathroom, your heels click-clacking on the tile. It took only a few seconds for Jaehyun to find you, like it was a mating call, appearing in the bathroom doorway looking relaxed and ready to fuck. You knew the wife was soon to follow, a look of disappointment on her face that Jaehyun didn’t stick around to flirt with her.

You often wondered what women were thinking when caught with alone time involving Jaehyun. Were they imagining him bending them over the kitchen sink and fucking them? Did they think they were special, that he would sneak away from his dull job for an illicit affair with them? You could be sure that they were mentally undressing him, that they were not at all in tune to the fact that Jaehyun, in the end, only had eyes for you.

“If my girl here hasn’t sold you on the house, we would be delighted to show you to others on another date and time.” Jaehyun suggested.

Jaehyun’s words were final. He wanted them to leave immediately, to take their shit and go. You could hear the sour puss in his voice, the slight quiver in sound. He threw his arm around the wife and brought her closer to him. He let a smile consume him, one that made you grit your teeth. The four of you walked out of the bathroom quarters together, back to the open plan living room to discuss things further.

“You smell wonderful.” Jaehyun murmured to the wife of the pair. He let her go. “Anyway, the price isn't negotiable, but we’ll see what we can do if it’s what you really want. You may have to extend your budget further. If not, there are always others, like I said.”

The wife and husband agreed that the house would never be in their budget before leaving. The husband checked out your tits, and the wife cast one last longing look at Jaehyun over her shoulder, her pink tongue sensually gliding along her lower lip. With a serene smile, Jaehyun shut the door behind them, shutting the world out from you and him.

“You could have charmed the panties off of her.” you said, crossing your arms against your chest.” Pretty sure she would have blown you in front of the fridge if you had stood in the kitchen any longer.”

“Is that why you walked away?” Jaehyun said. “Scared of the competition?”

“Please.” you said. “I just really wanted to get fingerbanged by the husband over the toilet.”

“I can make that a reality.” Jaehyun smirked.

You walked into the kitchen and sat on a stool, smiling to yourself when Jaehyun followed you like a dog. “It’s not fair what you do to them.”

Jaehyun held on to either side of the stool and kept his face inches from yours. “You’re just angry because I win every time.”

“The husband always loves his wife too much.”

“And the wife is always ready to get fucked raw.” Jaehyun said. "By yours truly, of course."

“Maybe I should just start fucking the wife.” you said, peeling Jaehyun’s fingers from the stool.

“I would very much like that.”

“I know you would.” you said, pushing him away.

Jaehyun was pushed back feet from you. He yanked at his tie until it was loosely hanging around his neck. He ran a hand through his sandy brown hair, the ends sticking straight up in some places. You watched him, knowing it was what he wanted. You could see his chest hair peeking out from between the now unbuttoned portion of his dress shirt. The heat began to cover your body like a warm blanket of sin, as you thought about tangling your tongue up in those hairs.

“I can feel you on my skin, even though you haven’t touched me yet.” he whispered.

Jaehyun rolled his neck around, cracking it in some places. When his eyes met yours, the shade of brown appeared somewhat darker. You could feel that look rolling all the way down your stomach until it settled in its depths, curling up in itself. Your nerves felt shot, your confidence gone.

“Doesn’t it just feel so good to give in to me?” Jaehyun asked, his voice a little rough. “Don’t you want to play with me in this big, bad house?”

He came to you, only stopping by the length of your knees. He tucked his fingers underneath your chin and brought your eyesight up to his. He caressed your cheek with the back of his hand. He let his palm run smoothly down your throat, giving it a little squeeze. Your body was unmoving underneath his touch. Sometimes, you would absolutely vibrate with pleasure when Jaehyun touched you. Other times, you would become still like a steel fortress in the wind, wanting him to work a little for your affection, to open up your doors to him like an open house.

The house was empty, but so full at the same time. Jaehyun got down on his knees in a moment of submission, his head down like he was praying. He hugged you, his arms resting on your thighs, his whole being in your lap. It lasted less than a minute until he was back on his feet, a rare sweetness in his eyes as the rest of his body became unfamiliar and rigid.

“Stand up.” he said, his voice cold, the sound of it rattling through the bones of the house. Though there was a faint grin on his lips and a playful eyebrow raised, Jaehyun wasn’t allowing himself to be played with anymore.

You were not quick enough. He took you by the sides of your shoulders and pulled you from the stool. Your knees buckled but Jaehyun caught you in time, the move making your nipples harden. He could see the reaction through your work shirt, your two little buds staring him in the face. All you wanted was for him to touch you, but he wouldn't.

It was fun playing the game with him, since you two were so alike. There were times when you dominated Jaehyun, making him eat you out and cum before the new couples would arrive at the house. If he failed, he would be punished and have to do something embarrassing for him. If he passed, you would both be in a great mood and would usually get a house sold. Then, like now, there were times when Jaehyun took control, which would usually be followed by a lack of sales disappointment. You could always feel those times coming, the excitement unable to be contained.

