#so im going to go smoke some weed and calm down now

[crushedsweets]

sorry if u have been asked this before, but how would you describe kate's personality? i just rrly love ur characterization of her :3

I actually DONT think I have been asked this before ?! SO IM EXCITED TO RAMBLE. Also Tysm anon ur a sweetheart.

Kate’s one of those characters that I didn’t know much about and only got invested in cuz my anons kept asking about her in my AU and eventually I got attached to the version I created . so in my AU, she's been a proxy since she was 13, is about 27 now. living in the woods for over a decade . LOL...

If I had to pick a handful of words to describe her personality in my AU, I think…. Awkward. Anxious. Aggressive. Avoidant. Quadruple A…LOL

Awkward on account of … the operator got her sick when she was around 13, and she’s been living in the woods since. Bound to make anyone bad at socializing. She’s really blunt and straightforward when she does decide to speak(not often), because she kinda lost whatever filter she might’ve had as a kid. Other people describe her as rude, but I don’t think she MEANS to be. Even if shes not saying anything, she just doesnt know how to reply to people when they say stuff. They make a joke and shes like mm. 

I hc that Kate has really bad generalized anxiety. Not in a shy stammering way, but in a “the worst possible situation is going to happen and I don’t know how to stop it” way. Overthinks, assumes that any sort of headaches means slendy is mad and gonna hurt her(even if it’s because she just hasn’t had water all day), starts freaking out because of it. The anxiety just makes her behavior kinda difficult, linking back to the awkwardness and the aggression.

SO WITH AGGRESSION. She believes everyone is out to get her. Partially because she’s willing to kill/hurt/maim anyone if it means slendy won’t hurt her, so she’s projecting her own lack of morals onto others. She’s killed lauren (technically the chaser, but kate blames herself), she’s helped ruin tim/brians lives, and she’s violently attacked her friends before. And of course, shes had to bear a lot abuse and torment from slendy (and masky/hoody/other creatures). Only natural that shes combined defense and offense 

WHIIIIIIIIIICH ALSO EXPLAINS THE WHOLE AVOIDANT THING. She has such awful trust issues, both with others and herself. Easier to just go hide in the mines and refuse to talk to people. 

BUT IN GENERAL, like if you meet her while tobys hosting a get together at the proxy cabin, she kinda just sits there. Watches. Shes selectively mute so chances are even if you talk to her, shes not replying. Some people think shes a bitch(jeff), some people think shes just shy(nina). I’d imagine poor eye contact, biting her nails till they bleed, just walking out if she doesnt wanna be apart of something, brutal honesty. Messy, disorganized. She thinks so much, so fast, so hard that all her thoughts are so jumbled that it kinda turns into nothing. Ask her whats on her mind and she doesnt even know. She’s kinda jumpy and skittish. 

I think my main thing is trying to find a balance between expressing her anxiety and coldness. She’s not like some cool badass chick, and shes not some shy cute thing. Shes really awkward and uncomfortable to be around half the time. LOL.

Also off topic but. Since i hc her to have such bad anxiety. AND i also hc her to have chronic migraines/pain in general. She smokes a lot of weed/eats edibles to calm herself down and ease her pain. might attribute to a lot of her behavior seeming kind of dazed, but she honestly doesnt act that differently. More relaxed . . . 

[pir8]

not sure if theres anything more shameful and humiliating than having to drop out of a class because you are failing when all the coursework is objectively easy and youve learned half the material before anyways but you are just sooo unimaginably lazy and unprincipled you immediately dig a hole too deep to climb out of in time

[ellies1luvr]

dealer!ellie x reader

(head cannons)

based on the song daddy issues by the neighborhood

A/n: Im writing this on my notes app, have never written before but i fear if i don’t write this it will never be written😅 currently going though a situation ship and im very touched starved so that is wear this is coming from‼️

Idc if minors read

please give me feedback even if its not the nicest it is really appreciated!!

TW: erm lesbians, reader having daddy issues, casual by chappell roan mentioned, crying, panic attacks, anxiety, reader sits on ellies lap, weed, lmk if i missed anything!! no use of y/n‼️

Dealer Ellie who met you at a party having panic attack

Dealer Ellie who brought you back to a random couch at the frat party and gave you free weed to calm you down while having a meaningful conversations

Dealer ellie who drove you home and got your phone number

Now anytime you have a panic attack or anything close to one, you call ellie and she comes over with free weed/ holds your hand and comforts you the whole time

“hey pretty girl” “there you go pretty”

when you smoke to much shes there to ground you

“its okay baby i got you, your safe with me”

Soon after you both catch feelings, not telling each other because you don’t want to ruin whats going on.

You call ellie one afternoon asking if she can come over, shes really busy but you dont need to know that and comes over.

you both end up confessing your feelings and make out on the couch, soon you both fall asleep in each others arms

by the end of that night you and ellie are bound by the hip (i think thats how the saying goes?? idk) ellie always with you in someway or some form.

Ellie soon finds out about your attachment issues and fear shes gonna leave you in some way, (hints daddy issues😅) but that fear is soon subsided by ellie and her always with and doting on you

at the beginning of you and ellies relationship, you tried not to get too comfortable but as soon as you do, you are clinging to ellie all the time.

(deals, in classes, restaurants, idk but always touching ellie and ellie always with or touching you in some way)

Getting with ellie didnt stop all your panic attacks or anxiety, when bad panic attacks would happen you would sit on ellies lap with a tv show playing in the background, ellie lighting a blunt, lightly placing it between your lips watching you inhale and exhale

Dealer ellie making that collage dealer bank, would take you shopping all the time.

no matter what your style, hyperfem, on the masculine side, or neither she would spoil the hell out of you.

You and ellie dont have sex untill about a month into the relationship, deciding to take it slow

You and ellie rarely ever got in fights, (you being sensitive also hints daddy issues😅) would cry when ellie raised her voice at you, not trying to be manipulative in the way that anytime you two get in disagreements you cry, but when she would yell, yes.

“ellie that girl was flirting with you i saw it”

“babe no she wasnt”

“ellie please just stop dealing to her”

“babe its my fucking job to deal what do you expect for a dealer in a collage campus not to get hit on?!”

when she heard sniffles her heart immediately dropped realizing that she yelled.

safe to say that girl never got another ounce of weed from ellie again.

i feel like all of ellies past relationships were just “casual” but with you it was very different!

Red wine supernova by chappell roan is definitely her favorite song on rise and fall of a midwest princess (but she relates to casual 😅 the most)

The first time she took you to meet joel you cried bc your dad cut you off once he found out you were gay , and especially not a dad like joel

one time when you amd ellie once woke up early enough to make breakfast before classes, you started a playlist on you phone

Naked in manhattan by chappell roan started playing, you started dancing and ellie soon followed hugging you from behind kissing your neck

Suggestive

at party’s when ellies dealing, you would always be perched on her lap, facing ellie, counting her freckles

Ellie being ellie is horny when shes high, you being you are emotional when high but that doesnt stop yall from having heated moments when both of yall are high.

i feel like ellie would have Lunch by billie eilish playing when shes high and that always leads to a long (fun) night

thanks for reading dykes‼️

[tthoughtdaughter]

bad habits.

pairing: dealer!ellie x reader.

summary: when you were a kid you had always put a pillow or a big stuffed animal between your legs, you honestly felt comfort by it. but tonight you decided it was going to be somebodies head.

warnings: uh widely ellie giving head?, use of drugs, girls kissing 🤯, swearing, a little bit of dacryphilia, pretty self-indulgent i know its weird im sorry — MINORS DNI !!

a/n: just because the strikes ended does not mean you shouldnt stop posting about palestine!

———————

you were helpless, depressed even. being locked up in your dorm for god knows how long. your friends had been nagging you about various parties on campus, you simply just left them on read, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the party.

it wasnt until now that you had decided to go. not because you wanted to, you were going against your own will.

your friends, isabella, mattie and thea were forcing you out of your dorm because the state you were in right now was just honestly disgusting.

you were packing a bag to go over to isabellas house because they werent letting you stay in that dorm for a minute more, when thea said. “youve been stuck in here for forever, we havent seen you in awhile, we miss you girl.”

you sighed, reaching over to your closet to find an outfit appropriate for tonight. “look i know, things just havent been the best right now.” you didnt bother to look back because you know all thats going to be written on their faces will be pity.

“can you guys help me pick an outfit atleast?” they squeal, marching over to you before yanking you out of their ways.

mattie held up a dress, it was pink, delicate, something you would were on a picnic.

“dude, thats so basic.” isabella called out from the side, rolling her eyes at matties choice.

“i dont wear stuff like this— how would i fucking know?” she huffed.

“calm down guys, why dont we let ms depresso give us an idea of what she wants?” thea shouts over the teo annoyingly loud girls.

“i— depresso? seriously? not even funny.” you roll your eyes before pulling up pinterest on your phone, you always managed to find decent outfits off of the app.

you typed in ‘party outfits aesthetic.’ before you landed on something similar you had in your closet.

the outfit had a mini, mini, mini, mini black skirt paired with a black lettuce-cut, corset bralette looking thingy and just below that, knee-high boots. you admit it, you looked hot as fuck.

“damn girl, if i were gay id definitely hit you up.” way to go isabella, way to go.

