#so im going to go smoke some weed and calm down now

[pir8]

not sure if theres anything more shameful and humiliating than having to drop out of a class because you are failing when all the coursework is objectively easy and youve learned half the material before anyways but you are just sooo unimaginably lazy and unprincipled you immediately dig a hole too deep to climb out of in time

[ellieslittleslutt]

Flowers shall grow⋆.ೃ࿔

MEN AND MINORS DNI!!

summary youve had feelings for your best friend for years but never knew if she did too, but now a move has finally been made

cw ellie fell and scraped her knee, small amount of blood, swearing, smoking, stoned sex (fuck yeah), oral r!receving, fingering r!receving, and i think that’s it?

a/n this is like the longest thing i’ve ever written so if it sucks total ass it’s because i was getting tired :( also sorry about the smut but being very brief

wc - 2.6k!?!?

not proof read

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you and ellie were join at the hip, always have been since that one day in 5th grade when she asked if you guys could be partners in a project. you two did everything together. even though you two always were seen as the town losers it never bothered you. it basically matched you were kind of losers and you liked it that way.

“come on you’ll be fine!” ellie called out from the top of a tree with that stupid grin. she had climbed up there saying it would be fun. “ellie no get down you’re gonna fall” you say trying to get her down. she just stick out her tongue and stood up loosing her balance slipping.

“ellie!” you yell running over to her on the ground. “fuck ellie are you okay?” you ask panicking as you crouch down by her helping her sit up. once she was up she burst into a fit of giggles “jeez you should’ve seen your face!” she wheezes and you hit her arm.

“i thought you broke a bone” you huff sitting back down next to her “oh calm it wasn’t that big of a fall” she says scooting over to sit by you.

you glance over at her trying to pretend to be mad your arms crossed. ellie placed her chin on your shoulder looking up at you through her lashes. “you mad at me?” she asks with a teasing pout.

you just huffed rolling her eyes “annoyed because you could’ve gotten really hurt!” you say really worried.

she kisses your shoulder and then look back at you “i know i know im sorry… just a scrapped knee nothing else” she says softly. your stomach flipped and her tone and the kiss making your angry front falter and ellie grins “wanna keep exploring?” she asks.

you look back at her smiling “yeah let’s go dumb ass.” you help pull ellie up dusting her off and grab her bag, continuing your exploration of the woods.

🐾

you guys spent the next hour or two walking g around and ellie doing dumb shit like trying to climb rocks that were way too high for your liking and catching bugs chasing you around with them.

while walking on the trail you looked over at her walking in front of you “it’s gonna get dark soon els” you mumble a little nervous about being in the woods after dark. “yeah we should probably get home” she says looking back at you turning back around “you okay?” she asks putting a hand on your back as you keep walking.

you nodded “mhm” you hummed looking at her “just the woods and dark freak me out” you mumbled and shrug. “we’ll be home soon” ellie reassured.

once you two were back at ellie’s house you kicked off your shoes looking around seeing joel isn’t on the couch “where’s joel?” you ask pointing at the couch. ellie looks up from untying her shoes “oh he’s out with tommy on this hunting trip or something i’m not sure.” you nodded looking around “got any weed?” you ask looking at her. ellie flashed you a wicked smile “under my bed” she says standing back up plopping on the couch.

you scurry off to her room crouching down onto you knees squinting trying to find anything that looks like she could put weed in. as you’re looking you find a small blue journal. curious, you reach for it sitting back on your heels as you flip through the pages. it’s mainly just small rambles and sketches she did.

you kept flipping through it when you reach a page making you stop in your tracks. it’s you. so many sketches of you, some of them you’re smiling and some you’re walking with her. next to each drawing there’s little blurbs, small notes she made,

“some fuckers we’re calling her names, she had to hold me back so i wouldn’t get mad. i don’t deserve her..”

“her head was on my chest last night, we were so close. she smelled so sweet, don’t be a creep ellie”

she was so adorable, you just stared at the drawings in awe at both the talent and the fact that she liked you. ellie williams, you’re best friend, you’re not so platonic soulmate, you’re fastest crush, liked you back. you just sat there reading over everything she wrote and how each stroke or the pen had meaning.

“did you find it?” ellie calls from the living room snapping you back quickly hiding the note book “just give me a second!” you yell back leaning back down on the floor searching for the weed.

you found a small altoids tin opening it to find a few pre rolled joints “fuck yeah” you mumbled getting back up walking over to ellie. you couldn’t help but stare at her, now knowing what you know. she liked you. holy shit!

“took you long enough” ellie teased reaching for her lighter in her bag sticking the joint between her teeth. sitting down on the couch watching her. she was so beautiful. the way she took a drag off the joint and her low pale green eyes looking down at the glowing red ember of the cigarette. her hair a brown in the dark, but in the evening sun her hair was a beautiful red color. she really was gorgeous.

“you’re staring” she says softly passing you the joint “was i?” you ask with a smile taking a hit off it the smoke burning your throat. “you okay? you seem a little.. i dunno” she mumbles watching your lips wrap around the joint. “i seem what?” smoke falls from your lips as you speak slowly leaning forward, a wave of confidence coming over you. “i don’t know you just seem off.. not necessarily in a bad way though” her voice was quiet and her hands filling taking the joint back. “i found something under your bed” you blurt out her eyes going wide feeling like her heart just stopped.

she coughs a smoke cloud coming up in her face “fuck… shit-“ she chokes out between her hacks and wheezes sitting up looking at you. you were trying to stifle your laughs resting your elbow on the back of the couch “don’t laugh mother fucker im dying” ellie says reaching for a glass of water chugging it.

once her coughing fit calmed down and she handed you back the joint looking at you “so… what exactly did you find?” she asks. “well something about smelling nice and not deserving me” you tease taking a drag off the joint. “shit dude im so sorry im really fucking sorry i get if you don’t want to be around me or even talk to me anymore” she rambles on but is quickly cut off by you sitting down in her lap straddling her hips reaching over to stub the joint out in the ash try “calm down els” you say with a soft giggle leaning in closer cupping her cheeks “i like you too” you whisper before pressing your lips to hers.

ellie let out a small gasp in shock but quickly relaxes into the kis your lips moving with hers slowly leaning back against the couch hands resting on your hips.

that’s how you ended up here. pressed against the couch your jeans kicked off and panties pooled around your ankles while’s ellie’s head makes itself a home in between your legs.

“oh my god… oh fuck—!” you moaned your fingers tangled in her hair

as you threw your head back. she had her arms tight around your thighs holding you down so your hips wont squirm too much. “feel good baby?” she asks the vibrations of her words just causing you to moan louder her tongue flicking over your clit as she takes one of her hands off your thigh using two fingers to press into you slowly curling them up.

“ellie holy shit!” you yelped gripping her hair tighter. the bucking of your hips got more halted and your moans and whimpers got louder. “come on baby i got you” ellie mumbles into your pussy as she speeds up. “g-gonna cum!” you moaned. before you knew it your orgasm hit you like a crush letting it wash over you throwing your head back reaching to grip the cushion .

when you started to push her away from the over stimulation ellie knew you were done pulling away kissing up your body and her lips meeting yours once more, tasting yourself on her lips.

“you okay” she asks softly her hand rubbing your side softly watching your fluttering eyes giving her a fucked out smile “never better”. ellie chuckles and kisses your temple getting up “ill be back”.

when she comes back she was holding a damp wash cloth sitting back down with you cleaning you up making sure you were okay. she tossed the towel on the coffee table cuddling back up to you wrapping her arms around your shoulders rubbing your back softly.

“ellie?” you whisper looking up at her “yes?”

“what does this make us? i like you, you like me and we just fucked, so what are we?” ellie hums looking down at you her eye brows in a small frown “well we have two options— girlfriends or no labels and we just see what happens” she says softly smiling at you “i mean.. i think you should be my girlfriend” you mumbled putting your head back n her chest. “then were girlfriends” she smiles making yours grow wider “ i like that” you whisper shutting your 

eyes. she leaned down to kiss your forehead head cradling in your arms pulling the throw blanket up to your shoulders.

🐾

the next morning you woke up in ellie’s bed with her curled up behind you arm loosely wrapped around your waist holding you close to her.  she was sleeping still, her lashes rested against her cheeks, breath soft, and there it was, the morning sunshine causing her hair to glow that beautiful red. your hand slowly reached out to brush some loose strands behind her ear taking her in. she stirred feeling your hand resting on your cheek  rolling onto her back eyes fluttering open with a soft sigh. her fuzzy mind remembering last night a sleepy smile growing on her lips.

she turned back to look at you pulling you closer “morning” she mumbled into your ear kissing along your jawline. you giggled tilting your head back “morning girlfriend”

ellie smiled at the name continuing to kiss you all over “joel comes home today so i gotta get the house ready for him” she groaned lying back down. you hummed softly closing your eyes snaking your hands back around her waist “well i thought we could go get lunch at the diner together” you mumbled against her neck ellie’s eyes opening to look at you “yeah… i wanna do that” she says and then pounces back onto you burying her face into your neck while you giggled.

you two were going around the house doing chores so that it’s ready for joel. you were sat on the couch folding some laundry while ellie mopped the floors. it was a comfortable silence, you both were in your own worlds not paying much attention to each other.

ellie came up behind you on the couch putting her chin on your shoulder to watch what you’re doing “i’m hungryyyyy” she groans “when are we going?”

“soon just let me finish this round of laundry okay?” you say kissing her cheek. ellie groans going off to her room to get ready.

in ellie’s truck it was joel’s old beat up truck that he gave to ellie. she had a small dinosaur keychain hanging from the mirror and kept the cda you two burned your favorite songs onto because she didn’t have bluetooth and the radio here sucked. ellie glanced over at you while she was driving to the diner smiling “so last night”. you groaned rolling your eyes “do we have to talk about it?” “well no i was just going to ask you something. was it your first time?” she asks with a wide grin.

“maybe” you mumbled “i mean your were shaking a lot but that could just be because—“ “ellie!” you smack her thigh leaning back and she was in a fit of laughter trying not to drive off the road. “well for the most part i thought it was amazing” she smiled and kissed your hand.

at the diner you sat next to ellie and she was talking about some weird universe theories she learned about and while she was distracted you were slowly taking her french fries just to see how many it will take for her to notice. turns out it was basically half of the whole tray and when she noticed she stopped and stared down and the tray frowning and looking back at you. “where’s my french fries?” she pouted seeming genuinely upset.

you laughed kissing her cheek sliding your plate over to her where you put them all “i just wanted to see when you’ll notice” you giggled as she huffed eating her french fries.

while walking back home you were holding her hand swinging it. the birds were singing and the sun was beaming down but yet it was still cold out. ellie shuddered a bit pulling you a bit colder “it’s getting colder” she mumbled.

you walked closer to her to try and share your warmth with her looking back at her wrapping your arm around her waist “come on let’s get home” you chuckled.

at ellie’s house joel was home from his trip smiling when he sees you two “hey girls” he smiles coming over to hug ellie. “i see you didn’t burn down the house” he chuckles pulling away looking back at you “and how are you?”