Jaehyun took your hand and whisked you off through parts of the house where he knew prying eyes wouldn’t find you. He ran up the stairs eagerly, tugging you along behind him, not bothering to see if you were tripping up.

“The master suite.” Jaehyun said, stopping in front of a door. “Wait here.”

He left you standing in front of the closed door for over five minutes. You kept checking the time on your phone, your eyes roaming up and down every detail of the white, wooden door. If he was trying to tantalize you, it was working. You were very impatient, trying your best not to bust through the door and hop right on his dick.

“Come in.” Jaehyun said.

You held onto the handle, the image of the husband jiggling that very handle less than an hour ago fresh on your mind.

“I won’t tell you twice.” Jaehyun said.

You opened the door and saw Jaehyun sitting on the edge of a model bed. He had stripped it of the crisp sheets and fluffy pillows that were adorning it. He was shirtless and his dress pants were unbuttoned, his brown leather belt hanging by his sides.You drank him in like that, the impatience waning away.

“Come closer.” he said.

“So bossy.” you smiled.

You walked closer. Since you knew that you affected him as much as he affected you, every step felt delicious. You stood in front of him, ready to rip your business skirt off if he just said the magic words.

“Good girl.” he said, standing up.

He was looming over you, the heat from his body making you hot. You wanted to press your hands to his sweaty chest and push him down onto the bed. You wanted to bite his shoulder so hard that it made him cry out. You wanted to sit on that strong jaw, rocking your body over him until he was suffocating.

“Look me in the eyes,” he said. “Don’t look at my body, like I’m a piece of meat.”

“A little bit of disobedience never hurt anyone.” you said, meeting his eyes.

It was difficult to keep your eyes trained on his when you could hear him unzipping his pants. Each click of the teeth made your clit throb, like his tongue was already gliding over it. You could hear his pants falling down to his ankles, and from the corner of your eye, could see him shift slightly to step out of them until he was naked. With your imagination, you thought of him stroking his cock, pumping his fist up and down his shaft.

“Are you with me?” Jaehyun breathed. “Be with me right now.”

You nodded as the sounds of him masturbating heightened. Jaehyun moaned and let his eyes disconnect from yours. Though he was looking down at his cock, you were looking at the top of his pretty head. There were thousands of hairs you could tug and pull to get him to comply, to have him give you his cock. You could feel the tip of him and his fist rubbing against you as he made it upwards, each stroke nearly punching you, because he was so close.

You looked down, the top of your head skimming his. He was going at it slowly, moving his body like he was fucking his own fist. It was so sexy that you could feel all the nerves in your body tingling. Though his pleasure didn't happen to you, you could feel every grain of it. You breathed heavily with him, your body going through the build up with Jaehyun.

Your eyes met him again. Yours were, no doubt, asking him why he was being so cruel. It took a minute for him to stop, for Jaehyun to set his mouth in a grim line, and to cock his head and look lost in thought.

“This isn’t about you.” he said. “This isn’t about your pleasure. On your knees and put my cock in your mouth. Don’t stop sucking until I say.”

As you got slowly to your knees, your lips slid down his stomach, your kisses rushed before he could decline them. You grabbed hold of his cock, the tip of him resting on your bottom lip before you looked up at him. He held your side of the neck before moving to the back of your head and forcing his cock down your throat until your eyes watered.

Fucking in a place that didn’t belong to you was thrilling. The owners could come back any second and catch you in the act. There could be cameras installed, or nosy neighbors coming to check up on the people who owned the lone car that sat in the driveway.

“Is it good?” Jaehyun asked, his voice velvety smooth. "How do I taste?"

You sucked his cock without stopping, testing him with both lips, tongue, and fingers. You brought him back so far into your throat that you choked and took him out with a string of saliva. You swallowed that, too, so grateful to have him in any of your holes.

Jaehyun pulled his cock out and teased himself back inside of your mouth slowly. You let your jaw hang open and laid your tongue flat while he fucked your face. You gripped his thighs and let your fingernails dig into him before he came on your tongue, grabbing a handful of your hair at release.

When he ordered you to stand up, he was still leaking. He wasn’t stopping for anyone, not even when you made a show of wiping his cum off of your chin with your finger and slipping it into your mouth.

"It tastes yummy." you said.

“Clothes off,” Jaehyun said, ignoring you. “Kneel on the bed.”

He wasn’t losing his erection. He treated his cock like it was delicate, holding it in his hands and stroking it gently. You watched him as you stripped, taking a little too long with the stockings. Jaehyun ended up ripping them from your legs and tossing them aside. Without saying another word, he grabbed your ankles and pulled you down to the edge of the bed, nearly making you faceplant on the mattress.

“Fuck.” you whispered, your body jerking in surprise as Jaehyun started eating you out from behind.

He wasn’t shy about it either. He was licking you, moving his head side to side and up and down, just to get every bit of you. His lips were so warm and you were so wet, that you had to sink your upper half onto the bed and place your forehead against your arm. Jaehyun squeezed your ass cheeks and pushed you forward, his tongue lapping up all of your wetness.

You didn’t want to break, to crumble. You wanted to be strong and not moan or give in completely. You didn’t want to let him know that he could bring you down with just a lick, but it was hard not to.