“oh please youre totally into girls, youre acting like you dont eye that dina girl everytime we walk around her area on campus.” mattie adds.

isabella did everything in her will power to ignore the comment, but she couldnt help but blush.

the look of approval shot around the room was hilarious and you all burst out into laughter. you really havent felt this good in awhile.

quickly memorising the girl mattie had mentioned before, you could remember she would always be hanging around with someone else.

“hey, any of you know the girl dina hangs with? i cant think of her name.” you think hard, like really hard, you knew the girl was attractive from all the times you had seen her since isabella coincidentally hung there too.

“yeah, her names ellie, i buy from her sometimes. why, you got the hots for her?” thea teases.

“just shut up and give me her insta.” you roll your eyes, playfully shoving the girl as the two others made ‘oooooh’ sounds.

“fine, just give me a second.” thea whips out her phone and starts going through her following. she clicks on a profile and holds the phone up to you so you could get a good look.

her account was private, by the looks of it she had a batman smoking weed profile picture? interesting.. her user was ‘@ellieisawesome327.’

sounds like a name some 5 year old would put on secretly. “oh, interesting.” you couldnt help but giggle, she obviously wasnt the best at using this stuff.”

you pulled out your phone and searched for her user, you didnt follow it just yet, you thought it would be creepy since she didnt know you at all. you simply just kept the name in the search bar, ready for when you actually want to follow her.

———————

a few hours had passed and you all had gotten done up, makeup, hair, outfits, everything you would do before a party.

“whos car we taken’?” mattie asked. you and the others looked at her like she was some idiot.

“theres only one car in the driveway, take a guess numbskull?” thea pointed out, mattie pouted.

“rude.” she huffed. turning around to scroll on tiktok.

you were sitting on the bed, getting comfy since the party wasnt for another hour, when you spotted one of isabellas pillow. you had put it between your legs, you found some comfort in doing that ever since you were a kid, it was a weird and bad habit.

“whatre ya’ doin silly?” isabella pointed out, she sort of new you had this weird habit of putting things between your legs.

“getting comfy, what does it look like?” you roll your eyes, scrolling through your instagram feed.

“if you actually want something between your legs, try and get head tonight.” isabella added. it was a harmless joke, your group had always joked like this. you toned out the muffled giggles in the back thinking if you should actually get laid tonight.

it had been awhile since you had had sex, and it was getting annoying hearing everyones ‘wild’ stories.

you tool the pillow out from between your legs and threw it back into its position it was in before.

“you guys think we should get going? the parties in twenty minutes.” thea said. you all nodded and got up from your positions to march off to the car.

the drive was ten minutes, you put on your group playlist, it was made for roadtrips you guys took every once and awhile. but tonight you just needed to hear something other then their voices.

you were all vibing to the music when it eventually came to a stop. you sighed and got out of the car, shivering as the cold wind hit your very exposed body.

everyone walked in, it wasnt exactly packed, but you hesitated and mattie noticed that.

mattie was the average femme grouped masc. the one to carry around the shopping bags when you went shopping kind of girl. she was sweet, there were times where you had found yourself harmlessly crushing over her. she knew you had a bit of anxiety and offered you some of her meds before leaving but you kindly declined.

now obviously regretting your decision, she gripped onto your hand and squeezed it tight, for reassurance. you smiled and walked in with the others.

———————

it had been 2 hours and the group had split, isa probably off eating dinas face off, mattie chatting with some of the guys from a basketball team she had played against when faking being a guy as a dare, and thea off buying or even selling drugs. you were sat on a dusty old couch, not exactly wasted but definitely not sober.

you hadnt noticed you were sitting next to the girl whos instagram you were stalking earlier. but the realisation hit when you smelt weed from her direction.

she was very obviously eye fucking you, she wasnt even shy about it, it couldve been the weed that was in her system or she was wildly bold.

“hey?” you started off your soon long to be conversation.

“hi.” she was caught off guard when she realised you were talking to her.

“ellie right?” she nodded and you exchanged your name to her, along with numbers. you sat back further into the couch, parting your legs a little giving her a slight view of what was under you skirt. you enjoyed the fact that she was looking. a little smirk appeared on your face and she didnt notice it.

“my friend thea buys from you right?” she snapped her head up to look into your eyes. you noticed the green in her eyes under the blue hue of the lights in the room. she nodded,

“yeah why? wanna buy from me?” you shook your head.

“kinda tight on money right now, i would though.” you sighed, resting your head on your hand.

she thought for a minute. “ill share a blunt with you, only coz’ youre cute.” she winked and you blushed.

“oh, thanks..” you stare off awkwardly waiting for her to light it, she was wondering if she made you uncomfortable.

“s—sorry, didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.” you shook your head a smiled before she handed you the joint.

you took a puff and handed it back to her, waiting a bit before exhaling. you noticed she was manspreading. then you noticed she didnt quite look like any other girls that were at the party, very masculine. is she lesbian? no surely not, maybe she just likes being comfortable.

ellie was wearing a worn-out jacket, joels. she wore it everywhere she went.

she caught you staring at the position she was in, fighting the urge to spread them further. you noticed she was holding back from something and looked up at her, oh shit she caught you.

a shit eating grin was plastered on her face. “you ‘kay?” she asked, the same smug expression written all over her face.

you nodded and took the blunt out of her hand. you were blushing under the dim lights in the corner, the rest of the place was filled with colourful lights changing every second.

she started blushing too, she didnt know why. you looked up to her with parted lips. the high kind of kicking in now.

“can i.. kiss you?” you asked softly. you regretted that so hard, fuck fuck fuck she probably doesnt like girls..

she moved closer, draping a hand over your shoulder. “thought youd never ask.” she smirked before smashing her lips onto yours.

the kiss was hungry, like she was desperate for something, you couldnt quite place your tongue on it. the only thing placed on your tongue right now was hers. you kissed her back with just as much passion.

the moans you let out were absolutely pornographic. ellie knew she had to do something about this, stopping the kiss whilst you let out a whine from the lack of attention.

you were borderline wet, like waterpark wet, and it wasnt helping that you were wearing a flimsy skirt that had rode up in the process.

“cmon’ princess.” she took your hand, you felt a bit clumsy for some reason, dizzy, your head was foggy, only thinking about how good she tasted.

you followed her around as she knocked on various locked rooms. finally breaking one open, she slammed it shut, locking it and pressing you up against it. not to hard though, wouldnt wanna hurt your pretty little head.

“fuck, youre so goddamn hot.” she mumbled between kisses. you couldnt help but moan at how turned on she made you feel.

she pushed her knee up between your thighs and you shivered, grinding down onto it. chasing the very needed friction.

you wondered how such an innocent question like ‘can i kiss you?’ turned into you riding on her knee.

“els’, please..” that shit eating grin reappeared on her face and you just wanted to smack it right off, you rolled your eyes. your words and wetness only boosted her ego more.

“please what baby?” she teased. why was she teasing you? you couldnt take it. tears started bubbling in your eyes.

“please just— fuck me.” you mumble out. she liked the sight of you crying, so desperate for her. she was going to tease you more before you actually got what you wanted.

“what was that?” she smirked.

you looked up at her through teary eyes. “can you, uh— go down on me? please?” you were begging, that was a sight.

she pulled you over to the bed, through the dimly light room. “strip.”

you did as she said, it wasnt hard to take off your clothes since there was barely anything on you. first your top, leaving you in a skimpy black lacy bra to match your underwear. then came the boots and skirt.

finally, leaving you in a two piece set. she was waiting patiently for you to take them off. you dont know why you were so hesitant, maybe it was because you hadnt done this in awhile, or maybe it was because her stare was so intense it made your stomach do flips, distracting you from the easy task.

she walked over to help you since you couldnt finish what you had started. “d’ you want this?” you nodded painfully slow.

she peeled off your underwear, holding them up to get a good look before back down to your now bare cunt. it was dripping at the sight of her.

“s’ wet for me princess.” she smirked once more, if she smirked anymore her face would probably get stuck like that.

then came the bra, she asked you to turn around so she could unclip it, she was slightly struggling since she wasnt used to these fancy bras, only because she wears a sports bra.

you giggled and reached your arms behind you to take it off, turning around to leave her ogling at the sight of you.

“youre so beautiful.” you blushed, hard. she looked up at you for some sort of reassurance and you nodded.

a minute ago she was so dominant and now shes sweeter than a cookie. you adored that.

she reached her hands out to cup your tits, so soft, she thought. squeezing them and pinching your now hardened, pebbled nipples.

she elicited a moan out of you. you sat back on the bed for comfort and she dived into them. sucking harshly on your tits.

you couldnt tell if you hated it or loved it, your monas were telling her otherwise.

she left purple marks all over your neck, tits, stomach, anywhere she could mark really. you were huffing, all you needed her to do was touch you down there.

“patience baby.” she replied to your subtle huffs. you rolled your eyes, pleading with your body language as you rolled your hips into nothing.

her head moved down slowly, taking time with your body as if you werent some one night stand. did she actually like you?

she kissed all over your stomach and you felt giddy, you were giggling at how it tickled.

the she dipped her head low, taking in how soaked you were. the whole time you had been rubbing your thighs together. any subtle touch made you go crazy.

she fully dived in, and you moaned her name out, loud enough to here over the booming music. “e-els!” she teased your clit with her tongue, licking a stripe down, giving your clit kitten kisses.

her tongue reached places your fingers couldn’t surprisingly. you couldnt stop panting. it felt like heaven.

your vision was going blurry, white, if the coil in your belly bubbled anymore it was going to snap. “ellie.. i—im gonna!..” she moaned into your pussy, sending hypnotising vibrations into it.