“i’m good joel” you smile. “well joel we are going to go to my room see you for dinner” ellie nods dragging you off to her room seeming annoyed. you sat down on her bed as she stood between your legs you hands on her hips “you okay you ask softly rubbing your thumbs on her hips.

“he definitely knows” she mumbles “why do you think that baby” you ask against her kissing along her hips. “i dunno he just gave me those eyes, the ‘i know’ eyes” she sighs hands on your shoulders. “is that necessarily a bad thing?” you ask looking back up at her and she shrugs “i guess not but he will not shut up about it if he does.”

you chuckle pulling her down onto bed kissing her cheeks “well i think it’s a good thing… means we don’t have to hide anything” you whisper against her skin with a smile.

🐾

that night the two of you were in bed cuddled up your head on her chest and she was brushing your hair back while scrolling in her phone and you were watching tv. ellie put her phone down looking at you with a smile “you’re so beautiful” she whispered playing with your hair making you smile “you’re so beautiful” you replying looking up at her. “i’m so happy you found my journal.. i’m so happy i even wrote that down.” you pushed yourself up kissing her softly “some of that was a little… odd” you teased after pulling away earning you an exaggerated eye roll “shut up you weren’t supposed to see that”

giggling you lie back down pressing a kiss to her shoulder “i love you” you whisper. ellie cheeks grow red looking down at you cupping your jaw “i love you more…”

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i don’t want to hear shit about them saying i love you too soon, they were best friends for years before and they’re lesbians :\

[ellies1luvr]

dealer!ellie x reader

(head cannons)

based on the song daddy issues by the neighborhood

A/n: Im writing this on my notes app, have never written before but i fear if i don’t write this it will never be written😅 currently going though a situation ship and im very touched starved so that is wear this is coming from‼️

Idc if minors read

please give me feedback even if its not the nicest it is really appreciated!!

TW: erm lesbians, reader having daddy issues, casual by chappell roan mentioned, crying, panic attacks, anxiety, reader sits on ellies lap, weed, lmk if i missed anything!! no use of y/n‼️

Dealer Ellie who met you at a party having panic attack

Dealer Ellie who brought you back to a random couch at the frat party and gave you free weed to calm you down while having a meaningful conversations

Dealer ellie who drove you home and got your phone number

Now anytime you have a panic attack or anything close to one, you call ellie and she comes over with free weed/ holds your hand and comforts you the whole time

“hey pretty girl” “there you go pretty”

when you smoke to much shes there to ground you

“its okay baby i got you, your safe with me”

Soon after you both catch feelings, not telling each other because you don’t want to ruin whats going on.

You call ellie one afternoon asking if she can come over, shes really busy but you dont need to know that and comes over.

you both end up confessing your feelings and make out on the couch, soon you both fall asleep in each others arms

by the end of that night you and ellie are bound by the hip (i think thats how the saying goes?? idk) ellie always with you in someway or some form.

Ellie soon finds out about your attachment issues and fear shes gonna leave you in some way, (hints daddy issues😅) but that fear is soon subsided by ellie and her always with and doting on you

at the beginning of you and ellies relationship, you tried not to get too comfortable but as soon as you do, you are clinging to ellie all the time.

(deals, in classes, restaurants, idk but always touching ellie and ellie always with or touching you in some way)

Getting with ellie didnt stop all your panic attacks or anxiety, when bad panic attacks would happen you would sit on ellies lap with a tv show playing in the background, ellie lighting a blunt, lightly placing it between your lips watching you inhale and exhale

Dealer ellie making that collage dealer bank, would take you shopping all the time.

no matter what your style, hyperfem, on the masculine side, or neither she would spoil the hell out of you.

You and ellie dont have sex untill about a month into the relationship, deciding to take it slow

You and ellie rarely ever got in fights, (you being sensitive also hints daddy issues😅) would cry when ellie raised her voice at you, not trying to be manipulative in the way that anytime you two get in disagreements you cry, but when she would yell, yes.

“ellie that girl was flirting with you i saw it”

“babe no she wasnt”

“ellie please just stop dealing to her”

“babe its my fucking job to deal what do you expect for a dealer in a collage campus not to get hit on?!”

when she heard sniffles her heart immediately dropped realizing that she yelled.

safe to say that girl never got another ounce of weed from ellie again.

i feel like all of ellies past relationships were just “casual” but with you it was very different!

Red wine supernova by chappell roan is definitely her favorite song on rise and fall of a midwest princess (but she relates to casual 😅 the most)

The first time she took you to meet joel you cried bc your dad cut you off once he found out you were gay , and especially not a dad like joel

one time when you amd ellie once woke up early enough to make breakfast before classes, you started a playlist on you phone

Naked in manhattan by chappell roan started playing, you started dancing and ellie soon followed hugging you from behind kissing your neck

Suggestive

at party’s when ellies dealing, you would always be perched on her lap, facing ellie, counting her freckles

Ellie being ellie is horny when shes high, you being you are emotional when high but that doesnt stop yall from having heated moments when both of yall are high.

i feel like ellie would have Lunch by billie eilish playing when shes high and that always leads to a long (fun) night

thanks for reading dykes‼️

[sturnslutz]

mustang baby.

please don't read if you are uncomfortable with the slight topic of disobeying religion.

after school, matt and you texted a bit, just telling him where you live at and the subtle flirting, more so coming from him. matt had texted you about 10 minutes ago that he was 15 min away, so that gives you about 5 more minutes to recollect yourself.

you wore a simple pink dress, that was a little short, but it wasn't like he was taking you to a restaurant, he was probably just going to drive around, smoke a bit, and then go to his house.

to say you were nervous was a understatement. matt had this energy that made you more shy than you actually were. while you were trying to collect your thoughts, your phone rang.

you looked over, it was matt. you picked it up.

"hey pretty. 'm outside."

"okay, im coming."

you heard him hum in response, so you hungup and got into your shoes. you walked out of your house and was met with a 1965 ford mustang. you smiled at the car, admiring it as he got out of the driver's seat, walking to the other side and opening the door for you.

"hey, baby. go ahead." he smirked at you, kissing your head as you smiled and muttered a small, "hi" back to him. you got into the warm car and was overcome quickly by the lingering smell of weed.

he closed the door, being mindful of your knees before, walking back to his side. he slid back in, sighing, and starting the car. the heater turned on, and the soft music of deftones filled the car.

"y'comfy?" he asked as he turned his head to you, while starting to drive the car out of your neighborhood. "yeah, very." you smiled softly at him, before he nodded, paying his attention back to the road.

"y'look really good. i like this dress." he said softly, reaching his hand over, tugging the edge of the dress softly, causing a chill to run through you. "really? thank you. i didn't know if it was too immodest or anything." you admit, your voice getting a bit louder than your whispers before.

you heard matt laugh softly and scoff. "immodest? baby, i'ont care about that. look at me, im the definition of that shit. you religious or sum?" you laugh softly at his response. "kinda. i don't really know. my parents are, but i'm not too interested in it." he nodded, understanding.

"mmm, alright. i get that. so like you a virgin or somethin'?" he asks, more calm than before, but now looking at you for your response. "um, yeah. i haven't done anything before, actually. i haven't even had my first kiss or held hands with anyone. except like my mom, i guess."

his eyebrows raise in a bit of shock at your admission. "really? that's kinda crazy. not to you, but it's like now kinda hard to find someone who hasn't done a single thing. it's not bad though, baby. y'just saving yourself for someone special, huh?"

you nod in response to his question. you would never admit this to him, but you would be more than glad to allow him to do everything to you. even if you didn't know what "everything" was, you would allow him to do it.

he nods back to you, redirecting his attention back to the road, letting his right hand fall on your thigh, starting to rub your thigh softly. "this okay?" "y-yeah."

he smirks as he feels goosebumps rise on your skin, as he leans his hand farther down into your thigh, now rubbing your inner thigh so close to the point you needed him, but he didn't know that yet.

he pulled up to a well known park in downtown boston and parked underneath some trees. he turned off the engine, but making no move to get out. "are we gonna go outside?" you say softly, looking over to him. he shook his head, rubbing your thigh still.

"nah, i jus' wanted to come and smoke a bit. i jus' wanna talk. we gonna head back to my house though and we can chill if you want." he says softly as he pulls a joint and lighter out of his pocket. he pulls his hand away from your thigh to help him light it.

smoke filled the car as he rolled down his window a bit to not suffocate the both of you. you both remained in silence as his hand falls back down to your thigh. "y'good?" he says, smoke flowing out of his mouth. you nod and hum back in response. you eye the blunt in his mouth, which catches his attention. "here. open your mouth. y'know what shotgunning is? not the beer kind." you shake your head no, and he grabs your jaw softly, pulling you closer to him.

"y'okay with me kissing you?" he asks softly, making sure. your eyes widen a bit as the thought rings through your mind, before nodding. he smirks, taking a hit and leaning his mouth to you, your lips touching as smoke fills your mouth. you're caught off guard as he mutters a soft, "inhale f'me." against your mouth before pulling away.

you do so, and blow the smoke out. he smirks as he rubs your jaw softly, pulling you to him again, but his blunt dangling from his left hand. he kisses you softly, and you do the same, following his movements. he notices you becoming more into it, so he lets his tongue run against your lip, which you open your mouth to, letting his tongue into your mouth.

his grip on your jaw becomes a bit tighter, as he kisses you with more passion. you continue to follow his movements, creating a perfect sync between the two of you. he pulled away from you, both of you desperate for air. he smirks at you, once he realizes he was your first kiss.

he leans back in his seat, letting his hand come off your jaw, falling back to your thigh. he pulls the blunt back to his lips, the smoke filling the car once again. you sit back in your seat, your face flushed. you just had your first kiss with matt sturniolo.

some time passes as you calm into the slight high you were experiencing. "so why'd you transfer to shs?" you say without a thought before.

he sighed before speaking. "i got expelled out of full circle. some dumb shit. so me and my brothers switched to shs." you nodded. "your brothers are chris and nick, right?" he nods, looking at you. "y'know them?" "yeah, me and nick have art together and me and chris have a couple classes together. im friends with both of them."

"a'ight. yeah, i figured they would like you. i also heard people refer to you as 'angel.' that what you go by?" you shrug softly. "yeah. no one really calls me my actual name besides teachers and my parents sometimes. you can call me it too." he laughs softly.