“Beg me.” Jaehyun said, coming up for air.

He smacked your ass and you turned around until you were on your back. It was rough and forceful, and it turned you on. Jaehyun kissed your ankle before moving his lips down your thigh.

“Beg me.” he repeated. “Fucking do it now.”

The hotness on your inner thigh as his mouth got higher was enough to make you call his name. “Please, Jaehyun.” you said. “Don’t stop.”

Jaehyun ate you out, slipping his fingers inside of you. He would occasionally stop and kiss his way up your body to leave hickeys on your neck, and catch glimpses of your face to see if you were enjoying it.

“Not about my pleasure, huh?” you asked, nearly laughing.

Jaehyun groaned. “Don’t ruin it.”

“Too late.” you said, moaning as he fingered you. “You smell like her.”

You kissed his neck and got the bite you wanted from his shoulder. You held him against you, making sure your scent was all over him. His mouth tasted like you, though. You kept kissing him and grabbing at his hands to make sure they didn’t stop fucking you. You were a tangle of bare limbs, holding him against you, and fighting for dominance.

Jaehyun lifted his fingers from your pussy and held himself up over you. He looked you in your eyes, his gaze falling to your lips before he kissed them. He moved his body and slipped his cock inside of you, knocking the air from your mouth.

Missionary position was not your favorite. It was too romantic, not as wild. You wanted him to break your back, to bend you into positions that made your legs wobble the next day. You wanted risk. You wanted it rough. But having Jaehyun’s weight on top of you in that way felt different. You let him move over you, holding your hips as he drilled himself inside of you.

It didn’t last long until you were wanting to flip him over, until you could be on top and ride him. Jaehyun smirked when he realized what you were doing and said, “I don’t think so.”

He leaned up until his sweaty body wasn’t clinging to yours anymore. He spread your thighs apart after pulling you closer to him. He let you get a good view of his cock disappearing inside of you.

“This pussy is mine.” he said, touching his fingers to your clit. “Say it’s mine.”

“It’s mine.” you said.

Jaehyun fucked you faster, his cock hitting your cervix a little rougher. You winced at the discomfort you quite liked, immediately wanting him to keep fucking you deeper.

“Say it.” he said, moaning with each thrust.

“Or what?” you challenged, breathlessly trying to hold yourself together.

Jaehyun gripped your wrists and brought them above your head. He got close to you again, his body smothering yours, and his cock fucking you in a way that was too good to stop.

“I’m yours.” you said. “It’s yours. All of it is yours.”

He smiled when he got what he wanted, the same charming smile that seemed to have most women on tenterhooks, wondering if they would give them something else of his. Jaehyun never would, though, because everything of his was also yours.

[yelena-bellova]

Don't Be Afraid: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader - Chapter Thirty Three: You Can, You Will

Chapter Thirty Three: You Can, You Will

Series Masterlist

Plot: Y/n grieves the loss of Leia and struggles with the weight of her mother's last wish.

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: death of a parent, mentions of dead bodies, for once no language (shocking for me lol) and no more spoiler, ya'll will have to read to find out if Poe and y/n make it lol

A/N: HI. I'M BACK. It's been a crazy couple months and I've been dealing with some health issues but not today, satan. I'm still digging my no Tumblr life but I still want to finish out this series for you guys, and for my own brain lol. This chapter isn't rushed but I'm definitely not back into the full groove of writing so it might read a little wonky, but I hope the story and emotions still carry over. The last two chapters are going to be CRAZY and there'll be an epilogue that I'm REALLY EXCITED ABOUT. Hopefully there's still a few of you hanging on till the end with me :)

--------

You can be numb and feel a thousand emotions at the same time.

Y/n sat at the desk in her sparsely furnished room, hidden deep in the resident halls of the Resistance’s recently procured base on D’Qar. She stared down at the datapad with eyes glazed over, reading the words but not registering their meaning. Her hands held the weight of her head, a couple fingers anxiously fidgeting with strands of hair.

A knock at the door startled her from the flurry of thoughts racing through her head. She jumped at the sound, rising from her chair and pressing the button to open the door. There stood Leia, the picture of cool, calm and collected. The juxtaposition between mother and daughter had never been more boldly presented.

Leia declined to speak first, already having sensed Y/n’s fried nerves from across the base in the command center. Even if she hadn’t felt it, it was plain as day that there was a deep struggle pulling at the threads keeping Y/n’s heart sewn together.

Y/n shut the door once again and silently shuffled across the room to her desk again, taking her seat and resting her elbows on her knees. With her head dropped, she battled the emotions that were threatening to spill out of her like a flood. She drew a shaky breath and squeezed her palms together. “I don’t think I can do this, Mom.”

There. The words she’d been so afraid to say that it had manifested physically as trembling hands, a clenched stomach and raw nails from thorough biting. They existed now in the space she shared with Leia.