“i know baby, come for me.” those words was the thing that snapped the bubbling coil.

you felt hot slick pool out of you, she lapped up all she could, almost overstimulating you. you were panting.

she got up and laid beside you, toying with your plush tits. you could almost fall asleep right then and there.

“alright,” she patted your thigh. “i gotta get going, heres my number though.” she pulled out a random piece of paper from her pocket and a pen. had she been preparing for this? you thought. she handed you the note like a little kindergartener and put her shirt back on.

you had the sudden urge to shove a pillow between your legs, whining from the loss. you fought back everything in you to shove the pillow that was staring at you between your legs. you watched ellie leave,

she left you on the bed looking back at you to smile before closing the door behind you. you eventually got up and put your clothes on, walking over to the bathroom that was in the small room to fix up your hair and makeup.

you realised your hand was still clutching that little piece of paper. you looked at it and read it slowly, still regaining composure.

‘**** **** **** **** message me ;) x’

you probably werent going to message her, but just incase, you slipped the note into your purse and walked out of the room going to look for you friends to take them home, luckily ellie had sobered you up.

———————

a/n: im sorry the ending actually sucks i was getting sick of this and i needed to get it out of my drafts. should i turn it into a series were reader actually messages ellie? idk.

[julilovesyou444]

my first ~ tom kaulitz

background ~ love confession that leads to something else, all from Tom’s point of view.

warnings ~ no proofreading, mentions of drinking, mentions of smoking, smut, p in v, praise, oral fem receiving, breeding ig? idk tbh but it’s naughty sooooo🙉🙈 be prepared LMAO

a/n ~ heres a small blurb, writers block is going insane rn. also someone called my writing “corny” or something… like if you don’t like it, then DONT READ‼️what do u want me to say? sorry??? nah. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME EVER WRITING ANYTHING LIKE THIS BESIDES HEAD SO PLS BE NICE IDK WHAT IM DOING. I learned everything from here and wattpad so don’t blame me😓 thanks for the love too

~

I was sitting on some raggedy couch, girls practically throwing themselves at me. we had finished a concert about an hour ago, and i insisted that we partied to celebrate. I had no idea I’d be so miserable. I slowly sipped my drink, looking around. girls were saying all kinds of things to me, touching me, but they were all so incoherent. I didn’t care about them right now. I couldn’t focus on them while I was looking for her.

my eyes continued their search throughout the crowded room until they found what they were looking for. there she was. standing off to the side, drink in her hand, smile on her face. bill and I had met her right before we started our band. she had always been so close with bill. i had been so jealous of that. i wanted to be as close to her as she was with bill, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let myself. the feelings she made me feel were so unfamiliar, and they scared me. I hated not being in control, and whenever I was around her, I lost complete control over myself and my thoughts.

she looked so beautiful, tonight. of course I would never tell her that. it wasnt my place. we didn’t talk to each other like that. even though I wish we did, at least sometimes. I adored how her clothes hugged tightly to her figure and how confident she acted without being cocky. bill had invited her on tour with us. I was reluctant, I didn’t know how I would feel with her being with us all the time. but I didn’t want to be the only one to object, so I accepted.

it was always fun with her, she knew how to electrify a room and light it up instantly. i avoided time alone with her. I hoped she didn’t think I was doing it because I didn’t like her. i just got… nervous.

I watched her from the couch until her eyes connected to mine. I thought she would look away, but she didn’t. She brought her cup to her mouth and took a slow sip, her eyes never leaving mine. the lights from the party flashed in her eyes, making them sparkle as if diamonds were encrusted in them. I could stare into them all day. I couldn’t read the look on her face. I couldn’t tell how she was feeling about this; about me.

Some random girl shoved my shoulder, causing me to look over.

“Can you stop being so boring? I think i might get another drink…”, she complained and slurred , clearly drunk. I rolled my eyes and sat her on the couch, getting up as I did so. My back was turned to the party and I tried to get this hammered girl to calm down. Eventually, I was able to get her to just chill out on the couch. I turned around, wanting to see if she was still watching me. To my disappointment, she was gone. I looked around. I looked around the party some more, and again, and again.

“where the fuck did she run off to?”, i muttered to myself, slowly turning myself in a circle, trying to locate her possible location. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her.

That’s when my eyes landed on a set of stairs that led upstairs. I walked over, randoms saying hi to me as i did. music was blaring and the room had cans and solo cups lining the floor. it reeked of bad weed and alcohol. I made my way to the top of the stairs. I came at a stop when I got to the upstairs. it was still loud, but definitely not as loud as it was downstairs. there was a single long hallway, lined with tall doors, and at the end of the hallway was a big bay window that faced the back of the house. no lights were turned on, but the moon shone brightly and dimly lit up the corridor. I saw her, sitting down on the little cushions by the window, gazing out. she didn’t know I was here with her. the moonlight danced on her skin, illuminating her so perfectly.

I walked slowly over to her. As soon as I came in her eyesight, I noticed she was a bit startled, but relaxed when she saw it was just me.

she gazed back up at the night sky, the millions of stars reflecting onto her pupils. she looked so ethereal with the moon light dancing on her skin.

“the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”, she softly asked, as she interrupted my thoughts. she looked over at me with the sweetest smile.

I wasn’t even looking at the moon, just at her.

“Very…”, I mumbled.

She smiled at me and looked back towards the window.

“What are you doing up here? I thought you were enjoying yourself.”, she said. I scoffed.

“I usually enjoy these parties, but tonight, I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it I guess.”

“Really? You had so many girls all over you… I would’ve thought that you’d be in heaven.”, she laughed. I smiled and shook my head a little.

“I don’t know what’s going on with me… I just didn’t want them like I usually would’ve.”, i shrugged.

“Is anything bothering you?”, she asked, looking genuine.

“the tom I know would never not be enjoying the fact that so many girls were all over them.”, she added.

“I don’t know… it’s just that, I’ve been dealing with some shit and I don’t know how to handle it.”

“maybe if you tell me, I can help. I know we aren’t like best friends or anything but you know I’m always here for you, right?”, she asked, looking up at me and placing her hand on my arm.

“yea, yea, I know… I think it’ll feel good to finally tell someone. I know a lot of the times I get perceived as a guy who only likes girls for things like sex and their bodies, and to be honest, it’s somewhat true. there’s just this one girl, this one girl, that I like way way way more than that, and I don’t know what to do or how to tell her.”, I vented.

“does she like you back?”

“that’s the thing… I don’t know.”

“oh, c’mon Tom, everyone likes you, im sure she does too.”, she tried to reassure me.

“you think?”

“positive. uh… sorry if this is invasive or something, but who is this girl? just curious…”, she said quickly. I cocked my head and smiled at her curiosity.

“Why do you wanna know?”, i asked.

“Um… nevermind, forget it. I don’t know why I wanted to know…”, she looked away from me.

“well i can tell you something about her…”, I started. I decided it was now or never. I had a feeling that my feelings were mutual.

“Hm?”, she said, looking back to me. I leaned down and let my mouth hover by her ear.

“she’s standing right in front of me.”, i said, just above a whisper. I could feel her tense up. I looked at her face. her eyes her wider and her mouth, slightly agape.

“what?”, was all she said. I stood up straight.

“You heard me.”, i said.

“you can’t just say that and not say anything else.”, she protested.

I shrugged.

“… are you being serious?”, she asked in a hushed tone. I looked over at her and was met with her big eyes.

“dead serious.”

“So you actually-”

“Like you? Mhm, yep, surprised me a bit too.”

She didn’t say anything and just stood there silent for a moment, processing everything I just told her.

“how does that make you feel, hm?”, I asked.

she didn’t say anything for a moment, but I watched her previous face turn into one of confidence.

“good, tom. it makes me feel good to know you feel the same way I feel about you.”

i smirked.

“you already knew that though, didn’t you?”, she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“pfft. Of course I did.”

~

I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind us. as soon as I turned around, she was all over me. she pulled me by my neck down to kiss her, and i let her. her hands moved to the sides of my jaw, pulling me in as if I could get any closer. I pressed my hands on the small of her back, bringing her body flush against mine. my hands found a comfortable position on her hips. we kissed so much, I felt I was floating. her hands roamed my body as we did, feeling my skin where-ever she could. I used my hands to back her up against the counter. I moved them to be under her thighs, and she quickly got the memo. I hoisted her up so she was sitting on the edge of the counter. this way, it was easier to get to other places i wanted to explore.

I pulled back admired her for a second. sitting on the counter, just waiting for me to come back. I couldn’t stay away for long.

I moved my lips to her neck, leaving little soft and short kisses all over. I began to lightly suck, and as time went on, I starting going harder. she gave me the exact reaction I wanted, her little gasps and panting motivating me to do more.

I traveled from her neck, to her collarbone, then to a little lower. my hands found the bottom hem of her shirt. I looked up at her.

“can I?”

she quickly nodded and that was all I needed to see. I took her shirt off.

I felt my breath get caught in my throat. she was wearing a small lacy black bra.

“holy…”, I breathed out.

i snaked my hands around her torso and unclasped it, never breaking eye contact.

“you’re so beautiful, y’know that?”, i said huskily.