"oh, trust me i will. it's a hot name for you." you roll your eyes, smiling at his teasing. his blunt died out, so he started his engine again. "m' good at driving, trust me. we'll be good."

he started driving home, and his house wasn't that far from the park. he pulled into his driveway, shutting off his engine. his hand patted your thigh before getting out of the car, walking over to your side and opening your door.

you got out of the car, stretching. he put his hand on your back, following next to you as the both of you walked up to his door. "my parents aren't home, but my brothers are." you smiled at the thought of your friends being there, and nodded. he opened the door, allowing you to go first.

chris was on the couch and looked up to the door and his eyes lit up. "angel? what are you doing here?" he got up and walked over, giving you a friendly hug. "we're hanging out." matt replied for you. you didn't see, but chris gave him a confused look. "angel, nick is in his room, lemme talk to matt real quick. his room is down the hall over there." chris said to you softly, pointing to the hall. you nodded, walking over and making your way to nick's room, talking to him.

once chris noticed you closed nick's door, he looked back at matt. "what the fuck? you aren't getting with her." matt scoffed as he leaned against the wall next to him. "yeah, right. like i listen to you. it's not like i'm gonna hurt her. at least not that i plan to anytime soon." chris rolls his eyes at this, knowing matt's reputation.

"angel's gonna fall for you. y'know that. you're gonna fuck her and leave. i know how you are, matt. you can't do that to her." matt quickly defended himself. "you don't know shit about me, chris. we might be brothers, but you don't know how my mind works. i might be a piece of shit, but i'm not gonna hurt her."

"whatever." chris rolls his eyes and walks away from matt. matt makes his way to nick's room. "c'mon angel, let's go to my room." you nodded, getting up off of nick's bed, and walking out. matt showed you to his room, closing the door.

he fell onto his bed, dragging you with him. you got comfortable next to him, getting under his blanket. he kissed your lips softly, which you reciprocated. his hand rubbed your covered hip softly. he pulled his lips away from you, rubbing your cheek. "m' not gonna do anything else with you, tonight. i wanna keep your innocence a bit longer."

you nodded at this, kissing his lips once again. after a bit, he pulled away again. "y'sleeping over?" you hummed, nodding. "yeah, my parents are out of town. i don't have any extra clothes though." he shook his head, standing up and walking to his dresser. "here. wear some of my clothes." he handed you a clean shirt and some of his boxers. he turned around as you begin changing.

"im done." he turned back around, smirking at the sight of you in his clothes. he grabbed your dress, throwing it into his hamper, making a silent reminder to wash it and give it back.

he leaned back down next to you, and you rested your head against his shoulder. he let his hand fall onto your back, rubbing it softly. he noticed your breathing get slower over time as you fell asleep, and he allowed himself to sleep too.

sure he was a dirtbag, but he didn't want to hurt you.

@muwapsturniolo @lovergirl4gracieabrams @m4ttg1rl @lypsiiii @tyummyz @sturniqlo @emely9274 @shadowthesim @mattsobvimyfav @sturnl0ve @wastelandzella @fallininlust @chrisslut04 @angeliijay12-blog @sophand4n4 @vainilladollie @slutforchrissturniolo2 @ncm9696 @snoopychris @sofieeeeex @chr0mehrts @cockettechris @iloveduckssm @stvrnioloslvt @sturn777 @priscillaog @allylovescody @sturniolo101 @mattybsgroupie comment to be added or removed.

[tthoughtdaughter]

bad habits.

pairing: dealer!ellie x reader.

summary: when you were a kid you had always put a pillow or a big stuffed animal between your legs, you honestly felt comfort by it. but tonight you decided it was going to be somebodies head.

warnings: uh widely ellie giving head?, use of drugs, girls kissing 🤯, swearing, a little bit of dacryphilia, pretty self-indulgent i know its weird im sorry — MINORS DNI !!

a/n: just because the strikes ended does not mean you shouldnt stop posting about palestine!

———————

you were helpless, depressed even. being locked up in your dorm for god knows how long. your friends had been nagging you about various parties on campus, you simply just left them on read, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the party.

it wasnt until now that you had decided to go. not because you wanted to, you were going against your own will.

your friends, isabella, mattie and thea were forcing you out of your dorm because the state you were in right now was just honestly disgusting.

you were packing a bag to go over to isabellas house because they werent letting you stay in that dorm for a minute more, when thea said. “youve been stuck in here for forever, we havent seen you in awhile, we miss you girl.”

you sighed, reaching over to your closet to find an outfit appropriate for tonight. “look i know, things just havent been the best right now.” you didnt bother to look back because you know all thats going to be written on their faces will be pity.

“can you guys help me pick an outfit atleast?” they squeal, marching over to you before yanking you out of their ways.

mattie held up a dress, it was pink, delicate, something you would were on a picnic.

“dude, thats so basic.” isabella called out from the side, rolling her eyes at matties choice.

“i dont wear stuff like this— how would i fucking know?” she huffed.

“calm down guys, why dont we let ms depresso give us an idea of what she wants?” thea shouts over the teo annoyingly loud girls.

“i— depresso? seriously? not even funny.” you roll your eyes before pulling up pinterest on your phone, you always managed to find decent outfits off of the app.

you typed in ‘party outfits aesthetic.’ before you landed on something similar you had in your closet.

the outfit had a mini, mini, mini, mini black skirt paired with a black lettuce-cut, corset bralette looking thingy and just below that, knee-high boots. you admit it, you looked hot as fuck.

“damn girl, if i were gay id definitely hit you up.” way to go isabella, way to go.

“oh please youre totally into girls, youre acting like you dont eye that dina girl everytime we walk around her area on campus.” mattie adds.

isabella did everything in her will power to ignore the comment, but she couldnt help but blush.

the look of approval shot around the room was hilarious and you all burst out into laughter. you really havent felt this good in awhile.

quickly memorising the girl mattie had mentioned before, you could remember she would always be hanging around with someone else.

“hey, any of you know the girl dina hangs with? i cant think of her name.” you think hard, like really hard, you knew the girl was attractive from all the times you had seen her since isabella coincidentally hung there too.

“yeah, her names ellie, i buy from her sometimes. why, you got the hots for her?” thea teases.

“just shut up and give me her insta.” you roll your eyes, playfully shoving the girl as the two others made ‘oooooh’ sounds.

“fine, just give me a second.” thea whips out her phone and starts going through her following. she clicks on a profile and holds the phone up to you so you could get a good look.

her account was private, by the looks of it she had a batman smoking weed profile picture? interesting.. her user was ‘@ellieisawesome327.’

sounds like a name some 5 year old would put on secretly. “oh, interesting.” you couldnt help but giggle, she obviously wasnt the best at using this stuff.”

you pulled out your phone and searched for her user, you didnt follow it just yet, you thought it would be creepy since she didnt know you at all. you simply just kept the name in the search bar, ready for when you actually want to follow her.

———————

a few hours had passed and you all had gotten done up, makeup, hair, outfits, everything you would do before a party.

“whos car we taken’?” mattie asked. you and the others looked at her like she was some idiot.

“theres only one car in the driveway, take a guess numbskull?” thea pointed out, mattie pouted.

“rude.” she huffed. turning around to scroll on tiktok.

you were sitting on the bed, getting comfy since the party wasnt for another hour, when you spotted one of isabellas pillow. you had put it between your legs, you found some comfort in doing that ever since you were a kid, it was a weird and bad habit.

“whatre ya’ doin silly?” isabella pointed out, she sort of new you had this weird habit of putting things between your legs.

“getting comfy, what does it look like?” you roll your eyes, scrolling through your instagram feed.

“if you actually want something between your legs, try and get head tonight.” isabella added. it was a harmless joke, your group had always joked like this. you toned out the muffled giggles in the back thinking if you should actually get laid tonight.

it had been awhile since you had had sex, and it was getting annoying hearing everyones ‘wild’ stories.

you tool the pillow out from between your legs and threw it back into its position it was in before.

“you guys think we should get going? the parties in twenty minutes.” thea said. you all nodded and got up from your positions to march off to the car.

the drive was ten minutes, you put on your group playlist, it was made for roadtrips you guys took every once and awhile. but tonight you just needed to hear something other then their voices.

you were all vibing to the music when it eventually came to a stop. you sighed and got out of the car, shivering as the cold wind hit your very exposed body.

everyone walked in, it wasnt exactly packed, but you hesitated and mattie noticed that.

mattie was the average femme grouped masc. the one to carry around the shopping bags when you went shopping kind of girl. she was sweet, there were times where you had found yourself harmlessly crushing over her. she knew you had a bit of anxiety and offered you some of her meds before leaving but you kindly declined.

now obviously regretting your decision, she gripped onto your hand and squeezed it tight, for reassurance. you smiled and walked in with the others.

———————

it had been 2 hours and the group had split, isa probably off eating dinas face off, mattie chatting with some of the guys from a basketball team she had played against when faking being a guy as a dare, and thea off buying or even selling drugs. you were sat on a dusty old couch, not exactly wasted but definitely not sober.

you hadnt noticed you were sitting next to the girl whos instagram you were stalking earlier. but the realisation hit when you smelt weed from her direction.

she was very obviously eye fucking you, she wasnt even shy about it, it couldve been the weed that was in her system or she was wildly bold.

“hey?” you started off your soon long to be conversation.

“hi.” she was caught off guard when she realised you were talking to her.

“ellie right?” she nodded and you exchanged your name to her, along with numbers. you sat back further into the couch, parting your legs a little giving her a slight view of what was under you skirt. you enjoyed the fact that she was looking. a little smirk appeared on your face and she didnt notice it.

“my friend thea buys from you right?” she snapped her head up to look into your eyes. you noticed the green in her eyes under the blue hue of the lights in the room. she nodded,

“yeah why? wanna buy from me?” you shook your head.

“kinda tight on money right now, i would though.” you sighed, resting your head on your hand.

she thought for a minute. “ill share a blunt with you, only coz’ youre cute.” she winked and you blushed.

“oh, thanks..” you stare off awkwardly waiting for her to light it, she was wondering if she made you uncomfortable.

“s—sorry, didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.” you shook your head a smiled before she handed you the joint.

you took a puff and handed it back to her, waiting a bit before exhaling. you noticed she was manspreading. then you noticed she didnt quite look like any other girls that were at the party, very masculine. is she lesbian? no surely not, maybe she just likes being comfortable.

ellie was wearing a worn-out jacket, joels. she wore it everywhere she went.

she caught you staring at the position she was in, fighting the urge to spread them further. you noticed she was holding back from something and looked up at her, oh shit she caught you.

a shit eating grin was plastered on her face. “you ‘kay?” she asked, the same smug expression written all over her face.

you nodded and took the blunt out of her hand. you were blushing under the dim lights in the corner, the rest of the place was filled with colourful lights changing every second.

she started blushing too, she didnt know why. you looked up to her with parted lips. the high kind of kicking in now.