“This job,” Y/n continued, making desperate eye contact with her mother, “I’m not a soldier. I’m not a-a politician, I’m not a diplomat. I’m…” she dropped her head desperately and clenched her eyes. “I don’t know what I am.” What she meant was she didn’t know who she was apart from her family. In the shortest of time spans, Y/n had lost both her brother and her father. She had watched the ugly arguments her parents had gotten into, so different from the ones that ended with one admitting they were wrong and a kiss on cheek. She had agreed to go with Leia at Han’s insistence that it would be safer for her rather than a life smuggling aboard the Falcon, but her heart broke as she watched him leave while her and Leia finished packing to go to their own destination. She knew her family would never be returned to her.

Leia took a deep breath, searching and praying for the right words to let her daughter know how much she believed in her. “You’re right,” she began, “You’re none of those things. You’re you. And that’s far more of a qualification than any title or rank. I wouldn’t have asked you to be a part of this if I didn’t believe that you were the right choice.” When her daughter’s wet eyes looked up into hers, Leia continued. “I miss them too. Dearly. But we cannot let our grief paralyze us from doing what we believe is right. Otherwise…” Leia shrugged softly and let her hands fall in her lap, “The First Order wins.” “I know you’re right, it’s just…” Y/n sniffled and rubbed the back of her finger against her runny nose, “I’m just not sure if I’m going to be able to handle whatever this war throws at me.”

Leia reached out, elbows on her knees and took her daughter’s hands, the daughter who wasn’t hers by birth but in every other way possible. She had never doubted her for a moment. “You can,” she whispered reassuringly, the familiar passion they both shared lacing her voice, “You will.” ————————

Cold.

That’s all I felt.

Cold air in the room.

Cold snot drying under my nose.

Cold metal in my hand.

I stared down at the holoprojecter that Da’cy had handed to me, the one that she said in case of the worst happening, my mother had instructed her to give to me. I had sat with her blanketed body and wept over it, not caring who heard me through the thin curtains of the tent. But listening to whatever message she’d left for me was something I needed to do in complete privacy, leaving me to go to my and Poe’s room. My finger hovered over the button hesitantly until it twitched involuntarily and the blue picture flickered on.

Any breath I had left my body.

It was Mom.

“My darling,” her voice began, she was seated with her cane, “If you’re watching this, then…” she paused, “Well, it means that I’m gone. And I’m sorry. I don’t know if this message is finding you in peace or chaos but regardless, I hope you’ll still take what I have to say to heart.” “Since your father brought you to the palace back on Naboo, dirty and hungry and alone, I could tell you were a fighter. And as you grew older, the passion and fire in you grew and grew. They’re what make you such a good leader. They’re what make you such a good Jedi. And they’re what will make you a good general.” My lips parted in shock as I tearfully watched her smile that familiar smile. “Someone needs to lead who knows the full scope of what can be lost and gained in this war, someone whose resolve is so firmly planted in what’s right that they cannot be shaken. And even through your worst moments of doubt, you’ve never strayed from that, sweetie. You’re more than you think you are.” “But I don’t want you doing this alone. I’m also appointing Poe as co-general. Not because I don’t think you can handle it on your own, but because I’ve watched the two of you work together for years and I know that you both are at your best when you’re at each other’s side. You remind me so much of your father and I…” Mom chuckled, “Though I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or not.” Her decorum returned, “I know the losses you’ve suffered have changed you, they’ve changed me too. But nobody believes in your ability to handle this more than me. The galaxy has tried to break you and my darling, you have risen above it all and come out stronger than ever. No amount of words will suffice in telling you how proud I am to be your mother and how much I wish I could watch you take on this new role. I don’t want you doubting whether or not you’ll succeed at this,” Mom leaned in closer to the camera lens, “You can and you will.” A new batch of tears began to paint my cheeks, remembering the conversation we’d had so many years ago when she’d said the same thing. “I love you, my darling. May the Force be with you.” With a smile and a wink, she leaned forward and switched off the camera, ending the projection and leaving me in silence.

General. Me. Mom had believed in me so fiercely, even in my worst moments, that she believed I could lead the Resistance in her new absence. Not just me, Poe and I. She’d known we’d been having trouble the past few months, the holo had looked like it had been recorded recently, and yet she still picked us both to lead. It made some sort of strange perfect sense because she was right, Poe and I balanced each other out perfectly.

But were we too far gone to make it work?

The words we had exchanged throughout the day and in the months prior had become thorns stuck in the sides of our relationship. Nobody could hurt you more than the one that meant the most to you and Poe and I were both badly bruised. I didn’t think I’d ever forget the look on his face when I told him that I’d reached out to Ren. I’d betrayed him. Was his trust something I could gain back? Or did he want nothing to do with me?

Either way, I had to know.

I blindly dropped the holoprojecter on my bed and rose from the bed, stumbling out the door of the ship and wobbling down the hallway, In a rush, I made it out Into the base and ignored the concerned stares of those I passed. I spotted Finn and Chewie still sitting stunned outside the Falcon, Finn looked up as he heard my hurried footsteps. “Where is he?” I asked breathlessly.

“He’s in there,” Finn nodded towards the tent where my mother’s lifeless body rested.