“thank you.”, she said, blushing. she looked away from my eyes as I peeled the bra off of her.

“hey, don’t be shy now. I’ve always thought you were beautiful, always wanted to tell you that. I’m glad I can now.”, i said, reassuring her. she looked back at me and smiled. I kissed her, much softer and gentler than I had been. my hands made their way to her boobs, massaging them slightly. I felt her breathing pick up a little. I kept kissing her, but I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss at her reaction. i played with her nipples between my two fingers, simply trying to get a reaction out of her. I successfully did just that, little noises escaping her throat as I continued. I pulled away.

“you like that?”

her eyes were screwed shut as she fastly nodded. I looked at her body as I kept playing with it. she was so hot. so so hot. I was so turned on, just at the sight of her.

“I wanna take care of you. Can I do that?”, I asked, my hands tracing up and down her thighs.

“please.”, she said. i smirked. her desperation made me want to pleasure her all the much more.

“I don’t do this that much, but for you, I will. you’re special.”

she opened her eyes and watched as i moved down to my knees. I used to hands to ride her skirt up, and then placed them on her knees to slowly open her legs. I loved teasing her. she was wearing light pink underwear, heavily contrasting the bra I had just taken off. There was already a little wet spot on them.

“Awwww, you’re already so excited, princess.”, i cooed, my fingers lightly brushing over the spot. she breathed in quickly at the contact. she lifted her hips and let me take her underwear off. I stuck them in my back pocket and refocused myself on the sight in front of me. I feverishly left kisses on her inner thighs while mumbling praises to her.

“so…so… pretty.”, I murmured.

I kept getting closer and closer to the place she needed me to touch her most. I could tell she was getting needy.

I ran my fingers down her slit, collecting all of the wetness that had formed. i stuck them in my mouth and watched as her mouth fell open due to my actions. i put my head back in between her legs and started licking her clit. my hands were gripping her thighs, keeping them all the way apart. she gasped and threw her head back as I kept going. I used one of my hands to put one of my fingers in her. I looked up and saw her eyebrows knit together and her nose scrunched up. her mouth was slack and so many pretty noises were leaving. her one hand gripped the edge of the counter while the other one tangled itself in my hair. after a good couple minutes, I decided to switch it up and moved my tongue down to her hole and my fingers rubbed her sweet spot. this did things for her, and I could tell how much pleasure she was receiving. she started repeating my name, over and over again. I started to pick up the pace, and her moans grew louder. I was thankful for how loud it was outside, but I also wouldn’t have cared if people could hear us.

I felt her legs tighten around my head, and then begin to shake. her chest was heaving, up and down, uo and down. she kept telling me she was close, but it was hard to hear her because she was so out of breath. I kept the pace I had, fucking her with my tongue, as she rode out her high. as she came, I made sure to lock up every last bit. she managed to open her eyes and watch me as i did.

“you’re so hot.”, she panted out, catching her breath. I stood up, now wanting to get a little pleasure for myself. I took her off the counter and spun her around so her backside was against me. I lowered my head to her ear.

“you were so good for me, love. I love seeing you come undone, can we do that a second time?”, I asked, my lips pressed to her ear.

“mhm.”, she nodded, making eye contact with me in the mirror. with that, I bent her over the counter and unzipped my pants. I pushed her entire skirt up all the way so I could get a look at her entire ass. she was bent over, waiting for me. if I was able to take a picture, I would’ve. she looked so incredibly good. I didn’t think she knew how much I had dreamed for this moment.

I ran my tip through her fold, teasing her a bit. she was already wet from her previous climax, so I didn’t need to prepare her too much. I pushed myself into her, but not the whole thing. I watched her face in the mirror. she gripped onto the counter top, and her jaw was slack once again. I let her get comfortable before pushing myself in further, all the way until i bottomed out. she moaned, letting her head fall. I waited a moment for her to get used to my size before I began to steadily move. her head was still down, facing the counter. I used my hand to grip her chin and move her face back up. I started to move a little faster.

“I want you to watch yourself.”, i said. she started to watch all the faces I was making her do in the mirror, and I was going crazy over it. my eyes kept darting between her face and then down, to see myself pound into her.

“mmm, you’re taking me so well, baby. you’re being so good for me, right now.”, I groaned out. during the whole thing, she was a moaning mess. I loved it. I loved how vocal she was about how good I was making her feel.

my arm wrapped itself around her and found her clit again, rubbing figure eights on it. I watched the pure ecstasy spread across her. I kept going all the way in, and almost all the way out before pushing my length back into her at such a fast pace, I knew she would be a mess in minutes. I knew I would be too.

And I was right. after only a small amount of time, she was having trouble keeping her head up.

“Tom! im- im so close again-“, she cried out as I didn’t let myself slow down.

“I know baby, I am too-“

I let my other hand massage her ass, slapping it a couple times too.

I wasn’t lying when I told her I was close. I had been for a while too, but I was holding out for her. I felt the knot in my stomach keep growing and growing, but I could feel it starting to become undone.

“Tom- im, im coming-“, she panted out. her boobs bounced every single time I went in and out.

“me too”, my eyes screwed shut as reached my climax. I felt her reach hers right before me, her legs shaking and a string of moans in the air. that pushed me over the edge, and I felt the knot become completely undone. I groaned as I released into her, my seed dripping out of her hole. I rode out my high for a little, but eventually stopped moving. she was catching her breath.

I pulled over and quickly cleaned myself before zipping my pants back up. I grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned her up too as she resteadied herself. i insisted on helping her get dressed again, despite her saying she could do it on her own. I put her bra and shirt back on. we kept giggling as I did. high off of life. I had wanted to keep the panties i pocketed, but she begged for them back. they were her favorite pair. she put them back on and then readjusted her skirt and hair in the mirror. I leaned against the wall, observing as she did.

“I didn’t think i would ever tell you I liked you.”, I admitted.

“why not?”, she asked, still fixing her hair.

“I think I was too nervous… you know I feel like your the first real crush I’ve ever had.”

“awww, im your first???”, she joked around.

“yes, you’re my first.”, I rolled my eyes playfully. I crossed my arms across my chest.

she turned around and hugged me, placing her head on my chest. she was smiling so big at my confession. I loved her smile. I loved everything about her.

“it’s okay tom, you were mine too.”, she said.

“Wait what?”, I hugged her back with a confused look on my face.

“I’ve liked you since I was like nine, silly. that’s why I was always so close with bill and not as much as you, I was always too like scared to be around you because I had a crush on you.”, she confessed.

“Really??? How did I not know this??”, I asked, shocked.

“I don’t know, you’re just really oblivious, I guess.”, she teased.

I laughed and looked down at her.

finally, i got what I had wanted.

her.

[ilwonuu]

. '•.¸♡ sweet kiss ♡¸.•'

↴ hansol vernon chwe

‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡

᯽ summary- one of your not so close friends asks to be kiss you at one of your friends parties.

᯽ warnings- fluffy, kissing, some heavy petting, strangers ish to lovers, seokmin interupts, lmk what else!!!

᯽ authors note- happy birthday vernon!!!! i love him so much. (also look out for a seokmin fic today<3) lmk if you want another part/parts!!!! also so sorry about these fics coming out today i know it’s technically not late but i wanted to posted them yesterday </3

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

you are currently sitting in the living room of seokmin’s party. you’re not having best time that you had intended. you quickly looking around for the boy. you feel a soft hand on your shoulder causing you to turn around.

“oh my gosh vernon you scared me!” you laugh at his straight face and the half smile he’s giving you. “sorry. i just saw you alone. where did seokmin go?” he asks you. you shrug in response. “i don’t know. i went to grab another drink and came back he was nowhere to be found.” you taking another sip of your drink.

“well if you wanted i can stay with you until you find him.” he smiles at you. you nod following him into the backyard of seokmin’s house. there isn’t many people out here. you calming down from all the energy inside.

“you seem tired.” he observes you as you sit next to him by the pool. “i am a little. i think the alcohol just isn’t my friend.” he doesn’t say anything for a moment. “i get that. a lot actually. i don’t really drink that much but i smoke. which is definitely worse in a way.”

he doesn’t say it in a jokingly way. you laugh anyways. his expression making it hard for you not to smile. “i like smoking too. drinking is usually fun. i just always get sick.”

“me too. that’s why i stopped. it’s lame plus weed is more fun. at least for me.” he pulls out his half smoked blunt. he lights it taking a couple hits before offering it to you. you smile at his gesture taking it from him. you take a few hits passing it back to him. “why haven’t we done this before it’s nice.” he has moved a little closer to you now. causing your face to heat up.

“yea i agree also you have pretty good company.” you lay your head back. he smiles to himself. “can i ask you something kinda um- bold?” you smile at his words looking up over at him again. “yea anything.” you mutter to him giving him a quick smile sitting up completely facing him.