“can i.. kiss you?” you asked softly. you regretted that so hard, fuck fuck fuck she probably doesnt like girls..

she moved closer, draping a hand over your shoulder. “thought youd never ask.” she smirked before smashing her lips onto yours.

the kiss was hungry, like she was desperate for something, you couldnt quite place your tongue on it. the only thing placed on your tongue right now was hers. you kissed her back with just as much passion.

the moans you let out were absolutely pornographic. ellie knew she had to do something about this, stopping the kiss whilst you let out a whine from the lack of attention.

you were borderline wet, like waterpark wet, and it wasnt helping that you were wearing a flimsy skirt that had rode up in the process.

“cmon’ princess.” she took your hand, you felt a bit clumsy for some reason, dizzy, your head was foggy, only thinking about how good she tasted.

you followed her around as she knocked on various locked rooms. finally breaking one open, she slammed it shut, locking it and pressing you up against it. not to hard though, wouldnt wanna hurt your pretty little head.

“fuck, youre so goddamn hot.” she mumbled between kisses. you couldnt help but moan at how turned on she made you feel.

she pushed her knee up between your thighs and you shivered, grinding down onto it. chasing the very needed friction.

you wondered how such an innocent question like ‘can i kiss you?’ turned into you riding on her knee.

“els’, please..” that shit eating grin reappeared on her face and you just wanted to smack it right off, you rolled your eyes. your words and wetness only boosted her ego more.

“please what baby?” she teased. why was she teasing you? you couldnt take it. tears started bubbling in your eyes.

“please just— fuck me.” you mumble out. she liked the sight of you crying, so desperate for her. she was going to tease you more before you actually got what you wanted.

“what was that?” she smirked.

you looked up at her through teary eyes. “can you, uh— go down on me? please?” you were begging, that was a sight.

she pulled you over to the bed, through the dimly light room. “strip.”

you did as she said, it wasnt hard to take off your clothes since there was barely anything on you. first your top, leaving you in a skimpy black lacy bra to match your underwear. then came the boots and skirt.

finally, leaving you in a two piece set. she was waiting patiently for you to take them off. you dont know why you were so hesitant, maybe it was because you hadnt done this in awhile, or maybe it was because her stare was so intense it made your stomach do flips, distracting you from the easy task.

she walked over to help you since you couldnt finish what you had started. “d’ you want this?” you nodded painfully slow.

she peeled off your underwear, holding them up to get a good look before back down to your now bare cunt. it was dripping at the sight of her.

“s’ wet for me princess.” she smirked once more, if she smirked anymore her face would probably get stuck like that.

then came the bra, she asked you to turn around so she could unclip it, she was slightly struggling since she wasnt used to these fancy bras, only because she wears a sports bra.

you giggled and reached your arms behind you to take it off, turning around to leave her ogling at the sight of you.

“youre so beautiful.” you blushed, hard. she looked up at you for some sort of reassurance and you nodded.

a minute ago she was so dominant and now shes sweeter than a cookie. you adored that.

she reached her hands out to cup your tits, so soft, she thought. squeezing them and pinching your now hardened, pebbled nipples.

she elicited a moan out of you. you sat back on the bed for comfort and she dived into them. sucking harshly on your tits.

you couldnt tell if you hated it or loved it, your monas were telling her otherwise.

she left purple marks all over your neck, tits, stomach, anywhere she could mark really. you were huffing, all you needed her to do was touch you down there.

“patience baby.” she replied to your subtle huffs. you rolled your eyes, pleading with your body language as you rolled your hips into nothing.

her head moved down slowly, taking time with your body as if you werent some one night stand. did she actually like you?

she kissed all over your stomach and you felt giddy, you were giggling at how it tickled.

the she dipped her head low, taking in how soaked you were. the whole time you had been rubbing your thighs together. any subtle touch made you go crazy.

she fully dived in, and you moaned her name out, loud enough to here over the booming music. “e-els!” she teased your clit with her tongue, licking a stripe down, giving your clit kitten kisses.

her tongue reached places your fingers couldn’t surprisingly. you couldnt stop panting. it felt like heaven.

your vision was going blurry, white, if the coil in your belly bubbled anymore it was going to snap. “ellie.. i—im gonna!..” she moaned into your pussy, sending hypnotising vibrations into it.

“i know baby, come for me.” those words was the thing that snapped the bubbling coil.

you felt hot slick pool out of you, she lapped up all she could, almost overstimulating you. you were panting.

she got up and laid beside you, toying with your plush tits. you could almost fall asleep right then and there.

“alright,” she patted your thigh. “i gotta get going, heres my number though.” she pulled out a random piece of paper from her pocket and a pen. had she been preparing for this? you thought. she handed you the note like a little kindergartener and put her shirt back on.

you had the sudden urge to shove a pillow between your legs, whining from the loss. you fought back everything in you to shove the pillow that was staring at you between your legs. you watched ellie leave,

she left you on the bed looking back at you to smile before closing the door behind you. you eventually got up and put your clothes on, walking over to the bathroom that was in the small room to fix up your hair and makeup.

you realised your hand was still clutching that little piece of paper. you looked at it and read it slowly, still regaining composure.

‘**** **** **** **** message me ;) x’

you probably werent going to message her, but just incase, you slipped the note into your purse and walked out of the room going to look for you friends to take them home, luckily ellie had sobered you up.

———————

a/n: im sorry the ending actually sucks i was getting sick of this and i needed to get it out of my drafts. should i turn it into a series were reader actually messages ellie? idk.

[julilovesyou444]

my first ~ tom kaulitz

background ~ love confession that leads to something else, all from Tom’s point of view.

warnings ~ no proofreading, mentions of drinking, mentions of smoking, smut, p in v, praise, oral fem receiving, breeding ig? idk tbh but it’s naughty sooooo🙉🙈 be prepared LMAO

a/n ~ heres a small blurb, writers block is going insane rn. also someone called my writing “corny” or something… like if you don’t like it, then DONT READ‼️what do u want me to say? sorry??? nah. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME EVER WRITING ANYTHING LIKE THIS BESIDES HEAD SO PLS BE NICE IDK WHAT IM DOING. I learned everything from here and wattpad so don’t blame me😓 thanks for the love too

~

I was sitting on some raggedy couch, girls practically throwing themselves at me. we had finished a concert about an hour ago, and i insisted that we partied to celebrate. I had no idea I’d be so miserable. I slowly sipped my drink, looking around. girls were saying all kinds of things to me, touching me, but they were all so incoherent. I didn’t care about them right now. I couldn’t focus on them while I was looking for her.

my eyes continued their search throughout the crowded room until they found what they were looking for. there she was. standing off to the side, drink in her hand, smile on her face. bill and I had met her right before we started our band. she had always been so close with bill. i had been so jealous of that. i wanted to be as close to her as she was with bill, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let myself. the feelings she made me feel were so unfamiliar, and they scared me. I hated not being in control, and whenever I was around her, I lost complete control over myself and my thoughts.

she looked so beautiful, tonight. of course I would never tell her that. it wasnt my place. we didn’t talk to each other like that. even though I wish we did, at least sometimes. I adored how her clothes hugged tightly to her figure and how confident she acted without being cocky. bill had invited her on tour with us. I was reluctant, I didn’t know how I would feel with her being with us all the time. but I didn’t want to be the only one to object, so I accepted.

it was always fun with her, she knew how to electrify a room and light it up instantly. i avoided time alone with her. I hoped she didn’t think I was doing it because I didn’t like her. i just got… nervous.

I watched her from the couch until her eyes connected to mine. I thought she would look away, but she didn’t. She brought her cup to her mouth and took a slow sip, her eyes never leaving mine. the lights from the party flashed in her eyes, making them sparkle as if diamonds were encrusted in them. I could stare into them all day. I couldn’t read the look on her face. I couldn’t tell how she was feeling about this; about me.

Some random girl shoved my shoulder, causing me to look over.

“Can you stop being so boring? I think i might get another drink…”, she complained and slurred , clearly drunk. I rolled my eyes and sat her on the couch, getting up as I did so. My back was turned to the party and I tried to get this hammered girl to calm down. Eventually, I was able to get her to just chill out on the couch. I turned around, wanting to see if she was still watching me. To my disappointment, she was gone. I looked around. I looked around the party some more, and again, and again.

“where the fuck did she run off to?”, i muttered to myself, slowly turning myself in a circle, trying to locate her possible location. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her.

That’s when my eyes landed on a set of stairs that led upstairs. I walked over, randoms saying hi to me as i did. music was blaring and the room had cans and solo cups lining the floor. it reeked of bad weed and alcohol. I made my way to the top of the stairs. I came at a stop when I got to the upstairs. it was still loud, but definitely not as loud as it was downstairs. there was a single long hallway, lined with tall doors, and at the end of the hallway was a big bay window that faced the back of the house. no lights were turned on, but the moon shone brightly and dimly lit up the corridor. I saw her, sitting down on the little cushions by the window, gazing out. she didn’t know I was here with her. the moonlight danced on her skin, illuminating her so perfectly.

I walked slowly over to her. As soon as I came in her eyesight, I noticed she was a bit startled, but relaxed when she saw it was just me.

she gazed back up at the night sky, the millions of stars reflecting onto her pupils. she looked so ethereal with the moon light dancing on her skin.

“the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”, she softly asked, as she interrupted my thoughts. she looked over at me with the sweetest smile.

I wasn’t even looking at the moon, just at her.

“Very…”, I mumbled.

She smiled at me and looked back towards the window.

“What are you doing up here? I thought you were enjoying yourself.”, she said. I scoffed.

“I usually enjoy these parties, but tonight, I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it I guess.”

“Really? You had so many girls all over you… I would’ve thought that you’d be in heaven.”, she laughed. I smiled and shook my head a little.

“I don’t know what’s going on with me… I just didn’t want them like I usually would’ve.”, i shrugged.

“Is anything bothering you?”, she asked, looking genuine.

“the tom I know would never not be enjoying the fact that so many girls were all over them.”, she added.

“I don’t know… it’s just that, I’ve been dealing with some shit and I don’t know how to handle it.”

“maybe if you tell me, I can help. I know we aren’t like best friends or anything but you know I’m always here for you, right?”, she asked, looking up at me and placing her hand on my arm.

“yea, yea, I know… I think it’ll feel good to finally tell someone. I know a lot of the times I get perceived as a guy who only likes girls for things like sex and their bodies, and to be honest, it’s somewhat true. there’s just this one girl, this one girl, that I like way way way more than that, and I don’t know what to do or how to tell her.”, I vented.

“does she like you back?”

“that’s the thing… I don’t know.”

“oh, c’mon Tom, everyone likes you, im sure she does too.”, she tried to reassure me.

“you think?”

“positive. uh… sorry if this is invasive or something, but who is this girl? just curious…”, she said quickly. I cocked my head and smiled at her curiosity.

“Why do you wanna know?”, i asked.