I didn’t wait to consider whether it was a good idea to approach him, especially after our last conversation. My mind had switched off and my body acted on its own as I stepped toward the tent and opened the flaps, entering the curtained room.

Poe sat next to Mom, his elbows on his knees and tears in his eyes. He looked up as I entered and met my gaze, both of us frozen in both our grief and our shock. My eyes flitted to the blanket that concealed her, a new wave of sorrow crashing into me and threatening to take me under. Any words I had prepared were pushed aside to make room for the lump in my throat. I looked back to Poe who was clearly struggling just as much as me. Suddenly it seemed like every argument, every fight, every night gone to bed without making up shrank in size compared to what we faced now. The dam was breaking and we could either let ourselves drown or cling to one another and pray we survived.

“I’m sorry.” The two words escaped both our lips at the same time. He rose from his seat and made his way across the room at the same time as I made the same beeline for him. We met in the middle, embracing one another so tightly I thought we wouldn’t be able to breathe. Poe cupped the back of my head with one palm while I buried my face in the crook of his shoulder, needing as much of him as I could get. We silently cried into one another. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, “I let you down.” “You didn’t let me down,” he replied, quiet yet firm, “You could never let me down.” “Poe, I betrayed you,” I shot back hurriedly, “I betrayed everybody.” “Hey,” he pulled back and tilted my face so I was forced to look at him, “You told me to trust that what you did was what’s best for the Resistance.” “Yes, but that doesn’t include-“ Poe cut me off, “That’s what you said. I don’t understand it but…I still trust you.” “You shouldn’t,” I slid my hands down to grip the flaps of his shirt, staring down at them unable to meet his eyes, “Poe, I don’t think I’m the person I used to be. I wouldn’t have even considered doing what I did a year ago.”

“And I wouldn’t have considered saying half the things I’ve said to you…” Poe’s hands slid down to my waist and dropped his gaze to what little space was between us, “And I’m sorry. I’ve been an asshole, I took all my stress and frustration out on you. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

One of my palms reached up to cradle his cheek. “Hey,” I whispered through my tears, “We’ve both been going through it, we’ve both taken it out on each other.”

Poe’s head turned into my hand and his lips brushed my palm. It was possibly the most intimate contact we’d had in weeks and some part of me that didn’t know it was uneasy relaxed suddenly. I hadn't lost him.

“Did you…” he began, clearing his throat and killing the lump that was threatening to choke him, “Did she tell you before? That she was going to make us…?” I shook my head and looked over to where my mother lay. Another wave of grief overtook me. “I can’t believe she’s gone,” I whimpered. Poe was hugging me once more, trying to put all my broken pieces back together with his embrace. I sobbed into his shoulder quietly as I felt a few of his own tears hit my skin. Mom had been a motherly figure to him as well and losing her was like losing Shara all over again, I suspected.

“What are we going to do?” I asked, allowing my self-doubt to take control, “Can we really do this?” “I don’t know,” Poe replied honestly, his voice raspy, “I don’t feel ready…I’m not ready.”

“Neither were we.” Our heads spun to see a familiar figure had entered the tent. Lando.

“Luke, Han, Leia, me…” he shrugged as he approached us, “Who’s ever ready?” Poe dropped one hand from around me, but kept me tucked into his side. “How’d you do it? Defeat an empire with almost nothing?”

Lando’s eyes flicked between the two of us, “We had each other. That’s how we won. You two have the same advantage. Don’t lose it.” My grip on Poe tightened a little more as if he was about to disappear on me. Instead, I felt his arm pull me in closer like he was feeling that same fear. Lando came closer and took my free hand into his, squeezing it softly. “I’m sorry, Princess…I’m so sorry.” I nodded and squeezed his hand back, unable to speak in the moment. Lando was family and the fact that he was here when I needed him the most was near overwhelming. But I was so thankful.

“Now, you two have a lot to figure out…” he said, slowly making his way towards the exit of the tent, but not before shooting us a smile, “But if you need a pilot, I’m happy to lend a hand.” A ghost of a smile graced my lips as I watched him leave. Once he was gone, I turned to Poe. “Are we gonna do this?” I asked with a small grimace. “I think we’re gonna do this,” he answered with the same hesitation. “We’re gonna do this.” “We’re gonna do this.” “Wait,” I pressed my hands to his chest, “Our first act as general?” “Yeah?” “We need to appoint another general.” Poe’s eyes lit up, “You thinking who I’m thinking?” My smile served as his answer.

———— “There he is!” Poe said as we approached Finn, who was heading towards us with just as much purpose.

“I’ve gotta talk to you guys about something,” Finn said. “We’ve gotta talk to you about something,” I replied as the three of us met, “Look, we can’t do this by ourselves. Or rather, we don’t want to,” I looked to my side at Poe who gave me a nod of affirmation, “We want you in command with us.”

“This droid has-“ Finn paused and processed our offer, patting us both on the shoulder, “Thank you, I appreciate that.” With another nod from my boyfriend, Finn was promoted. “Generals.” “Generals,” our co-general repeated. “Generals,” I smiled, looking between the two men who meant the most to me.