“can i kiss you? i kind of- i really want to kiss you.” you don’t expect his words at first. you comply easily. wanting to kiss him now as well. “yea? okay-“ he moves so he his grabbing your face. he pulls you in slowly. kissing you softly. both of your slow kisses turning into desperate kisses.

his hand that was against your cheek is now moving down your body gently. he pulls away from your kiss. “is this okay?” you just nod pulling him back into the kiss. he lips are immediately moving with yours. he is his immediately addicted to your lips.

the two of you are completely forgetting about the other people outside with you. you guys don’t care. it’s just too good.

is this actually as good it feels in the moment? or are you just desperate? probably thoughts you shouldn’t be having while making out with him. i think you’re high is kicking in.

his hand is going underneath you shirt to the back of you bra. you pull away from the kiss. “is this okay?” he asks again. you take off your bra while keeping eye contact with him. you are pulling him back to kiss you whispering a quick. “yes vernon..” he smirking slightly into the kiss moving his hand to cup your breasts before the two of your make of sesh is interrupted.

of course it’s seokmin and all he can do is laugh. “you guys were about to fuck if i didn’t come over here im assuming?” he looks at you for an answer but vernon answers quickly. “um if she wanted but that’s not the point you left her for a while. she was looking for you..” he just smiles. “well im here now!! sorry was a bit distracted. i can still take you home y/n.”

you look over at vernon and then look at yourself and how unorganized you must look to them. should you go home?

you decided against leaving with seokmin deciding to walk to vernons when you two were ready.

“whatever you say. have fun!! use protection please!” seokmin hugs you before going back into the house. vernon is already rolling another blunt for the two of you. “i had fun tonight. i know you’re now leaving yet but i just wanted to say.” he looks away from you. you think his awkwardness was cute. too cute that is.

the barely had met the boy already knowing he wouldn’t be a stranger for you. everything about him was attractive. you had a hard time focusing. he was such a sweet boy. his lips, his lips were so sweet. his kisses were sweet and gentle against you. he never denied any of your kisses.

you wanted him so bad already.

[gashotbox]

Ok I need you to hear me out in this fictional fantasy situation 🧎‍♂️(some dubious consent involved)

I am a lightweight when smoking, so I find the idea of people taking advantage of that kind of hot. But lately I've had this fantasy of going to a friend's house and getting high with them (they're obviously smoking more then I can handle) and their stomach gurgles a bit. They see me blush and have kind of caught on in the past that I might have a fart fetish. So they make a offhand comment about being lazy and not wanting to leave the room to fart because they are having fun, but also not wanting to smell it. I am decently high at this point, so I joke about them sitting on my face so I can take it instead and they go through with it. They sit on my face and start farting on me, and pull their underwear down and tell me to open my mouth. While this is happening they are hitting a joint and I'm hazy, but I open my mouth and they let a few rip in there. After about 20 minutes of this still going on things are feeling waaaay more intense mentally. They stop and look at my stoned ass and say "Aw are you such a lightweight that you're getting high off my farts? You look fucking floored" All I can do is nod and they sit on me again and keep going. And everything is both so calming and intense while they are farting barehole down my throat. They comment about how they are going to be gassy all night, and how I should stay over because there's no way I'm going to sober up enough to get home after being drugged by their farts. They even make an offhand comment about wondering how their shit might effect me like an edible, and I barely process this statement as their hole gapes open more and something solid hits my tongue. This is going to be a very long night.

this is like. so fucking hot. like im positively frothing at the mouth. so sluggish you’re practically swimming in their gas. being so glassy-eyed and hazy from the weed that you can barely do anything more than moan as they bury your face between their cheeks. sleepily mouthing around their putrid hole as they unload; literally just inhaling all their reeking gas like your oxygen because that’s all your body is even capable of doing.😵‍💫 them lazily pushing shit into your lolling mouth as they grunt and moan above you - and there’s nothing you can do about it?? do you even want to do something about it??? think about how nice and sluggish and compliant you feel.. isn’t it nice? now cmon.. just a little wider, baby..

[mattphobiia]

SMOKE SESSION.

we sat outside hiding behind the back of matt's car that was parked in the garage as we took turns passing over the joint while we updated each other on our lives. we were originally hanging out with matt and chris when they started bickering on about some crap we didn't understand and was stressing us both out.

"so, what's going on with you?" i ask, still holding the joint before taking a long drag, inhaling sharply as i watch the left over smoke escape my mouth.

"ill be honest, not much has been happening . just regular stuff with the channel, but everything is slow right now." he sighs, taking the joint off me before rolling his eyes, taking a deep puff.

"fair enough, but i mean isn't it so cool that we are just down here smoking weed? imagine if one of your brothers catches us! that would be funny."

"its not like its illegal, besides we are both twenty so we can do what we want."

"well, technically it is illegal." i add in before snatching it away from him as he gives me a death stare in response.

"did i ask you to be smart? you know what i meant, its not the end of the world." he huffs, leaning his head against the car. "you have to admit though, smoking weed here feels so surreal."

"couldn't agree more." i reply, laughing as i pass nick the joint again which was almost running out, but he declines.

"just have the rest, im already high enough." he laughs, and i nod before bringing it back to my lips. "honestly, life feels great when im high with you. you're an asshole sometimes, but so am i and thats what makes us best friends."

"well that was rude, but yes, i agree. we need to do this more often, but maybe with the others though because they might get mad if they discovered we smoked without them."

"i dont think matt will get that mad since he only smokes to calm his nerves, but chris would act like a big baby and have one of his little tantrums." nick laughs.

"nothings new with him then, what a surprise." i roll my eyes, both of us laughing to ourselves like maniacs. i always had the best times with nick, sober or intoxicated. he always made life seem less stressful and scary, like all my worries just disappeared for a while when i was around him. sometimes i questioned if he was secretly magic because my negativity goes away so fast i didnt know whether to believe if he was just cursing me or something, or a blessing. i think im just crazy.

MASTERLIST

a/n: something a lil different😛 also im just adding that this is not romantic whatsoever and only platonic (unless you identify as male and want to interpret it that way then go ahead but other than that no), i was also getting high myself when i suddenly got this idea so i wrote down a summary of what i was thinking and i dont actually write about nick much so i wanted to base it off him buttttt.... HOORAY! thank u all sm for all the support again i just appreciate u all so much like fr can i kiss u (jokes) i might write another lil series involving my boy matthew but nothing has came to mind yet so keep a look out;3

[m4sonn]

⋆｡°✩ “I thought you knew”Part 1 ✩° ｡⋆

(Thx to @peachyponyboyy for a bit of help on this and @ac3ifix asked to be tagged in this!!! I made it WAYYYY too long so part 2 should come out tmrw at around 3:00 pm!!! Also plz tell me if you’d like to be tagged in pt2!!!!)

I gave a loud huff as I grabbed a handful of about four or five gummies from my container and placed them in two-bits hand, getting the same amount in mine and shoving them all in my mouth. Chewing them as I watched two bit just stare at them in his hand.

“Hey pone.” He murmured before speaking again. “Are they strong?” He asked as he hesitated. “This one’s a real’ strong, well it was. And then I built up a tolerance. But I think you could handle them.” He looked at me and then shoved them all in his mouth, making a small face as he chewed them. “These taste gross” he murmured through chews.

“Well yeah, jeez you’re acting like you’ve never done weed before.”

“I haven’t”

“What….?”

I looked up at him as he chewed the gummies, I then realized how massive of a mistake I had made. I had assumed two bit did gummies n stuff regularly, he just seemed like the type that would. This is the first time I’ve been so panicked in a while, I didn’t know how his high was gonna be. I had just given him five of the strongest gummies I’ve ever had. FIVE… I was in for it when Darry got back.

“What’s that look for? I thought you said I could handle it?”

“I did! But I thought you’d done stuff like this before!”

“Nah, I’ve never done weed or gummies or nothin’”

“WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT?! DUDE?!”

Two bit just gave a shrug as he finally swallowed the sticky gummies inside his mouth. “I thought you knew, I mean I’m with the gang almost 24/7 and I’ve never done weed or even smoked a blunt when you guys passed it around” he said nonchalantly. His total disregard for the situation kind of pissed me off but I didn’t have time to be mad in between the sheer terror I felt. Usually it wouldn’t be so bad since I was with him to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid but my real concern was the fact he had an open flask of whiskey he had been chugging down the entire time we’d been here. He had even ran to the store at one point to get more to refill. I was suddenly snapped out of my thoughts by two bit speaking

“Hey *chewing* when do these *chewing* kick in”

“They take a bi-“ I paused. I turned to him. I realized he had TAKEN TWO MORE OUT OF MY PACK. “TWO BIT WHY DID YOU TAKE MORE?!” “I wanted to see if it’d kick in faster.” He said as he looked at me, he attempted to sneak another one but bro is not slick. I snatched the pack away from him. “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE IM GON’ BE IN?!” I got up and started to pace around, I’m not sure if the gummies had kicked in or if I was really that anxious. “DARRYS GON’ KILL ME!! OH MY GOD!!—“ I was cut off by two bits fit of giggles, I had realized that they kicked in for him so I guess that anxiety was probably just them finally kicking in. I sighed and sat next to him, my face sitting in my hands. I then realized that the porch probably wasn’t the best place to harbor my now high as a kite friend so I stood up

“Hey, two, let’s head inside.” He let out another fit of giggles and then got up, his eyes slightly widening as he did but quickly mellowing out to half shut. “Woah dude I’m all woozy but like… In a good way.” He said with this dopey smile on his face. “Yeah, yeah, let’s go inside.” I murmured, he grabbed his flask and then walked inside behind me. I had to go back and shut the door since he didn’t, he flipped himself onto the couch and let his head lean back onto it. “Mmh… I feel all warm and woozy inside… it feels good…” I plopped myself next to him after turning the TV onto Mickey Mouse for some background chatter for him. “Mhm… it does that to ya buddy…” I murmured out softly, I was mad at him originally but I had calmed down cause of the high. I saw him get up and start walking to the kitchen. I followed him, making sure he didn’t fall or break anything. He started to search the fridge for something.