“Um… nevermind, forget it. I don’t know why I wanted to know…”, she looked away from me.

“well i can tell you something about her…”, I started. I decided it was now or never. I had a feeling that my feelings were mutual.

“Hm?”, she said, looking back to me. I leaned down and let my mouth hover by her ear.

“she’s standing right in front of me.”, i said, just above a whisper. I could feel her tense up. I looked at her face. her eyes her wider and her mouth, slightly agape.

“what?”, was all she said. I stood up straight.

“You heard me.”, i said.

“you can’t just say that and not say anything else.”, she protested.

I shrugged.

“… are you being serious?”, she asked in a hushed tone. I looked over at her and was met with her big eyes.

“dead serious.”

“So you actually-”

“Like you? Mhm, yep, surprised me a bit too.”

She didn’t say anything and just stood there silent for a moment, processing everything I just told her.

“how does that make you feel, hm?”, I asked.

she didn’t say anything for a moment, but I watched her previous face turn into one of confidence.

“good, tom. it makes me feel good to know you feel the same way I feel about you.”

i smirked.

“you already knew that though, didn’t you?”, she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“pfft. Of course I did.”

~

I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind us. as soon as I turned around, she was all over me. she pulled me by my neck down to kiss her, and i let her. her hands moved to the sides of my jaw, pulling me in as if I could get any closer. I pressed my hands on the small of her back, bringing her body flush against mine. my hands found a comfortable position on her hips. we kissed so much, I felt I was floating. her hands roamed my body as we did, feeling my skin where-ever she could. I used my hands to back her up against the counter. I moved them to be under her thighs, and she quickly got the memo. I hoisted her up so she was sitting on the edge of the counter. this way, it was easier to get to other places i wanted to explore.

I pulled back admired her for a second. sitting on the counter, just waiting for me to come back. I couldn’t stay away for long.

I moved my lips to her neck, leaving little soft and short kisses all over. I began to lightly suck, and as time went on, I starting going harder. she gave me the exact reaction I wanted, her little gasps and panting motivating me to do more.

I traveled from her neck, to her collarbone, then to a little lower. my hands found the bottom hem of her shirt. I looked up at her.

“can I?”

she quickly nodded and that was all I needed to see. I took her shirt off.

I felt my breath get caught in my throat. she was wearing a small lacy black bra.

“holy…”, I breathed out.

i snaked my hands around her torso and unclasped it, never breaking eye contact.

“you’re so beautiful, y’know that?”, i said huskily.

“thank you.”, she said, blushing. she looked away from my eyes as I peeled the bra off of her.

“hey, don’t be shy now. I’ve always thought you were beautiful, always wanted to tell you that. I’m glad I can now.”, i said, reassuring her. she looked back at me and smiled. I kissed her, much softer and gentler than I had been. my hands made their way to her boobs, massaging them slightly. I felt her breathing pick up a little. I kept kissing her, but I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss at her reaction. i played with her nipples between my two fingers, simply trying to get a reaction out of her. I successfully did just that, little noises escaping her throat as I continued. I pulled away.

“you like that?”

her eyes were screwed shut as she fastly nodded. I looked at her body as I kept playing with it. she was so hot. so so hot. I was so turned on, just at the sight of her.

“I wanna take care of you. Can I do that?”, I asked, my hands tracing up and down her thighs.

“please.”, she said. i smirked. her desperation made me want to pleasure her all the much more.

“I don’t do this that much, but for you, I will. you’re special.”

she opened her eyes and watched as i moved down to my knees. I used to hands to ride her skirt up, and then placed them on her knees to slowly open her legs. I loved teasing her. she was wearing light pink underwear, heavily contrasting the bra I had just taken off. There was already a little wet spot on them.

“Awwww, you’re already so excited, princess.”, i cooed, my fingers lightly brushing over the spot. she breathed in quickly at the contact. she lifted her hips and let me take her underwear off. I stuck them in my back pocket and refocused myself on the sight in front of me. I feverishly left kisses on her inner thighs while mumbling praises to her.

“so…so… pretty.”, I murmured.

I kept getting closer and closer to the place she needed me to touch her most. I could tell she was getting needy.

I ran my fingers down her slit, collecting all of the wetness that had formed. i stuck them in my mouth and watched as her mouth fell open due to my actions. i put my head back in between her legs and started licking her clit. my hands were gripping her thighs, keeping them all the way apart. she gasped and threw her head back as I kept going. I used one of my hands to put one of my fingers in her. I looked up and saw her eyebrows knit together and her nose scrunched up. her mouth was slack and so many pretty noises were leaving. her one hand gripped the edge of the counter while the other one tangled itself in my hair. after a good couple minutes, I decided to switch it up and moved my tongue down to her hole and my fingers rubbed her sweet spot. this did things for her, and I could tell how much pleasure she was receiving. she started repeating my name, over and over again. I started to pick up the pace, and her moans grew louder. I was thankful for how loud it was outside, but I also wouldn’t have cared if people could hear us.

I felt her legs tighten around my head, and then begin to shake. her chest was heaving, up and down, uo and down. she kept telling me she was close, but it was hard to hear her because she was so out of breath. I kept the pace I had, fucking her with my tongue, as she rode out her high. as she came, I made sure to lock up every last bit. she managed to open her eyes and watch me as i did.

“you’re so hot.”, she panted out, catching her breath. I stood up, now wanting to get a little pleasure for myself. I took her off the counter and spun her around so her backside was against me. I lowered my head to her ear.

“you were so good for me, love. I love seeing you come undone, can we do that a second time?”, I asked, my lips pressed to her ear.

“mhm.”, she nodded, making eye contact with me in the mirror. with that, I bent her over the counter and unzipped my pants. I pushed her entire skirt up all the way so I could get a look at her entire ass. she was bent over, waiting for me. if I was able to take a picture, I would’ve. she looked so incredibly good. I didn’t think she knew how much I had dreamed for this moment.

I ran my tip through her fold, teasing her a bit. she was already wet from her previous climax, so I didn’t need to prepare her too much. I pushed myself into her, but not the whole thing. I watched her face in the mirror. she gripped onto the counter top, and her jaw was slack once again. I let her get comfortable before pushing myself in further, all the way until i bottomed out. she moaned, letting her head fall. I waited a moment for her to get used to my size before I began to steadily move. her head was still down, facing the counter. I used my hand to grip her chin and move her face back up. I started to move a little faster.

“I want you to watch yourself.”, i said. she started to watch all the faces I was making her do in the mirror, and I was going crazy over it. my eyes kept darting between her face and then down, to see myself pound into her.

“mmm, you’re taking me so well, baby. you’re being so good for me, right now.”, I groaned out. during the whole thing, she was a moaning mess. I loved it. I loved how vocal she was about how good I was making her feel.

my arm wrapped itself around her and found her clit again, rubbing figure eights on it. I watched the pure ecstasy spread across her. I kept going all the way in, and almost all the way out before pushing my length back into her at such a fast pace, I knew she would be a mess in minutes. I knew I would be too.

And I was right. after only a small amount of time, she was having trouble keeping her head up.

“Tom! im- im so close again-“, she cried out as I didn’t let myself slow down.

“I know baby, I am too-“

I let my other hand massage her ass, slapping it a couple times too.

I wasn’t lying when I told her I was close. I had been for a while too, but I was holding out for her. I felt the knot in my stomach keep growing and growing, but I could feel it starting to become undone.

“Tom- im, im coming-“, she panted out. her boobs bounced every single time I went in and out.

“me too”, my eyes screwed shut as reached my climax. I felt her reach hers right before me, her legs shaking and a string of moans in the air. that pushed me over the edge, and I felt the knot become completely undone. I groaned as I released into her, my seed dripping out of her hole. I rode out my high for a little, but eventually stopped moving. she was catching her breath.

I pulled over and quickly cleaned myself before zipping my pants back up. I grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned her up too as she resteadied herself. i insisted on helping her get dressed again, despite her saying she could do it on her own. I put her bra and shirt back on. we kept giggling as I did. high off of life. I had wanted to keep the panties i pocketed, but she begged for them back. they were her favorite pair. she put them back on and then readjusted her skirt and hair in the mirror. I leaned against the wall, observing as she did.

“I didn’t think i would ever tell you I liked you.”, I admitted.

“why not?”, she asked, still fixing her hair.

“I think I was too nervous… you know I feel like your the first real crush I’ve ever had.”

“awww, im your first???”, she joked around.

“yes, you’re my first.”, I rolled my eyes playfully. I crossed my arms across my chest.

she turned around and hugged me, placing her head on my chest. she was smiling so big at my confession. I loved her smile. I loved everything about her.

“it’s okay tom, you were mine too.”, she said.

“Wait what?”, I hugged her back with a confused look on my face.

“I’ve liked you since I was like nine, silly. that’s why I was always so close with bill and not as much as you, I was always too like scared to be around you because I had a crush on you.”, she confessed.

“Really??? How did I not know this??”, I asked, shocked.

“I don’t know, you’re just really oblivious, I guess.”, she teased.

I laughed and looked down at her.

finally, i got what I had wanted.

her.

[ilwonuu]

. '•.¸♡ sweet kiss ♡¸.•'

↴ hansol vernon chwe

‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡

᯽ summary- one of your not so close friends asks to be kiss you at one of your friends parties.

᯽ warnings- fluffy, kissing, some heavy petting, strangers ish to lovers, seokmin interupts, lmk what else!!!

᯽ authors note- happy birthday vernon!!!! i love him so much. (also look out for a seokmin fic today<3) lmk if you want another part/parts!!!! also so sorry about these fics coming out today i know it’s technically not late but i wanted to posted them yesterday </3

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you are currently sitting in the living room of seokmin’s party. you’re not having best time that you had intended. you quickly looking around for the boy. you feel a soft hand on your shoulder causing you to turn around.

“oh my gosh vernon you scared me!” you laugh at his straight face and the half smile he’s giving you. “sorry. i just saw you alone. where did seokmin go?” he asks you. you shrug in response. “i don’t know. i went to grab another drink and came back he was nowhere to be found.” you taking another sip of your drink.

“well if you wanted i can stay with you until you find him.” he smiles at you. you nod following him into the backyard of seokmin’s house. there isn’t many people out here. you calming down from all the energy inside.

“you seem tired.” he observes you as you sit next to him by the pool. “i am a little. i think the alcohol just isn’t my friend.” he doesn’t say anything for a moment. “i get that. a lot actually. i don’t really drink that much but i smoke. which is definitely worse in a way.”

he doesn’t say it in a jokingly way. you laugh anyways. his expression making it hard for you not to smile. “i like smoking too. drinking is usually fun. i just always get sick.”