“Listen, this droid has a ton of information about Exegol,” Finn pointed towards his feet to D-O.

“Wait, what? Cone-face?” Poe asked. “I am D-O,” the droid responded indignantly.

“Sorry,” Poe said genuinely, “D-O.”

Finn continued in his explanation. “He was going to Exegol with Ochi of Bestoon.” “Ochi?” I squinted, “What business would Ochi have had on Exegol?” “He was bringing a little girl he was supposed to take from Jakku to the Emperor. He wanted her alive.” I inhaled sharply and brought a hand to my mouth, “Rey.” “Exactly.” “Wait, why would the Emperor want Rey?” Poe asked. My eyes flicked to Finn, wondering if he knew the truth about Rey’s lineage. With one look, I confirmed what I thought to be true. “I can think of a few reasons. D-O,” I kneeled down, “Is it okay if we hook you up to the system?” “O-Okay,” the droid rolled back and forth in my direction.

The four of us made our way to the command center, Finn took care of hooking D-O up. Poe pulled me aside with his good arm, “What did you mean by reasons Palpatine would want Rey? And please don’t tell me you can’t tell me.” I sighed heavily, I didn’t want to betray Rey but I also didn’t want to withhold information from Poe. All of us needed as fully flushed out a picture of what was going on as we could get. “He’s her grandfather,” I confessed, “Rey’s a Palpatine.” Poe’s eyes widened, “Holy shit.” “I think that’s why she left us,” I said quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear us, “I tried to tell her it didn’t matter but she wouldn’t listen.” “Guys!” Finn called us over, “All the information you need for an airstrike on Exegol.” Poe and I leaned over the computer and examined the screen, Rose had come to join us too. “Yeah,” Poe said, “Except how to get there. Are you seeing these atmo readings?” “It’s a mess out there,” Finn agreed.

“Gravity wells, solar winds…” Rose added.

“How does a fleet even take off from there?” Finn asked.

“Mistress Y/n! Terribly sorry,” a familiar voice interrupted. My head whipped around to see 3PO and R2 approaching, “I’m afraid R2’s memory bank must be crossed with his logic recept-oh!” I wrapped my arms around the droid, knowing exactly what R2 had done. “You remember my name?”

“Yes, it would appear I suffered a memory failure which R2 fixed by using his memory backup.” One piece, just one piece of what I’d lost had been restored to me. Some part of my broken heart felt like it had been stitched back together.

“Sorry,” I let go of him and tried to remember I was now a general and needed to keep a certain amount of dignity, “What were you saying?” “R2 says he is receiving a transmission from Master Luke.” My heart stopped, “Luke?” “That is what he says,” 3PO replied. “R2?”

It’s true. Hook me up, I can show you. “Rose, hook him up,” I ordered, turning to look at Poe who shared my same confused expression, “It can’t be.” Nobody ever believes me, R2 complained as Rose wired him to the computer system.

We waited in anticipation as R2’s data loaded up, resulting in a series of letters and numbers coming up on our tracking system. “That’s an old craft ID,” Poe observed. Nostalgia hit me as I instantly recognized the code from years of watching it appear on the tracking system back home on Chandrila. “Oh my gosh, that’s his X-Wing.”

“It’s transmitting course marker signals,” 3PO said from behind us, “On its way to the Unknown Regions.”

“It’s Rey,” Finn stated confidently, “She’s going to Exegol. She’s showing us, she’s showing us how to get there.”

It was true, of course, Rey was charting our course perfectly and aiding us even through her darkest hour. The choice made itself as to what needed to be done. Poe and I looked to each other, back in sync for the first time in a long time. I read his mind perfectly without needing any Jedi tricks.

“Then I guess we’re going to Exegol,” I declared.

————

Finn, Poe and I stood firmly planted underneath the underbelly of the Tantive with all Resistance personnel gathered around us. Poe had filled me in on our way about the Star Destroyers and the tragic fall of Kijimi. It had only made me want to fight back harder.

“As long as those Star Destroyers are on Exegol, we can hit them.” “Hit them how?” Beaumont asked from nearby.

“They can’t activate their shields until they leave atmosphere,” Rose expertly explained. “Which isn’t easy,” Poe continued, “Ships that size need help taking off. Nav can’t tell which way’s up out there.”

“So how do the ships take off?” one of our pilots asked.

“They use a signal from a navigation tower, like this one,” Poe answered before clicking a button on a remote and lighting up a holoprojection of said tower. “Except they won’t,” Finn continued, “Air team’s gonna find the tower, ground team’s gonna blast it.” “Ground team?” Finn turned to answer the soldier, “I have an idea for that.”

“Once the tower’s down,” Poe returned to the plan, “The fleet will be stuck in atmo for just minutes with no shields and no way out.” “We think hitting the cannons might ignite the main reactors,” Rose stated.

It was a perfect plan that would require perfect execution, but it wasn’t impossible. As I stood beside Poe, I stayed quiet as I allowed them to take over the whole of speaking to everyone. My own mind was spinning with ideas of my own, or rather just one. One that would send me on my own path separate from everyone else’s.