[kylejsugarman]

i know that Baby hates Halloween because of jumpscares and such but nobody says she and her family can't make their own version of Halloween! they would dress like ocean creatures, Baby would be a dolphin ofc! they will make ocean themed snacks and spend the day watching Finding Nemo and documentaries and drawing ocean stuff - Jesse and Baby activity, Demi would watch them and smile

they definitely have their own halloween fun that doesnt include the scary stuff!! its easy to fashion a little dolphin fin at home or just go (t-posing while holding a blanket) "im a manta ray" and if halloween falls on a less busy day, she might be joined in dressing up, but sometimes its more like (demi laying on the couch: im coral this year) (jesse laying on top of her: im coral also). the peanuts halloween special definitely has to play at some point during the evening, maybe even twice just to make sure they all have the chance to Soak In the Artistry on Display. its not halloween without charlie brown and snoopy. in addition to ocean snacks, there are DEFINITELY the halloween pillsbury cookies: their first halloween together, jesse was like "do u have those. those halloween cookies up here" and demi was like "?? what do u mean" and he couldnt think of the brand or like a way to describe it with words, so he just ended up desperately scribbling a circle with a little pumpkin on it and showing it to her like a goddamn police sketch, and she was like "OHH those!! yeah of course we have them!! :D" so after all that strife, they have to have them every year. they do low-key stuff all evening like drawing just to maintain a calm atmosphere (they dont live in a super busy area that gets a ton of trick-or-treaters or anything but baby is still pretty anxious on the day for reasons she cant articulate) until baby's relaxed enough to go right to sleep. "now ur an eel" demi says as they roll her up safe and swaddled in a blanket. once she's down, demi's like "do u want to watch a fucked up movie?? :)" and jesse's like (having war flashbacks to years of smoking the weed that makes u scared) "i might have to watch snoopy again, idk if i really Got it the first two times"

[lvxybby]

Music Ties (kurt cobain x fem! reader) (pt5) WARNING: talk of sex, talk of drugs,

the door to the apartment opened to reveal kurt. he was wearing his sonic youth shirt and some torn pants. i wore a sweater with some sage green cargo pants. my makeup was done nicely but not my best. just some eye shadow, eyeliner, foundation and concealer, and a hint of bright red lipstick. "sorry im not looking the best right now" kurt spoke rubbing his neck. "its ok, i know you have a lot of things on your hands anyways" i reassured him. he coughed a bit before moving out of the door frame and letting me in. his apartment was nicely clean and smelled fresh. like a spring morning. "hello" i heard dave's soft voice say. "good afternoon dave" i said waving and smiling. kurt shut the door and walked over to me. "uh ok...fuck what do we do first..." he said avoiding eye contact. "um...i dont know...get to learn more about each other maybe..." i said admiring the room. some of his guitars were on stands or on the wall. it was a very clean apartment. but i couldn't stop thinking of kurt. i couldn't stop thinking of his hands wrapped around my waist and pulling me into a deep kiss. but this was serious. it was work. i had to stay focused even if it seemed impossible. "ok that sounds good..." kurt said giving me a small smile. it was perfect. so pretty. i wanted to kiss him so bad. but i couldn't....i knew i couldn't...were just band mates and friends...nothing more....dave went to the kitchen and made him some lunch before going outside. we were alone. anything could happen. absolutely anything. me and kurt just stared at each other before kurt spoke. "uhm...tell me something about you i guess" the situation couldn't be any more awkward. "ok...i smoke weed..." i spoke fidgeting with my hands. "oh thats cool...may i ask why?" kurt spoke lifting his eyebrows. "well i have really bad anxiety and i overthink a lot of situations...or when i cant get something off of my mind...." i said putting my hands in my pockets. kurt may be a nice, calm, understanding guy but i still wanna look my best as if it was a job interview for a huge million dollar company. i want to seem presentable to him even though hes a laid back guy that doesnt give two shits what you do as long as your ok and not in trouble. i want him to notice me and run his hands up and down my body. i want him to strip me nude and fuck me until i pass out. i want him so so bad. but its not a want. its a need. i need him so bad. i need him to touch me. i snapped out of my short trance when he spoke again. "...same..." he said nodding his head to my statement. "i started when i was 13 or 14..." he continued. "15...." i said looking at him. "feeling a bit better after last night?" i asked "hm? oh yeah....thanks you helped out a lot even if it was just fetching my meds...it hurts so bad....and my back is so much worse...im constantly in pain. and my guitar doesn't help...it weighs so much and when i perform for hours my shoulder hurts and i get really sore...like now...." he said rubbing his shoulder. "awe im sorry..." is said looking at his blue eyes. "scoliosis sucks....i would do anything to have good health....absolutely anything" he said putting his arm by his side again. we talked a bit more and what my position was going to be in the band. soon it started to pour down rain and it was really bad. it was extremely loud, dark, and the roads were super slick. i couldn't drive in it at all if i wanted to. it was late at night. around 10:00. it was pitch black. you couldn't see your own hand in front of your face. "holy shit...thats some bad rain..." kurt said as he looked out his window. "i...i cant drive in that...i'll crash..." i said looking at kurt. "you can stay here for the night...i don't want you driving in that either...too dangerous" he said coming back over to me. i sat on the couch in between dave and kurt, they weren't gonna do anything. they're feminist. "well....wanna watch a movie?" dave asked flipping his long brown hair out of his face. "sure" kurt said before looking at me. i nodded my head in agreement. "sounds good"

[inkybinkyboink]

urinetown stoner headcanons

it's less than a month to the show and im going fucking nuts. i drove two and a half hours today on a whim. to pick up a toilet seat that my parents didn't need anymore for props. headcanons below the cut >:)

bobby: like i said, he's definitely eaten half a pan of brownies thinking they were normal. he spent an hour trying to scrub a stain off of the side of the amenity until he was told it was spray paint. then he walked to hope's place and started crying about stray cats and how he wanted to adopt them all. he slept for thirteen hours and refuses to admit the incident ever happened.

penny: made the pan of brownies. she does edibles sometimes to destress and decompress and can you blame her? penny on weed becomes the most anarchic, careless person in the best way possible. go piss for free. she doesnt give two flying fucks. the world sucks. commit crimes. just do it. see you in urinetown. bobby once asked her if he could have a raise while she was baked and she said yes and regrets it every single day.

lockstock: listen, ok. i have my heart set on the idea that lockstock is fully aware that his career and position in society is ultimately more of a detriment than it is an aid. i think that knowing this bugs him (arguably). that being said, i think he does smoke, if not for pain management then to fucking forget about how awful everything is. i think the people he's killed weigh on his conscious and smoking a fat j turns that off for a little while. that man will lay on the couch with a bowl of pretzels and watch whatever's on tv until he falls asleep.

barrel: the opposite of lockstock. he's convinced he's helping and maintaining order in society. he likes abiding by the rules. so when he bums a cigarette off of lockstock and it turns out to be a blunt, he immediately gets so paranoid. lockstock has to calm him down because barrel is being SO loud and bro we are going to get caught. like 30 seconds after he calms down and eats something, he passes the fuck out on the couch bc its some strong ass ptsd indica. he very begrudgingly acknowledges that it did make him feel better and that he did sleep well. now, sometimes, after a bad day, him and lockstock share a joint.

cladwell: bro smoked so much pot before the stink years but then he rose to power and imposed laws that made it illegal and thinks he's The Shit for doing it. everyone's fucking pissed he did.

hope: little becky offered her a very special tasting gummy bear once and it was some mad sativa. hope did not shut up. for three hours. all she talked about was how she missed bobby. and how spaghetti was so good. then someone put on cartoons and she was absorbed like an ipad kid on an 8 hour flight.

fipp: would not do weed now but has done it in the past. nightmare blunt rotation. he just talks about politics. and not the good kind. it's terrifying. get that man away from me.

mcqueen: same as fipp but he gets like. scared. i think mcqueen knows deep down that what he's doing is wrong, but he constantly ignores it, so when he's high all that bubbles to the surface and he gets really wishy-washy about what he's saying. honestly i think it would be really funny to watch.

little becky two shoes: rolls the craziest blunts. the tesseract joint isn't beyond her skills. got pissed when she found out she was pregananate because she couldnt smoke weed anymore bc she wants her kid to be healthy. little becky knows where to get the good shit. she's dealing like fucking jesse pinkman from breaking bad.

hotblades harry: same boat as becky minus the pregnant part. they have competitions for who can roll the best joint like it's a cup stacking contest. people bet money. that man has smoked more weed than you ever will. his house is almost constantly hotboxed. hotblades harry more like hotboxed harry.

bonus:

old man strong has taken some mad edibles for hip pain.

little sally is a child so shes not on this list but i will be damned if she doesnt constantly bug lockstock about the funny cigarette she saw him smoke once

after urinetown they still use the secret hideout but it's just for smoke sessions. it's just a blunt rotation. it's comfy now, they made it comfy. they added lights.