“me too. that’s why i stopped. it’s lame plus weed is more fun. at least for me.” he pulls out his half smoked blunt. he lights it taking a couple hits before offering it to you. you smile at his gesture taking it from him. you take a few hits passing it back to him. “why haven’t we done this before it’s nice.” he has moved a little closer to you now. causing your face to heat up.

“yea i agree also you have pretty good company.” you lay your head back. he smiles to himself. “can i ask you something kinda um- bold?” you smile at his words looking up over at him again. “yea anything.” you mutter to him giving him a quick smile sitting up completely facing him.

“can i kiss you? i kind of- i really want to kiss you.” you don’t expect his words at first. you comply easily. wanting to kiss him now as well. “yea? okay-“ he moves so he his grabbing your face. he pulls you in slowly. kissing you softly. both of your slow kisses turning into desperate kisses.

his hand that was against your cheek is now moving down your body gently. he pulls away from your kiss. “is this okay?” you just nod pulling him back into the kiss. he lips are immediately moving with yours. he is his immediately addicted to your lips.

the two of you are completely forgetting about the other people outside with you. you guys don’t care. it’s just too good.

is this actually as good it feels in the moment? or are you just desperate? probably thoughts you shouldn’t be having while making out with him. i think you’re high is kicking in.

his hand is going underneath you shirt to the back of you bra. you pull away from the kiss. “is this okay?” he asks again. you take off your bra while keeping eye contact with him. you are pulling him back to kiss you whispering a quick. “yes vernon..” he smirking slightly into the kiss moving his hand to cup your breasts before the two of your make of sesh is interrupted.

of course it’s seokmin and all he can do is laugh. “you guys were about to fuck if i didn’t come over here im assuming?” he looks at you for an answer but vernon answers quickly. “um if she wanted but that’s not the point you left her for a while. she was looking for you..” he just smiles. “well im here now!! sorry was a bit distracted. i can still take you home y/n.”

you look over at vernon and then look at yourself and how unorganized you must look to them. should you go home?

you decided against leaving with seokmin deciding to walk to vernons when you two were ready.

“whatever you say. have fun!! use protection please!” seokmin hugs you before going back into the house. vernon is already rolling another blunt for the two of you. “i had fun tonight. i know you’re now leaving yet but i just wanted to say.” he looks away from you. you think his awkwardness was cute. too cute that is.

the barely had met the boy already knowing he wouldn’t be a stranger for you. everything about him was attractive. you had a hard time focusing. he was such a sweet boy. his lips, his lips were so sweet. his kisses were sweet and gentle against you. he never denied any of your kisses.

you wanted him so bad already.

[crushedsweets]

sorry if u have been asked this before, but how would you describe kate's personality? i just rrly love ur characterization of her :3

I actually DONT think I have been asked this before ?! SO IM EXCITED TO RAMBLE. Also Tysm anon ur a sweetheart.

Kate’s one of those characters that I didn’t know much about and only got invested in cuz my anons kept asking about her in my AU and eventually I got attached to the version I created . so in my AU, she's been a proxy since she was 13, is about 27 now. living in the woods for over a decade . LOL...

If I had to pick a handful of words to describe her personality in my AU, I think…. Awkward. Anxious. Aggressive. Avoidant. Quadruple A…LOL

Awkward on account of … the operator got her sick when she was around 13, and she’s been living in the woods since. Bound to make anyone bad at socializing. She’s really blunt and straightforward when she does decide to speak(not often), because she kinda lost whatever filter she might’ve had as a kid. Other people describe her as rude, but I don’t think she MEANS to be. Even if shes not saying anything, she just doesnt know how to reply to people when they say stuff. They make a joke and shes like mm. 

I hc that Kate has really bad generalized anxiety. Not in a shy stammering way, but in a “the worst possible situation is going to happen and I don’t know how to stop it” way. Overthinks, assumes that any sort of headaches means slendy is mad and gonna hurt her(even if it’s because she just hasn’t had water all day), starts freaking out because of it. The anxiety just makes her behavior kinda difficult, linking back to the awkwardness and the aggression.

SO WITH AGGRESSION. She believes everyone is out to get her. Partially because she’s willing to kill/hurt/maim anyone if it means slendy won’t hurt her, so she’s projecting her own lack of morals onto others. She’s killed lauren (technically the chaser, but kate blames herself), she’s helped ruin tim/brians lives, and she’s violently attacked her friends before. And of course, shes had to bear a lot abuse and torment from slendy (and masky/hoody/other creatures). Only natural that shes combined defense and offense 

WHIIIIIIIIIICH ALSO EXPLAINS THE WHOLE AVOIDANT THING. She has such awful trust issues, both with others and herself. Easier to just go hide in the mines and refuse to talk to people. 

BUT IN GENERAL, like if you meet her while tobys hosting a get together at the proxy cabin, she kinda just sits there. Watches. Shes selectively mute so chances are even if you talk to her, shes not replying. Some people think shes a bitch(jeff), some people think shes just shy(nina). I’d imagine poor eye contact, biting her nails till they bleed, just walking out if she doesnt wanna be apart of something, brutal honesty. Messy, disorganized. She thinks so much, so fast, so hard that all her thoughts are so jumbled that it kinda turns into nothing. Ask her whats on her mind and she doesnt even know. She’s kinda jumpy and skittish. 

I think my main thing is trying to find a balance between expressing her anxiety and coldness. She’s not like some cool badass chick, and shes not some shy cute thing. Shes really awkward and uncomfortable to be around half the time. LOL.

Also off topic but. Since i hc her to have such bad anxiety. AND i also hc her to have chronic migraines/pain in general. She smokes a lot of weed/eats edibles to calm herself down and ease her pain. might attribute to a lot of her behavior seeming kind of dazed, but she honestly doesnt act that differently. More relaxed . . . 

[gashotbox]

Ok I need you to hear me out in this fictional fantasy situation 🧎‍♂️(some dubious consent involved)

I am a lightweight when smoking, so I find the idea of people taking advantage of that kind of hot. But lately I've had this fantasy of going to a friend's house and getting high with them (they're obviously smoking more then I can handle) and their stomach gurgles a bit. They see me blush and have kind of caught on in the past that I might have a fart fetish. So they make a offhand comment about being lazy and not wanting to leave the room to fart because they are having fun, but also not wanting to smell it. I am decently high at this point, so I joke about them sitting on my face so I can take it instead and they go through with it. They sit on my face and start farting on me, and pull their underwear down and tell me to open my mouth. While this is happening they are hitting a joint and I'm hazy, but I open my mouth and they let a few rip in there. After about 20 minutes of this still going on things are feeling waaaay more intense mentally. They stop and look at my stoned ass and say "Aw are you such a lightweight that you're getting high off my farts? You look fucking floored" All I can do is nod and they sit on me again and keep going. And everything is both so calming and intense while they are farting barehole down my throat. They comment about how they are going to be gassy all night, and how I should stay over because there's no way I'm going to sober up enough to get home after being drugged by their farts. They even make an offhand comment about wondering how their shit might effect me like an edible, and I barely process this statement as their hole gapes open more and something solid hits my tongue. This is going to be a very long night.

this is like. so fucking hot. like im positively frothing at the mouth. so sluggish you’re practically swimming in their gas. being so glassy-eyed and hazy from the weed that you can barely do anything more than moan as they bury your face between their cheeks. sleepily mouthing around their putrid hole as they unload; literally just inhaling all their reeking gas like your oxygen because that’s all your body is even capable of doing.😵‍💫 them lazily pushing shit into your lolling mouth as they grunt and moan above you - and there’s nothing you can do about it?? do you even want to do something about it??? think about how nice and sluggish and compliant you feel.. isn’t it nice? now cmon.. just a little wider, baby..

[mattphobiia]

SMOKE SESSION.

we sat outside hiding behind the back of matt's car that was parked in the garage as we took turns passing over the joint while we updated each other on our lives. we were originally hanging out with matt and chris when they started bickering on about some crap we didn't understand and was stressing us both out.

"so, what's going on with you?" i ask, still holding the joint before taking a long drag, inhaling sharply as i watch the left over smoke escape my mouth.

"ill be honest, not much has been happening . just regular stuff with the channel, but everything is slow right now." he sighs, taking the joint off me before rolling his eyes, taking a deep puff.

"fair enough, but i mean isn't it so cool that we are just down here smoking weed? imagine if one of your brothers catches us! that would be funny."

"its not like its illegal, besides we are both twenty so we can do what we want."

"well, technically it is illegal." i add in before snatching it away from him as he gives me a death stare in response.

"did i ask you to be smart? you know what i meant, its not the end of the world." he huffs, leaning his head against the car. "you have to admit though, smoking weed here feels so surreal."

"couldn't agree more." i reply, laughing as i pass nick the joint again which was almost running out, but he declines.

"just have the rest, im already high enough." he laughs, and i nod before bringing it back to my lips. "honestly, life feels great when im high with you. you're an asshole sometimes, but so am i and thats what makes us best friends."

"well that was rude, but yes, i agree. we need to do this more often, but maybe with the others though because they might get mad if they discovered we smoked without them."

"i dont think matt will get that mad since he only smokes to calm his nerves, but chris would act like a big baby and have one of his little tantrums." nick laughs.

"nothings new with him then, what a surprise." i roll my eyes, both of us laughing to ourselves like maniacs. i always had the best times with nick, sober or intoxicated. he always made life seem less stressful and scary, like all my worries just disappeared for a while when i was around him. sometimes i questioned if he was secretly magic because my negativity goes away so fast i didnt know whether to believe if he was just cursing me or something, or a blessing. i think im just crazy.

MASTERLIST

a/n: something a lil different😛 also im just adding that this is not romantic whatsoever and only platonic (unless you identify as male and want to interpret it that way then go ahead but other than that no), i was also getting high myself when i suddenly got this idea so i wrote down a summary of what i was thinking and i dont actually write about nick much so i wanted to base it off him buttttt.... HOORAY! thank u all sm for all the support again i just appreciate u all so much like fr can i kiss u (jokes) i might write another lil series involving my boy matthew but nothing has came to mind yet so keep a look out;3

[m4sonn]

⋆｡°✩ ���I thought you knew”Part 1 ✩° ｡⋆

(Thx to @peachyponyboyy for a bit of help on this and @ac3ifix asked to be tagged in this!!! I made it WAYYYY too long so part 2 should come out tmrw at around 3:00 pm!!! Also plz tell me if you’d like to be tagged in pt2!!!!)

I gave a loud huff as I grabbed a handful of about four or five gummies from my container and placed them in two-bits hand, getting the same amount in mine and shoving them all in my mouth. Chewing them as I watched two bit just stare at them in his hand.

“Hey pone.” He murmured before speaking again. “Are they strong?” He asked as he hesitated. “This one’s a real’ strong, well it was. And then I built up a tolerance. But I think you could handle them.” He looked at me and then shoved them all in his mouth, making a small face as he chewed them. “These taste gross” he murmured through chews.