At some point I realized I wasn’t registering the conversation around me and had to tune back in. Konnix had just commented on our lacking of the numbers needed to take out as many cannons as there were.

“Lando and Chewie are gonna take the Falcon to the Core,” I spoke up, “They’re going to put out a call to anybody listening. The Falcon’s got some pull out there.”

“We’ve got friends out there,” Poe added, “They’ll come if they know there’s hope.”

The murmurs around us let me know that not everybody believed the same as we did. I sensed we were losing them. I racked my brain for what to do, feeling like I was flailing helplessly in the new role of general. The only question flooding my brain was ‘what would Mom do?’

I took a step forward and as deep a breath as my lungs would allow me. “My mother held out hope until the very last moment of her life,” I said, not needing to tell them what it was she had hoped for, “She believed in our cause with everything in her. And if she were here right now, she wouldn’t hesitate to take this chance. This is the opportunity we’ve been waiting for since the minute this group was formed. And if we don’t take it…we assure ourselves a galaxy lost.” Something inside me pushed forward, urging me to continue. “The First Order’s convinced the galaxy there’s no hope. But they’re wrong. We are the hope. This,” I gestured around to our group, “This is hope. Us. Together. That’s the only way we stand a chance.” “Leia never gave up,” Finn stated in agreement with me, “And neither will we. We’re gonna show them we’re not afraid.”

“What our mothers and fathers fought for,” Poe added, “We will not let die. Not today. Today we make our last stand.” “Today we fight for all that we’ve lost,” I stated with more confidence than I’d ever possessed in my life, “For everyone we’ve lost in this war. For the whole galaxy,” I paused, “For my mother.”

“They’ve taken enough of us,” Finn shook his head, “Now we take the war to them.” We waited to see what response we received. There was a silence that rested over the crowd until a soldier stood up from their seat in back, “For Leia!”

What followed was inspiring to say the least. Every single Resistance member shouted the same chant, choosing to fight in my mother’s name. Poe slipped his hand subtly into mine as we watched proudly, my mother was continuing to lead us from the great beyond.

“All right,” I said with tears in my eyes, “Let’s get to work.” ————

“Okay, we just did repairs earlier today but yesterday, it took a beating when Poe lightspeed skipped so we’re still taking it easy on her. I don’t think you should have any problems but if you do, Chewie knows-“ “Y’know, Princess,” Lando interrupted me from where he sat at the gaming console, “The Falcon used to be mine, I think I can handle her.” I stopped from where I paced in front of him, “What? Dad never mentioned that!” Landon laughed heartily, “I didn’t think he would. Regardless, Chewie and I can take care of whatever might go wrong,” he stood and put a hand on my shoulder, “You focus on taking care of yourself.” I took a breath for the first time since I’d stepped aboard the ship. “You do the same,” I said with a warm smile, “I can’t lose anybody else I love today.” The two of us hugged before I jogged to the cockpit and wrapped my arms around Chewie in the co-pilot’s seat. “You come back home too, okay?” A roar and a furry arm wrapped around mine assured me that he would. The two of us rested in the warmth for a moment, taking comfort in one another. Chewie and Lando were the only family I had left and letting them go was a little too difficult for me. Nevertheless, my feelings didn’t matter. What mattered was getting help.

Disembarking the Falcon with great hesitation, I looked around at the chaos that surrounded me. The whole of the Resistance was running to their ships and stations, obeying the orders Poe, Finn and I gave as if they’d come from my mother herself. Our plan was really going into action. Today was the day that we took down the First Order.

And I wouldn’t be there to see it.

I made my way through our shipyard till I spotted my favorite X-Wing. Instead of Bee being loaded into his slot, it was R2 who Poe was helping to ease into the ship.

“You better be careful with my droid,” I called from behind him, “You break him and you’ll have both me and 3PO to deal with.” Poe turned around at the sound of my voice and smiled, “I’m not sure which one’s worse.” I chuckled softly as the two of us met at the front of the ship, locking fingers and pressing our foreheads together. I took all of him in, the scent from his heavily used pilot’s suit calming me down like never before. It was a moment I wished I could have stayed in for longer and one that I hated to ruin. “I can’t come with you,” I said quietly, “I have to find Palpatine.” Poe pulled back with a furrowed brow and a slack jaw. “What?” “I think that’s where Rey’s going, to find him. I’m going to follow her signal to wherever he’s hiding out on Exegol. I can’t leave her to do it herself.” “Y/n,” Poe’s hands slid up to my forearms, “Are you kidding me? That’s suicide.” “No, suicide is letting Rey walk into wherever he’s hiding out alone,” I argued, “And I’m going whether or not you approve of it.” He stuttered as he fought to figure out something to say that would keep us together. Before he could, I stopped him with a press of my fingers to his lips.

“Our parents fought a war and thought they ended it, but Palpatine surviving only guaranteed that there’d be another. The one that we’re trying to end,” I stared deep into his eyes, urging him to understand me, “I’m ending this today so that our children don’t have to fight the same war in thirty years. And the only way to do that is by killing the Emperor.” He couldn’t argue with me, though I knew he desperately wanted to. The future I wanted for us and our kids held no war, no chaos, no Sith Lords wrecking havoc across the galaxy. I was going to ensure that happened for us, one way or another.