[munsonology]

I saw the other pregnancy story and I raise you MY parents pregnancy story

My mom is a nurse who works labor and delivery. My dad is well...my dad? He is a former stoner who somehow got a job as a security guard and got on the straight and narrow (can't risk his job if they drug test him!). Anyways, my mom also did not think she was pregnant right away because she is also very irregular when it comes to her period. Her best friend just announced she was pregnant. My mom's friend joked "maybe YOU'RE pregnant too". My mom was like ???....!!!!

Went home and tested and bam. Pregnant. My dad was panicking slightly (my mom's favorite story is how she told him he was so ecstatic and happy and they cried and hugged and after they calmed down he immediately pulled away panicked and said "WE GOTTA HIDE THE WEED" and she replied "you haven't smoked for a year there is no weed" and he just went "oh shit yea" 😭)

Then when it came time for the birth, you aren't allowed to eat or drink anything during. Just ice chips. So her water broke at my grandparents and she was just chilling whilst my dad was like "OH GOD ITS TIME GET JN THE VAN" and she did and he was so panicked he was like "wait how do I get there from here". So my mom is giving my dad directions and he's like a ball of anxiety until he realizes "wait we're in the middle of town now and the hospital is the opposite way". This bitch gave him directions to a Dairy Queen because she was craving a milkshake and French fries and knew they wouldn't let her eat when she got there 😭. He is not happy and is mumbling threats at her but gets her the food and off to the hospital they go! They arrive and according to my dad she "strolls in, sunglasses on, almost finished milkshake in one hand and the other on her stomach, looking like a goddess". And her coworkers looked at her and all she said was "its time" and everyone was like OKAY LETS GO.

After three hours of waiting (labor had started but I guess there are different stages idk like the water had broken but it still takes awhile if its your first?) My mother, my beautiful amazing snarky mother looks at my dad who is now mumbling about how he should have picked something up at the dairy queen, and tells him to get out. YES!!! He is sitting there like 😟 and she says "oh its gonna be many more hours go get something to eat then come back, cause you are NOT eating in this room in front of me". And my dad being my dad is like no I love you im going to stay and she tells him that his favorite local family diner opened back up after it had been closed for renovations. Mom jokes you could see smoke from how quick he ran out of there.

My dad then says while he was sitting at this diner eating a burger and humming, his waitress came up and asked what he was doing there (he did not realize she was flirting at the time but my mom yelled at him that the waitress was). My dad's reply was "Oh my wife is giving birth right now 😃" and this waitress immediately scoffed and the other diner patrons turned to look at him andglares at him! He realized his mistake but he already dug himself in the hole. He paid and left an extra large tip.

He returned to my mom, who was sitting watching TV and grumbling about how long this was gonna take. 8 hours later, j was born

(Ngl I think the story is cute but those are MY parents ljke ew. But I can totally see all the Eddie fans go crazy so enjoy. I prefer Steve but dabble in some Eddie)

Thank you for sharing this! I loved reading it ☺️

I know I said fuck them kids the other day but I really do love pregnancy stories and kids!! I just don’t want KARENS assuming I have a kid or should’ve had one already 🙃 and I found out my cousin is pregnant again and I can feel my auntie’s head spinning around 😭

And your parents are so cute! AND DAIRY QUEEN 😭😭😭😭your mom is a literal queen for walking in the hospital like the baddie she is!!

And the entire diner judging your dad 😭 like they could’ve at least let him explain. I’ve seen some guys take a ps5 to the hospital and ngl I think I’d be playing too if I was waiting around for 16 hours to give birth I’m sorry 😭

My mom made my dad get her fish sandwiches and taco bell 😭 and it’s funny because I’ve never been to taco bell ever in my life. And she had really bad preeclampsia so she was admitted like right after the visit. I was like 3 weeks early so idk if they even had stuff set up yet lmaoooo

[psychiatricwarfare]

so i wanted to add to this from the perspective of someone with npd+asd because the above statements are absolutely correct

npd (for me) makes it so that any minor thing i do that i even perceive to be wrong or bad can cause me to spiral and crash, but that doesn't mean i shouldn't be held accountable for any actually bad actions i may have done or harm i may have caused

for context: i used to have full-on meltdowns, crying, hyperventilating, etc. whenever i made my fiancée upset (or any time they were upset in general) to the point where they would try to comfort me rather than letting me try to comfort them. luckily, this stopped about a year or so ago as ive been able to get much better at dealing with shame, rejection, etc. with the help of my wonderful partners. so here's some tips and tricks from someone with a disorder that causes my self-esteem and self-image to be entirely dependent on others' perceptions of me to not let anxiety blind you with tunnel vision or black and white thinking

1. only if you're comfortable with it, smoke a little bit of weed as needed. not too much as high levels of thc can cause increased anxiety in some, but low doses have been shown to seriously decrease levels of anxiety. it works wonders for me AND helps me to genuinely self reflect in a meaningful way that isn't just "i was totally in the right & they're totally in the wrong" or "im the worst person alive and i should just die now". do this at your own discretion, im not a doctor or anything

2. ask the person if you can have time to calm yourself down from the initial shock, panic, shame, rejection, whatever you may be feeling before continuing the conversation on what you can do to grow and be better. trying to listen to the ways you've been wrong while still in that initial headspace may lead to being defensive, dismissive, etc. (Do Not use this as a way to get out of having the conversation at all. that defeats the entire purpose of this step. you have to bite the bullet and take the hit to your ego/self-esteem in order to grow. building a wall to protect yourself from getting hurt will only stop you from growing. a goldfish can never reach its true potential if it's stuck inside a small bowl, and neither can you) once you've calmed down, go back to the person who called you out & ask for their constructive criticism

3. if you start to be overwhelmed again, take a deep breath, if you need reassurance that you're not evil for unknowingly doing harm you can say things like "i can learn from this", "i will grow as a person and i will do my best to not hurt/upset you again" if that's something that works for you. depending on the situation, you can ask the other person for reassurance. however, this one's a bit more tricky and should be used moreso for things like "what you said really hurt me, that's something im insecure about" or other such things. it should also not dismiss their feelings or be some out for the criticism. what you should say is very dependent on the situation, but things such as, "do you believe in me?" is not a great way to phrase that as the burden now falls on them to coddle you. rather, saying "thank you for telling me this" or "im glad you trust me enough to tell me how you feel" are good ways to reassure yourself and may give the other person an opportunity to give you that reassurance If They Want To but please remember, you are not owed it and they are not obliged to give it to you. however, if what they're saying is along the lines of "what you said/did was racist/homophobic/ableist/etc" then maybe skip this step altogether as that tends to make you sound like you care more about your ego than actually bettering yourself even if that isnt the case. in most cases however, it would actually just be better to deal with the shame in your own time in your own way, the burden of your shame should not be the responsibility of the victim in Any situation but especially not this one. if you are putting in the work to better yourself & are surrounded by people who support you, you will be given that reassurance down the line and your effort will pay off even if that pay off is simply being that better person

4. if you struggle with social cues, this is not the time to bring up your own qualms with the other person. if you really feel you must, wait until after the situation has been resolved. otherwise, the other person will likely view this as being dismissive of their problem and won't want to listen. it is also potentially a subconscious means of deflection, ime, it's better to wait a while afterwards to see if it's still something you want to bring up and not just your brains way of trying to shift blame. i know this can be especially difficult for those who suffer from rsd, but you have to fight that impulse. listen to them first, genuinely hear them out, and do what you need to do to grow as a person before bringing up your own concerns EVEN (and this is important) if it's related to or the cause of your actions. this can be done in a nice, respectful way if you wait your turn to speak and word it in a way that's not dismissive. (dismissive: well i only do [x] because you do [y] vs nondismissive: okay, i will try not to do that anymore and it would help me to do that if you could please do/not do this)

5. prevention!!!!! (this is primarily for anyone prone to anger issues or something that may cause an explosive emotion) ask for help beforehand!! ask them to tell you when something upsets them so you know not to do it again! tell them your triggers and what might result in a meltdown/panic attack/burst of anger/etc. it's much easier to be a good person when you're in an environment where you feel safe & happy, and minimising triggers is a good way to do that. ask them to be honest with you, make sure you can be honest with them when something is bothering you! ask them to talk to you when they notice you're getting to a point where you might blow up/meltdown/shut down/etc. and/or excuse yourself when needed

6. remember this mantra, it seriously helps me when im about to crash. "constructive criticism is GOOD, if i am a good person, then i will listen to genuine advice given to me in good faith. i will not assume the worst of others' intentions. i will take this criticism and i will grow from it. i am not bad. i am not evil. i am doing my best and my best will become better. i am not a rock nor a mountain, i am a seed, ready to grow more and more each day. criticism is the rain that nourishes me, the worms that eat away at the dead roots that i no longer need, the nutrients in the soil that add to what i am. i will grow and i will change for the better."

this advice will only work if you're willing to change and grow, though it may not work for everyone! this is just what works for me & hopefully others can take what they need and leave the rest. everyone on earth grows up with unhealthy habits or traits they need to unlearn, it does not make you evil or bad. what makes a person bad is remaining stagnant, never growing or changing for the better, never looking inwards and saying "which of these roots are dead and can become worm food and which of these need more love and attention so they can thrive?"

you are not an idle observer in this world, like it or not, you are an active participant and your words and your actions carry weight and meaning. you can not skirt by on "but im a good person" forever. listen to minorities when we say something is xenophobic, listen to people who say you've hurt them, watch out for those who wish to hurt or stagnant your progress and growth or for those who do will do that regardless of their intentions. the world could be a much more beautiful place if we all learned to listen to one another a little more rather than panicking at the first thought of not being perfect.

your past does not define you, what you do with it does

every post i see that's like "if you're scared of being like [bad person] that's means you're better than them and won't be like them" and it's like. lmao. my dad used to have crying sessions where he would confess his fear of being like his mother and causing me to grow up to hate him. usually after he did something fucking awful, to redirect the attention to his own pain. the girl who sexually assaulted me had panic attacks sometimes about the idea of maybe being a rapist, making it impossible to set sexual boundaries with her without her freaking out. whether you're afraid of being some kind of bad person has basically no bearing on whether you are that way

[anonpubilcdiary]

That Time I ruined my ex's birthday.