“Well yeah, jeez you’re acting like you’ve never done weed before.”

“I haven’t”

“What….?”

I looked up at him as he chewed the gummies, I then realized how massive of a mistake I had made. I had assumed two bit did gummies n stuff regularly, he just seemed like the type that would. This is the first time I’ve been so panicked in a while, I didn’t know how his high was gonna be. I had just given him five of the strongest gummies I’ve ever had. FIVE… I was in for it when Darry got back.

“What’s that look for? I thought you said I could handle it?”

“I did! But I thought you’d done stuff like this before!”

“Nah, I’ve never done weed or gummies or nothin’”

“WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT?! DUDE?!”

Two bit just gave a shrug as he finally swallowed the sticky gummies inside his mouth. “I thought you knew, I mean I’m with the gang almost 24/7 and I’ve never done weed or even smoked a blunt when you guys passed it around” he said nonchalantly. His total disregard for the situation kind of pissed me off but I didn’t have time to be mad in between the sheer terror I felt. Usually it wouldn’t be so bad since I was with him to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid but my real concern was the fact he had an open flask of whiskey he had been chugging down the entire time we’d been here. He had even ran to the store at one point to get more to refill. I was suddenly snapped out of my thoughts by two bit speaking

“Hey *chewing* when do these *chewing* kick in”

“They take a bi-“ I paused. I turned to him. I realized he had TAKEN TWO MORE OUT OF MY PACK. “TWO BIT WHY DID YOU TAKE MORE?!” “I wanted to see if it’d kick in faster.” He said as he looked at me, he attempted to sneak another one but bro is not slick. I snatched the pack away from him. “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE IM GON’ BE IN?!” I got up and started to pace around, I’m not sure if the gummies had kicked in or if I was really that anxious. “DARRYS GON’ KILL ME!! OH MY GOD!!—“ I was cut off by two bits fit of giggles, I had realized that they kicked in for him so I guess that anxiety was probably just them finally kicking in. I sighed and sat next to him, my face sitting in my hands. I then realized that the porch probably wasn’t the best place to harbor my now high as a kite friend so I stood up

“Hey, two, let’s head inside.” He let out another fit of giggles and then got up, his eyes slightly widening as he did but quickly mellowing out to half shut. “Woah dude I’m all woozy but like… In a good way.” He said with this dopey smile on his face. “Yeah, yeah, let’s go inside.” I murmured, he grabbed his flask and then walked inside behind me. I had to go back and shut the door since he didn’t, he flipped himself onto the couch and let his head lean back onto it. “Mmh… I feel all warm and woozy inside… it feels good…” I plopped myself next to him after turning the TV onto Mickey Mouse for some background chatter for him. “Mhm… it does that to ya buddy…” I murmured out softly, I was mad at him originally but I had calmed down cause of the high. I saw him get up and start walking to the kitchen. I followed him, making sure he didn’t fall or break anything. He started to search the fridge for something.

[mysteriouswaffles]

The year was 2010, I remember that night I was around 14,15 I had a dream when I was at my boyfriends house and we were watching a movie, that night he asked me if I wanted to spent the night I said yes, so texted my grandma letting her know that night I would be be him and be home by the morning, sometime just watching movies, shows.

Well then I was in middle school though i did have a boyfriend he was so cute, like a puppy lol but anyway going back to angel and I went slept together that night was so cold we so just chilled out at his house, watching things having a good time.

I did however write something in the past about my past experiences with him, and the things we've done, in this one I might do a little bit more innocent a ting bit

But I remember that night it was cold we cuddled up under the blanket watching some stupid things to pass the time, I turned over to close my eyes for a while but I ended crashing out he moved me towards the wall I liked sleeping up against the wall I don't know why, about 45 pass by and I wake up too see him pleasuring himself I asked him "what are you doing babe" he said" just watch me babe, give me your hand" he looked at me told me that I'm doing good.

After about 40,30 min of me helping him he tells me to take of my shorts and pull up my shirt, meanwhile he puts on R&B music that he knew I liked, starts off by kissing me rubbing on me. He closes the door, he grabs his tiny brown stick thing I'm like" oh that is weird but but smells amazing 😍"here babe take a hit" thinking to myself "oh shit is this really happening right now"? but I didn't question it I took it, took a hit first time smoking weed at 12 believe it or not but. it was like something I've never felt before, something I've never experienced before, something I've never.. Things I've never seen before, I felt like I was on a cloud and the music we had discovered at that time really really boosted my high the more and more I smoked the better I felt I calm, I felt like I can escape my reality from the hole I called "my prison" angel had knew the shitty lifestyle I had and that no one had cared about me other then my mom, grandparents etc. But my dad and his side of the family not so much, but I'm not going to get to much into that at this time.. The red eyes, the hunger, the high settled in my system i looked at him saying "I don't want to go home I want to stay with you forever" he told me "well when you are 16 then we can discuss that situation, and where your at okay babe but for right now baby, let's just enjoy this moment okay baby" with the words of comfort coming from him I said"okay babe"

I looked at me and said "I wanna try something with you" he grabbed my hips put me closer to him feeling me, moaning my "I love you Alex" (I'll leave my real name out) pulling down my underwear kissing me slowly running his hands all over my body telling me how beautiful I am, with angel as hard as a rock top of me wanting to fuck me I told him that I wasn't ready just yet but you can put it in my butt for right now "I understand honey" he said using something to lube up himself with so it won't hurt me as much he asks me "are you ready my baby"? I said "yes" before he out it in me he with my legs closed he puts himself between going up up my tiny kitty feeling me as he does so, I'm so high Im moaning so loud his parents are dead asleep, kissing my neck, leaving small hickies on my boobs, and later my legs getting nice and wet he now puts it me my nails digging in his skin, moaning telling him how good it feels. And all of the sudden we hear a door open and footsteps but we didn't think much of it. The door slightly opens I'm on all fours getting pounded by my boyfriend as high as a cloud I see his dad at the door through the smallest crack playing himself watching us have sex watching my boobs bounce. He pushes my head into the bed going harder and harder when he's about to bust he quickly pulls out and let's it all out on my body with his dad still at the doors and bust's at the same time cleans the mess before leaving the doorway.

After we're done we just smoked more, talkative through out the night naked, in bed smoking watching movies 🍿shows and later passed out.. Still naked

Pt. 2 stay tuned... 🥰

[kylejsugarman]

i know that Baby hates Halloween because of jumpscares and such but nobody says she and her family can't make their own version of Halloween! they would dress like ocean creatures, Baby would be a dolphin ofc! they will make ocean themed snacks and spend the day watching Finding Nemo and documentaries and drawing ocean stuff - Jesse and Baby activity, Demi would watch them and smile

they definitely have their own halloween fun that doesnt include the scary stuff!! its easy to fashion a little dolphin fin at home or just go (t-posing while holding a blanket) "im a manta ray" and if halloween falls on a less busy day, she might be joined in dressing up, but sometimes its more like (demi laying on the couch: im coral this year) (jesse laying on top of her: im coral also). the peanuts halloween special definitely has to play at some point during the evening, maybe even twice just to make sure they all have the chance to Soak In the Artistry on Display. its not halloween without charlie brown and snoopy. in addition to ocean snacks, there are DEFINITELY the halloween pillsbury cookies: their first halloween together, jesse was like "do u have those. those halloween cookies up here" and demi was like "?? what do u mean" and he couldnt think of the brand or like a way to describe it with words, so he just ended up desperately scribbling a circle with a little pumpkin on it and showing it to her like a goddamn police sketch, and she was like "OHH those!! yeah of course we have them!! :D" so after all that strife, they have to have them every year. they do low-key stuff all evening like drawing just to maintain a calm atmosphere (they dont live in a super busy area that gets a ton of trick-or-treaters or anything but baby is still pretty anxious on the day for reasons she cant articulate) until baby's relaxed enough to go right to sleep. "now ur an eel" demi says as they roll her up safe and swaddled in a blanket. once she's down, demi's like "do u want to watch a fucked up movie?? :)" and jesse's like (having war flashbacks to years of smoking the weed that makes u scared) "i might have to watch snoopy again, idk if i really Got it the first two times"

[lvxybby]

Music Ties (kurt cobain x fem! reader) (pt5) WARNING: talk of sex, talk of drugs,

the door to the apartment opened to reveal kurt. he was wearing his sonic youth shirt and some torn pants. i wore a sweater with some sage green cargo pants. my makeup was done nicely but not my best. just some eye shadow, eyeliner, foundation and concealer, and a hint of bright red lipstick. "sorry im not looking the best right now" kurt spoke rubbing his neck. "its ok, i know you have a lot of things on your hands anyways" i reassured him. he coughed a bit before moving out of the door frame and letting me in. his apartment was nicely clean and smelled fresh. like a spring morning. "hello" i heard dave's soft voice say. "good afternoon dave" i said waving and smiling. kurt shut the door and walked over to me. "uh ok...fuck what do we do first..." he said avoiding eye contact. "um...i dont know...get to learn more about each other maybe..." i said admiring the room. some of his guitars were on stands or on the wall. it was a very clean apartment. but i couldn't stop thinking of kurt. i couldn't stop thinking of his hands wrapped around my waist and pulling me into a deep kiss. but this was serious. it was work. i had to stay focused even if it seemed impossible. "ok that sounds good..." kurt said giving me a small smile. it was perfect. so pretty. i wanted to kiss him so bad. but i couldn't....i knew i couldn't...were just band mates and friends...nothing more....dave went to the kitchen and made him some lunch before going outside. we were alone. anything could happen. absolutely anything. me and kurt just stared at each other before kurt spoke. "uhm...tell me something about you i guess" the situation couldn't be any more awkward. "ok...i smoke weed..." i spoke fidgeting with my hands. "oh thats cool...may i ask why?" kurt spoke lifting his eyebrows. "well i have really bad anxiety and i overthink a lot of situations...or when i cant get something off of my mind...." i said putting my hands in my pockets. kurt may be a nice, calm, understanding guy but i still wanna look my best as if it was a job interview for a huge million dollar company. i want to seem presentable to him even though hes a laid back guy that doesnt give two shits what you do as long as your ok and not in trouble. i want him to notice me and run his hands up and down my body. i want him to strip me nude and fuck me until i pass out. i want him so so bad. but its not a want. its a need. i need him so bad. i need him to touch me. i snapped out of my short trance when he spoke again. "...same..." he said nodding his head to my statement. "i started when i was 13 or 14..." he continued. "15...." i said looking at him. "feeling a bit better after last night?" i asked "hm? oh yeah....thanks you helped out a lot even if it was just fetching my meds...it hurts so bad....and my back is so much worse...im constantly in pain. and my guitar doesn't help...it weighs so much and when i perform for hours my shoulder hurts and i get really sore...like now...." he said rubbing his shoulder. "awe im sorry..." is said looking at his blue eyes. "scoliosis sucks....i would do anything to have good health....absolutely anything" he said putting his arm by his side again. we talked a bit more and what my position was going to be in the band. soon it started to pour down rain and it was really bad. it was extremely loud, dark, and the roads were super slick. i couldn't drive in it at all if i wanted to. it was late at night. around 10:00. it was pitch black. you couldn't see your own hand in front of your face. "holy shit...thats some bad rain..." kurt said as he looked out his window. "i...i cant drive in that...i'll crash..." i said looking at kurt. "you can stay here for the night...i don't want you driving in that either...too dangerous" he said coming back over to me. i sat on the couch in between dave and kurt, they weren't gonna do anything. they're feminist. "well....wanna watch a movie?" dave asked flipping his long brown hair out of his face. "sure" kurt said before looking at me. i nodded my head in agreement. "sounds good"