Poe rubbed a hand over his face, as he usually did when he was stressed. “Okay,” he relented as he pulled me into his arms and held me, “Okay, but let me help you.” He took my hand and led me away from his X-Wing, taking me to the very outskirts of the shipyard. We stopped in front of a tarp covered shape of a fighter, which Poe let go of me to approach. “It just got finished the other day. It was supposed to be a surprise for some other time, but I guess this is as good as an occasion as ever…” Poe pulled back the tarp to reveal a ship I never thought I’d get to see in the flesh. My grandfather’s starfighter.

“It’s…” I started, “It’s…” “It’s not the same one, obviously,” Poe explained quickly, “But it’s the same model and everything. I found it when I was on a mission a couple months ago, had it delivered and had the crew work on it in their spare time. I figured I have my X-Wing and the Falcon’s yours, but since it’s in use some of the time that you might need your own fighter.”

The gesture was a deeper one than most would understand, but Poe knew how many holos I had watched of my grandfather flying in battle during the Clone Wars. He knew how tightly I held onto my identity as a Kenobi, how badly I wished to wear the name proudly and how much it hurt to not be able to for fear of someone coming after me. But flying a ship nearly identical to the one my grandfather had used in his own war, now that was a gift only Poe was capable of thinking up and giving to me…

With tears in my eyes, I walked towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you,” I whispered, my lips brushing his ear from the closeness.

His arms snaked around my waist and secured me to him. “I’m always gonna protect you,” he replied softly, “Even when you won’t let me.” I let out a single laugh and pulled back to look at him, taking his face into my hands. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through,” I said. One corner of his mouth lifted, “I’m sorry for what I put you through too. No matter what happens, you’re always going to be the love of my life.” I bit down on my lip to try and conceal the grin, but Poe had the ability to make me smile even in our worst moments. “Same goes for you.” “That reminds me,” Poe pulled his arms away to reach down into his flight suit. He pulled out the chain that never left his neck, the one that contained his mother’s wedding ring. He held it in between us, letting the ring spin before settling in the air. “I want you to wear this.” “Poe, I can-“ “No arguments,” he shook his head and pressed the necklace into my hand before holding it up between our bodies. The intensity in which he stared at me only served to heighten the seriousness of the moment. “You’re gonna take this, and you’re gonna wear it…And you’re gonna come back to me. And when you come back, I’m gonna put this ring on your finger…” a small smile lifted his lips, “And I’m gonna marry you.”

Any words I may have had vanished into thin air, all I could do was hold onto the promises Poe was making. The sweetness of them almost made me forget the enormity of what we were about to try and accomplish. But damn it, if they didn’t make me want to fight all the more…

Poe took the necklace from my palm and carefully slid it around my neck, the ring settling against my chest, close to my heart. I fingered the ring, turning it over and examining its shine. I saw it every day and yet there was something so different about it now sitting on my frame, it was like I was seeing it for the first time. I was seeing the future that Poe and I had dreamed about for so long, resting in the little gold ring. Resting in the promise of it all being ours if the two of us survived.

In shocking contrast to how we’d treated each other in the days and weeks before, I fisted Poe’s flight suit and pressed my lips to his in a kiss filled with more passion than I’d experienced in a long time. Poe’s hands tightly gripped my waist as he returned the kiss with just as much fervor. In that moment I knew that we were going to be okay, even after the hell we’d put each other through. At the end of the day, there was no me without Poe, and there was no Poe without me.

I hesitantly broke the kiss, wishing to every power in the galaxy that it wasn’t going to be our last. “You come back home, Dameron,” I whispered, pressing my forehead back against his and breathing him in one final time, "You come back home to me." “You too, Solo,” he returned, his throat closing in on itself as he finished the sentiment, “I love you.” “I love you too,” I finished with an unexpected whimper at the end. I had to trust that we would come back to each other, that I wouldn’t get him back only to lose him…

With a final peck, the two of us separated from each other. I went to climb into my new starfighter while Poe headed back on the path to his X-Wing. I watched his figure make its way through the shipyard until I couldn’t see him anymore, already feeling the weight of his absence. The galaxy willing, there’d come a day where we’d never need to be apart again…

I settled into the seat of my fighter, unable to not feel a little more connected to my grandfather as I ran my hands over the controls of the ship. My grandfather, Mom, Dad, Uncle Luke…All casualties of one war or another. I had seen children lose their parents, spouses lose their other half, friends and comrades sacrificed…and it all led up to the moment we were in. Poe and Finn would take out the fleet, Lando would bring reinforcements and I would kill the Emperor. There would be no more loss, no more sorrow, and no more war.

“No more,” I said to myself, channeling every bit of strength I could, “No more.”

----

A/N: I can't believe we're almost finished with this series. Trust me, there's still some surprises left up until the very end ;) Let me know what you thought or if you'd like to be tagged and as always, thanks for reading along!

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