So, it's 2 or three months before she broke up with me, it was her birthday, we had planned this big party and get together where were going to have a pregame and then go out to a club.

During said pregame I was already uncomfy because I'm not built for clubs emotionally, there's just too many people. But I was pretty comfortable with the group, there were two transmascs, my cis ex, and 2 non-binary ppl. I didn't know the 2 enbies, but I was pretty close with the transmascs.

I smoked some weed, which in hindsight was probably not the smartest idea.

We're all hanging out in the living room and all of a sudden my ex suggests we all watch a movie while getting ready, and the entire group goes for the movie "White Girls."

This is a problem for me.

I'm a trans girl, and I was still early in transition at this point.

I try to kinda give my girlfriend the "please I'm begging you not to pick this movie, legally blond is way better" -look but she doesn't really pick up on it. Understandable though, she coordinated alot of the party so obviously she can't tell, i should've said something. So I assure myself, I mean I've never watched it, it might be a genuinely powerful yet comedic story. Everyone else has watched it, and they don't seem to see any issue with it.

I power on, eventually the scene where they don the entire joke of the the movie arrives and its worse than I thought it could be, it's not just that it's a caricature of me. Everything I'm insecure about as a trans woman, every single fear I have about my own appearance and behavior is a joke that is being actively beaten to death in this movie. Liveleak would have been a preferable alternative.

We reach the dressing room scene and I'm drowning, I'm quietly having a panic attack because after having my insecurities gone at and worn bloody raw for an hour straight I'm going to have to go into a small building with a large group of strangers.

I desperately lock eyes with the two transmascs, they're trans so maybe they might "get it." Im begging for a lifeline, I'm fucking screaming for help with my eyes. They don't pick up on it. it's understandable though, like it's not their job to read my mind. If I didn't want to watch the movie I should've said something, I shouldn't have smoked until after the function either.

Eventually a thought worms it's way into my mind... "they see me like this, the only reason they keep me around is as a clown to be gawked at." I execused myself to the restroom and I fall apart, I'm silently weeping and panicking harder now that I'm crying on my girlfriend's birthday. Today is supposed to be about HER, but I just can't stop. Every time I get settled that sinister thought that my friends revile me would tickle my psyche and send me into another fit of sobs.

Eventually it comes to her attention that I'm crying and she helps to calm me down, she then manages to get the movie off and me to her room without alerting any of the guests. She's just really good with people like that, crisis averted, now it's time to go to the club.

I'm clunky and uncomfortable and unprepared and definitely not a dancer and I fucking publicly humiliated myself to try to dance.

She was distant after this, I acted like such a loser around her near the end because I was panicked she was going to leave me because of that night. Im pretty sure that's what pushed her away though.

All in all I can see what I did wrong, I've just gotta be better in the future.

[sniper-rifle-coffee]

So had a tough day Saturday me & the family had a funeral for our grandmother and grandfather, long story not short, my oldest brother broke that night I had to take control of him & my younger brother, so oldest blacked out making me regret leaving my kids then told me every day he thinks about his dad walking out then as he became older he felt that he had to become the father of the family an we see that in him I look up to him but after him all this I still need to be there for him he was in so much pain he then talks alone to our little brother at some point they were on the ground hugging crying screaming that was bad because as soon as I went to split them up our little brother bolts to the highway yelling screaming I chased him down an get him back to the car after calming him down oh lord it was so fucked that night traumatized both of us I'm pretty sure our little brother won't be going to anymore family events because of what my older brother said an did there's so much my older brother broke me talked about my kids made me feel worthless even though he said he feels like a bum lower then me since I'm a father he then started to yell in my face I have to keep all the family members together every year or two I have to contact all our family even though he was doing that telling everyone there that we have to meet least a 1 or 2 year for now on, the thing about my family we only meet when death occurs its rare for us to come together ever it's just were not social that much so we meet near never,

I get why my brother wants us all to come back to being a family there's not many of us left he then also started to say he's now the oldest one in the family on our moms side this all seems so fucked up didn't help that my older brother did nothing for our oldest brother that's why I had to deal with them seem I'm always the one that needs to keep pushing on but I'm fucken tired lately I stay up nights in a row the longest I've gone without sleep was nearly 3 days keeping busy cleaning my place my roommates parents place even cutting there grass just to keep busy just getting fucked up after work high asf drunk I'm so tired but can't sleep I have so much going on since this funeral, bills family friends roommates fighting daily so im popping pills painkiller for my body hurting my fucker feet I still need to see my doc for that & a bloody fucken refill been near a month trying to get my 15mg so nearly a month having only 2mg of my Anti psychotic my mom thinks I can't sleep because I've pretty much been off my meds I need 17mg I'm missing 15mg so smoking weed is a high risk but I've been risking it need it helps me slow down, plus bills an debt collectors keep emailing me and calling me every day I just started to pay for my child support a wonderful 310$ each month now that'll be great for rent tight asf they took this amount when I was doing windows and doors that was a great paying job, the job I do now is like half a cheque compared to windows so my CS is little high weird timing so my son is also going to have a new brother or sister she told me that she's with child from a guy she put in jail he's out an guess they're having a child that's pretty awesome but little fucked up this guy man should have stayed in jail he hit her an yelled at my boy fuck him but eh as long he don't fuck up ill be chill don't like him one bit,

ah anyways so I got my bills paid for living here but my phone bill is fucked for my ex I have her on my plan she don't pay for this bill even though she gets heavy charges going to the USA using data roam my last bill mine 240$ hers 350$ to 400$ because going to the usa so much it hits the bill fucken hard I paid 410$ few days ago the remainder is 600$ an due on the 24th so I have to message her again to help pay the bill or get cut off I can't afford for her to up fuck the phone bill just to fuck some guy in the usa thank fuck the night we fight I told her I don't trust her & that she's paying for the fucken suv I got her she's got a really good paying easy family job in IT she could easily pay for some of the phone bill but won't so seems if no pay by Saturday she's off it I just pray I can get her off it.

Still hurting missing my kids I had to leave I couldn't live with her an her dad any longer in the ghetto bug Infested Projects with her lies an doing things behind my back it even shows soon after i left she just went right to the other guy..

you know what's another fucked thing she pays 400 for fucken rent I pay 1750 three ways maybe 2 ways soon fuck me man then pay for water an hydro internet foods house hold things so like I said too roommates been fighting an I'm the guy in the middle listening to both sides seems I'm the one that keeps them from losing it fully on each other one mate been sick missing lots of work not cleaning after him self & get real messy when his gf comes visiting even though all he does is game on pc every day n night so me an other mate talked he said if he misses rent or borrows off me again he wants him out I get it but I said we got to give him a chance even though there had been a few chances already fuck hate being the nice good guy for people I'm so tired left an right just trying my best to keep peace an people happy I did my best for my kids the girls probably maybe miss me or hates me for not getting to say bye or why,

I finally just met my son while back for the first time had a great day getting to know him an play in a park together ate some food had Ice cream that was a great day at the forks,

but I was there for my girl 9years an didn't even get two years for my daughter I hate my ex why would she do it leave me in the dark I known we were drifting apart but I wanted to be there for the kids so badly I feel so useless & cowardly I just couldn't live with her for months I wouldn't hold her I'd sleep far in the corner against the wall most nights to hold my daughter as she slept in the middle of the bed my heart hurts not feeling hers anymore I'm crying again I keep missing out on so much I only get updates from my mom about how my daughter's are doing I'm in so much fucken pain feel lost an stuck suffering daily guess it's what I deserve I could have stayed but I knew what was happening an I mentally couldn't do it any longer if I stayed I would have had psychosis again it would have been some time but it was going to happen living like that small rooms I've learned what triggered my last one her an her family with a mix of alot of alcohol an weed. Last few days non stop thinking life is really fucking me it's so hard I sometimes get to vent to my mate helps but I still feel so alone my freinds don't get or feel what I deal with or gone through I feel so depressed and Defeated my only fix is weed alcohol an painkillers lately that's all I do keep busy fix clean move shit work I'm tired same thing daily work coffee music I go out now again just to try an social hang out with friends but ever night is rough sleep maybe few hours then repeat over an over shit just keeps building up I need a real break I'm hoping this weekend to finally chill out I wanna keep venting but this is alot an probably enough bitching it's me I shouldn't do this but I feel breaking writing things out I stopped writing on my notes since the ward guy in there I let him use my phone & he fucked with my notes this is my last place to escape vent talk just to feel a little better.

I just need a break soon it's killing me slowly living like this. Fucken trauma keeps creeping in my mind since the family get together for our grandparents.