[inkybinkyboink]

urinetown stoner headcanons

it's less than a month to the show and im going fucking nuts. i drove two and a half hours today on a whim. to pick up a toilet seat that my parents didn't need anymore for props. headcanons below the cut >:)

bobby: like i said, he's definitely eaten half a pan of brownies thinking they were normal. he spent an hour trying to scrub a stain off of the side of the amenity until he was told it was spray paint. then he walked to hope's place and started crying about stray cats and how he wanted to adopt them all. he slept for thirteen hours and refuses to admit the incident ever happened.

penny: made the pan of brownies. she does edibles sometimes to destress and decompress and can you blame her? penny on weed becomes the most anarchic, careless person in the best way possible. go piss for free. she doesnt give two flying fucks. the world sucks. commit crimes. just do it. see you in urinetown. bobby once asked her if he could have a raise while she was baked and she said yes and regrets it every single day.

lockstock: listen, ok. i have my heart set on the idea that lockstock is fully aware that his career and position in society is ultimately more of a detriment than it is an aid. i think that knowing this bugs him (arguably). that being said, i think he does smoke, if not for pain management then to fucking forget about how awful everything is. i think the people he's killed weigh on his conscious and smoking a fat j turns that off for a little while. that man will lay on the couch with a bowl of pretzels and watch whatever's on tv until he falls asleep.

barrel: the opposite of lockstock. he's convinced he's helping and maintaining order in society. he likes abiding by the rules. so when he bums a cigarette off of lockstock and it turns out to be a blunt, he immediately gets so paranoid. lockstock has to calm him down because barrel is being SO loud and bro we are going to get caught. like 30 seconds after he calms down and eats something, he passes the fuck out on the couch bc its some strong ass ptsd indica. he very begrudgingly acknowledges that it did make him feel better and that he did sleep well. now, sometimes, after a bad day, him and lockstock share a joint.

cladwell: bro smoked so much pot before the stink years but then he rose to power and imposed laws that made it illegal and thinks he's The Shit for doing it. everyone's fucking pissed he did.

hope: little becky offered her a very special tasting gummy bear once and it was some mad sativa. hope did not shut up. for three hours. all she talked about was how she missed bobby. and how spaghetti was so good. then someone put on cartoons and she was absorbed like an ipad kid on an 8 hour flight.

fipp: would not do weed now but has done it in the past. nightmare blunt rotation. he just talks about politics. and not the good kind. it's terrifying. get that man away from me.

mcqueen: same as fipp but he gets like. scared. i think mcqueen knows deep down that what he's doing is wrong, but he constantly ignores it, so when he's high all that bubbles to the surface and he gets really wishy-washy about what he's saying. honestly i think it would be really funny to watch.

little becky two shoes: rolls the craziest blunts. the tesseract joint isn't beyond her skills. got pissed when she found out she was pregananate because she couldnt smoke weed anymore bc she wants her kid to be healthy. little becky knows where to get the good shit. she's dealing like fucking jesse pinkman from breaking bad.

hotblades harry: same boat as becky minus the pregnant part. they have competitions for who can roll the best joint like it's a cup stacking contest. people bet money. that man has smoked more weed than you ever will. his house is almost constantly hotboxed. hotblades harry more like hotboxed harry.

bonus:

old man strong has taken some mad edibles for hip pain.

little sally is a child so shes not on this list but i will be damned if she doesnt constantly bug lockstock about the funny cigarette she saw him smoke once

after urinetown they still use the secret hideout but it's just for smoke sessions. it's just a blunt rotation. it's comfy now, they made it comfy. they added lights.

[psychiatricwarfare]

so i wanted to add to this from the perspective of someone with npd+asd because the above statements are absolutely correct

npd (for me) makes it so that any minor thing i do that i even perceive to be wrong or bad can cause me to spiral and crash, but that doesn't mean i shouldn't be held accountable for any actually bad actions i may have done or harm i may have caused

for context: i used to have full-on meltdowns, crying, hyperventilating, etc. whenever i made my fiancée upset (or any time they were upset in general) to the point where they would try to comfort me rather than letting me try to comfort them. luckily, this stopped about a year or so ago as ive been able to get much better at dealing with shame, rejection, etc. with the help of my wonderful partners. so here's some tips and tricks from someone with a disorder that causes my self-esteem and self-image to be entirely dependent on others' perceptions of me to not let anxiety blind you with tunnel vision or black and white thinking

1. only if you're comfortable with it, smoke a little bit of weed as needed. not too much as high levels of thc can cause increased anxiety in some, but low doses have been shown to seriously decrease levels of anxiety. it works wonders for me AND helps me to genuinely self reflect in a meaningful way that isn't just "i was totally in the right & they're totally in the wrong" or "im the worst person alive and i should just die now". do this at your own discretion, im not a doctor or anything

2. ask the person if you can have time to calm yourself down from the initial shock, panic, shame, rejection, whatever you may be feeling before continuing the conversation on what you can do to grow and be better. trying to listen to the ways you've been wrong while still in that initial headspace may lead to being defensive, dismissive, etc. (Do Not use this as a way to get out of having the conversation at all. that defeats the entire purpose of this step. you have to bite the bullet and take the hit to your ego/self-esteem in order to grow. building a wall to protect yourself from getting hurt will only stop you from growing. a goldfish can never reach its true potential if it's stuck inside a small bowl, and neither can you) once you've calmed down, go back to the person who called you out & ask for their constructive criticism

3. if you start to be overwhelmed again, take a deep breath, if you need reassurance that you're not evil for unknowingly doing harm you can say things like "i can learn from this", "i will grow as a person and i will do my best to not hurt/upset you again" if that's something that works for you. depending on the situation, you can ask the other person for reassurance. however, this one's a bit more tricky and should be used moreso for things like "what you said really hurt me, that's something im insecure about" or other such things. it should also not dismiss their feelings or be some out for the criticism. what you should say is very dependent on the situation, but things such as, "do you believe in me?" is not a great way to phrase that as the burden now falls on them to coddle you. rather, saying "thank you for telling me this" or "im glad you trust me enough to tell me how you feel" are good ways to reassure yourself and may give the other person an opportunity to give you that reassurance If They Want To but please remember, you are not owed it and they are not obliged to give it to you. however, if what they're saying is along the lines of "what you said/did was racist/homophobic/ableist/etc" then maybe skip this step altogether as that tends to make you sound like you care more about your ego than actually bettering yourself even if that isnt the case. in most cases however, it would actually just be better to deal with the shame in your own time in your own way, the burden of your shame should not be the responsibility of the victim in Any situation but especially not this one. if you are putting in the work to better yourself & are surrounded by people who support you, you will be given that reassurance down the line and your effort will pay off even if that pay off is simply being that better person

4. if you struggle with social cues, this is not the time to bring up your own qualms with the other person. if you really feel you must, wait until after the situation has been resolved. otherwise, the other person will likely view this as being dismissive of their problem and won't want to listen. it is also potentially a subconscious means of deflection, ime, it's better to wait a while afterwards to see if it's still something you want to bring up and not just your brains way of trying to shift blame. i know this can be especially difficult for those who suffer from rsd, but you have to fight that impulse. listen to them first, genuinely hear them out, and do what you need to do to grow as a person before bringing up your own concerns EVEN (and this is important) if it's related to or the cause of your actions. this can be done in a nice, respectful way if you wait your turn to speak and word it in a way that's not dismissive. (dismissive: well i only do [x] because you do [y] vs nondismissive: okay, i will try not to do that anymore and it would help me to do that if you could please do/not do this)

5. prevention!!!!! (this is primarily for anyone prone to anger issues or something that may cause an explosive emotion) ask for help beforehand!! ask them to tell you when something upsets them so you know not to do it again! tell them your triggers and what might result in a meltdown/panic attack/burst of anger/etc. it's much easier to be a good person when you're in an environment where you feel safe & happy, and minimising triggers is a good way to do that. ask them to be honest with you, make sure you can be honest with them when something is bothering you! ask them to talk to you when they notice you're getting to a point where you might blow up/meltdown/shut down/etc. and/or excuse yourself when needed

6. remember this mantra, it seriously helps me when im about to crash. "constructive criticism is GOOD, if i am a good person, then i will listen to genuine advice given to me in good faith. i will not assume the worst of others' intentions. i will take this criticism and i will grow from it. i am not bad. i am not evil. i am doing my best and my best will become better. i am not a rock nor a mountain, i am a seed, ready to grow more and more each day. criticism is the rain that nourishes me, the worms that eat away at the dead roots that i no longer need, the nutrients in the soil that add to what i am. i will grow and i will change for the better."

this advice will only work if you're willing to change and grow, though it may not work for everyone! this is just what works for me & hopefully others can take what they need and leave the rest. everyone on earth grows up with unhealthy habits or traits they need to unlearn, it does not make you evil or bad. what makes a person bad is remaining stagnant, never growing or changing for the better, never looking inwards and saying "which of these roots are dead and can become worm food and which of these need more love and attention so they can thrive?"

you are not an idle observer in this world, like it or not, you are an active participant and your words and your actions carry weight and meaning. you can not skirt by on "but im a good person" forever. listen to minorities when we say something is xenophobic, listen to people who say you've hurt them, watch out for those who wish to hurt or stagnant your progress and growth or for those who do will do that regardless of their intentions. the world could be a much more beautiful place if we all learned to listen to one another a little more rather than panicking at the first thought of not being perfect.

your past does not define you, what you do with it does

every post i see that's like "if you're scared of being like [bad person] that's means you're better than them and won't be like them" and it's like. lmao. my dad used to have crying sessions where he would confess his fear of being like his mother and causing me to grow up to hate him. usually after he did something fucking awful, to redirect the attention to his own pain. the girl who sexually assaulted me had panic attacks sometimes about the idea of maybe being a rapist, making it impossible to set sexual boundaries with her without her freaking out. whether you're afraid of being some kind of bad person has basically no bearing on whether you are that way